#first off! my exam went well i think! i managed to write everything the essay needed under 20 mins i think!

[caramelmochacrow]

crow hath returned!!!! (i am. so so sos so tired. whole shebang is spoke in thine tags)

[piteouspeculiarity]

Defining Home: Extended Author's Note

Warning: This might contain spoilers for the series

(For clarity, when I say 'Tommy' etc in this post, I'm talking about the characters from my fics, not the content creators themselves.)

So it's done, huh? This note will include the sappy shit, the fun facts, then some of the more serious stuff, because I just didn't want to add an essay to the end of that chapter.

First of all, thank you all for the support along the way. Defining Home is easily my most popular series of fics I’ve ever written and I’ve been writing fanfic for years now. The comments and the kudos and the bookmarks were so very validating when I was new to the fandom, and still are. Hell, people have gifted me fics and written related fics to Defining Home, which blows my tiny mind. I haven’t gotten the chance to read a lot of them yet (procrastination I know thy name), but when I do, I’ll be leaving my best comments in thanks <3

I'll be honest, when I posted the first chapter of Enough, I never expected it to turn into what it did.

That first chapter was written in my phone notes at 3am, hours before an exam. I hadn't interacted with the fandom at all at that point, didn't even have a Tumblr for it, but boy oh boy did I get a warm welcome.

The point is, that first chapter was a very spur in the moment thing, mainly consisting of one scene I couldn't get out of my head (Tommy on a train to Wilbur's). I've gotten a few people telling me since then that they wished that they could write as well as I can, which is a huge compliment, but every person can write a fic like Enough. There are things that we all struggle with when it comes to writing: dialogue, prose, starting scenes - I have my own things I struggle with, things you might have noticed, things you might have not. You don't have to be a perfect writer to tell a story, especially in fandoms, where betas are easy to come across.

Write your story, even if its just for yourself. Posting that chapter gave me the chance to make new friends and I'll never stop being grateful for that.

One of those friends is Kat, who I've mentioned a couple times in the author's notes, but who honestly, I owe a lot to. Kat has encouraged me and been one of the main motivators to write this fic when I felt like it would never be finished, or that I'd never live up to other people's expectations. Sometimes, that meant motivating in some weird ass ways, but hey, it worked.

People who know me in discord servers might know that I'm a simp for Kat and it's damn true. Kat, I love you, you've improved my life more than you know in the last couple months and you deserve so, so much happiness.

In fear of love reciprocation from Kat, we'll move swiftly on to the more fun side of things.

Anyone feel like fun facts? You might already know some of these because I tend to overshare in author's notes, but I'm pretty sure some of them are new to all of you.

Barney the dog? Named after my own late labrador, who I love very much and loved to jump in lakes and need rescuing, time and time again.

I had no plans in moving Tommy in with Techno, hell, I had no plans in Techno moving to England at all. It was as much of a surprise to me as it was to everyone else when he told Tommy the news, but I latched onto the idea and ran with it. I think it worked out okay, in the end.

Techno has a draw in his bedroom full of parenting books, most of which were stolen from Phil.

After Tommy asked for help about what to do with Dream, Wilbur sent Dream a dm telling him he better not fuck anything up and if he did, Wilbur would not hesitate to humiliate him in front of millions of people. It was unnecessary, of course, but Dream was definitely a bit more cautious about what he said when he listened to Tommy’s explanation.

Some of my favourite things about writing Defining Home:

The Tesco v Asda discourse. Look, some of you just need to accept that Asda is the superior shop and get off your Tesco stanning bullshit. /j

The offers I would get for new chapters, some honourable mentions being newborns, siblings, diamonds and kidneys.

Now, I know that as much as I tried to, I won't have managed to include everything that everyone wanted from Defining Home, whether that's certain confrontations or scenes, I am sorry if I haven't included.

I don't imagine myself writing any more in the series, not because I think there isn't more I could write about, but because as a whole it feels complete to me, and any added oneshots I write would disturb that.

Right now Defining Home feels well rounded in a way that I'm proud of. The minute I realised that Enough was going to turn into a series I planned out how I wanted it to work. Maybe its just the maths part of my brain, but I like how there's three fics, with three chapters in each and how Tommy heals as you progress throughout the series.

My aim for the series was for the tone to get lighter as you went through, because yes, things kept happening (confrontation with dad, beach incident etc) but the point was that Tommy dealt with those things in different ways that he would have earlier on in the series. I have lots of thoughts and lots of emotions about how he felt safe enough with his family to experience nightmares and such. I made an effort in The Truth Behind Family to include more fluff, especially in the last two chapters, because I think it’s important to show that yeah, his parents’ abuse effected him, but it didn’t dictate how he lived his life. 

Like yes, I could write about their first Christmas together, for example, and add it onto the series, but I don’t think that I’d be able to do the rest of the series justice in that. Defining Home is largely about what the title implies, Tommy discovering what words like ‘home’ and ‘family’ mean beyond what he’s been told he’s stuck with and I believe that by the end of the series, he’s been successful in that. 

I'm so proud of the characters I wrote, Tommy in particular, for how far they've come in Defining Home, but I think that in a way, it’s time for me to let them go.

That’s not to say I’m done with writing for sbi! Hell no! 

I have a couple long fics in the works and a one shot I’m working on. The main fic I’m excited to focus on now Defining Home is finished is heavy heart, heavy head, heavy hero which, to put it simply, is an sbi royalty au, where unfortunate circumstances mean Tommy is forced to become King. It’s going to be a little more plot focused than Defining Home was and I am so very pumped to give it my full attention instead of leaving that lonely one chapter on AO3 like I have been doing.

I was 🤏close to making a Discord server, but ultimately decided I’m much more suited to causing chaos on other people’s servers than running my own. I think at this point the karma would be too great to even consider making my own server, so if you’d like to talk to me on Discord, keep an eye for me on other people’s servers - I mainly lurk, but I’m pretty active on one or two :D

On a more serious note, Defining Home deals with some heavy topics and I’ve had comments tell me that they relate to Tommy’s situation and wish that they had their own found family to run to. 

This Tumblr post has a list of phone numbers and places you can contact if you need help or want someone to talk to. Saying that, I recognise that a list as long as that can be daunting, so feel free to shoot me a message and I can either help you find the right one for you, or keep you company for a bit if you need it. 

Not all of us are lucky enough to have our own found family, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t forever, or that you’re alone. My dms and ask box are always open if you want someone to talk to.

Keep yourselves safe <3

- Lee 

[ackerfics]

Hiiii is it okay to request something? I just really love your fics 🥺 I saw that you did song fics, so I was thinking Still Into You by Paramore mixed with Thinking of You by Katy Perry since I legit couldn’t get those out of my head. Also I’m having Mikasa brainrot rn, so maybe a fic about exes getting back together? Where reader is like already in a new relationship with Historia, but they still love Mikasa, and the pining is mutual. Thank you so much 🥺

we sang along to the start of forever  — mikasa ackerman

— mikasa ackerman x female reader (modern au)

— warnings: angst but it transitioned into fluff in the end so we’re fine :)))

— summary: you still love each other and like puzzle pieces, the two of you thought about trying out the relationship thing again.

— word count: 4.8k

— author’s notes: i’m so sorry this took so long, we have so many backlogs  but i thought that writing would be a great thing to unwind so here it is !! i also made the reader a girl because as soon i started writing, mikasa with a girlfriend just keeps popping in my brain and i can’t help it sjjkjksjs and thank you so much for requesting !!

reblogs are greatly appreciated !!

< you said move on, where do i go

“Hey, there you are.”

A melodic whisper got you out of your daze from looking at your laptop screen. Exams are around the corner and your professors thought that it was the perfect time to dump more work for you. Tomorrow, you have a deadline coming up for a 2k-word essay about a topic that you could care less about, it wasn’t even under your major. Yet here you are, in one of the study areas of your university, trying to squeeze your brain just so you could reach the word count without caring for the outcome of your essay. But it seems like the gods graced your prayers because a small figure with golden blonde hair appeared in front of you, her blue eyes shining under the lights of the study area.

You started dating Historia Reiss not too long ago, it was probably ranging for three months at most. It was quite rocky at first, with you being out of a long-term relationship and Historia balancing out her time between extracurriculars and academics. The long-term relationship that got you all wound up was with a close friend back in high school and it sucked because you were such a good pair together — maybe fate wasn’t by your side that time. The two of you were immature and young but your time together was golden, having known each other way before asking one another out. You promised each other you’d move on and clearly, you did, your eyes finding your current girlfriend sitting in the neighboring study desk, taking out her stationery and color-coordinated notes.

Historia was a sweet person, always patient and caring when it comes to you. You met during a lecture that you two happened to share. She forgot her Apple pencil and luckily, you still had yours in your bag, lending the gadget to the blonde since you already have your laptop perched in front of you. With small smiles, the two of you gradually became friends, sitting next to each other during that lecture. Those small moments grew and later became study meet-ups in cafés or hanging out in one of the university’s libraries. The best thing that connected you two was your personalities, it matched so well that people sometimes thought you knew each other way longer before college. When you noticed Historia showing some signs that she likes you more than a friend, you couldn’t quite believe it at first. It was Historia being so understanding of you that made you say yes to her dates.

And now, here you are.

“Yup, you found me,” you told her, stretching your arms above your head before smiling at your girlfriend.

“Is that essay for Mr. Smith’s class?” Historia asked, leaning over to your side to get a glimpse of your screen. She patted your shoulder at the number of words you wrote. “Wow, you already got past the 1k mark. That’s amazing! Don’t forget to take breaks, though.”

“Of course, Tori,” you smiled. “You, too. I know your exams start four days from now. How is that holding up?”

Historia opened her readings, sighing at the thought of the dreaded season of the student body. “I don’t know if I can answer anything that well. I mean, we’ve been having study dates every day but I get so nervous just thinking about the exams. I know I’m going to be prepared but my anxiety said ‘no’.” She buried her hands through her hair, eyes softening when your face started showing how worried you are for her. “I’ll just think that this will be over a week from now.” Historia reached a hand out to tuck a stray lock of hair behind your ear. “Hey, why don’t we go to that restaurant just outside of uni for dinner?”

You took her hand in yours, squeezing it affectionately. “I think that’s perfect.”

The two of you proceeded to work on your separate tasks until you both agreed that it’s time for a good dinner. Historia helped you tidy your things up, occasionally smiling softly at you when you yawn. You bid goodbye to some of the students in the study area you know and the two of you went out of the room with joined hands. It was a nice walk around the university, the golden glow of the Sun bathing everything in orange, and making you relax despite the many backlogs still on your to-do list. That was until you saw a familiar figure going out of one of the many buildings of the Business Department. The blonde beside you even recognized the young woman hiding her face behind her scarf, blue eyes darting to you with a worried air.

It also happened that Mikasa Ackerman looked up from adjusting her scarf, her stormy gray eyes meeting with yours by chance.

Her eyes slightly widened at the sight of you, her gaze then dropping to your hands still joined with Historia’s before pursing her lips. Looking up to tangle your eyes again, she rose her hand in a little wave. You reciprocated the gesture weakly, never leaving your stare off her retreating form. You noticed that her shoulders became tense after that little encounter, fists enclosing the straps of her backpack and steps hurrying to get to her apartment that was just a walking distance from the university.

You felt a light squeeze coming from the girl beside you, knocking you out of your reverie.

“Let’s go?” Historia asked, eyes knowingly roaming your face.

“Mm-hmm,” you only hummed, following your girlfriend out of the campus.

You thought there wasn’t anything left but why were you still stuck in a limbo that you couldn’t get out of when you stared into those gray hues haunting your dreams?

< recount the night that i first met your mother

Mikasa had her life figured out. 

Everything was perfect. She has the most amazing people she can call her friends. She has the most supportive parents (and brother, but he can be a little shit sometimes but that’s beside the point). She has the perfect grades that can maintain her standing in the university, earning her great credits from various professors on the campus. She has scored a good apartment with her best friend, Sasha, all equipped with the best rooms and views that she can pay for a reasonable price. She is still a member of the university’s track and field long-distance running team, a regular and a manager at the same time. She also had the most beautiful girl as her lover and confidante, someone she could be herself with (not that her closest friends and brother didn’t see her real personality but being with her lover was a different kind of bliss compared to hanging out with her friends).

Well, had a girlfriend.

Ever since meeting you again earlier that night, suddenly Mikasa’s schedule for the night seems to blur.

It was her turn to cook for dinner but she couldn’t do anything properly. First, she managed to burn her sauteed vegetables, something that she had never done before knowing that this is her favorite go-to dish. Second, she boiled the pasta too long and now they’re too soggy. She nearly threw the pot down the sink but she didn’t want their neighbors to call the cops to their place, she just didn’t want to have a repeat of the first time that happened. (The first time their neighbors called the cops because of them was all Sasha’s fault, it appeared to the brown-haired girl that Mikasa’s cooking is one of the best in the world that she screamed bloody murder in the middle of the night.) Now, the gray-eyed girl had no choice but to start from scratch with the pasta, it was a good thing it was only the pasta though. 

The front door of their apartment opened with a bang while Mikasa tried to concentrate this time. Without looking up, she can see a brown-headed blur dashing towards the kitchen. “Stop right there, Sasha,” she said while stirring the alfredo sauce in the pan. “If you reach for the chicken one more time, I’m going to skin you alive. I don’t have the energy to hold your hungry ass back right now.”

Sasha backed away at the look of her roommate who was ready to commit violence if she steps out of line. “Whoa, who pissed at your day?”

Mikasa blinked, realizing that she might have been unreasonable with her remark. Of course, she wasn’t the only tired one in their apartment right now. Sasha was also struggling with academics and extracurriculars, not to mention, her love life is perfectly stable despite being in a relationship for a year. Not that Mikasa felt slightly jealous but she did everything she could to save their relationship but it still ended on a consensual note. The black-haired girl relaxed her tense posture, sighing deeply to expel the negativity accumulating her mind at the moment (Sasha called them dark forces after Mikasa told her about it, it took everything not to leave the room when the words came out of her friend’s mouth). Turning back on her sauce, Mikasa stated, “I’m sorry, I’m just stressed. You know, with the exams coming up and my track team entering this meet at the end of the month for official records. It’s just,” she sighed, “too much right now.”

“Aw, Mikasa,” Sasha empathized, going around the countertop to wrap her arms around Mikasa. She placed her head against her friend’s, petting the latter’s hair until they became a mess on her head. “I know just the thing to make us feel better. Let’s watch some of those anime movies that Armin recommended while eating dinner. Or anything that you want to watch if you don’t feel like watching anime right now.”

Mikasa smiled a little, resting her head on top of Sasha’s and relishing the comfort her friend gave her. “Thanks, I appreciate it, Sash.”

The moment she shared with Sasha reminded her of when you two were in high school. At that time, Mikasa was one of the star athletes that belonged to the track team. After the rigorous training their coach gave them, Mikasa’s knee started to hurt. This was dismissed by the head coach, saying that this wasn’t serious at all. You witnessed it when she ran more laps than what was written in her training regime to the point that her knee gave out. It was a good thing that her knee only acquired a sprain and a good rest from physical activities for some time will heal it gradually. Mikasa never had anything against it because getting some time off from her club meant that she could spend her free time with you. It was spent staying on her family’s couch, watching movies to pass the time while making small talk about her friends. The reminiscing continued until Sasha helped her prepare the living room for their movie night. She just couldn’t help but associate every little thing with you. You were a great part of her life since middle school.

She missed everything about you.

While the movie played out, her mind went to a time when it was time to introduce Mikasa as your girlfriend to your mother.

It was in the first months of being first-years in university. There was an issued academic break set by the faculties, taking the time to invite Mikasa to your home. You were so excited that that’s all you can talk about while the gray-eyed girl drove you two to your hometown. That was the only thing enjoyable in the entire trip. Everything went into shit when you blurted out that Mikasa has been more than a friend to you ever since high school. The look on your mother’s face was enough for the two of you to tell that this shouldn’t go on as planned.

“So, you’re telling me that Mikasa has been in our home, doing God knows what to you since high school?” Your mother flatly questioned.

The coldness of her tone made you stiffen in your seat. You can see Mikasa from the corner of your eyes trying to calm herself down by rubbing your hand under the table. It couldn’t be helped that your father, the only understanding person in the family, was absent because of his job. This is why your father chose to live separately from your mom, seeing as she was the kind of authoritative parent and wife, always hovering around each of her family members to keep them in line. You now understand why your father left her because God forbid, it was tempting to cut off ties with the person who gave birth to you as she threw degrading words at Mikasa left and right. You furrowed your eyebrows, tightening your hold on your girlfriend’s hand, which was trembling on your lap. The first time you saw her this shaken was when her knee got injured during her track training. Her skin was so pale like that time that you wanted to pull her out of the house and stay at a nearby hotel to get away from your mother’s wrath.

“Mom, please,” you pleaded, tears prickling your eyes.

“No, [Name], don’t you say another word,” she pointedly snapped at you. “I feel like I have become a failure of a mother. I don’t understand why you have a woman as your lover. It’s just not right. I support it but not if it’s with my daughter.”

You abruptly stood up with half-lidded eyes that never strayed from your mother’s similar shaded ones. Your hand still gripped Mikasa’s, your thumb stroking the back of it in a soothing circle that contrasted the indifferent gaze you gave your mother. When you were a child, you understood her sentiments because you’re her only child, the only person left in her life. But when she started badmouthing the little things observed from other people, you started questioning her parenting. You were told that people who love others of the same sex were sinning the word of a divine being but if that’s the case, you’d gladly be condemned to the pits of Hell if it meant protecting Mikasa from your mother’s harsh words. “We’re leaving.”

“What—?” It was Mikasa.

“Come on, Mika. Let’s find some restaurant downtown. This place is becoming stuffy and I don’t want you to suffocate any further.”

“Hey, Mikasa? Are you alright?”

Mikasa jumped, looking around at their apartment’s living room as if she was confused as to why she was there. She slightly shook her head before turning to the concerned brown irises of her roommate. Trying for a convincing smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes, Mikasa forced a laugh as she mindlessly twirled the pasta on her plate with a wistful air surrounding her. “Yeah, I think I’m alright. Just saw my ex earlier when I got out of my last lecture for the day. I feel like that’s the reason why I don’t feel like myself today.”

The movie was then forgotten when Sasha positioned her body so that she could give Mikasa her undivided attention. With a serious expression that the gray-eyed young woman didn’t see in a long time, Sasha asked, “That gorgeous beauty?”

A nod was all Mikasa could answer. Gorgeous was an understatement when it comes to imagining you. You’re practically the most beautiful girl Mikasa saw in her lifetime. 

“Damn, it’s been what? Half a year since you guys broke up?”

A nod from Mikasa. She wrapped her arms around her knees, pushing them further into her chest, feeling so small at the moment. “It would have been fine if she’s alone but…”

Sasha’s mouth parted with realization; eyes wide as she stared at her roommate. “Oh,” she breathed. 

Scooting closer to the gray-eyed girl, Sasha wrapped an arm around her shoulder to let the former lean against her side. She always viewed the two of you to be endgame, seeing as you were dating since you were in high school. It sucks that no matter how much the two of you proved that you belong to one another, it just ends inevitably. Sasha even liked you when Mikasa introduced you to her new roommate when you were first-years. You were shining in the brown-eyed girl’s eyes; smile so bright that she couldn’t help but think you’re pretty, hair perfectly mussed by the wind during the ride to the apartment, casual clothing fitting you in the most pleasing way possible, and personality that one could describe as amazing. You even gave her some of your food when the three of you ate out together. (Mikasa always scolded you for giving away your food when you’re barely even eating regularly.) And when you guys broke up, Sasha saw how Mikasa ended up at the lowest point of her life, locking up inside her room and only going out when Sasha’s asleep. It was only recently that Mikasa slowly became herself again.

Now, Mikasa became that closed-off version of herself after the break-up, and Sasha instantly pulled her in for a hug.

The television kept playing the movie they chose to watch, Mikasa’s silent sobs blending with the movie’s dialogue and seeping through the night.

< she kissed my lips, i taste your mouth

You nearly pulled away when you tasted lemon instead of strawberry.

You nearly looked away when you saw azure instead of metallic gray after the kiss.

You felt so bad for thinking of midnight tresses instead of spun gold every time you lay in bed after hours of studying. Guilt bloomed in your whole torso like a giant wad of roses prickling your insides with their thorns, images of Mikasa plaguing your mind a week after you saw her again after six months. And every time you close your eyes to let sleep pull you in their embrace, arms so secure would wrap around your middle in your dreams, the smell of a rose-scented soap enveloping you in a warm cocoon. It was so contrasting to the minty scent you tried so hard to get used to in those three months you were together with Historia. You promised yourself you’d never date someone else after Mikasa but you tried because she told you to find someone who will treat you better than her. As much as you pleaded with your rationality to not follow her advice, Historia was a breath of fresh air.

It was a rainy night the time you and Mikasa broke up. Funny how you always love the rain and yet the one moment tormenting your daydreams occurred in a thunderstorm.

“Mikasa, what are you talking about?”

Your favorite-colored irises couldn’t meet your stare. “I said you deserve to be with someone who can make you glow with happiness.”

“Where is this coming from?”

She only shook her head, short black hair moving along with the movement. “I feel like I’m not giving enough in this relationship. I noticed how happier you look when you hang out with your friends from your department but when you’re with me, you’re mellowed down and so drained that I’m starting to feel like I’ve done something wrong.” Mikasa buried her hands in her hair, elbows placed on her knees, making herself feel smaller in front of you. You stood up from your bed to kneel in front of her, covering her cheeks tenderly with the palms of your hands. Yet she continued, “My mind is telling me these thoughts that I denied a long time ago since we started university.”

“What thoughts, Mika?”

“That our spark had died down for good.”

You searched her face for any sign of a joke but you could only stare at her downturned eyes.

“That I think we should break up for you to be happier with other people.”

“No,” you murmured, tears starting to blur your vision. “Mikasa.”

“I love you so much to see you unhappy with me.”

“I’m never unhappy when I’m with you. Where did you get that idea?”

Mikasa smiled despite her wobbly lips, gingerly placing her lips on your forehead. “I love you, [Name], I hope you’ll find someone bright enough to let you shine even more.”

It hurts just thinking about that but something pinched it even more when you stared at Historia in front of you, Facetiming someone on her phone. You two were celebrating the end of your exams in a café, treats covering the expanse of your table. It was a breather from all the stressful weeks draining your energy and now you feel refreshed. The book you recently bought was snug in your hands, eyes skimming over the words as Historia animatedly talked to her friend, Ymir. Hearing her laugh at something the freckled girl said, you couldn’t help but look up from a paragraph you were engrossed in. Historia looks so happy, cheeks flushed and giggles so clear that she couldn’t even contain them with her small hand. She never looked like this with you and as much as you anticipated the pain brought by the sight, it didn’t come.

Now, you understood what Mikasa felt, only this time you had to let Historia go because she already belonged to someone else.

Historia just said goodbye to her friend and you knew you had to hold on to this chance.

“Hey, Historia, I have a question.”

She sipped her iced tea. “Shoot.”

“You like Ymir, don’t you?”

The silence and flustered reaction that followed was all it took for you to smile.

< no more mistakes ‘cause in your eyes i'd like to stay

Getting out of a four-hour lecture was bliss to Mikasa. She stretched her arms over her head, letting out a deep breath of relief at the thought of spending her weekend without any backlogs. Finally, she can relax without feeling guilty. After all that hell her department professors gave her, she deserved this break.

Mikasa walked down the hallways with a slight spring in her steps, feeling her phone vibrate with a text message in her bag. Stopping by a little bit at the side of the hallway, Mikasa opened the outer compartment of her bag and turned on her phone. A smile instantly overtook her confused expression.

armin

hey, wanna watch a movie tonite?

eren suggested we could unwind after the exams

figured you needed it

you can stay the night here too !!

Her fingers typed out a reply almost giddily.

Sure.

Let me just text Sasha that I won’t be sleeping in the apartment tonight.

Another message from Armin appeared.

armin

yey !! see you later, Mikasa

At this point, her smile couldn’t be erased on her face.

See you later, Armin.

Then, another message from Armin popped out that made Mikasa laugh a little.

armin

this is eren

mikasa, can u bring dinner PLS

armin and i are too lazy to cook 

plus, you love us 🥺🥺🥺

The gray-eyed girl rolled her eyes, typing out a ‘fine’ before closing her phone. Her brother was sometimes too hard to handle but he can be sweet as well and saying that he needs dinner is just a way for him to say that he misses Mikasa’s cooking. When she looked up, a very familiar blonde and one of Mikasa’s classmates in a general subject came into view in one of the gazebos. Confusion was an understatement while she continued staring at Historia and Ymir laughing as if they were the only ones in the world. It was only a few weeks ago that she saw the blonde girl holding hands with you after a whole day of lectures. Maybe it was because she was staring too long at the couple that Ymir turned in her direction. As the freckled girl recognized the black-haired, stoic girl in one of their general classes, Ymir rose a hand in the air as a greeting. It also didn’t help that Historia looked at where Ymir was waving, with Mikasa tensing at the attention. She hastily waved back before turning in the direction of her car in the parking lot.

Several theories flickered through Mikasa’s head as she pulled out of the parking lot, the department store in their part of the city as her destination. Her mind was still a questioning mess the whole time she roamed the vegetable aisle until she bumped into another shopping cart, the clang of the metal breaking her trance.

“I’m sorry,” she told the person holding the other cart without looking up from her groceries.

“It’s fine.”

Mikasa quickly lifted her head at your voice. She probably looked like an idiot gawking at you in the middle of an aisle. You were dressed in an aquamarine shirt tucked in a pair of black slacks; your hair slung over one of your shoulders but for her, you looked so pretty. She concluded that you also got back from one of your lectures since your bag was placed inside the shopping cart, leaning beside a carton of strawberry milk. At the sight of the beverage, Mikasa’s chest pounded with her loud heartbeat, all the memories of you saying you like the taste of strawberries because of her entering her mind. Even after a full minute of you staring at each other, Mikasa couldn’t bear to look away. You’re so beautiful and she misses you so much.

“I miss you, too, Mikasa,” you murmured with flushed cheeks. “And you look good as usual.”

Mikasa’s face burned with embarrassment, reaching her ears, as she realized that she said her thoughts out loud. She was acting like she was in high school when she came to terms with her feelings for you. “U-Uhm, how are y-you?” Fucking hell, what is she stuttering for? It’s not like she got a below-passing score on one of her majors.

You softly smiled, tucking a stray lock of her behind your ear. “I’m doing fine. I was just thinking of making some homemade dinner tonight.” 

Mikasa nodded, recalling that you got a single apartment. “Me, too, but Eren asked me to make dinner for our movie night with Armin.”

At the mention of the two men, your face brightened. “How are they?”

The gray-eyed young woman reciprocated your smile. “Armin is still reeling Eren from doing anything stupid. You know how that dingbat is.” Your laugh made her day better. She faintly noticed that the two of you started walking side by side, pushing your carts to who knows what section of the department store. “The last time I saw them was before the exam week and we were studying so we didn’t do any catching up. Speaking of exams, how are yours?”

You hummed. “I think I got a passing grade on Parasitology and Microbiology. Those were the only subjects keeping me up for how many nights in a row.” You chuckled at your caffeinated state the previous weeks. “But the others were all papers so I guess I’m fine as of now.”

“Don’t tell me you got yourself palpitations from all the coffee.”

“You know me so well, Mika,” you laughed. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to order coffee every time I go out this time. I don’t want a repeat of that night when I studied for Para. It was worse because I don’t have a roommate. How is Sasha doing, by the way? Still a ball of sunshine, I hope.” You spotted a cereal box you wanted to try so you mindlessly reached out for it but it was on the top shelf. Mikasa noticed your struggles, stopping behind you after chuckling to herself at how adorable you looked to reach the cereal box. You visibly tensed when you felt her front brush against your back, the box of cereal greeting your vision with Mikasa’s hand brushing on yours. “Thank you,” you whispered.

“You’re welcome,” she answered, patting your head before taking her cart and pushing it in the direction of the dairy section. “Yeah, Sasha is still as rowdy as the day you last visited. I threatened her again when she tried eating what I was plating for dinner. It was not a lovely night.” Mikasa paused, looking behind her when you’re not following close. She slightly panicked when she saw you looking down and gripping on the handle of the shopping cart. “[Name]? Are you okay?”

“Mikasa, I’m still into you.” You faced her with a smile. “Will you let me love you with all my heart again?”

Mikasa was speechless, her throat clogging up with overflowing emotions. She let out a delighted light, looking at you with eyes full of love.

“Yes. Will you let me in your heart again, [Name]?”

“Always, Mika.”

Their song of forever played once again and it felt so right that they wondered why they stopped it in the first place.

[punkchestnuts]

the product of immense work, part 2, chapter 1

Leon doesn’t understand her. After that moment in the pantry, he thought he won’t need the stupid plan of his. He thought that it was a sign that Hilal was finally softening up to him, and maybe, just maybe, they could be friends. But after that day, she went back to her cold hardy self, avoiding him and keeping it ‘professional’.

She also makes sure to make herself busy. She’d annotate readings, transcribe interviews, revising papers, and doing other tasks she can help with.

It didn’t help that Leon had his own workload to complete. Classes were picking up, and since he’s one of those teachers who give essay questions during exams and tests, he’s been reading and annotating as well.

He finally gets to have his plan in motion though. Since he knows that some of the faculty gives Hilal some tasks of their own, he decides to give her a few himself. He manages to get her email address from Carrie and writes to her that he needs help in photocopying a reading material for his students.

He asks for fifteen copies then waits an hour and tells her he actually needs ten more. He tells her a few minutes later than he needed fifteen more.

She walks into the faculty room and walks to his cubicle with purpose. Her expression was tense, but he could only think how cute she looks angry.

“Can I just confirm that you need forty copies in total?” she asks, raising her brow as if to challenge him to change the number.

“Yes, forty copies,” he says with a smile. “Also, after that, if you’re not doing anything important, can I ask you to return these books in the library?” He produces a short stack of books from the corner of his desk. “Today’s the due date and I don’t have the time to do it since I’ve got back-to-back classes later.”

She crosses her arms and looks at him suspiciously but takes the books anyway.

“Forty copies,” she says in finality.

“Forty copies.”

She leaves in a huff, her head scarf flowing behind her.

He smiles at the prospect of having her go to the library only to find out he only borrowed those books yesterday. Too bad he won’t be able to see her face when she comes back to the office.

It’s evil, he knows, but he really wants to see how this plays out.

This goes on for a few days. He makes her do these menial tasks like preparing a presentation for him, borrowing books from the library, scanning documents, and even getting her to proctor for an exam.

She takes all these with no complaints despite freely showing him her displeasure in whatever this is. Also, despite everything, she completes the tasks in high quality.

He’s surprised one day when she’s the one who approaches him first. He’s checking some papers in his cubicle when she knocks softly on one of the wall panels.

“Hilal?” he greets, taking his reading glasses off. He’s almost afraid she’s there to reprimand him for the tasks he’s been giving her. He recently made her look through the administrative files for Kalde’s older syllabi from the previous years. (“All of the old syllabi?” she asked through gritted teeth. “Yes, if that isn’t too much.”)

“It’s not my place,” she starts. “But I noticed something and I just had to point it out.”

“Sure, what is it?” Leon asks, already pulling a chair for her. She doesn’t even notice the chair, but she does place a few papers on his desk. It’s the syllabi he’s asking for.

“There’s a part in every syllabus that discusses historiographies all over the world,” she says, pointing towards each section in the syllabus containing the reading material and expected learning outcomes. “There’s a discussion here on Islamic historiography,” she continues. “And as you can see, Professor Kalde has been using one source consistently through the years.”

Leon reads the citation and frowns. “It’s pretty outdated, isn’t it?”

“Very,” Hilal agrees firmly. “I’ve come across this source before and it’s already been debunked. There has been better resources and introduction materials for Islamic historiographies and I don’t know if it’s a deliberate choice to include this here, or if it’s just a product of lazy research, but it’s bad either way.” She huffs as Leon studies the material again.

“That’s epistemically violent,” she says, crossing her arms.

He looks up from the material and smiles. “Brunner, Alcoff, or Garbe?”

“All three plus Galvan-Alvarez,” she says it as if it should be an obvious fact. “Since you’re revising his syllabus anyway, I thought to point this out.”

“Why? Because I’m a Greek cisgendered male and therefore you don’t trust me to give justice to your people?” he teases, leaning against his chair.

She frowns at him, her big blue eyes starting to stare him down. “I’m not playing any cards here.”

He lets it go. “I would have noticed it, just so you know,” he says. “You might say that we deal with outdated sources in philosophy, but I’m mindful of the fact that this is a historiography course. And this,” he points to Kalde’s syllabus. “Is epistemically violent, to use that same term, to the Islam community.”

She seems to relax at that.

“Thanks for pointing it out anyway, Hilal,” he says. “But I do admit, what I know of Islamic theory of history and philosophy is limited. And since you’re well-versed in this, I’d appreciate it if you could send me a list of sources I can read through.”

“Because you’re a white cisgendered male who specializes in Greek and Classical philosophy,” she continues.

Leon doesn’t even try to argue, but he does smile. “Unfortunately, yes. And that is why I’m humbly asking you to help this oppressor know better.”

She rolls her eyes and smiles. “I already have a list,” she says. “I’ll email them to you. Let me know if you have any trouble finding copies, and I’ll gladly lend mine to you.”

“So kind, Hilal.”

Hilal rolls her eyes again and gathers the syllabi copies. “Do you still need these or should I continue doing whatever it is you’re making me do?”

Leon shrugs. “I’ll just take the most recent syllabus and you can return the rest.”

She takes a deep breath, shuffles through the papers she has and slams the requested document on his table. “Alright then, glad to be of help.”

He watches her walk out of the cubicle, loving the familiar sight of her head scarf catching up with her angry gait.

Someone pokes their head out from one of the adjacent wall panels. He looks up to see his coworker, Lucy, an English woman who specialized in feminist history and gender studies. She also loves to assist (see: interfere) in his non-existent love life as if he didn’t get enough of that from his mother. She was also their department chair, and the reason why he was taking on Kalde’s classes for the next semester in the first place.

“Hello?” he greets.

“You know, you create this weird energy whenever you two are at it like that.” She places her arms on top of the panel and leans her chin against them.

“I don’t understand the majority of what you just said,” he says.

“Do you really want me to explain it to you?” she asks, smiling teasingly.

“Stop it, Luce. You’re reading into it too much, maybe you should stop consulting your crystals for a moment.“

She rolls her eyes but walks into his cubicle instead. “Leonidas,” she says it the same way a mother is ready to begin lecturing a child. She leans against his desk and smiles with her teeth. “I’m not reading into it too much, my dear.  It just so happens that you’re just easy to read. And Hilal too. Everyone’s noticed how you two act together, and it’s both cute and frustrating at the same time.”

“And how exactly do we act together?”

She smiles even wider. “Like children, really.”

He blinks and she laughs at his expression. “Like I said, it’s cute but it’s frustrating. It’s literally like watching children you know who like each other but they don’t know it themselves.”

“’Like each other’? Lucy, she barely tolerates me. And we’re…friends?”

She sighs fondly. “So cute, but so frustrating. I would love to spell it out for you, darling but you’re smarter than that.” She pats his cheek and has the audacity to squeeze. He swats her hand away.

“When will you stop doing that?”

“Don’t forget, dear, I’ve literally seen you as the fresh grad that you were. You’re always a child in my eyes.”

She ruffles his hair and walks back to her own space.

Leon can only huff in frustration before turning back to his own work.

He receives a notification from his phone and sees that Hilal has already sent him the list. He clicks at it immediately.

Professor,

Attached to this email is the list containing, in my opinion, the best resources for the Islamic historiography portion. As I have said earlier, please let me know if you have any difficulty finding copies.

Regards, Hilal

Why does she write to him like this? It’s frustrating but he can’t help but smile.

…

[seacottons]

— uni with atz pt. two

notes: swearing, fluff, mildly suggestive dialogue. tags: @latte-fairytaekwoon

seonghwa — [ early edu. + developmental psych. ]

extremely organized in all aspects of his life

your bookshelf at home consists of books on developmental studies in children.

if he isn't in class or volunteering, he's either cuddling with you or reading.

stressed 24/7.

takes very pretty and neat notes.

randomly spits out facts throughout the day.

sometimes, you join him during his volunteer hours at various daycares and schools.

is all the children's favorite teacher.

extremely patient and soft-spoken when it comes to working with even the most difficult child.

also loves being called 'teacher hwa'.

"i don't know, if i were you, i would make the students call me king san."

"they'll probably end up bullying you," seonghwa replies back.

you don't know how he has the patience for the amount of children he has to take care of.

takes you picture-book shopping with him for his students.

finds himself singing nursery rhymes while cooking or cleaning.

has polaroids of you two stuck on the fridge.

brings lint rollers to work.

gets worked up in public if a parent seems too neglectful in any way.

"y/n!" he tugs at your elbow and points with his jaw to the right, "look! his kid is just spilled all that paint on the floor, and he didn't even bat an eyelash!?"

"don't intervene again, please."

"okay, but-"

the whining of metal and steel cut him off, and the two of you jump in fright at the sound of a shelf falling apart.

"some people really shouldn't have kids."

whines when he comes back home that the paint stain and glitter just won't come off his clothes no matter how many times he rubs the spots with warm water.

or how he has mulch stuck in his socks and shoes from taking the kids outdoors to play.

you somehow always end up finding a googly eye or specks of glitter under the couch.

sometimes brings home finger-paintings with numerous colorful hearts and two stick figures in the middle.

"today's assignment was to paint what makes you happy."

you also help him stitch up little felt and cotton dolls for the kids to keep.

often gets sick from working with children.

and passes it onto you by accident.

you know he's had a bad day when you ask him how it went, and his face scrunches up in pain.

stormed into your shared apartment one day and made a beeline to the bathroom.

forty minutes later, he comes out, towel wrapped around his hips, face and chest flushed, and explains that a child accidentally peed on him.

gets flustered when you laugh at his demise.

sometimes uses his teacher voice when scolding you or your mutual friends.

and you all end up teasing him more anyway.

"do you use that tone in bed too, hwa?" yeosang asks one day. mingi and yunho splutter out in disbelief, followed by loud laughter.

you choked on your bite of cake at the sudden remark.

"what did i ever do to deserve this slander," seonghwa grumbles whilst patting your back.

he often stays up late making lesson plans for both his classes and ones to implement at work as well.

takes full advantage of his teacher's discount at shops and restaurants.

sometimes brags about it to his friends to get under their skin.

"you have it easy. just watching kids and getting free food," san says one day in the middle of their game of jenga.

"it's not easy at all," you hear seonghwa reprimand the younger, and laughter rings out from the other four guests.

"you're learning about children! what's so hard-"

you had a hunch that seonghwa purposely tilted the wooden tower to tumble over an unsuspecting san.

"y/n! your boyfriend is trying to murder me!"

seonghwa paces in circles around your apartment whilst studying for an upcoming exam.

asks you to quiz him on certain materials.

"correct! okay, can you define the preoperational stag-"

"how many kids do you want to have in the future?"

"..what?"

"kids. how many do you want to have with me?" he presses further, eyes trained on your face rather intently.

"can't this conversation wait until you finish studying?"

"no. i'm too curious," he licks at his chapped lips and leans in to poke your forehead, "i need to know. this is important information. please."

yeosang — [ biology pre-med ]

met you through your mutual friend, wooyoung, who invited him to live in your shared dorm.

"you didn't tell me you have a dog?" yeosang turns to wooyoung, brow quirked up whilst pointing to the 'beware of dog' sign on one of the bedroom doors.

"oh, i don't. i just put that up to mess with y/n," wooyoung dismissively explained while making a sandwich.

is the reason why you and wooyoung haven't killed each other yet.

asked you out after five months of moving with you and wooyoung.

designated one of the kitchen's shelves as a medical supply closet.

"because wooyoung always ends up hurting himself without doing anything."

"i do not."

stress is his middle name.

constantly contemplates his life decisions.

"wooyoung! shut up! i can't finish my essay with you blabbering every damn second!"

you had to get used to the sight of a full sized anatomical skeleton in his room.

"okay, but i'm not letting you fuck me with that thing in here."

later that night, wooyoung's heart nearly burst in his chest from fright.

"yeosang! why the fuck is your skeleton in my room!?"

some nights, during dinner, yeosang slams his obnoxiously large textbooks onto the table, and insists for the two of you to quiet down while he skims over the pages a few times.

"can't you just enjoy your meal for five-"

"no. now hush."

not only does he have labs, presentations, and essays to worry about, but he also got accepted for a pre-med internship at a local hospital.

hardly goes out anymore during his free time.

most dates include cuddling on the couch or baking something in the kitchen.

stays up late at night to complete assignments.

towers of thick books decorate his nightstand.

"no, yeosang. i really don't want to see you dissecting a cat," you grimace, turning quickly and shielding your eyes from his phone.

"why not?" yeosang whines softly, hand tugging the hem of your shirt with a frown, "it's not that bad, i promise-"

he's cut off when wooyoung snatches the phone from him with a loud cry, "gross! y/n, you're letting him touch you after he touched that?! and fuck- what is that smell?"

"that's formaldehyde. now give me back my phone before i dissect you next."

you join him at the lab when he has extra work piled up.

"you look so cute with a white coat and goggles."

you prod and poke him repeatedly, asking him numerous questions about the specimens in the lab.

"y/n! don't touch that!"

one day, wooyoung comes home sick.

you insist on taking him to see a doctor, only for him to emit a haughty laugh at you.

"why would i waste my time and money when i have yeosang here?"

"but woo, he didn't even get into med-school yet-"

wooyoung insists he doesn't need to see a professional, "yeosang is practically our live-in doctor! why do you think i begged him to move in?"

you roll your eyes, calling for yeosang to persuade the younger male.

"alright, tell me your symptoms," your boyfriend sighs, plopping down onto the couch beside you and wrapping an arm around your shoulders.

after wooyoung explains everything and takes his own temperature, he peers at yeosang for an answer, "well?"

"you're dying," yeosang nods simply.

wooyoung's visage pales, and he scrambles to sit up on the couch with a disturbed expression.

"what?"

yeosang is always studying.

always.

studying.

you insist for him to take a break sometimes.

"i can't. i have lab tomorrow. oh, and a paper."

"but you always say that!"

you attempt to tug him out of his seat.

"come on! just for an hour, and we'll be back. promise."

he's always reluctant at first, but finds himself agreeing later anyway.

enjoys the small dates at the nearby lake probably more than you do.

mingi — [ accounting ]

a gifted genius when it comes to numbers.

is your very own math tutor.

jokingly asks you to pay him back.

he accepts kisses and hugs. baked pastries are also a bonus.

"y/n? are you okay?" a hand waves in front of your face.

you blink at him wordlessly, mind fogged from the bombardment of information you just received, "sorry- you lost me. can you repeat the process again?"

he playfully smacks your shoulder with the ruler and stomps his bare feet onto the tiled floor, "this is the third time!"

"i'm sorry! you know how i am with math!"

he begs you to take classes with him as electives.

"sorry, baby. i love you, but there's no way i'll ever take statistics."

"okay, what about economics?"

"no."

"management? business administration!?"

"no and no."

"but y/n! it'll be fun! you'll be with me!"

always whines about how much he hates having to take 'stupid management classes' and the group projects that come along with them.

"they never take the assignments seriously!"

said group visits your apartment to work on projects with mingi.

"aren't you supposed to be working on that project?"

you watch as mingi and his friends suddenly erupt in an explosive argument about the game they were currently playing.

"yeosang! what the fuck!?"

"it's y/n's fault mingi was distracted!"

you let out an indignant squawk and glare at yeosang.

"that round didn't count."

"stop being a sore loser, san!"

"so.. i take it you didn't even start?" you grimace, peering over to the untouched books and papers on the coffee table.

"it's just management class. no big deal," san explains quickly with a dismissive wave of his hand before nudging your boyfriend with a glare, "you better not make us lose this time, or i'll kidnap y/n."

stays up late to finish other work that's due.

loves to wear big spectacles when studying.

it 'helps him focus'.

writes notes on his calculator and slides it towards you while you're both home studying.

'n-3^07-!'

"mingi, what is that?"

"read it upside down, you bum."

has a coffee mug with 'i love π' in big, bold, red letters.

refuses to throw it away even though the rim is chipped.

always bugs you about how you should have a budget plan.

insists on teaching you how to make spreadsheets on excel.

"i can't do this, mingi. too much numbers give me a headache."

"do you want my lucky glasses?"

rambles on about things related to his field, and you can only nod in confusion every time.

"how does your brain keep up with all of this?"

"easy. just be one with the numbers."

"that was a bad pun.."

"you're supposed to laugh!"

mingi was that typical student who complained about studying, but is always the one acing everything with the highest score.

"i should just quit university and become a stripper."

"you say that every exam week, and yet, you always pass with the highest grades," you mumble from the other side of the couch, absentmindedly highlighting a few sentences in your book.

"yeah, but studying is a pain in the ass," he exhaled with a loud groan, head thrown back against the back of the couch, "why me, y/n?"

you roll your eyes while reaching over to pat the side of his face in comfort.

"everything will work out just fine."

later that week, he joyfully bounces into your apartment with a large grin plastered on his face, "guess what?"

you snort in amusement.

"let me take a wild guess. you aced your exam."

"and guess who has the highest score?" he tugged you forward by your cheeks with a bright grin.

"yeosang?" the cheery expression on his features suddenly vanished, causing you to laugh, "i'm kidding."

likes to study while attached to your side, wearing comfortable pajamas and warm socks.

sulks whenever his stock investments drop further than he expects.

and is always in a good mood whenever the prices spike back up.

always has a horrible math pun up his sleeve.

sends you accounting memes and becomes a gloomy mess when you don't laugh or understand the joke.

"what if i propose to you with a math problem? and we have pie instead of cake?"

"please don't bring math into our love life."

yunho — [ broadcasting journalism ]

roommates with you, hongjoong, and jongho.

is called 'newspaper boy' by hongjoong.

is well-known around campus for being one of the student journalists for the university's newspaper.

you have the very first published paper, with his full name printed on the front, framed in the hallway of your dorm.

has the prettiest hands.

and longest fingers you've ever seen.

can put them to good use.

especially when typing out essays. they're practically blurred from how swift he is.

likes to ramble about current international events to jongho early in the morning. the latter pretends to understand, giving the other false hope.

jongho always sends you a pleading look to save you from your lover.

always carries a notebook.

article deadlines = stressed yunho.

complains that his friends are 'uncultured'.

helps you with your essays.

if he has enough time, he'll actually re-write it for you.

"was it really that bad?"

"it's okay, baby. you're good at other things."

"how come you don't re-write my papers?" jongho huffs from across the living room.

"you're not y/n."

interviews you and your other roommates for his projects.

you smile from behind him as he zooms in obnoxiously close to hongjoong's disgruntled expression.

"he zoomed in on my nose again, didn't he?" the blue haired male asks you.

"sorry, but that tomato sauce stain is really distracting me."

hongjoong nearly drops his fork.

"what stain!?" he furiously rubs his face with the back of his hand, "see! i told you that you always interview us at the most inconvenient time!"

is constantly writing.

can be very unorganized.

"who took my ap stylebook!?"

"can you stop shouting? it's 6 a.m., yunho!" hongjoong growls from his bedroom.

mingi and seonghwa often visit your dorm because they're usually partnered with yunho for an assignment.

it somehow always winds up with mingi and yunho fooling around, whilst seonghwa struggles to persuade them to help him with the work.

sometimes, you tag along to help film his public social experiment projects.

is a social-bug, so people are instantly drawn to him.

likes to cuddle with you while watching the films for his assignments.

you think most of them are pretty boring, but being in his lap and tucked against his chest makes up for it.

you like to add glittery stickers onto his video camera and tripod.

is very much infatuated with you, so he doesn't mind one bit.

applied for a paid broadcasting radio station/tv internship over the summer and was quickly accepted.

asks you to help him style his hair for his first day at work.

"but it's just a radio station. no one's going to see you?" jongho questions with a perplexed expression.

"i still need to look presentable!"

and later that day you quickly hush the two males beside you once the clock strikes 2 p.m.

"quiet! yunho should be on any second now!"

"i was just breathing?" hongjoong whispers weakly.

over dinner, jongho often mimics yunho's reporting voice.

"y/n, do i really sound like that?" yunho pouts as you and hongjoong burst into fits of laughter.

"aw, don't be sad. i love your reporter voice, baby."

will wake everyone up early the next morning by yelling at the top of his lungs with his reporter voice just to get back at you three for laughing at him.

[the-black-birb]

Hi! New follower here but I love your writing, for the prompt list I would love your take on 29/30 with Kuroo! 💕💕 ty !

A/N: Thank you for requesting! I got a little carried away with this and it got really drawn out, hope you enjoy!! I could see myself writing this as a fully-fleshed out story, tell me if you’re interested :)

also for @thenerdyrebel i said I'd make it up to you with Kuroo fluff huhuhuhu

Pairing: Kuroo Tetsurou x Reader

Genre: Fluff

Summary: Kuroo needs a girlfriend for a week. You’re set on making him regret asking you for a favor.

Your relationship with Kuroo was anything but serious. That was a given, considering the two of you were only dating because Yaku dared Kuroo. It was simple, really.

“I bet you can’t get a girlfriend for a full week,” he prompted, knowing Kuroo’s busy schedule between volleyball and college exams. That mixed with his awful personality and he was lucky if a girl stuck around for a conversation.

Still, Kuroo couldn’t say no to a bet, and he had just the person in mind.

“[Y/N],” he approached you one day during lunch, expression screaming mischief. You looked at him doubtfully.

“What are you planning on involving me in today, Tetsurou?” you weren’t unfamiliar with his scheming nature. Three years in the same class made the two of you more than just acquaintances, and you’d been known to do each other favors in times of need.

“Remember that time you stayed up late watching anime so I wrote your essay for you so you could sleep the next day?” he smirked at you. You nodded. “And remember how you said you owed me big time?”

You sighed. “What?”

“Yaku said I couldn’t have a girlfriend for a week,” he says bluntly. You look at him confused.

“You want me to find some poor girl that wants to date you? Hun, that’s impossible,” you dismissed, ignoring the pounding in your chest.

“No, no. That’s too risky. I want you to date me,” he grinned, looking at you like this was a fantastic idea. You fought down the heat rising to your cheeks. Date me? You thought to yourself. Date me? He wants to date me?

“Well, fake date.” Oh. The disappointment sunk in. That makes more sense.

You shook your head. It was no surprise Kuroo didn’t want to date you, but you could still get something out of this. “Buy me noodles every weekend for a lunch,” you replied, gaze unwavering.

Kuroo sighed. That was a lot. “Two weeks?”

You shook your head. “Three.”

“You’re on.”

The two of you shook on it, and you were officially “dating.”

Kuroo wasn’t getting off the hook that easily, though. If you were going to be his girlfriend, you were going to be the most obnoxious girlfriend he’d ever had. You were going to make everyone question why he would ever want to date you.

At first, you were very subtle about it. You did everything you thought a good girlfriend should do, like make him lunch and wear his team jacket. To confirm the whole thing, you made sure Yaku was watching you.

Unfortunately, you were a horrible cook and a bit of a slob.

“This is inedible,” Kuroo groaned as soon as Yaku left the room. You smiled at him deviously.

“You don’t want to eat your girlfriend’s homemade cooking,” you faked a pout. He smacked the back of your head.

“We both know you can’t cook [F/N],” he reminded you, taking out the lunch that he prepared from home. Unlike you, Kuroo had some skills in the kitchen.  You were about to leave to buy lunch (because obviously you weren’t going to make yours) when he placed a second container in front of you.

Oh.

“You think I’m letting my girlfriend eat some shitty school lunch when I know she can’t cook?” Was he blushing?

You wanted to laugh at him, really, but he was being too sweet. Instead, you sat down with him and prepared to eat. Still, you couldn’t resist…

“Aww, did your mommy make it for you?” He kicked you under the table. You just laughed.

You continued to be a “good” girlfriend, shouting at him in the hallways and clinging to his arm to make it difficult for him to walk. You tried to keep your antics to a minimum; after all you couldn’t let him catch on too early.

Good girlfriends even visited their boyfriend’s volleyball practice, you determined. So you thought you should surprise them! And as your surprise you accidentally opened the clubroom while the boys were changing… you tried to help set up equipment and somehow balls were all rolling out of the gym… truly you were a disaster. Finally, Kuroo approached you.

“Don’t help with clean up,” he set stubbornly. You looked up at him with big, round eyes feigning innocence.

“Why not? You guys don’t have a manager to handle things so it’s the least I can do,” you smiled at him. He hugged through his nose.

“Nope. Don’t want my girlfriend staying up late for me. Go home and get some rest,” he demanded, walking away from you.

“You won’t even walk me home,” you whined, hoping you could get a few more hours out of fun with him. Kuroo turned to you, eyes stern.

“No.”

You didn’t argue with that.

Still, your antics continued for the next few days. You showed up to school late, you’d wear your uniform wrong, you’d talk loudly during class, whatever you could do to be obnoxious. People would be absolutely appalled that the captain of Nekoma’s renowned volleyball team was dating you.

As usual, you went to Nekoma’s practice. Today, you were holding tightly to Kuroo’s hand (“Yaku has some doubts,” he told you that morning. “We’ve got to amp it up.”). You walked into the gym and sat on the sideline, already banned from touching equipment. Truly, you didn’t mind this. The team greeted you as they entered, and you pulled out a notebook to get started on your homework.

Occasionally, you’d grab water for the team but you were so tired from being a nuisance during the day, you really didn’t have energy to interrupt practice. And, although you’d never say this if anyone asked, you got to wear Kuroo’s team jacket and watch him play. He looked so into it, he was having so much fun. You wondered how it felt.

Although previous practices you’d either been removed by Kuroo or chosen to leave when the sunset, tonight you had lost track of time. Before you knew it, the moon was high and the boys were starting to clean up.

“Hey.” Kuroo walked up to you. “You’re still here?”

You pretended you didn’t feel the heat rising to your cheeks when he noticed. You looked to your notes, as if the answer to this situation would be there. “Whoops!” you stuttered with a nervous laugh. “I guess I got distracted watching…I’ll just…go… now…” You hastily stood with your bag, getting ready to leave. The quicker you got home, the less risk there was of someone lurking in the dark.

“Wait a few minutes,” Kuroo said absentmindedly, putting away volleyballs. “I’ll walk you home.”

You wondered if he knew what his words did to your poor heart.

Patiently, you waited by the door watching as he and his team cleaned up the gym. Finally, he grabbed his bag and ushered you out the door with him.

Out of habit, his hand reached to grab yours as the two of you walked. You thought about teasing him, wondering if he needed a thumb to suck, too. But the quiet hum of crickets and the calm sky told you this wasn’t the right time.

Your hand stayed firmly in his the whole walk home.

The next day, you were back to your usual antics. Today you had a magnificent plan. You had eaten an omelet for breakfast this morning, but asked your mother to put extra onion and garlic in it. When you got to school, you made sure everyone knew.

“Hhhhhello darling,” you smiled at Kuroo. He looked like he was about to vomit.

“Did you eat a dumpster? Your breath stinks,” he wafted a hand over his face, trying to dismiss the smell. You smiled sweetly.

“Aww don’t be like that. I just hhhad some garlic. You hhhave got to try omelets with garlic, they are just delicious. Especially hhhomemade,” you trailed on, making sure to drag out all of your h’s so Kuroo got the full effect.

“Wow, look at that. Class is starting,” he turned forward in his seat, discreetly shoving a few mints your way.

To make matters worse, Lev had finally caught wind of your relationship. “You’re dating the captain?” he asked you during lunch (you stopped by to tutor occasionally). You grinned up at the first-year, ready to put your plan in place.

“Yes, he’s really dreamy.” Lev made a face that said he disagreed and it took all your willpower not to laugh. “But he hasn’t kissed me yet. I wonder if I did something wrong…”

As if on cue, Kuroo walked into the first-year classroom, lunchbox in hand. “Oh [F/N], there you are. You wanna eat?” he held up his second meal, looking at you expectantly. You turned to Lev bidding goodbye, but he had other plans.

“Captain, how can you not kiss your girlfriend?” he asked, confused look on his face. “You’re so lucky to have such a pretty girl and you won’t even treat her right…”

Kuroo glared at you, handing you the lunchbox swiftly.

“If you’re not careful, someone might steal her,” Lev teased, but the look on his face was mischievous. You wanted to laugh. He’ll only care if they steal me in the next few days, you thought.

Kuroo opened his mouth to retort but was cut off by the bell. Instead, he smirked in a way that sent chills up your smile. “See you at practice, Lev,” he threatened.

His grip on your hand as you walked back to class was tighter than usual. He looked down at you curiously, trying to figure out what you were planning. “You think I’d kiss someone whose mouth smells like cat shit?” he quips as you walk in class.

Seeing there’s no Yaku around you give your honest reply. “Don’t worry, Tetsurou, I know you wouldn’t kiss me if my mouth smelled like flowers and fairy shit,” you retorted, getting out your schoolwork. “I just want to have a little fun,” you winked.

Too busy getting ready for class, you didn’t hear his quiet protest to your statement.

Class continued as usual. You sat quietly through the day, head occasionally falling. Kuroo stifled a laugh, you looked bored to death. He wondered how much you slept last night.

Partway through English, a note slipped onto his desk. In messy handwriting is said "how much money would you give me to flip this table right here, right now, in the middle of class?" It took willpower not to start laughing right there. He scribbled back quickly "I'll add one more weekend of noodles " and passed the note back to you. He saw you smirk when you read it, and write a hurried reply.

Before the note got back to him, you were on the floor, gripping your thigh in pain, and your desk was on the ground.

Kuroo tried to ignore the fact that from this position everyone could see your striped underwear. Instead he was worried about the incredible look of pain on your face and the curse words stringing from your mouth.

After a moment, you sat up, arm still rubbing your thigh but in a far less incriminating position.

"Sorry," you said sheepishly. "Leg cramp."

The teacher opened their mouth, clearly about to give you a scolding, but Kuroo was one step ahead. He slipped the note, which he still had yet to read, into his bag, and stood up to help clean up the mess you made. He pulled you up to stand, hand gripping your arm to support you.

"I'll bring her to the nurse," he assured the teacher, rushing out of the room.

As soon as you go to the hallway, the two of you burst into laughter. "You're crazy," he assure you. "Absolutely insane."

You smiled at him brightly. "You're just jealous you didn't have the balls to do it yourself," you retorted, tripping over yourself with laughter. "You hate English, anyways."

Kuroo shook his head. "Sure but I wouldn't flash the whole class to get out of it," he said through a fit of giggles. "You're wild [F/N]."

You shrugged. "So where do you want to go now?" You inquired, wandering the halls. Kuroo looked perplexed.

"Well we're not going to the nurse's office and I doubt he's expecting us to go back to class," you smiled at Kuroo. "We've got an hour until practice. Where would you like to go?"

Kuroo felt his heart skip a beat. He didn't know what to say.

You smiled at him, and he wanted to be the only person who got to see you look like that. "I know, come with me." You grabbed his hand and started walking.

He wasn't sure how long the two of you walked for. Five minutes? Ten? Usually, silence with you was deafening. You were always trying to crack a joke or make noise. But this was comfortable. He was comfortable. Finally, the two of you arrived at a park close to Nekoma. It wasn't anything special, really, but it felt private. Like the whole world was put on pause for the two of you.

You sat on the swing, mindlessly rocking back and forth. You were staring at the ground.

"So when all of this is over," you still weren't looking at him. "Do we fake a huge breakup? I mean, the whole school knows at this point." You grinned at him. "Wouldn't want them to think you're stuck with me much longer, would you?"

Kuroo smirked. Whatever you could dish out, he could serve back. "What?" He teased. "Afraid if you stick around much longer you'll fall for me for real?"

Your laughter was music to his ears. He leaned against the swingset, watching you move back and forth slowly. "I would never," you teased back. "I'm far too sophisticated for the likes of you," you assured him, swinging back and forth.

"Right," he nodded. "Polka dot panties scream sophistication. Were they pink, too?"

Your ears turned bright red. “They were striped and blue and I didn’t expect you to look!” you retorted (although the last part was a lie, you were fairly certain everyone in the class was looking)

“Hmm,” Kuroo purred. “They were? I think I’ll have to check…” he walked towards you on the swing, hands out in front of him. You were quick to jump off and run from him, but he chased after you nonetheless.

The two of you ran around the park playfully, going up ladders and down slides and Kuroo pretended to grab at you (if he truly wanted to, you were sure he’d be able to catch up to you). Although you had always been the clumsy one out of the two of you, Kuroo had his moments as well. Soon, he was tripping over his own two feet and bring you down with him.

Somehow, you ended on the ground laughing, Kuroo’s form hovering over yours. It was close, closest you’ve been with someone since you were a little kid on a playground. But the way his arms wrapped around your waist, keeping you from truly falling, and the warmth radiating from his body and his huge grin… it was worth it.

Eventually, the two of you calmed down and Kuroo stood, offering you a hand. You accepted quietly. “Back to school?” you suggested. He still had practice. Nodding in agreement, the two of you walked hand in hand back to Nekoma.

When you got to school, there was something noticeably different about the air between the two of you. Although you continued your banter, something had eased the tension. No one on Nekoma’s team was sure what exactly it was, but their captain seemed far more relaxed than he had for months.

During break, Lev walked up to you. “[L/N], has he still not kissed you?” he whispered like it was your little secret. You froze, discreetly reaching for your mints. You hoped Yaku didn’t hear him.

You thought back to the park. He hadn’t kissed you, but somehow it felt more personal than a kiss. “Don’t worry about it, Lev,” you assured him with a friendly smile. “Besides, I think you have bigger things to worry about…” Yaku was walking your way, surely to retrieve the tall first-year.

Kuroo watched the two of you talk and walked over to you. “Is he making you uncomfortable?” he asked defensively. You realized how close he was standing to you and suddenly were awfully glad you grabbed that mint.

“Nope!” you assured. “Why? Jealous?” you grinned, expecting nothing to come of it. Kuroo had to get back to practice anyways.

Instead, he swept down and planted a firm kiss on your cheek. “Just a bit,” he whispered in your ear, before turning around and heading back to practice. The warmth of his breath on your ear and his lips against your cheek lingered. For a moment, you wished this week would never end.

But practice had to end, and Kuroo walked you home like normal. It wasn’t until he was back at his own home, finishing homework, that he remembered the note placed on his desk. He went into his bag to find it and uncrumpled it to see your note, his, and then below it in familiar handwriting… 

Are you asking me on a date? I accept

He groaned, throwing the note across the room and covering his face with his hands. Warmth pooled in his chest as he remembered the feeling of his hand in yours and the way you laughed running across the playground… he never wanted it to end.

Although he tossed and turned in bed kept up with thoughts of you and of tomorrow being the last day you’d be ‘fake-dating,’ he eventually fell into a dreamless slumber. After all, the only dreams he had were when he was together with you.

The next morning, you were late for school. Not late like you were later than usual, or you barely got to class, but that you walked in, interrupting the whole class. You were visibly disheveled, and dishing out apology after apology. The teacher took you into the hallway.

It was hard to make out what they were saying, but it was clear you were getting a stern talking-to. Eventually, you made it back into the classroom, awkwardly sitting in your seat and trying to avoid the noisy eyes of your classmates.

You weren’t exactly a class clown, but you were definitely someone who caught everyone’s attention. After spending the whole week drawing eyes to yourself, he wondered why now you decided to hide from it. You had nothing to hide from, he thought.

At lunchtime, he approached you like normal, with an extra lunch in hand. “So, detention?” he asked. You nodded solemnly. “Again?” It had been a while, but for a bit, you were a serial-detention-attendee. It was never really your fault, you were just late and busy and school never really clicked with you. Three years of having class together and Kuroo noticed it, too.

But you’d worked hard to improve your record, and it had been months since your last detention. Still, the slip weighed down on your desk like a metal anchor, dragging you down. You sighed defeatedly.

“Stupid me. I just had to walk my siblings to school… make sure they had lunch money… next time I just won’t show up,” you muttered to yourself. Kuroo furrowed his eyebrows. You weren’t usually one to get down, even when you had rough patches.

“C’mon it’s just some time after school. You’ll be fine,” he guaranteed you, brushing off your concerns. You nodded, smiling weakly.

“Yeah. You’re right,” you mumbled, eating your food dejectedly.

You weren’t very talkative for the rest of lunch.

Kuroo racked his mind, trying to figure out what he could do to make you feel better. He thought about offering you some noodles, but he did enough of that. A card? No, too cheesy… 

Before he knew it, it was the end of the day and you were cleaning up the classroom before heading off to your dreaded detention. Kuroo stayed back to help, figuring it was the least he could do.

You’d been strangely quiet all day and Kuroo hadn’t been sure what to do. Finally, when the two of you finished up, he thought it easiest to dismiss himself. The silence between you was deafening.

“I’ll just… see you Monday then…” he trailed off, heading to leave the classroom. It was only the two of you in there.

“Wait,” you called after him. He stopped immediately, turning to face you. Your head was to your chest, staring at your shoes, and your hand awkwardly scratched the back of your head. You spoke quietly, but he listened closely to make out your words. “Could you… I know you don’t have volleyball today but could you maybe… could you wait for me?” You breathed in deeply.

“I can’t let my mom find out I got detention, she’s been so happy lately and if she finds out she’ll… she’ll…” Tears threatened to pour from your eyes. Kuroo didn’t say much, but he could see the stress weighing down on your shoulders.

“C’ mere,” he motioned. You moved towards him slightly, and when you were within arms reach, he tugged at your wrists to pull you into a warm embrace. “It’s okay,” he whispered to you. One arm circled around your waist to secure yourself to him, while the other drew circles soothingly into your back. “You’re going to be okay,” he promised. When he spoke, you actually started to believe it.

You wrapped your arms around him and nuzzled your head into his neck, sobbing quietly. “It’ll be alright,” he promised, kissing your forehead. For a while, the world stopped and you just relished in the comfort of being completely honest and safe in his arms.

Eventually, Kuroo pulled away but kept his forehead pressed to yours. “Hey,” he whispered.

“I got your shirt all wet,” you apologize through tears. His hand moved to wipe at your cheek and he smiled.

“No worries, I looked better without it anyway,” he teased. You laughed tiredly. “I’ll wait for you, and then we can walk home together. We’ll tell your mother we went out on a date, okay?” He owed you at least four.

You nodded, too tired to argue, and wiped away the tears on your cheeks. “Right. I’ll see you at the gate?” Kuroo smiled at you.

“I’ll be waiting.”

True to his word, he was there when you got out of attention. You were started to look more like yourself again, with color in your cheeks and light in your eyes. Still, there was something sad about your demeanor.

You didn’t greet him, and he didn’t greet you, but the two of you fell into step with one another without question. You were simply meant to be side by side at that moment.

“So… the week is up,” you reminded him with a sad smile. Kuroo felt a weight rest on your shoulders. You were right… a week had passed and there was really no reason for the two of you to “date” any longer. But… 

“What do you want to do?” he asked you. You were the one who was in a tough spot, and he didn’t want to take advantage of your vulnerability. He just wanted to see you happy.

You breathed in sharply. You seemed nervous for some reason, and Kuroo prayed silently that he hadn’t been putting pressure on you. “I’ve been thinking actually. About that day at the park.” You turned to face him. He stopped, giving you time to speak.

“I have a confession. Don’t laugh at me?” you asked anxiously. Kuroo grinned at you.

“I’ll always laugh at you,” he promised and you punched his arm playfully. “All right, all right! No laughter from me, not a peep.” He hoped his face didn’t look too hopeful.

“I know I said I wouldn’t, but I think I fell for you for real. Like, really, totally badly,” you admitted, eyes tracing the ground. “And I get that you did this as a joke, and I’m sure you asked me because I’m the one person who you’d never end up dating but I wanted to be honest with you.” Kuroo felt the weight of the world lift off his shoulders. You looked cute rambling. “And you don’t even have to respond! Or walk me home! We can stage a breakup, or just tell everyone it didn’t work out or-”

There was something warm against your lips.

Kuroo’s lips were against your lips. He pulled away, stupid grin still clear on his soft, cherry-flavored lips.

“Why would I break up with someone I’m head over heels for?”

[winryofresembool]

Things We Lost in the Fire, ch 27

aka Caleo uni au

Fic summary: Calypso starts studying at a new university, but to her annoyance her new flatmate is a loud mouthed mechanic who also likes to sneak his dog in whenever. But as she learns to know him better, she realizes they might have more in common than what she first thought. Eventually, even the darkest secrets come out…

Chapter summary: The exam season is underway (yet somehow I don’t mention the exams all too many times...)

A/N: Yay, I'm back with this fic!! I think I can promise a bit more regular updates at least in the near future, but I will be starting to work longer hours possibly starting from next week so I will have a bit less free time then. I am still determined to keep up with my 500ish words per day goal so it should cause too much delay!

That's that, I hope you guys are as happy to return to this universe as I am! As usual, please let me know what you think :) This fic is about to take my longest fic position from Love Can Melt the Ice, so knowing that there are people who care about it really means a lot to me!

Words: 2393

Genre: romance & hurt/comfort

Warnings: none

previous chapter / AO3

Leo would have been lying if he had claimed that everything went back to completely normal after the talk with Calypso. Sure, they both really tried harder to act as neutral and friendly as possible around each other; whenever they were at home at the same time, they chatted casually about how things were going at work and at the university, their latest TV show or music discoveries, or some silly thing one of their friends had said or done recently. Sometimes they even watched something together or cleaned the common area together. However, the earlier confessions were never mentioned. On the surface things were ‘just fine’, but the unspoken words and lingering looks spoke for itself. Leo knew things were still heating up under the surface and sooner or later they would have to make some difficult decisions. But until then, he wasn’t going to risk anything by disrespecting the guidelines that they had set during their ‘big talk’, even if it was hard to resist sometimes.

One evening Leo found Calypso studying for her upcoming exams on the common area couch. She was wearing a pink, tunic length sweater that matched her lip color, and black leggings that hugged her legs tightly (not that he’d ever tell her that he had noticed such things). She had also pulled her now medium length hair into a messy ponytail so it wouldn’t bother her while she was reading, showing her nicely shaped facial features better. Despite noticing all that, Leo’s thoughts soon went to the facts that he had recently learned about his flatmate. Now he knew more about the hardships she had gone through; a dead sister, an abusive, controlling father, being alone all those years and the nightmares she had mentioned while drunk. Yet, somehow there she was, having escaped her father’s grip and looking perfectly content doing something as boring and normal as studying for exams. The girl was way stronger than he had earlier given her credit for, and Leo admired her capability to stay so calm; he wasn’t so sure the ghosts of his own past would leave him alone that easily.

“Hi,” he finally said before Calypso noticed that he’d been standing there just watching her far too long despite the rules they had set. “What are you reading?”

Calypso showed him the book. If she was surprised to see him, she hid it well. “A collage of Frenchmen’s experiences at the front lines during World War II. I know. A very cheerful way to finish the day.” She grimaced.

“Huh? I thought you were mostly focusing on older history? I didn’t know you study that stuff too,” Leo noted, shifting from one foot to another.

“Well, they do require us to have a good enough understanding of the newer events as well,” Calypso replied, now looking at him directly. For some reason that one look managed to make chills go down Leo’s spine. “It is true, though, that I am more interested in ancient history. There’s so much we still don’t know about those times and I want to be able to discover more.”

“I see,” Leo said. “I think I understand what you mean. I am constantly hoping to discover new ways to create things that will be useful for all of us. Flying dragons that use energy drinks as their energy source? How epic would that be?” Excitement surged through him when he simply thought about it.

“Isn’t that a bit out there?” Calypso asked, but Leo didn’t miss the amused glint in her eyes. “And what if everyone had flying dragons and that would cause horrible air accidents? I don’t know about you but to me they don’t sound very safe.”

“Sunshine, what’s life without some danger?” Leo questioned.

“Hmm, let me think: safe?” Calypso retorted.

“Ouch. Well, I don’t think I have time to invent flying dragons any time soon, so you don’t have to worry about that,” Leo reassured her, but now that the idea had been planted into his head, he decided to return to it some day in the future. Hopefully when he would be able to handle fire.

“That’s a relief,” Calypso replied. “Speaking of your inventions… have you decided what you’re going to do about your studies? The last time I asked you said you haven’t been in contact with your professor yet.”

That was a question Leo had been dreading for. He preferred to not talk about that topic unless he had to, but the truth was that he was still quite unsure about being able to continue. However, he hadn’t made any final decisions yet.

“I’ll… I’ll keep working to overcome my fear,” he responded vaguely. “I think I’ve made some small progress during our sessions. If I can keep that going, I may be able to retake the test next year. Small steps, you know.” In reality, so far he had managed to stay close to a small, burning candle for a short period of time without freaking out, but he still didn’t want to try the matches whenever Calypso suggested it. There was still a long way to go before he’d be able to use all the machines he needed during lab classes and at work.

“Okay,” Calypso said, but to Leo she sounded a bit unconvinced. Her voice got more reassuring, though, when she added: “You know that you can ask for my help any time you need it.”

“Yeah, thanks.” Leo nodded. “And same right back at you. I mean, you can ask me. If you need anything.” For some annoying reason he managed to only get stuttering out of his mouth at that moment. “Even if you simply want me to make you a miniature dragon in the middle of the night. It’s fine. I’d totally make it.”

“And why would I want you to make me a miniature dragon in the middle of the night?” Calypso looked at him questioningly. Before Leo managed to answer, her face softened into a smile and she added: “I really appreciate the thought, though. It feels so different… in a good way… to have people in my life who genuinely support me. I haven’t had that, well, since I got separated from my mom.”

She sat a bit straighter on the couch, her gaze going back and front between Leo and her book, and Leo wondered if she was debating if she should reach for him and touch his shoulder or something. Maybe even hug. One side of him wished she would just go for it. But that would have violated their newly made rules and neither wanted to make things even more complicated than they already were. They simply kept staring at each other for a while, as if trying to read each other’s thoughts, but finally Calypso sighed and turned her focus back on her book, closing it.

“I didn’t realize it’s already this late…” She said, adjusting her hair a bit with the hand that wasn’t holding the book. “I still need to finish an assignment for tomorrow.”

She stood up and started walking towards her room, but when she got past Leo, her arm briefly touched his. Leo’s arm was still tingling after Calypso closed the door behind her.

…

A few days later, Leo was still thinking of that incident when he almost fell over a big rock that was standing on his road. He and Jason were currently having a well deserved evening off after finishing their last exams of the semester earlier that day (Leo felt like he had at least succeeded with the calculations but his essay writing was a bit sloppy) and in honor of that they had decided to go for a long jog and after that have a big, unhealthy meal in one of their favorite pizza places. While they were on their way there, Jason had been explaining something about his holiday plans when Leo had zoned out, and Jason had to grab his arm so he didn’t fall.

“Hey, man, you OK?” Jason asked, frowning. “What just happened there?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m OK.” Leo brushed some dust off the sleeves of his coat. “I was just… thinking. And didn’t notice the rock on the road.”

“Hmmm, what got you that thoughtful?” Jason inquired. “I bet you didn’t even hear what I just said.”

“You know I have a pretty nasty case of ADHD, sometimes I just zone out randomly,” Leo said defensively, not wanting to admit aloud that recently he had been even more distracted than usual because of a certain flatmate of his. “And no, I didn’t hear you.”

“Alright,” Jason shrugged. “I was telling you that Piper’s dad has invited us to visit him over the break. I’m not sure yet if we are going, though. Piper didn’t seem very enthusiastic about it. Sure, she wants to see him, but she suspects he’s still working most of the time so it would be the same to just call instead of traveling all the way to LA.”

“Mmmh,” Leo mumbled, trying hard to stay in the present moment. “I’m going to be at Waystation during the break so if you guys decide to stay, we can still hang out.”

“Okay, I’ll let you know what we decide to do. That wasn’t all, though…” Jason continued, his face becoming concerned. “I think Piper has seemed quite distant lately, and not just when we’ve been talking about that trip. Sometimes I worry that she’s gotten bored of me, or something.”

“No way, man!” Leo exclaimed. “I’ve seen you guys together often enough to know that she loves you. Maybe she’s just going through a rough phase or something.”

Jason didn’t seem quite convinced. “I guess so. It’s just that usually she tells me directly what’s bothering her. This… keeping things inside her isn’t like her.”

“Maybe you just need to give her some time,” Leo suggested. “It’s like me with Cal; I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut more often and in exchange she has slowly started opening up to me more recently.”

“She has? That’s great!” Jason cheered up. “How is it going with you two anyway? I heard some things about the Halloween party aftermath…”

“Nothing happened after the party!” Leo yelped, raising his hands. “Whatever Piper has told you, all lies.”

“Really? So you two wouldn’t have kissed if Piper hadn’t interrupted you guys?” Jason raised his eyebrow.

If Leo’s cheeks hadn’t already been red from the jogging, he certainly would have blushed. “Um… well… the point is that we didn’t. Besides, we’ve set some rules that we’re supposed to follow because we don’t wanna make our co living too complicated.”

“So there is something going on between you two and you are acknowledging it,” Jason teased. “You wouldn’t need to set any rules otherwise.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Leo muttered. “If you must know, we did admit that we like each other after the party.”

“But that’s great!” Jason exclaimed.

“It feels pretty crazy,” Leo replied. “Sometimes I wonder why she likes me, but maybe the Bad Boy Supreme’s magic is stronger than I thought.”

Jason snorted at his comment. “I don’t know Calypso as well as you do but I doubt it’s the so-called Bad Boy Supreme side that she cares about. You pretend to be all cool and try to seem like you don’t care about what’s happening around you but I think you do that only because you care too much. Maybe Calypso has noticed that as well.”

“Dude, you’ve been hanging out with Piper too much.” Leo shook his head. “That’s something she would say. ” “Well, she’s not wrong. Anyway, what happened after the big confession?”Jason asked curiously.

“We’re not together if that’s what you’re asking, ” Leo denied immediately. “I just mentioned the rules, remember? We wouldn’t need them if we had decided to go down that road.” “Ouch… but why? Why didn’t you just decide to do it?” Jason wanted to know.

“For some stupid, noble reasons,” Leo grunted. “I’m not gonna go into the details because it’s up to her to talk about it, but long story short, she thinks it’s safer that way. I think she’s afraid of hurting one of us.”

“And do you think she’s right?” Jason inquired.

“I… No! I’ve told her I can handle it. But I’m not gonna push it - believe me, Jo and Emmie have given me long lectures about respecting women’s boundaries. If Cal and I wanna keep living together, I have to let it be.”

“Yeah, I can see your point.” Jason nodded.

“Besides…” Leo added after a moment, his face falling as he thought about his past. “Bad things tend to follow me. Who is to say that I wouldn’t be the one getting her into trouble?”

“Why do you think that?”

“Because when have I ever been successful with anything I’ve done?” Leo asked in return.

Jason seemed to finally understand what event Leo was really referring to. “You’re still beating yourself for things that happened years ago?”

“Why do you think I’m not capable of going to some of the lab classes? Because I simply think that skipping is fun and I don’t care whether I pass it or not?” There had been a time when Leo hadn’t cared about his school success, but back in those days he hadn’t cared about much else either. Now that he had dreams and things to live for, he hated the idea that anyone would think he’d throw it all away just because he could. His new family deserved better than that for what they had done for him.

“No, no, I was not thinking that! You just never talk about it so I assumed… whatever.” Jason didn’t want to make Leo even angrier so he decided it was better to change the topic. “Maybe we should talk about something else. I still hope that you and Cal will work it out eventually.”

“Yeah. I hope so too. Same for you and Piper.” The friends had gotten close to their destination, so Leo exclaimed quickly: “Hey, I’m smelling the pizza now! Whoever is last at the door pays!”

“That’s a bad deal because you know I’m faster than you. I train every day!” Jason pointed out but soon sprinted after him.

[tamakiamajikistentacles]

Breathe For Me {Hitoshi Shinsou}

A/N: Please be sure to reblog, comment, review, and like if you enjoy! Feedback is what keeps me motivated! So sorry it took me so long to get this out to you all, especially with how short it is but thank you so much for your patience. September had a lot of unexpected things come up but here’s hoping we don’t have any more surprises!

From the moment the call went out on her radio that one of the heroes on the scene was down, a weight settled uncomfortably in her chest. It grew heavier as the attack that had put them out was described and when they finally said a name she was sure it had squeezed all of the air from her lungs.

“I’m closest, I’ll get to him,” she radioed back, moving through debris despite hesitant protests crackling back at her from colleagues and heroes alike.

She ignored all of them, pressing forward as she tried to breathe. She had to breathe.

She couldn’t understand how teachers in a renowned hero high school could pile so much work onto first years, and general studies at that. Two essays and four exams in one week had taken so much out of her and it was only Thursday. Honestly she wasn’t sure how she was going to get through Friday and surely a pop quiz or two. Just thinking about what else her class would need to do was enough to have her stressed to the point where her neck and shoulders ached from tension.

Her bag hung heavy in her hand as she made her way through the halls of UA towards her locker. It wasn’t until she was double-checking her notes to ensure she had everything she needed for her homework that she realized her English textbook was still on her desk.

Letting out a heavy sigh she trekked back to her classroom and grabbed the book, tucking it into her bag and retracing her steps back to her locker for her coat. She froze mid-step on the stairway though as a bright bolt of lightning flashed beyond the darkened window to her left.

It felt like her entire being was crashing down as a loud crack of thunder followed the flash and she slumped down onto the stairs, face buried in her hands as hot tears began to pool in her eyes at the realization that she didn’t have her umbrella.

Looking back on that moment later she was aware how trivial it seemed to be crying over not having an umbrella, especially when her coat was a windbreaker with a hood that was more than fine for the quick walk to and from the train station on her way home, but it was simply the final push over the edge after a week of compounding stress.

The tears flowed faster the longer she sat there, her sobs growing louder as they bounced off of the walls of the stairwell as her shoulders shook. Her chest heaved with each wild breath she tried to catch until her lungs wouldn’t take anything in, her throat constricting as her skin heated in panic.

If she couldn’t handle a little unexpected rain how was she supposed to keep her head when she was a first responder? If she couldn’t balance first year high school work how could she expect herself to save someone in need? If she—

“Hey, you need some help?”

She looked up with wide, wet eyes to meet concerned purple ones.

“It’s a panic attack, we can get you through this, okay?”

Blinking rapidly and feeling her cheeks flush even more with slight embarrassment, she nodded and garbled out some variation of the world ‘yes.’

A small smile crossed his lips and an emotion she didn’t recognize flashed in his eyes, but she focused instead on his hands gently taking hers.

“Breathe for me,” he said softly.

For the next few moments he guided her through breathing, his hands raising hers slowly as they took matching breaths for so many counts and lowering as they blew them out. With each breath she could almost feel the blooming spores of anxiety wither inside of her lungs.

When she had calmed down, he let his hands fall from hers and scooted back on the step they both shared.

He smiled. “Feel better?”

“Yeah… thank you,” she murmured, pulling her sleeve down to wipe at the mostly dry tears on her cheeks. “Thank you for helping.”

“Oh, you’re welcome. My panic attacks get pretty bad too,” he admitted sheepishly, “so I know how much they suck. I’m happy I could help.”

They sat in an easy silence with only the pattern of rain beyond the window pane audible. Then she turned and introduced herself quietly, grinning as she did the same.

“Well Shinsou, I’ve got a train to catch to get home but I hope you know how much you helped.”

“What kinda hero course student would I be if I didn’t?” he joked, standing to walk her to her locker.

She remembered laughing and making small talk about their respective classes as she gathered her coat and they set out together to the train station, learning that he was a second-year transfer from general studies to the hero course and that he lived not too far from her.

It was the start of something beautiful that first time he made such a request for her breath.

He requested it again many times throughout that year as she felt the overload from schoolwork and when she felt she wasn’t giving him her all as a girlfriend once they got to that point in their relationship.

He said it in a soft coo each time he came back from a work study battered and bruised but alive.

He huffed it through tearful laughter as she sobbed that now that he’d graduated from UA she wouldn’t see him as often and followed it with a promise to talk to her every day.

He murmured it against her lips as he kissed her just after surprising her with the question of moving in with him upon her own graduation ceremony’s conclusion.

He whispered it into her hair after she cried happy tears following a choked “yes” when he presented her with a ring for her left hand and a simple question.

Each time she would comply. When he asked so sincerely, she would always breathe for him.

The memories played on a loop in her mind as her feet carried her around piles of rubble and through clouds of dust and smoke until she could see a battered body in the charred remains of an office flower garden a few meters ahead. The sight of pale skin against the rust-colored mulch sent chills down her spine as she grew closer until she was able to drop to her knees beside him.

Dark bruises had blossomed during the length of time he’d been in the thick of the villain attack but the inflamed color on his chest served as evidence of the hit described over the comm. His hero suit was torn off completely from the waist up and his support items were nowhere to be found.

She laid shaking fingers against his neck to search for his pulse and her heart jumped into her throat when she couldn’t find it. Her other hand hovered over his parted lips and she couldn’t feel breath from either his mouth or his nose and her panic skyrocketed.

“No,” she murmured, her hands dropped to his chest, “no, no, no, no, no.”

Pure, ice-cold fear gripped her chest and made it nearly impossible for her to take in a breath but she sucked in as much air as she could as she threw down her medical bag. There was no time to freeze, no time to fight for air in her own lungs when Shinsou needed it more.

Making sure he was in the best position she let her training take over and started chest compressions. Tears welled in her eyes as that ridiculous old British song played on a loop on her head to help her keep the rhythm steady. When she would lean down to breath for him his lips were warm just like always but it wasn’t the same when they weren’t pressing back.

His handsome face was smudged with dirt and maybe blood but she didn’t care, the now-falling tears leaving clean streaks down his cheeks as if he himself were the one crying.

The sight broke her and pitchy, gasping sobs came from her as she continued trying to revive him, her compressions frantic and probably too rough, sure to leave even more bruises on his smooth skin.

She wanted to bargain with whatever higher power would listen and be benevolent enough to bring him back but she knew in her heart that it wouldn’t help her. This was her job and she would do it—he would breathe again because of her. He had to.

Through her tears and the sobs wracking her body she could only manage three words, echoing the soft order that served as their first meeting—"Breathe for me!"

Long moments stretched on as she continued chest compressions and giving him every panicked breath she could, the phrase chanted like the prayer it was. Until finally, with a choked gasp, violet eyes opened and sucked in a long-awaited breath.

A/N: Please be sure to reblog, comment, review, and like if you enjoy! Feedback is what keeps me motivated! This was actually surprisingly difficult for me to write but I’m happy its finally finished!

[authenticcadence18]

Can’t Help Falling in Love Ch. 1

so uhhhhhhhhhhh.......i’m writing a Phinabella fic 😬

AO3

...

Phineas and Isabella are assigned the same song for their final project in their music appreciation class, and they have to work together to deliver a presentation based on it. They've been collaborating on projects together for their entire lives, so it should be easy, right?

Well. There's just one teeeeeeeeny problem. Their song is a love song.

This is a problem for Isabella because, despite her best efforts, she hasn't been able to let go of her feelings for Phineas.

And this is a problem for Phineas because he can barely be around Isabella without blushing and thinking about how wonderful she is.

Alas....the show must go on.

...

(story below the cut! also this fic is canon divergent and takes place a few months before “Act Your Age” would have. so...yeah!) 

Wise men say, only fools rush in.

But I can’t help falling in love with you.

...

“Alright, class!!! As you know, summer is fast approaching...and for some of you, it will be your last summer before moving on to the next chapters of your lives! To finish off the year, I thought I’d make your final project fun! ...you know, before we go into ‘state-mandated final exam preparation’ mode.”

Ms. Chase--Danville High’s resident teacher of all things musical--looked around the classroom at her students, most of whom didn’t look too convinced at said final project being “fun” at all.

“You’re all going to be given a song to deliver a performance of! This performance can be live or recorded, and you can make a visual interpretation of the song if you’d rather not sing or play in front of the class. The most important part of the project is that you demonstrate an understanding of the meaning of the piece you are assigned.

“And also, there’s a short essay involved.”

The entire class groaned at that.

“Hey now, I’m just following orders from upper management!” Ms. Chase insisted. “And besides! You won’t have to write the essays by yourself, you’ll all have a partner to help you!

“....oh, did I fail to mention that this is a group project? Because THIS IS A GROUP PROJECT!!!”

This elicited another groan from the students.

“Oh come on! You get to pick your partners!”

She gestured to two buckets on either side of the classroom.

“Well….sort of. There are 24 of you, and each bucket contains twelve songs. I’ll divide you in half, everyone will pick a song, and then you’ll go around the classroom to find who has the same song as you. They’ll be your partner!!”

A student raised her hand.

“Yes, Adyson?”

“No offense, Ms. Chase, but isn’t this entire process unnecessarily complicated? We’re already divided into groups of two. Why can’t we just choose a song we’ve covered over the semester and do the project with our desk partners?”

Ms. Chase smiled at her student. “Excellent question, Adyson! Normally I would let you choose your own songs and partners...but this time around, I want to take all of you out of your comfort zones. You’re about to enter the real world as adults!! Hopefully, this little project helps you learn it can be fun to think outside the box and collaborate with people you wouldn’t normally.”

She considered these words for a moment before shrugging and continuing, “Or, you might learn that sometimes you have to work with people you don’t like to succeed in life. That’s a valid lesson too.”

A few students chuckled at that.

“Alright, left side of the room, over here! Right side, over there! Choose your songs and find your partners!!!” Ms. Chase gestured to buckets on either side of the room. “And once you find them, find a table and have a seat!! They’ll be your new desk partners for the rest of the semester.”

...

“Well, at least I tried…” Adyson muttered as she stood from the table she and Isabella shared. “Sorry we don’t get to work together.”

“It was a good effort!” Isabella replied encouragingly as they crossed the classroom. “But you know how Ms. Chase is...once she gets an idea, no matter how elaborate or wild it may seem, she has to see it through!”

“Sounds familiar,” Adyson noted with a smirk and a pointed glance at a certain boy standing across the room near the opposite bucket.

Isabella followed Adyson’s gaze. The gears in her head whirred for a second, and then the meaning of her statement sunk in.  “...shut up, Adyson….” she grumbled with a frown, face flushing against her will.

...oh gosh. Was he looking at her?? Was he waving at her????

….why did he have to be so CUTE.

Isabella offered a forced smile in his direction and willed her heart to slow down as she looked away and continued after Adyson.

Upon reaching the bucket, Adyson dug around for a bit before withdrawing a sheet of paper. “Hey, I got ‘I’m Lindana and I Wanna Have Fun’’!! I love this song!!” she exclaimed happily as Isabella picked her own. “What did you get, Isabella?”

Isabella unfolded the slip of paper she’d taken from the hat...and her stomach dropped.

“...you’ve got to be kidding me.”

...

“So what songs do you think we’ll get, Phineas?”

“I’m not sure, Irving! We’ll just have to draw our songs and find out, huh?”

The bespectacled boy at Phineas’s side let out a dejected sigh. “Yeah….I wish WE could be partners….”

Though he’d never admit it, Phineas himself was rather relieved for the parameters of this particular project’s partner selection system. He liked Irving well enough, but after spending an entire semester sitting next to him in this music appreciation class (and several summers hanging out with him on occasion), he was more than ready for a bit of space from this particular friend.

Besides, there was someone else Phineas would rather be paired with instead…

His gaze subconsciously flickered across the room to a certain girl with a bow in her hair.

For a second, their eyes met because SHE WAS ALREADY LOOKING AT HIM.

Phineas managed to wave awkwardly in her direction without falling over.

She smiled back. Also awkwardly.

Adorably awkwardly.

“Whatcha lookin at?” Irving asked, glancing over Phineas’s shoulder.

“NOTHING!!!” Phineas blurted out, sharply turning his head the other way and willing his face to PLEASE STOP BLUSHING BEFORE ISABELLA NOTICED because WHAT IF SHE WAS STILL LOOKING AT HIM??  “I’m not looking at...nothing!!! Let’s just, uh…”

He flew at the bucket and thrust his hand in, pulling out the first song he grasped.

“Let’s just pick our songs!!!!”

Phineas unfolded the piece of paper in his hands, ready for the sense of relief that would swirl around him once he had a song and a creative vision in his mind.

….but the song he’d chosen didn’t bring any relief. If anything, it made the amount of butterflies currently fluttering around in his stomach increase tenfold.

“......oh boy.”

...

“Let me see!! Let me see!!!”

Isabella passed the scrap of paper to Adyson without a word, face blank. Adyson squinted at it before bursting into laughter.

“Adyson!!!!” Isabella hissed. “This isn’t funny!!! I don’t want to sing a love song!! Not in front of the whole class!! And certainly not in front of…”

She bit her lip.

“...well, you know!!!”

Adyson just rolled her eyes. “Oh come on, Isabella. It isn’t as if you haven’t sung love songs in front of him in the past!!”

“...that’s the problem…” Isabella muttered, putting out a facade of irritability to hide the very real hurt growing in her chest.

Isabella had spent literal YEARS distancing her heart from her feelings for Phineas. Liking him and trying day in and day out to communicate her feelings to him with no success eventually became too painful to bear. Thus, she’d boarded up all those messy emotions and poured her efforts into school and work instead. She even intentionally went out of her way to avoid listening to any songs with romantic connotations (happy or sad), because they always reminded her of HIM.

So how was she supposed to stand in front of a classroom and deliver an authentic performance of a love song while he watched without thinking about him and the feelings she still harbored for him despite everything and how wonderful he was and….

“...maybe my partner will want to make a video instead…” she muttered quietly.

Adyson glanced at her friend and blanched when she noticed her downtrodden expression. “Oh gosh, please don’t get sad!!” she said quickly, placing a hand on Isabella’s shoulder. “I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have teased you. ...do you want to trade songs?”

Isabella sniffled and shook her head. “No, no, it’s okay...I need to do this. Maybe it will be therapeutic, in a way.

“And I don’t want to take your song away from you. You go have fun, girl!”

...

“What song did you get?” Irving asked, trying to sneak a peek at Phineas’s paper.

“Oh, just an Elvis song!” Phineas replied quickly.

He wasn’t particularly eager to discuss his song with Irving. Irving liked to talk.

More specifically, Irving liked to talk about HIM.

And Phineas didn’t want him discussing the fact that he was singing a love song to a class full of people that seemed to be all too aware of his own unrequited feelings for a certain classmate among them.

“What about you?” Phineas asked, eager to change the subject. “What song did you get?”

“I don’t know!!” Irving grasped a song from the bucket and unfolded it. His eyebrows furrowed. “...‘I’m Lindana and I Wanna Have Fun’? I think my MOM likes this song.”

“Hey, that’s a great song!!” Phineas said with a smile. He looked to the left and the right, feigning secrecy, before whispering,  “...MY mom IS Lindana, you know….”

Irving’s eyes widened. “WHAT????? ...HOW DID I NOT KNOW THAT???”

Phineas let out an inaudible sigh of relief as Irving’s gleeful smile grew wider and wider.

He suspected his own song was far from Irving’s thoughts at the moment.

“Well, I’m gonna go figure out who my partner is,” Phineas said. “Have fun! And if you want to talk to my mom about being Lindana at any point, I’m sure she’d love to chat with you and your partner!”

He left Irving hyperventilating excitedly in the corner.

Now to unpack the thoughts swirling around in his own head.

Phineas had to present a love song to the class.

And not just any love song.

A love song that hit a little too close to home concerning Phineas’s own love life…or lack thereof.

...it wasn’t like he’d WANTED to realize the fluttery, weightless way Isabella had always made him feel was in fact NOT normal and NOT how everyone felt around her.

Especially right before they started high school.

He didn’t ASK to turn into a blushing, stuttering mess whenever he saw her or even thought about her from that point on (which wasn’t as often as he would have liked...they’d seemed to drift apart JUST as he figured out his own feelings for her).

But Phineas couldn’t help it.

Isabella was just...so amazing.

How could he NOT be in love with her?

...and more pressingly, how was he supposed to discuss such a song with whoever his partner ended up being AND sing said song in front of their classmates without thinking of Isabella and dissolving into a blushy mess?

...

“...what song did you get, Ginger?”

“‘Chop Away At My Heart!’ I’m kinda surprised Ms. Chase even assigned this song, since it’s way more modern than what I was expecting. I’m not complaining though! Baljeet is obsessed with it, so I already know all the words!”

“That’s good!!”

“What song did you get?”

“Oh uh…..you know what, why don’t you just read the title for yourself?”

“....oh wow......have fun with that.”

...

“Hey, Phineas, what song are you doing?”

“Oh, it’s an Elvis song.”

“Nice! I have a Love Handel song.”

“Oh cool! Those guys are awesome.”

“Oh yeah, you’ve met them before, right?”

“Yup!! My siblings and I got them back together for our parents anniversary when we were kids. It was pretty cool. And then one time we helped them out by finding Klimpaloon to prove one of their songs was factual…”

“So awesome!! You know, I can’t wait to see your presentation! I’m sure it will be amazing, just like everything else you’ve made!”

“Oh, uh, yeah… I’m sure it’ll be great. I can’t wait to see yours!”

...

Gradually, pairs of students began forming as they matched songs with one another and took their seats to start brainstorming for their projects.

It eventually got to the point where only a few students remained searching for their partners.

Two of said students were, of course, Phineas and Isabella.

For the past ten minutes or so, they’d both done a remarkably effective job of avoiding one another. Isabella wanted to prolong the inevitable reality of presenting a love song in front of Phineas for as long as she dared, and Phineas didn’t trust himself to be able to casually discuss his song with Isabella without blushing as red as his hair.

They’d been so busy avoiding each other, in fact, that they didn’t realize neither of them had partners yet...until suddenly they were the only students left standing.

Isabella hadn’t considered this scenario. There were 23 other students in the class, and 11 other students besides Phineas choosing out of the other bucket. Statistically speaking, she’d had a pretty low chance of being partnered with him.

And EMOTIONALLY speaking, her brain had apparently refused to consider this scenario...the one where Phineas was the only student left standing...the one where Phineas clutched his piece of paper tightly to his chest, as if he didn’t want anyone else to see it...the one where he looked at her with an expression she couldn’t quite decipher but nonetheless made her head spin a little…

...the one where Isabella would almost CERTAINLY be forced to confront her feelings head-on for the first time in years.

In retrospect, she supposed she shouldn’t be surprised.

Isabella had always had interesting luck when it came to Phineas.

Phineas couldn’t move. Isabella was the only other student still standing, still looking for her partner, and he couldn’t move. His feet were stuck to the ground, as if he’d worn his heavy-duty steel-tipped sneakers by mistake today.

But he hadn’t worn his heavy-duty steel-tipped sneakers by mistake today.

The only thing keeping him glued to the ground was fear. And nervousness. And disbelief. And maybe a little bit of awe because was Isabella wearing a new bow today? It was pretty. She was pretty.

….Ok. So more than just fear was keeping him glued to the ground.

The thoughts in Phineas’s head were loud, far louder than any discussions his classmates might have been having with one another.

He was going to have to sing a love song with Isabella. He was going to have to discuss said song’s inherent romantic themes with Isabella. He was going to have to spend a lot of time in the next few weeks hanging out with Isabella.

A spark of clarity, of longing, emerged from that last thought.

He was going to get to spend a lot of time in the next few weeks hanging out with Isabella.

….he missed spending time with Isabella.

This realization gave Phineas the strength to finally lift his feet from the ground and walk towards his partner. She didn’t move as he approached: rather, she just gazed at him with an expression he couldn’t quite decipher.

If Phineas hadn’t known any better, he would’ve thought she was stuck just like he had been. He might have even let his heart flutter a bit.  

(But Phineas knew better. Isabella had no reason to be stuck. He was the lovestruck one here. Not her.)

“So uh...I guess we’re partners, huh?” Phineas voiced as he came to a stop at Isabella’s side. “ Keep it cool ,” he thought sternly. “ Isabella is your friend and you want to spend time with her and need to discuss the project with her. That’s it. No blushing. No stammering. Don’t think about how cute she looks. Don’t think about the lyrics of the song you’re presenting together. You’re just hanging out. Keep it together .”

Isabella managed a dry chuckle. “It appears so,” she replied. “Should we check our songs, just in case?”

Maybe there’d been some sort of mix up?

“Uh...yeah, I guess so,” Phineas replied hesitantly. He suddenly didn’t want to show her the scrap of paper clutched in his hands...though he knew it was irrational, he felt that showing her would be as revealing as a confession of his feelings, as if she could read his mind just by reading the title of the song he’d--no, they’d--been assigned.

“ It’s just a song… ” he assured himself as he opened his hands to reveal the paper inside.

...but it wasn’t really just a song.

“Here.” Isabella held her scrap out to Phineas as she accepted his.

Deep down, before they even confirmed the fact, they both knew there hadn’t been a mix-up with the papers. There were no other students standing, so there was no reason for them not to have been assigned the same song.

(And obviously they’d been assigned the same song...because if they hadn’t, this wouldn’t be much of a story, would it?)

“Ah, I see Isabella and Phineas are our last pair of partners!” Ms. Chase exclaimed, causing both of them to start. “What song did you guys get?”

Phineas and Isabella’s eyes met, and though there was no way, NO WAY, the other understood how they were feeling in this moment, there was a sense of solidarity...and maybe something more...in their gazes.

They could do this.

“....we got ‘‘Can’t Help Falling In Love’.”

...

Thank you sm for reading!!! This is probably the most self-indulgent thing I've ever posted, so the fact that you are reading it at all means the world to me🥰. (Writing Phinabella fic is how I got started writing fanfiction, but this is the first one I've ever posted so...it's a little nerve-wracking, haha!)

I will be posting more soon!!! I have the gist of the story planned out (and parts of a later scene already written 😶), now I just need to write it!

Also THANK YOU @youruinedmylifebynotbeingreal for being my beta, even though you don’t know much about this fandom, and for being so encouraging!!! :))))

[morwensteelsheen]

I’m starting grad school this autumn and honestly I’m getting nervous. Like yes I am v excited about the whole prospect overall and I do miss being a student but am intimidated by 3 hr long seminars and thesis writing and massive amounts of reading… everyone keeps saying it’s gonna be very different from undergrad so okay, but how specifically? Is it the large amounts of reading? I already had insane amounts of reading (humanities degree hurrah) especially in my last two years but could you expound on your own experience and how you take notes/read quickly/summarize or just how to deal with first time grad students?

Oh, yeah for sure! A necessary disclaimer here is that I'm at a certain poncy English institution that is noted for being very bad at communicating with its students and very bad at treating its postgrad students like human beings, so a lot of these strategies I've picked up will be overkill for anyone who has the good sense to go somewhere not profoundly evil lol.

So I'll just preface this by saying that I am a very poor student in terms of doing what you're supposed to. I'm very bad at taking notes, I never learned how to do it properly, and I really, really struggle with reading dense literature. That said, I'm probably (hopefully?) going to get through this dumb degree just fine. Also — my programme is a research MPhil, not taught, so it's a teensy bit more airy-fairy in terms of structure. I had two classes in Michaelmas term, both were once a week for two hours each; two in Lent, one was two hours weekly, the other two hours biweekly; and no classes at all in Easter. I also have no exam component, I was/am assessed entirely on three essays (accounting for 30% of my overall mark) and my dissertation (the remaining 70%), which is, I think, a little different to how some other programmes are. I think even some of the other MPhils here are more strenuous than that, like Econ and Soc Hist is like 100% dissertation? Anyways, not super important, but knowing what you're getting marked on is important. I dedicated considerably less time than I did in undergrad to perfecting my coursework essays because they just don't hold as much weight now. The difference between a 68 and a 70 just wasn't worth the fuss for me, which helped keep me sane-ish.

The best advice anyone ever gave me was that, whereas an undergrad degree can kind of take over your life without it becoming a problem, you need to treat grad school like a job. That's not because it's more 'serious' or whatever, but because if you don't set a really strict schedule and keep to it, you'll burn yourself out and generally make your life miserable. Before I went back on my ADD meds at the end of Michaelmas term, I sat myself down at my desk and worked from 11sh to 1800ish every day. Now that I'm medicated, I do like 9:30-10ish to 1800-1900 (except for now that I'm crunching on my diss, where, because of my piss-poor time management skills I'm stuck doing, like, 9:30-22:30-23:00). If you do M-F 9-5, you'll be getting through an enormous amount of work and leaving yourself loads of time to still be a human being on the edges. That'll be the difference between becoming a postgrad zombie and a person who did postgrad. I am a postgrad zombie. You do not want to be like me.

The 'work' element of your days can really vary. It's not like I was actually consistently reading for all that time — my brain would have literally melted right out of my ears — but it was about setting the routine and the expectation of dedicating a certain, consistent and routinized period of time for focusing on the degree work every day. My attention span, even when I'm medicated, is garbage, so I would usually read for two or three hours, then either work on the more practical elements of essay planning, answer emails, or plot out the early stages of my research.

In the first term/semester/whatever, lots of people who are planning on going right into a PhD take the time to set up their applications and proposals. I fully intended on doing a PhD right after the MPhil, but the funding as an international student trying to deal with the pandemic proved super problematic, and I realised that the toll it was taking on my mental health was just so not worth it, so I've chosen to postpone a few years. You'll feel a big ol' amount of pressure to go into a PhD during your first time. Unless you're super committed to doing it, just try and tune it out as much as you can. There's absolutely nothing wrong with taking a year (or two, or three, or ten) out, especially given the insane conditions we're all operating under right now.

I'll be honest with you, I was a phenomenally lazy undergrad. It was only by the grace of god and being a hard-headed Marxist that I managed to pull out a first at the eleventh hour. So the difference between UG and PG has been quite stark for me. I've actually had to do the reading this year, not just because they're more specialised and relevant to my research or whatever, but because, unlike in UG, the people in the programme are here because they're genuinely interested (and not because it's an economic necessity) and they don't want to waste their time listening to people who haven't done the reading.

I am also a really bad reader. Maybe it's partially the ADD + dyslexia, but mostly it's because I just haven't practiced it and never put in the requisite effort to learn how to do it properly. My two big pointers here are learning how to skim, and learning how to prioritise your reading.

This OpenU primer on skimming is a bit condescending in its simplicity, but it gets the point across well. You're going to want to skim oh, say, 90% of the reading you're assigned. This is not me encouraging you to be lazy, it's me being honest. Not every word of every published article or book is worth reading. The vast majority of them aren't. That doesn't mean the things that those texts are arguing for aren't worth reading, it just means that every stupid rhetorical flourish included by bored academics hoping for job security and/or funding and/or awards isn't worth your precious and scarce time. Make sure you get the main thrust of each text, make sure you pull out and note down one or two case studies and move right the hell on. There will be some authors whose writing will be excellent, and who you will want to read all of. Everything else gets skimmed.

Prioritisation is the other big thing. You're going to have shitty weeks, you're probably going to have lots of them. First off, you're going to need to forgive yourself for those now — everybody has them, yes, even the people who graduated with distinctions and go on to get lovely £100,000 AHRC scholarships. Acknowledge that there will be horrible weeks, accept it now, and then strategise for how to get ahead of them. My personal strategy is to plan out what I'm trying to get out of each course I take, and then focus only on the readings that relate to that topic.

I took a course in Lent term that dealt with race and empire in Britain between 1607 and 1900; I'm a researcher of the Scottish far left from 1968-present, so the overlap wasn't significant. But I decided from the very first day of the course that I was there to get a better grasp about the racial theories of capitalism and the role of racial othering in Britain's subjugation of Ireland. Those things are helpful to me because white supremacist capitalism comes up hourly in my work on the far left, and because the relationship of the Scottish far left to Ireland is extremely important to its self definition. On weeks when I couldn't handle anything else, I just read the texts related to that. And it was fine, I did fine, I got my stupid 2:1 on the final essay, and I came out of it not too burnt out to work on my dissertation.

Here is where I encourage you to learn from my mistakes: get yourself a decent group of people who you can have in depth conversations about the material with. I was an asshole who decided I didn't need to do that with any posh C*mbr*dge twats, and I have now condemned myself to babbling incomprehensible nonsense at my partner because I don't have anyone on my course to work through my ideas with. These degrees are best experienced when they're experienced socially. In recent years (accelerated by the pandemic, ofc), universities have de-emphasised the social component of postgrad work, largely to do with stupid, long-winded stuff related to postgrad union organising etc. It's a real shame because postgrads end up feeling quite socially isolated, and because they're not having these fun and challenging conversations, their work actually suffers in the long term. This is, and I cannot stress this enough, the biggest departure from undergrad. Even the 'weak links' or whatever judgemental nonsense are there because they want to be. That is going to be your biggest asset. Talk, talk, talk. Listen, listen, listen. Offer to proofread people's papers so you get a sense of how people are thinking about things, what sort of style they're writing in, what sources they're referring to. Be a sponge and a copycat (but don't get done for plagiarism, copy like this.) Also: ask questions that seem dumb. For each of your classes, ask your tutors/lecturers who they think the most important names in their discipline are. It sounds silly, but it's really helpful to know the intellectual landscape you're dealing with, and it means you know whose work you can go running to if you get lost or tangled up during essay or dissertation writing!

You should also be really honest about everything — another piece of advice that I didn't follow and am now suffering for. The people on your courses and in your cohort are there for the same reasons as you, have more or less the same qualifications as you, and are probably going to have a lot of the same questions and insecurities as you. If you hear an unfamiliar term being used in a seminar, just speak up and ask about it, because there're going to be loads of other people wondering too. But you should also cultivate quite a transparent relationship with your supervisor. I was really cagey and guarded with mine because my hella imposter syndrome told me she was gonna throw my ass out of the programme if I admitted to my problems. Turns out no, she wouldn't, and that actually she's been a super good advocate for me. If you feel your motivation slipping or if you feel like you're facing challenges you could do with a little extra support on, go right to your supervisor. Not only is that what they're there to do, they've also done this exact experience before and are going to be way more sympathetic and aware of the realities of it than, say, the uni counselling service or whatever.

Yeah so I gotta circle back to the notes thing... I really do not take notes. It's my worst habit. Here's an example of the notes I took for my most recent meeting with my supervisor (revising a chapter draft).

No sane person would ever look at these and think this is a system worth replicating lol. But the reason they work for me is because I also record (with permission) absolutely everything. My mobile is like 90% audio recordings of meetings and seminars lol. So these notes aren't 'good' notes, but they're effective for recalling major points in the audio recording so I can listen to what was said when I need to.

Sorry none of this is remotely organised because it's like 2330 here and my brain is so soft and mushy. I'm literally just writing things as I remember them.

Right, so: theory is a big thing. Lots of people cheap out on this and it's to their own detriment. You say you're doing humanities, and tbh, most of the theory involved on the humanities side of the bridge is interdisciplinary anyways, so I'm just gonna give you some recommendations. The big thing is to read these things and try to apply them to what you're writing about. This sounds so fucking condescending but getting, like, one or two good theoretical frameworks in your papers will actually put you leaps and bounds beyond the students around you and really improve your research when the time comes. Also: don't read any of these recommendations without first watching, like an intro youtube video or listening to a podcast. The purists will tell you that's the wrong way to do it, but I am a lazy person and lazy people always find the efficient ways to do things, so I will tell the purists to go right to hell.

Check out these impenetrable motherfuckers (just one or two will take your work from great to excellent, so don't feel obliged to dig into them all):

Karl Marx and Fredrich Engels (I'm not just pushing my politics, but also, I totally am) — don't fucking read Capital unless you're committed to it. Oh my god don't put yourself through that unless you really have to. Try, like, the 18th Brumaire of Louis Napoleon for the fun quotes, and Engels on the family.

Frantz Fanon — Wretched of the Earth. Black Skin White Masks also good, slightly more impossible to read

Benedict Anderson — Imagined Communities. It's about nationalism, but you will be surprised at how applicable it is to... so many other topics

Judith Butler — she really sucks to read. I love her. But she sucks to read. If you do manage to read her though, your profs will love you because like 90% of the people who say they've read her are lying

Bourdieu — Distinction is good for a lot of things, but especially for introducing the idea of social and cultural capital. There's basically no humanities sub-discipline that can't run for miles on that alone.

Crenshaw — the genesis of intersectionality. But, like, actually read her, not the ingrates who came after her and defanged intersectionality into, like, rainbow bombs dropped over Gaza.

The other thing is that you should read for fun. My programme director was absolutely insistent that we all continue to read for pleasure while we did this degree, not just because it's good for destressing, but because keeping your cultural horizons open actually makes your writing better and more interesting. I literally read LOTR for the first time in, like February, and the difference in my writing and thinking from before and after is tangible, because not only did it give me something fun to think about when I was getting stressy, but it also opened up lots of fun avenues for thought that weren't there before. I read LOTR and wanted to find out more about English Catholics in WWI, and lo and behold something I read about it totally changed how I did my dissertation work. Or, like, a girl on my course who read the Odyssey over Christmas Break and then started asking loads of questions about the role of narrative creation in the archival material she was using. It was seriously such a good edict from our director.

Also, oh my god, if you do nothing else, please take this bit seriously: forgive yourself for the bad days. The pressure in postgrad is fucking unreal. Nobody, nobody is operating at 100% 100% of the time. If you aim for 60% for 80% of the time and only actually achieve 40% for 60% of the time, you will still be doing really fucking well. Don't beat yourself up unnecessarily. Don't make yourself feel bad because you're not churning out publishable material every single day. Some days you just need to lie on the couch, order takeout, and watch 12 hours of Jeopardy or whatever, and I promise you that that is a good and worthwhile thing to do. You don't learn and grow without rest, so forgive yourself for the moments and days of unplanned rest, and forgive yourself for when you don't score as highly as you want to, and forgive yourself when you say stupid things in class or don't do all of (or any of) the class reading.

Uhhhh I think I'm starting to lose the plot a bit now. Honestly, just ping me whatever questions you have and I'm happy to answer them. There's a chance I'll be slower to respond over the next few days because my dissertation is due in a week (holy fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) but I will definitely respond. And honestly, no question is too dumb lol. I wish I'd been able to ask someone about things like what citation management software is best or how to set up a desk for maximum efficiency or whatever, but I was a scaredy-cat about it and didn't. So yeah, ask away and I will totally answer.

[goodtimingz]

dreaming you would come true

intro. pt1. pt2. pt3. pt4. pt5.

AN: i’m writing these everynight instead of writing my essay. plz feel free to send in your relationship goal prompts c: i’ll write them in this universe or i can do it for another idol!

tags: studentlife, jae day6, fluff, college!au

: the one where you meet jae in your second year of college and it’s basically love at first sight. just little excerpts of what i think a relationship w jae would be like c:

1.7k words

Hi, hello. Every time I say hi to you it makes my heart flutter.

It was Saturday night and finals were over. 

On any other day you'd be celebrating, out with the group for drinks like everyone else was. But tonight you just weren't feeling it. Maybe it was the chicken you'd ate at dinner, the fact that you hadn't slept enough or the fact that finals being over meant you had no more reason to meet Jae. 

You missed his laugh already, and the way his elbows hit yours when you wrote notes beside eachother. The bee line for the boba shop that shut at 11pm on Fridays, and waking him up after watching him fall asleep from a 20minute online lecture. You missed him and you felt under the weather.

Wonpil had been hesitant to leave you, your close friend and classmate. You both lived in the same dormitory building and had met on the first day of class. "Y/N are you sure you don't wanna join us?" he had asked pouting, hand already on the door handle. You had to reassure him that you were fine and come up with some lie about needing to call your mom. This was a time to celebrate and everyone deserved a break, including Wonpil who had worked his ass off and probably got all A's. 

Your mind wondered to Jae, picturing him out at a bar with his mates. He probably forgot about you right? Maybe he'd been hanging out with you for the past 2 weeks because you helped him study better... (not sure about that since you'd always bother him with deep questions related to your psych class just to hear his voice abit more.)

Stuck in your thoughts, the knock on your door almost sent your soul out of your body. Ever since you were woken up by the staff during a false fire alarm the knocks had always made your heart race. You hauled the heavy ass door open with a sigh, expecting your drunk best friend or another random drunkard knocking on everyone's doors.

Instead you came face to face with Jae. Well, more like chest to face since he was ridiculously tall.

"Ayee Y/N, you didn't think I'd skip a day without you right?" His playful voice and the sweet words were like music to your ears .

Without a second thought you smiled at him and every worry went away, replaced with burning red cheeks. "What brings you here?" You questioned bashfully, opening the door wider for him to get out of the hallway.

"I was thinking you'd be boring and stay in tonight, so I asked your friend Wonpil what room you were in. You know he's in my Music class right?" You roll your eyes and nod at him as he places a plastic bag on your desk.

You couldn't lie, you were beyond surprised and happy he'd come. But it was more surprising to watch as Jae pulled out three bottles of soju and searched your shelf for cups.

"How about we cheers? You've been working your ass off and I need to drink to forget how bad the last exam went. Leshgoo!"

Your eyes widen before you realised you were laughing. "Jae do you honestly think we can finish 3 bottles? I heard from your friend Younghyun that you're a light weight as heck!" Coincidentally (or not), the day after you met Jae, Younghyun had sat beside you in one of your stats classes. 

Since then you had been sent a handful of snapchat's of Jae sleeping in awkward positions, so you assumed Younghyun had heard about you through Jae.

Jae looked at you sideways, fiddling with the lid of Soju. "Ehh Younghyun's a machine that's why. Anyone is a lightweight beside him." He was already pouring you both a drink and before you knew it 3 bottles were gone. You were a light weight too, so that was definitely not a good decision.

Jae looked so cute. You're not sure how you got here, sitting on the floor of your bedroom cross legged, facing the cutest guy, but boy were you glad to be.

"Y/N, you always look so pretty, I wonder if I can see you when you don't look panda-ish." Jae mumbled, his eyes smiling sleepily. He was a sleepy drunk, or maybe that's just the 8hrs he slept for the past week. He sure loved the panda idea, and had even drew a panda on your notebook during one of your study sessions.  

You laughed at his sweet expression, pushing him softly on his shoulder. "Try again in a month, but I might blind you with my beauty. You should know I'm just like the 9-tailed fox when I’m not sleep deprived."

Yeah, you were drunk, in fact you both were. You tried your best to send him a sexy wink but you ended up laughing at yourself because no matter how drunk you were, you were still shy. 

"Does that mean you'll eat my heart? I did not sign up for this!"Jae's cute eyes turned to slits with a suspicious scowl. (You took a mental picture of it, saving later for a rainy day.)

"Only if you let me..." You sent him a suggestive look and laughed as he covered his chest. Anyone looking in would probably think you two were insane. You weren't sure what time it was, and if it hadn't been you're own room you probably wouldn't remember where you were either. There were boxes of chinese food you’d ordered and random things everywhere around the two of you. 

"I don't think the 9-tailed fox asked her victims for permission Y/n..." He had a point. "Okay then, mind if I just-" you reached out to his chest, pretending to cut a slit with your nails and reach in to grab his heart while he giggled the whole time.

"WOW, with that precise cut you should've been a surgeon!" Jae teased, his cheeks were so flushed and you took both of his hands in your own.

"You should know that is what I always dreamed to do, but here we are, 2 years into a psychology major. Thank me later when you have identity issues next, I'll be your certified therapist friend." You found the most dramatically serious voice you could while thoroughly drunk, and sent another wink Jae's way before lazily reaching for his hair. 

He dodged your hands feigning offence. "OUCH, you friend-zoned me? Well, I guess you won't be able to dye my hair pink anymore, that's saved for my girlfriends." 

"GirlfriendS??? As in plural? Wow Jae I should be the one surprised, I didn't know you were a player... But I guess it makes sense since you're so cute."

Friend-zoned? Who was talking about friend-zoning here? You weren't. Jae loosely put his hands up in defence, "Your homeboy is loyal to the day he dies!"

You move his hands out of the way shuffling so your knees were touching. You already knew he was loyal, he had a niche personality that could vibe with others but you never seen him disrespect a women.

"And why would I friend zone you? You're so cute, Have you seen this?" Cheek pinch. "And this?" Nose boop. "And these!" Your fingers brushed his lips, unknowingly a pout had formed on your face. "It's not fair that you always look cute. Save some for the rest of us Jae."

,

Jae felt his heart beating faster as you moved closer to him. The way you touched him with that smile and then the pout, it was enough to sober him up. He reached out to hold your face with both of his hands, watching as your hands dropped to your sides and your expression grew bashful.

"I think you're one to talk Y/N" He spoke so softly, noticing just how close you were. You looked so adorable, he could swear your lips called his name.

Who was he to deny it?

He leaned forward, gently kissing your lips. They were soft and tasted like peach soju. He could only think of you, if after this you never talked to him, slapped him or acted like it never happened he would accept it. But he liked you, and he couldn't stand denying it anymore.

To his surprise you kissed back softly, tentatively as if you were afraid.

When you pulled away his eyes searched yours, afraid he would find regret. "Will you remember this in the morning?" He asked you nervously.

"Jae, I'm pretty sober right now, and I like you." Your words were so sure and the shy smile you sent his way sent a wave of relief over him. Thank gosh.

"10 points! that's exactly what I wanted to hear because I like you too Y/N." Okay, his pulse had definitely increased to double speed and his hands were sweaty. Even though he knew your feelings now, it still felt so nerve-wrecking to confess. He tried hard to keep eye contact because some dating advice website said it was important, but it was hard.

,

You let out a breathy laugh before it turned into a genuine one. Was that so hard? Hell yes it was, your heart was beating out of your damn chest. Anyone with ears could surely hear it, which meant Jae could surely too.

"So... we good?" You managed to find words but it felt like trying to speak another language. Suddenly the room looked a mess and you got to your feet, starting to clean. "Of course we're good Y/N, we always are." Jae spoke comfortingly, a bashful smile resting on his lips as he followed your acts. Perfect. You nodded with a grin, taking the bottles from his hands to throw away.

When you turned back to face him, he looked so shy smiling at the ground. He was so Jae, so cute, so your type. You could not resist resting your hands on his neck and pulling him down for another kiss, this time you were sure to let him know you liked him. 

When your lips touched everything except Jae left your thoughts. The way his lips moved against yours felt so right. When you two separated his hands rested on your waist and you never wanted them to leave. Up close Jae was so beautiful you couldn't help but smile.

"So... can I dye your hair now?" 

Jae laughed at your asking eyes, nodding as he pulled into a tight hug. With your cheek resting on his chest and his chin on your head, a buzz of excitement rushed through you. The future suddenly looked less black and white, and more blue? Yes, rather than pink you think Jae would suit blue.

[cashbanct]

THREE MINUTES THESIS  I  Kun

N/A - Thank you so much @neocrackheadtechno​ for requesting this ice cream. You wanted a professor Kun and I hope I wrote him right! I really liked writing this ice cream, Kun always makes me weak, he is so perfect. I hope you like it (:

Pairing – Professor!Kun x DoctorateStudent!Reader

Rating – 15+

Words Count -  3,022

Genre – Fluff, Heavy kissing 

Warning – Some steamy kisses on the sofa but other than that, it’s only some fluff and a doctorate student being stressed and working.

Synopsis – Last year of studies for you to get your doctorate and you are beyond stressed as your university decided to change how doctorate presentation were going to be. But it’s alright, as your thesis professor comes to your rescue.

This is part of the Story Store stories.

Flavour: Bubble Gum: University/High School

Toppings: None

Share with: Kun

You were exhausted. Your head was resting on top of all your documents on your desk, your computer still on and the clock on your right was displaying 2:35 am.

But you couldn’t go to sleep, you simply couldn’t. As you were a doctorate student, finishing your last year in less than a month, you had to submit a thesis to your university in order to get your diploma. You picked your subject at the beginning of your first year and continued to work on it during those 3 years.

As a neurolinguistic student, your main topic was the Power of Languages on the Brain, and more precisely, the differences on the brain when someone becomes bilingual in their childhood versus their adulthood.

It was really interesting for you, and you loved finding new information, getting interviews from people, receiving brain images, and comparing them.

But after three years, three long years of working on the subject, you were mentally exhausted. You had to put all the information you got together to build up your essay.

You have done that already, as you had to submit your thesis couple of weeks ago. But then, it didn’t explain why you were like this. Why would you be exhausted if you had done all your work?

Well, you didn’t. Your professor adverted you a week ago that the presentation of your thesis, which would happen at the end of this month, changed a little bit. Instead of wanted to have a full presentation of your work in 20 minutes, they thought it would be interested in for students to resume their three years of work, in well, three minutes.

Three years in three minutes. Also known as your 3 minutes thesis.

You heard of it last year, as fellow of your now post doctorate friends passed it and told you that it was really hard. But they were in another university, so you didn’t think yours would do the same.

But they did. And you were now exhausted as you tried to pack all the most important information in less than 3 minutes. Only you didn’t succeed, as every time it exceeded 8 minutes.

As you read on your clock that it was now 3 am, you gave up. You went to bed, tired, stressed and just wanted this to be over with. How? You didn’t know yet.

When you woke up the next morning, you thought that it would be nice for you to work at the library for once instead of your bedroom. You were starting to get fed up of seeing the same four walls while stressing about what you had to do.

The library was really busy as every single student were preparing for their respecting exams. Fortunately, as a doctorate student, you had access to a quiet room in priority, making it easier to find a place to study in peace.

You managed to find one pretty quickly, as they weren’t a lot of professors or doctorate students yet because it was still early in the afternoon.

You took out all of your papers, your computer and your pen and got to work, again. You managed to reduce your thesis to 6 minutes, but it was still twice too long.

You were starting to lose your mind that you didn’t even notice that someone sat down in front of you until you heard your name being called. You raised your head and was face to face with Professor Qian, or as you know him better under his first name, Kun.

Professor Qian was your third-year doctorate professor. He got his doctorate diploma two years ago and was assigned to help last year doctorate students to prepare their thesis, as he did his not long ago. He was only three years older than you, and quickly during the year, even with staying professional during school hours, formalities were dropped between you two.

You were working nonstop in November in the library when he saw you and offered to read your work in order to help. You gladly took his offer and after a lot of evenings spent together, he became like a friend.

In his part at least.

Because in yours, you couldn’t stop the growing crush you developed over Kun. He was everything you ever loved in someone else.

He was helping, always understanding and reassuring. When you were starting to stress to much, he would speak in his deep and calm voice, telling you that it was going to be alright. He was really funny too when you took some rest from working, cracking jokes that made you laugh too loud for being appropriate in the library.

He was also very intelligent and had lots of knowledge. You would both sometimes talk about other topics than your classes or your thesis, and you couldn’t stop being mesmerized at everything Kun would explain to you.

You also learned that he was a great cook, as one time, you both ate lunch together. He had his lunch wrapped in his container, telling you what he cooked and making you taste it. You never had eaten something so good and he had laughed as you asked for one more bite.

To put in simple, Kun wasn’t a regular crush as you could have over the coffee shop guy or some artists you liked. No, the truth was that you were deeply in love with Kun, no more, no less.

You loved Kun, but you couldn’t do anything.

You had to remember that even if both of you had a great time talking in the library and sometimes outside, he was your teacher and you were one of his students. At least for now.

“Hey, how are you doing?” Kun asked with a smile, as you finally raised your head to look at him.

You managed to keep your face and emotions in control when you ever talk to him, at least on the outside. No one knew about your feelings and you preferred that it stayed that way.

“Dying, that’s what I am doing…” you answered as you showed him the pile of paper in front of you.

He shook his head. “Come on, I am sure you are doing great!” He said, a cheerful tone in his voice. “Show me what you did so far so we can see where to continue.”

You both went over everything once more and you were very grateful for his help. Having someone exterior to guide you and asking questions for you to understand where some parts were lacking made you work more effectively.

At the end of the afternoon, he told you that you both could meet next week to keep working on your thesis. And you did, meeting him every day for some time to go over every aspect that your jury would want you to say and explain.

However, one day, almost two weeks before your presentation day, Kun and you stayed until close hours at the library, and it wasn’t until you both went outside and were met with the dark sky that you realised how much time had passed.

“I’ll walk with you to your apartment, it’s too late. Is it alright with you?” He said as he checked the time.

You nodded, wanted to have his company for a little bit more. It wasn’t the first time he dropped you off at your place. Sometimes during the winter, when it would get dark earlier and you were both working late at the library, he would drive you back to your place.

But, it was the first time he walked there with you.

You both were in an animate conversation about some neurological terms and aspect when you noticed you arrived and were in front of your building.

Without even thinking twice about it, you asked him if he wanted to stay more to eat something because it was really late and you both didn’t eat dinner.

You didn’t think he would accept, but he did, and that’s how you both were looking in your almost empty fridge for something to eat.

“Ah, I am sorry, I didn’t go grocery shopping these days, I actually don’t have a lot to eat.” You said embarrassed.

He chuckled lightly. “It’s okay, look you have some tomatoes, some onions,…” he opened one cupboard on his right and found some cans and a packet of noodles. “and noodles.”

You laughed at the distraught face he made.

“Don’t worry, I usually call for take outs.” You tell him.

He shook his head, disapproving. “Take outs are not good in the long terms. I’ll cook you my go to noodles recipe.”

And he did.

You didn’t think that seeing a man in your kitchen could make you feel something but seeing Kun cooking for you effortlessly made your heart burst in your chest.

You took out some beers, the last ones you had, for both of you as you asked him if he wanted one and once the noodles were ready, you went to sit on your sofa to eat.

You both conversed for a long time, eating, and drinking in the same time, and you felt at ease. Talking with Kun was easy as he always had something interesting to say.

You listened to him talk, and talk, not taking you eyes away from his face, focusing on his lips moving. Even if you tried to look only at his eyes, his now red and plump lips from eating the spicy noodles were catching your eyes every time.

He then took a sip of his beer, distracting you from staring and you did the same. You saw his cheeks reddening.

“I talk to much, don’t I?” He said.  

You shook your head quickly.

“No, you never speak too much, I love hearing your voice, it’s so mesmerizing.”

You paused, realising what you just blurred out. You were now the one who talked too much.

You were now both blushing and an awkward silence took place in the room.

“Thank you,” you heard him whisper delicately, “I like hearing you talk too.”

You felt yourself get warmer as you turned your head to stare at him. He was already looking at you, smiling so bright, his eyes disappearing slightly.

Just looking at him, sitting casually on your sofa in your apartment, drinking beer and eating with you made you create scenarios in your head. This scene was so domestic, as if you just both were living together and came home for work, talking about your day.

It was too much for you, but you loved it, and you secretly wish it were real.

You really wanted this to be real.

But maybe you could make it real.

As Kun leaned towards you slowly, seeing that you were deep in thoughts, you didn’t think twice more. Maybe the beer helped you made the action, but you didn’t mind.

You leaned forward too and kissed him.

At first, you didn’t really realised what you did, as your eyes were closed, and the only thing you could feel was his warm lips on yours. It’s only when you understood what you did and that he was not responding at all that you retreated, panicked.

You messed up. You just kissed your professor, and even if he won’t be anymore in a month, you still did it.

You opened your eyes, displaying probably the same shocked face as he was showing you right now.

“I am so sorry…” You started, your voice trembling slightly as you were mentally preparing yourself for Kun to yell at you or telling you that you did something wrong.

But neither of what you were thinking came true.

As you opened your mouth to add another apology, looking around to not meet his stare, you didn’t catch him move quickly towards you, taking your face between his hands to look at him.

The next action made your brain go blank as you felt his lips on yours.

He was now the one kissing you.

You couldn’t think about anything else as you kissed him back, putting as much passion in the kiss as him.

Soon, the kiss turned out into a full make out session without both of you realising it. As he took your bottom lips delicately between his lips, sucking on it slowly, you let out a quiet moan. His hands were on your hips, his thumbs caressing your skin under your shirt as your arms were locked behind his neck, your hands roaming in his hair, playing with it.

Your back was now pressing against the sofa as he was now on top of you, your tongues battling with each other for dominance.

Your breath was getting shorter, but you didn’t want it to stop. Your hands went under his shirt, wandered on his back and he took it as a sign to take it off.

He did it quickly, and you just had the time to take a quick glance of his naked torso until he was kissing you again.

Your shirt got discharged rapidly after without you even realising it.

It’s just when you felt his hands just under your chest as yours were just on top of his back jeans that you both stops and stared at each other.

You were both breathing really loud, trying to catch your breath.

“Wow.” Kun just said after he took a deep breath, “it escaladed quickly.”

You chuckled slightly as he went to grab his shirt and you did the same, putting it back on yourself.

“It did,” you paused then added, “but I liked it.”

He just nodded at you. “I did too.”

You looked at him and couldn’t stop thinking that he was really sexy with his hair a mess from your fingers and his lips even plumper and redder than before from your make out session.

You were sure you looked like him right now, and you couldn’t stop your cheeks from getting warm.

“You know,” he told you quietly and you caught him already staring at you, smiling sweetly, “I have been waiting for a long time to do this.”

You looked at him surprised, “did you? Really?”

He nodded once more, than shook his head as not believing at what he was going to reveal you. “I actually have had noticed you since your first day of your doctorate.” He smiled, lost in his souvenirs. “You were so determinate to work on your thesis, and as a fresh graduate, knowing how painful it is, I couldn’t stop thinking that I looked like you when I started. But, you never gave up, always looking for more, always interesting in going further. I really admired you and when I got to be your professor this year, when I got to know you for who you were, outside of work related, I didn’t know that I was missing someone like you in my life.”

“Someone like me?”

“Yes,” he chuckled lightly, “someone like you. Someone hard-working, open minded, who pays attention to every details. You are the only one who saw I was not feeling good last year around the holidays, even my friends didn’t even see it. I think that’s when I knew I felt for you.”

You then remembered this moment as you beamed back at him. Last year, around Christmas, you were working late at the library. You went to grab another book when you saw Kun sitting at one of the other tables. In appearance he looked fine, but you noticed how he was rubbing his eyes behind his glasses, how he was messing with his hair slightly like he was stressed.

That night you went to talk to him, feeling brave enough, and you learned that he was supposed to come back to his family’s house, but couldn’t in the end. He was really sad about it. You then invited him to your friend’s Christmas, telling him that even if it were not family, he could spend it with you instead.

You remembered how bright his smile was after you both talked for hours, and maybe you thought, you felt for him this day too.

“I liked you for a long time too, but I didn’t think the situation was right for me to do something.” You confessed to him as well.

He agreed with you, “You are right, that’s what kept me also from trying something. That’s why I kept bugging you at the library after class hours. I wanted to spend more time with you.”

You felt yourself blush again; you were sure your face was so red.

“That’s why you were popping in the library when I was thinking of you, I thought I had the power to summon you.”

He laughed as he took your hand in his.

“Probably you had because I always wanted to be with you.”

You shook your head at his reply, your cheeks hurting from smiling too much.

He then put his other hand to bring you closer to kiss you again.

And you kissed some more, and some more.

After this night, everything felt like a dream.

As Kun and you kept your relationship secret, spending time together after working on your presentation and studying, you had never felt that happier.

He made sure you were ready for your presentation, cheering you up everyday by sending you messages or writing you notes and giving them to you when you saw him.

When the day of your presentation arrived, you had never felt this stressed before. But, three minutes was fast and before you even noticed, your time was over.

But you did amazing because you knew everything and studied a lot for this moment. You managed to answer to all the questions thrown at you. That night when you met with Kun, he congratulated you, telling you that even if he was not in the class to see you, he was sure you nailed it.

And nailed it, you did, as you received your diploma a week later and the biggest congratulation kiss ever.

N/A – Thank you so much for reading! I hope you liked it (: 

I wanted to make it cute and fluffy. I don’t know if I managed to do it, but I enjoyed writing it! More ice creams coming soon~

The moodboard is made by me!

©  All Rights Reserved to @cashbanct​ (2020)

[guineapigsinwinter]

Cat among the canines

Chapter two:

I'm thinking I will double this in length wise before posting it to ao3, go over the next or so,or should I just do what I have and time skip to the cannon start time?

--------

A week after New Year’s day, room 701.

“Ta, ta, tall, I’m the tallest!” Jack’s roommates were all staring at the dancing Labrador, stunned by the level of his excitement at the impromptu measuring results he’d excitedly demanded as soon as he as he saw Collet’s height now nearly matched his.

“Yeah.. he will likely be like this for a few minutes unless something gets his attention” Legoshi quietly said smiling, as he moved to corner of the room to check on the ant farm the others had gotten him for Rexmas, wail gently wagging.

Later that day

It was a small group making a circuit around the snow covered garden, checking which plants appeared to be fine and which had been damaged by the weather over the holidays. Susan, the Highland Cow who was the gardening club’s president was using it as a chance to catch up with Haru, Jack and Miguno.

“And it actually worked! We were able to sneak into Tem’s dorm and watched all three Lord of the Rings films, Bill had never seen them before!” Jack rapidly said, his voice matching his tail wagging.

“Really dude, you inflicted that on him? Star Wars would have been better” Miguno countered, causing a gasp of shock and childish outrage from Jack. “Take that back! Everyone knows Lord of the Rings is better!”.

It had started out when the guys had found Bill had never really read or watched much beyond what his family had approved. He had quickly fallen in love with the various science fiction shows, manga, comics and games Collet, Miguno and Voss had introduced him to. Jack, Legoshi and Durnham preferred fantasy, and the argument and had become a recuring debate in room 701 and the cause of multiple of dog piles.

“Personally, I don’t really like either, historical or modern stuff is better” Haru casually added, causing the two first years to stop and stare at her in horror.

Susan chuckled as the three younger students went into a passionate argument about films, the club president enjoying the energy and childish passion of the younger club members.

Ahh, to be that carefree and not have to worry about final year exams the Highland cow thought, before she gently ended the debate and started explaining everything she knew about the holly bushes they had reached to the young animals.

Meanwhile, in room 701.

Voss sighed as he sat down at his laptop on the table that covered Bill’s bed, the 13 year old relishing in the silence that filled the room. Bill and Collet had dragged Legoshi to their wrestling practice, Miguno and Jack were at gardening club and Durnham at the swim team practice. He loved his dorm mates, he really did, but fennec also loved this rare chance to have peace and quite to himself. Sipping at his mug of milk, he started to work on the next instalment of comic series he was writing for the school paper.

Several hours later, Miguno was the first to get back, Voss’s nose wrinkling when the smell of chlorine filled the room. “Open the window please Miguno, your making the place stink like a pool” he grumbled as he finished up the history report he had moved onto after he finished writing his comic.

“But it’s so good! You should come sometime Voss” Durnham replied, bouncing across the room as his swim bag went sailing into a corner and he opened the window, the crisp winter air flooding into the air.

“Please don’t turn into Jack and Bill, it’s hard enough with them trying to drag me to their respective clubs.” Voss replied, putting away his battered laptop, sensing the incoming storm just from the sheer energy radiated by the coyote.

Durnham’s response was cut off as the room opened and Miguno and Jack came in, the latter wearing a crown of dark plum coloured winter roses.

“Just admit it Miguno, I’m better at Smash then you.” The Labrador said laughing.

“Nuh, I beat you last week remember? You pouted all night afterwards.” The hyena bit back smirking.

“Well I’ll just have to prove it –“ Jack’s response was cut off by the door slamming open, and the last three residents of the dorm coming in. Immediately, Bill excitedly started shouting, hopping from one foot to the other.

“Guys, guys! I learned the best word today, it’s really cool!” the tiger’s ecitetment got stares from the others except for Collot and Legoshi, who just chuckled as they took their coats and shoes off.

Smiling, Jack asked “What is it?”

Taking a breath, Bill then shouted at the top of his voice. “FFFUUUUUCCCKKK!!! FUCK! Fuckity fuck!” giggling at the dumbstruck expression on the Labrador’s face, and the muffled cries of “What are you kid’s doing” from other rooms.

Jack’s horrified expression caused everyone else in the room to laugh as he launched into a rushed dressing down of Bill. “That’s a bad word Bill, you can’t use it! You could get in trouble! Please don’t use it in any essays!”

Bill continued to chant his new favourite word to Jack’s displeasure, which only grew as the other boys started to teasingly shout it out as well.

“C’mon guys! Stop using it, we will get in trouble if you use it! Jack tried to persuade them to stop to no avail. Smirking, Legoshi called out “Hey Jack. Fuck”.

The horror on Jack’s face turned to rage as pounced onto a cackling Bill, knocking him to the ground. “Stop corrupting Legoshi!”.

A month later, at spring Bio week.

This Bio week was weird for Bill. Whereas previously he and the other first year big felines had been showered in affection and attention for “having to put up with those dumb dogs” now he was alone except Tau, the panther he and Legoshi had befriended in the drama club. Anytime they approached any groups, regardless of age or species they would be ignored, and briskly told they were not wanted if they persisted in trying to join in.

It had been several hours now, and Bill was pissed, Tau was trying to calm him down when a shadow loomed over them, they turned. A large tiger who looked similar to Bill, easily at least twice their height with a unpleasant smirk had come up behind them and grabbed Bill.

“C’mon cuz, we got to talk, especially as you got Ma, your own aunt sent to jail you Rex dammed disgrace.” The tiger, Bill’s cousin Sam said, kicking Tau down as he tried to pull Bill out of the teenagers grasp before running off with him.

-----

Legoshi grinned, tail wagging as he entered the drama club room and ran up to Tem who was talking with Elis and Rizz. The bio week session with the guys had been fun, especially as he had actually felt more confident in joining in with the various games with the other canines, and even managed to get the courage to apologise to the other wolf students from hiding from them at the previous events. There was the usual small talk, but Legoshi slowly withdrew from it more and more as his old anxiety started to build up again as more time had passed without any sign of Bill.

“Anyone know where Bill is? He normally doesn’t miss this for anything, and he was fine this morning” he asked, but everyone murmured they hadn’t. Concern growing for his dormmate, the wolf looked around, and spotted Tau uncharacteristically hanging back in the corner, seemingly studying the floor.

Going over to Bill’s friend, he asked him if he knew where he was.

“N,no.. his cousin grabbed him and ran off, I tried to stop him but couldn’t, the teachers said it was just cousins being cousins..” The panther couldn’t lift his head up, the sheer sadness that filled his voice caused Legoshi to go up and hug him.

“We will look for him after this is over, the guys will help, Jack will know what to do, he always figures things out you know.” Legohsi said, trying to convince himself as much as Tau.

----

Gentle guitar music filled the garden, Miguno was practicing next to some rose bushes after having pruned them, enjoying the peace of the garden and focusing on the music. He could get this piece right except for one bit in the middle which no matter how many times he tried, he couldn’t quite get it to work.

Jack was beside him wearing his glasses, reading some textbooks for geography. He had just pulled out a notebook to make notes when a horrible stench hit his nose, causing both him Miguno to gag.

Looking up, they Bill belting it into the gardening shed, the door slamming behind him.

Miguno put down his guitar and ran over to the shed, stopping at the door when he heard Bill sobbing inside.

“Bill? What happened dude, are you okay?” The only response he got was continued sobbing, and after a minute he knocked on the door “Er.. I’m coming in Bill, I just want to help.”

The site and smell the Hyena got when he stepped in shocked him. Bill was curled against a large cupboard, his uniform a mess, bruises and small cuts visible, his head and tail soaked whilst the smell urine came off him.

Horrified, Miguno rushed to Bill, the tiger flinching and trying to bring his sobs under control. “S,s,s,sam.. he .. he said I, I smelled too m, much of dog a, and needed to be made a cat again..” Bill whispered, shivering.

Miguno threw himself at Bill and hugged him hard, causing Bill to freeze “He can’t get you, Rex that is so messed up.” He found himself crying, though just as much from rage as shock at what had been done to his dormmate, but not sure what to do.

Bill gradually uncurled and sat up, not leaving Miguno’s hold, still sniffing. “He.. he held my face and tail down in a toilet and flushed, h, his mates poured buckets of water and ice on me. I tried to fight back but Sam’s 15 and all his mates are so they just beat me down instead. Then said they had to get me smelling of cat again a, and pissed…”

“We’ll get them back somehow” Both of them jumped at Jack’s voice, neither having realised he had entered the shed, Miguno’s guitar on his back. Neither remembered having ever heard his normally bright and warm voice so cold or angry, the 13 year old’s body language radiating protective anger.

Taking a breath and closing his eyes, the lab then smiled weakly but warmly, and knelt before Bill, taking his hand in his “C’mon, let’s get you cleared up, I still have some of that fudge you guys got me for Rexmass and you can have some.”

__

Miguno texted the others, who met them at the showers after he and Jack had managed to get Bill washed and had brought the Tiger’s pajamas, the Canines forming a protective huddle around their tiger, Legoshi holding his hand, trying to distract Bill with bug facts.

As they got to their dorm, they found Tau nervously standing there, the young panther running up to them when he saw the group approach. “Bill! Are you okay! I’m so sorry I couldn’t stop him, please tell me your okay, is there anything I can do?” He spoke almost too fast to be heard, and other then Legoshi and Bill who knew him the room 701 members warily looked at Tau.

“You tried to stop him though, and you hung with me before even if it got you treated like fuck as well, thank you man.” Bill said, some of his usual confidence having returned to him and pushed out from the protective ring of canines to embrace Tau.

After they had gotten into the room, Tau still being anxious as he was dragged by the group onto Legoshi’s bunk, all of them other then Jack who pushed the battered second hand tv Collet had brought to the room after Christmas in front of it.

Handing a bar of fudge to Bill, who had been wrapped in blankets and currently had Legosh pressed up against him on either side, Voss on his left shoulder and a confused Tau in his lap, Jack sighed.

“I’m guessing if I put my vote to that stupid old dalek film Collet’s cousin sent him that wil help right?” The rest of 701 blinked, Jack never voted for any film Collet suggested, this was.. new.

Bill looked up from the bar of fudge which he had already half devoured, blushing “R, really?”

Grinning like his normal self, turned the tv on and settled next to Legoshi, leaning on the grey wolf. “Yeah, and Legoshi, you know those stink bugs you told me about a couple of years ago?”

“Halyomorpha halys? Sure what about them?” he replied, his tail becoming a blur in response to being asked the question.

[yeaimfishboi]

Stray Kids Reaction to You Getting Sick When You’re Stressed Out

Semi-Request (As in I made them request):  And for a request maybe skz reaction to you being getting sick when your stressed? It’s finals and whenever I get too stressed I get the stomach flu ! From  ☃️ Anon (aka @woojinsloves​)

A/N: Ok well here I am back to writing so bear with me. But also merry early Christmas my secret Santa anon!! Hopefully writing this get’s me back in the swing of things bc it’s been quite a long time. And also same, I tend to feel very sick when I’m stressed esp if I’m not sleeping well! Merry Christmas! I hope you have a great one!

Chan:

At first, he’s kinda just like... shocked? He sees you keeling over the toilet vomiting out your appendix he just kinda goes... blank. But then within a half a second he puts two and two together and realizes it’s stress. And honestly, this boy is a godsend. Somehow he knew the perfect ways to handle everything. He manages to help lower your stress, whether by helping you study, or talking to you, but he also manages to help with your sickies. He’s got soup, saltines, water, and a nice bowl for you in case of emergency.

Minho:

He was out of town when finals came around, and he knew that you get sick but he was hoping that you would pace yourself a bit. So when he sees you keeled over the toilet, he scolds you a little. But then proceeds to immediately set up the couch for you to rest on and prepares a little care station with everything you need, including very mild soup (that he bought, we can’t trust him to cook anything)

Changbin:

Boy would literally kiss your feet (but not really... well?.. nah) anything to make you feel better. He’s literally following your heels (like he’s a lost boy and you’re peter pan) everywhere you go. It may get annoying at times. However, he totally makes up for it. He holds your hair out of your face (if it's long enough) when you puke, he gives you cute lil forehead kisses, writes out flashcards for you, and gives you the biggest cuddles ever. 

Hyunjin:

Confused baby. You literally were not anywhere near sick 30 seconds ago. But then he brought up your finals and how many you had to do when you bolted off to the bathroom. Honestly, his brain probably went to the worst real fast (he probably thinks you’re dying), but slowly but surely, he realizes that it must have to do with finals. To confirm he asks and then decides he’s going to do anything he can to help. Not before slipping on his long-ass legs out of the bathroom.

Jisung:

He would absolutely no clue what to do. Does he take care of you because you’re sick? Probably not cuz he could get sick. Does he take you out for ice cream because you’re stressed? No, that would upset your tummy. Does he cuddle you until everything goes away? Well, he tried. You ended up bailing so you could puke. But eventually, it dawns on him. Maybe it’s because of exams! So what he decides to do is help you with studying (didn’t work), and then make sure you get a break.

Felix:

He probably spends most of his time trying to cheer you up with humor. He’s sending you baby Yoda memes at 2:48 am telling you to sleep, fortnite dances at your desk to distract you, he even did the splits in the kitchen hoping to get a giggle out of you. (Which it did because he inevitably ripped his pants). He 100% believes giggles are the best stress reliever, so he tickles you in hopes of a laugh. (Bad news it made your bowels explode... wow I’m gross)

Seungmin:

He probably makes a sarcastic comment about you waiting till the last moment to study, but then immediately feels guilty and apologizes. Since he’s a smart boy, he’s helping you with all your essays, and quizzing you on all your subjects. But he’s also being a caring boy, and cooking you all the right foods, giving you massages, and lots of hugs. He wants to do anything in his power to ease the burden on your shoulders and honestly, we love him for it.

Jeongin:

He may be young, but I feel like he just... knows and yet doesn’t? Like I feel like within a second he would know what is wrong, now does he know how to deal with it? Absolutely not. He knows that it’s because you’re stressed out, but he’s not going to have a single cell in his body that knows what to do. Unlike Jisung, he’s not overwhelmed with all the options on what to do but rather he has absolutely zero. So he ends up calling probably Chan who walks him through it step by step.

[darkgeminisworld]

This is gonna be a rant about a probably toxic friend so if you don't wanna read it, this is a heads up.

Okay so for several reasons, most of them being that I need to move on, I decided to write this lengthy rant about a friend I'm pretty sure will not be a friend of mine for much longer, which sucks bc he's almost my only irl friend but also feels good bc he's exhausting and I'm pretty sure he's also toxic.

I've met this guy like 6 and a half years ago, and we pretty much bonded over shared interests pretty fast. The first thing that bothered me was that he'd always be late, which would be absolutely fine if he'd been honest about it. But writing that it's five minutes until he's there and then showing up 30 minutes after that, or writing "I'm on your doorstep" and taking another ten minutes to show up, almost every single time, isn't, especially since I strained to be on time the first months (meaning I'd be too early bc my brain only does too early or too late, nothing in between). And his being late wasn't just 20 or 30 minutes, several times he was over an hour late. Oh, and once when we had agreed to meet he legit wasn't home and I waited around 2 hours, which I really should have held a grudge for back then and been way more pissed at him.

The second thing that bothered me was that he was way too nosy. He'd ask if I'm free to meet and play video games or whatever and whenever I said no he'd ask what I'm doing and if I can't manage my time another way to make time for him. And the thing is, not only did I not ask several times after he told me that he's busy that day, but I actively told him, several times over the course of about the last two years, that it bothers me and asked him to tone it down. My problem here is only that he didn't stop after I asked him to, bc before I told him and asked him, how was he supposed to know.

Coming out to him went well, though he did ask me whether I'm into him, which... No. Obviously it could've gone a lot worse, but still.

The next is more a small annoyance, a small itch, although it might have been a warning sign. He couldn't handle defeat very well. In most video games he was better, but he low-key aggressively denied it when I pointed out the win-lose ratio in my all-time favourite video game series and he'd try to cheat at other games. If it was only about him being competitive I'd understand, but that doesn't mean trying to rewrite the past by blatantly lying about it and ridiculing me for pointing out that that's bullshit, especially since it's only games, played for the fun of it.

We also went to the cinema sometimes, though if it had been up to him it'd have been way more often and that's another point where he really didn't let it go after getting a no. Whether he wanted to watch a horror movie after being told, several times, that I really don't like horror movies, or just the general question of whether we'd be going to the cinema, he'd ask again and ask what I'm doing, why did I not want to go, would another time be good, couldn't I ask my parents for money (which, to be fair, I could have. But I preferred not to bc back then it was really stressful bc we had to move and renovate and I just didn't wanna add more frustration if that makes sense? Plus I wanted to get my hands on some things, which required to save up) etc. Almost every time we did end up going, it was he who initiated it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I wanted to see some of the movies just as badly as he did, but... And if he can't even accept "no" from a friend of several years (also a 100% guy friend as far as he is aware bc I didn't start to address gender issues with him), I'm worried about other contexts with that word. Also we did some kind of text role play (just texting back and forth with OCs inserted into several fantasy works like the Inheritance Cycle, who would parttake in the storyline, no set rulebook or anything) and his characters did some questionable and even outright deplorable things and when I wanted his character to suffer consequences, he always wanted him to get away with it. Like, his idea for one of his characters "pranking" mine in reaction to a prank which in itself was a retaliation to his character's pranks was kidnapping and waterboarding my character. And he kept defending it as a prank and demanded that my character should just forgive his character, like... It really made (and continues to make) me wonder and worry just how much of his darker thoughts I don't know about. And I don't know how accurate it is but I once saw a post with a quote that went along the lines of "man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth." (btw I couldn't think of a satisfactory way to phrase it so I ended up looking up the quote and apparently it's from Oscar Wilde)

So I spent a fair amount of time arguing with him over that and trying to explain to the best of my ability why it was wrong, and for some time it went better.

Fast forward a few months to the blm protests or more specifically news coverage of it and info I sent him. He defended cops and blamed the protestors and even justified the atrocities of the cops, so that was the first instance where we had a huge fight. I practically drowned him in links and videos etc and some weeks into that I thought I'd managed to get through to him (Spoiler: I didn't really get through to him) so I kept it in mind but continued to have contact with him and everything (bc at the time I didn't know that I didn't really get through as much as I thought).

From there on it pretty much went downhill. We had been thinking about doing a trip to London for a few days (his idea but at the time I really wanted to go, it was around 2 years ago when I still practically worshipped that one author, she who must not be named) and to this very day he's not letting it go completely. Even though the pandemic puts lots of obstacles in the way and I have more important things to worry about, namely final exams and applications. Even though London is expensive as shit and I still have no way to earn money atm. And about the vacation, I finally canceled last summer (and gave the aforementioned reasons) and he completely lost his shit and got super aggressive, insulted me and tried to guilt-trip me into taking that back and agreeing to still go on that vacation with him. Then we got into another fight where he wanted me to cancel the vacation with my grandparents, which was already planned and booked and everything in order to make time for the vacation I'd already said I don't want to go on with him anymore and aggressively demanded (he didn't ask, he sent a demand and bombarded me with exclamation marks) to know when exactly I'd be going on vacation with them. Then he went offline after I refused and ignored the next few messages I sent him and only replied when I asked "what I'd I reconsidered my stance on the trip?". I mean, baiting him with that definitely was shitty of me, but the result showed that that was basically what he wanted, pressure me into still going on that vacation. That specific conflict had been going on for weeks, bc despite me telling him that it's counterproductive and detrimental to my mental health to increase the pressure and therefore my anxiety about getting a job to pay for the trip, he kept pressuring me while acknowledging that he's giving me lots of pressure and anxiety and even using that against me.

He also didn't acknowledge that most times we try to meet, he goes offline for hours before replying and disappearing again. That would be absolutely fine if he didn't accuse me of doing that, which btw is his standard technique and it took me a long time to realize that. He always tries to shift the blame to make me look like the one at fault, and he always, always demands that I apologize when we had a fight via WhatsApp.

And when I started enforcing my boundaries and telling him to stop asking again and again why I can't meet, what I'm doing, or demanding other explanations, he started to attack me for the kind of language I use, so when I'm ever so slightly sarcastic he immediately latches onto that and creates a new conflict.

But this still isn't all, oh no. He's also basically an ecofascist, and is fully okay with sacrificing social justice to save the environment, completely choosing to ignore that the people he's protecting are the ones at fault and that the ppl who contribute the least are the ones experiencing the hardest ecological consequences.

He's said multiple times that he thinks both sides are equally bad, in the context of left and right in general as well as antifascism and fascism and that he doesn't "condone the oppressed defending themselves with any means necessary" bc that, too, would include violence. He's defending the "right to free speech" even when right-wingers say really disgusting shit, he disagrees with prohibiting demonstrations of ppl who think that Corona is a hoax, he has zero empathy for ppl who are affected, who suffer long-term consequences from infections, not even for ppl who die from it (he literally said "people die anyway, that doesn't justify imprisoning everyone else") and somehow still thinks he has the moral high ground.

And the last bit he did was explaining to me, from his endocisallohet white guy perspective, how I'm "not discriminated against" bc gay ppl in my country can get married (only since 2017 btw) and when I, despite the fact that I shouldn't have had to and that it was a real blow to my mental health, wrote him a message that was almost the length of an essay, he calmly started to question my replies with the detachedness of someone who's discussing whether pineapple belongs on pizza and demanding further explanation. To top it off, he said that marginalized ppl have to always reply to everyone calmly and politely, no matter if it was offensive bc the person asking might be unaware of that. Otherwise, he said, everyone would be right to stop listening to us. Like, he literally said that we don't deserve human rights if we're not licking the boots of our oppressors if that way of thinking is followed through to the end.

I almost forgot, he also thinks that white ppl should have a say in whether something is a racist slur, or whether something is racist in general (we're both white, but at least I'm trying my best to unlearn what my upbringing taught me instead of being the cliché of the white person who goes "how dare you call me racist, I've never been more insulted in my whole life!", which is basically his reaction)

So up until this last fight, I conceded some ground to him to end the fights and keep him as a "friend" not only bc I feel horrible when I imagine losing one of my only irl friends but also bc I was hoping I could get through to him and educate him, to the best of my ability, on how to be a good ally to marginalized people. But the disregard with which he treats my explanations why the way he talked (wrote) about marginalized people is absolutely not okay and the fact that he just told me that he genuinely doesn't see how he did anything wrong even after I explained it to him in detail is just too much to bear at this point.

Oh, and while looking through the chat to prove him a liar I found that apparently, to him a promise is a promise, no matter whether it was given under pressure or voluntarily, so do with that what you will.

[rocksandrobots]

Of Rocks and Robots Ch. 6 - The Beach

Saturday had come and Varian and the rest of his new friends were all crowded in Wasabi's car. Wasabi had precisely enough room to fit six people, though perhaps a bit uncomfortably. He and Varian rode in the front seat, with Varian carrying Ruddiger in his carrying cage, while Hiro, Gogo, Honey Lemon, and Fred were squished together in the back seat. The robot, Baymax, was folded up inside his battery pack and tucked away in the trunk to make room. 

Apparently today was a holiday and they were all heading to the beach. Well in truth the actual holiday was on Monday, but Americans spent the whole weekend in celebration. Said holiday was Memorial Day and was meant to honor warriors who fell in battle. However, despite this somber origin, most considered the weekend to be the official start of summer and would mark the occasion with picnics, parties, and public swimming. 

For Varian and his friends though, this was the end of spring break. Starting on Tuesday, the university they now all attended would open back up and the summer semester would begin. The thought of which sent Varian's stomach churning with butterflies. He'd never been to school before and didn't know what to expect. He was filled with anxious excitement and to calm his nerves he looked out the car window to admire the scenery.

He'd been in this strange new world for a week now but he'd had little chance to admire it. For the past five days he'd been busy studying for his entrance exams for college. Passing the 'graduation' test in particular was important for gaining admittance into the school and Varian had to do some serious cramming to prepare for it. Squeezing twelve years worth of educational knowledge into his brain in less than a week.  

Fortunately Varian was very good at memorizing facts and all his new friends were on hand to help him. On Monday, Hiro had helped him gather up the study materials he'd needed and told him what to expect. Wasabi gave him practice tests throughout the week and helped him pinpoint the areas he was weakest in. He was pretty good with math and grasped most of the science quickly, with Wasabi being on hand to fill in the gaps, but he needed help in other less familiar subjects. 

Gogo had swung by on Tuesday and spent the whole day giving Varian a crash course in Social Studies, which was a combination of history, geography, and civics. 

Varian took a special interest in America's founding and it's chosen form of government, which was unlike anything he had heard of before. They had no king nor royalty of any kind. In fact the country was founded by people who committed treason and fought a war to overthrow their ruler, and who then put into place a democracy made up of elected representatives instead. It most closely resembled the government of ancient Rome, before Julius Caesar had taken over, but was expanded upon to encompass a vast kingdom, larger than even most empires. 

Varian had already thought San Fansokyo was an impressively large city, but was completely flabbergasted to know that not only was it not the largest city in the country, it wasn't even the biggest within its own providence; and there were fifty of these states that stretched across the continent from coast to coast with similarly massive metropolises in each. 

It was mind boggling and it took him sometime to wrap his brain around the concept. And that was just the tip of the iceberg, he also had to catch up with some four hundred odd years worth of world events on top of that. But Gogo was a patient teacher and she carefully broke down everything into manageable chunks, giving him timelines, charts, and maps for him to refer back to. By the end of the day he had perhaps learned more in those eight hours spent with her than he had in his whole sixteen years. 

On Wednesday, Fred had showed up to help Varian practice for the writing portion of the tests. He would have to complete two essays on any given subject for each of the two exams. Fred himself had actually completed one of the same tests, the S.A.T, just a few months ago and knew what the graders were looking for when it came to such essays. 

Mainly, they just wanted to know if Varian could follow the basic guidelines of writing; paragraphs and sentence structure, grammar, spelling, and his overall ability to form an argument on paper. All things Varian felt pretty comfortable with, but it was nevertheless a good refresher of those basics. Essay writing and thesis statements were apparently expected of any student attending higher education and he would have to write many during the course of his studies. 

Thursday, Honey Lemon stopped by to help Varian with Language Arts. Both tests would cover reading comprehension and even more grammar. Once again Varian was pretty comfortable with those two subjects, especially given the writing practice from the day before, and so they finished pretty quickly. Even with Honey Lemon adding in extra information about various important books and plays that had been written in the past four centuries, just in case any of them made it into the reading part of the exam. Though Shakespeare was still deemed the most influential even in this modern age. A fact which disappointed Varian; he personally thought Marlowe to be superior to the bard. 

"You don't even like Romeo and Juliet?" Honey Lemon asked aghast, "But it's sooo romantic." 

"But it's sooo stupid," Varian mockingly admonished with a laugh. Which in turn made Honey Lemon give him a not-so-serious pout. 

"Look, what was stopping them from just leaving together in the first place?" Varian explained his point. 

Honey Lemon opened her mouth to retort back but just as soon closed it again; she had never considered that question before. She screwed up her mouth in thought as she searched for a better answer. 

"Weeelll, sometimes it's hard to leave the only home you've ever known. Isn't that why you want to get back to your world?" She asked him.

Varian just stared at her for a moment, thinking of an answer to give that didn't allow him to explain his past in detail. Finally he said, "I wanna get back because my dad is there. I couldn’t care less about Corona itself." 

"You don't care at all?"

"It's just a bunch of buildings." He mumbled with a shrug, then he added, more assuredly, "What matters is the people in your life." 

"I guess," She replied, "all I know is that I had a hard enough time just leaving Sacramento. Even though it's only an hour and a half away and I can still see my family whenever. I can't imagine what it's like to be lost in a whole other world." 

Varian ignored her attempts to sympathize, not because he didn't appreciate the effort, but because he was ready to move on from the conversation. Instead he shut his eyes tightly and tilted his head back, trying to recall some of the new information he had recently learned. "Sacramento; that's the capital of California, right?" 

"Yeah. But don't worry, no one actually memorizes all fifty states and their capitals. I only know like twenty or so." She admitted.

"Oh, good." Varian breathed in relief. Soon both he and Honey Lemon were just giggling, happy to relieve the tension in the room.

"Oooh, you know what? I brought my make-up bag with me!" Honey Lemon suddenly exclaimed, and just like that all previous talk about literature and writing gave away to other subjects, mostly chemistry.

Honey Lemon made her own cosmetics. It was a passion of hers to find new, safe, and 'biodegradable' chemical compounds to replace some of the more toxic stuff on the market. 

"And absolutely no animal testing." She added in all seriousness. 

She even sold her wares over the internet, shipping them to customers as they ordered them, as a means of making money on the side. 

She poured out the contents of a rather large tote bag onto the floor and walked Varian through each item, what it was for, and how she had made it. Varian listened intently and even tried some of the stuff himself. 

He found he didn’t care much for lipstick nor cakey foundation, the texture was off putting to him. He also didn’t like anything with a heavy perfume. However, he did like the eyeliner and the black fingernail polish he had previously bought. He was still fascinated by the concept of synthesized polymers. 

They were both sitting on the floor, makeup strewn everywhere, laughing over nothing in particular, when Wasabi came home from his part-time job. Honey Lemon was in the middle of applying mascara to Varian’s eyes and he was trying his best not to blink but failing at it, which only sent both of them into more fits of giggles. Meanwhile, unnoticed by them both, Ruddgier had gotten into the powered blush and was making a mess in another corner of the room.

“I thought you two were studying.” Wasabi said with a hint of annoyance to his voice. He was tired from work and none too happy to find makeup scattered about his dorm room. 

“Sorry,” Honey Lemon tried to say through her laughter, “but we finished early and I’d promise to teach Varian how to paint his nails.” Varian held up his hand to show Wasabi his newly painted nails as a way of response. 

“That’s nice.” Wasabi replied back in a sarcastic tone. “Did you also teach the raccoon how to put on foundation?” 

That’s when they both finally noticed Ruddiger. Varian got onto his pet and went to clean up the mess, effectively ending the study/make-up session. 

The next day, Wasabi gave him two final practice tests and then it was time for him to take the real thing. He met Professor Granville at the school and, alongside a few other hopeful students, took the two tests. 

The first test, the S.A.T., went smoothly, but he wouldn’t know his actual scores until his answer sheet and essay were sent off to be graded. The graduation test however was taken over the computer and it took several hours to complete with a few breaks between parts. He felt he could have finished sooner had he had the chance to take the test using a pencil and paper instead, as he found the mouse and keyboard awkward. But the positive thing about using the new technology was that he got his scores back sooner. He managed to pass all the parts, even with him just barely scraping by on the Social Studies section. His official certification would come in the mail, the professor told him, but for all intents and purposes he now had a high school diploma. 

Which was apparently a big deal in this world. Earning a diploma was considered to be something of a rite of passage. Obtaining one meant you were ready to start entering the adult world and with it you could gain full time employment or seek higher education, like college. According to his friends, he should’ve been extra proud of this accomplishment since gaining a high school diploma at his age, while not unheard of, was unusual, and he had done it in less than a week when most took years to achieve it. 

To signify just how important this was, all his new friends threw him a party at the Lucky Cat. Even Aunt Cass had pitched in and made him a special dinner. It was something called ‘sushi’ and she typically prepared it for celebrations like this one; having cooked similar dinners for both Tadashi and Hiro when they had graduated high school as well.       

Varian was appreciative of her efforts, though he didn’t quite know what to make of the food itself. The ‘sushi’ consisted mostly of rice topped with raw fish wrapped in seaweed. The taste wasn’t bad but the texture of the uncooked seafood was weird to Varian. Fortunately, not everything was raw. There were different kinds to be had and Varian was able to pick out some that he did enjoy; ones stuffed with crab, egg, or just veggies. He especially liked the ‘dessert sushi’ made with tropical fruit.

He’d just finished recalling last night, when Wasabi loudly proclaimed, “We're here!” 

There were whoops and joyous yells in response from the various passengers and Varian looked out the front windshield to see the familiar blue streak that was the ocean just up ahead. Wasabi parked the car in the designated parking lot and then they all piled out of said vehicle and made their way down to the beachfront. 

The sandy beach was tucked in between two rocky cliffs and you had to walk down a wooden stairway to get to it. As he made his way down the stairwell, Varian could look out and see the expanse of dark blue ocean and lighter blue sky go on forever. It didn't look much different from Corona's coast. What did look different were the inhabitants. Corona's coastline was usually deserted save for the ports and the occasional fishing boat off in the distance, but here the beach was a mass of half naked bodies and swarms of vacationers enjoying the summer sun. Spread out along the sandy tolls were towels, blankets, folding chairs, and umbrellas of all sizes with scantily clad people lounging upon or underneath. 

Varian tried to remember Gogo's words from a week ago, about how this was deemed normal and not to bring himself to attention by starring. But everywhere Varian looked he was met with the sight of a lovely lady's long legs or a handsome lad's toned chest. Not looking was very much like asking a small child in a pastry shop to hold their nose and ignore the sweet smells of pies and cakes surrounding them. Fortunately, he was able to keep his composure long enough for them to reach the shore and find a spot to set up camp for the day; managing not to hold his gaze for too long on any one person or thing. 

They had brought a variety of towels and folding chairs of their own, along with a large parasol and ice chest full of food and drink for the day. Varian and Wasabi had spent that morning making sandwiches for everyone; tuna fish salad, sliced cucumbers with butter, jam mixed with a spread made from ground nuts, and some sort of mystery meat called 'baloney' paired with cheese. Varian couldn't figure out if said baloney was made from ham or chicken, as it didn't really taste like either, though it also didn't taste bad per-say. They also stored small bags of crispy fried potatoes, individually wrapped miniature cakes, and bottles of some sort of fizzy drink called 'soda' in the chest as well. Varian found the carbonated sugary drink to be odd but surprisingly tasty. 

While everyone was setting up Hiro unpacked Baymax from his portable charger, the robot inflated to full size again before stepping out, and Varian released Ruddiger from his carrier. The raccoon was grateful to be let out of the small cage at last and promptly snuggled up on one of the folding chairs under the sun to catnap. Varian didn't think the leash necessary as there really wasn't any place for his pet to run off to. 

Once done with setting up, the gang then proceeded to unpack the various toys and games they had brought along as well. There was a game you played with a net, like tennis, only you used your hands to pass a 'volleyball' over said net instead of a racket and you didn't want the larger ball to touch the ground at any point. They also brought a flat discus called a 'frisbee' which you threw from person to person. Gogo had with her a flat wooden board used to ride the waves that broke along the shore. Which she let Varian and her other friends try out for themselves. 

Varian however was not very good at any of these new sports. While he was fairly athletic, capable of running, climbing, and whatnot, he had never been the best at coordination. More often than not he'd simply trip and fall in his efforts to keep up with the ball or maintain his balance on the surfboard. 

Instead Varian found himself wandering off occasionally to try and strike up conversations with new people. He'd hadn't had a lot of social interaction while growing up, especially with others his age, and he wanted some practice before he started school in a few days. Hopefully to ease the awkwardness of being dumped in a world that he knew next to nothing about. 

However every time he'd smile at a pretty girl or make eye contact with a cute boy his age, his efforts to make small talk were sabotaged by some mishap or other. Either his own clumsiness would get in the way or he'd put his foot in mouth, as the saying goes. One particularly unfortunate incident involved him getting beaned in the back of the head from a misthrown volleyball while trying to chat up a couple of vacationing teens. Fortunately, his embarrassing failures at flirting would be followed by one of his new friends trying to engage him with some other activity so he was never left alone with his awkwardness for long. 

Swimming, sand castle building, more games; like 'chicken', where you tried to push one person off another person's shoulders into the water, or 'Marco Polo' where one person had to find the others with their eyes closed, using the ancient explorer's name as a call and response, digging for seashells, and other similar actives were to be had to pass the time away. 

Finally, the sun started to hang low in the sky and they all headed back to the car. They were wet, tired and covered in sand. They tried to knock the irritating substance off their shoes and things before all squeezing back into the ill fitting vehicle in order to head back home. They all sat on towels so as not to get the seats wet and their bathing suits and cover up clothes all clung to them dripping with sea water. 

Varian sat again in the front seat, only this time Honey Lemon had asked to hold Ruddiger on the ride back. She, Gogo, Fred, and Hiro were all fast asleep in the backseat with Baymax once again tucked away in his battery case. Wasabi had the radio on in order to keep himself awake as he drove (and to drown out Honey Lemon's snoring if he was being honest). The music that filtered out of the speakers was called 'classical' music, which just meant it was mostly orchestral music from ages past. To Varian it sounded very modern and sophisticated to his ears, like chamber music played for royal courts, not the more rustic folk music he grew up on. 

Right now a gentle suite with piano and strings was playing and it along with the steady motion of the car moving was beginning to lull Varian to sleep as well. He looked out again at the houses and scenery that passed by and thought of the day's events and the fun he had had as his eyes grew heavy. This world was so much more inviting and nicer than his own, it was a shame he'd have to leave it soon, but his Dad needed him and that was that. And with that final resolve Varian drifted off to dreamland.