#first of all. fuck you. not everyone can afford that. SECOND OF ALL. everyone in this room is a minor and you would know DAMN WELL

[grimmsbride]

▗▬̸̎͞/̄͆̅ ̎ ̎̿͞͞͞͞͞͞͞͞ι̚━─ ⠀ NYCTOPHILLIAC ⠀ ⠀ 𑄼ల۫ thanos / reader

getting caught up in thanos’s web was a mistake, especially when it interfered with your sleep.

𓂂 ͜ᩘ ̵̼͓̥͒̾͘𑣿 ⁣⁣⠀ TAGS unconsensual voyuerism (thanos & reader have sexual relations in her bed while everyone is asleep. even though they are asleep, i still put this warning because i know some people can get uncomfortable). ooc thanos (first time writing for him). oral sex (fem. receiving). porn no plot. mentions of past sexual relations. fingering. dirty talk. unrealistic expectations of quiet sex(?). overuse of pet names (senorita, mama, etc.) etc.

𓂂 ͜ᩘ ̵̼͓̥͒̾͘𑣿 ⁣⁣⠀ NOTES please heed the warning above as i would hate to make anyone uncomfortable while reading this fic. with that said please enjoy and i apologize for any grammar mistakes or typos.

Despite different games being assigned each day, it all felt the same — as if you had just stepped inside this odd room, surrounded by strangers that held far too many similarities with you. You couldn’t count the amount of times you flinched or teared up as you watched and heard bullets tear people apart, how their strangled cries escaped in a last ditch effort to somehow convince the ruthless guards to spare them. You nearly screamed yourself when blood hit your cheek, tainting the already sweaty area — which you gingerly cleaned up the moment you got time to.

You somehow survived, in just the nick of time too. You wondered if you had any right to be happy for your victory, or you should be remorseful for all the lives lost today. You pondered it for a complete moment before deciding doing so was useless, and not impertinent to your current situation.

Getting out with enough money was of the upmost importance, nothing more and nothing less.

Which is why you were quick to settle into bed the moment the opportunity arose, slipping out of your socks and jacket, pulling the blanket up over yourself, and shutting your eyes. The world around you seemed to cease — aside from the old man’s snoring beside you — your body melting into the mattress. Sleep was the only comfort you could afford to cling to in this situation, anything else was an unnecessary distraction.

Including the one that stood infront of you, taking form as a purple-haired devil.

You never intended to get entangled with any of the other contestants. You could smile and cheer together, but it wasn’t a secret how quickly that relationship could turn sour. Mixing any type of deeper attachments just seemed like a bad idea.

But you fucked up horribly, one thing leading to another, with you in the arms of a man named Thanos, who said just the right words at the time.

You promised yourself that one time was it, you wouldn’t slip up again. You couldn’t afford to slip up anyway.

“Thanos.. go away.” You murmured, courteous of the other contestants around you. You wondered if the two of you were the only ones awake.

Through the dimmed room you could spot Thanos tilting his head, elbow pressing against your bed as he leaned closer.

“C’mon don’t be like that.. just checking on you.”

You rolled your eyes, growing more frustrated by the minute. You desperately wanted sleep- actually, you needed it. You refused to suffer the next morning, especially since your life was literally on the line. You adjusted your pillow, basically staring daggers into the man.

“I’m fine, now, go to your own bed—“

“And.. I’m also cold.”

You blinked rapidly, nearly slapping that stupid smile right off his face. You decided to turn your back to him, ignoring that soft sound of disapproval he released.

“Wear your jacket or something.. hell— steal your friend’s blanket. Just let me sleep.”

You chose to ignore the second sound he released, which seemed to be an unusually pitiful whine, mixed with an obnoxious groan. You wanted to tell him off for his volume, but decided not to— trying to seem as stern as possible so he could finally leave you alone.

But Thanos wasn’t the type to let up, something you quickly learned the moment you met him. Seeing as his fingers began to graze your blanket, rising closer just so his lips were hovering over your ear.

“But you’re right here.. can’t we share some warmth until morning? You wouldn’t want me to freeze, right?”

Thanos’s words were tempting, as usual. Whether you liked to admit it or not, he knew just what to say. Which is why you called him a devil, a sickening demon with that silver tongue.

You bit the inside of your cheek, desperately trying to fight mind over matter. Not only was this bad for your sleep, you were also at risk for breaking some unknown rule. And if you got shot over cuddling, you would definitely haunt this place like a vengeful spirit.

But in the end you gave in, the reason fleeting at the moment. You could only focus on the fact he would hopefully shut up when he got what he wanted. So, wordlessly, you brought up the blanket behind you; hearing his small giddy voice as he climbed in with you.

At least the man was nice enough to allow most of the blanket to cover you, the rest of your exposed self covered by his larger frame. Thanos made quick work of wrapping his arm around your waist, tugging you closer to him as his face found your neck.

“You have to leave before morning.”

Whether acknowledging you or not, the man just let out a hum, lips treading across your warm skin in the process. With a shiver you attempted to focus on sleep, admitting to yourself that the extra warmth was comforting. It also allowed you to truly relax, knowing your back was covered— literally.

Your hand found the back of his, fingers spreading along it as your eyes settled shut. You felt your self slipping in slowly, body growing heavier as that relaxation began to reach its peak.

Only to tumble down the moment you felt a thumb play at the waistband of your pants.

“Thanos..”

“Hm?”

You slowly turned your head, tight-lipped and squinting at him through the darkness. “Don’t fucking hm, me— what are you doing?”

The shit-eating grin that developed was telling, his thumb now slithering under your shirt and rubbing small circles into your skin.

“Not a thing.. yet.”

“We’re supposed to be sleeping!”

The man was quick to raise his free hand, placing a taunting finger to his lips. “Don’t wake the others Señorita, that’ll be just plain rude.” The circles on your skin continued, Thanos closer as his lips brushed against your own yet didn’t fully touch.

“This will help you sleep better. Erasing alll your worries in the blink of an eye.” He breathed, eyes flicking low as if attempting to see beneath the blanket. Instead his hand did the seeing for him, fingers breaching your pants and underwear; tips stroking your soft cunt. He couldn’t help the little twitch of a smile the moment he felt you release a strangled breath, using two long fingers to spread you open to his hand.

And when your lips parted to speak, his own covered them; a gentle kiss that caused your mind to grow dizzy. You couldn’t help your legs spreading, hand wrapping around Thanos’s wrist the moment you felt him at your clit. He rolled his thumb so perfectly, applying delicious pressure to the little bud that caused you to see stars.

The moment you needed to breathe you regretted leaving his lips, seeing as you struggled to keep your voice down. He wasn’t even touching you much yet here you were, panting and releasing the softest moan. With a quick raise of your hand, you covered your mouth— teeth biting into the flesh the moment you felt a finger slowly sink into your wetness.

“Wish I could see..” The soft comment made you groan softly, hips rising the moment he began to piston his finger. Within moments a second was joining, scissoring you open and plunging deeper then your own fingers could. Your eyebrows knitted close, the pain of your bite washing away with each thrust of his digits.

“Thanos.. please..”

“Oh no.. keep your voice to yourself— I wouldn’t want anyone else to hear how pretty you sound.”

As usual his words held such a teasing tone, face moving back to your neck to kiss and bite gently. Even with his small request the man wasn’t making the situation any easier, especially when his thumb moved right back to your sensitive clit; rubbing those same dizzy inducing circles.

You felt way too good right now, your body practically shaking with how much you struggled to keep in. The thought of anyone waking up right now with you in this state — under the mercy of a certain purple-haired, tattooed rapper — was a thought you couldn’t even imagine without your heart pounding with anxiety.

The best thing to do would be to push him off before things progressed. You hadn’t a clue how far he wanted to take this, nor did you think it would end in time for the lights to cut on. And Thanos wasn’t a creep, he would listen to you the moment you expressed actual discomfort from the situation. But you weren’t, that pain you felt all day, that anguish; did truly wash away in seconds just from the flick of his fingers.

The thrusts against your velvety, soaked walls were perfect— your eyes rolling to find your skull the moment the ferocity increased. A metallic taste invaded your mouth from how bad you were biting yourself, but you didn’t care; it was a concern for morning [Name], not horny [Name] who was currently being cared for by the hottest contestant in this god forsaken place.

“Oh, all this clenching— you’re close aren’t you? Can barely get my fingers out.”

The smile in his speech was obvious, breath fanning against your skin as he urged you more and more; curling his fingers just right to hear your muffled sounds peak into a small squeal.

Your nails dragged across his tattooed hand, feeling it flex with each movement of his fingers. Your mind was growing cloudy, barely being able to register the words that were being pressed right against your ear.

“How about I get a taste, huh? Wanna come all in my mouth, mama.. it’ll be such an easy clean up.”

Before you could even think to speak Thanos was pulling his hand out from within you. You had little time to protest when you felt him grabbing your blanket, pulling it over his body as he crawled down your own. Your eyes slowly widened, realizing his words and actions; a new sheen of sweat finding your skin. Your nerves were on fine at this point, inner mind screaming to tell him to do anything else but that.

However, the moment you felt him pulling down your pants and his lips finding your pretty cunt, all hope was lost. The back of your head quickly found your pillow, hand going right back to your mouth to bite down even harsher than before. His tongue exited his mouth in a long stride, gliding across your wet center, and parting you easily.

Thanos created similar ministrations with the tip of his tongue like his thumb, circling your bud and slowly pulling it between his lips. There, he began to suck, the sound noisy but muffled by your blankets and other’s snoring.

Muffled gasps pushed against your skin, hips rising and legs closing around his head; bringing him even closer to you. The peak that was steadily approached seemed to pick up speed far too quickly, your mind turning to mush.

No more were you number so-so, victim to madmen and their sick games. No, you were simply [Name], moaning wantonly with little care for the environment around you.

Your other hand slithered under the blanket, finding his hair and tugging the soft tresses; feeling them stick between the gaps of your fingers. Shamelessly you rubbed against his face, desperate for that sweet release. Your pussy convulsed with each struggled breath you took, stars impeding your vision as you got closer and closer.

You felt it before you heard it, Thanos’s sweet urges right into your pussy. His wet words of make me a mess, pretty girl— don’t hold back on me now, causing you to tip over the line.

His mouth latched to you, drinking up your release as if you tasted better than any drug within his cross. It didn’t help he was practically praising your taste, a sloppy groan being delivered right into your pussy. Gingerly, Thanos licked you clean, assuring not a single drop was left.

Only when the man was fully satisfied did he let up, climbing up from the blanket and popping his head out to look down at you.

“See, it helped— you can barely keep your eyes open right now.”

You released a soft breath, a mix of a chuckle and a sigh as you stared up at the man. “You gonna let me sleep now?” You spoke softly, watching his wet lips curl into a gentle smile.

“Of course. Good night, [Name].”

[helioooss]

i. when i close my eyes, you replace him

synopsis: after a rare drunken night, y/n wakes up in bed next to the most untouchable girl at yonsei: karina. she’s immediately thrown into a mess she never wanted, torn between her own moral compass and the undeniable pull of something she doesn’t understand. some lines, once crossed, can never be undone.

w/c: 5k+

warnings: heavy cheating, implied sex, alcohol, smoking, just normal uni stuff, swearingggg, slow burn

a/n: hi, had to separate it into multiple parts. hope u all enjoy this one even though its been awhile. ps. i don’t condone cheating lmaooo + the song below really sets the tone

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

vanilla, maybe a little jasmine.

something expensive, like the kind of perfume you would smell in those fancy department stores where the sales assistants look at you like they know you can’t afford anything.

it lingers in the sheets, in the air, in your skin.

a slow, relentless throb sits at the base of your skull and your mouth is dry. you blink against the dim morning light filtering through your blinds, the remnants of last night still a haze in your mind.

and then it hits you.

your body is bare under the sheets. no clothes. nothing. but someone is warm against you.

long, dark hair sprawls across the pillow next to you, silky strands cascading over an exposed shoulder. her skin is pale, smooth, untouched by the morning light yet glowing like it holds its own. your breath catches. her back is turned to you, slow, steady breaths rising and falling beneath the sheets. peaceful.

completely unaware that your entire world is about to collapse.

your first thought: who the fuck is this?

your second (in denial) thought: why the fuck are you naked?

your brain is too fogged over to piece together what happened, probably mushed from all the alcohol you had last night.

you swallow, slowly — very, very slowly, propping yourself up on one elbow. your hands shake as you pull the blanket up over your chest, as if that’ll somehow make this situation better.

carefully, cautiously, like you’re disarming a bomb, you lean forward to get a look at the stranger’s face.

and then your stomach drops straight to hell.

karina.

karina?!

you don’t even need a second look. you’ve spent enough time at yonsei university hearing about her, seeing her, watching her float through campus like she’s too good for the ground everyone else walks on.

you slam back against the mattress like you’ve been shot.

she’s untouchable. too cool. too pretty. and currently in your bed. naked.

she looks impossibly pretty even in sleep, long lashes resting against her skin, lips slightly parted, collarbones peeking from beneath the covers. your heart lurches into your throat.

what the fuck.

this is it. this is how you die.

your breath is stuck in your throat as you practically fling yourself out of bed, scrambling for any piece of clothing within reach. you don’t even check if they’re yours — you just yank them on, hopping on one foot as you try to shove your legs into something, anything, all while keeping an eye on her sleeping form like she might wake up and smite you on the spot.

somehow, by some miracle, she doesn’t stir.

you do not have time to ask yourself why she is here, nor do you have the time to remember that she has a boyfriend who could break you in half with his bare hands.

all you know is you need to get the fuck out.

without a second glance, you dart out of your room, sprinting down the stairs so fast you nearly trip over yourself.

the first thing you see is giselle standing by the stove, flipping bacon with the ease of someone who’s used to cleaning up after her drunk friends.

the second thing your eyes fall upon are yunjin and ryujin sitting at the table, looking like they’ve personally been dragged through the depths of hell.

“i hate the smell of eggs,” ryujin grumbles, forehead resting on the table. “why couldn’t you make pancakes?”

giselle barely spares her a glance. “because i’m not your mother and you’re lucky i’m even feeding you.”

before ryujin can argue, you come to a screeching halt in the middle of the kitchen, eyes wild, hair a mess, voice a strangled whisper-yell: “chat, what the fuck.”

yunjin peeks up from where her face is buried in her arms, squinting at you like you’ve personally offended her. “what now? turn that volume down, please.”

“i’m fucking whispering, you idiot!” you grumble, staring at her, breathless. then just point — frantic, shaking towards your room upstairs.

giselle pauses mid-bacon flip. “okay, that’s terrifying…i see we’re not using words anymore. what exactly happened?”

“how about i ask the questions: what happened last night?” you demand, voice breaking slightly. “tell me, now.”

ryujin lets out a long, dramatic groan. “can you not? my head is killing me.”

“i’m serious,” you hiss, eyes darting between them. “i don’t remember anything, but i woke up and —” you lower your voice to a whisper. “just fucking tell me.”

“no clue,” ryujin mutters, rubbing her temples. “this is why we don’t let her drink because she fucking tweaks like she’s in philadelphia the morning after.”

“you were drinking,” yunjin says, ignoring the comments from ryujin. “like, a lot. i think you even beat the devil in shots, which is insane because she has a liver made of steel.”

“but —”

giselle suddenly chimes in, flipping a piece of bacon with a little too much force. “oh, wait. i did see you. weirdly enough, you were with karina.”

your blood runs cold.

“what?”

she just shrugs. “yeah, i was talking to minjeong and ningning when you guys walked past us. both of you were drunk as fuck. she said you were gonna show her a guitar collection or something?”

you stare at her, horrified.

“i don’t own a guitar collection,” you whisper. “i can’t even play the guitar!”

“yeah, i know,” giselle raises a brow, arms crossed. “so…?”

yunjin, still groggy, suddenly gasps, eyes going wide as she claps a hand over her mouth. “no fucking way.”

giselle follows her gaze — to your neck.

“oh my god,” she breathes, staring at the faint red marks trailing down your skin.

ryujin tries to stifle her giggle with a cough, failing miserably.

“not funny,” you snap, panic rising in your throat. “jaewook is going to kill me.”

yunjin’s jaw drops open so fast you’re worried it might unhinge like a snake. “is it really karina?” she repeats, eyes wide.

“karina,” you confirm, still whispering like the walls might have ears.

“as in the karina?” giselle asks slowly, voice laced with disbelief. “my friend karina?”

“no, as in some other random karina — yes, the karina. her boyfriend is gonna bury me in that damn field!”

“okay, let’s not be dramatic,” yunjin adds, but there’s clear amusement in her voice.

“not dramatic? not dramatic?” you echo, voice bordering on hysteria. “jennifer, i woke up naked next to karina, who has a psycho boyfriend twice my size, and i don’t even remember how i got there!”

“…well, when you put it like that.”

“oh my god,” you whisper, gripping your head. “i’m actually going to die.”

there’s silence for a hot minute, minds reeling in escape routes, until giselle, ever the problem solver, crosses her arms. “we lie.”

you blink. “excuse me?”

“we lie,” she repeats. “when she wakes up, we pretend you were never in that bed. you slept on the couch. she passed out alone. nothing happened.”

you stare at her like she’s just suggested setting yourself on fire. “that’s your plan?”

“do you have a better one?”

you press your lips together as you run your hand over your face.

“exactly,” giselle says in that tone, clapping her hands together. “so, when karina wakes up, she never saw you in that bed. you were never there. simple.”

this is the worst morning of your entire life.

as you throw yourself onto the couch like a corpse with your arms folded over your chest, your angel of a dorm mate pulls a blanket up to your chin.

“see, like clockwork,” giselle adds with a sly smirk.

your mind is a tangled mess of panic, regret, and complete and utter confusion. you close your eyes, willing yourself to relax — to sell this whole i slept on the couch act but your heart is hammering so loudly in your ears that it’s impossible to focus on anything else.

your brain refuses to shut up, a million thoughts crashing into each other at once, all from the absolute catastrophe that was waking up naked next to yonsei university’s golden girl with no recollection of how or why.

you are not the kind of person this happens to. you are top of your law class, notoriously composed, the one who actually plans things, the one who does not let emotions — or tequila —cloud her judgment.

point of the matter is…you don’t do stupid, reckless, irreversible things.

this was supposed to be a quiet weekend.

but no. because yunjin and ryujin can’t go one saturday without throwing a party, and because you are unfortunately their dormmate, you had no choice but to exist in the war zone that was your shared space. you should have locked yourself in your room, noise-canceling headphones on, ignoring the chaos.

but then ryujin had come along with just one tequila shot, which probably turned into just three, which turned into a complete and total blackout.

your eye twitches.

this is her fault.

and now, here you are. pretending to be asleep, willing the universe to undo the last twelve hours.

you almost laugh. not because it’s funny, but because it’s so fucking absurd that you don’t know what else to do.

karina, the karina, the closest thing yonsei university has to a deity. the kind of girl who walked through campus like the world existed for her entertainment, who made everything look effortless, who made people stupid just by looking at them. she was untouchable, unreachable, unattainable. and yet —

somehow…

she had ended up naked in your bed.

you grip the blanket tighter, your stomach churning.

and jaewook.

god, jaewook.

if karina was a deity, jaewook was her devoted disciple. if she so much as sneezed, he would probably donate a lung.

they were that couple, the one that made people gag from how perfect they seemed. and he was loyal. so loyal that it made you sick sometimes, the way he looked at her like she was the only person in the world.

what the fuck happened last night?

your brain tries to piece it together, but there’s nothing. no flashes of memory or drunken conversations replaying in your head, not a moment where you could have possibly imagined this happening.

the couch dips suddenly, and you nearly jump out of your skin.

your muscles go rigid.

no. no, no, no —

“dude.”

oh, for fuck’s sake.

“go away, ryujin,” you mutter, eyes still squeezed shut.

“no, no, no,” she whispers, and you don’t even need to look at her to know she has the most punchable grin on her face. “i need you to open your eyes and look at me so i can personally watch your soul leave your body.”

“not happening.”

“you —” she pauses for dramatic effect. “hooked up with karina.”

your jaw clenches. “shut the fuck up.”

“no, because, you hooked up with karina.”

“i swear to god, ryujin —”

“you —”

you slap a hand over her mouth, cutting her off before she can cause any more psychic damage. “if you say it out loud, it becomes real, and i am not ready for that kind of responsibility.”

she peels your hand off, grinning so hard it physically hurts to look at. “i cannot believe this. you, of all people.”

“what the fuck does that mean?”

“it means,” she waves a hand, “you’re, like, the most socially unavailable person i’ve ever met. you voluntarily do your readings before class. you say no to, like, everything. you have a permanent ‘do not disturb’ sign on your face. and yet —”

“stop.”

“— you managed to bag karina.”

you groan, pulling the blanket over your face. “go. away.”

“so, like, was she good?”

“what the actual fuck is wrong with you?”

before she can push any further, the sound of soft footsteps echoes from the stairs.

the dorm goes silent.

your heart stops.

you and ryujin lock eyes. hers are wide with excitement. yours are filled with sheer panic.

giselle’s voice comes first, casual, like this is just another normal morning. “morning, hottie.”

then, the one voice you really didn’t want to hear right now — soft, smooth, effortlessly composed. “good morning.”

your pulse nearly explodes out of your chest when you hear giselle moving around the kitchen, probably pouring herself coffee like this isn’t the biggest crisis of your life. “did you sleep okay?”

karina hums. “yeah. i think? i don’t really remember how i got where i was, though.”

your stomach turns.

ryujin is staring at you, holding back a laugh.

giselle, the absolute hero, keeps it cool. “oh, you were super drunk. you passed out on y/n’s bed. that’s why she’s on the couch.”

a pause.

a long one.

you swear you can hear karina thinking. “right,” she finally says, but it’s hesitant. something in her voice tells you she doesn’t completely buy it.

“hey,” she continues. “did minjeong and ningning get home safe?”

“yeah,” yunjin jumps in, voice faltering. “giselle got them an uber last night.”

“oh, good,” she exhales. “thanks for the hospitality. and tell y/n thanks for letting me sleep on her bed. i have to rush out and check on the girls. promise i’ll make it all up to you later on!”

oh, fuck off.

you squeeze your eyes shut harder, willing yourself to look as asleep as humanly possible.

you stop breathing.

she still thinks you’re asleep, still thinks you’re innocent.

you can almost hear giselle smile. “of course. anytime, love. message me when you get home.”

there’s movement, the rustling of fabric, the faint click of a phone being picked up. she is finally leaving.

the front door opens, then clicks shut.

one.

two.

three.

“holy fucking shit!” ryujin yells as slaps your arm so hard you nearly fall off the couch.

“ouch! what the fuck,” you hiss, rubbing your arm as you glare at her.

“you got away with it,” she grins, like she’s proud of you.

“got away with what? i don’t even know what happened!”

yunjin strolls over, sipping a glass of water like this is so entertaining for her. “guys, she knows something is off.”

you groan, shoving your face into the pillow because she definitely did. “do not say that.”

“she totally does,” she insists. “she hesitated. did you hear that? the pause? she knows.”

“she doesn’t know know,” giselle corrects her. “and that’s what matters.”

ryujin flops dramatically onto the floor, still grinning like a maniac. “you. and karina. i’m never getting over this.”

“i don’t even know what ‘this’ is!” you exclaim. “i blacked out.”

yunjin smirks. “so romantic.”

“maybe you guys had, like, a deep emotional connection before passing out,” ryujin says. “soulmates typa shit.”

“oh my god, i will murder all of you.”

“you already tried last night,” giselle says. “you nearly threw up on my shoes.”

you groan, throwing your arm over your face. “this is the worst day of my life.”

“yeah, okay,” ryujin grins. “until karina walks through that door next weekend again.”

you go completely still. oh, fuck. this is far from over.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

the rest of the weekend is hell. before this, your life had been simple. structured. predictable.

you were y/n, top of your law class, the human embodiment of do not disturb, an over-caffeinated, emotionally unavailable machine built for academic success.

there was a system in place: study, work, sleep, repeat. everything in its place, nothing left to chance. you weren’t the type to get involved in drama.

and yet here you are.

ryujin, yunjin and giselle have turned your dorm into a psychological battlefield, launching attacks when you least expect it.

a whistle when you pass by. a ‘hmm’ when they look at your neck. giggles when you so much as breathe in their direction.

but the worst part?

the comments.

“y/n, i think you need a turtleneck collection. just a thought.”

“she really got you, huh? didn’t take karina as the possessive type, but here we are.”

“you’re one step away from being branded. guys, should we get her a collar, or?”

“oh, c’mon,” ryujin sighs dramatically, “at least own it. let the world know karina claimed you as hers.”

you nearly threw a shoe at her for that one.

but you don’t give them the satisfaction of reacting. you shut down, as you always do when life throws something stupid at you. you focus on your assignments, make your coffee extra strong and ignore the laughter that follows you through the dorm like an inescapable curse.

so when your phone buzzes on sunday with a text from your “coworker” (he owns the place), taehyung, you see your chance for freedom.

-

from taehyung:

bro im sick can u cover my shift

sent 1:04 PM

-

you scoff. sick. right. you saw him last night at the party, downing soju like it was a hydration challenge.

-

to taehyung

hangover ≠ sick

but sure

anything to get away from this dorm.

sent 1:05 PM

-

you grab your hoodie, sliding into your shoes as you make a beeline for the door. predictably, ryujin and yunjin notice.

“where are you going?” yunjin asks, sprawled on the couch like a queen surveying her kingdom.

“away from you.”

ryujin snorts. “so dramatic.”

you ignore her, then frown. “where’s giselle?”

“oh,” she grins. “you know, at karina’s dorm like almost always.”

you freeze for half a second. “why?”

“to see minjeong and ningning and karina,” yunjin says, yawning. “those girls never get hangovers after our weekends. it’s unfair.”

you swallow down the inexplicable discomfort that sentence gives you, then mutter, “good for them.”

“did you put your collar on?” ryujin asks, bursting into a fit of laughter with yunjin as they push each other.

“fuck off!” you yell out, slamming the door shut before they can make another claiming joke.

your job at the vintage clothing store is normally a blessing.

it’s tucked away on a quiet street, away from the chaos of campus, filled with racks of old designer pieces, shelves of worn-in leather boots and stacks of vinyl records no one under 30 knows how to use. it smells like aged fabric, dust and the occasional whiff of espresso from the café next door.

most times, you get to be alone with your thoughts.

unfortunately, your thoughts are the last thing you want to be alone with today.

you spend the first half-hour making small talk with taehyung who dragged himself in just to swap shifts with you and give you a mini-handover (he insisted), despite looking like death warmed him.

“so,” he groans, leaning against the counter as you check inventory, “what did i miss last night?”

you barely glance at him. “you were at the party. how would i know?”

“yeah, but i blacked out before midnight. you seem alive, so i’m guessing you didn’t go that hard.”

“you know i don’t go hard at those parties,” you stare at the register, gripping the pen in your hand a little too tightly. “but yeah, sure, something like that.”

“huh,” he yawns, stretching his arms out. “any gossip?”

“no.”

he eyes you. “you’re lying.”

“i’m working.”

“so am i.”

“you’re standing there doing nothing.”

“it called assisting,” he points out, crossing his arms. “i’m technically your boss so you i can just stand here.”

you sigh. “just go home, taehyung.”

he salutes lazily, finally giving up on trying to get information out of you as he dragged himself out of the store, and finally, you’re alone.

but time moves painfully slow when you’re avoiding your own thoughts.

you try to make it pass by putting together outfits, pulling pieces from different racks, layering coats over sweaters, setting aside things you think might sell well. you tell yourself you’re being productive, but the truth is, you’re distracting yourself.

because no matter what you do, she lingers in your mind. bits and pieces of the night are starting to return. flashes of moments, like someone slowly restoring a corrupted file.

karina approaching you in the balcony, taking a shot with you and ryujin, her lips curling around the rim of the glass.

you grip a hanger a little too tightly.

what the fuck were you two even talking about? why did she even approach you?

your stomach twists, but before you can spiral any further — the bell above the door jingles.

you glance up, prepared to do the usual “welcome, let me know if you need anything,” but then, your soul leaves your body.

because walking into the store, looking like they just stepped out of a perfectly curated instagram post, are the last people you want to see.

minjeong. ningning. giselle.

and —

karina.

“oh,” ningning grins, like she already knows she’s about to have the time of her life. “look who it is.”

“y/n!” giselle beams, like she wasn’t just at your dorm this morning, cackling at your misery. “what a coincidence. i thought you had the day off?”

karina just looks at you, eyes sharp with some unreadable emotion and you swear you forget how to breathe. your throat is so dry.

“what are you doing here?” you ask, voice slightly higher than usual because you sure as hell know ryujin and yunjin called her. “i took a shift from taehyung.”

“y/n, we’re shopping,” minjeong says innocently, scanning the store. “this is a store, right?”

you clear your throat. “yeah but —“

“aw,” ningning coos, “is someone grumpy? hungover? woke up on the couch?”

“i’m working,” you say through gritted teeth, feeling heat rise to your cheeks. they definitely know something.

“sure you are,” giselle smirks. “totally wasn’t just staring off into space before we came in.”

you force yourself to inhale. exhale. normal. be normal. but you can feel karina’s gaze burning into you, like she’s waiting for something.

you shift awkwardly. “…do you guys need help finding anything?”

ningning grins. “yeah, actually, i think we need a very high-necked sweater. maybe a scarf. or, ooh, maybe a better concealer.”

“whatever yizhuo, it’s a fucking rash,” you huff out, sit at the front desk, fingers hovering over the laptop keyboard, trying to look as busy as humanly possible.

but it’s impossible to focus when, just a few metres away, they are giggling.

little snickers, hushed whispers, the kind of laughter that’s definitely about you. you don’t even have to look up to know it’s happening. every few minutes, you feel their gazes flicker in your direction, lingering just long enough to make your ears burn.

and it’s killing you.

because you are trying to reply to customer enquiries, you really are. but how is anyone supposed to focus when the four most dangerous people in your life are shopping in your store like they own the place?

the worst part is how casual they’re being.

“does this scream rich housewife or rich housewife going through a scandal?” ningning muses, throwing an expensive-looking fur coat over her shoulders.

“scandal,” minjeong replies without looking up from a rack of leather jackets. “definitely scandal.”

“perfect,” ningning hums. “that’s the goal.”

they giggle. you type absolute nonsense into the enquiry form. you cannot do this. you cannot sit here and pretend that your entire world isn’t crashing down around you.

and so, you endure about ten more minutes before you completely snap.

“giselle,” you hiss, standing up so abruptly that your chair screeches against the floor. “outside, please.”

the pink-haired girl, who had been flicking through a stack of vinyl records, looks up, blinking innocently. “me?”

“yes, you,” you grit out. “now, thank you.”

the other two (god knows where karina is) immediately burst into laughter as she follows you outside, smirking like she just won the lottery.

the cold air is a slap to your overheated face. your skin is burning, your pulse is erratic and you’re so stressed that your left eye is twitching.

“alright,” she begins, crossing her arms, clearly enjoying herself. “to what do i owe the honour?”

you glare at her. “why are you guys even here? you’re such a shit-stirrer, bet this was ryujin and yunjin’s idea.”

she gasps dramatically, pressing a hand to her chest. “wow. y/n, this is the hottest vintage shop in town! we’re just a bunch of girls supporting a small business. why are you being a hater?”

“aeri,” you shake your head, squeezing the bridge of your nose.

“what?” she says, feigning innocence. “can’t a girl shop without being interrogated by the y/n police?”

“giselle,” you repeat, voice dangerously low. “don’t do this.”

“do what?” she blinks at you, all wide-eyed amusement.

you clench your jaw; knowing all too well that she does things sometimes just to fuck with you. “don’t act like you don’t know exactly why i’m asking.”

“oh, come on,” she groans, rolling her eyes. “is it really that bad? who cares about jaewook? he hasn’t even scored a goal for over a year.”

his name alone makes you shiver. “aeri, he’s a goalkeeper!” you sighed because…she can be unbelievably dense sometimes.

she clicks her tongue, looking at her pink nails. “like i said, don’t care.”

you run a hand through your hair, exhaling sharply as you steal a glance at the other two. “did you tell them?”

“tell who what?”

“giselle.”

“okay, okay,” she grins while shaking her head. she’s enjoying this. “no, i didn’t tell minjeong and ningning anything, never said a word.”

relief immediately floods your chest. “oh, thank god —”

“but they did.”

your stomach drops. “what?”

“what do you mean, what?” giselle tilts her head, smirking. “they live with karina. have been, for years. of course they know. she tells us everything.”

“but —” you blink rapidly, brain completely short-circuiting. “but you said —”

“i said i didn’t tell anyone,” giselle shrugs. “i never said they didn’t know.”

“giselle,” you whisper, gripping her by the shoulders. “do you want me to die? he’s going to kill me.”

“a little,” she admits. “but you’re making it so fun to watch.”

you let go of her like she burned you, staring at her in complete disbelief. “so minjeong and ningning…”

“knew the whole time?” giselle finishes your sentence, nodding. “yep — but relax, they hate jaewook anyways. you have nothing to be worried about!”

your entire life flashes before your eyes. oh god. this is worse than you thought. before you can start digging your own grave right there on the sidewalk, the shop door swings open.

“sorry to interrupt your little lover’s quarrel,” ningning says sweetly, poking her head outside. “but karina needs help with sizing.”

you go completely still. “what? why me?”

“sizing,” ningning repeats, blinking. “you do work here, don’t you?”

giselle claps a hand on your back. “go on, employee of the month.”

you turn back to ningning, feeling your entire body betray you as your face grows hotter. “can’t she get —”

“oh, she specifically asked for you,” ningning confirms, smiling like the devil. “so, you know. chop-chop.”

you are going to pass out.

giselle is practically shaking with laughter when you cast another glance at her and then back at ningning, who just raises an eyebrow, waiting.

your fate is sealed as you drag your feet just outside of the fitting room; heart pounding in your ears.

this is ridiculous — you have defended mock trial cases against the most cutthroat professors in the department. you have stared down intimidating judges with a straight face and delivered speeches in front of an entire lecture hall without breaking a sweat.

and yet —

you cannot bring yourself to knock on a fitting room door. pathetic. then, another memory slams into you, so vivid it almost knocks the air out of your lungs.

karina. in your room. the door clicking shut. “touch me, y/n.”

you barely had a second to process before she was on you, pressing you against the door, lips finding yours with such certainty, like she had been waiting all night.

you remember the warmth of her hands against your skin, the way her perfume; that expensive, sweet scent that still lingers on your sheets and clouding your senses, made your head spin in a way alcohol never could.

you remember your fingers tangling in her hair, her breath against your jaw, the way she —

“y/n?”

you jump, startled.

her voice is soft, muffled through the fitting room door, but hearing your name come out of her mouth — so natural, so casual — sends a violent shudder down your spine.

she just said your name. not some generic ‘hey’ or ‘excuse me’.

you swallow thickly, clenching your fists, forcing yourself to remember that you are at work and that you have a job to do.

before you can respond, the door swings open. and there she is.

karina stands in the small fitting room, looking up at you with mild curiosity, one hand resting on her hip. she’s wearing a white baby tee, cropped just above her waist, too tight for comfort.

you swallow.

the fabric clings to her, the neckline dipping just enough to reveal the sharp lines of her collarbones. her dark hair falls in soft waves over her shoulders, framing her face in a way that makes her look almost too perfect, like she walked straight out of a glossy magazine and into your workplace.

she tugs at the hem of the shirt, frowning slightly. “do you guys have this in a bigger size? i like it, but i think i look terrible in this one.”

your brain is not functioning. there is a slight ringing in your ears. your vision is blurry. you are physically incapable of forming a coherent thought.

“uh,” you manage to croak out, voice embarrassingly weak. “we…we don’t keep stock in the back. everything we have is already on the floor.”

she sighs, glancing at her reflection in the mirror. “that’s too bad, it’s making me look terrible.”

this is your chance. this is the moment where you say let me know if you need anything else and walk away like a normal person.

except…

“you look hot,” you say it before you can stop yourself.

she turns to you, one perfectly arched eyebrow lifting slightly, a ghost of a smirk playing on her lips. “yeah?”

your stomach fucking plummets straight into the ground beneath you.

hot?!

why the fuck did you say that? why would you do that to yourself?

but now she’s looking at you, actually looking, and you can’t back out, can’t take it back, can’t pretend you didn’t just blurt out the world’s most unprofessional sentence.

“yeah,” you say again, somehow making it worse.

her lips curl slightly at the edges, and for a split second, you think she might actually tease you for it, but then her gaze flickers downward.

your blood turns to ice because she’s looking at your neck.

panic slams into you at full force. you knew your cover-up job was bad, but you didn’t think it was that bad.

apparently, you were wrong.

you yank the collar of your sweater up, heart slamming against your ribs. “do you need anything else?”

karina doesn’t answer right away.

instead, she tilts her head, studying you like she’s trying to figure something out. her expression is unreadable, but there’s something in her eyes…something sharp, something knowing.

then, finally, she says, “about last night —”

your breath catches. this is it. she’s going to order a hitman so no one else can know your secret. the pounding in your ears is louder than ever; it’s embarrassing.

she is standing in front of you, in that impossibly tight baby tee, looking at you like she’s waiting for something. her lips curl slightly, a ghost of amusement playing at the corners of her mouth.

“thanks for looking after me,” she continues, voice softer than you expect. “and for being so considerate.”

you freeze, completely unprepared for the gratitude. you don’t know what you expected…maybe indifference or some teasing remark, or even just an outright dismissal of what happened last night.

but this? this sincerity? it throws you completely off balance.

“it’s nothing,” you clear your throat, forcing yourself to smile, but it feels unnatural, like your body hasn’t caught up with your brain yet. “i mean, it was…yeah. no worries.”

karina keeps looking at you and the weight of her gaze makes your skin prickle. and now that you’re really seeing her, it’s impossible to ignore just how stupidly pretty she is.

her features are sharp, carved to perfection: high cheekbones, delicate nose, lips that look like they belong in an art gallery. her dark hair falls effortlessly over her shoulders, strands framing her face in a way that seems unintentional but is devastating nonetheless.

but it’s her eyes that undo you.

dark, observant, laced with something that makes you feel completely exposed. like she sees right through you, past the mask of composure you’ve spent years perfecting.

you are so fucked.

“i’m finally glad to meet you, you know,” she adds with a beaming smile, tilting her head slightly.

your brain short-circuits. “what?”

“giselle always says good things about you,” she explains, shrugging. “but you’re always busy. i swear, i thought you were a myth for a while…then i saw you in campus laughing with her a couple of weeks ago.”

your mouth opens, then closes. giselle, the spawn of satan whose mission is to annoy you, has said good things about you? that’s a surprise.

you clear your throat once. “yeah, well…law isn’t exactly a relaxed degree.”

karina’s expression shifts, something like intrigue flickering in her eyes. “is it really that bad?”

you nod. “yeah, final year.”

“makes sense,” she hums.

you frown. “what does that mean?”

“you have that…lawyer energy.”

“lawyer energy?” you repeat, deadpan.

“yeah,” she lifts a hand, gesturing vaguely. “like, you’re very put together. very serious. like you could argue your way out of anything.”

and finally, you smile as you shake your head. “that does not sound like a compliment.”

she grins. “it’s a little impressive. kind of scary, but impressive.”

you don’t know whether to take that as an insult or a compliment, but either way, you’re definitely not equipped to keep having this conversation. your brain is already struggling to process the fact that you’re standing here, talking to karina like it’s normal.

like last night didn’t completely obliterate your moral compass.

and then, just when you think this interaction can’t get any more dangerous —“

“i want to make it up to you,” karina offers. “for looking after me last night.”

your world crumbles. “you don’t have to —”

“let me buy you lunch sometime,” she interrupts, eyes locked onto yours. “between classes.”

this is a horrible idea.

this is the worst idea.

you cannot be seen having lunch with karina, not when — not when she —

“oh,” you stammer, scrambling for an escape route, “i’m actually…only ever free on wednesday nights. but only for a short time, so —“

“perfect,” she cuts in smoothly, clapping her hands together. “dinner on wednesday, after our classes.”

you blink. “i —”

“i’ll pick you up.”

you have been cornered.

karina cheated on jaewook with you and now she wants to take you to dinner? is she even aware of what happened last night? does she care?

your moral compass is begging you to say no. to stop this before it becomes something you can’t walk away from. but she is looking at you like she already knows what your answer is going to be.

and that’s what makes it worse.

“okay,” you hear yourself say, completely betraying every rational part of your brain. “wednesday night.”

she smiles. “good.”

and then, like she hasn’t just set your entire life on fire, she turns back to the mirror, adjusting the hem of her top. “i’ll take this, by the way.”

you bite your lip, still recovering. “the one you said looked terrible on you?”

she meets your gaze in the mirror, lips curving. “well,” she begins, “you said i looked great in it.”

the way your heart stops should be considered a medical emergency but before you can even process that, the rest of the girls are making their way to the register, all far too smug for your liking.

“great,” you tell karina. “i’ll meet you over there.”

ningning hands over a pair of sunglasses, minjeong has a leather jacket draped over her arm, and giselle just watches you, her grin nothing short of pure evil.

“how’s law treating you, y/n?” minjeong asks, casual, too casual as she leans against the counter.

“it’s fine,” you say stiffly, scanning her items, refusing to look up.

“just fine?” ningning teases. “we hear your name all over campus, you know, like how you won us another mock trial against korea university.”

“yeah,” giselle chimes in, “so impressive. such a role model.”

they are all provoking your end and they all know you can’t do anything about it. “lovely, hope i see you all again soon. not.”

minjeong smirks at you before putting the jacket she just paid for on. “trust that you’ll see us at your dorm next weekend.”

karina is the last to pay. she steps forward, handing over her card, and as you process the transaction, you can feel her eyes on you.

watching. waiting.

you don’t look up.

then, as she grabs her bag and heads for the door, she pauses. she turns slightly, glancing over her shoulder, one hand holding the door open.

“i can’t wait for wednesday,” she yells out, and then she’s gone.

the door swings shut behind her, and you just stand there, gripping the counter like it’s the only thing keeping you upright.

you are so unbelievably fucked.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

monday morning rolls around and you’re clinging to your law student routine like a life raft in the middle of the ocean. nothing steadies the mind quite like dense constitutional law readings and back-to-back lectures.

the weekend, with all its chaos, is firmly behind you. at least, that’s what you tell yourself.

but as you stand in the dorm’s small kitchen, flipping an egg with robotic precision, you’re reminded that nothing is ever truly behind you when ryujin and yunjin exist in your life.

“so,” ryujin starts, leaning against the counter, arms crossed. “a turtleneck, huh?”

you don’t respond.

“interesting choice,” yunjin adds from the table, her chin propped up on her palm, watching you like a hawk. “didn’t know it was suddenly winter.”

you exhale sharply. “i swear to god —”

“no, no, we’re just admiring the effort,” ryujin interrupts, smirking. “like, it’s a bold move. but hey, i get it,” she gestures vaguely toward your neck. “you’d want to cover all that up before your date tonight.”

the egg you just flipped lands slightly off-center. you slowly turn around to the pink-haired girl already halfway through her breakfast. “giselle.”

yunjin is beaming, practically vibrating with excitement. “apparently, someone asked you out to dinner.”

your so-called friend shrugs from the corner of the kitchen, sipping her coffee, completely unbothered. “what? it was funny.”

“no, it’s not,” you snap, pointing your spatula at her. “none of this is funny.”

but ryujin and yunjin seem to disagree because they’re laughing their asses off, practically doubling over the counter.

“she wants to wine and dine you?” yunjin gasps, wiping a tear from her eye. “this is huge.”

“nah, buddy,” ryujin says between her laughs. “jaewook’s really coming after you now.”

your stomach twists at the reminder.

“exactly,” you mutter, turning back to your eggs, suddenly losing your appetite. “she has a boyfriend. this isn’t funny. it’s…it’s messed up.”

giselle sighs, finally looking a little guilty. “i know, i get it. it’s just…none of us expected this. you didn’t expect this.”

you clench your jaw. “because it shouldn’t have happened.”

silence, except for the sound of eggs frying.

yunjin speaks first. “look, if you don’t wanna go, don’t. no one’s forcing you. but…doesn’t it make you wonder?”

you don’t answer. because it does.

why you? why now? why, after years of only ever exchanging passing glances, did karina suddenly want to know you?

ryujin leans against the counter, watching you carefully. then, with a smirk, she mutters, “maybe she’s realised she likes them a little nerdy, a little feisty.”

you throw a piece of toast at her head.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

by the time your first lecture rolls around, the teasing is still ringing in your ears, but you force yourself to push it aside. you slide into your usual seat in, staring blankly at the lecture slides, trying your best to absorb the information — but your mind keeps drifting.

professor choi is droning on about the evolution of human rights treaties and while normally you would be engaged, today, you’re just grateful to be anywhere but your dorm.

the teasing from your friends were relentless. at least here, surrounded by other law students drowning in coursework, you could pretend none of it ever happened.

beside you, irene adjusts her blaze, a classic, pressed navy number before glancing over to you. “so, how was the party?”

if anyone embodied sophistication, it was her. she was effortlessly composed, always put together and somehow managed to balance a social life while remaining at the top of the class. unlike you.

you exhale, rubbing your temple. “messy.”

she clicks her tongue. “ugh, i knew it. i was going to go, but i’m already behind in this class. stayed in and revised instead.”

you glance at her pristine notebook, filled with neat, elegant handwriting and huff a quiet laugh. “yeah, i can see that.”

she smirks. “so? anything exciting happen?”

your grip tightens around your pen. “define exciting.”

she raises a brow. “anything that would make me regret not going.”

“then, no,” you take a sip of your coffee, staring at the projector screen as if it can shield you from this conversation. “just the usual chaos, but i’m impressed that you skipped a party for this.”

“i’m serious,” she says, sighing dramatically. “choi’s exams are a nightmare. i have to be prepared.”

the lecture goes by in a blur of legal precedents and treaties. when it finally ends, you’re gathering your things when she turns to you. “we have time before the next one. brunch?”

you nod. “sure. same place?”

she smiles, nudging your arm lightly. “obviously.”

it’s routine by now, a well-practiced tradition between the two of you whenever there’s a big gap between your classes. navigating through the crowded hallways of yonsei is always a battle, but today feels especially suffocating. students are rushing between buildings, groups gathered in corners, debating over case studies or gossiping about the latest scandal.

the two of you head out, weaving through the sea of students in the hallway. as you make your way towards the café, some guy, clearly distracted by his phone, nearly collides with irene.

wrong move.

she stops in her tracks, turns sharply and levels him with a look so icy it could freeze hell over.

“watch where you’re fucking going,” she says, voice deceptively calm but laced with authority.

the guy…some poor unsuspecting sophomore, immediately looks like he wants to crawl into a hole. he stammers out an apology, but she has already dismissed him with a flick of her gaze.

you chuckle, shaking your head. “you really have a talent for terrifying men.”

irene flips her hair over her shoulder, completely unbothered. “it’s not my fault most of them are weak-willed.”

thankfully, the café is tucked away in a quieter part of campus, nestled between tall ginkgo trees. it’s the kind of place where professors come to sip espresso and students pretend to study while people-watching.

you order a black coffee — strong, no nonsense. irene gets her usual iced americano, claiming it’s the only thing keeping her sane these days as the two of you find a table under the shade, the bustle of campus life continuing around you.

and the conversation starts off with something far more welcome than whatever the hell your dorm mates have been tormenting you about.

“so,” irene starts, elegantly cutting into her toast. “what’s the plan after graduation? not too long till we’re in the real world now.”

you wrap your hands around your coffee cup, letting the warmth seep into your skin. “probably a master’s. i want to specialise in something. maybe corporate law, maybe international.”

she hums in approval. “solid choices. not as exciting as criminal law, though.”

you snort. “i like my sanity intact, thanks.”

“makes sense. i’m thinking of taking a gap year, then go into firm work, though. i don’t have the patience for more studying.”

you smirk. “shocking, considering you’re basically law royalty.”

“shut up,” she smiles, rolling her eyes. “but seriously, you’d do well in a masters program. you actually like all the heavy theory.”

“so, where’s the next destination?” you lean back against your chair, exhaling and crossing your arms.

“i want to see more of northern europe,” she admits. “my dad wants me at his firm right after but i’d rather start somewhere else, build my own reputation first. i just don’t see myself working at one place for too long, either.”

“smart,” you hum in approval. “nothing worse than people thinking you only got in because of family connections.”

she smirks. “exactly.”

irene’s the kind of person who never stays in one place for too long, always chasing something beyond the next horizon.

while everyone else planned their careers within the safe confines of seoul, she was already looking at the world. she’s always been that way, even in the way she speaks — already one step ahead, like her mind is filled with things you haven’t even thought to consider yet.

and you’ve always admired that about her.

you’re mid-sentence, talking about potential universities for your master’s, when she suddenly interrupts you.

“she’s really pretty, isn’t she?”

you’re confused. “who?”

she subtly gestures with her cup. you follow her gaze and your stomach twists into knots.

of course.

there she is.

walking past with jaewook, his arm draped over hers in that effortless, this-is-mine way. karina’s dressed in a navy blue blazer and jeans, simple yet elegant, her hair cascading in soft waves. even in casual clothes, she looks like she belongs on a magazine cover.

but it’s not just that…it’s the way she moves, so effortlessly confident, so sure of herself.

and then, as if she can feel your stare, she turns her head.

she smiles.

it’s small, subtle — almost unreadable. but it’s there. you don’t smile back.

instead, you look away, taking a sip of your coffee like nothing happened. irene immediately nudges you. “what was that for?”

you snap your gaze away. “what?”

“you just ignored her — she smiled at you.”

“no, i didn’t.”

“yes, you did.”

you groan, rubbing your temple. “can we not do this?”

irene smirks, clearly entertained. “so you have met her; was this at the party?”

you glance back once more, but karina and jaewook are already disappearing into the crowd. your stomach churns.

“i’ll take that as a yes,” she watches you, amused. “you need more friends outside of your dorm mates and me, you know.”

“this is my final year,” you tell her flatly. “i might as well keep the system that way.”

irene hums, taking a slow sip of her drink. “i just hope somebody crashes it.”

you scoff. “not happening.”

sometimes, when irene talks about leaving, about how she doesn’t want to stay in one place forever, you wonder if that’s why she’s never let herself get too close to people.

or maybe that’s just your excuse. because in a way, you and irene are similar.

you don’t let people in, either.

which is why, right now, as she sips her smoothie and casually talks about karina, you feel like the ground beneath you is shifting because irene knows you.

she sees you.

and if she ever realises what’s actually happening — if she ever connects the dots…you don’t know if you would be able to handle her thoughts about it.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

part 2 — wearing no disguise, you erase him

[wheeboo]

paging dr. heartthrob | lee chan

SYNOPSIS. You can’t afford to be burnt out, especially during a crucial era of your life: being in medical school. Enter your best friend—a boy with a tough-looking exterior, a skateboard that’s seen better days, and a heart softer than his beat-up converse—Lee Chan, with his backpack full of snacks, and an uncanny ability to show up exactly when you need him most. He may not be a doctor, nor exactly your therapist, but he certainly is a heartthrob, and your heart can’t help but always page him. PAIRING. skater boy!lee chan x med student!fem!reader (ft. lowkey stoner!vernon, med student!jeonghan, med student!joshua, soonyoung) GENRE. fluff, childhood best friends to lovers, angst, hurt/comfort, suggestive, slow burn, college au WARNINGS. heavy swearing, food + drinking mentions/consumption, so much fucking mutual pining!!!, reader experiencing burnout + self-doubt issues, chan has a mullet, piercings, and tattoos yes, (3) shirtless chan scenes, chan is a self-critical perfectionist, mention of scars, descriptions of minor injuries, hospital mentions + visits, mental health topics, drug use (weed & vaping), reader has a panic attack and passes out, kissing, terms of endearment, vernon makes a sex joke at the end lmao WORD COUNT. 24.2k

notes: hi hi everyone! this fic is part of the @camandemstudios "the lonely heart's cafe" collab! it also takes part in the same universe as my favourite horangdan @etherealyoungk upcoming fic with hoshi HAHA. ty to skye and also @bananabubble + @imujings listen to me ramble abt this too. pls don't forget to show love all the other authors in this collab <3 HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEE CHAN!!! 🫶

You slam your textbook shut. You don’t think you can reread the same page about neurotransmitters and synaptic transmissions any longer without losing your mind for the third time that night. 

Your head feels like it’s two seconds away from combusting, and the pressure coming from upcoming exams, assignments that are constantly due the very next day, along with endless clinicals is suffocating. You’ve been staring at this textbook for what feels like hours or even days, but nothing’s sticking. It’s as if your brain has reached its limit for the day, and you’re left grasping for focus that you can’t find.

“Screw it,” You mutter under your breath, closing the textbook and tossing it to the edge of the bed where it threatens to fall off if you don’t catch it in time, but you ignore it, too tired to even care, and it falls onto the floor below with a soft thud.

Running a hand through your hair, you can feel a headache beginning to creep in, a dull throb behind your eyes. Your body feels heavy, as though it’s been holding in all your exhaustion for the past five months. Accepting your fate, you flimsily fall back onto the bed, granting the greenlight for the comfort of the sheets to swallow you whole. 

Then a tap hits your window.

You ignore it at first by grabbing your pillow and burying your face in it, too bummed out to scold the freshmen who think that it’s cute to throw pebbles at people’s windows for the hundredth time this semester. 

Another tap follows, then another, becoming more insistent after each one. At this point, they may as well blow a missile through your damn window. But then you hear it𑁋the sharp hiss of a psst, before a muffled, yet unmistakable voice holler out your name. A groan escapes your lips as you drag your body off the bed and shuffle towards the window, pulling the curtain aside and sliding the sash up. You’re immediately greeted by a whiff of cold air hitting your face. 

The irritation leaves your body within a second once you spot the figure that’s waving up at you from the ground below. There’s a jump to your heart when you catch a glimpse of the scheming grin that runs across their face. 

“Chan? What the hell?” You whisper-yell down towards him, glancing around you as if your voice was loud enough to wake up your next-door neighbours. “It’s midnight!” 

You wouldn’t be surprised if you somehow mistakened your best friend as a burglar from how the dark hoodie he’s wearing engulfs him. But you watch as he pulls his hood down and adjusts the scratched-up skateboard tucked underneath his armpit, flashing you that boyish grin that never fails to disarm your guarded-up walls. His breath curls in the cold night air, and you catch the glint of his lip piercing when he tilts his head back to look at you.

“Come on, Y/N, I got reinforcements!” He reveals a black plastic bag from somewhere behind his back, waving it up to you like he’s just discovered some kind of treasure. 

You squint, trying to make out what’s in the bag, but it’s too dark to see anything clearly from your window. “What is that?”

“Snacks,” he calls back, his grin widening. “And caffeine. Actually, wait𑁋” He reaches a hand inside the bag, shuffling throughout its contents. “No caffeine, because you need to get your insomniac ass to sleep.” 

You roll your eyes at that. “You’re actually a goddamn idiot.”

“So I’ve been told many times. Now, are you going to let me in before that stupid security guard comes and tackles me to the ground again?’ 

Briefly, you can’t help but smile at the memory of that one specific time a few months back where Chan had been caught sneaking around the apartment complex. The poor elderly security guard nearly had a heart attack when he found Chan struggling to climb the side of the building with a skateboard in hand because you jokingly refused to let him inside your messy apartment. You had to spend an hour talking your way out of that one, and even then, you weren’t sure if all your talking and dumb excuses were enough to convince the security guard that Chan wasn’t a robber trying to get to you through your window. 

“Ugh, fine. Give me a second,” You relent, pulling away from the window and hurrying to unlock the door. After a minute, you could already hear the recognisable, obnoxious stomps from the stairs that were echoing throughout the quiet hallway of your apartment. 

When you see Chan emerge all breathless like he’s run a marathon in that oversized hoodie, skateboard still tucked under his arm, you can’t help but shake your head, crossing your arms together as he gallops down the hallway and to your door. 

Then he looks at you, and for some reason, it almost seems like he looks… different. You don’t know why, because in your eyes, he still looks the same. His dark hair had grown longer𑁋pretty much a mullet at this point𑁋and he had recently changed his lip ring to a sleek silver hoop that catches the faint light in your apartment hallway. The hoodie he wore was thrifted from this store in a sketchy part of town that closed up two years ago, its print faded and frayed at the cuffs of the sleeves. His beat-up Converse shoes are practically at the verge of dying. You think he’s definitely worn it more than a million times, but that wasn’t anything new. There wasn’t anything on the surface that was new. 

Yet as he stands there, rosy cheeks flushed from the cold, his grin as radiant as always, there’s something about him that makes your heart stutter for just a moment.

“Okay… You’re doing that staring thing again.” Chan snaps his fingers in front of your face, bringing you back from your head. “You gonna let me in or not?”

You snap out of it, quickly stepping aside to let him in. “You’re so annoying, you know that?”

“And yet, you still tolerate me.” He shoots you a wink before brushing past you, and you observe as he leans his skateboard against the wall of your place. Then he flops onto the wobbly chair in front of your desk like its second instinct, like this place is his second home, and in a way, it is, because you’ll always be the first to let him in. 

Chan lifts the black plastic bag as if he’s showing it off to you and sets it down on your cluttered desk, which has been overtaken by textbooks, flashcards, and an impressive collection of empty coffee mugs. You feel yourself fall into a pit of embarrassment at the mess, but this is Chan you’re talking about𑁋he’s seen you at your worst, or… the worst he’s seen so far. 

“You know, I’ve heard these snacks are scientifically proven to cure stress,” he claims while handing you a plastic bowl of cup ramen.

You snort at that as you grab the cup of ramen from his grasp and place yourself down on the floor right by him. “Oh, really? Did you read that in The Medical Journal of Lee Chan’s Dumbass Theories?”

“Damn right I did.” He flashes you that lopsided grin, popping open a bottle of water and taking a sip before passing it to you. “Drink. You look like you haven’t had anything but coffee for days. Can’t imagine how much shit is in your head right now.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose at the thought. “I know. I’ve got a headache trying to memorise whatever the hell is in these textbooks.”

“And what’s the medical term for a headache again?”

You peer at him with narrowed eyes when you take another sip of water. “Cephalalgia.”

“See, you’ve still got it in you,” he quips wholeheartedly while leaning back in the chair, a leg propped up on his knee, a pleased smirk to his face when he captures the faintest sight of a smile to your features. 

You only let out a scoff as you stand up to fill water into your cup of ramen, placing it in the microwave right after. Even then, you swear you can still feel the way his eyes are wandering over you as you move around the small kitchen, the tonnage of his gaze making your skin tingle. You try to shake off the odd sensation, focusing on getting your ramen prepared. You can hear Chan shifting in the chair behind you, the sounds of rustling hitting your ears as he rummages through the snacks.

Silence overtakes the both of you for a few minutes. It’s comfortable. It always is when it’s with him. 

It’s a bit scary, too. Even though it shouldn’t be.

“I went to the skatepark earlier,” Chan suddenly pops in. 

When the microwave dings, you carefully take out the cup of ramen. “Practicing your 900?”

“What can I say? I’ll be the next Tony Hawk,” he teases amusedly. “I’m just kidding. Could never be on that man’s level.”

“You’re going to hurt yourself one day doing all those… tricks and shit,” You say as you settle on your bed, pushing away pieces of paper of horrendous math calculations, making them fall down to the ground. 

Chan shrugs, looking nonchalant as he leans back in his chair, casually stretching his arms behind his head. He was always pushing himself, always looking for the next adrenaline rush, no matter how reckless it seemed. It's a bit worrying sometimes. “Eh, I’ll survive. A little pain is part of the game.”

“Still. Just… be careful, alright?” The softness and genuine concern to your tone isn’t hard to miss as Chan looks over at you, the teasing spark in his eyes dimming for a second.

Chan plops a chip into his mouth, the crunch bouncing off the walls of the room. 

“I will, don’t worry.” Then he leans in like some sort of villain in a superhero movie. “So… I’d like to propose an idea.”

You already know what he’s about to propose. “Chan, no𑁋”

“You, me, these snacks I robbed from the store, and a few episodes of Gilmore Girls.” 

You pause mid-bite, your spoonful of ramen hovering just inches from your mouth as you stare at him in disbelief. A part of you wonders if the lack of caffeine in the bag had somehow changed his brain chemistry, but then again, this is the Lee Chan you’ve always known since you were fourteen𑁋spontaneous, reckless, and somehow endearing despite it all.

“You’re such a weirdo,” You murmur under your breath, but the smile on your face betrays you as it always does.

“Come on! You know you want to, Y/N,” he says smugly, and as he catches the slight unsureness to your features, he lets out a sigh. “Relax with me, please?”

For a moment, your mind weighs about the mountain of work that’s bound to be dumped on you, the looming exams, the clinical hours you’ve been drowning in… and then you think about the weight lifting off your shoulders every time Chan’s around. Even just for a little while, the world seems to slow down when he’s here.

He’s a goddamn terrible influence on you in the oddly best way possible. Oh, the irony. 

“Okay, fine. Just… one or two episodes, alright?” You give in.

The way Chan’s eyes light up from your words sends a flip to your stomach, and he’s quick to leap off the chair to sink himself down right next to you on the bed. His warmth is quick to surround and engulf you, making himself comfortable in a way that feels so familiar it almost makes your heart race. His shoulder brushes against yours, and you shift slightly to make more room for him, attempting to ignore how suddenly hyper aware you are of his closeness to you.

He rolls his sleeves as if he’s prepared to commit his entire being to this mini-marathon of episodes, and you catch a peek of the tattoos that roam up and down his arms. You’ve seen them countless times before, but tonight, they seem to catch your attention more curiously than ever, and your gaze lingers for just a second too long before you snap your attention back to the screen of the laptop being placed between the two of you. 

The bed creaks slightly as he adjusts himself, pulling the blankets up over both of your legs and getting comfortable as if he owns the place, before pressing the play button.

Even as the episode rolls in front of you, your mind… wanders to the boy right next to you. To Chan. To your best friend.

He isn’t looking at you when you’re looking at him, too focused on the scene playing before you. And just the single thought of him is enough to fill every part of your mind, every crevice in your heart. It’s overwhelming.

But it’s not just tonight. It’s not just this moment.

It’s every time he’s around.

The warmth of his body against yours feels too comforting to ignore. The way his carefree smile that you’ve seen thousands of times over the years always makes you forget the time, the way his eyes seem to see through you sometimes that you feel almost bare, the way out of the eight billion people walking this planet right now, he’s the only one who knows you better than anything else. 

Your heart stutters in your chest.

Is this it? Is this what people talk about when they say it just clicks?

You want to laugh at how oblivious you’ve been, but the thought that keeps echoing through your mind is no, this isn’t new𑁋it’s been there for a while.

But as you steal another glance at him, the realisation hits you like a fucking bulldozer, like a speeding train, like a bullet penetrating through your body, like a punch to the gut you’re sure will leave a bruise. You nearly choke on your ramen.

You’re falling for him. You’re falling for your best friend. 

No, scratch that. You’ve already fallen. Hard. For God knows how long. Fuck. 

And the worst part? He doesn’t even know. You’re utterly screwed.

You were at the cusp of middle school and high school when you met Lee Chan. Even though you’re only a year ahead of him, the eighth graders at your school seemed to have a superiority complex bigger than their egos could contain. Back then, he was just another scrawny seventh grader running around with wild passions, and you were just trying to survive through these awful years of awkwardness, or just middle school in general. 

It was during one of those ridiculous dares that you met. Some eighth grader had dared him to steal a soda can from the teacher’s lounge fridge, and he’d been caught red-handed𑁋by you, unsurprisingly, as you were sent to pick up some paperwork for your office aide duties. And instead of being embarrassed or causing a ruckus in the middle of the hallway, he had grinned at you like he threw the most disastrous prank in history.

“You won’t snitch, right?” he had asked, while holding the can of soda behind his back. 

“Well, I’m an office aide after all,” You had responded sarcastically, crossing your arms together. “I could totally report you to the principal.” 

But your words hardly phased him. Didn’t phase him at all. In fact, he’d just looked at you like one of those geeky kids confident in winning their Pokémon Go battles. 

“Let me give you a reason not to then,” he had said, revealing the soda can from behind his back and offering it to you. You had stared at him in disbelief, and after a short while, you’d finally taken it. He had just shot you a smile and shuffled past you, as if nothing had happened, but not before adding, “Come to the playground after school. I’ll show you something cool.”

By something cool, he showed you something called a kickflip. You had no idea what a kickflip was at the time, but Chan was way too eager to show you as he grabbed hold of a skateboard that was once used by his father. You had watched him try and fail repeatedly, but never once had he looked embarrassed or frustrated. It was that lighthearted attitude of his that drew you in, something you admired even then. And so, you stayed after school, watching him persist until he finally nailed the trick, his smile wide and victorious. Maybe the world felt lighter in those moments too𑁋that maybe going to high school wouldn’t be an absolute shitshow. 

That as young and dumb that you were, maybe life had good things for you. 

Because it was with him. 

You didn’t call it a crush though, because all the eighth graders who were stuck in their heads all mentioned how crushing on seventh graders was disgusting and gross, that going after the hot high schoolers was cooler. Thus, you ignored the small flutter in your chest whenever he made you laugh after nearly face-planting while practicing, turned a blind eye to the way your heart skipped when he gave that ungodly smile after nailing another trick. 

You told yourself it was nothing. You were just friends. Best friends, even.

“I think I have a crush on my best friend,” You downright admit in the middle of the cafeteria, unconsciously stabbing your salad in front of you with a plastic fork.

Jeonghan peers at you while slurping up his banana milk. “Eat your ugly salad.”

You glare at him but take a begrudging bite of your salad anyway, chewing slowly as if it might somehow alleviate the embarrassment swirling in your chest. It’s been almost a week since you’ve come to terms with your feelings for your best friend. Jeonghan sets his banana milk down and leans forward, propping his chin on the palm of his hand with the kind of smug expression that tells you he’s about to make this conversation even worse.

“Well, you could𑁋”

“Shut up.”

“I didn’t even say anything!” Jeonghan raises his hands in the air like he’s surrendering, letting out a scoff. “How inconsiderate of you.”

“Just𑁋Don’t you get it, Jeonghan?” You ask after stuffing a piece of cold lettuce in your mouth. “This is medical school. The pressure’s insane, and everything is a goddamn mess. I can’t just throw everything away over a stupid crush. And it’s not like Chan would feel the same way. We’ve been friends for so long… and it’s just stupid to think about anything more. I’m stupid for even falling for him in the first place.”

Jeonghan watches you carefully while mulling over your words, then his lips curl into a slight smirk, yet a hint of softness to his eyes.

“You know,” he starts, leaning back in his chair, swirling the banana milk in his cup. “It’s not stupid to have feelings. It’s natural. What’s stupid is throwing those feelings under the rug and leaving them to the dust mites.” 

“But I just…” Your voice trails away as you struggle to find the right words. “I already have a lot on my plate right now, and it almost feels wrong to think of him that way. As someone more than a friend. I feel like a pervert or something𑁋I don’t know.”

“A pervert?” Jeonghan questions with a raised brow. “Aw, do you dream of giving him a little smooch on the lips?” 

You choke on the next bite of your salad, coughing and trying to hide your face in your hands as Jeonghan just snickers, completely pleased at your reaction. 

“You’re actually the devil’s worst nightmare personified,” You mutter under your breath, but there’s no anger behind it. 

“Ah, well, that’s a new one,” Jeonghan remarks amusedly. “Better than the devil’s knight in shining armour, I suppose.” 

You sigh, dropping your fork and slouching in your seat. You don’t think you have the energy to think about all of this right now. There’s a certain heaviness that settles in your chest as you reluctantly chew your way through the rest of your salad. You have other things to worry about right now, such as the mountain of schoolwork on your desk, your pathology exam on Friday, and having to impress your grumpy fifty-year-old attending tomorrow. 

“Come on, let’s get through pharmacology.” You start to pack up your belongings, sealing off the remains of your unfinished salad and stuffing the container inside your backpack. Jeonghan watches you knowingly with a sigh as he gathers his own things.

“You’re avoiding the conversation,” he points out, standing up and tossing his empty drink into the trash bin.

“I know,” You admit, standing up to join him. “I just don’t have the mental space for it right now. I have so much to do, and thinking about Chan and... whatever this is... it’s not helping.”

Jeonghan doesn’t say anything after that, and you appreciate the quiet while shoving your laptop and notebook inside your backpack before flinging it over your shoulder. He doesn’t want to apply more pressure on the wound than needed. 

One day, he thinks, you’ll have to face it, and that it’ll come to bite you in the ass sooner or later. 

You could really use a shower right now.

After an entire day of clinicals and back-to-back lectures, all you want to do is melt in your bed and let the world fade away. But instead, you find yourself trudging towards the skatepark, because you promised to meet up with Chan for God knows why. By all means you’re definitely late, and you aren’t even sure if Chan would be at the skatepark as he’d have to wait almost an hour for you to show up, yet the thought of disappointing him somehow hurts more than the aching fatigue in your legs.

You spot him instantly. He’s mid-trick when you approach, his skateboard spinning in the air before he lands effortlessly with a triumphant grin. You see him fan himself, wiping his sweat off with his shirt he retrieves from the ground, catching sight of his exposed form and the tattoos that run up and down his skin. His back is turned towards you as well, and you catch a glimpse of another tattoo that he has: a series of Japanese letters that trail down his spine, spelling out his zodiac sign, Aquarius.

After a mere pause, he turns his head and spots you, his face lighting up like it always does, and you feel that familiar flip in your stomach again.

“You’re late,” he calls out, kicking the skateboard up into his hands and jogging over to meet you.

You roll your eyes but can’t help the small smile tugging at your lips. “Blame my neuro attending. That man has the stamina of a marathon runner and the patience of a saint. Could rival Derek Shepherd, to be honest. I think I aged ten years today.” You set your bag down on the floor next to a nearby bench. “You didn��t wait long, did you?”

“Nah, not that long. You actually came after Vernon left𑁋idiot left his vape here,” Chan says while fishing the vape out of his pocket and taking a shameless hit from it, a cloud of vapour floating into the air when he exhales, before offering it to you with a teasing grin. “Want a hit?”

You scrunch your nose, shaking your head with a laugh. “Offering me, a med student, that shit is crazy. My lungs are precious thank you, unlike you and Vernon.”

“Tell that to those bozos.” He points to the noisy teenagers at the other side of the park, before sitting right next to you on the bench. “Can’t even roll over there without getting smacked in the face with weed.”

Your smile falters just slightly as you watch him lean back, his face tilting towards the darkening sky. The dim light of the streetlamps catches on the curve of his jaw, the slope of his nose, the relaxed purse of his lips, and highlights the sleek dragon tattoo that snakes up his arm. He looks... peaceful. Content. Like the world isn’t asking too much from him tonight, like there’s no ginormous weight of expectations pressing on his shoulders, unlike you. 

“I messed up today during clinicals,” You randomly confess, making Chan turn toward you. “There was this patient today… a girl. Seventeen years old, has a tumour that’s basically about to split her brain in half. I kept arguing with my attending about treatments, and I was so sure I was right𑁋that we could do something more about it𑁋but in the end, I just... made it worse. I felt like such an idiot, because… because there wasn’t anything we could do. She only has one chance with surgery, and she took it, despite her low chances of surviving.”

Chan listens to you, his eyes gentle and thoughtful, understanding but not pitying. It’s the same way he used to listen when you were venting back in high school, always patient, never rushing you to fix yourself or your emotions.

“You’re not an idiot,” he tells you, but his tone is nothing like a scold. “You care. That’s the difference. Not everyone would have fought that hard for her, even if you didn’t win. You’ve got a heart the size of the ocean, dude, you know?” 

You smile faintly, chest tightening a little to his words. “The mother-fucking ocean?”

Chan grins at your lightheartedness, nudging you with his elbow. “Yeah, the mother-fucking ocean. You’re stubborn as hell, but you’ve got that heart. And that’s what makes you good at what you do. It’s what makes you you.”

You look down almost in guilt from his words, unconsciously playing with your fingers in your lap. You don’t know why, but it hits harder than usual tonight, and for a second, the rush of everything you’ve been holding back hits you𑁋the exhaustion, the worry, the feeling that you’ve been carrying more than your fair share of burdens these days. They almost threaten to burst out of you, but right now, they don’t. Not yet at least.

“You’re gonna be a good doctor,” Chan continues. “I don’t even have to be a doctor to know that. You just… you get it. You’re going to go out there and do great things. Maybe even better things than me.”

You almost want to laugh at that, almost want to tell Chan just how much shit he’s done that is far greater than what you could ever dream of. You’re not sure if he realises it himself𑁋how great he is, how much you admire him, love him𑁋but you think you could spend more than a lifetime telling him just that if you could. 

Maybe you’ve been avoiding these feelings for too long, but the truth is, they’ve been there for as long as you can remember. You can’t pinpoint the exact moment these feelings shifted from friendship, to admiration, to something more𑁋maybe it was when he helped you get through the first few years of high school, or when he held your hand during a school dance, not in some romantic gesture but because you were scared of your anxiety acting up𑁋but it’s always been there. He’s always been there. 

“I… Thank you, Chan,” You say softly. Then you tilt your head back, looking at the same sky he is, the heaviness in your chest easing just a little. “You’re kind of annoying, you know that? But you’re also... you’re really great yourself. Like, better-than-I-deserve great.”

Chan just chuckles at that. He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees, turning his head slightly to look at you. “That’s probably the dumbest thing you’ve ever said, and I’ve heard a lot of dumb shit from you.”

“Wow, okay. Forget all that I said then,” You retort back playfully, shaking your head and crossing your arms together. “You’re the worst person alive, actually.”

When you’re busy gazing up at the sky above, Chan turns to you. His eyes flit over you, basking how your eyelashes slowly bat together from tiredness, how your lips are slightly curled up in relaxation, how your features glow from the singular street lamp illuminating the skatepark. He doesn’t say anything for a moment, and glances away, his thoughts racing faster than he can keep up with.

“You meant it though, right?” he asks.

“What?” You question, turning towards him. 

“About me being great or whatever.” You can tell he’s trying to brush off the hesitation, but you sense the uncertainty in his voice. “You meant it?”

Out of all times, you wonder why he’s questioning it right now, at almost midnight in the middle of the skatepark. You’ve told him countless times how great he is, always hyping him up for skate competitions and giving him comfort on the times he’s down himself. Why… is he suddenly asking if you meant it?

“Well, I… Of course, I meant it,” You respond, catching his eye. “Why wouldn’t I?”

For a short period, there’s just silence, comfortable, a pinch of awkward𑁋a word you can pretty much never associate with your interactions together𑁋yet heavy. The way Chan’s features soften on his face from your words seem more important than the stars blinking up in the sky right now. 

Then all it takes is a tiny giggle from him, and you can’t help but groan.

“Oh no,” You grumble pesteringly, shooting him an exasperated glance, but your tone is light, teasing. “I fueled your ego now, didn’t I?” 

“Yep. I can walk around like I’m the best thing since sliced bread,” Chan jokes, puffing out his chest with pride. “My greatness has been confirmed by a certified medical professional.”

“Whatever, big head,” You sneer back playfully. 

Chan stretches out a bit more on the bench, his legs extending and his arms behind his head. You can tell he’s getting more comfortable too, probably ready to call it a night, just like you, and you can’t help but let yourself soften a little.

Without thinking, you shift your body and lean your head down to gently rest it in Chan’s lap. His body stiffens for a few seconds as if he wasn’t expecting it, but he doesn’t pull away. Instead, he lets you settle, and after a beat, his hand comes to gently rest in your hair, and something tugs at your heartstrings from the feeling. Your eyes slowly flutter to a close. 

“You okay?” 

Those words almost make you want to cry. 

“Yeah,” You reply quietly. “I’m fine.”

“Don’t lie to me.” 

When you open your eyes back up, Chan is looking down at you, studying you, his thumb tenderly tapping the top of your head as he waits for an answer.

“Alright.” You let out a deep inhale, blinking back up at him. “I’m not.”

Then his hand stops moving, and you nearly regret even telling him that. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks cautiously. 

The corners of your lips tug up slightly, another sigh leaving you. All you can do is shake your head.

“Not really.”

Chan just pulls away, not entirely, but enough to give you a little space. His hand stays near, though, and he’s still watching you, his expression soft.

“Okay.”

For now, the two of you let your gazes drift back up to the sky, and you think𑁋maybe falling for your best friend isn’t the worst thing in the world.

The number 87 is scratched at the top of the page of your medical jurisprudence exam. 

“Thanks for letting me cheat off you, by the way,” Jeonghan chimes in jokingly over your shoulder, nudging you in the arm before walking past you and out the door. 

You roll your eyes at his comment but remain standing right where you are at your seat, and you don’t know why you can’t get yourself to move. Your fellow classmates𑁋all dressed in their finest set of scrubs𑁋brush past you and out of the classroom, but you could only clench your first around the paper in your hand. 

An 87 isn’t bad; if anything, it’s great. Hell, it’s probably better than some of the other people in your class. You should be happy about it. But for some reason, you can’t shake the feeling that there’s something off. It’s the fact that you’re standing here, staring at a number that’s supposed to represent your hard work, your achievements, yet it feels empty, hollow, even.

You don’t feel proud of yourself. 

All you can think about are the countless nights you’ve spent studying for something that doesn’t even feel fulfilling anymore. Your mind wanders over the sleepless nights, the skipped meals, the times you could hardly breathe because rotations had you stuck in the hospital𑁋what was it all for? A number? A stupid grade on a piece of paper?

You take a deep breath, trying to push the thought away.

“You’re doing fine,” You remind yourself, quietly, under your breath. But somehow, it doesn’t sound as convincing as you need it to. “You did good. You’re fine.”

Yet, there’s a voice that echoes off the walls of your head: you can do better. 

You meet Jeonghan and your other mutual friend Joshua in the hallway after managing to finally leave the large lecture hall. The two of them are chatting enthusiastically amongst each other, comparing their exams and the questions they received credit for along with the ones they got wrong. 

You force a smile to slip across your face when you approach, though it merely feels like a mask you’re getting tired of wearing.

“If I manage to survive this program, then I better be gifted with twenty years worth of coffee,” Jeonghan says while stuffing the exam paper inside his backpack. On the other hand, Joshua seems to be way more organised than you and Jeonghan combined, slipping his paper into a colour–coordinated folder before holding it under his arm. 

“What did you want to go into again? Pediatrics? Can’t imagine you with children for the life of me,” Joshua comments playfully.

“Alright, mister, you’re the one who wanted to go into plastics,” Jeonghan retorts with a smirk, nudging Joshua in the ribs. “I can totally see you standing in front of a mirror practicing how to say, ‘Oh, ma’am, you’ll look amazing after this rhinoplasty.’”

Joshua rolls his eyes but laughs. “At least I’ll make my patients happy. I’m not sure kids would survive under your care without learning sarcasm as their first language.”

“Sarcasm builds character, my friend,” Jeonghan states matter-of-factly, wiggling a finger up in the air as if to emphasise the point. “Don’t worry, I’ll teach those little demons how to get through life in the correct way.” 

You give in a chuckle at their banter, clumsily folding your exam paper in half and stuffing it deep inside your bag, hoping you’d probably forget all about it by the end of the day. Though the tension inside you doesn’t seem to want to disappear quite easily. You should feel happy to be surrounded by friends who’ve stuck with you through this hellish journey, but instead, you’re just... floating. 

It’s like you’re suspended between reality and expectation, unsure of where you really fit into either world. You try to push it down, but the feeling keeps creeping back, making your chest feel tight.

“Now I think this calls for a celebratory shot of champagne, or Iced Americano, whatever you want to call it,” Jeonghan announces to you and Joshua as all of you are walking outside.

The time has nearly reached evening by this point, the warm hues of the sky painting the sunset that’s illuminating the campus. It’s a sight that would normally give you a sense of peace, an opportunity to relax, but it doesn’t give you that feeling right now. Far from it. You should be happy, you remind yourself again and again. You’ve been working towards this for your entire life, yet here you are, dragging yourself through the motions like a robot programmed to survive but never to live.

And maybe that’s what hurts the most𑁋the thought that you’ve lost yourself somewhere along the way. You can’t remember the last time you felt truly at ease, or when you last let yourself just... breathe.

Your steps don’t fall in rhythm with Jeonghan and Joshua as you trail behind them. All of your energy feels like it’s been drained out of your body, and that you’d much rather be in the comfort of your apartment to study and distract yourself. 

“You guys can go ahead,” You say to Jeonghan and Joshua with a soft, yet tired smile. “I think I’m just going to head home and get some rest. Catch up later?”

Joshua frowns, noticing the tension in your voice. “You sure?” 

“Yeah,” You reply nimbly with a half-shrug, even though the word feels like a lie when it leaves your lips. “Just… tired. You know how it is. You two deserve to celebrate, though. Go and enjoy yourselves.”

Before you could give Jeonghan or Joshua any chance to respond, you give them a half-hearted wave before hiking off in another direction. You blink away the heat that was threatening to form in your eyes, keeping your gaze focused on the ugly, cracked pavement ahead as you hurriedly make your way back to your apartment. Every step feels heavier than the last, and you swear you feel yourself sinking with each one you take. You tell yourself it’s fine𑁋that you’ll feel better once you’re home, but you can’t tell if you’re just trying to convince yourself that. 

By the time you arrive at your apartment building, perhaps more time has gone by than you expected. The sun has nearly set at this time, making way for the moon to take over with its nightly duties, casting its pale glow over the world around you. But it doesn’t seem to paint its glow on you. 

When you start trudging your way towards the entrance to your building, a voice freezes you in your path. 

“Y/N! Wait up!” 

Your heart sinks in your chest at the voice, almost urging you to step inside your place before that particular gnaw of guilt could grab you, but you freeze nonetheless. You reluctantly turn around to none other than Chan jogging up to you, his skateboard nearly falling from his grip as he lands right in front of you. He’s breathing a bit heavier than usual, as if he’d been running to catch up.

“You haven’t texted me all day,” he tells you breathlessly.

You lift a brow at that, a corner of your lip lifting up at his clinginess. “And you ran all the way here to tell me that?” 

“Well, duh, I have to make sure you’re alive.” He wipes off some sweat from his forehead. You could tell he just rolled here all the way from the skatepark. 

As you let your eyes scan over him, you can’t help but notice how effortlessly cool he looks with his messy fair falling in front of eyes, and the way he still seems to be trying to catch his breath from the exertion of running up to you. There’s a softness in his expression that makes your chest tighten, and it’s enough to make you lose focus on everything else. The exhaustion, the doubt, the ache in your chest𑁋all of it vanishes when you look at him. 

Truthfully, you missed him too. You always do. 

“You’re such a dork,” You prod, trying to suppress the soft warmth that spreads through your chest. You know he’s only teasing, but his concern still cuts deeper than you expect. “See? I'm alive and breathing.” 

Chan eyes you suspiciously, before grabbing ahold of his skateboard from under his arm. “Alright, if you say so…”

Before he could place the skateboard on the ground, you stop him.

“Wait, Chan.”

Chan shoots his attention back to you, and perhaps that’s enough to make your legs feel like jelly and your throat to go dry. You hesitate, biting back the emotions threatening to spill out of your mouth, but something about the softness in Chan’s gaze makes it feel like this is the right time to let it out. Even if it’s just a little bit. 

Without thinking, you take a step forward, then another, and another, before leaning in to gently let your head fall on his shoulder. Chan freezes, his body tensing at the sudden contact. For a second, you wonder if you’ve done something wrong, but then he exhales, his warmth radiating against your temple. You don’t notice the way his hand hovers uncertainly over your back, contemplating, before he ultimately brings it back to his side. 

“I got my results for an exam today,” You admit quietly. 

Chan thinks he knows where this is going, breathing out a defeated, “Oh. Did it… I mean, did you𑁋”

“I passed,” You mutter with a slight chuckle. “With flying colours.”

Chan doesn’t respond immediately, the only sound being the gentle rustling of the evening breeze. You can feel his shoulder shift slightly under your head, not out of discomfort, but then you feel his arm gently slide over your shoulders, pulling you a little closer to him. Maybe you’re close enough to the point he can feel your heartbeat. 

“Then why do you sound so down?” he asks. “If you passed, you should… you should be celebrating, right? That’s a big deal.”

“I am celebrating.” You huff out a breath. “Now that you’re here, I-I could celebrate.”

Chan tenses at that, like your words rendered him speechless. “Because… because I’m here?” 

You nod lightly against his shoulder. “It’s… easier to breathe when you’re here, I guess.” And then you smile faintly, even Chan can feel it. “Don’t let that get to your head, though.” 

But it does. It does go to Chan’s head in more ways than one as he feels that familiar heat crawl up his neck from how those words fall naturally off your lips, like it was such a normal thing to say. And no, it doesn’t fuel the prideful ego he claims he has, doesn’t make him smug or self-assured; no, it goes straight directly to his heart, as your words always do. He’s glad the dim evening light hides the full extent of his reaction, but he knows his heart isn’t probably nearly as subtle.

And when you lift your head off his shoulder and pull away slightly, he can’t help but stare at you. You don’t say anything either, the words sitting in the air between you. But then you smile𑁋tiredly, genuinely, not forced or hiding anything𑁋and the first thought that comes to his head is that… you’re beautiful. 

“You reek of sweat,” You suddenly point out teasingly, scrunching your nose. “How many hours did you stay at the damn park?” 

“Oh, you know, only a good seven hours,” Chan replies sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. “Plus I did go to the gym with Soonyoung too…”

“And let me guess, no knee pads or helmet?” You ask with a raised eyebrow. 

Chan opens his mouth in defense. “Well, I𑁋”

“Alright, I’ve heard enough,” You cut him off playfully, rolling your eyes dramatically. 

Then Chan lightly nudges you with the skateboard. “At least you’ll be there to patch me up, yeah?” 

“Nope, sorry, I’m leaving you at the mercy of the cranky ER nurses,” You tell him, wiggling a dismissive finger toward his face. 

Chan just steps back up to you, a twinkle of mischief that you capture in his eyes, before he grabs hold of the skateboard under his arm and shoves it in your hold, a low oof escaping out of your mouth. Then you watch with a scoff as he brushes past you and into your apartment building, and you jog to catch up with him.

“What the hell are you doing, Chan?” You call out after him, trying to juggle the weight of the skateboard in your hands. Chan glances over his shoulder with that signature grin of his𑁋half playful, half smug𑁋and it’s enough to make you want to smack him with the board. “And take this thing back, I’m not carrying it! Lee Chan!” 

Chan looks back at you with his tongue sticking out, before disappearing around the corner. “Sorry, I’m going to use your shower!” 

And for the first time the entire day, the laugh that leaves you is real. A real, genuine laugh that comes from deep in your chest, bubbling up before you can stop it.

“Hey, Lee Dino! You’re up!”

Chan picks his head up from where he sat on the bench, scrunching the empty water bottle and aimlessly tossing it in the trash bin beside him. He stands up, tugging his shirt off that was nearly drenched in sweat and throwing it aside near his belongings. The cool air of the afternoon hits his skin, caressing over the tattoos that paint his skin. 

His muscles flex as he stretches his arms above his head, relieving whatever tension was flowing through his body. The key factor to skateboarding is balance, but it’s also about rhythm𑁋finding the flow between body and board, and Chan knows it all too well. 

He inhales deeply, eyes scanning the open park in front of him, full of potential for the next challenge.

“Let’s see what you got today, Lee Dino,” Chan mutters to himself, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips.

Dino. A self-proclaimed nickname that was at first given to him by his father when he was just a kid and fascinated by the strength and coolness of dinosaurs in those silly comic books. His dad had joked that he wanted his son to dominate the world like the dinosaurs once did, and that nickname stuck ever since. It felt fitting to Chan, even now.

He strides confidently toward the half-pipe, his worn-out skateboard tucked under his arm. Placing the skateboard on the ground, he pushes it back and forth a few times with his foot, the wheels scraping the pavement below. He eyes the ramp ahead, its steep curve teasing him, almost daring him to take it head-on. 

Chan doesn’t hesitate.

In one singular, fluid motion, he plants one foot on the board and pushes forward, flying off with a burst of energy that propels him toward the ramp. The world around him blurs for a split second as his focus narrows entirely on the slope ahead. His heart races, not out of fear but exhilaration. The crowd that had gathered around the park watches, a mix of awe and excitement in their eyes.

He hits the curve of the ramp, leaning into it just the right amount, and in one smooth motion, he launches himself into the air. The adrenaline kicks in, but it’s all muscle memory that fills him𑁋he knows exactly how to control his body.

Time seems to pause and the world around goes on mute as he floats above the ground. The board twists under his feet with the familiar flick of his ankle. His body moves effortlessly, adjusting for the perfect landing, and searching for the right second to take in a deep breath. 

He lands back on the pavement with the grace of a dancer, his knees absorbing the shock of the landing, and the cheers of his friends and his fellow skaters power up to full volume right to his ears when the world comes back to him. But as he rolls around the bowl, his focused eyes are already scanning for the next trick he’s about to perform. 

One trick after another, he continues, smoothly flowing from one move to the next. A quick Ollie here, a grind on the edge there, his body dancing on the board with a sense of freedom following right after him. He can feel the eyes of the crowd who have curiously gathered around the park to watch, but right now, it’s just him and the board. 

One last run, he tells himself. Chan rolls again, more faster this time, building up speed as the seconds of anticipation pass. As he nears the highest point of the ramp, he shifts his weight and takes in one last deep breath. He’s going for a bigger one this time. A heelflip, followed by a 360-degree spin mid-air.

The muscle memory kicks in again as he pushes off for one final time. He feels the rush, the levity to his bones that make him fly, the thrill as the world spins around him. But as he spins, something doesn’t quite feel right, and he could sense it right away. A rush of cold wind catches him off-balance, and for a split second, he hesitates mid-air, yet he’s just a millisecond too late. 

It’s a tiny moment𑁋one probably wouldn’t be able to notice it from how fast he was going𑁋but it’s enough to throw him off. His body is barely in the perfect alignment it needs to be. Panic flashes through his eyes.

And his heart sinks as he realises he’s not going to stick the landing.

Chan manages to land the board, but it’s far from the smooth he was expecting, slamming harshly that his body doesn’t fully absorb the shock. His right foot misses the edge of the deck just slightly, and the board wobbles beneath him. He tries to adjust quickly, but the momentum carries him a bit too far, and before he knows it, he’s stumbling off the side and onto the rocky ground, the skateboard shooting out from under him and skidding into one of the nearby flatrails. 

“Shit,” he mutters to himself. 

Collective gasps ripple through the air as he finds himself laying flat on the ground, his breathing heavy. Chan rolls onto his side, groaning in frustration.

“Man, you good?” Vernon’s voice pops in, the boy picking up Chan’s skateboard and jogging towards him. “That looked like a bad fall.”

Chan pushes himself up from the ground, shaking his head and laughing lightly, wiping his palms against the asphalt and feeling the sting of scraped skin. The fall had been harsh, his body aching slightly from the impact, but the sting is nothing compared to the frustration burning in his chest. He’s taken worse falls before, but this one felt different. This time, he knew he should’ve nailed it.

Maybe he was a bit too cocky. A bit too confident than he needed to be. 

“Yeah, I’m good, dude.” He grabs hold of Vernon’s outstretched hand and stands back up on his feet with a grimace. “Guess I miscalculated that a bit, huh?”

“You sure about that?” Vernon asks skeptically, handing Chan back his skateboard. “You look like you’ve taken a hit.”

Chan just chuckles, downplaying himself playfully. “Nah, I’m fine. Maybe just a little bit of a bruised ego.”

But even with that, his mind races, still replaying the trick, analysing the split-second mistakes he made. Why had he hesitated? Was he not focused enough? Was it the wind? Or maybe, was it that nagging feeling of doubt that had crept in when he least expected it?

“You’ve been pushing yourself harder lately,” Vernon says, eyeing him knowingly. “You’re going to burn out if you keep going like this.”

But Chan only shakes his head dismissively. 

“It’s just a slip-up.” Then he pats Vernon on the shoulder. “It’s all good, man.”

But deep down, he’s unsettled. He’s used to pushing through challenges, always looking ahead and striving for the next trick. But now, he feels like something’s holding him back, and it’s not just the fall.

He can’t help but think about you. A while ago when you’d reassured him, telling him he was great and making his heart do flips more than it should. Maybe he hadn’t fully processed it then, but now, with the fall still fresh like a wound, the words hold more poundage than ever. The words he told himself about his worth, the words you told him about his greatness… they don’t seem to line up with the failure he feels now. Maybe you were just saying it to make him feel better. 

Or maybe he really isn’t as great as everyone thinks. 

Because if you𑁋the one person who knew him best𑁋saw something in him, then maybe it was real. Maybe his greatness wasn’t just an illusion he crafted to keep himself from falling apart.

Later that evening, Chan finds himself taking a mindless hit of his vape. The skatepark has cleared away at this point, leaving only him and Vernon sitting on the edge of the half-pipe, the cool night air settling over the empty ramps and rails. The rush of adrenaline from earlier is now long gone, replaced by a quiet hum of exhaustion and contemplation.

Chan exhales slowly, watching the vapour dissipate into the dead of night, the faint flavour of Sour Fucking Fab coating his tongue. The nicotine buzzes in his veins, a distraction𑁋temporary, but enough.

His fingers absentmindedly tap against his skateboard, the frustration from earlier still simmering beneath his skin. Vernon leans back on his elbows, glancing at him with that same knowing look he always has when Chan is overthinking.

“You wanna talk about it now?” Vernon finally asks after exhaling a cloud of vapour of his own, leaning back on his palms.

Chan lets out a dry chuckle, shaking his head. “Not really.”

Vernon doesn’t push. He never does, seemingly having the unbotheredness that could rival a rock. The boy just nods, stretching his legs out in front of him, letting the silence do the talking instead. They sit there for a while, watching the overhead lamps flicker across the park, and the occasional car passing by.

Chan lets his legs dangle over the edge of the ramp, his skateboard resting beside him, scuffed and worn from years of practice. He takes another slow drag of his vape and drops his back down on the cool pavement below, sealing his eyes shut. 

“You good?” Vernon asks again, his voice cutting through the silence. 

Chan blinks, shaking himself out of it. “Yeah. Just thinking.”

“About your fall?”

Chan hums noncommittally. “Among other things.”

Vernon leans back against the rail, watching him closely. “You’ve been weird lately.”

Chan only lets out a breathy chuckle, yet doesn’t respond right away. It’s funny how one fall is enough to mess with his head. He just blankly stares up ahead at the night sky. He doesn’t have an answer. At least, not one he’s ready to say out loud. But Chan knows Vernon, and Vernon knows him, and he’s not going to let this go that easily.

“Do you think I’m actually good at this?” he asks suddenly, voice quieter than before.

Vernon turns his head slightly, eyes narrowing. “At skating?”

“Yeah.” Chan swallows the lump in his throat. “Or at anything, really.”

Vernon frowns puzzledly, sitting up properly. “Dude, what are you talking about? You’re literally one of the best skaters here."

“Yeah, but what if I’m just… I don’t know, pretending?” The words come out before Chan can stop them. “What if I’m just tricking myself into thinking I’m great when I’m really just average?”

Vernon studies him for a long while before letting out a slow breath. “Man, if that were true, you wouldn’t be out here busting your ass every day till the crack of dawn. You wouldn’t get back up after a fall. You wouldn’t care this much.”

Chan doesn’t respond right away, only pushing himself back off the ground. Then his mind drifts again, back to you𑁋your head resting in his lap, the way you looked up at him with something unreadable in your gaze. The impact of your words still lingers. You’re really great yourself. Like, better-than-I-deserve great.

“Have you ever thought that… maybe people see you as something more than you really are?”

Vernon lifts up a brow. “You’re speaking hieroglyphics.”

Chan scoffs annoyedly, running a hand through his messy hair. “Like, they think you’re this… great person, right? Someone who’s got it all figured out or whatever. But then, you screw up. And suddenly, you don’t know if you’re actually that person, or if they just convinced themselves you were.”

Vernon eyes him conspicuously. “Dude. That’s just imposter syndrome.”

A dry laugh leaves Chan. “Well, shit.”

“Okay, so you mess up one fall and suddenly you’re questioning your entire existence?” 

Chan snorts, but there’s no real amusement behind it. “Maybe.”

Vernon stares at him a little longer, a little harder, then sighs. 

“It isn’t just about the fall, is it?” 

Chan hesitates, his fingers tightening around his vape. He wants to say yes𑁋that it’s just about the fall, just about that one pivotal mistake𑁋but he knows it’s not. He knows Vernon is right.

Because if it were just about the fall, he wouldn’t feel this restless. He wouldn’t be sitting here, staring at the cracks in the pavement like they held the answers to all the questions buzzing in his head.

And the thought of you wouldn’t keep creeping into his mind, either.

He smiles faintly at the thought of you, and he swears he could almost feel the warmth of your body when you laid your head on his shoulder the other day. 

Maybe falling𑁋on the board, for you, for everything𑁋wasn’t the worst thing in the world.

Maybe he just had to figure out how to land.

“You ever think that maybe no one’s expecting you to be perfect except yourself?” Vernon questions suddenly. 

Chan turns to look at him in surprise. 

“Think about it.” Then the boy breathes out a cloud of vapour, hitting Chan square in the face, accusingly pointing at him with the mouth of his vape. “And wipe that disgusting lovesick shit off your face.”

Chan chokes from his words. 

“Chan?”

“...hm?”

You lightly flick the tip of your pencil on his head, causing him to stir in front of you. The two of you were in the library of your campus, and Chan for some reason voluntarily wanted to come with you, despite it being one of your boring study sessions. He’s sitting in the chair right across from you, hoodie over his face and face buried in his arms on the table, clearly dozing off.

“You’re sleeping,” You say, raising a brow. “Why did you even come if you were just gonna pass out on me?”

Chan slowly lifts his head, eyes heavy with drowsiness. His hair is a mess, sticking up in odd angles, and his face is creased from where he had pressed it against his arms. He blinks sluggishly at you, eyes still heavy with sleep, but there’s something else there𑁋something softer, something warm. 

“Mmm… moral support?” Then he shoots a glance towards your opened textbook and computer screen. “I barely understand any of the shit you’re studying anyway.”

You roll your eyes, fighting the smile threatening to spread across your face. “You could’ve just stayed home and slept, you know.”

“That’s boring,” he groans, rubbing his eyes before propping his chin on his palm. He studies your bare face𑁋tired eyes, a bit of breakout to your cheek, the way you chew on your bottom lip when you’re frustrated. “Talk to me.”

“About what?”

“Anything. I don’t know𑁋your shitty commute to school or if that one shitty nurse bothered you today. Just talk to me.” 

You sigh, stretching your arms above your head before setting your pencil on top of your textbook. You could feel Chan’s eyes waiting for you as you try to rack your brain for anything to talk about. Anything that didn’t revolve around you practically moping through your coursework the entire day. 

And then your face lights up.

“A baby held onto my finger last night,” You say, eyes softening from the memory. “Her name is Nabi, and she was sooo tiny, Chan, you have no idea. She wasn’t even my patient, so I had to sneak inside the nursery to see her, but…” You lean back in the chair, glancing down at your calloused fingertips from all the times you’ve practiced sutures. “I don’t know. She wrapped her tiny hand around my finger, then all I felt… was peace. It was relaxing. I haven’t felt peace like that in a long time.” 

Now that’s an image that comes to Chan's head. 

For a moment, like a spell, he’s lost in it. His mind wanders, as it always does when he lets himself think about you too much. He can imagine you there, looking down at Nabi with that quiet wonder in your eyes, watching you care for this tiny life. He pictures you cradling a baby of your own with the same peaceful look on your face as you guide them gently through the world. 

And the thought hits him like a tidal wave: You’d be an incredible mother.

It’s not something he’s imagined before, not something he’s consciously thought of. But now that you’ve said it, now that you single-handedly planted the concept in his head, he can’t push it away. He’s seen it when you did volunteer work for young children back in high school, seen it when you showed him pictures of you cradling the newborn baby of your cousin with the fondest look on your face. He can see it so clearly. 

“You’d be a great mom,” he blurts out suddenly, and he hardly processes the words until after they’ve left his mouth.

You blink at him, dazed. “What?” 

Chan clears his throat awkwardly, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. “I-I just think you’d be really good at it. You’ve always been great with kids, so…”

You blink at him again, unsure of what to say, and he can’t quite tell what you’re thinking in your head. But in reality, his words seem to hit you more than you expected. Perhaps you’ve been too caught up in your studies that it’s hard to imagine that kind of future for you right now. Yet, if somehow, life gave you that kind of situation, then maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. 

Maybe this would all be worth it in the end. 

And so, you smile. It’s a small, just barely noticeable quirk of your lips, but it’s soft, and for some reason, it makes Chan’s heart skip.

“Yeah,” You murmur quietly. “Maybe.” 

“Nabi was lucky to have you there, though,” Chan adds in. “Maybe she also felt peace too.” 

You peer at him with an amused look. “Are you getting a soft spot for babies now?” Then you scoff sarcastically. “I guess the tough-looking skater boy can get soft, after all.”

“Don’t tell anyone,” he jokes, trying to brush off the warmth spreading across his chest. “I’ve got a reputation to maintain.”

You could only roll your eyes. “Sure, I’ll keep your secret, buttercup.”

Chan just chuckles. He doesn’t mind being the soft version of himself with you. He doesn’t have to wear the hard exterior that everyone expects from him: the reckless skater with tough edges who never cracks under pressure. It’s easy, he thinks, to be soft around you. It’s easy for you to make him soft in the first place, with just a single glance, a smile, just you. 

The room grows quiet now, other students filing their way out of the library for the night, leaving only the two of you. You glance down at your work, but your thoughts drift, still lingering on the conversation, and on Chan. You notice how his gaze has relaxed, lips curled like he’s trying to hide a smile. You don’t mind it𑁋this side of him. The one that feels less like a skating rebel and more like a person you’re learning to understand more every day.

He watches you as you get back to your work, highlighting parts of your textbook with that quiet concentration that he admires. It’s occasions like these when he finds himself noticing even the smallest details about you. 

Yet his mind keeps repeating about the peace you mentioned, and there’s a sudden urge in him to bring it back to you.

“Come on.” He rises from the seat, stretching his arms over his head before grabbing his skateboard from where it rests against the table. “Let’s get out of here for a bit.”

You blink at him, confused. “What?”

“You need a break,” he states simply. “And I need to clear my head too. Let’s go do something𑁋anything but this.” He gestures at your pile of notes and textbooks like they personally offended him.

You stare at him like he’s proposed the most ridiculous thing in the world, hesitation making you stiffen. You glance between your opened textbook and unfinished papers. You still have a lot to study, and it looms over you like a cloud. But then you meet Chan’s eyes, and your heart gets lodged in your throat.

It’s tempting. More tempting than you want to admit. You bite your lip, considering.

“Chan.” You narrow your eyes at him. “You’re on thin ice right now.”

“Oh, come on,” he coaxes, tiling his head amusedly as if he knows he’s getting under your skin. “Just for a little bit, please?”

You groan, throwing your head back dramatically. “You’re a bad influence.”

“I’m a wondrous influence, thank you,” he corrects smugly, already swinging his backpack over his shoulder. “Now come on. Pack all that gross knowledge up.” 

“Just so you’re aware, one day all this shit could help me find some revolutionary cure in the future,” You point out while stuffing all your belongings in your backpack. “Catch me on the front page of the New York Times.”

Chan smiles at that. Honestly, with already knowing how smart and studious you are, he wouldn’t even be surprised if that someday were to happen. He’s never once doubted your abilities, never once doubted that you’ll potentially save the world in some way, shape, or form, never once doubted that you’ll accomplish great things. 

“Alright, whatever, as long as you don’t forget about me,” Chan says as you pack the last of your belongings.

You hit him gently on the shoulder. “I’d never do that to you.”

Chan’s heart does the familiar jump once again. 

The two of you make your way out of the library, the cool night air hitting your skin as soon as you step outside. Campus is quieter at this hour, streetlights casting long shadows over the pavement. Chan hops onto his skateboard with ease, gliding a few feet ahead before spinning back around to face you, rolling backwards.

“Okay, so… what’s the plan?” You ask him.

He pretends to think, tapping his chin dramatically. “We could get ice cream.”

“It’s freezing, idiot.”

“Or we could break into the football field and stare at the sky like we’re in some coming-of-age movie.”

You scoff airily. “We’re not breaking into anything, Chan.”

“Ugh, you’re boringgggg,” he exaggerates teasingly, but there’s no real disappointment in his voice. He kicks off again, rolling beside you as you walk. Then, as if something clicks in his head, his expression shifts and his face brightens up. “I know what we’re doing.”

You narrow your eyes at him suspiciously. “I don’t like the sound of that.”

Chan merely grins, and you know you have to give in. “You’ll love it, trust me.”

That’s exactly what someone who is about to get you in trouble would say.

Chan’s place has always been so… Chan. He shares it with another roommate𑁋a chill guy named Vernon who you’ve interacted a few times when you would visit the skatepark. The apartment is dimly lit, a shelf at the corner of the slightly unkempt living room containing a collection of vinyls and old CDs.

Posters of old rock bands and underground artists fill the walls. There’s another skateboard propped up by the door right next to a disorganised row of shoes and a stand propping up an electric guitar. The living room table is littered with books about sports you aren’t familiar with, loose papers, and a bong sitting casually beside an ashtray that contained some old rolled-up joints. 

It’s been a while since you’ve visited his place personally as you’re used to him visiting you instead. It looks a bit different this time, some new furniture and decorations added that you haven’t seen before, but it still oozes the familiar comfort rightfully belonging to Chan. 

“Bro, can you turn it down a little?” You hear Chan knocking a few times on Vernon’s door.

A voice is muffled on the other side, then the door swings open, and Vernon’s head pops out from the room. The two of them exchange a few words before Vernon turns his head to shoot you an acknowledgement.

“Yo, Y/N,” he greets you casually.

“Hey, Vernon,” You respond back with a quick smile. 

Vernon faces back to Chan, glancing between the two of you, before poking him in the chest and muttering quietly, “Don’t fuck this up with her, man.”

Chan just swats Vernon’s hand away with a scowl, feeling the heat spread up to his ears. “Shut up.”

Vernon just shoots a knowing smirk before heading back into his room. You hear the music from inside lower slightly, yet still audible through the walls. Chan turns back to you, and you catch him fiddling lightly with one of his ears, but you don’t question it.

“Want something to drink?” he asks, slipping past you to head into the small kitchen area.

You give a nod. “Sure.”

You watch as he rummages through the refrigerator, half-expecting for him to pull out two bottles of beer or even just plain water. But instead, he fishes out two small juice boxes, sending you back to old memories of your middle school lunches and lazy summer days at the skatepark, and you bite back a chuckle. 

He throws one to you, and you catch it mid-air.

“Seriously?” You question while stabbing the straw through the carton. 

Chan only shrugs. “They’re Vernon’s. He bought them in bulk last time he got shit-faced high. Said they were ‘the peak of human invention’ or whatever.”

You roll your eyes, but when you take a sip, Chan watches in amusement as you dive in for more. 

“Told you. Peak of human invention,” he muses while taking a sip of his own. “Our middle school has to take notes.” 

“For sure,” You agree wistfully, sitting yourself down at the arm of the couch. “Alright, so what’s this grand plan of yours?”

A mischievous glint flickers in Chan’s eyes, and he disappears for a few minutes inside his room. When he comes back out, he has a few blankets hung over his shoulder.

“Rooftop,” he chimes eagerly with a grin.

You lift up a brow, eyeing him with skepticism. “I… Are we even allowed up there?”

Chan merely shakes his head, already walking toward the window where the fire escape is. “Nope.”

You groan but follow him anyway because, despite everything, you trust him. He’s always been the reckless one, the one who always takes risks, the one who hardly thinks before acting, but somehow, whenever you’re with him, you never feel unsafe.

The climb up the fire escape is easy, and soon, the two of you are on the rooftop, looking out over the other unappealing suburban apartment buildings beneath your feet. There’s a slight inkling of fear that you’ll get caught up here, but at this point, would it be the worst thing in the world? The answer is quite easy. 

The night air is cool, a minor breeze driving through the air, blending with the soft music Chan plays from his phone. He spreads out the blankets, plopping down with an exaggerated sigh before patting the space next to him.

You settle down beside him, tucking your knees up to your chest. The streetlights ahead cast golden halos to the ground below, and for a few moments, neither of you decide to speak. But it isn’t uncomfortable per se𑁋far from it, honestly. It’s just a simple silence where words aren’t necessary to fill it. 

“Junior year, Christmas break,” Chan says after a long pause, glancing toward you with a fixed look. “Senior year for you.” 

You take a contemplative sip of your juice box. “The time you gaslighted me into running away with you for a night? Right before that embarrassing Christmas party at my house?”

“I was a pretty bad kid back then, wasn’t I?” Chan chuckles softly at the thought. 

“Yeah, dude, what the hell happened to you? You used to be this scrawny little kid who spread rumours about snakes being at the playground so that other classes wouldn’t come.” You lean back on the blanket with him, exhaling a deep sigh. “Now you’re all… responsible and weirdly philosophical.” 

Chan eyes you with a raised brow. “You haven’t changed.”

“I haven’t?”

“Nope. You’re still the same stubborn smartass girl who’d rather kill themselves in textbooks than touch grass once in a while.”

“Okay. Rude, first of all.” Then you lift your gaze up towards stars, and something in your chest aches. “But I guess some things never change, yeah?”

Chan stares up towards the sky as well, watching the same stars as you. “Yeah, I guess not.” 

The two of you sit in another pit of comfortable silence for a while. You feel his shoulder brush against yours as he adjusts himself on the blanket, and for a brief second, your breath catches. It’s such a small thing𑁋his warmth seeping into your skin, his presence right beside you𑁋but it makes your stomach flutter in a way you don’t want to acknowledge.

You turn your head slightly to catch a glance of him. The sleeves of his hoodie have ridden up, revealing the large tattoo on his arm. You could tell how intricately designed the ink is on his skin, lines and shapes weaving together in patterns you can’t quite decipher but are distinctly, undeniably Chan.

“You ever think about it?”

“Huh?” You utter out.

“The future.” 

You blink at him with surprise. Chan isn’t usually the type to dwell on these things. He lives in the moment, takes on whatever the hell life throws at him. If anything, you were usually the one to think about the future. You were always known for having a plan for everything, knowing exactly the kind of path you’ll take. But now, it seems more unclear than ever. 

“I… don’t know,” You admit unsurely. “I think about what I want to do, who I want to be. But when I think about it now, with everything going on, I…” You find your voice trailing away, guilt slithering up your spine. “It’s hard to imagine it now.” 

The only response you hear from Chan is a low hum, before he clears his throat. 

“I think you’d be happy.” 

Your breath catches. “What?”

He turns his head to look at you, his eyes soft even under the night sky. “I think that no matter where you end up, no matter what you do… you’ll be happy. You deserve to be.”

Something warm unfurls in your chest, like a flower coming in full bloom. You don’t know what to say to that, and even if you did, you wouldn’t be able to let it out. Your throat suddenly feels dry, your hands clammy, and you force yourself to look away in a flash to blink back some heat in your eyes. 

Chan notices the pensive look to your face, but doesn’t push for anything more. He sits himself up on the blanket, taking a quick hit of his vape before exhaling a thin cloud of vapour into the night air. You fix your eyes on him, the dim light casting shadows over his face as he exhales. 

His gaze drifts out to the neighbourhood of buildings ahead, but he seems to be lost in thought, withdrawn, like he’s fighting with himself about something he doesn’t know how to voice. The silence stretches again, but this time it’s heavier, different𑁋more intimate than you’re used to.

Then, you clear your throat. “We should probably head back soon.”

Chan doesn’t move from his spot on the blanket. “Yeah. Probably.”

But neither of you make an effort to actually get up. He wordlessly offers you his vape without looking, and you hesitate momentarily before shamelessly taking it from him, inhaling a little too deeply, but not caring enough to stop𑁋just to feel something other than this. The taste is odd at first, unfamiliar, but it quickly becomes something soothing in the cool night air as you breathe it out. You pass it back to him, your fingers brushing over the warm skin of his hand.

“Y/N?”

Your heart stutters when he calls your name. “Yeah?”

Hesitation lingers in the air. Chan sucks in a deep breath. 

“You’re my favourite person, you know?”

Your breath gets caught in your throat at that, but you quickly mask it by giving him a playful shove in the arm, probably ruining the sentimental moment.

“I know, idiot,” You retort playfully, hoping it would be enough to hide the way your heart is racing. “You’ve told me that many times already.”

Chan just shakes his head, his expression unreadable. “I mean it.”

Your fingers nervously knead at the fabric of the blanket pooling around you. You can’t get yourself to look at him. You can’t.

Because you know. You know exactly what he’s saying.

And you don’t know what to do about it.

So instead, you swallow hard, keeping your gaze ahead. “You’re mine too, Chan.”

Chan doesn’t respond right away, and you don’t catch the faint smile that was beginning to bloom across his face. There’s a sigh that leaves his lips, almost one of relief, and he leans back on the palm of his hands, his eyes glued to your side profile.

“Yeah,” he mutters softly. “I know.” 

Neither of you say anything more.

“Okay, listen, here’s the catch. She’s like… really great. Like… she spoils me and all that. It’s so overwhelming,” Soonyoung huffs out after dropping his deadlift and standing up. “I don’t know how to be a good boyfriend for her! I’ve never dated anyone before! How the hell do I ask her to go to the movies with me?” 

Chan is listening. Well, not entirely𑁋Soonyoung’s words seems to be going in one ear and flowing out the other. He’s been listening to the older boy’s rant about this sudden new addition to his dry love life, the best part being that it’s his older sister’s best friend. Chan nods along anyway, keeping his gaze fixed on the gym floor as he absently rolls his water bottle between his palms.

Soonyoung only continues to ramble, pacing a little in front of him with his hands to his hips. “Like, what if I mess it up? What if she realises I have no idea what I’m doing and decides I’m not worth it? Or what if I’m too much?”

Chan hums, taking a long drawl of his water. “If she’s with you, she probably already thinks you’re too much, bro.”

The older boy shoots him a measly glare, popping down on the bench right next to him. “Wow, thanks, genius. You’re sooo encouraging. You’ve never been in love before, anyway.” 

When Soonyoung snatches his water bottle, a few beats of silence fills the air. Chan continues to stare down at the gym floor like it contains all the answers in the world, all the answers he’ll never have, and Soonyoung gives him a few curious looks. And then, it clicks in his head.

“Wait a damn minute.” Soonyoung fixes his posture right away as his eyes widen, sitting up straighter. “Chan𑁋”

“Man, you really are blind are you?” Chan retorts with an amused click of his tongue. “No wonder you suck at being a boyfriend.”

“Shut up!” Soonyoung shoves him in the arm, before grabbing him by the shoulders like he’s just made the greatest discovery in history. “No way, is it Y/N? It’s Y/N, right?”

Chan’s reaction is immediate, the sound of your name already sending those familiar flutters to the pit of his stomach. This only makes Soonyoung beam up even more, and Chan already knows that the older boy will take this right into his damn grave. 

He tries to pry Soonyoung off him, but he only relents.

Soonyoung is practically vibrating with excitement. “Dude, wow, didn’t you used to tell me you were going to marry her or something?’

“Why the hell do you still remember that?” Chan groans and rubs a defeated, embarrassed hand over his face. “I was, like, fifteen. A dumb, didn’t know their right-from-left kid. She was way out of my league at the time.” 

“But not anymore.”

Chan rolls his eyes. “You’re insufferable.”

“Come on, look at you! You’re hot, like a total eye-catcher and mouth-drooler material. Of course she’d be into you,” Soonyoung persists, a mischievous grin spreading across his face. “Literally anybody would swoon over you.” 

Chan rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. “It’s different now, though. Med school is swallowing her whole, and she barely has time to breathe anymore. Besides, it’s just… complicated, you know?” 

“You’re each other’s person,” Soonyoung affirms with confidence. “Don’t forget that.” 

Chan’s heart thrums loudly at that. Now, the only thing he could think about was his conversation with you the other night. He can still feel the soft brush of your shoulder against his, the comfort of your presence beside him. You’re my favourite person, he had said; You’re mine too, you had said. It echoes in his mind like a tenacious virus infecting his thoughts. It’s true, he knows it is. You’re his person.

The big question is, though, how the hell does he gain the courage to finally face it?

Chan had never been the one to overthink things. He’s always been the careless kind. But with you, he finds himself replaying every single little memory with you, and it makes him almost want to combust. 

Running a hand through his sweat-dampened hair, Chan grimaces, tapping his foot out of unease.

“Love really is a piece of shit,” he mutters. 

Soonyoung leans back on the bench with a reflective sigh. “Yeah, it really is.” 

Chan side-eyes the older boy for a second, nudging him lightly in the shoulder. “Let me give you a piece of advice then.”

Soonyoung turns to face him with a puzzled look.

Chan just smirks, shoving Soonyoung in the forehead with his index finger.

“Stop being a pussy and your girlfriend𑁋do I need to spell it out for you? Your girlfriend𑁋to the damn movies already, you loser.” 

No, this is not happening.

A tear squeezes past your eye and lands somewhere by your feet as you stare at the bold, unforgiving letters of the word FAIL written at the very top of an exam you took the other day. You will yourself to blink as if it would miraculously make the words change, for some mistake to have been made. But nothing changes. The numbers don’t rearrange themselves, the percentage doesn’t miraculously rise above the passing threshold. It stays there𑁋permanent, irreversible, mocking like a goddamn clown. 

No, no, no, no.

Your throat tightens.

This is the fourth exam you failed in a row. You had studied until your eyes dried up and burned, pushed yourself past the brink of exhaustion, drained every last drop of energy you had left into preparing for this exam, hoping to make up for the list of others you scored below average on. You sacrificed sleep, skipped meals, ignored texts from friends. And for what? For fucking what? 

For this shit? 

Your vision swims.

Your pulse hammers loudly right to your ears, loud enough you’re sure it could drown out any kind of sound. Your knuckles tighten its grip around the paper until they turn white, nails digging into the palm of your hand. 

Your breath hitches, and suddenly, it feels like the walls around you are closing, eager to shut you in. The room suddenly shrinks into a confined space that’s hard to properly breathe, the air too thick, your own skin too suffocating to be in. Your heart pounds painfully against your ribs, and a cold sweat trickles down the back of your neck.

You had been barely holding it together as it was, restrained by the threats of burnout. Long nights, endless studying, the constant weariness sitting heavily on your bones. And now? Now you have proof that none of it was enough. That none of it was worth it. That you weren’t enough.

A ding from your phone startles you out of your thoughts for a split second. You barely manage to catch the notification that jumps at you.

[10:37pm | dumbass 🛹] y/n?? are you okay? i don’t know what’s happening, but your friend jeonghan ran into me saying about how you ran away crying??

A choked sob escapes you before you’re able to stop it. You can feel the anxiety creeping its way from down your feet and up through your bones. You hardly realise how much you’re trembling from your hardened grip on your phone.

[10:39pm | dumbass 🛹] y/n answer me please i know you’re not okay

A cold panic grips your chest achingly𑁋you’re sure there’s a bruise there forming in some disgusting mental form. 

What does this mean for you?

Your future?

Your dream?

[10:43pm | dumbass 🛹] y/n please i’m worried about you. i care for you so so much

There’s a tug at your heartstring at his text, but then you feel another tug, one that’s more stronger, more desperate. It’s almost as if the final nail to the coffin had been hammered. You crumple the piece of paper in your hand aggressively before flailing it somewhere across your apartment. There’s a darkness that seems to loom right over you, goosebumps dancing up and down your skin as you sit yourself down at the edge of your bed.

One last ding from your phone.

[10:47pm | dumbass 🛹] i’m coming over, okay? stay there for me, y/n i’ll be there in 5 mins

You stare at the screen of your phone, the words blurry through the tears that won’t stop raging down your face. You can barely process Chan’s messages. You know he’s worried. You know he’s trying to be there for you, but the weight of failure seems to crush your body like a boulder, and you aren’t even sure if you have the willpower to face him. 

You can’t let him see you like this. You can’t allow him to see this weak, vulnerable, and ugly part of you. You can’t. 

Time seems to tick by slowly as you pace around your room, but at every angle, all you can see is your scattered textbooks, the countless notes you’ve taken that never seemed to stick into your brain like it was meant to. All you see is the so-called effort that kicked you right back to this point. Your mind races with a million thoughts, each one a reminder of how much you’ve failed, how much you’ve fallen short of the finish line. The clock ticks mercilessly, and before you even realise it, Chan is at your door.

You freeze.

The knocks are insistent. Suddenly, the thought of Chan allows you to exhale a deep breath; the first, real one. 

“Y/N? Open the door, please,” Chan urges, voice muffled through the door. 

You could only stand there, staring at the door as if it could open by itself. Your heart is pounding even faster, your mind screaming at you to do something. You can just yell back that you’re fine𑁋that there’s nothing to worry about, but the truth is that you don’t fucking know what’s wrong with you.

“Y/N, please… I’m not going anywhere. Just… let me in.”

The pure softness to his voice seeps through the door and hits you square in the chest, and something inside your cracks. You know you should let him in, but your failure feels so raw, so final, that it’s hard to imagine someone, especially someone like Chan, still wanting to be around you.

And yet, he’s here, attempting to reach you.

Taking a deep breath, you wipe away your tears, and against every thought in your mind telling you to retreat, you reach out and open the door.

On the other side, Chan stands with an arm leaning against the doorframe, his dark hair tousled and messy from the wind, his breathing rapid and fast like he’s just run from the other side of the world just to get to you. The thought only deepens the cut even farther. 

“Y/N…” His voice falters immediately at the sight of your face: puffy, reddened eyes, your body shaking like the world is crumbling right at your feet. 

His heart lurches at the sight, jaw tightening slightly as his instincts to protect you, to lash out at whatever did this to you, flare up. He doesn't even hesitate. Without another word, Chan steps forward, his arms wrapping around you in an instant, pulling you against his chest. You don’t do anything but fall right into his grasp, and it’s almost as if you fit perfectly in his hold. Like the space was always meant for you. 

You allow yourself to believe it for just a moment. 

“Shit, you’re cold and shaking,” Chan mutters under his breath, tightening his hold around you a little bit more, but you already know the chill comes from somewhere else𑁋somewhere deeper that you know he can’t fix just like that. 

For the first time in what feels like forever, you exhale a breath that doesn’t feel like it’s cutting you from the inside out, your fingers digging desperately into the fabric of his hoodie. You feel the heat radiating off him, the comfort of being in his arms, but a sinking feeling grows heavier in your chest. You don’t deserve this. Not his warmth, not his care, not his worry. You can’t let him in, not like this. 

But for a moment, just for a moment, you do.

“It’s okay,” he murmurs, his breath hitting the temple of your head. “I’ve got you.”

You swallow a breath at that.

You shouldn’t let him do this. You shouldn’t let yourself melt into him like this, shouldn’t let yourself believe that this is where you belong. Because it isn’t.

Because you know better.

Because you know this warmth is only temporary.

Because you know the second you let yourself rely on him, really rely on him, it’ll all come crashing down.

Slowly, the grip you have on his hoodie loosens, and you start to push yourself off him.

At first, Chan doesn’t notice. His hold on you remains firm, as if he thinks you’re just shifting, adjusting. But then your hands push against his chest𑁋just barely at first; it’s a hesitant, silent plea for distance.

He stiffens.

His hold loosens, just slightly, but his arms don’t drop completely. 

“Y/N?” The way he calls out your name comes out in a mere echo, like his presence is far away, even when it isn’t. Even when he’s just right there in front of you. 

You don’t answer. You just push a little harder. I can’t let myself love you like this. 

And that’s when he lets go. The cold is swift to settle back over your skin, the safety of his warmth disappearing in an instant. Chan looks like he wants to reach for you again, a twitch to his arms that doesn’t go unnoticed, but he doesn’t. He waits.

And that’s somehow worse.

You take a step back, putting more distance where there shouldn’t be any. “You should go.”

Chan flinches like you’ve slapped him, his eyes widening at your words, clearly taken aback, his expression completely faltering. He stays completely still in his spot. 

“What?” He croaks out, his voice cracking weakly. “You can’t just𑁋”

“You don’t have to do this,” You say, forcing the words out even as they feel like shards of glass in your throat. “You don’t have to take care of me.”

“Why won’t you just𑁋” He stops himself, exhaling sharply before lowering his voice. “Why won’t you just let me be here for you?”

“Because it’s not fucking fair, Chan.”

“Bullshit,” he hisses out, but his voice is not angry, just desperate, hurt. “I don’t give a damn about fairness, Y/N. What’s not fair? That I care for you? That I want to be here when you need me? That I…”

“I’m not your responsibility!”

“...I’ve loved you for so fucking long it’s physically killing me inside?”

The truth spills from his lips like a flood he can no longer hold back. Silence swallows the room entirely, your feet sinking into the floor like quicksand. Your breath catches in your throat, and for a moment, the world around you comes to a halt. The tension stirring in the air has enough power to crush you all at once. 

You shut your eyes, willing yourself to feel nothing, willing yourself to pretend like his words didn’t just stab you straight through the heart. 

But they do.

Because you love him. God, you love him so much.

But you can’t give in.

Because if you do, you’ll shatter. And if you shatter, he’ll be the one trying to pick up the pieces.

“You need to leave,” You deadpan, forcing the words out even if they cut through your throat like a knife.

But Chan only stands his ground, and takes a few steps towards you until he’s close enough that you could feel his familiar warmth again. Your hands twitch at your sides as he stands right before you, and for a singular second, you steal a glance down at his lips. 

“Don’t do that,” he urges, leaning in a little more, the edge of your bed from behind pressing into the back of your knees. “Don’t act like this doesn’t mean anything to you.”

Maybe he’s close enough to catch the subtle shakiness to your breath, to see the way your eyelashes imperceptibility flutter, to see the way your lips part ever so slightly. And maybe, just maybe, he’s close enough to make you forget𑁋for a fleeting, dizzying moment𑁋why you’ve spent so long trying to push him away.

If you gave the world one more second, his mouth would be on yours. One more second, and you’d finally know what it feels like to kiss the boy you’ve loved for as long as you can remember.

Yet like a punch to the gut, reality slams into you. 

You swallow hard. “It doesn’t.”

The lie tastes like poison on your tongue.

Chan lets out a broken laugh, shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe you. “You’re a shitty liar, you know that?” His voice comes out hoarse and rough. “You can tell me whatever the hell you want, but I know you, Y/N. I know… I know that you feel something, too.”

You bite down on your lip so hard you swear you could taste blood. You don’t respond. You can’t.

“So just say it,” he presses on desperately, his hands clenched into fists at his side. “Say it, and I’ll go. Say it, and I’ll stay. Look at me in the eyes and tell me I’m wrong. Tell me you don’t love me. God dammit, just give me something, Y/N, please.” 

The way his voice becomes soft and pleading breaks something in you. Right now, you’re staring at the boy who has always been there for you, who has always known you better than you know yourself. The boy who is giving you a chance. A singular chance to pull him back. A singular chance to confess that you’ve loved him since before you knew what the hell the word love even meant. 

And that same boy is staring at you like you’re his whole world, like you’re the only thing keeping everything from falling apart. You want to tell him the truth. You want to throw yourself into his arms and let him hold you together into eternity when you feel like you’re crumbling apart. But you can’t.

Because one day, he’ll wake up and realise that loving you is exhausting. That being around you is suffocating. That he deserves someone who isn’t this broken, utter mess of a failure. 

So you do the only thing you can. You force yourself to break him before he can break you.

“Go home, Chan.”

“No,” he resists firmly, yet a pinch of shakiness to his voice. “Not until you say it… Not until you tell me that you love me too.”

“I don’t love you, Chan.” 

Lie.

Lie.

Lie.

Silence.

You see the exact second the words hit. The exact moment his heart breaks.

You catch the way his body visibly deflates, the way the colour drains out of his face. Every fibre of his form tenses, and Chan swears to himself that he can’t breathe, as if your words completely knocked the wind out of him, tearing his heart out of his chest and right down to the ground. He’s still staring at you, searching your rigid face𑁋for hope, for any hint of regret, for something at this fucking point𑁋but he doesn’t find anything. His lips part slightly as if he was about to say something, but nothing comes out. 

And then slowly, finally, he gives a nod.

“Right,” Chan says quietly, and his words are barren, empty. “Okay.”

He takes a slow step back, then another. And you almost call out to him, almost take it all back, almost tell him the truth𑁋that you love him more than anything, that you’ve loved him since you were kids, that pushing him away is the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do.

But you just clench your fists at your side. Chan stands at your doorway.

Then he turns back to look at you, his hand right on your doorknob, and you can’t read his face, yet you feel the way his eyes are piercing right through you. He pauses. He’s waiting. 

“Goodnight, Y/N,” is the last thing he tells you before crossing onto the other side. 

The second the door clicks shut behind him, your legs give out beneath you. Your entire body trembles as you press a cold hand to your mouth, a loud sob spilling out of you before you could stop the dam from breaking. 

Because you love him.

And you just let him go.

The burning sensation of alcohol runs down Chan’s throat, the bitter taste of beer stinging his tongue.

He finds himself out of breath, standing at the very edge of the half-pipe with his skateboard gripped tightly in his hands. He’s been here for what feels like hours, but the night air is still too cold to shake off the sting in his chest. Skating is the only way he could cope with all the pain, the confusion, the longing, with everything that’s been lingering on his mind every night.

“Dude, are you just going to skate until you die?” Vernon’s voice punches through his thoughts, the boy sitting splat on the pavement, an unlit joint at the tip of his mouth. 

Chan doesn’t even acknowledge the question at first, his eyes boring holes through the concrete beneath his feet. Then, with a leap of faith, he places a foot on the skateboard and pushes himself down the ramp. The evening breeze catches in his hair as he concentrates on getting to the other side of the half-pipe, the wheels screeching loudly against the pavement as he flies through the air. 

Just for a few seconds, he wills himself to not think about you, but when he lands on the other side of the ramp with a hard thud, the feelings all come rushing back. He slows down, rolling in a few mindless circles before strolling back up to where Vernon is. He flicks his skateboard on his foot, letting it rest against his knee as he takes another deep breath. 

“Chan𑁋”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine,” Vernon pesters, concern edging his voice. “You can’t just keep skating away from this, man.” 

“I’ve been in love with her for years, don’t you get it?” Chan jabs his skateboard into the ground, frustrating coating his words. “She’s everything to me and she just… she just let me go. I left because that’s what she wanted. It fucking sucks.”

Vernon lights the joint between his lips and leans back on his palms, exhaling a trail of smoke into the air that disappears into the dead of night. He watches as Chan swallows another swig of beer and clumsily plops himself down on the ground right next to him, letting his skateboard roll away a few inches before pulling it back with his foot. The only sounds that interrupt the heavy silence are the nearby chirps of crickets and the clicks from Vernon absentmindedly fiddling with the lighter between his fingers. 

I don’t love you, Chan, are the words that have been replaying like a broken record in Chan’s mind ever since that night. And now here he is, at the fucking skatepark in the dead of night, trying to outskate a heartbreak that clings to him like a second skin.

Chan’s eyes drift up towards the darkened sky, a contemplative sigh leaving him.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to stop, you know?”

Vernon lifts a brow. “Stop what?”

“Loving her,” Chan finishes, tapping his fingers against the can of beer. “It’s crazy how it’s always been easy to love her. Maybe even easier than breathing sometimes.” 

Vernon’s eyes flicker from the glowing tip of his joint to Chan’s solemn face. “Sounds like you’re in deep.”

This earns a bitter laugh from Chan. “You’re not helping, dude.”

“Don’t stop loving her then,” Vernon mutters like it was the most simple thing in the world. “But don’t let it eat you alive either.”

Chan scoffs, shaking his head. “Easier said than done.”

A beat of silence passes. 

“Listen, when I first started skating, I used to wipe out all the time. Like, bad. I’d eat shit and bust my ass so hard I thought I’d never get back up again.” Vernon pauses, taking another long-winded drag. “But I did, because that’s just how it works, man. You fall, you get hurt, you get back up.”

Briefly, Chan casts a glance down to his hands, taking note of the fading scars on his knuckles from all the times he’s taken falls throughout his life, all the times he’s hit the pavement and gotten back up again.

And he thinks about you.

And he thinks about you, wondering: how many times have you fallen without anyone there to catch you?

He thinks about the way your hands trembled that night, the way you practically crumbled in his hold, the way your eyes looked so exhausted, so defeated. He thinks about the way your voice cracked when you told him to go, how you looked at him like he was both the thing you wanted most and the thing you couldn’t bear to hold onto.

Chan swirls the can of beer in his hands, taking one last swig before slamming the can on the pavement with a loud clink, the lingering metallic taste mixing in with his bittersweet thoughts. 

He should have stayed. Should have fought harder. Should have told you that even if you pushed him away, even if you tried to convince yourself that you didn’t need him, he wasn’t going anywhere, because no matter which direction he goes, the path always leads back to you. 

Because that’s what love is, isn’t it? It’s staying even when someone tells you to leave. It’s holding on even when they don’t have the strength to do it themselves.

He thinks about you again. About how you looked at him with that same damn expression you had the night your parents got into this big fight back during your freshman year of high school, the night you broke up with your first boyfriend during junior year who was an absolute dickhead to you, the night you first told him you didn’t believe in happy endings.

“Shit,” Chan breathes out frustratingly. “What the hell do I do now?” 

Vernon shrugs, flicking the ash off his joint onto the ground until it dissolves into nothing. “Figure out if you’re willing to fall again.”

Chan lets out a dry laugh, shaking his head. “Yeah? And what if I hit the pavement even harder this time?”

“Then you’ll get back up,” Vernon says casually, with his cool, calm, and collected demeanour that’s almost irritating, even if the younger boy knows that he’s right. “Just like you always do.”

A plastic-wrapped sandwich is placed on the bedside table beside you, but you don't make a move to even acknowledge it. You know you should eat, you know you should do a lot of things, but your limbs feel like lead, and the thought of food makes you want to gag.

“Y/N? You need to eat.”

The worried tone of Jeonghan’s voice rings out from behind you, yet you could only find yourself sprawled atop one of the beds in the on-call room, your back turned towards the door and your eyes staring hazily into the dull, sterile hideous walls of the hospital. 

There’s a defeated sigh that you hear come from Jeonghan, the noise of the hospital fading away when the door closes shut. Another presence enters into the room𑁋Joshua𑁋and you could only shut your tired eyes close as you mentally prepare yourself for them to attempt to dig you out of your hole once again.

But you’re beyond caring at this point. You can’t remember the last time you had a full night of sleep or felt anything other than the overwhelming deadweight of exhaustion and isolation pressing down on you. The only thing that seems to matter now is just getting through the damn day, making it to the next hour, then the next, until the cycle starts all over again.

The faint shuffle of footsteps signals Joshua’s approach, and despite how worn out you are, you can’t help but tense up slightly. You don’t want to explain yourself anymore. You don’t have the energy to.

“Y/N, at least drink some water,” Joshua assures, and you hear the snap of a water bottle opening and being placed on the bedside table right next to you. 

You don’t reply at first, your gaze still fixed on the blank wall. You’re so tired, but somehow, sleep feels impossible. You feel your chest tighten, the heaviness of everything pressing down on you. The hospital. The clinical hours. The endless patient charts. The constant rush to keep up, to not fall behind. But beneath it all, another thing has been gnawing at you𑁋the night you pushed away the only person who could keep you from completely drowning.

Chan. 

Thinking of his name alone is enough to send a wave of guilt crashing over the dam in your mind, and you bury your body even further within the sheets of the bed, willing yourself not to think about the way his face fell that night, the way his hands clenched into fists like he was holding himself back from reaching out to you. 

You hurt him. You told him to leave. You told him you didn’t want him. You saw it in his eyes. And perhaps that’s what makes it worse𑁋knowing that you did it on purpose.

For a few minutes, Jeonghan and Joshua don’t say anything else. They’re not leaving; of course, they aren’t. The two of them have been hovering around you like ghosts for the past two weeks just watching, waiting for you to crack open enough to let them in. But some wounds don’t heal with a sandwich and a bottle of water. Some wounds don’t heal at all.

Then finally, a voice cuts through the thick silence.

“This isn’t healthy, Y/N. You can’t keep doing this to yourself,” Jeonghan rebukes, sitting himself at the edge of the bed.

Your jaw tightens, flipping your body on the bed to finally face them. “Doing what?”

“This,” Jeonghan points out. “Locking yourself away, pretending like you’re fine when you’re not.”

“I don’t need a lecture,” You mumble flatly.

Joshua exhales sharply, crossing his arms as he leans against the bedside table. “We’re not here to lecture you. We’re here because we care. And you can’t keep wasting yourself away like this. It’s not healthy.”

Something inside you flinches, but you swallow it down, forcing yourself to remain still. You’ve gotten good at that lately. They’re right, of course. You know that they’re right.

A bitter laugh leaves you. “I’m still here, aren’t I?”

Joshua’s face softens, and he crouches down so that he’s level with you. “Being here and actually living are two different things.”

His words make you pull the sheets tighter around yourself, as if that will somehow shield you from their concern, from the way they’re looking at you like you’re slipping right through their fingers. You catch a glimpse of the unopened sandwich and water bottle standing on the bedside table, the sight making your stomach twist, and for a brief second, you consider reaching for it𑁋just to ease the worry etched into their faces.

But before you could make any decision, the overhead intercom jolts you to life. 

“Code blue, third floor east wing. Code blue, third floor east wing.”

The words send a chill down your spine, and your body reacts before your mind can catch up. In an instant, you’re throwing the sheets off, shoving past Joshua and Jeonghan as you bolt out the door.

A patient is crashing. There’s no room for hesitation. No room for exhaustion.

Your feet pound relentlessly against the linoleum floor as you barrel down the hall, your body moving on autopilot as you dash down the hallway. The rush of adrenaline keeps pushing you forward. A part of you senses that Joshua and Jeonghan are right behind you, but you barely register their presence as you weave past other nurses and patients, making a beeline toward the east wing.

And then𑁋just as you round the corner, just as nurses and doctors rush in from all different directions, the sound of their voices mixing with the frantic beeping of monitors𑁋the world tilts.

Your vision blurs, black spots dancing in the corner of your eyes, parts of your body growing numb. 

And then… nothing. 

The last thing you hear before the world fades to black is the sound of Jeonghan frantically calling out your name. Your knees buckle, and suddenly, the cold, unforgiving hospital floor is rushing up to meet you.

“Is this like, what, our second time meeting ever?”

Chan shoots his gaze over to Jeonghan, who was still dressed in his scrubs and walking towards him with his arms crossed together. Chan leans his back against the wall behind him, his skateboard tucked securely under his arm. He steals a quick glance at the closed door right in front of him, and his chest aches knowing that you’re right behind it. 

Shifting his weight from one foot to the other, he tightens his grip on his skateboard when Jeonghan stands right next to him. He barely knows the guy, but there’s something in Jeonghan’s gaze that makes it feel like he’s already sized Chan up.

His jaw tightens at the urge to barge into your room. But what would that accomplish? What would he even say? Would you even want to see him?

“Third,” he mutters, keeping his eyes trained on the door. “If we count the time we had a staring contest last week in the parking lot.”

Jeonghan scoffs, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “I still haven’t ruled it out.”

Chan exhales sharply through his nose, the faintest hint of a laugh escaping before his expression hardens again. He wants to be angry at Jeonghan, at Joshua, at anyone who’s been standing between him and you these past few weeks. But the hard truth is that he’s not angry at them. He’s angry at himself, specifically. Because while they were there𑁋staying, fighting for you𑁋he wasn’t.

“Did she ever tell you?” he asks Jeonghan.

Jeonghan lets out a contemplative hum. “Tell me what?” 

“If she ever wants to see me again.”

Jeonghan stares at the younger boy for a moment. He leans against the wall as well, letting his uncrossed arms fall back to his side, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his scrubs.

“Do you really need her to say it?” Jeonghan asks, the question hanging in the air. “I think you already know the answer.”

And fuck, that stings.

Chan swallows at that. He feels restless, like his body is demanding him to move, to do something, anything𑁋kickflip down the hallway, punch a hole through a wall, slap reality into himself, burst into your room to shake you awake and demand to know why the hell you keep doing this to yourself. But he knows none of those things will change anything.

Minutes later, the door to your room opens, and out comes a disheveled-looking Joshua. 

“She’s knocked out,” he says while stepping up to Chan and Jeonghan. “Got a minor concussion from the collapse, but the doctor says she should be okay once she rests for a little while.”

Guilt gnaws at Chan even more. Taking a leap of faith, he takes a step up.

“Can I go in?” he hesitantly asks.

Joshua’s eyes flicker towards Jeonghan, the two of them exchanging a knowing look between one another. 

“Make it quick,” Jeonghan tells him. “We’ll cover you.” 

Chan doesn’t need any more encouragement than that. He brushes past Jeonghan and Joshua, pushing open the door to your room with a bit too much force, the quiet click of the latch echoing throughout the quietness. His grip tightens around his skateboard, his heart hammering against his ribs as he lays his eyes on you for the first time in weeks.

And God, you look wrecked. 

He’s greeted with the steady beep of the heart monitor. The hospital blanket is draped up to your chest, your body curled within like you’re trying to disappear. Even in sleep, you don’t look anywhere close to peaceful. Your brows are furrowed, lips parted like you’re caught in some action-packed dream you can’t escape from.

Chan rests his skateboard down against the wall, silently pulling up a chair beside your bed and sinking into it. He doesn’t reach for your hand, at least not yet, even though he wants to. He doesn’t dare.

Because what right does he have? 

His fingers twitch where they rest against his knee, resisting the urge to grab onto your hand. You look so much different from the last time he saw you. Your face looks drained of colour, the hollows beneath your eyes painted dark from exhaustion. Your chest rises and falls steadily, and an IV stands intimidatingly at the side supplying fluids into your body. 

For weeks, he’s been running through every possible scenario in his head𑁋what he would say, how he would say it, what he would do if you push him away again. But now that he’s here, staring at the way your fingers weakly clutch at the sheets, all those words fall apart in his throat. 

Rubbing a hand over his face, he leans a bit forward, forearms braced against his thigh.

“You really know how to scare the shit out of people, huh?” 

A humourless chuckle leaves him, but it’s quick to fade away when he catches sight of your fragile form again.

Silence. You don’t stir or react. But Chan keeps talking anyway, because gosh, he doesn’t know what else to do. 

“I wanted to be mad at you,” he admits quietly, gaze flitting down to the floor for a moment before he forces himself to look back up. “I wanted to be so fucking mad because you told me to leave, and I…” His voice falters, shaking slightly as his breath hitches. “I actually listened. I’m so fucking stupid.” 

Still no response from you. 

“You don’t even know, do you?” he mutters. “How much everyone’s been losing their minds over you. Jeonghan has been glaring at me like he wants to kill me, which, to be fair, he might actually want.” A scoff leaves his mouth, shaking his head. “Your other friend Joshua won’t even look at me half the time. Vernon is probably done with my shit. Soonyoung is having his own existential crisis. And me? I’ve… I’ve just been trying to figure out if you meant it that night. When you told me to leave.” 

His hands clench themselves into fists against his lap, the same way they had that very night. Memories hit him like a wave as he remembers the harsh adamancy to your voice, the way you stood there like you had already made peace with hurting him. 

But then his eyes drift over to your hand and his breath catches in his throat. Without thinking, he reaches over to brush his hand over yours. His heart skips at the subtle warmth of connection, even through your cold skin. The pulse in his neck quickens at the touch. You still don’t move.

Slowly, he closes his fingers around yours, not expecting much. It’s tentative, almost apologetic, and it hits him at how much he’s wanted to do this𑁋to hold your hand and feel the comfort that came solely from you. 

“You’re not invincible,” Chan whispers under his breath. “No one is. It’s not a weakness to let someone love you. To let me love you.” 

A small, helpless laugh escapes him at the sudden confession, but it’s not like he could go about his days without telling you at least. He shifts in the chair, but his hand refuses to leave yours; if only, they tighten just a little bit more, his thumb gently caressing over your knuckle. 

“Fuck,” he murmurs as his gaze rakes over you once more, the corners of his lips quivering upwards. “I could love you for the rest of my life.” 

The room returns to its deathly quietness. Nothing to let him know that you’re hearing him. Nothing that would assure him that he isn’t just speaking into the void. Nothing but the rhythmic beep of the heart monitor and the faint hum of the hospital outside your room. Chan simply stays like that, his fingers resting lightly against yours, waiting. Hoping. Promising to stay here for as long as he can. 

And then𑁋so slight he almost misses it𑁋your fingers twitch against his.

You find yourself running. 

It’s three in the morning, you’re dressed in your sleep clothes and stumbling out of your apartment with a pair of slippers. You were given very specific instructions by Jeonghan, Joshua, and your clinical instructors to rest for a few days after your collapse, but after being spammed with messages from Vernon that Chan had injured himself from an accident while skateboarding, your feet seemed to make the decision before your mind could process it. 

So now, here you are, pushing open the door to your building and bolting out into the quiet, empty streets like a woman possessed out of her damn mind. Your frantic breaths fog into the air, the cold nipping at your skin as you dash off in a desperate sprint all the way to Chan’s apartment. 

Vernon’s texts had been frustratingly vague𑁋just a series of frantic messages about Chan taking a bad fall at the skatepark, about blood and bruises and the possibility of a broken wrist. The words had been enough to send your already fragile heart spiraling, and now, the only thing driving you forward is the need to see him. Why would Chan do something so reckless?

But deep down, you already know the answer, don’t you? Chan has always been reckless, not because he doesn’t care, but because he does. Too much.

You hardly remember the last time you ran this fast, and your lungs burn as you push forward out of pure desperation, slipper-clad feet slapping against the pavement. Every breath you take feels suffocating, an aching pressure squeezing into your ribs, but you can’t stop. Not until you see him. Not until you know he’s okay.

By the time you reach Chan’s apartment complex, you don’t even hesitate to burst through the doors. For a minute, you contemplate taking the elevator, but that would mean wasting the few extra seconds you could use to head straight to his place. 

One flight of stairs. Two flights of stairs. Three flights of stairs. You nearly trip on the last step as you shove open the door to his floor and make a straight beeline toward his place. When you land at the doorstep, you lift a fist and pound a few times on the door. 

The seconds pass torturously long before the door swings open, and you’re greeted with Vernon.

“Where is he?” You ask him demandingly, letting out breathless pants. 

Vernon appears almost shocked at your presence before he steps aside to let you in. “He’s in his room. I got a first-aid kit on the kitchen count𑁋”

You don’t waste anymore time than that, pushing past Vernon and into the apartment. Stomping all the way to Chan’s door, you raise another fist up and pound against the wood, loud and insistently. 

“Chan!”

Silence.

You knock again, harder this time. “Chan, open the door!”

Still nothing.

Frustration and worry boil over all your thoughts, and without thinking, you hectically twist the doorknob. Locked still. Of course. 

“Lee Chan, if you don’t open this goddamn door right now, I swear to𑁋”

The lock clicks.

Your breath catches when the door slowly opens, revealing Chan standing under the dim lighting of his room, and your gaze sweeps over him closely. His right wrist is wrapped in some sort of sloppy, rushed, makeshift plaster, a bruise painted at the corner of his jaw, and there’s a nasty scrape running down his forearm. His skateboard sits abandoned against the frame of his bed, and from the looks of it, one of the wheels is barely hanging on.

He looks tired. More than that𑁋he looks completely shocked to see you. Something tightens in your chest.

Chan opens his mouth. “What are you𑁋”

“Are you insane?” The words spill out before you can stop them, your voice shaking. “What the hell were you thinking?”

Chan’s eyes widen at your words, startled. “I-It’s just a sprain, it’s not that bad.”

“Not that bad?” You goad, motioning over his figure. “Vernon made it seem like you broke half your bones!”

Chan shoots a glare over your shoulder to where Vernon was looming idly in the background. The boy only shrugs with his arms hanging in the air innocently.

“I panicked, alright? Sue me,” Vernon admits shamelessly, before disappearing around the corner and back into his room.

You release a heavy sigh, running a frustrated hand through your hair. You head back into the kitchen area to retrieve the first-aid kit before storming past Chan and into his bedroom.

Before Chan could say anything, you point to his bed. “Sit down.” 

Chan doesn’t budge.

Your expression darkens. “Chan.”

When he catches sight of the desperate look on your face, he knows that resisting even more would be basically useless. He finally relents, placing himself at the edge of the bed as you quietly begin to rummage through the first-aid kit for antiseptic wipes and bandages. 

The silence that follows is thick and heavy, tense in a way neither of you have the courage break and instead just let settle awkwardly. You bend down in front of him, carefully unwrapping his poorly done plaster. The scrape on his forearm is worse than you thought𑁋angry and red, still oozing slightly at the edges.

“You’re an idiot,” You mumble while carefully dabbing the antiseptic wipe against his warm skin, causing him to jerk slightly, a hiss leaving his lips. “Stay still.”

Chan silently watches as you clean his scrape, gazing over the worried lines etched on your features as you lean in closer, his muscles twitching from your gentle touch. For some time, neither of you speak, and you cautiously grab his hand. It’s only when you start wrapping the fresh plaster around his wrist that he finally breaks the silence. You definitely need to take him to the hospital after this to get a proper splint. 

“You’re supposed to be resting,” he states quietly. “You literally got a concussion, like, three days ago.”

You purse your lips together into a thin line as you glance over the bandage to make sure it’s secure and firm. “I know.”

When you step back from him slightly, your eyes land on the bruise to the corner of his jaw, and one of your eyebrows shoots up suspiciously. The bruise doesn’t appear that fresh. Chan can tell that you caught onto him. 

“Where else are you hurt?” You ask with a pointed look. 

At first, Chan hesitates, yet he could only shrink like a snail seeking into its shell under the serious expression painted on your face. His eyes drop down to the floor in guilt, and you watch as he shifts cautiously, reaching with one hand to clutch the ends of his wrinkled shirt before pulling up over his head. 

Your heart stutters at the sight, and you can’t help but drink in his bare, topless form. You capture the entirety of the dragon tattoo that’s snaking up his arm and curling over his shoulder, the head of the dragon resting at the base of his neck, beneath the line of his trapezius muscle. The dark and bold lines making up the scales and claws are almost glistening under the faint lighting, contrasting heavily with his pale skin. You’ve never had the chance to appreciate the beauty of the art painted over his skin, at least not this up close. His toned chest and visible lines of his abs causes your throat to dry up and sends heat creeping up your neck. 

But your admiration is quick to diminish when his muscles flex under the strain of the movement, and you spot another glimpse of a scrape to his collarbone, as well as a small cut on the superficial skin of his shoulder that’s hidden quite well from his tattoo. Without thinking, you let a finger delicately caress around the area of the one on his shoulder, and Chan visibly tenses up from that. 

All you can do is simply stare, your heart clutching inside your chest. 

“Chan…” You call his name so softly.

Chan bites the inside of his cheek. “It’s not as bad as it looks.”

You lightly shove him in the shoulder. “That’s a load of bullshit.”

A wry chuckle leaves him, and it seems to lift a bit of tension in the room. “Yeah, maybe.” 

Only giving a shake of your head, you reach out hesitantly, letting your fingers caress over his skin before you can stop yourself. Chan flinches from your touch, but he doesn’t pull away; instead, he traces your every movement as you carefully inspect the minor wounds painted over his body. Anytime your fingertips ghost over his skin, shivers run up and down his spine, but he forces himself to remain still. Just for you. 

You’re being impossibly gentle as you grab another antiseptic wipe to clean the scrape to his collarbone, his Adam’s apple bobbing from your tenderness. He has to suck in a breath when you lean in even closer, swearing he could feel your warmth radiating onto him𑁋it’s comforting and terrifying all at once. 

There’s something different in the way you look at him, as if you’re trying to commit to memory every new mark on his body, as if you’re desperately searching for more wounds he might be hiding from you. And maybe he is.

“You ran all the way here, didn’t you?” he asks, cutting through the silence. 

Your fingers still for a second before you wearily sigh, firmly pressing down a band-aid over the scrape on his collarbone. “Yeah.”

His lips part slightly, like he wants to say something, but then he just laughs softly, shaking his head. “You’re an idiot too, you know that?”

You roll your eyes, snatching another band-aid and routinely moving onto the cut on his shoulder. “Takes one to know one.”

This time, you stand up from the floor and sit down right next to him on the bed, undoing the wrapping from the band-aid and carefully applying it over the cut to his shoulder. You can’t get yourself to look at him as you press a tiny bit of pressure over his skin to ensure the band-aid sticks, but you feel his own gaze lingering on you, burning a hole right through your heart. It’s almost like a touch itself from him. 

As you pull away from him, you lift your eyes to meet his, and for a singular millisecond, his focus drops down to your mouth before looking back up to your face again. Then, all he gives you is a faint, almost teasing smile. You nearly give in from just that.

“High school, freshman year. Sophomore year for you,” he suddenly says. “Last week of school. Friday.”

You lift a puzzled brow. “What?”

An almost dreamy look crosses his features. “That’s when I first knew I started having a stupid crush on you.”

Your stomach lurches from his words. Time seems to come to a halt as a wave of memories wash over you from that particular day. 

“Remember? It was my very first skateboarding competition, and I was an absolute nervous wreck after fucking up my boardslide. You were there, cheering me on even though you had no idea what you were watching.” He laughs faintly to the memory, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly with his uninjured hand. “But then you smiled at me, and somehow, everything felt okay.”

You do remember. You remember that day very well. You remember being late to his competition because you had to attend the last student council of the year meeting back at school, yet you caught him just in the middle of his performance𑁋a performance that didn’t go entirely well. He had fallen, just like now, and you recall the way his face was flushed with embarrassment when he struggled to stand back up. But then he shot a quick glance your way, and you couldn’t help but loudly cheer him on, despite the pensive looks on other people in the crowd, and his face lit up immediately just from that alone. 

Then the thought harshly slams into you. Lee Chan has been in love with you for more than ten years.

Chan shifts awkwardly in his position, his injured hand resting in his lap as he continues to hold a steady gaze on you. 

“Kinda embarrassing, right?” he mutters with an uneasy chuckle, shaking his head. “Holding onto something like that for so long. Even when I tried to tell myself that it was all stupid hormonal shit, I could never get you out of my head.” 

You still don’t respond, only the pounding of your heart answering for you that you’re sure as hell Chan could hear. For the past many years, you knew that you’ve been holding onto something for him too. But ever since you’ve indebted yourself to the consequences of medical school, with the burnout, the pressure, the exhaustion𑁋it made you feel like you had no right to hold onto love.

So you pushed those feelings away; the same way you had pushed him away. 

But now, here he is. Still here. Looking at you like you hung the stars in the sky.

And it breaks you.

You turn away, staring down at the floor, curling your fingers against the sheets of his bed. “I’m a mess, Chan.”

“I don’t care.” His response is immediate, firm.

Your breath stutters. “I pushed you away.”

“I know.”

“I hurt you.”

“I know that, too.”

“So why…” Your voice trails off curtly as you regain your thoughts. “So why are you still here?”

“Because I’m stubborn,” he says with a shameless smirk, a glint of fondness in his eyes, before his face softens once again. “Because you’re my best friend, my favourite person; because I’ve loved you since we were kids; because I’ve always known your heart was the one I wanted to carry, even if it’s heavy. Your pain is mine to hold, too. It doesn’t scare me.”

Your mouth falls open, but the words get stuck in your throat, like they’re too fragile to speak, too big to fit. You don’t even realise how close Chan is to you until you feel his warm breath fan against your cheek, his presence so close you could almost taste it. 

His face hovers near yours, and your pulse quickens in response. His gaze flickers down to your lips, just mere inches from yours, the softness of his features tugging at your heartstrings. The world seems to slow down, and your mind races𑁋why is it so hard to just breathe?

And yet, you don’t pull away. 

Then, just as he leans in a tiny bit more, his lips barely a breath away from yours, he pauses, and it’s almost as if your beauty punches him in the gut for the very first time again. He sees everything𑁋the weariness that plagues your face, the glassiness to your eyes, the way you sneak a glance down to his mouth as well. He forces himself to swallow a lump in his throat. 

You still don’t pull away. 

“God,” he mutters softly under his breath, voice full of pure, unadulterated awe. “You’re beautiful.”

Your stomach twists violently at his words, completely knocking the wind out of your lungs.

“Chan?” 

He blinks up at you, waiting.

“Have you ever been scared of… crossing that line?” 

Chan blinks at your question, and for a minute or two, he doesn’t answer. Instead, he searches over your face, the corners of his mouth tugging upward.

“Terrified out of my goddamn mind, actually,” he corrects with amusement. “But now… I do know that when I cross that line, I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t want to go back.” 

Amongst the heaviness in the air, those words almost single-handedly dissolve the barrier between you. Before you can second-guess yourself, before doubt can sink its claws into you again, you shoot one last sure glance down at his lips and lean in to finally close the distance between the two of you.

Chan lets out a groan at the sudden contact, your mouth bumping against his lip ring, but he throws that discomfort out the window.

It’s barely anything at first. Your breath catches against his warm and slightly chapped lips, but it’s enough. Enough for him to take it as permission, enough for him to finally cross that line with you. His lips meet yours softly and tentatively, like he’s afraid you might pull away. But when you don’t𑁋when you press just a little closer, letting your fingers curl against his bare shoulder𑁋he deepens the kiss, exhaling shakily into your mouth, his uninjured hand coming to pull you closer by your waist. 

He tastes like something sweet and a little dangerous, like honey laced with fire.

Chan kisses you like he’s been waiting for this opportunity his entire life, and to be fair, he did wait that long. His eyes flutter to a close as he lets nothing but feeling take over, as if he’s memorised the shape of your lips in his head a million times over but only now gets to experience how soft and perfect they really are. How much he wants to kiss you even more. 

Your fingertips drag lightly, carefully, over his bare skin, tracing the markings of the large dragon tattoo down his arm. He shivers and his muscles tense under your touch, a quiet, barely audible groan slipping from him, making his grip on your waist tighten. His thumb brushes over the fabric of your shirt, pressing just hard enough to make you gasp into his mouth. He has to fight his restraint to fully consume you, like he wants to brand this moment down into his very bones. 

“Fuck,” he curses, voice muffled against your mouth. “I knew it.”

Your body burns at his touch. A second hardly passes as you could breathe out, “Knew what?”

“That if I ever kissed you, I wouldn’t want to stop,” he rasps hoarsely, his breath shallow as his lips brush against yours again like he’s not quite ready to pull away, merely determined to make up for all the lost time and finally taste what he’s been holding back. “I’m so weak for you, baby.”

Chan has waited ten years for this. He isn’t going to waste a single second. 

A shudder runs through you from the pet name and the way his voice sounds so low and full of longing. His hands slowly yet delicately drift under the hem of your shirt, and he inhales the little noises you can’t quite hold back. You feel his calloused fingertips from all his years of skateboarding meet the skin of your waist𑁋not pushing, just touching, worshipping. Your hand drifts to caress the contours of his back, drawing over the smooth, defined lines of his muscles beneath the ink of where his Aquarius tattoo is imprinted on his spine.

“I’m addicted to you,” he says in between kisses, his weight pressing down on you as your back falls against the bed. “I should’ve kissed you years ago.” 

His lips move against yours sweetly, intoxicatingly. There’s a quiet moan that leaves your mouth, barely audible yet enough for Chan to feel it, and it sends a rush of desire coursing through him. But he doesn’t rush it. He knows how long he’s waited for this moment, how long he’s dreamt of it. And now that it’s finally happening, he’s cherishing every second like it’s his last day on earth, willing himself to memorise every subtle shift of your facial expression, every breathless sound you make, every brief contact of your skin on his. 

You. 

That’s all his mind is screaming at him.

You, you, you.

“Tell me to stop,” he whispers against your lips, but his grip on your waist tightens like he’s begging you won’t.

You don’t.

Your fingers dig desperately into his shoulders, feeling the rising tension in his muscles, and you’re suddenly aware of the effect you have over him, the effect you’ve always had over him. He’s practically losing himself in you. His injured hand twitches at his side, somewhat frustrated at the thought that he can’t hold you in the way he wants to. But his other hand drifts a tiny bit more under your shirt. 

You sigh into his mouth, and Chan swears he’s never heard a sound more intoxicating than that.

“You’re not real,” he mumbles, and you feel him smile against you. “You can’t be real.” 

The chuckle you let out at that quickly dissipates when you feel his mouth trail to the corner of your jaw. Then his breath meets the pulse point by your ears, and he plants a soft, affectionate kiss at that spot. You melt into the bed just by that.

“For years,” he continues breathlessly, lips slowly ghosting over the shell of your ear. “I’ve been patient. So fucking patient. I swear to God, baby, I’ll give you everything.”

His words make you dizzy, like you’re floating𑁋weightless, like your body has been set ablaze from the inside and out. 

When he pulls away after some time, his breathing uneven and heavy, his half-lidded gaze meets yours.

“Are you okay?” he asks quietly, worriedly, studying over your nervous expression.

You swallow hard against the dryness in your throat, still feeling the tingle at your lips from the kiss or kisses. You sit up in his bed slightly.

“Yeah, I’m…” You lower your eyes in a pit of shyness. “I’m okay. Are you?”

A sheepish grin blooms on his face. “Oh, I’m good. I’m grand. Half-busted clearly still, but…”

You lightly flick him on the head. “You’re supposed to be resting, dummy.”

“And you’re supposed to be resting too, idiot,” he retorts playfully, but then his face falls into nothing but affection. “And kissing me.”

The two of you let out a series of giggles at that. Your hands rests unsurely on bare skin of his chest and shoulder𑁋hardly realising how they got there in the first place. You’re both tangled in this delicate new dynamic, and yet, in a way, it feels so natural. Everything has changed, and now you find yourself standing right at the edge of something beautiful and uncertain, but still worth falling for. 

Then, before you could kiss him again, a cough interrupts the two of you. You both look towards the doorway, and there’s Vernon standing there with his arms crossed.

“Alright, not to kill the mood, but before y’all start breaking the bed or whatever, at least close the door first,” he says with an impish smirk.

Chan grumbles annoyingly, burying his head in the crook of your neck. “Seriously, dude?”

“Hey, I just wanted to check if you two needed anything,” Vernon shrugs innocently. “Didn’t mean to walk on y’all eating each other’s faces. But for the record, fucking finally.” 

“Whatever, bye, Vernon!” Chan staggers off the bed to shut the door in the boy’s face, groaning something under his breath before plopping down right beside you.

The laugh you’ve been suppressing tumbles out of you all at once, a sense of relief and giddiness taking over. Chan looks over at you with a sheepish grin, chuckling along with you, his fingers gently brushing against the lines of your palm as you both try to calm your laughter.

“Chan?” 

“Yeah?” His face lights up when you call his name. Cute. 

“I love you.”

The utter vulnerability in the crack of your voice makes his heart lurch. Chan stares at you, as if he’s afraid that you might vanish if he blinks. But when he does blink, you’re still here in front of him. And when you blink, he’s simply smiling at you. It’s the same smile he wore when you were kids, the kind that could outshine all the stars in the sky, the one that made you feel like you could take on the world. Only now, it feels different. It feels like home. 

He’s been knocking on this door for years, and you’ve finally let him in.

“I love you too,” he mumbles quietly, leaning back to tenderly press his forehead against yours. “Fuck, you have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to hear that.”

That line between friendship and love? Yeah. Erased. 

There’s no going back, it seems. But for the first time in a long time, you’re beginning to look forward.

taglist (open) ʚɞ @haowrld @icyminghao @slytherinshua @jeonride @eternalgyu

@lockburn-castle @vrnism @weird-bookworm @ryuwonieebae @wonwooz1

@planetkiimchi @caramyisabitchforsvtandbts @aaniag @wootify @carlesscat-thinklogic23

@phenomenalgirl9 @mirxzii @bookyeom @parkjennykim @melodicrabbit

@bewoyewo @honglynights @bananabubble @treehouse-mouse @starshuas

@totomoshi @armycarat2612 @etherealyoungk @gigification @ahuiahoe

@svtficsarchive @lllucere @reiofsuns2001 @imujings

fic taglist ʚɞ @viciousdarlings @christinewithluv @heeknow @tenderly-stepped-on-eggshells @blockbusterhee

[angstywaifu]

Dain "Eyes On Me" Aetos

Summary: After an intense day of training Dain is giving you some one on one training despite not coddling first years. A/N: I never thought I'd see the day I'd be writing Dain smut.... but here we are. Warnings: THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR ONYX STORM. DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN'T READ ONYX STORM. 18+ Minors DNI. Fingering. Oral F receiving. Unprotected Sex.

Masterlist | Links

“Again.” Carr commands, motioning with his hands for me to attack again.

Out of all the changes to our learning, I couldn’t deny this had been my favourite. Well, it was till I manifested a signet and now had to participate. For weeks I had sat in the seats looking down into the wide open area. Watching in awe as everyone used their signets, learning how to use them against each other. It was amazing to watch.

But now I had fire at my disposal, which now deemed me ready to participate in this class. And just my luck, Xaden wasn’t here to teach it. And Carr had told Garrick to step aside. Which I guess made sense as he did teach us how to use our signets. But I much preferred Garrick’s approach to this class than Carr’s. Especially after he told Bodhi to stop messing with peoples signets. Someone was bound to get hurt soon.

Carr had taken a somewhat annoying interest in me due to us having the same signet. He seemed to push me more than others. Expecting me to already be proficient with my signet. Which was a lot to expect from someone whose signet was not even two weeks old.

And now he was putting me up against a third year who had the same signet and was far more adept than I was. We circle each other, eyeing each other off to try find an opening. He steps forward, raising his hands to attack. I panic and stumble back raising my arms to defend myself, a flame barely flickering in my hands.

“Focus. You can’t afford to do this in battle.” Carr snaps at me from where he stands watching us.

I do my best to calm my nerves, raising my hands again. This time a stronger flame coming out, but it’s nothing compared to what my opponent sends me way. A thick stream of fire extends from his hands towards me. A yell escaping my lips as I stumble backwards, tripping over my own feet. Just before it reaches me, the wall of flames disappears as if extinguished. I look up to see a Bodhi my section leader walking over to us as Carr storms over to him.

“You lot need to stop interfering!” He bellows in Bodhi’s face before gesturing to a second year to step onto the mat.

“Then make this safer.” Bodhi snaps back as he crosses his arms over his chest.

“It won’t be safer in the real world. They need to learn here how dangerous it is. If they can’t survive here, then they have no chance out there.” I swear a vein is about to burst in Carr’s neck with how prominent they are.

“She’s a fucking first year.” Another voice adds as they join the conversation. My breath catches in my throat as Dain steps up next to Bodhi. “She’s barely had her signet a week and you’re throwing her up against someone who’s had three years to perfect it.”

“It’s the only way she will learn.” Carr snaps as he turns his attention to Dain who doesn’t even blink an eye.

“I can think of far better and safer ways to teach someone to use their signet than this. Find. Another. Way.” The way Dain’s voice drops as me seeing him in a whole new light.

We’d been friends before he left for the Riders Quadrant. I wasn’t as close to him as Violet, but I knew him well enough. And the man I see is a far cry from the boy who was always so kind and cautious around me. Making sure I was ok and understood the training or lessons we were taught.

Carr just scoffs in his face. “I’d like to see you do a better job.”

Carr pivots, heading back to the mat where the two cadets stand waiting. Dain turns towards me, his features softening as he takes me in.

“You ok?” He asks as he steps over to me.

I left out a breath I didn’t realise I was holding and slowly nod. “Yeah, I’ll be ok.” I tell him.

He smiles at me but a shout pulls our attention back to the mat. Just like before the third year sends a blast of fire towards a shrieking second year who scrambles backwards to get away. And just like before Carr does nothing to intervene as the flames get closer and closer. I cover my mouth as I watch in horror as she screams and drops to her hands and knees, the flames getting within inches of her.

”Wield! Defend yourself!” Is all Carr yells at her, not even trying to stop what’s happening.

She splays her hand wide on the mat and screams. Moments later the colour drains from the mat beneath her, turning it a grey colour. Dain reaches out and grabs me by the upper arms, spinning me around so my back is to the girl as Carr rushes to her.

”Eyes on me.” Dain says as he cradles my head in his hands.

I nod up at him, doing my best to focus on his eyes. But I know her death comes when his hands tense on my face, his whole body going rigid.

The rest of the day goes by with all of us essentially going through the motions. Death was common in the Quadrant. None of us were strangers to it. But having someone turn right in front of us was a different story. Despite that I found myself back and training in the gym with Dain. Today just proved I needed to get stronger. Needed to strengthen my signet. If not, I could become desperate. I groan as I push myself into a seating position on the mat where Dain had thrown me. He’d made it look so easy. The moves almost second nature to him. Which they were. He’d been training his whole life. I had not.

“Come on Y/N, get up and fight me. Use your signet.” He commands, his wingleader tone slipping in.

I force myself to stand, every muscle in my body screaming after flying, signet training and now this. My body feels like it’s about to ignite as it reaches for my power. It’s as if my body knows it’s the only way to defend myself right now.

I shake my head at him. “I can’t.” I tell him, my voice breaking slightly.

“You can. You can do this.” He tells me as he settles into another fighting stance.

He doesn’t give me a chance to respond as he charges at me. I instinctively pull at my power, flames rising in my hands in an effort to shield myself. Dain dodges it with ease, side stepping the small wall of flame I’ve conjured. I turn and aim the wall at him again but falter when I watch him panic slightly and stumble back.

“Shit, I’m sorry!” I cry out as I rush to him.

But Dain is still in training mode, using my lowered defences to rush at me, tackling me to the mat, pinning me to the mat.

”Don’t be sorry. This is exactly why we’re here.” He tells me gruffly as he looms over me.

”But I’m going to hurt you.” I get out between ragged breaths.

He raise a hand to cup my cheek, a smirk curling at the edges of Dain’s lips, his soft brown eyes flashing with something I can’t quite put my finger on.

”Gods, don’t I know it.” He murmurs as he lowers his face to mine.

I gasp as his lips brush softly over mine, as if he’s testing my reaction. When I don’t pull back he slowly presses his lips to mine. My heart starts hammering in my chest as I tilt my head, deepening the kiss as we both lean into it. I feel Dain’s breath hitch as I slide my hands up his chest, fisting the material of his shirt in my hands. His hands skim down my body, his fingers skimming along my waist causing me to shiver at his touch. He kisses my cheeks and tilt before moving to my neck, a moan escaping my lips before I can stop it. But that’s all it takes to break whatever restraint Dain still had. His hands tighten on my waist as he flips us over so I’m straddling his hips as he looks up at me.

I don’t know what spurs me to do it, here in the gym of all places where anyone could walk in, but I grip the bottom of my shirt in my hands, yanking the material over my head and discarding it next to us. Dain clearly doesn’t care where we are either as he sits up, pulling his own shirt from his body. My hands instantly fall to his chest, tracing over the defined lines of muscle like I’ve always wanted to. Dain’s body shivers at my touch, his muscles tensing as I trace over them. I gasp as Dain’s hands trace up and down my sides as he leans in kisses along my shoulder.

“Gods you’re beautiful.” He murmurs against my neck as his hands grip and knead my hips.

I blush at his words as he leans back into kiss me, feeling him smile into the kiss, the movement casing my lips to part for him. My fingers tangle in his hair as of tongues meet in a slow intoxicating rhythm, trying to pull him closer. I needed more of him. Needed him to consume me. He wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me to him as he leans forward, lowering me back down to lay on the mat.

He breaks the kiss to trace his hands down my chest and stomach, coming to rest on the waist band of the training pants I’d worn. He hesitates, his brown eyes staring into me. I nod at him, knowing he’s waiting for permission to go further. And I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. He hooks his fingers into the waist band, yanking my pants and underwear off in one smooth movement, and I was very glad I’d gone without my boots for our training session tonight.

I go to push up, reaching for the waistband of his own pants, put he pushes me back down to the mat. “Not yet.” He tells me as he leans over me.

I places a quick kiss to my mouth before he kisses down my neck, to my chest and then slowly down my stomach. I go to clamp my legs shut as I realise where his heading, but his hands fly out, keeping my legs open for him as he moves his lips further and further down. I gasp, neck arching off the mat as he places the first kiss between my legs.

“Oh gods.” I cry out as one of my hands grips his hair tightly, causing him to groan against me which elects another moan from me.

My whole body arches off the mat as his tongue swirls around my clit before dipping lower. His mouth alternating between licking and sucking. His movements are slow but deliberate, building the tension in me with each pass of his tongue. I gasp as I feel him push a finger inside me, my eyes squeezing shut as he adds another and thrusts them in and out, curling them with every other thrust.

I whimper as he removes them from me, but look up to see standing above me, quickly shoving down his pants. This was so unlike him. To give into the moment, to not care that anyone could walk in at any moment. But I wasn’t mad. I wanted Dain. And he wanted me. Maybe not forever, but right now I didn’t care. We were in the middle of a war essentially, none of us knowing if today would be our last.

I can help but trail my eyes over him as he kneels back between my legs, hovering over me as he places his hands either side of my head. I feel him prod against my entrance, sucking in a sharp breath knowing what’s coming. Dain isn’t my first, but something about this feels different. More intimate than any other time.

He rolls his hips, the tip entering me as we both groan at the feeling. He pushes further in, my body arching off the mat as I squeeze my eyes shut as pleasure washes over me, Dain feeling like he was made to be inside me. He slowly thrusts his hips, working his length in till he’s fully inside me. His hand caresses my cheek, my eyes fluttering open to meet his.

”Eyes on me. Think you can do that?” He commands.

I smile and nod up at him before he rolls his hips into mine, my fingers digging into his forearms as I try to anchor myself. He starts off slow, but it doesn’t take long for Dain to pick up his pace, hips sips slamming into mine. I have to force myself to keep my eyes open, especially when he hits that perfect spot inside me. Fuck, it felt so good. I moan loudly when he shifts my legs to lay against his chest, raising my hips off the mat slightly, causing him to hit an angle he wasn’t hitting before. I can’t help it when my eyes fluttering shut as I arch off the mat.

“What did I say Y/N?” Dain practically growls, causing my eyes to fly open. A new wave of pleasure coursing through me at the look in his eyes.

“Eyes. On. You.” I manage to gasp out as he thrusts harder.

”Good girl.” He praises as he leans forward and wraps his arms around me.

“F-fuck.” I moan out as he shifts us so I’m sitting in his lap, chest flush against his as I rest my forehead against his.

My nails dig into this shoulder as I start trembling in his arms, my body wanting to tip over the edge and come undone. So close. I’m so gods damn close. Shit. I wasn’t going to last much longer like this. This angle was easily going to be my undoing. And by how heavy Dain’s breathing has gotten I’m sure he wont be far behind me. I wind my fingers into his hair, pulling on his brown curls earning my a moan that rumbles in his chest, his eyes darkening as they look up at me. I meet Dain thrust for thrust, both of us panting heavily as we get closer and closer. I cry out as I tip over the edge, finally breaking eye contact with Dain as I tilt my head back as I shake and tremble in his arms. His cradles my head against his neck, I feel like the world is flipping as he places me back down on the mat. Dain’s thrust turn erratic as he slams into me, prolonging my orgasm as he chases his end. His hips falter as he groans, falling forward as he catches himself with his hands placed either side of my head. The only sound in the room is both of us panting as we catch our breath. Neither of us willing to break the silence of what’s just happened.

Finally Dain moves, rolling to the side as he pulls me with him an cradles me in his arms. His fingers lazily tracing patterns up and down my side as we come down from our highs. I turn towards him to say something, but the sound of the door jiggling has us both sitting up right. I know we didn’t lock that door when we came in, meaning in our rush Dain must have managed to lock it with lesser magic. But that means whoever is on the other side can open it with that to. Dain rushes up grabbing our scattered clothes before pulling me up as we rush over to them small gym attached to the gym just as the doors open.

”That was close.” I gasp out as he hands me my clothes.

”Too close. We’re never doing that here again.” He informs me as he hastily pulls on his pants.

”You plan on there being more?” I ask, trying to hide my smirk as I turn to pull on my own clothes.

”Many. Just not that public. Now hurry up before they walk in on you half dressed.” He tells me, his Wingleader voice slipping back in.

[howlingmod]

chance x healer reader fed up with his bullshit.. they beg for him to stop gambling and he's just "no just watch chance never loses" and then dies because their gun explodes with weakness C and they don't even care that the killer is ripping them apart they're just glaring at his body chance is the most annoying guything on EARTH and reader just puts up with his bullshit because they love him (they're going to kill him if they get unforsakened) "hey hun, so my gun MAYYY have exploded can i be healed please-" "i JUST healed you the fuck you MEAN you're bleeding out"

summary - chance x healer!reader

misc - reader has the staff of healing which is said to get power from the greek god of medicine so That's why there's mentions of praying . smile. also more pining than anything sorryyy

-Where Elliot and Dusekkar freely gave out heals, you were far more strategic with yours. It wasn't because you were heartless or didn't hear the pleas of your teammates, but with how long it took to build enough energy and use your staff, you couldn't afford to make the wrong choice. You could save someone's life last second where the others would have to hope the victim could power through.

-This didn't stop people from asking though. Usually, they were pretty understanding. Similarly to Dusekkar, using your staff required a significant amount of your own energy, energy that was better suited as a last-resort. Usually, they'd ask, understand when you declined, and then stick qround you for protection until you could find Elliot or Builderman.

-Chance was different though. He hadn't made much of an impression on you at the cabin that first time, maybe a little proud but you didn't hear enough to feel you could judge him yet. So, your very first impression of him would come when he bothered you for healing.

"Hey, you mind giving me a hand?" He smiled despite his words slipping through grit teeth. He was clutching his side, blood spilling over his hand and soaking the fabric. You heard him shamble all the way here, only waiting to ensure it was a survivor.

You'd only looked him over for a second longer before you'd nodded. He was in critical enough condition you could consider this a safe solution. Everyone had been doing well thus far and there were only a few more generators to repair.

"Stand still."

He barely had enough time to right himself, stumbling when he shot straight up, before you got to work. Instinctively, he closed his eyes, sinking into the comforting feeling washing over him. It was somewhere between warm and cold, simultaneously the cool relief of dipping into the ocean on a hot day and the burning embrace of a fire in the cold winter months. It was over too soon for him to come to a conclusion.

"You should be better now. Come see me if your wounds should start to reappear," you ordered bluntly, leaving no room for argument. You'd turned on your heel, making your way out of the delapitated building you'd hid away in.

For a few moments, he stared at your back as you left, watching you shrink into the distance. He spared a look at his side, seeing how the skin had come back together as if nothing had ever marred it in the first place. Then he looked back at you.

"Hey, wait up!"

You looked over your shoulder, finding the gambler chasing after you.

"Two's better than one, right? I'd say we've got better odds sticking together," he grinned at you, half out of breath. You only stared back, sparing him a small hum of acknowledgement, before you continued walking, him now matching your pace.

-It was a sweet enough encounter, if it weren't for all the repeats after the fact. You'd began to wonder if your staff had some sort strange psychological effects you'd never noticed before, because every time you'd heal him it seemed he made a time to show off his aim.

-You'd heal him and then shortly thereafter, he'd try and stun the killer from half a mile away as they chased someone else, and then A) he'd miss and draw the ire of the killer, B) his gun would jam, C) he would hit the target, of D) it would explode and require healing.

-It was D more often than you thought possible. The first few times you'd bit your tongue and healed him anyway, it was a dire situation and it could save his life if the killer came for the noise, but that only lasted a few times.

-Chance had taken to sticking to your side whenever you went out. You hadn't minded that much, he was fine enough company and you figured it was safer to be around someone than to be alone. It was more the chaos he brought with him that was the issue.

-He tried to tone it down after you first denied healing. His gun had worked this time but he still missed, leading the killer to tunnel in on him (and by extension you) until you two could eventually shake them off your tail. You'd been lucky enough to remain unharmed, the killer was significantly more focused on punishing Chance than you, but that didn't remove the severity of the situation.

Chance was slumped against the wall, hands clutched over his sides. He panted but refused to say anything, mouth dry with guilt. You had yet to say anything either, sitting and catching your own breath. Another hard pang of pain ripped through him and he hissed, clenching his jaw.

"Do you ... y'think you could-"

"No. I healed you earlier, you shouldn't have gotten into that situation."

He nodded stiffly, all the courge he'd used to ask leaving him.

"I'll go look for a medkit, but that's all I offer."

He nodded again, just a twitch of the head this time.

He watched you slip out the doorway and disappear, holding his breath until your footsteps vanished. Guilt ate away at his stomach with even more vigor, he could have gotten you both killed. It was lucky that they'd only gotten him, he isn't sure he could forgive himself if you got caught in the crossfire. He was being stupid, getting your attention in all the wrong ways.

-From then on, he was a little smarter about the way he acted. He wouldn't shoot the killer until he was closer, more involved, where the stun would actually matter. He'd try and keep an eye out for medkits, keeping one for himself whenever he did come across them. He helped with generators more. He tried to watch out for the killer when you were busy.

-It was a little desperate on his part, maybe a little overly sweet, but he really just wanted to make it up to you. He didn't want you to dislike him just because of a crazy misplay. He needed to get into your good graces somehow, and if that meant he had to bust his ass being cartoonishly helpful, he'd do it, no matter how embarassing.

-Even at the cabin, he'd gotten sweeter on you. He'd sit next to you at dinner, he'd go on and on with stories about his life before coming here to you, both good and bad (though you sensed even in the bad ones he embellished a few details to make himself look better).

-He'd keep you company where you'd previously stayed alone, joining you at your altar.

"You know, this kinda reminds me of this church I used to pass by all the-"

"Chance."

"My bad."

-You'd noticed the changes but hadn't said anything about it to him, not wanting to risk him changing back to being more abrasive and thrill-seeking in a bid for your favor. It was sweet, if a little corny.

-He would keep going with it, embarassing himself with overly sappy gestures until you'd finally say something to him, until some kind of progress had been made that told him it was all worth it. He could only imagine what it'd be.

-It was just another night where everyone had gathered into the main living room of the cabin, waiting for dinner to be done. You sat next to him because he insisted and he took up the whole couch himself otherwise. He did all of the talking, including you through references to things you'd done or said in the past while you relaxed. He barely even noticed when you'd gone completely still until you leaned onto him.

-He looked over, being met with shut eyes and quiet snoring. The stifled cheering and wild hand gestures were almost enough to wake you up, much to his displeasure.

[ilium-ilia]

In Limbo

simon "ghost" riley x fem!reader | mafia!au | masterlist

Chapter Seven: another deal. another oath

tw: grief

Marco got you sick. 

Building pressure throbs between your eyes, ravaging your sinuses with tightly packed snot. It moves to your throat until you’re constantly hacking up phlegm and the pressure in your ears swells so viciously that you can hardly hear anyone over the idle chatter in the restaurant. Of course, there is no evidence to prove that it was Marco himself who got you sick. There are countless people who flood through the doors of Sapori with empty stomachs and noses running from the bitter, humid cold of London. Anyone could have gotten you sick. 

Yet, over the last week, no one has gotten as close to you as he did. Fingers digging into your arm. Legs pinning yours to the bench. Gentle hand—the hand of a killer, his hand, that brutal fucking hand—caressing the side of your face, holding you hostage. Taking, and taking, and taking—tongue shoving past your teeth—

Blurry eyes glance away from the assaulting brightness of your phone screen. Sapori is quiet; it always is this early. Early for late night dining, anyway. Half past ten, you’ve spent most of the morning cleaning every single corner of that building. It’s how you rationalize spending more hours at work even without customers—you have to keep your hands busy and cash flowing. Except, after a while, you got too dizzy to continue, so you’ve taken refuge at a lonely table. The dust and carcinogens you’ve inhaled haven’t done anything to ease your symptoms, but you can’t afford to stay idle. There are numbers to be crunched, cash to be earned, and debts to be paid. 

Which brings you back to your phone. 

Having only graduated school without any sort of higher education, your options for jobs are limited, but working one job isn’t cutting it anymore. You can either pick up more hours like you have been doing this past work, or attempt to find a job that will pay slightly more to help cover the difference in what you now owe Marco every month. You’ve been staring at hourly wages for so long you feel your eyes begin to cross, and you don’t exactly like what you’re seeing. An early morning librarian job for £10.44, coffee shop barista for £9… nothing salary. Nothing that will save you. 

“Job hunting?” 

The ache and throbbing in your ears suffocates your senses so viciously that you didn’t hear Bruce’s footsteps approach. Jumping, you stare up at him like a child caught with their hand in a cookie jar. Nothing like looking at other job postings with your boss staring over your shoulder. The embarrassment is enough to open up a black hole in your stomach where it consumes your organs bit by bit until you’re liquified. Your phone screen goes black, and you choke out a sheepish smile through the snot leaking into the back of your throat. 

“Just for a second job. Part-time,” you explain. Your voice sounds louder than his—ears too clogged to properly receive soundwaves. “Don’t worry, I’m not leaving any time soon.” 

Bruce’s mellifluous laugh is the first thing that’s warmed your soul all week. It’s contagious. He’s always been a jovial man—you’ve heard a few of the cooks call him The Italian Santa Claus because of his rosy cheeks and round stomach. The smallest of smiles flitters across your lips as he carefully takes the seat across from you with a large bowl in his hands. 

“Ah, I wouldn’t be upset if you left. Sad, yes, but everyone finds their way out of here eventually,” Bruce assures. His accent is odd. Immigrating from Italy at a young age, his vernacular is a mash of proper English, Italian, and what you’re guessing is Italian-American slang. Or, at least, that’s what you’ve been able to gather from the movies, anyway. “You’re a hard worker. Anyone would be lucky to have you.” 

A wave of tears build up behind your eyes at his words, and they’re held back by a flimsy, half formed dam. Your emotions have been strewn about in your brain all week—cluttered, sticking halfway out of folders and filing cabinets. It’s hard to shove them back when you can hardly shut the drawers. 

“Here,” he continues as he pushes the bowl toward you. The hard lines of his face soften as he watches you curiously peer at the contents. Tiny bits of pasta shaped like stars swirl around in some sort of thickened broth. “Pastina. Good for your health. You sound sick. Eat up and go home.” 

Your hand is hardly gripping the spoon when he says that, and it nearly slips out of your grasp to clatter back into the bowl. Mouth half open, you stare at Bruce with wide eyes. There’s not a single hint of maliciousness on his face—his eyes twinkle bright as he runs a hand over his balding head. Though he appears happy—proud of himself, even—you feel nothing of the sort. 

“I can’t go home,” you try to argue, but he quickly cuts you off with a wave of his hand. 

“You’re sick, and you’ve been working too much. You’ve worked more hours than I can legally give you this week, and though I don’t mind paying you under the table, it’s not exactly good for either of us. Rest, before you really make yourself sick,” he dismisses. 

Swallowing thickly, you attempt to fruitlessly hide the tremor in your voice. “But I… I really need the money.” 

It’s all you can think about. Money. Numbers This vicious counting game. How you’re going to cough up the extra cash for Marco and still have enough to feed yourself. To do anything. To live. Or worse—what happens to you if you can’t make enough? How many more times is he going to change your payments based on stupid mistakes that aren’t your fault?

Waving your words off again, Bruce stands to his feet, hands pressing flat against the swell of his stomach as he does so. “I’ll give you a raise, then.” 

Jarred, the side of your spoon taps against the edge of the bowl as you follow him with your eyes. “A raise?” 

“Sixteen,” he replies. “Should be enough. I’m tired of you working so many hours. You need to go out and be a kid before you get old and useless like me, yeah? Pick up a hobby. Hang out with that guy Bianca won’t stop talking about. He seems nice, hm? I just want you to be happy, kid. Now, eat up. You’ll feel better.” 

Bruce vanishes just as quickly as he appeared, leaving you alone with a bowl of pastina and your thoughts. It’s good that he did, because if you tried to thank him for such a gracious gesture, you’d certainly crumble. Perhaps he knew that, too. 

In a poor attempt to save yourself from crying in public, you quickly turn your attention to the food Bruce lovingly whipped up for you. Steam wafts and twirls upwards, hitting your face in a fine mist. Its flavor is difficult to discern with how congested you are, but the rich texture is enough to satiate the hole in your stomach. It always seems ever growing these days. A barren cavern; a void that wants to swallow you from the inside out. Not ravenous, just gutting. 

Maybe one day it will fill itself up again. 

For now, it grows. Slowly. Insidiously. Taking bits of you and shredding them into ribbons. They trail behind you, fluttering in the wind as you walk up the steps to your flat where they then roll down the stairs. It would look beautiful if it wasn’t for the fact that it was you. You, with quiescent feet trudging through the door. You, with the fatigued body that can hardly dress herself into pajamas. You, who curls into bed, a motherless child—a creature waiting to vanish. 

Too broke to afford cold medicine to aid you with your congestion, it takes time before you can finally fall asleep. When you do, it grips you like a vice, pinning you down, spoon feeding you dreams you haven’t been able to see with the hours you’ve been pulling at work. They’re heavy, holding your head under water, threatening to suffocate you; you can do nothing but watch. 

You dream of your mother. 

She’s folding your school uniform in the laundromat—the very same one you use as common ground to meet up with Marco. Washers swish water in their drums as dryer alarms chime the end of their cycle in terrible cacophony. Pristine white blouses become ruined with burgundy—her hands are soiled. Covered with blood. She folds, and you sit and watch her, hands tangled in string, fingers unable to move. Each fold is done with purpose. Crisp. Effortless. Blouses, skirts, and ties stack up taller than her on the table, threatening to scrape the ceiling above. 

“Throw them away,” you say, voice weak. 

She does not look at you. 

“They’re ruined. Throw them away,” you say. 

She does not look at you. 

“Did I ruin them?” she asks. 

You blink. The string around your fingers tightens. You feel them turn cold as ice. Lack of blood. Festering wounds. Irritated nail beds. An extension of the sins trapped inside of you. 

“It wasn’t you,” you murmur. 

Finally, she looks at you and you flinch. 

“Who was it?” 

Fibers snap, and the string falls free from your hands. Fluttering and dainty; it lays on the floor in generous spirals. There’s so much blood on her shirt. An artistic splatter of violence. You can’t look away. 

“You already know,” you choke out. 

She smiles. A toothy grin. Teeth perfect and whole, lips curling, but it’s not real. Her eyes are cloudy—her eyes are dead. Her smile is dead. Your mother is dead. Cold skin, colder gaze, coagulated blood on linoleum. Rotting. You still smell it: stale blood, cologne, and mint. It follows you everywhere. 

He follows you everywhere. 

Your phone is under your pillow, and someone is calling you. Vibrations rattle through the cotton filling, yanking you out of your dream like you’re being pulled out from under water. For a moment, you think you’re home. Really home. Yet, the room is too cold, and you are too alone. Blinking the sand from your eyes, you shove your hand between the comforter and mattress to yank your phone from underneath your head. The screen flashes. 

Incoming Call from Captain Jack Sparrow

You hit accept and bring the speaker up to your right ear. “Hello?”

“Chip!” Aelin’s voice purrs on the other end. “What are you up to?” 

“Uh…” You pause as you turn to lay on your back, eyes blankly glued to the ceiling. You forgot to turn the heat back on when you got home, and you swear you can almost see your breath. “...relaxing.” 

“That’s a first. Hey, I’m stuck at Terminus, and I’m bored. John wanted to have a quiet evening together but got caught up with some work stuff. Wanna get dinner or something?” she asks. 

You sniff, and the pressure behind your eyes and ears nearly doubles. “I… don’t think I’m feeling up to that tonight. Sorry.” 

“Oh wow,” Aelin gawks. Her voice drips with concern, and you hear shuffling on her end. “Are you sick? You sound very… congested.” 

“Yeah, I got sent home from work. Must’ve caught a bug from… somewhere.” 

Aelin says something in response, but you can’t hear it. There’s nothing but ringing as you force yourself to sit up and hack up snotty phlegm, trying not to choke on it as it comes up. Acidulous liquid coats your tongue, and you wince. Vile. Why can’t you ever have anything that tastes sweet? Something easier to stomach than an unwanted tongue or blood? 

“Chip?”

Her voice brings you back to the present—back to your cold apartment with frigid sheets and your pounding headache. There’s no reason for your tears, yet they plague you anyway. Maybe it’s from your cold. Maybe it’s because you dreamed of your mom. Or maybe it’s just because you’re sad, and you have been for a while. You’re just not able to hold it back anymore. 

“Do you wanna spend the night with John and I?’ Aelin finishes. 

Lips curling inward, you try your best to hold back a sob. “Yeah… Yeah, that sounds nice.” 

“Lovely. Riley’s driving. We’ll be there soon, okay?”

An attempt is made at making yourself look somewhat presentable, but it’s hard to make art when the canvas is crumbling. Nothing can cure you of the red irritation plaguing your scleras, nor the constant sniffing from congestion. You make do with fresh clothes and a washed face before shoving a few necessities in an overnight bag. Simple. Small. Something that won’t take up much space. 

When Aelin arrives, it’s a very unceremonious occasion. There’s gentle greetings. A pitiful look. There is no mention of how cold it is, or how the place looks sparsely lived in. She’s beautiful in her peacoat with pristine curled hair and flawless makeup. Perfect for a quaint dinner with a friend. Her viridian eyes look at you with a pity that’s nearly palpable. You feel bad for being sick—she seemed so thrilled to eat with you. 

Simon waits for both of you in front of the building in a sleek, black car that you’re surprised he can fit into. It’s terribly appropriate for him; something that would look perfect hidden in Terminus’s car park. Yet now it’s being used to transport you—a pathetic, ill woman—to her friend’s house as if you’re nothing more than a child. 

It isn’t until you find your seat in the back that you realize just how long you slept for. Dusk pulls its cimmerian shadow over the sky, obscuring the streets in the pale yellow glow of streetlights as Simon pulls into traffic. You got home around noon. Nearly a whole day wasted with sleep. 

Little is said between the three of you as you struggle to stay conscious. The consistent gentle hum of the car’s engine is better than any lullaby that you can recall. A siren’s song. A loving hand on your back. Head bobbing and swaying with the turns of the road, you listen to whatever Simon has droning on the radio; some sort of rock station that plays so quietly you almost can’t hear it at all. Every now and then, you catch his eyes in the rearview mirror, glancing at you like you’ll vanish if he doesn’t keep watch over you. 

It seems he’s still taking Aelin’s request to heart. 

As the car approaches the house, Aelin digs into her purse where she quickly shuffles through a small, periwinkle wallet. She fishes out some cash before handing it to Simon as he parks. 

“Here,” she whispers, quiet enough that your poor hearing can’t catch. “Get her some medicine, please.” 

“Yes ma’am,” he mutters in reply. 

Before you know it, you’re tucked into a quiet guest room on the second floor of the house. Heat radiates from the baseboards, yet your muscles tense and ache in a shiver. To combat this, Aelin has found every spare blanket and duvet she can find and has tossed them on top of you until you are nothing more than a heaping pile of laundry. At first, she had recommended throwing them in the dryer to help warm them up further, but you rejected it. 

You hate making her go through so much unnecessary effort on your behalf. 

Still, she refuses to leave you as you curl into a ball, face pressed against her side as she sits on top of the covers next to you. Aelin always smells lovely. Fresh rosewater and lavender. You’re enveloped by her scent like it’s a warm hug as she rubs a hand along your back, but it’s muted. The considerable amount of blankets only allows you to feel the ghost of her touch. 

“How long has this been going on?” she asks tenderly. 

You shrug. “Day before yesterday, I think.” 

She pouts with a huff, hand ceasing its movement as she silently chastises you. “And you were still trying to work?”

“I have to,” you mumble against her. 

A terrible quiescence soaks the room. Everything hurts, and you want to rest, but you know that won’t come soon. Not when Aelin’s concern is eating her alive—a vicious plague ripping through her heart. You can hear the beasts feasting on her marrow even now. 

“Well, I brought an old friend to come visit,” Aelin grins. Before you can gather the strength to ask her what she’s talking about, she pulls something out from underneath the covers to set it in front of you. “Tada!” 

An old, well loved stuffed animal sits before you with lopsided eyes and a faded smile. Once vibrant, crimson fur has now faded into an off-tone auburn, but the resemblance of a fox is still unmistakable. 

“I thought I told you to get rid of that,” you mutter. 

“I can’t get rid of her! You used to love Pumpkin,” Aelin says as if offended. 

For a long moment, you stare at your old stuffed animal and relive the memories that soak it. It was a gift from your father when you were a child—something you used to hold close with you every night, even after his death. Even after you went to live with John and Aelin after graduation. You don’t know why, but one day you decided that you couldn’t stand to look at it anymore. You’re not sure if it’s because it was gifted to you by your father—the man you’ve tried so hard to continue loving despite his flaws—or because sweet Pumpkin had become so tainted with you that you figured you should take pity on the poor thing. 

When you don’t respond, Aelin sighs and sets the stuffed fox on the nightstand. “Alright, fine. She’ll sit right here for when you’re ready.” There’s a short pause that stretches between the two of you, but it doesn’t last long before Aelin decides that the silence is driving her mad. “I’ve heard you and Riley have been getting close,” she prompts like she’s about to spill the daily gossip. A change in subject. A way to ease you into what she really wants to talk about. “Visiting him at the club, then?”

The club. Andrei. Spilled pasta in an alleyway. Your unfortunate run in with Marco made you forget all about how you ended up in this mess in the first place. The blade of Andrei’s knife glints just as brightly in your mind now as it did that night, and you cover your urge to puke with a well timed cough. You wish she wouldn’t bring it up, but it’s a good sign. 

It means Simon was true to his word. 

“Just to deliver food. He kept fixing stuff at my apartment. Had to pay him back,” you explain like a broken record. 

Lips stretch over ivory teeth as Aelin shifts next to you. “Is that so? Sounds like he fancies you.” 

“Or maybe he’s just doing the job that you assigned him to do,” you reply bluntly. 

Aelin doesn’t tense at your insinuation, but she does sigh as she settles back against the headboard. “Thought he was better at keeping secrets than that.” 

“He didn’t tell me, I figured it out on my own,” you claim, stuffy voice unable to land the plosives of your consonants. 

She chuckles amicably as she looks down at you. Eyes closed, you’re nearly asleep, and you would have been if it weren’t for her conversation. 

“Well, you were always the smart one. Still, I won’t retract my statement. Riley’s had a lot of… partners, but he never lingers around anyone like he does with you,” she insists. “He’s a good man, really. I’m sure you’ve seen that for yourself.” 

“Can’t entertain that,” you say. There’s a sour stoicness to your tone; too tired to be annoyed yet yearning for silence. “I’ve got work.” 

Another stillness—a suffocating one. Aelin’s smile has long since vanished as her lips press together tartly. There you go, talking about work again. Like you can’t stand to do anything else. Like you’ll die without the money. 

“Chip… you know that if you need help, you can always ask, right?” she prods carefully. “Anything. I mean it. John and I… we’re here for you.” 

Help. you think of that word, and a sour cordolium rips through your chest. Asking for such a thing from someone is out of the question. You made that deal with yourself ages ago. 

“I don’t… I don’t need help. I just… miss my mum.” 

You feel the moment when the room freezes. It’s when Aelin looks down at you, doleness unleashed in her gaze. Bringing up your late mother was a mistake, but she’s all you can think about after that dream. You wonder if you’ll ever have a normal dream of her again—fresh, normal, and void of all blood. A dream where she smiles and it’s not dead. 

“I’m sorry,” is all she can say. 

“Me too.” 

When Simon returns, you’re fast asleep. Aelin can hear the sound of his boots on the floor from a mile away; purposefully making his existence known as he opens the door to the only room with the light on. His eyes are drawn to you, body curling into Aelin like you’ll fall through the bed without her. He approaches the bed and holds out the bag for her to take, and the very first thing she finds is every bit of cash she had given him to buy the items in the first place. 

Instead of chastising him, she rummages through the rest of the items. NyQuil, Sudafed, Vicks, various soups and electrolyte drinks. It’s a variable feast to fight off your cold. Aelin looks up to poke fun at the man—at this raging chink in his armor—but she loses all words when she sees the way his hand presses against your forehead. Careful fingers gently brush against a faint scar by your temple as he feels the heat radiating from your body. He watches you with gentle devotion as your shoulders rise and fall with your breaths, congestion causing you to quietly snore. You do not stir awake, but she witnesses the way your brows furrow when he pulls away. 

“She’s got a bad fever,” he concludes quietly. “She looks exhausted. Dehydrated.” 

“Yeah. She’s been overworking herself too much. Hasn’t been resting or healing like she should,” Aelin concurs. 

Fragile silence breaks as you breathe, airways too clogged for you to sleep peacefully. Simon and Aelin stare down at you for a moment, each of them considering the circumstance. Her lips press tightly together in thought before she carefully slides away from you, leaving your coiled form. She sets the bag of medicine and supplies on the foot of the bed before facing Simon with crossed arms. 

“Can I talk to you before you leave?” she requests. 

Simon answers her with a curt nod before they exit the room with the lights off and the door shutting tight behind them. Aelin’s heart pounds away in her chest as it fights against the tightness of her ribs. It’s an ever constricting cage. Relentless. Vile. She ensures that she’s not facing Simon as they traverse down the stairs. 

“Chip is… really scaring me,” Aelin breathes, and she feels her voice crack nearly as bad as her heart as her feet hit the landing. “I’m more than a little concerned or worried now she… she’s always been something of a workaholic, but this is different. It feels like she’s trying to run away from something and she’s just—I don’t know—keeping something buried inside of her. Pushing away any help anyone tries to offer her. I’m… scared she might hurt herself.” 

“Hurt herself?” Simon repeats in disbelief. “Has she done anythin’ like that before?” 

“No. Not that I know of. It’s just…” 

The words die as Aelin’s lips press tightly together once again, and she finally forces herself to look at Simon. He’s nothing but a stone—this immoveable being who won’t be swayed by anything physically or emotionally. She steadies her breath as she wills away the tears welling in her eyes. 

“I’m going to tell you this because I trust you,” she says, gaze attempting to harden. It’s a silent vow. A demand that he not repeat any of the words she’s about to speak. 

“Of course,” Simon nods. 

Aelin swallows the guilt in the back of her throat. 

“Chip’s parents are dead. They have been for a while. First it was her dad, and then her mum. My dad was the Chief Inspector working the cases of their deaths. It wasn’t… from natural causes. She holds a lot of guilt and she gets in a bad headspace over it, and I think that’s a bit of what’s happening and… it’s worse than I’ve ever seen it before. This time of year is always hard for her considering the anniversaries of their deaths, and I don’t know if it just seems worse because she’s sick right now but… fuck, Simon. The way she talked about her mum just earlier, I swear I nearly broke.” 

Crisp eyeliner marks the edges of her eyes, yet it smudges as Aelin banishes the tears from her vision with the tips of her fingers. Still as ever, Simon watches carefully and without judgement as she gathers herself in order to finish. 

“She needs to talk to someone about it, but I don’t think she wants it to be me. There are many things I think she would share, but there’s no way she’d give me the whole story,” she concludes. 

Confusion clouds Simon’s stern gaze, and he shifts on his feet. “What, you’re thinkin’ she’ll tell me and not you?” 

“Yes.” Her reply is speedy and sharp; a warning. No one knows you better than her. “She carries guilt for a lot of stuff. For… There’s just some things I know she won’t want to tell me. Things she can’t tell me because it’s… well, me.” 

Something is off—Simon can smell the stench of it from a mile away. He knows better than to question Aelin, and she seems very convinced that this is the true issue at hand, but there’s an uncomfortable trepidation that hangs somewhere in the balance of it all. A picture half developed. The brittle edge of a cliff. It’s the same feeling that afflicted him the night he fought Andrei in the alleyway—a deja vu that screams trouble if he even attempts to entertain it. 

“Please,” Aelin begs. “You don’t have to do anything crazy, I just don’t want her to be alone. Swear to me you won’t let her be alone through this. Simon, I’m not strong enough to cut through her walls but the thought of… the thought of her like this kills me.” 

Another deal. Another oath. Simon has always been a protector, in some way. A tool which one uses to bludgeon. He doesn’t know if he can be gentle. He knows he’s certainly not palatable. But he thinks of your sleeping form in the VIP room after the tussle with Andrei, and the heat of your fever against his hand, and he thinks he’d at least like to try. 

“I’ll see what I can do,” he assures her. 

Nodding, Aelin attempts to strengthen her resolve with a deep breath. Frayed nerves still poke out of her skin, completely wired with worry. It sparks and fizzles, yet she still glances back up the stairs, as if she can feel the aura of exhaustion seeping out of the bedroom. 

“Thank you,” she says, voice hardly above a whisper as she looks back at him. “Truly, I appreciate it.” 

“Can’t do everythin’ on your own,” he says. 

She scoffs playfully. “Tell that to Chip.” 

Once the front door locks shut behind Simon and the house is still and quiet, Aelin sneaks back upstairs. You’re hardly conscious when she gently urges you awake to press cough syrup to your lips, but you don’t complain. You never complain—not when there’s bitter liquid on your tongue; never when you should. Silent. Pliable. Once you’ve swallowed every last drop, you collapse back into bed, body weak and overheated; slick with sweat. 

She knows she should leave once your snoring starts back up again, but she can’t. There’s something to relish in how peaceful you are in this moment. Not working yourself to death. Not running from the grief that’s been strangling you since you were a child. For a moment, as you lay there in bed, Aelin gets to see you as you were when you were a kid. 

As she stands at the foot of the bed, she recalls the first time she ever met you—both clad in black and unable to look at one another without timid smiles and tear filled eyes. Aelin was the one who had to break the silence. To introduce herself as the daughter of Sean Gilroy; the man who sat in that coffin so adorned with flowers and love. You’ve grown so much since then. A fine woman who should be proud of herself. She wants to shake you awake. Yank you out of your sleep and scream at you that there’s nothing to be forgiven—nothing to punish yourself over. 

She doesn’t. 

Instead, she turns around and leaves, ensuring that the electrolyte drink Simon bought is on the pillow next to your for when you wake up in the morning.

follow @mother-ilia to be notified of updates | get early access to chapters here

[kingofthecotas]

lion's den | ao3

marc at the 100km race in 2026 | 3.4k

i have. compressed the timeline. for narrative reasons 

----

Luca catches him just before they pile out of the house, towards the changing room and the bike shed. It’s not difficult for him: Marc has been hovering, peripheral, all morning. Pecco tried his best to pull him into a conversation, but Bezzecchi turned cold and Valentino appeared from the kitchen and that was that.

Marc fixes the unsure set of his face the second he realises he’s being observed instead of politely ignored. The smile is enough to convince most people—it usually is. 

“You know…” Luca visibly picks through his words before he says them. “You don’t have to forgive him.”

Marc tries not to allow the smile to falter. 

“If you are doing this for Pecco—that is kind of you. But you do not have to forgive him.”

“I think…” And Marc tilts his head, calculating what he can afford to reveal. Luca—he likes Luca, has always found him reasonable. “Too late for that, maybe.” 

Luca’s eyes flicker for a heartbeat, too quick for him to catch even if the rest of his expression is perfectly controlled. Surprise. Marc had surprised him. 

Marc clearly isn’t as fucking obvious as he thinks he is. 

“Well, just …” Luca shrugs, looks him up and down. “It’s good you are here.”

“Good for Ducati?” Marc says, twisting Pecco’s words just enough that they sound mocking. 

“Good for Ducati. Good for the cameras, of course.” Maybe Luca—he doesn’t have blinders on, perhaps, the way Bezzecchi does. Knows Valentino, knows what he does, and loves him anyway. “Come on.”

The moment they step outside, there’s a phone in Marc’s face, wielded by someone in a VR46 hat. Good for the cameras. Good for Valentino.

He huffs out a breath that coils in the air, hangs like smoke, before following Luca to the changing rooms with something sickening in his chest, in his stomach. 

——

Pecco had suggested it first, after a particularly friendly debrief; he’d charged off into the Italian afternoon by three seconds, and Marc chased but decided the championship was close enough that twenty points was better than gravel. Things had stopped being fraught after Qatar—bizarrely, since Pecco had heard Marc behind him and locked the brakes, leaving Marc with nowhere to go but over his teammate’s sliding rear tyre. Gravel trap, Pecco helping him to his feet—and genuine shock when Marc accepted his apology without question. He’d watched Marc for an hour like he expected him to snap, before seemingly deciding he was safe. 

So things had been fine. And Pecco had been fine. So when Pecco won in Misano, clawed some points back, and suggested Tavullia—Marc had laughed. Good joke.

“No, I think it would be good,” Pecco said, his smile half-confused and half-polite—but not joking. “Good for the team.”

“Do you?” Because—Jesus, Pecco had been there. He’d been young, yes, but he was there.

“Just—you don’t have to.”

“Sorry,” Marc said. “Not a good idea, I think.”

“Okay,” Pecco said, unconcerned, and that had been that. 

——

Valentino snares him the moment he steps into the outbuilding, blinking at the same wooden walls he’d doomed himself in over a decade ago.

“Marc! Come here, come here, you need to sign.” And he’s being shepherded towards the table, towards the poster and the pens. Leaving his mark, he supposes.

Cameras. Marc smiles. “So I go right in the middle, no?”

Everyone laughs, indulgent, and Valentino even smiles in return before pointing out a spot for him. Marc does as he’s told; he’s walked himself into the lion’s den, so he may as well play before he’s torn to bloody ribbons.

“And the shirts, behind you.” Valentino is close, too close, a hot vein of lightning in the very centre of Marc’s awareness as they move together, entirely at his whim. 

Marc swallows, wonders if he shouldn’t have come. 

Valentino pulls the hem of the shirt, stretches it out taut, even though one of the hovering assistants had held her hand out to do the same thing—Valentino holds it carefully until Marc has finished, then does the same for the next one.

Then, “Allora,” and Marc is forgotten as Valentino turns to entertain, to hold court. 

——

In the end, it was Valentino who had extended the second invitation, the one that Marc felt like he couldn’t refuse. It was magnanimous, the way Valentino reached for him when he won his ninth title, perfectly positioned for the cameras to capture. Summoned, to kneel and kiss the ring: Marc could play the PR game too, and he acquiesced.

And maybe—

He’d been hot and tired from the race; high on victory; dizzy from champagne and the way his palm had burned, even through gloves, when Valentino had locked their hands together so Marc couldn’t pull away. 

But he’d known exactly what he was doing—what both of them were doing—when he said yes. 

——

Pecco watches them both, not nervous but something like it, over the top of Bezzecchi’s head. 

It’s cold, January-cold, a soft mist sitting over the track. Valentino has his hair tucked into a bright yellow hat, talking in a voice that’s clearly meant to be picked up by the ever-present phones. Marc listens, pretends to listen, smiles when he senses he should. 

“Ah,” Enea says at his shoulder, “we will be fine.” Enea—relaxed, easy. Everything is easy for him, even standing in this crowd of strangers. Marc’s selfishly glad he’s here, and quietly grateful to Pecco for orchestrating them being together. 

At the very least, Marc has something like a shield. 

“Better when you get out and practice, yes?” Valentino says. “Get the, ah, get the feel.” He’s being so attentive it’s making Marc itch, caught under the laser-beam of his focus with no escape. 

Marc swallows. Makes himself nod again. The eyes observing him narrow—and Valentino finally finally turns away. 

When Marc looks back at Pecco, he’s still staring. So is Luca. Not concern. Anticipation, maybe. 

“This was a bad idea,” he mutters to Enea, because Enea won’t care—and he doesn’t, letting out a loud laugh.

“Ah, I don’t know. Good for me. I might win this.” 

“We might win this,” Marc retorts, reflex, and Enea laughs again.

Fuck Pecco. It’s helping.

——

Valentino—fuck him—is right. As soon as the flag drops and they roll out for their practice laps, something settles, even on this plain black bike with his number stenciled in red on the front. Unfamiliar beneath his thighs, and yet he settles into it straight away. It takes a couple of laps, that’s all, before he can throw it into a corner and grin when it bites, when the rear tyre slides how he wants it to. Valentino pulls in before he does, perches on his bike to watch Luca with folded arms, but turns his head when Marc trundles down the side chute to the bike shed.

“Feels good?” Enea says, hair a frizzy halo.

“Yeah, good.”

“You hear that, Pecco? He’s going to win!”

“He usually does,” Pecco shoots back, and grins ruefully. It almost sounds like he doesn’t mind.

——

The day moves quickly: cameraphones; qualifying; a Sky crew that Marc tries his best to steer clear of. He knows he’ll be in the background, though, so he sticks close to Enea and Pecco, ignoring Bezzecchi’s glare. Valentino would be annoyed if someone caught Marc on his own, excluded.

And then—

And they’re lining up on the track, Marc steadying the bike in his hands, not looking at Valentino two spots over who’ll be swapping in the same time he does. The flag drops. Enea sprints.  

Away they go.

——

The bike feels good. Someone kind—Pecco, probably—had made some basic changes to the setup. It feels good, and it’s easy. 

Enea passed the reins over to him from second position, and Bezzecchi slid on his way out of the switch line, so Marc gritted his teeth and just—went. No one in front. A few bikes close behind, so he could throw himself at the apex of every corner, could hit the inside, could let the rear tyre kick out a warning. 

It’s heavy, all of a sudden, a thundercloud rolling in and pressing down—and plenty of people here have blue leathers with bright yellow, but Marc knows. Valentino is behind him. He pushes through the next turn a little harder. 

Corner after corner after corner, Valentino’s bike a growling hum in his ear. Hornet buzzing inside his skull. Marc almost misses the bell to start the final lap; Enea is yelling something as he streaks past that doesn’t carry.

One lap to go. One lap. He’s going to win.

And Valentino is going to look at him like he’s holding a lemon under his tongue, and even the cameras won’t be enough to stop his eyes going cold again, and—

Marc puts his foot down, as if to catch a slide. The crowd noise pitches up. Valentino pushes through on his inside.

The flag waves.

——

Valentino won’t stop glaring at him.

You won, Marc wants to howl, you won, what else do you want? He doesn’t say anything though, accepts his necklace of sausages, and tries to think of the earliest possible opportunity to leave. 

And Luca—Luca keeps glancing in his direction, eyebrows drawn together like he’s concerned, like he can sense his brother’s slow-burning anger beside him on the top step. Spark creeping down a fuse: it’s going to come to a head too soon for Marc to escape.

They let the fireworks off while Enea is pouring champagne down the back of his suit, and Marc yells, twists away, stupid fucking sausages thumping against his chest. When he opens his eyes, shivering, Valentino is still staring.

The fireworks crack. Marc blinks.

——

“This is nice,” Bezzecchi offers across the table. A harmless comment that’s like throwing a stone onto a thinly-frozen pond; the fragile peace shatters.

Everyone else is talking, laughing, eating, and it’s so loud, excruciating, against the tense bubble at the head of the table: Marc, pinned on a bench between Luca and Franky; Valentino, mouth pinched in that awful familiar way. 

“Normally it is just a barbecue,” Pecco tells Marc, gallantly ignoring the heavy silence around them. “Vale is treating us well this year.”

“To celebrate a good race,” Valentino says, voice hard. “The spirit of—competition.”

Marc stares down at his plate. 

“Was it—not a good race?” Luca says mildly. Marc wonders if kicking him is the way to go.

“I expect everyone to give their all on my track.”

“And you think I didn’t,” Marc says, too loud. Enea, further down the table, turns to look. 

Valentino huffs through his nose. “Maybe I expected too much of you.” 

“Okay.” Marc stabs his fork into a piece of salmon. “What did you expect, given that we have spoken, hm, once in the past five years?”

Pecco’s eyes widen, food abandoned as he glances between them. 

And Valentino’s lips twitch, as if to say there you are. That’s what he’d been expecting, because no one can get under Marc’s skin, splinters in nails, the way he can. “I did not expect you to fuck up on the last lap.”

“It’s happened before.” 

“It was a mistake, Vale,” Luca says quietly. 

But Pecco—Pecco stares at Marc. Pecco knows Marc. 

“A stupid mistake.”

Marc sets his jaw, something fluttering in his chest. Lion’s den. “I make mistakes all the time. I am dangerous, no?” 

Valentino ignores that. “Too stupid for you.”

Marc holds his gaze, doesn’t let it slide to the wine glass balanced elegantly in his left hand, until Valentino blinks, takes a sip, rings glinting on long fingers. Pecco exhales, as if released from a spell, and picks up his fork again; it scrapes against the plate, high and piercing, and that’s enough to break whatever hold had Marc bound to his seat. 

“Thank you,” he says, directly to Pecco. “This was nice. I think I will not be invited back.”

Pecco looks at him, then at Luca. “Marc—”

“See you at the team launch.” It’s a miracle Marc extricates himself from the bench without stumbling, feet numb from the cold. He should message Enea, apologise for leaving. Thank him for making it bearable. 

A chair scrapes behind him as he pushes through the door, out into the frigid air. Footsteps in the dirt. 

“Marc.” Valentino has been saying his name all day, and none of them have grated like this one does, this one with no one else around to hear it. “Marc!”

“I am leaving.” Marc keeps his gaze fixed on the house—he will have to ask Pecco to bring anything he forgets, will have to plead with him before the Ducati launch in ten days’ time. If he can just find the keys to his hire car—

“Why?” And even that’s sharp, like Marc failed a test. 

He groans into the night sky, breath misting, before whipping around to glare. “Why? God, I cannot fucking win, Valentino. Maybe I am leaving too early, hm? Did you want to make a speech about what a disappointment I was?”

“No.” But that expression—lips pursed like there’s something sour behind his teeth. 

“Oh, of course, I am sorry.” The laugh that escapes Marc’s throat is sharp, a barking sound. “Did you not get enough on video? To show how—what a sportsman you are. All is forgiven. How kind of you.”

“Jesus, Marc—”

“Whatever I do—” And it sticks on his tongue, stings with the threat of tears. How humiliating. “Whatever I do, you will—you will find something. I am not staying here.”

Valentino stays where he is, halfway between Marc and the outbuilding. “There are no flights until tomorrow.”

“I don’t care.”

“You threw the race.” It’s not—it’s different, this time, not probing, not sneering. 

“I made a mistake. I finished second.” 

“Why?”

“I don’t know why—”

“Yes.” A few steps, and Valentino is close enough that Marc can see the house lights glint in his eyes. “You do. It was not a mistake. You are just clever enough to make it look like one.” 

Nausea almost sends him to his knees in the cold dirt, but Marc is well-practiced at ignoring his body’s cries. He folds his arms. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“If you were going to humiliate me by giving me the race,” Valentino says, closer again, “you should have made it more obvious.”

Marc closes his eyes, bites back the frustrated yell. “You are angry that you won?”

“I want to know why you think I need your help to beat you.”

“Fucking hell,” Marc breathes. “And what if I had won? Am I a dirty rider? What would fucking—what do you want? Because last time—” And he clamps his mouth shut, cursing his own slip.

No one can do that to him but Valentino. 

Valentino, who pounces. “What about last time?”

“You were—angry. Last time I was here. And you would have been pissed off if I had said no, or if I had qualified last and fallen off. You would have—nothing is fucking good enough. So I will leave, and then at least I am just the sore loser you always thought, yes?” He should turn now, walk towards the house. He should. 

“You threw the race,” Valentino says again, and now it’s as if he’s tasting the words, finding something new in them. 

“And I should not have bothered. Because everything I do—” Marc swallows down the sting in his throat; after all this time, he still fucking cares. “You decided who I am a long time ago. I don’t know why I thought I could do anything about that.” 

It’s silent, just puffs of breath between them, and Marc turns around. He can’t be pulled back in again: he won’t. 

“Marc.”

Just—twenty steps, and he’ll be inside. Closer to safety.

“Marc.” Like a scolding teacher, an indulgent king. 

“Don’t.”

Too late; a hand grasps his upper arm, stops him in his tracks—and then drops away like it had been scalded. “Fuck, sorry—I didn’t think—”

“My arm is fine,” Marc grinds out. “I’m going home.”

“Why did you come?”

“What?”

“You did not tell me—why did you say yes?” 

Marc scoffs. “Wouldn’t want you to look bad now you are finally feeling forgiving.” 

“Oh, so you are doing me this favour instead?” The words are hot, too close to Marc’s ear. 

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” 

“No.”

In, out. Breathe. 

“You haven’t asked why I wanted you here.” 

“Pecco wanted—”

“I don’t do anything I don’t want to, Marc.” He can—he knows how Valentino is standing, can feel it like a twist deep in his torso: knows how he’s leaning down, hands hovering inches from Marc’s jacket. “Ask me why.”

“I don’t care why.”

A laugh, ghosting against the back of his neck. Marc shivers. “So why did you come?”

“Good for Ducati.” 

“Of course.” Lips, pressed against the base of his skull, the first tense knot of his spine. 

Marc is so fucking tired. It would be so easy to pull away now, keep walking, never look back: even easier to close his eyes and sink back into him. He’s tired, so he says, “It should be easier for me to hate you.” 

And Valentino must be tired, or drunk, because his hands find Marc’s waist and he whispers, “I don’t want it to be easier.” 

“You never wanted anything to be easy,” Marc tells him, a little too aching. 

Silence, silence that pulls in everything around them: the breeze in the trees behind the track; the faint sound of laughter; the distant rumble of a car’s engine. Valentino’s hands are brand-hot through his clothes, different and so familiar. 

Silence, before Valentino moves, slips his way around so he’s in front of Marc, between him and the house now. His fingers slip under Marc’s hoodie, find the skin just above his hipbone, other hand on the back of his head. “I don’t. Which is why next time you will not give up the win.”

“Next time,” Marc echoes, absent, caught on the trail of fingernails across the back of his neck, through his hair. 

“You need to keep Ducati happy, no?”

“Of course.” They’re too close now, Marc knows it, knows he’s staring into the jaws of death. He wishes he cared more, wishes he weren’t leaning into Valentino’s hold. Wishes it weren’t coiling tight in his stomach. 

Ribbons of flesh: that’s all he’ll be when Valentino’s done with him this time. No need to carve new lines when the old scars still smart. 

“You are very fucking frustrating,” Valentino mutters, and it hits Marc in the corner of his mouth. Too close. Focused in. There’ll be no escape. 

“Always,” but he’s closing his eyes. Valentino was too close to do anything but lean forward, and he does, and Marc meets him with his mouth already open. 

——

The bed shifting wakes him up, makes him roll over and squint, before throwing his left arm over his eyes. “Jesus fucking Christ.”

Valentino pauses, trousers halfway up his thighs, a loose hoodie already pulled on. “Well, I did not think it was that bad.”

Marc lets his arm fall away; Valentino is pouting, entirely unoffended. In a good mood, for now. “It was not bad.”

“Good.” And now there’s a vulpine grin being levelled at him. “You have not changed.”

Marc has, so he glowers and bites. “And you are old.”

Valentino just snorts. “I could set the fire alarm off. The meeting point is by the track. You could get to your car without anybody seeing you.”

Oh. Marc swallows, suddenly cold. “Is that—do you want me to?”

“Do you want to?”

“Not particularly.”

“When I go downstairs,” Valentino says, instead of answering that, “and make two coffees, there will be questions.”

“Do you really think so?”

“Don’t you?”

And Marc thinks of Pecco inviting him, Luca watching him, Franky pointedly offering him a seat at dinner near Valentino. He smirks. “No.”

“Ah. I see.” Valentino taps a long finger on his chin. “Luca was telling me it would be good for my image, Pecco was saying it was for the team—we have been—yes.”

“Yes,” Marc agrees, then, “Do you—mind?”

Valentino drags his gaze down the length of Marc’s body, then up again. “Hm. No.”

“Good.”

“You never asked, you know.”

“Asked what?” But Marc knows. Why?

“Coffee,” Valentino says, as if he’s just remembered, and leans down like he might drop a kiss on Marc’s head before he catches himself. “Into the lion’s den I go.” 

Marc waits until the bedroom door closes behind him to bury his face in his hands. He sighs.

Despite himself, he smiles. 

[yutarot]

RIDE OR DIE: l.jn smau

011: risk. wc: 0.7k

he never usually gets nervous for races. but something about tonight is making him want to scream.

after his fake breakup with you, jeno has been on edge. knowing you told chenle, but not knowing if and who chenle had told, is killing him.

that’s why tonight’s race is so important, for once in his life, losing has consequences. because now, it’s not just jaemin that knows who he is.

you do.

as usual, he gets picked up by his personal driver, his mask and hood both on. he takes his identity seriously, it’s who he is and what he does that defines him. he can’t let anyone see that. not after you.

the ride there was like torture, but when he arrived, his management team suiting him up and passing him along conferences before he finally arrives at his car, he truly feels the nerves kick in.

he hasn’t felt like this in a long time.

his arms tense before stepping in.

he has to win this. more than ever.

because he knows your watching.

he tells himself it’s because you know he’s jeno, he tells himself it’s because his pride is now transferred to the other side of his life.

but truly?

that wasn’t the reason.

the race begins smoothly, the first couple of laps are a breeze but he begins to feel restricted by his tiredness early on. he really has to push for it.

as he gets close to his last few laps, he senses someone at his side.

he’s so close. he’s been in the lead this entire time.

“fuck.” he swears to himself, a whisper of agony.

as the car makes its way into his peripheral vision, he notices its colour.

it’s red.

side to side to jeno, is none other than his rival.

the man who’s been taunting samo since he began to race.

johnny suh.

he wishes, with everything in him, that he could ram his car into johnnys side. but he would be risking both his career and his life.

he could almost imagine johnnys smirk as he begins to pass him. but jeno doesn’t let up, he cant afford to.

so he does what only he does best.

he takes the risk.

as he floors it. directly. in johnnys path.

johnny immediately slams on his breaks, spinning out of control before coming to a stop.

in about 5 seconds, jeno is past the finish line. johnny far behind him.

he did it.

his streak, kept. his title, remained.

samo has won.

he felt pride in knowing that it wasn’t just jaemin who could congratulate him. he was hoping that you would too. as for chenle? he couldn’t give a shit about chenle.

his journey from the podium, all the way to his private room was enough for his ego to double in size, both men and women cheering him on as he gives talks to mics, poses to cameras and even hands out a few signatures, everyone wishing he would just take his helmet off so they can see his real face.

but he never will. and he stands by that.

stepping into his room, sofa, tv and mini-bar all intact, he makes sure he’s alone before throwing his helmet and suit off, changing into something more comfortable.

he turns on the tv, the news channel automatically on, and he can’t be bothered to change it.

grabbing a few things out of the fridge, he begins to make himself a quick meal, cutting up all kinds of meat and extras.

but his attention is distracted as he hears his name mentioned in the news.

and it wasn’t ’samo.’

it was ‘jeno.

he immediately drops the knife on the chopping board, grabbing the tv controller and turning it up, before walking slowing to the tv area, standing face to face with the tv.

watching as his face is plastered on the screen.

“just in, it appears there’s been a leak on social media concerning the identity of faceless f1 driver, samo. confirmation has been made and sources suggest his identity as neotech university student, jeno lee. reporter lee taeyong is here with the full stor-.”

blood rushes to his head, his breath comes to a halt. his anger disburses as he breaks the closest thing to him he can find, a crash echoing from his room as due to the crack of the tv screen.

when he finally, truly, comes back to reality, he hears a knock on the door.

“samo? you in there?”

he has nowhere to hide.

“shit.”

previous : mlist : next

notes; so…… 🤭🤭 who do we think leaked it 🤭🤭 (also i posted my first ever oneshot today!!! and im so so happy with the way it turned out🙏)

taglist — open! @jenohyun @jirsungs @do-you-remember-summer-127 @ddolbyong @stqrgr7 @thatsatricky1 @sunghoonsgfreal @nattan127 @ssweetreveries @flamingi @lesuneczka @chenlesfavorite @peterm4rker @snoopyjimin @akunoeyebrows @junviadinho @slayhaechan @f6llsun @multifandomania @cookiehaos @catecita @mrsjohnnysuh @luv4jeno @hyuckies18 @dreamiestay @tangerinelovelees @jjaegyeom @https-yeonjun @nanaxwi @yukisroom97 @nosungluv @mrkleelvr @neocrashed @jaedgemental @apolloxxivmin @kyubing @catdonut657 @dudekiss3r @juyeonshour @hamjwis @antifrggile @mmjhh1998 @ldh0000 @thegracerammy @jenocity23 @honeynanamin @bluedbliss @lampcults @yyangj3lly

[rafescherie]

Hii, I absolutely loved salt in the sugar bowl, I was wondering if you make a part 2 can it be like reader gets w Jj (or another pogue) and everyone’s like kinda fine with it and think they’re cute tg, and Rafe is just kinda sitting there watching like damn I really missed out..

idk but yeah I think it’d be interesting to see 🤍🤍

SALT IN THE SUGAR BOWL — RAFE CAMERON

only weeks after your break-up, you show up to pogue!rafe's automobile shop seeking his help — and old wounds, and old feelings are reignited.

salt in the sugar bowl miniseries | part one - you are currently on part two - part three |

cherie's note — thank u for the request, anon<3! already had the foundation for the follow-up, decided to throw in mentions of jj, hopefully you like it! thank you guys for all the support! will be writing a third part most likely. (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

rafe hated the pogues.

it wasn't about where they came from, or how they lived like life had already beaten them down. it was the way they wore it — like being at the bottom was something to be proud of. like struggling to make ends meet, living pay cheque to pay cheque, made them better than the ones who had never known hunger, or desperation, or what it felt like to have nothing left to lose.

they threw around words like family and loyalty, like it meant anything. like it would keep them from turning on each other the second shit hit the fan. it was a lie — a comforting facade they told themselves to make up for everything they'd never have.

but most of all, he hated that he was one of them now. fighting to survive, and wondering when he'd finally have his cut of fresh life.

it didn't matter that he hadn't changed — not really. he was still rafe cameron, still the same guy who had once walked through figure eight with his head high, his last name like a golden ticket. but none of that mattered anymore. not on this side of the island.

not since ward cut him off — when his entire world came crashing down, leaving him stranded on the cut with the same people he used to look down on. he'd lost the money, the power, the respect that came with being a cameron. and no matter how much he tried to pretend otherwise, it ate him alive. every single day.

and the worst part? the pogues saw it too.

they didn't say anything, but he could feel it in the way they looked at him — like he was some washed-up prince, stripped of his crown, reduced to nothing more than a lost cause. it made him sick.

nothing feels like rock bottom like being looked down on by the ones at the lowest — the same ones you had once looked over, never casted more than a bat of the eye towards. that, truly felt like rock fucking bottom for rafe, and there was no coming back from that.

he wasn't one of them, he never would be.

and yet, there he was, sitting on the back deck of a bar that reeked of beer and sea salt, nursing a drink he could barely afford, surrounded by the very people he despised.

rafe let his head fall back against the chair, exhaling slowly as he tried to drown out the noise around him — the sound of waves crashing in the distance, the low hum of conversation, and the occasional burst of drunken laughter. it all felt suffocating, especially when he had crashed from so high at the top.

then, he heard her laugh.

at first, he thought he imagined it. he wouldn't put it past himself — if his mind was idle, chances are, she suffocated every crevice of his brain. but when he turned his head, there she was.

and she wasn't alone.

the glass in his hand stilled as his fingers tightened around it. across the dock, against the illuminated ocean water, she stood with jj maybank, her hand resting lightly on his arm.

rafe felt his stomach twist.

it had only been a few weeks. a few fucking weeks. and yet, there she was — smiling, laughing, leaning into him like rafe had never even mattered.

like he hadn't shattered her heart, torturing his own in the process.

like he wasn't sitting there, watching it all unfold, feeling like the ground had been ripped out from beneath him.

the worst part wasn't that she was with someone else. it wasn't even that she was with jj — a pogue, and the last person rafe would ever want to see touching her.

no, the worst part was that she looked happy.

and rafe hated that almost as much as he hated the pogues.

────── ֺ ᪄ 𖹭 ၃ ִ ──────

you hadn't set foot in this shop since everything fell apart. the last time you had been here, your face was stained in salty tear streaks. the last time you were here, things were different — easier. back when rafe still looked at you like you were his, back when his touch was something warm instead of a ghost you tried not to miss. but that was months ago. now, the only thing left between you was silence.

and maybe, that was for the best.

you could have taken your car anywhere else — you probably should have. there were automobile shops scattered around the island, but deep down, you knew no one worked like rafe. he had a way with car, the same way he used to have a way with you — knowing exactly what to say, what to do, to keep things running smooth. until, suddenly, he didn't.

a part of you wondered if he ever felt the same hollow ache you did. if the silence was as loud for him as it was for you.

the thought lingers as you pull open the heavy shop door, the bell above it jingling a little too loud in the still air. the scent of oil, grease and gasoline wraps around you like something familiar, something that used to feel like home.

and then, you see him.

he's under the hood of a car, forearms tense as he works, grease smudged across his fingers and forearms. the sight of him knocks the breath from your lungs — not because he looks different, but because he looks the same. same sharp jaw, same furrowed brow, shame effortless pull he's always had on you.

you hear it before you see it — the slight hitch in his breath, the way his movements falter for half a second before he straightens. his eyes find yours through the dim light of the garage, and something flickers there. surprise. hesitation. maybe even something softer, something you shouldn't hope for.

you swallowed hard. yeah, this was a mistake.

but it was too late to turn back now.

"hi," you greet softly, timid. you throw your arms behind your back, a nervous gesture as you walk a few feet towards him. despite all the noise in the shop; the noise of the ceiling fans, the faint rock music on the stereo, everything zeroes in on him, like the world stopped for this moment alone. "sorry to bother... do you mind looking at my car quickly? my boyfriend's not answering his phone... so he's out of the picture when it comes to help."

of course, jj. as much as you had grown to like jj, his presence was fleeting — always in and out, never staying long enough to settle. everyone knew this wasn’t the right time for him to commit to a relationship, and deep down, you did too. but still, you had jumped in headfirst, ignoring the warning signs. you needed a distraction, and so did he.

his body automatically tensed at the sound of your voice. it was as soft as he remembered, though you sounded almost shy now. he could see the way you shifted on your feet, fidgeting with your fingers behind your back, the way you couldn't hold his gaze for long, and he hated it. h hated how nervous you seemed now that you were near him again. he hated that he was the cause of the change.

he cleared his throat, nodding as he took another step forward.

"sure... sure. let me have a look at it."

he knew he was a goner. the worst thing he could have done in this moment, was accept, but he couldn't help it. not after he'd realized how sad life gotten since he forced you out of his.

rafe walks over to the hood, lifting it open as the smoke puffs out once more. he coughs lightly, waving the grey tendrils away as he looks down at the engine before him. he sighs, his brows furrowing at the sight as his eyes rake over the mess of steam and metal.

"you're engine's overheating." he mutters, his eyes flickering towards you for a brief moment.

he notices the way you keep your eyes glued to the engine, finding any excuse not to meet his eyes.

it made sense — outerbanks had been under heatwave warning for the last week, reaching its peak a few days before the issue had first presented itself.

he nodded, his gaze returning to the engine. "when did it start overheating?" he asks, his voice a little gruff as he wipes his sleeve across his face, wiping the sweat away.

you hated to admit it, feeling the lecture come on before you had even spoken a word, "few days ago, figured it would go away on its own."

he hummed in response, his eyes rolling at your answer. of course, you would've fixed on it's own. he huffed, a chuckle escaping him as he shook his head.

"yeah, that's not how it works." he replies, trying to ignore the fluttering in his chest at the sound of your voice once more. he tried to sound disinterested and nonchalant, but there was a part of him that was happy to hear you speak again.

after a moment of his examination, he finally spoke again. "seems like your radiator is leaking." he explained, leaning down towards the engine. "probably has a busted hose or something."

you groan — something of the sort sounded expensive. it wasn't that you couldn't afford it, all you had to do was ask your father for some cash, and he'd gladly give it your way.

he let out another sigh, glancing over at you. "it won't take me too long to fix..."

"oh," you reply, doe eye accentuated by your lashes, "it's alright. i can get somebody else to fix it, i just needed to know what the issue was, really. thank you, rafe."

his jaw clenched at your words, feeling the ache in his chest growing stronger. he didn't want you to go to another mechanic, or relying on your 'boyfriend' for such a simple fix. in actuality, the thought of you leaving the shop, and potentially never coming back hurt the most.

he was silent for a moment, his mind racing for something to say to keep you here for a little longer, until the words fell out of his mouth.

"why don't you just let me fix it?"

"i mean..." you start, looking back at the shop over your shoulder before meeting his blue eyes once more. "i don't want to bother... i know you're super busy in there so..."

he scoffed at that, crossing his arms over his chest as he looked at you. busy? yeah, he was swamped with jobs, but he could never be too busy for you.

"it's fine," he replied gruffly, trying not to sound eager, "it won't take me long anyways. just let me fix it."

with a shaky sigh, you nod and accept the offer. you knew rafe would take good care of your vehicle — but the idea of being stuck here with him alone until he was finished made you nervous.

he nodded in response, trying to hide the excitement that surged within him. he wasn't going t let you just walk out his door, not today. not yet.

"perfect," he said briskly, running his hand over his buzzcut. "come back inside. it'll only be a few minutes."

you follow behind rafe, like he had expected. it was cute, he thought, one of the first things he had noticed about you. you followed him around like a damn puppy, so eager to spend time with him that it didn't matter what you both were doing, as long as you were by his side.

he gestures for you to follow him to your vehicle, now parked inside as the large garage doors closing behind you both. he could feel your presence behind him, and could practically sense the tension radiating off of you.

for a moment, there was a silence as he began to work, his hands fiddling with different tools and parts. but then, he spoke, his gruff voice cutting through the air.

"so..." he began, his eyes never leaving the engine in front of him. "how've you been."

you weren't expecting conversation — not normal conversation, anyways. like nothing had happened between you two, like he hadn't been the one to break your heart only a couple of weeks ago.

"i've been... good." you reply, shoving your hands in your pockets. it wasn't the truth, yet wasn't entirely a lie either. things had been going good for you, but when the house fell silent, and the night took over, all the happiness seemed to dissipate once again.

he hummed in response, his eyes flickering to you for a moment. even he could hear how forced your answer sounded.

"saw you the other day," he said, closing the hood of your vehicle with a thud.

you frown, "yeah? where?"

"by the docks. with him."

your silence speaks volumes to the man. the girl who once spent hours perched on his workbench, yapping his ear off, now sat quiet. the shy demeanor felt odd. you should've known rafe wouldn’t bite his tongue — he never did. he was blunt, everyone knew that. and the moment you showed up here, you should’ve been ready for him to bring it up.

you blinked, trying to keep your expression neutral, "him?"

rafe let out a dry chuckle, wiping the grease onto an already dirty rag. he threw the cloth onto the hood of your car, "come on, don't do that. you know who i'm talking about."

looking down at the floor, you're suddenly aware of just how much coming here was a mistake.

"you don't get to do this, rafe."

"do what?" his tone is deceptively calm.

"this," you motion between you two, "you broke up with me, remember?"

his jaw tightened, "i know."

"so why does it matter?"

rafe was silent for a beat his tongue poking the soft skin of his cheek, like he was trying to find the right words. finally, he exhaled, shaking his head.

"it doesn't," he muttered. "forget i said anything."

and then he turns his back towards you, just like he had all those weeks ago. returning to his workbench, putting down the wrench within his palms down harshly. the frustration is clear, roaming through the air you share.

and he doesn't turn around until he hears you open your vehicle door, ready to find your leave without even saying goodbye, not that he was going to bother anyways.

"you still wear it," he said, voice quieter now.

your breath caught in your throat.

it took you a second to realize what he meant — until you followed his gaze, landing right where his eyes had lingered.

the bracelet.

worn. faded from the sun. still tied around your wrist.

the one he gave you. the one you never took off.

rafe's gaze flicked back to yours, something unreadable in his expression. something dangerous.

something hopeful. for the first time in weeks.

but before you could say anything, before you could defend yourself or rip the damn thing off your wrist, he shook his head, scoffing under his breath.

"see you around, then."

and with that, he slid back under the vehicle, ready to busy his mind with more work — a desperate attempt at a distraction after all of this.

leaving you standing there — heart pounding, mind spinning — knowing damn well this wasn't over.

[luvyeni]

❛GOOD SHOT❜ ( bokseungah )

p. bestfriend!bokseungah x camgirl!reader w. 4.1k

warnings? threesome, oral ( m. receiving ), handjobs, unprotected sex, facial, nipple play, dirty talk, consensual filming

request: can you do a maknae line smut (skz) please🙏🏼??

authors note. i hope you like it, this is like 4000+ words of pure filth😭 — 𖦹 ( your best friends finding out you're a cam girl and you're not embarrassed ) !

MINORS DON'T INTERACT

“o-oh fuck.” You moaned out, the thick silicone dildo stuffed inside your cunt. “fuck it’s so big, im gonna cum.” Your moans exaggerated, but the people through the screen didn’t know that, they still paid you. “fuck im cumming!” you gasped— then a song played from your phone; someone was calling.

Who could be calling you at this moment? You made sure to always turn your phone off when you filmed videos— you must’ve forgotten this time, and it could definitely be heard on your camera.

You were a cam girl in your free time to make your living; hiding your face so you won’t be recognized, even going as far as to changing your sheets; you weren’t embarrassed but you’d rather not be in public and have a random person recognizes you as the girl who does porn

Quickly finding the phone turning it off, throwing it somewhere choosing to deal with later, coming down from your high— your fans wouldn’t care, as long as they got off they were worried about the background noise. “fuck that felt good.” you giggled. “came so much.” Pulling the toy out of you, thighs covered in your essence, as you teased your clit with the tip of the toy.

After ending the video, it was time to edit it, using the blur function to blur out your face, hitting the upload video to your account. “shit where’s my phone, i need to post it to twitter.” you search around, now in some shorts and a tank top. “ah here it is.” you picked up your phone, seeing who called you— it was jeongin, one of your best friends, you’d call in him after uploading to twitter.

“okay done.” You said hitting the upload button to twitter. “okay to see what jeongin wanted.” you searched for his number, hitting the call button. “pick up you fox.”

Jeongin searched for his phone which was ringing, trying to pause the tv with the other. “what the hell are you doing?” seungmin said; felix looking up from the tv upon hearing your name— jeongin picked up his phone. “its yn.” He said, finally hitting pause. “she must be calling me back.” Seungmin watched the boy answer the phone with a huge smile. “jesus just say you want to fuck her and call it a day.”

“don’t say that— no not you yn, seungmin being seungmin.” He said, felix laughing. “tell yn i said hi.” He said, his phone buzzing. “you too, how about you both fuck her instead of jerking off to twitter porn.” Seungmin said, felix flagging him off, ignoring him, seeing the notification for twitter. “he’s just upset i paused the tv when you called.”

“ah so he’s being a hater as user, tell him I said tighten up.” You laughed, hearing seungmin fussing in the background. “so why’d you call me?” you asked. “oh, um do you want to watch a movie tomorrow?” he asked. “we haven’t seen you in a long time.” he said. “sure, let’s do it.” you said. “you guys can come here, my tv is bigger.” seungmin spoke up again. “not everyone can afford shit, we aren’t even sure how you’re paying for shit, you don’t even have a job.”

Believe you or not you and seungmin were also best friends, you were best friends with all of them; you met them during your first year of college, you and jeongin were dorm mates, and he introduced you to felix and seungmin— you eventually moved into your own apartment once you made enough money from caming, the boys moving into the their own shared apartment for second year of university.

“you guys can argue tomorrow, we’ll bring the food okay?” you heard felix say. “i have extra beers, you guys don’t have to bring those.” jeongin hummed. “okay , see you tomorrow.” he chirped. “okay, bye innie!” you hung up.

“be careful innie i can see your boner.” seungmin teased the boy. “jesus you’ve had three years and you still haven’t fucked her, even felix has gotten somewhere with her.” felix rolled his eyes. “we were drunk and it was truth or dare.” He defended. “don’t bring me into this.” He said. “and it's still further than innie here has.”

Felix ignored them arguing back and forth, still scrolling through his twitter, coming across his recently new favorite account; a cam girl he’d came across — a new video had been posted, the video automatically playing, moans playing from his phone. “are you seriously watching porn right now?” they turned to the boy.

“no of course not, it played by itself.” He tried to turn it off. “well turn it off.” Jeongin said. “im trying the phone is frozen.” He knew should’ve bought a new one. “jesus your phone is stupid.” seungmin got up talking the phone, about to turn the phone off when a song played from the video— he knows that song, that was your favorite song, he knew that because it was also your ringtone; and those sheets, you had those sheets, and the heart shaped birthmark that on your lower hip that he saw when he accidentally walked in on you getting dressed one day when you still lived with jeongin; those same sheets in your bed.

That was the first day he ever thought about fucking you, much like his other friends.

“jesus are you seriously watching it to” jeongin said. “at least do it in your room.” he scrunched his nose in disgust. “shut up.” seungmin said, trying to see if the girl in the video would speak, is she spoke it would confirm his suspicions— and then you did and it confirmed just as he thought as soon as he saw that birthmark. “that’s yn.”

“what?” jeongin got up, looking over the boys shoulder. “you can’t even see her face, how can you tell?” he said. “I’ve watched a ton of her videos, I would’ve recognized if it was yn.” Felix said. “I doubt you’re thinking about her voice when she’s naked, bouncing on dildo.” He said flatly. “this is her voice, she owns those sheet and she has that birthmark.”

Felix turned the phone off, trying to come to terms with the fact he’d been jerking off to his best friend for the past few months. “how did you remember all this?” jeongin asked seungmin. “when you both lived together; i accidentally walked in on her getting dressed, I saw that birthmark, and she had those sheets.”

“and you remember?” felix said. “and you know her voice, seems like jeongin isn’t the only one who likes her.” He smirked, seungmin rolled his eyes. “says the one who only got a boner after finding out it was his best friend he’d been jerking off too, seems like you’ve thought about that kiss longer than you’ve should have.”

“so all of us want to fuck our best friend.” Jeongin sat back. “we’re terrible people.” He said. “not really, I mean she’s hot , anyone with eyes and a working penis would have these thoughts.” Felix said. “and fuck you can’t tell me this video wasn’t hot.” He said. “boys and girls can be friends, but i know what i want.”

“i doubt she’d want to do anything, i mean we’ve been friends for three years and she hasn’t made a move.” Jeongin said. “please she flirts all the time, you’re just stupid.” Seungmin said. “as many times she’s given you fuck me eyes and it’s completely flew over your head.” He scoffed. “its almost pathetic.” Jeongin face turned red, the thought of fucking you had always been there, but seeing that video just fueled that fire tenfold.

“how do we even tell her?” felix thought with his brain for a minute and not his cock. “that we know what she does, and that we—” his voice trailed off, seungmin finished it. “all want to fuck her? Just tell her, come on it’s yn she’d had if we held this in anyway, when we see her tomorrow there’s gonna be obvious tension, and she’s gonna be pissed if she feel left out.” He shrugged. “and by the look of those videos i doubt she doesn’t want to.” He smirked. “i can bet on it.”

The next day you got ready for the movie, sitting out the beers on the table along with a bowl of fresh popcorn— dressed in a comfy pair of shorts and a top; waiting for your friends to arrive.

���leaving your door unlocked knowing anyone could come kill you it crazy.” seungmin walked through the door. “please if the 86 year old woman across the hall manages to not break a hip while trying to murder me then she deserves it.” Standing up, grabbing the snacks from his hands. “why are you two just standing there come in and sit.” You told the boys who stood behind seungmin timidly. “I don’t know why they’re acting like they haven’t been here before.”

“literally we do this all the time, sit make yourselves comfortable, i’ll get some glasses.” you made your way into the kitchen, leaving the boys alone. “stop acting like a bunch of timid virgins and be normal for once in your lives.” Seungmin said, sitting back as you came back with a few cups. “everything alright?” felix nodded smiling. “y-yeah were fine.” You tilted your head. “innie?”

He turned to you, “you sure, seems like you can barely look me in the eyes.” You furrowed your eyebrows. “what’s up with you guys, did something happen?” you hated feeling out of the loop. “just tell me don’t have my anxiety up all night for something stupid.” you sat on the couch, sitting the cups down on the table, giving them a quick glance at your boobs, really not helping the situation.

“spill now.” you said, jeongin decided to say something. “yesterday we saw something.” He said. “and me and felix don’t think it’s true.” Seungmin scoffed speaking up. “are you a cam girl?” he said, if he was gonna be thrown under the bus, he better get something out of it. “seungmin.” Felix said, turning to you. “you don’t have to answer— yeah.” They were stunned, you answered so quickly. “really?” felix took out his phone, clicking twittet, and you’ve put two and two together. “ah so you’ve found it.”

“so that’s you.” Jeongin said, felix pulling up the video. You grabbed the phone, the recent clip you uploaded to twitter playing in front of it. “I post this one yesterday, this was new.” Seungmin smirked, the other two baffled that you were so nonchalant about it. “I told you it was her, that birthmark is too specific.” He said, you turned to him.

“you? how’d you figure it out before him.” You pointed to jeongin. “we’ve lived together, we seen each other naked plenty of times.” you questioned. “yeah well felix has been jerking off to you for the past 3 weeks and hadn’t figured it out, clearly im the only smart one.” Felix face turned red. “why would you tell her that, yn I swear I didn’t it was you until yesterday.” He said, but it didn’t bother you. “felix im not embarrassed about what i do, i make content for people to watch.”

“but im your friend.” You shrugged. “the only reason i didn’t show my face is because i didn’t want to, not because i was afraid to.” you said. “did you like it at least?” his eyes widened. “huh?” you smirked. “did you at least like it?” he shyly nodded. “you looked good.” He said. “I know, I did.”

“you’re really cocky.” Seungmin spoke up. “its annoying.” You rolled your eyes. “whats annoying is instead of using your words and just saying you wanna fuck me, you try and get under my skin.” you bit back. “its been three years minnie , im not dumb, at least jeongin tried to hide it.” jeongins face turned read. “it took me a little longer to figure him out, but you, you don’t even hide it, you just try and hide it by petty bickering with me like you’re a kid.”

“yeah?” seungmin stood up from the chair, his body towering over your sitting one, you looked up at him, a smirk that he desperately want to take off painting on your face. “is that what gets you off when you’re fucking yourself with those toys, the thought of your best friends wanting to fuck you.”

He words slightly threw you off, because he wasn’t wrong, there was a few times on and off camera were you came to the thought of one of closest friends fucking you— it was him time to smirk. “what I tell you guys, girls like her are easy to read.” he said, his hand coming up to your hair, you allowed it, it was actually turning you on especially with the audience. “always desperate to be fuck, no matter who it is.” He said. “you’d fuck your viewers if you could wouldn’t you?” you whimpered as his hand tightened in your hair. “lets make the sluts dreams come true, felix is a viewer no?” he turned to the boy, who was shifting in his seat watching the scene go down. “felix get over here.”

He released your hair, his hand coming to the strap of the tanktop. “take it off, it's let doing much anyway, we can see your tits through the shirt anyway.” He moved to the side, allowing you to take the shirt off and for felix to move in his place. “go a head, suck him off you know you want to.” It was clear who was in charge of the whole thing now, and it wasn’t you.

“yo-you don’t have to.” Felix said, as hard as he was, he didn’t want to force you to do anything you didn’t want to do. “but i want to, I really do.” you said. “you heard her, so get over here and stop being such a pussy.” Seungmin said; felix got up replacing his spot, standing in front of you, his bulge in your face. “don’t just stare at it, take it out and suck him off.”

You undid the strings to his sweat, putting your hand in his pants, fishing his cock out. “fuck.” He sighed, as you stroked his cock. “you’re so big.” You kissed his tip, giving it a few kitty licks. “please put it in your mouth.” He moaned, his hands flying to your hair as soon as you took him into your mouth. “fuck.”

Jeongin watched this all play out and he was definitely not okay, watching you suck his friends cock did more to him than he thought it should, his cock ready to be freed. “yn.” he reached for your hand, seungmin watched him put your hand on his boner, you squeezed him through his jeans. ““don’t forget your precious innie, we all know how much you want to fuck him.” He said.

Jeongin unbuckled his jeans, pulling them down along with his underwear. “shit, stroke it for me.” He sighed as you moved your hand up and down on his shaft. “fuck.” He groaned, the living room filled with felix and jeongins moans; along with the noises coming from you as felix fucked your face. “fuck your mouth feels so good.”

“how about we film this?” seungmin said. “since you like being on camera so much.” He took out his phone. “I bet your viewers would love seeing you all slutted out like this.” He hit record on his phone, recording you having your face fucked your best friend while you slowly jerked off your other best friend. “there we go our own little yn loves being fucked on camera.”

You felt felix speeding up, the tip of his cock hitting the back of your throat, making you gag around him. “fuck im gonna cum.” He whimpered, pushing your head down, making you take his cock all the way down to his pubic bone. “shit im cumming.” He grunted, his cock twitching— ropes of his cum shooting down your throat. “shit.” He pulled his cocked out your mouth, letting you finally breathe. “that felt so fucking good.”

“here hold this.” Seungmin handed the phone to felix. “i want this slutty cunt first.” He said. “lay on your side.” He commanded, you compiled; jeongins cock in your face. “why do you get to fuck her first?” Seungmin glared at felix.

“earlier you both were about to throw me under the bus and im the only one who hasn’t acted like a pussy this entire time.” He said. “now hold the camera right.”

He pulled your shorts off your legs, along with your panties. “look at that wet cunt.” He lifted your leg. “show the camera her slutty wet cunt.” You felt his fingers brush across your cunt, as felix moved closer with the camera.

“so fucking messy.” He finally freed himself from his pants, lining himself up with your hole. “gonna stretch this cunt better than those toys you fuck.” You felt him entering you. “fuck seungmin.” You moaned. “jesus this cunt is so tight.” He grunted, holding your leg up, straddling your other one as he fucked you. “those dildos must not be working.”

Felt jeongins hand on your boob, playing with your nipples; your head in his lap, right where his cock was. “suck him off.” Felix said, his eyes much darker than before, and now full of lust. “fuck, you heard him do it.” Seungmin said, you took him into your mouth, he squeezed your boob, groaning as you took him fully. “oh fuck.” Jeongin held your head down, seungmin fucking into you much fast, forcing you on his cock more, gagging around his length. “shit im gonna cum.”

Seungmin on the other hand felt his orgasm approaching, vigorously fucking your cunt. “fuck im gonna cum all over this cunt.” You moaned around jeongins length. “fuck, do that again and im gonna cum down your throat.”

Felix watched through the phone, his cock getting hard again. “shit this is so hot.” He groaned, watching you struggle to fit jeongin into your mouth due to the angle while seungmin fucked you. “fuck im cumming.” Seungmin groaned, pulling out as his cock twitched, as he came all over your cunt. “shit such a messy slut.” He slapped your cunt. “fuck felix you’ll have fun with her, real tight cunt.”

Jeongin bucked up into your mouth a few times , grabbing the back of your head. “fuck im cumming!” he finally released himself in your mouth. “shit.”

Felix replaced seungmin, handing the phone off to jeongin, rubbing figure eights on your clit. “wanna make you cum first.” He stuffed his fingers inside you. “fuck you really are tight.” He scissored you open. “fu-fuck lix, please make me cum.” You whined. “you heard her lix , make the slut cum.” He removed his fingers, replacing it with his cock. “lixie!” you squealed, he shut his eyes as your cunt squeezed him. “oh fuck your pussy feels good.”

“lixie im gonna cum.” You moaned out. “go a head, show the camera how you cum.” Hearing those words from the boy who was too shy to do anything a few minutes ago was all you need to make you cum. “oh fuck you’re squeezing my dick.” He grunted, fucking into you faster. “shit im gonna cum.” felix pulled out, stroking his cock, letting him cum spill all over your stomach. “fucking hell.”

The camera still rolling as you took a few breaths. “you want more?” seungmin said, taking the camera back, you nodded. “let’s give the whore what she wants then.” You sat up, jeongin grabbed your waist. “show the camera how you ride, do to me what you did to that stupid toy.” Jeongin said in your ear, his voice low. “come on, sit on my cock.” He held your waist, letting you slowly engulf his cock. “oh fuck.” He groaned, as you fully sat down on him. “move for me.”

You began to move up and down on his cock moaning out his name as his hand came up to your boob, squeezing. “look at the pretty slut.” Seungmin grab your face, the camera on you. “want you to suck me off.” He said, handing the camera back to felix. “come on open that mouth, you can take one more cock.” He said tapping his tip of your tongue. “suck.”

Felix got up, his cock still rock hard, bobbing against his stomach as he held the camera in his hands. “can you help me out?” you hummed , your mouth full of seungmin, taking him into your hand , letting his fuck you hand. “fuck squeeze it just a little.” He moaned out, fuck your fist. “fuck im gonna cum all over your tits.” He groaned.

“look at the slut, so cock drunk.” Seungmin said, jeongin bouncing you on his cock. “letting us use you like this -fuck- gonna let me cum all over your face.” His hips snapped against your face, making you take his cock all the way down your throat.

You moaned out, clenching down on jeongin as you came for the second time ,he hissed. “oh fuck , im gonna cum.” He groaned, you clenched again. “fuck get up.” he lifted you off of him, just in time too, cause soon he was cumming, some of it getting on your stomach and thighs. “fuck.” He rubbed your clit. “fuck cum for us again.” He grunted in your ear.

Felix came second, cursing out as he came all over your tits. “sh-shit so pretty.” His hands came to your boobs, toying with your nipples while jeongin played with your clit. “cum one more time for the camera.” Felix coaxed you. “you can do it, pretty go ahead and cum.” You gasped out, letting the knot in your stomach snapping. “fuck.” You felt your juices spray out of you. “fuck she squirted.”

“good slut, gonna cum all over your faace as a reward.” Seungmin pulled out of your mouth a trail of spit following as he stroked his cock until he came covering your face with his seed. “look at you all covered in cum.” He scooped a little bit of cum off your lip, pushing it into your mouth. “suck.” He said.

Felix stopped the camera, finally letting you rest. “you okay, do you need anything?” he said. “A shower.” Your voice was gone. “jesus we did number on you.” Seungmin teased, you shot him the finger with a eye roll. “oh really, think you could go for another round right.” Your eyes widened. “stay away from me.” You said.

Felix helped you in the shower, jeongin knocking on the door. “I need some pants, you made a mess on me.” Your face heated up. “so-sorry, there’s some sweatpants in my drawer that are way too big for me in my drawer.” He smiled. “and don’t worry about it, i would’ve been upset had it been anyone else.”

“i got you some clothes out to wear.” Felix said, all of them now standing in your bedroom as you walked out. “thank you lix at least you care about my wellbeing.” Seungmin scoffed as you kissed felixs cheek. “well how about I call the food delivery back and tell them not to come.”

“and I picked your favorite movie and got it all ready so we can watch it in here so you don’t have to sit on your uncomfortable couch.” Jeongin said now in a pair of sweats. “hmm, well thank you.” You changed into your clothes, climbing into bed. “I found your draw of toys.” Seungmin opened the drawer. “jesus you are into some crazy shit.” He said, picking up the various toys. “se-seungmin put those down and come sit down.” Felix said with red ears. “fine.” He picked up the vibrator one last time, lifting his eyebrow to show you, you covered face. “seungmin.” Jeongin pulled him to his seat. “im done, im done, jesus she just took three cocks on camera yet she’s all shy now.”

“send me that video.” You said, felix feeding you some of the chicken seungmin ordered. “why?” jeongin said. “memories innie.” You said sarcastically. “why else?” you said. “she gonna post it.” Seungmin said. “but your face is in it, you sure?” felix said, you shrugged. “I don’t care, it’s hot and I don’t have to film next week.” you said. “you guys don’t mind it right? I mean I can blur you out.” You said.

“I don’t care.” Jeongin said, felix agreeing. “I wouldn’t have filmed it had I not wanted it to be posted.” Seungmin said. “good, I’ll edit and post it next week, now I don’t have to film.” You said. “I can’t believe seungmin was the one to find out first, I always knew you were staring too hard that day you walked into my room.” You smirked, he scoffed.

“you were naked , of course I was starring.”

©️LUVYENI

[lipringlrh]

race for your heart | mv1

summary: you’re not meant to be there, but you can’t stay away, especially not from the racer who can’t stop winning.

pairing: illegal street racer!max x fem!reader

an: might be my fave thing i’ve ever written. thinking of making this a mini series, thoughts? i’m also not an illegal street racer and have never seen one so might not be accurate x

word count: 3.7k

warnings: illegal, police chase, speeding, mentions of drugs and dodgy men

feedback appreciated and requests open!!

…

You'd been here a few times before, not regularly, never more than twice a month, but enough times to know how everything goes. You weren't meant to be here the first time, you found it by a complete accident but you were grateful now. It filled you with both excitement and dread to be here. It was illegal and wrong, nevermind the fact someone could die.

The place was crawling with creeps and criminals everywhere, one wrong move or one wrong sentence could get you on the wrong side of some dangerous people, but you lived for the thrill. The danger of the drive, and watching the drivers do it. In brand new sports cars you could only dream of affording. You didn't really know much about the drivers, except one.

Max.

He caught your eye instantly when you'd first shown. He was stood there, head to toe in black, his arm placed carefully on his car, showing off all the right bits. He was the reason you kept coming back. He was fast, quicker than all the other drivers, and everyone knew it. He was the one people wanted to challenge, to beat, but they never seemed to.

You'd seen the bets. The money people were giving to the winner after every race. More money than you knew what to do with. You craved it, the luxury and the lifestyle, but it seemed impossible. You weren't a fast driver, and you weren't a criminal by any means yet you still found yourself drawn here every time. And drawn to the driver everyone deemed untouchable.

He was the same today: a winner. You never expected any different, no one did. All the prizes were handed to him on a gold platter. Crowds cheered for him, men patting him on the back as he got out of his car to grab a beer. He met your eye again as he sat at the bar. He was left alone now, the crowds already moving on to the next big thing to talk about. He didn't look away, and for the second time, he found himself walking over to you.

"What's a pretty girl like you doing here alone, again?" He grumbled, taking a sip of his beer. He changed his clothes after the race, now dressed in a white button-down and jeans.

He was weary of you the first time you met. You looked lost, you were, and you were not the kind of person to be here. You looked too pure and good to be surrounded by lousy criminals with more money than they knew what to do with. He wondered if you were with the police, trying to scope out the area and shut it down, but he learned quickly he was wrong.

You explained you were lost and he blindly believed you. He was worried once you figured out what you were doing that you would go to the police but he made you promise you wouldn't, and after he watched how your knees went weak after he called you a "good girl," he knew you wouldn't.

He saw you the next few times you went, looking less and less lost every time, but he never caught your eye long enough to feel confident in walking over. "Can you imagine that?" He thought to himself, "I'm treated as though I'm a fucking god around here and I still can't talk to a girl." He beat himself down over it, watching you interact with people he never wanted you to talk to, in fear they'd ruin the pure image he'd created of you in his head. So he watched from afar, giving creeps the eye long enough to scare them off. Of course, you didn't know it was him sending these men away, but sometimes you were grateful and other times you weren't. He felt bad for a moment before not caring again. "It's to keep her safe," he promised to himself every time.

You didn't reply to him immediately, instead drinking in his appearance: the way his face looked under the moonlight, the way his jaw locked when you didn't reply, and the way his shirt stretched over his muscles perfectly, letting you see everything.

"So?" he replied, smirking, watching you look him up and down more times than he could count, "are you going to answer me?"

You're eyes flew to his face again, watching as he became more confident the longer he saw you looking.

"What did you ask?" you mumbled, holding eye contact.

"I said: "What's a pretty girl like you doing here alone, again?" Think you can answer that?" he challenged, taking a step closer. He saw what he did to other girls, how he made them crumble, but nothing compared to you, and how he loved watching his effect on you.

"I- well, I just came for a beer?" you answered, sounding more unconfident the more you went on. You knew why you were here: because you liked it, but you didn't want to. It was criminal yet here you were, enjoying the thrill and the danger. And watching Max, racing or not.

"And the last time? And the time before that? You don't seem like the type of girl to go out drinking alone, especially to the type of place so dirty and illegal." He asked, teasing, stepping closer once again. His voice was growing louder even as he got closer until he was touching you and leaning down to whisper in your ear, "I think you like it, don't you?"

Your body shuddered at the closeness, your hand flying straight to his arm to keep balance. Instead, you made it worse for yourself, grabbing straight onto his muscles, and turning your face the slightest shade of red. You hoped Max wouldn't be able to see - you were too close and there wasn't much light, but you were very wrong. Crowds moved everywhere around you, but all of Max's focus was on you. It was impossible for him not to notice, he was trying to pick up on every detail that he could about you.

His head lifted back up so you could see him fully like he could see you. Your faces were barely apart, a few centimetres at best, but it still messed with your head, a million thoughts flying everywhere at once until there were none. None other than Max and what his lips would feel like pressed against yours.

You let out the slightest nod as a response to his question. You didn't want to admit you liked it but with Max so close to you it was the only reaction you could even fathom of giving. He was messing with your head and he hasn't even done anything yet.

"Are you going to answer me like a good girl or just stand there?" he says, with the cockiest attitude you'd ever seen. He knew what he did to you, and what else those two little words would do, and he loved it.

Before you got the chance to reply, you felt pressure on your back and you were pushed into Max. He grabbed you and kept you upright, but he couldn't miss the sudden uproar of the crowd and the fact they were all running in the same direction.

He gave you a once over to make sure you were alright before looking forward to try to see what was happening. People were screaming and running and he couldn't tell why. His arms wrapped around you in a protective manner, pulling you closer in an attempt to keep you safe.

So many people were shouting at him and he couldn't make out what anyone was saying. He was trying to figure it out but it seemed impossible. You were almost pushed again but the person managed to stop themselves. Max didn't care, he was almost starting to shout at them for their recklessness until he finally found out what was happening.

"Police! Run!" the man screamed at him before carrying on running himself. It was like his fight or flight mode kicked in and he wasn't going to get caught.

"My car," he said as he realised an escape plane, telling you at the same time. He found your hand and took off running, dragging you with him. He led you both to the side of the crowd so that you wouldn't get lost and led you quickly to his car.

Police were everywhere, especially near the cars. They were parked on the road but out of the way of the runners. Many of them were unregistered or stolen, and others held bags upon bags of drugs. Police were stood by his car, trying to look inside the windows for anything immediately suspicious. They were covering the drivers side and he knew he would have to be fast.

"When I jump across to the drivers side, get into the passenger seat and shut the door," he called back to you. You processed the information, barely, and nodded, but Max was already focused on using his free hand to find his keys.

He got them, twisting them around, and unlocking the car just as he was about to reach it. The police were looking in the backseat, but were too slow to process the flashing orange lights and the doors at the opposite side opening.

Max leaped in and switched sides like a machine, doing it with so much ease it seemed impossible. He grabbed the driver's side door, holding it close as officers tried to open it.

"Get in," he screamed, watching as you paused for a moment. You made eye contact with an officer whilst quickly overthinking your whole life up until this moment. How did this happen?

You couldn't think much longer and you got inside, shutting the door shut with a slam. You let out a sigh of relief much too quickly as your breath hitched with the speed the car had just started.

Max locked the doors and took off in a flash. The car sped up in an instant, going to speeds you never dreamed of. Max was absorbed into the roads, dodging people and officers as he tried to escape.

Your hand gripped the seats until your knuckles were white; this was not a situation you ever wanted to be in. Max noticed, taking his eyes off of the road every few seconds to double-check you were okay.

"I do this every day and I've never got hurt," his eyes flicked back to your face after trying to reassure you, which was obviously failing.

"You won't get into trouble with the police either." he tried again. After looking at you again, he realised how badly he was failing. He didn't know what to do. He was fine in situations like these and had never had to comfort anyone. Every solution was running through his mind, not only to get out of here safe and alive but to make sure you knew that.

"Hold my hand," he ordered softly, holding out his hand for you to grab.

"Don't you need to focus on driving?" you questioned, worried. He laughed and lifted his other hand off of the wheel too. When he saw your face he immediately put it back on but kept the other outstretched for you to grab.

You looked at it for a second before grabbing it, interlacing your fingers together, and bringing your hands to rest on top of your thighs. His thumb immediately started traveling back and forth along the back of your hand as you decided to focus on that rather than the road in front of you.

"I promise you I will keep you safe. Nothing bad will happen," he spoke gently. He smiled at you, not that you were looking, but he thought that it might lift the mood anyway. "Trust me," he added, in the softest tone he thought he'd ever spoken with. He shook his head - he was going soft for a girl he's only ever spoken to twice.

You nodded gently, genuinely trusting him for a moment. That all faded when you started hearing sirens in the distance, getting closer and closer.

Max looked through the wing mirrors before speeding up the car even more. You subconsciously squeezed his hand more, gripping it like a vice.

"Okay, pretty girl, I'm going to need my hand back but it's only to keep you safe. I promise I'm going to keep you safe." You didn't believe him but you tried anyway.

You let go of his hand reluctantly, going back to squeezing the seats. You let out a shaky breath and tried to see what was going on behind you. You were on a motorway, going much higher than the speed limit. You could see three police cars in your view, all trying to catch you up.

Max hit the pedal again, speeding up impossibly faster. His eyes were on the road, occasionally on the police behind him and occasionally on you. If he had it his way, they'd be always on you, but he promised to keep you safe and was doing his damn best to keep it.

"We're going faster than their cars can physically go. We'll lose them in no time." He did another once over of you, taking in how petrified you looked once again. "Sitting so tense is going to make you more tense. I don't want you to worry yourself sick."

"Sorry," you mumbled, taking a quick look in the mirrors to see the police much further in the distance than you thought they would be.

"Don't apologise, pretty girl." he spoke, moving the car to the first lane.

He went round a sharp turn, almost heading onto a junction exit but only just missing it. He sped up again, heading around the next corner with flying speed.

"The police will think we just turned off, we'll turn off at the next one." You just nodded, going along with everything. You barely knew the man yet you were on a literal police chase with him.

He slowed the car down to a normal speed, placing his hand back into yours, "see, we're okay."

"We're okay," you repeated, trying to reassure yourself. His thumb was back to tracing lines on the back of your hand and it was helping you more than you'd like to admit.

It wasn't long until you turned off, traveling at a normal speed down some city suburb roads. You headed into an area you'd never seen, full of some of the biggest houses you imagined the city had to offer. You didn't even know where you were going yet you trusted Max blindly.

He parked in front of a huge residence, with all sorts of fancy cars parked in front. You imagined multiple massive families could live there with tonnes of spare space due to the sheer size of the front alone. It was truly extraordinanry.

"Where are we?" You questioned. Max had turned off the car and leaned back in his seat. His hand never left yours, and his thumb never stopped brushing back and forth.

"My home," he spoke, watching your face convey more emotions than he thought was possible. Your mind was racing a mile a minute: what did he want from you? was he kidnapping you? did he want something in return for saving you? You didn't like the thought of what was happening at all but Max read you easily.

"I can drive you back home if you'd prefer. Or take you somewhere, get you a hotel, anything," he spoke sincerely. He fully believed anything you'd want him to do, he would do for you, and he would go to the ends of the world to do it.

"I don't think I can be alone right now." You said, training your eyes onto yours and Max's hand.

"I can take you to a friend's? I can stay with you? I can take you somewhere crowded? Whatever you want me to do, I will do." He said, promising himself he would do whatever you wanted.

It was stupid - so stupid - the way Max had made you feel safe and the fact you wanted to stay by him. Not one thing led to the conclusion that he was a good man yet you still wanted to stay.

"My house is probably over an hour away." You knew Max could drive fast, you knew he could get you there much quicker but you didn't want to leave him. You looked out the window, at his house.

Max saw the way you looked at it, longingly yet worriedly. He didn't want to push you to make a decision, he wanted you to say it himself. He gave you hand a few reassuring squeezes, urging you to say what you felt.

"I want to stay with you," you whispered. You still stared at his house in horror and amusement. Max could see you in the reflection and could feel the worry radiating off you - he wanted nothing more than to make you feel safe.

"Let's go to a hotel." he said, your head immediately flicking back to look at his, "We can get different rooms if you'd like, but if you'd feel more comfortable there, we can go. It's no problem at all."

"Yes please," you nodded, grateful for Max's thinking. The more he was talking, the more comfortable and safe you felt around him. Past you would probably be calling yourself stupid in every way you knew how, but you felt like it'd be okay this time.

He drove off carefully, sticking to all the speed limits, something he rarely did when he was alone. He took you to a nearby hotel, only a ten-minute drive away. It was a lovely-looking hotel, something you'd never check yourself into though when you could just get the classic cheap ones that always worked fine.

"You okay?" Max asked carefully as you peered outside.

"This looks expensive, Max."

God, he loved when you said his name. You hadn't said it a lot but he felt like he could get addicted every time.

He chuckled in amusement, "I've got more money than I could use if I tried, it's on me."

You nodded and opened the car door, unfortunately dropping Max's hand in the process. Not for long though, as Max whipped around the side of the car to grab it again after muttering a small, "let me open it for you next time," to you.

He ordered two separate rooms but made sure they were next to each other and handed you both keys to your room and the spare keys to his, making you promise to let yourself in of you needed anything.

You felt yourself drawn to him, becoming disappointed as he left you to your own room, longing for more. You led in bed, in the same clothes you'd been wearing all day, wanting nothing more than to just be with him again.

You also couldn't stop thinking about the night that passed and how it could've ended much differently. You were reckless and a complete disaster of a person but you didn't think you would change it if you could.

So you left. You got all your belongings and you knocked on Max's room. He opened the door rather quickly, with a sudden look of confusion on his face when he realised it was you.

His hair was messy and stuck up in every direction but he still looked flawless. He had no shirt or pants on, just boxers, and you couldn't help but admire his whole body.

"Are you okay? Just let yourself in next time. What happened?" he asked frantically, worry laced all over his voice.

"Can I stay with you?" You asked nervously, refusing to look at his face.

"Of course, pretty girl," he replied with no hesitation, he would do anything to have you nearby. He stepped aside and welcomed you in, taking everything out of your hands and placing it on a table.

"You take the bed. I can either join you, take the sofa out here or take the chair in the bed room. And here," he said, picking up the shirt he'd changed into after racing, "take this, you can't be comfortable sleeping in that."

You took the shirt with a "thank you," and got changed in the bedroom. The shirt was long enough that you couldn't see anything if you tried, and it was incredibly comfy.

You poked your head out of the bedroom to see Max half asleep with his head in his hands. You gently called his name, his head jolting suddenly towards you.

"Will you stay with me?" you asked, a lot more confidently than before, but still a little shaky.

Max got up with a nod and headed inside the bedroom. He watched you get comfortable in bed and snuggled into the side you hadn't chosen.

You immediately moved towards him, throwing a leg over his, and your head on top of his chest. His arms moved instinctively around you, pulling you impossibly closer. He was so tired but wasn't going to waste an opportunity of staring at you a little longer.

"Sorry the night didn't turn out how you planned," he mumbled, wanting so badly to kiss your forehead but didn't want to overstep boundaries, "and sorry for scaring you."

"It's okay Max," you whispered, turning your head to kiss his chest ever so delicately. He decided to kiss your head in retaliation, smiling all the way through it.

"Tell me if you want to go again and I'll be there," he chuckled against your head, "goodnight, pretty girl."

"Goodnight, Max."

…

this might be my favourite thing i’ve ever written so reblogs and feedback would be really appreciated !! :) also thinking of making this a mini series, thoughts?

[sweetkiitsunez]

❞ 𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐬 - synopsis: being gangbang by Beelzebub and his clone inspired by Attack the king card

❞ warning: nsfw content (18+) + f!sub (afab!reader) + Dom!Beelzebub + Gangbang + Clone sex + rough sex + double penetration + dubcon(?) + overestimated + public sex + creampies + bites/hickes all over your body + bulge

a/n: I apologize if it so bad!! I was in the rush, but thanks to the person i've talked with share the ideas :3🫶

"Your moans are my favourite sound."

“I could make you feel better.”

“Who would have thought that this is something that you’re into?”

"Can you feel how my body is reacting to you?"

You don't know how long that they had been destroying your holes. There's two Beelzebub penetrating your pussy and hole in a fast pace and your hand rubbing the other Beelzebub's dick. You look like a mess. You are filled with sweats and cums and juice. Your clothes were taken off, but your panties were torn apart due to Beelzebub being impatient, stripping your clothes.

"Aaah, ngh, you're so tight...!" Beelzebub in front of you thrusting your insides.

"Aah! Nngh! Mm!! Aah!! Aaah!" You moan feeling hot already. You could see Beelzebub's dick bulging your tummy. It's so big... you already feel so full. Your eyelids were getting heavier, but you couldn't afford to fell asleep yet.

Hearing the loud wet slaps noises in the busy clubs. Everyone is getting high, drunk, having sex in front of everyone. You felt the third Beelzebub grabs your face as he pulls in for a tongue kiss. You continue to rub your hand on his dick, pressuring him.

Beelzebub from behind you playing with your nipples as he continues to pound you from behind. He growls in your ears while pounding your hole. "Fuck, you're taking me really well, heh." You couldn't respond as the third Beelzebub is kissing you. His fingers is digging into your flustered cheeks. You let out a loud groan as your eyes rolls back of your skull.

“Oh, I love that sound you make.” Beelzebub in front you, laughs while he held your thighs tighter while thrusting ferociously in your pussy. You felt crowded as Beelzebub's clone is eating you alive. You're so cute and sexy in front of them. Completely covered in their sweats and semen. You felt Beelzebub from behind push your abdomen while Beelzebub is in front of you thrust his penis inside you. You let out a squeal and a loud cries while he laughs at you from behind.

“I never imagined you to be so sensitive, but I love it.” He whispered from behind. His dick is still inside your hole. You felt like they're gonna stretch you. It's hurt, but it's feels so good! You never want them to stop.

"Aah!! Ah! Mm!!" You already came... how many times? You don't remember. You felt so full. Your jaw was so sore after sucking third Beelzebub's large dick when he slaps it in front of your face. He just wants some fun. Your mouth was so warm...

They prefer hearing your moans and cries while they're fucking you. They indeed take turns in different positions to fuck your pussy and hole and doing a blowjob or handjob. You switched positions as Beelzebub third is taking over your pussy as he laid on the floor and the second Beelzebub took over your behind and the first Beelzebub grabbing your hair as he thrust his large dick into your mouth. You don't even know which is the real Beel or could tell which positions that they had took.

"I will give that mouth something to do." Beelzebub in front of you groans as he bit his bottom lips. Your throat is so warm... too bad that he has to destroy you.

They're all look the same to you. The third Beelzebub grabbing your hips as he slams your body deep as the tip of his dick kissing your cervix. Your eyes widen as your mouth vibrant while Beelzebub's dick is still in your throat as he let out a sultry groan.

"Oh, you like that?" Beelzebub underneath you, chuckles as he continues to grind you.

"Oh I can do this all night long." Beelzebub from behind as he pounds deep into your hole as he slaps your ass.

Of course the night doesn't end. You continue to gag and cry as they kept fucking you in a new position. Your body aches as you are covered in head to toe with bites marks. You don't even know who, beside Beelzebub.

"Who knew that you're hiding such a dirty mind."

"Our bodies fit so well together."

You were about to reach your climax. Hands are all over you. Beelzebub's hands is much larger than you as they grope your body. You don't enough energy to move or foucs anymore. How much energy does he have...?

"I-I'm coming! Fuck! You're so tight!"

"Aah! Shit! You're taking us really good!"

All of the Beelzebubs are reaching their climax and you too. They even gone a faster pace, literally destroying you and tearing you apart. Your jaw is so sore as Beelzebub wouldn't let you breathe for a second!

"Mmh! Mmn! Mmm!" Gagging into Beelzebub's dick as he thrust his hips in your mouth. Your body is trembling badly, but it feels so good!

Beelzebub took his dick out of your throat as he releases his semen onto your face as the white milky liquid spills into your mouth as you stick your tongue out to taste his cum.

Your body shivers as you feel your tummy is filled with others Beelzebub's semen. You couldn't help as you let out a shiver orgasm. You all came at the same time. You feel messy as you are covered head to toe with Beelzebub's liquidity semen. You fell on top of Beelzebub that was underneath you as his hands spreads your ass cheeks to show off "their" meals.

Liquids semen are dripping from your thighs on the dirty floor. You couldn't move anymore as you laid on top of him, tired and exhausted and filled.

“You’re a lot more flexible than I thought.”

"One more round? Don't fall asleep with us~"

Your eyelids feels heavy as you laid on top of his chest, panting heavily.

" One more round? "

[sirenium]

"TikTok quirky girls self-diagnose autism to feel special" please shut the fuck up and listen to a late diagnosed MSN autistic POC, who had to self-diagnose at first, for one second of your life.

self-diagnosis was the first step for me when learning about my autism. sure, I would argue that self-diagnosis sort of led me to underestimating the extent of my autism, but at least I fucking figured it out that I was autistic at all. I grew up being called manipulative, sociopathic, schizophrenic, difficult, etc. because of medical neglect and so-called professionals demonizing me for traits that ended up being a mixture of autism, as well as trauma that THEY were contributing to. so don't talk to me about some 'it's just white girls on TikTok who want a quirky title' because I suffered my entire life as a black autistic person without a precious """professional diagnosis"""

because despite 'professionals' suspecting autism, they were too busy abusing their power over a literal four year old. my counselors were too busy trying to convince my mom that I was Jeffrey Dahmer 2.0 in the making. so no, I wasn't just a mild case that went under the radar, I was abused and mislabeled. I will forever resent people who think self-diagnosis is just for 'mild cases'. I will forever resent the idea that self-diagnosers are all just ""quirky"" women who want a special label (which is just fucking ableist AND misogynistic to think, by the way), because I was a self-diagnoser who realized that I would have to put aside my trauma surrounding medical settings to get a professional diagnosis, due to the reality that I will not be able to be independent any time soon. I am someone you target when you spew your hatred of self-diagnosis, despite claiming to support people like me.

Additionally, professional diagnosis can simply just be super inaccessible. not everyone has those things covered by insurance, and not everyone can afford to pay out of pocket. not everyone can drive hours out for an assessment, nor can they get someone else to drive them. sometimes, believe it or not, self-diagnosis is the only thing people have access to, and you're also targeting them.

so congratulations, you're hurting more autistic people than you are owning the TikTok 'fakers', and I fucking despise you. I don't see being anti self-diagnosis as any better than frequenting fake disorder cringe. fuck you.

[buckley-diaztruther]

sorry friends it's another long one

ive always been of the opinion that when buck and eddie end up living together it has to be eddie suggestinf/asking. partially bc its obvious gonna be in his house but largely because we need proof that this is a step theyre both wanting, it's buck being asked ti stay, it's very clearly NOT a moment where buck uses big gestures to save a sinking ship

and now the show has so perfectly given is the exact sce priority where this HAS to happen

because when eddie comes back, there's no question of him and chris moving back into the house. the question will be 'does buck stay or go'

and there's a few non-romantic reasons why I don't think Eddie would want/tell buck to go. first reason is financial. buck gave up his loft, fucked his credit even more, and would have a hell of a time trying to find any apartment that he can afford AND that would take him. eddies not going to just kick his best friend out, and at the moment no one else on the team really has a long term place for him. sure, eddies is cramped as well but at least all of bucks stuff is there. this is the practical option that is going to save them both money tbh

second reason is the diaz boys love having Buck around. he cooks, he cleans, he co-parents, and he is literally their favorite person outside of each other. doesn't even have to be romantic, they just love buck. he's family and its really that simple.

and then of course we do look at the romance of it all which. I think a lot of the fandom agrees would the the funniest reason for why buck would feel like he CANT stay. because whether he's accepted his feelings or not at this point, if he and eddie arent together then buck is now going to be hyper aware of anything that could be read as romantic and he's going to try to avoid that once eddie is home. so he's either gonna try to make living with Eddie the most platonic bro thing ever OR he's gonna wanna avoid it all together. meanwhile eddie is just like 'dude. wtf is ur deal just get in bed and stfu ur fine I'm fine and I just wanna go to sleep'

but then eddie is going to have to go to buck, romantically or not, and very directly tell him: "I WANT you to stay. I am asking you to stay here. With us."

bc everyone leaves and sure sometimes they come back but has anyone really ever asked him to stay? has anyone ever actually told buck in clear, explicit words that he is wanted, needed, and that him being the one to leave is not that they want?

because the few times buck has left anywhere (PA, the frat house w Connor, Abbys place, the bouncing between Maddie and chimney before finally landing the loft) it's either been something he's been told to do, or it's something he's felt like he has to do. he's known that he's liked and loved and wanted to a casual degree but no one has ever said that they're sad to watch him leave. no one has asked him to stay. they either let him go or they go first.

(im of the belief that every place buck ever left during his years of traveling was only either because whatever ties he had there dissolved or because he was following someone else, all except for the seals - Bucks first time choosing for himself, by himself, to leave something behind (i don't count Hershey since Maddie was such a big part of him leaving. I don't think he'd have really left if she hadn't told him to go and 'left' him first))

the closest he's gotten to being asked to stay, and i think this moment was huge, was when he brought up leaving the 118 and everyone verbally flicked him in the head for it. and I do think this was so important, but also undercut by chimney and then eddie leaving. it kind of perpetuates this theme for buck of always being the one left behind waiting for someone to come back (happened again end of s7 when Bobby tried to return, and then again where Chris and then Eddie leaving and buck is just there holding the fort to make their leaving either except this time there isn't even the hope of them coming back (he tells eddie 'Don't come back'. not 'don't come back yet' or 'don't come back without chris'. he says 'don't come back' because he doesn't want one without the other and he refuses to hold hope for the potential of them BOTH returning when the entire point of the move was for them to be together in texas)

so yeah. eddie needs to come back with Chris and Eddie needs to be the one to ask buck to stay. because buck needs to be more than a ghost haunting the spaces left behind, more than a spector wandering from home to home with no where that's actually his to keep. eddie needs to choose joy and buck needs to be deliberately chosen rather than just. kind of stumbling into a relationship once more without really knowing how he got there. so ig in a sense it needs to be both of them choosing, but eddie HAS to be the one to choose first because otherwise buck won't believe that he's ever allowed to even want it, let alone ask for it

[heavens-crown]

And They Were Neighbors Pt.4

Warnings: 18+, heavy petting, sir kink, angst. fluff, Minors DNI

Master List

prev / next

“A train derailed?” Delilah was stunned. She knew train derailments were bound to happen but jesus. 

“Apparently, I gotta head down there, they're going to want all hands on deck.” Robbied said apologetically. Mock frowning at him she simply grabbed his phone and inputted her number. 

“First off don’t apologize, second off if you need anything just call me ya?” Delilah’s heart was racing. This was the most forward she had ever been with a man and she wasn’t quite sure how it would be received. 

“Thank you Delilah, I’ll more than likely take you up on it.” Robby chuckled. Kissing her forehead he scooted past her to get ready. “Stay away from knives for the rest of the day.”

Feeling rooted to the spot she stared at the door he had just clicked shut behind him. Gently touching her forehead she felt as if her whole body was warm. Ok so maybe he really was flirting with her. Sitting back down on the couch she did the one thing that made sense. She called Cherry. 

“Girl you are not going to fucking believe what’s happened.”

Arriving at the pit Robby took a moment to look around. People were swarming everywhere getting patients moved upstairs, nurses and residents getting PPE pulled on. He took a moment to search for Jack, finding him talking to Gloria. Oh Joy. Jack spotted him and began briskly walking toward him. 

“Thank christ you’re here, admin has been driving me up a wall.” Jack yanked Robby into a hug before pulling back. Snorting quietly Robby just shook his head. He knew better than anyone that Jack was prone to his micro outbursts. 

“Any idea how bad it is?” He asked. Quickly getting into his own PPE Robby glanced around taking stock of who was here. Jack shook his head shrugging into his gear.

“No clue but from what we’ve heard initial reports aren’t looking bad but not great either. Apparently it was a cargo train that derailed and went into a building.” Jack said. 

“At this point I'll take what I can get.” Sirens were approaching the hospital. Everyone stood ready for what was about to be a chaotic few hours. 

Eight hours had passed since Robby arrived at the hospital and it had been a shit show. There were more victims than initially thought, some were injured so gravely that it’d be a miracle if they survived the night. The worst had been a little girl who had been crushed by rubble. Robby shoved it to the back of his mind. He couldn’t afford to think about it too hard or he’d crumble. Things had slowed down significantly with anyone who was critical being taken care of and moved to surgery or wherever they needed to be more. Taking a moment to drink some water he felt like he was under water. His ears were ringing and no matter how much water he drank it felt like his mouth was full of cotton. It took him a moment to realize Jack had been talking to him. 

“I’m sorry man, what did you say?” He asked. Jack watched him with a concerned look on his face. 

“I asked if you were ready to get out of here. Night shift just rolled in so we’re good to dip.” Jack was watching him with that look that said whatever excuse he came up with would be met with Jack’s classic ‘bullshit’ stare. 

“Uh ya, just give me like ten minutes?” Robby asked. Thankfully Jack didn’t ask for details and simply nodded. Walking into the staff lounge Robby sat down at the table staring into space. Part of him wanted to crawl into a hole and never come back out. The other part of him wanted to call Delilah despite the fact that it was already seven pm. The urge to call her won out and he was yanking his phone out of his pocket and pressing her contact. It rang three times before she answered. 

“Hello?” Delilah answered. Hearing her voice after this hellish shift felt like a balm on his mind. 

“Hey Delilah, it’s uh Robby.” Robby said. 

“Oh hey! Sorry I didn’t check my caller ID when you rang. You getting off shift?” God she was so bright and bubbly. Suddenly Robby felt as if he even breathed wrong everything would come crashing down. 

“Ya I am. I actually wanted to see if you’d be ok with me coming over? It’s just today…” Robby hesitated trying to find the right words. Delilah however didn’t skip a beat. 

“You’re always welcome over, in fact I am making some spaghetti and garlic bread for din-din as we speak. Since I can never portion pasta out correctly I'm definitely going to need some help eating it all.” She laughed. With that Robby felt his muscles relax and he released a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding. 

“I’ll be there in thirty minutes if thats ok?” Robby asked. Delilah chuckled on the other end of the line. 

“That’s fine with me. I’ll see you when you get here.” With that she hung up. Letting out a breath Robby leaned back in his chair, rubbing the back of his neck.

“So who’s Delilah?” Jack asked from the doorway. Robby stood up grabbing his backpack from the floor. 

“She’s my neighbor,” he said simply. And right on cue was Jacks ‘bullshit’ stare. 

“Right. A neighbor that you’re almost begging to spend time with when you won’t even get a beer with me after a rough shift.” Jacked nodded to himself as if he had found the answer to a math problem. Robby rolled his eyes gesturing for Jack to head out of the lounge. Waving bye to the nurses and residents he found himself trudging toward the exit. 

“She just moved into the apartment next to me. She’s young so while I may like something to happen I can’t  just rely on body cues to assume she also wants something,” Robby said. Jack stared at him almost stunned for a moment.

“Ok tell me everything from the beginning,” He said. With a sigh Robby began recounting the past 24 hours. 

Delilah moved about her kitchen listening to music from her speaker. Her call with Cherry had been rather interesting, which meant it had been Cherry encouraging her to do crazy shit. Humming to herself she added the pasta sauce to the meat simmering in the pan. While that combined she went about draining the noodles and getting the garlic bread out of the oven. Just as she added the noodles to the sauce there were three sharp knocks at her door. Putting the pot back down on the stove she made her way to the door, opening it to find an exhausted Robby. 

“Hey! Come on in, you want anything to drink? I made a run to the store and got some wine to pair with the spaghetti,” She walked back into the kitchen while he dropped his backpack by the door. 

“Glass of wine sounds good. Or three.” He sounded exhausted. Humming along to the song she poured them both a glass of red wine. “I’m sorry for taking up so much of your time.” Delilah frowned at him. She set the glass down in front of him and simply looked at him. Then she flicked him in the forehead.

“What did I say about apologizing? You aren’t really taking up any of my time. I got a ton of work done today while you were out saving lives,” She smiled and walked back to the kitchen to plate up their food. 

“Did you have to flick me?” Robby grumbled. Shaking her head Delilah set his plate down in front of him. Sitting across from him at the table she gave him her most angelic smile.

“I wouldn’t have to if you didn’t spout stupid shit,” She quipped. He shook his head and dug into his plate of food. They ate in comfortable silence, the music providing good background noise to cover the sounds of eating and forks clicking on plates. 

“What did you do today? You stay away from knives?” Robby asked quietly. Laughing, she finished her bite of garlic bread before answering. 

“Well right after you left I did about six or so hours of work, ran out of charts to code so I decided to go to the store to get stuff for dinner. After that I went through all the requests for the art commissions and then started on dinner.” She said, Robby raised an eyebrow at her answer. 

“Sounds like you had a busy day. Any crazy art requests?” He asked. Delilah snorted and nodded her head. 

“Oh you wouldn’t believe the requests I get. Today I got a request for an OC and mothman in a BDSM dungeon,” Seeing the slightly horrified look on his face made Delilah laugh. 

“Mothman?” Was all he could get out. Delilah laughed harder especially when she saw that he still looked completely befuddled. 

“Believe it or not, that isn’t the weirdest thing I've ever been requested to draw,” Delilah took a drink of her wine. “You want to talk about your day or would you rather we just veg out on the couch and watch Bridgerton with me?” Robby blew out a harsh breath rubbing the back of his neck. 

“You promise I'm not being a burden?” Delilah glared at him. 

“I’m going to punch you the next time you say something stupid like that,” She declared. Biting back a laugh Robby sighed and gave her a small smile. 

“Are you always this violent with your friends?” He grumbled. Before she could respond he stood and grabbed the plates from the table. Sitting back cradling her glass of wine Delilah smiled at him. His grumpy tone made her stomach twist in a pleasant way. 

“Yes Sir, now that you’re officially my friend all bets are off.” Shooting him another smile she stood, refilling their glasses so they could move to the couch. 

Jesus christ she’s going to be the death of me, Robby thought. Hearing her say ‘yes sir’ in that sweet as honey tone made his stomach clench and he had to try to think of anything else so he wouldn’t pop a random erection like a hormonal teenager. As they sat on the couch she sat close to him and began getting Bridgerton up on the TV. He took a small sip of his win before settling it on the coffee table. 

“So give me a breakdown of Bridgerton, what's it about?” He asked. Delilah lit up and began rapid fire, throwing information at him. Truthfully he didn’t hear everything she said he was too busy watching her. Her eyes were bright and a smile accentuated her full lips, she was so animated when talking about something as simple as a TV show it helped the knots in Robby’s chest loosen. As the show started he found himself watching her more than the show. Throughout the episodes she would interject her own commentary on the characters or the plot. It was refreshing being able to just sit there and not be expected to solve someone's problems. It took him a moment to realize she was talking to him and not just about the show. 

“I love slow burns like this but I know that if I were in a situation like this I’d go crazy,” she said. “Like I don’t want someone to pine after me for years and then do some crazy proclamation of love. That shits tedious ya know?” She was looking up at him with a small smile on her face. The wine had a bit of a flush staining her cheeks and at some point her hair had come out of its ponytail and now framed her face. He wasn’t sure what spurred him on in the moment, if it was the alcohol clouding his judgment or the fact that with her so close he could smell the hint of vanilla from her lotion or some divine being forcing his hand. But the next thing he knew Robby had one hand cradling her cheek while he kissed her. 

Delilah gasped into the kiss and tensed for the briefest moment. Before he could pull away and apologize she kissed him back eagerly nipping at his bottom lip. A groan rumbled in his chest as he sunk his hand into her hair at her nape. She moved, never breaking the kiss to straddle his lap and settle herself there. Everything about her overwhelmed his senses, the way she ran her fingers through his hair lightly scraping her nails against his scalp. How her tits pressed to his chest as she tried to get as close to him as she could. The smell of her lotion and the soft skin of her thighs where he gripped her to keep her steady. She pulled back and he could see the flush on her face had deepened and her pupils had dilated. 

“I thought I was going to have to throw myself at you,” She murmured before pressing open mouth kisses to his jaw and down his neck. 

“I was trying to not be a pervy old man,” He responded grunting when she nipped his chin. Tugging hard on her hair he leveled a glare at her. “Watch the teeth little girl.” She gave him a self indulgent smile. 

“If you’re a dirty old man, what does that make me? Especially since I’ve been thinking some very inappropriate thoughts about you,” She said sweetly. His heart hammered in his chest at the very frank statement. Ignoring her question he just tightened his grip on her, enjoying the small gasp that escaped from her mouth. Robby pulled her back to him, this kiss rougher than the last. He nipped at her lip and when she let out a soft moan he slipped his tongue into her mouth. His free hand slid its way up the oversized shirt she was wearing to palm at her breast. He froze for a moment when he felt a metal bar going through her nipple. 

“You have your nipples pierced?” It wasn’t a question but a statement. Smiling at him she hummed and leaned back just enough to tilt her head to the side. 

“You want to see them?” She teased. His cock jerked at the invitation, and he had to stop himself from simply throwing her down on the couch and getting straight to it. 

“Fucking minx,” He groaned and sealed his mouth over the crook of her neck, sucking hard to leave a mark. She moaned again and snaked her hand in between their bodies to palm at his cock through his pants. “Careful, keep this up and I won't be able to control myself.” 

“Is that an order sir?” She hummed. He pulled away from her neck and locked eyes with her. He could see the challenging glint in her eyes and he felt the last thread of his control snap. Surprising her he moved quickly, pinning her back against the couch so he could hover over her. He settled his weight on top of her while shoving his thigh between hers to hold her in place. 

Keeping eye contact with her Robby ran his fingers along the waistband of her shorts. “Keep being a brat and I promise you won’t like what happens next.” He watched her carefully, gauging what she would do next. Surprising him she simply relaxed against the couch and wrapped her arms around his neck. 

“Yes Sir,” she murmured, pulling him back down for another rough kiss. Robby pressed his thigh harder against her pulling a whimper from her. Pressing kisses across her jaw to her ear he nipped at her throat. 

“You want to ride my thigh, little girl? Or do you want something more,” he snaked one hand behind her head to get a handful of her hair gripping it tightly. She bucked her hips in response but he just shook his head at her. “Use your words.”

“I want you inside me,” she whimpered. “Your fingers, your cock anything.” A groan left his throat the way she was looking up at him. She sounded so needy and it took more effort than he’d like to not cum in his pants. Just as he sat up to yank her shorts off her phone began ringing on the coffee table. She groaned and grabbed the phone before frowning at it. 

“Answer it and tell whoever it is you're busy,” Robby said. He knelt between her spread thighs running his hands across them. Huffing she answered with a gruff hello. He watched as she tensed up and sat up a bit. 

“Is she ok?” She asked, worry evident in her tone. “Fuck ok i’ll be right there which hospital is she going to? Thank you,” She ended the call and looked up at him.

“What’s wrong?” He asked as he helped her sit up. Clearly on edge she took a shaky breath in and gripped his forearms.

“That was my grandmother's nursing home. She's being transported to the hospital.”

[srldesigns6277]

If the kids family entered the country illegally then yeah, they should get deported?? Lmao??

There's only so many people a country can sustain. Every country worries about its citizens first and foremost. The obligation of a country and the politicians is to take care of their own FIRST. Everyone else is second. If you want to move someplace else then fucking do it legally and see if they let you in. You don't get to just jump the fucking border and rub your hands like a shitty little fly.

I am going to break this down point by point.

Your first statement: One that's fucking appalling since I know people who have seen the inside of those fucking facilities. I have seen the cages they have put children in before. No one. NO FUCKING PERSON should be put in a fucking cage. Many of the students I know and see have entered the country on visas and do work, but many American students I know won't. Many of them also have experiences that would make your head spin, from either their home countries or Border Agents. My community is better off with our immigrant population. We have construction workers, plumbers, thriving restaurants, and community groups. Many of the immigrant students and their parents have entered the healthcare industry here, too. They are integral to our community.

Your second statement: Did you know our country pays farmers to burn their crops or to not plant them at all? We often have overproduction in certain cash crops like corn and wheat. Most homes in the United States are owned by corporations rather than individual citizens, which has led to more homelessness, especially as those corporations tend to increase rent exponentially each year, often pricing people out of being able to afford rent. If the country truly cared about its citizens first, wouldn't it do something about the corporations?

Third statement: Similarly to what I just stated, If the obligation of Congress, the President, and the Judiciary, wouldn't they want to lower the infant mortality rate? Wouldn't they want to lower the pregnancy mortality rate? Wouldn't they want your prescriptions to be lower? Wouldn't they work with veterans to ensure they had easy access to healthcare and homes? Wouldn't college be cheaper or at least more accessible? Wouldn't they care about climate change since, as we just saw this past week(Jan 2025), the deep south has been under snowfall, the last time being the 1890s? Wouldn't they want to protect the rights of citizens since CITIZENS are you claim they want to help over immigrants? Wouldn't a government that cared want to have affordable homes for people?

Fourth statement: What ever happened to the poem on the Statue of Liberty?

"Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

Or does that just matter if you are European? My family went through Ellis Island, where all they had to do was present their names and what they brought with them. But they were from Italy, so they were deemed okay, right? Or my family from Germany immigrated in the 1840s and were just allowed to move and create their own farms in Western Pennsylvania or Ohio. Or even still, the individuals who come on work or college visas, the H1B visas, are deemed perfectly fine. What's the difference there?

Your fifth statement: Our families probably did that, from the boats of Ellis Island in the East and Angel Island in the West. Plenty of people have been allowed to stay after doing similar things in the past, so why is it different now?

Next time just say your racist and move the fuck on.