#figured out the issue i had w replying to posts
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chojuuro · 2 years ago
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oh yeah im back whassup
its been almost a year since my pinned post was last updated. whoopsie
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httpsserene · 1 year ago
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𝖍𝖙𝖙𝖕𝖘𝖘𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖓𝖊'𝖘 1𝖐 𝖘𝖕𝖊𝖈𝖎𝖆𝖑
welcome to the table of contents for my one-thousand followers special !
i'm baffled at the amount of love and support from all of you; in under the two-months i've been writing on this blog, i've managed to have good enough writing to convince you guys to save my blog. i started writing f1 ff's with the sole purpose to provide more black!reader based content, and i never imagined that i'd have a thousand eyes reading my delusional scenarios lol. thank you, truly, from the bottom of my heart :)
as promised, the special event is a continuation of the first upload of my f1 kinktober series. those of you who were desperate for a part-two of the corruption kink with charles leclerc / max verstappen / black!reader--here it is, in abundance. a five-part series (including the f1-ktober upload). merry christmas, loves xxx
if you would like to be added to this series' taglist, send me an ask or leave a reply.
all episodes uploaded at 12 PM EST on their release date.
posts tagged as # httpss :// 1k special.
all works can be found in my table of contents (m.list).
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𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐥𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐬
𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆: max and charles don’t mind receiving a five-second penalty for slipping past your boundaries. seeing a black and white flag doesn’t scare them in the slightest; not when you're performing so well under their guidance. 𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴: charles leclerc / max verstappen x fem!black!reader 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗿𝗲: multi-chaptered series.
view playlist? ↴
pilot: corruption kink w/ charles leclerc and max verstappen
innocent and virgin !reader has never touched herself before. she knows how to, in theory, but whenever she tries, she chickens out. her tried and true way of receiving pleasure is failing her. she thinks that maybe it's time to allow her relationship with her two respectful and experienced boyfriends, to reach the next step. and she'll find that they're very willing to teach her a few things.
episode two: 𝗿𝗲𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝘃𝗼𝗿 | handjobs | 12/9/23
slightly less innocent, virgin!reader has had her view of pleasure shifted. her libido has increased to insane levels after she finally allowed her boyfriends to fix her…dry spell. charles and max have no issues with helping her ride out her newfound sexual appetite, and figure that she may be ready to take the next step. or, more accurately, take the next hand.
soundtrack - gun • doja cat
episode three: 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗰𝘂𝗿𝘃𝗲 | fingering | 12/11/23
tainted, virgin!reader is growing tired of grinding against her boyfriends. she’s never touched herself before—no toys, no fingers, no fondling—the friction from a pillow used to be enough. but, maybe having something inside of her isn’t as terrifying as she believed. charles’ pretty pianist fingers don’t look too scary, and they way he raves about how talented max’s daunting thicker fingers are; well, she could be convinced to see what all the fuss is about.
soundtrack - pressure • ari lennox
episode four: 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗼𝗻𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗮𝗹 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘄𝘁𝗵 | oral sex | 12/15/23
soiled, virgin!reader is well aware of her boyfriends’ desire to eat her alive, sorry, to eat her out. from the way they can’t resist drinking her wetness off their (or her own) fingers, to the way they can’t stop running their mouths about getting their mouths on you: they’ve made how desperate they are, very clear. for some reason, she can’t get past her mental block to allow them to feast between her legs, or to taste what’s between theirs. max figures she just needs a demonstration to quell her fears; charles is a more than willing participant.
soundtrack - super freaky girl • nicki minaj
finale: 𝘂𝗻𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝘀𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗿 | vaginal sex | 12/17/23
tonight, innocent and virgin!reader will be defiled, deflowered, tarnished—whichever word you prefer. from the moment she told them she was ready to lose her virginity, they’ve been carefully planning out a special night, for her. and shockingly, there’s not an ounce of fear, anxiety, or doubt in her mind—max and charles have gained her complete trust. they haven’t given her a single reason to believe that they wouldn’t treat her right. she couldn’t have asked for better men to take her virginity—if this is corruption, she’s delighted to experience it.
soundtrack - wet dreamz • j.cole
𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐬 ↴
extra scene: downforce
all my (terrified and oversensitive) homies hate vibrators!! max and charles introduce you to something better
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© httpsserene2023
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nyoomerr · 5 months ago
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Luo Binghe Shimeji (Extended Version!)
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a couple years ago, riladoo created an adorable binghe shime! he could be picked up and tossed around your computer screens, climb around on all your windows, multiply, and all the other cute things that come in the standard base shimeji set.
more recently, i reached out to riladoo with a commission request - more action sets for binghe! over the past couple months, riladoo has worked hard to make some adorable binghe art, and i've updated all the source code and config files to accommodate the new actions! 🎉
the extended action set includes: - a 'sit and eat' idle action - two 'head patting' actions when the mouse hovers over him - a 'fall and cry' action for when he falls from tall heights - a 'land nicely' action for when you place him down gently
the original binghe shime listing on riladoo's gumroad has been updated to have all these new actions, so go grab him now!! he's free / pay what you want! 🥰
i've put more details about the new action sets + general shimeji setup tips below the cut, but otherwise -- LET THE BINGHE COMPUTER INFECTION COMMENCE !!
**these extended actions only work on windows, not mac. sorry ;w; the original shime set has a mac version, though!
Extended Action Set Details
when you download the files from riladoo, you're looking for the .zip file labeled "Updated Shime code" !
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sit and eat this is an idle action that will trigger randomly the same as any other idle action. if you want to trigger it manually, you can right click the shime -> 'set behavior' -> 'sit and eat'
head pats these are 'stay' actions that will trigger automatically when you hover your mouse over the shime. i recommend hovering your mouse over his head for maximum head-pat-effectiveness! unfortunately, this action won't play if the shime is actively climbing a wall/ceiling - maybe in the future this can be extended further, but for now there are only head patting actions for sitting and standing poses :>
falling variations (crying / default / land nicely) there are now a total of 3 'falling' actions. to see the 'fall and cry' action, allow binghe to fall from the top half of your monitor. to see the standard/original 'fall and trip' action, allow binghe to fall from the low-mid range portion of your monitor. to see the 'land nicely' action, gently place binghe down at the bottom of your monitor. this means you're rewarded for catching binghe when he falls off a window - if you catch him and set him down, he lands nicely, but if you let him fall normally, he'll start crying!! 🥰
Shimeji Installation Tips
if you've never had a shimeji before - don't worry, they're super easy to install! i recommend following this video tutorial created by the person who originally created the source code for shimeji. you can skip the parts about downloading the shimeji itself - you'll get that from riladoo's website :>
if you install everything but opening the shimeji executable does nothing, download jarfix to resolve this issue.
if you follow the tutorial and update the 'interactive windows' but the shime still doesn't stand/climb on the specified windows, restart your computer to resolve this issue. alternatively, make sure you don't have any 'unexpected' monitors plugged in - a friend of mine had their shime constantly falling down through their monitor onto their screen drawpad, which was confusing until it got figured out!
if you are on mac instead of windows.... i am so sorry i actually have no idea how to help 🙇‍♂️ the original/default binghe shimeji set DOES have a mac os folder in with the downloads, but i've never tested it (don't use mac), and even if it works, it won't include the extended actions (i didn't build an executable for mac with the new code).
More Questions???
feel free to hit me up! in the replies of this post / through DMs / send an ask - whatever is best for you. i'll tag any asks i get about the shime with #binghe shime chronicles so they get archived nicely. i got very familiar with all the source code / config files to get this lil guy set up with his extended actions, so hopefully i can answer any questions you have! 💪😤
that's all!! i am so happy w how the new actions turned out - the art riladoo did for them is SO cute! - and i hope y'all will be, too!
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innies-goth-gf · 3 months ago
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Things aren’t what they seem.
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Things aren’t always what they seem - Prologue
Pairing : Ot8🗝️ x Reader Genre : Supernatural 🦇, Romance 💌, Angst 🌧️, Fluff 🪽, Smut 🥀, Crack 🪿 Summary : You get a strange letter in the mail one day from your long lost friend asking you to meet up. What happens when you meet him and his friends and they aren't exactly what they seem? Or. You find out ur friend and his friends are mythical creatures and you live in a world amongst creatures like them and so much more. W/C : 1.1k Warnings : This story will contain a lot of dark/mature themes such as the following; Graphic depictions of violence, Drugs and Alcohol, and much more. Smut warnings : This story will eventually have smut scenes, some which may not be suited for most people. | Minors DNI | Notes : So I’m fairly new to posting on here and tbh I haven’t seen many people post multiple chapter fics so idk if this’ll do well or anything but I decided to post this here anyways. I actually started this like beginning of June but had to stop writing by mid July because of medical issues and couldn’t pick up writing again till last week. I’ve only recently gotten back into writing since then so I hope that I’m still ok at it and that you guys will enjoy. I also uploaded this a while ago on Ao3/Wattpad if you’d prefer to read this one there. (Ao3 : Seungmins_goth_ff) (Wattpad : hansgothgirlfriend) [Master list] [Things aren’t what they seem - Series]
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You had one goal, get home, and get in bed.
You’d woken up today with a plan in mind, relax and lounge around. Of course though, life has other plans. Your boss has called you at the crack of dawn, asking you to come in since they’d be short staffed. Obviously you agreed, you always had a hard time saying no.
So now you were walking back home after a long shift, wanting no more than to get into bed and stay there.
Without even realizing it, you were already walking inside your building. Inside you grabbed your mail, not even bothering to check it before making your way towards the elevators.
Once you neared them, you spotted a familiar figure. “Oh hi Alex!” You exclaimed, greeting the man who stood by the elevators. “Oh hey what's up?” He asked.
The elevator doors opened just then, letting you both inside. “Not much, just haven’t seen you around lately so I wanted to say hi,” You replied. “Ah, I’ve been busy with work you know? Thankfully I’m going on a vacation soon!” he replied enthusiastically.
“Ah sounds nice!” you reply. “Yeah, what about you? Isn't summer break for you soon? Got any plans for that?’
You pondered for a bit. You didn't have much planned, you didn't have any friends to hang out with. “I dunno, maybe just chill at home?”
“Ah well hope you can enjoy your summer break, see you around!” He said, stepping off the elevator. You thanked him and wished him the same, stepping off yourself and walking towards your unit.
‘Man, what AM I gonna do all summer?’ You thought, walking into your apartment. Well, that’d be something you’d figure out later. Right now, you are going to chill in bed and order some food. You hadn’t realized how hungry you were, tiredness taking over you.
You set your things down on your coffee table and slumped on your couch, stretching a bit. You reach for your purse to grab your phone when something else catches your attention. A letter in between all your other mail.
‘Huh, what's this..?’ You grabbed the envelope and checked to see who it was from.
“From: Channie ;)”
“What the fuck no way…” You whispered to yourself as you tore the envelope open. Taking out the paper inside you began reading it.
“Dear Y/N,
It’s been a while hasn’t it? How have you been? I hope you've alright.
I know this letter probably comes to you as a big surprise. You probably have a lot of questions for me and I know I have a lot of explaining to do. For that reason I am writing to you. I would like to explain everything to you properly, in person.
I know this might be a lot to process but please think about it. Please think about it. And stay safe out there Y/N, I miss you.
Love, Channie ᡣ𐭩”
Behind the note there was a plane ticket and another little note simply saying “Don't worry about a hotel either. Just come from the airport to this Address.” with an address written down.
Speechless couldn’t even begin to explain how you felt right now, you didn’t know how to even begin to process what you had just read.
Before you’d even realized tears started spilling out of your eyes, you couldn’t hold it in anymore. You began to sob, your living room filled with ugly crying and hiccups here and there.
You really couldn’t believe it, you couldn’t believe he was still alive out there. You felt a mix of emotions, you were happy to know he was alive and fine but part of you was angry. You were angry at him for leaving you by yourself, leaving you suddenly with no explanation.
You’d known Chan all your life, you grew up with him.
Meeting him was one of the best things that had ever happened to you, he was your closest and only friend growing up, he was always there for you and cared for you. You loved him to death.
But your friendship had only lasted till your second year of high school.
You remember it so clearly, almost as if it had happened yesterday.
You’d woken up that morning and done your usual routine, brushed your teeth, washed your face, did your hair, picked out an outfit, and did your makeup. Just like every other day.
Usually, on your way to school, you’d meet up with Chan for a quick stop at the convenience store, just for some snacks.
You were almost at the front of the store, yet you didn’t see a sign of him in sight. Still you waited and waited till for him, the seconds turning into minutes and the minutes into an hour. You couldn’t wait any longer than that, you’d be late.
That day during school he didn’t turn up, nor did he the next, nor the weeks that followed. It’d been ages now, not having heard a peep from him. You were super worried about him, it wasn’t like him to miss school this many days in a row, much less not tell you about it. None of your texts seemed to go through, you were growing more and more worried by the day.
You have tried everything. You called, texted, and asked everyone you knew if they had seen him or his family. You even turned up to his house a few times to try to find out what had happened but every time you went there was no answer, no signs of anyone inside, not even a car in the driveway.
Soon you had come to find out that one day he and his whole family had just disappeared with no explanation. No one knew how or when. They probably left sometime during the night so no one would notice.
Ever since that day you never stopped thinking about him, wondering what happened to him, if he was ok or not, why he left.
That was, until today.
You sat there and thought long and hard about it. You were starting to have doubts as to if this letter was even real or if any of this was legit. It's not like you were just going to blindly follow what this letter says without much questioning. But in the back of your head, something told you that this was real. You felt it, and you trusted your intuition.
Jumping up from your couch you started heading towards your room. You had made up your mind. And so, you started packing.
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ursemma · 7 months ago
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You're the best thing that's ever been mine!
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Mattheo Riddle × fem!reader
Warning: trauma, angst, mention of knifes, alcohol, domestic fight, Pansy being a bitch, overthinking mention of depression and anxiety, loneliness, fluff, reassurance. Let me know if I missed anything (Happy ending!)
Post Hogwarts
Summary: basically based on Taylor Swift's Mine song.
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'Do you remember, we were sittin' there by the water?
You put your arm around me for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine'
Being a guarded person never in my life I thought I would sneak out, that too in the middle of night with Mattheo Riddle, but here I'm sitting by a lake with him, being wrapped around his arms, it's safe to say he brings out a rebel in me and I feel safe with him.
Flash forward, and we're takin' on the world together
And there's a drawer of my things at your place'
Fast forward one year later, we left the town and I moved in with him, he had a place in the town we're staying at. It was our first year anniversary and I bought a cake for him and a watch as a gift. "Matty I'm home." I announced as I kept the cake on the table. Hearing no response I decided to look for him in our bedroom and there he was and there's a drawer of my things at his place and that is open I think I know what's going on.
'You learn my secrets and you figure out why I'm guarded
You say we'll never make my parents' mistakes'
The horror flushed into my eyes as I saw him reading my diary. I've written my entire childhood in that. How my father was alcoholic and how he used to neglect us, how my mother was so busy in work that she basically forgot she had a kid, how my parents reckless and careless behaviour made me so gaurded, how lonely I was my entire childhood that led anxiety and depression at an early age and how pathetic and weak person I was. And how it led to sever attachment issues and fear of being abandoned.
"w-what are you doing with that?" I asked him while carefully trying to read his expression hoping I wouldn't find a glimpse of disgust. Being an overthinker I can't help but think of worst of everything.
"why didn't you tell me?" He asked with curiosity. "Tell you what?" I tried to play it cool but I knew I lost.
"Don't. Don't do that. open up to me, I want to know everything of you y/n/n. Every peice of you. From your worst moments to your proudest, embarrassing to your happiest, darkest to your lightest. Every single thing. And I can't do that if you won't let me." He replied with a serious gaze and that truly made me break.
"what do you want to know? That my father abandoned us and went to exile and suddenly appeared when I was what like 13? And he used to come home drunk and every day I used to witness him and mom fighting every fucking night? Which used to remind me when I was just a fucking toddler my uncle used to do the same the only difference was that my uncle and aunt used to have a fucking knife pointed at each other. My mom trying to be a perfect mother she is neglected me by drowning herself into work. I was all alone witnessing everything with no one by my side. Scared from everything I used to lock up in my bedroom. I had no friends not even in school. I was bullied by my ex and his friends just because I broke up with him. I didn't had anyone to rely on. My fucking friends left me at my worst mattheo. Is that want you want to hear? how pathetic i am??. I replied while breaking down and he wrapped his arms around me while comforting me.
"first you're not pathetic. Second yes. I want to hear all of it every little detail of your life. If you don't tell me what hurted you how am I going to help you heal? I want to be their for you. In every step in your life I want to be their with you. And remember it's not your fault. And we'll never make your parents mistake. I'm not abandoning you or leaving you. You're never gonna get rid of me, you get tired? Sleep. And when you're feeling okay come back to me. The minute you agreed to be my girlfriend was the minute it was decided it's gonna be till death do us apart." He softly reassured me and that's what I needed to hear. For someone to tell me that it's not my fault. That they are going to be their for me. That it's ride or die.
'Do you remember, we were sittin' there by the water?
You put your arm around me, for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine'
Me and Matty laid down on our bed and I told him every single detail of my life. And suddenly he spoke "do you remember our first date?" "Oh yes! You took me to the lake and we were sitting by the water!!" I exclaimed as i remembered the memory. "Yeah I can't believe that you snuck out for me" he chuckled. "Yeah and now I ran away with you and left the town" I replied with amusement. "I can't believe that I made a rebel of a careless man's carefull daughter and you're the best thing that's ever been mine."
I looked into his eyes as he said those words and saw nothing but sincerity. "You're the best thing that's ever been mine too, Matty, and I would break thousands of rules if it means spending every second of my lifetime with you." He looked at me smiled and pulled me in for a kiss. "Oh yeah?? Where's my rule following good girl i kinda missed her" he teased me and started to tickle me. "Oh my god Matty stop" i giggled and we spent the night cuddling in eachothers arms.
It's been two years since that incident and me and Mattheo grew up alot more as a couple. I heard his friends are in town and we're going to meet them. "Hiee I'm Lorenzo but you can call me Enzo it's nice to meet you mattheo talks alot about you whenever we meet or calls or text" he excitedly introduced himself.
So I met Theodore, Blaise, Enzo and Draco and they all were friendly, i already like them. As we were about to eat a girl introduced herself, "oh you can't be eating without me can you?" She looked over us and suddenly the table went silent.
"hey I'm Pansy Parkinson, Mattheo's e-" as she was about to complete the sentence "friend. She's our friend." Draco quickly answered. "Oh come on Draco you wouldn't want her to know how me and Mattheo used to smoke late night and cuddle up together? Is that what friends do? How we used to party till late forgetting about the world." Pansy spoke with a smirk and i already got a mean girl vibe from her. I looked over to mattheo and was glaring at her I was hoping for a explanation but was met with a silence.
"oh come on theo scoot over i heard this was a friends reunion and i wasn't invited" she said while taking a seat. "This was a meet up of the boys with my girlfriend pansy and it was better off without you, and i think by not inviting you clearly gives a massage that I didn't wanted you to be here" Mattheo spoke while shooting draggers at her. "Oh come on Mattheo did you forget i was always a party crasher?" She replied by throwing a wink at him.
The entire dinner went silently and I got up and went to restroom to wash my hands "oh comeon do you really think Mattheo loves you?" I heard pansy's voice. "I mean you are completely opposite of his type. You don't party, you don't smoke, you don't dress up, you aren't even that pretty and comeon you aren't even that confident. And trust me Mattheo is known Playboy, if you ask any girl from our school 8 out of 10 girls has dated him. He can't keep a girl longer and you're nothing but another experiment for him" As she spoke insecurity started to crawl up my skin. I mean she was right wasn't she, he has a reputation to keep, he would leave me if he find a better one, and i being myself would be left alone just like always. I'm not pretty enough, i don't do anything he likes, I don't smoke, i don't drink infact i hate alcohol, I lack confidence, I'm weak, I'm fragile, I'm pathetic. "Yeah you're right." With that i left the restroom.
I stared to think about everything she said and don't know how but I ended up at the nearest park.
'And I remember that fight, 2:30 AM
As everything was slipping right out of our hands
I ran out, crying, and you followed me out into the street'
I didn't realised it was 2:30 Am I looked at my phone and there were 80+ missed calls and 150+ msgs from Mattheo, there were 50+ calls and msgs from his friends. "Shit" cursing my self I decided to go home. "Y/n/n is that you??" Mattheo exclaimed with relief as he saw me leaving the park. I was about to exit but he came towards me.
"Where were you why weren't you answering calls and massages and what happened to you?" He asked me scanning my face. " A- as you can see I- I was at the park and m-mattheo after thinking alot I- I think it's best if we-" i stuttered while speaking. 'pathetic. Can't even speak without fumbling. Pansy was right he'll get tired of me.' the devil in me spoke. "If we what?" He spoke being dead serious. "I-if if we broke up." I gathered the courage and spoke it looking at my feet.
"don't you dare. Don't you dare to think of breaking up just bcoz 'you thought alot.' and where is this coming from?." He spoke angrily. "Don't you see? This isn't working and it won't. There are alot of girls better than me. I'm not like you Mattheo. I don't party, I don't smoke, I hate alcohol, I'm not like you. I don't like being in a crowded place. I'm not the one you want. Pansy was right about it Mattheo and on top you've a reputation to keep you'll get tired of me eventually." I hated how I sounded, I hate how this was taking place moreover I hated how it was falling apart.
Braced myself for the goodbye
'Cause that's all I've ever known
Then you took me by surprise
You said, "I'll never leave you alone"
"i think it's better if we parted our ways." I countinued i was met with a silence for a minute and I spoke "wh- why aren't you saying anything?" "Are you done?" That was his answer. "Are you done speaking nonsense? And care to give me a chance to speak?" "Yes I'm done you can say." I replied while trying to sound composed.
"I've changed since I met you. My life then was chaotic and it brought me nothing but destruction. I partied, drank, smoke to drown my sorrow, I changed girls like cloth just for pleasure. But after everything went down with my father and all I changed. I was in highschool then y/n/n. I was a whole different person, I changed the town to move on, to move on with you, to become a better person, and other girls out there they aren't you. I want you. And i don't care about them okay? I care about you. I'll never get tired of you. And trust me I'll never leave you alone. Fuck what pansy said I don't care. the reason I didn't wanted you to meet her wasn't that I still want her it was the fact that I knew she'll pull a stunt like this. And about confidence, it takes time you haven't completely healed, and we're working on that, and I'm there for you. I don't think you're pathetic and I don't care what other's think i love you and that's what matters and it's not your fault what happened with you." He hugged me as spoke those words and I believed him.
Do you remember, we were sittin' there by the water? You put your arm around me, for the first time.
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter.
You are the best thing that's ever been mine.
Do you remember all the city lights on the water?
You saw me start to believe for the first time.
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter.
You are the best thing that's ever been mine.
"And by the way, happy birthday." I looked at him in utter confusion, it's my birthday? Oh shit it is. "I knew you'll forget it" he rolled his eyes teasingly "oh comeon with everything going on you expect me to remember it." I replied playfully and suddenly he got on his knees I looked at him in confusion "so my beloved, as it's your birthday I want to give you a gift. A promise to always be with you in every step of your life, a promise to never leave, a promise to Cherise you forever, a promise to never hurt you , a promise to be with you till death do us apart. Y/n l/n will you marry me and do the honour to let me fulfill every promise I've made and accept my gift?" I looked at him stunned and it was dead silence and the only sound we could hear was of water running in the nearby fountain. "Oh comeon answer me and let me wife you up!!" He whined like a child. I chuckled and screamed "yes Matty I'll marry you!!" He slided the ring on my finger and hugged me we jumped like little kids and my inner child felt safe with him. I started to believe for the first time.
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pepprs · 2 months ago
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hi, everyone. i hope you all are doing well. i’ve been meaning and wanting to check in here for many months but i have also been too afraid to. but i want to do it now because im potentially at a turning point and i want you all (especially close friends and mutuals who i haven’t talked to in a long time) to know what’s going on because unfortunately i do not have the strength to reach out individually right now, as much as i desperately want to.
when i left this place a year ago my depression was extremely bad. i didn’t know how long i was going to be gone or whether i was leaving for good, but i knew i needed to make some changes in my life before i could be here healthily again. well… 2024 has been a year of IMMENSE change for me! a lot of it has been for the good. i made some progress in my life by moving out, and i’ve had a lot of joy and healing in (very slowly) building a home for myself and figuring out what kind of life i want to live and how i want to live it. (im learning how to drive! i have string lights and stuffed animals and a wii! i am capable of solo travel!)
but… a lot of the changes that have happened this year have been for the worse. in almost every respect 2024 has been one of the most difficult and painful years of my life (and that is saying something!). this year a couple of traumatic things have happened to me and around me, and it has been extremely hard to live my life despite and beyond them. i have been dealing with physical and mental health issues that have greatly impacted my quality of life and make it unbearably difficult for me to get through every day. i am constantly running on negative spoons. one of the most damaging outcomes of this is that i have almost completely withdrawn from society both online and off and that is not an exaggeration. ive stopped talking to all of my friends and family except for people i see every day at work. i impulsively isolate myself when im in pain / distress despite knowing both emotionally and logically that it makes literally everything worse and i don’t know how to (and often can’t muster the mental strength to) work through the shame and grief and anxiety to seek connection and support. and im struggling to take care of myself including physically and its having severe consequences in every aspect of my life and in the lives of people who care about me. i live alone and i still think that was the good and right choice for me to make, but i am profoundly and agonizingly lonely. my depression was extremely bad when i left here, but i think despite everything it might be even worse now.
all of this is to say: this week i finally decided i can’t suffer like this anymore, and i began the process of seeking a formal diagnosis for my depression and other mental health issues and exploring additional treatment beyond talk therapy (most likely meds but there may be other things too / instead; still at the very beginning stages of figuring it all out). i am extremely anxious about many dimensions of this but also hopeful that it will help me hurt less because when i tell you at this point my brain and heart physically ache from depression like 85% of every day…. lol. im really hoping that once i get my mental / emotional pain under control i’ll be able to start tending to the parts of my life that have withered while ive suffered and repair the damage of my neglect as best i can. (which is to say… if you’re my friend and you’re reading this please know i love you and i miss you terribly and i am so sorry we haven’t spoken and i am so sorry im telling you this in a tumblr post you may not even read instead of a reply or a call back. i still love you and i want you to know it is not you specifically i am ghosting, its everyone. i am trying to build the strength and im scared i can’t but i hope i can.)
that said… i have decided i am not going to be coming back to this blog. i miss this place and the community i felt connected to here, but the way i was using this website as a public diary was extremely unhealthy, and as much as i miss it and still crave the instant comfort/validation i see clearly now with months of distance how damaging it was. (i truly cannot believe i was oversharing like that lol i am so private now (yes due largely to mental illness but still!)) i am so grateful to everyone who reassured me when i was struggling and celebrated my successes. this was the first place, online or off, where i (misguidedly but it’s true!) could actually be honest and candid about things happening in my life and my reactions to them instead of communicating it all through metaphors in my art and poetry, and it truly mattered that i had that experience here so that i could seek out more spaces like it in my offline life. i know i already said thank you in a previous update but really… thank you. 💗🫂
im not planning on deleting this blog. i may come back here and share updates like this one from time to time, but otherwise i will leave it as it is. but… i do want to get back to using a few of my fandom-centered sideblogs because looking at and compiling art of things i like is a low-energy thing that makes me happy! so you may see activity there every once in a while (tbh during this hiatus i have opened tumblr from time to time to look at art and save a bunch of posts that i wanted to reblog eventually lol). but… if i notice myself slipping back into bad habits i may private the sideblogs or abandon them completely.
i don’t know how to end this post. actually wait yes i do. one of my all time favorite artists is anna-laura sullivan (@/annalaura_art on instagram) and this is one of my all time favorite drawings of hers (so much so that i made it my lock screen so i can look at it every day!). this saying has brought me a lot of comfort and i hope it (and her other art) will bring you comfort too if you’re also in a dark place.
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one more thing: not to be kind of a freak but in writing this post i discovered a longer version of my goodbye post from last year in my drafts. i don’t remember why i didn’t post it and obviously it’s outdated now but i want to share the draft because i went into more detail about tumblr having been helpful for me specifically when it comes to my mutuals + info / disclaimers about how to reach me and i want you guys to hear that in my past self’s voice lol! i put it under the cut if you want to read it!
2023 tess said it best: i hope you know how much it’s meant to me to be in your company. thank you for sharing and thank you for listening. i love you. happy [almost] new year. be well. good luck. shine bright. until we meet again ☕️🐈🫂💗
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proshipconfessions · 8 days ago
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Responding to your response to my anon. I'm sorry for assuming. I just know I've sent confessions here a few times complaining about the ableism in this community. I'm a schizospec P-DID system & auDHD + cluster-b. I've been at the end of a lot of ableist abuse from other "proshippers," or I've been hurt by vague ableist statements made by other proshippers.
I can't recall if the few vents I made about ableism and abuse in the community were ever posted, and I took a hiatus from Tumblr and social media altogether. I figured I was one of those people who you refused to post/wanted to delete the confessions of.
That example that you replied with very much reads like an anti trying to troll. If these are the "confessions" you're getting, then you 100% reserve the right to delete those, and like I said, I think it should be case by case then. Bad faith anons get deleted. Actual concerns get posted.
I was referring to your comment/reply to someone else where you said these people should go to antiship blogs, which was why I got upset. And yes, I've seen a lot of similar shitty sentiments that I thought you were saying initially. I've had other proshippers tell me I'm not a proshipper then or that I should be anti-aligned if I really have so many issues with how some of the proship community behaves. I've been kind of on the fence on whether or not I want to consider myself a proshipper, neutral shipper, or just give myself an anti-ableism profiction microlabel. I'm definitely an anti-anti, but I've felt out of place in proship spaces. It's exhausting, and I'm sorry for thinking that you were doing the same thing.
It’s okay. I can kinda understand where you’re coming from and why that kinda thing could’ve stressed you out, especially if you took a hiatus and didn’t see any posts on my blog of people’s complaints about similar situations.
Especially considering I’ve gotten asks (that got anons blocked) about how “delusional” antis are and even one from someone about their theory that antis are having mass religious psychosis??? Which doesn’t even make sense. I also saw (luckily they didn’t have the audacity to send this to me. It was in its own post) someone say that antis have fetal alcohol syndrome as an insult. (Like omfg. Do people w/ FASDs not deal with fucking enough?)
Sorry for the misunderstanding and any hostility in my last answer. Have a great day.
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lemoncrushh · 7 months ago
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Seven Six Five - Part Five
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Summary: They met once seven years ago. Now music has made them cross paths again.
Warnings: smut, body image issues, angst. 18+ ONLY!
A/N: Enemies to Lovers. This was originally written and posted in 2020, right before the pandemic, so the story takes place then with flashbacks of 2013. Harry Styles x Plus Size OC, written in third person.
Part Five Word Count: 4.9k+
STORY PAGE
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29 February, 2020 - New York, NY, USA
Bronwyn walked home from the Corner Cafe after an early lunch meeting with Antonella. There’d been no celebrity sightings this time, although she found herself checking her phone for new messages from Harry. None had come yet, and despite her knowledge that he’d be busy, she couldn’t hide the disappointment.
Arriving at her building, she took the steps and shoved her phone into her coat pocket. When she opened the door, she smiled at the postman who was doing his Saturday deliveries.
“Number 102, right?” he asked.
“Um, yes sir,” Bronwyn replied.
“Have a package for you.”
The postman handed her a large, thin box and asked her to sign for it. Perplexed as she hadn’t ordered anything, and was not expecting any post, she noticed the Express label on the front and the California zip code.
“Thank you,” she muttered, her eyes on the package as she took the stairs to her flat.
Shutting the door, she leant against it as her fingers found the edge of the box and pulled the tab. Who would be sending her something from California, she had no idea, but when she pulled out the familiar album cover, she gasped.
Harry.
Setting the record on the counter, Stevie’s figure adorning the cover in a red dress as she crouched on a black and white chessboard floor, Bronwyn, took her phone out of her pocket and shook one arm out of her coat. Pulling up Harry’s contact, she began to text him with one hand.
Did you have a record sent to me through the post?
Placing the phone next to the album, she shrugged out of her coat completely and hung it on the rack by the door. Running her hands through her hair, she didn’t expect to receive a reply right away, but was surprised when she heard the notification.
Oh good, it came.
???, she texted back.
Suddenly, her phone rang in her hand, causing her to almost drop it. Answering the call, Bronwyn went straight into her objection and confusion.
“The postmark says California. Why would you have a used record shipped to me from there?”
She heard Harry chuckle through the phone, and instantly she regretted not giving a proper greeting.
“It’s not just used, love,” he said. “It’s mine.”
“Yours?”
“From my personal collection. I had it sent overnight from my house.”
“W- Harry. W-why would you do that?” Realising she probably sounded vulnerable, Bronwyn tried to laugh it off, making a joke. “You couldn’t find a copy here in New York? I mean, this one is in near perfect condition, but I don’t reckon this album is that hard to find.”
“Mmm…” Harry sounded, sending a vibration through the phone. “That particular one is.”
“How so?”
“Look inside.”
Opening the sleeve, Bronwyn pulled out a sheet of paper with lyrics on it. Although she recognised the handwriting, it took a moment for it to register. Stevie’s.
“Oh my God!” Bronwyn shouted.
“Those are Stevie’s original lyrics to a song on there that I really like,” explained Harry.
“‘Ooh My Love’. It’s one of my favourites too.”
“She gave them to me,” Harry said. “Now they’re yours.”
“Oh God, Harry, I can’t accept this!” Bronwyn gasped as she sat down shakily on her sofa, the record and lyrics still in her hands.
“Why not?”
“This is...way too special. You should keep it!”
“I want you to have it,” he declared.
“Why?”
“Because you lost your copy of the album. Mine was just sitting there collecting dust. And you’re the only other person I know who would appreciate it as much as I do.”
Chills ran throughout her body as Bronwyn tried to catch her breath and evaluate her emotions.
“I don’t...know what to say…” she finally murmured, feeling her eyes start to well up.
“Say you’ll have dinner with me tonight.”
“Oh, Harry I-”
“I’m free all evening after...six o’clock. I’d really like to spend it with you.”
Unable to hold back the smile that crept on her lips, Bronwyn instantly felt a pang in her chest as she remembered.
“Harry, I’d love to,” she admitted. “But I have to work tonight.”
“Oh.” She could hear the disappointment in his one little word.
“It’s a local band,” Bronwyn continued. “From Queens. They’re playing downtown, and I’ve done a write-up on them before so they asked me…”
Her words stalling with a jolt, she had a brilliant idea. “Actually...would you like to join me?”
“Oh, I-”
“You totally don’t have to. You probably wouldn’t get recognised too much, at least not a mob. But I could understand if you don’t want t-”
“I’d love to,” Harry interjected.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” he chuckled. “Should be fun.”
“Great! Um...they go on stage around nine, and I have to be there a little early, so...meet me here around eight?”
“I have a better idea. I’ll come at seven and bring dinner.”
“Harry, you don’t have to…”
“Stop saying that,” he argued. “You have to eat, right?”
“Right. Seven it is.”
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“Yes, it was a strain on her, watching her castles fall down…”
Bronwyn sang along to Stevie as she stood in the bathroom, preparing for the evening. Her hand shook as she applied her eyeliner, the thin pen slipping from her fingers and falling into the sink.
“Bloody hell,” she muttered under her breath and picked up the pen. “Get a grip, Bronwyn.”
Never had she felt so nervous before...a date. Was this a date? Harry had made it seem like it was, promising to bring dinner and all. However, she hadn’t wanted to be presumptuous, given that he was leaving in a couple of days. But, she didn’t want to think about that.
Putting the finishing touches on her makeup, Bronwyn slipped into her boots and had just stepped through the beaded curtain when the buzzer sounded. Seven o’clock on the nose.
“Hi love, it’s me,” she heard him call through the speaker, which only added to the butterflies gathering in her stomach.
Buzzing him into the building, she waited for the knock before opening the door. He stood on the other side, a bag in each hand and a grin on his face.
“I come bearing gifts,” he beamed, lifting both bags. “If you consider food and wine gifts, that is.”
“Well, who the hell wouldn’t?” Bronwyn quipped, taking one of the bags.
She headed for the kitchen, Harry on her heels. Placing the bag on the counter, she watched him do the same with the other bag before he looked at her.
“Hi.”
“Hi yourself,” she grinned. Then she turned back to the bags. “Okay, thanks for the dinner, have a good night!”
Harry chuckled which only made her lose her poker face and start giggling.
“C’mere,” he said, reaching for her.
Happy to oblige, Bronwyn fell into his arms, wrapping her own around his neck. She beamed up at him, taking in the twinkle in his eyes as he smiled back. Then tilting his head, Harry kissed her gently, his soft cherry lips tenderly caressing hers.
“You look incredible,” he cooed against her skin, his breath falling over her mouth.
“Thanks.”
“Now I’m worried I might be underdressed,” he remarked, stepping back to remove his jacket. He wore a simple graphic t-shirt with jeans that flared at the bottoms, and his black trainers.
“Don’t be silly,” said Bronwyn. “You look...perfect, actually.”
Harry’s lips twitched into a smile. “Thanks. I reckoned we’d be going to a bar so...didn’t dress up.”
“I might have sent you to change if you’d shown up in that blue jumper,” she teased.
“Heeeyyy.”
With a laugh, Bronwyn took Harry’s jacket and walked to the door to hang it on the rack. She could feel his eyes on her as she turned back around. She liked the way his gaze made her feel. She’d chosen one of her vintage dresses for the evening, a green and black chequered one with long sleeves. She’d always felt pretty in it, but the way he looked at her made her feel indescribable.
“I’ll get the dishes, if you open the wine,” she smiled as she passed him on the way back to the kitchen.
“Oh, yeah,” he blinked, reaching in the first bag. “Where’s your corkscrew?”
“Right drawer,” she said, grabbing two wine glasses and two plates from the cupboard.
Bronwyn watched Harry effortlessly open the bottle of wine, pouring a generous amount into each glass before placing them on her table.
“Hey, I hear Stevie,” he commented.
Bronwyn snorted. “Took you long enough.”
“Well, I was distracted,” Harry smirked as he reached into the second bag. “I hope salmon and greek salad is okay. I wasn’t sure if you ate meat, or had a preference. I should’ve asked, sorry.”
Bronwyn glared at him, then looked down and opened her arms wide. “Do I look like a picky eater to you?”
Harry rolled his eyes. “Stop it, you.”
“I’m just saying…” Bronwyn shrugged. “But yes, that’s fine. Sounds delicious, really.”
As soon as their plates were loaded, Harry and Bronwyn took seats at her tiny table, a small candle burning in the center of it.
“Just realised this is my first time here at night. It’s really nice,” smiled Harry as his eyes darted around the room at the ambience. Candles were scattered about, giving it a warm and twinkling glow. “I like the candles; they’re very you. And they go with Stevie.”
Bronwyn’s cheeks blushed pink as she remembered lighting the candles before he came. “They’re not too much?”
“Not at all.” Lifting his glass, Harry urged Bronwyn to do the same. “Cheers.”
The nerves suddenly came rushing back again as Bronwyn took a sip of the light, crisp wine. She hoped it would ease some of the jitters, although she didn’t want to seem a lush. After a few bites of the delectable dinner, the record stopped, so she rose from the table to turn it over.
“I have to say,” she grinned as she returned, “it’s nice to listen to this again after all these years.”
“I’m glad,” Harry returned her smile. “Exactly when did you move to New York? Not sure if you told me.”
“Summer of twenty-sixteen,” she replied, lifting her glass. “Though sometimes it feels like yesterday.”
“Twenty-sixteen was yesterday,” Harry joked. “What was it like for you after you moved? Was it a culture shock?”
“Not really. At least not like I thought it would be. I’d already traveled here a few times, and as they say, New York is sort of a melting pot of cultures.”
“That’s true,” Harry nodded, his mouth full of salad.
“I met my friend Sylvia my first week here. She lived in this building then and introduced me to some of her friends. She owns her own tailoring shop downtown, and she helped feed my obsession for vintage clothes.”
“Kismet,” Harry grinned.
“Absolutely. I was helping her in her shop for a bit, just doing whatever she needed. I also worked at the Corner Cafe,” Bronwyn laughed. “Just to help with bills, you know. I got a few gigs here and there, but it wasn’t until I found Antonella...that’s my agent...and she started getting me jobs that things really started falling into place. And...well, here I am.”
“That all sounds wonderful. You should be proud.”
“I am. I don’t take anything for granted.”
“Good.” Harry laid his fork on his plate and leant forward. “I’m proud of you too, you know.”
Though his words did sound genuine, it was his tone that sent Bronwyn’s heart aflutter. Shifting nervously in her seat, she looked down at her plate.
“So is this turning into a When Harry Met Sally situation now?” she asked timidly. “We hate each other for years and suddenly become friends?”
“I never hated you, love. That was completely one-sided.”
Pursing her lips, Bronwyn nodded. “Fair enough.”
“Besides,” Harry smirked, another twinkle in his eye, “I believe Harry and Sally fell in love in the end.”
“Alright, so bad analogy.”
Harry’s cackle suddenly rang throughout the tiny flat and increased Bronwyn’s heart rate. She could feel the warmth on her face, and it wasn’t from the wine nor the candles. Wiping her hands on her napkin, she lifted her fork to take another bite of fish, unable to look him in the eye for fear she’d drown.
“I would like to be friends, though,” she heard him comment after a few moments, a small rasp in his voice. Lifting her gaze, she caught the dimple that decided to make its opportune appearance just before he added, “if not more.”
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The Double X was a bar downtown, a block from where Bronwyn’s friend Sylvia lived. She pointed out her building to Harry before the taxi driver pulled up in front of the venue. She saw him reach for his wallet and stopped him, her hand over his.
“I’ve got this, Harry,” she insisted, handing the driver her card. When she detected the hesitation on his face, she winked. “I might let you buy me a drink later.”
Sliding out of the cab, Harry followed Bronwyn up the steps to where a large man stood to check IDs. He seemed to recognise Bronwyn, giving her a nod.
“'Ello Joel, good sir!” she greeted him. “I ‘ave comp’ny this evenin’.”
“I see that,” Joel remarked, jotting his chin out. “He have an ID on him?”
“Wha’? This be me best mate fro’ London, ‘arry Styles. You migh’ o’ ‘eard o’ ‘im!”
His mouth in a straight line that told Harry he was in no mood to play a trivia game of who’s who, Joel took the stamp he was holding and marked each of their hands. Once inside, the smell of smoke hitting them instantly, Harry chuckled in Bronwyn’s ear.
“What was that all about?” he inquired.
“I’ve been coming here since I moved to New York, so I know everyone who works here. When they first found out I was from London, they kept asking me to talk. Apparently they think everyone in the UK has a Cockney accent. So I sort of lay it on thick.”
Harry laughed as he ran his hand down her back. “Brilliant.”
Before she got the chance to recover from the chills his light touch had sent throughout her body, another voice boomed from behind the bar.
“London!” the man called. “Haven’t seen you around lately, sweetheart!”
“Been busy, love!” Bronwyn sang before pulling the strap of her camera bag over her shoulder with one hand and grabbing Harry’s with the other. She pulled him towards the bar, where she started the introductions. “Harry, this is Nikoli, though he prefers Nick. Only I’m allowed to call him Nikoli. And Nikoli, darling, this is Harry.”
“Pleasure, Nick,” said Harry, holding out his hand.
“Likewise,” nodded the bartender with a handshake. “You’re famous or somethin’, right?
“Shhh,” Bronwyn hushed with her finger to her lips before giving both men a wink. “So, are the boys here yet, Nikoli?”
“Yeah, they’re in the back. Should be out in a few. Can I get you guys somethin’ to drink?”
“Nothing for me just yet,” replied Bronwyn as she removed her coat, “but you can start a tab for Harry.”
Raising his brows, Harry glared at her. “You’re making me drink alone?”
“Only for now,” she beamed at him. “The wine from earlier is still getting to me. Besides, I have work to do.”
Shrugging out of his jacket, Harry claimed a stool and ordered a drink whilst Bronwyn removed her camera from her bag. He watched her as she seemed to set up her scene, deciding where to stand to take photos. She snapped a few of the empty stage before backing up, nearly bumping into him.
“Sorry, love,” she said, barely brushing her fingers across his thigh. “Mind watching my bag for me?”
“Course not,” he replied.
The look he gave her was enough to make her lose her cool and forget about the task at hand. With a quick blink, however, she turned back around and aimed her camera just as a pair of long, black denim-clad legs stepped onto the stage and took a place behind the drum kit. One hoot from the back of the room sounded as the rest of the band climbed on stage and slung guitars over their heads. Only the bloke in the center seemed to recognise Bronwyn, and he gave her a thumbs up before counting off the first song.
The band, somewhat of a cross between pop-punk and 90s grunge, were already three songs into their set before Bronwyn made her way back to Harry and the bar. With possibly the widest grin he’d seen on her face in the last few days, she paused in front of him, her chest heaving.
“Reckon I could use that drink now,” she declared with a wiggle of her brows. With her free hand on Harry’s knee, she leant forward. “Nikoli, darling, the usual?”
“You got it, babe,” called the bartender, grabbing a bottle of golden brown liquor.
“Are you having fun?” she asked Harry, catching his eye. Though she stood very close, she had to speak loud over the music.
“The time of my life,” he grinned, lifting his glass to his lips.
“Pfff,” Bronwyn sounded as Nick handed her her drink. “When they’ve finished this set, we can go sit over there.”
Harry followed her finger to where it pointed in the corner of the room, a large booth.
“Shall I go claim it now, before it gets too crowded?”
Bronwyn took a gander around the room, noticing in fact that it was starting to fill.
“Might be a good idea,” she nodded.
Sliding off his stool, Harry grabbed their coats and Bronwyn’s camera bag. “I’ll take these with me.”
“Thanks baby,” she beamed before planting a kiss on his cheek.
She didn’t miss the adorable look on his face before he turned for the booth. Catching the eye of Drea, one of the cocktail waitresses, she walked up to her.
“Hey girl, you look hot tonight!” exclaimed Drea. “And you brought some eye candy of your own, I see!”
“Thanks love,” said Bronwyn. “Listen, do me a favor? I hate to ask for special treatment but...well, he is rather special…”
“Say no more, hon!” Drea shook her head. “I got your back.”
“I owe you one!”
“No you don’t,” argued Drea. “You bring more business than anybody. It’s probably ‘cause of you we’re still open.”
Bronwyn watched Drea lift her tray and turn toward the booth that Harry now occupied. With a feeling of satisfaction, she set for the other side of the room to take more photos of the band.
After a couple more songs, the singer announced they were taking five, and the band stepped off the stage one by one. Camera in hand, Bronwyn began to cross the room when the singer stopped her.
“Hey, thanks for coming,” he smiled.
“Of course, Austin, you know I would, anytime you asked.”
Shoving his hands in his pockets, Austin looked at the ground. “That’s so nice of you.”
“C’mon,” beckoned Bronwyn. “There’s someone I’d like you to meet.”
Austin followed her to the booth where Drea was just delivering Harry’s freshly made cocktail. As soon as Bronwyn began the introductions, she saw Austin’s jaw drop.
“No way!” he exclaimed incredulously. Then he looked at Bronwyn. “You know Harry Styles?”
With a gleeful laugh, Bronwyn nodded. Harry, no surprise, offered his hand to the young man.
“Nice to meet you, Austin. Sounding good up there.”
“Aw, thanks man!” Austin blushed. “I can’t believe you’d come to see us.”
“Well, to be honest, the company is the reason I came,” Harry smirked, side-eyeing Bronwyn who’d just slid into the booth beside him. She giggled when he squeezed her knee under the table.
“Ah, I get it, man. Bronwyn’s a cool chick. Her pictures and articles of us are probably the only reason we get booked for gigs anywhere in New York,” Austin snorted.
“Oh hush, you,” Bronwyn waved off his comment. “It’s because you’re good, and you know it.”
As Austin turned his head, he caught sight of one his bandmates who strutted over.
“Hey man, look who’s here,” he told him.
“No shit!” the tall blond cackled. “Somebody said he was here, but I didn’t believe it. Good to meet ya, man, I’m Jeremy.”
Jeremy and Harry exchanged hellos and handshakes, and soon enough, the rest of the band followed. Sipping on her drink that Drea had brought over, Bronwyn was happy to see her friends so elated. However, she didn’t want to make Harry’s appearance too big of a deal, so she was glad when the band returned to the stage. Grabbing her camera once again, she started to slide out of the booth.
“I’ll be back in just a few,” she paused to tell Harry. “I only have to take a handful of photos until the last song.”
“Okay,” he grinned, his eyes already starting to get glassy.
“Still having a good time?”
“The best.” Before she could anticipate it, Harry slipped his hand behind her neck and pulled her into a kiss. It only lasted for a second, but Bronwyn could feel it down to her toes.
“Be right back,” she whispered against his mouth.
That kiss made it hard to concentrate on her job, but Bronwyn managed to take several great live shots before opting for a break. Stopping at the booth, she smiled at Harry and returned her camera to its case.
“Going to the ladies’,” she announced.
Harry gave her a wink to which she responded with an air kiss. Once in the tiny stall, she let herself exhale loudly. All of the feelings she’d had that night seven years ago had returned full force. Not the bad feelings when she’d thought Harry had intentionally hurt her, but the good ones she’d experienced before that moment. Every nerve in her body tingled and her skin was on fire. She wanted him just as badly as she had that night...no, she wanted him more. A thousand times more.
At the sink, she splashed a little water on her face, hoping it would cool her a bit. It helped ease the warmth on her skin, but not the burning flames rising inside her body. With another breath, she opened the door and nearly ran into Drea.
“Oh girl, you’re so lucky!” she cheered. “He’s an absolute doll!”
“He is, isn’t he?” she heard herself say, not that she wanted to deny it. Not anymore.
“And he’s kept his eyes on you all night.”
“He has?”
“Oh God, hon, yes! I was watching him when I asked him if he wanted another drink, and when I brought it to him. His eyes were glued. I’d say he’s smitten.”
Biting her lip, Bronwyn returned to the booth and slid in beside Harry.
“Okay, I’m really back this time,” she said.
“Good,” Harry grinned, leaning forward so his forehead almost pressed against hers. “I was starting to get lonely.”
“I doubt that,” Bronwyn jeered. “I’m willing to bet anyone in this place would be happy to come sit with you.”
“Mmm,” he hummed. “I don’t want just anyone, though.”
Bronwyn chuckled. “Someone’s drunk.”
“No. Just feel good.”
“Oh. That’s good to know.”
Bronwyn lifted her hand then and ran the back of it against the stubble on Harry’s chin. He shut his eyes and let out another low hum, sending a vibration through her fingers. She was just about to allow her lips to brush his when she heard her name come from the stage.
“That’s her over there!” Austin shouted into the microphone. “With our new buddy, Harry. She’s fucking awesome, you guys. We probably wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for her. So raise your glasses, your bottles, whatever you got...raise ‘em up high for Bronwyn! This song’s for you, babe!”
“Shut up!” Bronwyn exclaimed, immediately slapping her hand over her mouth as the band kicked into the rock song.
She felt Harry’s hand take hers then, threading their fingers together. She looked up at him, his face aglow with pride. Her eyes began to well up, but she quickly wiped them with a cocktail napkin before pulling out her camera.
“Guess I should take a few more shots and call it a night.”
Rising from the booth, Bronwyn made her way through the crowd, taking a few photos up front, next to the stage, and then scanning the perimeter. Austin smiled, giving her another thumbs up, which she took a shot of before lowering her camera and blowing him a kiss. Then returning to her date, she slid in next to him, leaning her head on his shoulder with a sigh.
“That was sweet,” she commented.
“Looks like I’m not the only one you’ve made an impression on,” Harry murmured in her ear.
“Oh hush,” she spat, swatting at him with her hand. “He’s like nineteen.”
“So was I,” Harry laughed.
“Yes, but I was only twenty-two then.”
“Wait. That means you’re...twenty-nine? Oh my God, you old woman! What was I thinking?”
“Stop!” Bronwyn cackled, reaching over to tickle him but only managing to get herself pinned inside the booth.
His breath grazed over her lips and she smelled the tequila as her giggles slowed to a stop and she looked into his eyes. Though they were heavily hooded, she could still make out the twinkle.
“When do I get to take you home?” he slurred.
As though on cue, the band played their final drum beats, ending on a strong chord echoed by reverb. The crowd cheered and Austin thanked them before jumping off the stage.
“I guess right now,” Bronwyn breathed.
Slipping out of the booth, she made one last trip to the loo whilst Harry paid the tab. She wasted no time, meeting him at the bar.
“You guys have a great night,” nodded Nick.
“Goodnight Nikoli, darling!” called a very buzzed Bronwyn. “Night Drea!”
She wasn’t sure if Harry carried her out of the bar, or the other way around, but somehow they managed to get a cab. On the ride back to her flat, Bronwyn leant her head back and sighed.
“That was fun, Harry. Did you have fun?”
“Yes,” he laughed. “You’ve asked me that several times.”
“Sorry. Just wanna make sure.”
“I enjoy being with you,” he confessed, reaching for her hand. “And I’ve realised something about you tonight.”
“What’s that?” Bronwyn asked, turning her head to look at him.
“You’re in your element when you’re in public.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean...at your flat...you seemed almost timid and shy. Like you were afraid to tell me what you were thinking. Kind of vulnerable, I guess. Not that it’s a bad thing. It’s just...when you’re out in a place like this...just like the night we met...you’re so much more…”
“Flirty?”
“I was gonna say alive,” Harry chucked, “but yeah.”
“It’s a facade, Harry,” Bronwyn declared with a straight face.
“What? Why?”
“I don’t like being vulnerable. Especially around people I don’t know that well. So I pretend I’m not. The way I see it…” she paused, looking down at their joint hands, “if I come off as confident and flirty from the get go, no one is ever the wiser. That’s how they think I am all the time. So...everyone wins.”
“But you’re not like that all the time.”
Bronwyn considered his words, then raised a brow and shrugged. “We all have a dark side, Harry.”
“I didn’t say it was a dark side, I just-”
“Which me did you invite to your hotel room?”
Bronwyn stared at Harry for a moment, waiting for an answer, perhaps. But she knew what the answer was, so the point was moot. The silence grew between them as the taxi drove through the city and arrived at her flat.
“I’ll um...understand if you don’t wanna come up,” she muttered.
“What? Why wouldn’t I?” Harry glared at her incredulously.
“I mean...if you changed your mind.”
“I didn’t.”
“Okay.”
Bronwyn wanted to kick herself as she climbed out of the cab and up the stairs. She heard Harry’s footsteps following hers up the hardwood floor, stopping at her door. She wanted to take back what she’d said, yet she’d known it was the truth. The air was thick between them, and she wanted to clear it and start anew. As she put her key in the lock, however, Harry beat her to it. She froze in her spot as she felt him brush her hair off her shoulder and lower his head to kiss her neck, ever so softly. His breath in her ear and against her skin sent such shivers through her body, she almost dropped her keys. As she lifted her chin for him to get a better aim, she felt his chest press against her back until he turned her around to face him. Trapped between his body and the still locked door, she looked into his eyes. They seemed to plead with her, silently before he tilted his head and caressed her lips.
“Harry…” she gasped, her eyes still closed.
“It might’ve been the other you that nineteen-year-old me invited to his hotel room,” she heard him say, making her eyes flutter open to reveal his beautiful, sincere face. “But it’s this Bronwyn...the one who’s stood before me now...that I’m asking to sleep with me tonight.”
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**dramatic music**
Please like, comment, reblog or send me a msg!
MASTERLIST | KO-FI | FEEDBACK
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victorluvsalice · 4 months ago
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WIP Word Game
I was tagged in this by @dont-offend-the-bees in this post -- thanks for thinking of me, Newt!
Rules: You will be given a word. Share one sentence/excerpt from your WIP(s) that start with each letter of that word. Word assigned by Newt: BITES
Because I'm a rebel, I'm going to do a bit from both my current WIP "Londerland Bloodlines: Downtown Queensland" and my just-finished-posting-today Valicer In The Dark story "Start At The Beginning...Sort Of" --
B
LB:DQ -- Briefcase Guy nodded, trembling. “What – what if their case is full of newspaper?” he got out after a second.
“Then at least we get to watch your illiterate ass try to read it later for laughs,” the leader spat, giving him a shove. “I know they got the goods. Just don’t ass it up, or they’re gonna kill the lot of us. Now get ready, it’s going down soon.”
SATBSO -- “By practicing my v-vows down the wrong alley,” Victor replied, worrying his bottom lip. “I – oh dear…” He grabbed his spoon and had a couple of fortifying sips of soup. “It’s like this – I’m due to be w-wed to the daughter of Lord and Lady Everglot, courtesy of my parents. We had the r-rehearsal today, and I was such a n-nervous wreck I couldn’t recall my lines at all. Pastor Galswells, our officiant, finally lost all patience with me after one too many mistakes, and b-banished me until I’d learned my vows. D-desperate to get them right, I ended up roaming Brightstone at random, repeating them to myself to try and get them straight in my head. I finally said them perfectly in an old forgotten side street overlooking one of the canals…and the moment I finished, a g-glowing blue figure in a w-wedding dress burst from the water, declaring ‘I do.’ I s-screamed and ran, but she managed to c-corner me on a nearby bridge and tried to k-kiss me. I fainted when her lips touched mine, and w-when I woke up, I was…” He waved his spoon in the air, as if trying to capture the enormity of the experience. “On the w-wrong side of the veil.”
I
LB:DQ -- “Indeed – or you could avoid the issue entirely,” Cheshire said, floating his smile over to another ladder on the wall in the darkened bay, just barely visible in the gloom. “I’m sure Rabbit would approve of you taking a shortcut, especially in order to avoid detection by anything that might try to stomp you.”
“I’ve apologized for that!” Hatter put in. “And made him that new watch!”
“It was the least you could do,” Rabbit said, paws on hips.
SATBSO -- “I don’t know – I don’t think so,” Victor said, letting his hands drop. “But you’re right, it is very hard to tell time in the ghost field…I’m sorry too, Emily,” he continued in a quieter voice. “I – I shouldn’t have lied to you about w-wanting to see my parents. I should have tried to explain better what was really wrong. But I – I didn’t have the words, and I was so scared and hungry and cold, and…” He sighed heavily, pressing his fingers against his forehead. “And absolutely nothing today has gone according to plan.”
“I know the feeling.” Emily perked up, a hesitant smile tugging at her lips. “But – but we can still make this work, right? We can alternate which side of the field we’re on day by day, so you can still eat and drink and not have to worry! We can even find a nice place to set up house together – one that’s in good shape in both my world and yours!”
“I think anyone who sees you two house-shopping is going to call the Spirit Wardens on you,” Alice couldn’t help saying.
T
LB:DQ -- “True,” Alice nodded. “Which reminds me – at some point tonight, I need to drop in on a certain Sean Milton. I don’t know how much honor there really is among thieves, but hopefully he has very little and will be willing to give up Muddy without a fight.”
“We’ll see on that front – and back, come to think of it,” Cheshire remarked, tail swaying as he kept pace. “But one side-quest at a time.”
SATBSO -- The gondolier gave Emily, floating near the prow, a significant look. “They always go up when the dead are involved.”
“I haven’t done anything,” Emily said, tone sulky and sparks crackling along the edge of her veil.
“And don’t start now,” the gondolier warned, frowning. “I may not be a Warden, but every one of us has got a bit of the Whisper about us. I know how to handle you lot.”
E
LB:DQ -- “Even better – they’re real robots! Well, sort of. . .” Victor popped open a bin and picked out a blue butterfly at random, showing her a block with some buttons on the – thorax, she believed it was called. “They each come with a ‘brain block’ like this where you can input simple commands. Obviously I can’t get any of them to fly – though I’ve always hoped – but I can get them to flap their wings if I shine a light on them, or follow a light being held in front of them – even play with a ball.”
“Neat,” Alice said, grinning. “You’ll have to show me later.”
SATBSO -- Emily went still, a frozen figure in tattered blue. Then she rushed forward at a speed no living human could have ever managed, face contorted in pure fury. Barkis yelped and tried to get out of the way, but she managed to clamp one spectral hand around his arm –
And, suddenly, she wasn’t there anymore. A split-second later, Barkis bent double, shrieking. “What – stop! No!”
“Yes!” came Emily’s voice – from Barkis’s own lips. Alice stared as he straightened up, wobbling like he was unused to controlling his own body. “The knife dropped from his fingers with a clatter. “You’re mine now, Eddie!”
S
LB:DQ -- She got to the bottom of the slope and looked around. While the layout was roughly the same, the entrance to level two was noticeably darker, thanks to a busted light fixture in the nearest “compact” bay. It also had different guards – two fellows who looked to be Chinese, dressed in matching burgundy jackets and wielding machine guns. One jerked his head around as she snuck closer, causing her to freeze out of habit. “It’s too quiet,” he said after a moment, shaking his head. “I-I don’t like this – this place. At night it seems so – haunted.”
SATBSO -- Smiler sorted and pointed at their eyes, brilliant yellow in their pale face. “What, do you think I was born with these?”
“...actually, it has genuinely never occurred to me to question why your eyes are bright glowing yellow before now,” Alice confessed, cheeks heating up with embarrassment. “They just seemed – completely natural on you.”
“I – I mean, I noticed, but – given everything else that was going on, they – didn’t really register as that weird?” Victor admitted, also going pink. “Alice is right, they do suit you...I sort of thought they might be a side effect of that Joy Serum you showed me before, since you said you make it yourself.”
Tagging: @nebbychan, @thesatiricaldemon, @anonymoose-au, @ace-of-tales -- the word I'm picking is TIMES!
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ryuichirou · 6 months ago
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Replies
Some replies! About our Crewel/Deuce art from yesterday + other TWST-related things (and one about OHSHC).
Anonymous asked:
nothing really special to say, but i wanted to let you know that your art has been helping me to draw more!! (´。• ᵕ •。`) ♡ i have a big issue of hating my art, but seeing your passion for your work motivates me to work through it so i can get good at it instead of giving up, so thank you a lot i love what you do!!!!
Anon, this is so sweet ;w; I am so happy to hear that my work motivates you, it truly means a lot! I hope you’ll keep drawing and will enjoy the process of creating art more and more with every new sketch. Passion is one of the most important things when it comes to any kind of art.
Thank you! This is honestly one of the best things to hear.
icedefloweringtornado asked:
I have your blog set to notifications so all I see a lot of the time is the limited description. Today's 'good boy' had me just all oh is it going to be Idia? One of my hearts boys? Deuce. The goodest not goodest boy.
First of all, ahhh thank you so much for having notifications on, this is so nice of you!
Second of all, yeah, there are a lot of pretty good boys in twst lol some of them are only good when they are being bullied (Idia)… and some of them are the goodest not goodest like Deucey <3
Anonymous asked:
Your latest post?? Deuce/Crewel art has actually made my brain explode. I feel like a fool for not even thinking of them as a ship. You (plural) truly do just have the best takes in this fandom.
Deuce, the bad-boy-trying-to-be-good has always struck me as someone very, very eager to please. Then you have Crewel, the strict professor who puts students' in their place with a little *too* much abuse of power. The unequal power dynamics of professor and student? Delicious.
Lowkey, I imagine Deuce would be so used to obeying "commands" at some point another student would just say a command jokingly and Deuce automatically follows the command without second thought before realizing what the hell he is doing.
Thank you so much, Anon!! Whenever I draw these two, we think about how the hell did it take us this long to consider this ship. They are so horrible (=amazing) together… It feels so obvious, and yet…
Deuce is super eager to please and naive enough to be lured into something very dangerous. It’s so fun that he is genuinely trying, but somehow he still ends up in iffy situations. But it’s one thing when it’s Ace’s antics that put him in trouble, but Divus abusing his power is a whole other can of worms. There is no authority figure to help Deuce out this time. It’s super imbalanced, and Deuce is way too easy to take advantage of. Perfection :”)
Ohh, but well-trained puppy Deuce reacting to a command said by some other student…. A pavlovian response 😭 Let’s hope this is just “sit” or “paw” or something and not something spicier…
Anonymous asked:
AAAA THE CREWDEUCE 😍😍💞💞💞 THANK YOU RYUU FOR THE FOOD!!!!!! We need more Sensei ships up in here TBH
You’re very welcome and thank youuu!! Totally agree!
irregardlessly-tish asked:
I began the Glorious Mascarade event and every new facet of Rook's personality and identity is just... What even is this guy? He was just speaking some French words as he always does and someone else said "oh yeah, you're from this area right?" and he's like "No, I'm from the Savanna :)". So, you're telling me he's a fake? A poser? Some kind of weeb but for twisted France instead of Japan??? All this time he's been just the equivalent of someone being "omg >w< that's so kawaii desu ne~ owo!!". I always knew he was a freak and a weirdo (lovingly), I just didn't consider the extent of it... He's a normal weeb, all the signs were there with his idol obsessions... I was just too blind to see...
Ohh, I hope you’re enjoying it, Tish! It’s one of the best events, in my opinion.
“What even is this guy” IS SUCH A GOOD WAY TO DESCRIBE ROOK LOL The more you learn about him, the more questions you get: the fuck do you mean “I’m from Savanna”??? Your family does what for a living??? You can do what with your body??? It’s always like that with him. Even though he is very honest, he is also so fucking fake in a lot of ways. He really is just a Twisted France weeb …
I really wonder what made him love French so much. But then again, I feel like if we learn the reason behind it, it’ll leave us with 5 more questions about this weirdo lol
Anonymous asked:
i know you said the shadows in the deuce and epel skirt art belong to mobs but hear me out…it the other freshmen…freshmen gangbang
(this is about this drawing)
Very valid thought, Anon, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised with how horny some of the other freshmen students are… I feel like if you leave the freshmen all alone unattended, at some point this is the scenario that they are going to end up in.
Anonymous asked:
Random, but imagine a Scott pilgrim AU, but with Twist:
Oh, you want to date, Idia? Then you'll have to beat his 7 evil exes: Azul, the Tweels, Lilia, Sebek, Ortho, Eliza.
((Not sure if you heard/read Ghost's marriage event, but this is where Eliza appeared. Basically, she had an obsession with Idia, lmao))
Anon! This is a very good idea, and funny thing is, we had a sketch about Idia and his 7 evil exes lol I can’t post it here because it’s ko-fi exclusive (if you have access to our ko-fi, here is the post link; sorry, the access to one specific post can’t be purchased separately), but yeah this is basically this line-up minus Eliza, plus Trey. Ace plays Scott’s role… poor Idia, it’s probably so weird for him to be the manic pixie dream boy with 7 exes, he has no fucking clue how he ended up like this.
(Haven’t watched Ghost marriage yet, but I’m excited about it; we’re saving it for later just because it’s guaranteed to be a great even for us lol)
Anonymous asked:
smth I'm just curious Abt, have you seen/heard of ohshc??
Yes, of course! OHSHC was one of the titles we watched back in middle school even before we met each other, so it’s been a while… and it’s been a while since our last rewatch of it…
But still, it’s an amazing comedy that we quote a lot to this day. Theatre of (Tamaki’s) Mind, Homosexual supporting cast, I’m making a hamster home; all of it is so stupid and lovely lol
We tried to find the latest sketch of Tamaki and Kyoya from several years ago, but holy shit we don’t remember the year we drew it lol so I guess no sketches! Well, a reason to draw it all over now that my art looks better anyway.
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queercripintersex · 1 year ago
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On intersex questioning
I recently put up a poll asking people what motivated them to question if they were intersex. Partly to know how "typical" I am. But also because I'm curious if people who are currently questioning their intersex status are noticeably different from those of us who already identify as intersex.
And I gotta say, the spread of responses look pretty similar!
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Most of the asks I see on tumblr tend to be framed in medical terms. Personally, I was motivated more by social/psychological reasons (figuring out who I am and wanting to not feel like a lone freak). Turns out people like me are in the minority but we're hardly alone.
I honestly wonder how much of the medical asks are really about other things like belonging or gender but those reasons don't seem "valid" enough.
I wanna share the replies and reblogs because I would have found them useful to read back when I was questioning if I was intersex. I have lightly edited them for readability (if you wrote one and want to be quoted by username DM me!) To see the original comments go to the original post. Replies from intersex people "I went through several years of being confused about how I felt trans fem but also was afab. The day I was diagnosed with PCOS I searched it in Tumblr and found out it fell under the intersex umbrella and I accepted that identity for myself immediately. Intersex was never a question for me, it was the answer I had been looking for." "Multiple of the above! Mislabeled trauma and ignored medical issues made more sense after finding out, and a more general discomfort with how I look lessened after finding out, oh i look like this because of that and i look like that down there because of what they did to me"
"wanted to figure out both medical and gender stuff but medical was more pressing so i picked that one"
"never thought of myself as intersex until PCOS fucked my whole hormone cycle up. Now it feels weird not to say im intersex"
"medical issues and gender stuff i guess. I had stuff like slightly too early and too intense puberty and i was like. There is no way that this is normal theres gotta be something to explain this. And then after some time i found out there are hormonal intersex variations that do that stuff. Now to just get myself to accept that im still intersex on hrt 🙃"
"It was very complicated for me because for years I had a feeling that Something wasn't right. And I didn't technically have a period of questioning but I always did feel weird calling myself perisex bc I just felt Something was wrong. And then. Almost 2 years ago now. I was told by my parents that I had my chromosomes tested as a toddler. And I had triple X. They didn't seem to think it was a big deal or anything and so just never thought to tell me?. And then I had a brief questioning period on whether that counted as intersex but within a couple of days came to terms w it"
"Picking only one was tricky for me because the medical trauma and the gender stuff have been so deeply linked for me. [...] I didn't really seriously consider [questioning] until my mid-20s once I had access to therapy for the first time in my life ... At first in therapy the issues of medical trauma and of figuring out my gender were treated as though they were parallel issues but the more we explored them the more evident it was they were linked. When I went through hyperandrogen puberty it felt normal and appropriate, and everything my mom and doctors did to force my body into a female presentation was both traumatic and a source of gender dysphoria. [...] Figuring out I was intersex connected all the dots."
"Other. Wanted to know why people kept being confused by or shocked by my genitals. which honestly answered itself but then i wanted a more in depth medical answer Just In Case (like since i have ovotestis i am at risk of ovarian AND testicular cancer)"
💛💜💛
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zombiepatch · 4 months ago
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sorry for the weird ask but what do you say that about the podcast? haven't caught up with it in some time and now im wondering if i should at all 💀
late(ish) reply bc i struggled to figure out how to word this in a non-rambling manner (failed, ultimately lmao)
i will say, a lot of people liked s4, and there were things i had fun w/ too (smth the show has going for it is the sound design and presentation and that was top notch in s4), so i wouldn't say my own complaints would bother you as much or make it not worth listening to, just that... it might and it certainly irritated me personally to the point of dropping it.
the biggest thing that is especially apparent to me are how flat and unrealistic the side characters are. like, that's always been a problem in the show, but holy shiiiit dude. there's so much drama and angst surrounding arthur but all of these side characters, who could have their own complex motives and thoughts towards him, are like "no arthur is my special special boy. also i just met him" (oscar cough cough) and it's. well. it makes me want to rip my hair out. like i can say with absolute 100% certainty that if arthur were a woman everybody would be like "god, such a mary sue" but LOL
there's also the feeling that i have constantly with this show of just... diminishing returns for conflict and massive inconsistencies. in the beginning of the show, i was making theories and paying attention to cool little details, but after a while i gave up because i started to feel like... it was difficult to pinpoint what elements of the story mattered / actually stuck and what didn't. if that makes ANY sense ^^;
like, i've whined about this before, but i still can't get over how little impact survival cannibalism had on arthur's psyche. i was just kinda waiting for SOMETHING more there that never came. it really feels like it was just forgotten. like... partly this is a me thing bc i like cannibalism as a horror trope and was like "yessss <- freaks" but surely it's not wrong of me to expect the horror show to have more to say about the whole cannibalism thing that apparently happened 😭
frankly there's a lot more i could say about the show as a whole but this is already long and disjointed so i'm gonna stop there. there's a designated negative tag where people, much more eloquent than me, have spoken about their own issues with the show / the creator if you wanna look through any of those posts. there's also a whole blog dedicated to how weird the show is about women, which is a whole other rabbit hole i didn't even mention here.
in all, after all of that, i still like john and arthur as character concepts, so i have a weird ass relationship w/ this show where i'm a huge hater but also i'm taking these guys with me. dont worry guys i'll get you out of there. CERTAINLY not out of the horrors, that's what i came here for in the first place, but... out of canon ^^;
TO END THAT HERE'S SOME FANART I DID AND NEVER POSTED;
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sakuracyanide · 9 months ago
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independent & selective zoisite of sailor moon. 90s canon-based with ample headcanon. multiverse. multiship. not spoiler free. do not interact if under 21. written by iri, established April 2024. personals can follow but do not interact with these posts, it interferes with tracking.
i. character focused, not ship focused. whether or not i ship a thing is largely based on if i feel our writing and characters click. i am multship and do not practice exclusivity on my blogs.
ii. i have precious little free and want to keep my non-work spaces chill and fun. we are smashing barbies together, please remember that. i work pretty hard to curate a chill space online which means i will unfollow for things like excessive negativity or serious real world topics being discussed w/o trigger warnings or under a cut. your blog is your space and i won't argue with you about how to run it, i take full responsibility for my online experience. unfollowing is very rarely personal & i'll still play with folks i break mutuals with, i just don't want to be sidelined by triggering content.
iii. speaking of little free time, activity will range from lightning fast to a snail's pace depending on how much i have going on in my offline life.
iv. if we're mutuals feel free to hit up my messenger. discord is available on request so long as you're chill with me forgetting to reply for 8000 years.
v. i have a lot of headcanons & use a mix of all canons, but the main version of the character i play is the 90s one. with that said i can veer into other canons (such as pgsm, musicals, etc) but please note that i only ship ami/zoisite as platonic soulmates.
vi. most importantly - i'm down to change or pivot direction to keep things fun in any thread.
vii. t feels important to mention have a medical issue that affects my memory so i would appreciate patience if i forget things. i don't mind being reminded to reply if something has been sitting for a long time! my short term memory and general sense of time is shot but i will wake up in a cold sweat six months later and remember i forgot to do something.
likewise, i genuinely do not remember if i have followed someone or not unless we interact often so i'd suggest blocking rather than softblocking if you don't want me refollowing. i don't take it personal, your space & your rules.
verses.
golden dreams. golden kingdom. set in the golden kingdom. a high-fantasy drama where i run wild with my headcanons. zoisite is madly in love with kunzite but is repressing it.
in the dark of the night. dark kingdom. 90s anime timeline.
the moonlight carries the mesasge of love. revival. after galaxia has been dealt with and metallia has been quelled, the reborn shitennou finally awake to their true power - their curses finally broken. marion, the reborn zoisite, makes his way from russia to japan and there - has to figure out how to make amends to the price he twice betrayed, and the guardians he tried to kill.
fragmentary abyss. honkai. one of diamond's four 'assistants', known for both his beauty and exceptional ruthlessness. zoisite has only ever known life in the ipc, and while he bears a stone name (and stone fragments) he is not considered to be a stoneheart.
all four of diamond's assistants are vidyadhara... though were may be the better tense. while all four were once high elders this is a title they can no longer hold. and the vidyadhara do not claim them as kin.
you see, these four were thought lost after the vidyadhara had to flee their homeland. their pearls were shattered, though it is difficult to know if this shattering occurred upon their deaths or if they were stolen and shattered in the attempt. there is no one left alive who can tell the true tale, and the men themselves hold but vague concepts of who and what they once were.
in time these fragments appeared on the black market, before finally falling into the hands of the IPC. they were pieced back together using fragments of cornerstones. they are not recognized by the vidyadhara as the same beings they once were and are viewed as abominations - the breathing equivalent of zombies. though they have access to many of the abilities now lost (shapeshifting, full dragon transformation, mastery of elements) they are unable to use cloud hymn magic and it is unknown if their mangled pearls will allow them to revive should they die again.
the sun goes out. genshin. in a past life, "zoisite" was the szhneznaya god dazhbog, who was said to rule over fire and the sun. dazhbog took many forms - a black tortise, a fire-breathing horse, a beautiful man and an equally beautiful woman. all imagery associated with this god has been lost to time, save for the descendants of his most devoted and the entities long-lived enough to remember his quick wit and sharp smile.
during the archon war, dazhbog aided the cryo archon and gained a new dominion - war. the god was known as a fierce combatant, unrelenting and unwilling to call defeat. he achieved victory at any cost - and, as he would go on to tell others, that cost was very nearly his soul itself. when the dust settled his kingdom was decimated, and he had lost the will to rule as a god after witnessing the cruelty that his kind inflicted upon their own. dazhbog left this homeland and ventured to khanri'ah with his three closest friends, believing that the time of gods was done and it was time to entrust the future of the world to mankind. the four of them took human form and worked as guardians to the royal family. they served as loyal guardians to the kingdom.
which... ultimately proved to be their downfall.
dazhbog became infected with forbidden knowledge. there was still enough of him to save, though what survived was but a fragment. dazhbog and his fellow gods faded from existence, 'reborn' centuries later as ostensibly human children. he was found abandoned at the foot of a the rubble of a long forgotten god, and was raised by handlers to be an assassin.
each reincarnated guardian bears the scars of what they had witnessed that day - for dazhbog, renamed zoisite, this manifested in his left eye. no longer did it bare the star-shaped pupils of his chosen human guise, it now looked like a nova. multiple pupils all within one gaze, the mark of one who had glimpsed truth not meant to be known.
zoisite was raised within the fatui, and due to his great talent and thirst for knwoledge, was sent on a mission as a spy (how active he is depends largely on who he's threading with) to sumeru where has been living since he was about thirteen. he's a scholar in spantamad as is well on his way to becoming sage.
he has a unique talent for magic, allowing him to use all elements offensively. it's rumored that his distorted eye (which he claims to be blind in, opting to cover it with his hair) grants him sight beyond sight. in truth, his abilities allow him to tug at the fabric of the reality.
a question of duty .final fantasy vii. a member of the turks, "zoisite" joined shinra with the intentions of becoming a SOLDIER as all young boys do. when this fell through, the young man was instead recruited by the turks.
hailing from cosmo canyon, zoisite has a surprising connection to the earth - if you trace his lineage back far enough, you'll find cetra. but not nearly enough to hear the planet's call. even if he could, the young man's thirst for power dwarfs his sense of duty to it.
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rontra · 2 years ago
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your art is making me go absolutely feral about wondermagic. I never looked at Zatanna comics before (or much comics in general), do you have any recommendations on where to start? I need more of this funky gay stage magician and her huge dork girlfriend in my life.
oh god. I MEAN first of all YES!!!!! WONDERMAGIC W!!!!!!! im so happy to hear it. they make me actually crazy im glad youre enjoying The Art
however SECOND OF ALL i must confess (as i have confessed before!) that i am a fake ass comic book fan. i've barely read Anything for Any character (LOL) i am not at ALL versed in her various appearances/history. so tbh i hope my more knowledgeable followers can drop recs for both me and you if there's anything particularly noteworthy
but i can talk about what i HAVE read bc my journey with her has been very . memorable to me. THIS IS NOT A HELPFUL POST this is just me infodumping--AT LENGTH--about my and zatanna's relationship. but i do talk a little about what ive read. like casual rontra followers can stop reading here its just rambling
anyway my first exposure to ms zatanna was in the first proper dc comic i ever read. which doesnt count because its extremely not about her (this is a tangent) but its notable for making me out loud go "who is this MAGICIAN" which prompted my partner to immediately reply "you mean zatanna zatara". oh you know her. you know the magician. bitch who the hell is--
you gotta appreciate the experience here. its babys first ever comic. i know superman i know batman ive seen them around (from being alive as a human). i have never in my life heard of the stage magician who hangs out with them (in full costume??) and is their friend(?????)
SHES VERY MEMORABLE. WHO THE HELL IS THIS MAGICIAN
anyway that's all a tangent. flash forwards to last month. i was already working on CTDE from the kara^2 angle (bc i majored in n52 power girl w a minor degree in supergirl: woman of tomorrow, of course) but i was like "i should expand this roster". my friends suggest their blorbos ofc and i have a fun time reading wiki pages from multiple storylines/continuities just getting a wide array of impressions from different places. just snooping around the Vibes. and im like. man i should look at that Magician. read some of HER pages
you gotta appreciate knowing nothing at like 3am, to figuring out ctde zatanna's palette at 5:43 am
i can't resist her.
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anyway i already knew here that i was going to do something weird with her in the CTDE that wasn't necessarily connected to any of her published material. i was cooking independently. the stove was on before i had ingredients on hand bc i had the IDEA first. but i was like "i should look at some of her stuff first-hand and try and refine the Vibes" yknow. like theres limits to how much of a fake zatanna fan i can be
so we put out a call in the Mutuals Network and someone was like "you Could watch the justice league dark movie from 2017 she's in that". i was like ok 1hr15 animated movie i can handle that EASY
i didn't love the movie. so i'm not going to say anything else about it. however something VERY IMPORTANT TO NOTE:
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thats right. wondermagic took hold before i read a single zatanna comic. just as it has for you anon.... we're not so different you and i...
couple days pass. im just relaxing. hanging out. looking at random tumblr blogs that post comic stuff bc im curious. so i stumble on this one post and it has a clean edit of This Fateful Image 👇
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this. GODDAMN image
i was like Wonder Woman is HOW TALL? excuse ME? (>he has also never engaged with a single piece of wonder woman content)
SHES SO TALL........??? and Next To Zatanna? (diesel voice) back in my day we called this spitting distance. and we would post it on /u/
im like okay what comic is this from im going there and im going NOW. to view her. like it's that easy folks. just show me wonder woman, Tall, next to another woman. and i'll go read it
nyway this is Justice League Dark from 2018-2020 it's like 30 issues or so and theres a stretch of chapters where diana is a real hunk its unbelievable. then the art changes but it was amazing while it lasted
(and then i immediately stumbled and wondermagic ctde real)
i really enjoyed this comic actually. i have NO idea how its generally regarded by zatanna nation, but i had a fun enough time. absorbed a lot of DC Comics Magic Lore for my AU which is important
at some point it starts doing Weirdly Umineko Coded dialogue totally unprompted so if you've read that it might tickle your funnybone to see comic book characters asking each other "was this a trick or was it magic 😏". made me feel right at home
my main complaint is that SHE'S NOT DRESSED LIKE A FUCKING MAGICIAN IN IT!!!! COME ON!!!!! they chickened out on the full magician garb in this whole era. which is just so sad. the fishnet fingerless gloves are funny though i might steal that. but i think she is so funny when she's wearing the full magician costume. like call me shallow but her commitment to the bit is so important to me
on the upside she interacts with wonder woman A Lot. the rest of the team is fun too. the justice league dark team is just wonder woman severely failing to put together a squad with any star power at all and i think that's adorable. her failgirl era. now she's out here with her also-rans. i like them all im fond of them
diana scruffs zee like a cat??? she's just hanging there like she's ok with it LOL
it technically jumps off of another comic but tbh if you're willing to hit the ground running and just Accept some stuff in medias res and go with it it's pretty easy to pick up if you wanted
("Just Going With It" is a vital survival skill for getting into comics in general because even if a comic isn't part of a longer continuity its always like "omg glup shitto is here!!! for the fans!!!" and you just have to be like Okay someone else will know who that is. ill just go w it. yknow 😭)
anyway i got a lot of DC Magic Lore (Strangely Familiar Edition) and Zee Content AND!!! Wondermagic Content. in this one. so even if i had an inkling about them before, this comic is really what detonated the charge so to speak. they interact so much
and the dynamic created w their relationship to magic and stuff is really interesting. brainwormy for sure. it took me from "who the hell is this magician" to "DO PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT WONDERMAGIC????? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HELLO???" in one comic. i have a LOT of thoughts about them like genuinely i think there's meat on the bone conceptually for wondermagic
but i think pretty much any time they appear together in general they're just Like That. whenever theyre both in a comic they have to be gay about it (what the fuck did she mean by this). i was losing my mind when i was catching up on DC/RWBY (ABHORRED. avoid if possible) and zatanna is immediately on her bullshit again. IS THAT HOW YOU GREET HER
anyway to sum up my rambling here's a peek into my league of comic geeks library of Shit Ive Read Since Then (that had zee in it). basically i have no further wisdom for you but for the knowers this is where i'm at (click to enlarge)
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it's a totally random selection LOL my strategy is that i look at comics that list her as a cast member and spin an actual roulette wheel in my brain to decide whether i should read it or not. there's very little else going on here. just monkey sees funny magician -> neuron activates
that pretty much catches us up on my zatanna journey. youll notice if you paid attention to the date/time stamps that it took a mere matter of Days to go from "yeah i can watch a movie" to "i think about her kissing women every night before i sleep". it is DIRE in here. im not sure ive ever had such a Severe escalation of worms
i love her. she's my funny girl. anyway. zatanna nation. if you're still reading this. if you're still with me. what is your wisdom. what should me and anon read. please.
this is a matter of international consequences.
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stinkrascal · 1 year ago
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A couple things I was wondering is how did you figure out you had BPD? I know there's a couple disorders that can often get diagnosed beforehand, so I guess how did you know there was more going on? Secondly, what kind of therapy do you feel was the most helpful, if any? I have issues keeping a therapist because they tuxedo mask away after realizing I already have CBT down (which only kind of helps me). Thank you for being open about BPD! I feel like there's so much unnecessary stigma.
hiiiiii!! sorry i didnt reply yesterday i spent all day writing my silly sims stories 😴 i will talk about my experience under the cut!! ty for being curious about it!! <3
umm tbh i was diagnosed in a really weird way lol. so, like, where i went to high school was a really conservative and religious town, and when i was a freshman in high school i was one of the only trans/lgbt kids that was vocally out at my school. there were more of them, my friend group was basically all lgbt ppl, but i was the only person in my school who would demand staff to call me a different name/use different pronouns. but anyways so my lgbt friend group was being bullied pretty badly so our school hired this counselor training in lgbt issues that would talk to us individually about our experiences as lgbt kids who were bullied and such. it was actually really cool you know! but anyways i was one of the students who had to participate in this and the lady who was talking to me realized that i was, like, a really troubled kid lol. and on top of that i was failing all my classes and i had been struggling in school my entire life (like consistently making report cards with at least 5/7 of the classes being failed type of shit) sooooo they basically had this like idk meeting with my parents? where they were super adamant that they take me to a doctor and put me into therapy bc i was struggling really badly and yeah. after that my parents put me into therapy and got in touch w a doctor and i got some treatment and eventually a bpd diagnosis. but yea it only happened cuz of my school forcing them to take me ha.
the truth is i didn't really suspect anything was wrong with me because the way i grew up, i thought everyone acted like me 🤷‍♂️ i think the only time i started really thinking i might have bpd was when i got my first boyfriend at 16, that's when my codependency and attachment issues really started to manifest, and those have always consistently been the bpd symptoms i struggle the most with. but even back then i didn't really know what bpd was, so it wasn't like i was specifically thinking i was suffering w bpd. more so that i knew something was Off about me but i couldn't really explain what it was
unfortunately i haven't gone to therapy in a long time :( and the last time i went it wasn't for bpd treatment at all. so i really can't say what could help you there in terms of therapy. i did group therapy during my bpd treatment but it didn't really help me much.
you're probably not gonna like this answer lmao but i use weed to medicate my intense mood swings and that helps a lot. also just being able to recognize when i need to cool off and being able to use my words to tell ppl that i need to be alone for a minute to clear my head, that helps too. basically just being mindful of ur changing emotions and giving yourself room to feel those emotions and allow them to pass u, without feeling guilt for this, and without projecting those emotions onto other ppl bc at the end of the day it isn't really anyone else's fault that u feel the way you do.
also just try to give ppl the benefit of the doubt in general, ik my bpd makes me SO sensitive like for example. ik we make jokes about this but you guys im not kidding, my favorite mutual reblogging a post from someone else instead of me hurts my feelings so bad some days i have to just log off and go cry about it. CRY ABOUT IT YOU GUYS! it's really awful and totally not grounded in reality 😭 but like it's there, it's something i experience and deal with, and it isn't anyone's fault that it happens, it's just the cards i was dealt with.
so instead of projecting that feeling onto my beloved mutuals and being like Ohhhhh so you actually hate me! You actually want me to kill myself! You've actually never cared about me ever, person I've had two conversations with in total! yeah instead of working myself up for something so silly... i just try to put myself in other ppls shoes, try to remember that when i do things it is not with malicious intent and most people are also not doing things with malicious intent. bc for me, my bpd tends to dehumanize ppl... they arent people with nuance and depth and complex and at times contradictory lives, theyre my Favorite Person, person who does no wrong, person who could never do any wrong no matter how hard they try, and that's dehumanizing, that's unfair to the person!! so by humanizing the other person, by remembering we are all people with rich inner lives and struggles and most of us just want to do our best even when we slip and fall... it helps calm me down from those spirals where im like, ohhhhh god everyone hates me because they didn't reblog a text post from meeeee!!! lol
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measuringbliss · 2 years ago
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Spider-Man Read-Through 012: Hmm watcha say... (ASM 88-92, Ann 7)
MASTERPOST
In this post, we're here to DO CO---I mean, Doc Ock is here.
We get some real nice art in this batch, so check it out!
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See, Otto has been hustling and busting to increase his Bluetooth range and finally, after months, succeeds in taking control again of his mechanical arms.
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Spidey thus does his best impression of a Japanese erotic doujinshi.
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That's a great panel.
The arms escape, but more importantly: Gwen has a great new outfit! Love it.
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Pete also has a great outfit later.
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The yellow jacket/blue pants works exquisitely, obviously, but the sweater below, and the black tie over a white shirt... It's great.
So this issue's about Ock hijacking a plane where coincidentally a Chinese general has also boarded, and Otto uses this to blackmail the US and get money. A bit of racism (unsurprising), a smart idea (Spidey assassin'screeding his way to the plane) and nice outfits prevent this issue from being completely unmemorable. Otto has been through an explosion, but come on, it's not the last time it happens. He'll be alright. He's a big boy.
The next issue doesn't waste time with this either, since Spidey is once again fighting Ock on its cover, no less!
Randy's back, which is great.
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We also get a very nice, if a bit overdone, panel.
On one hand, this issue is almost 100% action, which I dislike. On the other hand, we get fantastic perspective art.
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But in the next issue, D E A T H A W A I T S.
I haven't had readers' letters for two issues now, I wonder if my scans are missing them or if the editors didn't have time for this.
Peter faints because a battle that takes a full issue is just far too long, and this gives us a nice waking up scene, although now I feel like Spidey is constantly sick or weakened.
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Peter still hasn't told his secret to Gwen's father (he HAS to know though, right?). The artists are clever and they beg me to forgive them for last issue by providing both male physique and very nice colors.
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It admittedly works. The colors, not Petter's too defined chest.
To beat Otto's impressive continent-wide Bluetooth skills, Peter invented a counter-measure: Bluetooth, but better! He No Way Home's Otto's tentacles and takes care of him.
Anyway, the tentacles go amok and Captain Stacy jumps in to protect a kid from rubbles and HE DIES. BUT NOOOOOT BEFORE REVEALING THAT HE KNOWS PETER'S SECRET. YES.
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The letters are back, but they're not particularly interesting to me.
It's issue 91 one time, and what better way to close the year (December baby) than with a burial!
Gwen is furious at Spider-Man, whom she believes is responsible. So she's proactive and decides she's going to help Mr. Bullit at the local elections. Spidey's going to be fucked and she's making sure of it!
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Bullit is making his greatest impression of the French government circa 2017-2027 (I will say no name, but those who know, know) and I'm having flashbacks. According to Robertson, he's "a fascist" and "still living in the 1930s". It's heartwarming to know that a century later, my government would be at the same point.
Jameson argues that maybe things were better before, to Robbie's face, which is truly outlandish.
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FLASHBACKS, AS I SAID.
The issue was more disturbing than enjoyable.
In the letters, William Fesselmayer thinks that Hobie has to have guessed Spidey's identity, and I'd reply to him that he probably doesn't care. Someone else actually roleplays as him in the letters with the same "I figured who he is!", lol.
The readers are absolutely obsessed with the mechanics of Spidey's shooting mechanics, whereas I truly don't care about it. Like, it's a subject mentioned EVERY TIME.
In the penultimate issue of this post (92!), Iceman is here and considering he woudn't come out for another 4-5 decades, he's a jerk.
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Look how he is, pretending he's straight!
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Bobby's a breath of fresh air, literally but also figuratively. His powers are entertaining to see, after so much of Otto and Kingpin.
Meanwhile, Gwen's no silent observer. She very much channels our dear Natasha.
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Meanwhile...
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Wow, this is getting real, folks. ASM really starts affirming its politics from 1969 on.
It's page 10 and Iceman and Spidey are fighting for the second time in the same issue, and it feels endless.
And Robbie's kidnapped! Fuck.
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But this panel ruined the tension and made me snicker.
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Like I said, Iceman is a very pleasant addition to this otherwise... complicated arc. But what do I see? THE PROWLER'S BACK!?! Makes sense, given he was very popular (and rightfully so!). But he's going to be for the next post. We have Annual 7 to go through before!
I've read the first two stories before (as they're reprints from the very first two issues!) but not the last one, "A Guy Named Joe" (since I didn't read #38). So let's read it!
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This is one issue before Norman reveals to Peter he's the Green Goblin. What a great guy indeed!
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A protest scene that is sure handled differently than in 1969, huh!
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MJ hadn't been showed yet! But she sure had a bust already.
Fun issue, nothing much to say, Joe Smith is an obvious name for an anonymous guy. It all ends well!
Overall, a mixed batch. It felt a bit too heavy at times compared to real life. Oof. Not that I necessarily disliked it...
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