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lessawildmoon · 7 years ago

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She Will Pay - Part 1

Title: She Will Pay

Summary: He should have known better than to trust her change of heart; now he knows the truth he has to act, regardless of the cost.

Pairing/Relationships: Gremma (with just the tiniest bit of background Captain Beauty). Hunted Believer and Swan Believer.

Warnings: Significant mentions of child abuse, referenced rape and abuse (basically, they talk about Regina). Not a regal believer friendly fic.

Rating: M (we have some adult themes and violence going on here).

Notes: So this fic was born as a response to Regina’s actions in Sympathy for the De Vil/Lily. And specifically the thought of what Graham would do when he found out about Regina taking Belle’s heart. This was supposed to be a short thing that would be posted quickly. This is not a short thing that I posted quickly. Nearly two years and over 10K words later, it is at least done, and I hope you enjoy. Part 2 will follow tomorrow.

Special note to my non Gremma shipping people. If you are here because we share similar frustrations with Regina’s character, I think you may enjoy this regardless of the ship.

This was betaed by the amazing @arianakristine, so any mistakes are because I ignored her.

AO3 / FF.net

It had been hard to believe, when Jones had come to him with the imp’s tale, but at the same time so easy. He had tried to so hard to believe, wanted so much to believe, that she had changed, if only for Henry’s sake. For their safety. But he should have known better that to trust her supposed change of heart. And now his friend had been hurt by her again.

Stealing Belle’s heart back from the dragon had proved almost too easy. He had to admit that the pirate was good at creating a distraction, at drawing all attention to himself, and he had some experience of getting in and out of the Mayor’s office through the window. No, that had not been the hard part.

The hard part had been explaining to Belle what Regina had done. She had been disbelieving at first, hardly able to grasp that Regna had taken her offer of help and abused it, abused her. He couldn’t look as Jones had returned her heart, and along with it the memory of what she had been forced to do. He did not ask, but he could tell be the way she almost fell to the floor before Jones caught her that Regina had done more than just use her as leverage.

His eyes locked with the pirate’s over Belle’s head as she cried, no words were needed as he nodded, sealing a silent pact.

Regina would not return to Storybrooke alive.

He had let himself out of the shop quietly, his presence unnecessary. He would be there, later, if she needed him, but right now he could better aid her elsewhere. Time was of the essence; in Storybrooke Regina held too much power. Once she was back in town it would be too risky to move against her, not without enlisting aid that would likely not be forthcoming.

He had not been sure how he would be able to confront her outside of town, but Emma had called on her way back from New York, and had unwittingly provided the solution. Zelena was with child, and they were bringing her back with them. It seemed the sisters had more in common than they would like to admit. Emma had asked him to meet her just outside the town border with Pan’s magic dampening cuff so Zelena could safely be brought into town. Which would give him exactly the opportunity he needed.

Which left one thing to do, Henry. This would probably be his last chance to see the boy he considered his own. Keeping him safe would not come without a price. Once this was done he would likely no longer be welcome, in his or Emma’s life. But he could not go without taking one last chance to see him, to make sure he knew how much he cared. He just had to be careful that the perceptive boy did not catch on to what he was doing.

“You are not going anywhere until you tell me what is going on.” Henry had placed himself firmly in front of the door, leaning against it with his arms crossed and a look of defiance on his face. He was so much Emma’s son at times.

It was his own fault, he had been too obvious. Unfortunately, as subtle as he was on a hunt, that did not translate so well to subtlety in human interactions, but he had had to try.

Henry had been bent over the storybook once again when he had got home, still looking for clues, for any information that might help them find the author before ‘Stiltskin was able to make use of his power. He really did spend too much time on things like this, time that should be spent on school, or friends, time spent playing video games like a child his age should be. It might be too late, but maybe after this he would get the chance to be a child again, even if whatever was left of his innocence would be truly lost forever. He deserved better than what was about to happen, but that could not be helped.

Regina had hurt Henry before to get what she wanted, and he remembered what she had done to the very man from whom Henry had got his name. He feared even Henry was not safe if she was allowed to live.

He could refuse to say anything and just leave, but Henry was likely to attempt to follow if he thought something was going on that he was being kept out of. And of all the possible ways this could go badly, Henry witnessing it was the worst. Hopefully if he told him at least part of the truth, he would stay here, where it was safe.

“It’s- it’s Regina.” He had never quite been able to bring himself to call her Henry’s mother. She had not earned that title, so instead he called her by name if forced to refer to her. “She did something. She took Belle’s heart, used her against Gold.”

He watched Henry crumple in on himself as his words sunk in and wished there was something he could have done to spare him this pain. He did not deserve any of this, did not deserve to have Regina in his life, to be hurt by her again and again.

“No! She can’t’ve. I‘ve been trying too hard! Ever since we came back, I have been working so hard to keep her good. To keep her from hurting any of us again. She can’t’ve hurt Belle like that.”

Graham felt his heart break. How could they not have realised? They had wanted to let Henry make his own decisions in regards to her but they had had no idea that he had been taking all this on himself. They should have been paying better attention, but there had always been so much going on, and Henry had seemed happy. They should have remembered how good he was at hiding things.

Suddenly Henry bolted forward into his arms and he pulled the boy close, trying to give whatever comfort he could. His next words were stained with tears. “She just can’t.”

“I’m sorry Henry. But that was not your responsibility. It was not your job to keep her good. And if that was not what she wanted to be, it was never going to work.” He knew Henry’s feeling of responsibility for Regina’s behaviour would not be undone so simply, but he spoke firmly, trying to impress his words into the lad. He could feel Henry shaking, knew he was crying, and if his mind had not already been made up, she had earned what was coming to her for this alone.

“You don’t get it! I even told her it was a good thing that Robin could not save Marian. A good thing! I said that. Just to try and make her feel better so she wouldn’t do anything bad.” He had looked up to all but shout those words at him, anger starting to take over from disbelief, but ducked his head again before going on, this time in a voice so small it hurt. “Why wasn’t I enough?”

“Nothing is ever enough for her.” It was not a good answer, and he wished he had a better one, one that would stop him from sounding so broken, but it was all he had. In the end, she always wanted more than she had. “That is not on you. It is not your fault that she could never be happy with what she had, always wanted what someone else had as well.”

He felt Henry pull back slightly, suddenly thoughtful. He could see his brain working to put the pieces together, and he held his breath waiting to see how close to the truth he would get.

“Wait a second, that doesn’t explain why you were here trying to say goodbye without me realising that you were saying goodbye.”

He should have known he would not be able to fool Henry of all people, the lad was at times too perceptive for his own good. He could see as the realisation dawned and braced himself for his reaction.

“You’re going to kill her, aren’t you?” Henry’s voice was strangely flat as he said the words, and he wasn’t quite sure how to interpret it. He didn’t sound angry, as he would have expected him to; if anything, he sounded resigned. Graham nodded, the words caught his throat. And really, what words were there, what could he possible say to make this anything other than what it was? He was planning to murder someone Henry loved. However good his reasons, it would never be defensible, never be forgivable. And even so, he could not regret it.

Maybe he really was the heartless killer they always thought he was.

Henry was staring at him, studying him, and he wondered what he was looking for. Would he try to talk him out of it? Plead for mercy on her behalf like he had before? If only they had not granted it then, they may have saved so much pain. But Henry’s next question caught him by surprise.

“If she was still willing to do that to Belle, what was she planning to do to you and Mom when she found the author?”

Or to Henry himself, he thought. She would have no qualms about having him rewritten to be more compliant. But of course Henry’s first thoughts were for others before himself. Though maybe he had just not thought of that, and if that were so he hoped he never did.

“I didn’t even ask what she was planning. I just jumped straight into helping her. I was so glad she wasn’t doing anything worse that I didn’t think about what she would do, what her ‘happy ending’ would be. She was going to hurt us again and I was helping her.”

Henry’s voice was bordering on manic by the time he finished, almost tripping over his words, and Graham leaned down so he could look him in the eye, gripping him firmly by the shoulders. “This is not your fault. She fooled a lot of people, many with much more reason to distrust her than you. You should not feel bad for believing in someone you loved.”

“But I didn’t really believe in her, did I? If I had believed in her I wouldn’t have been so worried about what she was going to do. If I had believed in her, I wouldn’t believe you. I knew it wasn’t real, deep down, I knew it, but I wanted it so much I let myself believe it.” Henry’s next words were so quiet he almost did not hear them. “If I believed in her, I would be trying to stop you.”

“I wouldn’t let you.” It might seem harsh, but he would not have Henry thinking he could have done something to stop this, and later start blaming himself. He would accept Henry’s resentment, but he would not allow the boy any part of the guilt.

“Why does this hurt so much? She has done such awful things to all of us, to me, to you, to everyone I care about. And she was planning to hurt us more. Why do I still care?” His words were broken by sobs that he tried to swallow, the tears coming thick and fast.

“Because she’s your mother.” And with that he found Henry back in his arms, sobbing in earnest now.

They must have stood there for over ten minutes, him gently running his hand up and down Henry’s back to comfort him as he cried, and shedding some tears of his own. As much as it broke his heart to see Henry in such distress, he was not sure this was not both needed and long overdue. He did not think that Henry had ever allowed himself to react to what Regina had done to him, to grieve, too busy trying to believe she had changed. Letting this grief out might be exactly what was needed for him to move on.

The sobs had faded to the occasional hiccough and sniffle when his phone beeped, the noise jarring in the stillness of the room, causing them both to jump. He had a good idea what the message was and silently cursed the timing. The last thing he wanted was to leave Henry alone just yet. He checked, hoping it was anyone else, but it was indeed Emma telling him they were approaching the edge of town. Looking back at Henry he could see he had guessed what it was as well.

“You have to go.” It may have sounded like a question, but it wasn’t one. Henry straightened up a bit, swallowing and blinking back the last of his tears. “Be careful.”

Henry’s resilience in the face of every horror that was thrown at him would never cease to amaze him. “I should call Ruby, have her come stay with you. I don’t want you here on your own.”

“No! Please don’t. I swear, I am not going to do anything reckless. I just don’t want anyone hovering and asking concerned questions. I just want to be alone.” He gave Henry a long look, trying to judge if he was being truthful, and decided to trust him, nodding in agreement. He knew he would prefer solitude if in a similar position, and could understand Henry not wanting to be faced with any questions, however well meant.

“If you are sure? If you need me for anything, I always have my phone.” He did not have to say it, they both knew he did not just mean today. Regardless of how Emma reacted, he would always be there if Henry needed him.

“I know.” He nodded, understanding what was not being said as much as what was. “Now go.”

He took one last look at Henry, knowing that however accepting he seemed now, he may still never be welcomed back here. The reality might be too much for him to live with. He forced himself to turn around.

Stopping briefly outside the door, he wiped the tears from his face as he tried to focus back on the task at hand. This would take all his attention to get right, he could not afford to leave half his mind back here.

With a deep breath, he got back in the cruiser and started out towards the road out of town.

He pulled to a stop a safe distance from the town line, but did not immediately get out. He stayed there, looking over the deceptively simple painted line that marked the border between their town, their world, and the magicless world they had been brought to. This side of the line she was a powerful witch, capable of swatting away most threats like a fly. But cross a few feet over to the other side and she was just a normal woman, no more able to protect herself from him that any of those she had forced him to kill.

He watched them, Emma’s bug parked on the other side of the line, mirroring him. Emma, Regina, and a dark-haired woman he assumed must be Lily, had apparently decided not to wait in the car, and he wondered if that had anything to do with the woman bound in the back seat. That would make things easier, no need to get her out the car to avoid the additional danger, and mess, of shooting her while she was still inside.

To an outside observer, it might seem like he was hesitating, and in a way, he was, if not for quite the reason someone might expect. He had no doubts about his chosen course of action. It had to be done; he would not let her endanger those he loved. He would not regret her passing, or that it would be by his hand. That was not what kept him this side of the line.

What kept him from doing what he had so easily done in the past, and what he had previously longed to do for many years, was that for the first time in his life he had something to lose.

It would not stop him, but things would not be the same after this. Emma had never really seen this part of him, not because he had hidden it, but because they had never before been in a situation that called for it. There had been many a battle, she knew he would not hesitate to kill in a fight, but there had never been the need to dispose of threat in this way, to kill someone who was not overtly attacking them. He did not know how she would react to being faced with that.

He knew Snow and David would be horrified. But he did not care what they thought of him. He had made his peace with them, but he could never forget that they had been given the opportunity to stop her, to ensure she would never hurt another, and had instead chosen to let her go, to pay no price for her crimes, and to continue to terrorise them all. He had let go of his anger for his own sake, but he would not forget that they could not be trusted when it came to her, that they would not protect their people from her. And he would not care of their judgement when he did what they should.

Movement caught his eye, pulling him from his thoughts and drawing his attention back to the other side of the line. Regina had turned towards Emma, and even if he could not hear her words, he could see the impatience written on her face and body, could guess what she was saying. And he saw the pained look that flashed across Emma’s face, the way her spine stiffened.

He waited for her to bite back, except she didn’t, she just took a breath and responded calmly with a tight smile. He recognised that, he had seen that reaction from her before. It was how she had reacted when Henry used to act up, back just after the curse broke, when he was first testing his boundaries with them, pushing back at them to see if they would snap the way she had. It was the same tamping down of irritation she did back then, because Henry was a child who had been through so much and was still trying to adjust. But Regina was no child, and had earned no such consideration from them; she was the one who should be showing patience in the face of their anger.

Was this what it was always like with them? What Emma always had to do? Swallow her own irritation in the face of Regina’s attitude? They had all been so careful to ensure that he and Regina’s paths so rarely crossed, and people avoided talking about her to him. But he had assumed that she had at least changed how she had treated them, that she was no longer so casually dismissive of anyone’s feelings but her own. That was supposed to have been why they trusted her, because she had changed.

But then again, wasn’t that the entire reason he was doing this, because she hadn’t changed?

He briefly wondered why Emma was putting up with it, before shaking his head. Of course, for the very same reason he had put up with her presence in their lives, for Henry.

He really could not delay anymore, and he did not want to leave Emma facing the brunt of Regina’s anger, presumably over how long he was taking. He quietly stepped out of the cruiser, carefully pushing the door shut. He did not think sound would carry over the town line in this direction, but he did not want to risk them hearing him just yet. He checked his pocket to make sure he had the cuff, and the scroll that would allow them passage back into town. It would not do to get trapped outside with them. And finally, he took a moment to check his gun. He could not afford for this not to go right first time, there were too many things that could go wrong if this turned into a fight.

He moved closer, still invisible to them, and he briefly wondered if he could shoot her from here or if the magic of the town border would interfere. Another man might have taken the chance, taken the opportunity to have no witnesses, for her death to become an unsolved mystery, too many suspects to isolate just one. But that was not him, he would not hide, would not lie about this to Emma or anyone else, would not be ashamed. And he would look her in the eye when he pulled the trigger. One small part of this that would be for him, rather than for them.

He stopped just short of the line, taking a couple of deep breaths, his eyes closed, pushing all thought other than his target from his mind, letting the man recede as the wolf came to the fore. When his eyes opened, he was eerily calm, motionless as his eyes locked on his prey, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. It soon presented itself as she stepped away from the others and started to pace in exasperation.

Without conscious thought, he started moving, crossing the line, his steps quiet and graceful. There was no need for stealth but instinct had taken over. He heard her snapped comment, her tone communicating her sentiment even if he did not discern the words themselves.

Raising his gun, he hesitated for the barest second, just long enough to see the realisation dawn in her eyes, to see her hands twitch ready to call on the magic that did not exist here, before he pulled the trigger, his aim as true with a gun as it had ever been with a bow. She fell to the ground with a quiet thud, dead before she even had a chance to cry out, and he watched as a small pool of blood began to form on the tarmac beneath her.

He found himself transfixed by the sight, unable to tear his eyes away, unable to truly comprehend that it was over, that she was dead. There was a sudden feeling of lightness, as the weight of fear was lifted, a feeling he had lived with so long he only really noticed it as it faded away.

The commotion his actions had caused was nothing more than a buzzing noise as he continued to stare at his monster, the woman who had caused so much pain and fear, now nothing more than a body, all life gone in an instant. It was too quick, decades of suffering should not be so easily ended, but they were.

She was gone.

It took Emma grabbing his shoulder to finally break him out of his trance, and the rest of the world came rushing back in as he turned to look at her, meeting her gaze unapologetically. He stood by his actions, and he would not cower from the consequences.

“What the hell Graham? What was that?” She may not have quite been shouting, but there was the anger he had expected, but not received, from Henry.

“That…was what needed to be done. What we should have done in the first place.” And that was the crux of it; this was something that should have been done before she was even born.

“So, what, you were just pretending to go along with it until you had an opportunity to kill her?” Her scathingly voiced question took him by surprise, it had not actually occurred to him that she would think this was part of some long-held plot to kill her, and he rather hoped that if he had had such a plan it would not have taken him so long to find a way. But it made sense that the woman who found it just as hard to trust people as he did would first jump to the conclusion that he had been lying all this time. “I know what she did, but she was trying to change, she was helping us.”

“No, she wasn’t.” She was the one who had been pretending and biding her time. “She may have been helping when it benefitted her, but she was not trying to change. As long as I believed she was trying, I was willing to stay my hand. I wanted to believe she was changing more than most, for Henry’s sake at least, but she had not changed at all. She had just got better at hiding it.”

“How can you say that? You have barely seen her in years. How can you say she has not been trying, you don’t know.” Her words hurt, even if he knew it was anger fuelling them, prompting her to say things she would not otherwise. But it still hurt to have her deride him for not having been around Regina.

“She took Belle’s heart.” He saw the shock as the words sunk in, saw the disgust that crossed her face as she quickly glanced back at Regina’s body. “That is what she has on ‘Stiltskin.”

“So you thought the best thing to do was kill her?” There wasn’t as much anger in her voice now, but knowing Regina’s crime was not enough for Emma just to accept his actions. She still seemed to struggling to believe what he had done. Had he hidden his true nature from her that much, or had she just not understood that this was who he was?

“Yes.” Maybe not the answer she was looking for or expecting; she probably expected him to start trying to justify himself, or make excuses, but it was the truth, plain and unvarnished. Regina had proved herself to be too much of a danger to be allowed to live, and for him, it was that simple.

“That was not your call.” His blunt response seemed to have thrown her off for a moment, but she was partially right. Really it was her parent’s responsibility, but they had abdicated it too many times. And he, too, had claim to that responsibility.

“It became my call when no one else was willing to make it. I was elected Sheriff of this town, I was trusted to protect the people here. She was a danger, and I dealt with it.”

No-one had been willing to do what was necessary, too scared of the danger, or the reaction of those who should have protected them but had chosen to protect her instead. He had stepped up to do what no-one else could or would do.

“That’s not how it works, we have rules, laws, ways of…” She lifted a hand to stop him from responding. “No, don’t, just don’t right now. I can’t deal with this, deal with you.”

She turned away, using a hand to push her hair back, stopping it briefly at the nape of her neck before she turned back. “I have to get home; did you even think about how I was going to break this to Henry?”

“He already knows. I went to see him before I came here. When I told him what Regina had done he worked out the rest.” He expected another outburst, and she did not disappoint. But he was not going to leave her going home worrying about having to explain everything to Henry. He could at least let her know that she would only have to tell him it was done.

“What! You told him? What the hell were you thinking?” Once again, she cut him off before he could respond. “Don’t bother, clearly you weren’t thinking. Did you at least remember to bring the scroll and cuff?”

He reached into his pocket and silently handed them to her, and he watched as she stomped over to the car, leaning in to put the cuff around Zelena’s wrist.

Emma gestured at the third woman, Lily, he reminded himself, who had remained a few yards away watching their argument. Lily followed the silent instruction with a wary glace at him that he met unflinchingly until she looked away, climbing into the passenger seat. He knew this woman held some animosity towards Emma’s family; let her see how threats to his family were dealt with.

“You.” Emma turned, pointing at him and gesturing vaguely in the direction Regina’s body lay. “You are going to deal with the body. With respect. And since I now need to get home as quickly as possible after getting Lily to Maleficent, you just became responsible for Zelena as well. Think you can manage that without murdering her?”

He nodded in agreement, thinking better of saying anything aloud. It took a little coordination, made harder by the fact Emma would barely look at him, but eventually they were all back over the town line, Zelena handcuffed to the front passenger side door of the cruiser, Regina’s body in the back.

As soon as Zelena was safely secured, Emma was back in her car, door slammed behind her, and she drove off without backwards glance, leaving him to watch her go.

He was not exactly surprised. If anything he had been expecting her to react worse, but however prepared he had thought he was, it did not lessen the pain of being dismissed by her like that.

He had let himself think that he might get to have this, get to be happy. Have a family for the first time since the wolves. Belong somewhere, be wanted.

But instead, the price of protecting his family would almost certainly be to lose them.

Part Two

#gremma #gremma ff #Sheriff Graham #Henry Swan #ouat ff #emma swan #Captain Beauty #(just the tiniest bit)#Anti Regina #Anti Regal Believer #abuse tw #(however the abuse discussion is in support of the victim not the abuser)#no abuse apologism here #gremma appreciation #My fic #fic:she will pay #graham is not a fluffy puppy

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lessawildmoon · 7 years ago

Text

She Will Pay - Part 2

Title: She Will Pay (Part one here)

Summary: He should have known better than to trust her change of heart; now he knows the truth he has to act, regardless of the cost.

Pairing/Relationships: Gremma (with just the tiniest bit of background Captain Beauty). Hunted Believer and Swan Believer.

Warnings: Significant mentions of child abuse, referenced rape and abuse (basically, they talk about Regina). Not a regal believer friendly fic.

Rating: M (we have some adult themes and violence going on here).

Notes: See Part One

Special note to my non Gremma shipping people. If you are here because we share similar frustrations with Regina’s character, I think you may enjoy this regardless of the ship.

This was betaed by the amazing @arianakristine, so any mistakes are because I ignored her.

AO3 / FF.net

Emma finally made it home, after wasting far more time than she would have liked reuniting Lily with her mother, and explaining to her own parents what had happened. She paused, hand on the doorknob. She had no idea what she was going to be walking into, no idea how Henry was going to react. Or even really how much he already knew; she had been too angry to ask. This was not how she had anticipated her day going. The road trip from hell had left her exhausted even before everything else. All she wanted was to crawl into bed, and that was not going to happen anytime soon. But putting it off was not going to get it over with any sooner, so she opened the door.

“Mom” Henry called out her name as soon as she stepped inside. She could see he had been crying and she felt the anger she had been tamping down flare up again. He looked behind her expectantly and when it became clear she was alone his eyes flicked back to her. “Where’s Dad?”

He took a step back and she could almost see the blood drain from his face. “Did she…did she kill him?”

Her heart seized. He should not have to ask that question, this should not be his life. Not for the first time she wondered if she had made a mistake in staying, if they should have gone back to New York. Maybe Henry would have had a chance at normality away from this cursed town.

“No kid, Graham’s fine, he ….” She couldn’t exactly tell Henry how she had basically told Graham to go to hell, or how she had been so horrified that she had barely been able to look at him. “He just had some things he needed to do before coming home.”

“Does that mean she’s…gone?” His voice sounded so small, as if he didn’t want anyone to hear him, or was scared of the answer. “We’re safe now?”

She wanted to cry. She stepped forward to pull Henry into a hug. She may still not be sure how she felt about Regina’s death, but she could at least reassure Henry if that was what he needed. “Yeah sweetie, she’s gone. She won’t be able to hurt anyone again.”

He buried himself into her arms and she could feel him shaking as he tried to hold back tears. She barely caught his next words, muffled as they were by her body. “I’m sorry I wasn’t enough to stop her.”

And now the anger was back in full force. Except she wasn’t sure who she was angrier at, Regina for making him feel this way, or herself for not noticing. Had they been so wrapped up in the crisis of the week to not see what Henry was doing, how much he had been taking on himself? She pulled back just far enough to be able to look him in the eye, hands on his shoulders.

“Listen kid, what she did was not your fault.” Whatever else happened she would make sure he knew that. He was not going to be allowed to blame himself for Regina’s choices.

“That’s what Dad said.” There was something close to laugh in his voice, despite the tears, or at least as close as he could get under the circumstances.

“Well, he was right.” She should have known that whatever else was happening that Graham would have tried to make sure that Henry did not blame himself.

“But he’s OK, he’s not hurt or anything?” There was still too much fear in his voice. What had their lives come to that Henry had to worry about this?

“Yes, I promise. He’s fine. Tell you what, how about I give him a call and check how long he is going to be?” It was pretty clear that Henry was not going to relax until he saw for himself that Graham was OK, and the look on his face at her suggestion was all the confirmation she needed. Ignoring her own nerves at calling him after how they had parted earlier, she pulled out her phone and made the call.

“Hello?” She could hear the uncertainty in his voice as he answered, and she couldn’t blame him. He could hardly have been expecting her to call so soon, if at all.

“Hi.” She tried to make her voice sound normal. She was relying on him to play along so Henry didn’t realise that there was anything more going on here than him just being late home. “Henry wanted to know when you would be home.”

There was a pause before he replied. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” She may still be angry, but she would suck it up for Henry. They had always presented a united front when it came to him. Henry had been dealing with enough tension between the branches of his increasingly complicated family tree, so they had agreed that whatever disagreements they had should be settled behind closed doors. Not that there had been many.

She had just been too angry to remember that earlier. Not to mention she hadn’t thought Henry would even want him here. But apparently, Henry needed to see him, to see he was safe with his own eyes, which was far more important than her own feelings right now. And they needed to talk as well. She wasn’t sure how that would go, or how she wanted it to go, but even in the short time she’d had, she had realised she could not run the way she always had before. Even without Henry to consider, it was not just her anymore; it was them. Their home, their family and friends. Their life.

“I’m not actually far. We secured Zelena in the cells under the hospital, it seemed like the safest place for her. And I figured it would be best to have your parents meet Robin and Roland.”

She hadn’t even thought of that. She was grateful that they had needed some time to pack up their stuff before following, Roland had enough to deal with without seeing that. She wasn’t sure she wanted to ask if his presence would have changed anything; she had a feeling she already knew the answer.

“I was on my way down to the docks. Killian offered me a berth for the night.”

Now that surprised her, along with the use of Killian’s first name, given Graham had barely stopped referring to him as ‘pirate’. They may have come to some kind of peace, mainly because of Belle, but they were not friends by any stretch. “I would have thought he would be with Belle tonight.”

“He is. I just wanted to avoid the gossip that would have come if I had stayed at Granny’s, and when I went to tell them it was done, he offered.”

For a brief second, she had forgotten what had happened, why they were even having this weird conversation in the first place. But his words brought it back with an almost physical jolt. It scared her, how casually he could talk about having killed someone. He could be talking about anything, and any hesitance in his voice was about her reaction, not regret for his actions. She didn’t know if she could live with that. But she pushed that thought aside, since reassuring Henry was the most important thing. She could deal with her issues later.

“Hurry home.” That was all she said before hanging up, not trusting herself not to say something she shouldn’t. That was not a conversation for a phone call, and especially not one in earshot of Henry.

“He’s on his way home now.” Some of the tension had left Henry over the course of the phone call, but she doubted he would fully relax until he saw Graham for himself. And frankly, having realised the danger he could have been in, she needed to see him herself. Angry or not, she needed to know he was safe.

With that, they came to an uneasy silence. She didn’t know what to say. Henry seemed more accepting of events than she was. She was worried that was more due to combination of fear and shock, and knew the real test would be over the coming days and weeks as the reality sunk in. But she also knew there was no good pushing him now. They would need to talk about it more, but Henry was far too self-sufficient for it not to be counterproductive to force the issue before he was ready.

“Did you eat dinner?” It was late to be eating, but it would give her something to actually do. Other than just stand here awkwardly.

“I don’t think I could eat.” Made sense. She didn’t think she could either, even though she hadn’t eaten much all day. They hadn’t wanted to risk stopping while they had Zelena in the car.

“How about some hot cocoa?” She moved towards the kitchen, pulling out the milk and chocolate. Even if Henry didn’t want it, she could do with the comfort.

“With cinnamon?” He answered the way he always did, and she gave her usual response.

“How else?” It was a deceptive slice of normality in a day that was anything but. She knew it couldn’t last, but she would take the brief moment before everything came crashing back down again.

Silence fell over them once more, the only noise being her making the cocoa. This was not the easy silence they were used to, but one that was heavy and uncomfortable. It felt like hours, even it had only been a few minutes, before they heard a key in the lock.

Henry bolted out of his seat and had thrown himself at Graham before he was even fully in the door.

“When you didn’t come home I thought she’d hurt you.”

She definitely missed New York. She knew Henry had sometimes worried when she was out working, but never this real fear that someone he loved might be hurt, or worse. No child should have to live like this.

“She didn’t. I would not have let her. I’m fine.” The words might have been directed at Henry, but they reassured her as well. She was only now really beginning to comprehend the danger Graham could have been in if things had gone differently.

She watched as he moved them into the house until Henry was back sitting at the counter, drinking the rest of his hot cocoa, as he managed to redirect the conversation so Henry was talking about some school project he was working on. Graham had always been good at distracting Henry, and she suspected Henry wanting to be distracted helped. They had told her stories about what used to happen when he ran away before she came to town, the time they had spent together, and while it may have been for unhappy reasons, she loved the bond they had developed.

It did not take long for Henry’s eyelids to start to droop, yawns interrupting his sentences. The adrenaline of the day was fading, leaving exhaustion behind, and it was a testament to how tired he was that he barely argued when she called for bedtime.

He might have been a little old to need tucking in, but neither of them were complaining. By the time he was ready for bed he was already a little unsteady on his feet, and was out like a light as soon as his head hit the pillow. She pulled the blanket up around him and brushed his hair out of his face. She told herself that she was just worried after what he had been through that day, and she was. But eventually she had to admit to herself that she was also delaying having to talk to Graham.

She couldn’t hide in Henry’s room forever, however tempting it might be. She took one last look back at Henry sleeping peacefully, at least for the moment, before she closed his door behind her and walked back to where Graham was waiting for her in the living room.

“I can go.” With Henry gone he was standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, and she suddenly realised he hadn’t actually sat down since he’d got back.

“No. Stay.” She wasn’t completely sure she wanted him to, despite her relief that he had not been hurt. She was still angry. He had unilaterally made a decision to murder a woman, and had shown no regret for it.

They needed to talk about it, but the thought of that made her rethink giving up running. It was so much easier when you split before things got complicated. As much as she had always wanted a family, she still wasn’t so good at actually being part of one. She took a seat, too tired to remain standing, before she spoke. “So, do I start, or do you?”

“Don’t ask me to regret it.” He said quickly, rushing to get the words out. “I did what had to be done and I will not apologise for protecting my family.”

And that was what was so disturbing to her. It unnerved her, and that fed her anger. “It didn’t have to be done. Even if you were right about her being a danger again there were other options.”

“Like what?” His words were clipped and harsh, his own anger bleeding through. “Lock her up? Even if we had a cell that could hold her, how long before your mother’s bleeding heart saw her free again?”

She had never liked thinking about that too closely, how her parents had been given the opportunity to stop Regina and had chosen to let her go instead. How many people had suffered for that decision, Graham especially. She knew her mother had meant well, but it was not a decision she could understand, or be at ease with the consequences. She watched as Graham closed his eyes briefly and took a deep breath, calming himself down.

“She manipulated us once.” He continued in a softer voice, almost pleading but not quite. “Do you really think she would not do it again? Do you think she would not use Henry?”

That thought chilled her. She may have been willing to work with Regina, but she had never completely trusted her. She was a lot less vulnerable to her manipulations than Henry would be, and even then, she had found herself feeling sorry for the other woman at times. Had even found herself feeling guilty for saving Marian’s life.

“If she were of this world then there might have been another option.” He went on. “But in ours there are some people just too dangerous to let live.”

“That doesn’t mean I can just murder her.” He was making too much sense. She couldn’t be OK with this, it was wrong, it had to be.

“You didn’t. I did.” He said that like it made a difference.

“Don’t be a smart ass, you know what I meant. Heroes don’t kill.” At least not in cold blood like that, but the words sounded hollow, even to her.

“I never made any claim to being a hero, and have no desire to. My priority is keeping you and Henry safe, and after that protecting this town. Heroes…” She could hear the edge of disdain in his voice on that word. “…and their refusal to kill, were what got us cursed in the first place. We may need heroes like you, but we also sometimes need someone willing to get their hands dirty.”

“How can you be so calm about this? You killed a woman.” It was terrifying, how calm he was, how little he seemed to care. She couldn’t understand. She didn’t regret killing Cruella, she had been protecting Henry. But she still felt guilty over it.

“I have killed many, and few who deserved it. I’ll not notice a little more blood on my hands. Especially not hers.”

“You wanted her dead, you always have, this is all a little convenient for you, isn’t it?” She wanted to take back the words as soon as they left her mouth, tongue loosened in frustration at his refusal to regret what he’d done. Belle had been hurt, she still didn’t know how badly, and she knew how hard Graham took harm to his loved ones, far harder than harm to himself.

“Yes, I wished for her death, at times more than I wished for my own.” She winced at the reminder of how badly he had wanted to escape her. “I’ll not deny that I gained some satisfaction from ending her life, I think I earned that right. But I made the choice to put my feelings aside for Henry’s sake, and had she been genuine I would have continued to do so. His safety comes first, always.”

“What if he can’t handle this, knowing you killed her?” That at least made him pause, and she recognised the way he took a moment to put together what he was going to say before he answered.

“I had no expectation of returning here when this started. I knew Henry might never forgive me. That was a price I was willing to pay to keep him safe. Better this pain now than worse down the road. Hurting him was unavoidable, it was just a case of when and how badly.” He fell silent for a long moment, looking at her intently. “But that is not why you are so angry. If it was about Henry I would understand that, but that’s not it, is it?”

She wanted to snap at him and tell him not to tell her why she was angry, but he was right. Of course she was worried about Henry, how couldn’t she be? Even if he did seem to be taking it better that she was for the moment. But that was not what was really fuelling her anger. If she was honest with herself she knew why, and it had nothing to do with Graham or Henry.

“I was relieved.” She finally said what had really been eating at her all evening. “I realised she was dead and the first thing I felt was relief.”

He stayed quiet, letting her speak. Her gaze was locked on the wall behind him, unable to look at him as she admitted this.

“I didn’t really understand how much I worried about her until it went away. But when I realised she was gone, I was relieved. And I still am.” She could even go so far to say she was almost happy. “So what does that make me? If I’m happy she’s dead? What kind of example does that make me for Henry?”

“I am not exactly the expert, but think that makes you human.” He said, with a wry smile. “There is nothing wrong with being relieved that a threat to your family has been eliminated. That is normal, or at least it should be.”

He made it sound so reasonable, so straightforward. She brought her feet up to rest on the edge of couch, hugging her knees to her chest, before she continued.

“I’m scared that the real reason I’m relieved is that it means we don’t have to share Henry with her anymore.” There. She’d said it, even if she still could not look at him. Was she really that petty? She didn’t know; she hoped not. But she had resented Regina, resented that Henry spent so much time with her. She had thought about how much easier it would be if Regina just disappeared from their lives. She would never have said it, but she had thought it. And now it had happened and she could not trust her own judgement. Wasn’t sure if her relief was because they were safer now, or because she was selfish. “I didn’t like how much of his time she took from us.”

“Emma.” He stepped forward, kneeling in front of her until she met his eye. “You always respected her role in Henry’s life, far more than she ever did yours. Even when I was insisting that you shouldn’t, you still fought on her behalf.”

It had been their first real fight. One she had only won by appealing to his love for Henry. She wondered how things would have gone if she hadn’t.

Would they have come to this point sooner? Would not having Henry have meant Regina wouldn’t have tried to be good at all, or stopped trying sooner? If she actually had ever been trying at all, something she was starting to doubt. She wondered if her change had been an act all along, if the whole time she had been pretending so she wouldn’t lose Henry. If they had made the break back then would it have meant less pain for Henry? If he hadn’t believed she had changed only to have his hopes smashed? Or would he have resented them for not being willing to give her a chance?

There was no point obsessing over it now, but she couldn’t stop herself. She had come to realise that second guessing every decision you made came with being a parent. And it was worst with the big things, and this was a big as they came.

But this was not the time to worry about that. Graham was still talking, and she had no doubt she wouldn’t have any shortage of time to obsess later.

“She has been given more chances than anyone should expect. If she did not want to take any of them, that was her choice. But if she had decided to change, I know you would have continued to support her place in Henry’s life.” He paused, and she could see him mentally debate whether or not to say what he was thinking. “And maybe you knew on some level that this was not a good relationship for him. Maybe the feeling you are worried was jealousy was actually your instincts trying to warn you of danger. Sometimes we know something is wrong even if we don’t know what or why.”

“So, what? This is my fault for not listening to my gut?” She could see the exasperation written all over his face at her words, he even rolled his eyes at her. She wasn’t serious, not really. But there was a small part of her that felt guilty for not knowing something was wrong. She couldn’t help but wonder if there was something she could have done differently. If there was a way that would have hurt Henry less, and have not endangered so many people.

“If you are to blame then so am I. More so even.” She was about to laugh off his words, but the laughter died when she saw the way his gaze had dropped. He did blame himself.

“Graham, no. We didn’t know, we couldn’t have known.”

“I knew.” He cut her off sharply. “I knew what she was, what she was capable of. Better than anyone. I knew she was a danger. And I let it go. Who knows what else she has done that we don’t know about, might never know about. What else she did while pretending to have changed. That she got away with because I was too scared of losing you and Henry to push for what I knew needed to be done.”

And the blows just kept on coming. Just when she thought her heart couldn’t take anymore. Because now she had to wonder how much their insistence on accepting Regina had cost him. What he had gone through because her family seemed hellbent on giving that woman chance after chance. Even now her breath still caught at how much he would sacrifice for her, for them.

“Even if that were true, you were hardly the only one, and she was not your responsibility.” No, Regina was her family’s responsibility. One they had failed to uphold.

“Wasn’t it? I am the Sheriff. I took an oath to protect the people of this town. They trusted me, and I failed. We only found out because she was desperate enough to take such a big risk. As bad as it was, it could have been so much worse. We may not have known until it was too late to stop her. Until she got her happy ending at everyone else’s expense.”

That one hit home. Honestly the whole idea had been so ridiculous that she hadn’t really given much thought to what Regina had planned if she found the author. She had just been glad she was focused on something non-destructive. Anything that stopped her from relapsing seemed worth going along with, and it had seemed harmless enough. Then Gold had got involved and suddenly it wasn’t such an impossible idea, but there was too much going on for her to have time to stop and think. But now she could think about it, and she couldn’t help but suspect that Regina’s idea of a happy ending would not have involved having to share Henry with anyone.

“It’s not like you didn’t try. You didn’t want us to trust her. We ignored you.” Another thing to feel guilty for. They had all been so understanding, making sure to keep her away from him. But they hadn’t listened to him, or trusted his judgment. “I’m sorry, we should have listened. We shouldn’t have forced you to accept her.”

“Emma, you don’t have to apologise. I may not have liked it, but I understood why. I hoped she could change as well, for Henry’s sake. You wanted what was best for Henry, and that is never something to be sorry for.” She wasn’t sure that even that was really a good enough reason for what they had done. But she doubted she was going to get a better opening than that to bring up the thought that had been lurking at the back of her mind all night.

“I was thinking about New York. About us going back.” He didn’t say anything, just cocked his head and waited for her to continue. “I can’t help but think about how much simpler things were for him there. He had friends, a life that did not involve constant danger. We went an entire year without anyone trying to kill him. Here, we are lucky if he manages a week. I don’t think he would want to leave, I’m not sure I want to leave, but…”

“If it is what is best for him, it is worth it.” He finished. Of course he understood. Wasn’t that exactly what he had done today, if in a more extreme way that she would have. He had been willing to lose Henry, and her, in order to keep him safe.

“What about you, what do you think about the idea? It would be a bit different to what you’re used to.” This was not solely her call, it affected all of them, and he deserved a say.

“My home is wherever you and Henry are.” For a guy who was supposedly not so good with words, he sure could come out with the most heart-meltingly romantic things sometimes. “If that is New York, so be it.”

“That is not an answer.” It may have been sweet, but it did not tell her how he felt about the possibility of moving out of Storybrooke.

He sighed before he answered. “I don’t like the idea of you being separated from your parents again. After so long, you deserve them in your life. And I can’t say the idea of living in a big city, and leaving my brother behind, necessarily appeals to me. But at the end of the day, you are worth any sacrifice. You and Henry.”

Maybe someday she would be used to having someone who thought she was worth sacrificing for, but for now it still surprised her every time.

“Your turn.” He gave her a moment to take in his answer before continuing. “You haven’t said what you think about the idea, beyond it being better for Henry.”

“Me? I’m not sure. Things were simpler then. I mean, I missed you, even if I didn’t know what it was that was missing. But other than that, we were happy. It was normal, you know? No constant emergencies, no danger, just normal life.” The end of her sentence was swallowed by a yawn and she was suddenly hit by how bone tired she was. The day had been exhausting both physically and mentally, and it looked like that had finally caught up with her. “But I think for now, I just want to go to bed. Come on, tomorrow is tomorrow’s problem.”

Things might have been a little awkward as they got ready for bed, she could tell Graham was trying not to presume too much, but for once she was too tired to overthink and was the one to close the distance. She knew the days ahead would not be easy. She had no idea how Henry was going to react once the initial shock and relief wore off. She feared this might go on to cause an irreparable rift in his relationship with Graham, one that could destroy their family.

She hadn’t had enough time to really gauge her parent’s reactions. Her mother had always been Regina’s biggest supporter, and the thought of having to keep defending Graham’s actions to her, especially when she had still not completely come to terms with them herself, was not a good one. Would Mary Margaret make Henry feel guilty about his reaction? They had finally settled into a normal relationship as a family, or at least as normal as they were ever going to get. This could throw that equilibrium back into chaos, after she had worked so hard to find that balance with them.

But like she’d said, that was tomorrow’s problem. Tonight, her family were here and safe. And given every other challenge they had faced and conquered, even those doubts were not enough for her to think they would not make it through this one as well.

Maybe she had in fact inherited some of her parent’s optimism. Or maybe she was finally learning not to always expect the worst from those she loved. But whatever it was, she found she had faith that everything was going to work out just fine.

#Gremma #Emma Swan #Sheriff Graham #Henry Swan #gremma ff #ouat ff #Swan Believer #Anti Regina #Anti Regal Believer #my fic #fic:she will pay #graham is not a fluffy puppy #abuse tw

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