#fill the cracks with gold ( ft. mana x calum )

[miengsol]

boyfriend turned on by girlfriend’s bullying 🤝 girlfriend finding glee in boyfriend’s irritation

[miengsol]

jello ( drabble two. )

aka the origin story of calum, mana, and jello.

word count: 694 words. *** The first time he sees her again, it’s been almost four months since he’s last heard from her. Five months since they’ve graduated from Vanovoir. Ten months since Daniel passed away.  

( And yet, the thought of him remains anchored in Calum’s heart. A metal weight drenched in water. It might rust with time, but to disappear completely? Probably never. Before it was a burden to carry, but now? Calum finds comfort in it. To carry another person, forever unchanged, wherever he goes. )

She’s thinner under the dim lights of the library she now works in. One could say doll-like, but with hardened eyes like hers, she likens more to a feral cat. On edge, ready to strike back at any moment. At first, it sends a shiver down his spine- is this really the friend he’s known for four years- before concern seeps in when she shoves a clipboard into his hands. She stumbles forward a step, gripping onto the counter between them for support.

It’s only when he shares a meal with her when he’s able to get a better look at her. Somehow he manages to convince her to visit him In his apartment. She’s not just thinner. She’s paler too, the air around her somehow still. What used to be simply quiet has become an oppressive silence. The way she stands now no longer seems fierce, intimidating, but now just fragile. A gust of wind could easily knock her over.

But it’s more than how Mana looks that scares Calum. It’s the way she plays with her food, takes hardly more than a few bites of the stir fry they’re sharing for lunch. It’s the way she turns down a cup of coffee from him. The Mana he remembers drank coffee on the daily. The Mana he remembers ate cookies and brownies and pudding on the daily. Would even steal them from the cafeteria as snacks for later. What happened in the five months he was gone?

But he can’t ask her any of that. All she tells him is that her stomach hurts when she eats most things. Anything sweet. Anything acidic. It’s always been that way between the two of them- never talking about past. Never poking at gaping wounds, even if it’s with an alcohol wipe.

But he can’t just watch her erode like this either.

So he thinks. What can he do? What can someone like him, someone with absolutely no nerve, do for her? Daniel would know what to do, he realizes. Daniel’s always known Mana better than Calum ever has. If he was here, Daniel would know what to say.

But Daniel is not here. And Calum is not Daniel.

Calum doesn’t even know where to start.

But then the answer comes to him. Not in the form of words- Calum’s never been all that eloquent with words anyways- but in the form of jello.

It makes sense, really. If he can’t reach her with words, he can at least do so with action. With food.

He looks away the first time he makes some for her. Collects the dirty dishes on the table to wash by hand. If she doesn’t eat much to begin with then it only makes sense that she’d be uncomfortable with people placing food in front of her, expecting her to dig in. It’s orange flavored, that one. Out of the corner of his eye, he watches her snatching the metal spoon up. And then the jello.

She puts a spoonful in her mouth and chew. Her eyes light up. It reminds him of the Mana he remembers seeing him off when he left for Seoul. And then she takes another spoonful. And another one. And another one. And another until the cup is empty.

After a little while, he returns to the kitchen table for the rest of the dishes.

“You finished it.” He notes, picking up her jello cup and spoon. Did you like it?

She peers over her book. “I was hungry, that’s all.” Yes I did. “What are you smiling for?”

“N-Nothing!” He keeps smiling anyways- small victories are victories nonetheless. “Nothing, I promise.”

[miengsol]

beach ( drabble one. )

aka that one time calum and his wife ( then-friend-maybe-girlfriend ) played hooky and went to the beach.

word count: 1566 words *** “I’ve never been to the beach before.”

He looks up from his dinner, across from her and the plate of home-cooked olive oil drenched spaghetti between them. Wait, what?

Mana fidgets, fork still in mid-air, strands of spaghetti wrapped around it. Once upon a time, she wasn’t able to eat it without vomiting it and the rest of her meal in the following hours. The technical explanation is that spaghetti and therefore all other carbs are acidic and a weak stomach needs anything but more acidity. She shoves the pasta into her mouth before swallowing. “What?”

Her voice has taken on an edge. A soft one, the kind found on a ruler- definite but sanded edge. She doesn’t put on that voice unless she’s uncomfortable. It’s probably being he’s staring at her, dumbfounded. Hurriedly, he looks away. “Sorry, I just-“ He looks up again. “But aren’t there beaches around here?”

She huffs. “That doesn’t count.”

Calum frowns, poking his fork at a cherry tomato. Juice spills out of its flesh onto the surrounding pasta. “Didn’t we go to Straten Island-“

Mana silences him with a look. Or maybe it’s more like he falls silent when she looks at him disbelievingly. “Have you ever heard anyone going New York City for its beaches?”

So maybe he does. They went there once, a few months back just as the summer heat started to seep into the city. Just as the cicadas started to wake up. But maybe he only remembers the beach because this is only the first summer he’s lived through in the city. “…Right.”

And then she softens. She knows, doesn’t she? The way voices can make him flinch. A lot of things make him flinch though, the way his roommate will bring up his family, never picking up he wants to stay as far away from them as possible, the way a taxi honks on a busy street, the way his boss will unintentionally raise her voice when the stress piles on high.

Mana never raises her voice. Well hardly ever does. It doesn’t mean what she says is any less sharper. She’s always been that way, her and her steel-tipped thoughts loose on her tongue, and she’s never once apologized for that. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t think too much on it when she sets her fork down.

“I just…I’ve never swam in the ocean before. Gone to a boardwalk.” In her own way, she makes it up to him. Understands he’s just naturally shaky and if she’s anything less than herself, that would be a disservice to him. He can take it, absorb it like a sponge just fine.

“Didn’t you say your grandma used to live by a beach back in Vietnam?”

She raises a brow. “She did. When did I tell you that?”

“A few weeks ago. You needed to drop her letter off at the post office. She almost drowned  once, but she kept on coming back anyways.”

Mana nods in acknowledgement, impressed even. Pride swells in his chest, but only for a moment. “We never had time to go there.” She picks up her fork again. “Or anywhere, really. Guess that’ll be a problem if the sea levels keep rising.”

***

A few weeks later, he pulls it off. Him, Mana, at a beach with a boardwalk.

It’s his mom’s fault really, ordering him to come back home for the yearly family reunion, an event he’s always hated. So maybe they should’ve been at the house, listening his mother complain about this and that, extended relatives asking unwanted nosy questions about his ( and Mana’s ) personal lives, keeping his head down as they tell him what he ought to be, what he should be doing, all while poking at his weaknesses. He doesn’t have to say yes, he realizes. He’s a full grown adult with a job and financial independence, after all. But the thought of disobeying his mother paralyzes him.

And maybe he is ashamed at the fact. But that doesn’t mean he can’t still rebel.

( If it’s for Mana, he’d defy anything for her. Maybe one day he’ll be strong enough to do it for himself too. )

At the shore, Mana bends down for a closer look at the water. Her hair falls over her shoulders, glistening in the morning sunlight. The water rushes in, bits of sand and seaweed tickling the skin between his toes.

“You remembered,” she states. It’s said more as a fact than a question.

He bends down next to her. The water isn’t clear, but that’s just the way the beaches in New Jersey have always been. Murky sea-green waters with seaweed and rocks, and seashells scattered throughout. “You…said you’ve never been to the ocean before so I just, figured-”

“Mrs. Reynolds is not going to happy. Us playing hooky.”

He cringes. That’s one thing he’s not looking forward to thinking about. “I’ll… worry about that later.” And then he steals a glance at her. “Do you like it? I mean, I know the water isn’t exactly the prettiest and like it can get crowded, but Daniel and I and our friends would go here a lot during the summer and-

She takes his hand and squeezes gently. “Calum, it’s perfect. Thank you.”

Looking back, he realizes he wasn’t breathing there. Heartbeat slows down. Her hand is warm in his own. They’ve been doing that a lot recently, haven’t they? Holding hands. Most of the time it happens when they’re getting on a subway together, a means of make sure they don’t get lost in the crowd. Sometimes she doesn’t let go even after they’ve climbed the stairs up the subway station. And then she lets go.

“C’mon, let’s go in the water.”

“Huh?” The water splashes onto his knees as she stands up, walking further in. The waves rise from her ankles up to her calves. “Wait, but you didn’t bring a bathing suit.”

She turns towards him, raises a brow. “Do I need that to go in?”

“You said you don’t know how to swim!”

 A smile tugs at her lips. Laughter. He thinks he should bottle it up so he can remember it later for a bad day down the road. “Well then, you’ll teach me, won’t you?”

( So he does. He came prepared, wearing swim shorts for the occasion. They don’t get too far in. She gets nervous when she can’t feel solid ground beneath her feet, but she does learn how to hold her breath underwater. He holds her hands all the way through and doesn’t let go. He doesn’t let go either when they move from the beach to the boardwalk, only letting go when a. she buys the cheapest dress she can find because her clothes are drenched in sea water and b. he sees the crane game machine in the arcade and feels a compulsive need to win that Gudetama plushie in the corner. He uses up all his quarters and doesn’t win it, much to his dismay. Mana snorts but clasps a hand around his fingers. A consolation prize, he thinks.

“I’ll get you that one for your birthday.” She promises him. )

***

At the end of the night, after the boardwalk has cleared up, after they’ve walked on the beach in pitch black, Mana turns towards him. Calum looks up from his phone- he has ten missed phone calls from his mother, five from his father, and another three from his sister. And that’s only counting the missed calls notifications on his phone’s screen. Mana tugs on his hand for his attention. The boardwalk is empty and the dim lights of the street lamps light the way. A sea breeze blows through between them.

 “Thank you.” She tells him. “I had a wonderful day, Calum.”

And then she leans in closer. His heart speeds up as he realizes she’s just kissed him on the cheek. Oh. He nearly drops the phone in his hand. That’s new too, isn’t it? They’ve never had that conversation, have they- about what they’re supposed to be. For a moment, Calum considers asking her right there and then. He also considers cups her face and kissing her right there and then.

But then she steps back, flustered. They’re still holding hands. “…Right,” she then says, with the usual soft edge on her voice. “We should- we should probably head back now.”

He blinks but then squeezes her hand. It’s okay, he realizes. They can take it one day at a time. Just being with her is more than enough right now. “Okay. Let’s go home now.”

( And at the car, as she climbs into the passenger seat, his phone vibrates. It’s another call from his mom. His high from the boardwalk drops. He stares at it for a long moment, thumb hovering over the call button before Mana plucks the phone out of his hand and hangs up, much to both his horror and relief.

“Don’t worry about her,” she reassures him, eyes glistening in the dark. “I’ll tell her I kept on bugging you to take me to the beach and you couldn’t say no.” And Mana laughs. “She can’t yell at you for playing hooky then, can she?”

His heart swells. Yeah, Calum says.

For Mana, he can do anything. He’ll do anything if it’s for her. )

[miengsol]

selfish ( drabble four. )

aka the one time mana was an asshole ( because calum was too nice to do so ).

word count: 1295 words. ***

How? How do you do it every day, every time without fail?

She watches him from her usual spot at the dining table. The crowd Irene has invited this time around is greater than usual, all spots on their patchy blue couch filled along with most of the spots on the floor around the coffee table. He’s been running back and forth a few times now, vacating his spot at the table over and over to make sure the snacks on the table are filled to the brim of each bowl. Each time he leaves, she wonders if the circle is going to close over his spot and not open up when he returns.

It never happens. Thankfully, Mana adds in her head, if not sardonically. It’s the least they could do for him all these years.

( As for her, well, these gatherings have never been quite up Mana’s alley. She might’ve known these people, the KSA Board of her year,  since her college days, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re her friends. Actually, if she had it her way, she would be at the library, reading.

Calum’s puppy eyes are dangerous tools. )

She’s not paying too much attention to the conversation across the room, until someone says something along the lines of:

“Hey, remember that time we went out for hot pot the night before our showcase?”

Irene, without even a single eyelash out of place, smiles. Her lip gloss glistens in the light of the living room. “Oh, I remember that. You kept on complaining about how you were craving hot pot for the last few days. You wouldn’t stop talking about it until we had some.”

The person who brought it up, ( Mana believes that’s the former President of KSA ) laughs. “Well it was worth it, wasn’t it? All of the juniors at the time going into the city at midnight to eat. That kind of thing can only happen in college.” Calum rejoins the circle, this time with multiple cups of jello. He sets the tray on the table. A few hands go to grab them. “Oh hey, Calum, were you there for that one?”

Calum, doe eyes blinking, frowns. He’s thinking. “That was…before the showcase, right?”

“Yep, the one with the set that you-“ The president pauses.

Oh wait. Mana bites the inside of her cheek. She remember this one- their junior year. Calum took it on himself to finish painting the set since KSA was late on its progress. He had texted her for asking for company at midnight since everyone had seemed to have disappeared for the night. They didn’t talk about the Insta stories the KSA officers took of their time in the city.

“You didn’t miss too much.” Irene suddenly pipes up. “Really, it was just one outing.”

The former KSA president scratches the back of his head. “Yeah, forgot that we didn’t really start hanging out until our senior year- Mana!” He then exclaims, almost like he’s thankful for the distraction from Calum. Calum, who is still smiling though she can see it. The way his eyes dull a little, the way his smile feels a little more hollow, like it’s been cheaply plastered on.  By then, she’s crossed the room, reaching into the circle. “Did you like our part of the showcase, by the way? Never got around to asking that.”

Mana  doesn’t answer at first. Did she? The only reason she went was because Calum ( and Daniel, always Daniel ) talked so much about it. She swipes up the last cup of jello. “I liked the set design, considering it was a one-man job.” *** “You’re too good to them.”

Calum looks up, confused. He’s in the middle of scrubbing the scraps of pasta off of a dish. His hands are still submerged in the bubbles.

           It’s later. They’re in the kitchen together, side by side with a pile of dirty dishes in the sink. The dishwasher bubbles, the heat pressing against her jeans. Outside, she can hear them talking, chattering on about the old days combined with the days and years to come. It’s a cacophony that somehow has a melody to follow.

A melody that also disregards its harmonies too. Mana doesn’t say anything, wordlessly holding a hand out for the plate he’s washing. He hands it to her and she wipes with the Gudetama towel hanging over the stove handle.

They finished dinner about an hour ago and Calum volunteered to clean the dishes. Of course he did with the excuse of wanting to get a head start on cleaning. Everyone else should keep enjoying themselves in the meanwhile. If Mana were to reword that, it’d probably more like, ‘it shouldn’t be anyone else’s burden to clean’. Irene included. He does this every single time.

Mana joins him in the kitchen every single time too.

“KSA.” Mana finally answers, towel brushing over the edge the plate. The porcelain is still warm from the water. She sets the plate in the dishrack. They’re barely going to be able to fit the rest of the dishes there. “You’re better than them. Back then. You still are.”

He frowns, hands picking up a bowl. The tomato sauce falls into the soapy water before sinking into the drain. “That…I don’t think that’s true. We were young back then; I’m sure they didn’t mean it, excluding me. They were just trying to have fun, pass time.” He hands the dish to her, water droplets running over his wrist before in one clean motion flicking his hands over the sink. He has the sleeves of his button-down folded up to his elbows, citing wet sleeves as unpleasant to feel. She can see the gears in his head thinking and churning. Doesn’t it get tiring, she’ll ask him one day, considering her feelings as if they were his own? And then: “I…I still like them. They aren’t bad people and I wouldn’t…I want to hang out with them still.”

Mana snorts, grabbing the bowl from him. Technically she doesn’t have to do this, wiping the dishes down. The dish rack is there for a reason. But even so. It’s an excuse she’ll give, if it means standing next to him as he insists on taking on the menial work so someone else doesn’t have to do it.

“I know.” Her voice is even, even though it amazes and frustrates her.

He doesn’t want to be alone. That’s why he takes on all the work himself, hoping that one day they’ll notice he was there all along.

They won’t ever. Not the way he deserves to be.

The rag is wet under her fingers. Moist. She’ll throw it in the dryer later. For now, she’ll need a paper towel for the rest of the dishes. “I want boba,” she says finally. And some space, she doesn’t add. “Let’s go get some after we finish the dishes.”

He brightens if only for a moment- boba, a sweet spot in his tastebuds, but then it fades as he looks to her, confused. “But what about the others-“

A sharp glance in his direction. Hard eyes. “I know. Irene can handle them just fine.”

He frowns. The center of his brow furrows as he grips the sponge a little tighter. She huffs. Guilt- again, he doesn’t need it. Not for KSA.

“C’mon, it’ll just be for fifteen minutes.” She speaks up again. “We can even ask them if they want us to bring some back. You can tell them it was my idea.” She turns to him, eyes softening for him. “Please? I want some.”

He finally nods, hands still in the sink. “Okay.”

So in that case, I’ll be the selfish one. For your sake.

[miengsol]

tru love is making jello on a weekly basis for the girl you like bc you know she hasn’t been eating ( trigger warning: mentions of vomit and eating disorders ) and you can’t force her to see a health professional so your best bet is to make jello as a means of enticing her to come visit you so you can at least make sure she’s eating something and if it gets worse you can get her to a hospital as fast as possible. also you probably have some unresolved issues ( ie. the death of high school best friend which you were both devastated by ) with her that you know you need to address but she doesn’t want to talk about it and you don’t want to lose her again.

[miengsol]

calum: *next to wife/girlfriend in bed looking like this* 😊 mana: stop looking at me like that calum: 😧 mana: ...i changed my mind. keep looking at me calum: 🥰

[miengsol]

gift ( drabble three. )

aka when mana got him a present for no reason in particular.

word count: 416 words

***

She pushes something into his hands. “Got you something.”

Which doesn’t come unwelcomed but it does bring up questions. The package comes wrapped in clumsily folded newspaper. Multiple pieces of tape line the folds in all angles.

“…Thank you? Um, is there a reason?”

Mana rolls her eyes to which Calum can’t help but wince at. She’s gotten him a gift after all- it’s more important to be grateful for the gift itself rather than be skeptical of the reason. But he can’t help but wonder the occasion anyways. She’s always been stingy when it comes to money.

“Do you want it or not?”

“O-Of course I do!” Hastily, he pulls at the taped edges, careful not to tear at the paper. What he initially thinks is a box turns out to be more cylindrical- she holds out a hand to hold the wrapping paper for him.

Which he readily takes, handing her piece after piece of newspaper. “How many pieces did you use-“

“Just ignore it.”

When the last piece comes off, he finds himself holding a glass set of measuring cups. The handles are color coded- red for one cup, purple for 1/8 of a cup.

“Measuring cups? But don’t you have a set in your cabinet?”

Mana nods, looking away. “You’re always nagging me to use them so I figured you needed some.”

He doesn’t mention that he actually already has a set in his kitchen. It’s glass just like the one she’s gotten for him, but it is not color coded. But still, the fact that she even got them for him to begin with-

“I just…I thought of you when I saw it, that’s all.” She hastily adds. “Look, if you don’t want it you can return it. I put the receipt in there.”

He sets the measuring cups to the side and hugs her with a bright smile. “I don’t want to. Thank you.”

***

“You’re in a good mood today.” Irene, his roommate, notes as he’s baking a cheesecake while humming to the radio. “Something good happen today?”

He flashes his roommate a grin, putting the rubber spatula in the batter for the cheesecake. “Mana got me a gift.”

“Oh, that’s nice. What’d she get you?”

He grins, pulling the measuring cups out of the cabinet. “These.”

“But don’t you have a set already?”

“I do. But she got me these- Irene, why are you looking at me like that?”

Irene sighs, rubbing her temple. “You two are literally the densest people I’ve ever met.”

[miengsol]

ic tags.