#fleet gets personal

[fleetsparrow]

An interesting thing I've noticed in my years of being a chronically ill writer is that there are very few resources that specifically give advice to this group. And that could be because of the language barrier.

Often, those of us with chronic illnesses will say, "I don't have time for X" because it's an easy concept abled people can understand. "Not having time" is something everyone runs up against, as time continues no matter what. It's simple to see how we might "run out" of time.

Unfortunately, this often leads to unhelpful advice. Abled writers will say things like, " then cut out Y" or "wake up earlier" which, yes, does generally answer the Time problem.

But we're not really using time as meaning of "finite minutes and seconds". In this context, "time" is quick shorthand for any or all of the following:

Energy

The intro and outro stages of tasks

Task switching

Settling into tasks and spaces

Pain levels

Functioning levels

Because, for the majority of abled people, they do not have to think about these things. When you don't live with a chronic illness, you don't realize how taxing every step of every process is.

To write in the way that is most productive for me, I physically need:

To be seated in my chair at my desk

To have my computer on

To have my keyboard on the desk and in my hands

But on top of that, I also need:

Steady chunk of time

Low levels of pain

High levels of focus, concentration, and functioning

If any one of these is missing, writing becomes that much harder to do.

Now imagine two of those missing.

Now most of them.

"I don't have time" becomes a quick explanation for "the Venn diagram of Time, Energy, and Pain is not correctly overlapping and I can no longer think clearly enough to create".

Which, yeah, the second is more accurate, but it's longer to say and invites the abled to offer more unwanted advice.

[fleetsparrow]

All of this!

When I was in middle school, my period cramps were severe. I mean, like, the extreme pain you might imagine if someone reached into your body, grabbed your innards, and twisted them into knots.

Obviously, I could not go to school on these days. I was lucky if I fell asleep long enough to not hurt right then.

The school counselor called my home to say that I "needed to be in class" or they were going to mark me a truant and possibly expel me. Thankfully, I had three things going for me:

Solid straight A, top of the class student

Strong history of union membership on both sides of my family

My dad took the call

My room shared a wall with the dining room turned office where my dad would make phone calls. Through the haze of pain, I heard him make that call.

Things got heated.

"Is she falling behind in her work?" No.

"Are her grades slipping?" No.

"Is she disruptive?" No.

"Then what's the problem?"

The problem was, if students aren't at school through lunch, the school does not get paid.

"Wow, that seems like a district problem to me."

My dad offered that, if they really couldn't work with my actual illnesses, my parents could pull me out completely. Or we could call in the ACLU and verify if my illnesses qualified as disabilities under the ADA.

As you can imagine, the school backed off real fast at that suggestion.

But they shouldn't have pressed it at all.

Attendance is not a sign of morality. "Perfect attendance" awards do not help anyone.

Every kid who got one of those achievements came to school when they were sick. All those colds and flus and bugs passed to everyone else. And those of us who have shit immune systems, who have autoimmune disorders, who have other disabilities, and/or who were just unlucky enough to sit next to the sick kid that time...

Well, we certainly didn't get the "perfect attendance" awards.

We got punished. We got missed assignments with no make-up dates, automatic 0 test scores, detentions, calls home. When we stayed home to not spread anything further, we got called lazy. We were excluded from class events because, "You didn't do all the assignments/tests." We got extra work on top of our regular homework so we "wouldn't fall behind."

The argument is that schools are "preparing [us] for the real world". That's true to an extent. Jobs don't like it when you're not there, either, even though it really shouldn't make much difference, especially if they're not paying you while you're gone.

My current day job has a "point" system. Accumulate too many points and you're suspended without pay. Too many more, and you're fired.

What does that get them, though?

Sure, at that point, they're not paying you, but they also have nobody to do the work you were doing.

But, then, that's capitalism for you. Penny wise and pound foolish.

If we're going to make things fully accessible, there needs to be an acceptance of varying disability needs as well as a lack of punishment for the fact that we are disabled.

When I say “school should be disability accessible”, I don’t just mean we need handicap rails and EAs. Kids should be able to miss a day without failing out of school. You shouldn’t be dismissed from clubs because your attendance record is “spotty” (true story). I once missed an entire week of school because of a terrible, unending migraine. I was expected to keep up with my studies despite the blinding pain that came with working on my computer. When I heard my teachers say that you couldn’t miss exams, I asked what I would have to do to be excused from them. Their response? “Either get a doctor’s note an hour before the exam or death of an immediate family member.”

I cannot express how rigid this expectation was. First of all, with my condition, I wouldn’t have enough warning about my sickness to go to the doctor and request a note. For many people, this is exceptionally difficult, especially with the current shortage of medical professionals. Next, it ignores the fact that my schedule may not line with theirs because of my medical needs. Once, I had to visit a hospital a province away (which I was on the waiting list of for over a year) on the same day as an exam. I begged my mother not to take me because I was so nervous that I would be marked as an automatic fail. I was lucky enough to make it work, but that’s only because of my spectacular support system consisting of family members and wonderful doctors.

Disabilities aren’t always about needing a bus that can accommodate wheelchairs. It’s already difficult enough for many of us to maintain school attendance without the harsh punishments involved for skipping a day. We need to be able to miss school without being punished. Only than can you claim that the school is “accessible”

[hephaestuscrew]

“This has both our names on it”: Viewing Fleet and Clara’s relationship in Victoriocity through a queerplatonic lens

TL;DR: By Season 3 of Victoriocity, Fleet and Clara have developed a committed emotional partnership that certainly moves beyond the purely professional. Whilst very much operating as a duo, they can be interpreted as often rejecting or subverting romance-coded elements in their relationship, instead embracing a unique dynamic that can be read as resonating with the concept of a queerplatonic relationship (QPR).

Buckle up because this is over 2,500 words long! If you'd rather read it as a document, you can access it here: Fleet & Clara QPR Google Doc

Disclaimer: I'm not making any claims about creator intent, nor about how anyone else ought to interpret Fleet and Clara's dynamic. It's also worth acknowledging that queerplatonic relationships are inherently defined by the people in them and any attempt to apply such terminology to a story set in 1887 is obviously anachronistic (although whether that should matter when said story also contains a cyborg Queen Victoria is up for debate). 

With that said, if we define a QPR as a committed personal partnership which is not entirely captured by the typical expectations of either friendship or romance but may contain some elements typically associated with either (other definitions of QPRs are available), I enjoy viewing Fleet and Clara's relationship through a QPR lens, and I want to talk about some of the reasons why I think this reading works.

***Spoilers for all three seasons of Victoriocity and the novel High Vaultage***

Detective duos

Even before we actually get into Fleet and Clara's particular bond, detective / crime-solving duos as a general concept have QPR energy to me (which probably predisposed me to this interpretation). It's the Holmes-and-Watson legacy. It's the use of the word 'partner' in a non-romantic context (‘associate’ or ‘companion’ can also serve a similar purpose). It's the intense trust and reliance on each other. It's the sense of being a recognisable pair, always appearing together, known as a duo, with skills and attributes that complement each other. 

Romantic assumptions

Moving on to Fleet and Clara specifically, one aspect of their relationship that can be read through a QPR lens is how they are often in situations where other people believe or imply that there is a romantic relationship between them. Sometimes this is a deliberate strategy of theirs, and sometimes it’s imposed upon them by others. But I’d argue that there’s never a point where they both simultaneously seem entirely comfortable with that romantic narrative for their relationship. Usually one of them will actively deny the assumption or react negatively to the implication:

When Mrs Hampshire interprets Clara and Fleet as a couple experiencing “young love”, Clara might be happy to adopt this as an effective cover story, but Fleet seems unsettled and keen for them not to be perceived this way: “No. No. You’ve misunderstood, we are not, that is to say I am…” (S1E2)

When Warden Hughes assumes Fleet is the new Warden and Clara is the new Warden’s wife, Clara says “I am certainly not”, with emphasis on the ‘certainly’. (S2E2)

Fleet definitely doesn’t sound enthused when he realises Clara has gone for a married couple as their cover story at the Grand Salcombe: “I am sure I’ll regret asking, but by any chance am I [Mr. Theasby?]” (S2E2)

When Titus Byrne tells the pair “I take it you're happy sharing [a room]”, Clara responds with a horrified “What?” (S3E4) (Obviously sleeping in the same room isn’t inherently romantic, but it is often perceived that way.)

Of course, fake dating and external assumptions of romance are very common tropes in romantic will-they-won't-they dynamics, and these moments could definitely be interpreted that way for Fleet and Clara. But I prefer to read these instances as reflecting a different kind of closeness between these two characters. They have a sense of emotional partnership that allows a marriage cover story to seem plausible to others and that other people sometimes automatically assume to be romantic (obviously with some period-typical heteronormativity at play). But to me, it doesn't seem like either of them are fully comfortable with their relationship being perceived in a directly romantic way. Perhaps they are a couple in a different sense…

Proposal via door plate 

The way that Fleet asks Clara to be his business partner has always seemed to me like a platonic version of when people find personal ways to surprise their romantic partner with a proposal:

CLARA: You bought me a door plate for your office? [...] This has both our names on it. FLEET: What do you think? CLARA: I like it. (S2E7)

Fleet could have just asked Clara outright, without going to the trouble of buying a sign that would have been useless if she’d said no. If it was purely a professional business proposition with no emotional meaning behind it, I think he would have just asked verbally. But instead, he gifts her a sign with their two names paired together: Fleet-Entwhistle Investigations. There's something so intimate about that to me: about Fleet asking Clara whether she would like to be a duo with him in a more formally-defined but still non-romantic way; about him choosing to present this offer in the form of a gift; about the way he presents her with their two names joined together etched into metal and asks what she thinks; about the significance that this gesture attaches to their partnership; about him having enough trust that she'll say yes that the effort and vulnerability of presenting her with that sign seem worth it for him. And the gesture means an awful lot to Clara:

She thought about the door plaque he’d had engraved with both their names on it as his way of inviting her to be his business partner – typical Fleet, refusing to tell her so much as his favourite breakfast food and then to go and do something like that. It was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for her. (High Vaultage, p187). 

Anniversaries

In the special episode ‘Murder in the Pharaoh's Tomb', Clara says “And you know what else is a big occasion Fleet? It's our one-month anniversary.” She wants to celebrate the anniversary of Fleet-Entwhistle Investigations. Their partnership holds a significance for her that means key dates associated with it are worth remembering and remarking upon. 

When Clara first mentions their anniversary, Fleet nearly chokes on his drink, which seems like an instinctive reaction to the usually romantic connotations of an anniversary (see my point above about Fleet not being comfortable with their dynamic being perceived as romantic). But when Clara clarifies what she means, Fleet seems much more cheerful about the notion of their anniversary: “Ah, so it has.”

“Miss Clara Entwhistle, my partner”

I get extremely strong QPR vibes from this moment, when Fleet introduces Clara to the sailors at Grave End:

FLEET: This is Miss Clara Entwhistle, my partner - in business, my business partner. CLARA: I'm also his friend, but he doesn't like to say it. (S3 E3)

Fleet and Clara are partners, but not in the way the average person might assume from that word, which Fleet realises mid-sentence here. This is another instance of Fleet reacting negatively to the idea that their relationship might be interpreted romantically (see above). And yet, 'partner' (rather than, say, ‘colleague’) is the word that comes naturally to him in this moment to describe who Clara is to him. He then frantically emphasises the professional element of their relationship so as to avoid the romantic implication, but Clara is keen to proudly assert that there is a personal, emotional aspect to their dynamic too. They are first-and-foremost partners, and they are friends, and they do not want to be seen in a romantic light - this post basically writes itself... 

“Her ridiculous detective.”

When Clara fears for her life at the display of the Lanterns, the narration tells us:

“she thought of her brother, her sister, her parents... Her ridiculous detective.” (High Vaultage, p172) 

The fact that Clara thinks of Fleet in this moment of fear clearly indicates his importance to her, but I think the phrasing of this quote is particularly interesting. The narration lists Clara's immediate family: two of whom are dead (her sister and father), one of whom is publically mourning Clara's life choices (her mother), and only one of whom we have any real evidence of her having a positive relationship with (her brother). And then, separated from these complicated familial relationships by an ellipsis, the narration tells Clara also thinks of Fleet, “her ridiculous detective”. 

Parents and siblings are familial relationships that tend to come with established expectations, in which the use of a possessive pronoun (i.e. her brother) to indicate the relationship is a norm. ‘Detective’ does not fall into this category; unlike ‘brother’, ‘sister’, ‘parent’, ‘friend’, ‘partner’ etc., ‘detective’ is not a word that inherently implies a relationship or that we'd usually expect to see preceded by a possessive pronoun. The idea of ‘her detective’ therefore stands out, giving the sense that there is a unique relationship being indicated here. The way in which Fleet is ‘hers’ is something that Clara has chosen for herself, something that they have shaped together. Who they are to each other can't necessarily be fully expressed using standard phrases that traditionally describe relationships between people. But Fleet is Clara's detective, of which she only has one, and who she'll think of in the midst of “the screaming of the heavens at the end of the world”.

Fleet is also the only one in this list of Clara's loved ones who gets an adjective - her love for him has detail. And while “ridiculous” might often be perceived as negative (it's certainly not a classic romantic endearment), it seems to me like there's such fondness in it in this context: the recognition of and affection for eccentricities, the idea that his importance to her is not (purely) based on his professional strengths but on Fleet as a whole - perhaps at times ridiculous - person.

“Settled”

When Clara and Fleet talk about Clara's mother’s expectations for her, they have this exchange:

"She's still living in hope that one day I'll settle down."  "You're not settled?" asked Fleet. "I am." (High Vaultage, p259) 

By ‘settle down’, Clara's mother of course means ‘marry’, ideally into “at least a minor baronetcy”. But Clara already considers herself "settled", just not in a way her mother would understand or appreciate. She's not looking to "settle down" into a lifestyle other than her current one. She is settled in a situation where Fleet is certainly her closest personal connection in London (and perhaps anywhere), and where the two of them work closely together, operate as a duo, and then go back to their separate homes. And this partnership with Fleet is a comfortable set-up that feels right for Clara exactly as it is, rather than being a precursor to, or a distraction from, the marriage ambitions that her mother wants for her.

I think this exchange also contains an implicit sense of the commitment between the two of them. Fleet wants to check that Clara is ‘settled’ in her current situation, of which working closely - and platonically - with Fleet is obviously a major element; Clara confirms she is. There's a subtle indication of their shared intention to be in this for the long haul.

As a sidenote, Fleet and Clara’s implicit assumption that their partnership is a long-term one can manifest itself in joking contexts as well as serious ones. Look at this exchange from S3E5: 

FLEET: We're not bandits, we're just going to flag it down. CLARA: We'd be terrific bandits! FLEET: Let's just see how our current line of work goes.

I think it’s notable that, in this joking speculation, both Fleet and Clara use ‘we’ and ‘our’. The joke could have been phrased just as effectively if they were imagining only Clara becoming a bandit. But the suggestion is that, if either of them was a bandit, they’d be bandits together. Even if they changed their lives entirely, they'd still approach life together.

Inseparable 

Fleet and Clara have become a nearly inseparable duo in a way which is noticed by others. For example, after Clara and Fleet fall out in High Vaultage, Fleet meets with Keller, who says: 

"You're here with me instead of barrelling across town with her, so I'm just assuming there is some thickheaded puffinry for which you need to apologise to Miss Entwhistle" (p335)

Keller, hardly the most emotionally perceptive man in Even Greater London, automatically infers from the fact that Fleet is on his own that he has had a falling out with Clara, rather than that they just happen to be in different places. When all is well, Keller expects to see the two of them together, whether or not they are in a position to be actively working a case.

Going back earlier in their partnership, Keller makes a similar assumption about Fleet and Clara being inseparable in S2E6. When Clara shouts her name amidst Keller's anti-Vidoc booby traps, Keller asks "Entwhistle? Which means… Fleet?" Again, there's this idea that if one of them is there, the other is likely to be there too - they come as a pair. (It's worth noting that this scene takes place less than two weeks after they first met.)

“Like a friend might?”

At the end of S3E7, Fleet suggests that he and Clara go to the theatre together. It would have been easy for this invitation to have been explicitly framed as a romantic proposition, or even for the nature of the offer to have been left more ambiguous. But Clara says "Archibald Fleet, are you inviting me to a social activity? Like a friend might?" The use of the word 'friend' directly labels this as a platonic interaction. And it's with that platonic lens on it that Clara is extremely excited to spend non-work-related social time with Fleet.

“Maybe it'll just be my good luck charm.”

CLARA: My grandmother's ring, I don't suppose you managed to hold on to it? [...] FLEET: Oh, it's been crushed.. I'm sorry Clara [...] CLARA: No, you keep it. FLEET: What? No... CLARA: Keep it. Maybe it'll remind you not to run towards trains. FLEET: Maybe. Maybe it'll just be my good luck charm.

In S3E7, Clara gives Fleet a ring, which - as a gift from one person to another - is traditionally a symbol of a particular, legally recognised, kind of personal commitment. But when Clara tells Fleet to keep the damaged ring, down in the Underground tunnels after the destruction of the beast and Fleet's latest brush with death, it is quite a different situation to a wedding or a proposal. A married man would traditionally wear his wedding ring on his finger for all to see, but Fleet won't ever wear this ring like that. The ring itself has been bent into a different shape between the wheels of their misadventures, subverting the usual associations of a ring given from one person to another. (In a heteronormative world, those associations are particularly strong when the two people in question are a woman and a man.) 

That ring is not an engagement ring, but it is Clara’s grandmother's ring, an inheritance from the blood family she never really felt she belonged in, now given to the man who might be a very different kind of family for her in London. That ring - with which Clara saved Fleet's life - is a symbol of their bond. And it therefore serves as a reminder for Fleet “not to run towards trains" and as a “good luck charm”. I like to think he'll carry that ring with him, perhaps in his jacket pocket - a little piece of his partner, kept close to his ticking heart…

Thank you for reading all of this!

If you’ve read all of this, I'm assuming you also enjoy the concept of Fleet and Clara as a QPR (unless you're really a glutton for punishment) and that makes me very happy! This was long because there's so much to say about them… And I wrote all of the above without even getting into: the potential to headcanon Fleet and/or Clara as aspec (which I don't think is necessary for QPR headcanons, but which is also fun); Clara's baggage around and discomfort with marriage in general; the speed with which Fleet and Clara become a ride-or-die duo; and the many other demonstrations of care, understanding, trust, respect, and affection between them that didn't feel as directly QPR-coded to me but are nonetheless wonderful. Please do feel free to share your own thoughts!

[wideminded-dreamer]

Yeah I’m gonna sobbing over this for a while

[narrativelysignificantturtleduck]

the thing about hakoda to me is that by all rights he should be some dad in cargo shorts and a goofy print short-sleeve button-up shirt in line at the hardware store happily buying supplies for the latest thing he's building in his garage but unfortunately due to genre and colonialism he has be a great Warrior and Leader Of Men. he should be building star wars legos with his son and going on gay little fishing trips with his best buddy but instead he's gotta Lead The Troops in a Noble Fight to Protect their Homeland Against the Evil Empire. he just wants to grill for god's sake but the narrative won't let him

[fleetsparrow]

Honestly, my teens and twenties were absolute dogshit just compared to the 3 years I've been in my 30s. I can only imagine how much better things will get in my 40s.

Like, yeah, obviously some things do not improve, but buddy, that's just fucking life. I've had chronic pain my whole life; the aches of aging cannot be worse than what I've dealt with already.

Might I not have the intense energy of an abled neurotypical 20-something as I age? Probably, but I never had that to begin with.

The worst lie we tell the young is the one that says "these are the best years of your life".

If I had thought that, I'd I had truly believed that my teens and twenties were the BEST years of my life and nothing would ever top them, I can guarantee I would not be here today. I've come that dangerously close to that mindset, and it is terrible.

Embrace aging. Embrace the knowledge and wisdom and liberation that comes with being able to make your decisions for yourself and saying no to things you don't want to do.

Your best years have not passed. They're still to come.

the older i get and the closer i am to reaching 30, the more the people around me try to deny me my age. it’s a constant ‘oh you’re just turning 29 again teehee 🤭’ or ‘dont tell your SO that, he’ll leave you for a younger model 😉’ and i just???? hate it?????????

i spent my entire teenaged years fighting for my life. i crawled through the deepest pits of my depression to cling to the promise of a life beyond that pain. i was so convinced that i was going to die young, that i would never see the grace of my age starting with a 2, let alone 3.

so im going to turn 30, and there’s not a damn thing anyone can do to stop me from loving it.

[anthemofgvf]

hi this photo is going to be my hyper fixation for quite some time

[devilat-thedoor]

😌SEE YOU SOON BABYGIRL WIFE😌

[sakuraspoke]

the neurodivergent urge to doom spiral at any minor setback i perceive to be an irredeemable personal failure

[fleetsparrow]

Never, and I mean never EVER, put your job before yourself or your loved ones.

Your job does not care for you. They do not. The only thing that matters to them is that you're a body making them money.

No matter what favors they may give, no matter how "generous" they seem, jobs would rather and gladly kill you than take an inch of loss.

If the company owes you nothing, you owe them even less.

[silverjirachi]

and then i realized today well shit man no wonder im exhausted all the time. i work all day and then i spend the rest of my time at home also working on writing and stuff so that i can obtain a single shred of the feeling of love and attention and validation through writing 150k words that some people get for free just for existing

[keikoayano]

Thinking about the yearning when Eurylochus says “let’s just cut our losses, you and I, and let’s run”

He’s not saying to forget those they’ve lost, he’s not saying to undo what has been done, he’s not blaming Odysseus (at this moment) for the consequences of his decisions. He reminds Odysseus of this all, sure, but not to be negative or force Odysseus to confront what they’ve lived through. He’s begging Odysseus to see things from his point-of-view.

He doesn’t want to lose Odysseus on top of everything else, even though he’s watching Odysseus change in front of him from the captain that he’s known, from the friend that he’s known for years. He doesn’t want to lose what few men are left. He doesn’t want to lose another self-proclaimed brother - they’ve both lost Polites already.

He just wants to grab Odysseus and get everyone remaining home, even if that means turning and running

[hephaestuscrew]

Thinking about the protective way Clara tells Fleet not to go into DeVries' dangerous-looking training set-up, and about how when Septimus mentions Fleet's friend Fleet's immediate assumption is that he must mean Clara, and about "This is Miss Clara Entwhistle, my partner - in business, my business partner." / "I'm also his friend, but he doesn't like to say it.", and about how Fleet rarely smiles but he smiles to himself at Clara having a good idea (and Clara notices the change in his expression), and about how Clara is trying to work out Fleet's birthday through a process of elimination, and about how Fleet tries twice to shut down the conversation with Frances Byrne that's making Clara uncomfortable, and about how panicked and angry he sounds after realising she's been poisoned...

[gothbard]

the next twid needs to start with pete parsons's resignation letter

[fleetinggabi]

A poem of mine about my shifting self through the years and the few who've stayed and seen me throughout <3

Memories I can't make out

In name forgotten, their warmth I've found

Hard to tell when you were there

Now I know, standing here

Missing you in memories

I can't help but feel so mean

When in time you've grown so fond

Of the me, that was born

I will try to focus more

Keeping you, memories new and old

[jorrated]

sonadow (hands u the hornet nest)

i think its whatever but fanon has destroyed it for me