#final drivers test(yes I’m 20 and my ass can’t drive legally)

[stoneworldsimp]

the dying poet

senku x reader

warnings: angst, mentions of food/water deprivation, swearing

day seven.

fuck, fuck, FUCK!

it felt like you had been running for hours, trying to shake this wild animal off. you made sharp turns behind large bushes in hopes of losing it, you’d hold as still as possible behind large roots on the ground, but the animal kept finding you in one way or another.

“please go away,”you panted. “c’mon. you’ve been chasing me fucking forever, can’t you just give up?!”

you were tired; your legs were about to buckle in on themselves. dinner one night was suddenly ruined when you realized the fucker was watching you eat. in the beginning you thought it was only after your food, not you; you threw a random ration away from your camp in hopes to get it away from you. in hindsight, it only worked until you fell asleep.

you were lucky to wake up the next morning alive; your set up had been ripped to shreds, and footprints were on the ground around your body. it was painstakingly slow and nerve wracking to escape your position, but once you had everything you absolutely needed, you booked it.

sprinting for miles after miles proved to be very difficult for quite some time now.

the phone...it’s weighing me down. my bag of food isn’t even half as heavy as the phone.

looking down at the call button in your hand, you thought about tossing the phone. maybe i can fix it.. no, i don’t have any tools, the fucking animal chewed on them like dog bones. is there any way to put the wire back together...?

“FUCK my life!”

you took the phone off your back and threw it to you left, careful not to trip yourself in the process. immediately, you and your body felt the difference. with your new found energy, the run away was becoming easier, and helped you see a large cave just over the horizon. using the last of your energy, you took as large of steps as you can, and practically threw your body into the cave. the animal’s footsteps were nowhere to be heard, but you figured you didn’t want to take any chances and look behind you. you were finally breaking free from being chased, just a little deeper into this cave, and if i can find specific markings then i can backtrack—

a deep, loud rumble took you away from your thoughts. in no time, you were engulfed in dust and thick particles you didn’t know of.

the caved had closed in.

day one.

“i can do it.”

“are you sure? its a pretty perilous trip—“

“you should at least bring one other person with you—“

you sighed, exasperated that you had to defend your case once again. it had been days since the decision was made; you were going to make a trip to another part of the island in hopes to find extremely specific materials for one of senku’s projects... and it was far, far away.

quite frankly, you were the only one fit for the adventure. you were known to travel well on foot, had an exceptional sense of direction and you had a good eye for natural elements, as well as food; you also were unintentionally the least helpful when staying in the village. you didn’t have the crafting skills to successfully make glass or metal components for his experiments, and you never trusted your brain when helping senku with calculations and blueprints.

hearing senku and gen talk about this long trip to another part of the island was almost a dream come true. it was perfect for someone with your skillset, and kept you from being in the way of everybody else.

“it’ll be fine. c’mon, you guys have SOME faith in our traveler, right?”

you turned around, a smile on your face as you caught senku walking out of his lab. thank you, you mouthed.

once senku reached you and the group of villagers crowding near you, he spoke up again. “this trip is a straight shot from the bridge, the only problem would be that it’s going to take some time. possibly a month just to get there. but you,” he turned to face you,”have excellent outdoorsy-type skills that will make it really easy for you to spot what we need right away. everyone needs to stop worrying, because you’ll be there and back in no time. two months will pass like nothing.”

as the rest of the group walked away, mumbling their skepticisms, senku took your hand and tugged you back to the lab.

“what’re you taking me here for? oh wait,”you planted your feet at the front of the lab curtains, keeping the both of you from entering. “are you making me help you with your math again? because—”

“no, you’re pretty terrible at calculations,”he replied. “i have something for you.”

you puffed out your cheeks in embarrassment, but your expression completely changed once the curtain was opened.

on the table, there was a telephone. if was the size of a backpack, but it still had a speaker, a microphone, and a call button.

“i made it for you to take on the trip, in case you have any emergencies. i fully trust you in your own survival skills, but you never know if something extreme happens.”

you gave his hand a squeeze before letting go. as you walked closer to the table, you touched the outer fabric. you turned back to senku. “thank you.”

“you don’t have to thank me. i’m only making something that’s essential to your travels.”

“even still,” you trailed off. “i appreciate it.”

you turned back around and beamed at senku. “i’m not going to call you until i get there. i want to make sure that no enemies try to tail me if they hear me, as much as i’d want to give in right away and hear your voice. something like that...”

“how corny.” senku smiled and pulled you close while you laughed. you jumped a bit when his hands made their way around your waist.

“a bit touchy today,” you asked, grabbing hold of his shoulders. “but i’m not complaining.”

“i’m stockpiling the feeling of you for the weeks to come. we’ve never spent this much time apart before; it’s only logical.”

“i guess you’re right.”

he kissed you, multiple times; each one was deeper than the last.

day eleven.

he brought me a flower every morning, because i always slept in later than him. he’d wake up at the asscrack of dawn, just to have more time to jot ideas down. i used to try and pull him back to sleep with me, but he was so overflowing with plans, i didn’t want to stop him.

you turned on your side.

i remember he went to explore with chrome really early one morning, and apparently they found some huge meadow with a bunch of plants. ever since then, he would bring me a different kind; it was always a single flower, too. they were different colors and shapes, and some were enormous and some were smaller than my finger. he never woke me up for it, though. he would just leave it for me when i woke up on my own. it was always a surprise, almost startling when i’d open my eyes. it was my own pick-me-up for the day, in a sense.. no matter what happened the night before, waking up to a new type of flower would put me in a good mood every time. it was better than a coffee in the morning.

i wonder if he’s looking at the flowers with chrome everyday while i’m gone. man, i still wake up hoping to see a new one in front of me.

sure, reminiscing was fun and felt good, but what’s the point? you had eaten all of your food approximately two days ago, you only had about a teaspoon of water left, and there was no getting out of there. the way you came in had been covered in a dam of rocks. you couldn’t even dig yourself out.

you furiously wiped the tears that fell from your eyes. “senku...why did i think i could go alone?”

day fifteen.

poke, poke—

something was touching you. no, someone was touching you. your head bobbed side to side, in an attempt to shake them off.

damn, that’s persistent.

opening your eyes, you woke up to senku smiling. he was knelt beside your form. “wake up, sleeping beauty! it’s been almost three hours.”

it’s only been three hours?!

you sat up way too fast, and felt lightheaded as you tried to ask,”but...why didn’t you.. wake me up earlier? did everybody...did everyone eat already?”

he laughed. “yeah, sorry. we all thought you were out doing something with chrome. but,” he turned around, to grab something behind him,”i saved some in case you got hungry when you came back.”

you took the food in a dizzy haze. was it even food? you didn’t care too much, it felt like you hadn’t eaten for a long time. any food at this point was good food.

you couldn’t even swallow the first bite. “do you- is there..any water?”

“what?” senku pulled away from you, a look of disbelief painted across his face. it was clear as day.

you hesitated, feeling more lightheaded than before. “w- water?”

“don’t you remember?” he asked. he turned away from you. “there hasn’t been any water in days.”

it’s been days.

your body jolted from its spot, and harsh reality hit you square in the face.

yes, right. you shakily rubbed your eyes to make sure they weren’t cemented shut.

in the cave, finished your food, no water to be found. making yourself walk around was no use, either; without the fuel, your body was essentially just a trembling mess.

you scowled at yourself; unsure of what to do, what to even think.

day eighteen.

you remembered how he kissed you. the first kisses the most; you always had to tell him to not look so terrified. you also had to remind him to not stand like a statue when you kissed. pretty soon, after some reassurance, he got comfortable. there was nothing but confidence in the way he caressed your face in his hands. usually he was the one to pull away; you were so mesmerized, it felt as if the world completely stopped.

they were always quick and out of the way in public. usually, it was on your forehead or your one of your cheeks. the deep kisses you felt when you two were alone were incomparable. soft lips remained on yours for what felt like centuries. he tasted sweet, in his own way—

wait, who?

you licked your lips slowly, trying to think.

it was no use; you couldn’t even remember what he looked like. you lolled your head to the side and stared at the outline of a rock a couple of feet away.

once i get out of here, i’ll kiss him. whoever it was. it won’t matter if it’s just us, or more people. i’ll kiss him forever.

maybe if i go to sleep.. i can see him again.

[marigoldwitch]

I’m So Stressed Out

warning: this is a long one.

I’m so stressed right now and now I have another thing to be stressed about. I’m trying to figure out how I’m gonna get groceries, catch up on my business taxes, run my damn business and look for a new place to live, and my boyfriend’s family is worried about me getting a driver’s license. 

I want to point out that my lack of driver’s license has never hindered me or caused me any major problems in my life. My biggest problem with not having the legal ability to drive is satisfying my midnight cravings for cheap tacos lol. Which I’d say my lack of driver’s license has probably saved me from a life of unhealthy late night binge eating. I run my online business from home and I can literally walk pretty much everywhere in my town. Like for real, everything is within a 3 mile radius from my apartment lol. So having a driver’s license does absolutely nothing to benefit my own life right now. 

Lately I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress. My rent recently increased, we’re currently looking for a new apartment, I’m 2 quarters behind on my taxes, I have a half a dozen custom orders to finish up, I have another dozen or so new designs to make, I’m trying to figure out my finances so that I don’t end up starving for a week just so I can pay my internet bill and to top all this off, my parents are currently in town and my boyfriend’s mom is basically forcing me to get my driver’s license.

First of all, yes I am 27 and no I do not have a driver's license. I used to drive back in Maryland (where I used to live) but it gave me such bad anxiety and after getting into 2 (minor) accidents, when I moved to North Carolina I just didn’t have the desire to drive anymore and I didn’t have a car anyways. That was in 2010. Fast forward to 2013, my mom fixed up my brother’s old truck (my current vehicle) and gave it to me as a gift for my 22nd birthday. It’s old, falling apart but gets us where we need to go. So she gives me this truck with the condition that I get my license. I tried. Believe me, I tired to drive but every time I got behind the wheel I had a panic attack. After 2 months my boyfriend finally had enough of seeing me go through these panic attacks that he said not to worry about it and that he would always make sure I got where I needed to go. A promise he is still keeping to this day, 7 years later.

Anyways, now that you know that little backstory let’s jump ahead to yesterday. So my parents went back to their hotel room and I went with my boyfriend to his family's place to do a load of laundry. We get there and my boyfriend’s younger brother’s girlfriend (that’s a mouth full lol) finally got her driver’s license. We’re all very proud of her. She’s sort of a workaholic and just never found the time to study and just get it, so the fact that she’s doing management training right now and was able to find time to do this is very impressive.

This milestone in her life sparked up the conversation about me and my lack of (legal) driving ability. Now before I get into all the excuses I gave his mom I want to tell you why I had to give “excuses” and it’s because his mom isn’t big on the idea that other people go through shit. I don’t want to get too much into her problems or anything because this isn’t about her, it’s about me lol. Anyways, she comes at me like “So you’re the last one Sarah. Why don’t you have your driver’s license?”

Well.... I haven’t gotten new glasses (or an updated prescription to order new glassed) in the 4 years since I broke mine and I can not legally drive without glasses, which cost money.

I also have a 20 year old truck that literally breaks down at least once a month, the driver's seat is broken and can not be pushed up all the way (so I can’t reach the petals anyways, thank goodness my bf is taller than me or else we’d have a serious issue lol). My headlights do not work right and you have to do this twisty thing with the wires to get them on. Oh yeah and my dashboard is all but falling off because we have to get behind the dashboard to do the twisty thing with the wires to get it to turn the headlights on. It looks like we’re hotwiring my truck every time we have to drive somewhere and it’s dark lol. My truck is old lol. And to be honest I suck at getting the headlights to actually work, my boyfriend is better at that lol. Also my driver’s side door can’t be opened from the inside. You have to roll down the window and open the door from the outside to get out of the truck... this doesn’t affect my ability to drive the truck or anything, I just thought I’d throw that in there to prove the point that my truck is very very old lol.

I am currently dealing with being super behind on my taxes (which is gonna result in a fee, it’s like what you owe + 4% of what you owe or something) so I’m trying to catch up on that, I’m trying to figure out how I’m gonna pay my bills this month and also not starve to death lol, we’re trying to look for a new place to live, I have a business I’m trying to run (alone. by myself. just me. doing everything. including taxes which I’m clearly bad at lol) and getting a driver’s license is time consuming and cost money. Time and money are 2 things that I just don’t have right now.

Oh and I have a fucking panic attacks every single time I get behind the wheel. 

So she says “I’ll pay for you to get your license. Even if you can’t drive your truck right now at least you’ll have it and you can borrow my car if you need to. Everyone else is able to do it and find the time, why can’t you?”

Okay. First, it’s very nice that she’s offering to pay for me to get my license but she completely dismissed everything I told her. I still don’t have money for an eye exam or new glasses. I still won’t be able to drive my own truck and it’s nice that she’s offering to let me borrow her car but I live 30 minutes away from her so her car isn’t gonna do me much good. I still have a TON of work I need to finish and I seriously do not have the time or energy to study to get my license right now.

And can I just say I HATE when people say something like ‘so and so did it, why can’t you?” I feel like this subject alone deserves it’s own discussion but I just need to say this: We’re all different. We all have different struggles, stressors and triggers. It’s great that so-and-so was able to go to college while working 2 full time jobs and raising 3 kids. Seriously congrats to them. But I am not them and I can not handle that much pressure and stress. Bet your ass they couldn’t either and underneath the surface they’re losing themselves but they feel like they can’t speak up or reach out for help for one reason or another. But we can talk about this another time.

So, just to get them off my back, I say “sure you pay I’ll go get it.” I just wanted to end the conversation because if I stood my ground and said “No” then they would switch the discussion to my work and how I need a real job. And honestly, I was just not in the mood yesterday to go into this whole ‘your job isn’t real because you’re not getting a check each week and you can do it from home’ and whatever else they want to throw at me to make me feel like shit about not making some CEO rich.

And now, because I’m a dumbass who didn’t feel like arguing about MY life with people, I have to be ready to take my driving test in 2 weeks. I also have to:

catch up on my taxes

finish 6 custom orders

finish 12 new designs

write, photographic and edit 2 new patterns

figure out how i’m gonna pay my bills 

overcome my crippling anxiety related to driving and study for my driving test

All in the next 2 weeks.

Did I mention that I suffer from a neurological disorder called ADHD that literally makes doing all of these things 3x harder than it would be if I didn’t have it. I didn’t mention that? Well I do.

Why do I do this to myself?