#finally my neuroanatomy classes can be used for good

[mjjune]

🧠 Brain Ask Game

Because I am a NERD who has taken multiple neuroanatomy classes and love brains!

Send me a part of the brain 🧠 and an OC (or I'll pick) to find out...

I have their (over)simplified functions listed, for your Education.

Frontal lobe (executive function) - What is their defining personality trait? What is the trait that, if lost, this OC would become unrecognizable?

Parietal Lobe (physical sensation) - Are there any physical sensations (e.g. temperatures, textures, etc) that your character extra loves and can't get enough of?

Temporal Lobe (auditory, emotion, memory) - What is their most emotionally poignant childhood memory? (good or bad)

Occipital Lobe (vision) - What do they consider the most beautiful thing to look at? (e.g. colors, scenery, a person)

Cerebellum (motor coordination) - Has there been a time where they were just an utter clutz? Please tell us.

Hippocampus (memory) - Are they the kind of person who can remember things easily, or do they have to write everything down?

Basal Ganglia (lots of shit, including learning & motor movements) - How quickly does your character learn a new skill, and what kind of help/teaching style do they benefit from the most?

Thalamus (signal relay, attention, consciousness) - How is their attention? Can they multitask well? Do they have ADHD?

Broca's Area (language expression) - Do they express themselves well? Do they communicate better in writing or speaking?

Wernicke's Area (language comprehension) - Do they prefer to listen or read? Are they speed readers or very slow?

Meninges (support, protection) - Tell us about a time when this OC protected someone or something they care about.

Midbrain (pain signals) - What is the most physically painful thing they have ever experienced?

Pons (cranial nerves for eyes, face, & hearing) - Do they have an hearing or visual deficits? Do they wear glasses or need any supports?

Medulla Oblongata (heart, breathing, unconscious functions) - Who or what is their lifeline?

[makimedstudies]

| Thursday, 26.03.20 |

Hello my friends,

I think it is time for an update. I havent been posting this last days, and you proboably assume why. About two weeks ago the coronavirus situation in my country has gotten worse, and everything has been put in complete lockdown. My uni also shut down and we still havent really established online classes properly. Also I have no idea what will happen to our exams since for anatomy and neuroanatomy we have oral exams with lab exam as well. I have no idea what is going to happen , and I am very scared that we will redo this semseter or something like that and that would be devasting as I am alreadg retaking this year. So I have just been feeling horrible, anxious and completly demotivated. I didn't do any work for days , I didn't even take care of myself (exrecise, diet etc) and all I did was eat and watch neftlix all day (which is ok but not for days and days surely).

But, I finally came to peace with letting of what I can't control and focus in what I can. So I realized that I have all this free time, and that I am going to use to better myself in different aspects from school work to personal growth. I think it is very important to realize that even if our day to day life got turned upside down that if have a homw to be in and we and our family is healthy , then we are blessed and lucky.

I am also very blessed to have another house in the countryside , so I can get out of the city, spend time in nature with my dogs, and here it so unpopulated that if you don't read the news you forget about everything and that peace is helping me so much.

I hope that you are coping well and are safe.

Sending love and good thoughts.

Some neuroanatomy from today.

[cafedanslanuit]

hey there! i’m currently in my first year of college and I’m a psychology major! i was wondering if you had any advice for people like me? I’m a little overwhelmed by everything, so any advice would be awesome! thank you so much!

Yay! Okay, so here’s a list of things I wish I knew on my first year of college

sci-hub is your friend

Get sleep whenever you can. No one is going to judge you if you fall asleep in the library. No one cares, in the best way possible.

Save any article that seems midly interesting. You don’t have to read it all but save it on the cloud. It will eventually come in handy.

Use a tagging system for your files to find them easier (for example: “neuroanatomy - class 2″). You can’t believe how many times i’ve saved files like “djhgsd.docx”. It’s okay for one document, but imaging having your final test the next week and 30 files with that kind of name.

I can’t stress this enough: USE A CLOUD. I actually use two! All my friends used to lose their usb or their laptops broke and every file just disappeared. So yeah, I use Google Drive as the main one and use Mega as a backup.

Open a folder in any cloud and start saving psychological tests. Use a tagging system as well. It’s been seven years now I haven’t finished organising my psychological tests folder.

Researcher app. I discovered it on my last year but it’s great! It looks for papers about subjects you may be interested in and lets you bookmark them for future reference

I haven’t used Mendeley personally but my friends love it so maybe it could help

It’s good to keep in touch with people with kids. You’ll need to do tons of practice evaluating kids.

I used to do summaries of the classes I had most trouble with. I know everyone learns differently, but it helped me a lot.

Don’t avoid experience with any group age. I used to only focus on adolescents, adults and older adults. I wasn’t a kids person so I didn’t go to any workshops or tried to have any experience with kids. Now, I work at a school and I discovered I actually love kids haha. I wish I had more experience with them though.

If you need any more help just ask! <3 Welcome to a lovely career~

[kingyeoms]

neuroscience TA! joshua

pairing: joshua hong x reader (n)  genre: it’s all fluff sorry warnings(?): swearing and just really casual writing in bullet points lol word count: 2,044 a/n: i barely proofread this and this is nothing like what i usually write but i’ve been thinking about this since the start of the new semester and welp here we are. a/a/n: i just realized.. people might not really know what a TA/teaching assistant is! usually someone who is working towards their doctoral degree and are obligated to assist teaching a course in their department, usually in charge of teaching discussion/supplemental sections~ ♡ best read on desktop, use mobile browser if you can’t read under the cut ♡

3rd year phd candidate

does research on neural circuit mechanisms in aging adults

big geek about brains, shows a thirty minute long video of a sheep brain dissection for the first day of section

people fell asleep but it’s fine bc josh is so excited about the video and everyone finds it endearing

always dresses so casually!! comes to class wearing sweats and plain black t-shirts (probably buys them in packs for $3)

but he still has the reputation among the undergraduate students as the “hot neuro TA”

cracks jokes w/ his students all the time

literally everyone wants to take the class that joshua hong is TAing

“joshua what are you teaching next semester??” “topics in advanced neuroimaging, you gonna take it?” “never mind, good luck”

brings his dog named peanut to class all the time

peanut is a giant ass st. bernard who likes to walk around the class and sleep next to people’s feet

super adorable but also a big Drooler

you’re the other teaching assistant for the same neuroanatomy class, but in the psychology department

you’re super down to earth!! honestly you treat your students like friends, talking to them super casually

but when class starts, you know how to get down to business and you’re super passionate about what you’re talking about

the psych undergrads have a ton of respect for you, because not only were you chill but you were mad smart too!!

your kids walking into class: “y/n guess what fucking happened in lecture”

you: “listen, you probably shouldn’t say the f word in front of me but tell me what the fuck happened”

anyways, here’s a funny coincidence: your lab and joshua’s lab are on the same floor

so it’s not a surprise that you and josh have this ongoing “feud” of which is more superior: psych vs neuro

“psych is for people who can’t handle neuro” “neuro is for people who hate themselves”

your office is opposite of his, so he’s always stopping by your room to annoy you or steal something from the jar of candy on your desk.

you: “why am i constantly out of kit-kats?”

josh, fistfuls of kit-kats behind his back: “damn, you should probably buy some more”

he’ll mess with your powerpoint slides, swapping photos of the cerebellum for photos of him and peanut

which SUCKS when you’re teaching,, and josh’s dumb face pops up on the projector,, 

your kids: “nice one josh”

when you’re holding office hours for your students, he stops by and says some dumb shit to your kids like “come to my office instead, y/n doesn’t know what they’re talking about” 

“fuck off, joshua” “oooooh you curse in front of your students? i’m telling the professor”

you just roll your eyes and the two of you just laugh at each other

the students who come to your office hours swear you two have a thing going on

and honestly? you wish

you’ve always thought josh was pretty cute

being a phd student was stressful, especially with research and teaching, but he never failed to put a smile on your face!!

you two were often the last ones on the floor, in charge of locking up rooms and cleaning equipment

he always insists on walking you to your car at night because “the raccoons might attack you”

you’d be lying if you said you didn’t think about kissing him in your office but shhh

during lecture, you guys share a google doc to take notes on what to teach your students

he thinks it’s funny to delete everything you write

you, sitting next to him in the front row: “joshua hong if you don’t press ctrl + z right now i swear to god i’ll change the lock code to the EEG room”

josh: “wait don’t i have a study tomorrow”

proctoring exams with josh: “i can pass out tests faster than you” “are we five???? but no you can’t”

he’s really good… at catching people cheating? the dude has eyes like a hawk lmao and you don’t even notice honestly

“see the kid with the blue baseball cap on? give him a 0″

anyways the professor asks you and joshua to come in on a weekend to grade midterms

you: but i made plans

josh: i’m not ?? even getting paid ??

but you guys do it anyways because it’s not like you have a choice lmao rip

he brings peanut and he’s just drooling all over your bag

peanut not josh

i guess josh is metaphorically drooling because… you looked really good today

not the usual jeans and college sweatshirt you wear during the week

you had originally made plans with your friends to go to the farmer’s market

it was a really nice day :( sunny outside and you actually tried to not look like a mess for once!! you actually brushed your hair today lol

anyways, peanut is still drooling and you look at josh, confused but also a little grossed out

“why is peanut drooling?” “do you have food in your bag?” “i don’t think so?” “oh. maybe he just likes you”

peanut: pulls out a granola bar out of your bag

anyways… you two are grading exams, checking over the answer key for any mistakes

you furrow your brows as you look over the answer choices, so you ask josh to take a look at question 23

“yeah, what about it?” “look at the answer choices, there are two possible answers.” “ah fuck.”

turns out… a lot of the questions are like that..

you and josh just look at each other and groan, realizing you two have to redo the entire answer key

you call your friends to cancel your plans, saying you were stuck at school

joshua feels really bad so he reaches over to grab your stack of tests

“you can go if you want! i’ll finish it, no worries”

you shake your head, pulling out a box of red pens from your bag

“no thanks, my boyfriend would miss me” 

a confused josh: “no i wouldn’t?”

“… i was talking about peanut?” but you’re giggling because josh’s face is beet red at this point

joshua: “anyways, question 40 right?”

truth is, joshua has always found you cute and he liked the fact that when he teased you, you weren’t afraid to tease him back

he just felt.. really comfortable around you

and seeing you smile after he cracked a joke?? best thing in the world to him besides peanut

even when you roll your eyes at him, he thinks it’s so cute!!

cliché moment where you two reach for the answer key at the same time and your hands touch

but neither of you let go wow so cute and you guys kind of just !! grade tests in silence, holding hands

joshua’s the type to rub your the back of your hand with his thumb i’m lowkey crying thinking about it

anyways, you guys end up finishing grading and the sun is starting to set

josh realizes that you two spent the entire day stuck inside the office, so he offers to take you to the farmer’s market

but you don’t wanna be a bother or anything so you shake your head, “no it’s okay!!”

josh insists that he takes you, saying “i gotta take peanut on a walk, come on let’s go”

so you two go to the farmer’s market, the crowds starting to die down a little bit since it’s the end of the day

josh holds your hand and peanut’s leash in the other

peanut keeps dragging you guys to all the booths that sell homemade peanut butter and he’s never been happier, he keeps getting free samples and head scratches

you’re looking at a booth that sells homemade jewelry, think leather bracelets and dainty finger rings

“josh, what do you think about th-” you turn to your side, but josh and peanut are nowhere to be found

and you look through the crowds and the booths next to you, but you can’t find them anywhere

you kind of panic,, because you didn’t think josh was the type to ditch someone? on a date?

was this even a date you weren’t sure to be honest,, but still :( you were kind of upset 

but you finally see peanut dragging joshua back to you, a small bouquet of sunflowers in his hand

joshua’s cheeks and ears are tinged a slight pink when he gives the flowers to you, “i saw a stand selling these and they just looked really pretty, so i bought them for you”

and the flowers are so beautiful and your jaw literally aches from smiling so big and josh thinks you’re so beautiful!!

you two walk around a bit more, hand!! in!! hand!! 

josh: trying to pull peanut away from all the friendly people willing to give him free beef jerky

tired from all the walking, you two buy ice cream, sitting on a bench in front of the tiny shop

peanut eats josh’s ice cream when he’s not looking

josh: peanut what the fuck

you offer to buy him another one, but he shakes his head, taking the cone from your hand, biting into the soft pink scoop

“let’s just share, strawberry is my second favorite anyways”

your jaw just drops because,, who bites into ice cream?

but it’s cute, you two talk about how much you hate the professor and which students you think are annoying

you two don’t even realize how dark it is until you hear peanut snoring, curled up at the bottom of your feet

josh is the first to stand up, his hand reaching out to yours, “it’s getting a little late, i’ll take you home?”

and so that’s how you and joshua ended up at the front door of your apartment

your hand clutching the sunflowers, the other intertwined in his fingers

and when he leans in, you don’t hesitate to close the gap between you two

kissing joshua? definitely better than you expected, the taste of strawberry ice cream still slightly lingering on his lips

your lips move in perfect harmony with his, joshua placing his hand on the small of your back

as soon as you feel josh pull you in closer, you feel a... wet.. tongue on your foot? you both break away to find peanut,, asleep,, drooling,, on your toes

“damn it, peanut” josh groans as you giggle, resting your forehead against his

“i’ll see you on monday, yeah?” you grinned, kissing him on the cheek

"yeah i really,, gotta take this kiddo home,,” and he sighs, waking Big ol’ peanut up “but i had a lot of fun tonight, we should do it again sometime”

“as long as we don’t have to grade 600 midterms again, it’s a date”

the both of you blush because,, was this even a date??

yes, it was

but seriously, what a super cute start to your relationship with josh

you don’t even get mad when you find out it’s josh stealing all of your kit kats

he leaves a giant bag of them on your desk one day to make up for it

but also joshua is the Worst

joshua: “how does it feel to be dating the hot neuro TA on campus?”

you: “shut up before you become the hot single neuro TA”

sometimes josh stops by your class when you’re teaching to give you a kiss on your cheek before he goes to do research,,, embarrassing you in front of all your students (even though pda is probably something that shouldn’t be happening in front of them)

literally Everyone: “we fucking called it”

definitely still makes fun of you 24/7,, just with more kissing

friday nights with joshua: skimming academic papers and talking shit on faculty LOL

going to the farmer’s market becomes a weekly thing for you guys!! mainly because the peanut butter booth would be devastated if they didn’t get to see Mister peanut

sooo,, you may or may not have done it on your desk in the lab LOL

josh in lecture: hey i think you’re pretty cute, maybe we should get dinner tonight?

you: josh can you pls stop flirting with me on google docs you’re LAME

[junionigiri]

Close To You [BNHA oneshot]

Summary: While practicing their quirks, Monoma and Shinsou find themselves in the middle of a blackout. Both of them somehow clumsily confront their fears and find comfort in each other.

Rating: T for language

Relationship(s): Monoma Neito/Shinsou Hitoshi

Warnings: description of a panic attack and sleep paralysis

Happy Halloween guys! Please enjoy this insomnia-induced, rapidly written, unedited Monoshin.

It's a rainy Saturday evening, and Monoma Neito's high and dry at a certain room in the 1-C dormitories.

In front of him, Shinsou Hitoshi's staring back at him, sitting on the floor with his legs crossed and his back leaning against the bed, the perfect picture of tired disinterest. His right hand is resting on top of his thigh, palms up to the ceiling, stoically waiting for contact. "Anytime you're ready, copycat," he drawled.

A little smirk's making its way up his mouth. Playful. Devilish. Makes him look absolutely handsome, much to the blonde's chagrin. He knows that the name annoys him, and he revels in it.

Copycat isn't Monoma's alias anywhere, and he's told the purple-haired mentalist that a number of times already. But it's the name that stuck. Shinsou's hinted that it's the perfect name for him, as he's as cunning and finicky as a cat, and he frequently yowls like one too, every chance he gets when it comes to that despicable Class 1-A.

Monoma doesn't know how to feel about the other boy consistently comparing him to a cat, though. True, he makes references of the annoying cat-like traits, but Shinsou likes cats all the same, doesn't he? Does that… mean something?

"Anytime this year would be nice."

"Shut up." Monoma finally obliges and places his left hand over his right hand. He feels something hum at the back of his head, something tingly and ticklish, a purple shot of electricity. He feels the cells in his body rearrange and reorient, aligning themselves to Shinsou's. Within milliseconds, his brain relearns the basics of mind control.

It's an overwhelming feeling, a little painful and nauseating even, but at least it isn't as painful as copying his other classmates' physical quirks. It's not something that Monoma shares with anyone without reluctance. Shinsou's aware of this, though, and thanks to this odd arrangement of theirs where they spend their Saturdays practicing their quirks on each other, copying his quirk feels more and more natural.

"Okay." Monoma trains his eyes on him. He feels his trademark overconfident smirk return to his mouth naturally as he feels the power surge through him. "Anytime you're ready, mindfucker."

A small bit of amusement sparks in his purple eyes. "That's not a bad-"

The use of the quirk is surprisingly technical. For someone to go under, he has to target the specific part of the brain that controls wakefulness. Shinsou's given him a long, boring lecture before about the reticular activating system and all that, and Monoma absorbed nothing except how sexy the other boy's monotone was when he talked about neurosciences and neuroanatomy.

After many failed attempts before, he finally got the hang of it. Just imagine clenching somewhere at the center of the brain, where the two halves meet. It's there somewhere. And now Monoma's holding onto Shinsou's mind, and he's staring blankly at him. "How are you doing, Shinsou?"

He tries to control the left side of his brain, like a person blindly groping for a specific present in a giant sack, much like Santa Claus. And fails. Shinsou's mouth doesn't move.

"So erudite, Shinsou," he says, a little teasingly. "Seriously, though, you can tell me anything. Like, your name. Or your age. The color of your briefs. What you had for breakfast."

With each question, he tries, and fails to capture that part of his mind that will get him to speak. The area eludes him-it's like grasping empty air, and Shinsou's silence is blank and not encouraging in any way. He tries a simpler command, repetition, but this also fails. It's absolutely frustrating.

It's also pretty damn exhausting, swimming through the grey matters of the unknown. He feels an ache in the middle of his forehead as he attempts to prod through the other boy's mind further. He understands clearly why Shinsou believes that using this quirk on more than one person might lead to him passing out.

Five minutes pass by in discouraging silence. Within the next millisecond, he feels his body transform back to normal, like a gear that's all wound down. He feels his grip on Shinsou's mind loosen, and the other boy blinks himself back to consciousness.

"Well… that was unproductive," the purple-haired boy deadpans as he regains his control.

Monoma frowns at him. "I tried my best. You're asking too much of me. Remember how long it took before I figured out how to make you walk without toppling over?"

"Three whole weeks." Shinsou momentarily makes a face showing him how much he remembers. Monoma would be pretty embarrassed about his incompetence if it weren't so funny watching him do it. He never realized how complex a motion walking was, until he spent all that time making the purple-haired boy trip over his own feet and fall on his face and/or ass too many times to count.

On the other hand, Shinsou made it look so easy-it was so quick and straightforward, how he made Midoriya-kun turn around and walk away from the arena before that infuriating green-haired marvel somehow bullshitted his way out of the quirk-but it was a beautiful, sophisticated act of puppeteering that easily went way above the audience's heads, both students and pros alike.

Monoma remembers how breathtaking it is watching him in action. He surmised that the only other person who saw the skill properly was Aizawa-sensei, thus making him the only person in 1A that he didn't despise.

But he digressed. In front of him, Shinsou's making a new, contemplative face. "Anyway… we can't give up now. There's a way to do it, I just know it." He picks up another book on neurophysiology. Each page that Monoma chances upon is full of highlights and notes and encircled pieces of jargon that makes him want to sleep just reading them. "Maybe just activating the speech areas on one side isn't enough…"

Monoma groans dramatically and flops, just as dramatically, on Shinsou's bed. Even as the mess of purple hair bounces slightly with the ripple of the mattress, and even when the blonde unabashedly peeks over his shoulder and makes one frustrated noise after another, he doesn't look up. "Well, whatever, Shinsou. You can test it on me again, but you have a better chance of getting my mouth to do something without your quirk than with it."

Shinsou snorts. "I know," is all he says in response. That devilish grin's back on his mouth. This boy's good at keeping up their back-and-forth flirting. It's almost more that Monoma can take.

His purple eyes are trained on that book, though, not even bothering to look at how Monoma's face is maybe… definitely blushing at his knowing baritone and the slightly inappropriate images that it evoked. Soon, he's got laser focus, and only the sound of the pages flipping fill the void. There's no room for not even a fraction of the inappropriate scenes that Monoma's dreamed up.

He doesn't do anything about it, though. He sighs and rolls over on the bed, his face to the wall. "Wake me up when you're done reading."

"Hm," the baritone goes again, after another pageflip. What he would give to hear that against his skin, with his hands all over that bulk, with the sheer purpose of touching, and not copying and practicing this godforsaken quirk. What he would give to hold his face and-

He bites his lip. This is why Kendou's so judgy with him lately. Just confess and make out with him already, oh my god you thirsty bitch, she'd told him for the five past consecutive lunches he spent sharing his moderately thirsty woes to her. Well, whatever. Just because Tetsutetsu finally got his head out of his metal ass and figured out that the redhead meant more than just stepping out of the dorm the twelve times she'd asked him out, and she was finally getting some action. Doesn't give her the right to be so preachy about her aggressive dating methods.

"Hey, copycat, get up," Shinsou's voice breaks him out of his irritable internal mutterings.

It's subtle, but he feels the clench inside his mind right as he heard his voice. He braces himself as he prepares his voice, knowing that he'll go under in the next moment. He inhales quietly, "Can't I just lie down-"

Just as he feels his mind slip into a quiet, blissful, suggestible state, all the lights in the room go off.

He's staring into complete and utter darkness, with absolutely all awareness and no control of his body. It's terrifying-he feels his heart throbbing in his chest, the sweat pooling at his back, the ache of his limbs and his trunk and his eyeballs trapped in paralysis.

He hears all sorts of noises that he isn't sure he's supposed to be hearing. The sound of the rains outside, the whistling wind. Vague, beating noises that he cannot identify. Shinsou's breath, but perhaps it's another person. A psycho with a knife. A monster with large fangs and claws. Fucking Slenderman could be looming over him, and he's trapped in a body that couldn't move.

He's worried that he won't remember how to move. How to breath. Shit, he feels his breath trapped in his lungs with no way out. His hands are turning blue. He wants to whimper, but even his vocal cords are stuck in limbo.

"Shit, the power's out." The abject terror lasts for only a few seconds, perhaps less than ten, but his sense of time's screwed from mind control and he thinks he's in that state for fifty years. Shinsou taps him on the shoulder with the back of his hand, and in an instant, he feels the rush of wakefulness flooding his body, his mind.

He gasps out loud and grasps the other boy's arm. "Fuck," he says, purely out of reflex, out of fear and relief. He's shaking a little too much-he knows because Shinsou's got his arm around him to keep him steady. It's taking a little too long for his eyes to get used to the darkness. When they do, they automatically fall on the other boy's eyes, darker but a little wider and more concerned than his usual sleepy stare.

"Are you okay?" Shinsou asks, his voice a little gentler than his usual deadpan. Monoma's heart would have skipped a bit, if it isn't already beating erratically in his chest from sheer terror.

"It… it was dark, and I couldn't move, and-I was probably-seeing things-monsters… I thought I was going to die-"

He's stammering stupidly. What a fucking coward, a few seconds in the dark and he's a blubbering mess like this. He knows that the other boy'll tease him about it eventually, but the sneer he's bracing for doesn't come.

Instead, Shinsou's rubbing comforting circles in his back, and he's letting Monoma lean against his shoulder as he tries to calm down. "You're okay. They're not 're not dying. I'm here."

The rumble of his voice reaches his ear, vibrates throughout his body, relentlessly brushes against his wildly beating heart. His touch feels electric for the brief moment that he automatically copies his quirk, and lingers there as the boy remains close. Like a sutra, Shinsou repeats the calming words, breath warm against the skin of his neck until the blond realizes that his own breathing's even and his hands stop shaking.

"I'm good… I'm okay now," he eventually tells him softly. A crack of lightning flashes through, momentarily covering them in a flash of white light, before darkness takes over, along with unforgiving blast of thunder. Monoma flinches and holds on tightly to the other boy's arm again.

"... you sure?" This time, there's a little humor in the other boy's voice. He doesn't shake him off, though.

"Y… yeah. We… should stick together, just in case," he tells him in the most casual, non-cowardly voice he can muster.

"Sure. I didn't know you were afraid of the dark. Or thunder."

"I'm not," he mumbles, affronted, even though it's a big fat lie. Back in the disastrous training camp, he didn't have to go through the test of courage because of make-up classes with Vlad-sensei, and he's secretly relieved for it. He doesn't like the dark. He doesn't like how easy it is for him to imagine terrible things hiding just at the corners of his eyes, waiting to touch him with their cold, bloody claws…

Thunder booms again somewhere in the distance and makes him flinch again. He feels Shinsou shake gently with laughter, making him huff with indignation. He manages to stammer out an excuse. "I'm just a little freaked out over that… that weird sleep paralysis thing that happened just now, okay?! You should keep comforting me!"

"Aren't you a handful, copycat." Shinsou teases him under his breath. He fishes out his phone. The glow of it under his face enhances the dark circles under his eyes. In this situation such a sight would be utterly dreadful, but Monoma finds further comfort in staring at his face. "Dunno what's going on. There's nothing here about any scheduled blackouts. We should go down and-"

"G-go down? Why on god's green earth should we go anywhere? It's dark and cold and scary-"

Shinsou cuts off his scared babble with a pointed stare. "I don't have an emergency lamp here. We keep a couple in the kitchen, though."

Monoma frowns at him as brattily as he can. "The kitchen's four floors down. Y-you want us to grope around, in the dark, all the way to kitchen four floors down?! Why the hell don't you have your own light here?"

The purple haired boy only shrugs. "No use nagging me about it now. You could sit here in the dark while I go get it if you want."

He's staring at him and the spot where he was incidentally holding onto his arm for dear life. He flexes it slightly, as if daring him to let go.

Of course, Monoma doesn't let go. (And not only because he's even more aware of how much larger and harder his bicep is now. Great, now he's terrified and thirsty-what is he to do about the excessive adrenaline rushing through his veins?)

"Fine. Lead the way," the blonde grumbles under his breath.

They stand up. With the help of the flashlights of their smartphones, they walk over the scattered books and things they left on the floor and make it out to the hallway, with Monoma stumbling only once.

It's eerily silent, with only the drumming of the rain filling the silence of an entire building. When he was thankful before to have Shinsou all to himself on that particular Saturday, now he's cursing the rest of 1-C mentally for choosing this weekend to go home to their little houses and left just the two of them to face the frightening dark and stormy night they had ahead of them.

But as far as blackouts go, even though this is terrifying enough, at least he's with Shinsou, who remained unafraid. As careful as his steps are, he's moving about as if nothing happened. Not a trace of fear, even as the wind whistled through the cracks of the building, and the windows beat from the winds and rain, and the doors and floorboards creaked under their feet. Even as they take the narrow wooden stairs down, he doesn't waver once.

They finally reach the common areas. Shinsou somehow pries his iron grip from his arm so he can search the cabinets for the emergency lights.

"Just stand there. Don't move." He doesn't use his quirk to tell him this, but he might as well have, with the way Monoma stands there like a statue, praying that the lights come back on within the next second.

It's much darker in the kitchen than it is upstairs. With the light of his own phone, Monoma can barely make out Shinsou's figure ducking through the cabinets from a distance. He seems to be taking his sweet time digging through them, and he couldn't help his impatient, "Anytime this century would be ideal, Shinsou-kun…"

"Yeah, yeah," the boy replies tiredly, ducking his head fearlessly in the darkness of the cabinet under the sink. He had half a mind teaching these general studies kids to teach them about making proper emergency kits. Really, in the 1-B dorm, Kendo nagged everyone to keep a box under their beds with a torchlight, bottles of water, a first-aid kit, crackers-

A soft, high pitched whine reaches his ear and intrudes in on his mental rant. Monoma freezes. "Shinsou?"

"Just a minute," he grumbles, a little irritated now. He doesn't look up.

He starts to sweat, but doesn't move. Shinsou told him to stay there and to not move, after all. And-apart from the sounds of the other boy stacking things on top of things from his side of the kitchen, there isn't any noise anymore. He tries to convince himself instead that all he heard was the wind. But, for posterity's sake, he asks anyway. "Did… did you hear-"

He hears the noise again. It's high pitched. It's not the wind. It's soft. It's…

"... yaaaaa…?"

It's close to him. Somewhere to his left…. no, behind him-

"... yyyeeeaaaaaaaa…?"

In the distance, Shinsou looks up, infuriatingly nonplussed. "What's that noise?"

Monoma opens his mouth to retort, or to scream, or to make some confused noise just so he won't hear the noise again and imagine things, like women in white crawling out of wells, but before he's able to, something soft brushes past his leg, and what is unmistakably a sharp, dripping claw clenches itself at the skin of his ankle-

Something inside Monoma snaps. He screams bloody murder, arms flailing, phone clattering in a flickering mess on the floor. He bolts further into the common areas, instinctively running towards the exits, but somewhere he trips on lush carpeting and falls with a painful thud on the floor.

He's freaking out. He doesn't even have the proper sense to scream or to make any incoherent noises. "Yaaaaa!" the voice calls out again mockingly.

"Monoma!" He's a little out of it when a dark purple mess of hair carrying a lamp with the lighting capacity of a fuckin' searchlight makes his way towards him and effectively blinds him. He hears the noise again and feels his body attempt to jolt himself to his feet, but a sharp pain at his ankle stops him. "Look at me. Relax. It's okay. You're okay. I'm here-"

"Sh-SHINSOU THERE'S A FUCKING MONSTER THERE THAT GOT ITS CLAWS ON ME-"

Shinsou shushes him gently, continues the calming mantra. "There's no monster, okay? Trust me-"

"No monster?! I felt it, look at my freakin' leg, there's clawmarks there-"

"Myaaaa!"

Monoma's eyes widen at the sight. Where Shinsou's kneeling beside him, the creature that made the noise ambles up to them confidently. Its tail is way up in the air, pupils in green orbs thinned into slits. its fangs and claws glint in the shine of the torchlight. Whiskers twitch, almost in amusement, as it stares at the messy heap that is now the annoyed copycat.

"... ughhhhhhhhhhh….!" The next moment, he's hiding his face in his hands in frustration. "Of course. Of course it's a fucking cat, Shinsou Hitoshi, you effing cat-head. Why in seven hells-"

Shinsou's carefully letting the cat sniff his hand. Again, there's no trace of fear or uneasiness, even as this strange cat, with all its long claws out, inspects him with interest. Monoma wonders briefly if this guy's scared of anything at all. In the light of the lamp, Monoma's able to see its scrawny form covered in soaked, tortoiseshell fur as it rubbed its head and the rest of its body against the other boy's leg. "There, there. You're scared too, aren't ya, buddy?"

The cat yowls in response and rubs itself against his leg again. Monoma couldn't help but feel some offense that the cat is getting just as much care as he and his twisted ankle are. He then remembers how Shinsou's compared him to this type of creature now demanding their attention, as if it didn't scare him half to death earlier.

Frickin' annoying. Monoma decides that he didn't like cats as much now.

"I think it's a stray," he hears the purple-haired cat-head say softly. "Must have been looking for a warm place to stay in this storm."

"How'd it get here?"

"Beats me." Shinsou shrugs and pets it, not minding how soaked the creature was. "They gave us old buildings to live in, unlike you guys. There's probably a cranny here somewhere it snuck into…"

A buzzing noise beats twice above them, and instantaneously the lights switch on, and the appliances hum back to life. Warmth soon seeps through them as the heaters come back on. The cat mewls happily.

Shinsou switches off the light and looks at Monoma's right ankle. He flinches upon movement. He knows it's going to swell later. "Can you stand?"

"I think so…"

"Stay there for a minute." It takes him a minute to open up a can of tuna for the grateful cat, who immediately gobbles it up and ignores the two boys, and to claim a bag of ice for the blonde's sprain.

He then comes back to him and lifts him up easily with just the pull of one strong arm. Monoma feels a little breathless as he feels himself leaning on the taller boy's sturdy frame.

"Okay. Let's go," he tells him in his usual deadpan, but he's so close, the blond feels it rumbling from the other boy's chest. He's only able to nod weakly as they hobble awkwardly out of the common area.

Oddly, Shinsou seems to be leading them towards the stairs, instead of the elevators, which are definitely up and functioning by that time. Monoma glances up at him questioningly. "Er… Shinsou? We aren't taking the elevators?"

Purple eyes blink momentarily, askance. "We just had that blackout. It might not be safe."

Monoma stares at the lights. The rain's still strong, but the winds are gentler than a few minutes ago. "It should be okay now, right? And anyway, what are you gonna do, carry me princess-style up four flights of narrow stairs?"

Shinsou starts to move, about to do just that, before he stops with the red-faced Monoma's hearty protests. "Hold it, hold it! Don't carry me, what are you gonna do if you drop me?!"

"I'm not gonna drop you," Shinsou mumbles under his breath. "… if that's the case, maybe we should stay here," he mumbles again, a little softer this time.

The blond blinks at him curiously. There's an undeniable anxiety in those purple eyes now. Gently, he asks him, "Hey… are you… scared of elevators or something…?"

Shinsou scoffs, but it comes out nervous, oddly enough. "No. I've ridden elevators before. I'm just a little iffy about riding it when the electricity's so unstable, that's all."

"Hm. Okay." He gives him a skeptical look, nonetheless. "Well… it's not like the lights are blinking out now, and it'll take like a second. I'm sure it's safe to ride the elevator now."

The purple-haired boy mulls it over for two more anxious moments of silence. Monoma's a little uncomfortable, since the ice bag is starting to drip down one of Shinsou's arms, and he's about to agree just spending the rest of the night in the grimy, unsanitary common room couches before he senses the other boy nod.

It's Shinsou who presses the up button, and in seconds it dings and opens. There's a beat of silence before he moves and lets Monoma hobble along next to him.

Dark eyes get a little darker as the doors close. Monoma feels the other boy's heart rate go up as he leaned against him.

It'll be okay, though, he thinks to himself, wondering why he suddenly feels uneasy too. He looks up at the numbers as they go up-

2-3-4…

Suddenly, the carriage comes to a shaky halt. The lights go off once, and in the next moment, they're bathed in the soft orange glow of the emergency lights.

"... Shit." It's only after a moment that Monoma realizes that it was his own voice that says this.

"We're trapped." It's Shinsou who says this beside him. To Monoma's ears, it sounds odd, and distant, and soft. Unnatural.

He feels Shinsou's grip on him loosen. There's probably a solid minute that they just stand there in stunned silence. Monoma's too scared to look at him in the eye, for the anxiety's radiating between them is almost palpable.

"We're trapped," he repeats. Monoma turns to him and he sees that his hands are coming up from his sides to grasp his hair. His face begins to look strange.

"Shinsou?" The blond stares at him, speechless, as the other boy's hands descend to cover both his ears. His face continues to contort. He's kneeling on the floor. Breaths rapid, and shallow. Skin pale. Sweat coming down in cold droplets.

"Monoma, we're trapped-we're going to die." His voice is still distant, oddly still, tense like a frayed rope lifting an anchor. "We're going to die-no-one's here to help us-we're going to d-die-"

"Shinsou-" in the next moment, he's next to him on the floor, kneeling on his swollen ankle. He tries not to let his pain show as he repeats the mantra used on him earlier to calm down. "It's okay. You're okay. You're not dying-"

"No, you're wrong, we're trapped, it's just like before-before, when they put me in that box-when I was-"

His purple eyes are wide open, but it seems like he's seeing something entirely. Monoma's frightened-he's never seen someone this terrified of something that wasn't there, something that was clearly a traumatic memory that's looping incessantly in his head. He knows that the hand on his back is little comfort.

Shinsou's babbling and hyperventilating at the same time, and his arms are beginning to stiffen. It's only a matter of time before he passes out if Monoma doesn't do something-

There isn't much of anything else he can do in this situation, except, "It's okay, you're okay. You're not dying."

"No… no, we're-"

Monoma grasps the center of his mind, and Shinsou instantly stops talking. His eyes are wide, but this time they're blank, all traces of anxiety temporarily suppressed. His eyes slowly fall from the sides of his head and onto his sides, and Monoma breathes in deeply in some semblance of relief.

"That's it, Shinsou. Just… breathe. Slowly, counting to four. Yes. Just like that."

He doesn't speak, but his breath goes into a natural, slow rhythm. Monoma touches his pulse gently and feels the other boy's heart rate slow down considerably.

"Good. We're good. We'll be okay. Just… keep your eyes on me, Hitoshi."

The name slips out of his mouth very naturally. If Shinsou noticed it, he doesn't have the faculties to react to him, other than to return the hypnotized stare back to him, on command. Monoma sees his own reflection in those purple eyes, now with some semblance of calm.

"We'll be okay, Hitoshi. They won't harm you tonight." He keeps his hands on him, keeps him close, listens to his quiet breathing. He doesn't know who they are, but whoever's got the gall to traumatize the strong boy in his arms to this extent deserved a swift trip to hell.

They remained there in dim, slightly more comforting silence. Monoma's internal clock told him that his five minutes are almost up. He prepares himself to re-copy Shinsou's quirk and put him under hypnosis as soon as humanly possible.

But just then, the fluorescent lights flicker back on, and the elevator clunks itself awake. As Shinsou snaps out of mind control, they ascend about another foot upwards, and the doors open with a cold ding.

Somehow, the two of them stumble out onto the lit hallway. They breathe heavily, with Monoma leaning against the wall and his sprained ankle screaming in pain, and Shinsou supporting himself with both arms on his knees, as if they ran an entire marathon.

They're both okay. It's been a fuckin' hell of a night, but they're both okay. Relatively. Monoma's got a sprain and Shinsou's got a terrible childhood trauma revisited from being trapped in a closed space but… they're both okay. They're both alive.

They're both here.

Shinsou's walking up to him, obviously a little shaken. Eyes still a little wide from the ride, but at least he's breathing a little easier now. "Hey."

"Hey."

He holds a hand out uneasily. It's still tremulous, but it looks strong. He wordlessly gestures for the blonde to just get in there and be supported. He obliges.

They hobble back silently into Shinsou's humble room. They remain silent as Shinsou places the pack of ice over his injured ankle and raises it on the pillows. Monoma's lying down on the bed once more, feeling warm and safe and out of place, trying in vain to keep his heart calm from the aftershocks of fear and… and something else.

Shinsou is eventually finished treating him. Without further ado, he collapses right next to him and groans in what sounds like relief.

There's a palpable moment of silence that goes between them, thick and awkward, begging to be broken. Monoma doesn't have the words, though, and all he is able to manage is a weak, "… so…"

"... yeah. That happened." Shinsou sighs and closes his tired eyes. "I… guess I have to apologize for freaking out. I can be pretty worthless like that…"

"No, don't say that." He tries not to remember the terror and pain in the other boy's voice when he broke down. They put me in that box. It echoed mercilessly in Monoma's mind. Before he knows it, he's holding on to the strong arm again, as tightly as he can, and presses his face into his shoulder.

"... Monoma?"

"Hitoshi. It's okay. We're okay. We're not dying."

The boy freezes for one second, and then softens at his touch. "Yeah. We're okay."

He smiles against his skin. They're both probably fucked in the head, but at least they're there. Somehow, they silently agree to talk about these things another time. They've got many five-minute intervals up ahead, after all.

Outside, the wind and rain's stronger than ever. Monoma closes his eyes and revels in the light and warmth.

-end-

[kidsviral-blog]

49 Real Life Labor And Delivery Stories...If You Can Handle Them

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/49-real-life-labor-and-delivery-stories-if-you-can-handle-them/

49 Real Life Labor And Delivery Stories...If You Can Handle Them

Childbirth is no walk in the park. Unless you happen to be walking in the park when it happens.

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

The BuzzFeed Community asked readers to share their craziest memories from labor and delivery with us, and holy wow did they come through. If you’ve never given birth, proceed with caution. No, seriously.

1. “He delivered our baby on our bathroom floor.”

“As we were getting ready to leave for the hospital, I thought I was going to poop the turd of the century. I ran to the bathroom. My boyfriend was screaming, ‘What are you doing?! We have to go!’ And I yelled back, ‘I can’t stop it! I think I have to poop but this just doesn’t feel right!’

My eyes widened and I yelled ‘THIS BABY IS COMING NOW.’ My poor boyfriend delivered our baby boy on our bathroom floor at 4:50 a.m. So, to my precious, perfect babe, yes. I thought you were a giant, monstrous shit, not a 7 pound, 14 ounce squishy ball of cute.”

–Chantel Guidera, Facebook

View this image ›

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

2. “Her water broke in the middle of a Burger King…”

“When my mom was pregnant with me her water broke in the middle of a Burger King, so she threw down her cup of soda to hide the evidence.”

–Catie LaGrasta, Facebook

3. “I taught him in med school.”

“I was in mid-labor when a shift change occurred and the OB on call asked if I minded some interns coming through. Not at all, until one of the interns looks up, mid-examination, and asks me whether I taught neuroanatomy at a local medical school. Yeppers. I had taught him in med school. All I could think to ask was whether he had passed my class as I sure as heck wasn’t in much of a position to remember him!”

–Jen Kulak, Facebook

View this image ›

4. “I’ll never understand how he moved that fast.”

“My husband was front and center of the action, and on my second push my water broke violently in a huge, forceful gush. Being a paramedic, my husband is really, really good at dodging bodily fluids. Immediately after my water broke, I heard him say, ‘What the hell was that?’ from the opposite end of the bed from where he had just been. Not a drop on him; I’ll never understand how he moved that fast.”

–Brittaney Gilmore, Facebook

5. “Whoa! Somebody pooped in the pool!”

“My baby had a BM [bowel movement] in utero, so the first thing I heard when the doctor opened me up for the C-section was, ‘Whoa! Somebody pooped in the pool!'”

–Rosanna Bigford, Facebook

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

6. “It was a legendary story for the nurses there.”

“When my mom was in labor with my sister, her water broke and all of it splashed onto the wall, almost hitting the doctor.

A couple of years later my mom was in labor with my little brother and her water exploded in the waiting room all over the floor. She was horrified. The nurse tried to comfort her. ‘Don’t worry,’ she told her, ‘there was one woman whose fluids ended up all over the wall.’

‘Yeah,’ my mom said, ‘that was me.’ Apparently she was a legendary story for the nurses there.”

–Rachel Elizabeth Mabey, Facebook

7. “I was peeing all over myself.”

“I had gotten my epidural, and during one of the hourly checks, my nurse was discharging my bladder. I really have no idea how she did it, but it involved some sort of tube into my bladder and into one of those pink tubs. Well, she did the tube thing, was looking at my stats, and I felt something move between my legs. Basically the pee tube had popped out of the tub, and I was just peeing all over myself. Honestly, I wasn’t really that embarrassed. I mean, the woman had already had her hand up my vag how many times at this point?”

–Tiffany Adams, Facebook

8. “I had two choices: Wipe my face, or be a good sister.”

“My sister was in delivery and I was holding one leg as she was pushing. She had an epidural so she couldn’t feel a thing. As my niece’s head popped out, I got splattered in the face with juices. Decision time. Drop her leg and wipe my face or be a good sister and keep holding up that leg as the rest of the baby came out. I was a good sister. Have never washed my face so well in my life!”

–Meghan McGovern, Facebook

View this image ›

9. “You are scaring the moms in the other rooms.”

“I screamed bloody murder during my contractions. The nurse walked in and told me in the nicest voice, ‘You are scaring all the moms in the other rooms who aren’t as far along as you are.’ I didn’t care. I screamed until I got my shot.”

–Lorin Armstrong, Facebook

10. “Fuck! He knows I’ve got kids!”

“I was pretty loopy on gas while they were putting the epidural in for my emergency C-section. All I remember thinking was how gorgeous my anesthetist was, and that ‘fuck, he knows I’ve got kids!'”

–Sarah Kerby, Facebook

11. “Everything tasted blue.”

“I got really drunk on gas and air with my second daughter and said that I could smell melted vanilla ice cream and that everything tasted blue.”

–Maggie Moo Spiller, Facebook

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

12. “Shut the hell up and stop being so supportive!”

“After about 30 hours in I yelled at my mother to ‘shut the hell up and stop being so supportive!'”

– Whitney Roy, Facebook

13. “My vagina feels drunk.”

“After trying to ‘breathe through the contractions’ for a few hours, I asked for an epidural. They gave it to me and it felt so good once it kicked in, I started to feel loopy because I was pain-free after so much pain. The anesthesiologist came in to check on me and asked me how I was doing. I looked at him and said ‘My vagina feels drunk’… He tried to keep a straight face and act professional but had to turn around because he was laughing so hard.”

–Erin Ann Johnson, Facebook

14. “My wife is high as a kite.”

“I kept asking my husband to call Colton so I could tell her I loved her and missed her. The nurse was so sweet — she asked me if I knew Colton’s phone number and I started to cry. She said she would lend me her phone so I could call her. As she pulls out her phone my husband comes in and asked what we were doing. She tells him we’re gonna call Colton ‘cause I obviously need her. He goes, ‘Colton is our dog. My wife is high as a kite.’ To which I started to cry again and asked him to bring her.”

–Nancy Jaimes-Soto, Facebook

15. “I sold a garage door during my C-section.”

“I was so doped up during my C-section that I spent the whole time slurring a sales speech to the anesthesiologist for a garage door and opener. LOL… He bought one a few weeks later though!”

–Angelica Halls, Facebook

View this image ›

16. “It’s a disaster down there.”

“Right after my daughter was born and they were sewing up my degree tear, my husband says: ‘Whatever you do, don’t look in the mirror. It’s a disaster down there.'”

–Karen Halker Miller, Facebook

17. “You can kiss her first if it makes you more comfortable.”

“We had a very sweet female nurse in training come in with another nurse. The experienced nurse checked for dilation and took note on it and told the student to take a try. It was very apparent she had never had her fingers in another female before and she looked terrified. My husband, who is NEVER serious and always tries to make others uncomfortable, says ‘You can kiss her first if it make you more comfortable’… *mortified*. She did NOT think it was funny…”

–Lauren Ashley Walton-McGee, Facebook

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

18. “We maintained the most uncomfortable eye contact.”

“There I am, post-epidural, and the nurse comes to see if my water has broken. ‘I think so’ I say, not really knowing what I was supposed to be looking for. So she slides her gloved hand up in my business, and with the slightest of pokes proceeds to break my water. Unfortunately, the shock was such that I immediately contracted and trapped her hand in my vag. We maintained the most uncomfortable eye contact as her glove filled with fluid.”

–Madeleine Kaizer, Facebook

19. “GET THE FUCK OUT OF ME.”

“So my doctor is an older guy and when he came in to break my water he says very professionally, ‘This won’t hurt at all, but you will feel a lot of pressure.’ So I sit back and prop up. He pulls out a massive torture device that looks like something from American Horror Story. He places it in me and I immediately arch my back and try to kick him away while screaming, ‘GET THE FUCK OUT OF ME.’ He looked down ashamed and quietly laughed, ‘That’s the first time a woman has told me that.’ My husband beamed at my doctor with the potential friendship he saw blossoming.”

–Celeste Pitre, Facebook

20. “Wow, you need to wax.”

“When they put my legs up to start pushing my husband looked at my vag and said, ‘Wow. You need to wax.’ I’m not sure I have forgiven him yet.”

–Heather Drew, Facebook

21. “Are you flossing my vagina?”

“When my beautiful 10 pound 3 ounce baby girl was born my world changed, I was instantly in love. I was looking at her when my doctor started stitching me up. Now, I’ve never had stitches before so the sensation was new (and in my effing vagina, no less) so without thinking I just looked at my doctor and asked, ‘are you flossing my vagina?'”

– jacquelines4a31a66f9, BuzzFeed.com

View this image ›

22. “I can’t do this!”

“I think my most glorious moment was when I grabbed my husband during transition and told him 100% seriously, ‘OK, this next contraction YOU have to push because I can’t do this.'”

–Amy Mansell, Facebook

23. “At least you didn’t head-butt me like the girl yesterday.”

“Once I hit a six I wanted my epidural, but the anesthesiologist took two hours to go from downstairs to the second floor. During that time I got ANGRY and yelled at my nurse. Once the epidural finally arrived and I’d calmed down, I told her I was so sorry that I yelled and I didn’t mean it. She said, ‘We are used to it. Don’t sweat it. At least you didn’t head-butt me like the girl yesterday.'”

–Callie Anne Crabtree, Facebook

24. “I suddenly started laughing and couldn’t stop.”

“With my third kiddo, I was well into active labor and overly exhausted (as lots of moms get to be at that point), when I suddenly started laughing…and I couldn’t stop. For 20–30 minutes. No joke. The nurses were both freaked out and laughing, too, as was my hubby. Needless to say, I was well known on that maternity ward for being the first mom to laugh uncontrollably during labor. *Note: If you end up in a similar situation, laughing through powerful, unmedicated contractions hurts like hell, but it makes the experience much more memorable. :)”

–Erin Wolf, Facebook

25. The Ultimate Potter Fan

“I was watching a Harry Potter marathon when the nurse checked to see how far dilated I was. I was 9 ¾. I was so ecstatic!!”

–Sarah Pike, Facebook

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

26. “I was told I bit my father-in-law’s shoulder.”

“I was three days overdue, felt some consistent contractions, went to the hospital, and was hooked up to the monitors. After being there for three hours (we left at midnight), I wasn’t dilating anymore so they sent me home and told me to rest, that it would be in a day or two. I didn’t get any sleep that night, I tossed and turned and was in constant pain. I felt lots of pressure, went to the bathroom, held a mirror down there and could see my daughter’s head. I told my mother-in-law, she woke up her husband, we were all just in a panic and screaming at each other, the paramedics were called but she was born in front of the bathroom before they got there. I don’t remember a lot but I was told I bit my father-in-law’s shoulder.”

–Shea Posey, Facebook

View this image ›

27. “So I’m just hanging out on my hospital bed, legs wide open…”

“I had been pushing for about 15 minutes and my daughter was crowning, but apparently I was a little too numb because I was having a hard time pushing her past that point, so my doctor told me we were going to take a break and she’d be back in about five or 10 minutes. So I’m just hanging out in my hospital bed, legs wide open with my daughter’s head poking out, when, after 30 MINUTES, my doctor finally came back.”

–Carmen Breckenridge, Facebook

28. “Well, it happened.”

“I had my mom, my boyfriend, and two support people in the room, as well as my nurse, who was telling me to push (really to practice for when she was coming in the next few minutes). I was refusing since I had everyone in the room because I felt I was going to poop. I was screaming, ‘I can’t push, I can feel it. I’m gonna poop. I don’t want anyone to see that,’ and the nurse was assuring me I wasn’t, and everyone was trying to convince me to push because it’s OK. Well, it happened. Nobody said anything. But the nurse came and wiped me and all I said was ‘See, I told you so…'”

–Bethany Danielle Cooke, Facebook

View this image ›

Morgan Shanahan // BuzzFeed

29. “Nope, that was you.”

“I heard someone rip a big one… I looked over at my sister and asked, ‘Was that you?!’ She just laughed and said…’Nope, that was you.’ Everyone was cracking up, especially me since I was so doped up.”

–Mariah Irvin, Facebook

30. “The bed did a sort of ‘Tokyo drift’ into the delivery room…”

“Partway through my labor, I felt a sudden, much worse pain than I had ever felt before. I hit the nurse-call button shrieking for help. A second nurse came in as the first one lifted the sheet to check…and they both exclaimed: ‘STOP PUSHING!!’

They started wheeling me out of the room. They kept shouting: ‘STOP PUSHING!’ and I kept shouting back: ‘I’M NOT PUSHING!’

We slammed through the double doors of the delivery room and the bed sorta did a ‘Tokyo drift’ to a stop in the middle of the room. The momentum caused me to drop from my side onto my back and as soon as my back landed on the bed, the baby popped out (and the pain went away). The nurse standing at the foot of my bed was pulling on gloves, and she snapped the last glove on and exclaimed: ‘Tell the doctor he can take his time now.'”

–Patty Smith, Facebook

31. “He just kept pointing at the baby and shouting how cool it was.”

“Giving birth to my second baby, as he was coming out he stuck one arm out and grabbed the head doctor’s scrubs and pulled. The young intern was so excited he just kept pointing at the baby and shouting how cool it was. Even my seasoned doctor seemed amazed. All I could think of is the baby must want out as bad as I want him to be.”

–Cherish Fritts Newman, Facebook

32. “GET IT OUT!”

“When the doctor finally arrived in the delivery room mid-pushing, he checks me and tells me to reach between my legs and grab her head. By that point, though, I was so ready for it to be over, I just screamed at him. ‘Get it out!'”

–Cassi Osborn, Facebook

View this image ›

33. “It looked just like Heath Ledger’s fucked-up smile as the Joker.”

“I made the mistake of looking at my vagina in a mirror out of curiosity after being stitched up — it looked just like Heath Ledger’s fucked-up smile as the Joker.”

–Erin Day, Facebook

34. “Never touch the placenta.”

“After my son was finally out, in my epidural-high state, I asked to touch the placenta…and they let me. Ladies. Never touch the placenta.”

–Kirsten Strider, Facebook

35. “He’s still attached!”

“The nurse was so worried about getting my newborn son cleaned up and checking him that she tried taking him before they cut the cord. It hurt. I yelled, ‘He’s still attached!’ and she set him down real quick. I almost punched that lady.”

–Rashelle Koier, Facebook

36. “I have never seen no shit like that in my life.”

My grandmother was present at the delivery. After the final push as my daughter was born, I looked over to my grandmother to see if she was crying… She wasn’t.

She was standing in the corner, horrified at what she just witnessed. After the chaos died down I asked my her why she was so horrified, having given birth herself. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, ‘I have never seen no shit like that in my life. Don’t call me till after the baby’s born on the next one, OK Mija?’“

–Janay Danica Alexandra Guevara, Facebook

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

37. “Sorry doc, you missed the whole show.”

“While sleeping in the hospital, I woke up with a start, screaming at my husband that baby was coming. By the time the nurse finally got in to the room and checked me, my daughter was already crowning. The nurse grabs the nearest on call doctor who barely made into the room, literally at the last second to grab the baby.

Five minutes later my OBGYN walks in, and goes “ok, are we ready to have a baby?” Sorry doc, you missed the whole show.”

– Vanessa Schira, Facebook

38. “My husband and I made an agreement that he would not look down there…”

“Before my son was born, my husband and I made an agreement that he would not look down there… Well, after he was out and they were going about the after-business, I came to enough to see him making a weird face. I asked him if he looked, he nodded yes and said he saw the placenta. He then whispered that it looked like a meat toupee.”

–Sandra Walker, Facebook

39. “If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.”

My husband and I was just waiting for me to go No. 2 so we could be discharged when I had already been in there two days. I wanted to do the suppository because the nurse said it was faster. I felt the poor nurses had seen enough of everything so I offered to do it myself. The nurse left and here I am in the bathroom trying and failing miserably. Instead of calling the nurse back in, I had my husband do it. He was mortified but a champ (while wearing gloves lol). After everything was said and done he looked at me and said, ‘If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.'”

–Kara Kieffer, Facebook

View this image ›

40. My teeth!

“While in labor with my sister, my mom remembers her mom arriving and screaming with excitement. Her teeth flew out under the hospital bed, and she couldn’t get them until after the birth!”

–Angel Morrison, Facebook

41. “Oh my god, I birthed an alien!”

“I felt what I thought was a No. 2 slip out just as I got into the birthing pool. I said to my husband, ‘Oh my god, I pooped in the pool!!’ Just then, a big bubble floated to the surface and I said, ‘Oh my god, I birthed an alien!’ The midwife grabbed the ‘bubble’ and tore it open. My son was born inside of his amniotic sack.”

–Laura Downie, Facebook

42. “Hell no, I want to check my hair.”

“In the delivery room they had a giant mirror on wheels so if you wanted, you could watch the delivery. I asked my nurse to wheel it over to me and she said, ‘Aw, you want to watch the delivery??’

“‘Hell no, I want to check my hair.'”

–Sarah Fouquet, Facebook

43. “He SHOWED my poop to my husband…”

“I pooped and the doctor lifted up a blue tarp with my poo on it and showed it to my husband saying, ‘This is why I put that there.’ Yep. He SHOWED my poop to my husband while I was trying to bring our child into the world.”

–Kristin Tutt, Facebook

44. “It looked like a crime scene in there.”

“While I was in the final stages of labor (i.e., pushing) a nurse stepped on my IV cord and dislodged it. We had no idea, so with every push more and more blood sprayed out of the unattached cord. Nobody noticed blood spraying everywhere. When the doctor came in for the last few pushes she remarked that it looked like a crime scene in there. There was a pool of blood on the floor and the nurse was splattered with it.”

–Tracey Citron, Facebook

45. “He was crowning!”

“Craziest moment from labor? When I was told to stop pushing. My son was crowning and they said to stop because the doctor wasn’t there yet. The nurse didn’t want to deliver him on her own. Stop pushing??? HE WAS CROWNING!”

–Alycia M. Smith, Facebook

View this image ›

Morgan Shanahan // BuzzFeed

46. “He was tasked with scooping my poop nuggets out of the birthing pool with a fishing net.”

“I had a planned home-water birth, and when I was pushing I guess little bits of poop were coming out. What I didn’t learn until later was that every time one would float to the surface my incredibly dedicated husband was tasked with fishing my poop nuggets out of the water with one of those green aquarium nets.”

–Jana Silver, Facebook

47. GOAL!

“When my mom delivered my older sister, she was in Nigeria during the World Cup and the doctor made her wait till the match was over.”

–John Alex Nieboer, Facebook

48. Word to the wise…

“Words of wisdom: DO NOT EAT SPINACH DIP PRIOR TO LABOR.”

–Marla Czechowski, Facebook

49. “He put the placenta under his foot and stretched it up to his head.”

“After the exciting part was said and done, the doctor motioned for my boyfriend to join him and the foot of my bed. He said, ‘Watch this!’ and put the placenta under his foot and stretched it all the way up to his head. Boys….”

–Liz Boeche, Facebook

Want great parenting tips in your inbox twice a week? Sign up for the BuzzFeed Parents newsletter!

View this embed ›

If you want to be featured in similar BuzzFeed posts, follow the BuzzFeed Community on Facebook and Twitter.

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/morganshanahan/birth-is-freaking-hard

[kidsviral-blog]

49 Real Life Labor And Delivery Stories...If You Can Handle Them

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/49-real-life-labor-and-delivery-stories-if-you-can-handle-them/

49 Real Life Labor And Delivery Stories...If You Can Handle Them

Childbirth is no walk in the park. Unless you happen to be walking in the park when it happens.

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

The BuzzFeed Community asked readers to share their craziest memories from labor and delivery with us, and holy wow did they come through. If you’ve never given birth, proceed with caution. No, seriously.

1. “He delivered our baby on our bathroom floor.”

“As we were getting ready to leave for the hospital, I thought I was going to poop the turd of the century. I ran to the bathroom. My boyfriend was screaming, ‘What are you doing?! We have to go!’ And I yelled back, ‘I can’t stop it! I think I have to poop but this just doesn’t feel right!’

My eyes widened and I yelled ‘THIS BABY IS COMING NOW.’ My poor boyfriend delivered our baby boy on our bathroom floor at 4:50 a.m. So, to my precious, perfect babe, yes. I thought you were a giant, monstrous shit, not a 7 pound, 14 ounce squishy ball of cute.”

–Chantel Guidera, Facebook

View this image ›

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

2. “Her water broke in the middle of a Burger King…”

“When my mom was pregnant with me her water broke in the middle of a Burger King, so she threw down her cup of soda to hide the evidence.”

–Catie LaGrasta, Facebook

3. “I taught him in med school.”

“I was in mid-labor when a shift change occurred and the OB on call asked if I minded some interns coming through. Not at all, until one of the interns looks up, mid-examination, and asks me whether I taught neuroanatomy at a local medical school. Yeppers. I had taught him in med school. All I could think to ask was whether he had passed my class as I sure as heck wasn’t in much of a position to remember him!”

–Jen Kulak, Facebook

View this image ›

4. “I’ll never understand how he moved that fast.”

“My husband was front and center of the action, and on my second push my water broke violently in a huge, forceful gush. Being a paramedic, my husband is really, really good at dodging bodily fluids. Immediately after my water broke, I heard him say, ‘What the hell was that?’ from the opposite end of the bed from where he had just been. Not a drop on him; I’ll never understand how he moved that fast.”

–Brittaney Gilmore, Facebook

5. “Whoa! Somebody pooped in the pool!”

“My baby had a BM [bowel movement] in utero, so the first thing I heard when the doctor opened me up for the C-section was, ‘Whoa! Somebody pooped in the pool!'”

–Rosanna Bigford, Facebook

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

6. “It was a legendary story for the nurses there.”

“When my mom was in labor with my sister, her water broke and all of it splashed onto the wall, almost hitting the doctor.

A couple of years later my mom was in labor with my little brother and her water exploded in the waiting room all over the floor. She was horrified. The nurse tried to comfort her. ‘Don’t worry,’ she told her, ‘there was one woman whose fluids ended up all over the wall.’

‘Yeah,’ my mom said, ‘that was me.’ Apparently she was a legendary story for the nurses there.”

–Rachel Elizabeth Mabey, Facebook

7. “I was peeing all over myself.”

“I had gotten my epidural, and during one of the hourly checks, my nurse was discharging my bladder. I really have no idea how she did it, but it involved some sort of tube into my bladder and into one of those pink tubs. Well, she did the tube thing, was looking at my stats, and I felt something move between my legs. Basically the pee tube had popped out of the tub, and I was just peeing all over myself. Honestly, I wasn’t really that embarrassed. I mean, the woman had already had her hand up my vag how many times at this point?”

–Tiffany Adams, Facebook

8. “I had two choices: Wipe my face, or be a good sister.”

“My sister was in delivery and I was holding one leg as she was pushing. She had an epidural so she couldn’t feel a thing. As my niece’s head popped out, I got splattered in the face with juices. Decision time. Drop her leg and wipe my face or be a good sister and keep holding up that leg as the rest of the baby came out. I was a good sister. Have never washed my face so well in my life!”

–Meghan McGovern, Facebook

View this image ›

9. “You are scaring the moms in the other rooms.”

“I screamed bloody murder during my contractions. The nurse walked in and told me in the nicest voice, ‘You are scaring all the moms in the other rooms who aren’t as far along as you are.’ I didn’t care. I screamed until I got my shot.”

–Lorin Armstrong, Facebook

10. “Fuck! He knows I’ve got kids!”

“I was pretty loopy on gas while they were putting the epidural in for my emergency C-section. All I remember thinking was how gorgeous my anesthetist was, and that ‘fuck, he knows I’ve got kids!'”

–Sarah Kerby, Facebook

11. “Everything tasted blue.”

“I got really drunk on gas and air with my second daughter and said that I could smell melted vanilla ice cream and that everything tasted blue.”

–Maggie Moo Spiller, Facebook

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

12. “Shut the hell up and stop being so supportive!”

“After about 30 hours in I yelled at my mother to ‘shut the hell up and stop being so supportive!'”

– Whitney Roy, Facebook

13. “My vagina feels drunk.”

“After trying to ‘breathe through the contractions’ for a few hours, I asked for an epidural. They gave it to me and it felt so good once it kicked in, I started to feel loopy because I was pain-free after so much pain. The anesthesiologist came in to check on me and asked me how I was doing. I looked at him and said ‘My vagina feels drunk’… He tried to keep a straight face and act professional but had to turn around because he was laughing so hard.”

–Erin Ann Johnson, Facebook

14. “My wife is high as a kite.”

“I kept asking my husband to call Colton so I could tell her I loved her and missed her. The nurse was so sweet — she asked me if I knew Colton’s phone number and I started to cry. She said she would lend me her phone so I could call her. As she pulls out her phone my husband comes in and asked what we were doing. She tells him we’re gonna call Colton ‘cause I obviously need her. He goes, ‘Colton is our dog. My wife is high as a kite.’ To which I started to cry again and asked him to bring her.”

–Nancy Jaimes-Soto, Facebook

15. “I sold a garage door during my C-section.”

“I was so doped up during my C-section that I spent the whole time slurring a sales speech to the anesthesiologist for a garage door and opener. LOL… He bought one a few weeks later though!”

–Angelica Halls, Facebook

View this image ›

16. “It’s a disaster down there.”

“Right after my daughter was born and they were sewing up my degree tear, my husband says: ‘Whatever you do, don’t look in the mirror. It’s a disaster down there.'”

–Karen Halker Miller, Facebook

17. “You can kiss her first if it makes you more comfortable.”

“We had a very sweet female nurse in training come in with another nurse. The experienced nurse checked for dilation and took note on it and told the student to take a try. It was very apparent she had never had her fingers in another female before and she looked terrified. My husband, who is NEVER serious and always tries to make others uncomfortable, says ‘You can kiss her first if it make you more comfortable’… *mortified*. She did NOT think it was funny…”

–Lauren Ashley Walton-McGee, Facebook

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

18. “We maintained the most uncomfortable eye contact.”

“There I am, post-epidural, and the nurse comes to see if my water has broken. ‘I think so’ I say, not really knowing what I was supposed to be looking for. So she slides her gloved hand up in my business, and with the slightest of pokes proceeds to break my water. Unfortunately, the shock was such that I immediately contracted and trapped her hand in my vag. We maintained the most uncomfortable eye contact as her glove filled with fluid.”

–Madeleine Kaizer, Facebook

19. “GET THE FUCK OUT OF ME.”

“So my doctor is an older guy and when he came in to break my water he says very professionally, ‘This won’t hurt at all, but you will feel a lot of pressure.’ So I sit back and prop up. He pulls out a massive torture device that looks like something from American Horror Story. He places it in me and I immediately arch my back and try to kick him away while screaming, ‘GET THE FUCK OUT OF ME.’ He looked down ashamed and quietly laughed, ‘That’s the first time a woman has told me that.’ My husband beamed at my doctor with the potential friendship he saw blossoming.”

–Celeste Pitre, Facebook

20. “Wow, you need to wax.”

“When they put my legs up to start pushing my husband looked at my vag and said, ‘Wow. You need to wax.’ I’m not sure I have forgiven him yet.”

–Heather Drew, Facebook

21. “Are you flossing my vagina?”

“When my beautiful 10 pound 3 ounce baby girl was born my world changed, I was instantly in love. I was looking at her when my doctor started stitching me up. Now, I’ve never had stitches before so the sensation was new (and in my effing vagina, no less) so without thinking I just looked at my doctor and asked, ‘are you flossing my vagina?'”

– jacquelines4a31a66f9, BuzzFeed.com

View this image ›

22. “I can’t do this!”

“I think my most glorious moment was when I grabbed my husband during transition and told him 100% seriously, ‘OK, this next contraction YOU have to push because I can’t do this.'”

–Amy Mansell, Facebook

23. “At least you didn’t head-butt me like the girl yesterday.”

“Once I hit a six I wanted my epidural, but the anesthesiologist took two hours to go from downstairs to the second floor. During that time I got ANGRY and yelled at my nurse. Once the epidural finally arrived and I’d calmed down, I told her I was so sorry that I yelled and I didn’t mean it. She said, ‘We are used to it. Don’t sweat it. At least you didn’t head-butt me like the girl yesterday.'”

–Callie Anne Crabtree, Facebook

24. “I suddenly started laughing and couldn’t stop.”

“With my third kiddo, I was well into active labor and overly exhausted (as lots of moms get to be at that point), when I suddenly started laughing…and I couldn’t stop. For 20–30 minutes. No joke. The nurses were both freaked out and laughing, too, as was my hubby. Needless to say, I was well known on that maternity ward for being the first mom to laugh uncontrollably during labor. *Note: If you end up in a similar situation, laughing through powerful, unmedicated contractions hurts like hell, but it makes the experience much more memorable. :)”

–Erin Wolf, Facebook

25. The Ultimate Potter Fan

“I was watching a Harry Potter marathon when the nurse checked to see how far dilated I was. I was 9 ¾. I was so ecstatic!!”

–Sarah Pike, Facebook

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

26. “I was told I bit my father-in-law’s shoulder.”

“I was three days overdue, felt some consistent contractions, went to the hospital, and was hooked up to the monitors. After being there for three hours (we left at midnight), I wasn’t dilating anymore so they sent me home and told me to rest, that it would be in a day or two. I didn’t get any sleep that night, I tossed and turned and was in constant pain. I felt lots of pressure, went to the bathroom, held a mirror down there and could see my daughter’s head. I told my mother-in-law, she woke up her husband, we were all just in a panic and screaming at each other, the paramedics were called but she was born in front of the bathroom before they got there. I don’t remember a lot but I was told I bit my father-in-law’s shoulder.”

–Shea Posey, Facebook

View this image ›

27. “So I’m just hanging out on my hospital bed, legs wide open…”

“I had been pushing for about 15 minutes and my daughter was crowning, but apparently I was a little too numb because I was having a hard time pushing her past that point, so my doctor told me we were going to take a break and she’d be back in about five or 10 minutes. So I’m just hanging out in my hospital bed, legs wide open with my daughter’s head poking out, when, after 30 MINUTES, my doctor finally came back.”

–Carmen Breckenridge, Facebook

28. “Well, it happened.”

“I had my mom, my boyfriend, and two support people in the room, as well as my nurse, who was telling me to push (really to practice for when she was coming in the next few minutes). I was refusing since I had everyone in the room because I felt I was going to poop. I was screaming, ‘I can’t push, I can feel it. I’m gonna poop. I don’t want anyone to see that,’ and the nurse was assuring me I wasn’t, and everyone was trying to convince me to push because it’s OK. Well, it happened. Nobody said anything. But the nurse came and wiped me and all I said was ‘See, I told you so…'”

–Bethany Danielle Cooke, Facebook

View this image ›

Morgan Shanahan // BuzzFeed

29. “Nope, that was you.”

“I heard someone rip a big one… I looked over at my sister and asked, ‘Was that you?!’ She just laughed and said…’Nope, that was you.’ Everyone was cracking up, especially me since I was so doped up.”

–Mariah Irvin, Facebook

30. “The bed did a sort of ‘Tokyo drift’ into the delivery room…”

“Partway through my labor, I felt a sudden, much worse pain than I had ever felt before. I hit the nurse-call button shrieking for help. A second nurse came in as the first one lifted the sheet to check…and they both exclaimed: ‘STOP PUSHING!!’

They started wheeling me out of the room. They kept shouting: ‘STOP PUSHING!’ and I kept shouting back: ‘I’M NOT PUSHING!’

We slammed through the double doors of the delivery room and the bed sorta did a ‘Tokyo drift’ to a stop in the middle of the room. The momentum caused me to drop from my side onto my back and as soon as my back landed on the bed, the baby popped out (and the pain went away). The nurse standing at the foot of my bed was pulling on gloves, and she snapped the last glove on and exclaimed: ‘Tell the doctor he can take his time now.'”

–Patty Smith, Facebook

31. “He just kept pointing at the baby and shouting how cool it was.”

“Giving birth to my second baby, as he was coming out he stuck one arm out and grabbed the head doctor’s scrubs and pulled. The young intern was so excited he just kept pointing at the baby and shouting how cool it was. Even my seasoned doctor seemed amazed. All I could think of is the baby must want out as bad as I want him to be.”

–Cherish Fritts Newman, Facebook

32. “GET IT OUT!”

“When the doctor finally arrived in the delivery room mid-pushing, he checks me and tells me to reach between my legs and grab her head. By that point, though, I was so ready for it to be over, I just screamed at him. ‘Get it out!'”

–Cassi Osborn, Facebook

View this image ›

33. “It looked just like Heath Ledger’s fucked-up smile as the Joker.”

“I made the mistake of looking at my vagina in a mirror out of curiosity after being stitched up — it looked just like Heath Ledger’s fucked-up smile as the Joker.”

–Erin Day, Facebook

34. “Never touch the placenta.”

“After my son was finally out, in my epidural-high state, I asked to touch the placenta…and they let me. Ladies. Never touch the placenta.”

–Kirsten Strider, Facebook

35. “He’s still attached!”

“The nurse was so worried about getting my newborn son cleaned up and checking him that she tried taking him before they cut the cord. It hurt. I yelled, ‘He’s still attached!’ and she set him down real quick. I almost punched that lady.”

–Rashelle Koier, Facebook

36. “I have never seen no shit like that in my life.”

My grandmother was present at the delivery. After the final push as my daughter was born, I looked over to my grandmother to see if she was crying… She wasn’t.

She was standing in the corner, horrified at what she just witnessed. After the chaos died down I asked my her why she was so horrified, having given birth herself. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, ‘I have never seen no shit like that in my life. Don’t call me till after the baby’s born on the next one, OK Mija?’“

–Janay Danica Alexandra Guevara, Facebook

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

37. “Sorry doc, you missed the whole show.”

“While sleeping in the hospital, I woke up with a start, screaming at my husband that baby was coming. By the time the nurse finally got in to the room and checked me, my daughter was already crowning. The nurse grabs the nearest on call doctor who barely made into the room, literally at the last second to grab the baby.

Five minutes later my OBGYN walks in, and goes “ok, are we ready to have a baby?” Sorry doc, you missed the whole show.”

– Vanessa Schira, Facebook

38. “My husband and I made an agreement that he would not look down there…”

“Before my son was born, my husband and I made an agreement that he would not look down there… Well, after he was out and they were going about the after-business, I came to enough to see him making a weird face. I asked him if he looked, he nodded yes and said he saw the placenta. He then whispered that it looked like a meat toupee.”

–Sandra Walker, Facebook

39. “If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.”

My husband and I was just waiting for me to go No. 2 so we could be discharged when I had already been in there two days. I wanted to do the suppository because the nurse said it was faster. I felt the poor nurses had seen enough of everything so I offered to do it myself. The nurse left and here I am in the bathroom trying and failing miserably. Instead of calling the nurse back in, I had my husband do it. He was mortified but a champ (while wearing gloves lol). After everything was said and done he looked at me and said, ‘If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.'”

–Kara Kieffer, Facebook

View this image ›

40. My teeth!

“While in labor with my sister, my mom remembers her mom arriving and screaming with excitement. Her teeth flew out under the hospital bed, and she couldn’t get them until after the birth!”

–Angel Morrison, Facebook

41. “Oh my god, I birthed an alien!”

“I felt what I thought was a No. 2 slip out just as I got into the birthing pool. I said to my husband, ‘Oh my god, I pooped in the pool!!’ Just then, a big bubble floated to the surface and I said, ‘Oh my god, I birthed an alien!’ The midwife grabbed the ‘bubble’ and tore it open. My son was born inside of his amniotic sack.”

–Laura Downie, Facebook

42. “Hell no, I want to check my hair.”

“In the delivery room they had a giant mirror on wheels so if you wanted, you could watch the delivery. I asked my nurse to wheel it over to me and she said, ‘Aw, you want to watch the delivery??’

“‘Hell no, I want to check my hair.'”

–Sarah Fouquet, Facebook

43. “He SHOWED my poop to my husband…”

“I pooped and the doctor lifted up a blue tarp with my poo on it and showed it to my husband saying, ‘This is why I put that there.’ Yep. He SHOWED my poop to my husband while I was trying to bring our child into the world.”

–Kristin Tutt, Facebook

44. “It looked like a crime scene in there.”

“While I was in the final stages of labor (i.e., pushing) a nurse stepped on my IV cord and dislodged it. We had no idea, so with every push more and more blood sprayed out of the unattached cord. Nobody noticed blood spraying everywhere. When the doctor came in for the last few pushes she remarked that it looked like a crime scene in there. There was a pool of blood on the floor and the nurse was splattered with it.”

–Tracey Citron, Facebook

45. “He was crowning!”

“Craziest moment from labor? When I was told to stop pushing. My son was crowning and they said to stop because the doctor wasn’t there yet. The nurse didn’t want to deliver him on her own. Stop pushing??? HE WAS CROWNING!”

–Alycia M. Smith, Facebook

View this image ›

Morgan Shanahan // BuzzFeed

46. “He was tasked with scooping my poop nuggets out of the birthing pool with a fishing net.”

“I had a planned home-water birth, and when I was pushing I guess little bits of poop were coming out. What I didn’t learn until later was that every time one would float to the surface my incredibly dedicated husband was tasked with fishing my poop nuggets out of the water with one of those green aquarium nets.”

–Jana Silver, Facebook

47. GOAL!

“When my mom delivered my older sister, she was in Nigeria during the World Cup and the doctor made her wait till the match was over.”

–John Alex Nieboer, Facebook

48. Word to the wise…

“Words of wisdom: DO NOT EAT SPINACH DIP PRIOR TO LABOR.”

–Marla Czechowski, Facebook

49. “He put the placenta under his foot and stretched it up to his head.”

“After the exciting part was said and done, the doctor motioned for my boyfriend to join him and the foot of my bed. He said, ‘Watch this!’ and put the placenta under his foot and stretched it all the way up to his head. Boys….”

–Liz Boeche, Facebook

Want great parenting tips in your inbox twice a week? Sign up for the BuzzFeed Parents newsletter!

View this embed ›

If you want to be featured in similar BuzzFeed posts, follow the BuzzFeed Community on Facebook and Twitter.

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/morganshanahan/birth-is-freaking-hard

[kidsviral-blog]

49 Real Life Labor And Delivery Stories...If You Can Handle Them

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/49-real-life-labor-and-delivery-stories-if-you-can-handle-them/

49 Real Life Labor And Delivery Stories...If You Can Handle Them

Childbirth is no walk in the park. Unless you happen to be walking in the park when it happens.

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

The BuzzFeed Community asked readers to share their craziest memories from labor and delivery with us, and holy wow did they come through. If you’ve never given birth, proceed with caution. No, seriously.

1. “He delivered our baby on our bathroom floor.”

“As we were getting ready to leave for the hospital, I thought I was going to poop the turd of the century. I ran to the bathroom. My boyfriend was screaming, ‘What are you doing?! We have to go!’ And I yelled back, ‘I can’t stop it! I think I have to poop but this just doesn’t feel right!’

My eyes widened and I yelled ‘THIS BABY IS COMING NOW.’ My poor boyfriend delivered our baby boy on our bathroom floor at 4:50 a.m. So, to my precious, perfect babe, yes. I thought you were a giant, monstrous shit, not a 7 pound, 14 ounce squishy ball of cute.”

–Chantel Guidera, Facebook

View this image ›

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

2. “Her water broke in the middle of a Burger King…”

“When my mom was pregnant with me her water broke in the middle of a Burger King, so she threw down her cup of soda to hide the evidence.”

–Catie LaGrasta, Facebook

3. “I taught him in med school.”

“I was in mid-labor when a shift change occurred and the OB on call asked if I minded some interns coming through. Not at all, until one of the interns looks up, mid-examination, and asks me whether I taught neuroanatomy at a local medical school. Yeppers. I had taught him in med school. All I could think to ask was whether he had passed my class as I sure as heck wasn’t in much of a position to remember him!”

–Jen Kulak, Facebook

View this image ›

4. “I’ll never understand how he moved that fast.”

“My husband was front and center of the action, and on my second push my water broke violently in a huge, forceful gush. Being a paramedic, my husband is really, really good at dodging bodily fluids. Immediately after my water broke, I heard him say, ‘What the hell was that?’ from the opposite end of the bed from where he had just been. Not a drop on him; I’ll never understand how he moved that fast.”

–Brittaney Gilmore, Facebook

5. “Whoa! Somebody pooped in the pool!”

“My baby had a BM [bowel movement] in utero, so the first thing I heard when the doctor opened me up for the C-section was, ‘Whoa! Somebody pooped in the pool!'”

–Rosanna Bigford, Facebook

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

6. “It was a legendary story for the nurses there.”

“When my mom was in labor with my sister, her water broke and all of it splashed onto the wall, almost hitting the doctor.

A couple of years later my mom was in labor with my little brother and her water exploded in the waiting room all over the floor. She was horrified. The nurse tried to comfort her. ‘Don’t worry,’ she told her, ‘there was one woman whose fluids ended up all over the wall.’

‘Yeah,’ my mom said, ‘that was me.’ Apparently she was a legendary story for the nurses there.”

–Rachel Elizabeth Mabey, Facebook

7. “I was peeing all over myself.”

“I had gotten my epidural, and during one of the hourly checks, my nurse was discharging my bladder. I really have no idea how she did it, but it involved some sort of tube into my bladder and into one of those pink tubs. Well, she did the tube thing, was looking at my stats, and I felt something move between my legs. Basically the pee tube had popped out of the tub, and I was just peeing all over myself. Honestly, I wasn’t really that embarrassed. I mean, the woman had already had her hand up my vag how many times at this point?”

–Tiffany Adams, Facebook

8. “I had two choices: Wipe my face, or be a good sister.”

“My sister was in delivery and I was holding one leg as she was pushing. She had an epidural so she couldn’t feel a thing. As my niece’s head popped out, I got splattered in the face with juices. Decision time. Drop her leg and wipe my face or be a good sister and keep holding up that leg as the rest of the baby came out. I was a good sister. Have never washed my face so well in my life!”

–Meghan McGovern, Facebook

View this image ›

9. “You are scaring the moms in the other rooms.”

“I screamed bloody murder during my contractions. The nurse walked in and told me in the nicest voice, ‘You are scaring all the moms in the other rooms who aren’t as far along as you are.’ I didn’t care. I screamed until I got my shot.”

–Lorin Armstrong, Facebook

10. “Fuck! He knows I’ve got kids!”

“I was pretty loopy on gas while they were putting the epidural in for my emergency C-section. All I remember thinking was how gorgeous my anesthetist was, and that ‘fuck, he knows I’ve got kids!'”

–Sarah Kerby, Facebook

11. “Everything tasted blue.”

“I got really drunk on gas and air with my second daughter and said that I could smell melted vanilla ice cream and that everything tasted blue.”

–Maggie Moo Spiller, Facebook

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

12. “Shut the hell up and stop being so supportive!”

“After about 30 hours in I yelled at my mother to ‘shut the hell up and stop being so supportive!'”

– Whitney Roy, Facebook

13. “My vagina feels drunk.”

“After trying to ‘breathe through the contractions’ for a few hours, I asked for an epidural. They gave it to me and it felt so good once it kicked in, I started to feel loopy because I was pain-free after so much pain. The anesthesiologist came in to check on me and asked me how I was doing. I looked at him and said ‘My vagina feels drunk’… He tried to keep a straight face and act professional but had to turn around because he was laughing so hard.”

–Erin Ann Johnson, Facebook

14. “My wife is high as a kite.”

“I kept asking my husband to call Colton so I could tell her I loved her and missed her. The nurse was so sweet — she asked me if I knew Colton’s phone number and I started to cry. She said she would lend me her phone so I could call her. As she pulls out her phone my husband comes in and asked what we were doing. She tells him we’re gonna call Colton ‘cause I obviously need her. He goes, ‘Colton is our dog. My wife is high as a kite.’ To which I started to cry again and asked him to bring her.”

–Nancy Jaimes-Soto, Facebook

15. “I sold a garage door during my C-section.”

“I was so doped up during my C-section that I spent the whole time slurring a sales speech to the anesthesiologist for a garage door and opener. LOL… He bought one a few weeks later though!”

–Angelica Halls, Facebook

View this image ›

16. “It’s a disaster down there.”

“Right after my daughter was born and they were sewing up my degree tear, my husband says: ‘Whatever you do, don’t look in the mirror. It’s a disaster down there.'”

–Karen Halker Miller, Facebook

17. “You can kiss her first if it makes you more comfortable.”

“We had a very sweet female nurse in training come in with another nurse. The experienced nurse checked for dilation and took note on it and told the student to take a try. It was very apparent she had never had her fingers in another female before and she looked terrified. My husband, who is NEVER serious and always tries to make others uncomfortable, says ‘You can kiss her first if it make you more comfortable’… *mortified*. She did NOT think it was funny…”

–Lauren Ashley Walton-McGee, Facebook

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

18. “We maintained the most uncomfortable eye contact.”

“There I am, post-epidural, and the nurse comes to see if my water has broken. ‘I think so’ I say, not really knowing what I was supposed to be looking for. So she slides her gloved hand up in my business, and with the slightest of pokes proceeds to break my water. Unfortunately, the shock was such that I immediately contracted and trapped her hand in my vag. We maintained the most uncomfortable eye contact as her glove filled with fluid.”

–Madeleine Kaizer, Facebook

19. “GET THE FUCK OUT OF ME.”

“So my doctor is an older guy and when he came in to break my water he says very professionally, ‘This won’t hurt at all, but you will feel a lot of pressure.’ So I sit back and prop up. He pulls out a massive torture device that looks like something from American Horror Story. He places it in me and I immediately arch my back and try to kick him away while screaming, ‘GET THE FUCK OUT OF ME.’ He looked down ashamed and quietly laughed, ‘That’s the first time a woman has told me that.’ My husband beamed at my doctor with the potential friendship he saw blossoming.”

–Celeste Pitre, Facebook

20. “Wow, you need to wax.”

“When they put my legs up to start pushing my husband looked at my vag and said, ‘Wow. You need to wax.’ I’m not sure I have forgiven him yet.”

–Heather Drew, Facebook

21. “Are you flossing my vagina?”

“When my beautiful 10 pound 3 ounce baby girl was born my world changed, I was instantly in love. I was looking at her when my doctor started stitching me up. Now, I’ve never had stitches before so the sensation was new (and in my effing vagina, no less) so without thinking I just looked at my doctor and asked, ‘are you flossing my vagina?'”

– jacquelines4a31a66f9, BuzzFeed.com

View this image ›

22. “I can’t do this!”

“I think my most glorious moment was when I grabbed my husband during transition and told him 100% seriously, ‘OK, this next contraction YOU have to push because I can’t do this.'”

–Amy Mansell, Facebook

23. “At least you didn’t head-butt me like the girl yesterday.”

“Once I hit a six I wanted my epidural, but the anesthesiologist took two hours to go from downstairs to the second floor. During that time I got ANGRY and yelled at my nurse. Once the epidural finally arrived and I’d calmed down, I told her I was so sorry that I yelled and I didn’t mean it. She said, ‘We are used to it. Don’t sweat it. At least you didn’t head-butt me like the girl yesterday.'”

–Callie Anne Crabtree, Facebook

24. “I suddenly started laughing and couldn’t stop.”

“With my third kiddo, I was well into active labor and overly exhausted (as lots of moms get to be at that point), when I suddenly started laughing…and I couldn’t stop. For 20–30 minutes. No joke. The nurses were both freaked out and laughing, too, as was my hubby. Needless to say, I was well known on that maternity ward for being the first mom to laugh uncontrollably during labor. *Note: If you end up in a similar situation, laughing through powerful, unmedicated contractions hurts like hell, but it makes the experience much more memorable. :)”

–Erin Wolf, Facebook

25. The Ultimate Potter Fan

“I was watching a Harry Potter marathon when the nurse checked to see how far dilated I was. I was 9 ¾. I was so ecstatic!!”

–Sarah Pike, Facebook

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

26. “I was told I bit my father-in-law’s shoulder.”

“I was three days overdue, felt some consistent contractions, went to the hospital, and was hooked up to the monitors. After being there for three hours (we left at midnight), I wasn’t dilating anymore so they sent me home and told me to rest, that it would be in a day or two. I didn’t get any sleep that night, I tossed and turned and was in constant pain. I felt lots of pressure, went to the bathroom, held a mirror down there and could see my daughter’s head. I told my mother-in-law, she woke up her husband, we were all just in a panic and screaming at each other, the paramedics were called but she was born in front of the bathroom before they got there. I don’t remember a lot but I was told I bit my father-in-law’s shoulder.”

–Shea Posey, Facebook

View this image ›

27. “So I’m just hanging out on my hospital bed, legs wide open…”

“I had been pushing for about 15 minutes and my daughter was crowning, but apparently I was a little too numb because I was having a hard time pushing her past that point, so my doctor told me we were going to take a break and she’d be back in about five or 10 minutes. So I’m just hanging out in my hospital bed, legs wide open with my daughter’s head poking out, when, after 30 MINUTES, my doctor finally came back.”

–Carmen Breckenridge, Facebook

28. “Well, it happened.”

“I had my mom, my boyfriend, and two support people in the room, as well as my nurse, who was telling me to push (really to practice for when she was coming in the next few minutes). I was refusing since I had everyone in the room because I felt I was going to poop. I was screaming, ‘I can’t push, I can feel it. I’m gonna poop. I don’t want anyone to see that,’ and the nurse was assuring me I wasn’t, and everyone was trying to convince me to push because it’s OK. Well, it happened. Nobody said anything. But the nurse came and wiped me and all I said was ‘See, I told you so…'”

–Bethany Danielle Cooke, Facebook

View this image ›

Morgan Shanahan // BuzzFeed

29. “Nope, that was you.”

“I heard someone rip a big one… I looked over at my sister and asked, ‘Was that you?!’ She just laughed and said…’Nope, that was you.’ Everyone was cracking up, especially me since I was so doped up.”

–Mariah Irvin, Facebook

30. “The bed did a sort of ‘Tokyo drift’ into the delivery room…”

“Partway through my labor, I felt a sudden, much worse pain than I had ever felt before. I hit the nurse-call button shrieking for help. A second nurse came in as the first one lifted the sheet to check…and they both exclaimed: ‘STOP PUSHING!!’

They started wheeling me out of the room. They kept shouting: ‘STOP PUSHING!’ and I kept shouting back: ‘I’M NOT PUSHING!’

We slammed through the double doors of the delivery room and the bed sorta did a ‘Tokyo drift’ to a stop in the middle of the room. The momentum caused me to drop from my side onto my back and as soon as my back landed on the bed, the baby popped out (and the pain went away). The nurse standing at the foot of my bed was pulling on gloves, and she snapped the last glove on and exclaimed: ‘Tell the doctor he can take his time now.'”

–Patty Smith, Facebook

31. “He just kept pointing at the baby and shouting how cool it was.”

“Giving birth to my second baby, as he was coming out he stuck one arm out and grabbed the head doctor’s scrubs and pulled. The young intern was so excited he just kept pointing at the baby and shouting how cool it was. Even my seasoned doctor seemed amazed. All I could think of is the baby must want out as bad as I want him to be.”

–Cherish Fritts Newman, Facebook

32. “GET IT OUT!”

“When the doctor finally arrived in the delivery room mid-pushing, he checks me and tells me to reach between my legs and grab her head. By that point, though, I was so ready for it to be over, I just screamed at him. ‘Get it out!'”

–Cassi Osborn, Facebook

View this image ›

33. “It looked just like Heath Ledger’s fucked-up smile as the Joker.”

“I made the mistake of looking at my vagina in a mirror out of curiosity after being stitched up — it looked just like Heath Ledger’s fucked-up smile as the Joker.”

–Erin Day, Facebook

34. “Never touch the placenta.”

“After my son was finally out, in my epidural-high state, I asked to touch the placenta…and they let me. Ladies. Never touch the placenta.”

–Kirsten Strider, Facebook

35. “He’s still attached!”

“The nurse was so worried about getting my newborn son cleaned up and checking him that she tried taking him before they cut the cord. It hurt. I yelled, ‘He’s still attached!’ and she set him down real quick. I almost punched that lady.”

–Rashelle Koier, Facebook

36. “I have never seen no shit like that in my life.”

My grandmother was present at the delivery. After the final push as my daughter was born, I looked over to my grandmother to see if she was crying… She wasn’t.

She was standing in the corner, horrified at what she just witnessed. After the chaos died down I asked my her why she was so horrified, having given birth herself. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, ‘I have never seen no shit like that in my life. Don’t call me till after the baby’s born on the next one, OK Mija?’“

–Janay Danica Alexandra Guevara, Facebook

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

37. “Sorry doc, you missed the whole show.”

“While sleeping in the hospital, I woke up with a start, screaming at my husband that baby was coming. By the time the nurse finally got in to the room and checked me, my daughter was already crowning. The nurse grabs the nearest on call doctor who barely made into the room, literally at the last second to grab the baby.

Five minutes later my OBGYN walks in, and goes “ok, are we ready to have a baby?” Sorry doc, you missed the whole show.”

– Vanessa Schira, Facebook

38. “My husband and I made an agreement that he would not look down there…”

“Before my son was born, my husband and I made an agreement that he would not look down there… Well, after he was out and they were going about the after-business, I came to enough to see him making a weird face. I asked him if he looked, he nodded yes and said he saw the placenta. He then whispered that it looked like a meat toupee.”

–Sandra Walker, Facebook

39. “If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.”

My husband and I was just waiting for me to go No. 2 so we could be discharged when I had already been in there two days. I wanted to do the suppository because the nurse said it was faster. I felt the poor nurses had seen enough of everything so I offered to do it myself. The nurse left and here I am in the bathroom trying and failing miserably. Instead of calling the nurse back in, I had my husband do it. He was mortified but a champ (while wearing gloves lol). After everything was said and done he looked at me and said, ‘If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.'”

–Kara Kieffer, Facebook

View this image ›

40. My teeth!

“While in labor with my sister, my mom remembers her mom arriving and screaming with excitement. Her teeth flew out under the hospital bed, and she couldn’t get them until after the birth!”

–Angel Morrison, Facebook

41. “Oh my god, I birthed an alien!”

“I felt what I thought was a No. 2 slip out just as I got into the birthing pool. I said to my husband, ‘Oh my god, I pooped in the pool!!’ Just then, a big bubble floated to the surface and I said, ‘Oh my god, I birthed an alien!’ The midwife grabbed the ‘bubble’ and tore it open. My son was born inside of his amniotic sack.”

–Laura Downie, Facebook

42. “Hell no, I want to check my hair.”

“In the delivery room they had a giant mirror on wheels so if you wanted, you could watch the delivery. I asked my nurse to wheel it over to me and she said, ‘Aw, you want to watch the delivery??’

“‘Hell no, I want to check my hair.'”

–Sarah Fouquet, Facebook

43. “He SHOWED my poop to my husband…”

“I pooped and the doctor lifted up a blue tarp with my poo on it and showed it to my husband saying, ‘This is why I put that there.’ Yep. He SHOWED my poop to my husband while I was trying to bring our child into the world.”

–Kristin Tutt, Facebook

44. “It looked like a crime scene in there.”

“While I was in the final stages of labor (i.e., pushing) a nurse stepped on my IV cord and dislodged it. We had no idea, so with every push more and more blood sprayed out of the unattached cord. Nobody noticed blood spraying everywhere. When the doctor came in for the last few pushes she remarked that it looked like a crime scene in there. There was a pool of blood on the floor and the nurse was splattered with it.”

–Tracey Citron, Facebook

45. “He was crowning!”

“Craziest moment from labor? When I was told to stop pushing. My son was crowning and they said to stop because the doctor wasn’t there yet. The nurse didn’t want to deliver him on her own. Stop pushing??? HE WAS CROWNING!”

–Alycia M. Smith, Facebook

View this image ›

Morgan Shanahan // BuzzFeed

46. “He was tasked with scooping my poop nuggets out of the birthing pool with a fishing net.”

“I had a planned home-water birth, and when I was pushing I guess little bits of poop were coming out. What I didn’t learn until later was that every time one would float to the surface my incredibly dedicated husband was tasked with fishing my poop nuggets out of the water with one of those green aquarium nets.”

–Jana Silver, Facebook

47. GOAL!

“When my mom delivered my older sister, she was in Nigeria during the World Cup and the doctor made her wait till the match was over.”

–John Alex Nieboer, Facebook

48. Word to the wise…

“Words of wisdom: DO NOT EAT SPINACH DIP PRIOR TO LABOR.”

–Marla Czechowski, Facebook

49. “He put the placenta under his foot and stretched it up to his head.”

“After the exciting part was said and done, the doctor motioned for my boyfriend to join him and the foot of my bed. He said, ‘Watch this!’ and put the placenta under his foot and stretched it all the way up to his head. Boys….”

–Liz Boeche, Facebook

Want great parenting tips in your inbox twice a week? Sign up for the BuzzFeed Parents newsletter!

View this embed ›

If you want to be featured in similar BuzzFeed posts, follow the BuzzFeed Community on Facebook and Twitter.

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/morganshanahan/birth-is-freaking-hard

[kidsviral-blog]

49 Real Life Labor And Delivery Stories...If You Can Handle Them

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/49-real-life-labor-and-delivery-stories-if-you-can-handle-them/

49 Real Life Labor And Delivery Stories...If You Can Handle Them

Childbirth is no walk in the park. Unless you happen to be walking in the park when it happens.

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

The BuzzFeed Community asked readers to share their craziest memories from labor and delivery with us, and holy wow did they come through. If you’ve never given birth, proceed with caution. No, seriously.

1. “He delivered our baby on our bathroom floor.”

“As we were getting ready to leave for the hospital, I thought I was going to poop the turd of the century. I ran to the bathroom. My boyfriend was screaming, ‘What are you doing?! We have to go!’ And I yelled back, ‘I can’t stop it! I think I have to poop but this just doesn’t feel right!’

My eyes widened and I yelled ‘THIS BABY IS COMING NOW.’ My poor boyfriend delivered our baby boy on our bathroom floor at 4:50 a.m. So, to my precious, perfect babe, yes. I thought you were a giant, monstrous shit, not a 7 pound, 14 ounce squishy ball of cute.”

–Chantel Guidera, Facebook

View this image ›

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

2. “Her water broke in the middle of a Burger King…”

“When my mom was pregnant with me her water broke in the middle of a Burger King, so she threw down her cup of soda to hide the evidence.”

–Catie LaGrasta, Facebook

3. “I taught him in med school.”

“I was in mid-labor when a shift change occurred and the OB on call asked if I minded some interns coming through. Not at all, until one of the interns looks up, mid-examination, and asks me whether I taught neuroanatomy at a local medical school. Yeppers. I had taught him in med school. All I could think to ask was whether he had passed my class as I sure as heck wasn’t in much of a position to remember him!”

–Jen Kulak, Facebook

View this image ›

4. “I’ll never understand how he moved that fast.”

“My husband was front and center of the action, and on my second push my water broke violently in a huge, forceful gush. Being a paramedic, my husband is really, really good at dodging bodily fluids. Immediately after my water broke, I heard him say, ‘What the hell was that?’ from the opposite end of the bed from where he had just been. Not a drop on him; I’ll never understand how he moved that fast.”

–Brittaney Gilmore, Facebook

5. “Whoa! Somebody pooped in the pool!”

“My baby had a BM [bowel movement] in utero, so the first thing I heard when the doctor opened me up for the C-section was, ‘Whoa! Somebody pooped in the pool!'”

–Rosanna Bigford, Facebook

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

6. “It was a legendary story for the nurses there.”

“When my mom was in labor with my sister, her water broke and all of it splashed onto the wall, almost hitting the doctor.

A couple of years later my mom was in labor with my little brother and her water exploded in the waiting room all over the floor. She was horrified. The nurse tried to comfort her. ‘Don’t worry,’ she told her, ‘there was one woman whose fluids ended up all over the wall.’

‘Yeah,’ my mom said, ‘that was me.’ Apparently she was a legendary story for the nurses there.”

–Rachel Elizabeth Mabey, Facebook

7. “I was peeing all over myself.”

“I had gotten my epidural, and during one of the hourly checks, my nurse was discharging my bladder. I really have no idea how she did it, but it involved some sort of tube into my bladder and into one of those pink tubs. Well, she did the tube thing, was looking at my stats, and I felt something move between my legs. Basically the pee tube had popped out of the tub, and I was just peeing all over myself. Honestly, I wasn’t really that embarrassed. I mean, the woman had already had her hand up my vag how many times at this point?”

–Tiffany Adams, Facebook

8. “I had two choices: Wipe my face, or be a good sister.”

“My sister was in delivery and I was holding one leg as she was pushing. She had an epidural so she couldn’t feel a thing. As my niece’s head popped out, I got splattered in the face with juices. Decision time. Drop her leg and wipe my face or be a good sister and keep holding up that leg as the rest of the baby came out. I was a good sister. Have never washed my face so well in my life!”

–Meghan McGovern, Facebook

View this image ›

9. “You are scaring the moms in the other rooms.”

“I screamed bloody murder during my contractions. The nurse walked in and told me in the nicest voice, ‘You are scaring all the moms in the other rooms who aren’t as far along as you are.’ I didn’t care. I screamed until I got my shot.”

–Lorin Armstrong, Facebook

10. “Fuck! He knows I’ve got kids!”

“I was pretty loopy on gas while they were putting the epidural in for my emergency C-section. All I remember thinking was how gorgeous my anesthetist was, and that ‘fuck, he knows I’ve got kids!'”

–Sarah Kerby, Facebook

11. “Everything tasted blue.”

“I got really drunk on gas and air with my second daughter and said that I could smell melted vanilla ice cream and that everything tasted blue.”

–Maggie Moo Spiller, Facebook

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

12. “Shut the hell up and stop being so supportive!”

“After about 30 hours in I yelled at my mother to ‘shut the hell up and stop being so supportive!'”

– Whitney Roy, Facebook

13. “My vagina feels drunk.”

“After trying to ‘breathe through the contractions’ for a few hours, I asked for an epidural. They gave it to me and it felt so good once it kicked in, I started to feel loopy because I was pain-free after so much pain. The anesthesiologist came in to check on me and asked me how I was doing. I looked at him and said ‘My vagina feels drunk’… He tried to keep a straight face and act professional but had to turn around because he was laughing so hard.”

–Erin Ann Johnson, Facebook

14. “My wife is high as a kite.”

“I kept asking my husband to call Colton so I could tell her I loved her and missed her. The nurse was so sweet — she asked me if I knew Colton’s phone number and I started to cry. She said she would lend me her phone so I could call her. As she pulls out her phone my husband comes in and asked what we were doing. She tells him we’re gonna call Colton ‘cause I obviously need her. He goes, ‘Colton is our dog. My wife is high as a kite.’ To which I started to cry again and asked him to bring her.”

–Nancy Jaimes-Soto, Facebook

15. “I sold a garage door during my C-section.”

“I was so doped up during my C-section that I spent the whole time slurring a sales speech to the anesthesiologist for a garage door and opener. LOL… He bought one a few weeks later though!”

–Angelica Halls, Facebook

View this image ›

16. “It’s a disaster down there.”

“Right after my daughter was born and they were sewing up my degree tear, my husband says: ‘Whatever you do, don’t look in the mirror. It’s a disaster down there.'”

–Karen Halker Miller, Facebook

17. “You can kiss her first if it makes you more comfortable.”

“We had a very sweet female nurse in training come in with another nurse. The experienced nurse checked for dilation and took note on it and told the student to take a try. It was very apparent she had never had her fingers in another female before and she looked terrified. My husband, who is NEVER serious and always tries to make others uncomfortable, says ‘You can kiss her first if it make you more comfortable’… *mortified*. She did NOT think it was funny…”

–Lauren Ashley Walton-McGee, Facebook

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

18. “We maintained the most uncomfortable eye contact.”

“There I am, post-epidural, and the nurse comes to see if my water has broken. ‘I think so’ I say, not really knowing what I was supposed to be looking for. So she slides her gloved hand up in my business, and with the slightest of pokes proceeds to break my water. Unfortunately, the shock was such that I immediately contracted and trapped her hand in my vag. We maintained the most uncomfortable eye contact as her glove filled with fluid.”

–Madeleine Kaizer, Facebook

19. “GET THE FUCK OUT OF ME.”

“So my doctor is an older guy and when he came in to break my water he says very professionally, ‘This won’t hurt at all, but you will feel a lot of pressure.’ So I sit back and prop up. He pulls out a massive torture device that looks like something from American Horror Story. He places it in me and I immediately arch my back and try to kick him away while screaming, ‘GET THE FUCK OUT OF ME.’ He looked down ashamed and quietly laughed, ‘That’s the first time a woman has told me that.’ My husband beamed at my doctor with the potential friendship he saw blossoming.”

–Celeste Pitre, Facebook

20. “Wow, you need to wax.”

“When they put my legs up to start pushing my husband looked at my vag and said, ‘Wow. You need to wax.’ I’m not sure I have forgiven him yet.”

–Heather Drew, Facebook

21. “Are you flossing my vagina?”

“When my beautiful 10 pound 3 ounce baby girl was born my world changed, I was instantly in love. I was looking at her when my doctor started stitching me up. Now, I’ve never had stitches before so the sensation was new (and in my effing vagina, no less) so without thinking I just looked at my doctor and asked, ‘are you flossing my vagina?'”

– jacquelines4a31a66f9, BuzzFeed.com

View this image ›

22. “I can’t do this!”

“I think my most glorious moment was when I grabbed my husband during transition and told him 100% seriously, ‘OK, this next contraction YOU have to push because I can’t do this.'”

–Amy Mansell, Facebook

23. “At least you didn’t head-butt me like the girl yesterday.”

“Once I hit a six I wanted my epidural, but the anesthesiologist took two hours to go from downstairs to the second floor. During that time I got ANGRY and yelled at my nurse. Once the epidural finally arrived and I’d calmed down, I told her I was so sorry that I yelled and I didn’t mean it. She said, ‘We are used to it. Don’t sweat it. At least you didn’t head-butt me like the girl yesterday.'”

–Callie Anne Crabtree, Facebook

24. “I suddenly started laughing and couldn’t stop.”

“With my third kiddo, I was well into active labor and overly exhausted (as lots of moms get to be at that point), when I suddenly started laughing…and I couldn’t stop. For 20–30 minutes. No joke. The nurses were both freaked out and laughing, too, as was my hubby. Needless to say, I was well known on that maternity ward for being the first mom to laugh uncontrollably during labor. *Note: If you end up in a similar situation, laughing through powerful, unmedicated contractions hurts like hell, but it makes the experience much more memorable. :)”

–Erin Wolf, Facebook

25. The Ultimate Potter Fan

“I was watching a Harry Potter marathon when the nurse checked to see how far dilated I was. I was 9 ¾. I was so ecstatic!!”

–Sarah Pike, Facebook

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

26. “I was told I bit my father-in-law’s shoulder.”

“I was three days overdue, felt some consistent contractions, went to the hospital, and was hooked up to the monitors. After being there for three hours (we left at midnight), I wasn’t dilating anymore so they sent me home and told me to rest, that it would be in a day or two. I didn’t get any sleep that night, I tossed and turned and was in constant pain. I felt lots of pressure, went to the bathroom, held a mirror down there and could see my daughter’s head. I told my mother-in-law, she woke up her husband, we were all just in a panic and screaming at each other, the paramedics were called but she was born in front of the bathroom before they got there. I don’t remember a lot but I was told I bit my father-in-law’s shoulder.”

–Shea Posey, Facebook

View this image ›

27. “So I’m just hanging out on my hospital bed, legs wide open…”

“I had been pushing for about 15 minutes and my daughter was crowning, but apparently I was a little too numb because I was having a hard time pushing her past that point, so my doctor told me we were going to take a break and she’d be back in about five or 10 minutes. So I’m just hanging out in my hospital bed, legs wide open with my daughter’s head poking out, when, after 30 MINUTES, my doctor finally came back.”

–Carmen Breckenridge, Facebook

28. “Well, it happened.”

“I had my mom, my boyfriend, and two support people in the room, as well as my nurse, who was telling me to push (really to practice for when she was coming in the next few minutes). I was refusing since I had everyone in the room because I felt I was going to poop. I was screaming, ‘I can’t push, I can feel it. I’m gonna poop. I don’t want anyone to see that,’ and the nurse was assuring me I wasn’t, and everyone was trying to convince me to push because it’s OK. Well, it happened. Nobody said anything. But the nurse came and wiped me and all I said was ‘See, I told you so…'”

–Bethany Danielle Cooke, Facebook

View this image ›

Morgan Shanahan // BuzzFeed

29. “Nope, that was you.”

“I heard someone rip a big one… I looked over at my sister and asked, ‘Was that you?!’ She just laughed and said…’Nope, that was you.’ Everyone was cracking up, especially me since I was so doped up.”

–Mariah Irvin, Facebook

30. “The bed did a sort of ‘Tokyo drift’ into the delivery room…”

“Partway through my labor, I felt a sudden, much worse pain than I had ever felt before. I hit the nurse-call button shrieking for help. A second nurse came in as the first one lifted the sheet to check…and they both exclaimed: ‘STOP PUSHING!!’

They started wheeling me out of the room. They kept shouting: ‘STOP PUSHING!’ and I kept shouting back: ‘I’M NOT PUSHING!’

We slammed through the double doors of the delivery room and the bed sorta did a ‘Tokyo drift’ to a stop in the middle of the room. The momentum caused me to drop from my side onto my back and as soon as my back landed on the bed, the baby popped out (and the pain went away). The nurse standing at the foot of my bed was pulling on gloves, and she snapped the last glove on and exclaimed: ‘Tell the doctor he can take his time now.'”

–Patty Smith, Facebook

31. “He just kept pointing at the baby and shouting how cool it was.”

“Giving birth to my second baby, as he was coming out he stuck one arm out and grabbed the head doctor’s scrubs and pulled. The young intern was so excited he just kept pointing at the baby and shouting how cool it was. Even my seasoned doctor seemed amazed. All I could think of is the baby must want out as bad as I want him to be.”

–Cherish Fritts Newman, Facebook

32. “GET IT OUT!”

“When the doctor finally arrived in the delivery room mid-pushing, he checks me and tells me to reach between my legs and grab her head. By that point, though, I was so ready for it to be over, I just screamed at him. ‘Get it out!'”

–Cassi Osborn, Facebook

View this image ›

33. “It looked just like Heath Ledger’s fucked-up smile as the Joker.”

“I made the mistake of looking at my vagina in a mirror out of curiosity after being stitched up — it looked just like Heath Ledger’s fucked-up smile as the Joker.”

–Erin Day, Facebook

34. “Never touch the placenta.”

“After my son was finally out, in my epidural-high state, I asked to touch the placenta…and they let me. Ladies. Never touch the placenta.”

–Kirsten Strider, Facebook

35. “He’s still attached!”

“The nurse was so worried about getting my newborn son cleaned up and checking him that she tried taking him before they cut the cord. It hurt. I yelled, ‘He’s still attached!’ and she set him down real quick. I almost punched that lady.”

–Rashelle Koier, Facebook

36. “I have never seen no shit like that in my life.”

My grandmother was present at the delivery. After the final push as my daughter was born, I looked over to my grandmother to see if she was crying… She wasn’t.

She was standing in the corner, horrified at what she just witnessed. After the chaos died down I asked my her why she was so horrified, having given birth herself. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, ‘I have never seen no shit like that in my life. Don’t call me till after the baby’s born on the next one, OK Mija?’“

–Janay Danica Alexandra Guevara, Facebook

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

37. “Sorry doc, you missed the whole show.”

“While sleeping in the hospital, I woke up with a start, screaming at my husband that baby was coming. By the time the nurse finally got in to the room and checked me, my daughter was already crowning. The nurse grabs the nearest on call doctor who barely made into the room, literally at the last second to grab the baby.

Five minutes later my OBGYN walks in, and goes “ok, are we ready to have a baby?” Sorry doc, you missed the whole show.”

– Vanessa Schira, Facebook

38. “My husband and I made an agreement that he would not look down there…”

“Before my son was born, my husband and I made an agreement that he would not look down there… Well, after he was out and they were going about the after-business, I came to enough to see him making a weird face. I asked him if he looked, he nodded yes and said he saw the placenta. He then whispered that it looked like a meat toupee.”

–Sandra Walker, Facebook

39. “If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.”

My husband and I was just waiting for me to go No. 2 so we could be discharged when I had already been in there two days. I wanted to do the suppository because the nurse said it was faster. I felt the poor nurses had seen enough of everything so I offered to do it myself. The nurse left and here I am in the bathroom trying and failing miserably. Instead of calling the nurse back in, I had my husband do it. He was mortified but a champ (while wearing gloves lol). After everything was said and done he looked at me and said, ‘If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.'”

–Kara Kieffer, Facebook

View this image ›

40. My teeth!

“While in labor with my sister, my mom remembers her mom arriving and screaming with excitement. Her teeth flew out under the hospital bed, and she couldn’t get them until after the birth!”

–Angel Morrison, Facebook

41. “Oh my god, I birthed an alien!”

“I felt what I thought was a No. 2 slip out just as I got into the birthing pool. I said to my husband, ‘Oh my god, I pooped in the pool!!’ Just then, a big bubble floated to the surface and I said, ‘Oh my god, I birthed an alien!’ The midwife grabbed the ‘bubble’ and tore it open. My son was born inside of his amniotic sack.”

–Laura Downie, Facebook

42. “Hell no, I want to check my hair.”

“In the delivery room they had a giant mirror on wheels so if you wanted, you could watch the delivery. I asked my nurse to wheel it over to me and she said, ‘Aw, you want to watch the delivery??’

“‘Hell no, I want to check my hair.'”

–Sarah Fouquet, Facebook

43. “He SHOWED my poop to my husband…”

“I pooped and the doctor lifted up a blue tarp with my poo on it and showed it to my husband saying, ‘This is why I put that there.’ Yep. He SHOWED my poop to my husband while I was trying to bring our child into the world.”

–Kristin Tutt, Facebook

44. “It looked like a crime scene in there.”

“While I was in the final stages of labor (i.e., pushing) a nurse stepped on my IV cord and dislodged it. We had no idea, so with every push more and more blood sprayed out of the unattached cord. Nobody noticed blood spraying everywhere. When the doctor came in for the last few pushes she remarked that it looked like a crime scene in there. There was a pool of blood on the floor and the nurse was splattered with it.”

–Tracey Citron, Facebook

45. “He was crowning!”

“Craziest moment from labor? When I was told to stop pushing. My son was crowning and they said to stop because the doctor wasn’t there yet. The nurse didn’t want to deliver him on her own. Stop pushing??? HE WAS CROWNING!”

–Alycia M. Smith, Facebook

View this image ›

Morgan Shanahan // BuzzFeed

46. “He was tasked with scooping my poop nuggets out of the birthing pool with a fishing net.”

“I had a planned home-water birth, and when I was pushing I guess little bits of poop were coming out. What I didn’t learn until later was that every time one would float to the surface my incredibly dedicated husband was tasked with fishing my poop nuggets out of the water with one of those green aquarium nets.”

–Jana Silver, Facebook

47. GOAL!

“When my mom delivered my older sister, she was in Nigeria during the World Cup and the doctor made her wait till the match was over.”

–John Alex Nieboer, Facebook

48. Word to the wise…

“Words of wisdom: DO NOT EAT SPINACH DIP PRIOR TO LABOR.”

–Marla Czechowski, Facebook

49. “He put the placenta under his foot and stretched it up to his head.”

“After the exciting part was said and done, the doctor motioned for my boyfriend to join him and the foot of my bed. He said, ‘Watch this!’ and put the placenta under his foot and stretched it all the way up to his head. Boys….”

–Liz Boeche, Facebook

Want great parenting tips in your inbox twice a week? Sign up for the BuzzFeed Parents newsletter!

View this embed ›

If you want to be featured in similar BuzzFeed posts, follow the BuzzFeed Community on Facebook and Twitter.

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/morganshanahan/birth-is-freaking-hard

[kidsviral-blog]

49 Real Life Labor And Delivery Stories...If You Can Handle Them

New Post has been published on https://kidsviral.info/49-real-life-labor-and-delivery-stories-if-you-can-handle-them/

49 Real Life Labor And Delivery Stories...If You Can Handle Them

Childbirth is no walk in the park. Unless you happen to be walking in the park when it happens.

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

The BuzzFeed Community asked readers to share their craziest memories from labor and delivery with us, and holy wow did they come through. If you’ve never given birth, proceed with caution. No, seriously.

1. “He delivered our baby on our bathroom floor.”

“As we were getting ready to leave for the hospital, I thought I was going to poop the turd of the century. I ran to the bathroom. My boyfriend was screaming, ‘What are you doing?! We have to go!’ And I yelled back, ‘I can’t stop it! I think I have to poop but this just doesn’t feel right!’

My eyes widened and I yelled ‘THIS BABY IS COMING NOW.’ My poor boyfriend delivered our baby boy on our bathroom floor at 4:50 a.m. So, to my precious, perfect babe, yes. I thought you were a giant, monstrous shit, not a 7 pound, 14 ounce squishy ball of cute.”

–Chantel Guidera, Facebook

View this image ›

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

2. “Her water broke in the middle of a Burger King…”

“When my mom was pregnant with me her water broke in the middle of a Burger King, so she threw down her cup of soda to hide the evidence.”

–Catie LaGrasta, Facebook

3. “I taught him in med school.”

“I was in mid-labor when a shift change occurred and the OB on call asked if I minded some interns coming through. Not at all, until one of the interns looks up, mid-examination, and asks me whether I taught neuroanatomy at a local medical school. Yeppers. I had taught him in med school. All I could think to ask was whether he had passed my class as I sure as heck wasn’t in much of a position to remember him!”

–Jen Kulak, Facebook

View this image ›

4. “I’ll never understand how he moved that fast.”

“My husband was front and center of the action, and on my second push my water broke violently in a huge, forceful gush. Being a paramedic, my husband is really, really good at dodging bodily fluids. Immediately after my water broke, I heard him say, ‘What the hell was that?’ from the opposite end of the bed from where he had just been. Not a drop on him; I’ll never understand how he moved that fast.”

–Brittaney Gilmore, Facebook

5. “Whoa! Somebody pooped in the pool!”

“My baby had a BM [bowel movement] in utero, so the first thing I heard when the doctor opened me up for the C-section was, ‘Whoa! Somebody pooped in the pool!'”

–Rosanna Bigford, Facebook

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

6. “It was a legendary story for the nurses there.”

“When my mom was in labor with my sister, her water broke and all of it splashed onto the wall, almost hitting the doctor.

A couple of years later my mom was in labor with my little brother and her water exploded in the waiting room all over the floor. She was horrified. The nurse tried to comfort her. ‘Don’t worry,’ she told her, ‘there was one woman whose fluids ended up all over the wall.’

‘Yeah,’ my mom said, ‘that was me.’ Apparently she was a legendary story for the nurses there.”

–Rachel Elizabeth Mabey, Facebook

7. “I was peeing all over myself.”

“I had gotten my epidural, and during one of the hourly checks, my nurse was discharging my bladder. I really have no idea how she did it, but it involved some sort of tube into my bladder and into one of those pink tubs. Well, she did the tube thing, was looking at my stats, and I felt something move between my legs. Basically the pee tube had popped out of the tub, and I was just peeing all over myself. Honestly, I wasn’t really that embarrassed. I mean, the woman had already had her hand up my vag how many times at this point?”

–Tiffany Adams, Facebook

8. “I had two choices: Wipe my face, or be a good sister.”

“My sister was in delivery and I was holding one leg as she was pushing. She had an epidural so she couldn’t feel a thing. As my niece’s head popped out, I got splattered in the face with juices. Decision time. Drop her leg and wipe my face or be a good sister and keep holding up that leg as the rest of the baby came out. I was a good sister. Have never washed my face so well in my life!”

–Meghan McGovern, Facebook

View this image ›

9. “You are scaring the moms in the other rooms.”

“I screamed bloody murder during my contractions. The nurse walked in and told me in the nicest voice, ‘You are scaring all the moms in the other rooms who aren’t as far along as you are.’ I didn’t care. I screamed until I got my shot.”

–Lorin Armstrong, Facebook

10. “Fuck! He knows I’ve got kids!”

“I was pretty loopy on gas while they were putting the epidural in for my emergency C-section. All I remember thinking was how gorgeous my anesthetist was, and that ‘fuck, he knows I’ve got kids!'”

–Sarah Kerby, Facebook

11. “Everything tasted blue.”

“I got really drunk on gas and air with my second daughter and said that I could smell melted vanilla ice cream and that everything tasted blue.”

–Maggie Moo Spiller, Facebook

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

12. “Shut the hell up and stop being so supportive!”

“After about 30 hours in I yelled at my mother to ‘shut the hell up and stop being so supportive!'”

– Whitney Roy, Facebook

13. “My vagina feels drunk.”

“After trying to ‘breathe through the contractions’ for a few hours, I asked for an epidural. They gave it to me and it felt so good once it kicked in, I started to feel loopy because I was pain-free after so much pain. The anesthesiologist came in to check on me and asked me how I was doing. I looked at him and said ‘My vagina feels drunk’… He tried to keep a straight face and act professional but had to turn around because he was laughing so hard.”

–Erin Ann Johnson, Facebook

14. “My wife is high as a kite.”

“I kept asking my husband to call Colton so I could tell her I loved her and missed her. The nurse was so sweet — she asked me if I knew Colton’s phone number and I started to cry. She said she would lend me her phone so I could call her. As she pulls out her phone my husband comes in and asked what we were doing. She tells him we’re gonna call Colton ‘cause I obviously need her. He goes, ‘Colton is our dog. My wife is high as a kite.’ To which I started to cry again and asked him to bring her.”

–Nancy Jaimes-Soto, Facebook

15. “I sold a garage door during my C-section.”

“I was so doped up during my C-section that I spent the whole time slurring a sales speech to the anesthesiologist for a garage door and opener. LOL… He bought one a few weeks later though!”

–Angelica Halls, Facebook

View this image ›

16. “It’s a disaster down there.”

“Right after my daughter was born and they were sewing up my degree tear, my husband says: ‘Whatever you do, don’t look in the mirror. It’s a disaster down there.'”

–Karen Halker Miller, Facebook

17. “You can kiss her first if it makes you more comfortable.”

“We had a very sweet female nurse in training come in with another nurse. The experienced nurse checked for dilation and took note on it and told the student to take a try. It was very apparent she had never had her fingers in another female before and she looked terrified. My husband, who is NEVER serious and always tries to make others uncomfortable, says ‘You can kiss her first if it make you more comfortable’… *mortified*. She did NOT think it was funny…”

–Lauren Ashley Walton-McGee, Facebook

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

18. “We maintained the most uncomfortable eye contact.”

“There I am, post-epidural, and the nurse comes to see if my water has broken. ‘I think so’ I say, not really knowing what I was supposed to be looking for. So she slides her gloved hand up in my business, and with the slightest of pokes proceeds to break my water. Unfortunately, the shock was such that I immediately contracted and trapped her hand in my vag. We maintained the most uncomfortable eye contact as her glove filled with fluid.”

–Madeleine Kaizer, Facebook

19. “GET THE FUCK OUT OF ME.”

“So my doctor is an older guy and when he came in to break my water he says very professionally, ‘This won’t hurt at all, but you will feel a lot of pressure.’ So I sit back and prop up. He pulls out a massive torture device that looks like something from American Horror Story. He places it in me and I immediately arch my back and try to kick him away while screaming, ‘GET THE FUCK OUT OF ME.’ He looked down ashamed and quietly laughed, ‘That’s the first time a woman has told me that.’ My husband beamed at my doctor with the potential friendship he saw blossoming.”

–Celeste Pitre, Facebook

20. “Wow, you need to wax.”

“When they put my legs up to start pushing my husband looked at my vag and said, ‘Wow. You need to wax.’ I’m not sure I have forgiven him yet.”

–Heather Drew, Facebook

21. “Are you flossing my vagina?”

“When my beautiful 10 pound 3 ounce baby girl was born my world changed, I was instantly in love. I was looking at her when my doctor started stitching me up. Now, I’ve never had stitches before so the sensation was new (and in my effing vagina, no less) so without thinking I just looked at my doctor and asked, ‘are you flossing my vagina?'”

– jacquelines4a31a66f9, BuzzFeed.com

View this image ›

22. “I can’t do this!”

“I think my most glorious moment was when I grabbed my husband during transition and told him 100% seriously, ‘OK, this next contraction YOU have to push because I can’t do this.'”

–Amy Mansell, Facebook

23. “At least you didn’t head-butt me like the girl yesterday.”

“Once I hit a six I wanted my epidural, but the anesthesiologist took two hours to go from downstairs to the second floor. During that time I got ANGRY and yelled at my nurse. Once the epidural finally arrived and I’d calmed down, I told her I was so sorry that I yelled and I didn’t mean it. She said, ‘We are used to it. Don’t sweat it. At least you didn’t head-butt me like the girl yesterday.'”

–Callie Anne Crabtree, Facebook

24. “I suddenly started laughing and couldn’t stop.”

“With my third kiddo, I was well into active labor and overly exhausted (as lots of moms get to be at that point), when I suddenly started laughing…and I couldn’t stop. For 20–30 minutes. No joke. The nurses were both freaked out and laughing, too, as was my hubby. Needless to say, I was well known on that maternity ward for being the first mom to laugh uncontrollably during labor. *Note: If you end up in a similar situation, laughing through powerful, unmedicated contractions hurts like hell, but it makes the experience much more memorable. :)”

–Erin Wolf, Facebook

25. The Ultimate Potter Fan

“I was watching a Harry Potter marathon when the nurse checked to see how far dilated I was. I was 9 ¾. I was so ecstatic!!”

–Sarah Pike, Facebook

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

26. “I was told I bit my father-in-law’s shoulder.”

“I was three days overdue, felt some consistent contractions, went to the hospital, and was hooked up to the monitors. After being there for three hours (we left at midnight), I wasn’t dilating anymore so they sent me home and told me to rest, that it would be in a day or two. I didn’t get any sleep that night, I tossed and turned and was in constant pain. I felt lots of pressure, went to the bathroom, held a mirror down there and could see my daughter’s head. I told my mother-in-law, she woke up her husband, we were all just in a panic and screaming at each other, the paramedics were called but she was born in front of the bathroom before they got there. I don’t remember a lot but I was told I bit my father-in-law’s shoulder.”

–Shea Posey, Facebook

View this image ›

27. “So I’m just hanging out on my hospital bed, legs wide open…”

“I had been pushing for about 15 minutes and my daughter was crowning, but apparently I was a little too numb because I was having a hard time pushing her past that point, so my doctor told me we were going to take a break and she’d be back in about five or 10 minutes. So I’m just hanging out in my hospital bed, legs wide open with my daughter’s head poking out, when, after 30 MINUTES, my doctor finally came back.”

–Carmen Breckenridge, Facebook

28. “Well, it happened.”

“I had my mom, my boyfriend, and two support people in the room, as well as my nurse, who was telling me to push (really to practice for when she was coming in the next few minutes). I was refusing since I had everyone in the room because I felt I was going to poop. I was screaming, ‘I can’t push, I can feel it. I’m gonna poop. I don’t want anyone to see that,’ and the nurse was assuring me I wasn’t, and everyone was trying to convince me to push because it’s OK. Well, it happened. Nobody said anything. But the nurse came and wiped me and all I said was ‘See, I told you so…'”

–Bethany Danielle Cooke, Facebook

View this image ›

Morgan Shanahan // BuzzFeed

29. “Nope, that was you.”

“I heard someone rip a big one… I looked over at my sister and asked, ‘Was that you?!’ She just laughed and said…’Nope, that was you.’ Everyone was cracking up, especially me since I was so doped up.”

–Mariah Irvin, Facebook

30. “The bed did a sort of ‘Tokyo drift’ into the delivery room…”

“Partway through my labor, I felt a sudden, much worse pain than I had ever felt before. I hit the nurse-call button shrieking for help. A second nurse came in as the first one lifted the sheet to check…and they both exclaimed: ‘STOP PUSHING!!’

They started wheeling me out of the room. They kept shouting: ‘STOP PUSHING!’ and I kept shouting back: ‘I’M NOT PUSHING!’

We slammed through the double doors of the delivery room and the bed sorta did a ‘Tokyo drift’ to a stop in the middle of the room. The momentum caused me to drop from my side onto my back and as soon as my back landed on the bed, the baby popped out (and the pain went away). The nurse standing at the foot of my bed was pulling on gloves, and she snapped the last glove on and exclaimed: ‘Tell the doctor he can take his time now.'”

–Patty Smith, Facebook

31. “He just kept pointing at the baby and shouting how cool it was.”

“Giving birth to my second baby, as he was coming out he stuck one arm out and grabbed the head doctor’s scrubs and pulled. The young intern was so excited he just kept pointing at the baby and shouting how cool it was. Even my seasoned doctor seemed amazed. All I could think of is the baby must want out as bad as I want him to be.”

–Cherish Fritts Newman, Facebook

32. “GET IT OUT!”

“When the doctor finally arrived in the delivery room mid-pushing, he checks me and tells me to reach between my legs and grab her head. By that point, though, I was so ready for it to be over, I just screamed at him. ‘Get it out!'”

–Cassi Osborn, Facebook

View this image ›

33. “It looked just like Heath Ledger’s fucked-up smile as the Joker.”

“I made the mistake of looking at my vagina in a mirror out of curiosity after being stitched up — it looked just like Heath Ledger’s fucked-up smile as the Joker.”

–Erin Day, Facebook

34. “Never touch the placenta.”

“After my son was finally out, in my epidural-high state, I asked to touch the placenta…and they let me. Ladies. Never touch the placenta.”

–Kirsten Strider, Facebook

35. “He’s still attached!”

“The nurse was so worried about getting my newborn son cleaned up and checking him that she tried taking him before they cut the cord. It hurt. I yelled, ‘He’s still attached!’ and she set him down real quick. I almost punched that lady.”

–Rashelle Koier, Facebook

36. “I have never seen no shit like that in my life.”

My grandmother was present at the delivery. After the final push as my daughter was born, I looked over to my grandmother to see if she was crying… She wasn’t.

She was standing in the corner, horrified at what she just witnessed. After the chaos died down I asked my her why she was so horrified, having given birth herself. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, ‘I have never seen no shit like that in my life. Don’t call me till after the baby’s born on the next one, OK Mija?’“

–Janay Danica Alexandra Guevara, Facebook

View this image ›

Jenny Chang // BuzzFeed

37. “Sorry doc, you missed the whole show.”

“While sleeping in the hospital, I woke up with a start, screaming at my husband that baby was coming. By the time the nurse finally got in to the room and checked me, my daughter was already crowning. The nurse grabs the nearest on call doctor who barely made into the room, literally at the last second to grab the baby.

Five minutes later my OBGYN walks in, and goes “ok, are we ready to have a baby?” Sorry doc, you missed the whole show.”

– Vanessa Schira, Facebook

38. “My husband and I made an agreement that he would not look down there…”

“Before my son was born, my husband and I made an agreement that he would not look down there… Well, after he was out and they were going about the after-business, I came to enough to see him making a weird face. I asked him if he looked, he nodded yes and said he saw the placenta. He then whispered that it looked like a meat toupee.”

–Sandra Walker, Facebook

39. “If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.”

My husband and I was just waiting for me to go No. 2 so we could be discharged when I had already been in there two days. I wanted to do the suppository because the nurse said it was faster. I felt the poor nurses had seen enough of everything so I offered to do it myself. The nurse left and here I am in the bathroom trying and failing miserably. Instead of calling the nurse back in, I had my husband do it. He was mortified but a champ (while wearing gloves lol). After everything was said and done he looked at me and said, ‘If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.'”

–Kara Kieffer, Facebook

View this image ›

40. My teeth!

“While in labor with my sister, my mom remembers her mom arriving and screaming with excitement. Her teeth flew out under the hospital bed, and she couldn’t get them until after the birth!”

–Angel Morrison, Facebook

41. “Oh my god, I birthed an alien!”

“I felt what I thought was a No. 2 slip out just as I got into the birthing pool. I said to my husband, ‘Oh my god, I pooped in the pool!!’ Just then, a big bubble floated to the surface and I said, ‘Oh my god, I birthed an alien!’ The midwife grabbed the ‘bubble’ and tore it open. My son was born inside of his amniotic sack.”

–Laura Downie, Facebook

42. “Hell no, I want to check my hair.”

“In the delivery room they had a giant mirror on wheels so if you wanted, you could watch the delivery. I asked my nurse to wheel it over to me and she said, ‘Aw, you want to watch the delivery??’

“‘Hell no, I want to check my hair.'”

–Sarah Fouquet, Facebook

43. “He SHOWED my poop to my husband…”

“I pooped and the doctor lifted up a blue tarp with my poo on it and showed it to my husband saying, ‘This is why I put that there.’ Yep. He SHOWED my poop to my husband while I was trying to bring our child into the world.”

–Kristin Tutt, Facebook

44. “It looked like a crime scene in there.”

“While I was in the final stages of labor (i.e., pushing) a nurse stepped on my IV cord and dislodged it. We had no idea, so with every push more and more blood sprayed out of the unattached cord. Nobody noticed blood spraying everywhere. When the doctor came in for the last few pushes she remarked that it looked like a crime scene in there. There was a pool of blood on the floor and the nurse was splattered with it.”

–Tracey Citron, Facebook

45. “He was crowning!”

“Craziest moment from labor? When I was told to stop pushing. My son was crowning and they said to stop because the doctor wasn’t there yet. The nurse didn’t want to deliver him on her own. Stop pushing??? HE WAS CROWNING!”

–Alycia M. Smith, Facebook

View this image ›

Morgan Shanahan // BuzzFeed

46. “He was tasked with scooping my poop nuggets out of the birthing pool with a fishing net.”

“I had a planned home-water birth, and when I was pushing I guess little bits of poop were coming out. What I didn’t learn until later was that every time one would float to the surface my incredibly dedicated husband was tasked with fishing my poop nuggets out of the water with one of those green aquarium nets.”

–Jana Silver, Facebook

47. GOAL!

“When my mom delivered my older sister, she was in Nigeria during the World Cup and the doctor made her wait till the match was over.”

–John Alex Nieboer, Facebook

48. Word to the wise…

“Words of wisdom: DO NOT EAT SPINACH DIP PRIOR TO LABOR.”

–Marla Czechowski, Facebook

49. “He put the placenta under his foot and stretched it up to his head.”

“After the exciting part was said and done, the doctor motioned for my boyfriend to join him and the foot of my bed. He said, ‘Watch this!’ and put the placenta under his foot and stretched it all the way up to his head. Boys….”

–Liz Boeche, Facebook

Want great parenting tips in your inbox twice a week? Sign up for the BuzzFeed Parents newsletter!

View this embed ›

If you want to be featured in similar BuzzFeed posts, follow the BuzzFeed Community on Facebook and Twitter.

Read more: http://www.buzzfeed.com/morganshanahan/birth-is-freaking-hard