#femininity as u is inadequate.

[cruelsister-moved2]

ive a post about this somewhere but i feel like people need to understand that the reason butch and femme are binary isnt JUST to do with the fact that theyre specific interpersonal roles but also like they have to be binary to actually be free. like there’s no one way to ‘look’ butch or femme - i know you guys are very very into the pink fluffy full face of makeup hyperfeminine high heeled look but a lot of our presentation is actually very subtle. often times you look at a picture of a femme from the past and the only reason you know they’re femme is that they aren’t butch. in a world that pushes hyperfemininity on women and constantly makes us feel like we aren’t feminine enough (and the solution is to buy more things) (and our standards of femininity are biased in favour of thin, cis, white, abled people) femme identity can be about finding your femininity in jeans and a t-shirt, through your position in relation to butch women.

you cannot turn this into a ranking system and think that it’s progressive. you cannot be more or less femme, you’re just either femme or you’re not. femmes can be gnc! wearing practical, comfy clothes is literally more femme than wearing shein. you have to recognise how challenging it is to separate femininity from discomfort and consumption, and when i see someone who extensively performs femininity call themselves futch because they don’t shave their legs or they have short hair, I’m not seeing some kind of progressive meta-androgyny I’m just seeing the grasping claws of compulsory femininity telling everyone in my community that we have to work harder to be feminine ENOUGH or masculine ENOUGH

[supermaks]

Danica just an average conservative white woman in sports for her to regurgitate bs about biology and sex and gender is not that shocking. Also she's particularly insane like she's very crazy her politics are like january 6th scary. But to say that to a kid .. i FIND it so irresponsible .. not just her behavior but also the people who hired her how do u not set some guidelines and like basic standards about this. Like thats a kids broadcast. I keep thinking about her answer like it didnt even start that bad. 'the odds are not in girls favor' like ok this is just true .. not all kids are given the same material and resources and mechanics and teams so right from the start u dont create a level playing field. Theres all types of fucked up social hierarchies built into this especially in motorsport theres some things that u either have or u dont, money being the most important ((obvi talent plays into it but if somebody never gets to develop their talent then its not really fair. it has nothing to do wid kids' own merits just the system they're born into thru no fault of their own)) So like ok so far so good she's speaking from experience she knows how it feels that's a credible valuable source on this. But then mf says

'the mindset that it takes to be really good is something that’s not normal in a feminine mind' SORRY. sorry. How the fuck are u gonna stand there and say that to a kid whos literally looking up to u rn as the symbol of that very thing not being true. Or did u win in Japan wid magical male rage powers u stupid fucking dinosaur. No u won because u were better u drove better. Because motorsport ((and sport in general but lets not even get into that whew)) shud never be about stupid fucking dumb sex metrics and about competition, focus and just complete devotion to what u do and being the best at it. How are u gonna tell girls, nb, queer trans boys, who are different, who dont have a 'masculine' mind, whatvr that means, that they are biologically inadequate to race cars and that they don't belong, knowing u have the credibility and influence to actually make an impact. Its just so deeply irresponsible. And nobody challenged her or argued this she got to have her lil im not like other girls I punch walls moment and move on. F her fr omfg

Also sorry this is the context mdjfksdfj

[menalez]

Hii mena! Its okay if i rant for a bit? 😭 i peaked (more or less) recently and it feels so. isolating i guess. It has done wonders for my mental health and my self esteem though! The pressure of being femenine and wearing make up and shaving and trying to fit in etc is gone (at least the pressure i used to put on myself) so ive stopped feeling like shit whenever i had to conform to any of that. The problem is that the entirety of my circle of friends, whom i love dearly, are libfems and very alligned with gender ideology (we live in a VERY gendie positive place). So. While i obviously hang out and talk a lot with them Ive started to get weird looks from them whenever i wear smth that shows my unshaved legs or critique anything having to do with idk plastic surgery and diets (thats a topic that idk why comes up A LOT because some of them like to discuss which procedures would they like to get and how much they cost anddd i didnt realize why i felt so uneasy with that and how fucked up it is until i peaked i guess). Ive tried gently critiqueing it whenever it came up, because i honestly feel like my self esteem drops whenever they start to talk about it, but i only receive weird looks and eye rolls and whatevs. And like. I love them, i really do, and its really hard for me to make friends and im lucky to have them. But lately whenever i get back home from hanging with them i feel ugly and dirty and inadequate and like maybe i should either stop talking to them or start shaving and fitting in again. Idk. One of them texted me today and asked if im still a girl or im nonbinary. I just wish they would listen to me and my perspective but im really afraid that i will labeled as a terf because thats like instant harassment at the art college im going rn. This is really badly worded and im sorry but im kind of a mess :") i just wanted to know if you have any word of advice. Thanks in advance :(

congrats on reaching this point anon!! your friends sound .. awful honestly. but you should know their logic and what will get through to them better than me, especially since you held similar beliefs relatively recently. if it were me i would’ve answered that friend asking if ur nonbinary by first asking her why she asked that and why she thinks that. if she points out stuff like body hair or not wearing makeup or not being feminine, i���d say that those things don’t mean someone isn’t a woman & it’s enforcing gender roles to say they’re necessary for women to do. use their language and their logic when contradicting them. when criticising plastic surgery, think of what they care about and what would make them listen. if they’re anti-capitalism bring up how it’s a capitalist ploy. if they care about feminism, talk about how plastic surgery advertising involves fuelling the insecurities of women for profit. it depends on what their priorities are and u can bring up many things to appeal to what they care about. if they care about ur feelings u can also try to find a way to gently tell them that they’ve been making u feel insecure / bad about urself and it makes it hard for u to live ur life as u want to. hopefully they’d at the very least respect that, if not … perhaps finding new friends even if difficult is better for u

[franciskirkland]

fruk for the controversial ask game obvi

ooooohooohhohohohoooo thank you very much anon i was waiting for this!

!! disclaimer !! i have many different AUs with unique characterizations so im going to generalize a bit here, not every minor detail will be taken into consideration

who makes the important decisions? not who's generally more dominant, but life-or-death situations, who's calling the shots?

especially in a context where they've been together a long time, i think they equally do. if it has to do with their kids, i think it'd be Francis. stuff like where they live, buying a house, monumental decisions like that, or in dangerous situations, i think that's Arthur's domain.

more likely to have a criminal record? petty crime included.

again both of them lol this is a hard one. i know this is my own ask meme and i was the one to say be divisive. i will cautiously say Arthur slightly more likely but Francis probably does too

on that note, who's most likely to kill and get away with it?

Arthur could. Francis is conniving but too messy and his feminine wiles can only get him so far.

who would die to save the other, and who would put themselves first?

oh gosh this makes me sad. like many of these i can see it either way and i don't think one could live without the other!! Francis would absolutely die to save his kids, though, i can say that for sure. but that being said esp if they have a family, i think Artie would die in Fran's place

who's more level headed, and who's the emotional wreck?

easy one. even with his temper, Arthur is more sensible, and Francis is guided by his heart.

who's objectively more intelligent? it's okay, you can be honest.

i don't always characterize Francis as dumb but sometimes i do and i'm not afraid to say i think Arthur is generally more booksmart.

who's objectively more attractive and has the other worried that they're not good enough?

hah. i love this trope. i'm not saying Arthur is ugly, he can be strikingly handsome, but compared to Francis' ethereal, immaculate beauty, he often feels inadequate.

who's more manipulative?

hmm, Francis. he can be very manipulative to get what he wants, even without bad intent, whereas Arthur can be evil but it's often more outright.

who's more of a gossip?

Franny! he's such a blabbermouth and can be two-faced. Arthur isn't immune to gossip tho

more selfish? not superficially vain, but actually self-centered.

i believe Arthur is more selfish in the true sense of the word, even if Francis is confident and vain

who was a bully in high school?

hmm it really depends. i can see Fran as a mean girl, Arthur also has bully potential. they probably both were. sorry babes xx

who's more likely to be physically violent?

Arthur. i can't really see Francis hurting anyone that way, at least in human-verse (putting aside the fact they're literally nations at war lol)

overall, who's got the worst mean streak?

Arthur, sorry if i sound biased.

who's better with money and who's a reckless spender?

Arthur is more financially responsible, bordering on stingy at times. Francis isn't necessarily reckless (he can be materialistic) but he does enjoy the finer things life has to offer

who's the drunk and who's the enabler?

love this one. so obviously Francis is kind of a wino, but i don't really see him as an alcoholic in an addicted way. Arthur has BIG ALCOHOLIC ENERGY. sorry not sorry. that man is a drunk and Francis has to suffer through it.

who's more forgiving? (i.e. when they shouldn't be)

Francis, cause he's a sweetie (and a dummy)

what are their MBTI types? (16personalities.com if you're not familiar. if you have multiple characterizations, go with canon.)

i do have several diff versions of them in my fics so this is not super nuanced. generally, i will deem Arthur ISTJ and Francis ENFP. woah. total opposites?? i didn't even do that on purpose.

i had a lot of fun doing this!!! please don't hate me besties ok thank u again for the ask xx

[dancedance-resolution]

i’ve decided instagram is evil incarnate

[oofjaemin]

⌠ NAM JOO-HYUK, 25, CISMALE, HE/HIM ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, JAEMIN ‘ JAE ’ WOO! according to their records, they’re a SECOND year, specializing in DRIVER’S ED + COVERT OPS; and they DID go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of ( lipstick stains on shirt collars, sweaty sprints at dawn to start the day, being shirtless for no apparent reason, soft smirks when he’s up to no good ). when it’s the ( cancer )’s birthday on 7/17/1995, they always request their HAEJANGGUK from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation.

i’ll do a proper graphic / maybe add to this when it’s not 7am buuuut.... here’s jae — i just wanna say i now have four muses on the torres floor so that’s automatically the best floor x

some of his character parallels: 

stirling archer | archer - 96 %

samantha jones | sex and the city - 96 %

lucifer morningstar | lucifer - 95 %

barney stinson | how i met your mother - 95 %

maeby funke | arrested development - 93 %

chuck bass | gossip girl - 92 %

EL PINTERESTO

anyways. he a massive Hoe. i feel it had to be done after 3 of my muses coupled up 

his fam are part of The Spy Life, actually used to be very good friends with a certain mr steven park’s family until jae kinda... was jae and they split the bond, rip xx

he didn’t do anything major but the parks really didn’t want him around their sons, but jae doesn’t listen to rules or authority and said fuck that, i do what i want ?? plus he was hella close to both steve n andrew so he legit didn’t care what their parent’s wishes were and that kinda forced their hand to put a stop to it

he’s just very very impulsive, chooses fun and pleasure above all else and isn’t the most mature, a chaotic neutral.... jeez wonder why the parks wanted better for their kids JHSBJHBS

anywhoooo he actually gets on well with his own family !! has a sister who is very obedient, hard working and polite ( maybe i’ll do a wc ?? ) and while his parents do want him to succeed and focus in life.... they’ve known jae all his life and frankly they’re tired of repeating themselves and have found it’s better to just let him be as he’s much worse when he rebels

you’d think a twenty five year old would be less childish but ???? fuck age norms

he is actually very intelligent ?? sometimes 

his family have a tradition of attending university before a spy academy, to sort of prove your worth, intelligence, hard work, determination etc and it’s a bit of security to fall back on if anything were to happen to the family, their ties in the spy world, or themselves as individuals — plus it can be used as a something of a cover too ! plus... if you don’t do this step, the family consider you inadequate and you won’t get any money !!! 

it was a big incentive for jae who likes expensive cars and jetting round the world without a care so he studied law at cambridge and part of him thinks about ditching the spy world all together and becoming a lawyer but he’s dissuaded by the difference in potential money jhbjshbjs

his dad wanted him in weapons training but he said ‘ no x ’ and chose driver’s ed instead bc he likes to skrr skrrrrrr but don’t let him in ur car bc he might wreck it... not bc he can’t drive but he’s just a bloody idiot and will try and see if he can flip it or something

he’s a massive dick to his hook ups, tho not so much intentionally, but defo the type to be less than interested in you as soon as he’s finished jsbjhbjhbthe classic ‘ you’re still here ? ’ if he’s woken up and you’re beside him — but he can be quite a gentleman beforehand to ensure he sleeps with you, so i’ll apologise now for him xxx

has a lot of ‘ friends ’ but probs only a small few of people he’d actually put before himself ( imma say steve exclusively ) 

he’s just a bit of a mess about, likes to play and doesn’t really care who’s expense it comes at as long as it’s not his but he’s not like a full on dick or outwardly mean for the sake of it, he just does what he wants and what he wants can change quite quickly so he’s not one to be sentimental or put the effort in to ensure you’re not offended or hurt

drinks a lot, smokes a bit, other drugs occasionally 

pansexual but defo Het Energy bc he’s probs only slept w girls im p sure

was in the chess club at cambridge like a loser

he 6′2 : ) 

brain kinda empty but i think i covered everything ??? 

some connections i’d love 

defo hook ups plssssssssss, even if it’s ex ones or a one night stand kind of thing, i feel if he continuously hooks up w someone they defo know he’s not keeping up the act of being polite n courteous so ??? can either be mutual or a thing they clash on — i’d say he probs has a preference for feminine peeps but only bc he’s never explored the other side of things but he’d be down to, for sure, i just do not think he’s a bottom so JHBHSJHB

some fitness friends, he really loves going for runs and jogs and wouldn’t mind a buddy to do it alongside him, same with just general gym buds or sparring partners !! 

family friends / enemies / neutral ? the woos are fairly known in korea, obvs they’ve cut ties w the parks so it could have some collateral w other families !!

someone he annoys the hell out of, bickering 24/7 ???? sign me tf up !! maybe they’re just as immature as he is or literally can’t stand him at all !! 

ok i think thats it but may add to when i wake up : ) pls either like dis, react when i post it in discord, or simply message me for plots n ideas !!! i will probs post an open tho if u wud rather see the vibe n chemistry !!! 

@gallagherintro

[drangues]

I hope you’re right, but the future remains to be seen. On the upside, I’m finally gonna be able to see my therapist again! Which is good because I can finally report back on how my meds are doing. Also nooo I’m sorry your teacher is a Fool, that sucks. They clearly don’t know Good Kitty Doodles when they see them. Anyways, YEAH their dynamic is one of my favorites, they’re like. The definition of the vitriolic best buds trope, I feel like? (Nyanon, 1/7)

And it is a bit annoying when people reduce them to Kunikida hating Dazai and Dazai mocking Kunikida, because like you said, that’s part of it!!! But they also trust each other a lot, Dazai genuinely believes that Kunikida is a good man and I do think he tries to base a lot of his morals off of Kunikida’s (and Oda and Atsushi and Fukuzawa, but this isn’t about them), and I think that, while he finds Dazai’s antics annoying, Kunikida very clearly trusts and cares about him? (Nyanon, 2/7)

Sure he thinks he could take things more seriously, but he trusts in his ability to get the job done when it needs to happen, and he even plays into his antics a few times! That fic does sound like them though, Dazai being Extra and Kunikida being exasperated because “you’re dying and this isn’t a manga (unless we break the fourth wall)??? Please focus on staying alive so you can actually confess to the brat.” I love the two of them so much. (Nyanon, 3/7)

Moving on a bit, I seem to have bad luck with friends??? If they don’t randomly stop talking to me if they’re online friends (not for mean reasons, contact just tapers off), then I’ve has like. Physically abusive friends and friends who lied to me and took advantage of how gullible I was as a kid? I’d hope I get a friend like that but at this rate I’ve accepted my lot as a hermit. I am an introvert though, so I guess it’s fair. Back to BSD, though! (Nyanon, 4/7)

I BET OLD ATSUSHI GETS IT FROM FUKUZAWA, he’s been taught his Ways. And Atsushi is probably the one giving people hugs half the time, he’s touch starved and very nice to hold and be held by, again, like a cat- Speaking of, at least it’s a nice rent free thought and not something Super Weird like the theme song of a kids show (yes I hate having songs stuck in my head). But yeah, poor thing needs hugs, preferably from the rest of the ADA when he’s feeling inadequate. (Nyanon, 5/7)

I want them to tell him how much he means to them and shower him with love and affection. And listen, Atsushi is a Literal catboy but he isn’t anywhere near as chaotic as Dazai is, he isn’t a sadist, he isn’t a sugar addict, he isn’t,, The Tanizaki Family (TM), as far as Kunikida is concerned it’s a dream come true. The fact that he actually does try his best and take on extra work when Kunikida is overwhelmed is just a bonus. (Nyanon, 6/7)

Also Atsushi is an indulgent big brother who says fuck gender norms, he adores Kyouka to bits and if she wants him to model some fashion that she likes then he isn’t gonna say no. Anyways, moving on to another Scenario Concept: I’m reading a chat fic right now, so how do you think that’d go with BSD? I know they aren’t action stories but they’re always great if you find a good one,,, I feel like there’d be pictures of Atsushi as a tiger are being thrown around at lightspeed. (Nyanon, 7/7)

WOOO HELL YEAH IM GLAD YOU CAN GET BACK TO YOUR THERAPIST!! make sure to take not of EVERYTHING all right?? dont reduce to “eh it’s fine” S M H

and yes!!! i also hate how theyre reduced like that, though we also got the anime adaption to blame here because they really love to Crank That Part Of The Dynamic up, so the fans are not TOO much to blame. Plus as you said, they trust each other a lot clearly. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MAN FUCK ALL YOUR FRIENDS YOUVE HAD SO FAR S M H, i hope the abusive ones Rot In Hell they did not deserve to do that to you i swear. i understand if this makes you be more closed off but please dont let that hinder you from experiencing the true beauty of people that actually care!!! relationships/friendships take time to build so just have patience im sure youll get someone soon!! i believe in you!!

man you have songs stuck in your head?? mood, i feel that, it’s pretty hard for me to have Something stuck in my head for too long because of how many different thoughts my brain spits out constantly, it’s like several tabs open with many of them playing different sounds it’s all a M E S S but i like it uwu

atsushi is the Least weird in the ADA and kunikida appreciates him, im sure kunikida is the type to say something caring in a threatening voice and then play it off as something Logical like “make sure to not overwork yourself- good health is important for good work ethics”

i’m sure atsushi would feel weird being shoved feminine stuff in his face at first, but because he cant say and loves kyouka to bits he would sit through it and start actually liking it because really, why Not? Whats Wrong Exactly? nothing. thats the point.

I WANT A CHATFIC OF THE ADA LIKE FROM WHEN ATSUSHI FIRST GETS HIS PHONE AND ALL THE CHATFICS THERE MAN (though except for all those intense ass arcs man i like fics where i ignore the canon arcs that happened because F U C K that personally, bsd has VERY emotionally draining arcs imo and mainly the reason i stuck around is cause of the characters OSGDHJSK)

[tsikadatsvirka]

U KNOW WHAT i keep thinking about the dysphoria = trans thing and i wish that people didnt have to be so awful about it because its a really interesting argument that needs to be talked about. Dysphoria itself is so strange because it is not the drive that pushes you to transition, in fact it is paralysing. When youre so dysphoric you can't allow yourself to be masculine OR feminine. Like im transmasc and while dysphoria would make me feel like shit for doing things I see as feminine like wearing thigh highs or jewelry, it would also make me feel like shit for boxing, working out, cutting firewood because I constantly felt like I was inadequate and getting self conscious and impeding on my ability to do these traditionally masculine things even when they would affirm my gender.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Magnus loved putting his hair in feminine hairstyles but Camille humiliated him over it so he cut his hair short and styled iy in masculine hairstyles only. It was decades later that Alec accidentally discovered this and encouraged Magnus to style his hair however he wants to

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

finally, my first ask with a magnus/malec headcanon! Im so happy i could die

(warning: this will contain discussions of psychological/emotional abuse and queerphobia, particularly biphobia)

but no really like ok i have a lot of thoughts about this actually. because like in the show theres this one picture of Magnus ragnor and Catarina together in what looks like the 1840s (im mainly going by the type of photograph here, but also clothing, and jesus christ im already putting so much research into this somebody stop me), so that's when im assuming they were together

i only have the pic with this writing over it srry

also magnus is almost definitely wearing a corset in here which is driving me insane

anyway, at that time, it was not unusual for men to have long hair even if mens hair was still commonly shorter than women's hair. it was also during that decade that men's fashion in England started to reject frills and colors and become more boring like we know it today (source is the one about fashion above). so when magnus and camille were together, the idea of a man being "too girly" fashion-wise was pretty much being born in western culture. so that brings.... many layers

i tend to think magnus wouldnt really internalise a lot of the "oh you dress like a girl" stuff because 1- i mean hes so comfortable with it, but more importantly 2- he was alive way before these concepts were even born, and he was raised in at least two non-modern-western cultures (indonesian and whatever the fuck kind of culture demons have) where the concept of gender is/was radically different. so he's bound to have a little easier time not believing shit like "oh wearing x is for girls" because hes known different for a long time.

BUT living in an abusive environment and simultaneously a turning point in how gender performance was viewed is bound to fuck you up, too. so i can see camille using that against him, like "cant you see that times are changing? you're gonna lose all respect if you keep dressing like this". we also know that camilles abusive arguments stem a lot from magnus' immortality and the issues he has with it, so this possibly came into play as well - you can't keep up with the times, you're staying behind, soon you'll be an outsider and people will look down on you because of that. so....... yeah, i think camille could have done a big number on him by using that, and his gender presentation as a whole, to make him feel inadequate. i kind of even think that the makeup and the clothing has a little taste of "fuck you camille" yknow, like, hes gonna be who he is and embrace the fact that he doesnt really fit into the western binary. but you can also see ways in which he holds back - for instance, he only wore colorful makeup when he was depressed because of Valentine and in the finale, when he seemed to look actually comfortable in his own skin, happy, and his makeup and accessories were a little bolder and outside the box. so basically - camille using magnus' gender against him and as a way to manipulate him is entirely plausible, and i believe that part of magnus' development in the post-show years are gonna have to do with that, with wearing what he wears less like an armor and more like a form of expression that he has fun with and that feels entirely his. and i think this can present in a lot of ways, like longer hair, less traditional makeup, different clothes. and obviously alec thinks magnus is always the most beautiful person alive and supports his experiments with gender and expression and no one would even dare get nasty about it because if u even think about snickering in magnus' general direction alec will have a blade on ur throat in .2 seconds. also this is giving me some nice images of magnus with braided hair, so what im trying to say is basically bless this ask really.

also this is a little unrelated but i mean, Ive seen so many bi men in abusive relationships with straight girls its impossible to me to not think his sexuality had a huge part on her abuse, possibly even more so than gender, considering how the whole gendered clothing thing was kind of still being established during that time, whereas "sodomy" was a crime punishable by death in england until the 1960s. and this got me thinking - for Camille to be so adamant on the fact that people leave Magnus and die and that he needed her because he could be assured that she wouldn't die on him, that must have been a nerve at the time. he probably had lost someone close recently and was having trouble dealing with it. that's further supported by the whole "magnus nearly jumped off a bridge and Camille talked him out of it" thing. so what im saying is, what if Magnus had lost a friend, or even a lover, to the capital penalty? like that's... very plausible. at that time there were no accords, so he could go around meeting mundanes and getting involved as he pleased, and Magnus probably wasnt all that shy about his sexuality (again, he was raised in environments where that wasnt looked down on), so its entirely plausible he lost someone important to him who was a part of the community, maybe even felt like it was his fault - maybe they got caught together or something and magnus had to fake his death cuz immortal, or maybe he just feels like he should have done something but it was too late, we know magnus is the kind of guy who wants to Protect Everyone - so he was probably hurting a lot, feeling helpless, having just lost someone for being pretty much the same as him, and he meets this woman who keeps talking about how inadequate he is and how people always leave him and how shes the only one he can count on not needing to protect or worry about because shes also immortal and powerful, and shes kind of a ticket to at least pretending to fit into what that culture thought was right, and he was depressed and isolated and- look, its just entirely plausible that his sexuality played a huge part in both making him vulnerable to camilles abuse and giving her ways to hurt him and twist the knife. i kind of plan on exploring that if i ever get around to writing that fic about magnus and his sexuality throughout his life so uh stay tuned i guess

anyway im sorry if that was rambly or incoherent or too long im really tired and im kind of travelling rn so not a lot of tumblr time but i really wanted to answer this. thank you so much for sending me this, it made my day!

[a-cai-jpg]

frailty, thy name is woman! (HAH)

So the other day, I was ambushed by a group of tiny puppies.

I was in the park, breathing some fresh air and sunshine for the first time in a long, long time. I sat on a grassy hill--notebook just recently closed and resting in my lap--staring blankly at the amphitheater beneath me and suddenly, I hear barking to my right and felt something nudge my thigh.

Not gonna lie, I almost screamed and whacked the puppy in the face.

They were three beagles(?), bounding around the hill because, according to their owners who respectfully stood 6 feet away from me, they hadn't left the house in a week. 

(same.)

Anyways, before they came to say hi, I was listening to a sad, acoustic playlist and writing down notes about women.

(it's not weird if u don't make it weird)

That morning, I had woken up thinking about women's issues. 

Sexism is not exactly the social issue I'm most preoccupied by. It's prominent in every aspect of life, but because I've been fortunate enough to be sheltered from most of it, the sexism I experience is very subtle and difficult to pinpoint. I grew up in a primarily female household with a lot of strong personalities, and only recently did I begin to take note of the almost indiscernible power dynamic between the men and the women.

So, most of my life, I've just been kind of cruising along, with this vaguely gender-less persona that only started to shift some time in university.

A friend once asked, "How do you know that you're a woman?"

I think this was during the same time I was taking a philosophy course about theories of sexual differences, and so all my thoughts were kind of meta and hypothetical. My initial thought was, uh what do you mean like of course I know I'm a woman that's what I've checked on all the forms. But then I thought about it and I was like. Bruh. 

Bruh.

The reply I gave her, I feel like, was unsatisfactory and very personal. I didn't want to fall back onto gender norms, because that was so obviously a cop-out. Furthermore, I feel like I didn't experience a lot of the stereotypical "what it means to be a woman." AND, the definition of "adult human being" was too inadequate.

So, how do I know that I'm a woman?

At the time, I gave her a pretty sloppy answer about internalized misogyny, and I'm not going to pretend I have a better answer now, but I think I've broken it down to two main points.

Number one: I know I'm a woman because I'm constantly in competition with other women. I view women as my primary competitors. Very rarely do I see masculine-presenting individuals as competition, even though technically, all of us are competing for resources, prestige, or whatever it is we seek. Sure, you can play a probability game and say it's all statistics, but I think there's an aspect of misogyny as well.

Number two, I know I'm a woman because I feel anger and indignation on behalf of other women, internalizing it as a personal offense, even when I myself have not undergone the same struggle.

It's the same criteria I think of when I ask myself how I know I'm Asian American. But, in the racial aspect, there's a third criteria, which is the reflexive self. I feel that other people see me as Asian American, and therefore, I am Asian American. For some bizarre reason, I didn't experience the same reflexive self when I thought about my gender.

I think it was this lack of a reflexive self and vaguely gender-less upbringing that pushed me to declare, very loudly, in the middle of a science classroom in highschool that, "I am not a feminist."

(I could self-psychoanalyze and come up with a million reasons why my upbringing was gender-less. It could have to do with the fact that my primary caretakers were women, so there was no other for me to reference, and thereby, no juxtaposition between women and men. It could have to do with early, internalized misogyny that caused me to push away things that identified me specifically as a "girl." It could also be that I'm incredibly not self-aware.)

(I stand by the statement that contrast is necessary for identification, though.)

Anyways.

I remember when I said those words, my best friend looked at me with exasperation and a classmate looked at me with disgust. For good reason.

At the time, the word "feminist," to me, had a lot of negative connotations. I equated it with the "feminazi." I didn't buy into sexist ideals, but neither did I understand the angry, seemingly unnecessary reversal of gender roles that "feminazis"  were proclaiming.

And my friend patiently explained to me that no, you don't have to be a feminazi to be a feminist. 

But see, even that in itself is anti-feminist, isn't it?

We were, again, drawing lines for what it means to be an acceptable woman--an acceptable feminist--and what it means to be an unacceptable woman.

Why is there a negative connotation to the term "feminazi"? Why is there a negative connotation to the term "feminist"? Isn't the term "feminazi" in itself misogynistic?

I think it has to do with the fact that the general culture is uncomfortable with women stepping beyond what their gender roles have prescribed them. The culture has moved in a direction where it is acceptable and almost expected for women to be feminists, but being a "feminazi" is still frowned up.

This might seem very obvious to some, but I actually haven't thought about the term "feminazi" in a long while. So, to make sure I actually knew what a "feminazi" was, I pulled up the Wikipedia article. Here are a few words used to describe a feminazi:

a committed feminist or a strong-willed woman

radical feminists

see as many abortions as possible

militants

quest for power

belief that men aren't necessary

well-intentioned but misguided people who call themselves feminists

the term came to be widely used for feminism as a whole

marginalize any feminist as a hardline, uncompromising manhater

hate men

dogmatic, inflexible, and intolerant

an extremist, power-hungry minority

I've never met anyone who fits that description, though [Limbaugh] lavishes it on me among many others

bossy, hating men and femininity

hyper-vigilant to perceived sexism

vindictive

puritanical

The term was apparently, popularized by a dude named Rush Limbaugh, and I'll be damned if I let a man determine what kind of feminist I am.

Maybe I am biased because a militant women's group seeking to overpower the patriarchy sounds pretty lit and like good material for a new Netflix show, but like.

Tell me again why it's not okay to be a feminazi.

(my primary reactions to the list above are: "i wonder why," "sounds ok to me lol," and "who the fuck are you to say")

ANYWAYS.

"Feminazis," according to Mr. Limbaugh (who even is this guy) is an unacceptable way to be a feminist.

He is a man governing what it means to be a feminist (again, who the fuck are you), but let's be real, there are many women out there who draw similar lines, maybe for others, maybe for themselves. The popular "Am I not a good feminist if I __________" questions in themselves are anti-feminist. Once again, it is a show of how women are policing themselves and each other.

I'm not big on philosophy because I can't understand most of it, but Foucault made the assertion that policing and discipline in a modern society lies with the self, or an invisible, anonymous power embedded in society.

(Ok, I'm going to be honest, I didn't want to read through 30 pages of feminist theory and I barely understood the four pages that I did read, so if I'm wrong, don't hate me.)

In other words, men and women become the gender police for themselves. Even as women gain more rights and freedom, they continue to police themselves in a new way, like asking themselves what it means to be a good feminist.

(Bartky introduces the argument that there needs to be an upheaval of social norms to end the policing.)

(And okay, so, the more I read Bartky's Foucault, Femininity, and Patriarchal Power, the more excited I get, so I'm gOiNg To StOp mYsElf hERe.)

I ask myself this question often too.

Am I not a good feminist if I express vague disapproval at someone who switches boyfriends every other day?

Am I not a good feminist if I am grateful for men opening doors for me or offering to grab my suitcase for me on the plane? (I'm 5'2 okay, I have to stand on the seat sometimes, it's embarrassing.)

See, I appreciate chivalry and I don't think chivalry is dead because what does that even mean, but I also recognize that chivalry isn't the same thing as gender equality or liberation for women (or dare I say, liberation of gender?). But, gender equality doesn't mean that women and men do all of the same things and are assumed to be able to do all of the same things. Because we, as humans, have varying abilities, don't we?

The question of what the fuck is gender equality plagued me for an entire semester and bothers me even now but I just kind of stomp on it and make it go away. The easy answer to it, for me, is a fair division of labor agreed upon by both parties, ensuring there is no abuse of power within the relationship.

But that statement in itself is problematic because it introduces a possibility of stasis, of complacency that might revert to a new abuse of power.

(It's also not one that every feminist agrees on.)

But let's return to the question of what it means to be a woman.

I wrote that contrast is necessary for identification, but I fear the statement implies that women are defined in opposition to men, which is false. Like, non-men = women. And, since gender is a spectrum, that obviously is not true. But, since gender is a spectrum, is it necessary for us to identify ourselves? 

At the end of my notes, I scribbled a series of questions.

Why does it matter to me what gender people are?

Why does it matter to me what gender I am?

Is there a correlation between sexuality and gender? Especially since we are all on a spectrum for both? Are we socialized to choose? Is this or is this not evolutionarily favorable?

(I see now that the flaw in me writing blog posts is that I can't actually have a conversation about this and that's frustrating.)

(Also, I recognize that I live in an immense amount of privilege to be asking these questions and not, I don't know, fearing for my life.)

I briefly entertained the idea that women are essentially the oppressed party in the larger narrative of gender. But there are two problems with this statement. One, women are definitely not the only oppressed party. Two, everyone ultimately suffers when there is an accepted narrative.

But, the undeniable fact is that there is a common reality that people who identify as women live. It has nothing to do with anatomy, organs, chromosomes, hormone levels, brain structure, or sexuality. It is an experience that is placed upon us by the patriarchal society, regardless of whether or not we recognize it, based on how we present ourselves.

This is how the reflexive self began to develop, in Calc B, freshman year of college.

I try to talk about gender as removed from sex as possible, because I get terribly confused when I talk about them in conjunction with each other, but also because I do think there is a difference between the feminine experience and the female experience. I just don’t really understand it.

I wrote in my notes somewhere: Gender is a spectrum. You are your own individual, gender be damned.

I don't proclaim myself an expert on this matter. These are words that chased their own tails in my mind as I tried to understand how to function in an infuriating society that constantly made me angry.

The other day, I saw a Facebook post from a stranger who was talking about how their boyfriend didn't believe women were being oppressed because even though women get paid less, men pay for dates. And this led me to think about the wage disparity and how people always tell me, well, no, it doesn't exist. It's the woman's fault for not asking for a higher wage.

And I’m just kind of like, ???

A student of mine came to me one morning, a little disappointed and a little annoyed, because he had been shut down by a fellow classmate when he made a comment about the wage gap not being an actual thing.

(the thing about talking to students is that it's a lot easier to forgive ignorance and to actually have a conversation without getting angry.)

He said that he wished the classmate, a girl, wouldn't just be all angry about it and call him dumb.

I didn't know how to respond to that then, aside from agreeing that it is necessary to have actual dialogue around important issues and asking a few questions so he could critically think about gender issues in the U.S. 

But, I thought about it the morning before I got ambushed by the dogs, and I wish I asked him to think about why people get so angry talking about these matters.

I think the reason why it's so difficult to have these conversations is because--

God, imagine the privilege of not having to have these conversations and not feeling angry and humiliated because you are pulling out this vulnerable bit of you that's been attacked by Society and trying to make someone who is implicitly attacking you understand.

That's not a comfortable feeling, and adults can't even manage it so how is a teenager expected to?

The same feeling rises within myself when I talk about race and when I talk about gender. Some of it is internalized racism and misogyny, but a whole lot of it is not wanting to be vulnerable, and that in itself is a little fucked up (and maybe, misogynistic?). 

See, when I feel very strongly about a matter, I expect strong, rigorous, academic debate. I want to break down the logic in every sentence and refute facts and opinions with Better Facts and Opinions, complete with citations, and I don’t want to fall back on anecdotes even though I end up resorting to it anyways.

(I am also the annoying person who would do the Hamilton thing and be like i have the honor to be your obedient servant, A DOT CAI.)

But, so often, we don't have the luxury to do that. And also, very often, we are utterly consumed by the larger narrative that facts end up not meaning very much to us.

We are all part of an accepted narrative, and that, along with the social norms that come with it, is the enemy.

Men are not the enemy in feminism, which is why men need to calm the fuck down and get behind the feminist movement. Men are also suffering from this accepted narrative and gender policing that lauds toxic masculinity.

I'm not saying there's a right way to be a feminist, but I strongly believe there's a wrong way to be a feminist. I think being a feminist means you support gender equality, regardless of what gender someone identifies as. I think being a feminist means you want everyone to embrace their true selves. I think being a feminist means you stand with every individual, and so I think being a feminist should be the default for a human being.

But if a person identifies as a feminist and draws rules and regulations for how to be one, then that is anti-feminist.

(Come at me, feminist philosophers, I'm very zen and I'm willing to listen to you tell me about how society needs to see an utter deconstruction of feminism and masculinity.)

Be you, my friend. Be you and let other people be themselves. It's not like they're hurting you by being trans or gay or bi. 

Like jeez, why is that so hard.

(stop hating on Irene 'cause she's a feminist, she's fucking beautiful and i will fight you.)

I don't know, I love women. They are inspiring and beautiful, and the term "woman," as much as I've broken it down, actually matters because society has forced it to matter. And weirdly enough, as difficult as it is for me to truly identify with woman at times, I like being one and I'm proud to be a feminist.

But it's also a little scary to be a woman. There are the general things a woman has to worry about, like walking around at night or traveling alone or going to a bar alone or doing anything alone to be completely honest. But there are also the other concerns, like what does a family dynamic look like with my personality and my ideals? How do I navigate a patriarchal society in terms of work and relationships? Which values do I give up to make sure I can actually go somewhere? When do I tell a friend to shut the fuck up because he’s mansplaining? How do I respond to defensiveness without getting defensive myself? How do I ensure that my daughter lives in a safer, more equitable world? How do I ensure that my son doesn't turn out to be a misogynist? Like? Help?

(sos i drank too my caffeine and now my hands are shaking)

Feminist theory, crudely put, falls into two categories (fuck i’m literally dragging things out of my ass, i don’t actually know if this is true lol), with one firmly asserting that a feminist revolution is rejecting the societal definition of femininity and the other embracing femininity. 

(idk if there are only two camps, but these two perspectives definitely exist in feminist theory ok)

I definitely fall in the latter, because I can’t wrap my head around the rejection of femininity. Like, is that not misogynistic? Camosy’s Behind the Abortion Wars uses a similar argument to proclaim abortion as inherently sexist. It strips females of what has traditionally given them power, rendering them...males. Or some version of a male.

(i’m sold on camosy’s argument. don’t misunderstand, i’m definitely pro-choice, but i have thoughts.)

See, all of this is very complicated. Sometimes I see quotes about feminist theory and it’s so intellectually exhilarating that I just have to file it away and think about it on a day where I’m wired on caffeine. But even on those days, I feel like my brain falls short on trying to understand this very meta gender theory thing.

So, obviously, I don’t hope to convince you to believe in my ideal, because I don’t know what I’m talking about. But, if you have read this far, I leave you with the same thing I said a number of paragraphs back.

BE YOU AND LET OTHER PEOPLE BE THEMSELVES.

Recognize when you are causing harm, explicitly or not.

Recognize when other people are causing harm, explicitly or not, and engage them in conversation.

(these are actually goals and guidelines for me because i have no backbone and generally just fume in silence.)

(between me brainstorming this and me actually writing this, a number of different things have come to my attention)

(one of them is the erasure of non-masculine stories in history) (and yes that's obvious, but i also watched a bunch of TedEd videos about women so it's just very salient in my mind right now)

(another is the nth room south korea scandal, and i don't even know where to begin with that)

(Disclaimer: I don’t actually know what I’m talking about but I welcome counterarguments. I also realize putting a disclaimer at the end is really dumb, but I don’t want to interrupt my non-existent narrative flow. I feel like my take on gender is too simple and not nuanced enough, but honestly, I just don’t really get gender at times? So I really shouldn’t be talking about gender theory. Yet. Here we are.)

I LOVE WOMEN.

So here is a song from a woman that I recently found and fell in love with:

陳粒 - 无所求必满载而归 它让你受折磨 觉得痛 觉得渴 [life] makes you suffer, makes you hurt, makes you thirsty 觉得无路走 无处躲 makes you feel like there's nowhere to go, nowhere tohide 无所求也求不得 even if you want nothing, you can't even have that 当我昏昏欲睡 摇摇欲坠 but when i'm about to sleep, about to fall 却学会 放下错与对 是与非 i learned to put down right and wrong, yes and no 无所求必满载而归 if i want nothing, then i'll receive everything

(on a side note, i've done nothing but read a chinese, boys love light novel. i have read three chinese novels in my life, and all three were boys love. this doesn't seem right.)

(but also, my chinese literacy is basically at that of a fifth grader, if even, so i think it's fitting that i read some trash novels.)

(but this one talks about the psychology of sexuality and gender, and i'm all for genre novels spreading ideas about bEiNg YoUrSeLf.)

(GAH.)

[gghoulish]

Character Study. Bluejay Peachblossom Sylvia;

Tagged by NOBODY i wanted to make a snacc

FULL NAME.     Bluejay Peachblossom Sylvia. MEANING.    Well, he’s named after the blue jay, obviously, as well as peach blossoms. His family name is one that can mean something if you’re in supernatural circles. NICKNAME.     Jay / Blue / Blossom. GENDER. Genderfluid; though for convenience they will refer to themselves by masculine terms, they also refer to themselves as being feminine/a woman, if they feel like it. HEIGHT. 5′3. AGE.     27. ZODIAC.     Cancer. SPOKEN LANGUAGES. English, French, Italian, Spanish, and bits and pieces of other languages--- he doesn’t speak all of those entirely fluently, but he can make conversation.

P H Y S I C A L   C H A R A C T E R I S T I C S .

HAIR COLOUR.   Dark brown/blonde, like his mothers, though he sometimes dyes it black. EYE COLOUR.   Seafoam blue. SKIN TONE.   Pale. BODY TYPE.     Has some weight on him; isn’t very muscular. ACCENT. Unique, given how he grew up. VOICE.    Like his faceclaims, though a little more smooth/quiet. DOMINANT HAND.   Left. POSTURE.     He’s not one for standing up straight, or doing anything straight. He’s always leaning and is physically expressive. SCARS.     He has some, from various mishaps, but he doesn’t talk about or seem to know any of their origins. TATTOOS.  Feathers around left wrist, a pentagram on the palm of his right hand, ‘sylvia’ at the back of his neck, though it’s hidden by his hair. MOST NOTICEABLE FEATURE(S).     Anything he’s wearing is bound to make a statement. But he has very vibrant eyes and soft, curly hair, which makes him look quite cute.

C H I L D H O O D .

PLACE OF BIRTH.     His family’s place. HOMETOWN.   Loveland. BIRTH WEIGHT.    Slightly below average. BIRTH HEIGHT.     Average. MANNER OF BIRTH.   Natural. FIRST WORDS. Probably ‘mama’ or something of the like. SIBLINGS.  Raven, Cardinal. PARENTS.     Finch and Rose. PARENT INVOLVEMENT.     As a child, he was the one given the least amount of attention by his parents. Both Raven and Cardinal loved Bluejay and were very close with him, but the loss of Cardinal put a strain on his relationship with Raven, and they went from being inseparable to at an incredible distance. Bluejay just never excelled at his training and his affinity for fellow humans made him less desirable as a hunter.

A D U L T   L I F E .

OCCUPATION.     Hunter/tracker. He gets ingredients and other things for some healing/green witches who like him, but otherwise he just wanders and lives life day to day. He has no real purpose, so he just waits to see if anyone wants him around. CLOSE FRIENDS. None, other than Raven. RELATIONSHIP STATUS.     Single. FINANCIAL STATUS.   Fine. He might have to sleep in an abandoned place every now and then, but he doesn’t think he’s struggling. DRIVER’S LICENSE. No, but he can drive. CRIMINAL RECORD.   None. VICES.  Attention, recklessness, alcohol if he’s in a bad mood.

S E X   A N D   R O M A N C E .

SEXUAL ORIENTATION.   Homosexual/romantic; Bluejay is only attracted to masculine folks. However, he does appreciate women aesthetically. ROMANTIC ORIENTATION.     ^ PREFERRED EMOTIONAL ROLE.     submissive  |  dominant |  switch. PREFERRED SEXUAL ROLE.   submissive  | dominant |  switch. LIBIDO.   Low / N/A. Bluejay doesn’t have sex very often, but that’s not to say he wouldn’t have it more often. TURN ON’S.  Praise, definitely. They wanna feel attractive and adored. Bluejay hasn’t explored much sexually, but seems to enjoy being submissive more than anything else, and is openminded. TURN OFF’S.     Queerphobia. Bluejay will not sleep with a man who’s obviously closeted or has repressed issues with aggression. He also does not enjoy any dirty talk that insinuates his gender/sexuality is wrong. Similarly, Bluejay will be immediately turned off if he’s mocked for any aspect of his identity. LOVE LANGUAGE.  Bluejay shows his love in worrying for/caring about a person, very intensely at that. He doesn’t know how to love in moderation. He’s also clingy and likes validation, as he is permanently fearful of being abandoned. He doesn’t blame people for not wanting to be with him, but the prospect/outcome still hurts. RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES.   He’s had very few, if any, relationships that’ve lasted. No one knows how to deal with him, really. On top of that, Bluejay often hits a point where he won’t believe a person cares about him, since his anxiety gets overwhelming.

M I S C E L L A N E O U S .

CHARACTER THEME SONG.     two of hearts / flamingo HOBBIES TO PASS TIME.     Studying--- it might surprise his family, but he is one of the most studious Sylvia’s. He keeps so many notes that he has more than one journal. He also likes to go shopping and sew/alter clothes, as well as go clubbing. MENTAL ILLNESSES.     He has severe anxiety and depression, though even without the trauma of his childhood, he’d always been an anxious child. He also has ADHD, which makes things more difficult for him. PHYSICAL ILLNESSES.    None. LEFT OR RIGHT BRAINED.    n/a. PHOBIAS.   Raven being hurt/killed, other people being hurt, animals being hurt, pretty much everything revolves around the suffering of others. SELF CONFIDENCE LEVEL. Physically, very high. Bluejay doesn’t care for people who are shallow and judge him for his looks, but he does feel very inadequate when it comes to his personality and mental illnesses. Having rarely been told that he mattered or did anything right, he craves validation from anyone who will give it to him. VULNERABILITIES.   Bluejay would do anything for anyone, should they ask nicely enough. He is against violence, but he’ll do what’s necessary, if he has to. Bluejay is perceived as more reckless and stupid than Raven because he is willing to throw himself into the middle of any fight he witnesses--- but it’s just out of instinct that he does this. He can’t bear to see people get hurt.

Tagging: (;

[menalez]

is it bad that i kind of wish i had a penis? idk, i don’t want to play into that “butch lesbians are envious of men” thing, but i hate to admit that i wish i had a penis and was born a guy because my attraction towards women and my masculine personality feel so NATURAL to me, but then everyone tells me it’s unnatural. sometimes they don’t even have to say they think it’s unnatural, i can tell by how they treat me, and i just wish i was born “acceptable” and it’s made me resent being female :/

hmm i don’t think you wishing that makes you bad. many, many women wish that ESPECIALLY lesbians and this goes doubly for gnc (even more if butch) lesbians. im not even butch and im androgynous leaning towards feminine and even i have moments where i get distressed over being female and wish i had a male body. we live in a world filled with homophobia and misogyny and we become so hypersensitive to it & notice it in our daily lives and it makes it really hard on us to accept ourselves and love ourselves as we are. not only that but a lot of us have dated or been with women who made us feel inadequate *because* we’re female and made us feel like we’d be better if we were male which feeds into that. its really rough and im sorry u feel that way, its hard, but it doesn’t mean you’re bad, you’re just someone who is responding to your environment in a way that is actually relatively reasonable.

[earflappies-blog]

have u thought about kyle being more feminine????? the possibility is there???

Anonymous said:so why don’t you make kyle more feminine

I just got the same ask, lmao. Uhh, okay, well, for starters, I guess we’ll have to go with the predisposition that pink and lacy = girly, and dirt and sports = masculine, because there’s no real way to actually convey those things since people are diverse as a whole. 

So, on that note, I’ve said before that I draw a lot of inspiration from my real life peers. The more I write Kyle, he definitely develops and comes into himself on his own, but that’s where it starts out save from when canon gives us slice of life moments. 

Beyond that, I’ve never seen him as such. Like, he’s headstrong and stubborn, he doesn’t like to concede until it’s too late, and it’s mainly because he feels like he has to hold on to this infinitesimal sense of pride. But why? For who’s sake? Well, he’s often singled out and made to feel different and inadequate whenever the opportunity presents itself. I wouldn’t be wholly against saying that he maintains such good grades and a good sports record because he tries hard. There’s natural talent there, but I think he tries hard because you can’t really rag on someone who is genuinely decent.

Now get this, as someone who comes from a fairly small suburban area, and frequently visits family from hick towns where everyone knows each other, you don’t really make it a concern to be different. There’s good different and there’s bad different, and generally, the stigma goes anything not ‘normal’ gets pretty shat on. I think it’s safe to say Kyle’s self esteem wavers, and psychologically, sometimes it’s a lot easier to go with the crowd than against it. We’ve seen him attempt to keep up with trends on multiple occasions in the show. 

Alternatively, there are times where he’s felt pushed to the extreme and has stood alone for morals sake. Yeah, he can be an individual, but my point is that even if he were into that kind of thing, I doubt he’d actively and consistently act on it. Where some peers wouldn’t care, others definitely would. I guess what I’m saying is that if I were to ever delve into writing Kyle from a more feminine perspective, he’d definitely come from a closeted point of view. It’d be an ongoing battle with anxiety, hiding, and railing on himself and his general disposition. Because people can’t help what they like and Kyle is smart enough to know better. 

His drive for approval and acceptance is mostly a subconscious thing. He’s good at a lot of shit, and if that can’t help him out, going against mountain town ideology definitely isn’t going to in his mind. 

But I digress. In all honesty, I don’t think there’s any one right way to be feminine without using social norms as a defining point, but that’s so discouraging. I just don’t think Kyle cares or is really into that sort of thing and to me, it just comes across as more so like self projection than anything? I’ve seen it touched on a few times but I’ve never really seen it delve into the genuine assessment of Kyle as a person or the weight that his choices would later heave on his back. I never see the psychological aspect or reasoning behind it, and that too, is disheartening, because I feel it’s something that could be really picked apart and dissected as a concept. 

Maybe someday I’ll dabble with it - if only because they say if you don’t like something then do it yourself, but it’s reasonably unlikely. I dunno, I feel like if I wanted that, lol, why not just play a girl character. Or the token male sacrifice for heteronormativity, Butters. 

[briarthedragon]

Update?

Ok so uh (cw/tw mental illness, internalized homophobia, suicidal ideation)

I have been struggling lately.

You might have noticed my vague posts lately and uh.............. yeah. that’s . a thing 

it’s still an issue and i’m trying to talk to ppl about it. but 

here’s the thing

i have anxiety, depression, and fibromyalgia. all of these things are really severe rn. i’m have breakdowns at least twice a day and i’m rly suicidal to the point where i’m actively thinking of ways to hurt or kill myself and i know that’s not good and i’m trying to.... find ways to combat that, but most of my coping is unhealthy or self destructive. my anxiety is making my physically ill and frickin up my muscles with tension and stuff, which is only made worse by my fibro... honestly all this health stuff is a vicious cycle that only gets worse

and a big part of the issue is internalized homophobia

i am bi, as many of u know, and i kinda prefer feminine and androgynous ppl in general, so, p dang gay

im also religious and im also from a pretty homophobic family and church culture 

so, especially lately, i’ve been struggling a lot with self hatred and internalized homophobia over the feelings ive been having and i usually combat that with jokes and loud Gay™

but it’s kinda 

not enough anymore?

school’s been killing me. i’ve had homophobic professors, i’ve struggled to attend classes due to my health issues, i’m having trouble working and getting into more and more debt, and my brain fog is so bad i cant focus, and i have no concept of the passage of time most days

honestly, i’m inadequate and a disappointment. i’m not saying that to get pity or anything, this is honest - i can’t meet the standards set for me by myself or others, and pretty much my whole family probably sees me as a disappointment by now. (gay, failing at school, unsuccessful, pursuing useless goals and dreams, ‘’’’not living up to my potential’’’’’)

i’m having a rly hard time tbh but i’m trying to get better

i’m taking only half of summer break off this year. i’m returning to BYU for summer term to start the biology major, which i think i’ll be more successful at in school since i won’t get in to the illustration major at this rate. 

i’m pushing myself past my limits every day with working multiple jobs, building a portfolio, and attending school. so, i’m taking fewer classes to try to balance things out. i’m going to be leavin a project that’s causing too much stress, as well, and focusing on smaller collaborations and projects with ppl i work well with as i build up my career. 

starting summer term, i’m going to be attending every term at uni until i graduate. according to my plans, i’m graduation 2 terms overdue if i attend during breaks. i’ll have to deal with that

i’m doing my best to keep going. i’m trying to push through the shit i’m going through, trying to stay close and honest with my friends, trying to succeed. i’m going to be putting a lot into helping my friends, because that’s something i can almost always make myself do, no matter how unmotivated i am. and maybe, if i help them enough, i’ll feel a bit less bad when they offer their help.

this went on super long and got super real, and i’m sorry. i just wanted to update you guys and thank u for sticking with me. 

-RIza

[sakshitmr]

Feminine Hygiene Wipes Market Anticipated To Grow At An Exponential Rate In The Near Future

Feminine Hygiene Wipes Market Introduction

Earlier, women had inadequate knowledge about feminine issues and discussions about feminine hygiene products were considered taboo among social communities. However, perceptions have changed considerably today. Women have become more health conscious especially related to hygiene issues. Many feminine hygiene products such as panty liners, sanitary napkins, tampons, menstrual cups, cloth menstrual pads, period panties, and menstrual sponge are popularly used. Feminine hygiene wipes are made of non-woven fabrics similar to those used in dryer sheets and are soaked in a solution of gentle cleansing ingredients. Feminine wipes help to deal with infections related to urinary incontinence and bowel incontinence.

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Feminine Hygiene Wipes Market- Competitive Landscape

Procter & Gamble

With over 181 years of experience, Procter & Gamble is the world’s largest consumer goods company and home to iconic, trusted brands including Always, Charmin, Braun, Fairy, Febreze, Gillette, Head & Shoulders, and many more. Procter & Gamble has a presence in nearly 70 countries and is considered one of the strongest portfolios of trusted, quality brands. The company claims to have nearly 5 billion consumers around the world.

Kimberly-Clark Corporation

Kimberly-Clark Corporation is an American multinational personal care corporation that produces mostly paper-based consumer products. With 144 years of experience and 43,000 employees worldwide, the company has created new categories with top brands such as Kleenex, and redefined categories with Huggies and U by Kotex.

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Feminine Hygiene Wipes Market Dynamics Sales, Revenue, Forecast and Detailed Analysis 2027

Feminine Hygiene Wipes Market Introduction

Earlier, women had inadequate knowledge about feminine issues and discussions about feminine hygiene products were considered taboo among social communities. However, perceptions have changed considerably today. Women have become more health conscious especially related to hygiene issues. Many feminine hygiene products such as panty liners, sanitary napkins, tampons, menstrual cups, cloth menstrual pads, period panties, and menstrual sponge are popularly used. Feminine hygiene wipes are made of non-woven fabrics similar to those used in dryer sheets and are soaked in a solution of gentle cleansing ingredients. Feminine wipes help to deal with infections related to urinary incontinence and bowel incontinence.

Feminine Hygiene Wipes Market- Competitive Landscape

Procter & Gamble

With over 181 years of experience, Procter & Gamble is the world’s largest consumer goods company and home to iconic, trusted brands including Always, Charmin, Braun, Fairy, Febreze, Gillette, Head & Shoulders, and many more. Procter & Gamble has a presence in nearly 70 countries and is considered one of the strongest portfolios of trusted, quality brands. The company claims to have nearly 5 billion consumers around the world.

Kimberly-Clark Corporation

Kimberly-Clark Corporation is an American multinational personal care corporation that produces mostly paper-based consumer products. With 144 years of experience and 43,000 employees worldwide, the company has created new categories with top brands such as Kleenex, and redefined categories with Huggies and U by Kotex.

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Edgewell Personal Care

Edgewell Personal Care is an American consumer product company headquarter in Stamford, U.S. In May 2019, Edgewell purchased Harry’s razor company, including their female-focused Flamingo brand for $1.4 billion.

Glenmark Pharmaceuticals

Incorporated in 1977, Glenmark Pharmaceuticals is a leading global innovative pharmaceutical company committed to enriching lives worldwide. The company is headquartered in Mumbai, India. Through generic medicines, the company impacts over 100 million patients each year globally.

Unicharm Corporation

Unicharm Corporation is a Japanese company that manufactures disposable hygiene products, household cleaning products, and is specialized in the manufacture of diapers for both babies and adult incontinence; feminine hygiene products; and pet care products. The company has operations in 80 countries and is a market leader in Asia in baby and feminine care products. It holds the top share of diaper sales in China, Indonesia, Vietnam, and Thailand.

Other key players operating in the feminine hygiene wipes market are Energizer Holdings, Inc., Lil-Lets Group Ltd., Biochemix Healthcare Private Limited, and Hengan International Group Co. Ltd.

Feminine Hygiene Wipes Market Dynamics

Factors such as product advertisements, government initiatives to spread awareness about importance of hygiene practices during menstrual periods, easy availability of products in stores, and increasing urbanization are propelling the growth of the female hygiene wipes market globally. However, product recalls as a result of women suffering from allergies and infections due to the materials used to manufacture feminine hygiene products, apart from low awareness about benefits of such products in undeveloped countries are expected to hamper revenue growth of the global feminine hygiene market.

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