#finally got to make a sam one hurray | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

stellocchia · 4 years ago

Text

Okay, time for another overly long analysis of our favourite green blob with a god complex and traumatized teen!

I will be discussing both the “Trapped in prison with Dream” stream and the “Am I dead?” stream as I think they should be analyzed together, so espect spoilers for those. It also goes without saying that, from here on out, unless stated otherwise, I’ll be talking about the characters and the roleplay only!

So here we go! More under the cut and be advised that this will be a long one!

First of all it’s essential to keep in mind that Dream’s view of his relationship with Tommy is extremely different from Tommy’s. I will be going more into details as the analysis proceeds, but it’s very clear by now that Dream is under the delusion that Tommy’s attachment to him is as strong as his for Tommy.

We have multiple examples of this, but the strongest one (until the revival stream at least) was back in the season 2 finale when he kept believing that Tommy wouldn’t kill him as he wouldn’t kill Tommy. We also have instances like him saying “exile wasn’t that bad, you had me” and his insistence on them having “so much fun together” that all point to the conclusion of Dream believing their game is played on both side.

Tommy, on the other hand, made it abundantly clear that he despises Dream entirely. He recognizes that Dream actively makes him a worse person when they’re together and he recognizes that he abused and manipulated him along with many others. Tommy doesn’t reciprocate Dream’s obsession in the slightest and actually seems extremely taken aback any time the green man proposes the idea of them being a theme.

On that last point it’s interesting to notice that the actual idea of them working together (Tommy and Dream vs the world style) is actually something new that Dream introduced with his stay in prison. Proposing they could “escape tigether” when they first ended up stuck there and even more in the two latest streams... Dream’s interpretation of their relationship seems to have shifted from “fated nemesis who have fun together” to “friends”. No, this is not a positive shift, and I’m not framing it as one. Dream’s idea of friendship is as twisted as can be and Tommy has zero say in the matter.

Now that the introduction is done, let’s get to the actual analysis!

Trapped in prison with Dream

So the stream starts with Tommy trying his best to annoy the Hell out of Dream. Then PussBoy is introduced...

One thing to point out is that Tommy seems to fear silence and lonliness over everything (as we’ll see proof of later on), so it’s honestly no surprise that he would not be able to bear the silence for too long.

“The cat is the best thing that’s happened to us” Dream is already sort of shifting from the “me” talk to the “us” talk, which is rather interesting. That also mirrors his “You being stuck here is the best thing that’s happened to me since I got to prison” statement.

Then there is the interaction with Sam where he decided to leave Tommy in there longer in order to solve the issue. We also get a very rare instance of Tommy showing a lot of his vulnerability, talking about exile (though it’s clear he doesn’t know Sam knows as much as he does about exile), which promptly gets ignored in favour of Sam continuing to work on the security issue.

A few seconds after Sam left Dream already burns the new clock. The reason he’s doing it is obviously to keep Tommy in a more vulnerable state of mind by continiously insuring he has no way to tell how much time has passed. All the while acting like it’s no big deal of course. Like his actions aren’t deliberate.

“What if we get out together?” “No, no! Because then you’ll break out with me, I don’t want you to break out with me” Dream already gave a similar proposition when they had just got stuck together and, again, the reason why this is so important, is because it seems to indicate a shift in Dream’s mind between the “me vs you” mentality to the “me and you vs the rest”.

There is then the whole debacle with PussBoy where he’s killed. There isn’t really much reaction from Dream for it (really, Tommy shows more panic about it then Dream does any emotion. Please people, re-watch that scene and stop using the damn cat as a motivator there). “Look Tommy, I’m gonna get out” is literally his only reaction. That and saying that Tommy is and always has been his motivator: “You motivated me, well, you motivate me all the time”. It really couldn’t be clearer here.

“I’ll get out and, when I do, I’ll get my revenge” (...) “On who” “On everyone who’s wronged me” “Oh on fucking everyone won’t you! You’ll go and you’ll kill fucking... you wouldn’t kill anyone would you? You wouldn’t, you wouldn’t kill someone (long pause)... of course you fucking would...” Now, why did I highlight this whole thing? Well, because there’s a lot to unpack here.

1) Dream is still fully of the idea that he was in the right, hence his desire to get revenge on “those who wronged him”. His mentality has not shifted at all so we can conclude, once and for all, that his “meek” act during most of the visit was indeed just that: an act.

2) Callback to Tommy saying he feels like his brain is “wired to be Dream’s friend”, despite having already been killed 2 times by Dream, Tubbo more recently almost dying to him and knowing what he is capable of in general, it still takes him quite a bit to remember that yes, Dream would kill someone, he would hurt people. Tommy still has a hard time admitting to what happened to him and the impact Dream has had on him and he’s not entirely out of Dream’s manipulation (once again, good representation, because you don’t heal from something like that in a month), he is however now better at recognizing it and correcting his own faulty thinking.

“I have a plan” I did not notice this on first watch, but was Dream’s plan to send Tommy to the afterlife from the start? Or, at least, to send someone there so he could study it? It could very well have been. He’s shown in the next stream that he wanted talk to Schlatt immediately asking Tommy about him once he was back. We can’t however ignore that he mentione that “someone who owes him a favour” may be a part of his escape plan, so that feels rather important for the future once he’ll have brought Willbur back to life.

So then there is more of fight that start. Dream is getting annoyed at Tommy’s “whining” and tries to make him see things from his perspective (aka “it’s not so bad because we have each other” again with the trying to establish their “friendship”).

“You don’t have ME, you never have ME, we don’t have each other, alright? I am me and you are this fucking looser who goes around manipulating people and lying to get what he wants” What this is is 2 things:

1) Tommy recognizing what Dream is trying to do, the subtext of what he’s saying and refuting his claims (hurray for the bit of healing he’s had!)

2) Tommy actually recognizing the possessive side of the claims Dream keeps making. I don’t see this talked about that much, but, to Dream, Tommy is most definitely his propriety, just like Tommy’s disks were Dream’s in his mind (remember that speach? He literally referred to them as “my disks”). I mean, he clearly acts like that’s the case, enphasizing time and time again how he has absolute power over Tommy (I’ll go a bit more into it towards the end of the analysis of the other stream, for now though, keep this in mind)

“Even when I’m in here I’m more powerful then you are when you are outside” back on the theme of Dream’s God Complex I see. He seems to like showing off as often as he can “how powerful he is and how powerless Tommy is” (in Dream’s words from the season 2 finale), though that’s most probably to keep enforcing the dynamic that he already established in exile, the whole thing with Tommy being entirely dependent on Dream. He seems to like that aspect of their dynamic as he has expressed multiple times his appreciation for that specific period of time.

“If I wanted to, right now, I could just kill you. And the only reason I’m NOT is because of my friends, for Tubbo, because WE need that fucking revive book, alright? That’s the only reason I’m not killing you” well, I mean, we’ve known this for quite a while. The only reason Dream got to keep his last life was because of Tommy’s attachment to his friends. I’ve seen a few people saying that it was specifically to revive Wilbur and, while that may have been an idea at first, by now he had already shown multiple times that that was not the case (even before spending time with him in the afterlife). When he went to “Wilbur’s revival” (the failed one) he showed that he was already incredibly uncertain about wanting Wilbur back (describing him as “not so poggers” in very Tommyinnit fashion). No, the actual reason why he wants the book is most likely because Tubbo is on his last life and we know he can’t live without his best friend.

“Tommy, I’m never, I am NEVER EVER going to use the revive book to help you or any of your stupid little friends, okay?” So now the question is: was this a lie or a twisted version of the truth?

I’m gonna say the latter and here is why: Dream DID, in fact, revive Tommy. We know this now, it’s canon. But he really didn’t do it FOR Tommy. One thing I want to make clear is this: while Dream may, in fact, consider himself and Tommy “friends” he doesn’t CARE for Tommy himself, not in a way that’s commonly considered as “caring” at the very least. He finds him fun, entertaining and he seems to be rather dependent on him, but NONE of this things equate to caring about HIM. So, now that that’s cleard up, the resons why he revived him in the first place should be rather obvious:

1) He wanted to see if he could and learn more about his power in general

2) As I said before, there is a degree of dependency Dream has on Tommy. It’s very obvious in the fact that, despite having let go of every other attachment, he doesn’t seem able of letting go of Tommy, not permanently anyway. He seems to actually need to have a degree of control over Tommy at all times

“I will never use the revive book. I will NEVER use it on you, I will never use it on any of your friends, I will never use it to save ANY of you” now THIS one is a straight up lie. What Dream was trying to do here was provoking Tommy enough to see if he’d actually kill Dream or not (which was a useful information for him for later). To see if Tommy could bring himself to do it (he can’t)

“I’ll get out eventually because, either you’ll let me out or... people will be dead” way to be ominous green man! We could assume by this point that his plan to escape may have been along the lines of “getting Techno to repay him by killing one of Tommy’s friends therefore forcing him to let Dream out to bring them back”, or something of the sort.

“This isn’t worse then exile (...) because in exile I thought you had all the power (...) here’s the thing Dream, here’s the thing I know: I don’t think the revive- I- how could I be so fucking...? The revive book Dream, it’s not real is it?” Here is where things start to actually go downhill fast. There is nothing Dream hates more then Tommy questioning his power, there is nothing that makes him angry faster (I’m sure the whole “I don’t give a fuck about Spirit” speach comes to everyone’s mind when I say this, as it should). Dream, as much as he presents himself to be a logical mastermind, is actually very emotional in the way that he is very easily overtaken by anger. He does irrational stuff every time he gets mad, that’s no secret. If he wasn’t already planning to kill Tommy to test his power, this push is what convinced him to do it. Also this is the exact reason why he likes Tommy (weirdly enough, their relationship is so very complicated) in the first place, because he’s the only one who’s constantly questioning him and challenging him.

As we know the fight escalated and Dream ended up killing Tommy telling him to ask “Schlatt” about the book. Though before that there are quite a few exchanges were Tommy expresses that he thinks Dream is powerless now and was lying about the book all along because that’s generally what he does and Dream keeps insisting that he’s not lying and that Tommy’s life is still in his hands, that he still has all the power (turns out he wasn’t so wrong...).

Also, last line to analyze from this: “I might as well be a God Tommy! You can’t kill me and I can kill you” pretty sure this is the first time Dream outwardly announces his God Complex and it’s interesting that his idea of power revolves entirely around having power over Tommy specifically. Because, even having power over Tommy’s life he’s still in prison, he stil has no real power of any kind. Everyone on the outside still hates him (aside from the anarchist duo), they still aren’t letting him out. Who comes to see him and what he can keep in his cell is still entirely dependent on Sam and not on him. But the fact that he has power over Tommy is enough to make him a God in Dream’s eyes.

Am I dead?

Fisrst things first, the afterlife part:

It seems that we may be seeing pieces of conversation had at different times. Let me explain myself:

Tommy opens up asking if he’s dead, then he has an interaction with Wilbur that sounds like it could be their first interaction after his Tommy’s death as Wilbur asks how he’s doing.

We know however that he’s been ther for at least 2 months, probably more considering he seems to have interacted with Schlatt, but Schlatt has been comatose for 3 months. We could then assume that what we see is a sort of very short montage of Tommy’s time in the afterlife.

The next scene we have Tommy asking “How long is left?” (we don’t know what he’s referring to, though it could be to his revival) and Wilbur responds saying that, to the end of the Universe it would be still 8 eons. Then Wilbur asks him to play competitive solitary and they randomly chat for a bit.

New change of topic (probably next scene again) we have Wilbur telling Tommy he’s happy Tommy is there (dead) with him as the tw of them were never good for the server and caused all the problems (which we know to be incorrect, but it was Wilbur’s mentality at the time of his death and it makes sense that he would have kept it). Tommy also has a very clear panic attack which Wilbur generally ignores. Wilbur also says that, if he’s brought back to life, he knows for a fact that the server will be in shambles because, in his words: “I know what I’m like, that’s the issue”.

Like it or not people Wilbur is most definitely implying that he knows he wasn’t a good person and that he won’t be different when he comes back. Simple as that. It’s also a further confirmation of his self-deprecating nature that brought him to self-destruct in the first place.

There is another pause that we could consider a cut scene and Wilbur is then talking about making a solitaire arena in a couple of months to an exasperated Tommy

Now for the revival itself:

First thing we notice once Tommy is back to life is that he’s most definitely experiencing a sensory overload. He’d gotten used to living in a colorless dimension with almost no sounds (aside from Wilbur’s and Mexican Dream’s voices I’m guessing) and no sense of touch aside from the constant pain that being back on the living plain may be quite ovewhelming for him.

“So what was it like?” Dream doesn’t loose a beat once Tommy is back before starting to ask him questions. He literally sounds like an eager kid who just got a new toy (and I gotta commend cc!Dream for the voice acting here!). The book worked and now he needs to find out exactly to what extent he can use it (the idea of immortality being on his mind as we’ll see later).

“Void, it was dark, it was all dark” “There was Schlatt, there was Mexican Dream” “There’s so many more drugs then just alcohol” “Mexican Dream, he was there, which was confusing, he was loud. And then there was Wilbur...” “(Continuation from below) and then I came out and I was in a long long hole, a tunnel of black and void, not even black just colorless” “When I was there it all felt so real, but so torn apart. It felt like I was in pieces, like I was stomped on” This is our best description of the Afterlife so far. A static void with no colors or viable sensations, with only 3 known residents now that Tommy is not there any longer. A weird reality with a seemingly entirely different set of rules to our own.

“Death felt like my body was taken apart and then put together and then taken apart and put together here. It felt stretched man” “It felt like I was shredded to dust” “No it didn’t feel goo- it felt like I was put through a shredder, but there was no blood, there was no flesh it was just essence, like a powder and I was put through (continues in previous section)” This is Tommy’s complete description of his experience with death and what it felt like. Having to stay for months with this constant sensation it’s really no surprise he would be so hypersensitive to touch.

“Honestly I was kind of scared it wouldn’t work” So, here we got another indication of the fact that, while Dream killed Tommy in rage, having him stay dead was never his intention (despite him claiming he would never use the book on Tommy a couple of days prior). He never intended to severe his last attachment (I’m honestly not sure he even CAN seeing as how dependent he actually seem on Tommy), he literally only killed him because he was mad Tommy would question him and wanted to prove a point, but to prove his point in the first place he needed Tommy back. It’s also probably why he revived him so fast, his weird need to have control over Tommy, which he couldn’t have while Tommy was dead.

Why did he care so much about Tommy not believing him on the book, you may ask? Was it to save his own skin? It’s possible and I think that’s part of it, others being convinced that the only reason they kept Dream alive was a lie could cause his death. The other reason is that he seems, as I said before, to want to shift his and Tommy’s dynamic to an “us vs the world” type of deal, which would require Tommy in particular to believe everything he says.

We can now add being hit at all by Dream to Tommy’s ever growing list of trauma triggers as he seems to have a very vivid recollection of his death by Dream’s hands... also we need to point out their body language in this: Dream is constantly trying to get close to Tommy as much as he’s constantly insisting on getting more information, while Tommy alternates between getting close to Dream and pushing him away (could be he’s both seeking some kind of comfort, but is also very overwhelmed).

“Tell me, one more time: what was it like when you died?” “Did it feel good?” Dream’s insistence and exitment about Tommy’s very obvious extreme distress is honestly concerning, but expected. By now we can safely assume that he doesn’t really have any empathy, I know, bold claim, but is there any evidence to refute it? Any evidence at all? Because, so far, he has shown a distinct lack of empathy in any and all situations...

Another interesting thing was Tommy’s reaction to Dream’s probing questions: while he seemed to get increasingly distressed by them, he kept answering Dream every time with little hesitation only at times adding on things like calling Dream a monster for the way he was treating him. I honestly think this may have been because he was in desperate need of comfort, and having someone to confide into is part of that. And Dream was the only “someone” he had there.

We then get the whole exchange about how time in the Afterlife is different then in the normal plain of existence. I’ve seen people equate 1 day to 1 month, however that’s incorrect. That was Dream’s wrong assumption but, from whet Tommy said, we can guess that it was much more then that. Frist of all, the first month and 18-20 days Schlatt was still awake and he was the one making them keep count. That said, we know Schlatt has been asleep for around 3 months (we don’t know exactly how much as they lost count). Which means that Tommy’s stay in the Afterlife was much more around 5 months then 2, meaning 1 day in the Real World should equate to roughly 2.5 months in the Afterlife give or take. That is, of course, assuming time there moves in a regular way and there is an actual correspondence between Real World time and Afterlife time, which is not a given.

Tommy keeps asking for the people he find reassurance in (at least we can assume so) which, in this case, are: Tubbo, Jack, Phil, Fundy an Sapnap. It’s a pretty weirdly matched group of people but, apparently, they are the ones Tommy seeks out when he’s distressed. It would be interesting to see an analysis of his relationship with each of them, but this one is not about that I’m afraid.

“Wait shut- shut up! Shut up! Sorry, I’m sorry” Tommy seems to have re-acquired some of his exile mannerism such as being overly apologetic and skittish, together with the lashing out more. None of this are good signs... he had just started healing as well...

“I... I’m a God! I can bring people back to life, I wasn’t even sure that I could, but I can!” Bringing Tommy back to life worsened Dream’s God Complex even further, because now he doesn’t only have power over Tommy, but everyone else as well. And, I mean... at this point he IS basically a God, he’s not even wrong on that.

“Dream, Dream, listen to me. The things I saw, the things he talked about, the things he said he will and the things he WILL do... do not- promise me, never EVER bring back Wilbur! Please, please, please” In case anyone was wondering this is the exact thing Tommy said on Wilbur. He didn’t say he’s worse then Dream here, but he IS bad news, at least if we trust Tommy on it. Wilbur wasn’t only self-destructive when alive, he was destructive in general. He was dangerous to others as much as he was to himself and he DID hurt people. And this side of him seems to only have been accentuated by death.

“Do NOT bring back Wilbur. Ever! Promise me you’ll never do that, alright? Dream, Dream, you are nothing, you’re nothing, you’re fine Dream! We can be friends if you don’t bring him back! You’re not even- all the tragedies you’ve done-” and here’s the part that I’m guessing people are interpreting as Tommy saying Wilbur is worst then Dream which is... a fair interpretation actually (considering that Tommy is not a reliable narrator). Now please don’t get me wrong, Alivebur as he was, wasn’t worse then Dream, but he had years in the afterlife to become even more radicalized in his beliefs. There is also the fact that Tommy doesn’t seem to put the harm done against him on the same level as that done against others: Dream has hurt Tommy worse then Wilbur ever did, but Wilbur’s potential harm against others might be greater in Tommy’s mind then Dream’s. That’s the reason why he’s offering something he knows Dream wants, which is his friendship, in order to keep Wilbur from coming back: because he truly doesn’t care about his own wellbeing as long as others are safe. Of course Dream’s response to this is: "It’s not up to you. It’s up to me because I- I have that control” which is very in character for the green blob with a God Complex

“What if, now that we know, we could send you back and you could figure out-” We can see that Dream has an utter fascination with this whole concept and, now that he knows revival works, he has no qualms with sending Tommy back (no matter how obviously traumatic it was for him) to get further information because, guess what? Death is not in any way an escape anymore. He can simply pull Tommy back as he pleases.

There is then the exchange about burning the book, but, as Dream has it memorized, they would need to kill Dream to get rid of the knowledge, but Tommy can’t bring himself to do it because he’s even more terrified of being stuck alone in the cell then he is of Dream bringing Wilbur back.

“I wanna know about death. We can study it! We can study it together! We can become immortal together!” Again, if there were any doubts on Dream’s constant need of having Tommy under his control, this should dissolve them. There is truly not much more he can do to show how obsessed he is then offering Tommy to be immortals together, especially because we know that the ideal for him would be to have Tommy be completely dependent on him again. To have his favourite puppet under his control for eternity apparently... “I want absolutely fucking nothing to do with you” of course, as we said many times, Tommy doesn’t view their relationship in the same way. Tommy actually hates Dream and truly doesn’t want anything to do with him.

“You owe me your life” “Owe you my life? You beat m-!” Who’d know that Dream had some similar arguments to his apologists huh? But this does show how warped his view of reality is. I mean, he’s fully aware that he beat Tommy to death, but he still think Tommy should be grateful to him for bringing him back.

“Now you can tell everyone that the book exists, that I'm not a liar!” Dream really went hard with the whole God Complex thing, even going as far as choosing his profet huh? Man’s just on a high horse and will never get down...

“Everyone... is my puppet” Welp, this is the culmination of his God Complex. The realisation that he has absolute power of life and death over everyone else. That he can play with them as he pleases. Also, may I add that, for basically this whole stream, he has used the “soft voice” he tends to do with Tommy whenever he’s trying to get him to comply? Like, I’m mentioining it now because it was particularly obvious in this last exchange, but it’s been there on and off the WHOLE time.

“You killed me to prove your own point. You could have just showed me! You could have just- this is so evil. This is- this is- this isn’t like before. This isn’t you’ve blown up and- you’ve put me through torture, through pain, to prove a point, that’s fucked! You can’t do that to me... to anyone!” It took almost half an hour but Tommy has finally come to the full realisation of what happened to him, of why it happened and he’s honestly very understandably distraught about it (though it is to be said that it's arguably quite good that he understands that it wasn't okay for him either to be put through that as he tends to downplay his own suffering greatly). He has been through something unimaginable for us because Dream was upset that he didn’t believe him about the book. That’s all there was to it, that’s all the reason for his suffering. Like, he’s not wrong at all when he describes Dream as a monster, that’s literally the only accurate description of him. No normal person would put someone else through this for such a petty reason.

“You’re soft Dream, you’re soft” Another valid point by Tommy. While Dream IS undoubtedly extremely powerful and extremely clever, he’s also petty, stubborn and childish. He throws violent temper tanrtums every time someone (especially Tommy) disagrees with him and mostly gets away with his bs because he has the power to back them up. That said he hardly ever lost, the only true loss he had was being locked in prison, and he managed to turn even that in his favour! But that’s the think: loosing makes you stronger, it often teaches you a lot and pushes you to get better. He (along with a couple of others) basically never had that. Tommy’s been through literal Hell and he survived that, he knows he can survive that. Dream? He may break at the first real hardship as far as we know!

“I’ll let you free, I’ll let you free alright? We’ll call for Sam, we’ll get him in here, he’ll let you out, but... I’m gonna bring back Wilbur and Wilbur- Wilbur is gonna help me escape” 2 things to unpack here (aside from the fact that he’s using the “soft voice” to say something extremely disturbing again):

1) Dream is, once again asserting his power over Tommy in two ways: by frasing it in a way that implies that it’s up to Dream wether Tommy leaves or not and by confirming again that Wilbur’s resurrection is entirely up to him and that Tommy’s opinion on the matter is utterly worthless

2) He fully intends to use Wilbur as a puppet as well because, as he says a bit later, if he brings him back then Wilbur will be indebted to him

And that’s how it’s concluded!

My closing thoughts on this are that, generally, Dream’s level of dependence on Tommy seems to worsen as fast as his God Complex. man went from telling him that their story “would never be over” to offering him immortality in the span of little over a month. Tommy is Not Doing Good, AT ALL, but I’m hoping he’ll ask for help this time from other people because he literally cannot deal with this on his own. Wilbur will not be good news, but what he’ll do is still entirely uncertain, it is to be pointed out however that, at the beginning, his frasing at a certain point sounded scarily similar to Dream’s idea of “us vs the world” when he said that him and Tommy specifically are the single cause of conflict. I hope I’m wrong there because the LAST thing Tommy needs is another obsessive God-like individual in his life!

@mysweatymakerstudentworld

#long post #I'm not jocking this gotta be the longest I've ever written!#tw abuse #tw death #prison arc #analysis #character analysis #dream smp #dreamwastaken #tommyinnit #c!dream negativity #don't know if that needs tagging #god this was exausting to write #I'm spent #utterly deceased #hope it helps those who were still confused though #/rp #my post

197 notes · View notes

amalthea9 · 4 years ago

Text

LOTR FS Collab: A Proposal in Elrond’s Garden

This is a collab with a dear friend @cinefantastiquemitho who has written a beautiful piece for me! Since Sir Ian's passing, I have re-listened to the 1981 radio production of the Lord of the Rings in where Sir Ian Holm is Frodo Baggins. And I confess that I am using Cornflower to be paired with Ian's Frodo in this production/timeline because I'm crushing terribly upon him as Frodo aheh. So after sharing bits of ideas with them, @cinefantastiquemitho wrote Frodo's proposal of marriage to Cornflower at Rivendell! This is the piece and it makes me blush and I love it so much! I have done some edits to the piece, but the main plot is written by @cinefantastiquemitho I can't thank them enough for writing this for me!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After having seen and talked with his old uncle Bilbo, Frodo walked around the gardens of Elrond’s house, searching for his cousin Cornflower.

-Cornflower?

He called. No answer.

-Cornflower? Cornflower, where are you?

Giving a sigh in frustration, Frodo was thinking of maybe giving up on his search. Until he heard a singing voice:

-Look at how he looks at her Will someone ever look at me that way Full of all the feelings and the soft Unspoken words that lovers say?

Frodo stood still for a second, asking himself:

-That voice... so sweet... could it be her?

The voice continued to sing:

-I thought that I knew every single Look and sweet expression on his face Yet this is one that I don't recognize Although I've sat and studied him for hours

He decided to follow the voice, and walked a bit more. Until he saw a lady in a pale green dress, on her knees in the grass. Her face was down, picking flowers of pansy, primula and belladona to fill a basket. It was she who was singing:

-But now I see how love completely occupies A pair of' eyes See the way' they gaze at her Like slaves they follow every where she goes

‘It doesn’t appear to be Cornflower’.

Thought Frodo.

‘This dress is so different from the ones she wears. But that voice... I will wait behind this tree until she rises up from the grass’.

He got behind the tree, and waited.

-Do my eyes forget themselves And do I ever look at him And smile in such a way

‘Who is she talking about’?

Frodo asked in his head, paying attention to the verses she sang.

-That what I'm feeling shows? Sometimes I have the feeling Everybody knows And even though it's crazy Still I can't help wondering If I'll ever live to see the day When by some miracle of miracles He'll turn around And look at me that way!

When the lady rose from the ground, carrying the basket of flowers, Frodo smiled at the vision of her face.

-’Cornflower!’ he called out.

The lady looked with her bright blue eyes in the tree’s direction.

-Frodo! You are awake!

She threw the basket of flowers onto the grass, and ran in Frodo’s direction. They embraced each other, laughing, and Frodo spun Cornflower in the air.

He set his cousin back down on the soil, and caressed her face, saying:

-I almost didn’t recognize you with that dress.

-Oh, it’s an elven dress. Lord Elrond’s daughter, Arwen, gave it to me.

Frodo stepped back to admire the green dress she was using.

-It is beautiful on you.

Offering his arm, Frodo and Cornflower took a walk through the garden.

After some time of walking, they sat side by side on a bench under an oak tree.

-So... Rivendell. The elven land on Uncle Bilbo’s stories. Is it like what you imagined?

Frodo asked Cornflower. She pouted, shaking her head negatively and answered:

-No.

Frodo’s jaw almost dropped with surprise.

-It is better.

Cornflower finished, giving a big smile to Frodo. He continued:

-Better... in what sense?

-Because it's a real place. Where we and Uncle Bilbo are together.

-Oh, good Uncle Bilbo. Did you hear the song he composed with Aragorn?

-I even made a copy on paper to help me remember it, Frodo!

-Hahaha. Oh Cornflower, I think that’s why you are Bilbo’s favorite niece.

-Oh no, no, no, no, sir! It’s you who is his favorite. After all, you are the Baggins who looks the most like him.

-Well... You also have a bit of Bilbo in you, Cornflower.

While saying that, Frodo softly caressed Cornflower’s face. She got a bit nervous, and felt chills on her back. Her heart fluttered as she touched the warm hand with which Frodo caressed her cheek.

-You know... Yesterday, I saw Aragorn talking with Arwen. I didn’t hear what they said to each other. But I believe they were tender and loving words, by the way they looked at each other.

Frodo focused his attention on that sentence as the lyrics of that song came back to him:

‘The way they looked at each other's eyes’.

-And then Uncle Bilbo came up beside me with his walking stick, and he asked a very funny thing.

-What did he say?

-He said this: ‘Why aren’t you married to Frodo, yet’?

Frodo’s eyes grew big with surprise, and he turned his face away and started to laugh. Cornflower noticed that it was a nervous laugh.

She came closer to Frodo’s side of the bench, and breathing in sharply to take courage, whispered on his ear:

-My answer was: ‘I just assumed that Frodo didn’t love me, Uncle’.

For a moment, Frodo just stood still. Then he breathed heavily himself, taking up his own courage. He turned to face Cornflower, and while stammering a bit, he began to speak:

-A... ac... actually, I... thought about asking for your hand... some months ago...

Now, it was Cornflower’s turn to freeze in place, with her jaw dropping in surprise. Taking her hands into his, Frodo continued:

-I took a special liking to you... around the time we were two naive twenty year olds. As we got older... I grew to love you. But I was afraid.

-Afraid?! Of what?!

-I feared that... if I asked for your hand, you would say ‘No’.

They both stood still for a second. Then, Cornflower smiled, and whispered:

-I would say ‘Yes’.

-You... would?!

-I still can say it. I love you too, Frodo. I have loved you since we were twenty years old.

Frodo’s face showed a mix of shock and joy.

-So... the song you were singing, while picking flowers... it was about me?

Cornflower nodded as she smiled.

-Oh, Cornflower! How foolish I was for not asking for your hand a long time ago!

-Then ask me now, you silly hobbit!

Said Cornflower, giggling.

Then, Frodo rose from the bench, going to one knee, still holding Cornflower’s hand. And then, after so many years, he finally asked:

- I shall pine as a hobbit does for his pipeweed for the day I shall call you, Cornflower Burrows Baggins. The love of my life. Will you be my wife, Cornflower?

In tears of happiness, Cornflower replied:

-Yes. Yes! Yes! A hundred times yes!

Frodo rose from the grass and took Cornflower Into his arms, spinning her around by the waist while they both laughed happily.

During this moment, they kissed.

And the three cheering hobbits, Sam, Merry, and Pippin, jumped behind the bushes, clapping their hands and cheering:

-Hurray! Finally!

-Oh, so there you are, you scoundrels!

Exclaimed Frodo, laughing.

To which Merry responded:

-We are your friends, Frodo! Whether crying on a dangerous trip, or celebrating your engagement. Friends who don’t know how to laugh together, don’t know how to cry together!

Later that night, Frodo and Cornflower met Uncle Bilbo in his room.

-Bilbo... I asked for Cornflower’s hand in marriage. And she accepted. Now we ask for your blessing.

Bilbo made a serious face for a second, that terrified Frodo and Cornflower for a moment. But then, the old hobbit started to laugh, saying:

- Well it is about time! Of course you have my blessing, Frodo, my lad! I was going to chastise you if you did not propose to her while you were here!

#sir ian holm #ian holm #ian holm fanfiction #The Lord of the Rings #bbc radio lord of the rings #frodo baggins #frodo baggins romance

10 notes · View notes

sebseyesandbuckysthighs · 5 years ago

Text

Three Soldiers and a Baby | Part Ten

summary: Three handsome bachelors find their day to day operations disrupted when an unexpected new roommate (who comes complete with a diaper and a pacifier) shows up at their doorstep. How will they deal with this new and baffling responsibility without losing their minds or killing each other in the process?

pairings: Bucky x Reader (eventual) featuring Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson

warnings: none, just make-believe goodness and cute boys with a baby

a/n: We’ve made it to part 10, hurray! Series is almost done, darlings! Just 5 more parts (including the epilogue) and we’re all done with this cute little series! Hopefully you’ve been enjoying the journey so far and are looking forward to the rest! I’ve already finished editing the remaining parts and now I’m itching to get back to more writing. What ever shall I write next????

*warning to mobile users, the “keep reading” tab may not work so apologies in advance*

| previously |

He needed to cherish every moment he had with her, so for the next half hour, Bucky spent his time walking around the apartment with his little girl in his arms. Talking to her was quickly becoming his new favorite thing to do as she seemed to cling to every word he said. Completely enraptured in the way his lips moved and the sounds she couldn’t comprehend. The times when she would smile or giggle were the best and Bucky was sure his heart stopped each time.

The next morning Steve and Sam woke up earlier than usual, practically jumping with anxiety about Bucky’s first night spent at home with the baby. Upon reaching the living room, though, they learned that all their fears had been completely unfounded. There on the large living room couch was Bucky with his hands protectively cradling Ellie, both sound asleep.

Bucky couldn’t get enough of Ellie. Every little thing she did was magical to him. He was completely enraptured by her. When she slept, he would watch her with a lovestruck gaze and keep a protective watch over her. When she was awake, he would be doting on her and caring for her every need. His favourite thing to do was making her laugh and kissing her soft skin. Despite his earlier apprehensions about being a father, Bucky seemed to be taking it all in stride and falling into the role almost seamlessly. By mid afternoon, he started going on and on about how they needed to go out to the shops and pick up more things for Ellie. He even went so far as to be upset with Steve and Sam for not already going out to buy her a crib and highchair at least.

“Buck, we can’t just go out and shop for baby stuff.” Steve tried reasoning with him as he held Ellie in his lap while Bucky fed her her afternoon meal of peas and carrots. “What if someone recognized us?”

“I don’t care,” Bucky said as he scooped up the little bit of puree that dribbled down Ellie’s lips. She kept wiggling around in Steve’s arms and humming happily like she usually did when they fed her. “You like this stuff huh, baby girl?” Bucky said as he gave her another spoonful. Proud that his little girl was such a good eater.

Sam was standing nearby in the kitchen, preparing lunch for the three men. He was the self-proclaimed chef of the apartment and rarely allowed Steve or Bucky to even get near his stove. He had been listening to Bucky go on and on all day about Ellie and all the things he had planned for her. As much as the little squirt had grown on him, he was starting to get fed up with her annoying as hell father. “Listen, we can see that you’re getting all excited to provide for your little girl. That’s awesome, man, but we have to think about the big picture here. If the public sees one of the Avengers, let alone all three of us, shopping for baby stuff, that’s gonna be huge news. It might even attract unwanted attention to who the mystery baby is.” Sam acknowledged the realistic argument and hoped Bucky would see the reason in it.

Only Ellie’s little baby sounds could be heard as nothing was said while Bucky quietly thought over Sam’s words. He always thought Steve was the more spontaneous one in the group, but now that he thought about it he may have been getting ahead of himself. “Yeah you’re right. Ellie’s safety is my first priority.” He finally conceded. “But guys, I don’t want her sleeping in that tiny ass basket anymore. I want...I don’t know. Dammit, I just want more for her.”

“You want to spoil your little girl, Bucky. There’s nothing wrong with that.” Steve smiled at the brunette man currently looking a little red in the cheeks as he motioned for Steve to hand over Ellie now that she was done her food. Bucky kissed her messy chubby cheeks and smiled when she gave him a cute little giggle. “We’ll just have to order everything online and have it delivered. Like everything else in this day and age.” Steve assured.

“I’m sorry, but did he just say I’m right?” Sam cut in, holding a whisk and pointing it at Bucky. “Can I have that repeated and recorded please? I need a new text tone.”

A couple of hours and a few thousand dollars later, Bucky was finally somewhat satisfied with their haul for Ellie. Each of their credit cards were used to help the cause, but that didn’t seem to bother any of them. Well, not too much at least. There were a few comments about how expensive baby shit was, but when Bucky insisted he needed the best for his daughter, the others couldn’t come up with a convincing counter-argument to that. Not that they really wanted to. They even paid extra for same day delivery.

It was when everything arrived later that afternoon that they realized they may have bitten off more than they could chew. The highchair, stroller, and baby jumper were all simple enough. It was the big ticket items, like the crib and changing table, that took every ounce of patience and sanity the trio had left for each other. Bucky even bought one of those video monitors so he could keep an even better eye on Ellie while she slept. As though he would ever leave her alone.

All of her new clothes and toys were put away and the apartment was nearly done being baby proofed when they finally decided to call it a day on the baby things. Well, except Bucky of course. Sam was waiting patiently at the door for Steve to finish getting ready so they could leave together on their first night out of the house in a week. As much as he and Steve needed to get out of this apartment, and as much as they hated to admit, they were a bit apprehensive about leaving Bucky on his own for the first time with the baby. Aside from Steve being on his own for those few minutes during that first day while Sam ran out to get those supplies, there were always at least two people watching Ellie at one time. This was going to be another solo mission for Bucky and this time one could argue that the stakes were much larger.

“You sure you got this, Bucky?” Steve asked, trying to mask the hesitancy in his voice. Thankfully, Bucky was too distracted by Ellie to even notice.

“Of course I’m sure. Nothing sounds better than spending the night in with my little girl. Isn’t that right, sweetheart?” He smothered Ellie’s face in kisses causing her to erupt into loud peals of laughter and rub her little hands all over Bucky’s beard.

Steve smiled happily at the adorable pair. “Alright, but you’ll call us if you need anything, right? We’ll call during intermission.” He and Sam were finally going to go out and see that show with a few of the other Avengers, but they were less than excited about it this time.

“Yeah, man. Just go. We’re going to be fine, Steve. Stop worrying so much about everything and just go out and have some fun, man.” Bucky cradled Ellie in one arm and pushed Steve toward the door with the other. With one final goodbye and another few pushes, the other two soldiers were out the door and Bucky was finally going to spend some quality time with his firstborn.

“Did you try his cell?” Sam asked, an edge seeping into his tone.

“Three times!” Steve exclaimed worriedly, gripping his phone a little too tightly that he was sure to break it. “He’s not answering.”

It was intermission at the show and as Nat, Wanda and a very human looking Vision were out at the concessions, Steve and Sam were off in an alcove trying to call home.

“What the hell is he doing?” Sam’s irritation was starting to compete with his concern.

Steve’s face paled as his lips pulled into a tight line. “What if something happened to them?”

“What’s going on, fellas? Show’s about to start.” Natasha’s voice came from behind Sam, nearly causing him to shriek in surprise, but he thankfully kept his cool. Almost.

“Nothing!” Both men shouted in unison and completely unconvincingly, which was evident by Natasha’s raised brow.

“Uh-huh. Okay guys, spit it out. What’s been going on with you two?” She confronted them. “We haven’t heard much from either of you all this week. Then the one day you do come out, you’re both acting all sketchy and itching to get back home. And before you decide to come up with some bullshit excuse I just want to remind you of who I am.”

They told her everything.

Steve swung the door open with such force he was surprised it didn’t come off its hinges as he entered the apartment. Not far behind him were Sam and the others, desperate to see what was going on. Just as Steve was about to yell out for Bucky, none other than the man himself waltzed into the living room and he was doing something none of them were expecting. Bucky Barnes was singing.

“I've got sunshine on a cloudy day. When it's cold outside, I've got the month of May. Well I guess you'd say. What can make me feel this way. My girl.” He was swaying back and forth in front of the large window looking out onto the city. Ellie was wearing one of the pajama onesies they bought for her and he was in a pair of dark sweatpants and a tight tank top. The lights were set to low and there were even a few candles lit, but other than that, everything was as it was before the guys left.

“Bucky?” Steve called out, sounding a little like a frog was trapped in his throat.

“Hm?” Bucky turned around towards the group at the door, only slightly confused. “What’s going on guys?”

“What’s going on?” Sam repeated, starting to fume. “What the hell do you mean what’s going on?! What are you doing, man? Why didn’t you answer your damn phone?!”

“Don’t yell, Sam. I’m trying to get her to sleep.” Bucky looked down to Ellie, kissing her head softly as she rested her head on his exposed chest. Neither of them seemed to sense the turmoil going on on the other side of the room as his friends stood there gawking at the scene before them. It was almost too much to process as Natasha, Wanda, and Vision looked back and forth between Bucky and the baby in his arms. They stood there seeing, just not quite believing it yet.

“Bucky, we called you.” Steve breathed out, finally getting his heart rate to return to normal. “Why didn’t you answer?”

“Oh right, sorry about that, pal. I meant to text back, but me and Ellie were a little busy. Huh, baby girl?” He spoke down to her as they started to sway again. “We had a nice warm shower together, didn’t we? Then we played with some toys and I told her about some of the adventures I’ve had.” Bucky looked back up to the others. “Only the good ones, of course. Not the nightmares.”

No one at the door had bothered to make a move yet. Unconsciously deciding to stay rooted in place as the surrealness of the situation washed over them. Bucky started to pick up on their apprehension and instead decided to take action, addressing his curious friends. “Stop standing around like a buncha idiots and come meet my daughter, would ya?”

Feedback is always appreciated, leave it here!

part nine << part ten >> part eleven

Series Masterlist

Full Masterlist

tags:

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #steve rogers #sam wilson #bucky barnes fanfiction #avengers fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #three soldiers and a baby #my writing

221 notes · View notes

fuckyeahwomenfilmdirectors · 6 years ago

Text

Blockers dir. Kay Cannon (2018)

Considering the absolute paucity of R rated studio comedies directed by women how lucky were we that we got not one but two really good ones in 2018? I’m talking of course about the delightfully ridiculous buddy action film The Spy Who Dumped Me and Kay Cannon’s directorial debut Blockers. I dodged Blockers in theatres because I heard it referred to as a gross out comedy one too many times for me to actually want to see it on the big screen, but imagine my delight when I watched it at home and found that while it certainly has some gross out cringe worthy moments it is also a well-written delightful film with a lot of heart.

The “blockers” in the title is short for cock blockers and refers to the parents of three best friends. Julie, Kayla and Sam have been besties since their first day of school and are now in their final year of high school. When Julie decides to lose her virginity to her boyfriend on prom night, Kayla, a jock with no particular feelings about her own virginity, decides to lose her virginity on the same night so they can have the same sex-versary (to be celebrated yearly at Olive Garden). This leaves Sam, a shy nerd who is grappling with the realization that she might be a lesbian, feeling left out. After some misguided but well-meant advice from her mother and step-father, Sam decides to join in the sex pact and lose her virginity to her fedora wearing boyfriend on prom night.

Their plans to have sex are set in motion the second they head out to prom but through the miracle of tech (Julie has accidentally synched her iphone to her computer leaving her mother and Kayla’s father to try to decipher their children’s sexy peach and eggplant emojis) their parents eventually realize that their three teen daughters have a sex pact. Horrified at the idea of their children having sex the parents set out to stop them, by any means possible.

Despite the fact that the children set the plot in motion the film really belongs to the adults. Julie’s mother Lisa (Leslie Mann) is a single mother who is so emotionally fragile after her ex walked out of their lives years ago that she can only associate sex and vulnerability with heartbreak and pain. Kayla’s dad Mitchell (John Cena) is a classic overprotective type who still sees his daughter as a little girl who needs to be saved. And even Sam’s dad Hunter (Ike Barinholtz) whose lax attitude towards his daughter’s sex life seems one with his desperation to be the “cool” parent, actually stems from the fact that unlike the other parental figures in his daughter’s life he has clued in to the fact that she’s a lesbian and doesn’t believe she’ll actually have sex.

This is Kay Cannon’s directorial debut and she handles it like an absolute pro. There’s a lot of material to get through and a lot of characters with differing motivations and goals but the script (by Brian Kehoe and Jim Kehoe with uncredited input by Cannon) gives everyone their moment to shine. It also has a deep understanding of consent (apparently Cannon’s contribution these conversations are weaved seamlessly into the plot and feel as natural as breathing). The movie also isn’t shy about pushing back on the intentions of the “blockers”. Both Kayla’s mother and Julie’s boyfriend’s parents openly tell them that they should mind their own business and trust their children to make their own sexual decisions. Also, not to spoil too much, but each girl and parent has a different resolution to the night and when those resolutions come it feels right to their characterizations and right to the plot.

The cast is pretty uniformly great but as always Leslie Mann is an absolute gem. This is a role she could pretty much play in her sleep, but she absolutely sells every single moment of Julie’s arc. Out of the kids Gideon Adlon as Sam was the best to me. That’s maybe due to the fact that as the one with the coming out arc she had more dimensions to work with but she absolutely sold every inch of her character.

Also hurray for Cannon for scoring one for Amy Heckerling! In an interview Heckerling stated that in the ‘80s when she started working she wanted to show less female nudity and more male nudity. It took a few decades but more and more male nudity is making it into the mainstream and that includes Blockers. So while all the women get to keep their tops (or at least their bras) on, there are several shots of both a penis and testicles! Before anyone gets too excited it’s played off as a gag (and kind of a creepy one tbh, I’ll be happy when these kind of non-consensual scenes disappear from cinema forever), but kudos to 62 year old Gary Cole for gamely stripping off for the camera. But mostly the kudos goes to Cannon for making sure that even though the young women of her film are ready for sex they aren’t treated like objects.

#Blockers #Kay Cannon #2018 #USA #FYWFD reviews #Post 2000 series

132 notes · View notes

limewrites-archive · 6 years ago

Text

I Had to Say It (pt 1)

A/N: So, I wanted to start this off with some angst.

Pairing: Soulless!Sam X Reader

Warnings: Angst, Sadness, idk i think thats it.

Reader is a hunter that had been hunting and knew the Winchesters for a while ever since Bobby introduced her to them. When Sam went to hell, (Y/N) had taken his death hard. But when Sam comes back, she is in disbelief.

PART TWO HERE!!

For a whole year all you thought about was Sam, but only problem was that Sam was in Hell. You had checked in with Dean a few times, but he was with Lisa and not hunting anymore. You felt like it was your job to keep hunting in memory of Sam, knowing he would want whatever thing of the week to be dead as well as people to be safe. Every kill, you liked to think it was for Sam, even though you knew it probably wasn't healthy. You just needed something to get your mind off of Sam being gone, but without the feeling of him being gone. More like you were working on a case for the boys that they couldn't get to because they are states away, which wasn't really wrong. Dean was states away, and Hell- it was pretty much the next state away.

You had come back from checking in on Dean again, the two of you chatted every time for a couple of minutes. It was always was him telling you about how Ben was doing in school and anything new and exciting as him being a dad. You recalled him saying, "I hadn't realized kids ask so many damn questions," right after he had told you that Ben asked him, "Why are you buying beer, Dean? Do you know how much candy we could get with that money?" But after the small talk, he would ask if you were still living the life. "Yeah. I just have to since you guys aren't anymore. There's still work to do you know?" He of course, could understand but he'd rather spend the time with Lisa and Ben. Honestly, if you had his opportunity, to be out and only thing that matters is your lover, you'd take it too. But, the person you loved was far away, in Hell. Ever since Bobby had introduced you to the Winchesters, Sam was always your favorite of the two brothers.

He had worn a serious face while working and he seemed just really into getting the job done. At first, you though of him as kept in, much like the other hunters you came across. Once you guys were finished with a job and decided to take a trip to the bar, you saw the other side. The sweet, kind and dorky him as he started talking to you with a beer in his hand. Dean was off at the bar and it was just you two having a drink. He didn't drink much so you knew it was him and not the drinks talking. Anything after that night made you fall more in love with him as you got to see him and talk to him over time. But that ended when he went to the pit. Your heart missed him so much for weeks. You put on a 'everything is fine' mask after a week of seeing no one, not even Bobby and only let yourself cry when you were alone at night.

Finally learning to live with him being gone, learned to cope by hunting, you went back to Bobby's house looking for cases after checking in on Dean. It was a day or two afterwards and there was a knock at the door. Bobby had wanted another round of beers so you were in the kitchen popping them open. You heard footsteps and talking, Bobby had visitors (besides you, and when the boys used to hunt). He never gets visitors unless its important. You exited the kitchen, seeing Lisa and Ben head upstairs. You set down the beers, seeing Dean talking to Bobby and show Lisa and Ben to the spare room upstairs. You made your way back downstairs, but saw Bobby, Dean and someone you thought you'd never see again.

Sam.

"Holy shit.." You were speechless, but Dean did not look happy. None of them said a word. Bobby just sighed, "Meeting time." Meetings with that combination half of the time end bad.

Bobby knew all along. He knew you took it hard the first weeks, even almost a month. You'd stop in once in a while after a couple hunts just to get a good nights sleep on Bobby's sofa. Bobby even caught you tearing up one night in his kitchen drinking a beer. You didn't understand why Bobby kept it from you all this time. You just sat down with, not a beer, but a glass of whiskey in your hand, drinking as Dean and Bobby talked out everything. It eventually lead Dean to say, what you were thinking, "You couldn't put me out of my misery?"

"You were out Dean. And (Y/N)- was finally getting over it," Bobby spoke back to Dean. You took that chance to walk out. You sat on the porch as you hoped they were peacefully handling things. After a minute, the door behind you opened, and you knew it wasn't Dean or Bobby. He sat next to you, sighing. You turned to the side, not wanting to see him even though you wanted to, but not in this situation. Bobby knew, and Sam didn't reach out to you or Dean. There was just the overall feeling of being crushed. "Unbelievable..." was all you managed to say to him. He sighed, not knowing what to say. "It took me months to get at back to normal as possible...and I thought you were gone for good. Kept you out of thought Sam." Lie. "Now you just pop up, hurray! But finding out after a year? Sam- I can't look at you. The whole freaking time..." He put his hand on your shoulder, you moved away from his touch and wiped your tears. There was no way you could be angry with him even if you tried because you were glad he was back. You wished day and night he would come back and here he was, but not when you wanted the most. You couldn't just let the fact that he kept that he was alive for a year from you and Dean.

"Please, look at me, (Y/N) I don't want you to be mad at me," he begged. You finally faced him, eyes puffy and wet. He gave a little smile at you and you just wanted to tell him how you felt the whole time. How you missed him, how you felt for him before he went to hell, every moment he made your heart flutter and do loop-de-loops. You chuckled, wiping your face again to make sure you were no longer crying. "I'm glad you're back Sam," you reached forward and hugged him. He held you for a while, before you pulled back. When you did, he seemed normal. There, no sense of relief, as if you had just told him you were going to going to bed or something small. But maybe it was nothing, you thought to yourself. Dean came outside, letting Sam know that they needed to head out to hunt a Djinn.

The next chance you got to be alone with Sam, you would tell him. You didn't need him dying on you again without telling him how you felt. Sam was with his relatives or whatever and it was a while before he had came back to Bobby's. You had stayed at Bobby's just to be of service whenever needed to help Bobby with calls, and any other hunter that needed some backup. When Sam did arrive, it was late and Bobby was in the study reading. "Hey, Sam, can we step outside for a moment?", you asked. He said a little 'okay' and you put on a hoodie before stepping out with him. You didn't face him, your breath visible through the cold night air. "So, what's up?" Sam asked.

"It's- It's a little hard for me to say what I'm about to say... When you were in Hell- I cried. I cried Sam- for weeks, and I hoped that it didn't actually happen and I hoped that you would come back. I was worried- more than Dean..." You started as you looked up at him. You shook your head, "There was no way you were going to come back soon, and it hurt me because I never got to tell you something that I always wanted to say to you, Sam." He took a step forward, waiting in silence for you to finish.

"I like you, Sam. Screw it- I love you. And don't you dare say, 'no you don't' because I've seen you at your worst. I wasn't proud of you when you were drinking demon blood- but I didn't hate you for it. I got what you were trying to do. I get the life- and everything that comes with it. "

You took a deep breath, looking up at him. There was no shock, no feeling in his eyes. You scoffed, as he said nothing still. "I knew you didn't feel the same. But I had to tell you. I felt empty when you were gone, knowing I never got to tell you that I loved you knowing I would never see you again. I don't want to go through it again, Sam." You had felt a lump in your throat, tearing up as he just said nothing, looking at you. You pushed him, but he didn't move. "Say something!" you yelled as you tried to pushed him again. You wanted him to say anything, it didn't matter what. "Say you don't feel the same, say that it makes things awkward now- say that you never want to see me again because I'm a pain in your ass. Say anything damn it!" You kicked the wall next to him, frustrated, not angry. You were so frustrated why everything had to be a mystery, why he didn't bother to talk to you for a whole year, why he won't say anything. You two looked at each other for a moment. You waited, and waited, but eventually you laughed a little bit, wiping another tear and sniffling. "Okay- I get it. Goodnight Sam." You grabbed the keys in your pocket and started to take them out as you walked to your car. "I didn't bother to tell you because Bobby told me how hard you were taking it. And coming back right after, didn't seem like the right time to tell you since you thought I was gone for good. I can't really explain what I've been feeling since I've came back, but I've been focused on the job. And that's why I can't answer, because of that feeling," he stood on the porch.

You stopped in your tracks, looking down, shaking your head slightly, "Call me when you have any answer, Bobby has my number." And you drove off.

PART TWO COMING SOON

#i had to say it #sam x reader #sam winchester #dean winchester #soulless sam #souless sam x reader #sam Winchester angst #angst #supernatural #spn #confessions #a03 #a03 fic

48 notes · View notes

finsterhund · 5 years ago

Text

This con is big but not too nice.

I like the accessible washroom of the building

I like how spaced the artist tables are. But geez.

Artists are upset about the crappy wooden tables, people are talking about the artists who got banned for complaining about getting scammed out of their second table.

The artists here are great though. I wish the con cared more about them. Lots of people I know here. Many I already commissioned. I'm not going to get a second commission from someone if I haven't scanned and uploaded the one I got from them previously. Doesn't seem right.

I commissioned an artist who it was their first con, and I have an artist I want to commission online later.

I had to pay extra money for the sky train to refill my card. Would have been nice if the one lording it over us about having a car would actually have helped us today with said car but I think maybe we need to give those poor cyclists a break (okay, maybe I'm being a bit too petty with this now)

The pain medicine keeps me feeling okay. I love cosplaying as Andy again. Maybe in the winter months I'll get new converse so they're not hurting my legs and back. I need them up one size that's a big reason why cosplaying as Andy hurts.

I wish I wasn't so hot I hate sweating. I wish I was healthy and that I could finally finish my cosplay. Someday. I finally get to see a specialist soon. Hoping that puts me on the road to finally having normalcy and a body that at least tries to work properly.

My friend reminded me that we first made my cosplay when I was still ten pounds underweight so the fact that my shorts are tighter on me than usual shouldn't be too unexpected. My back flaring up definitely contributes to it too. I think a big chunk of me thinking I'm an ugly lump is not because of things like diet and more just my body being the unfortunate way it is. Thanks to bad genetics and scar tissue I'm bottom-heavy and no amount of fixing my diet is going to change that. I'm the Danny Devito of Andys. But admittedly the bad situation of July likely made it more noticable. I hate being a thicc boy. I meme about being the designated "fat kid who dies first" but I'm actually sensitive about it.

For how expensive it is to buy a single pass and a falling apart table here, this con has no internet for artists. But that's consistent. Was that way the last few years too. Funny how the cons that cost less and come with the right number of badges and a clean table also have free internet for the artist alley.

To be honest as much as I love all the artists and attendees here and being more likely to be recognized as Andy I really do not like this con.

The art of Andy I got from the first convention attendee artist is very cute. Crisp black and white inks so it'll scan well and I can't wait to share. But no internet!

There's an artist who does custom buttons but they're unlike any buttons I've ever seen. They are wrapped in an acrylic casing instead of punched around a metal piece. I want to get an Andy button from them. That reminds me I haven't scanned any of my custom Andy buttons.

Someone offered the take a photo of me against a banner but I didn't feel good enough. I probably should have taken them up on the offer but I just felt yuck.

The only video game sellers did not have PS1 games which actually angered me lmao.

Sales aren't good I think.

I'm sweating real bad. So glad I got a bath last night and brought my deodorant. Good god. Where's the AC? It's days like these I wish Andy ran around the Darkland barefoot so I could get out of wearing socks. I expell so much heat through my feet and hands I don't want to eat my chocolate snacks I brought for fear they will melt all over my fingers.

I went outside to bring my friend back a coffee (I can do this all by myself because of how close it is hurray!) But as soon as I went back in I started to sweat again.

I found a friend lined up in front of the ATM. We talked. It was nice to see them again. I found another friend elsewhere and also the first friend came around later. Was fun.

WHY DOES NO ONE KNOW HOW TO USE DEODERANT? I WANT TO DIE. I have had to walk behind people who smell like absolute death and it's made me feel really gross. Here I am concerned about a little sweat and there's people who you'd think are UNDEAD because of how the scent of ?????? trails behind them for like ten feet. You can smell when they pass behind you. I want to throw up.

I got some more art. The Andy button I was interested in, found someone else to commission something digital. The Andy button is AMAZING. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. it's hard to clip it closed but it's so cool and it opens so I can scan the art inside.

I got stickers from my friends I wanted to get, and a secret gift for Fishy made by my friend Sam. I intend to make a care box (is that the word?) cuz I know your birthday is coming up this month.

My stickers already got scuffed on my new folder so I'm sad. I hate being a bumbler who bumps things.

There was an artist who drew dogs but I couldn't find them again :(

I think I made a new friend. He is super cool and does panels at vancoufur. His fursona also wears a bandanna.

I feel a lot better about pain medicine. My friend says I could be able to take it every day and I just need to be careful not to take too much. I know people like me run the risk of becoming immune to them and having a sick liver but he says as long as I don't take too many it's fine.

Is this why I'm so miserable all the damn time!?

Legit what if that's the problem?

So I'm feeling pretty good about that. You guys might see a brand new Finsterhund. I'm so excited to have energy and feel comfy again. I was raised with fear mongering of "only using pain medicine when it was worse than usual. Because it'd kill you." But all that is untrue and I've been suffering needlessly this whole time.

So yeah. Now I'm going to start taking them bi daily. As well as the ones to help me sleep.

Genuinely feeling good about this. Andy cosplaying! Pain relief! It's all here! Things finally looking up for lil ol me.

I'm budgeting this con better too. Half of that is because I'm getting lost and can't find artists i wanted to commission again but that's a side effect of my worsening memory. I want to get a small ocarana but I might not be able to afford it by the end. It'd be nice to play Andy's Mission on. That way it won't annoy my friend like a kazoo would. Even though he said my kazoo is fine and he wouldn't have given it to me if it wasn't.

There's more artists I wish I could commission but I'm trying to be careful.

I was very hungry and they had hotdog rollers right outside the con and I really wanted one and they were SIX DOLLARS AND FIFTY CENTS. That's awful. But I got one because I was so hungry. It tasted good at least.

There's an hour and a half left of the day. I don't know what we will do after. I don't want to socialize except with my friends and if I go to bed early I'll be up at 4AM again.

There's now a little under an hour left and I'm tired. Wanting to go back to the hotel room and relax. I'm disappointed in myself for buying the expensive hotdog.

Whisky has been shedding since I brushed him and part of me is all AAAAAAAAAA but the other part is all "this would definitely have been canon."

My friend left his table under my care for the last twenty minutes of the day and I'm kinda anxious. I'm scared that ex roommate "took revenge" on my stuff back at the hotel room. He's never done stuff like that before, but he has threatened to. I also have that sense of emptyness inside that I get sometimes. The one where you just feel bad, no reason to, just emotionally hurt.

#text post #long post #so ends day one #I'll post photos of the art when I get back to the hotel room

1 note · View note

adamwatchesmovies · 7 years ago

Text

2018/03/05 - 90th Academy Awards Thoughts

I saw as many Oscar-nominated movies as I could last year. I even managed to squeeze one last picture in, Mudbound on the morning of the ceremony. Titles I missed include Phantom Thread, The Breadwinner, Loving Vincent, as well as the shorts, foreign films, and documentaries nominated. When I see these, I’ll let you know what I thought. With that said, let’s dig into my thoughts, in the order they were awarded.

Best Supporting Actor

Winner: Sam Rockwell - Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri as Officer Jason Dixon

My pick: Willem Dafoe (The Florida Project). My prediction: Richard Jenkins (The Shape of Water). I was hoping that The Florida Project would win, as it wasn’t nominated in any other categories. Sam Rockwell plays a crucial part in Three Billboards so I'm not upset.

Best Makeup and Hairstyling

Winner: Darkest Hour – Kazuhiro Tsuji, David Malinowski, and Lucy Sibbick.

No surprises there. Everything the other nominees did (Victoria & Abdul and Wonder) Darkest Hour did better.

Best Costume Design

Winner: Phantom Thread – Mark Bridges

Also not a surprise. I didn’t even need to see Phantom Thread to know it would win.

Best Sound Editing

Winner: Dunkirk – Richard King and Alex Gibson

My prediction: Baby Driver. It was foolish of me not to predict Dunkirk, but since the sound made up such an integral part of both films, I figured it was one of the two.

Best Sound Mixing

Winner: Dunkirk – Mark Weingarten, Gregg Landaker, and Gary A. Rizzo

My prediction: Baby Driver. I guess I should’ve learned my lesson the first time.

Best Production Design

Winner: The Shape of Water - Paul Denham Austerberry; Set Decoration: Shane Vieau and Jeff Melvin

Best Production Design a.k.a. Best Art Direction was a tossup between Blade Runner 2049 and Shape of Water, but the later, as far as I could tell, employed less CGI and more physical sets. It also has much more of a distinct color palette than Beauty and the Beast, Darkest Hour or Dunkirk.

Best Supporting Actress

Winner: Allison Janney – I, Tonya as LaVona Golden

Tough category this year. I suspected Janney would win based on how memorable her character was, and the fact that we see her at multiple times throughout the years. I would’ve been happy with any of these ladies nabbing an award.

Best Animated Film

Winner: Coco – Lee Unkrich and Darla K. Anderson

Since it’s creation in 2000, this category has been a joke and the trend continues. I enjoyed Boss Baby, but award-worthy? Nah. Ferdinand? Come on. Who thought those bad German Accents and twerking animals were worth recognizing? It’s obvious that the animation category is an afterthought at best, a popularity contest and at worst. This year’s winner, Coco is a great-looking film. It meant a lot to many people. Do its visuals pop as much as the ones in Loving Vincent – whose every frame was created via oil paintings? Not to me.

This is the 10th year in a row where Disney/Pixar has a nomination in the category and walked away with a trophy. In the same way that Get Out, Logan and The Shape of Water are significant nominees because they indicate to genre filmmakers that your story doesn’t have to be historical or filled with angst and drama to be recognized, the message of this category is: don’t bother working hard to make something original, thought-provoking or new, you’re not going to win. Coco pioneered some techniques and it’s a good movie that will endure, but when you say that it beat out Ferdinand and The Boss Baby, does that sound like an achievement?

Best Visual Effects

Winner: Blade Runner 2049 – John Nelson, Gerd Nefzer, Paul Lambert, and Richard R. Hoover

I wonder if Kong: Skull Island and War for the Planet of the Apes wound up canceling each other out. Were there too many monkeys in 2017?

Best Film Editing

Winner: Dunkirk – Lee Smith

If Baby Driver didn’t win in the other two categories, then I knew the winner of this award would be Dunkirk. It's a well-deserved win, as it's a spectacularly constructed story.

Best Adapted Screenplay

Winner: Call Me by Your Name – James Ivory based on the novel by André Aciman

I would’ve liked to have seen Logan or The Disaster Artist win here. Partially because this was the only category those films were nominated under, partially because they were about as different from the other nominees as you can get. I don’t think the best film of the year has to be depressing or some black-and-white examination of the human condition. It can be a story that’s topical, memorable, impactful, or true in its own way. Still, the fact that both of these got nominated brings me great joy.

Best Original Screenplay

Winner: Get Out – Written by Jordan Peele

Hurray! As I was writing earlier, just because your film is funny and scary, it doesn’t mean it’s lesser. I’m enthusiastic about what this win will mean for the future of horror.

Best Cinematography

Winner: Blade Runner 2049 – Roger A. Deakins

My guess was The Shape of Water but Blade Runner 2049 deserves it.

Best Original Score

Winner: The Shape of Water – Alexandre Desplat

Alexandre Desplat’s main theme is memorable and encompasses every feeling in the movie. While I was tempted to wager that Dunkirk would win, I don’t really see its score (or the movie) being nearly as effective when isolated. So much of the tension in Christopher Nolan’s film is due to the way it’s edited. I’m not sure when you’d listen to the music on its own either unless you were a sadistic boss trying to ensure your staff meets its deadlines?

Best Original Song

Winner: "Remember Me" from Coco – Music and Lyrics by Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez

When I reviewed Coco in November, I called out its soundtrack as not particularly memorable. I guess they showed me, didn’t they? I would’ve preferred to have seen the unusual sound of “Mystery of Love” win. I would’ve also taken “This is Me”, if only because it’s the only number in the selection that doesn’t make you want to weep. I don’t think the best film has to be some stuffy story and don’t believe a rousing anthem shouldn’t be allowed to win Best Original Song.

Best Director

Winner: Guillermo del Toro – The Shape of Water

Had no idea who was taking this prize home. Every director brought such a different type of film that I would’ve been happy with any of them taking the prize. Considering how many other noms Shape of Water got, I’m not surprised del Toro nabbed this one. His picture is such a weird one and there’s a lot that could’ve gone wrong, but he pulled it off.

Best Actor

Winner: Gary Oldman – Darkest Hour as Winston Churchill

Another tight competition here. My guess was for Gary Oldman, as he’s unrecognizable, but what about Daniel Day-Lewis in his last role before retirement? What about newcomers Timothée Chalamet as a gay character, or Daniel Kaluuya as a black man facing racism? The other veteran Denzel Washington perhaps? He was the best part of his movie… I’m happy Oldman won in the end.

Best Actress

Winner: Frances McDormand – Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri as Mildred Hayes

Equally difficult to predict. Well, except for Meryl Streep. There was no way she’d win. I thought Sally Hawkins would take it, as her character in Shape of Water has no spoken dialogue and instead relies on facial expression and body movement to convey emotion, but either way, I’m glad. Three Billboards was 2nd on my “top 10 list”.

Best Picture

Winner: The Shape of Water – Guillermo del Toro and J. Miles Dale

I predicted Three Billboards but should’ve guessed The Shape of Water. When you get nominated for 13 awards, doesn’t that kinda mean that overall, you’re the best? The Shape of Water was #3 on my “top 10 list”, but I’m not upset that Get Out didn’t win. I enjoyed del Toro’s speech, how he mentioned that genre films can be used to say something. I agree. I don’t think we’ll see the impact of this win in 2018, as sci-fi and fantasy films tend to have longer production times but who knows?

Minus the animated category, I was pleased with the winners this year. I realize the ceremony kinda doesn’t matter. It’s people in an industry congratulating each other, but in other ways, it does matter. Just as audiences were inspired by Wonder Woman and Black Panther, society as a whole is becoming more aware of the differences and subjects that should be celebrated thanks to films like Get Out, Coco, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri, Call Me by Your Name, Lady Bird, The Big Sick, and The Shape of Water. Nominations and wins for these movies mean they’re getting attention and therefore, making more money, which is one of the best ways to instigate change. It may not be coming as quickly as it should, but you can already feel attitudes shifting and Hollywood. You can care about the roles that women and minorities are playing in front of, and behind the camera. You can also get excited about the fact that superhero films are getting recognized as having artistic merit, or that horror films can be more than the Nth installment in an ever-escalating shower of gore and jump scares. Fair competitions (which for the most part, is what the 90th Academy Awards felt like) breeds quality product. That’s something we can all get excited about.

Two final comments. I found it a little weird that we got so many jokes about Tonya Harding. Wasn’t the point of that movie to understand her so that we wouldn’t be making those anymore? Two, A Wrinkle in Time was mentioned as a picture that’s showing a change in Hollywood… and I think it’s a little pre-emptive to say so. Let’s wait until the film opens and see critical reviews as well as box office results. If it sucks and then promptly tanks, I don’t see it as a defining moment in anything.

6 notes · View notes

impala-dreamer · 7 years ago

Text

Some Personal Junk...

And why I was so friggin' emotional all weekend. This is really just personal rambling, you can skip it... ;)

Two years ago I was drowning.

I have a good life. I’m married to my best friend who is amazing and supportive and loves me no matter what. He makes me laugh everyday. Does and says things just to see me smile. He’s amazing. I have two boys who are exceptional humans and so smart and handsome and talented and growing into awesome people. I have family close by, I have a home I love, a job that’s pretty sweet.

But within all that are lots of hard things, that I won’t get into, but they wore on me. I was beaten down, tired, losing my mind. And, slowly, I slipped into my own head and it wasn’t good in there. Still isn’t some days. I do/have(?) this thing where I have very vivid daydreams. I don’t really know how to explain it if you don’t experience it (in fact, I’ve only ever met one other person who does it too), but basically, I can get swept up in my head and will literally talk to people who aren’t there, act out scenarios, and at one point, I had an entire alternate life going on. And no, it wasn’t all peaches and cream over there either. There was a lot of angst too. It started to scare me, after a while, because I found myself heading there, not just right before I went to sleep as was usual, but whenever I was alone. Doing laundry, I would be there. Washing dishes, it was around me. Sitting quietly, crocheting, I was in it. It was becoming a lot. So, I decided to write one of the stories down. It became Crazy Love. And, with that, I realized I loved to write. Going back to writing was amazing and I started another story and another and another. And with that, I spent a little less time in my daydreams. It was good.

I don’t know why I turned on Supernatural the first time, but I did. And Bill and I watched the Pilot and half-way through I turned it off. I didn’t like it. Or, rather, it didn’t grab me enough to push me through the rest. So, we went about our business.

Things got really shitty again, and I couldn’t keep it together. And it was a lot outside the house too, issues with close friends who decided to become fuckers and try and ruin things. Anyway, I took it all inside myself and I was losing it. I started doing something occasionally that I found stopped me from crying; just pressing something sharp into my palm, mostly I used a paperclip. It helped. It kept me in the moment, let me focus enough to calm down. After a while it escalated into scratching hard with the edge, and then, a few times, and I’m not proud of this, I used a scissor when the paperclip wasn’t enough. It was getting bad.

Something made me turn Supernatural back on. Maybe I was done with a Lost rerun, maybe the cover art just grabbed me, but I did. And after I watched the pilot, I kept going. And going. It wasn’t truly until ‘Home’ that I realized I was in love. I spent night and day watching until I was done with everything on Netflix. Season 11 was still airing so I was stuck. I found a way to watch them online. I devoured everything. Then came the search for more. I found fanfiction.net and I went the fuck to town. I read everything. EVERYTHING. I fell in love with it all. I waited patiently for my favorite fic to update (I still go back to it, and it is my favorite ever. “Learning to Fly” by badasscompany) a thousand or so chapter Destiel Romance that I will never let go of. I started to write. I thought, writing helped before, let me try something with Dean and Sam. I posted on ff.net. Boy, people actually like this! Cool! I kept going. I stopped with the paperclips.

Then Misha joined Tumblr and I was like “What is this? I’ll go too!” And boy what a mistake. There’s so much more fanfic here and I like the format better! Hurray! Oh, I read everything. I remember first falling in love with Iwantthedean’s “Angeles” series. And then I found torn-and-frayed’s “STPB” and, that was it. I was officially hooked forever. Those two series brought me here and kept me here and I wrote and wrote and wrote. And here we are.

I’m not ashamed to say that my obsession with Supernatural is probably unhealthy. And it’s far from casual. It’s all inclusive. It’s all day, every day. I watch an episode before work every morning and then when I get home, at least one more. I listen to panels when I work out. I watch gag reels when I start feeling bad again. I surround myself with it because it helps. I live and breath it because I cling to it. I need it. I talk to Sam. Everyday. When I’m bored while cooking, I put on music and I do SNS and sing with Rob and Jensen. I really do. (Jensen and I do an amazing duet to Ed Sheeran’s “Thinking Out Loud” it’s awesome. lol) I’m in it. And yes, it’s insane.

But what else I’ve found are friends. Dear, true, honest friends. Sure, fictional characters have brought us together, but we stayed because we like each other. We stay because we can share things and be silly together, and laugh and cry together. These friends I have made because of this show are people that I will love forever. They know who they are, you probably know who most of them are, I’m not going to name everyone. Even the more casual friends I have made, mean so much to me. But there are a few, maybe four or five people, that I will call my friend for the rest of my life. I trust them, and I love them. I was so blessed to meet two of them this weekend and I will always remember the joy of finally being in the same room with them. I’m about to cry thinking about that.

I got very emotional at the convention. Mostly the entire time, but I kept it under wraps for most of it. But, during SNS, I broke down. Jensen came out and the amazement of hearing him sing was a bit too much for me. When they started playing ‘Brother’, I was done for. Him singing that in Vegas is a go-to video for me when I am at my lowest. I also hate it. Because in my mind, no one will ever sing that to me. No one will ever love me enough to want to say those things to me. But this weekend, it meant something else. It reminded me of the love I do have because of this show. It reminded me of the connections I have made, and the reason I was there, at that con, and had maxed out a credit card to be there. Because of friends. And because of this stupid show that has meant so much to me.

Everyone there was just… happy to be there. Happy to be part of something. The fans were a family, whether we talked to each other or not. This show brought us all together. A thousand people were crammed into a room over a television show. I’ve been to a hundred conventions over the years, I’ve been an active Whovian for a long while, but nothing compared to this. Nothing has ever touched me, and helped me, and moved me in the way that Supernatural and this Fandom have.

What’s the point of this? I don’t know. I think I just needed to explain myself to the people who saw me cry and panic and act a fool all weekend. I feel silly about it, but here we are.

So, am I unnaturally obsessed with Supernatural? Yes. Is it probably a bad thing? Yes. Will I stop? No. I can’t. I don’t want to. I won’t. And personally, I like the disease.

#personal #rambling #spn junk #con emotions explaination #still doesn't explain why I hated Jensen but whatever #lol #poor j

60 notes · View notes

lhs3020b · 8 years ago

Text

Some thoughts on ME:A

Okay, as we've probably all gathered, Mass Effect: Andromeda has come in for a lot of criticism on the Internet. And, frankly, some of it is downright-hysterical. I also have to say that I don't recognise the game I'm playing in a lot of the comments that I've seen elsewhere. And then there are the so-called fans who have been using criticism as a cover for personal attacks, libellous statements, weird allegations and all the other nutty and toxic behaviours that have come to be associated with gaming culture. (Seriously, how did it get this bad? It's almost like the armchair equivalent of football hooliganism. In fact, in a way, it's worse. I mean, at least hooligans actually have to physically turn up to the match and take the chance of getting arrested, y'know?)

However, crazy nonsense aside, I think there are some legitimate criticisms that can be made of ME:A.

To start off positively (I'm aiming for constructive criticism here, not psycho lunacy!), I'll note that so far, I've been pleasantly-surprised by the world-building and the storyline. I haven't found anything too objectionable in either. The world-building is making more sense than I expected, the science background feels like it's back to about the level it was in ME1 (science-fairy Scourge aside, of course) and the characters remain strong and detailed.

Also, I'm very glad that we finally have female krogan and salarians and turians.

I do have a few (very minor) remarks concerning what I've seen of the setting/plotline so far.

I'm maybe a little dubious about the idea of a billionaire being able to run their own private extragalactic exploration program - it feels a little bit like more of the Obligatory Kneejerk Billionaire Boosterism that infests late-stage capitalist culture - but OK, whatever. This particular meme is one I've learned to tune out, particularly in a space-exploration context. (No, I'm not going to touch that particular third rail, thank you.) Plus also there is a subversion of the trope in that the Initiative is basically a complete trainwreck - apparently no-one thought to plan on the (highly likely) possibility that conditions in Andromeda might be different to how they were when the light set out from it, 2.5 million years ago. (Granted they couldn't have predicted the Scourge, but not packing enough supplies was a schoolboy error. But it's exactly the sort of logistical fuck-up that big corporations make all the time, so it has a certain plausibility. If you have a hierarchical power structure where critics can expect to be fired, mistakes will be covered up and all decision-making will revolve around Working Toward The Leader, not around actually getting things right.)

I'll note also that I do find it strange that we were somehow completely unaware of this throughout Mass Effect 3, despite it being the year after the Initiative left the Milky Way - but perhaps Shepard wasn't following the news very closely in 2185, and she may not even have had access to it while under house arrest. (Certainly I recall avoiding the news terminals in ME2 as much as possible, because they got annoying after a while!)

As for the SAM/reprise-of-Synthesis thing, that was a little irritating, but I suppose by now we know that BW just can't seem to let that particular bone go. And at least it's not coming out of the left field during the last 10 minutes of the game, and also I don't think it's going to dominate the plotline too much either. So again, while this is a nag, it's a survivable one.

(As to where I am in the game? Ryder's currently getting freezer burns off the landscape on Voeld, so I don't know what happens beyond that point.)

I think my biggest criticisms, unfortunately, concern the game itself. By that I mean the mass of code that produces the experience on the screen. Because it is, unfortunately, clear that there are some deficiencies here.

First off, the animations. I'll note that they're nothing like as bad as the Internet had led me to expect. And, so far, I haven't seen anything too ludicrous. But, there have been several instances of characters gliding around like ice scaters - Cora in particular seems to get a lot of this - and a lot of the walks are less-than-fluid. Also there have been a fair few inexpressionless, rubbery faces. (I've been headcanoning this as a widespread trauma reaction amongst the survivors on board the Nexus - the "thousand-yard stare" and all that. Or perhaps being hastily-defrosted from cryo has also given a lot of people a bit of a botox effect.)

Also, remember that thing from the Omega DLC where Aria went spinning off to the side during her big speech? That's happened several times after exiting dialogue trees. (Cora, again, seems to suffer a lot with random side-spinning. I'm starting to wonder if something's bugged in her scripting.)

Then there are things like the bug I ran into last night, where the save-file sometimes corrupts itself if you save from within the Nomad. At the risk of being blunt, beta testing should have caught that one.

The jetpack ... well, it works better than I expected it to, and I think I have got used to it. However, if you're bad with heights, or if you get motion sickness, it is the kind of thing that will give you a nasty lurch in the stomach. (Full disclosure: I'm bad with heights. This has been an issue with the jetpack.)

The Nomad ... unfortunately, it's a bit too like the Mako. I've found it next to impossible to control. Also, does it even have any guns? If it does, they're something else I haven't learned how to use.

Then there's the issue of prettiness versus system requirements. I think it's fair to say that a point of diminishing returns has been passed here. My new machine is very highly specced - the sort of high spec that has a four-digit cost associated with it (yes, you did read that right!) - and I'm still seeing texture glitches, slow refreshes and glacial loading. Also, some of the pretty is counterproductive - the galaxy map is cluttered with swirly things, and could manage with less zooming in and zooming out. (Does anyone else feel a little motion sick in the galaxy map sometimes?)

Also, whilst I'm behind on what's normal for games these days, the sheer file size of it did seem a bit much. 55 GB? Really? (Remember the old days of PC!Halo, where the entire game was barely a single gig?) I have a 2 TB HDD, and one game alone is now nearly 3% of it.

Then there are the reminder pop-ups. I'm in the middle of a firefight; now is not the time to tell me that I have unused research data! (Also, where are the pop-ups for useful things, like how to reload? I don't recall seeing any.)

Lastly, the crafting system. It's a nice idea - custom-build guns, armour and so on. But, unfortunately, I just have not been able to wrap my head around it. I think I've vaguely figured out the basics, but I will admit to feeling lost whenever I go into that menu tree.

So I think my summary of all this is, the plot and setting are solid - hurray! And the characters seem sound, at least so far. But, the actual mechanics of the game itself are weaker. Hopefully the upcoming patch will address/ameliorate these issues.

#LHS analysis #ME:A #Mass Effect 4 #Andromeda #Probably spoilers of some sort?#An attempt at measured criticism #Likely none too successful but I do what I can!

6 notes · View notes

asseret-sarim · 8 years ago

Text

The past, the present... The future. -Part 4

Summary: In SHIELD you are known for your charisma and your irrational optimism. Specially taking in count the irreversible curse HYDRA condemned you with. Because of that, Director Fury has determinate that you are the best person to take care of Bucky’s mental state.

Chapter 4: Who are you?

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Y/N: Your name

Warnings: This part is pretty dark, you’ve been warned. Mentions of abuse, torture, human experiments and panic attacks.

Word count: 1,988

A/N: I got a bit carried away writing this. Specially the beginning and the end. Please, don't hate me! I really want to explore the reader’s backstory in detail. As always, I would love to have feedback, so don't doubt telling me what you think!

Previously: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3.

Previously:

“Who are you?” the voice rips me suddenly from my trance. It’s deep and menacing. I turn around slowly to face the man staring at me from across the room.

His figure is tall and strong. Pale moonlight drips along his face. His dark hair is messy and longer than I remembered, going down to his jaw, that is clenched and stubble. The moonlight reflects on his exposed left wrist made out of vibranium. But that’s not what gives him away. It’s his eyes.

I will never forget them, no mater how long I live. Those piercing blue eyes have haunted my nightmares countless times, and now, all of a sudden, they drag me back to my fourteen year old self, hiding in a corner, waiting for the monster to grab me.

It’s him. It’s the soldier.

>>Sentences in cursive and bold are flashbacks.<<

Y/N’s POV:

“Who is her, sir?”

“Who are you?”

“This, doctor, this. This is where you are going to test the serums on.” he smiled, running a hand through my arm, secured between two leather holds. “We have others, so don’t worry about the condition it is left in. We just thought it would be an excellent place to start.”

The doctor nodded. “That’s good. I think I will need more, I don’t expect this one to be left in a good condition, but this is an excellent place to start.”

The world is spinning. Past and present mix before my eyes and absorb me with a magnetic force.

“That’s great. I’m assigning The Soldier for this. If it gives problems, just tell him, he will know how to make it more willing to collaborate.”

“Yes, sir. But why is The Soldier going to take care of it, if I may ask? I thought he only took care of the most important missions.”

There is pressure on my chest. Does it come from the leather hold pinning me to the table?

“He only takes care of the most important missions. Let’s just say this is more personal than it looks like.”

“Oh! I see. Don’t worry, sir. She will be taken care of appropriately.”

I feel cold against my back. Is it metal or glass? I’m blind. A hand reaches over to me and grabs my arm. I try to twist away from the hold, but I can’t…

Suddenly, Natasha’s voice drags me out of my trance. “Y/N… Are you OK? Can you hear me?” The darkness slowly crawls away from my eyes. I can feel the glass now, hear the sounds of birds outside. And I can see Natasha, kneeling next to me, her hands in my shoulders and a worried look in her face. When she notices I’m back, she carries me to the couch and wraps me in a blanket. Clint comes from the kitchen with a steaming cup of some sort of infusion that he puts in my hands before siting down next to me. “It has calming proprieties.” he explains.

Nat wraps an arm around me. “FRIDAY warned us you were having a panic attack. What happened?”

“The-the… So-soldier.” I can’t to talk, and I can’t hold tears back either. I try to keep it as silent as possible.

Nat looks at me. “Bucky wasn’t here, Y/N.” She said softly “What really happened?”.

I can’t talk. I really can’t. If I open my mouth I will sob and then I won’t be able to keep my tears silent. But I know The Soldier was here. He was here. He asked me who I was. He threatened me.

Or…

“Maybe you were hallucinating.” Clint said “It wouldn’t be the first time. You also entered a trance when we visit that basement in Siberia where you had been kept for some time.”

I nod. That makes sense. Natasha looks at me with worry “I don’t think you should carry on with this mission if this is the effect he has on you”.

I think about her words for a second. Yes, I could call Fury and step back. Let someone else do the job. Go back to the security of the SHIELD headquarters. But that would be failing Fury, Steve, Tony… myself. Giving up would be selfish, I have to carry on. I can do this. I know I can.

Nat and Clint must see the determination in my eyes, because they don’t push me more. When I finish the infusion I start to feel tired, so Clint gives me a few reassuring words and Nat helps me get to my room and into bed. I’m out as soon as my head touches the pillow.

I wake up with a scream on my lips, but I bite it down before it comes out. I should have expected nightmares after last night. There’s no way I’m going back to sleep and the sun is already up in the sky, so why not get up? I take a fast shower and, remembering what Tony told me last night, I decide to go for regular clothes: black jeans, a dark T-Shirt and my military boots.

I find Steve and Sam in floor two. They are talking over a cup of coffee and turn around to greet me.

“What do you take for breakfast, Y/N?” Steve turns to the fridge.

“Toast. But I can make it myself, Steve, don’t worry.”

He refuses to hear a word about it, so I sit down next to Sam on the couch. “You look tired.” he observes.

“So do you. I have trouble sleeping.”

“Clint makes an amazing relaxing infusion. He says he learned it form his wife, Laura. It doesn’t matter who he learned it from, the thing is, it works amazing.”

“I know, I have tried it”

Steve sets a plate of toast and a mug of hot chocolate in the table. I thank him and start eating. “Do you have any plans for today?” he asks.

“Um… Not that I’m aware of. I have to do a few things this morning, but I’m sure I’ll be done with them before lunch.”

“I heard Tony is planning something for this afternoon.” Sam says, standing up. “If you don’t mind, I’m gonna go find out what it is”

“Y/N…” Steve starts once we are alone “I… I don’t know until what extreme are you aware of Bucky’s current situation.”

“Last time I heard something, he had lost the metal arm and was safe at T’Challa’s palace.”

“Yes. His arm has been replaced. We’re trying to take the trigger words out of his brain, but we aren’t making much of a progress.” he pauses for a second “As you know, he isn’t eating much. He’s also very, and I mean very, wary of touching people or being touched in general. Due to mind wiping, he has really strong migraines from time to time and has trouble remembering things sometimes. It really frustrates him.”

I nod. “OK. Thank you for telling me, Steve.” I rinse the dishes and put them in the dishwasher “I have something to do now, but I will go see Bucky after lunch.” I smile.

He smiles back and I leave the room.

Tony’s kingdom is between the machines and robots of floor three. Armed with a cup of coffee, I knock on the tinted glass door of his lab. Everything seems peaceful from the outside, but when he opens the door, the sonic wave of heavy metal blasting at full volume hits me and nearly sends me flying back.

“Kid!” Stark screams over the music but I can barely hear him. I cover my ears to protect the few hearing that’s left in me. Tony turns around and says something intelligible. Finally, the music stops and I feel deaf from the sudden lack of sound. Tony smiles and invites me in. “Sorry about that. sometimes I forget not everyone is used to my volume of music.”

“That was deafening, Tony!” I take my hands from my ears tentatively. “I listen to music really high, but your volume is straight up unhealthy!”

“I haven’t died yet” he replies, dead serious.

I give up. Bruce is siting on a chair, a pair of soundproof headphones around his neck. If he hasn’t been able to convince Tony, then no one will. I give the millionaire the cup of coffee I brought and make a mental note to bring one for Banner tomorrow. Stark drinks the liquid in a second and then thanks me before getting into his profesional costume.

“Sit on this table” Tony orders. I have done this test a gazillion times, but my heart still skips a beat every time someone says that. I jump onto the glass table while Stark gets his toys ready. “Ok, Simmons said I needed a blood and DNA sample and a body scanner. Let’s start with the blood and DNA.”

He approaches me with a needle. I sing softly to myself, looking at the ceiling. A very interesting ceiling, yes. Beautiful pattern…

“I’m done” Tony announces. “Are you scared of needles?”

“Something like that” I mumble. I have been particularly prone to flashbacks recently and I didn’t want to trigger one in front of the two men.

Tony starts passing the results to a computer and Bruce stands next to him and corrects him from behind.

“Kid…” Tony calls without taking his eyes from the computer. Apparently I’m stuck with that nickname “I was thinking… Do you want to go on a shopping trip?”

“With… you?”

Tony laughs “No, I know I’m not your first choice on fashion. Though I have to say, deeply inside, I have a fashion sense.”

Bruce chuckles “Very deeply inside.”

Tony keeps talking, ignoring him. Apparently all Avengers are going on a shopping trip this afternoon. Hurray?… This is dammed to end up bad… It’s going to be hilarious.

I jog downstairs while wrapping my hands for boxing. I have finished unpacking and still had an hour until lunch, so I decided to go to the training room and do some sport.

I’m singing to myself while I choose a song from my reproduction list. I open distractedly the door of the training room and my senses immediately shoot up. There’s something wrong. I slowly look up and my breath gets caught in my lungs.

The Soldier is training. It’s not an hallucination, this time is for real. He’s boxing, his fists hitting the bag unevenly, with a rhythm that is somewhat wild. I start to back away. He hasn’t noticed me. I silently turn around and make my way to the door.

“Hey, who are you?”

Oh, cruel destiny. How ironic you are.

“Eh.. I…. Eh… I’m n-new. Like… in the team. And…” my hand finds the doorknob “I… was l-leaving now…”

“You don’t have to leave just because I’m here. Came to box?” Damn it! “You can stay. Really.” he adds when he sees I’m still holding the doorknob. “What’s your name?”

“I’m.. Y/N” I watch his face carefully, but he doesn’t react to the name. Good, he doesn’t remember me. I make my unsteady way to the boxing space and choose the bag that is further apart from his. I’m shaking and he obviously notices it, but he doesn’t say a word and goes back to hitting the bag. A shiver runs down my spine. I put my headphones on, hoping music will drown my feelings, and start punching as well.

I don’t know how much time has passed when, suddenly, I feel someone behind me. Before I can react, a hand grabs my arm. All I want to do is scream and run away, but I hold terrified tears back as the Soldier corrects my position.

“You can't hit the bag like this, you’ll hurt your arm. Try this posture. It will be way easier.” he says, still griping my arm strongly.

I nod, my breath refusing to come out, my heartbeat in my fingertips. Can he feel it? He drops his arm. He’s still too close, too real.

“A-actually… It’s.. I really… I have to go” I say, turning around and trying not to run until I reach the door. Once out, I sprint to my room and lock myself in. Once I’m alone, tears make an appearance. This was the worst case scenario I could have chosen to meet him, seeing him in action, punching, even if it’s just a boxing bag.

I realize I’m about to enter a shock and ask FRIDAY to tell the team I won’t be joining them for lunch. Once I’m sure I will be left alone, I let my emotions flow freely, drowning me in an ocean of tears, letting them overpower me for the next hour.

Part 5

A big thank you to @beccaanne814-blog @annadier @lilasiannerd @obsessivegeekynerd @drinkfantasy @graysonmalfoy @scoobertdoobert2 @violentlyfarts @queenllamamama13 @agentraven007 @brutalwerewolf @isaxhorror @katundeadd @chrixa @i-am-mina @musichowler @panic-at-the-camisado @chipilerendi @thesalsafic @jennymagicalheart and all the amazing people that are with me in this adventure!

#bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky imagine #bucky fanfic #bucky fic #avengers #avengers imagine #avengers fanfiction #avengers fic #marvel #marvel imagine #marvel fanfiction #marvel fic #winter soldier #winter soldier imagine

178 notes · View notes

the-librarian-geek · 8 years ago

Photo

Asylum by Madeleine Roux

Synopsis:

For sixteen-year-old Dan Crawford, New Hampshire College Prep is more than a summer program—it’s a lifeline. An outcast at his high school, Dan is excited to finally make some friends in his last summer before college. But when he arrives at the program, Dan learns that his dorm for the summer used to be a sanatorium, more commonly known as an asylum. And not just any asylum—a last resort for the criminally insane. As Dan and his new friends, Abby and Jordan, explore the hidden recesses of their creepy summer home, they soon discover it’s no coincidence that the three of them ended up here. Because the asylum holds the key to a terrifying past. And there are some secrets that refuse to stay buried. (Synopsis taken from Goodreads.)

The review

This is me trying writing a book review, for the first time since junior high. So, I’ve read the first installment of the Asylum-series, Asylum, by Madeleine Roux. The book is written in the same writing style as Miss Peregrine, i.e the text is intercerpted with black and white pictures, and yeah, that prospect was one of the things that made me want to read this book in the first place. I loved how Miss Peregrine was written with the help of it’s pictures.

Photographs and setting

Asylum didn’t win me over because the pictures didn’t do anything for me, honestly. They didn’t help the story forward and they did absolutely not creating a suspenseful feeling, as was the purpose, i think, with the pictures in Miss Peregrine. The pictures in Asylum did often not portray what was happening in the book, instead they just were thrown in for good measure, (exception were some written notes, they were directly connected to the story). I don’t think the pictures were real/ authentic either like the ones in Miss Pergrines.

With that said, I otherwise really loved the atmosphere of the book, and mostly becuase the book took place at an old asylum! Thats so freaking awesome…the history…with everything that means. I love stories taking place at abandoned old places or places where horrible things once went down so a extra hurray for the setting of this book, even if the pictures didn’t do anything for me.

I also, almost instantly got the same feeling reading this book as when i watched a episode from the first season of Supernatural, wherein Sam and Dean got a really creepy ghost in form a doctor, at their hands. Loved it!

Plot

Plotwise, i atually enjoyed the book quite well. Even if I had a hard time to get into it first. It was too slow-paced for a while but when I, at last, got thorugh the slow first part, it was a fast and lovely read. And there actually were some plot-twists I aboslutely didn’t see coming.

The book had mysteries to be solved and it also gave the reader some creepy backstories about the asylum. I adore this very much, getting to know how things come to be – why is it haunted and so on. Not so much horror maybe more ghosts and excitements. And maybe a little bit of suspension – this mostly because I felt that the main character was a a little bit of an unreliable narrator really. ( He had mindgaps and didn’t remember certain things that occured in the story).

Characters

So, what should I say about the characters of the book? Like this, they didn’t feel their supposed age. Sometimes they felt older and sometimes so much younger than 16-17 year-olds. But this is a pet peeve of mine that bothers me always, even if the book is good so I don’t really care about it that much anymore. Also, the charcaters didn’t grow much, you didnt get to know them , not until the very end of the book and Ifeel like there are still many things to uncover. They were also written kind of cliché but I was invested in the mysteryplot so I didn’t really care about that either.

Romance?

The elephant in the room, the insta-thingy between Dan and Abby. Usuallly i hate this in books, but this time it kind of just sliped under the radar. Okey, it was kind of plainly described but I didn’t really saw them as anything but friends. For me it didn’t matter much because the characters were kind of bleak anyway so whatever they fell in looove because i wasn’t invested in that plotdevice, only the mystery part…

Lastly…

Ok. I have said that i liked the plot/mystery quite a lot and yes, because of it, the book was a compelling and easy read ghost story and im not ashamed of liking it. It was a fast read and i really liked it. Its my guilty pleasure. And I will read the rest of the books too. I need to know more about the mysteries that Dan & Co will encounter .(Heh, ive already sent after the rest of the books – i couldn’t find them at work so).

I’m sorry if this is kind of hard to follow, shit, bear with me. I promise my next review of any book is more consistent.

#asylum #madeleine roux #book review #books #booklr #book blog #young adult #ya horror #asylum series

23 notes · View notes

newagesispage · 3 years ago

Text

JUNE 2021

The Rib Page

Head out for the dates on the final tour of The Monkees that we still have left. Mike and Micky are saying bye bye, bye bye, bye bye.

*****

Days of our Lives has been renewed for 2 more seasons!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*****

The last CONAN will be on TBS on June 24. We’ll be waiting to see ya on HBO MAX.

*****

Condom sales are up 24%.** They are saying it is the start of slutty summer??**There are reports that STD’s are on the rise in certain counties.

*****

Hemp Hemp Hurray!- Tommy Chong

*****

An old species of a giant tortoise on the Galapagos was found. Tests match a tortoise not seen since 1906. Scientists are now looking for a mate for the female to revive the species.

*****

Black-ish will end after season 8** Ellen is calling it quits and will end her show next year.** Thursdays will be Wolf night. With the addition of Law and Order: For the defense, NBC will have an entire L&O night! A friend said, “It’s almost as if the shows are made to lull the elderly to sleep.” I see it every day with the elderly: Law and Order on all day as they nap.

*****

American Housewife and Rebel have been cancelled.

*****

Bill Maher tested positive for Covid as did most of the Yankees. They were fully vaccinated.** Gov. Newsom was in the Kimmel audience talking about the lottery in California for those who were vaccinated.

*****

Ewan McGregor was so WOW! as Halston!!

*****

Illinois may be getting about 110 new pot shops.

*****

Breeders got picked up for season 3.

*****

The Piglet, Nick Lachey won the 5th season of The Masked Singer.

*****

Can’t wait for Val, the doc about Val Kilmer.

*****

John Dickerson will leave 60 minutes and concentrate more on the Morning shows. He has been promoted to chief political analyst and senior national correspondent.

*****

In Texas there are more barriers to riding a motorcycle than wearing a gun. They seem to encourage people to have guns on them with no training and no license.

*****

Why do we still have to hear anything about Meghan McCain? She tries to shame Kamala Harris for her “long weekend” comment as she is out gambling and partying for the Memorial day weekend. What does that have to do with honoring the fallen?

*****

Bill Hader was given the Masters of Comedy award at the USC Comedy Fest.

*****

Cellmate secrets is coming to Lifetime on June 4 with host, Angie Harmon.

*****

JP Morgan Chase collected about 1.5 billion in overdraft fees in 2020.

*****

Wes Anderson’s The French Dispatch will come out on October 22. The film stars Bill Murray, Elisabeth Moss, Frances McDormand, Timothee Chalomet, Owen Wilson, Angelica Huston, Jeffrey Wright, Saorse Ronan, Tilda Swinton and Benecio del Toro.

*****

Billboard awards giving tribute to Pink as a “legend.” What? Nothing against Pink or any of the other people that are honored too young in the award shows but… really?? There are so many mature legends that get forgotten that deserve some love for their well lived talent. It seems way too obvious that they just want the promo of someone still quite popular for the ratings.

*****

Did ya know that St. Chad’s church in Shropshire has the real tombstone of the fake Ebeneezer Scrooge?

*****

Politics is war without bloodshed, war is politics with bloodshed. –Huey Newton** The Black Panthers had it right in so many ways. I would love to see buildings and programs again named in memory of the slain victims of police violence.

*****

Kroger paid its CEO $22mil, but can’t find the $ to give its essential workers hazard pay during a pandemic? Disgusting! –Robert Reich

*****

Ariana Grande married Dalton Gomez.

*****

25% of Americans think Trump is really President, 25% of Germans supported Hitler.

*****

People in this country have to be told not to put gasoline in baggies? India is begging for more vaccines and many in this country have to be bribed to get a shot to help themselves and their fellow man?? I love U America but there are some really selfish, stupid people here.** But, we also must remember that the poor may be a little fearful of the vaccine. Many cannot believe that they can get something for nothing. Free vaccine? Many hard working poor never get a break and have to wonder what the catch is.

*****

Days alert: Xander gets better and better. Thank you writers for his lines like when he spoke of birds of a feather as he was in an intimate moment, “Why not flock?”** Ken Corday said he was “on my knees, begging” for Days renewal. Jackee’ Harry (Paulina) and Robert Scott Johnson (Ben) have signed new contracts. Shatner congratulated them on Twitter.** Gwen and Xander both living in the old Horton house? Will he find out her secret? Oh my.. not them together??** EJ is on his way back and will be played by Dan Feuerrlegel on June 9.** Eric is on the way back. It looks like Jonny Dimera is all grown up and will join his sister. ** Word is that Paulina will live at 227. Chloe and Philip may get together yet.** Will a dead body wash up in Salem??

*****

So $10 billion for a Jeff Bezos space firm bailout?? Is that true??

*****

From 1980-1993, the Israeli government prohibited artists from using the colors of the Palestinian flag in their work.

*****

Chevron got into trouble for their pollution problems. Steven Donziger who helped take them down has been on house arrest for 2 years. Why? He is begging to be prosecuted.

*****

I am really routing for Naomi Osaka. Nobody should be forced to respond to ridiculous questions from reporters. I get that it is part of their job but if one is willing to pay the fine, who cares?? I can’t imagine being exhausted and putting up with the nonsense. It reminds me of running up to victims of a tragedy and getting in their face. We can communicate by social media now. I am all about writers but use your heads. Much like Marshawn Lynch, it is time to stand up!! Protect your mental health!!** Well, this updated just before June. Officials warned her that she would be expelled so she left the French open. She was honest about her anxiety. I see this every day. When will people be allowed to truly be themselves with no penalty?? I think this when I see a restaurant worker forced to wear a humiliating costume or a cashier with a giant name tag with ridiculous advertising slogans. Yes, a company or event is paying you so they should have their promotion but put yourself in their shoes. These are all varying degrees of the same problem. Why must we be pushed into the same lane all the time??

*****

It costs about 2 mil to remove 4 statues due to litigation and safety for the removers.

*****

Hooray for the Texas Dems who walked out to block the outrageous voting bill there. I mean, amongst other things, the GOP want to make it EASIER for a judge to throw out votes based on ALLEGATIONS. They say the removal of hours for Sunday voting was just a “mistake.” There is talk of not paying the Dems but I don’t think they can do that. The GOP claims there are hundreds of incidents of voter fraud and they will prove it when the time is right. Um…..

*****

Bruce Dern, Olivia Munn and Keith David will star in The Gateway.

*****

The complete story of the Gettysburg address is in post- production. Look for voice work from David Strathairn, Cary Elwes, Sam Elliott, Michael C. Hall, Dermot Mulroney, Keith David, Matthew Broderick, Lili Taylor, Victor Garber, Ed Asner, Jason Alexander and Lois Smith.

*****

Was anyone surprised when the Son of Sam doc on Netflix wound around to Manson? I guess it depends on the books that you have read.

*****

Oh Andrew Yang, I have become so disillusioned with you.

*****

A Colorado man charged with murdering his wife submitted her absentee ballot in the 2020 election. He thought, “other guys” were cheating so he would give Trump another vote. –Reid Wilson

*****

The commonwealth of Kentucky has never elected a black person to federal office. –Charles Booker

*****

Have ya seen Woke with LaMorne Morris and J.B. Smoove?

*****

M. Night Shyamalan is back with Old.

*****

The Friends had their reunion.** China cut about 6 minutes out of the broadcast.

*****

Matthew Modine is running for SAG President again with his running mate, Joely Fisher.

*****

Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction. –Blaise Pascal Pensees** Are you sick of hearing about the angry white men on shooting rampages. It is alarming how we always hear about how everyone knew of their anger or that they had been looked at before and just left to go on their merry way. C’mon law enforcement, stop picking on minorities and old women and concentrate on the real threat.

*****

Brendan Fraser, Matt Damon, Jon Hamm, David Harbour, Benecio del Toro, Ray Liotta, Don Cheadle and Kieran Culkin will star in No Sudden Move on July 1.

*****

Can’t wait for the release of the 3 LP vinyl collection, Jonathon Winters: Unearthed. Look for it on Record Store Day, June 12.

*****

Concerning Marjorie Taylor Greene’s abuse: “I used to work as a bartender. These are the kinds of people that I threw out of bars all the time.” : AOC** In answer to MTG’s Jewish star comparison, some have started wearing “not vaccinated” stars. What the fuck is wrong with people?

*****

Could Drew Barrymore and Dylan Farrow be related? They look so much alike.

*****

Jimmy Carter and Joe Biden got together with their wives and talked of old times. Much was made of the photo of that meeting that was released. The Biden’s looked like giants.

*****

Word is that Arizona congressman Andy Biggs was one of the main organizers of the insurrection. GOP Rep from Oregon, Mike Nearman, was caught on camera letting the culprits into the capitol on Jan. 6. TREASON! When will the wheels of justice get to them?** Newt Gingrich said of the Biden administration: They are “attacking people of traditional values,” by flying the “gay flag at American embassies.”** When will this latest religious fervor die down?** Word is that Tiffany Trump and Vanessa Trump had flings with secret service.

*****

Fuck you Trump, you left us on the battlefield bloody and alone. –Proud Boys leader Ethan Nordean. He explained that “We followed this guy’s lead and never questioned it.” I mean what kind of sheep are these guys? Can they not think for themselves?** There is talk that Trump’s justice department was spying on reporters. ** Hey Kimmel: Can you stop talking about Trump? Enough already!! And.. Reality is boring? What?

*****

On Trump: I imagine it is a chilling final turn of the plot. His world is coming to an end. He will never have another good day. Loser label will haunt him, the law will pursue him. Mental illness will hobble him. His properties will bankrupt him. –Peter Marks

*****

So, the terrorist GOP in the senate does not want Jan. 6 investigated. Of course they do not want to shine a light on their wrong doings. They say they love law enforcement and then they shit on them like this. The very people that were killed or injured trying to protect them mean nothing to them. ** Mitch McConnell thinks he can stop the full truth from coming out. He cannot. The House can empower a bipartisan select congressional committee to investigate the insurrection. The select committee would also have stronger subpoena power because GOP members can’t block subpoenas.

*****

Rand Paul is to medicine what Flashdance is to welding. – Rob Reiner

*****

“We birthed a nation from nothing, I mean, there was nothing here. I mean, yes, we have Native Americans but candidly there isn’t much Native American culture. It was born of the people who came here, pursuing religious liberty.” –Rick Santorum** CNN has dropped him as a political contributor.** Only a fuckboy scumbag could be this clueless and wrong. –Michael Ealy

*****

The latest sexual misconduct news: Danny Masterson will stand trial on 3 rape charges.** Bill Cosby was denied parole.

*****

Trump is ignored and irrelevant on pretty much every major social media venue. –Mia Farrow

*****

The George Floyd family came to the White House on the 1 year anniversary of his death.

*****

The Kennedy Center honors have been given and will air on June 6 on CBS. This year we honor Dick Van Dyke, Joan Baez, Midori, Garth Brooks and Debbie Allen.

*****

Since 2000, the wealth of billionaires has increased by 238%. – Robert Reich

*****

The moon, in its orbit is spiraling away from Earth by about the width of 2 fingers every year. –Neil deGrasse Tyson

*****

Why is everybody surprised about the UFO revelations? Of course there are UFO’s. Nobody is saying they are filled with space aliens. Another country could be testing them. There are always things we cannot explain.** We also can’t be surprised that the Q types fight the UFO stories. Once scientific voices of reason come into play, they turn away.

*****

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has announced their class: The early influence awards go to Kraftwerk, Charley Patton and Gil Scott- Heron. Music excellence goes to LL Cool J, Billy Preston and Randy Rhoads. The Ahmet Ertegun award goes to Clarence Avant. The Performers honored will be Tina Turner, Carole King, The Go-Go’s, Jay-Z, Foo Fighters and Todd Rundgren. The 36th annual show will take place on October 30th.

*****

We are all just rapidly decaying meat bags. – Mr. Griffin on AP Bio

*****

Scientists have developed the whitest white: Ba so4

*****

John Mulaney is back on stage with the stand up.

*****

Killers of the flower moon is finally being filmed. The Scorsese film stars Leo, DeNiro, Jesse Plemons and Lily Gladstone.

*****

2 out of every 3 people in the U.S. get their drinking water from rivers. Support American Rivers.org

*****

House Dems passed the pregnant workers fairness act. Employers with more than 15 employees and public sector employees must make reasonable accommodations for pregnant workers

*****

HBO has shown a first look at House of the Dragon, the prequel to Game of Thrones.

*****

Bridgerton is spinning off Queen Charlotte.

*****

Purple lipstick is a really hot item.

*****

Peoria and Scranton are the hub of getting an extra family. JB Smoove

*****

Yamiche Alcindor is the new moderator of Washington Week. I miss Robert Costa but if they had to move on, I had fingers crossed for Weijia Jang or Yamiche.** Costa went on Twitter for the first time since 2020 to congratulate her. I can’t wait for his book with Woodward!!!!!!!

*****

The firing squad is back in South Carolina.

*****

So, there is a worker shortage?? Perhaps if we made it easier to get hired, things would work better. Can owners and managers actually look at a person and go with their gut? Can we get rid of drug tests and long online applications and psych exams? The $ spent on administrative work for hiring is ruining this country. A normal person has to jump thru hoops just to wash dishes anymore. We are not ll cookie cutter people. Often there are no rewards for loyal employees, not to mention benefits. And the laziness of employers who will then not do anything about bad employees that disrupt the work place is astounding. C’mon, give people a chance and then hold them to account and reward the hard workers. Most everyone I know has these same complaints. Who wants to go thru that?

*****

Medina Spirit failed a drug test after the Kentucky Derby.** You know who doesn’t care about who wins the Kentucky Derby? The horses. It’s time to ban horse racing. -Larry Charles

*****

I’ve had a wonderful time, but tonight wasn’t it. –Groucho Marx

*****

If you don’t need a mask because God will protect you, why do you need a gun?- anonymous

*****

How shady is the GOP when it comes to these recounts to support the big lie? Taxpayer $ is being used for this and now there will have to be new voting machines. Since the auditors have mishandled the machines and insisted on passwords, Maricopa County will have to start over!! Can we keep reminding the public that this is costing us all a lot of $???** Even the majority of republicans say that the audits are keeping the base energized for the next election so mission accomplished

*****

Tulsa survivors spoke in front of congress as a reparations bill was introduced.

*****

Men who think they can decide for the women who carry the consequences of their ejaculations that life begins at conception, need to put their $ where their misogynist, hypocritical mouths are with laws that require instantaneous and permanent child support or shut the fuck up. –Bradley Whitford

*****

It is estimated that there are about 50 billion birds on the planet.

*****

Maggie Q, Samuel L. Jackson and Michael Keaton are bringing us The Protégé.

*****

There has been a ceasefire between Israel and Hamas after 10 days of fighting. Well done on the Middle East, Jared!!

*****

Andrea Mitchell, a hard ass working journalist seems to be slowing down.

*****

Legos has added some LGBTQ characters.

*****

Can we put Finn Wittrock and Leo in a film together?

*****

Check out the Traveling Diary Tour.

*****

Jamie Foxx has some mega product placement in the new, Dad stop embarrassing me!

*****

Brooklyn 99 will air 2 episodes a week in this final season.

*****

Three Doctors who treated Navalny are missing.

*****

Laverne Cox will be the new host of E!’s red carpet coverage. Giuliana Rancic has left.

*****

Look for the book Bull Twit … and whatnot from George Wallace.

*****

R.I.P. Vernon Jordon, Ed Ward, Tawny Kitaen, Olympia Dukakis, Bo, the Obama’s dog, the latest mass shooting and stabbing victims, Roger Hawkins, Paul Mooney, Shock 6, Eric Carle, Charles Grodin, Diamond Girl Taylor, John Davis, Kevin Clark , Jim Clendenen, B.J. Thomas, Buddy Van Horn and Norman Lloyd.

0 notes

sailorrrvenus · 6 years ago

Text

My Bad Experience with Drobo as a Wedding Photographer

I hate it when I see photographers writing articles like this. I always think, “why bother?… just let it go, this isn’t going to change anything.” But here I am anyway, tapping away to release some of this pent up anger. And I don’t expect this to change anything for me, but I sincerely hope it can stop at least one other person making the same mistake I did: buying a Drobo.

What really annoys me is that I actually read an article just like this, about 7 years ago, written by Scott Kelby. It was titled, “I’m done with Drobo.” And for the last 6 and a half years, I didn’t buy a Drobo – despite them looking pretty good on paper.

Having some sort of easy-to-access, long-term storage for the huge mass of files that full-time digital photographers create is a bit of a holy grail. I had been storing most of my archive on various individual hard drives but it was a bit cumbersome when I needed to dig out older files. I wanted something simple to use, reliable, and with a large storage capacity as a backup to my individual archived drives. So, in September last year, I finally succumbed and I bought a Drobo 5C.

I convinced myself it would be okay. All those earlier problems I’d read about were sure to have been ironed out by now, right? The newer drives were bound to be more reliable, right? And as a company, they were still going, so they can’t be that bad… right?

Wrong. So very wrong.

One of those summer weddings! They look happy don’t they. They’ve probably never used a Drobo.

Now, I’ll hold my hands up — I bought the Drobo at a really bad time. I’m a wedding photographer. It was September. That’s probably the busiest month of the year, at least in the UK. There’s still lots of weddings happening and you also have the backlog of the summer weddings still to edit and to be honest you barely have time to think, let alone set up a whole new storage system alongside your existing one. Pretty dumb of me.

So guess what? I didn’t set it up, I left it for a couple of months as I was so busy. By November time, things were quietening down a little and I ordered a couple of 6TB disks to go in the unit to start me off. I figured that by January it would be nice and quiet and I could have the system up and running for the next year.

The disks arrived, and at the end of November I excitedly started to follow the Drobo installation instructions. I did everything it told me to. I tried to insert the disks but one of them just wouldn’t go in happily. The little latch that keeps it in place just wouldn’t seem to click over the disk fully to secure it. But I’d never used one before and so I assumed that maybe some of them were a better fit than others. I persevered.

I tried to initialize the drive and it saw both of the disks I’d inserted, so I carried on. It seemed to be working, hurray! But then the disk that wouldn’t sit in the bay properly started going offline, and the Drobo would tell me there was an error, and it would take a day or two trying to rebuild. But during that time the disk would reappear again, throwing the Drobo into a state of confusion. After a frustrating few days, I gave up with it, deciding to come back to it once I’d finished my edits for the year, got my Christmas weddings out of the way, and done my 2018 “best of” post.

After all, shooting weddings, keeping active on the website and getting my work in front of potential clients was arguably more important than adding another drive to my back up situation. So, I shot some lovely weddings, Christmas came and went and then I put together my 2018 highlights post. I finally had some time free. I contacted Drobo support, as I was stuck for what to do — there seemed to be a hardware problem with the unit from new, so I assumed they’d replace it and I’d be on my merry way…

Yeah, no.

It took me two weeks of back and forth emails with their support for them to acknowledge the problem. Finally, they agreed for me to return the unit, despite the fact it had been faulty from the outset. They told me initially that I wasn’t eligible for an exchange, then they relented and informed me that the unit was covered by a standard warranty and that I should send it back to them for a replacement. Progress!

I’ve had faults with products before, it happens. I once had a memory card go bad and SanDisk arranged for it to be collected, then sent me a brand new one as a replacement. That’s customer service done well.

Drobo made me ship the item back to them. To Holland. It cost me £56 (~$73) just to post it back to them. I asked if that would be refunded and they said no. Great. Thanks.

Three weeks went by and I’d heard nothing. I checked the tracking to see if it had been delivered and it had, two and a half weeks earlier, on the 8th February. On the 21st of February, they were still claiming it hadn’t arrived. I sent them the tracking proof and suddenly I was told they had found it and would send out a replacement.

At this point, I had put in quite a bit of money, time, and effort in trying to get a functioning Drobo. But naively I was still hopeful that it would all end well. And so, a couple of weeks ago the new Drobo arrived. I fitted some brand new disks to it (just in case my previous ones had somehow caused the issue with the first unit). I powered it on. I waited for it to initialize. All the disks seemed to be working. The green lights were on, it was all looking good!

The Drobo 5C. Or as it’s affectionately known in my house, the Little Black Box of Doom.

And so, at last, I began to transfer my archive onto it. I did a few folders at first, to test it out. I came back to the desk a while later to find that the Drobo had disconnected itself and the file transfer had failed. I tried again, with fewer folders. The same thing happened. I emailed support yet again (I imagine some sort of warning klaxon goes off in their office now when an email from me arrives).

I had an email back from them. “Could I please use a different lead?” Well, no. I don’t have any other leads of the same type that the Drobo uses. They reassured me that it was likely to be a cable issue and after I asked them to, they sent me a new cable. A part of me was surprised that they didn’t ask me to buy one or at least pay for the postage.

The new lead arrived yesterday. I tried another transfer. It failed again. And this is where I sit. Looking at the shiny Drobo unit on my desk, with its fancy green lights, totally and utterly useless. I’m at a loss as to what to do next. I’ve asked for a refund, countless times. They have said no. I don’t know what to do now. Does anyone want a £360 ($340) doorstop, because I don’t think I can bear to look at it any longer…

P.S. In the interests of fairness I do know photographers who have Drobos and use them and have not had any problems. I’m not writing this because I think all Drobos are awful, but because, based on my experience, if you buy one and have problems with it then you won’t get much help. So this is a warning for any fellow photographers who might be considering it.

About the author: Sam Gibson is a professional wedding photographer based in the UK. The opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author. You can find more of Gibson’s work on his website, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. This article was also published here.

source https://petapixel.com/2019/03/21/my-bad-experience-with-drobo-as-a-wedding-photographer/

0 notes