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godstoryforme · 5 years ago

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Intro.

You may be wondering, what am I reading? Good question, because I'm still wondering this very thought as I type this. Here's what I got so far.

Why?I believe God has given me a beautiful story. He's given you one too! I believe He's written these stories for you and I not only for our own benefit, but to share with others. When God shows me something that resonates deeply, it's often hard to contain such powerful and liberating realisations to myself. His story for others has helped me countless times in my lowest moments, countless! But I wasn't always blessed with close brothers and sisters who would so willingly share bits of their lives with me. It's a burden of mine knowing that there are still people who don't have a community to journey with. My prayer is that people will experience God and be encouraged by these short stories of how God has personally spoken to me.

Who for? In short, if you're reading this, then I believe 100% this was written for you.

I remember before I became a Christian I was bothered by how confident Christians were in the realness of an invisible God. They literally sing songs and bow towards something I could not see. How do you even know something invisible (i.e. God) is real? I decided if I ever concluded that this faith is true, I need to be able to explain it to those who want to, but can't see that God is real. So a large part of sharing God's story for me is to share how Christianity has been revealed to me as the ultimate Truth, and the Truth that continues to change my life. This is written for those who are 1) curious about Christianity, but also 2) Christian brothers and sisters who might be encouraged by bits of how God has personally revealed Himself to me.

How?Over these four years, God has given me so much I do not deserve. It's like I've been given all this treasure that I cannot keep to myself. I'm going to be as honest as I can with this blog. As much as I sense God is challenging me to be. My prayer is that this will be real, it will be raw, and it will definitely expose some of my personal brokenness and need for God. Maan, it will for sure be uncomfortable for me at times. But if God places a burden in my heart to share something here, I pray that I will. So here I dedicate this blog to God, and I will write faithfully, fully trusting that if God wants to, He will use it to glorify His name.

But. I'm going to be honest.

I am so afraid.

Thoughts that come, "Why can't I just share with those around me? There's no need to make a whole blog about it, jeez. The whole world doesn't need to know.""Why do I think my story is so special? God can use other people to share His story for them too."

I have been thinking about doing something like this for aaaages. A few days ago, during exam season, my final exams as an undergraduate student. On Thursday, 7th November 2019, I started it. (Talk about the worse time to start a big project). I finally procrastinated so hard from exam studies and got to the point where I just couldn't get rid of these promptings in my head/heart, and gave in to create this blog.

The promptings didn't really go away though. (This is happening right now btw). I'm obsessed with this blog that has yet to be published. I keep getting excited about what I'd share first, then next, then I'd get nervous, then I'd get excited about designing the blog, then I'd worry about whether I'm using the best blogging platform...blah. So exam preps really aren't going too great. Oops.

I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't even feel like there's an extremely specific direction, story, or target audience God wants me to share with. I just feel this sense of need to share some of the precious things God has been showing me.

FYI, at this point, 4 days later, this blog is still not published 😅. (Obviously if you're reading this now, praise God for giving me the courage to not only publish this, but to share it with you). I have no idea who this blog will speak to, unsure of whether it'll just be another hobby that dies within a few weeks or days, unsure if people will appreciate/be encouraged by my sharing, unsure if I'm ready to be so real with my story by posting bits of it online, and unsure if anyone would even read this. But what I'm most fearful of...unsure if this is really what God wants me to do. Even while I wrestle with these thoughts I realised that fear has been a large part of any of my big decisions to step up and serve God. Whether it be leading a bible study, being a small group leader or starting a blog. Fear consumes me.

I'm afraid that I will make this blog about me. That these stories will somehow really become about me when it really was always about the author, God.

Wait. Haven't I just made all this about my fear anyways? So this fear is still about me then 🤦‍♀️.

But I decided to record this because today's message at church spoke to me. The passage was John 18:28 -19:16; teaching us how we should learn from Pontius Pilate's mistakes in crucifying Jesus. It was summarised like this, we must:

Own our conviction

Fear God more than we fear man, and

Put God's will before our personal agenda.

(Ha. It's like God knew exactly what I needed to hear 🙄)

Publishing this blog means to commit to all three with my whole heart. The uncertainties are still there. I still don't know 100%, but this persistent desire to share His story is too strong for me to ignore.

Maybe I've just got to step out in faith.

I've no idea if this will be on private, accessible only to a few or completely public. But if you're reading this right now. I do hope you can please keep me in prayer, I really hope you'll understand my heart behind why I'm doing this, and importantly, I hope you know that the very fact that you're reading these raw thoughts of mine right now means you are so special to me and to God.

I pray you will hear God's voice as you read these entries.

#reflections #thoughts #Jesus #bts #Christianity

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kiatastic · 7 years ago

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Winter: Declaration of Dependence

"…and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me, 'My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.'

Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."

Branches of encumbrance, insecurity and uncertainty hovered high over my head – stemming from giant trees of circumstance and plight. The sun was inconspicuously placed behind overcast clouds of grey and white. Hues of red, yellow and green that once bounced off the sun’s rays onto autumn leaves were now withering to a faded brown. Plummeting temperatures continued downward like a free fall not to strip me of comfort - but to teach me how to appreciate the Warmth that was present all along. On the coldest days of winter, my Warmth was found in 2 Corinthians 12:9.

In retrospect I know it was not by accident that I started my career in a role with the nature of drastic change every six months. A new job, manager, city, apartment, circle of friends, church, and hair stylist… an entire change of pace several times for two years straight. It was not a reminder - but a new lesson each rotation about why I did NOT have life figured out. Why I would be completely in over my head to think for a split second that I could accomplish anything lucrative within the small confinement of my own abilities. Why the very breath I exhaled was actually dependent on something – some One bigger than just the two lungs in my body. And so, each rotation was a declaration of dependence. John 15:5 is pretty clear:

“I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you're joined with me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant. Separated, you can't produce a thing.”

So, it was time to start from scratch. Again. The movers cleared out my apartment in Nowhere, Tennessee as I packed the few remaining valuables in the back of my Honda Accord. I made an 11-hour trek from Selmer, TN to Houston, TX for my second role as an Engineering IT Security Projects Leader. On day one of the job, that title seemed so daunting to me. How on earth was I supposed to lead a team of well-seasoned engineers when I was only seven months deep into my IT career? Though I knew very little on day one, I learned so much about IT security & risk, engineering, and finance during that rotation. It was trial by fire. Challenges at work lead me to prayer over and over again. I knew I needed Help to deliver the results expected of me. Life on my own continued to provide nothing but space and opportunity to get to know the Lord and trust Him for myself.

Before I knew it, it was time to submit preferences for my next role. For once I did not care what my responsibilities would be or what my title was. I had a serious case of home-sickness and (I thought) the cure was living in a city with a short, drive-able distance back to Atlanta. "Lord, I really have no idea where I'm supposed to go next", I said as I threw myself on my hand-me-down sofa. I needed His direction - and I wasn't hearing a word from Him. I asked God to clearly show me where He wanted me to go next.

Two days later, I shuffled into my cube at 8:06 A.M. I was greeted with an unusually titled email from my manager that read "Call me". I immediately went into instant-replay mode - thinking back to everything I could have possibly done wrong over the past several months. "Oh great, what did I do?" I loathed. My manager proceeded to ask me if I would consider moving to Paris for my next rotation. "Don't trip, Nakia. Surely she means Paris, TX" I said to myself. That is actually a city just a few hours from where I was living in Houston. As she kept talking, she quickly briefed me on applying for a Visa, brushing up on French and how many bags I was allowed to take on the plane. "Oh shoot. She's definitely asking me to move to France”, I thought in my head. In addition to talking to myself, I was also speaking with my manager and the Lord all at the same time. I said to Him, "Are you serious, God? Is this the answer to my prayer? I asked to go closer to home and you want to send me 4,000 miles further away?” I was in complete disbelief.

A few moments of silence passed. "So, what do you think?", my manager asked. After pulsing with a few people I trusted and reconsidering my prayer to the Lord for direction, I decided to go for it. I cannot tell you what God's audible voice sounds like – but I know beyond the shadow of the doubt that He speaks through prayer, people and situations (just to name a few). Proverbs 3:5 says to “trust in the Lord with all your heart. Never rely on what you think you know. Remember the Lord in everything you do, and He will show you the right way”. There’s a reason why the Lord does not give us every step of the path at once. By giving one direction at a time, we learn to trust and rely on Him. It’s the Lord, not your process that you need to trust.

As I prepared to move to France, I was required to take a two-week graduate level course on data science and analytics in Budapest, Hungary. As I entered the lecture hall on day one, a serious case of déjà vu hit me as I sat with my incredibly brilliant colleagues from around the globe. I have always had a bit of an inferiority complex. My confidence was easily threatened by anyone who even appeared smarter, more successful, or just all-around better than me. Once again, I was studying extra hours to keep up with the brainiacs in my class who complained that the material was not hard enough. For the life of me I could not understand why those students could not just take their "A’s" and have a seat. Whenever I felt that inferiority creeping up, I had to constantly remind myself what God's Word says about me. No, I may not know five programming languages. No, I may not have come from an ivy league school. However, I had to drill Truth into my heart until I believed it. I wrote reminders in the back of my notebook until I believed them: “I am more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus – His strength shines brightest in my weakness”.

One week of lectures, exams and assignments passed; we started our capstone projects and I was grouped with some of the smartest people in my class. My inferiority complex rose to an all-time high as I began initial conversations about the project with my team. Time passed and I continued to struggle with sharing my ideas. I knew my teammates were incredibly smart - but I grew very concerned we were not on the right track. Our Tableau dashboards seemed to have the most bells and whistles with no business value behind them. After all, I was in a group with very technical software engineers and developers. Could it have been possible that my business background was added to this group for a reason? At the time, I could not see it.

Days went by and I remained silent. When I finally mustered up the confidence to say something, we were already preparing for the final presentation. "What does this really tell us about the dataset?”, I inquired of my group leader. “I'm not sure I understand what story we're telling." After going back to the initial requirements, it did not take me long to convince my teammates we had deviated from the main objective of the entire project. "Now what?", a different teammate said in frustration. I felt guilty. Guilty that I allowed myself to remain silent when I knew I was withholding the value I had to offer to my team.

"We can fix this”, I said to my team. “We just need to revisit the hypotheses we're drawing based on our dataset." Suddenly, I had everyone's attention. I was stumbling over myself - sure of what the solution should be and somehow still uncertain as ever about my own ability to lead my team. I saw my business-oriented education as a weakness among computer scientists and engineers - but it ended up saving our group. In fact, the guy who initially led our group insisted that I lead our presentation. At the end of our demo on presentation day, I was sure my group nailed it. However, we were hit with all kinds of cynical, trick questions from the professors and CIOs once we concluded our presentation. I had just done an entire 360; from apprehensive to assured to downright afraid all over again.

My entire class of nearly 200 filed back into the lecture hall to hear the top performing groups announced. My heart sank to the pit of my stomach. "We had a lot of outstanding projects today", our professor said. “But one group went a step beyond all the others. They really had a strong correlation between their final solution and the business case. There was a true story behind the data they were showing us and there was a lot of relevance to the current state of our business". My eyes lit up - realizing those were some of the exact words I said to my group while explaining my initial concerns with our project. He called our group and asked each of us to stand. I was in complete disbelief - not because we won. I was expecting to win because I knew my teammates were smart. I was amazed because I never considered myself to be among them - nor capable of playing a key role in our success. Once again, the Lord taught me what His strength in my weakness really looked like. Before departing from the campus, I was asked to film a short segment on my experience in the Digital Technology Leadership Program.

Class ended and I was nothing short of elated. I was walking away from my third master's course with an A and an award for the best capstone project. Since our class was held in Budapest, my friend Rachel and I planned a vacation to visit Paris, Madrid and Barcelona. As excited as I was, I could not have picked a more inconvenient time to have my first experience abroad. I reached into my pocket after hearing a notification alert from my news app. The title read "Truck plows through French streets killing dozens". I was petrified. Not only was I off to vacation in France, but I had also just signed up to work in France per my manager’s request. Did I really just volunteer to live in a terrorists’ playground? As my vacation continued, at least one new attack was reported daily in Europe. The attacks ranged from bombings to shootings to stabbings on public trains. I was afraid everywhere I went - frantically jumping at the slightest brush against my shoulder on every European train, plane and sidewalk.

Before I boarded the plane for my layover in Germany, a shooting was in the news at a nearby German Mall. On my way to Barcelona, a fatal stabbing took place on a train in Paris. Before I arrived in Barcelona, an attack was reported. It was almost as if each stop on my trip was strategically arranged to shield me from the attacks happening every day. One day sooner or later and I could have found myself among any of the attacks I saw on the news. A few days into vacation, I tossed and turned repeatedly as I miserably failed to take a nap. "Lord, don't tell me you brought me out here in Europe to die”, I said in dramatic prayer. I finally made it overseas and found myself barely missing terrorists attacks everywhere. I didn't want to do any more touring. I didn't even want to fly home.

That afternoon, I tuned into a church service hosted virtually with my friend, Rachel. The scripture referenced by the pastor (Psalm 11) was a direct answer to prayer about my fear of the ISIS attacks:

I trust in the LORD, so why did you tell me to run and hide? Why did you say, “Fly like a bird to your mountain?” Like hunters, the wicked hide in the dark. They get their bows ready and aim their arrows. They shoot at good, honest people. What would good people do if the wicked destroyed all that is good? The LORD is in his holy temple. The LORD sits on his throne in heaven. He sees everything that happens. He watches people closely.

Through these scriptures and prayer, the Lord reminded me Who He is and that He had everything under control. His Word says to cast all your cares on Him – because He cares for you. There is no problem too big or small for Him to tend to. From that day on … I took each step in Europe like the Lord was walking in front, behind and on each side of me. The beautiful thing about that is, He was.

There's never a time where we need the Lord "now more than ever" - just times when we are more aware of our daily, desperate need for Him. Those situations are necessary to remind us Who we are dependent on. When the God calls you to do something, it will be God-sized. He will never ask you to do something you can achieve with your own abilities, resources, or strength – because it will teach you nothing about who He is. I have learned that I must depend on Him.

Earlier this week, I was awaken from a pretty dramatic dream. I was hosting a few friends over celebrating the New Year when I glanced out the window and noticed two small fires burning on my patio. I had a decision to make: call 911 or try to put out the fires myself. After convincing myself it would take ten minutes before any fire fighters would arrive, I grabbed my brother and went to work. We started running back and forth from my kitchen to my patio with buckets of water - trying to put the fires out ourselves. After all, the fires were small. As soon as we finished putting the fires out, we turned around and noticed more fires growing. Instead of calling for help, we found ourselves exhausted and frantic - trying to do something we could not do on our own.

I believe that even if I was successful trying to do everything myself, I would be exhausted and burned out all the time. I am so glad Jesus offers a better solution. Here’s what His invitation to you says:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30

A yoke is a wooden beam that is normally used between two animals. It allows them to distribute the load while working as a pair. Imagine Jesus walking beside you – interlocked in a yoke with you and helping you carry your load. Though the burden was never supposed to be His, He helps us because He loves us. When we pray, read His Word and spend time in His presence, we create room for Christ to uplift us. Whatever load you may be carrying today, know that God never requires you to carry it alone. When you commit your plans to Him, you cannot lose. Declare your dependence on Christ in all you do. Though your strength may seem invisible, you will be made invincible through Him.

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travelingtheusa · 5 years ago

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NEW YORK

14 Nov 2019 (Thu) – I was invited to participate in the Veteran’s Day ceremony on November 11th with the American Legion post. We went to two sites to perform a formal ceremony then held a public ceremony at the Veterans Park next to town hall. About 50 people showed up; mostly veterans. There was a young man from the high school who sang the National Anthem that had the most beautiful, angelic voice. After the ceremony, everyone was invited to the Post for hot dogs and hamburgers.

On Wednesday, November 13th, members of the Post were invited to the local schools. First, we went to the high school and participated in a panel. We each described our service experience but ran out of time for questions from the kids. The students all came in with jackets and back packs which made me think they were getting off the bus and immediately directed to the auditorium.

After an hour at the high school, we went to the Maud Sherwood elementary school. We were directed to the end of a long hallway while the students (grades 2 through 5) lined up along the walls. Then we walked down the hall with the kids clapping, waving flags, and giving us high fives. I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. It was great! We had a continental breakfast (courtesy of the PTA), then we split up into groups of three (there were nine of us there), and we went into 5th grade classrooms to talk with the kids. They had prepared questions followed by freewheeling questions. Some were very insightful. The day was quite delightful.

Following the school, I went directly to Toast Coffeehouse in Patchogue to meet my sister, Susan, for lunch. The food in that place is awesome! We had a very pleasant visit and said our goodbyes. She invited me to stay with her when I come back to New York for a checkup.

At 6:00 p.m., we had Miranda, Kenny, and Caiden come over for a Thanksgiving dinner. Since we won’t be here on Thanksgiving Day, we took an opportunity to celebrate together early. The food and company were all very nice. Caiden is such a delightful little boy.

Today, I had a visit with the oncologist. I took a CT scan on Tuesday and this visit was to find out the results. It was great news! Many of the lymph nodes are half their size now. I am responding beautifully to the chemotherapy. The nurse did a nose swab because I said I thought I had something brewing. They wanted to make sure I don’t have the flu or pneumonia. The doctor then gave me three months before coming back for a checkup. Woohoo!!! We are cleared to hit the road!

9 Nov 2019 (Sat) – We took Caiden and a friend to an amusement area today. We wanted to take him to BounceU in Nesconset but when we arrived, they had birthday parties going on and no open play. So we drove another half hour to Huntington only to discover we were in the wrong town. After a total of about an hour’s driving time with two very impatient six years olds in the back seat, we arrived at @Play Adventures in Farmingdale. It was a delightful afternoon for the boys – three hours of bounces, rides, and games. Afterward, we stopped at McDonald’s for lunch. The boys had a great time.

Miranda’s best friend’s grandmother passed away. She had the funeral and lunch this morning (hence, we were watching Caiden). Later, she went back to the house for a memorial dinner with the family. I went back into the house to watch Caiden until she and Kenny got back home.

Yesterday, we went shopping at Kohl’s. They were advertising 30% discount for veterans. We spent too much money and it turned out that some items were not eligible for the discount. Apparently, the manufacturer tells the store they can’t discount their products. Somehow, that seems dishonest. Kohl’s advertises taking the discount but then doesn’t do it. We bought a new toaster oven with 11 functions (will I really ever use all of them?) that was advertised at $249.99. The clerk rang it up at $349.99 at the register. We had to go to customer service for the correction and it turned out we bought the Pro, with was $100 more. AND there was no 30% discount on it!!

6 November 2019 (Wed – Paul’s Birthday) – It’s been a busy week. We saw a lawyer to have our wills updated. She gave us homework to do – lol. It is hard to decide who your health care proxy and power of attorney should be. Doing a will is an eye-opening event. It makes you face your mortality. Ugh.

The American Legion post hosted their annual Law & Order dinner. They honored firemen, two harbormasters, and a police officer who pulled a car off the train tracks minutes before a train rolled through. One of the firemen was honored for 70 years of service as a volunteer fire fighter with Islip. It turned out that he was Paul’s cousin! He knew Paul’s mother in high school and served with Paul’s grandfather in the department (his grandfather was a fire chief). We exchanged information and promised to look each other up this winter when we are down in Florida.

I took my laptop to Best Buy for tweaking. The tech did not find any viruses. I saw a gastroenterologist on Monday and had a mammogram on Wednesday. I took Paul to the Irish Coffee Pub for his birthday. They make the very best potato soup anywhere.

31 October 2019 (Thu - HALLOWEEN) – I had lunch with my daughter, Gina, on Tuesday. We went to a place called Tula’s Kitchen. It’s one of those very eclectic health food restaurants that are popping up all over the country. The food was quite good. On Wednesday, I had lunch with my sister, Susan. We went to another eclectic place called Tiger Lily. Again, the food was very good.

We had Angel Fence Company come by and we signed a contract for a fence installation along the back of the property. This it to replace the fence that was damaged during the thunderstorm that rolled through in August. I sent the estimate to USAA and they already paid off on it – BEFORE we had the work done. I sent a note reminding them it was an estimate and it could wind up costing more depending on what they find when they do the actual installation.

I spent over two and half hours on the phone in the last two days with Carbonite. It is a cloud storage service where they back up our computer to the cloud. When my computer was reset, we lost the program. It would not reinstall properly and I had to get techs to work on the problem. Apparently, it wasn’t such an easy fix but they finally got it done.

Today, Paul and I went to the movies to see “The Current Wars.” It was about the competition among Nikola Tesla, George Westinghouse, and Thomas Edison. The movie was very interesting and we would highly recommend it.

27 October 2019 (Sun) – It was a busy week. I watched Lincoln two days this week so Sam could get some extra time in at work. He is such a pleasant baby. Always smiling. Travis started his new job on Wednesday. Hope it goes well for him. Also on Wednesday, we went to the ophthalmologist for eye exams. Paul and I both tested out at 20/25. The doctor saw some pressure behind my left eye and wants me back in six months. I’ll see if I can align an appointment with a Sloan Kettering checkup down the road.

We went to dinner at a Chinese restaurant with friends from the American Legion on Wednesday. Then we went to dinner at Carrabba’s on Friday with my brother, Dennis, and his lady, Denise. We had planned to meet them at their apartment before going to dinner but the plans changed. Dennis & Denise recently moved into their new place and we still want to see it.

We took Travis and the family to a pumpkin farm yesterday. It was a small farm but not very busy considering this is the last weekend before Halloween. They had a play area with bouncy houses and lots of pumpkins to choose from. There was also a hay ride and a pony taking kids for a ride.

We went to church this morning. It was laity Sunday so the service was run by the lay leader. Several of us took part in the service doing readings and leading prayer. I gave a five minute sermon. It was a nice service.

21 October 2019 (Mon) – I went to the audiologist at the Northport VA on the 18th. The doctor found a mild hearing loss in my right ear and a moderate hearing loss in my left ear. She said it was unusual to have a greater loss in one ear over the other and that I needed to see a doctor to be sure there was not a medical reason for the difference. She offered to make an appointment at the VA but said I probably wouldn’t get an appointment for two or three months. We agreed that I would go to a civilian doctor because I could get an appointment sooner. In the meantime, she would order one hearing aid for my left ear (she said I don’t need one for the right ear). She also gave me information to download an app for the hearing aid onto my iPhone.

I saw a civilian audiologist yesterday. He insisted on giving me another hearing test. The results were more symmetrical and he cleared me for the hearing aid. He suggested I get aids for both ears; the VA doctor refuses to do that. If I bought the hearing aids at the civilian audiology office, it would cost me $6,000. Actually, $3,000. My insurance would pay $3,000 toward the cost. If I got the hearing aids at the VA, it will cost me nothing. Guess what I’m doing?

Miranda and Kenny went to Philly for the weekend and we watched Caiden. We took him to Rise of the Jack O’Lanterns at Old Westbury Gardens on Friday. They carve 5,000 pumpkins every week for six weeks. Visitors walk down a trail lined with thousands of pumpkins on display along the walkway. Several pumpkins had projections that had them singing Halloween songs. The craftsmanship was simply amazing!

On Saturday, we went over to the American Legion Hall where we met Samantha and her mother, Sharon. Together, we set up tables and arranged everything for Lincoln’s baptism party the next day. On Sunday, Lincoln Alexander Thomas was baptized. Afterward, we enjoyed a party at the legion hall. Lincoln was SO good. He smiled and laughed all day and then just quietly went to sleep in my arms. Not one little tear or fuss escaped him all day.

16 October 2019 (Weds) – Another visit to the doctor brought mixed results. The bloodwork continues to show a decrease in the cancer cells. However, I am having some adverse effects from the chemo. I have a rash on my leg and a drying out of my fingertips. Neuropathy and cellulitis are common side effects. The doctor told me to stop the Imbruvica for 3 days. If the rash hasn’t improved, stay off the medication for 5 days. If there is still no improvement, I have to go back and have him treat me topically. I’ve been doing so well that I find this to be something of a disappointment. The rash has been getting better so that keeps me hopeful.

My birthday was on Monday (October 14) and Paul took me to the Texas Roadhouse for dinner. I took a picture with a margarita at an angle that made the drink look very large. We have kind of developed a reputation with the margaritas and now find we have to post pictures of these drinks. It’s kind of funny.

We are still waiting for the guy behind us to take down two trees that threaten our property. Three fence companies have given us quotes for a new fence but we won’t do anything until those trees are taken down. A good windstorm will blow them down and damage the new fence. We’ll have to go over there for a third time to ask them to take down those trees. I don’t want to get into sending registered letters threatening legal action like the insurance company is suggesting we do. Paul thinks the neighbor just can’t afford to pay for a tree removal. Hmmmm, what to do. What to do?

13 October 2019 (Sun) - We took Caiden to church with us today. Afterward, Paul worked with a crew to take apart a piano that needed to be thrown out. Jan has been advertising the piano for free to anyone but no one has claimed it so it was time to just throw it out. Caiden and I played in the nursery area until they were finished.

It was not a good day for me. I woke feeling exhausted and nauseous. At 3:00 p.m., Paul spelled me for an hour and I took a nap. That was probably one of the best naps I have ever had. I really needed that! After I woke, I made dinner then took Caiden into the house and gave him a bath.

On Friday, we went to an optometrist for eye exams. I got annoyed with the whole thing. The doctor was pushy and it seemed like his equipment was rigged so he could do more tests. You cover one eye, stare at a red spot, and click a switch every time you see a green light. Everything went fine with the left eye covered. But when he covered my right eye, I couldn’t really see the red spot. It was faded and disappeared a lot so I just looked around and clicked on the green lights. When the doctor came back to the room, I said he couldn’t trust the test because I couldn’t see the red light. He told me not to worry about it. That didn’t seem right at all. When I checked with Paul about his test, he had the same experience. We said we would wait on glasses and left. We won’t go back to him. I made an appointment with an ophthalmologist.

10 October 2019 (Thu) – Paul got the heater fixed. That’s good because the weather has been cool – in the 40s at night.

I had an appointment at the VA today. It is basically a perfunctory checkup. The doctor knows I am being treated at Sloan Kettering and really just want a backup with the VA in the event I have trouble getting my medication. She is a very pleasant doctor and completely understands my motivations. She did make an appointment for me to see someone in dermatology. I have a small spot on my bottom lip that I thought was chapped lips. But it has been there a couple of months and now has started to change color. My sister was just diagnosed with skin cancer and that made me think I should probably get my lip checked out.

After the VA, I met my sister, Susan, and her daughter, Shay, for lunch at Tula Kitchen. It is an eclectic restaurant with vegetarian dishes that are very different. Susan, her husband, Bill, Shay and her boyfriend, Pat, just returned from a trip to Scandinavia. Susan’s friend, Ronnie, passed away and left Susan and Bill to handle his affairs. Ronnie’s body was cremated and they took the ashes to Sweden where Ronnie was born. After Sweden, they went to Norway and Iceland. It was a great trip.

Travis lost his job. He has had such rotten luck with work. Hope he finds a new one quickly. They are in the middle of having their mortgage modified and this will certainly have an impact. Lincoln will be baptized on October 20. I coordinated with the American Legion Post to have a party there after the christening. The commander initially told me I had to pay $300. When I told him commanders (past and present) were allowed one free rental a year and a second at half price when I was commander, he relented and will let us use the hall at no charge. That was very nice of him. We coordinated times to open the building.

8 October 2019 (Tue) – We took Caiden to church with us on Sunday. It was a pretty busy day with him. His father worked from 10 a.m. to 10:30 p.m. I gave Caiden his bath, read his books, and sang some songs. He didn’t want to eat steak for dinner. When I told him that was it for the night. He didn’t have to eat it but there wouldn’t be anything else. We then went about eating and quietly watched while he ate his steak and a piece of potato. It was amusing to watch the quiet surrender.

Kenny was home on Monday so we did not watch Caiden but we did have them come in for dinner. We had burgers, fries, and corn. Caiden ate about half his burger, some fries, and made a token effort at the corn then was done. I gave him chocolate ice cream for dessert. That sure pumped him up! The sugar rush kept him running back and forth for an hour.

Today, Kenny worked from 10 to 4. Paul and I ran some errands. I picked Kenny up at 4:15 and Paul got Caiden from the bus. At 5 p.m., Paul and I went down to the church to help clean up after the yard sale. There were several pieces of furniture (desks, dressers, couches, loveseats) left over that we had to break up and put in the dumpster. Several of us turned out for the job and it took just over an hour to get it all done.

5 October 2019 (Sat) – We returned to New York on September 30 from the SMART National Muster in Urbanna, VA. We stopped two nights in Washington, D.C. staying on Joint Base Andrews AFB. The campground certainly could use some TLC. Everything is run down and looking worn. It seems weird that they would let it look like that since the President’s plane is kept there. You’d think since it was a flagship airfield that they would keep it up better. Paul thinks the only reason Andrews AFB is kept open is because it’s close to D.C.

Well, I goofed big time. I was trying to update our travel journal and I got an error message from the computer. I inadvertently clicked on a RESET button and the computer reset itself back to its default mode. All the programs and apps that we have loaded on the computer since we bought it six years ago were wiped off. The version of Word that I have using (Word 2010) was removed and a docx file replaced it. That updated version would not open the older version. Ugh. Poor Paul has spent hours reloading all those lost programs. At least when the computer reset itself, it made a list of all those programs that were removed. There is a list to follow in reestablishing the programs.

Miranda is in Maine this week. We have been driving Kenny back and forth to work and watching Caiden in between work and school. He is a very energetic little boy!

The church had a yard sale yesterday. The weather was beautiful and there were yard sales all over town. I drove down Brook Street (a small back street that cuts between two main roads) and there were four yard sales on that street alone. It was a long day. We went down to the church at 8 am and helped set up, then helped with the fair all day until it ended at 3 pm. I picked Caiden up at noon and he enjoyed visiting at the fair. At the end of the fair, all the stuff that didn’t sell went into the dumpster. It was awful! We were throwing new or barely used items away – CDs, DVDs, glassware, toys, games, electronics, furniture, everything! It all went into the garbage. It sure seemed like all that stuff could have gone somewhere. Oh, well.

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