#first time officially writing Nikki what can go wrong....

[namelessbutters-doodles]

How Hungry? 18+ Mdni

Characters: Nikki Sixx, Paul Stanley, etc.

Pairing: Starterror

Setting: Biker au!

Summary: ‘’Aw, what’s wrong princess? Mad that i stopped fucking you like the dirty little bitch you are~?’’ Nikki whispered, huskily. Teasing the young man before him who’s arching his back while on his hands and knees, presenting his gaping asshole that’s clenching on nothing but the phantom feeling of Nikki’s cock that was in him minutes before he slipped out and proceeded to tease the star with words that made Paul a blushy and slutty mess of himself in front of him so shameless that…

It was a good thing Nikki was recording everything. 

__________

⚠️Warnings: Dom/sub, Spanking, Hair yank, swearing, anal sex, anal gaping, degradation, teasing, dirty talk, rough sex, Recording, cameras, blowjobs, rimming (a little), Paul being a little brat, tattoos, ball torture, piercings, the daddy kink is strong in this one, back shots implied, ownership kink? I think XD, ask to tag, etc.

Comments and Reblogs, are Deeply Appreciated!

AlsoonA03! ♥

‘’Aw, what’s wrong princess? Mad that i stopped fucking you like the dirty little bitch you are~?’’ Nikki whispered, huskily. Teasing the young man before him who’s arching his back while on his hands and knees, presenting his gaping asshole that’s clenching on nothing but the phantom feeling of Nikki’s cock that was in him minutes before he slipped out and proceeded to tease the star with words that made Paul a blushy and slutty mess of himself in front of him so shameless that…

It was a good thing Nikki was recording everything. 

Holding the camera with just one hand while the other held Paul down by the neck, getting the perfect and….unholiest of angles that will make a nun faint just from the sounds alone or the image of Paul getting his back blown by the baddest biker all around who’s swaying his hell of a girthy cock against his thigh teasingly, touching the sweaty and stick skin enough he shivered tremendously. Pushing his head against the pillow to hide that face of his that he knows Nikki would love to see and go mad with just one look that will surely….

Make him see stars like no other.

Stars like the ones up in the sky at night or the one that’s….

Tattooed above Paul’s plump, red and juicy ass cheeks that the camera is currently focused on while Nikki leans down and on Paul’s back, grinning and humming widely with mischievousness enough that Paul gulped with nervousness not knowing what’s Nikki is planning as he felt the man’s thumb deeply pressed into his neck, lightly massaging the skin in circles slowly and thoroughly as….

He felt air being blown in his ear, making him tremble under the man’s mighty hold with those hands that are painted to the brim with such tattoos they can be memorizing and irresistible with clothes or no clothes at all, either way it was hypnotic like Nikki’s voice as those lips opened and Paul’s eyes…

Widened. 

‘’Baby, are you mad at me?’’ Nikki chuckled, nearing his lips closer. Breathing his hot and illustrious breath, smacking his lips against each other while he trailed his pierced tongue along his lips, feeling the follicles of his beard intently. Staring at the half of Paul’s face, looking at the ear that was covered in strands of air that was covered in strands that almost made it impossible for Paul to hear but never impossible for Nikki at all as he….

‘’Look at your daddy, princess. Or i’ll stop fucking you and leave you here with nothing but the ache in your loins while daddy will just sit here and….watch and….’’

He giggled, Paul moved slightly.

‘’Ignore you.’’ 

A breath of air came out, Nikki grinned.

‘’Y-y-ou wouldn’t it.’’ 

‘’I Would.’’ Nikki chuckled, showing off that smirk of his. Bringing up the camera to Paul’s face that showed off those beautiful doe browns of his that reminded Nikki so much of the precious jewels, diamonds, animals he had seen throughout his travels on his motorcycle that left him so starstruck and so astonishing enough that out of all them, Paul beats all of them and will always stand out the most with those dashing curls that complimented his browns gorgeously along with a recent highlight that made him stand out and Nikki’s heart beat harder when he laid his eyes on it like succulent those lips that perfectly form a pout of the gods and can suck really really really good.

And a body that was just enough for nikki to hold, comfort and fuck with when they both needed each other after months of being away on separated businesses so much they fuck each other immediately then talk later with no pent up feelings involved which leads to nights…..

Like this.

‘’Nikki, you wouldn’t leave me like this….’’  Paul goes, his eyebrow narrowing. Face twisting up with an expression secretly, his face still deep into the pillows, his fingers tangled up into the sheets, shaking his ass little by little like a whore, trying so hard not to beg or break from just the thought of Nikki leaving him like this.

Naked, hard and…

Horny.

So fucking horny, it was unbearable.

‘’Oh, I would sweetheart. I would.���’ He proclaims, his dominant voice coming out from deep within him, sending shivers down Paul’s spine.

‘You wouldn’t….would you?’’ 

Paul asked, turning half of his face towards Nikki. Eyeing him carefully with those browns that are shaking as Nikki stared back at him with nothing but that smile that Paul secretly loved and those green eyes that are as strikingly beautiful like the ones he has while they stared at each other and slowly breathed out some air while the clock ticked down and the whole city turned on all over lights exactly as Nikki went closer….

Like the clouds going by the moon, the planes and helicopters up in the sky surrounded by the stars and the comfort of the moon towering over them with its presence as it was starting to rain heavily as He spoke…. 

With seriousness in his tone.

‘’I would, you think i’m playing with you sunshine?’’ 

‘’You always play with me yet you will never leave me hungry like this.’’

‘’How hungry, hmm? How~?’’ Nikki asked, tilting his head.

‘’How what?’’ 

‘’How hungry are you for daddy’s cock to blow you away?’’ he asked, Paul whined.

Turning his face away, Paul planted his face into the pillows again.

Hiding from the world as…

The camera goes closer, waiting in anticipation as Paul didn’t want to answer. Deeply not wanting to give in to the question that Nikki dared to ask, a question Paul knows if he says anything to the question, he’ll be embarrassed about it for a week and a half due to what’s going to happen after between them…..

Something hot, heavy, sweaty and….

Downright graphic.

The answer wouldn’t ruin anything between them, it would just….

Egged both of them on to the extreme and…..

They both knew this yet….

They loved it, like it was some drug…

A drug that….

Makes everything so worth it.

‘’Paulie~?’’ 

‘’Whaaaaatttt….’’ Paul sassed, Nikki chuckled.

‘’How hungry are you for Me?’’

‘’Mmhmh….’’ Paul whined.

‘’How hungry are you for daddy to rip and tear up your asshole an new one?’’ 

Nikki breathed out, Paul moved his ass a little. Rubbing his thighs together, his cock hard as wood.

‘’How hungry are you for daddy to shove his fist in that sweet ass and pound your guts violently until you scream so much your throat bleeds and your insides become so mushy it's like butter?’’ 

‘’mmmm…Nikki…’’ 

‘’How much do you want me to make your ass run white with my cum and be sore? How much, hmm? How much….”

His voice goes deep, setting the phone down on the headframe of the bed in the middle where handcuffs, a gag  were on the right and a bottle of lube on the left, perfectly preparing for the gorgeous of all time to come as his hands move silently from Paul’s neck, into those curls of his. Gripping the hair between his fingers. Hearing a moan creep from his lover's lips, pulling him by the hair….

Making him look at him like just some object, seeing Paul’s face that was red as cherry. Staring at him predatorily with those eyes of his, green against browns…

Hand in hair, pouty lips….

Heart racing while the other slows…

Cock so hard it hurts….

Needy face against a….

Dominant face.

‘’You want me…’’

‘’Nikki….’’

‘’The baddest biker all around to…’’

He yanks, Paul moans.

‘’To ride you like a….’

He spanks, Paul yelps.

‘’Motherfucking beast? How much, baby?’’ Nikki questioned, huskily. Yanking Paul’s hair with a grip, he yanked and smacked his ass red. Leaving a perfect handprint behind as he questioned and played Paul more like a fiddle.

Turning that ass even more redder, groaning when Paul moaned loudly from the hits and yanks, rendering into a slutty mess of himself, watching those expressive facial reactions that were hilarious yet arousing to see as that mouth made such vibrant music it brought enjoyment to Nikki’s ears and cock.

Making those moans echoed loudly throughout the room and possible the whole apartment overall but Nikki didn’t give a fuck.

Not one bit.

As the smacks and yanking became more aggressive, the moans became louder and Paul began to stutter out some words that were inconceivable. Nikki proceeded to grab Paul by the balls and squeeze them hard enough the young man started to cry out like a symphony. Twirling them in his hands, pushing his fingers down into that sensitive and soft skin of his, slapping his cock more than twice.

Making hand motions that almost touched the cock, leaving a slight feeling behind as he left touches all over Paul’s groin even precum leaked out from the tip. He roughly squeezed them and chuckled as Paul squeezed his thighs together but no Nikki spread them away and moved fastly under him…

Planting his face underneath the cock, his hands are now on each side of his ass.

Smiling devilishly, he opened his mouth as….

Paul groaned and whimpered…

‘’Do you have a question for daddy now?’’’ Nikki asked, pushing Paul groin down almost into his face, his dick nearly an inch away as Paul hitches his breath. Wiping the tears away and embarrassment very clear in his face while shivers from the hits and yanks Nikki brought on to him that left him sniffling and shriveled. Sweat dripped down Paul’s face, his curls were a mess like his face as he glanced at Nikki.

His lips wobbling, he spoke….a bit shaky.

‘’N-no…’’

‘’Then, think of one.’’

‘’I c-cant…’’

‘’Yes, you can. Don’t lie~.’’ 

‘’I’m not-Oh!’’ 

‘’Yes, you can. Don’t be a brat~.’’ Nikki cooed, taking the head of Paul’s cock into his mouth. Sucking on it while he controlled Paul’s hips with his hands. Moving him up and down with ease, deepthroating that love gun of his. Swirling and running his pierced tongue through the lines of veins that were protruding out from Paul’s cock, beating against Nikki’s tongue as he licked and slurped.

Smothering himself with Paul’s balls, licking and breathing in the hairiness of them alongside his beard. Paul squealed and squealed, the loudness of his moans intensifying as Nikki worked him to the bone, clenching those lips around his cock. Hollowing his cheeks out, he swallowed the sweat and precum down his throat while sucked off Paul roughly like some toy as Nikki made succulent sounds that made Paul groaned and whimpered. 

His face scrunching up in pleasure, the ache in him were almost consumed by the flames that growing in numbers he tried fucking Nikki’s mouth with his strength but Nikki didn’t allow him as he pulled out up all the way to the tip, kissing and lathering his across the head of the cock, his piercing gliding all the way against the urethral hole. Making him jolt from the feeling of metal touching the hole for a sec as the tongue circled and circled.

‘’Nice try, sugar. Nice try~.’’ Nikki sang, lovingly. Going down once again on Paul and taking him into the threshold of his mouth again, licking all the way down and up. Bobbing his head up and down, giving those balls a quick tug as his hand went somewhere else. Trailing and dancing around the sides of Paul’s skin like it was a dance, walking seductively in a line as it made it’s to Paul’s ass.

Going to the rim, lightly grazing it.

His finger was inching away from the hole.

The hole that was still gaping and clenching on nothing but air.

Struggling to go back to normal as the pleasure from Nikki intensified, Paul’s brain struggled to say anything while he fastly breathed into the pillow. Dripping heavily with sweat, biting his lips.

Eyes are shut tightly, the finger traces around his hole….

Almost nearly going in with those rings, he breathed deeply once more….

His cock was getting sucked harder, the tongue was all over his cock….

Balls were swelling…

The ache within was becoming more unbearable….

It was….

Too much…

Too much…

Too Fucking Much.

That….

‘’Daddy…’’

He…

‘’Please…stop…’’

Had a answer.

‘’What is it, Doll?’’ Nikki asked, pulling off Paul's dripping cock. His face lathered in saliva and precum, looking up at Paul who’s glancing down at him.

‘’You have a answer?’’

Paul nods, Nikki grins.

‘’You do? Tell me then.’’ 

‘’A-alright…’’ He stutters, taking a breath. Composing himself as Nikki moves himself away as he kneels on the bed, staring directly as Paul turns himself around, laying on his back as he laid beautifully, spreading his legs all the way until he couldn’t, breathing out so much it was too much for him as he tilted his head to the side. Not breaking eye contact, his hands shaking as one stopped at his nipples and the other spread his hole wider, twitching still as he spread with no shame in his look.

His chest hair was all frazzled, nipples were peaked up as he twisted it with his fingers, Nikki grunted.

Pumping his cock while he stared at such a beautiful display of shamelessness, he was lucky that the camera was still recording and lucky that…

Paul has an answer to his question, to…

Daddy’s question.

‘’You ready to hear me?’’ Paul questioned, groaning. Pinching his nipple, letting out a low moan.

‘’I’m all ears.’’ 

‘’Alright then…’’ Paul swallowed, squeezing the tip.

Nikki pumped, he groaned.

Paul moaned, he spoked….

‘’I do want you.’’

Nikki's hand went up and down, biting his lip.

‘’Want you to tear my asshole up, make me sore and leak with cum….’’

He breathed out, Nikki growled…

‘’To shove your fist into me, turning me inside out….’’

‘’Treat me like i’m nothing but the bike you ride…’’

‘’Make me scream until i bleed with nothing but the blood in my throat….’’

Their sweaty and hot breaths grew louder….

Nikki’s cock hardened, stiffening in his hold as he jerked harder….

‘’Churn my insides like butter….’’

‘’Make me fully know over and over again that i….’’ Paul goes, Nikki’s eyes widened.

‘’That you…’’ Nikki goes…

‘’Belong to you.’’ Paul proclaims, setting the fire off in Nikki as he lightly picks up the camera and zooms in on Nikki’s face.

‘’Crave you…won't crave anyone but you…’’ He confessed, shivering. 

‘’Like i’m addicted to you, it’s like a drug and i love it like how i love always being…’’ He breathes, Nikki crawls towards Paul with a look that sends arousal throughout Paul’s body. His heart racing as Nikki goes on him, the bed creaking as he gets into a perfect position as he looks down at Paul with those green eyes that reflected in Paul’s beautifully like it was the most rarest diamond in the world.

His hands on each side of his face, both of them breathing as Nikki leans down.

Within an inch from touching those lips…

Those…delicious lips….

His lips.

That rightly belonged to him as Paul opened those lips with a needy and submissive look in his face….

‘’Hungry for you…so hungry that i-i-i…’’ 

Nikki hand gently caressed his face, gently trailing across the lips. One of his rings almost making a scratch into the skin accidentally as he slid his finger down onto Paul’s chin, tilting him as Paul hitches his breath from his touch as Nikki went in and laid on his shoulder.

‘’Can’t…’’

His tongue comes out, his cock rubs Paul’s entrance….

‘’Always be full….’’

Paul wraps his legs around Nikki’s waist….

‘’Without someone…’’

Nikki licks, Paul sharply moans….

‘’L-like…’’

Nikki takes Paul’s hand, the camera drops on the side….

Getting a full clear view.

‘’You.’’ 

‘’Someone Like me?’’

‘’Yes, you Nikki.’’

‘’And is that the final answer, my sweet princess~?’’ Nikki questioned, smiling as Paul nodded. Wrapping his arms around Nikki’s neck, feeling the tip of the cock teased his entrance little by little as his lover nipped and licked his neck passionately with such elegance as he could, leaning into those kisses while he tilted his head. Sharply moaning out as Nikki’s hand went down and were planted underneath Paul’s red rump.

Firmly holding them as he took the skin between his teeth, marking them deep with his teeth. Tearing and shredding the skin enough it’ll leave a big bruise behind so everyone would firmly know that his lover is his and his only, caging the skin around with his lips. His tongue lapped at the blood that was starting to sprout and pour out from the wound but no worries Daddy Doctor Sixx will make it all better once he put his Needle in and shoot out….

The medicine that will dull the ache inside his dearly beloved little slut. 

His slut. 

‘’Yes…Papa~.’’

‘’Good girl~.’’ Nikki complimented, pecking Paul’s cheek. Swaying his hips side to side, Teasing Paul’s hole gently before the storm as Nikki pecked and kissed his lover more on the neck as Paul mewled and groaned from the tongue that was all over his dick earlier. Tasting in some of his precum and getting turned on from the fact that his own cock has been in Nikki’s mouth, being used as nothing but a toy to his beloved lover.

He groaned and moaned as the pecks got more wilder and the bruises were becoming much more apparent as his lover’s tongue slid, lap, twirled, ghosted on him like he was nothing but a popsicle that was meant to be sucked and licked on, feverishly dripping with ecstasy as Nikki started mouth his ear. Biting the tip of the ear between his teeth, his tongue going into the ear hole.

Licking all around in the deep darkness, swirling and lathering his ear with so much drool it became coated in it as he kissed and suckled sweetly. Grunting even when he pulled out and bit the side of Paul’s neck. His teeth going into the skin once again as Paul moaned out his name on his lips….

‘’Now…Are you ready for your reward, sweetheart?’’ He questioned, whispering sexily to Paul’s ears. Leaving Paul’s neck as a line of blood came out on Nikki, staining his lips. Smearing it all over his face as they touched foreheads with each other, there eyes heavy and full with so much lust and love, there cocks were ready to explode and there feelings were about to explode if they don’t start fucking each other at this very moment as they pant and huff.

Both of their breaths intoxicating each other, smelling so fucking good it was exhilarating as it started to storm heavily outside. Thunder crackled and boomed loudly as the lovers took in each other for a short while, letting themselves calm and collecting themselves as three thunder strikes striked the window, the lovers noticed but….

They didn’t care, instead it enhanced the moment.

‘’Yes, I'm ready for my reward ... .What is it?’’ Paul questioned, laughing a little. Knowing what it is already, Nikki smirked as the light flickered in the room and the sound of Thunderstruck by Ac/Dc started to play loudly from the boombox nearby. Playing some of it very clearly that will definitely get the fucking rolling hard as it got louder from the thunder while Nikki looked down at Paul with a sexy look.

‘’You know already what the reward is.’’

‘’I know ... .but i want to hear you say it~.’’ Paul said, purring.

‘’What a naughty little thing you are~.’’ Nikki cooed, biting his lip.

‘’You’re naughty little thing.’’ 

‘’You bet your ass you are.’’ Nikki proclaimed, sliding his cock into Paul’s ass. Entering the fleshy threshold, being clenched already as the skin gets attached and sticks to his lover’s cock, audibly moaning from the penetration. The raw walls became sensitive as he started to thrust slowly and sensually inside, the ache becoming soothed from Nikki's cock as Paul arches his back, bending widely.

Breathily moaning, his nipples perking up as Nikki went down and licked around the nipple, licking up some of the hairs that shouldn’t be tasteful but it was and it was thrilling as he licked and licked until they were beat red and Paul was shaking in his arms, mewling from the incredible sensation as Nikki bit the tip of the nipple and roughly whispered….

‘’You Bet Your fucking ass you are.’’ 

Growling madly like a beast, he proceeded to slam and ram his cock inside his lover immediately and violently. Pounding at the spots, rummaging against the prostate as he licked and teethed all over Paul’s neck. His teeth sinking into various other parts of the skin, various spots started to bruise and bleed all over his neck. Forming some small to big hickeys that will take a long time to heal as he nippled and kissed them with such intensity it was electric.

His hands squeezed Paul’s rump tightly, he swung and smacked his balls deep inside of him creating a lovely sound of plap and claps in the process as he pounded his lover’s guts to the extreme, ruining his asshole with such nastiness it was much more than the porn they’ve always rented and watched together plus sometimes left onto feel like they were actually in a porno together, imagining everyone’s reactions and feelings if they ever saw the most goodest and innocent man ever getting his back blown out by the baddest biker all around as Paul wailed loudly.

Wailing so loud, he echoed throughout the room while the bed rocked back and forth. Following the song at the same time like it was dancing, Paul bounced on the cock as Nikki fucked him to the hell and back. Grinding into his ass, He pulled Paul into his lips immediately as soon Paul stopped his wailing and twitched back up to meet Nikki’s intoxicating gaze, being taken aback by the heated kiss, he leaned and moaned into Nikki’s mouth.

Their tongues lapping at one another, swirling around as they lathered each other in saliva. Paul’s tongue almost got stuck on the piercing a few times too due to the heated thus steamy kiss between them. Shaking from the piercing grazing his tongue, he almost pulled out but went back in as Nikki slammed into his prostate with a mighty force that made Paul gasp and screamed into his lover’s mouth, His lover chuckled and deepthroated his tongue as he fixed his position with his leg and pummeled that ass.

Striking the core multiple times as the thunder struck the window once again, more lights flickered while the sound of flesh smacking grew so violent the sweat on the bodies splashed and dribbled all over the sheets, staining them as the fire grew hot and hot with each thrust and movement as they snacked on each other lips.

Smothering and nipping at each other, they become swollen.

‘’You like that, you cunt?’’ Nikki heaved, pulling away. A line of saliva connecting both of their lips before falling and dissolving onto the sheets as he slammed his balls deeply. His fingers dug into Paul’s ass, spreading those cheeks more. Looking over Paul’s shoulder, seeing how Paul’s ass skin moved with his cock like it was a perfect fit, he rammed and dug deeper. ‘’You like my cock in you like this?’’

He groaned, thrusted upwards into the prostate. Paul hugged him tighter, crying out into him as Nikki teased and played with him. 

‘’You like being my little slut, You whore?’’ He chuckled, Panting. His cock twitching from the nastiest sounds that were coming from Paul as he stood up with Paul on the bed and fucked him while standing up, moving him like a puppet.

‘’Such a nasty fuck, are you daddy’s nasty fuck~?’’ Nikki teased, releasing a desperate pound onto Paul that brought out the most loudest scream ever known to man, echoing throughout the room even louder than the music.

‘’I take that as a yes.’’ 

He whispered , Paul sobbed.

This is going to be fun, Nikki thought as the sky from the outside….

Crackled with lightning.

As the thunder crackled and crackled, the two lovers got eve down and dirtier with each other as they swapped positions multiple times during there heaps of their lovemaking, grabbing and gripping each other’s hands as Paul’s prostate was smashed and battered to a complete mushy mess while Nikki continued to churn his guts inside out by holding him down, fucking him on the side of the bed, on top or bottom in ways that were all pleasurable in between as there tongues lapped around each other with both of mouths wide opened as sweat and drool on and off there bodies. 

Making some of Nikki’s tattoos on his body very oiled up and shiny as they press up against each other moaning like crazy as Paul pushed Nikki down on the bed. Rambling and mewling like crazy as he rode Nikki like he was a bike.

Bouncing and grinding on his dick with no care in the world, almost twisting and breaking as his dick flopped against his stomach. Smiling and loving the look on his lover’s face as he rode and maneuvered his dick around like a joystick, hearing those lovely grunts and moans coming out from his lover, he leaned down and breathed out in his face.

His sweat dripped into Nikki’s mouth.

‘’I fucking love your cock!’’

‘’I Know doll-Fuck!-i know-Shit!’’ Nikki swore, Paul came down on him in a painful yet satisfying way it made loud noise. ‘’I can always fucking tell, with your fucking ass.’’ He moaned, Paul mewled.

Moving his ass up and down, slamming the cock into his prostate.

‘’And i can tell you love watching my ass, don’t you?’’ Paul said, spreading his legs. Letting Nikki see everything, see that hairy trail that’s covering everything like a rainforest, those hairy balls bouncing up and down as Paul controls his cock with ease. Nikki licked his lips, panting from the wild ride Paul’s giving him as groaned as his tip smacked deep inside of his lover. Watching those nipples jump and down from the movements and those eyes that were staring him down as he felt hands on his chest, using him as a table.

Paul lifted himself up and down, the cock going in and out.

‘’Don’t youuuuu-Ohhh~?’’ He breathily moaned, shaking.

‘’I do sugar, i do.’’ Nikki answered, his dick twitching.

‘’You would just love to see my ass bounce on you, wouldn’t you?’’

‘’Oh i would, like the time i saw you bouncing on that ball i gifted you on your birthday~.’’ He chuckled, Paul blushed. Knowing and remembering exactly what he meant by those words as he slowly lifted himself up from Nikki’s cock.

‘’L-like that?’’ 

‘’Yes, Like that.’’ Nikki said, grabbing the camera as Paul turned around. The camera focused and zoomed in immediately as his ass was showing, flipping his hair over his shoulder. He gave his lover a playful yet pouty look as he squatted and positioned himself over his lover’s cock, the tattoo above his rump showing vividly on the camera as Nikki slapped those cheeks, watching them jiggled.

reflecting in his eyes as Paul spoke.

‘’You nasty dog, do you have a deathwish or somethin?’’ Paul said, secretly giggling.

‘’You know it girlie, when it involves you baby.’’ 

‘’Well then…..’’ Paul goes, gazing into those green eyes. Swaying his ass side to side, licking his lips. His ass shining beautifully under the light of the room, shining so much from the bruises and handprint that made it more enchanting as it was. Hovering over the cock, he breathed out.

‘’I hope you Enjoy this Ride.’’ 

He proclaimed, ramming down on Nikki’s cock so hard he moaned loudly. His cheeks clapped very loudly on Nikki as he rode him violently like a harley davidson, moving the cock deeper through his fleshy raw walls and into his prostate, abusing that cock and making his hole sore and beat red as he slammed and jackhammered on it like there was no tomorrow. 

Moaning out as he spread his legs and pounded deeper inside, Nikki struggled to hold the camera steady as Paul nearly knocked him off his feet. Working his dick to the bone, Nikki even whimpered as Paul slammed down harder, almost cumming in him but he held it like he held the camera with a strong grip as he quivered underneath his lover. Sweat brewed more on his forehead, sliding down on the side of his cheeks.

Hitching his breath, in awe at the site of Paul godly ass eating his dick down like it was a snack. Consuming greatly with that hole of his, eating those moans and groans along with it as Nikki heaved and mewled out his lover’s name, his heart racing while hair strands were stuck to his sweaty sweaty face. His beard hairs sticking up from how sweaty and how hot he was becoming the more he stared and recorded everything as his hand struggled to keep up.

‘’Ahhh fuck…keep going baby!’’ He moaned, throwing his backwards into the sheets as Paul kept going and going, feeling his body shake and quivered from the pounding he was doing himself, moving his hips alongside his ass. Standing up a little as he squatted, tilting himself as he fucked him more.

‘’God damn!’’

‘’Nikki!!!’’ 

‘’Keep going Paulie! Don’t STOP!’’ Nikki cried out, Paul went hectic. Panting heavily as bounced and moaned profusely with his own viscous movements, he stuttered and shivered as his flames were about to burst out. His legs shook and almost lost focus for a sec, he wailed out random things as Nikki lost control, dropping the phone somewhere.

Grabbing Paul by the neck, making him look at him as he pounded his insides. He couldn’t handle himself any longer now, he gripped his neck and went animalistic on the poor man, shoving his fingers inside his mouth, smacking his hips against his ass for good measure, feeling him intently as they both controlled their movements with each other.

Making such unholy sounds it was maddening, looking in each other's eyes for a few minutes until Paul knocked him down and slammed on his cock, clenching more on it. Squealing as almost pulled out entirely then went back in as Nikki started to take pics of him. Getting some of the gorgeous angles, the way Paul’s hair and face was going. The needy yet flushed look in his face as the cock disappeared and reappeared while Nikki wiped the sweat away with his hand, drooling at the delicious site as his cock started to gurgled inside of Paul.

Twitching and ready to Blow as Paul sobbed out his words.

‘’Oh! OH! I’m about to-to-to-OHHHH~!’’

‘’C’mon BABY! Come for me! Come for Papa!!!’’ Nikki egged on, his muscles tightening. Legs trembling, face scrunching up as he teeth gnawing on the edge of his legs. He grabs and holds onto Paul’s ass, going with the violent speed that was becoming much more faster and erratic, his nails digging into the skin as he tried to hold on, his eyes going into the back of his head, his butt clenching, goosebumps forming all over skin, veins on his neck looking like they were about to pop out as Paul screamed out!

‘’NIKKI!!!’’ 

His cock spurting out all over himself, bending himself backwards. Moaning out, his eyes crossing, tensing as he spurted and squirted out gallons of cum from his cock so much it went on the ceiling and Nikki’s face, splattering all over the place as he was grabbed by the neck and pounded into immensely as Nikii slammed a few times more in him.

Bashing that overstimulated prostate, hearing those screams.

Panting heavily into Paul’s face, covering that mouth with his hand.

He thrusted, Paul sucked his fingers.

He slammed, hips stuttering….

Paul sharply moaned, he groaned….

Balls deep, his cock gurgling more…

He pressed deeper, holding back his moans….

Mushy insides….

One last powerful movement and he….

‘’Papaaaa~….’’

Painted Paul’s raw insides with a lovely shade of white, emptying himself inside of his lover as he groaned and held Paul in his grip. Moaning as more cum leaves his body and enters his lover sweet abyss, his ass drinking up all the cum.

‘’Ohhhh….’’ Paul moaned, Nikki kissed his forehead.

‘’That’s good baby, drink all the cum. Drink it.’’ He repeated, slowly thrusting a little as he slowly left Paul’s hole. a trail of cum followed from Paul’s ass, leaking between his thighs. Nikki moved Paul down on his knees, shoving his cock in Paul’s face.

‘’Drink it baby. It’s all yours.’’ Nikki demanded, smearing his dribbling cock all over Paul’s face, getting it everywhere just before Paul took and drank his daddy’s cum, drinking and swallowing every last drop as he licked and suckled on it like a popsicle, lazily looking at his lover. His eyes heavy from the orgasm he had as he looked up at Nikki, tasting that sweet cum between his lips as it dripped from his chin, Nikki took some of the cum and smeared it all in Paul’s hair. Getting some on his chest hair and curls, his hands getting tangled up.

Paul moaned, swallowing all of it.

‘’That's good darlin. That’s good.’’ He sang, holding up the camera. More cum trickling out from Nikki’s cock, some of it spreading to the insides of Paul’s nostrils then going down on Paul's body from his shoulders, his nipples and more on the chest hair. Making him look like a gorgeous painting that was meant to be hanged or…taken a photo of.

‘’How good, sir?’’ Paul asked, holding the cock between his fingers. Laying his face on it, getting more messier, looking even more sexier than ever as he looks up at Nikki with that face, that face along with his voice that makes everything all worth it as he zooms in and smirks. Watching those hands holding his cock tightly like it was going to go anywhere, watching that cum of his dribble from those swollen lips as Nikki speaks.

‘’’How good, you say?’’

Paul nodded, kissing the tip of the cock. 

‘’Well…’’

He then kissed the balls, smooching on them as Nikki’s cock laid on his face still coming.

Nikki smirked.

‘’So good, so fucking good that i just have to take…’’ He goes, Paul groaned.

He chuckled, tapping the phone. 

‘’A Photo.’’ 

First time writing starterror, kinda nervous XD jk

@ladyshandioftheendless

@elrohare

@angelbambisworld

@insanityisdivine

@starry-eyed-never-satisfied

@genesstankycodpiece

@sluttery-withoutshame

@tanookikiss

@raynotraymond

@whateverhappenedididnotdoit

for real tho, how did I do? 👀

[starpearlz]

Could you Finnish up merry go round that fic w Nikki six I loved it sm ur writing is amazing

Starry Eyes -> Nikki Sixx

This will officially be my last Nikki Sixx story and I don’t wanna leave it alone forever bc I hate when people end the story and never finish it

not edited >1.0k fluff

gif by starry-eyed-ki

At that moment everything felt empty, but what people do say is true. That time heals, I didn’t believe it when people told me but it does. Now high school is over and I rarely thought about Nikki but that doesn’t mean I wonder what could’ve happened if he was still around. And now all I hear about is this Motley Crue band and when Linda go tickets for a show I knew I had to go. We got there pretty early so we we’re able toto stand in the front.

But when I went to go I didn’t expect to see Nikki there not even as a guest but seeing him play as bass was even more shocking. “Did you know?” I pulled Linda arm and screamed in her ear “What!” She exclaimed back “did you know!” “I can’t hear you!” Oh she definitely knew.

I knew about Nikki wanted to be a huge rockstar, he’s not huge but a rockstar he sure is especially right now. And the music is really good, I’m happy. I’m actually happy the music so good that I started dancing and made me feel like I was in high school again. But as all good things come to an end so did the concert.

We walked to the door talking about how amazing it was and how we have to go to the next one. We were about to walk out until a security guard stopped me, “uh is something wrong?” He was big buff guy making me nervous “Nikki wants you in the back.”

My heart dropped “he wants me?” He nodded “follow me.” I turned to Linda “I’ll be in the car.” I nodded and followed him leading behind the stage and met a door. He opened it with a key meeting with three different doors “he’s in the last one.”

“Thank you.” I walked to the door as he walked off I passed the first one hearing a bunch of screaming and ruckus. Do I knock? I decided knocking three times. I heard some movement and the door opened then I saw him, I haven’t seen him in years. He looks so different now with black spiky hair and dark makeup on his eyes, yet he still has the same vibe. “Hi.” I whispered out. He moved aside not saying anything for me to go in, I walked in and saw cigarette butts and beers everywhere. Same old Nikki.

“I knew it was you, you still have the same eyes.” I turned and faced him laughing “yes I still have the same eyes.” His head tilted as he checked me out “you look so different, yet the same.” I laughed “I can say the same about you.”

He gave a smirk “I never thought I’d see you again.” I squinted at him “you? You’re the one that left me.” He sighed “I know I’m sorry, that day I left town I was scared. I was so in love with you that I thought you would hold me back.”

I guess he’s right but still it hurt. “Seeing you tonight brought back all those feelings.” He scoffed and looked down “you want to know something funny.” I tilted my head “what?” He looked back up and took a step closer to me. “I actually wrote starry eyes about you.. and seeing your eyes again made me realize something.” I’m gonna kiss him so hard right now.

“What?”

“I never stopped loving you.”

:)

[suchalonelysunflower]

Take Your Feelings, Put Them Into a Song (A.I)

Pairing: Ashton Irwin x Wallows! Fem! Reader

Requested: yes!

Summary: Y/N Sixx, bassist from the famous band Wallows, is helping 5SOS write their latest album CALM. If only she could keep her crush on the drummer under control…

Warnings: Fluff. Language. Some grammatical errors (English is not my first language, I’m sorry)

Word Count: 4.6 k

Author’s Note: IM BACK! Remember that Reblogs, Likes, Comments and Feedback are very important! You have no idea how much they help 💕 Hope you like it and Happy Reading 🦋🌻✨

My materialist // wanna be part of my tag list?

anon: Can you do a one-shot where the reader was born on 1996 and she’s the daughter of Nikki Sixx and Brandi Brandt and it’s the bassist and songwriter of Wallows (…) and she helps 5sos write songs for the album CALM and starts dating Ashton and the fans go nuts (in a good way) with shipping? There’s no drama like it was in EUH

It was another boring day in the studio and you would literally prefer to do anything else than to listen to Cole talk about the last date he had instead of working on your new song. But inspiration was lacking between you and your bandmates and you really had no other choice since you already took that time on the studio’s schedule.

One would believe that you would be used to dull times in the studio, having spent a lot of time on them while growing up with your parents, but boredom was a cruel crime inside your head and today your patience was running thin.

“Hey, peanut!” Dylan called your attention “Everything good there?”

You were laying on the sofa, looking at the ceiling for some kind of saving grace, but Dylan’s voice brought you back to your reality.

“Are we going to get something done today?” You asked with a sigh, with your eyes still glued to the ceiling “Cause we are really just wasting time by now and I don’t think Cole’s last fling will bring any kind of inspo into our little group”

“Hey!” Cole protested, earning a chuckle from Braeden.

“Whatever,” You said, already getting up from your spot “I’m going to take a walk”

You took a deep breath once you closed the door to your private room. You loved the guys, you really do, but sometimes people can be too much, especially people who you spend every single day and hour with.

Memories from the past year started to fill your mind and you smiled when thinking about how much your little band has grown. Wallows was now everywhere, you created a name for yourself without using your parent’s influence and you were so damn proud of that, yet when moments like these come around - the moments where you just need to breathe to escape the reality for just a while - you start to reflect on every choice you made and if they were the right ones.

It’s the overthinking that got you to write those first lyrics in the first place, the ones that were put into songs and now were, somehow, all over TikTok with thousands of people relating to them. So maybe, overthinking now might not be such a bad idea after all.

“It’s a terrible idea if you think about it for more than one minute, mate”

You stopped in your tracks when you heard that voice, thinking that maybe you were finally going crazy or someone could’ve read your mind. But it wasn’t until you heard someone else answer that you realized it was a conversation.

“Well, I don’t know what to do with it anymore!”

You turned your head to the left and smiled when you saw the little sign that said “5SOS now in session. DO NOT DISTURB” And realized that your other favorite boys were back in town.

Of course you ignored the sign and knocked on the door a couple of times before opening it shamelessly.

“Well, well, well…” You said with a teasing smile as you leaned over the door frame “If it isn’t my second favorite Aussie band”

The faces of two of the members of said band light up once they realize it was you, quickly getting up to wrap you in a hug.

“Mini Sixx!” Calum said, ruffling his hand through your hair “About time you came to visit us”

You pushed him and Luke away from you “And you should’ve told me you’re back from your break! I could’ve escaped Dylan and the other minions earlier”

“Rough session?” Luke asked, seating down and patting the place next to him for you to sit on.

“Oh, you have no idea”

You loved the 5sos guys, it was impossible not to. Ever since you met them at a label party in 2015 when you were introduced to them because you were the same age as half of the group, you knew that they were made to be on the stage.

It was easy to become their friend, given their welcoming attitude and easy-going smiles even before they found out who your parents were. It was nice for a change not to be Y/N Sixx, daughter of the famous bassist of Mötley Crüe and famous Playboy doll Brandi Brandt, for a moment and just be Y/N, a bassist that had a lot to give to the world. And with the boys you didn’t even have to try to be someone you were not, with them everything was just so… real.

Just like now, where you were allowed to complain about your lovely bandmates to them and they would complain just as well, with no judgment nor responsibilities, just three friends letting out some steam due to the stress of your careers.

“-And basically we don’t know what else to do with the song” Luke finished his rant on the missing piece of their new song for their next album.

“And you have the lyrics ready?”

“Yeah, me and my girl wrote it a few weeks ago but the melody is just…”

“It’s missing something” Calum finished for him with a sigh.

You hummed “Can I see it?”

The two Australians got to work, playing the song with the piano and the guitar and you came to the conclusion that they were right: there was something big missing.

“So it’s a ballad,” You said, thinking of ways to fix it.

“Technically yes, but when you play it like that it sounds incomplete and the lyrics won’t work with another type of rhythm” Luke sighed “We’ve been at it for days now.”

You stayed quiet for a while, reviewing the lyrics and melody more carefully now, analyzing the situation with different approaches but without getting anywhere. It was a beautiful song, it truly was, but it needed something else, something that could create a “boom” sensation for whoever was listening.

Something like…

“Hey guys, have you finished with the- Oh, Hey, Y/N/N!” Ashton said, opening the door and finding you with his bandmates in deep concentration.

Bingo.

“Uh, why are you smiling at me like that?” Ashton asked you with a chuckle, but you didn’t even address him as you turned to Luke and Calum.

“It needs drums”

“What?” The three men said in unison. You rolled your eyes and snatched the notes from Calum’s lap and started to sing the melody.

“Here!” You pointed out “In this part, before finishing the first chorus: I already made, already made that…” And then you started to make drum noises and movements with your arms for them to get the idea.

In a matter of seconds, Luke got up from his seat and walked towards you, taking the notes from you and reviewing them with new eyes, smiling as he got the idea.

“Ha!” He laughed loudly, “You’re a fucking genius!”

“Thank you,” You said with a smug smile as you, Calum and Luke started to discuss the arrangements.

“Wait, hold up” Ashton interrupted the chatter “Y/N, I appreciate you trying to help and no offense and all but I think this isn’t your place to just decide something like that,” He said, pointing to the three of you.

You rolled your eyes. You’ve dealt with stubborn people before, but Ashton did take a spot on your top three and you knew just how to handle him.

“Wow,” You said sarcastically with a teasing smile “One would think that by being half of the rhythm section you would have more… I don’t know, rhythm?”

Ashton crooked an eyebrow and you and you knew you had him in the bag “I just don’t think-”

“You don’t think?” You said, getting up from your chair and walking up to him to be almost chest to chest. You looked up to his eyes and challenged him “Or you just can’t handle the fact that I might’ve had a better idea than you”

You could see by the sparkle in his eyes that he has taken the challenge to heart. He took a step closer to you, almost pressing his body completely against yours, and smirked.

“Want me to prove you wrong, princess?” He teased but you didn’t back up.

“I’d like to see you try, darling”

Ashton’s smirk widened as he took a step back, turning his head towards Luke and Calum who were watching the scene with intrigued eyes and knowing smiles “Get your asses back in the recording booth”

He followed them as they walked into the big recording space they had, but not before sending you a wink seconds after he closed the door.

You were thankful he didn’t see you blush.

Once they were all set with their instruments - Calum on the keys, Luke on the guitar, and Ashton behind his drum set - You pressed the buttons of the console that would make it possible for you to hear them at the other side of the mirrored glass.

“Okay boys, show me what you got”

*

You became an official 5SOS songwriter after that day and even Ashton had to admit that you were adding so much more to the band lyrics and melodies since you started to work with them.

Every day you would find yourself walking towards their studio after your band’s session and you start to work wherever they left off. It was a simple dynamic that worked wonders for everyone and after every session, you would get even more inspired to write your own music for Wallows, so it was a win-win situation, not to mention, spending time with your new co-workers; especially a particular drummer that grew closer to you that you would’ve ever imagined.

When you first met the band you hit it off pretty quickly with Luke and Calum, them being the same age as you and having pretty much the same interests; then came Michael that shared a similar sense of humor with you and with whom you discussed videogames with. But Ashton was always the one that you consciously tried to not get too close to.

In all honesty, he intimidated you but not in a bad way. He was smart, talented, and super funny, not to mention also ridiculously handsome. But he was also stubborn, a little bit egotistical, and the only one that could keep up with you in a battle of wits, teasing, and sarcasm. And you knew that if you mixed that all together it might mean trouble, especially when he smiled at you like that.

Of course you had a crush on him, who wouldn’t? But the fact is that you know what it is like to date in the industry and having feelings for a member of another pretty famous band might bring some tension to the table, so it was safer to play the crushing card and just stay friends. Or at least that’s what you tell yourself every day since you started to see him regularly and spend more time with him than with any other of the two bands.

Speaking of…

“Earth to Y/N?” Called Braeden waving a hand in front of your face “Is anybody there?”

You blinked a few times before pushing his hand away with a scoff “Very funny, B. What’s up?”

“You spaced out again” Cole added, fidgeting with his drumsticks “Just when we were going to start complimenting you on that bass line you wrote the other day…”

You smiled as you threw a pillow at him that he was able to easily dodge “Sorry, I was just-”

“Thinking about a particular drummer again?” Dylan teased, to which Cole added.

“I knew it wouldn’t take long for you to fall in love with me”

You searched for other pillows and started to throw them at your band members, giggling as they started to throw them back at you and starting an improvised pillow fight in the middle of the recording booth.

“Hey, Y/N/N! I was wondering if you-” Ashton’s sentence was cut short as he opened the door and took in the scene that was in front of him.

You were so busy chasing Breaden with a pillow on each hand and a devilish smile that you didn’t even notice when the door opened or that Ashton was standing there, smiling at you with his arms crossed as you aimed at your bandmate's head.

“Oh look, peanut!” Dylan said teasingly “You knight in shiny armor is here to-” But before he could say anything more embarrassing, you threw a pillow directly at his face to shut him out.

You quickly turned your head to Ashton who was fairly amused by your battle skills and smiled at him.

“Hey!” You said breathlessly after chasing down the others.

“Hi,” He smiled back “Am I interrupting something or?”

“Nah, you’re good,” You said, throwing one last pillow at your three friends that stood in a corner blowing teasing kisses and puppy eyes at the two of you “These assholes and I are done for the day” You commented before said assholes started to pout and complain, but you were already out the door before they could say something embarrassing again.

“So…” Ashton trailed off, starting to walk alongside you with his hands in his front pockets.

“So,” You said, drifting your eyes from him and praying to the universe that he didn’t hear anything or else it would make the blush on your face even pinker “You needed me for something?”

You wanted to get the topic of work right there in the open as soon as possible, not wanting him to notice how nervous you got when you were alone with him. At least when you were talking about work you leveled the ground in some parts.

“Actually, I’m going home early today” He smiled softly “Luke and the guys are working on a love song that’s just way too happy and butterflies - in - your -stomach like and I didn’t think they needed me there if I can’t bring nothing to the table”

“You’re not a lovey-dovey feeling kinda guy?” You teased by bumping your arm with his, earning a “hey” from him “I actually get it, I’m not that kind of person either”

“It’s not like I don’t like it, it’s just that-”

“You process your emotions differently, and it’s easier to write those when you think of love in other stages and/or mixed with other complex emotions because-”

“Love is not just one-sided! Yes!” Ashton celebrated, amazed that you could understand what he was saying “I knew you would get it”

That comment made your cheeks heat up as you looked at him, all dimpled smiles and light chuckled as he looked at you with sparkly hazel eyes. Oh no…

“Well,” You said, breaking that little moment “If they are going to work on that all day then I guess I would head home, too. I don’t think I’ll be able to provide anything else either”

“Actually,” Ashton said as he stopped in the middle of the hall leading to the exit, making you stop as well and turn to him “I was wondering if you would want to get some coffee with me now that we are both free. Of course, if you really are free and have nothing else to do and want to actually drink coffee or tea… or maybe not and you’re not that type of person and-”

“Are you asking me out?”

Ashton stopped his rambling and looked at you with an incredulous smile and lightly blushed cheeks.

“I- well, yeah,” He said shyly “Yeah, I am”

You smiled and softly chuckled “Look at the famous drummer all nervous” You teasingly took a step closer to him, not knowing where this confidence was coming from, and he did the same “It’s just me, you know?”

“And that’s exactly the reason why”

“Do I make you nervous, darling?”

“Let’s say that if it were anyone else, I wouldn’t have rambled like that, princess”

You pressed your lips in a thin line and smiled as you looked away from him, blushing like a teenager on her first date.

“So…” You trailed off.

“So?”

“Lead the way”

*

From that moment both of your routines changed once again. Now you took time off the studio at least two times a week to go with Ashton on those small friendly dates as he took you out for coffee or just simple but meaningful talks.

Soon enough you lost all the doubts that made you nervous around him, seeing how easy it was to talk to him and how much you had in common in more aspects than just music. You became more comfortable around him and your level of teasing and playing grew alongside your relationship, not to mention the level of teasing and playing you received from your band members and the other 3 Aussies who joined in on all the fun.

You were used to blushing and dismissing comments about your - undeniable - crush on the drummer, but Ashton didn’t seem to be affected by them at all. On the contrary, Ashton played along and even seemed like he was enjoying it. Like in one particular occasion where you were working on a song together and Michael said:

“Oh my god, date her already!”

Ashton didn’t blink an eye before responding “I’m trying! But she just wants to focus on the harmonies”

And you’d be lying if you said that didn’t put a smile on your face.

Yet, you kept it all professional while being in the studio; no need to mix your personal lives with whatever was going on down there, that’s why those coffee runs were your favorites.

It was an unspoken rule between the two of you that “work-talk” was forever banned from those outings.

“So what are we going to talk about?” You asked him the first time you went into his favorite coffee shop.

“Us” He simply answered, unaware of the butterflies he just set in your stomach.

“Us?”

“Yeah, I want to get to know you better, princess. Who is Y/N Sixx?”

“Who is Ashton Irwin?”

“I asked first”

“I asked second” You countered

Ashton smiled widely “You think you’re clever…”

“It doesn’t matter what I think” You answered, casually sipping on your coffee “I know I’m clever just like I know you like me that way”

You were testing the waters back then, hiding the shaking of your knees under the table as you longed to know how he felt about it. But the way he smiled and how he blushed a little bit made all your fears go away.

“Yeah, that I do”

Your cheeks turned red whenever you reminisced about that moment - or any moment that you spent with Ashton for that matter - which gave you the perfect idea for a song.

“I don’t want to kill my time with somebody else…” You hummed to yourself as you wrote down what you think is the chorus to a new song.

You told Ashton that you were not the type to write silly love songs or very uplifting songs; but there was something in that memory, something in that feeling that you couldn't ignore or just let it be without doing something about it. So, you started to write it.

You couldn't separate the feeling from the art, after all, feelings were what led you to dedicate your life to music. People would say it was because of your parent’s influence but they had little to nothing to do with your decision. This was you, the authentical you writing whatever came to mind and then sharing it with the world and only a few people will get it in its entirety. And surely Ashton was one of them.

“Dadadada something, want you all to myself”

“Wacha doing there, princess?”

Speaking of the devil.

Ashton smiled at you as he hunched over the table you were working on, trying to peek at what you were writing. You lifted the notebook and pressed it against your chest faking offense as he giggled.

“Didn’t your mother taught you not to sneak up on people, darling?” You asked as he walked around your workspace and sat himself down on the chair next to you “Besides, you’re late. You were supposed to meet me here like half an hour ago!”

“Aww, sorry Sixx” Ashton pouted “But there were no chocolate chip cookies left in the shop so I had to go around town to get you some” He then put a bag of freshly made cookies on top of the table with a cup filled with coffee.

“You didn’t have to do that, you know?”

“Of course I did! You always only eat chocolate chips cookies in the afternoon”

He started to giggle again, ignoring the way you were looking at him “How did you know that?”

“C’mon, Y/N/N, every time we go for coffee you order two, one for the coffee and another one for the road. And every time we cater something you never touch anything but those cookies”

“I never knew you were so observant”

Ashton shrugged “I just pay attention if I like what I see,” He said nonchalantly with a wink, making you blush instantly, but you covered it up with an eye roll.

“God, you’re terrible” You scoffed.

“I’m honest!” You shook your head and went back to writing, but Ashton was not going to let that go so easily. “Look, how else could I know that you always put an extra bag of sugar in your coffee?”

“‘Cause I always drink the same thing,” You said without looking up from your notebook.

“Yeah, a mocha latte with extra chocolate drizzle and no foam. Honestly, how can you handle that much sugar?” You were about to answer but he caught you off. “But that’s not all you drink, whenever you have a bad day you always order a cup of mango and ginger tea because that’s your mother’s favorite drink and it helps you calm down. You also don’t want anyone to know that you’re having a bad day but the minute someone looks away your smile starts to flatter until you’re back in the conversation”

You stopped the writing completely as you turned to him, suddenly feeling how your heart started to jump all over your chest as he kept talking, eyes never leaving yours as he gave you a soft smile, almost as if he was remembering all those moments with you.

“You draw flowers on the corner of your notebooks whenever you feel bored. You love the sad songs on the radio and you know every single word to Lorde’s Melodrama, yet every time you have to choose a playlist you put 2000’s pop and R&B songs because it hypes you up. You hate awkward silences unless you are the one being quiet. You help Dylan dye his hair every time he asks you to because you would trust each other with your lives, you give Cole relationship advice because you care about him and he always appreciates your advice more than anyone’s and Braeden is your best friend because you always say that he is one of the few people that could make you laugh in a bad day and you have no idea how much I want to be included in that list”

“Ashton-”

“You write better with dim light, it helps you concentrate on your work. You say you don’t believe in astrology yet you check your horoscope every day. You want to make sure that everyone has a good time and feels included, that’s why you always make conversations with Micahel about games you never even heard before or let Luke braid your hair when he’s bored or how you switched topics when you noticed that Calum was not engaging as much in a conversation. You literally take care of everyone but you never let anyone take care of you, and when we do you get all shy and you blush as you say thank you and you have no idea how fucking adorable you look”

You sat there speechless as he spoke. You felt the back of your throat dry as you tried to find the right words to answer all of that.

It was too much. The fact that he knew all of that and how he said it like he was just talking about his favorite things in the world, it was just too much but at the same time, you want to hear him say that again.

A weird sense of joy and shyness came over you as he set his hazel eyes on yours. You gave him a small smile as you averted your gaze to the floor.

“Wow, I-” You started “I never thought someone noticed all that”

“How could I not?” You heard him say “You’re all I can think about and to say that I don’t notice you is like saying I don’t notice the sun in the sky or the stars at night. You’re the brightest light out there, Y/N, you shine everywhere you go”

You noticed how he pulled his chair closer to you and suddenly you felt how your chair started to slowly turn his way until you were face to face.

Ashton carefully placed his fingers under your chin and tilted your head until you were finally looking into his eyes again.

“There she is!” He smiled when he noticed your blushing cheeks and gleaming eyes.

“What do you mean when you say I’m all you think about?” You asked expectantly, curling your fingers nervously on top of your thighs.

Ashton chuckled. “Well, if you didn’t notice, I really fucking like you, Y/N”

You looked up at him, smiling with hopeful eyes and feeling as if a weight was lifted off your chest thanks to the joy you were experiencing while hearing those words.

“You do?”

“Unless you don’t like me back and I just spilled my feelings for nothing-” You smacked him playfully in the arm “Ouch! I’m kidding! Of course I like you! Fuck, Y/N I’ve been falling for years now and I thought I was being pretty obvious”

You laughed “I thought you were just playing!”

In an instant, Ashton pulled your chair closer and grabbed you by the hip, lifting you up and making you sit on his lap as he hugged you by the waist and you placed your arms around his neck.

“I’ve never been more serious in my life,” He said, “I’ll do anything to prove it”

“Well,” You said, pressing a kiss to his cheek and knocking your forehead to his “How about you help me finish this song and then you take me on a date? Cause I’ve been falling for you, too and I don’t want to waste any more time”

Ashton hummed as he nuzzled his nose against your cheek, kissing it softly as he murmured “Will I get to kiss my princess at midnight?”

“Maybe… or you can take your chances now if you’d like”

He smiled.

“I like those odds”

And just before you know it, he softly pressed his lips against yours; finally creating a happy beginning for the two of you.

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[ac3id]

pairings: shigaraki tomura x female reader

warnings: nsfw, dubcon, captivity, yandere shiggs, mention of death, shiggs is a meanie, dumbification if ya squit.

a/n: im so glad someone requested this!! i will litereally never shut up about man also!! shigaraki is beefed up in this cus that man finna get permanent residency in my head

word count. 1557

Imagine: Shigaraki taking the small, cute little pathetic nurse of the hospital he hijacked as his darling. 

It takes some time for him to find you tolerable. At first, he absolutely loathes you; you’re always crying over the littlest things, always painting him to be the bad guy and you even refuse to give treatment to his men. And honestly, that pisses him off the most. You’re completely brainwashed by society. What do you mean you won’t help men like ‘him’? Are you that superior? You get to decide what’s right and what’s wrong? Are his men not humans? He hates you. If it weren’t for the situation he had faced himself in, he would have decayed you in the blink of an eye. But now after a failed mission and a lot of casualties on his side, he needed your quirk.  

When he kidnaps you, finally, it’s not because he loves you and wants to take care of you. No. It’s because he wants to torture you- literally. He’s so sick of your hot-headedness, so sick of your ideals- how you still think heroes will come to save you from those nefarious villains. Shigaraki wants to break you, show you how pathetic you really are. And so he does. 

One day he just gets so tired of your antics, you’re ignoring him- something you find yourself doing very often these days. You isolate yourself from him and everyone. You run to a storage room and hide, your knees pressed to your chest and head held down. You sniffle into your knees, you never wanted this happen. What did I do to this deserve this? When would the heroes come? You chanted to yourself. Deep down, you knew Shigaraki was right but you didn’t want to believe it. You didn’t want to believe that the world was so hollow and even if it was, you’d choose to ignore it. You’d live your life the way you want to and believe in that devil’s words. You’d- 

The door slams open, a big angry looking Shigaraki stands in the there, his eyes fuming with murderous intent. He rushes towards and wastes no time in clasping his big, sturdy hands around your petite neck and you pulling you up. He squeezes around it and choking noises fills the room, your hands automatically wrap around his trying to push him off but it’s all in vain. He’s too strong and you’re too dumb. You let out choked pleads, begging him to let you go and that you’ll help him. You knew he wouldn’t hurt you cause he needed you, you believed that he’d-

“If you’re thinking that I won’t kill you right this instant. You are wrong. I will take away your quirk for myself and leave you here to bite the dust. Don’t test me.”

He drops you to the floor, you rub your neck and try to collect yourself. He looks down at you, the way your tremble reminds him of a puppy who’s been kicked. He smiles to himself, he crouches down and grabs the collar of your shirt, pulling you closer to him. “I don’t like being mean to a pretty little thing like you,” he confesses and your eyebrows knit together. Why is he talking to you like this? 

“Use your dumb little head, okay? Listen to me.” His hold from your collar disappears and he stands back to his full height hovering over, you looked like an ant under and he looked like monster. You look up at him with tears pricking at the corners of your eyes- he’s the predator and you’re the prey. There’s no denying it. You were stupid for choosing not to submit to him before but now, you know he’s not the one to show mercy. He’s going to give you one chance you better not disappoint him. 

You started to obey him after he had threatened you, knowing full well he’d take your quirk and kill you the very next second. You did not want to challenge or anger him. It’s for my own survival, you tell yourself. You help his men, you sit, biting back your urge to hit Dabi as you tend to his wounds while he throws obscene remarks of what he’d do to a girl like you or how you have to stop your self from throwing up as you listen to Toga explain in detail about what she wants to this boy she’s crushing on. It’s hard work. Spinner and Mr. Compress were a little better but considering the fact that they come back to you after murdering innocents. It surely manages to you up at night.

It doesn’t take long for Shigaraki to develop a soft spot for you, he likes this new you. You are submissive, you listen to him. He finally managed to put you in your place. 

You did not think about those heroes anymore, did you? 

Ridiculously, he finds a friend in you, both of you start talking. You talk about your day with him he tells you about his, you drink together and as much as you shouldn’t; you find yourself enjoying your time with the league. 

You come to understand them and you forget that you’re being held, hostage. Call it Stockholm syndrome but you didn’t care. The newfound joy lasts but all things must end.

The calm before the storm: Shigaraki suddenly finds himself falling for you, your shy habits- how you’d twirl your hair when you got nervous or chewed on your lip while concentrating. How your cheeks stained pink in your intoxicated state. He noticed everything, he didn’t want to believe he was falling for but the way butterflies that danced around in his stomach when your finger grazed over his, how his mood turned better when you entered the room. The signs were obvious. He was in love 

He thought he’d tell you about his feelings for you before they left the hospital, all his men had recovered wonderfully courtesy to you. You’d flee with him and the both of you would be happy together forever a perfect ending for a new beginning. He confesses his love to you two days before his departure, he tells you how he wants to spend his life with you, how he thinks you’re the one but to his dismay. You don’t feel the same.

It breaks his heart into pieces, he can’t believe what he just heard. You’re kidding, right? You love him the way he loves you. Right? 

No? No. 

He’s pissed. Needless to say, even though you rejected his proposal, he still takes you along. He locks you in one of the many rooms of the PLF mansion. The only person you can see is him, he spends hours trying to make you understand why you needed him but you don’t budge. It’s like starting all over again. He is kind at the beginning but as days go by and his frustrations increase he just ends up using you like his fuckhole, bending you over whenever he wants and fucking your brains out. Shoving his cock down your throat, leaving you a quivering mess.

If you refuse or hesitate, he’d threaten you. He’ll take away your quirk and chop your legs and arms clean and leave you to rot. He’s done it before (you recall the incident with Overhaul). It leaves you no choice but to listen to him.  He wins all the time.

“Faster,” Shigaraki grunts. He has your wrists tied behind your back, his fingers tugging on your nipples, hard grinning at how your face confronts in pain. “Come on, whore. I know you can do better than this” he says staring at how your tiny cunt takes his huge cock. He was mesmerized, the way your walls wrapped around his girth. It was obviously too much for you, you could barely keep. The way your tongue lolled out of your mouth and eyes crosses, it was given. 

Unable to form responses you only whined in protest, hoping Shigaraki would take it easy on you but he just laughed. “What are you saying, my dumb little baby?” he asked in a condescending voice. It made you feel pathetic, he treated you like a pet who couldn’t for look after herself. It drove you mad that you couldn’t do anything about it, his hand snakes around your neck holding it firmly you stop moving on his dick. Keeping it settled warmly in your hole he pulls you down, his lips level with your ear. “Do it properly, my love,” you cringe internally at the nickname- a second ago he was calling you a whore. “If you don’t, I’ll take quirk,” your face pales, you couldn’t lose your quirk. It was all you had. “Please...Don’t do that. It’s all I have.” your voice cracks and tears roll to your cheeks, “It’s okay, baby. Just do it again. Be better this time,” he coos his hand patting your back as he restrains himself from thrusting into you, he lets you go and you start rocking your hips again trying to satisfy him, he grips your waist tightly; it would leave marks later. 

Shigaraki stares at you sleeping next to him, after a tiring session you were finally getting well deserved rest. You had obeyed him beautifully today, he wondered how long would it take before you realized that; it wasn’t your quirk which was all you had left. It was him.  

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[maiapattinson]

JUST FEEL IT//Chapter 16

⎯Sometimes I think that you only exist in my head, that all this is irregular!⎯I say walking through the park in Los Angeles

⎯Just thinking that if our mothers didn't meet we'd never be here together, well, I don't know if I'd leave London to go to Brazil⎯ he replies laughing

⎯I love your way of laughing at everything, and I wouldn't leave Brazil to find you without knowing who you were either. Perhaps it was our fate that this happened⎯ we sat under a tree in the shade.

I was getting too tired in the routine, three months of pregnancy had passed and we ended up confirming that it was a boy. My family is in love with the news or little part of it, Rob finally and officially cast his vote straight and told the media that he had found out I was pregnant. It's a strange but cool thing, an experience for a lifetime, a fetus inside me that's for sure strange.

It's also refreshing to have our family, even if only now we're something. We decided that we are now boyfriends as teenagers, it's weird to go through but it's amazing to feel those butterflies in your stomach, having his affection is special. The baby really seems to like it and so do I, after the words and the report I told him I got a little better, I kept thinking and I still am.

A person makes mistakes throughout life. Robert is increasingly happy with his movie fame and now father fame, all the headlines and magazines tagged him as: "dad of the year".

My parents came to Los Angeles to see how I was doing, and they get along well and don't fight so much. I don't want it around the baby, whether Rob and I have anything or not it will affect the baby.

Now we go for walks in the park and in the streets, Clare is already excited about the clothes, Victoria wants to get a tattoo in honor of her nephew and he's still inside me. Lizzy is excited about everything she plans on how to help with the birth.

I don't like all this attention, but my baby needs it, I'm 32 years old, this pregnancy can go wrong and how can I do it?.

⎯Baby, today your mother is more beautiful than usual⎯Robert says with his head on my belly⎯I wanted to send you a text with a picture of her,your mother is so beautiful.

⎯Marcos she said that he may still be graduating and is not listening to you.

⎯Likewise son you are Batman's son do you know what that means?⎯he expects an answer⎯That's it!

⎯Are you using some kind of substance?⎯He looks at me and I smile⎯You are the son of actor Robert Pattinson.

⎯And from Y/n Arantes, the most beautiful and hot woman in the world, son⎯he talks kissing her belly without anything since she was showing⎯Harry, a beautiful baby

⎯What about names?⎯I glance at him⎯No names yet and Harry is very outdated⎯I justify

⎯My name is Douglas, Prince Harry Philippe Arantes Pattinson. He loved it!

⎯Or we can call him Edward, it's a nice name and it still has my great-grandfather.⎯ I caress his hair

⎯Nananinano, let's choose in a while. Edward no!⎯ he exclaims too loudly drawing the attention of paparazzi

⎯Ready Edward!⎯I tell him while the cameras are on⎯It's weird being in front of the cameras and not behind, well I've seen a lot behind the scenes with you.

⎯I remember you calling me "dead ced" in Harry Potter's dressing rooms, not to mention the twilight one!⎯he says and I laugh this time

⎯First: I laugh at your frown and that extra careful topknot, you jumping out of a tree, you were too crazy!

⎯His books that are, a menage between 5 people written in full detail. I as a man got extremely excited by your writing⎯ he speaks and I kiss your forehead

⎯ You are a very sexual inspiration, but certainly writing that left me with a lot of dark circles. To this day I lose sleep⎯yawn

⎯ We can go if you want, your parents are there waiting for us and waiting for this beautiful baby.

⎯ Let's meet some friends?, I don't know, we are boyfriends and boyfriends have their friends. I can call Kristen, Nikki, Ashley and you boys, what do you think?

⎯Why don't we just call the most connected, well, Noah and Anna on your side and mine⎯ he suggests

⎯ Do you still have feelings for Kristen? or Suki? ⎯ I take a deep breath waiting for the answer

⎯FRIEND⎯Someone says in Portuguese⎯YOUR GIRLFRIEND!

⎯Anna!?⎯I see the brunette coming towards me and Rob helps me up and I run to her⎯Fuck, what are you doing here!?

⎯I came to see you, well, Brazil is boring with this pandemic⎯she explains⎯Well Alex is with Maria in the park over there, I came to see you by surprise.

⎯Motherfucker you are, you'd better talk to me so I would have found something for you⎯she looks at me sideways and Rob hugs me from behind⎯Oh Anna you already know him.

⎯Ah, I know her very well⎯laugh⎯My daughter wasn't even 2 years old and you put a doll on my friend, you're really cool!

⎯Look how silly you are Anna⎯rio⎯The belly is still showing, call Alex and Maria to stay at my house I beg you.

⎯ We can't, we still have to see Alex's parents and you who get along well with your in-laws, the prejudiced people⎯ she says⎯ But now I have to go, but I'll fix it at your house I promise⎯ hug me

⎯I really hope, and Alex's parents don't waste time, let them get used to seeing a couple of different races⎯I reply

⎯Thanks friend, now bye baby from Auntie and Rob⎯ she says goodbye and goes

⎯ Let's get some rest, right?

⎯Let's go to the beach please!⎯I ask him to put his strong arms over me.

[peeterparkr]

perfidy;tom holland|6

chapter 6: the frame

enemies to lovers au/enemies with benefits

story summary: Tom and you have been sworn enemies since you were young. However, you happened to be best friends with the twins. When one of your friends challenged you to break Tom’s heart, you immediately accepted to get back at him for all the times he’s hurt you. Old feelings might come back, while both of you try to go past your pride and your lies.

chapter summary: how do you make someone fall in love with you when they’ve hated you their whole life? 

pairing: tom holland x y/n

warnings:  swearing, timmy, mentions of sex, didn’t proof read 

word count: 5.8k

here’s a playlist

TWEETS:  read them before you read this.

previous chapter next chapter series masterlist

wanna be tagged?

No one should ever have sympathy for the devil. They’re the devil for a reason. But somehow, you understood a lot of things about Tom. Going through his schedule had you already on your feet, no wonder why he was always tired. You had been avoiding any kind of confrontation with anyone as your hands were hovering through the mouse as the light from your laptop was washing white through your whole room, you hadn’t slept and you had a cup of coffee as you waited for your alarm to go off so you could officially start the day. 

Your first day as an assistant, it didn’t sound exciting but it had you on the edge. That wasn’t the reason why you hadn’t slept, though.

Timothée and you hadn’t solved anything, both of you needed to think things, you’d asked him for more time to go through and about everything. Because honestly, you didn’t know if you wanted to go back to a relationship where you knew you weren’t the same. But you were still in love with him. You knew he loved you, too. You can  easily tell, you know? when someone is in love with someone else. Yet it seemed like he had been so distant, even if he had only been 3 feet apart. 

.And it was hard, because you couldn’t be thinking about it, but you had the right to cry about it, didn’t you? But you knew that at some point you’d break. You didn’t have the time to think about it, not now. You had already opened the document, the script you so feared of writing. So banal and stupid and typical, a script that had no meaning. And you were wondering if you really wanted to do that, you could easily just text Alessandra you were not up to write something as vain and stupid, especially because you knew you’d end up hurting yourself. This meant emotionally investing in something, and although there was no way you’d ever wake up past feelings, you knew you could end up hurting more people than planned. 

Besides, you were certain it was impossible, Tom wouldn’t fall in love with you. So you maybe needed to change this, seduce him? But you felt so dirty. 

It had been good, though, relieved some stress, some tension. But then, you’d seen Timmy. And everything had tumbled down. Because you were proving his point. Though the conversation had gone very normal. Timmy had understood that you needed time, you hadn’t told him what for. 

It was wrong, it felt like cheating. Cheating on your heart, at least. But you looked at the little annotations you had for the script. 

You hadn’t slept because you were wondering if you could ever make someone like Tom fall in love with you. Because really? What makes people fall in love? It had you thinking. And maybe you could turn this into a guide, how to make your number one enemy fall in love with you. Was there really only one fine line in between love and hate? Can one fall in love with someone you know so well? 

How does one make the devil fall in love with you? 

And you’d asked Timmy, “What made you fall in love with me?” As if it was a question like “what’s your favourite colour?” or “what have you been doing these days?” 

He hadn’t answered, not really. Only gave you a smile.

You closed the script, maybe the answer was in between your past, and you scrolled through your files until you found them, your old videos. 

You stared at the names, and randomly clicked on one. 

“Okay, Y/N… Want to dance with Tom?” Nikki said behind the camera. The movie was messy, and she was trying to focus on both of you. A young y/n was on the floor, her mouth covered with chocolate ice cream. A bow on her head, and a very nice white with cherries dress, now all covered, too with chocolate ice cream.  

You chuckled as you watched yourself, you had the rest of the ice cream on your hand. 

You were barely 3, it seemed. Your brother, probably 8,  was sitting on the couch as he was too busy nibbling on his own popsicle. A young Tom was giggling to the camera, covered in ice cream too, as he danced to the music playing in the background, ABBA, your mother and Nikki used to play ABBA all the time. 

“Y/N you don’t wanna dance with Tom?” Your mother walked into the view, as baby y/n looked up to her and shook her head. However, your brother, James walked over to you and helped-forced you to stand up. He took your hands and made you dance with him, you grinned. 

Your mother and Nikki started to clap as you danced, and Tom, of course, wanting to get back the attention, pushed away your brother and took your hands instead, dancing with you. 

The video was rather something quite adorable and stupid, you were both dancing to the song. 

You laughed to yourself, because there was probably a similar video when you guys were older, but now drunkenly dancing to ABBA. 

The kids were dancing, and you ended up kissing his cheek. 

“Adorable!” Nikki said. 

Of course, the sweetness ended as Tom pushed you back, making you fall to the floor. Tom laughed and then you cried. 

“Thomas! Don’t do that!” Nikki said. 

“Y/N, love it’s okay, don’t cry,” your mother said, as she rushed over to you. 

The video ended. 

You rolled your eyes, that video was the perfect definition to your relationship nowadays. Except you didn’t like him. But you had to, for your own sake, you had to put up with him. With the devil. 

He was the devil in disguise, you could see it. Even when he was younger, little devil, disguised as an angel, with a beautiful smile and angelic eyes. This was wrong, so wrong, you knew he could hurt you more than you could hurt him. How could you ever make him fall in love with you? If you hadn’t succeeded before what made you think that you would win now? 

It made you feel guilty, even, because you were playing with something where you knew you had a lot to lose. You were risking your heart, and you knew that this was leading to your doom. It was no secret that you had once wanted him. 

And even with everything, you didn’t want to hurt him. And you had circled around it, how you could try to ruin him. But you really didn’t want to. But how did you make anyone fall in love with you? Because it was written in the stars that you were both destined to hate each other. 

Or maybe you had only been destined to love him once, or twice but he was meant to hurt you. You couldn’t rewrite destiny, no matter how good of a writer you were, you couldn’t rewrite the stars. 

Was there an answer? Did you have to dress a certain way? Did you have to sing? Maybe makeup. And you started to think about it, maybe you couldn’t rewrite it but you could write a new story. 

What had made you fall in love with anyone, really? And you thought about Tom, the first person you’d ever been in love with, the chaos he was. Like a busy rainy morning in London, with hopes of the sun finally coming out. And it didn’t make any sense. Maybe that was you needed to figure out how to make something senseless turn into something important. Falling in love with the devil. And you’d already sinned. 

But you started writing, and before you knew it, you were already waiting for him with a coffee and a tea and a printed schedule. Tom would be picking you up. 

“Morning,” you said but he hadn’t answered. 

And there it was, the long-expected cold shoulder he’d be giving you. You hadn’t expected any less from him, of course he was now pretending nothing had happened. A black t-shirt and a pair of grey sweats. 

“Here’s your tea—And-are you excited?” 

“We don’t have to talk,” Tom said. “It’s too early.” 

You raised your brows. “Alright.” 

He remained quiet. But you watched him, the sun was making him a favour. The freckles on his skin were perfectly placed on his nose, it seemed like they were stars poured over. The damn boy was perfect, at least you could get something out of that.

You didn’t know if he had noticed your staring. 

He was too good to be true, honestly. He was very attractive, too bad he was such an asshole. Why had he never liked you back? 

And there it was, that feeling you’d always be feeling. The feeling of not being enough, or the feeling that you’d done something so wrong. But you’ve learnt better. You knew this was Tom being whom he was. Probably Haz had heard something and Tom had denied it and then he was giving you the cold shoulder to not raise any concerns. 

This would be difficult, having to deal with him and try to make him fall in love with you when he clearly didn’t like you at all. It was good you didn’t like him either. 

But you did look at the mirror and wondered if you looked bad, or ugly, or if it had been your voice, or maybe he didn’t drink tea when he was going to film, or what had you done wrong? That feeling would never go away when you were with Tom. What did you do wrong? 

However, you needed to go through the Schedule, even if your thoughts were messing with yur brain. “We will go straight into makeup and—“

“You think I don’t know that?” Tom rolled his eyes. 

You rolled your eyes. “Thomas I’m simply doing my job, alright? And if we want to work this out—And I’m just trying to be nice, okay? I don’t like you, I really really can’t stand you but I’m doing my best effort to try and be nice, and decent. We are gonna be doing this for two months and you know what? If you don’t get your shit together I might just quit right here right now and good luck finding an assistant in ten minutes, so you better not be pulling that attitude with me right now.” 

He blinked as he cleared his throat. “Sorry.” 

“Good, now I need—“

He smirked. “That was pretty hot, though.” 

You closed your eyes with desperation as you turned to glare at him. “What?” 

He grinned as he turned his head just slightly to wink at you. “I’m sorry after that night—Apparently that kind of stuff turns me on.” 

“That night didn’t happen,” you cleared your throat. 

He clicked his tongue. “But it did, and we were very chill after that, and that was hot.” 

“You’ve got some weird kinks going on there, first the praise kink and now this?” You sassed with poison. 

“The praise?—I don’t have a praise kink,” he frowned. 

You laughed. “We’ll see about that, now we need to—“

“Oh we will see?” He smirked. “So you’re saying you will prove it to me?” 

You fumed red as you glared at him. “You’d love that, wouldn’t you? I’m sorry to inform you but I’m a professional and that will never happen again.” 

He grinned. “Oh c’mon, y/n.” 

“What now?” You crossed your arms. 

“You can’t… you can’t pretend it didn’t mean anything.” 

“It didn’t feel anything. Did you feel anything?” This could lead somewhere.  

“No. Well… I’m not saying that I felt anything, but it does mean something.” 

You sighed. “I’m… No, I’m sorry I got caught up in the moment, that’s it.” 

He laughed. “Hm, bummer, and here I was thinking about bringing yellow flowers.” 

You looked away. Yellow flowers. “You wouldn’t even if you’d felt something,” you said with poison, not even wanting to think of yellow flowers. “And if you dare to mention that night again, I’m gonna quit for that too.” 

“Nice, I love it when you talk dirty to me,” he snickered, but then quickly regretted it as you smacked his head. “Ow! Hey! I’m just messing with ya, y/n.” 

You frowned, feeling your empty stomach slowly pulling down. 

“I hate you,” you stated. 

“I hate you more, boo,” he grinned.  “I’m sorry, y/n, it’s just pretty early…” 

“And? I hate waking up early too, I didn't even sleep last night.” 

“Why not?” 

Because you were broken-hearted, because you had to write a script, because you had to work for him, because you needed him to fall in love with you. But you wouldn’t tell him that. 

You shrugged, not giving him an answer. 

“I saw your tweets,” he pointed out. “What happened with Mr. Boring?” 

“He’s not boring, and it doesn’t concern you.” 

“Y/N, he is like actually super boring,” he pushed. “Like what did you even see in him?” 

A lot, a lot of things. He was charming, fun, nice, intellectual and he supported your dreams. And he never got into your nerves. 

“He was dreamy.” 

“Dreamy?” Tom frowned. “He is boring.” 

“He’s not.” 

“That’s why you broke up, right? Don’t tell me you got back with him? He’s so boring y/n and he’s—“

“That doesn’t—Look, don’t even—This is strictly professional and we shouldn’t be discussing any personal matters okay?” 

He chuckled. “Fine, let’s get into professional matters.” 

-

And there you were, walking behind the big movie star as people boarded him, the director, other actors, everybody wanted to speak to Tom and you were only following after him, writing stuff down that you thought would be important for later, as you tried to follow up with everyone. You had made sure the catering had gotten Tom’s snacks right, and the water, and then the menu for later, and everything that Harry had told you to, and then you were leading the way towards his trailer, and then after setting up you’d go to makeup. 

The set was big, and you felt butterflies just thinking that someday maybe you’d be writing or directing something of this sorts. The film world was fascinating to you, sure, television was amazing, too but this was just where you needed to be. Not exactly as an assistant but it got you closer to wherever you wanted to be. 

You were approaching Tom's trailer, as you were trying to explain to him the schedule that would be going on down today, while your mind was going places as you tried to come up with times where you could be alone with Tom so you could at least start your investigation on knowing what made him fall in love with anyone, and you had to start flirting with him, although, he had already started on that. Very unprofessional. If you were honest, that was the least that concerned you, you were too busy imagining the day you’d finally direct your own film,  but before you could even continue with your film fantasy, you saw….him. 

Timothée. 

You’d never had a heart attack, but you were sure you had just experienced one. 

Timothée. 

With some headphones around his neck and a pencil behind his ear, just outside Tom’s trailers as he was leaning over to read something on the person beside him.

Timothée. 

 He looked calm, and unaware that you were there. A white t-shirt, pair of jeans, and his curls flying. 

Timothée. 

You stopped abruptly, as Tom bumped against your shoulder. You froze, everything was getting blurry. This jeopardized everything you’d planned. 

“Y/N--What?” Tom frowned as he followed your gaze and then he saw him. A frown appeared upon his face. “Is that mister boring?” 

“Yes shut up I’m freaking out,” you snapped. 

Tom scoffed. “You’ve got to be kidding me. What were the odds?” 

“Sh.” 

Tom watched you, and mockingly laughed. “What?” 

“Oh my god, I can’t…” 

“God look at him, he looks so boring,” Tom pointed out. 

This was life laughing at you. “Can you please stop calling him boring?” 

“You can do so much better than Mister… ,” Tom rolled his eyes. “Timothée,” Tom poisoned, accentuating each and every letter.  

“Shut up.” 

This was chaos. And Timmy finally looked up and directed his sight at you, those caramel eyes glazed right upon you, and you saw him, and there was that smile, perfect smile that had made you fall in love with him. He looked so divine, so fresh, as if he was floating. An angel. 

How the fuck were you going to flirt around with the devil if your angelic ex boyfriend whom you still loved was going to be around? 

“Y/N?” Timothée mouthed as he dedicated another smile at you. 

You finally breathed in some courage and smiled at him, approaching him. 

“Y/N, what are you doing here?” He asked, softly, as his eyes were only on you. He had his ways making you feel like you were the only person in the whole world. 

“I-” 

“Timmo! Hello,” Tom intruded. “Hey, she’s my assistant, the real question is what are you doing here?” 

Timothée finally looked up at Tom. “Thomas,” he said calmly. “Oh, really?” He turned his sight back to you. “Why didn’t you tell me, love--” he cleared his throat. “Y/N that uh, you’d be working with him.” 

“I..” 

“She doesn’t have to tell you everything, man,” Tom interrupted you for the second time. You nudged him. 

“I just… didn’t think it was a big deal, but what are you doing here?” 

“I’m kind of… an assistant of someone’s assistant, but hey, I’m part of the crew,” Tim grinned at you. 

Tom watched between you both. 

“Hey um, but what about your script?” 

“She’ll have time to write it,” Tom pushed. 

“I can talk for myself Tom, uh, here,” you handed him the keys to his trailer. “Why don’t you freshen up before we go over to makeup?” 

Tom frowned. “Um, no, actually, I need you to come with me, I need to discuss some things,” Tom crossed his arms. 

“Really? Even if we went through all of it?” You frowned. 

“Yes, something just came up,” Tom smirked. 

You wanted to hit him. 

Timothée cleared his throat. “Maybe we can… talk later, okay? Later on a break?” Tim offered. 

“Yeah, for sure,” you smiled at him but then Tom motioned to the trailer. 

He walked in and you were quick to close the door. 

“What is wrong with you?” 

Tom scoffed. “I’m doing you a favour, y/n.” 

“A favour?” You were about to kill him, but you didn’t. You remembered it. You were supposed to start liking him. “You know what? Whatever. Hurry up. We need to go straight into makeup, I’ll wait for you outside. 

You were about to storm off before Tom stopped you. 

“What?” 

“Give me a smile,” he grinned. 

You raised your middle finger at him and then stormed out. This wasn’t going to be easy. 

However, he was rather decent after it, you went through makeup, wardrobe and eventually you were there, watching him walk into the set. You had a bottle of water waiting for him, along everything else he’d asked you. 

He had been asking for a lot of things, every time he was sure that Tim was somehow close, Tom would bring up the most stupid request, and then add ‘please y/n, dear.’ 

He was terrible. 

But you sat down, now ready to watch the scene. The director was giving him notes, and Tom was nodding, listening to him as he was getting ready. One of the things you had to admit that you loved about him, was his commitment, and even if you hated him, you knew he was very good at his job. Even the adorable facade he pulled to the world. You were very aware he was nice, and there were things that made you genuinely smile about him, but of course, he had a whole different persona when it came to you, and that’s when the magic simply stopped. 

But you watched him as the light was falling to him, the frame was him and only him, even if he was not really doing much, you loved how he would change from whatever he was being and turn into an actual professional. And he looked attractive, even if the makeup he was wearing now covered the freckles you loved. And your mind wandered, a spring frame, maybe even beginning of summer, of strawberries and the sun shining, a turquoise bike and a race towards the ice cream parlour. Memories, memories, memories. 

 But you cleared your throat, not wanting to stare too much, even if the tight clothes he was wearing had you thinking. You thought it was ironic, even, 80’s type of clothing they’d chosen, and he… Had you thinking thoughts. Sins. But, honestly who wouldn’t sin with a devil like him? 

But you looked away because you knew yourself, you knew the effect Tom had on you, and hell after that night, the effect had grown stronger. 

You decided to look around, as you were trying to look up for Timmy.

Someone tapped on your shoulder. 

“Hey,” someone whispered in your ear as you jumped in surprise, but finally turned your head to see Timothée standing right behind you. 

“Hi,” you whispered as he grinned. 

“Sorry for… scaring you,” he cleared his throat. “I didn’t mean to-” 

“No, no you’re good, it’s okay, I just didn’t expect to see you here,” you admitted, your voice lowered as you finally laid your attention back on him. 

“Yeah, it’s weird,” he chuckled. “Usually after a breakup, you don’t have to see your ex working with… Well,” he bit his lip, as he motioned for you to walk away with him, further from the cameras and mics. 

“Yeah, with one of the reasons for the breakup,” you clicked your tongue. “But I mean.” You dug your hands into your pockets. Another reason as to why you hated Tom was that he’d been so delicate on trying to push you and Tim away from each other. 

“You saw it, didn’t you? What I meant,” he sighed. 

You looked away. “Tim.” 

“He’s obsessed with you,” Tim scoffed as he shook his head. “And I can’t blame him, honestly, I am completely obsessed with you, too,” he grinned and you just smiled to yourself. “But… Well, it’s not exactly comforting to… you know.” 

“He’s not obsessed with me, he doesn’t even like me,” you shrugged as you turned to see Tom as he was still listening to the director, too focused to know. “He’s… only trying to find ways to bother me.” 

“Don’t you think that’s…” Timmy licked his lips. 

“I can’t blame him, I kind of do the same,” you confessed, chuckling slightly. “Anything to see him angry.” 

He pushed back a lost strand of hair. “Hm, maybe this is for the best, maybe right now we can finally spend time together.” 

But you knew that the distance in your relationship hadn’t really come from actual space, you’d been emotionally distant to each other. However, when you looked into his eyes, maybe everything was forgotten. How could you not get lost into the way he looked at you? 

But you couldn’t think about it now, you had something very important to do. Yet you couldn’t forget it, an autumn frame, with leaves falling down, as you ran towards him and you laughed as the night was fading in, eating cherries, and kissing him, once, twice and forever. 

You coughed, as you avoided his gaze, coming back to normality. 

“Tim, I…” You cleared your throat. “There’s something.” 

“Why do I feel like I won’t like that something?” He scrunched his nose. 

You licked your lips as you turned away, and you noticed Tom, you caught him staring. He quickly turned back to the director. 

“I just really meant what I said, I need time right now,” you gulped. “I don’t think I can emotionally commit to anything, can we… please be friends?” 

Timmy bit his lip but then grinned. “I’ll have to live with that,” he sighed. “But please don’t mind if I stare too long, I can’t help it, y/n. I’m an Icarus, remember?” 

You nudged him. “Don’t fly too close to the sun,” you warned him. 

He smiled. “C'mere, I’ll show you something cool,” he said as he led the way close back to where they were filming. They hadn’t started yet, but you saw Tom. 

Tom gave you another glance and then ignored you. 

You felt guilty, and weren’t sure why. But then you turned your attention to Timmy, who pointed out the lights on the set, and then to some props and explained what they meant and how it revolved around the story, and it was fascinating, knowing that little things that didn’t seem important would turn out to be so important. 

“The story is hidden between the little details,” Tim said. “Like that flower pot, you see it?” He pointed to it. 

“Yeah.” 

“It’ll change through scenes, the pot will get darker as…” Timmy explained. 

“Right,” you grinned. 

But everyone started to shush everyone, they would start filming. 

-

You had been quiet for the rest of the day, you had received Tom’s lunch and hadn’t even said any words to him. You’d been thinking about… a lot of things, really. But mostly Timothée, and how this was wrong. Very, very wrong. But there were worse things you could do, right? 

Tom had decided to have his lunch in his trailer, and he’d invited you over with him. Of course, it probably was only because he didn’t want you around Timmy. 

“Y/N?” Tom called. “Aren’t you going to eat?” He asked as you were biting on your cheek, nervously staring at the food. 

“Hm? Oh, yes, sorry.” 

He watched you. “So… I saw you talking to…” Tom cleared his throat. “Timothée,” he pronounced his name dragging his tongue and pitching his voice. 

“Yeah.” 

He blew his cheeks. “Hey, I can… I can get another assistant if you’re uncomfortable being near him…”

You chuckled. “Trying to get rid of me already?” 

“No… I’m just… I don’t want you feeling sad,” he pointed out. 

“I’m not sad.” 

He shrugged. “Well, you look sad.” 

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Tom shrugged. “And it bothers me.” 

“Does it now?” You questioned. 

“It’s my job making you sad and I’m angry he’s doing it,” he grinned. 

You rolled your eyes. “Of course.” 

“What happened then?” He pushed. 

You looked away. “Nothing, Tom. We broke up, I told him we had to be friends for now, and that’s it.” 

Tom watched you, he seemed calculated. He probably wanted ways to make you feel bad, that was Tom. Amazing memory when it comes to annoy you.

“Why did you break up?” 

Distance. Him. Harry. Timothée knowing you got tired of waiting before and thinking you’d settled with him. Dreams that had to be changed for plans, and plans which involved being away. Timothée pointing out you had had feelings for Tom. You probably did. Timothée pointing out Harry was probably in love with you. You, being aware of it, but deciding to ignore it, or not accept it. Selfish conversations. Jealousy. Long conversations that turned into small talk. Because you felt like strangers. Intimacy was gone. No more sparks. Secrets that you both held. Tom. Because you’d gotten drunk once and said something about Tom that one shouldn’t say when you’re dating someone.  

That was a summary. 

“I… well, it’s too complicated.” A summary he didn’t deserve to know. 

Tom shrugged. “Why?”

There was a part of you that was thinking about how you could make someone fall in love. You thought about Timothée, you loved how sincere he was. Maybe being sincere could help you. Being vulnerable helps. 

“I think we fell in love very quickly and we didn’t stop to see if there was… anything else going on with us, like myself I—he just I dunno, we changed and we were so into the idea of who we were at the beginning.” You didn’t even know what you were trying to say. 

“I’m not following.”  

“I feel like,” you sincered yourself. “At least with me, it started out as… as me escaping from something else you know? I was trying to avoid other problems and it came as a simple solution but in the end I fell in love with him.” You didn’t regret falling in love with him. 

“Meaning?”

“It was kind of a—getaway,” you licked your lips. “Escaping, but not really. I had too many feelings just trying to explode and I— I just let my feelings explode into him, I guess I wanted to love someone and he walked in.”

“A rebound?” Tom questioned. 

“Not really.” Besides, you hadn’t talked about this with anyone, not even with Harry, or Sam. It felt wrong. 

“So you were looking for a fling?”

“Well, no, it’s complicated,” you admitted. “But I just… really loved him, you know? But he’s very observant, and he caught up on it.” 

“Observant, huh.”

“Yes and he pointed out things which I’ve been oblivious to, or maybe not oblivious but I was too dedicated to avoiding them that I forgot about them,” you sighed. 

“What kind of things?” 

“Stuff, I dunno,” you ran a hand through your hair. 

He watched you, carefully. “What do you see in him anyway? He’s boring.” 

You chuckled, slightly. “He’s brilliant, and besides, I can say more about him than that short skirt who asked you out today.” 

He smirked. “Jealous?” 

“What would I be jealous for?” You rolled your eyes. “If anything I’m thankful. I’m hoping she’ll be able to calm you and your horny ass down,” you bellowed. 

He laughed. “She won’t be, I won’t go out with her.” He shrugged with fake shame. 

You frowned. “Why not?” 

Tom clicked his tongue. “Because, she’s…” 

“Dull? Yeah, I noticed that too,” you chided. “Don’t date someone like her.” 

Tom grinned. “I wasn’t going to,” he surmised. “But, please do tell me,  what kind of people should I date?” 

You bit your lip as you gave it a thought. “Someone with layers,” you began. “Fun, and who can put up with all your shit.” 

He raised an eyebrow with a smug smirk. “Hm, sounds like someone like you?”

You laughed. “No, no, sweetheart,” you rolled your eyes. “Someone who can actually stand you”

He laughed as he moved his chair to be closer. “Since when do you care about who I date?” 

You watched him with curiosity. “I don’t,” you cleared out. “What? Did you want me to care? 

He coughed. “I love how you manage to change the subject to avoid talking about how boring your ex is.” 

You nudged him. “He’s not boring, he’s amazing.” 

“He’s not, I saw him explaining bloody props to you,” he laughed. “Props. God, he is boring, why did you date someone like him? He’s literally… Look, I remember this one time when he was rambling about some boring shit, see I can’t even remember what he said? And gosh, everything he says is so poetic, and it’s like bro calm down,” Tom said disgusted. 

“I like that,” you laughed. “Maybe he’s just too smart for you, your little brain cell can’t handle it.” 

He glared at you as he brushed his hand against your leg, you coughed looking at it. “Ha-ha, no, but really y/n, you should date someone fun, someone who can make you laugh.” 

You smirked. “Hm… Since when do you care about who I date?” You said, walking your own fingers through his arm. 

He shrugged. “I’ve always cared about that, don’t be silly,” he looked at you, as his hand stopped your fingers, and then played with your hand instead. 

“Oh, really?” 

“Yes, y/n, because you’ve paraded around with assholes, man, you’re really bad at choosing boyfriends,” he chuckled as his other hand landed on your knee. 

You laughed. “I do have a tendency to crush on assholes, I used to have a crush on you, remember?” You stated with pride as you lifted his chin. 

He laughed as he bit his lip. “Point proven.” 

You gulped and looked away. “But Tim is different.” 

“But he is boring,” he scooted closer, you were barely an inch far away. 

“He’s not.” You looked away

“What did you see in him?” He pushed again and turned your head to him. “Okay, was he good in bed?” He chuckled. 

You blushed. “Oh my god, you shouldn’t ask that.” 

He snickered softly as he leaned over closer. “All I’m asking, y/n, is…”He lowered his voice, you felt his hot breath against your lips. “...if he’s able to get you all flustered only by… playing this kind of game and,” he glanced down at your lips, as he placed a single peck upon the corner of your lips.

You didn’t even flinch. “Are you sure you’re not the one losing, though?” 

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Plus One

Welcome to part 5 of Plus One. We are approaching the end of this mini fic, but do not worry my loves. We still have a few parts left. I hope you enjoy part 5, and please remember to leave comments, reblog, and add tags. It motivates me to continue writing for you all. 💜

Note: Just a reminder, though this fic may seem fast, it takes place over the course of a few months!! 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Pia’s POV*

Eight bright, colorful beanbags are scattered around the floor in a private room at the back end of the library. It’s quiet, far away from small children who squeal excitedly when they spot their favorite comic book and a good distance away from the college students who gather at the old wooden tables to recite chemistry flashcards in one big study group.

Black coffee and burnt wood is the signature smell of the book club room. Only a few windows are open, allowing just a bit of sunshine and breeze to fill the room. The aura is comforting.

“Okay, everyone,” I say, setting the book in my lap. I believe The Catcher in the Rye is a classic, but various opinions, both positive and negative, have been directed toward the book over the years. Romance is the genre I’ve always been drawn to, fiction or nonfiction, but I can certainly appreciate a coming-of-age novel. “How did we feel about the story?”

Margaret, an elderly woman with curly gray hair and silver glasses, raises her hand timidly. It’s the first time she has volunteered to speak since the start of our club. I give her an encouraging smile, nodding. “I enjoyed it very much, though it was slow at times.”

A small contribution, but a contribution nonetheless. “Thank you Margaret. Would anyone else like to share?”

Shayne, a third-year college student, wiggles his fingers and clears his throat. “I would.” He snaps the book shut with one hand. “The book itself is enjoyable. There’s a lot of important themes that are entwined in the storyline. But Holden, and let me be clear, I feel terrible for saying this about a sixteen-year-old, was insufferable.”

“I thought I was the only one who thought so!” Stacy chirps from her beanbag. The thirty-year old mother of two crosses her ankles, drumming her fingers on the spine of her novel. “I was under the impression that Holden believed he was better than everyone else. His personality alone was enough to make me despise the book and it’s a shame. I wanted to love it.”

“That’s an interesting point, Stacy.” Setting my book on the ground, I adjust my legs deeper into the beanbag while the rest of the book club eagerly sits forward, awaiting my response. “And this is why I love reading so much. Whether the story is true or not, we know Holden Caulfield is not a real person, though there have been assumptions that J.D. Salinger modeled Holden after himself. Stacy, you said that Holden’s personality gave you enough reason to not enjoy the book. We certainly have to appreciate Salinger’s talent as an author. He was able to create a character that made you feel such strong emotions.” The club nods in agreement before I continue. “Now Shayne, you mentioned themes. Explain a bit more for me.”

“Gladly,” he answers eagerly. “Innocence. It’s the main theme. Holden, for lack of a better term, is obsessed with the preservation of childhood innocence. I do think that’s admirable, and while he was intolerable in my opinion, I can understand his desire to conserve one’s purity.”

“I assume there’s going to be a but in your next statement,” Charlie pipes up with a chuckle. The forty-seven year old retired firefighter wears a kind smile on his face.

“But,” Shayne smirks and holds up a finger. “Holden is one big contradiction, and here’s why. We know how much Holden hated the adult world and it’s “phoniness”. It’s the whole reason he wanted to preserve innocence wherever he could. Holden himself was a phony, a fake. He condemns adulthood but is seemingly unaware of his own phoniness. I now hate this word, by the way.”

A collective chuckle sounds in the room. I shake my head but can’t help the growing smile. The book club has been the highlight of my week so far.

“Anyway,” Shayne continues. “He’s deceptive and a compulsive liar. Holden is the epitome of what he hates.”

“That is a fantastic observation, Shayne, and thank you for sharing.” He bows dramatically before slinking back deeper into the beanbag. “Before we conclude our meeting and I introduce our new book, I have a question. Does anyone know why Holden’s name is symbolic to the story?”

I can see the wheels turning in their brains, and for a moment I think I’ve stumped them. Charlie looks like he wants to answer, but nothing comes out of his mouth. I take the chance to speak up. “First, does anyone know what a caul is?”

Stacy’s hand shoots up in the air. “I think I learned about this in one of my birthing classes but forgive me if I’m wrong. But isn’t the caul a part of the amnion that protects an unborn baby? Near the head, right?”

I snap my finger and point to Stacy excitedly. “Yes! And what does the name Holden sound like?”

“Holden...hold...en...hold...hold on?” Charlie asks skeptically.

“Exactly right,” I grin proudly. “Put it all together.”

“Oh my gosh,” Margaret says softly. Everyone turns toward the older woman. “In the book there was mention of Holden imagining children frolicking in a rye field. I just realized it now. He’s the catcher in the rye field, protecting the children. Holden Caulfield. Hold on to childhood innocence.”

I grin wildly, clapping along with the rest of the book club members. “Incredible, Margaret. You’re exactly right.”

“So, what’s our next book?” Shayne asks, hands tapping his thighs. “I’m feeling a mystery book.”

“Or Sci-Fi,” Charlie answers.

“Oooo, Sci-Fi,” Shayne murmurs excitedly.

“Neither,” I say, giggling at their frowns. From my purse, I pull out a purple paperback book and show it to the group. “Historical fiction mixed with romance. Our next book is The Madness of Lord Ian Mackenzie. I’ve never heard of it, so I’m sure you haven’t either. It’s about the same length as The Catcher in the Rye, maybe only a few pages more. Let’s all try to read the first five chapters and we’ll meet again next week.”

Stacy, Charlie, and Margaret bid farewell. Shayne stays back with me, shooting me a smirk as I gather my belongings. “Another romance novel, huh? Something you’d like to share with the class? Maybe his name?”

A slow smile spreads across my lips. I sling my purse over my shoulder, clamping a hand down on Shayne’s. “He’s a dream, Shayne. I’ve known him forever, but it’s finally official,” Two months ago, I used to cringe on the word official when it wasn’t. It still isn’t, but something between us feels different, feels real. The more I’m with him, the more I don’t want to pretend.

Shayne slings an arm around my shoulder, leading me out of the room. He’s had his fair share of relationship issues as well, but at twenty-one, he’s still young. “I’m glad one of us isn’t having boy trouble. Philip called me the other day, said he wants to get back together.”

“Are you going to?”

Shayne makes a face, opening the front door of the library. He scoots aside, letting me walk first. “Hell no, Sweets. He was a terrible boyfriend,” Shayne considers for a moment. “At least the sex was good. You think he’d settle for friends with benefits?”

I laugh heartily, pushing Shayne’s shoulder. “That’s a recipe for disaster, my friend. You want my advice? Spend some time on yourself. Find out what you really want in life.”

I head off to my car, Shayne walking the opposite way to his. Before I can slide into the seat, Shayne calls out to me. “Is he the one?”

I don’t have to think about it. It comes out naturally. “Without a doubt.”

~~~

Janielle has outdone herself, but I never expected anything less. Desserts are on every counter in her kitchen, from cupcakes to brownies and pastries. Outside on the back deck, a long white table is filled from end to end with finger foods and appetizers. With a beer in his hand, Dominic flips burgers expertly at the grill, shooting his wife a goofy grin when she utters a stern ‘be careful’. The rest of the adults gather on the patio, laughing and drinking, while the kids swim excitedly in the pool.

It’s the hottest day in August so far, and I can’t tell if my cheeks are red from the heat or from my constant ogling of Nikki’s shirtless chest. I watch from the deck as Nikki, Vince, and Amanda clink their bottles together and down their drinks. Nikki wins, throwing his hands up in the air dramatically, before turning his head to shoot me a wink. I laugh and shake my head, holding up my glass of wine that is still half full.

“So, you and Sixx,” My laughter is cut off by Dom, whose eyes twinkle with the same amusement present in his voice. “How about that?”

My stomach flips just at the mention of Nikki. “Going on almost four months,” I answer proudly, swirling the wine in my glass. “We’ve got nothing on you and Janielle, though.”

Dom smirks, carefully plating more burgers. I take the plate from him, and he nods in thanks. “Hey, not everyone knows who they’re going to marry at sixteen years old.”

This time, my heart beats faster just at the brief mention of marriage. I try not to let myself think of a long-term commitment with Nikki just yet. To everyone else, we’ve been official for a few months. But to myself and Nikki, we’re just two best friends playing a role.

“It’s too early to talk about marriage just yet,” I reply with a soft grin.

“But it’s a possibility in the future, yes?” Dom asks, stacking the last few burgers on the plate.

All I can answer with is a subtle nod just before I feel an arm snake around my waist. I crane my neck to glance up at Nikki just as his lips press a kiss to my jaw. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Dom’s lazy smile and it puts me at ease knowing that Nikki and I have done our job at convincing everyone that what’s between us is true.

“Hi gorgeous,” Nikki greets breathily. “You doing okay?”

“Never better,” I answer truthfully, leaning back into his chest. I hand off the plate of burgers to Dom before directing my attention back to Nikki. “Are you?”

Nikki nods, arm tightening around my waist. “I’m perfect.” He holds up three empty beer bottles. “Come with me?”

I nod and take his hand, letting him lead me into the kitchen. While Nikki rummages through Janielle’s fridge for more beer, I steal a cannoli from the dessert tray, biting into the sweet cream.

“I’m having so much fun with you,” I blurt out honestly, licking the cream from my lips.

For a brief second, something flashes across Nikki’s face, almost as if my statement mimicked a bitter taste in his mouth. It’s gone just as fast as it came, replaced by an easy smile. “I am too, P.”

I bite my lip as Nikki opens the three bottles, eyes lingering on his tattooed arms. He catches me, smirking. “Pretty girl, you’re not exactly trying to hide it, you know.”

I blush, looking away like I always do when a compliment from Nikki is directed my way. And because I look away, I miss Nikki freeze in alarm, eyes wide, studying me.

When I turn back around, I notice his lips are in a thin line, jaw clenched ever so slightly. “P, I think we need to talk about something.”

His voice is serious, more serious than it’s ever been, and momentarily I fear the worst. Nikki’s fingers fidget nervously, and I can tell whatever is on his mind has been there for quite some time. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” It’s not a convincing answer, but I don’t say anything as he continues. “It’s more of a question, actually.” His hands fall at his side as he steps forward, exhaling a strangled breath. “Are we...what we’re doing…” His voice goes low. “We’re still pretending, right?”

There’s a lump forming in my throat, and I try my best to speak around it without giving off the impression that I’m either extremely hopeful he wants to make this real, or going to start crying because he wants to call everything off. “Yeah. Unless…unless you don’t want to pretend--.”

“No, no,” He says all too quickly, hands skimming my arms. “I like pretending. Pretending is good, safe. I just...wanted to make sure we’re still on the same page.” He grabs my hands, pressing a gentle kiss to each, before grabbing the bottles from the counter.

And as he leaves Janielle’s kitchen with a smile, I’m left standing alone and more confused than I’ve ever been.

[cali-holland]

Something Blue- Tom Holland One Shot

Pairing: Tom Holland X Reader

Requested by anon: Hello! I love your writing. If it’s not a big deal, can I please request a Tom x reader where it’s their wedding day? and it kind of just follows the events of the wedding (getting ready, photos, vows, the after party, the wedding night)? Sorry if that’s too specific! I hope you’re staying safe 🥰

Prompt: Today’s the first day of the rest of your life.

Word Count: 1400

Warnings: sexual themes ig???

Masterlist   Tom Holland Masterlist

*Moodboard is mine, pics used are not*

~~~

The first day of the rest of your life. The first day of forever. That’s what everyone always called their wedding day. It was odd though for this to be such a special day, shared between you and the people you love so much, and yet you wake up alone. You weren’t really one to believe in superstitions, but neither you nor Tom wanted to accidentally jinx it by seeing each other before the wedding ceremony, even if that meant sleeping alone that night.

You stretched a little, still trying to wake up after turning off your alarm. The sun streaming in through the blinds told you that the weather would be on your side today, and for that you were thankful. Yawning, you grabbed your phone off the nightstand and opened it to a new text from Tom.

‘Good morning, future wifey. Can’t wait to see you later ;)’

You smiled typing back, ‘Good morning to you, too, future hubby. See you at the altar’.

Still smiling to yourself, you got ready for the big day ahead. Hours later, your hair and makeup was done and perfect, and you made your way over to the country club, which had been transformed into a magnificent venue over the past couple of days. Inside one of the special rooms specifically for the bridal party, you met with your mother, Nikki, and your bridesmaids.

“How are you feeling?” Your mother asked, smiling brightly at you.

“Like I can’t wait to be at the altar already.” You replied, blushing as you spoke. You were a little bit nervous, but you loved Tom and you wanted more than anything to get married to him; he was the one for you, forever and always after today. “I just wish I could see him already.”

“He’s just as excited as you are.” Nikki smiled, “I don’t think he slept at all last night.”

Everyone left you for a few minutes so that you could get changed into your dress, and your bridesmaids returned to help zip you up. As you looked at yourself in the mirror, you felt yourself growing a little bit more anxious. This was really happening, you were going to get married to your best friend; and the guests were starting to arrive, which just even further solidified that.

A knock came from the door, and you wondered who it was for a moment before Harry stepped inside. Nikki looked at his nervous face and quickly asked, “Is something wrong?”

“No,” He shook his head, before looking at you with a small smile. “Tom’s just really nervous, and he wants to talk to you. Do you think I could bring him over and you talk to him through the door?”

“Of course.” You said softly, nodding.

“Be right back.” Harry replied, leaving the room and hurrying to go get his older brother. A few moments later and there was another knock on the door, and luckily it was thin enough that you could hear Tom through it.

“Hi, darling.” He spoke to the door, and you stood on the other side, feeling your heart soar at his voice.

“Hi, honey.” You answered with a small laugh.

“Are you in your dress? Got your veil on and everything?” Tom asked.

“Yeah,”

“You look so beautiful. I haven’t seen you yet, but I just know it. You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” Tom leaned against the doorframe a little, but turned his head so his mouth was still close to the door itself.

“Tom, you’re going to make me cry and ruin my mascara before the wedding even starts.” You teased, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He let out a small sigh, “I should go, let you finish getting ready.”

“Wait, close your eyes.” You slowly opened the door, keeping your body hidden behind the door. Your hand found his and he squeezed it gently, reassuring both of you. After a moment of silent, comforting hand holding, he let go, knowing he really had to get back.

“I’ll see you at the altar.” Tom said as you closed the door again.

“Can’t wait.” You smiled, before you heard him walk away down the hall. 

“That was the cutest thing in the world. What the hell, I want one.” Your bridesmaid joked, making everyone laugh. Nothing like a chronically single bridesmaid to ease the nerves at a wedding.

It didn’t take long before you were making your way down the aisle, a few tears in your eyes as you watched Tom try to slyly wipe away his own tears. You both laughed a little as you came to a stop in front of him at the altar. You handed your bouquet of flowers over to your maid of honor, and Tom took your hand in his, squeezing it just as he had done earlier.

“You look beautiful.” He mouthed to you.

“You look handsome.” You mouthed back, before the two of you turned to the officiant. When it was time for the vows, you turned back to face Tom, nothing but love and adoration in your eyes for him.

“Y/N, my love,” Tom smiled as he nervously rubbed his thumb across the back of your hand. You squeezed his hand lightly, silently telling him you loved him, “I swear to be there for you, today and every day. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I vow to always keep a smile on your face and to love you every day for the rest of my life. Forever and always.”

“And I vow to love you, Tom, every single moment for the rest of our lives together. I promise to always be a listening ear and positive support. You have always been the sunshine of my life, and I vow to be the sunshine of yours, always making you happy and always making sure you know just how much I love you. Forever and always.” You repeated the words back to him, making him somehow smile even brighter than he had been smiling before.

And on went the exchanging of rings, where both of you just about dropped them from being so overwhelmingly elated. The officiant barely said his famous words when Tom kissed you. It was a classic, modest kiss, until his hands landed on your waist and he dipped you overdramatically, making you laugh into the kiss as everyone awed and cheered.

“I love you so much.” Tom murmured, lips barely off yours.

“I love you more than anything.” You beamed.

After all the pictures, you two went to the banquet hall, adorned with white drapes, fairy lights, and light green accents. Your two chairs specifically had leaves draped over them, with golden signs reading “wifey” and “hubby”. A large H made of roses sat in the corner by the three tiered cake. It was all so picture perfect, and with Tom by your side, it was a dream come true. Following the few toasts from the bridal party, dinner was served to everyone, and you and Tom finally got a moment alone.

“You know what I haven’t figured out yet?” Tom asked you quietly. You hummed in response, and he leaned over to your chair, whispering in your ear, “What’s something blue?”

“Guess you’ll have to wait and find out.” You teased.

“It’s your garter, isn’t it?” He smirked, sounding enthusiastic about the upcoming garter toss. You playfully rolled your eyes at him, and he pressed a kiss to your cheek. 

When it came time for the bouquet and garter toss, Tom was amused (but not at all surprised) to find the lacy blue garter just above your knee. The only surprising thing, and worrying thing, about the garter toss was the fact that Paddy of all people caught it. Tom was thoroughly amused with his youngest brother, but Nikki wasn’t.

At the end of the night, you and Tom made your way back home. Your honeymoon flight out to Rome was tomorrow morning, giving you two plenty of time to rest before catching a flight.

“Got anything else blue under here?” Tom asked you cheekily, reaching for the zipper of your dress.

“Try something new.” You laughed, pulling him in for a kiss to start your wedding night off right.

~~~

Tag List: @viagracex​ @theamazingtomholland​ @hellomoveonby @heyitsshrez @harrisonosterfieldhazmyheart​

Tom Tag List: @quaksonhehe​ @tomkindholland

[lemonpeter]

Sugar and Spice

Chapter 2

Sorry this one is slightly shorter, I just wanted to get the actual information and plot with all the complicated bits out of the way lol and liked the way this ended 💕 next week will be a much longer chapter with more fun stuff. I hope everyone enjoys 💕

Warnings: medical discussions, talk of a procedure (IUI) (Intrauterine Insemination), discussion of pregnancy

1.7K words

————

So much paperwork.

Peter and Tony felt like they were drowning in paperwork, something new to fill out or finalize every time they got a chance to relax. It was exhausting.

They kept telling themselves that it was worth it. It would all be worth it to have their beautiful baby in the end.

They’d had in their minds that Beatrice was going to be their surrogate since that first in-person meeting with her. So all it had taken was finishing up the remainder of the official process for them to have it all in writing. No more tense meetings, very little questions or concerns. She was who they wanted. And she was happy to work with them.

It was beyond relieving when they got the notice that they had finally finished all of their side of the legal process. And Beatrice was finishing up hers as they spoke.

It wouldn’t be too much longer before the insemination process started. Then things would really get rolling.

Everyone involved was excited.

Peter laid in bed with Tony the night it was all finalized, arms wrapped around his husband. They had laid in silence for a while, each thinking their own thoughts and processing the events of the busy day.

They’d finished up their paperwork. Beatrice had finished hers just before their lawyer closed his office for the night. Just in time. So the rest of the process could be started in the morning.

Tony sighed softly, breaking Peter out of his thoughts.

“What is it?” He asked softly.

“I just...are you sure that you’re okay with the baby biologically being mine? And not yours,” Tony asked quietly. It had been on his mind a lot. He knew they’d been through it all, pros and cons, and decided together. But he wanted to be sure that his husband wouldn’t regret it.

Peter’s expression softened. “Of course it’s okay. And- aside from all the paperwork for it being finished now- there’s nothing I’d do to change it. This is the best option, Tones.”

It was no secret that Tony was getting older. And there was no telling how much longer he would be fertile enough to help conceive a child. Peter was still younger, if they later decided to have another child then he would be the donor. But for this baby, it was decided that Tony was the best choice.

“Okay, honey. Okay. If you’re sure.” Tony turned slightly, kissing Peter gently. “This is just such a big thing. I want everything to be perfect. No regrets.”

“I promise you there won’t be any regrets. I promise, Tony,” Peter whispered. “Now...it’s been a long day, yeah? We should get to sleep. You get cranky if you don’t get your eight hours,” he teased.

Tony huffed softly, trying to mask the laugh that came with it. “Says Mr. I’ll kill you if you wake me up before eight.”

Peter laughed, holding his husband close. He moved one leg over his hip, relaxing as he got into a more comfortable position. “Sleep. Then we’ll both be happy.”

“Uh huh. Goodnight, honey.”

“Goodnight, grumpy.”

————

They were in contact with Beatrice the next morning, going over all that would have to be done.

A meeting was set up for a few days later so they could talk face to face. And it was the last time they’d see each other before the actual procedure.

Being so close to the big day made both nerves and excitement high.

They met up at the same cafe as before, gathered around the table and were comfortable as they talked.

“You don’t need to worry, I’ve already been monitoring my cycle for weeks now, since we started talking. Just so we wouldn’t have to wait too long to see where things were, yeah?” Beatrice told them with a smile.

It wasn’t her first time, so she already knew what to expect. And she was happy to walk the couple through the entire process.

“Yeah, that’s really helpful. Perfect, even.” Tony nodded. “So...what’s next?”

“Next we do the actual IUI because if we don’t within twenty four hours of ovulation, we’ve gotta wait all over again. And that’s not ideal.”

“And- so you’ve already got the stuff?” Tony asked her, fingers tapping at the table. It wasn’t that he was ashamed of what they were doing- it just didn’t seem like appropriate coffee shop conversation to ask if she had his sperm samples. So he tried to casually avoid the actual phrasing.

“Don’t make it sound like I’m doing drugs, please.” Beatrice laughed. “But yes, I have the stuff. If you don’t want to call it what it actually is. The procedure is gonna be done tomorrow, if you want to come see me or anything.”

Peter tugged on Tony’s arm gently. “We’ll definitely come see you,” he assured the woman. “You have to stay there a little while, right?”

“Yep! Gives everything a chance to settle in and…” she gestured vaguely towards her stomach. “Yknow. Take hold.” She chuckled.

The man nodded. “That makes sense. But...there’s a chance it won’t take after just the first cycle,” he said nervously. “Right?” He’d done a lot of research, wanting to understand what she’d be going through for them.

She sighed softly. “There’s always that chance. But we just have to hope for the best. I’ve been on medications that are supposed to increase fertility, your man here has nothing wrong with his end of the bargain, so we should be good to go.” She gave him a reassuring smile.

“You’re just going to say everything but the technical term now, aren’t you?” Tony asked, trying not to look amused. He failed.

“Oh, that’s on you. You refused to say it first, now I’m gonna do everything I can to avoid saying it as well,” Beatrice said innocently. “Wouldn’t want to make my intended parents uncomfortable.”

Peter laughed, covering his mouth. Oh, there was no doubt in his mind that she was the perfect person to be helping them. There were a lot of other good factors, but the fact that she had a sense of humor and was even willing to tease Tony made everything that much easier. Nothing tense between any of them. It was all light and fun and as easy as possible.

“Okay, yeah, I guess I did start this,” Tony agreed, snorting. “Whatever. Have your fun.” He gave her a more sincere smile. “But I do hope everything goes well tomorrow.”

“It’ll be fine,” she assured them. “Nothing I haven’t done before.”

“Not too much pain?”

“Not much. And I’ve been through worse, so it’s alright. And it’ll be worth it,” she told them. “It will all be worth it to me for your baby.”

Her phone chimed and she glanced down to check the notification. She smiled a little. “My ex is dropping off Nikki. So I can let you guys go,” she told them, answering the text quickly. She’d told them all about her own daughter during their various meetings, gushed about how much she loved her.

She really loved being a parent. And she loved being able to help others be the same.

“Maybe we could-“ Peter stopped himself, shaking his head. “Sorry. That was definitely overstepping. Forget it.” He didn’t want to overstep, asking to meet the woman’s child. It was different than asking to meet a child she was just a surrogate for, he knew, but he still didn’t want to make her uncomfortable at all.

“No, finish what you were going to say. It’s okay,” she told him.

“I just...maybe we could meet her? I don’t know, I just kind of want to meet your daughter.” He smiled a little. He wanted to meet the girl that would technically be his child’s half sister. And he kind of wanted to see Beatrice interacting with her daughter.

“Of course! Yeah, that’s totally okay,” Beatrice assured him. “She’ll be here in just a couple minutes. I’ll warn you, she’s kinda shy, but you two are fairly calm so she should warm up quickly.”

Peter glanced to Tony. “I mean, I’m calm. You might have to work on it,” he joked.

“I bet she’ll like me sooner than she’ll like you,” he challenged.

Beatrice snorted, shaking her head. “Are you fighting over my kid now? Maybe you two should just get home and relax. Already trying to be competitive.”

Tony laughed. “Nah, we’ll be fine. I wanna meet the little squirt. And-“

His phone went off, lighting up with a notification from Pepper. “Shit, I must have forgotten something.” He read over the text, wincing. “Forgot to send her that document...Which is sitting on my desk at home. Tell Nikki we’re sorry we missed her, next time. I’ve gotta get this to Pep.”

Peter pouted, bottom lip poking out. He knew they had to get home. But it didn’t mean he had to like it. He had really wanted to meet the girl. But he figured that it could wait until a little later. It wasn’t like there was much choice. “Okay, okay.”

He stood up, pushing his chair in. “We’ll see you tomorrow, B, the procedure is at…?”

“Noon,” she answered, a soft smile on her face.

“Then we'll be there at one. Does that sound alright?” He asked, grabbing his phone and tucking it into his pocket.

Beatrice nodded. “Of course. I’ll see you then!” She said happily.

“We’ll be thinking of you,” Tony told her. “Hoping everything goes smoothly. And we’ll be right there once it’s done.”

“That sounds perfect,” she told them. “Now shoo, don’t want you to miss anything for work. I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ll text you when I’m going in and once I’m out.”

The couple nodded, saying their goodbyes and heading to the car.

“Sweet guys,” Beatrice murmured to herself, smiling. She glanced up when she heard an enthusiastic ‘Mommy!’ and caught the four year old that ran to her.

Being a parent was something she loved more than anything. And as she hugged Nikki close, she watched Tony and Peter’s car drive away.

Being a parent wasn’t something she’d recommend for everyone. But she was beyond thrilled to be able to help others that clearly were going to be good parents. She was happy to be able to give them the opportunity.

[dear--charlie]

Dear Charlie,

I'm in total crisis mode, and I guess you need some context for it to make sense. It's my sister's birthday, and I got our friends to come over for a day or two of hanging out. Normally, this is hard to do because Jack works all the time (and his mother is still very controlling) and Nikki can't find someone to watch her puppy. But, the stars aligned for this. Jack managed to swing sleeping over last night and tonight, and Nikki can come over tonight too.

The other bit of context is that I have a girlfriend now. I have a lot of feelings about it, and I can’t even begin to explain them, but just know that it’s not serious and the newness of it all is freaking me out to the point that I kind of feel like calling the whole thing off so I don’t have to get hurt. That’s a lot to throw at you, and maybe I’ll write a letter about her in the future, but not right now. Right now, I have a bigger problem.

The last bit of context that you need, that you kind of already know, is that I used to have feelings for Jack. I wrote to you years ago, when I was a freshman in college and using a different pen name, about how I loved him, how it broke my heart that he didn’t feel the same. My problem — the crisis — is that I don’t know if those feelings ever went away.

I need to start from the beginning.

I don’t remember exactly how it started. One day, Jack and I were in class together, and something made us laugh. Who knows what it was anymore? It’s not important. The point is that I knew, right then, that I loved him. We were laughing and I was looking at him, and I fell totally, completely silent while the sound still bloomed around me. I just looked at him and felt so scared, because I realized how I felt about him and didn’t know what to do.

I sat with that feeling for months, maybe more than a year if the dates of my old letters are anything to go off of. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship by confessing anything, and he had his own shit to deal with, so I refused to complicate things any further. The problem came when I went to a Halloween party on campus. It was something small, just five or six of us crammed into someone’s dorm, but I’d downed a good seven shots of blue raspberry vodka in the span of a few hours. I didn’t feel drunk, or even tipsy, but I guess it’d given me the courage (or impaired my thinking enough) to tell him how I felt. He was two hours away, and it was two in the morning. I was walking back to my building and the sky was so dark, the air so crisp. I can remember the blue light of my screen illuminating my face while I poured my heart out to him. Then, once I was back in my bed, I shut my phone off so I couldn’t see his reaction.

He was nice about it — he’s always nice — and said that he didn’t feel the same way, but that a possible relationship in the future wasn’t off the table. I remember being mad at him for that. I mean, not at first. Because, at first, all I could focus on was the fact that he said he could see us being together in the future. That giddiness lasted for a day or two, maybe longer, and then the frustration set in. The letters are still up, they’re really melodramatic to me, but I still think the emotions ring true. I was mad because he made me feel like there was hope, and I was mad because it would’ve been easier to move on if he’d just said it was never gonna happen. I wanted to move on, Charlie. Loving him hurt so bad, because I knew it’d never be requited, and I wished that I could’ve loved someone else. So, I was mad.

We kept talking, of course. It didn’t really make things awkward. At least, he never acted like it. Who’s to say how he actually felt? Maybe being around me was like pulling teeth. I don’t know. I won't ask. I sent more letters about him, what I wanted to say and why I could never bring myself to do it. After months of wildly swinging back and forth between pessimism and hope, Nikki’d had enough. She knew about the whole thing, and she was upset that Jack led me on about a potential future relationship (even though he hadn’t meant to). She made him settle things, and I wish I could remember exactly what he said. I want to say that he drew a line in the sand and told me that it wasn’t gonna happen, but I know I’m wrong. Regardless, he made it clear that I needed to move on. So, I did. It took a while, but, eventually, I was so far removed from any romantic feelings towards him that looking back on my old letters made me feel ridiculous, that I was wondering if it was actually love at all. I think it was. I look back on it and I still think it was. In some ways, it was the only time I ever truly loved someone like that.

The problem came last night. We were talking about a new show that I’ve been watching with him. It felt similar to the time I realized I loved him. There was this moment of silence — comfortable, easy silence — and I wanted him to lean in and kiss me. It felt like I got suckerpunched in the chest. I haven’t felt like that in years. It’s been two fucking years, Charlie, and I thought those feelings were gone.

I think the thing that scares me most is the thought that came after. I realized the thing that’d come to mind in the moment, that I wanted him to close the space between us and kiss me, that I wanted him to crawl into my bed and hold me while we slept. I realized it, and nothing about it felt wrong. It should feel wrong. I just wanted it so desperately, so much, that I entertained the idea and wondered what would happen if he actually did those things.

Then, I was scared. I was just absolutely horrified, and I still am. What if these feelings never went away? What if I just fooled myself into thinking I was over him? What if these feelings never disappear? What if I’ll always love him in some latent, repressed way? I wanted to text Nikki and ask for her help, but it was late and I felt embarrassed about telling her how something she thinks — I thought — we settled years ago. I’m glad I didn’t text her, because I think I would’ve rambled and made no sense, but I still want her advice. Maybe I’ll ask her for it once these next few days have passed.

I don’t know what to do, okay? I’m overwhelmed and I can’t stop thinking about it. I feel guilty, because I shouldn’t even be having thoughts like that. He’s my best friend, he has feelings for someone else, and I have a fucking girlfriend for fuck’s sake. I know that the fact I might still have feelings for him says enough about my relationship and where it’s headed. I think I’ll talk to my therapist before making any huge decisions like breaking up with her. What if this is just some weird, freak thing and I never think about Jack in that way again? What if I was just delirious and excited?

Sometimes, I’m scared I can’t tell the difference between platonic and romantic love. I know that I can tell the difference, but I still worry about it. I’ve fallen for a lot of my friends. I know you know that already. You’ve heard about Reise and Gabe, you haven’t heard about Maggie but I don’t even consider that a real relationship (not that I ever had a relationship with Reise or Gabe, nor would I say I actually loved them so much as had a crush on them). On some level, I think a lot of people fall for their best friends. I’ve heard tons of stories like that, of people who were childhood or college best friends that ended up getting married. On another level, I’m not sure if it’s normal. Maybe I’m overthinking it, but it feels like there might be a pattern. Maybe I like the appeal of already knowing someone and them knowing me before I fall in love with them. Though, I have to say, I definitely don’t think I’m in the minority on that one.

My biggest problem, among the many I have with this situation, is regarding my girlfriend. It’s really not fair to compare her to Jack, because they’re wildly different, but I can’t really help thinking about it. Lani is amazing. We matched on Bumble in December, spent months talking with a few breaks dispersed between, and officially got together a little more than two weeks ago. It’s not in any way serious, either. We’ve only managed to meet up in person the one time, and it was really awkward because we were both nervous. Lately, we haven’t been talking much because she’s been really depressed. I get it, because that’s why some of the months we were talking had breaks, because one of us was struggling with our mental health and couldn’t manage to communicate with anybody. I really like her. The group chat likes her too, she fits in well with my friends. She has so much in common with me too, sometimes it’s kind of hilarious.

I feel horrible about this next part.

A few days after we made things official, I started getting the urge to bail. It’s not because I don’t like her, because I do. It’s not because I don’t want a relationship, because (I think) I do. I’ve been trying to figure it out with my therapist. When I explain it to her, it usually goes like this: we don’t know each other super well yet, I’m still not sure if we have chemistry, and it’d be so much easier to not be in a relationship with anybody. It sounds really awful when I say it, I just mean that taking care of myself is something that I’m finally getting better at, and I don’t know if I’m capable of adding responsibility for another person’s feelings to the mix. Not that I’d even be responsible for her feelings. On some level, yeah, I would be, but not entirely.

There’s been this little voice in the back of my head that tells me to ruin everything and tell her I just want to be friends. I’ve gotten good at ignoring it, because I’m pretty sure it’s just my urge to self-sabotage any good thing that happens to me. And, maybe, that’s what this whole thing with Jack is about. Maybe my brain wants a reason to call things off with Lani, so it recycled old feelings with Jack to throw me off. I don’t think that’s it, but it’s a potential theory.

My therapist says that I don’t like change and I don’t want to get hurt. I know she’s right. I really fucking hate change, that’s not new for me. I don’t even like buying new clothes because it’d disturb the rotation of outfits I already wear (that being the same three t-shirts and five pairs of jeans). This is a really big change, alright? I admit that. I haven’t dated anyone in seven fucking years and the last time I had sex...well, I already told you the situation surrounding that in my last letter. As for getting hurt, I don’t want that either. Nobody wants that. I think the bigger issue is not wanting to be vulnerable. I don’t know if I like the idea of letting Lani get to know me in the ways my friends know me already.  It took years to get to that point and I don’t like opening up about myself. That’s funny to me, because I’m so open with them now, but it’s also a little sad.

The problem is, I think I have to compare Jack and Lani. They’re so different, and it still isn’t fair, but it kind of puts a lot into perspective. Just to get it out of the way: gender doesn’t matter to me, it never mattered to me, and I don’t know if I ever mentioned that to you, but I’m saying it now (surprise!). This isn’t some thing about my sexuality being repressed and me feeling like I have to engage in compulsory heterosexuality by being with a woman, because I truly couldn’t give less of a shit about that. I think this might be about potential.

Right now, my relationship with Lani is new and uncharted territory. Things are awkward and I sometimes feel like I’m walking on eggshells to avoid screwing things up. It’s like that phase of a high school relationship where you’re both still trying to impress each other out of fear they’ll lose interest in you for being yourself. It’s fucking exhausting, and I don’t know how long we’ll be in that phase. She’s also beautiful. She’s really beautiful, and I’m attracted to her, but not in that way yet. The thing is, I don’t know if there will even be a yet, because I can’t picture it. What if I just never end up feeling that way about her? I worry about that a lot, and I’m not sure how much of that is from a lack of truly knowing each other or from what happened to me. I told her, pretty quickly after we made things official, that it was possible I’d never be able to have sex with someone again. She doesn’t care, of course. It’s not some dealbreaker for her. She understood my reasoning behind it after I explained and she wants to take things slow anyway, so sex wouldn’t even be on our horizon for a while regardless of my complicated relationship with it.

I keep circling back, but the issue — the crisis again — comes up when I compare her to Jack. We know each other so well. I’d dare to say, right now, that he probably knows me better than anybody (besides my sister or my cousin, Bella). I never have to worry about him not liking me when I act like myself and I never have to worry about not liking him when he acts like himself. We’ve been friends for so long that we’re never anything but ourselves, and that’s a really freeing feeling. I know it’s just because I’ve known him longer, so it isn’t fair to her to give him that credit, but it makes me feel less anxious, less tired, and I never felt like I had to censor myself with him, even when we just started talking.

Jack is beautiful too. I know he doesn’t feel that way, but everyone thinks it, especially now. He grew his hair out, and it kind of surprised everyone that he has curls. It really suits him, but I’m getting distracted. It makes me embarrassed to say this, but I have felt that way about him before. When I was in the full swing of it, when I used to write you letters, I actually had thoughts like that about him. Those thoughts weren’t all it was, but they came to be a part of it.

He knows what happened to me. He knows all of it. I’d broken down one night and started crying, telling him that I thought I’d been sexually assaulted and couldn’t remember all of the details. He was one of the main people, besides Reise or Bella, who helped me come to terms with it. It’s not a subject that comes up a lot, obviously, but it makes me feel better that I never have to explain. Something horrible happened and now my mind is stained because of it, and he understands.

So, what I’m about to say is really big, and it makes me feel like I’m rotten from the inside out — like I’m a stupid, heinous piece of shit. It makes me feel guilty and horrible and disgusting. I know that I’m disgusting, okay? You can think less of me for it, if you want.

If it ever got to that point, if we ever found ourselves in that situation, I think I could sleep with him. And I don’t mean that I fantasize about us having sex, or that I’m even at a place where I’d want to right now. I just mean that, if it happened, I know it wouldn’t send me spiraling.

Most of the time, when I think about the first time I’ll sleep with someone since my assault, I anticipate it ending in a total and complete disaster. I mean, for fuck’s sake, sometimes I can’t even touch myself without having a panic attack or feeling like his hands are around my throat again. I can’t even begin to imagine what would happen if I had sex again. There are times that I think I could do it, that I want to do it, and other times where I’m sure I would have a meltdown so bad that it would send me back to the hospital. I am a pendulum, and I swing wildly, back and forth, between those two feelings. So, please try to understand me when I say that this is no small admission.

He’d be careful with me. He’d make sure I was okay. He’d probably even be hesitant to do anything until he knew I was going to be one hundred percent okay. None of this is to say that Lani wouldn’t do those things either. I’m not saying I couldn’t grow to trust her like that, it’s just really difficult to grasp. I say that about him because I know, truly, that the last thing he’d ever want to do is hurt me (and, again, not saying that she would want to hurt me). Sometimes, and I hate myself for saying this, I think that he might be the only person I could sleep with after what happened to me. Sometimes, I want him to be that person. I wouldn’t trust anyone else to do it, and it’d mean that much more to me if my feelings toward sex would start to improve because of it. I know that’s horrible. You don’t need to tell me.

All of this makes me feel like I’m poisonous, like I’m a fucked up person who only ever hurts people. I don’t want to feel like this. I feel guilty thinking about Jack in any way more than a friend and then hanging out with him like things are normal. I feel even worse entertaining or acknowledging those thoughts when I have Lani. That’s why this scares me. And maybe it is just some weird, intensive thought. Maybe my brain just decided to throw that shit at me and see what I’d do. I don’t know, and it’s killing me. I don’t even want to know what will happen if those feelings keep up. I don’t want them to. It’ll just ruin everything.

I went out a few minutes ago to see if he was awake yet, and to ask if he wanted anything from the coffee shop my mom is headed to on her way home from getting my sister some balloons. He’s asleep on the couch. It’s 9:17 in the morning and the sun is peeking through the spaces between the slats of the blinds. Light dances, it rains down upon his face in warped lines. He’s smiling, albeit softly, even in his sleep, and he’s the most rested as I’ve ever seen him since he started his newest job (so, eight months). I was quiet when I walked into the living room, just in case he wasn’t up, and I felt seasick at the sight of him.

I read this book last week, the first one I’ve managed to sit through and finish in months. There was this line that really stuck out to me and, right then, it’s all my mind would give me. You know that feeling, when you're watching someone sleep and you feel overwhelmed with joy that they exist? It was all I could think of and it hit me like a freight train, so I turned around and walked straight back into my room without double checking to see if he was awake.

I can’t silently pine over him and act like things are fine. I can’t do that. I won’t. It was so fucking painful the last time and I don’t know if I can handle it again. The worst part about it was that I couldn’t talk to him about it! How was I supposed to vent about loving him and not being loved back without being totally obvious that I was talking about him? It really hurt to keep that secret from him and it ate me alive. It’d only feel worse the second time around.

I hope it’s a fluke. I hope I look back at this letter and chastise my past self for being ridiculous or overdramatic. I hope, even if it isn’t a fluke, that I can force those feelings out of me. I know it didn’t work before, that it took almost a year to get over him, if I did at all, but I hope it would this time. I don’t think my heart could take it otherwise.

I need advice, Charlie. I don’t know what to do. Please, please tell me what to do.

Love Always, Just Nick 06 | 15 | 21

[kinghoranshit]

Just Another Normal Story (HS) - PT 1

I yanked on dark denim skinnies. Then pulled on an oversized, ugly, reindeer sweater. Tonight’s the Lowry family, white elephant Christmas. Since there were more than twenty of us, this was how we did it. 

“Nichole! People are arriving! Are you almost ready?” My mom called up the stairs. 

“Yeah!” I replied and walked out of my bedroom to look over the railing so she could see me. Then I went into the bathroom to brush out my silver, mid-length, wet hair and I did little makeup; it was just my family.  

When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I was immediately pulled into hugs. 

“How’s our little Nikki?” uncle Jeffy gushed. 

I laughed. “I’m doing alright. Got some of my own novels in the works. Started my new freelance editing work too.”

“Heard that’s not super stable,” someone commented. 

I turned around and rolled my eyes. “Writing is a career, Daren, and I’m quite good at it.”

His blue eyes laughed, but his lips pressed in a firm line. “Money will be tight.” 

“I know that.” I huffed. “Everyone keeps telling me that. Leo and my friend Sonnie are the only ones that haven’t. They trust my choices.”

“I think writing is a great career,” a deep, soothing voice stated. One that was completely unfamiliar, and British.

“Says the one who’s making music,” Daren, a great friend of our family, remarked and turned around to look at whoever it was. 

I peeked around his shoulder to see a guy the same height as him. He was obviously closer in age to me. His green eyes caused me to catch my breath. Holy fuck. He was attractive. I felt my cheeks burn at the realization that I am, in fact, wearing an ugly sweater. And my hair was still becoming an unruly mess as it continued to dry. I tried to not make my fingers running through my hair too obvious. 

Though, I felt better when I noticed he was wearing a somewhat ugly sweater as well. Green to match his eyes with grey snowflakes aligning across the chest. His hair was a little messy. Curls that looked the color of melted dark chocolate. His features were strong. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. 

His eyes met with mine and I couldn’t stop myself from changing my sight to Daren. I think my hands were shaking; I managed to fold them together to help stop my nerves. This always happened when anyone I found attractive remotely looked in my direction. 

“Nichole, this is my second cousin Harry Styles,” Daren introduced. “Harry, this is Mark’s daughter, Nichole Lowry. I feel like I’ve done my part.” A sneaky grin placed on his lips as he walked away and into the kitchen where everyone else had congregated to talk and eat. 

“Hi,” I breathed, my cheeks still burned. 

He had his fairly large hands in front of him, folded, and a cute smile crossed his lips. “Hi... So, you’re an author?” 

I nodded. “Yeah, sort of. I copy-edit for others right now.” 

“What do you write?” he asked, seeming naturally interested. 

An easy, big smile now replaced the nervous line I had moments ago. “Novels. All mostly YA mysteries and supernatural. I’ll basically write anything though.” 

A devious smirk replaced his smile. “Do you write, like, smut and stuff?”

I wasn’t going to question why he knew something like that. There were multiple reasons, but it wasn’t my business. 

I cleared my throat with a fake laugh. “You think you’re funny. Yes, sometimes, I do… What about you? You write music, right?” I was hoping to change the subject off of me. I’m not one to talk about myself. 

He brought a hand through his hair. I could almost guarantee that he had a popping bicep underneath that bulky sweater. He looked like a fantastic hugger by his stature and demeanor. I’d love to be wrapped up in them. I averted my eyes back to his to avoid any further (dirtier) thoughts. 

“I do. The lads and I are trying to make something of ourselves. Our working name is One Direction.” 

“I’m sure you’re great! What’s your main genre?” 

“Pop. A little mix of pop rock.” 

I slowly nodded. “Nice, my kinda thing. Maybe I could hear a song or two some time?”

His face brightened up like a little kid’s on Christmas morning. “Yeah, of course, love.”

My heart fluttered at the word ‘love’. I bet it was something that he used a lot on the daily considering he was british, but it was just so soft and sweet. I couldn’t help the butterflies that filled my internal organs.

I noticed the mass of my family coming out of the kitchen and gestured to them. “Later then… I think we’re starting soon.”

“Okay. I won’t forget.” 

I laughed. “Same. I’m gonna get a drink. Want anything?” I walked past him and headed towards the kitchen. For some reason, I just knew he’d follow. 

I grabbed a wine glass from the kitchen and poured some of the rose wine my mom had already opened. 

“I don’t know,” he replied. 

I raised a brow. “How do you not know? Either you’re thirsty or not.” It came out a little more snappy than I had intended and I shot him a sheepish look. “Sorry. Are you thirsty? We have water. I know a couple beers in the fridge. Rose wine. A bottle of white somewhere. Uhm… We also have some sparkling juice I believe.” 

He chuckled. It sent shivers down my spine. He rubbed his chin and it was now I noticed the rings he wore. God, those made the thoughts I was trying to suppress worse; I’ve only just met the guy, I needed to chill. But the fact he wanted to keep talking to me… Why?

“I think… I think I’ll have the rose.”

“You got it.” I reached back up in the cabinet on the middle shelf for another wine glass. The last one happened to be in the way back and I was having a hard time reaching. I felt something hard against my back and a hand lightly brushed mine before taking the glass. My face heated up furiously now at how close we were. 

I turned around and looked up into his intense eyes. I couldn’t help glancing at his luscious lips then back into his eyes. I noted he did the same. 

“Here you go,” he whispered, his voice a bit raspy, and handed the wine glass to me.

“Are you two coming?” Daren called. 

I groaned internally. “Yeah, Schumaker, we are.” 

Harry chuckled again. “He is quite annoying.” 

“You are right on that one,” I remarked and poured his wine. I corked the bottle before I picked up mine. “Ready for some fun?” 

He took a sip of his and tasted it thoughtfully, his eyebrows furrowing, “Yeah. How is it done?”  

I smiled and went on to explain it. We all got a number out of a hat or bowl and went in that order. There would be a couple rounds of the starter gifts, and then once round of the large gift. Items were locked down after the round was officially over. Families sort of became smaller teams when it came to getting certain items; we had the rule that items could be stolen up to three times before it was locked.

He tapped his chin. “Okay… I think I have it. Are we on a team?” 

That caught me by surprise. Usually, it was my two brothers, my mom, my dad, and I who are a team. When Daren came last year for his first Lowry christmas though, he just joined our team. 

“Yeah, sure. Our team also includes my two brothers Leo and John, mom, dad, Daren, and I,” I stated, pointing them out from where we sat on the carpet. My parents had a thing for naming us kids after famous actors. Leo was named after Leonardo DeCaprio, John after Johnny Depp, and I was after Nicholas Cage. They thought I was going to be a boy, thus they only changed a couple letters and still got their way.

“Okay… Uhm, not sure what to take so just tell me.” 

He was so freaking cute. He was both cute and sexy, he was basically a nuclear weapon. 

I giggled.“It’s not rocket science. Take whatever. Don’t be afraid to steal, we’re all friendly here.” 

He licked his lips. “You do know stealing is wrong?” 

“Not here. It’s all part of the fun. Seriously, don’t worry about it.” 

“Okay. Am I supposed to tell you what number I am?” 

I shrugged. “You can. Everyone will know eventually.” 

“Number twenty two.” 

“Hey!” I exclaimed, lightly whacking his arm. “I’m number twenty one, and you’re the last one. We can tag team.”

“Alright, everyone knows their number and is ready?” my aunt Dianna asked, who sat over by the massive pile of starter gifts. She always went overboard every year; she thrift shops a lot. 

“Yeah,” everyone chimed in on their own account. 

“Okay, let’s get this started!” She clapped her hands. 

***

I shook my right leg nervously. We were in the large gifts now; the final round of the white elephant. We had three rounds of the starter gifts. So far, no one had taken the gift I wanted to go for. An HP Envy 5525 printer. I knew which one it was because it’s one our family contributed. I didn’t know why. My mom knew I’d been needing a new one, yet she didn’t get me one for Christmas when it was one of the only things on my short list. 

This was the sucky part of being the second to last person. The anticipation. 

My cousin Jeremy was two numbers before me and my heart clenched when he went straight for it. Everyone ‘ooed’ after he’d revealed it, and it was now that I noticed other family members were interested. It wasn’t impossible for them to get it if they had the means. But Jeremy and his wife seemed to be smitten with the gift; it was a nice ass printer. 

I looked down at my hands in my lap, then looked back up when I knew it was the next person; Leo. Suddenly, I had an idea. Subtly, I texted him. He gave me a short nod and I let out a breath. We’d always been a great tag team. 

Leo stood up and walked straight over to Jeremy to grab it. Everyone ‘ooed’. And knowing he’d go for what Leo wanted, I’d steal from him when it was my turn. I watched as Jeremy went to take the FIFA games away from cousin David. Cousin David only laughed, eyeing all the presents. He decided to go for another large gift; there were only three left. It ended up being a toolset, which was up more his alley anyway.

My heartbeat quickened as I got up and went to Jeremy to take the FIFA games. There were ooo’s and laughs once again. I saw him look at Emily, his wife, and I mentally cursed. Jeremy took Emily’s gift and of course, she went to take the printer from Leo. 

Leo looked around and I internally cheered seeing my family plan the next moves. My oldest brother John and my mom had worked together so John could get the weight set and my mom could get the running gear. Leo took the toolset from my dad, and then he took the printer from Emily. 

I smiled widely, then frowned as she took, Jeremy’s mom, Nancy’s gift and in return she got the printer. Gah! It’s never ending! My dad looked at me and shrugged. I shrugged back. My dad went for one of the two last gifts. It was a movie, candy, popcorn basket; that worked for our whole family. It was two movies we already had though-- ‘We’re the Millers’ and ‘Battleship’. 

I looked over at Harry. “Your turn.” 

He looked at me thoughtfully and whispered, “You really want that printer?”

“Yeah, but you-”

Without hesitation he took it away from Nancy-- the last alliance for Jeremy’s side. 

He plooped back down beside me and presented it to me.“You said stealing was okay.”

I laughed under my breath. “Thanks, but now you didn’t get a large gift. I’ll wrestle my dad for that movie basket.”

“No worries, love. Your smile is enough.”

The heat came up my neck again and I forced myself to watch the end as a distraction. Nancy just took the final gift. It seemed like the large gift round was always equivalent in time with the amount of rounds we did for the starter gifts. 

Everyone who tag teamed switched their gifts around and all was right. Now, it was time for whatever before those who had to drive home did so. I might eat. 

“I’m gonna heat up leftovers, want anything?” I asked as I stood up and straightened out the sweater. 

He stood up as well and smirked. “I could eat, especially with you.”

It took a second for his words to click and I cocked a brow. “Did you just ask me out?” 

“I did.” He chuckled. It vibrated in my chest. 

“I’d love to.” I smiled before I headed to the kitchen.

Next: 2

[Masterlist]

[mxliv-oftheendless]

Writer’s Month Prompts Day 26

Day 26: Tattoo Artist/Flower Shop AU

I know, it took me this long to write up the prompt that was officially supposed to be written on Day 1 XD. Hope you enjoy it!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Aw, c’mon, baby, why don’t we talk it out over a drink?”

“Fuck off,”

“Ooh, nice mouth. What else do you use it for?”

“I said fuck off!”

Heather sighed and turned to smile amiably at the customer she was assisting. “Would you excuse me for a second?” She left the counter and went across the flower shop to the door, where outside was Paul and the stupid tattoo artist from across the street. “Hey!” Heather snapped. “He said fuck off, so fuck off, Sixx.”

Nikki scoffed and rolled his eyes at her. “C’mon, I was just having a little fun—”

“Yeah, you’ve been giving me that lie for three days straight now. Try it again and I’ll call the police and make a harassment complaint.”

Nikki was silent as he glared at her, no doubt trying to think of something to say. Heather just crossed her arms and glared right back. Finally he sighed, looking more like a lectured teenager than a grown man. “Fine.” He turned around to stalk across the street towards the tattoo parlor. He was about to enter when he turned around and, in a rather childish move, aimed his middle finger right at her Heather made a big show of rolling her eyes and turned away.

Paul sighed. “Finally. I thought he’d never leave.”

“I bet if you just ignored him he’ll go away,” she suggested as they headed back into the flower shop.

“I should start bringing my lunch from home,” Paul just mumbled. He smiled at her gratefully. “Thanks for stepping in.”

Heather smiled at her best friend. “No problem.” She went back to the counter while Paul went into the greenhouse. “Sorry about that. Now where were we?”

She finished helping the customer fill out their order, and after sending him on his way she went to go help Paul in the greenhouse. She pulled on her gardening gloves and went over to the zinnias. “How’s everything looking?” she asked over her shoulder.

“Good so far.” Paul was silent for a moment, then sighed. “Is it bad I keep thinking about earlier?”

Heather turned in his direction. “Why?”

“Just… How do you handle a situation like that? Someone refusing to leave you alone? Without hurting their feelings?”

Heather frowned at him. “Well, for one thing, don’t care about their feelings. They’re the one harassing you. Second, just stay away from the tattoo parlor.”

“How can I do that when they’re right across the street from us?” Paul deadpanned.

“Just avoid them whenever possible. You’ve seen everyone who works there, and how they act. All those guys are nothing but trouble.” Heather calmed down from her small tirade and smiled reassuringly at him. “We could call their manager and complain about Sixx harassing you.”

Paul brightened. “That would work, probably. Just call him and let him take care of it.”

“Yeah, exactly,”

Heather would later wonder if some divine power had heard her comment on how all the artists at Motley Crue Tattoos were nothing but trouble, because at that moment they heard the bells above the door ring.

“I’ll get it,” Heather wiped her gloves on her jeans. “You prune the dahlias.”

“But you do such a better job on the dahlias than me,” Paul grinned at her. “They’re your pride and joy.”

Heather grinned back. “I think you’re finally ready for the responsibility of pruning them. Do not prove me wrong, Paul Stanley.”

“I shall not fail you!”

Laughing, Heather opened the door to enter the shop floor. She caught sight of a man looking over the flower pots, looking like he was trying to blend in with the surroundings. It was a bit difficult for him, though, since he was clad in all black, with a black leather jacket and black boots, as well as sunglasses. He looked about as invisible as a drop of black ink on a sheet of paper. There was also a sketchbook tucked under one arm. He looked rather familiar, but Heather wasn’t sure where she had seen him before. She still put on a smile and headed towards him. “Hi there. Welcome to the Dahlia Shoppe. I’m Heather, how can I help you?”

The man looked at her for a second. What was he doing? He finally said, “I was wondering if I could go back into your greenhouse.”

Heather blinked at him. “Why would you want to do that?”

“I’m, uh… an artist. I take commissions. And a lot of people request flowers. And I knew you grew good flowers here, so…” The man shoved his hands into his pockets. “Wouldn’t be bothering anyone. And I wouldn’t touch any of the flowers. Just thought I’d ask if I could come by and practice drawing ‘em sometime.”

Heather thought for a moment. Then she shrugged. “I guess it wouldn’t be a problem. Come on, I’ll show you the greenhouse.” As they were walking over to the door, she asked, “By the way, what’s your name? Just so I know who you are if you stop by again.”

“Mick Mars,”

“Heather McMann. Nice to meet you, Mick Mars.”

She wasn’t sure, but she thought she saw the corner of his mouth lift up in a smile. She opened the door and showed him inside. “There you go. Just go tell Paul,” she pointed over to where Paul was meticulously pruning a dahlia plant, “I said it’s okay for you to be back here, and he’ll leave you alone.”

“Got it. Thanks.”

“Sure. Let me know when you’re leaving.”

Heather closed the door behind him and went to go straighten up the racks of seed packets. Customers were always rifling through them and putting the packets back out of order. But she hadn’t even been doing her task for five minutes when the door opened and she looked up to find Paul hurrying onto the shop floor.

“Heather,” he said quickly. “That guy you said could sketch the flowers in the greenhouse…”

“Yeah, what about him?”

“He’s the manager of the tattoo parlor!”

Heather froze. “What? Really?”

Paul nodded. “Yeah, I’ve seen him closing up before. I think he owns the place.”

“Oh…” Heather set down the seed packets she was holding. “Stay here. I’m going to go tell him right now.”

“But I thought we were going to call him!”

“Paul, the manager of the tattoo parlor where the guy who’s been harassing you works at literally just walked into the shop. On the same day. When’s this going to happen again? I’m going to go tell him right now.”

“But I don’t know if you—” Paul began, but Heather was already striding briskly to the door of the greenhouse. “—should,” he finished, and sighed.

Heather shoved open the door and stalked over to Mick, who had his sketchbook out and was in the middle of starting a sketch of the daisies. “Hey,” she demanded, making him look up. “Are you the manager of Motley Crue Tattoos?”

Mick looked taken aback by the question, but nodded. “I own the place, actually,”

“Yeah, okay. Tell your tattoo artists to stop harassing me and my friend.”

Mick frowned. “I didn’t know they were…”

Heather crossed her arms. “We are directly across the street from each other, and you just happen to not notice your one worker, Sixx, harassing Paul in broad daylight for three days in a row? If he does it again, I will call the cops on him. Tell him to stay the fuck away from my store, and from Paul, or I’ll have the cops do it.”

To her surprise, Mick got an annoyed look on his face. Then he sighed frustratedly. “Fuckin’ teenager went and fucked up again,” he grumbled, then he looked up at her. “I’m sorry about him, and I’m sorry he did that. I’ll talk to him about it.”

Heather frowned. “You’ll talk to him? Forgive me, but that sounds too much like a simple slap on the wrist to me.”

“Then how about this: I’ll talk to him today, and tomorrow morning when you open I’ll drag his ass over here so he can apologize. Trust me, I know how to get through to that kid.”

Heather clenched her jaw. “What happens if I don’t accept his apology?”

Mick sighed. “You’ve got every right to not accept his apology. I’ll suspend him from work. I mean, I was already going to, but I didn’t tell you that.”

For a moment, Heather was taken aback. She had been expecting him to argue with her, even say some crap like “oh he’d never do that”. But no, he wasn’t. He actually believed her. From how he was acting, it didn’t seem like this was the first time Sixx had gotten into trouble. And he seemed genuinely sorry…

“I… I guess that’s fair,” Heather finally sighed. “You’ve got a deal. Suspend him from work, and drag him over here to apologize to Paul, and I won’t call the cops on him.” She let Mick relax for a second before continuing. “But… if he ever does it again, I will file a harassment complaint.”

Mick nodded and held his hand out to her. “Deal,”

After a moment, Heather reached out to shake his hand. “Okay then. I’ll, uh, I’ll leave you to keep sketching.”

She turned and walked away to exit the greenhouse. Paul was still waiting by the seed racks, drumming his fingers against his leg anxiously. “So what happened?”

“I talked to him, and he said he was going to talk to the guy and make him apologize to you.”

Paul blinked. “Really?”

Heather smiled. “Yeah, really. He was really understanding about it.”

“I can believe it. He was real polite when he came over to ask where the best flowers to sketch were.”

“He was? That was nice of him.”

Paul grinned at her. “But I thought you said tattoo artists were nothing but trouble,”

“They are… but this guy’s not. There can be exceptions.”

“Or maybe he likes you,”

Heather gaped at him and smacked him on the shoulder, laughing. “Shut up, he does not!”

Little did she know, Mick couldn’t help but overhear their conversation, and flinched a bit at Paul’s teasing words. Shit… was it obvious? So maybe he had just a little tiny thing for the blonde owner of the Dahlia Shoppe. That didn’t mean anything, or that it would go anywhere. Besides, Heather was probably out of his league anyway.

Mick sighed and went back to sketching. He could wait until after he finished and left to figure out his stupid feelings.

[luciana-galvez]

A Night Of Surprises

Fandom: The Dirt

Words: 3.2k (i got carried away oops)

Pairing: nikki sixx x reader

Warnings: none i think

Notes: this doesn’t quite fulfill the last request but i hope you like it anyway anon. also if you want to be added to the taglist or be taken down for specific stories (because i get confused about who wants to be tagged in what haha) just let me know!

Request:  Anonymous Could you write an imagine for Nikki sixx where he falls in love with a girl who wears a lot of pink and is really girly and maybe not into the same scene that he’s into!? I like the soft-hard dynamic😂 I love your writing by the way and I’m so glad you’re writing for the dirt😭😭💖

@miserablecunt Can you write an imagine for Nikki?! Literally anything!! I just need more of him and I have no ideas😂

Anonymous  can u write something about nikki being with a girl who is actually quite girly and everyones like ?????? why ????? 💞

Backstage at a heavy metal concert was the last place you had pictured yourself ending up in. The more you thought about the, the more unlikely it became, but here you were, part of the team to get Mötley Crüe ready for their first American tour on a daily basis.

“Vince, where’s your choker?” you asked pointedly.

“What choker?” he retorted with a confused look.

“There’s a choker that goes with your outfit,” you said, already mentally going through the last hour to see where it might have become lost in the process.

The whole band was about to go on stage, and Vince had showed up late already, and now a piece of his outfit was missing, and the perfectionist in you was suffering. This whole rock and roll business really wasn’t for you.

“Give me two minutes,” you said as you already turned around and jogged back down the hallway, trying to check all the dressing rooms before they had to go up on stage.

When you had studied fashion and costume design, this really wasn’t what you thought you’d end up doing. You had pictured yourself working for a big designer, or even played with the idea of working for Hollywood, but designing costumes for a metal band hadn’t occurred to you even in your wildest dreams.

But then Tommy had offered for you to give it a try. You two had gone to high school together and kind of lost touch afterwards when you went off to university and he did whatever allowed him to rock and roll. His words, not yours.

And then a few months ago you had run into him again, and he had told you about this band he was in, and you had told him about finishing your degree, and he had ecstatically told you about how his band was looking for over-the-top costumes. You had laughed it off at first, but Tommy had been so persistent that you eventually agreed to at least meet the band.

You went into the meeting expecting to meet a rowdy bunch of guys that deemed themselves too cool for school and that you would part ways acknowledging on both sides that it wasn’t the right fit, but when you did meet them, things turned out differently.

Yes, it might not have been the right fit, especially when you showed up to the meeting in an outfit that was the exact opposite of what was considered metal. But when Mick and Nikki doubted your ability to make costumes for them so vehemently (“We’re not going to perform in pink fucking ruffles” you remembered Nikki saying), you were determined to prove them wrong.

And that’s how you ended up as Mötley Crüe’s official costume designer.  

Now, you were desperately rummaging through each of the dressing rooms in order to find Vince’s choker. Luckily, you eventually found it in Vince’s dressing room and cursed him out under your breath for being a slob. At some point they really had to start making your job easier.

You hurried back out of the room and jogged down the hallway until you found the band. They were standing at the stairs to the stage, ready to start their show any minute now.

“Okay, got it,” you announced and walked up to Vince, easily attaching the choker as he craned his neck.

“Let me have a look at you,” you said when you had finished, and the whole band stood up a bit straighter for you to inspect the outfits.

You tweaked at Tommy’s outfit, readjusted Mick’s harness, and eventually stopped in front of Nikki, searching your pockets for the black paint you knew you had in there somewhere.

“Your paint is smudged. Hold still,” you said and carefully held on to his chin so he wouldn’t move. “Hold still.”

You used your thumb to try to wipe away the smudged edges of the lines, but the paint didn’t come off. You sighed. “How did you already smudge this before the show even started?”

Nikki simply shrugged.

“Lick this,” you said, holding out your thumb to him.

“What?”

“I’d do it myself, but that’d be weird,” you said, and when he didn’t move, added “Just do it.”

He eventually licked your thumb hesitantly, and when you tried to get the smudges of this time, it worked without a problem.

“There we go,” you said more to yourself than to him. All that was left to do was reapply another layer of paint, and Nikki patiently let you.

“Alright,” you said, letting go of his chin and taking a step back to look at your finished work. “Try not to ruin your outfits tonight, will you, boys?”

“We don’t make promises we can’t keep,” Vince shrugged, and you rolled your eyes, but your gaze stuck to Nikki, who was looking at you with a peculiar expression.

“What?” you asked.

It looked like you had startled him out of his train of thought, because he simply shook his head in confusion and mumbled “Nothing.”

And then it was time for them to go onstage. You stayed long enough to watch them play Shout At The Devil and then retreated to one of the crew’s backstage rooms, which was now peacefully empty as most people were watching the concert.

You found your backpack in the corner, pulled out your sketchbook, and made yourself comfortable on the couch. You spend the next forty minutes playing with new ideas for costumes until the noise level outside started rising up again, which told you the show was over.

You went out into the hallway just in time for the band to turn the corner, and your eyes started scanning their outfits for damage.

“You guys listened to me,” you said in surprise as you noticed that they were, except for a few tears here and there, mostly intact.

“We have our moments,” Vince shrugged.

It was your job to make sure all the costumes were ready for every show, and on particularity bad nights it had happened that that you stay almost all night after a concert in order to fix the damage. Sure, they had multiple costumes and could afford to lose one or two, but if you wouldn’t spend so much time cleaning up after them, they would run out of outfits two weeks from now.

You waited until they had all changed out of the costumes and collected them to bring them to the bus. Seeing as they were in pretty good shape, you could take the night off and fix them up on the bus ride to the next stop tomorrow.

You knocked on Nikki’s door last and waited for him to let you in. Instead of his glamorous black costume, he was now in black leather pants, a white-and-black striped shirt, and a leather jacket. The paint on his face was still there, and you smiled as you saw that, naturally, it was smudged again.

“You’re staying to watch Ozzy?” he asked as he handed you his stage outfit and you threw it over your arm with the others.

“If I don’t watch your show, what makes you think I’d watch the prince of darkness?” you grinned.

“You don’t watch our show?”

You laughed. “Sorry. I watch bits of it, but it’s not quite my scene.”

He sat back down on his couch and gave you an inquiring look. “So, what kind of music do you listen to?”

You shrugged. “I like ABBA, Fleetwood Mac—”

“Evidently,” Nikki smirked and gestured towards your outfit. You were wearing your flowery jumpsuit with a pink belt that made you look particularly hippie.

“Evidently,” you agreed and pointed at it.

“So, what are you up to instead?”

“Now?”

“Mhhmh.”

“I’m gonna drop these,” you held up their outfits, “on the bus and then I’ll find a quiet diner and work on my sketches. And I’m starving, so I’ll head out now.” You started walking back to the door and added, “Enjoy the concert and your afterparty. Or strip club. Or wherever you end up today. Just don’t let it be jail,” you turned back around for a moment and gave him a playful wink.

“Actually,” Nikki started as you were halfway through the door. You stopped and looked back at him, and he looked like he was still contemplating what he was about to say.

“Do you mind if I join you?” he added after a moment.

You leaned your head to one side and narrowed your eyes, trying to figure out if he was fucking with you. The band was notorious for their wild afterparties, so that Nikki wanted to skip it and instead accompany you to a diner seemed entirely out of character.

“Okay,” you said, but it sounded more like a question.

He didn’t seem to notice. “Cool,” he said, took another swig from the whisky bottle that was standing on the coffee table in front of him, and then got up. “Ready.”

You lifted an eyebrow but didn’t say anything. When you left his dressing room, Tommy was excitedly jumping towards the two of you from the other side of the hallway.

“Dude Ozzy is about to start, let’s rock and roll!”

“We’re actually gonna head out to dinner,” Nikki said simply and Tommy’s expression turned to confusion for a moment. His gaze wandered from Nikki to you and back again, and then he broke out into a big grin and clapped Nikki on the shoulder. “Alright man, make sure to use protection.”

“Jesus Christ Tommy,” you uttered exasperatedly and he laughed, already skipping further down the hallway to get the others.

Nikki and you walked to the crew bus in silence, and he stood back and waited while you handled the outfits. Then, you were on your way. It didn’t take you long to find a diner that wasn’t too busy, and you sat down in a corner booth and ordered waffles while Nikki simply opted for a drink.

“Go ahead,” Nikki said as the waitress disappeared.

You simply looked at him questioningly.

“You said you’d come here to sketch,” he explained.

“You came with me to….watch me sketch?” you asked.

Nikki shrugged. “I’m curious to see what you have in store for us.”

You looked at him for a moment longer, trying to gauge what had gotten into him today, but then decided to go with it and pulled out your sketchbook.

“I don’t have anything finished but I’ve been playing with a few ideas,” you started as you flipped through the pages until you found the one you were looking for. “Like here,” you said and pushed the notebook over to Nikki, “I’ve been wanting to introduce a bit more color, so I thought something like this for Tommy. You’ve seen him sport leopard print pants, so I’m thinking to get a bit more pattern into his look.”

“And here,” you said and flipped the page over for him, “I really like Vince’s look with only the harness and no shirt, but I want to mix up the pants a bit. So instead of having him in plain black leather pants, I want to experiment with introducing the color scheme from the harness into the pants as well and get some red patches in there.”

You paused for a moment, but Nikki remained silent. “Like I said, none of these is finished and they’re just ideas I’ve been playing with…” you trailed off and looked up at him. He had a concentrated look on his face as he studied your sketches. You watched him start to flip through the pages and realized you were anxious to know what he was thinking. The longer he remained silent, the more you thought he hated them.

“What do you have in mind for me?” he asked eventually, looking up at you for the first time.

“I haven’t gotten to it yet, but I was thinking of puffy shoulder pieces.”

You could see that he was about to protest, so you quickly added, “No, not like you think!” You laughed. “Something like this,” you trailed off and pulled the notebook back to yourself and flipped to an empty page. You rummaged in your bag for a pencil and started sketching what you were thinking off.

“See, not like housewife-puffy-shoulders,” you continued while sketching, “but more like ‘Sydney-opera-house puffy. And then add some chains or studding.”

Nikki craned his neck to watch you sketch and nodded, contemplating. “Yeah, I like that.”

You smiled. “Good.”

It was another fifteen minutes before your food arrived, and you spent it in silence as you continued sketching and Nikki watched. When he had announced that he wanted to join, you had expected it to be awkward, but you were surprised how comfortable silence was with him.

When the waitress brought your food and his drink, you put your sketchbook away and hungrily started digging into your waffles.

“So, do you do this every night?” Nikki asked. “Go to a diner after the show and sketch?”

“Mostly,” you said between bites. “When I’m not stuck fixing your costumes I tend to look for a quiet place to be alone.”

“Why?” he asked, but there was genuine interest behind the question.

You thought for a moment. “Your lifestyle can be quite overwhelming,” you shrugged eventually, “sometimes I just need to get away from it for a while.”

“My lifestyle?”

“You know, sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll,” you smiled.

“It really isn’t your scene, is it?”

“Nope.”

“Then why did you agree to do it?”

“To prove that I could,” you replied honestly. “You were so disbelieving that a girl that likes pink can design costumes for you that I made it my mission to prove you wrong. I like a good challenge.”

Nikki grinned. “I can appreciate that.”

“So,” you leaned forward, “what turned you into the badass rockstar that you are?”

“An unfit mother, a non-existent father, and a revolving door of asshole stepfathers,” he shrugged it off, but you could tell there was real pain behind his act of not caring.

“Ah, the classic story,” you replied, not unkindly. “So you fill that hole with sex and drugs?”

“And I assume you are the cheerful girl that you are because you had a rosy childhood with a picket-fence garden and Sunday night family dinners,” he challenged you, but there was no hostility in his voice.

“Well, we didn’t have a picket-fence, but our Sunday night dinners were lovely,” you grinned and he laughed.

“No wonder everyone in your family is a saint.”

“Well, my bother used to live the rockstar life,” you said. “He wasn’t unlike you. Lots of alcohol. Lots of drugs. Lots of getting arrested.”

“Oh, and he didn’t manage to influence you and pull you to the dark side?” Nikki smirked.

“No,” you replied matter-of-factly, and your expression turned serious. “Because he overdosed and died.”

Nikki’s face fell. “Shit.”

“Yeah,” you replied. “Shit indeed.”

Nikki thought for a moment. “Then why would you agree to come on tour with us? And spend all day every day around people that constantly do drugs and party?”

You shrugged. “I stayed away from it for a long time, and cut everyone that did drugs out of my life. But to be honest,” you paused, trying to find the right words, “I don’t know, it just became easier to be around it? I know the warning signs of when it turns from normal partying into an actual issue. I couldn’t save him, but maybe I can save the next one.”

You were silent for a moment, contemplating on how to formulate your thoughts. “Listen, I know you think I’m this naïve, gold-hearted girl from the Valley without a worry in the world, but I know how dark life can get. I’ve been in a really fucking dark place after he died, and it took everything I had to crawl back out of it. I’m kind to people because I know what it’s like to wish you were dead every day.”

Nikki stared at you for a long time after that, with an expression you couldn’t quite read. Eventually, he cleared his throat. “You really have your shit together, don’t you?”

And with that, the tension was broken. “Not really,” you laughed.

You ended up spending five hours in the diner, talking about anything and everything. Nikki told you about trying to get his mother arrested, about running away from home without a place to go, about coming to LA and unsuccessfully trying to make it with a bunch of bands before he finally found Tommy, Mick, and Vince, and you told him about your family, about working two jobs when you were in college because you were determined to pay it off by yourself, and about your high-school prom where you ended up having to take care of your drunk date all night.

When you walked back to the hotel, Nikki gave you his jacket, and you gratefully wrapped yourself up in it. You could see that a bunch of people that passed you gave you curious looks, surprised by the miss-matched pair of a mean-looking rocker next to the girl in the flowery jump suit, and you had to smile at their irritation.

Nikki accompanied you all the way to your room, and when you got there, he was visibly unsure about what to do. If you were honest, you were absolutely enjoying seeing Nikki Sixx, who was usually so smooth with women, be nervous.

Apparently, when you didn’t make a move, Nikki decided not to push it and awkwardly took a step back. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

You couldn’t supress a smile as you told him he would, and then you turned around, opened your door, and leaned against the doorway. Nikki had already turned around and was heading back to his room, you assumed. So he really was going to just leave, huh.

“Nikki,” you called after him and he turned around. You rolled your eyes playfully, pushed the door behind you open further, and made a gesture with your head towards your room. “Get in here,” you laughed.

Nikki was clearly surprised, and he dropped his head and smiled before making his way back to you. He stopped when he was opposite you in the doorway, and the proximity of your bodies made your heart beat a little faster. He was close enough that you had to glace up to look at him.

“Are you always that smooth with the ladies?” you grinned.

“Shut up,” he said and didn’t wait before pressing his lips to yours.

The kiss was intense and sloppy and wild, and you enjoyed it more that you had enjoyed anything in a long time. You were so entangled in each other that you stumbled into your room and almost took out a small side table and two lamps, and when you took of his shirt, you were grinning to both ears.

This night really was full of surprises.

tags: @supernaturalvikingwhore  @miserablecunt  @sighsophiia  @fandomshit6000  @flizaa @hi-my-name-is-riley  @electradestiny  @starlalove  @kingbouji3  @sweetshutter  @baiabouk 

[iamcinema]

IAC Reviews #011: Bloodstream (1985)

Let’s go back a few years close to when I made this blog, roughly 2013 or 2014.

Around this point, I was looking for some unique, weird, and obscure titles to share for the horror forums I was apart of and to make notes of to eventually add to my collection. If I was able to find names that had little to no available information on them, then I knew I was onto something special. This would often bring me to sites like TwistedAnger that sold copies and transfers of horror, exploitation, and mondo films to fill me in on elusive material that were often times obscure and never got an official release. This little search would bring me to find Bloodstream, and with the interesting cover art, I knew I had to find more about it - but much to my dismay, there was very little to be had or known about it.

Bloodstream is 1985 low-budget slasher film directed by Michael J. Murphy, whom A Slash Above has dubbed the Ted V. Mikels of the UK, which is quite the comparison. Given that there was very little to go off of with this beyond the site’s review, I was left to scratch my head a bit as to whether or not I’d be able to find the film in its entirety beyond a few clips, which only made me hungerier for more after reading the synopsis.

Our story centers on Alistair Bailey, an up and coming filmmaker who is suddenly fired from a project he’s working on by a sleazy VHS distributor named William King. Instead of the film being scraped like he thought, he later finds out that King plans on distributing the film globally and it becomes a critical hit with the home video market. Rightfully pissed by this, Bailey seeks revenge and conspires to go on a killing spree with vengeful employee in a similar manner as the deaths in his movie - only this time, the effects will be real.

This got me pretty excited to check this out, and once the film got added to Youtube a few years ago, I was quick to jump at this. As a full disclosure, I did see and review this for UTA several years ago, but the details of my experience are on the hazy side. So, I won’t count this as a retrospective review this time around, but I’ll reflect on what I can if it’s as good or bad as I remember it being all those years ago.

Bloodstream in One Gif:

So, let’s dip our toes into this one.

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But first, a little backstory about the film and what I was able to find. Going off the premise and opening alone, this one has a certain kind of tone to it, dare I say very pointed and self-aware. According to Murphy, the film was his response to distribution companies and presumably bad business experiences he’s had. Unfortunately, the film failed to be picked up for distribution before falling into total obscurity. I’ll return to this again towards the end to help wrap things up. The budget is also very low as one could expect; roughly £400 in 1985, or £1,053.02 in February 2020 (I’m not to sure what that comes out to in USD or CAD). Given the limited budget, I’m a bit surprised with what they were able to accomplish, and for that I’ll give it that much.

As far as our characters go, they were quite forgettable and the first time around I couldn’t remember who was who or what purpose they served. So, coming back into things with a fresh slate was helpful. Aside from our two focuses being Alistair and William, we have a couple others that will become topics of interest.

We have Judy, an actress brought into the flock by William whom he’s having an affair with to help advance her career. We also have Greg, a former pornstar who was brought in like Judy was to work under William. There’s also the matter of William’s family; his brother Simon, a misogynistic sleaze who has a thing for power while also being held under financial ransom by William at the company, his wife Sally, and his daughter Lisa - both of which whose dreams of being in the industry are held under William. All of this becomes important later on, which is why I brought this up. There’s also another focal character that ties this all together, that being Nikki, William’s secretary who acts as a mole and accomplice to helping Alistair get his revenge by adding fuel to the fire with her own hidden motives and intentions.

Now, with that out of the way, let’s begin.

________________________________________

As far as the story goes, it’s not all that bad, and in a way it reminds me of some tellings of Phantom of the Opera where our masked antihero seeks to get revenge on the Opera house owners who did him wrong by stealing credit for his work after being presumed dead. In a simialr fashion as the Phantom, there’s a lot of anger and malice behind the premeditated violence, and each of the murders was dragged out with a purpose in mind to send a message.

The plot moves along fast, as we’re immedately dropped into the action from the jump and the revenge scheme starts to take off within the 30 minute mark in a 73-minute film. However, it can feel like a log jam a bit with things being slowed down or padded out in the form of Alistair watching either his own movies or those from William’s distribution company. The quality of those films is pretty damn atrocious, playing on various horror film tropes and references like vampires, cannibalism, the occult, body horror, zombies, and Exorcist II: The Heretic - yeah, that happens. While it’s quite clear why these scenes are here in the first place, the run time could be shaved down to at least 65 minutes of these weren’t here.

From a technical standpoint, it’s not all that great and is overall uninteresting. The lighting is fairly poor, though I’ve seen worse. Some shots are overlit and others don’t seem to have enough, and while it doesn’t make it hard to see what’s going on, it adds to the overall cheapness. Speaking of which, the sets themselves aren’t all that remarkable either and it shows that they did their best to work with whatever they had with the budget since some of the locations feel like sound stages with black walls if it wasn’t places the crew likely had easier access to like their homes or a basic office space to rent out. There’s also a weird flickering problem where it will go from color to black and white briefly, which is a bit annoying as well.

The sound is probably it’s weakest point of everything else stacked against it, as some moments will be decently clear and others you’ll need to rewind it and try to figure out what was going on. I had to do this three times with finding Greg’s name, because I thought they were saying “Burke” for some reason. There’s also a fair amount of bad ADR going on, which is a bit laughable when it comes up. The sound quality in general just makes for a bad time with figuring out what’s going on, particularly in crowded areas where you have the background noise to deal with on top of it sounding like the actors are on the other side of the room when they’re in front of the camera. So, unless you have a good ear, you might be a tad bit lost, but it’s not on levels of Ax’Em bad.

On that note, how about the gore and deaths? While they aren’t perfect and are on the hammy side, I’ll at least give them some credit for having memorable death scenes and succeeding in what they could do for a microbudget. Some of them give me similar vibes to other slasher movies of the decade like Final Exam, Woodchipper Massacre, and Cannibal Campout, which I think helps me to enjoy them a bit more in a way. It tried, so I guess an A for effort is fair enough - especially with a particular implied off-screen death that’s quite brutal and Murphy apparently got a lot of e-mails and letters about it.

The acting is a fairly mixed bag as well, with it being mostly meh or average for the type of low budget flick where none of the actors went on to do anything else. When it comes to Judy, Greg, Simon, and the rest of William’s family, they aren’t there much to land a solid impact. So, when they get their own individual scenes where they’re on their own, there isn’t a whole lot to see to comment on about how well they hold up. They’re okay, nothing truly dreadful though. When it comes to Alistair, Nikki, and William though, that’s a different story.

While I found Alistair (and to an extent, Nikki) to be sympathetic, they didn’t do much to pull at my heart strings to get me totally revved up for the revenge sequences. The same can be said for William as well. Yeah, he’s a total sleazy, swindling bastard, but that’s about it. As a villain, he’s sort of forgettable. The writing itself is fine, which is surprising for this type of film, but the acting is stiff and doesn’t feel natural or right. I don’t know if any of the actors had prior experience given that they haven’t shown up in any other productions that I’m aware of or if a lot of the fault could be placed on poor direction. It’s a damn shame too since this could have been much better if one or both of those things could have been resolved. Plus, it could have been much darker too by pulling out all the stops since it already took plenty of risks with the aformentioned death scene and the social commentary it addressed. But we’re 35 years too late for that now.

To return to something I said at the start regarding Murphy’s intentions behind the film, much of this is heavily reflected in Alistair’s characterization where he brushes off the films produced by William’s company as “garbage”, and rambles about censorship, on-screen violence, and belittling distribution companies during the final showdown between him and William. Subtlety isn’t in this film’s dictionary, even more so towards the end where it raises the question about whether or not horror movies and the media contribute to real-life violence; much akin to other later films like Video Violence and Woodchipper Massacre. Yeah, it’s not an original concept at all and it’s been no stranger to us since the turn of the century or even for the time when the Satanic Panic and PMRC Senate case was going on, but it’s nonetheless fun to see how different artists handle the topic at hand.

________________________________________

So, what are my thoughts on this one? Well, I’m torn.

Back when I reviewed this in 2015, I was rather harsh on it for how low the quality was and that the acting was subpar at best. It left so much to be desired, as it could have been much bigger if it was given better resources to shine. I’d like to think there’s some other timeline where this could have been the success that Murphy wanted it to be, rather than his least favorite film he’s directed and ultimately faded away into obscurity - fulfilling its own prophecy in a way to become Bloodstream decades later.

With that being said, I think my old rating of 3/10 was a bit much. It’s no gem or masterpiece in any way, which again, is the sad part. But, it’s also not a total disasterpiece. If all the pieces fell in the right spot, this would be an easy 7.5/10 for me at the very least. However, with the technical issues and wooden acting, I’d give this a 4.5/10 to be on the generous side. If a day ever comes where someone wanted to do a faithful remake of this to show what we could have had, that would make for a fun night. If you want to give it a watch some time, it’s up on Youtube and it makes for a decent popcorn flick.

Rating: 4.5/10

[angrylizardjacket]

Run to Paradise {Nikki Sixx} Part 14

14. you’re the only thing that’s making any sense to me

Chapter Summary: domestic moments, the band gets a record deal and everyone’s celebrating in the way they best know now

Warnings: nsfw big time but not full smut, drinking, drugs, had a breakdown from dan howell’s new video in the middle of writing this and i have work in 3 hours (it’s 6am) this goes a lot of places and also seemingly does nothing. please feedback?? highkey moments for all of lola/mc, and poly!lola is officially being established

ragtag bunch of misfits: @starlalove @obsessivesky @lovehelpmewrite@colsons-crue @marvelismylifffe @lilytalebi @glitterdreamsz @freddiessmallnipples @crazysaladchopshop @inthebackofmycarlaytheirbodies @dramatique-moi @missqueeniewrites @calspixie @aryssav @catsoo12 @sweetshutter @silvertonguedserpent @shamelessobsessions @lavenderbones22 @keepcalm-and-beyou @scarecrowmax @nicholeh7

{masterlist}

Lola's the one who organises the meeting for them, though she doesn't go; she's their assistant, but this is a band decision, and besides, she was covering a shift at the hotel and couldn't make it even if she'd wanted to.

Instead, she wakes at about noon to the sound her alarm, shoving Nikki where he grumbles about it, and climbs over him to shut off the alarm and start getting read. It's the fourth one she's had in as many months, since both she and Nikki have a habit of tossing it across the room in favour of getting up. She searches for the cleanest uniform she can manage amid the grubby chaos of their bedroom.

"Don't forget; meeting at the Rainbow after practice," she tells the still mostly asleep bassist, dropping  quick kiss on his cheek before she's carrying her pile of clothes to the bathroom.

"Vince!" She kicks at the door of the spare room where Vince has been staying since Beth had kicked him out of her place. Vince, who's got a marginally more coherent sleep schedule, pulls the door open, wearing sweat pants holding a copy of Rolling Stone that looked like it had been set alight at one point.

"Any particular reason you're out here screamin' your head off?" He asks, leaning against the doorframe, taking a moment to appreciate her soft, unguarded state in the midday light. Lola steps up to him, kissing him softly in greeting.

"You've got a meeting after rehearsals, it's at the Rainbow; don't let Nikki forget." Much softer this time, Lola reminds him about Elektra, and steps out of his space before he can wrap his arms around her like is often want to do. At his pout, she laughs, turning on her heel, "I've got work." Is her only explanation, but Vince just snickers and heads back to lounge on the bed until Nikki decided to wake up.

When she's done showering and dressed, Lola makes two calls; Mick and Tommy. If nothing else, she at least tries to earn her title of assistant. Her hair's up in a towel and she's got the kettle on when Mick answers. It's brief, and he thanks her for the reminder, lets her know he'll be around at four, and they hang up.

When she calls Tommy, his sister answers.

"Hey Athena, it's Lola, is Tommy awake?" Lola asks, voice kind, and the girl on the other end of the line covers the receiver before shouting the drummer's name through the house. After a beat, Lola can hear the faint mumbling of someone, not Tommy, probably a parent, scolding her. Athena then uncovers the receiver.

"He's on his way," she says, and sounds weirdly smug. There's a beat of time where Lola assumes Tommy's making his way to the phone, and Athena asks when the band will play somewhere she can go watch, somewhere she can actually meet Lola; "come on, he won't shut up about you, I mean you and the band but I've met the band-"

"Who is it?" Tommy's voice is faint over the other end of the line, and Lola can feel herself blush just a little at his sister's words.

"Lola~" Athena all but sings, and there's some sharp noises, line the phone's being roughly grabbed, and a muffled shout, like someone's got their hand over the receiver, probably Tommy as his voice is far closer as he tells Athena she's annoying. Lola can't help her grin through the whole altercation.

"Sorry about her," Tommy breathes once he's got the phone to his ear, "what's up?"

"Don't apologise for her, it's cute; do really talk about me and the band that much?"

"'Thena, you're dead," Tommy doesn't even bother to cover the receiver this time, though his voice is dampened like he's shouting over his shoulder. Lola just laughs.

"Don't worry about it, dude, I just called to remind you about practice, and your meeting tonight," Lola tells him, holding the phone between her ear and shoulder as she unwraps her hair from it's towel, throwing the towel over the arm of the sofa, leaning against the wall where the phone was connected.

"Oh hell yeah! Awesome!" Tommy's mood shifts immediate, and something tightens in Lola's chest to be able hear the smile in his voice. "Four, right? I'll be there."

"Well alright, babes, I gotta finish getting ready for work, good luck for tonight-"

"You're not gonna be there?" He actually sounded disappointed, and Lola couldn't help her fond smile. Though he couldn't see it, he could hear it when she spoke.

"I'm working a double, covering for one of my casuals," she paused, "but I finish at ten, if you're still around after that we can see who's playing; I think Sucker Puns is playing the Starwood." And he's agreeing quick, joyous and bright, quick to wish her a good afternoon, and then they're saying their goodbyes and hanging up. The kettle finishes boiling.

Lola's pouring milk into her coffee when Vince joins her in the kitchen, now changed into a white singlet and a pair of brightly coloured shorts, making a beeline for the fridge.

"Could you grab me the Easy Cheese while you're in there?" She asks, capping the milk and handing it over, pointedly ignoring Vince's look of disgust at the bottle of cheese he hands her, swapping it for the milk, which he puts away. Lola's already turned away from him, picking through the bread to find a slice without mold and throwing away the other two she had to go past to find it.

"How do you stand that shit? No cheese is actually that colour," Vince frowns as she sprays an upsetting amount of incredibly processed, orange cheese spread onto the single piece of bread.

"I don't know a lot about cheese," Lola starts, carefully folding the bread in half, taking a big bite and turning to Vince, leaning against the counter; he looks a little horrified, there's cheese almost leaking from the bread, "but I feel like, in my heart, you're wrong," Lola tells him, mouth full of bread and cheese sauce, "besides, it's my dad's favourite-" she took another bite, "so don't be a dick." Though that's mostly unintelligable.

After a long, drawn out pause, they both break out into laughter, Lola with a hand over her mouth to keep from spitting food, but she's quick to finish, and wash it down, gulping down half her coffee in one go.

"Your food habits fuckin' horrify me, you know that?" But Vince is smiling as he steps up to her, wrapping his arms around her where she's leaning against the counter, holding her coffee to her chest. "Nikki living off of hotdogs and whiskey and pills, I can deal with that shit, but you-" he shakes his head, laughing.

"Cheese is good, Vince," Lola fires back, taking another sip of coffee, before reaching back to put the cup on the bench, "and it's cheap; the less I spend on food, the more I can put towards booze and other stuff, you know." Vince's smile is exasperated but somehow endeared, and he reaches up to scratch at her scalp with one of his hands. Lola leans into it, watching him.

"You could be a millionaire and still be downing that plastic, orange shit like it was water," he snickers, though there's no malice behind it, and Lola gives him a gentle shove.

"You gonna kiss me or are you afraid it's gonna taste like cheese?"

He smirks at her like it's a challenge, leaning in and pressing a single, chaste kiss to her lips, something warm and surprisingly tender about it, but then his hands are ghosting down her sides until he's pushing her obnoxious work skirt up, hands on her thighs. By the time he's got his hands on her ass, he raises a single, questioning eyebrow at her. Lola steps her feet apart, never breaking eye contact, still smiling as Vince sinks to his knees. Lola's laugh is low and heady, tipping her head back, and she leans further back on her hands on the counter, all thoughts of the frivolous argument leaving her head.

"I don't have a lot of time, Vin."

"I don't need a lot of time," and she can feel him grinning at his own cockiness as he presses a kiss to the stretch marks along her inner thighs.

Moments like this with this, passing interactions, beats of domestic familiarity, are becoming a far more regular occurrence. Not just with Vince, who throws around casual contact like it's nothing - and hadn't that been strange at first, for the girl who was so used to keeping painfully discrete for fear of jealous girlfriends or groupies - but it's as if everything's shifted. Perhaps it's having someone around who didn't hesitate to reach out, to make contact even with other people around, that made Lola feel more comfortable reaching out to Nikki too. And, of course, Tommy. Even Mick, at times, though that was far more platonic, but he, at the very least, seemed to enjoy her company. He'd even taking to wrapping an arm around her shoulders when he wanted to discuss something about the setup or pack down; a vast improvement from the guy who didn't want her around to begin with.

Lola doesn't think about it too much, because if she does she starts to grin, blushy and unrestrained and completely against the image she's cultivated for herself. It's not really anything serious, they all still have lives, and they all still have groupies, in a manner of speaking, but it makes her happy in ways she can't quite articulate.

They're in her thoughts for her full nine hour shift. Every smoke break she takes she considers how long it would take to run to the Rainbow, but ultimately decides that it would ruin her look to show up in her work uniform. The casual she was covering for had been part of the housekeeping staff, and Lola hadn't been a housekeeper for so long, she forgets how much she hated it, and how disgusting people were, which was saying something considering who she lived with.

By eight, she's flagging and ready to head home, and by ten, she's really half-assing everything, though she knows she can get away with it. When she clocks out, she practically runs the six blocks home. It's not a short distance, but it's habit more than anything else, and when she drags the window open and climbs inside, remembering how Nikki had nailed the door shut after the last party had brought the cops and left the lock ineffective, Tommy's the only one there. He looks about ready to burst with excitement.

"Did it go-"

"They gave us a fucking record deal!" He yells, and Lola, not one to be underdone, matches his energy, actually screams, and practically launches herself at the drummer. Managing to wrap herself around him like a koala, he stumbles back from the force, glad for the sofa behind him as they both go crashing down.

"Fuck yeah! Hell yeah! Fuck yeah you got a record deal!" Lola's babbling, leaning back and taking Tommy's face in her hands where she's sitting in his lap. She's beaming, positively glowing with enthusiasm, and Tommy's right alongside her, tapping at her thighs, grinning up at her. "I'm so proud, I'm so fucking-" but she cuts herself off, can't help herself, kisses him hard, letting go of his face to fist her hands in the collar of his shirt, as if desperate to be as close as possible.

But then she's leaning back, eyes wide, mouth moving a mile a minute.

"I'm still in my uniform, fuck, I- where's the others? Are they out celebrating- lemme get changed-" She rattled off, a frown slowly creasing her forehead, and Tommy leaned back into the sofa, laughing.

"Oh, dude we are absolutely going and getting completely fuckin' blitzed tonight, but there's no rush; the guys are at the Starwood." He adds, and Lola takes a deep breath, taking the moment to calm down, to recenter herself. His hands are so steady and warm where they're resting atop her thighs, and he's grinning, because of course he is, because he's Tommy and he's busting at the seams with excitement at any given moment, but he can still reel it back to let Lola breath, and something about that makes Lola's heart warm.

"You're a fucking rockstar," she murmurs, leaning forward again, and something about how she's looking at him, the glint in her eyes and the way she wets her lips, Tommy never wants this moment to end.

"Yeah," he agrees quietly, "fuck, it doesn't feel real, you know?"

"No other band on The Strip works half as hard," Lola drags the nails of her left hand so gently up the side of his throat, to hold his jaw in one hand, and he leans into it, hums in agreement as she murmurs reverentially, before pressing a kiss to his jaw, "or deserves it half as much."

"Fuck, Lols-" he groans, his grip on her getting tighter, and Lola hums in acknowledgement, but presses a kiss to his throat, "fuck, you just-" but he cuts himself off, and Lola sits back a little, watching with confusion.

"I'm so proud of you, dude, I just- I want to show you, want to-"

And it's like a switch has been flipped in his mind, like he remembers the whole conversation they'd had just a few days ago, like he remembers that he's allowed to want her like this. He surges forwards and crushes his lips to hers, his fingers fumbling with the buttons of her work shirt.

It's awkward at first, fumbling with clothes, and quietly adoring laughter when Tommy grimaces at the state of the sofa, but then Lola's in her underwear, straddling his thighs, kissing him like it's her mission in life, and his hand moves between her legs, and they find a way to fit together. They find themselves a rhythm and it feels right.

They fuck on the sofa, and then again in the bedroom when Lola goes to get changed, and she lets him lead. She's tentative, doesn't want to go too hard or too rough, doesn't want to hold on too tight lest he run the moment she lets go. But his curses sound like prayers, and his nails sting so good where he's holding her hips, and she can't help herself. She scrapes her nails hard up his back, and the sensation has him shivering and groaning, arching into her, and she bites his shoulder to muffle her own moans.

Lola's not in her usual 'going out' attire, settling for a pair of jeans and t-shirt she'd picked up off the floor. As she goes to leave the apartment, however, Tommy, who's grinning like the Cheshire Cat and smelling like sweat and sex and hairspray, offer his hand. Tentatively, she takes it, not quite sure what was happening, and surprised when he doesn't let go. Hand in hand, they head to the Starwood. They both just chat excitedly about the record deal, they talk about what actually happened at the meeting, and not about what just happened, and not about whatever it is that was currently happening.

All three of the other band members, as well as a very awkward Tom Zutaut, were all at the bar, and all cheered when Lola and Tommy showed up. They dropped hands automatically, but neither seemed to mind. While Tommy ordered a drink, Lola made a beeline for Zutaut.

"You made the right choice," she told him with a sudden, unwavering seriousness. Zutaut smiled, but didn't seem nearly as intimidated as the first time he met her.

"I like to hope so," he laughed a little, "so how do you know these guys? Do you just work for them or were you friends- ?"

"I've lived with Nikki for years." She answers honestly, half smiling, and that seemed to unnerve him out more than anything else. The woman turned abruptly to face the bassist, who had discretely been watching the interaction, and her whole expression lit up.

"I heard a rumour that we're getting shitfaced tonight," Lola grins sharply, making her way to him, letting him wrap an arm around her, opening his leather jacket to indicate the bag of white powder tucked away from the public eyes.

"If I remember any of tonight that isn't me signin' a fuckin' record contract, I'm gonna be severely disappointed in myself." Nikki announced, and Lola laughs, and she rests her chin on his shoulder. She tells him she's proud, tells him she knows how much this means to him, but her voice is low, quiet enough that none of the others can hear, and honest enough that it makes Nikki's breath catch in his throat for a moment. When he turns, she's gazing at him with such love and adoration that is almost hurts.

He never wants her to stop looking at him like that.

And for just a beat, she a look of realisation passes over her face, and like she wants to say something- but she can't. She looks away.

The night is a blur of revelries, of booze and blow and pills and strippers, and Lola shuts up about how proud she is about half an hour in, by the time she's good and tipsy, but it's always there in the glint of her eyes, the curve of her smile.

Every so often she'll reach out, her fingers gentle where she holds Nikki's wrist, and the first time he'd frowned, asked if everything was okay, and she'd nodded, but hadn't let go for a few moments. It's strange and endearing to watch the way she interacts with the others, Nikki notes, because he's known Lola long enough to know when she was sleeping with someone on the regular. Something about this is... different.

Vince is loud and tactile, and Lola's grown comfortable tucking herself up beside him, his arm around her waist while they hold two different conversations with two different people, barely paying each other attention, just enjoying the contact. With Tommy it's - horrifying as the concept is - sweet. They share looks, share laughs, and occasionally, when they think no-one's looking, they'll steal a kiss and Lola will turn pink and Tommy will turn smug and it's weirdly endearing.

And with Nikki? She can read him like a book, but out of habit they're discrete. Standing or sitting close enough that they're shoulder to shoulder when there's so much extra space, or she'll take his wrist, or rest her hand on his for a few moments beneath a table. Or Lola will be the one to reach out, make moves that can be construed as platonic, and fill them with meaning that only the two of them are privy to.

Yes, the night is a blur, and he's pretty sure he's going to regret not remembering whatever he and Lola and that stripper got up to in the private room, but when he tumbles into bed, they're both too tired to do more than peel off their various layers of leather and jeans and fall into bed together, but when they're alone Lola's clingy, and they're both too fucked up to really hear Vince's date for the night through the walls, he's coming down enough to appreciate Lola's reverential tone, voice quiet and a little slurred, but so damn sincere when she tells him that she knows he's gonna go far, when she waxes poetic about the way he plays and writes. In the back of his mind he knows she's drunk and enthusiastic, and that maybe he should take what she says with a grain of salt, or that he could be hallucinating.

She's in that high, hyper focused state, the two of them laying facing one another, and she's gazing at him with a distracted smile like she's trying to commit his face in this moment to memory.

"You and me against the world," she murmurs, reaching out to gently hold his chin, as if to keep him in place, "it was always you and me against the world." It's followed by such a gentle laugh, and Nikki can't even begin to keep himself guarded from his own real emotions.

"When you get all big and take off, will you take me with you?"

He's not sure what she means but her voice has gone quiet, barely more than a whisper, her expression so raw, pleading almost, desperate for an answer. He doesn't even have to think about it, just wraps her up in his arms, pulls her close, tries to stave off her worries with the physical contact. She buries against him, warm and solid and so familiar.

"Of course, Lo, always."

[tvmoviechristmas]

This Might As Well Happen: A Comprehensive Diary of Christmas Con

In early October, I was discussing the upcoming BravoCon, a celebration of Bravolebrities with my baby sister, Kerri, who was shocked nobody in my family wanted to go. I was trying to explain to her that it was both super popular and super expensive, when suddenly she interrupted with an idea.

“You know what would be crazy,” Kerri announces, “What if Hallmark had a convention? Hallmark Con! Would you go?”

"Kerri, they would hold Christmas Con in like Missouri, where Hallmark headquarters are,” I noted pretty quickly, “And I’m not paying to get a plane ticket to pay to see Lacey Chabert in passing. I’m not taking the time off work for that trip, that’s insane.”

“But it would match your brand!” she exclaimed, “You love Hallmark!”

“I don’t love Hallmark enough to get on a plane, but it probably won’t happen for years anyway.”

A week later Christmas Con was announced. It was taking place fifteen minutes away from where I live. For a second, I genuinely believed the universe had the ability to fuck with us personally.

--

The idea of buying a ticket for Christmas Con was a passing idea in my head, but it was not an item that was on the top of my to-do list because I had tons of other things to worry about. I was working full-time and taking certificate classes at night. I was in the middle of moving apartments and trying to sort through. organize and pack all the stuff. I was desperately trying to get my older sister to answer my texts about whether or not the facial stabbing that occurred in It: Chapter Two was handled realistically because she is a doctor and why become a doctor if not to answer my questions about injuries in pop culture? 

Things were crazy, and Christmas Con was just not a priority. I figured I had time to decide if I really wanted to go anyway. Christmas Con would not have that much of a demand, right?

Wrong. Christmas Con sold out in minutes. I figured I could potentially shoot my shot on obtaining a press pass (I do have three fans and a write-up in the Chicago Tribune!), but once again, I was like “this can wait for a couple of days”. There were other things to do! 

It could not wait for my sister, Kerri, though. There was nothing she wanted more than for me to go to Christmas Con. So she went on Instagram and DMed them questions about how to get a press pass before sending me what felt like a billion texts on how she promised the Christmas Con organizers that I was going to send them an e-mail to get a press pass that day and that she was going to pray that I get one because it was my destiny because it was fifteen minutes away and I run a made-for-TV Christmas movie blog. Do you want to fight destiny, Kace? Do you?

I guess I did not. So I e-mailed in my request, was somehow approved for a media pass, and subsequently lied to a billion people about what my plans for the weekend of November 8th were because nobody I worked with needed to know I was going to Christmas Con.

But that’s where I was going. As Kerri told me, “you’re a Christmas movie expert! That’s where you are supposed to be!”

--

FRIDAY

4:08 PM - According to the last minute e-mail I received from the Christmas Con organizers, the convention is supposed to open to the media at 4:30 PM. However, one of my two talents is getting hopelessly lost going anywhere, so I leave my apartment at around 3:40 PM and arrive at the convention around 4:00 PM. The parking lot looks deserted when I arrive and I briefly wonder if I am  at the right location, but then I spot some ladies seemingly tailgating the event in winter wear. This spectacle gives me the inkling that I am probably close to where I am supposed to be.

I figure that I might as well enter the con sign-in area a little earlier because I have a vague worry that the media line might be messy; however, the process of checking in is generally quick and painless. It probably helps that there was absolutely no line whatsoever. Even though I am terrified that someone to tell me that they made a mistake and it is ludicrous that a tumblr blog is getting a press pass to anything, I am actually given a media badge and waved into the hall.

I check my phone. It is only 4:08 PM. Immediately, I am frightened at the prospect that some security guard is going to yell at me for being in the convention area early, but after taking a deep breath I just decided to roll with it. It’s Christmas Con! We are all supposed to love each other! That’s the Hallmark way!

As I walk into the convention center, “Sleigh Ride” begins to blast on the sound system. Since “Sleigh Ride” is my least favorite Christmas song, my guard is immediately raised. Hopefully, the music choice is not a harbinger of bad things to come at Christmas Con.

4:25 PM -  I decide to mill about in the empty autograph area to get an idea of what Hallmark “celebrities” are going to be signing at the event. While attempting to get a picture of an Erin Krakow banner, I hear a door burst open and someone shouting “Lace! Lace! Lace!” from behind me.

Immediately, I become paranoid, scared that some con organizer is yelling “Kace! Kace! Kace!” because they know I am not supposed to be in the autograph area before the place opens. Maybe they also read my blog, and realized that maybe they do not want someone who doesn’t fully buy into Hallmark’s conservative message roaming around their event.

After ten excruciating seconds, my brain clicks back into place and I turn around to realize that it is just Jonathan Bennett having a dramatic Mean Girls reunion with Lacey Chabert before the event starts. Sometimes sneaking into areas you shouldn’t be in is worth it, even if it does spike your anxiety. That’s how you get exclusive content.

4:31 PM - As the clock hits 4:30 PM and the VIP pass holders storm in, I become a little more comfortable at the notion of hanging around Christmas Con and start to roam around the hall. The vendor area is a lot smaller than I expected and I did not expect it to be all that big in the first place. In total, there are about  20 booths set up, and a solid chunk of them aren’t even selling anything. The items that are being sold in the hall are not exactly what I expected either. One vendor is selling what seems to be a bunch of top hats. Another is selling cooking sauces. Surprisingly, there are only a couple of vendors actually selling Christmas decorations. Earlier in the week I had withdrawn cash from the bank with the idea that I might be able to buy something while I was at Christmas Con, but *spoiler alert* my cash balance stays the same throughout the entire three days of the event.

The centerpiece of the vendor area is a photobooth set up by Hallmark where you can take various kitschy pictures (in a snowglobe! by a fireplace!) while muted advertisements for their upcoming original movie slate and streaming service play in the background. It also is an area where you can look at a hilarious collection of framed screenshots and promotional photos of Hallmark’s crop of “celebrities”, which is my personal favorite part of the experience. Nothing says Christmas like a framed photo of Candace Cameron Bure peeking around a door!

4:43 PM -  As the convention starts to warm up, a lot of the “celebrities” are just walking around the vendor area . Nikki DeLoach jumps into a snowglobe picture with some random fans. Holly Robinson Peete films the Hallmark booth on her phone, while Rachel Boston tries to take a picture of the giant Christmas Con banner hanging over the autograph area. I am sure that this is the part of the experience is supposed to make the VIP experience worth it. You pay a lot of money to come in a half hour early, and maybe a Hallmark “celebrity” will walk by you as you take a picture holding a “I Love Hallmark Movies!” pillow.

5:12 PM -  The crowd starts to pour into the vendor hall as Christmas Con officially opens to the public and I instantly become a little scared. The Christmas Con crowd is not my crowd. I watch made-for-TV Christmas movies for the snark. They watch made-for-TV Christmas movies for the sentiment. I was genuinely dismayed when my mom bought me a Hallmark movie sweatshirt. They were theirs with pride. I get hives at the idea of paying money to take a selfie with anyone. They are all here to wait in line to take pictures with Lacey Chabert. Their idea of Hallmark-based small talk is discussing with each other how glad they are that Alicia Witt is here because they loved A Very Merry Mix-Up. My idea of of Hallmark-based small talk is ranting about how It: Chapter 2 could air on Hallmark if you really wanted it to. The plotlines are similar!

No, seriously! A woman in her early 40s, successful in her career but with the Wrong Guy, returns to her hometown after a tragic event to settle unfinished business. There she meets a friend from her childhood (played by a blandly attractive CW actor) who has been in love with her all along, and whose entire character is based around this love. He works with his hands and can build things! There are some missteps but eventually they kiss once and live happily ever after. On the sidelines,t here is a black friend mainly there to provide exposition and a gay friend who the writers aren’t really explicit about being gay. You put in some snow in the background and you can air it on Hallmark on Christmas Eve! It is uncanny!

Nobody at Christmas Con would care though, so I figure that this would be the time to check out the empty panel area. Right in front of the panel stage are a bunch of entries for a gingerbread house decorating contest that was being held on Sunday.

Yeah, the Christmas Con people are not my crowd.

5:30 PM - “Sleigh Ride” plays for the second time and I begin to think that maybe Christmas Con is against me.

5:51 PM - A lady sits down next to me in the panel area, which is still basically deserted. “Did you expect there to be more?” she asks me.

I flash my media badge at her. “Honestly, I didn’t pay for this so I can’t be disappointed.”

“I’m just happy I didn’t fly in from North Carolina for this because that would feel like a real waste.”

I just hum noncommittally in response.

5:57 PM - “There’s no bad Hallmark movie!” I overhear a woman telling a reporter. 

Well, that person isn’t reading my blog.

6:07 PM - Christmas Con is supposed to officially start with a tree lighting ceremony. The crowd gathers around in tree in the autograph area to see the event, but for the most part all you can see is people trying to take pictures.

Santa comes out with little fanfare and no announcement. It is a stark difference to Jonathan Bennett, who comes in with a huge announcement that includes a list of all of his credentials (there aren’t many, he’s only been in one Hallmark movie). According to the Christmas Con materials, he is hosting the event. I am not exactly sure what that means but apparently it involves him leading the crowd in a call-and-response version of “Deck the Halls”. 

“It’s what this is all about!” he tells the crowd after they oblige him. 

After that bit of hyping, Bennett decides to introduce the true star of the convention and so-called “Queen of Christmas”, Lacey Chabert. They do not waste any time after she is brought out and they light the tree. It’s hard to feel magical about all of this because it is impossible to see.

Bennett’s hosting tells me that we’re having a good time though. “Hey Santa,” he asks, “Did you know New Jersey could be so much fun??”

6:51 PM - After the tree lighting ceremony, I go back to the panel area to finish my soda before bouncing. My escape plans are dashed by a staff worker promises me that they are going to start the trivia game soon. I did not ask her if it was, but I feel obligated to stay now so to not disappoint her.

7:01 PM - Before the trivia game starts I glance at the stage and realize that one of the podcasters is livestreaming the room to their Instagram feeds.

“Oh fuck,” I mutter to myself, “Are they taking a picture of us?” 

“Yes, they want to see how bored we are,” the lady sitting next to me responds.

7:06 PM - The trivia game starts about fifteen minutes after the staffer promised me it would. It promises to be full of talent from “smash hit Hallmark podcasts”, a concept that sounds fake to me but is real enough to Christmas Con.

I make it about fifteen minutes in before I realize that watching other people answer “True or False” questions about Christmas isn’t incredibly fun when you don’t care all that much about the Christmas holiday itself. So I decide to duck out, hoping I don’t look like a complete jackass for doing so.

7:30 PM - Before I leave for the night, I take a lap around the autograph area to see how its going. It is going incredibly well for Lacey Chabert who has a line so long that the convention organizers announce that she will be staying 45 minutes after the event closes for the night. Only Lacey Chabert is making that courtesy though, which seems fair because nobody else is commanding much of a line.

In terms of bang for your buck, meeting up with “celebrity” who is not Lacey Chabert seems like the smart choice. The other guests seem to be having somewhat long conversations with the one or two people waiting in line for them, and if conventions like these are feeling like you are close to celebrities, isn’t that the experience you want?

A part of me feels guilty that these “celebrities” are just sitting around not doing much of anything, and it almost made me want to spend money on meeting them just so they would have something to do. Then I think about it for three seconds, and remember that 1) I hate meeting “celebrities” and 2) I do not make enough to justify spending money on lifting the self-esteem of “celebrity” strangers. So I leave that idea behind and leave the building for the night.

—

SATURDAY

11:30 AM - My Saturday morning class lets out early, so I make it to the convention center about an hour earlier than expected. It is much more crowded today. I’m assuming it’s because there is going to be more to do aside from watching a crowd watch a tree light up. My plan is to just park myself in the panel room all day.

I ask a staffer where media is supposed to line-up for panels. She tells me she has no idea, but she will ask and let me know shortly. She leaves and I watch her talk to people for a couple of minutes. She doesn’t turn around. I keep waiting and waiting before I realize that she is never coming back. I wasn’t getting answers, but I settle for buying a $6.00 cappuccino instead. I’ll figure it out.

11:42 AM - The first panel of the day is billed as a reunion of former All My Children stars Melissa Claire Egan and Cameron Mathison. I find myself sitting next to a family who are very excited at this prospect.

“We are going to be breathing the same air Cameron Mathison is,” the teen girl cries in excitement to a woman I would assume is her mother.

 “In a way, we already are,” the possible mother excitedly whispers back.

As they continue to vibrate in excitement, “Sleigh Ride” plays in the convention center for the third time and I groan to myself. At least someone’s happy.

11:56 AM - Cameron Mathison has been spotted by the family and excitement abounds, but not for his shirt. 

“Shouldn’t he be festive?” the possible mother asks about his all black ensemble.

“Well, he has to take a lot of pictures.” the teen notes back.

12:05 PM - All of the panels are hosted by the co-hosts of Bubbly Sesh, Hallmark’s official podcast. They bounce on to the stage before telling the crowd how excited they are to be there.

“We are with our tribe. Our team. A room full of Hallmark fans!” they say to a crowd of cheers.

I also cheer. Mainly, because I finally got the Wi-Fi to work on my laptop after a half hour of fruitless efforts to maintain a connection. But they don’t need to know that.

12:07 PM - I learn a lot about Cameron Mathison during the first few minutes of his panel. Apparently, he is the new host of Hallmark’s Home & Family talk show. He also was diagnosed with cancer in the past year, but is now in remission. And he is the apparent “king” of Hallmark Christmas movies, according to the BubblySesh podcast hosts, but that last fact seems debatable to me.

Mathison also claims during the panel that starring in The Christmas Club, an upcoming Hallmark holiday movie, is what made him realize that he needed to push his doctor for a cancer diagnosis. So Hallmark can apparently save lives. 

12:14 PM - Before the Q&A starts, the BubblySesh podcast hosts tell the audience to keep the questions free of the “nitty gritty”. The want everyone to stick to Christmas and  careers! It’s a real bummer because it means I have to scrap my plans to ask everyone what would happen if you got stabbed in the cheek, as that would probably be too gritty.

The Q&A stays relatively tame throughout. The most exciting it gets is when an audience member brings up the idea of doing a Hallmark All-Stars movie. The lady sitting next to me is excited about that concept! I wonder if Hallmark would have the budget to pull off a Love, Actually. I doubt it.

Every panel wraps up with the BubblySesh announcing that “it’s time for the BubblySesh Pop Culture Quiz!!!”. This quiz is less of a quiz and more just general Christmas based questions with a grating announcement beforehand. This announcement would become more grating every time I heard it (and it was at nearly every panel). At the time though, I wasn’t aware how haunted I would be by this “game”. It was still early in the day.

1:07 PM - Next up on the day’s schedule is a scarcely attended panel about Christmas podcasts, a podcast genre that is apparently more bustling than I would have ever expected. All the panelists (of which there are way too many) are enthusiastic about how well their podcasts are doing and give the crowd advice on how to start their own because, as they say,  you can never have too many Christmas podcasts. 

I never expected to get a motivational speech about how I could start a Christmas podcast if only I believed in myself, but then again I never expected to be at Christmas Con.

2:10 PM - The marquee panel of Christmas Con is up next, which is a Mean Girls reunion featuring Lacey Chabert and Jonathan Bennet. This panel is less of a Hallmark panel and more of a Mean Girls panel, and it takes all of five seconds for “so fetch” to be referenced.

The most Mean Girls detail of the panel though is how Jonathan Bennett latches on to Lacey Chabert. He spends the entire panel looking for every opportunity to compliment “Lacey Chabert”, and he always uses her full name. 

“Everyone on the Mean Girls set was constantly cracking up because Lacey Chabert was so funny.” 

“Lacey Chabert cooked everyone a Thanksgiving meal while we were shooting Mean Girls, and she is a great cook!”

“Lacey Chabert is the sweetest.”  

I half wait for him to announce how one time Lacey Chabert punched him in the face, and it was awesome. I have no idea why he thinks this hypeman routine is necessary, since Lacey Chabert has been commanding the longest autograph lines by a sizable margin and the hardest question she gets from the audience is “Why are you so nice?” I do wish I had a Jonathan Bennett in my life though. It must feel nice to be constantly complimented. I guess that’s why people aim to be the Queen Bee though, isn’t it?

2:32 PM - In what is clearly supposed to be Christmas Con’s buzziest moment, Daniel Franzese, who played Damian in Mean Girls comes up on stage to start delivering candygrams to surprise of the audience and the panel. Lacey Chabert starts to cry, while Jonathan Bennett screams.

After a couple more questions, Bennett tells everyone to take out their phones and begins to perform the opening of the “Jingle Bell Rock” dance to the room. Another potentially buzzy moment from a convention that desperately needs some. 

3:08 PM - Up next is an odd assortment of a panel featuring Nikki DeLoach, Alicia Witt, Holly Robinson Peete and Chad Michael Murray’s southern drawl. The last one confused me because I was pretty sure Chad Michael Murray had not spoken with a pronounced southern drawl before. I text my younger sister, Tara, a noted One Tree Hill fan if he had a drawl on the show and she tells me he did not. So why is he suddenly Southern? He also seems to have a hatred for chairs, and spends a majority of the panel trying to desperately slide off his.

3:23 PM - During the routine question about Christmas traditions, Nikki DeLoach gives an emotional answer about her young son requiring multiple heart surgeries and that her experience in the hospital taught her the importance of charity and giving back to the community during the holiday season.

Somewhat hilariously after that, everyone else on the panel announces that of course they are going to be doing more charity work this holiday season. Are they being genuine? Who can say. But you certainly can’t give a rote answer about how your favorite tradition is decorating the tree after a fellow panelist tears up about her experience giving toilet paper to the less fortunate and how it impacted her life. Nobody wants to look like a jerk.

4:07 PM - The last panel of the day features Jackee and Melissa Joan Hart, and the room is barely empty. As someone would inform me the following day, “it’s because they are more Lifetime than Hallmark Christmas movie stars”.

Lack of Hallmark “celebrities” aside, it is a great capper to the day. Hart provides a decent amount of insight on the made-for-TV movie making process, and Jackee is just a fun personality to watch.

The panel concludes with someone asking what’s a fun fact that someone wouldn’t know about them. Jackee answers that she is still having sex.

Good for her. It is a solid note to end the day on, as I decide to skip out on the upcoming Ugly Sweater Contest to go back home. Six hours of Christmas Con is enough Christmas Con for the day.

—

SUNDAY

8:31 AM - Early in the morning, there is a press line available for the media to attend if they have any questions for the Hallmark “celebrities”. I decide to skip that because the only question I need answers to is what happens when you get stabbed in the cheek (my older sister still has not gotten back to me on that), and I don’t think anyone who stars in a Christmas movie is going to have a satisfactory answer.

As I lay in bed, I briefly consider not going back to Christmas Con at all, but then I finally get a response from the super about the cockroach I found in my bedroom the night before. Turns out they are bugbombing the place, and I need to be out of the apartment for five hours. 

So back to Christmas Con I go.

10:30 AM - Christmas Con Day 3 is a weird place. Lacey Chabert is no longer the celebrity commanding the longest line, because former General Hospital star Ryan Paevey is there and his line is an hour and a half long. I am informed it is because he is hot. 

Even stranger is the fact that there is a twenty minute line to get a picture with a snowman balloon. I know there’s not much to do at Christmas Con but that seemed to be pushing the bounds of reason to me. But I suppose these are the new rules of Christmas Con.

10:52 AM - The people in the VIP line for the Danica McKellar and Rachel Boston panel are give me a rundown of how the autograph queue works. 

“You have to have your priorities in order!” they tell me before explaining that they got to the con at 9 AM to make sure to get their photo with Ryan Paevey. “He’s so handsome!!!”

They also explain that they find their VIP passes useful in snagging all the autographs their hearts desire. I say that that’s good because the VIP access the media badge allows me to have just seems useless for panels, which have never reached capacity. 

“Yes, they have!” a lady tells me, “There are always people hanging out back past the barrier trying to look in!”

I don’t have the heart to inform her that those people are just in line waiting for food and that as someone who has attended every single panel, I have always noticed empty seats. 

Later on in the conversation, I try to express concern that some of the panels have been too random a selection of “celebrities” who have no chemistry with each other and make for an awkward time. The group disagrees with my assessment. 

“Actually, they are all great friends. Did you not hear Jonathan Bennett call it Christmas Camp earlier? Do you follow him on Instagram? He’s been playing pranks on Lacey Chabert! It’s hilarious!”

Have I said that Christmas Con is not my crowd?

11:02 AM - Before the panels for the day start, “Sleigh Ride” plays for the fourth time. Apparently, no Christmas Con day can start without it.

11:16 AM - The panel line-up for the day starts with a panel with Danica McKellar and Rachel Boston. Someone informs them that they always have chemistry with their leading men, a fact which is news to me, a person who watched both McKellar act through one of the worst on screen kisses of all time in one of her June Wedding movies and Boston *mwah* her way through Ice Sculpture Christmas. 

“We have kissed most of the men here,” Boston noted in response before listing the con guests she’s done movies with throughout her time on Hallmark. There’s one person she realizes that she and McKellar have yet to kiss though. “Not Ryan Paevey.” 

“He’s next!” McKellar decides. That gets a decent response from the crowd, because he’s good looking!

11:48 AM -  “Sleigh Ride” starts up again as the panel closes. It has now played five times, which is five times too many in my opinion.

11:59 AM - The people sitting behind me at the writer’s panel are already preparing for next year’s Christmas Con. It goes to show you that not everyone hates being here. It’s a mixed response!

The writer’s panel is probably one of the more interesting ones because it’s one of the few about the process of creating made-for-TV Christmas movies. Of course, it means that barely anybody is there.

The few of us who manage to attend the panel have the chance to snag a “I Love Hallmark Christmas Movies” wristband from one of the writers. She gives me two. 

1:49 PM - After the writer’s panel is supposed to be the gingerbread contest judging, which I figure is a good enough time to take one last lap around the vendor hall. 

Ryan Paevey is still commanding an hour and a half line for autographs, but thankfully people are no longer waiting to take a picture with a balloon snowman. The booth selling Christmas romance novels has gone out of stock, but they give me their last advertising card. The outside world has discovered that nobody is monitoring the screen that displays #ChristmasCon2019 tweets so I spend a few minutes watching the spam tweets they are sending it’s way. It’s beginning to look a lot like Jeffrey Epstein was murdered here on the Christmas Con big screen!

One booth is trying to sell one of the “I Love Hallmark Christmas Movies!” wristbands for two dollars each, which is a total scam because other booths are giving them away for free. So I step in and give one of the ones I got at the writer’s panel to the elderly woman who is about to buy one. Those vendors probably do not like me, but I did not come to Christmas Con to make friends. I came to escape my bugbombed apartment. 

Speaking of, I am desperate to go home but a phone call informs me that I can’t go home until 4:00 PM. Two more hours of Christmas Con for me it is.

2:06 PM - After the gingerbread contest, but before the start of the When Calls the Heart panel a bell choir, who is not on the schedule, randomly performs. As I sit there wishing my apartment was bugfree so I could sleep in it, I hear loud and raucous cheers start up. I turn to the person next to me and ask if they know where the noise is coming from, and they tell me that there is a wine glass convention happening next door.

As the party at the wine glass convention seems to rage on,  I wonder if that’s where I should be instead. It would certainly keep me awake, and well, I broke some of my wine glasses during my move. It could be helpful!

2:18 PM - The When Calls the Heart panel is incredibly confusing to sit through for many reasons. First of all, I don’t watch the show, so every plot point mentioned just leaves me nodding as I try to pretend I am an avid viewer who cares. Second of all, I keep zoning out and zoning back in to the panel and every time I do it, something weird seems to be happening. Sometimes Paul Greene is trying to lead a sing-a-long of “White Christmas”. Sometimes Jack Wagner is wondering what the plot of When Calls the Heart actually is.

The most confusing aspect of the panel though is Greene’s button situation. Apparently, he thought that Christmas Con was the place to forget to button up. Maybe he’s trying to keep up with Ryan Paevey. Did you hear that he’s hot?

3:07 PM - The final panel of the event is the alleged “Hunks of Hallmark” panel. However, it is announced that Ryan Paevey is too hunky to be there, because he has a seemingly endless autograph queue and that’s where the real convention money is anyway. So we have to settle for Jesse Metcalfe and Andrew Walker, who has just arrived from JuiceCon. This fact delights the Q&Aers, and in what is supposed to be a hilarious bit we are all in on, everyone brings up the fact that Andrew Walker has a juice business when they come to the microphone.

At this juncture, I feel like a kid sitting in their final class of the day waiting for the bell to ring. Sure, we might be having fun bringing up juice all the time, but also it’s time to go home. And after one final joint scream of “It’s time for the BubblySesh Pop Culture Quiz!!!”, we are free to leave.

3:52 PM -  The panel closes and immediately “Sleigh Ride” queues up for the sixth time of the convention. If ever there was a sign for me to go home, it is that.

3:59 PM - As I drive the fifteen minutes back to my apartment, I call my mother. She asks me if I had fun at Christmas Con, and I genuinely don’t know how to answer.

“It was a thing that I did,” I ramble. “It was an experience. I think I would have been mad if I paid for any part of it or if I had to travel further than fifteen minutes. But I didn’t. And even the parking was free, so all I lost is time, which doesn’t account for much really, I guess.. And well, it’s a story. Plus, it’s my brand.”

And who am I to deny a universe that wants me to live up to my brand in new weird, free-to-me ways? If Christmas Con was good for anything, I guess it was that.