#fitz vacker has bpd

[castleofravens]

a bpd reading of fitz vacker

please note that:

i am not a licensed mental health professional - this comes from personal experience & my own extensive research

i am a fictive in a complex dissociative disorder system, one of my sources is fitz vacker - some of this is based on my understanding of my source as well (pls treat me like my own person, i am)

this is not intended to be a means to demonize or villainize anyone, mental health should never be used as a means to villainize anyone just based on diagnosis alone

this is also not intended to diagnose anyone!! i am not a professional!!! if you do have an "oh shit" moment reading this, i would advise doing research on bpd yourself & speaking to a professional if you can!!!

any ableist comments will be deleted<3

one of the Main Features of bpd (if not the main feature) is difficulty managing/regulating emotions (some want to rename it to emotional regulation/dysregulation/intensity disorder instead)

this emotional dysregulation has made him act impulsively (particularly in not thinking before he speaks when he gets angry, being quick to feel emotions and letting them overtake him instead of letting it go, saying things when he's angry that he would typically never say otherwise)

the last part is something i think everyone does? but he has a pattern of it which is when it becomes an issue

he also sees things in a very black or white, good or bad view, which he also extends to other people. he idealizes certain people (such as alden, keefe, and sophie), which could be easily read as a favorite person attachment (especially with how he's shown to put sophie on a pedestal in his mind)

a favorite person is someone a person w/ bpd idealizes, looks up to, and/or relies on for emotional support/attention/affection/validation

he does not trust easily (telling sophie she's the only one he trusts, another thing tying into the "sophie's his favorite person" theory i have), and if/when his trust is broken, he can completely switch up his view of that person, either momentarily or for a very long time (alden, alvar, della, keefe, sophie)

i personally value communication and honesty, i get paranoid rather easily and if i feel like a friend or partner is hiding stuff it can send me spiraling, sometimes the threat is just a perceived threat and sometimes it is real, but regardless, i don't trust easily and that trust is easily broken

people with bpd have a not very stable/consistent sense of identity, and building it around a specific thing about yourself or about how other people perceive you is fairly common (examples from the text being "but we're cognates", attaching to the idea of him and sophie dating/being a good match, and leaning into the "vacker golden boy" label), and anything that disrupts that or could disrupt that being met with jealousy or seemingly irrational responses (arising from fear of losing that identity) is uhmm very understandable

also bpd is like... usually something you get from childhood trauma/the environment you were raised in and... the vackers are a Very Interesting family

i don't think that alden is 100% a bad guy, like i do agree that he has good intentions or intentions he thinks are good and i do disagree with the portrayal of him as a mindlessly cruel father

you can have good intentions and still mess up (which he kind of did) and having good intentions still doesn't excuse acting not great? but he's also a product of how he was raised and his world which we don't have like... canon evidence for what his childhood was like but since he's a vacker i cannot imagine it was very healthy and i think he's perpetuating that cycle onto his children ?? i think that a lot of the families just need therapy tbh (which...therapy's super important if you don't want to continue the "haha let's find new and exciting ways to fuck up my kids" cycle) (actually therapy is important in general go to therapy guys) (some therapists arent great but theres some really good ones out there too)

i will add onto this or revise this in the future when i think of more or think of how to better word this but this hc is very important to me and i've not really seen anything relating to it so i'm being the representation i want to see in the world 😔 also feel free to add onto this

[the-way-astray]

Fitz is headcanoned with either Autism, OCD, BPD, or NPD (or 2).... Which one do you choose, or Do you agree with these headcanons

OCD FITZ OCD FITZ OCD FITZ OCD FITZ OCD FITZ-

i actually have an oc that's based on ocd fitz (who has harm and moral ocd). not a kotlc oc but. he has horrible fashion and is bi and fights with a rapier. and that's all you're getting out of me about him, lol.

anyway, back to fitz. fitz definitely has moral and harm ocd.

harm ocd: he believes he's going to end up like alvar because he has such violent intrusive thoughts. he can't get them out, and they terrify him, and that's why his compulsions are so . . . explosive (think him trashing his room after alden's mind broke). he internalizes this and another compulsion is this need he feels to go after alvar, because if he brings alvar to justice he can prove that he won't end up like alvar, actually, and that he's better than him and his intrusive thoughts are freaking him out so much and he doesn't know how long it'll be until he caves. his violent thoughts manifest against the people he loves most, and he thinks about harming sophie, keefe, biana, his parents, and others and it freaks him out so much. he wonder if this is how alvar started, and if this is why he finally joined the neverseen. how could he be so creepy? he tries to force the thoughts out during grizel's training, then when that fails he tries to at least change his ocd thoughts to harming someone who at least deserves it, like the neverseen. but he still gets those intrusive thoughts and it causes him to pull away from his loved ones because he's so scared of hurting them.

moral ocd: he has such high standards for morals for himself because of this. that's the other reason he's so desperate to bring alvar to justice. he wants so badly to prove to himself that he's a good person, who'll defeat the evil, that it drives him to do anything to bring alvar down and blinds him to other possibilities. also, that's why he's so mad at sophie because of the storehouse fire, because that's categorized as "bad" by his ocd, and he can't get it out of his head, and it terrifies him. maybe if he tells sophie, it'll leave? so that's what he's compelled to do. he thought he was just giving good advice but it backfires, hard. and his obsession with being a vacker, because elvin society sees being a vacker as the ultimate goodness. fitz wants so badly to cling to that pure image of himself so he can forget his darker side. he wants so badly to believe that he'll do the right thing, all the time, just because he's a vacker. because the other option is that he could possibly be in the wrong and that thought could lead to an obsession cycle where he's then compelled to do something even more "moral" to stop it.

also the fact that he's a telepath, an ability where you read others' minds, adds to his fear. he's seen so many "normal" people's minds, including sophie's and keefe's, and they don't have these sorts of thoughts the way he does??? does that mean he's destined to be bad? so he fights it even harder, but it just gets worse and worse. his moral and harm ocd also build up on each other, as his violent intrusive thoughts (harm ocd) causes him to have more thoughts about how morally impure he is (moral ocd) and it all just builds and builds.

anyway. i'm normal about ocd fitz. as you can see.

personally, i don't really see fitz with autism or npd. as for bpd, i think it has some merit, but i honestly haven't thought about it all that much. so, i guess my final answer is probably fitz with moral and harm ocd, and possibly bpd.