#fic: what we do in the shadows

[honey-boyyoongi]

Pairing ➪ Yoonji x Y/n | Jimin x Y/n | Yoonji x Jimin x Seokjin

Word count ➪ 4.4k Words

Warnings ➪ authors horrible attempt at humor; mentions of blood and feeding; mentions of edible; not beta read;

Summary ➪ Y/n needs a place to stay as of yesterday. Her roommate bailed on her, she’s too far from her grandmother, and her boyfriend lives in a box with his best friend. The place she seems to find has everything; space, low rent, a short commute to her job, and seemingly nice roommates. But there are some things that are kinda weird. Like how her female roommate is up at all hours, and her male roommate mumbling about his plants yelling at him in the middle of the night. She can get through this, right?

A/n: Hey besties. I was meant to post this last month, but due to some things regarding my dad I couldn't really focus on much. Regardless though I am happy to get this out as an early present for Festa and for my own birthday. I'll continue 'Oh,baby' and should be posting a new part by the end of the month, at least I'm hoping to. As always feedback is appreciated, and if you would like to be added to the taglist please let me know.

Previous Next

It hurt. Everything hurts. Namjoon could feel every last one of his nerve endings screaming in agony. His head was burning, and it was getting harder to think rationally. What was happening?

It felt like he was being moved in slow motion. He could feel the early fall breeze on his face, but also stiffness on his left side. Something was clawing at him, and he wanted it to stop. 

Namjoon could hear muffled sounds, and felt a sudden warmth enveloping his chest. His heartbeat was slowing down; he was scared.

There began to be gaps in Namjoon’s awareness. When he would come to, sounds were still muffled, but he could feel and smell. The young man could no longer feel his favorite indigo blue set. A sweeping warmth on his skin was quickly followed by the bite of the cold room. He could smell damp earth, incense, and Jimin’s mellow fabric softener.. Jimin.. Yes, it smelled like Jimin. It smelled like his sweet friend. Namjoon started to feel like he was floating, the pain had stopped. He no longer felt scared. Jimin was here. 

_

“What the fuck are we going to do,” Yoonji hissed. Jimin’s spell hadn’t worked to it’s perceived potential, they had a vampire fledgling in the younger’s work room, and they found out their newest roommate is potentially one of them. Shit was hitting the fan, and it was hitting hard.

The female vampire was having conflicting feelings about their current situation. While Yoonji was grateful for the small moment they got, she was petrified of the inevitable conversation they would be having; being sires, and that none of them were human. The elder vampire had contingency plans, having a few emails drafted if her current life would implode. Her parents taught her to be diligent, always being sure she had backups to her backups. If Yoonji, and her friends, had to hide in her Black Forest estate until this blew over, then so be it. But a small, hopeful, part of Yoonji wanted Y/n to accept them. She hoped their newest roommate wouldn’t be afraid of them. 

They liked their lives here; she loves her life here. Yoonji is teaching pupils that are as passionate as she is. Seokjin is doing more of what he wants, while doing the bare minimum with the council. Jimin was still relatively new, but he had quickly gained loyal regulars that kept him busy. Things had finally set into place, and it’s dissolving in front of them. Yoonji watched as Jimin paced around their small island, and Jin was slouched forward, laying his upper body on the cold tile of the island. 

If Yoonji focused enough she could hear the hissing of the hot water, and the clattering of Y/n’s products. The elder vampire could hear the shower stopping, and the clicking of nails to screen. 

Jin slightly perked up, “I think..we should be truthful.” 

Jimin halted, “Truthful, of what? Of us, what we are, are you insane?”

Seokjin slightly nodded, “She’s going to find out, one way or another. Your friend will wake-up within the next 36 hours confused, scared, and starving. As a new fledgling, everything will be amplified. Y/n has the right to know, to choose whether she wants to stay and witness that, or leave. The first few days of any newborn fledgling are brutal because of the thirst, and immense feeling of overstimulation. It’ll be frightening, even for you.” 

The witch scoffed, “I’ve been around fledglings, they’re not scary.” 

Seokjin narrowed his eyes at Jimin, highly unamused, “A newborn is different, they’re transitioning and everything is overwhelming to them. He won’t be the same person you remember him to be for a while. He’ll be constantly feeding, and losing control of himself. The slightest thing could set him off. If you’re not frightened by his unpredictability, then you’re a fool.”

Yoonji knew Jimin was aware of the changes that would be happening with Namjoon, she’d gone into detail of every fledgling transition she’s witnessed. Only one thing remained constant within those memories, fledglings were unpredictable. The female vampire saw as the tips of Jimin’s ears turned pink from Jinnie’s scolding, clearly embarrassed at being corrected. 

Their witchy roommate sighed, “Are we telling her everything? What we each are, and what’s going on with Joonie?”

“I think we should,” Yoonji said. Jimin nodded, busying himself with cleaning up the bag of O negative from their sink. He sighed deeply, “What if she freaks out..what if… What if she tells someone? Hunters are still a thing. What if they find you, or Seokjin? I wouldn’t be able to live if anything would happen to either of you.”

Seokjin rose from his seat, “Min..” He enveloped the witch from behind, gently tightening his hold to comfort him. Jimin sniffled, hesitantly turning around and reciprocating Jin’s hug. The older vampire wrapped an arm across the witch’s back, and another was cradling his friend’s head into his chest. Jin delicately played with Min’s hair, “Jimin, I know you’re scared, we’re scared too.” 

Jin redirected them towards the couch, clearly wanting to be comfortable during this stressful moment. Yoonji and Seokjin took the ends of the couch, not really giving Jimin any choice in arrangement. They settled in before the older vampire could continue. “A lot of things are happening too quickly, we can’t let ourselves be frightened,” Seokjin said. 

He gestures towards Yoonji, asking her to say something. “I can’t say nothing won’t happen, because it will, but we will work through it. Hunters..are an unfortunate consequence of our existence. We haven’t done anything wrong.”

“But what about Joonie,” Min asked, “what if anyone saw Jin jumping on him?”

“What happened with Namjoon was an accident, Jinnie didn’t attack him maliciously. He was trying to help, and an accident happened. If, for some reason, a hunter saw him we’d deal with it,” Yoonji responded. 

Jin nodded along, “We’ll be okay, we’ll work through it Min.”

The trio is huddled together, whispering, when Y/n walks into the living room. Seokjin signals Yoonji to turn towards the kitchen. She panics, stuttering a quirky greeting, “Hey, Y/n, um.. How’d you, uh, sleep?”

Y/n shrugged, “Eh, I guess, I don’t remember falling asleep.” 

Jimin nudged Yoonji to keep talking. She shook her head, too unsure how to carry this conversation. They watch the human make a cup of iced coffee, looking around for any piece of the witch’s pastries. Yoonji notices Y/n is in lounging clothes, and not in her regular jeans. She’s barefaced, and is allowing her hair to air-dry into their natural waves. Her cheeks are still pink from her morning shower, and she’s wearing her glasses today. 

The trio watches as their human roommate goes back and forth with each of her breakfast items to join them in the living room. She sits on the sofa chair on Jin’s side of the living room. 

Y/n sighs as she adjusts into place, takes a big sip of her coffee, and looks towards the trio, “Guys, I had the weirdest dream last night.”

“Weird dream? Like what,” Jimin asked. 

Y/n’s face scrunched up, “I dreamt that Jin got hurt. He was covered in blood, and he wouldn’t respond to me. There was a man at the doorway. I didn’t know him, but he was next to Jin and I was getting scared. I ended up passing out in-dream. Next thing I know, my alarms are going off, and I’m freaking out because I think I’m late for work, but I’m not late because my manager thinks that I’m sick and I don’t know what’s going on.”

Yoonji looked at Y/n in mild terror, she clearly remembered. The vampire gave her friends a look before she spoke, “Y/n.. we need to talk.”

The human looked at the trio worried slightly tilting her head. “Oh, fuck. Did I do something last night,” she rambled. “I mean, I ate an edible that’s probably why I passed out, but if I acted out of line I need you guys to tell me.” 

Yoonji sat stunned, struggling to contain her laughter. The vampire dug her nails into her thighs to keep herself from bursting, “You acted no weirder than you usually do on edibles.” Jimin bursted in a small fit of giggles. Seokjin looked between them, confused as to what an edible was. He gestured his confusion to Jimin, who gestured back that he’d explain later. 

The vampire covered her escaped chuckles with swift coughs. “No.. um.. That dream that you mentioned happened.” She watched as the human stiffened in her seat. “Last night Jinnie came home a bit.. Flustered. There was an accident, and he came home to get help..but there’s more to it.” Yoonji was starting to get uncomfortable, and she could see that Jin was staring at their carpet. “Please, listen to what we have to say.” 

Yoonji took a moment to collect her thoughts, when Seokjin took over, “Last night, I was walking around to waste some time, then I smelled something. I walked deeper into the park trail, desperate to find it. It smelled so good, I just had to see what it was. I thought it was a fox, or a small deer, they’re especially delicious this time of year, but instead I saw a human. He was bleeding from his knee, he said he was fine. Next thing I know my shirt is wet with blood, and the man is passed out. I’m freaking out because I’ve never done anything like this. I bring us back to the house. Yoonji, and Jimin try to help, but I can’t hear them because everything sounds muffled, and my skin feels clammy. I smelled when you came near me, and all I could think about was blood and how yours smelled good enough to be my next meal. I was scared, and Jimin was able to sedate me.” 

The elder vampire released a large sigh, as if a weight had been lifted from him. “When I bit the man, I accidentally released some venom in him. He’s currently transitioning into a vampire.”

Y/n looks at the trio, analyzing them. She takes a small bite from her breakfast sandwich, confusion riddling her face. The human gestured at them, “Are the three of you vampires?”

Jimin shook his head, “No, I’m a witch. I just moved here a couple years ago, and moved in a year and a half ago. Yoonji, and Jinnie are vampires. They’re currently part of a small group of vampires that pre-date the Joseon dynasty.”

Yoonji grumbled, hating being reminded of her age. She watched as the human continued eating her breakfast with a vacant look. To Y/n’s left Jin was trying his hardest to control his shaking leg, and was slightly chewing at the sides of his thumb. Next to him, Jimin was turning pink from the pressure of the situation. 

They watched as Y/n finished her breakfast, leisurely drinkin the last of her morning coffee. She turned to them, face slightly scrunched. “So let me get this straight, Yoonji and Seokjin are vampires. Jimin is a witch. Seokjin accidently got himself a vampire kid, and I almost got eaten until Jimin knocked out Seokjin.” The trio nodded, Y/n continued speaking, “Did I get knocked out too? Where’s the new vampire? I assume since you guys are, you know, you..that there’s more of you guys? I don’t know what to call you. It feels weird to call you supernatural, because what you are is normal to you guys, and oh my god, why am I making a big deal out of this?”

Jimin was intrigued, “Like Jin said, you got a little too close to him while he was a bit overwhelmed. You didn’t know, it’s no one’s fault. We didn’t know how to explain what happened, even when we didn’t fully know ourselves.” The witch watched the human nod along to what he was saying. “The new vampling is in my workroom, he’s transitioning in a safe environment, and will be properly supported by Jinnie and Yoonji. As for the umbrella label, that's fine. In our world we just call each other by our species names, humans wouldn’t know every one of us so it’s fine.”

Seokjin stared at the human with curiosity, he couldn’t decipher any emotions from her. He was perplexed and needed to know why she was so calm. “Are you not afraid,” he blurted out, “I confessed to wanting your blood as a meal, and you’re indifferent.”

Y/n was startled by Jin’s harsh statement. “As ridiculous as it sounds, yes and no. Yes, because of course with anything unknown, fear always accompanies it. No, well if you’d had wanted to hurt me, or worse eat me, you would’ve done so the first week of me living here. Maybe not even the week. Of course the possibility that you could’ve bit me frightens me, but you didn’t and I’m here now without any harm. At this point I just wanna ask questions about your species. As well as figure out who contacted my manager.”

Jimin looked at Y/n mildly guilty, “I called her after we had settled you into your room, and made sure both Jinnie and Joonie were sedated.”

“Who’s Joonie,” she asked. 

Jimin shifted in his seat, “Namjoon is the man that is currently in the workroom. Jinnie didn’t know who he was, it was a case of being at the wrong place at the wrong time.”

The human turned towards the elder vampire, “Why’d you attack him?” Yoonji could see Y/n was angry and confused. They had just spent time establishing they would never harm her, just to say an innocent human was attacked by one of theirs. 

Seokjin looked at their human roommate in shame, “I didn’t mean to.” He took a moment to take a few deep breaths, collecting himself back up. He looked at Yoonji, trying to gain courage from his longest friend. “Yoonie, is it okay if I talk about what happened a few weeks ago,” he asked. Yoonji nodded her consent, urging Jin to continue. “A few weeks ago Yoonji was sick, she was starving. I drank from a few donors to help her. Came home, helped her, then two days after I left for Mongolia to help with a territory dispute. During my two week stay there was a limited amount of blood we could consume, therefore only took what would keep us functional. When we came back I was denied entry to our donor wing. I called up my blood supplier, and while I waited for him to arrive, I found Namjoon. I didn’t attack him for fun, I attacked him because I was starving. For almost three weeks I was kept at the verge of hunger. I haven’t attacked a human since I was a small vampling.”

Y/n waved her hand at Jimin’s direction, “You called him Joonie.. Jimin, do you know him?”

The witch nodded, “I’ve been friends with Joon for about a year, he doesn’t know about what we are and our world. When Jin brought him home, I was so scared. I knew what happened just by looking at them. I’m upset that an innocent person is caught up in this, but I’m not upset at Jinnie. He was starving, and I know he wouldn’t have attacked anyone on purpose.” 

The human sat in her chair stumped, “Damn, and now your friend is a vampire? Seokjin mentioned venom, does that make you guys like the Twilight vampires? Do y’all sparkle in the sun, because I’ve never seen you guys in direct sunlight.”

Yoonji can feel an overwhelming feeling of ick consuming her. “No, no, no, no, please,” she pleaded. “Anything, but that. First off, in Twilight they aren’t vampires, they’re blood sucking Fae that give real vampires a bad name. Vampires don’t need to exchange blood to transform a human into a fledgling. Much like werewolves, vampires have a venom they can inject into humans to turn them into vampires.”

“Okay, cool, cool,” Y/n replied, “You still didn’t answer if you sparkled.”

Yoonji grew a little infuriated with the little query, “No, we don’t sparkle, only the Fae sparkle. We’re not Fae, we’re vampires! Real vampires, dammit!” 

Y/n clicked her teeth in disappointment, “Man, I was really hoping someone would say ‘this is the skin of a killer Bella’ for me.” The female vampire could feel her eye twitch in annoyance. ‘Twilight this, Twilight that. We’re way better than some snobby Fae,’ she thought. 

“What do you know about vampires,” Seokjin asked their human roommate. 

“I mean the pretty common tropes: aversion to holy objects, sunlight, garlic, mirrors, werewolves, silver, anything sharp that could strike the heart, decapitation, fire. ‘Think that’s it,” she answered. 

Seokjin chuckled, “I don’t know when that rumor of religious items started.”

“Probably when that Irish author wrote the Dracula book,” Yoonji piped up. 

“We tend to have light sensitivity in our early years,” the elder vampire explained, “Everything about us is more sensitive to help us catch prey.” Yoonji nods in agreement, continuing for her friend, “The garlic myth is just that a myth. Back when people were discovering spices they tended to go heavier, and let me tell you people weren’t as hygienic as they are now. Mix that with a sensitive nose and we made sure to keep ourselves away.”

“We also didn’t have an aversion to mirrors, some were just so horribly made lots of us didn’t bother,” Seokjin added. “You can still see our reflections on surfaces, and we film well. To keep ourselves safe is why we avoid any form of documentation via film and why the mirror and reflection myth started.”

“Werewolf bites are, unfortunately, deadly to us. Decapitation is kind of obvious, no one could survive that. As well as a stake to the heart,” Yoonji continued. “No silver aversion, again started by some old fart that considered himself a monster hunter.” She sighed trying to remember all of the things Y/n had asked about. She snapped her fingers, urging herself to remember. “Oh, fire obviously hurts, but it is not deadly to us.”

Y/n nodded along, “Alright cool, cool. Uh, so, what exactly is going to be done about the man/newly turned vampire.” Yoonji could tell their human roommate was trying to handle the onslaught of information with humor. “I don’t know about you guys, but this is my first time with a fresh out of the oven vampire. I don’t know what to expect. Should I even be here?” 

The human gestured towards Jimin and herself, “Should we even be here? I mean, I know Min is a witch, but still, he's still edible, right?”

Seokjin could no longer hold in his laughter, and neither could Yoonji. The vampires found amusement in the human’s worries. Jin could feel small tears forming at the corners of his eyes, and the worry he was carrying himself has started to melt away. “If you wanted to get technical, yes Jimin counts as being edible,” Yoonji says. Jimin scoffed, clearly unamused. 

Y/n mumbled in acknowledgement, she readjusted herself to be laying across the couch. She had a calculating look on her face, Yoonji could clearly see the human was trying hard to understand them. The vampire knew it was a lot, hell the small incident that was currently happening wasn’t even the worst in her and Seokjin’s long friendship. There was always a clusterfuck of things happening around them to the point they have agreed that come with the territory of being who they are within their society. 

Jimin excuses himself to check on Namjoon in the other room, Seokjin offering to go with him, just in case he says. The two women are left alone in the large living room. Yoonji doesn’t know if she should keep talking about what they are, or stay quiet as Y/n is clearly overwhelmed. 

Yoonji lets the human be, cleaning up the remaining dishes on the coffee table into the dishwasher. She fixes herself another blood infused coffee, happy she no longer has to hide her coffee cup. She goes back to the living room, settling back into the corner she was formerly in. 

Y/n doesn’t make a movement, or a noise for 25 minutes. She’s overwhelmed by the information given to her. Her roommates aren’t human, that much was established. There’s a man in the house currently turning into a vampire, and she almost got turned into a meal. What was racking her brain the most was, how did she never notice. 

Y/n always thought Seokjin was eccentric, lots of people these days love dressing up in vintage clothing. He’d be working at odd times of the day, but she chalked it up to it being the runner of the family business. He loved taking pictures of himself, and he always ate dinner with them. He always complained about the sun being too harsh, even on overcast days. He was always the first one up in the mornings, more times than not being the house’s wake-up call. She could never tell when he slept, and he never showed signs of being exhausted. He wasn’t that up to date with current pop culture, sometimes having to explain what a certain joke or meme meant. He didn’t use social media, only using an email that Yoonji had made him create. He still used a flip phone, because newer phones were too complicated, he had said. That was until his infamous pink flip phone officially bit the dust. Seokjin was a big eater, there had been days where he had ordered enough takeout for three. He traveled all the time, and never spoke of anything preventing him from going. 

Yoonji was the complete opposite. She was a bit of a night owl, and a reluctant early riser. Y/n would catch her drinking iced coffee from a large tumbler every day. The female vampire was sluggish, like she didn’t get enough sleep. She’s always avoided the sun, preferring to stay her pale shade, because she claimed to tan unevenly. She would spend hours working on rearranging pieces to her pupils playing level, as well as creating her own. Yoonji would eat meals with them, but she was more of a watcher than an eater. She’d always say she’d get full watching them eat their meals so well. She’s always up to date on memes due to her pupils, some days even repeating some of the new slang to them. Y/n had found out Yoonji likes to upgrade her electronics every couple years, funnily enough the female vampire had taken Jin to finally join them in the modern world with a brand new phone. Yoonji was always vocal about her distaste for Seokjin’s eccentric way of dressing. “Jinnie you’ve been using those pants since the first industrial revolution, please let them go,” She’d heard her say, now thinking back it could’ve been literal. 

Jimin reminded Y/n of her grandmother. She was a bit of an herbalist, and practiced small rituals that her mother used to do in her home. The little things would start to tip her off. Jimin was big on making his own tea blends, and enjoyed gifting a small amount to his returning customers. She’s seen Jimin read tea leaves, and tarot for his customers. He had done a big ritual with the change from summer to autumn. Hell, she remembered that Jimin had knocked her unconscious without so much as touching her. Everything had a purpose, even when one would think otherwise. She’s caught him talking to their plants more times than she can count. Jimin liked to keep the house safe, and she’d see him draw protective sigils around the property. The witch loved to bake, and insisted his pastries could cure anything. Y/n could feel the love, and care Jimin would fill his creations with. He always left the house with a small kit for foraging in his satchel, along with a notebook, and various small drawstring bags. 

More than anything she felt slightly guilty. She’d been basing her knowledge on vampires from ‘Twilight’, and ‘The Vampire Diaries’.  How was she supposed to know vampires apparently live in the outskirts of the city? With roommates? Maybe Taika Waititi was right, vampires are weird and a little reclusive. 

Y/n had a ungodly amount of questions for them:

How long have you been vampires?

Have you ever been dormant?

How long have you owned your current home?

Are you paying off a mortgage?

How is your skin still so silky smooth?

Do you sleep in a coffin, if so do you air it out?

Yet every question she came up with somehow felt more, and more like her brain running on fumes. Y/n would try to sneak glances at Yoonji, but somehow they kept making eye contact, must be vampire instinct. 

Upon having more of a look, Y/n realized the little things gave them away. Yoonji, and Seokjin always had claws, not human type nails. A few times a month she’d see Yoonji fixing her nails, and Jin’s. The permanent dark eye circles that gave away their lack of need for sleep. Yoonji had gone weeks without eating, but still looked relatively healthy when Y/n saw her again. They also carried themselves differently. Both vampires always seemed regal in the way they moved. Yoonji’s extensive knowledge in music should’ve been a dead give away, as well as Seokjin’s very extensive closet. 

But as much as she racked her brain, the more she thought of how they resembled people their age. Yoonji was in love with Kuromi, and had a whole corner dedicated to her collectibles. Seokjin might not be social media savvy, but he was always in the know about the trending restaurants and cafes. The eldest vampire would game for hours, if he had no responsibilities, while Yoonji was a big fan of the local aquarium. Even with the complaints about sun sensitivity, Seokjin was always a nice tan color that made him even more handsome. Though Yoonji looked scary, she actually hated horror movies, or anything of the horror genre. She was terrified of large bugs, and always had to ask Y/n or Jimin to get rid of the creepy crawlies. 

Nothing could’ve tipped her off. 

Fic Masterlist

[ofmd-ann]

Viago looking at Stede's Instagram page 💕

I blame this fanart for putting it in my brain

[beansprean]

Commissioned for @kristylime 's CUTEASS fic “A Prescription for Love”!!! This is a snippet from chapter 4! ;)

(ID in alt and under cut)

ID: 1a. Full body of Guillermo, dressed in a pink tee shirt, grey sweatpants, and socks, sitting up on his bed with one arm propped behind him and the other petting a gray kitten named Beaker who is happily arching and rubbing into the attention. A window nearby shows a gray sky outside, and his laptop is open in front of him on the bedspread, covered in various vampire and pride related stickers. Guillermo looks sadly down at the cat and sighs, saying, "I just wish I had some kind of sign..." 1b. Close up of Guillermo with a tear forming in his eye, glancing over as his phone, sitting on the bed nearby, begins to ding with multiple incoming texts. His phone has a black case with a rainbow bat pattern. 1c. Shoulders up of Guillermo sitting up and holding his phone with his right hand, his left taking a moment to rub the tear from his eye. The phone continues to ding with more texts. 1d. Repeat. Guillermo opens his eyes to look down curiously at the phone, swiping his thumb across the screen to unlock it as it dings twice more.

2a. A series of texts from human Nandor appear on the left with reactions from Guillermo on the right. His message reads: "Hi, Guillermo. I hope you had a nice time today. I had a really great time at brunch and showing you the farm. And I’m glad you got to meet Dr. Baron and Dr. Sirus. And all my animals. I think Rajah misses his pal, Beaker, though. He seems a bit glum this evening. I must confess that I’m still on Cloud 9… from the kiss. Though I am looking forward to Taco Tuesday. Unless you’d consider seeing me tomorrow? Maybe just some takeout from my parents’ restaurant at your place? LMK." This is followed by a text with a photo of a blue merle Australian Shepherd named Rajah laying on a large plaid doggy bed with his head on his paws, looking up at the camera with big sparkly sad blue eyes. On the right, a close up of Guillermo huffing out a small laugh through his nose as he reads, looking fond. 2b. Repeat. Nandor sends another photo of himself, half in frame, wearing a flannel shirt over a black tee and his hair in a loose braid grinning and holding a strip of bacon out between his teeth. Rajah appears from the other side and excitedly chomps down on the other end of the bacon strip. Nandor writes, "I have determined how to chase his blues away at least temporarily. BACONNNNN!!!!!" On the right, Guillermo's smile grows helplessly, looking more amused and more fond by the moment. 2c. Repeat. Nandor sends another photo, clearly taken moments after the previous one, showing himself snorting with laughter as Rajah licks all over his face. He writes, "How is Beaker doing?" and then "Sorry for all the text messages. I just realized this might be creepy." On the right, Guillermo finally dissolves into laughter, tipping his phone as if to cover his mouth.

3a. A text reply from Guillermo that reads "Not creepy at all. Beaker is settling in well. He seems to like me, air conditioning, and/or movies. He’s nice to cuddle with and talk to. Thank you again. I was also thinking about our kiss. That it was a long time coming and that I’d like you to kiss me more, if you’d like that. Tomorrow, I work until 7PM, but I would love for you to come over for dinner. Persian Delight would be wonderful, but I would like to cook for you at some point, too. 7:30PM tomorrow?" Nandor immediately replies "Sure, it's a date," with a winking kiss emoji. 3b. Close up on Guillermo's eyes shining with excitement above blushing cheeks as Nandor's last text echoes in pink around him. 3c. Full body of Guillermo, sun shining on him from behind as the sun pours through the window, grinning happily as he holds Beaker up to his cheek with one hand and holds his phone out with the other to take a selfie. He says, "I guess as far as signs go, it doesn’t get a lot clearer than that." Beaker mews in reply. /end ID

[cordeliavenable]

i am FASCINATED by the fact that these are nandor’s only interactions with derek. i highly doubt they’ll address this on the show, but i think it could fuck nandor up if he realizes he was cucked by a guy who he sentenced to death (and who guillermo subsequently rescued and invited to nandor’s wedding). i NEED someone to examine these dynamics in a fic!!!!

[strawlessandbraless]

Reblog to stray further from gods light

[cottoncandysprite]

Another AU because they're the only thing keeping me sane rn

[eruptedinlight]

do you have a moment to talk about my lord and savior

[columboposting]

OK it's never been more over for nandermo but at least we got an all timer Laszlo episode

[gerandor]

Do you remember that night on the doorstep before you left to pursue your happiness away from me, I told you, “Can you please, please turn me into a vampire before you leave? So that after all these years, you and I both can be happy.”

I think you thought I had wanted vampirism at the cost of losing you forever. Maybe that’s why you told me, “Vampirism is a curse. And I care for you too much to burden you with that.”

You were right. Vampirism is a curse. But only if it comes to you when you’re the most lonely. Only if it takes the one you love the most away from you because you were so scared to lose him forever that you lost him anyway.

But I was right, too. If you’d turned me, you and I both, right now, could’ve been happy. And your eyes instead of looking at the distance between us, would’ve lifted to see the love in mine and your hands wouldn’t have hovered over my heart like you could’ve never had me.

[dandelionpixels]

reader + what we do in the shadows household

(platonic/family)

ask: I’m desperately coping with the show ending, so do you suppose we could have some wwdits headcanons where the reader is a half-vampire and announces that they’re getting married?

- you’re probably pretty nervous to announce it, given the vamps aren’t known for being good with change. you dance around it for a while, hiding your engagement ring in your pocket and being paranoid about any love-life related questions.

- eventually you can feel yourself buckle under the stress, knowing you have to tell someone. it’s late when you knock on guillermo’s door, rushing inside the second he opens it.

“Hi? Hi! What’s going on, are you okay?”


You nod quickly, not knowing how to say it. Before you can chicken out, you pull the ring out of your pocket and slide it onto your finger. Biting your lip nervously, you extend your hand out. Guillermo has to physically cover his mouth to stop himself from letting out an excited squeak, but you can see his grin all over his face.

He grabs your hand, admiring the ring, “Oh my gosh, how long?”

Face splitting into a grin, you can feel yourself shaking the stress off your shoulders already. You’d been wanting to be excited with someone for so long. “Next month!”

His mouth drops as he looks up at you, “Have you told the others?”

Shaking your head slowly, you raise your hands into a prayer gesture, wincing slightly at it, “I was actually hoping you could do me a big favor and help out with that.”

- you guys spend the whole night on guillermo’s bed, sitting cross-legged trying to figure out the best way to launch it to the other members of the household.

- the next morning you both enter the kitchen exhausted, making nadja recoil in disgust, “Ew, why do you two look so… dead?” You both shoot her a look and she rolls her eyes, “You know what I mean.”

- it takes too long to gather everyone into the living room. every time you bring the last person in, the others have disappeared back into their rooms. and when you do get everyone sat down, laszlo won’t stop obsessing over the “sliding boxes” on the laptop. no matter how many times you explain what a slideshow is, he can’t grasp it.

The slideshow starts easy, with a few pictures of you and your partner early into dating. You explain who it is and how you guys met. Nandor isn’t paying attention, busy trying to untie his double-knotted boots. Nadja and Laszlo are on thin ice, only paying attention to giggle and point at every single transition in the slideshow. Colin is paying far too much attention, trying to give you tips on how to improve your ‘slideshow game’ while you do your best to ignore him.

Nevertheless, Guillermo shoots you a thumbs up and you keep going. The next pictures are more recent, various adventures the two of you had gone on together. You get to the second to last slide, a picture taken of both of you, your partner’s hand behind their back. You glance up to see that no one has picked up any hints you were putting down. Looks like a soft-launch is off the table.

Clicking through to the last slide, you reveal the ring on your other hand, waving it in front of everyone to get their attention. 


“I’m getting married!”

Laszlo reacts first, standing up and stomping his foot, “Absolutely not! I will not have you sold off without me knowing about it, unless we are in dire need of livestock.”

You cock your head in equal parts confusion and annoyance. Next to him, Nadja stands up slower, hands outstretched, “Laszlo, you dumbass! As usual, you’ve got it all wrong, they’re getting married like idiots because they want too.” It’s oddly tender, coming from her, and you can feel your eyes tearing up.

She grabs your hands, eyes watering, “I’ve always wanted to be a plant woman.”

Glancing behind her, you see Guillermo mouth ‘flower girl’ and mime throwing petals. Smiling, you squeeze her hands, “You will absolutely be our plant woman, I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

Laszlo sticks out a hand, weirdly formal. You drop Nadja’s hands to cautiously shake his. He nods sharply, “Although I only believe in the marriage between me and my darling wife, I truly hope you beat the odds. Or more likely, give an honorable attempt at beating the odds.” Smiling, you can sense the genuine congratulations behind his mildly judgmental words.

Colin rises from the couch, corners of his mouth ever so slightly upturned, “This is very good, I’ve always wanted to bake a wedding cake.” You look at him, letting out a slight laugh of disbelief, “Colin, did you say you’re happy for me?” He stares back, “I don’t think so, but if that’s what you heard, I’ll let it slide.” You can’t help but shoot Guillermo a surprised look, and then nod quickly to Colin, “It’s…appreciated? I hope you don’t take it personally that I can’t allow you to make a toast at the wedding.”

He nods, “I understand, but it’s actually quite interesting how toasts came to be, especially in the context of-,”

Nandor interrupts, picking a perfect time to pitch in, “You’re- really getting married?” He gestures between Nadja and Laszlo, “Like… them?” He’s clearly grossed out, but makes a clear effort to try and hide it. The effort is appreciated and you nod, “Not exactly like them, I hope.” You make an apologetic glance in their direction, “No offense. But yeah, I’m getting married for real.”

He looks dramatically towards Guillermo, “Must everyone flaunt their happiness in my face?” Guillermo rolls his eyes, “Can you please just be supportive?”

Knowing Nandor’s delicate feelings about weddings and change and love, you sit down next to him on the couch, “Hey.”

He pretends not to hear you, pouting in defiance. You take a breath, smiling despite yourself, “Nandor, I wanted to ask you something. It’s really important, please listen.” You see him perk up slightly, still looking down. Putting a hand on his shoulder, you let out a resigned breath, “Would you like to write a speech for my wedding?”

Spinning around to face you, he stifles a smile, “A speech?” You nod and he lets a grin force it’s way onto his face as he gives you an energetic yet slightly awkward side hug, “Yes! And it’ll be the best speech I’ve ever written. Long, and- and with a lot of words.”

You lean over to whisper to Guillermo, “Will you please proofread that speech?” He nods worriedly, keeping an eye on Nandor as the vampire gestures widely.

Nadja and Laszlo push you to the side, sitting on the couch beside you. Guillermo looks down the couch at everyone, “Guys, let’s be as helpful as possible, okay? Weddings take a lot of planning, even in the last month.”


Everyone nods eagerly, and you feel your chest go warm. Though sometimes clumsy and emotionally immature, hearing everyone excitedly discuss absolutely ridiculous wedding ideas is somehow the sweetest gesture ever. Nadja is talking to Guillermo about finding ‘some of those dancing shirtless people’ for a party, Laszlo is concerningly preoccupied with a topiary sculpture to commemorate your day, Nandor is reciting speech ideas out loud, and Colin is pretending not to look up cake recipes on the laptop.

- the actual wedding goes beyond fantastic. nadja is a lovely flower girl, even with doll nadja sitting in the flower petal basket. nandor’s speech is surprisingly heartfelt, even more so when guillermo admits he didn’t help all that much. laszlo insists he’s going to walk you down the aisle, whether you like it or not. colin is trying very hard to walk the line of making the full vampires chill out without putting them to sleep. it’s his idea of a wedding gift. guillermo also makes sure they don’t wreck too much havoc, and that they confuse your older relatives as little as possible.

[honey-boyyoongi]

Hey y’all! How are y’all liking the new update? Lemme know your thoughts. 💕

[imagovampireversion]

i have exactly two moods when reading wwdits fics and they are:

nandermo, slow burn, 100k+ words, best friends to lovers, confessions, first kiss, idiots in love, fluff, domestic, everyone is happy

the nastiest one shot ever written that involves every single roommate simultaneously

that’s it

[beansprean]

Lil comic from chapter 1 of Alethophobia by @jay-auris! Character designs by the incredible @pejntboks!

(ID in alt and under cut)

ID: 1a. Distant shot from behind a white van parked on a patch of gravel and dirt with its rear doors wide open, pine trees in the distance against a darkening sky. Human Nandor is rummaging around in the equipment in the back of the van, muttering angrily to himself. He is wearing a green flannel with rolled sleeves over a white tee shirt tucked into cut off blue jean shorts, white knee socks, and hiking boots. The side of Guillermo's face appears in closeup in the foreground, looking at him. 1b. Shot from inside the van as Guillermo comes up behind Nandor, both now facing the viewer. Nandor has his graying hair down and hanging messily in his face as he scowls, sweat beading on his forehead. He wears a silver medallion around his neck, orange tasbih prayer beads around his right wrist, has two orbital piercings with silver hoops and a silver conch stud in his left ear, and silver vertical studs on his right eyebrow. He continues glaring at the equipment and shuffling it around with his left hand as he thrusts a camera bag out behind him with his right, snapping, "Leave Laszlo to pack everything like an overgrown child. Here, pull out the extra batteries so I can put them in the actual fucking battery cases we own." Guillermo looks down at the bag in surprise as it is thrust towards him, hands coming up automatically to take it. He is wearing a black tee shirt with a gray symbol on the chest under a sleeveless unzipped dark blue hoodie with red trim, black leggings, red sneakers, a black fidget ring on his right middle finger, and a silver cross around his neck, tucked into the shirt. 1c. Close up of Guillermo as takes the bag and removes the batteries, aiming a concerned look at Nandor as he does so. He asks, "Are you okay?" 1d. Waist up of Nandor from Guillermo's POV as he straightens up and wrestles his hair back into a messy bun with quick, angry motions. Still glaring down at the equipment, he snarls, "I dislike long car rides; I dislike being out of the city;" 1e. Reverse shot, close up of the back of Nandor's head with its painful looking bun in the foreground as he continues, "I dislike laszlo's laissez-faire attitude towards the security of our expensive equipment..." In the background, Guillermo frowns as he observes Nandor's hair.

2a. Repeat. Guillermo interrupts Nandor's venting by pointing toward his hair and asking, "Can I fix that?" Nandor's head in the foreground turns toward him, asking, "Huh?" 2b. Wide shot facing the rear of the van as Guillermo says, "Your hair, just- c'mere." Guillermo takes Nandor by the shoulders, turns him around, and pushes him down to sit on the bumper with a small, unassuming smile. Nandor looks shocked and not a little flustered, shoulders tense under Guillermo's hands. 2c. Close up on Nandor as Guillermo pulls the rubber band from his hair and lets it loose around his shoulders, covering his eyes. Guillermo combs his fingers through the strands and Nandor stills, expression hidden but cheeks going red. 2d. Close up of Nandor's face from the nose down in profile as Guillermo's hands gather his hair behind his shoulders. 2e. Close up of the back of Nandor's head from Guillermo's POV as he pulls all of Nandor's hair together neatly at his crown.

3a. Close up on Nandor's side, elbow to hip, as Guillermo's right hand leaves his head to tap two fingers on Nandor's jeans pocket. Nandor pulls his elbow away in surprise. 3b. Repeat. Nandor's other hand obliges, pulling a second rubber band from his pocket and offering it to Guillermo, who hooks it onto his finger. 3c. Waist up of Guillermo as he steps back with a hesitant grin, hands clasped together at his sternum. He says, "There. Better?" 3d. Close up of Nandor's right hand as it lifts his phone and unlocks it with a thumb. His phone case is a Lisa-Frank-esque close up of a white horse with purple, blue, and pink spots on a backdrop of a blue sky with clouds and a rainbow.

4a. Bust of Nandor as he raises his phone up to take a look at himself in the camera, expression now softened from his earlier frustration. His hair is now twisted up into a neat, round bun at the crown of his head, one stubborn strand loose at his temple. He raises his eyebrows, liking what he sees, and says "Huh. That's very good. How did you do that?" 4b. Zoom out to knees up, Nandor still perched on the bumper of the van. Guillermo stuffs his hands in the pockets of his hoodie and leans back against one of the van doors, flushed and grinning as he aims his gaze elsewhere. With a humble shrug, he replies, "Sister taught me. She said that if I wanted to impress a girl one day, I should learn how to do basic styles." Nandor lowers his phone and drapes that arm over his raised knee, left hand palming the other to balance himself as he turns his torso towards Guillermo with a grin. He says, "Well, color this girl impressed." /end ID

[badaline]

I have this head canon about Guillermo being absolutely HUNG and no one knows about it until some unfortunate mishap where all their clothes are vanished for some reason. Nadja yells about witches. Lazlo enjoys the visage of his bombshell wife being suddenly naked. Nandor is just standing there with his hands on his hips, still wearing his boots somehow.

And then there is Guillermo. Embarrassed. Hung like a horse Guillermo.

Lazlo is the first to notice and boy he notices and comments on it loudly. “Gizmo what the fuck -how long have you been packing that around?” Which gets everyone else’s attention. And now they’re all just LOOKING at poor Guillermo like they’ve never seen him.

And for the entirety of the ‘episode’ it’s just all of them trying more and more desperate attempts to seduce Guillermo the hung virgin and all of them failing and embarrassing Guillermo the longer it goes on.

Guillermo just getting frustrated “I’m not sleeping with any of you.”

Lazlo: “who said anything about sleeping my dear boy? I’m saying we should fuck.”

Nadja: “yes I would very much like to watch the fucking.”

Nandor: “hey Guillermo is my familiar-bodyguard, wait your turns.”

Colin Robinson: “I also wouldn’t mind a turn, I don’t say this often but there’s a certain kind of —“

Cue Guillermo running away. Mumbling at the cameras about how he was practically invisible to everyone in the house but now that everyone knows hes…. well… gifted… now they all suddenly treat him like he’s worth something.

[magalidragon]

“Have you gone soft my sweet syrup pie?” | a what we do in the shadows Jonerys AU

Happy early birthday @youwerenevermine ! 🤭 And Happy early Halloween!

“Jon is my big crazy wild wolf, and we love to chase each other around the house.”

“When I was a human man, I had rosy cheeks, yet in between those cheeks, there was never a smile. And then, one night, everything changed. Dany came through the window and took my life. She opened a window to my soul and let the darkness in.”

Daenerys of Valyria and Count Jon Snow of Winterfell have been together for over 500 years. It’s a love match— Dany fell in love with him and turned him into a vampire so they could be together forever. Jon will do anything for his little bloodsucking dragon— including murdering her reincarnated former boyfriend every single time he appears just to keep her from being sad.

Through thick, thin, lots of dead bodies, a cursed witch hat, random documentarians recording their every move, and living in a falling apart house trying to make their neighbors think they’re normal (even though no one sees them in daylight and they don’t eat or drink anything), these two lovebats always have each other.

[cottoncandysprite]

Lol. Lmao even (Season 4.6 fic spoilers!!!)