#finally posting that last one bcs it wasnt in the original post and just sitting in my photos lmao

[alovember]

Fem college au style, bunny, and creek !! Hitting u w my woman beam

[rubyneo]

So what is your wishlist for V9? 👀

@ficklefandom also asked so!

HI ORANGE, HI NORAH I LOVE U.

okay so first:

i want ruby and neo SO MUCH. like i expect the height of the volume will be them FINALLY hashing out the roman thing. i especially want this to happen post-penny death reveal bc i think it makes the most sense to happen after that? like a high stakes fight where ruby blames neo for what happened while neo is sitting there like BITCH YOU KILLED MY FUCKING DAD?! and then they work that shit out

also i want neo to cry. she NEEDS TO CRY.

maya!roman model, courtesy of neo trauma and perhaps...maybe...flashback sequence to the two meeting?

YANG QUESTIONING HER POSITION IN THE GROUP. i think it makes a lot of sense for her to be questioning herself after failing to protect not only oscar in the beginning of v8 but falling to neo AGAIN trying to protect ruby and not being there to save penny. i want a parallel to nora, dammit!! have yang wonder what her purpose is if she cant even do the ONE THING she's always thought of herself as good at (being a protector).

BLAKE SHOWING OFF HER SURVIVAL SKILLS. i want to see this bitch foraging or so helP ME-

WEISS AND JAUNE PENNY TRAUMA TALK!!! weiss was THERE when penny died. she is the ONLY ONE who knows besides jaune.

okay hear me out. ruby, weiss, and jaune drama. i need this. i NEED it.

SLEEVELESS OUTFITS SLEEVELESS OUTFITS. yang make those stupid ass zippers useful and show off the thighs baby girl <3

if yang doesnt become almost over bearingly protective of ruby especially i dont want it /j. like i said, she's gotta see the last volume (so the last two days) as failure after failure. she couldnt protect oscar, she couldnt protect ruby from falling, she couldnt protect penny in the end, she couldnt protect weiss or blake or jaune, she couldnt protect the staff or the lamp, etc. and like! thats yang's whole thing! she's ruby's protector, she's the one who originally chose the knight piece (while blake looked at the black queen im p sure?). so like. Please

i say especially ruby because im gonna be so bored if she's just attached at the hip to blake the whole time and doesnt flare up every time someone (neo) gets too close to any of RBYJ

also. yang getting mad at jaune FOR ruby...i think thatd be cool 😌😌

BLAKE APOLOGIZING TO YANG FOR NOT CATCHING HER AND THEN GETTING SEPARATED FROM RUBY. i do not believe she actually HAS to apologize but i DO think she will believe she has to. and i think everyone reassuring blake that it wasnt her fault, she did all she could, would be really good character moments

same for yang. it wasnt her fault and she needs to be told that

TANS AND MUSCLES PLEASE!!

time passing differently on the island (like they think theyve been there for months but when they get back, its been a few hours to maybe a few days)

NO VACUO. they (crwby) keep iterating that its a 'smaller' volume and its 'refreshing'. i dont think theyd bounce between three (or four depending on whats gonna happen with the whole rescue group) different groups and plotlines yknow. i want it to focus on the 6 who fell and then at the end we emerge in vacuo.

i want neo to get a redemption arc but like a. she's not a GOOD GUY, she's just learning to love herself and let others love her. i want her and emerald to become friends in v10 as well. that sorta arc.

just...flashback sequences.

uhhh ponytail yang <3

thats it i think!

[lilatreus]

All of my thoughts on Assassin’s Creed Valhalla!

Of course there are major spoilers for the game and ending. I know it’s been out for like three months now but you never know so I’m putting it all under the cut. And yes this is pretty long. A summary is at the end of the entire text.

also pls don’t send me hate like y’all did for what I said about odyssey literally these are just my opinions on the game if u dont care for them pls just skip I have a lot to say about it and there is actually quite a few things that I really enjoyed when playing the game and if u do read it pls don’t hesitate to shoot me messages and talk to me about the game bc I really enjoy the franchise and I need some more people to talk to in this fandom.

What I enjoyed about the game!!

The blending in with the monks/prayers in the streets to get pass the guards!!!!! Dude!!!!! I know it’s like a really small detail but it just made me so happy because it reminded me of when you had to do that in the first assassin’s creed game. It’s a nice touch of nostalgia and really liked it.

The “glitches” (while some were annoying) I’m super super happy that they were kind of bringing back the glyphs from assassins creed two. I loved doing them because I loved trying to get the little movie. It was really nice of them to bring that back so we can get another little movie like the one from AC2 again.

I think we can all agree: Hytham was a great character. I wish he was more involved in the story than already but that’s just me. I really liked his character so much he’s my favorite from the game.

Desmond having some Easter eggs and basically coming back into the series again was great. It was also a nice touch to see the vault from assassins creed three (the place where des dies). It really makes me miss connor and his band of assassins. I miss assassins creed three :( I want more about Connor please put out some more comics with him in it or some easter eggs please I’m begging you. Also fuck u haytham kenway I hate u.

Shaun and Rebecca being back and now it’s canon that they’re together is fucking awesome. I’m actually really happy about that and I missed them so much. I’m glad they’re in the story again. (Rebecca dude I was so worried that she died like no fucking joke I was so upset I thought syndicate really killed her off).

The game itself actually did very well keeping with the lore we were given from assassins creed origins and was actually doing pretty well trying to connect it to the first assassin game.

Speaking of lore I do think they did the best they could to expand upon the not so well liked lore from odyssey and try and fix it but also it did feel a little confusing but I guess that’s just because i didn’t finish the Asgard missions yet so who knows.

The scenery was very very beautiful and I throughly enjoyed walking around and just admiring the view no matter where I was on the map.

Reda just becoming immortal is so funny and the fact that he was just sitting there telling stories about Aya and Bayek.. please my heart. I love them so so much. The letter Bayek wrote??? Soulmates I’m telling you.

Also I did like that they fixed their plot hole for why Bayek and Aya aren’t known for anything history wise in the story (or mainly why Bayek isn’t in the assassin’s history books and Aya, as Amunet, is really the only one written down). I’m very glad that they explained it and I really think I’m just super happy that Bayek was brought back for some easter eggs within the game.

Basim is very handsome and I liked him but I don’t know how to feel about the ending with him. Yes I do love his character and it was super cool to hang around him and do a couple of missions with him but also it felt weird that now you’re technically playing as the bad guy.

Eivor was really cool to play as. I enjoyed running around as them and doing missions. I like the fact that Eivor was basically like “yo you guys [ pointing to the brotherhood ] are fucking crazy but you guys [ pointing to the templars/order of ancients ] are really fucking crazy and weird.” I really loved basically being an assassin and using the hidden blade again. (Yeah I know they technically aren’t an assassin but yknow just an honorary one).

The Canterbury Tales!! The fucking pardoner’s tale!! That was super cool to do I loved those stories and being able to do them in the game made me super happy. I know it doesn’t actually fit the timeline given it wasnt written until like centuries after the game took place but I just thought that side mission was neat!

Fulke was a very cool templar and I thought her character was really really interesting. I wish they did more with her honestly.

What I didn’t like about the game:

So! Speaking of templars! Boy oh boy I have a lot to say for that subject. So for “the order of ancients”:

— I think my biggest problem with this game (as well as odyssey) is that the templars (“OOA”) aren’t actually important to the game anymore. They’re barely in the story now like out of all 20 or so people you have to kill within their order only like 5 or 6 are actually important to the storyline and that’s my biggest problem with it, because now killing the templars is just like a “well since you’re in the area you can kill this dude” and I really hate it. I truly believe that’s why I didn’t like odyssey that much solely bc they made doing the most core part of the video game series a damn side mission and that also goes for Valhalla.

— Also so many of the templar stories, like scenes we get after you kill them, were just so bland. They don’t make them like they used to and that’s another big core part of the series lost.

— They’re straying very far from the main plot of the series and that’s why these last two games didn’t feel anything like an assassin’s creed game. (And you can’t say that “it’s just different because they’re taking place in a time way before the templars were called templars” bc assassins creed origins did very well to changing their game and how they play but also keeping the main goal from previous games: To be an assassin and kill the templars.)

— Also they need to not show us the outline of who the templars are because I could tell who “the father” was as soon as I was able to see the order tab. Please Ubisoft do better.

I know I said this before however the fucking Beowulf mission. My God Did I Hate That. I was really looking forward to the dlc and to see what they did with the story sucked. In Odyssey we got actual Greek monsters and gods and I expected to be given that in Valhalla for the norse deities. And it didn’t happen. (As of right now I can’t comment on the Asgard missions because I haven’t finished them but I’ll probably edit the post and put them in later)

As of right now with the ending and lore shit I’m really kind of indifferent with it. On one hand they are trying to fix the lore that they kind of fucked up in Odyssey by adding more things to explain it better but also that means they added on unnecessary stuff that makes no sense. On the other hand I really hate that Layla is now technically canonically dead because shes now in the grey and basim now has the one thing that would’ve kept her alive. I really wanted them to do more with her like they did with Desmond. I genuinely enjoyed her as a main protagonist and it sucks that she is now dead. Layla deserves so much better honestly!!!!

Also on des: While I don’t want to smack away a fan service gift that includes desmond; it did kind of feel weird that he’s back in the series. Honestly I don’t know how to go about this. I’m super excited that technically desmond is back in a way but on the other hand I wanted them to focus on Layla more and :( Idk man it’s complicated. They have to stop changing the story’s main protagonists Layla deserved to be in more games and hopefully she will be because her “death” felt so cheap. I also wish they explained what happened with her during the year apart from odyssey and Valhalla.

The side missions I have no problem with except for the fact that the little side mission icon just stayed in the place you first show up to to get the mission. I miss the old side mission mechanic bc this new one felt really really confusing and it made me get lost quite a few times.

This one might just be me but I guess they’re expanding more on the gods reincarnating but they’re not focusing on the sages anymore? Like when will Elijah Miles (the newest sage) be shown?? Odyssey fucked up that lore bit but now they’re not even talking about it because any isu god can reincarnate or can take ahold of anyone if they interact with a piece of eden or something. Idk this one little bit is super confusing for me right now and I don’t like that it’s confusing so I will be doing more research on the isu (again) to understand what the fuck is going on with this damn part of the lore.

I know that this is a game where you kill people but this whole game felt so gore-y that I like had to drop it for a bit. Like dude I didn’t really expect that. This one I really feel like is just me. I did not expect to like hear bones breaking when I played it.

The storyline felt kind of all over the place like yes I could understand the big part of the story but also it was all over the fucking place. I just miss the old plot I really do that had a system that was so good it caused several games to follow it’s lead. (I miss AC1 please remaster that damn game)

Also maybe it’s just me but the story felt so slow at the beginning when ur going to England. Literally I hate to say this bc I love this whole series but I was more happy about finally finishing the main storyline than I was while playing the game.

All in all: I did like the game. I did have fun even though some parts were rough. I’m super glad that they got rid/fixed the ship mechanic because I hated every fucking naval battle in assassins creed and that’s something I was worried about doing when I saw that we had longships in the story. The game was enjoyable and it had a lot of great side characters like Hytham, Gunnar, and Yanli. Basim was a treat, though I hope they explain more about him bc I’m going to be honest he’s a bit confusing with this whole loki thing. But yeah this is all I have so far on the game. If you actually read all the way down here comment or like shoot me message to talk about it bc I really really want to talk about the game. Pls pls pls.

[orionunfathomable]

orion and mental health

so i typically post here when i have some sort of like, idea or concept i want to talk about and make evident to my 2 or so followers but i think i regularly work with this like. misunderstanding of how vague most of these posts come across

Orion Unfathomable is a world and narrative i’ve been building for the better part of 7 years now. its been a really interesting adventure. i started writing this as an extremely depressed teenager who was finding a way to like, explore concepts and find distractions from life. its a very different mindset than i feel im in now - an adult with significantly different circumstances

orion has been a very internal thing for me. i’ve only ever written the first few chapters, alongside small excerpts and anecdotes from history and worldbuilding since. orion was originally being done in small snippets between classes and at night between chatting with friends on steam and playing games. then came college - which was NOT conducive to writing a book (funny right), as well as like, a lot more mental health struggles

its interesting to me bc i find that i felt like i was significantly less mentally ill in college than i was in high school (honestly probably more about ability to deal with it as versus like. actual differences). however one of the things i think i came to terms with more is that ive dealt with like, LONGFORM executive dysfunction.

i don’t wanna like write some long excerpt on how its affected me over my entire life but rest assured - its been a major problem but ive really only recently considered like, that it wasnt some inherent flaw i had as a person. kind of fucked but you know: mental illness

i guess this is all to say: ive been reminiscing recently about writing orion. i have a full time job now that like pays me well and has benefits, and ive been finding myself with small bits of time where i can just sit and write. and i actually have been! its small bits of writing, and nothing finalized, but it is making me feel like i could potentially make a bit of progress

ive also actually been considering story progression and new developments as well. i feel like ive actually had a few moments where i improved on something ive genuinely wanted to get past for a number of years. i cant say for certain where this may take me, but i wanted to be forthcoming about some of my internal process to maybe explain a bit of why its been such a fragmentary process over the last like 5 years

but yeah. perhaps in the future if i get writing done i’ll release it here. ive been considering just compiling writing until i have substantial enough pieces to actually exist (like arcs, as versus the first chapter or two of something lmao), but again: uncertain. we shall see...

[asexualzoro]

for fanfic writer asks: 3 4 9 11 16 17 25 28 34? sorry if thats too many lmao,,

context for anyone else reading this: they texted me after to let me know to answer anchor and/or beholden for all of these

3. Do you have a favorite scene you’ve written from [Fanfic Name] story/chapter? 

anchor: im... fond of the image of Jon and Tim sitting together under a shock blanket at the start of this fic after the Prentiss attack........... its not even particularly compelling i just think about their Last Moments As Friends and i get really fucked up 

beholden: TIM FUNERAL MONOLOGUE FROM CHAPTER 7

4. Did you have any ideas that didn’t make the final cut of [Fanfic Name]? 

anchor: i wanted to do more with Tim’s guilt about not being able to save the original Sasha from the Distortion’s hallways, but i think i forgot and then there wasnt really a good place to put it in. Martin kind of talks about it, but eh. 

beholden: in my original plan for the prentiss attack Sasha was supposed to get separated from the crew and find Gertrude’s body instead of Martin (whihc was honestly meant partly to bully the readers/jon into being worried abt her running off on her own during the attack, and partly bc shes the only one who actually met gertrude). that didnt end up happening then, i didnt have a good reason to get her in the tunnels

9. If you had to assign a theme song to [Fanfic Name], which would you assign? 

beholden: this fic has a shit ton of songs attached to it already... inexplicable - the correspondents is maybe my favorite choice tho 

anchor: hmmmm. im digging thru my 800 song playlist and i think im gonna say well-dressed - hop along OR i told you - civilian

11. How would you describe your style? (Character/emotion/action-driven, etc)

hmm... i think character driven? mostly bc i read this and thought “isnt all writing character driven?” which i guess answers that, huh 

16. What fanfic tropes do you avoid writing for?

uhhh i mean. i dont write or read anything ns/fw bc of being ace/sex-repulsed so probably anything along those lines

17. What fanfic tropes do you gravitate to writing for?

ive posted... lemme count here... 5 fics which include a plotline about either someone being replaced by a fake OR concern about someone being replaced by a fake, and i can think of, off the top of my head, two more id like to write if i had the chance. so like. that. 

25. What scene in [Fanfic Name] took the longest to write? What was difficult about it?

i wrote anchor in one sitting so im just answering beholden for this one and.... for whatever godamn reason the answer is peter lukas’s introduction. i dont know why!!! i got stuck here for a month!!!! i still dont even like it much!!! peter fucking lukas cursed me and i hate him so much 

28. Is there a part of [Fanfic Name] you’re surprised no one has picked up on yet? 

anchor: i wrote this so that it would repeat and parallel itself so much that reading it literally felt like circling / spiraling and i know people noticed this but i think this is mostly bc i told this to every single person i could. if anyone noticed this on their own they did not manage to tell me before i, very proud of it, said as much

beholden: there are some jokes in beholden no one caught for the longest fucking time and i think theyve all been picked up on by now but personally i think s1 Tim-or-Sasha (dont remember which) saying “you could injure [Jon’s] hand with a particularly strong handshake” is up there for funniest shit ive ever written and i was SO MAD no one noticed 

34. Have you felt emotional while writing a scene before? What scene was it?

again i would like to say if youre not getting emotional writing your scenes i dont know what youre writing for i make myself emotional all the time

still, hmmm. a fun fact about beholden is any time Jon gets emotional in his internal monologue abt missing his dead friends it is because i, personally, got emotional writing about Tim and Sasha (usually) and then immediately threw those emotions at Jon 

[insomnihan]

han’s Entire Thoughts and Feelings on Dreamcatcher’s “Deja Vu”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

MY TIME HAS COME 2.0!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FULL INSOMNIA MODE DONT. LOOK. AT. ME.

there are no read mores here so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ALRIGHT SO-

THE SONG OKAY LETS JUMP RIGHT INTO IT i wasnt expecting something lowkey sad BUT im not mad at it!!!!!!!!!! i had conflicting emotions when i desperately wanted to cry but also headbang?????? HOWEVER thanks to force and air the tears in my eyes were drying as i headbanged- LIKE this song really PUT ME THROUGH IT like that chorus didnt have tO DO ME LIKE THAT™!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT THEN THE VERSES AND THE PRE-CHORUSES WERE SLOW (and the bridge but bridges be like that in nearly all songs) WHICH IM ACTUALLY REALLY INTO it was like being in a roller coaster with the verses being the slow hill and the chorus was the fall THAT PIANO GOES HARD...................... but like in a soft way????? DONT ASK ME WHAT IM SAYING IS IM A HOE™ FOR PIANO THOSE DRUMS DURING THE CHORUS STOP IT I CANNOT I FELT THEM VIBRATE THROUGH MY BONES

like i DEADASS have nothing to criticize or change about this song its PERFECTLY FINE AS IT IS (except for like more gahyeon and dami????? pls??????)

siyeon starting the song.......................... thank you.............. I STILL STAND BY SAYING I WOULD LISTEN TO HER VOICE FOR LITERALLY FOREVER HER VOICE DURING THE CHORUS QUEEN OF SINGING CHORUSES OH BUT THEN THAT HIGH NOTE ARE YOU KIDDING ME??????? SHE DIDNT HAVE TO KILL ME LIKE THIS BUT THANK YOU SO MUCH I- and now....... im in the deja vu P L E A S E

gaaaaaaaahhhyeeeeeooonnnn her voice is so pretty!!!!!!!!!!! BUT I WANT MORE!!!!!!!!!! HOWEVER youre the second one to sing with this beautiful gentleness of a part and to be honest this part paired with siyeon starting it really eases you into the song and its quite the blessing to hear thanks- and then yknow this part right after handong........................... Heaven™

SPEAKING OF HANDONG LISTEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE AMOUNT OF LINES SHE HAS MAKES ME WANNA CRY OKAY THIS PART RIGHT HERE............................. PLS.............. (i think its just me but theres a smaller voice singing like right under her voice????) HER PRE-CHORUS PARTS ARE LITERALLY THE BEST PARTS IN THE WHOLE SONG TO LISTEN TO pls believe me when i say this its NOT bc shes my ultimate bias like i genuinely like her parts the most

sua pls i was already prepared for softer vocals and you really gave that to me and then this is absolute perfection they were beautiful and amazing OF COURSE got me feeling like i was floating on actually clouds god TAHNK YOU AND THEN YOU JUST HAD TO HIT ME WITH YOUR PART RIGHT HERE???? i understand its just the chorus but I Felt That™ okay!!!!!!

JIU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i stand by saying how your voice be powerful as hell still even during these lines VERY short but VERY effective and very good leading into the chorus i love- and then your bridge....................... B I C T H really put me in my feelings but i welcome it with EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING and with open arms.......................

YOOHYEON AKA THE OTHER QUEEN OF SINGING CHORUSES I MEAN..................................... I LITERALLY DUNNO WHAT TO SAY!!!!!!!!!!! LIKE THEIR BEAUTIFUL SOUNDING HER VOICE GOES WELL WITH THEM like i really like the parts she sings after siyeon like................. Y O O F if a feather became a voice-

i need more dami too..................... P L E A S E like obviously with their other songs i was expecting dami to be in the second verse and with a smooth rap section and the former was correct HOWEVER to my pleasant surprise SHE SANG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! her singing voice suited this SO MUCH and im actually glad there wasnt a rap part at all in this song especially that SECOND PART.................. Heaven™ 2x

my favorite lyrics (x): i know i said handongs were my favorite to listen to but i like these lines dont hurt me

난 이 숨결이 허락되는 날까지 As long as I can breathe 다신 너를 놓을 수 없어 I can’t let go of you again 우린 모든 순간 함께 할 테니 We’ll be together for every moment 내 곁에서 beside me

THE DANCE OKAY IM GONNA DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT ill be referring to THIS PERFORMANCE can we pls talk about how loud the fanchant is im crying and really take it in and all of their talented glory ANYWAY OF COURSE the choreography F UKCING SLAPS just so many different position changes and just alwaYS SO IN SYNC WITH EACH OTHER ITS INSANE ill just list them briefly and keep the points short this is long enough:

THE BEGINNING AND THE END BEING THE SAME...................... CERTAINLY DEJA VU-

SIYEONS TUTTING THING THANKS

handongs majestic spin

this and this with how the formation changes and how their arms swing AND the kick

ALSO in those parts in the last bullet i dunno why but i like that move jiu does when she sings IT HITS

i recall sua spoiling literally the first move of the chorus dance in that vlive THE CHORUS DANCE ALL THOSE FORMATION CHANGES LITERALLY MESS ME UP and THIS most important move in the entire choreography and they line up and its SO COOL to look at

when they lie on each other doing yoohyeons lines

handongs part again when theyre in the line and how satisfying it is to watch

THE ENTIRE BRIDGE

LITERALLY THE ENTIRE DANCE FROM START TO FINISH

QUEENS OF STABILITY

sidenote: can we talk about how handong and dami?????? literally spin during their parts????? and they sounded super clear??????

THE VISUALS SO.......................... if you had asked me two days ago (maybe a little bit of yesterday) about how i felt about this video.................. i wouldve mentioned some unpopular opinions regarding the videos look............ i mentioned to gwen @loonapunk that i wasnt TOO into it............ BUT- after finally sitting down to do this long ass post i dont hate it!!!!!!!!!!!! i think bc i have to remind myself that this song (album???? well song-) is for that kings raid game and all the visuals AND story are based off that????? i dunno BUT WHAT I DO KNOW IS I LIKE TO WATCH IT

IM TOO BIG STUPID™ TO COMPREHEND THIS STORYLINE AND COME UP WITH MY OWN THEORIES EVEN NOW AND I WOULD L O V E TO EXPLAIN IT TO YOU BUT THIS IS LONG ENOUGH AS IT IS SO ILL REDIRECT YOU TO THEORY POSTS (TWO (2) FROM MY GALAXY BRAIN MOOTS) THAT I LIKED:

@highsomnia NITAS POST WHICH I PERSONALLY FOUND ENJOYABLE TO READ SO IF YOU COULD READ THIS YOU SHOULD ALSO READ THAT

@in-somnias ELENAS POST WHICH WAS ALSO AN INTERESTING READ RIGHT HERE

AND THEN THIS ONE THAT WAS ORIGINALLY FROM TWITTER i dont follow her so im not gonna @

AIIGHT IMMA GO CRAZY WITH THESE SHOTS (with only small one/two sentence captions this is LONG ENOUGH):

BICTH I SAW THIS AND KNEW I WAS GONNA GET GOT™ like its just super duper INCREDIBLY PRETTY TO LOOK AT

THIS WILL BE FOREVER ICONIC™ DONT ARGUE WITH ME

this is what the calm before the storm looks like

went back to the mv film making video and turns out they got slippers on under that table love that for them

how in the hell am i supposed to interpret this exchange

okay longer section i think im supposed to interpret this more as a sister bond than a romantic one?????? i remember being taken aback and believed this to be something gay BUT 99.9% OF INSOMNIAS say its gay subtext so ill just put it like that i dunno but like i just wanna say they have beautiful smiles and im love them!!!

a youtuber reacting to this mv saying it just looks like theyre shading each other.................... anyway-

i CANNOT i repeat I CANNOT EXPRESS TO YOU how Shook™ i was when i saw this for the first time i basically jumped out of my chair i couldnt i-

this mv really led me to believe jiu was the evil one.............................

POETIC. CINEMA.

THE WOMAN. THE MYTH. THE LEGEND. THE FIREBENDER. THE WOLF. LEE SIYEON. pls light me up

Symbolism™................ SYMBOLISM I CANNOT COMPREHEND GO TO THE THEORIES

MORE SYMBOLISM GO TO THE THEORIES

T H E M

NOT ONLY IS THIS VIDEO SUPER AESTHETIC™ BUT THE SEVEN (7) MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN IN THE WORLD BLESSING US ONCE AGAIN WITH THEIR PRESENCE AND ALLOWED THEIR ROYALTY VIBES SHOOT INTO THE MESOSPHERE INTO REAL LIFE KILLING ALL OF US

THE DANCING SCENES WITH THE TEASER OUTFITS...................................... AT EASE.....................

LITERALLY NO COMPLAINTS MOVING ON:

JIU

L I S T E N KIM MINJI YOURE A FULL PRINCESS this pink fluffy dress with the flower crown in this picture............................ i may have cried- like a lot of people were trying this look to persephone and im HERE for that concept for her and like the white outfit AND black outfit is probably super symbolic again im too Big Stupid™ anyway when i saw that black outfit in the teaser........................... i was attacked jiu with a sword is just EVERYTHING i wanted and more

SUA

LITERALLY I CANNOT- her hair being wavy looks SO GOOD on her THIS BLACK DRESS WITH THE FLOWERS she is always a Serve™ WE KNOW THAT but her visuals just HIT DIFFERENT this time lighter colored hair really suits her and then of course she looks FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC in the dance scenes in the white and the black that low pony tail pls

SIYEON

purple on this woman just shoulders and collarbones out being Beautiful™ ALL THE WHILE staying ON BRAND with herself and was wearing pants good for her G O D i just love the way her hair looks in the white and gold outfits like it just LOOKS PRETTY to me i dunno how to describe it also her with a pony tail WHAT ARE YOU SO PRETTY FOR-

HANDONG

i just................... want closer shots of this.................. CLOSER SHOTS IN GENERAL OF HER ACTUALLY like LOOK HOW BEAUTIFUL™ SHE LOOKS HERE I WANNA SEE MORE OF IT??????? PLS??????? nothing gets me weaker than her hair being styled exactly like in the picture i just love that her royalty and regal vibes and looks were FINALLY realized and WAS BROUGHT TO THE FOREFRONT

YOOHYEON

THIS MV MUST CONVINCE ME SHE IS EVIL BY SHOWING HER FOREHEAD first of all the first outfit turning her into an Actual Entire Princess™/Queen™ that red one i dont really understand SHE MAKES IT WORK THO THEN THAT BLACK OUTFIT LISTEN yo it was like getting hit by a whole truck full speed i wasnt ready and i just wanna admire that yoohyeon and gray colored hair is an actual match made in heaven i just have to say-

DAMI

i love this suit and the patten on it so much this outfits color (what is that teal????) and her hair color is such a GOOD PAIRING and on her SHE JUST KILLED ME WITH HER SOLO SCENES i wish i had more to say about her and her outfits but what else can i say other than that she is INSANELY ATTRACTIVE AND I WANT HER TO STEP ON ME???????

GAHYEON

she really broke my neck when i saw her the first time LIKE DEADASS LOOK AT THIS PICTURE i had fallen for her and i cannot get up when i saw this outfit in the other shots like the black top and the see through sleeves but her skirt is like different colors she really Served™ in this outfit bangs usually look cute but in her solo parts she was coming for my heart like miss lee gahyeon pls-

BONUS TIME: B-SIDE TRACKS (just short thoughts and point out specific parts i liked lmao)

Intro:

their intros always slap are you kidding me-

The curse of the Spider

i wasnt ready for this bop to slap me in the face on my spotify that chorus didnt have to do that to me THAT GUITAR DIDNT HAVE TO DO THAT TO ME i love the way dami and handong sound in this song i mean wrow-

favorite lyrics (x):

소름이 끼칠 만큼 It’s chilling 도망치고 싶어질 it makes me want to run away 그런 두려움일 테니 such is this fear

Silent Night

B I H C T i knew when i heard this in the highlight it was going to be my favorite one IT REALLY WOKE SOMETHING IN ME these lyrics i cant- gahyeon and handong hurted me with their lower registers Y AL L YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE HURTED ME THAT D R O P DID

favorite lyrics (x):

겨눈 칼 끝은 a blade directed at someone 결국 돌아오게 돼 eventually returns 더 다가오지 마 don’t come closer

Polaris

this song is as if i was wrapped in the thickest blanket i got and im resting on the softest bed in the world with a fireplace going nearby and i could finally rest peacefully bc the lord knows i need it- i really cried a little bit listening to this pls leave me be i legit cant pick a specific member i liked the most for this song i just love it and everything it got

favorite lyrics (x):

그게 너라서 행복해 I’m happy that it’s you 그 많은 인연 속에 Among those numerous connections 수많은 사람 중에 Among those numerous people

LIKE im so completely satisfied with every song on this album and im completely in love with it!!!!!!!!!! the only ‘issue’ i really had was with the mv visually but as you read i warmed up to it lmao LIKE IM JUST SO PROUD OF THESE WOMEN AND HOW TALENTED AND HARDWORKING THEY ARE like i have to say the japanese release?????? and this????? being so close to each other????? you telling me they learned TWO (2) different choreographies one after the other???? i absolutely love this album and i desperately desperately DESPERATELY want so much more success for them bc ITS WHAT THEY DESERVE!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is supposed to be just about the overall mv and deja vu but i might as well just type what i feel lmao

IN CONCLUSION: MY INSOMNIA ASS IS BOTH ALIVE AND DEAD BUT MOSTLY ALIVE I LOVE THIS IM STREAMING

i have to bring this back its relevant again:

[drews-diary]

My new laptop got delivered yesterday. So, in order to get myself used to the new keyboard that is much wider than the one I was using I have decided to tell a very detailed story on here about a few very small events. 

This is going to be a recollection of my past encounters with 5sos. And I do not recommend that anybody reads it because it is going to be incredibly detailed so that I am able to look back on those days. 

The first time I ever met 5sos was back in 2017 when they played at the Pentaport Rock Festival that was held in Songdo. They played a 50 minute set that started at six on the last day of the festival which was August 13th and it was a Sunday. 5sos landed in Korea on Friday though, and I went to see them at the airport. 

I was really really so fucking nervous to see them for the first time and I wasn’t even completely sure if I had the right flight info so things were kinda crazy. I remember that day bcuz my friends and I went to the movie theater to watch the 2017 version of Beauty and the Beast and we also took pictures in the mall’s photo booth that day. We were originally going to have dinner together too but I saw that luke had posted a story of him in what looked like an airplane so i apologized to my friends and I headed home so that I could make my way to the airport. I used the LAX and Incheon airport website to figure out what flight they were on and then started to get ready.I hadn’t written my letters in advance even though I had already bought their gifts so I wrote down a few lines for each member with shaking hands. I also wrote a longer letter that was addressed to the band as a whole where I wrote down a bunch of things that I really liked to do in Seoul should they get the chance. I don’t remember the specifics of what I wrote though, I wish I took pictures of what I said to them. I remember the flight was supposed to arrive around 9:40 pm that night so I left my house at around 7:30 pm. That was probably one of my first times ever skipping a meal because I did not have dinner that day. For their gifts I got Luke a set of temporary tattoos bc he didnt have any at the time and I thought it would be funny. I got Michael a mask that said 접근금지 which is basically do not approach bc I knew he was antisocial like me and maybe he could make use of it. I got Ashton a bandanna, which I knew he hadn’t worn since 2014 but in the summer of 2017 bandannas were a really big fad in South Korean fashion and I thought it was a really funny coincidence. And finally for Calum I got matching towels for him and Duke. I remember when they stepped out into the airport I couldn’t breathe. Like, I was quite literally shaking and I couldn’t even scream. I love all four of them but I knew who’s lane I was in so I made a beeline for Calum. I tried to wait patiently but honestly I was about to start hyperventilating and people were pushing me so I just made my way up to him and asked him to sign my iPod touch which was what I carried around with me at the time because I wasnt allowed to have a smartphone until I graduated high school. Honestly I wasn’t even able to say anything because I was so nervous I just handed him the iPod and the pen and he knew what to do. Either way he signed it for me and my hands were shaking the entire time I couldn’t believe it. It is still one of my most prized posessions. I handed him my gifts that I had put into this blue ryan (the lion) shopping bag and went “this is for you” honestly i was shaking so hard and looking back I am impressed that I was even able to get out those words. He looked at the gifts and then back at me and went 

“For me? Aww, thank you”

let me tell you I nearly fucking died. He said aww to me. CALUM HOOD. SAID AWW. TO ME. fuck. And then I forgot how to talk and somebody else butted in and pushed me out of the way so I didnt get to ask him for a picture. Once I regained my senses I somehow made my way back and got a selfie with him. I later put that photo into my portion of my school’s yearbook when I graduated so that everybody in our school was forced to have a copy. While we were taking the photo my right should slightly touched him and let me tell you that felt really weird. Not to be pervy, it was just something that happened. But then they had to leave and I followed them out to their van and waved until the van was out of sight. I took the subway home that day just like how I got to the airport. I was shaking during both rides out of either anticipation or disbelieve, the difference is that on the way home I cried a little bit. 

Two days later was the day of the festival. I am going to try to keep the other details shorter but I left really earlier. I was alone that day bc I decided I would rather not show others what I looked like during their performance. I left my house and I got to the festival grounds around nine, they started letting people in at ten. I immediately ran to the main stage where they would be performing later and six so that I could wait while holding onto the fence (of course I positioned myself so that I was right in front of where Calum would be standing). We had to wait in line again because we weren’t allowed in until twelve. That day I was wearing my waste the night shirt which is still one of my favorite pieces of merch with a pair of pink shorts. I starved the entire day that day and I also made sure not to drink anything so that I wouldn’t have to go to the bathroom. I instead took 에이스 which is a type of really high calorie cracker so that I wouldn’t pass out. I also took 박카스 (a small version of energy drink) so that I could take one right before the performance to enjoy the show to the full extent. Around one o’clock bands started to play and I cheered them on with the rest of the crowd because honestly they weren’t bad and I do enjoy music festivals as a whole. But I made sure not to jump around to save up my energy. After a few bands had played, I would say around 3ish maybe the staff were getting the stage ready for the next performers and I was sitting with my back against the fence when somebody tapped my shoulder. 

When I turned around there was this lady and her friend who looked to be in their early twenties (I was seventeen at the time) and she asked me if I liked 5sos, I bet she could tell from my shirt. I told her I loved them and she said she thinks that some guy who was watching the stage from afar was Ashton, as in the drummer and that I should go and say hi. Honestly, this is one of the things that I regret most in my life, I was so surprised I forgot to thank her. I just said “really?” and then grabbed my selfie stick with my ipod attached and I ran off. Thinking back that was so rude of me this woman literally went out of her way to help me and I just ran on her. Ugh, I still think about this sometimes.

Anyways so there I was running and he was looking at the crowd waiting in front of the stage. I would say he was at about a 4? 5ish o’clock angle from the stage. When I approached him I saw that it really was Ashton and he had a body guard next to him, it wasn’t dave. The guard seemed to get wary as I approached but Ashton stepped up first and said hello to me. I am literally about to cry just remembering. I was so fucking nervous. He was wearing the white and black checkered shirt he wore on stage that day. He didn’t have his sunglasses on. Back to what happened, shit i’m shaking rn just remembering fuck. He smiled and said hello to me in a really friendly, approachable way. I was timid as fuck and so nervous so I whispered hi back. He laughed and said hi again and myself being the dumbass I am I said hi again too. This back and forth exchange of hi’s happened about four or five times, each time with ashton smiling bigger than the last and me getting closer and closer to tears just because I was so overwhelmed. Finally he busted out laughing and said “you are so adorable”

ashton. ashton irwin. ashton called me adorable. fuck. I think it was around this point that I forgot how to breathe. I spat out how much I love the band and their music. I was totally blubbering and making a mess out of myself. I was approaching tears at that moment but they hadn’t fallen yet and it was at this point that as he was thanking me and called me adorable a second time (!!) (he said something like “you are too adorable” ohmyfuckinggod), ashton went in for a hug. Whether it would have been a side hug or a full hug I will never know because I was too nervous and overwhelmed to notice. I only realized that he was going to hug me after we had parted ways. I still kick myself to this day. I should have let him hug me fuck. either way he opened up his right arm for me to step in but I didn’t move BECAUSE I DIDNT NOTICE. COME ON BITCH UGH FUCK. either way he just smiled, laughed and thanked me. I honestly wasn’t in my right mind. I told him that I went to see them at the airport but I knew he wouldn’t remember me so I just kept talking. The next thing I said to him was so fucking... ugh. I literally went “Michael is soo hot. Like, I knew he was hot but when I saw him at the airport I was so surprised because he was so much hotter than I thought he was going to be” fuck.

This is true. Personally I find all four of the boys really attractive but it’s true that people in the fandom even back then would call michael the ugly one. The reason I felt strong enough about this to say to Ashton was because when I went to the airport and saw them all in person for the first time, the other three pretty much looked exactly how I thought they would. They looked the same as when I saw them through the screen. But Michael, honestly he looked so much better in person. I dont know how to say it, but he was just one of those people who the camera never did justice. Everybody else was amazingly hot, just like they are on screen, but Michael honestly looked so much better in person. To be fair, I was shocked, and I felt really bad for him because he gets so much hate online for being “ugly” when that was far from the case.

Back to when I met Ashton. I hadn’t expected this meeting to happen, you know, so I had no idea what to say and the comment about michael being hot literally just flew out of my mouth. I didn’t have time to think okay I was totally put on the spot and I was just, I’m just surprised I didn’t faint. Thankfully, he busted out laughing again, and I got to hear that fucking beautiful laugh. The security guard cracked a smile at that one too. I am honestly still so embarrassed about this ugh what did i do. Either way, Ashton laughed at what I said and then told me he would make sure to tell Michael. It was at this point that I figured I had overstayed my welcome. I hadn’t realized it at first because I was too excited about the opportunity to meet him but I felt like I was taking up too much of his time. He probably just wanted to get a look at the stage and here I was, a crazy fan barely breathing, probably red in the face telling him how much I love him and how hot I thought his band member is. Fuck, it’s still humiliating to this day. At least he probably won’t remember it. So i’m the only one left with the embarrassing memory. And here I am writing it all down so that I never forget. 

I quickly asked him if he could tell Calum that I love him. He didn’t hear me at first and said “huh?” I repeated myself and he said he would. And I know that that was incredibly cringey of me but fuck it I said what I said. It was true and it is still true. Honestly, if I ran into Ashton in the streets tomorrow, I would still ask him to tell Calum that I love him because that is just how true that statement is. I then told him that I would be going. I remember mumbling something like “I don’t want to bother you” At this point I still couldn’t properly breathe. He said something along the lines of “oh no, you’re not bothering me” but I knew better and said “no, it’s okay.” And that’s how the interaction ended. I told him I hoped he had a good time in South Korea and I walked back to the stage where I had placed my bag to save my spot. I looked back a couple of times while I was walking and he waved, which I of course had to wave back to. Once I got to my spot I spent a few minutes trying to breathe. When I looked back to where he was he and the body guard were gone. 

A few things about this interaction. First, something I feel absolutely horrible about is that I never told him that I love him. I know it probably doesn’t matter because he’s Ashton Irwin and I’m just a fan but still. I told him how much I love his band and their music and his bandmates, fuck I even asked him to pass along the message to Calum that I love him yet I didn’t tell him that he is also somebody that I love so, so, so fucking much. I still feel so horrible about this to this day I regret it so much. This is what happens when people who are not good at talking to others are suddenly put into a conversation, they forget everything that they want to say, everything that they mean and that they should say and instead just spit out bullshit like omg ur bandmate is so much better looking in person honestly what the fuck drew. that was honestly unintentionally so rude of me. I FORGOT TO TELL HIM THAT I LOVE HIM. I FORGOT TO TELL SOMEONE I LOVE WITH ABSOLUTELY MY ENTIRE HEART THAT I LOVE HIM!! honestly what is the matter with me.

The second thing i wanted to add in is the fact that I didn’t get a picture. When I ran towards him it was with my selfie stick and iPod in hand, but I made sure to keep it down in case he didn’t want to take pictures because while we were in a public setting this still wasn’t work time for him and I didn’t want to ask him to take a picture with me if he didn’t want to. And while he didn’t directly say no pictures he had to have noticed my selfie stick but he didn’t say anything that implied he was cool with taking pictures right now so I just didn’t ask. I thought it would be a long shot too but I still took it just in case. I told myself as I was walking up to him that unless he brought it up first I wouldn’t ask for a picture so I am completely fine with what happened. I still think I pretty much intruded on his private time so I didn’t want to force him to do anything. 

I still feel really bad that I didn’t get to thank that amazing nice lady who let me know that Ashton was there. Fuck, I looked around for her afterwards and I think I caught a glimpse of her at some point in the crowd but when I got to where she was she was already gone. I wish I could say thank you even now. Honestly, I must have seemed so rude from her point of view. I just was so overwhelmed and I wasn’t thinking properly and I feel so bad to this day. I don’t remember what she was wearing and if I saw her walking along the street I probably couldn’t recognize her but I still am so sorry and sooo thankful. 

The performance that day was the first time I saw 5sos live. Actually, it was the only time so far but I hope that changes soon and I get to see them again when this whole pandemic is over. It was absolutely amazing. I don’t even know how to put it into words. It was just everything I had ever hoped for and more. I took videos the entire time with the limited equipment that I had. I supplied videos that day to 5sos stan twitter update accounts. It was a good time. I think that performance, the 50-minute set was one of the happiest moments of my life. not joking. 

This ended up being a lot longer than I thought it would be. But that’s okay. I’m probably going to be the only one to ever read it anyways and the fact that it’s long means that it’s detailed right? It probably just means that I monologued a shit-ton. The purpose of this blog is for it to be my diary anyways so who cares. 

But still, shit this ended up being pretty long. I guess I’ll have to write about my encounters with 5sos that happened in 2018 and 2019 some other time. Probably after finals, which I am procrastinating from studying for right now. 

Also, I wrote the beginning of this sometime in January I think but it is currently June so yeah that sure says a lot about me I guess. Hopefully, I’ll write again soon bc i sure do have a lot of fucking shit to say.

This has been an entry about the two encounters that I had with 5 seconds of summer back in 2017. I know shit’s pretty bad these days and the fandom is basically on fire constantly but I still wanted to write down the good memories that I have. Hopefully I’ll come back soon to write about the times I saw them in 2018 and 2019. I hope I get to see them this year too, but that’s probably not going to happen. I’ll also come back and add details about these incidents when I remember them later on. I want this to be as detailed as possible so that I can come back and read this again and remember everything. I’m not sick, I just have a bad memory. Better come quick to record what happened the other times I met 5sos before I lose the memories. 

[cubedmango]

i have not had time yet to sit down and rewatch the final episode to write comprehensive thoughts but i did absolutely need to tell u i looked at the endings songs lyrics like right before work and i was just like. on the floor. in so much pain. I CAN SEE WHY U LEFT IT TO THE END BC IT HITS SO HARD.... LIKE WHAT ARE THE LYRICS SO SWEET FOR??? my god like first we have "like, say, its cold out but your smile is all warm" IM SICK!!! MY HEARTS SO WARM HEARING THAT... ADACHIS SMILE IS HIS WARMTH...

AUGH YEAH literally at first i wasnt gonna translate the song bc i wasnt sure if i could do it well but i had to do it anyway for ep4 so i did the whole song and let me tell u . the experience of reading those original lyrics and Finally Getting What They Really Mean Was . Something Else I Swear ..... then i jst knew i had to post it after ep13 so it would Hit Hard for everyone else too 😔 (putting the rest of ur asks under the cut for length akfjkdsf)

2/ "every chance comes after endless waiting" im just remembering how live action drama kurosawa was in love with adachi for like 7 years or some crap and like ok im normal totally ... "want to muster courage, hold your hand just once" IM SO. IM SOOO NORMAL ABOUT THESE LINES... its such a simple request and yet it means the absolute world... and the way both of them sang the line... and im just. i remembering ur headcanon how adachi thought he may had only one last time to hold kurosawas hand

THE SEVEN YEARS DONT REMIND ME GOD !!!!!!!!! now ur making me think of the song in la drama kurodachi context w kurosawas Extended yearning and domestic dreams and .hhrhf . .jj jhwhejhjj !! kdjdhvk, jfh (<- having a very normal one)

why would u hurt me w my own hc Hey Hello . Ouch????? when they just wanna hold hands? ???? ???? (curls up and cries)

3/ "let the world lend me to you and bare its heart" ITS SO PRETTY?? IDK SOMETHING ABOUT HOW THEY LIKE PERSONIFY THE WORLD IS JUST VERY GORGEOUS TO ME.... "your throne's made of plenty love and praises / riches in form of many's first love / yet how's it that you hoard all that love just for me" how. how did you survive this. im on the floor. was thinking abt this all day. I GET IT U GUYS ARE IN LOVE KUROSAWAS ABSOLUTE DEVOTION TO ADACHI. just how his whole heart his everything goes to his love

YEAAHH the world as a metaphor for love and acceptance is [chefs kiss] So Good

i did not survive it i think abt those lines All the time ....... i did tweak them a liiitle bit in favor of matching the og syllable count (and creative liberty) but i hope i got the same idea across????? anyways kurosawa having so many ppls (superficial) love yet he keeps all of his love for adachi only no matter if it got reciprocated or not bc adachi saw past his perfection and Saw Him As A Goddam Person . they make me so sick in the head help

4/ "wait to meet me at the crossroads of life" i rlly like how kurosawas the one singing this line?? bc usually it's kurosawa doing the "waiting" until adachis is ready but this time hes calling out to him to wait for him? and im just? i have to lie down?? like this is not ok??? "though the world never once kissed my forehead" makes my heart hurt and "you still have me going on my tiptoes" i think of the cover art where he is on his tiptoes to kiss kurosawa i think and im just :>

SO TRUEEE when both of them wait for each other and they walk forward together ....... i cant express emotions in words anymore i need crycat pics

oh god speaking of the cover art kiss ive been meaning to draw that ep13 scene w adachi on his tippy toes for the longest fucking time i just. my face gets so red when i make any ship content beyond like holding hands so u can imagine the kind of stress im under . also kisses are inherently a bitch to draw i hate them !!!!! still gonna keep trying tho

5/ "if the world doesn't bare its heart to your eyes / then please let me hold your hand for it instead" IM JUST. THE HAND HOLDING. THEY JUST WANT TO HOLD HANDS.... and again i still think the whole thing abt the world is so pretty you know? ok ok and now where im tooootally ok and fine but "i long to sleep with you on one pillow / fall into shared dreams as i turn around / at the time please dont break them at bedside" THE DOMESTIC IMAGE? JUST WANTING TO BE TOGETHER IN SUCH A WAY? LIKE HEY????

thinks abt kurodachi having each other no matter what happens in their lives. holding hands despite it all. explodes

THE DOMESTICITY OF IT ALL !!!!!!! ITS SO SIMPLE YET IT HITS SO MUCH ...........

i dont remember what number i was on bc reacting to that last line just made me go through all the emotions again IM JUST. SOOOOO. how can such a small and simple request mean the world... mean the future... mean so much... i want them to enjoy such peaceful days forever and always and be in love till the end of time!!!! ok finally "a dream most sweet is that your smile is all warm" im on the floor. destroyed. thank you so much for these translations!!! I TRULY APPRECIATE IT I HAVE TO LAY DOWN

i am wishing rd kurodachi a very I Hope They Are Living Their Best And Happiest Lives Together And Forever (remembers manga vol 6-9 plots theyd hypothetically also go through) oh god oh fuck- (remembers vol 10 plot theyd hypothetically go through) OH WAIT-

LIES DOWN ALSO sorry abt the destroying i had no choice i was compelled by a dark force into writing that line . and again ty for yelling abt the sons w me im excited for ur ep13 rewatch asks kdjsfkjs

[starrcrossrose]

Here's what DBZ has done for me in only the last year

(Mind you, I've only been dedicated to watching for about 2 years, but that makes the last year even more amazing bc of the short time span)

This will be sort of a long post. But if you like sappy stuff like me, then read along!

1. It made me draw more

I was hardly ever drawing since I started my full-time, adult job in phone retail bc my stress levels were high and my creativity low. But ever since really delving into the DBZ series, I'm constantly in a mood to draw something. (Bless you, Yuya Takahashi, my art brain short-circuited when I started the Majin Buu arc)

2. I made new friends

I have nothing against the friends I currently have. Hell, the ones I still DO have since high school are my ride-or-die's. But, to have the ability to make new friends (and not bc of them being coworkers that I spend nearly every day with) just off of something we all share a passion for? Amazing. I even have one new friend I text like, every day and she is the sweetest thing. And all because we bonded originally over our love for DBZ! I'm now part of a group chat of girl who love Vegeta (bc, come on, how can you not?) and have found so much amazing art and writing that I even bought my first fanzine and have been planning on meeting most of these guys/gals in person someday!

3. It made me stop caring what others think

Ok, maybe not completely. Life and human emotion is a little more complicated than that. But, as I've made these new friends and seen their passion and creativity for a fandom that has been kicking and screaming (literally) for like, 20+ years is so AWESOME. And in observing this, and as my own love for the show grew, I started branching into territory I had never ventured to before, creatively. I started doing fanart. I started writing fanfiction which is something I never thought I would be able to do. I even posted publicly to my lifelong friends and family (some of whom used to make fun of me for liking anime when I was a kid) that I just didnt care anymore. I wanted to like what I wanted to like, and to have fun, dammit. I may have always seen like the type of person to do or say or wear whatever, but my mind was always thinking of what others thought of me. I no longer want to, and I've been slowly really growing out of that self-consciousness for a while without me realizing it. All because I was so in love with the world and characters of a fiction that ppl grew up on.

4. It taught me to keep fighting for myself

Listen. In our shitstorm of a world as of late, my mind was a mess. I was constantly living in the past, constantly fighting back anxiety and stress in waves that were often debilitating. I even rode the roughest wave of depression in YEARS, to the point of wanting to give up on ever doing something arts related again. But, I was still watching DBZ, still delving into the story of characters I had grown to love, and it was the ONE really bright thing I cared about that wasnt my husband at the time. On top of all that, watching DBZ has been, not quite a distraction, but a coping mechanism for a good/bad/sick day throughout the entire year. It has made me want to grow as a person, to be someone better and stronger than the person I am today. I've always been headstrong in my dreams, but adulting really wanted to suck those things out of me for good. DBZ has made me realize there is a shared passion in a show so beloved, that it has opened multiple doors of conversation for me, even at work! (I have Vegeta on my phone case, lol)

5. DBZ has taught me to never give up

This is such a cliche, something a lot of people have said about this show. But, to reference back to the above points, I really did want to give up everything early this year. I wanted to quit my job, to move states, to be alone. I wanted to never write or draw again bc "I was never going to be good enough" (silly me) to be recognized. But, with the comfort and assurance of my husband (God bless him) and through the comfort of watching a show that filled me with joy, I grew. My husband and I sold our art at a local parsde and actually made a profit! (Small profit, but I was expecting to only break even, so I was very surprised.) My favorite character in the show ended up being Vegeta, which surprised no one who knows me, but for reasons that I've come to understand bc, at first, I didnt know why I liked him so much. But, I began to get it. A character like Vegeta, who is constantly being one-upped, constantly being viewed as 2nd best, constantly struggling and training to be better, was exactly how I felt. And sometimes, I still feel that way. The art world is incredible, but also cruel and overwhelming. It's easy to beat ourselves up, but much harder to push ourselves off the ground when random people like to kick artists while we're down. .But, I brushed myself off, got to my feet, and basically gave the middle-finger to the world and to myself for ever considering giving up. I would be stronger. I would be better, in every aspect of my passions and dreams, and I would NOT give up. I wanted to be like Vegeta who, through growth and reflection, took pride not only in who he was, but eventually, in his OWN strength.

In Short (lol):

DBZ has literally changed my life in such a short span of time. And I am forever grateful to my husband for finally sitting my ass down and making me watch it, and also to the fandom, who has been nothing but supportive and friendly in my short time here. Thank you, Akira Toriyama, and thank you Toei Animation. You've literally helped a person who needed to see a show like this one more than she ever thought she would.

[dykeserket]

ok i was not planning on writing that much <- me when i literally make any post. anyway its under a read more. first three paragraphs is just me complaining abt 8tracks the rest are updates/ramblings about how the project is going on if anyones interested :p

8tracks is literally so broken fr its sooooo annoying. like i couldnt delete playlists from collections for the longest time till i found out that if theres more than one tab open you cant delete??? playlists??? which. annoying since i play music on one tab and work on organizing on the other but whatever. so it was fine and working and i was able to delete a bunch of playlists/collections.

occasionally it got fucked up again so i just deleted the tab and it seemed to fix it until. i was splitting the rose collection into rose and grimdark rose and. it would Not let me delete. like i closed and reopened the tab so many times. i refreshed. i SHUT DOWN MY COMPUTER and it STILL DIDNT WORK!!!!!!!! SO i made a new rose playlist and manually transferred them all to it before changing the name of the original to ‘delete’ so when i regained the ability to i could

but then. as i was working on another playlist. i regained my ability to delete (as well as move playlists around in a collection which is ALSO something i wasnt able to do) and i was so overjoyed. finally….i could delete this playlist…and as i went to go click delete….nothing happened. IT STOPPED WORKING AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am fuming rn i hate 8tracks layout so much no wonder it shut down this web design is absolute shit

anywayy im currently organizing the collections on 8tracks itself for ease of access and archiving :D im gonna make a masterlist of all character/relationship/misc collections WITH the amount of playlists in each. my thoughts are that if there are collections that people want me to do then they can request and ill focus working on that! esp for smaller characters/relationships that dont have many playlists. and also its nice to be able to see it all in an organized list

currently i have about 2,300 hs playlists in collections out of the 5,800 playlists in the hs tag on 8tracks. i got an idea of making one giant collection with all hs playlists in there (or all the ones i have in my current collections) so if i go to save a playlist i can easily see if its already in a collection. plus i can actively see how many i have archived compared to the amount in the hs tag. my plan is once theres about 1000 left then ill just go to the bottom of the tag and work my way up to see if i can find any playlists i missed <- i knowww i said i wasnt gonna archive them all but im a little bitch and i like completion

on that note some other things: ill be rewriting my pinned post since i did it in one sitting at like 2 am and its not very good LOL and i already have the character masterlist written i just need to finish making some collections and updating my lists

i still need to make the relationship playlist masterlist which will be a lot harder since for characters i just grouped them in their respective character groups. but for relationships thats harder. since on one hand i can definitely do that even if it might get a little specific. but on the other hand i kind of want to do it by popularity [ex. 100+ playlists, 50+ playlists, under 5] but thats really messy and it would be hard to navigate esp for smaller ships but good in a statistical pov. idk i might make both and people can use whichever works better for them

one last thing i want to clarify: i always say ‘relationship’ and not ‘ship’ playlists bc not every playlist that involves more than one person is romantic. it could involve romance/friends/family/strangers/etc etc. its just any playlist that features more than one person. also im going to be categorizing all relationships by saying ——— and ——— instead of any ship names bc i find this is better to address relationships playlists since not everyone views their playlist the same way. esp in a fandom like hs where we have officially 4 types of romance! and not to mention family relationships and such. just a little clarification

[saintkimora]

ok……..here is the long awaited post of what happened on saturday night! (Last Saturday night btw not yesterday night) ive been too busy to post about it until now but it is juicy

so as i said on saturday, joel and i were texting on and off that day but it was weird as usual. so after i showered i wrote out a text to him saying that even though we havent been communicating much recently i still miss him and think about him all the time and that i appreciate the chances i do get to talk to him. so i sent this message but literally the second it sent i got a message from him. like we sent our texts at the same time. so i started reading his text and it started with “perry……im really sorry but what we have isnt working out” skafjhkajdhfkjads so i felt like a jolt in my legs and had to sit down. so he sent this long ass breakup text and here are the basic points that he used

he isnt ready for a relationship/exclusivity (even though HE was the one who literally deleted all his dating apps the day after we met bc he wanted to focus on pursuing me)

he hasnt been making the effort and i deserve someone who does

he hasnt been opening up and he is aware of that bc he knows he isnt ready

i deserve someone who is in a better place in their life than he is rn/someone who has their stuff together

i dont deserve what hes putting me through

he wants time to be single and make mistakes and regret them (stupid ass reasoning btw)

he knew using texts was the wrong way to end it but he wasnt strong enough to do it in person

he apologized if i feel like i wasted my time on him/if i regret anything ive done w him (since the last time i saw him before this was when i had sex with him)

hes sorry that he isnt treating me better

not my fault at all

so yeah that was the text! i didnt even read it fully until later on like i skimmed it and called him immediately and asked if we could talk in person (ofc i got all choked up trying to ask and almost started crying over the phone) so he said yes he owes me that much so i grabbed my tissue box, tried to put on my shoes (my mom had to help me bc i was shaking too much) and drove to his apartment and then sprinted to his apartment from where i parked a block away. i got there and his roommates werent home so it was just him. he opened the door and i said hi and he let me in and it was v solemn so we went into his room and sat on his bed and this is where the drama really started

so i was like “can i have a hug” and he was like “yes” so we hugged and i started crying. so we hugged for a while and then we separated and i was like “ok so explain why you want to end this” so he started explaining it to me. i was crying and he was crying too but i was crying more obv! i was like bawling. his eyes were red and tears were falling and he was sniffling but he wasnt like crying hard

so he just explained that he was in a bad place when he met me and he still is in that bad place (in reference to his depression) and how its not me its him and how i deserve someone who puts in the effort and doesnt distance themselves from me and actually has the time to see me and i was annoyed bc caleb did the same thing and i am sick of other guys telling me whats best for me like *vicki from rhoc voice* how do you know whats best for me? and like obv just bc you have depression doesnt mean you dont deserve love, like he said he still liked me and wanted to be with me and how it was breaking his heart to have to do this so i did not want him to end something just bc he felt he didnt deserve me or that he wasnt worthy of my love or anything like that 

so he also explained how he wasnt ready to settle down and i was like sis we arent even officially boyfriends yet, its not like im asking you to marry me and have kids lmfao and he said he wasnt ready for exclusivity so i was like “does that mean you wanna fuck other guys?” and he was like “i dont know” so ????? and he was like “im feeling conflicted” so i was like wtf is going on in here on this day

also i asked if his roommates were home and he said no he was home alone tonight and that was part of why he was feeling so bad and its like sis…..if being alone makes you feel worse then making yourself even more alone by breaking up w me doesnt seem like the best way to fix that! and i told him that i was free tonight and he couldve just invited me over if he was feeling lonely and he was like “i thought you would be busy” like sis literally the only times i am ever busy on saturday nights is when im with him!! lmao

he also said he wasnt opening up bc he couldnt/wasnt ready for it yet, but like i wasnt asking him to open up like all i wanted was for him to put a modicum of effort into our conversations just to show that he cared, like we can just keep doing fun things like im not asking him to get all deep and vulnerable with me (although i would love that too)

so we just had a very emotional time, i was crying my eyes out nonstop and he was lightly crying as well, there was lots of hugging and holding and stuff so like i was really really REALLY losing it like i was so MESSSSSSSSSSYYYY like i was just getting all in my feelings and saying all the things im gonna miss about him and like apologizing for anything i did wrong/apologizing for not being enough for him and like it was really really bad. but i was still also cracking jokes like a dumbass throughout the whole thing lmao bc i like to find the humor in things

i decided to mention that i was originally planning to ask him to be my bf officially on our next date (that plan had changed since he became cold and distant the past week or two but originally i was planning on doing it on the next date after i got back from the retreat) just bc i was being emotional

at one point he was laying on the bed and i was sitting on the edge of it crying (and covering my face bc im an ugly crier even though he’d already seen plenty of footage of me crying at this point) and he held out his arms and was like “come here” and i was like “no” and looked away and he was like “please” like that was very satisfying bc it showed that he needed comforting as well at that moment

at one point i was just laying on my side rolled up in a ball scream crying into my hands now THAT was messy. it was nice though bc joel moved in behind me and tried to hold me and calm me down. speaking of calming down! there were some points where i got like………REALLY bad like i was breathing so hard and fast it was troubling but whenever i had a wave of that joel held me and tried to soothe me and help me breathe

i even offered to have an open relationship if he wanted (bc this was during the exclusivity convo) bc i was just trying to grasp at any straws i could at the moment in the hopes of reaching an agreement or just stalling for time so i could move past his walls and get through to him. in reality i would never even consider it bc it is definitely not for me but at the moment i was desperate. he said no though bc he knows i wouldnt want that and he said he didnt want me to compromise myself for him

so then this is when we reached the turning point. so joel was laying down and i was like half sitting on the bed/half laying on him. and i said something along the lines of “you dont have to go through this alone, i wanna be there for you” and like when i said alone he lost IT! like we had a breakthrough he started bawling just like i was this whole time!! obviously it was hard for me to see him in that state but it was also kinda nice to see how much he cared 

but then he started breathing really fast and he was like “i think im having a panic attack” so i was like uh oh so i was like omg do you want me to get off of you or something but he was like no stay here so i kept holding him and tried to help him ride it out. but then he choked out the words “i think im making the wrong decision” like !!!! i have never felt such a strong feeling of hope in my life! but i was just like its fine dont worry about it just breathe and btw during this event he was laying on his side so he was looking to the side while i was kinda on top of him so i was like at him. so then he turned to look me directly in the face and………………………

he said “I love you!” like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hearing that made me SO so happy so i was like “i love you too!” and we hugged and kissed and then he was like “ask me!!” and i was like “ask you what???” and he was like “ask me what you were gonna ask me before!” and i was like “OH! joel……will you be my boyfriend?” and he was like “YES!” and then we hugged again and laughed and made out and it was really really passionate even though we were both gross with tears and runny noses, like it might have even been the most passionate kissing ive ever had! it was a very emotionally intimate moment and i loved it

so then he was like “im sorry” and i was like dont worry about it lmao so then we just continued cuddling and kissing and stuff for a while. he told me that he knew i loved him back bc during my breakdown i said “i really really really really liked you” and he said he knew i wanted to say i loved you lol

he also said hes gonna try to open up more and put more of an effort in so!! that was nice

so it was hot in his room and we were all sweaty on top of being gross from crying so we showered together which is always fun. and during the shower he was very touchy and he would like press his body against mine and give little kisses on like my chest or my back which i really loved. we also did some sexual stuff too

then we got out and dried off and he finally said he would watch flavor of love with me!! so we watched a few eps and it was super fun. then we cuddled until we fell asleep holding each other which is always one of my fave parts of our dates. he was very affectionate and sweet and i really liked it. then we fell asleep and in the morning i had to go home bc i had work or something

so yeah thats it! it made me really happy that he said i love you (and that he said it to me first!!) and i made sure he knew that he could always ask me for anything he needed if he was feeling down again or something. so now fast forward to today he is back to texting me every day and being an active and engaging texter! and i went over to do homework with him on monday night which was fun! and then on friday night he invited me over at like midnight and we got checkers and then we hung out and cuddled and watched more flavor of love. and then we did some more sexual things which was really fun! he was really really into me again and he literally is the hottest guy ive ever met so i enjoyed getting to make him feel good and stuff

on friday the 13th i am taking the gsa eboard + jami w me to go see the addams family musical at his school since he is part of the pit orchestra so that will be fun! i am very happy to have joel back and i am even happier that we are officially boyfriends now! and its so so so nice to get i love you texts again!! overall i am very happy with how things turned out and i am glad i fought to make it work instead of just seeing the text and being like ok bye

[jazzmckay]

i bought the original fallout games, here is a semi-liveblog of how fo1 went, with pictures. this is a very long wall of text and image heavy combo post

lots of spoilers, obviously

warnings for video game animal death, sadly

- i made a character with stats that are heavily recommended for a smooth fo1 playthrough since i wasnt sure how well i’d take to the old mechanics and such, but i definitely plan to replay sometime with an unarmed build instead because unarmed is My Jam

- in shady sands, i found a book with a cat on it in a bathroom that gave this message

i looked it up later because I Had To Know and it turns out its pornography. the vault dweller can thoroughly inspect this book in their inventory and still have no idea what it is. amazing.

- other than recruiting ian, nothing too interesting happened in the shady sands/vault 15 portion of the game

horned kangaroos. sure

- got to junktown and stumbled into dogmeat mostly by accident, i was just passing by and SUDDENLY DOG. he’s beautiful and bites people a lot and i love him. here is a random picture just because

- ian keeps shooting dogmeat accidentally. ian youre fired

- every time i pick up something new i expect there to be a purpose to it (the first time i looted a lighter i was sure i’d need it for SOMETHING) but it seems to be the equivalent of picking up an ashtray in later games: useless and valueless. for instance

- i keep forgetting to put away my weapons before going into non-hostile towns and one of these days im just gonna make everyone mad at me probably

- tandi is lovely, she’s one of my favourite characters. i had to start the “save tandi from the khans” mission a couple times because the first time i did it i had enough speech to just get tandi and leave and like. i love the great khans in fnv so i didnt wanna kill them all but there were Noticeably Distressed People asking for help so i had to do it. and then tandi got killed. so eventually i just got the fighting out of the way first and lockpicked her out on my own

- then i got to the First Deathclaw. sup harold, who later becomes a tree

“gonna kill it”  what a good and accurate dialogue option.

- the deathclaw killed tycho twice and i reloaded until we all survived, idk why it kept going after tycho instead of me, apparently tycho looks more leaderly than i do rip. anyway that allowed me to get really close w/o much danger so i could just shoot it in the eyes it was fine

- i got the water chip back to the vault with plenty of time left over. unfortunately it seems i should have gone back to visit earlier for a couple more quests but alas, i missed them. i also have a quest in junktown thats bugged and i probably wont be able to finish it rip

excuse me that was a unique gun

(i ended up reloading anyway and got it back. i decided i didnt want to kill any of the feral ghouls in necropolis if it could be avoided and it turns out their perception is garbage, so it is indeed possible)

excuse me x2

the bodies around the glow. pff

- speaking of the glow, it was very stressful. i triggered almost every single trap, probably, and also didnt think of the fact that i could kill the robots while they were still deactivated until after id gone through a pretty nasty fight with a batch of them. it was mostly fine though, other than having to get dogmeat to stay put somewhere a couple times bc tycho kept shooting him with shotgun burst fire. tycho youre also fired and im taking the fancy shotgun back.

- also there was sooo much good but heavy loot in that place GOD i did not have the inventory space. my need to hoard everything and pawn off stuff to get The Most Caps Possible made it very difficult. might go back sometime if im allowed? i have enough rad-x for it, in any case (spoiler alert i was way too distracted and busy with everything else to try going back)

- joined the brotherhood, got power armour, am still overcapacity even with the strength stat boost. need to find some merchants with refreshed inventory.

- the brotherhood tech looks so fancy in this game. its so. clean? i guess part of that might be that it isnt as far away from the war yet and its a high end bunker but damn

- also got one of my fav fallout weapons ever the power fist!!!

ayyy! since my build is more for guns, i ended up giving it to ian and hes pretty incredible with it so it works out.

- finally made it down to the boneyard/adytum. everyone here is grumpy and sketchy. i spent a lot of time trying to talk to anyone i could and get information before making any quest commitments

including a fella who gave me a tarot reading!!!

- the adytum deathclaws were pretty damn easy to deal with, with power armour and a sniper rifle. pretty much just baited them from a distance so they wasted movement getting close while getting sniper crits lmao i have a ton of perks for higher crit chance/damage and it def helped

- GOT KATJA AND I LOVE HER. im always picking up her knives for her but im willing to do this for her because i love her. (once i got a chance to juggle inventory i gave her a ripper so i no longer had to pick up the throwing knives, i just get to watch her saw everything up with one knife in particular its great)

- anyway the radioactive goo around the gun runners base posed a much more lethal opponent than the deathclaws. all four of my companions took turns ignoring the BRIDGE OF SAFETY to just walk across the goo a couple times no matter how i moved or where i told dogmeat to sit for a bit. hell

i love this

- the followers of the apocalypse always have and always will be my favourite faction of fallout. i really enjoyed chatting with everyone there in between taking down the regulators. it seems they liked me enough to send me backup for taking on the cathedral, which is kind of them but proved to... cause complications. more on that later

- got back to the brotherhood bunker to do some inventory management and misc. quests because after enough faffing about i decided it was time to deal with the cathedral. i liked the idea of starting with the master and taking out the head so to speak before going to the military base to clean up afterwards. i got everyone as armoured and well equipped as i could and headed down

how do you do fellow kids!!

- talked to laura from the followers and she let me into the back room with the staircase, all while im being followed by like four followers invaders. i am so obviously Trouble, surrounded by followers of the apocalypse but i guess thats fine

- THE PROBLEM IS. THEY GET IN THE WAY. the staircase leads to areas with very little space to move around and i had to reload like 5 times for no reason other than the followers were in my way and i couldnt do a single damn thing. they also made it impossible to be stealthy, even when i could get around them because id have to circle around so much id get spotted easier. just a nightmare. in future playthroughs ill just avoid getting help from the followers i guess :(

- so because of all that i ended up going a route i didnt really want to: completely diplomatic. im a huge fan of diplomacy and resolving issues without violence in fallout games but this was actually a rare situation where i preferred to do a little shooting. sometimes you gotta. i wanted to go through the cathedral manually, loot a lot of corpses, and take on the master in combat, but the only way to get the job done without half my companions dying because the followers of the apocalypse where in the way was to convince morpheus to take me directly to the master and use speech/the sterility holodisk to talk the master down. sigh

- at least we got to shoot some stuff on the way out, but with the countdown to detonation going, i wasnt sure how much time id have to look around/loot so pretty much just went through running and gunning

rest in fuckin pieces

- decided to just get every single special stat implant that i hadnt already taken. we’re heading into the endgame now and i figured i might as well go all out. time to get us all into perfect order. this includes my poor puppy dogmeat who had had an injured leg since a fight in the hub before i went to the boneyard. my doctor skill was really bad and im not sure if theres any other way to heal a companions limbs, so after my post-cathedral level up, i put all my points into doctor just to help out my sweet baby boy

- military base time lads here we go

- i bullshit and lockpick my way in through the front door without having to fire a single shot. cool

- inside theres a lot of mutants and computers and forcefields. i sneak to a computer and change a whole bunch of settings, not really understanding what im actually doing, somehow this kills 3 of the mutants? i go over there and sneak kill the last in that area and poke around the other computers. some new force fields come on but theyre yellow instead of red. they still hurt. what is the meaning of this. i never really figured it out 

- i wasnt sure what else to do at this point and there was a red force field over the elevator door still so i say fuck it if this goes bad ill just reload and attack the room with like 10 mutants hanging about. it goes REALLY WELL until one of the brotherhood fires off a rocket

THANKS IT WAS COMPLETELY USELESS

- so i reloaded because i refuse to let this be a thing and i pickpocketed all the ammo off rocket man over here. try and slaughter half my team now, fool. 

- this definitely went much better:

im the stealth man 

- after this all thats left really is dealing with the lt., getting the access codes, and blowing this popsicle stand. unfortunately the lt. fight results in the death of my good pup boy dogmeat rip. i really wanted to reload and save him but honestly im not sure i could do much better than no casualties other than dogmeat. i very nearly lost katja and ian as well. in another playthrough, now that i know wtf im doing, i think i could do better, but with this playthrough i think saving 3/4 companions is pretty dang good

- here we go again with the countdown to detonation. on the way out of the elevator, one of the remaining brotherhood dudes got in my way just like the followers at the cathedral. i killed him and didnt feel too bad about it bc literally no other option but to reload and i just wanted Out Of There with what was left of my companions

- i took screenshots of the slideshow at the end but its a lot and all pretty standard, i think. other than the sad fate of necropolis (which im not sure how to avoid, if its even possible?), i think i got all the “good ending” stuff

- aaand back to vault 13

yo dog fuck u

i mean whatever, i didnt really want to go back to the vault anyway.

i know what the canon vault dweller does because i know who the player character in fallout 2 is already but my vault dweller is probably happy to go back to some of the places she visited on her journey and leave the vault behind. i imagine she revisited all the places she’d been to check in on everyone and then wander north (with..... katja........) and eventually settle down and blah blah spoilers for fallout 2 which i will be playing soon probably [thumbs up]

[survivorkomnata]

Episode #9: "Anyone wanna speak up?" - Zach

they tRIED IT SDLGKDMSKLGM

ok so miguel was voted off 5-4-1 miguel/ME??/luke. the four people who voted me were stephen / ally / jess / luke. thankfully, i could count on the Kato 2.0 people on having my back. we also just made an alliance!!! because FUCK my og alliance with stephen/ally/(and karthik). and I STILL HAVE AN IDOL.

ok i'm just shook. i lowkey thought maybe alyssa was playing me but.. she wasnt. she saved me and i owe her for that. i hope it doesnt really hurt her position in the game but she's by far playing the best i think.

i'm just shook. i'm not mad at anyone. i apologize for how i acted post-tribal but oMGGGfgGgG these BITCHES|!!! it's the game tho, and i hope i can keep on kicking and swinging cuz im gonna fight tooth and nail in this game.

also it's so funny idk why but me saying the last line was ALGKDLSGK i still laugh:

anyone wanna speak up?

(ill give more later im just.. frazzled)

Ummm so about that fucking vote. WTF IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?! WE HAD THE CHANCE OF TAKING OUT A FORMER WINNER AND A PROVEN CHALLENGE BEAST! I'm convinced the IQ of this person who flipped is a -20 because.. that was the stupidest move in the existence of Tumblr Survivor..... and I'm the QUEEN of the House of Stupid Moves. I can declare it.

I'm not 1000% sure right now who it is but I have two guesses.

My first guess is: It was Ally.

Reasons: 1. Ally has admittedly worked with Zach in another Survivor game. 2. She also arguably had the MOST contact out of everyone with Zach all day. 3. She possibly wants to pin this vote on Alyssa to break up any possible alliance between myself/Stephen/ Alyssa. 4. She wants to break up me and Alyssa 5. The group of Karth/Zach/Ally is a thing?

My second guess is: Alyssa Reasons: 1. If Zach left she is the next biggest threat here. 2. She wanted a shield. 3. She's trying to build as many relationships with people as possible to cover her social fucking ass. 4. She hates me and wants to off me and will use Zach to kill me in this game.

I honestly don't even know if my predictions are correct here but... I sort of hope they are and I don't look dumb in the future.

My plan going forward is: to not create a bigger mess that was already created.

XOXOXO Jessip Girl.

I'd also like to add another reason why I think it's Alyssa is because Miguel was one of the people who tried to vote her off.

THANK U

Wow!! An attempted blindside gone wrong. This was really exciting and fun. These are the reasons I play this game for, finally happy to see these happening. A lot of lies and betrayal all of which is understandable but these things has got me pumped up. I am going to play with my emotions and they have triggered me. Time to start playing the game and play it hard. An attack on Zach is an attack on me, so they better be prepared to handle my rage.I feel this was a very good tribal in terms of the game as it makes its future bright and exciting. Luke....what are you doing??? Everything that has come to out of his mouth so far has been a lie. I just cant believe the way he is playing, no where close to what I was expecting from him.

After last night's chaos... my word. I have a feeling Touchy Subjects is going to destroy some people here.

Plot twist: I've heard some recent developments about the flipped vote.

According to Tim it was Luke? Oh? Buddy.... has officially been put on my "Shit List" in this game. You can't sit around and play both "sides" of this game. THAT'S MY JOB.

I'm not too sure how I'm going to break this to Ally. She might not believe me but I KNOW I NEED TO TELL HER.

Also: I still don't get why sooo many people trust Tim. I know Tim doesn't trust me anymore or maybe... not as much as he used to. BUT why did he tell Zach right away about the Miguel vote yesterday? IT ALL SEEMS SO SKETCHY.

Being thrown in the basement has given me an opportunity to reflect on some things in the game. I was kinda flattered to be the winner of both "running the game" categories in Touchy Subjects. Unfortunately, that perception might cause the other players to plan more behind my back. I know from last vote that being in the basement before Tribal Council shouldn't impact things tooooo much for me. Still, I'd rather have the opportunity to talk with people whenever I want.

Speaking of last vote, I tried to blindside Zach! And it didn't happen. The original plan was Miguel, but things got switched up when no one seemed to bite into wanting him out. Ally wanted to get Tim instead, which signaled to me that she obviously didn't have a strong relationship with him. So I had to swoop in and say Zach should go instead because Tim is in one of my many alliances. Honestly I'm beginning to prefer the 4 Elements alliance over AJ's Angels because it's possible Alyssa was the one who flipped, and she's not telling me it was her. But after Touchy Subjects, I think I have a better chance against Karth in the end than I previously thought. He's viewed as inactive, which I personally disagree with, but that perception is very good for me.

Another alliance I'm in is the "Samurais" which I would have liked to call "The Resistance" but Luke had other plans. I honestly just view this alliance as a means to an end. That end being.... getting Zach out, SOON! Hopefully Ally has a case of tunnel-vision with getting Zach out as soon as possible and her/Luke don't suspect a thing when I flip right afterwards.

All of this is contingent on Jess feeling the same way, since flipping on my own wouldn't get me the numbers, which I think she will now that she sees the other players view Karth as being dragged to the end.

I'm still in the basement, so I don't know who the 2 sides are voting for. I doubt Zach sent me down here because he wants me to find an advantage... so I could be a target. I hope Karth and Tim would keep that from happening, and push the vote onto Luke instead. I might prefer to get Jake out just because I don't have a strategic relationship with him, but beggars can't be choosers. It's not like I'm particularly close with Luke anyway.

Ok so sorry for not making confessionals as often as I did before!!  The game has literally been warped based off of the fist merge vote. Zach was targeted by Stephen, Ally, Luke, and JESS. Freaking Jess flipped on me when I thought we were really tight and cool. I played off my frustration with the others in the alliance of the 4 elements as understanding but I made moves. I first formed that allaince but now I formed an allaince of Kato 2.0 minus Miguel ofc. Tonights vote I want to do Luke but lets see. I will talk about challenge results soon as well!!

i won IMMUNITY!!! i'm so blessed because i've been told by two sources (namely tim & alyssa) that i was going to be targeted had i not. so? bless!

regarding what ''subjects'' i won: - would dump rice in the fire [true] - biggest physical player [true] - most likely to have an idol [true] - trust the most [false??] - want to see win at the end [false lol]

so that's interesting. i did a tentative game ranking and originally i put: alyssa > zach > ally > karthik > stephen > jake > jess > tim > luke

but now i'd put: alyssa > ally > karthik > zach=stephen > jake > jess > tim > luke but it's still super tricky to accurately rate because of the multiple factors you could include (threat size, potential to win, potential to go to FTC, allies, etc.). i honestly think my jury management is 0/2 so far, and that i will lose at FTC due to ''not working with people'' even tho i entirely blame others for that :D

now let's talk about the reasonings for voting me (hopefully i haven't spoken about this already): stephen - were worried about a potential idol play/new vote so they voted the "safer option", named zach. --> this kinda throws me off. i think it's realistically the most truthful of the 4 excuses, but it's kinda sad that my name was a ''safe'' vote opposed to someone having my back (because i have tried to work with them and especially like. jess.) ally - felt betrayed by the stephen w. vote and like i ignored her. --> i think this is dumb. firstly, girl, we kno u are STRATEGIC. secondly, i didn't ignore her whatsoever?? i was the closest to flipping imo but i didn't because stephen w. targeted ME? like if she genuinely voted me bc i didnt flip after my name was stephens main target (bar jake) then... sister idk what u want. luke - last minute scramble, didn't think i was getting many votes. --> well this is just false. point, blank and period. jess - that when she offered miguel's name, i was hesitant and freaking out (and that she wanted to be my number one opposed to number two). --> dumb. i told her miguel's name. i said it'd be sad but i'd be down and not willing to stick my neck out for miguel. maybe i came off poorly, sure, but if you truly wanted 2 be my ''number one'' u shouldnt make the vote me but rather someone else.

i'm just peeved.

on top of that, karthik is sooo rude??? like he didn't tell me shit about the basement until i confronted him. LIKE. I SENT AN ENEMY (OF MINE) TO THE BASEMENT AND YOU FAILED TO LET ME KNOW THAT YOU GUESS EVERY 6 HRS OPPOSED TO 24?? LIKE ?? I COULDVE SENT IN A DUCKING FRIEND!! so rude. i honestly am questioning my trust with him more and more through each round.

i also want to talk about someone that's great. JAKE! i love you so much. last confessional i may have doubted you (and, maybe the round before) but i'm extremely appreciative for you in this game and i can't stress enough that i'm just paranoid as duck and worry way more than i should. thank u LOL i trust u a lot now.

but, that's all in the past. let's talk about tonights vote. allegedly, stephen told tim that the target was going to be me, but due to immunity, jake is now the target. this makes a little sense given allys been wanting jake out the absolute MOST, but i feel like it'd be a decoy. don't matter tho xx i'm safe. alyssa is also apparently flipping (or, staying i guess) with our side and voting out luke - who is our sides target. i see logic in voting luke. he'll be the easiest of that side to get out, but on the other hand, he's the least threatening and if i'm going to flip someone, it'll be easier to flip people against ally (best liar, etc.) or stephen (running the game, etc.) opposed to luke (voted out next, don't want 2 see win, etc.). but have it be known that i'd CRAVE idolling out stephen or ally, and i may just do that.

it's still early in the day, and a lot can happen. i'll try* to keep yawls posted. i genuinely trust no one and i'm like at the stage of being sad ): because i don't think i can win and i don't think anyone wants to work with me even though i feel like i've been super social. i am always opened when i play games, and that may be 'snakey' or something but i'm willing to work with ANYONE. but they are not seeing that, and i don't know what to do abt it. maybe they're targeting me for being a threat (as a main reason), and that'd make me content but it feels like i'm one of those "one sided" people and... yeah. i guess only time will tell, but my fatass is in final 8 with an idol and all these birches know that, and i'll just have 2 play around that. good luck to me LOL ALSGKDLSKG

After a shocking touchy feelings, I’m feeling nervous about this tribal. No one is saying anything and I’m honestly feeling like I’m going home tonight. People are telling me I shouldn’t be and I want to believe them but I just don’t know.

ugh I want to save Luke but I cant afford to lose Tim/Jake/Zach's trust so I may have to just follow the groups preferences and vote Luke. I would rather have preferred the target to be Jess/Alyssa as they seem to be playing good games and aren't close to me. I had talked it out with Luke and now I feel like he would be help to my game down the line but dont feel like going over the board to save him.

Luke is voted out 5-4. He becomes the third member of our jury.