#first time i'm posting my own poetry anywhere

[been-a-girl]

reparations

I hurt you.

You got upset.

I said I'm sorry.

But it wasn't enough.

Let me try again:

My deepest, sincerest, most life-changing apologies,

that my body did not create you,

my womb did not form your cells

into the shape they are today.

I never soothed your nightmares

or held you when you wept.

Your cuts and bruises never felt my lips,

praises of bravery tainted by my microphone.

I'm sorry that you're older than me

and this world didn't allow me to be

your terrible mother.

I guess that means I owe you.

But I failed at that as well.

Never sucked your dick.

Or stroked your fragile hair.

Last time you came over

you wouldn't even share my bed.

With a little more patience,

I would have given you everything.

You held my heart already,

my body was sure to follow.

Now I see your name in passing

and when the rage dies down.

I still think sorry

that I didn't kiss you

when I had the chance.

[sunnylands-world]

If it's the last time forever

PAIRING: Draco x fem reader

SUMMARY: it wasn't ever supposed to be more than a few nights together but a few nights can lead to three words that can ruin everything

WORD COUNT: 1'243

WARNING: mentions of sex, angst, some poetry I wrote in between

UNIVERSE: harry potter

A/N: hi everyone! Sorry I haven't been as active, adult life is kicking my ass right now, anyway I have a request similar to this so I'm thinking I'll make that part 2

You read the warnings if you continue to read. I'm not to be held responsible.

Comments, reblogs, and inboxes are appreciated and motivational

I DO NOT CONSENT TO HAVING MY WORK POSTED TRANSLATED OR PUBLISHED TO ANY THIRD-PARTY SITE OR APP. IF ANYONE SEES MY WORK ANYWHERE BUT HERE IT HAS BEEN REPOSTED WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.

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Draco knew what this time meant. He'd come to your door around this hour many times but this time it felt more weighted, like what was behind it was his two way answer for life and choosing the wrong answer would ruin everything, he didn't like this feeling. It was suffocating, wrapping his heart in rope and pulling at it till it bled and left sores; but this wasn't supposed to feel that way and it hadn't always.

It was just sex, it had been for months and that's how it was supposed to stay but going into this he knew the risk of touching, seeing, and breathing you in.

That's what started this in the first place.

He'd wanted you but not like this, not before at least. In the beginning he wanted you to himself for pleasure and pleasure only. He didn't like the thought of sharing what he touched and you were his, just for a night; but after a while it wasn't just a quick leave and enter…

The words that were whispered in a breath, the touches that gripped tighter, and the positions went from just feeling to seeing.

The need to see your eyes, the need to feel your lips.

you'd both broken the rules all because sex gave way for feelings and they were clearly there with every movement but neither of you let the words that would change it all slip…

That's where it got intense, that was the hold back that was the brick of ice on waves of water.

As you opened the door you didn't even meet his eyes, and in the beginning that was how it was supposed to be but now it hurts not seeing them look hopeful and excited to see him.

He only sighed as he looked you over while you fidgeted with your fingers. you were so beautiful so perfect to him, something written out of his own diary…

"We need to stop this," you rushed the words out like they were hot on your tongue and he had to admit they stung.

"I- fine" he said, kicking his raw emotions down the steps and watching them tumble.

"Why can't you just say it, do I really mean nothing to you? are you not even gonna try to change my mind!?" You shouted, cracks in your voice making way for your tears to fall and shaking like you'd cave.

"ricochet, ricochet my love… don't fall apart because of me."

"Say what?! That I want this!" He snapped, still fighting back the part of him that wanted more.

"you won't even fight for us, it's like you're heartless!" You say, pointing at him and every breath sucked in like there's not enough air to breathe.

"Can I hold you close, caress your skin, til you can breathe once again? I am the wave beneath your boat, I know how well you float…"

he wanted to tell you that it wasn't true, that he'd been thinking about you when he wasn't here. that he'd been distracted because he needed to be near you to focus. That every time he said possessive things in your ear he meant it but…he wasn't going to.

"I'd tell you something in French because it's pretty, but I can't speak it. My darling, my love. it's hard to be romantic when you're choking on food"

he wasn't sure why but all this scared him, maybe it was because he was in a position that put you in danger or maybe he was afraid of what this all meant but seeing you cry like this dropped his heart Into in stomach breaking it into pieces. He never wanted to be the source of your pain, he only wanted to make everything better but here he was breaking your heart because he was scared.

"Don't cry, please don't cry. I swear I tried but I fuck up sometimes. This isn't an excuse, my pretty muse. I'm an asshole and I know it's true but I sure do give a fuck about you"

"Are you ashamed? Is that it? Does being in love with Harry Potter's sister bother you that much? No, you're a coward. you don't want others to see you with me!"

Your words were full of rage and he deserved it but this was how it had to be, to much was what it would cost and because he hadn't really experienced love he was sure it was worth the risk but he also didn't want it to end like this but telling you otherwise would light a fire in you with hope so he lied.

"yes! I'm afraid I'll look like less if I'm with you!" He said and it sounded like a script he'd rehearsed but it did the job because you felt like a bullet went through you, you were bleeding out, possibly dying.

"Say it isn't true. I'm pulling the rope because I'm in love with you. Be the one to pull it back, fight for what I tried to push back. I won't last long your love gives me a heart attack"

"Get out! And don't even come back again, I never want to see you again, don't speak to me ever again!!" You shouted slamming the door in his face and just like that it was over.

He had to hide his pain as he walked away. He didn't need people to know he was seeing you in the first place. He could hear his father now, picture all the danger this one relationship could be.

He knew if others found out they'd have a field day with the knowledge that draco malfoy was with potter's sister. Word would travel fast like fire on grass, one blade catching and passing along until the whole field burned and that would mean the other death eaters would know. then they'd force him to say where Harry was or worse tell him to trick you into trusting him enough so he could get closer to harry and then they'd want him to kill him.

He couldn't do that to you, he wouldn't.

As time went by his days seemed to be darker than before, much darker and colder than his home.

He didn't like not seeing you anymore, not breathing your air, not meeting your eyes that held a light pulling him and taking him away from all of this.

He wished it was different, pictured a life where he wasn't who he was. Just an ordinary boy without complications but maybe then none of this would have happened, there may not have ever been a him and you.

It made his heart heavy and put a pit in his belly and his throat felt closed and empty. Were you worth it? Were you worth changing everything… he knew you were but he was still just Draco Malfoy and he knew deep down that what happened between you would be the last time forever…

Or maybe it wouldn't

"I can kiss a million roses and forget which one but the reds all stay the same like our love with a claw. I've never been scared of bears because I've never seen them maul but now I know they do have claws, scratching at our love like we've attacked them all. fear not my love, it's not the end for hearts can heal again and roses may grow with new stems…"

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MY TAGLIST HAS OFFICIALLY SHORTENED! IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN MORE OF MY WORK FOR DRACO COMMENT BELOW! 🥳

©Sunnylands-world this belongs to me therefore you don't have the right to do anything with my work or ideas without permission.

Nice thought, reblogs, and inboxing is appreciated and motivational ❤

Draco lovers and requests

@alexxavicry, @kyracanwrite, @animeloverfreak310, @phildunphyisadilf

[topazadine]

Five Common Anxieties of Newbie Writers, Demystified

A simple post for today to address common concerns I have seen from younger writers over the years, which includes:

"Everyone else is so much better than me; I'm behind."

"I can't share my writing or someone will steal my idea."

"I am in direct competition with other writers; their gain is my loss."

"I shouldn't read while writing because it will ruin my unique voice."

"If I don't explain everything in meticulous detail, people won't understand my vision."

As always, this is my experience and my opinion as someone who has been writing seriously for about 15 years and reading, well, since I was a tiny baby. I also have several years of experience tutoring younger writers at both the K-12 and collegiate level.

Here goes!

1. "Everyone else is so much better than me; I'm behind."

You are not behind. Even if you start writing in your 60s, you are not behind. That's because there is no such thing as being behind in writing; you are where you are, and you'll only get further if you keep going.

Of course you're not going to write like Brandon Sanderson, or Tolkien, or Stephen King, or whoever when you're 20, because you're twenty. You just got out of high school two years ago and haven't even graduated college! These writers have decades on you and are naturally going to be better because they have had more time to learn.

Comparison is the thief of joy. You will not be happy if you are always comparing to yourself to every other writer and bemoaning your lack of experience.

As I have said multiple times throughout my blog, I encourage you to try to write 1 million words before you even think about publishing anything. Do fanfic, because then you can't publish it and you know you're just practicing. You will likely look back at where you started, with your first story, and go, "oh thank god I didn't try to publish that. I wasn't anywhere near ready."

And even then, you still will not be behind, because there's no one track toward success in publishing. You are just where you need to be right now, and you'll keep going where you need to go as long as you keep writing.

2. "I can't share my writing or someone will steal my idea."

I have seen a lot of this on writing subreddits. People will ask questions, but be intentionally vague about their plot because they are worried about someone else filching their idea and making it their own. However, they will refuse to share nearly anything useful, making it impossible to answer their question with any specificity.

Now yes, theft does happen. There was a horrendous story recently where an agent stole one of their author's ideas to give to another author, who then published faster because the agent had left Author 1 in Revision Hell on purpose. I'm not saying it never happens.

But the thing is that it is not the idea that makes any story special, it is the execution.

My Eirenic Verses series centers around poetry magic. That's the whole gimmick. But poetry magic has been done before to great effect by several other authors! There's a book called The Poet Empress out on sub that I'm hoping and praying will get published because I want to read it; everything about this story sounds AMAZING.

From the blurb, this book is vastly different from my own, which is a great thing. Both of us came up with this concept and took it in unique directions, giving readers more options for engage with poetry magic in completely different ways. And I love that!

Don't worry too much about people stealing your ideas. After all, your idea has been done dozens of times before already, even if you haven't been able to find an exact copy of the plot. We are all riffing off ancient plot forms and tales.

3. "I am in direct competition with other writers; their gain is my loss."

The joy of reading books is that you can read hundreds in a year if you want to. It is not like car sales, where people buy one single car every few years.

People buy books that they don't even intend to read; how many of us have dozens of books in our TBR pile that we'll probably never get to?

Yes, it's possible to lose out on competitions or publishing slots to other writers, but that is the nature of the economy, not the fault of any other writer. Placing yourself in opposition to a well-respected writer, especially one in your same niche, does you no favors.

Other writers are your peers, not your antagonists. No matter what you are writing, no one will do it quite like you, so you shouldn't worry if someone else's story is somewhat like yours. That just means that there is overlap between your audiences, and you should support them even more so that people like both of you.

The best way to be successful is to build community. People support those that they like and who are nice to them.

4. "I shouldn't read while writing because it will ruin my unique voice."

Your 'unique voice' is a mishmash of every other writer you have ever read because that is how learning works. You have absorbed the lessons of every other book you've put before your eyes (or into your ears), picked out what you liked, and left the rest. So yes, you do have a unique voice, but it is based on other writers, and the more you read, the more you refine that voice.

My favorite authors are Emile Zola, Willa Cather, Emily Dickinson, William Carlos Williams, Robert Frost, China Mieville, Terry Prachett, and Herman Melville. As a child, my favorite books were the Redwall series and The Unicorn Chronicles. My favorite nonfiction series is The Inspired Traveller's Guides by Sarah Baxter.

You can find all of those influences in my work, but you can also find dozens of other authors I have loved throughout my life. There are books that still haunt me today whose titles I can't even remember, just the concept or a specific scene.

My writing voice has become so strong because I like so many different kinds of writing and I have synthesized them all together. I learn something from every single book I read, even if it's just what not to do.

You can't become a strong writer if you don't read. It's essential to developing your voice. The more you read, the more you develop your voice, and the more that you can resist the urge to completely change your style based on what you are currently reading.

But you can only get to the point of having a strong, coherent voice by reading. So don't shy away from it.

5. "If I don't explain everything in meticulous detail, people won't understand my vision."

Here's a brutal truth: it doesn't matter whether other people see exactly what you see in your work. What matters is that they enjoyed what they saw. No one is going to have your exact same vision unless you turn your book into a movie.

Everyone's journey through a given book is influenced by their own life experiences. For example, if you asked a French person to describe a castle, they are going to say something completely different than what a Japanese person would say. What an Indian person envisions when you say "sword" is going to differ from what an English person thinks about. And that is fine and good!

You do not need to put your reader in a chokehold and make sure that they are seeing exactly what you see. This can be a huge turnoff to readers, especially if you do not present things in the proper order, because now they are constantly having to revise their setting with the new details you are providing.

Here, for example, is a description from my first book, 9 Years Yearning:

Every few steps, he ran across another example of a High Poet's work: ostentatious stone structures with smooth stucco sides, dramatic depictions of wild animals and fantastical beasts jutting from their surface. Others were more sculpture than home, tiny pebbles that slotted together to make a swirling mass of windows and doors. Goldnin, being one of the more well-heeled cities, had many wealthy merchants more than willing to spill quillim for a poetry-infused property.

Everyone who reads this is going to see different "wild animals" and "fantastical beasts." They are going to imagine the pebbles as different colors; maybe one person thinks they're all different shades that make gradations, while another wants them all to be tiny chips of quartz that sparkle in the sun.

I am fine with this. A story is a scaffold to allow readers to adorn with their own imagination, creating a personalized experience. I have given the reader some specific elements but left the rest vague so that they can envison what they want, and I'm okay with it not being exactly what I intended.

Once you have put a story out into the world, you're done interpreting it for the reader. It is now theirs to enjoy. They can do whatever they want with it, just like you can go buy something from the store and spraypaint it neon orange if you want to.

Your job is not to grab the reader by the face and tell them what you want them to see; it is to provide enough detail that they can see what they want to see. Giving up ownership like this allows you to make a story that isn't oversaturated with detail but still enables readers to have fun with it.

I hope this helped to ease some of your fears about writing. The most important part is to have fun, relax, and continue to learn all the time!

If you enjoyed this, maybe you will consider purchasing my book, 9 Years Yearning! This gay coming-of-age romance follows two boys in a military academy as they learn the arts of love and war. It includes poetry magic, strong sibling bonds, and all the awkwardness that young romance entails.

[irkimatsu]

I don't think I made a single OC during my time in Matsu fandom, but Hazbin's gotten my furry wheels spinning, god damn you. I'm gonna ramble under the cut to try to get my thoughts straight.

-Almaz (Nina Sinclair), squirrel, non-binary. An 80's one-hit-wonder who died in their 30's after self-destructing and overdosing on drugs, is in love with Husk. I've posted plenty about them before.

-Richard Brenning (hell name still undecided), white rabbit, died in his 50's, pansexual male. An 80's star like Almaz, but unlike Mazzie he got more than fifteen minutes of fame as a singer, reality star, and general tabloid menace. The "controversies and scandals" section of his Wikipedia page is longer than Mazzie's entire page. Absolutely covered in sparkles. I know his outfit includes a sparkly purple vest with nothing underneath, and I keep wanting to give him a hat, but Husk already has a top hat so I don't know what to do there just yet. An egotistical little shitheel at first, possibly an Overlord? Almaz looks up to him but he's a bit insensitive about the whole "one-hit-wonder who self-destructed, don't they all" thing. He'll chill out with some character development and eventually settle down with Angel Dust therefore freeing Husk for Almaz to pursue

-Clara? Originally made her to fill a request but I think I'm keeping her. Still need a last name for her, she keeps her birth name in hell. A small black bear, looks more like a teddy bear than a wild animal. Mainly dresses in floral print. Grew up with Alastor and knows he enjoys hunting, but is willfully ignoring the nastier aspects of her "big brother in spirit" in an attempt to preserve her happy childhood memories of him. Was born after Alastor but also died later than he did, in her 60's, I think? If that request stays canon to my OC's then she has a thing for Husk, but Husk is immediately bitter of her connection with Alastor, so that's not going anywhere. Still no idea what landed her in hell. Is "willful ignorance of the fact that your best friend is a serial killer" a sin?

And Husk's family, all of whom I still need to name:

-Husk's ex-wife was a black woman who lived in the middle of nowhere with nothing but her dreams. She moved to a rapidly growing Las Vegas in the 30's to chase those dreams, and started singing songs she wrote in the same bar where Husk would play saxophone with various bands. The two hit it off beautifully and had a wonderful marriage, with Husk spoiling her with gifts and trips and encouraging her singing and poetry... until everything fell apart because Husk just couldn't get his addictions under control, no matter how hard he tried. It's not his fault, exactly... it just sucks for everyone involved. Don't know what would have landed her in Hell, but I do want her to see Husk again so they can try to get some closure. ...and the pronoun use here is a bit strange because I think she'd realize she's transmasc while in hell? I want something where Husk's spouse thought they were a cishet woman in life, but due to Husk's own experience with the Las Vegas queer scene he always had his doubts about that... but he couldn't risk outing himself, so he never said anything while they were alive. They'll meet again, Husk will take their new gender identity in stride and finally get to come out to them as pansexual, maybe they'll try to rekindle their romance but the spark is fully dead on the spouse's side, Husk desperately needs this closure before he can pursue anyone else. He doesn't expect his spouse to forgive him, he just wants them to understand he never wanted to hurt his family...

-Husk's older daughters, twin girls. Still highly undeveloped, except that they stay close for their whole lives and Husk utterly spoiled them as much as he could while he was still able to see them. Husk has participated in princess teddy bear tea parties, I will die on that hill. They were preteens/early teens when their parents divorced, and a year or two after that their mother stopped letting Husk see them because he's a drunk deadbeat piece of shit. I'm so sorry, Husk. They started families of their own, Husk has grandkids, but he has no idea because his daughters never tried to re-establish contact with him in adulthood. They have their fond memories of him, but also some really shitty ones, especially after an event I'll be talking about in a moment. It's complicated.

-Husk's younger daughter, who I want to flesh out for one horrible reason... the idea of Husk losing his daughter in an accident, blaming himself for it for the rest of his life regardless of what he could have done to save her, and sinking further than ever into the addictions that would ruin his marriage in short order. I'm so sorry for doing this to you, everyone who's involved. She's in Heaven now, and if Husk ever ascends there will be tearful reunions god damn it please

I haven't decided on species for Husk's family, but none of them are cats; the cat thing is specific to him for his manner of life and death, figuratively drowning in alcohol before literally drowning in a lake. Cats hate water, after all. The others don't have that connection to cats. I'll figure them out eventually.

[asyastudieskorean]

9/20/2023 — Hello, studying world. Today I start my journey of learning Korean with my first university Korean class (online). We didn't have any work on the first day, so all I did was read the syllabus (the most basic, non-informative syllabus I've ever read, ha), set up my new desk space, and updated my student bio on Canvas. I haven't been a college student for about 3 years, so it felt like I accomplished a lot. When the readings and assignments start coming in, I'm sure reality will hit.

I've always wanted to learn Korean, and my goal is to reach a near-fluent level, but I know it'll be hard, especially with my full-time work priorities. Eventually, being able to teach and work in translation is my goal. FYI, Chinese, Thai, and Japanese are on my list, too, but I'll be realistic and focus on one language for the foreseeable future.

Last week, as it so happens, I had to move from my family and childhood home, and I am lacking in the positivity department rn, so I think having a place to chronicle my studies and the progress I make will be good for me. I tend to start a new blog on here when I'm having a hard time, and it helps.

So, the plan is to take two full academic years of Korean (that's 3 quarters per year at my university). That's just how much Korean the school offers. I graduated in 2020 from this same university with a BA in English with a focus on professional and creative writing, and I really enjoyed the overall experience studying here.

I spent a whole lot of time obsessing over grammar, reading new and old literature, trying to understand poetry, and just enjoying the inner peace I felt when writing fiction. It was maybe my most happy time because I had no other real responsibilities or worries besides school. All I did was read and write.

Anyhow, fast forward to now, after pondering different language learning options (which are limited in my area), I decided to take my Korean classes at the university level because the classes will show up on my official university transcripts, and I imagine that will be best when I apply for future Korean-related jobs. I am also hoping that by taking university-level language classes, they will have some sort of superior level of... intensity? accuracy? efficiency? Something like that. Granted, this route isn't the best for my finances, as there is no aid for non-matriculated post-grads, and the cost of a single class is quite ridiculous. But alas, here I am, with an empty wallet and hope in my eyes.

Upon reading the syllabus today, which could basically be summarized as "TBD," I realized the textbook I bought, the textbook I waited over a week for, the one listed on the online course materials list, is, in fact, not the correct textbook.

And, icing on the bitter cake, the correct textbook appears to be a rare Pokémon that isn't available anywhere except the dark corners of eBay, where shipping will take at least 2 weeks. Like how did other students get this? Did they order it two months in advance? Meanwhile, I have my first assignments and readings due Monday.

I quite literally just sent an email to my professor and asked what I should do, so we'll see what she says, but I really wasn't hoping to be that one student, emailing the professor about an issue on day 1.

Since this is my first post here, here also is a tiny bit about me:

My name is Asya ("Asia"), and I'm a 24-year-old English grad based in Washington; no, not the one followed by DC, but the state with a lot of rain and trees. Twilight? Starbucks? Amazon? Yes, that one.

Since graduating in 2020, I've been a freelance editor and writer. I'm taking Korean both for passion and for work purposes, and I really should have started sooner. But I guess we're all on our own timelines.

I've been on Tumblr for a long, long time, but I've never been part of the studyblr sector. I'm glad to be here. :)

[hollowfaith]

1, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12

QUESTIONS FOR MUN

1. Who has been your favorite muse to play?

ughhhh this is hard...im gonna cheat and go for nostalgia ok

although i think i missed the mark with her muse in some places i have a special fondness for dahlia hawthorne and her specific brand of caustic sarcasm.

i don't think i've ever come up with so many different creative insults during her runtime...also she had the neatest mix of relationships with random muses, not just in AA cast (tho i remember her tormenting at least 3 different feenies??) but beyond, notably izaya and edward cullen comes to mind.

i also really liked my run as kasen kanesada because he's a very lyrical sword (or at least works hard to cultivate that image) so i had to express that in writing and ended up having a lot of fun doing flowery replies and making up poetry and generally going big ham. (it did take a lot of mental energy though so i started losing steam later on.)

i remember he had a thread with FGO Shakespeare that was pretty nice cause we got to be nerdy and talk about eastern/western literature lolololol, then for his challenge he had to kill like 5 ppl in 24 hours so i actually got 5 volunteers to get decapitated and RP'd mini threads with them all, which was wild (and again a very, very random mix of muses including X-Files Fox Mulder)

i didn't RP OCs back then but i like them a lot now too! the lack of art is an unfortunate reality but the amount of customization you get in exchange...so powerful.

5. What is the most difficult thing about writing your current muse?

stupid guy won't just kiss klaus and marry him that would solve 99% of their problems hey klaus are u listening u need to seduce this idiot or something so his brain has nothing but u all day to keep him out of mischief hey hey klaus

ahem

also his unspoken obligation to be lawful good (in his POV) really limits his ability to "act out," so sometimes i need to find different ways to de-escalate situations before he hits moral event horizon. you know, flattery and adoration goes a long way in wrapping him around your finger, i'm surprised more people don't try (i guess they can't stand him long enough to get there lol)

7. Who was the very first muse you ever wrote?

i remember answering this question on another meme maybe...?

there's a more accurate answer now: pre-tumblr, i remember RPing a Lopmon on some digimon forum once upon a time. also remember the mod that was RPing with me called me out for "slight godmodding" because i was describing how my digimon was crossing a bridge and apparently that was taking things too much into my own hands LOLOL

8. Have you ever written a novel? If not, does it interest you?

i've started written novels but i haven't finished any except for like, a couple of original oneshots. technically Veoc is a supporting character/love interest (spoilers: he's not the canon pairing) in a sci-fi story where i have the general plot laid out but y'know, actually writing it is... *flops down*

9. Do you write fanfiction, or have you in the past?

i definitely wrote more in the past but i've slowed down to a trickle since then. uhhhh i want to start up again, maybe with drabbles/oneshots, but i need to catch up on canon first before i try to do the characters justice

10. Do you like stylized icons and formatted text or do you prefer to keep things simple?

god a part of me regrets giving Aury his fancy brackets b/c i have to copy/paste that thing in every reply

so yeah i am never doing that again i just wanna open up a post and type my reply and be done with it, bless.

same with icons as long as they show a face and expression (or even body part) im happy wheee i've got plots to write

11. When did you start roleplaying?

i can't remember...gotta be probably early to mid high school cause i didn't know RP existed back then

12. Have you roleplayed anywhere other than tumblr?

forums, emails, tried a LJ group but my app got rejected so i didn't even get in (ROFL), tumblr has been the most stable medium with most long-term interactions though

[fandomfluffandfuck]

Lmao, perhaps 💀💀 Personally, for unrelated oral fixation reasons, I constantly have gum on me. If not, I will chew the inside of my lip and cheek to shreds, lol.

Me as I am LITERALLY doing the same while reading your reply lkjhgfdda

yep yep yep!!! I love that post with all my heart!!

nowadays i'm looking into older cevans characters and Bryce Langley is 👁️‍🗨️👁️‍🗨️👁️‍🗨️ he's so unhinged and yet so pretty

I love ao3 but ao3 is currently not serving me the Bryce content I NEED ,_, really having a moment of dang if I want it do I need to write it on my own??? can't the words just appear on paper from my brain???

kinda related but not really related but kinda related; how does one get into writing smut?

I've read a lot of smut, and I have thoughts about the plot and stuff if I were to write it, but whenever I try I just feel like I'm being too... Cringe? I just can't get myself to write it like how it's happening in my mind, and I'm constantly thinking of the "He would not fucking say that. No one would say that. Do you know how real people talk?" post. :P

Hope you have an awesome day!! 🤍

— 🔪 anon

related to this

Lmao, I love that for us 💀💀

Pumpkin Spice Chris Evans--Byrce. Yes! It's the perfect time for his pretty, tiny, young era, lmao.

Ohh, yeah, I can't imagine there's a ton of written stuff out there for him, though. I barely see gif sets and such of him, so that would track 👀

I would certainly say go for it, though! If you want that content, be the content!

Fuck 👏🏻 yes 👏🏻

As far as how to get into writing smut...

I would say just do it!! It's scary, it really is, but you can do it! There's some amount of learning curve to it, as there is with any skill--writing included--but the only way to figure out where you are on the learning curve is to do it. If you hate it so much, you don't have to publish it anywhere. No one has to see it. That's the beauty. It's for you first and foremost.

I started writing smut after an ex-girlfriend (girlfriend at the time, lol) introduced me to the world of fandom and then to fanfiction. (The longer story is basically that I wrote her some erotic poetry about the sex we had been having for part of her birthday gift, and she was like, this is good. Really good. Are you aware that people Do This? Publicly? For others to enjoy? I was not aware, lmao.) I didn't get into it right, right away, I did a ton of reading of fanfiction and smut first, but eventually, I just started to do it. I honestly don't remember why exactly I started other than I've always loved writing, and I started to become obsessed with Marvel more and more, thanks to being in a fandom, so... why not write for fandom? At the time, I had no idea what I was doing, and looking back, compared to the shit that I write now, you can tell 😅 but that's okay! It's okay if I think the stuff I wrote at first is shit and find embarrassment in those stories now. You know why? Because it means I'm better at it now. I had to start somewhere to get somewhere. Also, hey, there are people out there who've read those first fanfictions I wrote and who appreciate that work exactly for what it is. Many times, I have considered going back and orphaning early works of mine or re-writing/re-editing them. But I haven't. Partly (truthfully) because that takes a lot of time (especially re-working early fanfics), but mostly because I have learned to appreciate in other writers, whether they create fanfiction or otherwise, seeing them evolve. Their voice may mature or become "better" or more developed, but I can read their voice in their words throughout, and I think that's beautiful. I would love to see that in my works eventually. I would love to be that for someone else.

What has made my writing better has not only been continuing to learn how to better communicate what I want to convey to readers through my words but also how to ebolish those cringe barriers. What do I want to write? Filthy, nasty shit [affectionate]. Okay, well, pull no punches. Put in the obscene details. Paint a picture that would make a prude squirm in their seat and have to close their browser. I, like most people in the US, grew up with some amount of puritanical views on sex and sexuality. I am still unlearning those. I feel I had a head start, being kinky because I have to accept those parts of my own sexuality. When I first began writing smut, there were many more unconscious filters. Those filters, I found in my own writing, to be the most cringy. That and bad grammar. But, hey, English is fucked. Write how you wanna write. People don't speak with perfect grammer. Language is a sandbox, play.

[naranjapetrificada]

[Queueing this a few days early because I know I'll forget the day of]

According to the depths of my archived emails, it was a year ago today when when I created this account, which wasn't my first tumblr account but even though I didn't know it yet, it was going to be the first account I ever used with any regularity. I only did it because of the stupid thing where you have to log in to actually see shit, which was something I wanted to do because I needed wanted to read OFMD meta so badly. I didn't realize it, but even creating this account was a sign that this show and its fandom were going to Mean Something New to me.

(behold: an overlong post about what OFMD and being in this fandom have meant to me, despite the horrors and The Horrors™)

I'm not a fandom rookie. I've been in and out of fandom spaces since my early teens, which means decades plural, although I'll further date myself by clarifying that those spaces were forums and, more than anything else, back-in-the-day livejournal (qepd). I've had blorbos since long before we called them that, or even called them "babygirl." As soon as we had internet access at home I was googling my shows and my characters to see what people said about them and discovering the magic of reading and writing fanfic.

I started using this account to lurk and take in people's thoughtful meta, and puzzle over what I called in my head "kylo ren disease" before I learned to call those corners of the fandom the canyon. But what got me to finally post for the first time was after reading too many fics that evoked themes in the show (and my life) that I wasn't ready to deal with until I finally granted myself a space to yell into the void about grief (general existential grief, the grief inherent in Stede and Ed finding each other relatively late in life, the grief of not being able to become who you are because society has no room for your authentic self, etc). Seriously, every original post I made for the first several weeks I was here was about grief, to the point of needing a dedicated hashtag.

It took me some time yelling into what turned out to not be a void (because people wanted to hear what I had to say?) before I realized another thing I was grieving: writing. I have tremendous baggage around writing, in ways that other "gifted" kids will immediately understand. But suddenly I could write again, hold shit! I wrote lots of meta, until the feelings I had about everything boiled over into a shortish fic because I literally couldn't find anywhere else to put them.

This was the first time I felt compelled to write my own fic in over a decade, and the first time in around that same amount of time that I could stomach writing fiction at all. Then I wrote another. And another. I often describe these shorter fics as having been written by "the poetry part of my brain," which is shorthand for being centered around an image or two that I couldn't stop thinking about, not really needing plot, and perhaps most importantly, self-contained in a way that allowed me to use them as tools to process an emotion and then put it in a box like season 2 Frenchie.

I love and value those fics, the way you can love and value something that helped you but that you no longer have a strong attachment to. That I can look at them now and see beauty in fiction I wrote without my aforementioned writing baggage causing a problem is a testament to how important they were for me. But then I started thinking I might want to write a longfic, and when the idea didn't go away after a few month I decided fuck, I guess I'm doing it? And I am doing it, and that is huge, and when (not if, when) I finish it will be the longest piece of fiction and one of the longest pieces of writing I've ever completed.

I'm actually writing longform fiction, something I've attempted to do my entire life but that never felt possible. And not only does it feel possible, it feels important (to me at least) and necessary and vital. That's the way writing used to feel before, well, *gestures at previous two decades* and being given that back is truly a kind of gift. And yeah that's a gift that the source material gave me, but it was also a gift from all of you who are out there reading and writing and commenting and painting and literally ever other form of participating in a fandom that it's possible to do. It's a gift that has allowed me to reclaim huge parts of myself and my personal narrative in ways that are truly therapeutic (which my therapist, a former art therapist, has endured me talking about at length). It's a gift I'm going to be grateful for forever, and I'm just so thankful to all of you for it. And I'll even still be thankful for it the next time I'm forced to behold whatever new cursed take has popped up in the tags.

I think. Definitely probably. It's just the cost of doing business.

[goodlucktai]

Hellooooo. 1. I love your work so much. You bring a certain charm to character dynamics that I can't seem to find anywhere else. I think I'm in love with it. I keep rereading your fics, especially the ones where characters are kind to each other. I have a soft spot for your post-rise movie fics where leo is loved by his family (whichever versions of them). Thank you so much for sharing your work online. 2. I wanted to ask, what are your favorite written works? Are there any books or fics that you feel inspire you?

thank you so much that means the world to me !!!! kindness is simply the whole point of it all and if that's the taste my writing leaves in your mouth then i can die happy

as for books that inspire me, i can't rec "the house in the cerulean sea" by tj klune enough ! it slotted into my heart and stayed there. my all-time, top of the pile favorite.

also the "gentleman's guide to vice and virtue" by mackenzi lee is the first book in a series that i absolutely adored. i havent followed a series as ardently as that one in years. the overall ending was so satisfying i'll cry right now just thinking about it. i also really loved "the watchmaker of filigree street" by natasha pulley (but i havent read the sequel yet!!)

"the thief lord" by cornelia funke was pretty formative for me, and so was "good omens" by neil gaiman and terry pratchett and "his dark materials" by philip pullman

on that note, there was a book by eva ibbotson called "journey to the river sea" that i loved as a kid. and then in high school i stumbled upon another book by her, "a company of swans," which swept me away down the amazon river all over again. and it honestly felt like revisiting a place i loved even though i’ve never actually been there

in their own ways, all of these stories are about discarding the parts of your life that hurt you/going against the grain/finding your own family...... which is also a recurring theme in 99% of everything i write. definitely safe to say i took some lessons from these greats 🙏

i could probably keep going all night, and i'll definitely remember like 10 more titles within the next hour that i'll hate myself for leaving out. but honestly i absorb a little something every time i read anything, whether its books, poetry or fanfiction. that little gut-punch moment of words arranged in just the right order that they take your breath away?? now thats what i live for

[dobaara]

hello! feel free to ignore this, but i've been seeing your poems on my dash and i was wondering if you'd like to share a bit about the thought process behind them, your inspirations/influences and how you got started. did you start writing and then study form, or the opposite? or did you not study form at all? also, how long have you been writing? i'd really like to get started with poetry as well but i feel like everything i write is forced and stilted. if you have any advice, i'd love to hear it! if not, that's totally fine of course. have a great day.

hii hello how are you?! thank you for asking me this, I'd love to tell you more! <3

okay so I started writing mainly to try and cope with my trauma and try to heal from it, it still does hurt but I'm glad I decided to write about it, it made the pain a little easier to digest. And I mainly wrote stuff in the genre of heartbreak and sadness (let me tell you, this one poem I wrote that was a mix of the first seven minutes of one of my favorite movies and my own experiences that I wrote three years ago is still one of my favorites to this date) and I found that I quite enjoy writing in that genre, I think it was my way of coping with stuff, which seems ironic but at that time I feel I was truly in my element. My friends all started calling me "Tragedy Queen" like the actress Meena Kumari because I was the most cheerful person who wrote about gut-wrenching stuff. And I started writing at the start of 2020 maybe in Jan (I used to joke around with my friends saying my writing was so bad it bought a virus to my country, god I should have shut up) and at that point of time writing was an escape for me, I did not learn any form, I just wanted to write what I felt and honestly did not think of anything else. I still remember the first poem I wrote (I cringe so hard while reading it now)

And now if you'll see, I write a lot about love, both romantic and platonic because it's what I've been yearning about all these years. If you do check my poems out you'll see that there's always an undertone of longing in some of my poems. For me this shows a lot of healing because after everything I faced where I genuinely hated myself to a place where I couldn't write about love (again both platonic and romantic), happiness and contentment without breaking down at least thrice and havjng my hands shake, this shows a lot of moving forward for me (holy shit I have never acknowledged this before now oh mu god) I still do write a lot of heartbreak because I feel heartbreak has become like a bubble, a comfort space for me. My friends still call me Tragedy queen from time to time, but now I think I kinda like that title now. And it's not like I've completely changed, I'm still insecure of my writings and hate them on the occasional day but I've slowly learned to love it and myself too.

I don't think so I'm in any place to give you advice because I'm still a learner but my advice would be to read poems often. I'm not saying that you have to read one poem per day but that's a nice habit that I'm glad I have. And along with that some time before, I used to write four-five lines everyday as a warmup! (I lost that habit because of uni but thank you for reminding me of it) and also when you do write stuff, realise it's for yourself, I forgot to keep that in mind and tried writing for maybe posting it on here or anywhere else and I genuinely hated what I wrote so do keep that in mind!

happy writing!! <33

— ghazal ♡

[yesplsnothankyou]

I hate "reasons to live" posts that are all things you can only really seek out and enjoy if you're feeling mentally well and have a well-adjusted capacity for gratitude. Like "Fluffy dogs, autumn leaves, smiling at strangers!" Here are the small joys that remind me the stakes are made up and you can find meaning in anything you want to and it doesn't have to be purposeful or beneficial. Spoiler, I am an absurdist.

Being seen in the same clothes all the time like a tv character or someone who doesn't have anything to prove

Spending time in an establishment without buying anything (maybe i was thinking about buying something. It's a public place, you know.)

Not knowing exactly how to get where I'm going so just starting off in that general direction and forging my way like an explorer til I can't figure out how to get any closer and I look it up

Starting a book I'm not going to finish, just to get a taste

Finding neat but useless free stuff and keeping it for a few weeks just to look at and enjoy before leaving it in the donation bin again

Taking pictures I have no intention of posting anywhere (mostly interesting things written in public places)

Having friendly exchanges with people and not feeling guilty or obligated when we don't stay in touch

Telling people "I love you" after a brief first and maybe final exchange (if meeting them was nice)

having like 3 snacks instead of a meal. I get my fats carbs proteins and vegetables, who cares if it's hot or plated or complex.

walking places i could bus to

arriving (to events, not commitments) as late and leaving as early as I desire, unapologetically

sitting and laying down in public places

cutting my own hair (it doesn't need to look professional or even good)

Saying "no thank you" to anything at all, without elaborating: Unwanted conversations, oversharing, gossip, political debates, unsolicited opinions.

Singing to myself when I'm walking

Asking for what I need. It doesn't matter if you know the person. You're not putting anyone out by asking if they have a spare tampon, lighter, pen, quarter, or for the time. They're allowed to say no. Don't you feel good when you get to help someone like that?

dabbling in things I have no intention of getting good at or pursuing seriously, like art and poetry and gardening.

crying openly in public. It's not illegal. Every single person on earth has had those feelings. I had a good cry while walking to the laundromat today. nothing bad resulted.

[thedubiouspeach]

New Layout New Me!

I think it's only fair that since I've been nothing but an enigma on this site that I properly introduce myself!

Hi! My name is Bliss! I'm a 25-year-old LGBTQ+ & Neurodivergent writer. I am a Jhin main first and a human never. My fixation is primarily Jhin-centric, but I tend to hop across a multitude of fandoms!

Said fandoms include:

League of Legends (Jhin-centric interest)

Baldur's Gate 3 (Astarion-centric interest)

Psycho-Pass

Jujutsu Kaisen

Sonic The Hedgehog

91 Days

Sun Haven

Buddy Daddies

Blue Exorcist

Yuri On Ice

Kuroko no Basket

Soul Eater

Dragon Ball Z

Steven Universe

Avatar: The Last Airbender / The Legend of Korra

Suitor Armor

Gangsta

Castlevania

I'm a hopeless romantic and throw together ships whenever possible because it's fun and I enjoy exploring dynamics. I sometimes find myself in Rarepair Hell and it is of every fault of my own.

Current ships and their ship names if they have one in my mind's eye:

Jhin / Rakan - Golden Lotus

Jhin / Pyke - Red Water Dreams

Jhin / Yone - Method Acting

Jhin / Yasuo - Freelance Artists

Jhin / Varus - Sacrilegious Shots

Jhin / Vladimir - Crimson Affairs

Jhin / Pyke / Rakan - Weight In Gold

Jhin / Rakan / Yone - Standing Ovation

Jhin / Rakan / Yasuo - Travelling Show

Jhin / Pyke / Rakan / Yasuo / Ezreal / Akshan - The Men Pile

Irelia / Xayah - Kingslayers

Irelia / Xayah / Akali / Nilah - Sparring Practice

Irelia / Xayah / Akali / Nilah / Neeko - Battle Born

Xayah / Sett - Fisticuffs

Shusei Kagari / Shinya Kogami - Kissed Knuckles

Satoru Gojo / Kento Nanami - See No Evil

Hiromi Higuruma / Kento Nanami

Satoru Gojo / Kento Nanami / Hiromi Higuruma

Yuji Itadori / Megumi Fushiguro

Yuta Okkotsu / Toge Inumaki - Speak No Evil

Jun / Dr. Wornhardt

Jun / Vaan

Dr. Wornhardt / Jun / Vaan

Jun / Vaan / Donovan

Jun / Van / Donovan / Dr. Wornhardt / Darius

Rei Suwa / Kazuki Kurusu

Ryouta Kise / Yukio Kasamatsu - Kisamatsu

Daiki Aomine / Taiga Kagami - Kagomine

Kotaro Hayama / Shun Izuki

Kotaro Hayama / Taiga Kagami - Hot-Head Express

Katsuki Yuuri / Victor Nikiforov - Victory/Victuuri/Victuri

Shadow the Hedgehog / Sonic the Hedgehog - Sonadow (duh)

Goku / Vegeta

Rin Okumura / Renzou Shima - Cotton Candy Complications

Shiro Fujimoto / Mephisto Pheles

Nero Vanetti / Angelo Lagusa - Russian Roulette

Katara / Zuko

Trevor Belmont / Alucard / Sypha Belnades - The Usual Suspects

Death the Kid / Crona

Pearl / Bismuth

Sapphire / Ruby

Boundaries:

I won't participate in ship discourse. I just won't, it's not worth it. I have my reservations on certain things and Imma keep it to myself.

What I will do is participate in fandom, fandom activities, and the occasional discourse about the shows/games/comics themselves!

Interests & Hobbies:

When I'm offline I tend to read here and there.

I write mostly romantic/ship-related fanfic and even original works with original characters! Occasionally, I post poetry when I'm in A Mood(TM).

It's an absolute delight to talk about all of my characters that I've taken so much time to craft <3

I make playlists on Spotify and Youtube based on stories I've written, favorite characters, favorite ships, and original characters! I'll be adding those links to my Carrd once I have them both up-to-date c:

I'm not entirely sure what I should be posting on Tumblr? This site is very awkward for me and I feel a tad isolated every time I open it. So if anyone has any ideas of what they'd like to see or a better way to be more engaging drop me an ask!

I might make a post for snippet requests and whatnot that y'all can choose from as well! It'll take a bit, but it'll be up eventually lol.

If you wanna find me anywhere else like Twitter, AO3, Commaful, Wattpad (Idk why, but it's an option), and more then you can find my Carrd in my bio!

Thanks for reading this far and getting to know me! If you have any questions then you know where the ask and DM buttons are c:

[enobariasdistrict2]

What's your headcanon for Katniss and Peeta's children?

How old was Katniss when give birth to their daughter?

How many years apart between them in age?

Your headcanon for their name?

Who gets the singing and art skill from their parent?

Bonus question : please give recs of your fav everlark post-Mockingjay fanfic.

Thank you :)

@curiousthg

omg hi!!

i don't think about everlark's children very often, they're just conceptual reminders/byproducts of katniss's happy ending to me. i want to say they're very protective of each other because that's the sibling dynamic i've always dreamed of having and i truly think that's really important. i feel like they must know something about the history of what katniss went through but they have the respect and maturity to try not to discuss it that much because she needs to talk about things on her own terms.

katniss said it took quite a while for her to feel safe/comfortable with the concept of having children, and i like to think that everlark took things very slowly because they wanted to glide into a relationship and develop on their own terms. also, they were 17 at the end of the trilogy and there's obviously time for all of that lol, they're just traumatized kids!! i think maybe 15ish years seems reasonable, and her and peeta had their first child - presumably a son going by the movies - at 32 and a daughter at maybe 34 or 35. the siblings look to be anywhere between 3 to 5 years apart based on the movies.

I'm coming up with these off the top of my head: the girl is hope or meadow, and i honestly can't think of a boy name at the moment sorry!!

the girl can't sing to save her life, but the boy literally is out here acting like a songbird. the girl prefers to quietly write poetry.

where i love you by brimay is one of the first fics i read while i was in my everlark phase, and words can't describe that it's truly incredible!! highly recommended read

[violetvapours]

It sounds like you're joking but all this is ... exactly how I write?

Except it did give me back problems, my hips and shoulders became misaligned which my massage therapist has had to work back into place lol, I suffer for my art 😅 (Now I'm no longer couch surfing and have my desk+monitor setup back, she says I'm nearly all realigned!)

When a new idea has sparked my obsession, I'm brainstorming plot and character dynamics by marinating in everything I can use for inspiration. Drawing on other art & media; creating an aesthetics and poetry tag; outlining emotional beats in a playlist of songs with fitting lyrics of a certain genre; researching canon, meta, myth, languages, medicine, history, armour, nature etc; and throwing scraps of prose for scenes in the evernote app as they strike at all hours of the day and night.

Then I set up in bed at night or shared office with mr in the arvo, with candle, fairylights, tea, cat, headphones & playlist on loop to paste notes into scrivener and sort them into chapters. I expand on whatever line or paragraph anywhere in the story grabs my interest the strongest in a session; just following the vibes and going where the words flow. In lucida grande font so I can visualise the published prose; unfinished text in green, urgent edits in red. I forget to eat and sleep.

(The most chaotic time was during the lockdowns when I was writing a time travel fic with 2 separate timelines in alternating chapters ... all at the same time)

The first chapter writes itself within a week, and I get excited and post it prematurely. Eventually each chapter fills out enough to polish and post over the course of months or years, after getting stuck on the middle plot, switching between 5 other wips, and eking out writing time between all the super fun major traumas life keeps derailing me with. Most readers lose interest and I end up dragging myself to the final chapter to satisfy my own completionism and for the couple of kind stragglers left 🙃

the best part about comparing notes with fic writing friends for how you go about doing the fic writing? definitely realizing that you are horrified to your very core over how they go about doing it.

really solidifies the fact that everyone is different and that it doesn't matter how you do the thing as long as that process works for you

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

where can one read your fanfic? i've seen you post about your ocs and stuff for ages, and i'm really curious!! ☺️

Oh my gosh!!! I'm so delighted you want to read them enough to Ask Where They Are, you have no idea!

Short answer:

Everything that's published in full chapters is on my fanfiction.net page, under "Raven's secret-keeper"! (I haven't finished moving everything to Ao3 yet. Largely because I want to rewrite most of it first.)

Story order goes: Unforeseen and Unforesaken, Mystery Sickness, Even in Death, Missing: Raven, and Dove's Dark Discovery, then Kary the Wanderer skips ahead a bit, and Fire and Flight skips ahead several years.

fanfiction.net/~ravenssecretkeeper

And you can also find scattered random scenes on this blog under "rhs writings".

Long answer:

They're also posted on deviantArt under RavensHiddenSoul, a FEW are on Archive of Our Own under "Ravens secret-keeper" (without the apostrophe), and SOME of them are posted here on Tumblr as well!

Actually, my "rhs fanfics" tag here has several scenes that aren't posted anywhere else! They're usually just singular scenes, but I try to post ones that can Stand on their Own.

And it's probably important to know which order to read them in, because Dear Azar, There Are A LOT.

~ I have character bios on fanfic.net for everyone except Leyla and Evangeline! Maybe read those first if you're interested in my OCs? 8O

Leyla's character bio is on her tumblr at mind-on-magic.tumblr.com/bio...

...and Evangeline's is only posted on my dA Stash here:

For you specifically, I recommend at least reading Dove's 2012 character bio (the new and improved one!) and Srentha's character bio. Those are my OCs straight from Azarath. Kary's hasn't gotten an update yet, but it's.... on the agenda...

Anyways, here's the order to read them all!

Unforeseen and Unforesaken

Mystery Sickness

Even in Death

Missing: Raven

Dove's Dark Discovery (MANY tw's apply. Ask if you need them!)

Kary the Wanderer

Fire and Flight

--> "Unforeseen Surprises" and "Nothing Good Lasts Forever" were rewritten and posted separately as "Unforeseen and Unforesaken" and "Even in Death", respectively. So you can ignore those two!

And you can probably ignore... the... "poetry collections", if you can call them that. I wrote most of those poems when I was 12. I still like "Dove's Prophecy" and "The Mirror", though! Dove's Prophecy is written in the same time period as DDD, with the emotional tone and mindset around Chapter 14, so it's pretty heavy, but you can read that and get an idea if you want to slog through the 250k words of DDD from that tone, I think.

I will warn that I'm aroace so there's little, if any, romance in my stories. There are Plans for some between Dove and Srentha, but, ahahahaaa.... that's gonna be Awhile before it's posted because I LARGELY post things in chronological order, and figuring out how to write that stuff is Hard for me.

And then... well... there's Another Blog that has some of my sickfics on it, but I don't like advertising that one publicly because they're massively emet*phobia-triggering, I write them to cope with my emetophobia but it's such a Personal Thing for me so I don't want random people reading it, and if you want to read those, let me know and I can dm you a link? I don't mind friends reading them!

[queerofthedagger]

how do you find motivation to write? I think you're very cool, especially with 70 fics uploaded on ao3! not comparing my self to you, but I would also like to be able to write so much in a small amount of time, except I'm not able to. I either think my writing is not that good, or lose the motivation to continue... for eg, yesterday I wrote 300 words I was very proud of, but then I kept rereading and editing, and suddenly I'm not proud of it anymore. how do I continue writing? without nitpicking... also one thing I've noticed is that if I write some amount of words, I tend to re-read and start editing. is that the problem?

thank you so much! I really admire you a lot and have been feeling low and upset because I can't write long fics or any kind of fic.

Hey nonnie, first of all I'm sending you loads of hugs because that is an exhausting place to be in ❤️ Now I know you said you're not comparing yourself to me, but I can only really speak from my own experience here, and it's really important to keep in mind that everyone is different, so -

First of all, I've been writing on and off since I was 10 or something. That are a whooping 19 years, and almost none of that is on my ao3 (or anywhere else visible to the public eye, thank god). Even then, if you go back only three years on fics I have posted (and some from back then I have deleted again) you'll find that my writing has changed a lot (I like to believe for the better).

So the first piece of, admittedly kind of unsatisfying but still most important advice? Practise. Practise practise practise. Write it badly, write it messy, but write. You will get better, and you will get faster, but you're only going to achieve either of those if you actually write.

Which sucks! I get it. I get having something in your mind and not getting it on the page the way you want it to, which leads me to my second point: be gentle with yourself. Don't push through if it upsets you - a lot of people say 'just force yourself' but I don't believe it's the best approach. Read things with a focus on what you like about what you are reading, read poetry, note lyrics of your favourite songs. This is a hobby, supposed to be fun and bring you joy, and if it only upsets and frustrates you, it might be better to take a step back and find the joy in stories again first.

Third of all: write what you want to read, not what you think others might want to read/what might get you loads of kudos, etc. Write what you are passionate about, the fic you have always wanted but never found, the one only you can write. Get excited about all the scenes it is going to have, make playlists and moodboards for it, ramble about it to your friends and get excited about getting to that one part. It makes writing the parts you're maybe less excited about easier, in my experience.

Which leads me to: yes, don't keep going back to edit. This isn't a hard and fast rule and others might disagree (again, everyone is different) but it seems that you may be similar to me in that regard. If I keep re-reading and editing, I lose motivation too. I'm a fairly quick writer on my first draft, but that is at least partly because I write it badly, and I can edit it later (and I spend a lot of time on editing before I post my stories. I mean, a lot). Get your first draft done first. Maybe skim back for details, but don't edit it to death before you're done. You don't judge your cooking before the meal is done either. I find editing to be much more bearable and less demotivating when I can see the story as a whole, and yes there are parts I have to fix or that I can tweak to be better, but I've already written an entire story, and that's amazing no matter what!

None of this is a magic fix, and I'm really sorry that you're struggling so much. It's a process, and sometimes it's hard, but I do think that reframing the way you approach this in small ways might help. I said this above, but this is supposed to bring you joy, and I really hope you can find that, in your ideas or the way you phrased something, or even just that you wrote 300 words and kept yourself from picking them apart. Let yourself be proud of what you wrote, that you did it at all is amazing! ❤️