#finally watched the recent ep and went back for references

[lokh]

could you imagine if shuros uppercut ended up being a king hit and laios just. died

[puckpocketed]

you prob have but have you seen fowler’s helmet design it is such a delight

hello hi helloo!!! I am not a goalie guy or mask guy usually but you got me on a little rabbit hole :> i love a quick a lengthy afternoon research project!!!

Jacob Fowler has a few notable masks so i suppose we should talk about all of them? I'm not sure which helmet you are referencing so! here goes!!

First, to get it out of the way, Fowler wore a white mask through his minor/junior hockey career. I do enjoy the blank design for narrative reasons (underestimated and ignored btw. passed over in juniors drafts btw. if u even CARE!!!!) but i think this is prob not the one you are asking about. I am currently NOT in the mood for a deeep web search to find nice close-up photos of him in the gear but Bauer's official shop has Fowler's gear set listed here. And here is their shop image of the mask + a photo from Fowler's EP page:

link 1, archive link // link 2, archive link

I was gonna say, I do think its funny that they've put up an image with the wrong bar style. Bauer's photo uses the "grid" style bars (left) and Fowler's cage in the image features "cats-eye" bars (right), but upon further inspection Fowler DID use the grid style mask at some point.

link, archive link

He swapped from the grid to the cats-eye and has not gone back, and I'm gonna assume the discrepancy on Bauer's site has to do with what masks are certified by the Canadian Standards Association (CSA Group) and The Hockey Equipment Certification Council (HECC)...? Short article on mask certifications can be found here // archive link. tl;dr cats-eye bars aren't certified! Here's a fun youtube video I came across a while back about the history of goalie masks! (It's fully cited and sourced... beautiful..... really great material, highly recommend the watch if you have 30 mins free !)

and alrighty I think maybe the mask you were talking about was this one:

post by vicedesign on instagram. link 1, archive link // link 2, archive link

for those following along at home, this is Fowler's Boston College Eagles mask! Here is the instagram video where he explains it. notable facts under the cut because this post is getting long as HELL.

his first mask as a kid was an iron man design mask, and when it came time to choose a design he went back to that!

the host notes that the design is very on-theme for Eagles hockey colours, and that it's a "full-circle" moment <3 I just think that's neat !

the license plate on the back is a reference to where he's from; it's important to him that he reps florida because there's "not too much hockey down there"

The numbers on the license plate are for his mother's birthday

"take me home, country roads" quote is because he spent his summers in West Virginia!

The license plate is SOOO good. I love the colours, the little cartoon oranges. and speaking as a once-iron man enjoyer... LOVE!!! i think also the symmetry of having your mask art be a literal helmet is so fun <3 I'd like to know what city skyline is painted on the side but I fear this would never get published if I attempted to go down that research hole....

And finally, Fowler's most recent mask, which debuted at habs development camp:

link 1, archive link // link 2, archive link

post by pbkreation on instagram. link, archive link // second photo is screenshot of the instagram vid.

If you are reading this and haven't already heard about it or summarily been struck by lightning at the familiarity of the mask... Fowler has chosen to emulate the mask design of legendary Canadiens goalie Patrick Roy.

Here is one incarnation of this mask that Roy wore as a Canadien, for reference:

link 1, archive link // link 2, archive link

(super funny that he chose Roy, who notoriously did NOT end things with the Habs on good terms...) People took note of the mask the MOMENT he came out in it and I have . ough. MANY thoughts on Fowler's choice to invite the conversations, to evoke the past, what with all the Carey-Price-Come-Again comparisons. probably more on this at some point when i feel less unwell about it and have done more reading.

it's a really fun spot the difference game to me!! Fowler has the text running along the side, his name in that distinct lettering. The Habs logo on the forehead is updated but still in the same spot. the logo on the chin does not feature Fowler's player number the same way that Roy's has his #33. the bars on Fowler's mask are white rather than blue. The back of Fowler's mask of course features the Florida license plate!! <3 i really hope he keeps that motif for every mask he has going into the future. All in all, it's a tribute to the past, but it has a unique Jacob Fowler twist !

In this video he explains the mask. Notes:

pbkreations did Fowler's special mask for his Boston College vs Boston University match up

Fowler wanted to do something that represented his family's connection to the Habs! <3

Palm trees on the back!! FLORIDA BOY!!!!

it's a pretty close replica even down to the holographic 'les canadiens' text..!

he clarifies that the mask design is likely just for dev camp. when the host asks him if he'll wear it in a habs uniform, he diplomatically answers the question but avoids confirming that he'll go through with it (veeeerry communications major of him. lol)

Personally i am sooo charmed and endeared by his little florida license plate and his plucky invite to the hockey gods with the invocation of a legendary habs goalie. <3 jacob fowler YOU are goin in my pocket !!!

Anyway, anon thank you for derailing my entire afternoon (with affection) today was supposed to be a gifing day but I got very blissfully side-tracked by Fowler's goalie helmet lore!! Thanks for allowing me to test run my new sourcing/linking policies on a long post :3 hope this was to your liking!!

[blysse-and-blunder]

first commonplace book of 2023

monday, january 9, 2023 ~ 6:30pm pst

back ‘at home’ (parents’ place) after a lil trip to see family, during which our flight was cancelled (us and the rest of the world) and we consequently got to spend a total of like 48 hours in the car roundtrip. new year’s at the shore was nice though, and so was roadtrip tunes and reading aloud and the very epic puzzle the family completed.

reading i’m juggling a couple of hot library loans right now, trying to finish them before the loan periods expire while also balancing each one’s tone and vibe etc. so it’s the monster baru cormorant (seth dickinson) when i wake up, maybe you should talk to someone (lori gottlieb) during the day, and the last graduate (naomi novik) at bedtime, in what is a really weird stylistic and emotional smorgasbord now that i look at it... insights and observations to come later when i can focus on one specifically. also, big shoutout to the free knidle download of lord peter wimsey mysteries i already had, and to dorothy l. sayers’ way with words and her ridiculous delightful sweet fop of an amateur detective (and no i don’t mean benoit) who collects medieval manuscripts and quotes poetry every so often mid-sentence while periodically having intense wwi ptsd. every generation needs their fruity little detective, it’s a keystone species. reading this aloud to my mom in the car kept us both awake and discussing things like clues and the picture this paints of things like  early 20th century london society’s antisemitism and train system and newspaper/ print culture.

watching just went back to check the previous ilcb and while i did mention this show, i didn’t feature it specifically so: three pines, based on the louise penny novel series of the same name, now streaming on prime. my mom loves the books, and now we’re all loving the show, and alfred molina is absolutely loving this role he gets to play (and it shows). you may feel that the premise of ‘small cute town full of local characters where murders keep happening’ has been done already, and you’d be right, but there’s something about seeing quebec on screen like this-- and the indigenous community’s strong presence from the first scene of the first episode-- that feels different, and important. the music design and landscape are great, the themes are very honest even when details or plot twists (the whodunnit of episodes 1 and 2, and the tragic twist at the end of ep 2) end up feeling a little exaggerated. here are some good articles about the show’s attempts to center indigenous voices, bring topics like residential school violence and indigenous treatment by police to international audiences, and (arguable, but i respect them for the attempt) avoid white saviorism.

also, you may have deduced from the recent glass onion blogging that i did finally get to watch knives out 2 electric boogaloo.  things i liked about this movie: 1) the response to it/analyses of it/art and memes and edits which i can now enjoy having seen it (the one which observes that the movie itself is a fugue, seriously, i love how much everyone else has been loving this and it has made it so much better), 2) the celebrity cameos (yo-yo ma! hugh grant! stephen sondeheim!?) and watching janelle monae, 3) the visual palette and coloring and lighting and design choices, 4) PEG, 5) finding out at the end that it’s a beatles song reference. i think that i had seen just enough on my dash to have....overly high expectations in some regards, though not specific spoilers so i was still Not Expecting That.

listening got to play a bunch of my music in the car on the roadtrip, so here’s to my mom deciding she likes orville peck (more than hozier!? who is apparently too sad) and my dad enjoying basia bulat’s the garden, and here’s to all the audiobooks, and audiobook recommendations i got from friends, which i gathered optimistically pre-trip and still haven’t finished. so far i’m really enjoying t.j. klune’s through the whispering door (read by kirt graves), which feels both like a more mature and creative venture than his first book and which this narrator is doing a delightful job of (i think the sense of whimsy comes through better when mediated by narrator, it infuses depth/warmth/nuance into details that i think on their own might have rubbed me the wrong way).

and today i just finished listening to jeannette mccurdy’s i’m glad my mom died, which is a harrowing memoir but also was so riveting. she reads it herself, and again having her specific voice and delivery of some of the dialogue was so, so necessary and heartbreaking and occasionally hilarious, it really adds to the experience. major trigger warnings on this one for descriptions (detailed, visceral) of disordered eating, various mental health problems, alcohol abuse, child abuse, and painstaking personal growth. big shoutout to @dimir-charmer​ for recommending this one, i was immediately hooked, you were so right.

playing stardew year three, and i’ve bought a bouquet. her art exhibit was so nerdy, i loved it. just waiting for the right time to pop the question ❤️ (probably after my next house upgrade)(is this delaying a sign of cold feet, or just wanting to only offer her the best?? i’ve already got 8 hearts it’s probably fine but ahhhhh) 

i’ve also figured out (kinda) how to run celeste on this laptop! and immediately threw my poor sweet girl onto many, many icy spikes. again. and again. this one is not a keyboard game, friends, i’m trying lots of different key configurations to try and make it one but i think at the end of the day we’re going to need a controller of some kind. beautiful though.

making spent a lot of yesterday selecting and writing new year’s cards while discovering the power of the background seinfeld marathon, alkj;lkjalskdg asd and i have other art and or craft plans afoot since having been presented with a calligraphy pen and some good paper. baked a gazillion molasses cookies before the trip, but have otherwise just been sort of coasting on creative things lately.

working on threw together a haphazard conference proposal as a way to make myself work on chapter four, and after spending all day staring at it finally just sent it off with the same idea i’d had days ago (but which i thought if i tried hard enough i might be able to improve on. alas.) otherwise, still chugging on recommendation letter (ah) and reading friend’s chapters (ahh) and coming up with things to say for that thing in february (AH) and RAship hours. we’re back to the grind, baby.

[vermilionvector]

Digimon Ghost Game EP. 64

This is probably the closest Ghost Game has ever been to the horror it promoted, and the only one I had to watch twice in full because THERE IS A LOT TO UNFOLD HERE.

The captain of a ship named Toei 3 (I know what you did there) was seen hiding from a crowd before he himself heard mysterious chanting. Soon after, a staff and a police officer who were anxious about the ship's delayed docking witnessed the seemingly brainwashed crew approached them inside a thick fog, accompanied by a gigantic shadow looming over them. This giant shadow and the absence of music were extremely unsettling, and the decision behind this shot would be explained afterwards.

We then cut to Hiro, Nomura, Fukatsu and Gammamon going on a fishing trip (with Gammamon being excitingly adorable as always). But the ship that was supposed to bring them back to the shore was significantly delayed. Stranded on the fishing pier in the middle of the sea and without internet connection, they could only wait. I gotta say that the lighting of these shots were spectacular. It's really soft, subtle and atmospheric.

Meanwhile, Ruli, Angoramon, Kiyo and Jellymon attended the meeting at the usual Digimon gathering spot and discussed the recent soar in numbers of Digimons and the rumor of new disappearance with mildly bad internet connection. I'm both surprised and pleased to see Gumdramon who is one of my favorite Digimons here. He's as cute as always. I'm also happy to see Labramon and Floramon who were both featured in Digimon Survive again (but I still haven't finished the True Ending of that game yet.) I know both of them were Digimons that were released for a long time but the fact that they appeared together was enough to conclude that this was a Survive reference.

Later, a ship, though different from the one in the evening, finally came and picked them up. But before Hiro boarded it, he noticed a group of people blankly stared at them. While Kiyo's ranting about them not returning before the curfew in his room, Espimon leisurely tasted sour plums Kiyo had which sent shivers throughout his body.

Back on the ship, Hiro, who fell asleep earlier, was woken up by Gammamon when there was a commotion outside. They heard the mysterious chanting and had strong headache. However, Hiro quickly used the AR field to counter it. The body language when Hiro was struggling to activate the field was impressive. Really showed how much the headache affected his senses. Unfortunately, unlike before where the AR field expanded widely, it only surrounded them like a barrier this time. Though they were not affected by the headache anymore, those who were brainwashed were still after them, so Hiro grabbed Gammamon and jumped to a different ship to escape them. The shot where a normal rail became affected by the AR field was also impressive. A lot of details went into the production here.

Meanwhile, the city was invaded by the same fog, which also mystically teleported all affected people along with it and continued the infection. Simple blockades like doors were not effective as the fog could go through the seams. When they appeared, the environment shook as if it's unstable. They also kept chanting: "You'll understand eventually."

Kiyo and Ruli were able to escape thanks to Airdramon. After they heard the announcement to "return", they hurried to Hiro who were still at sea. On the beach, they encountered the afflicted, who started to transform into nautical green creatures. Here I thought Ghost Game could not top the body horror it had like in the Spiral or Red Eye episodes, but they proved me wrong yet again.

They then gazed upon the sky, and was faced with a colossal shadow, whose red eyes and mark glowed menacingly. Angoramon uttered the name with fear: Dagomon.

Upon this reveal, I understood why the direction of this episode was as it was. This Digimon was based on Cthulu, one of the Eldritch/cosmic horror created by H.P. Lovecraft. Its ephemeral form and non-existence throughout the episode until now was all to build-up its threat to the human, slowly injecting fear into our hearts without us even noticing.

Cornered by the transformed victims, Gammamon evolved to Canoweissmon to protect Hiro and attacked Dagomon. However, his attack was seemingly reversed when contacting the shadow and was counterattacked afterwards. Hiro who was backed to the edge of the ship was saved by HoverEspimon. Lamortmon and Thetismon then joined the fight, but was countered by Dagomon as well.

The situation worsened when the injury made by Dagomon had an underlying effect: hallucination. All three Digimons saw lots of tentacles coming out of their wounds and strangled them. I liked that the sky went back to clear blue as normal to differentiate between reality and hallucination, but it's also an irony that such a clear sky indicated that the danger was present, contrast to the dark sky which represented safety.

To wake them up, HoverEspimon poured sour plums that he ate earlier into Canoweissmon's mouth, who also got shivers down his spine and was freed from the hallucination. He saved his friends by clearing the fog around them, which also forced the real Dagomon to appear. It started to turn black and roared ferociously. At this moment, a black spot appeared on Canoweissmon's back.

The time limit ran out and Thetismon and Lamortmon were out. Luckily, Canoweissmon used his last juice of energy and evolved to Siriusmon and defeated Dagomon. However, the supposedly unconscious Dagomon suddenly spread its tentacles and attack everything around it. Luckily, the digital gate appear and sent it back.

After witnessing such a scene, Hiro and the gang were immediately greeted with Cthyllamon, Hangyomons and Blacktailmon Uver. Cthyllamon and Hangyomons helped rescued the humans to the shore. (Than you. You've learned your lessons.) Then, Blacktailmon had Hiro sign the tablet to receive a delivery, which was none other than Hokuto, his father, and Doctor Terriermon.

Just as everyone was having a sweet reunion and Angoramon was having his closing words of the wise as usual, the screen cut to black, the internet was down, and the lights were out. The holograms that we were all acquainted (and bored to see) during the intro sequence (which was absent here for good reason) flickered and vanished one by one. This scene hit me so hard because we've seen it so may times that it became a part of this show, and seeing it gone just like that was terrifying.

And it's not the only thing we lost. Suddenly, all Digimons shivered. The warmth akin to their life snapped into coldness of the dark. Jellymon cried, not knowing what happened to her. But in a certain hospital, Mummymon could surmise:

The Digital World.... disappeared.

The fact that they chose Eldritch/cosmic horror along with the disappearance of the Digital World was marvelous. Fear of the unknown has always been one of mankind's staple and probably the one hardest to conquer. The direction delivered on that feeling perfectly through interesting camera shots and ambience (with enough cuteness from Gammamon and other rookies to help alleviate that a bit). This is peak Ghost Game right here and I couldn't fathom the thrill I'd have if they manage to top it in future episodes (which, according to leaks, would end at EP. 68. So unless we have another season, we only have 4 episodes left to wrap up EVERYTHING. If anything, the next episode would be exposition heavy and that leaves us with ONLY THREE to work with. Those three episodes better deliver.)

The black color Dagomon transformed into closely resembles that of GulusGammamon. This also applies to the preview of the forest in the next episode as well. It mentions about how far you would go to sacrifice your friend to obtain more power and would likely play with Kiyo's alternate personality. It seems that whatever that was affecting Dagomon was related to Gulus. It could be a virus that sent Digimon World into ruin, and Gammamon could be the only one to handle it since he coexists with Gulus.

PS. I knew about evolved forms of GulusGammamon and read their lore, but I won't discuss it here.

[thatgirl4815]

Hi!! I love reading your analyses on KP, they are so detailed! I was wondering if you could do an analysis on the first VP scene in ep. 13? I feel like Vegas and Pete are in very different mindsets and that is evident in their dialogue and body language.

Hi! First, thank you! ❤️ Second, OF COURSE! :)

~ Body Language ~

There's so much going on in the way of body language and nonverbal communication in this scene, which definitely clues us in that VP have very different mindsets (as you pointed out). I answered an ask recently about the transition from Pete's post-sex smile in Ep12 to his less-than-thrilled expression in the opening of Ep13, but to sum it up, I think we're seeing Pete after he's had some time to process everything that went down between them and its dangerous implications. His expressions in this opening mirror his feelings later when he says "I don't like it. Then why didn't I say no?" To me, those two lines frame Pete's dilemma for the entire episode--the contrast between hating Vegas for what he's done and caring about him anyway. Pete is understandably confused by the fact that he's currently laying beside the man who has viciously beaten him. While Vegas acts tender towards him now, it's impossible to ignore the fact that Vegas has chained him up again (not to keep referring to other posts, but I talk about Vegas handcuffing/chaining Pete in more detail here).

Looking exclusively at body language, there are a few things to note. First of all, the camera always shows Vegas right side up, perhaps to mirror the fact that he's feeling on top of the world after what just went down, while Pete is reckoning with something. We can see Pete, but it's harder to distinguish what he's feeling a) because he's upside down and b) he's turned to the side. It's a small detail, but it lets us know that Pete isn't in a good head space. Lighting-wise, I think there's a unique mixture of red, blue, and hints of purple--with an emphasis on the red and blue. Red and blue are Vegas and Pete's individual colors, so the fact that they are somewhat distinct here could be a reference to the fact that while things seem okay between them, they're really not.

Back to how they're laying--I think it is interesting that their bodies are going opposite directions. It could just be an aesthetic choice, but it does create some level of separation between them even though they are still side-by-side.

Final note on this shot^: Vegas is folding his fingers around Pete's hand, but Pete isn't squeezing back. Vegas rubs his thumb against his palm throughout the scene, but Pete just lets his hand lay almost completely limp. Definitely not a coincidence.

At the end, we see Vegas caress Pete's face, and the lack of eye contact stands out. Vegas keeps watching Pete with a contented expression, while Pete looks at the ceiling. He's not fully in this moment because his mind is elsewhere, probably contemplating his situation and how he should interpret Vegas's behavior towards him.

~ Dialogue ~

The whole conversation is poignant, but there are a few lines that caught my attention.

My brief foray into KinnPorsche twitter brought me to an interesting point. Vegas’s hot-yet-massively-cringey line--

"Do you know how sexy you are?"

--could have some different interpretations. The question seems aimed at Pete’s physical appearance. Vegas could be unintentionally drawing attention to the fact that at this point, Pete is basically Vegas’s sex pet. We know that’s not strictly true--Pete initiated, after all, and Vegas was going to leave it alone otherwise--but it makes sense for Pete to feel bad about it in retrospect. Vegas is making a seductive compliment, but it just drives home the fact that Pete has just willingly surrendered his body to his abuser. It's almost demeaning considering Pete is still Vegas's prisoner; even if Pete had the agency to initiate sex, he doesn't anymore. (In fact, he only had that agency in the first place because Vegas gave it to him.)

V: "At first, I thought I was a freak. Until now." P: "You just have to accept and be true to who you are."

Pete really does sound like a therapist, and Vegas is his patient. But as this episode makes clear, their relationship can't be one-sided any longer. Pete realizes that Vegas treats him according to how he feels in the moment, for emotional projection. I think we're witnessing the gradual realization of this on Pete's side of things--it's only confirmed when Vegas lashes out later. Not to say Pete hasn't already gathered this, but I think the truth is truly setting in here. Even if he can turn away from Vegas and leave all of this behind him, there's no escaping the fact that he was intimate with his abuser. That simple fact is enough to leave anyone distraught and confused.

P: "What I'm feeling, that's all I think about."

This seems like a necessary piece of foreshadowing, as even at the bar with Tankhun, talking with Porsche, etc. Pete's thoughts are clearly elsewhere. He's felt too many conflicting emotions the past few days to suppress them so easily, and we see it creep back into his expression later on. It also explains his far-away looks in this very scene.

P: "Are you gonna say that I'm a good guy?" V: "No, you're just a fool."

Also a bit ironic for V to say this, as Pete probably agrees with him to a certain extent--he can't believe he actually feels something for a guy like Vegas...it makes him feel foolish. Pete's line is also important from a viewer's perspective because it highlights the fact that Pete is a good person thrown into a very distressing situation. The way Pete asks it so skeptically makes me think that he doesn't honestly consider himself a "good person," especially given the fact that he's--as I've said--just gotten sexually involved with a very not good person.

--

Okay, those are my thoughts! Thank you for this ask; writing about scenes like this is one of my favorite things to do! 💕💕 I'd love to write and read more as we head towards the end of the series.

[charthanry]

Because of the Pat headshake ask, it got me thinking about the fact that when they kiss (both in ep 5 and 11), have you noticed that it's always Pat pulling back first? I remember seeing someone saying it's because Pat get overwhelmed easily when they kiss, and I just would love to hear you take on it!

You guys are really feeding my ask inbox today and I LOVE IT! Keep it coming. So the post that anon is referring to is from another anonymous ask, you can read it here.

For me, Pat and Pran had three truly meaningful kisses during the series, not to discredit any of the adorable cheek/dimple kisses or all the endearing forehead kisses, but for simplicity's sake let's all agree that for DEEP kisses there are three.

1. Pat initiates their first kiss on the roof. And you're absolutely correct that he's the first to pull back, because he's unsure and NEEDS to gauge Pran's reaction. Is he gonna get punched? Yelled at? They just had an all-out fight downstairs, where in Pat’s eyes, Pran chose Wai. He doesn’t know where he stands with Pran. That's why Pran pulling him back in for that second kiss takes him completely off guard; he does not see it coming.

2. Still on the roof, Pran pulls him in for that second, deeper kiss. Anon, I've watched this countless times and I just don't see Pat being the first to pull away here. The kiss naturally comes to an end, probably due to a need for air. They both pull away at the same time. I will also point out that Pat hangs on for a few precious seconds longer. You can see it in him keeping his eyes closed just a beat longer, see his sigh of contentment, then his blissed-out SMILE. So if this is Pat being overwhelmed then yes, yes he is. Pran has stolen his breath away. He thinks he has all the answers now to fit the missing pieces together, their shared past, his recent realizations, it all makes sense now.

3. The beach kiss. I went to rewatch this before answering your ask just to be sure and again, I don’t see Pat pulling away first here. The kiss comes to a natural end. They’re looking intensely at each other and then move in together for another, deeper kiss. It’s all very equal and they both want it. Pat is the first to vocalize it by asking if he can kiss Pran. And Pran is the one who responds with, no, it’s my turn to kiss you and so he does.

Bonus: In the final end credit scene we see Pat singing Same Page as he lays a kiss on a surprised Pran. In this one, Pat is being cheeky so he does pull back to see Pran’s reaction. I personally think Pat gets off on getting a rise out of Pran though. We’ve seen it throughout the series with all the dimple pokes, head ruffles and chin boops. Pat is affectionate and Pran eats it up.

[tearsofgrace]

endings are hard... but they aren’t impossible

tldr; the good place fucking nailed the finale, supernatural completely and utterly bombed it.

tags: wc--4.5k, gif heavy, spn meta, the good place, supernatural finale, spn wank, all gifs are mine, if you read til the end there’s a pretty gif

so i recently finished the good place (i was watching w my family and we finally had time to sit down and watch the last season) and god fucking dammit that ending is FLAWLESS. literally flawless. 

and because i’m, well, me… i spent most of the time during that hour long finale thinking about how supernatural could have had even a fraction of that and avoided so much heartbreak. 

anyways. i decided to compare them. to REALLY compare them. to get into the nitty gritty of why the fuck the good place ending left me feeling, as the finale is all about, sated and complete. and why the spn ending left me confused, lost, broken, betrayed, unable to even enjoy my comfort show at all until a dear friend finally just watched an episode (8.08) start to finish with me. 

so without further ado (always wanted to say that) here’s the good place/supernatural finale meta that no one asked for

comedy

we’ll start small. both these shows have excellent comedy. in extremely different ways… but still

in the good place finale, the comedy was perfect. whether it was jason reappearing in the forest, michael trying to get through The Door, tahani reversing the “hot bod” bit on eleanor, every comedic moment was actually pretty emotional and added something to the show. they deepened characters’ meanings, added to their relationships, and made the audience think as much as they made the audience laugh.

in the spn finale… the comedy was the pie gag. the whole sam shoving pie into dean’s face. beyond this being… like meta as hell (the whole prank thing) it doesn’t have any depth to it.

and to add salt to the wound, this “hilarious” thing happens RIGHT AFTER salmondean have a conversation about missing jack and cas that is equal parts flat and infuriating. the brothers, in particular sam about jack and dean about cas, should care more. this is their family. and family is everything to them. but, no, by all means pie dean in the face.

last lines

this one IRKS me. okay. 

the last line of the good place  "I'll say this to you, my friend, with all the love in my heart and all the wisdom of the universe: Take it sleazy.” “All right.”  is ICONIC. okay?

it’s a reference to season 1 that doesn’t feel fan-servicey. it’s kinda honestly emotional cuz it’s like a message to us, the audience. it perfectly completes michael’s arc. it captures the light-hearted vibe of the show while also somehow managing to be poignant. you can see it coming like the second before it happens but it’s also not the obvious choice. it’s just. goddamn it’s good.

the last line of supernatural…. is… “and cut.” not even said by one of j2. i mean i know it’s a meta show but COME ON ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??????????

now i hear you shouting wait but that’s just the end of the thank you message. okay fine whatever. in that case the last lines are “Hey, Sammy.” “Dean.” (i couldn’t bring myself to gif that moment)

i’m sorry but. that’s predictable. that’s obvious. that’s boring. that’s flat. sure, it celebrates the bond between the brothers. but like… that’s not what this show is about anymore. it’s not just about sam and dean winchester it’s about what they’ve created. it’s about the world they’ve saved, the family they’ve made, about how they always keep fighting but nope we get bland, boring, coulda seen ‘em coming from miles away lines for the very end. that’s fine.

montages

the spn finale is like 50% montages that don’t make sense and are poorly done and not emotional

the good place has a montage of michael being human that brought me to tears

timing

here’s another short section. the good place finale was 53 minutes long as opposed to the usual 20 minute long runtime of every episode. granted, the fandom of the good place is very different, but STILL there was no documentary telling the fans things they ALREADY knew (there was a short special after the ep, but the episode itself was still far longer than normal). it was 53 minutes of plot. of really fucking good not rushed plot. 

the supernatural finale was… what 36 minutes long?? as opposed to the normal 40 minute runtime?? granted, we did get an hour long documentary of things we’ve all heard in cons and interviews a billion times so hey. take what you can get i guess.

character arcs

this is most of the meat of this meta. one thing we’ve all been harping on a TON is how they RUINED character arcs. soooo let’s go through and juxtapose some character arcs shall we

eleanor

eleanor shellstrop starts the show completely self-obsessed. she died getting hit by shopping carts while picking up margarita mix and let’s be real she’s a total icon. love her to death. she grows a ton, becomes one of the most selfless characters on the show, and starts to actually (jack forbid) CARE about things. it’s one of the most satisfying and relatable character arcs i’ve ever seen. 

it’s not just her selfishness either, her character is super multi-faceted and complex, and i feel like even in the end we’re getting to know her better. she’s afraid of commitment, always worried about what others’ actions will do to her, loves the trivial side of life, is queer as fuck (as acknowledged by the show in a way that’s not harmful at all but also isn’t explicitly bi/pan/unlabeled/omni etc, allowing queer fans to see their own identity in her), and is all around a HUMAN BEING. her ending at the beginning of the show was her death. her stupid, trivial, meaningless death where she was, as she puts it, all alone. and her final ending ISNT that. yes, everyone goes before her. and i think that’s purposeful. to show that she’s grown enough that being alone in some sense is okay.

but she’s never TRULY alone. and in the end. the REAL end. janet is there. the whole time. because eleanor asked her to be!! she got over her crazy need for independence and simply asked for help. and eleanor dies an amazing person that has become selfless, has found joy in philosophy while still enjoying trashy content, has fixed her relationship with her mother, and has found a sense of completion. eleanor’s life ends on her terms, and it’s beautiful.

dean

alright. now just as you’re feeling all warm and fuzzy let’s look at dean winchester’s ending. you’ve heard it a million times, so i’ll be brief. dean was raised to be a hunter, a soldier, a killing machine with no feelings and no purpose. he was raised to die scared on a hunt, his life over because of some mistake he made because he will NEVER measure up. at least that’s what john and everyone else told him with the exceptions of some of his family (and family don’t end in blood). he started to accept that he didn’t have to have this. he started to realize that he could CHOOSE what his ending was. 

the beautiful thing is, we never truly got to see what that was. i personally like to think it’s similar to the roadhouse michael locked him in while he was trapped in his own mind. a safe place for hunters, somewhere he (and cas in my opinion, but that’s not important) could settle down and still be in the life. it would be an amazing tribute to jo and ellen, and just all around a great ending. he wouldn’t have to be scared, but he wouldn’t have to conform to some apple pie facade of normalcy. and ya know what?? say that he died so he could have peace i dare you. because dean doesn’t find peace until sam is there anyway so i beg of you WHAT WAS THE FUCKING POINT. 

dean winchester died scared. dean winchester died on a hunt. dean winchester died on one of john’s old hunts. dean winchester died not directly at the hands of a monster, but at the hands of a mistake. his mistake. dean winchester died without ever working through the trauma of his best friend in the entire world confessing his love in a final act of self-sacrifice. dean winchester died in a way that leaves a sour taste in my mouth and does not at all show the audience what he’s been through and how much he’s grown. dean winchester did not die on his terms, and he deserved better.

chidi

okay back to happy. chidi anagonye. by far my personal favorite good place character (don’t tell anyone i always say jason cuz he and i are very similar). chidi in the last few episodes is SO DRASTICALLY different than the chidi we meet at the beginning. he’s decisive, confident, self-assured, and it’s amazing to see. he’s not afraid of life anymore. he’s not afraid to make the wrong decision and forever alter his reality, because he’s okay with failure. 

at the beginning, chidi was so petrified of life that… it killed him. and in the end, he’s completely at peace with every decision he makes, even the final one. yes, he considered staying for eleanor, but that just shows how his moral code and his compassion for others is still very much still intact. it shows the audience that you can be confident and decisive without being a selfish asshole. 

chidi leaves the good place knowing that it’s the right thing to do. knowing without a doubt that his time has come. the old chidi never would have been able to fathom being that sure about something. it’s beautiful. it’s a development that can give the audience peace, can show them that this drastic of change is possible, and that chidi became a better person for all of it. chidi went on his own terms, and it was beautiful.

sam

… this one might be controversial… but sam winchester. god i hated sam’s ending. at first i was kinda okay with it. like, okay fine he got his normal life. but, really, in the end that’s not what sam wanted. he started to realize that he didn’t need that apple pie, white picket fence life. he didn’t need the wife and the kids and the backyard and the barbecues because that is NOT sam’s personality and i will throw hands on that. 

that’s not to say he doesn’t want some sort of romance, maybe even kids, but not in that way. he lets himself see that he doesn’t need to be defined by his rebellion to john. doesn’t need to be defined by going to college or any of those “normal” smart kid things because it doesn’t fit him. and that’s okay! but how does sam’s story end? it ends with a wife (that isn’t even important enough to show her face). with kids. with a goddamn white picket fence. we think he’s still hunting to some extent… but it’s not the arc we were led to believe would happen. it’s not this amazing leader sam that we see in season 12-14, uniting hunters and organizing them. 

he had SO MUCH potential and they throw it away on a vanilla ending that shows only surface level pain at losing his brother. he doesn’t even invite the rest of their family to the wake for fuck’s sake. jared did an incredible job. pls don’t think i’m saying he didn’t. but that script…. sam winchester’s arc was cut short. he didn’t go on his terms, and he deserved better.

jason

jason mandoza. the only character that has ever embodied my complete dumbass energy to the insane extent that it exists. he went to hell for his impulsivity. he never thought before a decision. i aspire to be as reckless as jason while on earth. but he LEARNED. he got better, just like they all did. and by the end of the show, jason doesn’t need to be impulsive anymore. much like eleanor being left “alone,” the show does a masterful job with making him be the first one to go, capturing his old impulsiveness. but he chooses to leave. he takes his time in deliberation, waiting until a feeling of peace, of completion, of well, ‘true happiness’ (sorry cas stans, i’m right there with you) has settled over him. 

the ending of his story is one of growth, just like all these characters have been. and the best part? the show makes it comedic in the most poignant and beautiful way, because it’s jason, it had to be funny. we learn that jason has been in the woods for like, eons, just waiting to go through the door because he wants to give janet a necklace. he’s learned to simply wait. to be at peace with… nothing. his torture was being a monk, but in the end, jason embodies those ideals. his arc comes to fruition in an extremely satisfying way. jason goes on his own terms, and it’s beautiful.

castiel

this one is gonna hurt like a bitch. castiel is my comfort character. he’s my role model. he’s me in a lot of ways. i love him. so fucking much. so excuse me if this is slightly incoherent. i’m actually okay with cas’ ending… in a way. because his actual ending as an on-screen character? perfect. self-sacrifice while coming out and professing his love to dean winchester. a little bit bury the gays, but let’s be real, it’s supernatural. and “happiness is in just saying it” has to be the most powerful way to think of coming out. it takes away the fear, it takes away so much of the pain that can follow. because the joy is in just saying the words.

it’s how this was treated on the show that makes cas’ character arc terrible (and we haven’t even gotten to 15.20). YOU CANNOT JUST IGNORE A LOVE CONFESSION. that is god awful writing and i will never change my mind on that. cas deserved his family to care about him. to at least address and be sad about the fact he was gone. jesus fucking christ after everything castiel deserved at least that. and then we go to 15.20. cas is in heaven. cas is serving god. cas is right back where he started. now, i’m coming off a little strong. 

if the show had decided to show us cas and jack in heaven makin’ the world a better place… i woulda come around to it. i woulda realized that that’s not REALLY erasing 12 years of character development and cas realizing that his whole identity isn’t just him serving heaven and isn’t just him being an angel and that he’s so much more than all of that and he could still be happy as a human… because really he’s with his son. but they didn’t show us that. they barely even mentioned him. and to me. that counts as a bad character arc. and i’m sorry if you disagree. castiel may have gone on his own terms, but they treated that beautiful sacrifice with disrespect and disdain, plus resolved his arc by putting him back where he started. he deserved better.

tahani

*deep breaths guys this is a long post i’m sorry* anywayyyy tahani!!! we love tahani obviously. let’s talk about her arc, because it always kinda bothered me. throughout the show, we see all the other character’s growing and expanding their knowledge of right and wrong. and, don’t get me wrong. we see tahani grow a lot. but she makes a lot of the same types of comments and shit like that. but it’s how she treats the reactions to those comments. by the end of the show, she laughs at the caricature of herself that the others see. she isn’t looking for vindication in name-dropping, she just does it. she is far less self-absorbed, and is genuinely interested in those around her. she fixes her relationships with her sister and her parents in a way that doesn’t feel forced and actually feels like a beautiful, healthy family reunion. 

she has a list and she does everything on it. it’s worth noting, that the things on her list are not at all what they would have been at the beginning of the show. most of them are humble “labor” type tasks, and all of them are in self improvement. tahani’s end on the show is not the same as everyone else’s. she realizes that she doesn’t need to be done. that there doesn’t have to be an end to self-improvement. and she becomes an architect. the writers perfectly embody her transformation from a self-obsessed rich girl who has never done a thing for herself and laughs at the lower-class to a down-to-earth worker that simply doesn’t want the journey to end. 

it’s incredible how perfectly the writers were able to close off these character arc’s without it feeling forced, and without ignoring their character development. imagine that. tahani chooses her own way, and it’s beautiful.

jack

jack’s ending may be the only one that i’ve actually somewhat come to terms with. it’s not terrible. it’s not great. but it’s not nearly as bad. because ignoring that awful monologue about every drop of rain and shit, jack really does end up helping people. he ends up doing something that he loves and that makes the world a better place. and he doesn’t lose his personality in it. but. i dunno, that’s still his destiny, right? to create paradise. and this is a show about ripping up the rule book, about choosing free will above all else… so to have every single character just fulfill their destiny is cheap. 

still… i’ll try to be unbiased. because really at the beginning of jack’s time on the show, he’s unsure what he wants. and at least, in the end, he’s sure. he has a wisdom that he’s always had but he’s now using. and i’m good with that. but what’s NOT okay about jack’s ending is the lack of on-screen family. jack learns that family is important. sam, cas, dean those are the people he cares about. and you’re telling me he would just NEVER see them again? and be okay with that? i know he rebuilds heaven with cas, but we don’t even get a story about him rescuing cas from the empty. and he seems in 15.19 to not be that concerned about it (after the amazing emotional scene at the beginning). jack should have cared about his family. he did. but they ruined that for him. so jack kline deserved better.

michael

oh man where do i start. michael’s growth is the biggest on the show. i mean. he starts as a literal demon and ends a human. he gets better, he falls in love with humanity (*castiel fan in me sobbing again*) and he chooses over and over to be good instead of bad. his whole arc is a classic redemption arc, and every single beat just gets better. he chooses selfishly to side with humans but in the end it turns out to be the best decision he could have made. because he develops emotions, he develops compassion, he develops a moral compass. 

and his end reflects that. because to complete this arc of a demon becoming more human… he literally becomes human!!!! it fits so well. and he’s allowed to make mistakes and be happy and gain all that humanity has to offer. this just shows that human!endgame for cosmic beings that become more human WORKS SO WELL (and it shoulda happened for cas and jack that’s all i’m saying). michael went on his own terms, and it was beautiful.

eileen

oh boy… this one stings. because they brought her back, used her up, and we never saw her again. eileen was one of the best side characters on the show, and they rarely addressed her arc. she comes onto the show as a hunter seeking revenge, and gets that revenge in the same episode. her s15 arc is focused on what’s real and what’s not, with her relationship to sam admittedly being a central part of her character because… it’s supernatural and women can’t exist without that. but still! eileen grows throughout the show and in the end… we don’t even know what happens to her. it’s as if her arc wasn’t important enough to even glance at. 

it’s as if the connections the boys make outside of each other mean nothing when in reality they mean everything. they prove that the co-dependency is behind them and that family doesn’t end with blood and that real connections can be formed between people that last a lifetime. eileen was a disabled hunter that was shown to still be one of the best in the business, and they didn’t even give her the courtesy of a goodbye. eileen didn’t go on her own terms, and she deserved better.

janet

this is gonna unbalance my list but goddammit janet’s ending was perfect. she was a not-robot, not-girl that should have been incapable of feelings. but throughout the series we get to watch as she learns first-hand about human emotions and processes them. she cares about the humans in her charge and fights for them on multiple counts. 

in the end, we see janet come to terms with both her cosmic being side, and her human side. she never stops being with the “cockroaches.” she sees them all leave, she’s there for them while they’re there, and she also continues to speak her mind and live autonomously. janet was a non-human character done right. she lived on her own terms, and it was beautiful.

some honorable mentions

spn ignored (in the finale) chuck, amara, stevie, charlie, jody, donna, garth, bess, the other angels, claire, kaia, patience, alex, and the list goes ON in favor of focusing on JUST sam and dean. did none of those characters at least deserve a quick goodbye??????

the good place wrapped up multiple arcs i had completely forgotten about in a totally natural and not forced way. mindy, doug forester, (the mushroom guy, i know, it took me a second), pillboy, donkey doug, kamilah, tahani’s parents, eleanor’s mother, eleanor’s friends, chidi’s best friend, vicki, shawn, glenn, simone and so many that i’m forgetting all got satisfying ends that they totally deserved. 

they even fucking resolved FROG GUY’S arc and gave him a real frog. that’s right. frog guy (jeff) had a better character arc resolution than dean motherfucking winchester. 

heaven and hell

obviously in very different vehicles, both shows explore in depth the realities of the afterlife. and lemme tell ya, at the end of the day, one sits a whole lot better than the other. 

the good place finale ends this quest for the perfect afterlife by saying that everyone can improve and that an eternal paradise shouldn’t keep you from eternal rest. they pretty much make me wish that this is what our afterlife looked like. they handle everything with care so it’s balanced precariously in a way that doesn’t give you anxiety looking at it but instead fills you with peace and faith in humanity. 

supernatural addresses this series long battle between heaven and hell by creating a heaven where you drive for forty years without seeing the people (cough cough cas and jack not his parents) that matter to you and drink beer that tastes like shit. a place you can’t be happy or find any sense of peace until your brother has died and he’s there too.

and hell… well they barely even address it. there’s a new queen of hell i guess? but so what. it’s still very much heaven and hell in a way that’s the worst and hey plus to them… makes me wanna stay alive thank you very much. oh and purgatory is in shambles and not functioning properly cuz all that eve bullshit.

loose ends

whenever something is ending, you gotta tie up the loose ends. not in a “oh, we must wrap everything up and leave no stone unturned” kinda way but in a “wow, we should probably try to make this unambiguous because this is the last time we will ever see these characters” kinda way. 

the good place does that. so fucking masterfully. all these side plots with all these different characters were taken care of all while focusing on the main six characters. we get to see how their intervention has changed everyone else. for example, mindy’s arc is wrapped up perfectly, with eleanor going to save her.

plus different running jokes like “take it sleazy” are wrapped up, we revisit really old callbacks like the original neighborhood, and all of it feels natural and in the moment. it feels like full circle in a way that doesn’t erase growth. 

supernatural, on the other hand, left a million loose ends open. what happened to the boys they saved? where the fuck are jody, donna, etc.? did eileen make it back? cuz sam was pretty upset about that. what happened to it “being loud” in the empty? hell, what happened to the empty? what happened to hell? what about chuck? it woulda been nice to see just for a second what became of him. did charlie and stevie make it (i’m very invested in that relationship)? if we’re taking the original ending… why the fuck is jimmy there? did kansas just all,,, die? 

i’m not saying they needed to address everything… but god a few wrapped up storylines besides the brothers wouldn’t have hurt

coloring

can i just… real quick… as a giffer lodge a complaint

the good place has beautiful vibrant coloring in the finale

spn has like bland washed out whatever the fuck that is coloring. it’s not even the dark early aesthetic cuz they dropped that it’s just… ew. so. do with that what you will. 

conclusion

first… while writing this i realized just HOW MUCH it’s not about destiel… like believe me. i knew i wasn’t just pissed about destiel. but holy shit it’s not destiel at all like did i even mention destiel that much???? this was never about a ship. this was just a trash finale. 

in the end. the good place writers knew what they were doing. they knew their fans, they knew their characters, they knew their world, and they knew how to wrap it up in a way that was satisfying and sad and perfectly fit the tone of the whole show. it wasn’t out of character or rushed, basically every loose end was tied up without the audience even realizing that’s what they were doing, and i feel happy and complete having watched it. 

the supernatural ending was a betrayal. flat out. to the audience that has stuck by it in a way bigger way than the good place fandom. to the characters that have helped so many people. to the actors that have given so much of their lives. to the other members of the crew, to certain writers… all of it was just a slap in the face.

we deserved better guys. there are better endings possible. so i’m sorry. i really am. but i guess… that’s what fanfic is for, right?

[sometipsygnostalgic]

adventure time wizard city liveblog

 well here we go

my last adventure time liveblog, i havent actually done one of these in MANY years... probably not since 2014

this takes place at the same time as obsidian?

DID-- DID CHOOSE GOOSE JUST DIE

DID BUFO JUST KILL CHOOSE GOOSE

yeah i know that’s bufo, they only made it enormously obvious, tsk tsk

@spaceacepearl​ joked about us seeing choose goose get sent to hell but i diDNT EXPECT IT TO HAPPEN

This music is i assume by one of the many musical artists Adam Muto listed on twitter, it rocks. It’s not as hardcore as Obsidian’s intro, but it’s suitably chill for the scene. 

“get offa my bus kid”

Those wizards in the left and far right groups appear to be new! 

OH MY GOD--

HELP?????? NEW PROFILE PIC TIME

HAHAHAHAH

THE MUSICAL CON DID ME GOOD, I DID REALLY LOUD AUDIBLE LAUGHTER

i bet hanna and co had fun making these signs

my favourite is the cat with “FAMILIARS HAVE RIGHTS”

cadorka..... wow

We’re not even four minutes into the ep and peppermint butler has already killed someone in front of a large group of witnesses

“this smells of DARK MAGIC” “yall kids know thats illegal right” peps watches the other kids nod before later joining in, LOL

i cant believe pep started the great gum wars and got killed by golb

SOMEONE has been playing Overwatch... 

i-- i still cant believe choose goose is fucking dead

how long was he stuck in hell for, or was that recent to together again after new death showed up 

i have to admit im not a big fan of spader, too perfect, and not in that funny way either. i hope they give him some characteristics that make him stand out. 

im getting flashbacks to OK KO and Owl House here...

Cadebra using music is a reference to Abracadaniel’s love of interpretetive dance in Play Date. 

“they only laugh because youre different” “i know” “SO STOP BEING DIFFERENT” oh my god it’s like talking to my own parents cadebra is actually... a LOT like me, less in her hyperactivity but more in her nonchalant enthusiasm and almost acceptance of the inevitable bullying because it means more time in people’s consciousness

ahhh - it’s quietly revealed here that she is responsible and a skilled magician, she is just bored of magic! i like that she parents abracadaniel instead of being downtrodden by his ramblings. 

PEP NO--- oh i see the problem, he hasn’t got his Bug Milk... sorry Martin Olsen fans, no Hunson today. At least we get one more Phil Face for the road! 

candy people in their natural habitat

Ahhh that’s Doctor Calidoneus! The voice actor was at the recent Distant Lands panel alongside Pep and Blaine’s actors. 

“pretty sure hes just trashcandy” - i like you, sassy antler lady

the mystery of how he gets clothes

and once again spader is proving to be the most irritating distant lands character of the lot, there is no subversion here. where is the subversion?  

NANI

what is going on here? are pep and peppermint the same person or not? im sure they must be, but there is something going on here with peppermint butler’s soul being trapped in the body of his child self who hasn’t got the same memories. 

OH, HYNDEN WALCH DID A NEW LINE yes this is what im here for, special over 

peppermint butler cursed himself... of course he did - Shado was correct!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHAT THE FUCK

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

ROCK STUDENT, BLESSED ROCK STUDENT, WAS THAT POOR GUY WHO LOOKS LIKE A JAWBREAKER

love the reference to astral plane, of course pep cant astrally project because cursed pep is still inside of him 

wow, blaine, wow

they have a crush

LITTLE DUDE! COLE SANCHEZ!

i love the dynamic between cadebra and abracadaniel, imo so far it’s the heart of the special. im not really gripped by peppermint butler’s school troubles. i imagine someone else probably will be but i want to run past that shit as far as possible. 

TRDGFYGHJH

WE

WE MADE  A PREDICTION THAT WAS JUST LIKE THIS

PEPPERMINT BUTLER GETTING TURNED INTO THE FOUR COMPONENTS OF PEPPER MINT BUTT LURE WAS IN THE WIZARD CITY PREDICTIONS ART DRAW THAT HASNT BEEN POSTED YET

ILL SHOW YOU WHEN NICK POSTS THE VIDEO and then ill tell you who made the prediction because i... think it was nick himself, insanity 

who plagiarized finn’s signature???

turns out pep really DID take over wizard city!!!!

i love this band

i understand your pain peps

you probably have a bit too much in common with your mother, and i imagine it isn’t easy being turned into a kid and not being able to do stuff that came so easy. you’re disappointing yourself! (he’s literally disappointing himself)

I’m less than halfway through the special, what the fuck. I wasn’t wrong when I said Wizard City had a lot on its plate. It’s noit that I’ve been particularly gripped up to this point, though to be fair I didn’t pause at all during the other specials barring Obsidian. 

that... that poor kid is still a rock

and then the preview happened and bufo casually revealed to the audience that, yes, he killed choose goose

i dont know whats happening with pep but it seems he needs to be exorcised of... pep. which is a shame. i hope they learn to coexist. 

i have to say the background work in this special is really good! like, really damn good. 

WH

WHAT

DID SPADER JUST DIE

IS THIS WHY PEOPLE THINK PEPBUT KILLED HIM 

oh thats right - abracadaniel is cadebra’s uncle! this must be abracadniels sister. sorry, folks, he doesn’t fuck. 

Where are they? Is this anywhere near Wizard City? It’s an unpopulated prewar wasteland. 

THESE ARE JUST HUMANS

OF COURSE SHE WANTS TO PERFORM TO MILQUETOAST HUMANS

my child

is this an art style choice or did they get the people from that one studio to make this

HANNA FINALLY GETS TO FULFIL HER DREAM OF INSERTING KANEDA INTO ADVENTURE TIME

the red jacket he wears and his head pill shape is a big kaneda reference actually, which i suppose makes sense considering he’s a rival to our protagonist, but it’s a bit on the nose

bufo killed one of his own students? but why????

“MY UNCLE’S A COP”

“no one likes a rat”

i actually really like blaine, though im confused. did their VA change halfway through the special?

HOW NATURAL, NO WASTE, IT IS AN ENDLESS CHAIN

did doctor caledonius steal the trophy,,,? 

EVIL SNAIL EVIL SNAIL

MONMSTER HUNJTER DISCOVERY NOISE, this time it’s a tetsucabra

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I HAVE QUESTIONS

god i wish this is what this special was about, i miss adventure time

these remind me of the comics with their art style :) i wonder who designed them? the one on the right with pb and pep, in particular, very comics-y. 

fdgfhgf because he’s like 500

“pep can be kind of a jerk but he wouldn’t kill anyone”

sorry, cadebra, i have news for you

is doctor calednoius the true villain? if bufo’s out of the picture, she MUST be, 

ANTS

oh no, he might gbe stuck in wizard city :( 

HELP

the writing on the wall...

SPADER LITERALLY FUCKING DIED OH YM JESUS CHRIST

PEPPERMINT BUTLER’S OWN CULT????

THIS IS JUST OK KO NOW

okay im not surprised all the teachers at wizard city are cultists in worship of peps, maybe they killed spader and bufo because they bullied peps T_T

wait no, they thought spader had the potential, but sadly not

HE FUCKING KILLED HIMSELF

sorry, i was distracted by the pretty dope fight sequence and now the special is over????

fucking jesse, hes probably at least partly responsible for the cult nonsense

This credits art is by Maya Petersen!!!! Holy shit it’s adorable!

LRETGFDRGTFGMHGFHFG

LEAF MAN

DO YOU THINK THEY PUT HIM IN RETROSPECTIVELY

DO YOU THINK MAYA PETERSEN DREW THIS AND ADAM PUT IT IN THE EP RETROSPECTIVELY

HE LIVES

MAYBE THIS IS WHY CHOOSE GOOSE WENT TO HELL

okay, it’s over :) 

first thoughts out of the way: not a big fan of this special. it’s like watching a completely different show. it’s not got the PZSHAHH of the normal wizard city stuff and there weren’t a lot of funny jokes or even hearty moments in the thing. 

it suffers from a lack of invested character interactions, much like BMO did. there was not a single main cast member in the whole thing! and like i said before, much of peppermint butler’s character in the show is based on his very sweet relationship to his mother, princess bubblegum, so when they showed a single (hilarious) photo of them together it made me sad we didn’t get any scenes with them together. it would have STOLEN this episode. and they teased the hunson golf photo, and death!!! and jake appeared in a photo T_T last jake appearance. 

it also suffers because Peppermint Butler is clearly not himself, imo he was way more entertaining in the Together Again special, where we seem him back to his “normal” self. 

i dont think peps being a dark wizard was something to “kill off” exactly. i wonder what was going on there? was that actually peps, or was that a spirit he cursed himself with based on himself? we at least know in the future he does become a dark wizard again, and even princess :) this special didn’t answer those questions but lol. 

THE GOOD STUFF, because yes, there was a lot of good stuff! 

God, I’m with Aracle and Maya on this - I LOVE Cadebra and her relationship to Pep. I wish she was even in more of this - I would love to watch the adventures of Cadebra and Pepbut in their first year of school, like in the end credits.

That, imo, is where the heart of the special lay - Peppermint Butler’s attempts to impress himself, versus Cadebra’s self acceptance and desire to follow her dreams of being a goofy goober, no matter what other people thought of her. 

It turned out that Cadebra is a responsible student and family member. I really liked that. Her scenes with Abracadaniel were, somehow, my favourite in the entire special! 

I like that theres a lot of cool magic towards the end of this special, and a lot of HORRIFYING DEATH. It wouldn’t be adventure time if you didn’t randomly kill off child characters. Poor Spader, I hated you but damn, what a grim fate. 

I like that Bufo and Caledonius had this crush/hatred thing going on, but they were part of the same cult in the end. 

I didn’t like the giant peps scene at the end, the monster was extremely milquetoast compared to the madness we usually get in AT. Obsidian, for example, had the awesome Larvo design. Nemesis had some INSANE dark magic!!!!  I wish they drew more from that episode. 

Considering how much Steve Little appears in this special, I do feel bad for Mace (little Peps). He said he would have really benefitted from coaching, but recieved none. He had to re-record his lines 3 times! Judging from his description of events, Wizard City was a hard time for him. 

The wizard school did remind me, heavily, of both The Owl House and OK KO. Personally I was hoping AT would offer me something more insane, but I do love both of those shows, and I know Wizard City was on a really tight schedule. 

I think they should have spent less time on the school bullying plot, and skipped straight to MURDER. 

We did have a cold opening, not on par with Together Again’s at all, but damn!

I am wondering where I would put this in the watch list? I do think it should sit after Obsidian as the third special. The intro scene makes it clear this takes place at the same time as Obsidian!!!

Well, that was it, the last ep of AT for the next few years at least T_T

i think together again was the better finale, definitely. but wizard city feels pretty detached from AT for me, despite the familiar characters it tonally isn’t like the show other than the awesome brutal death scenes. I thought the last 11 minutes was easily the best in the special! Which, honestly, is how it should be, though I do wish it gripped me more. Maybe I’m just not the target audience for Wizard City? It feels like something I would find very compelling if I was a bit younger! 

[hunxi-after-hours]

Hi! I saw your post about the, ah, interesting music choices of ep. 54 and I have to say I'm so glad it's not just me. Like, am I crazy to think that they went to pretty significant lengths to mirror Mu Nihuang and Xiao Jingyan's relationships with Mei Changsu? I wasn't expecting that at all when I first watched it but starting about halfway through, the show kept being like "knock knock it's subtext time" increasingly loudly and I genuinely don't know what to make of it.

(in reference to this post)

okay! okay okay okay, I've actually been thinking about this recently, so here are some chaotic thoughts:

broadly--very broadly--speaking, the two 插曲 chaqu / interludes of the show are coded as following:

红颜旧 Hong Yan Jiu / “The Aging of Beauty,” sung by Liu Tao, our actress for Mu Nihuang: usually played over Mei Changsu + Nihuang scenes, the “love” theme

赤血长殷 Chi Xue Chang Yin / “Red Blood Runs Fierce Forever,” sung by Wang Kai, our actor for Xiao Jingyan: as far as I can remember, only played twice in the entire show--once when Mei Changsu is taken into the Xuanjing Bureau, once in episode 54. Generally speaking, associated with (waves vaguely) brotherhood, loyalty, and sacrifice

so you can see how playing the “love” theme over the scene where Mei Changsu and Xiao Jingyan part on the walls of Jinling suggests a certain subtext, while playing the “brotherhood” theme over Mei Changsu and Mu Nihuang’s final scene on horseback, overlooking the army’s departure, suggests another kind of subtext to their relationship

let’s be very clear about this: the subtext is there. That is absolutely a valid interpretation. Rest assured that the Chinese fandom was all over the Jingsu/Suyan/Shujing/Shuyan/whatever permutation you’d like relationship. I do think it is worth mentioning, however, that LYB, in either novel or show form, is not a danmei text--there is no censorship they’re deliberately trying to dodge here. There isn’t necessarily a secret agenda or anything from the showrunners’ side of things when it comes to making production choices like this.

Which is why I think that the editing + music choices in the last episode are a bit more nuanced than simply coding Mei Changsu and Xiao Jingyan as lovers, and Mei Changsu and Mu Nihuang as close platonic friends

Lyrically, both interludes are more sorrowful than sentimental, more elegiac than romantic. The central themes of 红颜旧 Hong Yan Jiu revolve around warfare and distance, parting and the inevitable passage of time. What I’ve been calling the “love” theme is actually more about the grief of parting than it is about love--the first four lines of the chorus are:

忍别离 / bear the parting

不忍却又别离 / even if you can’t bear it, you still must part again

托鸿雁南去 / I ask the south-flying swan geese to bear a letter

不知此心何寄 / but I don’t know how to send this heart

Seen in that light, with that particular focus, it makes perfect sense to play this song over Mei Changsu’s farewell scenes with both Mu Nihuang and Xiao Jingyan. It’s about the love he holds for both of them, yes--but the song, lyrically, foregrounds the tragedy of their parting rather than depth of feeling (though of course, the two are intimately interrelated).

meanwhile, when 赤血长殷 Chi Xue Chang Yin begins playing over Mei Changsu and Mu Nihuang’s parting, it follows closely on the heels of their final conversation, expressing the wish to be together, peacefully and tranquilly, in the next life. The song then continues to play over shots of the departing army, familiar characters--Fei Liu, Meng Zhi, Xiao Jingrui, Yan Yujin, Lin Chen, Gong Yu--all dressed up and leaving for war. Eventually, it comes back to Xiao Jingyan, visiting Lin Shu’s memorial plaque; this is intercut with Gong Yu, delivering Mei Changsu’s final letter to Mu Nihuang. 

Lyrically, 赤血长殷 Chi Xue Chang Yin isn’t so much the “brotherhood” (i.e. non-romantic) interlude as it is a eulogy for Lin Shu/Mei Changsu--much like the way 曲尽陈情 Qujinchenqing reads like an autobiography for Wei Wuxian in CQL, 赤血长殷 Chi Xue Chang Yin reads like a biography for Lin Shu/Mei Changsu, written by Xiao Jingyan:

战骨碎尽志不休 / despite shattered bones, his will never rested

且待赤焰归 整军再从头 / to see the Chiyan Army return, from the beginning

守我山河家国依旧 / guarding my mountains and rivers as they did before

I think what I’m trying to get at here is that 红颜旧 Hong Yan Jiu, and the scenes it plays over, are much more about the individual level of tragedy--the sorrow experienced by Mei Changsu, Mu Nihuang, and Xiao Jingyan at being forced to part again after thirteen years of separation. Meanwhile, 赤血长殷 Chi Xue Chang Yin feels much broader in scope--it’s no longer about personal grief, but about the immensity of sacrifice, the vastness of Lin Shu/Mei Changsu’s loyalty and determination, the inherent nobility and the immeasurable loss that comes from fighting and dying at war, far away from home. 

The thing about the relationship between these three is that they are never just childhood friends or betrotheds to each other--they are also comrades-in-arms, colleagues, liege-lords, patrons, guardians, companions to each other. Mu Nihuang knows Lin Shu so well she identified him on little more than instinct and a few scraps of evidence. Xiao Jingyan loves Mei Changsu so dearly he would’ve personally gone to war rather than let Mei Changsu stand in the path of harm. And Mei Changsu spends his remaining years watching them both from the shadows, keeping them safe, overturning an entire regime with his cunning and strategy. Whether we call it friendship, or love, or loyalty, the point is that, in the words of 红颜旧 Hong Yan Jiu: 

唯不变此情悠悠 / the only thing that will never change are these feelings between us

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression, radio version - Ep 44, August 2016 - Announcement of another live special, Pokemon Go, Palm reading/Palmistry.

Kaoru starts by saying that the details of the next 'special live broadcast' have finally been decided. On August 9th at 1am, they will do a two hour broadcast. (Only one this time, unlike in December when they did two). The title of the show will be, 'The Freedom of Expression Special - The best of the first half of 2016. Back stories from the other side of the world'. 'The other side of the world' referring to Dobashi in Brazil. All of the Tokyo Sports team will appear on it, including Kami. He has never missed a days' work but he should be on his summer vacation so it'll be ok. They will talk about some of the best stories of the year so far, and Kaoru invites the listeners to send in any of thier favourite news stories too. He had intended to play some more new jingle entries on today's show, but says he will play them during the live special instead, and finish the campaign there for now. He says he will be much more generous with handing out stickers this time, as he has only handed out about 5 since he first made them.

Next Kaoru mentions that Utafumi has been released at long last, about 3 days ago. Before the release date he was only able to play the promotional edit version, but now that the release date has passed, he is finally able to play the full version, so he goes ahead and plays it.

Next, Tasai joins them for the Tokyo Sports corner. Tasai isn't sure whether they should allow Hiranabe on the upcoming live broadcast. The theme of his fist topic is the game Pokemon Go, which was experiencing a world wide boom at the time. Tasai and Joe ask Kaoru whether he plays Pokemon Go. Kaoru says he does play it, but is not mad about it. He's caught about 100 pokemon so far. Joe does not play, and asks Kaoru what exactly it is that you do in Pokemon Go. Kaoru laughs and replies that he doesn't even know. Tasai then explains the concept of the game to Joe. He then goes on to say that despite its world popularity and massive gain for Nintendo, it has brought with it some problems. For example, there was a case in Miyagi prefecture where two Chinese people trespassed onto private land playing it, and there have been various cases nationwide of pokemon appearing inside nuclear power plants. Joe says misuse of the game cannot be ruled out. For example, it could be used to boost crowds at demos if many people gathered to collect pokemon. If you knew how to use it skillfully you might be able to manipulate peoples' movements. Kaoru realises the political implications of this if you could secretly get a lot of people to gather in a specific place, at a specific time. Tasai also adds that China and Russia are both worried about the app, because they fear the images caught on the app might reveal military secrets if they are shared overseas. He also doesn't like the way salarymen in Japan hold thier phones up at odd angles in the street while playing this game. Its a bit scary. He doesn't want to end up getting caught in thier images. Kaoru mentions a collab bewteen Pokemon Go and First of the North Star, and Tasai says it would be pretty bad if a Kenshiro appeared outside your house and a crowd gathered to catch it. He thinks we need to be careful with this type of thing. Joe suggests the idea of 'Hiranabe Go', but realises that no-one is likely to download it.

Kaoru plays his next record, which is Cyndi Lauper's 'Time After Time'. He played this record because it reminds him of an anime he used to watch as a kid. The anime Midoriyama kōkō/緑山高校 had this song as the ending theme for its summer vacation broadcasts, which were aired in Kansai every day from Mon-Fri during the school summer vacation. Kaoru loved watching it. Joe has no idea what this is, so Kaoru explains its a baseball themed anime. He admits that he recently introduced it on his blog, so this is actually a bit of self promo for his blog.

Tasai's next topic is about the comedian Shimada Shūhei, who also happens to be a palm reader. At a recent event, Shimada had been asked by reporters about the kinds of palms he's read up to now. He answered that when he read the palm of the comedian Ijiri Okada, who is known for playing an erotic/pervy character (エロキャラ), he discovered that he had no 'erotic line/エロ線'(Girdle of Venus in English). In truth, playing this character is strictly work for Ijiri, he takes it very seriously as business. Shimada also had some interesting info about the life line (生命線) and Joe asks all the listeners to take a look at thier own life lines while Tasai explains. Apparently, if you have an extra line on the inside of your life line, you have extra strong vitality. Looking at his own hand, Kaoru says he does have an extra line. Joe does not. This is apparently quite a rare feature, and Shimada has only seen two celebrities who have it. One is TV star Kuroyanagi Tetsuko, the other is rakugo performer Utamaru Katsura. Both are pretty old, but still alive during this shows broadcast (Tasai hopes, with nervous laughter). Tasai then makes the others guess one more public person who has extra life lines. Joe guesses Hiranabe. He may have the vitality of a cockroach, but no, its not Hiranabe, says Tasai. After a few clues they get the answer of female wrestler Yoshida Saori. Yoshida actually has three extra life lines, making four in total.

Joe asks Kaoru if he's ever had his palm read. Kaoru says he has. He was told that his fate was to become wealthy. Back when he first moved to Tokyo 20 odd years ago, he went to visit a shrine for New Years prayer with a few people from the offce, including his boss (*Dynamite Tommy?*) and there was a palm reading stall at the shrine. So they decided to give it a go. The palm reader said straight away, 'Ah, you will be wealthy'. Kaoru says he is not wealthy...laughs from the others.

To finish, Kaoru repeats the news that a summer live special will be held on August 9th, he is a little nervous about broadcasting live again. He asks listeners to send in news or jingles for the live broadcast, then plugs his tour, and new single.

Songs - Dir en grey/Utafumi (Full version), Cyndi Lauper/Time after time, Dir en grey/Taiyō no ao. 

[buddiebeginz]

tw: child abuse/other references to abuse

Finally caught up to the current episodes of 911. I have a lot of thoughts on Buck and Maddie and their family situation from Buck Begins (and the episodes before it). From stuff I’ve seen around online I get the impression that most people loved Buck’s begin episode but it’s probably my least favorite of the show thus far along with Eddie’s ep. I love those characters but I don’t feel the show did their origin stories justice especially not when compared to the kinds of episodes the other characters had.

As for Buck’s story I was glad we were able to learn a lot of new information about his past, considering that was one of my big issues with Eddie’s ep that it felt like a lot of repetitive info we already knew. I’m glad we got to see what Buck’s life was like before he became a firefighter and learn more about his relationship with Maddie and that he had traveled a lot. Still as someone who grew up in an abusive home I feel like Buck’s origin story with his parents was handled pretty carelessly at points.

It’s kind of a common thing I’ve seen with shows though unfortunately. It just seems that most mainstream media doesn’t know how to handle abuse storylines (especially abusive parents) unless it’s storylines dealing with more commonly understood abuse like physical or sexual. If it’s abuse like Buck and Maddie endured where their life looked perfect on the surface but underneath there’s neglect and emotional abuse tv shows often give the parents an excuse (like they were grieving) and finds a way for the family to come back together at the end. Because they weren’t really “that bad”. But emotional abuse like Buck endured can sometimes be worse than physical.

It’s clear that Buck’s parents are toxic and that Maddie and Buck should both stay as far away from them as possible. I was really bothered by the scene with Buck and his parents at the firehouse. It felt like the show sort of absolved Buck’s parents of all their wrong doing and made it seem like they cared about him, like they always had when it was clear they never really did. They had him to save Daniel and when he couldn’t it’s obvious they resented him. I mean look at that whole thing with the baby box. That’s how little they cared about him. They didn’t even make a box to remember his important moments. Yes people can grow and change but they don’t do it over night and abusers rarely change.

I know there was a line Buck said (to Maddie) at the end about how he could forgive them because he’s never felt like he had a relationship with them in the first place so it didn’t really matter, which makes sense in theory but in real life that’s never how it is when you’ve grown up with abusive parents. You can try and detach yourself emotionally from them all you want but they’re still your parents, there’s still a part of you that will always hurt from never being loved the way you deserved by the people who were supposed to love you the most. Things like that don’t get wrapped up all nice and neat like like it felt like they tried to do with Buck and his parents. I am glad Buck got to express some of how he felt when they all had that dinner together but he definitely didn’t owe his parents forgiveness.

------------

The part I had the biggest issue with though was at the end when Buck went to see Maddie. Buck had every right to be angry and remain angry for awhile, at the very least Buck had a right to tell Maddie how he felt and express why he was angry and hurt by what she did and I felt like the show robbed him of that.

Buck walked in the door talking about how he had basically lashed out on Maddie because he knew that no matter what she would forgive him. It’s not Maddie who needed to do the forgiving it was Buck. Buck had trusted her his whole life. She had been like a defacto parent for all intents and purposes as his parents refused to be there for him the way he needed and now he finds out the one person in this world who has been a constant in his life (at least before he joined the 118) has lied to him about something huge. It makes sense he wouldn’t just shake that off. So for the show to just have him come in and act like everything is fine with him and Maddie I felt like was a huge problem and major disservice to Buck’s character and growth.

I’m not saying I didn’t want Maddie and Buck to make up, I definitely did. But Buck has never been good at putting his true feelings first and expressing himself. Buck has been selfish at times (plenty in season 1) but he has never been good about speaking up for what he needs and speaking truthfully to the people in his life about things he was dealing with. I mean he barely told Abby how he felt when he saw her again, he mostly stayed quiet and let her make it all about herself when he really should have been like “wtf why did you ghost me for no reason?”. Or when he didn’t tell everyone how hard he was pushing himself to go back to work and then developed a blood clot, or when he was scared to tell everyone he was seeing a therapist. He holds a lot back.

My point is if we’re supposed to be seeing Buck mature into a “better” version of himself he even said something about Buck 3.0 in a recent episode. How can that change happen if the show doesn’t let him evolve and let his relationships evolve. Even with the 118. I know they love him but I feel like they still see him as the hot headed screw up from season 1 sometimes. It’d be nice if they saw how much he’s grown too. (Not talking about Eddie. Eddie sees Buck more than anyone else does. He was the only one who told Buck he had every right to express how he felt and that he didn’t have to forgive his parents.)

Back to Maddie I think it was vital for Buck and for their relationship that we should have seen Buck tell her something like “it hurt that you kept that from me when you were the only family I ever really had (before the 118)”. I love Buck and Maddie’s relationship so I’m not saying I wanted some huge fight or for it to get drawn out on the show but I wanted Buck to express his pain and for him to call Maddie out on how wrongly she handled things. I know that she was also a victim of their parents abuse (not to mention everything with Doug) but that doesn’t absolve her from her lies to Buck once they both weren’t living with their parents anymore.

To be honest I don’t even understand why Maddie called her parents to come to LA. She said something about how because she has a baby on the way she wanted to reconnect with them but there is no connecting with people who are that toxic. And her need to connect with them shouldn’t have had to involve Buck if he didn’t want to see them. I definitely don’t understand why Maddie thought it was her place to tell their parents about Buck going to therapy especially without asking him. She told Buck that he should open up and tell them how he’s been feeling but like why? They clearly never cared about his feelings before and it was obvious when they all had dinner together they still don’t. At the dinner I didn’t like how Maddie seemed to be quiet most of the time or trying to just keep the peace with her parents vs standing up for Buck the way he did for her. At one point their mother got upset talking about the hospital and it sounded like she was going to talk about Daniel and Maddie stopped her. It’s like Maddie didn’t want the secret to get out to Buck either. Yet Maddie had no problem telling Chimney.

I’ve seen people saying stuff like no one better hate on Maddie. I don’t hate Maddie but I have a lot of issues with choices she made and the fact that it didn’t feel like she owned up to them to Buck at the end. It’s altered how I look at her and her relationship with Buck to a extent. Maddie lied to Buck even when she didn’t have to anymore. She told other people something that she should have only been telling Buck. She told her parents Buck’s business. She brought her parents to LA without asking Buck if he wanted to see them. She tried to excuse her parents by saying “they were grieving” . Grief is not an excuse to keep huge secrets from your children, to lie to them continually, and it’s definitely not an excuse to abuse your children.

I have empathy for what Buck’s whole family went through including his parents. I can’t imagine the kind of pain that parents would go through losing their child. But no child should have to bare the burden of their parents pain and that’s essentially what they made Maddie and Buck do.

I know this got pretty long but Buck is my favorite character I relate to him a lot, even more so after watching some of the current episodes. These eps about his family were just painful. I wanted to protect Buck because I felt like no one in his family was. I know what he was feeling in these episodes. Alone and unloved and like he couldn’t trust anyone and like no one in his family was on his side.

The whole montage at the end with Maddie and Buck which was supposed to tug on our hearts and remind us of this great bond they share as siblings ended up feeling kind of hollow to me. I think it could have been a beautiful scene if the show had used it after allowing them to talk about what had happened. It would have shown all they had been through and how they had grown and were moving forward. That they were all the (biological) family they needed and their parents didn’t matter. But since the show didn’t allow that kind of recognition the montage felt more like the show was saying we’re just going to sweep all that drama under the rug now it’s over and done with, here’s some pretty pictures. You don’t instantly move on from knowing someone you trusted lied to you your whole life. I just really wish the show would have done better for Buck in these episodes and better with telling a storyline about abuse. I know this is probably an unpopular opinion but I just felt like I needed to rant about it. If you made it down this far thanks for reading. 💗

[girlsbtrs]

How Being a Woman in Hardcore Helped Me Learn to Love Myself

Written by Jen Moglia. Graphic by Laura Cross. 

Since this is my first piece written for Girls Behind the Rock Show, I figured that I should introduce myself; hi, my name is Jennifer, but most people call me Jen. I live on Long Island in New York, and my favorite things include my cats, the color pink, giving gifts to my Animal Crossing villagers, and watching sports. Above all else, however, I love music.

I frequently refer to music as the love of my life. It somehow plays a role in everything that I do. I got my first iPod when I was five years old, stacked with everything from Miranda Cosgrove and Avril Lavigne to Tool and Deftones. Some of my favorite memories growing up are sitting in my pink and purple bedroom singing and dancing along to Paramore’s crushcrushcrush and Fall Out Boy’s Thnks Fr Th Mmrs on the local alternative radio station. I danced for 12 years, played cello for seven, and am currently a wannabe ukulele rockstar after buying one on impulse and starting to teach myself how to play four years ago. Even on the simplest, barely noticeable levels, music has been everywhere in my life for as long as I can remember; even now, I can’t complete a basic task without a song playing in my headphones.

Music became an even bigger part of my life when I started attending live shows. I went to my first concerts at age 10, seeing my two favorite artists - Nickelodeon boy band Big Time Rush and classic progressive rock band Rush - within one month of each other. By the time I was 15, I had been to my fair share of arena/seated shows with one or both of my parents, from Fifth Harmony to Fitz and the Tantrums to Alice in Chains. My first general admission show was seeing the Foo Fighters at Citi Field with both my mom and dad when I was 12, but my first pop-punk general admission show (yes, they’re different) came a few years later. I had the typical list of favorite bands that you would expect from a young teenager getting into alternative music: Neck Deep, Knuckle Puck, Real Friends, and State Champs. 

In late 2018, I was able to see all four of these bands for the first time, and I am a firm believer that it changed the course of my life. I met, cried-during, and eventually got the setlist for Neck Deep at Stereo Garden on Long Island in September. I sang all of “Untitled” at the barricade for Knuckle Puck at SI Hall at the Fairgrounds in Syracuse in October. I had my first minor concussion scare (yay!) before Real Friends’ set at Irving Plaza in New York City in November. Finally, I crowd surfed for the first time during State Champs’ anniversary show for The Finer Things at House of Independents in Asbury Park in December. After just a few shows, I had fallen in love with this new brand of live music that I had just been introduced too. There was something so magical to me about skin covered in sweat and Sharpie marks, feet hurting from dancing in the pit all night, and meeting strangers on line outside the venue who would become your best friends and know your deepest secrets by the end of the night.

After making some friends at all of the pop-punk shows I was going to, they started to tell me that I should get into hardcore music. I was hesitant at first - the heaviest thing I had listened to at that point was nowhere near the snippets of hardcore that my friends had played for me - but, eventually, I decided to give it a chance. I was bored and home alone with nothing to do one night over the summer of 2019 when I listened to my first hardcore album, Laugh Tracks by Knocked Loose. Immediately, I got that gut feeling that you have when you know you’ve heard one of your favorite bands for the first time. I knew that this was something special that I was meant to find at this point in my life. For the rest of the summer, I worked my way through the rest of my friends’ hardcore and hardcore-adjacent recommendations, with Cost of Living by Incendiary, Stage Four by Touche Amore, You’re Not You Anymore by Counterparts, Time & Space by Turnstile, Springtime and Blind by Fiddlehead, Smile! Aren’t You Happy by Absence of Mine, Bad to my World by Backtrack, and Reality Approaches by Harms Way being some of my favorites. By the time the next school year started, I was hooked, and I already had tickets to my first few hardcore shows in the fall.

My first hardcore show was in November 2019, seeing Knocked Loose at Webster Hall in New York City - fitting, right? They were on tour supporting their new record A Different Shade of Blue, which I had become obsessed with the minute I heard it for the first time. Although I was ridiculously scared of getting stepped on and breaking all my bones (yes, that was an actual fear of mine), I had the time of my life at that show. There was something about this newer kind of live music that prompted a cathartic release, one that I hadn’t found anywhere else before. As soon as the show was over, I was counting the days until my next one.

My love for live hardcore music (and live music and hardcore music in general) has only grown since then, and that story sort of ends there. However, I want to go back to that first hardcore band that I listened to, Knocked Loose, and the album they put out that first summer that stole my heart. I was taken by storm as soon as the first notes of A Different Shade of Blue rang through my headphones, but something was different about the third track, A Serpent’s Touch, particularly the ending; I heard a voice that sounded a little bit more like my own.

This song features Emma Boster, who does vocals for one of my favorite hardcore bands right now, Dying Wish. When I heard A Serpent’s Touch for the first time, though, I had no idea who she was. I was used to the aggressive vocal delivery of frontmen in hardcore, particularly that of Knocked Loose’s Bryan Garris, but hearing it come from her changed my perspective on a lot of things. It’s not like the song was super angry and changed its tune to be lighter once the token girl came along; in her verse, Boster sings, “I watched the venom / Overcome your spirit / Jealousy holds you now / Distorting your appearance / Bleed out.” These were lyrics that held the same intensity that the lines screamed by the men held, and they sounded just as cool coming out of her mouth. As cheesy as it sounds, it had never even occurred to me that women had a place in this new world that I had discovered. The audiences in the live videos I watched (and eventually at the shows I attended) were made up of mostly men who looked bigger and older than me. When I did start going to shows, most of the non-man population consisted of my friends and I. Emma Boster, along with so many others, began to open my eyes to the fact that a place for people like me existed in this community. It didn’t matter that I had bright red hair or liked butterflies or wore pink - I was just as much a part of this magic as the men multiple feet taller than me with tattoo-covered arms, and I belonged there just as much as they did.

As time went on and I got more involved in the genre’s music and community, I discovered more bands with women in them, and it only fueled this fire of empowerment inside of me. When I felt insecure, I’d watch live sets from Krimewatch, a hardcore band from New York City, just half an hour away from my hometown. They have multiple women as members, including their energetic badass of a vocalist, Rhylli Ogiura. Year of the Knife became one of my all-time favorites, and their bassist Madison Watkins became a serious inspiration to me; the way that she can balance killing it on stage and running the cutest, most pink apparel brand I’ve ever seen (aptly titled Candy Corpse) amazes me. Even some of the bands I’ve found more recently have had an impact on me. I started listening to Initiate last year when their EP Lavender came out, and their beautifully colorful cover art caught my eye before I had heard any of their songs. Their vocalist, Crystal Pak, is also a woman, and she’s insanely talented. Discovering this kind of representation in this new universe that I had come to feel so at home in introduced me to a world of confidence and determination that I had never known before.

When people ask me why I love hardcore so much, I often give the easy answer; “the music sounds good.” If the person allows me to ramble on for a little longer, the answer becomes much more emotional and cheesy. Hardcore taught me that speaking up for what I believe in is important, and if there’s something I’m passionate about, it’s worth shouting about. I became familiar with this when listening to one of my favorite bands ever, Incendiary (the second hardcore band I ever checked out), before quickly realizing that politics are a pretty common topic within the genre - it’s what this music was practically built on. The first time I heard their vocalist Brendan Garrone singing about police brutality and injustice on songs like Force of Neglect and Sell Your Cause, I realized that there is so much more to music than just sounding good.

However, at its core, the thing I love so much about hardcore is what it taught me about being a woman. Growing up, I was the loud girl with the personality bigger than the room who always had something to say and had a never ending supply of excitement about just about everything. As I got older, I was taught that this was not okay. People didn’t like how enthusiastic I was about everything, or that I constantly had new ideas and new discoveries I wanted to talk about. As cliche as it sounds, I felt like everyone around me was trying to dull my sparkle, especially some of the men that I was encountering on a day-to-day basis. Even when I started to come to terms with my big and bright personality, in turn also coming to terms with my own femininity, I was told that this wasn’t how girls acted. I had to pick one - I could watch Disney princess movies and wear Hello Kitty hair clips, or I could be outspoken about my beliefs; but never both. The women that I mentioned earlier, along with so, so many more, helped me unlearn these toxic mindsets. Seeing someone like Emma Boster take the stage and scream ferociously for a full set helped me see that I could be a girl and still be a powerhouse. Following Madi Watkins around on social media showed me that I could love bands like Year of the Knife and also love heart-shaped purses and wear pink from head to toe. My aggression and passion didn’t make me any less of a woman, and my femininity didn’t make me any less of a force to be reckoned with. 

So, at the end of this love letter to hardcore and the women who run it, I say this; thank you for teaching me that I don’t have to shrink myself anymore. It has made a world of a difference.

[twdmusicboxmystery]

Connections Between Nebraska, the CRM , and TWB

Morning Everyone! I wrote this last week and it jumps around a bit, referencing some old TWD episodes, a TWB episode, an a few other things. The biggest thing here is just making connections and showing that the symbolism is the same across all shows in the franchise. That all of them are connected. And that the writers are telling one, huge story, and have been since very early on.

So, while speaking with a follower last week, I ended up making some interesting connections. Nothing groundbreaking. Bit of a rabbit hole, but not too deep. ;D

But someone sent me something yesterday that said on the walking dead wiki page for the CRM, it says they’re based out of Omaha, NE. Now, they definitely talk about the Omaha location in TWB, but I didn’t remember it saying the CRM is actually based there. 

So I went and looked at the wiki page. What it says is that it’s part of the Alliance of the Three, and Omaha is one of their locations. The actual base of the CRM is still unknown.

But I started thinking about TWD 2x08, Nebraska, and decided to go back and watch that episode again. It’s honestly been years since I sat down and watched it beginning to end. I did, and I’ll come back to that in a minute.

(CRM Page HERE.)

A/B Theme

But further down on the page, it also defines the A and B symbolism. It says A = a strong leader who is spirited and willing to fight back. And B = someone who either can’t fight back or won’t.

But it also has a note under the A that says 1x04 of TWB confirmed that A also = Bitten. That seemed a little weird to me. I didn’t remember them confirming that for sure in the episode (we would have talked about it a LOT more). And Jadis called Rick a B, which suggests he’s not bitten. So I was like, Hmm. What’s this about?

Well, I went and rewatched 1x04. I really need only have watched the after-the-credits coda, since I’m fairly certain that’s where they’re getting this. (And of course let’s remember that anyone who is a member can update wiki pages; so this isn’t exactly a confirmation from tptb.)

In the coda, as you will remember, the woman is eating a sandwich and talking into a recorder about test subjects. All of them have an A before their numbers. And the camera pans over all of them, clearly showing bite marks. So, I’m thinking that’s where they’re getting that A = bite from. But to me, that’s not exhaustive evidence. I still think Rick was bitten, and I still think we don’t entirely understand the definition.

I COULD get behind there being two definitions going on here. One that they’ll acknowledge in the show as the actual way the CRM uses the numbers, and one that’s more symbolic that tptb will never confirm or deny. I mean, they did this with the A on Daryl’s shirt at the Sanctuary. And then there’s the A Sam had in 6a, and the A painted on FG’s church. Are we supposed to believe they’ll all be directly linked to the CRM in the show?

So, I’m wondering if the strong fighter vs weak fighter is how the CRM actually uses it. But symbolically, that’s where the bitten/not bitten comes in.

And you may ask, even if that’s the case, why would Jadis call Rick a B? I mean, he’s clearly one who will fight back.

But here’s the thing. When she had him prisoner in his blue skivvies in the yellow storage container, she wrote an A on the outside. So clearly, whatever it means to the CRM, she thinks he’s an A. And obviously he wasn’t bitten then. So either B does mean bitten, or else she’s just lying about him being a strong leader and fighter. Why would she do that?

I’m thinking about Grady. They saved Noah but left his father behind. And I’m thinking that given what we know of Noah’s weakness, his father was probably the stronger fighter. You could also argue that they saw Beth as weak and took her, but when they saw Daryl in their review mirror, they sped off. I think they only take vanilla people they believe they can control. So maybe Jadis said it because otherwise they wouldn’t have taken Rick, and she wanted to save his life. And because he was hurt and weak, his rebelliousness really wouldn’t have come across to the guys in the helicopter.

Boy are they in for a rude awakening!

So yeah, basically it confirmed nothing for me, lol. The symbolism is still clear as mud, no?

Nebraska

As for Nebraska, when I watched, I mostly saw more connections to what we’ve learned recently, about the CRM and the Great Britain theme (Revolutionary War) and such.

So, I wanted to specifically listen to what the guy says about Nebraska. I wondered if he could have ties to the CRM at all. I didn’t see any evidence of that, but there was still kind of an interesting hint. He was talking about how they’d met lots of people, who all had stories about where some community might still be functioning. And one of the things he said was that they met someone who was sending supplies via RAILWAY toward Omaha, NE. And that was it. They went on about Nebraska in a few other lines, so we’re clearly supposed to take note of it. 

But what we CAN now confirm via TWB is that one of three communities in the Alliance of Three is in Omaha. So, to me, this was definitely a very early, very subtle CRM clue.

(Clearly from the above pic, which is not mine, other people in the fandom are also putting these things together.)

I’ll give you one more small thing and then the part that gets kinda wild. His shark t-shirt. Um…Stafford Sharks, I think? And I know we’ve talked about this before in the sense of it being a water clue. But the Stafford Sharks thing is a real place that’s based out of the UK. Their website even ends in the “.co.uk” suffix. And of course there’s an 11 on the back of the shirt, which we’ve talked about for a long time and, as has recently been pointed out, MIGHT among other things point to S11.

So for me, we have the 11, a hint at the UK (Julia Ormond’s character is British and represents Cornwallis in the Revolutionary War template), and a subtle reference to where the CRM is, all in one person/conversation. And if this guy, at a broad level, represents the threat of the CRM, I think it’s important that Rick kills him. Yeah, Rick’s totally gonna knock the CRM on it’s butt by the end of the series. (Yay!)

But here’s the other thing I thought about. This episode is THE next episode after Sophia comes out of the barn.

Think about that. 1. Missing girl 2. Girl found 3. Hint at CRM    

Just saying.

TWB 1x04

As I said, I rewatched the entire episode and probably didn’t need to, but I was actually glad I did. If I had more time, I do rewatches of literally EVERYTHING right now. Unfortunately, that’s probably not going to happen just yet.

I didn’t nail down the TWB template until the final episode of season 1, so rewatching it, I’m just seeing things I didn’t pick up on before.

This was the episode where they went into the high school to get out of the rain, Silas and Iris dance in the auditorium, etc. And mostly I was focusing on the pairings. We picked up the idea of Iris and Silas being Bethyl proxies when we first watched it. That much was clear. But now that I know Felix = Daryl and Huck = Carol, I saw more.

They divide into 3 groups and what really jumped out at me is that in this scenario, Huck and Faith are together. If anything, because she goes into the CRM at the end, Faith = Beth, right? Which we talked about. So I was thinking about what I’ve said that Daryl and Carol will split up and Carol and Beth might have the first reunion, and kind of watching it through that lens. Nothing huge jumped out at him until…

…the wolf.

Remember the wolf that was building a nest and protecting it’s young and dragging walkers through the halls? I don’t even know how to interpret it in a forecasting way, but since TWD ep 21, where we saw Daryl fixing the bike and hear the wolf howl, it really jumped out at me. The idea that the wolf symbolism will return with Beth and be an important part of the story.

Beyond that, I think we MIGHT be able to take some clues about Daryl’s future arc from this little sequence with Felix and Elton, but nothing huge jumped out at me. So, I’ll probably have to go back again later, maybe during or after S11 as we learn more.

So yeah. As I said, very meandering thoughts and connections today.

Thoughts?

[ivory-sunflower]

Arty Art Things ✨

Hellooo!

I've decided to post some of the arty things I've done either recently or in the last few years, well the pieces I'm somewhat proud of at least. All my posts tend to be a lot more wordy than they need to be but hey it's what I do here!

Conchúr White

Anyone one who's been on this blog for a bit will have probably have seen me talk about this lovely Irish fella. The pencil drawing is actually a year old as of yesterday, I only know that because screenshots of me flipping out about Conchúr following me on twitter popped up in my memories yesterday. I think I'd sent it to him at about 3 in the morning (I was not in a good head space at that point in time), so probably not what he was expecting to see when he opened his phone in the morning aha

The biro version is much more recent: I got bored while sat at my desk and doing research about university courses, saw a biro, saw my old drawing of Conchúr, had an idea. I revisited my GCSE art techniques and here we are. Again, I put this up on Twitter and now (at the the time I'm writing this) when you google "Conchúr White" it's the third top image of him which is a bit mad really. I think I spent all of about 20 minutes on Conchúr but another 45 minutes on the words behind him. The words are the names of the songs on his EP 'Bikini Crops', he doesn't just really love the idea of Channing Tatum driving him around at night in a daisy print bikini... Well maybe he does but what he does in his spare time is none of my business...

TechDif

So I mentioned that the pencil drawing of Conchúr came from a rough patch in my mental health and this one is no different! In fact this one came from an even worse circumstance so we love to see it. I had a bad, bad time in July and this started as a way of distracting myself from what was going on in my head. Without it, I can't honestly say I'd still be here so even if the final product of this had been a terrible mess I would still love it for keeping me alive. However, it did not turn out to be a terrible mess!

Now that the origin of this is out the way, where do I start with TechDif? Unlike Conchúr, I haven't really talked about them on here (unless you count one brief post about Citation Needed) before so I guess I'll do it here. The Technical Difficulties are a wonderful group of 4 British fellas who have had their fair share of fun online and even before. They did a radio show at university together, which went on to become their Reverse Trivia Podcast, later moving on to a panel show called 'Citation Needed': and a game called 'Two of These People Are Lying'. All of which I would thoroughly reccomend, they're one of my go to things when I'm having a rough time. All 4 of them are excellent! Tom Scott (red top, blue jeans on the picture) has his own YouTube channel which does content aside from TechDif. If you're quite nerdy and like science, linguistics, computers, or any number of other things you may enjoy Tom's channel. He is probably best described as "The Moderator" of the group, much like a tired teacher he tries desperately to keep everyone on track with what they're meant to be doing, but usually it does not end well for him. Then we have Matt Gray (space top, holding an ice cream) who also has a channel away from TechDif stuff, he does techy electronic things and has a series called 'Will it Soft Serve?' where he puts all kinds of strange things through a soft serve machine. Matt brings a very specific energy to TechDif and I can't fully describe what that vibe is but I love it. Matt and Tom also share a YouTube channel where TOTPAL is posted and they had a series called 'The Park Bench'. Moving on to everybody's favourite Gary Brannan: Gary Brannan (SATIRE hoodie, glasses) and can I just say, what a fella he is! He's just excellent! He is the one that will argue and rip into Tom the most (not in a malicious way) and hilarity ensues. There are some episodes where he is absolutely on it, getting all the points and others where he very clearly has no idea and that's where some of his funniest quotes come from. Given how badly I was doing at the time I made this, his response to it on Twitter was so so lovely. I specifically remember one tweet where he said I'd made him happy and although it was probably a flippant comment, it just made feel alright for a bit. Yeah I might be feeling awful right now, but I've made someone else happy so that's a nice feeling. Then last but certainly not least, we have Chris Joel (buffalo check shirt, beard)! I would be lying if I said he isn’t my favourite... His sense of humor is the one I vibe with most, he can get rather dramatic in parts and can chat bollocks like a champion. He has absolutely no online presence away from TechDif and, like Rens from Temples, I fully believe he’s a cryptid and lives off in a tree somewhere. 

The picture took me about 4 days to complete, well 4 nights because I did most of it between the hours of 12 a.m. and 7a.m. - I remember watching the sun come through my window each morning. It’s made up of lots of little pieces, all cut out and stuck on; even the sky and hills are made of separate pieces of paper. Nothing was actually drawn on the piece of paper it’s all stuck on, it’s not how I usually do things but if I messed up one little but I could just redraw it rather than ruining the whole thing. The most tedious parts to make were Chris’ shirt because I had to draw each square individually and then join the as well, and cutting out the ban-hammer in the bottom right was surprisingly hard. Every single detail of the picture is a reference to the podcast/shows, I still have the plan sketch and reference list knocking about somewhere. I listened to a lot of true crime videos while making it to the point that certain parts remind me of different cases: the brandy now reminds me of Peter Tobin, and the big spiral thing reminds me of Tim McLean (very harrowing case) - sorry that fact is a bit morbid but interesting nonetheless. 

I did post this for a little bit back in July, but I received some rather awful messages so I took it down. Generally, Tom Scott/TechDif fans are lovely but there’s been a few that have taken a disliking to me for some reason so I’m hoping they don’t resurface again. I’m in a better head space now though, so even if they do I’m more equipped to deal with it this time.

Hozier

This was a quick sketch I did in April, I was getting bored with lockdown and decided to summon the bog man himself. There’s not really much more backstory than that, no poor mental health story, no fun twitter story - he’s just here. He’s vibing. I will say I’m particularly proud of his nose, I just think it’s one of the best noses I’ve ever drawn. His hand is okay, but I think that the hands on my Conchúr drawings are better. So there is the Hozi-Boi...

The Corpse Bry

I’ve talked about Bry on here before as well, I love him, he’s excellent, top lad. He is a living Tim Burton character, he’s 6′6, very skinny, and his legs are longer than my will to live. I was watching ‘The Corpse Bride’ a few weeks ago and suddenly had an idea and so ‘The Corpse Bry’ came to be. I gave him a little panda friend because the panda has always been his animal - he used to wear a panda beanie all the time and his album had a panda on the cover. Again, there’s not really a fun story behind this one, I guess it’s somewhat fun because it’s the first art I made after finishing my psychology exams in October so it was nice to actually have the time to draw.

James Bagshaw

Ginger talking about Temples for the third post in a row? it’s more likely than you think! I did this one last week, I’d had a bit of a wobbly day and had group therapy on Teams in the evening and I just couldn’t concentrate on what was going on and I ended up doodling Mr James E. Bagshaw, the glitter crying fraggle man himself. It’s a bare-bones drawing that I could definitely work into more but I’m happy with it as it is to be honest. I’ll be damned if I’m going to sit and add the individual bits of fringe to his jacket, just thinking about doing that makes me tired. Maybe I’ll get around to drawing the whole band at some point...

Alice in “Wonderland”

This one is from about 5(?) years ago, it’s not my typical style and was a “study” based on another artists work (basically i just had to copy this fellas work). I’ll be honest, this one has a sketchy backstory that I won’t go in to because it’s not exactly a nice one, and because of that I also won’t say who the artist is that it’s based on. Despite this, I’m still really proud of this one and I’m so sad that I never got this piece back after I got taken out the class. I’ve considered trying this style again, I’ve even joked about doing another Conchúr drawing in this style as a nod to my progression through GCSE art, eventually leading to Conchúr drawn in ink on music manuscript and stained with neon paint and dyes - it would be quite the project!

So this has been quite a lengthy post so apologies about that but life goes on. Similar to the vinyl post, I’ll probably add to this as and when I make more art. Even if no one is reading these posts, I’m enjoying making them so that’s the main thing. It’s just nice to document things and the feelings that go with them. 💕

~ Love Ginger xx 

29/11/2020

[sunsetinmyvein]

The Radio Station - Chapter Two - I’m So Excited

21st of August, 2013

  The email had come in from her boss about a week before the interview was scheduled – next Wednesday, Mathew Healy was going to be back on her show. A part of her felt kind of anxious about this fact. Since the last time they had met, the band had indeed taken off as she predicted. Their popularity was only snowballing and the man that she had the pleasure of knowing for a brief while was revelling in it (from what she had seen in other interviews, anyway). She tried to remind herself that he was very easy to get along with the last time, so this should be no different. And she had met some substantially larger names than The 1975 in her time at the station. So, her anxiety was therefore fairly unwarranted. Which begged the question about why she felt those nerves sitting at the pit of her stomach in the first place, just from knowing that he was coming back into the studio. However, there wasn’t any point in stewing over it, nor was there time to, because he was knocking lightly at her glass door before she knew it. His mohawk had grown out a bit since she’d last seen him eight months ago, but otherwise he looked largely the same. She had a feeling he was even wearing the same black jacket he’d been wearing before. Looking behind him, it would seem that he’d brought one of the guys with him that she had seen him with after their last interview. If she recalled correctly, he was their drummer.

 “It was Matthew, yeah?” She asked, trying to play it cool as she ushered the two of them inside. She hoped that it wouldn’t be apparent too quickly that she had been watching The 1975's movements closely since they’d met. Though, if Matthew was as clued on this time as he was the last time they’d spoke, she likely wouldn’t be able to hide it for long.

“Yeah, but Matty’s better.” He grinned. There was a short pause as he stopped for a beat and maintained eye contact, before remembering that he had someone else to introduce. “And I don’t think you guys formally met last time, but this is George. I dragged him along, hope that’s okay.” He added as he gestured to the man standing behind him.  

“Good seeing you again.” George nodded politely.

“You as well.” She replied. “Take a seat you guys, there’s still a couple of songs that have to play through before I introduce you.” She said as she gestured to the other side of the desk. Matty gladly took the usual guest spot as George dragged across the smaller chair from the corner of the room.

  “How’ve you been?” Matty asked eagerly, shuffling around in his seat as he tried to get comfortable.

“Yeah, good. Pretty much the same as usual.” She chuckled as she took a sip of her coffee.

“I’m surprised that you’re still running the lunchtime shift and they’ve not bumped you up to some prime time, peak-hour traffic slot.” He said casually, earning an incredulous laugh from her. The morning and afternoon shifts were the most coveted positions at any radio station, let alone one as big as this. She was pretty happy that she’d managed to land a job that gave her hours during the day as opposed to a midnight shift.

“Ah, I think I’d need a bit more of an audience before that happened.” She replied.

“I dunno, from what I’ve heard you seem to have a decent following.” He said with a shrug.

It was quiet for a moment as she processed that. She was pretty certain she could hear the clock hanging above the door ticking quietly as her brain tried to catch up. “You listen to the show?” She asked eventually.

“Whenever I get a chance, yeah. Or just catch a few highlights here and there on social media.”

  That truly caught her off guard. Matthew Healy was out there writing albums, playing shows, and listening to her radio show? Why? Surely, he had better things to do in his downtime? “Uh, so what about you guys?” She asked, clearing her throat and trying to change the topic before he took note of how flustered she was becoming at this knowledge. “How’s things?”

“Really good!” He grinned. “We had Glastonbury recently which was amazing, and have Reading and Leeds coming up this weekend, and-” He started rattling off, quickly stopped by George as he put a hand down on the singers’ shoulder.

“Don’t wanna give too much away before the interview starts, Matt.” He laughed softly.

“Well, no, but-“

“You have to save the stories or you’re just gonna end up repeating them.”

“I can tell different ones.”

“You’re gonna tell the same ones that you tell every time, I know you are. And you won’t wanna tell them in the interview because you already said them now.”

“You don’t know that.” Matty frowned, clearly keen to push the point.

They continued this back and forth for a while before she intervened, “Anyway,” She sensed she had to diffuse this argument before it progressed into teenage bickering. “let’s do an interview.”

  The two of them instantly tuned out of their conversation and back into the matter at hand as she began flipping switches. She pulled her headset on as she gave them one last cursory glance to make sure that they were ready.

"Hope you’re all having a pleasant afternoon out there, folks.” She spoke into her microphone. “As per usual on our Wednesday shows, I do have some special guests here in the studio with me to have a chat.” She said, nodding across to Matty to introduce himself.

“Hey! It’s Matty from The 1975.” He said with an excited grin.

“And George.” His friend added, leaning across to be closer to the mic. “Great to be here.”

“So, it’s been about nine months since you were here-”

“Entirely too long, if you ask me.” Matty chimed in casually. She pressed on, trying to ignore the charm that seemed to radiate from just about everything this man said.

“-and all of the EPs are out now, correct?” She continued.

“Yep.”

“Your album comes out in just under two weeks?”

“That sounds about right.”

  She glanced down at the notepad in front of her, but she was pretty sure that over the last week she had memorised these questions front to back. “Are you excited for the album to finally be out? You were saying last time that it was practically already written back when you started the EP concepts.”

“We're definitely excited to finally hear people's reactions after how much traction we've gained from the EPs.” George began.

“It's been sitting in our heads for so long, it was almost hard to postpone it, but we wanted it to be perfect.” Matty threw in. “We didn't really expect to have such a positive reaction so soon, so it'll be interesting to see what people do with the main event.” Matty answered with a daydreamy look flashing in his eyes for a moment.

“I’ve really been enjoying the EPs.” She added, which instantly caught Matty's attention.

“Have you?” He asked instantly.

“Yeah, they've had a fair few spins through my playlists.” She laughed, suddenly making him grin ear to ear.

  “You mentioned the positive reaction, Matty. With how fast you guys have taken off, I've heard a lot of people out there referring to The 1975 as an overnight success.” She prompted. “But you guys have been working on this since you were teenagers.”

He let out a sigh. “There is so much stuff about us being an overnight success…” He pulled a hand through his hair as he looked over at George. “It’s been ten years, actually.” He chuckled.

“Was the ten years worth it when you got the call to open for the Stones?”

“Yeah. Yeah!” He almost shouted, now letting out a full laugh. “it’s stuff like that, that really makes you appreciate it.”

George nodded along with him. “I think this whole year’s been worth it. Not just the Stones show, we’ve had a lot of great festivals and great sold out shows. It’s been strange. Surreal telling people about those events.” He elaborated.

“We didn’t mean for any of this to happen, really. So, it was a bit daunting initially.”

  “You guys are still on tour?” She asked, moving along to the next topic.

“Yeah, have been since we last spoke.” Matty said with a nod. “Not really getting off tour until...” He seemed to be counting in his head. “December next year.”

“Next year?” She asked in surprise. “That's quite a long tour.”

“We are just… constantly on the move now.” He shrugged.

“That's for sure. It’s been a big year for The 1975. You guys had Glastonbury in June.”

“Yeah! That was amazing. It was incredible to play at a festival that we all grew up going to.”

“And have Reading and Leeds coming up this weekend with some big names.” She reminded him.

“Crazy…” He agreed. “We haven’t really been in the country for a lot of it. When Chocolate went so mental, we’ve been in America and Europe and just touring. We’ve just seen each other every day, it’s not really been that different for us. But the shows are getting bigger, people are really investing in the band, so it’s an amazing time.”

  “You guys also did South by South West, which was eleven shows in five days.”

“That was mental.” George scoffed.

“Yeah! We were quite surprised to see how many people came to all of those shows. Chris Martin said the most perfect thing ever - of all people - if you throw a party and like 50 people come up, so imagine doing that for twice, three times the amount of that, every night, in cities you’ve never even really heard of. We turned up in Milwaukee and 350 people came to the show. We had a sold-out show in new York.” He rattled off, seeming slightly bewildered at the memory.

“That's pretty crazy to be making such big waves in a different country like that.” She concurred.

“I think it’s a testament to the internet, really. How far we’ve come from Manchester all the way across the world.” The drummer offered.

Matty instantly took that thought and ran with it, “God, I could talk about it for ages. It’s strange to go somewhere – when you go to places, and you realise you have a following there… your identity, your sense of self, almost feels slightly diluted? Because you’re in somewhere so unfamiliar, but witnessing the most familiar parts of your life. Your material, your art. It’s weird, man.” He said, shaking his head slightly.

  “Does it intimidate you guys at all?” She questioned.

“No.” He instantly answered. “It’s amazing, a very humbling experience. It’s just very odd, the power of the internet? It’s kind of unsettling, but not intimidating. Kind of feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself a little bit.”

“How so?” She urged him to continue.

“Well... that’s when you’re at your most honest, isn’t it? When nobody knows who your band is. Now people know who we are. I’m the protagonist in every song I write. Which means every time I put stuff out there, it's putting out a part of me. Every conversation in a song is me and a normally female counterpart.” He tried his best to explain. “But that’s a subconscious thing.” He added as an afterthought.

“So it's like you're a little too transparent putting that much of yourself out there to such a large group of people?”

“Well, yeah. Your identity becomes kind of vaguely diluted because it’s not as embedded in what you’re familiar with anymore. Your identity kind of extends to places that you don’t really understand. It’s quite an unsettling thing for me.” Matty looked like he was struggling to find the right adjectives to describe the feeling. “It’s interesting. It’s cool.” He eventually settled on.

  “Does that sort of feeling ever bother you when you're on stage?” She asked.

“Not at all. Performing is one of the only times I feel satisfied.” He laughed. “I just love it. It’s like putting on a party every night.”

“Would you guys ever do another big supporting tour like The Stones?”

“Probably not right now.” George supplied, before Matty spoke over him.

“There’s been a genuine investment from our fans. Every show we put out sells out really quickly now. We’ve not been able to meet the demands of the amount of people who want to see our band. As much as going off and playing with popstars in arenas would be fun, I think that would be an indulgent decision. It wouldn’t be for the right reasons. We need to play our own shows… we’ll have the opportunity for all that later.” He answered decisively. George seemed happy with this. “I don’t want us to get too big too quickly, you know? A lot of people feel like we’re their band. 'You’re my kinda band.' That’s how I always used to fall in love with bands. I don’t wanna lose that. I want that to remain, because it really is important to me that every single person gets the band.” It wasn't hard to believe that Matty meant what he was saying with the amount of conviction in his voice as he spoke into the mic in front of him.

“We have quite a strict door policy on our band. We don’t want idiots gettin’ in.” George threw in to try and lighten the mood.

  “Back to Reading and Leeds, then. You're playing with the likes of Fall Out Boy and Green Day. Those are some massive names that'll be bringing in big crowds.” She started her line of questioning, waiting for them to respond before she continued.

“Yeah... We haven’t played to that many people.” Matty wiped his hands down his face as he took in a deep breath. “But it’s a real validation of all you’re doing. It’s not something we’ve ever craved, but it’s something we’ve really, really embraced and something that pushes us forward as creative people. It's cemented our identity as a band.” He replied.

“Are you nervous?” She asked with a smile.

He chuckled slightly, “Yeah, a little bit, but not really. What’ve we got to be nervous of? If people are there, they’ve already made that investment in us. We’ve just gotta show up and provide what we are.” George nodded. “And we can do that, so let’s just do it, d’you know what I mean?”

  “All right, we're gonna play a couple of songs and then we'll be back with some questions you guys sent in earlier in the week.” She spoke into her microphone before cutting away.

“Fan questions?” George asked in curiosity as he took his headset off.

“Yeah. The station told people to text stuff in through the week and I've picked a few to ask.” She said with a nod as she took a swig from her cup of coffee.

“Hopefully you picked good ones.” Matty said with an eyebrow raised.

“You'll just have to see.” She shot back, earning a grin from him.

“You do brilliant interviews. I can't imagine you'd give us shitty questions.” He added. She tried her best to make sure he wouldn't see the slight blush on her cheeks at the compliment.

  “You know, you should come out to a show sometime.” He segued. She was all too happy for an out from that conversation before it progressed.

“You guys hardly ever play here.” She pointed out.

“Come see us at Reading.”

“I hardly think you guys are high enough up on the bill to be offering to get me into a major festival for free.” She tried to sound accusatory, but couldn’t stop herself from cracking a small smile.

“Ask the station to get you in.” He suggested. She noticed that he seemed… rather eager about this idea.

She sighed deeply as she mulled this over. It would be nice to see them play live. It would be nice to see Matty again. Seeing him at a show counted as work, right? She could use that as a loophole in her own rules. “I’ll see what I can do.” Matty’s eyes practically lit up at her words.

  “Okay, we're back with Matty and George of The 1975, here to answer some questions sent in by you lovely listeners.” She started, flipping over her notebook to the scribbled fan questions. “First up we have Louise who wanted to know, what's your highlight been so far?” The two men sitting across from her both let out a groan.

“So much has happened...” George mumbled.

“The whole thing has just become a bit of a blur, to be honest with you.” Matty answered. “It’s just loads of surreal situations strung together by doing interviews. I’d like to be in that place of having that much foresight – that much retrospect and hindsight. Everything’s happened so quick… I don’t know how I’m gonna feel about it. I can’t imagine things can continue being this intense in another year.” He paused for a moment, before pulling himself back on track. “Having a genuine connection with people who I never would’ve thought had even heard of our band every night, just that kind of…extended feeling… is the highlight of every night.”

“That's quite a nice sentiment.” She nodded.

“When we were a lot smaller in the UK, like January, a couple came up to me after a gig in London. And said that they’d fallen in love with each other through our EP – the Sex EP. They’d started speaking about it when they were out with a group of friends. They’d met and said ‘you know this band The 1975’ and they fell in love with that record and now they’re getting engaged.” He looked absolutely astounded by this, looking across to her to make sure she understood how crazy that was. “And I love that. It nearly made me cry. Because that’s it. That’s all we wanna do. For our music to affect people emotionally. If you have an artistic expression that does that… there’s nothing more beautiful, really. And if that’s your job, how can you get any better than that?” He finished with a shrug.

  “Next we have Sam who's asked could you guys imagine doing something else instead of being in the band?” She questioned, crossing it off her list.

“We can’t do anything else.” George said with a laugh, instantly making his friend do the same.

“The band is the only expression we have. That’s bought from being complacent on working for anything else, and being totally, totally narrow minded and blind. We’ve never thought of the idea of this not happening.” Matty said.

“David has asked, how do you keep going?”

“Alcohol.” Matty instantly laughed. “Not really.” He quickly corrected. “It’s been the only thing we do, y’know? It’s not like we were in a band and had other interests. As soon as we became consumed by this band, we just stuck together as individuals. I think also because our social group has always orientated around us as a four, there’s never been any reason for us to not make music. It’s almost as if someone said ‘yeah, all right’ and then we got embraced by lots of different people and institutions.” He explained.

  “Have there been any bad times?” She asked. “That was from Anna.”

“Not really?” George frowned. “I suppose when we were being wined and dined by the labels and then everything kind of fell apart? But it ended for the better, because we then signed a great deal on an indie that allowed us to have total creative control. Retrospectively we wouldn’t have had it any other way.” He answered.

“But it wasn’t that bad!” Matty chimed in. “Getting’ flirted, y’know. We were really young when all these labels were going for us. We were always quite fortunate as a band to have a lot of foresight.”

“Right, on that note, Jessica has asked how hard is it to stay true to your original ideas when speaking to labels?”

“You get really excited for the first few encounters, then you quickly learn to tame yourself and not get excited until you’re physically doing what has been said that they’ll do for you. You’ve gotta keep your head.” George answered.

“We just prided ourselves on our conviction. The only reason we wanted to do was this because it was on our terms.”

  “Okay, Brian has asked if you guys ever fall out?”

“No.” Both of them instantly answered.

“We Just avoid that stuff and let other people deal with it. It’s too much of a personal endeavour to let the small stuff get to you. It’s not like we’re four boys who started a band because we wanted to be in a band, we’re four mates who ended up in a band by accident. So, pfft, whatever.” The singer scoffed.

“We’ve not focused on the financial stuff or anything like that. The only thing we have maintained is to have the final say and total creative control, and we all agree on that so there's not been any arguments to have.” George said.

“Last serious one and then we have some quick fire stuff.” She said as she scribbled out the last question. “Brendan wanted to know what your biggest accomplishment is so far?”

“Just making the record.” Matty said with a shrug. “I don’t really care how that record’s perceived or embraced, because it’s such an honest record - it’s such an honest depiction of who we are and where we’re from. It’s so uncompromised. The fact that a band like us managed to make a record like that without compromising at all… I’m just proud of that as an idea.”

  “Okay, some short and sweet ones to end out the interview.” George and Matty sat up a little straighter in their seats. “Who's the best behaved?” She asked.

“George is tidy, I guess?” Matty seemed hesitant as he glanced at his mate. “He’s quite well behaved but we’re all quite well behaved because we’ve been in a band for a long time. This a very… kind of pursuit for music for us. A lot of our partying doesn’t actually happen when we’re on tour. We try and be as good as possible. All of us have our moments? We’re in a rock band, y’know what I mean?” He chuckled, running a hand through his mohawk.

“These are meant to be quick, Matty.” She reminded him with a smile. “If you could pick one person dead or alive to be stuck on an island with, who would it be?”

“Musically? Michael Jackson – just to go through musical ideas. But I think he’d get on my nerves after a couple of days.”

“Yeah, same.” George agreed.

  “Can you moonwalk?”

“Yes. Very well.”

“Which celebrity do you think would have the best banter at a party?”

“Anyone from Geordie Shore.”

“If you could swap wardrobes with anyone, who would you want it to be?”

“ASAP rocky. For sure.”

“Write us a poem.”

“That's not quick fire!” He scoffed with a laugh. “And that's not a question!” He added, now properly laughing. “In an interview, the idea is to ask questions that I can answer. You’re giving me all of the work.”

“Ahh, I thought you'd be able to churn out something instinctual like those people who spill the truth after a bunch of quick questions.” She grinned.

  “Well, that's all we have time for.” She sighed, leaning back a bit in her chair. “Thank you guys for coming in to the studio to have a chat.”

“It's no problem.” George smiled sweetly.

“We'll be here any time you want us on.” Matty replied.

“That was Matty and George from The 1975, and a track from them is coming up next.” She finished up as she set Chocolate up to play next. The two boys started getting up from their seats, grabbing their stuff and straightening out their jackets. As they were about to leave, she heard Matty tell George to go on ahead and he'd catch up. She spun in her chair to face him as he walked back over to her.

“I was serious , by the way.” Matty said, leaning back against the desk. “Any time you want us on the show, or if you wanna come out to see us play, just let me know.” He said as he held out a piece of paper. She took it from him, realising it had his number scrawled on it.

“Is this meant to be a subtle way of giving me your number?” She frowned up at him, but he definitely caught on to the excitement she was trying her best to hide.

“It can be whatever you want it to be.” He shrugged with a smirk as he followed after his friend.

Taglist: @imagine-that-100 @dot-writes @tooshhhy @robinrunsfiction @approved-by-dentists

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[ship-trek]

I would like to know everything about your ships with Spock, Uhura and Bones please!!! KJFEWHKJFW if there's lore or fic I wanna read it and if there's art I wanna see it those three are VERY GOOD (I have a lot of love for TOS) @goldenworldsabound

@goldenworldsabound

!!!! I! Thank you for this lovely ask!! I also have a lot of love for TOS, it was the first Trek I watched and it's always going to have a special place in my heart!!

If you really want to know everything, we're going to be here for a while, so this is going under a cut for length. I should never have been enabled like this. None of them have any fics yet and I can't really draw all that well, so there's no art either, but I'm always happy to ramble about them and call it lore, so here we go!

Ok, as I'm writing down the lore for my ship with Spock, it's becoming a lot longer than I thought it would be - as in it's over 1000 words and we *just* got to Starfleet Academy. I'm going to trim it down a bit to try and get a shorter version and I'll probably turn the rest into a fic. Even with the cuts, though, this is really long. You've been warned.

Once I finish my WIPs with Nerys, I have some plans for some TOS fics, so hopefully my lovely friends will get their fair share of fics soon! I can tag you in any TOS fics I write if you'd like, but of course there's no pressure!

Bones:

I selfship with Bones in the way I do to cope with some specific issues, so lore-wise it's a bit different than my other ships. I don't really have an s/i, it's just me here in our world. He's off on the Enterprise doing all those fun space things, but I can call him whenever I like and he always tries to get back to me as soon as possible if he misses the call at the time. He doesn't miss them often, though - he and I set up a system so I can mark calls as high, mid, or low priority and he'll interrupt almost anything to take a high priority call. I hardly ever use it, but it's nice to know I can reach him if I really need to. And he's amazing to talk to! He's really supportive and always willing to listen to me, and he gives the best hugs :)

I'm actually really excited because he's due back on Earth soon, and he promised to come visit! He can't visit often so every time he does he goes out of his way to make our time together special. It's one of the little ways he shows he really cares about me.

This is a fairly new ship for me, so I still haven't figured out what I'm going to do about Joanna. I'm unlikely to add her as a familial f/o, but we might end up as friends or I might just ignore her entirely. It's my canon now :)

Uhura:

So! I am a massive language nerd. I've been teaching myself both Vulcan and Klingon in addition to studying Latin, Japanese, and Spanish in school at various points. (Yes, Swahili is next on my list. Yes, this is because of Uhura.)

Nyota and I met at Starfleet Academy (more details on how I got there in Spock's lore as both ships use the same s/i) during one of our xenolingustics classes. She seemed super cool, but she had a friend group already, so I ended up being too scared to approach her. I haven't always been the best student, so I got into the habit of taking any extra credit opportunities that came my way. Our xenolinguistics teacher offered extra credit if we went to a presentation being hosted by the xenolingustics club, and I figured I had nothing to lose, so I showed up. Nyota saw me there, recognized me from class, and encouraged me to join the club. She seemed nice and I was free, so I said I'd try it out. I came to a few meetings and we ended up becoming friends!

I was never close with her friend group (we didn't have a lot in common and i just didn't fit their vibe) but she worked hard to make sure we still had time to hang out, and I never felt like she liked me any more or any less than the rest of her friends. How she balanced it all, I don't know. I still think she might be superhuman.

She was a year ahead of me and we ended up falling out of contact a little bit when she graduated. Between her (and later my) assignments, there was just never enough time, and as some of you may know (Sorry!!) my ability to stay in touch with people online is atrocious. We didn't stop talking entirely or stop being friends, but it wasn't until we were both assigned to the Enterprise that we were able to reconnect, and we're even better friends now than we were back then. I didn't exactly figure out who I was, but I grew more comfortable with the process of growing as a person and not having all the answers, and as a result I ended up way more confident in myself and with a lot less self loathing. Turns out, that makes you a lot more fun to be around! I still have a lot of work to do in that area, but I'm a lot better than I was back at the academy.

She and I hang out a lot on the Enterprise, sometimes with Spock or Nurse Chapel and sometimes just the two of us. We sing together, play games, talk in half a dozen languages (just because I don't know them yet doesn't mean my s/i can't!) and just do all those normal fun friend things. Sometimes we even teach or help each other learn new languages (I'm learning a new dialect of Klingon and she's learning Latin). One thing I've always really appreciated about her is the way she handles spontaneity with me - when she wants to hang out or change plans on short notice, she always gives me a really good sense of what she's suggesting we do and gives me the chance to raise any concerns or questions about it before we have to make a decision.

Interesting quirk of our friendship: I can usually be flexible about what we do but really need to know in advance who is going to be there, and she can usually be flexible about who's going to be there as long as she has a good sense of what we're going to do. It took us a little while to figure that out and start warning each other appropriately, but once we did things got a lot better!

It's really a crime that the writers didn't give us more Uhura-centric episodes because there are just so many things I want to know about her! This is also a new-ish ship for me, so the lore isn't quite as finalized as I'd like. If you see me changing things about our ship later, that's why!

Spock:

Ok, important warnings time. My selfship with Spock fills a very particular emotional role for me that causes me to be unusually protective of him and our relationship. I'm aware that this isn't exactly emotionally healthy, and that's something I'm actively working on. Part of the benefit of my ship with him is that he can fill this role rather than me putting it on a real person, which, yeah, wouldn't be great. A lot of this has to do with him putting me first.

To be clear, I view my ship with him as happening in one of many similar but distinct universes (there's a TNG ep I'm thinking of here) that's separate from both canon and other people's ships with him. That's why I say that our s/is probably can't be friends (unless we have some universe crossover stuff going on). I would never want to get in the way of another person's ship with him! And this is the division of things that makes it easiest for me to wholeheartedly support others' ships with him, which is something I very much want to be able to do. (What I'm trying to communicate, badly, is that I want to be clear that I don't view the way he thinks about me as being true anywhere outside of my ship with him.)

I do refer to him as my best friend, the platonic other half of my soul, and other similarly intense terms, which he reciprocates. We also have a minor telepathic bond (I have Headcanons about Vulcan telepathy and no one can stop me from using them). Our relationship really is strictly platonic, but if that's going to make you uncomfortable, the time to stop reading is now! I'm also always happy to work out more detailed tags if needed.

Now! On to the actual ship stuff. I've changed around the lore a little bit recently to be a little truer to the way I've been shipping with him for the past 6-7 years, so hopefully this is the final(ish) lore. There are several moments where if canon says otherwise I simply do not see it. I am looking away. My canon now :)

It's late, later than I should have been out, but I'm too young to know better and too excited to care. My cousins are playing in the sand out ahead of me, but I've had enough of the noise and the people for right now, so I'm doing what I do best: wandering off when I shouldn't. The beach is busy but the nearby hills are quiet, so I start to climb. Even at that age, I hate sand, and the stone staircase is a welcome relief.

I was so focused on the climb to see him and by the time I reach the top, I'm too exhausted to do anything but flop on the ground. As soon as I do that my eyes turn skyward and then I'm too focused on the stars to do much of anything else. Even with the lights around, it's a dazzling display. Most call it science, but to my untrained eyes there's a much simpler word: magic.

Between the exhaustion and the stars, it takes me several minutes to realize I'm not alone. A Vulcan boy I don't recognize is sitting on a bench a few feet away from me, staring at something in his lap and staying very still. I watch him for a while and when he still hasn't moved, I walk closer. He twitches - clearly, he knows I'm here - but keeps his eyes fixed firmly on his PADD. If I were older, I would have gone down the hill and this would have been the end of it.

But I wasn't older. I was young, and dumb, and perhaps most dangerously of all, I was curious. I didn't go down the hill. Instead, I walked up, pulled myself up to sit on the far end of the bench, and asked the question that would end up shaping the rest of our lives:

"Have you ever looked up?"

And he did.

I rambled about the stars and asked about his logic homework, and he watched the stars and patiently answered my questions. By the time we parted ways, I was smiling with his contact information tucked safely into a pocket and he watched my go with the corners of his lips pulled up into that classic Vulcan not-quite-smile.

My mom recognized his name and description as the son of Amanda Grayson, a friend of a friend, and she let me use her PADD to keep in touch with Spock until I was old enough for my own. He turned out to be a few years older than me and a lot of fun to be around with a subtle sense of humor that never failed to make me laugh. We'd hang out in person whenever I went to Vulcan or he came to Earth and we talked almost every day online when we were apart. He was (and is) my best friend, and we saw each other through the highs and lows of growing up. Even when his bullies got really bad and when my school social life went down the drain, we always had each other, and somehow that was enough.

Because of something something Vulcan brain development, the eligible age to apply to Starfleet is 20 rather than 16. (ooc this is my headcanon and I need it for our backstory to work, so shh.) I was certain he would apply for Starfleet Academy the moment he was eligible, and I think his decision to wait for a year shocked everyone. I asked him about it, wondering if there was something wrong. We'd talked for ages about how much he wanted to escape Vulcan, so why wasn't he now that he finally had the chance?

His response? "Not all humans treat me as you do. The bullying is unlikely to change, only its source. If I am to be bullied no matter my path, I will choose the one in which we are together."

I have never felt more honored in my life.

We applied for Starfleet together the next year. His father was devastated displeased that he did not choose the Vulcan Science Academy, my parents were upset that I was moving out so young, and we rolled up to Starfleet Academy as the resident pair of family disappointments. Good times.

The academy was a blast, though. We got to see each other! In person! Every day! I was there to stand up to the people who teased him, he was there to encourage me to make good choices, and we both were there to remind each other that sleep is a necessary biological function not to be ignored. We were both studying science, but he focused on the astrophysics side and I focused more on the biology side, so we didn't share too many classes, but we'd hang out all the time in between classes and we tried to take the same electives when we could. Having similar interests helped a lot on that front.

I was a weird child that had by now grown into a weird teenager, so I didn't have a ton of friends at first. Even when it started directly affecting his social life, Spock was never embarrassed to be seen with me, and though he claims that he would be treated the same without me... I doubt it. Still, though, it helped a lot to have him there, and he's never held it against me.

I did convince him to do a show with me once. He tries to hold that one against me but he had fun and we both know it. Besides, it's my job to drag him into illogical things sometimes :)

We graduated together but like so many close friends are, we were posted to different ships. It was a weird time for us. I was doing great, honestly. I was medicated for my chronic illness (finally!), in therapy (finally!), and I loved my ship and fellow officers. My job was interesting and engaging and I was having a blast. Spock, on the other hand, started to struggle a little bit. Though he always treated me like an equal, I think there was a part of his mind that always thought he was a little bit better than me, and seeing me succeed seemingly effortlessly where he was struggling was hard for him. We got through it, though, and he got some better accommodations (and later a transfer to a ship that fit him better) which made everything a lot better. I even ended up taking some engineering classes and wound up getting a degree in engineering too, just for fun.

Before we knew it, he was the first and science officer of the Enterprise and I was a lieutenant commander working for him. (I say working for him, but really it's a lot more like working alongside him. Most people in the science department assume that if you tell something to one of us and don't specifically say not to tell the other, we will, so you can basically report things to either of us.) I do some work for Scotty too, and Kirk likes to joke that I'm an honorary member of the bridge crew at this point. It was a funny joke right up until I started getting invited to briefings, but hey, who am I to complain?

Serving together is a lot of fun. I'm one of the only people on board who doesn't constantly pressure him to show his emotions, with the result that he is a lot more emotional with me. He knows that I don't view his moments of emotion as a reflection of how Vulcan he is or isn't, so he has nothing to gain by hiding them. Mostly, I don't comment on them, which is his preference.

While we're both happy to offer each other emotional support when needed, most of the time we end up just sitting with each other and letting them process it on their own. Between my emotional regulation issues and his I Am A Vulcan mentality, it's been a great way for us to show each other the support we crave without worrying about finding the perfect words.

Speaking of words, I'm one of very few people on the ship who speaks Vulcan. I actually learned it years ago because of him so we've been speaking it to each other for a while, and we take the Vulcan tendency to drop words to a truly ridiculous extent. Uhura tends to joke that we created our own language somewhere along the line, but it's a fun way to annoy Bones when he really gets on our nerves. He can't even complain about it because as it turns out having the ability to converse in a way no one else understands is very, very useful when a mission goes south. You can't really complain about something that's saved your life, now can you?

The telepathic bond (again, very minor and strictly platonic) came about when he had to meld with me on one such mission gone wrong. It wasn't planned, though we'd talked about it in the past and neither of us was upset by it. Bones tried to joke that our minds were so compatible that we were probably going to start dating now and immediately found himself on the receiving end of two death glares. Credit to him, he never made that joke again. We view each other like family anyway, so yeah. No.

But I like the bond we have! It's nice to know when he's uncomfortable but not saying anything and it's easier for me to tell when he's protesting for effect and really does want to go along with my bizarre illogical scheme and when he'd rather not. As someone with no real sense of social cues or sarcasm, it's a lifesaver. Besides, he's been a lot more comfortable with causal touch between us since it formed, which is great for me.

We also play a lot of D&D together. It's something I got him into but which he took to like a fish to water, and the lengths we go to to avoid scheduling conflicts for our weekly game night are probably a bit excessive, shall we say, but it helps that all the friends we'd normally have conflicts with end up getting invited too. He very rarely DMs, but when he does, you better hope someone in your party has a decent intelligence stat because his puzzles are amazing. Seriously, I don't think you've really played a puzzle based game of D&D until you've played one of his. Works of art, I tell you.

I could go on about him for hours, but I'll wrap it up here for time and length's sake. If you have any more specific questions, I think I've already effectively demonstrated that I'm incapable of shutting up about him!