#first it played a song i listened to when i was angry about a cheating friend thing

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

It's 6am, I've been awake all night, decided to play my Spotify DJ and it said "Let's play your top tracks from 2020!" Which has been a fucking psychic attack.

[jihyocentric]

“so you want to make her jealous?”

jihyo hums at the question, with her eyes closed, breathing slow and deep. she had been attentively listening to a song playing idly in jeongyeon’s room, a haze in her mind caused by the amount of times jeongyeon had her head between her thighs.

it would take jihyo a lot more than getting dressed (with a shirt much bigger than her, coated in jeongyeon’s scent) and the minutes waiting for jeongyeon to return to the bed for jihyo to stop feeling jeongyeon’s hands — everywhere on her body, from her neck to her ankles.

while waiting, jihyo has to shut her legs tightly to avoid thinking about the way jeongyeon had handled her, apparently into new positions, certainly rougher she used to be. jihyo had been deprived from physical touch, deplorably so, but she knew better than to make jeongyeon return to the warmth between her legs, both sore and entirely too tired for more.

“not jealous,” jihyo says like a whisper, her voice faltering, throat dry after the amount of careless, loud cries jeongyeon inflicted on her. “i want to make her regret.”

sitting is almost uncomfortable, despite the softness of the mattress, and jihyo dismisses the ache, satisfied with it, blessedly sore.

jeongyeon hands her a bowl with instant ramen, all she could do that late at dawn, and leaves a cup of water on the nightstand for jihyo, taking a seat beside her. she looked no better than jihyo, with fresh scratches on her arms, bottom lip red and puffed from the amount of times jihyo had sunk her teeth on it — but surely more composed.

“a bit sudden,” jeongyeon grabs her fork, tummy aching from a hunger she could hardly notice moments back, now more evident as her focus was no longer on her friend. “you both made a cute couple. i thought sana was decent.”

“decent?” jihyo laughs shortly, her voice low, barely audible. “how come you’re only saying that after eating out her ex for…” jihyo glances at the clock jeongyeon kept on her nightstand. 3 a.m. “four hours. wow. is this a new record?”

“as if i wouldn’t do that even if she was decent.” jeongyeon chuckles, crossing her legs, elbows aligned with her knees as she held her own bowl of ramen. “’sides i have the right to. met you first and all.”

jihyo laughs, “and almost dated me.”

“and almost dated you.” jeongyeon nods, playfully agreeing with her. “i’m glad she was the one for you back then. i could’ve ended up in her place.”

jihyo grabs the cup of water jeongyeon had promptly left for her, chugging half of it in one go. it still wasn’t enough for her throat to hurt less, temporarily damaged from all the moaning she did and jeongyeon squeezing her neck, but she would have to deal with it if she wanted to eat.

“you wouldn’t.” jihyo says, reminiscing a time no longer than two years ago when jeongyeon was more than a casual acquaintance, but the one she called weekly to have sex with. an acquaintance with benefits, if anything. “you’re honest. never lied to me, even when you didn’t owe me anything. sana cheated, after two years in our relationship.”

“yeah, i don’t do that,” jeongyeon mixes the noodles with her fork. “if this isn’t asking too much… what did she say when you found out?”

“she was surprised. she said it was a mistake, that she did it only once, told me she wouldn’t give up on me,” jihyo sighs, forgetting about her hunger for a brief moment. “but the other girl was nayeon.”

jeongyeon squeezes jihyo’s knee tenderly. “sorry i asked.” which jihyo replies with a small ‘it’s okay now’. “now that’s fucked up.”

“tell me about it.” jihyo lets out a meek laugh. “i’m no longer angry at nayeon. if she did that to me, then she was never my best friend in the first place. i’m fine with cutting her off and forgetting she was ever in my life. but sana… sana thinks i’m going back to her. i know she does- she talked about it to her friends. one of them was kind enough to tell me she sees me as a prize. told me to keep my decision of breaking up with her.”

“damn.” jeongyeon breathes out. “there’s another way i could fix this for you, y’know. she looks like she can’t handle more than two punches.”

jihyo considers jeongyeon’s offer, knowing she was joking, but there was some truth behind her words. “i want her to see me happy with somebody else. it’s all i’ve been thinking about. sana is in love with me- even if she says these things to her friends, she likes me…” jihyo affirms with sheer conviction, her eyes darker, not usually fond of revenge, but sana incited that feeling on her like nobody else had. “and you’re the perfect candidate.”

“i’m honored,” jeongyeon puts her bowl on a table next to the bed, more than half of it eaten. “i do know how to make you happy.”

jeongyeon takes the freedom to give jihyo’s bowl the same ending, making jihyo’s back hit the headboard, their hips side to side to each other, in a good position for jeongyeon to kiss her. jihyo closes her eyes by instinct when jeongyeon starts fixing her hair, leaving a lock behind her ear.

“it’s not because of that, though.” jihyo says, hand on jeongyeon’s waist when jeongyeon leans closer and kisses her neck. “it’s because you can do it and make it look real without falling in love with me. without it being weird.”

“i don’t do girlfriends, but i guess i’m just a natural, huh?” jeongyeon laughs softly against her neck, then pulls her face away just barely. “that wasn’t a record, by the way. we’ve gone at it for more than 6 whole hours,” she lowers her voice, “i still remember how you got me all wet towards the end, think you could do that again?”

jihyo hums. “i’m sore.”

jeongyeon brushes her nose against hers. “i’ll be gentle.”

“jeongyeon…” jihyo mutters, even wetter when jeongyeon has her hand on her thigh.

“this will be my part of the deal.”

and so it was.

jeongyeon was never an option for jihyo and neither was jihyo an option for jeongyeon.

they were honest about it when they started having their casual encounters. there wasn’t a problem in them not wanting to have a relationship, really, they were able to enjoy what they had without taking any further steps, and perhaps it was even better that way.

jeongyeon had been the one to talk about it first. jihyo was an amazing girl, the type people would fall for at first sight, but jeongyeon didn’t see a future in them as a couple, and neither did jihyo. and so, having a casual affair was easy for them, until jihyo met sana and fell in love with her.

jihyo and jeongyeon, despite ending what they had in a cordial way, simply didn’t keep a regular friendship after that, as there was no reason for them to do so — they would still meet up at times, given that their friend groups were also friends between each other, but nothing more than that.

still, there was something about jeongyeon that makes jihyo trust her. they barely ever spoke, but when they did it was as if jihyo was talking to a friend of years rather than only someone she had seemingly endless, hungry sex with.

beyond that, jeongyeon was someone who could truly understand her, and jihyo figured jeongyeon felt the same way about her. they immediately linked, and yet dating each other was never a subject between them — things were simply already good as they were.

“won’t it be a little weird, though? i had a thing with momo last summer,” jeongyeon asks, carrying both hers and jihyo’s suitcases to the back of jihyo’s car.

“dahyun isn’t the jealous type,” jihyo says, mindlessly texting momo, telling her they’d arrive before noon — until she really understands what jeongyeon had told her. “you and momo?”

jeongyeon puts the lid of the trunk down, closing it without using much strength. “…and it’s summer again, so it’s been what? a year? she probably doesn’t remember we had a thing.”

laughing slightly at jihyo’s frown, jeongyeon makes her way to the driver’s seat. jihyo follows, sitting on the passenger’s seat, hardly aware that that was her car and that she hadn’t agreed for jeongyeon to drive beforehand.

“did you have a thing with any other friend that i have?” jihyo asks, crossing her legs and putting on the seat belt. without making a complaint, she takes her car key and hands it to jeongyeon — jeongyeon decides not to make any comments about the picture of her cat for a keychain, knowing jihyo was serious about him. “careful with the car.”

“not that i know of,” jeongyeon shrugs, replying to jihyo’s question. with the key already in it’s place, jeongyeon twists it to get the car’s engine running. “i know what you’re thinking. i don’t sleep with that many girls. you were my first this year.”

jihyo hums. “and i know what you are thinking,” she looks at jeongyeon. “i’m not jealous, it’s just… interesting that you did it with my friend.”

“it was just a one-time thing. no, three-times thing.” jeongyeon mutters. “no big deal at all.”

jihyo looks at the window instead, arms crossed. “you were the one talking about it being weird anyway.”

jeongyeon smiles when jihyo pouts, doing it mindlessly. when the road is emptier, she places her hand over jihyo’s thigh and tells her to take a picture, all so that sana would know jihyo had someone else even before they arrived at their destiny.

they only had a week to do revenge, so every minute counted. the plan was to act as a couple in love during their friend trip — they went to momo’s beach house along with a couple more friends, and sana would be there, because sana was friends with momo. they certainly fought when momo found out sana had cheated on jihyo, but after an entire month of ghosting her, momo was more willing to forgive her.

to a great extent, it happened because jihyo assured momo that she was over sana, even told her to invite sana to their week out of town. despite being reluctant and having her differences with sana herself, unable to fully trust sana as a friend, momo did as jihyo said, assuming jihyo wanted sana to be there for her own reasons.

it’s already nighttime when they arrive, and nights at that side of the estate were as cold as the mornings were hot.

jeongyeon hardly needs a facade to treat jihyo well, so she wraps her own jacket around her when they’re out of the warmth of the car, telling her she’d get hot by using her muscles to carry their suitcases — which is an entire lie. jeongyeon shivers behind jihyo, but soon momo is opening the door for them and the cold is no longer as much of a nuisance.

“finally,” momo greets jihyo with a hug. “i was getting worried.”

“jeongyeon is a slow driver.” jihyo complains, clearly playful, but jeongyeon still lets go of their luggage and passes an arm behind her neck, messing with her hair in response.

“god forbid a woman drives safely.” jeongyeon kisses the top of jihyo’s head, speaking softly.

if momo was trying to mask her surprise to see that jihyo was, by what it looked, with jeongyeon, then she did a poor job, visibly taken aback, but she could only feel relief — if jihyo was with jeongyeon, then jihyo wasn’t there to get back with sana, which none of their friends would like to happen.

however, she couldn’t say the same about sana, who was there with a goal that she hid behind a wall of glass.

“i would congratulate you two now, but you’ll already hear a lot from the other girls,” momo grabs a suitcase. “come on, let’s put these in a room and come back,” she tells jeongyeon, as if jihyo wasn’t invited to go with her, then looks at jihyo. “the girls are setting the table.”

jihyo nods, knowing where to go. “be quick,” she tells the both of them.

 “why wouldn’t we?” momo laughs, grabbing jeongyeon’s arm as she leaves with her, not waiting for jihyo’s answer.

jihyo doesn’t worry at all about them — momo probably wanted to have a talk with her, but jihyo was sure it was nothing related to their brief past. she makes her way to the dining room, still surprised at how big the place was, despite that not being her first time there. the last time they stayed there, she was with sana, in a happy relationship.

now, the both of them stood relatively far from each other, no longer together, hardly able to look at each other’s eyes. jihyo isn’t surprised to find her there, knowing that would happen, but she was hoping jeongyeon would be with her when it happened.

dahyun, mina and tzuyu do a great job breaking the ice, the three of them rushing to give her a hug as soon as they spot her and then they are flooding her with questions about her new girlfriend, none of them minding the fact that sana was there.

“i’ll tell you everything,” jihyo smiles. “let momo and jeongyeon come back and we’ll tell you what you want to know,” she assures. “how can i help?”

once the table is set and momo and jeongyeon join them, instead of making things awkward by letting the silence prevail, dahyun makes the question they all were curious about. especially sana, who knew jihyo had company, but she didn’t know it was yoo jeongyeon.

sana didn’t know jeongyeon. at least not enough, only that she was an acquaintance of momo and tzuyu, and that jihyo also knew her. whatever else sana knew about jeongyeon was far from substantial. the only thing she remembers, quite vividly, is that jeongyeon is a guitarist — momo might have told her when she introduced them to each other. other than a handshake, sana had never had any contact with jeongyeon.

“so, how did this happen? i thought jeongyeon would never do dating,” dahyun asks, apparently not jealous or upset about her short-term affair with momo in the past.

“so did i,” jihyo laughs, jeongyeon’s hand automatically finding hers under the table. “she rejected me because of that two years ago. but we met again last month and… well, things just happened.”

it wasn’t a complete lie, truly. jeongyeon surely hadn’t rejected her, but they did only meet again after jihyo broke up with sana, met alone, that is.

jeongyeon wasn’t a rebound by any means, but someone who made her company and gave her what she couldn’t have otherwise — pleasure and enough intimacy to talk about the things she needed off her chest. now, rather than an acquaintance with benefits, she was a friend with even more benefits. certainly an upgrade.

“it wasn’t rejection,” jeongyeon defends herself. “back then i just couldn’t see us as we are now. maybe if we got together two years ago, we wouldn’t be together now. everything has a purpose,” jeongyeon says, seemingly wise, and perhaps that was too good of an answer, because jihyo could almost believe her.

“that was actually a sweet comeback,” jihyo says, a smile on her lips, half genuine, half part of the act.

sana keeps silent where she is, both melancholic and irritated about the fact that their friends seemed to be quite happy for jihyo. she felt betrayed, ironically so, because two years back was when she met jihyo. still it seemed likely to be true, because when she met jeongyeon, jihyo already knew her as well.

momo noses in. “so you’re a real deal now, huh? never thought i’d see the day yoo jeongyeon got a girlfriend. jihyo must be special.”

“of course she is,” jeongyeon answers in a heartbeat, meaning her words. to sound less cheesy, she adds: “she deserves the best… and i am the best.”

“okay!” with the exception of sana, who remains quiet the entire time, the girls boo her — even jihyo, which makes jeongyeon pout.

“we should probably start eating now. to keep jeongyeon’s mouth busy and stuff,” momo mutters, prying on what mina and dahyun had prepared.

“jeongyeon’s, sure,” dahyun teases, knowing momo was beyond starving, no matter how many snacks she ate while waiting for the food.

when the others are not looking, jeongyeon inches her face closer to jihyo’s mouth next to her ear. “what if i want something else to keep my mouth busy?”

jihyo’s cheeks heat up, mind rewinding to only a few moments before they arrived there, in the car — and jeongyeon was already asking for more of it. jihyo had almost forgotten how insatiable they could be together, but that was part of why they got along so well. “greedy. but you deserve it.”

“i do.” jeongyeon kisses her shoulder softly, pulling away then. she reaches for a strand of hair close to jihyo’s mouth, putting it back in place with the rest of her hair, which doesn’t go unnoticed by the other girls, yet no one mentions it.

the entire time that they have dinner, sana stares at them. jihyo acts normal, she ignores sana and focuses on what is being said, sometimes smiling at jeongyeon when she kisses her shoulder or touches her arms or waist, refusing to look at sana, knowing that doing so would be seeking for validation, which she didn’t need. all jihyo really needed from sana was for her to break the same way that she did.

(by the end of the night, jihyo was only more certain that jeongyeon was the perfect candidate, and the best part of it all was it hardly felt like pretending.)

“you’re red.” jihyo tells jeongyeon, spreading sunscreen on her face a second time, only an hour after applying the first layer.

jeongyeon was relaxes on the beach chair as jihyo settles on her lap in order to do her task, amazed with how jeongyeon’s cheeks were crimson due to the sun.

jeongyeon had stubbornly rejected staying under the sunshade, wanting to stick close to jihyo as she tanned in case somebody tried to hit on her, doing her job as a fake girlfriend too well at that point — but getting her skin nearly sunburnt in the process.

“i don’t come to the beach often,” jeongyeon justifies, barely pouting.

“i can tell.” jihyo taunts, soft hands spreading more sunscreen on jeongyeon’s shoulders. “does this bother you?”

the question rises as a way for jihyo to give jeongyeon an opportunity to set boundaries between them, worried she might be doing too much — sana was looking, she surely was, but jihyo didn’t do it because of that, doing it because jeongyeon wouldn’t wear sunscreen otherwise.

and jeongyeon could decline being looked after by jihyo, free to feel like that was too much, perhaps too intimate, but she didn’t, not bothered about the fact that jihyo had been doting on her as an actual girlfriend would. it wasn’t a bigger deal, however, because jihyo does the same to mina and tzuyu. except from the part where she sits on jeongyeon’s lap, that is.

jeongyeon rests her palm on jihyo’s knee. “not at all. have you always been like this?”

“always. can’t help it,” jihyo smiles, her job finished when she can no longer see the white from the sunscreen on jeongyeon’s skin. “i just wasn’t like this with you because back then it would’ve been weird.”

jeongyeon tilts her head, slightly so. “why is that? i wouldn’t mind it.”

jihyo shrugs. thinking about the past makes her wonder how she managed to not fall in love with jeongyeon at all, but maybe her feelings only really matured after her relationship with sana. she doesn’t see jeongyeon any differently than she used to, yet now jihyo understands that, in the past, reserving certain acts of affection was essential so that her relationship with jeongyeon didn’t develop any further.

for a reason jihyo could hardly fathom, sana managed to make her fall in love in less than a month, whereas she and jeongyeon had been enjoying the benefits of a compromise-free relationship for more than three without any love. still, that was the best way things could’ve turned out to be regardless of the outcome, because if jihyo happened to fall for someone who clearly didn’t want a relationship, that would’ve been perhaps just as stressful as being cheated on.

“i don’t know. i think i would… i kept avoiding doing some things with you that i knew neither of us would want,” jihyo replies, feeling comfortable enough with jeongyeon to talk about how she felt. “in my head there was a limit that i didn’t want to cross, so i didn’t.”

“makes sense.” jeongyeon says, understanding jihyo’s way of thinking.

they remain silent for a brief moment, jeongyeon wondering if she’d been more straightforward than she should’ve been in the past and jihyo curious if what she felt was also the case for jeongyeon. jihyo guesses it was probably not how things were for jeongyeon, because someone who doesn’t want a relationship doesn’t need to methodically reject negligible intimacy in order to avoid unwanted feelings.

it’s not like jihyo wanted a relationship — jeongyeon was an acquaintance. she became a friend after jihyo met sana, but she was an acquaintance and that was all jihyo saw in her, truly, but the fact that jeongyeon had been honest about keeping things as they were made jihyo be more careful, and that was all.

if anything, in the past jihyo was the one who believed they would be better as friends rather than having sexual encounters.

they seemed to be on the same wavelength about everything, and jihyo had the perspective that being a total opposite to her loved one was a basic requirement. as that was her experience with sana, the impression turned out to stick on her, which was why jihyo was no longer afraid of doing things with jeongyeon that she wouldn’t in the past, now in terms with the way they got along in many different ways, especially sex, but not afraid of love suddenly rousing.

“we wouldn’t have time to do these things anyway,” jeongyeon laughs, breaking the sudden silence. “every moment we spent together was either having sex in my apartment or exploring your exhibitionism kink. really good times. for a lawyer you’re quite deviant.”

“there you go. i am not an exhibitionist! that was a one-time thing and you loved it,” jihyo laughs, slapping jeongyeon’s flushed arm, earning a grunt from her. “come on, you can’t be sunburnt.”

“i would hope so,” momo chimes in, standing in front of them. there’s a ball in her hand, which she supports on her hip.  “can you play volleyball, yoo? we’re missing a player.”

“can i play volleyball?” jeongyeon laughs, as if momo had made her a silly question. she carefully taps jihyo’s knee, as if asking her to get up, and jihyo allows her to stand, taking jeongyeon’s place on the chair. “hirai, you’re speaking to a former team captain.”

“is that so?” momo beams, eyes shining with sudden enthusiasm — and a glint of mischief. “sana and i used to play on the school team as well. sana was the captain.���

jeongyeon looks at jihyo, not asking for her permission, but wanting to see if she would be opposed to the idea. jihyo doesn’t give her any sort of reaction, despite wishing jeongyeon would win, making it a second win for her that week.

jeongyeon smiles, taking her cap off and putting it on jihyo to keep it safe — messing up her hair in the process and making her frown. “may the best captain win.”

“is that really how the game is or were you trying to hurt her?”

jihyo asks, back at the house with jeongyeon while the girls spent more time on the beach, in charge of making lunch because she was the only one who didn’t play with them. jeongyeon follows her, both wanting to make her company and because she was sunburnt.

“that’s how it is. she didn’t move out of the way because she didn’t want to,” jeongyeon mindlessly replies, grabbing a cup of water for herself. “don’t act like you pity her. bet you loved watching her getting hit by the ball. i can say i did.”

jeongyeon smiles, wishing jihyo could feel the same joy she felt whenever the ball hit sana. the ball wasn’t made of a tough material by all means, yet jeongyeon’s hand was heavy and although her aim wasn’t sana, she was constantly hitting her throughout the game — which was more sana’s fault than it was hers.

“i didn’t know you could be so mean, yoo jeongyeon.” jihyo smiles, only because jeongyeon couldn’t see it as she was facing her back while jihyo looked for ingredients in the fridge.

a sound of steps against the wooden floor isn’t heard at all by jihyo and jeongyeon, who are in the kitchen, entirely too occupied with their dialogue to notice someone else had left the beach as well.

sana makes her way back after taking a swim, her face red from the amount of times the ball hit her, holding her tears back. sana wasn’t sad but angry — angry at her loss and angry at jeongyeon, who was nothing but a nuisance, in her way to get what she was there for.

jeongyeon leaves her empty cup on the counter, walking towards jihyo, following her when she moves somewhere else, opening a cabinet. jeongyeon stands behind her, both hands on jihyo’s waist.

while jihyo had hardly noticed someone else was in the house, jeongyeon feels a presence behind them, which only fuels her actions, mouth close to jihyo’s ear as if she wanted to keep it between them, but sana could still hear everything.

at that point, even without being able to distinguish what they were saying, sana would still be heated up, even more so when they were so close, when jeongyeon did what she used to do.

“need help, princess?” jeongyeon asks, voice suddenly raspy, using a term she has only used with jihyo a couple of times, only when favorable enough — mostly when they were both bare, doing what they deemed they did best.

“i can reach it,” jihyo says, pretending as if what jeongyeon did had no effect on her, pride hurt at jeongyeon’s implication that she was short.

she stands on her tip toes, trying to get a pan from the cabinet, questioning why momo kept those there when she wouldn’t be able to get them either. sana watches them, the pain on her face and shoulders hardly bothering her anymore, fists closed tight at the sight in front of her.

laughing, jeongyeon grabs it for her, leaving it on the counter. “there you go. this is costing you a little something later.”

“is that so?” jihyo hums.

just as jihyo is about turn around, sana leaves, hardly making a sound, only letting her tears fall because keeping them in was impossible at that point — she could still hear their laughs from her room, which led her to wonder if that pain was what jihyo felt when she saw her with nayeon.

for the biggest part of jeongyeon’s life, she hasn’t been essentially an affectionate person. not seriously, certainly not without an intention that was linked to taking a girl she is interested in to bed — and it’s not that jeongyeon was faking being nice, but she was a charmer by nature.

she finds out by the middle of the week that doing certain things with jihyo wasn’t that bad. touching a woman without the intention of immediately taking her to bed was good, jeongyeon learns, good almost in a way that was foreign for her.

in the past, jeongyeon simply didn’t want to do relationships and nobody happened to make her want that, not even jihyo.

something shifts at a certain point of her life where she sees all of her friends with a significant other, happy in their respective relationships, hence she stopped doing one night stands, finding relationships not as bad as she used to. it’s a compromise she would take with a person she loved enough.

jihyo was an exception, of course, in honor of their past together, and she needed a friend, which jeongyeon wouldn’t deny her, yet due to their deal, jeongyeon felt like quite the opposite of what she used to feel towards jihyo. in times gone by jihyo was a friend, someone jeongyeon cared about and slept with, but someone jeongyeon didn’t see a future with.

it used to be simple to think about the things regarding her love life as black and white. there was no complexity in what she felt towards the girls she’d been with, no complexity in how she felt about jihyo. jeongyeon didn’t date, jihyo was a friend, and they did what was convenient for them at the time, the both of them agreeing that they were better off as friends, both incapable of seeing themselves doing romance.

but past does not fully resonate in who jeongyeon grew to be, and perhaps the way she saw jihyo was different. it’s hard to tell when having no references of what she was supposed to feel when the time was right and she found someone she would want to build a life with, but jeongyeon starts questioning herself, wondering if she truly saw jihyo as a friend in the present time.

they were faking it so that jihyo would get some sort of revenge — that was the plan. yet jeongyeon couldn’t help but wonder if she touched jihyo the way she did for sana to see, if she kissed her because she knew sana would look, if she called her terms of endearment because sana could hear her.

certainly, jeongyeon couldn’t do romance in the past, she could barely grasp the concept of being so obsessed with someone that she would want to do everything in her hands to make them smile, to make them genuinely happy, but it happens so naturally with jihyo that she fails to realize it was happening.

“thought you would like something stronger today,” jeongyeon joins jihyo in the porch, sitting on the couch next to her. “but we only have beer.”

jihyo accepts the bottle from jeongyeon’s hand, curled upon the couch, with her knees up to her chest in her sitting position. “this one is fine.”

jeongyeon hums. late at night, the sky was full of stars. jihyo seemed to be studying them closely. “tomorrow is the last day. how do you feel?”

“the message was sent. she knows i’ll always be the happiest i’ve been without her.” jihyo replies. “that was all i wanted.”

jeongyeon nods lightly, bringing the bottle to her lips, taking a sip. although jihyo had been deep in her thoughts before she joined her, jeongyeon knew she was welcomed there, therefore the impending silence was comfortable while it lasted.

“thank you, jeong.” jihyo mutters, quiet and sincere.  

only then, that jeongyeon realizes it all had just hit her.

jeongyeon knows from the way jihyo’s silent tears stained her face, falling freely without her trying to dry them up, to the way jihyo was quiet, not trying to flirt or initiate a conversation, much less giving out her frequent smiles — those were the brightest ones jeongyeon had ever seen.

“hey,” jeongyeon pats her back when jihyo can no longer cry quietly. jihyo hides her face in her knees, arms curling around her head, and jeongyeon retrieves the still full bottle of beer from her hand, leaving it on the table. “it’s okay.”

jihyo had been there before. she had cried countless times on her own after finding out sana had cheated on her, both because of sana and because of nayeon, and the intensity of the storm reduced a little each time she cried.

jihyo was over sana, she truly was, but her heart hadn’t accepted the fact that all of her love, her expectations, her happiness — her deepest, sincerest emotions, would no longer exist for sana. or nayeon, who had perhaps broken her heart whereas sana had only bruised it, denying jihyo of a friend to support her and take her pain as her own, the way it used to be.

but jeongyeon was there, and jeongyeon holds her when she cries, tightly enough that she could almost make the pain go away, giving jihyo a shoulder to cry on and a lap she can feel comfortable in.

“she was my best friend.” jihyo says once she is able to do so, a couple of tears ready to fall, but she no longer sobbed quietly into the crook of jeongyeon’s neck.

“i know.” it’s the only thing jeongyeon says, because it was enough. because jihyo wasn’t waiting for an answer, but stating what she was thinking, and jeongyeon allowed her to feel it on her own, being there for her how jihyo wanted her to.

jeongyeon doesn’t pull away when jihyo kisses her, she doesn’t think anything of it, forbids herself of doing so. she kisses her back, and it’s different from the other times. not hungry, or hot, or desperate — jihyo was thanking her, in her own, particular way, holding jeongyeon’s cheeks with a hand as her lips warmly touched hers, soft and sweet.

jihyo places a chaste peck against her lips, finishing their kiss, then opening her eyes to look at jeongyeon. “i don’t… i don’t want you to think that i’m doing this- that i’m kissing you because i want the pain to go away and you’re how it goes away. i want to let you know that.”

with a hand on her waist and the other on jihyo’s face, jeongyeon nods, her thumb caressing jihyo’s bottom lip. “okay.”

“we’re not so bad at this, huh?” jihyo asks, bringing the sun back when she smiles, so brightly that jeongyeon wondered if the other stars were envious.

“we are not.” jeongyeon answers, hardly aware of what jihyo meant, but if she meant that doing romance didn’t feel that impossible for them anymore, then jeongyeon would agree. (she doubted that was the case.)

relatively far from them, sana and momo watched them, only arriving when jihyo was no longer crying, but kissing jeongyeon with no intentions of taking that to bed, laughing when jeongyeon stopped kissing her to crack a joke.

momo sighs, nearly regretting going out with sana and leaving dahyun at home, knowing that she was probably sleeping then.

“they’re cute, don’t you think?” momo asks, crossing her arms as she looked at the couple that wasn’t yet a couple — and she knew because jeongyeon wasn’t able to hide it from her. momo was simply able to read jeongyeon beyond her words, aware of things jeongyeon kept hidden even from jihyo.

“no, i don’t, momo.” sana clenches her fist. “why did you let her come?”

momo ignores her question. “i do. it’s good to see that jihyo found someone good for her. and i know jeongyeon, she will never break her heart.”

unable to keep looking at jihyo, sana shifts, looking at momo, her eyes dark. “you used to know me too.”

“i can’t live my life waiting for the people around me to reveal themselves as deceptive, awful people, can i?” momo asks patting sana’s shoulder, a sad smile on her face. “and here i was thinking you regretted.”

momo leaves, sana doesn’t utter a word. she looks at jihyo again, cries because she didn’t mean to speak the way she did with momo, and because jihyo was happy without her. already.

the last day of their trip is the least eventful.

at night, jeongyeon leaves for a party nearby with dahyun and momo after jihyo insisted for her to go if she wanted to have fun with them, the rest of them stay because they are tired. leaving jihyo alone wasn’t something jeongyeon truly wanted to make, but jihyo convinces her that she should have fun if she wanted to, and so jeongyeon leaves.

mina was there and so was tzuyu, yet sana seemed like the invasive type of person. without her or momo there to protect jihyo, jeongyeon worried about what sana could do or say to her — she was worrying a lot, too much, and jeongyeon didn’t feel like she shouldn’t be feeling that way, but avoiding it seemed impossible.

jeongyeon’s worries were justified and sana does reach out to jihyo, finding and opening when tzuyu and mina go to their room and she stops jihyo from doing the same.

“i want to talk to you.” sana says, noticing the way jihyo reacted when she touched her arm. sana quickly releases it, anxious, desperate to find a way to stop hurting jihyo with her actions, but apparently even standing in front of her was enough to feel like she was doing so.

jihyo keeps a firm stance, with her arms crossed. “what do you want to talk about?”

“should we do this outside?” sana asks, looking everywhere but at jihyo. “i just need some fresh air. i won’t take much of your time.”

jihyo doesn’t feel like accepting sana’s request. they had talked about it — everything that had happened. jihyo had been clear that she would never want to go back to sana. she’d been clear that she didn’t want to know about nayeon, clear that she didn’t want sana to explain why she had done what she did. sana respected her decision because it was the least she could do, still wanting to get jihyo back, but keeping the requested distance.

until something threatens her, that is, and sana feels like going over the promises she’d done for momo and attempting, even if one last time, to get jihyo back. when jihyo agrees to talk to her in the porch, sana feels relieved, leading the way with jihyo behind her, and jihyo was as worried about her decision to talk to sana as jeongyeon was worried about her decision to leave.

“so, what is it you want to say?” jihyo asks, impatient, wanting the safety of her room and the safety of jeongyeon.

“i want you back.” sana states, from the beginning of their conversation. “the thing you have with that woman can’t be as serious as our relationship.”

jihyo can hardly believe what she hears. she’s immediately irritated, because sana was so wrong, but the instant urge to snap at her isn’t enough to make jihyo say or do anything. jihyo stares at sana with a blank expression, her breathing becoming heavier the more sana spoke.

“nayeon was in love with me when we met.” sana explains, although jihyo didn’t want to hear. “when i found out, i felt guilty... so guilty. i didn’t notice she had those feelings for me. it’s not like it would change what i feel for you, because you’re the most perfect woman i’ve ever met, but there’s so much i could have avoided if only i knew…”

sana gets closer to jihyo as she speaks, with only one intention behind her actions. even sana didn’t believe in her own words, sounding fake, making it obvious that she was merely keeping jihyo there for a reason that wasn’t apologizing or justifying herself.

jeongyeon only stays at the party until she knows momo and dahyun will be fine without her there, heading back as soon as she has the opportunity. she arrives on time to see sana and jihyo talking, and despite wanting to give jihyo space, desperately wanting to move, she stays at the entrance of the porch, watching and listening.

“no, sana, let’s not lie here. i was a prize to you.” jihyo says, taking a step back when sana gets too close. “i don’t care about nayeon’s feelings because she didn’t care about mine, and i refuse to talk about her with you. those were two years of my life that you wasted. my life,” jihyo says, her face red with sheer anger. “and i wasn’t even happy with you.”

sana raises her eyebrows. “of course you were.”

“at the beginning, yes, it was perfect. but then you became distant, and…” jihyo shakes her head, letting out a sigh. “no, i’m not having this conversation again-”

jihyo’s voice dies down when sana kisses her, holding her hips tightly, enough to make jihyo grunt in pain. jeongyeon doesn’t have to intervene, because jihyo bites sana’s lip, her palm falling heavy on sana’s cheek.

“you can’t replace me with someone you barely know.” sana snaps, ignoring the heat on her cheek.

“i’m not replacing you,” jihyo replies, cleaning her mouth with the back of her hand. “jeongyeon isn’t a sidegrade. she will never be that. she’s so, so much better.”

“jihyo, it’s been a month. a month.” sana says, as if she was pleading for something she knew she wouldn’t have back. she takes a step closer to jihyo again.

“i won’t be the one slapping you if you touch me again.” jihyo warns, and sana seems to realize her surroundings. momo and jeongyeon would arrive soon, and if jihyo wanted, they would make her regret doing anything against jihyo’s will — besides, it wasn’t like sana to act that way, and the anger vanishes when sana comes to understand what she’d just done.

jihyo leaves her alone, but after taking a few steps away, she stops. “by the way, sana, jeongyeon and i were already together for months before i met you. it wasn’t a month that made me fall for her.”

jeongyeon had heard most of it. she saw jihyo stand for herself and then she left, feeling as if she’d seen more than she should have. jihyo leaves after speaking to sana, spends a few minutes cooling down at the beach, then heads back inside when it gets too cold.

for her surprise, jeongyeon was already back, lying down with her eyes closed. thinking she was asleep, jihyo silently changes her clothes, joining her on the bed then, carelessly making her way to jeongyeon’s arms for some cuddling. but jeongyeon wasn’t sleeping, so her hands naturally find jihyo’s waist.

“sana talked to me.” jihyo mumbles, head on jeongyeon’s chest.

“i know.” jeongyeon replies. “i saw.”

jihyo’s heart races at the thought of jeongyeon listening what she said about her, but she decides not to talk about it. “i’m sorry.”

“what for?” jeongyeon asks softly, a hand brushing jihyo’s lower back under her shirt, the other finding the back of jihyo’s knee when jihyo passes her leg over her hip.

jihyo sighs. “bringing you into this. i shouldn’t have.”

jeongyeon hums. “doing this made it better, didn’t it?”

“yes.” jihyo replies sincerely, feeling lighter after letting sana understand she wasn’t as important for her as she might have thought she was.

“then don’t apologize.” jeongyeon mutters, her voice low.

jeongyeon shifts, barely so, making jihyo open her eyes and look at her, the tip of their noses brushing against each other.

“i’m sorry still.” jihyo insists.

it’s only when jeongyeon pulls away, wanting to see her face before kissing her, that she notices the tear stains on jihyo’s face and how red her nose and lips were from crying.

despite it irking her that sana had made her cry once again, jihyo was the most beautiful when she cried. jeongyeon hopes, instinctively so, that in the future jihyo only cries out of happiness, so she could enjoy the way she looked without feeling an annoying pain in her chest.

“so pretty.” jeongyeon whispers, moving a lock of hair behind jihyo’s ear.

jihyo sighs, eyes closed, feeling a tender kiss on her jaw. “jeongyeon…”

“jihyo.” jeongyeon answers.

jihyo says nothing in response, letting jeongyeon place kisses everywhere — from her jaw to her neck, and when her shirt was somewhere on the ground, on her ribs, then on her tummy.

even if jeongyeon knew all of the corners of her body, it was still new to have her kissing her so passionately everywhere. tender, as if that was their first time together and, for some reason, jeongyeon had to be careful.

jihyo keens when jeongyeon pulls her for one last kiss, tongue brushing against hers so gently she felt like crying again, and she’s unusually flushed when jeongyeon has her head between her legs, taking her time kissing her thighs before she got to take off the last piece of clothing preventing jihyo from bareness.

maybe they really weren’t that bad at romance.

a couple of weeks later, they’re back with their monotonous routines.

jihyo stays longer at work every day, because working made her mind occupied, and she needed to have her feelings at rest before she understood what had happened between her and jeongyeon in their last night together at their trip. jeongyeon on the other hand was already in terms with her feelings, she had been in terms with it, and so she waited, because she was confident jihyo felt the same.

it isn’t until nearly a month after everything happened that jihyo reaches out to her. jeongyeon is waiting for a cab after rehearsing all afternoon, guitar on her back, phone in hands, when she receives a call from jihyo. she picks up in a heartbeat, and jihyo smiles, watching jeongyeon from a safe distance, aware that jeongyeon was there because one of her friends had told her.

“hey, jeongyeon.” jihyo says, holding back a soft laugh.

“hey, jihyo.” jeongyeon greets her back, certainly flirting, just as the usual.

jihyo takes a few steps closer to jeongyeon, unaware of how much she’d missed her until she smells her perfume and her heart aches, desperate to hug her tight.

“would you go on a date with me?” jihyo asks, close enough so that jeongyeon could hear her, but jeongyeon doesn’t notice her presence whatsoever.

jeongyeon makes a noise, as if she was thinking about it. “when?”

“now.” jihyo replies, bossy, not willing to give jeongyeon a choice.

“sure,” jeongyeon says, checking the watch on her wrist. still early enough to do many things. “should i pick you up at work?”

“i’m picking you up this time.” jihyo hangs up, smiling as she appears in front of jeongyeon.

“oh, hey.” jeongyeon breathes out, unusually nervous, but still flirty. “you look beautiful.”

jihyo nods, knowing that already — she worked hard to look pretty for her. she wraps her arms around jeongyeon’s neck, using all the courage she’d gathered during those weeks she had no contact with jeongyeon.

“i’m in love with you.” jihyo states rather than confesses, coming clear with her feelings.

jeongyeon shrugs. “i figured.”

jihyo opens her mouth, slightly shocked that that was jeongyeon’s reaction. “aren’t you happy i’m reciprocating your feelings?”

jeongyeon shakes her head. she grabs one of jihyo’s hands, placing it over her racing heart. “i’m worried.”

jihyo’s eyes widen at how fast it was beating, and that was all because of her — that was, by far, the most beautiful proof of her love jeongyeon could’ve given her. jihyo has to get on her tip toes to peck jeongyeon’s lips, a soft smile permanently on her lips.

“i’ll take care of you.” jihyo promises, aware that jeongyeon had no experience with long time relationships.

“no. i’ll take care of you.” jeongyeon affirms, stubborn, passing an arm behind jihyo’s neck so that they could walk side by side. jihyo passes an arm around her waist, the most comfortable way she could hold jeongyeon, really, given their height difference. “i need coffee.”

“the coffee i make is delicious.” jihyo suggests, but soon she reformulates. “you’ll try it later. we can’t go home now…”

“yeah.” jeongyeon laughs, knowing too well what would happen if that was the case. “come on, there’s a really good cafe nearby.”

[laylasredemption]

john marston x reader words count: 3.5k warnings: cheating, implications of sex but no actual smut summary: The other woman will cry herself to sleep. The other woman will never have his love to keep. And as the years go by, the other woman will spend her life alone.

I dedicate this to @strvberrydoll, the biggest John Marston lover I know <3 ily I hope you'll like it

୧‿̩͙ ˖︵ ꕀ⠀ ♱⠀ ꕀ ︵˖ ‿̩͙୨

The other woman

Since you could remember, you've always loved music. It was a seed your mother planted in your brain from a very young age. She was a simple woman, but she could sing and play the piano. All her skill with the instrument came from self teaching, so she was no Chopin, but it was enough to make you fall in love with the music.

Your father, on the other hand, was a rough man, hardened by years of labor. When he wasn’t working, he was drinking, and when he was drinking, he was angry. The cruel fate decided it would be a good idea if your mother fell ill out of a sudden.

After she passed, your father grew more distant, his anger turning inward, leaving you to care for yourself. You were just a young girl, barely out of your teens, without the slightest idea of what real world was like.

But you decided to go for broke and chose to leave your little town. You had your mother's voice, and you knew how to play the piano. Music was the only thing that made sense to you, the only thing that brought you peace. And so you drifted from town to town, playing and singing anywhere that would give you a few coins.

Eventually, you found yourself end up in Valentine, a lifestock town where the people were hard and the whiskey was cheap. The saloon, of the name Smithfield's, was always lively, full of cowboys looking to drown their troubles in alcohol. Not the most glamorous place in not the most glamorous town, but it was a place where you could make a living.

You made a deal with the saloon owner, Cliff Douglas, who was impressed by your talent. You'd play the piano and sing every night, and in return, you'd get a small room upstairs and a share of the tips. It wouldn't give you a luxorious life, but it was more stability than you had in months since leaving your home.

The night you met John Marston was no different from any previous night in the saloon. Your voice and the piano's music were mixing with the cacophony of the saloon's usual laughter and chatter. You didn't even notice him at first, focused on your job.

He was just another face in the crowd that you didn't even look at, another man looking to escape whatever ghosts haunted him. He was sitting at the bar, a glass of whiskey in his hand as he listened to your voice and watched your fingers.

At one point, you started to feel his intense gaze on yourself. You weren't a stranger to men looking at you, you were performing after all. But his gaze felt... different. As if he had been genuinely interested.

Your delicate fingers played the last chords before you'd head for a break, and last few words of the song fell from your lips. When you glanced up, he made eye contact with the man that had been watching you so intently.

There was something about him that drew you in. Maybe it was the way he looked at you with interest instead of lust, maybe it were the scars on his face that hid stories you couldn't begin to imagine. There was something in the way he looked at you, like he saw more than just a girl singing in a saloon for a few coins.

The saloon erupted into applause, which ripped you out of the hypnotized state you were in. You turned to the rest of the crowd and smiled, announcing a little break, after which you'd come back to entertain them.

You made your way to the bar for your break, as you usually did and not just because you hoped the stranger would initiate a conversation.

But he did.

"Mind if I buy you a drink?" He asked, his voice betraying years of drinking and smoking, and you found yourself even more attracted to him.

But you had to make one thing clear.

"I ain't a working girl, sir." You informed him, in case he thought there's more to your services.

The stranger chuckled at your comment and nodded in understanding, "I ain't lookin' for that kinda attention either, miss. Just a friendly gesture, s'all. Now, what're you drinkin'?"

You thought about your answer for a moment, not having much experience with alcohol yourself. "Whiskey, I guess?"

The stranger turned to the barman, ordering two glasses of said alcohol - one for you, and another one for himself.

"Besides," he then turned to you again, "you're too pretty to be a workin' girl."

You couldn't help but smile at his comment. He looked like trouble and he talked like trouble. That rugged charm of his just kept drawing you in like a moth to the flame with each passing minute.

"Thank you." You said, taking your glass in your hand. "For the compliment, and for the whiskey."

"It ain't often you come across someone with a voice like yours,” he said, taking a slow sip of his drink, "figured I'd try my luck."

It was unusual for a man to buy a lady a drink and expect nothing but a nice conversation in return. You wondered if there's more than simple friendliness to the man's gesture.

"And what kinda luck is it that you're hoping for?" You asked.

"I suppose you could say I'm just lookin' for some company. And you seem like the kinda comany worth havin'." He paused momentarily, remembering he hasn't introduced himself. "Name's John, by the way. John Marston."

"[Y/n]." You replied with your name. "You know, John, I'd love to hear the story behind the scars gracing your face."

You immersed yourself in the conversation with the newfound friend, and hours passed without noticing. You never came back to the piano that night, too busy getting to know the stranger.

At first, he seemed like a man of few words, but the more he drank, the more he spoke. He told you about his life constantly on the move, the hardships he had been through - along with the wolves that were the reason for the scars on his face. And in exchange, you told him your story. Maybe there wasn't much to say, but he listened as intently as Dutch would've if Evelyn Miller stood before him, reciting a book of his.

John began coming to the saloon more often, always arriving just in time to catch your performance, and then to spend some time with you afterwards.

As the days turned into weeks, you found yourself looking forward to his arrival. There was something weirdly comforting in his presence. The more you got to know him, you realized he's not a good man, but you were already too deep to dig yourself out of this.

John never seemed to talk much about where he was staying, or if he had any family. He mentioned something about a brother once or twice, but you couldn't believe there would be just the two of them. Even when he was slightly intoxicated, it still seemed as if he was skipping some parts of his story.

You wanted to know him more. You wanted to understand him better.

But the moment you started asking more personal questions, he changed topic to you. He loved talking about you, hearing about your plans for the future. He would often ask if you ever thought of going somewhere further, he even encouraged you to do so, telling you your voice could take you far, make a career in the big cities like Saint Denis.

Before you knew, you were falling for this man. Every time you fell asleep, you'd think of him and how much you wished he'd be next to you. There was no future with him, he was a drifter and maybe one evening would be the evening you saw him for the last time, but you didn't want to think about it.

You started to think how life would be if he had asked you to join him on his travels. You would agree instantly, after all you could sing anywhere. The idea of leaving with him seemed so perfect, every night you saw him you hoped for such offer to fall from his lips. You found yourself falling for the idea of what could've been.

He knew your dreams, because you opened up to him like never before to anybody. John knew how much you would have loved to be on one of those fancy scenes, performing for rich people in beautiful dresses and tuxedos.

Then why didn't he offer you to leave Valentine with him?

One night, there was something different in the air. After your performance, the conversation followed as usual, but John seemed to be... different. Quieter than usual and even whiskey didn't loosen up his tongue.

"I should probably head back." He said as the saloon became less crowded, but he made no move, as if he waited for you to stop him.

You knew what he was trying to say. You wanted it too, you felt tired of resisting.

"Or you could stay for the night." Words left your mouth before you could think through their possible consequences.

For a long moment, he didn't speak, and it got you wondering if you had made a mistake or crossed a line you shouldn't have. But you thought there was no mistaking in the tension present between the two of you tonight.

Eventually, he replied, his husky voice lower than usual, "I reckon I could." He downed the remaining whiskey from his glass. "Lead the way."

No sooner, you were leading him upstairs to your small room, leaving the world behind as you closed the door. You barely made it to the bed before his lips found yours, and clothes were quickly discarded on the floor.

The tension and desire that had been building up between the two of you had finally reached its apogeum and snapped. The longing pulled you into something you couldn't resist, and you fell into the sheets together.

When it was over, you laid beside him, feeling very content. Your smile slightly faded away when he didn't speak, and you were at a loss of words too, not acquiantanced with situations like this.

You sat up, looking at him for some kind of reassurance. Even if he didn't speak, you hoped to find comfort in his eyes as you always did for the past few weeks.

But you found guilt in his expression.

He wasn't even looking at you. His main focus was the ceiling, as if the answers to whatever bothered him were engraved there.

"I should go." He muttered, sitting up and still avoiding making eye contact with you.

You wanted to tell him to stay, but the regret in his voice hinted it was a bad idea.

"You... don't have to." You managed to utter, your voice quiet, almost as if you didn't want him to hear it.

John ran a hand through his hair, "I do." And with that, he stood up, beginning to gather his clothes.

You remained silent, watching him put his clothes back on. He didn't even bid you a goodbye before disappearing behind the door.

For the first time, you didn't like how tiny the room was. Normally, it brough you comfort, but now it felt as if you were trapped there with your thoughts.

You would have cried yourself to sleep if you could fall asleep. But instead you found yourself staying up all night with the tears streaming down your face.

John rode back to camp under the cover of darkness, the guilt gnawing at him terribly. Abigail had been suspecting something for the past few weeks, she wasn't stupid. But she initally though he was just going out to drink, she didn't accuse him of being with another woman.

Until this one night.

John dismounted from his horse quietly, hoping to slip into his tent without waking anyone, but he found Abigail waiting for him.

"Where've you been, John Marston?" She asked, her arms crossed on her chest.

"I..." He tried to find an explanation, his heart pounding in his chest. "I was out. For a drink."

Abigail's eyes narrowed at him. "You think I'm stupid? You smell like whiskey and perfume."

John recognized the anger on her face, the hurt in her voice, and it only made him guilt grow, drilling a hole in his stomach. He knew there was no talking his way out of this one, not with the smell of another woman still lingering on him.

"I'm sorry, Abigail," he said, wishing his words could erase his actions, "I swear I am."

"It ain't something a sorry can fix."

John's hand reached out to touch Abigail, but she quickly swatted it away.

"Don't touch me." The woman said. "You're nothing but a scoundrel, John Marston. Promising me you have changed, that we'll be a family... sneaking off to another's bed."

Abigail's hands went to her temples, and she closed her eyes for a moment. She was a rough woman, and this must have been the first time John saw her so close to crying.

"I ain't got no excuse." John stated. "But I love you, I love Jack... I don’t wanna lose what we have."

Abigail scoffed, she opened her eyes filled with tears. "Love? You think this is love, John? You think sneakin' around behind my back, lying to me, is love?"

John was unable to argue. He had no explanation, no excuse, and no words that could fix the damage he had done. He didn't know why he did what he did. Maybe it was the excitement that came with meeting someone new. Maybe it were his commitment issues acting up. But that wasn't something a father should have done.

All he could do was stand there, watching the woman he loved hurt because of his own stupidity.

Abigail continued, her voice trembling, "You promised me you'd be different, that we'd be a proper family. I was a fool to believe you!"

"Abigail, please," he begged, his voice cracking, "I'll do whatever it takes to make things right, I swear."

"You think I haven't heard that before? Every time you do somethin' wrong, it's always I'll do better, Abigail. But you never do. You just keep hurtin' me, over and over again."

Before John could reply, Abigail's hand came into contact with his cheek. He didn't flinch, didn't try to stop her, he knew he deserved this and even worse. The sound of the slap seemed to be louder than any gunshot, and it didn't cause just physical pain.

Abigail's tears glistened in her eyes as she turned to walk away, leaving John standing there, feeling like the lowest man on earth. His cheek still burned, but it was nothing compared to the ache in his chest as he watched the woman he loved slip away after he had let her down once again.

"Well, ain't this somethin'?"

John turned around and saw Bill walking over. He stood nearby, hidden by the darkness of the night, and had witnessed the whole scene.

"What was it this time?" He sneered. "Couldn't keep your hands off some whore in Valentine?"

John replied angrily, "Mind your own business, Williamson." He didn't need anyone making fun of him, not right now.

"Guess you got a thing for 'em, huh, John? Can't teach an old dog new tricks."

Abigail spent the night wrestling with her anger and pain, making sure she'll keep it in check in the morning near Jack. But eventually, she decided to go to the town and find the woman.

Leaving Jack with Tilly, Abigail saddled up the horse and headed out to Valentine. She didn't care how long it would take, she promised herself to find the woman. She had to or she would never find peace.

And which place would be better to start looking than the saloon? A place where everyone knows the town's business. If John spent so much time drinking with the working girls there, people must have known him.

The woman pushed the doors of the saloon open and walked inside, anger audible even in her steps. She walked straight to the bar.

Your performance was starting in the evening, but you couldn't sleep the whole night, and the thoughts of John were weighing on you heavily, like a thousand pound rock.

So you decided to walk downstairs to the saloon and clean up after the night. You observed some early patrons come in as you sweeped the floor with a broom.

Suddenly, a woman walked in. Her steps were rapid, echoing in your eyes, she moved with the speed of fire. It wasn't often that women came drinking, not by themselves usually. There was some kind of determination, or even desperation in her steps.

"May I help you with something, ma'am?" The bartender asked her.

She demanded, putting come cash on the counter. "John Marston. That name tell you somethin'?"

You tensed at the mention of his name.

Could he...?

You wanted to believe he just didn't want to lead you into the life of crime you figured he must have led. You didn't want to think of the possibility of John having a family.

You decided to approach.

"Excuse me," you said, setting the broom aside, "you said John Marston?"

You approached closer, and Abigail knew then that the money she offered the bartender for information won't be necessary. She put the cash back into her little purse, and looked at you.

You didn't look just like a maid or waitress who cleans the saloon, but neither did you appear to be a working girl. Your clothes were a testament to how generously men tipped you for your music, your hair was perfectly curled, your hands delicate with not a sign of dirt under your nails.

And the perfume that lingered wherever you set your foot. The perfume was what gave you away. In that moment, she knew you were the other woman.

She found you. But now you two stood there, air charged with realization, and neither of you knew what to say. John had a woman at home, and she was standing in front of you, staring at you, her gaze scarred with the weight of his betrayal.

"I..." you stuttered, knowing theres no way to justify what had happened, "I didn't know, ma'am. I swear, I didn't know. I wouldn't have..."

"Didn't know?" Abigail scoffed, bitterness laced with pain in her voice, "Didn't think to ask, didn't think maybe he had someone waitin' for him back home? Or did you just not care?"

You had feelings for John, but now you were hit with the realization that he could have never developed feelings for you. He could have never loved you more than he loved her. You were a getaway, a toy for him that he could never genuinely care for.

"I should've asked." You admitted. "I should have known better. But I didn't, and for that I'm sorry. Truly, I am."

"Sorry don't fix a damn thing!"

She was right, but what else were you supposed to say? There was no way to go back in time to fix what was broken. And as much as you were unaware of her existance, you felt equally responsible for hurting her. Even if you didn't know the woman, you felt terrible for her.

"If I could, I would take it back, trust me." You said, your eyes starting to tear up.

There was a moment of silence. Abigail looked at you, really looked at you, and for the first time, she saw more than just the woman who had come between her and John. She saw someone who had been deceived too, someone who was just as much a victim of John's lies as she was.

But that didn't make her situation any easier.

"Stay away from him," Abigail ordered angrily, "whatever this was, it ends now. He's got a family and we don't need any more trouble."

You nodded in acknowledgement. If you tried to say anything, there was a chance you would just break down.

A family.

You have never thought it would have happened to you, but it did. You fell victim to the charm of a man for whom family was not enough. It wasn't your fault. He was the one to steer the topic away when you tried talking about his private life.

But you felt guilty. You should have asked if there was a woman in his life.

The woman turned to leave. She walked to the doors, but before pushing it open, she turned to you one last time. "You didn't know. But now you do. Don't be the reason a man walks away from his family."

With that, she left the saloon, the door swinging shut behind her, leaving you standing there, feeling more alone than you ever had before despite the other people in the room.

You had been deceived and so was she. But you were the one left alone, while she was going to go back to John and have him trying to win his way back into her heart.

And all you had left was the pit in your gut, drilled by guilt and regret.

[adrealucia]

Sean as your best friend

a headcanon ⓘ sfw

featuring: Sean Diaz

ⓘ what are you talking about 

꙳⸌☆⸍꙳

I feel like Sean would be the type of person who would rather listen to you talk, instead of talking a whole lot about himself. However, he would talk to you about his family problems, like whenever he and Daniel are fighting you would be the first to know. You would talk a lot about music and movies, I feel like Sean would turn into such a nerd. There is a lot of teasing involved in the way he talks to you, lots of swearing and slang I guess. 

I don't think that he would be much into gossip. In my opinion, he is more focused on you and his other friends and not caring about other people.

He talks a lot about Daniel and will always ask you about your opinion on certain presents for him or topics he should discuss with his brother. "You think I am a bad big brother for not taking him on the trip as well?" 

Also teases you about the fact that Daniel is so in love with you and that one day he is going to propose to you. "He is such a player and you fall for it." 

"Sean he is nine." 

ⓘ how he would treat you / act around you 

꙳⸌☆⸍꙳

Let me tell you this boy is shy, but certainly not when he is around you. He is always cracking up super corny jokes and would make fun of you as well but in a playful demeanor. He is pretty caring though, always asking how you are if you have eaten anything yet. I mean even as your best friend this guy would worship the ground that you are standing on. 

Honestly, he is only attending work so that you guys can order a bunch of takeout, get high, and go to concerts and the movies. I also feel that he would be the type of guy friend to always pay for your meals and open doors for you because his dad taught him so. 

When I tell you that you are his muse I am not joking even a little bit. This guy is always drawing you in every situation. You are helping Daniel with his homework? he is drawing you. You are talking to him on FaceTime? Oh, he has a pencil in his hand and is secretly sketching your face. You are reading in the corner of his room? Yep, you're right he is drawing you again. You get the idea. When he wants to work on his perspective skills he would often ask you to get into a certainposition and stand still so he could practise his skills. 

"Sean, it's been like 30 minutes, are you done already?"

"Stand still." 

ⓘ how he acts when you argue / when he is angry at you 

꙳⸌☆⸍꙳

First of all, what did you do to piss this guy off? I feel like it would be pretty hard to get into an argument with Sean anyway. But if you ever found yourself in that kind of a scenario I think he would be kind of childish. 

Would most definitely tell Daniel that you are cheating on him and get him upset with you as well. Sean would still reply to your texts but playfully dry. 

"You done pouting yet?" 

"I was, now I am not." 

Would 100% tell Daniel to call you and ask if you want to come over to play with him. 

I feel like Sean is the type of person who would gift you something after you guys made it up. Like a plushie, a book, or a drawing. I also think that he would be the person to always say sorry first because he is so used to doing that when he fights with Daniel. 

"Listen I am sorry..."

"La la la I cant hear you." 

"I bought you something..."

ⓘ how he would comfort you if you’re sad 

꙳⸌☆⸍꙳

Okay so if you are ever sad around Sean be ready to get spoiled. Like this dude will cook for you (even though he really isn't the best cook), he will tell Daniel to draw you something to cheer you up, and will definitely watch your favorite movie or listen to your favorite songs. 

"You wanna go out for a walk and a smoke? bet that would cheer you up." 

Sean wouldn't specifically ask you what's wrong but he would always give you the feeling that you can talk to him about everything. Since he is also very used to the role of the protective big brother he would throw hands and come for the person who made you sad in the first place. 

Would always ask you if you needed some alone time and would lock his door so Daniel wouldn't rush in and ask you to play.

I feel like Sean would be the type of person who would talk to his dad about your problems so that he can give you the very best advice ever since he himself is not that good with words. 

authors note: this was so cute to write!! definitely plan on writing more of these if you guys like them :)

[ocn-blvd]

pink bubblegum.

author’s note: was listening to this song while high and couldn’t help myself :3! enjoy <3

warnings: smut, mentions of alcohol consumption, smut, confusing situationship, and smut

the hard candy clanked against your teeth as you sexually hummed at the cruel sucking at your center. you mindlessly followed the slow rhythmic flow of her tongue on the pastel lollipop in your mouth; even catching the spelling of her name on your clit.

the sugary treat matched the color of your skirt and long socks that went past your knees. your nipples hardened to the air that nipped your bare chest, your free hand pinching the bud and massaging the lump of fat from time to time.

it wasn’t unusual for you to be in this position - you under her as she fucked you ‘til you were dumb - but it wasn’t as often as you’d like, as much as you hated to admit it. it was recently when you two started having casual sex; the first time was while the two of you had alcohol in your veins, but you kept doing it despite being involved with someone.

the situationship you shared with another woman was… complicated. no matter how hard you tried, you weren’t receiving the same amount of love you were trying to give. it was exhausting trying to justify and make up unjust reasonings for the erratical behavior out of the sake of what felt like ‘love’.

it didn’t help that this woman cheated on you while you were vacationing in the cold mountains with your family. you only found out when she posted a picture with the two of them on her main snapchat story and not the private story she took you out of. it wasn’t like you two were in an established relationship - but ever since then, things have been rocky.

and of course, ellie knew every major and minor detail of this ridiculous mess of a ‘relationship’. she was the first person you’d think to call and rant to, and she’d always listen on the other line, mentally telling herself that she could treat you so much better. she’d always ask tell you to come over so she could physically comfort you.

when she opened the door to your disheveled eyes that were filled with liquid, staining your face… let’s just say she wasn’t too pleased about it.

she hated seeing you so blue and it contrasted her red; angry at the woman who played with your precious heart and feelings. she knew you didn’t deserve it— and she also knew you were too good for that woman… so why haven’t you left her for her.

it started with ellie engulfing you in her strong arms that wrapped tightly around you, and her head atop of your shoulder, smelling your bubblegum scent that blinded her senses. it was addicting… you were addicting.

she pressed gentle kisses behind your ear and slowly pecked her way to one of your many sweet spots she knows. your breath hitched - just like she expected. she wanted to make you feel better at any cost, and it worked like a charm.

out of all of the women ellie attracted and flirted with her, you caught her eye. you two met at a summer party almost a year ago as dina introduced you to each other; from then on, the sexual chemistry between the two of you was sensible from a mile away.

she liked how you responded to her being rough. pulling at your hair, smacking your ass, and gripping your throat always got a kick out of you. she only found out about this kink when accidentally pulling on your strands in the heat of the moment. when she heard the sigh you made, she dropped her hand. and without disconnecting the slobbery kiss, you connected her hand to the back of your hand again, making her groan as she tugged even harder.

“bet i make you feel so good compared to her…” her words muffled against you as she grated her teeth over your sensitive spot, sending a shiver down your spine and an arch to your back. her mouth, cheeks, and chin were covered in your slick as her face was dug so deep into you. she wanted to suffocate in your scent… in your taste.

“yes- ngh! you… really do..!” you shamelessly cried as you let go of a choked moan, moving the lollipop away from your mouth and gripping ellie’s hair with your free hand, holding her hair up. she studied your face that contorted in pleasure. your eyes occasionally opened to look down at her before rolling to the back of your head.

she hated hearing your cries of sadness but couldn’t get enough of your cries of pleasure. she’d much rather a tear running down your leg than your pretty cheeks - unable to keep her head away from between your thighs.

her hands gripped at your marked inner thighs, causing them to turn a darker shade of purple. she flicked her tongue over your wet clit, that’s overstimulated from your previous orgasms, before sliding the sore muscle into your pussy, moaning at the taste of you. you bucked and rolled your hips against her as she reached her hands to grip your hips, holding you still.

you whimpered and whined at her harsh grip - the pain added on to the pleasure as you moaned a moan ellie could only imagine to hear from you. it will always be her favorite song.

when she was done, she planted smooches on your marked thighs up to your marked neck. you didn’t even bother to complain about them, skipping the possibility of getting caught.

her hazy green eyes dashed over your fucked out face, using her slender thumb to wipe away a tiny tear from the corner of your eyes. she smirked as she stared at you, eventually looking at your lips.

“you look perfect,” she affirmed to you in a hushed tone, letting you know your worth. she always dropped small compliments on you and letting you know how glad she is to have you around.

she daydreamed about moments like this - about all the sexual acts she wanted to do to you. though she didn’t know how you actually felt about her. she didn’t know whether you two had something or were just each other’s flings - and the fear of telling you how she really felt consumed her every time she’d think to ask. or maybe you were just using her for pleasure…

but all her worries lessened in this moment where she had you, laying in her bed, being a moaning mess because of her. if that wasn’t a win, she didn’t know what was.

[rems-writing]

Doberman cafe but a Maltese owns it?

Pairing: barista!Yeosang x office worker!reader

Summary: This will be tied to the dilf YunGi fics I posted a while back but this time, the reader will have no connection to any of the characters. Just a heads up lol

Warning(s): Swearing, yelling, Yeosang being a total softie for the reader, reader is a certified simp for Yeosang (i mean who wouldn't be lol), mentions of a non-Ateez member

Genre: A shit ton of fluff lol

Nets: @blossomnet @mirohs-aurora-society

Originally, I was going to post a Hongjoong fic. However, in observance of the birth of the man named Kang Yeosang, I've decided to post this first before the Joong fic.

Thank you to @bunnliix for helping me decide the order of the remaining fics that I should write and post

The calming effect of the soft jazz music playing in the background of the Doberman Cafe provided much needed soothing effort for those that entered the small coffee shop. From college students to families that wanted a day out, the owner would always greet his customers with a smile.

Kang Yeosang was happy where he was at. After quitting his old job, he found it relaxing to grind coffee and mix in various ingredients to create caffeinated drinks varying from sweet to bitter. He also got some help from his best friend Jung Wooyoung, who was currently in the back baking various pastries. The two have been friends since diapers and they vowed to never abandon the other.

Yeosang has heard tales of Wooyoung's other best friend getting together with Jeong Yunho and the widow of Doh Kyungsoo dating Song Mingi.

When would it be his turn?

Business was slow as usual for today. After all, it was Friday so most of his usual customers weren't coming in which was fine. It gave the man time to relax and rest his hands from making coffee. The bell attached above the front door chimed and Yeosang looked up. He was getting ready to greet the customer with a kind smile when he heard the argument that came through.

"LISTEN, JONES! I DON'T FUCKING CARE IF HE ACTS LIKE A DAMN CHILD THROWING A TANTRUM! HE SHOULD'VE THOUGHT TWICE BEFORE FUCKING CHEATING ON ME!"

Oh dear. This person sounded angry. Wooyoung must've noticed Yeosang's confusion and slight fear since he poked his head out of the back and heard the unintentionally loud conversation this person had with this Jones person.

"HE HAD THE AUDACITY TO SAY THAT?! OH HELL NAH! I'M OVER HERE BUSTING MY ASS LEFT AND RIGHT 24/7 TO BRING FOOD ON THE TABLE AND PAY RENT WHILE HE SITS ON HIS ASS AND DOES ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING! AND YET HE HAS THE GALL TO SAY, 'yOu nEvER mAkE tiMe fOr me' STRAIGHT TO MY FACE?! AT LEAST I DIDN'T SLEEP WITH HIS BEST FRIEND!"

Oh. This just got interesting. As Yeosang saw the customer sit down, he couldn't help but to be smitten with them. Sure, they were angry as hell and very much stressed yet he couldn't help it. He tilted his head and eavesdropped some more. Unintentionally.

"Look, Jones! After gathering the divorce papers, make sure you also provide documents for a restraining order against my soon to be ex-husband. It may be too much, but I don't care. I'm so fucking tired! I'm just... done. Let me know when those papers are finished and fax them to me. My boss won't care. He knows of the shit that's happening to me right now. Hence, that strangely kind offer for me to take a trip down to the Bahamas. Anyways, I have to go. Tell your wife and kids I said hi."

You hung up after your attorney and former college roommate Jones bid you goodbye. You groaned quietly and laid your head on the table that you sat at. You felt someone sit across from you and you were about to tell them to kindly fuck off when you lifted your head and was immediately greeted with a statue staring down at you with big brown eyes that were full of curiosity and wonder.

'HOLY SHIT! I KNOW THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE SAY THAT THE OWNER WAS HANDSOME, BUT THEY CERTAINLY DIDN'T TELL ME HOW HANDSOME! AND HE'S SO CUTE TOO! LIKE A MALTESE!'

'Quit it, Y/N! He probably thinks you're a lunatic with the way he must've heard you scream over the phone.'

'Damn it! Ok I'll stop my simping...'

After you finished internally scolding yourself, you looked down to see him move a white teacup slowly in your direction, along with a slice of cake.

"Hey. I figured you'd need this. I didn't mean to, but I overheard you yelling at someone over a certain douchebag that's also a man-child. Hopefully, this cheers you up." He said in a rich honey-like deep voice.

In the cup was a freshly brewed batch of lavender green tea and on the plate was a slice of black cherry chiffon cake. You smiled sheepishly and thanked him shyly for the treats.

When you sipped the tea, all the stress over your cheating soon-to-be ex-husband washed away and you instantly relaxed. You then picked up your fork and took a piece of the cafe before eating it.

You were in heaven. You definitely needed this.

"Um... thank you." Your voice came out softer than usual and had a twinge of shyness to it. Yeosang smiled and beckoned for Wooyoung to come sit with you.

Wooyoung was extremely sexy, but not as sexy as the man sitting across from you.

"I hope you guys don't mind me coming in here at this ungodly hour. If you haven't heard, I'm... kind of going through a lot right now."

Wooyoung, who was usually loud as hell, softened his voice.

"It's no problem. Fridays are our slowest days and since Saturday is our day off, we usually stay in here until we decide to go home. You're welcome to stay as long as you like."

"Thank you. By the way, these are amazing."

"Thank you! I made the cake." Wooyoung proudly said with a smile.

"And I made the tea." Yeosang said. "Speaking of which, would you like to spill the tea on your oh-so shabby life?"

You found yourself smiling at that and Yeosang found his heart beating rapidly with excitement.

"Oof. Where do I start?"

From there, you spilled the tea on everything. From your recent tragic event to your life in general, you said it all. Yeosang and Wooyoung were sassy and savage and you found yourself giggling at their quick and witty responses. Finally, you felt yourself becoming sleepy and you yawned. Yeosang found the sound cute. Wooyoung cleared the dishes while Yeosang stood up and help you with your things.

"Would it be possible to walk you home? Not only do I enjoy your company but uh... the Namhae Strongman is still out there. You need to stay alive in order to sign those divorce papers and file that restraining order against that ex of yours."

You shivered at the thought of the killer coming after you. Even though you were angry at your ex, you wished him well enough to pray for his safety.

The Namhae Strongman is not someone you'd want to mess with.

"Of course, Yeosang. I live down the block from here so it'll be a short walk."

Yeosang grinned excitedly and your heart ached in adoration for the human personification of a Maltese. After Wooyoung locked up the shop, you three headed to your apartment. You talked some more and kept an eye out for any suspicious activity or sign of the killer. Finally, you reached your apartment.

"Thanks for the walk home. Oh and for the tea & cake as well. How much do I owe you by the way?"

"It's on the house."

"No no, Yeosang. It's ok. I seriously need to repay you-"

"Repay me by giving me your number. So you can send updates."

Wow. He was smooth.

You blushed lightly and nodded before exchanging numbers with him. After that, you bid him goodbye and entered your apartment. You sighed dreamily as you closed the door behind you and locked it. You set your keys on the counter and made your way to the kitchen, where your roommate was still awake.

"So... you got a new man now?" He teased you and smirked at your reaction.

"Shut up, Jongho!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A couple of days later, you found yourself in Doberman Cafe again. Insomnia was being a bitch to you so you woke up way earlier than Jongho. Sighing to yourself, you threw on a hoodie and walked to the coffee shop before looking for the one person you were majorly simping for.

He just so happened to be standing in front of you with a grin on his face.

"Good morning, lovely."

The pet name gave you butterflies.

Yeosang led you to your seat from Friday night and sat down across from you.

"What will it be today?"

"I'll get a caffe mocha with a soymilk substitute and if possible, a slice of that black cherry cake?"

"Ahh. Now with that cake, it only pairs with tea since it's sweet. Unless you have a giant sweet tooth, I'd recommend some of our breakfast sandwiches. Specifically, a roast beef sandwich with a fried egg all on ciabatta bread that's toasted to perfection."

"Ooh! In this case, I'll have that then. And maybe later, when I leave, can I get an iced americano to go?"

"Sure thing, lovely. It'll be $10 by the way. For your order and that iced americano."

You pulled out a $10 bill and gave it to Yeosang before seeing him walk away and do his magic. While you waited, you received a text from Jones.

Jones: Hey. I'd thought I'd stop by and give you the papers myself. Are you home?

You: No. I'm at the Doberman Cafe. I couldn't sleep anymore so I'd figure I'd stop by here and wake myself up.

Jones: Oh? Ok bet. I heard from my wife that the owner is handsome. Maybe I'll see for myself. ;)

Jones: Can't a man appreciate another man's good looks?

You: And I oop -

You: Don't go simping for the barista now, Jones. You're married and he's actually mine fyi

You: Of course you can. Just don't go full on simp mode. XD

Jones: Like you? XD

You: Fuck you <3

Jones: Ew. No thanks <3

You: Hurry with the fuck ass papers, you dickhead.

Jones: Ok ok! XD

"Is that Jones?" Yeosang asked curiously. You would expect the Maltese to be jealous, but since he overheard your conversation two nights away, he wasn't too worried.

"Yeah. He's coming by here to drop off the divorce papers and the necessary documents to file a restraining order." You clarified to him. "I know I said that he'd fax them to me, but I didn't think he would get them that fast. Hence, why he's coming over to drop them off himself."

Yeosang nodded and set your coffee and meal down before sitting next to you. You thanked him and began to eat. You two made small talk and even introduced Yeosang to Jones when Jones came walking in to deliver the papers. Yeosang grabbed a pen and you happily retrieved it from him before signing the papers. After that, Jones put all of those papers away and bid you goodbye before buying a coffee from Yeosang and going home.

A weight lifted off your shoulders and you felt at ease. Yeosang was feeling the same way, especially since he found you attractive.

Little did he know that you felt the same way.

"Now that it has been done, want to turn this little encounter into a date?"

Yeosang was shocked by your boldness but he eventually nodded eagerly.

"I would love nothing more than that."

[its-time-to-write]

ch. 4 - hustling for the good life

table of contents Oh hey it’s Jamie’s side of things

also. I don’t proofread. yes I’m sorry, no I won’t change my ways.

takes one to know one

Here’s the thing. While you’ve been hopping around London, doing interviews and press and meeting all sorts of talented musicians, Jamie’s been doing his own work. Namely, badgering Keeley about his chances with you.

“She’s really pretty,” he confessed in the car on the way home from Isaac and Stella’s. “She’s like, fucking I don’t know, ethereal or some shit.” Keeley’s basically passed out, which is why Jamie is talking so freely. He knows she won’t remember shit. 

“Learned that word the other day,” he continues, “It’s like something you see can can’t totally understand. Or like, out of your league. Anyway, that’s her. Think she was all freaked out, though. Maybe too many people. Weird, innit, international star like her anxious in a crowd of people. But I really liked talking to her. Fuck, Keeley, she’s smart. You can tell in her lyrics.”

Keeley responds with a snore.

Jamie chuckles. “Yeah, alright, we’re almost to Roy’s. Don’t breathe a word of this to anyone, yeah? Like I said, not like she’d go with someone like me anyway.”

—

Jamie severely underestimated Keeley’s ability to retain juicy gossip. Yeah she was sloshed, so much so that Roy had to carry her inside and onto the bed, but that didn’t stop her from sending Jamie a text the next morning that said, ?????? and a gif of your face.

Jamie replied in kind. ??????

U fucking kno what im asking, Keeley replied. U like her.

Jamie responds, that aint a question, keels

Fine, Keeley writes, here’s one

What the fuck did you mean, ‘someone like me????’

Jamie grimaces and puts his phone down. He’ll respond to that later but now, he has to go running around the field and puke his guts out because Roy’s a fucking sadist.

—

Jamie’s been a fan of your music since, like, your first single. He’s not even sure how he first heard it but he did, and then he’d listen to it when no one could catch him.

Then you started gaining popularity, and it was more acceptable for him to listen to your soft yet upbeat songs. He came home one weekend to find his mum playing Blue Glass on a speaker in the kitchen, and they sat down at the counter and listened to the entire album, not speaking the whole time while Simon puttered around cooking dinner.

He’s followed your career through the trade from Manchester to Richmond, then back to Man City and then Richmond again. 

And yeah, he’s had a little bit of a crush.

But god, there’s no fucking way he has a shot in hell. Sure, he’s the Premier League’s top player, but you? You’re on another level.

Paps don’t even bother trying to slander you anymore because they’ll never find a speck of dirt on you. There are always pictures of you volunteering, or visiting kids in hospitals, or petting dogs or some shit. Stuff that’s usually staged, but with you it isn’t.

You’ve never had a scandal hit the papers, always been spotted out with a famous model/actor/singer boyfriend who has never once been seen cheating on you. Jamie wonders if anyone could even consider cheating on someone with as much talent and kindness as you seem to possess.

Anyway, you’d never go for someone with his relatively checkered past. All you have to do is google “Jamie Tartt,” and there he is, making out with models, headlining cheating scandals, and having sex in fucking jacuzzis.

Yeah, you’d never go for it.

But as he’s at training, running drills and practicing goals, he keeps thinking about the way you looked with your feet in the pool, hair blowing softly in the breeze.

He decides to have a serious chat with Keeley.

—

He turns up to Keeley’s house and fucking Roy’s there, except this time it’s not really a surprise. Roy opens the door, scoffs, then walks away. 

“Prick’s here,” he calls to Keeley somewhere in the house, except it’s not as angry as it used to be. Jamie can almost trick himself into thinking it’s affectionate.

“Hello to you too, grandad,” he says to Roy’s back. Roy grunts and heads to the kitchen, presumably to finish making dinner. 

Keeley bounds down the stairs and wraps Jamie in a hug. “Glad you’re here, babe. Now we can have a good chat.”

She leads him to the couch and hands him a fluffy pink pillow, one that Jamie remembers throwing across the room more than once. Fuck, there’s another reminder why he shouldn’t even be thinking of seeing you again. He couldn’t properly emote when he was with Keeley, so how’s he supposed to navigate a serious relationship?

“Oi, stop overthinking,” Keeley says, snapping her fingers in front of his face.

“Weren’t overthinking,” Jamie replies automatically. “And since when are you a mindreader?” 

Keeley grins at that. “I’m not. Your face was just all twisty and shit, which means you’re actually using your brain for once. So come on, out with it.”

Jamie’s not entirely sure where to begin, but he opens his mouth and everything sort of comes spilling out. How he talked to you for ten seconds and is pretty sure he’ll never actually love again. And he’s convinced himself that he might have a shot but then he’s reminded of all his shitty choices and thinks he’ll never measure up but god fucking damnit, he wants something real and yeah, you’re another celebrity, but there’s something about your eyes or maybe it’s the way you move your hands, but he knows for sure that if you were just a regular girl he saw on the street, he’d feel the exact same way. 

Except neither of you are like, actually regular people, but for different reasons. And his fucking shitbag of a father is always looming in the back of his mind, especially since playing Man City the other week, and he won’t let his dad try to have any sort of hold over you because that would be shitty. So anyway, he’s pretty sure that’s everything and he’s probably going to die alone.

Keeley says, “Whoa,” with big eyes once he’s finished, and for a moment Jamie thinks she’s going to call a mental institute, but then she cocks her head and says, “Jamie, you do know that nothing’s actually happened, right? Like, you haven’t even asked her out?” and Jamie realizes that he’s been knee deep in his mind for a fucking long time.

“I mean, Roy’s no saint,” she continues while Roy shouts, “Oi!” from the kitchen, “and we still got together.”

Jamie just looks at her.

“Alright, bad example,” she says. “But hey, you’ll never know if you don’t try. I mean come on, you’re Jamie fucking Tartt! You’re like, the best footballer in all of England! And you’re right fit,” she says just loud enough for Roy to hear.

“I can’t cook for shit,” Jamie says miserably, and Roy barks out a short laugh while Keeley pats Jamie’s arm.

“You’re way too far in your fucking head, babe,” she says sympathetically. “Take it one day at a time, yeah? You don’t even know if you’ll see her again.”

table of contents

[shiviwrites07]

I hope | Angst | K. Bakugo (ft. Izuku. M)

Warnings : Cheating

I, I hope she makes you smile

The way it made me smile

On the other end of a phone

In the middle of a highway driving alone

Oh baby I

I hope you hear a song

That makes you sing along and gets you thinking 'bout her

Then the last several miles turns into a blur, yeah

Katsuki Bakugo is not an unfaithful man. But when it came to you, he didn’t know what he felt after he cheated on you. But he sure as hell didn’t regret choosing the girl he loved over you. He smiled as he talked to her over the phone while driving down the highway. He’s smile falters as his mind plays memories of how he used to smile while talking to you. As her voice fades out, he hears a song, their song. He sings along with it while thinking about his pink cheeks as the last few miles fade out.

I hope you both feel the sparks by the end of the drive

I hope you know she's the one by the end of the night

I hope you never ever felt more free

Tell your friends that you're so happy

I hope she comes along and wrecks every one of your plans

I hope you spend your last dime to put a rock on her hand

I hope she's wilder than your wildest dreams

She's everything you're ever gonna need

And then I hope she cheats

Like you did on me

And then I hope she cheats

Like you did on me

You’re sitting at home, curled up in your couch with a cup of espresso in your hand, listening to heartbreak songs on repeat. You’ve never felt more angry at anyone else. You throw away the diamond ring on your finger, a reminder of you fiancé, now ex- fiancé. It is now nothin more than a painful reminder of the day you caught them at the cafe, Katsuki holding Uraraka’s cheek oh so tenderly, in a way he once used to hold you. Tears well up in your eyes again as your heart hopes that he realises that she’s the love of his life and he feels as free as he’s never felt before. You hope that she shows her true colours only after he’s hopelessly in love with her. You hope that he realises that she’s all he wanted, all he needed and spends all his earnings on buying a beautiful ring for her. You hope that she cheats, like he did on you. 

Yeah babe, I hope she

Shows up in a 2AM pic from her friend

Hanging on to a guy, and you just ain't him

I hope you stay up all night all alone waiting by the phone

And then she calls

And baby I

I hope you work it out

Forgive and just about forget

And take her on a first date again

And when you lean in for a kiss

Bakugo scrolls through his Instagram when he stumbles upon a picture Ochako uploaded. It’s of the party she attended last night. She had her arms wrapped around Four Eyes’s neck and he had her arms wrapped around her waist as they smiled for the camera. He glares at the green angrily when his phone rings. It’s her. They argue for a good while but then say their apologies, Uraraka gaslighting him into thinking it was his fault and him wanting to recreate their first date at the cafe. They meet up at the cafe when he leans in for a kiss and she happily kisss back and they continue their date. 

I hope it goes, comes all the way around

I hope she makes you feel the same way

About her that I feel about you right now

I hope you both feel the sparks by the end of the drive

I hope you know she's the one by the end of the night

I hope you never ever felt more free

Tell your friends that you're so happy

I hope she comes along and wrecks every one of your plans

I hope you spend your last dime to put a rock on her hand

I hope she's wilder than your wildest dreams

She's everything you're ever gonna need

And then I hope she cheats

Like you did on me

And then I hope she cheats

Like you did on me

Like you did on me

You sit at another end of the same cafe, drinking your bitter espresso, smiling as you know what she has been doing behind his back. Few months later, there’s a knock on your door. You open it and are shocked to see Bakugo, his eyes red, filled with regret and guilt. He says that he missed you, he regrets cheating on you. He knows you won’t take him back, but he just wanted to see you once. To realise how badly he messed up. He falls down to his knees as he apologises repeatedly. He stops suddenly as he notices the shining green emerald on your ring finger. He lifts his head as you look down at him sympathetically, a man’s arms wrapped around your waist, his familiar face making tears well up in Bakugo’s eyes. Izuku Midoriya glares at Bakugo as he looks down at him. Bakugo smiles as he kisses you knuckles one last time and stands up to his feet. His last words before walking away were “I love you”. You bury your crying face into Izuku’s neck as his warm presence comforts you, while he too sheds a tear at the man with whom his girlfriend cheated on him.  

[phantompoguefangirl]

WRAPPED AROUND YOUR FINGER

CHAPTER FIVE: FINDING OUT

I admit I'm a bit of a fool for playing by the rules. But I've found my sweet escape when I'm alone with you -Disconnected by 5 Seconds Of Summer

A/N: I messed up Mikey's hair color timeline so I picked a random color for this chapter. Also I own none of these songs or the movie mentioned. Just using them for the fanfic. And because it's fanfic we're gonna pretend this song is by Mia and not Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran. Also TRIGGER WARNING:MORE ABUSE MENTIONED

*Flashback*

MIA P.O.V.

Michael and I seemed to just click from the moment we met and in the span of a few shorts weeks we became the best of friends. When I was with him or even thought about him, I felt a sense of joy and warmth that I had never felt before in my life.

When we started spending time at his house with Ashton, Calum and Luke the joy and warmth intensified. They were simultaneously the goofiest and sweetest boys in the world. Ashton and I clicked almost as much as Michael and I did and sometimes if Michael was busy or Calum and Luke had wrangled him into a fifa tournament I hung out with Ash. I found out Luke secretly loved shopping so sometimes if I was able to go, I'd text Luke and ask him to go with me. This became our thing very quickly. Calum and I mostly played videogames or watched movies together. All in all, it wasn't long before the band house, and the boys themselves, began to feel like home to me.

Of course, I only hung out with them when Jesse was at work or out with his buddies and made sure to always be home before he got home. He didn't really allow me to have friends unless they were also his friends so I had to hide it from him. I hated sneaking around because I did love Jesse and I was terrified of him finding out but I savored those few hours away from everything.

He almost figured it out when my song was released. It kind of sounded like it was about falling for someone but it was really just about Michael pulling me in and making me want to get to know him better as a person. However, I'd accidentally mentioned his green eyes and stuff like that and that was what set Jesse off. We were at home when the song was released and he hadn't heard it till then because he was always too busy. Myself and the studio execs told him it was a really good song and he said to release it as soon as possible. But when he heard it, he lost his shit and started beating the crap out of me, demanding to know who it was about and why I was cheating on him. I ended up having to play it off like the song was about Jesse and how I felt when we first met, which was believable because his eyes were hazel like mine but looked more green a lot of the time. He accepted that after a bit but he stormed out saying he needed a drink and he might be back late or maybe in the morning.

I tried to hold it together but failed as I called Michael as soon as I knew Jesse was gone.

"Hey! I just listened to your song and-" Michael started babbling excitedly, answering on the first ring.

"Michael can I come over? I don't want to be alone right now," I managed to choke out through my sobs.

He turned serious immediately. "Mia, are you okay? What happened?"

I couldn't tell him what really happened so I went with a loose version of the truth.

"No, I'm not okay. Jesse and I got into a f-fight and it was bad," I explained, sniffling as I spoke."He stormed out, probably to go to a bar and get drunk."

I heard him mumble something under his breath that sounded angry but a seconf later he spoke in a soft voice. "Do you want me to come get you or do you want to meet in our usual place?"

"Um, can you actually come get me this time? I just really wanna see you," I said. It wasn't a lie, I did desperately want to see him. But I also was feeling very weak and sore and I didn't think I would be able to walk to our place in this state.

"Text me your address. I'll be right there." He said as I heard his car starting in the background.

"Thank you," I said.

"Of course. Any time," He said before hanging up.

I texted him my address, then slowly got up and made my way to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror. I was in a tank top and my usual skinny jeans and I was covered in bruises. Mostly only in places that clothes covered, like my arms, wrists, legs, stomach, back, etc. He was careful about that. Though sometimes he hit me in the face and he had to get me special makeup to cover it so nobody noticed because of course we can't stain his image or reputation. Today was one of those days, so I got out the special make up and applied it to my face. I'd long since learned how to make it look like a basic foundation, eyeliner and mascara look so nobody suspected. Once I was done with that, I threw on an extra large Rolling Stones pullover sweatshirt. It was Jesse's and he was tall and very broad so it was huge on me and covered everything nicely. I put on my converse, grabbed my phone, keys and bag, and waited for Michael to arrive.

He got there in record time and I winced as I pushed through the pain to hurry out to his car. His hair was now a couple different shades of purple and he wore his usual band tee and black jeans with a denim jacket. He looked perfect as always.

"Hey," He greeted me with a gentle hug. I leaned into his chest and let out a shaky sigh. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I just shook my head against him, holding onto his jacket for dear life.

"That's okay. You don't have to," He said, rubbing my back. "Why don't we just go back to my house and watch a movie?"

I nodded and he let go of me so he could drive. He turned on the radio and A Daydream Away by All Time Low began playing. I quietly sang along as I leaned on his shoulder while he drove home.

MICHAEL P.O.V

I had been antsy all day waiting for Mia's song to drop so I could hear it and once I finally got to, I was speechless with emotions.

"All I knew

This morning when I woke

Is I know something now, know something now I didn't before

And all I've seen

Since eighteen hours ago

Is green eyes and freckles and your smile

In the back of my mind making me feel like

I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now

I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now

I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now

I just wanna know you, know you, know you

'Cause all I know is we said hello

And your eyes look like coming home

All I know is a simple name

And everything has changed

All I know is, you held the door

You'll be mine and I'll be yours

All I know since yesterday, yeah

Is everything has changed"

Mia's beautiful voice rang out from my speakers and I sat there in disbelief as I continued to listen.

"And all my walls

Stood tall painted blue

But I'll take 'em down, take 'em down and open up the door for you

And all I feel

In my stomach, is butterflies

The beautiful kind, making up for lost time

Taking flight, making me feel like

I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now

I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now

I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now

I just wanna know you, know you, know you

'Cause all I know is we said hello

And your eyes look like coming home

All I know is a simple name

And everything has changed

All I know is you held the door

And you'll be mine and I'll be yours

All I know since yesterday, yeah

Is everything has changed

Come back and tell me why

I'm feelin' like I've missed you all this time

(Uh-uh-uh)

And meet me there tonight

And let me know that it's not all in my mind

I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now

I just wanna know you, know you, know you

All I know is we said hello

Your eyes look like coming home

All I know is a simple name

And everything has changed

All I know is you held the door

You'll be mine and I'll be yours

All I know since yesterday, yeah

Is everything has changed

All I know is we said hello

So dust off your highest hopes

All I know is pouring rain

And everything has changed

All I know is a new found grace

All my days, I'll know your face

All I know since yesterday, yeah

Is everything has changed"

Mia wrote that about me? She'd told me I inspired this song but I had no idea how much till now. She probably didn't know this, but honestly every word was exactly how I felt from the second I met her too. I was smiling like an idiot and I couldn't stop. I yelled at the guys to come listen and they adored the song as much as I did.

"Look at your face!" Calum suddenly said, pointing at me."I reckon our little Mikey is in LOVE!"

I must have still been grinning, even though the music stopped playing.

"Ooohhh really?" Luke and Ash said together in a teasing tone.

"Very funny Cal," I said rolling my eyes. "She has a boyfriend, remember?"

"That doesn't mean you're not in love with her." He said, smirking.

"Yeah but I'm not, so why don't you do me favor and fuck off." I said the last part sarcastically, flipping him off.

"Yeah you keep telling yourself that, mate," Calum chuckled as he walked out of my room. Ash and Luke laughed as they followed him.

I rolled my eyes again as I turned back to my computer. I saved the song to my computer and my phone. I was about to call Mia but her ringtone, which was Don't Stop Believing by Journey(one of her favorite songs), started blaring from my phone before I could.

Her broken voice on the other end of the phone told me that something really bad had happened and I wanted to kick Jesse's ass for making her cry. I pushed my feelings aside and I was in my car before I even asked if she wanted me to pick her up or meet.

When I got to Mia's house, I was surprised to see that it was a fancy mansion near Sunset Boulevard. She wasn't famous enough to afford that quite yet, though I knew she would be soon. Her boyfriend must be rich or something. She ran out to my car and I could see the pain in her eyes so I just hugged her for a moment. She didn't want to talk about it so I just took her to my house.

She looked tired so I carried her inside to the movie room. She mumbled something about loving my hair which made me chuckle. I'd forgotten I dyed it again last night, but I was glad she liked it. I set her down on the reclining couch and told her I'd be right back. I ran up to my room, discarded my jacket, grabbed pillows and blankets and brought them to the movie room. I set everything up and put on The Lion King 2: Simba's Pride, which is one of her favorite disney movies. I snuggled with her and wrapped my black comforter around us. She rested her head on my chest and I brushed my fingers through her hair while we watched the movie. We both started dozing off around 3/4 of the way through the movie when Kiara and Kovu were having their moment while Love Will Find A Way started playing.

I was abruptly awoken by Mia jumping up from the couch and groaning in pain as her foot got caught in the blankets and she fell to the floor.

"Mia?! Are you okay?" I exclaimed as I went to help her up.

"I'm fine. It's just late and I have to-" But I was not paying attention to her words because standing up shifted her oversized sweatshirt off of her shoulder and revealed a dark purple and blue hand print shaped bruise on her shoulder/upper arm.

"Oh my god, your shoulder," I said as I grabbed her wrist to bring her in for a closer look but she made a pained sound so I quickly loosened my grip. Confused, I pushed her sleeve up and found more bruises on her wrist and arm.

"What the fuck is-" I started to say, but she yanked her hand away and pulled her sleeve down.

"It's nothing," she said, moving the top part of her sweatshirt back into place as well.

"That's not nothing. Did Jesse do this to you?" I asked, worriedly.

"I-um...just...don't worry about it, Michael. It's none of your business," she insisted, backing toward the door.

"None of my-...Mia, you're my best friend and I care about you. Of course it's my business!" I exclaimed as I looked at her with wide eyes.

"Well, I don't want to talk about it. I have to go before he gets home," She said, turning to open the door.

"No wait!" I said, bringing her back to face me. I noticed a very faint darkness around her eye under her makeup that could pass as sleep deprivation but I knew better. Motherfucker had given her a black eye. I was torn between rage and and worry. But I purposely kept my voice calm for her. "Don't go back there. Just stay here and we'll keep you safe. You know we will."

"Michael, stop. You don't understand." She said, pulling away from me and looking down. The broken voice had returned and I could see tears dropping onto her sleeves.

I lifted her face so I could look into her eyes. "So help me to understand."

She gazed up at me for a moment and her eyes flooded over as she spoke.

"It's not just about my safety. Jesse's a big executive in the music world and holds all my contracts. He controls my career. He controls my money. He controls EVERYTHING. He could probably even ruin your career if he finds out about you and I won't let that happen. I have to go back to him or I'll lose everything and you could too."

I stood there in shock for a minute, absorbing this information. That explained the mansion and her eyes darting around and the rushing to leave and everything. Her boyfriend was an absolute piece of shit who used his power to control and abuse her.

I pulled her into my arms and held her close. "Hey, shhh, it's gonna be okay. We'll figure it out."

I doubted this asshole could do anything to my career or the band. We got lucky and had a pretty powerful management and legal team. Actually, maybe they could help with this situation.

"Hold on, I have an idea," I said, explaining it to her and then taking her with me to find the boys. Turned out they were in the downstairs studio messing around with their instruments. Feldy was there too.

I had Mia sit with the guys while I talked to Feldy alone. He agreed to help and got on the phone immediately. It was actually not as late as we thought so he was able to contact the appropriate people fairly easily. When he was done we went back to the others and I let Mia know that the plan would work.

"What plan? What's going on?" Ashton asked.

"It's up to you if you want to tell them or not," I told Mia.

She debated for a moment before standing up and removing her sweatshirt. She wore a basic grey tank top underneath and her arms, chest and back were all discolored by different levels of bruises. There were yellowing ones under the fresh purple ones. she lifted her tank top a little to reveal more layers of violet, blue, green and yellow on her stomach.

"OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED? WHO DID THIS TO YOU?!" Ashton shouted, running over to her.

Calum and Luke flipped out too and started badgering her with questions.

Feldy remained calm but I could tell he was trying very hard to hold it together.

I just gaped at her in horror. It was painful to see her like this, like I felt each blow along with her. I worked to control my emotions while she explained everything to them. I helped her put her sweatshirt back on while I told them my idea and the boys were obviously on board.

We sat there planning for a long time, all the while reassuring Mia that everything would be okay...

@jetblackbritt13

[starrygalaxy04]

"Psycho" {MLQC Lucien x Reader}

Summary : After a bad breakup, you use singing as your coping mechanism. You just happened to be singing a little too loud, and Lucien comes in to check on you and even joins in. (Gavin is an OC, not the MLQC character)

(Song used in this fic is "Psycho" by Taylor Acorn)

(Characters except Reader are not mine, neither is the song!!!)

You just couldn't keep it together. The anger, the pain, it all was desperate to be set free. Gavin had cheated yet again, a serial cheater in the worst way. This was the last straw, and when you said you were done, he spat the harshest words at you. Called you every single insult in the book that every scorned and unwilling-to-take-accountability boyfriend would throw at his girl before she left.

So now you're back home, your heels cast aside as your Spotify blares from your TV. You know you have neighbors, but can't bring yourself to care as you blare your angry playlist, singing and screaming at the top of your lungs. Your ruined mascara has long dried, and your hair is a mess of tangles. You just keep singing, venting out all of those emotions you could never vent any way else.

A knock on the door breaks you out of your singing binge. Surely it was a neighbor who was about to fuss at you to turn the music down. You huff before opening the door, only to find a concerned Lucien standing behind it. His pale eyes are wistful with a hint of concern as he looks down at you.

"Are you alright? You're blaring your angry songs."

Out of everyone you knew, Lucien was the only one who knew just by the song what playlist you were listening to. He had become so accustomed to your music taste that a single song would tell him entirely how you felt. You don't reply, instead moving aside so he can come in.

He walks in, taking in the state of the living room as you shut the door. There's half eaten take out, which you planned on finishing before you began your singing binge. Your shoes rest in two entirely different places, and your jacket is slung over the back of the couch. The TV is still playing songs from a playlist simply titled "ANGY". Yes, something was definitely wrong.

Lucien looks back at you with furrowed brows as the song changes, your eyes glued to the lyrics scrolling on the screen. Its the staple song you picked out for that good-for-nothing man. Lucien looks at the lyrics then to you, waiting for the damn to break. You're silent til the chorus, and then you begin screaming all over again.

"So, let's play a game

Where I throw a little brick through your pretty little face You're easy on the eyes but you're easier to hate An angel's gonna fall if you come around If my name's still on your tongue, then I'll rip it out

Since I'm already the bad guy in your head, I'll hit you with my car and I'll leave you for dead And I'll always like the view from the high road but baby for you, I'll be your psycho I'll be your psycho

I'll be your psycho

I'll be your psycho"

Lucien seems to easily put two and two together, coaxing you into sitting down as you continue to sing, tears streaming down your face as you scream the chorus one last time. It seems to be cathartic for you, so he lets you. The lyrics don't even seem to phase him as he wraps a comforting arm around you.

He doesn't ask questions as the song ends. He doesn't have to. He simply hands you your takeout, making sure you finish eating before getting you a glass of water. He watches you, makes sure you drink it, before he turns down the volume of the music.

"I assume things went for the worst?" He looks almost sad, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder.

He had been partly your therapist throughout this entire relationship and had been the first one to suggest that if your ex was standing you up he wasn't the right fit. He hadn't pushed you on it, but you know part of him loves and hates to be proven right. He's proud of you for doing the right thing, but is also here to listen to you. Whether its depressed or sad rambling, or just screaming angry songs to get those emotions out.

"Want me to join in?"

His voice is soft, a smile on his lips. You wordlessly nod, changing the song to something he's more familiar with. You both sing along, albeit much more quietly, spending the night in the comfort of his arms. It would take a while for the wounds to heal, but with Lucien around it didn't seem so bad.

[lafleshlumpeater]

lover thoughts:

i forgot that you existed:

cruel summer: 5/5

' "i love you," ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?'

i'm actually so not normal about this song. every time i tell myself i've gotten over it, i listen to it again and literally start thrumming on the spot. cruel summer will always have a place in my heart above all other songs bc it's what got me listening to the rest of taylor's songs. it gives me a lot of forbidden love/one sided love pining vibes, two of my favourite tropes. the bridge is so fun to scream to, it's such a summer song, and it just slaps differently. will never not be good to me tbh, it doesn't deserve ANY hate

lover: 4.25/5

'have i known you twenty seconds, or twenty years?'

the one and only title track. it embodies the full album so well, and is just such a masterpiece. i usually don't like the title tracks of taylor's albums as much as the others, however lover is probably the only exception. every time this song plays, you just think of THAT person. beautiful. the only reason i haven't given this song 5/5 is because sometimes i MIGHT skip lover if i've had a bad day or just not in the mood- basically it's not a song that uplifts you or can be played whenever. on the other hand i gave it an extra 0.25 because of the live performance of lover the first show after the breakup was announced officially- seeing the opposite and sad side of that song which i had never even thought about made me love this song so much more

the man: 4/5

'when everyone believes ya, what's that like?'

I SIMPLY DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS SONG GETS SO MUCH HATE?? it's such a bop, and i can only dream of angry singing this with a huge crowd with thousands of other girls. it's the perfect angry iconic song, and i can't remember ever skipping it. also the blazers and silver + red bottomed shoes from the eras tour are so iconic. again, i can't think of a negative element of this song except that i don't think it directly links to the main theme of the album, however it still somehow fits. i also like how the lyrics aren't saying that all men lie, cheat, are narcissistic, etc but instead how people disregard these things ONLY when they're done by men, however accuse women of these same things

the archer: 1.5/5

'screaming, who could ever leave me, darling? but who could stay?'

listen. i can't like this song, and i have genuinely tried. i'm not sure what it is, maybe the constant repetition of the same lyrics (but i understand that was done deliberately to create a certain effect). one thing i can give it credit for, however, is that i think the lyrics and the beat convey exactly the message and emotions she wanted it to convey. but yeah. i'm not particularly partial to many of the track fives either. also don't attack me but i've been waiting for this to be cut from the setlist forever BUT another thing i can give it credit for is the iconic 'the archer' pose

i think he knows: 4.75/5

'he's so obsessed with me, and boy i understand- boy i understand'

again, another underrated bop. tbh i never took much interest in this song, but a few weeks back i heard it for the first time in a while and it just went so hard. the clicking beat in the back (listen, i don't know my musical terms), the LYRICS, the implications of the song contrasting the kinda upbeat happy-go-lucky sound of it is just so good and quite unlike taylor's usually style. also, one thing she doesn't do enough in her song's that i'm OBSESSED with is singing particular lyrics in such a way that you can hear her expressions (like the cheeky smile you can hear in the lyric i wrote above, and in 'it's like i'm seventeen no-one understand, no-one understands'), and because she does this TWICE in one song makes it so precious to me. idk i'm just such a i think he knows defender it's so slept on

miss americana and the heartbreak prince: 3.75/5

'boys will be boys then, where are the wise men?'

THIS SONG IS SO GOOD. like to me this song has always been the embodiment of taylor and just the journey she's been through and everything that's happened along the way (even though it doesn't explicitly mention anything, but that's just the vibes it gives me). opening the eras tour with this song was such a good choice that tbh i never expected, but yeah. again, the hate for this song is so unsolicited like... the only reason i haven't given this song a higher score is because it's a great song, but when compared to the rest of the album, it's not one of my tops.

paper rings: 3.75/5

'i hate accidents except when we went from friends to this'

WHY SO MUCH HATE FOR SUCH A CUTE SONG?? this song is so fun and i love listening to paper rings sped up to practically rap to it 😭😭 it literally embodies the friends to lovers trope so well, and it's so FUN i honestly don't understand the hate. it was actually one of the first songs from lover that i listened to. again, the only reason this isn't ranked higher is because this would definitely be in my top ten lover songs, but not top five. also, like lover, sometimes you're just angry or sad and this is definitely NOT the song for those sort of moods

cornelia street: 5/5

'and baby, i get mystified by how this city screams your name'

I DESPISE MY PAST SELF FOR INITIALLY NOT LIKING THIS SONG. i could go on and on about cornelia street for hours, it's the perfect mix of bittersweet and a cute love song. tbh, i've always considered it a sweet song until i saw the performance of when she did it acoustic as a surprise song, and girl was ANGRY (if there's something anyone should know about my ts preferences, is that i am OBSESSED with her angry performances- they give songs so much more meaning and offer a very different perspectives to songs in some cases), and ever since then i've only ever seen it as a resentful and reminiscing breakup song. also i've only just realised after listening to cornelia street and false god back to back that she says 'i get mystified by how this city screams your name' and in false god she says 'i'm new york city'... ughhh i will never get over this song

death by a thousand cuts: 2.5/5

'my heart, my hips, my body, my love, trying to find a part of me that you didn't touch'

again, this song is so great but i feel like it doesn't resonate with me as much as it does with others. like yes i will sing along (and scream the bridge, bc it carries the whole song in my opinion) but i would much rather listen to something else off of lover. but i can definitely see myself coming to love this song so much if i put the effort in, but to be perfectly honest i have not done that 😭😭

london boy: 4.25/5

'show me a grey sky, a rainy cab ride, babe don't threaten me with a good time'

yet again. why so much hate for such a cute song?? it captures the feeling of being in love so well, and it's just so upbeat and fun. also, after the breakup and 'so long, london', it hits so different and in a good way tbh. it was also one of the first songs from lover that i genuinely would never skip, and for that reason i listened to it too much (which is why i didn't rank it a little higher). london boy is such a bop and i will never be convinced otherwise

soon you'll get better:

false god: 5/5

'and you can't talk to me when i'm like this, daring you to leave me just so i can try and scare you'

everyone and their MOTHER knows how obsessed i am with this song. i will never, ever get sick of it and it's so slept on!! why does everyone always rank it so low?? the jazzy saxophone, the outro, the metaphors, everything about this song just slaps so hard. definitely in my top five ts songs out of all her albums, i just love it so much. no words for this song except for perfection. taylor really ate with this and only few can recognise it, i really wish she would write more false god/so it goes/i don't wanna live forever/dress-esque songs

you need to calm down: 3.25/5

'and we see you over there on the internet, comparing all the girls who are killing it'

this song is honestly such a bop and fine to vibe to but again... compared to other songs on lover it would not be ranked very high. the bridge is so fun tho and her expressions she makes during singing the bridge at the eras tour are so fun. also i more often than not find myself skipping it but at the same time i do find myself craving it. also the 'idon'twannamesswithyourselfexpression' part is so fun to rap to fr

afterglow: 4.5/5

'this ultraviolet morning light below, tell me this love is worth the fight, oh'

i don't think afterglow is AS underrated as some others, but i feel like it's really overshadowed by daylight. the 'woah's and 'oh's in this song are SO GOOD, and the lyrics are just out of this world. tbh i've only really started being obsessed with this song recently, but it's genuinely such a banger. the performance of it at the eras tour was SO GOOD, genuinely made me want to cry. it's kind of like cornelia street, in the sense that it initially sounds like a sweet, yearning love song but is really just 'you're losing me' prior to the realisation that a relationship needs effort from both sides to make it work...

me!: 3/5

'and when we had that fight out in the rain, you ran after me and called my name'

I WILL ALWAYS DEFEND THIS SONG. it's so fun and upbeat, and (i think?) one of the few songs which highlight individuality and being different. i don't understand the hate for it, and it's genuinely disappointing to see how some people reacted to having me as a surprise song at the eras tour- i can sympathise with not liking the song, but being downright annoyed or angry is unjustified. i feel like if people genuinely tried to like it, they could- also, i think i feel like it's a 'thing' now where people just hate me! only because everyone else does, because in some comments sections you'll find EVERYONE defending it and in others EVERYONE absolutely slamming it

it's nice to have a friend: 3.25/5

'light pink sky up on the roof, sun sinks down, no curfew'

again, underrated and slept on. i like the 'ooh's throughout the whole song, it makes it sound so nostalgic and makes you miss something that you never had. i love the platonic aspect of this song as well as the undertones of friends to lovers- it's one of those songs that will never be uninteresting. the only reason i have not ranked it higher is yet again, there are other songs on lover that i would choose over inthaf any day

daylight: 3.75/5

'i don't wanna look at anything else now that i saw you'

this would probably be a little higher however afterglow really outdoes this song for me (idk why but i've always associated these two songs together 😭😭. however i will say this bridge was written so well, however i'm not sure if i like the key change in the bridge, i prefer the lower (again, forgive my lack of technical terms ejhdbjwh) pitch/tone she sings the rest of the song in. but i do like the fact that this is the last track of the album, i think it really fits and is just such a great conclusion to the whole thing, and the whole idea about there being 'daylight' after a 'dark night' and how that parallels that this song is the last on lover.

[speakingagain]

5.5.2024

Dear Zackary,

We both held music dearly to our hearts. You could spout out facts for hours on end about different bands and pieces and albums.

For me, music was an escape, a safe space, my emotional pit. I could be free from the emotions or I could finally feel them. It was my freedom.

It's been almost a year to date since I left. And I think I have been in the 'anger' stage of grieving for a long while now.

But yesterday I discovered a song. It's absolutely beautiful. The way it delves into the deep haunting notes of a cello, into the higher soothing and hopeful notes of the violins. It is a whole story in a few pages of music.

And the very few lyrics in the song, broke me the moment I heard the scream of "I loved you."

It shattered everything I'd built up as a protection for myself.

It disintegrated every wall, every brick. And I stood, undefended, feeling the music seeping into my bones. I could feel my heartbeat and it seemed to thump extra heavily with the heavy beats of the drums.

And it did something amazing.

I felt inspired for the first time. Not ever, of course. But in months. A year almost.

I was worried I'd lost it.

I could see the paint strokes, I could see the golds glistening in the light. I could see the hope and pain and the growth and death and everything forming on a canvas as a goddess formed.

Yearning for her lost love. Yearning for the good and the bad. Yearning to feel complete. Yearning to complete herself. Yearning to be loved as she thought she was. And finally knowing she was loved and good and bad and complete because she had loved them.

She had won. She had loved. She had lost and gained and broke and rebuilt. She had won.

Then, the song made me cry today. I listened to it a second time, same process as the night before.

Dark room, fan on, music playing, and I stared at my ceiling. I felt the beat in my chest, the cries in her growl as she sang with her whole body and her whole heart.

"And you loved me too."

Fuck.

The next stage of grieving had begun with a single sentence.

I think I would rather be angry.

I know, it's not linear. I know it isn't always the same stage, one after another. There's no time limit per stage. Yeah yeah. I know.

But if my life has taught me anything thus far, it's that people can love you and still do things to hurt you.

Them doing those things doesn't automatically mean that they secretly hated you.

It means they are human and make mistakes. It means they chose the path they wanted. It means they are going in a different direction and choosing themselves.

And I can say "I would never have cheated on my spouse."

But honestly, I don't know what I would do.

Morally, it's fucked up. I know what it feels like to be cheated on. I know what it does to a person. I know what it does to a family. I know it hurts everyone involved, indirectly or directly.

But until I had the opportunity, I never knew what I would do.

I still didn't cheat when given the opportunity. It was never an option for me.

Their love never changed. Your love never changed. It never grew.

I had assumed wrong.

I loved you more.

And you did love me. Of course you did. I felt it. I saw it. I revelled in it.

But it was so much weaker than I could have imagined.

And that's my fault for settling for such a weak love. I deserved better, and I think I knew it too. I just wanted the love I could give. I did give. I wanted to prove I was loveable and I was going to get out and do better.

Love was never meant to be an escape. And for that, I am sorry.

Thank you for loving me what you were capable of. The last six years were some of the worst years of my life. But some of the best too.

Thank you for showing me I could be loved. Thank you for showing me I deserved better.

Thank you for ending the love so I could find what I deserve.

And I'm so sorry for your loss.

I can solidly say, I won.

I was loved. I loved.

I grew. I learned. I am completing myself.

I am loving myself.

I am not 100% there just yet. But I'm getting there.

So thank you. And go fuck yourself, kindly.

No longer your love,

Or your other half,

Mae.

[dorefasolsido]

4.

Put your music library on shuffle (or just pick some random songs) and answer a few questions for each one.

by chasingghosts

❀ Song One ❀

What's the song?

I Hate Everything About You by Three Days Grace.

When did this song come out?

2003, wooow. Literally 20 years ago.

Would you recommend this song to someone?

Sure, love that song, takes me back to high school. Whoever’s feeling angsty or sad would probably really feel it.

Do you know how to play this song on an instrument? (or would you like to learn?)

I don’t play any instruments, but if I knew how to play a guitar, sure.

❀ Song Two ❀

What's the song?

Promise by Jimin.

Do you remember how you discovered this song?

Hmm, not really. I guess I just stumbled upon it when exploring BTS discography. And since then it has become my comfort song.

What genre would you classify this song as?

Uhh, no idea? Like a sweet, acoustic ballad.

Have you ever been obsessed with or fixated on this song?

Not obsessed or fixated but whenever I need a little pick-me-up, I play this and it feels like a warm hug from your best friend.

❀ Song Three ❀

What's the song?

Outro: Tear by BTS

Could you dance to this song?

You could definitely jump to this one.

Does this song remind you of anyone?

No, but somehow I always think of J-hope for this one, even though the whole rapline performs it.

What’s the tempo of this song?

Intense, fast, the song feels almost like a desperate cry in a way.

❀ Song Four ❀

What's the song?

Fine Again by Seether

Have you ever seen this song performed live?

No, and I doubt I ever will. I pretty much only listen to this song from Seether's discography.

What is the name of the album this song is on?

Well, I cheated and looked it up, it’s called Fragile.

Does this song ever get stuck in your head?

There was a time when it was nonstop in my head. I think I was going through stuff at the time, and it’s kinda perfect for those moments.

❀ Song Five ❀

What's the song?

I’m Fine by BTS

Does this song have male or female vocals?

Only male.

Do you like the lyrics of this song?

Yeah, actually, I like how it’s about being your own support and pulling yourself out of hardships instead of relying on someone else. I also like how it’s a direct answer to Save Me they made a few years prior, and it shows the change and progress of their attitudes in general.

Does this song remind you of any particular period of your life?

Just my early Army days when I would mix up whether it’s Save Me or I’m Fine based on the first few notes of the song. The beginning is intentionally similar, but obviously nothing else is the same.

❀ Song Six ❀

What's the song?

Fake Love by BTS

Would you say this is one of your favourite songs?

Actually yes. I owe a lot to this song.

When did you first discover this song?

Last March, and it was actually one of the first songs I heard by BTS and the song that got me into the band. My sister and I decided to show our mum some K-pop (though neither of us were K-pop fans lol), and so we looked up BTS as one of the only bands we'd heard about, stumbled upon their 2018 MAMA performance of Fake Love, Airplane pt. 2 and Idol, and were completely blown away. And the rest is history.

❀ Song Seven ❀

What's the song?

Loooool Scream by Troy Bolton from High School Musical 3.

Is this song a genre you would regularly listen to?

Not at all, but I love this dramatic song. I remember when I downloaded it too and I know that I was feeling very dramatic myself lmao

Has this song ever been in a popular chart like Billboard?

I highly doubt it.

Is this song on any of your playlists?

Nope.

❀ Song Eight ❀

What's the song?

Crawl Away by Tool

Do you like to sing along to this song?

When I’m angry, yes. I don’t think I know all lyrics entirely, but yes. It also makes me sad though, so I don’t listen to it too often.

What’s the emotion of this song?

Anger, desperation, disappointment, it’s pretty vengeful too in some way.

Have you ever seen this artist perform live?

Yessssss, in 2019! I was so excited and it was insane. I honestly still feel like that whole festival day was a dream.

❀ Song Nine ❀

What's the song?

Bury a friend by Billie Eilish.

Does this song have more than one singer?

No, but you can hear a guy say her name at the beginning.

Do you know any other songs from the album this song is on?

I think so, yeah.

Would you play this song at a party?

It’s not exactly a party song, but I can imagine that it might work at a certain darker type of party.

❀ Song Ten ❀

What's the song?

Closer by NIN

Is the artist who performs this song one of your favourites?

No, but I like a few of their songs.

Do you know all the lyrics to this song?

I believe so.

Is there a music video for this song, and have you seen it?

Oh I’ve seen it. Back in high school I was very much like wtf is happening, but I guess you just kind grow numb to it all with age

[fangsup-cobrastyle]

Also important to note that rock music has been my thing to some extent for as long as I can remember.

Started off with Radio Disney rock (Simple Plan and Bowling For Soup radio edits, Avril Lavigne Hit Clips that I totally wore out, etc.)

Then there was my "I wanna be a rockstar!" phase where I tried as hard as I could to be just like Miley Cyrus because she was the biggest rockstar I could think of

I took a little break from it during my Big Time Rush/Justin Bieber phase, but I've found old journal entries from when I discovered indie rock bands towards the end of that phase where I "felt like I was cheating on BTR" but "idk rock music is just so good!!!"

That immediately led me into my first emo phase (I don't really consider this current phase an "emo" phase so much as my first punk phase, or maybe just who I am now). I fully discovered emo rock at that point and got super into MCR, All Time Low, Never Shout Never, Mayday Parade, Circa Survive, Black Veil Brides, etc.

In high school, I took a little break from rock when I got into musical theater, but that inevitably led me right back where I started when I discovered my favorite show of all time, Hedwig and the Angry Inch. It's a punk rock musical! What could be better than that?? I spent years training my voice to be deeper so that I could play the (trans?) male character before realizing that the range of my voice wasn't the only issue. This show also got me into 80s rock, specifically Lou Reed and Bowie.

After that phase, we went straight into folk punk and midwest emo for most of college - I almost exclusively listened to Mal Blum and The Front Bottoms for like a year.

And then, the pandemic hit, and I got hit with the sudden urge to listen to Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge again. And as a semi-pro musician, all that did was drag me deeper and deeper into the world of rock music. I started listening to full Fall Out Boy/Cobra Starship albums when I only really listened to their most popular songs before. Cobra Starship led me to Midtown which opened up a whole new world of punk music for me. As did finding out about all the bands Frank Iero has been a part of.

And now I'm here, and I'm questioning if I really love this music enough to dedicate all my time and money to it. What if all these examples are just confirmation bias?

But then again, what if they're not? What if this is what I was always meant to do? I love playing coffee houses and writing songs for me and my guitar, but I've never gotten the feeling from hearing a singer-songwriter that I get from hearing a punk band. I can't let go and spill my heart out when I'm playing the soft music I write. I kinda want to try ripping myself apart onstage for everyone to see.

[harryscherrypie]

I'm dating your boss, surprise

CEO!Harry Styles x fem!reader

summary - You and Harry go to his work event, where you meet your cheating ex-boyfriend Adam. Coincidentally, you are dating the head of the company he has been working at.

warnings - mentions of violence,harassment , mentions of cheating, fluff, angst

wordcount - 2,8k

a/n - CEO Harry fics have my heart so I finally got around to writing one, so enjoy.

----

"Are you ready, my love?" Harry called from your walk-in closet and you rolled your eyes at his impatience. On the other hand, you could understand it. This was the first time you were going to be in public at one of Harry's work parties. He has always been the center of attention as the CEO of the company and you knew it wouldn't be any different this time around, especially with this being the first time in the history of the company he was going to have his partner accompany him.

You've only been dating for around 8 months, but it has already been one of the best relationships you've ever been in. You got together completely by accident when you bumped into him in the lobby of his firm about two and a half years ago. You were very distressed, because you caught your boyfriend of 3 years, Adam, cheating on you with one of his colleagues. Adam has worked at Pleasing for at least 4 years as an accountant in the financial department.

You were very shocked and Harry helped you through the panic attack you were on the verge of. He kindly took you to the coffee shop on the other side of the street where you sat in the corner, letting you calm down and actually realize what had happened to you. You stayed there for over an hour, sipping on your respective teas as you told Harry everything that had happened in the last few hours.

He was angry. He hated the thought of cheating and everyone who would do so was a scumbag in his eyes. He didn't want someone like that working for him, but you convinced him to not fire your now ex-boyfriend.

Soon after, he left you in the coffee shop, because he had to get to a very important meeting with the board of directors. He wrote his number on a clean napkin and handed it to you, saying that you should catch up sometime. With that, he left and handed the barista a hundred-pound bill.

The first few weeks after, you didn't have any contact with him. You were too busy packing your things from his flat and moving in with your best friend Rachel. On the other hand, you couldn't stop thinking about Harry. About the coffee shop, and about the first time you've ever met.

The coffee shop conversation wasn't the first time you talked to him. You briefly talked at one of the company's galas about two years ago when your then-boyfriend left you on the sidelines of the dance floor because he went out for a cigarette with some of his buddies. You sipped on your fancy champagne, careful not to smear your lipstick too much. A soft song started playing and you saw a figure in the corner of your eye. You quickly recognized the CEO of the company and assumed he was taking another glass of champagne from the waiter who was permanently situated on the spot behind you. Instead, you heard him clear his throat and reach his empty hand out for you, asking if you would like to dance, charmingly.

You knew your boyfriend would kill you if you didn't dance with the boss of his boss of his boss and didn't talk to him about your boyfriend, so you agreed and he quickly led you to the middle of the room. He was a wonderful dancer. He effortlessly led you through the dance, not stumbling even once.

You made small talk, mainly about your boyfriend's position in his company, but also about the gala and if you liked the music and the decorations. You went on a rant about the beautiful contrast of the main colors of the event, your eyes sparkling with happiness. As an artist, colors were always very important to you and made everything more pleasurable, especially if they were put into a good combination. Harry listened to you, looking you in the eyes as you quickly switched from dancing to just swaying to the tune of the music.

Of course, your boyfriend had to come in and ruin the nice conversation when he pulled you away and told you you were going to a pub with his friends at that very moment. You quickly said your goodbye to Harry as Adam pulled you outside of the gorgeous room.

When you were settled into Rachel's apartment, you finally had a little bit of time for yourself. As you lay on the couch, waiting for Rachel's late shift to end so you could go out and eat somewhere, you remembered the napkin with Harry's number written on it. Looking back at the situation, you were quite a handful. You decided to give him a call and invite him somewhere out for tea, for which you would pay this time around.

You slowly typed the phone number in, checking each number at least 3 times before you took a deep breath and hit the call button.

The phone rang a few times before Harry's voice rang through into your ears. He sounded very professional, introducing himself and asking if he could help you with anything. You introduced yourself, nervously playing with the strings of your hoodie.

His tone suddenly changed into a lighter one, very similar to the one he used when he was trying to calm you down from your almost panic attack. You invited him out for a cup of tea, as a thank-you for everything he had done for you the last time, and he agreed.

That was almost three and a half years ago. You didn't get together instantly, mainly because you still needed to get over Adam and get your mental health in check after the incident, no matter how much you already liked Harry. You were friends for more than a year before kissing him on the balcony of the club where he was celebrating his 32nd birthday.

You made your relationship official just a day after the party with a bad hangover and messy hair, sipping on a shared protein shake in his kitchen.

"Don't be impatient, perfection takes time," you called back as you poked your tongue out to concentrate on making a symmetrical eyeliner on your left eye.

"But you already are perfect," he called out, even closer to the door than before.

"Flattery won't get you anywhere, Styles," you smiled and closed the eyeliner. You sprayed a fixation spray on your face, grimacing a bit when a tiny bit of it got on your tongue somehow.

"Close your eyes, I'm coming out,"

You opened the door and immediately saw Harry sitting on the bed with his head in his palms. You fixed your silk bathrobe a tiny bit and took a deep breath.

"Okay, you can look," Harry swiftly looked up, his mouth opening up slightly as he looked at you.

"My beautiful, beautiful girl, how did I get so lucky to have you in my life?" He whispered and pulled you to sit on his lap. Your face heated up as you looked away, feeling bashful from the praise.

"I'm the one asking myself that, hot and rich, what else could I want?" You teased and he grinned.

"Let's get you into the dress, my love, we need to leave soon," he whispered against the skin of your cheek and pecked your lips a few times. You reveled in the feeling of his arms wrapped around you before you stood up and moved into the walk-in closet, where your dress was already hanging in the dust cover. Harry had it made especially for you, to match his suit.

The work gala this year was moved from Christmas to the end of October, because of the 8th anniversary of the company. The theme was flowers. Very simple, very straightforward theme that the two of you agreed on after you've seen the most fitting dress on Instagram, made by your favorite up-and-rising fashion designer. Harry announced the theme to the director's board when you got in touch with the designer, and she confirmed that she could make the dress for you, and also design a matching suit for Harry.

You took a few moments admiring the dress from afar before Harry pinched your arm in warning as if to say 'hurry up'. You shooed him out of the closet and almost waltzed to the dress, excited to wear the masterpiece.

"Come and zip my dress up please," you called out. You didn't have to ask twice because just a few seconds later, Harry was already in the room, his fingertips dancing over the exposed skin of your bare back.

"The color suits your skin so much, we picked out good," He kissed the skin of your neck, making a pleasant shiver run through your spine.

Harry zipped up your dress and smoothed it over before he walked to your front and kissed you passionately, taking your breath away.

"I'm so excited for when we get back, gonna rip this dress off of you," he groaned and kissed your lips a few more times.

His phone on a nightstand chimed in.

"The driver's here, let's go, or we'll be late," he ushered you and you nodded, grabbing your heels and walking out of the bedroom, hooking your fingers with Harry's.

The drive there wasn't long. You were traveling from Harry's city penthouse, so it took you only about 20 minutes to get to the museum. You were glad you talked him into getting ready in his apartment. He wanted to get ready back home in his estate out of the city and if you were to travel from there, you would be in the car for almost an hour and a half.

You watched the beautiful lights of the city flash by behind the window as you listened to Harry speak to one of the organizers on the phone about the last-minute details.

"So, everything is ready, and people are starting to come in," he informed you when he hung up. You scooted closer to him and snuggled into his side.

"I'm very excited, but nervous also, I don't think I'm fully ready to face Adam," you nervously fiddled with your thumbs in your lap. Harry grabbed your hands and brought them up to his lips and pressed a gentle kiss on both of them.

"You don't have to be nervous, I will be there with you the entire time, if you feel uncomfortable at any point in the evening just say a word and we will leave, I promise," he assured you.

"What did I do to deserve you? I must've done something very, very good," you smiled and pressed your lips against his in a feather-light kiss. The movement of the stopping car made you pull away from each other.

"Is my lipstick okay? Isn't it smudged or something?" You asked, trying to check it in your reflection in the glass of the window.

"You look perfect, don't worry," he pecked your lips once more before he fixed the cuffs on his suit and took a deep breath.

"Come on, I need to make a speech in about 10 minutes," he ushered you.

He opened the door on his side and stepped out of the car into the chilly air of the parking lot before he walked to your side and opened up the door for you, offering his hand for you to take.

"Thank you, kind sir," you smiled at him.

"My pleasure," he grinned before you walked towards the main entrance of the historic building.

You could feel everyone's eyes staring at the two of you as you descended the staircase toward the dance floor. This was the same building you met at the first time. The company galas happened here every single year, courtesy of Harry's widespread contacts all over the city. You looked around the beautifully decorated ballroom, taking in the magical atmosphere.

"Do you like it?" Harry whispered into your ear as you walked down the last few steps.

"It looks beautiful, they've really outdone themselves." you admired the decorations and squeezed Harry's hand discreetly.

"I'm glad you like it, all of this is for you, and all of the future ones will be as well," he kissed your cheek lightly and pulled back from you.

He was immediately swarmed by a group of his colleagues, praising him for the wonderful job he had done at organizing the event.

"Oh I wish that was me but actually, it was my lovely girlfriend over here, (y/n)," he announced proudly and switched you to stand next to him and not behind him, where you stationed yourself before.

"Oh, um, hi," you waved shyly at the group of people around you, and a chorus of 'Hi's' and 'Nice to meet you's rang out.

"Well, the missus is more skilled is more skilled at this than you have ever been Styles," A woman to your left teased and Harry laughed out loudly.

"I s'pose you're right Heather, she truly is a godsend," he squeezed your waist and pulled you closer to him.

"Now, I would love to chat some more, but I have to give the welcoming speech, so I, unfortunately, have to stop the conversation here," He smiled politely and said his goodbyes before he pulled you away from the group to a duo of women standing nervously a few meters away from you.

"Mr.Styles, we need you to make the speech now, you were supposed to start 2 minutes ago," One of them nervously rambled as the other one vigorously nodded while she scribbled down something on the paper she was holding on a board.

"Lead the way then," he charmingly smiled.

"Wait for me here, I will be back in a few minutes, we can dance then," he kissed your forehead lovingly and slipped away after the women.

As you waited for Harry to make his appearance, a tap on the shoulder startled you.

"(y/n)?" A familiar voice sounded from behind you.

"Adam," You awkwardly smiled at him and took a step back, trying to distance yourself from him.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, clearly stunned.

"None of your business Adam," you snapped and wrapped your arms around yourself, suddenly feeling cold and uncomfortable.

"Let's talk, somewhere private," he grabbed your arm roughly. You desperately tried to tear away from his tight hold.

"Adam, let me go," you tearfully demanded but he only shook his head, tugging you towards him.

"It's alright honey, just a little conversation won't hurt," he mumbled as he tugged even more.

The whole room erupted in an applause which probably meant that Harry came out to give his speech.

The shock you were in froze you. You stopped fighting against Adam's hold and let him lead you from the room.

You didn't know where you were, the tears obscuring your eyes. The world around you went quiet and the only sound you heard was the echo of Adam's steps. You were probably in a hall.

"(y/n) listen to me," he grabbed you by the shoulders and made you look at him.

"Baby I can't live without you, you have to take me back, my life lost all of its meaning when you left me," He begged.

His words made you see red. How dare he say this? After what he had put you through, after the hurt he had caused you, he had the nerve to say you hurt him. You pushed him back, making him stumble as you dabbed your tears away.

"How dare you!" you called out shocking Adam.

"You cheat on me, you hurt me, you neglect me throughout all our relationship because of your work, but at the end of the day I'm the bad one?" You continued to pour your frustration out at him.

"(y/n) baby, that didn't happen, she pushed herself on me, you don't remember what you saw," he begged you.

You opened your mouth to say something when the door behind you opened up and a sound of hurried steps rang through the empty hallway.

"(y/n)?" Harry called into the empty hallway.

"Here," you called back and quickly moved away from Adam towards Harry.

"What the fuck is happening here, are we having a problem?" Harry's voice boomed through the hallway, making you immediately relax, knowing he is finally with you.

"Um, nothing sir, we were just talking, nothing is wrong," Adam stuttered through the sentence as he straightened his posture to look just slightly bit taller.

"Sweet girl is that true?" He smirked down as he tugged you into his side, kissing the top of your forehead.

"Wha-what is happening?" Adam asked, confused by the sight in front of him.

"I'm dating your boss Adam, and have been for the last few months, I finally found someone who treats me right," you snapped back at him.

"Let's go back, I want to dance," You looked up at Harry, completely ignoring Adam's presence.

"As you wish my dear," he kissed your forehead and took your hand in his, starting to lead you from your ex-boyfriend.

"Oh, and one thing Adam," Harry called back.

"You're fired,"

----

I hope you liked this one guys, I had fun writing this. Reblogs and likes are very much appreciated and ideas for fics are welcomed so if you have anything, please let me know.

Thank you for reading, love you <3

[blueathens]

Cheater

Summary: “Did you even love me?” She asked, hands wrapped around herself in a form of protection. “H-how could you ask me that?” Mason asked her, voice cracking just like this marriage. “Because if you loved me you wouldn’t have cheated on me.”

Song: 9 Crimes by Damien Rice Quote: “He was too busy fucking another girl in our bed to bother seeing.”

Requested

A/N: Sorry for the long wait, I swear I’m getting there with the requests that’s been waiting for ages...in bold are flashbacks...also not prof-read as always :) 

Masterlist//Dusk Till Dawn Masterlist//Agape Masterlist

“Mason, Y/n, you both know why you’re at this couple’s therapy right?” The lady, Joanna, asked as she sat behind her desk of glory as she stared at the couple over her pink glasses. Her red nails held a bunch of papers as she hit the bottom of them onto her brown, polished desk to straighten them all out. She then placed them to the right side of her desk before licking a finger as she picked up the first piece of paper, placing it in her front of her as she clicked her black and golden pen three times before writing the date at the top of it.

“I wanna fix our marriage,” Mason began as his hand slide into Y/n’s that rested on her lap. “For us and our son, Niko.” He nodded as he licked his lips nervously as he felt Y/n shaking her hand out of his grip, pushing his hand away from her whilst turning her body away so her back was slightly facing him.

There she was. A perfect blonde woman who suddenly appeared in the group. Her name was Elle, and her image was a real-life barbie doll. She sat next to Mason – well practically on his lap – as she talked quietly to him.

And it must have been something funny as he laughed.

Why is he laughing?

Why is-

“Are you okay Y/n?” Ben asked as he sat next to her, eyes completely not noticing the way the blonde was close to her husband. They were just on his best friend as he questioned her feelings and why her lips were pursed and why her nails were tapping the table like crazy, and why her legs was bouncing up and down and why there was such an angry red in her eyes.

“Yep,” she popped the ‘p’ as her head hit the back of the booth before she sat up again, “never been better.”

“How’s Niko?” Ben asked with a wide grin on his face, arm resting on the length of the booth behind her. "Can I see him this weekend?”

Y/n turned her head to face him, her arm propping up onto the table as she rested her cheek in her hand as she looked at him instead of the blonde and her husband.

“We could go to the aquarium together.” Ben said, “you could come along too with Mase…one big happy family trip with Uncle Ben.”

Ben was the complete contrast of Y/n right now. He was a was like the Sun, constantly beaming  as he enjoyed the light in his career and life, no questions flowing in his mind if his lover still wants to be with him as he didn’t have one and all his concentration could go on one thing and one thing only – his job.

Y/n at the moment was like Neptune, very cold and heart breaking within the ice it was wrapped in when she glanced at Mason and the blonde.

“Who’s she?” Ben cut his rambling off short of him talking about the aquarium when he saw the blonde near Mason.

“Don’t you know?”

“No? Should I?”

“Her name’s Alice…she’s close with Mason.”

“Oh,” Ben jaw clicked as he too stared at the two in front of them, his fingers behind her as angry thoughts ran through his mind as he wondered what Mason was playing at. But all anger went out his reddening cheeks as his eyes glanced down to her leg that hasn’t stopped bouncing, so to calm her his from behind her went down to hold down her knee gently as it rubbed a figure eight on it to calm any unsettling nerves from within, and it worked as her body instantly calmed down as she listened to him continue talking about their day at the aquarium – but he never mentioned Mason in them…just her, Niko, and him as if they were a family…as if Mason wasn’t involved.

“And where is your son today?” Joanna asked as she noted down how uncomfortable Y/n sat in the leather chair next to Mason. She noticed the way her body was trying to block out any touch Mason tries to give her and how disgust she felt when he did.

“Benji’s.” Y/n told her, straining in her chair as she pulled down her skirt, wiggling in her seat as she did so.

“Benji’s?” Mason bitterly laughed out as he stared at his wife with raised brows. “Since when do you call him Benji?”

“I’ve always called him that,” Y/n looked down with furrowed brows as she nervously fiddles with her fingers. “He’s our friend…he’s looking after my son.”

“Our son.” Mason snarled as he crossed his arms as he shuffled more into his chair.

“Our son.”

“Y/n why do you want this therapy session?” Joanna asked as her red lips went into a thin line, she clasped her hand together as she leaned forwards, and she shook her head to move the bushy curls that fell in front of her face.

She shakes her head slightly as she looks up at Joanna, jaw tight as her brows raise and pull together. “I don’t…I want a divorce as my husband is a cheater.”

“When did you have your doubts?”

Y/n sat on the bed; head heavy in her hands as she waits for her husband. Niko’s red rucksack was by her personally made trainers that one foot was tapping rapidly on the dark blue carpet of the bedroom.

“Hey babe,” Mason greeted, and he walked over to her to give her a hug which Y/n stiffened in and pushed him away – especially when she smelled an unfamiliar smell on him…a perfume she didn’t wear.  “Are you going somewhere?”

“Niko and I are going to the aquarium.” Was all she said as she raised and picked up the small bag, walking away slightly before Mason pulled her back by the hand. His hands moved to her waist as he pulled her closer to him, his lips going to her neck as he littered them with light kisses.

“When you come back maybe we can have some time to-”

She pushed him away.

“Angel?”

“Don’t try to act like nothing is happening, you reek of a perfume that isn’t mine.”

“What do you mean?” He asked innocently, his inner brows furrowing together as he looked down at her, cheeks flushing slightly as he ran a hand through his fluffy hair.

“Don’t try and make me feel stupid Mas-”

“I’m not.”

“You are!” She yelled, choking on her words slightly as her eyes narrowed and she jabbed a finger in his chest. “I see the way you look at her.” Her voice was weak and unsteady as she her hand wiped across her face to stop any tears from falling, she sniffled slightly to continue to the struggling fight.

“You’re crazy.” He chuckled, moving round her as he sat on the bed. “Why are you going to the aquarium anyways? Their kinda boring.”

“Niko likes going there.”

“But their-”

“Niko likes it. I don’t give a fuck what you think.” She snapped as a horn beeped from outside. “That be Benji.”

“Benji?”

“It was his idea, I was gonna invite you too, but you was out doing god knows what and it’s boring anyways, so you won’t give a shit.”

“Why is he going?”

“Because he wants to see Niko and he actually listens to what I say and knows what Niko likes…unlike his father.”

“She went out with another man.” Mason scoffed and Joanna raised her brows at him as she clicked her tongue.

“Y/n is allowed friends Mr Mount.” She scribbled something down as her tongue stayed onto the root of her mouth. “I don’t believe she came home smelling like him did she?”

“No-well-I-”

“He was too busy fucking another girl in our bed to bother seeing.”

“Wow,” Mason pursed his lips as he nodded his head, fingers tapping against his thighs as he leaned back and stretched slightly. “Could have been fucking my best friend for all I know and-”

“But I wasn’t as I ain’t a cheater.”

“Nor am I.”

“Says the one who’s been fucking Alice and maybe other girls for however long it’s been…and I waited for at least a month or two for you to admit it, but you didn’t…so here we are in fucking therapy because I want a divorce and you don’t even though you are fucking people behind my back.” Y/n scratched the top of her nose as she sighs and looks down in her lap as she fiddled with the sleeves of her jacket. “Three years of marriage…vows of promises and he breaks them…and all those years are gone because he didn’t love me.”

“I do love you.”

Joanna stands from her desk, announcing she going to get some water for everyone, and the moment the door closes, and Mason was quick to snap his head to look at his wife.

“At least act like you want this fixed and that you love me.”

“I don’t want this fixed, and I don’t love you.” She spoke sternly as she said looking in front of her whilst Mason stared right into the side of her face. His hand went up to scratch round his mouth, following his stubble as he went round, and Y/n mind recalls to the time she used to love him doing that…but now she hated him and that stubble that once drove her crazy.

Mason’s eyes softened when he was looking at her, especially when he noticed the frown that replaced the usual smile and the downcast eyes that once held so much joy and light it could brighten a sun.

“Hey,” he muttered, hand lifting to touch her arm, but he pulled back the last second as his mind recalls to her body stiffening at every touch he’s been recently giving her. “I do-”

“Wil you stop looking at me like that,” her voice was a fragile of glass, shaking to shatter as she spoke so very weakly to him before croaking out the word, “please.”

“Like what?”

“Like you still love me.”

“I do-”

She shook her head repeatedly as she draw her lips into a thin line, a small sniffle and eyes filling up as she stood up, arms wrapping round herself as she rounded the brown leather chair. Mason stood up to, following her steps as he stood in front of her with a concerned look. “How can you claim to still love me after everything you put me through?”

He stepped a step closer to her, hand placing on her cheek as he rubbed a circle with his thumb – it was something she loved once but now all she could imagine was how many times has he done this to someone else? His lips drew closer, but she was quick to shove him away and turn her head.

“I can’t-I can’t kiss you knowing she kissed you too.”

“Ba-”

“I just want this divorce…that’s all I want.”

“Thank you for letting me stay.” Y/n said to Ben as she and him carried the last box of hers into the spare bedroom downstairs. Niko would stay in there too when he came back from seeing Mason, he would give Niko to Y/n after another session of couple therapy – to her they were over, she gave her wedding and engagement ring back and her mind didn’t care of the articles seeing him partying with other girls and kissing and dancing with them all through the night. To her he was no longer her husband, and she was no longer his wife…they were two free humans able to do what they wanted.

It did hurt at first, but at the knowing of him cheating on her for over a month and the constant arguments about him lying and saying she was accusing him of untruthful things it started to hurt less…it started to hurt less as Y/n was glad that she was finally noticing that he wasn’t the man she fell in love with anymore…he was someone else and she will just have to let go the last piece of his old self to move on.

And so she did…she let him go and he was free to do what he pleased with whoever he wanted.

“You’re my best friend, Y/n, of course I’m going to let you and Niko stay.”

It was true…she was probably more of Ben’s best friend than Mason was purely due to the reason of them meeting when they were thirteen and growing up together – he was sort of a reason she met Mason who she accidently bumped into after a Leicester v Chelsea game, and he wooed her with the charms that she thought she would forever fall for.

“We’ll be out of your hair as soon as-”

“You’re in no rush.” He interrupted her thoughts of thinking they were being a burden. “The company be nice you know, and I get to see you and Niko more too.” His eyes dropped down her left hand where he noticed nothing shiny on a certain finger, and his stomach flipped at the knowledge that they were officially ending their marriage.

Ben shouldn’t feel that certain way in his stomach, he loved that his best friends got together, but there was still and forever will be a part of him that will always have that crush on her – the deep love that grew whenever he saw her.

The night came quick in the Chilwell home and had been on an hour call with her lawyer about terms of divorce and how Joanna has emailed them saying the divorce papers can be sent out after this last session.

Its been a month of couple’s therapy and she couldn’t believe it’s taken them this long for the divorce to official begin…but the tensions were high in the room she was sleeping in, her body kept on twisting and turning in her bed. She opened the window in the thoughts that she was just hot, but the window was closed as quickly as it opened when a strong breeze rushed in, making her shiver in the red penguin pyjamas trousers she was wearing with the red pyjamas top.

She slowly opened the door and used the touch of her phone to navigate herself upstairs to a certain door, she hesitated at first before pulling down the handle and slowly pushing it open.

Ben groaned slightly as he opened an eye and tiredly lifted his head up to see what the slight squeaky noise was – only to see that she was at his bedroom door, shifting foot to foot as the touch of her phone (that was pointing down) shown up slightly to show off her sheepish smile.

“I-I’m sorry, I-I just-”

But Ben didn’t need any words as he pulled back the cover and pattered the other side of the bed which she tiptoed towards and laid herself down, laying herself right to the edge and Ben smiled slightly to see how awkward she was being right now.

“Do you want a hug?” He huskily asked and for some reason the sound of his voice made her stomach flip in excitement, and she could feel her cheeks heating up at it.

She didn’t say anything as she turned around and shuffled herself into Ben’s opened arms, head resting against his bare chest like it’s been there a thousands times before, and her arms wrapped round his waist whilst his slide under her arm to bring her closer into his radiating warmth.

In their entire time being friends, they have never been this close, as if they were this close they would be crossing the line of ‘just being friends’ and that was what they always was until now…until both of them now was feeling butterflies in their stomach instead of it just being on one side.

His fingers ran through her hair ever so gently, and he tried to level his breathing with his light touches, so he didn’t alarm the tired woman in his arms. But he could swear his heart froze when her finger danced along his chest, completely memorised with it as she gently breathed against him.

Hesitantly, he kissed the top of her head and the way she nuzzled her face into his chest could warm his heart for the many winters yet to come.

“Goodnight gorgeous.”

“By Tuesday the divorce will be officialised Mr Mount and Miss L/n-”

“It’s still Mount.” Mason interrupted Joanna. She swiftly wiggled forwards in her chair, clasping her hands together as she cleared her throat.

“Not by Tuesday Mr Mount.”

“But right now she is.”

“She has been nothing of your wife the moment you shoved your dick into other girls.” It went silent after the red-lipped woman snapped at the footballer like that, who awkwardly shifted in his sit, looking down as he twirled his thumbs and coughed slightly. “Not denying anything now are you? Wait until the articles catch on and-”

Mason’s head snapped up as his eyes widen and he shook his head like mad.

“No...no…wait…listen…listen, if this gets out…if this gets out it could ruin my reputation.”

“Well lucky me, Mr Mount, it’s really not my responsibility to untangle you from this mess. I wasn’t the one who was cheating on their wife was I? I say it be good if they all found out of how much a scum you have been.” She clicked her tongue against the root of her mouth. “Is there anything either of you like to say before the end of our last session?”

It was silent for a few good minutes; Joanna was about to stand up and say goodbye to them from how quiet and awkward everything got. It was almost clear that no one wanted to speak up in the deafening noise of silence.

Almost.

Not until the one who was hurt the most in this entire turn of events spoke up.

“Did you even love me?” She asked, hands wrapped around herself in a form of protection.”

“H-how could you ask me that?” Mason asked her, voice cracking just like this marriage.

“Because if you loved me you wouldn’t have cheated on me.”

Her voice was so weak and so vulnerable that it was almost like a small girl crying…she wanted to know…she needed to know for her to fully let go of him…she just needed something and then he would be gone and would only be Niko’s father to her.

Mason clears his throat before sitting straighter in his chair, turning slightly to look at Y/n. His mouth opens in preparation to speak, but no words fly out. He then turns his body back to the front, rested his arms against the top of his legs as he leaned forwards and allowed his body to shake from his bouncing leg.

He shook his head.

“I-I think it was the stress of being a father.”

“Bullshit.” Y/n mocking laughed before continuing, turning in her chair to look at the man who couldn’t promise her forever. “You’re the one that wanted this, you begged me to have a child and now you’re saying it wasn’t what you wanted? I never wanted a child until you showed me what the dream could be like, and I love our son with my entire being now…thanks to you and your stupid dreams…but now you’re saying having a child is what caused you to cheat? Bullshit Mason. Bull fucking shit.”

The way her voice stressed and ached on some certain words made Joanna feel such pity and sadness for such a young women who was going through the deepest of heartbreaks, and the destroyer felt such a wave of guilt.

“Y/n-”

“No…no…I know what you are about to say and you’re going to lie to me…you’re going to fucking lie to me again like you’ve been doing for however long you’ve been sleeping with other girls…just stop…stop fucking lying to me and tell me the fucking truth for once.” Her voice was so raspy that the world just wanted to wrap it’s ocean arms round her and bring her into comfort. “And if you didn’t love me anymore, if you wanted to explore other options, all you had to do was tell me…all you had to do was tell me you wanted a divorce or something…it would have been easier than making not just me suffer  but also Niko…you hurt me Mason…really, really hurt me. And I never thought you of all people could hurt me.”

She raises from the leather seats, rounds the chair, and holds the back of it with one hand as her eyes stay looking at the brown door with a cringey therapeutic poster on it.

‘You learn more about somebody at the end of a relationship than at the beginning.’

Yeah, if Y/n would have known Mason’s was a cheater she would have never married him.

“Did you love her?”

Silence.

“The girl you slept with when I walked in…did you love her?”

Mason raised to his feet, walking towards Y/n who ignored and moved towards the door Joanna was opening. “Y/n just listen-”

“Niko is with you tomorrow...I’m going back to Benji’s.”

Taglist: @mountsmason @masonsutd @chelseamount @chvlwells @somedaytakethetime @mrschilly @mrspulisic10 @itscominghome @jorgiswifey @whiskeypowder @footballmusic19 @moneymasn​ @in-my-body-bag​ @nooooojimmyprotested​ @1-800-benji-chilwell