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thewintersoldierdisaster · 22 days ago

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a/n: fic for #13 on the 13th! i love mat and squeaks so much and the fact that you guys love them so much too just makes my heart expand like the grinch’s 🤍 they’re my favorites to write for and i hope you guys enjoy this one! so much more mat and squeaks to come 🥰

word count: 6.4k

tw: mentions of past miscarriages, mentions of fertility issues, anxiety, mentions of vomiting, pregnancy and all that goes along with it

summary: you and mat have an early christmas gift for talia (and inadvertently, the rest of the family too)

It’s way too early in the morning, cold and dark outside when Mat finds you in the bathroom, head in the toilet while you vomit. He gathers back your hair in a fist and brushes the stray wisps off your forehead. Otherwise, he’s quiet, just providing support for you.

You finish with one last dry heave and he holds your hand while you get shakily to your feet, leaning your free hand on the countertop. He keeps a hand solid on your lower back while fishing out a miniature bag of oyster crackers from a drawer in the vanity and sliding the Listerine bottle closer to you.

One swish of mouthwash and a few oyster crackers later, you’re feeling better. Not even close to perfect or normal, but better.

Mat opens his arms for you to step in and lean your cheek against his shoulder. His arms wrap around your upper back and yours loop to rest at his lower back. He’s warm and smells like the bergamont and lime Aesop soap bar in your shower and Tide laundry detergent, a little like animal crackers too, which is probably leftover from Talia waking up after he got home from Toronto the night before and making him come lay in her bed with her until she fell back asleep. Of course, Mat had fallen asleep in the too-small bed, the both of them snoring quietly when you left your bed to go find him.

“Lucky number thirteen,” he mumbles against the top of your head. His breath ruffles your hair and you snuggle closer to his chest. The worn fabric of his undershirt is soft against your cheek.

“And three days,” you reply, stomach flipping slightly. Whether it’s nausea or anxiety, you’re not sure. Likely a healthy combination of both.

“And three days,” Mat agrees. His hands rub circles over your back and you’re soothed enough that you could go back to sleep. Too bad you have a million things to do today, things to check off your list with only three days to go before Christmas.

“Maybe we should wait,” you say after a beat of comfortable silence. “Maybe we should wait for fourteen or fifteen weeks. It’s longer.”

It’s safer, you think but don’t say.

Thirteen weeks is longer than any of your past pregnancies too, other than Talia’s. But it still feels so early and so fragile. You’re trying so hard to be excited, and you are, but that excitement is tamped down by fear and anxiety.

Mat kisses the crown of your head. “Doctor said everything looked really good last week. And you’ve still got morning sickness, which you —“ He cuts himself off, but you know what he was going to say.

‘Which you didn’t with the last few’ - your symptoms had disappeared so early and you thought it was a blessing, that you weren’t vomiting every morning, that you weren’t as tired as you’d been with Talia. Turned out to be nightmare after nightmare.

But you nod against his chest, feeling grateful for the morning sickness that’s shown no sign of stopping, as long as it means a happy, healthy baby in just over six months. June can’t come soon enough.

“We can wait to tell T,” Mat continues, picking up as if he hadn’t stopped mid-sentence. “If you want. But Doctor Harmon said we were okay to start telling people and I think she’ll really like that Christmas present.”

At a delightfully hilarious five and a half, Talia’s been asking about a sibling pretty consistently for two or so years now. Especially after hanging around the team and seeing all the siblings in action. You know she’ll be thrilled for a baby brother or sister and that’s what worries you a little. If it goes badly, if it ends like the others, it’s not just yours and Mat’s heartbreak. It’s Talia’s too.

And you can handle your heartbreak, but you never want Talia to experience that.

“I can hear you thinking,” Mat chuckles, squeezing you closer to his chest. “I know you’re worried, I am too. But how can we let that perfectly wrapped present go to waste?”

His joke lands and you giggle, knowing the box hidden under your bed with Talia’s gift is wrapped with messy corners and too much tape, a Mat Barzal specialty. He’d insisted on wrapping the gift, “contributing to the process” since you were keeping the real present all bubble wrapped and safe in your womb.

“Okay, yes, yeah,” you repeat a few times, convincing yourself. “Let’s tell T and just…just enjoy the ride.”

Just enjoying the ride is something you’d worked really hard on in therapy the last few years, some days easier than others - the pile of ratty Moleskine journals hidden away in your closet full of your every thought from the past five years, good and bad. The newest one, coincidentally started on the day you’d gotten a positive pregnancy test, is already a quarter full of your up and down thoughts and scribbles.

“That’s my girl,” Mat’s hands cup your cheeks, tilting your face up so he can kiss you, even as you protest, reminding him of your vomit breath. He laughs as he kisses you anyway, mumbling, “minty,” against your mouth.

You shake your head at him, smiling. He squeezes your cheek and guides you back into the bedroom, flipping the light switch off. You settle on the bed, dragging a pillow into your lap and watch Mat start to get dressed even though it’s so early.

“I’ve got practice at 9:30,” he says, voice muffled as he pulls his undershirt over his head. You unashamedly watch his stomach muscles work, ogling his chest even though your libido is temporarily dead and buried. “We can wake T up and tell her before I go or we can do it when I get back.”

“When are you getting back?” You wrap a blanket around your shoulders, smothering a yawn in the fabric. A wave of exhaustion hits and you blink slowly. It’s too early for you to be awake on a normal day, but the extra pregnancy hormones have you both exhausted and unable to sleep. There’s no chance you’ll go back to bed, not when you have to finish getting the house ready for your Christmas guests.

Mat shrugs. “Depends. But probably around eleven, eleven thirty?”

He rummages through his drawers for a pair of sweats and you remind him that he has to go and pick up both sets of parents and Liana from the airport in the afternoon. “So maybe we should tell her now?” You chew at your thumbnail.

Fully dressed in casual athleisure for his drive to the practice rink, Mat nods and reaches over to pull your thumb away from your mouth. You scowl at him.

“I’ll go wake her up,” he laughs. “Even though she definitely could use some more sleep.”

You wave him off. “She’ll nap when you’re gone,” you reply. “Unless, of course, she wants to help me get the house ready.”

Mat raises an eyebrow at you, laughs, and heads down to Talia’s room. You grin at his retreating back and get up to rinse your mouth with Listerine again and give your teeth a good brush. You always feel gross after vomiting. Once you feel fresher and more awake, you change out of your sweaty pajamas and into a Christmas-appropriate dark green waffle knit lounge set. You feel much more human with real clothes on and you pat your stomach, a faint outward curve already forming between your hipbones.

This pregnancy is showing quicker than all the others, physical proof that you’re holding onto for your sanity.

“Mommy,” Talia’s whine precedes her and you smile automatically when you see Mat come back into your room with Talia curled up in his arms. Her face is buried in his neck and her dark curls are wild with bedhead. One leg of her cartoon Grinch patterned pajama bottoms is pushed halfway up her skinny calf and her arms are locked around Mat’s neck, her hands fisted in the fabric of his shirt, bunching it between his shoulders.

“Hi, baby,” you reply quietly, reaching out your arms for her. Mat transfers her to your lap and she curls up like a little cat, her cheek squished against your breast. “Daddy woke you up, huh?”

You smooth back her hair, the soft scent of her watermelon L’Oreal Kids shampoo wafting up to your nose. The French braid you’d tied her hair into last night is a wreck and you know she’ll complain when you have to brush out the knots later. But right now she’s so soft and sweet with sleep, seeming much younger than her five and a half years. You trace the tip of your finger over the slope of her nose and she wrinkles it at your touch, face relaxing again almost instantly.

“He said I had a s’prise,” she mumbles, blinking up at you. “But Christmas isn’t today.”

“Nope,” you agree and the mattress dips when Mat sits down next to you. “Christmas is in three days, but Daddy and I do have a gift for you early.”

That perks her right up, predictably. Talia blinks like a little meerkat, scrambling to sit up on your lap. She looks over at Mat, who’s grinning widely, and then back up at you.

“A gift before Christmas?” She asks, her ‘s’ whistling a little from the space left behind from the front baby tooth she’d lost a few days ago. “How come?”

Mat pulls the box out from under the bed and places it on Talia’s lap. “Because it’s a special gift and we wanted to give it to you early, since you’ve been such an awesome kid all year,” Mat says and you can hear the slight tremble in his voice. It reminds you that all of your fertility issues and miscarriages weren’t just hard on you, they were hard on Mat and he was a rock throughout everything, no matter what you threw at him emotionally. You reach out and squeeze his knee, giving him a small smile. He returns it with a wink.

Talia pokes her fingers into the corner of the wrapping paper, her sparkly nail polish catching in the light, and gives Mat an impish little smile. “Daddy wrapped this,” she says. “The corners are all wrinkly.”

You laugh at the roast and Mat’s jaw drops in fake outrage.

“They are not!” He yelps, reaching out to tickle Talia’s sides. She shrieks and wiggles, laughter echoing around the room.

“No! No, Daddy! Stop tickling!” She shrieks between gasping laughter and Mat relents, laughing too as he leans back into his spot. Talia’s hair is even messier, her cheeks flushed from laughter, and you can’t wait to have another one running around the house. A lump of emotion clogs your throat.

“I don’t like tickling,” she grumbles adorably and Mat apologies. Talia forgives him and pulls at the paper on her gift again. “Can I open now?”

You and Mat both nod and Talia wastes no time in ripping into the paper. Scraps go flying and Mat gathers them up, crumpling the paper in a ball that he tosses back and forth between his hands. Talia stops briefly when she sees the gift box and then tosses the lid off the side of the bed. You roll your eyes slightly at her dramatics, but then she’s pulling the sweater out of its tissue paper and laying it over your legs.

“What’s it say?” She cocks her head. Immediately, she recognizes the first word, “big,” and then starts sounding out the next, “si-sis-sister?”

You’re holding your breath while she sounds it out, your heart pounding when she wrinkles her nose and repeats, “big sister?”

Talia looks at you and then Mat, frowning while the wheels turn in her head. It takes a second and she repeats, “big sister? Me?” pointing at herself. Her eyebrows lift on her forehead.

Mat nods and you grin at her, “you’re going to be a big sister, love bug.”

It’s a surprise when Talia bursts into loud, hiccuping sobs and you’re caught unprepared. Tears stream down her face and she chokes for air, holding the sweater in a death grip, turning her knuckles white. Mat looks at you, wide-eyed and terrified of Talia’s reaction, until she wails, “I always wanted a baby!”

“Oh,” you cuddle her close, stroking her hair and letting her cry and snot all over your shirt. “Oh, my baby, I know. You’re overwhelmed. It’s okay, shhh, it’s okay.”

“I get a baby?” She asks and you nod even though she can’t see you. Tears well up in your eyes.

Mat’s hand rubs circles on her back and he’s whispering quietly to her, inaudible over the blood rushing in your ears.

“You’re going to have a sibling, love bug,” you say into her hair, choking on your own overwhelming emotion. “It’s really big news, right?”

Talia nods against you and you hear her blow her nose against your shirt. It’s gross, but you don’t mind.

She keeps wailing, crying happy tears and mumbling about how she always wanted a baby sibling like all of her friends. It cracks your heart and mends it all at once, knowing how long she’s waited and how happy she is to be finally getting a built-in best friend.

Tears drip down your cheeks and you feel Mat’s hand on your back, pulling you close. You and Talia are folded into Mat’s embrace, his palms cupping each of your heads to keep you close. Her cries settle down to a few sniffles and eventually she pulls back from your chest to look up at you.

Her big hazel eyes, Mat’s eyes, are red rimmed and still watery. You push damp strands of hair off her cheeks and kiss her forehead.

“I’m so happy, Mommy,” she says simply, lunging to throw her arms around your neck and squeeze you in a hug.

“I’m so happy too, TB,” you reply, the easiest and most honest words you’ve ever said.

Mat, never one to be left out, laughs and chimes in, “I bet you’re not as happy as me.” He kisses the top of Talia’s head, ruffling her hair. You can see a suspiciously wet shine to his eyes.

Talia leans from your lap to Mat’s, hugging his neck to tight it almost looks painful. “Nuh-uh,” she shakes her head. “I’m the happiest. I’m the happiest cause it’s my baby.”

“Hey,” you tickle her sides lightly, “it’s mine and Daddy’s baby too.”

She shrugs and grabs for her sweater again, yanking it on over her head. She pushes her hair out of her eyes with the backs of her hands, looking for all the world like an electrocuted mad scientist. “I’m gonna wear this forever and tell everyone I’m a big sister like Reese and Winnie,” she announces proudly, a huge missing-toothed smile splitting her face.

Her smile melts your heart and she starts rolling around on the bed, chanting “big sister, big sister,” to make you and Mat laugh.

You lean against Mat’s chest, his hands coming to rest on your stomach. He whispers in your ear, “I’m so glad we told her.”

“Me too,” you murmur back. Talia rolls back over to you and smooshes her face up against your stomach and Mat’s hands.

“My baby’s in there?” She asks and without waiting for an answer, kisses your stomach and says, “hi baby, I’m Talia. I’m your big sister and I love you.”

And that’s all it takes for your waterworks to start, tears flowing free and fast, to the point where Talia looks a little spooked and Mat has to shepard her downstairs for breakfast while you follow along a few minutes later, still sniffling and wiping at your eyes.

Mat serves you up a plate of pancakes, plain and no syrup to be easier on your stomach, and you kiss his cheek in return. He looks incredulous, “I make celebration pancakes and I only get a kiss on the cheek? Wow, Squeaks, wow.”

You roll your eyes at him and plant a dramatic, loud kiss on his lips, making Talia giggle over her own pancakes. There’s already a smudge of chocolate on her Big Sister sweater’s collar and you can’t help but smile.

Mat’s off to practice a little bit later and then it’s just you and Talia since school is already closed for the two-week break. She’s surprisingly clingy while you get the guest rooms ready for everyone, following at your heels with a handful of Calico Critters clutched in each palm.

She asks a million questions about the baby - when is it coming? Is it a boy or a girl? Is it gonna live in her room? Can we name it Sparky? (Late June, it’s going to be a surprise just like she was, it will live first in yours and Mat’s room and then will get its own room, and no. Definitely not.)

You flip through the pile of Christmas cards that have gone unopened for a few days, enjoying looking through the family pictures sent by all the wives and girlfriends you’ve made friends with throughout the years. A particularly cute family photo of Matthew Tkachuk, his wife, and their son makes you smile. Talia climbs up on a stool to look at the cards with you, pointing out each player that she knows and recognizes.

(“Mommy, did we send a card of me?” “Yes, baby, remember when you took a picture with us and Santa at Daddy’s work? We sent that one out.” “Oh, we should’ve sent the picture of me and Minnie at Disney ‘cause I looked real cute in that, Nana said so.”)

At some point, Talia dumps the Calico Critters back in their designated box and picks up her Bitty Baby, carrying it around and hugging it tightly. The sight makes you wobbly, praying silently that this is the baby that stays.

Mat comes home from practice, wet hair shoved under his Stadium Series beanie, and barely drops his keys before he’s swooping Talia up into his arms and blowing raspberries on her cheeks. He’s got a giddy energy that isn’t just from a good practice.

“Big sister, ready to head to the airport in a little bit?” He asks, gamely accepting the minor blow to the head from a plastic Bitty Baby leg.

“Yes!” Talia shouts. “Let’s go now!”

You chime in, “you’d be so early! There’s still about two hours until the planes land. That’s four episodes of Bluey,” you add, anticipating Talia’s next question.

She frowns, but shrugs and tells Mat, “Mommy said we can’t name my baby Sparky. I like Sparky.”

Mat grins at you and winks. To Talia, he says, “how about we work on it? There’s a long time to come up with a good name.”

You know Talia’s likely not going to give up on Sparky, but over the next hour she offers up Princess Jasmine, Tweety Bird, and Bingo as alternatives. Every time she refers to it as “my baby” though, you feel like you could cry again. Mat was right, telling her was a really good idea.

Until it comes time for them to leave for the airport and you have to tell her, gently but firmly, not to spill the beans. You zip up her jacket, hiding the words on the sweater she still refuses to take off. She’d even refused the option to put another sweater over it. This kid.

“But I wanna tell ‘em,” she whines, batting at the hat you try to pull over her head.

“We will tell everyone,” you assure her, winning the battle. The knit cap is snug over her ears, flattening her dark hair against her forehead. She looks adorably grumpy, a miniature replica of Mat. “But Mommy and Daddy want to surprise them with a Christmas present, okay? It’s our secret. Can you promise?”

Talia hums and bounces from foot to foot, considering. You cross your fingers that she gets it.

“I guess,” she relents, grabbing up a Princess Jasmine doll in one hand and an Aladdin doll in the other. Bitty Baby has been relegated to her crib for a nap that’s lasted more than an hour and you’re nearly jealous of a baby doll.

Mat appears in the front hall with his car keys jangling and a grin on his face. “Ready to go, TB?”

She bounces around, nodding and chanting “yes yes yes” in response to Mat’s question.

You giggle and pat her on the butt. “Save that energy for the game tomorrow,” you tease, getting to your feet and holding the door open. It’s starting to flurry a bit, the light flakes swirling in the air prettily. Mat kisses you quickly on his way out, nudging Talia between the shoulder blades to get her moving.

“Bye, Mommy!” She shouts, waving over her shoulder. “Bye, Baby Sparky!”

You wave at them, closing the door just after watching Mat swing Talia around before opening the car door for her to climb inside.

By some Christmas miracle, all three incoming flights - your parents from North Carolina, Mat’s parents from Vancouver, and Liana from London - were scheduled to land within ten minutes of each other, so Mat only had to make one trip to LaGuardia.

He glides the Defender easily into an open spot at the Arrivals curb, praying that the trip from baggage claim to the car doesn’t take everyone that long.

“Remember,” he turns around in his seat, lowering the volume on the Disney Princess medley soundtrack Talia had insisted on, “Baby Sparky is a secret. So don’t tell everyone okay?”

“Okay, but what if I just told LeeLee?” She says, not looking at Mat, but playing with her dolls. “And then you and Mommy can tell everyone else.”

“No,” Mat laughs, despite himself. “You can’t tell LeeLee. Don’t say anything, okay, Tals?”

Talia shrugs and agrees. “Okay, I won’t say anythin’ about Baby Sparky.”

Mat reaches his hand out for a high five and Talia slaps his palm enthusiastically. She makes Mat turn the music back up while they wait and sings happily along to ‘Part of Your World’ until Mat’s phone vibrates with a text and he grins.

“Take a look out the window, T,” he says, pointing towards the airport. “We’ve got some visitors.”

Talia shrieks happily, kicking her legs and waving wildly at her grandparents and aunt as the five of them come into sight. Liana waves wildly back, making a silly face for good measure.

Mat gets out of the car to help with the luggage, accepting a hug and kiss from both moms. Liana punches his arm and then gives him a one-armed hug before helping him with the luggage at the trunk. They both wave off the parents for their help and gesture for them to get in the car.

“Hi Nana and hi Pop and hi Grandma and hi Grandpa,” Talia chirps excitedly as they all get in the car, in one breath in the way only little kids can manage. She tilts her cheek up to get kisses from her grandmothers as they climb into the third row of the car.

“Hi Talia,” Nadia grins, tweaking her cheek.

“Hi, sweetie,” your mom replies, cupping Talia’s chin between her thumb and index finger. “It’s so good to see you!”

“Hey, TB,” Liana calls from the back of the car, hoisting her suitcase into the trunk. “No hellos for your favorite aunt?”

Talia wiggles around in her booster seat to wave at Liana. “LeeLee! Did you know I’m gonna be a big sister?” She shouts the question and Mat freezes.

“Fuck,” he mutters quietly, remaining extremely still as all five family members turn to look at him. He gives his mother an awkward grin. All three women are aware of the issues you’ve had in the past, he knows. Liana especially since you’d confided everything in her during her visits and on multiple phone calls. When you couldn’t or wouldn’t talk to Mat, he was just grateful that you had Liana at least to confide in.

“Mat?” Nadia prods him for a response.

“Yeah!” Talia continues, oblivious. “Mommy said we can’t name the baby Sparky, but I wanna call it Sparky anyway.”

“Oh my god!” Liana yelps, reaching out to shake Mat’s arm. “Seriously?” She does a little dance in place.

Mat nods, laughing a little. “Yeah, seriously. We told T this morning, but,” he shoots the kindergartener a playful glare, “she wasn’t supposed to tell anyone yet.”

Talia’s still oblivious, chattering happily to her grandfathers, both of whom have huge grins on their faces. The moms are wiping away tears in the third row, reaching over into the trunk to hug Mat awkwardly.

“Oh, I’m so happy for you guys,” your mom sobs, overwhelmed.

Mat accepts the huge hug Liana forces on him and finishes getting the bags in the trunk, the honking already starting from other cars waiting at the curb.

Once everyone’s in the car, Liana wedged in the middle seat and already starting to entertain Talia, Mat lowers the music and whistles to get attention on him.

“Look, T wasn’t supposed to tell you guys about the baby,” he says, easing out into traffic. “We wanted to do something special on Christmas, so if you could all pretend that you know nothing, that would be very helpful.”

Your mom sighs from the third row. “It’s going to be so hard to pretend,” she tells Nadia, who agrees. They’d both been discussing a baby shower, which Mat definitely thinks is a little premature, but he can’t blame them for being excited. He’s beyond happy himself.

“I get that,” he replies. “I really do. But remember, I’ve got a fragile, hormonal pregnant wife and she really wanted to surprise you all. Please play along and ignore Talia.”

“Hey!” Talia pipes up, abandoning her doll to Liana’s lap. “It’s mean to ignore, Daddy!”

Mat catches her eye in the rearview mirror. “I’m sorry, TB. But you did promise Mommy not to mention the baby and here we are.”

Talia squints at him, scrunching her face up and making Liana laugh at the expression. She pouts and kicks at the back of Mat’s seat. “I was excited, Daddy! I was so excited I cried, ‘member?” She grumbles.

Liana tugs at one of her dark curls. “Yeah, she couldn’t help herself, Mat,” she teases. “We’ll all be on our best behavior, promise.”

There’s no doubt in Mat’s mind that the five adults in the car will absolutely ruin the surprise the second they get home, but he crosses his fingers and hopes anyway.

Traffic is light, surprisingly, and you’re waiting at the door when Mat pulls into the driveway less than two hours after he left. You wave as everyone piles out of the car, catching Talia in your arms when she runs up to you.

“Mommy! LeeLee said she brought me sou-soubeniers?” She yelps.

“Souvenirs,” you correct gently, helping her out of her jacket and frowning when you see the sweater you’d forgotten she was wearing. “Go wash your hands, baby.”

Talia scampers off and you hope that buys you a little time to get her changed before everyone sees.

Your parents and in-laws parade into the house, all four of them giving you extra tight hugs and kisses on the cheek. Your dad murmurs that it’s good to see you and Mike gives you a wide smile, hugging you for a moment longer than usual.

Nadia cups your cheeks in her hands and just looks at you for a few seconds before shaking her head and pulling you back in for a second hug. Strange.

Something prickles at the back of your neck and when your mom greets you with watery eyes, you know exactly what happened.

Liana shoots you a delighted smirk, wrapping one arm around you in a hug as she passes. “Merry Christmas,” she beams, kissing your cheek.

Mat is last, dragging suitcases behind him and wearing a sheepish expression. You hold the door open for him and deadpan, “blabbermouth junior told everyone, didn’t she?”

“Literally the second they got in the car,” Mat admits. To his credit, he doesn’t try and lie.

“I should’ve known,” you laugh, following him into the house. Your mom already has Talia on her hip, Big Sister sweater proudly front and center as she demonstrates to the grandparents that she can read the words. They all look up guiltily at you and you just laugh more. “Spoilsport ruined the news,” you say, flattening your hand on your stomach, “but Baby Barzal should be here in June. God willing.”

The sudden cheer overwhelms you and gets you teary eyed again before you’re enveloped in a hug that nearly smothers you. Mat’s grinning at you from the safety of the fridge, until he gets accosted by the moms. He pats them on the back, laughing.

After the excitement of the news, you fall into your usual visit routine - changing out of airplane clothes and placing an order from the Italian place that everyone loves before settling into the den to catch up.

“I was going to give you guys these on Christmas,” you start the sentence before you disappear upstairs and return with three boxes in your arms. “But might as well do it now.”

Talia whips her head around, abandoning the bag of pretzels she’d dug out of the pantry and is sharing with your dad and Mike. “More presents? For me?” She asks, clambering over the arm of the couch to fall into Nadia’s lap and poke at the wrapped gift. “Oh, Mommy wrapped this. It’s so pretty. It event has a ribbon,” she chirps, stroking the velvet bow loops.

“Ooh,” Liana laughs at Mat, “burned by your own kid.”

“Oh, ha ha,” Mat rolls his eyes at his sister and when he’s sure Talia’s distracted, flips her off.

“Behave,” Nadia chastises, tone firm even though she’s smiling. Talia’s already pulling the paper away from the box in her lap and Nadia lets her continue.

You curl up against Mat’s side and watch everyone open their gifts - Polaroid shaped Christmas ornaments with the baby’s sonogram in the little photo spot, Coming Soon scrawled in cursive over the bottom of it.

It would’ve been nice to surprise everyone on Christmas morning, but there’s something even nicer about doing it now. With everyone relaxed and excited and able to really enjoy the moment without the chaos of presents and breakfast and stockings.

“Wait?” Talia squints at the sonogram. She pokes her finger against the black and white image. “Is that my baby?”

“Mhm,” you hum watching your mom explain exactly which blurry blob is the baby. “That’s the first ever picture of the baby.”

“Do I have a picture like that?” She asks, appropriating Nadia and Mike’s ornament for herself and lying across their laps while she studies the image.

Mat nods. “Tons of them,” he replies. “We can show you later, if you want.”

She hums distractedly and you let the grandparents take over for a bit, spoiling her and distracting her while you relax against Mat’s side, his hand snaking down to rest on your stomach under your shirt. His palm is warm and dry and his fingers draw absent shapes against your skin. He turns the fireplace on from his phone and the room gets cozier, full of noise and laughter and joy.

It’s the best start to Christmas week that you could’ve ever imagined.

And it turns out that everyone knowing about the baby early is a blessing in disguise, because your mom and Nadia don’t let you do a single thing the next day. They get breakfast ready for everyone and the dads get the sidewalks and cars clean from the few inches of snow that had fallen over night.

You try to help, but are shooed away to the couch to rest. Liana and Talia join you intermittently. Your baby curls up on your lap with her Bitty Baby, listening as Liana fills you in on her love life in code that goes over Talia’s head.

Mat’s gone most of the day for morning skate and is back for his pre-game nap before disappearing again around 3:30.

Talia insists on wearing her Big Sister sweater again, but the combined powers of Liana and your mom work to get her to put an Islanders jersey over it for the game. The adults are decked out in gear too and you go for comfort over style in an oversized henley and vest with leggings. Your nod to team spirit is your custom Islander Nikes.

Since the whole family is there and it’s the last game before the holiday break, Mat sprung for a suite and you’re grateful for it because you can relax and not have to worry about Talia slipping away.

Periodically, the other girls pop in to join you and as much as you try to keep her distracted, Talia announces your news to everyone that stops in, chirping, “I’m gonna be a big sister!” with a big, chocolate smudged grin and a few bunny hops.

You’ve never been excitedly screamed at and hugged in your entire life, a permanent grin making your face hurt by the time the second is halfway done.

Mat finishes the game with a trip to the penalty box, a goal, two assist, and the team wins. Maxine Nightingale fills the arena and Talia shimmies along to the chorus, cheering for Mat as he’s announced as the first star and skates over to chat with Shannon.

“Congrats on the win,” Shannon grins and Talia hangs over the glass, waving at Mat. You hold the back of her jersey in a tight fist, ignoring the way your stomach swoops with anxiety every time she lunges forward.

“Thanks, Shannon,” Mat’s face is larger than life on the screen and his smile is megawatt. “Feels really good to get the two points at home.”

Shannon laughs and nods, “I bet! And with these two points and the Ranger loss last night, the Islanders are heading into the holiday break at the top of the Metro. Just another thing to celebrate, right?”

“Oh yeah!” Mat’s lips curl up in a cock smirk that has your dormant sex drive sparking slightly. “A lot to celebrate this year,” he looks up at the suites and you swear he makes eye contact with you, his smile growing more genuine. “Just really glad to get the win with my family here.”

“I’m sure they’re all waiting to start the holiday celebrations with you, Merry Christmas, Mat,” Shannon smiles and the interview ends with Mat wishing her the same and heading off down the tunnel.

“Bye, Daddy!!!” Talia shouts out, waving.

You snatch her back from the glass and she pouts at you briefly before skipping over to Liana to mooch some M&M’s off of her.

“Are we heading home before Mat or did you want to see him?” You ask, sitting down on one of the couches outside the suite. A yawn catches in the back of your throat and your mom brushes her hand over the top of your head. You lean into her touch like a cat, warmed by her affection.

“Let us take you home, baby,” she replies. “You look exhausted.”

“I’m okay,” you assure her, passing Liana a baby wipe from your bag so she can wipe the chocolate off of Talia’s face. “T likes to see Mat after the games, so we can all meet him out at the garage and split into the two cars.”

“I wanna see Daddy and Uncle Bo and Noah,” Talia calls out, wriggling away from Liana and the baby wipe she’s wielding.

“Jesus, stay still TB, you’ve got a chocolate five o’clock shadow,” Liana laughs.

Mat is waiting for you downstairs, immediately scooping Talia up and giving her a smacking kiss on the cheek. “My good luck charms!” He grins, hair damp.

“Daddy, where’s Noah?” Talia drapes herself over Mat’s shoulder, looking around for her favorite defenseman. “I wanna show him my sweater.”

“You already showed Alexa,” you remind her. “She’ll

show Noah the picture you posed for. And remember, you’re going to see everyone at Aunt Syd and Uncle Matt’s Christmas Eve party tomorrow.”

Somehow you manage to get Talia in her car seat in Mat’s car, the rest of the Barzals going with Mat too and leaving you to drive home with your parents. Mat kisses your forehead before he gets into the driver’s seat of his car and tells you to be safe.

You nod and end up in the back seat of your own car when your dad insists on driving home. You’re grateful for it, honestly, slumping against the door and yawning. It’s been a long day and you’re definitely ready to head to bed.

“I’m so happy for you, baby,” your mom murmurs over the Christmas music playing on the radio. She has her arm extended behind her so she can hold your hand. “Make sure you take care of yourself and if you need me to come and help, say the word. Whatever you need, right, hon?” That last bit is directed at your dad and he nods in agreement, a man of few words.

“Thanks, mom,” you can’t help the waver to your voice. Quieter, you continue, “I’m scared.”

“Oh, my girl,” your mom turns around in her seat and gives you a soft smile. “It’s only natural, after everything you and Mat have been through. But I’m going to go light a candle tomorrow and you’re going to stay positive and in June you’ll have a beautiful new baby to love on.”

You nod and wipe at your eyes, your free hand splayed on your stomach. In your purse, your phone vibrates and you pull it out to find a text from Liana - a video of Talia in her car seat, singing the wrong lyrics to ‘All I Want for Christmas’ loudly and proudly. She’s totally off key, but she’s having the time of her life. Before the video ends, you can hear Mat in the background laughing and saying, “T, next year you can teach Baby Sparky the lyrics.”

Tears flood your eyes again and the reality continues to hit - this time next year you’ll have a second baby all geared up to celebrate their first Christmas.

You can’t wait.

#mat barzal #mat barzal x reader #mat barzal x you #mat barzal fic #nhl fic

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jackhues · 11 months ago

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together - pricey shots and brick wolls

pricey shots and brick wolls! au masterlist

note: takes place in march 2022 - rowan's 23 years oldish. if something's not factually correct, i'm so sorry guys. i tried really hard to make it kind of accurate. i kind of don't like this... but anyways it's here now

tw: asshole doctor, mentions of periods/fertility

"i suggest you drink lots of water and work out more," the doctor told rowan. "if the pain continues, you can take pain medication, but i don't think it'll be necessary. take a half hour walk in the mornings and evenings and stay hydrated. perhaps watch your diet as well. it's nothing big."

rowan stared at him, unsure if he was being serious.

the doctor noticed this, raising a brow in her direction. "any questions?"

"i'm just -- i mean, i'm an athlete," she reminded him. "i work out a lot more than the average person. i stay hydrated. i've got professional trainers making sure i have a healthy, balanced diet. i can't get any healthier than this. telling me to drink more water, to work out, to eat healthy -- it's not a solution. i can't do it any better than i am right now."

rowan could've sworn the doctor was about to roll his eyes.

"you play in a league?" he asked her. "or just... recreationally?"

"i play professional hockey," her voice came out tougher than usual. "i play in the phf, for the toronto six. i play for team canada too, i just won a gold medal for this country a month ago. i can assure you, my diet and work out routine has nothing to do with the pain i'm feeling."

the doctor sniffed, noting some things down on the clipboard.

"alright, the best i can do is prescribe you some pain medication," he ripped a prescription off and handed it to her. "i can also refer you to a specialist, but i don't think it'll be much help."

"i'd like to see the specialist," rowan responded, taking the prescription.

"sure, okay," he nodded, filling out something else and handing it to her. "you'll get a call from that number in a few days to work out an appointment time."

"thank you," rowan told him, not really meaning it.

she left the room, making her way back to her car. she took a deep breath, reminding herself to calm down. being angry and driving home would do no one any good.

over the past few weeks, rowan had been experiencing lots of pain and intense cramping. her periods had always been a little unusual, but so were her mom's, and she didn't think too much about it. the big problem was the cramps and pain she'd have even after her period. her fiancé finally convinced her to get it checked out after seeing her crumple in the middle of her practice due to pain.

"this is why i haven't gotten my shit checked," she muttered to herself, angry at the doctor for simply dismissing her. she'd heard stories of this her whole life, and of course, it finally happened to her.

she sent a text to joseph, letting her know the appointment was done and she was going to see a specialist eventually. finally, convinced that she had cooled off a little, she turned the car on and made her way home.

---

rowan got the call to pick up her reports while she was washing the dishes.

"everything alright?" joseph asked her once she hung up.

"it was the specialist," she told him. "um, they told me i have to pick up the reports."

"that was pretty quick," he responded. "i thought they take like, weeks. i didn't know it only takes a few days."

"they usually only tell you to pick up reports if something's wrong," she continued quietly. "otherwise, they might not even call back."

"hey, hey," joe got up quickly, taking her hands in his. "hey, look at me. giving your report doesn't mean it's something bad, okay? you won't know until you get them."

"can you come with me?" she asked, her voice a little small.

"of course," he responded. "you don't have to ask. whatever you want, love."

rowan's heart felt like it might burst -- either from the nervousness of getting her report back, or the love she felt for joseph in that moment.

unable to speak, she simply nodded, allowing joseph to lead her outside and to the car. he talked while he drove her to the specialist's office, telling her about his day and all the crazy things his teammates had done.

she appreciated him a lot for that, for doing his best to take her mind off of this. she wasn't usually nervous when it came to things like this, but for some reason, she could only think up the worst things.

"you ready?" joe asked her, turning the car off and turning to her.

rowan closed her eyes, taking a deep breath the way her uncle had taught her years ago. a deep breath in, a deep breath out -- and out with it went the thoughts of everything that didn't matter in this moment.

she nodded at her fiancé, "ready."

---

"miss price?" the doctor asked, entering the room.

rowan sat up straighter, nodding, "that's me."

"and this is?" the doctor looked at joseph, sitting in one of the seats near the patient's bed.

"joseph woll," rowan introduced him. "my fiancé. he'll be staying here for the reports, i already signed a consent form at the front desk."

"perfect, it's nice to meet you," she smiled at joe. she turned to her computer, typing up a few things and pulling up some files. "okay, so rowan price? twenty three years old?"

"yup," rowan nodded.

"you came in for a pelvic ultrasound and test two days ago, due to intense, recurring abdominal pain, correct?"

"mhm," she nodded again.

the doctor furrowed her brows at the reports, turning back to rowan. "is there anything else you'd like to tell me? any other pain? discomfort? irregular periods?"

"it's mainly just cramps so bad that i can't even walk," she responded. "a little bit of back pain, but nothing else really hurts. sometimes i feel sick though. and my period's always been a little weird."

"hmm," the doctor noted. she turned back to rowan, passing over two ultrasound photos -- the printed results of her ultrasound a few days ago. "you see the tissue clumps right here? that's a type of tissue similar to the lining of your uterus."

rowan examined the ultrasound, barely able to make out what the doctor was explaining. it had nothing to do with the ultrasound, but it was simply the fact that rowan was unable to ever see ultrasounds.

her parents had once tried to surprise her with the ultrasound of her youngest brother when they were pregnant, and she had no idea what it was.

"well, this tissue isn't in your uterus," the doctor explained. "it's growing outside, which may cause bloating, especially around your period."

"that's what's causing the pain?" rowan asked. "uterus tissue not growing in my uterus?"

"it's a condition called endometriosis," the doctor told her. "you might've heard of it."

"i have, yeah," rowan muttered. she might've heard of it, but she didn't know much about it.

"there's no cure for this, but there are treatments," the doctor told her. "hormone therapy, iuds -- surgery's also an option. the treatments can relieve your pain, they can increase your fertility, they--"

"wait, what?" rowan cut in. "it affects fertility?"

"in many women, yes," the doctor told her. "you won't know for sure unless you try to get pregnant, but there is a solid chance you may be infertile. if you'd like, we can do more tests..."

the rest of the doctor's words seemed to go straight through rowan's ears. she was hearing them, but she wasn't understanding them.

she heard joe say something to the doctor, who nodded in understanding and left them in the room. the door closed behind her, and it was as if the spell had lifted.

"hey, look at me," joseph said to her, cupping her chin in his hands. "it's going to be okay. you're okay."

"i just -- i'm scared," rowan whispered, finally speaking. "i never thought about being a mom before, and now that i might not be able to be one -- this is so stupid, why am i like this?"

"don't do that," joe told her sternly. "don't invalidate your feelings. you were just informed of a health condition, you're allowed to be emotional over whatever part of it you want."

"i'm still mad about that stupid doctor too," she whispered, voice cracking as more tears welled up in her eyes.

"you should be mad about that too, he was a dick," joseph agreed.

rowan closed her eyes, leaning forward and letting joe wrap his arms around her.

"whatever's next, i'm here for you," he promised her. "we're doing this together."

in that moment, rowan knew, they were going to take it step by step, and they were going to do it together.

---

note: before someone goes crazy, rowan doesn't think being a mom is her only purpose in life yadda, yadda -- she's just in shock. she has siblings that are much younger than her, and she loves babies. she never expected to possibly be infertile so the news is shocking to her. that's all, thanks <3 also if you feel like i depicted smth wrong, please let me know (nicely is all i ask)

#naqia's au's!#naqia writes!#pricey shots and brick wolls! au #nhl fic #hockey fanfiction #hockey x reader #nhl x reader

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theovolife · 18 days ago

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Preparing for Egg Freezing: Your Comprehensive FAQ Guide for Toronto Women

Egg freezing is an empowering option for women in Toronto looking to preserve their fertility and take control of their future. But if you’re new to the process, it can feel overwhelming. To help you navigate the journey, we’ve compiled answers to the most frequently asked questions about egg freezing. Whether you’re planning for the procedure or simply exploring your options, this guide will provide clarity and confidence.

What is egg freezing, and why should I consider it?

Egg freezing, also known as oocyte cryopreservation, is a medical procedure where a woman’s eggs are extracted, frozen, and stored for future use. It’s ideal for women who wish to delay pregnancy due to career goals, medical treatments, or personal reasons, giving them the option to conceive later using their younger, healthier eggs.

Am I a good candidate for egg freezing?

Egg freezing is generally recommended for women in their late 20s to early 30s, as egg quality tends to decline with age. However, it’s also an option for women facing health conditions such as cancer that may affect fertility. Consult a fertility specialist to assess your eligibility based on your age, ovarian reserve, and health.

What steps are involved in the egg freezing process?

The process typically includes:

Initial Consultation: Meet with a fertility expert to discuss your goals and perform baseline tests.

Ovarian Stimulation: Use hormone injections to encourage the ovaries to produce multiple eggs.

Egg Retrieval: A minimally invasive procedure to collect mature eggs.

Freezing and Storage: The retrieved eggs are rapidly frozen using vitrification and stored for future use.

To dive deeper into each step, check out this detailed guide on preparing for egg freezing.

How long does the egg freezing process take?

From the initial consultation to egg retrieval, the process typically takes 2-6 weeks. Hormonal stimulation lasts about 10-14 days, followed by the egg retrieval procedure.

Is egg freezing painful?

Most women report mild discomfort or bloating during the ovarian stimulation phase. The egg retrieval procedure is performed under sedation, so you won’t feel pain. Post-retrieval, you may experience cramping or soreness, which usually subsides within a few days.

How much does egg freezing cost in Toronto?

The cost varies depending on the clinic and services, but you can expect to pay around $10,000 to $15,000 for the procedure, excluding storage fees. Many clinics offer financing options to make it more accessible. For more details on costs, visit this resource on egg freezing cost in Toronto.

How long can my eggs remain frozen?

With advanced vitrification techniques, eggs can remain viable for many years. Research suggests that eggs frozen for over a decade can still lead to successful pregnancies.

Are there any risks or side effects?

While egg freezing is considered safe, potential risks include:

Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS): A rare complication from hormonal stimulation.

Egg Retrieval Risks: Minor risks like infection or bleeding.

Emotional Impact: Some women may experience anxiety or stress during the process.

It’s important to work with a reputable fertility clinic to minimize risks.

How can I prepare for the egg freezing process?

Preparation is key to a smooth egg freezing journey. Here are some tips:

Schedule Your Consultation Early: Don’t wait to explore your options.

Maintain a Healthy Lifestyle: Prioritize nutrition, exercise, and stress management.

Follow Your Doctor’s Instructions: Adhere to the prescribed hormone treatment schedule.

For a step-by-step guide, visit this blog on egg freezing ideas in Toronto.

How do I choose the right clinic in Toronto?

When selecting a fertility clinic, consider the following:

Success Rates: Ask about their track record with egg freezing.

Experienced Team: Ensure the clinic has skilled doctors and embryologists.

Comprehensive Support: Look for clinics offering counseling and personalized care.

Egg freezing can be a life-changing decision, giving you the flexibility and peace of mind to plan your future on your terms. If you’re considering this path, visit to explore their expert fertility services and resources, including guidance on egg freezing in Toronto.

#egg freezing #egg freezing toronto

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path11podcast · 5 months ago

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443 HypnoFertility with Lynsi Eastburn

For over 20 years, author and board certified hypnotherapist, Lynsi Eastburn, (MA, BCH) has been helping people globally in their pre-pregnancy and pregnancy journeys. Lynsi is the founder and creator of HypnoFertility, and owns her own private practice and training facility, HypnoFertility International. Through her work in hypnosis, Lynsi helps bring balance to the spiritual and physical worlds and guides babies to their mothers. HypnoFertility is an innovative program created to help those struggling with infertility. Doctors and fertility clinics worldwide support her program, including Dr. William Kiltz and Dr. Maribelle Verdialez from CNY Fertility, Dr. Mark Bush from Conceptions Reproductive Associates, and Dr. Dorothee Struck from Precious Pregnancies - Germany. In 2003, Lynsi expanded her practice and began to train others in her methods. Thus was the creation of HypnoFertility training. Lynsi has been featured nationally on Lifetime Television Network, ABC and CBS News, on national and international radio programs including KOSI After Dark and has been a guest on Toronto’s Breakfast Television and Canada’s @Home morning show.

Lynsi's Website

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Check out this episode!

#spirituality #consciousness #podcast #science #OBE #NDE #monroe institute #hemi sync

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generation-fertility · 7 months ago

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Top-rated Fertility Acupuncture In Downtown Toronto

Generation Fertility is one of the top-rated fertility acupuncture clinics in downtown Toronto. Our team of fertility doctors provides innovative treatments for patients across the GTA. Book an appointment with us.

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repromedca · 4 months ago

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Fertility Centre in Riverdale-ReproMed Fertility At ReproMed Fertility in Riverdale, we specialize in personalized fertility care. Start your family journey with us—contact us for a consultation now!

#fertility doctor toronto #fertility acupuncture etobicoke #best fertility clinic mississauga

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paineasenaturopathicclinic · 8 months ago

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Enhancing Your Health Naturally: Discover Top Wellness Services in the Greater Toronto Area

The quest for optimal health and wellness often leads individuals to explore various therapeutic avenues. For those residing in the Greater Toronto Area, including Mississauga and Oakville, there are several cutting-edge health services available. Whether you're seeking the expertise of a naturopathic doctor, fertility acupuncture, or advanced therapies like glutathione IV treatment, the region boasts a variety of top-tier options.

Naturopathic Doctor in Mississauga: Personalized Holistic Care

Naturopathic medicine is increasingly recognized for its comprehensive approach to health. A naturopathic doctor in Mississauga offers individualized treatment plans that address the root cause of health issues rather than just alleviating symptoms. These practitioners utilize a blend of natural therapies, including herbal medicine, nutritional counseling, and lifestyle modifications.

Patients often seek naturopathic care for chronic conditions such as digestive disorders, hormonal imbalances, and autoimmune diseases. By emphasizing prevention and self-care, naturopathic doctors help patients achieve long-term health improvements. Moreover, their holistic approach often includes stress management techniques and detoxification processes, which are crucial in today’s fast-paced world.

Fertility Acupuncture Clinic in Oakville: Enhancing Reproductive Health

For couples facing challenges with fertility, acupuncture has emerged as a supportive treatment that complements conventional medical interventions. A fertility acupuncture clinic in Oakville provides specialized services aimed at improving reproductive health for both men and women.

Acupuncture enhances fertility by regulating hormonal balance, improving blood flow to reproductive organs, and reducing stress, which can significantly impact conception. Many studies suggest that acupuncture, when used in conjunction with in-vitro fertilization (IVF), can increase the success rates of pregnancy. Clinics in Oakville offer a serene environment where patients can benefit from this ancient Chinese practice under the guidance of experienced practitioners.

The holistic nature of fertility acupuncture also involves addressing underlying health issues such as polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), endometriosis, and sperm quality concerns. By adopting a comprehensive approach, these clinics not only support immediate reproductive goals but also promote overall well-being.

Glutathione IV Therapy in Oakville: The Ultimate Antioxidant Boost

In the realm of advanced wellness therapies, glutathione IV therapy in Oakville stands out as a powerful treatment for enhancing the body’s natural detoxification processes. Glutathione is a potent antioxidant that plays a critical role in neutralizing free radicals, supporting immune function, and detoxifying the liver.

Administered intravenously, glutathione therapy ensures maximum absorption and immediate availability to the body’s cells. This method is particularly beneficial for individuals dealing with chronic illnesses, those recovering from heavy metal exposure, or anyone seeking to boost their overall vitality.

Regular glutathione IV treatments can lead to improved energy levels, clearer skin, and better mental clarity. Additionally, it’s an effective strategy for athletes looking to enhance their performance and recovery. The clinics in Oakville providing this service are equipped with trained healthcare professionals who tailor treatments to meet individual health needs.

Conclusion Exploring natural and integrative health services can provide profound benefits for your overall well-being. Whether you are seeking the personalized care of a naturopathic doctor in Mississauga, the targeted benefits of a fertility acupuncture clinic in Oakville, or the rejuvenating effects of glutathione IV therapy in Oakville, the Greater Toronto Area offers a wealth of options to support your health journey.

#glutathione iv therapy mississauga #Naturopath milton #Glutathione iv therapy oakville #IV therapy Milton #Naturopath clinic milton #Naturopathic doctor in oakville

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shahananasrin-blog · 1 year ago

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[ad_1] After using their dead name, the doctor opened the door to greet Leighton Schreyer, who was waiting in the exam room to discuss fertility preservation. The rest of the appointment passed in a blur with a few gendered phrases sticking out like knives in the consultation. "When women menstruate, we…." their doctor explained. "Since you're choosing to change… We'll inject female hormones…" By the end of it, Schreyer, a Canadian medical student at the University of Toronto who identifies as trans and genderqueer and uses they/them pronouns, was emotionally exhausted from their experience in the clinic, which claimed it was "LGBTQ inclusive" but did little more than put up a few rainbow flags. Unfortunately, Schreyer was used to experiencing stereotypes and stigmatization in medicine — in fact, that's what led them to go to medical school in the first place. "I was inspired by those negative experiences to try and be the healthcare provider that I needed when I was younger," Schreyer told Salon in a phone interview. "To be the kind of provider who really sits down and listens to the patient and understands their story and takes the time to value their experiences and understand their wants and their needs." At 20 years old, Schreyer wasn't looking to start a family. They wanted to preserve their eggs before starting hormones in case they decided they wanted to have children in the future. Because this procedure was time-sensitive, Schreyer didn't bother searching for another clinic to do the rest of their egg cryopreservation. They had already contacted numerous clinics and starting over would risk scheduling the same consultation with another provider that could misgender them — or worse. At that point, the process had already delayed their medical transition for months. It is still legal for adoption service providers or foster care agencies to deny LGBTQ people parenthood, so fertility treatment is sometimes the only possible way to have children. "It was definitely something that I was very anxious about," Schreyer said. "For me, I was very eager to start the medical transition process, and [fertility preservation] felt like a very big hurdle. … It was this block getting in the way of all this other stuff that was what was important and what I needed." From a lack of representation in educational materials and healthcare providers to gendered language in insurance policies that excludes single people or same-sex couples from coverage, the LGBTQ community faces barriers to fertility treatment that do not exist for heterosexual or cisgender patients. Yet the LGBTQ community often needs to greater access these services because they may not be able to conceive on their own or, like Schreyer, may be medically transitioning and need to preserve their eggs beforehand. Meanwhile, it is still legal for adoption service providers or foster care agencies to deny LGBTQ people parenthood, so fertility treatment is sometimes the only possible way to have children if that is what members of the community are seeking. "For our community, to have children requires medical help," said Dr. Mark Leondires, the founder of Illume Fertility and Gay Parents To Be, who is also gay and went through his own fertility journey to start his family with his partner. "There aren't a lot of options to succeed without the help of a fertility center or at least an OB-GYN, but not everybody is willing to help and the information on how to get started and where to go is not always available." "For our community, to have children requires medical help." Just 14 states have passed laws that require insurers to cover in vitro fertilization (IVF), but some, for example, require couples to use their "own eggs and sperm." This language automatically excludes same-sex couples or, for example, asexual people who want to have a child on their own because they may require donors. Meanwhile, it wasn't until April 2022 that it became legal for a surrogate to carry a pregnancy in New York while in Nebraska, it is still illegal to have two same-sex parents listed on a child's birth certificate. Many of the more than 500 anti-LGBTQ bills that have been introduced around the country in the past year are related to reproductive healthcare and fertility. In qualitative studies and interviews, members of the community report having to navigate a system that was not made for them and that any language that does exist to include the LGTBQ community often ignores the diversity of identities and fertility needs within the acronym. "Representation is a big thing," Schreyer said. "Even if you've walked into a space and they say they're affirming, if you don't see yourself reflected in any of the resources that are being cited, in the staff or even in the other patients, it can be a very isolating experience." The system is instead designed for people with fertility problems, which isn't the case for many LGBTQ individuals seeking treatment, said Kelly B. Gregory, a public health researcher at the University of Waterloo in Canada. In a 2022 study by Gregory, patients said mandatory counseling sessions in fertility treatment were gendered and patronizing, with counselors asking questions like, "How are you going to tell your child that your husband is not their actual father?" to two lesbians. "[Participants] described this sort of repetitive nature as something that can really build up to be exhausting, especially when you consider that this can be a really long process for some folks," Gregory told Salon in a phone interview. "This sends a message to the community that their needs are unimportant and can contribute to further distancing and marginalizing individuals from healthcare systems and services." Some fertility treatments can cost $20,000 for a single pass at insemination, with the complete cost of a baby when it's all said and done costing upwards of $200,000. Although these price tags are large for anyone looking to have children, LGBTQ individuals have been shown to earn less than their heterosexual or cisgender colleagues, and verbiage in certain insurance policies can make out-of-pocket costs more common for the LGBTQ community. The system is instead designed for people with fertility problems, which isn't the case for many LGBTQ individuals seeking treatment. Schreyer says they were lucky to have success in their first egg retrieval attempt because only one procedure was covered by their insurance. However, they were required to pay out-of-pocket for the mandatory series of injections they took in the days leading up to the procedure to prepare the eggs for retrieval. Schreyer's eggs are now being frozen and stored for the day that they may want to use them, and they are also paying additional out-of-pocket costs for each year of storage. Leondires said some of his patients, of whom about 80% identify as LGBTQ, are young, have been kicked out of their homes and must choose between egg cryopreservation and gender-affirming surgery, which are also both expensive and often paid out of pocket. "They may choose top surgery instead, and they'll just deal with the family-building consequences later," Leondires said. "I think it's hard for somebody who is, you know, 16 to 25 to think about having children when they're really just thinking about how to feel right in their own bodies." Some of the barriers people who identify as LGBTQ face when seeking fertility treatment, like healthcare providers using gendered language or making assumptions about sexuality and health outcomes, are not unique to fertility treatment. However, fertility and reproductive healthcare are inherently tied to organ systems like uteruses that have been historically gendered. "Some of these topics for trans people can be very uncomfortable, and a transmasculine person might not be super comfortable talking about things like menstruation," Schreyer said. "Recognizing that and checking in with people at the beginning of appointments, in terms of what language they are comfortable with using [can be beneficial]." "I think it's hard for somebody who is 16 to 25 to think about having children when they're really just thinking about how to feel right in their own bodies." Fertility treatment can already be a long, complicated and emotionally grueling process before these additional barriers, added Dr. Abi Kirubarajan, an ob-gyn resident at McMaster University and researcher at TRIO Fertility in Toronto. In a meta-analysis of studies assessing cultural competence in fertility clinics conducted with co-authors Dr. Sony Sierra and Dr. Priyanka Patel, also of TRIO Fertility, Kirubarajan found heteronormative language excluding same-sex couples and nonbinary patients left many unsure of what options were available to them. Instead, many patients reported they had to be the ones to educate providers about their fertility needs. "It can be some of the most emotionally and physically taxing experiences that people go through, as well as an opportunity for genuine joy and excitement about the future," Kirubarajan told Salon in a phone interview. "So anything that providers can do to make that patient experience better and more safe, more equitable, is really important." The effects of these additional barriers can be far-reaching. One 2020 study found almost one-quarter of transgender individuals surveyed avoided seeking healthcare because they anticipated facing discrimination when they walked through a health center's doors. Another 2021 report found transgender youth experience increased rates of discrimination in addition to legal, economic and social obstacles when seeking healthcare. Because of these systemic barriers, LGBTQ individuals do not access care at the same rate as heterosexual or cisgender people, and experience health disparities as a result. Want more health and science stories in your inbox? Subscribe to Salon's weekly newsletter Lab Notes. "If I go to a health care provider to seek out care, and I have a negative experience where there's discrimination and harassment, where I'm being misgendered, I'm being dead-named, maybe my concerns are not taken seriously, or I'm being invalidated and stereotyped, then in the future, I might be a lot more reluctant and resistance to seeking out care," Schreyer said. Despite the hurdles the LGBTQ community faces when seeking fertility treatment, data suggest many are finding a way to start families anyway. One large center in the Bay Area reported the number of LGBTQ patients seen at the clinic has been increasing by double-digit percentages for the past six years. The 2019 LGBTQ Family Building Survey found that 48% of Millennials are actively planning to have children, suggesting the need for inclusive services is not going away any time soon. "The drive to be a parent supersedes the fear of oppression and marginalization for most LGBTQ+ people," Leondires said. "They're going to do it right and they're going to deal with the discrimination and the raised eyebrows and the disapproving looks from the people that are supposed to be helping them." Last month, legislators called on the director of the Federal Employees Health Benefits program to change the definition of infertility used by participating health insurance carriers, which cover 8 million Americans. In a letter to director Kiran Ahujathey, they said the current language was "outdated" and lacked inclusivity, "particularly for the LGBTQ community." "By limiting coverage to these individuals only after six cycles of insemination with donor sperm, we are effectively denying them access to necessary fertility treatments, placing an undue burden on their path to parenthood," they wrote. In 2021, Illinois passed a law expanding fertility treatment coverage to same-sex couples, and New York passed one the same year that required fertility services to be covered regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity. In March of this year, Connecticut passed a bill expanding insurance coverage for fertility treatments used by LGBTQ patients. Schreyer said they'd also like to see changes in medical education to reflect the diversity of healthcare needs within the LGBTQ community, especially for gender-affirming care. In the meantime, providers can change their forms to be gender inclusive and not be afraid to make mistakes and ask patients what their preferences are when it comes to their gender and the language they prefer, as well as what their fertility needs are. Ultimately, a commitment to LGBTQ inclusivity recognizes the individuality of each patient and their needs, rather than planting a rainbow flag outside the office and considering the work done. "Right from the undergraduate level, we see there's really poor education in terms of gender-affirming care, LGBTQ care and any kind of equity, diversity, or inclusivity within healthcare ... and stigma and stereotypes are perpetuated," Schreyer said. "Fundamentally, there needs to be change there in terms of valuing LGBTQ and gender-affirming care in order to shift the whole system." Read more about LGBTQ health disparities [ad_2]

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theovolife · 2 months ago

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Egg Freezing in Ontario: Everything You Need to Know

Egg freezing in Ontario is becoming an increasingly popular option for women who want to preserve their fertility for the future. Whether you're facing medical treatments that may affect your fertility or you simply want to delay having children, understanding the process is essential. In this FAQ guide, we’ll cover everything you need to know about egg freezing, including how the process works, its benefits, and what to expect, so you can make an informed decision for your reproductive future.

What is egg freezing?

Egg freezing, also known as oocyte cryopreservation, is the process of freezing a woman’s eggs for future use. This procedure allows you to store your eggs at a younger age, so when you’re ready to have children later in life, you can use those eggs with assisted reproductive technologies like IVF (in vitro fertilization).

Why should I consider egg freezing?

Women in Ontario may choose egg freezing for several reasons:

Medical reasons: Women undergoing medical treatments like chemotherapy, which may impact fertility, can freeze their eggs to preserve their reproductive potential.

Career or personal goals: If you want to delay having children due to career, education, or other personal reasons, egg freezing can give you the flexibility to decide when the time is right.

Fertility preservation: Conditions like polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) or endometriosis may impact fertility, making egg freezing a preventive option.

How does the egg freezing process work?

The egg freezing process involves the following steps:

Stimulation of ovaries: Hormonal medications are prescribed to stimulate the ovaries to produce multiple eggs.

Monitoring: Your doctor will monitor the progress through blood tests and ultrasounds.

Egg retrieval: Once the eggs are mature, a minor surgical procedure is performed to collect them.

Freezing and storage: The collected eggs are frozen and stored for future use.

If you're looking for more detailed information on this, check out our guide on egg freezing Toronto.

How long can eggs be stored?

Eggs can be stored for many years, with some women choosing to store their eggs for up to 10 years. There is no strict limit on egg storage in Ontario, and your fertility clinic will guide you on the best practices for long-term storage.

What are the chances of success with egg freezing?

The success of egg freezing depends on several factors:

Age: The younger you are, the higher the chances of successful egg freezing. Women under 35 generally experience better outcomes.

Egg quality: Healthy eggs have a better chance of fertilization and successful pregnancy.

Fertility health: Pre-existing fertility issues may affect the success rate.

For more on success rates, speak with a fertility expert who can give personalized advice.

What does egg freezing cost in Ontario?

The cost of egg freezing in Ontario typically ranges between $5,000 to $10,000 per cycle, with additional costs for medications, egg storage, and IVF procedures in the future. It's important to get a full breakdown of the costs from your fertility clinic before moving forward.

Are there any risks involved with egg freezing?

Egg freezing is generally safe, but it comes with some risks:

Ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS): This occurs when the ovaries respond too strongly to the hormonal medications used during the egg retrieval process.

Minor surgical risks: There is a small risk of bleeding or infection associated with the egg retrieval procedure.

Your fertility clinic will monitor you closely to minimize these risks.

What are the benefits of egg freezing?

Egg freezing offers several benefits:

Preserving fertility: By freezing your eggs while you are younger, you preserve your fertility for the future.

Flexibility: Egg freezing allows you to plan your family when you’re ready, even if it’s later in life.

Peace of mind: Egg freezing provides a backup plan for women who may face fertility challenges in the future.

What should I do before freezing my eggs?

Before considering egg freezing, take these steps:

Consult with a fertility specialist: A fertility doctor can assess your reproductive health and discuss your options.

Understand the costs: Make sure you are aware of all the costs involved in the egg freezing process, including future IVF costs.

Evaluate your health: Your overall health will play a role in the success of the procedure, so it's important to be in good health.

Consider your timeline: The earlier you freeze your eggs, the better the chances of success.

For more details about the egg freezing process, visit our page on Egg Freezing & Fertility Preservation in Toronto.

How do I choose the right fertility clinic for egg freezing in Ontario?

When choosing a fertility clinic, consider:

Success rates: Research the clinic's success rates for egg freezing and IVF.

Experience and expertise: Look for a clinic with experienced fertility specialists who can guide you through the entire process.

Comprehensive services: Ensure the clinic offers all the services you need, from counseling to fertility preservation.

Conclusion: Is egg freezing right for you?

Egg freezing offers women in Ontario the opportunity to preserve their fertility and have more control over their reproductive future. If you're considering this option, it's essential to consult with a fertility expert who can provide personalized advice. With the right knowledge and support, egg freezing can be a successful and empowering choice for your future.

For more information about egg freezing Toronto and fertility preservation, visit Egg Freezing & Fertility Preservation in Toronto.

#egg freezing #fertility #ivf specialist #women health #ivf treatment

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mariacallous · 2 years ago

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Last month’s spectacular raid from across the Ukrainian border brought the Russian region of Belgorod an unaccustomed level of public attention. Having spent some time in 2005-06 as a doctoral student conducting dissertation research in Belgorod and another Russian region bordering Ukraine, Krasnodar Krai, I would like to share a few thoughts on these two provinces and their complex history between Russia and Ukraine. The stories of these two regions shed light on the Kremlin’s success in focusing international attention on the construction of Ukrainian identity, while obscuring the ambiguities in Russia’s construction of its own boundaries.

I spent some months in Belgorod and Krasnodar as a graduate student in political science, working on a dissertation (later a book) about the evolution of freedom of movement and choice of residence in post-Soviet Russia. Russian colleagues in Moscow, where I was based, pointed out that the leaders of these two regions had taken contrasting policies toward migrants from other parts of the Russian Federation and other post-Soviet countries. Whereas Krasnodar’s populist governor used and abused the power of his office to harass newcomers (particularly those who were not ethnically Russian), Belgorod’s leadership affirmatively sought out highly educated and well-off new residents to improve the region’s human capital.

Starting out from Moscow for my field research, I had no idea that either Belgorod or Krasnodar had any historic connections to the neighboring, and to me still unfamiliar, Ukraine.

As I explored Belgorod, it proved to be a region of contradictions. It stood out among Russian regions at the time for its relatively smooth transition from the USSR’s planned economy to a successful capitalist one. Robust mining and agriculture — the province lies in Russia’s fertile “Black Earth” zone, which also extends into Ukraine — were now being supplemented by increased interest in Belgorod as a place to settle among well-off professionals from other parts of the country (particularly people from the far north, who found its warmer climate attractive). The regional capital, Belgorod city, was full of cranes and new apartment buildings. Belgorod also featured a lively civil society and academic community, both of which welcomed me and encouraged my interest in their region.

At the same time, despite the regional government’s supportive policies toward at least some new residents and its suppression of far-right violence against ethnic minorities, it was clear that strong public criticism of policies or officials was unwelcome. In other words, there was no real political opposition.

Belgorod was also the starting point for my first foray into Ukraine. Belgorod city is a short journey from Ukraine’s Kharkiv, and connections between the two have historically been close. Indeed, during the Soviet period, Kharkiv was arguably the local metropolis for Belgorod residents, the place to go for opportunities not available in the smaller regional capital. During my visit to Belgorod oblast, I heard some negative comments about Ukraine’s independence, including complaints about the disruption caused by an international border between neighboring communities and Ukraine’s official language policy.

When I eventually made it across the border, it was immediately clear that I was in a more pluralistic environment. I happened to arrive in Kharkiv during a parliamentary election campaign and was struck by the prevailing boisterous, open disagreement, and even the slinging of insults between political candidates, all of which contrasted sharply with the buttoned-up political conformism of Belgorod. I also noticed that despite the use of Ukrainian in official contexts, Russian was spoken everywhere — a situation most people I met seemed to regard as normal.

Yet in view of the political contrasts between Belgorod and Kharkiv, it’s worth reflecting that Belgorod itself has a complex history closely linked to Ukraine. In the early modern period, it was part of the “Wild Field,” a region of fractured sovereignty contested between the Muscovite state, Ukrainian Cossacks, and even the Ottoman Empire and Crimean Khanate. A significant proportion of the population is of ethnic Ukrainian origin, and early in the history of the USSR, Belgorod was even considered for inclusion in the Ukrainian Soviet Socialist Republic before ultimately being assigned to Russia. I was told that some older residents in rural districts spoke a local dialect derived from Ukrainian, which was even modeled for me once or twice by younger people, as an example of local color.

However, there’s no doubt that the region’s mixed Ukrainian-Russian identity is now mainly a matter of historical curiosity. Ukrainian has no official status and has not been used in public education at least since the 1930s. Whereas Kharkiv is effectively (though not officially) bilingual, Belgorod is monolingual in both law and practice. As far as I could determine, its residents have no interest in Ukraine as a political community that might include them in some way. Rather, they take their Russianness as both desirable and self-evident. Years later, having moved to Toronto, I noticed similar attitudes on both sides of the U.S.-Canadian border between Ontario and New York State. The border is taken for granted, and what lies on the other side is familiar but clearly other.

Many of these observations also apply to another Russian region that I visited during the same doctoral research: Krasnodar Krai, which is also sometimes referred to locally as the Kuban, after its main river. The region is familiar to many Westerners as the home of Sochi, a beach and mountain resort that hosted the 2014 Winter Olympics.

By a strange coincidence, Krasnodar also figured as one of the case studies in my dissertation, as its governor at the time, Nikolai Kondratenko, had earned a well-deserved reputation as a populist known for using administrative measures to harass newcomers to the region. While even ethnic Russians who moved to Krasnodar were targeted, the worst treatment was reserved for non-Slavs, such as Armenians and a small Turkish community from the Meskheti region of Georgia. Krasnodar clearly had a strong regional identity, rooted as I learned in its unusual and tragic history. Until the 19th century, the Black Sea littoral was the home of the Circassians, an indigenous community with a reputation as skilled horsemen and warriors, whom the advancing Russian Empire dispossessed and slaughtered in an act of calculated ethnic cleansing that resulted in the flight of most of the Circassian population into Turkey and other lands of the Ottoman Empire, where their descendants now live. The settlers who entered the region in the wake of Russian conquest were mainly from what is now Ukraine, and as in Belgorod, some reminders of this past linger in a fading local dialect.

Governor Kondratrenko emphasized some aspects of this history, as in his support for a local neo-Cossack movement and his tense relations with the Circassian community in Krasnodar and neighboring regions. Yet as in Belgorod, there was no discussion of any link to contemporary Ukraine. Whatever disagreements local residents might have with the Kremlin, Russia was their state, and Russian was the official language, required for official communication and professional advancement.

A few related points with contemporary relevance follow from these vignettes of my travels nearly 20 years ago. One is simply the disparity between, on the one hand, Russia’s insistent focus on the constructed nature of Ukraine’s national identity and its success in imposing that focus on much of the Western media and official discourse, and on the other hand Russia’s unwillingness to acknowledge that its own identity as a state and a civic community is also the result of deliberate construction, which in part involved the suppression of Ukrainian identity in these two regions. It’s noteworthy how little hay the Ukrainian government has tried to make of this past, even though, had history turned out a little differently, both Belgorod and Krasnodar could very easily have been included in Soviet and then independent Ukraine. Kyiv has never claimed them as Ukrainian territory, never denounced the border with Russia or derided it as fake or illegitimate, and never even pressured Russia to accord official status to the Ukrainian history and culture in Belgorod and Krasnodar.

In effect, Ukraine recognizes what should be obvious to every fair-minded observer, that although borders are by their nature political constructs that divide people and communities in artificial ways, the most humane course of action is to try to make the best of them.

As far as Ukraine is concerned, there is no reason why the people of Belgorod and Krasnodar should not visit, trade with, and otherwise engage with their neighbors in, say, Crimea, Donetsk, or other parts of Ukraine. For that matter, in a democratic Russian state, they would have the right to explore the Ukrainian and Circassian heritage of their regions without incurring official hostility. Although we are sadly far from such a reality, it is incumbent on Western observers of the Russian invasion of Ukraine not to accept at face value the Kremlin’s messaging that the Ukrainian state is artificial and in need of correction, which presumably it is Russia’s role to provide.

As Professor Louis Römer of Vassar College has pointed out to me, Russia’s focus on Ukraine’s alleged fragility and defects is an intrinsically colonial narrative that treats one political community as necessarily subject to guidance from another. The point is not that Russia’s heritage of conquest is unique: indeed, as a native of the former Mexican territory of Alta California, I am aware of the violent process that resulted in its annexation by the United States. But the Putin regime’s success in crushing alternative voices within Russia should not lead international observers to accept its self-serving historical myths at face value.

And a second, related point: the authoritarian Russian state’s erasure of Ukrainian identity in Belgorod and Krasnodar paradoxically suggests some ways in which Ukraine is stronger than many outside observers believed and indeed stronger than Russia. Contrary to the Kremlin’s narrative, Ukraine’s well-publicized debates about official language policy and other regional differences reflect something highly positive about the country’s political evolution to date: the emergence and acceptance of pluralism over the post-Soviet period. One of my professors in graduate school, Ian Shapiro of Yale University, was known for saying that wherever you are told there is consensus, you should instead look out for hegemony.

Indeed, while I met many good-hearted, humane people in Belgorod and Krasnodar who would flourish in a more open political system, such an opportunity is denied to them by a state that evidently believes it can only survive by silencing all dissenting or even unofficial interpretations of its own history. In contrast, no one would say Ukraine’s politics are characterized by consensus, yet its fractious people have come together to oppose Putin’s invasion with a determination that has amazed the world. It is Ukraine’s good fortune that it has found within itself the strength to construct a civic identity built on the acceptance of difference, and Ukraine’s tragedy that Russia has failed to do so.

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