#finals go away they need to reunite smh

[mellowwhumps]

today i find out there's a tag limit

pls sleep earlier squints at you

guys. guys this fic is a DOOZY. over 4k words total.

no one asked for it, no one requested it, but it literally came to me in a dream and i had to write it. this is really a rough draft and i haven't checked it over too much.... @whump-kia i hope the ending of this will suffice for your forehead kiss prompt (′ꈍᴗꈍ‵)

i hope you all enjoy it because i had such a good time brainstorming it, even if my writng was a bit stale at points...... BUT WHATEVER

(not necessary to read but here is character info as well as backstory that kinda shows up in the fic)

whumpee: Archie

caretaker: Simon

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

It was Simon’s finals week.

Archie knew this. He’d known for a while; Simon kept bringing it up in passing, quietly grumbling about his upcoming “week from hell”. All he talked about was how much he had to do.

But Archie knew what he was getting at. He knew what he really wanted to say.

I’m going to be busy. Don’t bother me. Leave me alone.

Well, Simon wouldn’t say it like that. Still, Archie got the message and he intended to respect his friend’s wishes.

He couldn’t blame him either. Having to spend all your free time suturing and cleaning up blood and setting broken bones had to get exhausting, even for someone as patient as Simon. Simon deserved at least the week-long break, if not more, of being free from dealing with Archie’s messes. 

All things considered, he had actually been doing pretty well without Simon’s intervention. The only real injuries he’d gotten during patrol were some nasty bruises that he viciously iced whenever he managed to drag himself back to his own apartment.

Now, he was on his 5th consecutive day of patrol, and his 5th consecutive day of leaving Simon alone.

...And he missed him.

But he made a promise, both to Simon and to himself, that he wasn’t going to burden him. He was going to follow through.

He crouched from his place on the rooftops, scanning the streets below him. It had been a pretty quiet night, which meant it had been a boring night. He was idly tossing a piece of brick up and down when he finally heard some commotion coming from below him.

There was a shout, a crash, and a figure booking it from the little store on the block, arms filled with goods.

Nice try.

Archie easily scaled down the wall and landed on the pavement, catching up to the thief almost immediately. A well-placed kick to the back of the knees caused the guy to go sprawling forward, and all the things he stole to scatter in front of him.

He let out a small grunt and slowly, painstakingly picked himself back up.

Upon looking closer, Archie could now see that the thief was.. a kid. he couldn't have been more than 14.

The kid scrambled away from Archie as fast as he could, turning to face him with a small pocket knife in his hand. The thing was rusty and chipped and trembled as he held it.

“S-Stay back..” The kid rasped. “You’re that vigilante f-from the papers, aren’t you..”

Now that Archie was really looking, he could see what he had been trying to steal in the first place. Littered on the sidewalk was some children’s ibuprofen, tissue packets, water bottles and a small can of chicken soup.

Archie met the kid’s eyes and saw that they were glazed over and unfocused. There was a flush on his cheekbones, one that Archie was all to familiar with. He frowned.

“Yeah, I am. What’s all this? You’re a little young to be stealing from convenience stores,” He said softly. "What's going on."

“You.. you don't get it.. you’re just going to send me to the police station..” The boy mumbled, scooting back slightly as if he was going to bolt at any second.

Archie fought the urge to laugh. Of course he would get it. It felt like looking into a mirror, a reflection of his own childhood.

He sighed.

“I won’t. Not until I hear you out, at least.”

The kid narrowed his eyes, really considering it before speaking

“..It’s my sister. She’s really sick. Haven’t seen my mom in days and.. we don’t have money for the medicine.”

Archie bit his lip. This wasn’t the first time he’d heard a story like that. He lived it for a good amount of time, after all. If anyone understood the kid, it was him. He gave him another once over.

“And what about you? You don’t look too good either, bud.”

“I’m fine,” He said quickly. “I just wanted to get stuff for my sister. She’s six. She needs it more than I do.”

Archie ran a hand through his hair in thought. There was no way in hell he was turning this kid in, even if he technically did do something wrong.

An idea suddenly dawned on him.

“Okay. How about this? If you promise to stay here, I’ll go in and pay for all of this to get you off the hook. Then, I’ll go with you to get your sister and I’ll take you both to a clinic.”

The boy thought for a moment, almost considering it, but then his face fell. “No. We can’t afford medicine, what makes you think we can afford a doctor?”

Archie smiled. “No. It’s a free clinic. My friend has been helping organize it. They’ll look after you and your sister, no questions asked and no payment needed.”

Archie watched the kid mull it over. He figured he might be hesitant. The kid had no reason to trust this vigilante except for what he heard on the street.

On the other hand, he looked tired. Archie hoped he let someone take the burden of his stress, just for a little bit.

The boy almost looked like he wanted to argue again, but he was suddenly overtaken by a coughing fit. Archie furrowed his brows and gently patted his back.

“Fine,” The kid wheezed. “I’ll.. we’ll go to your clinic.”

Archie smiled and nodded.

Smoothing things over with the store clerk was easy enough, since Archie was a regular. All it took was some small talk and a decent tip to make the owner forget about his little delinquent situation.

When Archie came back out to the street, the boy was dozing, knees pulled to his chest with his knife clutched in his hand. He could see the flush of his cheeks peeking over his arm. Archie felt his heart clench. 

It reminded him far too much of his own battles with illness while living on the streets. He’d never forget the feeling of falling asleep on the sidewalk, not even able to rest fully lest your guard comes down. It disheartened him to see it still happening.

He slowly approached the kid, trying to give him enough time to notice, but it didn’t stop the kid from startling awake and launching his knife toward Archie.

Archie caught his wrist easily, and gently pulled it down.

“Sorry..” The boy mumbled, scrubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“It’s okay. Let’s go get your sister, yeah?”

Archie offered to carry the kid. He could see he was flagging. He was clearly more sick than he was letting on, and Archie didn’t want to see him get worse. Still, he refused vehemently, and led Archie to his dingy apartment.

On the way to the clinic, Archie ended up carrying both the sister, and the boy.

Once they were situated with one of the volunteer nurses, Archie thanked her profusely and began making his way home. The night seemed to be staying pretty quiet, and he figured he could afford an extra hour of sleep.

As soon as he crossed the threshold of his apartment, the exhaustion hit him like a ton of bricks. He barely pulled off his shoes and half-unzipped his jumpsuit before he was falling bonelessly on his sofa and letting the world fall away.

••••

When Archie first woke up, it had just been a tickle in his throat.

He chalked it up to dehydration. He woke up as if emerging from a coma. Dried drool stained his chin, he was sporting a severe bedhead and every muscle in his body ached. He groggily wondered if Simon was getting enough sleep. He hoped so.

He peeled himself off of the couch, groaning at the feeling of his joints creaking as he got up.

As the grogginess cleared away, he went over the things he had to do today in his mind. He had two classes, his first one starting in only half an hour. Alright. Plenty of time.

He briskly showered, brushed his teeth, got dressed, and packed his bag for school. The tickle in his throat had transformed into more of an ache, but he didn’t think much of it. It was probably just the dry air.

He grabbed his keys and left.

His first class went by in a blur. He couldn’t explain it, but it felt like time was moving as if through molasses. He’d swear an hour had passed, and look up to see it's been barely fifteen minutes. It was torture.

To make things worse, the ache from before had progressed into the need to keep clearing his throat, which, in a silent lecture hall, was the last thing he wanted.

He had given up on taking notes, opting to focus on making the least amount of noise possible. He kept his water bottle close by.

He felt distracted. He kept thinking about that boy from the previous night. He really didn't look good. He hopes the volunteer nurses were able to take good care of him.

When the class was finally over, Archie all but sprinted out of the room only to double over with a coughing fit that shook his entire body.

Huh. That's weird. Wasn't coughing like this earlier.

He stayed hunched over in the hallway for a few minutes more to catch his breath before straightening and heading to the library to work on some of his assignments until his next class.

As soon as he was sitting down in the squashy chair by the window, though, he conked out before he could even open his laptop.

 ••••

He awoke with a jolt, feeling his heart sink when he realized the sun was no longer streaming through the large window. Instead, he could see his reflection in the dark from outside.

He slept through his class.

“No.. no no no no..” He whined, looking around frantically. No one was around. People must be getting ready to head home. He whipped out his phone.

He’d fallen asleep at 3pm.

It was 8:30.

He ran a hand over his face, silently panicking. He didn't know what to do. This had never happened to him before, he'd never slept that long in public before.  

In the end, he had to accept it. There was nothing really to do. He packed his things and shamefully began making his way back home.

His throat had gotten worse, now coupled with an odd chill throughout his body and a heavy feeling in his chest. He felt somehow even more tired than before, despite his accidental five hour nap.

He was dragging his feet as he walked along the sidewalk. His head pulsed a bit. Once again, when he entered his cold, empty apartment, he felt the overwhelming pull of exhaustion threaten to drag him under.

He ignored it. His day wasn’t done yet.

He zipped on his Vigil jumpsuit and splashed some cold water on his face, trying to eke some kind of life back into his complexion. God, he was so tired. He chalked it up to still feeling groggy from his nap, and put on his brave face before heading out into the night.

His first stop was to deliver groceries to the little old lady that lived just a few floors down from him. He’d never typically interact with someone so openly as both Archie and Vigil, but she had bad vision and dementia, so he figured she was safe. She needed the help too, and he was more than happy to provide.

When he unloaded the groceries and helping her put them away, she ended up kissing his cheek and calling him the name of her son. He didn’t have it in him to tell her the truth, instead just smiling and telling her he'd be back next week.

On his way out, his breath hitched and he erupted into another coughing fit. He had to hold on to the railing as the force of the coughs nearly brought him to his knees.

He gasped for air as soon as it was over, head spinning. He soldiered on.

Next, he had to help unload some boxes for the old man named Chuy who owned the Mexican restaurant a few blocks away. Chuy would never ask for help, but he had thrown his back out twice in the same month, so Archie couldn't just leave him to deal with it on his own.

He had to be subtle about it.

He chatted with Chuy while he ordered some tacos de asada to go, and while he was distracted, he was already lifting the boxes into the storage room for him. He was silently grateful for Simon’s mini Spanish lessons, as he was able to hold the conversation for a bit longer this time.

When he was done, Chuy clapped him on the back, thanking him as he sent him on his way with a few extra tacos on the house.

For some reason, Archie couldn’t seem to stomach the thought of eating anything. He ended up passing them off to a random bystander, and heading to his next and last scheduled destination. He needed to check on that kid.

Again, it had been another quiet night. Archie was silently grateful. Usually, between his little excursions as Vigil, he would have to stop to break up a fight or reprimand a mugger, but the streets seemed as sleepy tonight as he was.

And boy was he tired. He was starting to wish he slept longer in the library, because his nap had seemed to do nothing for him. Not to mention that the heaviness in his chest had only gotten worse and his bouts of coughing more frequent.

He also felt even more chilled than before. His skin was overly sensitive, and even the fabric of his jumpsuit was beginning to irritate it. He sighed.

Simon would know what to do.

His chest ached in a way that had nothing to do with the coughing.

He snapped himself back to the present when he realized he’d finally reached the clinic. Alright. Final errand, then you can go home and crash. You don’t need Simon to help you. You can handle this.

He puffed out his chest a bit and approached the woman standing at the front counter.

“Oh! It’s you! You're the one who brought in those siblings last night, yes?” She chirped, taking him by the elbow and leading him inside.

“Mhm! That was me!” He beamed. " I just came to check up on them and see how they were doing, especially that boy."

The woman paused. She pursed her lips.

“..His sister is fine. She just had a bit of a fever, but nothing a little ibuprofen couldn't fix. As for the boy.. well, you’d better follow me.”

Archie felt his heart drop to his stomach. Had he done something wrong? Had he been too late?

The woman led him to one of the curtained-off rooms of the clinic and quietly pulled it open.

Archie let out a tiny gasp.

The boy was lying in the cot, completely limp. He was pale and sweaty and his eyebrows were pinched together in fitful consciousness.

The most alarming part, however, was the ventilator he was strapped to.

“It started as your typical flu,” The woman began. “Much like his sister’s. We're assuming that because he didn't get enough rest when he needed it, it quickly turned into pneumonia. He’s been in and out of sleep for a few hours now.”

Archie walked forward in a daze, sinking into the chair beside the boy. He took his hand. 

“Is he..um..” The words went unsaid.

“He’s going to be alright. We managed to catch it before he became even more serious, thanks to your intervention. He and his sister are tough. They’ll pull through.”

Archie released a breath, stifling a cough into his shoulder.

“That’s.. okay, that’s good,” He whispered, giving the boys hand a gentle squeeze. “I’ll be back to check on them soon.”

“I’ll be sure to tell them you stopped by. You have a good night, okay?"

Archie smiled and nodded.

The rest of the evening went by in a blur of small talk and random tasks. For some reason, Archie couldn’t seem to focus. He found himself zoning out during conversations and, of course, apologizing profusely. When he finally decided to throw in the towel and head home, it was close to midnight.

God, he couldn’t wait to be home.

He passed by Simon’s apartment on his way back. Any thoughts of meeting him were quickly abandoned when he saw that the light was out in his window. He must be getting some sleep. Archie smiled at the thought of Simon resting after a long day of studying.

He really couldn’t wait to see him again.

He finally made it to his building and staggered up the stairs. At the top, he felt another tickle in his lungs that had him holding on to the railing as his body jolted with every harsh cough. It felt like his lungs had weights in them. He clawed at his chest.

He pushed open the door to his apartment, hardly even bothering to lock it behind him before he was hunched with another round of coughing. The ache in his throat had quickly become searing pain, and the chills he felt earlier had become full-blown bodily shivers. His knees buckled. He was still coughing.

He thought about Simon again. He knew he should call him, but he just didn’t have it in him. He couldn’t be a burden, he just couldn’t.

The coughing finally let up. Archie panted for air. 

He managed to crawl to the couch, every inch of his body just craving sleep. He hauled himself up and collapsed listlessly.

He didn’t even have the energy to unzip his jumpsuit or remove his shoes before he was already falling into a restless sleep.

 ••••

Archie was back in the alley.

Everything was the same, but he looked down at himself and realized that he wasn’t. He was bigger now. Older. The dealers didn’t seem to notice him.

He took an experimental step forward. 

Suddenly, they turned their gaze to his left, grinning. He blinked and he was in Simon’s apartment. He didn't remember this.

Archie followed the men’s gazes and-- oh.

Oh no.

Simon stood there, back turned and somehow unaware of what was happening. The men began to approach him with the needle. The same needle that hurt Archie all those years ago. The same needle that made him the monster he is today. He felt the panic bubble up in his chest, coming out in violent, painful gasps.

“Simon! Simon, run away! Please Simon, run!” He said, but his words died on his lips. He was paralyzed. There was nothing he could do. 

••••

Archie awoke with a start, the force of his coughing launching him up to sitting. He gasped for air, scrambling to his feet. He was already out the door before he was even breathing properly.

He needed to get to Simon. He couldn’t let those men hurt him, not like they did him. He needed save him.

He was staggering down the street. All he could hear was the pounding of his own head and the stomping of his feet on the pavement. His body was moving in autopilot. 

He had to stop and lean against a wall to cough again. He was left panting. Part of him just wanted to give up and collapse then and there. He was so tired. Everything felt wrong and he was having trouble even walking in a straight line.

But he couldn’t give up on Simon.

He pushed forward.

When he finally began the arduous climb up the steps of Simon’s building, black dots appeared in his vision. He was wheezing.

He lifted a hand to knock on Simon’s door, but found that it was too weak to produce a sound. He let it fall back down to his side as his knees gave out.

He coughed, but it turned into another gasp. He couldn’t breathe.

Tears welled in his eyes. He was too late. He couldn’t save him. He couldn’t save him, just like he couldn’t save himself.

He clawed at the door as he clung to his last strand of consciousness.

••••

Simon was startled awake by the sound of someone clambering up the stairs to his floor, and immediately went on the defensive. He sprung out of bed, snatching up the bat he kept near his bed and stomping right up to his door, yanking it open and-- oh.

Oh. Oh god.

“Shit, Archie!” He shouted, letting the bat clatter to the floor.

Archie--no, Vigil, based on the jumpsuit-- wasn’t breathing right. He was wheezing, almost gurgling, on his own air. Suddenly, he pitched forward with violent coughs, as if all the breath was being forced out of his lungs.

Simon caught him by the shoulders and patted his back firmly, trying to gather his thoughts and figure out what the hell to do. Archie clung to him like a small child, and Simon nearly pulled back at the unnatural heat he felt.

God Archie, what did you do?

Archie had a strict no hospital rule. They established this early on in their relationship. As much as Simon wanted to respect it, this was serious. This was perhaps even beyond his abilities to fix. Archie’s lips were turning blue, and he Simon knew that wasn't promising.

In a quick spur-of-the-moment rationalization, Simon figured that maybe Vigil couldn’t go to the ER, but Archie definitely needed to. 

“Alright Archie, cmon.. stay with me..” He murmured, pulling him inside and shutting the doors. 

As deftly as he could, he pulled off the Vigil jumpsuit and stuffed Archie into some of his own clothes. Archie's body was alarmingly pliable. He cursed the time they were wasting, but he needed to get Archie into civilian clothing before they headed to the ER.

Archie was not all the way there, but in a moment of fleeting awareness, he looked around the room and let out a little gasp.

“Th.. needle..?” He murmured, looking as if seeing something that wasn’t there.

Simon kneeled in front of him, cupping his cheek. God, he was burning. “There’s nothing here. It’s just me. Simon. It’s just me, Archie.”

Archie suddenly blanched, doing a double take around the room. There were textbooks and papers scattered about, as well as copious amounts of energy drinks. Tears began to well in Archie’s eyes.

“Finals..Si.. S’mon.. so sorry.. m’bothering you..” Archie slurred, wheezing between every syllable.

Simon stared at him blankly before huffing a pained laugh. Only Archie would be on death's door and still worry about cutting into Simon's cram time.

“You’re not serious.. oh Archie.. fuck..” He breathed, yanking Archie up into a fireman’s carry.

They would have to discuss this later. They were wasting precious seconds they might not have.

Once settled into the car, Archie burst into more vicious, wet coughs. This fit was the worst by far. He couldn’t stop choking long enough to get a single breath in. His eyes were glazing over. Simon had to pat his cheek to bring him back to consciousness once he was able to inhale again.

As soon as he was stable enough, Simon put the fucking pedal to the metal.

He ended up making the twenty-five minute drive to the hospital in fifteen.

Archie was seen immediately, which both comforted and concerned Simon.

He buried his face into his hands.

Was this his fault? Should he have checked in with Archie more often while on his hiatus? More than anybody, Simon was aware of Archie’s poor self-care habits. He should have known Archie would avoid coming to him with a problem for fear of disturbing him.

He didn’t know how many times he had to tell Archie he didn't mind until it stuck in his mind.

Simon sighed and prayed to anybody that was listening that his friend was going to be okay.

After an impossibly long hour and a half, Simon was finally called back to Archie’s room.

When he entered, he felt his breath catch in his chest. 

Simon wasn’t a crier. He wasn’t naturally prone to tears like Archie was, yet when he saw the sight of his friend hooked up to a myriad of tubes like the patients he treated every day, his vision blurred.

“Oh Archie..” He murmured, rushing to the side of the bed. His hand hovered for a moment before gently landing on the side of Archie’s face. He had an oxygen mask strapped to him and he was sleeping, but it didn’t look restful.

The doctor rattled off the details of Archie’s condition. Ironically, this was the material Simon was supposed to be studying for anyways. 

Archie had contracted severe, sudden onset pneumonia. The doctor suspected he’d contracted it from someone, but they’d have to wait until Archie woke up to confirm.

They currently had him on a defibrillator and antibiotics, as well as fluids and fever reducers. Though his condition was dire when he came in, he was being treated properly and would be fine.

Simon sank into the chair beside the bed, finally exhaling with relief.

Archie was going to be fine.

He scooted up closer and slipped his hand into Archie’s, running his thumb along the back of it.

“You’re an idiot. You know that?” He whispered, finally content to just be by his side.

••••

When Archie woke up, he felt like someone was sitting on his chest.

Seriously.

It felt like he was being crushed.

He blinked his eyes open, squinting at the bright lights.

He recognized immediately that this was not home.

His breath hitched as he tried to sit up, but it caught in his throat and he began coughing. It was then that he noticed the mask around his face and the needles in his arm-- oh god.

He whimpered sharply, already reaching to rip out the IVs in his arms. His wrist was caught by a familiar hand.

“Hey. Hey Archie. Look at me. Can you do that?”

Archie swallowed and reluctantly brought his gaze to meet the person beside him. Simon.

“You’re okay. You’re in the hospital. You have pneumonia, you showed up at my doorstep and collapsed. You’re here as Archie, okay? Not Vigil. You’re safe,” He explained softly, pulling Archie’s hand away from the IVs. “These are just for your antibiotics and fluids, okay? Nothing bad.. it's okay.”

Archie still felt panic blooming in his chest at the sight of the needles, but they were different enough from the syringe he was actually scared of that he was able to take Simon’s words to heart and settle.

He was too tired to be worked up anyways. He felt the exhaustion deep in his bones, and it ached. He whined softly, breath rattling in his chest.

Simon reached a hand up and carded it through Archie’s hair, smiling down gently at him. He used his other hand to rub gentle circles with his thumb along the back of his hand.

“I’m.. really glad you’re okay..” He whispered, leaning down and pressing a kiss to Archie’s warm brow.

Archie had many things to say, but they were all forgotten as soon as Simon’s lips met his skin. He melted. He felt a dopey smile creep up on his face and he fluttered his eyes shut.

Whatever he needed to say could wait until the morning.

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

[stormyoceans]

we love to talk about deranged vv moments but let's redirect our attention to one of the most sensually tender vv moments for a minute .and i mean talay stroking puen's cheek after he woke up at the very beginning of ep 12. will you believe me if I'll say this very small moment integrated itself into my brain and changed it forever? he waited to meet puen for so long, he crossed the ocean again to do it, he fought to get his life back (because without his job as colorist he won't be truly himself) and for puen. they confessed once again, kissed, probably made love. and the first thought in his pretty head after he woke up after all this for the first time was 'mm, is this real...my puen' like the sheer amount of softness in this gesture! his eyes were sleepy but he already felt the need to touch puen and confirm that all that truly happened and puen truly by his side again. my god i truly hate writers for making puen prank him here but at the same time... that's so puen

NOT ONLY I CAN BELIEVE THAT TALAY STROKING PUEN'S CHEEK AT THE BEGINNING OF EP 12 IRREVERSIBLY ALTERED YOUR BRAIN CHEMISTRY FOREVER, ANON, BUT IM SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU GOING INSANE ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!

i feel like it's easier to talk about puen's love for talay rather than the opposite because puen is just so loud and unashamed about it, while talay is more reserved and self-conscious in everyday life (at least for now), but the truth is that, just like the sea, talay's love for puen is so vast and deep that it's almost terrifying to directly look at. most of the time i can't even think about it for too long or i get so overwhelmed that i have to sit down and stare into the void for at least half an hour to recover. the sheer immensity of his feelings for puen is just so hard to grasp like this boy fought tooth and nail to get back to the man he loves!!!!! he defied universes!!!!! he waited day after day after day for an entire month and when he couldn't bear the though of being apart from puen any longer he was willing to throw himself into the ocean!!!!! that same ocean where he died once before!!!!! he glued back the pieces of his life that tess had ripped apart and when he finally - FINALLY - reunited with puen, he was still ready to throw his own happiness away if it meant puen didn't have to give up his job

this literally reads like an epic tale where the hero embarks on a journey full of trials to get back his long-lost love, and yet, even more than all of this, what gets me the most is the heartachingly tenderness with which talay touches puen, just like you said. talay can be rough and push him away sometimes, which usually happens when puen is too forward because it still embarrasses him, but he can be incredibly gentle too. the way he strokes puen's cheek when he wakes up is so delicate and tentative, so careful and soft. talay really touches puen like he's holding the most precious thing in the whole world in his hands and still can't believe it's real and his to keep

AND THEN PUEN HAD TO RUIN THE MOMENT JUST BECAUSE HE WOKE UP IN A SILLY GOOSE MOOD. the man will literally spend two years of his life writing movies that represent his relationship with talay and including scenes that reveal his deepest desires and yet when one of them actually becomes reality he decides to joke around....... smh but you're right, THAT'S the real puen: not a suave actor but a little gremlin and talay loves him for it

[antiadvil]

what's childhood trauma au?

WIPs

So I think I’ve talked about the background of the idea here but not much about what the fic actually is. I’m trying to be mysterious because all I have is an outline and like 400 words and I don’t want to disappoint people by never finishing/publishing it. But I'll talk a bit about the premise and maybe share something from the outline.

the backstory is that my best friend did not remember having any friends growing up until her parents revealed that one of their neighbor kids came over a lot, and her parents found it annoying so they starting telling the other parents that my friend was grounded and couldn't play. Because it was more convenient for them if she was playing quietly alone in her room, I guess. Which, I don’t think I need to say, is incredibly fucked up. After her parents told this story, she remembered some bits and pieces of this, but before her parents brought it up again the entire memory was sort of repressed.

And here is where I’m going to clarify that I’m writing all this with my friend’s full permission bc it sounds kinda fucked up to jump from that to “anyway so now I’m writing a fic about that” 😭 we both have similar attitudes towards most of our trauma which is: humor and fic are really good coping mechanisms actually. So I thought she might enjoy a fic based on this premise (I was already planning to write something incredibly specifically tailored to her tastes for her birthday and it’s hard to get more tailored than this) but because it is a pretty intensive project to just drop on someone I asked if she thought it would be a good idea and she said “yeah you have to write that the author’s note would be so funny.” So here I am though admittedly I think this is too big of a project to actually complete by September and I may need a different idea for this year’s birthday, unless I start posting before I finish which I’m meh on since the outline could still change (but I’ll see how things go once I finish my hospital fic and start focusing more on this).

So, yeah, it’s a fic where Dan and Phil are childhood friends, Dan’s parents drive Phil away, Dan represses the memory, so he doesn’t actually remember Phil as anyone other than that neighbor kid, while Phil remembers being friends and then Dan just suddenly not being there, and Phil assumes it was Dan voluntarily pulling away. The story follows them reuniting in high school.

As you can probably imagine, this wasn’t a one off thing. Dan’s parents just suck. There are a lot of weird fucked up things my parents did to me as a child that I didn’t realize were weird and fucked up until I talked to other people about it. There were many other things I did know were weird and fucked up. Living in that household caused me severe mental health issues, and I still have minor siblings who live with my parents. So, yeah, mainly this fic is about that. I literally made a list of fucked up stories from my childhood and gave them to fictional Dan. Not all of the things that happened in this fic actually happened to me (and a lot of the ones that did are exaggerated in some way) but many did.

I don't have much writing done yet (400 words is an overstatement actually) but I do have it fully outlined, here are some fun notes from my outline document (mostly actually funny even though the piece is actually very angsty because out of context none of the angst makes sense/is angsty/i wrote it in a way that sounds funny even though it is not):

phil has a friend group. they will need names.

lots of chances for gay trauma in gym class. as a treat for my hyperfixation brain i’m going to let them take a weightlifting class. phil seems like the kind of student to leave his PE credit for his senior year and need it to graduate

and finally this incredible dialogue exchange in my notes:

phil: so like do you wanna do that again

dan: RIGHT NOW?

phil: no wtf i’m trying to have a conversation about our relationship smh

(The conversation is extremely minimal)

[hanjo-love]

Now I became selfish and I hope the shard is showing Hanji being saved by Kiyomi or something. She go the worst treatment and if Isayama was afraid of the backslash like you said why make it even worse with those parallels with eremika? Is he preparing the Fandom for another levihan moment? I'm tired of EVERYONE surviving but her, Kiyomi's kindness really??? And Onyankopon, while I don't hate him, he survived a plane crash and he doesn't add much yet he is there for being the editor's favorite, Yelena is there after all she did and she adds even less, and the people titanized will revert to human (or at the very least Isayama's favorites will).

Oh anonie, you and me both my friend, you and me both 😔 Beware, a long rant-ish meta is ahead of you lol

I have absolutely no fucking idea why Yams decided to treat Hanjo like shit. You know, after a long time of denying her death, I was starting to accept it, because she was finally free, free of the burden and pain and finally reunited with the people she missed and longed for the most. But then Yams decided to slap us all in the faces saying there's no happy & peaceful afterlife in snk and Hanjo was probs only hallucinating because of her 4 years long depression? Well then, fuck you Yams! What was that even for? Isayama never backed off of showing us the horrors of death in snk, no matter how important the characters and how brutal their deaths really were. Still, he never showed us Hanji's actual death or dead body. He kept it misterious and his vague answers only made it worse. So it's only natural for us to expect a plot twist, right? That's the reason all of us gathered various hints in the manga, anime and his interviews. And lemme tell you, these theories are far more logical, better explained and have less plot holes than the entire final arc smh (yes I'm salty, fight me lol)

I hate to admit it, my inner self is still in denial and fighting, but Hanjo ain't coming back folks. We won't get any background story and the misterious shard will never be explained to us either. Yams had more than enough time to bring Hanjo back, if he truly wanted to. But he didn't. And now with only one chapter and so many unanswered questions left, there's no time for Hange's return. Why would he even do that anyways? Hanjo isn't important to him or to the story anymore. To us she is, always was and always will be ❤️ You know, I'm so fucking desperate to see her again, I'll even take one last panel of Levi remembering her, just like in ch136. Yams just let us see Hanjo one more fucking time 🙏🏻 I need to say my proper goodbyes to my one&only comfort character, who's influenced my life like no one else ever did ❤️

Back to Levihan (I don't think I can answer an ask without my biased and trashy shipper ass butting in lmfao): the question why Yams confirmed Levihan as canon if he didn't intend to bring Hange back and reunite her with Levi to make us him happy again? Well, isn't it obvious? This man is the devil incarnate. THIS MAN HAS NO FUCKING CHILLS lmfao JK y'all before someone declares war on me and my blog haha Well anonie, I feel like Yams really wanted to confirm his initially planned ships as canon, before the manga ends. And he chose the safest way possible. Easy as that. Also he said he is going for a bittersweet ending and what's more tragic (in this literal hell) than separating lovers, ergo Eremika and Levihan.

Now to something else, that's been bothering me for a while now and I'll use your ask anonie to share my thoughts with the world even though nobody asked lmao tbh I'm a bit disappointed with Armin. I love him, I really do. He's my precious cinnamon roll and my fave 104th kiddo. But honestly, I was expecting a bit more of the alleged "hero who will safe humanity". In fact, I'm sure Hanjo only died for Armin to become the new commander. That's it. That was the reason she had to die. Yams glossed over her to make Armin shine. But in fact, Levi's the one who's giving orders ever since Hange has left them. I might me salty, but I really hope the talk with Zeke (and probs Ymir as well, we still might have a chance to see the dialog that made Ymir change her mind) and his titan nuke weren't the only things he did as "humanity's hero" in this final arc. For some people this might me enough, for me it isn't. It wasn't worth Hange's sacrifice. Also what made me really sad was Armin himself glossing over Hanjo when he remembered Erwin Danchou, but not her. Like she didn't just pass away an hour ago to save their pathetic asses. Ugh this is making me hella mad, ngl. Hanjo didn't deserve this treatment! She gave her all for this! To save the alliance, to "pay the price" for her "sins" as the SC commander and to save humanity. I can't deal with how all of them and the fandom apparently forgot about that.

Now on to "Kiyomi's kindness" lol I wasn't really mad at Gabi for saying this as most of the fandom was. I won't go into detail why she isn't really a rationally thinking character (yo guys, you do remember she's a 12 year old kid, right?), but it's a fact that she didn't care for Hange enough to mention her. I mean, why would she? She barely even knew her. Also we don't really know what's gonna happen with Yelena, Kiyomi and her delegation. I don't know if I'm reading too much into it, but I feel like Kiyomi accepted her death with saying "that's not enough atonement for what I did anyway". I mean they don't know if the alliance will win (they probably think they won't) and they're in the middle of literally nowhere. So I feel like Gabi said that because Kiyomi sacrificed herself (and the others on that ship) willingly, for Gabi, Falco and Annie getting a little chance of surviving and helping the alliance. But I get the rage of the fandom. Especially because no one, except for Levi, remembered Hange after her noble sacrifice.

As for Yelena and Onyankopon, there obviously has to be someone from outside of Paradis to survive the rumbling, otherwise it wouldn't make a lot of sense, I guess. I like Onyankopon a hecking lot ❤️ precious boi was literally crying for Hanjo 😭 Yelena on the other hand deserves what she got. Death would be too easy and kind for her tbh. She has to live with the consequences, just like Kiyomi, so I'm actually glad they survived. So my guess is, it's not really about who's Yams' favorite and what these people are contributing to the story, but it's rather about a logical ending and a good conclusion of the story.

I agree with you about the ones who have been titanized. They'll for sure revert back to humans. It's not really Yams' style to kill of an important character like Gabi, whose character development he's been forcing on us for quite a while now lol. I'm pretty positive about an ending with the titan curse being broken and bringing the titanized people back to human beings (probs also the millions of colossal titans?). It's only natural for Yams to end the story with the titan curse being lifted. Otherwise it wouldn't make sense to end his story at this point. But let's not forget what a big ass troll Yams is lmao you never really know what he's up to, so let's prepare for the unimaginable lmfao

I'll probably never forgive Isayama for what he did to Hange, his best written character, how he completely ruined her and threw her away as disposable, just to make other characters "shine". HER DEATH WAS POINTLESS AND IT DID NOT FUCKING CHANGE ANYTHING! That's the harsh truth y'all. Yams betrayed Hanjo and us AND FOR WHAT?

Thanks for the ask anonie and sorry I turned this into my personal rant lmao hope you still enjoy reading my thoughts on this ❤️

[spnwatch]

Season 2: The Rankings

Whew. Oh boy.

They were still puttering about in season 1 to an extent. But now? Now they’ve really hit their stride. This season was a veritable chocolate box of delights and I ate my way through it. The overall myth arc was kind of nonsensical, but that emotional throughline? Christ. Spn buries SO MUCH emotional complexity into its leads, and they cashed in every cent in that two part finale. It packs one hell of a punch. And yeah, okay, I knew the broad strokes, the twists and turns. It’s hard not to be spoilered for a season of tv that aired over a decade ago. But reader! It mattered not!! I. Still. Wept. That’s when you know it’s the good kush.  1.) 2x12: NIGHTSHIFTER. This one just snagged the top spot by merit of its sheer ambition. Supernatural often feels like a very empty universe to me, just two guys and one car drifting from place to place. Which is fine, it makes for compelling TV, but they totally flipped the script here and this episode really dazzles precisely because of that contrast. It’s a huge, cinematic episode, a metropolitan setting full of uncontrollable elements, and it’s great to see Sam and Dean so profoundly vulnerable. The outside world is pressing up against the windows. They have sniper dots trained on them! They are, literally and figuratively, out of their depth! We’re not in Kansas any more, baby. God, I haven’t even mentioned the supporting characters. The entire mandroid rant deserves an Emmy. Victor Henrickson’s entrance! Heist movie antics! Agh!  10/10  

2.) 2x07: THE USUAL SUSPECTS. Again this episode was a cut above precisely because it showed us what the brothers look like from the outside: sketchy as all hell. It’s so good when reality ensures, because it’s great to be reminded they lead objectively insane lives! Through Linda Blair’s eyes we get to see just how unknowable, feral and amoral they appear to the eyes of polite society. Put under a microscope like this, they’re scary guys! They’re just not socialised like normal people. They don’t really care about being arrested, or about the felonies. Getting arrested is an irritant above everything else. They’re still working the case from the inside. They’re professionals; excellent liars, and totally in sync with each other. The handwritten notes they pass, like delinquent school kids! A delight! The thrill lies in watching Blair slowly unwrap their strange logic, and unravel the mystery of both the brothers and the ghost. Ugh, what a great perspective shift. I’m 100% here for it. 10/10 

 3.) 2x09: CROATOAN. Ugh, this setting. Small Town Gothic, complete with eerie mist, hostile locals and creepy Stepford vibes. Sam really shone in this episode. He’s so soothing and giant, and it made his suffering at the end all the more devastaing. The real reason this episode ranks so highly is their conversation in the surgery. It just killed me. Dean’s sheer, bone-deep exhaustion, his admission that he’s tired of the life. Sam’s despair, because he knows Dean won’t leave. The performances were so steller. I can’t even really think too deeply about it because it makes me too crazy. 10/10  

 4.) 2x21: ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE: PART ONE. I loved this finale so much more than the finale in Season 1, LOL. It might just be because I’m more invested now, who knows. The opening of this episode is a piece of art: Boston playing on the car stereo, the rain, the small cafe, the lighting. Gorgeous. I love when they have to interact with ordinary people! It adds so much: texture, humour, personality! It draws things out of Sam and Dean that we just don’t see when they have each other to bounce off of. It was so good to see Ava and Andy again. “I just woke up in freakin’ Frontierland!” The gang’s all here, folks! This episode would rank higher, but recieves minus points for the long boring speech the demon gives Sam, and killing off the first gay in the show 0.2 seconds after her introduction. Anyway. The ending of course unzipped me; Dean cradling Sam’s dead body, muttering “It’s okay, it’s not even that bad.” The elation of their reunion, so devastaingly cut short! Sam, twenty two years old, bleeding out in the mud. The sheer, hopelessness of it all. The horror. My notes for the end of the episode simply read: “Dean oh Christ. Oh my God. Oh no.” It’s just one of those scenes that stay with you long after the credits start rolling. 9/10   

5.) 2x20: WHAT IS AND WHAT SHOULD NEVER BE. I never thought I could be so profoundly upset by watching a man happily mowing a lawn. Dean’s trauma over the loss of his mother has undercut the whole show up until this point, and here it bursts to the fore. What really got me was the simplicity of it all. Just a sit-down dinner, an engagement. A beer on the porch. Fuck, he deserves it. He deserves everything. All the performances were great, they really served to show there’s a whole life in these AU characters. The fact it wasn’t all perfect was bizarrely more devastating. AU Sam’s weird straight hair and dorky jacket sealed the deal for me, as did his baffled terror in the warehouse. But even here, with no training and no idea what’s happening, he gets into the Impala! Because that’s his brother! Because I’m a huge baby I had to remove points because of how upsetting I found Sam’s quiet hostility towards Dean, HA. But that’s really just a testament to how well-realised their dynamic has become by the second season. 9/10  

 6.) 2x15: TALL TALES. Every single thing Sam does in any of Dean’s memories. Also alien slowdance set to “Lady in Red.” Also Bobby breaking them up like they’re petulant children. Gold, all of it gold. 9/10 

 7.)  2x11: PLAYTHINGS. So I’m a slut for a cool setting, obviously. Turns out, Supernatural did The Haunting of Bly Manor fifteen years ago. The swimming pool! The attic! Creepy dolls! The weird little playground! This episode has it all! I loved the saga between the ghost sister and the old lady, which would honestly make a killer movie in its own right. But I’m digressing. The main star of this episode was, of course, Dean’s profound and escalating sexual insecurities. “Well, you are kinda butch. People probably think you’re overcompensating.” FATALITY. I would’ve placed this one higher but the weird incestuous undertones kinda squicked me out... however, I did think we were meant to be creeped out by it, which is more than I can say for some other uh. Instances. It was, after all, beautifully paralelled at the end with the two sisters reuniting in death. “I can’t leave here, and you can’t leave me.” SHUDDER. Also, honestly, can Sam have one (1) breakdown on his own without Dean’s own emotional baggage taking over? Older siblings, smh. 9/10

8.) 2x22: ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE: PART TWO. This one ranks lower than part one purely because I thought the yellow-eyed demon’s overall plot was kinda nonsensical, and I cared not for John’s weird deux ex machina moment. Like do you expect me to feel sorry for that bitch? I don’t! Anyway, that being said, let’s move on to Dean’s eyes in the junkyard when Bobby asks him, “do you have that low an opinion of yourself?” They’re so flat. So dead, like a shark’s. He doesn’t need to say anything back, because it’s all over his face. That non-expression says it all. This is the culmination of the emotional arc that began with his savage beatdown of the Impala in episode 2x02. To call it survivor’s guilt wouldn’t even begin to cover what Dean goes through this episode. It’s all in Ackles’ performance; in the the way he yells, “What am I supposed to do now, Sammy?” The complete claustrophobia of it all. There’s nothing for it but to make the deal. Dean’s been moving inexorably towards this moment for the entire season. 9/10   

 9.) 2x13: HOUSES OF THE HOLY. What a kooky little episode! Magic fingers! Sam’s costcutter seance purchases! The scooby-doo placemat he uses as a makeshift altar! I love him, your honour. Obviously this episode has a lot of *~dramatic irony~* in it because of the later seasons, but it stands alone as a total banger. I was so gutted for Sam when the "angel” was revealed. So many good little Sam moments to be found in this episode. His soft, quiet little revelation that he prays every day. His awkward, earnest explanation to the horrified priest! Dean gets some great moments chasing down the would-be rapist down those dark, snow-covered streets. His speech to Sam where he explains his lack of belief is brief, but it’s a total gut punch. Rounding it off with Knockin on Heaven’s Door was just the cherry on top. 9/10 

 10.) 2x14: BORN UNDER A BAD SIGN. Ahaha I love the way Dean acts whenever Sam’s psychic powers come up. He treats him like a rebellious teen, it’s so funny. “What’s going on with you, Sam? Smokin’, drinkin’?” As if Sam’s behaviour was a) at all under his control or b) anything Dean wouldn’t HIMSELF do. Dean’s just like, this isn’t how I raised you! Truly hysterical. The whole sequence between Meg!Sam and Jo was fantastic and horrible. Sam’s huge physique is never threatening, but it really was in that moment. The interplay between them was totally spine-tingling. Meg’s impression Sam slowly crumbling away over the course of the episode was so compelling and I’m sure it will be a really fun rewatch now I know the *twist*. 9/10  

Favourite lines this season: 

The way Sam says “black cat’s bone” in 2x08

“You’re not gonna go kill somebody because a ghost told you to, are you insane?!” - Dean, 2x13

“Dean, this is a very serious investigation, we don’t have time for your blah blah blah blah.” - Sam (according to Dean), 2x15

“I’m fine, except for every single thing that’s happening.” - Ava, 2x21 

[jungcity]

stuck with u - ariana grande ft jb with doyoung 🤧 smh ive been listening to it nonstop lol thanks in advance and i love your writing so much, keep it up! ♥️

STUCK WITH U

So go ahead and drive me insane

Baby, run your mouth

I still wouldn't change

All this lovin' you, hatin' you, wantin' you

I'm stuck with you, stuck with you, stuck with

You

Stuck with you, stuck with you, stuck with you

“You clearly like him, Y/N. It’s written all over your face.” Giggles echoed through your friends as they circled you right underneath the trees overlooking the football field.

You squinted your eyes to see a better view of the students playing down at the field. “Would you please get out of the way? I couldn’t see the game.”

“The game? Or Doyoung?” Another fit of laughter reverberated from them.

“I’m not looking at him!” You snapped. The lies slid smoothly and without hesitation. Of course, you were watching this football game because of Doyoung instead of going home and finally reunite with your bed. But you would die before you admit that to anyone else.

“Y/N, you’re blushing.” One of your friends teased while pointing her finger on your cheek. You slapped her hand away with a frown.

“Why do you guys insists that I like him? He’s the most insufferable boy I have ever met in my whole life,” you sighed. It’s true. Doyoung has been underfoot since you started high school. All you wanted to achieve in your life was to get better grades, ace your classes, and make your mama proud, but those things had nearly been impossible to attain because of a meat between your teeth that is Doyoung Kim.

He was a transfer student then. Silent, observer, but snarky nonetheless. A cold war sat between you ever since he came and took the first place and medals from you. It was childish, yes, and you would’ve been truly impressed if not for his constantly pompous arse. Every now and then, he would make you feel small and irrelevant. And dumb, might you add.

And yet, you couldn’t help but have a teeny-tiny crush on him every time he would challenge your every opinion. He was smart. You like smart boys. And to top it all? He was striking. That earned him the popularity he has today. Girls would literally drool every time he’s on the stage, giving his pretty speeches as president of the Student Council. Of course, you sat behind or beside him as the vice president.

“You’re perfect for each other, Y/N. You just don’t realize it yet.”

Oh, no. You weren’t the one who needs to realize it.

—

Last year of high school meant parties. Here and there. Everywhere. Every night. You sat every invitation but this one. Why? Simple. The venue is at Doyoung’s. You wouldn’t miss it for the world. Despite your constant bickering and childish arguments, you were still curious about how he behaves at a teenage gathering. Yes, you must admit, you wanted to see and congratulate him tonight for their victory earlier.

You tugged on the hem of your skirt before skittering through their enormous gates. Doyoung was rich, that was obvious by the way he comes at school with alternate cars every two days, and how his things were always labeled with famous brands. But never have you expected their house to be as big as the one in front of you now.

You gulped before searching for your friends in the throng of individuals.

“Wow, you look horrible.” Someone slurred behind you. The voice was clearly intoxicated, every word was mixed with alcohol.

You turned to see the owner of the voice, a gut feeling resting in your stomach. “Doyoung.” You squinted your eyes, half-examining and half-judging him. His face was ruddy, his hands gripping a glass of liquor. When did he start drinking? Surely, the party was only starting.

“Yes, it’s me. The man of your dreams.” He swung the glass to the air, his other finger pointing at himself.

You raised a brow. “Yeah? Dream on.” Then you turned on your heel and attempted to walk away from him— when his cold hand grabbed your wrist, whirling you towards him for the second time.

“Y/N—”

“What?” You deadpanned.

“Backyard.” He motioned with his finger. Then he preceded you towards the crowd of students holding red cups, making out couples at the corner of the room, of singing and dancing group of friends.

Why am I following him? But before you could ponder about your own question, you have already reached their backyard. Garlands of flowers adorned their high fences, the ground was covered with a carpet of green grass. Under a huge tree, a swing was hung.

The booming speakers from the house still lingers in the air, but it was muffled as Doyoung closed the door behind him. The juxtaposition of the yard from the interior of the house was staggering. It was as if you went into a portal from the chaos of modernity to the solemnity of the countryside.

“Why did you bring me here?” Trying to be as apathetic as possible, you walked towards the swing and settled yourself on its wooden seat.

Doyoung stood from beside you, for there was no more space left for him. “To tease you.” He shrugged.

“Doyoung, please, I want to enjoy the party.” You rolled your eyes and stood up, ready to leave him alone.

“C’mon. You came here for me.” He smirked, “Don’t worry. It’s our little secret.”

That’s the truth. But he might blow his head off once you admit it. “I really hate your guts.”

His brows furrowed, “You don’t.”

“I do. I hate your guts and I hate you.”

Doyoung stood face to face with you, then. You backed a step, the sudden closeness of your bodies sending goosebumps down your spine. “Say that again.”

“What?”

“Say that you hate me.”

“I hate you—” Then he claimed your lips. Your teeth clashed from the impact. Doyoung cupped your cheeks, the glass of liquor forgotten in the ground. You froze; muscles immobilized, eyes widening.

He moved his mouth, and you closed your eyes, giving in to his kisses at last. You grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him closer to you. Then it feels as if you could not get enough of each other— when he suddenly pulled away, his eyes were swirling with fire.

“I hate you, too,” he muttered with a smile.

[resetting37]

Ranking my story arcs

    One reason I wish I had an actual written story instead of it just being in my head and sometimes talked about out of order on Tumblr is that I’d want people to give their own opinions on the storyline. Like when people rank seasons or series number of a form of media they like, you know ?

   I figured I’d rank my own story arcs based on my personal opinions, both gushing about my ocs and criticizing areas where I need to work on their story. Hey it’s not perfect you know ? 

Basic summarization of RESETTING’s arcs

Again, this is based on my own opinion. What I value and love most in long running stories and also, me acknowledging my story needs work on. I have the basic outline but adding additional developmental stuff and character interactions never hurt, you know ?

Starting with my “least favorite” to my favorite.

6. ARC FOUR.

I have no qualms with this arc, but if I’m being honest, it’s my weakest. And I’m sure it’d be apparent if I had a story, other people would agree. Audrey spends almost the entire chapter away from the rest of the crew, and as for them, it’s mostly sad ? I’ll go ahead and address the good stuff:

Audrey’s journey in Dile is interesting. Meeting Lilith and SOUL is cool. If I had a webcomic I’d want her POV to be about a quarter to a third of the arc. But not having her interact with my main cast does kind of suck. But hey, at least she does a lot of evaluating and she's like “.. wait do I love Kat ?” because. FINALLY.

Kat’s storyline of having the alter ego “GLOSS”  is fun. I like developing the idea that this world would want to take advantage of their genetic engineering technology and create some sick monsters from it. 

Besides Audrey and Katsumi, the rest don’t get *too much* to do, which is fine, but everyone else is just, kind of sad. Rightfully so ! but, it’s not fun :-( 

With that being said, one more positive note, I LOVE the finale of arc four. Audrey finally reunites with the gang and it leads right well into what we’ll see in arc five (and, I WILL talk about arc five in a moment...)

5. ARC ONE.

Look, arc one is FINE ! I don’t think I did anything *wrong* with it. It works ! But it’s relatively uneventful. and I did that on purpose. It’s harmless, just gives enough hints on what these guys have in store. Part of the reason I rank this one is so low is that there’s not really a conflict. Just a couple of minor ones that involve Audrey adjusting to her new life. 

We do get to meet most of our characters though, so yay ! And they’re all mostly meeting each other ? Or at least becoming friends with each other, so we get to see them do that. 

smh we don’t even have Morgan in this arc... 

jk it’s okay, I promise it’s fun. To be honest it’s the only arc I haven’t come up with a finale for yet.. like at all... Maybe that’s why I’m harsh towards this one.. it’s underdeveloped ! We’ll get working.

4. ARC SIX

Putting my final arc on the lower half LOOKS bad, but I just love the other three more, I promise ! I don’t have anything *bad* to say about my grand finale ! Other than that... my ocs are in some bad situations in the beginning and that might be upsetting. Unlike Arc four where they’re just sad, they're sad but they’re doing something at the same time. They start off all split up, but once my characters reunite, it’s fun.

I don’t like talking about this one too much because it’s complicated, so I’ll stop early. I’ll at least despite the hardships they’ve been through before, they get a happy ending. 

3. ARC THREE

This is where “my personal opinion” comes in heavily because I feel like if this was an actual story most people would put arc six before this one. But I’m so biased this one because it’s about the BAD GUYS ! Not only is Trinity *finally* introduced and given my favorite character introduction, but we get to see Recom. 

And they’re not even the main storyline. It’s actually Audrey becoming friends with Aurora and Sean. Aurora is finally shown her more villainous side (she gets worse, but before this she never actively hurt someone “in the story”) 

My characters all go through some really good developing in this arc (not just Avery and Zack, but Advik and Audrey change a lot here too) 

I think this arc just has a lot of fun world building (we see the prime class of Evelow up close, Recom, the inner depths of the Ellocast project) we see lesser known characters get to shine (Ian and Heidi have a good role here, we finally meet TY and the faceless twins, Aurora and her clique, etc.) 

I’d say the finale doesn’t leave off on the greatest note (It ends with Audrey LEAVING.) and that’s probably it’s greatest flaw. my fault. but yeah, I ranked this one in the upper half for my own biased reasons, what are you gonna do about it ?

2. ARC TWO

I freaking LOVE this arc !! MY FAVORITE CHARACTER IS HERE !!!! Bias is coming in again, but Morgan aside, it’s a very fun arc. I'd say it’s just as fun as arc three, but it’s happier, so it gets bonus points.

I mean, Sean is introduced in this Arc too, of course. My other “major character that’s borderline main”. He’s not as his best here (we’ll see that soon enough) but I love this guy. 

Here we get the perfect balance between having stakes and having good wholesome friends interacting ! Speaking of stakes, my first real villains, Adam and Seth ! And I freaking love them. Something about the storyline of bounty hunters going after their ex best friend, you know ?

Morgan just has great chemistry with all of my characters (ESPECIALLY advik and Avery.) and I love the tension she has with Audrey initially. 

Plot wise, It’s mostly focused on Morgan and Advik. Audrey is the main character still, it’s mostly a heightened version of what she was going through the previous arc (I.e. learning about Evelow while exploring her powers) Which is fine, I like that her personal arc is a little subtle because this is mostly about her external problems i.e. interactions w other characters.

1. ARC FIVE

arc five has EVERYTHING: every character has something to do, the stakes are super high, the internal AND external struggles, it’s so fun ! My characters do get to interact in ways I haven’t let them yet - imagine Avery being an antagonist ? Imagine Sean and trinity in the same room ?? Those happen here. 

Every character just SHINES here. Aurora gets to be absolutely evil here, the finale is heart breaking, and rightfully so. Sure Echo looks mean in my cover art up there, but they’re more so antagonistic than villainous. Echo is kind like a funny evil if that makes sense lol. 

I’m sorry, I’m making this sound sad despite it being my favorite. It’s sad to see the characters who were once best friends slowly split apart. But the ~drama~ of it all, you know ? And they don’t hate each other !! No we get really good friendship moments, Like Advik appointing Morgan as his advisor for his new council member role.. hm. Why Morgan ? because she’s his best friend :-) 

Audrey and Katsumi are FINALLY seen as girlfriends, we’ve been waiting for so long. (also, there’s a lot of romance in this arc lol. I’m not good at writing romance but it sure is fun)

But yeah, I love this one for having the tension and build up the previous arcs had finally paid off. 

[ladyanatui]

Ultimate Daiken Playlist, Pt. 2

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

This is the abridged version of my Spotify playlist for all things Daiken, organized from the start of 02 to...eventually.

Part 2 specifically covers from Ken finding Wormmon’s Digi-Tama to just after XV-mon and Stingmon Jogress-evolve into Paildramon.

TRIGGER WARNING: This post discusses depression, suicide, emotional abuse, and PTSD quite a lot. Take care of yourselves, folks!

Spotify Playlist

Click the song titles for YouTube links (apparently you can’t have more than five videos in a post), and otherwise, enjoy me rambling about Daiken.

One final note: Within the lyrics, I’ve emphasized meaningful words, such as night/nightmare, dark/darkness, miracle(s), kind/kindness, courage/bravery, friend/friendship, sun/star/light, fire/burn/ignite, angel(s), and words related to water/drowning.

“What If This Is All the Love You Ever Get?” by Snow Patrol

What if it hurts like hell? Then it'll hurt like hell Come on over, come on over here I'm in the ruins too I know the wreckage so well Come on over, come on over here What if this is all the love you ever get?

If “Tell Me Why” by Three Days Grace focuses on Wormmon’s death, this song focuses on Ken’s trip to the Village of Beginnings, where he finds Wormmon’s egg and brings him back. Because Ken is absolutely scared that he won’t be able to find Wormmon because, as far as he believes, he doesn’t deserve to have him back. Obviously, that’s not true, and the pair is reunited and Wormmon even evolves to Stingmon between episodes (unfortunately).

“Aftermath” by Adam Lambert

Wanna scream out, no more hiding Don't be afraid of what's inside Gonna tell ya you'll be alright In the aftermath

Alright, this song is probably pretty obvious. Ken has to deal with the aftermath of what happened to him/what he did, and so do the rest of the Chosen Children. The others are cleaning up the Digital World while he’s learning to be an eleven-year-old boy again and allowing his parents to get to know him for the first time, even while he still tries to figure out who he is.

“Demons” by The All-American Rejects

Am I even here? Is it still even me? Am I some of the man that I still claim to be? It's like losing a fight, I'm alone in the ring You come to fix me? Would you believe, could you believe you need me?

Obviously, it’s not that easy, though. And when we experience trauma the way Ken does, having his choices and very personality taken from him, there’s a long road of recovery.

“Sinking Man” by Of Monsters and Men

Cold, dark sea Wrapping its arms around me Pulling me down to the deep All eyes on me

I pushed you away Although I wished you could stay So many words left unsaid But I'm all out of breath

I associate this song especially with the scene Ken and Daisuke share by the canal, where Daisuke asks Ken to apologize and join the team. The moment apologizing is mentioned, Ken agrees--which, of course, has Daisuke over the moon--but then he asks if Daisuke thinks the others would forgive him, if a mere apology would make up for everything he did.

Although he’s certainly right about them not accepting an apology without action and follow-through to back it up, he’s also (surprise, surprise) self-sabotaging. And that’s even more apparent the moment Daisuke calls him their “partner.” Ken flips out and runs off pretty quickly.

“The Real You” by Three Days Grace

And it seems like I've known you forever I'll keep you safe for one more night Need you to know that it's all right I see the real you Even if you don't I do I do

And this is the other side of the coin. Daisuke’s perspective of that same scene/situation. Because Daisuke looked into the Digimental of Miracles and he knows that Ken is good. He knows it with all his freaking beautiful heart, and he’s willing to completely ignore the other Chosen Children when they outright tell him they don’t want Ken on the team. He doesn’t care what they say because he knows how wrong they are, and he knows how wrong Ken is about himself.

It’s pretty safe to say that Daisuke is the only person in all of 02 who sees Ken for who he really is, and he’s willing to put everything on the line, including the team morale and dynamics, to support Ken.

“Numb” by Linkin Park

Can't you see that you're smothering me? Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control 'Cause everything that you thought I would be Has fallen apart right in front of you Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow Every step that I take is another mistake to you Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow And every second I waste is more than I can take

What playlist about a character with depression would be complete without this? “Numb” is an iconic depression song, made even more so by Chester Bennington’s death, though Linkin Park has so many songs related to depression and mental health.

**Okay, it’s pretty safe to say the next six songs have to do with the two-part episode (episodes 26 & 27) revolving around Daisuke and Ken’s initial Jogress evolution. It’s kind of a big deal, so it’s a big deal in the playlist as well. The event functions as 02′s midpoint and centerpiece, so it’s one of the most emotionally charged and important scenes in the whole season. It really can’t be summed up in a song or two.**

“This Is How I Disappear” by My Chemical Romance

Can you hear me cry out to you? Words I thought I'd choke on figure out I'm really not so with you anymore I'm just a ghost So I can't hurt you anymore

This song in particular is about Ken’s suicidal ideation, the technical term for suicidal thoughts. Ken is what is sometimes called “gray suicidal” (since people often think of suicide in black and white terms, which isn’t accurate) because he has no specific plan to kill him, he’s never attempted suicide, and he doesn’t want to actually die.

And yet, he thinks about death a lot and that he deserves to die and that his death would help fix things because he can’t hurt anyone if he’s dead. He wants to punish himself, and he wants to carry all of the burden because he thinks he deserves it. (Obviously, this isn’t true, as Ken’s story arc is more about overcoming trauma than about redeeming himself--but you’d have a hard time convincing Ken of that fact.)

“Friend, Please” by Twenty One Pilots

Would you let me know your plans tonight 'Cause I just won't let go till we both see the light And I have nothing else left to say But I will listen to you all day, yes, I will

So basically, these next couple songs sum up the argument Daisuke and Ken have before their digivices light up for the Jogress evolution. First, Daisuke tries to convince Ken to let them help, that they’ll work together, but...

“Save Yourself” by My Darkest Days

I’m the devil’s son straight out of hell And you’re an angel with a haunted heart If you’re smart you’d run and protect yourself From the demon living in the dark There’s nothing to be gained cause I can never change And you can never understand my sickness

Oh, look, Ken is being stubborn and frustrating and self-sabotaging yet again. He legitimately thinks the others will be better off if they leave him alone, and he means that both because if he’s the only one inside the base when it explodes, they’ll survive and because if they keep their distance from him in regards to friendship, he can’t hurt them emotionally. And worst of all, he’s roped Wormmon/Stingmon in on this suicidal atonement thing. *smh*

Ken: I won’t let people suffer anymore because of what I did...no more. ... I want to restore the Digital World with my own hands, but things just keep getting worse. I can’t stand it! Stingmon (to XV-mon): If there’s any way I can atone for the sins I’ve committed... Ken: It doesn’t matter what happens to me! Right now, I have to stop this reactor.

Bonus points for references to angels and hearts, though since this is from Ken’s perspective, Daisuke would be the “angel with a haunted heart.” Not sure that imagery works well, but the rest of it does.

“Die for You” by Starset

Some day when galaxies collide We'll be lost on different skies I will send my rocket ship to find you Because I know you're lost when you run away Into the same black holes and black mistakes Taking all my will just to run alone Until I bring you home

And what’s Daisuke’s reaction to Ken being stubborn and stupid? Bitch-slap him! He fucking needs it. (That’s everyone’s solution in this show, I swear.) And Daisuke isn’t going to let him get away with that shit. He yells and shouts and berates Ken until he finally looks at it from someone else’s perspective:

Daisuke: You idiot! *slap* How can you say that? Daisuke: Think of who would be sad if you were gone. If I let you go now and you never come back, I’ll regret it forever. So I won’t let you go! Daisuke: You may be okay with it, but I’m not. Ken: Motomiya... Daisuke: Live! Daisuke: If you die now, you won’t be able to accomplish anything. I don’t want that. Ken: I don’t want that either. There are still many things I must do. Ken: Besides, I don’t want to make my family sad anymore...

Note: I cut out XV-mon’s lines to Stingmon here because Daisuke’s words are the important part of this conversation, but I separated Daisuke’s lines where XV-mon spoke for clarity.

“Divide” by Bastille

Why would we divide when we could come together? Just bodies that collide, lost and found each other So don't, don't leave me alone Don't leave me alone, don't leave me alone Why would we divide when we could come together?

It’s only after that, after they understand each other on a monumental level, that they are able to Jogress evolve. And boy is that an experience. No other Jogress partners (except maybe Taichi and Yamato) have this intense of an experience with Jogress evolution, none have their bond.

And quite frankly, this song is about as poorly veiled a hint at sex as Jogress evolution is. Just listen to it. You’ll see.

But this song also shows Ken’s hesitation when it comes to Jogress. They work so well together, they’re completely in sync, they understand each other, but he’s definitely not ready to join the team or be Daisuke’s partner.

“Heartlines” by Florence + The Machine

Your heart is the only place that I call home Can I be returned, you can You can, we can

Just keep following The heartlines on your hand

Okay, and last one about the Jogress evolution! This one should be pretty damn obvious too: When Daisuke and Ken have their initial Jogress, one of the most notable things that makes it different from all others’ Jogress experiences is the fact that they can feel/hear each other’s heartbeats.

Soul fucking mates.

“Pieces” by Sum 41

This place is so empty My thoughts are so tempting I don't know how it got so bad Sometimes it's so crazy that nothing can save me But it's the only thing that I have

But when everything is over and Daisuke explains exactly how the experience was for him (“When our Digimon combined, our thoughts and feelings flowed through each of our bodies. Our hearts beating as one…it was an amazing feeling of unity! That’s when I knew we were partners.”), Ken panics and tells him, “I’m qualified to be your partner yet,” and walks away before Daisuke really has the chance to process what happened. Despite Daisuke’s words before they Jogress-evolved, Ken is still determined to redeem himself before allowing himself to join the team.

“Run” by Snow Patrol

Light up, light up As if you have a choice Even if you cannot hear my voice I'll be right beside you, dear

Of course, that would require Daisuke to know how to take no for an answer. Even if Ken isn’t going to listen to him and join the team, he still includes him as much as he can, and he is determined to stick by Ken’s side even if he doesn’t want him there.

And it may look to an outsider like Daisuke isn’t respecting Ken’s wishes, which yeah, that’s technically true. But by this time, Daisuke understands Ken better than anyone, save Wormmon, and while Daisuke may not respect Ken’s wishes, he respects Ken more than Ken respects himself. More than anything, he wants to help Ken, and he will be there for Ken to lean on if he ever needs to.

“Not Today” by Twenty One Pilots

Heard you say, "Not today" Tore the curtains down, windows open now, make a sound Heard your voice, "There's no choice" Tore the curtains down, windows open now, make a noise

I'm, I'm out of my mind, I'm not seeing things right I waste all this time trying to run from you But I'm, I'm out of my mind

To an extent, it is because of Daisuke’s forwardness that Ken keeps running away, as Hikari says on multiple occasions. He keeps trying to run away from Daisuke, from the other Chosen Children, but for some reason (*cough* Daisuke *cough*), it doesn’t seem to stick.

“Arch Drive Goodbye” by Eve 6

Wanna keep you from breakin' Wanna keep you from shakin' Wanna keep you from keepin' You down Wanna keep you from sinkin' Wanna keep you from drinkin' Sometimes Wanna keep you from keepin' You down

Ringing in my head All the things you've said All the things you've done I wish I could compromise But there's only one way to go And I'm going alone I'm going alone

I see this song as a sort of duet. There are sections/lines that would be from Daisuke’s perspective (the first quote, though obviously ignore the line about drinking--they’re eleven) and sections that would be from Ken’s (the second quote). Daisuke wants to help him so badly, but Ken is still so determined not to need help and to go it alone.

“Someone to Save You” by OneRepublic

All right Sit down and spill your heart

Let’s start from the very start 'Cause I can see by your eyes You're wasted Your energy comes and goes You taking your time, you know Nothing can change what happened

Not that Daisuke will listen to that, right? No matter how much Ken insists he can go it alone, Daisuke is always there to be supportive. He’s just as determined to help Ken as Ken is to refuse help. Actually, no, Daisuke is way more determined. He will always, above all else, persevere.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

[jokahlu]

Kingdom Hearts 3 Ted Talk, Kairi’s Edition (More like rant) (Will contain spoilers)

*Warnings*

While reading the following post you should expect:

*Spoilers are ahead.

*Duality of emotions clashing between love and frustration.

*A certain mouse’s head will be expected in a platter, and he will be the source of the darkness coming out of me.

*Love for a character that deserved way more than what she got.

*Deep disappointment for a forgotten friendship that was non-existent.

*A sailing ship warmed my heart.

*And an ending that shattered it.

…So it’s basically me ranting at how SE treats Kairi.

Also, it’s a pretty long read. I tried to make it short. Oh well.

Enjoy.

*Read at your own discretion*

I’m so wrecked after this game. But don’t get me wrong, I loved it!

The graphics were superb, their expressions on point, the writing and humor, the landscapes and worlds. It was all so precious. Being able to play as the spiked hair little bundle of joy again after so long was truly like coming home.

But as much as I loved it, there are so many things that rubbed me the wrong way. So many things I hoped for, that seemed reasonable and not out of the realm of possibilities, but never happened.

I will not mention all of them here because I could write an entire essay about it. Reason why I’ll try not to get overly excited. Underline try.

This time I will mostly talk about Kairi. 

Let’s do this quick, shall we?

First of all, I need that mouse’s head on a platter.

I wish Aqua would’ve given Mickey a good beating in this game. Don’t get me wrong, I usually like Mickey and his character in the KH franchise is pretty cool. But I hated his disregard to Kairi in this game. It just made me want to scream. Yes, he’s not the only one who doesn’t give a damn about the redhead (more on that lovely subject later), but I felt like he valued other’s life above hers in a blatantly obvious way. There are two scenes where I noticed this and it made me want to crawl up the walls.

The first scene was when Kairi is about to be struck down by Terranort, after him discarding two experienced fighters with a little more than a flick of his wrist, mind you. So, of course she’s scared and paralyzed, like any normal keyblade wielder (with only basic training and no real experience) would be. As Sora is desperately running to shield her with nothing but his body, Mickey uselessly screams “Sora no!”, as Donald and Goofy use their brains (and weapons) and come to the rescue.

What gives Mickey? Is she that unimportant in your mind, that Sora shouldn’t even try to help her? Did you honestly expect Sora to just let her die? Because if Terranort struck her, she was toast.

But I guess the answer is yes, because the other scene that made me want to strangle him was when Sora wants to go and save her and Mickey is trying to convince him not to go. I bet if it was Minnie on the line he would be jumping into lava if it meant to save her. But Kairi? Nah.

I swear I would’ve wanted Minnie to be next to Kairi and both be destroyed by Master Xehanort, just to see if Mickey’s reaction would be any different and if he would also risk it all at the end to save her instead of being like “oh don’t go Sora, you may never come back. Just leave Kairi to die, we can lose her but not you” attitude. Geez.

Love for a character that deserved better.

Oh, I could go one and on, on this one. It’s divided in many categories because the whole rant can be resumed in: she deserved better.

I’ll point out the obvious: I’ve always loved Kairi.

Yeah, she’s underdeveloped, not well written and can’t seem to shake the damsel in distress coat off, but I’ve always liked her. I’ve always felt Sora and Riku’s love for her real and heartwarming, and that’s made me like her so much. She’s also super brave, witty and has a great personality (don’t fight me on this)

I do get why some people might not like her, but I do.

Kingdom Hearts games have always treated her like a plot device and nothing more, and kh3 was the worst of the bunch in my opinion.

No one seems to care about her except for Sora.

When everyone reunites after Kairi dies, the only one who says something to him to reassure and confort Sora, apart from Donald and Goofy, is Xion. The rest are like oh ok she died, what’s next? I was expecting for Axel to be pissed, sad, anything, or anyone commenting something about it, but they just disregarded it like nothing happened.

Even if I understand that Terra, Aqua, Ven, Roxas, even Xion, didn’t know her that well and I didn’t expect it to affect them, at least they should acknowledge their fallen comrade. But ok, they didn’t know her that well. But Axel and Riku virtually not giving a damn? It really made things worse for my already wrecked heart. Those two are her closest friends, aside from Sora..

Even when the final battle is over everyone is like “wohoo we won! it’s all over!” (I’m glaring at you mouse) and even Riku agrees, Sora is the only one who is sad and heartbroken for her dying. Speaking of Riku basically disregarding her death..

Deep disappointment for a forgotten friendship that was basically non-existent.

Saying that I was disappointed in Kairi and Rikus interactions is a mayor understatement. This broke my heart because my highest hope for kh3 was to see Riku and Kairi being friends. Like, real friends.

In kh1 he was all over protecting her, in kh2 he silently looked after her and kept her safe as much as he could, but kh3? Man, in this game they felt like borderline strangers to me. Even faced by her being murdered in front of his face, he just stood there kind of surprised and pissed. Nothing more.

Seriously?

I mean Master Xehanort had just cold-bloodedly killed her right then and there, and he didn’t react as if his childhood friend had just turned into dust. 

And even worse, when the final battle ended he didn’t even offer to go with Sora to save her. What the hell?

If it was Sora who had died, there is no doubt in my mind that he would’ve been fighting his way to save him, consequences be dammed. (And it’s what probably happens when Kairi comes home alone, smh) And that reaction would be right because they’re best friends and that how any of the other characters would react if one of their trio was killed and they had the chance to save them.

So why did it seem like he didn’t care at all? It hurts a lot.

Where is the Riku who’s last worlds for Sora were asking him to keep Kairi safe? The one who helped her escape Axel or shielded her from Saix?

Riku felt off to me in Kingdom Hearts 3, not only because of this, but I’ll leave that for my Riku rant.

Kairi’s performance in the final battle

Not everyone has to kick ass to be valid, and she tried her best to train and help, even when it was not something she was used to. 

I mean, come on! Her first real experiences in battle were in the final battle. Who the hell thought it was a good idea? She had only trained with Axel. So, of course she would freeze when she sees trained/experienced keyblade wielders being thrown all over the place. Even Sora didn’t take out his weapon, trying to save her in the rush of the moment. And even if she did take out her keyblade when Terranort attacked her, she would’ve been smashed against the wall like Axel.

I’ll admit that before kh3 was released, I wished she did become OP and beat some organization XIII butt, but as I advanced in the game I realized how ridiculous that is. If you put kh1 Riku and Sora in that scenario, even at the end of the game with all the experience they had gathered, I bet they wouldn’t have fared very differently.

What I truly want is for her to go on her own adventure and grow powerful at her own pace, so in the next big battle she’ll be fairly prepared. It would be better if that adventure was with Sora and Riku, exploring new worlds together just the three of them, like they dreamed about in kh1.

But I’ll say it again: Not everyone in the game must kick ass to be valid.

A sailing ship warmed my heart. Even if it was poorly written (Unsurprisingly. It involves Kairi so I expected as much)

The Sokai in the game honestly lifted my battered heart.

Sora grows to learn so much more of love in this game: how powerful true love can be, how if you truly believe, love can make miracles happen and that one day is enough if there is true love.. He even admits that he still doesn't know much about it, but as the story goes on we can see that he knows more than he believes.

I loved the paopu scene. I could totally imagine Kairi and Riku planning it beforehand, so that Kairi and Sora would be alone to do so. Key word being “imagine” because at this point, their friendship is only in my imagination.. but that will be saved for Riku’s rant..

I believe that it’s so in character that Kairi initiates the paopu scene, because Sora would never do so. But I loved it, and the way they looked at each other was so.. oh man this game.

The paopu moment did seem to make Sora bolder, touching her more than before and being blunter about how she makes him feel. And it’s so heartwarming and wholesome that the moment when Sora realizes Kairi’s light had been guiding him in the darkness, he remembers the two acts of true love he had witnessed before in the game: Rapunzel’s tear bringing Flynn back to life and Elsa and Ana’s scene as well. I believe that’s the moment when he realizes that she’s his True Love.. 

That moment when he finds her in the darkness, and he makes her shy when he tells her that he felt strong with her, smiling knowingly when she turns away embarrassed. Or holding her hand for longer than necessary when they go back with the others.

It’s amazing that after meeting so many new people, many gorgeous girls and guys, Sora’s heart hasn’t let go of the friend he fell for as kids. He loved her for her personality and heart, which is why their bond is so strong, even if they see each other less than before.. which is a massive understatement if I must say so myself.  

That heart wrenching scream when she was taken into the heartless tornado or his grief-stricken face as he screamed at Master Xehanort “Why”, are proof of just how deep his feelings for her are. How important and invaluable she is in his life.

Adding to this, his utter sacrifice to go save her as soon as possible, not enjoying his victory against Master Xehanort, and not making her wait one more second (his words, not mine) is a statement of his feelings for her, simple and clear (thought I would say clean did ya?)

I mean, come on! His first thought after killing that murderous bald sack of darkness was about her.

And at the end I love how they were holding hands and sitting so close to each other on the paopu tree (They’re definitely a couple now) before he vanished and shattered my heart in a million different pieces.

Speaking of which..

An ending that shattered my heart.

I feel like her dying was very unnecessary. I think that it was only for Sora to embark on a mission alone. Master Xehanort says that he lacks motivation, so he kills her (she’s being used as a plot device again dammit) but Sora clearly was going to fight him either way, motivation or not. 

So, killing Kairi was only for Sora to go alone at the end, leave the story inconclusive and the game, and players, in dire need of a sequel.

Before the secret ending had been added, I was super sad that the only person who truly cared for her had seemingly died, or vanished, but now we know he’s someplace else, looking for a way back to her. I would love for her to save him, but given how SE treats her, I think I’ll temper my expectations for her in the next installments of the games.

This game left me with a super bittersweet feeling, but it was definitely worth it! I won’t let SE and the character’s indifference towards Kairi affect my overall enjoyment of the game.

But let’s hope she gets to shake that damsel in distress title Nomura loves to give her.. I guess I can’t keep my expectations low for her, can I?

Oh well, Sora still need to give her her lucky charm back, which she gave back in Blank Points, so he needs to come back to her to return it.

Please SE let Kairi help save Sora this time, without being a burden. Thank you.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

[leggigoesabroad]

skipping down sixteenth avenue

We woke up the next morning honestly fuggin AMPED because it was a full day at sea.  We had big plans to get some work done, explore the ship, day drink, revel in it all, etc.  But immediately we all felt so seasick that mid-meeting in Brooke’s room she just said “this isn’t happening. Let’s all go back to bed.” And we snorted lines of Dramamine and napped (essentially.)  We got an invitation that morning for dinner with the captain that night, which just so happened to be the ship’s formal night that we didn’t know existed.  Cue PANIC as I accused them all of trying to haze me by not telling me I needed to bring anything other than athleisure.  The nicest thing I brought with me was a floral jumpsuit so I tried my best to blend in but goddamn it these women were wearing like, sparkly evening gowns, strapless bodycon dresses, etc.   Couldn’t even go shopping anywhere since we were at sea all day.  Brooke says it was Nick’s fault, Nick and I secretly remember it was Brooke’s fault as she was the one who told us that Alaskan cruises don’t have formal nights…. Sigh. I’ve only just now started to get over it.  Combined with feeling like death all day and then having to be on good behavior for the very peculiar captain, things were dire.  The lack of formalwear also of course meant that I felt the need to get ahead of it to everyone I encountered the entire night.  “Just so you know I was told there wasn’t a formal night!!” **manic laughter drawing attention to myself** “I would never think this was appropriate for a formal night or dinner with the captain, we didn’t know! We’re here for work! It was a miscommunication!” **more manic laughter and essentially forcing people to say I look nice** “I dress way better at home, had I known I would have fit right in!! You can imagine.  I compensated by getting rip-roaring drunk and OD’ing on Dramamine which led me to a coma-like state I tried to Adderall-away the rest of the cruise.  Hate me cuz u ain’t me.  

The captain was ssssssooo strange – pleasant, but just on a different level of awareness than most normal people.  Lived in his own little captain world.  Old and British and told stories that made no sense and weren’t really relevant. Overly polite but also we felt like he didn’t want to be there.  By the way, I saw captain multiple times a day and at EVERY meal.  I swear he’s just a figurehead who never drives the boat himself. We did a bridge tour later in the week and he made a point to roll on through and look like he was “captain-ing” at one point when we all know he just chills and makes his officers do it. Towards the end of the trip we were talking to him one day and asked how his day was, and he said he had to get up at 4 am to dock and was exhausted and slept all day afterwards.  First of all, 4 am isn’t that much earlier than a normal early wake-up time.  Second of all, docking start to finish only takes like 45 minutes MAX.  Third of all, it’s your job!!!!!!!

We finally pulled into our first port in Ketchikan on Thursday morning.  The boys each had a fun shore excursion to do (bear sanctuary, ziplining) but Brooke, Yolanda and I had a day of running from vendor to vendor to spend about 15 minutes each just learning what they offered and asking questions.  Yolanda used to travel in Alaska with Seabourn back in 2013, so she greeted every tour operator in every town as if they were her long-lost brother or sister and reunited after being away at war for six years. You’ll hear more about it as these blogs go on but lord she is the most dramatic person I have ever met and also not self-aware whatsoever but it’s fucking hysterical.  Today when we said goodbye I said, “honestly, Yolanda, I can’t remember a time before I knew you.” And that’s about how I can sum up our relationship.  

The bopping around was not as fun because we didn’t actually participate in any of the activities, and it was pouring rain.  But all things considered, not as bad as I expected it would be.  We met two super-hot fishermen (each of whom had a baby with their wives in the last week smh where do I get one) and heard all about their different excursions.  They sounded dope but there was freshly caught fish all around us on the docks and their eyes stared at me during the whole spiel and I couldn’t focus.  Why are fish eyes SO CREEPY? After a few more stops around town, our local tour operator Kari drove us to the end of the island to George Inlet Lodge and met one of the owner/operators, CANDI, who gave me a real “mom in Justified /Aunt Lydia in Handmaid’s Tale / whatever her real name is who just won an Emmy” vibe, except less cold blooded murder-y. They showed us their boats and excursions and then fed us an authentic meal just like the members would get, which included Dungeness crab legs.  I told myself before the trip started that I’d HAVE to try and eat more seafood because a) it’s fresh AF in Alaska so this is the place b) my excuse of “but it’s too expensive at restaurants” can’t apply here #freeunlimitedfood and c) I should try to immerse myself in the culture. If Kitty ever reads this she’ll die, also Kitty you should never go to Alaska.  We’re going to keep a running tab on all the seafood, I tried, okay?!  First: the “dungie” crabs.  Learned how to crack them open and everything.  They were relatively tasty, but I still don’t get why people lose their shit over crab legs, especially because it’s soooooo much work for so little payout.  I’m more of a low investment, high reward type.

After the lodge we drove to the opposite end of the island and got on a boat to drive out to Hump Island (lol) Oyster Farm, where a 20-year-old kid named Sean showed us around his dad’s operation.  He was the epitome of what I imagine an Alaskan braaaaaaaah to be and he was cracking me up. All self-deprecating humor about how no 20-year-old should know as much about oysters as him and all he wants to do is chill with his friends in the summer, not tumble oysters 12 hours a day. There were tons of pots all around the little floating island and he explained it takes an oyster about 3 years to grow to maturity and be ready to be eaten/sold, so I asked him if the pots were organized by relative age so you know which ones are new and which need more time, etc.  He said, “honestly we’re just oyster farmers we’re not the brightest most organized guys in the world but that would make sense, wouldn’t it” but all with a sweet douchey little smile only a college kid could get away with.  The thing that struck me most was just how different “summer jobs” in Alaska are for kids than in say, DC.  They don’t work at fast food restaurants or for their dad’s law firm or at daycare blah blah blah, they work on boats or on oyster farms or fishing or logging or giving tours to cruise passengers.  Builds character! And calluses!  They fed us fresh oysters after that which I really didn’t want because I had an oyster one time and I thought it was gross, but again, had to.  And it tasted better than I remember probably because I was literally on the farm where it was grown, kinda like how beer tastes better at a brewery because it never has to travel. 

Back on the ship that night, we ate at what is literally called The Restaurant.  The ship only has a few dining options – The Restaurant, which is pretty shmancy and requires a reservation (but not for us VIPs of course who had the same table reserved for us every night), the Colonnade (buffet-style, ate all of our breakfasts and lunches there) and the Grill, which is a VERY SHMANCY Thomas Keller restaurant that has cut-throat competition for reservations and apparently our members lose their minds over.  We ate there a few nights later and I accidentally got hammered on my new favorite drink, Old Cubans, and had to be essentially rolled out of there in front of the Super Hot Waiter I’m in Love With, Thomas from Belgium. Literally just conjured his face in my mind when typing this and felt an internal swoon.  I miss him so much.  ANYWAY we ate at the Restaurant each night, which had fixed menu options on the right hand side and a rotating left menu.  I tried to be ~adventurous but mostly ate a lot of steak.  Had a black truffle risotto one night and literally loved it so much asked for a second portion.  Going to the lake this weekend and stuffing myself in a bikini is going to be like, a three-person job. We had the same two servers each night – Anastasiia, a 25-year-old Russian girl who love/hated us and today tried to do a bike excursion after never having ridden a bike before and eventually gave up because she crashed too much (I said, “Anastasiia! You can’t just try and ride a bike and hope it goes well, you need someone to guide/teach you until you’re comfortable!” Smh) and Simba, a South African angel who had a crush on me and calmly put up with all of my Lion King jokes.  Listen, other than Super Hot Waiter Thomas, they all had a crush on me.  Maybe they found my complete lack of adherence to their dress code sexy in a “fuck the rules” kind of way?? (How is one supposed to dress for “elegant casual” nightly anyway…) Maybe it was how I insisted night over night that I was “one of them” and not a client because I was here for a site visit and begged them to let me hang out with them?  (The assistant Maitre’D Marius tried to pull so many strings to allow us to be invited to crew Bingo night but alas, we were rejected.) Or maybe it was because I was one of the only people on the ship under the age of 60 and I shamelessly chatted and flirted with everyone I saw, at every meal… It’s hard to say. Simba even publicly sang me a love song at the last night at dinner.  

Slept that night and woke up to the most magical, mystical, ethereal scenery of the Misty Fjords surrounding us.  I’ll post a picture so you can truly understand how magical these were.  Pouring rain but gorgeous and foggy and tranquil. TO BE CONTINUED!

[dudemarsh]

Hey I saw your Frozen thing with tweek and craig and I liked the concept so i wanted to draw a little of that kind too but a qeustion who is Hans and Christopher in your au?

oH boy I haven’t even thought it out that deeply but damn if you want to draw something for it go ahead I’d love to see that!! ! - but okie dokie let’s write out some meta then shall we

  actually, in the au Craig would fill an odd mess of both Kristoff’s and Anna’s roles, since he obviously isn’t. tweek’s sister. (oh god no) and that would also eliminate Hans from the au since Craig is no royalty which would make the Hans’ betrayal meaninless hah

   Craig is just this guy from the town, but he knew Tweek years ago. When they were younger, Tweek was allowed to play with the other kids, and he and Craig were really, really close, (childhood crushes nudge nudge wink wonk) but then an Accident happened with Tweek’s ice powers and he was shut off by his parents. The other kids were really sad about it and missed him a lot, especially Craig, and no one knew why Tweek was just taken from them. They probably tried to break in just to play with him smh.

Years would go by, Tweek would grow up in a complete isolation of any physical human contact, paranoid and scared of his own powers and himself. The only thing keeping him from totally losing it were letters from Craig, and holy shit how can you love someone so much without even seeing them. That goes on until due circumstances Tweek would have to step up to the throne. Of course his kid friends from back then, aka young adults now, would come and see their new king getting the crown when the gates are opened.

Craig never really gave up on Tweek, he always felt like there was something more to it why Tweek was shut off (even thought Tweek wouldn’t tell him in the letters) and was always reminded of him when looking in the mirror (- that odd white lock of hair he really couldn’t explain but always brought up Tweek from his memories)

They all reunite, stuff happens, Tweek loses it, shit goes down, Tweek runs away while accidentally freezing up the town and all that good stuff. Craig and co. have a Funky Adventure trying to find Tweek before literally everything is frozen(roll the credits pals), but when they finally find him Tweek isn’t,, very cooperative with all that “you need to come back” stuff. Craig gets shot by an ice beam™ and at the same instant the royal army finds them, witnessing it, and decide that Tweek is too dangerous and everyone is brought back to the town. Tweek is just,, completely devastated and given up at that point because he thinks he has killed Craig and the soldiers have no trouble taking him in and putting him into cell.

  Meanwhile, Craig’s friends find out that to save Craig from turning into an ice statue and dying they’d need one Act of True Love, and remember how Craig would sometimes mutter about how hard it is to give up on childhood love where both have feelings but life came in the way, and conclude it’s gotta be a kiss from someone Craig has known the longest, has had some romantic hussle and is a really good friend with. Whether it’s Clyde or Kenny that’s up for you fellas - but the famous plot twist “if only someone loved you” kissing skene wouldn’t be that much of a betrayal one, it would be an actual showing of how much the other person really knows about Craig and the painful realization that comes with it -

*person leaning in for a kiss, stops just a bit before touching Craig’s lips*

“…But there’s someone out there who loves you more.”

boom

it’s decided that Tweek is too much of a danger to keep alive, gets a death sectence, half frozen craig runs between him and the executioner, turns into ice saving Tweeks life, Tweek cries out how he could rather die in Craig’s place while hugging the statue, Craig is magically melted back into a human, all that emotional relief and all the problems are solved by the pover of love, everything is jolly, they all go ice skating together, everyone is happy, the end. that’s my version anyways - you guys are free to do whatever w/ the idea !! I don’t own either Frozen nor sp ahaha

[primrose-path-of-dalliance]

Lotor?

ngl, i squealed when i saw this. i get to talk about My Boy!!!

thank you for the ask

(send me characters and i’ll give thoughts on them!)

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life

sorry, anti-lotor half of the vld fandom, but i love this guy to pieces and nothing y’all say can change that because 1. y’all’s attempts at critically saying he’s Bad are poorly done imo lmao, 2. i’m not so preoccupied with morality and purity culture that i stick my thumbs in my ears and try to shove plugs into other ppl’s ears, and 3. opinions are subjective.

like personally, i love complex characters set up as parallels and foils to major protagonists that are inherently anti-imperialist, archaeologists, and conservationists; are representative of a not-so-palatable reality of abuse survivorship; have issues of trauma, paranoia, and interpersonal defeatism; and are clearly being set up for a future arc that will be closely intertwined with said major protagonists—as well as driven by a deep, internal conviction and strength that has persisted against absolutely ridiculous odds—

but idk. your loss, i guess.

hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would bang

aesthetically: gorgeous. but i am very ace.

hogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff

don’t harangue me for not calling lotor a slytherin in case you support that side lol, but i read a really good meta on this a while ago that i agreed with here.

(gonna put the rest of this under a readmore since this gets to be A Lot.)

essentially, one of lotor’s core traits is the search for knowledge and scientific advancement for its own sake. there’s no way he doesn’t love learning—he spent centuries studying a culture that was extinct, a culture that by any imperialistic measures was worthless and weak because it opposed the empire and it was destroyed. one could hardly believe he began searching for the last remnants of altea for power or ambition. he studied them because he wanted to, for the sake of it, to connect to something that’s part of him.

in a lot of ways, he does exemplify slytherin traits—he can be exceptionally ruthless when he believes he or things/people he cares about are threatened, he is unusually preoccupied with a need for power and control, and his goals could be considered lofty and ambitious. however, much of these traits and desires can easily be linked to his trauma. one might make an argument that he’s still similar enough to honerva to qualify as a slytherin, but personally i think the story sets him up as opposing haggar without hypocrisy in too many ways to be persuaded.

(honerva wanted to continue her research despite the risks, endangering an entire planet and potentially the universe, because she saw the research as empowering. she saw her research—her own ambitions—as more important than anything else, and abandoned ethics like some burdensome shackle. but lotor is seen multiple times as unwilling to endanger people and planets for his goals without either being reasonably assured of their survival (such as voltron) or their consent. he despises cruelty and the taking away of others’ agency.)

in an ideal world, i think lotor would be an obvious ravenclaw. but his trauma has encouraged him to act like a slytherin.

best quality:

superficially: HIS NERDINESS. as soon as lotor started talking about ancient ruins, learning other cultures’ customs, and rattled off an entire poem he memorized off some old-ass cave wall he probably saw like 3 centuries before, i was absolutely done for. i had been trying to maintain my skepticism of him for skepticism’s sake, but god. you can’t just throw a goddamn archaeologist in my face and expect me to not fall deeply in love.

more seriously: i love lotor’s conviction. lotor has a strong sense of self, morality, and personal drive, especially for someone with his experiences.

he accepts and embraces both sides of his heritage as defining parts of who he is. in an empire that despises altean blood, he wields an altean broadsword, spends centuries studying what’s left of the culture, and openly admires the peace, people, and traditions of altea past. and in a castle of paladins and alteans, he demands to be judged “by [his] actions, rather than [the] preconceptions of [his] race,” knowing full well that team voltron perceives him as galra, and failing to inform them of his altean blood despite the clear benefits that would’ve come from doing so.

he has a code of conduct that’s repeatedly shown in sharp contrast to the ideals of the empire—even from his very introduction, when he stands in front of an entire arena of galran soldiers and refuses to compromise his own morals for a more rhetorically effective argument. lotor’s small, four-person team of generals (compared to the typical galran fleet) seizes an entire planet while killing no one and causing virtually no destruction.

he is also incredibly self-motivated. lotor has lived for centuries relying almost completely on himself, and he will ruthlessly protect himself and his own.

his inner strength is ridiculously admirable, and i love his self-assurance.

worst quality:

idk? usually ppl say flaws or some such here, but the problem is that flaws are more complicated than just “they do dumb things because of this adjective.”

also i love flaws. they’re born of the essence that makes a character who they are. hating their flaws is ridiculous.

with that said……..

fucking hate lotor’s hair. seriously, wtf? he can tuck all of it into his helmet and have it all fall back out nice and neatly. HOW. it’s the biggest lie of the entire show alongside allura’s bun. it’s just not possible and i hate that lotor defying reality just to look beautiful is Canon.

his butt cape. like akjhdkhgkghjgk,,, a genuine BUTT CAPE. for what purpose?? preference??? drama???????? i’ve seen comparisons to honerva’s own butt cape back when she was a normal empress-consort scientist on daibazaal, which makes sense since lotor loves making Fashion Statements, but god. a butt cape.

what on god’s heavenly green earth is up with his swordsmanship? the acrobatics and the flourishing are positively ridiculous. who the fuck actually tries killing a powerful emperor and their abuser by smashing them from above with a purple final fantasy sword like they’re the hammer and zarkon is a nail. lotor is unrealistic.

ship them with:

:)

recovery and happiness.

brotp them with:

his generals. DUH. it’s clear that they’ve had a strong history together, and it’s impossible to have their relationship end here without any sort of resolution or confrontation about narti’s death. let them reunite under conciliatory terms. let them be friends again. (and let sincline return.)

allura for sure!!! their relationship development has been beautiful so far and i want to see that continue.

coran. they’re both Nerds. plus, one of them got to experience a full and long life on altea. let them talk.

the paladins in general. it might be difficult, slow-going, and hesitant/full of suspicion on both sides, but god—just imagine if they were friendly. (plus it would do worlds of good for lotor. he’s a lonely man, and it would even more clearly distance him from comparisons to zarkon.)

the blade of marmora (and keith). the show has said nothing so far, but i refuse to believe that in the past centuries, lotor and the blade have never interacted or crossed paths before. i can imagine why they would’ve been uninterested in alliance with each other, but i can also imagine what would make each appeal greatly to the other. let them interact. (as for keith, he and lotor have a lot of similarities. it’s real funny how similar allura, keith, and lotor all are to each other, really. hm.)

needs to stay away from:

haggar. she’s fake as hell and evil to boot. some ppl think that she’s reawakened some kind of dormant love in her for lotor after regaining more memories in s5, but that’s far from the case. someone who’s become and lived as she has for 10,000 years doesn’t suddenly care well about someone she’s abused horribly because she realizes she gave birth to them, and doesn’t suddenly become sympathetic in the good way because she’s “motherly” now. (not if the writing’s supposed to be decent, anyway.) she realizes lotor’s about to die and does absolutely nothing else except turn on the magic shiro television in her lab. she only finds out after the black bayard exchange has already happened, and she’s haggar. if she really wanted to stop what was happening, she could’ve done a lot more than just watch through shiro’s eyes. she’s a horrible person, folks, and lotor would do best to never see her again. (unfortunately, it’s much more likely that she will fuck his shit up some more next season. rip.)

zarkon. hopefully he actually stays dead this time, but i’ve seen some good points on how sketchy his ability to stay dead is. nevertheless, all memory of him deserves to be banished to the nether realms. lotor should never have to deal with that asshole’s legacy again.

misc. thoughts:

anyone who talks about lotor getting/not getting/deserving/not deserving a redemption arc makes me lose my shit because he hasn’t even done anything to warrant a redemption arc in the first place like tbfh. evil deeds whomst?? trying to kill voltron when?? where are these receipts of malice??? he’s never done an evil damn thing but y’all humoring the concept anyway. smh.

anyway, lotor needs a therapist, healing, and some good fucking friends. @dreamworks give lotor a recovery arc 2k18.

[1800-seungshine]

four o’clock.

member: ong seongwoo genre(s): friendship!au, fluff, angst...? (is it angst- idk but when do i ever know anything smh) summary: ong seongwoo doesn’t recall when all these anxious thoughts and problems began to cause him to stay up all night but his act of pretending to be okay has got everyone fooled. all except you. (paragraphed)  word count: 1.7k

the digital clock blares a red light. 4AM, it reads. 

all his irrational thoughts have come to invade his mind once again and he has become restless. there is utter silence throughout the room; there are no trees that hustle against the wind, there are no cicadas that chirp within the bushes and not a single sound can be heard. 

the only thing he hears is the sound of his breathing and it makes him feel suffocated. 

seongwoo doesn’t know when this all started but he remembers just trying to lay in the dark one night, eyes completely closed as he tries to drift off to sleep yet gloomy thoughts begin to cloud his mind and all the sadness that he had long bottled had suddenly made a return.

that was the first time he encountered such a depressing feeling and he had prayed that it would be his last.

much to his dismay, his prayers were not answered.

it came every now and then during times when he’s stressed or just really down, sometimes when he thought he was okay. every time it occurred, he would come to school the next day with slight dark circles and a forced smile, using the typical excuse that he had studied last minute and then further pretend that everything was fine by cracking jokes and being funny like he usually would. 

naturally gifted with acting skills, many people believed his facade; that smiling expression never faltered and not a single thing gave way that showed he was feeling otherwise. 

nothing showed the fact that he wasn’t okay. 

the uneasy feeling came around and once again, he had to put a front.

his act was going so well that the day had almost passed with ease but it was that darned english class that he had to face you, his childhood friend. 

and so there he was taking his seat next to you, greeting you in the best light-hearted tone he could make and a feigned smile that seemed to convinced everyone else around him.

you both had just recently reconciled after years of drifting apart that seongwoo was so sure you weren’t going to notice because you wouldn’t know much about him in the first place.

but people change in numerous ways and while he was no longer the adorably irritating child you grew up with, you weren’t the naive and oblivious kid he once knew either. over the time that you had spent away from him, your tendencies of observing people became a talent of reading other people and looking past that smile gracing his face, you stared right into his eyes. 

those eyes that showed pure joy whenever you used to play together, those eyes that softened you right there and then after ten years of never seeing each other, those eyes that genuinely showed how much he missed you after he pulled away from your embrace were the very same eyes looking back at you during that moment, telling you everything else that he’s been trying to hide.

ong seongwoo, no matter how long it’s been, was an open book to you. 

and he hated you for that. 

“tell me.” you finally say the words his ears didn’t anticipate. the class was bare, with only the two of you left behind and he realises that you were waiting for the right time to address it but seongwoo remains stubborn, that feigned smile still on his face. “what do you mean? there’s nothing to tell you and even so, i wouldn’t tell you because why should you know?” he replies teasingly, childishly poking his tongue out.

you let out a sigh, gently shaking your head as if you expected him to be stubborn; “whatever, ong.” you simply remark, grabbing his wrist and pulling him out the classroom as you two make your way to break. 

the walk to the cafeteria is mainly silent, as you two become lost in your own train of thoughts but your steps unexpectedly come to a halt causing him to do the same and you turn to face him, your hands on his collar as you pull him down to your height before cupping his face with your two small hands. “ong seongwoo.” you start off, a frown forming on your face, “do you know you’re really dumb?” 

this scene is almost too familiar to him causing him to freeze but it suddenly all comes back to him as he recalls how you used to do the same thing when seven-year old seongwoo would become upset, thinking that he got you mad.

and for the first time that day, seongwoo let out a genuine chuckle. 

you feel relief wash over you as you hear his laugh, bringing a smile to your face knowing that it wasn’t forced yet your hands remains on the sides of his cheeks before you decide to squish his face, “but listen, i’m not done- whether it’d be now or later, i’m here for you alright? i’m here to listen and i’ll try my best to always be by your side from now on so don’t try lying to me, idiot.” you say to him, earning you an amused look as he feels like he’s getting lectured. “okay?”

“okay.”   

so here he is finally upright in bed, the phone in his hand with his thumb hovering over your number. he feels like a nuisance knowing that he’d interrupt your sleep; he shouldn’t be doing this - he should handle it on his own, his burdens shouldn’t be yours to bear and you shouldn’t be worrying about his issues. 

yet he decides to press on your number anyway, bringing the phone closer to his ear while he anticipates the moment his call doesn’t get picked up. he knows it’s going to happen, who would even answer his phone call at this time? 

“seongwoo?” 

he hears your voice through the other line and he suddenly freaks out, not knowing that you would pick up, “oh...hi, y/n...” he starts off, taking a deep breath to calm himself down, “i’m sorry did i wake you...?”

“uh...well, is it weird to say that i kept myself awake by watching dramas just to wait for you to call me?” you shyly confess and seongwoo can imagine a sheepish grin gracing your face causing him to softly laugh. “why would you do that?” he replies, his worries slowly subsiding as you start to occupy his mind.

the thought of almost hearing the smile on your face makes him happier than he has ever felt for all the other times he had been facing the darkness alone, “because you’re my friend and you shouldn’t be suffering alone...y’know like....ride or die.” you begin before pausing for a second, “yeah, that sounded sweeter in my head but anyways, i’m sure you didn’t call me at 4am just to say good morning or anything so do you want to talk about it?”  

seongwoo’s smile somewhat falters at the idea of addressing the problem and becomes still in silence, thinking over and over again whether to tell you or not, “but i...i don’t want to burden you.” he sighs before eventually confiding to you, “i mean, yes i already have by making you stay up at night just to wait for my call and what if i never did call you? i just don’t want to worry you, i don’t want you to carry my burdens because it’s mine to bear and i’m sure you have your own to worry about...” 

he hears a few shuffling here and there from the other side before you respond with a frustrated sigh, “are you serious?” you rhetorically question before a smacking sound reaches his ear and he assumes that it’s you face-palming at him, “look, ong. i would much rather stay up all night for an entire year just so you finally talk to me, i would much rather throw away all the problems i have just to solve yours, i would much rather if i also carried parts of your burdens so long as i see you smiling and laughing genuinely again.” you explain to him, disregarding the silence you’re receiving from him, “do you know why i’d consider waiting for you, no matter what the time is? because i’m worried for you and i care for you. i don’t care whether it’s as long as the stupid crap that i’m saying right now and i don’t care when you say it but if i know that you’re actually okay then i’ll be okay. so please, please just tell me what’s wrong.”

those words that crossed through his head, paired with the mix of frustration and worry laced in your pleading voice broke him hence with no other choice, he begins to tell you all his worries and insecurities; the fact that it seems like everyone’s relying on him to make them happy, the pressure he’s getting from his family telling him to do better and enforcing a dream that isn’t his, the amount of anger, disappointment, frustration and all the other feelings that he had suppressed for the longest of time just to keep others laughing, the stress that he’s pushing onto himself and the anxious thoughts that run through his head. 

seongwoo had told you all of these over the phone through hours and hours of talking that you both had forgotten the existence of time till the sun had began to rise and the birds started to chirp. 

you both simultaneously let a yawn escape your lips and immediately laugh at the unison, “sleepy huh...?” he asks before earning a laugh from you, “yeap. i’m going to need a lot of coffee today, you want me to bring you some?”

“even if we just reunited a few months ago, you know me so well already.” a grin paints his face because despite the sleepless state he was in, seongwoo felt relieved and the prolonged heaviness that settled in his chest was finally lifted. 

and it was all because of you.

“well, i’m gonna end the call now, ong. so i’ll see you in a few hours...?”

“wait.” he quickly utters, preventing you to end the call. “i just wanna thank you for staying up with me all night and listening to me ramble on and on about my issues and i wouldn’t be feeling better if it weren’t for you so thanks, y/n. for everything.” 

“no worries, ong. what would you be without me huh?” 

“shut up y/n. it should be the other way around since i’m blessing you with my presence right now.” 

“aha! there we go, that’s the conceited ong that i know and love. glad to have you back.” 

“shut up, i’ll see you in a few hours.”

“sure thing. oh and by the way, good morning ong!” 

“good morning to you too, y/n.”

unedited.

somewhat important ramble..? hELLLOOO!!! yes, i wrote another scenario about ong ;; goodness i swear it wasn’t exactly intentional. i was planning to make daniel’s pick up line series as soon as i finished ‘ludic’ but this was actually just a thought that popped up into my head whilst i was cramming piano practice on a saturday night bc i didn’t practice all week (but guess who’s lessons were cancelled the next day?? this kid hahaha). so i was just playing the scales and then this weird thought of “how would ong look like as a sad lil bean” came through my head bc there are a lot of scenarios around that depict seongwoo as he is (aka the happy and fun guy who knows how to put a smile on people’s faces) and i’m really thankful for that because i want everyone else to remember the wanna one boys as happy and all-smiley idols but i do believe that we all have our dark times and i wanted to write about that so what better way for my whipped ass to use ong as the subject. i did however immediately stop the idea getting darker and angsty at that point bc i wasn’t going to cry while playing the damn c major scales. 

okay but apart from that though, another main reason why i also wrote this was because i actually experience these kinds of moments where my mind is just filled with constant worries and problems as well as insecurity issues that i bottle to myself because that’s what i usually do; i don’t want to express it so i rely on myself or like i type it on my iphone notes just to vent it out but lately i try to express it through writing hence why this is created. enough about me though bc my main point is, as much as i sound like a hypocrite saying this, pls pls pls if you’re ever facing problems and it’s taking a toll on you (no matter how great it is) please talk to someone about it; whether it’s your best friend, sibling, relative, parents, boyfriend/girlfriend, virtual friend and just any one who can listen to your problems and if not, find a way to express it such as art, music, writing, just anything that’ll help you take away the thought and help express it because it actually feels a lot better when you get it out of your chest. but yes, i know that i am not experienced enough to talk about this bc like many others, i have yet to grow and learn but i hope you know that it’s okay to lean on someone and it’s okay to cry every now and then. so don’t just rely on yourself bc you are loved and valued < 3 

omg omg i didn’t know the author’s note would be this long ;; huhuhu but if you’ve manage to read this entire ramble, i applaud your patience and thank you for reading it hahaha < 33 i’ll continue to work hard for you all and continue to improve. thank you for all the likes, follows and reblogs bc they mean a lot to me! next up is the pick up line series!kang daniel so uh look out for it sometime this week...maybe?? hahah thank you! 

[team-adults-blog]

4.02 Heavy Lies the Crown

More reactionary that the last one. Long. Buckle Up, Kids. 

Poor Ilian. But what a great origin story amiright? Tragic. Also appreciating the simple face tattoos that seem to be done by family? His brother had the same ones. It could be clan, but Mr. Ambassador later in the episode has dumb eyebrow arc ones (Octavia should stab him for that alone. Plus he’s talkin shit the whole episode). So those are my thoughts. If you reallllllyyyy want to think about it, it might be a familial tattoo passed down through the mother’s lineage because Ilian’s mom has the same ones too- more woman leaders and power on The 100. Digging it.

aaaahhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHaaaaaaOOOOoooo. And repeat.

KABBY SEX. HOLY BAJOBIEE. I was NOT emotionally prepared for this immediately after a commercial break. It makes sense, staging wise, but Look at him there in bed with heart eyes. Here I am sitting all heart eyed. Hot damn.

“You… are a terrible influence” Ok. So this is NOT their first time folks. Waaayyyy to casual. It screams we’ve done this before and we’re going to do it again >>I’m late to go see Roan.

One side of me is yelling FINALLY. The other side is glaring at the writers for this scene. Like COME ONNNN. After 3 seasons (maybe not intended so much in S1) of hurt and comfort, character growth, and angst, you give me this???? I’m down with the slow burn but you don’t get to (here’s my not great metaphor) roll the boulder down the cliff and let me catch a glimpse of the cliff it’s going towards (aka chipped Abby jumps Kane’s bones), but still have it be a mile away. And then BAM. The boulder is now gently rolling through some green meadow at the bottom of the cliff. I DON’T THINK SO. What I wanted: to see the boulder go airborne. Emotions have built to the breaking point. [cut to commercial] Boom.The aftermath. This scene following the break. A BEFORE AND AFTER THE EXPLOSION. THE FALLING OFF THE CLIFF. I’M NOT ASKING TO SEE THE ENTIRE JOURNEY FROM THE TOP OF THE CLIFF TO THE BOTTOM (this is still the CW, after all). I’m asking for pretty typical TV sex scenes. Where was the missing lead in?

At the same time, it is nice to see them comfortable and happy with each other. It doesn’t mean I don’t feel a little cheated...

THE RINGS. This is so so so so so soooo important. There was not a single scene in S3 where Abby was not wearing her and Jake’s rings on that chain around her neck. They’ve been setting up this symbol for a while in anticipation of THIS SCENE!!!!!! Kabby definitely needed to talk about Jake at some point, and this is how a lot of the fandom saw that going down:

a) Marcus sees the rings and feels guilty, and says something to the degree of “I’d never ask you to take them off” because. Respect. Or (this is more of the guilt part) because he doesn’t think he’s as good of a man as Jake was. Abby says he’s a good guy too. He’s changed. He’s grown. A sexy beard. But actually he’s a better person too.

b) Abby feels guilty that she’s betraying Jake’s memory, or pressure to take the rings off.

c) A Combo.

And the Winner is: C

Abby with a wave of emotion as she picks up the rings. Good ‘ol perceptive Kane reading her and knowing what/why she’s feeling this way, saying, “Jake’s a part of who you are.” AND PUTTING THEM BACK ON FOR HER. THE BEST GUY RIGHT HERE. THE ABSOLUTE BEST. BRYAN CAN SUCK IT.

Beard stroke. Kiss from the season 4 promo. A+ writing. Covering all the emotional bases. This should be 50% of the show in my humble opinion.

[later]

Dad!Kane and Octavia to save the dayyyy warn Roan about the dumb ambassador from Trishanakru. Dad!Kane needs save this boy from bad-tattoo-faced ambassador. What’s one more kid? 

[End of they day] Kabby reunites. “One simple task and I’m failing you.” You’re breaking my lil’ heartttt. Diplomacy is hard lil’ marco but you’re good at it. Give it more than once conversation. You have a great deal of experience dealing with stubbornness, remember?

The difference in their faces when Abby tells Kane she can’t help Roan. Kane, mr. perceptive, in the flesh is sad, but gets it. She needs to be useful, so she has to leave Polis and him, to go back to Arkadia. “to Clarke” THIS GUY. The best. He knows. He gets it. A keeper. Okokokokok. So Abby has clearly been staring out the window mentally preparing herself for this conversation and has shut down some of her emotions in preparation. Hence open but distant body language and face. Kane is sad. Ian is very good at that expression. and all of them, honesty. complexity is important.

He looks down. One last glimpse of the boobs, no doubt. Just kiddingggg. Who knows? He notices THE RINGS are missing and swipes her hair thinking they’re covered. NOPE. THEY  NOT HIDING. THEY GONE. “Your necklace…” AH QUESTIONING. IS THIS WHAT I THINK IT IS? Yes, yes it is. Abby decided to take them off while she was alone. That to me is key. She’s taking them off for her. Because she’s ready. Not for any other reason. She can’t say it. But he understands. REALLY NICE HUG. I want a hug that nice. From anyone really. Canon: Marcus Kane is an understanding mind reader which makes him a GREAT diplomat. Pass it on.

[Octavia kills bad-tattoo-faced ambassador from Trishanakru, I know his name is Rafael, but his nickname is more fun for me] Dad!kane knows his kids. Last season it was Boris hurting his heart. Now Octavia. Also kudos to him for knowing what’s up. Kane INSTANTLY is wary and looks at Octavia when bad-tattoo-faced ambassador is missing. The ways she killed him was really smart. He should be proud she’s becoming such a good assassin. She gives herself away though- she’s got zero remorse or chill. Dad sigh. Ilian knows. Echo knows. Rumors gon fly.

I like that everyone is doing what they do best this episode:

Dr. Abby

Problem solver Raven

Ambassador Kane being diplomatic

Badass Octavia

Clarke lying (lol what a drag) and also being a leader. Eliza has one pouty face so far this season and is it bad that it makes me laugh? I’m sorry….

Jasper calling Clarke OUT! and singing

Bellamy having to make the tough call. Officially back to Bellamy from Boris. Also being big bro to some random child 10/10. 

Jaha giving speeches

When the pacing is at a nice speed, and everyone is acting in ways that make sense for their characters to act. The episode turns out really well.

Other Thoughts

Who the fuckkkk is Riley?

Um. Bryan has a cool back scar and should listen to Nate more. His morals are iffy. Where’s Miller senior? What does he think about this boy? Why does Bryan try to get Monty to kill the grounder. Monty is better than revenge and you should know that by now if you think you know Miller so well. Don’t be fucking rude. #Minty

I wish my hair looked as good as Harper’s side braid and crown. Chelsey is a babe.

Poor Lindsey is fit AF and never gets to go run around with the adventure squad because Murphy shot Raven. Yay Raven being a reluctant leader and missing Sinclair. And being savage to Jaha. His ass suddenly became an engineer so he cout be plot relevant this season, smh. He was one before being chancellor. He’s smart, sure, and I can’t see him being in the guard or anything so it fits well enough. 

I dislike Jaha. Disclaimer: I dislike Isaiah Washington as a person. However, the speech he gave Clarke was solid advice. Isaiah’s good at playing pious/arrogant/condescending characters. This season, I would like Jaha to make himself useful and not run over everyone else’s opinions. It’s also important to point out that Jaha was chipped the longest, and while he did go looking for the CoL and probably thought taking the chip was a great idea, ALL of his actions while chipped should be seen as a chipped Jaha’s actions. We don’t know his character background as well as we know others. Because we know so much about other characters who were chipped and that they’d never do the things that they did, we have no problem going back to the way we saw them before. Jaha is an exception to this because 1) we don’t really know what he would do, so we have a hard time separating his actions. I personally think Abby is the best example of the separation. As a doctor, she’s against hurting people. Chipped she ends up causing physical harm to the two people she cares the most about on Earth (I like to think of Raven and Jackson as her adopted kiddos and the next two on the list, who also happen to be the reason she takes the chip in the first place #poorabbs) AND 2) lots of people dislike the character to begin with, so it’s easy to keep blaming him, as Raven does. If Jaha were to humble himself and offer good guidance, I could see his character making a comeback.

The episode title is a misquote of Shakespeare and I find it so satisfying that Thelonious frickin Jaha, mr. pretentious, fucks that up. (He’s the one who actually says the line- to Clarke)

4.01: Lexa laid to rest. Respectfully.

4.02: Jake laid to rest. Respectfully. I hope Abby gives Clarke the necklace when she gets back to Arkadia. 

4.03: Wells? I think it’s still too fresh and early for Octavia to lay Lincoln to rest. Redemption path Jaha needs to talk about his son?

Next week: Dr. Abby goes to save luna and the boat people!

[little-lazylily]

This year hasn’t really been the easiest. Shit, I think it was one of the worst but thankfully there are people who stood by me throughout, some left halfway through, some I pushed away, some couldn’t last. Some decisions made might be regretful, but things happen for a reason whether you know it or not. Regardless, you can’t undo what happened. All you can do is to learn from it.

So, just a short snippet of what happened in 2018.

January

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I went to my first concert ever, and it was for Imagine Dragons (losing it) and honestly I did not regret my company for the day. And I freaking cried throughout when they entered till the end of the first song. Seriously. HAHAHAHA.

Also, it’s the first time I went JB with the clique or my friends tbh. It required more convincing than I thought, LOL, but yas, I’m so glad to have you guys around.

February

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I started talking to TW which was… HAHAHA. Oh well, everything is an experience aye?

It was a weird month where everything was so jumbled up together tbh.

It wasn’t that long since I got together with Da but it’s also when we ended. I’m so thankful that you showed me so much patience and understanding and took care of me throughout the semester and stayed by me relentlessly. I honestly don’t know how to tolerate me even after what happened.

March

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I started talking to Nic again because it felt right; that we could become friends again. We started hanging out and tried so many new firsts together, again. I wish I could feel the same again but it just wasn’t right anymore.

And my ex-girlf was dumbly back in Singapore for work, last I heard, she’s back in China again, smh. But I’m glad I got to meet you even if it’s for a while.

I met some friends in SMU and truthfully, we are kind of a shitty group in terms of classwork wise HAHAHA. Pulling stunts every time and doing work freaking last minute, it’s a surprise that we passed the module even.

April

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Sem 1.2 would not be survivable without Luq and I’m so thankful for you bro. He’s been there for me for whatever shitty reasons that makes me 24/7 upset, especially with all the exams and stuff. And he’s been filled with all my nonsense and bullshits, I don’t know how he’s still surviving being my friend HAHAHA. So glad I met ya.

And I met Jun, I liked him so fucking much guys. I can’t HAHAHA. Thanks for bringing me to my first clubbing session ft. Zedd. I can’t believe I was prioritizing guys again. Sigh.

May

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An important month of the year for my Chigga, THEAAAAAAAA. I’m sorry I kinda disappointed you with a simple plan to chill at the beach for your birthday, you had so many people to choose to spend it with but you spent it with me yas. I appreciate you so much. We’re just too damn ridiculous with our constant bullshits and I’m thankful that someone like you is around in my life.

Luq and I restrung a guitar for the first time while being scrub and doing it at a Coffee Bean outlet. Such horrible low ses lyf, just because we didn’t want to pay extra for services HAHAHA.

Also, Taiwan trip was a bomb. Sure I did not expect to go with MJ and it’s definitely weird but guys, platonic af. He’s always so understanding and tolerating of my tantrums and rage quits. Though he sucks at planning but HAHA at least he tried. Thanks for bringing me around and it was really enjoyable because I got to travel alone for a bit as well, it was one of the best fucking experience.

June

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I knew this guy through OkCupid and it was just that period of like, “oh I’m bored, let’s find some guys to talk to to pass time”. Damn, ever since we met at KOI and talked bout shits, I don’t know why it was so personal but I’m glad you opened up. And I couldn’t wait to see you, it was a weird feeling and I’m really not against it. You went Artbox with me, it was my first. Worse, you tricked me into hugging and kissing you okay. HAHAHA, you were just really this adorable guy and I wasn’t expecting much for us to happen and my friends weren’t really supportive either because I ain’t ready for this shit. But for me, I just wanted to see where this goes.

July

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I realized you were a camwhore by now HAHAHAHA, I hate taking photos and you know it. It caused some issues between us but whatev LOL. I can’t. Deal with you. At this point. You were still so adorable and YOU were the one who stole my heart you shit. Tbh, really proud of you and what you were doing, all those relentless trainings for NDP and drinking of BBTs for free HAHAHA, fattie. You look damn suave in uniform and TOTALLY WERTH THE WAIT.

It was also a milestone for Xi Mum and finally got proposed to. I’VE WAITED TOO LONG FOR THIS. I’m so glad it happened, it was so freaking beautiful okay guys.

And a million thanks to my BFF who made time to spend my birthday with me. I’m just so thankful that it was spent with someone whom I love. There was so much chilling and new shits. Thanks for putting it out to cheer me and showing so much love.

August

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Jiamin is finally back in Singapore and the weird poly clique could reunite again, at least for like… a few hours HAHA. You guys are still weird af. Though we are walking different paths, I wish y’all the very best in the next to come.

And I met this weirdo SMU girl, Amanda. HAHAHA, so our friendship literally started from, “Eh you want go club tonight with us?”, and I’m just like, “Ya sure ONS”. HAHAHA, WHY ARE WE SO FREAKING RIDICULOUS. I think it was just FOMO but HAHA, she’s one of the best out there guys.

September

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I finally went to Teepee Hut @ Mr Stork’s, it was freaking great though my company wasn’t what I expected but okay.

October

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As the date comes nearer, I get more nervous, I have no idea why but yeahs, it was our anniversary and it still kinda haunts me. We used to go every HHN together, except for the last and this year. And yeahs, it was just our thing, and now it’s changing.

Also, it’s my BFF, Denise, birthday as well. It was saddening that she didn’t join us for HHN, I think she would flip and it would be the joke of the next century HAHA. BUT WELL WELL WELL, that spot is taken by Lixuan and Thea and HAHAHA, GUYS, legit damn funny their reactions.

November

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Finally brought the bae to Teepee Hut because, yas, he was my supposed company and he’s still pissed that we didn’t go together first. He’s still such a cutie, I really don’t know how he still holds it together and tolerating me LOL.

And woohoo, shoutout to my SMU marketing chiongsters. You guys need to stop staying up and talking shits about what, getting fucked sideways by a carrot, PLEASE GUYS. HAHAHAHA, what a joke ass bunch, thanks for making this sem a fun one. Love y’all.

December

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Finally, a break to take a short travel, ALONE. Guys, I might be addicted to travelling alone. Tbh it was abit scary because of all the recent events and I don’t know, it just isn’t a safe country LOL, no where is.

Anyways, another milestone for my ex-colleague, congratulations on finally settling down.

And yas, I travelled to JB with the bae. It’s his first travelling with just two people, CAN MEH? Such a group-oriented person. It wasn’t what we expected and I think shits got abit bad at some point but I’m so glad to go through this with you, though it’s kinda boring af.

  Overview of 2018 This year hasn't really been the easiest. Shit, I think it was one of the worst but thankfully there are people who stood by me throughout, some left halfway through, some I pushed away, some couldn't last.

[chefbstrikesagain]

Mid Year Break

The past couple of weeks have been a blast. No routine, accompanied by my closest friends, made for countless memories and little sleep. My holiday technically started on May 24 and lasted until June 11- felt like 3 months but was definitely a busy 2.5 weeks. The trip began on the morning of May 24 where Me, Martin, Joey, and the rest of the Sabah Gang headed to Kota Kinabalu to an early 4th of July party at the U.S. Embassy. We were extremely undressed for the event as we didn't want to pack super formal clothes. I sound ridiculous but dressing nicely would have meant backpacking around with dress shoes and a suit for the remainder of our travels. This resulted in sweaty me changing in a parking 20 minutes before the event into khakis in a button down. Sweaty and wrinkled I began shaking hands with people dressed in tuxes and needed a drink stat. Upon arrival, trusty old Janna had already scoped out the salmon sandwiches and wrangled down a waiter to get us all glasses of red wine from the open bar. After about 8 glasses, a passenger van arrived to take us to the airport for the start of our mid year programming. We landed in KL around 1am and it took another hour to get back to the beloved Dorsett Hotel. The Dorsett is where we spent our 2 weeks when we first got to Malaysia for orientation and holds a special place in everyone's hearts. Other than being extremely hungover everyday of programming, this was my favorite meet up yet. Fulbright let us do most of the talking and voice our specific problems. Mid year felt like a 'choose your own adventure book' which really helped people cope with specific problems they were having. After many icebreakers and a sleepless few nights I shared a grab car to the airport with Eleanor, Lissy, and Katie to make my 6am flight to Hanoi. Arriving in Hanoi meant that I was just 24 hours away from seeing my roommmates from COLLEGE. It has been so long since seeing them, or pretty much anyone from the U.S.. I spent the first day in Hanoi alone sightseeing. However, about an hour into my solo expedition I met a girl on a motorbike named Ming. Ming is from Hanoi, Vietnam and is a University student (or so she told me) in Pharmacology. Because it is her summer, she was looking for work taking around tourists on the back of her bike. She pulls up, offers me a helmet and an unbeatable price (10USD) for 3 hours of bopping around the city. She took me to local places to eat, explained the history of so many temples, and was a good pal to take selfies with. She dropped me back off at my hostel around 4pm and I spent the rest of the evening chit chatting and watching Netflix on the blazing fast wifi. The next morning I woke early, excited and anxious for Jackson, Rob, and Ang to arrive. I grabbed an uber moto to the airbnb which must have been a site. A 6'2 male with a 25 pound hiking backpack jumping on the back of this small Vietnamese man's motorbike. All in all I made it to the airbnb unscathed and had a few hours to kill. I was still pretty tired from all of our going out during mid year but a nap was not in the cards- I was just too excited. I laced up my running shoes and went for a short jog on the treadmill and then laid by the pool for a few hours. In what seemed like an eternity, I finally heard a knock at the door and APT. 6 was finally reunited. They looked, and smelled like hell but I was still so excited to see them. We chatted about the flight and the fact they were across the world for an hour before we decided to grab some local food and settle in for the night. Don't ask Rob about getting some of the local food. He was convinced we were all going to get Hep B the entire time. The next few days in Vietnam were a blur but included Vietnamese massages, local coffee, a trip to the famous Ha Long Bay, and loads of walking/sightseeing. We set off for Siem Reap on the 31st with our luggage in tow and arrived around 8pm. After Ang getting stuck in customs we found ourselves in 2 tuk tuks hauling down the road towards our villa. Tuk Tuks are such a fun way of transportation! We took them everywhere our entire stay in Cambodia mainly because of the price but also because they were everywhere. Our resort was beautiful and full of warm orange and yellow colors, fresh flowers, and statues of Buddha. We were welcomed with a cold cloth compress and fresh squeezed juice at reception. The owner asked us about where we came from and gave some suggestions (a full 4 day itinerary) on what we should do. We agreed that we wanted to do sunrise and before we knew it our alarms were blaring at 4:45am to go meet the tuk tuk driver. The first few hours of the morning were hazy. Our driver spoke almost no english and would just drop us off places and we would cross our fingers we would be able to find him later on. The sunrise was beautiful but a little disappointing to be honest. A lot of online blogs said it was a really spiritual experience, maybe if I had done it again it would have been better but between the photo shoots and the sweat dripping down my legs and forehead, all I wanted was the pool. We were 'templed out' by 2pm and finally made our way back to our villa where we enjoyed drinks and more food by the pool while we rested until going out that night. The night can be summed up in two words by my 3 pals 'puke city' and I'll leave it at that for their sake ;) It was an interesting time to be in Cambodia. They were undergoing elections and parades of people were campaigning in the street blasting music from cars and tuk tuks hoping their candidate would be chosen. Small business owners hoped for the opposition to take power as they promised more distribtion of wealth, while the reigning party kept their pockets lined. According to Uncle Google, Cambodia's government is extremely corrupt.. However, because of these elections, many bars and activities were closed due to people leaving to return to their villages to vote. There was also a city wide alcohol ban on the bars one night which led to us turning in early and catching up on some well deserved sleep. The next day was busy but involved ATVing through the countryside and rice paddies. Jackson found the tour and for 30 USD we spent hours driving through giant puddles and essentially causing havoc. Rob's chain fell off about halfway through his ATV which was unfixable out in the fields so he had to ride on the back of mine until a new ATV could be dropped off about 15 minutes down the path. ATVing might have been the highlight of my time in Cambodia- such an adrenaline rush. Later that night we were able to meet up with some of my Fulbright friends at a restaurant in Cambodia where fortunately, Claire snuck in a bottle of whiskey in her bag big enough for all of us. We spent hours polishing off the bottle between the 8 of us and made our way down the street to some of the clubs. Cambodia was where we spent most of our time but seemed like a blur, before we knew it we were up early (once again) and at the airport where our heavy bags caused some major problems. At the check-in counter Ang and I both got flagged because our bags looked overweight. I was able to talk the guy down from $40 to only a $10 charge by explaining I was a teacher in Malaysia and i've never had a problem traveling with my bag before. Ang, on the other hand, ended up getting a little confrontational with the guy who wouldn't budge. The ole American way of dealing with confrontations seemed to make bad worse. I don't think the AirAsia employee appreciated Ang taking photos of the man and threatening to call his manager. Honestly thought he was going to be kicked out of the airport- but our bags were checked and against all odds we made it through security. This was a low point of the trip for sure. We were all still feeling the night before and tried to remedy our hangovers with some coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Ang got a burger which I think ended up working out well in his favor. An hour later we boarded the most turbulent flight of my life. Jackson, Rob, and I respectively filled row 22 on our AirAsia flight to Phuket. Andrew, was moved up towards the front of the plane by himself which he smugly smiled back at us thinking he was first class- smh. About 45 minutes into the flight the seat belt sign turned on and the plane became turbulent. Before I knew what was happening it felt like we were dropping out of the sky. Jackson, Rob, and I were fighting back vomit as our greasy breakfast sandwiches and hangovers mixed violently in our stomachs. This turbulence was intermittent and just when you though it was over we felt our stomachs move up to our throats as the plane dropped 100 feet. We finally landed safely on the ground but when we got outside the airport we understood how bad the conditions were. As we were waiting for a taxi 4 Thai men and woman were holding a taxi stand down to prevent it from being taken by the monsoon that was only gathering strength. We arrived at our Hostel, Lub D, and made our way up to our room and we all posted up in our beds for a good amount of time still trying to recover from the flight. We grabbed food as the rain finally subsided at a small restaurant just a few blocks away where I enjoyed my first authentic pad thai! With our spirits lifted we made our way back to the hostel and formed a game plan for our short time in Phuket. Over the 3 days 2 night we were there we were able to go to a tiger sanctuary, have a beach day, explore the nightlife, and go to an all day event at an Elephant sanctuary. These were all unique and incredible experiences within themselves and I'll elaborate later but definitely some of my favourite parts of the trip. After what seemed like a week, but was only 2 nights, we made our way back to yes you guessed it, another airport, where we boarded our quick flight to Bangkok. Somehow Angus made it on the flight with 2 bags to our surprise! We checked into our hostel around 12:30am and had a solid sleep until we woke up to explore Bangkok. Claire and Kelsey, two other ETA's, were staying at the same hostel as us so we spent the morning at a coffee shop getting to know each other, and then set off into the city. We were able to see the Royal palace, the Emerald Buddha, the reclining Buddha, a canal tour, and even go out that night. It was such a busy day but the night seemed to last forever. After downing buckets of red bull and rum while listening to an incredible live band, we left for the 2nd best bar, according to trip adviser in Bangkok. Set 64 floors up, SkyBar Bangkok, was insane. Insane because of the views but also because of the 690 Baht drinks, which we seemed to have no problem spending.... Ang ordered a cuban cigar and we were actually living the high life. Our last day was sad and was mostly spent talking about our trip, prepping for their flight home, and we also got measured in case we ever wanted to order custom suits from a tailor in the city. We spent our last few hours in the bean bag lounge in our hostel awaiting the inevitable. After a long 2 weeks it was finally time to say goodbye. With the song yellow by coldplay in the background and the rain pounding the windows we hugged goodbye as the Uber arrived. It was a bittersweet moment but makes me really appreciate how good I have it in terms of friends. These guys flew across the world not only once but twice, to come visit and get a taste of what life was like for me. By the end of the trip I had a feeling that they were ready to go as the sleep deprivation and 2 week bender had finally started to set in for everyone. With runny noses and giant backpacks they set off for the final leg of the trip- the ride home. Having these 3 visit was a huge mental relief for me. Being gone from home for 5 really begins to take a toll on you and don't realize how caught up in life you get while over here. They reminded me of what is important and that I need to finish strong as life is pretty much the same back home - despite my fomo.