#fighting isn't even always possible. but i've always struggled. i've always gone head-first into these things and white-knuckled it and made

[gentlethorns]

you know what? i'm gonna say it. i miss being seventeen. not for the "glory days," bc they weren't, by a country mile lol. if i had glory days i'd say they were in 2020. but i miss the electricity, the constant undercurrent of euphoria and deep plunging black. i miss the fight i had. i was literally known for being scrappy. i was self-destructive and coping poorly, but goddamn if i didn't burn bright and long. it took me until my twenties to finally start to fizzle out. does the candle with its wax melted down to the base of its glass cage miss when the wick was lit?

[captainsquality]

This post is one I have highly relevant experience to so.

OP IS RIGHT. IT IS NEVER FUCKING TOO LATE. I don't care how far gone you are, taking better care of yourself will ALWAYS have benefits. It will always help.

My dental health is in shambles, okay.

I'm 31 years old and I have partial dentures- they snap in like a retainer to replace the two lower molars I've lost and give me more surface to yknow. EAT with. and lessen the stress on my remaining natural teeth.

I WILL lose all my teeth eventually. This much is inevitable, and I will be dealing with that much, MUCH earlier in life than most other people who would.

DESPITE THIS, IMPROVING MY SELF CARE AND BRUSHING BETTER IS STILL NOT TOO-LITTLE-TOO-LATE.

Even with my situation, better brushing means my gums and mouth are healthier. It means that I am extending the life of my remaining natural teeth, and saving a LOT of money because I'm not having to worry about a ton of extractions etc all at once. Hell if I'm lucky, maybe I will be able to in that time save up for some implants, which will help preserve the integrity and shape of my jaw as a whole.

A big part of me even getting to this point at all is because for the first time in my life, at age like....25-26, I started seeing a dentist who did something other than just shame me and lecture me on better brushing and tell me I was childish and lazy for not doing it.

There is a tooth still in my head now, saved by this dentist, that my previous provider wanted to pull.

My current dentist doesn't sugarcoat my situation. She wants me to recognize the reality of where I am and what I'm going to face as time goes on. But she does it coming from a place of 'the reason you got here isn't because you're lazy and i can tell that just from talking to you for ten minutes.'

She knows I struggle with my self care to a torturous extent and she knows that mental and physical health, as well as financial constraints, have been a bigger obstacle for me than laziness or childishness ever have.

Her approaching me as an adult experiencing early dental crisis as a resulting symptom of trauma, chronic illness, disability and financial stress rather than 'ugh gross so lazy grow UP' has made it easier for me to seek her help when i Need it, and to put in the effort to take better care of myself in general.

There will be points of no return with some things when it comes to this. But starting to brush better is never a Too Late thing. I can't save my teeth in the long run, but I can take better care of them so that they will last as long as possible, and so that any major care I need for them will be spaced out- and therefore much more affordable.

There's so much stigma and shame put around dental self neglect specifically, and also in having bad teeth. And that makes overcoming the self neglect harder, not easier. Shame isn't the right motivator when it comes to self care or self love. It never has been and never will be.

Fight back against that.

You are not lazy, or childish. You are struggling in this area for a reason. You deserve to be taken seriously and treated kindly. By the people around you, by health professionals, but most importantly by yourself.

it's never too late to start brushing your teeth again. i basically never brushed my teeth for a whole 10 years. a decade. A DECADE. i still struggle to brush my teeth once a week, but it all started with brushing my teeth once every few months. so i mean it when i say brushing your teeth once a week, a month, a year, or even a decade, is better than nothing.

and still, nothing is not shameful. it is not immoral to struggle with self care. and it is also not pointless to keep trying. anything you can do, even if its wiping plaque off with a towel, is enough. it is good to take care of yourself however you can, even if it's just trying to muster the will to. reading this post is good, too.

i believe in you and i am proud of you, even in the smallest of steps. it's okay. you can give yourself grace.

[sakuraswordly]

Spoilers #Tsofph Season 11(Chapter3 The beginning of the miracle) Dark Gilgamesh Reborn.

Danny: That's right. Hurry, both Punch and Peter! PUNCH has turned dark. Once she captures Sonic, he will swallow him without mercy…!

Peter: (Please be all right, PUNCH!)

The sky turns into purple and black when Gilgamesh enter without warning.

Sonic: No..........Punch......

Sonic shocked that this gone to far for Vaten Hörmulegt: Gilgamesh’s curse.

*Thup Thup*

Shadow: Sonic......stay behind me....! Huh?!

*Boom*

Gilgamesh: I see.......you're here, Enkidu.

Enkidu: So you are now being controlled by Kujaku. Yeah. I don't have a reason to save you, unlike Peter. It was obvious that you'd come to kidnap Sonic when the time came. You've done it once before, so I'd be foolish not to keep an eye on him.

Gilgamesh's showing unhappiness. He shows undisguised hatred that would surprise anyone who knew his previous self.

Gilgamesh: That's so mean. You always make fun of me, Enkidu. Aren't you here to stop me like when you came intending to punish me once?

Enkidu: That’s right. I’m going to set your arrogance right again with my own hands.

Gilgamesh: You're absolutely hateful. Enkidu. Am I that bad of a person?

Enkidu: Of course. You're a big fool who gave up his chance to be saved the instant from them. You didn't trust the person that Punch and Peter wanted to protect.

Gilgamesh: ..........!!.............You're right. I was definitely like that until now........if I was strong enough......I shouldn't let myself corrupt like this.....corrupt by this curse......But Enkidu. I'm not weak anymore. You're the one who stays my way now. I'll protect Punch.

His cold stare, the emitting ominous shadow…

Enkidu: ---------------

Gilgamesh: Because I'm stronger now.

Enkidu hurrys to use his power to create the barrier as fast as possible but.....

Gilgamesh: Oh, you can't do that, my dear friend....It's dangerous if you stop there. This time I will torture you by real!

Gilgamesh points her hand at Enkidu without hesitation. There's no mercy. Gilgamesh smiles, enjoying the absolute dominance.

Gilgamesh: Fuhahahaha! Then I'll be having you now. I was looking forward to this. This will be the first time I've eaten magical energy from a tool like you.

The black shadow covers Enkidu. The gel-like mud tightly binds Enkidu's body, turning into numerous tongues to invade his magic weapons. Head down and chest heaving, Enkidu has no power to resist. He has no way to fight back, but------

Gilgamesh: Hahaha! This is amazing! I can't believe this is so fascinating!! But.........that won't do.....I can't let Enkidu fail so easily....I need to torture more.......because he's my dearest......friend that no one can replace him......!

Sonic: ------------

Sonic knew even darkness covered Gilgamesh's mind but Gilgamesh still tried to fight without losing his feelings and dearest memories. Gilgamesh struggles to attack Enkidu but suddenly....! Punch, Peter and Danny make it in time!

Punch & Peter: Punch------!!!!

Gilgamesh: Punch......! Peter.........?!

Shadow: Punch....!

Punch: Peter, go look for Enkidu!

Danny: C'mom, Peter!

Peter: (What's going on?! How could it become like this?!)

Gilgamesh gave a death stare to Peter making him chill.

Peter: Hold on, I'll have this off you in a minute…! Augh!

Danny: Peter....! (I tear away the mud that's covering Enkidu. The mud is gelatinous, but it's just like rubber. I can't grab it, and even if I pull it off of his body, it just bounces back onto him.)

Gilgamesh: It's useless, Peter my love. I'm the only one who can dispel my shadow. Someone as weak as you will be swallowed instead.

Gilgamesh speaks in a cold voice that Peter've never heard from. A chill runs down their back. No, this isn't just a chill. It's an intensely cold thorn as if a knife were slashed from their brain down to their waist.

Punch: Peter....! Hold on!

Punch hurries back to Peter and tries to heal him but without warning....

Gilgamesh: Why are you trying to protect him? Why won't you say anything? Why won't you scold me? You saw what happened to me, right?

Punch: No that's not-----

Gilgamesh: No, it is. You see, Punch. I've been crazy from beginning.

Punch shocked......Gilgamesh became a machine that can went around killing people, lives and even the world itself! He became stronger than Ea and the gate of Babylon.....! Even the gate of Babylon sealed off by Gilgamesh himself but.........

Punch, Peter and Danny: Pu-----Punch.

Gilgamesh: Yes. You were always like that. You said you'd protect me, but then you'd watch over everyone but me. But it's fine. I wanted you because you're that kind of a person, Peter, Danny.

Shadow: No.....that's....

Gilgamesh: Surely. It's painful for you to near me, right, Shadow? I know how much of a burden I am to you, Velevt and Syaoran. You'll continue to suffer as long you're with me. So I had to get away from you.

The shadow dances around. The ground is like a stage for a shadow picture.

Gilgamesh: But I can't. You're the only happiness I have. Peter, you can't get away from me. Because you can't betray yourself anymore.

Peter: ----------

Gilgamesh: *Sad face*……Yes. That's why I'll kill you. *Change to creepy smiles* Then you'll be with me forever, and most of all......you won't have to suffer anymore, right?

Suddenly someone take Punch, Peter and Danny to Sonic's side before attack by shadows.

Gilgamesh: Chester........!

Chester: I can't let you do that, Punch. You told me and Syaoran to protect both Sonic and Punch no matter the circumstances.

Gilgamesh: You really are a bad little boy, Chester.

Pit: Peter big brother! Enkidu! Danny! How could this happen?!

Syaoran: Morgana....? Wait---!!

Ermelinda: King Gilgamesh, stop walking on that path, that path is nothing more than hole and emptiness. Ugh!

Hades: Your role is done, Morgana le fay.

Pit: Hades!!

Ermelinda: -----------

Gilgamesh: Then I'll take you in as well, Morgana. I don't need any more slaves since I've absorbed something that wasn't in the plan.....

Sonic: That's enough. You shouldn't do anything unnecessary, Punch. You can't come back if you take any more in.

Gilgamesh: I am------the strongest-----

Sonic: If you want to absorbed me, you should find a place where the gate of black hole went.

Gilgamesh: Deal. If that was your final wish.

The shadows retreated. Not only the shadow, but the mud that cover Enkidu fades away as though it never existed.

Gilgamesh:…Please never show yourself again. Should you stand in my way again.......I'll have to kill you, Peter.

Peter: No!.....stop.....!

Sonic: See you again, Punch. I had a lot of fun.

Punch & Shadow: Sonic!

Syaoran & Pit: Wait---!!

*Slash!*

Pit: Get out of my way, Hades!!

Hades: Do not pursue them. I will kill you if you take another step, Pit.

Pit: -----------

Hades: This is your final warning. If you wish to save him, then withdraw. Should you follow us in spite of that, I will take your head.

They've vanished, as if they've fade into the shadows.

Danny: I failed again......I failed like what happen to Homura....! If I.....

Shadow: No, we still not failed yet.

Syaoran: We still had a time where are they going. Let's have a rest from now.

Punch: --------------

Peter: Punch.............

.

.

Punch: So-----

Sonic: You still don't understand? You can leave King Gilgamesh to me. This is my purpose, so you can just go home and......

Punch: You stupid.....

Sonic: What?

Punch: You stupid Idiot! Don't say dealing with the aftermath is your purpose! You can't fool me how much you act to be tough! Don't you dare tried to sacrifice your life again!! I won't be tricked, no matter how much you bluff and pretend you're all right. I'm going to take you home as long as you don't want to be here…!

Sonic: Wha---sacrifice and bluff what?! I told you that I was just a container---

Punch: That your excuse word is "sacrifice" and "bluff" you idiot! Sonic is Sonic, okay?!

Sonic: ............!!

Punch: If you want to stay as yourself, just ignore all of this. Don't sacrifice your life for someone else…!

Sonic: But I.........

Punch: Sonic......you still have a place where you belong....you told yourself, right? You will give up to sacrifice yourself for me and the other me.

Punch takes Sonic's hand. Punch: Let's go, Sonic Crowe. We'll go home before they find us. Punch pulls his small, light body and starts to walk.

Danny & Velvet: Are you two finish talking?

Punch & Sonic: Sorry.

Punch: Let's go.....

.

.

Shadow: I can't let you sacrifice yourself.......I've done to losing Sonic because of his stubbornness.......Punch.....if you dare to.....then I....

Punch: I'll fight until the very end. I want to save PUNCH, just like you want to protect him. I don't know what result it'll bring, but I can't run away.…I'll fight Kujaku to save PUNCH. I'm going to choose Punch no matter what.

Shadow: That's your answer to my question from the other day?

Punch: That's right. So please, Shadow, trust both me and Sonic once again.

Shadow: Alright. But I will not fight unless there is a chance to win. What do you expect of me, Punch?

On another side

Enkidu: So you're sending the shadow instead of showing up yourself? You've gotten arrogant during the short time you've been away, Gil.

Gilgamesh: Enkidu.....protect them then I can be at peace and take his life with mine.

Enkidu: Gil, I'll ask just in case, but do you intend to cut ties with Kujaku's shadow.

Gilgamesh: I--- I won't last long. I don't know when I'll disappear. I might only be able to hold out for one night.

Enkidu: You don't know when you're going to disappear, huh? You're wrong. You just don't know when you'll run out of patience.

Gilgamesh: .....................

Enkidu: Don't you notice? Your words and actions have been all over the place. Right after you said you'd give your life and disappear.

Gilgamesh: *Change to anger*

Enkidu: We'll go there. Don't be hasty. I'll kill you with my own hands.

Gilgamesh: Yes.....I'll be waiting for you, Enkidu.

.

.

Gilgamesh: I won't give you any mercy. The only things I'll give to this world are regret and despair. You mongrels shall drown in the vortex of darkness....like insects dropped into an acid!

[demons2003]

My Boys (Chapter 16)

Series List

Y/n's pov

I sit on the hood of my car waiting for Robin after school. She once again had band practice and we had planned to have our weekly/monthly sleepover tonight. Great planning on our side as we forgot she had band practice. Finishing up my cigarette I throw it on the ground and stamp on it, getting into the driver's side. I tap my fingers against the wheel and think about everything Steve told me last night. What happened to him and Eddie seemed to really stuff the two of them up, and in turn wreck our relationship together. They both got affected in different ways. I loved them both but it hurt to know they left me behind because they had a problem with each other. Everyone knows that Eddie liked guys but Steve and I promised that we didn't care and that we still loved him, nothing would ever change that. "Hey, you ok?" Robin asks me as she gets into my passenger seat. I look over at her and feel the tears that have fallen from my eyes. "I want to tell you something tonight. Something about what happened before we met." Robin nods her head and grabs onto my hand. "Anything, I'm always here. How about we go home and eat before you tell me? Sounds like it could take a while," She asks. I nod my head and I start the short journey home, thinking about what I'm about to tell Robin.

When we get to mine I quickly get out of the car and run inside to the kitchen, needing to get food as quickly as possible so I can talk to Robin about the boys. Robin follows in shortly after and runs her school bag upstairs. While she's gone I continue to think about everything I'm about to tell her. I never really planned to tell Robin about anything involving the boys but I knew that with Steve and I becoming friends again she's need to know. She was my best friend, someone that I love dearly, to the point I'd die for her if it ever came to that. "What we having lover?" Robin asks, walking into the room. I laugh at her and hand her the bowl of mac and cheese I'd just made. "Mac and Cheese. Best thing I have in the house right now," I say, looking out the window. We move to my bedroom and sit on my bed, slowly eating our food. I knew as soon as we finished this bowl she'd try to get me to talk. I knew I needed to talk to her about it but it was starting to freak me out. What if she didn't want to be my friend anymore? Just because I'm hanging out with King Steve and have had a past with him. Would she even be my friend if she knew I was friends with Steve? "What's going on in that head of yours N/n?" Robin whispers, putting her bowl on the side table and putting her other hand in mine. Tears rapidly fall from my eyes as I try to look up at her, putting my own bowl on the table. "Please don't hate me," I whisper, falling into her arms and squeezing her tight. She pats my hair and whispers to me that it'll be ok and that she could never hate me.

She holds me until my breathing becomes even and I pull away from her. "I don't know if you've noticed but I've started to become friends with Steve Harrington," I start off, Robin nodding her head at me. "Well, this isn't the first time we've been friends. Before we started high school I was actually best friends with him and Eddie Munson. You probably know him from the band. They were my world, everything I ever wanted in my life. They were my safe space. Well, Steve and Eddie had a fight the night that you and I had met, at that party, and stopped talking to me for no reason. Probably thought the other would stay with me or something but neither of them did. It's the main reason why I struggle to trust anyone anymore. Well being friends with Steve is great but I've started to realise that I'm struggling without Eddie as well. It was always the three of us and I feel like I'm betraying Eddie by not bringing him into it. But I've missed them both so much that I hated my life so much because I couldn't have either of them in it. But now I have one back in my life and I feel selfish because I still want both of them in it. But I can't have both," I ramble out to Robin, tears starting to freely fall from my eyes. I don't even notice them anymore. 

Robin the whole time just held my hand and nodded her head at me. She moves into my eyesight and asks if she can talk. I nod at her and she says, "I love you, none of that changes anything Y/n. You obviously miss both of them but I think for now you should start with only Steve. If you try to bring Eddie in and the boys haven't worked out their fight on their own, you'll end up losing them both of them again, causing you even more pain than you need." I smile at her and nod. "You're right. How are you so smart?" I ask her, laughing a little. Robin laughs at me and tackles me into a hug. "Now, let's forget all about those silly little boys and enjoy the rest of our night together," Robin exclaims, getting up to put a movie in. I laugh and get under the covers, waiting for Robin to come back so she could hold me through the movie.

After our first movie, I realised there was something else I needed to tell Robin. "Hey Rob, I have something else I need to tell you." She looks over to me and gives me a confused look, nodding for me to continue. "Remember when I got really weird a few months back?" She nods. "Well, I had a really traumatic experience, which I can't tell you about, but I couldn't handle my panic attacks after woods. I started to smoke, which you've seen but I've also been taking drugs as well," I tell her, letting out a breath after, finally having everything out in the open. She looks concerned for me but nods her head. "Ok, that's ok. But you gotta promise me two things. Don't take them before you have to drive somewhere and don't take them before or during school. I don't like it but if you feel better I don't want to force you to stop taking them altogether." I smile at her and pull her into a big hug. "I promise to both of them. Thank you, Robin, you're the best!" I exclaim, happy that she isn't angry at me. She laughs and hugs me back. We order a pizza for dinner and set up the next movie for the night, cuddling and eating junk food for the rest of the night. 

The next morning 

Waking up with Robin always felt like a dream come true but today wasn't one of those days. Robin had woken up early for once and had left my house to help out her parents for the day. As much as I didn't want her to leave, I knew it was a good idea otherwise I'd keep her here as long as I could. We could stay in bed all day if we were both awake together. I turn over to my walkie-talkie and turn it on, wondering what the boys could be doing. Hoping it was just child-like stuff and not upside-down stuff. I turn it on to hear Dustin calling out a code red. Wonder what that's all about. Hopefully nothing too serious. I get out of bed and get dressed and washed up for the day. Grabbing the walkie again I bring it with me downstairs, wanting to make sure that Dustin isn't really in trouble or something. Eventually, Erica also joins the call, telling Duston to shut up. I laugh at their conversation and get back to making myself breakfast. After finishing my breakfast I sit on the couch, waiting to find out if Dustin really needed help or if it was a false alarm. If he needed me to come over he would give me a call. Later I'll go to his place to check on him. Make sure he isn't really in trouble.

That Night

I pull up to Dustin's house to find Steve's car already parked in the driveway. What the hell is Steve doing with my cousin? I quickly get out of my car and run to the backyard, not understanding why but I was starting to feel panic and dread filling my body. As I run further I find the bunker doors wide open. I look down, not seeing either of them because of how dark it was down there but decide I'll go down anyway. I grab my gun from my back pocket and point it towards the ground. As I near the bottom I find Dustin and Steve in the far corner."Are you trying to replace me now Dusty? Got yourself a new role model?" I joke to Dustin. This causes both boys to turn quickly to me. Dustin puts his hands up ready to fight and Steve holds his bat up, a piece of skin hanging from the end. "What the hell Y/n!" Dustin yells, turning away from me. "What do you mean, 'What the hell' You're the one that called a code red. I'm checking you are ok," I snap, putting my gun back into my pocket. "Dustin, let something escape," Steve tells me, throwing the skin on the floor near my feet. Dustin glares at him but I beat him in saying, "What the hell did you let escape?" I panic a little but take a deep breath, studying the skin Stev throw at me. Surely it can't be that bad right? "Dart. It's this creature I found, I believe it's from the upside down," Dustin tells us. I stare at him shocked and just walk out of the bunker, needing fresh air and a good smoke.

I lean against my car and try to control my breathing, somehow smoking at the same time. "When the hell did you start smoking?" Dustin asks me, trying to grab the thing from my hand. I glare at him and pull it out of his reach. "None of your dam business. So how are we catching this thing?" I ask them both, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible. I look over to Steve to find him looking at me with concern as well. I roll my eyes and focus on Dustin, not getting a better reaction but one I've seen enough times to be used to it by now. "We need a trap. And bait," Dustin finally says. "Ok, so what does it eat?" I ask. "Meat probably," Dustin tells us, looking from me to Steve. We both nod and I throw my cigarette on the ground, stomping it out. "Let go then, Steve you're driving," I tell them both, moving to Steve's car and getting in the front seat. Both follow me as quick as they can, getting ready to grab this thing and hopefully kill it as well.

Next morning

"Dustin! This is Lucas. Do you copy? Dustin?" I hear Lucas call from Dustin's walkie, continuing to get the bait out of Steve's car and putting gloves on. "Well, well, well, look who it is," Dustin says, seeming way too smug. "Sorry man. My stupid sister turned it off." Lucas tries to explain to him. "Well, when you were having sister problems, Dart grew again, he escaped and I'm pretty sure he's a baby Demogorgon," Dustin explains to Lucas. "I'm killing you after this," I whisper to myself, causing Steve to laugh at me a little. I bump my shoulder against his and laugh with him. "Wait, what?" Lucas asks. "I'll explain later. Meet me, Y/n and Steve at the old junkyard," Dustin tells him. "Steve?" "And bring your binoculars and wrist rocket." "Steve Harrington?" I laugh at Lucas' confusion, knowing the boys don't really like Steve that much. "All right, let's go," Steve says as he closes the boot of his car. "Just be there, stat. Over and out," Dustin snaps at Lucas, turning his walkie off. We walk through the woods a little before coming to the junkyard. "God I hate this place," I say. Steve turns giving me a confused look while Dustin laughs. "I thought you were gonna come in and kill us when you finally got here," Dustin exclaims, causing Steve more confusion. "Hopper and I came here to pick up the boys when they were on the run from the government. We found 3 guys already here. I knocked out the one closest to the bus, realising the boys were in trouble, my motherly instincts kicking in. Pretty badass if you ask me," I say, winking at Steve and getting a fist bump from Dustin. Steve nods and laughs a little at us, moving more into the junkyard to start getting everything set up.

Sometime later

We walk the train tracks heading towards the junkyard, listening to Dustin talk about Dart while we throw meat down. "All right, so let me get this straight. You kept something you knew was probably dangerous in order to impress a girl who...who you just met?" Steve asks him. "All right, that's grossly oversimplifying things." Dustin tries. "You got us here Dustin, all because of a girl," I say, Steve, following with, "I mean, why would a girl like some nasty slug anyway?" Looking at me as well. "An interdimensional slug? Because it's awesome," Dustin exclaims. I laugh at him and say, "Only a nerd would like that Dustin," Steve nodding along with me. "Well, even if she thought it was cool, which she didn't, I...I just...I don't know. I just feel like you're trying way too hard," Steve tells Dustin. "Yeah Dustin, you shouldn't put yourself in danger in order to impress some girl. Especially one you just met," I back up Steve's words. "What? Like you did a couple of years ago? Ended with you in hospital," Dustin points out. "Shut up, we are talking about you, not my stupid decisions." Steve gives me a confused look but I shake my head, hoping he won't ask me any more questions about it. "Back to trying too hard. Not everyone can have your perfect hair, all right?" Dustin tells us. "It's not about the hair man. The key with girls is just... just acting like you don't care." Steve tells him. "Even if you do?" Dustin eagerly turns to Steve. "Yeah, exactly. It drives them nuts," Steve continues. Dustin turns to me to get confirmation, to which I say, "Yes and no. If the girl really likes you, it will work. But if she doesn't, then it probably won't." Dustin nods at me, turning back around. "Then what?" Dustin asks Steve, turning more towards him. "You just wait until, uh...until you feel it," Steve explains. "Feel what?" "It's like before it's gonna storm, you know? You can't see it, but you can feel it, like this, uh...electricity, you know?" "Oh, like in the electromagnetic field when the clouds in the atmosphere..." Dustin explains but I but in saying, "Dustin, neither of us understands a word you are saying." "No, no, no, no, no. Like a... like a sexual electricity," Steve explains more. "Steve!" I yell, causing him to laugh at me. "Oh," Dustin says at the same time as my yell. "You feel that and then you make your move." "So that's when you kiss her?" "No, whoa, whoa. Slow down, Romeo." "Sorry," Dustin says. This is his first crush, he won't get it right but he'll dam sure try to. And that's all that matters. I'll be here if it doesn't go right, and by the sounds of it, Steve might be too.

"Sure, okay, some girls, yeah, they want you to be aggressive. You know, strong, hot and heavy, like a... I don't know, like a lion." Steve continues. "Oh? So, I want men to be like a lion?" I ask, Dustin laughing a little at me. "But others, you gotta be slow, you gotta be stealthy, like a... like a ninja." "What type is Nancy?" Dustin asks him. I freeze a little wondering how Steve will react to hearing Nancy's name, but he takes it with stride by saying, "Nancy's different. She's different than the other girls." "Yeah, she seems pretty special, I guess," Dustin says. "Yeah. Yeah, she is," He whispers out, seeming to go somewhere else for a second. "But this girl's special too, you know. It's just, like, something about her." Dustin says. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey." Steve says, making all of us stop to face Dustin. "What?" Dustin asks. "You're not falling in love with this girl, are you?" Steve asks him. I look confused at Steve, wondering what would be wrong with that. "Uh, no. No," Dustin says, but I don't believe him for a second. "Okay, good. Don't." "I won't." They both say. "She's only gonna break your heart, and you're way too young for that shit," Steve tells him, all of us start to walk again. Both go quiet for a bit, both in their own words. I go to say something when Steve randomly says, "Faberge." "What?" Dustin questions. "It's Faberge Organics. Use the shampoo and conditioner, and when your hair's damp... It's not wet, okay? When it's damp... You do four puffs of the Farrah Fawcett spray." Steve explains his hair routine. I'm so teasing him for this later. Maybe blackmail too. "Farrah Fawcett spray?" Dustin asks him. "Yeah, Farrah Fawcett," Steve confirms, then threatens, "You tell anyone I just told you that and your ass is grass. Both of you. You're dead, Henderson and L/n. Do you understand?" "Yup." Dustin nods. Steve turns to me and I just burst out laughing. "You'd never kill me, Harrington. Not in a million years," I say, continuing to walk down the train tracks. Steve laughs a little and the boys follow behind me.

[pennyl4n3]

The Pool

*Taking a deep breath*

Well well well, this is my first fanfic (or should I say second or third? Btw, this one came to a conclusion) and I've never been much into writing, but Duskwood and all of you fantastic people in the fandom here brought me to this. I hope you like it, and of course I look forward to your comments and feedback.

Pairing: Jake x MC

Contents: Angst, Sadness, Fluff, Romance

It had been three months since his last contact with her. He'd had to disappear from the radar, the government breathing down his neck. Every day he fought the urge to write to her; he couldn't risk putting her in danger. He couldn't even risk reading her conversations at the moment, so he was as blind as she was.

He didn't know where she was, if she was okay, if she was mad at him, though after all this time he imagined she was. The last time they had written to each other she was in Duskwood and he had every intention of finally catching up with her. Things hadn't gone as planned unfortunately, and the deal he was trying to make with the government had fallen through, forcing him to become a fugitive again.

He was exhausted, he was free and yet he felt imprisoned in an endless loop. Ever since he had met her he had realized how heavy his condition was to bear, how much he missed talking to someone in person, how much he longed to get out without having to disguise himself. He wanted to move, to run, to be outside, and above all else he wanted to run to her, and hold her, look into her eyes, tell her in his voice how much he missed her.

While he was lost in these thoughts he scrolled through their last conversations, rereading every word and every comma. At one point he found the conversation in which they had talked about one of MC's great passions, swimming. He barely knew how to float, he had never had a chance to learn it as a child, and on that occasion he had promised himself he would try it someday. MC had told him about a public pool in her hometown that was easy to get into at night through a gate with a broken lock. She had gone there many times, when she needed to relieve her nerves and to be alone. Suddenly Jake felt the urge to see that pool, and set about finding it. Amazingly it was a couple of blocks from where he was hiding, the next step was to check the security cams near the building and along the way. He could do it without too much difficulty, and he really needed to get some air and some purpose, so he slipped on his sweatshirt, pulled on his hood and mask, and set off.

He arrived within minutes, constantly looking around. The streets were practically empty, but caution was never too much. The pool was a low building, all on one level. Mentally following MC's directions he managed to find the little gate, behind some bushes. It was still broken, unbelievable. Curiosity was stronger than him and he continued towards the entrance. His footsteps echoed in the hall, as he went down the few steps that led directly to the pool floor, the smell of chlorine filled his nostrils. Even though it was night he could see almost all of the interior well, thanks to the huge windows that almost reached the ceiling and let in the illumination of the street lamps, just as MC had told him.

He sat on the steps and stayed there for a while, lost in his imagination, even though he had never seen MC, enjoying that moment of peace, and trying to imagine her doing something that made her feel good...

A noise outside startled him, he ran off the steps and flattened himself against the wall. He waited in silence, his nerves on edge, his heart in his throat, his eye searching for possible alternatives escape routes. another metallic noise, and the angry meows of two cats fighting each other. Jake breathed a sigh of relief but waited vigilantly for a while longer before heading for the exit with shaking legs. When he returned to his shelter, he promised himself he would never try it again, but that was not to be. He returned there two more nights, until he decided to get a swimsuit and try swimming.

And so Jake found himself inside the pool, scared and unsure at first, but after a few minutes he began to feel the benefit of being in the water, the lightness provided by its support. He knew it wouldn't last long, but he continued to go there as many nights as he could. He would return to his hut tired but satisfied, and he could even get a decent night's sleep.

One evening he was trying to swim as usual when he heard a female voice saying jokingly, "well, I thought I was the only one who knew this place, but apparently not." Jake froze, almost having a heart attack. He was in the water, there was no way to escape. He drew a deep breath, thinking that it was anyway dark enough, and that his features weren't clearly visible, and decided to try not to look too suspicious. "Yeah, apparently not" he replied, trying to keep his voice from shaking. The girl smiled, or so it seemed to him, and continued, "I guess you like to be here alone, just like I usually do, but I could really use a swim tonight. I'll go in the back lane, I swear I won't bother you. Is that okay?" "O-oh yeah, yeah, go ahead," Jake mumbled, trying to hide his face as much as possible, and stood watching her as she made her way to the other side of the pool, still shocked that there was another human being in the same room as him. He realized that he was staring in her direction, and decided to start swimming again. After a while he stopped, out of breath and with tired arms, and saw that the girl instead was still swimming, at a brisk pace, and giving no sign of wanting to stop. He got out of the water and sat on the steps, wrapped in his towel, trying to catch his breath. Watching her was hypnotic, she moved with fluid movements, slow and steady. He wondered if MC swam like that too. How he wished he could have written to her to tell her he was swimming, or at least trying to, and to thank her for letting him discover this wonderful new experience as well. Since he had met her, his life had taken on a new light, where before only greyness and despair reigned.

His phone made a sound, bringing him back to reality. It was time to go home. He dressed quickly and headed for the exit, he didn't want to interrupt the girl's concentration, and he didn't intend to introduce himself, so better that way. Once back at the shelter he went back to work on his laptop, while eating a sandwich. Concentration continued to leave him that night, however, as the encounter with the stranger had brought him back to MC in a big way.

He returned to the pool the next evening, yearning to tire himself out and find some peace of mind. Once he got to the door he heard the sound of water coming from inside, he carefully pushed his way across the threshold, trying to figure out who was there and was relieved to see that it was again the girl he met the night before. He walked over to his side of the pool and removed his clothes as he cast furtive glances at her. He dove into the water and began to swim, trying to focus on his breathing, which was the part he struggled with the most. When he emerged with bated breath, he saw the girl standing at the edge of the pool and winced. "Hi, I didn't mean to scare you. I've been watching you swim and I thought I could give you a few tips, if you don't mind" Jake was so amazed and scared that for a few seconds he could only stare at her with his mouth open. "I-I...I don't.... " she giggled softly and shrugged her shoulders "Ok, look, I didn't mean to embarrass you...I'm going back to my lane. If you want it you know you can ask it okay?" And she turned to go back to her lane. "Wait. Yes, please I will gladly accept your help." Jake said. She retraced her steps and squatted down beside the edge of the pool with a smile on her face. "So, first let's start with your upper body, I've noticed that you move it a lot between strokes and that wastes your energy and breath. Try to stand up straighter, your arms and legs do most of the work. Then, every time you pull your arm forward, you can inhale if you feel the need to, and slowly you'll find yourself pulling two strokes, then three, and so on, but don't be in a hurry. If you take care of your technique well, managing your breath will already be easier." Jake was focused on her words and nodded, before turning around and trying again. Following her advice actually felt like he was already doing better. A wave of satisfaction ran through him when he managed to do his usual laps without getting breathless. He emerged smiling and sat on the edge of the pool. She was still there and looked at him approvingly, then asked "Better now, isn't it? "Yes, thank you very much." He answered. "Thanks to you, I'm just back in town but I'm not having much contact with the rest of the world, helping you was a pleasure" "I... I understand, I didn't have much contact lately either". A slightly embarrassed silence fell between them. It was Jake's phone that broke it, by emitting an alarm tone. Jake got up quickly and headed for his bagpack. "I, uh, have to go now, thanks again for your help." She looked at him briefly, nodded, and stepped back. "Oh, yeah, sure, no problem. Well, good night then" and walked back to the pool. "Good night" he replied, and as soon as she turned around, he changed his wet swimsuit with dry clothes and headed quickly to the exit.

As he walked down the street, he wondered if he wasn't risking too much by going to the pool regularly, and by confiding in that unknown girl. He then decided that it would be better to avoid it for a while, even if it was with great regret.

Jake avoided the pool for a few days, but eventually decided to go back. He couldn't wait to get there. As he walked the short distance between his hiding place and the pool, he mentally savored the feel of the water, the smell of the chlorine, the relaxation it gave him to swim until his muscles ached. As always, he sneaked up on the hidden entrance, his senses all out to catch any suspicious movements or noises. That evening, however, he heard no suspicious noises as he entered the large room with the tanks, but a soft sobbing. He listened for a while, trying to distinguish where the crying was coming from. When he spotted the silhouette of the mysterious girl on the steps he felt a tug at his heart, and could not help but go near her.

"Hey, is everything okay?" he said softly.

She looked up with a jolt, and when she recognized him she answered a little annoyed: "What do you think? No, everything is not okay." She immediately realized she had been abrupt, and added in a tone of apology, clutching her knees to her chest: "Sorry, I didn't think you would come, I haven't seen you here in a while and you caught me off guard..." "It's okay, no need to apologize. I guess I interrupted an intimate moment of yours. It's just that hearing you cry made me worried somehow." He replied to her as he blushed, realizing what he had just said. "I-I meant...well I mean, sorry if I m-maybe I embarrassed you, I should probably go and..." hinting back. "No, wait. Please stay. If it's not a problem for you of course. I don't really feel like being alone anymore." she said as she reached out a hand towards him and motioned for him to sit beside her. Jake was tense, the last thing he had expected that night was to find himself consoling the mysterious girl, but he certainly couldn't leave her there alone, she had always been very kind to him and he was sincerely sorry to see her sad. He exhaled a deep breath and went to sit next to her as he pulled a handkerchief from a pocket of his backpack and handed it to her. "Thank you," she said with a smile, "I really appreciate it." For a while an awkward silence descended, during which they both stared at their hands. Suddenly she blurted out "You know, I'm worried about someone, that's why I was crying. I haven't heard from him in a while and I don't know what to think. I'm trying to move on, I promised him, and really, I'm trying so hard, but some days the weight of his absence is so hard to bear that I can barely get out of bed. Whatever I do the thought of him is with me. This is the only place I can find some peace, because swimming empties my mind b-but t-tonight..." her eyes glazed over again as she swallowed, trying to push back the tears. He had listened to her in silence until that moment, respecting her moment of venting, but when he realized she was about to cry again he felt he had to do something, so he passed his left arm behind her back and pulled her to him, gently holding her in an embrace. "I-I can understand it, you know? I promised one person I would move on too. But it's so hard. I want to call her, I want to write her, I want to know how she is doing, where she is...but every day I forbid myself to do that. And I know I owe it to her, because she doesn't deserve to keep feeling bad because of me and my mistakes and..." his voice faded away, as he realized that he was risking to say things he shouldn't have said, he recovered quickly trying to cut it short and not to let the tremor in his voice be heard "...and I understand you, that's it. I miss her so much too."

As they stood in silence, his heart running fast in his chest and he desperately looking for something else to say, he felt her draw back into his embrace and sigh. It felt good to have her in his arms, and feeling her calming down warmed his heart. It had been so long since Jake had touched anyone, not really talked to anyone, hardly remembered what it was like. A little later she said softly, "Thank you. For sharing a little piece of you with me. You don't need to talk about it if you don't feel like it, I understand. It's... " she stopped thoughtfully, "Complicated" finished Jake. "Yes, yes exactly! It's damn complicated. But knowing that someone can understand me makes me feel better." then she turned to him and drew a deep breath, then added, "Well, how about a swim? After all, this is what we both came for." Jake nodded and removed his arm from her shoulders. "Yeah, I guess you're right." He got up from the steps and walked over to the usual little corner where he used to change his clothes, while she headed to her pool lane and dove in. Once he slipped into his swimsuit, Jake entered cautiously, still pensive from that brief but intense exchange of confessions.

He slowly dived down to the bottom and stayed there for a while, still immersed in his thoughts. He had to stop those nightly outings. They were already dangerous in themselves, and now this unknown girl had been added, making him talk too freely. All of his inner alarms were telling him it was time to stop, and it was also time to change hiding places again, even though being so close to a place in MC's heart made him feel closer to her.

A movement to the side of his field of vision brought him out of his thoughts, and out of the pool as well. When he got to his feet he ran a hand over his eyes and pulled his hair back so he could see better, turning to face the source of the movement. He saw her in the aisle next to where he stood, staring at him. "A-are you ok?" said him in an uncertain voice. She giggled and replied, "I was going to ask you the same thing, you weren't coming up out of the water anymore." "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I scared you, I was just... well, reflecting." he replied. She stared at him intently, looking at his black hair, stuck to the sides of his face, and said tilting her head "It's weird you know? You remind me so much of him, the way you behave somehow, I can't actually explain it". Jake blushed and swallowed hard. "I'll take it as a compliment" he replied, and stepped out of the water. "I have to get back. I hope you feel better now." continued, while heading to the bag of dry clothes. She stood staring at him, wondering if she had made him uncomfortable with that confession. When she realised he was about to undress she turned around, blushing. She waited for a while and then sat down on the edge of the bath and said with a smile, "Yes, I'm feeling better, thanks to you. Good night, stranger."

When he arrived to the hut, something alarmed him: some of the boards near the entrance were placed differently than he had left them. He quickly stepped into the shadows and took out his phone to check inside. Two men were sitting at his usual spot, peering at the screens. Jake was quick to slip back downstairs and to reach out his hiding place number two, three doors down. As soon as he was seated, he took his phone out of his jeans pocket and started the hidden cameras. The two men didn't seem to have any idea what they were looking at, and they didn't look like officers either, to be honest. Maybe two thieves? But what kind of thieves would break into an old warehouse with the windows covered by boards? What did they expect to find there? He carefully examined the video images from the cameras he had placed around the rest of the perimeter of the building and saw a couple of policemen in the back. "Fuck!" he whispered through his teeth. He prepared to format everything in the hiding place and stood vigilantly by, watching them alternately. The two intruders were probably hiding from the cops, and risked exposing him. He noticed that there was a car shop next door and decided to create a diversion. He quickly managed to hack into the shop's security system and set it to go off, so that the cops could be sent away. He then logged on to his workstation and simply brought up Nymos, some glitches and the words "intruders detected, defensive protocol activated" on the screens. It was more than enough to send the two of them running for the hills.

He sighed with relief, letting himself down on the makeshift mattress behind him. He stayed like that for a while as he listened to his heartbeat return to a normal rhythm, his adrenaline slowly subsiding, his breathing becoming regular. His stomach rumbled, so he reached into his bag and pulled out an energy bar. After an hour or so, he locked the entrance to the main hideout and went back the way he'd come: better stay there for the night. As he settled in for the night, streams of thoughts came over him. He realised that the idea of leaving MC hometown made him feel lost, even though she wasn't there, and it wasn't even certain that she would return. Still, he knew he had to leave, that evening's mishap was another proof of that. There wasn't much to think about really, he had to move again, maybe he'd come back later. He thought of the girl at the pool, of her pain, so familiar. How was it possible that love could always bring so much suffering? He drifted off to sleep with those thoughts in his head, and woke up restless.

The next morning Jake was almost done packing up all of his belongings and ready to go. He wondered if once he was settled into his new hiding place, he would find another pool where he could train undisturbed, so he set about identifying all the potential candidates. How he wished he could have told MC about this! As he scanned the pools and studied their surroundings it occurred to him that he could write her using a disposable phone before leaving. His hands began to shake at the mere thought of being able to write her again. Would she be happy to read it? Maybe she was angry with him. In their last conversation she had told him to at least let her know if he was alive as soon as he could. Before he could think about it too much longer, he stormed out of the room and headed for the first open store. Once he retrieved the disposable phone he went back to the spare hut and slipped into it with all his things. He turned on the phone and prepared it for use.

*??? is online*

Jake:Hello, MC.

Shortly after came the reply

*** MC is online ***

MC:Jake! Are you okay?

Jake:Yes MC, I'm fine. I apologize for not letting you hear from me again, it was too dangerous.

MC:That's okay, I'm so glad to read you now, I kept telling myself that you were definitely fine and that I shouldn't have written you, as promised

Jake felt his palms sweat.

Jake:You know, I've been going swimming lately. At night, on the sly. Your enthusiasm about it convinced me. You were so right MC, it can empty your mind. I wanted so hard to thank you for that.

MC:I went swimming recently too, at night, it kept me from going crazy. Maybe we swam at the same time

Jake: :)

Jake:And do you know where I was? The place you told me about. It was like I felt closer to you

MC squinted her eyes

MC:Jake... you don't mean that place with big windows almost to the ceiling,do you?

Jake:Yes, exactly that.

MC bursted in laugh and shaked her head in disbelief.

MC:And you didn't happen to meet someone? Like a really nice, kind girl who gave you lessons?

Jake felt his knees buckle and had to lean against the wall to keep from falling.

Jake:You...

Jake:Was that you?

Butterflies were spreading through his stomach.

MC:So you hugged me the other night! I was crying just for you, and you were there, this is crazy!

MC:Where are you now?

His eyes widened.

Jake:MC me, I was going to leave the town, last night I found intruders in my shelter, it's not safe for me to be here anymore.

For a time that seemed eternal to him there was no sign of life on the other end of the phone.

Jake:MC...

MC:Don't you dare

MC:Don't you dare leaving again. You've been staying here for days, and even allowed yourself to go out almost every night, and you never wrote me anything. Now that we might meet you're starting this again.

MC:We met by accident Jake! Does that seem normal to you???

MC:I'll be waiting there tonight, you better come

***MC is offline***

Jake stared at the phone bewildered. He was terrified. He couldn't believe he had hugged MC the night before. And she was crying, because of him. She was right, he couldn't leave again.

That night he went to the pool, almost running. He sneaked up on the hidden entrance, holding his breath, and went to sit on the steps where he usually rested his backpack. A short time later he saw her walk in and head towards him. It seemed to him that his heart was about to explode. He stood up and walked over to her. They both found themselves running to cover the final distance that separated them. They hugged each other tightly, and stayed that way, without speaking for who knows how long. Neither of them wanted to untie the embrace, as if to do so meant to lose themselves again.

At the end MC pulled back a little to look him in the eyes, and said, "I was beginning to think this moment would never come" "And instead we found each other without even knowing it" he replied chuckling. She blushed and rose on tiptoe to give him a light kiss on the lips.

"Shall we go for a swim?" she told him with a mischievous grin. "Sure. I've been taking lessons" he replied as he began to undress.

[multifandomingmess]

The One That Got Away (Sonny Carisi x Daughter!Reader) Part 1/2

anonymous inquired:

Hii do you fanfics, imagines for SVU? If so can you do a Sonny x reader where you are his daughter and you try to kill yourself after being raped. The team finds out and hunts the rapist down. If you could make it middle length maybe? It’s ok if you can’t. If you can thank youuu

Trigger Warning(s): mentions of rape, description of rape, suicide attempt, self-harm, language, etc..

Reminder: Spoilers from recent episodes of SVU - so Carisi is ADA now. If you don't like spoilers, please watch/start on Season 22 beforehand. Thank you.

You could still feel the touch of him. How he threw you around like garbage. When you look down at your legs, you see reminders of him. That night was horrifying for you. However, you weren't surprised that you were targeted since you're the daughter of ADA Carisi.

Y/N Carisi - you were born on M/D/Y - having e/c eyes and h/c hair. Despite all that, you grew up near the SVU, so you knew the signs but you felt like you were stupid and deserved this. Like it was meant to happen. You haven't told anyone because you felt ashamed. You know (for a fact) that your dad will literally kill the guy - but you don't want him to risk his job for you.

(POV CHANGE - I/IM/ME/FIRST PERSON)

I came home from school and immediately went to my bedroom. My dad wasn't home yet so I just lay in my bed - and do what I've been doing. I just look at the wall and think. I think about the things I've done, the things I've wanted to do, the things I want to do, and the things that I wanted to do but was too scared to do so.

It's hard being an ADA's daughter because I've seen the threats he's gotten. People have cyberbullied me a lot, which isn't a surprise, but it's still not pleasant. Through my dad, I've felt unsafe because of threats I received - and some of the things that have been done to me.

A few weeks ago, I was raped after my dad won a case. The convicted man's family, who is apart of a mafia, seemed to convey hatred against him. I'm not sure if it's one of them that raped me but I just want to block it out. I want to forget it ever happened but it's not that easy. The past few days have been even harder because the thoughts have gotten worse. My dad knows I struggle with my mental health, in general, but he doesn't know why it's worsened lately. He doesn't know that I've started self-harming again.

It's hard to be alone with all these thoughts - because it's getting harder. I look at the belt nearby and place my hand against the leather. I just want this pain to be gone.

(HOURS LATER; 3RD PERSON POV)

Sonny finally arrived home. He had been trying to get a hold of Y/N but he had no luck. He opened the front door to a silent apartment. He was used to the silence but he felt a different feeling - like something was - like a gut instinct. He knew something was up.

He began to call Y/N's name, "Y/N! Are you home?" Silence. Just pure silence. He looked around the apartment and noticed her backpack on the kitchen counter - so she was home.

He went down the hallway and saw her bedroom door barely shut. He opened the door and he felt his stomach turn. Y/N was hanging from a belt. He rushed to her and unbuckled the belt carefully, so she would fall down, but he grabbed her in time. She placed her on the floor and felt for a pulse. It was weak but she had a pulse.

He took his phone out and dialed 911, before putting the speakerphone on and placing it on the ground. He immediately began chest compressions.

"911, what is your emergency?"

"This is ADA Sonny Carisi of Manhattan. I just came home to my daughter who attempted suicide. Please, send some paramedics and SVU here."

He continued the CPR, "Are there signs of sexual abuse?"

"I don't know but something isn't right. I'm doing CPR right now. Her pulse is weak. Please, hurry."

"Yes sir, just keep doing what you're doing. They're on their way."

Sonny continued to do the compressions, hoping she'd wake up, but she was still unconscious.

"Come on, baby..." He mumbled under his breath, as he continued the compressions.

Minutes went by and the paramedics arrived, along with SVU. They rushed into the house and Sonny stood by, as they began to take her vitals and placed her on a stretcher. Sonny felt like his whole world was turning upside down.

Olivia rushed in there, along with Amanda. "Sonny, what happened?"

"I came home to check on her because she wasn't answering her phone, so when I got here - something felt off and went to her room and found her like this..." He explained, trying to contain his emotions.

"Do you think she was raped?" Amanda questioned, causing Sonny to look down to the ground.

"I don't know but she hasn't been suicidal... I've been with her and something isn't right about this."

Olivia watched them take her out on the stretcher, noticing scratches on her arms, before sighing. Sonny was right. Something was wrong.

Hours had passed and Y/N awoke in a hospital bed, looking around to see her dad and some of his friends. "Dad?"

Sonny immediately rushed to his daughter's side and gave a kiss on her forehead. "How are you, sweetheart?"

She remembered what she did and regret filled her eyes. She placed her palms over her eyes and shook her head. "I'm so sorry, dad..."

"You have nothing to be sorry about, Y/N." Sonny assurred but she shook her head, throwing her hands down on the bed.

"I do, I really do, Dad." Y/N sobbed out, tears beginning to flow down her cheeks. Sonny looked at her and grabbed her hand, rubbing the back of her hand gently.

"Honey, why are you sorry?" She began to tug at the IV, trying to take it out. Machines began to beep uncontrollably, "You're safe, Y/N!"

"Dad, you're gonna kill me..." She yelled out in hysterics, nurses beginning to barge in.

"Sedate her!" One of the nurses shouted. Sonny was forced to get out of the room as he watched her fight off nurses.

"What happened to my babygirl?"

"Sonny..." Olivia began as she placed a hand on his back. "I think she's been raped or assaulted."

Sonny felt himself becoming numb and in shock. Olivia had it wrong, or did she? It would make a lot of sense, though. The huge question was why? Why would someone hurt his babygirl? That question ran through his mind.

Hours passed by and Sonny anxiously paced the halls of the hospital. Olivia had gone in there to talk with Y/N. Sonny knew he couldn't do it and just knew that she wouldn't talk to him about it. Not yet, at least.

"It's going to be okay, Carisi..." Amanda reassured, standing up after sitting in the chair for some time. "We will figure this all out but you need to sit down, you'll make yourself sick."

"I already feel sick and disgusted. I should've known something was off. I should've taken off work when her behavior started changing but I thought it was just teenage things. We've all gone through it..."

Amanda tightened her lips, biting the inside of her cheek. It was really unfortunate. The creak from the hospital room's door interrupted the two. Olivia came out with a clipboard, approaching Sonny at once. "I need you to sit down, Sonny..."

Sonny knew exactly what Olivia was going to say. Either way, nothing would stop the anger evolving inside of him. He didn't protect his daughter like he was always promised. He was already blaming himself.

"She was raped about a week ago. His identity is unknown but she said he had green eyes, black hair, pale skin, and dressed very neatly - but she mentioned that he said it was a warning for you..."

Sonny curled his eyebrows together, bringing eye contact with Olivia. He began to shook his head, grabbing the sides of his face, burying his face into his lap. "No..."

"She said he supposedly was a relative of a case you beat recently."

Carisi pounded his fist into his legs, screaming out, "Damn it!"

He jumped to his feet immediately, rushing toward the exit of the building, anger overcoming him.

"Sonny, you can't pursue this case!" Olivia yelled through the distance. "I have the authority to arrest you and I don't want to do that..."

He stopped in his tracks, turning to her. "You won't let me pursue this but you pursued your buddy Stabler's wife's case..."

"Excuse me?"

"If you can help your old partner out, then you can have my back on this... Either way, I have a feeling on who this is, and no one's stopping me - not even you."

With that, Carisi rushed out of the hospital building, leaving Olivia speechless. She looked at Amanda and audibly sighed.

Carisi got home and skimmed through each case file thoroughly, especially recent cases.

Brown v. Powell

New York State v. Senator Graham

Little v. Brewster

Jackson v. Gallagher

As he went past the Jackson v. Gallagher file, he pulled up the list of relatives for the Gallagher case (the opposing side). He saw Michael Gallagher. He was 35 and had all the features his daughter reportedly claimed. He clenched his hands into fists for a moment before hearing the doorbell ring. He snapped out of it and went to open the door.

In the pouring rain, Olivia stood there. Carisi found himself surprised but grateful.

"I'm sorry..." She gently apologized as she dug her hands into the pockets of her trenchcoat.

"We don't have time for that. I think I found a suspect..."

Olivia widened her eyes a bit as he led her to his office. He began to explain the case to her, which was complicated but expressed how one of the relatives had been sending threats since the trial completed. In which, we have Michael Gallagher.

"This is good... He looks just like the guy she described. This is a good sign, Sonny." Olivia admitted as she pulled out her phone. "I'm going to have them test Y/Ns DNA samples and possibly other DNA matches as soon as they can."

"Thank you, Liv."

She flashed a sly smile at him before she headed out. However, Sonny wouldn't be sleeping anytime soon, so the night would be interesting.

[notsuchacleverboyq]

00Q Prompt

James' Lover.

I've read tons of Fanfictions / oneshots in which Q is stuck in an abusive relationship. I really like the idea (because ✨drama✨), but what if it was James who's stuck in such a situation?

His head was aching when he got to the MI6, not exactly knowing why he had walked there.

It had been a rough night for James, despite how he didn't want to admit such, and the chills and pain in his body were the ultimate proof.

The agent stared at the entrance, regretting the long walk he had gone through to get there. He just wanted to disappear, to be nowhere, to just get it to end; but James had been fighting against his breath for a whole hour, struggling to keep it steady and calm.

For the first time in years, he had lost control over himself.

The oxygen seemed to completely miss his lungs as the thought about just getting back home convinced him to finally enter the building.

Despite the time, the corridors weren't completely empty as he had hoped, and James straightened the neck of his coat, trying to cover as much skin as possible when a man stared at his bruises with an usual awe.

Among all of those familiar faces, James was searching for Q's, being hopeful of finding him buried in his office, or in the lab.

The walk downstairs felt infinite and the agent eventually lost control over his breath, trying to not show how he was fighting to get air into his lungs.

When he entered the lab, throwing the doors open, Q turned around with a quick movement, holding something that James' mind paid no attention to.

Q looked at him with a confused expression, quickly approaching the agent.

- 007, you haven't been assigned any mission. What have you gotten yourself into? - the quartermaster asked.

There was a small fraction of silence in which James tried to reply with something, his breath hitching suddenly and leaving him to ridiculously sob for air.

- For heaven's sake, 007! - Q blurted out, visibly worried as he grabbed the agent's hand.

James didn't even try to put up resistance and just let himself being lead to the absurd sofa that had been placed in corner of the room, his other hand resting on his own throat as his sobs seemed to suffocate him.

Q got him to sit with no ceremonies and James hid his face in the palms of his hands once he had noticed he was crying out of panic and fear.

- Bond? - Q called, but the agent didn't move, not wanting the quartermaster to notice the fright in his eyes.

Q seemed to move to his side, but not walking away.

- James? - Q called again, with so much softness in his voice that Bond shivered in surprise.

Feeling the quartermaster's gentle touch around his hands, James surrendered to him, turning his head away as his face got uncovered.

There was an exasperated sigh from Q, who had sat down next to James, before the quartermaster's hand cupped the man's cheek, forcing him to turn his head back.

- Please, shelve your pride for a moment and breath - Q murdered and James leaned in the touch with another sob.

The agent nodded absently and hated how he sounded like a beaten dog when he grumbled in response.

The first breath was the hardest, leaving him to try several times before he could manage a long, shaky breathing without sobbing.

- Good job. Keep it like that - Q hummed with a so sweet smile that James' heart hitched at the sight.

The agent nodded obediently, managing a few more breaths before the sobs were gone and left only cold chills in James' body.

- Better? - Q asked, still caressing James' cheek and analysing the straight cuts that ran over the skin.

The agent immediately shook his head, feeling really far from being fine.

Q groaned in response, his eyes still locked on the cuts and James hoped that their shape wasn't making understand what had happened.

- My I ask you what you how you've gotten these? - Q asked, grazing James' cheek with his fingertips.

The agent didn't reply, he just tried to find an excuse as soon as possible.

- Lucy - Q snapped and it wasn't a question.

He had pronounced that woman's name with an amount of hate and rage that James had never heard from him before.

- Those are nails, right? - the quartermaster asked.

- Yes - James answered, his voice still trembling in panic, and looked away in shame.

Without a word, Q got up from the sofa, almost causing James to flinch due to the quickness of his movements; still not looking up, the agent heard the quartermaster tinkering with something a few steps away.

Bond raised his gaze only when Q came back with a glass of water.

- You need it - the quartermaster explain, after seeing the other's questioning expression.

James took the glass, sipping from it absentmindedly.

- What happened? - Q asked softly, sitting back next to the agent.

Noticing the young man's gaze wandering over his bruised neck, James sighed and was overwhelmed by shame.

- I've been bloody stupid: that's what happened - he mumbled, hiding his face in the glass.

Q hummed in response, not talking for a moment.

- I must disagree - the quartermaster responded and James puffed, knowing Q was expecting a real explanation of the events.

- I broke a glass - the agent eventually spilled out, his eyes lost in the water.

Q frowned immediately at James' answer.

- And she did this only because of a broken glass? - he snapped.

The agent nodded, before sighing.

- No...actually it's because...well let's say that I keep coming home late, I'm always abroad and sleep with other people - he stuttered.

- Well, that doesn't sound like a justification to me - Q bursted out.

James shrugged, the quartermaster's tone causing his breath to go uneven.

- That's what she said - Bond explained.

Of course, Q knew that James wasn't allowed (fortunately) to reveal his job to a partner unless said partner was long lasting and worth such a trust. Clearly, Lucy wasn't neither of those.

- I...she attacked me and I did nothing - the agent muttered, more tears forming in his eyes.

He felt how Q shifted, probably noticing the tears, and not being able to act as stoic and untouchable as always was driving him crazy.

- I'm a bloody double-0: how am I supposed to survive in the field if I let a civilian to this to me...without even reacting? - James snapped, his hands shaking in anger.

With an exhale, Q moved closer and took the glass away from James' hands.

- If you put a frog into boiling water, it will jump out immediately; but if you gradually warm up the water, the frog will notice something is wrong only when it's too late - he said and James immediately looked up at him, almost annoyed by the laughable typology of anedoct.

- What is that supposed to mean? - the agent asked, trying to not sound harsh.

- You survive in the field because you're expecting to be hurt, so you notice the bad behaviours first. Lucy has showed to you as a sweet person, because a lover isn't supposed to hurt you, and gradually started hurting you - Q explained.

James grumbled sceptically, finding easier to just blame it on himself than trying to convince his brain to do otherwise.

- Also, I know that you'd rather die than hurt someone you love - Q added, lowering his voice.

The agent found himself nodding in response, since he wasn't able to argue with that.

- Do you need medical assistance? - the quartermaster asked.

James' eyes went wide at the question and, quickly shaking his head, he grabbed Q's wrist as if the young man was going to go and call a doctor in a few seconds.

- Hell no - the agent snapped.

Q flinched when his wrist was grabbed all of a sudden, but didn't try to break free.

- Why not? - he questioned.

- I don't want them to know - James admitted, thinking about what others would think about 007 getting beaten up like that.

With an heavy sigh and a nodded, Q seemed to agree.

- Alright - was the answer, while the quartermaster kept scanning James' skin, visibly searching for other injuries.

As Q moved the collar of his coat in order to expose James' neck, the agent found himself flinching and fearing of moving back at the same moment. The quartermaster quickly stopped what he was doing as a result of Bond's reaction.

- I'm sorry: I was looking for wounds - Q explained and James nodded.

- There are only bruises - the agent assured him, noticing Q's sceptical expression, but was grateful that the young man didn't ask further.

With a sniff, James returned to look absently at the ground, stiffing in reproach about how weak he had been.

- I might need to alert M: this could be an hostility against MI6 and they could pay her a visit - Q eventually said.

James' head quickly raised at those words, but then he noticed Q's smart smile and smirked.

- Are you being protective? - James jested and the quartermaster chuckled.

- I'm just making sure she regrets your relationship as much as you do - Q explained and James' chest warmed up at the thought, causing him to smile sincerely.

The warm grew more as the quartermaster placed his hand on the agent's cheek, looking at him with a soft expression.

- That's the smile I want to see - Q murmured.

Part two here.

[kpop---scenarios]

Mated (3)

Mated (1) | Mated (2)

Pairing: Sehun x Reader / Suho x Reader

Genre: Wolf AU

Warning: Violence, Blood etc

Word Count: 2.1k

"Lay!" You call you, helping Sehun into the house. "It happened again." You sigh, helping him onto the couch as Lay comes over to take a look at Sehun's wrist. 

Again. 

"What the hell triggered it this time." Lay asks, examining the clearly broken wrist. 

"Look I'm fine. I heal quickly." Sehun spits, standing up. 

"Good, then I can fuck you up again." Suho spits, walking into the house, slamming the door shut. "Yanno Ayn, you're my mate too. You shouldn't play favourites." He spits at you. 

"I'm not playing favourites. As I recall, I spent the day with you yesterday." You say, justifying yourself. 

"You don't need to be an asshole." Sehun chimes in, making you sigh heavily. 

"Should I break your other fucking wrist?" Suho snaps, charging towards Sehun. "Maybe just snap your neck this time." 

"Stop it!" You yell. "What the fuck is wrong with you two?" You cry. You push between them, storming out to the yard to clear your head. 

You weren't sure how much longer you could live like this. The constant fighting between the two men who were supposed to love you unconditionally was emotionally draining, the fighting for your attention, one always making it seem like the other was getting more was draining, the fact that you couldn't stand to be in the same room with them together was draining. And it wasn't just your relationships with Sehun and Suho that were suffering, the pack was as well. 

Suho wasn't acting like the leader he should be, his temper was short, he wasn't the kind and caring man you once knew. He didn't care anymore, his focus was now beating Sehun in every single way possible, it was an unhealthy obsession they both had. 

Sehun was the same way. He had a hatred for his leader that he once considered a brother, he needed being the better mate, the better man, just all-around better. 

Their competition was exhausting. You were exhausted. 

You headed back into the house, grabbing your keys before taking off in your car, heading to the one place you hoped had the answers you desperately needed right now. As you drove you thought about your options, you loved them both, they each had their set of faults along with their good qualities but as of now, everything bad was overshadowing the things that were once good. 

"Oh my god." You giggle, running behind the couch. "Stop, please." You beg Sehun. 

"No." He laughs. "It's called payback, baby." 

You squeal as he lunges for you, running into the kitchen where you're grabbed by Suho. 

"I'll save you." Suho smiles, hoisting you over his shoulder and play fighting with Sehun to protect you. 

"Put me down." You say, lightly tapping his back. 

Suho sets you down and you look up at him, giving him a small peck on the lips. "My hero." You smile before walking over to Sehun and kissing him as well. "My other hero. I'm so lucky." You sigh, looking at the two men who love you most in this world. 

Before you knew it, you pulled up outside your parent's house. Your mom had passed away a few years ago but your dad still lived there, mostly spending his days sitting on the porch, drinking coffee while reading his book. He had a lot of knowledge in mates and you knew he would be able to help you out in your situation. 

"Hey, dad." You wave, getting out of your car. 

"Oh hi, bug." He chuckles, standing up to greet you. "What a nice surprise. What brings you here?" He asks.

"I need some advice." You say, giving him a small hug before sitting down next to him. 

"What's on your mind?" He asks. 

You pause for a minute, unsure of where to even start when your dad pipes up again. "It's the mates, isn't it? They're different." 

"How did you know?" 

"Despite there not being much research on it, I did see a Gemini mate once before in my lifetime." He smiles. 

"Well, what happened?"

** 

Sehun runs down the stairs, his body is tight, he's pissed off and ready to snap at any moment. He figures now would be a good time to go for a run, trying to get some aggression out while you're gone. Of course, he felt bad about putting you into the middle of his fights with Suho, but he couldn't help it. Even with how long it had been he was still jealous. You were never supposed to be with Suho, Sehun never wanted a mate he had to share but he adjusted to it, for you. But now enough was enough. He couldn't stand the way Suho looked at you, the way he smiled at you or spoke to or about you. Sehun needed Suho to disappear, and it needed to happen fast. 

He walks out the door, slamming it behind him, making the rest of the men in the living room jump. 

"This needs to end." Baekhyun sighs. "I can't walk on eggshells around them anymore." 

"I worry if I cough too loud." Chanyeol whines. "Suho yelled at me for breathing yesterday." 

"Things are tough but they'll get through it." Minseok sighs. "They have too." 

** 

Suho runs through the forest, not yet wanting to switch to his wolf form. He feels the burning in his legs as he picks up his pace, sweat dripping down his face as he pushes himself to do better. He knew he needed to be better, for you. But he was struggling because of Sehun. He wanted the whiny fuck away from you, if Sehun wasn't in the picture then things would be so much better. You'd be happier too, he just knew it. If only there was a way to cut the younger one from both of your lives. Suho knew it would be a big risk, somehow getting rid of Sehun, but you would eventually forget about him, and then finally Suho would be the only one in your life, the one that made you smile, the one who had your whole heart. That's all he wanted, was for you to be happy with him. 

**

That evening you sent a message to both Sehun and Suho letting them know that you wouldn't be coming home that night. You had too much on your mind and you just needed space to think about things. 

"You have to choose one, bug." He tells you. "There's no way around it. Wolves are extremely territorial creatures that do not do well sharing. It's a surprise you have lasted this long before things got bad." 

Thinking back you remember the first time you noticed them starting to get short with each other. 

"Get the fuck out of my way." Suho snaps at Sehun. You had been sitting on the couch with Sehun, watching a movie when Suho approached, snapping at the two of you cuddling before wanting to get in the middle. You honestly had thought he was joking at the time. 

"What are you doing?" You giggle. "You know this is his night." 

"Yeah, my night, now fuck off." Sehun growls. 

"Okay.." you pause. "Are you both serious?" You ask. You look at both men whose eyes are locked on each other, their chests heaving as they stare each other down. "What the hell is happening?" You ask, moving out of the way. 

"I told you, it's my night." Sehun growls. 

"What the fuck, you guys?" You yell. "What's wrong with you?" 

Suho shakes his head, coming out of whatever mood he was in. He looks at the two of you before apologizing and walking away. 

That was only the beginning. 

"I know." You sigh. "Maybe I should go and talk to them tonight." 

"Can't hurt bug. I love you." Your dad smiles, kissing you on the forehead. 

"Thanks, dad. I love you." You say, giving him a quick hug before running to your car. This talk couldn't wait until the morning.

** 

"Do you wanna come out?" Lay asks Suho, who was drinking a glass of water. 

"No." He answers, placing his cup in the sink before walking away. 

"How about you Sehun? You wanna join?" Minseok asks the younger man. He shakes his head no, his eyes never leaving the TV. 

"Try not to kill each other while we're gone." Baekhyun mutters as the rest of the pack leaves the two men alone. 

Sehun's breathing becomes heavier as he feels Suho still in the kitchen. He hated being even this close to him, he could smell the pathetic need for you from where he was sitting. 

"Christ." Sehun snaps, turning off the TV.

"What the fuck is your issue?" Suho spits. 

"You and you're fucking need to have her is my issue. She was mine first. Mine!" Sehun yells. 

"Well, now she belongs to both of us." Suho chuckles. "You just know if she chose, it would be me. You're too immature for her, she needs a man." 

"Doubtful she would choose you. You should hear the way she talks about you after I've shoved my cock in her." Sehun laughs. "Pathetic." 

"I'm done." Suho says. "I'm done with this two mates thing." 

"Good, so leave us the fuck alone." Sehun smiles.

"No. We fight for her." Suho says. "You and me, tonight. The winner gets to be her mate." 

"Loser dies." Sehun declares. 

Both men nod at each other before heading outside into the field where the battle will begin. 

Both men stand on opposite sides of the field, shifting into their wolf forms. They stand there on all fours growling at each other, each one waiting for the other to lunge. 

Suho takes the first leap, running for Sehun. Sehun takes off, both their bodies colliding, snarling at each other. 

Suho's mouth grips Sehun's neck, tearing a chunk of fur and skin off making Sehun yelp, but come back even more aggressive. He lunges for Suho, opening his mouth and comping down on his leg, twisting it to break. Suho claws at Sehun, using his head to knock him off. 

They both back away, dropping low as they circle each other, snarling and snapping, waiting for the other to lunge until Sehun does. 

** 

You sped through the dark streets, making your way onto the gravel road just before the house. Out of the corner of your eye you see two large, what look like dogs fighting in the middle of the field. You turn your head to look and instantly recognize the two wolves that were tearing each other apart. You swerve your car into the ditch, driving into the field before throwing it in park and running towards the two men you loved the most. 

"Stop!" You yell, your voice cracking as the tears fall from your eyes. You can smell the blood as you near them, both of their bodies are limping, tired and bloody. 

"Please stop." You cry, running closer towards them. You should have stopped, you shouldn't have run in any closer but you did. The moment Suho opened his mouth to lunge for Sehun's neck, you stepped in the way, his teeth gripping your neck and shaking before he realized what he had done. 

Within seconds Suho releases you and your body drops to the ground, blood spewing from your neck. Instantly they're both back in their human forms, huddling over you, trying to stop the bleeding. 

"Ayn.. baby, I'm so sorry. I love you. I'm so sorry... I'm so.. sorry." Suho cries as you struggle to breathe. You reach your hand up, stroking his cheek before your eyes turn over to Sehun who is kneeling in the grass, tears shedding. A tear rolls down your cheek as you hiccup, your rigid breath becoming your last as you fade into nothingness. 

Rage fills Sehun as he stares at the man who murdered his mate, the man who used to be his brother and leader but was now someone he didn't recognize. 

"You did this." Sehun calmly says. "You killed her!" He yells, getting up and charging for Suho who just kneels there. Sehun tackles him, knocking his beaten body to the ground. Suho barely fights, he lays there as Sehun wraps his hands around his throat. 

"Do it." Suho whispers. "Kill me. Let me see her again." 

Sehun releases his neck, standing up, towering over the man. "You don't deserve that." Sehun says, limping towards the house as he hears the other men running towards them in the field.

"What happened!?" Minseok yells, stopping Sehun before he reaches the house. 

He blankly stares at Minseok, trying to speak. "He.." he whispers. "He murdered Ayn." He finishes, moving past him to walk into the house, the fire that was once burning bright inside him was now gone, he was no longer mated. 

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

i hope this isn't weird but I've decided I like how you interact with this show (not something I can say for a lot of fans) and now I wanna hear what you have to say about Eric and Jenny's friendship. I have this image in my head of the two of them dying her hair pink in a VDW bathroom (Lily thinks they should've gone to a salon but that's no fun). feel free to talk for literally forever I'm actually obsessed with them ~ily

not weird at all! that's really sweet of you to say, actually. whenever i get qns like this, often the first place my mind goes to is fic, so if that's not something you were looking for, feel free to ignore the next 2 paragraphs, lmao. 

a lot of my jenny and eric feels are in these fics that i've written: "a remedy for bland sweet potatoes" (sort of like, a fix it but it doesn't fix anything - it's canon compliant and jenny & eric discuss some of the things jenny's done), as well as "the lights that stop me (turn to stone)" which is a post-canon blair/jenny fix-it in some ways, but is also a character study of jenny as a whole & there's a lot of j&e feels in there (jenny and eric are housemates! they look out for each other and defuse derena tension together LKHFKLDHG).

other fics that highlight some great jenny and eric feels (both of these are kinda sad KLHDFKLH) are "withdrawal symptoms" by lunasol28 and and "fell from grace (it left me in this place)" by @vanderwoodlings .

now i’m actually gonna answer your question........ putting it under a read more, ‘cause it got long!

anyway, to answer your question as much as possible - i have a lot of feelings and i'm not sure how best i can do them justice - i have so much to say about jenny & eric. @mysteriesofloves said this thing once about how jenny and eric's friendship sort of parallels blairena friendship, in the sense of like - you love this person so much and no matter how much you hurt each other, you find your way back together, and i think that's extremely true of them both. in a lot of ways, i feel like jenny and eric are each other's most important person - best friend, support system, family, all of that. unlike dan and serena, when jenny & eric find out about rufus and lily they're actually excited to be step siblings which i find incredibly cute.

there's also - i love the fact that during their first meeting eric tells jenny pretty much everything about how he's in the ostroff centre and why he's there, and jenny doesn't judge him or treat him any differently - instead, she shows up at his room later with board games, just to spend time with him. we see things like this at various points, i feel, where jenny & eric's lives are sort of unstable or at a low point in some way and they're both able to just be there for each other without having to do any sort of grand gesture.

there's also definitely, uh... while i see the blairena friendship parallels, i'd make my own danessa friendship parallels. much like dan and vanessa, jenny and eric are incredibly lonely, and also, deeply different. they're not like their peers at st judes/constance! they struggle to make friends, and they have to navigate that. in a lot of ways, the only real friend either of them has is each other, despite the fact that there are instances when they've let each other down or hurt each other.

@nocakesformissedith made a post that i don't have the spoons to find right now - one of her jenny masterposts - that's basically an image of eric and jenny and it's like, "don't ask gay people how we know each other- we know each other from being gay". and i feel like eric and jenny absolutely and totally had that specific intimacy of like. being queer and knowing you're queer and having sat with it for a long fucking time, in high school, when nobody else around you really gets it. to me, my lesbian jenny headcanon explains a lot of the jenny & eric closeness - it's like, when you're young and gay, your One Gay Friend feels like the ONLY person who understands you.... sort of because they are! navigating any form of queerness in high school is terrible, and i'm just glad that they had each other when they did have each other.

it’s so notable to me that like - even though j&e spent so much of s3 at odds/fighting, when jenny’s gone in s4, eric goes through a major downward spiral, with the whole damien thing and everything else. jenny was his anchor! she was the one person who made him feel a little less fucked up about everything, and a little less lonely. and as for jenny with eric - i feel like jenny’s really comfortable and open around eric, and unlike with other people, for the most part, doesn’t try to be someone else around him. part of why eric feels so alienated by jenny’s behaviour in s3 - other than the fact that she was mean to him and jonathan - i feel is just that the way she was behaving with him was fake, and whoever else jenny was fake around, she’d never been like that with eric before. this is more like my interpretation, though, it’s not necessarily stated by canon or anything.

anyway this got depressing!! i do have fun jenny and eric feelings, i promise. i bet they listen to music together and when they’re studying together, they draw in each other’s textbooks. they probably wasted time doing online quizzes together, and there’s definitely a trash tv show that is Their Garbage Show (probably much to dan and serena’s bemused annoyance in the sense of like ‘do you HAVE to quote that again?’). jenny and eric dyeing jenny’s hair together sounds like something they’d do!! (incidentally, in a script of the pilot that didn’t make it, eric had BLUE HAIR. it could’ve been canon and i am so sad that it was not!!! we came so close to getting it. blue haired little eric lives in my head rent free.) 

i think jenny and eric’s friendship is so special because it is SO normal, and literally nothing else in their lives is normal (im pretty sure i said this in some way/ form earlier) - in the sense of like. family issues. kids at school being mean. their own mental health being challenging. their lives are so complicated and heavy, both of them often end up needing to be more mature / adult than they actually are (lily comments during e’s 18th that eric has always been so “serious”, and i always think of how JENNY went to hudson and brought alison back because rufus & alison couldn’t resolve their marriage without their 14 year old daughter’s intervention, apparently). so yeah i do think they’d do all those bestie things - like, sleepovers, friendship bracelets, buying  matching clothes together, sending each other pictures of things like “should i buy this” - wrong generation, but if they were gen z kids they’d definitely have the biggest snapchat streak ongoing, and not in a performative way - they would genuinely talk to each other THAT much. 

also, for your consideration: imagine jenny and eric baking together!!! i think they’d be really serious about it, and they’d also have so much fun.

[cakers-2000]

~Stalker~ (Atsushi Nakajima X Fem!Reader)

I’m a giant fan of Bungou Stray Dogs so enjoy this Atsushi Scenario I also wrote on my Wattpad! I have a Dazai Scenario in the works right now so I’ll be posting that soon plus more Kokichi stuff cause he’s my baby

Also side note, Akira is just a name I used cause I didn’t want to use a character from the show! He’s just a made up dude!

Word count: 2.9k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I don't have anyone else to turn to, please help me."

You grabbed the bottom of your jacket tightly in your hands, staring down at your hands as you fought back your tears.

The people surrounding you, the Armed Detective Agency stared down at you, none of them saying a single word. You squeezed your eyes shut in a better attempt to hold back your tears. There was the sound of chair legs scraping on the floor and you heard a calm and soothing voice speak to you.

"It's alright. We're here to help."

You slowly lifted your head to see who was speaking to you. Your eyes locked with the gray haired boy you had seen when you first entered the building. He smiled sweetly when you locked eyes with his own. "So what did you need help with?"

"I need help with a stalker..."

An orange haired boy sat down beside the gray haired boy. A black haired girl wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, though he spoke to you as if this was normal. "A stalker?"

You nodded your head quickly and leaned backwards in your chair. "My ex boyfriend actually. We broke up about a month ago but he won't leave me alone.. He follows me everywhere, he even shows up at my house. I don't know what to do anymore..."

The black haired girl slightly pouted in your direction. "That's awful..."

The orange haired boy spoke to you once more. "If that's the case ma'am why haven't you gone to the police? Why are you coming to us? This seems to be more in their jurisdiction."

"I did." You bit your lip, trying to hold back your tears as you seemed to relive the horrible past month. "My ex... He's an ability user. They said that there was nothing they could do. I have a restraining order but no one's enforcing it..."

"I sympathize with your situation Ms..."

A yellow haired man was standing behind the two boys with a brown haired man. He was addressing you as he pushed up the brim of his glasses.

"(Y/L/N). (Y/N) (Y/L/N)."

He nodded in order to acknowledge your words. "Ms. (Y/L/N), I sympathize with you but we don't deal with stalker ex boyfriends in the Armed Detective Agency."

"Huh?" The gray haired boy turned around in his seat to stare at the older man with slightly wide eyes. "But Kunikida, he's an ability user and she needs help. We can't just turn a blind eye to someone in need can we?"

The brown haired man placed his elbows on the back of the gray haired boy's chair and nodded his head. "I have to agree with Atsushi-Kun. Wouldn't the President agree too Kunikida?"

The brown haired man was smiling brightly at the yellow haired man you know knew as Kunikida. He let out a 'tsk' seeming unable to fight against his words.

"Well just how do you expect to solve her problem Dazai?"

The voice came from a desk behind the group where a black haired man with rather childish clothes was sat eating through a stash of candy beside him.

"Well maybe you can help us Rampo~" Dazai held the same smile, as if trying to win over his coworkers.

"Mmm, do I have to?"

Your mind was racing, panic slowly setting in. This was your last chance. You had no one left to turn to after this.

"I'm willing to pay anything..." They all turned in your direction at hearing your desperate words and you moved to meet all of their eyes. "Just please help me! I don't know what else to do, or who else to turn to. I'm so scared I just want him to leave me alone..."

You hadn't planned to cry once more but you truly couldn't help it. You were absolutely terrified of your ex and what he could possibly do to you. The gray haired boy smiled reassuringly in your direction. His hand fell onto your own (which still gripped your jacket tightly) and you could feel the warmth radiating from him. As if magic, your fear seemed to wash away purely by this boys presence.

"Hey, don't you worry about a thing. We're going to help you." He glanced back towards Kunikida, eyebrow raised. "Isn't that right Kunikida?"

The man stayed silent for a long while until finally, to your relief, letting out a sigh. He pushed up the brim of his glasses and glared towards Atsushi and Dazai. "Fine, but this is your problem now, alright?"

Atsushi's grin grew wider and he nodded happily. "Yes! You can count on us!"

Dazai seemed to be smiling at the younger boy's enthusiasm, and didn't argue against Kunikidas' words. Instead he wrapped an arm around Atsushi's shoulders and smiled warmly in your direction. "We'll keep her safe."

You couldn't quite explain your sudden change but for the first time in a long time you truly felt safe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You want to what!?"

Dazai let out an unhappy sigh at hearing your protest. "(Y/N) please don't be difficult about this. I stayed up all night working on this plan."

"Don't be difficult!? You're supposed to be keeping him away from me, not having me invite him into my house!"

"It's a full proof plan! Think about it. He thinks you're inviting him over to kiss and make up but it's actually a set up. The second you bring him into the living room Atsushi and I will strike."

You still weren't entirely on board with Dazai's 'full proof' plan but he seemed rather proud of himself, boasting a huge grin as he drew little pictures of his plan on the whiteboard in the ADA's conference room. The door behind you creaked open and you turned to see Atsushi standing there, bundles of paperwork in his hands. He smiled in your direction and you smiled back.

He placed the stack of papers on the table in front of the empty seat next to you and sat in the respective chair.

"I've been doing some research on this ex of yours..." He flipped through a group of documents, muttering to himself and Dazai seemed to finally notice his presence. He put the marker down and leaned his elbows on the table, listening to what the younger boy had found. He finally seemed to find the document he was looking for and held it open to you, pointing to the picture of a male in the upper left corner. "Is this him?"

Just seeing his face made a chill run down your spine, but you examined the document nonetheless.

Akira Hatsume. 20 years old. An ice ability user with a past criminal record. This was him.

You nodded to affirm his question. "Yes. That's him."

Your eyes were clouded, so many thoughts running through your mind just at the mention of him. Atsushi seemed to notice your downtrodden look and held onto your hand reassuringly. "We're gonna get him."

You smiled back at him and there it was. The same warm feeling from a few days prior. You knew you were safe, you could feel it.

Dazai, unbeknownst to either of you had moved from the whiteboard to behind Atsushi, reading the document himself.

"Oh I know him."

"Huh!?"

Both you and Atsushi turned around to face him, confused looks on your faces.

All Dazai did was nod. "He's in the Port Mafia."

"H-How did you know?"

Dazai smiled at your shocked expression. "I have my resources~"

He thought to himself for a bit and his smile grew even wider. "Now this changes everything... Let's take five, I've gotta think of a new plan."

He grabbed a hold of both you and Atsushi's arms and pulled you out of your chairs. "Now while I'm reworking my plans," He shoved you both towards the door until you were out of the door frame and he could block the entrance. "Why don't you two get some dinner and get to know each other." He smiled towards Atsushi, "Bring me back some coffee would you?"

Atsushi tried to protest as his cheeks flushed. "Wa-wait Dazai! We can't just-"

"Have fuuuuun."

And with that the door closed with a bang.

And you were left alone with the gray haired boy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Is Dazai always, you know..."

You struggled to find a word to describe the older man that had practically just forced you on a date with Atsushi. Atsushi on the other hand only laughed and shook his head.

"Like that? Yeah, you get used to it."

You were currently both sitting at one of the tables in the cafe just below the ADA's office. You stared down at the coffee cup cupped in your hands, refusing to meet the boys eyes.

You were beyond embarrassed already. I mean, this Dazai guy had the nerve to kick you out of your own investigation and send you on a 'date' with Atsushi, a boy you hardly knew anything about! You glanced upwards to find that Atsushi himself held a small pink hue on his cheeks as he stared away from you and out the window next to your table. It seems that he himself hadn't agreed with his coworkers rather forceful demands.

"So, uh... (Y/N)."

You were snapped out of your thoughts when he spoke up. You instantly lifted your head to meet his gaze.

"Hmm?"

"I was hoping you could answer some questions for me."

You spoke rather fast as your cheeks heated up red. You had been caught staring at him. "Yeah sure! Ask away!"

"Well it's about Akira."

"Y-Yeah? What about him?"

"Dazai said he was in the Port Mafia... How did you meet him?"

"O-Oh, right... Well... We kinda ran into each other, literally." You ran your fingers along the rim of the cup, a melancholy look in your eyes as you thought back on your past. "He was mean, and aggressive but I kinda liked that. When he ran into me he actually insulted me quite a lot but I don't know I thought I'd give him a chance. Truly my worst mistake."

Atsushi stared at you vacantly before shaking his head as he saw you bite your lip, clearly holding back tears. He put his hands up and an awkward smile fell to his lips. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to pry! If you don't want to talk about it that's fine!"

You smiled as you wiped the few tears that had managed to escape your eyes. He truly was a kind boy. "No, no, it's fine. There isn't really much to say than that. I didn't even know he was a part of the Mafia until maybe a few days before we broke up."

"It sounds like you had a real rough time with him huh?"

His voice sounded rather sorrowful and you attempted to reassure him with a smile. "Atsushi... I wanna thank you."

He slightly tilted his head in confusion at your sudden proclamation. "For what? We haven't dealt with Akira yet."

"It's just... You were the first one to agree to help me. If it wasn't for you... I don't know if the ADA would've taken on my job."

"I'm sure they would've, they aren't heartless."

You nodded and opened your mouth to speak more but was interrupted by the sound of a phone ringing. Atsushi quickly grabbed at his side and answered. "Hello?"

You waited in silence, the only thing you could hear of the conversation was Atsushi's side.

"Yeah... Okay... Huh? Right now? But we still-... Yes... Okay I got it."

He quickly ended the call and turned to face you, a rather shy smile on his face. "Dazai's decided to take a breather for the rest of the night. It's getting late, we'll work more on your case tomorrow."

Your smile slightly fell at the information. "Oh really? I was kinda hoping we could get this done and out of the way..."

He seemed to understand your disappointment and held a hand out to you. "I'll walk you home, my treat."

"You don't have to do that, you already treated me to dinner which is more than I could ask for."

He shook his head in disapproval. "No way. It's late. I'd feel a lot better if I walked you."

It had been a long time since you felt this feeling. He seemed to really care about your feelings. You broke into a smile without even thinking about it and reached for his hand, allowing him to pull you out of your seat.

"If you insist."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The still night was only sliced by the sound of joyous laughter. Your walk home with Atsushi was peaceful and calm. Normally you hated silence but you had found that the silence between you two was comfortable. At least that was until you tripped over your own two feet. And although Atsushi had caught you before you hit the rough ground the two of you were sent into a fit of laughter and giggles.

You reached your property just as your laughs were starting to die down. You completely froze though when your eyes met with the man standing in front of your front lawn, staring down at the phone in his hand.

"A-Akira?"

You were paralyzed in fear, only able to whisper. Atsushi who had already put two and two together placed himself in front of you, holding a protective stance.

The man hadn't heard you but he still seemed to notice your presence. His head tilted slightly as he turned to face you, confusion evident on his features. "Who are you?"

"What are you doing here?"

Atsushi spoke for you and you honestly didn't mind.

The man seemed even more confused at Atsushi's harsh tone. "I was told to come here? I got an email from (Y/N) saying to meet her at home."

You moved yourself slightly so that you could peek from behind Atsushi. "I never sent an email."

"Then who did?... Wait is this some kind of set up? What the hell's going on here?" He pointed accusingly at Atsushi, eyes glaring. "Who the hell are you? How do you know (Y/N)?"

"Ah, he's figured it out already huh?"

No one could quite place where the voice was coming from, but you knew exactly who it was. Dazai.

"Figured what out!?" Akira was panicking at this point, unable to pinpoint Dazai's location. "What the hell is going on here!?"

Dazai stepped forward, you hadn't even noticed his presence in the shadows right beside you. "Akira Hatsume... You're the stalker huh?"

"W-Well I uh-"

Dazai seemed to be ignoring the other man's stammering. "Though I have to admit, for a Port Mafia subordinate you look like a weak little thing."

"Huh!?" Akira seemed taken aback at Dazai's words and drew his free hand from his pocket. "I'll show you who's weak you bastard."

Though Akira charged at Dazai with everything he had, Dazai finished the fight with in seconds and a single tap.

He grabbed hold of the mans arm and kicked his feet out from under him, pinning him to the ground with ease.

"Look, I don't want to escalate things any further so don't give me a reason to alright?" Dazai shook his head and let out a 'tut' sound. "Listen buddy, no more of that stalking stuff alright? If we find out that you're doing this creepy stuff again we'll make sure to use some more force next time, got it?"

The man nodded, the cold harsh look in Dazai's eyes seeming to scare him enough. "Y-Yes I got it. I won't bug her again."

Dazai seemed satisfied with this and let Akira's arms go. "Now run along little doggy. You don't belong here."

Akira ran off, tail between his legs and you couldn't help but smile. It was over. Thank god it was all over. You were free again. You didn't have to deal with him any longer.

"Hm? (Y/N)? Are you crying?"

There seemed to be genuine concern in Dazai's voice. You reached up to your cheek, feeling the liquid touch your fingers before shaking your head.

"It's nothing I'm just happy. Thank you guys, so much."

"It was our pleasure."

Dazai moved to stand beside Atsushi and gave the younger boy a nudge with his elbow. "Atsushi, isn't there something you'd like to ask (Y/N)?"

"Huh? Wh-What are you talking about Dazai?"

"Oh don't play me a fool Atsushi, you know what I'm talking about."

It took a few seconds for his mind to register but before you knew it Atsushi's face was engulfed in red. "D-Dazai th-that's-"

"If you don't do it I will."

There was a playful smirk on Dazai's lips. Atsushi let out a long sigh, knowing he wouldn't win against the other boy. "Fiiiiiine."

He moved his head back upwards to lock his eyes with your own and smiled. "So uh, (Y/N)... I had a lot of fun at dinner tonight... I was kinda wondering if you wanted to do it again sometime? I mean not as a date if you don't want! We can just go as friends, I just think you're really nice and sweet and..." He let out an awkward laugh, seeming to catch on to the fact that he was rambling. "You don't have to if you don't want to though..."

"You know what... I'd love to Atsushi."

"R-Really!?" He was taken aback, unaware that you would agree but smiled to calm himself. "I'm glad. I'll get ahold of you sometime and we can set something up soon, yeah?"

You had almost forgotten that you had exchanged numbers with the two boys during the first part of your investigation. "I'll look forward to it."

You could remember that summer night like it was yesterday.

You could always remember the day you fell for Nakaijima Atsushi.

[mental-health-advice]

Hey.

For a while I feel like my friendship with this person has become inherently codependent.

I didn't realise how much I needed to be needed by him until recently. I put a lot of my self worth on him and in the process put him above everything else. And I felt justified because he was going through a tough time. And I don't want to judge him, but he isn't exactly the best person. He can be extremely cruel to other people and selfish. But I never questioned anything he did because I wanted him to like me. I didn't neglect any other things like school and stuff. I kept on top of it, but most of my free time was taken up for him, having conversations that I really didn't want to and I enjoyed myself most of the time but sometimes I felt like I outgrew his company. I made up versions of him in my head that were so much better than real life. This was aggravated because we were all in lockdown and I couldn't meet other people. I've only ever known him through phone calls for a while and the two months we actually met in in person school were spent with him feuding against my other friends in his quest for power. I always found it impossible to pick a side in these situations, because the others were right but I wanted to please him too. I was incapable of refusing anything he said. I always had to hide away a part of me because I was afraid he wouldn't like me then. And he could be very controlling too. He thought he was above everyone and the school director kind of favoured him too, so he had a lot of plans for a very unsafe event. But then schools shut down again and he became really depressed and was suicidal and tried to pin everything on me at one point, just because I respected my mother's words. I tried to be there for him, and this went on for four months. I agreed to everything he said because it was easier than fighting with him. Now stuff hit rock bottom and the director has shut him out and told him to just get back to academics. Schools are opening this week and now he's really scared again.

I don't know what to say when he tells me his life sucks and that he doesn't want it. He's out of the extreme phase now and he expects everything to be handed to him without working hard for anything.

I knew he was someone who didn't care about other people and took joy in the sorrow of others but I always excused his behaviour. When things got too bad I stepped aside.

But apart from all of this, I always craved for him to call me. My happiness depended on his. I needed him to talk to me. And me only. I got insanely jealous and beat myself up inside. I worried so much about him but he didn't seem to care about me at all. When I tried to talk about my feeling it resulted in us fighting continuously, with him saying I didn't deserve him. I never needed him to respect me or my boundaries because I knew he was incapable of caring about someone else and that it wouldn't be worth my time. But now I can't take him just using me anymore. At first I just thought that I had feelings for him which caused my jealousy, but then he came out to me, but these still seem to persist. I just need him to come to me for any problem that he has, but that took a hit today, when I couldn't deal with him at all. I've read up codependent friendships and I think that's what is really going on in my head. I don't like him romantically I think, I'm just really insecure.

I don't want to be that person anymore. He doesn't respect my boundaries, my family or my interests. I'm not allowed to have an opinion because anything that he doesn't agree shouldn't be said in his presence. I feel like I'm stuck in the same place and unable to truly be myself. We are so different and my beliefs directly contradict his but I've never been able to express them to him. And he calls himself my best friend. Our other best friend, is kinda in between. She regularly argues with him and demands respect, but he doesn't even consider it. But when he has a problem we have to drop everything for him. And he accuses me of not trusting him. And he tells me not to say things that make him angry rudely but he doesn't do the same for me when I tell him calmly that I don't want to talk about something. He's really condescending too, and acts as of nothing matters but him. And because of the lack of going out, he was the only solace I have.

Despite this I still deeply care about him. This morning he was groaning continuously, and I told him that everyone had problems, he completely turned on me and said that I didn't get to say anything because my life was fine and that his was way more difficult. He acts as if he knows everything about me and assumes that I will be fine no matter how hard his words are. And he's kinda right, because I always come back to him. This same person told me a few minutes ago that everyone one in our grade was fine and that nothing was wrong and that someone should die, so that their life sucks. So he'll be fine if someone died and if they shut the school and the state, so that he doesn't have to deal with the consequences of his actions. He even has the nerve to whine about how he doesn't deserve any small hardship that comes his way. But life's hard and he doesn't seem to realise that there is life after your senior year in high school. He seems to think that this is all that matters. We're just sixteen and he acts like this is all we ever have. I don't know how to help him. He says he has a bad home life, but I don't know how that excuses him being a horrible human being to others for no reason. And he is privileged. I tell him to work hard this year, and next year in college he can do what he wants. But he says he wants the life of a film star without lifting a finger.

I feel like it's my responsibility to fix his issues, but he's the only one who can. I can't help someone who isn't willing to help themselves.

Moreover he doesn't even care about anything that other people are going through stuff too. And he called me selfish for implying that the world doesn't revolve around him. I've always tried to be there for him, and I still want to, but I don't think it's good for both of us. We're toxic to each other. Sometimes I wish his problems were magically fixed so that we could go back to being normal friends instead of the complete wreckage we both are.

He says no one understands hima s if he was accusing me of not caring enough about him. But I felt like I hit a breaking point and that I couldn't just nod my head anymore. I'm human being with issues of my own but he doesn't give a damn.

I can't even talk to him normally, I have to thread around eggshells to keep him happy, but I'm never happy with him. He says I don't act enthusiastic to his ideas. I hate his ideas but I'm always nice about it. I don't shut him down. I hope he gets the things he wants even if they aren't to my liking. And today he calls me boring and attacks me for not liking marvel. I mean come on can't I even have an opinion on a movie? I said I liked a ship in it ( it was a comfort ship that helped me escape) and he said I didn't have a right to have an opinion because I hadn't watched all the movies. Fandom is something that gives me joy and keeps me grounded and today he attacked something that I thought no one could. My imagination. My ability to create worlds in my head. The worst part, we met because we were both Harry Potter fans. And now he doesn't even feel like that. I helped him edit and write his debut novel. I feel like that person who believed in something is gone. He even admitted to just using me for my knowledge in the beginning.

I still feel sorry for him though. I'm really sorry if I've rambled on for too long. This has become more about him that it has about me.

I still really like him and feel that we can be friends if he starts to try to help himself and if I get rid of my insecurity and jealousy when he talks to other people. My brain is illogical. I don't want to have to deal with all of his issues all the time with no regard for myself, but I don't want him to confide in some else either.

I hate this person that I've become. Who cares about no one but him. I tried to use his issues as a shield against the problems going on in my own life. I try not to let anyone see that I don't have my life together either, because I feel bad about bothering others with my issues, when they have a million struggles of their own, but isn't that what he's doing to me? He disregards my feelings but I'm still very much obsessed with him.

I've lost my sense of self respect completely, and I pushed away other people for him.

I need to stop being codependent on him, and start at least liking myself.

Please help me. I'm sorry if this is too long. I seriously needed to get this off my chest.

And I apologise if I bothered you with my silly problems. I know there are more important things in the world but I seem stuck here. I don't want to appear ungrateful for anything so I pretend that everything is fine. And honestly I feel like I can never be not okay with a wonderful mother like mine. Oh and he hates her too. I just can't seem to win with him. My dad though is a whole nother issue.

This guy gets on my nerves, but I still need him to be happy too. But I shouldn't have to carry that burden. Right?

Hey there,

Due to your Ask being so long, we kindly ask you to resend your Ask and try to keep to our new 700 word limit if at all possible. Long Asks are very difficult for us to answer as there is just way too much information for us to take into account which means that often the Ask will be in our inbox for a lot longer as we don’t always have the capacity to answer them.

We hope that you understand and we are sorry for the inconvenience!

I hope that you are going well!

Take care,

Lauren

[alexhogh7137]

Rule The World with Me-

Ivar the Boneless × Reader

Chapter Fourty is here...

The Epilogue

Word Count 1.8k

Warnings: only fluff

_____________________________________

Five years ago today, you gave birth to a beautiful daughter, Ivar named her Freya: the goddess of love, war, death and beauty. She has your red hair and Ivar's eyes. Baldur is now six years old and is absolutely obsessed with his little sister. He is joint at her hip twenty-four, seven. You remember the day that she was born, when he saw her for the first time, he laid his head on her tiny little belly. When she was born, he started to be able to speak some words and learned her name fairly quickly. Ever since that day, they have been inseparable. You and Ivar have raised two miracle children to be the best little humans that they could possibly be.

Today is Freya's fifth birthday and Baldur wants to get her something special since we got him his first bow and arrow for protection when he turned five. 

Baldur "Dad, can we go?"

Ivar "Go where son?"

Baldur "You know…" Ivar realizes what he was talking about and gets up to get ready. 

Ivar "Ah yes, of course. Are you ready?"

Baldur "uh huh!" He runs out of the door, Messiah chasing him around the house. You watch your husband throw on some clothing in admiration.

"Where are you two off to?"

Ivar "Well since Freya isn't in here...Baldur wants to get her something special."

"He is too good to her." He smiles and agrees. 

Ivar "I know. We raised him to be a nice young man."

"I cannot believe our little girl is turning five Ivar."

Ivar "I know my sweet, time goes by too fast when you have children. But at least we are here to witness it all, yes?"

"Yes, you are right. I love you, you two be safe. Take Messiah."

Ivar "No no, you and Freya need Messiah, we will be fine. I love you." He kisses your lips long and hard.

__________________________________

Ivar takes Baldur into the woods, specifically where he found Messiah with Hvitserk all those years ago. 

Baldur "Thanks for taking me, daddy. I really want to get her one."

Ivar "Of course, my son. Messiah loves you very much, you know that right?"

Baldur "Yeah! He is my best friend! I want Freya to have a best friend too."

Ivar "Well you are her best friend, Baldur."

Baldur "I know, dad. But I want her to have protection like we do with Messiah. When we take Messiah, I want her to have her own."

Ivar "I know, sweet boy. Come on, let's keep looking." 

Meanwhile, you and Freya are at home waiting for her aunt and uncles to arrive. Hvitserk has never missed an event, gathering, birthday etc. Ubbe has but that is because he could not leave Kattegat during some of the gatherings. 

"Are you excited to see uncle Hvitserk?"

Freya "uh huh!" She has learned quite a vocabulary, but like any kid, she struggles with some of them.

"What do you think your brother is getting you?"

Freya "I don' know..maybe a new dress?!"

"A new dress!"

Freya "YEAH!" 

"That would be cute, little one." You pick her up and sit her on your lap while you relax on your throne. Messiah is by your feet, looking up at you both. He starts whining for attention, making Freya giggle. 

Freya "He's licking my feet!" She says as she giggles.

"Ewww he's licking your tooties?!" She is a laughing mess, "does it tickle?"

Freya "Yeah!" You pet his face, making him stop licking her. All he wanted was some pets, he is like a pet dog, always wanting cuddles and pets. You blame Hvitserk for that: when Messiah was a wolf pup, he was always cuddling him, holding him in his shirts. Nowadays, Messiah wants to be cuddled around the clock. You absolutely love it though, without Messiah, it would be so different and difficult. You and Messiah have gone through a lot together and he has always been by your side. He is like your third child!

"My queen..princess, Hvitserk and the other's have arrived."

You gasp, "Ya hear that!? Uncle Hvitserk is here!" She screeches in excitement and hops off of your lap and runs to the door, Messiah by her side the whole way. You walk close behind and just admire your daughter running to her uncles. Hvitserk spots her little red curls a mile away and runs to her, throwing her up in the air and catching her.

Hvitserk "There's my little girl!! How have you been, huh?"

Freya "Good!"

Hvitserk "Oh yeah, where's momma bear at-?" 

"She's right here!" He looks down at you walking right up to him. He smiles and hands Freya to Ubbe and Torvi so that he could hug you. Like always, he picks you up in his arms and twirls you around. 

Hvitserk "How have you been, momma?"

"Good, busy busy. You?"

Hvitserk "Good, better now that I am with all of you, where's Baldur and Ivar?"

"They went out to find Freya a present for this afternoon. I don't know when they will be back."

Hvitserk "Oh, very good. I have missed you."

"I've missed you more. As soon as you leave I miss you like crazy!"

Hvitserk "I know, little sis. I love you dearly."

"I love you too." You lean into his side and watch Ubbe and Torvi gush over your beautiful daughter. 

Torvi "You got your mother's beautiful hair, I'm jealous!"

Freya giggles, "Thank you!" 

Ubbe "And she has manners...what a lady!" He walks over to you, hugging you tightly. "You've been good, yes?"

"Yes, of course. How are you and Torvi?"

Ubbe "Good! Ivar hasn't been giving you trouble has he?"

"Oh never! He treats me very well."

Ubbe "Good, I am glad to hear it Y/n."

Hvitserk is playing around with Messiah as you three catch up. Every time they come home, it is always the perfect day.

__________________________________

Baldur "Dad...do you see that?" He stops and looks down at the ground. There are tiny animal footprints in the dirt. 

Ivar smirks at his son, "Follow them, we are close son." He thanks the gods because he is starting to get very sore from walking for so long. Over the years, he has been able to walk without his crutch. Another blessing from the gods. After a moment, Baldur runs towards something.

Ivar "Baldur! Don't run off, y'know I cannot run!" 

Baldur "I see one!" He stops and gets low to the ground. When Ivar gets up to him, he leans to the side and sees a black wolf pup.

Ivar "Oh...so precious."

Baldur lifts the pup up and check's it's gender, "It's a girl, Dad!"

Ivar "Oh that is perfect! She will be smaller than Messiah."

Baldur "How small?"

Ivar "Only a little, son. She will be perfect for your sister."

Baldur "I have the perfect name for her!" Ivar looks down at his son and smiles.

…

After around fifteen minutes later, Ivar comes in but Baldur does not. He greets his brothers and you of course.

"Ivar...where is our son?"

Ivar chuckles, "He is outside, my love."

Hvitserk "Why is he outside?"

Ivar "He is outside because he has Freya's present."

"The present couldn't come in?"

Ivar "My love..just trust me," he picks Freya up into his arms, "Are you ready to see your present?"

Freya "YEAH! What is it!?"

He laughs and you all walk outside. After a few steps, you see your son holding a tiny wolf pup in his arms and you immediately melt. Messiah runs to Baldur and sniffs the new wolf pup. Freya is screaming from her excitement.

Freya "IT'S A WOLF PUP!" 

Ivar "Freya..meet Asena. She is your protector."

Freya "She...mine?"

Baldur "All yours sis."

Ivar "Your mother and brother have Messiah for protection, he is trained to protect them so now you have Asena." 

Freya "I...thank you!" She starts to cry tears of joy and wraps her arms around her father's neck. You are crying as well, this is such a beautiful, moving moment for you and your family. Because Ivar is holding Freya, you lean on Hvitserk. He sniffles away his emotions and rubs your shoulder.

Baldur "Want to hold her? She is super soft, just like Messiah!" She softly nods and Ivar puts her down. Seeing your daughter have her own beautiful wolf is so special and precious. Ivar looks at you and smiles. He reaches out to you and he pulls you into his arms. 

"How are your legs, my love?"

Ivar "They are sore, I'll probably use my crutch for the rest of the night. I don't want to push my luck."

"I think that will be good," you look down at your daughter, "She is so adorable, Ivar."

Ivar "Isn't she? Her name means she-wolf in Norse...Baldur thought that you would love it."

"I do love it. It suits her."

Ivar "She is much smaller than Messiah was when we found him all those years ago."

"I love her already. Baldur came up with this idea?"

Ivar "He did, he came to me last night while you were reading Freya a bedtime story. He told me that he wanted to get her a protector like we have Messiah and of course, how could I say no?!"

"He loves her so much. I can't get enough of them."

Ivar "It is because they are all ours, my love. We made them, they are our little babies and they always will be. Even when they are fighting their own battles, winning their own wars, getting married and having their own kingdoms, they will always be our children." You are in tears at this point because he is absolutely right. You are so in love with your family that your heart could just burst.

"You are right. I love you so much Ivar, thank you for being an incredible father."

Ivar "And thank you for being an incredible mother, and for making me a father. I love you beyond words, kitten." He kisses your lips and then you all pay attention to Asena. She is just as kind and as gentle as Messiah. Your lives have gotten better and better as the years went on and now Asena is in your lives and it just got even more blessed with love and happiness.

Hvitserk picks her up in his arms and giggles, "Can I take her home?"

Ivar "Absolutely not!" You all laugh. Freya is beyond happy with her gift and is so thankful for her older brother. When you get inside, she is holding Asena while sitting on her brother's lap. The sight is heartwarming. 

Ivar "Happy birthday, angel."

Freya "Thank ya daddy!"

Baldur "Do you love her?" Freya simply nods and he smiled and kissed her cheek. Ivar grabs your hand and looks up at you, "We did good baby."

"Yes we did, beloved."

_____________________________________

40 long chapters later and this story ends. I honestly poured my heart into this story and I loved creating every chapter. This story was my first and it will be my favorite story that I will ever write for Alex. The support that I got for this warms my heart, I have gained friends from this and I am so thankful for everything!! I hope you all loved the ending, get ready for my next series coming soon...

@hvitserkmarcosource @youbloodymadgenius @ivarthebloodyking @desiredposion @saldelys @ivarsgoddess @heavenly1927 @a-mess-of-fandoms

[bobasheebaby]

125 How I Met Your Mother Prompts

More prompts this one is mega long but broken up by character. I think it’s a pretty good mix of funny and angsty. Break at 15.

Barney Stinson

1 “You know what NAME needs to do. He needs to stop being sad. When I get sad, I stop being sad, and be awesome instead. True story.”

2 “A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth.”

3 “ It's going to be legen...wait for it...and I hope you're not lactose-intolerant cause the second half of that word is...dairy!”

4 “Suit up!”

5 “Believe it or not, I was not always as I am today.”

6 “I realized that I'm searching, searching for what I really want in life. And you know what? I have absolutely no idea what that is.”

7 “Every Halloween, I bring a spare costume, in case I strike out with the hottest boy/girl at the party. That way, I have a second chance to make a first impression.”

8 “Whatever you do in this life, it’s not legendary unless your friends are there to see it.”

9 “Three days. We wait three days to call a man/woman, because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait... True story.”

10 “There’s three rules of cheating: 1. It’s not cheating if you’re not the one who’s married. 2. It’s not cheating if his/her name has two adjacent vowels. 3. And it's not cheating if he’s/she’s from a different area code.”

11 “I peed in an alley which happened to have a church which I did not see because I was drunk.”

12 “I'm such a mess. Why do you even like me?” “I guess, because you're almost as messed up as I am.”

13 “In my body, where the shame gland should be, there is a second awesome gland. True story.”

14 “Do you have some puritanical hang up on prostitution? Dude, it’s the world’s oldest profession.”

15 “Here’s the mini-cherry on top of the regular cherry on top of the sundae of awesomeness that is my life.”

16 “God, it’s me, NAME. What up? I know we don’t talk much, but I know a lot of guys/girls call out your name because of me.”

17 “Okay, pep talk! You can do this, but to be more accurate, you probably can’t. You’re way out of practice and he’s/she’s way too hot for you. So, remember, it’s not about scoring. It’s about believing you can do it, even though you probably can’t. Go get ‘em, tiger!”

18 “De — wait for it — nied! Denied! We’re goin’ out tomorrow night.”

19 “Step six is called purg— wait for it. Keep waiting. Keep waiting for all of eternity only to discover that there’s no escape —atory.”

20 “I think tonight is going to be de — wait for it — lightful.”

21 “Ted, tonight is gonna be — wait for it — dary! Wait, no, that’s not it. How do I usually say it?”

22 “You watch, NAME, tonight is going to be legen— it’s the night we stole a camel! Which means it will be full of drama —dary.”

23 “I’m just gonna grab this star to put on top of the tree. It’s gonna be legend— wait for it —merry.”

24 “Haaaave you met NAME?”

25 “Challenge accepted!”

Robin Scherbatsky

26 “Oh, come on, ref! I haven't seen that much hooking go unpunished since my last trip to Vegas.“

27 “Just be yourself. Say something nice.” “Which one? I can't do both.”

28 “Before you know it, you'll be marrying a man/woman who once ate a vanilla-scented candle!” “That was on me. I shouldn't have left it in the kitchen. Though, it was lit. Man, he/she dumb.”

29 “Destined? Aren't you tired of waiting for destiny, NAME? Isn't it time to make your own destiny?“

30 “NAME was great.” “Exactly, and you threw it all away to chase after some hot piece of ass.” “You mean you?” “Thank you!”

31 “Oh, we're busting apple bags? I can bust apple bags.“

32 “NAME, I am not ready for them to find out about us.” “Then you're gonna have to stay in there for the entire trilogy. Don't worry, it's only 382 minutes.” “Nerd!”

33 “You know NAME? Been thinking about it. Guess it's kind of nice you're such a bad-ass.” “It's pretty bad-ass you're so nice, NAME.”

34 “14 seconds! And already some dingdong is stepping up, thinking he can get some of this broke off.”

35 “But timing is a bitch.”

36 “Well, maybe this isn't a breakup. Maybe this is two friends getting back together.“

37 “There's something between us. Maybe my head was saying, 'nip it in the bud', because my heart was saying something else ...”

38 “I just finished a seven-day cleanse.” “I thought you just started that yesterday.” “I finished early, okay?”

39 “NAME! I just had a great idea!” “Oh, do whatever you want to me, just don't wake me up.”

40 “Okay, I've missed you. Not in a 'we're gonna make out' way, not even in an 'I forgive you' way. Just in an 'I've missed you' way.”

41 “I may not love you the way you love me, but I do love you.”

42 “But ... umm.”

43 “Why am I constantly looking for reasons not to be happy?”

44 “Oh, that’s right. I’m alone.”

45 “I’m gonna give you summer teeth ... some’re here, some’re there.”

46 “You can’t run back to the past because it’s familiar.”

47 “Nobody asked you, NAME.”

48 “It’s one thing to not want something. It’s another to be told you can’t have it.”

49 "I am never going to have closure. Okay, closure doesn't exist."

50 “You are going to miss out on something great.”

Ted Mosby

51 "If you're not scared then you're not taking a chance. And if you're not taking a chance, then what the hell are you doing anyway?"

52 “You can ask the universe for signs all you want but ultimately we'll only see what we want to see...when we're ready to see it.”

53 "Nothing good happens after 2:00 am… when 2:00 am rolls around, just go home and go to sleep."

54 "The more you fight it, the worse it’s gonna get. It’s like when your car slides on ice, you steer into the skid."

55 "Sorry, Peter. We're grown ups now, we can't fly to Nevrland with you anymore."

56 "I wound up shame-eating the whole pizza. I woke up all greasy and sweaty. My sheets looked like what they wrap deli sandwiches in. Maybe I should join a gym. Do you go to a gym?"

57 "People make fun of the guy/girl who stays home every night doing nothing, but the truth is that guy/girl is a genius.”

58 “Love doesn't make sense! You can't logic your way into or out of it. Love is totally nonsensical. But we have to keep doing it or else we're lost and love is dead, and humanity should just pack it in. Because love is the best thing we do.”

59 “Everyone has an opinion on how long it takes to recover from a breakup.”

60 “There are a lot of little reasons why the big things in our lives happen.”

61 “There are two big days in any love story: the day you meet the guy/girl of your dreams and the day you marry him/her.”

62 ““I’m crazy about you. I think we should be together. What do you say?” “Yes. No. Maybe.” “Those are the three options.”

63 “The littlest thing can cause a ripple effect that changes your life.”

64 “It's kind of insane how much happened in just a day and a half.”

65 “Whether a gesture's charming or alarming, depends on how it's received.”

66 “Because sometimes even if you know how something's gonna end that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the ride.”

67 “Shouldn't we hold out for the person who doesn't just tolerate our little quirks but actually kinda likes them?”

68 “I used to be in such a hurry all the time. Everything was so urgent. Now I figured, if it's going to happen it'll happen when it happens. I'm not going anywhere, he’s/she's not going anywhere. What's the rush, right?”

69 “I think for the most part if you're really honest with yourself about what you want out of life, life gives it to you.”

70 “We spend so much effort trying to keep parts of our lives hidden, even from our closest friends, that in those rare times when we do open up, it's amazing how minor those secrets all end up being.”

71 “You may think your only choices are to swallow your anger or throw it in someone's face, but there's a third option: You can just let it go, and only when you do that is it really gone and you can move forward.”

72 “I'm sorry, when I'm excited I abbreviate words I shouldn't.”

73 “We gotta wait for the real thing, no matter how tough it gets.”

74 “When you believe in people, people come through.”

75 “If you love something, you can never let it go. Not even for a second. Or it's gone forever.“

76 “Hey ref! Check your voicemail, I think you've missed a few calls!“

77 “Turns out, when you projectile vomit on skates, you roll right into the spray.“

78 “NAME, if you asked a hundred people: 'Who's the worst person you could possibly date?' They'd all say 'your therapist', except the ones saying 'NAME'.”

79 “Sometimes our best decisions are the ones that don't make any sense at all.“

80 “We've always been a trio! We're right up there with Batman and Robin and Alfred. Romeo and Juliet and the apothecary. Salt and pepper and cumin.“

Lily Aldrin

81 “You guys dated before. That time counts. The clock doesn't reset to zero. It un-pauses from where you left off.”

82 “We struggle so hard to hold on to these things that we know are gonna disappear eventually. And that’s really noble.”

83 “You can’t just skip ahead to where you think your life should be.”

84 “I know it's a mistake, but there are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to really know it's a mistake is to make the mistake and look back and say 'yep, that was a mistake.' So really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake, because then you'd go your whole life not knowing if something is a mistake or not.”

85 “Yes, I'm in a rotten mood. No, I don't want to talk about it. Yes, this has booze in it. No, it's not my first.”

86 “The 'no more surprises'-thing is the best part of being married.”

87 “So, what do you want to do tonight? Drink ourselves blind, set a car on fire? Oh, watch a movie that doesn't start with a desk lamp jumping on top of a capital 'I'?”

88 “Baby, you're like 20 slutty chicks all rolled into one.” “Sweet-talk is not gonna change my mind!”

89 “So this is what you guys do? You invite other couples over for dinner, to judge them and feel superior?” “Oh, grow up, NAME, that's why any couple invites anyone over ever!”

90 “I think my soul just threw up a little bit.��

91 “Your heart's talking to you, NAME. Do you have the guts to listen to it?”

92 “I don't care if the dishes aren't done, okay? If you care, you do it.” “Great, then I don't care if you have an orgasm. If you care, you do it.”

93 “Who wants hot-wings?” “I'm in... or maybe we should just pour hot-sauce on NAME, since he's/she’s a total chicken.”

94 “I hate how you're always right.” “It's my best, and most annoying, trait.“

95 “Sex now, we'll do the foreplay after.“

96 “NAME check it! Three blond babies drinking bad-decision-juice at eight o'clock.”

97 “If you keep lying to me, if you keep cutting me out of decisions, if you keep using words like winning and losing when you talk about our marriage, you are going to lose me.”

98 “Why not just say goodbye to the bad things?”

99 “Say goodbye to all the times you felt lost, to all the times it was a no instead of a yes, to all the scrapes and bruises, to all the heartache.”

100 “Where’s the poop, NAME? Where’s the poop?”

Marshall Eriksen

101 “Hey I have given up peeing in the shower for you!”

102 “Why does he/she keep doing this? He meets them. He/She likes them way too much. He/She goes way too big too soon. He/She ends up blowing it. I can't take this any more. He's/She’s fallen in love so many times now.”

103 “Ow! Paper cut ... Death is all around us.”

104 “This is a pie chart describing my favorite bars. And this is a bar graph describing my favorite pies.”

105 “It's a little late but WHAT THE BALLS IS THIS?”

106 “Hey baby, it's me. Can you bail me out of jail? I thought I saw big foot in Central Park so I tackled him. But it turned out to be Russell Brand.”

107 “Being in a relationship is hard. And committing, making sacrifices it's hard. But if it's the right person, it's easy. Looking at that guy/girl, and knowing he’s/she's all you really want out of life, that should be the easiest thing in the world. And if it's not like that then he’s/she's not the one.”

108 “Here's the thing, NAME. I'm snuggly. You're not. Who wouldn't want to snuggle up next to this business on a Sunday morning? Wrapped in comfort and it's raining outside and there's muffins warming in the oven. I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.”

109 “He’s:She's never seen Star Wars?! NAME, the only people in the universe who haven't seen Star Wars are the characters in Star Wars. And that's cause they lived them, NAME! That's cause they lived the Star Wars.”

110 “Love died. The love that made you all believe in love, that's dead now.”

111 “I’ve never asked NAME to do anything ‘no questions asked’ because I never wanted to. He’s/She’s the love of my life. I never keep anything from him/her.”

112 “Happy Slapsgiving!”

113 “This is what I miss about being in a couple. I always had someone to go to concerts with, or farmer's market, or brunch. God, I miss brunch!” “Well, I guess you could - well, you could try going to brunch alone.” “Oh, you don't think I've tried?” [FLASHBACK]  “Table for one.” “One... Couple?” “Um, no, just me.” “Really? For brunch?” “You're right. Who am I kidding?” [Leaves restaurant. End of Flashback] “Oh, the Popover Pantry! That place is great. Can we go get brunch tomorrow?” “Of course, sweetie.” “Can I go with you guys?” “Really? For brunch?”

114 “That’s life, you know. We never end up where you thought you wanted to be.”

115 “That cake. Best cake I ever had. Seriously, my stomach was like, ‘Hey bro, I don’t know what you’re eating cause I don’t have any eyes but it’s basically awesome, so keep sending it down Gullet Alley.’”

116 “Revenge fantasies never work out the way you want.”

117 “I’m a good boyfriend/girlfriend in my sleep.”

118 “You have to let me dance my own battles.”

119 “One good deed leads to another and another.”

120 “Look at us, riding around in a limo, eating hot dogs…it’s like we’re the president.”

121 “All hail beercules!”

122 “I don’t know what to do with my hands. What do I normally do with my hands?”

123 “Hey, baby.” “We hate NAME now. Get on board or the sexting stops.” “NAME’s a son of a bitch!”

124 “Are these chicken wings or angel wings? God, I love these things.”

125 “Oh, and you think you can step up to me? To me?!”

[writersperpetualblock]

Breakfasts in a broken home.

A/N; Cuz I’ve got a major crush on older men. This was originally written as a Jeffrey Dean Morgan × Reader thing but halfway through I changed my mind to my very neglected baby Chris Evans of whom I never write anything. So here is.

Summary; How much can a broken marriage hold when there is nothing left to hold on to? You can try to ignore it, you can try to run from it. But the truth will always catch up to you.

Warnings: Sensitive topics such as depression, malnutrition and divorce.

••••••○

Reader PoV.

Waking up was hard, the air felt chilly even when the sun was already high up in the sky. A soft sigh escaped me as I turn around, half expecting my husband to be lay sleeping by my side. Half expecting him to be on the other side of the country, working.

Not surprisingly enough I find the second one to be the truth. Neither confusion nor disappointment drowned me anymore, now it felt more like a huge wave of empty crashed inside me. Just last night he had gone to sleep on this bed, craddling me in his arms, even after our heated fight. I closed my eyes, and without warning a tear escapes me. I knew what I was getting into when I married him, I knew he'd always be trapped in tons of work and have important things to take care of all the time. It was just sad that I wasn't one of those things anymore.

I could not gather the strength to get out of bed. I simply couldn’t. Not today. Not without my Chris.

Someone slowly knocked on the door. I was quick to wipe the tears from my eyes, hoping anyone would come through the door but my son.

“Come in” A skinny girl pushes the door open and enters the room head down. I was never a fan of having maids, but Chris insisted he wanted to give me the best care whenever he was away. And after a while of what would have been very lonely weeks at a time, I came to appreciate their company.

“Joan” I acknowledge the girl just a few years younger than me and with a baby boy near my owns age. She carried a tray in her hands and much to my dismay I sat up and instructed her to leave it on the night stand. She did so and gave me a small but bright smile.

“Mrs Evans, the kids asked earlier if they could go to the town’s annual fair that's taking place in a few hours. Of course Matteo wished to come ask you himself but I told him you were still asleep“ her brown eyes scan me, as if trying to decide what my reaction is going to be.

“I don’t see why not.” I try to give her a smile “Thanks Joan, you may take them yourself. I'll give you some money for the boys. Buy icecream, cotton candy or whatever they want and bring them back for dinner, all right?”

She nodded and walked out of the room with a smile. Then her head popped at the door again. “I will get them ready now and I'll tell Mateo to come say hi before he leaves.” She trailed off, seemingly unsure of her next words “He has not seen you out of bed in days Y/n.”

My eyebrows rise at that, and she closes the door behind her. Can't be mad when she's telling the truth, but the reprimand isn't exactly appreciated.

Taking one look to my breakfast I sigh, I didn’t feel much like eating today. But with Joan's words pounding in my head, I knew I needed some strength. If not for me for my son. But before anything else I reached for my phone to send out a single text.

: Where did you go?

As I awaited a response I slowly got out of bed and heade to the bathroom between dizzy steps, trying to recall the last time I had more than a granola bar and chocolate to eat. Not being surprised by the fact that I didn’t even remember. While brushing my teeth I managed to avoid a glance at the person on the mirror. Not wishing to see her swollen cheeks, or the dark circles under her eyes or her mistreated skin. After a layer of particularly pink lotion to my face and a cold water rinse I felt a tad more awake, trying not to sprint inside the bedroom at the first ring of my phone. No, instead I took my time drying my face and putting some handcream on. Finally heading out of the bathroom and straight torwards the phone.

Chris♡: They called me in to retake some scenes. Will be home by night.

Of course. The phone found itself being dropped back in the bed rather harshly. Like we didn’t have a marriage emergency going on.

I almost chuckle, marriage emergency… what kind of selfish bitch was living within me. It was his work, mostly what gave me and my son the spectacular roof over our heads and brought food on the table since I pretty much quit my job. I shouldn’t expect it to be less important. It’s not like his family was at stake here.

Suddenly shutting my senses to my thoughts I attempt to shake them off my head. But I can’t. All I do is contradict myself, all there is is a never ending inner fight with myself and it was making me lost. I had a son to look after. I needed to be more supportive of my husband. Of myself when it came to that. But I felt mentally and physically exhausted. And it needed to stop. Start with your breath...

When I consider that I have collected myself enough to pick at my breakfast and turn around there is an expectant little figure by the door. And I feel the wind knocked out of my stomach.

I gave him a small smile. “Hey baby” he quickly runs up to me and my body crouches on instinct, lifting him from the floor and squeezing him into my arms. I breath in the scent of his blonde waves. For a moment, all of my inner fight had dissipated. All of the struggle forgotten for a second and there is a smile on my lips. A true smile.

“Good afternoon momma” he wraps his short arms around my neck. My nose itches and for a second I think I may cry.

“oh I love you baby” I reply, sitting him on the bed. The pain on my lower back not going unnoticed as I do so, but I have mastered the art of acting and sit next to my son.

“Adrian is still getting ready momma, can we watch tv?” he looks up at me, baby blue eyes sparkling, just like his father’s do. "Mhmm" is all I get out. Could my own kid look less like me? It's as if Chris made him solo and I simply carried and gave birth to his offspring that had nothing to do with me.... maybe the nose.

We sat back on the bed. Matteo watching a cartoon, and me trying to eat my food like a little girl being watched eat, almost obligated. With a sigh I take a spoonful of oatmeal to my mouth. It wasn’t bad really, warm and creamy. I eat half of the plate and share a cookie with my son. We both lean back on the bed, Matteo with his small body against my side. I took a second to enjoy it but it didn't last. Joan knocked on the half open door, her son by the hand. "We are ready to go!"

Matteo smiled widely and jumped off the bed, sprinting towards them but stopping in his tracks and heading back to me. I giggled as he left a loud kiss on my cheek and then ran again to his friend. I instruct Joan where to find some money and she smiles, thankful. When their steos are out of earshot I turn the tv off and fill the bathtub with hot water. Deciding to make myself useful or something on this day.

It had been sometime since I'd last taken a nice bath. It was really cold outside so normally a quick shower would suffice, and I'm sure it was more than a day ago since the last one. Yes, I should be ashamed, but I didn't care too much. It's not like I was doing anything too exciting inside these many, many walls.

••••○

Answering the 14th call of the hour a hand runs through my hair as I sit down on the small bed of the trailer.

"Hey Chris, what's up?" There's a tone of worry that I recognize.

My head starts spinning with possible answers, but I shake my thoughts away. "I'm fine, it's just Y/n."

"Oh, is she doing okay?"

"Not really." there's a pause as he gives me time to get my thoughts together "She isn't getting out of bed. She barely eats, she doesn't spend time with our son... I feel like it's my fault, because I'm always away and I've neglected her so."

"Hey I don't think it's that, she knows you need to be away Chris, I'm sure she understands that even if it's hard. And she can take care of herself."

"Yes I know she understands, but, just last night we had a fight. It was the first time I'd been home for weeks and she fights with me."

"You guys have a son that's 3, just couse she understands I don't think it's any easier on her, so you gotta give her some credit."

"I'm worried that she doesn't pay attention to him, what if he thinks it's because of him? I don't know how she might treat him when I'm not there."

"Chris! you know better than anyone else how much she loves Matteo. I couldn't possibly think of her as much as putting her hands on him, much less being mean."

"I know... I just worry, and all kinds of things just come up in my mind."

"Well you need to home more man, if you don't even know how things go in your house maybe it's time you quit."

"What? Scott I signed a contract, I can't just" my back hits the bed with a loud creak and I shut my eyes.

"Break it, I'm not saying it's forever. But you both have a lot of money. It could probably sustain you guys for a lot more years. Your wife needs you brother, and so does your son."

"I can't just..."

"Chris this is your freaking family!"

"I know dammit I KNOW!" Inevitably hot tears fill my eyes and I have to wipe them with the back of my hand.

"What are you so afraid of?" Scott asks and it makes tears to well up again.

A shocked sob came out with the next words "That she's gonna want to leave."

"Chris, Y/n loves you more than a human being can love. You can go and fix your marriage now, or you can keep working until the amazing woman that sits at your home sinks into a bottomless depression that drowns her and your son with her."

My brother's words hit me. I knew it was getting bad, but I was too scared to deal. It was easier being away and pretending I had a happy marriage at home waiting for me every time. But reality was creeping in more and more, I noticed that yesterday.

"What did you guys fight about yesterday?"

"Uh.., my drinking."

"Chris... you're not abusing it are you?"

"No I'm not, I just, had a few glasses because I was finally home. After weeks, and she got mad, said Matteo shouldn't have to see me like that, and I got mad because I really wasn't drunk," My head hurts at the memory of it "it got heated... fast, and I threw a glass against the floor and she got scared and I just... I feel like she sees me like stranger Scott."

"I would see you as a stranger if you were never home and on top of that started acting up when you were. I think you guys should take sometime off, talk things and maybe go to couple's therapy or some shit, I don't know. But you two have a kid, spend some time with him, don't fuck him up just because the two of you have problems. The jobs not worth it, the money's not worth it, at the end of the day, nothing is worth more than your family."

"I fucking hate when you get all deep with me" I chuckle, sitting up and resting my fforehead in one hand.

"That's only because I'm right." my brother laughs too.

"How about you? Are you guys doing alright?"

"Don't worry bout us, we're still on the honeymoon phase"

We both laugh and say our goodbyes, having my brother pep talk me. I knew I had to get my family back, even if I hadn't really lost them, yet. But I needed the incentive to do so.

Reader

The baths I prepare are pretty damn good, dare I say so myself. Laying back on the water, taking a few deep breathes. It does wonders. And suddenly an idea pops in my head.

When I was somewhere around 18 I struggled with depression for years. And one of the things that helped me through that was to write down how I felt, how I wished to feel and how I could improve my situation. It was how I took writing as one of my hobbies.

So I started typing away on my phone.

I know I am not as pretty as I used to be.

I never was too perfect, or perfect at all.

And I'm conscious that my body might not look desirable anymore.

Maybe, I never deserved your love.

Or maybe it was you who didn't deserve mine.

But we made it through the hate,

we had something so beautiful.

We made life.

And I wish things could go back to being so beautiful.

But I would still love you if you decided that I'm not enough for you anymore.

I will accept anything.

All I know for sure is just that this can't keep on like this.

We deserve to be happy.

I deserve to be happy.

For the good of the life that we created,

for the good of our son,

we must get better

wether that is apart or together.

"I had forgotten how much I suck at this." I laughed at myself, but that was fine, because it got the message across. I think.

I hope.

Divorce wasn't something new to cross my mind. I just never thought I would want to discuss it, not so seriously. My parents were divorced, and my mom and I did fairly good. My dad did great on the other hand.. It wasn't that I was scared of it really, because I considered myself capable enough.

My only fear was that I would never move on from Chris, I loved him still. I have loved him since our first kiss. But sometimes it felt as if I barely knew the person that I loved anymore. My heart was still clinging to his, but my mind could not be any more distant right now.

If I really wanted to save our marriage I had to act now. But I couldn't do it alone, and that was exactly how I felt that I was.

The water went cold, and I stood up grabbing the nearest towel. Stepping out of the bath I bent down to unclog it, and when I stood back up my ears rang.

I held onto the wall for a second, and it only got worse. The room obscuring and spinning at the same time. I am not sure if I slipped or if I fainted, but I could surely say there was a bit of blood running down my forehead.

And when I finally came back to it, I was already on an ambulence.

"Ma'am. Mr. Evans is on his way, you're okay."

My eyes went to the back of my head, it felt as if I'd been on a damn carousel for hours. What the hell was happening to me?

There was a distant voice asking me things, and all I could reply was dizzy and nauseous several times.

I fucked up, who was going to take care of Matteo. I couldn't take care of him in a hospital. He needed me by his side.

"You should have taken better care of yourself."

[ivyace]

A cursed love (P3)

This chapter will be a little different than the others. Once again, abuse tw and a reminder that Harry found a way to bring back everyone, including his parents and wolfstar.

P2 (P1 is linked at the top of P2)

Bill Weasley couldn't get back soon enough.

Finally, when Bill got back, Remus Lupin let out a breath of relief when he heard. Sirius had been getting more and more aggressive, sometimes violent. Though Remus knew that Sirius never meant any of the pain he caused Remus, Remus was getting to breaking point.

Not that he could ever let Sirius know that. Knowing how much he'd hurt Remus would destroy Sirius.

That night, Molly Weasley was hosting a dinner to welcome her son home.

It was the first time Remus and Sirius had gone out together since the curse. Remus made himself busy by helping Molly at every opportunity.

No one seemed to notice

When the festivities had died down and everyone was chatting in the kitchen, Remus pulled Bill aside.

He took a deep breath and began to explain.

Bill's face darkened with every word.

"So you're telling me you've essentially been living with an abusive partner for the last month and a half?" Bill near-shouted.

"It's not his fault!" Remus insisted.

"I don't give a rat's arse whose fault it is! It's not fair on either of you!" Bill exclaimed.

"I know! But he's Sirius! He would never hurt me if he could help it!" Remus said firmly, defending his boyfriend.

"I know. I'll come over to your place tomorrow, see what I can do," Bill informed him.

Sirius Black was struggling with going out. After barely speaking to anyone outside of work, being sociable was hard even without a curse.

"Sirius, mate! How have you been?" James Potter sat down next to his best friend.

"Yeah alright. You?" Sirius replied absently.

"Good. Cor, I haven't seen you in ages! You look exhausted, sure you're alright?" James enquired earnestly.

"Yeah, just tired. Lots of things happening up here." Sirius tapped his head, trying to be as honest as the goddamn curse would let him.

James's face softened with sympathy. "Right. And Remus?"

"Remus is Remus," Sirius said through gritted teeth. The curse wanted to ruin Remus's reputation, say something awful.

"Right, because that conversation with Bill over there looks really intense," James commented.

Damnit, Sirius thought. The curse immediately dragged Sirius over to where Bill and Remus were standing.

"Let's have a little chat shall we, Remus?" Sirius grabbed Remus by the arm and dragged him away.

Bill Weasley had fought many battles, conquered many foes in the Wizarding War. None of this prepared him for the look on James Potter's face.

"You're going to tell me right now what's going on!" James demanded, his voice deathly quiet.

"It's not my place. I don't think they'd want you to know," Bill argued.

"Are they in danger?" James asked.

"Yes- I mean, maybe. It depends," Bill rambled.

"Then I don't give a rat's arse what they want, tell me right now what's going on!" James exclaimed.

"I can't. I think it truly is in their best interests if I don't," Bill said firmly.

"Then step aside." James pushed past Bill into the room where Remus was blocking blow after blow from Sirius.

"PADFOOT, WHAT THE FUCK?!" James hollered, grabbing his best friend by the collar and dragging him away.

"It's not his fault James! Don't hurt him!" Remus pleaded.

"What do you mean, don't hurt him?! Did you see what he was doing?!" James yelled.

Bill, in the background, muttered a temporary curse-breaking spell. Sirius leaned against the wall, a figurative weight visibly leaving him.

"It's a curse, it's not his fault!" Remus protested.

"A curse- what? Someone explain!" James demanded.

"It's what you get for messing with some old wizard," Sirius explained, in a crouching position with his head against the wall.

"Explain." James's voice was cold and dark.

"I begged him to leave Prongs, I swear! It's this damn curse. It makes me do horrible things! I hate it! I would rather be dead than like this! I would rather be dead than hurt Remus!" Sirius confessed.

"Sirius..." Remus's voice was gentle.

"If you want to hold him, you can. I put a temporary curse-breaking spell on him," Bill said.

James had never seen his two friends move so fast, embracing each other in a heartbeat.

"Remus, my love, I am so sorry," Sirius whispered into Remus's shoulder.

"I forgive you. I always forgive you. It's not your fault," Remus reassured him.

"How long will it last?" James asked.

"Two hours at most," Bill admitted.

James needed a drink.

They sat at the coffee table, Sirius and Remus with their hands clasped together.

"So what do we do?" James asked.

"I've been asking myself the same thing for the last month," Remus admitted.

"Lily and I could stay with you?" James offered.

Remus shook his head. "I don't want you exposed to that risk."

And you should be? James thought bitterly.

"Remus needs to stay somewhere else," Sirius, who had been silent for most of the conversation, said hoarsely.

"No!" Remus said firmly. "Whatever we face, we face together."

"This isn't something we can fight together!" Sirius protested. "You're getting hurt all the time! I hate it! You need to leave!"

"Together forever. We promised," Remus reminded him. Sirius slumped against his shoulder.

"Well, this can't be it. Are you sure you can't just take it off?" James asked Bill.

"No. A curse like this has to be broken in small amounts. If you try to break it all at once, it strengthens the curse," Bill explained.

"If you don't mind, we'd like to go home now," Sirius said.

"Yeah, course mate. But don't think you're getting out of this. Lily and I are coming over to protect Remus." James hugged his friend goodbye.

"I wouldn't expect any less," Sirius replied.

When they got home, Remus and Sirius held each other until Remus found himself asleep. It had been so long since either of them held each other that Remus enjoyed every moment and fought the exhaustion for as long as possible.

As he drifted off, he felt Sirius kiss his head.

"I love you Moony," Sirius whispered gently.

"Love you too," Remus mumbled, before slipping into the land of sleep.

When he awoke, Sirius was in his usual place in the lounge. The two hours had passed.

"I love you," Remus said, moving to answer the knocking at the front door.

"Get the door." Sirius didn't even turn around.

And as he heard his friends come in, Sirius Black felt content in his mind.

[itsonlyamindfuck]

Sertraline.

I had to. I had to but the bullet. I had to say to myself that enough is enough. For years I've been battling deamons, just like everyone else. Mines no worse than yours or yours, mine.

Things have came to a head over the last few months, month to be specific. Even though I had an amazing opportunity in front of me, I still managed to fuck it up. All I had to do was be normal, was to listen properly. Instead I allowed the depression, the anxiety, and my insecurities to take over and control my actions.

These actions have to stop.

They must stop now.

I explained previously how I lost control of my temper, and scared someone so important to me. I did this again today.

Last night I made stupid decisions. Contemplating the same thoughts I've had for. Months. About quietly, and gently slipping off to the night. I was drinking, self harming, hating myself, spoke to my sister on the phone and worried the life out of her. Then my ex (baby momma to be reffered to as "T" ) text asked how I was, and it all went wrong from there. She came round to talk me out of it. To try and stop me. Which she did. And for that I'm thankful.

About an hour later, the girl I was seeing ("A") turns up outside my flat but didn't buzz, just sent messages on snap. After telling me that she would never see me again, understandably why given the recent days. Telling me she had been abandoned by her friends, the one who she has been there for constantly, emotionally, financially, supporting her through thick and thin. And was alone and screwed, could she stay at mine.

I was shocked and before I could reply she was gone. I read the texts and seen she was scared. I didn't read the text properly. She said she couldn't come up because she was scared. Scared of me, she didn't feel safe with me anymore.

I looked at T and told her I had to be with A, in my confusion that something was wrong, that she needed me. I abandoned the mother of my children with taxi fare whilst I drove drunk to see A. How fucked up is that? I just won't learn. A asked me months ago that if she needed me, no matter what I was doing or who I was with, would I be there, and that's all that was spinning in my head. Not that there was a chance to be back together, but just to be there for her completley. Even though she didn't need me at all, she didn't want me, she kept saying she was fine, but i wouldnt believe it till I saw it for myself.

I got there and fast forward, she was talking to me, fighting so hard to keep it back, then the first quiver came, and then the tears flowed. I took her in my arms and told her it was OK. A few minutes go past and she pushes me away, scared telling me that she thought I was going to raise. My hand to her the other night. I'm ready to die at this point. I've affected this girl so badly with my temper, my actions.

I stay and sleep at the foot of her bed. And manage to get a couple hours sleep. I didnt want to leave her.

I find out in the morning that T had been talking to her before I got there. Telling her it was A's fault I was opening my skin, that she should leave me alone. A wants me gone anyway, that's not the point though. T shouldn't be contacting her the way she had.

My doctors appointment was at 1015 with a wonderful Dr. He gets it.

I told him how bad things have been, how the thoughts and sadness had got worse, the anxiety. About the time I broke down infront of my kids just the other day. Couldn't look at them without feeling total sorrow. The drinking, the harming, the constant thoughts of death.

The last time we met he asked me if I want antidepressants, which I've always been opposed to for my own self, not in general, but for me it was something I had never even entertained. I've thought about it alot, researched the different kinds of SSRIs and SNRIs. Read about common side effects, considered which would be better, with or without a sedative. We had a conversation and I opted for the Sertraline rather than the Mirtazapine.

Pick up my prescription and head straight back to A's. Taking my first little blue tablet on the drive over. Head is spinning, emotions and thoughts going wild. Even though my sister has just phoned to say she has taken a day off work to come see me.

A tells. Me to leave, she doesn't want me around, it's too late for appologies, nothing has changed between us, and that I shouldnt have came around in the first place last night, as usual I don't listen. She apologised for reaching to me in the first place.

I left and went to Ts where my mum and sister were waiting, and I unloaded everything on them. I shouted at them, told them their interventions in my life have fucked everything up, that I'm not a teenager and they should keep out of my business. Obviously none if this is true, I'm the architect of my own demise, to which I'm well aware. It's a bad argument. The worst I've had with my family, again still treating people like shit. Eventually I left.went home and curled up into a ball. My sister comes up later and we talk, I appologise, she listens, talks. Were good with each other again. Thankfully.

So there we have it. Im starting on a path I'm terrified to walk down. To get better. To heal. To be a better person. To learn from my mistakes and never to repeat them.

I'll be alone for this journey, noone else needs to be hurt by me. This isn't a bad thing. It's just something I have to do on my own.

Perhaps one day, a long time down the line, I'll be ok enough to meet someone, to talk to them and put trust in them, to feel and show love again. Although right now I only want that one person. I know it will never be a possibility, but im struggling to let go.

I want to hear people's experiences with antidepressants. I need to hear your stories.