#first new bike I've ever bought though

[cold-earth-connection]

Ok. I'm four bikes in now. Didn't want to admit it, but this 29er, Carbon, Short Travel thing is a LOT OF FUN.

[delewlew]

i'll kick your ass, verstappen: max verstappen x black fem! reader

request: HEYYYYYYY could you do a max x fem reader when he gets jealous really bad over one of your male friends please. Love your stories keep going 🤍🤍

warnings: jealousy, slight swearing, google translated dutch

author's note: i hope you like this, i lowkey fried my brain trying to make sure i was confident enough to post this...still trying to convince myself. also the title isn't as cute cuz my gradient thingie wasn't working so it'll be plain...sorry bout that. as always, reblogs and comments are always appreciated as well <3

you were in second grade when you met your best friend, nikolaas, after he moved to your school. you were assigned to be his class buddy to help him get comfortable at the new school. the two of you attended the same school all the up to university so you weren't ever really apart from one another. the two of you learned to swim and ride bikes together as little kids. he was there when you went on your first date with the cute guy in your calculus class at the ice rink near your home, and he was there to take you to the hospital when you broke your ankle right after. you were there to help him learn to slow dance before he went to his first formal dance with a girl that wasn't you. he was there to teach you how to walk in that pair of So Kate's you bought without realizing maybe there was a reason nobody but zendaya dared to wear those godforsaken heels. you were there to coach him through confessing his feelings to his first boyfriend. the two of you had experienced so much of your lives beside one another that your relationship wasn't shaken when it was time to move away from home. years passed and he was a professional model travelling the world while you were working as an architect, living in monaco.

since living in monaco you'd been promoted, moved to a nicer apartment, completed a huge project with your team, and met your boyfriend. you met max at an event you'd been invited to courtesy of your own personal connections. from the moment he laid eyes on you, he knew you there was something different about you from other women he's met in the past. that night, you both exchanged numbers and he'd convinced you to go on a date with him shortly after.

༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

for the first time since you'd moved to monaco, your best friend had finally been able to take time to come visit you. he'd flown in two days ago and was staying at your apartment for a bit longer before flying out to korea for some event he was invited to. you sat on your bed and he sat across from you painting a fresh coat of nail polish over his nails since the ocean water chipped it off earlier today. his hand shook slightly as he painted his fingers and your voice cut through the silence, "nikko i swear to god if you get black nail polish on my bed i'll kill you." he looked up through his long, thick, black eyelashes and muttered, "je bent letterlijk de meest dramatische persoon die ik ooit heb ontmoet." you rolled your eyes and huffed, "whatever you love me and you know it." he cracked a smile through the focused glare he held while looking at his fingers, "yeah yeah...speaking of love, how's your man?" [you're literally the most dramatic person i've ever met]

you smiled at the thought of max and answered, "he's really good. the season has treated him well for the most part and he's happy with how things are. we're going back home for his next race so i'm excited i'll be able to see both of our families, and i'm gonna try to stop by your place to see your mom if she's there." he shook his head while keeping his eyes on his nails, "m'ma is in suriname until september because she's visiting granm'ma and granp'pa." your frowned and asked, "were you supposed to go home with her?" nikko nodded and shrugged, "it's alright though, i think i'll be able to make it down there for christmas so it's fine. plus you can see her in september when she comes back." a smile tugged on his lips and he continued, "that is if you want to come see me walk at new york, paris, milan, or london fashion week this year." you nearly tackled him into a hug and screeched, "NO FUCKING WAY- NIKKO?! YOU BOOKED ALL FOUR?!" he laughed and wrapped his arm around you in a hug, "yup i'm booked and busy this year!"

you immediately promised, "i'm going to be at every single show." your best friend nodded, "already reserved your tickets for everything." there was a beat of silence before he asked, "wait isn't max still racing in september- i don't want to make you miss those especially because you missed miami for the met gala with me." this was true, you'd flown to new york city to be nikko's plus one for the met gala but max told you he didn't mind and was happy you were going. without a second thought, only thinking of how exciting this was for your best friend, you waved off his worry, "it'll be fine. besides max likes you."

༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

"i don't fucking like this guy." max huffed as he scrolled though his instagram because you posted something. he looked at his screen and clenched his jaw seeing the post you'd made with your best friend.

therealyn

liked by nikko, maxverstappen1, and 643,943 others

therealyn baby's first time in monaco <3

read all 5,423 comments

nikko i wish i could stay longer :(

⤷ therealyn don't forget me when ur famous

sza cuties

⤷ therealyn omg i love you

username1 why is he so close?

⤷ username2 they've been friends since they were 7 and nikko moved to the netherlands from suriname. y/n was his first friend and they've grown up together. don't try to start something out of nothing.

⤷ username3 GET EM SIS

⤷ username4 ngl i kinda see what username1 means...if you look back at some other posts they've made with each other they're way closer than i'd consider to be best friends. i mean i personally wouldn't be that close with my guy bsf knowing i have a man.

⤷ username4 that man is a walking pride flag be so fr rn

⤷ username1 im just saying he's a little close to her. plus she's already missed a race so she can go see him, and i guarantee you she'll do the same again when fashion week comes around.

༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

reading the comments didn't ease max's mind whatsoever but he did catch a few that did make him realize that maybe you were just being a supportive best friend. he'd had friends go to things to support him in the past and he's done the same for them so why does he feel so...weird when you do the same? he'd managed brush off the feelings he had until he checked your story and clicked on the post you'd shared:

nikko

liked by therealyn, gucci, and 1,235,099 others

nikko but none of them will ever love you the way i do it's me and you

view all 10,302 comments

therealyn and as the years go by our friendship will never die

kendalljenner beauties

username6 ...why is he holding her like that.

⤷ username7 i think they're together? i always saw their posts together and assumed

⤷ username8 NO THEY'RE NOT TOGETHER THEY'RE BEST FRIENDS PLS DON'T START RUMORS SHE IS DATING MAX VERSTAPPEN

username9 this look a little....

username10 yall are so weird. literally every interaction nikko has with a girl looks like this, look it up and you'll see he's holding everyone's hand, wrapping their arms around them. it's just how he is pipe down.

username11 THE CAPTION? NIKOLAAS UR BOLD FOR THAT ONE

username12 ngl i kinda wanna see them as a couple

༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

max fought to control his facial expressions when you called him excited to tell him about going to support nikko at the big 4 fashion weeks. he watched as your eyes sparkled, "he's already reserved the seat in my name at all of his shows too! this is so great he's always wanted to walk in these shows and now he's got the chance. i want september to already be here." max frowned at the mention of the month, "schat- i'm still racing in september though?" you explained, "well yeah it's just singapore and azerbaijan that i'll have to miss but i'll be at the rest." max bit the inside of his cheek, "didn't you already see him walk in new york back in may? you missed miami for it remember?" you smiled, "babe that was the met gala, that was different. this is actual fashion shows not a red carpet."

when max was still silent you asked, "why don't you seem happy doe nikko?" he took a small exhale to not raise his voice or seem too annoyed, "it's good for the guy i mean this is a big deal as a model. i just...sometimes i think he's just a little too close?" you frowned and you asked, "what do you mean? you've never had a problem with him before?" max sighed and admitted, "i'm just saying there's no reason why other people should be questioning our relationship status when you're with other people. why is he holding you like i hold you?" you couldn't even find the right words for a moment, "i- i- he....max you've seen the way he acts around everyone. he's a touchy guy and he always has been. why are you now bothered that he holds me? it's nothing new."

max let out another annoyed huff and snapped, "just tell him to watch himself." you couldn't even say anything before he hung up the phone on you and left you stunned to a silence. just then your phone pinged and it was another instagram notification:

nikko just posted a story!

there wasn't even a point in trying to ask nikolaas to delete the story because he was on a flight to korea right now which means he just posted it before the plane took off. so all you had to do was hope maybe max wouldn't see it because although you had no issue with the photo, you knew right now your boyfriend would.

༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

the instagram story made it's way to his eyes in less than 5 minutes after it was posted. so, max didn't hesitate to open his own photo gallery and select a few pictures before posting them himself, he pasted a caption from the ones you'd saved in his notes and posted it before turning off his phone.

maxverstappen1

liked by charles_leclerc, f1wags, and 649,779 others

maxverstappen1 mijn

view all 3,402 comments

therealyn answer your phone

username13 HE'S MAD HE SEEN THE POSTS

username14 max....

charles_leclerc mate, you posted on your main

⤷ maxverstappen1 i know.

⤷ charlesleclerc oh!

oscarpiastri i feel like i wasn't supposed to see some of these

⤷alex_albon i don't think any of us were...

⤷ therealyn you werent.

༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

hot tears stung the corners of your eyes as you stared at your phone knowing full well why max posted the photos he did. you knew that he got jealous every now and again but he'd never done anything like this, especially when it came to nikolaas because he knew how close he was to you. max wasn't answering your phone calls or text messages so you had no way to actually call him.

meanwhile max was in his apartment on his sim when he heard a knock at his door. when he opened it he saw lando standing on his doorstep before he pushed his way into his apartment. max asked, "why are you in my apartment?" lando shook his head and countered, "why are you posting shit like this online?" a smug grin tugged at max's lips and he answered, "you know why."

lando sat on max's couch and responded, "i don't know why. what i do know is your girlfriend called me crying asking me why you weren't answering her calls." max huffed, "she's busy playing with that guy." lando ran a hand through his curls, "you're jealous of her best fucking friend? are you being serious right now?" max rolled his eyes and lando continued, "the guy wears nail polish and face glitter and you think something is going on between them?" when there was silence lando continued, "mate he literally flirted with charles and asked for his number when he came to zandvoort last year. then told alex that she had good taste because he wanted to quote 'drink him up and sop up the rest with a biscuit. and you think there's any way that something is happening with y/n? you can be jealous but if your girlfriend says there's no reason to worry then you should trust her. you need to fix this before something actually happens that can't be fixed." lando slapped max on the shoulder before walking out the door and heading back to his apartment.

༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

it was nearly 3 am when max unlocked the front door to your apartment and slipped in quietly, kicking off his shoes and leaving them by your front door. he pulled back the door and grabbed one of his t shirts and took off his pants before climbing in your bed. he pulled you closer to him and wrapped his arm around your torso. when you moved his arm off of you he knew you were awake so he mumbled, "schat..." you answered plainly, "wat wil je, max?" your boyfriend pressed a kiss to your shoulder and responded, "i'm sorry. i was wrong and i was immature and posting those pictures knowing you had them in our private folder was wrong." there was a momentary silence before you asked, "waarom heb je het dan gedaan?" he let out a deep sigh as he admitted, "i was jealous and only thinking about myself in the moment instead of thinking about how my actions would affect you as well. i never want to hurt you or be the reason for your pain, but i was so i'm sorry." [what do you want, max? // then, why did you do it?]

you felt his hand run over your arm gently as you asked, "wat ga je doen om het te repareren?" max answered, "well i deleted the post first and came here to apologize second. also i'd love to see you go to london, paris, new york, and milan to support nikko in september. i'll be waiting at home for you the minute you get back." you turned to face him and opened your eyes, finding his gaze in the darkness. bringing your hand to his cheek you asked, "i never want you to think that anyone stands a chance at competing with you for my heart, maxie. you are my person and i only love you this way, i only want to be with you. there's only you in my heart and i need you to trust me when i say that, okay?" max leaned into your touch and nodded, before you pressed a gentle kiss to his lips, "i love you." he pulled you to his chest and tangled his legs with yours as he replied, "ik houd ook van jou." you nuzzled closer to him and brought a hand to his chest, tracing small patterns over his heart. both of you began to drift off to sleep, your voice cut through the silence, "but do that shit again and i'm kicking your ass, verstappen." max let out a small chuckle and admitted, "i don't doubt that, but you don't have to worry about it happening again." [what are you going to do to fix it?//i love you too.]

༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆𖦹.✧˚

the end.

[ateez-himari]

[240901] MAKNAES REUNITE

[NEW MESSAGES FROMM HIMARI]

[PM 10:49] The maknaes are maknae-ing harder than any maknae has ever maknae-d before

[PM 10:50] ㅎㅎ I might possibly be on social media more than you guys think, but the caption was both of our ideas to be fair. It's maknae telepathy

[PM 10:50] No we rode on the same one (please help me), I have a racing circuit license, a driver's license but I don't have a motorcycle license yet. We've been really busy lately so I'll get it when I have time

[PM 10:51] Ah, we're ahead of you! Jungkook oppa already posted the ta ta ta challenge on his account, we knew you guys would want us to do it ㅎㅎㅎ I can't believe he's starting trends while doing his service...

[PM 10:52] Oh, Tiny! It's his birthday today, he turned 27...he's getting very close to being 30 already yet he acts the same age as me. It's a shared braincell between maknaes I think

[PM 10:52] It's hard to keep track of but it's been about 11 years now, maybe a little more since we met before their debut. Since I'm still 22 I've known him half of my life

[PM 10:52] I didn't know he used one of his rest days, he just called me in the morning after my boyfriend left for the studio and asked if I was busy. It was fun, we went to eat barbeque after the bike ride

[PM 10:53] Oh I remember that, people were speculating for so long ㅎㅎI solved the mystery now, as you can see the extra helmet in his house was mine. I think the other members use it sometimes too so it's shared property

[PM 10:53] Some protective gear he bought for me is there too, I think some army were talking about it after a live and I felt kind of bad because they thought it was a girlfriend...

[PM 10:54] Jimin oppa told you that we cried when he started his service ? Wow, what a tattler, but it's true. I guess it was just really strange, I mean we grew up together in a sense so leaving each other for so long was heavy

[PM 10:54] Ahh no you can't talk to him, we said goodbye about two hours ago so I'm back home now. Mingi asked if I wanted to do a live later so you might talk to us!

[PM 10:54] If you guys are lucky he'll turn on the camera this time ㅎㅎ I really want to give you a tour of the airbnb at some point too, since it's a hanok (a traditional house) it looks really nice, like we're back in time almost

[PM 10:55] Hyunjin oppa already posted the pictures ? It's true, we went to see Stray Kids yesterday and it was such an amazing concert ! We met a few staytinys there, then had dinner with some of the members

[PM 10:55] No, I've actually known Bangchan oppa longer since we spent some time together before I left for KQ. We slept in the same room for a bit since neither of us were in the lineup for any group so there was no set dorm

[PM 10:56] How can you do this to me ?! There's no way I can pick a favorite solo, I really hope that they release them soon though...I'll put in a good word to JYP for you guys ;p

[PM 10:57] Don't worry I have plans with other members later on! But first we're going to go see my family in a few days, mom's been very adamant on 'setting my boyfriend straight just in case' ㅎㅎ I missed them a lot

[PM 10:57] Haneul's been asking me to come non-stop every time my brother calls to check up on me so I'm sure she'll be happy too. The members and I got so many gifts while we were on tour, Seonghwa oppa even got her some baby Lego

[PM 10:57] Oh, no, not Sannie oppa's older sister ! Haneul is my niece, Hanzo nii-chan's daughter, my brother wanted to continue the legacy of 'H' names to honor our parents

[PM 10:58] Ahh Mingi's out of the shower so I have to go now, we're gonna go on a walk (really romantic right ??) ♡ Love you so much, kisses!

Translated from Korean by Google

[clothyume]

Epilogue

Shu: Kiryu! Are you alright enough to move? 

Kuro: I’ve been laid down for nearly an hour. I’ve recovered enough to walk

More importantly, what’s that? Why are you trying to ride a bike?

Shu: Oh, this? Well, though  your travel sickness is severe, you’re better on bicycles than in cars, right?

Since it’s an emergency, we’ll ride this back to ES. Alright, get on the back 

Kuro: Wait a sec. I’m confused…

Why a bike? You didn’t steal it, did you? 

Shu: I beg your pardon. I’d never do something so unethical! 

I was given permission by this bicycle’s owner, and they handed it over to me

Kuro: They just handed it over…!?

Shu: Fortunately I met a young man on a bicycle who lived in a nearby village. He gave me this bicycle  

Kuro: You sound like a tsukkomi. More like, I’m curious why he gave it to you. And he gave you a helmet

Shu: It seems he bought a new bicycle recently. Apparently he was having a farewell ride today

He said it felt like fate that he happened to meet me who was looking for a bicycle on that day. The helmet was just a freebie

Kuro: What a coincidence…

Shu: Perhaps you should say that reality is stranger than fiction. Now, hurry

Kuro: Well, you told me to get on the back. But you can’t ride a bike in the first place, can you?  

Shu: Th-That was when I was in elementary school. Now I can read a bike with ease

Kuro: …Then can I see you ride it? I’ll believe it when I see it 

Shu: Of course. Behold, Kiryu. I can already ride a bicycle skillfully…

Eek!?

Kuro: Oop, be careful. Look, say no more

Shu: …I just happened to hit a small pebble 

Kuro: Don’t be pretentious. So neither of us can ride a bike after all? 

Shu: …

Kuro: Thanks for caring about me, but you’re worrying too much. Don’t overwork yourself, Itsuki 

Shu: …I’m not satisfied with that comment

Kuro: Ah? What are you not satisfied with? 

Shu: “You’re worrying too much”, speak for yourself 

Kuro: What’s that supposed to mean… Hey! Don’t force me to wear a helmet 

Shu: —It’s you who’s worrying too much about me 

Why are you trying to show off when you’re already weak from motion sickness? 

Kuro: Huh? I’m not trying to show off. But in this case I’m the one that got you involved 

Shu: Non! First of all, stop thinking so selfishly, saying you got me involved

Why are you thinking so negatively today in the first place? 

Kuro: …Well, isn’t it natural that we’d get into such a troublesome situation? 

Shu: And? Have I ever said I regretted that and wished I hadn’t taken on this job today?  

Kuro: That’s… I don’t think you’ve said it

Shu: Exactly. On the contrary, I’m enjoying today in its own way 

I haven’t had a bad time indulging in memories with you, Kiry— Ryu~kun 

So there’s no need to feel guilty about getting me “involved” 

Kuro: …What the hell. This is awfully sincere for you, Itsuki 

Shu: I mean I won’t be a crybaby who needs you to protect me forever 

I agreed to participate in this project of my own free will. I’ve become an adult now who can take responsibility for my own choices 

That much is enough to help you when you’re in trouble, Kiryu

So today, rely on me without another word. Snot-nosed brat, Ryu~kun 

Kuro: Haha, you’ve started calling yourself an adult. That wimpy crybaby Icchan…

Okay. If you’re gonna say that much, I’ll go along with your suggestion 

When the time comes, we can fall over together…♪

Shu: Stop talking under the assumption we’re going to fall!

Hmph. I’ll show you how to ride it right away. Hold on tight, Kiryu

I’ll show you plainly just how much I've grown since elementary school—

Chiaki: Boo…☆ Stop right there, Itsuki. It’s dangerous to ride a bike with two people on!

Shu: Gyah!? Morisawa, what are you doing here… Uwah!?

Kuro: We fell over immediately…

Shu: Ngh…. That’s because Morisawa frightened me just now

Kaoru: Are you two okay? That was some spectacular fall 

Kuro: Ah, we're okay. I shielded Itsuki just before we fell, so I think he’s okay too

Chiaki: That’s good then. But riding a bike with two people on is a serious traffic violation, you two better be careful!

Shu: I appreciate the advice, but I wish you’d stopped us a little more gently 

Chiaki: My bad. I was looking for an opportunity not to disturb your conversation, but you suddenly started running 

So I came in and yelled at you to stop…☆

Kuro: Anyways, you arrived really soon considering we just got off the phone? 

Nagisa: …The place is just surrounded by mountains, but it’s not actually that remote

Chiaki: Yup. In fact there were almost no cars or people passing by, so we were able to get here smoothly

Kaoru: That said, it’s still a mountain road. I think Itsuki’s heart is admirable, but it’s unreasonable to try and go down a mountain on a bicycle 

Shu: Sh-shut up, Hakaze! Secretly eavesdropping makes me question your integrity! 

Kuro: From the looks of it, these guys overheard our conversation just now

Mitsuru: Sorry. But, I told them to call out sooner! 

Chia-chan-senpai and everyone said it would be better not to disturb you though…

Kaoru: Ahaha. Well, I felt like you guys were having an important conversation 

Shu: Honestly… If I’d known you were coming to pick us up so soon I wouldn’t have gotten this bicycle 

Kuro: Neither of us can ride a bike in the first place, so there wasn’t much point in getting one anyway

Mitsuru: Now that you mention it. Both of you can't ride a bike? 

Kuro: …Try not to spread it around, Tenma. Not being able to ride a bike at this age doesn’t look cool 

Mitsuru: Uh-huh… I’ll keep it a secret. In that case you should learn to ride a bike, Kiryu~senpai!

Don’t worry! I’ll give you some special training on how to ride a bike! Of course Oshisan-senpai can come too!

Kuro: Haha, thank you Tenma. I think that’s a really good idea. Don’t you agree, Itsuki? 

Shu: I suppose. Although I wonder if you’ll be able to ride now that your motion sickness is so much more severe than when you were a child? 

Kuro: I’m not confident. Though I can’t sit with the feeling that I’ll be bad at it forever, can I? 

Shu: In that case I’ll accompany you to this special training. It's as though this is homework that you and I left unfinished when we were in elementary school 

Kuro: Yeah. I want to become an adult like you, Itsuki… ♪

Previous

Directory

[acertainmoshke]

I think about home a lot. In the first decade of my life, I lived in 9 houses. In the most recent decade I've lived in 6. The longest I've ever stayed in a single house or apartment was 4.5 years. Home always meant somewhere I could store my books, journals, and collections. Somewhere with a little bit of privacy to read and write and recharge. There was a version of home in my head that included neighbors I got to know, biking down the street and staying out until dark with neighborhood kids. This version was cobbled together from books and the idea of friendship I'd always hoped for. The unstable feeling of so much moving wasn't helped by the instability of not knowing when my parents would be loving and kind and when they would be harsh and angry.

I think about my mom and how she grew up moving between military bases, the only one in her family as an adult to move away from family, and then bouncing around on the whims of Dad's jobs. She never got to be still either. I think about her taking on too many projects, making impossible numbers of plans, running around to cut out coupons and cook dinner and reorganize her sewing supplies. I don't think she knows how to be still.

We just bought a house, my partner and I. I am never moving again. I plan to live here in 10 years, in 30, in 50 (probably not much more than that though). I remember the house we bought when I was 13 and how it was to be forever, until Dad got a new job when I was 18. The house they bought in a new state and were going to retire in. They moved again last year. My parents bounce around looking for some sort of feeling of safety they've never found.

I like to go to the library and look at the pebbly sidewalk and the leaves starting to turn and imagine walking in the same place in a decade. I go to the park and look at all the old houses and figure my neighborhood won't look that different in 20 years. Downtown is already lucky to only have 1 in 4 or 5 little shops closed down in the last 10 years. What will it look like in 30 years? Will I go to a flower shop and reminisce about the bookstore it used to be?

I lived in the same town, though multiple houses, through middle and high school. I knew a few people for most of that time. I was utterly familiar with the library, parks, shops, museums in that place. But I had moved too much by then and even a forever home felt impermanent and ethereal. I was angry when my parents moved suddenly again, but it was inevitable in a way.

We're repainting all our rooms fresh bright colors. I wonder if we'll get tired of one look and do this again in however many years. What memories will each room collect? The idea of staying in one place forever is so delightful it's almost overwhelming. Home doesn't have to be a place, but it's nice to have a place to call home.

[wolfbaenes]

my centerfold | pack

when the pack had grown big enough, derek had tucked the camaro away into a storage unit.

he'd never had any real attachment to the car; it was something he'd bought between new york and beacon hills, a band-aid he'd haphazardly placed over the bleeding wound that was his missing pack. it hadn't done much of anything for him; it hadn't brought back his family, hadn't gotten rid of the smear that was kate argent, hadn't removed that sad edge to his sister's smile. if anything, he thought, it just made laura even sadder; his overcompensatory attempt at making himself seem better than he'd ever been was glaring and embarrassing. but the act of admitting that⎯of quietly turning in the camaro and getting something more reasonable, something that'd just as easily and more comfortably cart the two detached spirits that carried the legacy of the hale pack now⎯felt even worse, so he didn't.

not until scott mccall. scott and stiles and allison⎯then erica and boyd and isaac and lucy, and all of the others that poked their heads into his life after them. not until he regularly found himself picking up unlicensed high schoolers and driving them home after full moons, or chauffeuring ice cream adventures, or taking road trips at three a.m. just so that atticus could listen to that coldplay song on repeat for three hours without bothering anyone. then it didn't make sense to keep the camaro; not when his life had expanded beyond two souls⎯when so many people now carried the hale legacy, in name and blood and every other thing that mattered even more⎯and the world was too full for such a compact vehicle. so he'd gotten a storage unit to hide the camaro in and he'd bought (what scott liked to call) a soccer mom car. and he could take the teasing; as long as allison was sitting in the passenger seat, twisting around to jump into whatever story lydia and quinn were telling, and kira was nodding off against the window with liam's jacket around her shoulders, and bailey was sticking her tongue out at isaac before giggling⎯⎯he'd take all of the teasing in the world for that.

sometimes, though, he did like to pull the camaro out of hiding. it wasn't fit for what he had now, for a family, but⎯sometimes, it worked.

jude had spent the first handful of minutes of this trip looking around in awe and poking every button derek let her get away with. luxury was not familiar to her; the mayers drove a beaten down volkswagen and jude had been riding the same bike since she was eleven. ("it helps that i haven't had a growth spurt since then, either," she'd joked once.) the camaro wasn't the height of opulence, not for derek, but it was new for jude, and he allowed her to poke around with curiosity. it was rare that he got to be alone with her; partially because of the people who loved them, but partially because he went out of his way to make sure they weren't alone. but he'd told himself that he wouldn't run away this time; there were things he couldn't say in front of everyone, not yet, but he wouldn't hide them from jude. not if she needed him to say them.

after ten minutes, jude leaned back in her seat and fell into silence. it wasn't often that she did that, but derek didn't push her out of it. she'd speak eventually.

sure enough, when the hale house was less of a destination and more of a nearing landmark, jude spoke. "professor hale," she said softly. she always called him that; no matter how much derek told her she could call him by his first name, she never did. she was a lot like xochitl in that matter; small, too, like she'd wither and fall away if derek stopped looking. but he thought maybe there was a difference in that. he hummed. jude took a breath. "i've been reading over the memoir you gave me. i mean⎯⎯you know me, i'm a slow reader, so it's taking forever. but i've been reading it."

"...okay."

jude pressed her lips tight together. "is⎯you never answered me before. why did you give it to me?"

derek's hand tightened on the wheel. he didn't mean to. he'd known that jude would ask eventually; he'd been banking on it. he'd been hoping that she would figure it out herself, so that he'd never have to say the words. he still had not worked up the courage to ever say the words. but it was just the two of them here, and if he was ever going to be brave enough to admit it, then it would be now.

kind of.

"i was hoping," he said slowly, "that you'd figure that out for me."

jude stared straight ahead. out of the corner of his eye, derek saw her mouth open, saw her tongue peek out and drag across her lips. he saw her blink a few times, wet and stubborn. "did you know kate?" she asked, her voice scarily quiet. "before the fire, before⎯⎯" she blinked again, harder. "did you know her?"

from this distance, derek could hear the pack, just faintly. hardly, over jude's beating heart. "more than i wish i had," he confessed.

and he heard jude's heart break, right in his hands.

they didn't say anything else in the few minutes that passed before they pulled up to the house. he pretended not to see jude roughly wipe her hands across her face, though it hadn't been wet in the first place. when he killed the engine, the two of them sat there for a moment. "i'm sorry," jude whispered. he thought she might cry, for real this time, but she didn't. "professor."

what was the right thing to say to that? i'm not⎯well, that would be a lie. i am, too⎯and what would that do to her?

derek placed a hand over jude's wrist and squeezed. "come on. atticus takes these things very seriously."

jude smiled, tight, and sniffled.

they got out of the car. derek grabbed jude's bag out of the trunk; it'd taken more work than he'd ever expected, but they'd finally convinced jude to spend a few nights at the pack house. they'd missed the new moon by a week, so atticus was overcompensating by making the moon circle a week-long retreat of sorts, even though they would be staying at the house they already lived in. what mattered, though, was that jude would be there the entire time, just like the rest of them. and after much pleading and wheedling, jude had agreed.

derek didn't know if his admission had anything to do with that. he didn't know how to feel one way or the other.

the house was fully in motion by the time they stepped inside. the scent of hot food hit derek like a particularly delicious train and he started salivating in an instant. laughter poured out of every corner of the house as everyone put on their pajamas and grabbed their most prized stuffed animals in anticipation for the night. a fair number of them had never sat in for a moon circle before, but they'd been warned about how emotionally taxing it could be; any sort of comfort was encouraged.

coming down the stairs in a pair of his most comfortable sweats and a hoodie that derek would swear used to sit in his closet, camden grinned at the sight of them. "jude, hey! you made it!"

"as if i'd ever turn down a moment with my favorite firefighter," jude said around a grin of her own, stepping into camden's offered hug. no one mentioned that jude had, on many occasions, turned down moments with camden and the pack in general. "ooh, something smells good. who cooked?"

"the usual suspects. come on, i'll make you a plate." with his arm around jude's shoulders, camden led her towards the kitchen in search of food. if he noticed her red-rimmed eyes, then he had enough kindness and tact not to point it out.

"here, i'll take that," alicia said, taking jude's bag from derek. "i'm heading upstairs anyway. she's staying with malia, right?"

"i think so⎯thanks." derek watched as alicia took the bag upstairs to drop off, before he made his way back towards the backyard, where people were gradually trickling in.

atticus had been particular about the details for their moon circles. the fact that the timing was off already didn't sit right with her, so they warded off any meltdowns by agreeing to whatever else she wanted. they couldn't have it inside, because the living room was a space where they should always be comfortable and feel at ease. even though the moon circles would eventually bring them peace, it would also bring up a lot of bad feelings that she didn't want them to necessarily associate with their own home. the sunroom wasn't big enough for all of them, and atticus had waved away the witches' offer to make it bigger. in mid-march, it was still a little cold for everyone to be sitting outside for hours, but cass and cecelia had worked their magic to create a warm bubble that'd keep them all at just the right temperature without making them freeze or sweat. as people finished eating and ventured out of the house, they took their spots in the bubble, naturally forming a wide circle that would hold them all.

as scott rushed past him to tackle daryl into a hug⎯which the man pretended to hate, but that did nothing for the fondness in his eyes and scent⎯derek looked at his gathering pack. he loved them. he loved them so tenderly, so wholeheartedly, he could barely breathe around it. and he'd driven the camaro tonight, because it'd afforded him a private moment with jude, but he thought he'd might the right choice. he'd trade it in again, a hundred times over, just to have more space for all of them.

sipping from a thermos of steaming tea and drowning in clothes that did not belong to her at all, lydia paused, then pointed a manicured finger at him. "whose turn it is with the emotional support parents, by the way?"

"mine!" suzy declared, dropping down beside lydia. "i never get to sit next to derek and allison at these things. that's a hate crime. derek, come sit next to me."

"that's rich," danny said, leaning against theo. "especially considering you've gone on record to say that you don't need emotional support."

"record? what record? i know nothing about a record," suzy sniffed.

danny raised an eyebrow. "no? someone pull up the record, i need to make a point."

"don't you dare!" suzy glared and pointed a finger at him. "lesbophobe. i know what you are."

danny grinned at her.

dominic wandered out into the backyard a few moments later and paused. "oh, hey, who gets the emotional support dallison this time?"

"please don't get them started again," kira pleaded.

dominic scoffed. "okay, well, i'm staking a claim on liam," he decided, sitting down.

tara blinked at him. "really? liam? how is that your emotional support person?"

"first of all," liam said, "fuck you."

tara blew him a kiss.

"fuck you twice."

tara raised her eyebrows. "and your second point?"

liam considered it. "no, i think i'm good. fuck you, no notes."

dominic pointed at him. "see? this is why i call dibs on him. he is so funny."

"i'm literally being serious."

shaking his head, derek sat down, swaddled in their warmth and love, and waited for everyone else to come join them.

[seannesruins]

Do you think you can be completely happy even without money, or you think money is necessary to be totally happy in life? Why?

Okay... so this is gonna be a long answer.

I was able to explore a lot in my life because I was privileged enough to have all my salary to myself, I didn't have parents to provide for, or siblings to send to school. I started working at sixteen, that's why I value money so much, knowing how hard it is to earn. I was able to send myself to college and provide myself with a decent home. Sure those were years of sleepless nights, but it also taught me independence, and though it is liberating at times there are also days that solitude brings forth loneliness.

I tried to fill that loneliness with everything I can think of. I was young, with a lot of time, and earning much more than I can spend. I partied. Binge drinking, and doing vices for days with people whose names I can barely recall. I was spending thousands every night, but there was no one to turn to when I had my first alcohol overdose. I was nineteen, too young to be hooked on vices. But what can I do when it was the only thing that makes me forget how lonely I am? I got into a revolving door of romantic partners, just so I can feel like I belonged with someone. Relationships that were good, but mostly I regret.

I tried discovering new hobbies. I tried to go back to arts, invested in painting. Then literature, writing poems, and buying every book I find interesting. I went to the movies almost everyday, watching everything that's showing in the local theaters, subscribed to every streaming platform there is. I invested in athletic wear, ran 21k marathons, bought a bike and ride 200k, bought outdoor gears and camped on deserted sites, hiked 2k+ masl mountains.

Those moments gave me peace but whenever I go home, I'm reminded of how alone I really am.

Last year I thought I found the person who will fill that loneliness. I changed my lifestyle to fit their definition of a perfect relationship. And when it ended I realized how much I've given up. My business venture lost me 70% of my capital, forcing me to declare bankruptcy, I had no other source of income. Moving out from the apartment that my ex partner and I shared left me homeless. And sacrificing my friends for love left me alone.

That's when I went home. And each day ever since, I am learning to work on my happiness. I no longer need to spend thousands on booze, in fact I am working on overcoming my alcohol dependency. I didn't need to go to the movies ever so often, there's a flat screen TV with my entire family sitting on the couch on popcorn nights. I play with my 6 year old brother, cuddle with another who's 1 year old. My 23 year old brother cooks me the best meals, and my sister does my nails when she's not being a moody teenager. My dad and I barely talks but he has provided me with everything I needed to pick up myself again. He never knew why I went home, he never asked.

It took some time but I was able to get my life back on track. I was able to rebuild the finances I lost, (and not to brag but I got more than what I lost that I was actually able to be unemployed for 3 months now and still have money), found myself a new apartment, reconnected with friends. And though I can't say that I am genuinely happy with the way my life is right now, I can say that I am getting there. I have learned to be okay with being alone.

Some of my happiest moments were because I can afford it but some of my unhappiest were because I have more money than actual relationships. So I guess it's not really about the amount that you have or willing to spend, it's about how and with who you spend it with.

[catchygetsfit-ter]

365 days later...

So... I have absolutely no idea how to start this.. but here we go.

Just over a year ago, my daughter likened me to a gorilla and Daddy Pig from Peppa Pig.

It killed me inside. She was absolutely right though. I was the biggest I had ever been. But.. it wasn't always like that.

I have always struggled with my weight. Ever since I was 11 years old. Always had the round bulbous tummy, ate a little too much, had the 'puppy' fat and didn't exercise enough.

I tried multiple times to lose weight over the years, the first real time I decided to try was age 20. I didn't have a clue what I was doing. I didn't join a gym, I didn't focus on my diet, I didn't have a plan and shock horror - I didn't lose the weight.

Age 25 I decided to join a gym. That's all I did though, I went regularly, hit the exercise bikes for an hour at a time, treadmill for an hour.. then guess what I did.. went home thinking, I've done 2 hours of exercise, where's the takeaway menu, I've earned that today. I didn't lose the weight.

Age 27 I joined a gym, bought a tub of protein powder and some expensive attire and got to it. Again, no plan, no research into routines, eating plans, but I knew I needed to lift weights this time so did that. I did the classic, tried to out train a bad diet. Do you know what though, I had some success. I lost some weight initially, I felt better. I was accidentally doing what I now know is a dirty bulk. I was building muscle, I was getting stronger, I was getting fatter though. Guess what I focused on? Yep, the number on the silver shiny thing on the floor of the bathroom. It was going up, and up. In my head I needed to stop everything, the gym was clearly not working. Fuck it. I might as well go back to before. Again, I didn't lose the weight.

New years eve, 2012. Age 28. My friend is getting married and I go to put my suit on ready.. (Why I didn't check earlier than day of I don't know) and I can't fit in it.. the trousers, the jacket wont fasten, the belt is too small. I Feel embarrassed, ashamed and frankly disgusted. I put together an outfit, swearing that my new years resolution will be to sort myself out.

I spend January 3rd 2013 sat on my laptop looking at fitness advice. I find it difficult to work out what's going to work for me, what's good advice, what's bad. I take three things away from my research.

1) I need to do 3 sets of 10 reps for every exercise

2) I need to track my food.

3) I need to work my abs every day to lose belly fat. 4) Record my progress, logs, photos, vlogs.

Back then I didn't know that a good chunk of that chose to take, wasn't actually correct, but the people on the internet looked in great shape - they clearly were right, look at them and then look at me.

However - I followed it and I got results.

I was 21 stone 3lbs / 297 lbs / 134kg at the start.

I tracked everything, how many reps I did, at what weight ( I wasn't training to failure at this stage, I wasn't aware of the premise) the calories I had (I set myself a limit of 1200 a day, again I know now this was far too low) I did a daily vlog about what I'd done that day, I took a progress photo each week and what cardio I did each day.

I did a 45 minute treadmill walk on a morning before work, I then went to the gym and did strength training after work. Rinse and repeat 6 days a week and then relax on Sundays. I had blips, but I never really had a full blown fall off the wagon, 6 months later I was down from XXXL T shirts to L or M depending on where they were from. I was very pleased. I'd lost a LOT of weight. 5 stone in total. 70 lbs or 31kg.

I started my 30th birthday the lightest I'd ever been, but things were about to fall apart again. I'll detail that in the next post. Thanks for reading.

[dangerouslyclosetothesurface]

Saturday/Sunday

This weekend we are bikepacking for the first time in many years (Salt Point in 2021 I believe was the last time). We wanted to camp in Big Basin, but ultimately ended up at New Brighton again.

We got our gear packed up the night prior, and decided that I would ride black bike (for the wider tires and the front rack), and Nate would ride Mog.

Saturday: The weather was damp and cold in the morning when we started the ride around 7:30. Nate had a slow leak on his rear tire as we were going up Skyline right outside of the city, but fortunately we were able to continue on after he jammed a Dynaplug in there and hand-pumped it to a reasonable pressure.

The ride up to water tower (what is this thing?? for years I've been referring to it as a water tower but I don't think it is one) was hard, but the descent was harder. I hate that hill. Riding through Pacifica was quiet and cold and straightforward. Then we got to the part where there's a Taco Bell Cantina and the road goes into the woods and to the tunnel? And it said *Road Closed* but we asked the Caltrans employees if we could go through and they said, there's a fatal accident up ahead with lots of emergency vehicles and cranes, but you can probably go through. So we did this and wow I've never biked this section with no cars so it was a little bit of a luxury. Then we got through the tunnel and started seeing all the emergency vehicles and I refused to look directly at that area because it was tragic and scary. Nate said there was a car stuck in the cliff that the crane was gonna pull out. Anyway that was a dark moment of the ride.

A bittersweet stroke of luck

We then stopped at Montara Lighthouse, which is now a hostel. Didn't get a lighthouse stamp, but got a photo of the lighthouse which was cool.

The slope from the 1 down to this hostel was steep. I walked down and biked up.

Next we stopped in Half Moon Bay for bike shop and a breakfast/snack. First we went to Straight Wheel Cycling, where Nate refilled his rear tire sealant and bought some ride snacks (bonk breakers!). Then we went off in search of some coffee and pastries. I was grieving the loss of the Dunkin Donuts which I used to hit up every time I was in HMB (honestly, it was my sole reason to ever stop in HMB), but we got some unfresh pastries at Moonside and continued riding.

Hand pump air refill right before HMB; then SWC.

Our next stop was Pescadero (for bread), but before that, we encountered three small challenging hills. The first one was right after Tunitas Creek Road, where a small group of cyclists led by a long silver-ponytailed asian man (henceforth known as "the sensei") were passed by Nate. I passed 3 of the 4 riders (I never passed the sensei until he stopped to wait for his group). On the second hill, which came after a long descent that I took my sweet time on, I was passed momentarily by one of the riders in the sensei group, whom I then had to pass when he ran out of steam 1 ft into the climb, but then I was passed by the sensei, and all of us were passed by this time-trial bicyclist who was zooming. Nate was far ahead and could never be caught by the sensei. The last hill I don't remember anymore why it was challenging, but nobody passed me. Good riddance! I was grinding, though. The 46x17 on black bike is harder than my usual 47x19 spin on gangster.

Anyway, we finally got to bread, which I was surprisingly underwhelmed by. A billion other cyclists were there; fortunately we staggered our departures and kept going and never crossed paths. Next we stopped at Pigeon Point Lighthouse, which was only 5 miles away. I got my stamp and read a little bit about the lighthouse (1st order Fresnel lens) and we continued on.

Currently under renovation for the next two years, after which visitors can go to the top via neverending stairs!

I remembered this last stretch from Pigeon Point to Santa Cruz to be extremely boring and neverending, and I was correct. There were a few rolling hills that took a small amount of effort, but nothing to dread or fear. It was mostly the boredom that I dreaded. We also had a decent tailwind, which really helped.

Here you can see the weather starting to change from cool and gray to warm and sunny. I enjoyed the cool weather, but the sun was a nice change!

Finally we got to Santa Cruz and I insisted on going to the UCSC Arboretum. In order to get there, I had to climb up a 10% hill, which I physically could not do, and had to walk my bike. The rest of the route was a little hilly but I pushed through the pain. Oh I should also mention that my sitbones were in great agony at this point due to the weird shape of this saddle. Anyway I was very glad to get off my bike and walk around once we got to the Arboretum.

Recently I learned that the font of highway signs is called Highway Gothic.

After about an hour of me exclaiming loudly about how much I loved the Banksia in their collection, we left and continued biking to New Brighton State Beach. The ride was kinda interesting actually! We rode through a non-tourism/boardwalk part of Santa Cruz, where there were a lot of [thrift] shops, movie theatres, stores, restaurants, and other everyday city things, which I greatly enjoyed seeing. Then we biked on Capitola Ave where we admired the residential landscaping, and finally we arrived at Capitola Village which was tourism as usual, and then the campsite. After unpacking, we ate dinner at Margaritaville (same as last time in 2020) and then retired early at campsite.

Made it, with lots of daylight to spare / Next morning

Sunday: Got up and packed up around 8? The morning was once again damp with slight drizzle. We biked to Ugly Mug coffeehouse, where the proprietor noticed I was riding fixed and told me about a fixed gear team that does AIDS LifeCycle. Their coffee cake tasted weird (Nate said kelp).

From there on we rode up Soquel San Jose Road which was 11 miles of climbing, but after that, no more climbing! We switched bikes for about a mile during the climb, which was a great relief to me. I was grinding very slowly up the endless uphill curves. I hate when ascents are curvy and you can't see the crest. I like to be able to see the end.

Up and up and up

Then we reached the descent, where I went very slowly and never used my foot brake. Then we reached Lexington Reservoir, which I HATE! Because gravel is scary to me and I hate it. I keep imagining my tire slipping off a rock that moves causes me and my whole bike to just tip over. This would obviously not happen because I am not stationary, balancing on the corner of a rock. But I am still scared.

Anyway, the gravel also sucked because I felt every single god damn pebble thanks to this saddle that literally I later found out left me with blisters. BLISTERS!

Finally we got to Los Gatos and had lunch at LUNA Mexican Kitchen in Campbell, then rode to SJ Diridon station and went home. It was a little underwhelming but I was fucking tired so I did not care to be whelmed.

Billy Jones Wildcat Railroad in Vasona Lake County park; Del Monte water tower

Right next to the Caltrain: people playing basketball blasting Linkin Park; us stopping for snacks before getting on the train.

Also in checking my personal bests on Strava apparently I did not use Strava the last time I did this ride because I only see a record of the time I rode with Conrad. Anyway who cares I'm slow it's fine.

Strava there and back

[pocket-elf]

New Years questionnaire for 2023/24

(Haven't been on tumblr much the past couple of months, nor have I done this for the past four years but hey, I'm here so lets. I know there are several in my archive. Tbh I think I probably used to use this template on Livejournal back in the day! I've made some edits through the years, including this one)

1. What did you do in 2023 that you’d never done before?  I got a job that isn't a temp thing! Sure my previous job was three years in the same place but it was a temp position. This one is solid, if I want to stay. I don't plan to in the long run but it's secure for now. I listened to a lot of new to me music as well. Other than that I don't feel there were any never-done-before type things.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don’t do resolutions but I did some crafting goals, which I did NOT keep. I did finish all my reading challenges though! For 2024 I will keep going with reading challenges but nothing else I think.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Nope.

4. Did anyone close to you die? No. My friend's mother did though so I was there for her when she needed some support.

5. What countries did you visit? Cambodia and Vietnam. And technically Denmark as the Copenhagen airport is my closest big international airport.

6. What would you like to have in 2024 that you lacked in 2023? The answer to that is always a girlfriend haha. Girls where you at? Hit me up.

7. What date from 2023 will remain etched upon your memory? I can’t remember dates like ever. But I'm trying to remember January 8th and February 4th as the two dates the emo ball started rolling properly this year. January 8th being the day I bought customs maps in Beat Saber (which really is what started it all) and February 4th being the day I took a walk into town for some candy and had the thought "What if I check out what Fall Out Boy have been up to lately" and then it all just well... really fucking snowballed.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I guess landing a job finally, that I don't detest with my whole being.

9. What was your biggest failure? I don't know. I suppose not making as much as I wanted to. That's always the case. But this year it's been very little. Probably cause my style changed so much.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I fell with my bike in May and scraped up my knees and glasses. twisted my shoulder which ende dup giving me trouble in the long run. My right knee took a while to heal from the bad surface wounds (luckily no joint damage) which but stress on my hip and made that problematic. But that cleared up with an intense round of ibuprofen and rest. Elbow is acting up though, probably from work. But I was lucky with the bike fall. Just a few weeks later a friend of my parents collided with another cyclist and ended up in the ICU with brain haemorrhage, fractured skull/ear, needing surgery for arm fractures, etc.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Oh man... I suddenly have had income to spend. Tbh I should probably say plane tickets, cause I really needed that Cambodia vacation. But also like, my whole wardrobe got an overhaul.

12. Did you try any new crafts? (new/replaced question) I made a rag rug on a big loom! It was good fun. I finished weaving in spring but then both me and mum kinda never finished the edges... I guess that's something I need to do in 2024. For the first time I also started working on a big complicated cross stitch. I've done easy things like lil text bits etc, but for my trip I decided cross stitch would be the best to bring for long flight etc as it doesn't take up much space. And ended up converting a still from the video for Black Parade which had me work with like... 10 different shades of blue or something. The main parts are done, I just need to decide what to do about all the white bits (stitches or raw aida) and how to finish the edges as that depends on how I want to display it or what to do with it after. But it was so satisfying to do!

13. Did your home change in any way? (new/replaced question) Kitchen had a big refresh with new floor, painted cabinets/drawers, and new stove/oven. I didn't start the bedroom gallery wall this year but it's been growing a bit. I did however start the living room gallery wall. Turning the lounge half of the living room (the other is sewing space) more and more kinda witchy feeling. Swapped the curtains out for dark blue velvet to go with the lamp and armchair. Got a gorgeous blanket from Disturbia to put in the armchair too so it's all really coming together.

14. Where did most of your money go? Not counting things like rent and food... probably clothes. Gods so many band shirts. No actually let's just say merch. Cause last like, couple of weeks I've bought vinyl and books and such. I did also buy a computer though... but that hasn't reached me yet.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Music. this year has been my year of emo and I love that for me.  

16. What song/album will always remind you of 2023? Oh that's hard considering everything. BUT, So Much (for) Stardust was actually released this year, and I fell hard into Fall Out Boy early enough to actually wait for the album (even if mercifully short compared to the rest of you) So probably all of the songs on that album. But Heaven, Iowa literally made me cry the first time I head it soooo

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. happier or sadder? Probably happier? At least less worried. I was actually very content not working but money runs out and I was starting to get frustrated by the near hits in interviews, and worried about not getting any more money come spring. ii. thinner or fatter?  Maybe the same? I was walking more last winter but now I bike. But something I will say though, my body image has improved a lot. Thanks emo crowd?? iii. richer or poorer? Oh for sure richer. I've had a salary! I've been able to save money.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Sewing. Spending time with friends. Definitely wish I would've played more games.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? I mean... working. But no choice in that really.

20. How will you be spending Christmas and New Years? Christmas I spent with my parents having a good dinner and watching my favourite Swedish quiz show. Very chill. It's currently 25 minutes to midnight as I type this answer. I'm in comfy clothes just chilling in bed. I'm gonna try to time Welcome To The Black Parade for a "Carry on" at midnight. EDIT: I didn't even finish this whole thing before midnight. And yes, Black Parade is absolutely perfection for this occasion.

21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with? Eron I guess? We've spent a lot of time talking in VR as well.

22. Did you fall in love in 2023? Funnily enough this was my answer in 2018, and is this year again: With music yes. 

23. Did you try any new exciting food? (there used to be a question about one night stands here but finally I am changing it) I tried to be open to new things in Cambodia. Tried a couple new fruits, really liked the classic Khmer dish loc lac, and omg in Hoh Chi Minh during our lil trip to Vietnam I found a Japanese bakery that had possibly the best pastry I've ever had... a sweet potato bun that looked like a purple sweet potato and was filled with some kind of sweet potato goo. And it was still a bit warm when I got it. Absolutely insane. Reminded me a bit of almond paste but fluffier and ofc not almond. And at the same bakery i got a hokkaido melon bun that was also heavenly.

24. What was your favourite TV programme? Our Flag Means Death

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Not hate, but I dislike some people at work and such ofc.

26. What was the best book you read? The big surprise came this summer with Where Are Your Boys tonight? by Chris Payne. First of all I was weary of the format, and second of all. if you had asked me this time last year I would NEVER have guessed a book with the subtitle The Oral History of Emo's Mainstream Explosion 1999-2008 would even enter my reading obit, let alone become the book of the year. And I knew as soon as i had read maybe half of it that it would be that, no matter what I read the second half of the year.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? I mean... just like, so much? But I guess falling properly in love with Fall Out Boy (I had listened to Save Rock and Roll for a bit back in the day but never really went back to first era or did more than give AB/AP a quick look when it came out) just gave me so much. It was what started it all and I love them dearly. I have never listened to My Chemical Romance, and I even said early this spring "At least I won't listen to My Chemical Romance" as I was falling into the FOB trap. Yeah... that did NOT hold up. At all. They're up there in the faves now.

28. What did you want and get? A new job.

29. What did you want and not get? We all know the answer to that: MCR5

30. What was your favourite film of this year? I didn't watch that many new movies that ween't like, shitty Hallmak tbh. But maybe Red, White & Royal Blue?

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 36. I worked, but left a little early to go home to my parents where my brother and niblings were visiting. So played with them, had dinner and cake.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Maybe getting a job that I was excited about and fit my wishes better than what I have. Don't get me wrong though, I am very relieved to have what I have now. I don't hate it and I get paid alright. I guess falling in love and having a happy relationship would've probably been amazing but we're not even close to anything like that so

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2023? "Oops we went a bit emo didn't we?". I used to be all about skirts and dresses. Never really wore pants. Now my go to outfit is skinny jeans and a band tee and I never thought I'd be here again (well it was never band shirts, but graphic shirts at least) My wardrobe is dark again. Dressing up for Christmas I just went full goth. I am basically going back to my youth but now I have money and can do what I want. And somehow I like my body BETTER in skinny jeans and a tee. My waist isn't even defined??? But yeah, I've always felt drawn to that like, darker alt stuff, even if it hasn't shown since high school. But whenever it pops up on instagram or what have you I go "aw, yeah... nah too much work. And for the young'uns" etc. So now when it has been realised in a form that works for me in my mid 30s it just feels... right. A homecoming of sorts. Finally here it is. It will of course change and evolve too, and I have never been a hardcore single style kind of girl anyway. But that thing that has been buried but stirring for 15 years is finally free again.

33b. Any other changes to your looks this year? Cut off my hair (I have buzzed sides now for the first time too! I've had it all buzzed and overall cut short, but never this kind of do) and we're back to bright colours. Trying partly blue for the first time and loving it. Also added two tattoos, a second big jellyfish on my left arm (which is currently healing and needs touch ups) as well as a trio of macaronies on my stomach (a souvenir from Cambodia) Also started wearing more rings on an everyday basis as well as shoved a stud earring through a half closed hole in my left ear so now I have an ear climber there, and got a cuff for the other. Also started wearing a small faux septum ring (can't pierce my nose, have to many nasal issues)

34. What kept you sane? Music and talking to people online.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I don't fancy people per se, but all them emo dads are dear to my heart.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? I am just so very tired. But gods, Palestine.

37. Who did you miss? Always friends.

38. Who was the best new person you met? I guess Daniela? She's a good coworker.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2023. Just cause you're in your mid 30s doesn't mean you can't change, or take back what you liked about your youth and had just been dormant for a while.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

I asked Jacey to help me with this and her suggestion was "I'll stop wearing black when they make a darker colour", which is hilarious considering the drastic change of my wardrobe. But there IS other colour in there. Like green. So let's go with

So paint it black and take it back Let's shout it loud and clear Defiant to the end, we hear the call

To carry on, we'll carry on

Last time (end of 2018) I added some new ones, for looking to the future:

41. What is the thing you most look forward to in 2024? I don't actually know! I have no big plans yet. So I think what I look most forward to is to see what kind of good surprises will show up. And where my musical journey will take me.

42. What is the first��thing you look forward to in 2024? Minor things: All the stuff I've ordered (and gifts from friends) arriving. Setting up the turntable I really hope I get next week, and buying a shelf/side table thing at IKEA and covering it in contact paper to make a turntable stand and emo shelf in the living room. But bigger: Callie visiting in May.

43. Any upcoming releases make you excited? I will keep hoping for MCR5. I mean they have to be working on that, I refuse to give up hope. And I'm actually curious about the new season of Doctor Who. Haven't watched that for years, but watched the anniversary eps and the Christmas special.

44. Do you have any big plans for the coming year? Like I said, no big plans! I have friends visiting in May and October. I have no idea what to do about vacation. Was thinking about a hiking week with dad but don't know. I have no tickets bought for anything. Hoping a tour with some band I like comes my way (second Europe leg of Tourdust please! I couldn't make it to Berlin. Make it closer next time)

45. What is something you want to accomplish in 2024? I would really like to go to a concert. Is that accomplishing something? I don't know. But yeah. I would really like to nail a tshirt pattern though.

Adding some stat ones:

46. Number of books read According to Goodreads, 59. Which does include a few kids books and a few comic books that weren't like full graphic novels/collections. 2022 was abysmal so my reading goal was low to start with and I increased it a few times. So I'm very happy with 59.

47. Number of movies watched Letterboxd says 64 individual ones, but with some rewatched (like watching YBC like eight times) it's 71. That does include a couple shorts, and like I said also Young Blood Chronicles. But I didn't log the Doctor Who specials that I did see the last few days some of my friends having done. Never even consider checking if they were there cause it's such a tv series kind of thing for me. If we would count those it'd be 75.

48. How was Spotify Wrapped? Top artists were Fall Out Boy (for whom I was in the 0.01% even!) and MCR. Followed by TAI, Dunes, and Gerard. I knew FOB would win when only half the year had passed cause I had done such a sound bath and didn't stop listening after that. But MCR did well. And they both fought in the top 5 songs, coming out at Love From The Other Side, Sharpest Lives, Heaven Iowa, Foundations of Decay, and 27. The last one was actually a conscious effort the last week to bump it with just a few extra listens over some Black Parade song (I Don't Love you maybe?) because it has such a special place in my heart for some reason. Genre wise Spotify really sucked this year. Somehow I didn't even get a top five which is what you should get, and instead just modern rock and pop punk. How this year has been "modern rock" I do not know. How is there no emo or at least alt rock in there? Or even like... indie or something for my lil side step to The Amazing Devil which I liked listening to at work sometimes. Or whatever they count Hozier as. I should have gotten three more genres!

45. How many tattoos are we at now? When you don't stop at two, or maaaaybe three, there is absolutely no stopping. So with two new ones this year we're at 8. 2024 will definitely bring at least another.

[tekutiger]

FFXIV Patch 6.51 !!

Good Gods a lot has been happening. I finally have a moment to stop and post something 😅

I've been tending to my own personal island, traversing a new island, braving a crazy new event that Manderville added to the Gold Saucer with these hyperactive beans?

I'll be posting a lot of screenies below, some potentially spoiler-y so... unfold the cut if you're interested.

(I'm more or less posting these for sentimental/archival purposes but) Fall Guys Event!

Very anxiety inducing at first but once I got the hang of it, not so much, and rather fun 😎. Ngl though, I did stop queueing after getting all the glamour and pets I wanted, and reaching one win 👑

I need to hop back in for a couple more things but my router is literally dying and I'm waiting for my ISP to come out to fix the issue first. A lot of people, including myself, are learning from this event that the snapshotting sucks. So, I'd really prefer to have my net fixed before attempting to queue more.

Oh!! Something I wanted to throw out there for people who don't want to run this a whole lot but want to put the Fall Guys furniture to use. If you just buy ONE piece of each thing, you can place multiple of that furniture item on your island. Go crazy and make a "fun space". I've been considering doing it, lol. Just food for thought 😋

Island Sanctuary!

I'm not even remotely done here yet. I've hit Rank 20, got the Felicitous Furball glamour, and the 100k crowrie mount/bike, but there's a 200 Felicitous Voucher mount that is going to take agesssss to acquire. I've seen some people with it already. Likely bought the vouchers off the MB or traded with friends. The going rate for those vouchers on my server is 90k-95k each (atm). Buying all 200 of them would make the mount 19m (currently). I'll be patient and slowly earn them, lol 😋

Aloalo Island!

Okay, I'll just be transparent here. I love the Variant Dungeons 🥰. Maybe Zenos wasn't wrong when he was blabbing on about how I'm an adventurer looking for a challenge, or a test of skill. I feel like Variant Dungeons do that decently enough to keep me in a good place (don't get rusty), but don't push me too much to be annoyed (*cough*fliptables*cough*). I'm not a raider- I'm not OP. But I do like a little push or a challenge here and there.

So, for me, I see these as fun, with rewards that are worth the time and effort.

I cannot say the same for the Criterion version of them however. I haven't done them and I see a lot of people raging over the terrible rewards. If it's that many people, it's worth looking into and from what I have heard, they're right to be upset.

If you need raid gear to do Variant Dungeon and the reward gear is under or on par with the raid gear that's needed to do it- that's a huge no. I don't have all the facts or experience to know first hand how true that is though 🤷🏻‍♀️

Posting these 👆🏻 because this is my favorite path. I've always loved mimics and had this slight obsession with them since I played Ragnarok Online many years ago (my first MMO ever).

Silly little treasure chests, you're so evil and cute 💝

(Coulda sworn I got a screenie with the parasol but I cannot find it 🙃. Same with the new hair on my female bun... might edit it in later but probably not.)

Edit: (I'm editing one in at least 🙃)

❘✧༻༺༻༺‿︵‿༻༺✧*̥˚‿︵‿ °∘❉∘°‿︵‿*̥˚✧༻༺‿︵‿༻༺༻༺✧❘

World of Warcraft: Retail (The War Within, Worldsoul Saga)

So, totally unrelated to FFXIV, but also related in a way... my BFF's BF talked her into playing WoW again, and she talked me into playing WoW again, lol (with the help of the cinematic). It's been FOUR years since I've played.

The reason I say it's "related in a way" is because I want to still play FFXIV at the same time and upkeep my FFXIV 'muscle memory'. I started doing the Loporrit Dailies recently - need to continue doing that. I still need to hit Series Level 25 in PvP - so I'll continue doing those daily. I need to continue getting my Island Sanctuary Felicitous Vouchers. And lastly, I began doing the weekly Custom Deliveries for Anden and Margrat. I intend to finish those for the Glamour and Mount. (It boggles my mind how people can say "I'm bored" in FFXIV. There's SO MUCH to do, always. Just admit that you're not bored, you're lazy 😑.)

If the muscle memory thing doesn't make sense, here's an example: It's when you drop/neglect one game for so long (let's call it Game A) to start playing another (Game B), that you completely forget the controls or lose the reflexes you once had for Game A, because you're too consumed living in Game B. I do not want that.

Just thinking about returning to WoW, I feel a bit overwhelmed. All of us used to play Horde for the majority of our gametime (my BFF and her BF, & some of my other friends who've quit). But before I quit, I was trying to make the permanent swap to Alliance (played Alliance for about a year). She's still playing Horde with her BF so I won't be playing with her unless I continue to play Horde. I'll need to find an Alliance server. It'll be cool if I can find a guild that has people who play both WoW & FFXIV. I need to look up which addons I'll need. I fear for all the crap I left in my inventory LOL.

But mainly. When I saw that new cinematic with Thrall and Anduin my heart broke. Anduin has gone through so much trauma in the time I have been away. All I could think about was "Wtf did they do to my King?" And now I feel like I'm crawling my way back and I'm over my head on how to do it. I need to know what happened to him.

(In BfA,) Azeroth turned into a joke and I was isekai'd away Anduin, I'm so sorry 😭. I'll bring some of the light back with me and give it to you, from Eorzea 💖

(FFXIV x WoW collab, when?)

[shenevertricks1831]

(eddie munson x reader)

part 1. Sept 1984

TRICK'S TREATS (Author Notes)

This will be a multipart piece of the history of Eddie x Reader (if you'd like to know more about my reader, or how I write and have based them let me know!) This will cover various aspects of their relationship. From first meeting, to their friendship, parts of season 2 and 3 involving Y/N...I'm actually very nervous and anxious to post this, probably because for the first time in ages I've fallen for a character and a passion and a drive to write for them. So please be nice lol. This will all kind of be a shameless self insert and I'm so sorry...also an offical title is pending.

Triggers- not much for this part, mentions of divorce, uhm eddie being a little perry maybe lol uhm flirty and flustered eddie

Pt1 Sept.1984

Eddie Munson sat on his porch smoking. He watched as a uhaul pulled up to the trailer next to his uncles. Apparently someone finally bought the damn thing. He was intrigued when a short blond woman got out of the uhaul's driver seat. Then his interest truly peaked when she stepped out of the passenger seat. She had black high top Converse, black bike shorts that made his pants shamefully tight, and a fucking Motley Crue cropped t-shirt, holy shit! Then as his eyes wondered up he found the cherry on top. Her hair. Her fucking hair. It was teased, and curled, big. She looked like she could be a groupie, or a fucking centerfold. God and her fucking face, she was perfect. He should not be this fucking turned on just looking at a girl while he's sitting on his porch.

*thwump*

His uncles hand lightly smacks the back of his head. Shit when had his uncle even came out here? He hadn't even realized, to enthralled with the girl who was apparently his new neighbor. Lucky him, he thought.

"Come on, are you gonna stand there gawking all day or are you gonna come with me and offer these ladies a hand?" His uncle spoke in a gruff yet amused voice.  Eddie hopped to his feet quickly following his uncle the short distance over to the next trailer. Uncle Wayne went to talk to the blonde woman, presumably the mother. Eddie made his way around to the back of the uhaul, to you, but he didn't see you. So he peaked to the side of the uhaul with the passenger door; and there he saw her, bent over the seat leaning in to grab something. He didn't realize he was staring again, not until you climbed down from the vehicle and looked at him.

"Hey perv." You said flatly. Eddie blushed furiously and quickly tried to apologize. "I am so sorry! I just came over looking for you, and you weren't in the back so I just peaked over here," oh God he knows he's rambling, but he can't stop himself, "and you where there, and ya know, well uhm, it's, uh, it's very," he paused, guestering with his hands, rounding them as though he were cupping her ass, "uh, n-nice..it's nice. D-did you need help with your boxes?" Eddie finally shuts up, he is red, beet fucking red. And then he notices, she's blushing too. It's silent for a moment. Oh God he fucked up, he has officially ruined any minuscule chance he might have had. He is ok the verge of just leaving, and then he hears it. She laughs, no, giggles; and its the most beautiful sound Eddie has ever heard. Has he died? Did he just die of embarrassment, but then wind up in his own personal heaven? He knew in that second that he was going to marry her one day. He didn't know how or when, and that didn't matter right now; but you were his future wife.

"Your funny." Y/N smiles at him,."You remind me of my cousin a little." She notices his face drop just the slightest bit at that. "But I do have to day you're cuter than she is." You smirked. Eddie finally fully snaps back to reality. "Hold on," he states as he rushes back behind the back of the uhaul, "let's try this again!" He shouts to her before walking back over to her again, leaning against the vehicle. "So, where's a pretty girl like you from?" He asks trying to flirt, and oh my god! She actually blushes again, but still quips back. "Hawkins." She states, in a bored tone.

"No, no, no," Eddie shake his head, "I'd remember a girl like you." He looks down noting the Motley Crue top, not the average for most hawkins girls.

"Well then maybe your memory sucks Munson." She laughs before it turns into a sigh. His eyes widened, holy shit she knew him, she wasn't bullshitting. "So why don't I know you?" He asked, genuinely curious, but not expecting the answer she gave.

"I was born and raised here, but my mom and i moved to Georgia 3 years ago, then she got divorced, so.." She held her hands out in a 'here we are now' type motion.

"How old are you?" He asks, trying to do the math of how old he was 3 years ago and how he might know her, he doesn't remember her. She chuckles. "I'm 17, grade younger than you. But don't worry Eddie, I wont expect you to remember me, I was different years ago." She puts her hand out towards him. "Y/N Buckley." She introduces herself and he grasps her hand to shake it. They both pause, it's electric; but neither knows how to act on this. So they awkwardly pull away, and silently shift till Eddie speaks again. "So, uh, w-would you like some help with your boxes?" She nods. "Y-ya, that'd be great." She smiled at him.

[moon-lixie]

about a letter left to be found and a boy who disappeared into thin air.

word count: 2.046k

genre: slight angst

song: 말할 수 없는 비밀 (Secret Secret) - Stray Kids

I don't think any of you would be able to understand, not even if I sit down and speak all of my truths. Still, I think I owe an explanation.

With trembling hands he gathered his things, the notebooks filled with dreams spilling from the edges of every page, his favourite hoodies, the pair of bright red headphones he had since the beginning of high school.

From the open window a cold breeze came in and ruffled the slightly damp hair of the boy, paying special attention to the ends that were still clamped together due to the dampness.

He wasn't exactly in a hurry, but he still felt nervous and anxious, because even if it was almost impossible, at the back of his mind he was haunted by the idea of someone coming in and stopping him.

Moving quickly he reached down for the towel hanging around his shoulders and ruffled his hair a couple of times more until he felt satisfied.

First of all, I have no idea where I am going but know that I'm fine.

A loud sigh caressed his lips as it escaped, filling the room that he had always called his own, his little world nobody could disrupt because in between the forgotten comics and the piles of clothes sprawled here and there he had felt more at home than he has ever felt anywhere else.

Throwing the towel to the basket of dirty laundry at the end of the hallway, he finally finished everything he had to do, simply being left with staring at himself in the mirror and fixing the wild strands of hair that had been upset by the freshly washed hoodie hugging his torso.

He could barely muster a smile at his reflection, not because he was sad, but because it all felt surreal in a sense that left him wondering if it was still the middle of the night many years ago and the last years had been nothing but the hopeful dreams of his younger self.

Maybe it's a bit selfish of me to simply leave without a warning, but please understand that I want much more than this place could ever offer me.

He closed the front door of his house, locking it with the pair of keys his mother had given him once he turned twelve; they were still held together by the Pororo keychain he had bought one day after school with such an overwhelming excitement that made the memory pull at the corners of his lips.

It felt bizarre to walk away from the entrance of his home knowing that he was never really going to come back, that this was the last time.

Just like the very first time he had arrived there along with a moving truck packed with boxes and furniture, he felt breath leave his lungs at the sight of the white façade. It made him stop for a second and contemplate in utter silence.

Goosebumps coated the length of his arms once he turned around and kept moving forward at a steady pace, leaving his old bike behind as well.

Know that the decision to leave wasn't made in a haste, I've been thinking about it for long and now just seemed like the perfect time.

Mr. Kim lazily waved in his direction, gentle smile and downturned eyes with the familiar brown that reminded Jisung of his grandfather; maybe that's where he would go next, to visit his grandfather.

Without much thought he returned the sweet and familiar greeting, feeling a bit nostalgic when he thought back to all the summers that he had spent working with the man in his garden.

Back then a young Jisung had been happy to make a few bucks while getting to stay out all day in the yard playing with bugs and with the sun kissing the skin of his chubby cheeks and legs that weren't covered by his favourite pair of green shorts.

He couldn't help but wonder where had all that time run to because despite being the one who lived through it, he could barely make sense or when had he ended up where he was.

Time moved too fast and without a warning, it left everyone wondering.

It isn't easy to leave my whole life behind but it feels right, the mere idea makes me feel lighter because who knows who I'll get to be when I get to the end of my journey.

Perhaps I'll be braver, a little bit smarter, more mature, maybe even a couple of centimetres taller.

He could walk the streets with his eyes closed and still know where every bump and crack was in the sidewalk, he could still point where his old school was, where the closest convenience store stepped in his way and as usual tempted him to buy a snack even on those days were his pockets were empty and his tummy full.

From there he knew his way to everywhere else in town, he even knew how long it would take him to get to said places on foot or with his trusty bike.

It all felt too easy and familiar, too comfortable, and those things weren't bad at all but Jisung thought he had had enough of them. He craved discovering himself inside the walls of another place so foreign that every single one of his truths were only known by himself.

Was it silly? That he thought a change of scenery would make him a new person, one much more alike to who he truly was.

Sometimes talking to someone isn't enough, because you don't think they'll understand, you know they won't. That's why I never said anything about the deepest desires looming in my heart or the biggest fears that tied me down for as long as I can remember.

All the interrogations running leaps around his mind made him walk faster, filling him with the same dreadful excitement he felt every first day of school, one that mixed with nervousness and fear.

He wasn't sure if starting fresh would let him be someone whose fears didn't weigh upon his heart so harshly, he wasn't sure if he would get to be the person he had always wished he could be but he could only hope.

Hope had been what drove him this far and today he was giving it full control of where his feet moved to, control over how his next day would look like or where he would wake up the next day.

Never in his life had he felt more ready to wander around by himself.

But I guess, since I'm going, it's only fair that I try to sit down and talk to someone, hoping that they will understand even if my words are scarce and there will be nobody to talk back to at the end of this letter.

On the horizon the sun rushed to slumber, leaving a comforting lilac pooling around the clouds and making them stand out even more.

Night hovered over his shoulders making him breathe with much more ease because if there was something that portrayed hope and tomorrow with an uncanny resemblance and lack of effort, it was the night sky with its endless stars and its shining moon.

In his childhood days he had discovered that there was no better cure for uncertainty and a nostalgic heart than staring up at the night sky; there was something about it that made him feel like time stopped for an instance, that time wasn't quite as unforgiving while the veil of darkness covered everything.

If he could go anywhere he wanted —which he was already doing— he would wish to go to the sky, not the endless and uncertain space, but the idea of the sky that humans have in their ignorance, a canvas that goes no further than our eyes can see.

Ever since I can remember I've felt like there was a place for me somewhere out there, a place I always called home without knowing what it really was.

It wasn't like I didn't feel at home here, there was just a feeling in my chest that told me out there I could feel completely free in the way I've always craved.

For him it had always felt unfair, how everyone got to live and walk around without the things that kept him back. Of course when he grew older he understood that everyone had their own problems but sometimes that was easy to ignore when one's own darkness loomed around their heart.

He had spent many years wishing, praying to whoever was listening, that he could just be himself without the voices in his head and the uncertainties that made every single one of his steps be cautious.

Nobody seemed to have listened as years went by and things got harder, still, he never gave up and even though he could never really say that there was nothing else bothering him he could at least say that he had everything under control.

If time is unforgiving it also is healing, and for him it had healed many wounds that couldn't be seen.

Unknowingly I spent a lot of time wanting to go to that place, craving to find where it was.

Some years ago I understood that it perhaps wasn't a place but a version of myself that could bring such soothing feelings. That's where I'm going to, that's why I have no destination.

He wanted to believe that nothing had been planned, that his savings carefully stuffed at the bottom of his backpack had just been him being responsible about his money and having enough for the impulsiveness that one day had won over reason and had driven him to this adventure.

He wanted to pretend but it was stupid to do now, there was nobody around to judge him or question his motives, so there was no use in not being honest with himself.

Thinking back to all those evenings spent running around the small restaurant in which he had found a job, he could see that perhaps this plan had been many years in the making.

Unconsciously he had always been hoping for a moment like this, a moment of unadulterated freedom.

Hopefully I do get there, hopefully I get to be happy and everyone I left behind does too.

The journey to happiness, to authenticity, to being unapologetically himself, had taken him to the airport, another thing that wasn't as spontaneous as he had tried to make it seem.

Passport in hand and trembling self, the whiteness of the place and the various people walking back and forth made him realise that this was really going on, he was really leaving.

For the first time in his life overthinking had no place in his plans.

I wish to be who I am meant to and disappearing was perhaps the thing I had always been destined to do. A boy who disappeared into thin air, that's who I am, a boy with secrets that weigh down on my heart and that I'm unwilling to carry with me on this journey.

Approaching the desk he was met with a young woman, in her mid twenties or early thirties, sweet but practised smile covering her lips as she recited the words that he must've learned a long time ago when she first started working there.

"I want a ticket for the next flight available," Jisung said, offering a reassuring smile after the confused look the woman gave him.

He looked around as the sounds of typing filled his ears and before he had time to start regretting something the ticket had been placed on his palm and his savings were short by a considerable amount.

I'm afraid that wasn't much of an explanation but it was my truth.

Good luck and see you whenever we're meant to cross paths.

The last thing he saw before falling asleep were the clouds from above and the sky now completely dark like the many nights he had wondered where he belonged.

Now he had an answer, he belonged wherever he felt free and right then in that comfortable plane seat he felt the freest he had ever been.

[cherryobx]

Environmentalists//Kiara Carrera x reader

request:

summary: You are an environmentalist who moves to the Outer Banks. When Kiara hears about you, she knows she has to meet you.

warnings: language (1 word lol), fluff, kissing ig

WC: 1,7k

(not my gif, creds to the owner!!!)

You had been planning on moving for a while now. You wanted a quieter life away from big cities and cars honking every two seconds. You hated it. You absolutely hated it. You had known since you were a little girl that this wasn't the life for you.

You were luckily quite wealthy and you had enough money to start a new life somewhere else. When you talked to your parents about moving, they were very supportive of the idea. You told them about where you wanted to move and that you wanted to build your own house there. You had enough money so why not.

So, you quit your job in the city, packed most of your belongings with you and moved to the Outer Banks. Kildare to be specific. The decision to move there wasn’t hard. You had visited the place a few years back and you fell in love with it. It was the most beautiful place to you in the whole world.

When you first arrived there you checked out the property you had bought. The work there had already begun and the fundamentals of the house were already there. It was a good idea to start the process of building before you had even arrived. Your dad had helped you hire a group of people who knew what they were doing but you wanted to hire a few locals as well.

The one thing you decided on was that you wanted to stay on your property while it was being built. So, you rented yourself a caravan to live in.

When JJ and John B saw that there was a really good job opportunity, they decided to take it. The place they needed to work at wasn’t even far away from the chateau so it was the perfect job for them.

“Hey! You’re JJ and John B, right?” you asked the two boys who were walking up to you. They both gave you a confirming nod.

“Yay, I remembered your names,” you giggled. “So the guys are already working over there,” you pointed towards them, “so go over there and ask them what you have to do. And if you want to drink some water or eat some snacks, I set up a table for you all as well. If you have any questions I’ll be in that caravan.”

John B and JJ gave each other a look. It was their first day, they hadn’t even done anything yet, but you were being so unbelievably nice to them. It was something new for them since their other bosses in the past had treated them like shit.

A few months passed and the house was coming together. You had some finishing touches you still needed though. Like solar panels.

You were an environmentalist and doing everything in your power to change the world for the better. But it was hard because humanity had already done so much damage that it was really hard to make anything happen. However, you really tried. Change happens with one person at a time - a sentence you liked to live by.

“Yes, just put them over there for now. We’ll deal with them on Monday. It’s too late anyways. Go home, get some sleep.” You stood by and gave orders as the builders carried the panels one by one. Once they were finished, everyone went home.

“How does she have that much money though? That’s my question,” JJ said, opening the fridge and taking out two bottles of beer, offering one to his friend.

“Her parents are probably rich.” John B shrugged as he took the beer from JJ and popped the cap off.

“Yeah, but like solar panels?”

“What solar panels?” Kie asked as she walked into the kitchen. It was Friday night. That’s when they got together with the pogues to just drink and hang out. Pope was on his way as well.

She hopped onto one of the counters, very interested in the answer that was about to come. “You know that girl who moved here a few months back, our boss?”

“You mean the one who’s building her own house?”

“Yeah, her. She bought solar panels and they arrived today. We’re setting them up on Monday.” Suddenly Kie became very fascinated by her friends’ boss.

“What is she like?” she asked.

“Really nice. The best boss ever, for sure,” JJ said, taking a swig from his bottle.

John B continued. “Umm she’s a few years older than us. Sometimes she sits close where we are, watches us work and just talks to us. She’s an environmentalist, so the house we’re building is really energy efficient. And yes, she’s the best boss. She pays us generously and we get the right amount of breaks. She even gets us snacks and water. I don’t really know, that’s about it.”

“She sounds really cool. Can I come with you on Monday?” Kie asked, a hopeful look on her face. As soon as John B said that you were an environmentalist she knew she had to meet you. There weren’t many girls like you on the island. Plus, you seemed to be super awesome. She could use someone like you in her life.

“Uhh I don’t know.” John B looked at JJ and he looked back at him smirking. “Kie, you haven’t even met her and you’re already crushing on her.”

Kie rolled her eyes. “Ugh, shut up. Can I come or not?”

They agreed, so on Monday Kiara walked to work with them. She was nervous to say the least. JJ had been right. She hadn’t even seen or met you but she was already hooked. She had fixed her hair at least 10 times before getting there.

“Calm down, Kie,” JJ chuckled, patting Kie on the back.

Then she saw you and she swore her heart stopped beating for a second. You were nothing like she had imagined. You were even more beautiful. She loved the way your hair was moving in the light morning breeze or how you smiled and gestured with your hands as you were talking to your employees. It was like your smile was brighter than the sun. She was so invested in watching you, she almost tripped.

To her luck, JJ caught her just in time. “Relax, Romeo.”

As they walked closer, you finally noticed them coming towards you. You were a bit confused, seeing a girl with them. You smiled and waved at them. They waved back.

“Good morning, John B and JJ!”

“Good morning!” The boys said in unison, making you laugh.

“And who are you?” you turned to Kiara with a warm simile. “I’m Kiara,” she introduced herself, offering you a hand to shake which you did.

“I’m Y/N.” Kiara smiled as she repeated your name under her breath.

“Well, we better go...you know...do some work and stuff.” JJ and John B ran off as you and Kiara stayed back.

“So, what brings you here today?” you asked.

“Umm, I’m friends with John B and JJ and they told me a little about you. They told me that you are an environmentalist?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Me too! When they told me about you I knew I had to meet you. There aren’t many activists around here so…”

“They told you about me?”

“Yeah. I heard them talking about some solar panels and then it led to the conversation about you. They told me great things about you.”

You and Kiara talked for almost an hour before she asked if you’d been to her parents' restaurant. You told her that you hadn’t.

“Well, I can take you there if you’d like to.” She was really hoping that you want to.

“Sure, I haven’t had breakfast yet anyway.”

You grabbed your bike and told Kie to sit on the rack of your bicycle. You didn’t have a car and the reason was simple. You didn’t need one. Why buy a car and waste money on gas (which is harmful to the environment) when you could just use your bicycle to get around. The island wasn’t that huge.

Kie was hesitant at first but you told her that you’d get there quicker. Then she finally agreed to get on the bike. “Wrap your arms around me.” Kie’s heart started beating faster as she did so. You were so close to each other now.

You two rode to the Wreck in about 20 minutes. The silence was comfortable around you two. It was like you’d known each other for years. In reality, it’d been an hour. Well, that’s probably what it was like to meet someone you’re so similar to, someone you connect with.

After eating, Kie took you to her favourite places on the island. You two spent the entire day together. You really liked her. She had this specific energy that matched yours. You felt like you had found the one.

The day ended with you two sitting on the edge of a dock, watching the sunset. You leaned closer to Kie and rested your head on her shoulder. It was a beautiful moment. A one you were sure you’d cherish forever.

Kie smiled. She was happy. Like really happy. She hadn’t felt like this in a while. She liked you as well and really hoped that the feelings were mutual. It was a once-in-a-lifetime thing to find a person you liked like this. She had known you for only a day but she could imagine a future with you.

So when you rose your head to look at Kie, she shot her shot.

She pressed her lips against yours and gave you a short and sweet kiss that left her wanting more now once she’d tasted your lips.

When she pulled away, you had a shocked expression on your face. You weren’t expecting that. But you liked the butterflies it gave you.

“Oh shit! I’m so sorry. I thought-”

You shut her up by kissing her again, but this time deeper. The butterflies in your belly flew at a rapid speed as your lips moved against each other. She placed her hand on your cheek to pull you in even closer.

The kiss ended when you ran out of air and needed a breath. Your foreheads rested against each other as you were catching your breath.

This felt right. All of it. You couldn’t wait for what destiny had planned for you two.

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[agustdiv1ne]

candy hearts — TEASER

♡ READ HERE ♡

pairing: choi yeonjun x reader

genre: childhood best friends to lovers au, fluff, angst

wc: tbd (projected to be 10k+)

summary: spending valentine's day with your best friend had become a sort of tradition for ever since you were seven years old. despite the twists and turns in your friendship as both of you grew up, the one thing that never changed was the box of candy hearts that he placed in your hands every year.

warnings: tbd, none in this snippet

TEASER

tuesday, february 14th; age 12

you leaned your head against your palm as you zoned out in your last period class. science had never been your favorite subject, even less so given that your teacher had been informally dubbed the school's wack job. 

as the day had dragged on, you realized that the holiday wasn't as widely celebrated in middle school. the so-called 'special' day was reserved solely for the few couples on campus, most of which had been dating for only a couple weeks. you bet most would be broken up by next month, the typical cycle for immature, hormone-riddled relationships. 

but back to your science class.

you felt your eyes nearly roll into your skull as your teacher excitedly explained the concept of genetics and punnet squares. what a riveting topic to listen to for an hour on valentine's day. however, you couldn't focus on his boisterous ramblings when your mind was chock-full of bitter thoughts of how your best friend had decided that he couldn't be seen with you at school. 

okay, maybe not back to your science class. you were too distracted, too bothered, to concentrate.

because while yeonjun had promised to not leave you behind in middle school, it grew exceedingly obvious, as the year went on, that he had lied straight to your face. this holiday was only a painful reminder of that fact.

you couldn't entirely blame him, though, the vast sea of middle school causing you to slowly drift apart from each other as you both tried to find where you fit in. he had made new friends easily, the shy boy you once knew emerged from his shell, countless peers recognizing him for his impressive talents in baseball, in dance, in singing, the list could go on. he was good at everything that he tried his hand at, and by the middle of seventh grade, he had become the campus' golden boy. even the eighth graders knew him!

this came with a cost, however, and that was leaving you, his best friend of five years, behind (for the most part, at least).

you had found your own friends, of course. you had to, or else you would have been deemed a loner, and no one wants to be a loner in middle school. it was uncomfortable, having to talk to people you had never interacted with beforehand. despite this, you had found yourself a little group through your art class: yeri, chaeyoung, and yuqi. they had welcomed you into their trio easily. though it felt weird to have friends other than yeonjun for the first time, you were happy. well, uh, besides the whole yeonjun thing.

with only one class with him, it was easy to not speak to each other during school. your hangouts were now confined to after school, when he wasn't surrounded by his new friends and could make time for you. you never tried to talk to him about it, scared that he'd twist your words and it would destroy what semblance of friendship that remained between you. honestly, you wished that you could go back to elementary school, when things were easier, when you could talk to him at school without worrying about the consequences of doing so. 

yet you knew it wasn't that easy. this wasn't elementary school anymore.

your eyes subconsciously trailed over to the boy in question. you were supposed to hang out with him after school, but there was always that one insecurity that rattled around your mind:

what if this was the year that he finally blew you off? for good? 

you shook your head, going back to the worksheet your teacher had passed out as you were distracted by your thoughts. punnet squares, okay. one parent with a dominant and recessive gene, one parent with two recessive genes. now fill in the squares…

"hey, y/n."

your head shot up from at the sound of his voice. eyes wide at the fact that he was speaking to you at school. it had been months since he had last done so.

"oh, hi yeonjun. what did you need?" you sent him a tight smile, not that he noticed. twelve year-old boys were never most observant.

he placed a box of candy hearts, the same thing he gifted you every year, on top of your desk. it was blank, no message or name in sight.

"i wanted to give you this before i forgot and it got crushed in my backpack." his voice quietened, almost as if he didn't want anyone to hear what he had to say next, "we're still hanging out after school, right? like we always do?"

you nodded, and he shot you a small smile, "great, thanks."

he walked away. as soon as he sat back down in his seat, his friends were punching at his shoulder, teasing him, asking him if he was dating you. you could hear it all from where you were sitting, but you wished you couldn't after what he said next.

"me? with her? no way, we're just friends. i could never see her like that."

you never truly realized how much he truly meant to you until you no longer hung out until after school, but this? this hurt. it made your chest ache when you saw his borderline disgusted face at the insinuation that you were dating each other. what was so bad about you for him to have that reaction? was it your hair, your face, your acne? you found yourself mentally paging through every possible flaw you saw in yourself until the bell rang, signalling the end of school. 

yuqi walked up to you at the front of campus, immediately spotting the forlorn look on your face, "hey, you good?"

"uh, yeah, i guess. listen, i have to go meet up with yeonjun. catch you later?" you asked.

"yeonjun, huh? are you sure you're not dating him?" she smirked, and you rolled your eyes, your mood worsening even more.

"we're just friends," you spat, turning away from her, "he'd never like me like that, anyway. i have no chance with him. i'll see you later, yuqi."

the further you walked, the worse you felt about how you spoke to yuqi. she didn't deserve to deal with the brunt of your wrath, it was uncalled for. you wanted to run back to school and apologize, but you were sure she had already been picked up.

you'd have to make it up to her tomorrow.

as you neared the supermarket a few blocks down the street from school, you could see yeonjun waiting near the entrance, his foot tapping against the sidewalk impatiently. his bike sat next to him, which explained how he arrived much earlier than you.

"took you long enough," he teased as you approached, but you didn't answer, only sending him a half-hearted smile in return. his grin fell, eyebrows now furrowed. oh, now he noticed how you were feeling? typical. "you okay?"

that was the second time you had been asked that now. you wanted to say no, you definitely were not okay, that it hurt to hear him say those words earlier, that it hurt that you couldn't even talk to him during school. you wanted to tell him that you felt abandoned, you wanted to tell him that he broke the promise he made a year ago, that ever since the first day of seventh grade you felt left behind. you wanted to ask him why he even bothered hanging out with you when he couldn't bother even speaking to you at school.

but you didn't.

instead, you plastered an artificial smile on your face, trying to make your voice sound a little more energetic than you felt, "yeah! i guess i'm just tired. science wasn't exactly fun today, y'know?"

"tell me about it," he laughed as he walked beside you, easily accepting your excuse without prying. you wished that he would have pried. "he's the weirdest teacher i've ever had, i can't believe he hasn't been fired yet."

"right?" you replied as you walked down the aisle full of candy. you picked out one of the overpriced boxes of heart-shaped chocolates before walking up to the register. you tried to hand some of your money to the lady helping you, but yeonjun swatted your hand away.

"nuh-uh, you're not paying for this," he argued.

"but-"

"no."

you visibly deflated, scrunching your nose at him in distaste. he simply grinned at you in response.

"ah, young love," the cashier sighed as she took yeonjun's money. your heart clenched, thanking her before you two walked outside again, the air cool against your skin, the sun glaring into your eyes, the weather the complete opposite of your mood. you glanced over at yeonjun. you wondered why he hadn't protested when she said that. you didn't ask.

his hand found yours, dragging you around the corner behind the building. your heart raced, skin heating up slightly at the contact. your reaction couldn't have meant anything. no, you couldn't like him like that. you were friends, nothing more, nothing less.

as you sat next to each other behind the supermarket, unwrapping and eating the chocolate that he had bought you just a few minutes ago, you realized that you really couldn't deny it anymore: you were in love with choi yeonjun, your best friend, and you couldn't do anything about it.

hope y'all are excited :) if you would like to be tagged when the full fic is posted, please send me an ask!

→ © to agustdiv1ne. do not copy, repost, steal, and/or translate.

[unpaidoscorpintern]

I'll tell you my sins (you can sharpen your knife)

pairing: Harry Osborn (Kindred)/Mary Jane Watson; a hint of Harry Osborn (Kindred)/Peter Parker (Spider-man)

rating: 18+

words: 2400

content warning: exhibitionism, voyeurism, creepy crawlies acting like tentacles for a hot minute, teratophilia since Kindred is a demonic entity

summary: Kindred serves Spider-man his just desserts; or, a p0rn parody of The Amazing Spider-Man #55

disclaimer: The following story was written before the publication of The Amazing Spider-Man #73

Memories are for photo albums. They're impressions on the back of our retinas, polaroids developed in the darkest corners of our minds. Turn on the light and they're forever tainted, a splash of color and a smudge of sentiment. You can't trust memories. Scars, on the other hand? Scars never lie.

I've collected more than a few in my time. That’s why my knees never really looked the same after my first bike ride. Dad was there until he wasn't. You see, he thought that letting go of the bike, letting go of his own son, would break me at first, then thicken my skin. But skin never heals back quite the same way, does it, Pete?

"Did you meet any famous dead people in that hellhole you crawled out of, Har? You know, like Dr. Freud?"

"Easy, Tiger." I can hear Mary Jane hissing beside me, towards you, across the table, through cobweb and candlelight. "Play nice."

"I'm done playing, MJ," you spit, through bloody teeth and dried tears. "There's pieces of my brain still splattered on that far wall over there from our earlier game. I'm done playing his fucking games."

Games? There's no playing at the dinner table, kids. Now, where was I?

"You were just about to let her go." You speak up again, desperation drowning out your ire. "Let them all go. It's me you have unfinished business with, or whatever the dead want outta the living."

Jealous, Pete? I must say, it’s a good look for you. But don't you worry, ol' buddy. I'm not done with you yet. Though Mary Jane and I do have something - what did you call it again? Ah, yes. Unfinished business. I'll get back to you as soon as I-

Is that...is that laughter I hear? Hallow and heaving, it still bounces off these old mausoleum walls, echoing in my ears and scrapping at an old scab. An old scar. What's so funny, huh? You mind sharing with the rest of the table?

"You, ol' buddy. I mean, I shouldn't be surprised since you're one of the only people who made me laugh when I wanted nothing more than to slit my own throat, but, still. Is this about what happened back at ESU? Is this about MJ breaking up with you?"

It's about you, Pete. About the choices you made. Every single one - from coming between Mary Jane and me to hiding my father's issues from his son - were all the wrong ones. If you had chosen otherwise, if you had been any less selfish, Gwen - I can see a blond head bobbing, but I'm talking about my Gwen - well, she wouldn’t be-

"Fuck you, Harry!"

Ah, there it is! Anger looks even better on you, Pete!

"You think I haven't spent every day blaming myself for what happened that night? You think I don't go over my own choices over and over again, questioning every decision I ever made to figure out which domino fell first?"

Yet again, there's nothing that doesn't look good on you, Pete. Why don't you try some responsibility for a change?

"Responsibility? You want to talk about responsibility? You're the one who's dangling the life of the woman I love right in front of me-"

Mary Jane opens her mouth, her sweet breath a summer breeze through the still air. "Peter-"

You're boiling, spilling over. Tears and spit, blood and grime, and you still look good. I bet you could even make maggots look good.

"And you want to act like you're better than me? Look at yourself! You are your father's son! Daddy's little fucking monster-"

If I'm a monster, then it's because that's what you made me.

"Harry," Mary Jane jumps out of her seat, following your lead.

You had help, of course. My help. Every other itsy bitsy gets a hand, too. Well, a centipede. They all get to swing in the air one last time before they-

"Harry!"

Dinner's over, Pete. It's time for your just desserts.

"It's m-me you want, Har-"

When you're right, you're right. I want you to confess your sins.

"So let them-AH! Let them go."

Maybe a little knock on the head will jog your memory. How about another? Now? Confess. Confess your sin. The deadliest. Confess.

"Har-"

"He doesn't remember." Mary Jane, I can see your knees barely keeping themselves from bucking. Yet, here you are, standing between the ol' Pumpkin Eater and me. "Whatever it is that he did, whatever sin he has yet to confess to, he doesn't remember."

Oh, don't you worry your pretty little bottom lip! He will remember, if it's the last thing he'll do! I've got tens of legs to crawl all over him and an eternity to spare. Come the end of time, he will repent.

"How many times have you tried torturing a confession out of him? You should know that hurting him won't work."

What're you suggesting? I can hear the tamed tremor in your voice, the slight shudder running down your spine, the booming beating of your heart. Yet, here you are, approaching me, one steady step in front of the other.

"Hurting me, however-"

"MJ-"

Are you hearing this, Pete, or is the blood already leaking out of your ears?

"Hurting me, the woman he loves, that should do it, right?"

"MJ!"

I’ll take that as a yes. You heard everything, but do you understand what it means? Do you, Mary Jane, understand what this all means? Look at them! It’s hard, I know, but look at them! Look at what I’m doing to them! I’m squeezing the life out of them for now, but centipedes can sting, too. Did you know that? They’re venomous. I could fill them with poison, watch them trash about as it clogs their veins! Is this what you want for them? Is this what you want for yourself? I can see it in your eyes - your beautiful eyes - that you can’t stand the sight of them in pain. So, tell me, Mary Jane, what makes you think that I can stand the sight of you in pain?

“Then you haven’t forgotten-”

That night, on the bridge? Mary Jane, how could I forget?

“I was scared out of my mind, but you said something which calmed me down. Those same words gave me the strength to come here. You remember, don’t you, Harry? Harry, you said that you-”

I loved you, Mary Jane. I said that I loved you, that I’d never hurt you. How could you ask this of me? How could you ask me to take you in his place?

“Because you loved him, too. You loved Peter, and I’m willing to bet my life that you still do.”

It’s true, Pete. I loved you, but I got better. I saw you for who you were after closing my eyes for the last time. And I loved MJ, up until a breath ago. Up until she let out that little surprised gasp she let out. Relax, it’s just an earwig. Oh, but what’s that? Is that an earpiece? And was that Dad on the other line?

“Harry, listen-”

You listen, my dearest friend! I said nothing about you being allowed to bring a plus-one, and, even if I had, Norman Osborn is not welcome here! I won’t allow any party crashers and, just to make sure he won’t be sneaking past the guards, I’ll seal us all in!

“Oh, my God!”

There is no god here! With the only entrance having collapsed in on itself, there is no coming in. But there is no getting out either. Good news, Pete! I’ve decided to lay off you for a while! Take a breather, pal, while I take my time with-

“If you touch her, I swear to God-”

Didn’t you hear me the first time? Here, I’ll loosen up my grip on you, so blood can start rushing back to your ears! There we go! And, since you two insist on bringing up God, Mary Jane offered herself as a sacrificial lamb and I intend to take her up on that offer. Oh, where’s all that fire gone, MJ? Was that all just some bluff, an elaborate scheme, one of Dad’s convoluted plans? Come on, you said you couldn’t wait to play the martyr and we both know how good of an actress you are. Even with your knees knocking against each other, even with your fingers, fidgeting as they reach out to me, you’re still a star.

“You said that you loved me. That you’d never hurt me. So, please, Harry, don’t hurt Peter. It hurts me to see him like this.”

I do love you, and I won’t hurt you. But I don’t love him and made no such promises to him. You did make a promise to me as well, remember? If you recall my love, then you recall me hurting myself with it. And you said it yourself, Mary Jane: he loves you. So you’re going to keep your promise, and you’re going to hurt him. You chose him last time. So, this time, you’re going to choose-

“You.”

“If you fucking touch her-”

She’s the one touching me, ol’ buddy. Yes, her hands are hesitant as they clasp my coat, but she’s all over me. Oh, Mary Jane, is that the perfume I bought for you while we were dating? Did you get a whiff of it, Pete? You probably did! You probably smelt it on one of the shirts you borrowed from me. I shared everything with you, but you just had to have her, too, didn’t you?

“MJ, what are you doing? MJ?”

What are you doing, MJ? You’re driving him mad! Jealousy looks just as good on him as my Armani shirts! He’s thrashing as if poisoned by the pain of seeing us together. I think I’ll loosen up my hold so that he can lift his head and see what you’re doing to me. You’re struggling with the buttons, every last inch of you shivering, but there’s nothing waiting for you beneath. I’m nothing like I used to be. You, on the other hand, are just as beautiful as I remember. I’d rather see what you’re hiding underneath.

“What are you waiting for?” Are you seeing this? Pete, are you seeing this? She’s kissing me! It’s my maggot-infested, bandage-covered jaw - and she’s kissing it! Look at her, Pete! “Undress me.”

“No, no, no-”

If you feel a pair of legs, or ten, crawling up your own, it’s only because I’m holding you close. If you feel a chill run down your spine, it’s only because I’m squeezing you tight. And if you feel a chill running down your spine -well, that’s a multi-legged friend tearing down your dress.

“NO!”

Did you see that, Pete? That almost looked like a pleasant shiver running through her. She almost looked like she enjoyed the cold-blooded embrace. Do you like it, Mary Jane? Do you like it when I touch you like this? Well, I guess you always had a thing for creepy crawlers. I am sorry about the dress. Black looks good on you, but it looks better on this white mausoleum floor. Do you like it when I touch you like this, scraping at that sensitive spot at the back of your head with my crooked claws, wrapping myself around your thighs with tens and tens of little legs, around your middle, squeezing down on your hips?

“Yes.”

Did you hear that-

“MJ, why? Why? Why?”

Did you hear that, MJ?

“W-what?” The heat of your breath hit my senses, what was once my nose, and you smell like freshly brewed coffee. Oh, you taste like life, Mary Jane, and it is sweet. The sweat beading at your forehead - do you mind if I have a taste? And the ones that spilled over, on the side of your face? “Harry.” My tongue is cold, I know. My embrace, the crawlers caressing you across your chest, they’re just as cold. Holding you is like catching a sunbeam: warm and bright. “Harry, aren’t you going to k-kiss me?” I hope you are hearing all of this, Pete, because I see your eyes burning through me, and I feel your body tensing up. Her body is just as tense, nerves knotted tightly from all this teasing. Is there any wonder why she needs my tongue in her mouth right now? She needs something inside her.

“Stop!”

It’s working, Mary Jane! He’s gone half-insane! As for the other half - what do you say? I don’t taste all that bad, do I? If I do, then you are the best actress of your generation! Pete, get over here! Stop struggling against the centipedes or they will have no choice but to stick something inside you, too! And, trust me, this is not the pleasant kind of penetration! Now stand up! Open your eyes and look into hers. Do you see that? Do you see those blown-up pupils? She wants this, and, judging by what’s jutting out of your onesie down there, I say you’re enjoying this, too.

“STOP!”

Well, Mary Jane, it turns out that shame is the shade that suits our Peter the best! He can barely contain his blush - or his erection, but that’s a skintight suit right there - watching snip away your lingerie with my long, sharp claws so wantonly. Seeing you savor every stroke of my tongue across your gooseflesh, past your perked up nipples and the valley of your breasts, and your newfound fetish for feeling creepy crawlers’ caress. He’d rather keep his eyes closed than witnessing any of this. So, what do you think? Is he ready to confess yet?

“Confess? Confess to what? Being sick to my stomach? Feeling disgusted with myself?”

"Tiger," Mary Jane moaned while pawing at my patchy coat, pushing her chest forward into my face. "I never knew...I never knew you liked watching.”

“Goddamn it, MJ!”

The scar from back when you stabbed in the back is a scab I can't help but claw at. The look on your face though? The way your cheeks burn with shame and your eyes are blown in excitement? Well, that's the ointment I needed, Pete.

"Goddamn it, Harry!"

God isn't here, Pete. It's just me. Confess to me. Confess. Confess.

"Playtime's over, kids!"

Did you hear that? Did any of you hear that? Is that-

"Norman?"

"Osborn?"

"That’s right! Daddy's home!"