#figured it out so i get through without surgery

[zylusmusings]

Zayne, whose fingers tremble while he holds your face tenderly in his hands, lets out a shaky exhale as his green-hazel eyes stare at your face. He notices the sun spots, the blemishes and scars and he loves each and every one of them. They’re spectacular and unique features that make them you, his obsession runs deep - his heart beats in sincerity and adoration for your ‘imperfections’ — they add to your beauty.

He’s almost overwhelmed by your presence, positively bewildered that he gets to call the beauty of venus and saturn, the magnificent miracles of the sun and the moon, his lover. And just how spoiled is he in this life to be given the privilege of holding this eighth wonder of the world in his two hands.

His two hands that are a map of different scars and countless stories of pain and anguish. And with you in his hands, Zayne marvels at this paradox.

“You… are everything,” he sighs, his head shaking subtly. “Not just to me. You are everything.” It was important to Zayne that you understood that — you could very well be a stranger to him — you would still be everything. The world would continue to turn, showered with the bliss of your kindness and courage. “I understand the world may be unkind yet it knows that it’ll be in penury if it were to be without you. Do you understand that, my Jasmine?” As attentive as he is while conducting surgery, he stares just as intently into your tear glazed ones, as if there are books written in the swirls of your orbs and he’s determined to learn and dissect every line. He wants to absorb it all, understand how such negative self-perception could ever dip its toes into your mind — you are so beautiful and wonderful (inside and out)!

But until he figures this impossible puzzle out, he’ll settle on bringing the cheer back into your eyes. Zayne is a healer in essence, evident in his occupation as well as this current moment.

His gentle caress is a medicine of its own, his loving words the sweetest treat to make up for the pain. “But if the world chooses to be ungrateful to you today, allow me to remind you that you are my anchor and rock. You have brought so much ease and grounding to my life. I simply wish to be the same for you.” His voice is barely over a whisper, he is determined to protect the fragile bubble you are in now. You are a strong and fearless person, no doubt about that, but tonight you are vulnerable, anxious and fragile — and that is okay. Zayne is here.

“Cry if you have to,” he nods reassuringly, delicately pulling your face to face his when you pull away, tightness bubbling in your chest at his shower of intense affection. “You cannot scare me away.” He repeats his actions and sentiment through words directly this time.

Your bottom lip quivers, and it doesn’t take long for the water works to begin. Zayne is your favourite place to be, and not just because of the last bite of dessert that he saves for you, the back massages he spoils you with after a long day of work (despite his own of hours-long surgeries) or the bills that he pays. But because he allows you to be craven once in awhile, to be imperfect, to tire… and love you all the same.

[raininyourblackeyes]

My dad is starting to take my ankle problems seriously since we went running today and I had to stop after only 1200m because the pain in the left one was so bad I could barely stand

[withwritersblock]

You are in Love

~You are in Love by Taylor Swift~

Author's Note: requested! sorry for blue balling you all! But I couldn't figure out how to really finish this, if that makes sense? Summary: Y/N needed a plus one to her friend's wedding. She invites her best friend Warnings: brief mention of former verbal relationship abuse, implied smut Word count: 15,031 Luke Hughes x fm!reader

They were neighbors first. She knew Jack for a long time. Their interactions never passed a polite conversation and a small smile and wave. The conversations never lasted long enough to even get to know one another. 

That ended when Luke moved in. He was a talker. Jack was always trying to end the conversation so they could leave but Luke and Y/N could talk forever. It was easy and never forced neighborly chat. 

Jack swore it was because Luke was attractive to her. But their conversations were very platonic. But that was because her boyfriend marked his territory from the first time Y/N and Luke met. Jack didn’t even know another person lived in Y/N’s apartment. 

But the second his little brother arrived, her boyfriend felt it was important to make his presence known.

It was only a month into Luke’s rookie season when he offered to have Y/N and her boyfriend come to one of their games. Without hesitation, they agreed to go. After that, the four of them became “friends”. Luke, Jack, Y/N, and Jonathan. 

They would travel to bars together and they would hang out at each other’s apartments. It was safe to say that they were all becoming close. But Jonathan definitely did not like Luke. He was fine with hanging out with him but he thought Luke was attracted to Y/N. Who wouldn’t be, she was the definition of stunning.

Jonathan and Y/N had been together since she was a junior in high school. It had been almost four years of them being together. But it was obvious that their relationship was not perfect or good. They would put on a front to show that they were happy. 

Luke was definitely attracted to her but when they first met he had no intention of romance. His intentions went strictly platonic. His intentions got even more platonic after he found out she was in a long term relationship. He’s not the type of guy to hit on another guy’s girlfriend. Any passing thought he had disappeared.  

Tonight was the last hang out before Jack flew to get his shoulder surgery. They were all hanging out at the Hughes’ apartment. They were sprailed out in the living room, drinking some beers as they watched Quinn’s game on the screen. 

Luke delicately rested his hand onto Y/N’s arm as he stood up from the couch. She smiled softly towards Luke. “Do you guys want anything else?” he asked as he walked towards the kitchen. Jonathan fought back spits of anger as he tilted his head back to stare towards the ceiling. 

“Nah, we’re good,” Jonathan offered. 

“Actually I was hoping–”

“We’re good,” he interrupted her, his face was practically bright red from anger. Y/N pulled her head back as she met Jonathan’s gaze. “We’re good, we don’t need anything else,” he said through gritted teeth.

“What’s wrong with you?” she asked softly before clenching her jaw. He huffed as he rolled his eyes. 

“What’s wrong with me?! What’s wrong with you?!” he shouted. 

“Dude,” Jack mumbled. 

Jonathan stood up from the floor. His back was pressed against the couch as he pointed towards the front door. He quickly began to walk out of the apartment, the beer still in his hands. 

Y/N took a deep breath as she tilted her head back. Shutting her eyes for a moment while she contemplated on following him. She would probably get screamed at if she didn’t follow within the next five seconds.

Jack pursed his lips forward as he awkwardly looked down towards his lap. “Are you okay?” he asked Y/N as he watched her reluctantly stand up from the couch. 

“Nope,” she let out as she walked towards Luke, handing him her half dranken beer. 

“Y/N, hey,” he said softly as he awkwardly took a hold of the drink.

“I’m sorry, so sorry,” she expressed as she walked fast out of the apartment towards her own apartment. 

Jack tilted his head back as he looked towards Luke who was still staring towards the door she left from. “What did you do?” Jack asked as he saw Luke awkwardly place her beer onto the counter. 

“I–I don’t know,” Luke stuttered as he pulled out another beer for himself and for Jack. As Luke walked back towards the couch, their was loud muffled voices coming from her apartment. It was hard to make out the words being said but it was definitely Jonathan yelling towards her. Luke’s eyes widened as he felt his heart start racing.

“Should we go over there?” Jack asked softly as Jonathan’s voice got louder and clearer.

“I’m tired of seeing you throw yourself at every fucking guy on the planet!” Jonathan shouted so loud they could hear it through the wall. 

“I–I don’t know,” Luke mumbled as he swallowed hard. 

It took another ten seconds before they both stood up from the couch, placing their beers onto the coffee table. Luke led the charge towards the door, pulling the door open. His body ran hot. He was seeing red. How could anyone talk to a girl like that? Let alone someone they called their friend. 

“Do we just walk inside?” Luke let out softly. 

“You’re the one that’s acting all macho man!” Jack said as he nervously chewed on his bottom lip. They stepped into the hallway the same time Jonathan pulled her apartment door open. 

“I’m fucking done! We’re done! I’ll get my shit tomorrow! I’m staying with Veronica!” he shouted smugly as he slammed the door shut. He smirked once he saw Jack and Luke. “She’s all yours boys, have at her! I’ve got a much hotter–” Jonathan began before he met Luke’s gaze, “Much hotter woman who isn’t a massive–”

“Fucking finish that sentence and I’ll break your arm,” Luke let out simply as he crossed his arms over his chest. Jonathan’s mouth clammered shut before he shoved passed Luke and Jack, storming down the hallway. 

Jack and Luke instantly walked up towards the door. Carefully pushing the door open. She was sitting on the couch, her face in her hands. 

She didn’t lift her head as another sob fell from her lips. Both of them sat on either side of her, wrapping their arms around her shoulder as they held onto her tightly as she sobbed. Luke glided his hand along her upper back as Jack kept his hand on the center of her back. 

They shared glanced as they both took deep breaths. She was still sobbing. Not caring that she’s technically only known them from less than a year and how embarrassing this probably was. But she didn’t care. She took the comfort, she needed the comfort.

Nine months later

She was sitting on her bed, staring towards the light blue floral maxi dress hanging from her closet door. It was form fitting, a dress that Jonathan wouldn’t have let her wear. Because God forbid another man found her attractive. But she was wearing it tomorrow. 

Tomorrow she had a wedding to attend where she had checked plus one on her reservation card. The reservation card was sent out six months ago. Out of habit she would check the box. She didn’t think she would have a date for the wedding after everything that happened with Jonathan. 

She forgot that she said that she would bring a plus one until the bride, her freshman roommate, Anna, gave her a call and briefly mentioned it. Now she has to have a date to the wedding for tomorrow. 

Standing up, she took a hold of the fabric of the dress, letting it cascade against her hands as she smiled softly. Her phone vibrated in her pocket and she quickly pulled it out to see a text from Luke.

–Luke: let me in pleaseeee

A soft chuckle fell from her lips as she left her bedroom. Y/N took fast steps towards the front door as she pulled it open. “Hey,” she said as she allowed him to step inside of her apartment. 

“Thank god you’re home,” he mumbled as he happily plopped down onto her couch, he took up the whole thing. “Jack’s been gone for like a day and I’m bored out of my mind,” Luke explained as he ran his hand over his eyes. She chuckled softly as she shoved his feet off of the couch. He sat up slightly as she sat down beside him. 

“Are you doing anything tomorrow?” she asked shyly as she twisted the rings on her fingers in a different cadence. He pursed his lips forward as he tilted his head to the side to meet her eye. His cheeks flushed slightly. 

“Nope,” he said as his gaze fluttered all over her features. She nodded as she chewed on her bottom lip nervously. “What’s on your mind?” he asked.

“Do you remember me telling you about my old roommate Anna?” she questioned. He hummed as a reply as he awkwardly ran his fingers through his hair. “Apparently, I’m supposed to bring someone to her wedding. I checked plus one without actually having anyone so now I need a date to this wedding,” she explained in what felt like one quick breath.

Luke nodded slowly, “What suit should I wear?” he asked softly. Her eyes widened slightly as the corner of her lips curled upward. 

“Wait really?”

“I don’t have anything better to do,” he let out somewhat teasingly. Her soft smile widened as she giggled excitedly. She tapped her fingertips against his shoulder several times, joy pouring out of her frame. 

“Okay this is going to be so fun!” she said as she leaned away. “I might’ve forgotten a little detail,” she mumbled as she shyly looked down towards her lap. 

“What’s up, Y/N?” he asked while laughing.

“The wedding is in Connecticut,” she said while awkwardly twisting her rings on her hands again. 

“Doesn’t Anna live in Jersey?” he let out while laughing.

“I don’t understand it either but if we leave today, she has a hotel room that we can stay in,” she explained as she had a hopeful grin on her lips. He tilted his head back against the couch as he rolled his eyes playfully. 

He took a deep breath, “Let me guess you want me to drive?” he let out as he pursed his lips forward. 

“I can drive,” she said as she looked into his light eyes. Her cheeks suddenly heated up as she watched his gaze dip towards her lips for a second before lifting back up to meet her eye.

“I hate your driving,” he mumbled as he stood up from the couch. She scanned his frame for a moment before he held out his hand towards her. “Let me see your dress so we can try and match,” 

Looking up towards him, she fought a grin forming to her lips as she happily took a hold of his hand as he helped her up from the couch. Luke started walking towards her bedroom, still holding onto her hand as he guided her towards her room. Her eyes landed onto their hands, it felt as though electricity was coursing through her veins. 

After a few seconds, Luke pulled his hand away from hers to push open her bedroom door. Y/N awkwardly crossed her arms over her chest as she rested her hand against her own cheek. It was instant heat radiating from her skin. 

Luke was not a guy that put too much thought into the idea of physical touch. Holding hands for a few seconds didn’t mean anything to him. There was no other intentions, he swore. Luke walked towards the closet looking towards the light blue maxi dress and his eyes widened slightly.

He glanced towards her, his lips curled upward slightly. “That’ll look pretty on you,” he mumbled as he looked back towards the dress.

Compliments fell from his lips so easily that they didn’t have any hidden meaning. He was a gentleman afterall, compliments were him being nice. Not being interested in her. She knew that. She knew that. He was just nice, that’s all.

“Thank you,” she mumbled before taking in a much needed breath. “Do you have anything that can work with that?” 

He pressed his lips together as he tilted his head back thinking. He nodded as he met her eye. “I’ve got some options,” he mumbled. He pulled his phone from his pocket as he quickly took a photo of her dress. She furrowed her eyebrows as she smiled softly. “I gotta know if it matches,” he said nonchalantly as he ushered her to walk out of her bedroom.

“I’m going to finish packing while you do that,” she said as she stepped aside. 

“Okay, what time are we leaving?” he asked as he poked his head back into her room. His eyes scanned her frame subconsciously.

“Whenever we’re ready,” she mumbled as she still kept her arms shyly crossed over her chest. 

“Okay!” he called out as he walked down the small hallway towards the front door. Y/N rolled her eyes playfully as she took the dress and placed it into the suitcase very delicately. She was planning on bringing a steamer anyway, but she wanted to make sure it was perfect. 

Obviously, it didn’t need to be perfect. It’s not like she has anyone to impress, or leave speechless. 

An hour passed and Luke reentered her apartment, unannounced this time. He had rolled his suitcase next to her kitchen countertop as he leaned against it. His phone was vibrating in his pocket. Quickly, he pulled it out to see Jack was calling him. 

He brought the phone towards his ear, “Hey,” he let out softly. 

“How’s your break going?” Jack asked sarcastically. Luke chuckled while rolling his eyes.

“I’m actually getting ready to drive to Hartford,” Luke let out as he watched Y/N walk out of the hallway rolling her suitcase behind her. She smiled towards him as she switched her gaze towards her own phone in her hand. Luke continued to watch her, admire her frame.

“Connecticut?” Jack asked while laughing. 

“Yeah, Y/N needed a plus one for her old roommate’s wedding,” Luke explained. At the mention of her name, she lifted her gaze meeting Luke’s gaze. He smirked before he dropped his gaze towards the floor.

“Can’t wait to hear how that goes,” Jack said sarcastically. 

“Sharing a hotel room, huh?” Quinn chimed in.

“That sounds like it’ll be a good weekend,” Jack expressed teasingly. 

“I mean it’s been a long time coming, right?” Quinn shot back.

“Oh yeah, weddings have a lot of romance in the air,” Jack let out through laughter.

“Alright!” he said while laughing, “Goodbye, good luck tomorrow,” Luke forced out as he hung up the phone, silencing the eruption of laughter from his brothers. Luke shoved his phone back into his pocket as he looked towards Y/N. “Ready?” he asked softly as he awkwardly chewed on his bottom lip.

“I think so,” she expressed as she shoved her own phone back into her pocket. “Did you pick a suit?” she asked as she took a hold of her suitcase and began walking towards him. He nodded as he fought off a grin as he looke deeply into her eyes.

“I might’ve packed three of them,” he muttered as his cheeks pinked up. A soft chuckle fell from her lips as she walked up towards him.

“Of course you did,” she mumbled as she walked towards him. He scanned her features as he swallowed hard. “We’re going to have to get gas before we get going,” she offered. 

Nodding slowly, “No we don’t, I’ve got a full tank,” he offered as he pulled his keys from his pocket, dangling them in front of her face. 

Tilting her head to the side, she pursed her lips forward fighting a grin. She rolled her eyes playfully as she began walking towards the door. “Come on, Lukey,” she let out teasingly as she walked towards the door. He chuckled dryly as he followed after her, taking a hold of his own suitcase.

~~~

They only had thirty minutes left of their drive and it was safe to say this was her favorite road trip yet. Luke was an amazing driver, so she didn’t have an ounce of anxiety with him behind the wheel. She couldn’t say anything like that about Jonathan.

She was in control of the music. Luke didn’t mind because they had pretty similar music taste. She would sing along softly to the songs but if Luke was confident, and not so confident, in the lyrics he would sing loudly. He mostly did it to hear her giggle. Her giggle was everything to him. 

Rihanna was playing loudly in the car and Luke was trying to sing the lyrics, pretending to know what he was singing along to. She was laughing as she was singing along. He held his hand towards her and she happily dropped some pretzels into his hand. He tossed them into his mouth as he continued to dance slightly.

Through laughter, “You are an awful singer,” she mumbled out. He glanced towards her, smirking through a mouth full. He tilted his head back slightly against the head rest. “Like so bad,” she said while covering her mouth. 

“Well play something I know!” he said while laughing.

“Fine, fine!” she let out, “You listen to depressing country music, so if you want to kill the mood. Then I’ll play something you know,” she teased. He smirked as he nodded, urging her to change the song. “Depressing country music it is,” 

After a few seconds the song switched to Love You Anyway by Luke Combs. Luke smiled widely as he glanced towards her before he switched lanes. He held his hand towards his mouth mimicking a microphone. 

“If your kiss turned me to stone, I’d be a statue standing tall in Ancient Rome. And if your touch shattered me like glass–” he sang with a country twang in his voice. She giggled as she watched him sing as he bobbed his head back and forth to the slow beat. 

He was adorable as he continued to stare ahead, singing along to the song. He was right he did sound somewhat better. 

“There’s just some things that leave a man no choice. Like a compass needle needing it’s true north. Even if I knew the day we met you’d be the reason this heart breaks. Oh I’d love you anyway,” 

She fought the grin and the soft laughter falling from her lips. He was fully invested in a dramatic performance.  It was probably the cutest thing he’s ever done. 

He finished singing, looking towards her for some sort of approval. “Definitely better,” she said as she clapped her hands together. 

“Thank you, thank you,” he let out grinning as he pulled off on the exit. “Alright, I need a performance now,” he offered as he glanced towards her as they were waiting at a red light. 

“I don’t do solo performances,” she teased.

“Come on!” he begged as he tapped his steering wheel. “Please! I just sang my heart out,” he whined as he pouted his lips. Rolling her eyes playfully, she took a deep breath as she began to search for a song of her own. “Yes!” he cheered as he bit his bottom lip with a grin on his lips.

She pressed play on Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield. She began to dance slightly as she brought her hand towards her mouth as she started singing, “I am unwritten. Can’t read my mind, I’m undefined. I’m just beginning, the pen’s in my hand,” she sang not too seriously. 

Luke was bobbing his head along as he watched her, he glanced in front of him as the light switched to grin. “Staring at the blank page before you, open up the dirty window. Let the sun illuminate the words that you cannot find. Reaching for something in the distance, so close you can almost taste it. Release your inhibitions, feel the rain on your skin–” she continued to sing.

Luke was tapping along on the steering wheel as he was lip syncing. She was pretending to sing badly but even without trying she sounded beautiful. She was an amazing singer, something she always hid. It was beautiful. She was beautiful. Soon she put her hand in front of his mouth mimicking a microphone. He pouted before he sang the chorus loudly with her.

After another fifteen minutes, they finally arrived at the hotel. It was a short cab ride from the wedding venue. Anna’s family rented out the hotel so that all of their guests could have a room to stay in. Luke parked pretty far from the entrance since all of the guests were practically already there. 

She led the charge with her suitcase behind her. She was practically skipping towards the entrance. He rolled his eyes playfully as he followed after her. 

They walked into the lobby, she walked straight up towards the desk. Luke trailed behind her, glancing towards an entire lobby of people he had no idea who they were.

“Are you here for the wedding this weekend?” the desk attendant asked with a forced smile. Y/N nodded encouragingly. “Okay, name?” 

“Y/N Y/L/N,” she let out she glanced towards Luke as he walked up beside her, his shoulder brushed against hers.

“Perfect,” the desk attendant said as he crossed off her name on the paper in front of him. He spun around pulling the key cards from a collection. “Rooms are already assigned, here’s your keys,” he said happily as he handed the key cards towards Y/N and then Luke.

“Thank you so much,” Y/N mumbled as she glanced down to the card that said their room was 805. She switched her gaze towards Luke. “Ready?” she asked softly. He nodded as his eyes flickered all over her features. Her lips curled upward before she began to walk towards the elevator. Luke was following after her like a lost puppy.

She pressed the button for the elevator, “This is going to be so fun,” she said as she was practically exploding with excitement. 

“You really like weddings huh,” he let out as he continued look over her features. 

“I really do,” she let out happily as the elevators door opened. “Come on,” she mumbled as she walked into the elevator. Luke chuckled as he followed her inside. She pressed eight as she stepped back as the doors shut. 

His eyes were still admiring her features. He stared towards her lips, admiring the gloss and the soft smile on her lips. 

After a few seconds, she shifted her gaze to meet his eye. She watched his gaze flicker up towards her eyes. Their eyes remained connected without saying anything. Her eyes squinting slightly while her breathing was starting to quicken. Her lips parted as she was going to say something but the elevator dinged as the doors opened. 

At the same time their eyes shifted towards the brightly lit hotel hallway. Swallowing harshly they both began to walk into the hallway. He clenched his fist as he pressed his lips together as he followed her towards their room. She bit her bottom lip as she kept her gaze onto the floor.

She stopped in front of the room, staring at the 805 on the door. She dipped her card into the card reader, unlocking the door. She pushed it open as Luke rested his hand onto the center of the door holding it open for her. She smiled softly as she walked inside. Her eyes landed on the king size bed. One bed. 

A dry chuckle fell from her lips. Luke walked up behind her, placing his suitcase beside the wall. She dragged her tongue across her bottom lip as she stared towards the bed with a card on it.

Letting go of her suitcase, she reached towards the card. “Y/N and guest. Enjoy,” she read aloud fighting laughter climbing into her throat. “There’s a heart,” she said while chuckling holding it behind her showing it to Luke. 

He cleared his throat as he took the card from her hand. Staring towards the perfect cursive handwriting. “I can go see if there’s a different room available,” he mumbled as he kept staring at her name. 

“We can make it work,” she mumbled as she spun around meeting his gaze, “As long as you keep your hands to yourself,” she let out teasingly. He rolled his eyes as a sudden laugh fell from his lips. 

“Right back atcha,” he teased as he stepped around her, flopping down at the center of the bed. “What time is the ceremony tomorrow?” he asked as he adjusted the pillow beneath his head. 

“We have to be there by four,” she expressed as she rolled her suitcase beside Luke’s. She stood at the end of the bed staring towards him. 

“What?” he asked softly. She shook her head as she sat down on the edge of the bed, kicking off her shoes in the process. “How rich is Anna exactly? This place is nice,” he asked as he continued to look around the small hotel room. 

“Her family owns like Haribo or something like that,” she explained as she stood up from the couch, pulling her suitcase towards the bed. She quickly rested it beside Luke. 

“Actually?” he asked as he watched her unzip her suitcase. She flipped it open and instantly pulled out the dress. It cascaded down as she held it out in front of her. Luke’s gaze landed on the dress, picturing it on her gorgeous frame. 

“I’m not sure, I just know they own something,” she said while laughing. He smirked as she walked towards the bathroom door, hanging it from the top of the door. After a few seconds he stood up walking towards his own suitcase to try and decide what suit would be for the best. 

“Is there a specific color I should avoid?” he asked as he slammed his own suitcase onto the bed. 

“I would definitely say white–” she let out teasingly.

“No I mea–” he trailed while rolling his eyes playfully. “I’ve got a suit that would be perfect but it’s a cream or off white or whatever it’s called. But I don’t know if that would be weird,” he questioned. “I’ve worn it to other weddings but I don’t really know Anna and I don’t know if she would be mad.” 

She nodded as she watched him pull out the cream suit jacket, it was one of her favorites. Her lips curled upward just as there was a knock on their door. Her eyebrows fell into a harsh furrow as she walked towards the door. She looked through the tiny peephole to see Anna standing outside the door. 

Y/N smiled widely before she pulled the door open. “You made it!” Anna cheered excitedly, instantly wrapping her arms around Y/N. Loud giggles fell from her lips. 

Luke rounded the corner to see what was going on. Anna met Luke’s gaze while still hugging Y/N. “Oh my god,” she whispered as she pulled away. “He’s so much hotter than Jonny,” she said, “So much hotter,” she fanned herself.

Y/N eyes widened as she awkwardly chuckled. She pointed towards Luke as he laughed nervously too. “We’re not–he’s not–we’re just friends,” she explained while nervously crossing her arms over her chest. 

“I’m Luke,” he held out his hand towards Anna. She happily shook it. Anna’s eyes widened as she stared towards the one bed.

“Oh my god! I didn’t think–I just assumed. There’s no other rooms available. I’m sorry!” she said panickedly as she pointed towards the bed. 

“Oh that’s amazing suit jacket, that’ll be a great color on you,” she expressed genuinely before she looked towards Y/N.

“It’s okay, Anna. We don’t mind, it’s cool,” Y/N offered as she delicately rested her hand onto Anna’s shoulder. Anna stared towards her while taking in a deep breath. “We promise,” she muttered.

“Oh so that note was probably super awkward,” Anna mumbled. The three of them chuckled. Luke awkwardly pressed his lips together as he stared towards the ceiling.

Her phone vibrated in her pocket. Anna pulled it out to see her fiance, Brandon, texting her saying there was a few more guests arriving. 

“Okay, I have to go but I’m so happy you came! Lots of people I have to see and like no time. I love you, have fun this weekend! We’ll see you at the reception!” Anna expressed as she quickly hugged Y/N before smiling politely towards Luke.

Anna left the room nearly as quickly as she entered it. Y/N swallowed harshly as she forced a small grin towards Luke. “So, that’s Anna,” she mumbled. Luke laughed as he looked back down towards his suit.

“She seemed like she’s fine with the cream–off white– suit,” he let out awkwardly. She laughed as she pushed him slightly. 

“I’m starving, can we find a place for dinner?” she switched the subject quickly. He smirked for a moment.

“I’ll get to googling,” he offered as he flopped back down onto the bed.

~~~

They returned from the restaurant an hour ago and they were getting ready for bed. Luke was in the shower while she was steaming her beautiful dress. A dress she has been wanting to wear for almost a year. 

The TV beside her was playing a random episode of Friends. She listened along as she placed the hand held steamer onto the small desk beside her. She smiled towards it. Weirdly, the dress holds a lot of power over her. All she wanted was for it to be perfect. 

This weekend had to be perfect.

The shower turned off and she spun her head around staring towards the bathroom door. There was small amounts of steam coming from the small crack at the bottom of the door. 

“Oh shit,” she heard Luke say from the bathroom. “Dammit,”

Swallowing harshly, she bit her bottom lip. Almost instantly Luke pulled the door open. Steam poured out of the bathroom behind him. His hair was soaking wet. His body was only covered by a towel loosely around his waist. There were small droplets all over his frame. Her eyes widened as she scanned his frame. Her body froze as she suddenly felt weak looking over him. 

Her eyes trailed up his frame as she soon met his gaze. “I um–” he let out as he stepped towards her. “I forgot my clothes in my–” he mumbled as he looked into her eyes as he gripped the towel tighter on his waist. “My clothes are in my bag,” he let out softly as he continued to look into her eyes. 

Slowly, she nodded as a hum fell from her lips. He took a deep breath, his gaze dipping towards her lips. He cleared his throat as he slipped past her. Spinning around, she rested her hands onto the small desk beside her. Her hands clenched into fist as she let out a breath she was holding. Her shoulders slumped as she squeezed her eyes shut.

She could hear Luke rummaging through his bag. Her fist delicately hit the desk. He shuffled past her as he stepped back into the bathroom. She took a deep breath as she walked towards the bed. She sat down as her feet dangled off the end of the bed.

She took a deep breath as she stared towards the ceiling. “I can’t–” she mumbled as she swallowed harshly. It took another minute before he stepped out of the bathroom. This time a pair of black sweats and a lose black t-shirt on his frame. Her eyes widened as she kept her gaze ahead.

He walked around her as he laid on the bed. Luke leaned up on his elbow as he looked passed her towards the screen. Her body straightened as she took a deep breath. She could feel him laying behind her. She clenched her fist as she tilted her head back. 

“Y/N,” Luke let out.

She stood up from the bed instantly. “I’m going to shower,” she mumbled as she walked towards her suitcase taking a hold of her own set of pajamas before she walked into the bathroom. Quickly, she shut the door as she pressed her back against the door. She let out a huff of air as she shut her eyes again. Carefully, she placed her pajamas onto the bathroom counter.

She walked towards the walk in shower and turned it on. The water was already hot, steaming as it shot out of the shower head. Stepping back, she took the ends of her shirt and pulled it over her head and tossed it quickly towards the floor. Her breathing was fast as she took the remainder of her clothes from her frame. 

Without hesitation, she stepped into the shower. Letting the steaming water burn against her skin. Washing every thought out of her mind as she tilted her head back. Her eyes shut as images of Luke shirtless flashed into her mind. Swallowing hard, her eyes opened trying to push the image from her mind. 

Despite shoving the thought away it found itself back in her mind. Shutting her eyes, Luke’s body came back into her mind. The muscles that look like they’re sculpted by hand. 

Clenching her jaw, she forced her attention towards her body wash to shower as fast as possible.

It took another twenty minutes before she was done with her shower. Stepping out of the bathroom, her entire frame got hit with what felt like a wind of cold air as she reentered the tiny room.

Luke was scrolling on his phone as he was still sprailed out on majority of the bed. He lifted his gaze as he saw her walking towards the bed. “How was your shower?” he asked softly as he dropped his phone face down.

“What?” she forced out, her eyes widened.

“How was your shower?” he repeated slower. 

“Fine,” she mumbled as she climbed onto the bed, pulling her knees to her chest. Luke looked over her side profile, watching her brush her wet hair away from her face as she stared straight ahead. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Luke let out while laughing. Her eyes widened as she looked down towards him, he was still laying and leaning on his elbow. 

“Nothing, I’m fine. Wa–Water was hot, really hot,” she mumbled, swallowing hard. “Really hot water,”

“Yeah?” he let out as he smirked slightly. She hummed before she shifted her gaze back towards the TV, tapping her fingers against her knees. Luke nodded slowly before he climbed off of the bed. “It’s late,” he mumbled. “Are you cool if I turn off the light?” he asked as he walked towards the light switch beside the bathroom door.

“Yeah,” she muttered as she took a hold of the comforter and climbed under the covers. She laid facing the wall. Luke looked over her frame for a moment before he flicked the light switch off. He walked around the bed and laid onto his side again. He climbed under the covers as he was sitting up slightly. 

She tossed the comforter lower on her frame. Luke looked over her, watching her body rise and fall. He took a deep breath, tilting his head back against the headboard. He chewed on his bottom lip as he shifted his gaze towards the TV. 

“I’m gonna watch this a little longer, is that okay?” Luke ashed as he shifted his gaze towards her. Y/N adjusted the pillow beneath her head. 

“I don’t mind,” she mumbled as she forced her eyes shut, needing sleep to overtake her body. He nodded as he kept looking over her body. He took a deep shaky breath as awkwardly fidgeted with his fingers.

~~~

She woke up to the sound of her alarm blaring beside her. She stirred as she reluctantly reached towards her phone that was rested on the night stand beside her. Luke jolted awake before he rolled onto his stomach with a groan falling from his lips.

“Oh my god, turn it off,” he mumbled as he covered his head with a pillow. She chuckled softly as she turned it off. She snuggled deeper into her pillow as she rolled over to face him. Well the pillow that was covering his head. “Why is your alarm so obnoxious?” he questioned, his voice rasped as he spoke.

“How else am I supposed to wake up?” she shot back as she stretched her arms up. 

“To peaceful bird sounds and twinkley noises, not whatever the hell that was,” he expressed as he pulled the pillow from his head. He rolled onto his side to face her, holding the pillow against his chest.

“Is that really what your alarm sounds like?” she asked as she chuckled softly. 

“Absolutely, I like to wake up in a good mood,” he offered before he rolled onto his back, staring towards the ceiling. “Now I’m in a bad mood,” he muttered as he fought off a grin on his lips. 

“I can fix that,” she offered as she looked over his side profile. He swallowed hard as he shifted his head to meet her gaze. 

“Yeah?” he asked as his gaze lowered towards her lips briefly. “Fix it how?” he asked teasingly.

She watched his gaze meet her eye again. She pursed her lips forward as she stewed on it for a few seconds. “There’s a breakfast buffet downstairs that opens in ten minutes,” she offered. He smirked as he raised his eyebrows. He fought off a chuckle as he shifted his gaze towards the ceiling. 

“You do know the way to my heart,” he let out teasingly as he stood up from the bed, whipping the comforter off of his frame. She smiled teasingly before she followed in pursuit. “When do we need to start getting ready?” he asked as he turned on the sink while also reaching towards his tooth brush. She took a hold of hers as well.

“I want to show up by three-thirty, so shoot for that,” she expressed as she applied toothpaste to her toothbrush. 

“And you set our alarm for nine in the morning,” he let out while shaking his head. She chuckled as she rolled her eyes playfully. “Disrespectful,” he muttered before he began brushing his teeth while fighting off a grin.

After another ten minutes, they were walking side by side down in the lobby towards the buffet. 

His phone started vibrating in his pocket, he pulled it out to see Quinn was calling him. “I’ll meet you in there,” he expressed as he held up his phone, showing it to her. She nodded encouragingly before she entered the huge dining area.

He brought his phone towards his here, “Big day!” Quinn shouted into the phone. 

“Yeah, first game of the tourney, right?” Luke let out before taking in a deep breath. He spun around watching her search for an empty table. He watched her look towards his direction. He looked down towards the floor as his heart jumped into his throat.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever–not what I was talking about!” Quinn said while laughing, “Isn’t tonight the wedding of Y/N’s old roommate,” Quinn expressed.

Luke chuckled dryly as he lifted his head up again to look back in her direction. Yet she wasn’t where he last saw her. A small frown formed to his lips as he forced his gaze to the ground again.

“Did you seriously say whatever about the Four Nations Faceoff?” Luke questioned.

“You have been pining after this girl for almost a year and you two are going to a wedding. Where you are sharing a hotel room for fuck sake,” Quinn expressed excitedly.

“Quinn,” Luke let out while laughing. 

“Y/N inviting you to this wedding was practically handing you a condom. You just gotta use it!” Quinn said through laughter. Luke was sure he could hear Jack and a few other guys laughing in the background.

“I cannot believe you just said that!” Luke said as he tossed his head back, “What the hell does that even mean?” he let out while laughing, “You know what, I don’t even want to know! Good luck today,” 

“You too, big guy,” Quinn teased before Luke hung up the phone. 

Luke dragged his tongue across his bottom lip as he fought a grin. He tapped his thumb against the screen a few times before he shoved it into his pocket again. He lifted his head up as he began walking towards the dining area. Y/N was already sitting down, waiting for Luke. Her plate full of food. 

He walked towards her, delicately resting his hand onto the back of her chair. Tilting her head back, she met her gaze. “How’s he doing?” she asked softly. He took a deep breath as he bit his bottom lip for a second.

“He couldn’t care less I think,” Luke muttered as he glanced towards her food. “That looks amazing. I’ll be back,” he said walking towards the line. She chuckled to herself as she glanced behind her watching him walk away. He shifted his gaze behind him, quickly Y/N looked back down towards her plate; avoiding his gaze. 

Her heart was pounding so loudly in her ears. Shutting her eyes, an image of Luke standing in front of her. His body was only covered by the towel. Her gaze lingered on the muscles tensing from the cold air. All she wanted was to glide her hands across the lines of the muscles. Instead of him walking away from her, his hands took a hold of her cheeks desperately leaning towards her.

Forcing her eyes open, she swallowed harshly. She clenched her fist as she took a deep breath. “I can’t,” she reminded herself as she poked her food with her fork. “I can’t think about it,” she mumbled before she brought a forkful of food towards her mouth. 

She kept her gaze on her plate despite the incoming steps towards her. “Everything looked so good,” he offered as he sat down beside her. She hummed as she kept her gaze onto her plate. “Suprised you didn’t get coffee,” he muttered. She hummed again before shoving a bite of food into her mouth.

He nodded as looked over her features suspiciously. “Are you okay?” he asked again as he poked the scrambled eggs on his plate. She hummed again as she avoided his eye. He pursed his lips forward for a moment as he looked over her; avoiding his eye. “You’re doing that thing again,” he asked before he took a bite of food. 

Y/N furrowed her eyebrows harshly before she shifted her gaze towards him. “What thing?” she mumbled before she took another bite of food. He smiled softly as he took a deep breath.

“You go all quiet and avoid looking at me,”

“I do not,” she muttered lowering her gaze again, “I’ve been told I don’t shut up actually,” she shot back. He chuckled while rolling his eyes playfully. He continued to look over her features. Taking note of the soft grin on her lips as he watched her lift her gaze back up towards him. Tilting her head to the side, she met his eye. 

“Which is why it’s weird when you do the quiet thing,” he let out.

“Just eat your food,” she said as she kicked him under the table. He laughed before he took a dramatic bite of food.

~~~

The ceremony was starting in an hour and she only had thirty minutes left to get ready. A robe covered her frame as she was leaning into the mirror as she was applying the final touches of her makeup. 

Luke was standing beside her as he ran his fingers through his hair with some gel in his hands. He was almost ready, he was procrastinating on putting on the suit. It was something he’s always done before game days. Luke felt good for all of five seconds while wearing suits, so he avoided wearing them for as long as possible. But tonight was special. She loved that suit. 

She met his eye through the mirror as she pulled out her lip gloss from her travel bag. He smiled softly towards her as he rinsed the gel from his hands. She applied the gloss onto her lips as she continued to look towards him through the mirror. He smiled softly as he dried his hands off before he began to walk behind her. Delicately, he rested his hand onto the center of her back as he squeezed passed her. 

“I’m going to get changed,” he said softly as he slipped passed her. Her posture straightened as she pressed her lips together to even out the gloss on her lips. She hummed as she watched him walk out of the bathroom while delicately shutting the door. 

The light blue dress came into view. A soft smile formed to her lips as she looked over it. Y/N took a step back as she began to undo the robe. Slowly, she let it slip from her frame before she adjusted her matching underwear. Y/N reached towards the dress and pulled it off of the hanger as she began to unzip the dress and pull it from the hanger.

After a few seconds, she was able to pull it up her frame. Her eyes lit up as she put her arms through the thin straps. It remained unzipped in the back as she admired the color against her skin. Her eyes were brighter as she admired herself in the mirror. Blue was not usually a color she wore. Her business casual attire was constantly neutral tones only.

Her hair cascaded down her back as she glided her hands across her shoulders. Smiling to herself, she felt beautiful. She felt beautiful and sexy and the dress wasn’t even fully on yet. Reaching behind her, she took a hold of the zipper, she began to pull the zipper up her back. 

She was only able to get it halfway up but it began to squeeze her body in an amazing way. She turned to her side admiring the way the dress showed off each curve of her body. Her hands glided along her frame, the fabric was smooth against her hands.

It was everything she was hoping for and more. Except she couldn’t get the damn zipper up all the way by herself. She took a deep breath as she clenched her jaw as she attempted to reach for the zipper again. It moved a milimeter before she realized that she would need help.

The dress was perfect, her hair was perfect, her makeup was perfect. She was perfect. Tonight had to be perfect. 

Swallowing hard she glided her hands along the dress again before she took a delicate hold of the door handle and pulled it open. 

“Luke,” she let out softly. 

“Yeah?” he called back.

“Can you help me with something?” she asked as she took a step out of the bathroom. 

“Yeah,” he said as he walked towards the bathroom. Stopping short as his gaze scanned her frame. He bit his bottom lip as he continued to admire her. “Wow, you look–” he trailed off as he dragged his tongue across his bottom lip, “Gorgeous,” he muttered.

She took a deep breath as she smiled softly as her own eyes looked over his frame. The suit was cream colored with a hint of blue. It was such a unique shade of white that his eyes were the brightest she’s ever seen. His undershirt was more blue but it was still cream-like. He smirked as he watched her eyes look over his body. 

“I can’t get the zipper all the way up,” she said nervously. He nodded as he chewed on his bottom lip. “Can you help with that?” she questioned barely above a whisper. He nodded again as his eyes flickered all over her features.

It was impossible to speak. He was speechless. His gaze lingered on the clear gloss on her lips. Her beautiful lips that he hasn’t stopped thinking about. Her lips that he’s dying to feel on his. He forced his gaze to meet her eye. Her eyes squinted slightly.

Slowly, she spun around pulling her hair over her shoulder. Y/N took a deep breath as she felt Luke’s hesitant hands hover over her frame. It was electric as tension and desperation coursed through her frame. 

Her body straightened as he rested his hand delicately onto her waist as his other hand took a hold of the zipper that was nearly zipped up. Her eyes shut as her breathing picked up. 

He glided the zipper up her frame as his slender fingers grazed the smooth skin of the center of her back. It was fully zipped up and it fit her frame perfectly. His hand kept a hold of the zipper as he watched her tilted her head back slightly.

It was a moment that lasted longer than it should’ve. Him being that close to her and her unsteady breaths. His hand on her waist was twitchy and hesitant. Almost as if it didn’t belong there. It was intoxicating having him that close, her vision was blurring. Yet, it felt right. 

His fingertips glided down the center of her back before he reluctantly pulled his hands away from her waist. Her body instantly ran cold without his touch on her skin.

Luke pressed his lips together as he took a deep breath. Y/N turned around to face him. Her gaze stared towards his chest for a few seconds before she looked up and met his urgent gaze. 

“Gorgeous,” he let out barely above a whisper.

She smirked as she took a deep breath, “I was shooting for stunning, but I’ll settle for gorgeous,” she teased as she watched a wide toothy grin form to his lips. “You look handsome,” she offered as she scanned his frame again.

He nodded, “I was shooting for sexy but I’ll settle for handsome,” he shot back as she pushed him backwards while chuckling. His hands landed onto his collar as he was adjusting it. “Are you ready to head out?” he questioned softly. 

“I will be in like two minutes,” she mumbled as she walked towards her suitcase to pull out the white strappy heels that matched with the light blue. Luke sprayed himself with his cologne three times all over his body. She smiled softly as the smell took over the hotel room. It was the one she bought him for his birthday back in September.

It was a bourbon and oak cologne that she thought he would hate. It was sweeter than a typical men’s cologne. It had hints of vanilla. She thought that alone would force him to leave it on his shelf and never wear it. Except, he has worn it nearly every day since she bought it. 

Luke placed his cologne into his bag, watching her struggle to slip the heel onto her foot. He smiled to himself as he walked towards her, awkwardly holding his hands in front of her to help her. Meeting his gaze, she rested her hand onto his shoulder for stability. 

Once the heels were on, she met his gaze. His cheeks were pink as he was scanning her features. “And we’ve reached stunning,” he expressed. A shy smile fell on her lips as she pushed him away from her teasingly. 

Quickly, she pulled out her own perfume bottle from her own suitcase and sprayed it all over her frame. It was a beautiful mixer of rose and vanilla. “Okay, let’s go! We are going to be late,” she expressed. He chuckled while rolled hos eyes playfully. 

~~~

The wedding venue in itself was gorgeous. The ceremony side was outside. It was an old garden house that was refurbished into a wedding venue. It was covered in vines and gorgeous white and pink flowers. The floor was a shiny concrete that look slick and new. It was beautiful. Luke and Y/N were sitting beside one another near the outmost aisle.  She was sitting on the inside as he was awkwardly resting his hands into his lap.

The ceremony was going to start in a few minutes and she saw a few of her college friends walking towards her and Luke. Y/N smiled a wide grin. “Y/N!” Chloe cheered. Y/N stood up from her seat and happily wrapped her arms around Chloe for a hug. “I’m so glad you came!” she expressed as she pulled away.

“Me too,” Y/N mumbled as she pulled away. “Chloe, this is Luke,” she muttered as she pointed towards Luke behind her. Luke stood up as he adjusted his suit jacket. Chloe’s eyes widened as she nodded approvingly. 

“Ten out of ten,” Chloe let out teasingly. Y/N mouth fell open as she fought off a grin.

“Oh no, we’re just friends,” Luke interrupted as he delicately rested his hand onto the center of her back. Chloe’s eyes widened as she nodded slowly. She took note of the hand on Y/N’s back. “Nice to meet you,” Luke offered his hand towards her. Chloe quickly shook his hand. Sharing awkward glances between them.

Some music erupted inside of the ceremony room, signalling that everyone should get ready for the bridal party to come out. Chloe’s boyfriend jogged down the aisle of seats. Luke, Y/N, and Chloe all sat down in a row. 

Luke looked towards her, taking a deep breath. After a few seconds, she shifted her gaze to meet his eye. “Thank you,” she mumbled. 

His eyes squinted slightly, “For what?” he asked softly.

She smiled softly, “For coming with me,” 

“Of course,” he let out with a dry chuckle as the music switched towards the typical bridal music. Their eyes remained connected as the bridal party began making their entrance into the venue. “Y/N,” he let out softly.

Swallowing hard, she forced her gaze towards the bridal party. Awkwardly, he pressed his lips together as he tilted his head back.

The ceremony began with the usual wedding speech. The sun was starting to set behind the alter. From the glass being somewhat clear, it created a beautiful hue of orange and pink. Anna and Brandon were stunning. 

“Today is a celebration. A celebration of love, of commitment, of friendship, of family, and of two people who are in it for forever. You don't have to have a ceremony to have a marriage. And when you think about it, the whole thing is kind of weird, right?” Anna’s brother began, who was officiating the ceremony. He continued on cracking a few jokes here and there. Anna didn’t want anything serious, her brother officiating the ceremony was the perfectw ay to make that happen.

“You fell in love by chance, but you're here today because you're making a choice. You both are choosing each other. You've chosen to be with someone who enhances you, who makes you think, makes you smile, and makes every day brighter. You're about to make promises to each other that you intend to keep. You're going to vow to take care of each other, to stand up for one another, and find happiness in the other.”

You’ve chosen to be with someone who enhances you.

Her gaze shifted towards Luke during the speech, his gaze was already on hers during it. Meeting his soft gaze, her lips curled upward. A barely audible chuckle fell from her lips as she tilted her body into him; bumping him. A toothy grin formed to his lips while he rolled his eyes playfully. 

The rest of the ceremony went by beautifully. Anna’s brother’s words were clearly something that Anna wrote for him to say. Anyone that knew him, knew he had to study those words. But it was beautiful and unique to Anna and Brandon. 

Anna could barely get through her vows. She spent most of her two minute speech, trying to stop crying. Through the tears, she was able to express all of her love and admiration for her partner. “My everything, my world. I want nothing more than to spend forever with you. I love you, B,” she concluded as she carefully handed the paper towards her maid of honor.

“Anna,” Brandon began as his voice shook, “There was a time in our lives where we were convinced that we were just friends. That part of our life lasted seventeen years. In case you guys didn’t know, we’ve been friends our entire lives because our parents we’re best friends. You’re my soulmate but I thought we we’re those platonic soulmates. That was until we went to prom as just friends and then I kissed you. So that whole just friends thing went right out the window.”

The entire ceremony began chuckling along as Anna rolled her eyes playfully.

“But you’re my best friend and the love of my life. I never thought that I would fall in love with the girl I’ve seen eat worms at the age of six or the girl who fell off of the monkey bars and broke her arm trying to impress the playground yard at the age of nine. I never thought that my best friend and I would fall in love. But everyone in our lives did. It was as if destiny refused to change our path, the path that allowed us to fall in love and stay in love. I want nothing more than to grow old and wrinkly with you. I am so in love with you Anna Julie Grimes,” 

Y/N tilted her head back slightly as her eyes began to get teary. God did she love weddings. Delicately, she raised her hand up and tapped away the tears that were fighting to fall from her eyes. She took a deep breath as she watched Anna wipe tears away from her face. 

Y/N sniffled as her lip quivered. Luke rested his hand onto her clothed thigh forcing her gaze towards him. She met his eye as she smiled shyly. He dragged his thumb across the fabric of the dress as she looked back towards Anna and Brandon. Luke kept his hand low on her thigh.

After a few more seconds, Brandon kisses his bride in the most dramatic fashion. He dips her back. Everyone began to clap and cheer for the newly weds. The bridal party began to walk down the aisle the same order they arrived in the ceremony. 

Anna and Brandon kissed several more times as the bridal party was leaving. Y/N wiped her tears again as she was smiling widely. As Anna and Brandon started walking down the aisle, all of the guests stood up and clapped as they walked out of the venue. 

Hesitantly, Luke rested his hand onto the center of her back. His thumb gliding along her skin. Her body stiffed, not used to his hands on her skin like that. She turned to meet his gaze, smiling softly. 

“You really love weddings, huh?” he let out teasingly. She fought off a smirk as she tapped beneath her eye again.

“I really do,” she mumbled as she looked into his soft gaze. He ran his hand back and forth slowly. Their eyes remained connected as they talked quietly about the ceremony in itself.

Chloe glanced down towards Luke’s hand onto Y/N’s lower back. A teasing smirk on her lips.

The reception started two hours ago and it was safe to say that majority of the guests were tipsy from the open bar. The food was incredible and now all of the guests were on the dance floor. There was not a single person sitting down. 

It was as if they were in a night club with everyone clustered together dancing and singing along to the songs that the DJ was playing. To her suprise, Luke was fully invested in dancing, she thought he wouldn’t want to partake. He looked ridiculous but she was convinced that she also looked ridiculous.

Resting her hand onto his chest, she leaned towards him, “I’m going to get another drink,” she whispered loudly into his ear. He nodded.

“I’ll come with you!” he shouted, a smirk toying to his lips. He held out his hand towards her and she gladly accepted it allowing him to guide her through the crowd towards the bartender. He was holding her hand tightly as he glanced behind him every time making sure she was okay. Every time their eyes met, her stomach erupted into butterflies.

Once they left the crowd, she thought that he would drop her hand. Except he didn’t. He kept a hold of hers as he slowed down. He stopped short waiting for her to walk beside him. 

They reached the bartop, the bartender immediately looked towards their direction. “I’ll take a beer and she’ll have–” he trailed off as he met Y/N’s gaze. Her mouth fell open as she looked into his eyes. His eyes were so bright despite the darken venue. She watched as his gaze lowered towards her lips as he bit his bottom lip. 

“Vodka cranberry please,” she offered as she forced her gaze towards the bartender. Slowly she slipped her hand away from Luke’s. His gaze immediately dropped down towards his hand without hers. He pressed his lips together as he rested both of his hands onto the countertop. She followed in pursuit as she bobbed her head back and forth to the Wocka Flocka Flame song in the background.

“Having fun?” he asked softly as he inched towards her. His shoulder bumped into hers.

“I’m so happy you’re here,” she mumbled. He smirked. She loved when he did that. His cheeks would also flush slightly every time his lips curled upward like that. Her heart would pound so hard against her chest. 

She was tipsy, her thoughts always toyed the line of what it would be like to kiss his perfect lips. A mental pros and cons list of what would happen if she did. 

The bartender slid over the beer and the short glass. Luke forced his gaze towards the bartender, sliding over a fifty dollar bill. The bartender’s eyes widened but he didn’t oppose on the tip.  

Luke brought the beer towards his lips, taking a long sip while making eye contact with her. She took the tiny straw towards her mouth, sipping urgently. 

He rested the beer onto the bartop as he reached up and unbuttoned another button of his undershirt. His cheeks were flushed red as his forehead was glistening with sweat. She didn’t slow down, desperate to intoxicate more and more of her thoughts.

His eyes widened slightly as he chuckled, “Woah,”

“Was thirsty,” she let out teasingly, the glass was empty and she happily placed it back down onto the countertop. 

“Guess I gotta catch up then,” he mumbled bringing his beer towards his lips.

“You’ll need like four more,” she let out. He shook his head while drinking it. The bartender wandered back towards the pair, looking towards her expectantly. “Can we have two vodka cranberries, please,” she let out. The bartender nodded as he began making the drinks again. 

Luke finished his beer, nearly instantly and placed it down. He leaned against the bartop on his elbow as he looked into her eyes. “This is crazy,” he let out as he pointed towards the dance crowd. Even Anna and Brandon’s older relatives were apart of the dance floor. 

“I expect nothing less from those two,” she explained while chuckling. Y/N brushed her hair off of her shoulders. Tilting her head back as she shut her eyes for a moment.

“If my wedding isn’t a party like this, there is no point,” Luke expressed as he looked towards Anna and Brandon dancing like no one was watching. Anna was scream singing in Brandon’s face. They were in love and it was so evident from how they were looking and dancing. Luke dropped his head towards the floor as he dragged his tongue across his bottom lip.

The bartender placed two of the short glasses in front of them. Y/N happily took a hold of it and instantly brought it towards her lips. He smirked before he brought the tiny straw towards his mouth. He took a cautious sip before he nodded. Shocked that it was good. 

“Alright, I need all of the couples on the dance floor for a little slow dance,” the DJ spoke as he slowly changed the song to Easy by James TW. Luke took another long sip before he placed the mostly dranken glass onto the countertop.

He held out his hand towards her. She squinted her eyes slightly as the corner of her lips turned upward. “Luke,” she let out barely above a whisper.

“We’re dancing,” he expressed as he let her take another long sip of her drink before she placed it down.

“Okay,” she mumbled as she took a hold of her hand. He guided her towards the dance floor where people were dancing together. Anna and Brandon were in the center while the couples surrounded them. They found a spot, where Luke dropped her hand waiting for her to initiate. 

A shy smile formed to her lips as she delicately raised her hands up and rested them onto the base of his neck. Her thumbs glided along the skin beneath his jawline as he slowly wrapped wrapped his arms around her lower back. His hold at first was hesitant but she slowly got closer to him. Subconsciously, she glided her fingers through the ends of his hair. 

“I’m surprised,” she muttered as her gaze flickered all over his features. His eyebrows furrowed slightly.

“About what?” he questioned softly.

“From your dance moves earlier, I assumed you had no rhythm but here you are,” she let out teasingly. A chuckle fell from his lips as his arms around her waist tightened, pulling her closer to him. 

“I have incredible rhythm, thank you,” he shot back. 

Soon her arms wrapped around his neck, getting closer to him. He smirked as he stared towards her lips. “Found a way to my heart now it’s like you’ve here the whole time, ‘cause girl, you make it, oh, so easy. Oh so easy to love you,” the lyrics rang loudly throughout the room. 

“Not as good as me,” she teased. He pursed his lips forward as he fought a grin while shaking his head. 

Their eyes remained connected for a while. She never wanted to look elsewhere. His blue eyes were so intoxicating as he didn’t look away. Usually by now she would look away, overly shy. But the alcohol in her system or his hands around her waist gave her the confidence to fully look into his gaze. There was something different with the steady gaze he gave her. 

His cheeks were flushed red while they continued to sway to the new slow song, This Love by Taylor Swift. She took a deep shaky breath while her lips curled upward slightly. 

Luke’s lips parted as he contemplated on saying something. One of his hands glided along the exposed skin of the center of her back. His thumb very delicately glided along her skin. Her body erupted with goosebumps.

“You’re my best friend, you know that right?” he let out softly. 

Her smile widened as she looked into his eyes while her heart jumped into her throat. All she could muster up was a nod as she rested her head against his shoulder. Words were impossible but being this close to him felt so right. He tilted his head against her head as they continued to sway back and forth to the lyrics.

“Been losing grip on sinking ships. You showed up just in time. This love is good, this love is bad. This love is alive back from the dead. These hands had to let it go free and this love came back to me,” the lyrics rang out.

Her eyes shut as she took in the familiar scent of the cologne he wore; every day since she bought it for his birthday. She could hear her heart pounding against her chest. 

They’ve never been this close, their bodies pressed against one another. Yet it was familiar, like their path allowed them to be this close. All she ever wanted was to stay in this moment, their bodies swaying in perfect sync.

“Y/N,” he mumbled against her ear. Slowly, she lifted her head off of his shoulder, their faces mere inches away from own another. Taking in a deep breath she pulled her hand back, gliding it along his neck before she took a hold of his cheek. 

Her manicured thumb glided along his cheek. Their noses bumped into one another as his breathing was uneven. Her lips curled upward slightly as her eyes shift upward, meeting his gaze. His eyes squinted slightly before she looked back down towards his lips. Her eyes fluttered closed, trying to obtain any amount of courage she has.

She couldn’t wait any longer while pulled him towards her. Her lips met his with so much need and desperation that Luke froze for only a second. His lips parted, deepening the kiss instantly.

His hands tightened along her waist as he pulled her against him, kissing her back instantly. His lips tasted like the vodka cranberry he just drank as his tongue met hers. Her entire body felt like fire while his lips were perfect against hers.  

There was no moment where they were trying to figure out what each other liked. It was as if they knew exactly what the other person wanted. He pulled back taking an urgent breath before he reached his hand up and tangled his hand into her hair as her arms wrapped around his neck.

A soft moan fell from her lips as her hands found his curls again. Her fingertips glided and tugged at the short curly pieces at the base of his neck. He pulled back, his eyes flickering open as he watched her lean towards him again. 

Looking around him, he noticed the other wedding guests. The reminder that they weren’t alone, surrounded by a hundred people he didn’t know. He chuckled softly as he raised his hand up, delicately brushing a few pieces of hair away from her face. She took a deep breath as she finally opened her eyes meeting his gaze. 

“Luke,” she mumbled out. 

“Can we–” he trailed off as she instantly nodded as her hands glided down his chest, gripping the suit jacket. 

He chuckled dryly as he stepped back, tilting his head back slightly. He grinned as she held out her hand towards him. He gladly rested his hand in hers as she began guiding him away from the crowd. 

Her gaze stared towards her phone in her hand as she was ordering an Uber to take them back to their hotel. After the order was placed, she raised her hand up towards her cheek, feeling the heat rising against her skin.

Luke admired her frame. Her hips swayed as she walked in front of him. There was an overwhelming sense of urgency in the way she guided him out of the venue. He was drunk but his mind was the clearest its ever been. 

She was everything to him. 

She’s everything that he’s ever wanted. 

She’s everything that he’s ever needed. 

They stepped outside, the Uber was nearly there. The cold air hit her skin yet her body was so hot it didn’t matter. She leaned against the wall outside of the venue and Luke stepped in front of her. Luke pulled his hand away from hers as he scanned her features. Looking up towards him as he took a hold of her chin. His thumb glided along her jawline as he looked into her eyes.

Her hands rested onto his chest for a moment before she glided her hands up towards his neck.

He leaned towards her delicately pressing his lips against hers. Her phone vibrated in her pocket as she reluctantly pulled her head back. His eyes flickered open as he glided his thumb across her swollen bottom lip. 

“Fuck,” he let out barely above a whisper. She smirked as she glanced behind him, noticing the car behind them.

“Uber’s here,” she mumbled. He hummed before he leaned towards her pecking her lips for a few seconds. He walked towards the Uber, introducing himself as they both climbed into the back seat.

The Uber took off to the hotel that was only a few minutes away while Luke reached over and took a hold of her furthest thigh from him. His hand was running along the fabric of her dress soothingly. 

Y/N tilted her head to the side looking over his side profile, admiring the redness of his cheeks. “Luke,” she mumbled. He turned his head to meet her gaze as the driver turned up the radio. He took his hand off of her thigh as he raised his hand up and rested it onto her neck. Luke pulled her towards him, kissing her so delicately before he leaned forward; pressing his forehead against hers.

It only took another minute before the Uber driver pulled up to the hotel. 

They climbed out of the car together. She began walking ahead of him. Luke glided his hand across his chin as his eyes trailed her frame. 

She glanced behind her, almost double checking that he was following after her. Of course he was. They entered the hotel lobby and walked straight towards the elevator. Luke pressed the elevator button several time before he reached towards her, taking a hold of he waist. 

Y/N giggled as her back pressed against his chest. He brushed a few pieces of hair away from her neck. She pressed her lips together as she tilted her head to the side. Luke pressed wet kisses along the side of her neck. Her breath caught in her throat as his hands wrapped around and rested onto her stomach.

The elevator doors opened and Luke instantly guided her into the elevator. Another giggle fell from her lips as she instantly pressed eight. He guided her towards the back of the elevator, forcing her body against the wall. A sudden gasp left her lips as she watched his swift movements. The elevator doors closed and he instantly took her lips with his. 

A rush of heat coursed through her body as he began to suck on her bottom lip. A breathy moan left her lips as he popped her lip out of his mouth before he devoured her lips once more. Her stomach tightened as pleasure coursed through her body. His body pressed against hers, desperate to get as close as possible.

The elevator dinged as it pulled open. Reluctantly, he stepped back, his chest rising and falling quickly as he scanned her frame. He grinned as he walked backwards holding his hand towards her. She smirked as she took a hold of his hand, letting him lead her towards their shared hotel room. 

Luke was pulling out the keycard from his pocket as he continued walking down the hallway. They reached their hotel room and he instantly unlocked the door.

The hotel room was nearly pitch black. Luke pulled her inside, a soft giggle fell from her lips. Her back pressed against the door as she met his gaze. Slowly, Luke pulled the suit jacket off of his frame while looking into his eyes. He tossed it towards the floor as he reached towards her taking her face in his hands as he continued to look into her eyes.

“Should we talk about this first?” he asked softly as he searched her gaze for answers.

Shaking her head slightly, she took a hold of one of the buttons on his undershirt. She began to unbutton his shirt, “I’d rather not talk,” she expressed as she tugged at his shirt. He stepped back, kicking his shoes from his frame as he continued to unbutton the shirt for her. 

Without hesitation, he pulled the shirt from his frame, tossing it to the ground. Luke instantly stepped back towards her, taking a hold of her cheeks as he devoured her lips. Quickly, she kicked off her heels as her hands glided along his newly exposed skin. 

He took a hold of her waist, guiding her away from the door, towards their shared bed instead. They tripped over his suit jacket over the floor, causing giggles to fall from their lips. She pulled her lips away from his as she glided her hand down his chest teasingly. His lips curled upward as his hands glided along her frame.

Slowly, she turned around, pulling her hair away from her back. He glided his fingertips across her upper back while he carefully took a hold of her zipper. Hesitantly, he rested his hand onto her waist. He didn’t tug the zipper down instantly, suddenly nervous. 

“Please,” she mumbled as she tilted her head back slightly. A soft blush formed to his lips as he tugged the zipper so slowly down her back. He glided his hand along the skin, toying with the clasp of her bra before he slowly pushed the straps of the dress from her shoulders. 

Carefully, still facing away from him, she pulled the dress frome her body. Stepping out of it, she kicked it away from them. Luke took a hold of her stomach pulling her back against him. “Luke,” she mumbled as he pressed wet kisses along her shoulder, towards her neck. He hummed against her ear before she slowly turned around to face him. His eyes widened as his gaze lowered. Her body was only covered by the lacy light blue bra and underwear. 

Standing so exposed in front of someone like this, she was used to overwhelmed. A wave of insecurity used to wash over her. But right now, she’s never felt so beautiful. Subconsciously, her arms began to cover her frame. Luke instantly took a hold of her arms, pulling them back down to her side.

His lips curled upward, seeing her like this; seeing her in a light that is only for him to see. He took a delicately hold of the strap of her bra, pulling it forward as he glided his hand down. Letting it clasp back in place. 

Her gaze was shifty, afraid to fully look into his eyes. He reached towards her, resting his hands onto her cheeks’ forcing her to meet his gaze. “So fucking beautiful,” he mumbled as his thumbs glided along the hot skin of her cheeks. He leaned towards her pressing his lips so delicately against hers. 

Slowly, she pulled away from him as she carefully sat down onto the bed. She looked up towards him, her eyelashes fluttering. He stepped back, unbuttoning his pants in the process as he grinned towards her. His chest was hurting from the intense unsteady breathing. She leaned back, scooting back on the bed as a soft chuckle fell from her lips. 

Without hesitation, his boxers the only thing covering his frame, he climbed on top of her. Their lips connected instantly. Her hands instantly found his curls as she tugged on the small strands. His hands started roaming her body, delicately gliding along her silky skin. 

“Luke,” she mumbled against his lips. He pulled back briefly before he began to trail wet kisses from her lips down her neck. She tilted her head back giving him more access. His tongue circled momentarily as slowly climbed lower down her frame. “What does this mean?” she found herself asking as her hands ran into his curls. He hummed against her collarbone as he toyed with the clasp of her bra. 

“I thought you said no talking?” he muttered as he looked up towards her as he unhooked her bra with one hand. She bit her bottom lip as she helped him pull her bra from her frame. “Just be here with me, right now,” he mumbled against her skin. “No overthinking, no thinking at all,” he pressed his lips against her collarbone. 

“Yeah, yeah; let’s do that,” she mumbled breathlessly. He chuckled against her skin, sending a vibration through her body.

~~~

It was early the next morning when she finally woke up. She stirred slightly, taking in a deep breath as her eyes slowly flickered open. Glancing down, she saw familiar hands around her stomach. She felt his lips, softly brush against her shoulder.

Flashes of last night entered her mind like photographs. The way his hands gripped and glided along her skin. His lips pressing and sucking against her skin. The breathiness of his voice and the soft moans coming from her own lips. Her vision blurring from the overwhelming amount of desire as he continued to make her feel so good. His lips and hands felt like they were meant to touch her frame, please her.

“Morning,” he whispered before he continued to brush his lips delicately along her skin. Slowly, she rolled onto her back, meeting his tired gaze. She raised her hand up and delicately glided her hand along his skin.

“So last night wasn’t a dream,” she mumbled while looking into his gaze. He smirked slightly as his fingertips glided along her skin of her back in an inconsistent pattern. Leaning towards him, she kissed him; mainly to see if the magic from her intoxicated mind was still there. 

As soon as his lips connected with hers, the sensation was almost more magical then the night before. She hummed as she pulled away, every ounce of tension in her body faded as she looked into his eyes.

“What are you thinking?” he asked softly as he continued to glide his hand along her skin. She shook her head as she began to kiss him again. He chuckled against her lips as she carefully push him onto his back. Her hand glided along his chest, the more she deepened the kiss. She could feel his heart pounding hard against his chest.

She pulled back, meeting his gaze, “What’s this?” she asked softly as her hand continued to carefully glide along his chest. 

“What?” he asked softly, a dry chuckle leaving his lips.

“Why is your heart beating so fast?” she asked. He glanced down towards her hand on his chest.

He smirked, “I can’t really control it,” he let out teasingly. 

“Do I make you nervous?”

“A little,”

“Why?” she asked softly as she continued to look into his eyes. His lips fell into a pout as he shook his head slightly. “Don’t be nervous,” she whispered.

“What are we doing?” he asked softly as he ran his hand across her cheek. His thumb gilded along her lower lip. Y/N hummed as she looked into his eyes deeply. She didn’t reply right away as their eyes remained connected. Simply enjoying the moment of them being this close. 

“Right now, I just want to stay like this,” she explained as she inched towards him, wanting his lips on hers again. Luke nodded as he looked all over her features, “I don’t want to talk about anything yet,” she mumbled. 

“But–” he muttered as he glided his hand to the base of her neck. Her lips fell into a pout. “We’re going to have to talk about it eventually,” he expressed. She nodded as he quickly leaned towards her kissing her desperately. 

“Okay,” she mumbled against his lips as he slowly climbed on top of her, a giggle falling from her lips.

~

They were only fifteen minutes from their apartment complex and neither of them have talked about what has happened. The music was loud and they were singing along to the  songs. Their hands were kept to themselves. Suddenly aware that the bubble they have been in since the wedding won’t last.

Reality was around the corner and wedding bliss was completely gone. The tension between them was high, she missed having his lips on hers. She knew that last night meant more. It was obvious to both of them that they had feelings for one another. But it was difficult to finally say the words.

Luke swallowed hard as he reached over and turned down the music. 

“I was listening to that,” she mumbled as she tilted her head to the side to meet his brief gaze. 

“Y/N,” he let out with a soft smile on his lips.

“I know,” she muttered while chuckling softly. “I just don’t know what to say,”

“I would maybe start with something like “Oh my god Luke, you’re like the best kisser ever,” or something,” he let out mocking her voice slightly. 

She barked out a laugh, “I would never say anything like that,” she teased.

“So it’s not true?” he said with a smirk.

“I would never stroke your ego like that,”

“Funny, you did a lot of that last night–”

“Luke Hughes!” she scolded smacking her hand against his shoulder.

“And this morning,” he let out, a teasing grin on his lips.

“Oh my god, Luke,” she let out again while shaking her head.

“There you go,” he teased.

She rolled her eyes playfully while looking back down towards her lap. Slowly, she spun the rings on her fingers as her heart was pounding so loudly. She chewed on her bottom lip as she searched for the right words.

Usually she would run. She hated confrontation or real conversations. Maybe that’s because Jonathan was never good at it. She was always afraid of speaking her real feelings, finding the right words.

Luke took a deep breath, realizing it was more serious than what he was letting on. It was important, this moment was important. Probably not perfect timing on his part because all he wants to do right now is kiss her. Except he was flying down the expressway going eighty miles an hour. 

Y/N fist clenched as she shook it slightly. She tilted her head back, staring towards the car in front of them. “I am not good at this,” she muttered while letting out a long breath. 

“What do you mean?” he asked softly as he glanced towards her for a second.

“I’ve only been in one relationship and it was bad. Not even just at the end. It wasn’t good from the start. I don’t know what’s good. I don’t know how to be–” she trailed off as she dropped her gaze towards her lap. “I know but I can’t say it. I don’t know how to say it,”

“I don’t know either,” Luke let out while taking a deep breath, “But I do know that I am in love with you,” he forced out. His eyes widened slightly as his mouth forced shut. He stared ahead as he pulled off the exit towards their apartment. Her lips curled upward as her heart jumped into her throat.

“In love?” she asked with a smile. 

He scoffed before he let out a sudden laugh. “Don’t pretend like you didn’t know,” he teased as they pulled up to a red light. Their eyes finally met as he tilted his head to the side.

“I’m not pretending,” she mumbled, “I thought–I didn’t– I thought you were just…” she stopped talking as she continued to look into his eyes. “In love?” she asked a grin toying to her lips. 

“I thought I was obvious,” he let out teasingly as the light switched to green. He forced his gaze ahead. “Like embarssingly obvious,”

“And how were you obvious?” she questioned teasingly.

“Well there was the constant flirting with you,”

“It was not constant,” 

“It was almost all of the time, actually,” Luke let out while chuckling.

“Maybe you’re bad at flirting,”

“Maybe you’re oblivious,” he turned his head meeting her gaze as they landed at another red light. “I was kind of just waiting until you were ready,” 

“Ready for what?” she asked softly.

“Ready for this,” he muttered as he leaned towards her, kissing her desperately for only a few seconds. He kept his hand onto her cheek, gliding his thumb across the skin momentarily before he pulled away from her.

“We need to get home,” she mumbled as she tilted her head back as she bounced slightly. Her body was full of adrenaline as she saw their apartment complex straight ahead.

“Yeah?” he let out teasingly as he drove ahead. All she come muster up was a hum as she chewed on her bottom lip. He pulled into the parking garage towards their apartment complex. He parked his car in his parking spot and instantly climbed out of the car. She followed in pursuit. 

He jogged around towards her side of the car, looking deeply into her eyes. Luke stepped up towards her as her back pressed against his car. Her heart jumped into her throat as she looked into his eyes. 

He reached his hand up and delicately took a hold of her cheek, “I’m in love with you,” he whispered again. Her lips curled upward as she scanned his features. 

“Yeah?” she teased. He rolled his eyes playfully, shaking his head slightly before he leaned towards her kissing her urgently.

Her hands instantly found his hair again, pulling him closer if it was even possible. “I’m in love with you too,” she mumbled against his lips. 

He pulled back as he tilted his head to the side, “Thank god,” he mumbled before he devoured her lips once more. 

[luveline]

I'd love a wisdom tooth with Hotch; I got mine removed last Saturday and I'm in pain 🥲

You should’ve had your wisdom teeth out years ago, but you couldn’t afford it. When Aaron suggested you get them removed after a particularly embarrassing bout of pain, you’d been honest with him: you still couldn’t afford it. Stuff kept going wrong, your car would break down, or your landlord would hike the rent, and you didn’t have enough saved up to do it without worry. 

So he pays for it. You don’t ask him to, you fight him on it, but he hates seeing you in pain. 

“You’re my hero,” you say, mumbling through gauze. “Generous hero.”

“It’s not generosity,” he says, reaching across the console of the car to catch your hand, “try not to touch your mouth.” 

“I feel dizzy.” 

“I know, honey. Can take some more deep breaths for me?” 

He suspects you’re not only dizzy, but overstimulated. You take a few deep breaths, and then you say, “That’s so nice.” 

“What is?” he asks, regretful as he takes the steering wheel into both hands and turns the car onto the next road. 

You’re his sweetheart, he means that firmly, and he’d do much more than pay for your dental surgery. You’ve been very honest with him about how grateful you are. It’s uncomfortable —you shouldn’t have needed his assistance, how unfair it is that you couldn’t afford it alone— but it’s sweet, too, to see your thankfulness manifesting itself while you aren’t entirely yourself. 

“You calling me honey.” 

“You think it’s old-fashioned.” 

“You’re super old-fashioned.”

“That’s not very nice,” he teases. “I remember when we first met, you were so nice and polite. Now you’re abrasive.” 

“I am not!”

“You’re cruel to me. What should I do about it?” 

“Nothing.” 

Aaron reaches over again to grab your thigh. “Nothing? That’s typical.” He pulls your leg toward him, and he gives the soft inside a squeeze you aren’t expecting. You laugh like a kid being tickled.

“You’re just bullying me while I’m defenceless.” 

“Is that what you are?” he asks, rubbing the length of leg he’d squeezed apologetically. “You can be mean to me for now, then, but when you’re feeling better we’re going to have to have a talk about where my nice girl went.” 

You make a sound that’s half excitement and half panic. “Do you mind?” 

He’s being a little much, sure, but you’d been swaying toward overwhelmed a few minutes ago. He figures some tough love will keep and hold your attention before you can remember the pain. “I don’t mind.” He pats your leg with his fingers, frowning when you shiver. “Are you cold?” he asks worriedly. 

“I’m freezing.” 

Luckily for you, you’re home. Aaron parks the car and gets out swiftly to retrieve you, fonder now that he can see up close. You aren’t as out of it as you’d been to begin with, recognition and light in your eyes as you unbuckle your seatbelt and he offers his hand. “Thanks,” you say, ducking out of the car with a little wobble, “I’m still dizzy, can you–”

“I’ve got you,” he says, hand braced more roughly than he means to at your elbow. 

It’s more of the same inside. You’re unsteady on your feet, he has to grab you to keep you standing, but he gets you into the kitchen at your request. His first port of call is a blanket for you. 

As he wraps it around your shoulders, he’s sure the anaesthesia is entirely worn off. You meet his gaze with an undeniable love. It’s in every line of your face. 

“Thank you,” you say. 

“You know I’m just kidding when I say you aren’t nice.” 

You nod. 

“Because you are,” he says. Looking after you isn’t generosity, it’s self-preservation. He’s found you, sweet and loving as you are, his match in teasing and seriousness alike. He has no intention of treating you with anything other than the utmost care. “Are you warm enough now? It’s a common side effect of sedation, the coldness. Your dizziness, too. It’ll feel better soon.” 

“Can I take this gauze out? I feel silly.” 

“If your gums aren’t bleeding anymore.” 

You haven’t had to spit, so you’ll be alright. Aaron washes his hands, has the honour of removing your gauze and witnessing your odd stitch, which he throws away to wash his hands again. Then he wets a cloth for you to wipe your face. It’s perhaps the uglier side of loving someone and looking after them, but he genuinely couldn’t care less. You’re just as lovely to him as you were yesterday, minus a few troublesome teeth. 

“Your cheek is swelling,” he says, stroking the line of your jaw carefully. 

“Well, you can’t stop liking me now. Then this surgery would be a total waste.” 

He laughs. “What do you mean?” he asks, tipping your chin up. 

“You pay for me to have no toothache and then we break up? It doesn’t make any sense.” 

“It makes zero sense. You’ve invented a scenario where I’d leave you,” he smiles like an idiot, “and that timeline doesn’t exist.” 

You close your eyes. He kisses your nose, weary of your soreness. 

“Timeline,” you mumble. 

“Oh, you have something to say? Let’s hear it.” 

You laugh and push him away. “I don’t have anything to say to you.” 

Unfortunately for you, Aaron has no intentions of being pushed away from you. He leans over to give you a hug and a kiss pressed to your temple, his hand feeling a path against the ridge of your shoulder. “Please tell me if I hurt you, I know your face is sensitive,” he says. 

You settle in his arms. “No, this is nice.” 

He presses another kiss atop the first one. 

[brucewaynehater101]

Tim with hannaki disease

spending his childhood choking on flowers

Barely able to breathe rejection after rejection

Jason is attacking him at the tower and he can’t stop coughing out flowers

when dick gives Damian Robin, Tim leaves the cave spitting out petals

imagine if he died of suffocation during the Bruce quest

Fuck. I love hanahaki disease.

Tw: death, blood, asphyxiation, fictional disease, dead body description, gore

For those of y'all unaware, it's a completely fictional disease where having unrequited love results in the person growing flowers in their chest. It's usually romantic, but I prefer the platonic versons (especially child-parent angst, holy fuck).

I've seen two types of hanahaki:

The love is actually unrequited

The person only perceives the love as being unrequited

Either way, the progression is as follows:

Person coughs up one petal

They start coughing up more and usually blood

They cough up an entire blossom

They die trying to cough up the entire flower (blossom and stem)

There are four outcomes to hanahaki disease, depending on what rules you are working with:

Love becomes requited

Person dies

They have a surgery to remove their ability to have feelings

They lose (voluntarily or not) their memories about their unrequited love

Some people play with flower meanings of the petals being coughed up. I fucking love those versions so much.

Let's get into the AU! The timeline is mine to fuck around with, so excuse any non-canon progressions.

~~~~

Tim has chronic hanahaki disease from his parents. They visit often enough to quell the worst symptoms and mitigate the damage, but they don't stick around enough (or show enough constant attention) for the petals to go away.

Janet once asked Tim if he'd like to get the surgery. Tim said no. Janet respected that choice and never asked again even though Tim was like nine at the time. It also becomes a fear of his. He wakes up in cold sweat at the phantom idea of just not being able to love anyone. It terrifies him, even if the feeling of asphyxiation is the only other option.

When Janet dies and Tim becomes Robin, he does his best to hide his condition from Bruce. It worsens, from the way Tim adores and loves the Bats, but Tim manages.

It's a rough few years, but slowly, the ice begins to melt. The Waynes show Tim more and more affection. YJ also shower him in so much care to the point that Tim has days of uninterrupted breathing.

It's a novel but welcome feeling.

Jack waking up from the coma complicates shit. His condition worsens again, but it's manageable.

Until Tim's sixteenth birthday.

The teen will never admit, but that test nearly fucking killed him. Bruce never finds out how close he was to killing his Robin, but Tim knows. He'll never forget how thorns scraped along his throat at the idea that he can't trust anyone. He'll never rid himself of the intimate knowledge of how blossoms taste in his mouth and the sickly sweet smell of blood mixed with flower petals.

Tim has to quit Robin, for his safety, health, and as a "fuck you" to Bruce, but realizes he can't keep in contact with Dick, Alfred, or Barbara without it. He can't contact his team.

He has to go back, so he does.

Tim's not sure if it's better or worse that Bruce didn't know about the hanahaki. If the man did, would he still have done the test? Due to him never showing remorse or guilt for his actions, the teen doesn't know.

The question pesters him even when his dad finds out about Robin.

It plagues him through Steph becoming Robin and dying.

It festers into his bones when, while wearing those same damn colors, he hears his father die.

That is one or many reasons "Uncle Eddie" was created.

Tim can't quite trust Bruce, but he finds himself still loving the father-like figure in his life. He finds himself forgiving him. He leans into the hair ruffles, shoulder pats, and gruff words of affection. He lets himself be loved.

Then, an undead asshole in a gleaming red bucket comes to kick Tim's ass. The teen can't help but laugh at the way his life bounces between breathing and dying at the drop of a hat.

He's just barely able to hide the flowers from both Red Hood and the Titans.

A little assassin appears, and each attack brings a petal.

Each new death hampers Tim's ability to breathe. Tim tries, but it's so fucking hard. How is he supposed to live without them?

With the ticklish scrape of petals, Tim doesn't think he's supposed to.

Bruce isn't dead. Tim knows, with every fiber of his being, that Bruce can't be dead. Tim won't survive if he is.

Even if Tim loses everything, even if these damn fucking flowers consume him, at least his death will have a purpose.

That's what he tells himself as he lies in a pool of blood beneath the stars. The sand at his back is soft in comparison to the stem piercing his throat and tongue. The sound of his choking is joined by the bubbling wheezing of Pru.

Ra's peers down at the body already set with rigor mortis. Tim's jaw is pried apart by a bouquet of yellow carnations dripping in blood.

The demon head hums at the sight, a dangerous gleam to his eyes. With the flick of a hand, two assassins grab the young detective's corpse. The other three bodies are taken as well.

Tim's eyes fling open as the teen gasps for air.

It's wrong. It's wrong. It's all wrong. He's empty.

He's surrounded in green.

Oh fuck.

For awhile, Tim just soaks in the soft expansion of his lungs. He marvels at their capability.

He can't remember a time when he's been able to breathe so easily. It's enchanting and allots the teen a giddy sort of relief.

Through the destruction of both the Spiders and the LoA, he finds himself taking small moments to just breathe. It's a simple joy he can't help but partake in.

Tim logically knows there's a price. His breaths cost him, though he doesn't know their price. He should be dead and buried within the flowers.

He is neither.

He is alive. He is free (from the petals. It takes him a little bit to become free of Ra's).

Tim brushes aside these valid and alarming concerns to focus on his goals: escape, take down Ra's, and derail whatever retaliation occurs.

So that's what Tim does. He ignores the insistent sense of wrongness and focuses on the task at hand. He coordinates his friends and family. He faces down Ra's. He gets kicked out of a window.

With a grim smile, his body goes lax and his eyes flutter shut

He's done.

When Tim springs up from unconsciousness, Steph's voice reassures him he's safe. She tells him he's in the batcave.

The tension to bleeds from his body as Damian mutters a demand. Tim's eyes dart from Robin to Batgirl to Batman (Dick) to Alfred.

That sinking feeling of wrongness returns.

Dick's eyes are trained on the teen as he asks Tim, "How did you know I'll be there to save you?"

It's obvious the man is worried. It's obvious he's so fucking glad he caught his younger brother.

The lie falls from Tim's lips as smooth as any truth, "You're my brother, Dick. You'll always be there for me."

Dick's face brightens with fond relief.

Tim watches. He observes the reactions of his older brother. He catalogs the effect of his words on the man he's admired and loved for thirteen years.

He notes all of this.

And he feels nothing.

[chubsonthemoon]

It is done! This is The Death of Translation, originally written in English by @landwriter, translated into Mandarin by @thirrith. Binding is dos-à-dos, with English version on one side and Mandarin on the other. Bookcloth was handwoven by me, on my rigid heddle loom :3

More under the cut!

Typeset: Fanbinders are Liars

Full stop, this typeset would not have been possible without Eth and all their patience, enthusiasm, and willingness to do even more translating! I reached out to them *checks watch* nearly a year ago in July 2023 (lololol), asking if I could use their translation of TDOT in a surprise bind I wanted to send along with Gloam's author copy of Flower King. They were kind enough to say yes, and even kinder to answer my questions when I reached out six months later in January, when I was finally able to start work on the typeset.

We talked about the many delicious things that are bound to come up when discussing translating not just from English to Mandarin, but also from digital space to meatspace. Some topics I had anticipated, like font questions, translating the colophon, etc. But even with the topics I thought I'd prepared for, there were still things that came up that both surprised and delighted: for example, while AO3's website allows for italics in Mandarin--

--my publishing program doesn't (or at least, it doesn't without needing to manually tilt every character by about 10 degrees). So as a workaround, Eth suggested changing these cases of italics to the font 华文楷体:

Through no one's fault but my own, this ended up being only slightly less work than manually tilting every instance of italics--I wanted to be sure that I got all of them, so I ended up doing a lot of double-checking manually anyway, instead of relying solely on the Search function. There was a lot of cross-referencing with the Word document that Eth was kind enough to provide, as well as squinting and general swearing. I also did the same for the uses of Latin script, manually styling each instance as Garamond to keep it consistent with the English edition:

The only other time I've had to do font surgery this intensive is probably for my typeset for Tell Me About the Big Bang, which I had to port over from a PDF. Folks, hell on earth. Do not recommend XD I remember squinting at my monitor as I had to visually confirm every instance of italics, thinking I will never do this again. Welp, four years later, here were are: fanbinders are liars, LMAO. At the very least, using Eth's Word document at least allowed me to search by styles, so it was a little easier on my eyes. 🙏

Is there a script that I might've been able to use if I was more code-savvy? Probably. But I figured going at it sledgehammer style would be the least hair-pulling way to get the job done, weirdly enough. Still, despite my best efforts, there are a few instances of PMingLiU to Garamond and PMingLiU to 华文楷体 that I know I missed, and I know I missed them because I caught them after I'd printed/cut/folded/sewn/glued (cue more swearing), so Gloam and Eth, my apologies >.< please consider them artifacts of a uniquely handmade object ajslkdjfs

In addition to the fonts, there were also some other fun things Eth and I discussed, like how to translate the notes I usually provide on the colophons! In addition to information on fonts, I also usually include some variation of:

This private, limited edition published by chubsthehamster (Moonham Press, imprint of Renegade Publishing) in 2024. This is chubsthehamster's personal copy. Out of three existing copies, this is the first.

The thing that came up with this, which still tickles my brain to this day, was how Eth chose how to translate "Moonham Press, imprint of Renegade Publishing." To get a better sense of what word to use for "imprint," they asked what the relationship was between Moonham Press and Renegade Publishing, which got me thinking about the relationship between my lil imprint and the wonderful @renegadeguild:

What's all very funny about all of this is that we are now, in fact, going by the name "Renegade Bookbinding Guild," per our most recently updated Code of Conduct. While this renders the wording I asked for out of date (and thus, the wording that made it into the book out of date :'D), I think it's also a testament to how cool the work @renegadeguild is doing--like any artform, fanbinding is alive, with its own evolving language, communities, and ideas about the craft. And I love it, I love it so much. (Was this also a plug for our new-ish website? Perhaps).

There's more I could say here, but this post is already going to be long enough, so I'll move on for now! If you get anything from this section, it's that @thirrith is amazing and very patient and kind, and I'm so grateful that we got to talk shop together. Thank you so much for all your invaluable help with this, Eth! I hope the typeset, though undoubtedly flawed, does your hard work justice!

Binding: Or, SO Much Math. Like, So Much, Guys. (It was worth it, though!)

Whoo, boy! So math was never my strong suit in school, but when I set out to do this bind last year, that wasn't an issue. At first. The dos-à-dos binding, if anything, just requires a little bit of finagling on the usual case-bound format--a bit more math if you want to do an all-cloth cover, like I planned on doing, but nothing I couldn't work out with some trial and error. (My prototype below!)

Then came February, when I took a weaving class with my friend, and then everything kinda exploded.

My original idea was to use some green Duo bookcloth I had on hand (this color, actually)--for those of you not initiated into the Duo cult, Duo is a Rayon bookcloth with a very devoted fan following in Renegade. It's very pretty; the Rayon weave is one color, and the paper backing is usually complementary color, so it has this cool two-toned effect. Duo is in high demand in Renegade circles because sadly, the company that manufactures it went out of business last year. (Although I've heard rumors recently that there's another company making something similar, but the cloth has a really high purchase requirement and is, like, for businesses only I think).

Anyway, I also wanted to have a gold line around the whole book as a kind of bellyband/obi to further connect the two versions of the story (another reason why I chose the dos-à-dos format to begin with heh), as you can see from my scribbled notes here--

But alas! I knew going in that adhering things to Duo is often Problematic, thanks to one very painful experience trying to get some iron-on foil on another bind (the textured surface of Duo just makes it kinda hard to stick or paint stuff on it). So if I wanted a clean, continuous line, the remaining options were to either paint it on a strip of paper that I'd somehow...adhere to the cloth? Or maybe cut different slices of bookcloth and glue them on. I wasn't satisfied with either of those options, though.

Then--the weaving class. I made a scarf, and I love it and I loved making it. But the whole time, I'll not lie, my thoughts were elsewhere.

In short, my decision to weave my own bookcloth kinda came from a few different factors:

The desire to attempt to recreate Duo, that elusive beauty, the one that got away, etc. (I have several yards in my stash, but still). Others have also attempted to recreate it, and I thought I'd throw my hat in the ring.

My current spiral into the deep hole that is fiber arts (it started with crochet, then knitting, then sewing, then weaving, then spinning, and now I'm eyeing quilting! Please help me).

The gold line. It kept bugging me. And when I found weaving, I just thought there was something very neat about the process of actually making the cloth for a dos-à-dos binding from scratch, and especially for this binding. I wanted to bind a story about translation (or rather, the death of it, and yet still the necessity of it--how we must try to communicate, despite of, or perhaps precisely because of, everything that gets lost in the spaces between people, and the tragedy of that loss, and the beauty of what makes it through, and the love always present in the effort regardless), and also, the translation of that story. Weaving is a very meditative process, and with every pass of the shuttle, back and forth, building slowly but surely the fabric that would hold the story that Gloam had written and that Eth had translated, I thought a lot about translation, and the gaps between people, and how we choose our words not just when translating, but when we speak at all. From a design perspective, I used the same colors I would've used had I chosen the Duo bookcloth--green and gold--so the design wasn't too altered in terms of color scheme. But I think the choice to weave the bookcloth--the thing that bound it all together--made the project take on a completely new meaning for me, both in process and in scope, one that hadn't been there when I started. I saw the warp, perhaps, as the original story, laying the groundwork for the weft, the translation; or maybe it was the other way around, with the translation providing the scaffolding for its own, new meaning, choices that Eth had to make with this word or phrase or another building something new, something translated, and the original a live, moving thing that wove over and under each word turned phrase turned story; or maybe it was both. Maybe it didn't matter which was which, in the end. And as I wove, the thing that connected them, that gold line that had started all of this, slowly formed.

All that to say: Good God, was there a lot of math. So much math. That prototype pictured above was actually made specifically so I could calculate exactly how much I needed to weave, lol, because while I certainly had enough thread, I didn't want to have to warp more than once. I'd learned the basics in my class, but the training wheels came off here. I wanted to make my own custom fabric, which meant calculating things like ends per inch, picks per inch, loom waste, shrinkage after washing, the width of that damn gold line, how much I'd need for the hinge, the turn-ins, the boards--the whole nine yards (I didn't actually weave nine yards tho heh). It was all absolutely worth it in the end--so challenging and so, so rewarding!

(And my final reason for weaving the bookcloth? Not gonna lie, It was because I just wanted to see if I could do it LOL. I love trying at least one new thing with each of my binds, and this was it for this project. While I've been bookbinding for a few years now, I'm still very much a beginner weaver, and I'm so excited to continue to learn and experiment! Also, here's a video of me unwinding the cloth from the loom, heh. I used 10/2 Perle cotton in gold and green colors :3)

Also, turns out, you can back handmade cloth the same way you can any other cloth! I backed it using my usual heat-n-bond method, and with some Unryu Tissue in the color Forest. Since the cloth itself is a bit transparent, there are a bunch of really fun fibers you can see when it's held up to the light, but which aren't visible when the cloth is glued down to the boards. Still, knowing they're there still makes me happy :D

Finally, capping all this off, is one final, small detail I really liked: ginkgo leaf endpapers :3 this one's for me and Eth and Gloam specifically <3

Aaaand that's all from me for today, folks! Thus ends (several months late XD) my last Binderary project for the year. This was probably my most ambitious bind to date, and gosh it was so, so much fun.

And, of course, thank you so much to Gloam for sharing your story, and Eth for translating it. I can't wait for y'all to receive your copies soon!

All my love! <3

[opennwindows]

May I request a smoll eyeless jack x f reader nsfw story? Or headcanons?

eyeless jack x fem reader NSFW hcs

cw: 18+ content, medical kink, breeding kink, biting, blood, kinda disrespecting boundaries?? kinda not??, afab fem aligned reader

a/n: hey let’s all ignore my wildly different formatting for each post until i figure out wtf i’m doing lmfao. i decided to do hcs for this since i enjoy rambling and i have a couple fics already lined up and those take significantly longer for me to write!! i hope that’s okay anon, i just want to get more stuff posted :) also i threw a bunch of random ideas together for this so if you’d like anything else more specific please req again!

sooo we all know eyeless jack is a demon, right? to say dude is into some freaky shit would be an understatement.

- jack has a higher sex drive than most due to his demon tendencies. pair that with the rush he gets after a good evening of organ harvesting and you’re in for a Very Long Night. his stamina is also no joke.

- wear a short skirt? it’s getting cut off with his scalpel. accidentally slice your finger while chopping vegetables? well you better turn off the stove because he’s bending you over it. he senses you’re ovulating? he’s fucking you twice as much.

- if you’re into medical play and getting cut up with surgery tools he will be over the moon.

- if not, you’re gonna have to have a sit down talk with jack. he will do his best, but he can end up viewing you as just a lowly human at times. you’re gonna have to put your foot down sternly to fully gain his respect. he cares about your boundaries (somewhat), it just takes a minute to get through to his human side.

- on that note, don’t even dream of dominating him. he’ll laugh in your face and restrain you if the idea even crosses your mind. the thought of a weaker being telling him what to do during sex is comical to jack. he might let you ride him if he’s feeling lazy, but his clawed hands will be gripped around your waist as a silent reminder of who’s in charge.

- he’s into degradation. not the typical “you’re a whore” shit. no, this guy will take every chance to remind you that you’re just a fragile little human that’s only breathing because he lets you. if you feed into his ego, jack will reward you with his face between your thighs for hours.

- ooh let me take a moment to talk about this monster’s tongue. godly is an ironic term to describe anything involving jack but it’s the only fitting word. it’s long, slightly textured, quick and strong. he looooves to edge you until you inevitably break and the only words you can form are broken pleas. you’re gonna have to pry him off of you during your periods. he’s a little nasty

- jack will pretty much refuse to cum anywhere that isn’t inside you or your mouth. during sex, he tends to fully give into his animalistic demon qualities. meaning the only thing running through his mind is ‘breed, breed, breed.’

- big corruption kink. like MASSIVE. i think all the pastas have some form of corruption kink, but obviously the whole demon thing brings it to a new level. if you were a virgin when you met him, he’s gonna have to physically restrain himself from pouncing on you the second its brought up in conversation.

- let’s talk about positions. jack’s not really picky as long as he’s fucking your brains out but he does have a few favorites. mating press is almost always a winner since it feeds into his need to breed (i crack myself up). missionary is a classic that ensures he can have complete control. jack is also a fan of fucking on operating tables???? don’t ask me ask him, he’s odd. his least favorites involve 69, cowgirl, or pretty much anything that involves you on top of him. he doesn’t really get tired so doing all the work doesn’t bother him.

- will 100% spit in your mouth and he doesn’t care if you think it’s gross. get used to it sorry. if you’re into it then you’ve won.

- probably will throw a tantrum if he finds out you masturbated without him. he’s given you so much special attention and you still want more? well. he’s gonna fuck you so hard that you’ll be too sore to even think about touching yourself. i’m praying for you girl good luck.

- LOVES TO BITE ON YOUR CHEST AND NECK. i cannot stress this enough. and he WILL draw blood, i mean his mouth is full of sharp teeth so it’s basically a given. bro will be fucking you and straight up take a drink break FROM YOUR THROAT. be prepared to never show your neck or cleavage in public ever again. unless you’re into that. then you go girl, we’re all cheering for you.

- jack thinks it’s hilarious to say terrifying unsexy shit during sex. “i can’t wait to cut you open and eat those delicious kidneys that belong to me….” you just look at him with your mouth open. you’d be better off ignoring his annoying ass he (probably) doesn’t mean it.

[a-sound-sol]

I recently had a tooth removed and my dentist advised me on many things but what I found funny was her saying "no kissing for a month" I found myself wondering how a couple would deal with this.

A scenario with LoV X Reader reacting and dealing with the news of no kiss for a month XD + them taking care of the reader

I love your work <3

oh i looove this one!! and thank you <3

NO KISSES FOR A MONTH!

ft. LoV

Shigaraki

He doesn't believe you at first, he thinks you're punishing him for something. Until he tries to kiss you and you wince in pain, then he's like o h, you're serious.

Then he subtly takes care of you. He comes home one day with ice packs and heating pads to help with the swelling. He makes the rest of the League deal with freezing and heating them up, but he always delivers them directly to you. He won't let you lift a finger unless you have to. He puts Kurogiri in charge of assisting you whenever you need it while he's gone, which barely happens bc he never wants to leave your side when you need him. He falls asleep on a couch next to your bed during the day, and always ends up spooning you at night <3

Dabi

He's PISSED about no kisses. He pouts about it literally all day. But when you start to complain about how in pain you are, he drops everything to help you. He'll hand feed you your meds and he'll tell Shigaraki he's off duty until you're better. He refuses to leave your side, such a needy guy. He makes you soup because that's easier to eat, and he'll blow on it to cool it down before feeding it to you - and yes, he indeed does feed it to you on a spoon. He'll keep you warm and safe, no matter what.

He's not great with the no kisses rule, so he kisses your forehead and nose and temples frequently. He just can't help himself. <3

Twice

He understands no kisses but he also DESPISES it!! He personally wants to talk to the dentist and tell them off!! But he also wants to shake their hand and thank them for taking care of you. In regards to that, he's somehow both the most gentle and the most distant. But he explains to you it's only because he can't stop himself from wanting to kiss you whenever he sees you! Still makes sure you know how loved you are, waits on you at every hour. He worries about you so much !! <33

Toga

Oh no kisses? No problem for our vampy girl! She gives you love in so many other ways. She cuddles and holds you, basically carrying you throughout the house starting when you came home from surgery. She's adamant that she can take care of you - almost to a fault. She starts to forget to take care of herself a little bit. You make sure to cover her in blankets when she passes out from exhaustion, and you end up taking care of her more than anything. <3

Spinner

He's a sweet guy, so of course he's not going to tell you how upset he is about not getting to kiss you. He looks disappointed at first, but then he realizes that means he has to show his affection through other ways. He taste tests all your food first so that they're soft and smooth enough for you to eat. He spends the days in bed with you playing video games while you rest, and he always ALWAYS makes sure that the room temperature is perfect for you. <3

Compress

Oh he's absolutely the most dramatic about it. While he understands you must heal, how can he NOT smooch those lips??? He spends the entire time trying to figure out a way to kiss your lips without it hurting you. Him and his silly magic - he actually attempts to hypnotize you just so that he could get away with it still - but he remembered how worth the wait it would be to be able to kiss you without you being in pain. He spends the rest of the time entertaining you with his whimsical stories <3

Kurogiri

Kissing isn't really a big part of your relationship, so he doesn't care entirely about that. What he DOES care about is how much pain you're in, and he wonders if he can transport the pain away from you. He hates seeing you sad, and does his best to take care of you. He brings you to the prettiest mountaintop to pass the time while you heal. He sets up a picnic for you both and you sit in silence together, happily. You're kinda glad you had surgery! <3

Magne

She's a bit mad about it, but she gets over it quickly when she realizes that the sooner you heal, the more kisses she'll get! She also waits on you hand and foot, she's sure to make sure to try and anticipate your needs before you even know what they are. If there's one thing she's gonna do, it's protect you from the stupid shit you usually do that causes you to get hurt (tripping is the number one thing). She will rush in to catch you everytime, and call you a ditz while kissing your cheek and carrying you to wherever you were headed! <3

[bitchfitch]

My mother's bf had a fairly major surgery (he's fine and recovering well DW) and he's going to be housebound for his birthday this year, so I've been enlisted to come up with a fancy birthday meal for the special birthday boy that's primarily fruit and veg, sweeter than savory, and is something he's never had before.

Bc I'm making watermelington. It's beef Wellington, but watermelon. bc my mom only found out recently you can use watermelon as a tuna substitute. And I know that you can substitute most higher quality beef cuts with tuna or salmon.... usually. Anyways the idea fascinates her so I'm hoping to use that for bonus points.

Now he's off his ass on pain killers so I can't like. Ask him if he's ever had something before. so to meet my brief I've decided to just. commit a novel hate crime against the British I guess.

Anyways. I'm writing this because I need to walk myself through this process and think it'll be surreal enough to be worth taking y'all along for.

So, Beef Wellington. In its most basic bitch arrangement is a beef tenderloin wrapped in prosciutto/really thin bacon, with a layer of mushroom and onion mush, that has been further wrapped in mustard slathered puff pastry.

We will be ship of Theseusing this. bc beef Wellington is like. the opposite of what he wants. Which is why it's funny.

Puff pastry-> it's still just puff pastry

this one doesn't have to change (aka I can't be fucked to do pastry prep and I'm just gonna use store bought it's Fine.)

the prosciutto is also just going to be prosciutto.

Thin meat

Beef tenderloin-> watermelon,

Tbh this is a pretty 1 to 1 substitution. I'll bake the slices at like. 250-300 for an hour or so ahead of the rest of prep to dry it out a bit. bc you can't like. Sear watermelon to seal in the water like you can beef. By definition it's a very wet fruit (like me when I fall into the lake). Ill Add salt and chili and lime juice while baking maybe. this is the easy part

The mushroom mush-> salsa done bad style

As the word mush implies, this is meant to be a very soft mix. It adds a lot of nuttiness to the wellington that rounds out all of the salt from the meats. I'm replacing it with white person salsa(the birthday boy can't handle spice). Tomato, lime juice, parsley, avocado, cucumber, feta, and maybe mango so I can have an excuse to have a lil mango treat. I said I wasn't making it spicy. I'm still putting a bit of chili in it. bc it'll be better like that. This is also a ridiculously wet bit of mush, Even the original mushrooms have too much water. I'll figure something out.

Mustard -> jelly

He lives in a big city. those preserve sections are massive. I'll find a weird one. maybe apricot.

Prep:

We're in the mind palace kitchen, I have not attempted any of this. We're just thinking real hard about it and I'll edit as needed on the day and post results.

The watermelon

Preheat oven to eh. 300f? We want low and slow to dry things out without it taking a year. but idk what his oven is like. If it's gentle I'll bump it up another ten-twenty.

Slather some watermelon slices in salt chili powder and lime juice mixture.

bake for 30 min on a wire rack or directly on the oven racks (after cleaning thoroughly) if he doesn't have a wire rack. with a drip try underneath to catch the drippage. check frequently. Have one slice that's for being poked to see if it's approaching being meat. Bake longer if needed.

Salsa bad style

chop everything up and add it to a pan with some oil in it. Tbh I don't think the type of oil you use for cooking matters if you're not like, getting near any smoke points. Most people can't tell the difference unless you made your food bland as hell.

Anyways there's some wildly different moisture contents on the list so there has to be an Order to cook off as much water as possible without getting yucky.

Tomatoes and cucumbers go in together with some salt to get the cucs softening, then the mango chunks and lime juice. Once most of the water is gone the avocado feta and parsley can go in. There is a good amount of water in avocados but they're delicate and don't pan fry well, so we're just going to ignore their water crimes and hope for the best. They just need to be evenly mixed through the rest of the mush.

Putting it together

lay out the puff pastry, cut into sections to wrap each watermelon slice individually with.

Slather in jam

Take the prosciutto and lay it out on half of each section of the pastry,

spoon the salsa onto that

Melon

Another layer of salsa

another layer of thin meat

Fold the pastry over the top and pinch the edges bc watermelon slices are not a rollable shape and I don't want to carve a watermelon into a tube for this because that sounds irritating.

Brush with egg wash and more parsley

Cook in oven following the pastry's preferred temp and time. it's fucking watermelon, you're not getting ecoli from it.

watermelington :)

I'm serving it with baked sweet potatoes and spinach based salad with whatever toppings are left over from making the salsa.

anyways thank you for joing me on this thought experiment. I will post updates once the deed is done. I'm sorry to every British person ever.

[thebibliosphere]

Hey! I know that this isn't something you struggle with but since a lot of your other followers are disabled as well, it would mean a lot to me if you could publish this ask since I'd like to see if anyone else experiences anything similar to what I'm going through. I'm not asking for anyone to armchair diagnose me, I'd just appreciate not feeling so alone and scared and confused. My general physician is claiming that my anxiety is causing the issues I'll describe but I call bullshit on that:

About two years ago, cca 4 months after my top surgery, my body stopped being able to process oil. Whenever I'd eat anything that was made with oil of any kind, I'd get cramps in the abdomen after a while and I'd get diarrhea. Caffeine started to do this also but in a smaller intensity. I had a hysterectomy a bit after that and they checked my kidneys and liver so I know that those are both ok and not the cause. I also got checked for Celiac since it runs in the family. Because the issue wasn't getting worse and my then general physician was always dismissive, I let it be. When I wasn't having diarrhea, I was constipated, though I did have a bowel movement like once or twice a week. Fast forward to now. In August, it suddenly got a lot worse. At first, even a single drop of oil would make me feel ill. Then, the time period got longer - currently the cramps and the pain last for 48 hours afterwards. I also became unable to digest animal fats, the only meat I can eat is lean chicken and fish. Afterwards, gluten became an issue (Celiac is still negative), and then nuts as well.

My new GP, even though she believes it to be anxiety, gave me Itopride, and it worked for about 3 weeks - I had no cramps, pain, exhaustion, gas or bloating after eating, and I had a bowel movement once a day. But it stopped working two days ago, again without a reason, and the effects started being less effective about a week ago. Even when taking the meds, I have a movement only once in about 8 days, and laxatives make me gassy but nothing happens. I'm also not sure about this, but it seems that chicken is no longer safe either.

I think it's important that if I don't take Itopride, I never even feel the urge to go, so when I say that I've always been constipated, I mean that I don't even feel the need to have a movement. Lately, when I take Itopride, I do get the urge that I do always get when taking it, but it's like I can't go, so I always feel full.

I just feel super scared and I have no idea what's going on. I admit that I have a history of eating disorders (in recovery since May) and I did abuse laxatives about a year ago, but I don't think it was enough to cause such serious issues? I used to take them like once a week and for about 3-4 months.

I'd really appreciate knowing if anyone has ever experienced anything similar or knows about anything like this because I feel like my life is in shambles - can't go outside for long because I might need the toilet suddenly, or I'm in too much pain to walk, I'm afraid to eat, I often feel repulsive, I don't know what might happen in a month, I am becoming incapable of taking care of myself and my flat because I'm just so goddamn tired.

Ooft, I’m sorry. It sounds like you’ll need a colonoscopy to figure this one out, so if you haven’t had one yet, really push for a referral.

Fwiw, I do experience something like this, but it’s from mast cell inflammation in my GI tract. The doc prescribed me bentyl for when things flare up but I’m also on a fiber supplement (citrucel. It’s a lot gentler than other types) to try and keep that from happening. Also if you’re low on b vitamins, your stomach sometimes stops digesting food, so maybe also ask about getting your levels checked. Taking an additional b2 supplement means I can process fats and oils again which I couldn’t before.

I’m not saying this to be like “this is what you have” just throwing them out there as suggestions that might help you piece together what might be wrong.

I hope you get more helpful comments in the notes 💖

[lilbitdepressed27]

Tara Carpenter/Fem!Reader

Summary: Deaf!Reader. Takes place during Scream 5

Warnings: violence

WC: 3.9k

Author’s Note: hope y’all enjoy :D sorry for any mistakes.

Tara watched with a lazy smile as you tried to teach Sam sign language. While Sam had been gone in the past five years. She had met you. You had been a new student freshman year, she had been quick to become your friend. It had been so easy to befriend you. It was even easier to fall in love with you. Even with her relationship with Amber, she did feel guilty for falling out of love with Amber. But the more her feelings grew for you, the more she realized maybe she wasn't in love with Amber. And even though she had broken up with Amber a while ago now, in the hopes of gathering the courage to ask you on a date. She still couldn't find the courage.

She had been told by Wes that you had been by her side the moment she was out of surgery. Refusing to go to school and to stay by her side. It warmed her heart, the way you cared about her. The way you had cried when she finally did wake up. She had been so scared, scared that she'd die without ever telling you how she felt. Die without ever seeing your beautiful face.

Now as she laid on the hospital bed resting, she watched as you smiled at Sam. A silent laugh escaping your lips at how wrong Sam mostly signed her own name. If this was her second chance at life, she wasn't going to waste it.

*

You had been scared. Afraid of what Tara had gone through, how she almost died. It was why you refused to leave her alone. You had stepped out when Sam typed on her phone if she could speak to Tara alone. You had nodded respecting her want of privacy. With kiss on the top of Tara's head, who smiled up at you. You signed that you'd be right outside.

You were skeptical of Sam's boyfriend. You weren't sure why. He just gave you a weird vibe. So you avoided being around him. When he had asked (by text) you to go with him to grab snacks you politely declined.

It wasn't long till you saw the door open. Sam coming out of the room. Tears blurring her vision. You stood up straight going to where she leaned on the wall. Quickly taking your phone out and typing in your notes.

Is everything okay?

You watched as she wiped her tears before taking your phone from your hands in a gentle manner. Her fingers hesitating over the letters before typing. Handing your phone back to you.

Please just stay with her, don't leave her alone. I have to go figure some things out. I'll be back soon. Okay?

You nodded. Softly squeezing her shoulder in a way you hoped came off as reassuring. With a nod she walked away. As soon as she walked away you went into the room. The sight of a sobbing Tara breaking your heart. You were quick to go to her side when she raised her arms a clear sign of wanting comfort.

Tara had regretted the moment she yelled at Sam. But the emotions had been strong. The fear she felt had doubled tenfold. Now she knew the person that attacked her wasn't random. Someone had targeted her to get to Sam. The daughter of that, murderer. Sam was nothing like that man. Even though she had no idea what or how Sam had spent the last five years. But she knew in her heart Sam wasn't like Billy.

Having your arms wrapped around her. Your hands careful not to hurt any wound of hers, your fingers gently creasing her in way that had the butterflies in her stomach to flutter. Her head resting on your chest. Hearing your steady heartbeat was enough to calm her down.

From the moment she woke up she had noticed your hearing aids were not in your ears. Making you completely deaf. Your hearing aids helped you a lot more than anything. With your hearing aids you were able to hear some things. Like how you always smiled when you faintly heard her voice. The way you smiled when ever she spoke, the way it made her feel was unexplainable. You had once said that her voice was like the softest melody to your ears. It was something that had her ears red from how hard she had blushed.

But with the hearing aids gone. You couldn't hear. Wes's mom had told her that you were the first one in the hospital. It had been 2:00 in morning when you arrived at the hospital still in your pajamas. The pajamas that she had gotten you, the ones of your favorite superhero. Wes had brought you a change of clothing with some toiletries. But he had also forgotten your hearing aids.

Talk to me. Are you okay?

Tara read the text, taking the phone to use the dictation seeing as she couldn't use her other hand to type.

Sam's father is Billy Loomis. It's the reason why she left five years ago. It's why ghostface attacked me. To get her to come back to Woodsboro. I don't blame her for the attack. I could never blame her for that but. I kicked her out of the room and I feel horrible. I let my emotions get the best of me.

She laid her head back on your chest. Waiting for you to finish reading what she typed. She felt your hands move to type.

What you're feeling is valid. What you went through was traumatic, I can't imagine what you're feeling. Sam's hurt I won't lie on that part. She said she'll be back soon. Get some rest, I'll wake you when she gets here.

Tara let out a sigh, her eyes closing momentarily. After reading the text. Breathing in your scent, you had showered and changed in the bathroom connected to her room. You had always had a scent that calmed her. You in general were always one to calm her down. There was just something about your presence or maybe it was the fact that she was in love with you. Or maybe it was both.

"I wish you knew how much I love you." She spoke softly into your neck, a spot she knew was sensitive. She felt your shoulders go up a bit, small sound escaping your lips, one she knew very well. It was the closest thing to a giggle you would let out. She felt your arms gently moving her body closer to you.

Get some rest.

*

You weren't sure what woke you up. You hadn't realized when you fell asleep. You had tried to stay awake. Making sure to protect Tara cause that asshole was still out there. But you must have been a whole lot tired than you thought. You looked around the room. It was barely lit, the lights had been dimmed down and tv was shut off. Tara was still fast asleep in your arms.

So what woke you up?

*

After successfully getting out of Tara's grip you made your way to the door cautiously. Opening the door to what was supposed to be a some what busy hall. But it was empty and you were positive it was quiet as well. A hospitals hall way should never be this empty. There's always at least one nurse around. You looked back at Tara who was still sleeping.

You just had to make sure everything was okay. But you had a nagging feeling of, dread? Something was making you feel uncomfortable, like you should go back into the room. You looked down the hall, straining your ears to hear something, anything. But you heard nothing. Debating whether to go check on the nurses that were at the nurses station.

Your steps were quiet, well you hoped they were. You knew ghostface was still out there. The more you walked towards where the nurses should be. The more your palms became sweaty. You felt your body freeze in fear at the sight of the dead officer. The same officer that was supposed to be guarding Tara's room. His body laying in a pool of blood, along with the bodies of two other nurses. You stumbled backwards. You felt this sense of someone being behind you.

With only seconds to react as the blade was quickly swiped at your face. You had dodged the knife, barely. Ghostface was here to finish the job. But you wouldn't let it happen. It would have to kill you before this bitch could get to Tara.

*

A loud crash had startled her awake. Upon hearing what had sounded like glass shattering she was quick to look for you. The dread filling her stomach when she didn't see you and saw the door wide open. She heard a struggle happening down the hall. Along with the heart monitor going crazy. She struggled to get up. But the more she heard the struggling the more determined she was to get up. She had to find you.

Crying in pain when the stitches of more than one of her wounds pulled. As she got on the wheelchair. By the time she got on to the wheelchair, she was already sweating from the pain she was feeling. She heard groans and then what seemed to be someone. Crashing through a window.

Moving the quickest she could with just one hand, her bandaged hand only being able to do so much. To wheel herself to the door. Getting to the door when another loud yell of pain echoed through the halls. This time she was able to hear the scream a lot clearer. The scream rattled her bones. Gripped her heart in a tight fist. Those screams were yours.

She moved quicker. Ignoring her own pain to get to you. Moving the best she could. Going into the now quiet hall. But she could see obvios signs of a struggle.

"Y/n?"

Tears filled her eyes. She feared on how she'd find you. Moving further down the hall. Towards the mess, the broken glass. Stopping when she heard a groan. Not caring for her own safety. Desperate to get to you. But the further she went the more the dread filled her. Eyes widening in fear at the sight of the dead cop. The amount of blood on the floor.

She moved towards the broken glass.  Only to stop when she heard footsteps coming from a room

"Hello Tara, looking for someone."

*

You had fought the best you could. But the more you fought. The harder ghostface fought back. You had been successful in kicking the knife out of its hand, but they had used their fists. Punching and kicking you, whenever it could. You tried to fight back. But this ghostface seemed to know all your weaknesses. Even with that, you weren't one to quit. Especially since Tara was not even a few feet away from you.

But ghostface had gotten the upper hand. Being able to hold you down with its body. They had gotten the knife back, before they had your arms pinned to your side. As they looked down at you. Their weight holding you down. Toying its knife into your already bloodied wound. Before forcing it in, the pain being so over bearing. The scream that ripped through your throat. You may have not been able to hear it but it must have been loud. Ghostface waisted no time in covering your mouth.

The knife was left buried into your shoulder as it stayed on top. Slapping your cheek to make you look at them. Your vision blurred from the immense pain you were feeling. But you saw the hand movements.

You stole something that was mine. And now you're going to pay for it.

You were left confused. Your mind racing, trying to figure out what this nut job could possibly be talking about. As far as you could tell you had gotten along with everyone. Well as best as you could. You usually kept to yourself. Ever since you moved to Woodsboro. You had always been respectful to others. When you had befriended Tara, people had even tried to befriend you as well.

Ghostface reached for their knife, twisting it before taking it out. His hand covered your mouth as the scream of pain ripped through your throat.

"Y/n?"

You felt a new sense of fear as you heard Tara's voice. You didn't want her to see you die. You didn't want her to feel any type of guilt. You knew her well enough to know that she would find any reason to blame herself. You were then forcefully pulled up. Being led back into the hall way. Your eyes quick to find Tara.

"No, no please. Leave her out of this, she has nothing to do with this." She sobbed trying to find anything that could help you. She couldn't lose you. Not now. Not ever. Your face was covered in blood along your shirt. The way your eyes shined with worry. Worry for her, not yourself who was in the arms of a psycho. The knife was dangerously close to your neck.

"Oh Tara. That's where you're wrong. She's a thief, and now she'll pa-"

The knife had been pulled from your neck, enough time for you to elbow Ghostface in the stomach. Taking advantage of having the upper hand to continue beating on this crazy bitch. Being able to pick up one of the IV poles. Beating down on Ghostfaces back. When ghostface failed to move. You were quick to turn around facing Tara. You needed get Tara out of the hospital.

You watched the little relief Tara had, disappear. Replaced with fear, her face morphing into one horror as she screamed. You couldn't hear her scream, but you knew she was. You didn't have a chance to respond to the sudden change of facial expressions before you felt a sudden pain coming from the back of your skull. The pain causing you to lose consciousness for what felt like hours.

You regained consciousness in an elevator. The back of your head still ached, the ringing in your ears felt almost felt like you could actually hear. The warm sensation of hands cupping your cheeks, is what caused your eyes to finally open. Only taking a second to find the pair of eyes you wanted to find. Tara was hovering over you, her face scrunched up from the amount of pain she was surely feeling. Her eyes filled with tears, you could feel her body shaking. You were sure she was sobbing.

You had barely registered the other people in the elevator. Or the paramedics who were trying to help you. All you were worried about was Tara. The fear that coursed through your body was still very much present.

**

With a mild concussion, some buries, cuts and stitches to the stab wound you received had been deep enough to need stitches. But thankfully not too deep to hit any vital points. You had been told about the plan of getting the hell out of Woodsboro. And Tara didn't have to beg for you agree. You would follow Tara to ends of the world, if you could.

Being in the car with Tara, Sam and her boyfriend had felt sudden. Agreeing that the safest thing to do was to get out of Woodsboro, ignoring anything said by Gale Weathers and Sidney Prescott. You had seen the way the two older woman spoke to Sam. As you helped Tara into the car.

The feeling of Tara taking your hand to pull you into the car drew your eyes back to Tara. Being able to read her lips as she spoke slowly. "Come on."

Taking her hand in yours as you sat next to her. Reaching over to put on her seat belt. Your face heating up when she leaned a bit forward to kiss you on the cheek. Your face wasn't that far from hers. The way smiled at you. Her lips moved, your eyes taking in how soft they looked.

"Thank you."

Leaning back in your seat to put on your own seatbelt. Hoping the car was dark enough for anyone see how  flustered you looked.

*

Wait down here. I won't be long.

You nodded at the text on the phone. Tara offered you a smile before going up towards the room. With her inhaler missing, she needed her spare which was at Amber's house. Seeing no problem with Tara keeping her spare at her exes house who she was still friends with. Tara had told you that when she broke up with Amber, Amber had been respectful, Amber had been hurt but she accepted that Tara didn't feel the same anymore.

You had always thought Amber had taken the break up quite well if you were being honest.

Staying in the corner of the living room as the party guest left the house. Seeing Sam follow Tara and Amber. Richie leaving to what you assumed was the basement. Mindy and Lev talking, you saw the suspicious look Mindy was casting towards Lev. You looked Lev with a small smile when she turned towards you.

How are you?

Yea I'm okay. What about you lev?

Lev returned the smile and shrugged. Doing okay, I'm going to go look for Chad. With a nod she walked away. You sat on the other side of the couch, looking at the tv but not really watching. Your mind wondered, trying to figure out what ghostface meant when it called you a thief. You've never stollen from anyone. You tried to come up any suspects like Mindy does. But you came up empty. You would ask her but she was drunk and clearly too into the movie.

Which had been ironic seeing as she was watching Stab.

The sudden change had happened quickly feeling the rapid movement had your head snapping to the side. Seeing the familiar black cloak. You had tackled ghostface off Mindy as he stabbed her. It had been easy for ghostface to get the upper hand. With Mindy being drunk, you're injured shoulder. Sam thankfully arriving on time to smash a lamp over ghostfaces head.

Quickly checking you before going to Mindy. You hated not being able to hear. Ghostface had been right behind you and you hadn't been aware. You stood up the moment Tara and Amber came into the living room. Tara quickly moving to you,  her uninjured hand cupping your jaw.

Are you hurt?

With a shake of your head you took her hand in yours giving it a small squeeze before she moved to check on Mindy. You watched the moment Lev ran in, her hands covered in blood as cried. Her lips were moving too fast for you to understand. Along with Amber's who seemed to be more angry than scared. You desperately wanted to know what was being said, why everyone looked scared at Lev the more Amber spoke.

Even with your hearing being absent you felt the vibration of the gun. Saw with wide eyes as Lev fell to floor lifeless with the gunshot in the middle of her forehead. Seeing the change in Amber's eyes as she held the gun, smoke still coming from the end of it. You saw her lips move but you couldn't tare your eyes away from the gun.

Everything was starting to make sense. The way Amber's attitude changed the moment Tara broke up with her. How Amber became a bit more aggressive towards you but if Amber was ghostface. That means it had been Amber to attack Tara. To almost kill Tara. Amber had been the one to attack you and Tara at the hospital.

The moment her eyes connected to yours it had been like a switch. The gun pointed at you.

Tara didn't hesitate, the moment she realized the gun was now pointing at you she lunged forward. Before she could fire the gun like she had done to Lev, she had been fast enough to move the gun to fire at the ceiling and not at you.

You had moved to go to Tara but a rough hand had pulled on your wrist preventing you. Pulling your wrist from Richie’s hold before he could reach the basement. Once you were out of his grip you ran back to the living room. Your heart thumbing like crazy in your ears.

There was no one in the living room. Just one Tara’s crutches. You only had ever been at Amber’s house a hand full of times. Never being able to remember where everything was at. So seeing that Tara was no longer in the living room was causing you panic even more. You had to find Tara.

*

Sam heard screams, the moment she came out of the basement. Screams of pure pain, a cry she’s never heard before. When she got closer to the clear struggle, she came to face with a horrifying sight. A bloodied Amber standing over you, your fingers were bleeding and broken, your face slashed in way that was clearly going to leave a deep scar.

“Oh hello Sam. You like my work. It’ll teach her not to be a thief.” With a final kick your face, rendering you unconscious.

*

Waking up with bright lights shining down on to you was blinding and painful. The ache coming from both of your hands had almost been overwhelming. The curtains had been closed before you could really take in, where you were at. Your eyes refusing to open until, a familiar hand cupped your cheek. You’d be able to recognize the hands anywhere. The size, the warmth, the softness.

Opening your eyes to see the beautiful face of your best friend looking down at you.

Tara had remembered the moment she snuck towards the kitchen. Seeing your body unmoving on the kitchen floor, she had picking up the gun and shooting Amber with out a second thought. Amber had been someone she deeply cared about. Amber had been her best friend before she had been her girlfriend. But the girl she had killed. The girl who had almost killed you. That was someone she didn’t recognize.

Feeling Tara’s hand on your ear, you realized she was putting on your hearing aids.

“Can you hear me?” The smile on your face was just the answer she wanted.

“Are you okay?”

Your voice was soft barely a whisper but she loved it either way. The relief she felt when she watched you open your eyes the afternoon after everything happened. You had been asleep for the past 14 hours after Richie and Amber were put down. The pure comfort, calmness she had felt so over come at seeing your pretty y/ec eyes. It had been enough to make her cry.

“I’m okay. We’ll be okay.”

Sam watched from outside the room. Watching how her little sister looked at you Tara cared for you. How she had cried for you. Now she understood why Amber called you a thief. You hadn’t stollen anything physically. But you had clearly taken Tara’s heart. Something Amber never had.

:)

[cherriegyuu]

lens of ice | yjh | one

pairing: jeonghan x f!reader genre: figure skater jeonghan, light angst, a little fluff, smut in the next part word count: 12k summary: jeonghan has only one chance left to make it to the olympics. as he embarks on this decisive journey, you, a documentarist, are set to follow him as he seeks the ultimate glory. warnings: jeonghan is kind of reckless with his body a/n: i've been writing this one for so long now and though it's not finished yet, i decided to post half of it, as a way to motivate myself to finish it. i really wanna thank @ressonancee first for giving me idea and second for helping me through all of this and putting up my crazy ass mind 💓

part one | part two (final)

The light buzzing of the fluorescent lights made him uncomfortable, it was like a premonition of what was to come. Something bad, he was sure.

Jeonghan was many things in his life, stubborn perhaps being the most obvious one, but dumb wasn't one then. He knew that his ankle was fucked up, that he was probably the cause of it. Too many hours of training, never giving himself enough time to heal before he got the ice again. He didn't know exactly how bad it was, that was for the doctor in front of him to say, but Jeonghan knew that nothing good would come out of the man's mouth.

"It's worse than I thought," the man said with a sigh, taking off his glasses "It's not just your ankle anymore, it's also your knee. And, I could be wrong, but considering the way you're walking, I'd say that you're right ankle also started to bother you"

Jeonghan hung his head. He was an athlete and he knew that he was being reckless, beyond actually. He should have gone to his coach the second he felt a sharp pain in his ankle. But he just went home, took an ice bath, and kept the whole thing to himself. Even on the following days, when the pain didn't go away at all, he still chose to keep his mouth shut and go to practice every day. And his coach, unaware of his condition, kept pushing him during practice. 

Not that he needed anyone to be harsh on him, Jeonghan did all of that on his own. But having someone else do that for him as well brought out a different desire for perfection. One that came from a dark place to show someone else that he was good, to prove people wrong.

"Can I still compete?" was all he asked, it was the only thing that mattered to him "Can I make it to the Olympics? It's the last one for me, after this I retire"

The look on the doctor's face wasn't reassuring, Jeonghan knew that his next words wouldn't be the ones he wanted. He wasn't about to hear what he needed.

"If, and only if, you have surgery, take physical therapy seriously, and rest as we instruct you, there might be a possibility. Small, but it exists" 

"When can I have the surgery?"

You stared at your computer screen, a hand on your forehead as you read the email your boss sent you. You sat at your desk, not really knowing what to do.

"Seungkwan!" you called without looking up "Did you get this email too?"

Just to make sure that you weren't crazy, you read it once again. The third time in less than five minutes. No matter how many times you read it, it didn't change.

"Yeah. I'm excited but scared…"

That was enough to get your attention.

"Why?" 

Closing your laptop, you stood up moving closer to Seungkwan. Unlike you, who read the email many times, Seungkwan had already started his research. Not that he really needed to, everyone at the office knew that he was a huge fan of figure skating. So of course he would know all about Yoon Jeonghan.

The nation's pride and joy in figure skating, at least in the make category.

"Why scared? I thought everyone loved him"

It was impossible to look away from the picture Seungkwan had open on his computer. Jeonghan's face really was something else, as if he had been carved in marble by some ancient Greek artist. From his dark hair covering his eyes, giving him almost a mysterious vibe, to the way his lips were slightly crooked into a smile. You had to give it to him, the man was absolutely stunning. No wonder he left a trail of fans everywhere he went.

"He isn't the biggest enthusiast when it comes to the press. He barely gives interviews so I guess doing a documentary about him won't be easy"

Seungkwan kept scrolling, reading the latest news on Jeonghan. But the truth was that there wasn't any. His social media was also rarely updated, the last post was from months before.

"Well, good luck to you"

"What do you mean? You're the one in charge"

You just shook your head. The problem was Jeonghan honestly, you barely knew anything about him, though Seungkwan's words didn't help the case. The thing was that you barely knew anything at all about sports, in general, much less about figure skating. Lack of knowledge was an easy fix. The real issue was the fact that a documentary on a sport was way too different from what you usually did.

"I'm not doing this one. I have other projects I want to work on. Plus, this is too sudden. They want us to start tomorrow, Seungkwan. Do you really think that it's possible to have anything done by tomorrow?" he shook his head and you nodded in agreement "Precisely, so I'm sure that if we talk with Jihoon…"

"Nothing will change" 

A curse left your lips at the sudden voice behind you. Turning around you faced the small man. Jihoon had his arms crossed over his chest and the look in his eyes that told you that no matter what he wouldn't let you off the hook. Still, you had to try.

"Jihoon, I'm not your sports person. And it's too soon. I don't anything about Jeonghan or figure skating"

Jihoon simply shook his head at you.

"They want a different approach than the average sports documentary, so I recommended you. I'm sending Seungkwan with you because I know this isn't your area of expertise, though I highly suggest you do some sort of research" he turned around to leave with a wave of his hand then turned around for a second, as if remembering something "Hansol will be your camera and sound guy. They asked for a small crew"

With a salute Jihoon left.

"Fuck"

You couldn't take your eyes away from the crutches under Jeonghan's arms and the orthopedic boot around his left leg. There was not a single article that pointed to surgery. There were plenty about his constant injuries though. Seungkwan had the same look on his face, of pure shock. 

"Are you okay?" you asked once he made himself comfortable on the couch.

Jeonghan sat sideways on the couch, his leg propped up over cushions. The position looked weird but he didn't seem to mind.

"Ah, this" he pointed at his leg nonchalantly, as if it was the most normal thing "Yeah, it's okay. Had to get the surgery done in order to make it to the next Olympic"

Nodding, you looked around. His apartment wasn't as big as you had expected. In fact, the three of you stood closely together in the living room, a bit too small for all the gear Hansol said he needed.

"Put your things down, let's talk. I don't know how this is going to work"

Me neither, you wanted to say but kept your mouth shut. Thankfully, Seungkwan was there to help you.

"Before we start any real interview or conversation, I think we have to tell you that this was very last minute for us. We only heard about this documentary yesterday, in the middle of the afternoon" he used his kindest voice, his voice laced with concern and a hit of fear, maybe "yn is in charge, she's the documentarist, she'll be asking the questions and dictating the overall direction that we're going to take with the documentary. I'm Seungkwan and that's Hansol. This is the smallest crew he could assemble"

Seungkwan was giving too many explanations, you felt. But he also wasn't wrong. What he did was normal, he was just introducing the crew. Maybe you were a little irritated by the way you were tossed into this job, without someone giving you enough time to prepare. Sixteen hours were barely enough.

"I assume my… reputation has gotten to you," Jeonghan said, a small smile on his lips.

A reputation he had indeed. Jeonghan was known for not liking the press and journalists. He avoided them at all costs and once, on one occasion, was seen being rude. And honestly, you had to give him a pass for it. Pushing the camera away from his face, almost delicately, could barely be considered rude at such a moment. There were way too many cameras around, all of them on his face, trying to get some sort of pronouncement on why he had not made it to the podium. 

And that had been years before but people still remembered him by that one moment. But what exactly did they expect? He underperformed, came in fourth place, and injured himself in the process. Was anyone expecting a happy and bright Jeonghan? 

"You can be comfortable around me. A conversation like this is fine. I just don't like being swarmed" 

Though his words were inviting, his face told a whole different story. He clearly didn't want this documentary.

"All of our interactions will be recorded," you told him, not leaving room for arguments on his end "These first few minutes aren't, out of courtesy and so that we can set our goals. I need to know if you're uncomfortable with anything, or something that you don't want to be filmed, either right now or before we turn the cameras on. Once we start, we won't stop"

Jeonghan adjusted his position on the couch, his eyes never leaving you. It was like he was measuring your every move. He didn't like your tone, and how aggressive you were towards him. 

"I know this was last minute and I apologize for that. This is going to be my last run and, as much as I hate to admit, I'm a bit sensitive to it.

With furrowed eyebrows, you nodded. Jeonghan knew that you didn't believe him or that you cared about his reasons. He knew that the sole reason you were there was because someone made you. 

"Will you need to film my family?" 

"Yes, usually film family members to get a complete idea of someone's life" 

Turning around you nodded at Hansol, telling him to start setting up. With a shake of his head, Seungkwan moved to help him.

"I don't want my family to know the extent of my injuries. So if you only want them for context, to know about me as a child, that's fine. But they can't know anything about this" Jeonghan pointed at his leg "I've been hiding this for a very long time and I'd like to keep it that way"

You dropped your bag on the couch, eyes tired and mind filled with one too many thoughts. The day had been easier than you expected, far more so. 

Based on Seungkwan's words you had expected to fight with Jeonghan in a way. It was a documentary so you needed him to talk and talk he did. There was no question unanswered or dodged, all of his answers were precise and consistent. All of it had sounded fake like he had rehearsed them a million times.

Even if you thought that your question had been good, and had caught him off guard, Jeonghan seemed to be fully prepared for it. He didn't hesitate for a second. 

In the few hours you spent around him, you finally managed to understand the fascination most people had with him. He was handsome, yes, but that was just the very basic and surface level of him. Beyonce that he was also good with his words. It was hard to tell that he was lying because he talked with conviction. After just one interview you were sure that if one day Jeonghan decided to tell you that your mom wasn’t actually your mother, you’d somehow believe him.

And the man knew all of it. He was aware of his beauty and charm, of what it did to normal people, and he used it in his favor. Jeonghan knew that most people couldn’t resist a handsome talented man. And that was a part he was all too willing to fill.

“Yeah,” you answered your phone, not bothering to see who it was, certain that it was just Jihoon.

“How was it today?” he sounded just as tired as you felt and you couldn’t help but wonder if he was okay.

“Fine”

“Just fine?”

You turned on your back, facing the ceiling, or at least whatever you could see with the lights turned off - not a whole lot, to be honest.

“He lied through his teeth today. There was no manager, and no coach around, though I do remember him saying someone would come. The person never showed up” you sighed “Seungkwan hates and Vernon probably thinks I’m a crazy bitch. So yeah, just fine”

Jihoon laughed on the other side of the line and you felt the little butterflies in your stomach come to life. You rolled your eyes at yourself. How pathetic it was of you, to have a crush on your boss. How very much bland of you.

Growing up, like a lot of girls that were influenced by way too much TV, you had wanted the be the odd one out. The I’m one of the guys kind of girl, or the one who refused to wear any kind of makeup or even come close to the pink because that was just girly for you. And now there you were, in love with the color pink, finding excuses to wear pretty dresses, and having a crush on your boss.

Teenage you would throw eggs at your head if she had the chance.

“Okay, but how was Jeonghan?” Jihoon pressed even further.

You sighed and closed your eyes, covering over face with your hand.

“He was polite, answered all of my questions, had a pleasant smile the entire time, and only asked for a bathroom break while we were there. Offered us food and drinks. He was fine” you said again, emphasizing the fine.

You could picture Jihoon, nodding his head and looking at the floor, probably thinking of what to ask next.

“Why would Seungkwan hate you? And why would Vernon think you’re a bitch?”

“Seungkwan thinks I went too hard on Jeonghan and Vernon just trusts Seungkwan’s judgment and goes with it”

Jihoon laughed again and you heard him moving around.

“Classic yn, going at someone while she’s angry. At least your anger was sort of directed to the right person”

“What is that supposed to mean?” you sat up.

You liked to think that you didn’t act that way all the time. In your mind, most of the time, you were able to hide your anger and just play nice like your mother had taught you to be. Jihoon’s words told a completely different story.

“Have some rest, there’s still a lot of work to do. Tomorrow you’re going with him to rehab, right?” Jihoon paused for a second and you heard a female voice in the back, you couldn’t make out what she said but you were sure of who it belonged to “I have to go. We’ll talk next week”

The line was disconnected and leaned back on the couch again. The problem of having a crush on your boss was also the fact that he had a long-time girlfriend and soon he was supposed to be marrying her.

You groaned, wondering if you had gone far enough that there was no going back from this crush.

You sat across from Jeonghan once again, the position exactly the same as the first day. But this time you chose to be less irritable.

The other day you were frustrated because you had to give up other projects to be able to accompany Jeonghan and that, thinking rationally, had nothing to do with him. He asked for a specific documentary filmmaker profile and you were chosen by the studio. Maybe it was more your fault than his. But it was also a no-return kind of situation. The job was assigned to you and there was nothing you could do to change it. So the least you could do was do your best and pray that it didn’t take a turn for the worse.

And, if anything, the conversation with Jihoon helped you focus on work. It wouldn't be the first time you were doing something you didn't want to do and it certainly wouldn't be the last. So you decided that the best thing to do was just work, showing your professional side that had been left aside before.

Jeonghan looked at you the same way, eyes serious as if he was ready for a new attack.

"Thank you," he said to Vernon, who had just placed the microphone inside his jacket, so that he could pick up the sound well, but it was not visible to the camera.

You turned to Seungkwan and Vernon, waiting for confirmation from the two that you could begin. You received a wave from each of them after they checked that the cameras were on and recording.

You took a deep breath and turned to Jeonghan.

"I wanted to apologize for yesterday," you said "I wasn't fair to you. I was irritated by things that had nothing to do with you, but I somehow decided that they did"

Everyone in Jeonghan's living room seemed to hold their breath, you included. You didn't know what to expect from Jeonghan, not really. You had been anything but ungracious with him, in a way that to most people meant that any door between you two had closed.

Jeonghan decided, at that moment, that he had two options: a) he could let the previous day dictate how all interactions between the two of you from then on would be, and it would be many months of a bad relationship that would bring no benefit to anyone involved in it; or b) he could accept your apology, which seemed sincere enough, and let go of the discomfort he felt.

Option b was actually the only possible choice.

“Okay” he finally smiled “my reputation isn’t the best, either way”

Seungkwan and Vernon breathed a sigh of relief. It was as if a huge gray cloud had moved away and the weather was beginning to clear.

“No, your reputation had no influence. I was the one who lost my hand because of my problems and for that, I apologize” you said and you were sincere in your words “But Jeonghan, I need you to stop seeing me as your enemy. I need you to be honest with me.”

You hoped Jeonghan could understand what you were saying.

“You think I wasn’t honest?” he tilted his head as if analyzing you.

“In the same way that you don't want your reputation to affect the way I see you, I need you to not let the way you see other journalists affect the way you see me. I want to tell your story, however you want it told, but I need you to be honest with me.”

You hoped Jeonghan could understand what you were saying.

He was silent for a minute, his eyes fixed on his hands. His hair covered his face, so it was hard to get an idea of what was going through his head.

You looked at Seungkwan, seeking confirmation that you hadn’t been rude. He seemed to be as lost as you were, but the small smile he gave you was enough to make your restless heart rest for a second.

“What if I say something and regret it later?”

It was the first time Jeonghan looked insecure and it was a strange sight, but much more realistic than the other version of him.

“We can edit it, it’s not a problem. I said that because I was angry” you said apologetically once again.

“Can we throw it all away and start again?”

Jeonghan smiled and you had no choice but to smile along with him.

“Let’s start with what’s happening now,” you said, folding your legs under your body, notebook open to a blank page and a pen ready to take notes “You underwent surgery not long ago, right? Why?"

Jeonghan took a deep breath, eyes closed for a second before placing all his attention on you. His gaze was almost too intense. You had to force yourself not to look anywhere but at him.

“A few years ago I fell during training and twisted my ankle. At the time, it wasn't a big deal and if I had stayed quiet for a few weeks, and did everything right, I wouldn't have had any problems. But I couldn't do it, I was preparing for a competition. I didn't tell anyone about the problem and just endured the pain. When I participated in the competition I fell again and that only made the situation worse. Today I have a problem with my ligament and tendon.”

With every word that left his mouth, you felt like a lump was forming in your throat, and with every second it was getting bigger.

Unlike the day before, it didn't seem like Jeonghan was lying, but you didn't know if you wanted the truth he was sharing. Even if it was a lie, a character he had created, the version of Jeonghan from before was a little brighter, a little more present in the moment. The version of him that was in front of you, that you imagined to be the closest to reality, was almost sad, detached from everything.

“Because I forced my right knee a lot, trying to compensate for the lack of my left one, I developed a problem with that one too”

“You’ve never talked about your injuries before, right?” he nodded “Why talk now?”

He was silent again, his lower lip caught between his teeth. That was a great question, one that not even Jeonghan himself knew exactly how to answer.

“I'm not sure, to be honest” he laughed a little. Instead of looking directly at the camera, his eyes were focused on you “Someone came up with the idea at some point and it didn't seem like a bad one, but I think it will only work if I make it to the Olympics.”

“Is that the ultimate goal then, to get to the Olympics?”

He shook his head, that fearless, confident look you had only seen in photos finally making itself known.

“No, the ultimate goal is to win”

As promised, Jeonghan waited for you, Seungkwan, and Vernon outside the clinic. He was nowhere to be seen, really, but the car his assistant informed you of was parked right in front of the door.

You were the first one to exit your own car, while Seungkwan and Vernon prepared the camera to follow along. You could only assume he was the manager. Terribly young for a manager, sure, but a manager nonetheless.

“I assume you’re in” he extended a hand to you “I’m Joshua”

“Hi”

The exchange of words with Joshua was quick, no more than half a dozen. You didn't have much to talk about with him and he wasn't your priority, at least not at the moment. Later, at some other time, talking to him would be great. He had introduced himself as a friend/manager of Jeonghan. Having his point of view would be great and could contribute a lot, but your eyes couldn't leave Jeonghan.

His hair was tied back, but a cap covered much of his face. He had barely said hi to you or the other two. It wasn't a big surprise. While it was true that made up to a certain extent, you didn't expect him to simply welcome you with open arms, but his reaction was strange - or as strange as the reaction of a person you knew little, or nothing, could be.

“Can we film it?” You asked.

Jeonghan stopped and turned towards you. He had forgotten that you and your team would attend his first physical therapy session, but it seemed like the right thing to do.

Since the last time you saw each other, Jeonghan spent hours on end watching documentaries made by you and they all had one thing in common: they were almost like video logs. You followed everyone around documenting every tiny aspect of their lives. All those people told their stories and didn't seem afraid of having their lives exposed. And perhaps for people who didn't lead lives where they had been exposed too much, sincerity came easily.

For Jeonghan, that was never the case.

Being treated as the future, a promise of the sport, had brought a lot of harm and situations that neither he, nor anyone else, had the option to deal with or even, perhaps, ignore.

Cameras were pointed at him, rumors spread and suddenly he wasn't just Yoon Jeonghan, the boy who started skating because it would annoy his little sister. He became someone from whom people expected something.

As much as he could, Jeonghan tried to live up to all of those expectations, realistic or not. He tried to be as perfect as possible, on the ice and off of it. And it only took one day of silence, a few rude unanswered questions, and one bad performance — which had no real effect — for everything to collapse.

“You said you would film anything and everything.”

You grimaced, clearly regretful and maybe even a little embarrassed. It wasn't his intention, but he found your reaction funny anyway.

In your place, Jeonghan would have done much worse.

“Do you think it’s important?”

You nodded, perhaps more forcefully than necessary. Jeonghan laughed, he wanted to hold your head to make sure it was still in the right place.

“The documentary is about your return, so filming you here is important. I asked because it's your first session. I heard it can be painful.”

“It will probably be uncomfortable” he couldn’t deny that “Let’s do it like this, you can record it, if in the end you think it’s bad or that it doesn’t fit, we won’t use it

You quietly followed Jeonghan and Joshua out of the clinic, Seungkwan and Vernon trailing behind you talking in hushed tones. It was no surprise that they were talking. Truth was rehab had been brutal. You knew that it could get hard for Jeonghan, that it could be painful but nothing really prepared you for what you saw. And if it was hard for you to watch him go through that, it was unimaginable to understand how it was for him.

Throughout the entire session, Jeonghan looked in pain, his grunts and the scowl on his face growing with each passing second and new movement. Midway through you told Seungkwan and Vernon to stop filming. You had seen enough and you had more than what you needed for the documentary. 

You would only film his rehab again when he was no longer in such pain, you decided. Out of the many things you learned about Jeonghan was that showing his weaknesses wasn’t something he was too fond of or even comfortable with the idea of it. So there was no real reason to keep recording and you couldn’t stand it either. 

While you watched his face contort in pain, you felt something inside your chest tighten. 

It had never been a real issue before with you. You had always managed to separate your personal emotions from the things you felt while working. More often than not you told stories that were hard to listen to, took someone’s suffering, and put it on the TV for the entire world to see in hopes that maybe a part of their lives would be changed. You had always been able to detach yourself from that. 

However while inside with Jeonghan, such a thing was not possible. You felt your throat constrict and your eyes grow wet and for a short while, you couldn’t breathe either. It made no sense really. Why did it hurt to see this man, you knew nothing about, in pain to the point you wanted to cry? Why did it sadden you so much that he was limping harder than before?

You wanted to approach him, ask if he was okay, if it had been too much. But it was out of line, it was one that you knew you shouldn’t cross. There was this itch though, in the back of your mind, begging you to just ask, to just take a step closer to him. 

It happened so suddenly that you didn’t even see it happening. One second it was just the five of you in the parking lot, in the next there were reporters with mics and cameras pointed at Jeonghan. You noticed how Jeonghan raised his shoulders at the same time he lowered his head. He couldn’t see in front of himself, you were certain. 

Joshua put an arm around Jeonghan’s shoulder while he used the other one to keep them away from him. Not that it was of any use. One of the cameras was directly under his face as if trying to get an expression, anything at all, that could show his discomfort with the situation. From somewhere behind you there were flashes. 

"Do you believe your injury was a result of your own carelessness?"  someone asked. 

You felt your blood run cold for a second and you froze in place, Seungkwan and Vernon behind you. 

"Do you think your skating career is over after such devastating injuries?" someone followed. 

"Did you regret pushing yourself so hard during training, knowing it led to your injury?" 

"How did it feel to watch other skaters progress while you were stuck in rehab?" 

"Are you worried that your injury will define your career more than your achievements on the ice?" 

The questions got progressively worse and you wanted to scream at them to just shut up, and stop. How could they just ambush someone like that with those questions? It made no sense at all. And though you knew that it would cause more harm than good you wished Jeonghan would tell them all to fuck off.

Instead, he kept his head low and just slowly walked to his car while ignoring everyone around him, all the careless words being thrown at him. 

You tried to take a step forward but were held back by Seungkwan, who gripped the strap of your purse. He didn’t say a word, just shook his head. 

“They can’t just do that to him” you almost cried

“If you say anything, it might only make matters worse,” Hansol said, his voice sad. 

That sudden need to protect Jeonghan felt weird but oddly natural as well. Weird because you knew that you shouldn’t, because you hardly knew the guy. Natural because it felt as if you had always done that like it was just second nature to you. 

“He is used to this,” Seungkwan said, still not letting go of your purse. 

“He shouldn’t be! They are barely treating him like a human!”

By the time you turned around, Jeonghan was already inside the car leaving the parking lot. 

The clock on the top of your phone screen told you that it was 4:37 am. You hadn't even realized that you had spent so many hours still awake. 

As soon as you got home from the rehab with Jeonghan, you took a quick shower, ate the leftovers from the night before, and started to look up Jeonghan’s performances.

The man was a celebrity amongst athletes since he was a child. He was always seen as a promise of the sport. He was good from the start. Performing moves that he was still too young to do, entering competitions boys his age never really competed in and somehow managing to either come up to the podium or even winning some of them.

Everything was displayed online. Yearly competitions, practices, and small moments of his life.

Jeonghan's entire life, at least the sports part, was exposed on the internet for anyone, from anywhere in the world, to see. And it wasn't just the competitions, having videos of that part seemed completely normal and expected.

What was scary was all the other content. Some photos of him in school uniform, not one where he was actually looking at the camera, but ones that were clearly taken in secret. Another one from when he seemed to have simply gone out for coffee with Joshua.

You knew he had fans, that he was liked wherever he went, and that he was always followed, but that seemed a bit much.

In reality, watching videos of the competitions was like a gateway to everything that came after.

You knew very little about Jeonghan, only what you had read about in all the articles that you found and all of them had one thing in common: Jeonghan was a huge diva, who thought he was superior to everyone. But after seeing how he had been treated that day, as soon as he got out of rehab, you knew it wasn't like that. It was as if they had appeared out of nowhere, one second the parking lot was empty and the next it was full of journalists, shouting things and asking questions that to many would seem harmless, but were clearly intended to hurt.

Instead of watching more competition videos, not that there were many you hadn't watched yet, you decided to look for the famous video of him treating journalists badly.

You had never found one so easily on the internet. You just typed "Jeonghan and journalists" into the search bar and it was the first video to appear.

It was a scene very similar to the previous day. Jeonghan was in the parking lot, walking towards the guy when he was surrounded by several journalists.

"You didn't get the podium today, are you disappointed?" one of them asked and that was the most harmless question he got. “Did you really try hard or did you think you would get a high score because you were the favorite?” “Why did you fall in such a simple jump?” “Don't you think it was an amateur's performance?”

You didn't want to keep listening to all those meaningless questions, but you couldn't take your eyes off Jeonghan. He still had short hair at the time, even covering his eyebrows. His jaw was clenched, his eyes were hard, and his gaze was focused straight ahead, as he walked slowly to his car. Joshua tried as best he could to control the journalists with their microphones and cameras, but he was just one man against many. Finally, after what felt like ages, two security guards appeared, pushing the journalists away as they began shouting profanities in Jeonghan's direction.

Could those people even consider themselves journalists? Real journalists, who took their work seriously?

There is a very fine line between being a journalist who asks incisive questions and one who is completely disrespectful to the athlete. And those people were anything but professional.

It was no surprise that after that Jeonghan refused to give interviews.

That whole situation happened years before, at the beginning of the previous Olympic cycle, but even so, it was still a moment that haunted him. People remembered him as just that guy, someone who refused to answer simple questions. But what exactly did these people expect? That he was all smiles when he failed to reach the podium, even though he was the favorite in the competition? That he smiles when he hurts?

Finally, you managed to understand why he acted that way, and why his answers were so polite and direct. Jeonghan didn't want to leave room for interpretation. Not that he had much of a choice. People only see what they want to see, but that didn't mean he couldn't try.

Jeonghan couldn’t take his eyes away from your back, he followed your every move. You stood next to Joshua, talking to him quietly, his friend showing you something on his phone. He felt something scratch at his neck. This new and unknown feeling. 

It was unusual for Jeonghan, to want to have someone’s undivided attention. It was usually the other way around and he was never willing to do it, with anyone. And then there you were and suddenly he didn’t like that you were talking with Joshua. 

It wasn’t like you seemed to be having fun either. You moved around with intention, your eyes always focused, your words and questions firm and straight to the point. Jeonghan couldn’t help but wonder if it was always like that with you. If your professional persona always took over who you were in other moments. 

His curiosity was huge but his courage to ask was very little. 

“She may seem like it, but she won’t bite your head off if you talk with her,” someone said on his left.

Seungkwan stood at his side, his hands clasped in front of him while he rocked on his heels. 

“I think she will,” Jeonghan said. 

Seungkwan took his reply as an invitation to sit. 

“You know, in the office, people call her the ice queen” he too looked in your direction, at your serious expression "She’s like that most of the time”

Jeonghan looked at Seungkwan expectantly, he knew there was a but coming soon. All he needed to do was wait long enough. 

“She didn’t want to take this job, our boss forced her to. She’s more into storytelling, real people, with real issues”

“Am I not a real person?”

The offense in Jeonghan’s voice made Seungkwan almost fall off his chair. He didn’t intend for his words to sound like that.

“Of course you are” he laughed nervously while trying to explain it as best as he could “If it were up to her, she would focus this documentary on you, on how you started skating, why, what attracted you to it, how it affected the rest of your life. But your team doesn’t want that, I think. We were told that you already gave many interviews on the matter so there’s no point in talking about it again. They want us to focus on your recovery and then you make it to the Olympics. She’s trying to figure out how to do that in a way that makes someone watch it”

Jeonghan nodded, feeling guilty. It had been his request to not the documentary so focused on the past and more on what was happening in the moment

“She also doesn’t like sports and hated the idea of the job, but that's beside the point”

Both of them laughed, eyes still on your back now that you talked with Vernon, giving him new instructions.

“I’ll make sure that she gets to do the kind of documentary she thinks is best”

Seungkwan stood up, a big smile on his lips.

“Who could have known that the ice queen and the ice prince aren’t actually that cold”

After months of just rehab, it’s finally time for Jeonghan to get back on the ice and it pained you a little to admit that you were looking forward to it. The videos you watched could only take you so far, you wanted to actually see the real thing. Him, in action.

Of course, you know that he wasn’t going to be able to do a third of the things he did on those videos. But you wanted to see him in his element, how he would behave when he was finally around the thing he loved the most in the world — his words, not yours. 

The one thing you were able to learn from Jeonghan was the fact that he indeed loved what he did. Like most people, sometimes he hated it. It was the thing he was most passionate about, yes, but it was also his job, so there were days when he just hated and the mere idea of leaving the house was too much. 

It was too hard to be a professional athlete, it demanded way too much of him. Of anyone, really. Sometimes he wanted to be like everyone else and just not put everything he was into it. But if he did that, he lost one single day, he was scared that he could lose an entire year and maybe that year turned into two and then he could lose his chance to go to the Olympics. 

And he only had one change left. 

So, instead of focusing on much he didn’t want to do, Jeonghan decided to focus on the fact that there was only a year ahead of him and he would be able to do whatever he wanted and have as many down days as he wanted. 

He didn’t know what he wanted to do and what would be the after for him but it gave him something to look forward to. 

“Are you nervous?” you asked him.

Jeonghan was someone who was mostly quiet. You noticed that once he started to feel more comfortable he was one to start the conversation and even crack a few jokes here and there. Seungkwan had been the first person he kind of opened up to, which had left you a hint of jealousy. You wanted to be one he talked with mostly because it was your job but also just because. 

However, he had been especially quiet that day. The three of you went to meet him at his apartment. The idea was that you’d follow him the entire day, from the moment he woke up, to when he went to the doctor to get the final clear and then finally to the ring. 

He had talked very little, his eyes always focused somewhere else. It was clear that his mind was traveling somewhere far, far away. So you left him be, quietly watching him just move around. A silent shooting day, you told yourself  In the end, however, you had a job and he needed to do the talking.

“It’s been too long,” he said, his eyes never really leaving the ice “I don’t know if I can still do it”

You laughed, causing him to finally look at you, eyes wide on his face. He tried to look serious but the corners of his lips were turned slightly up.

“You just don’t feel confident, but you didn’t forget it” you looked at his ankle, it was still weird to see him without any sort of protection around it “How’s your ankle?”

He just shook his head and in that moment you chose to believe that he was said It doesn’t bother me anymore. 

Through the interviews, you found out that Jeonghan is the kind of person to suffer in silence. It was clear from all of his previous injuries, how he competed while in pain and only ever said anything when it was almost too late.

“Do you think I can still do it?”

There was something in his voice like he was almost on the verge of breaking. He sounded vulnerable in a way that was entirely too new, in a way you wanted to push Vernon and his camera away because that was a part of him you knew he didn’t want the world to see. 

Instead, you reached for his arm, patting it a couple of times, hoping that your touch, as ungraceful and awkward as it was, was able to soothe him, even if it was just for a moment. 

“I was watching some of your competitions last night, again, you know? And that guy? He’s still in there, I’m sure of it, I’ve seen him”

You weren’t just saying that to cheer him up, your words were true. You had seen that version of him, little glimpses here and there. He was in the way his eyes suddenly changed and it was like he owned the entire room, in the way he suddenly turned confident, in the way he was charming in a way that was almost sickening but all too enchanting either way. 

Whether or not he believed it himself, Yoon Jeonghan was a force to be reckoned with.

"What kind of kid were you?" you asked, looking up at Jeonghan. 

He sat opposite to you, bent down to tie the laces on his skates. His hair covered his face, you were sure that he couldn't see much, but he didn't seem bothered by it in the least. Maybe he had just gotten used to it. 

Four months had gone by since you started to follow Jeonghan and even before that, he had kept his hair long. And you hated to admit that he looked good, too good even.

"What kind do you think I was?" He smirked at you for a second before going back to his skates.

Rolling your eyes, you couldn't help but smile. 

"This is not how it works. I ask the questions here"

Jeonghan leaned back on his seat, giving you his full attention. His smirk did something to your insides. It felt tight and loose at the same time, like wild butterflies running around on your skin. 

"Come on, humor me"

You pretended to be in deep thought, Jeonghan as a child had been something you thought about for a long time now. Even though he was very serious most of the time there were these small moments where he looked like a kid ready to do something he wasn't supposed to.

"I can only think of you as a troublemaker” you smiled, closing your notes knowing well that you’d make no progress at all with the filming “I’ve seen pictures of you and a child and although you looked very cute, I’m sure you were a handful to your mother”

Jeonghan laughed, throwing his head back and in that moment he looked so carefree.

Even since the start of the documentary Jeonghan had used his most serious expressions, a frown always taking over his beautiful features. But he had been back on the ice for a few days already and in those days he had looked the happiest you had seen him yet.

Of course, he still hasn’t practiced the way he wanted or the way he used to. He still needed to take things slowly: fewer hours, less power in the movements. But it was undeniable that he was a completely different person.

It wasn’t that he had been in a bad mood every single day but there was just something about him in his element, of him doing something he was obviously passionate about, that was so enchanting that it became impossible to look away from him.

“Where did you see those pictures?”

“You do know that I had to google you because I had no idea who you were, right?”

One thing you managed to learn about Jeonghan is the fact that, if in the right mood, he is a trickster and most of all, a flit. You weren’t even sure that he was aware of what he was doing, it seemed like second nature to him.

He put a hand over his chest, faking being in pain. His face contorted and a pout on his lips.

“I thought we were getting to know each other”.

Seungkwan coughed by your side, finally making you remember that there were people around you and that the entire interaction between you and Jeonghan was being recorded.

There was something about Jeonghan that always seemed to make you forget where you were, that maybe there were people around you. You could only suppose that it was the charm of a man who knew exactly what he was doing, who knew how to sweet talk someone.

And Jeonghan knew what he was doing, what kind of words or looks could get a reaction from a woman.

Most of the time while around Jeonghan you had to remind your heart to be calm and quiet. Being around him was a temporary arrangement, as soon as the Olympics started said arrangement would be done and you’d have to go back to your normal life. One that didn’t include Yoon Jeonghan. And you also knew that there wasn’t space for you in his life.

“We’re going to set up the cameras around the ice,” Seungkwan said awkwardly while dragging Verno by the hand.

You watched as the two walked away from you, whispering in secrecy. You could only imagine the kind of things that they were saying. If you knew Seungkwan at all, you were certain that it couldn’t be any good.

“Jeonghan, I ask questions and you answer them. And while one could say that I’m getting to know you, I don’t think it would be possible to say the same thing about me”

Jeongahn's smile was defiant when he crossed his arms over his chest.

“You have a no-bullshit policy, which I should have known, from the start, but I wasn’t expecting someone like you. Although you try really hard to pretend that you’re not, your eyes are kind and you quietly take care of those around you, me included sometimes. You got worried when I was in pain in rehab and when Vernon got hurt it seemed as if you were angry, but you were concerned about him and after that, you asked to have another staff with you so that he wouldn’t need to carry so many things on his own. You and Seungkwan bicker a lot but when he isn’t around for a day you are quieter and your questions have been more direct. That doesn’t make you a lousy documentarist, please don’t think that I’m saying that, you take your job very seriously. I’m saying that you put people above your job. I’m guessing that’s why you wanted to become a documentarist, to begin with, to tell stories”

You stared at him, mouth open wondering just how he had come up with all of that and why he had managed to hit everything right on the stop. Especially the reason why you became a documentarist. It seemed very obvious, yes, but it wasn’t something that you had said.

In fact, your personal life was something that very few people knew. You weren’t one to share your thoughts and what was on your mind with people. Seungkwan was a good friend, but he was a work friend so your personal life was just that, personal. Not that you had someone to share it with, either way.

The apartment was empty when you left and it was in the exact same way and you got back. You were on your own, with no parents, no siblings and most of your friends had given up on you somewhere along the way.

For the longest time, you put your job first. It came before anything and anyone. You were building your career and name at the time so it was hard not to put it first. It was your dream, one that your friends supported at first but were displeased when you decided to put it first.

You had thought that if you made it big on your job if you got hired by a big production company, you’d be able to find the happiness that you had searched for a long time. And while some of it was true, your career was on the right path and you did something you loved, you didn’t have a lot more beyond that going one.

It was become just you and your job.

Was it sad? Yes, but it was also the life you chose.

“Just because I don’t know details of your life, doesn’t mean that I don’t watch you, yn”

You watched as Jeonghan fell for what felt like the hundredth time that day. It didn't make sense, not really. At least not for you. And from the looks of it, for him too.

He was frustrated and completely angry. All those people looking at him, expectations high, waiting for something. He wasn't sure what. For him to fail? To see if he still could do it?

Everything was possible and impossible at the same time.

He couldn't stop his eyes from going after you every time you fell. Somehow, your reaction was the only one that mattered to him. The first few times your face was completely emotionless, as if you were staring at a blank wall. Then Jeonghan fell once again, and again, and again. He stopped counting at 10, but he knew it was much more than that actually. But your gaze, which was fixed on him, became more worried as the minutes passed and he hated being the cause of it.

Somehow, since he met you, only two things were on Jeonghan's mind: skating and you.

He didn't know how, he didn't know why, but you had taken over his every thought. It was as if you had walked through an imaginary door and entered his mind and decided that it was a great place to be.

Even on days when you didn't see each other because there was no recording, he was tempted to talk to you. And on one of those days, he just succumbed to the temptation of picking up the phone and calling you.

“Jeonghan, is everything okay?” was the first thing you said.

He hated that worry was the first emotion he awakened in you. He hated that the first thing you said wasn't "hello" like a normal person. But at the same time, the concern made him feel somehow welcomed. It could, of course, be all in his head, and what he saw as concern for himself was actually concern for the documentary.

"I just wanted to talk," he admitted.

Maybe it was because he had gotten used to talking to you, maybe it was because you offered zero judgment for the way he thought or reacted. Or maybe it was because it was you. Whatever it was, Jeonghan felt comfortable talking to you.

Telling the truth, about everything, was not difficult, in fact, it became something very easy. It was because of you, he knew.

"I realized I don't know anything about you"

You laughed and he listened as you moved through what he imagined to be his apartment.

"That's because I interview you and not the other way around"

He sat on the bed, his legs stretched out in front of him as he supported the rest of his weight on his arms stretched behind him.

"Do you think it's so bad that I know anything about you?"

You remained silent for a few seconds, seeming to think about the idea. It wasn't bad, not at all.

At several moments you found yourself with your cell phone in your hand, ready to send a message or call him. You weren’t sure what, but there was something about Jeonghan that just made you want to tell him everything.

"What do you want to know?" you said with a sigh.

"Whatever you want to share"

The great truth is that very little happened in your life. You lived alone, worked every day, and came home alone. Your last boyfriend, or even a fling, was over a year before. Your friends, if you could call them that, were all from work. Your life was quite still and dull. Even if you wanted to talk about work. Jeonghan was your job. There wasn't much to talk about.

"I don't think I have much to tell" you knew that what you were about to say wasn't the happiest topic in the world, but it was what you had to offer "My mother passed away when I was nineteen, since then I've been alone"

You could still clearly remember the day your father left. There wasn't a fight. He never packed his bag and left. One day he was there when you woke up, he gave you breakfast and took you to school, like he did on most days. But it was his job to pick you up and he never showed up. Your mother showed up instead, her eyes swollen as she did her smile to smile at you and explain to the teacher why she was so late. When you finally got home she said "Now it's just you and me. Daddy had to leave"

For months, years even, you waited for him to come back. You thought one day he would just appear in front of you. You were disappointed when it was your mother who showed up to pick you up when he didn't come to his birthdays when you called the number he had left with his mother and he never answered.

You waited until you turned 18 to go after him. You only had a name, but with that alone, a person can find everything on the internet. You found him in another state, working at a real estate agency. You sat down in front of him and talked for about half an hour. You made up a story about going to college and needing a place to live. You said your name and your mother's name several times, surname and everything, and at no point did he seem to connect one thing to the other. Until the last second, when you said you would think about renting the studio he had suggested, and he walked you to the door. He said, "I left for a reason, don't come back here."

You couldn't believe what you had heard. You couldn't understand why he left and why he never came back. But at that moment you decided that if he didn't want you, you didn't need him. Your mother had worked so hard to make sure you had everything you needed.

Exactly one year later, your mother died in a bizarre car accident. It was like being 7 years old again and losing another person, only in a much more painful way.

"You don’t have any siblings?" Jeonghan's voice on the other end brought you back "Relatives?"

You shook her head, even though you knew he couldn't see you.

"I was an only child, so no siblings. My mom was an orphan so relatives either. My father left when I was a child"

You and Jeonghan spent the whole night on the phone, talking about everything and nothing. From trivial things to more personal matters. His delight upon learning that you didn’t have a boyfriend didn’t go unnoticed. 

Calls and messages became commonplace between the two of you. Your heart raced every time a new message arrived and it was hard to hide your disappointment when you realized it wasn't from him. On days when you didn't see each other, you would stare at your phone, waiting for it to ring, waiting for him to call.

So you hoped he understood when you shook your head in his direction, a request written on your face. That's enough for today, you can try more tomorrow, you hoped he would understand.

Instead of trying one more time after he fell once again, he skated to the edge of the ice. His face was red from the effort, and his chest rose and fell in an uneven rhythm trying to force air back into his lungs.

"I want everyone out," he said, his voice broken.

Seungkwan and Vernon didn't even question it, they simply started putting away the equipment. Jihoon, who had shown up unexpectedly to "supervise" didn't seem to understand what was going on, but turned to help Vernon.

Jeonghan's coach was the only one who approached him, his hand on the athlete's shoulder.

"Go home, rest. Tomorrow we try again"

Jeonghan shook his head. He would only get out of there after managing to make the damn jump, even if he had to stay the whole night.

"Just half an hour more, but I want to be alone"

The coach clearly didn't like the idea, but he knew it was stupid to try and make Jeonghan change his mind.

You turned to him, looking at his face, trying to figure out if he was in pain or if he was just being a big blockhead. Without giving yourself the luxury of thinking about what you were doing, you placed your hand over Jeonghan's and squeezed for a second. You hoped he understood what you meant.

"You have to rest"

You knew everyone was watching, that despite saying they were leaving they weren't actually moving. Jeonghan didn't seem to care and for a moment you decided not to care either.

“Stay,” he said softly, so only you could hear him “please.”

Some strands of hair were stuck to Jeonghan's face, you wanted to get them out of his face, but caution spoke louder. You looked over your shoulder and everyone was still looking at the two of you, but as soon as they noticed your gaze they started moving again. Seungkwan shouted “We’re leaving” and seconds later the door slammed.

Finally, you were alone.

“You have to rest,” you said again.

You took advantage of the fact that no one else was there and removed the strands of hair stuck to his forehead, tucking it behind his ear. Jeonghan sighed, his eyes closing as he leaned towards you. Just that little touch wasn't enough.

“I need to get it right”

"If you stop now and rest you will know what you are doing wrong"

A half smile shined on Jeonghan's face as he leaned further into the barrier, his face just inches away from his.

"My ego loves it when you say I'm doing something wrong”

You pushed him back, needing a little bit more space to yourself. He was too close, you could feel his breath on your nose and cheeks. It was suddenly as if the world was made of Yoon Jeonghan, it was just him and no one else. 

“I’m sure your ego will be just fine”

Instead of pulling your hand back, you allowed it to stay in his chest. Jeonghan smiled for a second before pressing his hand over yours. 

“Just another 30 minutes” he repeated what he said to his coach “I promise I’ll stop in precisely 30 minutes”

You nodded with a sigh. There was nothing you could do to stop him. Something told you that even if you threatened him to leave he would stay and practice, he would stay on the ice for far more than just 30 minutes if you weren’t around. 

So you sat down and waited for him. And he fell time and time again, his face growing displeased with himself at each passing second, each time he jumped but didn't manage to land. 

Jeonghan had done that same jump countless times before with ease as if one's body would simply perform such movements. To him, it always seemed as easy as walking. You had seen it in all of his videos, almost in trance by him. 

“If you’re not done in twenty-one minutes” you pretended to look at your imaginary watch “I’m taking you out of there by force”

Jeonghan threw his head back, laughing. 

“Remember when you said that you never skated before?” Jeonghan asked after finally being able to breathe properly again.

You weren’t too sure how, but he had stopped after 30 minutes. A big smile on his face after he managed to land the jump after so many tries. After getting it right once, he didn’t get it wrong again. It was like something clicked inside his brain as if he had found the last missing piece of the puzzle.

Of all the things you said to Jeonghan, from the most personal to the most trivial, that was, by far, the only one you regretted. You had told him over the phone but he looked horrified, it was easy to imagine the wide eyes on his face.

But him standing there, in front of you, with a smile that could only be seen on the face of a mischievous child, said much more than any words he could utter.

“No,” you said, shaking your head, already moving back.

You had learned several peculiarities about Jeonghan in all the months you spent by his side, and one of the most glaring was the look in his eyes when he was about to do something he shouldn't.

“You have to try, at least once” his lips were a mixture of a smile and a pout “You will have the best teacher in the world”

You saw it and shook your head again.

“I can’t trust a teacher who spent the day falling” you pointed to the rink behind him.

As soon as the words left your mouth, you regretted them. You didn't know if your words would offend him, you hoped he knew it wasn't your intention. But you also knew that hell was paved with good intentions. Jeonghan was silent for a minute, his face serious, his eyes not leaving yours for an entire minute.

Then he smiled, his nose wrinkling a little as he laughed, loudly. It didn't take long for you to join him.

“You’re evil,” he said, trying to control himself, but failing “This way you’re going to break my heart”

“I think there are few things in this world that can break your heart.”

You would definitely be one of them, Jeonghan wanted to say, but he held his tongue in his mouth. He knew he couldn't say that, he knew that any word said wrongly could simply ruin everything he had built so far. If he could even say he built something. He liked to think so.

From the first time you spoke, Jeonghan knew there was no going back, at least for him. He had never done anything like that. He had never called someone in the middle of the night simply because he wanted to hear someone's voice. And in this case, it wasn't just someone's voice, it was your voice that he wanted to hear.

With each passing sentence, Jeonghan found himself falling more in love with you and he wasn't able to say why. Maybe he could blame it on your eyes, always so focused, but somehow when they turned to him, they seemed so sweet and sincere. Or your voice, which gave orders and asked incisive questions, but as soon as the cameras were turned off it became gentle and almost shy. Maybe it was the fact that you seemed like a lioness when you were working, never giving space for unfounded questions, but you were shy when it was just the two of you alone.

He liked this version of you, who was right in front of him, who seemed completely comfortable with him, to the point of making jokes — something that until that moment you hadn't done yet.

“We always have extra pairs in the back, I'm sure one of them is your size” he had made sure you would, with Seungkwan's help of course “And then we try it, what do you think?”

Even though you were shaking your head, you went to the closet where you knew the skates were stored.

With your knees bent and shaking, you stepped onto the ice and immediately regretted giving in to Jeonghan's will. You didn't know how he had managed it, but in the closet, there was a brand new pair of skates, your size. Jeonghan had smiled as he bent down to tie your shoelaces,

“I’m going to fall flat on my face,” you said as you grabbed the bars.

Jeonghan held your face in his hands, your eyes fixed on his.

“I won’t let you fall”

The way the words left his lips made your heart skip a beat, or maybe several of them. You could feel it on the back of your throat and you could swear that your hands shook a little as you accepted the hand Jeonghan had extended to you. 

You wished it could just stop. Not for your heart to stop beating altogether but for it to stop reacting to Jeonghan. Everything changed after that first call and you weren’t too sure of where it was. He had, someway, somehow, become a pivotal point of you. His voice, his eyes. The way tingles started to run down through your body the moment his skin came in touch with yours. How, despite all odds, he made you feel safe in a way you weren’t too sure you had ever experienced before.

When he said that he wasn’t going to you fall, you believed him so you held his hands — strong enough that you were sure were hurting him but he didn't seem to mind — and allowed Jeonghan to pull you into the rink. 

“Don't move your feet” he said, voice ever so sweet but with a slight hint of teasing “I know it's probably hard, but let me take control here”

Forcing out all of the remaining air inside your lungs, you did as he asked. Instead of keeping your focus on the ice under your feet, you kept them in Jeonghan's face. A mistake, of course. 

His eyes were too intense if you could say that. You didn't want to understand what was happening. Perhaps for the first time since you met Jeonghan, you didn't want to understand what it could mean. You were scared. What, exactly, you weren’t sure.

“I didn’t even have to ask you to look at me,” he said and you laughed a little, automatically looking away “Keep looking at me”

The whole experience of skating for the first time, or being guided, was not being registered by your brain. All you could see, think, feel, was Jeonghan, as if he had become a central point of everything.

“I think we should stop here”

You hoped your voice was loud enough and judging by the look on Jeonghan's face, it was. The smile fell from his lips and it was as if a small light in his eyes had gone out.

You hated that you were the one causing that reaction in him, but you knew it was best to stop everything before it went too far.

"I thought that…"

“We can’t blur the lines that much” you shook your head.

You didn't know exactly who you were trying to convince, him or you. You also weren't sure you had to convince yourself of anything. It was as if your brain had split in two. One part, probably the loudest, wanted you to just let things happen. You knew you weren't doing anything wrong, you weren't doing anything much really. What you did outside of your working hours and who you did it with was your problem and no one else's.

But the other part, one that spoke softly and that should have had much less strength, said it was dangerous, but also didn't offer much reason to be dangerous.

Yet somehow, that was the side you chose to listen to.

"Why?" He asked forcing his feet to the ground, making the two of you stand in the center of the rink. “What line are we blurring?”

You shook your head, hands clinging to his waist as you felt your feet begin to slide.

“I don’t know” you whispered in response “We are working”

Jeonghan leaned forward and pressed his lips to your cheek. With a sigh, he let his forehead fall onto your shoulder and closed his eyes.

You didn't know exactly where your skepticism came from, but you were also sure it wasn't completely unfounded. But truth be told, you wanted to blur that line and any others that might appear along the way.

“Go on a date with me,” he said “If you still feel that way, there’s nothing we can do. Just don’t… don’t stop something that hasn’t even started yet”

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[authorred]

Die With A Smile | Li Shen/Zayne x gn!Reader | Love and Deepspace

➺ Preface: After a particularly bad run-in with a wanderer, you're left essentially dying on site. You know this will not bode over well for a certain doctor-friend of yours, so you force yourself up and onwards. Both you and Zayne have to reconcile the fact that you almost died without seeing each other for almost a month.

➺ I know I already posted a song-fic for this song but goddammit I keep seeing edits for this shit on my fyp and I love this song so mf much that I can't myself ( I also have an unhealthy obsession with Zayne ).

Maybe I'll do a Sylus version??? However the hell I'll do that.

→ Song

Warning(s): Mentions of extensive wounds, blood

Oh god, Zayne is going to kill me.

Your skin is warm and sticky; a disconcerting feeling. What remains of your clothes is glued to your skin in blood and sweat, most of it yours. You don't know why, but for some reason, Wanderers love to dick with you as if you're a hot commodity. You were just trying to do your job as a Deepspace Hunter, which you succeeded at technically, but, now your injuries are catching up to you.

You're starting to feel lightheaded and stumbling on your feet. You don't know if you've broken any bones, but all you know is that every part of your body hurts and trying to blink takes all of your energy.

Goddammit, if Zayne sees me he's going to be so mad. Or sad. Or both. I didn't even text him today--I should've texted him.

You stumble from the remains of where the protocore field emerged. You can feel the warmth of your blood spilling down your leg and flooding your boots. It’s an absolutely unnerving sensation. You have to find a way to the hospital. You need to get help. You can’t die. Not like this. Not before you see Zayne.

~

You were going to kill him. No, not kill, perhaps that’s too far. But you were going to scold him, chastise him like a worried mother. Zayne has been pushing himself again, not taking breaks or sleeping for more than five hours. He’s been using the on-call rooms in Akso or sleeping in his office. He doesn’t know why he does this. Perhaps he’s stressed because you haven’t texted him in several days and he’s unknowing to your severe injuries. It’s a way to cope. Because if he didn’t, he’d go mad.

So why.

Why?

Why is he staring at several paramedics rolling you into the hospital, covered in blood and unconscious? Is that what you’ve been doing all this time? Being reckless? Risking your life? Again?

He stands there, rooted to the linoleum, watching you be rolled into the OR for emergency surgery. He doesn’t know what’s wrong—eyeballing it he could tell you’re suffering from many lacerations. But what if there’s more? What if your heart is giving out?

It’s not until the hospital begins to settle again that he’s able to move. Swallowing thickly and moving like a ghost back to where he’s needed.

~

Hours pass—two hours, specifically. Zayne stands in your hospital room staring at your sleeping figure. Covered in bandages and bruises alike, his eyes are filled with trepidation belying fear and concern. The pain you must’ve went through to trek all the way to Akso Hospital—the amount of blood you lost. Too stubborn for your own good. He can’t linger, he has other duties to attend to. But he wants to—gods, he wants to.

Stepping up to the side of your bed, his hand reaches out. His fingertips brush against the palm of your hand, gently trailing them up your wrist and arm. Featherlight touches to prove you’re here, alive, breathing. His virescent eyes comb up and down your body. “How reckless,” he whispers. “And here I thought you were simply lost with no reception.”

No response, as he expected.

With a soft, almost imperceptible sigh, Zayne retracts his hand and places it back in his coat pocket. With one last lingering look, he turns and walks away from your hospital bed. He has work to finish, and you’re stabilized and alive. At least he’s assured in that regard. He can go on with the rest of his day without that aching, gnawing anxiety in his chest. It’s a relief, really.

~

When you wake up, you have no idea where you are at first. You’re completely disoriented and lost. You vaguely remember trying to navigate your way through a town on the outskirts of Linkon, and then after that, the memories are fuzzy.

You look to your side, your vision severely blurred. You can see a person sitting in the chair next to your bed, resting. You recognize the shape of their body immediately. “Zayne?” Comes your hoarse, weak voice. Even that’s enough to rouse him from his sleep—or maybe he wasn’t even fully asleep in the first place.

Zayne sits up straight when he sees you’re awake before standing. “Y/n,” he says, almost in surprise. “You’re awake. With the amount of sedatives in your body, you should still be asleep.”

“I can’t move my body,” you chuckle softly, but it sounds like a sad whimper instead. “Maybe that’s where they went. . .”

Zayne sighs at your attempt of jokes in your state. “Should I ask what happened this time?”

“I think you know.”

Zayne gazes down at you, his eyes slightly narrowed in worry. “You’re too reckless. Please, put some value on your life before we’re unable to fix you.”

“I know,” you reply softly. “But you don’t seem the best either. I can still see those dark circles even through my fucked up vision. You’ve been overworking again, haven’t you?”

Zayne shifts like a kid getting caught before looking away, “I take naps during the day so I can be productive at night. And I’ve been eating well and hydrating. Truly, it’s not that bad.”

“Those dark circles say otherwise.”

A moment passes before Zayne looks at you again. “You were too close this time,” he says. “Your life was in a precarious position. You’re lucky we had the personnel available.”

“I know,” you repeat. “I know. I—I’ll be honest, I didn’t think. . . I didn’t think I’d make it.”

Zayne’s expression drops suddenly, but he lets you talk.

“All I remember thinking is that I needed to get to a hospital, to get help, because if I didn’t, I’d regret it. Regret not texting you, seeing you. I wanted to see you one more time, at least.”

Zayne’s face twitches, and he resists the urge to reach out and touch you. You need space. Your body needs time to heal. “I see,” he replies softly. “Is that what gave you strength to crawl to the doors of the hospital?”

“Yes,” you nod softly. “At least, if I died here, I’d be near you. And that’s enough for me.”

Zayne doesn’t say anything immediately. “I would be. . . in pain if you died,” he says quietly, doing best to articulate his feelings without coming off as too much. “I would miss you greatly. Agonizingly.”

“Tomorrow is never promised,” you say, gazing at him with such affection and favor he feels lightheaded from holding your gaze. “But if I die—if I die next to you, with you. . . I wouldn’t change a thing. I would die happy and content. Knowing you’re there.”

Zayne swallows, his Adam’s Apple bobbing up and down under his black dress shirt. “I believe it would be best if we promised each other. . . to not push ourselves too far.”

You chuckle softly, “Maybe. But whatever the case, I’m just happy you’re here.”

You add, “And when the day comes I do die, I’ll gladly die with a smile if you’re with me.”

[saveyourblood]

Pretty Boy - Ch 12 (Buddie x Reader)

Summary: You can feel Buck staring. When your eyes meet his, you realize he’s staring at your hand, which is still on Eddie’s knee. You slowly retreat, which makes Buck turn his attention to your face. You smile softly. He just looks out the window. The one where you’re an advanced paramedic, Buck and Eddie are firefighters, and you think you might be in love with both of them.

Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 | Ch 4 | Ch 5 | Ch 6 | Ch 7 | Ch 8 | Ch 9 | Ch 10 | Ch 11

Chapter Summary: The three times you take care of Eddie without asking + the one time he asks you to

(partially NSFW)

Word Count: 4k Warnings: Smut (starts halfway through the '4th time')

The first time you help Eddie, it’s to get Christopher ready for school.

Eddie is trying his best to keep their morning routine normal, but considering he isn’t working and he’s an arm down, it’s a little difficult. It’s more than a little difficult, actually, and not just for Eddie.

Watching Eddie struggle with what’s normally an easy task pulls at your heartstrings. You see his eyebrows get closer together as he frowns in concentration and his jaw clench in frustration. For the most part, you try to let him figure out by himself. When he gets really frustrated, though, or when you start to feel your heart peel apart, you step in. He lets out an angry sigh before eventually thanking you under his breath.

The four of you are sitting at the kitchen table, eating breakfast. Well, the boys are eating breakfast, and you’re drinking coffee. You’ve never been too big on breakfast, but especially since joining the 118, you enjoy the feeling of sitting with people you love and having a meal together.

“Do you know how to double-knot your shoes?” Christopher asks no one in particular.

You’re sitting next to Christopher while the men sit across from you. You give Eddie a look, then Buck. They look equally confused.

You laugh softly, nudging Chris’s shoulder with yours. “I sure do, buddy. What makes you ask?”

“My friend Darren says when he double knots his shoes, they stay tied all day ,” Chris explains between bites of cereal. “My shoes never stay tied all day.”

“Well, it’s not that hard to learn,” Eddie returns. “I can sh-”

He cuts himself off, and your stomach sinks.

It’s been two weeks since the shooting, one week since Eddie’s been home. He has at least another two weeks with his arm in a sling, which as far as he’s concerned, is two more weeks of hell.

The worst part (to Eddie, at least) is that it isn’t like he can’t move his arm; he just isn’t supposed to. He goes to physical therapy three times a week, and all things considered, he has a good range of motion. The physical therapy is good for the orthopedic surgery but not so great for the vascular procedure. Moving is a fine line between making things better and worse, and it’s a line Eddie is tired of walking on.

Eddie runs his good hand down his face, his fingers lingering on his jaw. There’s a distant look in his eye. You can tell he’s trying to keep it together for his son, but inside, he’s absolutely losing it.

“It’s really easy,” you promise. “Hey, how about we go put on your shoes, and I’ll show you?”

With a grin, Christopher pushes his chair out from the table and hurries towards the front door. You stand to follow him, but before you do, you give Buck a look.

He’s better at dealing with these situations. It’s one thing for you to tell Eddie everything will return to normal, but it means more when it’s coming from Buck because he’s been there . Buck was in a devastating accident at work, one that stole a limb from him for longer than imaginable. He knows the joy of the triumphs and the devastation of the lows better than you ever hope to. Where you brush things off and assure Eddie it’s not a big deal, Buck acknowledges how much it sucks. You both remind him it’s temporary.

You sit next to Christopher in front of the door. He’s slipped into both shoes already, tying the left one first. His eyebrow furrows in concentration, and you can’t help but notice how much he looks like his father. You smile.

When you hear Eddie and Buck start to talk, you turn your head to the kitchen.

“Look, I get it,” you hear Buck tell Eddie in a low voice. “One day, you’re running into buildings and climbing up Ferris wheels, and the next, you can barely put your own clothes on.”

“I should be able to teach my kid how to tie his own shoes.”

“He already knows how to tie his shoes, Eddie.”

“You know that’s not what I mean.”

You look back at Christopher, who’s finishing up tying his right shoe. You grin. “Alright, are you ready for this?”

He nods enthusiastically.

“It’s really simple,” you repeat, taking the loops of the laces in either hand. “You just cross them over, tuck one under, and pull it tight. It’s like tying your shoes twice. Wanna try?”

Chris reaches for his laces again.

“Like this?” Chris asks.

You give the bunny ears an extra tug for good measure before nodding your head. “Yeah, just like that. Good job.”

Buck clears his throat. “When I had my accident, I had to watch my girlfriend of two days move my mattress down the stairs because I couldn’t walk up them. It’s not easy, but it’s not forever, either.”

The second time you help Eddie, it’s with his hair.

He woke up with some gnarly bedhead that, evidently, is untamable; you’re spending the morning laying in bed lazily, and for the last 20 minutes, you’ve caught glimpses of Eddie in the master bathroom, combing his hair and making annoyed sounds.

By the time you approach the bathroom door, he’s throwing the comb in the sink out of frustration.

You raise your eyebrows. “What’s going on?”

“This one piece won’t move , no matter what I do,” Eddie says, gesturing to his head.

Most of his hair is slicked back with gel, firmly holding it in neat lines. However, one strand at the front refuses to cooperate and instead sticks straight up.

Three words immediately come to mind. They’re three words you’ve grown so used to saying over the last month. They’re three words that Eddie has grown infinitely tired of hearing.

“Can I help?”

Eddie let a sigh out through his nose.

It’s not about his hair. You both know that the most exciting thing going on today is a trip to the grocery store. He isn’t trying to make himself look good — he’s trying to make himself feel good. He’s trying to perform a menial task that, under normal circumstances, he does every day. And not being able to do it makes his attempt to feel good actually make him feel like shit.

Eventually, Eddie shrugs. “Go for it.”

You reach up and attempt to push back the strand gently. It stands straight up again, unwavering. You take a closer look and see that the roots of Eddie’s hair are a little shinier than normal.

You frown. “When’s the last time you washed your hair?”

His cheeks start to flush. “I try to every time I shower, but my hair has never been this long, and it’s hard to do with one hand.”

“Hmm,” you hum. You’ve moved on to simply running your hand over the rest of his hair. “I have an idea.”

You turn to the shower, which is a tub and shower combo. You reach down and plug the drain, then adjust the nobs until perfectly warm water rushes out of the nozzle.

Eddie frowns. “You’re gonna take a bath? That’s your idea?”

You laugh. “No, you’re gonna take a bath, and I’m gonna wash your hair.”

Eddie gives you an incredulous look. “What?”

“You heard me,” you said, pulling some of Buck’s fancy shampoo and conditioner out of a cupboard.

“Look, I appreciate everything you and Buck are doing, but you don’t have to —”

“Do you remember it?” You interrupt.

“Remember what?”

“The shooting. Do you remember?”

“Uh, bits and pieces,” Eddie says. “I remember the pain, and the back of the rig. The rest of it is either a blur or just… black.”

You set your hands on his shoulders. “We remember, okay? Buck and I… we remember every second of it. And we felt so helpless.”

You feel his shoulders sink. You move your hands to his neck. You pull him closer until your foreheads touch and you’re breathing the same air.

“We love you,” you whisper.

Eddie kisses you for the first time. He tastes like the mint toothpaste he used this morning, but there’s something familiar beyond that. There’s something so familiar about the way his tongue touches yours and the way his lips are a little chapped. It’s so warm and welcoming and unmistakably Eddie that you start to wonder why you haven’t been kissing him this whole time.

“We want to take care of you,” you whisper when you finally pull away. “Please, let me take care of you.”

When the bath is full of water, you help Eddie take his shirt off so that he can bend his arm as little as possible. He slides out of his sweatpants with ease, leaving his briefs on. You don’t say anything as he spins around on the tub's ledge, submerging his legs before slowly sinking the rest of his body into the water. It’s impossible to miss the breath of relief he lets out as he leans back into the porcelain.

You use the handheld spout to dampen his hair, slowly running your fingers through it to ensure you don’t miss a spot. When you can’t feel any dry spots, you trade the spout for the shampoo bottle, pouring some into your hands before rubbing them together. After making a decent lather, you run your hands through Eddie’s hair.

You can feel him relax into your touch. You use the tips of your fingers to create a nice lather on his scalp. After a moment, you hear him make a soft sound, like a happy hum. It brings a smile to your face.

After rinsing out his hair, you run a hand through his hair for a final time, setting the other hand on his shoulder. Eddie reaches up and takes your hand. You move it towards his chest, letting him grip your arm and lean into the touch.

The third time you help Eddie, it’s with an idea.

The three of you are navigating your relationship without much discussion, probably because it feels so effortless. You aren’t surprised when Eddie leans his head against your shoulder or when you see Buck place a hand on Eddie’s thigh under the table.

The three of you are on the couch, watching a movie. Buck has his arm around your shoulders while Eddie’s head rests in your lap. Buck lazily cards his fingers through Eddie’s hair as you stroke his cheek with your thumb. You frown, noticing how rough it is.

“You didn’t shave this morning?” You ask, looking down in your lap.

“I did,” Eddie says, eyes still fixed on the TV. “It’s the damn electric razor; it doesn’t get close enough.”

Eddie’s been out of the sling for a few weeks now, but he definitely isn’t at 100% yet. He can use his dominant hand more freely now, but repetitive tasks make his hand twitch and his shoulder spasm. The physical therapist says it will improve with practice and time, but Eddie has to make some adjustments for now. One of those adjustments includes swapping his normal straight razor for an electric one, which doesn’t sound like a big deal. However, it’s only 10 pm, and Eddie, a normally clean-shaven man, already has stubble.

You continue tracing your thumb over his face thoughtfully. “Maybe Buck could give you a shave.”

Both of their eyes move to you.

“Why me?” Buck asks. He doesn’t sound annoyed or opposed; he's just curious.

“I would, but I don’t have much experience shaving faces,” you explain.

Buck nods. He moves his arm from your shoulders to across the back of the couch, using it as leverage to push himself up and lean over Eddie’s face.

“What do you think?” Buck asks, his gaze bouncing between Eddie’s eyes and lips.

Eddie smiles. It’s a specific smile — his eyes close, and one corner of his mouth raises higher than the other. You’ve only seen the expression over the last two months of living with Eddie. He probably doesn’t even realize it’s a smile he reserves for you and Buck only.

You’re sitting on the closed toilet seat, one leg crossed over the other as you simply watch.

Eddie’s sitting in a chair from the kitchen that Buck moved to in front of the bathroom sink. Every movement Buck makes is methodical, from how everything is laid out to how he applies the shaving cream to Eddie’s face.

Buck picks up the razor and turns around. He puts his legs on either side of Eddie’s, squatting his legs so he’s more level with the other man’s face.

“Ready?” Buck asks.

Eddie puts his hands on Buck’s thighs, running his hands up and down. “Ready.”

Buck shaves a stripe down Eddie’s face from his sideburn to his jaw. Eddie tilts his head back, exposing his neck. Buck’s motions continue to be calculated, careful not to push too hard or go over the same area twice.

The entire time Buck works, Eddie explores his body with his hands. Considering how Buck’s tongue is caught between his teeth and his eyebrows are knitted in concentration, you wonder if he even notices… but you do. You see Eddie’s hands go from Buck’s thighs to his waist to his chest. You also notice that Buck is no longer hovering above Eddie but is now completely sitting in his lap.

When Buck is finished, he gently rubs a damp cloth over Eddie’s face, clearing it of any remaining shaving cream. He then tosses the rag in the sink behind him and instead uses his hands, making sure he didn’t miss a spot.

“Looks good,” Buck murmurs as he inspects his work.

Eddie moves his hands to Buck’s biceps. “Feels good.”

A dopey smile crosses Buck’s face. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Eddie promises, returning the smile. “Thank you.”

Buck kisses him.

The fourth time you help Eddie, he asks for it.

You’re lying in bed, scrolling on your phone before you turn in for the night. Eddie is beside you, trying to get comfortable. No matter the position, he just can’t seem to get comfortable; every few seconds, he’s either turning or letting out an annoyed sigh.

You sit up, flipping on the bedside lamp and setting your phone beside it.

“Sorry,” Eddie says immediately. “It’s my shoulder. It’s been bugging me all day.”

“It’s fine,” you assure. “Did you take anything earlier?”

“I’m trying not to,” Eddie says as he sits up, rocking his neck with a wince.

“Did you at least take Tylenol or Advil?”

Eddie rolls his shoulder, avoiding your eyeline.

“ Eddie.”

“I’m sick of taking pills every day,” he replies.

“Okay, I understand not wanting to take the Oxy or Vicodin, but you need something ,” you say, getting out of bed.

“But I shouldn’t!” Eddie retorts. “I shouldn’t need to take something just to feel normal.”

You’re in the bathroom, opening the medicine cabinet. You grab a bottle of Tylenol, dumping two pills into your hand. You notice that right next to it is a container of magnesium muscle rub; you’ve seen Buck use it after he works out a little too hard. You pick it up and return to the bedroom.

Eddie’s waiting for you propped up on his good shoulder.

“Put out your hand,” you demand.

He sighs but listens. He downs the pills and chases them with some water in a glass on his end table.

“You got shot, Eddie: you’re gonna need pills to feel normal for a while,” you say as you get back into bed. “Shit, I still have to take meds for my ribs sometimes, and that was almost 6 months ago.”

Eddie frowns. “You do? You’ve never mentioned it.”

You shrug. “It’s just part of my life now. I can’t change it, so I might as well do something to fix it.”

“It still sucks.”

“I never said it didn’t,” you reply, the semblance of a smile crossing your lips.

Eddie reaches up to his shoulder, forcefully working the muscle between his fingers. He winces as he does it, eyes screwing shut and lip curling up.

“Let me,” you interject, gently pushing away his hand.

Eddie stares at you for a moment. He wants to protest — you can just tell. Over the weeks, though, he’s gotten better at accepting help where you and Buck offer it, especially now that he’s becoming more independent.

You reach towards your nightstand, where you set the muscle rub. “Take off your shirt.”

Eddie snorts. “You first.”

You swat his arm before showing him the container. “Buck swears by this stuff.”

Eddie complies, grabbing the neck of his shirt and pulling it over his head. Your eyes are immediately drawn to the surgical scar on his shoulder blade. It’s a long, thick line, still pink from its freshness. The one on his chest isn’t much better, puckered and angry-looking from where the bullet entered. Your heart skips a beat every time you see the markings.

You open the container of muscle rub, and the strong smell of menthol greets your nostrils. You pick up a small amount with your finger because, judging by the smell, less is more with this stuff. You warm the product between your hands before gently placing them on Eddie’s shoulder.

You stay away from the scar and instead work on the surrounding muscle. You slowly push into his skin using your thumbs before dragging your touch over the taught muscle. You can feel the rest of his body tense at the contact.

You kiss the back of his neck, letting your lips linger over his skin. “Breathe.”

He listens, a long breath leaving his lungs at your command. As he exhales, you feel his body relax beneath your touch.

You continue, working your thumbs a little deeper. You can feel the taught muscle slowly loosening with each pass. Eddie grunts With each initial stroke, but as you work your way outwards, it becomes more of a moan.

“How are you so good at this?” he asks breathlessly.

“She had a lot of practice,” Buck says from the doorway.

You didn’t hear him come in, so you smile upon seeing him. He’s leaning a shoulder against the doorframe, legs crossed and hands in his pockets. He’s in an LAFD navy t-shirt and a pair of grey sweats. He must’ve showered at the station.

You briefly press your nose into the space behind Eddie’s ear. “I did this for Buck when he hurt his leg.”

You keep working at Eddie’s shoulder, and he’s becoming putty in your hands. You get up to the muscle between his shoulder and neck, and his breath hitches. When you press your fingers and move them outwards, Eddie leans his head back onto your shoulder. As you finish the stroke, you can feel his legs start to shake against yours.

“Jesus,” he whispers at the ceiling.

Buck is still in the doorway, but his posture shifts. You notice that the fabric around his crotch is tighter.

You smirk, turning your lips against Eddie’s ear. “I think he’s jealous.”

Eddie barely registers what you said, but Buck uses it as an invitation. He approaches the bed's edge, placing a gentle hand on Eddie’s chest. At this, Eddie straightens his head.

Buck looks at you, moving his hand up to Eddie’s neck. “You’re not the only one who likes taking care of him.”

You snake a hand around to Eddie’s front, palming his dick over his shorts. He gasps in surprise, his back arching up off of your chest. You use your other hand to press him against you again gently.

“You want us to take care of you, Eddie?” You ask, taking his earlobe between your teeth.

He nods vigorously.

Buck’s fingers reach under the waistband of Eddie’s shorts. “I wanna hear you say it.”

“I… I want it.”

Buck tuts, leaving his hands where they are. “What do you want, Eddie?”

“I want… fuck…”

You trace one hand over his chest while the other rubs circles on his stomach.

Buck pulls off Eddie’s shorts, leaving his underwear. He positions himself between Eddie’s legs, licking a stripe over his clothed, hardening cock. Eddie whimpers and throws his head back on your shoulder.

You nip at Eddie’s jaw, a grin clad on your face. “He won’t do anything until you use your words: trust me.”

Eddie’s hands rub up and down your legs on either side of him. “I want you to take care of me. Both of you.”

Buck slides off Eddie’s underwear, his half-hard dick bouncing back against his stomach. Buck takes it into his hand, and the sound Eddie makes sends a warm chill through your body.

“You are so goddamn stubborn,” Buck chastizes as he picks up the pace. “It drives me fucking crazy sometimes.”

“I’m… sorry,” Eddie whines out between ragged breaths.

“Oh, you hear that, babe?” Buck asks, looking at you. “He’s sorry.”

“He should be,” you hum, kissing Eddie’s shoulder.

Buck leans up and kisses you over Eddie’s shoulder as he continues working the other man in his hand. Between your tongues colliding and the short whimpers Eddie lets out, you can feel yourself getting wet with arousal. You remind yourself it isn’t about you — this is about Eddie.

Buck moves his mouth to in between Eddie’s legs. He peppers some kisses to Eddie’s inner thighs, each of which makes his muscles ripple in anticipation. You see Eddie’s hand reach out to Buck, and you quickly grab it.

“We’re doing all the work,” you say into his ear.

You feel Eddie shake as a chill runs down his spine. He doesn’t try lifting his hand again.

Buck takes Eddie into his mouth. He’s going purposefully slow, savoring the moan Eddie lets out. Eddie’s hips rock up, desperate for more sensation. You plant your fingers over his hip bones, holding him firmly in place.

“Feels good?” You ask innocently.

Eddie isn’t small, but Buck isn’t a quitter, so he moves his head forward until his perfect pink lips are flush with Eddie’s pelvis. He looks up at you both through his lashes, and you feel another wave of arousal wash over your body. It makes your skin tingle and forms a warm knot in your stomach.

Buck starts bobbing his head, working his mouth up and down Eddie’s shaft. You pin Eddie’s hands between your legs, and you’re still holding his hips in place. Eddie whimpers desperately and lulls his head in a few different directions, taking advantage of the little motion he can make.

“Do you want to cum, Eddie?” You ask, voice gravelly.

Eddie nods, eyes shut and eyebrows taut.

Buck comes off most of Eddie’s length, keeping only the head of his cock in his mouth. This makes Eddie whine, and the muscles in his stomach tense in protest.

“You have to say it,” you remind, kissing his shoulder.

“I… I want to cum,” Eddie whispers. “Ah, fuck, please… please let me cum.”

Buck continues working his mouth up and down Eddie’s cock. He adds a hand, keeping the movements rhythmic. Eddie’s breathing picks up as his legs start to shake.

“Let us take care of you,” you encourage, moving your hands to rub them up and down Eddie’s arms. “We’ve got you.”

You don’t see Eddie’s orgasm, but you feel it. His back relaxes against you completely as his hips jut forward. His legs stop shaking, the muscles now rippling under Buck’s hands. His head is perched on your shoulder, his mouth open and panting.

Buck finally comes up for air, a string of fluid momentarily keeping his mouth and Eddie’s dick connected. He wipes his mouth with the pad of his thumb with a smirk. It’s the same look he gives you after he goes down on you.

Your hands trace Eddie’s body aimlessly, eventually settling on his ribcage. Buck runs a hand over your hair and down your neck.

You smile. “My pretty boys."

[fbfh]

busy busy busy (but never too busy for you) - dad!tony + stark!reader

wc: 1.5k

pairing: dad!tony + (gn) stark!reader

genre: minor hurt/mostly comfort

warnings: needing to spend time with your parent, crying, emotional comfort, if you have daddy issues this one's gonna hurt lol

summary: after traveling with your dad on business, you find yourself missing spending time with him. Tony can't have that, of course.

song rec: walking the wire - imagine dragons

a/n: first fic finished post top surgery!!!!!!! the next few weeks posts will probs be shorter until I finish chapter 1 of the next multichapter fic lol. Also if I didn't say it recently I love you guys, thank you so much for all your love and support <333 PS if you need more personalized dad!tony.... character.ai works well for that lmao

tags @afidiofobia @lizziebitch33 @hopefullhearts @thatawkwardlittlefangirl  @dustyinkpages  @inthehoneymoonwithconnorrk800 @liberty-barnes @followingthefanfiction @youkissedareaderinthedark @girlfriendwhoseawitch @mrscarolscaramoucheplease

You climb into the car, settling into the plush leather seat as Happy closes the door next to you. You set down your bag and try to get your seatbelt buckled while your dad sits next to you, wrapping up a phone call. 

“No, no. I don’t care. I said-” He stops, listening to someone on the other end for a moment. He’s clearly annoyed. He’s had to deal with people simultaneously trying to kiss his ass and tell him what to do all week, and you can tell he’s getting tired of it. 

“Throw as many conferences as you want, they’ll all be Stark-less. Throw a whole party, while you’re at it- you know what? No, don’t do that. I might actually show up to that.” He mutters the last part, something that would normally make you laugh. He glances over at you, but you’re still fussing with your seatbelt. 

“Alright, how about this. I’ll refer you to Stark Industries CEO, Pepper Potts.” The person on the other end is already objecting, but your dad couldn’t care less at this point. He’s said what he needed to say, and this idiot doesn’t want to listen. He continues to wrap up this disastrous phone call as the car pulls into the street, and starts driving you to the airport. 

“She’ll help you get this sorted out.” 

He hangs up without saying goodbye, then looks over at you. As soon as he does, he knows something’s wrong. You’re not yourself. You’re staring at the bottom of the seat in front of you instead of out the window, or going on your phone. Usually you can’t wait for him to finish business calls, sometimes texting him in the middle of them - texts he’s always happy to receive. You’ve rescued him from pointless conference calls with those texts more times than he can count. You always have something to tell him or update him on, whether that be the latest social media drama, friend group drama, the show you’re watching on Netflix, or even Avengers memes you find online. You always have something delightful you’re excited to share with him without even having to try, and it lights up his day each time. Except now, with you staring into space. 

He hands you the coffee he got you, taking his out of the cardboard holder that had been resting on his lap until now. You look over briefly, accepting the drink. 

“Thanks,” you say lightly, but there’s something in your tone that tips him off. 

“You okay, kid?”

You pause sipping your drink, wondering how he figured you out so fast. He’s your dad, you suppose. That’s kind of his job. You thought you’d been doing an okay job at masking the hollow sadness that’s been eroding you from the inside out all weekend. It doesn’t happen too often, and you tried everything you could to distract yourself until it stopped working. Until now. 

“Is it school? Boys? Girls?” He asks when you don’t answer right away. There’s a note of humor to his voice, but there’s also a sincerity, and you know that even if it was school or boys or girls that he would help you through it. “C’mon, you gotta keep your old man up to date on all the tea. The hot goss.”  

You let out a weepy chuckle, tracing the lid of your drink. He’s always the first to know when your Starbucks order changes, and he always knows exactly the perfect drink to get you without even having to ask. It’s a little thing, but it makes you feel even worse. You’ve spent the whole weekend trying to ignore how much you’ve been missing your dad, missing spending one on one time with him that’s not in between meetings or over a late dinner. He works so hard, and he has so much on his plate, but he always makes time for you. 

That’s why he started taking you along on business trips like this, because you both hated being away from each other. Usually it’s fine, usually you’re off exploring whatever city you’re in, going shopping, or generally finding somewhat entertaining ways to pass the time that you can tell him about next time you catch up. It’s usually really fun, too. It’s just when it gets busy like this, you think, when he has all these meetings and you have all your stuff that you’re juggling that you start to get like this. 

“No, no,” you say softly, rubbing the bottom of your eyes when they start to get misty. “Nothing like that…” 

Tony listens intently in the silence that follows, waiting to see if you have more to share with him. The smell of his cologne is paternal and comforting, a familiar reassurance that floats around him and feels like a hug.

“I just miss you, I guess…” you start, speaking your mind before you can even think. Your dad has that effect on you, it’s so easy to share how you feel and what you’re excited for or worried about that it feels automatic sometimes, like it’s impossible not to. Tony feels his heart break as he realizes what a toll all the recent traveling has taken on you, both of you. He pulls you in for a tight hug. You feel the tears you’ve been fighting start to spill, Tony rubs your back reassuringly and it finally feels safe enough to. 

He tries not to dwell on the fact that you got to feel like this in the first place, tries not to let that voice tell him he should have noticed how you felt sooner, that he’s a terrible dad, because he knows inside that he’s not. He’s not his father, and he sure as hell won’t make those mistakes. He could let himself worry about how he’s doing with you, let it keep him up at night - hell, it still does some nights, even when he doesn’t want it to. It’s been that way with you since he became your dad. Instead of worrying about that, he does what he does best. He takes action. 

“You are such a sweet kid.” He states, pressing a kiss on your forehead when you pull away. He brushes away the tears spilling down your cheeks. “Unfortunately, sometimes being a genius-billionaire-superhero-superdad requires some meetings and boring stuff. But don’t think I forgot about the most important part of that.” 

The dad part. He doesn’t even have to say it, you both know that’s where he’s going with this. You nod along, sighing as your breathing starts to slow back down. 

“But you’re right. It has gotten to be too much lately.” 

He reaches into the small mini fridge sitting between the driver’s and passenger seats, crisply cold and stocked with both your favorite drinks. He grabs a water bottle, opening it and handing it to you. 

“How about this? We’ll spend the whole plane ride back watching movies together - or that show you were telling me about, the one with- god, what’s his name…” He tries to remember the name of that actor you’ve been talking about the last few days, and you chuckle, supplying the answer. He snaps his fingers in recognition, repeating it back to you.

“Yes. That’s the one. We’ll watch all those movies, and you brainstorm what we’re going to do this weekend. Dream big, kid. I’ll have Pepper help you organize the whole thing.” 

Your eyes widen in excitement, and you hug him tightly again. 

“Thanks, dad.” You smile. You really are both long overdue for some quality time together, and Tony knows if he has to attend one more meeting, he’s going to lose his mind. The cave he built his first arc reactor in was more interesting than some of the people he’s spoken to recently. 

“I love you, kid.” 

He looks at you fondly for a moment, basking in pride at what a wonderful, amazing person you’ve become. It’s not time for him to get all sappy on you with the dad stuff, not quite yet, so before he can, he grabs a fluffy throw blanket and spreads it across you. 

“Now, we’ve got a big weekend ahead of us, so get some shut eye. I’ll wake you when we get to the airport.” 

Right before you start to doze off, you hear him on the phone with Pepper, filling her in on the plan. 

“Alright, so they’ve got about 25 more minutes of Stark business time, then I’m off the grid till monday.” Pepper says something about how they’re not going to like that, and Tony laughs, glancing over at you sleeping peacefully. “They don’t have to.” 

[repulsiveliquidation]

If I have to ask, I don’t want it.

Alexia Putellas x Reader [ANGST.]

Years into married life, Alexia gets bored of you. Based on a quote from Frida Kahlo.

//

I’m not asking you to kiss me, nor apologize to me when I think you’re wrong.

“Where the hell were you?” you ask Alexia, confronting her after she walks into the house way past midnight. It’s four hours past she promised to be home, having gone out with the girls for a drink after training. You were home all day waiting for her but she sounded like she needed some time to relax after being cooped up at home from her surgery so you told her to have fun and sorted yourself out. She had promised to only be an hour or two, but it turned into six hours without even a phone call or text.

“Don’t start with me, I’m not in the fucking mood for one of your lectures,” she growls, throwing her bag down and walking into the house without even a glance at you. Your eyes fill with tears, hands clenched into tight fists by your side as she slams the bedroom door behind her.

You follow her, tears flowing down your face. She’s in the bathroom brushing her teeth, rolling her eyes when she sees your crying state in the doorway.

“What does that mean?” you ask her, arms crossed before wiping away your tears.

“I wanted to drink, it’s none of your business what I do.”

“You promised me you’d be home by 8.”

“I’d rather be out with them than stuck at home with you.”

//

I won’t even ask you to hug me when I need it most.

Tears rolled down your cheeks when the doctors told you you couldn’t have children. Your heart shattered into a million pieces when he uttered those words to you and your wife. Alexia looked almost distant, you figured that she was simply devastated by the news and didn’t know how to process it. The moment you got home though, she had lots to say.

“You’re telling me you didn’t fucking know?” she yelled the moment the front door closed.

“Ale, I’ve never had problems before! I-”

“Save it. You know I wanted to start a family and now you fuck things up.”

“Ale, I’m sorry…I’m so so sorry,” you tell her, moving closer to her. you reach out for her hand but she flinches away.

“Save your apologies for someone who cares.”

//

I don’t ask you to tell me how beautiful I am, even if it’s a lie, nor write me anything beautiful.

You’re at an award ceremony with Alexia, she’s sat at the table chatting away with Aitana while you are backstage waiting to receive an award. The beige dress you had on matched Alexia’s suit, there were many compliments hurled your way the entire night. One person hadn’t said anything to you yet, not one compliment from the person that mattered the most to you. Even if you knew that you didn’t come close to being hers.

“She looks stunning in that dress, doesn’t she?” Aitana compliments you as you walk out on stage. Alexia is on her phone, texting someone who’s clearly more interesting than her wife receiving an award on stage.

Aitana slaps her arm, getting more and more annoyed at her friend.

“What?” Alexia says angrily, Aitana just rolls her eyes.

“Alexia. She’s looking at you.”

Alexia looks up at the stage just in time to hear you thanking her for being her beautiful wife and for sticking with her through all the rough patches throughout your career. She forced a smile, knowing that there was surely a camera on her.

You know her well, and that itself hurts because it’s when you walk off stage and you see her smiling at her phone that you know you’ve lost her.

//

I won't even ask you to call me to tell me how your day went, nor tell me you miss me.

Three days. It’s been three days since you last heard from Alexia. You were both on international duty, the England camp was going smoothly when Sarina called for a quick break. You sit beside Leah and go on your phone, hoping to see if Alexia has texted you. Nothing. Your shoulders slump a little and your best friend notices, a look of concern across her face.

“What’s up?” Leah asks, genuinely curious.

“Nothing, it’s,” you contemplate telling her. telling her that you know Alexia is seeing someone else. Loving someone else. Kissing someone else. Fucking someone else. But you hold your tongue. You force a smile like you’ve seen Alexia do in front of you lately, hoping it’s enough to convince your best friend. She doesn’t buy it but knows not to pry, especially when she can see that you’re hurting.

“It’s nothing.”

//

I won’t ask you to thank me for everything I do for you, nor care about me when my soul is down.

“Dinner’s on the table,” you tell Alexia as she walks into the kitchen. You look up to see her all dressed and ready to go out, your expression changes to one of sadness.

“You go ahead,” she says, grabbing her car keys. “I’m meeting someone for dinner.”

“Is it the woman you’re always texting?” you ask quietly, back turned to her. You were a coward, your mind told you; you couldn’t even bear to see the expression of pure surprise on her face that quickly turned into one that was serious.

“I am texting no one,” the front door opens, “Don’t stay up.”

//

I won’t ask you to support me in my decisions.

Having requested to be loaned for the rest of the season, you were excited to see what clubs would want to have you for a while. Arsenal had always been interested in you, having played alongside Leah in the academy when you were younger. So when their legal team got into negotiations with Barça, you immediately agreed.

Things at home hadn’t at all improved, you figured that some time apart would be good for you both.

“Can I speak with you for a second?” you sheepishly ask Alexia who was sitting in the living room on her laptop working away.

She doesn’t even look up at you, nodding her head for you to continue.

“I’m moving to Arsenal for the rest of the season.”

“Why?” she asks with a sharp tone, eyes narrowing in an accusatory fashion.

“They don’t need me here at Barça, besides, it’s not like you need me either.”

“So your solution when we’re having issues is to run away to England? You’ve always thought about yourself and not the team.”

“Don’t you dare say that, I have given this team my everything.”

“And yet here you are, throwing it away because you’re mad at me!”

“Who the hell says I’m doing this for you?” she looks taken aback when you raise your voice. You rarely did, and it takes her by surprise.

“I am doing this for us. You can’t even LOOK at me without looking like you’re disgusted by me. I am going, whether you fucking approve or not.”

//

I won’t even ask you to listen to me when I have a thousand stories to tell you.

“She’s having the time of her life there! Did you see that goal she scored over the weekend, that’s goal of the year material no?” Patri talks to Lucy and Ona about you, the girls missing you, and having spent the weekend bonding and watching your game against Watford.

“Sí, it was perfect. She is thriving at Arsenal, but I hope they give her back!” Ona says with a light chuckle, leaning into Lucy’s side in the locker room after training.

Alexia walks in, Patri yelling at her to join in on the conversation. It was her wife they were talking about anyway.

“Did you talk to your wife at all today? She called me last night and said that she misses you.” Lucy tells her, watching the captain sit in her cubby and undo her shoes. Alexia shakes her head, immediately getting on her phone.

“No, I didn’t have time last night. I’ll text her.”

“What could you possibly be doing except sulking when she’s not at home? You didn’t have a drink with us either, quite frankly you seemed eager to leave after watching the game yesterday.”

“What I do or where I go is none of your fucking business,” Alexia stands and walks across the room to them. She shakes with rage, eyes filled with pure anger at the insinuation of her being unfaithful. She was, but the thought of her friends finding out that she was doing this to you ate at her. You were perfect in their eyes, the person who would be there for anyone, no matter what. And there she was, being the very thing she promised never to do to you the day you got married.

//

I won’t ask you to do anything, not even be my side forever.

Divorce. That was where your marriage was headed. As you sat in your lawyer's office drawing up the documents, you were devastated. Pictures of Alexia with another woman surfaced just before you got home for Christmas. The plane ride was the worst 2 hours of your life. Alexia and you were through. She hadn’t loved you for a very long time but you had tried so hard to ignore it and convince yourself that it wasn’t true. Those pictures were a slap to your face.

She looked happy with her.

She looked content with her.

She looked in love.

You set the papers in front of her at lunch with the girls. They sat in silence as she read the stack, slowly realizing what you had just handed to her. She tried to get you to take them back and work things out but you firmly held your own.

You knew your worth.

You didn’t need her anymore.

You didn’t need to ask for her love ever again.

Because if I have to ask you, I don’t want it anymore.