#flightlogproject

[flurrys-creativity]

Just Dance

Pairing: Kim Yugyeom (GOT7) x Reader; Genre: Angst, Romance, Established Relationship AU, Slice of life, tiny bit of Fluff, Smut; Rating: nsfw, 18+, MDNI; Warnings: an accident with an explosion, loss of hearing, mental breakdowns, brief mention of self harm, swearing, a lot of tears, deaf and hard of hearing people, smut -> studio sex, unprotected sex, slight choking kink; Wordcount: 12.089; Event: Flight Log Project by got7writerscollective

Summary: As a prodigy dancer Yugyeom needed his sense of hearing. Though with a freak accident happening it is suddenly lost. Now he had to go on a journey to find his passion for dance and music again even though he couldn’t hear it in the traditional way.

A/N: I remember twelve years ago I watched a talent show with my family and there was this one participant that really moved my heart. He was and still is (so far I know) deaf and walked on to the stage and danced. I watched a lot of videos and tried to inform myself as best as I could while writing this. I guess, I just want to show that music is for everyone, even if you can’t hear it. We feel the music!

You watched Yugyeom practice for one of his upcoming stages. You always did since the day he debuted.

He made it seem so effortlessly easy to dance across the stage, catching the attention of everyone around him. 

Yugyeom felt the happiest when he could dance. It didn’t matter if he danced on the streets, in the living room, in a studio or on a grant stage. As long as he could listen to the music and let his body move accordingly, he was happy.

You could see that happiness during every practice and whenever he just joked around, pulling you along to dance with him. 

Even though the simplicity of dancing was enough for Yugyeom and definitely enough for you to be entranced by his presence, he insisted on making every stage bigger and better.

Yugyeom wanted to top every stage he did for his fans, knowing how proud they would be to see him evolve of some sorts. He never listened when you told him a simple stage with music and himself would be enough for the fans. No, instead he planned more spectacular stages every day.

He always was this ambitious, even predebut. You would catch him practising dancing into the early hours of the day, sweating and breathing heavily but with such a determination that you didn’t dare to stop him.

You still watched him intently when a sudden explosion on the stage disrupted your attention. Alarmed, you jumped up, trying to see through the smoke if anything happened to Yugyeom. A bad feeling settled in your stomach and clawed its way through your whole body.

Everyone around you stopped whatever they were doing and just stared towards the stage, just as much in shock as yourself. This shouldn’t have happened.

You dropped everything and ran towards the stage, shoving past several people and ignoring their protests. You couldn’t think of anything else but Yugyeom’s safety.

Slowly the smoke dispersed and you could see Yugyeom lying on the ground and clutching his ears. You accelerated your pace and somewhat climbed or jumped, you can’t remember from the adrenaline coursing through your veins, on to the stage and crawled over to Yugyeom.

The stage was still intact and you didn’t notice any shards or pieces lying around. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary except for the smoking tops from the fireworks installation.

“Are you hurt?” You kneeled next to him, your shaking hands hovering over his body, afraid you might hurt him if you touched him. Except for a few smudges of soot you couldn’t see any injuries though.

Yugyeom coughed from inhaling too much smoke and looked through watery eyes up to you. He blinked a few times, seeing your lips moving.

“Should we call an ambulance?”

He barely heard your question over the loud ringing inside of his ears, slightly shaking his head as if the ringing would go away through that movement. “I’m fine! It was just very loud! I still hear the ringing in my ears!”

You flinched upon his loud voice, the bad feeling getting even more prominent within you. “Are you sure?”

Yugyeom nodded and pushed himself up again. He regretted that movement though, feeling as if his head had decided to swirl around. He never felt this nauseous during dance practices.

You quickly scrambled to your feet and wrapped an arm around his middle and steadied him with your free hand on his chest. Worried, you watched him grab his head and press his eyes shut, while he leaned more and more onto your form.

“That’s it. We’ll stop the practice at this point!” You announced loudly, looking over your shoulder to all the workers. “Good work everyone.”

With that you guided Yugyeom backstage, going slowly and holding him tightly while he stumbled more than he walked alongside you.

“I feel like I’ve been sitting too long in a spinning tea cup.” Yugyeom told you loudly, still pressing a hand against his head.

You just patted his chest in sympathy and resumed guiding him to his changing room. “Wait here a second, okay? I’ll just get my stuff and we can leave.” While talking to Yugyeom, you made sure he looked at you and hoped he was able to read your lips.

When he nodded slowly, you rushed out of the room. You did get your stuff as you told him, but you searched for the stage manager as well. As soon as you found him, you approached him with big steps. “Any idea why the fireworks exploded?”

He shook his head and looked just as confused as you.

“I want you to find out why they exploded even though they were supposed to go off during the show and during a sequence where Yugyeom wouldn’t stand right on top of them!” You told him sternly. “Call me as soon as you got something.”

Yugyeom didn’t notice how you came back, his head resting on the surface of a table while he once again clutched his ears, wishing the loud ringing would vanish again.

You gently placed a hand on his back, biting on the inside of your cheek when you saw him flinch from your sudden touch. You didn’t say anything though and just smiled sadly at him before you helped him get up on his feet again.

The ride home was mostly quiet. You didn’t want to say anything and just resumed glancing every now and then over to Yugyeom, making sure he was still somewhat amenable. Even though he leaned his head against the window and just stared out to the streets with a dark expression.

Even the walk up to your shared apartment felt glum. You worried about Yugyeom, knowing the explosion took a bigger toll on him than he would care to admit.

“I’m going to shower and then head to bed.” Yugyeom announced, staring with empty eyes up front. He never felt so tired and drained before.

You nodded and guided him to the bathroom before you left again, giving him at least enough dignity to shower for himself.

By now Yugyeom was annoyed with absolutely everything. He couldn’t walk without seeking some sort of support; be it a wall, the sink or a drawer. He needed anything to ground himself, to help his sense of balance to keep him standing straight.

It took him longer to shower like this. Half of the time underneath the stream of water he stood leaning with his shoulder against the wall.

Once he finally made it, he dragged himself towards the bed and basically fell face first on it, closing his eyes immediately and nuzzling his head deeper into his pillow.

You looked up from your phone, worry still clawing at your heart. You gently tugged him underneath his blanket and got yourself comfortable as well, lying on your side and watching him quietly.

“I feel like I’m on a ship in the middle of a storm.” Yugyeom told you, opening one eye to see your concerned expression. “I hope it gets better by tomorrow.”

You nodded silently and brushed a few strands of his hair out of his face.

A smile tugged at the edges of Yugyeom’s lips and he closed his eyes again, falling asleep rather quickly from the exhaustion.

You on the other hand couldn’t rest easily. Thoughts and worries left you wide awake. You played the events of the evening over and over in your head, hoping to find some sort of clue to why the fireworks went off but you always came up empty handed. 

Despite being solely focused on Yugyeom you hoped you might have picked up on some clues. But there were none. The workers all did their jobs, no disturbances had occurred meaning no intruder came into the building and absolutely everything seemed normal as always.

You don’t remember when you fell asleep but the blaring ringtone of your phone shook you back to consciousness. You cursed silently for not muting it the night prior and scrambled in the dark bedroom for your phone.

Worried you might wake Yugyeom, you accepted the call and hurried out of the bedroom, whispering your greeting.

“Y/N? Did I wake you up?”

“It’s fine,” you whispered and rubbed over your eyes and face. “Do you have any news?”

“I have, I spoke with the technicians and they immediately examined the stage and the installations,” the stage manager told you.

“And? Did they find anything?”

“They came to the conclusion that intermittent contact must have caused the fireworks to go off early.”

“An intermittent contact?” You rubbed over your forehead in thought.

“They think the vibrations on the stage through Yugyeom’s dancing caused the sudden contact.”

You hummed lowly. “But it was more like an explosion, not some fireworks going off early. There was way too much black smoke for a simple intermittent contact.”

The stage manager started to explain what the technicians had told him but your attention got disrupted from loud music blaring out of your bedroom.

Confused, you told him to check it again and that you would call him later before you hung up the phone. 

While you were on the phone Yugyeom had woken up. At first he was delighted to feel somewhat stable again and not like he was a drunken sailor on a pirate ship. He sighed in relief and nuzzled back into his pillow.

Though it didn’t last long. Yugyeom shot up again, sensing something wasn’t quite right. The nausea had stopped and the loud ringing in his ears had vanished, just like he wished for, but that wasn’t the only thing missing now.

Yugyeom lifted both his hands in front of his face and clapped them once against each other. He felt them touch, felt the slight sting from the force behind it but he didn’t hear the actual clap. He tried it again and even though his eyes were telling him he just clapped, he didn’t hear it.

With trembling hands he searched for his phone, unlocked it once he found it and started his playlist. Yugyeom pressed the button for the volume and saw the little line on the screen telling him he was already at full volume. He stared with bated breath on the screen, counting the seconds he was into the song.

He should be hearing something by now, he should be hearing the building melody or some voices, anything, but it was absolutely silent around him.

Tears welled up in his eyes, making everything before his eyes blurred.

“Yugyeom?” You walked back into the bedroom with a worried expression. You never heard him blasting music this early after waking up and it made you uneasy.

He didn’t react and with his head hanging low, you mused he didn’t even see you. “Yugyeom?” You asked again and stepped closer. You were sure your voice was louder as the music but he still didn’t react.

You walked over to him and sat beside him on the mattress, placing one hand on his shoulder. You tilted your head slightly to look at his face, seeing tears streaming over his cheeks. “What’s wrong? Does anything hurt?”

Yugyeom looked up to you, still crying silently. He blinked a few times and wiped over his eyes and cheeks, staring at you.

“Are you alright?” You tried again, worry lacing your voice.

Yugyeom choked and new tears started to run down his cheeks. He sobbed loudly, tugging painfully at your heart strings.

“What’s wrong? Yugyeom? Are you hurt?” You grabbed his cheeks and wiped the tears away with your thumbs. “You know you can tell me anything.” You saw how he stared at your lips and how more and more tears welled up in his eyes.

You silently let him cry, wiping over his cheeks every now and then while you somehow tried to calm him down.

“Shh, it’s going to be alright. I’m here with you, it’s alright.”

Seeing you mumble words over and over again, something inside of Yugyeom snapped. “I can’t hear you!” He cried out, doubling over from the hurt and hiding his face behind his hands.

You froze. This wasn’t right. Yesterday he did hear you, didn’t he? At least he answered your questions. You remember him saying something about a loud ringing in his ears. You hadn’t worried too much about it since it was a common side effect after something loud happened next to your ears. But the fact Yugyeom wasn’t able to hear you at all now, was disturbing.

You hugged him tightly and rubbed with one hand soothingly over his back. Even though he couldn’t hear you humming, you did it anyway, trying to calm yourself as well. You couldn’t help it but your eyes turned misty as well.

You don’t know how long the both of you just sat there, cried and tried to calm down. Though as soon as Yugyeom moved slightly, you straightened again, quickly wiping with your arm over your eyes and face.

Yugyeom looked at you with empty eyes as if his soul just left his body behind. He didn’t move and didn’t try to hide his tears.

His eyes were red and already slightly swollen. Even the tip of his nose had turned red and made a stark contrast to the paleness of the rest of his face.

You leaned forward and cupped his cheeks again, wiping the remnants of tears away. You desperately wanted to say something reassuring but you feared it would upset him even more.

Instead you turned your attention to his phone, which was still blaring music. You turned the music off and switched to a note app, typing a message as fast as possible. “Let’s get dressed. I’ll call the doctor to tell him we’re coming over. Maybe he can help!”

You showed Yugyeom the screen of his phone, watching his eyes flicker over the text. He nodded slowly and got up, dragging himself over to the closet.

It hurt you to see him so devastated and you couldn’t even fathom how much pain it must have caused to realise you couldn’t hear after waking up.

While Yugyeom got dressed you called the doctor and told them you were on your way with an emergency. You briefly explained what happened and assured the assistant you would elaborate on it further as soon as you arrived.

You typed another message into Yugyeom’s phone, telling him everything would be alright, before you handed it back to him.

He smiled sadly but nodded, clinging at the sliver of hope the doctor might be able to help him hear again. He nervously bit on his lower lip, stepping restless from one foot on the other until you were ready as well.

You grabbed his hand as soon as you stepped out of the confines of your apartment. You gently rubbed your thumb over the back of his hand, trying to reassure him. 

His nervousness was palpable and it took everything within you to not be consumed by it as well. You needed to be level headed right now so you could help him the best way possible. 

When you arrived at the doctor’s, Yugyeom automatically waited for you at his side of the car. He looked around with a glum expression, seeing families with children laugh, seeing the wind shaking the leaves up in the tree, seeing birds hopping around, but he couldn’t hear any of it.

You took his hand again, squeezing it with a sad smile before you pulled him into the building. You took two flights of stairs, avoiding the elevator and the many people in front of it.

As soon as you stepped into the reception area, Yugyeom tensed again. Before he couldn’t really fathom the reality of his hearing loss but being here hit him like a punch to his gut.

You stopped for a second, looking up to him questioningly. You tried to show your worry through your expression, hoping Yugyeom understood you wanted to make sure he was still good.

He tried to smile at you but he couldn’t muster more than a hesitant tug on the corner of his lips. With a sigh he resumed shrugging with his shoulders and motioned to you to go to the reception.

With a short nod you followed his request but pulled him along since you refused to let go of his hand. 

“Hello, how can I help you?”

You smiled painfully, trying to appear somewhat polite. “Hi, I just called a few minutes ago. It’s about my boyfriend. He woke up this morning and told me he couldn’t hear me at all.”

Realisation flashed across the receptionist's face. She nodded and quickly typed something into her computer. “Please wait a second here. As soon as an assistant comes by they will lead you to an empty treatment room.”

You thanked her and pulled Yugyeom aside, taking out your phone and quickly typing a message for him again. “She told us to wait here until someone else will take us to an empty room.”

Yugyeom nodded slowly after reading your message. He sighed again and leaned his head against the wall behind him, closing his eyes. He wanted nothing more than to hear again.

Seeing his devastated expression, you just stepped closer to him and hugged him. You pressed your face against his chest and hoped to give him some sort of comfort. You felt how he wrapped his own arms around you and you took it as a good sign.

“Mr. Kim?”

You looked up to see an assistant smiling towards you.

“I’m here to lead you to a treatment room. If you would follow me, please.”

You nodded and tugged at Yugyeom’s arm, notifying him that the both of you had to go again. Once more you held his hand and followed the assistant through some hallways.

“Please take a seat”, she said as soon as she stepped into a room, walking over to the computer herself. “Could you describe the symptoms in detail?”

“Just one second please.” You turned to Yugyeom and typed a message into your phone once again, asking him to describe his symptoms.

“I’m not sure if I can speak clearly”, he wrote back, biting on his lower lip in fear.

You squeezed his hand. “It’s alright. You can write it and I will tell her.”

He nodded shortly and started to type everything that came to his mind.

“After the explosion yesterday I heard a loud ringing in both of my ears. Everything else was dull and as if someone had put cotton into my ears. I felt nauseous as well and everything was spinning inside of my head.” You read loudly, hearing the quick typing from the assistant. 

“He wasn’t able to walk straight as well, swaying from side to side as if his balance wasn’t there”, you added quickly, before you returned your focus to the new messages Yugyeom had written.

“When I woke up this morning I didn’t feel like the whole world was spinning anymore but I noticed I didn’t hear anything. Not even the loudest noise.”

“Do you still hear the loud ringing in your ears?” The assistant asked and looked up to you and Yugyeom.

You quickly typed her question into your phone, waiting for Yugyeom to answer.

He looked up and shook his head, before he typed something again. “Nothing, absolutely nothing.”

She nodded and typed something again. “Can you tell me what kind of explosion that was?”

“Some of the firework installations went off during his practice when they shouldn’t have done that” you answered. “We still don’t know the full reason yet, but the technicians claim it was an intermittent contact of some sorts.”

“How close was he to the installation?”

“Right on top of them. They exploded right in front of his face.”

“I see. Please, wait a few minutes. The doctor will be with you shortly.”

You nodded again and thanked her before she left the room.

“What did she ask just now?” Yugyeom questioned you, worry pooling in his eyes.

“She wanted to know about the explosion and how close you were to it.”

Yugyeom hummed in understanding and slumped down. The tension he felt during the questioning suddenly vanished and left him exhausted.

You leaned against him, taking once again his hand and playing absentmindedly with his fingers. You hated waiting, especially when you were worried about something and couldn’t relax until you had some certainty.

Thankfully you didn’t have to wait for long. You immediately looked up when you heard the door handle being pushed down.

The doctor nodded shortly to you before his gaze switched to Yugyeom, who hadn’t moved at all.

You wanted to notify him but a quick hand movement from the doctor halted you. Confused, you watched him walk over to a drawer, where he slammed his clipboard on the surface without warning.

Even though you had watched him, you still flinched from the loud bang.

Noticing the flinch, Yugyeom looked up to you in alarm before he followed your gaze and saw the doctor standing next to the drawer. Yugyeom nodded shortly as a greeting, waiting expectantly for anything the doctor might do.

He motioned towards the examination chair and waited for Yugyeom to follow his request. He silently observed how Yugyeom turned to you and only moved after you nodded reassuringly and let go of his hand.

As soon as Yugyeom sat down, the doctor silently started to examine his ears, using various instruments you didn’t know the name of. Every now and then he hummed, noting something on his clipboard, before he made another test or something.

Yugyeom sat on the edge of the chair. All his nerves were on high alert and it freaked him out to feel things getting put inside of his ear but not hearing them. He tried to glance towards you out of the corner of his eyes but to no avail. He wrung his fingers from the nervousness, trying to sit as still as possible for the doctor as well. 

Once he felt the tap on his arm and turned his gaze to the doctor he tensed once more. Yugyeom saw his lips moving but he still couldn’t hear his voice. He swallowed nervously and glanced towards you, asking silently for help, before he looked back to the doctor.

You gnawed on your lower lip, feeling just as nervous as Yugyeom. It didn’t matter what kind of test the doctor tried, the result seemed to be the same. The bad feeling spreaded once more through your body, making you anxious.

“How do you communicate with Mr. Kim?”

“Uh, I write him texts.”

The doctor hummed and rolled on his chair away from Yugyeom and towards his desk and the computer, reading over the notes the assistant had written down. “It’s mentioned the explosion occurred during a stage practice. Is that a regular thing?”

“The explosion?” You questioned, furrowing your brows in confusion. “Not like that. We do have firework installations from time to time though.”

“I meant the stage practice part.”

“Oh”, you laughed in embarrassment, “yeah pretty often. Since his debut as a dancer he has practised choreographies for hours and almost daily.”

“So, Mr. Kim is often surrounded by loud music.”

“Yeah.”

Yugyeom watched you nervously, trying to catch the words you said by reading your lips but with the doctor’s back facing him he couldn’t get the whole conversation.

“Alright, I want you to text Mr. Kim what I’m saying right now.” The doctor announced and turned fully towards you.

You nodded quickly and grabbed your phone, pointing at it so Yugyeom understood you were about to message him.

“The symptoms you have told us are typical indicators for a sudden hearing loss. Normally the ability of hearing will return in the next two weeks but you had a pretty severe trauma and with the constant strain you had put on your ears the possibility is shrinking immensely.”

“Do you mean there is a chance he won’t hear ever again?” You asked, hesitating to submit all the information just now.

“Yes. Normally only fifteen to twenty-five percent will have to live with the permanent damage. Most of those numbers are elderly people as well. But as I said with the constant strain, the percentage increases.” The doctor explained calmly. “I can prescribe Mr. Kim something that might help regain his hearing but it’s not certain that it helps.”

“Please do, he lives for his job and needs to hear the music.”

Yugyeom looked from his phone and back up to you repeatedly, waiting for your message. Especially when he saw you stopped typing. The fearful expression on your face made him even more nervous. He could feel the knot tightening in his stomach.

“The doctor says you have a severe case of sudden hearing loss. He’s going to prescribe you something that will hopefully help you. He said the ear will heal over the next two weeks. Normally.” You sent the message to Yugyeom.

“What do you mean with ‘normally’?”

You hesitated with your answer, contemplating if you should tell him the truth. You took a shaky breath and typed. “There is still a possibility nothing will change.”

Yugyeom looked up from the message, searching with wide eyes for any kind of joking manner in your expression.

“Please ask Mr. Kim if he has any questions.”

You swallowed and nodded once again, typing your message. “The doctor wants to know if you have any questions.”

Yugyeom glanced down on his phone when it vibrated with another message from you, quickly reading over it and shaking his head no as an answer.

“Alright, then I’m seeing you in two weeks again. My receptionist will give you an appointment. I’m sorry for the circumstances but we will hope for the best right now.” The doctor stood up, nodded and left the room, leaving Yugyeom and you alone.

You got up from your seat with a heavy heart and walked over to Yugyeom, placing a hand on his shoulder. When he looked up to you, you nodded with your head towards the door, indicating the both of you should leave.

He listlessly followed your request, his hand barely holding yours while you walked to the reception and got that new appointment as well as a prescription.

You made a beeline for the pharmacy on the ground floor, getting the medicine and a detailed instruction on how to use them before you walked to the car.

The moment you had told Yugyeom the damage might be permanent, he felt almost lifeless. You could basically see his worries spiralling downwards.

It didn’t change when you got home. Instead you watched him drag himself into the bedroom. He crawled underneath his blanket and just stayed there.

Sensing he might need some space and time to think, you stayed out of the bedroom. You called the agency and told them what happened, making sure they would cancel every show and act for at least the next two weeks. You sighed deeply after the phone call, resting your head in your hands. 

Of course they had to tell you between the best wishes for health improvement that they couldn’t keep a contract with someone, who wouldn’t be able to dance.

A tear ran down your cheek and a sob broke through your lips. There was no way you could tell Yugyeom his contract might get terminated. That would break his heart.

You silently sat on the couch for a while. You just breathed in and out, concentrating on nothing else until you finally calmed again. Until you were able to think straight again. How could you wallow in tears when Yugyeom was the one suffering the most.

Determined, you got up from the couch and walked into your shared bedroom, crawling underneath the cover just like Yugyeom did. Once again you rested on your side and faced him, seeing his red rimmed eyes and the snotty nose.

Yugyeom looked up to you, uncurling himself slightly. “I’m scared”, he sobbed and more tears streamed down his cheeks.

You opened your arms and let him crawl into your embrace silently. There was no need for you to say something. Right now all he needed was to be held. So you gently wrapped your arms around his shaking form and rubbed soothing circles on to his back. You let him cry against your chest, ignoring how your shirt turned wet from all his tears.

The both of you stayed like this for hours. Even when the sun started to set again you didn’t move. Yugyeom had fallen asleep by now, the exhaustion had gotten him after all and you followed him shortly after.

~

Over the next two weeks Yugyeom had only two different moods. He was either hopeful and clinged to the chance his hearing would heal or he was completely devastated and didn’t even leave his room. He even refused to see his friends, since he didn’t tell them about the accident. Yugyeom didn’t want to be shunned by them once they knew he couldn’t hear them anymore.

You never knew which mood would greet you the next day and even though you wanted to include his friends, hoping they might be able to cheer him up in any means, you never called them. Despite knowing that his hearing did not get better at all.

Some nights you would catch him watching the tv, the volume the loudest it could get, but he would be more focused on the lips of the actors than actually hearing what they said. He would always slump down in devastation once he gave up, knowing he still didn’t hear a thing.

You often had to remind yourself that you needed to text him since he wouldn’t hear your call. Making his phone vibrate on the highest level possible, was one of the first things you did to improve Yugyeom’s surroundings. But the more time passed, the more you knew this wasn’t the final solution.

The closer you got to the second appointment, the more restless you got. Your gut just knew by now that Yugyeom wouldn’t regain his sense of hearing unless some miracle happened over night.

Still, Yugyeom hoped for that miracle until the last second.

On the day of the appointment you woke up due to the blaring alarm. You blinked a few times and turned around to see Yugyeom already staring at you. His eyes were wide with expectation. You saw him stare at your lips, waiting for you to say something, waiting to hear your voice.

Tears welled up in your eyes and you slowly shook your head. You couldn’t say anything right now because you knew his expectations would get crushed, leaving him devastated.

Confused, Yugyeom stared at you, placing his hand on your upper arm, silently pleading for you to say something.

Once again you shook your head. Instead you leaned over him and shut the alarm. When you leaned back again, you looked into his eyes, seeing how they slowly dulled with the realisation he didn’t hear the alarm.

He wouldn’t believe it and shook you, pleading with tears streaming down his cheeks for you to say anything. Yugyeom still hoped he would hear your voice.

“I’m so sorry”, you whispered and wrapped your arms around him, crying with him on top of the bed.

Later at the doctor’s office the glum expressions on both of your faces were more than enough for the doctor to know nothing had changed over the past few weeks. He still asked Yugyeom to take a seat on the examination chair, doing the same procedure he had done the last time.

“Could you please tell Mr. Kim that we still have one more option.” The voice of the doctor pulled you out of your thoughts.

“An option? For him to hear again?”

“We could try a cochlear-implant. Mr. Kim would have to undergo a surgery. The healing process would take another four to six weeks before we can turn the implant on. The sounds won’t be the same but it is the closest option to hear again.”

The hope that had bloomed in your chest quickly dimmed again. You knew Yugyeom and you already knew his answer but you still wanted to tell him.

You pulled your phone out and started to type a message. “The doctor said we could try surgery for an implant. It would take time to heal before they could turn it on. You would be able to somewhat hear but he mentioned it wouldn’t be the same as before.”

You heard Yugyeom’s phone vibrate and looked up at him. He read over your message and his expression turned darker with each second.

“I don’t want it.”

“He doesn’t want it. Thank you for the suggestion anyway”, you told the doctor and folded your hands over your phone on the lap.

“So, you still communicate via texts?” 

You nodded silently.

“I think you know as well as I do that this isn’t the best solution,” he said and turned around to you.

“I know”, you sighed, “but right now this isn’t the top priority.”

The doctor hummed in understanding. “I’d suggest that both of you start to learn sign language. There are also a lot of helpful guides on the internet that will tell you to change acoustic required devices to visual ones.”

“Thank you. I’ll keep it in mind.” You bowed slightly towards him and got up, waiting for Yugyeom to join you at the door. “Have a nice day.”

With that both you and Yugyeom left again and went straight back home. This time Yugyeom didn’t need to hide in the bedroom and he didn’t cry. Instead he just plopped down on the couch and stared apathetically out of the window.

You mused he knew deep down that there was no way of regaining his hearing as he knew it. You gave him some space to accept his fate while you walked over to the kitchen and called the agency again, updating them on the case.

You argued with them for a while, pleading with them to keep Yugyeom under contract. At least a little longer. You were more than thankful when they agreed, feeling as if a heavy burden had lifted from your heart.

~

Over the next few days Yugyeom refused to leave the apartment, refused to message his friends and sometimes even refused to interact with you. Most of the time he just stayed in bed, wallowing in self pity on bad days and reading or playing games on good days.

You on the other hand tried to keep the daily schedule as normal as possible. So you kept in contact with his friends for him, telling them the inevitable. They were shocked to say the least but it turned to worry almost instantly. It brought a small smile on your face that his friends were willing to help you and help him in any which way. You knew once Yugyeom had finished the fight inside of himself that he would want a regular life again. 

Therefore you followed the doctor’s advice and studied. You bought books about sign language, some self helping guides and medical books to understand everything better. You even joined some chat-forums with other deaf and hard of hearing people or people who lived with them. 

You quickly came to the conclusion these chat-forums were actually more helpful than any guide. Especially since these people experienced it first hand and could give you better advice.

During his good days you tried to introduce him to some simple signs so you could communicate in a simpler way. He didn’t know it was actual sign language though. Yugyeom didn’t know it was actual sign language though, he also didn’t know you left every evening for some classes to learn it.

For a moment you even thought everything got slowly but surely better. That was until you got home one night and heard Yugyeom crying loudly somewhere in the living room.

You dropped all the groceries and rushed into the room, seeing Yugyeom sitting in front of the couch, knees pulled against his chest and face hidden behind his arms.

“What’s wrong?” You asked him right after tapping his shoulder, repeating the same signs over and over again. Your signs might be a little blurry from your shaking hands and the rapid movements but you still hoped he understood you.

Yugyeom didn’t look up to you, instead he shoved a crumpled letter nearly into your face, before he slightly turned away from you.

Confused, you took the letter and smoothed it down on your thigh, leaning forward to read it. 

The first thing you saw was the company logo in the upper right corner. Immediately irritation spread through your body since you couldn’t understand why they would send a letter, if it weren’t a ‘hope you get better soon’ letter, which was probably not the case according to Yugyeom’s reaction.

Your fingers still trembled violently and you had a hard time even reading the headline. “C-contract..”, you whispered and your heart immediately dropped to your feet. This couldn’t be what you thought it was. They told you they would give Yugyeom more time.

Yugyeom glanced up to you, noting the fear evident in your expression. “Did. you. know?” He asked, pronouncing every single word clearly.

You stared with wide eyes at your boyfriend, not being used to hearing his voice. “I- this- I, uhm”, you stuttered while your gaze switched between his face and the letter.

“DID. YOU. KNOW?”

You flinched slightly from the sudden volume in his voice. You still just stared at him, mouth ajar and the first tears welling up in your eyes. What were you supposed to say? You did know it somehow but you didn’t expect it so soon. You shook your head. “Not like this.”

“Not. like. this?” He repeated the words he read from your lips and scoffed. Yugyeom glared at you, the betrayal he felt prominent in his eyes.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean this to happen.” 

He scoffed again and shook his head. “Just go.” With that he buried his face back into his arms, letting the anger, frustration and hurt consume him.

You wanted to comfort him but you didn’t know how. Contemplating your options, you still sat beside him and stared with empty eyes down on the letter.

Sensing that you were still next to him, Yugyeom spoke again. Louder as he feared he wasn’t loud enough the first time. “Leave!”

You bit on your lower lip, trying to keep your emotions from spilling. “I’m sorry”, you whispered once again even though you knew he couldn’t hear you before you stood up and left.

With shaking hands you grabbed your phone and dialled a number. As soon as the call got through, you couldn’t hold your tears back anymore. “Jackson? Can I crash at your place tonight?”

The first thing Jackson did, when you arrived at his apartment, was to pull you into a bone crushing hug. “What happened?”

“He hates me”, you sobbed and hid your face in the crook of his neck. Your whole body shook from the violent sobs that escaped your lips.

“Sshh, that’s not true. We both know he loves you more than anything.”

“More than dancing? Because he lost that just now.” You lifted your hand with the letter from the agency that you had taken with you. “And he hates me because I knew this would happen.”

Jackson took the letter from your hand and scanned over it carefully, humming lowly while doing so. “Okay, how about we calm down first of all. I’m sure you have a lot on your mind right now, so let us get something to drink and we talk about it, huh?”

You nodded and wiped with the sleeves of your jacket over your face, smiling sadly but also thankfully at your friend.

When you stepped into his living room, you were met with Jaebeom and Jinyoung chilling on the couch. “I didn’t know you had guests over.” You turned to Jackson. “You should have told me. I’m sorry for interrupting you guys.”

“And leave you stranded alone somewhere in the big city? Don’t be silly.”

Both Jaebeom and Jinyoung got up and greeted you with a tight hug as well. “You know, you never bother us”, Jaebeom reassured you.

“It’s actually nice to see you again”, Jinyoung added with a hesitant smile, “come sit with us. We heard you have a lot to talk about.”

You chuckled tiredly but nodded and followed them to the couch, basically telling them everything as soon as you sat down. For once the weight on your shoulders was barely there and you were just thankful you could share your worries. 

“I’m just worried he might hurt himself now. That stupid letter was a punch right into his gut. You know him, he would never give up on dancing so easily. He would have just needed more time.” You concluded and downed probably the third glass of wine.

“I’ll go check up on him.” Jinyoung said and stood up, stretching one hand towards you. “Give me your keys.”

You didn’t even question him and just pulled your keys out and handed them to him. “Could you get him a pizza or something as well? I’m pretty sure he hasn’t eaten today.”

“Look at you still worrying about your boyfriend after he kicked you out.”

“He didn’t kick me out or did he?” You turned with wide eyes to Jackson, your lower lip already starting to quiver again and tears threatening to spill from your eyes.

“No, no, he didn’t. Yugyeom just needed time alone.” Jackson assured you and pulled you once more into a hug, rubbing over your back slowly.

“I better get going. I’ll message you when I have an update.”

You nodded and thanked him quietly, feeling somewhat relieved already with the knowledge Yugyeom wouldn’t be alone.

“I’ll get going as well. Once everything has settled we should meet again. All of us.” Jaebeom said and briefly hugged you before he followed Jinyoung to the exit.

Jackson quickly bid them goodbye and returned to you curled up on his couch. “You can take my bed if you want to sleep.”

You shook your head tiredly. “I’m fine with the couch”, you whispered, “thank you for letting me stay anyway.”

“No need to thank me. You can always crash at my place.” Jackson smiled and patted your shoulder before he started to clean up the room. “Try to rest for a while. I’m sure tomorrow morning will be better.”

You quickly fell asleep afterwards, only waking up once in the middle of the night to a short message from Jinyoung. 

“Ate pizza, cried, talked a lot and regrets lashing out at you. He sleeps now.”

You smiled at the message before you drifted back to sleep.

The next time you woke up, you felt oddly refreshed. Despite the fact you had drunk the night prior and slept on the couch. You stretched your arms over your head, feeling new determination rising within your heart.

You grabbed your phone and called the agency. They needed to explain some things and you wanted to know them now.

Ignoring the greeting once the phone call connected, you immediately got to the point. “I thought we had a deal to hold off Yugyeom’s contract termination?”

“We’re deeply sorry for his circumstances but we can’t keep the contract for someone who isn’t able to work for us.” The voice on the other line told you calmly.

“How would you know? I told you he needed more time! Yugyeom won dozen of fucking awards under the name of your agency and you’re just going to drop him?”

“Well, he can’t dance now, can he? What good can he do now? Surely not to win more awards.”

“What?” You yelled outraged by the accusation. “Are you fucking kidding me? You should know that Yugyeom is dedicated to his dancing! You should know he loves to dance more than anything! I can’t believe you’re giving up on him so easily.”

“Once again we are sorry, but without his sense of hearing we don’t see him dance again.”

“Well, I don’t need to hear music to dance!” You shouted into the receiver and hung up the call right after it, huffing in anger.

“Pretty sure I never want to get on your bad side.” Jackson greeted you with a grin. “Tried to negotiate with the company?”

You shook your head and slumped down on the couch. “No, I just wanted to know why.”

“And? Do you know now?”

“Yeah. I never realised how they only focused on success and money. Maybe it’s good that Yugyeom isn’t with them anymore,” you sighed and closed your eyes.

“What about you?”

“I’m sending them my redundancy notice today. They should have known I wouldn’t keep on working with them when they kicked Yugyeom out.”

“Good. Do you have any ideas what you’re going to do instead?” Jackson asked and plopped down next to you.

You shook your head. “Absolutely no fucking idea. Right now my top priority is to get Yugyeom back on track somehow. I know he still wants to dance and I just need to find a way for him to do exactly that.”

“Don’t try to shoulder everything on your own. You should communicate with him. I think you’re better off together. I’m sure you will find a solution together.” Jackson patted your thigh reassuringly before he got up. “How about we get some breakfast and I’ll drop you off at your place?”

“Sounds fantastic”, you smiled and stood up as well, getting ready to visit a café for a nice breakfast.

You bought some extra coffee and bagels after your own breakfast, guessing neither Jinyoung nor Yugyeom would have eaten so far. 

You anxiously waited in front of your own door until Jinyoung opened it with sleepy eyes, rubbing over his face once before he actually registered you.

“Coffee?”

He nodded with a small grin and took the tray with the two coffee cups from you. “You’re a lifesaver.” Jinyoung quickly breathed in the freshly brewed coffee and sighed in delight. “Exactly what I needed.”

You smiled and followed him into the kitchen. “I’ve brought bagels as well. Feel free to dig in.” You shortly looked around but couldn’t see Yugyeom. “How is he?”

Jinyoung took a sip from his coffee. “Still asleep. Was a short night. He is mostly frustrated with himself as far as I can tell.”

“Understandable. Thank you for being there for him.”

“Don’t mention it. You can’t do everything on your own. By the way I didn’t know Yugyeom is still able to speak.” Jinyoung tilted his head slightly, observing your reaction.

You chuckled and shrugged with your shoulders. “Of course. He isn’t mute and as long as he knows the words he can still say them. He’s just insecure about it because he can’t hear himself. I’m sure he doesn’t want to mess it up and be laughed at.”

Jinyoung nodded in thought. “That explains the clear enunciation. Huh, the more you know.” He grinned and glanced past you. “I think that’s my cue to go. Thanks for the breakfast! And give us a call once in a while.”

You turned around confused as to why Jinyoung would want to leave so suddenly until you saw Yugyeom standing in the doorway.

Before you were even able to say or do something he crossed the distance between the both of you with a few large steps and pulled you into a hug, silently crying into your shoulder. “I’m sorry”, he mumbled over and over again.

You returned the embrace immediately and softly brushed with your fingers through his locks. “It’s alright”, you whispered even though he couldn’t hear you.

Once Yugyeom had calmed down again and leaned slightly back, you cupped his face and gently kissed the tears on his cheeks away. “I am not mad at you.” You smiled and leaned on the tip of your toes to properly kiss him.

He sobbed one more time but tried to smile as well, feeling relieved you still stood by his side. “Can we talk?”

“Of course”, you nodded and guided him to the table, pushing the coffee and bagel over to him. You searched for a piece of paper and a pen and sat down next to Yugyeom. “You have a lot on your mind.”

Yugyeom hummed in agreement. “It’s very confusing”, he jotted down quickly and pushed the paper back to you.

“It takes time. You didn’t learn how to walk in one day either.”

Yugyeom leaned over to you and chuckled lowly when he read your words.

“I believe in us! I know we find a way and I know we can make it!” You added, writing the exclamation marks rather forcefully.

He chuckled again and nodded before he took the pen from you. “Thank you for staying with me. I love you.”

You smiled at the small heart he drew next to his writing and immediately hugged him again, placing a quick kiss on his cheek. “I love you too”, you mouthed when he looked at you.

~

Months have passed and Yugyeom attended several classes with you to use sign language. You rarely used your phones anymore to text each other.

Yugyeom even admitted he liked talking to you in sign language since he enjoyed seeing your expressions when you tried to get a point across. 

Additionally he also loved to make fun of his friends in sign language, using the benefit that they didn’t understand him.

You remember that one night where all of them had visited you. At first Yugyeom had been overwhelmed and thought he missed out on conversations because he couldn’t hear them. But after the first few hurdles it quickly calmed down and the guys got used to talking slowly and to facing him while doing so. Sometimes you still had to step in and translate stuff. Especially when Bambam got overly excited or Youngjae couldn’t say one complete sentence without laughing.

“I swear I hear him laughing even though I’m deaf”, Yugyeom told you at one point and glanced with a cocky smirk over to Youngjae, who once again doubled over from a joke Mark had told him.

“It’s loud”, you agreed and giggled.

“Not as loud as Jackson’s ego.”

This time you couldn’t hold your own laughter back. You quickly covered your mouth with one hand but it was too late. The attention had shifted on you and Yugyeom, who proudly puffed his chest out.

“I swear to god, if you two keep doing that I am going to learn sign language as well!” Jackson yelled, making you laugh even more.

You were glad positive moments like these outweighed the negative ones. Of course you couldn’t prevent them from happening but you tried to keep them as rare as possible.

Though sometimes Yugyeom had to hold you back, reminding you that you didn’t have to try so hard and overwork yourself in the process.

Since you couldn’t understand his situation completely you sometimes shot over the finish line. You were thankful Yugyeom seemed to be at peace with himself and teased you more often than not about it.

“It’s quite nice to not hear so many people at once”, he told you when the both of you went grocery shopping, looking around with a serene smile. “They all seem so hectic.”

You immediately understood what he meant and just nodded in agreement. You had noticed for yourself as well that you preferred being surrounded by all your deaf or hard hearing classmates instead of people, who could hear. Even during arguments and hectic usage of sign language it still felt somewhat simple and calm.

You knew Yugyeom had started to look forward to the classes or even simple meetings because he didn’t feel odd or alone with them. He could share things he didn’t understand and they could help him in ways you weren’t able to.

During those meetings you often just sat back and watched Yugyeom interact with others, smiling happily that he got included so easily.

“Sometimes I ‘hear’ this ringing in my ears, do you have that too?” Yugyeom asked one of his classmates, making you slightly alert.

“Pretty often. The brain just tries to fill in the lack of auditory stimuli.” The girl explained with a gentle smile and you immediately relaxed again.

“Really? How do you get rid of it?”

“I listen to music.”

You frowned, thinking you misunderstood her. You could see the same expression on Yugyeom’s face as well. “Listen to music?” He asked tentatively. “How?”

She laughed and pulled out her smartphone, tapping a few times on her screen before she showed it to Yugyeom.

Confused, he stared at the moving screen, watching all sorts of colours dance across it as if they followed a specific rhythm. “I still don’t understand.”

“I’m tricking my brain to think it hears music”, she explained calmly, “since I can’t hear music I try to hear it with other senses. I see the music here and it gives my brain enough stimuli to quieten the noise in my ears.”

Her explanation struck something inside of you and you shot up in alarm, startling several people around you. With a quick apology and a note to Yugyeom you would be back in a minute, you rushed out of the room.

You pulled your phone out of your pocket and dialled a number. “Jaebeom? I need your help!” You nearly yelled into the receiver once the call got connected.

A few days after your phone call you dragged an oblivious Yugyeom through the streets and towards Jaebeom’s private recording studio.

“Where are we going?”

You turned around and smiled at Yugyeom, a mischievous glint hidden in your eyes. “You’ll see.” With that you turned back forwards and kept dragging him along.

Ever since that girl mentioned she perceives the music with her other senses you wanted to try something. You had a hunch and hoped it was possible the way you imagined it.

Yugyeom tapped your shoulder when you stopped in front of a door. “That’s Jaebeom’s recording studio. What are we doing here?”

You still grinned and told him the same answer as before, moving on as soon as the door opened for the both of you. You followed a few hallways and stopped at another door again, knocking against it.

Yugyeom could see how you basically vibrated with excitement, even though he couldn’t understand why. He was sure he was completely out of place in a recording studio but he refrained from mentioning it.

Jaebeom opened the door and greeted both of you, smiling rather ominously in Yugyeom’s opinion. Which hardened even more after seeing Jaebeom ask “does he know?”.

Yugyeom squinted his eyes in suspicion, not being able to see your answer except for a short shaking of your head.

Jaebeom laughed and nodded, letting the both of you into his studio. He sat back down on his chair and offered the both of you to take a seat on the couch opposite of him. Once Yugyeom and you sat down, he turned towards you. “I did everything you asked. Do you want to explain it to him or just go for it?”

Your face brightened at the offer and your smile widened even more. “We just go for it!”

“We just go for what?” Yugyeom asked, quickly switching his focus between the both of you, fearing he might miss another spoken sentence.

You grabbed his attention and his wrists and pulled him into the attached recording booth. “You’ll see”, you just told him again with a wink and closed the door behind you.

The booth was slightly smaller than the other room but you still had enough space to move around, exactly what you wanted. You found the pair of headphones Jaebeom had prepared for you and put them on before you signalled Jaebeom to start.

Yugyeom stared at you in confusion. “Do you want to record a song?” He asked, making sure you understood just how confused he felt.

You shook your head with a smile. “Listen.”

He was about to storm out of the recording booth, thinking you were messing with him, when he suddenly felt something. A tremble. Surprised, Yugyeom looked down on your interlocked hands, seeing that you weren’t moving at all. He looked back up to your face, seeing how giddy you were.

“Do you hear it?” You asked and let go of his hands.

“I’m deaf.” He stated bluntly. Once again the thought you were messing with him wandered through his mind.

“With your body! Do you hear it with your body?”

Another tremble shook through him, even stronger than the one before. Understanding dawned on Yugyeom’s face, when he felt the vibrations of the air with his body.

You turned to Jaebeom and quietly signalled him to increase the bass as well as the volume. You immediately felt the shivers running through your body and looked back to Yugyeom.

He already started some small movements according to the rhythm, a smile dancing over his lips. 

You stepped back to give him more space and nodded reassuringly when he looked at you with wide eyes. “You can dance.”

“But I can’t hear the melody.”

“You don’t dance with your ears”, you laughed and shook your head quickly, “you dance with your heart. You feel the music, the rhythm.”

Yugyeom swallowed nervously, the Adam's apple bobbing up and down. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to concentrate solely on the vibrations he felt with his body, with his heart.

You squealed in excitement when he started to move, clapping in your hands when his smile returned on his lips. You even saw Jaebeom root for him through the window, turning in circles on his chair with both arms stretched over his head.

Tears welled up in your eyes from the emotions that started to overwhelm you, but you kept on watching Yugyeom dance with the excitement he always had.

“I can dance!”

You laughed loudly. “Of course you can.”

Yugyeom shook his head and walked over to you. “I can dance again because of you.” With that he cupped your face and leaned down to kiss you deeply.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him closer, grinning into the kiss.

Now there was only one thing missing.

Jaebeom had agreed to let Yugyeom come over whenever he wanted, knowing you were already on the hunt for a dance studio. Except for Yugyeom himself, all of your friends knew about the plan and tried to help you where they could.

It still took you several weeks before you finally found a run down dance studio in the basement of a large building.

You had taken Mark with you to visit it, needing another dancer's perspective on it before you decided to actually buy it.

“Are you sure this is the right address?” Mark asked and looked up towards the sky, probably searching for the end of the skyscraper. 

“We will know when we ask someone in there.” You just answered him and walked into the building, finding a receptionist immediately and asking him about the visiting appointment you had made for the studio.

He didn’t even look up and just handed you a key, telling you the entrance was at the side of the building.

Slightly overwhelmed you took the key and walked with Mark back outside, following the instructions of the receptionist.

You quickly found the stairs next to the building, leading down to a door. With a small shrug you walked down and opened the door. You scrunched your nose from the musty smell but continued to get inside.

“Definitely run down”, Mark commented and looked around, once you turned on the light, “we need to fix a few things before it can be used but it should be worth a try.”

You followed Mark through the changing rooms into the actual dance studio. It was simple with one front being a large mirror while the others were sound proofed. You could already picture the large bass speakers on both sides of the room, standing on the ground so Yugyeom would feel the vibrations not only through the air but through the floor as well.

“This is perfect”, you whispered and grinned at Mark, who jumped on a few wooden boards.

“Well, not perfect but good enough.”

You hit him on his shoulder with a laugh but nodded anyway. “Can I trust you with the renovations? I think you know better than I do what needs to be done here.”

“As soon as you give me the okay, I’ll hire some guys and get everything done.”

“Thank you”, you hugged Mark tightly, knowing this wasn’t a small favour you asked of him.

It took another few weeks for you to sign the contract and buy the studio and for Mark to organise the renovations.

With every passing day you got more and more nervous and excited at the same time. Yugyeom still didn’t know what you had done since everyone still kept being very secretive about it.

When you finally got the message from Mark that the studio was ready for Yugyeom, you nearly exploded. You basically dropped everything and ran through your apartment to Yugyeom, who was currently dancing in the bedroom with a small speaker pressed against his chest.

You impatiently tried to get his attention until he finally stopped moving and looked at you with a raised eyebrow.

“I need to show you something!”

“Okay, show me.”

“No, you need to come with me!” You grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the bedroom.

Yugyeom saw you once again vibrating with excitement and a small smile played on his lips, seeing you like that.

You drove over to the studio, tapping the steering wheel nervously because it couldn’t go fast enough for you. 

When you arrived, you parked the car and turned towards Yugyeom. “I need you to promise me something.”

He squinted his eyes in suspicion but quickly smiled again. “Sure, what is it?”

“Once you get out of the car keep your eyes closed until I squeeze your hands two times in a row.” You said with a serious expression, making it absolutely clear you didn’t want him to cheat.

Yugyeom nodded and followed your instructions. It felt somehow strange to neither hear nor see something but he trusted you and silently walked with you.

You took a deep breath and shook your free hand before you stopped Yugyeom and pressed his hands two times.

He slowly opened his eyes, focusing on you at first and then turning his gaze up to a sign, which read ‘Just Dance’. Confused, he tilted his head and looked back at you.

Instead of saying something you pulled out the keys and placed them in his hands, pointing at the stairs behind you.

Yugyeom couldn’t tell when the last time was where he felt nervous, confused and excited at the same time. He needed another reassuring nod from you before he took the stairs and opened the door at the end of them.

You followed him with excitement, your eyes trained on his body so you wouldn’t miss a single reaction from him.

He carefully opened the door and walked inside, turning on the lights. Yugyeom found himself in a small hallway with two doors. Curiously he wandered to the first door and opened it, peeking his head inside. He immediately turned to the other door, feeling his heart beating loudly inside of his chest with anticipation.

You watched Yugyeom walk to the second door and stop in front of it. He didn’t open it and instead stared at the door handle, wiping his hands repeatedly over his pants. You could hear him mutter something underneath his breath before he finally grabbed the handle and opened the door with so much force he nearly fell into the room.

Yugyeom gasped loudly, seeing the huge dance studio in front of him. Not believing his own eyes, he stumbled further into the room, turning around several times.

You smiled and walked over to the music station. You turned it on and searched through a few songs until you found one and pressed play.

Yugyeom immediately turned towards the huge bass speakers when he felt the first thrums of the music. Realising someone must have turned them on, he quickly glanced around until he found you leaning against one wall with the brightest smile possible.

“What is this?” He asked while walking over to you.

“Your own dance studio.”

“Mine?” Yugyeom couldn’t believe what you were telling him.

“Yes”, you smiled widely, “all of this is yours. You can do whatever you want with it. Practice for competitions, teach other hearing impaired people or just have fun in it. The guys will come over tomorrow to celebrate together with you.”

You walked over to the speakers, making sure Yugyeom was following you and continued. “These speakers are specifically made to enhance the bass and the rhythm of songs, making it easier for you to dance to them. The walls are soundproof so you can turn the music as loud as you want.”

A huge grin spread over Yugyeom’s face and he stepped backwards into the middle of the room. He nodded a few times with closed eyes, needing to get into the rhythm. A laugh broke through his lips as soon as he started with the first moves.

You watched him dance, being just as entranced as the last time you saw him dance on that stage. He had gone through so much and you couldn’t even describe how thankful you felt that Yugyeom was able to dance once again.

You had no idea how much time passed while you watched him almost float over the dance floor, but he suddenly decided to include you in his dancing.

With a mischievous grin Yugyeom grabbed your hands and pulled you back with him into the middle of the room. He pulled you close against his body, guiding you through the movements.

You automatically closed your eyes and let him move your body to his will. You slowly felt the heat in your body rising and your breath quicken, getting more into it with every passing second.

At one point you realised you had started grinding against his crotch. You opened your eyes and looked to the mirror in front of you, seeing Yugyeom holding you close against his body with one hand on your lower stomach.

When he looked up as well through half lidded eyes, shivers ran down your spine. His dark eyes were watching your every move, hungry and full of lust. 

You bit on your lower lip and tilted your head back, leaning it against his chest. Even over the music you heard Yugyeom growl and felt small kisses wandering over your exposed throat. You moaned and pressed your ass even more against his crotch, feeling his hardening length.

“Fuck”, Yugyeom breathed and spun you around, walking you backwards until you hit the mirror. He immediately pressed himself against you and leaned down to kiss you.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him even closer against your body, wanting to feel all of him.

Yugyeom fumbled with the button of your pants until he dragged them and your underwear down, breaking the kiss but placing more open mouthed kisses on every exposed skin he could find.

You quickly kicked your pants and underwear away with one foot, biting on your lower lip as you saw Yugyeom’s hungry eyes looking up to you. 

His fingers glided over your thighs and under your shirt, grabbing your hips and pulling them against his clothed length. He sensually moved against you, driving you crazy within seconds.

Eagerly your own hands wander from his shoulders down to his pants, quickly opening the button and zipper and pushing them slightly down. You grabbed his dick with your hands right after licking over two of your fingers and slowly pumped him a few times, hearing Yugyeom groan.

He closed his eyes, revelling in the sensation of your touch. He let go of your hips and pressed his hands against the mirror to keep his stance while his urge to take you grew stronger and stronger.

Yugyeom stopped you before he would cum all over the place. He kissed you again before he placed his hands behind your thighs and pulled you with one swift motion up on his hips.

You squeaked in surprise and grabbed onto his shoulders, searching for something to hold on, while your legs immediately crossed behind his back.

He looked you into your eyes and asked you silently if you wanted to continue. His dark eyes bore into yours and you nearly forgot to answer him. You leaned forward and kissed him while one of your hands glided down his chest to his length and guided him to your entrance.

You moaned when he slowly pushed into you, spreading your walls open. Your body quivered with pleasure when he bottomed out and just stayed like this for a second.

Yugyeom breathed heavily, trying to control himself. He had forgotten how tight you were and needed some time to get used to it.

Once he deemed himself safe, he started to move his hips, pounding into you with the rhythm of the song playing in the background.

You felt the bass vibrate within you as well as Yugyeom taking you hard. You arched your back while your hands continuously brushed through his locks. Moan after moan escaped your lips and with each thrust they got louder.

Carefully, you let one of your hands wander down Yugyeom’s arm until you reached his hand. You loosened his grip on your thigh, whereby he pressed you harder against the mirror, and guided his hand slowly up your body.

As soon as you reached the base of your throat you pressed his flat hand against your skin, hoping he could feel the vibrations of your vocal cords over the bass from the music.

Yugyeom looked up in surprise, shortly stuttering in his rhythm. He quickly regained it though the minute he understood. A smirk played over his lips and he thrusted even harder into you, while he pressed his hand tighter against the base of your throat. His fingers slightly graced the skin of your throat and made you moan even more. 

You felt the heat rising between the both of you, knowing the mirror behind you must have steamed up already.

Soon enough his thrusts got sloppy and you knew Yugyeom wouldn’t last much longer. Musterring every ounce of consciousness you still had left inside of your mind, you placed a finger underneath his chin and tilted his head slightly upwards until he locked eyes with you.

You bit on your lower lip and pulled both hands towards you, making sure they were in his line of sight. “I love you.”

Yugyeom grinned lovingly and hid his face in the crook of your neck, feeling almost embarrassed how affected he got by your words. With a last few thrusts he came, spilling a huge load of white inside of you.

For a few moments neither of you moved and just stayed frozen in time, breathing heavily but with satisfied smiles.

After his length had softened and slipped out of you, Yugyeom carefully placed you back on the ground. He leaned his forehead against yours, relishing in the moment of being close to you.

“Thank you”, he whispered, hoping you would hear his voice, even though the music was still playing.

“For what?”

Yugyeom grinned, seeing your confused expression. He let go of your body to properly explain himself, keeping his eyes solely focused on you. “For staying by my side all this time. For being with me even when I was unbearable. For keeping me on track.”

You leaned up on the tip of your toes and quickly pecked his lips, smiling gently. “Our journey has just begun.”

© all rights reserved

[pars-ley]

VOID

Pairing: Jackson x female reader ft Yugyeom x female reader

Summary: Jackson ending it with you was supposed to be for the best, but instead it spirals you into a pit of unhappiness and bad luck. What happens when meeting someone new can't compare to what you've already had?

Genre: Angst / break up au / established relationship au / marriage au / fluff

Rating: 16+ (SFW)

Warnings: Heavy Angst / swearing / some depression and depressive thoughts

Word count: 6.1k

A/N: This is for the flight log project with @got7writerscollective​ the prompt was ‘The Journey’. This is also unedited because as last minute Ley strikes again I didn’t have time. Thank you to everyone from the net who read this and wrote their reactions to this in the channel, you guys made my heart super happy.

Meeting Jackson wasn't planned but it happened.

A shy glance from the table across from you and you knew he was interested. All it took was one smile and he was at your table asking to join you.

Your conversation, free and absorbed and never ending.

The late night dates for dinner or to the movies, with walks in the park watching the sunset fade and the inky sky take over as you stroll in the moonlight hand in hand.

The early morning coffee stops that made you smile as soon as your eyes opened and you wiped the sleep from them. Just knowing you would see his handsome face and be on the mercy of his playful banter.

Every moment you were together felt like home.

Falling for him wasn't your intention but it happened.

The silly things he would do to try and cheer you up when you were sad, even if he made himself look like a fool, he didn't care as long as you smiled.

The long, hot nights of steamy love making that always took your breath away, as he explored your body until he knew it better than you. Prying his name from your lips more than once during those pleasure filled nights. Never tiresome or boring.

The quick lunch dates when he made it to the top of his career, bringing him lunch when you knew he had no time to eat but he still made time for you, no matter how busy he was.

Something had clicked fairly early on and you knew he was the one you wanted to spend your life with.

You fell hard and fast, your feelings never fading in four years, your love and lust for him still in abundance and only growing day by day.

Now suddenly, everything you've built together so solidly, so secure, has come crumbling down in front of you from six words...

"I think we should end this."

They echo like a distant voice concaved in a tunnel of stone desperate to escape, like you are. You struggle to find the end, to see the light, to feel the relief of being out of that darkness.

You feel like your drowning, gasping for air, fighting your way to the surface. But which was it? How can you get there when his words are the ocean, smothering you with its liquid jaws.

"Why?" You squeak out, fighting the tears that desperately fight their way out.

His eyebrows knit together as he watches your face. "Because I cannot give you what you want."

You shake your head, lower lip trembling fiercely. "I can wait, it's ok, I'll wait." You hear the desperation in your voice and the sound makes you sick.

"Baby, I don't know when I'll be ready, I'm finally where I want to be in my career and I've got to work hard, long hours to stay here. There's no place for children. It's not fair to ask you to wait."

"Y-your not asking. I'm t-telling you, I'll wait." You whimper, tears spilling from your eyes.

He sighs and wipes your tears away, his own eyes glassy and bloodshot. "And what if I'm never ready? You have always told me how important being a mother is to you. I will not be the one to take that away from you. I can't. I need to let you go. To let you find someone who can give you the things I can't."

Your tears fall freely now, feeling hot on your cheeks but the trails quickly turning cold in the air. Your body shivers uncontrollably, blood feeling like ice in your veins.

"But I-I don't want anyone else." You argue, the sound is petty, hardly audible.

You're losing, you know it. He's slipping through your fingers no matter how much you try to grasp at him.

"I don't either, but I think this will be better for you in the long run. I don't want to lead you on a road of disappointment because of my selfishness." He plants a long, lingering kiss on your forehead. "I'm sorry. I love you."

Before walking away and out of the door.

You crumple, your cheek finding semblance against the cold, hard floor. That's it. He's gone. You're alone.

6 months later…

The letters on the newspaper practically fly out and slap you in the face. The gaping hole he left in your chest when he took your heart with him begins pulsing with fresh agony.

Your emotions rush at you all at once, coming up and escaping from your mouth and into the kitchen sink.

The emptiness of your stomach feeling heavy as a rock, weighing you down, urging you to greet the floor. Your legs wobble under your weight as silent tears fall, leaving clear splashes on the mahogany wood under your feet.

Why is this happening? How?

So many questions, so many thoughts swirl in your mind, deafening you.

You get up from your chair and shuffle weakly back to bed, unable to face anything today.

Your phone rings wildly but you ignore it, the sound growing more distant the more your thoughts and woes consume you. Your friends have probably seen the news, they'll be worrying. Let them.

Climbing under the duvet and hoping to forget the world as your tears fall, staining your pillow, you see the print inked on the back of your eyelids. Everytime you close your eyes, it's there mocking and tormenting you.

"Millionaire CEO Jackson Wang expecting first child with Swedish actress and model, Scarlett Borgsson."

The blanket of sadness you pull over yourself, reminding you how much you still love him. Meaning he's never truly gone and you will never be truly free.

He's moved on. You should too.

But right now all you can envision is his hands on her swollen belly.

A child with his smile and her eyes.

Your chest aches agonizingly beyond belief for one that’s so empty and useless.

For three weeks you stay locked away, ignoring the world, hardly sleeping and then sleeping too much. Hardly eating but then binging late at night, when you eat in an attempt to ignore the screaming inside your head and the pain piercing your ribcage.

You remember real life. Your job, money, bills, friends. And you pull yourself out of the dark void. The thick shadow that clings to you, constantly pulling you back, giving you the easy and very tempting option. But you fight it.

You shower and wash your hair. You attempt to eat normally but food doesn’t interest you, everything has lost its flavour, everything is bland, tasteless and black and white without him.

You sleep during the day and lie awake at night, attempting work on your sculptures, everything you create shows heartbreak, devastation and sadness. But it'll have to do.

A deadline for an exhibition is rapidly approaching and you need to get back to some semblance of normality. To think about something other than him. To be productive and to work.

3 months later…

You stroll around the room, watching as people critique and fathom your artwork, listening to the theories and stories they invent. This is the best part.

No one knows you created these pieces. You can go undiscovered and walk among people, no fake niceties or pleasantries, just honesty.

You feel happiness creeping into you, filling your empty places with a new fulfilment, one you haven't felt in so long.

It's the moment you hear a familiar voice that every part of you freezes.

Any emotion other than dread or heartbreak leaves your body instantly, running away leaving you empty again. Your blood turns to ice in your veins. GET OUT OF HERE! You scream to yourself, willing your feet to move but suddenly, they feel chained to the spot, your body betraying you.

You manage to turn towards your escape, his face entering your view and masking everything else.

Just as handsome, just as perfect as he was when he was yours. Dark hair swept back not a strand out of place, a flawless fitted suit that shows off every muscle and curve of his chiseled body.

You take a step to the doors with the bright red ‘EXIT’ above them but as soon as you move it's almost as if he senses it. His head snapping in your direction following your movement. His eyes lighting up for a moment the way they used to, a small glimmer of hope flares inside you, maybe he still loves you, maybe he realises this has all been a mistake.

Until, a swollen belly makes its way into your eyeline and it all comes crashing down like a thousand shards of glass, as a reminder where you belong. Wounded and bleeding with unreciprocated love.

You finally tear your eyes away from his to look at her. All slim legs and breasts, nipples braless and pointing aggressively at Jackson.

Her small, pregnant stomach is perfect; the envy of every expectant mother. A perfect set of teeth behind full lips smile at all of those around her.

Long blonde hair shimmering, strands reflecting the light as if purposefully trying to blind you.

You’re not good enough to even be looking at her, they tell you.

Something else glinting catches your attention and your eyes immediately travel to her left hand. On her boney ring finger sat a rock the size of a baby's fist, glaring at you, teasing you. Of course. The cherry on top of a fantastic year.

Jackson follows your gaze and when you meet his eyes again he stares at you with wide eyes and a sorrow brow. A hand outreached towards you.

A bitter taste in your mouth at his pity sends your feet pulling you away and out of the room. You’re out of those doors before you know it, cold air whipping at your face but you barely feel it. You’re numb, unable to form the energy to feel and yet feeling everything so deeply, all at once. You want to scream into the night sky. Wondering what it is you’ve done in a past life that was so awful to deserve this.

8 months later…

Meeting yugyeom wasn't planned but it happened.

An aspiring artist featured alongside you in one of your exhibitions. You got along instantly.

The first time in a long time holding a conversation or getting to know someone didn't feel like hard work.

You both ran in the same creators circle, you had a lot in common so naturally you become fast friends.

You weren't sure when it changed for you, when it became something slightly more, but you did know he was the sweetest, purest soul you'd met and you couldn't let him slip through your fingers.

Jackson still ran through your mind constantly of course, using you as his own personal treadmill. His face still haunting your dreams, memories still sneaking up on you when you least expect it.

You'd caught headlines about his baby or wedding but most of the time you avoided everything about him completely. Not wishing to know anything about his life, for fear the pain would return and your chest would open up and become the gaping,  black hole it used to be.

Yugyeom deserves your full attention and your whole heart, what was salvaged of it at least.

After he moves in with you it's all late nights cuddling on the sofa, early morning runs through the local park, dinner parties with friends and holidays to new destinations having adventures.

Yugyeom being with you means having your best friend around. He makes you feel safe and comforted, the wall of heat when you get home after a long day out in the cold. The blanket around you when watching your favourite movie. The bubbles that surround you in the bathtub when having a relaxing soak. He is your solace.

"Marry me." He whispers in your ear with his arms wrapped around your stomach.

You freeze, stirring the vegetables in the pan no longer matters once you hear those words.

A million thoughts race through your mind, one jumps out.

I thought it would be Jackson saying those words to me.

You catch it and toss it out the open window allowing it to be carried in the breeze. Jackson is married and has a child, he is gone.

Yugyeom stands behind you, cradling you and offers you his heart on a silver platter with all the trinkets.

No matter what expectation you had for your life before, you're on a new path now. A path that deserves a chance.

You turn in his arms, wrapping yours around his neck and bringing your lips to his, dancing in a mellow kiss.

"Is that a yes?" His mouth smiles against you, hands either side of your face, tucking hair behind your ears.

"Yes."

He beams at you, pulling a ring box out of his pocket and presenting it to you.

A large, gaudy diamond wrapped in a thin, gold band. None of your jewellery is gold, in fact, you detest it but this man has given you his heart, the least you can do is wear the ring he's bought.

He slides it on your finger. Looking down at your hand, you don't recognise it, it looks alien like it belongs to someone else. But you smile and kiss him until you're a tangled mess on the kitchen floor, dinner long burnt and forgotten.

9 months later…

You stand central to everyone, rows of packed seating behind you, eyes focused just on the two of you as you both recite your vows.

Looking around at the decorations you never would have picked, it's far too showy and glitzy for your taste but Yugyeom's mother had insisted, including what type of dress you should wear.

Not wanting to start a new life with atmosphere and anger, you opt with keeping your mouth shut and hoping for a quiet life.

She practically planned it all, even told you who your bridesmaids would be.

You sat there watching everyone around you move at a different speed, as if you were stuck in syrup and unable to catch up.

All you could do is watch, watch as your wedding and life was planned for you.

An alarm bell sounded in your head, screaming at you 'it's not right' but Yugyeom would come into view and give you a smile that would cloud all your fears and ease your worry.

Now the second alarm bell sounds as you stand here, on your wedding day, in a dress you hate, with Jackson's sweet smiling face staring back at you instead.

Somehow having replaced Yugyeom.

You look around frantically but no one else seems bothered by the silent exchange. Panic seizes your heart. This should not be what you're thinking of on this day. You blink furiously, shoving him out of your mind, willing him to disappear.

Yugyeom's face returns and you breathe a sigh of relief.

***

The ceremony is over. Husband and wife.

You greet everyone with their grins and cheers, finding yourself smiling with too much teeth, too much enthusiasm you don't feel inside.

Shouldn't you feel happier than this? You finally have a husband. You're finally somebody's wife. Why don't you have that instant feeling of completion? You should be jumping for joy right now. Instead you feel...normal, like you do on any other day. Maybe it just hasn't set in yet, maybe you just need a few days. So you wait. And wait. And wait.

That feeling doesn't come, not after your honeymoon in which you became restless, quickly realizing there is nothing else to do apart from lay on a beach and have sex.

Your busy mind grows louder, screaming at you, but you ignore it and swallow it down into the pit where it belongs.

Upon returning from your week in the sun, you settle quickly into a mundane routine together. Easy, calm and comforting. Some might say boring, some might even say mind numbingly dull.

But you continue on day to day…

"I want one." He says nodding towards the screen.

"What? A new tv?"

He laughs and points. "No, a baby."

You look up at the advert for nappies, a baby grinning with two little teeth protruding from his gum, big cheeks and a bald head.

Your heart stops, stutters then slams into your ribcage repeatedly. A baby. That's all you've wanted, a little version of yourself. A little bundle of joy to love unconditionally.

But is now the right time?

"Are you sure you don't want to wait a little while?"

"Wait for what? We're married, why waste time?" He clings to your hands enveloped in his.

He makes a good point. What are you waiting for?

You've already wasted enough time being with Jackson, hoping one day he'd be having this exact conversation with you.

Then spending your days after him wallowing in heartbreak and self pity.

You have the opportunity to live out your dreams with someone giving you the chance to, literally holding his hand out ready for you to take and walk the path with.

"Let's do it." You nod.

1 year later…

Your period is a week late.

You have been regular as clockwork since the day you started trying for a baby. Every month, the disappointment is undeniable when you see the crimson shade in your underwear. And every month you have to will yourself not to give up, to keep trying. Another month of ovulating tests, scheduled sex on precise days and times and legs in the air after, an attempt to help mother nature as much as you can.

Needless to say the excitement radiates off you in waves.

You rush home from work, pregnancy test in your bag, hardly able to contain yourself.

Yugyeom at the door, as excited as you, waiting and ready.

"Are you going to do it now?" He asks following your every footstep to the bathroom.

"Yes."

You shut the door and open the package, reading the instructions carefully. You'd drunk about a litre of water on the way home, your legs clenched together to stop you wetting yourself.

You sit down on the toilet and take a deep breath.

Once it's done you open the door for Yugyeom. Both of you sitting on the tiled floor staring up at the bright white stick resting on the sink. Gazing up at it like it holds all your answers, like suddenly life would make sense seeing those two red lines.

You've never realised how long two minutes is, you wring your hands nervously in your lap until he cups them in his, squeezing you reassuringly.

Your alarm goes off on your phone signalling the end of waiting and your heart pounds frantically in your chest.

He leans over and grabs the test.

"You ready?" He asks.

You take a breath and nod. Ready to see those two red lines. Ready to call your doctors and set up your appointments and scans. Ready to make a list of baby names and shop for all the necessities.

One line. Yugyeom shows you the test, with its mocking one line and your smile drops, so does your stomach. How? How could this be negative?

"Wait a minute, it says on here 'for the most accurate result use the first urine sample of the day as there will be a higher concentration of hCG.'" He looks over at you, a hesitant, optimistic smile plays across his mouth.

Yes. That's true. You cling onto that with every fibre of your being and agree to do the other test first thing in the morning.

***

As soon as your eyes open your mind is there, on that test in the bathroom. You climb enthusiastically out of bed, all traces of drowsiness vanish, as you tiptoe quietly to the bathroom.

If you do the test, then while you wait you can wake Yugyeom and you can both look at it together.

You quietly close the door and prepare the test, your fingers fumbling with excitement as you tear open the packet.

As you pull your underwear down, stick poised and ready, red catches your eye in your otherwise white bathroom. You look down, only to be greeted with your monthly agony, here to haunt you once more.

The test falls to the floor. It's useless now anyway. You're not pregnant, never was and likely never will be.

You let your head fall into your hands and let your misery wash over you. Tears stream down your face as dismay feels like it infects your soul with a never ending sadness.

A heavy cloud smothers you in a blanket of sorrow, choking the air from your lungs...you have no idea how long you stay in that bathroom before Yugyeom finds you. But you feel no better when he does and cradles you in his arms.

5 months later...

"When are you going to admit to yourself that it's not me you want?" His voice sounds into the silence and you resist the urge to roll your eyes.

The weekly fights he starts are almost timed like clockwork.

"What are you talking about?" You reply, continuing to type your ideas for your new art show.

"I've seen the way you look at Mark when you're working on your art pieces." He spits, slamming his drink down on the table.

This catches your attention. You close your laptop and swing your feet off the couch, heading over to the cupboard to pour yourself a Gin.

If you were going down this path, you needed a drink.

"Mark at the gallery?"

"Yes 'Mark at the gallery.'" He mocks you and you fight the urge to laugh.

"Dear, Mark is gay. I can assure you I look at him the same way I do all my other colleagues." You take a sip of your drink, eyes fixed on him.

He frowns for a moment then waves a hand in the air dismissing your statement. "I don't care about Mark."

"Then what do you care about Yugyeom, aside from starting fights with me?"

He stands abruptly from his seat, the wooden chair legs screeching across your wooden flooring making you wince.

"Do you ever ask yourself why I start these fights?" He shouts, a vein bulging in his neck.

"You start them because you like to get drunk on Friday's, and when you get drunk, you get mean." You say matter-of-factly, recalling all of the horrible things he's said to you lately, things you never thought could have come from his sweet mouth, things you won't forget.

His eyes pop in surprise as he's taken aback by your answer. "N-no," he sighs, returning to his chair, suddenly looking drunker than he seems. "I start fights because it feels like the only time I have your attention lately."

Guilt pangs inside you, pulling at your chest. You take a seat next to him and place your hand gently on top of his, the action feeling alien nowadays.

"I've had a hard time since we stopped trying for a baby." You admit.

"I never wanted to stop in the first place!" He yells, snatching his hand from yours. "That was your choice and you made it alone!"

"Because I can't keep putting myself through it! Can't you understand that?" You snap back, finally being open about your feelings, knowing it will only fall on deaf ears.

"I want children!"

"And you think I don't? I can't handle this pressure you put on me! You know my ovulation schedule more than I do."

"Because you never want to have sex anymore!"

"Because you've taken the fun out of it, it feels like a fucking chore! I'm not here for you to enter at your leisure to deposit your seed. What happened to spontaneity, romance, foreplay for god's sake? You're like a man possessed!" Your hands grip around the glass to stop them from trembling with anger. Finally being able to release the words that have been pent up inside you for the last five months.

Without a word he stands and walks to the front door, snatching his jacket up along the way. "I understand Jackson more now."

Hearing Yugyeom say his name, you freeze.

"Maybe he just knew you couldn't give him what he wanted." He says, looking over at you with watery, hate filled eyes before leaving, slamming the door behind him.

Your glass follows in an instant, smashing against the closed door, clear liquid and glass decorating the entrance to your apartment. Maybe you'll leave it there for him to step on when he comes home even drunker later.

An angry tear escapes as you sit here feeling trapped in your own home, wanting to be anywhere but here, anywhere but have to deal with your husband anymore tonight.

The word 'husband' feels foreign in your mind and on your tongue.

Nothing has felt right for the better part of eight months. You hardly talk to each other and when you do it's mostly fights and angry words spat or slurred in the other's direction. This is no way to live.

What you had given him of your damaged, used heart has slowly come back to you. With every alarm bell you hear ringing, every hurtful word sprayed in your direction, your heart has winced its way back to you. Putting up its own defense, from every barb that's thrown your way is turned into a wire fence, wrapping it in a sharp, pointed cage of protection.

***

Yugyeom doesn't show his face until the next afternoon, coming home looking rather sheepish.

"We need to talk." He says quietly.

The four words everyone dreads to hear.

You know what's coming, you've felt it for a while, it still doesn't ease the pain in your chest as you listen to his every word.

As you both apologise for your part in the break down of your short marriage, admitting maybe it was rushed from the start and accepting the fact that maybe you're not right for each other.

Two hours later and countless tears from the two of you, you both decide to call it a day. Even though you care deeply for each other, it's time to admit defeat. You have tried and given it your best shot.

"The worst part about this…" you say, wiping at your constant stream of tears. "I feel like i'm losing my best friend."

He pulls you into a tight, warm embrace, "hey, you are not losing me, I will always be here for you. We'll still see each other plenty at work events too. You can't get rid of me that easily."

You laugh, feeling thankful that you met him and thankful that you gave him a part of yourself, you had meant every word of your vows when you said them and you too would always be here for him. He'll always have a part of your heart to take with him, not that there's much left for yourself now.

2 months later….

A cup of morning coffee and reading the Sunday paper has become a routine you rather enjoy. You relax with your feet up on the dining table, crossed ankles.

You flick through anything that doesn't interest you, when a name catches your eye, drawing you to the headline.

"Jackson Wang scandal: Millionaire files for divorce from Scarlett Borgsson."

Your eyes pop. Scandal? What scandal?

You grab your phone and type his name into your search engine. You click on the first link and skim through.

"Model Scarlett Borgsson reportedly had an affair early on in the couple's relationship. An insider reveals she is now demanding a DNA test for their two year old little boy."

Your stomach drops as you click the next link.

"Jackson Wang revealed not to be Father of Scarlett Borgsson's son."

You read through story after story saying the same thing. How had you missed this?

You pick up your phone and dial the number to his office without even thinking.

You can't imagine how he feels right now, all you want to do is reach out and let him know he has someone he can talk to.

When the receptionist's voice sounds in your ear, you now doubt if he'd want that person to be you. You lose your nerve and hang up.

Your heart aches for him. Maybe it shouldn't but it does. No matter what he's done or how he's upset you, he does not deserve this.

You feel severe hate for that woman, thinking back to the last time you saw them both in the flesh.

The way she smiled arrogantly at everyone, as if they should all bend to her will with a flick of her hair or a swish of her hips.

Your stomach churns.

For the next few nights, your thoughts are consumed of Jackson as you toss and turn restlessly in bed. Maybe you'll gather the courage to speak to him…maybe not.

7 months later…

"You look good." Yugyeom says as you smooth down your pale blue dress.

"Thank you, so do you." You smile at him, looking at his impeccably tailored suit.

"It's nice to see you."

"Yes, it's been a while." You agree.

You do the usual catch up chit-chat until it dies down, he even introduces you to his date who seems like a very sweet and pleasant lady.

The newly wed couple enter the hall and cheers erupt all around, echoes bouncing off the wall. You cannot stop the grin that stretches across your face as you watch them take the centre of the floor for their first dance.

You'd known Jasmine since you were children, you'd always been inseparable. Your mothers were best friends growing up so naturally you spent a lot of time together.

Seeing her in the intricate, elegant wedding gown smiling up at her groom, elation in her eyes makes your heart smile. The joy you feel for her is stronger than most happiness you've felt for yourself.

Watching the sheer adoration in Jinyoung's eyes warms the deepest, darkest pit of your heart. They are so right for each other it's sickening.

You wonder briefly if you ever looked at Yugyeom like that and can collectively say 'no'. You two are the perfect example of two people almost forcing yourselves to be more than friends. You wouldn't change the time with him and you definitely learnt a lot from your marriage.

Jinyoung twirls her before bringing her back in close. You know him through Jackson, they had met at uni and become fast friends. As far as you were aware they remain that way.

But you haven't seen him here, not that you were hopeful he'd come.

The evening continues on, through dinner, speeches and finally opens up to the party.

The loud music pounds through you, realising you've had a little too much to drink you decide to step outside on the balcony and get some fresh air.

The gentle breeze skates across your skin leaving a delicate trail of goosebumps across your skin.

A jacket drapes your shoulders, an all too familiar scent intoxicating your senses, as your head snaps to the side to see him.

Jackson.

All this time you've thought about him and pictured him, your memory had not done him justice. He looks flawless, his hair swept back perfectly as usual, his smooth skin and unguarded eyes welcoming you. His soft lips stretch into a hesitant smile.

"I was hoping I'd see you."

Your heart flutters wildly in your chest making you feel light headed suddenly, although you don't show it. You take a breath and compose yourself.

"I wasn't sure if you'd come." You reply.

He takes his position next to you, shoulder brushing lightly against yours. How this man can still feel like home to you after all these years is mind boggling.

"I almost didn't. But Jinyoung told me you would be here as a bridesmaid and I couldn't stay away."

Your stomach flips dramatically at his words, large butterflies caged and desperate to escape.

"I'm sorry about your marriage." You say quickly.

He shrugs. "Thank you but I'm not."

You turn, raising a questioning eyebrow to him.

"She was not the person for me, let's put it that way."

"Why did you marry her then? 10 months after telling me that's not what you wanted." You jibe. You couldn't help it, anger threatening in the pit of your stomach at your same old reaction to him.

He sighs, hanging his head and rubbing his eyes. He looks tired, you hadn't noticed the dark circles under his eyes.

"I know, I know. That wasn't my plan. I meant what I said to you that day, every word." He looks behind you. "Can we sit?"

You follow his eyes to the ornate metal table and two chairs and nod.

Taking your seat with his jacket still draped around your shoulders stare out at the sunset, pinks and oranges streaming across the sky. When you look back at Jackson he's already watching you, his eyes soft but pained.

"I'm so sorry. For everything."

He means it, that much you can tell.

"It's in the past now."

"But I don't want it to be." He reaches across for your hands, holding them so tight his knuckles start going white. "There hasn't been a day that's gone by that I haven't thought about you, that I haven't obsessed about that moment I let you go. I'd give anything to change it you know, anything, but I can't. I truly wanted you to find happiness and I thought I was doing the right thing by you, giving you a chance without me holding you back."

You laugh, the sound almost bitter. "And yet, happiness still eludes me."

His eyebrows knit together in sorrow. "When I met my ex wife, it was a casual thing, nothing more. When she told me she was pregnant my world changed overnight. I didn't know what to do. All I could think about was you. It was supposed to be you having my babies one day, not this woman. I wanted to run to you then but how would you ever want me?"

He brings your hands up to his face and rubs his cheek along your fingers.

"My mother pressured me into marrying her, told me how it would look for someone in my position, said I'd lose everything. So I proposed, the words tasted like ash in my mouth but it was done. Then when I saw you at your art show, I almost came over and ended it all right then and there. But when I saw the tears in your eyes I couldn't bear the thought I'd done that to you. I felt so ashamed and I knew it was over."

You want to comfort him, to reach out and cup his cheek but you resist, letting him finish what he's so desperate to say.

"Then I heard you got married and I was happy for you, truly, I thought maybe I had done the right thing by you after all. Then all this shit came out about the affair and everything collapsed around me. All I wanted was to talk to you, like we used to, those late night talks where we would really open up. God, I craved that."

You squeeze his hand and he straightens a little, seeming a bit less dejected.

"When Jinyoung told me you'd gotten a divorce I was shocked and felt responsible somehow. He seems like a good guy by the way, he gave me one hell of a lecture about not hurting you as soon as I walked in."

You laugh and look through the double doors to see Yugyeom watching the two of you intently as he moves side to side on the dance floor with his date.

"He is a good man. Just not the right one for me."

The hope in Jackson's eyes could not be more obvious.

"I have to ask you something." He says leaning forward on the table, the action creaking the old iron underneath the weight on his elbows. "Could we start again? I know I don't deserve your forgiveness but I would like to try and earn it."

Mulling it over in your mind, you feel yourself nodding before your thoughts are even processed. But the resulting smile that lights up his face has you knowing your decision is not a mistake.

He leans in and strokes your face. "It's always been you."

Those words reiterating how you feel are like music to your soul. You feel at ease for the first time in a long time, your broken pieces mending and your heart more hopeful than it has been in a long time.

[moccahobi]

A Spark in the Commons [Yugyeom x Reader]

Pairing: Got7 Yugyeom x GN Reader

Genre: Fluff, Hybrid au, College au, 13+

Word Count: 5.2k

Warnings: Mentions of a panic attack

A/N: This was done for @got7writerscollective​‘s flightlog project! It’s my first official got7 fic! So please enjoy!

Summery: You help an anxious deer shifter in the shifter union commons and a friendship buds. 

The Shifter Union commons of Seoul University was empty aside from you and the occasional guard who would sweep through to make sure that nothing amiss was happening. Of course nothing ever was on evenings like these where the only person in the commons was an employee getting paid to make sure any shifter in need had someone. Some nights were more wild and full of shifters who were in various states of shifting, but you didn’t like to work those nights. You prefered staffing the less crowded times when there were next to no one in the commons and you could work on homework while getting paid. Even with the occasional person who would come in, the quieter nights were best in your personal opinion. 

This evening was one of those quiet nights. You’d been alone in the common space for almost an hour, the last shifter having left after the two of you had a conversation about a class they were taking. It was just as you finished writing your tenth page of your peace studies essay that you felt the strung and pungent smell of burnt toast and something more bitter made you look up to see an anxious deer shifter, his antlers parting his hair as he approached the open common’s room.

“Hello! Welcome to the Seoul University’s shifter union!” You said cautiously, your eyes meeting his large, blown out ones with worry as he finally entered the commons.

The man stopped stiffly, tightly gripping his bag and not breaking eye contact with you, his nose flaring as he sniffed the room. Breaking eye contact first, you gave him a once over, struck by how still he was. You were glad that you took blockers this morning, your predatory raccoon pheromones not filling the room this moment and making the poor shifter feel more anxious and he didn’t need that. Poor man was working himself up enough already.

“How can I help you?”

He didn’t move, a small squeak leaving him.

“Would you like a private room to shift in?” You pointed to a door to the right of you that led to some small rooms sterile for shifters who needed to engage with their animal form privately for a little, “The union has some rooms for people right over there.” 

He lowered his eyes which were looking more and more deer-like by the second and quickly walked over to the door that led to the private rooms, closing loudly behind him. A sigh left you as you tried to return to your paper. Many times shifters needed space when their stress and anxiety forced them to shift, but you knew that before the man left you’d need to talk to him. 

Part of your job at the shifter union required you to  record his use of the room, check in to make sure that he was ok, and that the emergency need of the space wasn’t due to any issues on campus. You worried about him trying to run off the second he calmed down enough to return to his human form, having dealt with many shifters who feared using the union for its help or felt like they had to return to class immediately after a forced shift. They never had to. The union worked out a deal with the school to make sure forced shifts were seen as excused absences if filed through the union. You loved this job and how it allowed you to help your fellow shifters. You’d be damned if you didn’t take your work seriously. 

In fact, part of the reason you got on pheromone blockers was to make prey shifters more comfortable around you (the other part simply due to you not enjoying the feeling of heat and regular blockers kept your heat at bay). At the thought of pheromones, you got up, opened one of the windows and lit a candle in an attempt to start breaking up the stress pheromones that hung in the air. 

What sounded like a constant clatter of hooves made it hard to focus on your paper. It wasn’t like you could look at what was happening, the rooms had windows high up to allow light in but not let people see what those who were decompressing were doing. Somehow, the noise of the anxious shifter became background clatter and you managed to carve out a good chunk of your essay before you started to hear more… human-like movements in the back space. 

Your mind drifted to how you could get his attention without scaring him when he finally exited. There was a chance that he was informed about the processes the commons tries to have when the rooms are used but there is also a chance that he is completely unaware of them. There were many shifters who didn’t know the protocol. Plus,  if you did need to get his attention, you didn’t want to startle him or make it look like he was in trouble for using the space for three hours. The decompression rooms were here for moments like this after all. You heard the telltale click of the door opening but before you had time to try to get his attention, he spoke. 

“I… thank you for letting me use the room for so long.” His voice was soft and smooth and, unlike last time, you were the one whose eyes widened and felt frozen in place. 

He was good looking and smelling when he wasn’t sending off stress pheramones every which way, and his voice… it was so soft.

You floundered for a second before coughing, “N-No problem. They’re here for all shifters. Which room did you end up using? I will want to tell the next person working the union commons to make sure it gets cleaned.” 

“I used the room number… 3,” He said while leaning back to verify. 

A silence hung in the air after he spoke, he was clearly waiting for you to speak but you were still frozen. He hesitated before slowly walking past you, his eyes trained on you as if waiting to see if you kept talking or if he was free to go.

“Before you go… may I ask…” 

You froze… you knew how you were supposed to go about getting the information. You needed to ask for his student ID, name, and why they needed the room… but something about this man was making words hard for you. Your mind was blanking and stuttering as it tried to function. 

“Yes?” 

“I-If you have time, we like to keep a record of who uses the rooms and why. Mostly just to keep track… but also if you were using it because of…” 

Come on, Y/n! You knew this stuff! Why were you struggling so much now?

You sighed, “If it was caused by a staff member or a fellow student, the union can take action to protect your rights as a shifter. There are also options to message professors or coaches to excuse possible absences if the room was used for a stress shift. Also… I, as a worker, um… I work here and part of my job is to be an ear for venting and… all that… I am not a mandatory reporter too so if that is a worry… uhh… don’t.” 

He nodded slowly, “Uhh… I have a class… now,” He mumbled and pointed back to the entrance of the commons, “was on my way to it when I got a little… overwhelmed…”

Did he not check his phone yet? Any evening class was going to be done at this time you thought, checking the clock on your computer just to verify.

“Sir, you were in the room for three hours.”

“What?!” His eyes widened and you noticed his pupils grow once again. 

Quickly, you jumped up and walked over to where he was standing, “Don’t worry about it! If you give me a list of your professors, I can email them! This can count as an excused absence! There’s no need to worry.”

His eyes seemed to gloss over as he stumbled back slightly, his breaths coming out shift and fast. Quickly, you moved to guide him back to one of the nearest chairs that was only a few steps away and plush, gently rubbing his arm as he took a sharp intake of air and collapsed onto the chair, his horns slowly growing again and pushing some hair back.You got up and locked the door to the union entrance before returning to help. While it was normally policy to keep the door open and unlocked all times a staff member was in, you could risk making sure no one interrupted this moment to make sure this student felt safe (especially since you were a fairly small school and there were only 1000 shifters… out of 5000 students in the school and it was dinner rush). 

By the time you did make it back to him, he was starting to hyperventilate, his eyes distant and his antlers growing by the second. At this point, his distress pheromones were making the air heavy and hard to breath in and you were thankful that the window was open. You simply sat next to him and waited. At this point, if you tried to touch him, he would likely feel even more panicked and you didn’t want to do anything that could possibly harm him. Panic attacks were hard enough without any extra stressors.

The panic attack came in waves and you sat with him through it until he was able to speak some, but instead of letting him even think about apologizing, you simply started to ask him about the room. How many grey items were there? Purple? Green? And so forth until his breathing was calmer and you stopped being showered in his stress pheromones. 

“My name’s Yugyeom, by the way.” He said after a minute of silence when he finally calmed down more.

“Nice to meet you Yugyeom, I’m Y/n.” 

As it turned out, Yugyeom was a transfer just a year below you and had just declared his major the day he came in. You could easily see how the stress of being a transfer, with a human roommate (who didn’t want him to shift), delaring, and the start of a seven week night course could compound. That night, the two of you talked until Yejin, one of your coworkers came for her shift and forced you out so that you could get some sleep. The two of you left in a fit of laughs and then walked around campus and talked even more until you barely had enough money to drive back to your apartment. Despite how the night started, it was probably the best night of your whole week and you were hoping to talk to Yugyeom whenever you saw him next to get his number and hopefully hang out… Although you were tempted to try to pursue a romantic relationship as well. 

The thing was, that after that night you didn’t see him for a whole week! You’d see his name on the record of people who used the shifting rooms, would sometimes have to clean up after him, and even saw him around campus some. Sadly, it seemed as if your schedules never matched up to see eachother again and despite all the near meet-ups, you didn’t have a chance to talk to him again. You wanted to as well… you were worried about the anxious transfer student and wanted to make sure that he was doing ok. 

Part of you wanted to seek him out. The campus was small and you were fairly positive that the two of you saw glimpses of each other (and just didn’t realize) so seeking him out wouldn’t be too hard to do. That part of you was overshadowed by a worry that he didn’t want to try to have a friendship with you or the little flirting you did near the end of the night was too much and now he never wanted to talk to you again. Of course it was a mostly irrational fear (hopefully), but it kept you from trying to find Yugyeom.

 . Just as you were starting to give up hope of seeing him again, you were proven wrong. It was another late shift at the shifter union and since you didn’t have any dier work that needed to be done, you simply sat one one of the couches and read.You were still present in case anyone wanted to be in the space, but you were trying to relax. It was somewhat hard though as you were also very aware of the security guard who was slowly meandering around the unions commons and making sure that everything was ok. As the guard spent more and more time slowly walking around the commons, you started paying less and less attention to your book, instead your senses honing in on the guard. It was likely due to your raccoon part that you felt so cautious around the guard but the longer he stuck in the union commons, the worse you felt about him. 

He was taking glances at you. Maybe he was just double checking to make sure all was alright but your mind started to wander. You hadn’t had issues with this guard but you knew that some of the security guards were iffy around the shifters they thought they could dominere. Part of you wished that you weren’t on pheromone blockers so you could show him that you were not a shifter to be messed with. That you could be intimidating and a force to be reckoned with. Technically raccoons were apex predators.

Before your mind started to wander further about how you could intimidate or protect yourself against the guard, the union door opened and the smell of Yugyeom filled your senses. Almost as soon as it hit your nostrils, you felt yourself relax. Part of you told yourself that it was simply due to having another person in the room and a male shifter at that (another part of you swooned when you caught a glimpse of Yugyeom in all his glory). 

The guard  huffed and, as Yugyeom started to settle into a seat somewhat near you, the guard left the room. As he left, you wondered what he was thinking and if he actually wanted to try something or if your anxiety was all in your head. You really hoped it was all in your head. 

Slowly, you relaxed in your seat, part of your brain still focusing on Yugyeom while you tried to continue reading. His smell comforted you.  You didn’t know why, but you didn’t feel the need to question it. Instead, you simply settled further into your chair and focused on your book again, taking deep breaths all the while.

As the night dragged on, you occasionally checked on Yugyeom to make sure that he was ok (and maybe see if he was looking at you. During all your “sneaky” glances, you were once again struck by how handsome he was. Even as his brows furrowed in confusion and got ink on his nose, he was so good looking. No one should look as good as he looked while doing school work.

At one point, you had to stifle a small laugh when you saw him reach for some drink he brought with him only to realize that it was empty. The shocked face he made when he realized made you want to swoon and get him another drink as well, but you didn’t want to speak and further break the delicate silence. Apparently Yugyeom must have heard your laugh because he looked up and met your eyes. Both of you simply stared at each other in awkward silence.

Fuck.

“Uh… what were you drinking?” You asked, cringing as each word was spoken.

A sinkhole would be wonderful at this point. You really didn’t want to answer and yet he was simply looking even more confused as the silence festered, his mouth opening and closing as he tried to think of what to say in response. 

Fuck.

Without even giving him time to answer, you excused yourself hastily, embarrassment filling you to the brim as you practically ran out of the commons. Now you had another issue to worry about as well… what would be your excuse for leaving?

You were such a dumbass for leaving. 

Fuck.

Yugyeom was surely going to answer if you hadn’t left, and now that you suddenly left he probably thought you were rude and most definitely wouldn’t want to be your friend. All your stuff was still in the commons as well and you still had another two hours that you were supposed to be working the commons before your shift was done. It wasn’t like you could just leave and not return for the night.

The only plus you could see was that you had your lanyard with you. At least you could get something at a vending machine or something. It wasn’t the most acceptable reason to walk out of the commons before he could answer but at least it was something. 

At that thought, you briskly walked to the closest vending machine, hoping no one who was still working late in the building wouldn’t look at you or try to talk to you. It was just down the hall so it wouldn’t take you too long to get something and return as long as no one talked to you. 

Before you punched in a number for one of the foods in the machine though, you found yourself realizing that you had no idea what he liked to eat. As if tonight couldn’t get any more embarrassing. It was like part of you was dying as you stared angrily at the vending machine for help (not like it was sentient and could suddenly shout “This is the food Yugyeom gets every time!”).

In the end, you settled for getting him one of your favorite snacks from the vending machine and praying that Yugyeom had some sense in food. As you slowly walked back to the commons, different scenarios played through your mind depending on how he reacted. It wasn’t until you almost entered that you wondered if he was even still in the commons. 

He was, thankfully. 

When you entered, you stopped at the door though, suddenly worried about going up to Yugyeom and giving him the snack… It wasn’t a big deal… but what if he was allergic to what you got? Or what if he…

“Are you just going to stand by the door?” His voice cut through your thoughts.

You coughed awkwardly, “No… Sorry for leaving so suddenly earlier… I… uh… I had to pee. Badly. To make it up though…” You shuffled to him and quickly set the snack in front of him, “Here’s a snack. I didn’t know what to get you so I got my favorite.”

He looked shocked, “Thank you! I love this snack! I was drinking a matcha latte by the way. The cafe downstairs makes a really good latte. I’m addicted.”

“They are so amazing.” You laughed and nodded, quickly sitting in your seat again as relief filled you, “I remember having like five a day until I ran out of swipes for it on my card and had to struggle without them for the rest of the semester… which had like two months left.”

Yugyeom snorted and you felt a jolt of excitement at hearing it, “Yeah. One of my friends is that way with their coldbrews. Loves their honey and vanilla one.” He scrunched up his nose cutely, “It doesn’t taste good to me though.”

“You know… if you want really good matcha stuff. There’s a cafe off campus near the town’s library that is all matcha themed. They have some other stuff but almost everything uses matcha in it and it’s amazing.” 

“That sounds amazing… I’d love to go sometime… maybe…” Yugyeom stopped and you noticed a deep blush grow on his face, “Maybe we could go together sometime.”

“I’d like that a lot.” 

You felt positively giddy as you waited for Yugyeom outside of the union commons the following day, your mind racing as you tried to look calm and collected. Of course, almost every shifter in the room could smell the anxiety wafting off of you as you waited but all of them had the decency to act like you weren’t anxious… well except for Yejin who was another shifter who worked at the union and was probably your closest friend that you also worked with. 

As soon as she saw you show up with nothing but a small backpack that only held a few things and smelled your anxiety, she knew right away that you weren’t in the commons to relax. When you told her that you were meeting with a… a friend, she got all excited (even more excited when you confessed that you were here earlier than needed). You weren’t normally someone who was overly worried about time, especially when it came to hanging out, but Yugyeom made you nervous and you wanted to impress. 

While Yejin started to complain about you not telling her sooner, you felt thankful that you hadn’t. She was amazing and you loved her, but you knew that if you told her that you were hanging with a guy you had a crush on, she would try to style you up. You didn’t think that this was the type of occasion for that. Besides, Yugyeom probably meant it as a friendship hang out and not a date hangout. Your gay ass never knew how to handle good looking people who wanted to be friends… especially when they were as sweet and good looking as Yugyeom. 

You so had a crush on the guy. 

Fuck.

“Haha. Looks like we both had the idea of arriving early.” Yugyeom’s laugh broke you from your train of thoughts. 

You looked up to see him enter the commons and make a b-line to you, and you were struck with how handsome he was. Not that he wasn’t normally. He always looked good, but he looked amazing in the large blue sweater and skinny jeans. What topped it off was that his hair was swept back in a graceful windblown manner, unlike the past few times where it rested in a simple bowl cut that still managed to make him look amazing.

Like you, there was also a smell of nervousness that radiated off of  him, but neither of you mentioned the nervous smells. If anything, his anxiousness made you feel more excited and comforted. Maybe Yugyeom thought of this as something more than two potential friends hanging out… just like you did. 

You tried to smile as naturally as possible (although, it probably looked slightly pained), “Yeah! I mean… I had a shift here just before this.”

“Oh.” Yugyeom’s smile faltered slightly and you immediately knew you messed up.

“Not like I wouldn’t have arrived early if I didn’t have a shift,” You laughed awkwardly, the two of you now walking to your car to go to the matcha shop, “Honestly, I am so bad with time, if it wasn’t’ for my shift, I would have probably been here two hours early instead of just thirty minutes early.” 

“I thought you just got off of a shift?” Yugyeom smirked and you blushed.

“I… Yeah. I mean… I got off two hours ago, went to get ready, and then I returned… not…” 

Yugyeom laughed loudly and shook his head, effectively cutting you off. Before either of you had time to respond, you made it to your car and in a somewhat awkward silence, the two of you got in and drove to the matcha place. The actual time in the cafe was… amazing. 

Laughter and amicable conversation filled the whole evening as the two of you tried multiple foods and drinks together. Before you knew it, the sun set and you had to drop Yugyeom off at campus before returning to your apartment for the night, a pile of reading waiting for you to work on the next day. All throughout the next day, you felt as if you were floating on cloud nine, a dazed smile stuck on your face when you thought back on the time at the cafe. 

It was only after not seeing Yugyeom around for a few days that you started to feel anxiety pool and bubble in you once again. 

Did you do something wrong?

You’d given him your number… he knew where he could find you… why hadn’t you two talked since?

Suddenly, you started to feel jumpy and worried, reliving the moments at the cafe over and over again so see if there was something you possibly did wrong to make Yugyeom not want to associate with you again. Maybe it was because the two if you barely talked about shifters… You weren’t a common shifter and people often had trouble guessing normally but you are now on pheromone blockers as well and that adds a whole extra layer of befuddlement, but what type of shifter you were shouldn’t matter… unless was Yugyeom one of those shifters that didn’t like associating with predators? 

No. Surely he couldn’t be that way. 

Prey shifters didn’t often use pheromone blockers in the first place… he had to have known that you were some sort of predator… so that couldn’t be it… right? 

Surly… 

You sighed and shook your head to try to release some of the anxiety you were holding. It wasn’t good for you to hold it all in like this. There was barely any time for you to shift and relax lately and at this point. It would probably give you less stress to just find Yugyeom yourself and ask instead of dwelling on why the man hasn’t messaged you yet. You didn’t need people stress along with the regular school and shifter stress. But damn, you couldn’t stop dwelling on how stupid you were for not asking for his number in return. 

Tiredly, you picked at the dinner in front of you, your body feeling the stress building. This wasn’t how you wanted to spend your Friday. You planned to go out later in your racoon form and run around for hours on end, but now that you were thinking more about it, maybe it would be good for you to spend more time in your shifter form this weekend. You didn’t want to return home yet. The apartment was empty and while normally you enjoyed the alone time, you felt the need to be around people today. 

Maybe you could put your stuff in the shifter commons and wander around campus… although many humans didn’t enjoy seeing raccoons around so maybe it would be better if you stayed in the shifter commons so that no one got too startled by you. Most people wouldn’t bat an eye at an animal in the commons. 

After picking at some more of your food, you put your dishes in a bin for the cafeteria staff and walked off, each step making you more excited for spending some time in your animal form. Inside the shifter commons there were probably a handful of people, some half-shifted and some chilling around in their animal forms.

“Hey Yejin!” You said with a smile as you made your way to Yejin (who was staffing the common today).

“Omg! Y/n! It’s so good to see you here today! I was meaning to ask, do you think you could take my shift Monday? Jisoo asked me out and Monday works best for them.” Yejin was smiling broadly as she spoke.

“Sure. Can you watch over my stuff? I want to shift and while I can still watch over it myself, with you here, I can wander more.”

“It’s a deal!” You responded eagerly, already putting your bag under her desk, your ears excitedly popping out. 

Fairly painlessly, you shifted, your clothes falling around you as you grew smaller and smaller. As soon as you fully shifted, you felt relief flood you. In the back of your mind, there was still stress to worry about, but right now, you felt relaxed and relieved. You weazled out of your heap of clothes excitedly and watched as Yejin nudged them under the table with the rest of your stuff before running off to explore the commons. In your human form, the commons were a usual gathering place but as a raccoon, it was a jungle of excitement. Soon enough, you found yourself following your nose which had locked onto some tasty smelling food somewhere in the room. You weren’t likely going to get to eat the food but you’d be damned if you weren’t going to try. The smell led to someone you didn’t expect to see in the commons.

Yugyeom. 

He hadn’t noticed you yet though and you had half the mind to turn around and explore elsewhere when someone he was next to pointed at you and started excitedly shouting.

“A trash panda! Omg! I’ve never seen a raccoon shifter before! Omg! This is so cool!” The man kept gushing as he stood up and looked at you closely, his eyes wide.

You got a strong dog wiff coming off of him and his intensity made you freeze. The man must have gotten the hint because the next second he was whimpering and closing his eyes slowly. Part of you wanted to laugh because most shifters still understood what people were saying but another part of you was comforted at how he tried to communicate with you. Slowly you closed your eyes as well before making grabby motions with your hands. You wanted to sniff him more.

He extended one of his hands, clearly understanding what you were saying, and you sniffed him slowly. 

“Yugyeom! Come introduce yourself! It’s rude to just stare!” The man said, ushering Yugyeom to join the both of you in the ground.

Yugyeom slowly blinked at you and extended his hand which you happily sniffed, enjoying the comfort that washed over you with his smell. At this point, you were fairly positive that he knew who you were but he didn’t say anything.

“Oh! Would you be willing to at some point tonight, we will be here all night,” The man shot Yugyeom a look at that addition, “Come talk to us in your human form? I’d love to be friends with you!”

“Their name is Y/n, Jackson. We’re… we’re friends.” You relished as blush spread across his face as he spoke and nodded.

“Omg! This is the person that you were telling me--” 

“Nope! Don’t continue!”

“That you want to ask on a date?” 

Your world stopped and you felt your eyes widen in shock and excitement. 

He wanted to ask you out. 

You started to jump around and made excited squeaking noises, before you could stop yourself you jumped onto Yugyeom, excitedly scenting his arm.

Jackson started laughing happily, “I guess that means they want to go on a date with you too dude!

[got7writerscollective]

Flight Log: Arrival (Masterlist)

Years Gone By - @birbdae​ (OT7)

이젠 내가 할게 (Thank You, Sorry) - @dontbekoifish​ (Yugyeom)

new beginnings - @gotparadise​ (OT7)

Coming Home (1/8) - @limjaeseven​ (Jaebeom X Jinyoung)

Tomorrow, Today (2/8) - @limjaeseven​ (Jaebeom X Jinyoung)

VOID - @pars-ley​ (Jackson X Reader)

A Spark in the Commons - @moccahobi​ (Yugyeom X Reader)

Just Dance - @flurrys-creativity​ (Yugyeom X Reader)

A huge thank you to all the writers and readers in G7WC for participating in Flight Log: The Journey.

[daemour]

Pairing: mentions of JackGyeom and BamJae

Genre: Kinda sad but mostly just like fluff ig????

Word Count: 1094

Summary: A look into the journey of GOT7

Warnings: Only slight mention of bullying???

Written for @got7writerscollective​‘s Flight Log project

Kim Yugyeom was thirteen when he first auditioned for JYP Entertainment. He was fifteen and practicing hard for WIN: Who Is Next when Lim Jaebeom, his superior, tells him he’s working hard and his dance will astound JYP, and when Jinyoung assists him.

He was nineteen and Jackson kept bringing him lunch and dinner, staying and feeding Yugyeom, and BamBam yelled at the stage crew in the halls for berating Yugyeom.

He was twenty, and Youngjae taught him piano, Mark let him tag along to his home when Euigyeom is on a business trip when Yugyeom was lonely.

오늘도 내일도 우리 함께면

Kunpimook Bhuwakul was fourteen when he first met Kim Yugyeom in the practice room, he was fifteen when Yugyeom got sick and didn’t spit fire back at BamBam until the older forced him to take medicine.

BamBam was sixteen and Jaebeom let him borrow his phone to call him when he lost his, and Mark was hogging the computer to surprise him later with brand new green VANS. He broke his wrist when dancing and Jackson was writing a letter for him in broken Thai.

BamBam was nineteen and sick, Jinyoung was cleaning his room. He was nineteen and trying to pick up girls when Youngjae refused to help him and they kissed instead of the girl across the radio room.

오늘도 내일도 우리 함께면

Choi Youngjae was seventeen when he joined JYP Entertainment and was subsequently almost immediately cast into GOT7, eighteen when he debuted and had his first concert, crying backstage with his band members.

Hewa nineteen and Mark is apologising profusely after arguing about something neither can remember. Jinyoung gifted him headphones, and Youngjae wore them almost everywhere. Yugyeom went with him to get his ears pierced, and Youngjae grasped his hand so tightly during the process.

He was twenty-two, and Jaebeom was joking with him as they wrote 1:31 A.M, Jackson was helping him move out of the dorm with tears in the older’s eyes, teasing him about the Shabu-Shabu incident again. BamBam went with him to get a tattoo and Youngjae smiled and saw the younger in a new light.

오늘도 내일도 우리 함께면

Park Jinyoung was fourteen when he first met Jaebeom and joined JYP. He was sixteen and leader of JJ Project, Jaebeom beaming at him. He’s eighteen when he was placed into the GOT6 Project, twenty and debuting with GOT7 for the second time.

He was twenty-one, and Mark laughed at him trying to write in English, taking the pen out of his hand and helping him spell “introspect” correctly. He was twenty-one, and Youngjae was taking him to noraebang and buying him snacks.

Jinyoung was twenty-four, and BamBam looked at him with doe eyes, asking him to make a song with him. He was twenty-four and Jackson finally bought him some beef, and Jinyong was satisfied.

Jinyoung was thirty, and he has a child now. Not his, he adopted them, but he loves them nonetheless. Yugyeom came over often, spoiling the child rotten, but Jinyoung watched with a smile.

오늘도 내일도 우리 함께면

Jackson Wang was fifteen when Jaebeom cooked him some japchae, and Jackson burnt his tongue. Sixteen when Jinyoung went to the restaurant at 4 am, two hours before training, just to buy homesick Jackson Chinese food.

Jackson was eighteen and Mark spoke to him in Mandarin for the first time, offering Jackson a sense of home. He was eighteen, working every hour of the day, and BamBam gave him a smile and a multitude of bad jokes. Jackson smiled.

Jackson was twenty-three, moving out of the dorm. Youngjae brought over almost ten different plants, and Jackson named every single one of them. Yuyeom stayed with him for the first week, and Jackson smiled at Yugyeom, heart blooming with affection, and Yugyeom loved him right back.

오늘도 내일도 우리 함께면

Lim Jaebeom was fourteen and joined JYP Entertainment, Jackson naming every single one of his cats the second time they met.

He was eighteen when JJ Project fell through and Jinyoung cried on his shoulder. He was nineteen and made leader of GOT7, Mark arguing with him one last time just for old time’s sake (He still thinks Mark drank his strawberry milk on purpose).

Jaebeom was twenty and buying Youngjae pudding for his panic attack a day before the debut showcase. He was twenty when BamBam shoots up and Jaebeom buys him jeans.

Jaebeom was twenty-five, debuting for the third time as Jus2. Yugyeom was named leader and Jaebeom ruffled his hair.

오늘도 내일도 우리 함께면

Mark Tuan was sixteen and moving to Korea, not knowing a word of Korean, Jackson giving him familiarity and Jinyoung providing help. He was seventeen and arguing with Jaebeom before he cried. Seventeen and Jaebeom covered for him when Mark was too sick to stand up properly

Mark was twenty and flipping around the room for WIN: Who Is Next. He was twenty and debuted with GOT7. He was twenty and too young to be worried about what people think of him, Youngjae buying him two bags full of snacks. (Never mind his diet.)

Mark was twenty-two, and Yugyeom joined him in LA, spending time with his family and laughing at Mark’s nieces. He was twenty-two, and BamBam asked him to help him with his handwriting.

오늘도 내일도 우리 함께면

Mark is forty, and smiles just as bright as when he was sixteen. He still laughs at everything that comes out of anyone’s mouth.

Jaebeom is forty, almost a grandpa according to everyone else. He gets called ��Jaebeom-ah’ and he’s not too old to go chasing after those brats.

Jackson is thirty-nine, and his affection hasn’t wavered. He flits between all the members, brightening up their smiles and laughing at the maknae’s antics, maybe even joining them.

Jinyoung is thirty-nine, and he brought his child, hiding behind their appa’s back. He convinces them to say ‘hi,’ and they all fall in love, and Jinyoung adores the feeling.

Youngjae is thirty-six, happy and content with his band members. He eats almost everything and Jackson whines when Youngjae steals his sandwich, but they all know he’s not really mad.

BamBam is thirty-six, almost as tall as Yugyeom and still wearing insoles, everyone making fun of him and BamBam chasing after them as always. He’ll always be the short kid from 2014 to them.

Yugyeom is thirty-six, babied as always by the other members, not that he complains. They ruffle his hair and pinch his cheeks, and he slaps their backside as he always does.

[dontbekoifish]

이젠 내가 할게 (Thank You, Sorry)

Pairing: None

Genre: Angst and Fluff

Warnings: Mentions of bullying

Word count: 1381

Summary: Yugyeom grows up

This was written for the Flight Log: The Journey project by @got7writerscollective!

When Yugyeom is thirteen, he joined JYP Entertainment. It seemed young, but he is excited. He is finally going to be living away from his parents! Maybe he can even stay up late and his parents won’t scold him.

His mom still hugs him and cries, but Yugyeom deals with it. She is his mom, after all. Plus…he is going to miss them. Her sundubu-jjigae is the best, after all. It’s okay, though, he’ll call her and visit her as soon as he can, he promises.

—

Training is hard. Yugyeom never got used to it, even a year and a half into a trainee life. Yugyeom finishes dance and is whisked off to vocal training. Then, right after that, he moves to rap, and then English. Then, he eats and has regular school classes. After that, rinse and repeat. It’s tedious, but with every praise and compliment he gets, Yugyeom feels more motivated.

He meets Jinyoung-ssi, and this seonbae-nim is just so cool. Jinyoung-ssi is debuting soon with another seonbae-nim, Jaebeom-ssi.  He can’t wait until he gets to debut. Though…those two are in the same year. When he debuts, if he’s in a duo like them, he’d probably get paired with BamBam.

Yugyeom doesn’t like BamBam. Not with his cuddly cheeks, bright smile, and big laugh. Okay, maybe that doesn’t quite explain why. But Yugyeom doesn’t know himself. BamBam is too cute, and Yugyeom doesn’t like it. Yugyeom’s supposed to be the cute youngest, not BamBam.

—

Yugyeom’s hiding again. The ‘Terminator’-hyung is scary. He’s mean. He doesn’t hurt Yugyeom, no, but he keeps pointing out Yugyeom’s flaws and calls him annoying. Yugyeom knows hyung is just trying to help, but the way he says it is mean. And he likes to make fun of Yugyeom.

Sometimes, Yugyeom wishes he were like Jaebeom-ssi. He’s cool! Older, and he debuted. Yugyeom still prays every night for his debut; he can’t wait to get to. Jinyoung-hyung and Jaebeom-ssi don’t live in the trainee dorm anymore, and to be honest, Yugyeom misses them.

But he met another new trainee, Mark-hyung. Mark-hyung’s nice. He likes BamBam though, and Yugyeom can’t blame him. BamBam’s cute, but he can speak English and Mark likes to talk in English. Maybe Mark-hyung will get the ‘Terminator’-hyung to stop being so mean.

Mark-hyung didn’t, but Jaebeom-ssi found him in the closet and scolded him. Yugyeom felt bad; he didn’t mean to scare Jaebeom-ssi. He didn’t explain himself when Jaebeom-ssi asked, though. He doesn’t want to be seen as weak.

—

Jaebeom-ssi…no, hyung. Yugyeom’s surprised the older said he can be called “hyung.” But Jaebeom-hyung found out about the ‘Terminator’-hyung, and Yugyeom is left alone. He asked his mentor if he could visit his JJ Project hyungs’ dorms, but the mentor said no. So Yugyeom thanks Jaebeom in the hall, awkward and fumbling.

Yugyeom shot up in height, even taller than Jackson-hyung, the newest trainee who’s loud and nice. Jackson likes to say Yugyeom is his tree, and Yugyeom likes the nickname. If he ever debuts, which Jinyoung says he’s sure he will, he wants to be in a group with Jackson-hyung. Oh, and Mark-hyung. And BamBam.

BamBam and he argue a lot, but lately, Yugyeom has been finding it fun. The other day, he and BamBam went to get ice cream. It wasn’t that bad, talking to him. But their mentor caught them. Thankfully, she wasn’t too mad. She even paid! Wait ‘til he tells Jinyoung-hyung!

Why are Jinyoung-hyung and Jaebeom-hyung back at the trainee dorms? When he opens his mouth to ask, Mark takes him aside and tells him that JJ Project has been put on indefinite hold. Yugyeom doesn’t know what that means; Mark spoke in English. But he figures it’s something bad, judging from how everyone tiptoes around the two.

Yugyeom can hear Jinyoung crying in his room. He sneaks in, curling around the hyung he’s taller than. Jinyoung is still sad, but he hugs Yugyeom back too. Yugyeom likes comforting his hyungs. Maybe they can all debut together, he whispers to Jinyoung. Jinyoung laughs, but tells Yugyeom he hopes so too.

—

Yugyeom fell when practicing for WIN: Who Is Next, and he felt horrible. The injury would heal in time for the show, but he couldn’t practice. Jackson-hyung patted his head and told him not to worry about it, but Yugyeom wasn’t worried. He was more anxious. He never did well with sitting still. But this gives him more time to practice rapping and singing. His teacher said he’s making improvement. But Yugyeom doesn’t think he’ll debut.

They’re going to debut. Yugyeom cried. Not in front of the others; he doesn’t want to be seen as a baby. But he’s happy. GET6. The name doesn’t sound right on his tongue, but he’s too excited to care. Mark, Jaebeom, Jackson, Jinyoung-hyungs, and BamBam moved into a new dorm with him. It’s new, and Jaebeom tries to sneak his cats in. But Yugyeom sneezes a lot, so Jaebeom had to let them go. Yugyeom still feels bad.

They’re so busy practicing for debut though, and Yugyeom doesn’t have time to feel bad. He doesn’t really like the songs they’re debuting with, but Park Jinyoung-nim, not his hyung, says the songs will be a hit. Yugyeom hopes so. Jaebeom-hyung has been selected as leader, and Yugyeom just wants him to be happy.

Yugyeom is main dancer and a lead vocal. He’s happy with his position. But someone new comes. Youngjae-ssi. He’s a year older than he is, and he’s loud. Not bad, of course; Yugyeom thinks Jackson-hyung is still louder. But Youngjae joins their group. It’s GET7 now. The name sounds a bit better, so Yugyeom doesn’t hold any animosity toward Youngjae-ssi.

They changed the name, right before debut. Yugyeom knows all his members agreed to the change, and he likes the name too. GOT7. It rolls off the tongue. Youngjae is the main vocal, with Jaebeom. Yugyeom is proud of them. He’s happy he gets to keep his Main Dancer position. Youngjae-ssi tries, but he’s a little clumsy. Yugyeom takes him aside and helps him. Youngjae-ssi is now Youngjae-hyung.

With all six of his hyung, they have their first comeback. Yugyeom still doesn’t quite like the debut song, but he’s excited. He looks so cool, and he thanks his stylist-noona a lot. He prayed last night; he hopes it’ll go well today. He wants to stay with GOT7 forever.

—

It’s Yugyeom’s birthday, he’s twenty-three now. His hyungs call him and wish him a happy birthday. They all send him chapstick as a joke, and Yugyeom rolls his eyes but keeps them all. They all gave him actual gifts anyway. BamBam gave him a pair of earrings, saying they’ll bring out his eyes. Yugyeom doubts it; his hair covers up his eyes, but he thanks BamBam anyway.

Jinyoung-hyung gave him a book. It’s the same book Jinyoung-hyung used to curse at Jackson-hyung and BamBam, and Yugyeom laughs. He sends Jinyoung-hyung a gif of a dancing cat. Yugyeom gets blocked, but he knows it will be reversed by the end of the day.

Jackson-hyung comes to visit and brings Chinese food. Yugyeom appreciates the company. Euigyeom-hyung tried to get off work, but he couldn’t, so Yugyeom was a little lonely. Jackson-hyung also tries making sundubu-jjigae, but he burns it. Yugyeom still eats it, though.

Jaebeom-hyung ordered a delivery of pudding and drinks, and its delivered just in time for dessert. Yugyeom even gets a chocolate shake, and he sends Jaebeom-hyung a thank you text. The older responds with a picture of Nora. Yugyeom saves it. At this point, he needs to make a folder for all the cat pictures Jaebeom-hyung sends him.

Youngjae-hyung gives him three dog toys for Dalkyum. Yugyeom isn’t surprised; Youngjae treats Dalkyum with almost the same respect as he gives Coco. Dalkyum seems to enjoy them, though, and Yugyeom cuddles with Dalkyum. The dog licks Yugyeom.

Mark-hyung calls him right after midnight. Since Mark-hyung just got back from LA, he’s still on LA time so Yugyeom doesn’t make fun of him for being late. Mark-hyung wishes him a happy birthday, and the doorbell rings. Mark-hyung’s here. Yugyeom smiles in spite of himself and launches himself toward Mark. It is a good birthday.

[limjaeseven]

Coming Home (1/8)

Verse 2: Part 1 of 8 

Pairing: Jinyoung X Jaebeom

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Word Count: 1,545

Summary: Jinyoung doesn’t remember his past, but what happens when he does?

Warning(s): Character death

[a/n]: Written for @got7writerscollective​‘s Flight Log: The Journey Project. This fic is the first part of an 8 part series based on Verse 2 by JJ Project. 

The loud pitter-patter of raindrops against the slanted window of the attic Jinyoung lived in was music to the man’s ears. Though they matched the tears running down his pale cheeks, he loved the rain more, the act of nature being both overwhelming and soothing to his soul.

Jinyoung couldn’t remember how long he had stayed in the little room on top of an old lady’s house in the middle of nowhere. He couldn’t remember how or when he got there, he couldn’t remember a time before he’d lived in the attic, just ghosts of past memories plagued his dreams at night.

The rain though, the rain always reminded him of a past that he supposedly had before his current life, a past where he wasn’t alone, where he didn’t survive off of the meagre pay he got working four boring jobs, where he didn’t need to beg the old lady to let him stay for a month without paying the rent because he didn’t have enough money to buy food for himself.

There was only a single, old tubelight in the room that flickered every now and then, the small window being his only other source of light in the room. It was early in the evening, it had rained enough that the water would pool around his ankles if he were to step out. He sat on the windowsill, his fingers pressed firmly against the glass, as if he could feel the raindrops on his fingertips.

The flickering stopped when the light finally gave out, Jinyoung knew well he didn’t have enough money to replace it and he’d tried everything he could to fix it for months to no avail. Sighing, he turned back to the window, the thunder kick starting his dying heart instead of scaring him.

Jinyoung’s clothes were full of holes, frayed edges and snagged threads. He didn’t own a coat to wear in the winters, he just shivered in the cold and bought medicines to keep himself alive. His raincoat was a piece of tarpaulin he had stapled into the shape of a poncho to make sure he didn’t drench his work uniform. He didn’t grab it when he slipped on his worn out shoes and stepped out of the room.

The house had a back entrance, that’s what Jinyoung usually used, trying his best to keep away from the lady in the house. Her eyes always unsettled Jinyoung, she talked of a life he had never lived but she somehow knew about. She would talk about a boy, one that Jinyoung apparently knew well enough to call ‘hyung’, of spending nights with him, pondering over their future in cold nights in his childhood.

He let one foot hover in the air in front of him so that the rain hit his exposed toes from the holes in his shoes, relishing the cold shivers that ran up his spine. Leaning his body weight forward, he planted the leg firmly in the ground, pushing himself off the patio right under the harsh downpour.

It didn’t take long for the water to soak into his clothes and chill him down to the bone, the cold freezing his heart in the best way Jinyoung could imagine. His wet hair hung in front of his face, covering his eyes but he didn’t bother pushing them away.

His feet carried him to the front of the house, as if they had a will of their own, and made him walk down the long, narrow path that connected the house to the main road. Jinyoung didn’t know where he was going, why he was walking down this path at that time on that day. He had done it a million times before, as he went to and came back from work, but this time it felt different.

His feet dragged along the small stones that covered the soil underneath his feet, pushing them around. The sound just added to the sensations that racked up and down Jinyoung’s lean, almost malnourished body. He almost reached the turn to the road when his toes hit something hard in the ground.

Bending down to squat near the object, Jinyoung dug around the item to pull it out of the ground. What he found was a small tin, rusted with the ravages of time. The reddish brown colour of the iron oxide didn’t help him identify the origins of the box, but he forced it open anyways.

Inside was a watch, its gold plating chipping away around the left side of the metal strap. It wasn’t running, stuck at 1:31:23, but it looked like it was well worn in its time, the locking mechanism loose from the likely wear of the accessory. Jinyoung didn’t know who it belonged to, but it reminded him of his own watch, one that never worked properly, counting the same second over and over again.

 Jinyoung didn’t remember getting his own watch, the old lady said she gave it to him and his ‘hyung’ when they were still young, but he had no memory of it. He had no memories of his parents, his childhood, his friends, his school, just broken pictures in his mind from a place full of greenery, dark forests and endless roads. He wasn’t alone though, whenever he dreamed about the place, there was always someone next to him, behind him, in front of him, but whenever he turned to see their face, he woke up.

He thought that the man was the ‘hyung’ the old lady talks about, he had the same broad shoulders, black hair, slim waist and long legs she described. He didn’t know his name, but it felt like it was stuck right in his throat, his body refusing to voice it out. That didn’t make sense though, Jinyoung had never seen a place like that in his life, at least he had no actual memories of it, just those pictures in his mind, just those phantom voices.

The voices hurt the most, they spoke of times Jinyoung didn’t know about, of things Jinyoung never did, of people Jinyoung never saw. He thought it was just his mind playing with him, because the old lady would talk about the same memories he didn’t have, but it would always be after he’d heard the voice, after he’d had the dreams.

Suddenly though the rain stopped, instead he heard the pitter-patter against a sheet of plastic. He stood up and felt a warmth behind himself, his nose filled with the scent of almonds and chocolate. ‘Jaebeom’ he whispered. He had never heard the name before but he somehow knew it. He didn’t bother turning back, he knew that the man would disappear the moment he tried.

He instead took in the warmth, and suddenly his clothes weren’t soaked anymore, the watch was no longer in his hands, but wrapped firmly around the wrist that held onto his hips, a chin coming to sit on his shoulder. ‘Jinyoungie’ the voice whispered in his ear, and the world around him turned black.

When Jinyoung opened his eyes, the umbrella was gone, the man was now sitting with his back against Jinyoung’s back, in the middle of a road that came from nowhere and led nowhere. He had a phone in his hand, headphones coming from it that sat in his ears, narrating a book he’d never read. Jinyoung blinked and the world went black again.

This time he was in front of a huge signboard, one that pointed in two different directions at the centre point of a T Junction. His fingers were laced with Jaebeom’s, their backs still pressed each other’s though this time he was standing. His eyes closed again and the world went black again.

He saw things he hadn’t seen before every time he opened his eyes, they all somehow felt familiar though, as if he’d experienced them in another life. He was in a clearing in a field when he stood next to the man and looked up to gaze at the skies but suddenly rain was hitting his face. He was back in the field, there was no umbrella over his head, there was no warmth behind him, just the cold water hitting his already soaked skin.

Jinyoung didn’t know when the tears started falling, he just remembered falling down to his knees, the watch tightly held in his hands as the memories came flooding back to him, the picture of Jaebeom’s smiling face looking at him as they stargazed that night in the middle of nowhere in Hokkaido, Japan.

He remembered the faces of his parents, his sisters, his friends, but most importantly, Jaebeom’s. He remembered the last time he saw the man and lost all his strength, his breath thinning as the hypothermia kicked in. His heart tried to keep moving on, but the voice of a Japanese reporter was all he heard as his brain shut down and he fell flat on the gravel.

BREAKING NEWS

Actor Park Jinyoung of Icarus and When My Love Blooms fame, age 30, found dead in front of his childhood friend’s house. The man died of hypothermia while being out in the rain for over four hours in the middle of the lowest temperature rain recorded in history. 

[limjaeseven]

Tomorrow, Today (2/8)

Verse 2: Part 2 of 8

Pairing: Jinyoung X Jaebeom

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 3,534

Summary: Jinyoung and Jaebeom set off on a journey of a lifetime, promising to never let go, but things rarely end up the way you want them to be

Warning(s): Character death

[a/n]: Written as part of @got7writerscollective​‘s Flight Log: The Journey project.

Jaebeom stuffed random clothes into his well-worn leather duffel bag that his father had gifted him for his fifteenth birthday as his mother watched him, her body resting against the door frame of her son’s room. He plucked a few books off his shelf, his diary and some pens from his desk, a few of his favourite hats and some accessories scattered across his room.

“Do you have to do this, Jaebeom?” The man just sighed heavily, turning to his mother and wrapping her in a warm hug.

“It’s time mom, I promised Jinyoung I’d do this for him. If I don’t do it now it’ll never happen,” Jaebeom said, using the cuff of his sleeve to wipe away the stray tear on his mother’s cheek.

Jinyoung stepped out of his building to see Jaebeom in the driver’s seat of his father’s old sedan, his feet up on the dashboard, head resting on his palms behind his head. It was still early in the morning, the sun hadn’t risen properly and there was still a chill in the air. Holding onto the strap of his bag tightly, Jinyoung took a deep breath before knocking on the passenger side glass of the car, grabbing the elder’s attention.

He quickly sat up straight up, pushing the door open for Jinyoung to get in. The younger’s bag was small enough to throw into the back seat through the gap between the two front seats so he dumped it there next to Jaebeom’s leather duffle bag before turning to Jaebeom and nodding.

The drive to the airport was quiet, the radio turned to low as Jinyoung looked out of the window at the Seoul skyline. The ride was short, and before they knew it they were at the airport. Jinyoung didn’t bother asking what Jaebeom would do about the car, he knew that the elder would have planned out everything with at most care.

That was one thing that always surprised Jinyoung, because, for as laid back and carefree Jaebeom looked, he was a perfectionist, needing absolutely everything to be just as he wanted it to be. He had planned his entire life by age sixteen, despite how things would change in the future. Even when things didn’t go his way he considered it a sign and amended his plan to still satisfy his vision.

They didn’t talk much as they got through security, heading to the food court to get some food before heading to the boarding gate to wait for their turn. The airport was crowded, the only two empty seats were with their backs together. Sighing, they sat on either side, the backs of their heads resting against each other’s.

Jaebeom pulled out a book from his bag while Jinyoung put on his earphones to listen to an audio book. When people said they were opposites but somehow the same, they meant it. The two were perfect reflections of each other, exactly the same but different enough to see a difference. It wasn’t long before the announcement was made for their flight, quickly packing up their things before walking to the boarding gate.

Jaebeom got the window seat but after one pout from Jinyoung he ended up between the younger and a middle aged man, not like he really minded it. Like every time they flew together, Jinyoung chose a movie on his screen and gave Jaebeom one of the earbuds, the elder leaning his head against the younger’s shoulder as they settled in for their three hour flight.

Arriving at Asahikawa airport, they headed to the car hire booth. Jaebeom had called them in advance, booking a pick up truck for their trip. After picking up the keys, they went down to the car park and found the vehicle, throwing their bags in the back before climbing in and driving off.

Jinyoung was the one who found the T junction in Hokkaido, he had wanted to visit Japan for a long time and was scrolling through tourist photos when he saw it. Something about it called to him and he showed it to Jaebeom, desperate to see it as soon as he could. Jaebeom’s face faltered for a moment when he saw the photo but promised him that he would personally take the boy there.

They later found out that there were two villages exactly 10 kilometres on either side of the road, both nearly identical, just mirrored, and Jaebeom bet Jinyoung that they’d both walk the distance on either side and find the motel in their respective village and call each other, before retracing their steps back. Jinyoung wrote down the name and number of the motels that very night and had Jaebeom keep the piece of paper he wrote it on in his wallet.

Three years later they were in a pick up truck in Hokkaido, driving the three hundred kilometre drive to their destination. They left the airport at almost noon, a map spread across Jinyoung’s lap, Jaebeom in the driver’s seat, their phones switched off in their bags.

“Hyung, why now?” Jaebeom smiled, his eyes still on the road.

“I just knew it was time. You’re turning twenty five tomorrow, you’re not the small child I met in first grade anymore” He reached over to ruffle the younger’s hair, his expression proud.

“If I’m not a kid anymore then can I finally call you Jaebeom-ah? You’re not even a year older than me, yeah, Lim Jaebeom?”

“Regardless of how old you are, you’ll always be my dongsaeng, brat. Don’t even try to convince me that you don’t need to call me hyung anymore,” Jaebeom just chuckled at Jinyoung’s pouting and whining.

They pulled out of the metropolitan area into the more rural regions of the island, either side of the road lined with wheat plantations, a month too late to be harvested as compared to normal but global warming wasn’t affecting just humans. The roads stretched to as far as the eyes could see, small huts and settlements the only signs of human life.

They drove at a calm pace, enjoying the fresh air and beautiful scenery, stopping every hour or two to take a few pictures here and there. Just as they were about to start looking for a place to find some food, they drove by a small roadside restaurant selling cheap meals. Parking their truck a few meters down the road, they stepped out and walked across to the establishment and ordered two bowls of ramen.

The tables were made of wood and there were long benches on either side instead of chairs in the restaurant. Jaebeom and Jinyoung settled on either side of the table, their food arriving soon after. Watching the two of them eat together was fascinating, as Jaebeom stuffed his mouth full of noodles while Jinyoung ate small bites, picking at his food.

Filled to the brim with hot soup, they stocked up on some water and snacks before setting off again, looking for a clear patch of land to spend the night. There was a small clearing among the fields that was big enough for their tent a few kilometres down from the restaurant so they parked their truck by the side of the road and set up.

It wasn’t cold enough for them to need a fire, curling up close in a big sleeping bag was enough heat to get them through the night. They laid outside the tent on the dry grass for a while, gazing at the stars once the sun set.

“Hyung, do you think that there’s a star in the sky for the ones we’ve lost?” Jinyoung mused.

“I hope so, sometimes. That way I can look over you once I’m gone” Jaebeom whined as Jinyoung hit his arm

“Who said you’re allowed to die before me? Just cause you’re a few months older doesn’t mean you’re going first. I’ll become a ghost and haunt you till you die, instead” They laughed together at the younger’s childishness, sharing some snacks between themselves.

“I’m serious Nyoungie, I’ll always be with you, regardless of where we are” Jinyoung turned on his side, resting his head against his hand and looked down at Jaebeom, smiling as the elder looked away from the sky to lock eyes with him.

“You’re so melodramatic, hyung” Jinyoung said, dropping back onto the grass, one hand searching for Jaebeom’s. He laced their fingers together once he found it, holding it against his chest as they continued to talk about random things, worries floating away with the soft breeze of the night.

When Jinyoung started yawning, Jaebeom decided it was time to call it night, pulling the younger into the tent to lie down. They cuddled close to each other, sleeping bag pulled tightly around their bodies. Jinyoung felt an unexplainable sense of safety, wrapped in Jaebeom’s broad shoulders, his firm chest cradling the younger’s back as they whispered nonsense in each other’s ears.

It made Jinyoung recall the countless nights they spent in his backyard, the few square feet of open space, their own little world, one with no one but them. Jinyoung had told Jaebeom every thought, every memory, every secret during those nights, protected by the black sky and the arms around his waist as he sat in the elder’s lap, his back resting against a worn out lawn chair. 

It was just before dawn when Jinyoung’s eyes opened, the warmth around his body missing. Panic took over his system for a moment as he tried to rack his brain to figure out why he was alone. Just as he was about to shout for Jaebeom, the elder stepped back inside the tent to call Jinyoung to watch the sunrise, the soft smile on his face flooding Jinyoung’s body with relief. They had a breakfast of mandarins and granola bars before packing their things up and getting back into the truck.  

The roads were clear everywhere they went, not a soul in sight. Fields turned to trees turned to proper forests on either side of their path, becoming their only companions on the journey. The conversation flowed easily, topics light, changing quickly like the vegetation around them.

Jinyoung doesn’t remember a time when Jaebeom had smiled so brightly. For most of the time that he had known the elder, it felt like Jaebeom was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. He doesn’t remember seeing the elder laugh so loudly, with his head thrown back at Jinyoung’s dad jokes.

There was always a reason for Jaebeom to hate the world, for as wise and kind he was, it always felt like he was fighting demons that no one but Jinyoung could see, but even then, the younger never knew what they were. Jinyoung remembers the day he told Jaebeom about Japan, after that one brief moment, as the idea sunk into his body, as he accepted it into his heart, it became part of Jaebeom’s grand plan.

There would be days where he would talk about nothing but their trip, like it was the one thing that kept him going. Jinyoung couldn’t lie that his heart fluttered when Jaebeom talked about spending that experience of his life with the younger, proof that he meant as much to the elder as the elder meant to him.

As they reached a part of the forest that was nothing but dark green, reminding Jinyoung of the fences of his backyard that made up the borders of his world, he asked the elder to stop. They stepped out of the truck, Jaebeom pulling out his camera to click some photos before finding his book and sitting down on the road, facing the way they just came. Jinyoung grabbed his earphones and a sketchbook, sitting with his back against Jaebeom’s, facing the route they would take ahead.

About an hour later Jaebeom checks his watch, a gift from his mother to him and Jinyoung, who had a matching one in silver as compared to Jaebeom’s one in gold. The watch ran on their heartbeat, as long as they were breathing and alive, the watch would keep running. They had about five minutes to rest if they wanted to reach the junction before sunset. He bent one arm back to tap at Jinyoung’s shoulder, who jumped at the touch, having been lost in his sketch.

They got back on the road soon after, the drive rather quiet as they took in the fresh air, pulling the windows down and admiring the view. Halfway through Jaebeom was sick of driving so they stopped to switch places but instead of climbing into the front, he hopped into the back of the truck, smiling at Jinyoung through the small window between them.

He sat like that for the following hour plus, just admiring the path behind them as Jinyoung surged forward. After a while Jinyoung started whining, complaining that he was too lonely so they stopped again and Jaebeom got out of the back to sit in the front, next to Jinyoung.

“Hyung, where do you see yourself five years into the future?” Jaebeom chuckled at the question, a hint of bitterness laced in his voice as he pondered for a moment.

“By your side” Jinyoung just whined at the elder’s cheesy answer.

“I’m serious, hyung. Would you have found a pretty girl by then? You’d be 30, would you want to settle down, perhaps?” Jinyoung took his eyes off the road for a moment to look at the elder’s face, perplexed at the knowing smile on his face.

“Wouldn’t you want to know, Jinyoungie?” The elder teased.

“Don’t tell me you have a secret girlfriend you haven’t told me about, that would break my heart Lim Jaebeom,” The elder just chuckled, much to Jinyoung’s dismay.

“Don’t worry Jinyoung, I would never hide anything from my best friend” Jinyoung beamed at the elder, his suspicions slowly fading, despite the hint of guilt on the elder’s face.

They stopped at a farmer’s market they stumbled across to restock on food before they took off on the last leg of their journey. According to the map and their calculations, it would take less than two hours for them to reach the junction.

Jaebeom pulled out a few mandarins from the bag and peeled them as Jinyoung drove, feeding pieces to the younger to make sure he kept his eyes on the road.

“What about you, Jinyoung? Where do you see yourself in five years?” Jinyoung held back a comment about the lack of creativity in Jaebeom’s question as he thought about his answer.

“Probably buying a house and working a better job. I love living with my parents, but I feel like its high time I lived on my own”

“What about you finding a girl? Do you have a secret girlfriend I don’t know about, Nyoungie?” Jinyoung didn’t answer the question, but he couldn’t stop the redness from rising to his ears.

“Don’t tell me, you found someone, didn’t you? How could you not tell your hyung, Jinyoung? I’m so hurt. And there you were, accusing me of having a girlfriend” Jinyoung vehemently denied the elder’s accusations, mumbling something under his breath that sounded like ‘if only you knew’ before Jaebeom dropped the topic.

Jinyoung’s face lit up though, when he started recognising the scenery he had seen in the photos, slowing the truck down as the junction came into sight, right in front of them. He stopped just before it, both of them pushing the doors open to run towards it.

“Ready?” It was all Jinyoung could say at that moment, overwhelmed by emotions. They were finally where they had dreamed to be for years. They left their bags in the truck, knowing that they should reach either side before sunset.

Once more, they pressed their backs against each other’s mirroring the large arrows signalling the directions just behind them. Their fingers laced at their sides, and two deep breaths later they set off, with a promise to not look back.

Jinyoung walked confidently, determined to not turn. They had promised each other that they wouldn’t chicken out, not even glance back at each other as they walked. Jinyoung didn’t stop once, he let his feet drag him forward at an even pace.

The scenery was gorgeous, one side covered in trees and the other with flat fields that stretched out infinitely. He kept walking, ignoring the welling urge to turn back. Even after he was far enough to be sure that he wouldn’t be able to see the elder even if he turned around, he still felt the pull inside himself, just to check once.

A story he had heard once came to his mind. Yugyeom, his cousin, was a big fan of Greek mythology and had narrated to him the legend of Orpheus and Eurydice, of how young Orpheus’s love, Eurydice had died of a viper bite and he went down to hell to bring her back. Hades had accepted his request with the one condition that he would not turn back to look at her.

Determined to leave with her he had walked on, but the urge became too strong as he doubted the lord of the underworld and wondered if he had tricked the poor man. In the end he did turn back, and Eurydice was there, but she would no longer follow him back home.

Jinyoung scolded himself for recollecting the tragedy, it only spurred on his fear that something might be wrong, that Jaebeom himself turned around to walk towards Jinyoung. The younger looked at his watch to check the time, it read 1:29. He had been walking for nearly an hour and he was growing far too worried.

That’s when he did it, he turned around and looked back. As he had expected, he could see nothing but the endless road in front of him, not a sign of Jaebeom anywhere. It was as if the world had stopped around him for a moment, and he checked his watch once more to make sure it didn’t. The second hand seemed to hesitate for just a second, as if counting the same second twice, before running back as normal. It counted twice at 1:31:23.

It was almost four in the afternoon by the time he reached the village, immediately recognising the motel from his research. Walking in, he asked the receptionist if they had received a call from one Lim Jaebeom but they said they hadn’t which meant that Jaebeom hadn’t arrived yet. He waited for ten minutes before ringing up the other motel and described Jaebeom to them, asking them to inform the elder when he arrived and tell him to call back.

Deciding to take the extra time to take some rest before he set off back to the truck, Jinyoung bought a peach flavoured water from the vending machine in the lobby and settled down on one of the couches. Before he could put his wallet back though, he saw a piece of paper in it that he didn’t recall putting there.

Opening it, he realised it was a print out of their e tickets Jaebeom had booked for the trip. He would have put it in his wallet at some point during the security check, Jinyoung thought to himself. But as he read through it, his eyes blew open.

Jaebeom had only booked three tickets in total, one ticket to and from Hokkaido for Jinyoung but only a single ticket for Jaebeom to Hokkaido. The elder had not booked himself a return ticket. Jinyoung tried to convince himself that it was probably a mistake but he knew Jaebeom way too well. Was the elder not planning to go back with him? Was he planning to ditch him? A million thoughts ran through Jinyoung’s head but he was pulled out of it when the landline at the reception rang.

“Hello? Mr. Park? We have some unfortunate news to share with you” Jinyoung felt his knees wobble as he heard the voice of the old lady on the other end of the landline.

The next thing he knew he was surrounded by stark white walls and the smell of disinfectant. He didn’t even get to see Jaebeom, he just met the doctor outside the ICU who stopped him from rushing inside. The man held him back and kept saying something that Jinyoung couldn’t hear, he just wanted to see his hyung and see him that very moment.

BREAKING NEWS

Lim Jaebeom, a 25 year old man from Korea found collapsed by the road turning left from the famous Hokkaido T junction. He was pronounced dead on arrival. The man was found to be suffering from a rare type of cancer diagnosed at birth, which was declared the cause of death.

Jinyoung doesn’t remember fainting, he just knew that his eyes opened to see a picture of Jaebeom laying on the road, the news reporter speaking in Japanese that Jinyoung could barely decipher. The elder’s face was turned away from the camera, the only thing that Jinyoung could see through the tears was his watch. It read 1:31:23.

[got7writerscollective]

Flight Log: The Journey

GOT7 Writers Collective is excited to announce it’s 2nd official project in honour of GOT7′s 7th anniversary: Flight Log: The Journey. 

The project is open to all GOT7 fanfiction writers and readers.

The theme of the project is “The Journey” and writers are open to use the prompt as they wish to, be it literally or figuratively, in order to celebrate how far GOT7 has come over the last 7 years.

To participate in the project, you must be a member of GOT7 Writers Collective. If you are not a member yet, APPLICATIONS ARE OPEN TILL THE 17TH OF JANUARY 2021 (Check pinned post on @got7writerscollective​).

Are you not a fanfic writer? Do you just enjoy reading GOT7 fanfiction? Well you are also welcome to join G7WC. All readers will get early access to the fics written by the writers and will be voting on them in various categories to give out special awards on behalf of G7WC to the creators.

The project will take place in three stages:

Flight Log: Departure

The first and ongoing stage of the project includes this official announcement post and all the applications for the project.

In order to be part of the project, all readers must be part of the discord server. Writers are also strongly urged to join the server (if any present member is not in the server please dm the G7WC net account or admin Cris @limjaeseven​ in order to receive an invite to said server) in order to help vote on fics. 

Flight Log: Departure will mark the beginning of the project and will mainly consist of the sign up phase.

Flight Log: Turbulence

Flight Long: Turbulence will mark the second phase of the project which will be the writing and voting phase. All writers must submit their work to admin Cris (@limjaeseven​) by the 25th of January 2020 via a google doc link without the name or URL of the writer mentioned anywhere in the actual doc itself either by dm on tumblr or discord. 

Readers will be given time till the 28th to read through the fics and vote on different categories. Writers will not be allowed to vote for their own fics. Writers will only be allowed to publish their fics on the 29th and 30th. Fics posted before the 29th of January 2021 (in the writer’s corresponding timezone) will be disqualified from the voting process. 

Flight Log: Arrival

Flight Log: Arrival, the final stage of the project will begin on the 29th, as the writers start posting their fics. The final masterlist will be posted on the 1st of February 2021. Winning posts will be reblogged with their awards mentioned by the net and a seperate masterlist will be made for all the fics that won. Writers are to use #flightlogproject while posting their fics.

We hope you are as excited for the 7th anniversary of GOT7 and this project as we here at GOT7 Writers Collective are. We hope to see you join us to celebrate this very special occasion with us all!