#first immortal Kohga and now this

[smilesrobotlover]

Welcome back to Smile’s bizarre theories

Sooga is the lost prince of the Gerudo. My evidence?

Dude is BIG

[ganondoodle]

i dont think i ever posted these here so uh, someone on twitter wondered if theres a yiga clan member having a mask with two horns since kohga and suppa (sooga) have 3 and 1 on each side; and of course i came up with lore for them-

if you remember my yiga lore master kohga was actually a monk from 10 000 years ago that experimented with malice on himself, making him near immortal; now this one (their name is master ramuda) was also from that time frame but a scientist, and went on to be the second founder of the yiga clan alongside kohga after the royal family turned on the sheikah. ramuda was doing research on malice while koh handled everything dangerous

they were both no strangers to doing risky experiments and ramuda was the first one to bind malice into tattoos to harness its power while safely containing it and thus not corrupting the host; however, as it goes with risky experiments, they can turn out to be a failure even after seemingly working out; the malice wasnt bound with enough seals and started to break out of the tattoos but ramuda kept it secret

believing themself capable of going out on their own, now that they have harnessed some of the malices power, to try and find a solution, which included trying to secure lost sheikah documents that may be still in hyrule castle, but while they sneaked around they found the perfect opportunity to act revenge on the royal family

and thus ramuda assassinated the king. successfully, for the most part, as they were caught by the ancient princess who immediately shot them with a sacred arrow right through the head

but they didnt go down.

ramuda is not quite alive, as all they do is stand perfectly still in one place while malice is eating the body away (see the first image) but not quite dead either

(after .. all that happened, kohga continued ramudas research, and later combined technology and techniques from his knowledge as a former monk to 'perfect' the seals that bind the malice within the tattoos and did the experiment on himself as well in order to live longer and perhaps, one day, find a way to bring them back)

and yes thats a summary of what i came up with for a poor twitter user asking the simple question of "kohgas mask has 3 horns on each side, soogas has 1, i wonder if theres one with 2" back in february

[needs-to-stop-looking-at-yigas]

If requests are still open, I have a somewhat angsty one.

You’ve established that Kohga has a fear of commitment. There’s been speculation in the fandom that Kohga is immortal, or at least much longer lived than most humans. Could his fear of commitment derive, at least partly, from the fact that any partners he has will almost certainly die long before him? It’s likely Kohga has already suffered the loss of at least one beloved partner. How would Kohga and Sooga go about discussing this issue?

I. Feel SO DUMB. That I haven't made this connection before??? You right, let's fucking, do something with this???

"Ooh, what about these?"

"Oh those ARE lovely!"

Mipha and Kohga were planning Mipha's big day. As such, jewelry was needed. Mipha had the head pieces ready, but she wanted something more intricate to add onto it. It was a charming Gerudo jewelry store, and they were just having a grand ol' time.

"Sooga, should we do gold or silver? Sooga?"

Kohga turned to look for Sooga, who was right there, looking at wedding rings. Of course. Kohga was going to scold him, but there was...a longing in his eyes. Something that hurt him, and tearing him away from the rings would only deepen the cut. Sooga caught his gaze however, and moved away, joining them once more.

"Apologies. I'd do silver, but I am quite the traditionalist, so."

"Hmmm...silver it is!"

Mipha was too distracted by the idea of her own wedding to see Sooga's strife. But Kohga could see it a mile away. He didn't want to. But he knew.

He had to tell him the truth.

-------------------------------

"Here you are, Master."

Mipha had long since gone home with Sidon, excited for more planning. Meanwhile, Kohga decided to spend just a bit more time out here, right on the tree above Rhoam hill. Sooga had picked up lunch for them both (fish on rice for Sooga, pork dumplings for Kohga), before sitting down next to his Master. Kohga opened the box, starting to pick at his food. It looked good, but knowing he was going to tell him now was...a lot for him to digest. Sooga ate slowly, as if it'd be rude to eat much faster. He knew something was wrong.

"Master? Is something troubling you?"

"....Sooga. I saw you looking at the rings."

"I apologize. I was in my own world, I didn't mean to-"

Kohga held his finger up to silence him. Kohga took a deep breath.

"I'm not scolding you. I...I just. It reminded me that I've kinda been lying to you. For a while now."

Sooga looked confused, and rightfully so. Kohgs took a deep breath, before exhaling.

"I...I've never been totally against getting married. Because...well. I've been married once before."

Sooga gawked in pure disbelief, and Kohga couldn't blame him.

"You...you were MARRIED?! You said you've only ever had boyfriends or flings-"

"I lied. I'm sorry. I'm a lying liar pants. I was married before. Cil knows about it, but I made him keep it a secret, till the day he died."

There was a silence between them. Nothing but the leaves rustling under the wind's strength. Sooga broke it, speaking, but not looking at Kohga.

"What...was he like?"

"He...was kinda like you. Not as big nor as pretty, but he cared for me. He loved me, he'd do anything for me. He was a long term friend outside of the clan. Dad didn't like it, but we got married in secret. We fell in love right on this hill, actually. I remember it was where we first met, we first kissed...it's a spot that means a lot to me, as stupid as it is."

Another silence. Kohga knew he wasn't taking this well, nor poorly. He was still absolutely fucked by this information, he needed to let him take it at his own pace. He pushed some rice into his mouth. Not out of hunger, but the need to just. Do SOMETHING as he thought.

"What...happened to him?"

"....he died. Sooga, I outlived him. I outlived...a lot of people in my life. My first husband, my mom, my dad, even my great uncle. I outlive a lot of my partners and I'm worried that if I marry you...it's gonna hurt when I outlive you. It hurt the first time, I don't think I can do it again."

Sooga thought about it still. Kohga was getting worried now, Sooga wasn't one to absent-mindedly eat like this. Kohga watched as he fiddled with the rice, processing it all.

"He was. A very lucky man, to have been wed to you."

"...you don't sound upset."

"I'm...sad. Sad that you had to go through that, and I had no idea. Master Kohga, I love you more than words can express. For you to feel pain or sorrow, for a moment, is agony to my soul. I'm sorry you went through something like this. I want to marry you, of course. But not if it ultimately hurts you."

Kohga sighed, slipping his hand onto Sooga's. So big, and firm, just like his was.

"You sound like him. And just like him, you're gonna keep trying to lock me down, aren't you?"

"Well, it's certainly worth a try."

Sooga chuckled, leaning in to bump his mask against his.

"But...I would like the lies to end. You need not lie to me. I accept all that you are."

"Alright, deal. No more lies from here on."

"....your father didn't like him. Would he have liked me?"

"Pfft- in a HEARTBEAT. You're as dumb and as loyal as they come. Hell, HE'D be pressuring me to ask you if his ass was still alive."

Sooga chuckled. There was still something in between them because of this, they could feel it. But through Sooga's swords of devotion, it was nothing he couldn't cut through. It was nothing that he wouldn't go through, for his Master.

For his love.

[cashewally-sarcastic]

This is lowkey me fulfilling a promise I made about a month ago for an HKU related thing that has to do with a lovely Ralphy the rat.

These essays have slowly started to become less and less comprehensible so as always it’ll be under the cut.

Happy 4 month anniversary HKU!

~~~

Ralphy the rat is a recent introduction into the world of HKU, a rat taken out of Siv’s pocket. Now, even though Ralphy is barely shown, the fandom is convinced that Ralphy is immortal. And today I am here to ask the question: Could Ralphy the rat be immortal in the world of HKU?

The first question we need to answer is whether immortal animals exist in the universe of HKU. And the answer is yes. Big Chugging Chungus (BCC) is an immortal horse that belongs to Master Kohga of the Yiga clan. Chips and Tanaka were both immortal sea snakes that belonged to the late Zora Queen. There are also immortal magic rats that live in Faron, which are the reason why Link and Aryll exist. With all of these examples, I think it’s very obvious that Ralphy could be immortal.

But of course, this begs the question, why would Siv have an immortal rat? To answer this, we need to see who else has immortal animals. As mentioned earlier, Master Kohga has BCC, who is an immortal horse. The Late Zora Queen, Queen Solas, had Chips and Tanaka, the immortal sea snakes. Both of these people have something in common, they’re leaders. Siv is not the leader of the Hylians, but I believe it would be fair to say Siv is somewhat of a local rat authority. There’s a reason why the fandom calls Siv the Rat King. He’s a leader and therefore qualifies for having an immortal animal, aka Ralphy the rat.

For one last reason, Ralphy also matches the vibes of Siv. BCC matches the yiga in color scheme and general “what the fuck” vibes, and Chips and Tanaka match the aquatic vibes of the Zora. So of course a rat would match the vibes of the rat man, it just makes even more sense for Ralphy to be immoral.

So, with these reasons, why shouldn’t Ralphy be immortal? He fulfills all the requirements, matches the vibes, and all rats just deserve to be immortal honestly. That’s the conclusion of this argument, all rats deserve to be immortal. The Faron rats are, therefore all should be.

Goodnight.