#first of all: my art is for me. almost everything i’ve crocheted has been for me because i wanted it

[boycritter]

also the assumption that the art you created FOR YOURSELF !!!! BECAUSE YOU WANTED IT!!!! is by default available for consumption by others???

yes, the price you would charge is expensive but the fact that so many people are automatically jumping to “wow, i couldn’t afford that, and you’re terrible for charging so much” but you’re not charging that much! because you’re not selling them!!

it’s so bonkers how fast fashion and capitalism in general has our reaction to cool art (ESPECIALLY fiber arts/textiles) be “I want to purchase that” and not admiration and appreciation for the artists skill

still thinking about the brainrot that fast fashion has caused in people, like i made this pair of pants that are black and white with a cool flowery design, and an acquaintance saw them and said "wow i'd pay like 20 dollars for you to make me a pair" and i could barely think with how utterly horrified i was at that; i told them that 20 dollars wouldn't even cover the materials, let alone the hours of work that went into cutting, sewing, ironing, hemming, altering, etc. they just had this look on their face when i told them that, when i said i wouldn't make them a pair for even 100 dollars because that was still way too low of an amount, a look that said "you're crazy for thinking that those cost 100 dollars" and maybe i am crazy but holy shit, 20 dollars for a pair of handmade, durable, lined pants fitted specifically to your measurements? 20 dollars for upwards of 60 hours of work? 20 dollars for several yards of high-quality fabric, thread, and buttons? 20 dollars???

[callmewrinkles3]

Exclusive: Part Two From The Excerpts of Daniel Ricciardo’s Autobiography.

The Perth News, July 2035.

The former Formula One Champion talks about his wife, his family, and gives insights into his personal life like never before.

I know that everyone who reads this is more interested in my life and racing than in me praising my wife, but here’s the thing. She is my life. Her and our kids are my entire universe.

I’ve done some of the coolest things possible in my life. I’ve spent most of my adult life racing, I’ve driven the fastest cars in the world. I’ve sat into the ones that my heroes drove and driven them around the same racetracks they did. I went to hell and clawed my way back with Emma at my side and won a championship, but I can tell you that I’ve never felt as happy as the day I got to hold my kids for the first time. I’ve never been as proud as the day my wife brought our kids into the world and our family got a little bit bigger. But that’s a story for later. I’m going to tell you all about how much I love my kids in a few chapters, but before I do I need you to understand that they’re as amazing as their mother.

As I’ve been told countless times, everyone knows that we love each other. We’re the parents who are always holding hands at the school events, the ones that Lulu cringes about and tells her friends that “mama and dad keep kissing”. But the world doesn’t know everything that Em has done. They don’t know the things she’s sacrificed for me - her privacy, her solitude, her ability to walk down the street alone. That’s why I need to tell the world how wonderful she is. That’s why there’s some things you should know about my wife.

She is the coolest. Nobody in the world is as cool as her, not even me. She doesn’t believe in God, but she does believe in the power of Taylor Swift to solve world problems. She loves art, history, museums, and castles. And she brings me to a new one no matter where we are in the world. She loves crime shows and knows so much about true crime it’s almost scary. She can tell you which episode of Criminal Minds you’re watching from a single frame, and I can confirm that Penny wasn’t named after Penelope Garcia, but we did think about doing that.

She loves shiny things and Legos, and still says her best Christmas present was a Lego flower set we spent Christmas 2020 making together. She’d rather eat homemade food than dine at a Michelin Star restaurant, and she’s the sole reason we don’t have breakfast for dinner every day. She is the sweetest, strongest, most loving woman in the world. She is the most patient person I know. When we became parents we promised we wouldn’t yell at our kids, and our kids have never heard her raise her voice in anger. I know they never will.

She’s so smart and bright and I call her a genius at least once a day because it’s true. I wasn't going to mention this because it's not my place to say, but Em said I can. She's autistic. We found out after we got married, and a lot of things just slipped into place about her and our relationship. It's not a bad thing. It's not a negative. Her brain just works differently to mine, and she sees things I never would. It's one of the things I love her for, not in spite of it. But it's part of why the rumours and crap said about her hurt so much. Her brain picks up the patterns that everyone else misses and without her I would have been completely blindsided in Hungary in 2022. She was the first one to realise there was a chance for a seat in 2023.

She’s loyal beyond comprehension. She will never spill a secret if you ask her to keep it. She lights up a room as soon as she walks in. She’s so funny it’s unbelievable even though she insists she’s not. She gives the best hugs (as voted by our family) and kisses (as voted by me) in the world. She loves crocheting things and used to travel around the world with yarn and her hooks to make stuffed animals. Each one of our kids has a blanket that she made, and she made one big enough for me.

Every single thing she’s achieved in life is because she worked so fucking hard for it. Em has built herself up from the ashes more times than any person should, and more times than anyone I know could. She rebuilt us and me brick by brick when any other person would have walked away and nobody would have blamed them. And then she’s the reason we built up our family of five and she’s the one who keeps our family going. She’s the heart and soul of this family. She loves being a mum, and she was made to be one. She loves our kids - and somehow me because I’m a lucky, lucky man - more than anything or anyone in the world. She deserves everything in this world and the day we got together I made it my job to make it possible.

She’s the sweetest woman in the world and she couldn’t hurt a fly even if she tried. She’s selfless to a painful degree and trying to explain she can be selfish felt impossible. She still isn’t. She’s the kind of person who remembers everyone’s birthdays and has cards and a cake. She asks how everyone is because she really worries. She’ll stay sitting listening to you ramble for hours, even if it’s about things that she has no interest in or doesn’t understand because she knows it means something to you. She let me talk about wine, I made it my mission to create one that she’d drink and I did it.

Emma Ricciardo is the woman who puts everyone else first. She’s been willing to do things that make her life worse in so many ways because she thinks it’ll be easier for other people. She puts her wants and needs behind everyone else’s, and no matter what she still does. It’s just one of the reasons I always put her first in life because she won’t put herself first. You know the thing on flights, put your own mask on before helping others? Emmy doesn’t do that. She helps everyone else first.

She makes the hard days easier. During the worst time in our lives when I could barely get out of bed to go to work she was the one who made the noise go away. She’d wrap me in her arms because it was the one place I felt I wasn’t tearing myself apart. She drove me to and from the McLaren MTC and waited around Woking for me because she knew I needed her. She’s the only person who could ever quiet that overactive, anxious voice in my head. She still is.

And on top of that she’s fucking gorgeous. I know I’m biased, but have you seen her? She’s beautiful inside and out and Milo is so lucky he looks like his Mama. Don’t get me wrong, our girls are beautiful because they look like me but Milo got to take after Em and I love that we have her mini me too. She’s this tiny little British crazy woman who can verbally kick anyone’s ass but smiles like a child when songs she likes come on the radio. She grins at me and I forget what I was saying. I can’t count how many times I forgot what I was talking about during an interview in the paddock. I know there’s YouTube compilations of me losing my train of thought, and I can confirm any of them after mid 2018 were because I saw her.

I can’t count the amount of times my brain went blank and I stopped listening to whatever anyone was asking me, simply because I saw her passing by. She would walk anywhere in my eyesight with Blake and Michael and I could recognise her no matter how far away she was. And then my brain turned into a mess of rainbows, hearts, and glitter. That’s how terribly in love with her I am. She grins and her nose wrinkles and I remember seeing her in that kitchen and wanting to kiss her. It’s how she got her instagram username, I started calling her Wrinkles that night.

I seriously don’t know how I got so lucky. I’ve tried working out how but in the nearly twenty years since we met I still don’t know. Somehow the strongest and most beautiful woman in the world agreed to marry me and call me her husband and let me call her my wife and my baby mama, and I still don’t understand it. She loves me and more than that she likes me, and how cool is that?

I could go on for this entire book to talk about all the things I love about her but I’ll keep most of that to myself to get to the point. There’s a really small circle of people who are lucky to be liked by her. You should feel lucky if Emmy calls you her friend. But there’s this even tinier circle of people who Em actually loves, and if you’re in that one you can call yourself a blessed cunt. If you’re in that very closed circle you know exactly what I’m talking about, and you also know that there’s absolutely nothing that woman won’t do to protect the people she loves.

When I tell you that, what I really mean is she will become lethal. If you mess with the people who she loves, Em turns into a different person who will rain destruction on you. I always say that she turns into Mama Badger, and she calls me a silly and kisses my nose, but it’s true. It’s very rare and I’ve seen it a few times since I met her, but the worst was the last time she publicly turned into Mama Badger. Why?

Because she gets mad when you mess with anyone in that very small circle of people she loves. But guess what happens when someone messes with and publicly betrays the one she loves the most in the world?

[livwritesstuff]

hahahha character details from the series that exist in my head but not on paper yet (or do exist on paper i just don’t think i’ve mentioned it enough oop)

steve wears glasses

and in general just figured out his style while he was in college

he already knew he liked colorful shit, but over time he figured out different fabrics and textures and then learned how to mix and match everything to make really nice cohesive outfits

his style is p similar to robins which drives her crazy

steve listens to NPR and is stupid good at Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me. robin continues to think he’s the lamest person on the planet and cannot believe he was ever the most popular guy in their high school

eddie has facial hair - i think it gets mentioned like 1.5 times but that was a struggle bc i really can’t figure out how to describe it in ways that doesn’t make me want to barf

for clarity, i am a lesbian :)

steve dated a bi girl in college who whipped his ass entirely into shape - not that a straight girl couldn’t have done it, but steve had never met someone before who was so unapologetic about not living within the confines of gender roles. she was the first person he dated who was really adamant about checking in with him and making sure he was alright emotionally and refused to let him fall victim to typical gender-based dating scripts

they broke up bc their personalities clash a little too much, but they stayed friends for a while and robin was so jealous (and a little salty that she never seemed even a little into her)

nancy crochets - it’s pretty much her main hobby and has been for a long time. she taught el how to do it and has been trying to teach eddie for ages

he refuses because he’s fairly positive it would end their friendship

steve is a lego guy :)))) whenever he has extra money he’s almost always gonna spend it on a lego set

he gets very good at it too - he can power through a ~200-piece set in like thirty minutes and he always asks robin if she wants to help because he loves her and wants to spend time with her, but it only took one set for her to realize that he is annoying as hell about it and goes way faster than her and gets fidgety waiting for her to finish her section so she never says yes again

back in the mid-eighties, the boys (will, mike, dustin, and lucas) were obsessed with robin

not in a crush type of way

they just genuinely thought she was the coolest person on the planet

el and lucas bake together all the time

steve thinks they’re pretty good and wishes they’d use lucas’s business degree to open a bakery even though he knows they wont

ever since robin and steve had their own place together, eddie has gifted them a stupid novelty calender every year around the holidays

robin is p much the definition of a maximalist and it 100% shows in her and steves apartment

he kinda just lets her do whatever bc he doesn’t care as long as he’s not tripping over shit, but she’s always adding art and photos to the walls and buying little cups and mugs and trinkets and dragging in weird furniture she found on the street up to the fourth floor walk-up

[justsomeoneintoomanyfandoms]

Hello !! I’d love to request a matchup for mha, pjo, & haikyuu <3

- I use any pronouns & identify as genderqueer

- I am polyamorous, queer, and on the aromantic spectrum. I don’t really experience romantic attraction but I’d be with someone of any gender. For me, I’m just happy being close to those I love whether it’s in a romantic or platonic context. I also enjoy typically romantic stuff like dates and all that :^)

- I am a Gemini & INFP (I think ?)

- I am 5’10, pale, lanky & built like a cereal box. I have freckles and dark circles under my eyes. My hair & eyes are both dark brown, my hair being streaked with white and usually kept down & cut sort of in a shag around my shoulders. I also have a nose that’s kinda big with a bump. I’m almost always wearing glasses & have a wardrobe of long flowy skirts, cute grandma sweaters, graphic t shirts, & fun socks.

- I’ve been told that at first glance I’m a very shy and closed off person, sometimes coming off as cold & like I hate everyone. I’m naturally awkward & socially anxious whenever I’m around people I don’t know well which makes me clam up and rarely speak unless spoken too in which case I’m still soft spoken. It can take a while for me to open up but over time I become a lot more talkative & outgoing around my loved ones. My personality is usually described as dorky, very kind to a fault, a little awkward, and a daydreamer. I would describe myself as very emotional, I’m a huge crybaby, a huge dork, introverted, friendly, and very giggly 24/7. I make a lot of bad dad jokes/puns & will laugh at basically anything. I love rambling about my interests & am very enthusiastic about it.

- I love reading & writing, I have my own worlds that I’ve created in my head and would love to share with anyone who’ll listen. I like reading fantasy & mythology, specifically Alaskan myths because I’m Alaskan. I play peaceful games like stardew valley & animal crossing. I also like sweet things, dnd, music, & animation.

- I dislike big social events & loud music because it overwhelms me. I also don’t like school since it does not work well with my anxiety, ADHD, and (probably) autism. Too much social interaction can tire me out and cause me to shut down & stop speaking until I can recharge.

- My hobbies include writing, drawing, skateboarding, jigsaw puzzles, & crochet.

- My love language is gift giving & time spent together !! I give my loved ones things I’ve made for them like stuffed animals, bracelets, or other art & will buy them snacks or something that reminded me of them. I like spending time with my loved whether we’re talking or just existing in comfortable silence.

I think I included everything I want to !! Thank you very much in advance <3 👾

Hi Anon! Thank you for your request! I hope you like your matchups!

In My Hero Academia, I match you with...

You and Shoto are like the cold-at-first-glance-but-actually-really-nice couple of UA!

You're one of very few people who has heard Shoto genuinely laugh. I see him as someone who loves dad jokes so please tell them to him! He's going to have the best time.

Enjoys listening to you rant about your interests. He doesn't really say a whole lot but be rest assured he's listening attentively.

Similarly, he'd love listening to you talk about your fantasy worlds. He thinks you're very clever to be able to come up with such amazing things.

Shoto also doesn't particularly like loud noises or places so he'll help you avoid them if at all possible. He can't do much about the rest of 1A though. There's no one who can make them quiet down.

Please teach him how to crochet! He'd love to have those sort of skills and has been meaning to try knitting for ages so he'd also love crocheting.

Quality time is also Shoto's love language, so you'll be spending a lot of time together in comfortable silence. Whether you're reading, crocheting, or doing a puzzle together, he just loves your company.

In Percy Jackson, I match you with...

The main man himself! Percy is the most supportive partner you could ever hope for.

Loves skating with you! Percy Jackson is definitely someone who knows some cool tricks on a skateboard and he'd love to have staking dates with you.

Definitely wants to train with you. The best way to make sure you can defend yourself, demigod or not, is to see for himself how strong you are.

Always wears the bracelets you've given him. Yes, he knows he's wearing seven bracelets on one arm. So what?

Another one who loves listening to you ramble about your fantasy worlds. He can't believe you can come up with such creative things when you already deal with all of Greek mythology on a near daily basis.

Super respectful of your dislikes. The minute you walk into a noisy environment, he's scanning to see where a quiet spot is and as soon as he sees you starting to shut down, he's gently pulling you over there for a break.

He'll stay there with you as long as you need, wrapping an arm around you and sitting in comfortable silence.

In Haikyuu, I match you with...

Hinata would love to teach you how to play volleyball. But only if you can teach him skateboarding!

Please teach him skateboarding. But make sure he's wearing a helmet and guards on his knees, elbows, hands...basically everywhere.

He's going to fall over a lot until he gets the hang of it (and still a fair bit after than as well) but he's loving every minute of it.

Keeps everything you've ever given him. Whether he's wearing your bracelets or hanging a crocheted keychain from his volleyball bag, Hinata likes the little reminders of you.

Loves listening to you ramble. And loves rambling to you as well. No one else can get a word in sideways when you're both in the zone.

He can be pretty loud but he'll always try to be more mindful when you're around. He's told you a few times that if he's being too loud, just hit him (or get Kageyama to do it).

Hinata would enjoy relaxing with you after a full day of volleyball. He may have almost inexhaustible reserves of energy but even he needs a break sometimes. Those are the moments when he just wants to relax with you in comfortable silence.

[chickensjourney]

It’s time to take some control back in my life.

It’s time to make something of my self.

It’s time to achieve the dreams I’ve dreamt for the past 4 years.

I find myself lying in bed, it’s 11:01pm, one of my cats has abandoned me because I’m annoying her with my typing, the other sit hasn’t come to bed tho I can hear one of them munching on some biscuits left in their bowl before I fill it again tomorrow. I have $17 to my name and only myself to blame.

It turns out going to your first art class as a baby artist lights a fire under your butt. 10/10 I highly recommend.

And who am I? Hi there, I’m Annie-Rose, I’m 30, never been in a relationship, is owned by two cats I named after quidditch balls, and live in a modern apartment that I’m painting to feel like nature has come inside. I also overuse certain emojis (💛🍓🍄🐞🌻) and love Harry Potter and the magic that it holds.

Some simple goals I have: learn to sew and make some hobbit clothes that I can wear all the time. Paint three murals (ones started but is taking me almost 2 years to finish). Learn to crochet at least a head wrap for my sister out of late grandmothers yarn. GET A JOB so I can start to replace my furniture with ✨aesthetic✨ stuff.

I’ve plotted out everything I want to do in my home as it’s my passion. I want to bake and cook and do a puzzle a week (I joined a puzzle club and have done a few over the last couple months so at least the dream has started). I just feel so lost but I need to get over myself because EVERYONE needs to work. And.., oh, my baby girl has come back. She’s sitting on my chest purring. I love this.

This blog had three posts, all from 2022. But I need a fresh start. A new beginning. Tomorrow I’ll apply for some jobs and hopefully win chess with my dad after Pilates and then maybe come home and make something. It’d be nice to plot the murals in the back rooms. Also maybe put up the privacy stuff I want to try out in the bedroom. And clean out the house of rubbish and recycling.

I don’t really know what else to write that could give you a better insight into my world. If you happen to find this, hi. If it’s me reading this in a couple of years, PLEASE ACHIEVE THESE DREAMS FOR YOUNGER YOU.

🍄

[biaswreckme]

my euphoria | jjk

Pairing: Jungkook/Reader (established relationship)

Member: Jungkook, the other boys are just mentioned briefly in the beginning.

Length: 4170 words

Genre: smut

Triggers/Warnings: smut, soft bdsm, sub!jk, dom!reader, a bit of noona kink, praise kink, oral sex (f and m giving and receiving), edging, crying, safe, sane, and consensual sex, aftercare

Summary: Jungkook texts you a picture of him all ready for performance on the Golden Disc Awards. And there’s just something about that belt...

The moment Jungkook sends you a mirror selfie you know you are doomed. You know – and he probably knows too and did it on purpose – that he is doomed. Praise his stylist for the outfit chosen for this show. Whoever that was, they deserve a raise, a promotion, anything to compensate for their choice. You look at the picture and the look he is giving you, his blond hair falling into his eyes and… Is that a... harness? You start having some ideas, but you take a deep breath and text him back, saying keep the belt for later. You can imagine his reaction upon receiving the text, his doe eyes opening in slight surprise and anticipation as he guesses what is on your mind for later. You know how he can get, how his imagination can run sometimes, so you send him a follow-up text, focus on the performance, jk. saranghae. You send all of the boys a text, wishing good luck and especially a good return to Yoongi, you know how much he’s been waiting for this and it warms your heart to see them reunited again.

But there will be time for feelings and softness for the boys later. Now, you need to get ready for what is to come with Jungkook, you need to prepare and ensure nothing is going to go wrong. The first thing you do is get everything set up in the bedroom and have all necessities in handy; you put a tray with a small bucket filled with ice and a couple of water bottles and some of Jungkook’s favorite snacks on the dresser; you get the comfort blanket ready by the bed, the one that you spent weeks crocheting but was your personal project during the beginning of quarantine; you leave the remote control on the bedside table, ready to press and choose a comedy series you’ve both watched a thousand times to leave it on as you cuddle afterward. You then set up the bathroom, getting some unscented tea candles ready to be lit up for some soft lightning; you leave his towel and bathrobe on the hanger by the shower door, ready to use.

Next, you go to your closet, trying to decide what you’re going to wear tonight. You don’t want anything too elaborate that will take away the attention from the real piece that will be on the spotlight, so you choose a simple black lace lingerie set and the silk robe Jungkook gave you a while ago, also in black, that you like to use on certain occasions. It would be a while before they were finished, so you try to get some work done but you’re on the edge of your seat, your mind running wild with the possible scenarios and you end up writing down some ideas for another day to discuss later with him, see what he will be willing to experiment so you can plan ahead and buy whatever is necessary. There is one particular idea that you still haven’t been able to discuss with him, and even though you sense he will want to try out and will probably enjoy if you take your time, you don’t want to spring it into him tonight, no matter how perfect that harness would be for it.

And then he finally texts you, telling you they’re finished and he will be coming home soon, you jump into the shower and get ready. You forego the perfume, not wanting to mess with his sensitivity to scents tonight, and as you put on the chosen garments your mind starts getting into the mood. You know he will shower before coming home – only to become sweaty again later on – so you just send him a text informing him you’ll be waiting in the bedroom, and to text you when he’s arriving so you can give him further instructions. He answers with a yes, noona, nothing out of the ordinary, but it’s almost as if you can feel his breath falter for a brief second while writing that text. And it’s not long before you receive the message, telling you he’s just outside your door. You text him, get in, lock the door. take off your shirt, shoes, and socks, and put on that belt. i’m waiting, jk. You can hear the beeping of the password, the shuffling of feet and a bag being put on the floor and opened, the noise of buckles, the sound of shoes being put away, almost thrown in a rush. He doesn’t ask for you as he usually does when he gets home, he knows you’ve heard him and are waiting where you said you would be.

The door to the bedroom is open, and you have a perfect view of it sitting on the armchair by the window. Your legs are crossed, hands on the armrests, and then you see him. He walks slowly towards the door and enters the room. He widens his eyes upon seeing you, and you could say you have the same reaction upon seeing him, as he has followed your instructions perfectly. The curtains are closed, the lights dimmed just a bit to take off the harshness because tonight you want to keep looking at him. His torso is bare, and you let your eyes slowly roam his body, wanting to appreciate the view the most. You like to look. And he likes when you look at him like that, with attention, care, lust. You start by looking into his eyes, sustaining his stare for a moment, and you lick your lips as you divert your gaze, noticing how his hair is not completely dry yet as he probably didn’t have the patience to fully blow dry it before leaving. His blond hair. You still remember when he showed up like that and you still have the same reaction. He looks good. He is still wearing his earrings and his tattooed fingers put his hair behind his ear, and you know he does this when he’s starting to feel shy under your gaze. Good. You want him at your mercy.

You start to look down, his chest, his pecs becoming more muscular each passing day, his strong arms, the art inked on his light skin. You can see him breathing shakily, abs contracting, and his fucking tiny waist seeming even smaller with that harness on. He buckled it just like the picture he sent you earlier, leaving two straps unbuckled and loose falling to the middle of his legs. He is wearing his favored black pants and you can see the front of it is slightly tented, and by the way in which his erection is already wanting your attention, you can tell he is not wearing any underwear. Oh, how naughty of him. You raise your eyebrows at him, a signal for him to speak.

“Hi, noona,” he says, eyes looking down.

“Look at me, Jungkook,” you tell him.

“Yes, noona,” he breathes out and does so.

“Remember your words. Color?” You always begin by reminding him that he is safe, that he can end this at any moment if he needs or wants to.

“Green, noona,” he answers eagerly.

“I can see you followed my instructions. Good boy.”

The moment you say the two words you can see his demeanor shift a little. His eyes open wide, almost innocently, at the praise, and he lets out a breath. There he is.

“Have you been good, Jungkook?” You ask and he nods in affirmation but briefly pauses when you continue. “Or have you been naughty, huh?”

He quickly shakes his head, “I’ve been good, noona…”

“Oh really? So what are you wearing under your pants?”

His eyes open even wider and his mouth opens and closes, no noise coming out.

“Answer me, Jungkook.” You get up from the armchair, going towards him and stopping millimeters away from his body, your hands caressing his arms, down and down, until you reach the top of his pants.

“N-noona, I… I t-t-t-thought…” he stutters a little, and you know you’ve got him.

“I guess you’re just going to have to be extra good for noona tonight, don’t you agree?” He nods eagerly in response and you pull him in for a kiss. “Tell me, Jungkook. How are you going to be good for me?”

“Let me l-l-love, you, noona, please,” he says kissing you again, his arms around your body pressing you against his body. You take his hands and put them in front of your silk robe, and he opens it without any further prompting, taking a step back to look at you.

“Take off your pants,” you tell him, and he does so while looking into your eyes, gently pulling down his black pants, his cock springing free and slapping softly against his stomach. He takes another step back, knowing full well that you like to take a moment to look at him every single time he undresses for the first time. Some days you still can’t believe how lucky you are that he, Jungkook, the golden maknae, wants you in every way possible, that he loves you. And you can see how much he wants you in the way his cock seems almost angry with how much he is hard, the tip already leaking, his breath getting faster with the way you’re just staring at him and not doing anything, and you’re not too far behind, so you tell him “Love me, Jungkook, be a good boy for me and show me how much you want me.”

He doesn’t hesitate and goes for another kiss, harder, deeper, more intense this time, his hands freely roaming your body, squeezing your ass and then your lace-covered boobs. His tongue is insistent against yours, the kiss a little messy with how eager he is to undress you, his hands fumbling with the clasp of your bra before he steadies himself and manages to unclasp it. His kisses start moving down, licking and nibbling on your ear while his arms hug you lower, pressing your body slightly backward so you bend your back and he has better access to your chest while standing up. His latches on your right nipple, giving it a soft suck before licking it, only to suck it again harder, pressing it against his teeth, while his left hand starts caressing your other breast, his fingers pulling and rolling your nipple; he knows you need him to be a little more forceful as you’re not that sensitive in this area, but you know how much he loves your nipples and giving them attention, so he just learned exactly the amount of pressure and biting he needs to do to get you even wetter for him. You tangle your fingers in his hair, tugging on it on a particularly harder bite, moaning out loud, letting him know how good he is being. You can feel the wetness on your panties, so you press your thighs together, giving him the hint of what he needs to do next. He pushes you towards the armchair, making you sit down, and he kneels down, looking up at you from between your legs, his hands going to the sides of your panties, silently asking for permission to take them off. Before you allow him to take them off, you grab him by the hair and press his face against them, and he inhales and presses an open mouth against the outside of the lace.

“You’re so wet, noona…” he whispers against the lace, mouthing at it, tugging lightly and carefully with his teeth.

“This is what happens when you are a good boy, Jungkookie, see?” you say while spreading your legs. “Now keep being a good boy and make me come on your tongue.”

He nods, his brown doe eyes open and with a glisten, in that way that lets you know he’s ready to serve you, to worship you, to love you. He takes a deep breath and kisses the line of your underwear while his hands hook under the straps, pulling it down slowly, his eyes staring into yours until it is off your body and somewhere in the bedroom that neither of you is that bothered to know now. Still looking at you, he caresses your legs from calves to thighs then back down to your knees, pushing them up to lay on the armrests, spreading you open for him. He kisses your inner thighs, one side to the other, not really teasing, more as if he needs to kiss and pay attention to every inch of your body. His mouth slowly inches closer to where you need him the most, and his tattooed fingers come to you in a v to spread you open, exposing your clit. He takes a moment to look at how wet you are, and without saying anything, looks again into your eyes and lowers his mouth to taste you. And at the first contact of his tongue with your dripping core, he closes his eyes, a high-pitched moan leaving his mouth as he opens it to encompass your pussy, his tongue licking a strip upwards and he pauses at your clit, circling it once with his tongue and then sucking it into his mouth, the pressure so soft at first you can barely feel it. He knows better than to use his fingers without your permission, so the hand that isn’t spreading you open goes for your chest, fingers gently caressing your nipples, matching the pressure he’s using on your clit for now.

Slowly his suction increases, motivated by your moans, and as he hollows his cheeks, he presses the tip of his tongue softly on your exposed clit, enhancing your pleasure. He doesn’t rush to get you to your climax, preferring to worship your body, loving your moans, loving the way you’re feeling because of him. He releases the pressure so he can give some attention to every part of your pussy, sucking lightly on your lips, licking you again from bottom to top, his tongue passing over you slowly as his mouth opens wide, and it feels like he’s making love to your core with his mouth; it feels like he’s always hungry for more of you. When you guide his head up to your clit again you notice his hips are making short staccato movements on the air, so handsome with that contrasting harness on his skin and small waist, and you know he’s at the point of no return now and will beg beautifully for you, those wide eyes giving him an air of innocence even though what he is doing to you now is far from innocent. The image of him between your legs, the constant presence of his tongue on your clit now, his tattooed fingers pulling your skin a little up so he can direct his efforts to that one spot a little bit on the underside of it have you approaching your orgasm quicker now, and you let him know so he can do exactly what he is doing now, taking you over that bridge. You’re so close now you can already feel the tingling starting in your abdomen, at the tips of your fingers, and you feel it overtaking your body, your back arching on the chair as you close your fingers on his hair not letting him get away, having him lick you through your orgasm, increasing this indescribable feeling that only he can give you like this. You pull his head away when you start getting too sensitive, and even though you love the overstimulation and how it can get you quickly to another orgasm, you don’t want that tonight. You look at him, open lips glistening wet with you, his hooded eyes semi-open, hands clenching on his thighs.

“Jungkook?” You check in with him.

He takes a brief moment to answer, nodding and saying green, and you lower your body to kiss him, tasting yourself on his mouth, whispering in his ear good boy, made me cum so hard, loving how he gets flustered, ears and top of his cheeks turning a lovely shade of pink. You guide him to the bed, making him sit up against the headboard, his legs splayed open as you sit beside him, one of your legs going over his right one, not letting him close it. You adjust the loose straps of the black harness so they are framing his thighs and cock perfectly, creating a display out of him.

“Show me, Jungkook, show how much you want noona to suck you,” you whisper against his ear again, sitting on his right side, your hand softly playing with his nipples, lightly pinching one and then the other. You keep your mouth close to his ear as you watch as his inked fingers close around his leaking cock, softly licking his lobe, tugging just enough on the earring that he moans and clenches his fingers at the bottom of his erection, holding back the pleasure. “Move your hand, Jungkook. You can go as fast as you want, baby, you were so good, come on, you can use both hands,” you encourage him, watching as his hand starts going up and down, fist closed tight and fast movements. He closes his eyes and lets his head drop down to your side, your left hand caressing his hair while your right continues to tease his nipples. “Do you want to come for noona, baby?”

He nods and moans, his sounds coming a little higher pitched now as his breaths get faster, the other hand caressing his balls, his hips start to come off the mattress, fucking into his hand. As his moaning starts to become shorter breaths and sounds, he opens his mouth to tell you that he’s close, he’s so close,

“I’m… noona, I’m…”

“Stop,” you say as you grip his arm, getting it away from his erection. He whines a long moan, throwing his head back, and even with his eyes closed, you can see a little wetness starting to gather in his lashes, his thighs trembling, his left hand releasing his balls to clench his fist in the air. “Not yet, baby.”

“P-p-p-please, noona, please, p-p-please…” He whines and his lips come into a pout, looking into your eyes, the little wetness in his eyes making them shine prettily.

“One more, ok? Just one more and then you can come,” he pouts even more when you say it, but nods, swallowing and closing his eyes, getting ready for another edge. Another day you’ll make him beg non-stop for you, taking your time to take him so close to his orgasm and then stop, but tonight you don’t feel like teasing him. Well, you don’t feel like teasing him much. You let go of his arm, pushing it towards his cock. “Touch yourself, baby,” you start, but as he goes back to the same fast-paced rhythm, you continue, “a little slower this time.”

He obeys you, moving his fist up and down, tugging on his skin, circling his head with his other hand slowly, moaning in between pouts and little whimpers of please. You feel so tempted to torture him a little more, the sight of Jungkook, so powerful and exuding such strong energy on the stage, so pliant under your command, begging for you, whimpering, hips coming off the mattress, needing you. He makes those needy little noises, head turning to look at you, blond hair falling over his doe eyes, mouth whispering please please please noona so close.

“Be a good boy, stop,” you tell firmly, not taking his hand away this time, letting him control himself enough to do it, and he does so, closing his fists against his thighs and curving his body forward, his torso glistening with sweat and his muscles clenching at his effort. “So good for me, Jungkook, such a good boy,” you say caressing his hair, taking it away from his eyes, kissing away the few tears that escaped his eyes.

You tap his ear three times, your wordless signal, checking in. He nods his head when he feels it and weakly says green. You smile and kiss his lips, moving in between his legs, smiling at him. You barely let him take a breath before lowering your head and licking his erection from bottom to top, starting at his balls and stopping at his engorged and wet head.

“You can come anytime you want now, baby,” you tell him, looking up. “You’ve been so good, Kookie, let go now.”

You don’t wait for his response, diving back in, now engulfing him into your mouth, sucking him down until you feel him hit the back of your throat. You take a deep breath, reminding yourself to breathe through your nose and force your head down more, trying to take all of him in. Your nose finally touches his skin, your lips around the bottom part of his cock, and your mouth feels so full, but you swallow around him, his loud moan exactly the reaction you were wanting. Trying to breathe slowly, you hum, letting him know how much you like doing this for him, how much you like feeling the weight of his cock on your tongue, his velvety skin contrasting with his hardness. He doesn’t need much, having come to the precipice of pleasure twice in such a short time; you bob your head up and down, pausing to lick around his head when you feel his thighs clenching under your hands, so you look up at him and take him back in your mouth, sucking hard when you move your head up and your hand fists what doesn’t fit. You hear a drawn-out noona, almost a high-pitched whine, at the same time his hands touch your hair, not pulling, just tangling his fingers in it, his thighs trembling, his abs clenching as the pleasure overtakes his body and you feel his release in your mouth, swallowing, continuing to suck to get him through it. His head is thrown back, damp hair stuck to his forehead, eyes closed, as a few more tears escape through his lashes. You suck him clean, kissing up his torso until you reach his lips, hugging him against you as you give him a soft kiss.

He lets himself be maneuvered until he is lying down with his head against your neck while you caress his hair and whisper praises into his ear, saying how good he’s been, how proud you are of him, how perfect he is, waiting for his body to stop trembling and the tears to stop. When he starts to calm down, you move to get up and he tightens his arms around you, and you tell him that you’re just going to the dresser, that you’re not going anywhere far. He lets his arms fall, letting you go, and you grab the tray you’d put there earlier. You put it on the bed, getting the water bottles, loosening the cap on one of them. You sit against the headboard, pulling him up with all of your strength just so he is sitting up enough.

“Drink, love,” you say, opening the bottle and pressing it against his lips.

You help him sip down the cold water with one hand while the other takes the other cold bottle to the back of his neck, helping him cool down. You start talking to him again in a low voice, saying how much you love him, how good he is to you, how you still can’t believe he loves you too. You keep repeating this almost like a mantra you don’t know for how long, and slowly he starts recovering his senses, opening his eyes and looking at you.

“Kook? You with me yet, love?”

He smiles, closing his eyes for a brief second before nodding, “Wow,” he starts, his voice cracking a bit. “So intense.” He chuckles. “All because of a belt?” His voice is still low, but you can see he is getting back to himself.

“All because of you, Jungkook,” you tell him, kissing him softly. “Saranghae.”

“Saranghae,” he says on your lips, then lets his forehead rest on your chest again, sighing and hugging you closer.

“Wanna eat something? Or are you ok to shower first?”

“Shower first. I think. I don’t know if my legs work, but too sweaty to stay in bed,” he says laughing softly.

“I’ll help you, come on,” you say, helping him up and out of the bed. “Your fluffy robe is waiting for you and then we can snack while we wait for delivery. Your choice tonight.”

And as you hug under the warm spray of water, letting it wash away the sweat and all worries, exchanging I love yous, you repeat the words again and again, against his skin, promising to love and take care of him.

[whatgaviiformes]

Interview with Fic Writer Meme

Thanks for the tag, @burningcowboyhoagietaco! Splitting off just because the post was getting a bit long. 

1. Your favorite fic that you’ve written (or the one you want to give a shout out to)

Favorite is difficult because it’s like choosing children. I have ones that hold a special place, and other I love for completely different reasons, so for a fic I want to give a shout out to? Let’s do Oak & Ivory today - Privateers AU with some FishTank, Scott playing the cello, and John cooking. Also it’s Virgil’s birthday and he doesn’t remember

Oak and Ivory  FF | Ao3 Summary: [Completed]  It’s a Thursday in the summer of 1776, and the USS Thunderbird is docked in port in New England. For Virgil, it brings him the gift of inspiration, starting with a rare morning off and a warbler…

2. Your favorite fic title that you’ve come up with I’m quite fond of  Firefly’s Glow (FF | Ao3) as far as titles go. It started with a scene of Scott and Gordon catching fireflies in chapter 1, and as I wrote it I started to weave in the major theme that I am continuing to explore in the story (or at least trying)  - basically the same thing said two ways 1) there’s a value to all life no matter how small and 2) even the small can shine bright.  Gordon may be pocket!sized in the fic, but he is still has the same brightness about him. 

3. How do you get inspiration to write?

 I don’t. I can’t force it, and writing needs to be an outlet of creative expression for me or I will burn out. I am pulled in many different directions at the moment, and so writing is actually a struggle. I am still doing my best because then if I feel if I am not posting, I’ll become irrelevant. It’s a constant struggle and I know that latter part is me making it up in my head. At the end of the day, it needs to be fun and not a job. Perfectionist Gavii is still trying to learn this. 

When I do have inspiration, music helps me to build the tone and craft the visuals. The words start to come easier with the right background sounds. Lack of distraction helps, and that is also currently hard to come by in my world. 

4. Your favorite genre/subgenre of fic to write

Angst. Make ‘em cry.

5. Do you have other hobbies? Crochet, Gaming. D&D. 

6. A fun fact about you that a lot of people may not know I don’t eat any seafood because I don’t like the texture or taste. I’ve tried different things a few times as an adult to see if my tastes have changed, but nah. FIsh are friends not food :)

7. Pick one character to self project onto Hmm. It’s probably Virgil if I had to really thing about it, but there are aspects of the Tracys in general that I tend to gravitate towards. Scott, I can identify with his dedication to work and family, his being spread to thin between his many hats, and juggling IR, family, and TI. Anything space-related makes me happy, so John’s solitary joy speaks to me. I am an introvert so I find it incredibly romantic to think of him reading and studying among the stars, and he’s probably the brother that I am most like in my natural state. Alone does not mean lonely. And in comparison, Gordon is everything I think I need in a friend - someone who lives life to its absolute fullest, sees a light in everything, always there for a smile. And it’s why I love to write (and read) when Gordon is thrown at John for all the chaos and underlying support love there is there. Alan is a bit more difficult for me since he is the youngest and I’m definitely past  where I would self-project on to him - but I can identify with his desire to be his own man amidst his brothers’ successes. And that age is hard. I feel for the kid. 

So then Virgil - I can’t paint, I can’t really play music, but I gravitate towards the arts - always have in my studies.  What I love about writing Virgil is that he helps me look at the world differently and makes me challenge my own perceptions. I intentionally take a moment to focus on what I hear and see when I write him, and it creates a different type of imagery that I think has become Virgil’s voice in my head. He feels, and I can sense his emotions the most organically when I write. He’s loyal, steadfast, and comforting. He’s my art heart, and often when I am writing it’s Virgil’s “support” that I can kind of feel helping me out. If that makes sense? So there’s my explanation for why I can’t choose. I pull from different brothers when I need to. This is absolutely the cheesiest, but they are like family to me and I’ll pull from who I need to based on how I am feeling. 

FishTank still makes the world go round though. Those two. *heart eyes*

8. Favorite genre of music

I am going to steal this almost quote from @katblu42 who I will also tag, because it’s really the only answer: the genres I like are my favorite. 

I listen to a lot of music. like A LOT. If going through likes, you’ll jump from Sinatra to Metallica to Beethoven’s 7th to swing to Linkin Park, and back. Musical whiplash aside, I have a lot of playlists for different things and would love to incorporate one day somehow for fic writing. 

9. Your favorite singer/band

Band: I am really into Walk the Moon, fun fact - the first time I heard Shut Up and Dance was live before it was released

Singer: I like my crooners. 

10. How have your experience in fandom been? This time? Amazing, I feel so lucky to be so supported in life and in creativity. 

Tagging Kat, @godsliltippy,  @womble1, and whoever may be interested :)

[pokeasleepingsmaug]

Welcome to the new season of Wessex's Most Eligible Bachelorette!!! You, lucky young lady, are sure to find love among these six suitors! The contestants are: Osferth, Sihtric, Finan, Leofric, Uhtred, and Steapa. Tell us who you eliminate each week, and why. Did they screw up a challenge? Read you all wrong? Cause drama in the house and piss you off?? And of course, who makes it to the end and sweeps you off your feet? Inquiring minds want to know!!

I’ve been thinking about this ask since you sent it haha, it’s so clever and I love the concept. Full disclosure, I’ve never seen the Bachelor or the Bachelorette, so I’m mostly going off of @volvaaslaug‘s amazingly perfect answer for the format. 

Week One

Everyone arrives in the house and we all spend some time getting to know one another. The guys all seem to know each other already, judging by the amount of playful name-calling happening, so now it’s time for me to get to know them. 

Osferth and I head to the library, which I’m totally cool with. We spend some time browsing the stacks together. He takes me to the history and philosophy sections, and wows me with his extensive knowledge on both. Turns out he’s working on his masters in European history. I’m suitably impressed. We spend a couple hours at a table, each reading our own thing and occasionally sharing interesting bits or beautiful sentences. It’s, quite frankly, a lovely time. 

Sihtric takes me to the barn where he boards his horse, and I may or may not love him already because of this. His horse is a beautiful dapple gray gelding, and I spend way too long fussing over him. Once Sihtric finds out I know how to ride, he catches me a little bay mare and we tack up and head out for a trail ride through the woods. He’s quiet, occasionally pointing out birds or little creatures, and it’s amazingly relaxing. When we get back to the barn, I catch him singing quietly to his horse as he gets him ready to go back outside. The boy can’t sing worth a damn, but I’m smiling ear to ear anyway.

Finan takes me to a rock-climbing gym. I’ve never been before and I’m pretty wary of this choice, but he’s a surprisingly good teacher. He explains the basics to me, then hooks me up and tells me to get going. I don't even make it halfway up the wall, and he’s nearly rolling when I fall, but he still manages to catch me. Then it’s his turn, and being humiliated like that is almost worth seeing how he moves; it’s ridiculously hot. I could definitely do without the dick jokes, but overall, it’s a good time. 

Leofric teaches me to fence, sort of. He doesn’t teach me so much as he tosses a protective suit and a foil at me and tells me to figure it out. He kicks my ass within seconds every time, and I’m covered in bruises by the time we’re done. He’s gruff and seriously needs to learn some manners and patience. Not my favorite.

Uhtred takes me to his friend Alfred’s and talks war strategies, fate, and Bebbanburg. He’s smart, and pretty, but I never get a word in edgewise. I certainly know him by the end of that time frame, since he never stops talking. I find myself thinking that maybe he should be the philosophy major, and not Osferth, because he seems constantly on the edge of an existential crisis. 

Steapa takes me to his favorite pub. He’s quiet, the pub is loud, it’s a little awkward, but overall it’s nice. After Uhtred, he’s a breath of fresh air. I don’t know much about him by the end of the night, but he has a nice smile and his hand is warm when it brushes against mine when we say goodbye. 

Leofric doesn’t get a rose. 

Week Two

I get to pick the activity this time, and it probably would have been horseback riding, had Sihtric not stolen my idea. As it is, I’m teaching these boys to knit. 

Osferth picks it up pretty easily. He has really deft hands, and watching him knit is really nice. He listens carefully and follows the instructions exactly, and picks everything up pretty much on the first try. When we’re finished hanging out, he asks if he can take his project with him. By the end of the week, he presents me with a simple scarf. Every single stitch is perfect.

Sihtric knows how to crochet, sort of, so he has an advantage going in. He reveals his mother taught him to crochet when he was a kid, but he hasn’t done it since he was little. We have a heart to heart about his mother and his family, and we’re so busy talking, we don’t actually get any knitting done. It’s the most I’ve seen him talk the whole time we’ve been in the house.

Finan, as it turns out, is both determined and competitive. He asks how Osferth and Sihtric did, and tells me he’ll do better than both of them combined. He struggles and struggles and struggles, but refuses to give up. He hunches over his needles, muttering and cursing to himself, running his fingers through his hair until it stands on edge. At the end of three hours, he proudly presents me with a mass of tangled yarn, with no visible knit stitch in sight. I try very hard not to laugh, and almost succeed. He does not appreciate it. 

Uhtred has zero interest in learning how to knit, which is a real shame. He could probably use a productive outlet for all that pent-up frustration. He’s a pretty decent sport about it, rolling his eyes a minimal amount of times. He’s terrible at following instructions, though, so we mostly just bullshit while he forgets to pretend to care about knitting.

Steapa is a good listener, but his hands are huge, and the yarn seems to just slip through his fingers. He gets frustrated by it, but I assure him it’s no big deal and that he’s doing better than Finan (this gets a laugh out of him), and we have a good time full of shy smiles, quick glances, and the occasional attempt at knitting. 

Uhtred does not get a rose.

Week Three

Competition week. I issue the challenges and crown the winner, and it’s not nearly as chaotic as you would expect. Finan, way overly competitive as usual, wins, but not by much. Sihtric is in second, followed by Steapa, and Osferth in last. 

The date with Finan is okay, until he gets a little too drunk and starts hitting on the waitress and making dick jokes. 

Finan does not get a rose. 

Week Four

I’m left with the three quietest guys, and honestly, it’s nice. This week we’re doing something we’ve both never done before, so this should be fun. 

Osferth takes me to a pottery class at a local art studio. We both laugh a lot when his clay flies off the wheel and all over his shirt, and in the end, we come away with two small cups that were supposed to be matching, but they’re both lopsided in different ways. We stop at a nearby bar and take a shot out of them before heading home, because obviously we need to christen them properly.

Sihtric takes me to a partner yoga class, and it’s honestly amazing. He’s the perfect combination of encouraging and competitive, and the touching is really nice, too. His hands are big and warm and callused and his body is lean and strong, and yeah, I’m definitely flushed from more than just the yoga. If yoga is supposed to be relaxing, this definitely is not, but I am NOT complaining. 

Steapa takes me to a ballet studio. It’s hilarious and terrible for both of us, but at least we’re laughing together. In the end, he picks me up like it’s nothing at all and we do our own definitely-not-ballet that we call ballet, anyway. The teacher isn’t amused, but we are. 

This has been the hardest decision so far, but Osferth doesn’t get a rose. I cry and hug him goodbye. 

Final Week

They each plan a final date, and then I decide.

Sihtric and I return to the stable (FINALLY). We have a long trail ride to a little meadow full of wildflowers, where we stop and have a picnic, complete with a nice bottle of red wine. The sun is almost down by the time we get back to the barn. We get the horses settled for the night, then Sihtric takes my hand and leads me to the hill behind the barn, where we stargaze and he tells me the stories behind the constellations until I fall asleep with my head on his chest. 

Steapa takes me to see my favorite Shakespeare play, A Midsummer Night’s Dream. The performance is wonderful, and I’m thrilled even if we don’t get to talk much. He does the cheesy yawn and throw his arm over my shoulder move, and I roll my eyes, but let him get away with it. 

Steapa does not get a rose.

Sihtric and I begin dating once we leave, but I’m missing Osferth. Sihtric picks up that something is wrong and asks me about it, and I tell him the truth. Turns out, they had a casual thing a couple years back. We call Osferth, and the three of us have a long heart-to-heart, and spend the rest of our days in a happy poly relationship, so really, I’m the winner here.

[ifuckinglovestvincent]

LATIMES: For St. Vincent, life under COVID has meant recording a soul-baring podcast and binging on Stalin

Annie Clark, who performs as St. Vincent, in her home studio: “I divide my life into albums.” [Leah Lehrer]

By RANDALL ROBERTS

STAFF WRITER

AUG. 26, 2020 2:15 PM

During a recent conversation, Annie Clark, the Grammy-winning musician who performs as St. Vincent, confessed that she had, quite literally, nothing else scheduled for the day. She had awakened, she explained, knowing that her only obligation would occur at precisely 2 p.m.

“The crazy thing is, because there’s nothing to divide a day, having anything on the calendar to do feels almost overwhelming,” she said. “Like, what am I going to do now that I have this one 20-minute thing that must happen at this specific time? It’s very strange. It’ll be interesting to go back, in some way, to all the spinning plates.”

On Monday, Clark’s new audio project, “St. Vincent: Words + Music,” premieres on Audible, the online audiobook and podcast platform. A 90-minute first-person deep dive into her life and music, the program is interspersed with revelatory new versions of some of St. Vincent’s most popular songs. She offers a fresh rendition of 2007’s “Marry Me,” for example, that highlights dizzying string arrangements absent from the original version.

For St. Vincent obsessives, these versions are essential listens, as are her recollections on her early years as part of the Texas music collective the Polyphonic Spree and her decision to embark on a solo career under a pseudonym. For passing fans, Clark’s conversational way of speaking about the evolution of her work across six studio albums (including “Love This Giant,” her 2012 collaboration with David Byrne) provides a glimpse into her creative methods. An artist whose work has evolved from guitar-driven indie rock to increasingly experimental work filled with electronics and vocal effects, St. Vincent’s music has at this point transcended genre.

The project is part of Audible’s “Words + Music” series, which includes “Patti Smith at the Minetta Lane,” James Taylor’s “Break Shot,” Common’s “Bluebird Memories: A Journey Through Lyrics & Life” and Rufus Wainwright’s “Road Trip Elegies: Montreal to New York.”

Clark, 37, recently spoke to The Times from her home in Los Angeles.

“I have this theory,” says St. Vincent, “that people who are creative for a living were really dumbstruck, creatively, by the pandemic.” [Leah Lehrer]

How much podcast and audiobook listening do you typically do?

I’m obsessed with podcasts and audiobooks. I probably listen to more audiobooks than I do music. I mean, I certainly listen to music — for enjoyment, for research, for just making sure I know what is happening. Luckily, maybe because I’m a musician, I can retain a lot of information that comes through on the auditory side. I mean, I’ve really been brushing up on my Stalin.

You’ve brushed up on your Stalin?

It makes me feel much better about where we are today. Because they had it bad.

It’s pretty bad now.

It’s really bad now. But it was worse. I’ll go ahead and say it was worse in Stalin’s Russia. So there we are. That makes me feel bright and sunny. I’ve been on a real saucy Gulag Stalin kick for the past many months. Cold war, espionage — all of it.

You want to recommend any specific podcasts or books?

Oh God, we shouldn’t be talking about Stalin. This is already a disaster. I haven’t done this in a minute, you know what I mean? I don’t have my talking points all figured out.

I hope this isn’t a disaster.

No, but if we lead with Stalin, it’s not going to go well for me. Let’s talk about this Audible thing, because it was a lovely experience. It was fun to take old songs and reinvent them. There’s a version of “Digital Witness” on this that’s really funky and I love it. I’m glad they gave me a reason to look at my back catalog and reinvent some old songs.

Did you enjoy the process of recalling where you were in your life during various points?

I did. I divide my life into albums, instead of the other markers of time that most people have. I can go, “Oh, I was in the middle of this tour, and this is what was going on in my life and this is what I was writing about as a result.” That part of it was kind of an archaeological dig.

You reveal a few experiences in the program about your family and private life. I didn’t know, for example, about your father’s white-collar crimes, which landed him in prison in the early ’00s. Did you have any hesitation about engaging with parts of your life that aren’t related to your music?

I would have a long time ago, and I certainly did while it was all going on. I’ve always wanted people to enjoy and take in my music for what the music was. I don’t want it to be like a piece of art on the wall that needs an explanation in order to enjoy it. I want it to be enjoyed and interpreted on its own merit. I don’t think that it makes art more valid because it came from really horrible circumstances. I don’t necessarily want to mythologize something that’s actually quite normal. Things happen. And the crazy thing is to expect otherwise.

I think that in the past I felt way more protective of my family and my privacy because he was still in there. But since then, he’s been released, and we have a great relationship. It’s been a wonderful story of reconciliation, change, forgiveness, all those things. That’s why I feel fine about throwing it out there, because frankly, it had the happiest possible ending.

Another story you share is about being groped during a performance while you were stage-diving, and reacting by hitting the fan with your microphone. Have you stopped stage-diving since that happened?

Yes, stage-diving in that particular way. During the “Strange Mercy” tour, I was straight up hurling myself into the crowd and getting some pretty sick dives in. But then during the “St. Vincent” tour, I was definitely going into the crowd but more like jumping on the backs of security guards and running through that way. I still love the fan interaction. It’s not necessarily the end of my stage-diving days.

A lot of creative people I know are having a hard time with their muse right now. How are you doing with that?

I’m doing OK. It’s been a really productive time, but in a different way. I have this theory that people who are creative for a living were dumbstruck, creatively, by the pandemic, because we all need an element of chaos in our day to be able to grab inspiration. I know that’s a cheesy word, but we need to be able to be walking down the street, see that strange thing that somebody did and think about it, metabolize it and write about it.

People who are creative for a living have had a very hard time being creative during the pandemic. But a lot of people who aren’t necessarily creative for a living are like, “It’s a great time. I’ve finally learned how to knit and I finally wrote that short story that I‘d been meaning to do.” My informal poll of my fellow writers is that they’re banging their heads against the wall. But other people learned how to crochet or how to play “Sweet Home Alabama,” and that’s awesome.

Have you considered how you might present yourself as a performer going forward if, because of the coronavirus, the concert experience evolves into something unrecognizable?

I think about it every day. I wouldn’t imagine that things will ever be exactly back to normal, in terms of live touring. There’s a whole lot of other ways to get creative about how to reach people. And not just how to reach people but have the actual intimacy and energetic exchange of a show. The need for that kind of communion isn’t going to go away. I don’t think that’ll ever go away. It’s going to change, and it’s changed many times over the course of history. But yes, I think about it every day.

I think things that people love, they’re going to love even more, and they aren’t going to fall for things that they don’t love. Everything’s been put into sharp focus. Everybody’s figured out, more and more, what they actually need and what they don’t in these crazy times. I certainly don’t mean to minimize the actual human condition on the ground. But I think it’s going to be an exciting time for art. And that’s a silver lining.

[cursebreaker-lilith]

I only posted her original profile in September, but I’ve changed some stuff and wanted to do a new drawing. Lili was pretty new to me then, and I’ve found her voice a lot more since so it only felt right to have a do over on her profile.

This is all up to the beginning of year 6.

EDIT: Some formatting changes made 5-12-21

BASICS

Name: Lilith Silvia Vesta Brooks

Nicknames: Lili, Pipsqueak, Pip

Name Meaning: Lilith references a figure from Jewish folklore, Silvia comes from her grandmother’s name and references a figure from Roman mythology, Vesta was also chosen by her grandmother and references the Roman goddess of the hearth.

Gender: Cis Female 

Pronouns: She/Her

Age: 16 (Variable depending on what year I’m writing about)

Birthday: October 19th, 1972

Zodiac: Libra

Blood Status: Half-blood

Ethnicity/Nationality: White Brit

Sexuality: Self identifies primarily with queer but is okay with being called bisexual. Is also probably on both the asexual and aromantic spectrum, but the words for them hadn’t been coined in her time period. 

Appearance

Body:

Height: 165cm / 5′5

Build: Average to stocky, hourglass shape

Eyes: A bright yellow-green, noticeably a bit big and round.

Hair: Pale blonde hair that is very thin and fine. She likes doing it up in different ways, from ponytails, to pigtails, to braids. Right before starting her 6th year, she cut her hair short and permed it on an impulse encouraged by her Muggle friends.

Skin: Pale skin that burns easily but quickly fades into a tan

Misc: Small and usually unnoticeable scars scattered across her hands and face from ice in the Ice Vault that will fade wholly with time (most already have by 6th year). Pierced ears--one in each lobe as a teenager but adds more as an adult.

Material Items:

Clothing: As a young child, she tried to keep up with mainstream Muggle fashion. She preferred lots of bright colors, stripes, gaudy jewelry, and scrunchies. Dear lord she loves scrunchies. As she got older however, she began to phase out of the bright colors and mainstream fashion into something which would soon be called grunge. Not completely grunge however as she still loves her statement earrings and scrunchies. Usually wears baggy/non form fitting clothing.

Accessories: Almost always wearing some sort of dangly and obnoxious statement earrings. Always has at least three scrunchies on her person.

In her school bag: Her wand, at least five scrunchies, school books and papers, books Rowan wants her to read, an old crochet penguin for good luck (her first attempt at crochet animals), crochet hooks and yarn, journal and papers related to Cursed Vault plans, at least three cool looking rocks she found on the ground.

Reference:

Face Claim: N/A

Voice Claim: N/A

Personality

Traits:

+  loyal, friendly, extroverted, responsible, mature, kind, adaptable, quick learner, resourceful, hopeful, courageous

+/— determined, good liar, intense, clever, intelligent, independent

— obsessive, untrusting, secretive, forceful, quick temper, angry, abrasive, single minded, rule breaker, rude, spiteful

Description:

Lili has a lot of pent up anger and a quick temper. She’s angry at her family, at authority, at the world. She’s not good at processing this anger and thus tends to lash out at people very often and often very cruelly and violently. She knows this and tries to keep in check but isn’t very good at doing so even as she ages. Because of her anger, she also tends to keep grudges for quite a while, even for stupid or petty reasons and is slow to admit she’s wrong.

In a better world, she would be known for her friendliness. Lili can be very friendly and relaxed. She talks first and makes a judgement second, trying to be as open minded as possible. She’s very casual yet polite and likes people being the same back to her.

Lili is determined in a way that tends towards the negative. Her laser focus on things tend to quickly become obsessions if someone she trusts doesn’t intervene quickly enough.

After her mother stopped being a parent towards her at a young age, Lili learned to take care of herself quickly. She’s become clever and resourceful in her steps to becoming independent. It’s left her mature and responsible for her age, but also untrusting and secretive, convinced she can do it on her own (or with Rowan only).

Lili is very loyal to those that earn her loyalty. For those she cares about, she would do anything. If you do something to lose that loyalty, expect harsh treatment after if Lili even deigns to speak to you. She’s not afraid of cutting people out of her life if they betray or anger her.

Other:

Likes: crafts (crochet, knitting, sewing), Rowan and Barnaby, scrunchies, dangly earrings, being busy, collecting things, fashion

Dislikes: Merula and Ismelda, Rakepick, Snape, most other Slytherins, people who get in her way, Dumbledore, Doctor Who after the 5th Doctor, not getting enough sleep, flying class

MBTI: ESTP

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

Hogwarts

Hogwarts House: Slytherin

OWL Classes:

Astronomy: 6/10 (E)

Charms: 9/10 (O)

DADA: 9/10 (O)

Flying: 2/10 (A)

Herbology: 3/10 (A)

History of Magic: 2/10 (A)

Potions: 4/10 (A)

Transfiguration: 7/10 (E)

OWL Electives:

Ancient Runes:  9/10 (O)

Arithmancy:  6/10 (O)

Care of Magical Creatures:  6/10 (O)

NEWT Classes:

Ancient Runes: 9/10 (O)

Arithmancy: 6/10 (E)

Charms: 9/10 (O)

DADA: 9/10 (O)

Transfiguration: 7/10 (E)

Extracurriculars:

Clubs: Dueling Club (3rd-4th year), Fencing Club (2nd-5th year), Transfiguration Club (occasionally from 2nd year on)

Quidditch: N/A

Prefect or Head Boy/Girl: N/A

Best Classes:

Charms It’s the one class she’s very naturally talented at. She never needs to study much, but she barely has to try with Charms. Someday she’ll beat Ben and be the best in their year at the class.

Defense Against the Dark Arts She’s not good at this because of any professor, she’s good at this because of her excursions into the Cursed Vaults giving her practical knowledge.

Worst Classes:

Flying Listen, if people were meant to fly, then they’d have wings, or a spell letting people properly fly would be created by now. Lili will be staying on the ground, thank you very much.

Herbology She’s lived in the city her whole life and being around so many plants is strange. She doesn’t hate the class, but she does use it to catch up with her friends rather than study.

Potions She doesn’t have the patience for potions, and that’s even when she doesn’t have Snape refusing to acknowledge her existence.

Favorite Professors:

Flitwick She thinks Flitwick is great. There’s not much more to say. He’s responsible but not smothering, and still thinks well of her brother. If she ever had to pick an adult to trust, it would be Flitwick.

Kettleburn She had taken Care of Magical Creatures because Rowan had wanted a third elective and Lili didn’t want to take Muggle Studies or Divination. However, she ended up loving the class and thinks Kettleburn is hilarious. She honestly wished she could take the class NEWT level, but her schedule was already full.

Least Favorite Professors:

Snape She has a very complicated relationship with Snape. He hates her because of her brother (who he did not get along with), because she reminds him of James Potter, and because her nickname, Lili, reminds him of his lost love Lily Evans every time he hears it. Lili, of course, does not know any of this and thinks he just hates her for no reason. Jacob thought he was a Death Eater (he got that from whispers older kids who Jacob knew were definitely Death Eaters), so Lili uses that as justification to not like him.

Rakepick She never trusted her and barely liked her, even before she became a professor. Her opinion didn’t go improve any time in fifth year.

Magic

1st Wand: Blackthorn, unicorn hair, 11 3/4 in, shiny and slightly flexible

“Blackthorn, which is a very unusual wand wood, has the reputation, in my view well-merited, of being best suited to a warrior. This does not necessarily mean that its owner practises the Dark Arts (although it is undeniable that those who do so will enjoy the blackthorn wand’s prodigious power); one finds blackthorn wands among the Aurors as well as among the denizens of Azkaban.”

2nd Wand: Aspen, phoenix feather, 12 in, fairly rigid

“In my experience, aspen wand owners are generally strong-minded and determined, more likely than most to be attracted by quests and new orders; this is a wand for revolutionaries.”

Special Abilities: Natural Legilimens, Occlumency

Boggart

Form: Jacob telling her she’s useless and unwanted and that everything she’s doing is for nothing.

Riddikulus: Has not found anything yet that works

Amortentia

What they smell: the Owlery, Standard Ingredient, and something else, something she can’t figure out

What they smell like to others: Lavender, hot chocolate, campfire smoke

Patronus

Form: A goshawk. Independent and intelligent hunters who focus intently on stalking their prey.

Memory: A childhood memory of going to a fair. Jacob looked after her the entire night, and it’s one of the last times she remembers seeing both of her parents laugh.

What they see in the Mirror of Erised: Herself with her family–Jacob is there and looks like how she remembers him, and her mother and father are holding hands and smiling. As she ages, her mother and father are phased out of the image and replaced by her friends, her new family.

FAMILY

Father: David Brooks

Muggle

b. 1943

Works at an accounting firm.

In theory, he was alright with magic and the wizarding world. In practice, it unnerved him more than he could say. When his children started doing accidental magic, and when Jacob came home from Hogwarts talking about nothing but spells and magic, that was it for David. He filed for divorce in 1980 and hasn’t spoken to his ex-wife or children since. He has since married to a fellow Muggle, treating her children as his own and speaking rarely of his biological children. He doesn’t even know Jacob disappeared.

Mother: Carina Flora Brooks (nee Braddock)

Pureblood

b. 1944

Ravenclaw

Works for a wizarding travel magazine as a photographer, travels around the world frequently

She was perhaps not meant to be a mother, and would have been happier following in her brother’s shoes of travelling the world with no responsibilities. However, her mother was insisting she marry and Carina, in a fit of rebellion, decided to marry a nice Muggle she knew instead of the purebloods her mother had picked out.

Carina was never very good with either of her children, and in particular could never get along with Jacob, resorting to abuse (emotional and physical) to try to get him to behave how she wanted. Despite this, she totally shut down when Jacob disappeared, feeling like a failure. This led to her severely neglecting her daughter to wallow in her own misery day and night. It also led to an irrational hatred of Hogwarts. She refuses to read any letters sent by them and has made several subtle attempts to make Lili miss the Hogwarts Express.

Brother: Jacob Seraphinus Ulysses Brooks

Half-blood

b. March 8th, 1967

Slytherin

Currently missing.

Never able to make friends easily or keep his mouth shut, Jacob always had a hard time fitting in, so he turned to books. He preferred fiction over nonfiction, but one history book’s mention of Cursed Vaults on Hogwarts’ grounds led to a search that would dominate his, and his sister’s, life.

He was an outcast in his house and Hogwarts, besides for a few acquaintances, and instead focused on reaching his goals. He was reckless and brave (the Sorting Hat considered putting him in Gryffindor), but obsessive, secretive, and increasingly dependent on the idea of “the end justifies the means.”

Grandfather: Ambrose Braddock

Pureblood

b. 1903

Ravenclaw

Deceased

Known for being Britain’s first natural Legilimens in a century. The Braddock family is known for being a line of natural Legilimens, but none in the family had had the ability in five generations before Ambrose was born. This ended up leading to an offer of marriage from the Malfoy family who wanted the connection to this rare ability. Later realized his grandson was also a natural Legilimens, but died before he could teach Jacob more than the basics on how to control it and never realized his granddaughter also had the ability.

Died of sickness in 1975 at age 72

Grandmother: Silvia Braddock (nee Malfoy)

Pureblood

b. 1911

Slytherin

Never worked, has always been a housewife

Your typical upper class, conservative grandmother. She may not believe that strongly in pureblood mania anymore, but she still believes in things like “children should be seen, not heard,” and corporal punishment. Was in an arranged marriage to Ambrose and never really grew to love him feeling she was marrying beneath her Malfoy heritage. Fairly reclusive nowadays, only entertaining old friends for brunch and going to the occasional pureblood party.

Uncle: Victor Felinus Braddock

Pureblood wizard

b. 1940

Gryffindor

Has a different job every few months, deosn’t really needs to have one and his work ethic shows that

Considered a fun uncle by his nephew, and an annoyance by his niece. Has a lot of stories, and a slight drinking problem.  While his mother was annoyed at him for having a dalliance with a Muggle-born, she was even more furious that he refused to marry Suzie. Victor didn’t want to be tied down, and left her to raise their two daughters only appearing in their lives every few years.

Cousins: Donna and Caroline Jones

Half-bloods

b. 1960 and 1975

Both Gryffindor

Welsh

Their mother Susan Jones was a Muggle-born Sorted into Gryffindor in the same year as Victor Braddock. The two have had an on again, off again relationship since their Hogwarts years that has resulted in two daughters.

Donna was sorted into Gryffindor in 1971 (meaning she would have been roommates with Lily Evans which is a coincidence I swear) and it’s easy to see why. She’s confident, brash, and blunt. She has many problems with her father and refuses to interact with that side of the family. Works in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement for the Ministry.

Caroline is the opposite of her much older sister and was surprised to find herself in Gryffindor (Sorted there in Lili’s 3rd year). She’s timid and quiet, but with a backbone hidden underneath. She wilts at any negative tones, but is always ready to extend a hand to anyone who has hurt her, even multiple times.

Step family: Sabina Brooks, Ioan and Luca Ciobanu

Muggles

b. 1949, 1975, and 1980

Immigrants from Romania to England

After divorcing Carina, David began dating Sabina shortly after and later married her, acting as a father to her two young children. The four of them live together in London.

Pets:

Alfred An easily frightened black cat that once belonged to Jacob

Doctor Hoot A large barred owl that frequently forgets it’s an owl and not a lapdog

FRIENDS

Best Friends:

Rowan Khanna Her best friend!! She originally befriended Rowan because Rowan reminded her of her muggle friend, but it soon blossomed into a different, much closer relationship. Whenever Rowan is gone, Lili doesn’t really know what to do (”I’m going to cut all the sleeves off my robes.” “Why??” “Rowan left an hour ago and she’s like 85% of my impulse control.”) and Lili would never have made it through any of the Cursed Vaults without her. She probably also would have gotten expelled for brawling and dueling in like second year without Rowan. I’m not joking about that impulse control thing.

Barnaby Lee Lili didn’t like Barnaby at first. Even before he worked for Merula, she thought he was nothing more than a stupid jock and made fun of how Snape would pick on him in Potions. Then she actually talked to him and did a complete 180. “I’ve only known Barnaby for an hour, but if anything happened to him, I would kill everyone in this room and them myself.” She liked how sweet and genuine he was despite his awful upbringing. He’s always there to support her, and she’s really grown to love him for that. He once thought he had a crush on her, but it wasn’t really romantic (”The feeling was friendship but he had never experienced it before.”).

Good Friends:

Bill Weasley He’s like the big brother Jacob should’ve been. She was not thrilled to have a complete stranger helping with the Vaults, but in hindsight she’s so very glad she listened to Rowan. Lili isn’t sure she could have gotten half of what she’s done done without Bill’s help and steadfastness.

Charlie Weasley Their friendship kind of crept up on Lili. Charlie was closer friends with Ben and Barnaby, so while Lili had a passing familiarity with him before the Forest Vault, she wouldn’t have called them friends. She was surprised when she turned out to really enjoy his company when he started helping with the Cursed Vaults.

Chiara Lobosca Chiara was someone Lili tangentially knew due to people confusing them for each other (the hair color; once Chiara hits a growth spurt and Lili doesn’t people stop). Then Lili is forced to partner with Chiara in Herbology in 3rd year, and besides seeing her Herbology grade go up the slightest bit, she finds a friend in Chiara, appreciating the girl’s seemingly infinite kindness.

Friends:

Nymphadora Tonks They get along in classes, but Lili doesn’t trust Tonks with anything serious.

Liz Tuttle The two have many overlapping friends but don’t really hang out with each other.

Badeea Ali She really respects Badeea, but they just don’t have many reasons to be around each other.

Jae Kim Lili thinks he’s hilarious and very smart, but doesn’t trust him as far as she could throw him.

It’s Complicated:

Ben Copper Probably the most complicated relationship here. She befriended him out of pity and continued their friendship because of his skill at Charms. He’s had a crush on her since they were 11 when she stood up for him which no one had ever done before. Then the Red Robed Wizard Reveal tm happened and Lili dropped him and ignored him, though he tried to make it up to her. 6th year only drives a deeper wedge between them as Lili can’t stand his recent behaviour. Ben finally confessing about his love for Lili in 6th year didn’t help mend anything either.

Tulip Karasu After finding out that Tulip had purposefully not told her about Jacob’s room, Lili instantly decided she was an undesirable but necessary ally. Lili does not like Tulip for most of their time at Hogwarts as she’s really pissed that someone would keep her brother’s things from her. Lili will talk to her about the Cursed Vaults, but they do not hang out and Lili does not consider her a friend. This really, really hurts Tulip’s feelings but Lili doesn’t really care. The relationship does get a bit better in 6th year, but it’s never going to be a close one. In a better world without the Vaults, they’d probably get along smashingly as while Lili isn’t a prankster, she has no problem egging them on.

Love Interests:

Penny Haywood Her first, longest, and most confusing crush. She was wary of Penny at first. Popular girls were rarely that 100% nice, but Penny truly was. She also had a nice smile and pretty hair and soft hands…. It took Lili quite a while (like four years and Bill telling her) to figure out it was a crush and then….she did absolutely nothing. She panicked and stopped talking to Penny for a while before sheepishly apologizing when Penny confronted her. They went to the Celestial Ball together, but “as friends.” That did not stop them from having a Moment that Lili interpreted completely wrongly and she assumed Penny didn’t like her romantically. Penny in fact did, and since Lili never reacted to their Moment in the proper way, Penny assumed that Lili wasn’t interested. The two continued having crushes on each other for the rest of their time at Hogwarts and remained close friends after they both graduated.

Talbott Winger Her second, less confusing, crush. Similar to Barnaby, Lili didn’t think much of Talbott at first. He was that one kid who was talented at Transfiguration and she once saw him chatting casually to an owl in the Owlery. He was weird and she ignored him. Then she was paired with him on a class assignment in 3rd year and a friendship bloomed despite Talbott’s protests. It was a casual thing at first, but then Lili helped Talbott find his mom’s necklace, and their talk under the stars about family and the past and future deepened their friendship. Having already figured out she had a crush on Penny by this time, she managed to get the signs that she now also had a crush on Talbott, which made her panic, again. However, since Talbott is even worse with emotions than her, she didn’t do anything drastic like she did with Penny. They went on one date in 6th year but that was going too fast for Talbott and they decided to stay friends until Talbott felt more comfortable being around people. Lili took this….mostly gracefully.

Diego Caplan The two met in the Dueling Club in 4th year. Diego was impressed with Lili’s skill and tried to befriend her and also maybe flirt with her a bit. Lili, who tends to gravitate towards people who are unashamedly themselves, found his over the top flirting hilarious and was instantly endeared to Diego. She really enjoyed being around him, finding his lightheartedness helped her forget some of her troubles with the Cursed Vaults, especially in 5th year. He asked her out on a date, her first one, and she agreed. She enjoyed the date, but 5th year was the peak of her obsession with the Cursed Vaults so she broke it off. They later dated again during 6th year, after Lili’s one date with Talbott.

Dormmates:

Rowan Khanna see above

Desdemona Selwyn An OC. Their entire relationship can be explained with that one text post that’s like “Bitch.” “Blocked.” “Wait unblock me I need to tell you something.” “Unblocked.” “Bitch.”

Vidalia Barrows An OC. Lili has said like two sentences to Vidalia and she plans to keep it that way. Vidalia just eats and sleeps and does whatever Desdemona says to do.

Doesn’t Interact:

Murphy McNully/Skye Parkin/Orion Amari/Erika Rath She’s not involved in Quidditch.

Andre Egwu I just can’t think of a way to work him into the plot lol They would get along somewhat well otherwise.

Enemies:

Merula Snyde Hated each other’s guts for a while. Then Lili gave up her Frog Choir spot and Merula gained a small crush (even if Lili was a total ass about giving it up). While they’ll never be friends, by the time of 5th and 6th year they’ve become reluctant allies similar to Lili and Tulip above. Lili will probably never totally befriend her, but she’s learned to be civil and that’s progress.

Ismelda Murk Lili doesn’t really like Ismelda but she considers her all bark and no bite. Ismelda hates Lili because she thinks Lili and Barnaby are gonna end up dating and is jealous.

Desdemona Selwyn An OC. See above.

Most of Slytherin House Lili has never been shy about being half Muggle and being proud of it, and in a house that still worships Voldemort, that sets her apart. The few that don’t find her being pro-Muggle distasteful don’t want to be exiles in their own dorms and avoid talking to her.

Story

Childhood:

Lili’s childhood was never that great. Her parents fought frequently over her and Jacob’s use of accidental magic, and this eventually caused them to divorce when Lili was 9. Her mother in particular was emotionally and physically abusive but Jacob spared her from the worst of it.

Jacob was always the best part of her childhood. She loved her parents, but Jacob was the person she always looked forward to seeing. When he went to Hogwarts, she was upset for weeks, and when he went missing, she was devastated (especially as he went missing the night of her birthday).

Her mother didn’t take it well. Carina was not particularly close with Jacob, but this obviously big failure of her as a parent hit her hard. She became very emotionally withdrawn from Lili and threw herself into her photography work, leaving the country, and Lili, for weeks at a time.

Lili had to become very independent very quickly after that. That, plus the fact that she didn’t have any non-Muggle friends meant she trusted very few people and lied often. Getting her Hogwarts letter was a relief and a promise of freedom

Hogwarts:

: )

see here: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1467043

Adulthood:

Lili is very distraught after graduation and leaves everyone she knows behind to travel Europe and find herself. She spends several years doing this, helping people and doing odd jobs.

Eventually, she finds that she has a talent for languages, picking up a few easily in her travels, and starts to consider possibly doing something related to language whenever she goes back to Britain.

Miscellaneous

She fuckin loves scrunchies.

Has lived in a Muggle neighbourhood her whole life.

Likes muggle TV. Grew up watching Doctor Who. Not impressed with the 6th Doctor, and glad she was away at Hogwarts during his run. Favorite Doctor is the 4th and she knit herself her own version of his scarf.

Likes collecting things! She loves cool rocks on the sidewalk, tacky tourist souvenirs, and things you find for $1 in a thrift store.

She can knit, crochet and sew. She likes making little crochet animals and giving them to friends (or just keeping them and having a plushy empire around her bed).

Loves having her photo taken and has a whole collection of photos, but hates taking photos. It reminds her of her mother.

One of her Muggle friends got her into fencing. She thought it would be useful to hone her athletic skills with, so she continued doing it when she went back to Hogwarts in the fall.

The type of person who needs to be doing something 24/7. When she doesn’t have anything to focus on, she tends to be all over the place and rather annoying.

Quieter and more complacent as a kid. it was after her family broke apart that the need to be so driven started to become a part of her personality.

Love Like You from Steven Universe is a song for her and Jacob (from Jacob’s POV)

Chameleon by Michela is a song that fits her

Tropes:

Big Brother Worship

Determinator

Family Eye Resemblance

Good is Not Nice

Hair Trigger Temper

Jerk with a Heart of Gold

Parental Neglect

[wintaejk]

Jungkook’s FIC REC | OS 2

I had too many links on the other post. Here is the second part of my Jungkook’s fic rec but with others themes.

Again, all those fictions belong to the amazing authors who wrote them, not me. I want to thank them once more. 

(f) = fluff

(a) = angst

(m) = mature

magical au

— Trick or Treat: Howling for You (F) (M) — by @fortunexkookie​

The way your Little Red Riding Hood costume lured over a fuckboy in a half-assed werewolf costume was a little cliche, but god damn was he beautiful. He promised he had plenty of big things to show you, and you took him up on the offer, not realizing that you might’ve bitten off more than you could chew.

werewolf au | established relationship | +14k

— rottenfolk (M) — by @junqkook​

a look was as hazardous as chemicals, a kiss as perilous as poison; his eyes and lips felt akin to a cure, but he was purely venom.

faerie au | royalty au | +13k

Commentary - If there’s only one one-shot I could recommend you to read of all tumblr, it would probably be this one. For me, it is rare to acheive such a level of mastery in fantasy fictions. Writing is already complicated, but when you have to place the readers in an unknown universe, it is even harder.                         However, the real brilliance of this story is the end. Because the end is supposed to satiate the reader in a way or another, it is supposed to offer what all the reader craved: a sort of closure. But here we all are, waiting for a sequel, because this story will make you want a next episode. And that is the brilliance, because you will surely never forget a story with that kind of power.                         So those are some of the reasons why this fiction is for me a mix of art, smartness and excellence ; and also why you would be missing something huge by not reading it.

— overdrive (M) — by @junqkook​

you thought meeting jungkook was just a coincidence, but the universe didn’t deal in coincidences.

vampire au | soulmate au | enemies to lovers | +13k

— Crescent Bound - Jungkook (F) (M) — by @parkhabits​

A pact bound by the moon. A secret kept only amongst themselves. Each of them experiencing their own cycles of heat.

werewolf au | friends to lovers | +12k

— Room 109 (M) — by @lavishedinjimin​

Having Jungkook as your apartment buddy was a lot to get used to. But with one early day, your heat comes up much stronger than usual, and you were desperate for an alpha’s touch.

werewolf au | roommate au | alpha!jungkook | +6k

— after dark (M) — by @seokoloqy​

Jungkook has served the royal family for generations, seen them live and die countless times. When it comes to you, he can’t watch you wither away too, but your lust for one another makes it harder and harder to stay apart.

vampire au | royalty au | knight!jungkook | +8k

— Life’s Blood (F) (A) (M) — by @littlenoona​

You produce blood cells at an increased rate when blood is lost, effectively, you cannot bleed out. This ability has served you well so far, even gaining you a rare friend, and you’ve made it your source of income, but it also has its downsides, one of which you’ve managed to avoid successfully, until now.

vampire au | +13k

— you come in waves (A) (M) — by @angelguk​

if jeongguk had a choice, he would destroy the sun. it’s not like he needed it for warmth due to his werewolf abilities making him a scorching radiator. it would also help his heart. because you look delectable in that stupid bikini.

werewolf au | friends to lovers au | 4k

— tell me your secrets (i’m all ears) (F) — by @jinpire​

You’re not afraid of Jeon Jeongguk. Even if he’s probably some kind of bear or giant cat shifter, and just a hint of his irritation had your instincts vibrating beneath your skin like a live wire. Your thumb brushed over the plastic dome of mini-Levi’s head, taking comfort in the cartoon scowl and dead eyes, the tiny grey sticks of his 3DM gear. Small could be pretty fucking powerful too.

shifter au | college au | bunny!kook | +6k

drabbles: nooks and naps - foxie moxie (don’t pull my tail) - look before you leap  - fluffles and kerfuffles

— Pomegranate Seeds (M) — by @taetaebaepsae​

Jungkook thinks he’s found the perfect new roommate, but little doesn’t he know you’re just aching to corrupt him.

demon au | roommate au | virgin!jungkook | +4k

other themes

— Every Kind of Way (F) (M) — by @taehyungforreal​

{Three little vignettes, three completely different experiences, same perfectly wonderful boyfriend JK.}

strangers to lovers  | established relationship  | +14k

Commentary - I remember when this fiction was posted. I read the teaser a few days before, and I was waiting for it. I remember the exact date of the release of this story, and let me tell you it never happens to me. But this is how much I liked this story. This masterpiece.                         This fiction is 95% made of smut. This is a warning if you don’t like that. However, what I like about Ashley’s works is that smut is not only smut (okay, sometimes it’s just pure filth but whatever). It’s not the first time I’ve read a piece of work of her and that I’ve been so thankful of reading her. Because the stories she writes are realistic. Sex is not always perfect. Sex is not always like in porn. Sex can be embarrassing. And this is why I love what Ashley writes, because she always have that realistic point of view on life. And sometimes it’s also nice to not turn everything into porn.                          What is very likeable - I said likeable? I meant loveable, sorry - about that story is also the three different stages of the relation of Jk and reader. This is also something I like about her writings. Life evolves, relationships evolve, and so does sex. So in this story, you will experience three different Jungkook. And it’s three reasons why you should read this fiction, three reasons why you will probably love it.                          One thing is sure, this chef-d’oeuvre will leave you wondering if your eyes have been burnt by the smuttiness or blessed by all the talent of this writer.

— tattooed two (ft. kth) (F) (M) — by @httpjeon​

your boyfriend’s best friend joins you for a night you’ll never forget.

tattoo artist au | established relationship  | poly au  | +8k

— Inkling (A) (M) — by @gguksgalaxy​

Jungkook is your brother’s boyfriend’s co-worker, they own a tattoo and piercing parlour. In other words, he’s tall, gorgeous, has his passion literally etched into his skin, looks incredibly good in a man-bun, and is semi-unattainable for you. Why? Well…you’re not entirely sure but him ditching right after a very heated make-out session sure isn’t a good sign. His extremely poor mood the next week sure isn’t either, but the only way to fix it is to face the beast head-on. Right?

tattoo artist au  | +17k

— Freak-quency (M) — by @taehyungforreal​

His eyes sparkle and he fights back a smile when he asks you why. “Is it because I didn’t give you something else to swallow like I said I would,” he questions, halfway through a much less subtle adjustment of his growing erection. Yoongi was right, he wants to be in trouble.

rockstar au  | established relationship  | +8k

— Boots (M) —

3000+ words of Ashley kinking on Jungkook’s boot. That’s it.

rockstar au  | established relationship  | part of Freak-quency  | +3k

— Heartbreaker with a Heart of Gold (A) (M) — by @filmflowersbangtan​

It was around this time almost three years ago when Jungkook moved to LA after his band got signed to a famous record label. He told you that he’d keep in contact with you. That he’d visit as much as he could. That he loved you. But about a month after leaving, he stopped texting and calling as much. And then a mere week after the band’s first EP dropped, Burning Rabbit was a sensation.

rocksatr au | ex lovers  | +3k

— Brother’s best friend (M) — by @lavishedinjimin​

In which Y/n owns a smut blog dedicated to her crush and brother’s best friend, jungkook. it was all fun and games until he finds out about it and acts it out with you.

brother’s best friend!jungkook  | +5k

— Sugarplum Elegy (F) (A) (M) — by @bymoonchild​

You know no bounds nor depth with Jungkook. While your fuck buddy loves sleeping in your bed and doing laundry for you with his favourite fabric softener, you are in love with a mysterious honeyed, velvety voice on Soundcloud. All’s fine, until you find out that the voice that metaphors your heart to a sweet sugarplum melody actually belongs to the boy who has been taking up a special spot in your bed and in your heart, strumming at your heartstrings all this while.

friends with benefits  | college au  | idiots to lovers | +17k

— The Kids Aren’t Alright (F) (A) (M) — by @sketchguk​

Sneaking around with Jeongguk during your Christian retreat is complicated when you’re both dedicated to your jobs as co-youth group counselors at your father’s ministry.

friends with benefits  | pastor’s kid!reader  | +10k

— Gym (F) (M) — by @hobiwonder​

Jungkook has a crush on you and has been watching you work out at his gym. One day you finally confront his obvious crush.

business woman!reader  | fratboy!jungkook  | older reader | +8k

— Gravity Check (M) — by @gimmesumsuga​

The one where Jungkook is your oh-so-handsome climbing instructor.

climbing instructors!jungkook  | strangers to lovers  | 14k

— The Monogamy Monologues (F) (M) — by @kpopfanfictrash​

The year? Some point after college. The occasion? Namjoon is getting married and the Rich Man’s Crochet Club has convened once again. Somewhere between the drinks and the laughter, everyone has the same realization: Jungkook has never been in a serious relationship. In the name of all that is holy (Overwatch and booze), the club’s mission is revived. Now though, their goal is much more perilous. Now, they aim to find Jeon Jungkook a girlfriend. (Part of The Rich Man’s Crochet Club series)

fuckboy!jungkook  | wedding planner!reader  | strangers to lovers  | +42k

— The Virgin Volume (F) (A) (M) —

This fic exists in the RMCC universe. It takes place before RMCC and is the story of how Jungkook lost his virginity. To quote Seokjin/Namjoon: “What Jungkook doesn’t know won’t hurt him and – let’s be honest – his story is hilarious. One pump,” Seokjin laughs, sounding like a hyena. “One pump and he’s done.” // Ducking his head, Namjoon tries not to smile. “It was a rookie mistake,” he protests, defending their friend. “Jungkook was overexcited and couldn’t control himself. He got better.”

college au  | friends to lovers  | prequel to TMM  | +6k

— everlasting (A — by @kimvvantae​

being able to love the same person forever is a blessing given from the heavens. to you, however, eternity has become a curse.

reincarnation au  | 18k

— Performances (M) — by @littlenoona​

The same handsome guy has been appearing at your performances and you become more and more interested in who he is - now you’re dancing only for him, despite a hall full of people.

strangers to lovers  | professional dancer!reader  | +6k

— Matching Hearts (F) (A) — by @gukwluv​

a drunk call to your ex boyfriend leads to a night of fun adventures that make you wonder why you even split in the first place.

exes au | +3k

— locker room talk (M) — by @minnpd​

You end up having a rather heated talk with Jeon Jungkook in the locker room when he announces he has been chosen for the audition you both participated to.

dancer au | enemies to lovers | fuckboy!jungkook | +5k

— not quite lovers (M) — by @junqkook​

hiring jeon jungkook as your personal assistant happens to have more than one perk.

workplace au | friends with benefits | ceo!reader | +15k

— By Its Cover (M) — by @gimmesumsuga​

The one where Jungkook makes a very bad first impression.

workplace au | enemies to lovers | 21k

— Mind in the Gutter (F) (M) — by @kpopfanfictrash​

Starting over is never fun. Especially not when you decide to take the phrase fully to heart; new job, new city, new coworkers and new relationships. When you are dragged to a happy hour by your new co-worker, Taehyung, you end up sitting beside a (very) cute, (very) shy IT worker named Jungkook. Several drinks later, he mentions he is in a professional bowling league with his friends and you rather enthusiastically invite yourself along. As time passes and you begin to grow closer, you still find it impossible to read Jungkook. Working in the same company and seeing each other so often, it is only so long before one of you snaps. But who?

workplace au | bowling au | strangers to friends to lovers | +18k

[sciencespies]

Meet the Western Soil Scientists Using Dirt to Make Stunning Paints

https://sciencespies.com/nature/meet-the-western-soil-scientists-using-dirt-to-make-stunning-paints/

Meet the Western Soil Scientists Using Dirt to Make Stunning Paints

SMITHSONIANMAG.COM | Jan. 26, 2021, 8 a.m.

In September, as wildfire raged in Medicine Bow National Forest, Karen Vaughn watched smoke billow in a choked-off Wyoming sky. The sun was reduced to a matte neon-pink disc behind the haze, and Vaughn worried about her research site in the burning mountains. One of her graduate students still had one more day of fieldwork to complete, and the roads would soon be closed, if they weren’t already. Vaughn’s family—her husband and two kids—were outside too, watching as a light gray layer of wind-blown ash settled onto the landscape. The ash and vivid colors sparked something in Vaughn, who continually sought new inspiration for the paint she makes. She began dashing around, scraping the sediment from every flat surface and encouraging her kids to help collect the fine powder. She decided to incorporate that ash into watercolor pigments with hues reflecting the fire, indelibly preserving the moment. The small batch of paints, distributed to friends and local artists, would be used to create depictions of the destructive forces that allowed their creation in the first place. “You’re breathing that air, even in your house, and you look outside and see that weird orange glow,” says Vaughn. “You couldn’t help but be a part of that.”

A soil scientist and a professor at the University of Wyoming, Vaughn sees a lot more soils than the average person, and certainly knows them more intimately. Over many years spent examining them, she has come to appreciate their natural beauty and immense variability. Two years ago, she began channeling that appreciation into a product she could share with the world, turning the soils she loved into watercolor pigments. Now, she and her collaborator, Yamina Pressler, a soil scientist at California Polytechnic University, use soils to make pigments and paintings, bridging the gap between science and art. By sharing both their creative processes and scientific knowledge on social media and connecting with artists, scientists and the public, they aim to make soil education entertaining.

Vaughn’s research is in pedology, which means she studies minute, subtle changes within a soil. Does the size of the grains change? Do the colors fade into each other or get cut off abruptly? What microorganisms are present at different levels in the soil? The very nature of her field, she says, is subjective. “It is an art form,” she says. “It takes a nuanced eye to really be able to see the changes within a soil.”

Her job requires her to hop in a deep hole, map out tiny changes few people notice and interpret the soil’s history. Her specialty is studying water in soils: How much is there? When is it present? How does it change the soil’s chemistry? What features does it leave behind? Her work helps us understand how soils form in unique environments, like wetlands in the otherwise arid Wyoming mountains, and how fragile soils like permafrost might respond to climate change.

To the uninitiated, the landscape of Wyoming might seem like a monotonous stretch of tan dirt. But that idea is exactly what Vauhgn is trying to change through her art. By explaining to artists and curious laypeople how the myriad hues in soils come to be and sharing them visually through both her own creative works and those by other artists, she hopes to give people the ability to see soil as more than “just dirt.”

Soils, paints and swatches from samples collected throughout Wyoming and Utah allow a glimpse at the belowground natural beauty of the western United States.

(Karen Vaughn)

“Sometimes art opens the door to people wanting to learn about science,” says Laura Guertin, a geology professor at Pennsylvania State—Brandywine. Guertin too has brought art into science, both for her classrooms and her communities, by crocheting temperature records and quilting climate change stories. “Using different perspectives to introduce a topic, like soil, can help people understand and connect with it a little more.”

Soil is often overlooked in basic geology classes, says Guertin, and understanding how it works and where it comes from is important. “Without soil, you don’t have the rest of Earth’s systems,” she says. “It’s such a fundamental material, it’s the basis of our food systems.” And society’s indifference to soil led to the Dust Bowl, one of the greatest environmental disasters in the history of the United States. “With my students, I talk about the Dust Bowl and how it was a loss of soil that triggered a chain reaction, impacting a broad cross-section of society,” says Guertin.

Vaughn began making pigments as a fun way to engage with her kids, now ages 7 and 9, and keep them away from screens. They come soil collecting with her, and occasionally help mix the pigments and paint. But the main reason she makes pigments now is to share her perspective on soils’ inherent beauty with the public. “I found all these amazing soil colors,” Vaughn says, “and I wanted to do something more with them. I wanted them to persist longer.”

She recognized that by making paints she could share science with people who lack her expert training. “Spending all that time as a pedologist looking at soil formation and thinking about how much the colors of the soil can tell us about the natural history of that area, I wanted to let people in, open their eyes a little bit,” she says.

Vaughn collects soils for pigments almost everywhere she goes, from dirt collected in a wetland study site high in the mountains to coal unearthed in her backyard. On a family road trip to Florida in a campervan, for instance, she grabbed a small bag of soil from every stop, with the intent of creating a palette that reflects that memory. One dull pandemic day, she and her kids took to their bikes on a scavenger hunt near her home for as many colors of the rainbow that they could find. It was a change of pace for Vaughn, who is normally more opportunistic than intentional in her soil collecting. She made a palette of red, brown, orange, white, yellow and purple to represent that effort. And, of course, she has the three-hue palette from the September wildfire, corners of which were still smoldering away when we spoke in November.

Because it was just a small batch, Vaughn distributed the ash-infused pigments to local artists and a few select clients to create works reflecting the wildfires. California artist Tina Pressler, Yamina’s mother, painted a patchwork American bison, the West’s once-ubiquitous megafauna, and Bethann Merkle, a Wyoming artist and science communicator, created a series of three abstract paintings of fire-wrought forest textures. The ash-infused pigments felt fluid and heavy, says Tina. “The addition of ash made it seem really tactile, in a way, and I loved it.”

Artist Tina Pressler used pigments made of ancient Wyoming soils and recent ash to paint this bison, which she says “represents a visual amalgamation of flora and fauna over time.”

(Tina Pressler)

“I’ve long had a fondness for rocks—my windowsills are piled up with them at home and at work—but [Vaughn’s] work and pigments have helped me expand that curiosity and appreciation to the soil,” says Merkle.

Before Vaughn began sharing her pigments with artists, she had to spend some time getting the day-long pigment-making process down. It took her a few tries: “My first pigments,” she says with a laugh, “were chunky and terrible. But I gave them away with a disclaimer.”

In the first step of her process, Vaughn removes the sandy portions of the soil, leaving only fine silts and clays mixed in water, which she then pours into a cookie sheet and bakes in the oven for a few hours. After all the water has evaporated, the soil appears cracked and desiccated, like a mudflat after a long summer drought. “Look, mom, it’s all wrinkly like you,” her daughter once helpfully said. Vaughn grinds the baked silt into a fine, homogenous powder. Then comes Vaughn’s most meditative step: mulling, or combining the soil with the watercolor medium— a mixture of water, gum arabic, honey and vegetable glycerin. Only then does she get a sense for what the final hue will be. “You might start with an amazing green soil that, all of a sudden, becomes this dull, greenish white. And that’s okay,” Vaughn says. “It’s always a color I’ve never made before, so I’m thrilled.”

After Vaughn bakes the pigment, cracks appear that reflect patterns seen throughout nature—such as in this ancient orange soil pigment collected in the Red Desert of Wyoming.

(Karen Vaughn)

The colors of the paint come straight from the soil’s geologic past: Bright reds and oranges mean the soils were exposed to the oxidizing effects of intense climates, long stretches of time or both. Dark browns and blacks represent rich organic matter, reflecting the cycle of life and death at the Earth’s surface. Brighter hues result from minerals with specific elements; the presence of copper lends minerals blue-green colors, sulfur creates vibrant yellows and manganese presents as faded purple. Stark whites could mean acid once trickled down through the soil from a pine copse, or that ash once settled over the landscape, like that which Vaughn collected in September.

“Everything has a story,” Guertin says. “What’s been here in the past? Where do these colors come from? Where do these materials come from that give us these colors? I love that [Vaughn is] taking the soil science and showing how you can break it down to materials, to these pigments that have cultural meaning and to painting, which people already have a familiarity with.”

Vaughn describes her soil collecting, her artistic process and the science of each soil on Instagram, where she answers questions about chemistry, location and geology. Sometimes artists send in questions about the science of pigment-making itself, but many are just interested in learning more about the natural world. Depending on how much detail people want, she’ll even send along some scientific papers in a private message. Because so many of her clients are interested in learning about the soils, Vaughn is planning to start including a “soil story” with each palette shipped out.

Vaughn’s connections with artists sometimes grow from the virtual world to working together in person. Diana Baumbach, a Wyoming artist who Vaughn collaborated with a few years ago, loved going into the field with the scientist to forage for natural materials, including soil. “I really hadn’t thought about soil or considered it as a material before,” Baumbach said. “Looking at soil profiles with [Vaughn] was totally new for me. We both pulled each other into our worlds, which I thought were quite different. In the end, it was surprising how many intersections there actually were between my work and her work.”

While Vaughn does paint with her pigments, she doesn’t typically share her work; she leaves that to the younger Pressler, for whom painting has become a public affair. Growing up with an artist mother, Pressler says, meant that art was always in the background. “But it wasn’t until I started painting soils that I began to embody being an artist as part of my identity.”

Created during a soil art live stream on Instagram, this piece by Yamina Pressler is painted on post-card paper as a reminder that the beauty of soils is meant to be shared far and wide.

(Yamina Pressler)

Pressler also connects with an interested audience through social media. She hosts live paint-along sessions in her ‘virtual soil art studio’ on Instagram, inviting participants of all backgrounds to create soil-focused art inspired by where they live. These two-hour public sessions are open to children and adults, scientists and laypeople.

Tatiana Prestininzi, who has a bachelor’s in agricultural science but never cared much for soil science, now brings her young niece and nephew to Pressler’s paint-along sessions. “It’s not only from the artistic side, but we’re also getting the educational side of things,” she says. “It’s not just the 15-to-30-somethings on Instagram, she’s got 7 and 5-year-olds learning about soil profiles… so now I can go hike around San Diego with my eight-year-old niece and have a conversation about the soils she sees. She’ll ask to paint it and send it to the ‘soil doctor.’”

Through Vaughn’s art outreach and Pressler’s educational outreach, the scientists aim to inspire in the public the feelings children have while digging in the dirt and wondering at the world around them. Vaughn’s process of finding soils for pigments has a sense of play that is really infectious, says Baumbach. And while Pressler does draw soils realistically, she’s more drawn to whimsical doodles that reflect her feelings towards soil, which she shares on her Instagram sessions, along with the science stories behind them.

Yamina Pressler’s painting “Mojave Dreaming 28” was inspired by the unexpected winter tones of the Mojave desert.

(Yamina Pressler)

Tapping into her artistic side has helped Vaughn re-imagine what college soil science classes can be. She has her students sketch frequently, and she occasionally has them paint with soils. Her collaboration with Baumbach led the pair to cross-pollinate art and science further, with Baumbach bringing her art students to Vaughn’s science labs to talk about color and Vaughn giving guest lectures in Baumbach’s art materials courses. “Really, basic things like observation and analysis are at the core of what we both do, and we’re communicating through materials and visual forms,” Baumbach says. “The students are just starting to think broadly about materials, so hearing Karen talk about soils as a raw material is really interesting for them.”

In addition to giving talks about soil science and life as a researcher at K-12 schools and museums, Pressler works directly with teachers, taking them into the field and lab so they can get firsthand experience with soils. “They can then go back to their students and talk about soils and ecology, and the process of science, from their perspective,” says Pressler. “It’s more meaningful to the students that way.”

Michelle Bartholomew, a middle- and high-school science teacher, jumped at the chance to head into the field with Pressler in Colorado and Alaska. They developed soil science classes together, did some drawing and studied soils. “That was the highlight of my time with her, working on those tundra soils,” Bartholomew says. “It’s doing science, you know? Even though we’re science teachers, we don’t get to do that. It rejuvenated me… and gave me new ways of teaching old concepts.”

Artist Bethann Merkle, who has worked with scientist Karen Vaughn for two years, used soil pigments created from a burned area to paint scenes of the charred landscape.

(Bethann Merkle)

Pressler and Vaughn also believe in the importance of being role models who break out of the compartmentalization so common in science today. “It’s about showing young people that there are lots of different ways to be a scientist,” Pressler says, “that you can be colorful and explore different parts of your curiosity and still be a scientist.”

“We used to be Renaissance people,” Vaughn says. “Now it’s, ‘You need to stay in your box so you can do well at that.’ I feel like we’ve almost made it okay to be artistic while also being a scientist.”

#Nature

[ohsugarfoot]

"Quiet me" from the drabble prompt, if you want!

((Referencing this tag game here. @indecentpause is the main author of The Most Beautiful Puzzle, which is where these characters are from! I'm sort of the co-creator/editor.

Timeline wise, this happens a few years ago! Also, this was finished, I was just waiting until it felt right to post it so now's a good time I guess.))

((cw: emotional meltdown, self harm(hitting self), bruises))

You whirl around the corner and finally find Josselin coming out of the counselor's office.

"I've been looking all over for you!" you exclaim.

"I've decided to drop out," he says, shifting his bag to move the strap more across his chest. His hands come up to hold the strap, almost as if to shield himself from you. "College isn't for me."

"Is that why you've been avoiding me recently?"

A hush falls over the office. Josselin sighs, shifting his weight between his feet. "Can we talk somewhere privately?"

You end in the next building, sitting side by side outside of a random classroom.

The silence gulfs between you.

Josselin reaches into his bag and takes out a yarn square, threading his fingers through the holes. It isn't a stim toy you've ever seen him use before.

"Talk to me?" you finally half ask, half demand.

He sighs. And the silence continues.

You want to reach out and touch him. You want to hold his hand, to rest your head against his too-bony shoulder. You want to hear his voice, to hear him chatter about anything and everything. You want to banter with him, and play chess, and playfully argue about the best video game made.

You want him to stop avoiding you, most of all.

He brings his knees up to his chest, the square interlocked around both hands, his face mostly covered. "I'm no good at this," he mutters to his jean-clad legs.

You scoot and turn closer, barely able to hear him. He smells of sandalwood and skin, maybe a touch of lavender.

It's comforting, in a quiet way.

"Can you try?" you ask.

Josselin sighs.

"I..." he pauses and shakes his head. His fingers move against the cloth, frantically tapping and squeezing.

When he finally restarts, his voice is soft but steady. He faces forward, back against the wall, talking more to the opposite wall than to you.

"So, my mom was a single mom. And it was just us, until... until it wasn't. And then I got bounced between okay foster homes and awful foster homes until I technically ran away. I've never stayed in the same place for long. And... and I'm telling you this because, well, I don't have a lot of friends. Any friends, really. Most people just tolerate me."

You reach out and gently touch his upper arm. Josselin shrugs it off, and you pull away, your chest hurting for both his words and the rebuttal.

"I'm telling you this," he continues, "because I've noticed that I end up crushing on people who even remotely show me any sort of attention. It's not the first time, it won't be the last. And... and... the feelings do fade after a while. If I stay away from the person. So. That's why I've been avoiding you."

You breathe for the first time in what feels like minutes. "Really? You have a crush on me?"

He draws into himself more. "Please don't make fun of me."

"I would never."

He huffs, shaking his head slightly.

"I promise, I would never."

"No!" His raised voice shocks you, echoing through the hallway. "No promises!"

You swallow, then breathe. Obviously a sensitive subject. "Okay," you say softly. "I won't."

Josselin brings his hands up, still tangled in the cloth, to his head. His wrists thump against his head, a little too hard, and before you can stop yourself, you place a hand over where the strikes seem to land. It doesn't stop his hands, but they do slow slightly. You can feel him shaking, rocking side to side slightly.

"S-sorry," he stammers out. "I-I'm... it's too much. Everything."

"What helps?"

He doesn't answer for a while, rocking and thumping, his head shaking, and you're about to ask again, since you're not even sure if he heard you. Should you even be touching him? Are you making it worse? But he hasn't exactly pushed you away again either. Finally though, Josselin says, "Talking."

"Okay. Okay. Well, I'm good at talking. I can talk your ear off, make you look like Vincent Van Gogh." There's a small delay, but you swear you see the smallest of smiles play over his lips. Taking that as a good sign, even as his hands continue to hit against yours, you continue. "I can do the paintings, you can look the part. We can go to Paris, and drink coffee, and pretend to smoke cigarettes, and wear scarves and berets, you know, like the cool artists do. Well, I'm not so good at painting, but I'm sure we can pretend. You know, me dazzling them with my awful jokes, you distracting them with Zelda facts."

That causes him to huff out the tiniest bit of laughter. You continue. "And then when we are done scamming all of Paris, we can take ourselves to the countryside, and we can build little Hobbit homes, and live off the land for a bit. And when it gets boring, or it gets too cold, we can vacation somewhere else, like, I don't know, Mordor, I guess. We can dip our feet in the lava of Mount Doom like hot springs."

Josselin shakes his head, smiling a bit more. "That makes no sense!"

"No, it doesn't!" You laugh. "We would definitely go to Hyrule instead, and we can scam the villagers there with our artwork. I wonder what the conversion rate is between a franc and a rupee. But anyway-"

"Euro."

"What?"

"France uses euros now."

"Conversion rates between a rupee and an euro then. Because if it's good enough, we can totally make bank, and maybe build a castle somewhere. And we can invite anyone we want. Well, except Browser, unless he prom... Uh, says he won't wreck the castle."

And so you continue to weave together a small story, pulling together every video game and pop culture reference you could think of. Josselin's hands continue to thump against yours, but not as hard, not as fast, his breathing slowing down to a more normal pattern, his shaking subsiding to more of a gentle rocking motion. Anything Zelda related is a hit, and most Nintendo games, but not any other console. Forget about any current tv shows or movies, he has no idea about those. And you don't remember anything other than a name or two from the few anime he's shown you from the last few weeks.

But your words, the silly stories of you vacationing and scamming people across the worlds, they seem to help. And he continues to respond to you, occasionally correcting your pronunciation or a wrong detail. You even get him laughing sometimes, and you laugh with him.

Eventually, slowly, Josselin calms down, his fingers still through what you now recognize as a crocheted granny square, and now they're interlocked over yours on the top of his head.

And you could sit there forever, talking with him, but the linoleum floor is unyielding under you, and your leg has fallen asleep over the last twenty minutes or so. So you shift slightly, and the spell breaks.

"Sorry," he says, taking his hands off yours, his arms dropping to his lap, his legs straightening. You curl back into yourself, shifting away so your back is against the cold wall.

And again you're sitting side by side outside of the classroom.

"Thank you." His toes are tapping together, the repetitive sounds echoing down down the hallway, folding over themselves. "You... that helped. Thank you."

"Any time," you say, meaning it with every fiber of your being.

He sighs in response. And then softly, "Frankie?"

"Yeah?"

"I noticed that you... said a lot of 'we' when you were talking."

"I... well, there was a reason why I was looking for you." You turn to watch his face, or what you can see of it with his hair still loose, his head tilted down. "I was going to ask you out on a date."

"What!?"

"Yeah. The art museum has a few free hours on Thursdays and I thought it would be nice to go and walk around. And then we could get something to eat after?" Josselin is quiet next to you, his hands tugging on the square, so you add, "I've noticed you and food are... complicated. So you can pick the restaurant. Or snacks. But yeah. I wanted to ask you out."

Finally, his voice small, "You like me?"

"Yeah?"

"No joke?"

"None at all."

He sits on that information for a few moments. You shift again, crossing your legs as you move to sit in front of him. "I think you're cute! And funny, and smart! So smart." You don't know what's okay to touch, because if it was anyone else you might've brushed his hair back or move in closer. Instead you hover your hand near his. "And I think it'll be fun."

Josselin disentangles one hand from the square and takes yours instead.

"I bruised you," he says, his hand holding yours, turning it over to see the blues and blacks already forming on the back of your hand.

"Better than you bruising you," you say.

He stills, then pulls his hands away from yours. "I'm nothing but a burden."

"Not to the right person," you say. "Not to me."

"You barely know me."

"I know you well enough."

Josselin sighs.

You continue before he has another chance. "Look, if it doesn't work out it doesn't work out. But when... if it does, then we've had ourselves a good time. But we won't know unless we try."

He takes in a deep breath, then lets it back out again, then says, "Okay. Okay." Something sparks in your chest and you smile as he continues with, "So what does that make us?"

"Hopefully free Thursday night," you quip.

Josselin laughs.

[kae-karo]

Since you mentioned being in the mood for asks: I think I like my best friend. She knows I'm not straight. But has never actually said she's not straight but has discussed possibility of her sexuality being fluid? She doesn't open up to anyone. And so it's really hard to understand her feelings and I am always afraid of crossing the line by asking her too many questions? So I just avoid asking a question twice. I know our friendship will be ruined if I let her know about my feelings ( 1/2 )

But idk what to do with all these pent up feelings :( she gets close to me but then seems to be very distant after a while. Back and forth. Idk what to do. Especially with all this time in my hand during quarantine all I do is overthink about everything in my life including her. Oh no I'm ranting. Sorry have a great day !!! Love you Katie !!! 🖤🖤🖤 :) ( 2/2 )

hello dear!! 💜💜💜 okay first and foremost never never feel like you have to apologize for sending long/multi-part asks/rambling/etc i adore getting asks and it is never something you should feel bad about!!

now, onto advice here...there are a lot of different options ofc for what you could do, and i won’t say that there’s one right answer or one thing that’s better than another. i am and always will be an advocate for communication and honesty in relationships/friendships/etc, but i think the first thing that needs to happen is you need to decide what route you want to go

the kind of key directions would ofc be to 1. explain your feelings and see if she feels the same 2. decide that you do Not want your current friendship with her to change and that you would rather move on from being interested in her without mentioning that you have feelings or 3. keep on the same path you’re currently on and sort of just...wait it out

uhhh i will say that option 3 is usually...one to avoid, if you can. specifically bc this will probably leave you feeling Bad and that’d be something that’s uhhh not good lmao

so say you want to try telling her how you feel, naturally this comes with the risk (as you mentioned) that she might not feel the same/that you might ruin the friendship by saying something about it, but unfortunately...there’s not really much of a way around that risk. that said, and keeping in mind that idk her or how she tends to act/react to certain situations, there are probably ways to go about this that mitigate some of the risks

if i were in your shoes and decided i wanted to go this route, i might genuinely try to keep it as lowkey and casual as possible, and try to avoid making it some Big Thing™. i’d probs just say smth like ‘hey y’know i think i might have feelings for u beyond just friendship, i wanted to just let you know in case you felt the same, but if not, no worries! it doesn’t change that i still want to be friends with you, and i obviously am not gonna act any differently toward you if you don’t feel the same.’ like. i would try to make it clear that 1. i wouldn’t want anything to change if she didn’t feel the same and 2. that i have no expectations of her

especially since it sounds like she’s still figuring out who she might be into, i might also add something like ‘i totally understand you’re still figuring stuff out, i don’t want you to feel any added pressure, just wanted to be open and honest with you’ (sometimes being open can help others open up too!)

now, that said, it sounds like you might be erring more on the side of wanting to move on and get over your feelings for her - which is totally valid! or, ofc, if you tell her and she’s like ‘yeah man sorry i’m just not into you!’ then u would naturally want to move on without making things uncomfy. in that event, i have one very major recommendation: distractions

i get it! it’s hard with quarantine to keep your mind occupied with other things/people/etc, but unfortunately, moving on isn’t something that can just be done, it requires practice and patience and time

one thing you can try is choosing something you already enjoy and finding an aspect of that to dive deeper into. for example, fan of a show/book? go search for fanart or fanfic if you’re into that! come up with an oc just for fun in whatever universe that piece of media is in, even if u never show it to anyone. pick a few blogs you’ve seen who post a lot and check them out, maybe follow if they seem cool! write fic or draw art, whether it be of an oc or existing characters or even just scenes or something! especially try this out even if you’ve never done either of those things before - and don’t get discouraged if those things aren’t perfect, just give them a shot and you might find something you really enjoy! grab a character or ship you usually don’t give much attention to/haven’t seen before and go check out their tag!

along this route, i speak a lot about fandom/fictional media bc that is what i personally use as an escape, but the same goes for activism/politics/languages/animals/other subjects/literally anything that is of interest to you! there is almost always an unexplored aspect of something that you can dive into. but! in the event that you can’t or don’t find anything interesting...

another thing is to find something new! a show you’ve heard about but never watched (or a show you’ve literally never heard of before but like just keeps popping up on ur netflix page), a book you’ve been putting off reading, a youtuber that seems p cool, a skill or language or craft or really, literally anything you haven’t done, and trying it. invest a bit of time and energy and just see where it takes you, let yourself think about this new thing and follow your line of curiosity. some of the best (and worst/dumbest/most cursed) ideas i’ve ever had came from just. randomly following the line of curiosity in my head and seeing where it takes me. hell, that’s what led to me writing fic in the first place!

and be forgiving of yourself too, don’t associate thoughts about this person with any kind of ‘oh shit i’m not supposed to be thinking about her’ kind of reactions, just gently redirect your thoughts to that one episode you just watched, or the question you have about the universe it exists in, or what crocheting pattern you want to try out first, etc etc etc. again, this kind of thing takes time and patience and won’t happen overnight, but you absolutely can get there!

the last ‘distraction’ i tend to go for is revisiting old interests! that fic or book you read a long time ago but still have/still have bookmarked as a fave? pick it back up and give it a reread - the cool thing about stories is that, over time, our perspectives change, and the way we experience the story and the emotions we feel over it change as well. same goes for old shows, esp if it’s been a minute! you can even do this in tandem with the first distraction type and dig back into fandoms you haven’t seen in a while!

it can be hard to remember sometimes - esp while we’re in quarantine! - that worlds exist outside our current interests and spheres of influence. whatever you decide to do, dear, just remember that things will be okay in the end (even if they’re not okay at first) so long as you try to do what’s right for you and be thoughtful and caring along the way. i hope this helped at least a little!

[littleandroidwrites]

“She needs to back off of you.” i lied this for gio and eden the energy

Beckett’s little fists were leaving indents in the pasta dough that he was so poorly rolling out, and Gio was mystified – not for the first time – by how much a small human made half of him could soften him at the edges. 

He hadn’t even told Beckett that’d he’d ruined the pasta ten minutes ago anyway when he’d accidentally spilled about a half a cup of flaky sea salt into it. It didn’t matter so much, because it was late and Nancy was gonna be by to pick up their son before dinner’d be served anyway, so Beckett wouldn’t have to know that his dad was going to throw out the salty little ravioli he was putting all of his very tiny, very significant might into anyway. 

“Good job, kiddo.”  Gio said, and Beckett gave him a gummy smile back. He’d lost both of his front teeth within two weeks of each other, which made him look so fucking stupid that Giovanni’s heart clenched every time he looked at his gumby little kid. 

“It’s soft.” Beckett said sagely, presumably referring to the pasta dough which he was now bouncing his fingers into rhythmically. 

“Oh. We have a genius on our hands.” Beckett, of course, didn’t understand social nuances, so he only smiled wider. Giovanni brushed back the heavy black tufts of his son’s hair to give him a kiss on his forehead, and had one of those paranoid grown up looking after a child thoughts that maybe having Beckett stand up on a chair like this wasn’t terribly fucking safe. He shifted from his leaning position against the counter to take a slightly more active stance at Beckett’s side, and it was that very moment that the doorbell sounded, which had to mean – 

“Drew.” That was Eden from the table, who Gio was going to praise for her psychic abilities until he saw that actually she was on her phone instead of reading a script like he’d thought she’d been this whole time. “Does she know you don’t have to ring the bell for the key to work?” 

Gio snorted, because Drew’s politeness would never let her enter their home unannounced, despite the fact Giovanni had insisted to her on multiple occasions that – 

“You can just come in, you know.” 

At the sound of Drew’s footsteps coming from the foyer, Beckett seemed finally to click that the person arriving was in fact his most beloved mommy. Springing into motion, his little hand grabbed hold of Gio’s forearm and he jumped from the chair, nearly stumbling when he landed which only reaffirmed the chair paranoia. Giovanni bent to straighten him up again, and then turned to watch Beckett run into Nancy’s arms, which filled Gio as it always did with an overwhelming fondness. 

Giovanni had always appreciated Drew – you know, minus those couples years that were kind of a fucking drag – but especially lately, now that being a new father again was front of his mind. Eden was going on five months pregnant now, which was just as much a source of joy as it was of panic. Sure, he’d taken care of Beckett for reasonable periods of time, but never an infant, and never for-fucking-ever. And he’d been to what felt like sixty birthing classes already, had a book on what to expect when you’re expecting all but thrown at his head by Wolfgang that he’d made some headway in and – and it didn’t seem to fucking end, and then Gio would remember that Drew had done it by herself.

Well. By herself, featuring Ji Yeong. Who Gio was sure had put together a calming pregnancy playlist and crocheted a tiny little baby Beckett and tiny little mother Drew and put balloons in the birthing room or whatever. But she’d gone into it knowing she was going to raise a baby alone, without any kind of experience with one of her own. 

While Drew and Beckett greeted each other with tales of their day (Beckett was talking about the duck he’d met, Drew about the market she’d gone to), Gio did a lap around the dining area to collect up the little tornado his son had left behind. A squeaky book here, soft toy there, and his precious blanket. He shoved the first two into Beckett’s backpack, but kept the blanket out to hand to him when he approached them again. Taking a breath, like she was only just now noticing anything but Beckett, Nancy gave him a flustered smile and said, “Hello.” 

“Hello.” He said back, faux serious, because Nancy could be so fucking formal and he’d never grown out of pointing that out. Still, there was no point in elongating the joke because Beckett didn’t get it and Eden wasn’t listening and Drew had already let out a little breath of a laugh, so Gio gave her a one armed hug instead, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek. Beckett imitated the soft smack of it, which Giovanni laughed at. He knew it probably was more auditory fascination than vicious mock, but a guy could dream.

“Sorry I’m late. Really.  I just got so caught up –” 

“We were waiting by the door.” 

Drew gave him a flat look that was just as much exasperation as it was acceptance, because she knew him well enough to know that was Giovanni’s version of saying it was okay. When he only looked back, she eventually cracked a little smile. “I’ll make it up to you, anyway.” 

“Calm down. I actually like the kid.” He said this as he manoeuvred Beckett’s mini-sized bag onto Drew’s shoulder, because Beckett was already resting his little head on his mother’s chest and looking between them in the bleary-eyed, half-lidded way of a toddler who was about to sleep the whole way home. 

“I know that.” Nancy said softly, unnecessarily, but she was always one to say something just in case. She was thorough like that. Sensitive like that. 

After Gio had walked them out to the car – tucking Beckett’s blanket into his car seat and taking a moment to tell Drew that their kid was kind of fucking cute even when he was sucking his thumb – he came back inside to unceremoniously toss Beckett’s mess of dough into the organics bin.

“He has no future in the culinary arts.” 

The silence, Giovanni had to admit, was defeaning. He looked up from the counter to see that Eden was just looking at him, chin perched on her intertwined hands, all of the airs of a person waiting. 

Because for Eden he always would, Giovanni took the bait. “Everything okay?”

Able to move now that she’d been acknowledged, Eden let out a sigh, closing her eyes as she moved a strand of her hair delicately out of her face. Giovanni pushed off of the kitchen island to make his way to her, and it was when he took the seat beside her, leaning on his elbow so that his face was almost in front of hers to witness her better that she said, quite casually, “She needs to back off of you.” 

That certainly was a strand of words that his wife had just put together. But Gio tilted his head to the side, half smiling in disbelief. “What?” 

“It’s just disrespectful. In my house. On my new porcelain tile.” 

Giovanni laughed, delighted as he always was when Eden was jealous, but this time it might have been a little bit because of how absurd it was. Actually, it was always absurd, which was why Gio loved it so much. The notion that Eden could ever think he’d look at someone else when he was damn near a eunuch in the hours that she wasn’t with him with how much he noticed other women. The idea that she could ever think he wouldn’t die fucking obsessed with her. Hysterical. Generally, Giovanni would parse this to Eden with a sprinkle of and fuck that bitch for fun, but now he just shook his head, free hand going to rest on Eden’s leg.

“Sweetheart. She wasn’t coming onto me.” 

“Like she didn’t linger into that cheek kiss.” 

Giovanni threw his head back, laughing. “Oh my god.” 

“You think this is funny?”

“Yes!” He said, and then, because that was the wrong thing to say anyway so why not keep it up, “We’re friendly. She’s the mother of my child.” 

“Like I’m going to be!” Eden said, looking beautiful and outraged as she scooted her chair out a little, just enough for her pregnant belly to show.

“Yeah. Mother of my child, my wife, love of my life – do you see the difference?”

“Does she?” 

God, it was ridiculous, and Giovanni loved her. He cupped a hand adoringly under her jaw, looking into her eyes when he said, “She knows. Everybody knows.” 

Eden’s expression softened almost imperceptibly, but she smothered it quickly, instead looking up at the ceiling coyly. “Knows what?” 

A smile stretched across his face, because Giovanni loved to indulge her. “That I love you. That I worship you. That there’s nobody else for me. That you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Want more?” 

She finally deigned to grace him with her gaze, smiling in a way that told Giovanni he’d said the right things. “More.” 

“That you’re enchanting. That you light up a room just by breathing in it. That I spent my whole life before I met you not knowing I could ever be this happy, and –” 

And he was cut off, because now Eden was kissing him, and he was kissing her back. 

Gio knew he’d be finishing those sentences later, because he knew what his wife needed, and he knew he’d spend the rest of his life happy to give it to her.

[aborderlinehurricane]

✨ Bpd Asks ✨

So I decided just to answer all of these because I know no one will actually inbox me a number lol

1. How did you find out about bpd?

I felt like I had it when I was like 15 and then when I turned 18 a doctor asked “has anyone ever diagnosed you with BPD?” And I said “no.” Then I was officially diagnosed.

2. How long have you been diagnosed?

Since I was 18. So almost 5 years.

3. What age do you think you started having bpd symptoms?

Honestly I think like 8 or 9. I had a lot of random emotional breakdowns when I was younger whenever I had a small disagreement with someone because I thought they were leaving me.

4. Do you have other mental illnesses? Does bpd complicate these illnesses? If so, in what way?

Bipolar, CPTSD, and Bulimia. Being treated for possible OCD and ADHD. It makes the CPTSD worse because they are very similar in some ways.

5. What do you do to deal with anger?

Still learning

6. What do you do to deal with depression?

I use my online social media accounts to express myself, go on tik tok, or talk to someone online.

7. What do you do to deal with anxiety?

slow breathing or do something with my hands.

8. What do your mood swings look and feel like?

Literally I could be fine and calm one minute then 3 mins later I’m severely depressed and suicidal then later on irritable and angry for no reason.

9. If you experience dissociation, what is that like for you personally?

It feels like nothing is real. Like I’m not real and the world isn’t real. Like I’m a character in a movie and I get really spacey. I sometimes forget where I am.

10. Are you more of a quiet borderline, classic borderline, or somewhere in the middle? If you’re in the middle, what traits do you have of quiet and classic bpd?

In the middle. Kinda classic by which I have occasional outbursts. But mostly quiet because I turn inward most times and self harm or have suicide attempts. Probably like 40% classic and 60% quiet.

11. Do you believe in the 4 types of bpd? If so, are you more of a discouraged, impulsive, petulant, or self-destructive borderline?

I believe in the 4 types and I believe someone can be more than one type. I am the discouraged and self-destructive type of borderline.

12. Were you ever misdiagnosed? If so, which mental illness were you misdiagnosed with? How did that affect your treatment?

I used to be diagnosed with major depressive disorder and then it was changed to bipolar disorder. I was once diagnosed with EDNOS and then it was changed to Bulimia Nervosa.

13. Do you have an fp? If so, how do you cope with having such a strong, influential relationship?

My fp tends to be mental health professionals like therapists and psychiatrists. It can be quite detrimental to the therapeutic relationship. 

14. How many times have you been hospitalized? If you have been hospitalized, what was it like and did it help you in any way?

Sounds unreal but it’s been 38 times from 2011-2020. And it used to help at first but now it’s just an inconvenience.

15. What is your advice to someone who is considering hospitalization or is about to be hospitalized?

It’s okay to go they are there to help you but most of the help you’ll receive is actually from outpatient therapy.

16. Have you ever been in residential treatment? If so, what was it like and did it help?

Yes, I went to Timberline Knolls. The same place Demi Lovato and Kesha went for treatment in Illinois. It was helpful at first but I grew to hate it. Every week someone is trying to escape and the girls are super gossipy and catty.

17. What is your advice to someone who is considering residential treatment or is about to start residential treatment?

Please research people’s experiences and reviews of the facility before applying/going.

18. What is your advice to someone who has just been diagnosed with bpd?

Get involved with either a DBT therapist or DBT group. It’ll help a lot. Read up from different books and websites. And for GOD’S SAKE do not read that awful book “I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me.”

19. Who do you look up to that influences your personality/way of thinking? What personality traits/ways of thinking have you taken on because of them?

I take traits from everyone I encounter and it’s always changing so this wouldn’t be a very short answer.

20. Who did you look up to when you were young (real or fictional)?

Katniss Everdeen because she’s just really strong and in the books I loved her cynical attitude. Lady Gaga and Demi Lovato were/are my role models for recovery. I’ve had a crush on Lady Gaga for several years as well lol.

21. How have you changed since you were first diagnosed? (Be proud of yourself, you’ve come a long way and I’m proud of you 💖)

Honestly I’ve just gotten worse but I’ve developed more insight.

22. What are some things related to your bpd that you still want to work on?

Dissociation, paranoia, innapropiate anger, self destructive tendencies, no sense of self, fear of abandonment.. okay I might as well say everything because I meet every criteria for bpd when you only need to meet 5...

23. Does bpd cause your opinions on things to change a lot?

Yeah other people’s opinions influence my opinions.

24. How are you feeling right now? What is currently influencing your mood?

Hopeless and tired. Mainly because I feel like my life is going nowhere.

25. Do you have any friends with bpd? If so, how is that friendship different than friendships with people who do not have bpd?

An online friend :) but I’ve several friends with bpd over the years. The friendship would never work out because we both have bpd and our personalities would just clash.

26. Favorite songs to listen to when you’re in a bad mood?

My Chemical Romance - The Light Behind Your Eyes

Clairo - Flaming Hot Cheetos

Jose Gonzalez - Crosses

Crown the Empire - Lead Me Out of the Dark

Imogen Heap - Hide and Seek

Chase Holfelder - Animal

27. What do you do to get yourself through a break down?

I yell, and try to take deep breaths and close my eyes.

28. What are your top 3 healthy coping skills?

Writing, art, and music

29. Do you channel your pain into any art forms such as drawing, singing, poetry, etc?

artwork, drawing, poetry, singing, crochet, ukulele, guitar, piano, and clarinet.

30. Are you more of the type to isolate and avoid others or need to be with people all the time because you’re afraid to be alone?

Isolation

31. Are you more of the type to overshare too much personal information or keep too much of yourself a secret out of fear of rejection?

I definitely overshare way too much.

32. Does bpd affect your appearance? For example, do you change your hair or clothing style frequently?

I’m always changing my style. I go from dressing emo, to goth, to punk, to tomboy, to now my current style: art hoe.

33. What keeps you alive?

Art and Music

34. How open are you about having bpd?

Pretty open with most people but I do get wary of being judged and stigmatized.

35. When starting a new relationship, when do you usually think it’s the right time to tell your partner you have bpd?

I have an issue with oversharing typically. But I usually wait depending on the person. Like I wait till we get to know each other then I tell them.

36. Do you listen to any songs that perfectly describe how you feel as a person who has bpd?

Lorde - Liability

Twenty One Pilots - I Need Something

P!NK - Don’t Let Me Get Me

37. Were you more of an innocent quiet child or a trouble maker growing up?

Innocent and quiet. But as a child I’ve had a lot of emotional outbursts under stress.

38. Are there any coping skills you want to try that you haven’t yet?

embroidery

39. Are you currently in recovery? If so, how is that going for you?

KInda. In therapy and I’m taking medications but I’m still struggling.

40. What keeps you motivated?

Answer not found

41. Does the bpd stigma affect you in any way? If so, how?

Yes because people see my behaviors and emotions as attention seeking & dramatic when it’s not.

42. Name 5 qualities you like about yourself.

Creative, smart, funny, that’s all I got...

43. Do you journal? If so, does it help you cope?

I use it occasionally to keep track of my chaotic days and behaviors.

44. Do you use any bpd/dbt related apps?

No.

45. List some of your favorite bpd blogs.

I don’t have any.