#fetus phos

[pinterestmom5]

when you split the heart open

[onarkopi]

Phos X Gem Reader

“Hey Phos, are you willing to help me out with these boxes?” Rutile asked Phos who was wandering around the school.

“Huh? Sure.”

Phos slowly walked their way to one of the boxes and groggily picked it up. Rutile looked over with an annoyed expression as Phos tried to make it clear to Rutile they weren’t feeling good.

“Whats gotten into you?” Rutile finally said.

Phos laid on the box and reached their arm to the air.“Oh, Rutile, I had done something so dumb!” Phos exaggerated.

“Just get with it already.” Rutile sighed.

“I made G/N upset…”

Phos slumped down to the floor in a fetus position. Rutile examined the poor gem’s figure. It seemed as if Phos had not gotten a single sleep at all.

[Riiiiing…]

“Eek! What the heck was that for!? You’re supposed to comfort me!” Phos backed away from Rutile who was now holding a hammer with a blank expression.

“Oh…right. What did you do to make them upset?”

Phos looked down in embarrassment for a minute but soon gained the confidence. Their eyes meeting Rutile’s expressionless face.

“I told them I was gonna fight out there with the rest of the gems.” Phos said.

Rutile did not respond but instead looked at Phos with yet no expression. Phos moved around awkwardly, fidgeting with their fingers. The silence between them was soon broken.

“You’re kidding, right?”

“Why would I be kidding!”

Rutile grabbed a box and placed it on the table.

“Look, how about you go talk it out with them, ok? I mean, with your low hardness you are for sure not the one who’s suitable to be out there. I can see why they’ll be upset. They care about you and your safety; I’m sure they wouldn’t want to lose you.” Rutile said.

Phos looked down in shame. Rutile was right, G/N did really care for them. In fact, they might be the only one who’s actually been concerned for them. Especially during that time when Phos got devoured by a big slug.

G/N was absolutely distraught with the news they received that day. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to go tell them that they have nothing to worry about.

“Alright!” Phos got up with pride and joy. Their hair and eyes shining brightly as Rutile huffs and puts the boxes in the shelf before Phos ran to look for their beloved gem friend.

“Thanks for helping.” Rutile muttered in a sarcastic tone before continuing their work.

~~~~~~~~

G/N was on duty to patrol and keep lookout for any unwanted visitors. Their (E/c) eyes skimming through the sky. They walked through the grassy field and waved at any gems from afar, though, their mind was stuck on a certain someone.

“G/N!”

A sudden voice came out of nowhere in which made G/N completely come back to reality, but unfortunately their reaction was a bit late.

As soon as G/N turned around, a huge crack can be heard from both the gems who had made impact.

“Ah, sorry…” Phos mumbled looking at the crack that had been formed on G/N’s forehead. Phos grabbed their now broken arm that was laying on the grassy plain.

“Be careful, you could’ve damaged yourself even more, or worse, be in the eyes of the lunarians!” G/N pulled Phos up to their feet and pulled them closer, looking out for any enemies. They couldn’t risk any harm being done to them.

“Why are you out here?” G/N questioned Phos.

“A-ah, well, I wanted to go talk to you about yesterday.” Phos looked down to their feet, their eyes darting back in fourth to G/N and the ground.

G/N furrowed their eyebrows but relaxed and smiled. They put their hand on the young gem’s shoulder, squeezing them.

“How about after patrol?”

~~~~~~

The color of h/c lit up the room as the jellyfish swim in the small wooden bowl. G/n was already in their white night gown and waited for Phos to appear on their doorway. Their eyelids heavy as bricks as they try not to fall asleep.

G/n had a feeling that maybe Phos wasn’t gonna show up, but before they could lay their head on the pillow, a mint colored gem was standing right in front of them.

“Ah, you’re here.” G/n yawned out, stretching their out.

Phos sat next to G/n who was still trying to not fall asleep at any moment. Their figure slumping and sitting right back up every time.

“I’ll make this quick!” Phos yelled out.

“When I said I wanted to fight out there, I didn’t mean to make you upset…I just really wanted to be useful,”The glowing light on Phos dimmed.

“I don’t want to do boring stuff, plus I can’t even do any of them right! So I think fighting those lunarians might be a good job for me! Although I’m not strong, I’m sure I can somehow make it.” Phos looked at G/n with pride but also a bit of doubt.

G/n pulled Phos into a hug.

“Phos, you slug! Why risk being a jewelry to the lunarians! You are useful, you have a meaning and although those jobs did not meet your expectations, that does not mean you’re useless! I want you to be safe…” G/n tiredly yelled out.

Phos looked out at the small window, the moon glowing brightly and illuminating around them.

“But you also risk your life out there, G/n.”

“So what? At least it’s not you. I don’t care if I get crushed by them.” G/n held onto Phos tighter.

“H-hey! You mean a lot to me too! I wouldn’t want to lose you, you’re the only gem who at least cared about me.” Phos mumbled under G/n’s night gown.

“I won’t mind risking my life for you, Phos.” G/n said before slumping down on the bed, along with Phos.

Phos stared at the wall.

Their mind was full of questions to G/n.

G/n can risk their life out there, but why can’t they? Phos means a lot to G/n and it makes sense for them to not want their friend to get captured, but what if the opposite happened?

Phos felt absolute dread of the thought of G/n being broken to pieces and lifted up to the lunarians.

“Phos, maybe tomorrow you can come to patrol with me. We can probably fight the lunarians if they arrive tomorrow, I’ll make sure to protect you.” G/n muttered.

Phos looked at G/n in surprise, but before the gem could say anything, G/n was already asleep. Phos examined G/n’s sleeping figure and scooted close to them, wrapping their arms around G/n’s hips.

“If anything were to happen to you, I’ll make sure I make those lunarians pay, or maybe we both can go to the moon.” Phos said to the sleeping G/n.

The light in the room dimmed as both the gems slept.

[tifonbellanariablog]

Weird fiction (reader meets Kato in the weirdest of the places)

Crackfiction ahoy ! Don’t take it seriously as a thriller. Who else loves to discover tiny restaurants in tiny downtown alleys? :D :D I love restaurants, love food...hey, from sorcery/alchemy/handling insects to cooking there’s a thin line. If you want me to continue this weird thing, go ahead! 

A brilliant golden temple surrounds you. You have been to Thailand before. It was that famous spring break vacation all your middle-school and highschool girls had saved during all your shopping mall part-time job. It’s as scorching hot as you remember from the alcoholic haze you have had during your last visit. It’s not that you don’t drink that much, but you’re neither one of those loud drunks. You drink socially, like any other millennial.  

Wearing a tiny skirt with breathable panties and long sleeved tunic with a west cartoon logo, you walk side by side with one of your pen-pals, a girl who knows Bangkok through. 

She was the one who helped you choosing a comfortable but light set of clothes. You had your hair cut short as “messy buns” aren’t really your thing and wasting water isn’t something you’re keen to do. 

After taking a long visit in the Golden Buddha Temple, Par Aromdee takes you to a local pho restaurant she swears by.  It’s in a dark alley even your Google-Maps can’t identify. The name of the restaurant “perfect empire” should set a few alarms. 

Once inside the twenty square-meters restaurant, the spicy mixture of boiling green onions, curry and soy sauce hits you.  It’s when Par Aromdee introduces you to the owner of the restaurant that you feel incredibly hot. For a South-East Asian, he’s awfully tall. You have met guys from Indonesia and Indochina before. Sure, Thailand is a melting pot of cultures, but there is something that seems off about the seven feet tall man in a dark leathery apron and a small transparent mask.

 He kisses your hand after taking the gloves and the transparent mask. His voice is quite deep and his English is mild. You have been teaching Indonesian kids ever since you quit college, you know a little about languages...Even though his intonation and pronunciation are heavily accented, his vocabulary is extensive.  If anything, the man’s accent reminds you of North-Asia, like Korea or China. 

Boiling noodles with eggs and oysters. It’s a perfect combination. The broccoli in this soup are nothing like the ones you are used to eat at home.    

Par Aromdee is slurping what looks like a real duck fetus from a egg. Then, she begins to eat what’s clearly a very spicy stew. 

‘You want something?’ She points at the oysters and the fried bugs. 

You shrug while accepting a small fried grasshopper. 

‘Don’t worry, they’re washed thoroughly before being fried.’

To your surprise, it tastes like shrimps or a crunchy-like nut. 

After the meal, Par Aromdee is given a kiss in the cheeks by a man she seems to know. Thai people aren’t known for being open about PDA. In fact, the restaurant owner nearly coughs up a large bug he was eating alongside one of the blushing, fairer Thai waitresses. 

A romantic music from a Mandarin-speaking movie seems to play in the background. You wonder how a man can walk with a wine-coloured suit and a rain coat and heavy boots with all the heat. 

‘Hey...ahm...This is my boss...not exactly my direct boss, but you know.’ 

‘Pleased to meet you.’ You say in a meek voice, blushing slightly.

You smile while bowing to the man in the large fedora hat. He grins and begins to speak in Thai. Par Aromdee looks petrified. Then, she playfully tries to give him a kick on his rear. She fails. The man merely laughs, his voice booming in the alley. 

The music shifts to a strange but familiar instrument. Violins and accordions, but not in the chords you’re used to. It’s traditional Thai music, but with a hint with western influences. 

‘Coconut water...It cleanses the palate.’ Par Aromdee offers you a glass. ‘I need to return to my job...night shift.’  

‘How long do you think?’

‘It’s a short shift.’ The giant of a man in the dark fedora hat speaks softly.  

‘Take care, Par.’

Par smiles as she playfully kisses the air between both of you. Her lingering perfume of cinnamon and cardamon hangs in the air as she rushes with the man. They nearly dance to the rhythm of the song.  The metallic rustle of metal and something clicking into place is muffled by the music and the noise of cars honking and passing in the closest streets. There are a few street peddlers and vendors yelling, claiming their food is the best. 

The owner of the restaurant sighs while shaking his head, washing the dishes.  

‘Don’t get mixed up with him...’ He comments in an acidic tone. 

‘Drug dealers...’ The young light olive waitress mutters in weak English.

‘I thought Par worked in Unicef, helping girls from poor towns with her skills in French and English.’ 

‘Little Par...That one does all types of jobs.’ The oldest of the waitresses mutters as she puts off her apron in a small racking stack. ‘Mr. Kh...’ She began to speak in Cantonese. The man answered to her fluently. Then, she bowed two times before saying the words you know by heart. It’s a goodbye and hope you don’t work too late. 

[solovolpe]

what would you save your mutuals as on your phone??

ooh, this is fun!! thanks for asking this!

I'm only doing a few mutuals bc otherwise it’ll be a long list

@changbln - Blind ass baby girl😍 (this is already her name on my sc lmao)

@curlychan-dimples - pho pho🔫 (pronounced as pew pew)

@risingsan - brik 2.0

@thetoastycanoli - fetus👶🏽

@hoehyunjin - HOElly

[hopeididntscareyou]

First of all, who the fuck is Lana Condor. She literally looks like some nobody villager from my hometown that gets bullied for being ugly. She will never be a blackpink level. Never will be. Vietnamese people are the most boring bunch of Southeast asians next to indonesians. Vietnam has no culture because commies rightfully eliminated it last Thursday thanks to great Pol Pot. I always hated going to vietnamese restaurant with Jean because I never liked Pho. Its literally the only food vietnamese are known for and if you don't know; its basically cow's stomach lining and camel spider semen in a toilet bowl. Dogs, cats, and aborted human fetus are very popular cuisines in Vietnam. They eat cow's vagina too just like Thailand. Also, contrary to the popular belief, not all vietnamese are good in math, some of them are too dumb they can't comprehend calculus. (Source: dated atleast 2 vietnamese)

On some other note, I love when people pull some passive aggressive shit on me and baaaw like a faggot because I never babysit their pathetic immature behavior. Listen nigga, if you were fuckin Richard Feynman or Nietzsche i would probably give a fuck but since you're just some nobody who literally don't have anything to offer/not bringing any value to my life at ALL, then i don't care so please kindly fuck yourself and come back when you talked to Jesus, you useless sack of weasel shit.

Edit: Everyone else can fuck right off for being passive aggresive except Wil. Wil could abuse me, choke me, put me between his thighs and crush my body and my soul and all I would say is "let me swallow that cum daddy"

Thx for listening to my perverted ted talk

[caveartfair]

Bangkok’s Inventive New Biennial Brings Contemporary Art to Buddhist Temples

Yayoi Kusama, 14 Pumpkins, 2017. Courtesy of Bangkok Biennale.

Dr. Apinan Poshyananda takes great pains to point out the connections between the inaugural Bangkok Art Biennale and the high-profile event upon which it and dozens of similar happenings around the world are modelled. Indeed, it was during the vernissage of last year’s Venice Biennale that the chief executive and artistic director of the Bangkok Art Biennale announced the Thai event at the Westin Europa & Regina hotel, on the banks of the Grand Canal. It was also in Venice that he invited the first artist to participate, Marina Abramović. And, he points out, Bangkok has long been described as “the Venice of the East.”

But that’s a shabby title shared withat least 12 other cities, including Alleppey—close to the Kochi-Muziris Biennale, which kicks off in December—and both Suzhou and Wuzhen, two water towns less than two hours from Shanghai, where another biennale will begin in November. What makes the Bangkok Art Biennale worthwhile is not its fidelity to the model of Venice, but its uniquely Thai context—and that it’s happening at all, in a city where there’s so little government or institutional support for contemporary art.

Anneè Olofsson, Say Hello Then Wave Goodbye, 2004. Courtesy of Bangkok Biennale.

The Bangkok Art Biennale, on view through February 3, 2019, presents artworks by 75 artists in 20 locations best reached by some combination of motorbike taxi, elevated rail, and ferry rides up and down the city’s great aorta, the Chao Phraya River. The spot with the highest concentration of works is the ailing Bangkok Art and Culture Center (BACC), a multi-story, museum-like space surrounded by shopping malls. During a speech at the opening of the biennale, Pawit Mahasarinand, director of the BACC, said, “As you’ve heard in the news, we’re experiencing some budget problems, but this place is still brimming with creativity.” Less than a month earlier, the BACC had reduced its opening hours due to budget constraints. He concluded his remarks with a plea: “Please support art, please help support BACC, and please send a message to everybody that art is important, and we need art in this city.”

For all the institution’s difficulties, the works at the BACC are engaging and diverse. On the eighth floor, eight artists enact solo performances, a method of artmaking that’s integral to creative scenes in Southeast Asia, where resources are often limited and regimes repressive. Abramović herself is not performing, but the Marina Abramović Institute is carrying out a kind of mass-meditation, fitting for what’s in many ways a Buddhist biennial. After locking away their smartphones and watches, it’s the audience who is made present through a series of mindfulness exercises and a heavy duty pair of 3M headphones.

More works are gathered on the seventh floor, including Anneè Olofsson’s video Say Hello Then Wave Goodbye (2004), which shows a frozen black-ink cast of the artist melting onto canvas. At first white with frost, the figure quickly turns black, an accelerated mummification, before ending, in Olofsson’s words, “like a fetus.” The Swedish artist was invited to participate in the Bangkok Art Biennale after taking part in a 2002 show Poshyananda curated called “Beyond Paradise,” which brought Scandinavian artists to Bangkok. Sixteen years later, Olofsson’s work is a good fit for this biennial’s related theme, “Beyond Bliss,” clearly marking out bliss’s limits—with cold, Scandinavian literalism—at birth and death.

Kawita Vatanajyankur, Shuttle, 2018. Courtesy of Bangkok Biennale.

The Bangkok Art Biennale explores the theme of “Beyond Bliss” in very different venues where we might seek it out: shopping malls, five-star hotels, and some of the city’s most prominent temples. The theme at once alludes to a basic precept of Buddhism—to detach oneself from pleasure and pain as a means to transcend suffering—and the hedonism associated with visiting Thailand’s beaches, full moon parties, and red-light districts.

“The government would not talk about nocturnal tourism so much,” Poshyananda said, “but ‘Beyond Bliss’ touches both,” alluding to bliss as both a Buddhist precept and a tourism strategy. He mentions Chumpon Apisuk’s video I Have Dreams (2018), in which sex workers state their disparate ambitions, and Imhathai Suwatthanasilp’s No More Sewing Machine (2018), which incorporates the hair of sex workers, as things the government would never choose to show.

Giving voice to female sex workers is part of the Bangkok Art Biennale’s strong showing of feminist work, especially by women from Southeast Asia. Nge Lay created a large-scale sculpture of a vagina out of women’s longyi, the skirts worn by both men and women in her native Myanmar, and invites visitors to step through it. “Men in Myanmar are afraid to touch [women’s longyi], or even to see them hanging higher than the men’s longyi,” she says.

Choi Jeong Hwa, Love Me Pink Pig, 2013. Courtesy of Bangkok Biennale.

And at the beautiful, crumbling East Asiatic Building, Thai-Australian artist Kawita Vatanajyankur makes herself into tools associated with female labor. Shot in a saturated, graphic style reminiscent of juice ads, the videos show her taking deep breaths before her head and upper torso are dipped into red dye, which colors white thread gathered on her head. It’s waterboarding as women’s work. Alongside her videos, Vatanajyankur will perform in person, making her body into a shuttle and throwing it back and forth through a purpose-built loom to create a weaving. Initially, a mattress was put in place to soften her fall, but “I asked her to remove the mattress,” Poshyananda said.

That such works may have Western analogs and precedents in feminist art doesn’t diminish their urgency in Asia, where sexism is omnipresent. Asked whether the Bangkok Art Biennale is a consciously feminist biennale, Poshyananda laughed and pointed to Aurèle Ricard’s LostDog Ma Long (2018), a giant, gold-leaf-coated canine sat outside the Mandarin Oriental hotel. “Well, that’s very male,” he said. Most of the oversized sculptures at the Bangkok Art Biennale are indeed by male artists—the sort of eye-catching, artistic equivalents of dick pics that demand you acknowledge how big they are. There’s another dog by Yoshitomo Nara, for instance, and Choi Jeong Hwa’s inflatables Love Me Pig (2013), Fruit Tree (2017), and Breathing Flower (2016). “It’s not intentional to have more or equal numbers of female artists,” Poshyananda said. “We had open calls. It happens that their works are so strong.”

Thailand nevertheless remains, in many ways, a socially conservative place. At the Jim Thompson House Museum, for instance—a tourist site—guides elect not to show the bathrooms. Feet are considered socially unclean. There’s a strong separation between the sacred and the profane, but art is often both. Yet the Bangkok Art Biennale chooses to spotlight contemporary art in holy, heritage sites like Wat Arun, Wat Pho, and Wat Prayurawongsawas Waraviharn (a.k.a. the Temple of the Iron Fence).

Choi Jeong Hwa, Fruit Tree, 2017. Courtesy of Bangkok Biennale.

“We chose the most important temples in Bangkok, where 6,000 people go a day,” Poshyananda explained. “I’ve done a lot of talking with abbots, I tell you.” To allay their misgivings, he asked them to consider the art already in the temples. “That’s why Wat Pho and Wat Arun are so attractive—because of the art, okay, as well as religion and faith and all that. But the reclining Buddha is a masterpiece made by artisans.”

Of all the works installed in the Wats, the most cunning is Jitsing Somboon’s #Faithway (2018). Visiting the reclining Buddha, tourists are already given a sort of role to perform—rules of engagement, a route, and even attitudinal cues (“Beware of pickpockets!”). Somboon makes the experience more elaborate by providing costumes to visitors who choose to wear them: white coveralls—like something Supreme might design for freezing workers—that protect them from pickpockets and offer deep pockets in which to carry their shoes. Printed on the back in Thai, English, or Chinese is the word “faith.” Other highlights showing in the temples include Nino Sarabutra’s WHAT WILL WE LEAVE BEHIND? (2012)—a group of 125,000 porcelain skulls placed on the floor of the Temple of the Iron Fence’s corridors—and Sanitas Pradittasnee’s Across the Universe and Beyond (2018), a red acrylic box inspired by the red skies of Buddhist murals.

Already, the biennale is being trumpeted as a great success by young Thai artists. “We haven’t had this much artwork here before,” Vatanajyankur said. “The BACC is our only devoted art space. Now it’s everywhere. This is beyond my expectations.”

Nino Sarabutra, WHAT WILL WE LEAVE BEHIND?, 2012.Courtesy of Bangkok Biennale.

Sanitas Pradittasnee, Across the Universe and Beyond, 2018. Courtesy of Bangkok Biennale.

Gesturing towards vendors selling food and drink along Oriental Avenue, near the Mandarin Oriental, Poshyananda said his metric of success is when people, such as the vendors, know what the Bangkok Art Biennale is. “Maybe it means they can sell 100 more bowls of noodles because of the people who come visit, that’s fine,” he said. But beyond that, he hopes to reach people who wouldn’t otherwise encounter contemporary art. “My benchmark is how many people can enjoy art who don’t get a lot of chances to do that,” he added.

There’s a precariousness to an inaugural biennial. In a sense, there’s no such thing—it only becomes a biennial when the second event successfully takes place two years later. With limited government support, corporate sponsorship has been key. Thapana Sirivadhanabhakdi, the CEO of drinks giant ThaiBev, is, for example, the chairman and co-founder of the Bangkok Art Biennale Foundation. A major testament to Poshanandya’s achievements, ThaiBev and other key sponsors have all signed up for the next two editions—in 2020 and 2022—and even the abbots have indicated they’d like to be involved in future editions. “Oh yeah,” Poshanandya said. “They want some of our pieces.”

from Artsy News

[notjustbacon]

Can we get to Sóc Sơn?

Preface: It has been brought to my attention by a rather important critic (who shall remain nameless) that my posts up till this point have pivoted closer to Trip Advisor reviews rather than personal accounts of my experiences... Well, dayum... I have got to fix that. So I've decided to switch it up with my 4th WorkAway experience. Yes, that's right FOURTH!

Did we get to Sóc Sơn? Yes, but let's paint the scene: Alex and I had just trekked 52 kilometers through Sapa: a land so beautiful that pictures could never do it justice and a place where you must get local guides to take you through - it's  pretty much the law. Stay tuned for a full post, but here's a sneak peak pic:

It was quite a journey just to get to our 4th WorkAway (located about 30 minutes from Hanoi, Vietnam) and that's what this post is about. The first leg involved being strapped into the top row of a 6-hour sleeper bus - not the fancy and roomy Sapa Express either. Our Inter Bus Lines bus was bumpy, packed to the brim, and a little unstable. Especially in the top middle seat where Alex laid/sat. The only advantage to the middle seat is more head room. While I had a wall to hold onto and brace myself against, I got a few bumps to my forehead along the way from the bus catching air. They weren't the worst seats though... those could be found in the very back of the bus. The worst seats were 5 side by sides (top row). Just looking at those seats made me cringe. If we took a corner too fast or bumped through some potholes the back five were popping all over the place like lotto balls. It's as if the bus had been put through a hot wash cycle and came out just a bit more snug than we had remembered... Or wished.

On the plus side, we did end up making friends with Brandon (a fellow traveler from Malaysia) who hooked us up with a charger while traveling. It was pretty lucky that we sat next to him and found out that his Huawei phone (appropriately named, sounds like WOWie) charger fit our Nexus phone. Zero of our friends have chargers that fit our phone because it has the weird USB-c plug... Sort of an anomaly. But here, halfway around the world, we meet Brandon who has a charger that he's willing to share. What a guy. Like many travelers we've met, Sapa was just one of a handful of stops he was making. We spent the remainder of the trip charging up, bonding over bumps and exchanging funny stories. Brandon fully supported our choice to skip the traditional route of buying a house for traveling around the world. As he put it, "I believe you've got to do what you want. Whatever makes you happy. You know?" Easy enough to remember, and straight to the point. I liked meeting Brandon, he was wise, succinct and hilarious. We all ended up friending each other on Facebook and wishing safe travels at his bus stop. Traveling bonus: it is a great way to make friends. Each of us can feel just a little out of our element and a little bit into it, leaving some space to fill in with new people and new experiences.

After reaching the last stop, we grabbed our bags, picked up the rest of our luggage and hired a taxi. I had emailed my host numerous times to request an address, but for some unknown reason, she was only able to give me a few directions to the general area of the school. I tried Google maps, but couldn't really come up with a whole lot. In my last email to her, I asked, "What should I tell the taxi driver?" She replied that I should show the driver the following paragraph... Which (with no Vietnamese) I was able to deduce was the directions she had given me (in Vietnamese) and a request for the driver to call her for further instructions... Strange, but maybe this is the way things are done. I sent off the email to Alex's folks and did enough internet sleuthing to feel fairly confident that we weren't getting into a dangerous situation, but it was still weird.

Once hired, the taxi driver stared at my host's message, asked, "Sóc Sơn?" We confirmed and he started driving toward our destination.  About 45 minutes into the journey, he called our host. The conversation gradually picked up in volume and emphasis and then suddenly ended. In total, he made about 4 u-turns, then apologized and called her again. We made it to the front gates of the school just over five minutes later. He dialed her number once more and handed it over to me.  "Hello? Alice?!" She asked. "Yes, Victoria? This is Alice," I replied. "Oh hello. Yes. Please wait. My sister and little brother will come to pick up you and take you. I'm at my mother's. I will come take you back to the school in an hour. Yes please," She said. At least that's what we thought she said in our minute long chat. I told her, "Okay." And shrugged when she hung up. We tipped our cab driver about 25% for his troubles, thanked him and waved goodbye. Alex and I stood there at the front gates of the school at 9:45 pm, just half-aware of our current situation, and laughed that this was all part of our adventure.

A few minutes later, a car pulled up with two adults and two kids filling it... I was crossing my fingers that this was Victoria's sister. A vivacious woman stepped out of the car waving her arms around, "Sorry. Sorry. I Victoria's sister!" Yes, we had made the connection. We were introduced to Boong Boong (Victoria's sister), her two children (Ming Ming and Kim Phuong), and Nace. Nace is a Slovienian volunteer who had been volunteering with the school for two weeks already. He stood by to help bridge the communication between us and Boong Boong. While she could speak English well enough, she admitted that she was too nervous to speak much at a time. After finding out that we hadn't had dinner, Boong Boong said she was going to take us somewhere to eat, we thanked her profusely and agreed that a late dinner would be a good idea. She told us that she didn't have the key to the gate (allowing us into our room), but the rest of the school was open so we could put our stuff in Nace's room. Since our bags are about the size of two small humans, we agreed to stash them away (removing our passports of course), climbed into the back of her Toyota sedan and made our way to a restaurant.

It was a little crazy to leave our stuff in a stranger's room, hop into another stranger's car, and to trust that we were going somewhere - even if we didn't know where it was, but this was a growing experience. Alex often reminds me of his mantra he picked up from Lao Tzu, "A good traveller has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving." This was definitely chiming in my ears as we sat three adults deep, shoulder-shuffled in the back seat of the car. The two kiddos were fiercely afraid of us and begged to share the front seat with their mother. They were even moved to tears when Boong Boong finally said, "It is better for you to go back. Go in the back." We willfully agreed and the kids, happy as clams, shared the front passenger seat.

The six of us pulled up to a Pho restaurant and Boong Boong ordered us a few tasty bowls. Boong Boong asked if we like egg, we nodded, then she asked, "Do you like chicken?" We both said yes. I started to wonder, do they sometimes put egg in their pho? If you're shaking your head and feeling a little squeemish, then you must know what's coming. Minutes later we were served two bowls of pho gha and each an oversized hard-boiled egg... Um well, no. It was actually a Vietnamese delicacy: a chicken fetus. NOOOOOO!! NOOOOOO! Fuck, deep breath, fuck... I came to realize that we had ordered this inadvertently when we said we like eggs. We tried to eat a bite or two of the yolky section, but couldn't bring ourselves to eat any more of it. We just focused on our pho and let our host we were full by the end of our meal. She said that we had one more stop... So we all got into the car again and headed down the street.

It's very common for Vietnamese people to take their coffee at night, but this is not something Alex and I do, because... we won't sleep if we do this after 11 am. Either way, Boong Boong was feeling some coffee and the need to keep us full while we waited for Victoria. Even in this short excursion, it was clear to Alex and I that the family knows everyone in this town and that they are very well liked. People sitting at tables said hello, wanted to know who we were, and even wanted to take photos with us. Nace said this is normal since Sóc Sơn is away from the main city and not very many tourists make their way out here. He said, "Prepare to be famous. You are now local celebrity." This has happened so quickly, I thought. But, hey, I don't mind being liked. So I smiled and posed for pictures. Alex and I shared a mango smoothie, some sunflower seeds, and shredded cow jerky while the whole group chatted for another hour. By now, it was almost 11 pm... Alex and I were really about to fall over in exhaustion. Luckily, Boong Boong recognized the signs of fatigue and called Victoria to see if she was at the school yet. She let us know that we could start heading over there and that we would meet Victoria soon. In less than 15 minutes we had arrived at the school, grabbed our bags, said good night to the crew, met Victoria, and found our room.

After such a long and adventurous day (16 hours since the time we left Sapa), we weren't needing much to actually fall asleep. We changed into some light clothes, locked our door, and fell straight asleep. We had hoped to sleep until at least 7 am so that we were prepared for a day with rambunctious kiddos.

Unfortunately, there were other plans for us... To be continued in Working in Sóc Sơn.

[shaunstoffer]

What brought me to Vietnam? Quite simply I was told it was the place to be. I had been teaching English in my hometown of Orlando, Florida in the USA for several months and grew mixed feelings about continuing teaching in the States when I saw that most of my fellow teachers didn’t enjoy it for one reason or another such as low-salaries, regular overtime hours, or poor treatment. So I sought out options for something more where I could combine my passions of English, teaching, and traveling with my more outgoing and unorthodox teaching style. I loathe teachers who do everything textbook and seldom do games or activities, in my opinion that is the whole point of being a teacher – to make learning fun.

It took me little time before I found a TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) course in a language school in Prague, Czech Republic. I signed up, parted ways with my current schools, sold a fair amount of my more valuable possessions such as my PlayStation 3, and brought just a suitcase and a backpack. I wasn’t happy with my performance during the month long, on-site course but passed and became certified to teach English as a foreign language. Then I came to the realization that I really was all in and had to either return home with my tail between my legs or find a place to build a new life from scratch.

My entire plan was to live and teach in Prague but something about it just didn’t quite excite me. I liked Europe but I didn’t love it, it just simply didn’t give me that spark that you either have instantly or don’t have at all. I was more keen towards Africa, the Middle East, and Asia because for some weird reason I think there was more there for me there. None were necessarily better but I felt I would find more purpose there and I intently looked for cities and countries which were poorer or had more problems on a social or economic level. I didn’t want a permanent vacation, I wanted a real insight to life in a country where it isn’t all glamour and sunshine and rainbows. Vietnam was that diamond in the rough for me.

Vietnam truly straddles third world and luxury.

Vietnam is unlike any place I’ve ever been. North America, Europe, and Singapore have little in common with a developing third world country like Vietnam. Vietnam mostly practices Hinduism, is communist, and straggles a blend of third world and luxury. So much that you can literally be in a cocktail bar in a skyscraper with a strict dress code and cross the street and be eating pho and drinking Tiger beer outside in a plastic chair the next.

Cockfights: It’s all too common to see roosters in cages such as this. It’s a common form of entertainment throughout Vietnam but obviously seen as inhumane to many.

The water is unsafe to drink in Vietnam due to the high metal content and the absurd amount of loitering and pollution. All water must be store brought or boiled before using for drinking or cooking.

Saigon Sports Club:

Eating dog is a real thing in Vietnam but is more common in the north side where the locals are much more old-fashioned. I’ve thought long and hard about eating dog as an argument can be made that some people treat cows as holy but Americans see them as little more than livestock who are typically treated horribly. My main issue is that several believe that animals like dog must suffer before killing them to eat because the adrenaline and hormones triggered by pain and fear cause the meat to become more flavorful and nutritious. Therefore dogs being skinned or boiled alive is not uncommon to hear about although I have been fortunate enough to not see it firsthand during my short time in Ho Chi Minh City.

Another issue that is common in Vietnam is dog-napping where pet dogs are stolen and then ransomed, resold, or killed for dog meat. As a result seeing dog parks or dogs being walked casually is not very common in HCMC.

On the other hand, you can eat just about anything in Vietnam, squid, stingray, eel, frog, snail, duck – almost any kind of meat you can buy from a commercial market like a Co.opmart, a specialty market, or a street market.

Fresh coconuts are definitely one of my favorite things to have in Vietnam:

Nearly born chicken eggs, pretty much a fetus that I eat with peppers and lime. (Left) Fresh stingray at the market. (Right)

Vietnam boasts many odd fruits such as pomelo, jackfruit, and green oranges that I am slowly encountering and learning about over time. Many locals eat their fruit with either chili salt or white sugar.

  Teaching in Vietnam I teach toddlers as young as three to teenagers as old as seventeen. Ho Chi Minh City is divided into several districts mostly by number. The center where I began working is district one which is considered the city center. I now live in district seven but work in Tan Phu district, around a thirty minute drive on a motorbike with typical traffic.

The districts of Saigon:

Some of my views from my center in district one.

Turtle Lake: Most believe this structure was intended to be a torch but it is in fact meant to be an upside down sword plunged into the tail of the dragon of South Vietnam that needed to be controlled.

Notre Dame Cathedral:

Ben Thanh Market:

One of my favorite pastimes in Vietnam is to shoot pool, drink beer, and practice my Vietnamese with local girls. This particular place, Clb Angel Billiards off of Le Lai is the perfect place for this on top of great food, cheap beer, and free roaming puppies.

Babylon Bar:

Jolly Jocks Sports Bar:

Bui Vien (pronounced like Spanish’s “muy bien”) is the infamous backpacker’s street where expats, backpackers, and foreigners go to party and meet locals who want to meet foreigners. It’s essentially downtown’s shit show where a lot of fun and bad things happen. You can find drugs, sex, and just about anything you can imagine here and you can get it all as long as you have the money.

Little Chair Coffeeshop:

I quite literally live off of a bridge across from RMIT University which straddles the invisible train tracks between luxury and poverty. I go one way on the bridge I will see skyscrapers, malls, and western bars. The other way and I will see street vendors, dirt roads, and rundown boat houses.

The luxury side of district seven from outside of my balcony.

My backyard:

Shopping areas like Crescent Mall and markets are a big hit in cities like Ho Chi Minh City as few other places can rival the convenience of one location boasting a supermarket, stores with international brands, a movie theater, and of course a variety of coffeeshops and foods to eat in the food court.

Cau Anh Sao/Starlight Bridge: A light-up bridge who colors change frequently walking distance from Crescent Mall that is quite popular for couples wanting a late night stroll.

Getting around in Vietnam there are two primary ways: buy or rent a motorbike OR use taxis such as the popular local Grabbike or well-known Uber. Cars aren’t uncommon in HCMC (Ho Chi Minh City) but the majority of locals and expats ride a motorbike as it is much cheaper and easier to drive in the city in some ways. Traffic in HCMC is on the level of No Man’s Land. You “can” drive on the sidewalk, the wrong side of the road, or run a red light no problem. It’s very intimidating driving, navigating, and even crossing the road initially. The main two concepts that helped me to adapt to driving a motorbike in Vietnam were these two simple facts of life here: the bigger vehicle has the right of way and everyone drives like an idiot. As a foreigner you will always be at fault on the road so unfortunately it is heavily implied no matter who’s fault an accident is, it’s better to drive off.

One such incident occurred where I was easing into the left lane at a freshly turned red light. Because red lights can be run in Vietnam without repercussion another biker decided to run it at full speed directly into the lane I was easing into. He honked and we caught it too late as he was going too fast to stop. I pulled my bike over to the right and he pulled his to his left. I was reluctant to not have much more than a scratch but he had fallen with a hard thud and the sound of shattered glass. As I said before the unfortunate truth is that in Vietnam, especially if you’re a foreigner, you are inclined to drive away from an accident because you will be put at fault no matter whose it actually was. I’m ashamed to say that’s what I did.

Another incident occurred to a friend who was on a Grabbike and her driver was an old man with no teeth, her words not mine. During rush hour traffic is bumper to bumper and as a result it’s hard to see potholes. He hit one and she got ejected. Thankfully she learned how to fall properly from training Brazilian jujitsu and had no serious injuries albeit the driver didn’t offer her much besides saying sorry.

Literally the only unconditional law strictly enforced is to wear a helmet if you’re on a motorbike. You can see four people on a motorbike as long as they all have a helmet on no problem. You can potentially not have a driver’s license, be driving drunk, and not have your lights on, but as long as you have a helmet on the likeliness of getting pulled over is slim. (I may or may not be speaking from experience.)

Police typically target foreigners to pull over and will threaten to take your motorbike, arrest you, and then some. Nine times out of ten they just want a bribe. The unspoken course of action is to speak very bad English, lock your bike, and give them 200.000 dong or around $8-9 US. Most experienced expats call it an unfortunate rite of passage in Vietnam, it’s just the reality for foreigners.

Safety: Taking pictures in Vietnam is the best worst idea because theft is the most common crime. Having your bag being pulled off someone on a bike, being drugged and having your things taken, or having your phone snatched while being photogenic is a common sad tale in HCMC. This is why you will seldom see a selfie stick as well as a backpack or purse being carelessly strung over one shoulder in HCMC. Albeit, Vietnam is generally pretty safe as long as you stay aware and use your common sense, unfortunately common sense isn’t so common for a lot of people nowadays. At best you might lose a haggle at the market, at worst you could be on the wrong side of a machete. The thing about the Vietnamese is they are not cowards albeit being small. The worst weapon a Vietnamese can have against is their phone. You can beat one Vietnamese but when they have their phone you will soon be dealing six more with pipes and machetes.

The language is not east to say the least. Vietnamese has eleven vowels as opposed to English’s five, Vietnamese does not have multiple syllables so every word will not have more than one, and Vietnamese is also all about pitch, so when you have a deep, American accent like me, it makes it that much harder to learn and especially speak. The best part about Vietnamese? The north and south have two different dialects. So you may become fluent in one part of Vietnam can be utterly impossible to understand in the other. Luckily, HCMC is located in the center of Vietnam so I get a mixture of both.

I firmly believe a sense of humor is necessary in teaching, without out you’re merely a robot. So I dress up like a Matrix or Men in Black character regularly.

Some of my smart teens from one of my first classes in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam.

My super juniors:

Crash Course: Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam What brought me to Vietnam? Quite simply I was told it was the place to be. I had been teaching English in my hometown of Orlando, Florida in the USA for several months and grew mixed feelings about continuing teaching in the States when I saw that most of my fellow teachers didn't enjoy it for one reason or another such as low-salaries, regular overtime hours, or poor treatment.

[megaquyenphamme-blog]

Five Vietnamese dishes that have got global gourmets talking

Vietnam awesome travel food - Let's rule out 'pho' and sample the rising stars of Vietnamese cuisine. Bun cha, "cursing rice noodles", snails, duck embryos and banh mi - ever heard of them? They've been catching the attention of foreign visitors of late, and some have already made it onto the international culinary stage. Regardless of their sheer weirdness or genuine quality, these dishes have moved the country's culinary reputation on past the traditional pho. 'Bun cha' Bun cha never used to be a real competitor against other famous street foods, such as banh mi, pho and cuon (spring rolls). It was only popular in Hanoi because in other cities, even Saigon, people had never heard of it. But the dish’s destiny has taken a turn. This is best food in Hanoi. After the visit of former U.S. President Obama to Vietnam in 2016, bun cha (noodles with grilled pork) stirred up a social media frenzy, and now the dish is renowned among international visitors. Unlike other favorites that contain secret spices like pho, the ingredients for bun cha are easy to find and the recipe is not that complicated. All you need is sweet and sour smoky broth, barbecued minced pork patties and soft white rice noodles, along with a lettuce, cilantro and herb garnish. Cursing rice noodles This is the name that world-renowned chef Anthony Bourdain, who accompanied Obama on his bun cha experience, calls the noodle shop on Ngo Si Lien Street in Hanoi. The place is known for its sharp-tongued owner, a middle-aged lady who does not pull any verbal punches when talking to her customers. Bourdain's bizarre eatery experience at the shop, which stirred mixed opinions among Vietnamese viewers, was featured on the second episode of CNN food show Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown. Following the episode, more people have ironically been flocking to the shop out of curiosity, and its popularity has grown. After all, bowl of vermicelli noodles, pig's tongue and ground pork, peppered with some tasty language, must be worth a try. Otherwise, all the debate over "dignity or food" surrounding the shop would never have started in the first place. Snails Vietnamese people love to eat snails, but will only dig into a certain species. They eat oc (Vietnamese freshwater snails), which are smaller and chewier than their land-based cousins. Cooked snails are arranged neatly in a bowl of white rice noodles with fried tofu and fresh herbs, and the dish is finished with a hot, sweet and sour broth that is poured over the cold ingredients. For the final touch, a few slices of cooked tomato are placed on top. In many countries, snails have a slimy, unhygienic stigma attached to them. Many foreign guests are somewhat hesitant when they're asked to try them for the first time, and some even react with a disgusted: “Eww!” However, with a variety of cooking methods, from boiled and steamed to fried with pepper, garlic and chili, this folk dish has "reached new heights" and fascinates many visitors from far-flung places. 'Bread' Vietnamese people consider banh mi a common dish. A baguette with various fillings which may not necessarily follow any certain pattern. Standard stuffings include meat, which can be grilled pork, meatballs or cold cuts, with cucumber slices, cilantro, pickled carrots, liver pâté and a swipe of mayonnaise. Banh mi is actually one of the best-selling dishes among foreigners visiting Vietnam, with many even hailing it as the best sandwich in the world. While banh mi has become increasingly popular and easy to find in many countries, the best place to eat one is still on the streets of Saigon. Duck embryos Trung vit lon, duck eggs with the embryos inside, are a popular street delicacy across Vietnam. They can be boiled, stir-fried, tossed or poached in soup. However, this unconventional dish can be a real challenge for many foreigner visitors in terms of both ordering and consuming. It’s easy – at least for non-Vietnamese – to mispronounce the name for a fetal duck egg as something quite rude, so perhaps it’s best to just point at the eggs, unless your Vietnamese is tone-perfect. Besides, the feeling of snacking on a baby duck can spook some people. But for those who take the duck fetus challenge, they may find its richness to their liking, especially when combined with salt, pepper, lemon and Vietnamese coriander. Nutritionists also say they're good for your health. Saigon street food Saigon is considered by many visitors as one of Asia's culinary heavyweights, and its name rings out besides the likes of Bangkok (Thailand) and Penang (Malaysia). Street food in Saigon is rich in variety and flavor, and is sold from early morning until late at night. Most snacks cost less than VND45,000 (about $2), but still promise to satisfy even the most difficult diner. Recently, CNN Travel aired a short film introducing street food in Saigon that was viewed and shared thousands of times in just two days.

[pinterestmom5]

I made a wall of all the times I’ve drawn phos’s face from HNK! I think this is all within one year…? I’ve been meaning to compile them for a while now… Cheers to many more phos in the future!

[surveyjunkie]

Have you ever been proposed to? No. What would you consider your life to be? Good.  Can you think of one person you call anytime and you know they will help? Yeah. What is your favorite mark of punctuation? !!!!!!! << Can you roll your tongue into a clover? Nope. How much Irish do you have in you? 0.

Ever looked into your family heritage? Yes.  Does the band Seventh Day Slumber appear on your iPod? No. What kind of computer do you have? Acer Do you know anyone who’s name is Noah? Yes.  When is the last time you ate a bagel? Weeks ago Ever shopped at Rue 21? Yes.  Do you think you have ever been in love? If so, with whom? Yes How many surveys do you take in a day? 1-2. Sometimes more if I’m extremely bored.  What size shoe do you wear? 8 This weekend, did you see “that” someone that makes you smile? I live with him, so yes Why did you last cry? I was in physical pain.  Be honest, who is the easiest person in your life to talk to? Josh :) Has anyone made you feel like crap lately for something they did? I can’t think of anything. When was the last time you took a nap? I don’t know, I don’t really take naps anymore. I always feel groggy and gross after them.  Do you think about anyone before you go to bed? Yes.  Do you like road trips? YES. Do you tend to waste a lot of money? Yeah :/ I shop online way too much, but it’s hard when I have so much free time at work.  Is it usually easy for someone to make you smile? Yeah.  Is tomorrow going to be a good day? Here’s hoping.  Ever cried on the phone to somebody? Yes. Who’s hoodie did you wear last? Mine Would you say you’re an understanding person? Very. Too much sometimes.  Do you hate being alone? Yes. But I also love it. I have a weird relationship with solidarity.  Is your room clean? It is now Do you use chapstick? Yes. Are you dating the last person you said, “I love you” to? Yeah. Were you happy when you woke up today? Noo, my alarm never woke me up so I slept in way too late and I was in a frenzy when I woke up Do you believe that if you want something bad enough you’ll get it? Yeah, because you’ll fight for it. Would you ever smile at a stranger? I do that at work.  Do you know anyone who is pregnant? Not right now Would you rather sleep for 3 days, or stay awake for 3 days? Sleep.  Would you rather choose truth, or dare while playing “truth or dare”? Truth. Do you like someone? Yes. Do you miss the way things use to be? Certain things, yes.  How’s your love life? Wonderful. How often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking? Very often. The last person you texted is the person a he or a she? He. Would you rather text or MSN? Text hahaha how old is this survey.  Could you go a day without eating? Nooooooo. That’d be torture for me.  Do you think you’ll be married in 10 years? I hope so. Ever cried till you threw up? A couple of times.  Have you ever slept in the same bed as your friend? Yes. Do you use the word ‘epic’ daily? That’s the name of the medical record system I use at work, so, yes, technically I do, but I barely use it as an adjective.  Do you get freaked out when you’re in the dark? No, I just get annoyed because I can’t see anything Will you have sexual intercourse within the next week or two? Probably.  Is there anything you should be worried about? My dog, he’s been having tummy issues. The older he gets the more I worry about things like that.  You’re up after 3 AM, what’s the reason? I can’t sleep. Who was the last person to text you “hello”? No idea What were you doing 2 hours ago? I was in a meeting What will/did you do today? I’ve been running around all day at work today, and once I get off I’m going to the grocery store then back home with Josh

Is smoking a turn off? No.  Has a boyfriend/girlfriend ever put alcohol/drugs before you? My ex did.  Are you someone who enjoys seeking attention from others? I like getting attention but I’m by no means an attention seeker Why aren’t you dating the last person who you texted? I am. How open are you with people, out of 10? 4 Do you enjoy reading? Not really  What is your dream car? A jeep or Honda CRV. I just love small SUVs. 

Do you like Olive Garden? I’m obsessed with their salad and breadsticks, their entrees are meh in comparison, but it’s still decent.  Are you thinking about someone right now? Yes. What was the last thing you ate? A cookie Were you single on your last birthday? Technically. Are your nails painted? No Does seeing couples in love make you mad? No. It makes me happy.  Have you ever felt like you literally needed someone? Always.  Has anybody told you that you have nice eyes? Yes. Do you wish that you were somewhere else right now? Yeah. Is the person you last texted single? No. Is your birthday on a holiday? No. It’s four days away from independence day though.  What are you wearing on your feet? Black flats Last dream you had: It was terrible and strange. Basically, Josh had benjamin button syndrome and was aging backwards at a very fast rate, meaning he was basically going to turn into a fetus and die. I remember waking up in a cold sweat and then being like “wtf?” Who did you last yell at and why? Josh, I feel bad. We were getting tense about cleaning up the dog puke last night.  What your favorite thing to have on toast? Butterrrr Did you eat a cookie today? Yes.  Are your bedroom walls a different color than white? No. What’s the last thing you touched, other than your computer? My face. What if someone asked you to be in a relationship with them? I’m in one already.  Are you too hot, too cold or just right at the moment? Just right. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? Depends

Will you be in a relationship in the next month? I hate this question. Like. Probably but you can never say yes because no matter how strong your relationship is nobody can predict the future. But for the hell of it, I’ll just say yes.  How old are you? 24 Do you plan on taking your husband’s last name if you ever marry? Yes. At what age did you get the sex talk? I never got it. What’s your favorite kind of alcohol? Wineeeee.  Ever been in a near death situation? Explain: Nope.  Do you live near the ocean? Nope. Do you cry easily? Kinda.  How many kids do you want to have, if any? 1-2 Where did you go on your last date? Iron Chef Are you a virgin? No. Do you smoke cigarettes? Just when I drink What do you think about long distance relationships? They’re extremely tough, but if you really truly love that person you can make it work.  Is the area you live in more liberal or conservative? I live in Ohio. It’s split down the middle.  Have you ever intentionally harmed yourself? No What’s in your pocket right now? Nothing Are you currently barefoot? No.  Eating or drinking anything? What? Water Do you keep anything from a past relationship? (gifts, letters, etc) I have a letter from my high school boyfriend. It’s hilarious so I kept in my drawer. My current boyfriend thinks it’s funny too.  Are you tan? Yeah.  How many siblings do you have? Names? 1, D.  What would you do if you were pregnant now? Freak the fuck out.  Why do people stay in abusive relationships? Have you ever been in one? Because it’s NOT that easy to leave. Yes. << How many piercings do you have and what? 1 naval, 4 ear.  Have you ever tried pho? Yes.  What’s your favorite day of the week? Saturday Do you know anyone who’s bipolar? Me, probably.  Do you have a lot of emotional baggage? I’m just an emotional person overall

[shaunstoffer]

What brought me to Vietnam? Quite simply I was told it was the place to be. I had been teaching English in my hometown of Orlando, Florida in the USA for several months and grew mixed feelings about continuing teaching in the States when I saw that most of my fellow teachers didn’t enjoy it for one reason or another such as low-salaries, regular overtime hours, or poor treatment. So I sought out options for something more where I could combine my passions of English, teaching, and traveling with my more outgoing and unorthodox teaching style. I loathe teachers who do everything textbook and seldom do games or activities, in my opinion that is the whole point of being a teacher – to make learning fun.

It took me little time before I found a TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) course in a language school in Prague, Czech Republic. I signed up, parted ways with my current schools, sold a fair amount of my more valuable possessions such as my PlayStation 3, and brought just a suitcase and a backpack. I wasn’t happy with my performance during the month long, on-site course but passed and became certified to teach English as a foreign language. Then I came to the realization that I really was all in and had to either return home with my tail between my legs or find a place to build a new life from scratch.

My entire plan was to live and teach in Prague but something about it just didn’t quite excite me. I liked Europe but I didn’t love it, it just simply didn’t give me that spark that you either have instantly or don’t have at all. I was more keen towards Africa, the Middle East, and Asia because for some weird reason I think there was more there for me there. None were necessarily better but I felt I would find more purpose there and I intently looked for cities and countries which were poorer or had more problems on a social or economic level. I didn’t want a permanent vacation, I wanted a real insight to life in a country where it isn’t all glamour and sunshine and rainbows. Vietnam was that diamond in the rough for me.

Vietnam truly straddles third world and luxury.

Vietnam is unlike any place I’ve ever been. North America, Europe, and Singapore have little in common with a developing third world country like Vietnam. Vietnam mostly practices Hinduism, is communist, and straggles a blend of third world and luxury. So much that you can literally be in a cocktail bar in a skyscraper with a strict dress code and cross the street and be eating pho and drinking Tiger beer outside in a plastic chair the next.

Cockfights: It’s all too common to see roosters in cages such as this. It’s a common form of entertainment throughout Vietnam but obviously seen as inhumane to many.

The water is unsafe to drink in Vietnam due to the high metal content and the absurd amount of loitering and pollution. All water must be store brought or boiled before using for drinking or cooking.

Saigon Sports Club:

Eating dog is a real thing in Vietnam but is more common in the north side where the locals are much more old-fashioned. I’ve thought long and hard about eating dog as an argument can be made that some people treat cows as holy but Americans see them as little more than livestock who are typically treated horribly. My main issue is that several believe that animals like dog must suffer before killing them to eat because the adrenaline and hormones triggered by pain and fear cause the meat to become more flavorful and nutritious. Therefore dogs being skinned or boiled alive is not uncommon to hear about although I have been fortunate enough to not see it firsthand during my short time in Ho Chi Minh City.

Another issue that is common in Vietnam is dog-napping where pet dogs are stolen and then ransomed, resold, or killed for dog meat. As a result seeing dog parks or dogs being walked casually is not very common in HCMC.

On the other hand, you can eat just about anything in Vietnam, squid, stingray, eel, frog, snail, duck – almost any kind of meat you can buy from a commercial market like a Co.opmart, a specialty market, or a street market.

Fresh coconuts are definitely one of my favorite things to have in Vietnam:

Nearly born chicken eggs, pretty much a fetus that I eat with peppers and lime. (Left) Fresh stingray at the market. (Right)

Vietnam boasts many odd fruits such as pomelo, jackfruit, and green oranges that I am slowly encountering and learning about over time. Many locals eat their fruit with either chili salt or white sugar.

  Teaching in Vietnam I teach toddlers as young as three to teenagers as old as seventeen. Ho Chi Minh City is divided into several districts mostly by number. The center where I began working is district one which is considered the city center. I now live in district seven but work in Tan Phu district, around a thirty minute drive on a motorbike with typical traffic.

The districts of Saigon:

Some of my views from my center in district one.

Turtle Lake: Most believe this structure was intended to be a torch but it is in fact meant to be an upside down sword plunged into the tail of the dragon of South Vietnam that needed to be controlled.

Notre Dame Cathedral:

Ben Thanh Market:

One of my favorite pastimes in Vietnam is to shoot pool, drink beer, and practice my Vietnamese with local girls. This particular place, Clb Angel Billiards off of Le Lai is the perfect place for this on top of great food, cheap beer, and free roaming puppies.

Babylon Bar:

Jolly Jocks Sports Bar:

Bui Vien (pronounced like Spanish’s “muy bien”) is the infamous backpacker’s street where expats, backpackers, and foreigners go to party and meet locals who want to meet foreigners. It’s essentially downtown’s shit show where a lot of fun and bad things happen. You can find drugs, sex, and just about anything you can imagine here and you can get it all as long as you have the money.

Little Chair Coffeeshop:

I quite literally live off of a bridge across from RMIT University which straddles the invisible train tracks between luxury and poverty. I go one way on the bridge I will see skyscrapers, malls, and western bars. The other way and I will see street vendors, dirt roads, and rundown boat houses.

The luxury side of district seven from outside of my balcony.

My backyard:

Shopping areas like Crescent Mall and markets are a big hit in cities like Ho Chi Minh City as few other places can rival the convenience of one location boasting a supermarket, stores with international brands, a movie theater, and of course a variety of coffeeshops and foods to eat in the food court.

Cau Anh Sao/Starlight Bridge: A light-up bridge who colors change frequently walking distance from Crescent Mall that is quite popular for couples wanting a late night stroll.

Getting around in Vietnam there are two primary ways: buy or rent a motorbike OR use taxis such as the popular local Grabbike or well-known Uber. Cars aren’t uncommon in HCMC (Ho Chi Minh City) but the majority of locals and expats ride a motorbike as it is much cheaper and easier to drive in the city in some ways. Traffic in HCMC is on the level of No Man’s Land. You “can” drive on the sidewalk, the wrong side of the road, or run a red light no problem. It’s very intimidating driving, navigating, and even crossing the road initially. The main two concepts that helped me to adapt to driving a motorbike in Vietnam were these two simple facts of life here: the bigger vehicle has the right of way and everyone drives like an idiot. As a foreigner you will always be at fault on the road so unfortunately it is heavily implied no matter who’s fault an accident is, it’s better to drive off.

One such incident occurred where I was easing into the left lane at a freshly turned red light. Because red lights can be run in Vietnam without repercussion another biker decided to run it at full speed directly into the lane I was easing into. He honked and we caught it too late as he was going too fast to stop. I pulled my bike over to the right and he pulled his to his left. I was reluctant to not have much more than a scratch but he had fallen with a hard thud and the sound of shattered glass. As I said before the unfortunate truth is that in Vietnam, especially if you’re a foreigner, you are inclined to drive away from an accident because you will be put at fault no matter whose it actually was. I’m ashamed to say that’s what I did.

Another incident occurred to a friend who was on a Grabbike and her driver was an old man with no teeth, her words not mine. During rush hour traffic is bumper to bumper and as a result it’s hard to see potholes. He hit one and she got ejected. Thankfully she learned how to fall properly from training Brazilian jujitsu and had no serious injuries albeit the driver didn’t offer her much besides saying sorry.

Literally the only unconditional law strictly enforced is to wear a helmet if you’re on a motorbike. You can see four people on a motorbike as long as they all have a helmet on no problem. You can potentially not have a driver’s license, be driving drunk, and not have your lights on, but as long as you have a helmet on the likeliness of getting pulled over is slim. (I may or may not be speaking from experience.)

Police typically target foreigners to pull over and will threaten to take your motorbike, arrest you, and then some. Nine times out of ten they just want a bribe. The unspoken course of action is to speak very bad English, lock your bike, and give them 200.000 dong or around $8-9 US. Most experienced expats call it an unfortunate rite of passage in Vietnam, it’s just the reality for foreigners.

Safety: Taking pictures in Vietnam is the best worst idea because theft is the most common crime. Having your bag being pulled off someone on a bike, being drugged and having your things taken, or having your phone snatched while being photogenic is a common sad tale in HCMC. This is why you will seldom see a selfie stick as well as a backpack or purse being carelessly strung over one shoulder in HCMC. Albeit, Vietnam is generally pretty safe as long as you stay aware and use your common sense, unfortunately common sense isn’t so common for a lot of people nowadays. At best you might lose a haggle at the market, at worst you could be on the wrong side of a machete. The thing about the Vietnamese is they are not cowards albeit being small. The worst weapon a Vietnamese can have against is their phone. You can beat one Vietnamese but when they have their phone you will soon be dealing six more with pipes and machetes.

The language is not east to say the least. Vietnamese has eleven vowels as opposed to English’s five, Vietnamese does not have multiple syllables so every word will not have more than one, and Vietnamese is also all about pitch, so when you have a deep, American accent like me, it makes it that much harder to learn and especially speak. The best part about Vietnamese? The north and south have two different dialects. So you may become fluent in one part of Vietnam can be utterly impossible to understand in the other. Luckily, HCMC is located in the center of Vietnam so I get a mixture of both.

I firmly believe a sense of humor is necessary in teaching, without out you’re merely a robot. So I dress up like a Matrix or Men in Black character regularly.

Some of my smart teens from one of my first classes in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam.

My super juniors:

Crash Course: Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam What brought me to Vietnam? Quite simply I was told it was the place to be. I had been teaching English in my hometown of Orlando, Florida in the USA for several months and grew mixed feelings about continuing teaching in the States when I saw that most of my fellow teachers didn't enjoy it for one reason or another such as low-salaries, regular overtime hours, or poor treatment.