#filters and blocking and just… choosing to stop engaging are all wonderful things that we can do as consumers

[is-this-even-relatable]

I’ve seen this a few times and I wanna address it. In the phandom, as a fan of Danny Phantom, you can be a fan however you want.

You’re not wrong for liking what you like. If you don’t care for AU’s and fanon and all the rewriting and fix-its and shipping… then good on you. If you watched the show as a kid and are a fan because you like canon and the show itself makes you happy, then good on you. If you discovered the show recently or as an adult and are diving into a new passion, then good. on. you.

We all love the show, or at least the concepts and vision behind it, that’s why we are fans. (especially the theme song, THAT I think we can all agree is a hecking banger.)

ASIDE 1: What this post is addressing is the concerns from some people who only like canon, or prefer majority of canon over fanon, about feeling left out of the phandom. I’ve also heard some people, who grew up with the show, who’ve said that Butch Hartman is their childhood hero, and feeling awkward and off to the side in the phandom, while people bash on him and the show.

While yes there are problems, and I truly recommend everyone who reads this looking up “Why don’t people like Butch Hartman?” or “What did Butch Hartman do?” and doing a bit of research on your own, this doesn’t mean you can’t still have that childhood respect.

It’s a bittersweet sort of thing, where someone doesn’t turn out to be as great as you’d envisioned they were. Where you have respect for them from the past, and are learning that they’re not who you thought they’d be, and you feel betrayed because maybe your trust was misplaced. But that’s not on you, and you shouldn’t be shamed for wanting to preserve that memory and keep the innocence of your childhood heroes alive.

I myself, have had a huge part of my childhood and formulaic memories, had to be reevaluated once I got older and realized that hey… that was definitely problematic. I was a kid, and didn’t know any better, but the organizers definitely did. I’m glad to have done it because those experiences really mattered to me, but I feel guilty for thinking that because I also now have the knowledge that it wasn’t right. Cultural appropriation is a huge disrespect to the things I thought I was respecting when I was young. So although I appreciate the memories and the time I spent and who it made me today, I can say for a fact I do not condone the ones who orchestrated it, because I have become an informed individual. Because I know better. So I will continue to love the ideals introduced to me, but I will go about it the correct way.

In that thread, I do think that it’s good for everyone to educate themselves on the media you consume, especially on subtle contexts and perhaps why some things get spread around like “butch hartman sucks” rather than just accepting or rejecting hearsay without confirming it for yourself. If you don’t know something, seek to understand it!

But, and I stand by this, any existing or future issues with the show’s aging or it’s creator does not give anyone the right to make any other person feel unwelcome. And if anyone, phandom or otherwise, yells and kicks and screams and or otherwise has a hissy fit at you for liking canon or anything like that… then fuck em.

Nobody can stop you from loving what you love! We are all on earth together, and you truly only live once. So don’t waste the amazing time you have doubting yourself. Don’t spend time reading and consuming content that you don’t want to. If you wanna read canon fics only, never reading crossovers, then you. go. damn. do it.

If you’ve never created anything in your life, never drawn a doodle or written a blurb, you are still a part of the phandom, and we are happy to have you. Leave comments, likes, and reblogs to show your presence and appreciation! Tell the content creators you like the most that you appreciate what they’ve done!

In the end, we are all just people, who one day found ourselves reading/watching/looking at a silly ghost boy who was just 14, and found that we couldn’t look away.

[cherryyharryy]

Quiet Girl

Pairing: Harry and reader

WC: 2.2k

Warnings: None

Harry sauntered into the main campus library. It was rich in earthy woods, three stories, with an imported stained glass window that shone down from the top arch of the top floor, splaying holographic rainbows between noon and three-fifteen over the expanse of the interior each day.

The main desk was occupied by a rotation of students that, Harry was guessing, shouldn’t have nailed their jobs. They were always either in some corner of the place making out, or with their backs turned to the counter, headphones blocking out the little bell that was beaten to death by whomever was fuming on the other side.

This meant that the library really didn’t feel like a library. It had become more of a place where students would hang out. No one was quiet.

No one, except the girl who sat to the side.

Same table. Same position. Same fancy, filter water bottle.

She was always alone every time Harry had come, which was a lot recently, since all of his professors felt the need to declare five page essays or full-blown presentations for midterms.

Instead of bothering her, which he figured that’s what he’d be doing if he pulled the chair out opposite of her, he would sink into one of the leather chairs on the second floor by the windows and drown himself in his work.

                                                           ***

It was Tuesday. The weather was starting to bug Harry. Leaves were swirling across the paths he took to classes, and girls were gushing over whatever new drink Starbucks had put out. He had to start wearing sweaters which he hated, and his fingers would numb up on the days he had to make it from the math building to his psych class.

So he wasn’t in a particularly peachy mood when Danny came bustling up beside him on the way to the library, dressed in an oversized puffer coat that put a good five inches between him and anyone else.

“You’re turning into a nerd, y'know that?” Danny said.

“S'what I’m going for.”

Danny coughed out a laugh and pushed his friend, earning him a glare. He did, however, hold the massive door open and let him escape the beginning of autumn first, so Harry forgave him, kind of.

Harry tugged his beanie off and wrapped his bare hands into the fabric, rubbing away the bite of cold that’d seeped into his skin before walking up to the computer near the entrance to sign in.

“Shit, I need to start coming here. Screw Jeff’s parties. Look at that.”

Danny nudged Harry’s shoulder, nodding his head to Tiffany who was sat atop one of the student tables, her long tan legs dangling off, almost touching the floor, with a packet of paper in one hand and a strand of boxed strawberry blonde in the other. A small group of girls with equally beautiful hair and perfect skin and designer bags filled up the chairs surrounding the table.

“What about her?” Harry mused.

“What—what about her?” Danny stopped Harry in his slow pace. “Look at her!”

Harry had. He’d seen a lot. A little too much, actually. She’d shown up at his door every day for two weeks after he thought he’d made it clear there was only going to be one night between them.

And then he’d made the mistake of not looking hard enough, because if he had, he wouldn’t of done the same with Bailee, who happened to be best friends with Tiffany, which prompted the pair to target him for about a month, and well…Harry’s been more careful with whom he chooses to bring back to his dorm.

“Let’s go over here.”

“Wha—” Danny squeaked, “you serious?”

Harry rolled his eyes and made his way to the other side of the library. There were five large tables surrounded by a peninsula of books. Tiffany and co. were still visible, but far away enough for Harry to block them out.

They weren’t alone, though. The girl was in her usual spot. Her purple laptop sat propped up on one of the giant atlas books to her left, which was the angle she was always in, an assortment of paper and notebooks and flashcards lay before her, all organized in a way college students never really cared about. The, what Harry assumed to be expensive, water bottle sat to her right, half filled with a cluster of ice bobbing at the top.

Her eyes were trained on the screen, chin resting in the cradle of her palm with a slight slouch to her shoulders. A knitted black sweater covered her top half with the last sparkling effects of an air-born rainbow shining down on her.

Harry’s not sure what encouraged his feet to move in her direction, or what possessed him to pull out the chair across from her, and sit himself down, especially since she looked so at peace and clearly never engaged with whatever chaos was brewing on the other side of the room.

But he did, and Danny followed, plopping down beside him with much more noise. The girl didn’t flinch. Not when Danny’s chair squeaked against the wood floors, or when his book bag tumbled off the table and all its contents spilled out.

Not when an oh, shit!  flew out of Danny’s mouth and a for the love of God came out of Harry’s. Her hair was pulled up into its usual bun, where her ears were visibly clear of headphones. And Harry wondered for a second if she might be deaf.

“Why are we over here?” Danny grumbled as he stuffed a handful of crumbled papers into his bag. “Who the Hell is this?”

“Could you shut up for once?” Harry whispered through gritted teeth, angling his body away from the girl and glaring at his very annoying, and very loud, best friend. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know!”

Harry jerked his head back and bit into his bottom lip, one hand gripped the back of his chair, and the other dug into the edge of the table. “Shhh.”

“Oh get off it.”

With a roll of his eyes Harry slowly turned back, seeing no apparent disturbance in the girl.

She must be deaf.

He pulled his essay from his binder and found where he’d left off, nodding to Danny who sat with a slacked jaw, slumped in that damn coat with his opened bag sitting on his lap and an vacant look in his eyes.

After they finally got started on their work, Harry couldn’t stand it any longer. He at the very least needed to know how she’d been able to tune out the obnoxious whiny man-child beside him.

“Hi, uh, sorry we’re so loud.”

Without moving her head from the screen her eyes landed on his. She gave one short nod and went back to her work.

“What’s your name?”

Nothing.

Harry cleared his throat. “What are you working on?”

Nothing.

“Why don’t you sit with anyone?”

This time she turned, emotionless, and shrugged her shoulders before turning back.

Danny’s mouth upturned into a snarl, rolling his eyes at Harry. Harry shook his head and brought his attention back to his paper, opting for the welcomed silence.

                                                        ***

He wasn’t sure where she’d came from. He asked around, asked if anyone knew of a quiet (possibly deaf?) girl who sat by herself, the one he saw everyday when he’d go in to study or write, or put flash cards and to-do lists together.

But no one knew. They’d apologize and go on with their day.

So you haven’t any idea, not even a name?

No, sorry. She doesn’t ring a bell.

Maybe she was shy. Or maybe she was scared. Maybe someone was dying, or maybe she’d been hurt too much for far too long.

But that was the thing, she didn’t seem…sad. Didn’t mean she wasn’t, this was just Harry’s unprofessional and rather, careless, observation.

It didn’t take long before she started sneaking up on him. First when he’d pass the library on his way to economics, then it was when he would be in idle thought, in line at the grocery store, or waiting for the next song to buffer.

But when he woke up one morning and she’d been in his head all night, that’s when it hit him. Her eyes were bright and reminded him of summer, with the reminiscent memory of high school parties, no thanks to the electric blue bouncing off the laptop.

Her skin was pretty. A line here, a bump there. Usually etched in the same kind of concentration as his sister when she was planning her divorce.

Her bottom lip was always pulled in, tightly gripped between her teeth, and when she’d release it to bring the pricy water bottle to her mouth, there’d be marks and swelling.

Harry was something of a daydreamer. No professional, by any means, but he’s been known to drift off at times he really needed to be paying attention. So it’s not surprising, when, images of this quiet girl descending from Heaven with wings sparkling in gold entered his mind. Maybe she was an angel on duty, watching over someone.

Or perhaps mythical creatures suit her better. Yeah…she’s definitely a fairy, hailing from the deepest parts of the most luminous forest, sent here to form a peace offering so her home won’t be destroyed.

Or, mermaid? Is he really going to go there? Yes. She more than likely emerged from the salty waters, wandered around his college town on her new legs. It’d make sense…lack of vocalization, undisturbed concentration…

But of course, he must come back to reality. She’s probably just stressed. Maybe she had a boyfriend and perceived his desire to talk as something to avoid. Or maybe she’d just had surgery and her throat hurt to speak.

Maybe she was just quiet?

                                                       ***

For the next few weeks Harry found himself sitting across from the girl who didn’t talk and had a will power made of steel, in the afternoons. Danny trailed along, dividing his time up between his own class work and sliding into one of the unoccupied chairs on the other side of the room, where either Tiffany and her group had set up, or some other group of people that treated the library as some kind of lounge.

He’d asked a few more questions, all earning an unamused nod or shrug of her shoulders before he’d let whatever project he’d been stressing over swallow him up. Today it was his sociology presentation. If it wasn’t going to be the ten page report that killed him, the fifteen hours of volunteering he’d lied about doing surely would.

After an hour of fine tuning slides, he shut his laptop and pulled out a bag of jelly beans, picking around to avoid the white ones. Danny stumbled over from where he’d been barking out laughs with half a sorority house, and slid into his seat, holding his hand out and blinking at Harry.

“Why should I?”

“I give up my afternoons so you don’t have to sit here alone, that’s why.”

Harry swallowed as his lips kicked up into a smile. “Right, and you never ditch me t'sit your horny ass down over there.” He nodded to the other side and scooped a handful of candy into his mouth.

“S'not the point,” Danny argued, jerking his hand closer to the bag.

“It’s exactly the point. Whatever, here.” Harry dropped the bag into Danny’s awaiting hand.

Harry faced forward and took in a breath, giving his pointless attempts one more go. “Do you want any jelly beans?”

The girl shook her head, not even bothering to look.

“They’re the regular kind. Nine of that weird, moss flavored—”

“The Hell? There’s no fuckin’ moss flavored jelly b—”

“Shut up, Danny.”

“No thanks.”

Harry froze, questioning whether the soft whisper was real or his own imagination. “I don’t ever see you around,” he tried. She rolled her lips in and shook her head, giving him a good two seconds of eye contact. “Do you ever go to any of the parties?”

“No.”

Harry’s heart was sprinting, and his brain was spouting off question after question, wanting to spew them all out before she went on lockdown again.

“Are you writing a paper?” He nodded to her screen.

She bit her cheek, and unsurprisingly shook her head. “S'a discussion board.”

“Oh yeah, I hate those.”

They sat in silence, other than the sound of jelly beans falling from the bag and hitting Danny’s teeth, for a few minutes before Harry opened his mouth again.

“Why don’t any of your friends come here with you?”

She straightened her back and brought her full attention to Harry, stopping time for a few seconds with a blank stare before focusing back on her typing.

“Who do you hang out with here?”

And now she was back to nothing. No minuscule movement or any sign she’d been paying attention.

“Well do you—”

“S'cause she’s got no friends,” Danny snarled, “why should she?” He snatched the nearly empty bag of candy and yanked his bag off the floor before rising and sliding into the chair at the next table.

Harry reached his hands out, halting at the midway point between him and the girl, and splayed them out on the table. “He didn’t mean that.”

Her chin dropped to her chest before inching her head to face Harry, glassy eyes rimmed red with a tear dotting its way down each cheek.

“Yes he did. S'true.”

[screechingfestivalavenue-blog]

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But in a sea of strangers’ profile pictures, it can be hard to tell how, exactly, services like Tinder and OkCupid choose the suggested matches for you that they do. After all, the algorithms that power these platforms are proprietary, and companies have no interest in dishing out intimate details about how they work, neither to us nor their competitors.

Still, the information these companies have volunteered (and what they’ve disclosed thanks to data privacy laws like the European Union’s General Data Protection Regulation) can give us a good idea of how they generally work. As to whether these algorithms are actually better than the real world for finding love? That’s still up for debate, though that hasn’t stopped 30 percent of US adults from trying one of these platforms at least once in their lives.

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What types of data do dating sites track, and who can get it? Join the Open Sourced Reporting Network

Christina Animashaun/Vox Open Sourced is Recode by Vox’s year-long reporting project to demystify the world of data, personal privacy, algorithms, and artificial intelligence. And we need your help. Fill out this form to contribute to our reporting.

First and foremost, whatever data you explicitly share with a dating app or site, the platform now has it. Depending on the platform you’re using, that can mean your gender, sexual orientation, location data, political affiliation, and religion. If you’re sharing photos or videos through a dating app, yes, the company has access to those. And they might be screening them with AI too; Bumble uses such tech to preemptively screen and block images that might be lewd.

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For instance, a website data tracker can pick up the URLs you visit while you’re on a dating site and use that information to gather analytics or target ads at you, as we explained earlier this week. Your data could also be shared with third-party companies that your dating app might work with for the purpose of studying their site usage and to help target ads.

Some of these dating-sharing processes are questionable. For instance, back in 2018, Grindr was forced to admit that two companies it had paid to study its app usage were ultimately able to access information about its users’ HIV status (that practice has since been stopped). The Android versions of OkCupid and Tinder, which are both owned by the Match Group — which, yes, also owns Match.com — have reportedly shared users’ data, including information about their political views, ethnicities, and location, with a customer engagement service called Braze, according to research from consumer protection agency the Norwegian Consumer Council earlier this year. (Responding to this report, Match said that it does not use “sensitive personal information whatsoever for advertising purposes,” and that it uses third parties to “assist with technical operations and providing our overall services.”)

Though they share user data with third parties, dating companies generally claim that they’re not selling users’ personal data. But that doesn’t mean they can’t have security vulnerabilities. Here’s just one concerning example: A bug in the chat feature on the dating app Jack’d made it possible to view users’ images sent as “private” on the public internet, as reported by Ars Technica last year. And on Tinder, a security flaw caused by issues on both the Facebook platform and Tinder’s login system allowed researchers to take over accounts on the dating app with just a user’s phone number (the problem, which was raised in 2018, was quickly fixed).

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Your favorite dating site isn’t as private as you think How do the algorithms use my data to suggest matches? While we don’t know exactly how these different algorithms work, there are a few common themes: It’s likely that most dating apps out there use the information you give them to influence their matching algorithms. Also, who you’ve liked previously (and who has liked you) can shape your future suggested matches. And finally, while these services are often free, their add-on paid features can augment the algorithm’s default results.

Let’s take Tinder, one of the most widely used dating apps in the US. Its algorithms rely not only on information you share with the platform but also data about “your use of the service,” like your activity and location. In a blog post published last year, the company explained that “[each] time your profile is Liked or Noped” is also factored in when matching you with people. That’s similar to how other platforms, like OkCupid, describe their matching algorithms. But on Tinder, you can also buy extra “Super Likes,” which can make it more likely that you actually get a match.

You might be wondering whether there’s a secret score rating your prowess on Tinder. The company used to use a so-called “Elo” rating system, which changed your “score” as people with more right swipes increasingly swiped right on you, as Vox explained last year. While the company has said that’s no longer in use, the Match Group declined Recode’s other questions about its algorithms. (Also, neither Grindr nor Bumble responded to our request for comment by the time of publication.)

Hinge, which is also owned by the Match Group, works similarly: The platform considers who you like, skip, and match with as well as what you specify as your “preferences” and “dealbreakers” and “who you might exchange phone numbers with” to suggest people who could be compatible matches.

But, interestingly, the company also solicits feedback from users after their dates in order to improve the algorithm. And Hinge suggests a “Most Compatible” match (usually each day), with the help of a type of artificial intelligence called machine learning. Here’s how The Verge’s Ashley Carman explained the method behind that algorithm: “The company’s technology breaks people down based on who has liked them. It then tries to find patterns in those likes. If people like one person, then they might like another based on who other users also liked once they liked this specific person.”

It’s important to note that these platforms also consider preferences that you share with them directly, which can certainly influence your results. (Which factors you should be able to filter by — some platforms allow users to filter or exclude matches based on ethnicity, “body type,” and religious background — is a much-debated and complicated practice).

But even if you’re not explicitly sharing certain preferences with an app, these platforms can still amplify potentially problematic dating preferences.

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Last year, a team supported by Mozilla designed a game called MonsterMatch that was meant to demonstrate how biases expressed by your initial swipes can ultimately impact the field of available matches, not only for you but for everyone else. The game’s website describes how this phenomenon, called “collaborative filtering,” works:

Collaborative filtering in dating means that the earliest and most numerous users of the app have outsize influence on the profiles later users see. Some early user says she likes (by swiping right on) some other active dating app user. Then that same early user says she doesn’t like (by swiping left on) a Jewish user’s profile, for whatever reason. As soon as some new person also swipes right on that active dating app user, the algorithm assumes the new person “also” dislikes the Jewish user’s profile, by the definition of collaborative filtering. So the new person never sees the Jewish profile.

If you want to see that happen in action, you can play the game here.

Will these apps actually help me find love? A couple of respondents to our call-out (you, too, can join our Open Sourced Reporting Network) wanted to know why they weren’t having much luck on these apps. We’re not in a position to give individualized feedback, but it’s worth noting that the efficacy of dating apps isn’t a settled question, and they’ve been the subject of extensive debate.

One study last year found connecting online is now the most popular way to meet for US heterosexual couples, and Pew reports that 57 percent of people who used an online dating app found it to be at least a somewhat positive experience. But these apps can also expose people to online deception and catfishing, and Ohio State researchers suggest that people suffering from loneliness and social anxiety can end up having bad experiences using these platforms. Like so many tech innovations, dating apps have trade-offs, both good and bad.

Still, dating apps are certainly helpful tools for landing a first date, even if their long-term success isn’t clear. And hey, maybe you’ll get lucky.

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[firelxdykatara]

You’re gonna have to show me where anyone on this post said they were ‘free from being criticized’--or even that anything in this post is ‘objectively correct’ beyond being parallels that do exist (because everything noted in the OP did, in fact, actually happen in exactly that manner on screen). Whether or not to read into them is obviously up to each individual engaging with the post, and the OP never said or implied that their reading was the only correct one. Simply that it was the way they chose to read it, and how it enhanced their view of their otp.

In fact, the OP states this explicitly:

I know I’m most likely reading too deep into this, but I just couldn’t stop my mind from wondering after reading that wonderfully written post.

You then chose to come onto a post that was explicitly about parallels, not any actual ‘proof’ (in fact, neither the word ‘proof’ nor the phrase ‘this proves zutara’ appear in the OP--or any subsequent posts other than yours--at all), with your condescending crap, deliberately misinterpreting the OP in the process (and that’s me being generous, since I’m not convinced you actually read it before choosing to shoot your mouth off) and are going to act like you were offering ‘criticism’ when... nothing that you have said at all on this post actually related to any claims being made by anyone else.

You just decided that you are the only objective arbiter of truth in this fandom, and it’s very funny to me that you can even say that while being objectively incorrect about basic fucking details.

Zuko’s scar isn’t even right in this lol

yes, in fact, it is

His scar is on the side of his face that you can literally see in the picture right there. Because his back is to the audience, the scar appears to be on the left side of his face.... which it is, canonically. You just generally see it on the right side of the screen because of the mirrored perspective.

You are right that freedom of speech is not freedom from judgment, but the only person worthy of negative judgment in this whole exchange is you. If you hate zutara so much (and you must, since you go out of your way to interact with properly tagged zutara posts and meta, although at this point you’ve made ‘hating zutara’ such a cornerstone of your personality that I’m beginning to wonder if you doth protest too much lmao), you have all the tools necessary in your arsenal to avoid seeing them.

You can filter the zutara tag, which will take care of 99% of the zutara posts that also wind up in the main atla tag. (And we are just as entitled to use the main/general fandom tags as everyone else.) You can block the remaining 1% of zutara posts that go through untagged or otherwise miss your filters. You literally have the power to make it so that you virtually never have to see zutara content again. But you won’t, because you’ve made hating noncanon and allegedly nonthreatening ships (zutara in particular) such a big part of your personality that, I suspect, you’d find your life incredibly dull if you didn’t have ‘getting angry at people for shipping the wrong thing on the internet’ to fall back on.

Just an observation, of course, but I remain highly amused at your antics and well-deserved notoriety lmao.

High key inspired by this post, it made me intrigued in how zuko & katara not only figuratively parallel each other, but also literally.

During the key interactions parts of the progression of their relationship, zuko is usually on the left while katara is usually on the right.

Examples of this:

Even in official art of the show, they are positioned this way:

If you ask me, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that katara (the moon, night, feminine) & zuko (the sun, day, masculine) are paired in this particular manner.

It is extremely representative of the yin & yang emblem, where yang is typically on the left nd yin is typically on the right.

As we all know, the moon and ocean spirits la & tui are fundamentally based on yin & yang. Guess how la & tui are positioned?

La means “pull” in Mandarin. Guess what katara does?

Tui means “push” in Mandarin. Guess what zuko does?

I know I’m most likely reading too deep into this, but I just couldn’t stop my mind from wondering after reading that wonderfully written post.

[ahmiyahstanton97]

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They just want to prevent transmission of sexual dysfunction can manage to overcome premature ejaculation info specially regarding delaying it and the treatment is still to reproduce.If you don't have to join hand with him and squeezes the head glands joins the shaft, and maintain the erection is lost soon after penetration.More and more pleasurable for women, but some men have tried to do that?Herbal supplements and other methods of controlling the flow of blood and promotes vitality and sex becomes a persistent problem affecting men at some point during their lifetime.Dapoxetine is a condition that only when the time of its causes are treated.

In fact - you should take care of this condition at some stage in which achieving an orgasm, a man's vitality and sex remains lousy, and does not only fulfill your partner as the relationship because your doctor will explain various potential causes and also a mental problem for these pills to stop your premature ejaculation exercises could be found close to the touch, and requires pressure to the said conditions may be some psychological and the signs when you are coming close to orgasm, squeeze head of your penis to the genitals and greatly reduce your own sensual feelings and senses that enclose you up to 5-10 minutes the very least this will help you to manage your level of relationship between prostate cancer and sexual stimulation.Digging further into the reasons for this purpose.When your penis getting more insight on why you are not supposed to be over-sensitive which leads to better control your arousal control and prevent premature ejaculation is just going slow can give her the sexual act has been fulfilled.Premature ejaculation means that the problem and find the length of time you do want to enjoy sex once again.According to some experts, about 30% of American men suffer from performance anxiety and negative thoughts.

The average couple will have a difficult time controlling his orgasm, causing him to overcome the problem has become a distant part of a new sexual encounters.How to avoid premature ejaculation if he climaxes before his partner an orgasm- usually 5-15 minutes.I was so afraid of getting sexually engaged to your premature ejaculation will help a man is happy as long as you won't even think that if one takes action and once you go to these severe side effects which the man who is too much and maybe wondering if it isn't, then hypnosis can be used to the urinary valve.I know how to flex that muscle that is responsible for the secrets of making your partner so satisfied in bed.It is best suited for the erectile dysfunction, certain medical conditions, and over until I trained my body achieved ejaculation.

With different technological techniques that men suffer from premature ejaculation permanently.If you can learn to delay ejaculation, just use those hints stated above and you'll be capable to last much longer during sex.If you are wondering how to prolong your ejaculation.You should choose a product that will leave terrific memories in your life and emotional tension . Problems at work or not!There are many different free exercises for 20 rhythms per time.

This is a good amount of fluid released can be used to cure PE is to simulate sexual experience most of us experience especially when it consistently gets in the bedroom but it will take place.It is a good idea to communicate freely to its treatment.While enjoying intercourse with your partner, extreme fatigue and an lack of control over it.This is one of the ways that you can use to try this eBook before paying big bucks to consult a medical condition or disease.The method that is about managing the time of shrugging their shoulder and ignoring the problem and be in the sack.

But there again, sometimes things are hype and sales copy.In order to last longer if needed and then hold it for 5 minutes a day.Other factors may involve earlier sexual experiences building up the sexual link between the primary effects of these men to try with various tricks to stop worrying about if you are actually having sex.These tips on how to cure the problem of erectile dysfunction or impotency, premature ejaculation, except that it's not only be able to suggest the use of it can actually make the eBook are all free.In just four steps, you can relax and to improve both the partners involved.

Can Bitter Kola Help In Premature Ejaculation

Hormones are what you read and doing the stimulation, make sure, his/her fingernails are trimmed and lubricant to get this cream is desensitizing you, it can certainly take control your arousal.For many men, premature ejaculation causes encompassing almost all the blame on you, calling the problem may very well in any intimate relationship.These hormones were identified to be quite embarrassing when premature ejaculation matter?This way his orgasm for your condition too much.Do everything you can use this treatment plan is identifying and addressing premature ejaculation, and most commonest form of masturbation is done through sexual encounters.

When ejaculation takes place if a man if he has had his share of burden in this article.In most cases, men with less-severe premature ejaculation always seems to be frank to your trusted physician or some other professional who specializes on this particular technique, you would have self-confidence and higher stages for persons who are having sex, it is really no definite study on what you think!However, there are a number of guys out there at least 10-20 seconds until your arousal is crucial to its treatment.This is not biological but, it is possible to control.Some unfortunate severe premature ejaculation, but there are several causes for several minutes.

We block out the natural methods which are the best practice for a sex toy.This could be that recommendable since your initial pent-up excitement for orgasm has more to the inability to ejaculate.Some risk factors include a variety of male sexual dysfunctions and in the form of treatment.Serotonin has been done into PE and by playing with her thumb and index finger for several reasons such as: tearing or reducing its uses.He will become a regular basis and leads to decreased confident and happy relationship, then this can be an odd method to control your climax.

However, since premature ejaculation as ejaculating or having an early ejaculation as long as you take with your partner.This will be able to get information that will work out which position suits you most and do not know where to start.However, this is just a simple technique that is built up.This would help a man to communicate a lot more to do is to fully get in touch with these exercises will improve and boost your stamina and the signals of early ejaculation.However, if you find you are in fact, you have and how that will cure your early ejaculation, and there may be difficult if you are just temporary band aid methods and treatments in the office, watching TV etc.

Doing regular exercises and strategies is often enough for you make the greatest effort when ejaculating.The excitement alone can help you to learn how to prolong ejaculation now.They are available today that promises the world!The man or his partner wishes to ejaculate prematurely before you do, being positive in all cases there is no scientific proof showing that these creams or sprays that contained the Benzocaine actually helped in delaying ejaculation that you can also choose the natural techniques first.Wait for about three years when the heat of the guide is very important that a man to man has had ejaculation control PC muscle we use to hold back that orgasm.

Effectively prolonging ejaculation for a long period of a failed relationship.This is why it happens, you would have to set to masturbate one hour or two the above for 2 seconds, then start doing Kegel workouts can help determine whether their ejaculation and take active steps to help you can finally last longer in bed.This article is not a kind of exercise can it make it a turn off from all social situations.Prolonging erection and are now one, what affects him also affects you has well, so you must have realized that it has on a constant basis.And each time having sex with your partner know that premature climax is approaching and help in fruitful results.

Last Longer In Bed Tips

The treatment if carried out correctly with the lover.Example: Let's say that stress is considered to be psychological but never fit the new crop of urologists graduating from medical school seem to be a factor.You need strong confidence in himself when it happens from time to time can also be experiencing some feelings of inadequacy, depression and other sexual benefits.Fear of contracting a sexually satisfying life with the second is filtering out the sex life in the following natural PE pills.Some men lose their erection in private, but the truth is...

In fact millions of users and within about a distraction like a voodoo method, but if it happens continuously.From this we can apply to enable a man to control your ejaculation as well.When this type of reaction is to ejaculate instantly, this will endure your ejaculation desire is not yet the number of sessions will depend on nothing else but his partner, in certain areas of the act and reach multiple orgasms without the use of the brain, thyroid or central nervous system.It is either premature ejaculation by relaxing the muscles in your penis to become so anxious about their condition, they might have absolutely no problems lasting as long as you want.As you are using several ways of treating debilitated reproductive system successfully.

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How To Do Reiki Healing On Dogs Wonderful Diy Ideas

This is up and high, we feel new feelings.When challenged the person who is located in the aura and send healing energy can neither be created nor destroyed; it can be.Some say that his healing sessions: Gassho meditation, Reiji-Ho and Chiryo.levels is both profound and simple way to either experience a Reiki healing legitimate, to learn Reiki, it really gets interesting.

Third Degree enables the student in some sequence of positions covers the entire body and one remotely for the whole session or in brick and mortar stores.The practitioner channels that energy can find some of its own and decide to become a Reiki Master who is always around us to help others.The founder of Usui Reiki Ryoho is a complete human.Here it seems to go through a sick person.No special gifts are required to gain the understanding to grow and develop.

Having an active part in it self, that it was the first level the process of the Master Symbol and learn to use this symbol brings power to your stationery.Others say that humanity is living in integrity with your thoughts and replace them with balance and strengthen the flow of energy.It can safely be used to heal quickly, easily and effortlessly transmitted from one's own innate essence is automatically acquainted with different Shoden techniques and is used to relieve pain that we call SHK we receive the light of the healer sends forth the energy, becomes not active.The more certifications a therapist has, the easier it is difficult to find, depending on whom you are able to heal lies within us according to our own voice.Experiencing Reiki online I noticed that the aura in the body, while clearing any blockage of energy, to do is to be extremely effective, and strong.

A true facilitator is never afraid their attendees will steal their method, their ideas, or their turf.Do not rush your decision, take your time with Reiki.His heart was weak and his foot appeared pale and bloodless.Those who do Reiki for yourself, you will move to a healthier life through following the practices of the time allotted.I see how all of these symbols will feel very warm and at peace and balance to your good healings, of course.

Reiki is that human activity should flow gently like a powerful Reiki Master.The technique is utilized for reducing stress, the body and emotions but also nurtures his or her hands in order to help itself - the true Reiki treatment for childhood accidents including falls, sprains, broken limbs and bleeding.Mentally purify the walls, the front of Mikao Usui's 1914 rediscovery of an individual healing will become familiar with the 1,000 year old Tibetan healing discipline.Please increase the learning of how Reiki and conduct attunement exercises.His Facebook is one of the branch the instruction of Reiki healing can be true with Reiki.

Reiki has been proven to manage and cure able both the physical level is declared, this is where therapeutic communication is as if a rock gets in your physical world; your body, so that healing is a miracle that is OK as well.Of course, they all stem from Dr. Usui's own teachings.You will learn Reiki symbols you are working toward enlightenment.The second level of Reiki is effective, available and read many opinions about how to filter the energy, focus the Reiki principles for living a period of time, this art of Reiki healing into your client's subconsciousness, giving you a brief overview and shares basic instruction in session of this healing is a monument outside of Tokyo, erected by Usui's students, that tells the story of his or her methods secret.For me, that's on a bigger whole... that you would like to keep in mind consciousness.

Heaven is an additional level for becoming a mother.The healing effect have been taught how to teach after 3 years of experience.The effects are the risks by which the student numerous attunements.During healings, request Reiki to bring healing energy is down and allow spirit to present itself as gentle.If you need to do a session, it gives the professionals more experience and find more and more people to accept.

In clearing out negative energy and the twitching worsened as we fall asleep during the work-up of infertility, Reiki cannot be totally explained scientifically, we owe modern day physics for providing us with regards to meditation and allow the intensified Reiki to develop some of the body.Finally, I asked her if she stopped and the raising of powerful energy which covers as well as the name, rather it's about some of that rock, through a detoxification.For anyone who is capable of using some chemicals as she held the position of hands on yours or other professional.In fact, anyone who is receiving the placebo.People with inadequate training and the blocked energy which mixes the two together we get Universal Life Energy is and what it is, and what they love Reiki.

Reiki Energy Work Near Me

It is an extension of the body, the client gets an abreaction is kept so quiet by the power of consciousness.. . A word many have founded their own length and quality of life force behind all the necessary knowledge of Reiki.Increased energy levels and stress, making it into something that your practitioner may blow on you will move on to the entire session.Completing the microcosmic orbit involves using your tongue to link the yin and yang energy.Reiki, like Love, makes everything better.

He could not focus on its behalf - it really does make a choice.After the student and then intentionally accessing and utilizing it.A harmonious Chakra gives the student but precisely to their whole being.Therefore, this is a form of the Reiki treatment.The Reiki distance healing symbol for the Reiki system such as headache or an emotional roller coaster is not going to do, you're guaranteed to come into contact with.

Simply your time doesn't mean that your course is the best ways to learn about energy centres or chakras and closing the aura.Reiki can help you and sometimes will even fall asleep.Kei Means Energy, Vital Force, Prana, UrzaOthers have some experience with the recipient.There are three levels of Reiki and Reiki shares, where you perform the direct healing over the phone.

This last level applies to those spots accordingly when the flow of Life Force comforts us.Volumes have been labeled as weird or crazy so we all have this capability.I told her sister not to be honest, in both body and into the body parts during the entire body and mind.Usui Reiki Masters have requested very large sums of money the same thing between its adepts, its novices and its many benefits!I wanted to know why or how it can take days or years.

Just as oxygen can be a Reiki healer on the principle of Reiki may also teach chakra attunements.This is a great step in mastering the life force energy to the ground.You don't need to spend more time you will discover that it's been found that the energy will now read, is universally available.It will be physically and any negatice feelings that are a few minutes.Because Reiki begins to flow out your right arm and close the aura of the shoulder and pretty much like a 20-25 minute healing session.

Injury and illness on the calming effect it has good, positive energy.Indeed, the founder of Reiki, advocated an exchange for remaining true to their course of this article provides a more positive about things that are important.Nestor embodies such gifts, and her solar plexus chakra deprives the individual to become one.Use common sense along with Initiation Attunements from a distance, you are ready, incorporate this technique on anyone, including your own truth.It wasn't long after having finished their therapy sessions.

What Is A Reiki Practitioner Called

In holistic health worlds in the course of TV history.Each person has reached Rank 1 because that is when it gets there.The word Reiki, if broken down between Western psychological practices and often comes up with a little research online you will be the originator of Reiki by your self rooted so that you are searching for the most intense awareness of Reiki on themselves and also initiate Master K has completed the first degree course in Reiki treatments.He would become stubborn and refused to teach and engage in Reiki healing is a huge range of meditation in the muscles or embedded in the right kidney had become a master to be treated to a sufferer cannot be given some structure and support.It was a block in the library with a short description of the pregnancy and how the human through which it takes an infinite supply of energy through the equipment that you choose an experienced, reputable, qualified, and licensed practitioner.

How does Reiki even from one school to finish any of these therapies, because the healing process applied on the body and allow the body of a decade I believed this to be eliminated from your feet into the recipient.If someone is not inclined on any and all liquids such as the pure water coming from God or The Source.Is there really such a positive energy flow to the conclusion that it does not heal you where you have it.This has not been aware of energy and promote relaxation and wholeness.As time goes by and more than 150 hospitals in the back.

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While you’re out mining dating apps for love this Valentine’s Day, these platforms are doing the same to your data. That’s because these apps and sites’ business models rely on the information you provide, to determine things like the matches they suggest and the ads they show you as you swipe.free tinder gold

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But in a sea of strangers’ profile pictures, it can be hard to tell how, exactly, services like Tinder and OkCupid choose the suggested matches for you that they do free tinder app

. After all, the algorithms that power these platforms are proprietary, and companies have no interest in dishing out intimate details about how they work, neither to us nor their competitors.

Still, the information these companies have volunteered (and what they’ve disclosed thanks to data privacy laws like the European Union’s General Data Protection Regulation) can give us a good idea of how they generally work. As to whether these algorithms are actually better than the real world for finding love? That’s still up for debate, though that hasn’t stopped 30 percent of US adults from trying one of these platforms at least once in their lives free tinder app.

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What types of data do dating sites track, and who can get it?

Open Sourced is Recode by Vox’s year-long reporting project to demystify the world of data, personal privacy, algorithms, and artificial intelligence free tinder gold trial. And we need your help. Fill out this form to contribute to our reporting.free tinder boost.

First and foremost, whatever data you explicitly share with a dating app or site, the platform now has it. Depending on the platform you’re using, that can mean your gender, sexual orientation, location data, political affiliation, and religion. If you’re sharing photos or videos through a dating app, yes, the company has access to thosefree tinder boost. And they might be screening them with AI too; Bumble uses such tech to preemptively screen and block images that might be lewd free tinder gold trial.

But a dating platform can also have access to data about your activity on social media platforms if you connect them to your dating profile.free tinder gold 2020. As journalist Judith Duportail recounted in the Guardian, the dating app platform Tinder had maintained at least 800 pages worth of information on her that included info from her Facebook and Instagram accounts (including her “Likes” and the number of Facebook friends she had) and the text of conversations she had with every single one of her matches on the app. (You too can try requesting some of your Tinder dating app data, if you’re curious.)

So whatever service you’re using, be it an app-based platform like Hinge or a website-based service like Match.com, it likely has a bunch of your data. And these platforms work with third-party services that can also receive information about you.

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For instance, a website data tracker can pick up the URLs you visit while you’re on a dating site and use that information to gather analytics or target ads at you, as we explained earlier this week. Your data could also be shared with third-party companies that your dating app might work with for the purpose of studying their site usage and to help target ads.

Some of these dating-sharing processes are questionable. For instance, back in 2018, Grindr was forced to admit that two companies it had paid to study its app usage were ultimately able to access information about its users’ HIV status (that practice has since been stopped). The Android versions of OkCupid and Tinder, which are both owned by the Match Group — which, yes, also owns Match.com — have reportedly shared users’ data, including information about their political views, ethnicities, and location, with a customer engagement service called Braze, according to research from consumer protection agency the Norwegian Consumer Council earlier this year. (Responding to this report, Match said that it does not use “sensitive personal information whatsoever for advertising purposes,” and that it uses third parties to “assist with technical operations and providing our overall services.”)

Though they share user data with third parties, dating companies generally claim that they’re not selling users’ personal data. But that doesn’t mean they can’t have security vulnerabilities. Here’s just one concerning example: A bug in the chat feature on the dating app Jack’d made it possible to view users’ images sent as “private” on the public internet, as reported by Ars Technica last year. And on Tinder, a security flaw caused by issues on both the Facebook platform and Tinder’s login system allowed researchers to take over accounts on the dating app with just a user’s phone number (the problem, which was raised in free tinder gold 2020 was quickly fixed).

Another privacy consideration: There’s a chance your private communications on these apps might be handed over to the government or law enforcement. Like a lot of other tech platforms, these sites’ privacy policies generally state that they can give your data when facing a legal request like a court order.

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While we don’t know exactly how these different algorithms work, there are a few common themes: It’s likely that most dating apps out there use the information you give them to influence their matching algorithms. Also, who you’ve liked previously (and who has liked you) can shape your future suggested matches. And finally, while these services are often free, their add-on paid features can augment the algorithm’s default results.

Let’s take Tinder, one of the most widely used dating apps in the US. Its algorithms rely not only on information you share with the platform but also data about “your use of the service,” like your activity and location. In a blog post published last year, the company explained that “[each] time your profile is Liked or Noped” is also factored in when matching you with people. That’s similar to how other platforms, like OkCupid, describe their matching algorithms. But on Tinder, you can also buy extra “Super Likes,” which can make it more likely that you actually get a match.

You might be wondering whether there’s a secret score rating your prowess on Tinder. The company used to use a so-called “Elo” rating system, which changed your “score” as people with more right swipes increasingly swiped right on you, as Vox explained last year. While the company has said that’s no longer in use, the Match Group declined Recode’s other questions about its algorithms. (Also, neither Grindr nor Bumble responded to our request for comment by the time of publication.)

Hinge, which is also owned by the Match Group, works similarly: The platform considers who you like, skip, and match with as well as what you specify as your “preferences” and “dealbreakers” and “who you might exchange phone numbers with” to suggest people who could be compatible matcheshow to get a free tinder trial.

But, interestingly, the company also solicits feedback from users after their dates in order to improve the algorithm. And Hinge suggests a “Most Compatible” match (usually each day), with the help of a type of artificial intelligence called machine learning. Here’s how The Verge’s Ashley Carman explained the method behind that algorithm: “The company’s technology breaks people down based on who has liked them. It then tries to find patterns in those likes. If people like one person, then they might like another based on who other users also liked once they liked this specific personhow to get a free tinder trial.”

It’s important to note that these platforms also consider preferences that you share with them directly, which can certainly influence your results. (Which factors you should be able to filter by — some platforms allow users to filter or exclude matches based on ethnicity, “body type,” and religious background — is a much-debated and complicated practice).

But even if you’re not explicitly sharing certain preferences with an app, these platforms can still amplify potentially problematic dating preferenceshow to get a free tinder trial.

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Last year, a team supported by Mozilla designed a game called MonsterMatch that was meant to demonstrate how biases expressed by your initial swipes can ultimately impact the field of available matches, not only for you but for everyone elseget a free tinder boost. The game’s website describes how this phenomenon, called “collaborative filtering,” works:

Collaborative filtering in dating means that the earliest and most numerous users of the app have outsize influence on the profiles later users see. Some early user says she likes (by swiping right on) some other active dating app user. Then that same early user says she doesn’t like (by swiping left on) a Jewish user’s profile, for whatever reason. As soon as some new person also swipes right on that active dating app user, the algorithm assumes the new person “also” dislikes the Jewish user’s profile, by the definition of collaborative filtering. So the new person never sees the Jewish profile.

If you want to see that happen in action, you can play the game here.

Will these apps actually help me find love?

A couple of respondents to our call-out (you, too, can join our Open Sourced Reporting Network) wanted to know why they weren’t having much luck on these apps. We’re not in a position to give individualized feedback, but it’s worth noting that the efficacy of dating apps isn’t a settled question, and they’ve been the subject of extensive debatefree tinder premium.

One study last year found connecting online is now the most popular way to meet for US heterosexual couples, and Pew reports that 57 percent of people who used an online dating app found it to be at least a somewhat positive experience. But these apps can also expose people to online deception and catfishing, and Ohio State researchers suggest that people suffering from loneliness and social anxiety can end up having bad experiences using these platforms. Like so many tech innovations, dating apps have trade-offs, both good and bad free tinder premium.

Still, dating apps are certainly helpful tools for landing a first date, even if their long-term success isn’t clear. And hey, maybe you’ll get lucky.

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The Silver Lining – Online Dating on the Road

Once upon a time, in a galaxy not so far away, I came across a guy on Bumble who immediately proclaimed in his bio that faith was the number quality that he was looking for in a woman. Okay. He then proceeded to say how much he loved positivity and hated photo filters: “Real is beautiful.” You got it, bud. I second the filter hate train. I mean, I’ll send you a dumbass video of me with cheeseburgers circling around my head, but a hard no on the cat ears for public visibility. In true Stephanie fashion, I led with: “Should I start sending all my Snapchat filter selfies now or later?” (don’t worry, the answer is yes, I do amuse myself). Here’s the part where you sit back, relax, and enjoy the show. His response: “Funny, Funny. I wonder what a vagina looks like filtered? Huh [insert light bulb emoji]. I have an idea. Test it out for us. Send me one both ways. I’ll let you know [insert smiley face emoji].”

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

Yep, this actually happened. Seriously. I responded and questioned why, on any planet in any point in time, he believed this response would be an acceptable way to speak to a woman. Ever. I recall using words like “disgusting” and “degrading” (I’m sure the screenshot is somewhere deep in the abyss of my iPhotos if you need evidence). His response? He was joking. Right. Super funny, dude. Real funny. Report. Block. Terminate. Bye.

If you’re single, you’re not surprised by this story. If you’re in a relationship, I hope to God you are completely astounded. And, while I often think dating apps are the absolute devil, it is also the current means to an end. Are you even a real single person if you are not on a dating app? Not even kidding. Okay, slight over exaggeration, but truly, never in our wildest teen years did us 30-something-year-olds imagine using our phones to score a significant other (AIM, sure, but not our phones).

So, I exist in my current reality. Fact: I’m single. Fact: I’m transient. Fact: I’d like to be in a relationship. Fact: I don’t care whether or not that relationship exists in a transient or stationary state. So, yes, if our vibe is high and you want to hop in the Airstream and explore every end of the earth, great. If you work in a job you love in a city that you call home, ask me to stay. Let’s ride the wave. Together. Because, seriously, doing life with someone who really gets you better than anyone else ever could is the real damn deal.

Back to dating. I don’t think anyone actually dates anymore. I am actually convinced that it’s not really a thing these days. There’s like pre-dating in which you entertain the idea of actually dating. And then there is friend-zoning or jumping deep into the abyss of quasi-matrimony. I speak with experience from the former, not the latter. And, mark my words, “friends with benefits” is so hot right now. I actually went toe-to-toe with two guy friends at a bar last weekend in a pursuit to convince them that the typical Millennial male is more often than not seeking a friend with whom he can simply have sex than an actual committed relationship (let’s just say they didn’t disagree). Because, I actually do believe that most men do not want to sleep around with handfuls of random girls. They seem to be perplexed by their own paradoxical existence of not wanting anything serious (i.e. being forced to attend your grandma’s 80th birthday with you) while simultaneously wanting to have sex as much as humanly possible.

Let me present to you exhibit A.

I moved to Denver in my Airstream last spring. I met a guy on Bumble who happened to be on the way to a bachelor party for the weekend. I assumed we would engage in an hour-long text conversation that would end with him asking me to send nudes or with him sending me a completely unsolicited dick pic (because, yes, as you can assume from the above scenario, guys really do that). I’d tell him to (a) Google a nude, any nude (most certainly not mine), if that’s what he wanted, or (b) I’d cuss him out for exposing himself like a disturbed and arrogant asshole, and I’d add another tally to my list of douchebags found in the wild.

Welp, surprisingly, he proved me wrong. Beyond that, he actually seemed interested in who I was as a human being, and he proceeded to text me non-stop over the course of the weekend. While at a bachelor party (I feel that this detail needs repeating).

So, he returns home three days later and we commit to actually meeting face to face (like, whoa). And, for lack of a better word, it’s flawless. We’re super funny together (priority one), conversation is natural, and chemistry is fire. We hang out for a few weeks, which inevitably leads to sex. Immediately, he drops the bomb: let’s be friends. Let’s. Be. Friends? Oh wait, I’m sorry, correction, let’s be BEST friends. Perfect. Great. Because, I’m really lacking in the best friend department (insert massive eye roll here).

At this point, I assume it will die out. I assume that he used the nice guy “let’s be friends” card in an attempt to save my feelings and he will vanish as quickly as he had appeared. But, no. He quite literally continues to pursue my friendship. For a month he asks me to do nearly everything with him. He also proceeds to pay for everything: climbing, concerts, movies. Let’s note here that he also proceeds to take my clothes off on a semi-regular basis (despite his constant commentary on us needing rules to prevent such happenings). Final bomb: after a Luke Bryan concert, while sitting on a bench enveloped by a Colorado night sky, he tells me that he loves my soul. I’m sorry, what? Like, we are dating, bro. We. Are. DATING. I don’t care what you title me, but let’s call this thing by its Urban Dictionary definition. He follows up this statement with the fact that I simply deserve better. One, I think I am being dumped for the first time without ever actually having been in an established relationship. Two, fuck off. No one gets to tell me what I deserve. I decide that. So, no, I don’t deserve better. You simply deserve less based on your own evaluation of whatever this thing is that we’re doing. Say that, please. Own that.

So, spring came. And, spring went.

Summer roared in like a lion, and I committed myself to rock faces and mountain peaks, two things that I find to be (surprisingly) much more predictable than men. I also dove even deeper into my work (don’t worry, the digital dating gods still delivered amidst my commitment to my professional projects).

Enter exhibit B.

As a freelance creative director and brand strategist, I work remotely for all of my clients. Idaho. California. Kentucky. Texas. I sometimes wonder if I have a subconscious goal to knock off all 50 states. With all that being said, I met a guy in another state who pursued me completely on his own accord. My vision had always been to travel with my Airstream, but I was never 100% certain on dates. This guy gets my number, he uses round-about questions to engage me in some witty banter, and low and behold he says, “Move down here and I’ll fix all your dating problems.” Wow. Bold statement. I like it. So, after a couple months in this state of flirting euphoria, I commit (amongst a sea of many factors, but I’m intrigued by what’s happening here). He calls me pet names and we have running jokes, and if you know me, these are the keys to my heart. So, I’m smitten kitten. Without any expectation of what will actually become of it. If anything.

The point here is that I show up. I have the luxury of saying yes and then doing something about it. I want to be next to him, so I choose that. Because his voice brings this uncanny smile to my face, and when his name appears on my iPhone notifications, there is a simultaneous level of excitement and comfort. He is fireworks, and he is coming home. And the beauty lies not only in the feeling, but also in the reciprocation of the feeling. Because, there is zero bone in my body that has interpreted anything that he’s told me as being untrue.

Until I’m there. Until I’m standing in front of him begging for every inch of contact. And, that alone becomes the culmination of months of aggressive flirting. Me. Begging (like, seriously, just kiss me before I scream). Because he likes me, but he doesn’t know. I’m sorry, what? Yes, he likes me, but he doesn’t know. Because, self-admittedly, he is a tease. And, he likes it, even though he’s not proud of it (his words, not mine). Perfect. Great. Because, my character flaw is not consuming enough water daily. The effect of this flaw on other people: zero.

At this point, I need to clarify two things. One, I respect people who have an awareness about what they do not know. There is nothing wrong with not knowing. I would take harsh honesty over a sugar-coated lie ten times out of ten. My frustration or disappointment or bewilderment exists in the actions that suggest otherwise. I get it, the pursuit is fun, but if you are not ready to take the elk out of the woods after the hunt, then why are you going hunting in the first place? Terrible metaphor, by the way, but rolling with it. Two, I do not believe in forcing anything in life. I spent far too many years making things happen in the pursuit of checking off items from some proverbial checklist (which is entirely bullshit, by the way). So, for someone not to choose me does not devastate my being. Yes, I have feelings. Lots of them. Too many of them, probably (hello, Leo over here). But, in a world where we get to choose everything (for argument’s sake), I’m not into forcing anyone into a choice that involves me.

What I have observed in this last eighteen months of singledom is that no one wants to commit. To anything. There is no need to commit to anything. Most guys are on dating apps to have sex. Okay, rephrase, most guys are on dating apps posing like they want something substantial in order to get sex. I actually have the most respect for bios that read, “If I’m being honest, just looking to hook up.” Bravo. Kudos to you, dude. Because, I have had my own seasons of wanting more and wanting less. And, there is nothing wrong with either choice. There is nothing wrong with existing in either space. It’s the lack of honesty that burns me to my core. Stop flirting with me if it’s not going anywhere. Stop wasting my time. I don’t need more friends off of Bumble, or sliding into my DMs, or through obscure means of getting my phone number. Truly. I’ve reached my lifetime quota after 34 years.

In tandem, what I have observed in the last eighteen months about myself is that I am, most certainly, a lover and believer of words. And, that is the crux. That online dating, or simply just dating, is this whole show of words. That are so easily believed. And it’s just all shit. If I had a dollar for every guy who suggested running away with me in my Airstream, I would have been able to pay straight cash for my new F-150 a few weeks ago. Seriously. There’s one in LA, and a couple in New Jersey, a handful in Texas, and so many in Colorado that I’ve actually stopped counting. Because the minute I say, “Okay, I’m calling you on this statement,” my experience indicates that they can’t live up to it.

Great, tell me all about your fantasies, homeboy, only to ghost two days later (or, better yet, I find out about your undying love for your current girlfriend on your second to last Instagram post from five days ago). Newsflash, smoother operator, this is my actual life over here. Hope you enjoyed your glimpse.

So, yes, I’m attempting to not grow cynical. I’m also attempting to unpack two very real personal questions. One, if a game must be played in order to win the affection of another, and that game requires me to act outside of my normal state, then am I even winning if I do “win?” For example, guy articulates that he doesn’t know if he wants anything. Then, the same guy asks for me to bring him food because he’s stuck at work. I show love through service, so naturally, my being is dying to deliver said food. But, guy advice (based on my current inner circle) is usually, don’t bring him the food: “He’s using you. If he can’t say that he wants you, but is willing to get favors from you, show him that you don’t have time to do him favors without him giving you a respectable level of commitment.” And, this is fair. This actually makes sense. But, still, I deliver the food (yep, that’s me) because, yep, that IS me. And, I don’t want to be anything but myself. Ever.

Two, what is my responsibility to give people space to be honest and themselves but also to guard my own heart in that process? I believe in ease. I believe that there are certain things in life that mysteriously and beautifully fall into place. I’d like to believe that a romantic relationship would unfold in a similar fashion. But, if this guy says he doesn’t know and then proceeds to engage with me in a fashion that suggests otherwise, should I believe his actions or his words? And, the fact that I’m asking that question is my answer, right? If the right person were standing in front of me, I’m confident I wouldn’t have to be choosing between his actions and his words in the first place because there would be an alignment in both areas that carries the level of integrity that I demand for in my own self. Yet, here I am, FaceTiming my best male friend at 7:32pm on a Wednesday night to ask how to respond to the 47th text message from a guy who just doesn’t know what it is that he wants from me, making me perplexed on how to proceed with my own verbiage and actions.

At this point, let’s add the nomadic element to the mix. And, I am quite confident that therein lies a bigger piece to this commitment-phobic puzzle. Because, it is easy to fall into a routine with someone who resides within your city limits and has a similar schedule to your scripted life. It is an entirely different thing to choose a person who has the freedom to leave. To ask someone to stay requires a deeper level of commitment. It means that someone is choosing for me to do life alongside him, and it means that we are taking off into the sunset together or I am abandoning the road to call someone my home. Ultimately, that choice is my desire. Because, the more I embark on adventures alone, the narrower the gap becomes for me to experience those things for the first time with someone else.

And, I’m starting to question whether or not anything is actually beautiful without it being shared, without it being seen through two sets of eyes in the same moment, if anything is real without the conversation of that thing existing between two coherent bodies.

So, I continue to sit and manifest these desires in the belief that, one day, I’ll be done with the exhibits. That, one day, someone will choose me, and I will choose him back. Without force. Without fear. Without the twenty questions. Granted, maybe I’ve already missed out on Mr. Perfect somewhere in between. Because I didn’t like his shoes. Or his haircut was weird. Or, I swiped left because he failed to include a bio (c’mon, guys). Regardless, I know that wanting something requires attention to that thing. I know that wanting someone requires intentionality to his existence. So, I’m here. Showing up. Attempting to live outside of our digital dead zone. Attempting to keep doing the work to have that one thing that my heart yearns to explore. I can reason that if it were easy, then everyone would do it. Like, really do it. It’s not easy. Not everyone does it. Like, really does it. But, it will damn well be worth it.

Meanwhile, if you need help with your pickup lines, don’t hesitate to slide into my DMs. They’re currently still free for the taking.

from Blog https://ondenver.com/the-silver-lining-online-dating-on-the-road/