#fiction + chronic depression/ptsd lol i will take it

[maedhbros]

it’s actually ridiculous how much my mood has improved in the last 15 minutes because of a fictional lawyer not being dead like it’s now a beautiful day birds are singing there’s music in the air complete 180. fiction is so powerful

[chronicbeans]

Random Tales from the Iolite Hospital Info Dump (Aluminum and Dr. Cogsworth Edition)

because whenever I feel sucky I think about this story, mainly these two gremlins. Lol. This includes both info for in story stuff and kinda the creation of these characters, because I just found them interesting to talk about in general. Also this has turned out long as heck so I am writing most of this with my good, painless arm, in case anyone is concerned about me pushing myself. OwO

TW: Chronic Illness, Hospital Setting/Doctors, Mentions of Stalking, Depression/Anxiety, Trauma, Mentions of Possible PTSD, Age Regression Due to Trauma

Aluminum:

He's a little bean that's been with me a good long while before the story was conceived. He actually started out as a random character I would draw to cope with whatever came about in my life (mostly my chronic illness diagnosis, lol. Hence the fact we have the same illness). I usually drew him age regressing, in a sort of "I want to cope via this, but I have nothing to do so, so I shall cope through drawing this small man here doing those activities" sorta way. It actually tricked one of my friends into thinking he was like... 11 instead of 27 because I only drew him regressing. Once I realized I wanted to write a story with him to kinda bring awareness to what my experiences with chronic illness are like, I knew I had to work on his character outside of age regression more, so it has actually become a rather small part of his character at the moment.

In case some couldn't tell, he shares some of my own experiences with me, mostly the severity of his case of eosinophilic esophagitis and his experiences with it. I usually don't really like when authors put too many irl experiences into fictional works or main characters, not because I think they are like... being full of themselves or anything, since a lot of the times I have seen it done, it is to express their own feelings on a topic or because the book was entirely about their own life with a hint of fantasy in it. It just isn't my cup of tea to read, but I respect those who enjoy writing that way or consuming that content. However, due to my story dealing with a lot of sensitive topics like chronic illness and trauma, I kinda decided to have Aluminum share some of my experiences with chronic illness, due to me actually having experience with that specific illness so I can have the main focus being something I can more accurately write for than say... Epilepsy, which I don't have. A lot of his personality traits, though, are original. He is more prone to outbursts of extreme emotion, such as anger or sadness, as well as more open about everything he feels. He is also just more sociable in certain ways. While he won't approach people, the second you talk to him, he will be pretty open about the most random of things. He wanders around more often, be more prone to making assumptions, and can be a bit of a jerk at times, especially when he doesn't mean to be one.

Aluminum, due to being brought into the hospital at 16, never finished high school. He is pretty smart, though. He just doesn't have much info about your basic high school stuff. He has troubles when it comes to math, but when it comes to some random medical fact, he can tell you all about it. This is mostly due to the books in the recreation room mostly involving the conditions others on the C-Floor have, but even before getting put into Iolite Hospital, he researched medical facts so that he could properly take care of a wide variety of kids if he ever got his dream job at a daycare. He doesn't take much time to read about the conditions themselves, mostly hoping for another book on his own so he can keep updated on any news about it, but the most random of facts from them will stick in his mind. He can talk about how photosensitive epilepsy is actually only present in about 3% of epilepsy patients, despite being talked about more often than other types of triggers, like stress, scents, and others. However, if you ask him about say, an algebra problem, he will struggle, no matter how basic it might be.

He's got some pretty strong trauma due to how difficult swallowing pills is for him. Needles have just always been horrifying for him, being made worse due to having to be around one for at least once a week. Pills, however, scare him due to past experiences with them. Nobody would really expect their kid to have a physical condition that causes difficulty swallowing, and since Aluminum always thought the pain of swallowing was a normal thing, he would try to swallow pills. In fact, a lot of the time, his parents would encourage him to try to swallow pills, believing he just had pill anxiety that caused him to swallow it improperly, with a large part of the assumption being that he was diagnosed with anxiety. He always, ALWAYS choked on it or got it lodged in his throat. By now, whenever he so much as thinks of pills, he thinks of all his horrible memories of those events regarding pills, so he avoids them whenever possible. It's not like he can swallow them, anyways, but even crushed pills are frightening, despite him not having to swallow it whole. A few of his doctors and nurses think he might have some mild form of PTSD from those experiences, but since none of them are licensed in the mental health field, they can't be sure. Especially since, either way, he obsessively thinks about a lot of things, and has diagnosed anxiety from before being brought in. So they can't tell if they should treat it like he has PTSD, or anxiety being fed by traumatic events and obsessive thinking.

Aluminum loves mice and deer. Sure, a bit of a strangely specific choice in favorite animals, but he just likes them. He likes mice due to how small they are, as well as the fact that they have been useful in testing related to his illness. He doesn't agree with animal testing, but he can't really stop people from doing it, so he might as well show his appreciation for the species. He likes deer because he finds them pretty. They are also so free out in the wild and one of the most common animals for him to see from the hospital windows. He does get a bit sad when he sees some of the sick deer around the area, which has been getting more and more common, lately. As disturbing as he finds it to think this way, he hopes the very sick deer die, so they don't suffer long. In those moments, he gets lost in a spiral of thoughts, wondering if some people think of him that way.

He has undiagnosed ADHD, with a big part of it being undiagnosed being due to how he got put into the hospital at a relatively young age, and the fact that his anxiety is so bad his therapist couldn't tell if he had ADHD alongside his anxiety, or if his anxiety was so bad it caused ADHD symptoms. Now that he is in the Iolite Hospital, however, he will probably never find out that he has it.

His eosinophilic esophagitis has practically become his identity, but he will always deny it. He knows that it is most likely causing him to just increase his own agony by focusing on it so much and making it a big part of his identity, but he can't help it at this point. He is so focused on the pain and misery it has been causing him, what it stops him from doing, how little people know about it, and anything involving it, that he cannot really see anything else in life. He will, most likely, talk about it to someone he just met, even if he doesn't even know that person's name or anything about them. He says it is because that person needs to know about what foods he can and cannot eat, what it prevents him from doing, etc., but in reality, it is just because he doesn't know how to talk about anything else at this point. Well, the only other thing he knows how to talk about is complaining about everything that has gone wrong in his life, with the main topic still being his chronic illness, but that doesn't really count. It still involves his illness. Any other topic of conversation will get a very short reply from him, as he tries to focus on the conversation, but fails to come up with any reply in response. It would probably go something like "Hey, Aluminum! [INSERT CONVERSATION TOPIC OTHER THAN EOE HERE]. What's your opinion?" "Oh... That's cool... Did you know that my doctor messed up my prescription of dupilumab, again? They freaking rescheduled the next refill again!!! Everything is going wrong!!!"

He knows how he feels, but sucks at explaining it to others verbally. He is pretty good at writing about them, though, but just uses very verbose words compared to most of the other patients, like "malady", "ascertain", or even "phantasmagorical". Due to this, some get confused. Due to Derek having to write down his words, though, he has a pretty large vocabulary, and can tell what Aluminum is trying to say.

Dr. Cogsworth:

First thing first: this man is like... completely contradictory in some ways by design. He runs on strict systems, like how the healthcare system in my country works. For many outsiders, if feels like healthcare providers think "If A is found out, B should be done first. The C factor in the patient's health chart, be it a predisposition to condition D or a bad reaction to B, then we still go with it, taking great care while doing so, despite all the bad that might happen. The patient's emotions only matter if they are causing problems with treatment." Although that is not entirely the case, it can still happen, and is mostly how the Iolite Hospital works. So, that is how Dr. Cogsworth works, due to being designed for it. He looks at things with less of an emotional point of view, seeing things more logically and objectively, despite that logic being broken from time to time.

The contradictory part comes in from him genuinely seeing flaws in both his own design and the design of the hospital's system. No two patients are the same, so not everyone will respond to the same treatments well. So they should treat each patient differently. He doesn't understand his own emotions, though, so it is so hard to understand the emotions of others. From simply knowing why a patient feels bad to trying to read body language, he is absolutely clueless. The most he knows is "frown is bad, smile is good. Why tf are none of my patients smiling?" His attempts at comfort usually always fail, with the few that do succeed only succeeding due to the person desiring a response based on cold logic rather than emotional comfort. When trying to copy others who can give an emotional sort of comfort, it still fails, because his gestures, actions, and words not feeling as though they are done with sincerity. He may be doing the right things, but it is not out of an understanding for the person's emotional state, but simply because he has seen those actions work before.

On the topic of him seeing others doing things... he is like... stalking Aluminum and his friends. Mostly Aluminum, but he does stalk his friends to try to understand what Aluminum wants out of a companion in terms of comfort. It is not necessarily being done out of any obsession with Aluminum or his friends as people, either, though that is a part of the reason. It is almost entirely out of a desire to comfort patients better, to understand how they feel being stuck in the Iolite Hospital, to just... Understand patients, in general. Aluminum just so happens to be the most outspoken one, but never to Dr. Cogsworth. To Dr. Cogsworth, he mostly spits out pure frustration, with next to no intelligible information. To his friends, however, he gives a lot of emotional details, complete thoughts, and more information that Dr. Cogsworth sees as "reliable and useful for research". Even in this situation, however, he fails to defeat the system. So, he will follow Aluminum or his friends around the hospital whenever he has free time, even trying to wriggle his way into his presence during moments when someone else should be present (such as how administering medication should be done by a nurse, and not the GI doctor themself). By relying on Aluminum as the only basis for a patient, he fails to see that not every patient will have the same thoughts, opinions, personality and experiences as Aluminum. Something that Aluminum seeks out for comfort may only worsen another's distress.

He doesn't know why his emotions are blocked. As mentioned a few other times, he has emotions, but just cannot properly express or recognize them. The most he is able to do is talk about how the emotions make him feel physically, which doesn't do much. A racing heart (or in his case, music box) can mean a wide variety of things, like love, anxiety, embarrassment, fear, anger... So everyone is still confused. Unknown to him, a large amount of the time he simply feels apathetic, which could be contributing to his lack of emotional recognition skills, alongside the fact that outside of appointments, he barely gets any true social interaction. The day to day life of going through the same motions involved in appointments hasn't given him much emotional stimulation and what little he did get, he has become entirely numbed from feeling it so often.

[telepathy-supremacy]

About Me

(Highly recommend reading this before you follow, but that's purely up to you. Just don't blame me if you get caught off guard by something I post/reblog when it's right here lol)

Raelyn

She/her

Main: @raelyn-dreams

Haikyuu Sideblog: @futureacesquad

Twisted Wonderland Sideblog: @pieceofourworld

I'm cool with dark topics in fiction, and believe in freedom of art: banning is a huge no-no for me no matter the content. As long as it's tagged, I follow "DL;DR" to a T, and highly advise other people following me do the same :)

Honestly, I don't have much if anything for interaction rules, but some things you should probably know:

Basically, as long as there's no explicit Not-safe-for-Luke discussions with me, we're good!

Don't drag me into fandom discourse, because a: 98% of the time I don't know what's going on and b: I'm happy in my own little curated bubble, please and thank you :)

I post whatever I feel at any given time, don't really have a schedule, I just kind do what I want.

And, last thing: I'm not a heavy interactor (I've had some bad past fandom experiences and I'm just not that type of person anyway), but I do appreciate any support I get 😊

Writing Request Rules

General Rules:

Please be nice!

Send your request through an ask or PM me.

I reserve the right to decline an ask for any reason (though I'll almost always give an explanation, and you're still free to request other things!)

I'm alright with translations, podfics, etc, as long as permission is given from me first!

Things I Will Write:

OG + Nightbringer events

Anything hurt/comfort (this is my jam!

Angst

Canon-compliant (missing scenes, character studies, etc)

Canon-divergent (provided it's a small-scale divergence)

Fluff!!!!!

Mephisto, Raphael, and Thirteen

Pre-Fall, War, and Post-Fall (before game events)

Alcohol/Demonus Use

Depression, Anxiety, ADHD, OCD, PTSD, Bipolar 2, Chronic Pain

Panic/Anxiety Attacks

Characters of any sexual orientation.

Characters under the trans/nb/intersex umbrella

Characters on the aro/ace spectrums

Anything not mentioned here or on my other lists is also most likely a yes!

Things I Will Write, But May Take Longer Due To Research:

Eating Disorders

Autism, Schizophrenia, Bipolar 1, Severe Phobias, Dementia, Alzheimer's, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Mythomania (Pathological Lying), Narcissistic Personality Disorder, etc (feel free to ask me if something isn't mentioned!)

Cultural Traditions

Celestial Realm/Devildom Lore

Things I Won't Write:

Explicit Content

Excessive Gore

Smoking/Vaping/Tobacco Use

Child/Animal Abuse

Drug Use

Whump

Anything romantic/sexual involving Luke or MC

Anything I feel I lack the knowledge to write properly at this point in time

Character Death (excluding canonically-dead characters)

Suicide-Baiting (I'm aware Asmo does it a couple times in-game - I personally think of it as one of his flaws that he needs to work out, so I personally won't be writing it)

^ Adding to this, any of the characters being complete assholes to each other in general. While I'm cool writing fights, arguments, banter and misunderstandings, anything past what, say, Mammon gets in game is typically a no.

Explicit Demoncest

Anything set within the major events of the game past Lesson 20 (reaper arc, human world, student council trials, etc). This is purely due to the fact that I either haven't gotten to them yet or don't feel confident in my ability to write about them.

Anything heavily including Michael

AUs

[mikenewtonhateblog]

My oc’s aka too long of a gd post

The “BL” Crew (does not stand for boys love I’m just a moron who made that abbreviation before knowing what it stands for). My main crew and main series, a lot is a big WIP right now as I’m slowly redoing the first book and all the lore. Why? I love torture. Book is fantasy type but I won’t specify what.

Lacie, the protagonist. God tier idiot, bisexual bipolar depressed MESS, insomniac, former theater kid, doesn’t know what she wants out of life but currently it is not This(plot of book). Hot headed, impulsive, crude, rude, Mommy IssuesTM, would rather be taking a nap right now, rules are made to be broken, absolutely fucking FERAL, more bags under her eyes than the airport lost and found. 5’5, 130lbs, Aries, age 18, white as shit like literally the whitest human you have ever seen, strawberry blonde hair in a 2011 Hayley Willaims haircut with long bangs, the darkest brown eyes you’ve ever seen that stare directly into your soul. Lanky, no curves, body of a 12 year old boy but works out so she can and will kick your ass and thats a threat. Not human?

Josh. Soft boy, smart, Lacie’s cousin and only friend for like the first 18 years of her life, autistic anxious mess who’s special interest is anchient egyptian history, is in honors classes, despises math, passes out when his girlfriend looks too cute, just needs a hug. Can eat a whole carton of easy mac if left alone, whole wardobe is the same outfit just different colors/hoodies, sensory issues, seriously can someone give this guy a hug. 5’9, 150lbs, Pisces, age 18, mixed (half whatever flavor of white Lacie’s family is [they don’t even know its just some scandanavian shit and irish], and half mexican on his mom’s side), medium olive skin with freckles and moles, dark chocolate brown hair that’s a bit of a 2009 Beiber cut, warm brown eyes, not beefy, a lil thicc and self concious about it but squishy boys are GOOD. Gets bit by a werewolf so now he is one his mood on it is “thats a lot to unpack but let’s just throw the whole suitcase away”.

Zander. There is not one braincell in this man, himbo KING, pansexual dumbass with undiagnosed ADHD, no impulse control, head empty and full at the same time, PTSD, his fashion sense should be an actual crime, gets in fights to feel something, basic requirements for him to be attracted to you: kick his ass. Drinks his respect women juice, sees a folding table and must immediately launch himself on it, chaotic, cannot drive a car and will not, food aggression and eats enough for 3 people but never gains weight which is ILLEGAL, him and Lacie may be a couple.....but in this house we stan slow burn, he talks in caps and every sentence either ends with a question mark or exclaimation point, likes romcoms. 6’2, 190lbs, Sagittarius, age 19, austrailian roots and has the accent but is from [REDACTED FOR STORY REASONS], white, dorito shaped with long legs, blueish black hair that’s long and messy, dark navy eyes that match his hair, bigass neck scar from [REDACTED]. Not human

Peter. Gay dad friend who is TIRED of having to be in charge of a bunch of teenagers, only one with full functioning braincells, lowkey a genius who loves engineering, mixes magical technology with human technology because he likes to play god, is he ever sober? No one knows, will kill for a bottle of single malt, his fashion sense? Tastefully expensive suits perfectly tailored. Likes building his own weapons that no one else knows how to even use, generally non-threatening but can get scary if needed. 6’4, 140lbs string bean man, Scorpio, age 179 but looks early 30s, I know I said Lacie is the whitest human but he’s even paler like a literal sheet of paper with scandanavian roots/ancestors were vikings or some shit, blonde hair styled like 2013 Brendon Urie lmfao, light crystal blue eyes. He’s a vampire and was born one.

Danielle. Tiny, sweet, queen of girls supporting girls, comments on all her friends instagram posts with 20 emojis, LOVES fashion and has a wardrobe that would make anyone jealous, oozes feminine energy, only child and parents are in love still, gets exactly 8 hours of sleep each night and wakes up looking like a disney princess. Just because she is small and cute doesn’t mean you should underestimate her she WILL fuck your shit up. Quiet when angey which is terrifying. Josh is her bf and she loves him so much but also loves teashing the shit out of him. Legally cannot cuss, polite, used her high heels as a weapon once, speaks like 5 languages because studying them is her hobby, gardens, hugs everyone. 5’0, 110, Taurus, age 18, mixed (half french-american, half Korean-american), glowy skin always, PETITE frame aka the friend everyone can pick up when they hug, long past her waist curly brown hair, bright green eyes. She’s not fully human as she has fae blood in her and this gives her the ability to talk to and control plants. Flower crowns for everyone

Becca. Theater kid who would die to sing in Wicked and has the vocal range to do so, cannot wait to graduate and go to her dream college which she got into and a scholarship, closeted lesbian bc her whole giant family is extremely catholic and she feels like not dealing with it, “no boys allowed in bedroom” rule is her favorite joke, chill, middle child of 5 siblings and just wants some peace and quiet for ONCE. Her fashion sense is “I’m dropping subtle hints I’m gay but only to other gays”, has a black belt and took self defense classes. 5’6, 145lbs, Virgo, age 18, Latina (cuban and mexican mix), darker brown skin with light freckles over her nose, athletic build, eyebrows on POINT, bright caramel eyes, short light brown hair cut in a bob, has a tiny nose stud, always wears a blue friendship bracelet her gf made her. Human

Anika. Calling her a bitch/slut is a compliment, bisexual, a bit of a mean girl but she grows out of it give her time!!! Is always Too Much, the horny friend, favorite color is red so thats almost all of her outfits, loves to show off her body as much as she can because she’s hot and knows it and thrives in her own confidence. Her mom is literally like Regina George’s mom from Mean Girls but married a rich man 20 years older than her, Anika doesn’t know her bio dad but thats fine neither does her mom and her step dad is nice and does his best to be a dad. Becca’s gf, always hanging out at her home so Becca can get some quiet because Anika’s an only child and has a pool. 5’9, 135lbs, Gemini, age 18, white, long layered dark reddish brown hair, teal-blue eyes, swimmers body type (I normally do not mention bust size but she would want the internet to know she was blessed with big bahoogles so there you go), can sprint in heels. Half mermaid (boy was that a surprise considering her mom doesn’t know who her father is LOL)

Rex. Nb uses they/them he/him pronouns but honestly will respond to any, goth lite, only attracted to men and ace, can read minds so knows all your secrets, mischevious little shit, great friends with Zander and enjoys his dumbass thoughts and that he’s basically a human version of Jackass, wears too many rings, goth boots for kicking and fashion babey, always has the freshest memes and will not hesitate to roast in the group chat, hangs with the girls most of the time. Chaos god who loves making art, be gay do crime, skateboard and spraypaint. 5’8”, 165lbs, Leo, age 18, Native American, masculine frame, dark brown skin, blue eyes, firetruck red shoulder length hair that’s usually in a ponytail, knock-off gucci sunglasses just for judging their friends. Has magic in their blood so not entirely human and can cast spells and shit (don’t roast me its a wip and I’m doing my research)

Sam. Boho goddess, aromantic, makeup and nails are always instagram worthy, quiet and stoic type but losens up around close friends, Rex is her best friend, has some trauma and doesn’t want to talk about it, emotionally numbed out a bit and wants to purely vibe. Has seen some of the worst parts of humanity and wishes she hadn’t, finds no point in being bitter or resentful though because that won’t change anything, loves cats and once she moves out shes adopting one or three. Has wine aunt energy. 5’4, 200lbs PLUS SIZE QUEEN, Scorpio, age 18, Filipino (her parents are immigrants fun fact!), really olive skin sometimes has a grey/green tinge to it, dark brown almost black shoulder length hair, gold-hazel eyes. Sam’s the victim of a family curse that requires her to consume human hearts to survive, she can transform into a pretty scary looking being and uses this curse to hunt down pedoph*les, r*pists, murderers, and abusers. The less often she feeds the less human she looks, hence the constant grey/green tinge to her skin. 

Andy. Baby of the group, must be protected at all costs, 100% didn’t sign up to be in a friendgroup of 90% monsters but highkey loves it, trans, bi, anxiety MAXED, just wants to draw comics and cosplay spiderman, has to babysit his two younger sisters a lot because his parents are....not great, and as a result now knows all the lines to Tangled and The Little Mermaid. Big nerd energy, has to draw on everything including homework, gets inspiration for comics from his friends, awkward and socially anxious, drinks way too much tea and will accidentally steal your pens. Fears include: crowds, thunder, tall angry men, tiny spaces. Just trying his best. 5’2, 100lbs BEANPOLE BOY, Leo, age 16, white (irish and scottish roots), freckles absolutely EVERYWHERE, orangey red hair thats in desperate need of a haircut, chocolate brown eyes, braces, chronic nail biter. Human and kinda wishes he wasn’t.

That’s it for now if you read all this bless u thank u here is my whole heart. Please no discourse, literally these are fictional people I’ll never publish the books they go to.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #98

“white trash, get down on your knees.”

have you ever lied to a person of authority? what did you say? i mean, i've lied to my parents. and i don't know, multiple things that don't immediately come to my head. are your eyebrows darker than your hair? yeah. what do you prefer, lasagna or spaghetti and meatballs? spaghetti w/ meatballs. i don't like lasagna because of the cheese. are all your pets micro chipped? no, but they have tags. would you ever cope in a jail? NO. i would be depressed out of my SENSES. have you ever seen an alligator in person? in zoos as well as the wild. when hurricane floyd like ruined everything, the zoo flooded and was essentially destroyed. apparently, an alligator got out, because i saw one in the ditch once shortly after the hurricane. that zoo was never rebuilt. do you live across from a corn field? no, but i once lived across from a tobacco field. welcome to nc. how long have you been tattooed? if you’re not, do you want to get tattooed?  i got my first for my 18th birthday, so a few years. are you a liberal?  not mostly, but i have some liberal traits, ex. i support gay marriage. were you fearless or a coward in the face of the child hunter in "chitty chitty bang bang?" i'm pretty sure he scared me. i don't remember much about the movie. did you ever hit anything while learning to drive?  i literally almost immediately hit a curb lol. jeff foxworthy, bill engvall, ron white, or larry the cable guy? i enjoy them all, but jeff's gotta top the list. have you or a pet ever gotten a tapeworm? no. i would rather die than get one. i am deathly afraid of internal parasites. do you know any furries? yes. i once lived with two of 'em. do you ever worry about your future? (i.e.: college, marriage, kids, etc)  yes. more than anything, i worry about what my job situation is going to be like. do you snore? steal the covers? roll around in your sleep? I STEAL THE FUCK OUT OF COVERS is the lion the best character in "the wizard of oz?"  i actually like the scarecrow. would you immediately look for someone right after you broke up with your bf/gf? no. it just doesn't seem... right. if you became a doctor, would you help your patients kill themselves? no. just. no. do you tell your best friend EVERYTHING? no. do you have someone who you can be your complete self around? only sara and connie. have you ever tried to learn another language? how did it go? i took four years of german, and i got to the point where i was pretty fluent. it's atrophied all to hell though. have you ever shared a house with a significant other? an apartment, yes. do you have a crush on anyone? tell me about them. i'm dating whom i have a crush on. have you ever had something signed by someone famous? what and who? no. i think. does your father have any facial hair? he has a van dyke beard/mustache. have you ever felt like you were making a mistake when dating someone? oh boy, have i. did you continue the relationship or end it when you realized? ended it. do you think you look similar to your siblings? we have some similarities. ex., we all have the same shade of brown hair naturally. have you ever played cards against humanity? did you like it? oh my actual god, one time when i was at colleen's, we did as a family. we all had a couple drinks, so it was funnier than it should've been. closest i have EVER been to peeing myself. however, it's not as funny with subsequent plays, because you know what cards to expect. do you know anyone who’s lived through a natural disaster? yeah, me and many family members and friends. hurricanes are a common occurrence in nc. how many brothers/sisters do you have? two immediate sisters, one half-brother, three half-sisters. are you lactose intolerant? no. would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?  dude i am the weirdest mix of both lol. how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain. they are wonderful ways of expression. i just find some piercings aesthetically pleasing on certain people, while tattoos are how you can easily paint the picture of your life on yourself. list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel. i've only been to one, and that was alice cooper. it was very fun, despite thunderstorming the whole time. have you ever been on drugs for anxiety, depression, mental illness? i have been since the 6th grade and i still am. do you like green apples?  only if they're crisp. have you ever had a guinea pig for a pet? yes. squeak, harry potter, snickers, and one other whose name i've forgotten... do you shop at hot topic? yes. have you ever studied any new age or occult religions such as wicca?  no, but they intrigue me, especially wicca. would you rather be a boy or girl?  a girl. do you prefer to be around introverted or extroverted people?  introverted. not trying to generalize here, but i find they tend to be more insightful. what do you think makes you a good girlfriend or boyfriend? i'm devoted and loyal as fuck, very loving, and will emotionally support a partner through thick and thin. what do you think makes you a bad girlfriend or boyfriend? one, my anxiety and insecurity. i've also never encountered this situation before, but i honestly feel that i'd get pretty jealous if he ever hung out with another girl platonically, because i'm immensely paranoid. like do not get me wrong, i wouldn't prevent him from doing it, i'd just be very worried. an issue i'm sure a lot of people would have with me is the fact i'm a pretty big prude. has anyone written a song or a piece of poetry about you? yeah. but i can virtually guarantee he used it on other girls. how many drinks does it take for you to become drunk?  i wouldn't know, considering i've never been drunk. i was relatively tipsy after four bottles of very mild alcohol, though. do you admire brutal honesty?  sometimes. other times it is completely unnecessary. what is your party trick? hiding out in the background somewhere, playing with your pet. <-- THIS haha <<< SAME if you had a mental disorder, what would it be? i'm diagnosed with chronic depression, general anxiety & social anxiety, ptsd (which i think i'm recovered from), and i've heard both bipolar ii and borderline personality disorder. do you think the "paranormal activity" movies were scary? no. i actually liked them. do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed? i'm honestly very passive, so aggressive. the last time you drank with someone else or more than one person who was in the worst shape? chelsea always is. she takes two bottles of light alcohol and she's vomiting lol. what would you say is the worst part of high school, period? you're going through it in arguably the biggest time of your life. you are constantly changing and developing and going through so much mentally. you're still figuring out who you want to be. not to mention, you're expected to make huge decisions, all the while still having to ask to go to the bathroom. you have so much responsibility just all of the sudden while your brain is morphing a lot. are you someone who actually likes to babysit children? no. too much responsibility. not to mention they try to get into everything; you can't turn away for two seconds. what is the worst name a friend has ever called you? do you remember? probably just "bitch" or something along the line. no friend has ever called me one to my face, but i can literally guarantee some have. ACTUALLY. to my face, i was called a martyr by my ex's friend after the break-up. and i'm certain he didn't mean it as in "you'd die for your beliefs," he meant it as in "hey you pretend it's the apocalypse to get sympathy."  which is entirely fucking untrue about me. that honestly hurt a lot and it still sticks with me. it honestly made me more uncomfortable to express my feelings. do you find any of your friends’ parents creepy or really mean? i can't stand colleen's mom because she's a grade-a bitch, and her dad makes me uncomfortable, but he's not creepy. what is your least favorite word? i literally abhor the word "cunt." hurts to even type. what turns you on? various, pretty normal stuff. what turns you off? the usual stuff - bad hygiene, bad manners, etc <–Yep. <<<< I agree. <<<<< same. have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist? i've had one since the 6th grade. have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? not a legitimate crush, no. who is your celebrity crush? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) who is your most loyal friend? i honestly feel like connie. we've literally never fought, and she's always been there.

why are you happy, if you even are?

 because i've come so far in my recovery that i have no excuse to complain.

is there a secret you’ve never told your parents?

 yes.

what do you think of when you hear the name mark?

lol you know exactly who i think of.

kristin?

 no one.

zoe?

only the best character from "ssx tricky"

jamie?

 no one.

adam?

alex shepherd's dad from "silent hill: homecoming"

carmen?

the best dancer that was ever at the dance studio i used to go to

do you like fluffy yogurts?

NO. i CANNOT do the texture.

don’t you hate that you have to watch the baby being born in health class?

 i actually never did. but i physically wouldn't have been able to. i would've 100% shielded my eyes.

what’s the earliest memory you have?

walking out into the living room with my stuffed baby bunny and seeing ashley play "medievil" (i'm pretty sure that's how they spelled it). we all used to love that game. we only had the demo disc, though.

do you ever say “fail” when people mess up?

no, but i usually say "gg" lol

how important is it for a significant other to be good with kids?

not all that important considering i don't want any, but simultaneously, i certainly wouldn't tolerate them being mean to kids.

what was the last thing that hurt your feelings? was it warranted or do you think you just took it too personally?

i'd rather just not talk about it, but yeah, it was warranted.

what is your dad’s name?

kenneth, but everyone calls him ken.

does your mother have a sister? if so, what's her name?

 ... wait,

does

she? i don't think so, actually... maybe...

is your favorite color the same as when you were a kid?

 not exactly; my first favorite color was just normal red, now it's maroon.

who last grabbed your ass?

 chelsea lol

have you ever been called a slut/whore?

no, because i am literally the direct opposite. well correction, chelsea, colleen, and alex have playfully, but none of them have ever meant it. we all call each other shit names lol. all in love<3

who is your favorite foreign singer/musician?

 rammstein. they have amazing music and their lyrics are usually pretty cool.

do you ever get mad at people for not having the same opinion as you (ie abortion being wrong/right, meat-eating being wrong/right)?

no. i enjoy people having different opinions.  grow the fuck up and let people think differently.

do you edit any of your pictures? in what ways?

yes. i tend to do general things, like color correction and basic enhancement. sometimes i do more, particularly if it's legitimate photography of mine, in which case i tend to either bump up or desaturate the colors.

who do you know personally that has a nice singing voice?

 colleen

what months were you and your siblings born in?

as far as immediate siblings, april and june, and i was born in february.

do you prefer prince or michael jackson?

jackson. i was never into prince.

do you like spring rolls?

yeah. ruby tuesday's has the best.

when was the last time you painted something?

it's been about a year.

name one favorite thing to do with kids while babysitting.

if they're old enough, i love to teach them how to play games from my childhood. if not, idk. i just in general don't like watching kids.

what kind of things do you post on tumblr?

rhett&link + markiplier stuff, mostly. but i also reblog some funny stuff, plus meerkat pictures.

what band would you stand in line for 24 hours to see?

 none.

name the three biggest things that make up you.

passion, anxiety, dank memage. *finger guns*

what song is your ‘anthem’?

 the song "that's what you get" by paramore reminds me most of myself, particularly the line "i drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating."

which movie villain do you find the most terrifying?

hmmm. a number. i find christabella laroache from the "silent hill" moving frightening (no, i'm not being biased) because she's like the queen example that religion can drive people insane. the joker is also horrifying for the simple fact he's legitimately insane.

do you think frogs/toads look disgusting?

no, they're cute.

what happens when you strongly disagree with someone?

if i voice my opinion, i get very scared that they'll get angry with me. if i don't, nothing. i just accept their opinion.

have you ever been tested for drugs?

yes, while i was at the er for suicide attempts/being suicidal.

do you own any fish? if so, are the docile or aggressive?

no.

if your lover cheated on you and profusely apologized, would you accept them back into your life?

nope.

are you allergic to any insect bites?

no.

who is your favorite golden girl?

rose!!! (:

what is your favorite commercial of the moment?

it is legitimately always going to be the sexy mr. clean commercial lmao

do you have any famous relatives?

 not relatives, but ancestors. we're related to queen victoria and william clark.

favorite album?

"black rain" by ozzy osbourne. i literally love every song on the album and it was my first voyage into heavy metal.

if your son said he was gay, how would you react?

i would be really really proud of him for trusting me with such a thing!!

would you date someone who played video games all weekend long?

 so long he does his responsibilities, sure. let him do what he enjoys.

what are your top three video games of all time?

"silent hill 2," "amnesia: a machine for pigs," and then probably "silent hill 3."

what's your favorite care bear?

i remember i liked the one with a rainbow on its stomach.

state 8 facts about your body.

i'm 5'5''. just gonna say i'm bigger than i'm supposed to be. i have five piercings. my hair is naturally brown, but dyed red. my eyes are blue. the nail on both of my rings fingers is slightly deformed (my sisters' are, too). i have incredibly tiny toes. i wear glasses.

what was your kinkiest wet dream?

 not a kinky person over here.

what song, no matter where you are or what you are doing, immediately takes you back to high school?

 "all signs point to lauderdale" by a day to remember, DEFINITELY.

do you think you could join the army?

no way. i couldn't anyway because i'm mentally ill/have a suicidal history.

would you date someone who has cheated in their previous relationships?

nope.

do you have soft hands? do you like holding hands?

just about everyone who's ever touched my hands tells me they're soft. and yeah, so long they're not sweaty.

do you think having a sleepover with a guy is theoretically acceptable?

 to me, it really depends on where you're sleeping.

have you ever failed a class?

 only in college.

have you ever cried over a breakup?

 only for over a year.

are you planning on dying your hair any time soon?

hopefully.

do you feel as though you're good at understanding/communicating with animals?

people have called me dr. doolittle since i was a very young kid for a reason lol

where would you like to spend your honeymoon?  

i actually don't have big plans. i'd just love to spend a little while in the mountains of nc.

what's one thing you collected as a child:

stickers. my dresser at the time was legitimately covered.

what fictional animal do you wish was real?

oh my GOD, the fey dragons from wow. they are fucking adorable and so pure.

have you ever been told you’ve punched someone in your sleep?

lol yeah. sorry, jason.

have you ever written a song or poem for someone special?

 a few poems, yeah.

what is your favorite vampire book/movie/show?

 i remember i loved the book "bite me"

do you actually know anyone who is homophobic?

 yes.

did you ever read "the giver"? see the movie?

i read the book and loved it.

what was your first impression of your best friend?

i don't have a *best* friend, but i'll answer for the two closest to me. one, i don't really remember because we were super super young. the other, oh my god it was obvious we hated each other.

what is your profile pic a picture of?

i'mma just answer for like... all of them lol. main tumblr & youtube: link neal (but i'mma change yt to mark when i'm not being lazy); facebook&this blog: me; deviantart: an oc; km rp: mark fischbach; aaand i'm sure i'm forgetting some

have you ever been dumped really harshly?

very. he dumped me over facebook messenger like a coward, considering we'd been dating for 3 1/2 years.

has a tree ever fallen down on your house?

yes, during a hurricane. i was totally knocked out asleep so i didn't even hear it land directly above my head lol. then at our second house, a tree fell on our fuel tank, literally landing directly beside the cap, sooo we're lucky as fuck it didn't blow up.

would you ever get your hips pierced?

no. dermals sound really painful.

what if someone asked you to be in a relationship with them?

 i'm in a relationship right now and am happy that way.

what will your next piercing be?

my nose.

what do you regret doing at FAR too young?

i'd rather just not talk about it.

marvel or dc?

dc, maybe.

what are you most proud of?

how far i've come

what is your favorite otp?

that actually exists, mark&amy. hypothetically, rhett&link

who is your favorite disney villain?

scar, maybe? OH. maleficent, actually.

did you ever watch "phil of the future"?

 not really. i was never a big fan.

are sex and sexual activities something you enjoy?

sexual activities, sure. sex itself, i wouldn't know.

how old were you when you first became sexually active?

 again, mind you, i'm a virgin, but if you're talking about doing anything sexual, probably 16. maaaybe 17, but i'm pretty sure 16.

would you rather have a pet crocodile or a pet octopus?

 i legitimately wanted a caiman for a while because apparently that's legal lol

where is the last place you’d want to be on halloween night?

 not sure

describe your favorite comedy movie?

my favorite's "white chicks" omg

what, in your opinion, is the most disgusting part of the human body?

i've stated before i have some asexual traits, and part of that is found in the fact i find both genitalia legitimately disgusting.

what feelings come over you when you know you’re falling in love?

i smile a lot and get very shy around the person. looots of butterflies.

do you believe in ghosts, spirits, demons?

yes to all.

would you consider yourself creative and how wide would you say your imagination can stretch?

 i honestly believe i'm creative as fuck. it goes pretty damn far.

if you could go into any video game world, what would it be and why?

"world of warcraft." because. like. just take me to azeroth, pls.  god i am such a nerd.

hamburger or hot dog?

 cheeseburgers, usually.

what's something nerdy about you?

 i am legitimately made of nerdy shit

would you cheat on your significant other if it meant sleeping with your celebrity crush?

no, actually. probably surprising considered how obsessed i am with him lol

how old do you want to live to?

maybe like 75? 80? i don't want to get to the point of being old where i'm like pissing myself and need help with literally everything. that would be legitimate torture to me.

are you comfortable with your height?

 sure.

have you ever slept on a couch with someone else, with whom?

yeah, jason.

do you think the legal drinking age should be changed?

 not entirely. i do, however, believe 18-year-olds should be allowed to drink only if accompanied by an adult.

have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?

i have hit rock bottom before.

have you ever been bitten by a snake?

no.

do you like train’s music?

i was a big fan way before they become mainstream thanks to mom.

how’s your relationship between you and your grandparents?

dad's mom is dead, mom's dad is dead, i don't even remember the last time i talked to my dad's dad (but he's suuuuper nice and supportive), and i'm pretty damn sure mom's mom doesn't like me. she's bitched me out before and has said some very rude things to me. i'm not particularly fond of her either, but i try.

has the last person you had sex with ever had sex with someone besides you?

never had sex, but as for the only person i've ever been sex

ual

with, yes.

are both of your blood parents still in your life?

my parents are divorced so i don't really see my dad, but he's still a part of my life.

do you like your best friend’s boy/girlfriend?

colleen's husband is awesome and is quite a bit like myself, but sara's not in a relationship.

have your parents met the person you’re currently interested in?

 yeah.

when you’re interested in someone, do you let them know?

 no.

have you ever had a kinky dream about a celebrity?

 ha ha omg yeah

what are your parents’ middle names?

 marie & john

in your opinion, which is more attractive: nice biceps or washboard abs?

biceps.  really obnoxious abs aren't that appealing to me.

have you ever been hypnotized?

 no. i don't believe in that jazz.

do you have any lockets with pictures inside?

no.

what would you consider to be the worst television channel out there?

 mtv

do you have any siblings you absolutely despise? why?

no.

do you think age matters in friendship?

 no. i have a friend who's 30.

how old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?

i don't want kids. i'm fine with my nieces and nephews.

list your fandoms and one character from each that you identify with.

heather (silent hill), tyler is legitimately me (markiplier crew), chase (rhett&link crew)

what’s a popular movie you’ve never seen?

the entirety of "harry potter." and "lord of the rings."

has anyone ever gotten in your face completely bitching you out?

my grandma, yes.

does it annoy you when people use too many emoticons when they’re typing?

it can.

would you ever consider yourself over dramatic?

i can be, honestly.

would you consider yourself more indie or mainstream?

 indie. essentially nothing about me is mainstream.

do you ever use cheats when you play video games?

 no.

has anyone, besides yourself, considered you as a failure?  

most likely.

did you go to pre-k?

 yeah.

have you ever stolen a friend's boyfriend?

not intentionally. then there's the fact we never actually dated.

do you regret it?

 i regret ever being flirty with him, yes.

are you sorry?

 it's only like my biggest regret, so.

who was your first celebrity crush?

probably jesse mccartney lol

would you smoke if it meant getting $30, or do you smoke anyways?

 no.

what school teams or clubs are/were you a part of?

 art honors society, honors society.

do you enjoy going through old pictures?

sometimes. other times, the nostalgia is too much.

is there a band you like with amazing music but a bad vocalist?

i honestly find dave mustaine of megadeth to be an awful singer, but somehow, i feel it adds to his charm??

do you tend to get clingy in relationships?

really, it depends on my mood and how comfortable i am with you. i legitimately demand space early in a relationship, and i romantically bond with people very slowly. once i actually feel attached to you, i can be sometimes. other times, i still need space.

have you ever dated outside of your race?

for less than a day, so you couldn't really call it "dating." he was hispanic.

when was the last time you received a massage?

never had one professionally, but jason and i would give each other a massage if we legitimately felt like we needed one.

would you rather have curvy legs or skinny legs?

not like really big, but curvy.

what do you usually put in your omelets?

cheese and ham. man... now i really want an omelet lol

do you like kiwis?

YAAAAAS

do you want any piercings?

my nose will be next, then more in my ears. i also would like a belly button ring one day, but i'd only get it once i'm much smaller. absolutely no offense intended, but i don't think they look good on bigger people like me.

have you ever flipped off your mother or father?

no, but i said "fuck you" to my mother only a few months ago. that went over well.

have you ever bowled a strike?

probably.

which is worse: stale chips or flat soda?

stale chips. flat soda doesn't bother me too much.

have you ever questioned your sexuality?

not seriously. when i had ocd, added onto my anxiety, i got into this totally random repetitive thought cycle that i secretly bisexual. i am in no way bisexual, but it was a random question and then my mind obsessed over the possibility i was lying to myself.

what did you usually pack for lunch at school?

sandwiches.

favorite nonliving musician?

probably freddie mercury. wonderfully talented man.

biggest learning experience of your life?  

holly hill

what’s your opinion on religion in schools?

i believe all of the more common religions should be electives. i know that's a bit unfair, but if we're being realistic, there's too many religions to fit and get instructors for all of them.

how do you decide whether to accept or not accept a friend request?

i have to know the person and like them to accept them.

do you have an unspeakable past regret?

unspeakable, no.

do you litter?

absolutely not.

do you feed your pets gourmet pet food?

no.

were you miserable in middle school?

 i wouldn't say "miserable," but it was definitely the worst school years. it's when my anxiety and depression started, so.

how many people do you know who identify as transgender?

one that i'm certain of. i have another friend that went through a transgender phase.

what is your preferred painkiller?

 advil

what color was your senior prom dress?

black

do you support transgenders being able to use the opposite restroom?

i promise, you don't want my opinion.

do you support the raising of the minimum wage?

yes. you can't live off of $7.25.

are you courageous?

not really, if i'm being honest.

could you ever forgive your best friend for sleeping with your boyfriend?

nope.

do you live with your biological parents?  

with my mom, yes.

do you have a snapchat?

no.

who is your hero?

mark <3

are you allergic to bees?

i wouldn't know. never been stung.

have you ever had stitches?

yes, in my chin.

did you graduate high school a virgin?

 yeah.

would you ever date out of your own race?

 yes.

can you describe your father in one word?

forgiving<3

what’s your favorite movie trilogy?

"shiloh," maybe

do you play any games on facebook?

 no.

do you have a dog?

 we have three.

do you have a step-parent?

 yes, but i don't call her "mom" or anything.

do you like grasshoppers?

they actually kinda scare me, especially big ones lol

do you like laffy taffy?

yeah!

at concerts, do you buy merch?

only been to one, but i did. i'd like to think i always would.

what color is your underwear?  

i don't wear underwear unless entirely necessary. increases your chances of a yeast infection and they're just uncomfortable.

what’s an interesting fact about the state in which you were born?

 it has an abandoned wizard of oz-themed park.

outside of school, have you ever used a thesaurus?

yes. i use it occasionally for writing.

do either of your parents have any tattoos or piercings?

my mom has her ears pierced.

would you ever stalk a celebrity?  

no. i have respect.

do your parents use social media? if so, which ones?

mom has facebook.

do you believe that there’s good in everybody?

 nope.

person you used to have feelings for shows up at your house, you say:

"get the fuck away from my house" or something like that.

were your parents married when you were born?

yes.

have you ever thought about having sex?

 yeah?

are you available?

 no.

do you live in a big house?

 no.

have you ever flown in a plane?

twice, but the first i don't remember.

do you like mangoes?

 i've actually never had a real mango, but i think i'd like them. i love mango juice.

do you think you’re always right?

 absolutely not. it's a ridiculous thing to think.

what’s your favorite season?

autumn.

best disney song?  

dude let's be real, "be prepared" from tlk was fire

what’s the worst veggie?

 BEANS.

do you like the color yellow?

nooo. it's one of my least favorites.

do you have any old calendars in your room?

i have two meerkat calendars from years ago that are part of my collection.

is it important to you to make a good impression on a bf/gf’s parents?

of course.

are you one of the people who think obama will be assassinated?

well, he obviously wasn't. if anyone's going to get assassinated, it'll be trump.

are you more sympathetic towards animals or humans?

animals, because they have no voice and are never truly do things out of ill intent.

when did your parents stop enforcing curfew?

 i never really had a curfew.

how long does it take you in the shower?

not even 15 minutes. i've never understood how people can take such long showers. do your shit and get out.

ever kissed anyone with a nipple piercing? what about a lip piercing? nose piercing?

 lip piercings, yes.

ever made out in a pool?

maybe, but i don't think so.

are you a virgin?

depends on how you define "virgin." but by my definition, yes.

be honest. have you had any dirty thoughts today?

 well now that you mention it.

have you ever purchased a pregnancy test, for yourself or otherwise?

no.

do you have trouble reading small fonts?

 not usually. depends on what the font is.

are there any old [as in, no longer on television, not necessarily old in terms of years] television shows that you could happily sit through and re-watch the entire series?

"that '70s show"

of all the decisions you have thus far made in your life, which was the best and which was the worst?

best: going to holly hill. worst: letting jason be my everything.

if you were presented with a bowl of fruit with apples, oranges, bananas, and grapes in it - which fruit would you pick to eat?

grapes.

do you have any gay friends?

yes, and i love them.

are you gay yourself?

 no, but i don't discriminate against those who are.

how many brothers do you have?

 one half-brother.

do you like mexican food?

 noooo.

what’s your best friend’s pet’s name(s)?  

colleen: miracle, maxwell, maze. i couldn't even try to name all of sara's lol

do you need to shave?

 no.

do you see yourself married in the next five years?

nope.

are you responsible?

if i'm being honest, no.

ever had a pregnancy scare?

 no. well, because i have anxiety, i was once scared while i was with jason because i missed my period, despite the fact we never had actual sex. safe to say, i wasn't pregnant. it was my anxiety getting to me.

do you partake in gaming?

 if i can, i do. however, my consoles are broken and the psu or graphics card on my gaming laptop is fried, so i haven't in like... six, seven months. it's been torture lol

who has your heart?

 two internet celebrities that don't know i exist lmao

do you have an ex who still talks to you? do they want to be with you again?

 no. tyler tried to, but he finally got that i wanted nothing to do with him.

ever get mad at something that happened years ago?

yep.

don’t you hate when people assume you’re jealous of somebody just because you dislike them?

y e s

do your legs get really itchy after shaving them?

 YES. it's why i have a scar on my shin because i scratched the fuck out of it.

who was the last person you went out to eat with?

 dad, his wife, sisters, and my sister's in-laws.

honestly, if you wanted to get laid right now, could you?  

probably not. i wouldn't want to anyway, since i'm like 95% sure i want to save 'til marriage.

have you ever kissed someone with a tattoo?

 regrettably.

ever had a guy best friend?

yes.

how is your last ex doing?

 i don't know and i don't care.

ever given your ALL to someone?

yes, and it was the wrong fucking choice.

how do you know the majority of the people you know?

 school, the internet

have you ever had pink eye?

no, but my sister has.

do you really care how many friends you or anyone else has on myspace/facebook?

nope.

how many band shirts do you own? which?

including those that don't fit anymore but i have saved, two for ozzy osbourne, two for metallica, otep, disturbed, asking alexandria, hollywood undead, iwrestledabearonce (which i no longer like), marilyn manson, two for alice cooper, and i am 100% positive i've had more. i've had a loooot.

is nutella amazing?

 yaaaas queen

have you ever had anything pierced that you don’t have now?

yes. right side of my nose, left anti-tragus, right tragus, left cartilage. they all closed while i was in the hospital.

would you consider yourself “tough”?

emotionally.

do you have any twins/multiples in your family? are they identical or fraternal?

 i don't think so?

who is the youngest person in your family that you know of?

my nephew, i think.

is your mom a good mom?

she tries her best and does so much for me.

who was your first friend?

brianna. we drifted apart in middle school.

would you consider yourself a shy person?

 waaaay too shy.

are you on good terms with your last ex?

no.

would you rather be a toaster, or a calculator?

... lol wut

do you like beards, and if so, what is the ideal beard length?

no opinion.

did/do you play with barbies?

i did only when nicole wanted to.

what holidays do you decorate for?

halloween, christmas.

have you ever been high?

no. it just doesn't interest me. i don't like my mind being foggy. it's partially why i've never even been drunk.

do you believe in homosexuality?

yes?? it obviously exists, and there's nothing wrong with it??

do you believe in jesus?

yes. it's a historical fact that he existed, it's just a matter of if you believe in the stories of what he did or not.

who was the last person you kissed?

my boyfriend.

do you play minecraft?

i never have and i'm not interested in it.

do you like mozzarella sticks?

noooo. the only cheese i like is american.

do you listen to nickelback?

i have no shame in admitting that i like some of their songs.

do you watch pewdiepie?

i've been a fan since 2013, or maybe 2012. he's a funny guy. he's got a lot of drama around him, but i sincerely think he's entertaining. i've enjoyed watching him develop as a person and comedian.

do you like the water?

no. i literally never drink it unless i'm dehydrated.

do you like eating zebra cakes?

 sure. been a long, long time since i've had one, though.

are there any hobbies you have that you don’t perform in front of others?

 write, draw.

have you ever felt as though you were unrecognizable to yourself?

yep.

when was the last time you took a taxi somewhere?

 never.

what was the most embarrassing thing you’ve had to buy?

 nothing really embarrassing.

have you ever mistaken a person’s gender?

 yeah.

did you stay calm during the whole swine flu scare?

 yes.  i have the immune system of a god.

without the aid of mascara, do you have long eyelashes?

  yes.  my old english teacher literally stopped class once just to point out to the whole class that i had super long eyelashes lol.  i loved her.

is there a kind of music you listen to that helps you release your anger?

 yeah.  tends to be rammstein or metallica.

do any of your close friends have children?

 no.

were you ever rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?

 no.

when was the last time you were at the hospital, and why?

 in february for a suicide attempt.

"the breakfast club," yay or nay?

 i couldn't get into it.

have you ever had a piercing get infected?

 yes.  second piercing in my right ear lobe.

do you get embarrassed easily?

 just about everything embarrasses me, so.

is anybody in your family a carpenter?

  no, but my dad was.

would you date someone 8 years older than you?

  yeah, but that's like my limit.  i'd have to

really

like someone who was nine years older, but i'm cool with eight.

would you rather date someone older than you or younger?  

older.  at my current age, i wouldn't date someone younger than me.

have you ever dated someone you met online?  

no.

what’s something you have a very strong opinion about?

  abortion, more than anything.  i'm getting more heavily adamant about gay rights.

what gets you emotional?

 recalling past struggles and people, seeing others suffer, people doing good in the world, etc.

do you often try to find common ground when in a political debate?

  ugh.  i just don't like political debates.

do you come across as cold and aloof at times?

 i'm sure.

do you think the last person you kissed is a player?

 no.

if an ex said they hated you, you say?

  good for you.

could you ever be friends with the person who hurt you most in life?

 no.

are you happy with yourself?

  in certain aspects.

would you change yourself for the person you love?

  to some degree.  it depends.

has a guy ever seriously punched you more than once?

 no one's ever punched me, thankfully.

do you think you were ever in love?

 i can say without the slightest doubt in my mind that i was.

have you ever dated your friend’s ex?

 no.

have you done bad things with your parents nearby?  

define "bad things."

have you started a horrible rumor about somebody?

  no, i'm not that low.

why do you believe/not believe in god?

  because it just seems most logical to me.  it just seems... highly, highly unlikely that the fucking stars aligned so perfectly as to make this all possible.  but i perfectly respect people that think the opposite, so long they don't stomp on religion.

do you have any recurring dreams? what are they?

  no.

what is your favorite baked good?

  muffins, maybe.

do you have an addiction to anything?

  i have an addictive personality, so, a number of things.  nothing unhealthy, though.

during thunderstorms, how does your pet react?

 teddy and bentley don't care, cali gets so terrified that she quakes and hides behind the couch.

are you addicted to any energy drinks?

  no.  energy drinks taste like poison to me.

do you like croutons in your salad?  

noooo

when did you meet the last male you texted?

  when i was born.  he's my dad.

have you ever talked to a boyfriend about a previous ex-boyfriend?

 yes.  i was having a ptsd breakdown and needed to know if i could confide in him about some things.

can two living souls become one?  

no.

has a stranger ever yelled at you for your language?

 no, but someone probably should lol.  i recently realized that i say "fuck" waaay too much.  jason's family defiled me.  they swear like sailors and like everyone i know noticed my profanity got worse after dating jason for a while because i was with his family a lot and it rubbed off.

why aren’t you in love with your ex anymore?  

because you don't love the person that almost caused you to kill yourself.

if your best friend “came out”, how would you feel?

 colleen: i would go into legitimate shock since she's for traditional marriage and whatnot.  sara: she's demisexual, so.

ever kissed someone you weren’t in a relationship with?

  no.

have you ever been given a lapdance by an actual stripper?

 ew, no.

what was the last song you listened to?

 "cake and sodomy" by marilyn manson

have you ever been on a ferris wheel that had swinging cages/gondolas? were you in the swinging cage/gondola or too chicken to go on it?

 yeah.  it was at a little festival so it was sketchy as fuck too lol.  i went with jason, who's afraid of heights, so that was interesting.

do you want a small or big wedding?

  small.

are your parents going to buy you a car?

  probably not.  i don't drive, anyway.

who’s your favorite rapper? and your favorite song by this rapper?

 the only rapper i genuinely like is eminem, and i really like "space bound"

how about your favorite band? and your favorite song by this band?

  oh brother...  ozzy osbourne: "trap door," metallica: "whiskey in the jar," otep: uhhh "special pets" or "apex predator," a day to remember: "i'm made of wax, larry, what are you made of?," marilyn manson: "heart-shaped glasses," rammstein: "nebel" or "donaukinder," cradle of filth: probably their cover of "mr. crowley," korn: "here to stay"

do you hate your last name? do you want to get married so you can change it?

 i don't like my last name, but i don't want to get married just so it'll change.

who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend? why did you break up?

 if you're talking about the first guy who ever had the title of "boyfriend," aaron.  we were in the 7th grade and i just didn't like him like that.

do you drink coffee?

  no, it's bitter as fuck and just overall gross.

what outfit makes you feel the most attractive?

  you assume any outfit makes me attractive.

what do you think of people who always wear make-up?

  whatever.

has anyone of the same sex ever hit on you?

  i think so.

are you open to a same-sex relationship and why or why not?

  no, i'm straight.

have you ever wanted to vlog?

 no.  too awkward for that shit.

who was the last person you held hands with?

  ugh.

have you ever told someone to their face that they were ugly?

 what the fuck, no.

have you ever seen a live bat?

  yeah.  they're so cute.

would you ever let your child drop out of high school?

 depends on the reason.

do you pronounce “aunt” like “want” or “ant”?

 "ant"

would you ever let a girl/boy put you through hell and back?

  never again.

have you watched porn alone before?

 i don't watch porn to begin with.

what do you think about weed?

 i think it smells fucking awful more than anything.

recommend a book:

 i recommend "johnny got his gun" by dalton trumbo more than any book on the face of the planet.  the writing style is very unique and a bit hard to understand sometimes, but the meaning behind it.  it increased my pacifism by a mile.

do you like to cook? or do you always prefer take out?

  i can't cook.  i literally burned a hot dog to where it split in half in the microwave.

are pets allowed to be on the furniture in your house?

  yes.  they live here.

declawing cats: for or against?

 against

what theory (serious or not) has always intrigued you?

  if the moon landing was fake or not.  i believe it was real, but there is some seriously compelling evidence that it was a studio trick.  i'd highly recommend reading about it.

do you consider yourself a perfectionist?

  about some things.