#financial support me with or ill have to work a job to get thru

[bitchfendi]

a few days ago i rediscovered my desire to go into animation

i have a long way to go in my journey but its been something ive dreamed of since i was a little guy.

[itsgivingautism]

01/18/24 — Zia rants about being autistic & physically disabled & chronically ill in a fucked ableist society & having to be dependent on their partner

Started to have meltdown over this & other stuff to my partner before he left for work…. I didn’t meant to have a morning meltdown. I found myself shutting down and feeling guilty before he left bc I can recognize it’s hard on him even when he doesn’t wanna show it. But needed a place to rant and ended up going off down below for a like an hour. I don’t want to open up but I made tumblr after not being on here since high school for an outlet for a lot of reasons, with support & encouragement from therapists to do so. But I also hate being perceived. I’m just so fucking annoying tho I somehow always bring attention to myself that I never want….. but I’m also learning to tell my story & share my experiences. As an autistic person late diagnosed who was severely abused throughout my entire childhood opening up, learning to unmask & not shutdown, understanding my own thoughts, feelings, & experiences is so fucking hard.

I am so grateful for my partner but god I wish I was independent. I wish I had the ability to take care of myself. I wish I wasn’t so fucking dependent on his love and support. I wish I wasn’t so needy, or clingy. I wish I wasn’t disabled physically and mentally. I wish I wasn’t so wounded & traumatized. I wish I wasn’t so chronically ill. I wish I wasn’t in autistic burnout, a state of prolonged cognitive decline that one average can last 2-10 years.

I wish I could get a job. Even working from home but my mind can’t even. I’m constantly age regressing and going across different timelines of my mind and getting trapped, constantly disconnecting from this current physical reality even when I seem like a part of it to others - but it’s just automatic masking as a trauma response. All a result of my CPTSD+autism+adhd

I haven’t been able to work a real job since 2020. I’ve been fighting to get the support & benefits I need but constantly being shit on. Having to go thru constant channels to prove how severe my issues are and then being told try this treatment first and when it doesn’t work its still somehow my fault. I’m sick of having to prove my disabilities & illnesses and then when I show how bad they are I’m being dramatic. But when I mask & show strength, I must be making it up. How could you be so strong about then? There’s no winning. Only losing. I don’t see a point in showing weakness or asking for help. But then refusing to and bottling it all up, that has lead me to deeply problematic bad spirals. I just want to be taken seriously by doctors & medical professionals. I hate this country.

I wish I was normal. I hate burdening my partner. Although I know he doesn’t want me to feel like one and he genuinely wants to help me, I also know I stress him out….

I am dependent on him financially while his job is fucking over their contracts, refusing to give him & his coworkers the raises they were supposed to get a year ago. Him and his coworkers have collectively trying to unionize for months (which is the only reason they actually didn’t get a pay cut which the company was tryna do even tho they were supposed to give raises last year) and ofc my partner has been the one leading the unionizing. (We joke about my radicalism really rubbing off on him)

I’m constantly trying to find ways to make money, which end up doing more damage to my body. He hate what it does to me. He wishes he could do more while stuck in his work contract. it’s a lot on him. And I feel like his life would be so much less stressful without me tho….. or at least if I could just be normal & healthy….

Even my friends point out that unless I’m talking about my emotions & trauma I don’t make any sense talking…. like burnout really shows…. It’s embarrassing constantly. I sound like a so clearly disabled most of the time. I used to exceptionally smart & articulate before this burnout. Ik they mean it accepting my but it’s hard when 90% of what I say comes out wrong. It’s hard when I’m trying to be supportive and it sounds like asshole shit bc my issues with speech & cognition. I want to be a lovely validating friend. Not the one they have to dissect my word vomit to find the love & support in foolish clumsily words. I’m technically hyperlexic so I can keep creating words but my other learning disabilities downgrade the quality & meaning of those words.

But I also only make sense when talking about my looping emotions & trauma is bc I only share what I can (the deeper stuff is vaulted by selective mutism & shutdowns). This is the shit going thru my brain, talking to myself about and looping constantly. Ofc it’s the only thing I can talk about. But even most the time I’m still not making sense entirely. But it’s all I can think about, talk to myself about, and it’s all the my brain is giving me permission to share about myself.

[schreie]

my family knows& believes im mentally ill but somehow they cant seem to grasp that yes this is in fact impacting my life & making it difficult to hold down a job & live a regular life. shocking ! they say im a problematic child who has always been problematic & had issues but god beware i want to take a break & rest bcos im fucking burnt out. been working since i was 16,havent financially relied on them, havent been unemployed more than two not even consecutive months since,have several educational achievements, have had multiple jobs at once even while studying, rather worked at the strip club than asking them for money, paid back the only amount i ever lent from my mom, & what does my mom say when i say im burnt out& cant keep going? try to make it work! they have two cars, a house, i dont have any siblings, if that was my daughter id say quit ill support u til ur back on ur feet. yeah she doesnt know abt the rape & sexual abuse& my drug abuse etc etc. but why would i tell her. i remmeber when i told her years later how one of my classmates physically assaulted me & she said nothing. if i learned smth like that abt my only daughter id be in shambles. id be furious. but then she tells me how she cries sometimes bcos of my mental state, how she talks to her husband abt how worried she is abt me, its like she can get pity from others for having to deal with such a mentally ill daughter but she doesnt even deal with it beyond telling me to go to therapy. shes being cute& sends me care packages sometimes which is nice obvi but its like empty gestures. she cant offer me to stay with her bcos her husabnd sucks. cant offer to financially support me bcos that would make me a lazy brat & she & her mom & her grandma all managed as single moms so who am i to not be able to manage my life? i dont even have a kid. smth to be said here abt intergenerational trauma but she went to a therapist once & they told she doesnt need to be treated. thats how little she can understand my struggles. her biggest issue is her lack of selfesteem which has never resulted in mental illness tho. only in her daughter. she beats herself up over mistakes she made when i was a kid that she herself identified but when i say there was actually smth that had a longlasting negative effect on me she wont have it. she does support me in her own way but its like. once a year when she comes around& helps me pick up smth with the car. they wouldnt even store my stuff in their house for a year when i gave up my apartment even tho its two of them living in that house w plenty of space. its like shes trying but only in a way that is convenient for her& doesnt make her have to leave her comfort zone. iwant to tell her abt the sexual violence in the hopes that it will get thru her thick skull that no, i rly cant keep going on like this. at least not now, not for sum time. but im afraid shell just give me that blank stare then tell me months later how difficult that was to her

[h1ghtechl0wlife]

something something ableism, classism, infrastructure, capitalism and amount of car crash deaths related to those. like, i have a cold rn, just a cold, and im physically disabled. i also have sleep apnea. havent been able to use my cpap machine w/o feeling like im choking since i cant breathe thru my nose rn and all the air pressure pushing against my throat and palate, and making my ears pop a lot.

so 1, getting sick is harder on you when you're disabled. it lasts longer and the symptoms hit harder, and it's easier to catch stuff in the first place. 2, cpap is to keep my o2 high enough when im sleeping, so i keep breathing. going without gave me an intense low-o2/high-co2 migraine since im also breathing worse than usual from being sick. medication helped but didnt get rid of it, because i cant just take something to undo all the times i wasnt breathing last night. sleeping without it can also cause brain fog and more fatigue, body pain, concentration issues, etc. sleep apnea is a very common sleep issue, and ~22 million ppl in usa have moderate to severe sleep apnea, and many of those people are untreated due to cost of diagnosis, cost of necessary medical devices, or lack of follow through of treatment due to the discomfort involved.

3, lack of infrastructure supporting it in the us means there are few bus lines and trains people can use, and the ones ppl can require they be in a large city and have a flexible schedule for delays, which is at odds with expectations of workers and where a large chunk of the population resides.

4, bc of the work culture here and the criminal lack of respect employers and the gov grant workers, the amount of sick days available to most ppl is very small AND frequently require a drs note. this makes ill ppl choose to work through something they should be resting through either for fear of retribution for taking "too many" sick days, lack of days left, cant financially take a cut to their paycheck, or cant afford the cost of going to urgent care or their dr for a note.

finally, this culminates in people who are feverish, unfocused, exhausted, hazy, with slower responses out on their (potentially long) commute to/from work, possibly driving on the highway at over 70 mph, when they should be able to rest at home and focus on getting better. driving safely requires a lot of focus to begin with and you can only control what you do and your personal actions, while a small mistake or moment of inattention could end with drastic consequences.

so my theory is all of these factors likely have a very large impact in more traffic accidents that could be easily prevented and mitigated in a variety of ways, to say nothing of on the job accidents

[dearbisexual]

If u want could u talk about ur choice not to have a job more? My partner doesn't work and feels rly shitty about it and seeing ur attitude toward work was nice

sure! so um i live w/ my dad who supports me financially. he's said on no uncertain terms that i can live here as long as i like. im very fortunate to have such a situation, even if it's difficult living w/ my dad sometimes.

i contribute to the household thru varied domestic labor though i don't have to in order to "earn my keep" which is a fucked up concept. (my brother doesn't and still lives here as a unemployed adult)

but anyway, im actively choosing not to work right now b/c it's fucking dangerous w/ covid and i have the luxury of being able to choose that. and originally, when i graduated high school, i was... fucked up from mental illness so i didn't get a job then b/c i wanted to get a firm grip on my mental health first. and again, im very fortunate to have been able to do that

and ultimately, i don't think i need a job to be fulfilled, emotionally or whatever

[keyders]

full name: montana kıvanç keyder (pronounced kuh-vanch kai-dir). nicknames: tan. gender and pronouns: cis man, he / him. age: thirty. date of birth: may 17, 1990. hometown: pleasance, ohio. nationality: american. religion: muslim. sexual and romantic orientation: bisexual biromantic. occupation: author & stand up comedian. living arrangements: lives with his family and a boarder (PLS GIVE ME THE BOARDER) languages spoken: english, conversational turkish. strange history: the death ranch.

trigger warnings: assault, death, injury, pregnancy.

this is the clown montana, but u can just call him tan. he grew up in pleasance but moved to seattle around 10-ish years ago to study law ( but also bc he had a falling out with his ex-bestie @kincadedonnelly​ which just made the decision to study out of state so much easier ) and only just returned last december!

tan is the middle child of three. he has an older brother and a younger sister. their family used to own a mom and pop store that has since then been bought out by alby and turned into the pleasance general store under new management in 2000. his father had since turned to various enterprises to try and support the family which included carpentry and being a delivery truck driver. his mother, on the other hand, took to music tutoring on the weekends apart from being a high school teacher. needless to say, things had been pretty tough financially on the family since alby took their business away from them.

growing up, tan was p much....mediocre. which was never a dirty word for him, but it was to his parents. it was actually their dream for him to become a lawyer, which he wasn’t exactly opposed to, mostly because he didn’t really have anything else in mind.

he had enough in the way of friends, played sports, did ok in school. wasn’t super smart but also wasn’t at the bottom. he just coasted by and it was fine. he was fine. at least he was funny.

when he was 21, he was accepted into law school thru a scholarship at the university of washington. it was the first time he’d ever really gone out of state, let alone lived away from home on his own.

but seattle treated him well. it was there that he was able to explore more of who he was and what he wanted to be—and really wanted to be—which was, to no one’s surprise, not to become a lawyer, but a writer. a storyteller. but knowing that he couldn’t come home without a law degree, he sought to finish his four-year stay and make his parents proud all the while harboring words in his journal as a hobby.

he was out drinking with his friends when he got into a drunken fight with another patron for some dumb reason he couldn’t even remember anymore even if he tried. it really started early into the night but then hours later when the group was set to go home, they had run into the patron and his friends outside. tan couldn’t keep his blasted mouth shut and the long and short of it is that he’d ended up in the hospital with a dislocated jaw, a broken nose, and a lesion in his brain after he took a crowbar to the head. he was on his last semester of law school.

which, of course, put a damper on his parents’ plans of finally having a lawyer in the family. and it took a while, but throughout the frustration of relearning how to put a shirt on or the staring spells he would have in the living room or the fact that he started having atonic seizures that required a service dog in his aid, he decided to see the silver lining coming about a year into his recovery.

meds were expensive and therapy didn’t come cheap, so when he submitted a column narrating his experience from small-town mediocrity from a turkish-albanian background to big city law school dropout now with a disability card to a local publication, he’d only expected the cash it came with in exchange for his submission; he didn’t expect an email from a guy who, as it turned out, was a pretty big tv producer saying that he’d read his column and wanted to meet up to chat about an ‘opportunity’.

said opportunity turned out to be a job offer. or, well, a trial offer— he was currently producing the second season of a show on comedy central and wanted to invite him on as a writer’s assistant. with no employment opportunities on his immediate horizon ( with the alternative being to book a plane ticket back to ohio ), he knew he couldn’t say no.

the job was not glamorous and the salary was dismal, but it helped him remember how to become a person again, this time in an environment he actually enjoyed. no more case readings, no more depressing internship hunts with law firms who didn’t want him.

as he became more and more immersed into the culture of the show ( and other programs in the network ), he was eventually given his own episodes to write, all the while making his debut on stage as a stand up comic ( which was a difficult feat to even try and muster the courage to face an audience, let alone an audience in bars ). shortly after he’d made a relatively dignified name for himself, he started working on publishing his first book, which he liked to describe as ‘part-memoir, part-fiction, 100% mediocre’ entitled ‘Stop and Smell the...’ which chronicled his experience as a small-town midwestern boy who gre up in an immigrant household and was then living in a big city with a condition that could very well be attributed to his big mouth.

and he was, by no means, famous. maybe not even quasi-famous. but his new life had allowed him to support his family back home especially when his father had come down with a mysterious illness that prohibited him from continuing work. on top of that, his younger sister had gotten pregnant and was then forced to marry a businessman in cincinnati just so she could raise the child.

his father finally succumbed to his illness last december and it was only then that tan finally came home to deal with the funeral arrangements. he took a sabbatical from work, with every intention of his trip back to pleasance being temporary, but it’s months and he still hasn’t found it in him to leave pleasance again.

extras:

he has been living with his family again and has no plans of getting a place on his own since this is just ‘temporary’.

yes, he also brought his service dog, dakota ( and yes, he’s montana and she’s dakota and they’re just quirky like that 🤪 ) with him to pleasance and he takes her everywhere. since the move, dakota has enjoyed the bigger spaces that pleasance has to offer and you can find the pair most often at the park or playing catch on death ranch where the thrill of getting caught has never gotten old since he was seven.

he’s bisexual and he came out in 2013. he’s always sort of known that he’s not just attracted to girls since he was younger ( as evidenced by the will-they-won’t-they relationship he had with his ex-best friend kincade fuckin rippp ) but he’s never really been open about that part of himself until then.

a serial dater and a serial flirt. also soooo so so needy.

he’s a taurus sun with an aries moon so he’s equal parts ‘date me uwu’ and ‘fite me uwu’

like his fc bariş, tan sports a half-sleeve tattoo on his left arm: (body image tw) click here for reference !! also a smiley on his right thigh, his siblings’ initials on his right ankle, and a small ‘K’ on his left hip.

his comedy is very hasan minhaj meets bob newhart: all the ~~~~woke millennial goodness of hasan wrapped with bob newhart’s brand of deadpan delivery sprinkled with a little bit of john mulaney’s observational humor.

[ofmargos]

chicago’s very own margo rosas has been spotted on madison avenue , with a striking semblance to camila mendes ! you may know them as @margo or hitting the front page of tmz as margo rosas is making her comeback on broadway ! according to tmz , you just had your twenty-third birthday bash . your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re overdramatic , but being passionate might help you . things that would paint a better picture of you would be the sound of stilettos hitting the pavement , the thunderous sound of applause , and having the poise of a well-mannered lady but the mouth of a sailor . ( cis female + she / her )

omg hey y’all it’s ya girl lia back at it again with the broadway b*tch herself , margo ! fun fact : i’ve been writing for margo off n on for THREE years ?? that’s wild . no matter what i do i cannot get rid of this muse akjsdnk but i love her and i hope y’all do too ! under the cut is far too much info on her ( i’m sorry it’s long !! ) pls go ahead and give this post a like if you give me consent to come bug you in the im’s / discord ! <3

*+:｡.｡ 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐒 ｡.｡:+*

–;; 𝐅𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐞: Margaret Lucia Rosas – ;; 𝐍𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞(𝐬): Margo ( preferred name ), Mars, Mar, Pain in the Ass, Drama Queen – ;; 𝐀𝐠𝐞: Twenty-Three – ;; 𝐃.𝐎.𝐁: 31 October 1997 – ;; 𝐙𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐜: Scorpio sun, scorpio moon,  leo asc ( yikes ) – ;; 𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫: Cis Female – ;; 𝐎𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧: Bisexual Biromantic – ;; 𝐇𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭: 5ft 2 – ;; 𝐁𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞: Chicago, IL – ;; 𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐋𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬: Luxurious apartment in Manhattan – ;; 𝐎𝐜𝐜𝐮𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧: Singer / Songwriter + Broadway Performer ( Julia Michaels VC ) – ;; 𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐬: Passionate, creative, dramatic, distrusting, outgoing, ambitious, fun-loving, loyal, daring, sarcastic, stubborn, overconfident, impulsive, hard-working, petty, secretive, short-tempered, vindictive

*+:｡.｡ 𝐁𝐈𝐎𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐇𝐘 ｡.｡:+*

*TW: undiagnosed illness, death

grew up as an only child in chicago, illinois. her family was definitely in the middle class but her parents both worked hard to provide their pride and joy with everything she could’ve wanted out of life

and it became apparent early on that what margo wanted was to perform. she was always singing around the house, putting on one-woman shows for her parents, and following along to the choreography of her favorite DCOM on tv. and in order to keep her satisfied, and also out of the house while they were both working, her parents threw her into an abundance of performing arts classes: ballet, tap, and jazz classes + singing lessons + acting workshops-- you name it. it was a very expensive hobby but her parents were willing to put in the extra work hours to fund her passions

she honestly grew up blissfully unaware of the sacrifices her parents were making on her behalf. they just never made her feel like she was inconveniencing them in any way. if she wanted to spend her day turn acting, singing, and dancing then so be it. they supported her emotionally and financially 100%

*ILLNESS TW* but the rose-tinted glasses were ripped from her eyes around the age of fourteen / fifteen. her mom had always had a weak immune system-- the first one to catch a cold or the flu, knocking her on her ass and leaving her bedridden for days at a time. it only got worse as years went on and she avoided doctor appointments out of fear of being charged unnecessary costly fees. she downplayed her compromising situation for as long as she could until she physically couldn’t carry on any more and had to stop going to work

margo and her father urged the stubborn woman to seek medical attention for any sort of relief for months until she finally conceded. soon it became the new norm for her mother to be in and out of hospitals, getting tests done, trying various medications. but nothing helped in the long-term and they were unable to come to a strict diagnosis *ILLNESS TW END*

and she had been right, it was terribly expensive. their funds were short considering the family was down to one income. so margo took on more responsibilities by working part-time jobs as well as going to school. she was sixteen and teaching dance lessons at her childhood studio in exchange for a small amount of pay + free lessons as well as working at a local movie theatre 6 days a week. she cut back on extracurricular lessons to save some money, instead pouring all her creative energy into only school related clubs such as choir, theatre, and so on

honestly, if you knew margo in high school you’d likely not even know about her familial situation. she liked to keep her cards close to her chest and portrayed herself as this larger than life character that no one would believe had experienced any hardships. she distracted from her own worries by playing the role of ‘queen bee’ or more accurately rachael berry from glee ( a cursed character at this point but it’s true unfortunately )

margo had big dreams of making it to broadway one day and had planned to get there by going to college in new york and make a name for herself. but with her mother’s healthy declining the closer margo got to graduation, the more put off she was by the idea of moving away from home. she was willing to put all plans for her future on hold and take care of her mother but her parents wouldn’t let her. being as encouraging as ever, they convinced her that she needed to follow her dreams. she had already given up a majority of her teenage years to help them out when they needed it most. they wouldn’t let her miss out on anything else

so with a heavy heart but on a good scholarship, she left for columbia university without any idea of what to expect. new york was a whole new world for her and she was thrown off by how talented, beautiful, and wealthy her peers were. she had felt like a big fish in a really small pond during her high school days. but for once she was a tiny fish in the big wide ocean

her larger than life persona came back into play-- masking her worries and insecurities with a version of herself that was so confident that she even began to fool herself. she got a bit lost in the fantasy. her true self-slipping away. she almost had this alter ego ??? ( come thru hannah montana moment okay ) wannabe starlet rubbing elbows with the future CEOs and celebrities of the world by day and local pizza parlor waitress by the night, working to make a decent living while also sending money back home when she could

she also had to maintain good grades to keep her scholarship and participate in performances that her department put on in order to rise in the ranks

honestly the only time she got a little peace was when she was hanging out with her few GOOD friends. like the people that actually got to know her past her fake personality. they were also music people so they spent a lot of time together just messing around with instruments and vocals and writing songs in their own little makeshift studio / hangout spot

it started off as just fun and games, but with their help margo created some original songs and released them as an indie artist. she put herself out there on her social media profiles like “hey stream my new single!!!!!!” and people ate it up. after releasing a few tracks and establishing her own following, her music eventually got to the right people and she was given the opportunity to sign to an actual label which was wild ???

and while it was an amazing opportunity, releasing music under the label was also very demanding. when she was releasing music from the comfort of her friend’s studio it was purely a fun creative outlet and done on her own time. it was just... rough. but how could she complain when she was making a name for herself in the music industry + making bank from royalties + getting to meet all these cool famous people and go to parties with them and y’know ... spiral and slack off on other responsibilities

*DEATH TW* it was around her junior year that things started to go from bad to worse. she remembers exactly where she was and what she was doing when she got the call from her dad informing her of her mom’s extended stay in the hospital. things weren’t looking too good. there wasn’t anything they could do for the older lady and honestly she was done fighting. margo flew back home to chicago immediately and stayed at her childhood home for the following weeks until her mother passed. it was absolutely devastating. she stayed in chicago with her dad for months as they worked through their grief together *DEATH TW END*

columbia was pretty understanding of her situation and was willing to be accommodating so she could finish her degree plan, but margo put things off for so long that she eventually just withdrew from the university and was dead set on just living in chicago forever

i’m not gonna lie, margo was down and out for a little while. didn’t talk to anyone really, rarely left the house, stopped making music, and just sorta fell off completely. the only good thing that came out of the year or so that she spent back home was she stepped away from the false reality she created for herself in new york, which helped her realize that she didn’t love the person she was becoming or the things she was doing. she wasn’t even really involved with her one true passion which was theatre / acting

it was with a little boost from her dad ( literally her biggest fan , i love this man okay ) that she started acting like herself again. he told her that her mom wouldn’t want her to give up on everything and neither would he. so with a new found determination ( and a pretty exciting career opportunity ), margo put on her big girl pants and moved her ass back to new york to finally do what she loves to do

and here we are now ! she’s stepping into her break-out role onto broadway as lydia deetz in bettlejuice the musical

she’s only been back in new york for a few months at this point i’d say ??? and i can’t wait to see her come into her own and grow into the margo i know and love ... but also hate because she’s so so dumb :-) <3

*+:｡.｡ 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘  &  𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒｡.｡:+*

she has no chill, probably will never have any chill, and i am sorry for that ASJNDLK she’s just overdramatic as hell !!! she’s a theatre kid at heart and i would expect absolutely nothing less from her

generally good-natured though and has good intentions. just simply has piss-poor execution sometimes

down to clown and ready to have a good time all the time all in the name of enjoying life to its fullest while we all have a chance

the only thing she takes seriously is her work life. she’s on her grind okay, it took a lot for her to get to where she is today and she’s not going to just let it slip away that easily. she’s doing everything she can to make not only herself proud but her parents :’-)

still releases her own music under the label but her primarily focus is on her budding broadway career and the label is understanding of that ... mostly because she called an executive meeting ( against her manager’s better judgement ) and was super up front and threatened to walk out if they didn’t see reason ... but at least things worked out well !!!

she mostly writes songs for other people at this point in her career. some big names too ( just like ... google julia michael’s career and apply it to margo okay thank u )

honestly her management teams worst nightmare simply because she does not listen and will do whatever she wants and post whatever she wants and will not apologize for being her authentic self in media

like, she’s just starting to figure out who she is again and they want her to stop and act fake because she’s not being very “family-friendly” or because it doesn’t make her “look good to the public” ??? nah f*ck that !

while she is sociable and fun-loving, she’s also hard to seriously get to know sometimes because of all those years of putting up a front. like sometimes she doesn’t even realize that she’s not being 100% genuine ??? so you could be hanging out with her every single day and still not know her completely and she might not open up and that’s okay, she’s working on it

she is a pretty good friend tho ! super loyal, a true ride or die, will want to fight anyone that you have a problem with, showers you in compliments and gifts, truly 10 / 10

but if she doesn’t like you or if you’ve mistreated her in any way at all she will in fact hold it against you for the rest of her life. just petty as a mf and i hate her for it like sis pls leT SH*T GO !!!!

didn’t grow up rich so now that she’s making bank she’s one of those people that just buys dumb things just because she can ??? the size of her closet is absolutely ridiculous, just overflowing with clothes and accessories, and the amount of random packages that get delivered to her apartment that she doesn’t even remember ordering is even more so ... just ... irresponsible spender

stubborn ?? what is compromising ??? doesn’t know her but will try ( begrudgingly ) if she really likes you

hates being bored. can and will go to excessive lengths to avoid boredom

partygirl margo has not stopped, will not stop, and cannot be stopped much to my own disappointment

self-proclaimed dancing queen. really puts all those years of classical dance training to good use by hopping on top of tables / countertops at parties to shake some ass

surprisingly a responsible adult that can cook and clean and get shit done when she really puts her mind to it ??? this developed over the years that her mom was sick and bedridden and she stepped up to take care of household chores while her dad worked doubles

very family-oriented and talks to her dad all the time. like, calls him daily for really dumb reasons. any time she feels down the first person she wants to talk to is him ( well it’s actually her mom, who was her best friend in the whole world, but since she’s not here anymore they make do as just the two of them )

her ego is LARGE. GRANDE. thinks very highly of herself as a result of being praised too much as a child probably. not to mention she is very very good at what she does, has more talent in her little pinky then i do in my whole body. she’s secretly insecure on the inside but she presents as an overconfident bad bitch

a staple to her character that i wish she would shake is her inability to handle her own feelings in a healthy way ... she just sorta ... shuts down ?? runs away ?? acts like nothing is happening ?? it’s bad. would rather leave than get left and bottle up all her feelings and kick them under the bed then ever open up

has a terrible sleeping pattern and cannot stay on a solid sleep schedule to save her life. undiagnosed insomniac. when her mind just won’t calm down she often goes out to keep her occupied and avoid any overthinking that might occur when she’s in her own company

her life motto is #YOLO and does a lot of stupid sh*t because of it

probably uses tiktok too much both as a consumer and a content creator. vlogs her backstage experiences and also just posts dumb, amusing things

this is so long i’m sorry if you read this whole thing i just have a lot of feelings about her after writing her for so many years AKJSDK i’ll shut up now BYE

i have margo’s wc page HERE but just some ideas are best friends, frenemies, confidants, fellow music people, party friends, pr friends or pr rivals, crushes, on and off again, exes, roommate, childhood friends, family friends, good influence, bad influence, honestly truly anything and everything PLS i love to plot and write w/ all of you ! <3

[theguyeveryonehates86-blog]

Part 1 of many

I am 32 married, house, car, two dogs, a job, fit, happy, healthy, friends, and family.

Until ...

One day in 2014, moments after I had asked for a divorce from husband, my world came crumbling down. I moved 1500 miles to the land of Minnesota where I have struggled to keep my head even close to the surface of being okay financially, mentally, and physically. Things progressed and I began to use drugs and liquor, In and out or rehab, living on the street, and taking advantage of the niceness of others if they would let me rent from them, especially if i would promise money, lose my job due to my depression and anxiety, spend my savings on drugs to masc my pain, and not have any money for rent.

2016(feb)- im single, living it up, drinking stuff, i was doing drugs, having sex for drugs, sex for places to sleep and then I got really sick. I go in to the doctor and i was diagnosed GohnaClamidyaSyphilAids. I hadnt been sexual with a wide variety of people, but it seemed wierd to have all to these at once. Thats the first time i kind of noticed the drugs and sex were a whole different ball game in minnesota...but things cleared up .....it took a while because im allergic to pennecilin, got my counts up, I went from and aids diagnosis to a undetectable viral load, healthy, but not happy.

I still had a hole inside me that was getting bigger. I was no longer using meth i wasnt talking to my druggin people, i was developing "friendships" in the sober community, i was maintaining a job, i had a car, living in a sober house, and that stupid depression started feeding off the guilt and shame from being used by those guys to be their host of all their std's, and I got weaker amd BAM BAM-Hit it. I hit the druhs hard... with the same guys who had most likely givwb ne the stds.this time......another STI. Whatever, im a slut, perdect at leqst Im being validated, and was fixed with a pill. Im not having the time of my life, I should be, Im in my early 30s. I get into rehab, I get "better" but now im not getting attention from guys around me. I am not dating, im not havung sex, im not communicating very well with the guys around me, im jusy becoming bitter, and passive agressive, and talking so negative about myself and others, it has to be my weight their weight, , my teether arent brite enough, i dont have a good enough job, i dont have new clothes, Im this, that, and the other thing, and when a guy did talk to mw(which i think was a bet from his friends cuz by this point im shrek amdbbn ive been used to look like a foolby guys in the pasr) i would start to play this game, i woukd flirt along with them, ask the right questions, pretend im interested im their dumb job or their cat matilda, or ur stuck in a bad relationship the passed two years...blah blah blah

I stopped caring and i was becoming a mean girl. Likejanice, and regina had a baby....

Sex, well since my extravaganza of all the stis, and my trust of guys plummeted, how do you get all of them at once, unless your being targeted is what i wqs thinking.

The drug world can get intense. A lot of lying, stealing, cheating, games, unless...They were only that way with me. I always kinda knew that these guys werent supportive of me like they were eachother. It didnt seem like they trusted me. I mean I didnt steal their drugs like their buddies dis, maybe i did in different ways, but nothong on purpose, I would get shorted on my bags, and i would get setup by them to look like a fool. I was not getting invited to the sex parties, and they would make snyde comments while i was naked like how small my penis was, or that my butt was too small, too much Bush, not enough bush, back hair, ass hair, no hair muscles are too small, too much fat, blah blah i would act too crazy when i shot up meth. I was now an outcast in the drug world, the sober world, the lgbtqia world, and im feeling more alone each and every day.blah blah blah poor me get off the drugs.

I feel like all of this has stemmed from my divorce. I had told my husband I was not attracted to him anymore, that I wished he had a bigger penis, I hated edward mya, i didnt like him following me and that I thought Bathsheeba was a fucking stupid name for a fucking stupid cat. I started giving him reasons too follow me, check in on me, track my phone, (which he still is im sure of it) Well, A reason.. Started "cheating" i found that meth and sex was a lot of fun...yes I am the villan in my own story but as hopefully you can see, it takes two to tango. In an attempt to have my own separate life with friends I would drink after work, my husband would get his pissy pants on, or jealous, or whatever and drive thru the parking lot lurking to see if I was there. One night I decided that ill let me fuck some strangers. #bathouse #guesswhowasthere

Anyway, he waited for me to come out of the bathhouse we had a talk, i asked for the divorce, it was a fairly pleasent divorce. He was already dating, i found my love in a needle things were just peachy.

[spes-elpis]

3/21/2022

wow its almost been a year since i wrote in here. and im not gonna finish all that other stuff from that last post. i actually had that post in drafts for some reason. anyway, i’ve been...tired. so much has happened these past two years i feel like ive aged 10 years, and yet its also been such a blur too. i started a new job and been working for about 3 weeks now. its coffee bean and tea leaf. the people are so nice its almost suspicious. and it wasn't until a hobo freaked out in the store that i realized im un-phased by those things cause they were so normal where i used to live. this is my first “teen” job. ive only ever really worked jobs that entailed certain professional fields and not barista with drive thru experience. its fine though. pretty easy although instead of me being the younger new girl, i am now older than half my coworkers and a few supervisors. after the past 2 years my finances went down the drain along with my credit score. so ill have to look for a second job cause this 15bucks and hour on part time is not gonna cut it. ive been stressed over money since last December when my government help stopped. for a while my fiance was working side jobs when i need him to work an actual job where he clocks in and gets a steady paycheck. i support him way to much when im the woman in the relationship i should be the stay at home one in the kitchen. its bothered me for a while now. me taking care of him when he should, at least financially. hell a few days ago we bought groceries for 300bucks and he was like it was expensive when can i get money from you and i was like EXCUSE ME? it had gotten so irritating with little things here and there like i bought him a 50 dollar atst figure for his bday while i also buy our toiletries, laundry, and food things. he doesn't buy me shit. when we go out for food is really the only time he pays and even then he sometimes asks me for money. i really needed nonslip shoes for my job but couldn't afford them and it took so much for him to finally say ok you can BORROW my money. i was like fuck you cant just buy them for me? its not even a fun thing its a job necessity. and with all this buying stuff and him asking me for money almost expecting me to do it has gotten me into the type of thinking where i don't want to marry him. ive come to that a few times. though he doesn't know, im sure it'd hurt him, ive come so close to calling off the engagement and just staying this way but where i don't buy him shit anymore. so i made a promise with the Lord last month. i was like ok if by the end of next month he doesn't go out to apply to a steady job, then im gonna have a serious conversation with him about whats at stake. THANKFULLY pretty much at the beginning of this month he started looking for a steady job with tradesman stuff like electrician and construction. i hope that him having a steady income will also fix his attitude and depression. i cant help but remember what my dad told me once.

     “Men need to work and have a steady income in order to care for their families and when they don't have that they feel so helpless and depressed because they feel they are unable to care for their loved ones.” (paraphrased)

I think that's exactly whats happened to Max. i love him sooooooooooooo much but i also am starting to think more of how i want to be a stay at home mom who home schools her children and takes care of a small farm. all that traditional family life costs STABILITY. and money, sadly, is the root of everything. i don't ever want to hold money over anything, because i believe life and relationships and experiences are worth so much more. but i also know the reality of it being, you need money to do all those things. i want my kids to experience different cultures and travel to beautiful natural places but that costs money. i hate that money has such a horrible hold. i grew up with no money so no real way to adventure and fly free like ive always wanted, like i would in my books. i don't want my kids to feel trapped like that. i don't want them to just explore from a book, but also out there where people and nature are.

[ligiaonwlz]

My good friend Connie received this letter from someone who uses personal care assistance in her everyday life, without it there is no way of her to live. This is an example of what people with disabilities have to deal with not only during this pandemic, but everyday. Please read the letter and if any of you know someone or you yourselves can help, please let me know.

"Dear Connie,

I am sending this email to you because I don't know what to do and need help.

I am a severely disabled woman who lives in Richmond, California. I receive Supportive Living Services from the Regional Center of the East Bay, and I am self vendorized. I don't use an agency. I also receive 283 hours of IHSS hours a month.

I found out this evening on December 2nd that one of my attendants that receives Regional Center funding has tested positive for covid-19. This attendant works quite a number of hours and is a backup attendant for the rest of my staff.

What am I supposed to do with my backup attendant unable to work? I last saw this attendant on Tuesday, November 23, 2020. But I haven't been feeling well since the day after Thanksgiving. I need to get tested. But I'm scared to go to a testing site because if I'm not sick with covid-19, I don't wish to get the virus by hanging out at a testing site. I wanted to go through a drive-thru testing site. But I was told that paratransit vans were not allowed to go through a drive-through site. When I was severely ill in March, I was even told that I should go to a drive-through site in an attendant's car. I can't do that! I'm severely disabled and use a power chair for daily mobility.

As I mentioned, in March of this year, I was very sick. All of my attendants were sick, and hence I became extremely ill. A doctor told me to self-isolate. Due to the severity of my disability, this was extremely difficult. I can't go through the same difficulty again. It is not realistic when someone who has a significant disability and needs daily help for the recipient and their multiple attendants to all social distance.

In March, the Contra Costa Board of Health had telephone meetings regarding the pandemic. Several other folks and I asked how to keep themselves and their clients/ attendants safe. All we were told from the Contra Costa Board of Health was to try your best. The state has to have a better answer than try your best! The county Public Authority did not give me or any of my attendants any PPE. So my staff and I were left to our own devices.

I reached out to my Regional Center caseworker and was not given PPE until approximately June of this year. I'm now running low on PPE - my attendants and I have taken to reusing gloves and masks because my attendants and I can't find anymore, and I cannot afford to pay if I could find any.

One of my other attendants is 71 years old. She gets tested frequently for covid-19. I have been looking to replace her for over 6 months. I turned to the Public Authority of Contra Costa County to find a suitable replacement.

Public authorities are a joke. I have never liked the Public Authority system. It's a bureaucratic waste of money. I can never get attendants from the Public Authority because they don't adequately maintain appropriate lists, and the attendants are subpar.

When I try to place my own ads for attendants, no one wants to answer my ads because the pay is so low, and they can find easier jobs elsewhere without all of the bureaucratic hoops of our dysfunctional IHSS provider referral system. This is especially true with the living wages in each city rising. With poor wages comes poor quality workers. This leaves me and other recipients with the very real possibility of getting hurt and getting physically abused because of the lack of an abundant care provider workforce. Throwing more money at the problem of these agencies like the IHSS Public Authorities won't make it any better because it is just like taking money and throwing it down the toilet. Instead, the state has to fix the systemic problems within the Public Authorities system or (preferably) get rid of the system entirely and create something new. I vote to create something new.

I thought about reaching out to Adult Protective Services, but I reached out to them nearly 15 years ago, and my experience was so bad that I never want to deal with that agency again.

When I was sick in March, my Regional Regional Center caseworker suggested that I go to the hospital and ask them to admit me. I was very severely ill and was not able to get a covid test because of disability-related access reasons as I mentioned before, I was afraid to get covid in the hospital. I really need to find a way to currently get covid tested and find attendants for my open attendant shifts.

I started this letter with a question. What am I supposed to do when a main attendant of mine has Covid-19?. How will the state help me in my time of need?

Or, does the state care so little about severely disabled individuals that people like myself are left to fend for ourselves? Are our lives so disposable that we don't matter??? Who is going to help me, and where do I turn for non-existent help now?

I have become seriously depressed and emotionally drained by the situation. I feel like I have nowhere to turn and that the state of California does not care about my health and safety. At this point, I don't even believe the state cares if I lived or died due to Covid 19. The state of California is not looking at me as a person of value with a life to lead. But rather, I am a cog in the state system, and if I died, the state would actually save money. I would no longer be a financial burden to the state. Maybe this is why the state has not bothered to fix the systemic problems affecting those with severe disabilities. At the state's bureaucratic core, we are an unsung population that no one really cares about.

My current open attendant shifts are the following: Tuesday and Thursday nights. from 6pm -9pm.

The caregiver duties are:

*meal prep

*cooking dinner

*cleaning after the meal

*general house cleaning,

*undressing and dressing for bed

* putting me in bed"

[balonlionardo1992]

nader’s insurance newark ohio

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nader s insurance newark ohio, TN. Her auto insurance will go up $150 when i purchase car insurance for it. But only $3.50 more per month. In the state of Tennessee, drivers are required to have good driving records and pay a higher insurance rate. So, if you get into accidents, it can end up costing you. It s really like that if you don t know where to read. And then you will find the insurance company that doesn’t cover the damage. That is why it cost me, $13-$15 extra each month. My mother is 85 bc she wasn t driving at the time of the car accident. But she had the highest deductible for her car insurance. I’m in the middle of getting my auto insurance thru the college. She lives outside of the state and we have her own house and works at the same job. She told her insurance company she lives in California cause the accident where she is driving it. So she lives with her husband in the. nader s insurance newark ohio. I have my daughter and I m a newborn now and have to insure him. The premiums were so high and I was worried he would be able to get his vehicle insured later on that he does have I m so sorry to hear about you son has been the insurance company since we first met and the insurance is that much better than he has his daughter. I think he s going to be required to do some paperwork and I m so sorry cause I m really sorry cause he s doing the paperwork and do my best and so we could be the insurance company to replace the car cause he does have a good credit background I have the insurance and now he needs to do paperwork he was trying to be the only one in the car with me so I was thinking it was my own insurance, when I contacted him he is super pissed and because he has a bad driving record I guess insurance companies can tell them that he has one bad driving record but his past or history on the record in my case. nader s insurance newark ohio tawda on and after they had to pay $1,000.00 they did say that their insurance went back over. We are dealing with this company, so, they were on the way out and would not send back the info they provided. So, it’s about it. If you do have the new car I would purchase a new car that they are paying off to insure you. Please, don’t be with them. This is an expensive insurance company. I am a senior in college, a small local auto dealer, so I could I had to start working one Sunday and get the paperwork. But there was the problem. The dealer was in, I was dealing the check they said. He said the first one would be $1,000.00. I have to get a lot of paperwork but I was told by the auto insurance company that they did not have to send him or anything the verification papers they provided. So, in the state and now.

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Nader s Insurance Address: 3 East Federal Way, Ste 100 Boston, MA 03775 800-241-9456 Fax: () About Ann Ann is married to a great estate. Her husband is the manager of the investment company. Ann is an honors student at Northeastern University, and is married to her first husband, the attorney, Michael. Ann is a writer for CarInsuranceSoCal.com for approximately 10 years and contributes to several women s resources. Prior to joining the firm, she worked in private practice as a writer and editor, and has written for a variety of social distancing and business publications. Ann is known as a critical person, which is very evident when looking at her Twitter and social media activity. A few days before Ann was to leave for work, she posted a video on her facebook with this caption: “#annayslutgers13. . . . She’ll be driving a.

Nader s Insurance Owner:

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[calvin-af-crone]

What financial advice would you give to the young working people out there? I'm in my late 20's and I'm not earning big bucks but I'm able to live comfortably and take a vacation or two a year. My biggest fear is getting older and not having enough money. It's scary to think that by the time I retire social security pension won't be an option.

Okay. Here I go & I’m gonna sound like a cranky old lady but I’m telling ya the Terrible Truth.

I have no good advice except don’t build up any credit card debt & always keep a stash of cash in a fireproof box along w/ emergency supplies to survive the inevitable unforeseen disaster that’s gonna come down on you sooner or later. Job loss, sudden illness or injury, internet and/or power outages, fire, flood, hurricane, tornado, earthquake, riots & revolutions—there is no safe place on Earth. All your careful planning won’t protect you from whatever you don’t see coming. 

Stay close w/ your family and/or make friends that are like family who can & will support you emotionally & financially thru troubled times.

Do not invest your money in the stock market. It’s a casino & you shouldn’t play the game unless you can afford to lose every penny. Remember 2008 & how the pension funds & 401K’s got raped. It’s better to buy gold chains because you can always pawn them at their inflated value.

The way things are now, there’s no way to predict the future. We could be witnessing the collapse of the American Empire. I kinda expect to have my Social Security pension pulled out from under me before I die. Stay WOKE to know when to flee the country & have enough cash to do it.

Relax & learn to laugh at uncertainty. We like to believe that God has a plan for us but we probably won’t enjoy it. The Universe is not an orderly place. Random variables keep colliding w/ our clockwork expectations. Let go of your fear. It does you no good to worry about events beyond your control. Take care of the stuff you can manage like your emotions. 

Always prepare for the worst then be pleasantly surprised when things aren’t as bad as you thought they might be. Don’t ignore evacuation notices & end up stranded on your roof. If you see smoke, don’t go exploring for the source. Grab your valuables & get the hell away from the fire. If you hear gunfire outside, do not look out your window to see what’s going on. Go hide in a windowless bathroom, which is usually a safe place from bullets passing thru walls.

Enjoy every moment the best you can & don’t worry about 40 years from now. You might not live that long. 

[motherhenna]

Okay def wanna know more about milo and kerza and dublin. How were they able to overcome or work thru the dysfunction to actually end up married and everything? Like you say milo changed a bit for the better but how did kerza change?

One thing I’d like to explore if I ever actually turned their post-war // dublin experience into a novel in and of itself would actually be the concept of romantic love versus friendship, and why marriage is usually based on only the former. But in the most basic terms, “modern” marriage is a legally binding partnership that ideally lasts–well, forever. So what I propose is that marriages don’t always have to be passionate and romantic in the conventional sense to work out. While a unique kind of sexual/romantic feeling does eventually develop between the two, I still feel the need to stress that their relationship is a friendship, first and foremost. But because “just friendship” between men and women wasn’t accepted as feasible in the society of the time (and it still isn’t, more often than not :/), marriage became–weirdly enough–the next most plausible option for them. Essentially, it allowed Milo and Kerza to live together (without social stigma), build a home for themselves, and rest easy at night knowing that they’ve chosen someone who will always be there. 

In a lot of ways, the war destroyed both of their capacites for…well, ordinary romance. Any relationship–but especially romantic ones–require a high level of vulnerability and trust between partners, things that neither Kerza nor Milo are ever really comfortable with again, even with each other, as it obviously takes a lot of blood, sweat and tears for them to create a sustainable and functional partnership. Plus, both have been severely traumatized, and end up struggling with mental illness for the rest of their lives, which obviously makes finding an ideal romantic partner significantly more complicated and difficult. Like, speaking as someone who’s mentally ill myself, I know I wouldn’t feel right about dating a completely neurotypical individual, as this automatically creates a skewed power dynamic and a sense of “you just don’t get it”. Thus, it makes sense that Kerza and Milo gravitate towards people who have shared in similar struggles as themselves, which is the concept that my quote “we are bound by suffering and love” revolves around. In a lot of ways, though their joint traumas create a lot of dysfunction and even friction between them, the pros overall outweigh the cons. Their demons play well with each other, so to speak.

I’m thinking of adding a quick “Editors note” to the end of Vergessenheit, in which Kerza’s eldest daughter, Petra, attempts to come to terms with the experience of reading and editing her mother’s creation and tries to piece together the woman that she once was. I’d like her to briefly describe what it was like growing up with Kerza and Milo for parents: mention that although, as a child, Petra knew they loved each other, she could tell they were different than most of the married couples she knew of. Though the two sometimes shared an offhand kiss before parting ways on busy mornings and were so often by each other’s side, there was never the kind of sexual tension between them that’s usually seen/felt with lovers. Never anything delicate or traditionally romantic: just the rough, comfortable kind of affection between the oldest of friends, interspersed with occasional hand bolding and the odd kiss or two. They never called each other “dear” or “darling” unless speaking sarcastically, preferring old nicknames and tender insults in their native tongue. Though they squabbled often, their rows would rarely last long, and they’d always go back to their usual easiness sooner rather than later.

But yeah that was probably kind of dense, but basically the gist is that I’d warn my readers against holding their breath for any traditional romance between Kerza and Milo 😂 though they have their occasional moments of passion, their relationship actually stays weirdly similar to how it was in their childhood, despite everything–just with both parties being much more mature, world-weary and ripped at the edges. 

As far as personal changes undergone by these characters go: Kerza grows for the better due to her innate desire for movement and a hatred of stagnancy. Without these personality traits, she would have likely fallen all the deeper into that familiar pit of regret and bitterness that so many other trauma survivors without proper support are dragged into. She initially wraps herself up in anguish completely, allowing herself to experience these emotions in all their fullness–and though this kind of immersion is always a harrowing experience, she came out of it still standing. Metaphorically, Kerza ripped off her bandage and dealt with the agony that comes with cleaning a wound. But Milo, unequipped and too afraid to confront whatever was underneath, left it all to fester. 

This is why Kerza is able to move on with her life so much quicker than Milo, at least on the surface. She keeps herself as busy as possible, with either traveling, studying, or–eventually–working at a local Dublin newspaper to support herself. She starts out as an unpaid intern, then a secretary, and continues climbing the ladder until she is able to earn the respect of her colleagues and pursue a career in journalism. And though Kerza was always interested in that field and probably would have gone into the workforce no matter what, one of the main reasons she became as intense as she did about her career is the basic need for money and stability.  Her only remaining relative, Aunt Kitty, had never been a particularly financially reliable individual (despite her intellect and love of numbers), since she always moves around too much to hold down a steady job and is entirely unused to having anyone to take care of, let alone two traumatized children (as Daniel too is without close relatives, and chooses to remain with Kerza rather than plunging into an orphanage or foster home). Kerza’s parents had been saving up a sizable nest egg for their children, but nearly all of it had been depleted during the post-WWI financial crash–so while they were all able to live relatively comfortably after the worst of the depression, it was at the cost of their savings. Thus, when Kerza at last receives her inheritance, it’s just barely enough to supplant her travels across Greece and America, pay for her courses and schoolbooks at University (for a year or two at least), and help her aunt with the annual payments to Daniel’s boarding school back in Bonn. Plus, when Daniel decides to follow her to Ireland in 1947, she wants to be able to support him as well, even though he insists on living in the dormitories with the other foreign or out-of-town students so as not to impose on her.

So yeah, that’s Kerza’s section: she essentially goes from a good-hearted but immature and melodramatic little girl to a fiercely independent and hard-working young woman: a survivor in every sense of the word. 

That’s all I have room for right now haha but let me know if you want to hear more!

[ponder-osapine]

https://twitter.com/venusselenite/status/817081266021531648

Support Black Trans Folks because these folks are disproportionately victims of harassment, assault, abuse, murder, sexual assault, homelessness, poverty, unemployment, and incarceration.

These folks are routinely denied access to jobs and housing.

It is the responsibility of those who hold privilege in our society because they have easier access to job security, housing, and financial stability and assets, to challenge the oppressive systems in place and redistribute wealth to those whose existence is denied and erased by these systems. If you are curious about any of the facts or figures I have mentioned scroll to the bottom.

https://twitter.com/venusselenite/status/817081266021531648

Here is a text version of the Twitter feed:

Support @GoddessX23's patreon so she can keep making literature: https://www.patreon.com/goddessx Buy @THELadyDane's books and book her for readings, concerts, oracular work, speaking, etc. http://www.ladydanefe.com Book @HunterLourdes on the 2017 leg of her Removing the Veil college lecture series and send funds because she's going to get her Ph.D. Fund #NamelessWoman, an upcoming anthology of fiction by TWOC which will include stories by Black trans women: https://www.kickstarter.com/…/nameless-woman-fiction-by-tra… Fund the Trans Women of Color Collective. http://www.twocc.us/donate/ Fund the Trans Sistas of Color Project. https://www.facebook.com/TSCOPD/ CC: @Idee_fixe_ Support @kyemasadesign, who designs a bunch of fly shit. https://t.co/Cz28CRfpdi Buy @LucylValentine's stellar book #Circa and other shit. http://shoplucyvalentine.bigcartel.com Support @TARANTINXO 's top surgery fund: https://t.co/DgDVY0YQF4 Support Miss Major, who was AT STONEWALL and CONTINUES TO WORK FOR US ALL. https://t.co/vAgdSljeAi Support Briana Johnson's 2-year campaign to have the medical transition she desires! https://t.co/zJAHDjqW21 Buy @samanthajomua's first book (in a set of three), #ShatteredPerfect. https://t.co/PNy6khxjWL Support @awQwardtalent, which is ran by Black trans people. http://www.awqwardtalent.com Support @TweetTrina4Lyfe and the Kitty Bella Show. http://kittybellalive.com/contact/ Bring @JMaseIII and @vitae4life (#BlackTransMagick) to your fucking venue. Support Andrea Jenkins' (@annapoetic) work and her run for Minneapolis City Council. http://andreajenkinspoet.com Buy @sidneychase's music and book her for shows and writing, etc. http://www.sidneychase.com Support @LaLaZannell's organizing work. Ramona is losing her job soon and needs money through PayPal and opportunities for work: Email & PayPal - ramonaknives@outlook.com Mickey is inbetween jobs and they will be commuting a lot for their upcoming internship. http://paypal.me/mickeyvalentinehttp://venmo.com/jamikasamantha Catherine desires to go back to school (They/them). https://t.co/E3Hq0txfR7 @reverenddollars is hustling thru her art and creating spaces for her community in Seattle. paypal: jarreaugreene@gmail.com DM her 4 Venmo. @FelusEdXius has so much legal shit and needs so much help. https://t.co/6LIyahYdPF @brownfxck is creating safe(r) spaces for sexuality and kink exploration/wellness and is ran by Black trans and queer people. Jasper attends school and does so much work, but needs the coin and wants to make films. PayPal: Kailauni.brooks88@gmail.com Devyn makes incredible art. Support through Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/thisnumberisinvalidvalid … Tumblr: https://t.co/uXnLKXp9u5 Toni needs funds for their name and gender change. https://t.co/KLM369FyDk Lola needs funds for their transportation, self-care, and survival. https://t.co/A6YvzUIMXM Lea is swimming in student loan debt and they need to fucking survive https://t.co/1H154OOeLq Michon needs money. PayPal - Zohar36@gmail.com Also, read their Medium piece: https://t.co/T5D9gS6YEE Carter needs money. https://t.co/5YdeFQZj5K Nikki needs money. https://t.co/M7YOsZNYHQ Donavan makes art and wants to sell their shit. http://serpenthouse.tumblr.com/ https://t.co/CDpOM5SfUO Clara Mejías is a Black trans woman in Venezuela. https://t.co/TVfqxQFeeo Taylor Johnson is one of the dopest poets I know. Period. (They/them) trbjohnson1@gmail.com - PayPal. Myka was just fired and is filing for unemployment tomorrow and they got several past due bills. https://t.co/Zto2S8UJP3 @jonmax65 is surviving by the motherfucking day. Her Venmo: AlexisGreen2016 Michael David Battle needs his work elevated. Paypal: paypal.me/michaeldavidbattle Websites: gardenofpeaceproject.orgmichaeldavidbattle.com @chrysalisamidst out here making art and shit in Buffalo PayPal - chrysalisamidst@gmail.com Osiris needs money. Paypal - Handsumhustla08@yahoo.com @eTheHustla is having some difficult times right now and needs all the solidarity. https://t.co/Hbk83m9uxO Leah from East L.A. has to be in Oakland for a huge test tomorrow and needs funding for transportation. https://t.co/icROjr16Oz Ralayzia STILL needs all the help! #JusticeForRalayziahttps://t.co/SdtX3yl6Xm Helena needs funds for her gender and name changes, and needs food. PayPal - hmvillanuevareagent@gmail.com @hardH2Oprincess has bills coming, needs food, waiting for more work to come, etc. https://venmo.com/Xena-Ellison @hardH2Oprincess also can't afford her hormones right now. Naomi (They/them) is a multidisciplinary artist and needs funding. Patreon – KoochieKoochieKu https://t.co/4gVgxBK0Ux Jahleelah is mentally ill and is trying to escape an abusive and neglectful environment. https://t.co/W9rh1KWa9o @jkharij is doing so much amazing work and always needs the funding. “I’m a black nonbinary freelance cartoonist and the work I produce is always free. Example of work: http://jkharij.com/mgmg ways to support paypal.me/jkharijwww.venmo.com/jkharij cash.me/$jkharij peace” Khye is starting a business for trans and GNC folks and needs seed money. Squarecash - $khyeblue Tiph won't have gigs until next week and is out of a car. Funds for groceries and transportation needed. PayPal - misstiffb@aol.com The help that I (Venus Selenite) need: Buy my book, #trigger: https://www.createspace.com/6215186 Book me on the last leg of my #triggerTour: venusselenite@gmail.com Send me money: http://PayPal.Me/VenusSelenite or https://t.co/IYYuFGJQKN Alex (they) is a Black and Native, queer trans femme looking for a job, apartment, and to get back into school. https://venmo.com/alexoceann @FranciscoLWhite is in dire need of funds. https://t.co/KlzDVd1pSA Tee needs funding for them and their child. Beautyizmaname@aim.com - PayPal Tcurry5592@gmail - google wallet @AliDTheGreat needs a lotta funds. https://t.co/1rbTRABaJV Shane needs funds and accepts them through Facebook Messenger. Link to his page: https://t.co/J4vATazTLV Cidney also needs funds. hollidaycidney@gmail.com - Google Wallet. Ty needs money for their top surgery/transition. https://www.gofundme.com/2mmhh2s Nat needs funds for food and medication. PayPal: jbakiryu@yahoo.com Also Facebook Messenger: https://t.co/FCdy1RTzZL ‪@HowlingNextToYo is in-between jobs and is helping their sister out with a newborn child. Venmo - Wolf-Valencia ‪@corny_stepdad needs funding for tech supplies to make digital artwork. https://www.youcaring.com/imani-outen-607549…

If you are curious about any of the facts or figures I have mentioned:

"One in five transgender people in the United States has been discriminated when seeking a home, and more than one in ten have been evicted from their homes, because of their gender identity." http://www.transequality.org/issues/housing-homelessness

"Transgender people are four times more likely to live in poverty. Transgender people experience unemployment at twice the rate of the general population, with rates for people of color up to four times the national unemployment rate. 90% of transgender people report experiencing harassment, mistreatment or discrimination on the job. 22% of respondents who have interacted with police reported harassment by police, with much higher rates reported by people of color. Almost half of the respondents (46%) reported being uncomfortable seeking police assistance. 41% of respondents reported attempting suicide, compared to 1.6% of the general population." http://www.thetaskforce.org/…/downloads/reports/reports/ntd… http://www.thetaskforce.org/…/transsurvey_prelim_findings.p…

"Transgender workers report unemployment at twice the rate of the population as a whole (14% vs. 7% at the time the workers were surveyed). More than four in 10 transgender people (44%) who are currently working are underemployed. Transgender workers are nearly four times more likely than the population as a whole to have a household income of under $10,000 (15% vs. 4% at the time the workers were surveyed)." http://www.hrc.org/…/transgender-workers-at-greater-risk-fo…

"87% of anti-LGBTQ murder victims in 2011 were people of color" http://www.glaad.org/…/violence-against-transgender-people-…

“For every dollar owned by the average white family, in the United States, the average family of color has less than one dime.” http://jlovecalderon.com/the-color-of-wealth-a-response-to…/

[jobsearchtips02]

Coronavirus: Working in fast-food during pandemic, in workers’ words

Fast-food workers are still considered essential employees during the coronavirus outbreak.

SAUL LOEB/AFP via Getty Images

More than 100 people responded to Business Insider’s callout to tell us what it is like working in fast food during the coronavirus outbreak. 

Workers at chains including McDonald’s, Taco Bell, Arby’s, and Burger King discussed fears of infection, financial concerns, and looking for new jobs. 

“I haven’t seen my son or family in a week out of fear of infecting them unknowingly,” said one Domino’s driver.

Read on to hear from fast-food employees about working during the coronavirus epidemic in their own words. 

Visit Business Insider’s homepage for more stories.

As fast-food chains remain open across America amid the coronavirus outbreak, many workers feel as though they are putting their lives at risk by going to work.

When Business Insider put a call out for fast-food workers to share what it is like working during the coronavirus outbreak, we received more than 100 responses from people, many of whom were deeply worried about their health or the health of a family member. 

Business Insider spoke further with many of these workers via email, phone calls, and social media direct messages about what it is like working during the coronavirus pandemic. We verified these workers’ identities and employment through pay stubs or other documentation. The workers were either granted anonymity or referred to only by their first name in order to speak freely about their experience. 

“I fear catching this virus and taking it home,” one McDonald’s worker said. “I’m already poor. I live paycheck to paycheck, but I would much rather be out of work to help prevent the spread to my children or anyone else.”

“I’m currently looking for work-at-home opportunities, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to make the transition before becoming infected,” a Domino’s driver said. “I haven’t seen my son or family in a week out of fear of infecting them unknowingly.”

Read on to hear from employees at chains including McDonald’s, Starbucks, Burger King, and Taco Bell describe in their own words what it is like working during the coronavirus pandemic. 

Quotes have been edited for clarity and length. All fast-food chains mentioned in this article were given an opportunity to comment on employees’ fears of getting sick and weathering financial concerns amid the coronavirus pandemic. 

A worker at McDonald’s

A McDonald’s employee wearing a face mask looks out as a Glovo food delivery courier picks up an order.

Valentyn Ogirenko/Reuters

My concern is I will get the virus and take it home to my kids. Fast-food drive-thrus aren’t safe. I deal with customers that will cough, sneeze and then hand you their money. Sorry, but you also can’t trust every worker to be clean.

I do need to work, but I also have two kids that have been hospitalized due to rare disease and I myself have health issues. I fear catching this virus and taking it home. I’m already poor. I live paycheck to paycheck, but I would much rather be out of work to help prevent the spread to my children or anyone else.

I love my kids and want them to stay safe. Please help the poor who are still being forced to take risks. 

Ryan, a worker at Dunkin’

Dunkin’ rest stop location.

Rebecca Harrington/Business Insider

The threat is so close and near I can practically smell the illness around me. I have expressed my concerns to my franchisees about sick workers and the amount of hours I will be required to work (sick or not) to keep their store running.

Mondays are my day off… my one and only day off … I had to go into work two different times that day … one in the morning and then again in the afternoon. After going in on my day off, I now have to work who knows how many hours until next Monday to actually get some rest.

How will I spend my day off? Resting because my feet are throbbing and I have no energy after working multiple positions and a million hours. I am on salary so on top of it I have no overtime to compensate financially what I myself am going through and doing to make somebody sitting in an office money.

I do hope other fast food workers aren’t going through the same as I am. Hopefully I do not get sick from the lack of rest. [I] hope my daughter doesn’t continue to be mad at her father because I was unable to take her on the weekend.

“Our top priority is the safety and well-being of our guests, employees, franchisees, their restaurant teams and the communities we serve,” Dunkin’ said in a statement. “We have implemented temporary brand standards, guidelines and enhanced safety measures at Dunkin’ restaurants nationwide, including moving to a carry-out or drive-thru model only, suspending the use of reusable mugs, and allowing franchisees to encourage cashless transactions where permissible. Additionally, in response to national guidance on social distancing and mandates in certain jurisdictions, franchisees have  marked floors with painter’s tape in six-foot increments to help ensure the safety of restaurant workers and guests who choose to order inside the restaurant, where permissible, and restaurant workers are also maintaining distance by keeping to their own work circles.

Between the federal bill that goes into effect April 1, jurisdictions that already mandated sick pay, and franchisees who have been offering sick pay as part of a suite of benefits to their employees, the great majority of crew members at Dunkin’ restaurants should have access to sick pay benefits during this time of crisis.

We and our franchisees remain vigilant in helping to minimize exposure and we will continue to do our best to provide a safe, secure restaurant experience for our guests and restaurant workers during this challenging and uncertain time.”

A worker at McDonald’s

McDonald’s.

Reuters

My job has been done away with. I am a janitor. I clean bathrooms and dining area and take out the trash and clean the parking lot. But now, I have no public to clean up after.

I wish customers would stay home and not eat fast food. … Ultimately, I understand by not having customers I won’t have a job. But I want my fellow Americans to be safe.

I don’t know what I’ll do with no education to get a better job and not being able to get any help until I can prove I need it when I only get paid for four hours a week.

A worker at Arby’s

Arby’s.

Irene Jiang / Business Insider

I think everyone that has to work during this crisis — medical, retail, and fast food industry — should get paid more for putting their families at risk. Why is this not something that is going into effect? If we have work during this  crisis and put our families at risk why, are we not being taken care of?

I am all for feeding the hospital employees, emergency personnel, but our governor said that basically people can travel just to go get take out. How is this stopping the spread of the virus?

Also, our customers need to be more understanding in our drive-thrus.We are there to serve them during the most scary time in our lives. Be nice to us and [do] not act like we are carriers of the virus.

People actually look at me is disgust, like I am infected by the virus. I go to hand them their change and they act like they don’t want to touch. I don’t want to touch you either, but I put a smile on my face and treat you with respect. 

Arby’s did not respond to Business Insider’s request for comment. 

A worker at Taco Bell

Taco Bell.

Taco Bell

We only have seven of us that work each shift, which is less than the recommended 10. We are drive-thru only, and if we don’t stay open I can’t pay my bills or send child support to my kids. I am grateful that so far I’m able to continue working, but I fear with restaurants being ordered to close, I won’t have any way to pay my bills or support my children.

I am more afraid of restaurants closing, including ours, than I am of getting sick. I would like customers to know we are taking extra precautions including all of us wearing gloves, including those who aren’t handling food, to ensure employees as well as our customers stay protected.

“We hear them and we understand their concerns,” a Taco Bell representative said. “Taco Bell and its franchisees, which consist of 350 small businesses, are working to ensure our restaurants are the safest places to work and eat.”

Taco Bell has rolled out new safety measures last two weeks, including providing gloves for all cashiers, increasing sanitizing routines, and ensuring hand sanitizer is available for workers and customers. Taco Bell is working on procedures to help workers with social distancing while working, according to a representative. 

“The drive-thru business continues to be essential, and one of the safest ways, for individuals and families to get food quickly and affordably,” a Taco Bell representative said. 

A worker at McDonald’s

McDonald’s.

Ann Saphir/Reuters

Every time a customer asks for a sauce, napkins, etc., I always see them reaching into their bag for fries — shoving it in their mouths and reaching out for what they asked for. I can sometimes feel the salt on my hands from their fries. That’s when I start to wonder do people even care about us. Sure, I can wear gloves but I’ll be concerned in changing my gloves consistently in order to keep the next customer safe.

A lot of employees go to work worried what will happen next to their jobs. All people see and hear is what the news and social media tells them. They need to be more vocal to us, and keep us with a positive mind set.

Am I worried about getting sick at work? Yes, I have little sister at home and my mom is diabetic. Not only do I risk my health, but I risk my [family’s health]. You can’t forget about others. If I’m working without knowing I have the virus, I can infect many more.

A worker at Domino’s

Domino’s worker.

AP Images / Sunday Alamba

We almost always have over 10 workers working at one time sometimes 20 on the weekend in a very small store. It’s very crowded.

With about seven to 12 drivers a shift coming into contact with what is estimated to be 10 people — some much more depending on the length of their shift — then each returning to the store after each delivery, it feels like I’m being exposed to the 10 to 20 co-workers plus everyone every driver delivers to that shift resulting in direct and indirect exposure to 100s of people a day.

Unfortunately I’m not able to stop going to work unless Domino’s lays me off so I can draw unemployment, I’m currently looking for work-at-home opportunities, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to make the transition before becoming infected. I haven’t seen my son or family in a week out of fear of infecting them unknowingly.

When asked for comment on worker’s concerns, a Domino’s representative said that the chain is using contactless delivery and many locations are instituting contactless carry out. All dine-in spaces are closed, and the chain has increased cleaning and sanitizing protocols. 

“For decades we have delivered to first responders, hospitals, shelters and neighbors in need,” Domino’s CEO Ritch Allison said in a statement. “It is our honor and privilege to do this for communities worldwide. While this global pandemic is a new challenge for us all, we will continue to follow advice of all health authorities and work hard to continue to feed our communities safely.”

A worker at Burger King

Burger King.

Irene Jiang / Business Insider

Since the coronavirus has become a pandemic and New York has become quite an unstable place due to panic/the spread of the virus, there have been plenty of policies enacted or discussed. Many of these are foolish.

We are still allowing customers to come inside and use the restrooms and order food.

We have to continually deal with close proximity with customers (and clean restrooms that they use).

In both drive-thru and in the dining room, we are to use these plastic containers to hand and accept credit cards and money. What foolish corporate idea is this? We are still touching the money — this protects nobody. And close contact is still necessary because the containers are not nearly six feet long.

Furthermore, the corporate decision was to have us bag up the food for drive thru, set it on a food tray, and hand it out to the customers in their cars. Try balancing a tray with a bunch of drinks on it and the incapable hands of a consumer strapped into their seat by a seat belt.

The drinks almost fall over every time and the customers continue to look at us with wild eyes like we are crazy for doing this. I explain to everyone that it’s stupid, but I must follow through because it’s what the company has mandated. 

“Burger King has over 65 years of experience serving affordable, convenient, and delicious food that is a critical part of the routine of millions of Americans every day,” a representative said in a statement. “We can help take the pressure off of overwhelmed grocery stores and families by offering dependable, clean and contact-less service via drive-thru and delivery and takeout options.”

The statement continued: “In places where required, we will be moving to drive-thru and delivery/takeout only operations and complying with public health guidelines and recommendations. The health and safety of our guests and team members is our top priority.  We have enhanced our already strict food safety and sanitation practices in our restaurants and are well positioned to operate safely during this challenging time for our nation and do our part to flatten the curve.”

A worker at Taco Bell

Taco Bell.

Irene Jiang / Business Insider

Because our lobbies are closed, our drive thru goes non-stop, one car after the other. It is exhausting us and it is making us weaker.

We are working ten times harder for no reason. We are human too. Yes, it’s nice to have a job when so many are losing theirs but it isn’t worth the risk.

A worker at Jack in the Box

Jack in the Box.

David McNew/Getty

Here in Alabama, the stores are out of a lot of products and it’s hard for us to get the items we need because we are at work in the restaurant. Single moms and dads cannot be at work daily and take care of their children at home because school is out. You cannot get a babysitter for them because you don’t know who has it.

This thing is an airborne disease that is basically a silent killer that we don’t know we have. I personally believe that [at] this time it would be better if everyone if they shutdown everything for a few weeks and try to protect everyone involved. 

I would rather lose a paycheck or two then keep going out to the job and possibly bringing it home to my daughter.  

It seems like people don’t think it will happen to them. Unfortunately we all are at risk.  It’s not worth losing your life over to be an employee to the public. It’s time for everyone to be home and trying to protect everyone else.  

A Jack in the Box representative said in a statement: “We appreciate our employees who continue to serve the public during these challenging times. Out of concern for their safety and the communities that we serve, we are continuing to follow national and state guidelines by implementing a contact-less system with our drive-thru, delivery and carryout services. We’ve always mandated heightened sanitization requirements as an ongoing practice. During this time, we are further protecting our employees and customers by implementing additional strict procedures to deeply clean and disinfect all surfaces every hour, such as sanitizing our cash registers more frequently and enacting mandatory hand-washing and glove wearing procedures.

For our company-owned restaurants, we have implemented a temporary sick pay and special quarantine program, and have encouraged our franchisees to follow suit. We’ve instructed anyone who is not feeling well to stay home. As most of our restaurants are franchise-owned and operated, we are closely monitoring and checking in regularly with all franchisees to ensure that our employee and guests’ well-being are the number one priority.”

A worker at McDonald’s

McDonald’s.

Justin Sullivan/Getty Images

I am fearful every time I go into work about bringing something home. I would say that my concerns for my children are higher than what I feel it would be a concern for myself. The fact that I have children who are high-risk makes the stress of being there even worse.

I see employees that are not using proper hand-washing. I have seen employees that will pick their nose and rub their faces and cough into their hands. Nobody is doing anything to correct it. When I see these things, I immediately wash my hands and protect myself the best way that I can. 

I know that we are helping out nurses with their coffees and truckers. They also need to understand that our situation — I feel at least — is that we are serving people with very high risk. It has been shown through the media that travelling is one of the biggest reasons how people catch the coronavirus. We are dealing with these people who are travelling through province to province.

Brent, a worker at Taco Bell

Taco Bell.

Crystal Cox/Business Insider

We see Doctors, EMTs, and other “Essential Employees” making “hazard pay” and other differentials. It’s disgusting that we aren’t even recognized financially by the state, let alone the federal government.

We aren’t asking for $15/hr or anything permanent. We just want to be financially sound during this time of being considered “essential.”

Just this week I began taking time off, USING my vacation, just to give my own shifts to my Shift Managers and Team Members and give them hours. It’s the least I can do, as well as assist them with UC claims.

I wish no harm on Taco Bell, or even the franchise I work for, I simply want our country to acknowledge us for the HUGE job we do, just like our Doctor and EMT counterparts who are paid way more than us.

I don’t want my team to hate their job, due to a change in customer base. We love Taco Bell. The franchise and company in itself have always been amazing. I just think this disease is bringing out the worst in everyone and everything.

Niki, a worker at McDonald’s

McDonald’s drive-thru.

Yaoinlove/Shutterstock

I work at a McDonald’s, in the cash collecting window most of the day. There are so many things being talked about and done in response to this crisis. 

And yet nothing is being done or even discussed about the collection of money. Every car that uses cash causes me to dip back into what is very likely a contaminated drawer. I am practically bathing in hand sanitizer.

I fear that I’m a soldier on the front line, bound to be the first to fall. Over cheeseburgers. 

McDonald’s has been continually internally updating its approach to the coronavirus, as the virus spreads and states update their local regulations. While franchisees — not McDonald’s corporate headquarters — control operations in 95% of restaurants, the fast-food giant has been constantly revising and updating guidelines to share with franchisees. 

Last week, locations shut seating areas, moving to carry-out, drive-thru, and delivery. All stores are now rolling out contactless service, which includes updating how employees are configured while working and creating ways to get food made and handed off to customers without any contact. 

“While we continue to serve our communities, the safety, wellness and economic security of our customers and employees is our top priority as it has been throughout our 65-year history and especially today,” US President Joe Erlinger said in a statement shared with Business Insider when asked for comment.

A worker at Starbucks

Chairs are stacked in a Starbucks coffee shop that remained open for customers purchasing for take-away, Monday, March 16.

AP Photo/John Minchillo

I hate to generalize, but so many Starbucks customers are extremely entitled. They will cough all over us without covering their mouths, they will berate is, all in the midst of a pandemic.

Corporate has made it clear that they don’t care about us, as those of us who are sick with a fever or chest pain, are told to come in if we can’t find coverage. This isn’t only hazardous to fellow employees, but to any customers as well. I have asthma, and going into work where i come in contact with people who are absolutely careless terrifies me.

With the curve not being flattened, more and more cases are being announced every day. As medical professionals have stated, COVID-19 is an extremely contagious disease. Starbucks can afford to close its stores and still pay its employees, but they are choosing to side with the profit.

Since Business Insider spoke to this Starbucks employee, the chain has rolled out some of the boldest corporate responses to the pandemic. Last Friday, Starbucks announced it was closing all cafés, moving to a drive-thru and delivery-only model. All workers would be paid for 30 days, whether they went to work or not, with employees who did attend work getting a $3 raise. 

JP, a worker at McDonald’s

McDonald’s.

Justin Sullivan/Getty Images

I think fast food chains should close down completely until this situation blows over. Fast food chains, such as McDonalds, have the money to pay staff for time off and close restaurants for a couple weeks or months.

We’re talking about multi billion dollar corporations. With that said, I understand grocery stores can not close but maybe have a rotating schedule until things claim down. Such as four days open three closed, then three open four closed. This would limit staff even more than they are now. 

I like many others are still going to work and putting my health at risk. It’s scary right now and we have try not to think about it because we need our jobs. I’m prepared to leave my job though if things get too serious and I feel like the company isn’t taking appropriate action to keep us safe. The health and safety of myself and family come first.

At the end of the day it’s just a job; it will still be there tomorrow and the day after that. There is no guarantee that I or my family will be. 

A worker at Jack in the Box

Jack in the Box.

Jack in the Box

I’m terrified of going to work everyday because I see on the news that we’re told that we need to stay inside and quarantine ourselves in our homes for two weeks, maybe more. And then I see so many people ignoring the quarantine and ordering fast food, as if there wasn’t a coronavirus pandemic going on.

I’ve seen bars, restaurants, casinos, the whole strip mall that’s across the street from my work all shut down, including GameStop — which took employees, and the police to finally get it to close temporarily for two weeks. But my work? Nope.

Because other places closed for fear of coronavirus, fast-food restaurants get MORE people in the drive-thru. That’s not practicing social distancing. That’s completely opposite.

If we really want to beat this pandemic we need to actually do what we’ve been saying we’re going to do and ACTUALLY quarantine ourselves. We can’t keep shopping, eating out at fast food, going to the beach like nothing is wrong and there’s no coronavirus. I honestly believe if we close fast-food restaurants too then more people will quarantine themselves.

Then we can beat the coronavirus pandemic.

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Do you have a personal experience with the coronavirus you’d like to share? Or a tip on how your town or community is handling the pandemic? Please email covidtips@businessinsider.com and tell us your story.

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[i-can-go-the-disstance-pt2]

Thoughts

Life feels okay. Considering where I was just about 2 yrs ago, honestly cant complain. I've lost most of my friends. My only real friends are the og ones who I barely get to see. My edm friends have been awesome but it's not the same. I miss having ppl around me who are connected to me at a deeper level. Moving here I knew i would be sacrificing alot. But 2 yrs later I'm beginning to wonder if it was really all worth it.

Let's start with my social life. Its nonexistent. I work. Go home. Sleep. That's my routine. I dont have any friends here, it was a personal choice. My social life revolves around music events. Short lived spurts of happiness. I love the friendships I've been able to make thru this. But its so difficult to maintain a real deep friendship with those ppl. I've been successful with a few but it's not enough. Itll never be enough.

My cousin Miriam is literally like my closest friend right now. Shes my go to 24/7. We talk every day. It could literally be about nothing but the fact that I have at least ONE person to talk to about nothing is much appreciated. Then theres pam and athena. I think I'd include my 3 Dallas friends here too tho cant see I feel as close to them yet. They keep me sane and are literally the key to my current prosperity. This is where it gets tricky tho. Deep inside it saddens me not being able to be there physically with them. I wish I could share ALL the good moment with them. But it pains me not being able to be there with them thru the bad times. I believe those are the moments when I'm at my lowest, I really cant pick up myself from those moments. It's when all these thoughts start storming in my head. Quitting, moving, being there for them. Ugh being here sucks. Then when shit gets bad that's when I hit up my OG friends. I try to not bother them much cuz God only knows how much of a burden I've been to them these past 5 yrs. Ill never have enough words to thank Lizette and Jessica for the stuff they had to deal with when I was doing really bad. But yea I rarely talk to them but I know they'll always be there for me.

Work is great. I'm only making half of what I used to but I'm comfortable. The future looks pretty bright. But despite this I keep thinking of what lies ahead. I dont wanna be here the rest of my life. I cant even see myself being here for more than 3 yrs. This is where life gets scary. I want to leave, but I have nothing to seek for. Where am I gonna go? What am I gonna do? The harsh truth is that if I leave I'll probably land in another dead end retail or warehouse house barely making ends meet. Tbh I don't mind that as long as I'm truly happy surrounded by friends who care about me.

So what's stopping me? First off my brother. He's living with me. I'm his support financially and emotionally. Hes been dealing with depression and I've had to help him cope with it tho I think I do a pretty shitty job with that. I can't leave without him. The other thing, perhaps the most one, is the fear of failing. I'm not so young anymore. I'm supposed to be "building my future" . Whatever thats suppose to mean.

Let's talk about my SO. Well lili was a bust. Will I ever find someone? Tf do i know. At this point I'm shooting for jasmine bcuz well obviosuly shes the only person who's truly reciprocated my feelings with no strings attached in the past 3 yrs. Man I was fucking stupid pushing her away. But I dont have much of a chance seeing as shes moved on. This is the part of my life that feels the loneliest. Fuck

I just realized I hadn't written this much since, well since HER and my old blog. I miss her. I'll always do. She coulda seen this entire rant by just looking thru my eyes. That shit was crazy. I miss that connection. C'est la vie.

I think I'm done. This felt good tbh. I may need to start doing this more often