#first route and im already unwell

[saint-cichol-is-watching]

Tifalia and Ion relationship!!!

[assmaster-8000]

short cécile song analysis here because im chronically unwell about cécile, so. fair warning for some heavy topics such as putting yourself to sleep with the fishies

last resort is very explicitly about suicide. like, very explicitly. they put it in your face in big bold black letters.

i imagine his loyalty to gael is the only thing keeping him in this world. but even that has its run that can't last forever. if cécile puts gael on a pedestal, then it could be a case of 'please let me sacrifice myself for your cause because i can't go on living and id rather die protecting you'. it could also be a case of 'nobody else can protect you like i can so ill stay alive for you', but considering the song at hand i think he's already at the point of being utterly hopeless. considering he smokes a lot despite the possibility it impacts his ability to perform as a bodyguard and overall health, he's more so the type to passively kill himself and not struggle in the face of death. yes, it might kill him. but what can he do when there's so little in this world that provides him respite?

his last resort could quite literally come as his romance with mc. i think mc is only truly equal with lázaro and cécile at first, so as much as cécile is walking weapon for his lovers, mc is the only one he can view as one in the same (controlled by a god, fish outta water, their determination to live far out does his physical strength so it kinda balances the scales). i believe their bond with him is more so the latter of 'im the only one who can protect you so ill keep on living'.

so i guess the whole gimmick of "romancing cécile is dangerous because failing to develop it properly could lead to your death" has more context more than the fact he's a literal killer because the possibility of his love with them failing would be his last straw. cécile'll finally take the reigns of his demise now that all has truly failed. and like a weapon can turn on its executioner with a slip of the hand, he'll take mc down with him. that's the last act of romance he can provide for them in a bad ending of his route - a mutual death. that's what you asked, by romancing him anyways. know that the monster will still love you with its claws and teeth, and know that the monster will kill you with the same with one wrong move.

but really, i guess it's because of my projection clouding my ability to consider other routes, but i can't see a way mc would personally ruin their relationship with cecile past their whole weird relationship with the tower and the unknown god. to love cécile is to be the one to chase him, to chase after cécile is to know he'll claw your skin off in a desperate attempt to stave you off and yet love him anyways. to love cécile, you absolutely must have courage and drive.

and for cécile to love you is to hope you'll continue to reach for his hand, no matter how tight his grip is, and tell him he's not as doomed as he thinks he is. it's not a matter of lying to him - he's knows he's doomed. he's acutely aware of the blood on his hands. he wants you to love him, doomed and all - on his last leg, and all.

What sad songs represent each love interest the best? (please make me cry with them, pleeeeease)

Don't know if they'll make you cry, but I think of the LIs when listening to them and they make emotional :^)

✦ Sad songs that represent the LIs

✦ Amon: La canción — Bad Bunny, J Balvin

✦ Raeya: Without you — Ursine Vulpine

✦ Gael: Shots — Imagine Dragons

✦ Envy: What could've been — Sting

✦ Ara: Corps — Yseult

✦ Xal: Broken parts — Smash into Pieces

✦ Father Pride: Everybody's changing — Keane

✦ Lázaro: Ricochet — Starset

✦ Cécile: Last resort — Falling in Reverse

[reignsan]

Hi, after years of lurking and reading quite possible 8 times the total in dissertation and posts about it (not to mention fanfics), i finally downloaded and started fate stay night.

So i was wondering, do you have any advice on how to take the series? Honesty l, im kind of nervous on entering Shirou first route, because all the misogyny. I mean I know that its the survival guilt, but that doesnt erase the pages and pages of sexism i will have to wade through. And I have some bad experience with a game that forced bad endings, which seems to be the plate of nasu games.

But i really, really want to get into the themes of heroism, regret, ideals and redemption. So any advice in how to take the game for a newbie (this is my 3rd ln I have played)? what is the best mindset for taking the game? what ia for you the best and the worst of the game?

Thank you.

Shirou's sexism is, I feel, overstated and exaggerated by memes. He definitely is overprotective of Saber and has a few "girls shouldn't fight" moments but it's not like it completely pervades his viewpoint or anything.

Also it is only present in the first route, it doesn't show up at all Unlimited Blade Works or Heaven's Feel.

FSN doesn't really have forced bad ends. It has bad ends if you make certain choices, and some of them can be pretty gruesome, but I don't think there's ever a situation where they feel unfair or unwarranted by the choices the player had Shirou make. If you really want to avoid them there are guides online to tell you exactly what choices to pick to get the true endings for each route.

Another sort of low point on the Fate/Saber route is it's probably the slowest one? Because a lot of it is establishing the setting and worldbuilding. There's a number of scenes that are just Rin explaining to Shirou how magical stuff works. Though the good news is UBW and HF have much less of those because it was already explained to the reader before.

Personally I think the first half of UBW is the most boring the entire novel gets. It gets really good after Caster dies though, I love everything in UBW’s second half. Archer is my favorite character in the franchise and that’s when he shines.

Heaven’s Feel is the darkest and approaches some pretty heavy topics, including rape being used in one character’s backstory, so please be aware of that if it makes you uncomfortable.

I guess a good way to approach FSN with is to remember Shirou is extremely unwell mentally. The more you read through it the more this becomes apparent, especially later on in UBW, but keeping it in mind even from the start helps a lot of stuff click into place.

[ventiskies]

having a daddy’s girl daughter | Venti, Xiao

pairing: venti x fem! reader, xiao x gn! reader

a/n: of course i’ll write xiao too!!! im soft for fatherly xiao content qwq. this has been in my drafts for so long id thought id finish it!! hope you like it!

Venti

★Your daughter had met Venti since the day she was born, despite him not being her actual father. while that man had left you the moment he had found out about your pregnancy, Venti had been there from the start

★And so naturally, she had grown up in Springvale calling him her own father (of course, when she had gotten older you had told her the truth about her actual father, not wanting her to live a life where she had thought the anemo archon was her father. but surprisingly, she had not cared)

★Venti wasn’t always there, sometimes being elsewhere for a couple of days, having his own duties as an archon. but your daughter always understood. unlike the man who had initially brought her here, Venti was a better father figure for her, and every gust of wind that breezed into the window of her room she had always known he thought of her as his own as well

★She had always had a liking towards Venti, probably more than you do, and you were dating the archon

★Whenever you both went to Mondstadt to eat at Good Hunter when she had been younger, about five years old, and find Venti singing tales by the water fountain, there would be no hesitation in her eyes before she jumps right into his arms, almost knocking him into the fountain from the shock

★Her small cries of “it’s daddy!” as she lets go of your hands and run into the crowd that was listening to his songs, jumping right into his arms would almost give you a heart attack if it weren't for the fact that she had done it basically every single time

★Venti would laugh softly, grabbing her head so she wouldn't knock right into his shoulder, and place his lyre down. the crowd slowly dissipates but it was the least of his worries when his little girl was in his arms

★A small kiss on his cheeks from you and he was already joining the two of you for lunch despite the fact that he does not have to eat, being an archon, but he did enjoy the company the two of his favorite people brought

★And the fact that your daughter had spent more time with Venti had probably be the reason she had grown up as a teenager the way she was now. carefree, brave and bright, just like Mond itself.

Xiao

★Xiao wasn't quite thrilled seeing you had a daughter the first time you had introduced her to him

★But all he knew was that she made you happy, and he was certain to protect whatever keeps you happy

★The first time you introduced her to him she had only been five. Xiao would try his best to get on your daughter’s good side by acting less like how he had the first time the two of you met (less cold and ‘scary looking’, as you had told him)

★He made dandelions nearby fly using his elemental abilities, showing her how to fight slimes (your daughter was young, but you trusted Xiao knew what he was doing), and taking her to strolls whenever you were unwell or didn’t feel like going out, or when your daughter was feeling restless and you were too tired to match her energy

★The small actions turned into bigger ones and eventually, your daughter grew up to become closer to Xiao than you would have expected to

★Every time you were in Liyue Harbor and was planning on going to Mondstadt, she would ask you to use the route that passes through Wangshu Inn just so she could see him again

★(Not that you'd use any other route anyway.  Because you too would always grab the opportunity to see your boyfriend again)

★You felt your heart swell whenever you saw your daughter’s eyes widen the same way they had the first time he had shown her what his vision could do. Seeing the way she would run into his arms and happily talk his ear off about all the adventures she had went on after joining the adventurers guild, and even offering him almond tofu that she had packed just to give to him

★Instead of feeling jealousy or envy, you had actually felt more content seeing her so being close to him. Ever since he had met your little girl, you had often seen softer sides of Xiao that you rarely saw before

★Like the hushed whispers of comfort through the door whenever she wakes up from a nightmare, the sight of the guardian yaksha cradling her to him from the candle lit room next door causing you to feel as if your family was finally complete

★Xiao would deny it if you talk about it the next day, but deep down he’d do the same thing over again even if he know you’re watching, knowing he now had two more special people to protect.

[dialovers-translations]

You! Are the reason I was able to become a part of this fandom. When I first stumbled over Kanato and began looking into the whole Dialovers thing it was your blog google threw my way. So I got myself a PS Vita, cracked that thing over the course of several weeks, because holy shit is it difficult to get an emulator onto that thing if you don't know what you're doing, and then I played Haunted Dark Bridal with your translations.

And look where I am now with over 100 posts on my Kanato blog @papuru666... It has become one of my greatest comforts to analyze the brat and it all could only happen because you and all the other amazing, selfless, genius translators who make it possible with their continuous work. Thank you, I'm bowing my head in gratitude 💝

I have a question or rather: something I'd like to ask of you or rather rather: a twofold proposal.

I want to replay HDB and analyze Kanato's full route, going through each chapter, to point out interesting things, analyze his behavior and the way Rejet plots their scenes. For that I can absolutely just paraphrase what happens and it should work out. But for a better reading experience quoting some of your translation work to better structure my essays would be a tremendous upgrade.

I do not intend to say anything about language or the way translation and original interact because I can't, I don't understand japanese at all, and because I have too much respect for your work to mess with it in any way.

But there's a lot of text in Kanato's route alone, so asking this of you I feel unwell even if I don't intend to quote like the whole thing, only selected parts. I want to repay you somehow, if this is in any way okay for you at all. I really don't know what would be enough or of what kind of service I can be to you. But I'm open for anything!

I already asked another translator, @tournesolia for permission to use their translations a while ago. And I still intend to do that for the games I first played with their translations. But for pure sentimental reasons - it all started with you! - I'd like to go back to the exact experience I had and recreate the feeling of falling in love with Kanato for the first time. As crazy as that is, objectively speaking. 🙈

I also want you to know that if that is not okay for you, I am absolutely not disappointed, you give so much, I've already been spoiled for life. Thank you so much for your time and efforts, I send lots of love to you! 🥺💜💜💜

Oh my god. > /// <

I'm so happy to hear that my translations were the reason you were able to connect with this fandom! uwu

Haunted Dark Bridal is where it all started for me and this blog as well, so that game does have a special place in my heart.

I will give you 100% permission to paraphrase/summarize my translations and use them in your analysis!

Even though Kanato is not my favorite character (in the slightest haha), I do think there's some extremely interesting content in his HDB route in particular! (A lot of it completely unexplored because Rejet completely ditched it themselves :'') )

Therefore I will definitely give your analysis a read once you publish it! ^^

If there any parts of the translations which are confusing to you (English isn't my native language after all), feel free to contact me through IMs and I will take a look at the Japanese dialogue again!

[torawro]

it’s just so crazy, the god of gods but the first god to get killed IT HURTS. and it’s alright, we’ll get through it but you really had me hooked. speakin about him like he was alive and well lmaooo

but okay i can give you corruption-kink!poseidon cause i already thought up another fic to replace it. i bet as soon as he finds out the chaste deity isn’t playing dumb, that you’re actually clueless to his advances on you he absolutely loses it. he takes the more straightforward route which ends up with you bent over his table, taking a lot more dick than he thought you could. and despite the tears and sobbing, you’re begging for more, for him to go harder as though you were never celibate to begin with. “greedy little slut,” he growls and tugs on your hair so he can look down at you. “wonder what everyone’ll think when they find out i’ve made you my whore”

AHAHZHAJJJAJANAJJXJSJS I— SALIM!!! MALFUNCTIONING! I AM UNWELL! pls help im on the floooorrrrr . ill savor this thirst forever omg there is not a lot of material on him and that makes me so sad bc like :(( wut! i wan be his greedy little slut😔😔😔😔😔😔

& YES it was the first god to have lost the battle, it was definitely a shock but im still mad it had to be HIM of all the contestants 🧍🏾‍♀️ what episode are you on btw?

also LMFAOOOOOO SORRY i had to talk like he was a-okay so i wouldn’t ruin the true experience of watching the show for u

[skyguy-snips]

Chapter 1: The Captain

Book 7: Battle Scars

Words: 1415

Masterlist | Taglist

Chapter 2

note: im very dfubk dnd its dsarurday night im so sorry pls enjoy chapter the new book!!!! ilysm. i'll edit/spellcheck inthe morning. srry lmao im genuinelu very drunk and my gf is trying so sober me up..... its barely working haha sorry anyways i hope you enjoy!! xoxo

note update: i am simply unwell this morning and it’s no ones fault but my own. send your thoughts and prayers lmao

Hurtling through space, Skylar let out a string of curses. She stumbled to the side, slamming into the wall as Tech took another harsh turn to avoid the shots coming from behind them. They had finally gotten that damn lizard thing, only for the previous owners to chase them from the surface.

Omega and Wrecker were in the main hold with the cargo, Echo and Tech in the cockpit and Hunter at the rear guns. Skylar stumbled again as a blast hit the ship, falling into the back of one of the cockpit chairs.

“How much longer until we’re in hyperspace, Tech?” Hunter shouted, firing the guns.

“That depends on when Echo plans on getting the drive back online,” Tech snarked, glancing at Echo.

“I’m working on it!” Echo yelled. Skylar just huffed, already done with their arguing. She watched them work for a few seconds before turning back to the main hold to check on Omega. She was unsteady as explosions rocked the ship, and she watched as Omega pulled the safety bar over her head and Wrecker tried to secure the creature next to her in its crate.

“I don’t think Ruby likes this very much,” Omega said. Skylar dropped into the seat across from her, a confused look on her face.

“You named that thing?” Skylar asked as Wrecker sat down in the seat next to her.

“What’s with these guys?” Wrecker shouted, his hands gripping the safety bar.

“Well we did steal from them,” Omega said. The lizard hissed from it’s cage, and Skylar flinched.

“Technically, the Rhokai stole the lizard first,” Tech called from the cockpit. Skylar shared a look with Wrecker, rolling her eyes. “We are merely intercepting it.”

“They don’t see it that way,” Hunter said, continuing to return fire. A rough blast rocked the ship, the lizard’s cage dropping to the floor and the door flying open. It immediately crawled towards Wrecker, who started yelling.

“It’s loose, it’s loose!”

The creature crawled up his leg, heading straight for his head as he jumped up from his seat.

“Get it off, get it off, get it off,” he shouted, running around in the small area. Omega and Skylar both jumped out of their seats, trying to calm him down.

“Stay calm. You’re scaring her,” Omega said, trying to grab the creature without being whacked by Wrecker’s flailing limbs. He ran clear to the cockpit, slamming into the back of one of the seats and falling backwards.

The creature went flying back into the hold, and Omega grabbed the crate from the floor. Skylar moved to block it’s possible escape route to the cockpit.

“Hyperdrive’s online!” Echo shouted, just as Omega dropped the crate over the creature, trapping it.

“Got it!” she shouted. Skylar grabbed onto her, knowing the jump to hyperspace would throw the small girl otherwise. Tech slammed the lever forward, and the stars blurred around them.

Skylar let out a sigh of relief, leaning down to help Omega close the crate and lock it properly. She made sure Omega was alright, and then she moved to help Wrecker off of the floor.

“You alright, big guy?” she asked, smirking at him. He rubbed his head, an embarrassed look on his face.

“Don’t be mean, Sky. That thing was attacking me!” he whined, pointing accusingly at the crate.

“Uh huh. Whatever you say,” she replied, patting his shoulder as she walked out of the cockpit. She passed Hunter, who nodded at her questioning look: He was alright.

She sat down next to Omega, smiling as she watched the girl peer into the crate to get a better look at the creature, ‘Ruby’.

----------

When they arrived at Cid’s, Echo placed the crate on the counter for Cid to look at.

“That’s one strange lookin’ lizard,” she mumbled, straightening back up to look at the group.

“What’s your client want it for?” Echo asked.

“Maybe it’s a pet. Maybe he wants to turn it into a stew. Don’t know, don’t care,” Cid replied. Omega’s face fell a bit at the idea of Ruby being turned into a stew.

“As long as you get paid,” Hunter finished as Cid turned to walk away.

“Now you’re catching on,” she replied, her back still facing them. “And guess what? That means you get paid too. Bring the lizard in the back.”

Skylar moved to stand by Hunter, nudging him with her shoulder. He glanced at her before turning his eyes to watch Echo and Tech head towards the office. They started following them, but Hunter paused, glancing at a few people along the far wall. She went to ask him what was wrong but they were interrupted.

“Hunter?” Omega called. They both turned around, finding Omega and Wrecker. The girl looked up at Wrecker, gesturing towards them with her thumb.

“What are you two up to?” Skylar asked, the hand not holding her helmet resting on her hip.

“The mission’s over. Can we go?” Wrecker asked, Omega giving them a blinding smile.

“Again?” Hunter sighed.

“It’s a tradition,” Wrecker said, Omega nodding along. These two were trouble, that Skylar was sure of. “It makes the kid happy.” Omega leveled Wrecker with a frown.

“Uh huh. The kid,” Hunter said. They just looked at him, sweet and manipulative smiles on their faces.

“Don’t take long,” Hunter sighed, turning to walk back to the office. Skylar couldn’t help but grin, knowing Hunter had the biggest soft spot for his brothers and Omega. The two cheered, jumping up and down before running from the bar. Skylar followed Hunter, glancing back toward the group of people along the far wall.

They entered the office, Cid tapping away on her datapad.

“All right, here’s your cut,” she said, handing Hunter a handful of credits.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You said the job paid three times this,” Hunter argued.

“For me, not for you,” Cid said.

“And just how is this a mutually beneficial arrangement?” Echo asked, clearly frustrated.

“You’re breathin’, aren’t you?” was Cid’s reply, just angering them further. “Rather generous considering the debt you owe me.”

“What debt?” Skylar asked. Cid tossed the datapad onto the desk, and Skylar picked it up and scanned through the itemized list.

“Docking fees, port charges, gear, fuel, rations, and 20 cartons of Mantell Mix?” she read off. Cid didn’t reply, crossing her arms and leaning back in her chair. Tech took the datapad from her, reading it for himself while the other three glanced at each other.

“Now, I like you, but I’m not running a charity here. You need a big score for us to be square,” she said, pointing her staff at them.

“Like what?” Echo asked.

“Like retrieving that tactical droid, but you bungled that op,” she said, frowning. “I suggest you figure something out before you see my ugly side.”

“That’s not her ugly side?” Tech murmured, glancing at Skylar next to him. She elbowed his stomach where the armor didn’t cover, a small ‘oof’ leaving his mouth.

“What was that, goggles?” Cid asked, leaning closer to him. The argument was cut short, however, by the sound of blaster fire coming from the bar. They all turned on instinct, hands pulling out their blasters. They took off running, pausing in the doorway to the bar with their blasters aimed.

They saw two patrons go running for the exit, a cloaked figure standing by the far wall with a blaster in their hand. They sat the blaster on the edge of the table, their face obscured by their hood. However, a flash of blue and white caught Skylar’s eye, and her breath caught in her throat.

No. It couldn’t possibly be. It was just her mind playing tricks on her, there was no way this person was a trooper, let alone would she be lucky enough for them to be from the 501st. Not after what happened.

Cid shoved past them, angry for the disturbance.

“Hey, what’s going on in here?” she asked, nudging Hunter aside. “Who are you?”

She gestured towards the cloaked individual with her staff, their head turning to look at them. They stepped forward, and everyone’s hands warily held their blasters. The person reached up towards their hood, and all of the air left Skylar’s lungs.

Blue and white plastoid armor. She would recognize those tally marks anywhere.

He removed his hood, looking at them with an unreadable expression. Skylar felt Echo tense beside her, his arm lowering his blaster immediately.

“... Rex?”

-----------

Taglist (request to be added here)

@commxnderwolffe @graciaramirez @killtherandomness @nerjetiise @photowizard17 @selbyknox @unapprovedtrash @xsweetchanx @hannahbowker @lokigirlszendaya @quietly-scrolling-through @wondergal2001 @zombiedixon89 @hanns1d

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki Yuugiroku 3 Fall Saito Story

managed to recover my first post of the year which seemed to have disappeared from tumblr via exporting it…

hope everyone had a safe and happy new year… recently hit 500 followers over the holidays so I’d like to say thanks for appreciating the stuff I’ve uploaded and my translations (I kinda feel the need to say this but: I am an adult who occasionally uses crude language so please be aware of that. Also, i don’t run an image-focused blog. i only wanted to post everything that I thought wasn’t available as clean images online so that people would be able to find and access more Hakuoki content… and i do believe i have done that for the most part).

Threw together a list of things that I hope translate this year into in one of my other posts today… here’s hoping that it will be less volatile than 2020… tho im not expecting much given the news yesterday though i can’t say that i didn’t expect it.

Anyway. translation. Story from the 3rd Yuugiroku game.

The CN of the title I have for this translates to the effect of “The fate/return/destination of (a) migratory bird(s),” which I think looks weird and I’m not sure how accurate that tl is, so I’m just going to categorize these stories by season and char lol. not that it’ll be any time soon before I go and translate another one of these since this did feel quite long…. and it’s not like anyone else is translating these (please someone translate these xD there are 2 side stories per route and i am not looking forward to torturing myself with them!).

also, a significant portion of the punctuation and stuff wasn’t used in the tl i found for this, so that will be reflected in this… will fix it later.

Hakuoki Yuugiroku 3 - Fall Saito Story

Translation by KumoriYami

That day I was delivering Hijikata-san’s message and came to Saito-san’s room.

Yukimura Chizuru: Saito-san, are you there?

[I] Called him from outside his door but he didn’t seem to hear me.

Did he go out?

But the other warriors clearly stated that he was in the room.

Using a slightly louder voice, I called again.

Yukimura Chizuru: Ah, Saito-san are you there?

Saito: Yukimura, is there something [you need]?

Yukimura Chizuru: Hijikata-san said that he had something to say to Saito-san so I was asked to get you.

Saito: Vice-commander? I see.

I got it/I understand I will go at once, you’ve worked hard, Yukimura. [I’ll check the game for punctuation later….probably?]

Yukimura: It’s rare, for Saito-san didn’t hear me calling you.

Saito: I was concentrating, [and] I didn’t hear your voice.

Yukimura: Concentrating? Was it on sword maintenance?

Saito: nn, more or less.

Yukimura: ．．．．．．？

It was rare for Saito-san to answer questions in such vague terms.

Saito: Isn’t (the) vice-commander calling me? I’ll hurry up.

Saito: You can go back.

Yukimura: I understand, then I’ll be going now.

I gently lowered my head and prepared to leave Saito-san’s side.

Yukimura:．．．．．．

His unusual mood made me feel a little worried.

Afterwards at dinner, there was a strange/unusual incident.

Saito-san who finished eating earlier than everyone else set down his chopsticks.

Heisuke: What’s wrong are you already full Hajime-kun?/Hajime-kun you’re already full?

Saito ……Nn.

Yukimura: There’s more of Saito-san’s favourite tofu.

Saito: I’ve had enough for now, I’ll be leaving first.

Leaving behind those words, Saito-san bought his plate into the kitchen.

Nagakura: What’s wrong with Saito? It’s simply unfathomable for him to only eat a small portion of tofu.

Harada: It doesn’t look like he’s feeling unwell, so maybe he secretly ate earlier?

Yukimura: What, Saito-san isn’t a person who would do something like that.

Toudou: Hajime-kun’s been acting weird lately. In the morning today, he went back to his room right after practice.

Nagakura: did he have a headache? Sano, did you ask him?

Harada: If he doesn’t want to say anything, then I can’t ask.

Nagakura: If this continues, perhaps something permanent might happen [gave up rewording for now lol].

Yukimura:．．．．．．

What was wrong with Saito-san?

Was something bothering him?

A few days later.

For the sake of mending the warriors’ uniforms, I went to the common room [tl is large main hall].

Chizuru: Ah, you’re here, Saito-san.

Saito: ! Yukimura——

Saito-san hid what he was holding behind him in a panic.

What was it?

It looked like a book.

Saito:……Will you be mending clothes here?

Yukimura: Yes, will this bother you?

Saito: No, it’s no bother.

Yukimura: Then I’ll be mending/sewing here.

I took out my needlework box and began mending the clothes.

Saito-san seemed to be hesitating about if he should stay or leave/ leaving or staying.

Yukimura: Um.

Saito: What?

Saito: Was Saito-san reading something just now?

Saito: Ah, um, nn, more or less.

Yukimura: Don’t mind me and continue reading.

Saito: But.

Yukimura: Am I bothering you?

Saito: No, but……

Saito-san looked very confused, after…

Saito: Yukimura.

Yukimura: What is it?

Saito: I hope you don’t tell anyone else that I was reading this book.

Yukimura: Don’t tell the others?

What was going on?

To actually not want any of the other warriors to know about this book.

Could it be that this book was on something, like assassination techniques, that shouldn’t be passed onto others?

I felt a bit uneasy.

Yukimura: I understand. I will never tell anyone else.

Saito: I believe you.

With a sharp glance at me, Saito-san began to read again.

The cover of the book looked badly worn.

Yukimura: Is that a manual on kenjutsu?

Saito: Yes, I happened to find it a few days ago, and took it to read. As a result, I’ve started reading this without stopping. If I have time, I’ll read. [reword later]

Yukimura: So it was like that.

That’s why Saito-san has been behaving strangely lately.

Yukimura: But why don’t you want to let the other warriors know?

There was no need to hide a swordsmanship manual.

Saito: That, because. The author of this book and I are not from the same school. Reading manuals from other styles is considered unethical.

Yukimura: I see.

I couldn’t help but laugh at such serious reasoning.

But, that truly was Saito-san’s style.

I started sewing again as Saito-san to read again.

We focused on our own things, and while we were in the same room, it however was natural for there to be no dialogue.

Retreating to the tranquility of the autumn night with only the sound of cicadas, [reword later] and the occasional sound of Saito-san turning a page.

Suddenly I was very interested in that sound and was looking in/looked in Saito-san’s direction.

Focused on reading, his entire posture was completely serious.

My heart felt happy just by looking at him, and I unconsciously smiled.

As a result, he noticed my staring, and while his gaze didn’t leave the book, he asked me a question.

Saito: What’s wrong? Is there something on my face?

Yukimura: No, Saito-san’s expression is very earnest/serious.

As a result, Saito-san tilted his head slightly, murmuring quietly.

Saito: So there’s nothing strange. I don’t understand what you’re thinking.

Yukimura: If I’ve upset you, I’m sorry.

Saito: I’m not upset.

Saito-san lightly sighed, adjusting the way he sat slightly.

Yukimura: Saito-san really loves kenjutsu.

Saito: I don’t have any other skills, but I do have some knowledge about kenjutsu/experience.

Yukimura: Ah, a talent/Oh my.

The conversation ended like this, and Saito-san once again began focusing on the manual.

From time to time, there was the sound of pages being turned.

The silence was soothing. I continued sewing the clothes.

A few days later.

I finished washing the clothes, and was about to head back into my room.

Nomura: Spare me, Saito-san. There’s no way we can defeat Saito-san./How could we beat Saito-san!

I saw Saito-san, Souma-kun and Nomura-kun practising with the blunt side of their swords [check jp mtl].

It looked like he was trying to put what he had read in that book a few days ago into practice.

Saito: A little bit more, just a bit more and I’ll have grasped it. One more time.

Souma: But we’re going on patrol next. Regardless of what is said, we can’t neglect our duties as members.

Saito: I’ll finish this as as [you?] obtain a point. There won’t be any problem.

Nomura: To quickly get a single point, what the hell is that! This is terrible.

Souma: But it’s pointless to continue like this…

As of the three of them talked, Nomura noticed me an started speaking with me.

Nomura: Ah, Yukimura-senpai, you’re just in time.

Yukimura: Ah, just in time for what?

Nomura: Why don’t you ask Yukimura-senpai to practise with you, Saito-san?

Saito: Ask Yukimura?

Yukimura: This, that’s not something I can do, there’s no way I can fight Saito-san.

Nomura: That doesn’t matter, we’re about the same [skill] level.

Yukimura: But…

Nomura: We have to go on patrol later, so please help us.

Souma: Nomura, don’t force Yukimura-senpai like this. Yukimura-senpai is also very busy.

Yukimura: ．．．．．．

Fighting against Saito-san will be incredibly difficult.

Yukimura: Saito-san, am I okay [acceptable?]?

Saito: Is that okay? Have you been instructed to do anything?

Yukimura: I’ve already finished with those things. However I don’t know if I’ll be of any use.

Saito: That is more than enough, thank you, Yukimura.

Yukimura: Not at all.

Nomura: The we’ll be going to work, so we’ll leave this to you, Yukimura-senpai!

Souma: Is this really okay, Senpai?

Yukimura: There aren’t a lot of opportunities to learn/This is a good opportunity to learn.

Souma: Then, we’ll be leaving/take our leave.

Yukimura: Okay. See you.

The two of them went directly back into headquarters to prepare for patrol.

Saito: Then, let us begin, Yukimura. Are you ready?

I took a stance a distance away from Saito-san, and held up my kodachi.

Yukimura: Please advise me. [well not sure what the JP equivalent of this is….]

Following the silence, my entire body was filled with a sense of tension [reword later].

After.

At the sound of my foot stepping forward, in a split second, Saito-san was facing me.

Chizuru: !

I hurriedly prepared myself, but he was faster than I was.

Yukimura: Ah!

My kodachi flew in an arc and landed on the ground.

Saito: Ippon.

Yukimura:……

Saito-san’s killing intent left me speechless.

Saito: As expected, knowledge acquired from reading needs to be tested in real combat.

As Saito-san spoke, he picked up my kodachi, which had fallen onto the ground, and handed it back to me.

I received it with trembling hands.

Yukimura: Thank you very much.

Saito-san became stronger again.

Saito: The fact remains that you have also improved, Yukimura.

Yukimura: Is that so……

Saito: Let’s return now. It’s about time to prepare dinner.

Yukimura: Yes!

Afterwards, Saito-san and I helped prepare dinner together.

—-end—

next week’s post is Saito’s 7th Ginsei no Shou chapter!

[alextheia-blog]

stream of consciousness / binge distraction writing / i should be working right now / but my physiological needs arent letting me rest 

for breakfast i had 30g of gluten free oats and frozen berries. i had two coffees with roasted unsweetened almond milk and three cups of water. for a snack i had two bottles of diet pepsi. for lunch i had two rice cakes, four slices of turkey, a golden delicious apple and four mushrooms.  i then had a black tea. 

around 30/40 mins after eating lunch i started to feel dizzy, tired and unwell - i went to the work kitchen and boiled water for vegetable broth. i couldnt help myself, i had four or five mini chocolate wafers (the size of mini squares), and a small chocolate thing from the fridge. together i estimate it to be 300. after that i had my vegetable bouillon which made me feel better because of the salt content, flavor and warmth. i wanted to go into the fridge for cookies and pastries, but i felt too ashamed to because of my coworkers being around. 

i really, really fought the urge to binge - i felt like i would burst if i didn’t go and get the cookie. i still feel a bit lightheaded. i tried to eat an apple but it was a bit old and soft and tasted like nothing so i could only have two bites. i am still fighting the urge but its less intense now. i have a bit of headache and feel restless. i lied down in one of the rooms. i feel guilty because i am not able to focus on work. all i can do is fight the urge to binge. i know if i can keep away from the sugary foods until i finish work i can fight off the urge to binge... i will make myself a healthy and protein-filled dinner to satisfy my hunger when i get home. i know i’ll feel so proud of myself if i don’t have more sugar. this is the first time i’ve been able to fight off a binge when the urge has been this strong... its thanks to being surrounded by other people. if i had been alone, i know i would have caved in. i physically started writing on paper how i was feeling, and that helped. i also watched some videos on youtube of people talking about binge eating / showing what they ate in a day. for some reason watching videos of people showing what they binged is satisfying and makes it more bearable to not binge... it almost feels like you are living through them. i already feel so much better writing right now, it makes me feel so incredibly more calm and it feels like i can’t stop writing, i can’t stop writing or else i’ll feel so restless and need to eat... i feel nauseous and i don’t know why... i think i had too much caffeine today. 

so here is why i feel a very strong urge to binge today

- i slept less than 6 hours

- i haven’t had a lot of protein in the past few days 

- i had a smaller breakfast than usual 

- i’m stressed by work uni and money

- my living area is a mess

im really cold, i feel restless, i cant stop tapping my foot, my head hurts, i am taking in shallow breaths. i wish i had a protein bar on me right now. once my coworker leaves im gonna go back into the kitchen and get something to eat. i still have someone coming in at the end of the day where i have to provide customer service and i need more energy to do that. if i was just going home i could handle it and zombie walk home.. even if i go a bit over 1200 today its ok, it will spike up my metabolism, i just cant give into the binge instinct / mode because i know how terrible i feel afterwards and i always keep telling myself: you always feel better when you are eating healthy, even if you really feel like you need some junkfood/want to give into a binge. it never feels as satisfying as being on a healthy route. i just wish it was 4 hours later and i could be at home eating something healthy and going to bed...