#firstly the label on those sweatpants

[maximura]

[alwaysmychoices]

This is the embarrassingly long rant on my favourite passages attached with a few questions.

A Weekend with Dr. Ramsey 

Unspoken

Tonight, under the soft moonlight glow, Ethan didn’t look like the confident doctor she’d met in Edenbrook. Concern etched itself into his handsome features, and a lingering air of defeat and disappointment followed him like a cruel haunting.

For me, this passage is a trigger. Ethan definitely cares for Charlie and he would bulldoze the town looking for her when she’s drunk and alone in a bar. But he would refuse to act on his feelings when she’s sober. But the realisation that Raf or Bryce might think differently strikes him and sets into motion a series of incidents that culminate in the chapter "Blind Date". How strategic was Naveen's plan to bring up Bryce?

Goodbye

This was the last time he would have Charlotte Greene in his bed. He wouldn’t wake up again to her wild, blonde curls in his face...

...

“Stay the night,” he whispered. He couldn’t let her go now…

I love him.

The realization hit Charlie with enough force to knock her down. And then the tears came, and the desperation was complete.

Charlie Greene loved Ethan Ramsey, and she had already lost him.

...

She wouldn’t… he tried to calm himself as he moved back to the bedroom. She must have gotten dressed and gotten coffee or something. Surely, she would be back. She wouldn’t have gone without a goodbye, and this couldn’t end with a midnight dash out of his apartment. It was too meaningful. It deserved a proper send-off, a proper discussion.

But Ethan didn’t have to look for an answer for long.

...

He never left Charlie because she left him first.

To be very honest, this chapter did things to me that I was not prepared for. I had to take a break before I came back, reread it and wondered if I could accept it. It hurt me, it reminded me of incidents that I didn’t even know I still carried in my heart. The fact that Charlie, and not Ethan left first, jolted me into the realisation that unlike PB’s conclusion, you just don’t go back to being an attending and an intern after that. But now I believe, that was necessary. They had to grow as people. How difficult was the decision to make her leave on your part (especially when the canon provided an easier alternative)?

With and Without

Blind Date

Once his eyes landed on her, he couldn’t tear them away. He’d seen Charlie at varying states, some more vulnerable or confident than others. He knew her worst and best. She was never more beautiful than she was peacefully asleep on his bed, but surely, this came close.

But she wasn’t made up for him.

Could I assume that this chapter is the fulcrum on which the series rests? I think it is the culmination of the reactions elicited for the first time in Ethan in “Unspoken”.  Further, the story could have gone very differently at two points- firstly, when Ethan decided to join Baz and secondly, when Charlie decided to leave her date to take care of Ethan. Their choices, especially Charlie’s in the end, established that they were too far gone to return at this point.

Ethan shook his head, “She doesn’t want to be around me. I hurt her. I meant to hurt her. I want her to find better than me.” His voice wavered, thick with emotion.

“She misses you, too,” Charlie professed breathlessly, suddenly aware of every missing piece she’d been looking for with David.

She missed Ethan. She’d missed Ethan from the moment she lost him in the spring.

I cannot even begin to explain how beautifully sad this was!

Hangover Cure

Charlie was lounging comfortably on the couch, Jenner draped across her lap as she scrolled through menus on her smartphone. Her hair was piled on top of her head in a haphazard bun in stark contrast to the sleek, sophisticated dress that hugged her frame. Ethan realized, with a deep sigh of relief, that he was the one who got to see her like this, not the one who had touched her knee at the bar last night.

...

They neared the end of the season when Charlie’s eyes grew heavy, and Ethan watched her squirm out of the corner of his eye as she tried to stay awake. When Jenner joined them on the couch and cuddled into Charlie, any hope of evading a nap was lost.

I love domestic scenes of Ethan and MC. But what you did here is exceptional. I think you have turned Ethan’s apartment into this sanctuary, where they can be everything they want to. Primal, elemental, unbridled and honest.

“You’ve been wearing that dress since 8 pm last night. You deserve a change of clothes, Charlie,” Ethan was as he sat on the edge of the couch, massaging his temple as if giving little thought to the act.

...

Maybe that’s what made the gesture so startling.

...

It was ridiculous that she was so moved. She’d left David in the cold last night just to make sure Ethan was alright, and after dragging him home, she’d stayed with him as he stumbled and vomited. She’d waited all night, in fact. In contrast, he offered her a pair of sweatpants.

But there was a sense of familiarity and intimacy that she hadn’t expected.

She’d only worn his clothes after having sex with him. Now, she got to wear them just because he was worried about her comfort.  

I know you ease into angst right after that. That isn't fluff in its conventional sense. And you maintain that you generally don't write fluff. But those lines just warmed my heart in ways I cannot explain. How do you do this?

“I’m sorry you had to leave your date to take care of me,” Ethan may have hated that she was having a good time with someone else, but he did regret ruining it. He didn’t dare tell her why he’d been so reckless at the pub, but deep down, he suspected that she knew that it was his jealousy.

...

“I didn’t have to,” Charlie chuckled softly, much to Ethan’s surprise...

...

“I went because…” Charlie stopped herself before she could say something regrettable. He noted the abrupt stop and waited with bated breath before she explained, “I came to get you because I care about you, and I was worried. I wasn’t running from a bad date or forced to see you. I decided to go.”

I know from experience it’s the absolute opposite of easy to be in a relationship without label. This scene is them treading that path, without even knowing that they are already doing it. “They didn’t need to explain what they were doing or why they were there. They just let it happen.”

After Hours

I (literally) love every sentence in this chapter.

There was a profound, blissful moment of clarity where Charlie suddenly understood that this had been inevitable. This kiss – as surprising as it felt – had been coming on from the moment she picked him over David. It had been written in stone the second she made the decision to stay with him, and their bumbling attempts at friendship had been merely a stepping stone.

One more reason I felt “Blind Date” is the fulcrum of this entire series. I would love to know if you think differently. Do you think David had any remote chance for even a couple of dates?

“The ethical and professional dilemmas are not lost on me, but I want you more than I want to be right. We can’t be open about it with the people around us, but I want a relationship with you, Charlie.”

Finally we have the manifestation of the growth that has been taking place. A few months ago, he would have been apologetic, if not already buying his ticket to a different continent. It has been difficult, it has been messy, and yet he is finally there, which is what matters. 

His thumbprints marked her body and mind, and his constant presence in her mind morphed him into a fantastical beast – elusive and distant. She manipulated the image in her mind, painting him as a hero and a villain, but just before she could be convinced of either, the mirage slipped away to her barebone memories of tender smiles as he pulled her close and apologetic eyes as he distanced himself.

This was “chef’s kiss”. It was like something out of an Anna Karenina or a Wuthering Heights. Would love to hear your thoughts on this passage. 

Further, the scenes in the hospital, where Charlie constantly avoided Ethan, unfold before me as unending passages and hallways, almost like the long takes in some of my favourite movies. It added to the indecision in Charlie’s mind and the endless interlude in Ethan’s.

Ethan stood in a state of shock, all of the hopeful warmth replaced with the bone-chilling absence of it. He failed to comprehend the devastation he felt, running just as she did back into his head.

I knew it wasn’t the end. And I also knew it shattered my heart into a million pieces, just as when Charlie has left in “Goodbye”. However,  completely understand Charlie’s fears and vacillation.

Crying in the Rain

Loving Ethan was inescapable.

She’d fallen in love with him a million little times over hundreds of days, and despite her best attempts, she was always just a little more in love with him. He was an unreal figure in her world, so shrouded in her own folklore of him that every peak of him being a real, vulnerable human being only endeared him more to her.

...

The starry-eyed, ambitious student reading his textbooks couldn’t have imagined that, with every small choice she made in his favor, she would tie herself irrevocably to her hero.

This is so beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. It has the tone of an old world romance where the knight must inevitably have his heart broken by that ideal woman. Here we have a reversal in the trope.

“You are a risk. I’m terrified of getting hurt. When we ended last time, I was devastated. I cried for days and spent weeks trying to feel okay again, and that was after just one weekend,” Charlie’s words tumbled out of her mouth, rushed and eager. She felt like she needed to tell him everything, like unburdening herself and her insecurities was the only way forward, “I went on a date with someone and spent the rest of my night taking care of you just because I would rather be with a sick, drunk you than anyone else. I keep telling myself to stay away from you, but I always end up at your front door.”

...

“When I actually almost lost you, I was so devastated that I wasn’t afraid anymore,” Charlie confessed, “I understand if you changed your mind,” she added with a crack in her voice because, really, she didn’t understand.

I don’t think I have to even explain the inclusion of this in my list of favourite passages. As this scene unfolded, I was tense, euphoric, I was Ethan and Charlie at the same time. 

I really appreciate this chapter and the one before for how you have held your readers’ attention throughout. I gobbled them up first and then came back to savour them. And yet, never for once did I find them dreary.  I think these were your best in this series.

And I have one last question. Who do you relate with the most (Charlie or Ethan) when you speak of their fears and dilemmas? I mean, is it even possible to choose one?

No, no, no – it is absolutely not embarrassing. If anything, my excitement for getting this was embarrassing.

I’m going to be honest. You actually picked up narrative elements I hadn’t really paid attention to in the aggregate, so I had to think about them and really appreciate the work as a whole (which I rarely do when I’m writing chapter by chapter). I ended up rereading some chapters to refamiliarize myself and put myself back in that headspace, and that was super fun.

So, for your first question about “Unspoken,” Naveen certainly didn’t anticipate inadvertently starting an on-and-off again love affair, but he absolutely intended to rile Ethan up. Naveen is very observant, so when Ethan and Charlie were secretly treating him, he noticed a lot about the pair. In my mind, he was the first to think they were compatible and the first to realize their relationship had the potential to be meaningful and long-lasting.

When I wrote A Weekend with Dr. Ramsey, I did not plan on writing With and Without. Towards the end, I had ideas, but the storyline was so jumbled that I wasn’t sure if I would take on such a long, ambitious project. Instead, I thought I would publish those individual ideas as their own work that formed a semi-series. So, while Ethan’s jealousy triggered his behavior in WaW, it wasn’t necessarily my intention.

However, Ethan realizing that Charlie had other romantic options sparked their relationship because Ethan suddenly realized that this thing he had with Charlie wasn’t safe. Up until that time, their relationship had limits almost entirely set by him, and it was well in his comfort zone. There were blips like Miami, but overall, Ethan controlled that part of him that wanted more of Charlie.

But really, their relationship didn’t make sense. They were too comfortable, too familiar, and frankly too connected for mere coworkers. They spent a lot of time behaving like they had a romantic relationship only to snap out of it and remember they were “platonic.” Unconsciously, they were committed to each other, and there was comfort in mutual pining. So, when Ethan realized that Charlie wasn’t on the same page as him and could replace their relationship with a real romantic partnership, things changed. The illusion that Charlie would remain stagnant with him shattered.

First, he had to acknowledge that he hated learning that Charlie had other suitors, and if he did that, he had to acknowledge that he hated them because he wanted to be them. That breaking of barriers allowed them to investigate their relationship and act on repressed feelings, which they’re still doing 24 chapters later.

 Now, for the ending of A Weekend with Dr. Ramsey, I never really considered any other ending for several reasons. Firstly, I knew that the relationship had to end because, while Ethan had grown, he hadn’t grown to a point where he could accept a relationship with Charlie and work at Edenbrook. If Naveen hadn’t survived, I think they could have made it work. Ethan wouldn’t have gone back to work as quickly, and they would have had more time to figure out where they stood. But Ethan would have always gone back to work, and there would always be a strain because of that. At the end of A Weekend with Dr. Ramsey, Charlie was not enough to stop him, and she knew that.

That brings me to my second reason which is that I just didn’t think they could have a casual ending. Don’t get me wrong, I love the angst of Book 1’s ending, but in canon, they had one night together knowing they had a time limit. It was a very different situation. In A Weekend with Dr. Ramsey, they were at the start of a relationship without an expiration date. They were romantic and hopeful, and then it was ripped away. And notably, it was ripped away by Ethan. Charlie couldn’t just blame fate because she watched Ethan make that decision.

Both characters were in pain, but they experienced it very differently. Ethan made the choice, and though he expressed self-hatred, he didn’t really consider staying. For him, their last night is bittersweet but necessary, and he asked Charlie to stay the night so that he could get closure and mark the significance of their relationship. But Charlie didn’t make this decision. She wanted to stay together. Exchanging awkward, sad goodbyes in the morning would have been extremely painful. They couldn’t both get what they wanted or needed from their breakup, and Charlie got to pick because she acted first. This was vaguely hinted to earlier in the series when Ethan promised her that he wouldn’t leave.

Ultimately, I think it’s the lack of closure that prompted the follow-up series. If they had mutually agreed to end things, Charlie wouldn’t have gone to him on the night of “Just Tonight.” There’s also a lot of unresolved pain and distrust because of that night, which Charlie and Ethan haven’t touched yet. Now that we know that Ethan’s mom left him at a very young age, there’s a new dynamic to Charlie leaving that I didn’t even consider at the time but hope to bring up later.

 100%, without “Blind Date,” the rest of the series could not have happened. Now that I’m writing it out, I see that Ethan only knows how to act when what he wants is threatened. “Drinking Games” established that Charlie and Ethan couldn’t go back to the relationship they had Pre-A Weekend with Dr. Ramsey. It only took one night as friends to put them back in danger. When Ethan decided to push Charlie away in “Midnight Call,” they had to live without each other again (which they both hated). Charlie doesn’t have Ethan’s skill for wallowing in longing and disappointment, so she had to do something.

David certainly had the potential for a handful dates – maybe more if she was determined enough. But no, he would never be comparable to Ethan. If Ethan ever found out, he would have been just as hurt as in “Blind Date,” but it still would have taken another catalyst to actually push him to Charlie. Truthfully, I think it would have happened. I think Charlie and Ethan were constantly escalating their behavior, and at some point, they would reach a point where they had to try again or had to sever ties.

Coming into this, I knew that there was a problem with the pattern of Charlie always trying for him and Ethan not being in a place where he could try, too. That wasn’t sustainable, and if they started another relationship in that state, an epic meltdown would follow. Ethan had to reach a point where he was capable of taking the risk, and a lot of that growth happened in “Blind Date” and “Hangover Cure.”

 I’m really happy you noticed that they’re so free and happy in Ethan’s apartment. Especially in the next few chapters, that will be even more prominent. Domestic/borderline fluff (because, if I try fluff, it just gets sad in the next paragraph) is so much fun to write, and I’m excited to touch on that more.

 Also, yes, I don’t even think I know how to explain Ethan and Charlie’s relationship. At that point, they were in a very messy, complicated and unlabeled relationship. Early on, Charlie’s friends warned her against pursuing Ethan again, and I would do the exact same thing. But there was no way Ethan or Charlie would ever stay away from each other permanently.

 For your last question, I relate to both, but if it had to be one, I would relate most to Charlie. She leans much more into the anxiety and complexities of her problems, which I do as well. She feels them very intensely whereas, to some extent, Ethan’s monologues are a bit more removed. Even when he’s making devastating decisions, he separates his duty from his emotions, and he decides which of the two to act on. He also has a penchant for blaming himself, which is something I’m trying to stop doing. Like Ethan, I have a tendency to remove myself from situations when I feel I’m going to make a mistake or am afraid of intimacy/rejection/etc. But most notably, they both keep those fears and dilemmas inside (I’m very guilty of doing that), and that’s what they have to change. When I’m writing Charlie, I like to use stream of consciousness and tap into anxiety. I pay much more attention to the physical/emotional reactions of a thought or action, but for Ethan, it’s more thoughtful and retrospective. Charlie’s reactions are the ones I have in the moment, but Ethan is who I am when I am mulling over something later or have to compartmentalize and function in a painful moment.  

 I love all the passages you picked out! I actually ended up putting one of them on my whiteboard above my desk because I remembered how much I liked it. A few times, I read them and genuinely thought, “I wrote that???” I’m sorry that this response is so long, but once I started, I couldn’t stop myself. I actually had a lot of fun doing this, and I think stopping to appreciate the work in its entirety helps me plan for its future. If you have any other questions or anything, feel free to reach out again!

[itspookiepopblog]

At the ripe old age of 24, I still haven’t mastered the art of growing facial hair. I get whiskers above my top lip, the occasional bit of fluff on my chin and faded mutton chops. It’s not a great look, although some people can pull off the small amount of facial hair, I am not one one of those people.

I look less like this…

and more like this…

So even though I don’t have a fully-fledged man-beard that all the girls get excited over, I still need to shave even more than the average guy. Guys can pull off the cool, bearded look, guys cannot pull off the creepy paedo-tache look.

As a student, I’ve had an extremely busy few days spending the vast majority of my time in a library, generally not looking after my appearance.  I honestly spent 99.99999% of my time wearing an XXXXL sweatshirt, sweatpants and a beanie for my hair. It was only when I looked in the mirror and noticed that I was sporting a horrific paedo-tache that would have made Adam Johnson proud, I realised it is time to shave before I get arrested.

Disgusting, right? Luckily subscription-based shaving brand, Cornerstone came to the rescue and sent me out a box so I could at least look like an approachable human being, thanks, Cornerstone!

I had to prepare firstly by using the pre-face scrub, this scrub helps release any ingrown hairs, reduces shaving spots, unblock pores and lift dead skin cells for smoother, clearer skin. Also, it’s a really cement-like grey colour which is incredibly amusing as some of you would have noticed by my Snapchat (“ThePookiepop” if you’re looking for it).  It didn’t smell that great in comparison to the other the shaving gel and the post-shave balm, I’m not going to lie but afterwards, my skin felt incredible, so clear!

My next step was to finally shave – with my personally-engraved razor. For anybody who has ever lived in student halls or shared a flat with strangers it’s always recommended to label your items with your name on it – and now I have a razor with my initials on it.

I applied my shaving gel, it was like green goo and looked like a booger but it smelled amazing! Usually, shaving gel/foam smells just like soap or quite musky but this was made up of Eucalyptus oil with ginger extract. If it wasn’t filled with non-edible toxins I would have been smearing that on some toast!

I then picked up the razor and the first thing I noticed – apart from my beautiful initials – was how flexible the head was. Usually, razors have a such a firm head so when you’re shaving, it makes it more difficult to shave down your jawline without angling your wrist. With this razor, you can shave down your jawline and with its flexible head, it shaves without having to change the motion in your wrist. It really is the simple things in life.

After my shave, I glanced up into the mirror and I was a changed man, but I was not finished just yet. I still had to use my post-shave balm, mint and honey? Yes, please! It really was as good as it sounds, it smelled even better than the gel and that’s saying something. Apart from the wondrous scent that was floating up my nostrils like a freshly-baked, Disney pie, the actual quality of the product was incredible. It was like a really good moisturiser that hydrated my skin without making it look oily and also reduces any post-shaving redness.

Everyone feels better when they take care of their appearance and I’m no different. A good, quality shave can make you feel so much better about yourself and that’s what you get with Cornerstone. The best thing about it is how affordable and convenient it is, through the subscription service as a non-regular shaver I would receive a box every 18 weeks containing:

Pre-Shave face scrub – £5

Shave gel/Foam – £6

6 Razor blades – £14

Post-shave balm – £5

Total = £30

and you can design your box to what suits your own needs. I’m definitely a fan of the product and I recommend it to any other guys who don’t want to spend over the odds on shaving products but still want to use quality products.

Conclusion

The products are of a great quality, the razor isn’t heavy and the head is flexible. The pre-shave scrub is great for cleansing pores, the gel isn’t overly soapy and messy and the post-face balm is incredibly soothing.

We always hear horror stories with regards to subscriptions and I am the probably the most sceptical person when it comes to subscribing because it can be a nightmare to leave. However, with Cornerstone, there’s no commitment and you can cancel at any point making it all about the customer. You design your own box, you arrange when you want it delivered, you arrange when you want to pause your subscription, it’s all completely on the customer’s terms which helped put me at ease. If I didn’t believe in the subscription service, I wouldn’t recommend it.

I recommend you should at the very least sign up for this product and at least try it once, if you don’t like a certain product, you can remove it from the subscription. For the price of it, there’s no harm in at least giving it a try.

  Jay Carrington

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Cornerstone Review At the ripe old age of 24, I still haven't mastered the art of growing facial hair.