#fig def holds this over them

[goodomensguy]

Fabian and Riz fall asleep while waiting for the other's at Basrar's

Bonus

[megbimbo]

john marston; stitch me up, buttercup

a/n; mfw i go into a coma after every post, anyways this has been collecting dust for ages and i don't know why i didn't post it? figs def helped me write it tho. props. I FORGOT TO MENTION ty for also being an awesome photographer @thisfanisgonesorry hugs!!

cw; john takes care of you after a cougar attack, he's a bit of a grumpy pants. fluff.

wc; 1730

You rested your head on Arthur’s back as your arms stayed wrapped tight around his waist, trying to not wince or groan as he rode you into camp, Charles close behind. Blood was coating your entire lower half, a good portion of your pant legs being ripped away from your body. Camp was getting closer, you could tell, the familiar scenery that surrounded your temporary home becoming visible to you.

Shifting slightly, you lifted your head off of Arthur, who had been silent the entire ride back besides the occasional panic, bickering, and checking if you were alright. You groaned at the movement.

“We nearly there?” You mumbled, just loud enough for him to hear you. The sunlight peeked through the trees, almost blinding you entirely.

Arthur exhaled. “Almost, you alright?”

“I think so.” He nodded, Charles coming closer to the two of you to speak.

His smile was sincere, trying to cover the obvious concern on his face. “How’re you feeling, y/n?”

“Like hell, but I’ll be ‘right.”

“John won’t like hearing about this,” he said, raising his brows and looking over to Arthur.

In response, Arthur chuckled, the vibrations sending shivers as you rested your head on his back once again. “He ain’t gotta find out.”

Raising a brow, you took a mental note of the severe pain you were in, extremely doubting Arthur’s words. “Not find out that I’m covered in blood? Really? Camp ain’t blind.”

He nodded, fully aware, though he didn’t say anything. Probably exchanged a glance or two with Charles.

You closed your eyes, the ambience of camp coming into earshot. Probably the usual bickering and people crowding around the campfire, like usual. Made you wonder how they’d feel when they saw you. “I don’t want no trouble,” you said. “Just wanna get some rest.”

Arthur mumbled something in agreement, as Charles moved in front, probably to shield whoever was around. You lifted your head, acknowledging your surroundings. Everyone was either at the campfire, playing poker, or doing chores. It was then that you noticed John tending to the horses, and you knew you wouldn’t be able to hide your quite obvious injury.

It seemed neither Charles or Arthur could, either. The minute they both went to go hitch their horses, he immediately noticed, stopping the two of them, which included you on the back, dead in their tracks. Whether he noticed the blood or you first, who knows, but he didn’t look pleased. The hay bale he was holding hit the ground with a ‘thump’ as he dropped it, storming over. Tears began to form in your waterline as you turned your head away, knowing you wouldn’t be able to bear his reaction.

Charles tried to make conversation with him, meanwhile you sobbed quietly as Arthur poorly tried to comfort you. “Shh, we can’t have him knowin’ ‘bout this.” He knew there wasn’t a lot he could do, but he was trying his damn best.

Eventually, he sighed, as John approached the two of you. You turned your head back to face him, the tears streaming down your face as you were drenched in your own blood. He looked pained to see you.

“Y/n? Who did this?” he snapped, his raspy voice making it all the more intimidating, as he stared holes through his metaphorical brother.

“We went on a hunt, as you know, and, well.. it didn’t go all too well.” He wasn’t wrong. There was a cougar worth good quality that the three of you were set on killing before anyone else could. You each split up your own ways, your dumbass going the way towards the predator. Before you could even defend yourself, it attacked you, leaving you practically near death as the two men tried to shoot it, but it simply left. “Cougar, it was. The one we wanted.”

John immediately reached for you, helping you to dismount Arthur’s horse, as he wrapped his arm around you, supporting your weight because he knew damn well you wouldn’t be able to walk anywhere alone. “Did you kill it?” he asked, glancing around to notice no one else was nearby, taking a few steps away as he glanced at you, frowning.

“Well.. No.”

His eyes widened as his brows raised, looking absolutely gobsmacked. “You’re fucking kidding me? Y/n nearly DIED and you didn’t KILL THE FUCKING THING?!”

“John-”

“No, no! That’s the most bullshit I ever heard outta you!” he said, raising his voice and throwing his free hand up. “Someone nearly got killed, and you’re just gonna let the fucker live? You’re outta your GODDAMN MIND!” 

Hearing the commotion, some of the camp rushed over, including Dutch. “What the hell’s going on?” 

“Three of ‘em went hunting’, not only did Y/n nearly get killed but they didn’t even kill anything! Dumb bastards can nearly get a girl killed but not bring any game!” John yelled, the music from Dutch’s monograph in the faint background.

“Sort it out, will you? I shouldn’t have to parent grown men,” Dutch plainly said, not paying you any mind, and walked off, the rest of camp lingering to see what happens next. Hosea walked after him, most likely to have a talk about the interaction that just happened.

Now that he was gone, John took the opportunity to get closer to Arthur’s face, speaking in a hushed tone. “I don’t care if you nearly die doin’ it, but you’re both goin’ back out there and you’re not coming back till it’s fuckin’ dead.” To which he simply nodded, said something to Charles about ‘leaving these two be,’ and they both turned, riding out of camp and back into the wilderness they just returned from. You could hear Charles mock Arthur, saying ‘John ain’t gotta find out,’ as they did so.

He turned you towards his tent, slowly walking the two of you there, enjoying the silence, but most of all, your presence. Whether he’d like to admit it or not, he knows you could’ve died out there, and he’s grateful to have you. When people would approach, asking what was wrong, he’d hush them and say he had it covered. As the two of you approached his tent, he opened it, sitting you down on his cot, taking the moment to really take in your state.

“John, he was hurt too. You didn’t have to do that,” you said, weakly putting a hand out to grab his wrist.

He took note, sitting down on the bed next to you, staring into your eyes as he wiped the tears and blood off of your face. “He’ll manage, love. I’m worried about you. I mean, look ‘atchu. Still pretty, of course, but beyond fucked up.” Reaching to grab a box, he gave you a peck on the lips, opening it and grabbing out a few items, setting them down on his lap. “I’m gonna have to stitch you up, that alright?” You nodded, as he grabbed a cloth, dunking it in a bucket of water, as he cleaned the blood off of you in a nearly tender way. “You’re gonna be alright, I promise.” John’s voice that was yelling a few minutes ago had quietened down to soothe you, occasionally kissing you.

Afterwards, he picked up a different rag, dousing it in whiskey before using it to disinfect your wound. When you’d clench your teeth, or ball your hand into a fist, he’d notice, mumbling quiet words of praise

You smiled softly, looking down at the deep wounds. “You don’t have to do this, y’know.”

“‘Course I do,” he grinned, in an almost joking way, as he reached for a needle and a thin string. “Had to do this to myself, you’re lucky I’m a professional now.”

“You should be a doctor.”

“Hell no,” John responded, laughing for a moment, starting to stitch your wounds up. Occasionally, you’d make a squeamish face or grit your teeth together, to which he spoke in an attempt to comfort but also lighten the mood. “Got mauled by wolves ages ago. Hurts like a bitch, don’t it?” “You don’t say,” you commented in response. You remembered hearing briefly about this, but most of the camp agreed to not bring it up. He chuckled quietly, but didn’t comment.

John’s dark eyes softened as he continued to take care of you, humming to himself as he cleaned your wounds and stitched them. The warm lighting from the lantern shining on him in just the right way, and when he finally finished, he sighed.

“How’s that?” he smiled, putting everything back in the box and setting it aside once again.

“Still feel like hell, but better.”

He nodded, muttering a ‘good, good’ as he got up, grabbing a pair of his pants from his wardrobe, setting them down on the bed. “Wear those instead.”

Instead of trying to argue, you did just that, casually changing in front of your lover, even though he promised to not look, standing in a corner with his back to you. When you gave him the clear, he got back on the cot, laying down and tapping next to him. “You should rest.”

“In your tent?”

“Yes, in my tent. I don’t bite.”

“Bet those wolves did.”

He seemed taken aback by your joke, but laughed anyway. “I’m being serious. You need sleep.” You gave in at the promising offer of cuddling up next to John, as you laid in his arms, his hands running through your hair. 

“John?”

“Hm?” he said, looking down at you.

“Know I’ve said it a hundred times, but you didn’t have to do all of this for me.”

In the moment, he brought a finger to your lips. “Shh, let me feel proud, buttercup.” To which you nodded, and the two of you cuddled in peace.

Suddenly, he spoke up, breaking the silence.“You’re so pretty, you know that?”

“Really?” You whispered, looking up at him, as he looked head over heels for you.

“Yeah. Even when you’re all bloodied up, ya still look perfect.” He mumbled, pausing briefly, before continuing his love drunken ramble. “Just glad to have you, that’s all. Happy nothing worse happened.” You snuggled into his touch at his sweet words, as you dozed off in his arms, knowing that even if you didn’t get the cougar, you instead had John Marston all to yourself.

[jq37]

The Report Card – Fantasy High: The Seven Ep 3

Let’s Split Up and Look for Clues! 

Welcome back to the Seven and the Museum of Adventuring. My previous pronouncement of combat was a little premature but hold tight, we’ll get there. For now, we’re back with Antiope who just saw a glimpse of the Ending of Things (aka, Ending) and is freaking out a bit. She tells the others and they all do various checks to see what they can find out.

Ostentatia casts Commune With City and clocks that there is some kind of abjuration shield magic on the government buildings in town, stopping them from being spied on. She also clocks some lingering undead-ish magic and a weird divination effect on Antiope, specifically on the Aguefort logo of her jacket, like someone scryed on her and just got that she had something to do with Aguefort. At this, Penny reminds her that the only true piece of info they gave Ending when they broke her out is that they were from Aguefort.

Sam with a 19 Insight still feels the connection she and Ant have with Ending because of their spells turned against them in the initial encounter. Yelle does a Perception check (27) and once again doesn’t really get bad, dreadful, menacing vibes. But also, she recognizes that she’s chill with a lot of things most people don’t love. 

Antiope reiterates that she texted Charity that she’s interested in the internship so she can learn more info--even better now that they know the buildings are safe from scrying. Yelle remembers Aguefort’s warning about people watching them and Sam asks Zelda if her “weird boyfriend” (“he’s actually really cool”) is friends with the elven oracle. Zelda says yeah, they’re both friends with Adaine, she can ask about any weird divination stuff. Sam makes sure to specify she should look into TK but NOT Ending, no doubt remembering what happened when she tried to do a spell on her. 

It’s been a big day as Zelda says so they all go to the TGIF-esque Slappy McFinnigans to celebrate (which Sam has problems with--the fact that they’re celebrating I mean, but she’s mainly ignored). They’re quickly kicked out because Katja can’t help herself from trying to brush the mane of their centaur server and they reconvene at the more their speed SlamBurger, where a horse can fully destroy a soda machine to absolutely zero reaction.  Zelda says that Ostentatia was right in that they should all do the quest because it doesn’t close any doors and they have the 2 weeks to figure things out. They all seem a bit more on the same page (though Sam is still pretty frosty towards Ant) and start making plans.

Before they leave, Yelle pulls aside Ant and Sam and says hey, first of all, you two are still linked to Ending from before. Second of all, I know y’all are Going Through It right now and you don’t have to talk about it or make up right away but you need to get your heads in the game and you need to know that you’re both loved and still family. 

Penny, Zelda, Katja, and Ostentatia go back to the museum to try and get more information for their quest. Katja goes to the information desk (horse in tow, of course) and just starts asking information about TK. She’s told that she’s one of the museum’s benefactors and has been missing for years, and hey, do you understand that a museum’s info desk is about where the water fountains and exhibits are, not just random information about the world?

Ostentatia bails her out by calling her over so she can do her plan which is just to walk into the back area like she owns the place. Now, Aguefort students do have a certain level of clearance to be back there and she does have her school ID. But instead of explaining that, she tried to use her Earrings of Diamond Charm to charm the employee she runs into which fails. And then she does a pretty good tag-team lie with Katja about how they NEED to pass a class but that doesn’t fly. Then Ostentatia tries flirting which ALSO doesn’t work. Zelda at this point steps in and just headbuts the dude so they can book it away. I personally would have gone with, “Do you know who we are? We killed the dragon that’s your current main exhibit,” but you know. No backseat adventuring. 

While this is happening, Penny is stealthing like a pro, looking for anything Arcana related. Ostentatia and Katja also did checks (O getting a nat 20) and we’ll go through all their info gathered now. 

Katja basically gets info on TK we kind of already knew. She was a benefactor of the museum. She’s centuries old like Aguefort. She was concerned with consciousness and divinity and specifically how will and divine will manifested, as well as elemental magic.  

Ostentatia gets a lot of info with her Nat 20. She gets a full map to the temple where TK went which is called the Temple of Earth Defiant. The point of the temple is that it’s up in the open air and harsh winds--wind being a symbol of chaos and unpredictability to dwarves--but they still use it as a place to honor their heroes and they rebuild and upkeep it despite the erosion and how hard it is to get there. It’s hallowed from evil and lots of stories about it involve heroes racing there for sanctuary. It was made by dwarves but it’s a pilgrimage site for other primordial beings like goliaths and earth genasi (which is what TK is). There are 3 heroes who have big statues here: Asha Hammerheart (a SUPER dope name I must say), Yvonna of the Sundering Hills , and Kora Ironbrow.

Penny finds that, amongst Kalvaxus’s hoard there were 7 unrecovered artifacts--the Mirrors of the Eidolons (which are the smashed mirrors they found it seems). Eidelons are kind of like the elemental plane version of angels/celestials. They’re primordial (remember Katja saw primordial language on the wall of the dragon cave) and kind of aligned with things like titans and genies. Raw element with no agenda (unlike celestials and demons and such which have a clear alignment which makes up the D&D religious system). It is said by wizards--who look at these things in more of a nuts and bolts way than say clerics who take the fuzzier religions view--that Eidolons are the hands of the gods because gods are beings of spirit--how could they form the physical world. Will of the divine manifested by elemental beings? Sounds right up TK’s alley.

Sam decides she’s desperate enough for information that she calls her mom who she is understandably snippy with. Her mom gives her a contact to talk to when she asks about TK but Sam stonewalls her on show business talk. She tries to play the “mother knows best, you’ll thank me later,” in a kind of Gothel-y way while acting like anything in the past never happened and says Sam is attacking her but when Sam accuses her of neglect, she proves her right by hanging up the phone.

Sam then calls the number and it turns out to be Lola Embers (Fig’s agent) who has been waiting for Sam’s call for ages and wants to talk to her, even though she’s currently chasing her dog across the park. She says she met TK once at a genasi woman networking thing and also says she once saw Charity get into an argument with TK over government funding or not getting a grant or something similar. She then says she’s in a lake trying to get her dog and Sam, being a water genasi who can breathe underwater and also a fundamentally good person even though she’s currently being aggro as hell, goes to the park to help her. Lola assures her that if she’s ready, she’ll help her get new acting gigs and that the world is ready for the new her. 

Yelle meanwhile casts Speak With Plants on some trees near TK’s office and, after a super stoner to stoner conversation, gets a magical footprint trail of where she ran off to when she absconded 12 years ago. 

Antiope (who is in a sports bra because she destroyed her top with the Aguefort logo since that’s what was pinged, revealing in a wild, nat-1 fueled retcon that she got a tramp stamp reading “Leader” in the Red Waste) goes to see Charity to fill out some paperwork, ingratiate herself, and perhaps get some info. Charity has her hot, young, assistant (who Antiope is instantly crushing on) give Ant his shirt (and Charity’s lack of surprise at seeing his 4 horses pulling a chariot tattoo makes the group think they’re def banging). She kind of explains what the Ministry does and Antiope boils it down a bit to snitching on other adventurers. Charity says it’s more of a who watches the watchmen situation and visibly twitches when she has to say the word “snitch”. 

When she takes a second to call Antiope’s dad, she accidentally leaves a tab open on her computer which has TK’s file open (probably up from when the Maidens asked about her earlier). Antiope sneaks a peek and learns that the artifact that TK stole is called the Legendarium Extrodia and it tracks quests. It seems that at some point TK must have had top level access to get her hands on it. It also shows that TK was marked for assassination (which seems like a pretty good reason to get the heck out of dodge). Brennan also says she’s learned enough that she can use the L.E. if she finds it. 

At this point, Yelle tells everyone to come back ASAP so they can follow the magic footsteps. Antiope wants to come but doesn’t want to burn bridges with Charity (or chances with Preston--equally important) so she, at Katja’s suggestion--pretends to have diarrhea and is Nat 20 convincing. Interesting choice for the end of the first meeting with a person you’re crushing on. But Preston is actually pretty supportive as she races out the door as fast as possible.

The Seven follow the footsteps out of Solace and it becomes clear that TK was headed to the dwarven temple Ostentatia learned about. This is a multi-day journey so Cinnamon sings a glorious, magical, horse song and summons mounts for everyone which I will now name because this is obviously the most important part of the episode:

Snowfire - Danielle

Taffodill - Sam

Alagonia - Antiope

Candyheart - Penny

Starforge - Ostentatia 

Strawberry Dancer - Zelda 

Crucial info. 

As they travel, Antiope casts Primeval Awareness and gets that there is something ancient in the mountain. They travel through Pilgrim’s Pass (a village area most travelers to the temple pass through) but find it completely razed to the ground. They investigate. 

With an 18 Survival check, Antiope finds tracks that seem halfway between dog and cat. There are more than 4 legs and it’s hard to tell how old they are because there’s not a lot of rain in the area. They could have been left long ago and been undisturbed. Regardless, these are clearly from monstrosities. On a 26 History Check, Katja knows that this area used to be protected by Blink Dogs (teleporting dogs) but they seem to be all gone now. On a 22 Nature check, Yelle sees a weird feather made out of plant material. It seems like fae stuff but bad vibes. On an 18 Insight check, Sam knows this was a purposeful slaughter.

And on Penny’s 30 Arcana check, oh boy. Penny finds broken common scrawled on the wall in human blood talking about a queen of the mountain who rules the skies. That only the queen may see and none may see themselves. And that the people were told to destroy the seeing glass and did not obey. In from of that message is a bear hide covering something magic. Penny lifts it with reckless abandon and sees tons of mirror shards.

Friendship bracelets! She thinks.

Gotcha bitch, the thing in the mirror says.

Uh-oh.   

Penny calls over her friends to let them knows she may have made a tiny mistake. The group is pretty split between, “Understandable,” and “Girl, WHAT?” In her defense, she did try to cast Friends on the person on the other side of the mirror shards but that’s not enough to stop an entire pack of 50-60 Displacer Beast (magic tentacle cats)/Blink Dog hybrid monstrosities along with the Harpy Queen (voice from the mirror) and her plant feathered harpy minions to start rapidly making their way to their location. 

It is at this point that Ostentatia remembers that abominations and monstrosities cannot step into the temple which means it’s time to RUN. 

And NOW it’s combat time. 

The premise of this fight is that the girls are on their horses, moving towards the center of the temple as fast as they can while fending off the closest enemies. I won’t give an exact play by play but the two highlights are as follows:

Yelle conjures up a bunch of geese with raptor stats (...so normal geese) to swarm the head cat/dog abomination and has to do a truly stunning amount of math for which she is rewarded with SEVENTY POINTS OF DAMAGE. 

Antiope does some insane arrow trickery and gets the Queen Harpy in the wing (which Ostentatia helpfully gets on video so she can show Preston later) and then forces her to take damage as she falls. If not for an extremely lucky Box of Doom nat 20, she may have been down for the count. Antiope still comes away with more than FIFTY points of damage on her though. 

And we end the episode mid-combat! We will catch up on our girls next time!

Superlatives 

Penny: Most Likely to Make Friends During a Hostage Situation 

As a companion to Danielle’s superlative last episode, Penny gets this award for reading or misreading every situation as an opportunity to make friends or make friendship bracelets for the ones she already has. 

Random Thoughts

Did you guys notice that with Katja having Cinnamon and Charity’s assistant being Preston, that’s two of the main pet NPCs from A Crown of Candy?

Antiope’s Reaction to Yelle Saying That Maybe Things Ending Isn’t So Bad: Rail against the dying of the light! Why are you OK with this?

Penny’s Reaction to Yelle Saying That Maybe Things Ending Isn’t So Bad: Entropy is TERRIBLE! Everything needs order!

The greasy cashier’s response to Ostentatia’s flirty, “Come here often?” is “To my job? Honestly no.” Brennan? Chef’s kiss. 

My other fave line this episode is from Sam. “I believe Cinnamon fucks.”

It’s very cute that Penny is like, “I gotta text Riz about this Eidelon stuff!” Not because she wants help. Just so they can geek out together. 

The joke that Brennan didn’t think about the birds is so funny considering all the bird facts in Misfits.

Also re Birds attacking: “They made a movie about this Brennan!” 

Good on Ant for refusing an Aguefort sweatshirt from Charity when offered after the little scrying incident before. Remembering things like this saves lives. 

It has been brought up several times that Ending isn’t necessarily Bad just Ancient and Powerful and I trust Yelle’s vibe check but also, like, a forest fire doesn’t have malice behind it but it can still devastate a city while it clears out dead trees that need to be cleared, you know? Not ready to start wild speculation yet but I am curious. And am similarly curious about the sisters Ending has mentioned. Oh and the parallels of 7 Maidens, 7 mirrors. It’s all there, we just need a little more info. 

Honestly, get you a man who will see you rushing out of a building, loudly claiming to have diarrhea, and instead of being grosses out will just supportively confess his own stomach issues. I wish he was just a little younger cause I want that for Ant. 

I do like that D20 has been playing a little more fast and loose with the RP ep/combat ep format. I think it really helps with story flow. 

In this episode Antiope and Brennan as various non-Zelda NPCs rolled 2 Nat 20s. O rolled one. Ant rolled 1 Nat 1--which was on a self imposed roll to see how she responded to Sephie’s tramp stamp improv. And O may have rolled one for initiative also but I wasn’t sure. 

[luobingmeis]

also it's def bc i just finished the finale for the 2nd time but my brain is basically chanting "amnesty" on repeat so im just going to throw out thoughts i have so i can sleep soon akdksjdjd

minerva and juno become best friends after a night when both of them were working a super late shift and they just ended up talking for hours. they talked abt minerva's culture on Five and how it compared to growing up on Earth and juno heard minerva's battle stories (some valiant, some regretful) and minerva learned all about how juno got into the forestry service, and the two of them just really click

also i firmly believe that, on her planet, minerva is funny as hell, it's just 1) learning Earth humor and 2) realizing that, while on Earth she is seen as exuberant and loud, most people on minerva's planet were just that energetic

minerva tho did (and still does) have her own flare and charm tho

damn most of these are gonna be minerva centric

her and duck adopt a cat named fig newton im pretty sure ive done this one before

minerva and leo are also best friends and leo will teasingly hold that over duck's head bc, while duck missed out on almost 30 years, leo's known minerva for probably 40, maybe 50? at his core, tho, leo is really happy for the two of them

aubrey can actually understand dr harris bonkers phd's rabbit chatter. for a while, everyone thought she was making shit up on the spot for the goofs, but it was dani who realized "wait holy shit they're actually talking"

dr harris bonkers phd does eventually learn human words except in the "picks up on language after hearing the same phrases a lot" way, with some notable mentions being "hi honey!" and "hey what the fuck!"

duck, aubrey, and thacker, whenever they're all on earth together, always get lunch together to hang out. they then either go to the cryptonomica (even thacker bc, even if he never met ned, he still has respect for him and really feels like he wouldve liked the guy) or amnesty lodge

mama tries to keep it on the down low but, when she knows thacker is coming back to earth, she keeps a little personal countdown bc she misses her best friend a lot

hollis, keith, and jake are all best friends again and jake is the #1 holleith supporter

hollis and aubrey become best friends and hollis takes her out on their motorcycle and they absolutely get the whole "now listen here, bring her back in one piece or else" talk from mama

while travelling together, the quell becomes even more curious abt thacker's life and, kinda like a juno-esque situation, she's really inspired by him

that one is basically canon but it makes me too emotional to not mention

aubrey is unsurprisingly really into halloween and dani, even tho it's not a sylvan holiday, celebrates it with her and they come back to earth to carve pumpkins and decorate with the folks left at amnesty lodge

also some domestic headcanons i have just bc i love domesticity: aubrey and dani adopt sylvan twins and their sylvan forms are what we would picture merfolk like? like with the more webbed ears/hands and gills and sharp teeth but also arms and legs (with fins on them). it also seems implied that duck and minerva have kids but im still putting thought into their domestic sphere bc i dont bs domesticity

kirby, aubrey, dani, hollis, jake, and keith all become a fun little group

fun little group B is duck, minerva, dr drake, leo, and juno. basically chosen club +1 bc they all love juno

mama and thacker are on their own and also roam everywhere bc they're just like that

kirby runs the cryptonomica with almost as much flare as ned, and ned's walking stick nearly never leaves his hand

barclay and stern both buy each other tacky bigfoot merch thinking that it would be a funny joke to pull for candlenights and now they just have matching bigfoot tshirts

barclay also cooks a ton of packed meals for thacker, aubrey, and duck to take back to their new homes

now with the rift in the inner sanctum, everyone tries to get together for family dinners once a month bc they all miss and love each other and want to catch up as much as they all can

(they always end up visiting more than once a month tho)

[freckliedan]

For the ask; everything that has a “4” in it. Festive, right? I hope you’re having a wonderful night ⭐️

happy 4th, anon!! & ty for the ask! i’ve been having a lonely night n this def made it loads better

(under the cut bc this got long)

4. What is your favorite word?oh.. maybe, home? but in sign language. it’s not the most beautiful or delightful word i know, in english or sign language, but it’s the one that makes me feel the warmest. (i’ve taken all 4 ASL classes offered at my college, and on one of the only days i was late during my last semester my teacher signed “welcome home” to me when i finally got to class and it’s one of my happiest memories. i’m also very gay for the idea of a home with my found family, so home is just one of my favorite words). 

14. What is your current desktop picture? i literally dont’ know how to find that on this computer because it was my best friend’s before they got a new one and gave it to me (because my old computer was very , very badly broken) but anyways i have no idea where to get the pic they have as the desktop from! so. rip

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. i’m going to assume this means one sandwich right now, rather than for the rest of my life, because that’s a very cruel punishment to wreak upon a taurus with a gf who’s going to culinary school, 

right now i’d make myself a sandwich on nice homemade bread with mayo on one side and that nice fig spread you can buy at fred meyers on the other slice, melt some cheese on the fig slice, add bacon, tomato, lettuce, and avocado, and possibly an egg because i know how to live my LIFE

34. What was your last dream about?i don’t know but some of my friends were in it

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?this is skewed because i’m alaskan but sunsets in the summer and sunrises in the winter. summer sunsets are so nice to chase when the days are long and it never gets darker than twilight (genuinely i haven’t seen the stars since april or early may) and going to an outdoors ocean front park and watching the sun set behind the mountains is GORGEOUS and wonderful but in the winter we have so much darkness that every sunrise is a blessing and every sunset is the worst thing ever. in high school there’d be days where the sun both rose after i got to school and set before i went home at night so when the light shows up in the winter. i’m happy.

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?i’m lactose intolerant so it SHOULD be none of them but this bitch loves dairy YEET anyways it’s strawberry @ places that don’t have a lot of flavors and at places with wider ranges i still usually stick to fruit flavors! cherry is good.

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) i’m a lesbian

43. Do you have any scars?i have a chickenpox scar on my eyelid & on the upper limits of what could be considered my left tit it’s like, practically chest at that point, what’s a body,,, i also have a piece of gravel in my left knee from falling & refusing to let anyone take care of it in 2nd or grade, a scar on my left foot from doing dumb stunts as a 7 year old, and a nearly invisible scar beneath my right nostril from falling as a 2 year old ! im clumsy as Fuck

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?i want to work for a nonprofit that helps lgbtq+ teens! i don’t know exactly what that’s going to look like but it’s really important to me to help lgbtq+ youth who don’t have supportive families, and those who might be facing homelessness. i’m going to have a fairly generalist skillset when i graduate, so i don’t know exactly what role i’m going to play, but i know that i’m going to help kids that never got the unconditional love and support that they needed & deserved from family. i also am going to be a storyteller thru various mediums! written & multimedia & possibly podcasts. i’m working on that.

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? i’d take away whatever current physical health thing i’m dealing with that i haven’t been able to get help for yet and that’s making me grow facial hair and have less energy & more apathy & doing a Lot (i think it’s PCOS and hormonal imbalances). it’s recent and it’s causing me a lot of troubles but other than that i’m so happy and so at peace with myself that i wouldn’t change anything about me, not my weight not my ADHD & depression not a Damn Thing. 

46. Are you reliable? yes!!! i’m  the kind of person that burns myself out showing up for others. if it’s not an important thing it sometimes slips my mind bc of my adhd but when it matters, i am always there. across time zones, even. if i give my word about something? i make it happen. im the reason they invented the phrase immovable object.

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?I wouldn’t change my past, and my future self probably wouldn’t, either. I’d just ask them to tell me about their happiness, I think. It would give me a tangible reason to keep working towards the dreams I have. 

48. Do you hold grudges?i’m a taurus. i don’t hold grudges over stupid things and i’m not petty for the most part and i don’t act like a dickhead when i have a grudge but it’s like, my dad missed the one and only choir concert i ever had when i was in the 10th grade for really stupid reasons when he said he’d be there, and that was in 2011, and it took me like 6 years to get to the point where i was completely past that. i wasn’t acting on the grudge but it was a grudge and it did affect like. how willing i was to trust my dad and ask him for things and how i felt about him for a really long time? so like. yeah. i hold grudges. i’m very willing to excuse people’s behavior up to a certain point but once a line is crossed someone has to work really hard to make up for the ways they’ve hurt me or loved ones of mine. my gf can usually talk me out of Forming grudges though bc she’s a virgo libra cusp and so good at being less intense than me w some situations.

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?mammals with bird wings :c make the catwings book real.. cats whom can fly w soft lovely bird wings. i love cats and also flight

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? yes!!!! i’ve baked like box cakes obvi but last year for my gf’s birthday me & our best friend made a really cool coffee flavored alternative frosting cake for my gf & she really liked it & i’m like :’) 

64. What do you think about babies?i’ve been like........ yelling all night to @freckliephil about how much i want to have kids w my gf and how i can’t wait to be a mom. i think babies are very small and breakable and i’m not ready to have one right NOW at all but i am so, so excited to be a parent someday and to give a kid everything they need no matter what, like, babies are so cute and my cousin had a son this year and when i got to hold him for the first time i nearly cried thinking about being a mom someday. i’m cutting this short because i’m really, really emo abt babies right now but GOD. i want a baby. i want painting a nursery w my gf once we’re wives, and i want a rocking chair, and lullabies. i wanna watch the baby grow up to have me and my gf’s facial expressions and i can’t wait to see that baby grow into a person with likes and dislikes and an entire personality :c god. i just. i really, really love my gf and can’t wait to have a family with her. & we’re probably also going to foster but like! also. babies.

[lvlsrvryhigh]

LVLSRVRYHI-054: Hunni'd Jaws

Introductions first: for anyone who doesn't know, who are you / where are you from? Yo yo, thanks for having me - I’m Hunni’d Jaws. I'm a solar eclipse personified. I moisturize. Facts: Coconut oil is not what it’s cracked up to be, if you want the hook-up on emollients DM me...on some off the record ish. My latest conspiracy is that I'm immortal.

From New York, exiled in Berlin, I mean “based”. How does "On exile" sound? Like I’m on chic sabbatical for being a leftist multi-national expatriate. Although, ya gotta strive for "arbitrarily-detained" these days, for the social media credentials.

What music did you grow up listening to? I grew up whittling didgeridoos. On the real, there’s a rogue didgeridoo in the house I grew up in. I have no clue how it got there. No one knows how to really “play” it, we’ve all tried. If my folks got it at a flea market, I’ll be a livid that my parents are just hoarders, and that Carlo Santana’s 3rd cousin didn’t loan it to us.

I’m so thankful for access to radio like Hot 97 and NYC. Nineties pop music was an animal. Dance-pop, grunge, dancehall, alt-rock, RnB, hip hop, trip-hop, the OG list goes on. I’m nostalgic for the pop hits, from Ace of Bass to No Doubt.

Mix cds were essential living. My street punk older sister got me into punk music and concert-going, starting at places like the Chance in Poughkeepsie. Thusly train-ing to NYC was compulsory. SO former self getting signatures on my cons. I grew up technically too far to be a bridge-and-tunnel though. “Bridge-and-tunnel" is slang for someone who takes one of the bridges and/or tunnels to get to NYC by car. Bridge-and-tunnels get on the Metro-north around White Plains with vodka Coolatas and clog up the Midtown club scene.

My folks played jazz, on special holidays merengue, 60s funk, reggae some 80s pop - cuz they’re into that - oh and a lot radio monotonous news coverage, tonally so nauseating that they smell like plastic factory fumes. Afro-caribbean & latin music were solace, since I’m half dominican. My uncle was more current, and played lots of new wave, punk, or like fat boy slim and beastie boys for us. We ransacked his computer once when we finally got cd burner software.

I also was heavily into indie rock, post-punk and random hip hop or the genre one-offs, like Hold You Down by the Alchemist, I found. Finding music was everything. I wrote about UK experimental & indie music for my HS newspaper - no one cared. My younger sister got me into A Tribe, Madvillian and J Dilla. Shout out to Nora for keeping me updated on hip hop mixtapes throughout the 2000s. And in college I veered towards indie music and electronic.

I'm cutting myself off, we should pick up the conversation here for the next interview. We can highlight more cringe-worthy pleasures that did not age well and my descent into grime and club, and how I’m still an angsty tropical riotgrrl haha.

One of my earliest musical memories was going to this wedding in 1997 and dancing to radio garage house tracks - what we called techno. Recently, I had a dance floor epiphany at Monarch Club in Berlin. Soda Plains played a garage track I hadn’t heard since that era, maybe that occasion. I made a note of the lyrics, found it later, and binged on it for like a week. This is my mentality.

My first introduction to you as a DJ came via Call Dibs, the show you run with Dis Fig on Berlin Community Radio, so I wanted to get an idea as to how the show first came about and what the motivations were behind starting it together. How did the two of you start to put things together? Yeah before Call Dibs, before deejaying, I was a head in NYC. Fel - Dis Fig - and I met then, kicking it many dawns.

Fast forward, in Berlin we saw a vacancy for our musical focus on BCR - whose programming we admired and were acquainted with. It fell into place. We decided to do this plan b, instead of becoming tech-house legends.

Going through the show's archive is like reading a who's who of upcoming djs over the past few years and it's pretty impressive how on top of it the two of you have been. How do you decide on which guests to reach out to? Do you have any dream picks? Thanks! We follow music, convene on that, take turns hosting monthly, and plan logistical. There's been several artists, I heard one track of theirs and decided to ask them. I was lucky they were down. It's insanely cut-throat. There's usually a rose award ceremony and sacrifice.

No "dream picks", I’d like to work with so many people, especially unique gem artists. I'm interested in new, small, unique voices and showcasing challenging fun sounds.. The cult of celebrity dominates booking, the scene and the industry. At the same time, we don't obscurity hunt. The process is organic, why dilute it?

From what I can gather (correct me if I've got this backwards), you moved from New York to Berlin not too long before the BCR show first started. Do the two cities mean different things for you musically? Did anything change for you in that vein after making the move? Yeah definitely! I lived in NYC for a couple summers during school, then moved to Brooklyn after college for 3ish years. New York is it’s mix of cultures and hustle. There are so many micro-communities doing amazing things. It is a pace, hip-hop, outspoken, loud - the majority of new dembow in my mix, I heard blaring out of cars, at restaurants, and in cabs while visiting over in early June. Even just 2 years ago, Bushwick was not what it is now, or Crown Heights even. I grew up in the music communities in NY through Jelly NYC, Tribes, bass warehouse parties like Reconstrvct and DIY venues like 285 Kent, and lived with the Teklife extension. Ballroom, dancehall, jersey club, and footwork were foundational w/ parties like Ghettogothik, Lit City, S!ck Magic, Mixpak, among others. With all this stacked against a city, there's so much synchronicity, like Dubbel Dutch playing an arcade entirely word of mouth, or mythic rooftop parties w/ lineups of whoever is in town not playing officially in the city. Or heads from around the country, turn out to see acts on a Monday night in Meatpacking district. It’s a constant struggle and everything is bought out. I have a deep bond there, the music community has a different appreciation and gratefulness for each other. People dance. I’m idealizing hxc. It all took bites, I got bored, and was looking to contribute.

I shifted gears, and moved to Berlin, to party less. Hahah. Techno goth, crust punk aura, the gay club scene, and deejaying/producer culture are indisputably mainstream. The leftfield club scene is compact w/ Janus, PAN, Trade, Creamcake, Boo Hoo, among others. There’s a core DJ and music producer community here that inspires me, albeit, a catch-22, is insular. There’s more funding, clubs are seen as institutions. It’s still Germany. It’s much more modest, introverted, and chill. The sound is usually spot on. Flights are cheap. It’s more white, whiter than the Midwest.

If you can sort housing, it’s a refuge for creativity because of work/life balance.

You're also involved with a few programs based around teaching dj skills to women and those within the lgbtq+ spectrum in No Shade and Intersessions. What interested you about these programs? What was it like for you personally when you first learnt to DJ? Was there anything similar out there at the time? Who wants a world w/ the same people, the same cliques, in control throwing the same parties, of similar perspectives, w/ the same mega brands curating, playing the same music?  Sign me up if I'm a mega-brand.

I didn’t choose to be half black, a woman, or femme, so I def take advantage of the opportunities given to me. And I'm aware I'm somewhat priveleged. I have a lot of friends who also want to organize and pass the torch. My core ethics are merging human rights, creativity, and access empowerment. I was also involved in the Co-Op compilation w/ Ziur, galvanized to counter the tension and rise of global alt-right movements.

When I first learned to DJ, it was a necessity to socializing. And when I got more serious about it, I had to teach myself. Getting comfortable at the club and tech-literacy was another blind-fold. I’ve had to dj with equipment I've never used before - wish these moments were filmed cuz I went too hard on myself. There were some people to help me but not really. I also had several feminist social groups to help with the visibility of women in NYC, our goals were more about solidarity and the safety of women at parties.

I co-founded No Shade alongside Linnea and Caramel Mafia in association with Acud Macht. The DJ tutoring program aspect gives the participants more security and time with industry standard equipment. They can ask questions, and they are learning from women and non-binary folk. Blasphemy!

Links between music and therapy come up a lot on your social feeds and, though it's not really something I've put a lot of thought into understanding, I often find myself relying on music to clear my mood or help me move past something that's frustrating or aggravating me. Do those ideas ever inform the sets you put together or the music you listen to? That’s sick that you found a personal correlation. Music as therapy vs. music therapy vs. sound therapy vs. vibration therapy vs. however we define music and therapy has an abundance of operational levels. On your experiential level, it’s great for emotional awareness, resonance, letting out stress, etc. 

It can be deeply triggering yet cathartic too. It’s tied very close to memory. People with degenerative neurological diseases can get pieces of their identity and abilities back when listening to their old records, or happiness. In other mysteries, if you suffer a major head injury you can miraculously become a musically-creative, perfect-pitch savant. Still so much is unknown in the regard to cognitive neuroscience, music and healthcare. This is Your Brain on Music by Daniel J. Levitin and Musciophilia by Oliver Sacks expand on this.

The club is an undeniable conduit, escape. A good sound bath from a sound system will reset you. Cymatically, it manifests your physical matter. Certain chord progressions and frequencies will awaken certain feelings. Certain rhythms make you rotate your hip joints, certain vibrations catapult you to an astral plane, ASMR and whiteness soothes and entrances. I’m rambling. It’s personal, it’s human, it’s spooky, it's cyborg. There’s loads of sound phenomena to explore.

The tradition of it in the psych world is very “koombayah”, which led me away from the narrow conventional sense of it. However, there are however strides towards incorporating rap into the psychotherapy application. The history of oration down to modern rap is rooted in the "music game over the streets" to narrate the struggle. Poets from West Africa brought oration traditions over to communicate their highest spiritual being. The command of it is called Nommos. As a practice it's so very suitable for the clinical experience. Therapeutic Uses of Rap & Hip Hop by Susan Hadley discusses this, maybe overintellectualizes it, but it’s an important platitude to introduce formally to the white-coat community. I may go back to school for it, so I can dispute and defend the way. I wish I had proper exposure to composition as a kid. I was more interested in learning tabs so I could steeze on covers.

There’s truth deeper and universal, beyond niche music that privileged perspectives get to admire, be bewildered by and entertain with. It's orthodox. It seems the people involved don't consider how esoteric and self-centered this chokehold of participation is, like subjective tunnel-vision ; music culture is full of circumstance, value judgements, media infrastructure, markets, and industry. Who has access? What is contingent? and Why? What does this all mean in 5-10 years?

You seem to take a playful, lighthearted, but also semi-theatrical approach towards your moniker and press shots (covering yourself in honey, planning to do the same but with bees), which is refreshing and in stark contrast to the ultra serious DJ look (black tee, dark background, lots of shadow, plsdon'tsmile). Was that something you consciously set out to achieve? Wow, thanks for noticing! Deejaying is full of bad baaaad tropes. Shout out Kurupt FM for being as played out as possible. Satire, critiques, and creating new information are important to me but it's more unconscious and involuntary. Music gets all bent out on being serious, then plays into trends and lacks originality.

I treat creating under hunnid jaws as a full multi-medium, creative universe. My press shots were fun. They feel so old, they're from a past life at this point. The series are under themes of objectification, erotica, and sex culture paradigms mirroring a literal interpretation of my pseudonym. The general idea was around for 2 years before it came together with my homegirl Syd who's in Rotterdam now. The actual process felt like I was suffocating and stung my eyes, basically honey-board torture. I'm sitting on a lot of weird ideas and bizarre influences. Just takes one or two sentences for an idea to be a good one. I'm excited to use them when I have more content and collaborators. I'd love to art direct for others. And to do more video.  Or something extrasensory.

Did you set out with a particular idea for this mix? Where / how did you record it? I recorded it in my room on my pioneer ddj-sb controller. No set intention but this mix is a missing cut from a film reel, like a glimpse into my flashback. Disorienting like a horror flick being played in reverse.

What do you have planned for the rest of 2017? Conjuring up some gigs and beats. Ya tu sabes.

If you had to pick something for people to listen to immediately after this mix what would it be? If you can hold out, listen to Call Dibs this Thursday 6-8pm CET.

[jq37]

The Report Card – Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 2

Boggy the Froggy!

Welcome back, ya’ll! We jump back in with our Bad Kids (or 4/6 of them anyway) the very next day. Fabian sends Gilear out on a coffee run on the threat of bodily harm. His mom–who, if you remember is low-key a total badass–tells Fabian that if Gilear doesn’t come back from the quest alive, she’s going to duel him to the death on top of the house. Yikes. At Chez Thistlespring, Gorgug’s parents give him another very detailed sex talk and then remind him that he lives in a world where magic is very real so any and all dreams he remembers should be treated as omens. 

At the haunted house, Adaine wakes up having had portentous dreams like everyone else which is doubly concerning I have to imagine considering (1) she is the eleven oracle and (2) as a full elf she’s supposed to trance, not sleep and dream. Luckily for her nerves, she cast Find Familiar the night before and summoned an emotional support familiar which she gave the amazing name Bogariel Frogariel aka: Boggy the Froggy. 

Meanwhile (and I needed to switch paragraphs because Kristen is doing the D&D equivalent of playing Twister while everyone else is playing Checkers as she is wont to do) Kristen is talking to Tracker about changing Yes? again because she is filled with doubt about her god of doubt but the one thing she clearly doesn’t have doubt about is her relationship with Tracker because it’s been less than a year and she already sees wedding bells in their future. Wild. She also invites Tracker on the quest, rectifying what I thought was a wild oversight last week. 

Everyone meets up and they realize Fig and Riz are missing. They (specifically Fabian) can’t get Riz on the phone (which has never happened before) and all of Fig’s stuff is missing. They head over to Riz’s office to see if they can find him but, before that, Tracker cancels the church of Yes? because, sure. 

There are signs of a struggle at Riz’s office, but no blood. They find a picture of Riz’s super-spy dad (Pok) with his arm around someone who appears invisible to them (though the spot is circled in red). They also find claw marks going up to a mirror. Adaine stops Gorgug from touching the mirror which would have driven him insane and had him attack the group. She sees a twisted version of Riz in the mirror which no one else can see until she describes it (suspicious). Then, she dispels magic and the Riz appears in the room…and attacks them (roll for initiative baybee)!

Fabian is flipped the F out. Kristen decides to chill out and drink Riz’s coffee–much to the incredulousness of everyone else (she’s on those chill existential dread vibes). Adaine and Gorgug are stricken by fear but they’re able to snap out of it quickly. Once they’re sure it’s not Riz (the doppelganger is going full creepy horror movie monster with the head twisting and biting and junk), they start going full throttle but Kristen gets a clutch roll and lands a banishment on Nightmare Riz (who was invisible at the time). Also, Adaine finds a gun but no one is down with her packing heat without proper firearms training so she reluctantly puts it back. They confer with Sandra-Lynn and they find out Fig has, for some reason, gone to Bastion City (the capital) and Gorthalax is missing. Also, because Emily is Emily whether she’s present or not, they find out that Fig has decided to multiclass and she is now a bard/warlock with her demon dad as her patron. Those might be connected because, as her patron, Gorthalax can now find Fig at all times.  

Sklonda, in the meantime, has been investigating a robbery at the mall. They end up there too because Gilear (who is back from his coffee run) said he saw Fig’s bus in the area. They tell Ragh to meet them there and then head over (Gorgug in the old family car which he buys from them for 30 gold (the cost of a pony)–the amount Adaine suggests after the Thistlesprings reject his insane offer of 1000 gold). Also, Kristen leaves her brothers some gold secretly which is sad and also I think not the best way to handle that, but the intention is good. The robbery was of a gem–non-magical I believe–called the Devil’s Heart. [Edit: And apparently Fig’s doing.] Fabian shows up, tries to be helpful, and then eats glass. Normal stuff. 

The group tries to figure out what’s going on with Fig by calling the hotel she’s at and basically doing a straight improv comedy routine, each passing the phone around with a bad story until Adaine just hangs the phone up. Then, they find out from Sklonda that Pok’s partner is a tabaxi (cat person) named Kalina and she is in the empty space in the photo. Sklonda and Sandra-Lynn can see it even though the Bad Kids can’t. 

With that information gathered, the group leaves Elmville for the first time on the way to the Hotel Cavalier in Bastion City and, hopefully, Fig. 

Detention

Fabian for Intern Abuse

Poor Gilear. Fabian solicits increasingly complicated coffee orders from his friends to make Gilear’s job harder and tries to get them to threaten Gilear on their behalf. Even Sandra-Lynn was like, bro. Lay off the guy. Bad form, sir. (Hilarious, but bad). 

Honor Roll

Adaine for Rocking Her Portent Rolls

Adaine had a 19 and a 4 for her portent rolls this session and she used them very judiciously. The first was her 19 which she gave to Gorgug who was about to fail his saving throw and touch the mirror which would have led to him attacking everyone (she has a vision of his beheading her in a rage–sidenote love that Brennan makes her portent rolls actual visions instead of just having the mechanical effect of changing the roll happen). The second was a 4 which she gave to Brennan who was rolling for concentration on Nightmare Riz’s fear spell. What a power move to stare your DM in the face and say, “You roll a 4.” Amazing. Portent rolls are so good you guys. Also, bonus points for coming up with the name Bogariel Frogariel. 

Random Thoughts

Fabian’s response to his mom’s ultimatum that she will fight him if Gilear doesn’t return alive? “Damn, guess I have to fight my mom.”

“MAGIC IS REAL AND SO IS MY FROG.”

Brennan describes Boggy as just the most archetypal looking, round, squishy frog and I want a plush of his yesterday. Or a stress ball! It would go with his whole emotional support thing in game. I love that Siobhan picked not the potentially “useful” or “cool” animal. She went full Marie Kondo and was like, “What’s gonna spark some joy?” Boggy also can give her the help action, which is great!

The episode was great even 2 cast members down, but they were missed. On more than one occasion, I was like, “This is more quiet than usual. I wonder why–ah Emily.” We better get her reaction to Boggy as soon as she’s back.  

Kristen brings up the concept of patenting a god which is wild. We also get an answer to the question I had last week about Tracker’s cleric status–she still is a cleric of the moon goddess. The moon goddess is just chill with her followers not being exclusive. 

Fabian sans Riz is a hilarious mess. For anyone who likes them together as friends and/or romantically there was a lot of Content. Fabian being like, “Idk about Fig but something is def wrong with the Ball because he always answers on the first ring when I call  him.” Him canonically forgetting that he has a name other than The Ball (that’s the name in his phone, obv). And, the coup de grace, him investigating RIz’s office, but only for signs of his name. Him trying to Investigate like Riz, rolling a nat 1, and literally eating glass (“I thought I could taste fingerprints!”). 

“Coffee’s ordered, is the Ball dead?”

Adaine as everyone is clowning on Fabian for possibly making out with the Hangman: The Hangman is much more human than my bitch sister. 

Nightmare Riz, who they still think is actual Riz at this point, pops out of the mirror and Fabian and Adaine’s reactions respectively are, “You can’t do these things!” and, “It’s like 60% of our grade.”

The idea of Gorgug going from a terrified scream into a barbarian rage scream is very funny. Where are the animatics people?

Oh, speaking of people, Fantasy High was trending on tumblr the morning after this stream. Nice job, guys! 

The talk that Gorgug’s parents give him about all dreams being significant is something I always say in movies/books/shows like this. You have protagonists who *know* they live in a magic world and they have weird dreams and it’s not until 2/3rds of the way into the story that they’re like, “Wait. My dreams…mean something?” Bitch, what?

Gorgug’s initial coffee order is Hot Chocolate with a shot of decaf.

Everyone is very chill with Tracker coming onto the quest. Adaine just has one rule: No sex in the tent while they’re also in the tent. Kristen asks like she’s offended Adaine would feel the need to say that but like…come on. 

At first, I thought the invisibility in the photo was similar to the non-Adaine bad kids not being able to see Nightmare Riz until she described him but they still couldn’t see the woman in the photo after Sklonda described her so not sure what was going on with the mirror. 

I went back to the episode where Riz finds the photo of his dad (First Kisses and Last Words at around 1 hour, 27 mins in) and in that photo it’s of his dad and his mom. So either (1) it’s a different photo, (2) Brennan forgot/retconned something, or (3) something seriously screwy is going on. I will also note two observations here. Sklonda mentioned that Kalina doesn’t drink but was holding up her hand in a toast like she was drinking in the photo. That seems too specific a detail to not mean anything. And the second thing is, last ep, we did learn about a servant of the Nightmare King called the Shadow Cat and Kalina (if that is her real name) is a tabaxi so that’s something to think about. 

With all the complicated coffee orders flying around, Adaine just changes hers to a black coffee to try and make Gilear’s life a little easier (her original order was a Peppermint Mocha–sans the threat of violence to Gilear Fabian was offering). I do really love that Adaine seems genuinely concerned about the guy. SOMEONE should be. And it’s consistent with her characterization of just being generally well mannered and empathetic. 

Kristen getting the banishment on Nightmare Riz is something she did after Ally asked for it and Brennan was like, “lol, sure on a 19 or 20.” Boom. Rolled a 19. Just like in the prom fight. So the lesson here folks is don’t give your players a conditional yes and then expect the dice to bail you out. 

Kristen’s existential crisis is so crazy to me because she’s having, like, a prototypical Crisis of Faith™ (and pretty realistically) except, unlike in real life, she has certain knowledge about the existence of gods, life after death, and the means to communicate with those deities in the present day like…I feel like you’re crisis-ing wrong, girl. She’s crisis-ing like she just deconverted from Christianity when I feel like what actually happened is closer to, like, quitting a sorority or realizing you hate your major or changing political parties.  

the nature of humanity is just that every so often someone accidentally invents homestuck helioism again

Ragh had a dream matching up with Gorgug’s (but he didn’t realize it was Gorgug in his dream) which means something and I’m sure we’ll figure out what soon enough. 

The Fabian eating glass scene is another one where you truly need to see it to understand how great it is. Lou is equally game to have Fabian be the coolest person who ever lived or a huge baby and Fabian running away crying because he has glass shards in his tongue is incredible. Hilariously, he runs into Ragh in the food court who has also eaten glass in the past (“Glass is literally invisible.”) and they bro bond over it so hard (“That’s my boy!”) that Tracker and Kristen are like…are they a thing?

The other crazy scene is the gang passing around the phone trying to convince the hotel receptionist to give them info about Fig. Kristen comes up with the name Teddy Guyger (and Zac and I at the same time are like, “Did you get the name Teddy because you have a teddy bear in your inventory rn?”). Fabian tries to drop his dad’s name. Their first move for some reason isn’t to give the phone to Gorgug who is also a part of the band. Adaine just hangs up the phone like Peppa Pig. Exquisite comic timing. 

“I cast bane on Gilear.”

I love the running joke of Adaine having visions throughout the day of her friends in the process of doing dumb BS.

Nightmare Riz going after Fabian’s good eye was big gross. Thanks Brennan, I hate it.  

I wonder if what’s going on with Fig is completely different than what’s going on with Riz. Just because they’re gone for the same reason irl, doesn’t mean they’re gone for the same reason in game. Nightmare Fig could be a fun fight though.

As someone whose fave thing in D&D is not combat, I thought the fight in this episode was great. Interesting concept, good chance for in-character reactions, not too long . 

Ragh upon meeting Tracker: Check it out: I’m gay. (Tracker: Tight.)

Fabian, who has known Cathilda his entire life: Do maids dream?

In this ep, Kristen and Adaine rolled 2 nat 20s each (Kristen rolled one for initiative also but it was lowered by her modifier), and Gorgug and Fabian each rolled 1. Fabian also rolled a nat 1 (which, again, led to him Eating Glass).  

[jq37]

The Report Card – Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 4

Skipper Thistlespring and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

We pick back up at The Swan’s Little Parade where rich people shenanigans are taking place. Gorgug breaks from the group to try and call Zelda. When she doesn’t answer, he leaves the saddest, sweetest apology voicemail ever. Lou breaks. Siobhan breaks. I break. 

Meanwhile, the rest of the group gameplans. Adaine pushes back against the idea that they have to talk to Aelwyn. Her parents are also an option and Aelwyn is not a good person, no matter how hot Fabian is for her. They also check out the guest book from the hotel and see that Bill Seacaster has stayed there several times, always right after a Garthy O’Brien (they see that it happened a bunch while they were in jail and it was probably in conjunction with when Bill was supplying palimpsests). Fabian recognizes the name as a pirate and Cathilda knows they run the Gold Gardens which is a floating pirate casino/brothel.

Kristen tries to release Gorthalax but just confirms that, because of the curse, doing it without messing up Gorthalax is gonna be tough. 

Sandra-Lynn goes to get Gorgug while Fig decides to careen the campaign into Crazytown and make herself Empress for Life of the same. She disguises herself as an old lady and tries to drop off a note giving her phone number as the new number of the cop she impersonated last episode (Detective Decker) so she can send a fully grown cop texts that would def get him Chris Hansen’d irl. Brennan decides that if she’s gonna keep making beds, she should probably lie in one of them for once and comes for her entire life in the funniest scene of the episode. No recap I could give can do it justice(links to clips here: x, x). Just know it ends with Fig running away and ditching her phone in a lake, which could very possibly have plot consequences if she forgets to replace her phone before she’s in a tight spot where it would be helpful and the absolute dumbest/funniest reason for a character death (I want to note that she did replace her phone technically, but with a huge, old, brick phone from Adaine’s jacket that can’t be as useful as an actual cell). 

ANYWAY

Tracker creates a Moon Haven in the van which is basically like a dope pillow fort with the Sanctuary spell cast on it and TARDIS bigger-on-the-inside spatial mechanics. Once they’re inside the Moon Haven, Ragh finally feels safe to tell them what he knows--which he does telepathically via Adaine and the message spell to make everything extra safe. Here’s a rundown of what he tells them:

He saw Kalina on the night of prom after the big fight. She was talking to Jace (the sorcery “teacher”) and an elven woman who looked like Adaine in black robes--Adaine confirmed with a picture that it was her mother. 

After being healed by Porter, Ragh started walking home and was stopped by Kalina who said she would kill his mom if he told anyone what he saw. 

Ragh’s mom Lydia is also a half-orc barbarian. She was on a mission in the Red Waste (where the 7 Maidens have their Sophomore Year quest) and they found a soul gem that was leaking something bad. She put it in her chest to contain the evil but at the cost of her health. She’s now extremely sick and in a permanent, medically-induced rage to keep her alive. She refuses medical treatment because no one can ensure the evil won’t be released if they remove the gem. 

His mom fucking slaps.

So that’s all deeply worrying. Adaine invites Ragh and his mom to live with them in the Haunted House and Fig offers to give them Dr. Asha’s number. Gorgug discovers the Van can become a boat which is convenient for the pirate-y things they have to do (the Golden Gardens is on the way to Falinel so they decide to stop there first). Fig has a heart to heart with Gilear while Adaine and Sandra-Lynn take first watch outside since the Moon Haven can only hold nine people. Adaine has to roll a wisdom save because she’s outside of the Haven’s protection and, even on a 16, the music goes all scary and she feels that something is in the tent with her outside. Something humanoid and her size with its knees to its chest. She senses that if she sees its face, something will happen to her and, instead of looking at it, she calls for Sandra-Lynn. By the time she shows up, the thing is gone. Fig assures Adaine that she’s not crazy or seeing things and, based on Adaine’s description, they’re able to deduce that it wasn’t Baron or Kalina. 

In the morning, Gorgug is pretty bummed and asks everyone to call him Skipper. Kristen is very down and Fabian is very not. They discuss whether they should tell all of the information from Ragh to the 7 Maidens (no) and whether Gorgug should call Zelda (yes). They drive into the sea. Gorgug finally talks to Zelda who is not happy with him for the ghosting and unintentional thoughtlessness. She’s even less happy with him when she realizes he forgot to get the generator they needed to stay in touch long distance. They’re breaking up. Do I mean relationship-wise or phone-wise? You don’t know? Well that makes two of us (Thanks, I Hate It).

They’re at sea for two days and then make it to the floating pirate shipwreck city of Leviathan. Pirate adventures next week, y’all! 

Detention

Fig for Trying to Seduce ANOTHER Middle-Aged Man

Listen, I’ll stop putting her here for this when she stops doing this. Not to mention, she invented a whole ass person (HILDA HILDA?????) when she’s just been told that nightmare monsters are being generated from lies. Fig, my girl. Ms. Faeth. Please. I’m begging you. Please. 

Honor Roll

All of the Adults for Stepping Up

Every single adult in this episode was on fire. Fig confided in Gilear and he stepped up to the plate with a This-Is-So-Serious-I’m-Going-To-Use-Your-Actual-Full-Name, speech. Sandra-Lynn showed Adaine how to do some ranger stuff and jumped in to save her when she cried out. Cathilda was ready with warm milk and cookies she somehow was able to make in the van as soon as Adaine needed them. Sandra-Lynn also had a heart to heart with Fig and even Gorthalax, who’s still trapped in the ruby, gave Fig a spell slot back. And, of course, Ragh’s mom slaps. 

Random Thoughts

Adaine and Fabian both being uber rich but being on the opposite ends of the rich people spectrum is hilarious. Adaine is a “Sleeping in a van? I’ve heard of that but I’ve never gotten to do it. This will be fun!” Rich Kid  and Fabian is a “No turn down service? Hard pass,” Rich Kid. 

I was happy that they brought Ragh along for comedy reasons but who knew he was gonna be so chock full of backstory and important story beats? Like, every good GM has a way of making whatever story path that was chosen seem like the only way the story could have gone and I’m sure that whoever was picked, Brennan would have made that seem like the obvious and essential choices but I’m very happy they picked Ragh. Him talking about how much he loves his mom was so adorable! I love that he’s a big, good, dumb boy now and I’m happy they invited him to live at the Haunted House. That’s def gonna be good for some shenanigans (also love that Adaine’s only stipulation was that he had to be nice to Zayn and he was so eager to agree).  

Insane Ally Move of the Game: Deciding that Kristen genuinely doesn’t know Gilear used to be lunch lad at their school. Is Kristen even on the same plane of existence as everyone else. And then, later, “I worry about Gilear.” Do you really???

I totally forgot that Gilear was not only an elven diplomat but also a full on actual counselor. Makes it even wilder that he lost the job to Jawbone. Also, while we’re talking about him, I said we were gonna inevitably gonna get some more color on Gilear this season and we saw some of that in this ep when Adaine uses detect thoughts on him (which, btw, seems like a horribly invasive thing that people do very casually in this world) and we see that he gave up his career for Sandra-Lynn and then was wrecked when she cheated on him. Really puts a melancholy shade over his hilarious ineptness. 

Another thing I figured we’d see soon and that we’re starting to see is Adaine speaking up on Aelwyn. Two times this ep she tried to steer the group away from Aelwyn and seemed more serious than her usual trash talk. As excited as I am for pirate adventures, I want to get to Falinel ASAP to see how this shakes out. 

Also, on the mom front, wild that we found out that Ragh has a super dope mom in the same scene Adaine took another L and found out that her mom is also involved in this shadiness. Black robes are never a good sign. But I will say, just based on the story beats we’ve gotten, I’m not totally sold on the idea that she’s 100% bad--or at least that she doesn’t care for Adaine at all. I’m wondering if she wasn’t at school trying to find Adaine (possibly among other things). 

“Every time you have sex it’s a gamble. You could lose your heart.”/”What happened to you on tour?”

Gorgug trying to let a full sized griffon land on his arm is hilarious. I love that. He’s so wholesome and dumb.

I love that when Emily was doing her Hilda-Hilda nonsense , turned into Detective Decker, and ran past the police house precinct, Lou was the only person who was on her wavelength and understood what she was trying to do while everyone else was like????

We find out in this ep that Van can control all the auxiliary functions of the van but not the actual driving, which is important to know before a sticky situation. On a more personal note, we find out that he was originally a planetar (second most powerful D&D angel) of Elysium, specializing in harmony, relaxation, and chill vibes and he got dumped and kicked out of heaven for sleeping through a call to battle.

We also get the cursed image of a van with hands which I knew was gonna be the shirt and lo and behold. 

“Fuck Me.”/”When.” Y’all are the worst. 

I love that Brennan mentioned Porter in Ragh’s flashback, fully knowing it was gonna trigger Emily. 

Fig’s new plan is to get all of her parents in a throuple and I don’t even know where to begin with that tbh so I won’t.

@voxfantasma made a comment last week that Sandra-Lynn very well could have seen Kalina which is why she can she her in the photo--which is an offhand comment I made when I was talking about the rules of the photo last week--and Ragh’s reaction to the photo is making me move this theory back up to the top spot. I still wish they would show the photo to more people so we’d have more data for this. 

I loved Fig tossing Fabian a bardic inspiration for a compliment even though he didn’t really need it. I also love that she has a rider in her rockstar contract necessitating gogurt be at all her shows for Gilear. 

Adaine paranoidly casting water breathing on everyone at the slightest hint that they may have to go near water. Our girl is learning from the mistakes of the last oracle. 

With the gang facing off against the Nightmare King and Brennan’s description of the thing in Adaine’s tent as being humanoid, about her side, and sitting in a sort of defensive way, I’m wondering it what it was was a manifestation of her own anxiety or something along those lines. Of course, it could just be a normal ass monster. Sometimes the scariest thing is your inner turmoil and sometimes it’s just a monster trying to bite your head off. 

We also learn that Cathilda has a super wild adventurer’s life before she settled down to be a maid--so she knows what she’s missing and she’s fine with it--and also that she is paid ridiculously well, which makes me feel better about what’s going on with her. Also, her moment with Adaine and the cookies was so sweet. My notes for that scene say, “Adaine loves Cathilda and so do I.”

I loved Murph and Riz going equally Pepe Silvia trying to anagram out Garthy O’Brien (which is also what I was doing, especially since Brennan specifically spelled out the name). Cheers to Murph/Riz and Siobhan/Adaine trying to single handedly keep the story on track--both in and out of character.

There’s a part in this ep where Adaine Ray of Frosts Fig who immediately Hellish Rebukes her and that’s truly the kind of step-sister shenanigans I want to see from them as much as possible please and thank you. Also, like I said before, it was very sweet of Fig to reassure Adaine that she wasn’t just seeing things in the tent. Her catfishing middle aged men aside, she can be very empathetic when she wants to be.  

Adaine cast (or tried to cast Friends) on the thing in her tent. And I think it’s very telling about her character that that’s the spell she would cast and not an offensive one. Not that messing w/ someone’s brain is a super chill thing to do or anything, but I think, “Maybe I can calm whoever this is and talk to them and we can get some information,” is a much more measured reaction than maybe, “Let’s blast this thing to kingdom come and ask questions later.”

“Man van is a boat, my boat is a van.”

Brennan lets Adaine roll w/ advantage to convince the Hangman to come with them on the Van (which he still hates) because she said, “Please” really cute which is the kind of arbitrary DM fiat that I love. 

Adaine: We should tell them unless we’re being graded on a curve. (Savage.)

“Fig, she’s a maid. She’s not allowed to lie.”

All the skipper talk this ep got the Gilligan’s Island theme stuck in my head (never seen an ep but my mom watches it sometimes) so the next day I was getting dressed going “With Fabian, and the skipper too, the oracle, the PI,” to the GI theme song. Also, did not know skipper and captain were the same title until Fabian got all upset and I looked it up. Yet another piece of information I know because of some game (along with what a panacea is (Dragon Quest 9) and where the CDC is (Pandemic)).

Gorgug, being offered a virgin daiquiri: No thanks, I’m driving. (I’ve said this before: Zac low key has the best comic timing of anyone.)

When Riz is angraming, one of the things he ends up with is something about a “night yorb” which Brennan decided is a real thing that both the Hangman and the Van are very wary about. Having the Hangman constantly being like, “SPEAK NOT OF THE NIGHT YORB!” and the Van being like, “Seriously, don’t fuck with the night york,” was so funny and such nonsense. I can’t wait for the night yorb mini boss fight that has to happen now because of the rule of funny.

Gorgug comes down from his call with Zelda and everyone except for Fabian (and probably Ragh who cannon-balls off the boat w/ Fabian and they both have to be rescued by Sandra-Lynn) knows exactly what happened immediately. Aw, buddy. One of my favorite things about media where you have kids saving the world is you have relationship drama and also the world is ending and it all feels equally high stakes. I find that so funny but also it feels very representative of what high school was like, or at least what it felt like (minus the literal apocalypse, obv. Or maybe not. Idk what was going on at your high school). 

Adaine continues lending out Boggy to anyone who needs him.

Also, Gorgug tries to build a cell tower with driftwood and parts from Adaine’s jacket. It’s not going super hot. 

Both Adaine and Riz are podcast nerds and listen to This Solesian Life. All checks out. Their friendship is underrated.  

“I’m feeling really bad and my van is a boat.”

“I was gonna be straight edge except for drugs,” gives me “Sober salad” energy. 

The whole discussion about Kristen getting tracker silly putty for her birthday. 

The Van was serving some serious Ned Flanders energy along with the Owen Wilson energy this episode. 

Brennan does pretty good whale noises. 

Only crit this episode is Fig with a nat 20 insight to know Gorgug’s conversation with Zelda did not go well. Which is something she’d crit on.

[jq37]

have you seen the new fantasy high ep yet?? if so, thoughts??

**spoilers for battle of the bloodrush brethren**

First off, shout out to Brennan for always having battle eps with really cool themes. Rave battle. Skater battle. Bloodrush battle. Combat is my least fave part of rpg’s since it can be really mechanical and drag out so I’m glad he makes it interesting. 

Are you low on hitpoints?/I’M ALWAYS LOW ON HITPOINTS.

Kristen casting with her Comparative World Religions book. How does that even work? Which deity decided to do her a solid and let her channel with that? Or maybe she’s just channeling the universe in general? I read a LitRPG where a non-religious character playing a cleric who got stuck in a game did that.

I love that Fabian loses all of his fancy affectations when he’s on the warpath. “WHAT’S GOOD?” He’s still so salty about the bloodrush thing. 

Adaine casting Fly on Gorgug with seemingly no discussion. Did they plan that in advance or was that spur of the moment? And I mean in game, not out of game. Did Adaine see a football field full of monsters and go, “Gorgug should be airborne for this.” And speaking of

FLYING TANK GORGUG. 

Imagine if she had that spell when Gorgug went into a rage over that vulture. He would have punched a bird. 

He got to slay an owl-bear! I hope that’s good for his self-esteem. He was on fire all fight. 

Also, Adaine being like, “No, no, no, I can’t have helped kill an animal today.”

Imagine Kristen’s very religious parents reaction to a demonic motorbike in their driveway suddenly taking off to Sol knows where.

Can we talk about how Riz, the usually most thoughtful and careful member of the group and WHOSE MOM IS A COP, was the #1 member of the, “We need to kill Daybreak,” squad? Like, boy pulled out his gun and double-tapped the guy. Which, good riddance but dang. How is that conversation with his mom gonna go? Idk if fantasy guns have shell casings but I hope he cleaned his up if they do.

Also, the second I realized this was gonna be a football style fight, I was ready for the ball/The Ball jokes and they did not disappoint. 

Did not know Ray of Sickness could you make you sick from both ends. Good to know. Also, she gets a lot more utility from that spell than I would have assumed from episode one. 

OK, so if this is the episode that things go off track, I have to assume the thing they did that messed things up was kill Daybreak? Like maybe he was supposed to be a bigger big-bad? Maybe Brennan didn’t think they’d full kill him, they’d just incapacitated him? Idk because, besides that, it felt like regularly scheduled nonsense from the bad kids. But I also feel like Brennan is too good of a G to not have planned for that considering they had a body count from day 1. Alt options: Maybe they weren’t supposed to win this fight so easily? They rolled really well and the portal never opened. IDK, it could be literally anything and he never really broke composure. 

If you think about it, Kristen picked a good time to break from the faith because if she doesn’t have a connection to Sol anymore, they can’t make her a portal. Just something I was thinking about while watching this ep. 

This ep also brings up something I was thinking about last ep. Fig will sometimes cast spells while she’s disguised, but I assume she’s still using her bass, right? So was she pretending to be a doctor and also holding her bass and casting sleep? Did no one have questions about that?

LIVING LA VIDA LOCA

I love that their list of demands to Ragh (sp?) confusingly included having him vote Fabian and Fig for prom king/queen? @Adaine Weird flex but OK.

But yeah! Great team intimidation effort. Everyone was in synch from the no heart taunt to the whistle to somehow making the shit pants thing work even though it made zero sense. I wonder how having a pet jock is gonna work for them.

Riz on saving Ragh, “HE DUNKED ME IN THE TRASH AND CALLED THE THE BALL!”

I don’t remember which of the girls left Adaine alone to deal w/ the Owlbear but Bill Seacaster would have been displeased. 

I will always love Riz riding on ppl’s shoulders. 

I am really happy the party has revivify now because I feel like they’re def gonna be needing it at some point. 

Where did those skeletal players even come from? Like, they weren’t buried under the field I hope. 

Fabian took the Hangman from Johnny and now Daybreak’s whistle. He’s his dad’s son alright. 

Sidenote:I lowkey thought that he was gonna use his whistle to control the zombies because it seems like it would make sense. That wasn’t the case but wouldn’t it be dope if Fabian ended up having a demon bike and a way to call an undead army?

I really need Riz’s mom to be in the next episode. 

And Adaine’s parents. 

Honestly, everyone's’ parents need to react to this latest nonsense. I want a parent teacher conference and/or open house episode OK?