#fennec: sends a quick lil ask probably not expecting me to go off

[deathlikelead]

y r the shameless men in jail btw

oof okay so buckle up, this is about to be a whole lot of text blocks, but i love them and i'm allergic to shutting the fuck up.

so ian ran away to join the army, but he was 17, so he stole lip's (his older brother) identity to join up, but he had a break while he was there after developing bipolar disorder and tried to steal a helicopter, but just ended up breaking the rotors, and then going awol. he starts doing drugs and Erotic Dancing™ in boys town for money even though he's still seventeen, but when he finally comes home and cleans up, and after he's kidnapped his boyfriend's son, he finally gets diagnosed with bipolar disorder and gets medication. the medication Fucks Him Up, and he purposefully burns his hand on a hot stove just trying to Feel Something, which doesn't work, but he comes home, and his older half-adopted paternal sister/half-biological paternal cousin, sammi, is patching him up, and he confesses everything to her because he's making conversation and he's also an idiot. later on, carl, ian's younger brother, gets chuckie, sammi's son, arrested bc he's got him carrying drugs for him, and sammi is pissed that chuckie got arrested, so to get back at the entire family, she reports ian to the military police so that they have to lose someone they care about, too.

ian gets out of prison in like three days, but that's not before mickey (ian's boyfriend, as you probably can tell) and debbie (ian's little sister) have taken it upon themselves to enact revenge on sammi. the plan was to drug her and torture her, but mickey didn't know she had prescription meds, so the drugging goes a little Too Well, and he and debbie assume that she's dead and pack her body up in a moving crate and decide from there on out, it's someone else's problem. except she's not dead. so she shows back up like a week later, full of fury. she makes several attempts to shoot mickey in revenge, and that draws the attention of police, landing both of them in prison for attempted murder.

ian and mickey break up. ian pretends to move on. a year later, mickey, the slutty slutty man that he is, has seduced his way into escaping prison. (the funny part of this is that ian currently has a boyfriend and he's there when the cops show up to ask ian if mickey has contacted him. the second the cop says "mikhailo aleksandr milkovich" you can actually see the relationship end lol) so anyway, mickey shows back up. they fuck like old lovers. mickey asks ian to run away with him, and the two of them head for the border together. ian decides he can't go, but mickey doesn't really have a choice, so he leaves for mexico and ian goes home.

ian's mom dies. ian has a remarkably bad manic episode and the Gay Jesus phenomenon is born. he blows up a van. when he finally does go down for this, he's in his cell, taking a minute to breathe and process the fact that he's in fucking prison. and then, the door to his cell opens and there's mickey, smirking at him and making top and bottom jokes. mickey, having presumably heard about ian's episode, given like the entire world knows, since it was Very Public, and Very Viral, turns himself in and rolls on the drug cartel he'd been working for in mexico in exchange for choosing where he gets locked up and who his cellmate is.

so tl;dr: ian's in prison for arson, mickey's in prison for attempted murder and homosexuality.