#fem hoffstrahm

[dixxiemaegraphics]

Those milfs next door that are constantly bickering and chain smoking have never done anything shady ever. Never ever.

[hoffstrap-yuri]

In My Head, In My Heart

ao3 // masterlist

*Summary: Petra Strahm had come to terms with the fact that she was a lesbian after Husband #2, but never did she think she'd swing so hard for a pregnant woman.

*Rating: +18 for explicit mature content

*Content/Tags: Fem Hoffstrahm, Fem Coffinshipping, Yuri Coffinshipping, Yuri Hoffstrahm, WLW Coffinshipping, WLW Hoffstrahm, Petra Strahm (Fem Strahm), Maureen Hoffman (Fem Hoffman), Fluff and Smut, Shameless Smut, Plot What Plot, Pregnancy Kink, Pregnancy Sex

*Status: First Fic in Series/Completed (Second Fic Here)

Author's Note: Basically the thought of pregnant Fem Hoffman made me pass out with a nosebleed and when I woke up, this had created itself. But in all honesty I've poured at least 24 hours into this thing because I was like "I gotta write before my muse leaves my mind" so enjoy this fic!

I've got more fem Hoffstrahm coming, but this was just something I had started before taking requests so have this to tide yourselves over

Holy Shit.Petra had stopped a few steps short of the bottom of the staircase leading to the murder scene of their confidant, Alison Kerry. Sure she expected gore, maybe a head that flew off to one corner of the room…. But she hadn’t expected to see a heavily pregnant woman working the scene. She was going to launch into her ‘Open the Door and You Will Find Me’ spiel she had been mentally preparing while still in Perez’s car, ready to call out the city’s police department for its incompetence at handling a serial killer of this infamy. She decided better of herself and quietly hid behind her partner as she did the introductions. “Detective Hoffman, I’m Special Agent Lindsay Perez of the FBI. This is my partner, Special Agent Petra Strahm.” “Pleasure.” The detective leaned forward a bit, putting a strain on her dress shirt’s buttons and held out a hand for the two agents. Petra reached out first, surprised by the heavy grip the other woman hand. She pulled her hand back and behind Lindsay’s back massaged her hand. “How can I help the FBI?” “‘Open the door and you will find me’, does that mean anything to you, Detective?” Petra replied, the edge coming back to her words as she tried not to look at Hoffman’s giant baby bump square in the center of her plush body. “You’ll have to forgive me if I don’t understand your cryptic bullshit.” Hoffman scoffed at her, “Pregnancy brain leaves me so confused these days.” “Pregnancy brain, my ass.” Another officer under Hoffman’s command muttered under his breath. Hoffman’s heel just so happened to ‘hover’ over the top of his foot before pressing down; making the detective curse loudly before scurrying off to the opposite side of the scene. Hoffman covered her mouth behind her hand as she let out a reserved laugh. “Anyway, no. That means absolutely nothing to me, Agent.” She finally replied to the special agent’s inquiry from a moment passed. Strahm made some kind of grunting noise as she examined Kerry’s body. Hoffman pulled out a legal pad where she kept notes and flipped through them, hoping to provide some kind of information to the agents. “There must be another apprentice.” Petra stated “You’re sure that this isn’t the work of John…” “John Kramer was a bed-ridden cancer patient. Absolutely not.” Strahm countered “It could’ve been Amanda Young. Used a pulley system…” Hoffman offered once again “There’s no way. Amanda’s arrest record puts her weight at 107, and Detective Kerry was 130…” “Special Agent.” Hoffman batted her eyelashes at the other woman, “If you’re here for any other reason than just to assist, I suggest you back the fuck off.” “Wouldn’t want to miss anything your pregnancy brain let slip.” Petra bit back and walked through the crime scene. She heard Lindsay sigh behind her, probably shooting Hoffman an ‘I’m sorry about her’ look before following behind the older woman. After looking over everything, and some of the lower detectives shuffling back to the precinct, Hoffman approached the two agents. “You’re welcome to set up in the conference room back at my station.” One hand rested on her back for support, while the other rested over the crest of her bump. “Thanks, we could use a cup of coffee.” Lindsay cracked a smile at the matronly detective “You’re welcome. I’ll see you two later. I have another fire to put out.” She replied, turning on her heels before walking up the stairs. Lindsay craned her head up, making sure that Hoffman was out of earshot before nudging her partner with her elbow. “What?” Strahm asked, before being nudged again, “What?!” “I saw you staring at her.” “I was not.” Strahm rolled her eyes “Were too. She’s exactly your type.” “Bullshit.” “I’ve seen your ex-husband.” Lindsay retorted, “Only Maureen's got more curves.” “Why don’t you take the car to the precinct, and shut the fuck up.”

“Damn.” Lindsay laughed, “I’ll go at least get the car started. Might want to cool down a little before you get in the car.” “Fine.” Strahm huffed a little bit, taking another walk through of the crime scene before deciding she was calm enough to face Lindsay’s badgering about her attraction towards Maureen Hoffman. Though there really wasn’t anything there. She hopped into the car and sat silently across from Perez as they drove to the police station together. The officer that Hoffman had stepped on came out to lead them to the conference room, showing them where the coffee machine was on the way in before the two pulled out their briefcases. Lindsay sat on the edge of the table as Strahm flipped through the manila file folders she crammed inside the case. “Do you think we should tell Maureen?” “No Linds.” Strahm replied, not taking even a second to look up at her partner, “We don’t know what they know and the evidence is stacking up that it’s someone on the inside helping the Jigsaw Killer.”

“I know, it’s just the tape said that there’s two police that’ll be the next victims and it might be better…” She started to explain. The whole atmosphere seemingly shifted as the doorway creaked slightly under the weight of the pregnant detective leaning against the frame. Petra looked her up and down with a level of disgust that she couldn’t even pretend to conceal. “Hope this is comfortable for the two of you.” Maureen said, walking across the room and taking a seat across from Strahm, “Certainly better than sitting in the bullpen.” “It’ll be fine.” Lindsay assured the other woman. Maureen pushed her chair back slightly to cross her leg over her lap, showing that she had switched to flats after coming back from the scene. “If you don’t mind my asking, how far are you along?” “Oh.” Maureen smiled in a manner that made Petra wanted to gag. So saccharine sweet, and for what? “I’m in my third trimester.” “Oh, then you’re due anytime now.” “I still have a couple of weeks before the due date, but yes.” Petra scoffed a little before saying something completely lacking any kind of tact, “Shouldn’t you be out on maternity leave, then?” Without hesitation and after looking at the simple silver band on her ring finger, Maureen shot back, “Shouldn’t you be with your husband?” Lindsay had to stifle her laughter and Petra shot her partner a look of ‘you were supposed to be on my side on this one’. “I’m divorced for your information.” “Congratulations. Your ex must be a lucky man.” “Not nearly as lucky as I am to be rid of him.” Petra responded. “Either of you want coffee?” Lindsay got up and made a dash for the door before either of the other women could answer her. It was a courtesy more than anything, but she needed an excuse to get out from there. “I’d better go.” Hoffman grabbed the teddy bear she had in her arms previously when she walked into the conference room “What do you want from me, detective?” “What?”

“I said ‘what do you want from me’? Don’t tell me you were just walking in here to check on Lindsay and I. God knows you could have sent one of your lackeys to do that while you were resting in your office.” Hoffman scoffed back, “I’m not some delicate flower despite being with child. I can still flip a man over my shoulder… even though my OB/GYN has advised against it.” She got up from her seat and leaned into Strahm’s space when she heard the agent utter something under her breath. “I didn’t quite hear that, Agent, mind saying it a bit louder for me?” “It’s none of your damn business.” Strahm growled underneath the other woman. She looked over her shoulder for an opening, but Maureen was all up in her business. Maureen pulled Strahm’s chair back and placed her hands firmly on the arms of the chair, forcing the FBI agent to shrink herself further into herself. “I said, repeat yourself, Agent Strahm.” She said in a low voice. Petra was surprised she hadn’t miraculously turned into a pile of goop in front of the heavy woman before her. Barely louder than a whisper, she replied: “Hot.” “Louder.” “I thought it was hot.” Strahm kept her eyes moving, anything so as not to stare blankly at Hoffman’s chest. “What was?” “The idea of you throwing a man over your shoulder, in your state. A big bulky girl like you…” Strahm could feel a nosebleed starting and “You’re right, it is hot. And I’m not a girl, I’m a woman.” The hot air from her mouth sliding across the skin of Petra’s neck. Petra shivered in her seat, forcing her hands to dig into the fabric of the arm of the chair as she tried to keep herself calm and even-headed. Maureen lifted her tempting chest away from Petra with a mischievous little smile on her face. Strahm tucked her legs one underneath the other around the bottom of the chair and locked her knees. Maureen’s hands worked their way to her back and massaged herself as she stood upright. “That was a lot to make me go through, in my condition.”

“I thought you said you weren’t a fucking flower.” Strahm spit back “I’m not, but you’d better make up for this. You free tonight?” “Do I have a choice?” “You always have a choice, Agent. Make it.” “Yeah, I’m free.” Strahm switched the order of her legs to keep from fidgeting with her fingers “Good. I’ll drive you to my place tonight.” Maureen turned on the back of her heels out of the room and walked towards her office. Strahm sat still in her chair for a moment before realizing she needed to be looking at something before Lindsay came back with coffee. She unhooked her leg, and reached for the briefcase before realizing what a number Hoffman did to her. She brushed up against Lindsay as she returned with a drink for the both of them and Strahm made a beeline to the bathroom. --- “Is Nancy Drew still here?” Maureen entered Strahm’s office space, her jacket slung over her shoulder like she was a mob boss. Without the stupid garment, Strahm got a generous view of the suspenders that were probably functionally useless as the wide woman grew from her pregnancy. “Don’t call Perez that, she’s a damn good agent.” Strahm snapped back “Touched a nerve, did I?” Maureen smirked. “I’m done for the day, if you want to hurry it up and join me.” “I’m almost done.” Strahm flipped through her laptop and checked her emails one last time. Maureen’s foot hit the floor with a slight patter as she waited for the other woman to tie up her loose ends for the day. “It can’t take you that long to be ‘almost’ done.” Hoffman glared at her “What, you got a hot date with the baby daddy after you’re done screwing me for the night?” Strahm retorted

“You’re keeping me from what I want, Agent. And I always get what I want, when I want it.” Maureen bared her teeth, placing her palms flat on either side of the laptop. Strahm didn’t bother logging off the device, only shut the cover and grabbed her briefcase from below her. “Good. About time.” “Shut it.” Strahm replied as she fixed the collar of her dress shirt. Hoffman lead the agent to her car and slammed the door on Strahm’s side once she slid into the passenger’s seat. She buckled herself in, making a show of the way the material had to stretch around her stomach. “Gonna need a fucking extender if that bump grows anymore.” “You’d like to see that, wouldn’t you?” Maureen smiled down at her baby bump as she teased Strahm. Strahm crossed her legs in the other seat before saying, “Just drive us to your place.” She covered her beet red face the best she could behind the palm of her hand. Hoffman reached an arm around the back of Strahm’s head rest as she put the vehicle into reverse, pulling out of the station before driving around town. She turned the radio on when they were stopped at a particularly long red light and hummed along to some pop song. Strahm couldn’t help herself from looking at the way her lips curved as her mouth made ‘oohs’ and ‘you’s, the velvet lipstick accentuating her ‘ahhs’ as her hums turned to singing. Strahm pursed her lips as she watched, leaning in closer to the siren’s call from Hoffman. As she was about to kiss Hoffman’s cheek, Hoffman stopped the car. It jerked Strahm a bit forward and she stayed in her seat until Hoffman came around the other side of the car to get the door for her. She followed behind the detective once more as the woman rummaged through her purse to find her house keys. On a separate clip from her car keys, she pulled the keys from her bag and unlocked the door.

“Make yourself comfortable, Agent.” She slipped her flats off by the door and dropped her things across the living room as she made a line straight for the kitchen. Strahm sat in the armchair closest to the door, leaving her jacket on top of Maureen’s. She rested her head against her fists and spread her legs as far as they would go comfortably in the leather chair. Her leg started bouncing underneath her, and rather than try to force it down she just let it go until the urge to vibrate died on its own. Maureen came back with two plates of food, one with a slightly bigger portion that she put in front of her spot on the couch and put the other before Petra. While it was a friendly gesture, Maureen told Petra “Eat.” in a tone that sounded more like a command. Petra nodded and picked over the broccoli with her fork, going for the salmon piece at the center of her plate. She went back to the vegetables when it was clear that Maureen was watching her and begrudgingly ate the damn broccoli even though it was actually cooked fine. Almost as if to reward Strahm, Maureen took the straining buttons on her dress shirt and popped them open, showing off her ample chest. Strahm tucked her legs closer together and shoveled the rest of her food into her mouth before she said something even more stupid than before. With a heavy sigh, Maureen loosened her updo and let the almost raven brown hair fall onto her shoulders like a waterfall. Strahm’s hair was messy, full of split ends… what she wouldn’t give to run her fingers through the soft locks. Her heart was practically projecting through the whole house, or so it seemed to her. She felt her pulse pounding in her wrist as her hand wearily reached up to her own hair and ran her fingers through it to ‘fix’ it. “Come here.” Maureen was tired of the cat and mouse game the other woman was playing with her. Strahm felt her words pull her from her spot and before her at the couch. She didn’t think she was that desperate a woman until Hoffman’s hand wrapped around her shoulder and gently guided her down to the floor, resting on her knees before the pregnant woman. “The things I could do to you, Agent.” “Like what?” Strahm asked. Hoffman tisked, realizing that despite all her gruff and loud barks she really didn’t have any bite. “Let’s start off easy on you. God knows it already looks like you’re going to pass out from just looking at me.” She pulled her back up so that Strahm could sit behind her on the couch. She leaned back into Strahm and draped her hair over the other woman’s shoulders. Strahm carefully pressed her lips onto the crown of Hoffman’s head, who responded in kind with a satisfied purr. Her hands hovered over the space of the detective before resting them against Hoffman’s back. “Good girl, keep going”. Strahm hands slid down Hoffman’s back before resting in the space just above her ass, kneading into the tense muscles as Maureen lifted her feet up from off the floor. Strahm jammed her knuckles slowly into the soft fat that sat on the woman’s hips and worked her joints deeper into Maureen’s muscle. She carefully snaked a hand around the front of Maureen’s body and rested it under the baby bump before tracing a finger over the stretch marks that were created from Maureen’s gift of life. Maureen’s eyes were shut tight as Strahm spoiled her but every once in a while Strahm would extract a mewl from the mother to-be that was like music to her ears. Her hand slunk its way back to just under Hoffman’s shoulder blades and worked out the tension from the center of her back. “You’re such a good girl when you have something you want dangling in front of you… almost like a dog.”

“You’re a dog,” Strahm bit back, “A bitch even.” “That’s not very nice.” Hoffman didn’t even open her eyes as she gently scolded Petra. “I might look like a bitch in heat, but that doesn’t mean just anyone can say it. If you were my subordinate, I’d give you paperwork duty for a month for saying that.” “Spare me.” Strahm rolled her eyes “And you’ve been behaving so well up until now. Did I hit a sore spot, Agent?” She feigned naivety. “Do you want to breed me, huh?” “I…” Strahm started to stammer “Oh, dear.” Maureen opened her eyes and pursed her lips, “Darling, has that been your goal this whole time?” “I-No I mean…” “Why didn’t you just say so?” She guided Strahm’s hand in between her legs and pressed her thighs together, “Follow my instructions carefully.” “And then what?” “Then you’ll get what you came here for.” “Fine.” Strahm looked away from the woman “Go upstairs. My room is the first room on the right next to the stairs. On the opposite side of the door is my bed and next to that is my vanity. In my drawers get out…” “Okay, I get it.” Strahm walked off and went to find Hoffman’s room. She lugged herself up the stairs and went into the bedroom. The bed was made up perfectly and Strahm found herself gravitating to the silk sheets, sitting down on the over-sized mattress for one woman. She ran a hand over the comforter before getting back up and pilfering through Hoffman’s drawers. Without a doubt the toy that Hoffman wanted was there, and Strahm brought it back down to the detective. “Don’t act like you’ve never seen a dildo before, love.” Hoffman uncrossed her legs as Strahm approached her with the toy in hand. “It’s just so… pink.” Strahm looked at it for a moment before sitting down next to Hoffman. Hoffman leaned into her partner and covered her lips in kisses of varying lengths. The first couple were like a puppy lapping at Strahm’s face before Maureen’s teeth came down and tugged on the inside of her lips. Strahm dropped the toy onto the couch as she let out a moan. She pulled away for a second to throw the thing onto the coffee table before going back to making out with the woman in front of her. She wrapped her arms around Maureen, grabbing at her ass while their kisses turned into sloppy mashes rather than something coherent. “I need you.”

“Then take me.” Maureen purred into Strahm’s ear, backing off her slowly. Strahm swallowed back the fear sitting in her throat and tugged at the hem of Hoffman’s maternity pants. Even her underwear was stupid sexy… or at least stupid sexy to a woman in a very long dry spell. Maureen seemed aware that Strahm was distracted by something, so helped the other woman slide everything off her thick hips, past her generous thighs and onto the floor. Petra worked the buttons open off Hoffman’s shirt as her lips connected back to Maureen’s neck. Without looking up, she unhooked the back of Hoffman’s bra. The fat spilled out from the garment and Petra moved her mouth further south, sucking on the skin. Hoffman wrapped her fingers through Strahm’s hair and forced her head down further so that Petra would suck on her nipple. They both moaned as Strahm licked at the overly tender skin. “Oh, honey.” “Honey?” Strahm pulled her mouth away, eliciting a whine from Hoffman. Her hand slid under Hoffman’s tit and massaged her. “Yes, honey. Do I need to say it again?” “Eh, one more time can’t hurt.” Strahm shrugged, resulting in the most deadpan stare from Maureen. Strahm nervously hovered over the other woman for a second after the gaff before undoing her shirt and showing Hoffman a little more. “So pretty.” Hoffman leaned back into her, “I could devour you.” “I’d like to see you try.” “There’s my confident girl again.” Hoffman titled Strahm’s head up by her chin, “Now. Make me yours, love.” “Fine. Fine. How do you want to do this?” Strahm grabbed the toy and coated it generously in lube. Hoffman got onto her knees and leaned forward with her ass sticking up in Strahm’s face, “Guess you didn’t need to think much about that.” “No. Just been thinking about it all day since I saw you at the crime scene this morning.” Hoffman shot back at her. Before she knew it, she felt Petra slid the toy into her slowly. Hoffman bucked her hips up into Strahm’s hand, taking the agent by surprise. She wrapped her free hand around the inside of Hoffman’s thigh before slowly thrusting the dildo into her partner. Hoffman’s fist pulled on the fabric of the couch cushions underneath her as she backed up into Strahm once more. “I lied earlier.” Strahm said, adjusting herself so she could be over Hoffman completely. “You’re not a bitch in heat.” “Yeah?” Hoffman bit down on her own lip, “What am I then?” “You’re a fucking heifer.” Strahm’s words curled over the edge of Hoffman’s ear and sat in her mind for a moment. “Everything about you is fucking gigantic. Your chest… your stomach… On your knees like this you look just like a fucking cow. How much bigger are you going to get before you deliver your calf, huh?” “F-Fuck…” Hoffman stuttered as she kept riding on the toy in Petra’s hand. Petra’s hand moved from in between Hoffman’s thigh and up her stomach, stopping for a moment over the baby bump. After running her hands over it in a circular motion, she clutched one of Maureen’s boobs in the palm of her hand. She gave it a light squeeze and Maureen shoved her head into the fabric of the couch, suppressing her moan. Her legs shook ever so slightly and Strahm pulled the toy out before tossing it to the side and pressing two fingers onto Hoffman’s wet clit. She rubbed at the muscle for a couple of seconds before Hoffman’s legs gave out from under her. Her whole body twitched as she came with the help of Strahm. She balled up her fists and hit the couch until she was satisfied. She would’ve happily fallen asleep face first in the fabric were it not for Strahm’s help in repositioning her onto her back. She took Strahm’s hand and placed it in the space between her boobs, just over her heart. She looked up at her with eyes that asked for more from the other woman as her hair splayed across the pillow like raindrops ebbing along glass. Strahm leaned into Hoffman and pressed her lips onto her cheek, trailing her hand up just a little higher to rest just below where Maureen’s neck started.

Hoffman scooched over to allow for some room at her side, patting the space. Strahm laid on her side and wrapped an arm over Hoffman’s center, curling around the space heater of a woman. Hoffman pulled a blanket over Strahm and ran the back of her hand over Petra’s cheek. “Sleepy?” She asked “Yeah. Just a little.” Strahm replied, stretching out a little under the blanket. Maureen kissed her forehead and Petra returned it with her lips on Maureen’s. Maureen looked down at herself with a subtle smile before saying, “I’ve never been this happy with someone… You just feel right with me, Agent.” “Petra.” Strahm corrected her, “I think we’re past the point of titles.” “Alright, Petra…” Hoffman used her name cautiously, expecting some kind of scoff or a pull back from the FBI agent. “Like I said… something about you and I feels right. Don’t you agree?” “Yeah.” Strahm replied stoically, “I’ve never been with a woman…” Her thought trailed off “A woman like me?” Hoffman tried finishing it for her “No…” Strahm bit the inside of her cheek “Oh.” Maureen’s lip curled at the ends and she wrapped her arms carefully around Strahm. A hand rested on Strahm’s neck, nearly covering every inch. Strahm shivered slightly at the sheer size of the other woman’s hand, and Hoffman smiled back at her. It was a bit more devious this time, but Strahm couldn’t put her finger on why. “You’d look beautiful in a white dress.”

“I…” Strahm’s brain proceeded to force restart over and over as she thought about what Maureen had just said. “We could probably get hitched in Atlantic City, if we’re feeling real crazy.” She said it to diffuse any tension that was there between them, but did almost fear that Maureen would take her up on her offer. Not that she’d mind. Maureen Strahm had a nice ring to it after all. Her face must’ve been bright red because Maureen took her hand off the small of her neck and moved it to the center of her back instead. “I’d rather we go somewhere nicer.” Hoffman ran her other hand along the front of Strahm’s chest. “Plus we could take the babies with us.” “… Babies?” “Oh, you didn’t think I was this big for one baby did you, Agent?” Hoffman smirked “Yeah… I kind of thought you were.” “No. It’s twins.” Maureen kissed her “You’re lucky you’re so… hot.” Strahm fumbled with her words while she tried to wrap her head around the fact that she had gotten a girlfriend, and two children in a day. “I know, love.” Hoffman ran her fingers through Petra’s hair before telling her, “Sleep.” “Fine. Good night.” “Good night.” Maureen kept stroking the back of Strahm’s head until her partner was out. “You’ll be the perfect mother to my children… And I’ll have my happy little family.”

[spiralinghours]

“Cream”

Fandom/media: Saw franchise

Ship: Fem/genderbent Hoffstrahm (established)

Rating: 18+ (nothing crazy happens in this installment but you shouldn’t be a minor readin’ my stuff!)

Content warnings: feeding kink/stuffing, belly kink, tight clothing, light humiliation kink, implications of oral, Strahm being dominant and etc… New Jersey mention (lol)

Summary: Agent Strahm admires the domesticity of her girlfriend baking when she gets home from work… But of course it turns kinky because of who they are as people lol.

Author’s note: I wrote this kind of in a rush because I was finally hit with inspiration and didn’t want to lose it. I also just wanted to get to the point with this one. (So, sorry if I missed any spelling or grammatical errors!) This whole piece is less about any actual sex and more about the fetishy foreplay. Idk I may write a follow up to this. Actually… yeah… But that one may be brief too.

Also, I never would’ve thought that the type of fic I write for a torture porn horror series would be soft feeding. Life be that way, huh?

Anyway, enjoy… or don’t!

It wasn’t often, but an evening like this particular one made Strahm feel like she was playing house: coming home at a reasonable hour to the quaint but aesthetically charming home she shared with her girlfriend… And that girlfriend, who also appeared to be home (despite typically keeping erratic police hours) seemed to be productive in the kitchen.

The distinctive scent of confectionery ingredients and a mild vanilla hung in the air, right from the entrance and all the way through the house. Strahm set her satchel and purse on the couch and advanced further in to see what Hoffman was up to.

“What’re you making here?” Strahm leaned against the white framing of the entryway, clip bumping against it and shifting her black bun around.

Hoffman turned with an amused little twist to her thick lips (a subtle form of expression Strahm was used to). She wrung flour and small dough fragments off her hands as she continued to move around the kitchen island, which was currently filled with trays of differing baked shells. “Just experimenting with some puff pastry stuff… Eh, trying to make them creamier or whatever, but these are too flaky, too fragile. Those little crossaint-y type things we had last week at Petit Chou? I’m trying to make those! God, they were good.” Hoffman brought a forearm to her eyes and grunted, exasperated. “Ugh, these cream-filled desserts are gonna be the death of me, though…”

“I had no idea you could bake,” Strahm droned on, entering the space and leaning on a counter, trying to not get in the way (though she was always primed to invade Hoffman’s personal space).

“I… don’t think I can,” Hoffman bumbled. “I googled and YouTubed some things and now I’m here.” She shrugged, some dark long hairs loosening around her neck, falling against her blue button-down. “It’s been a whole thing today.”

Strahm saw the opportunity—Hoffman standing still in thought with nothing in her grip—to slip behind her for an embrace. As she did so, she smoothed her palms over Hoffman’s broad hips, and down over the front of her taut apron, caressing the roundness of her lower belly. “Why? Because baking is so hard, darlin’? Or because you can’t stop dipping in to your own goods?” Strahm’s voice was sharp and teasing, one of her palms pressing more firmly against Hoffman’s hefty curve.

“You tryna distract me?” Hoffman perked a curious brow.

“I didn’t do anything,” Strahm mused behind her, playing dumb and straightforward (and burrowing her prominent nose into her hair). “If you’re distracted that’s on you.”

“Yeah, but… do you wanna distract me?” Hoffman’s silly Jersey accent emphasized in the way the question tapered out from her lips. It was all blunt and sweetly playful.

Strahm made quick work to move and face Hoffman, grabbing one of her wrists and bringing the whole chubby hand to her lips, sucking the dough, cream, and flour from each finger. She lingered on a pinky, rolling her spongey tongue around its plush and delicate skin. “Is this working?”

“A little,” Hoffman hummed, voice dropping deeper into a lustful register.

“Whatever are you gonna do with all these little pastries?” Strahm faux-cooed, a sliver of menace just under the surface. “Come on, sit down and try some of them…”

“But I gotta—”

“I’ll keep an eye on whatever’s baking, I’ll clean up or whatever, just sit down. I want you to eat what you made.” While the sentiment was adoring at surface level, there was a tinge of demanding grit to the last sentence.

Hoffman complied, wiping her hands off on a flour-caked rag before hunkering down heavily into one of the island-height chairs.

Strahm, meanwhile, scuttling around in her tight, black pencil skirt from the day, landed on a particularly abundant tray and carried it over. “They smell so good, don’t they?”

Hoffman nodded dumbly, just eager for a taste, eager for attention.

“Open up, come on, open…”

Hoffman parted her plump lips as Strahm pushed the rolled-up, overfilled shell past them, smearing the glistening red lipstick with pastry flakes. “That’s fucking delicious…”

“I’ll bet.” Strahm purred. “Ooo, one more thing…” She stamped about from cupboard to fridge and returned with a glass of milk, which she held in front of Hoffman’s face with an expectant grin.

Meanwhile, Hoffman had absently reached for a couple more palm-sized pastries, beginning the repetitive string of automatic motions, bringing each little dessert to her lips.

“Ah ah!” Strahm gave a light slap to Hoffman’s sugary hand, which also elicited a sad droop to her blue eyes. “You let me do that.” The grin on her dark rose petal lips stretched cunningly. She drew closer, hooking one long leg over the other woman’s lap, and then the other, slotted and sat securely, chest to chest. Then the tasting resumed.

Watching the way a tray of roughly ten pieces (maybe more, if counting the tiny little “half” desserts that were messed up) became empty fairly quickly sent a clichéd quiver through Strahm. The reality was she was getting hot at the temples, perspiring around the neckline of her shirt, and subtly starting to grind herself against what little space there was on Hoffman’s lap… which really wasn’t much. Her thick gut had only pushed father forward atop her wide thighs with every treat finished, with every full chug of milk.

It was making an animal out of Strahm, who—trying so hard to maintain a composed and sultry demeanor—couldn’t help but grind and rut a little more frantically… eventually hiking her tight skirt up further and pressing her crotch up against Hoffman’s belly. God, it was losing its give, feeling so solid and… bouncy.

“Ugh, could you calm down with that, please?” Hoffman sheepishly groaned, rubbing a sticky, tacky hand across the apex of her gut. A quiet burp slipped out in the process. “You’re sloshing my stomach.”

“Too much?” Strahm leaned in, syrupy viciousness in her inflection. She pressed her warm breasts firmly against Hoffman’s more ample chest and reached to pinch her cheek. “I’m sorry. Buuuut, you should probably finish that other tray there. It looks good, doesn’t it?”

Hoffman simply nodded, eyes cast dopeishly to another nearby tray of slightly more enticing, better-formed delectables. They did indeed look delicious… And who else was going to eat them? She reasoned with herself despite the little bit of churning that was starting to occur within. “Can you just take off my apron first, please?” she murmured to Strahm.

Strahm did so, an evil little grin returning to her lips as she watched Hoffman’s gut expand just a little, just enough, having been held back by the tight apron fabric. “You hungry? It’s only eight more. You gonna eat them for me?” She rubbed a palm appraisingly from Hoffman’s plump waist to the front of her shirt.

“Mmmhmm…”

Strahm reclaimed her place on her lap, perched on just one thigh this time.

One. Two. Three. Four and five. Very soon all of them, all the little pastries, gone. So was all the milk.

With smeared and sticky lips, crumbs nestled in her cleavage, Hoffman was left panting and sighing, raking her large palms up over her exaggerated curves and resting them in the wedge between her belly and her breasts. “Ugh, okay, that’s a lot… I’m pretty full.”

“I’ve definitely seen you eat more than that,” Strahm snarked, playing her black fingernails into the stretching gaps between the buttons on Hoffman’s blouse.

“Well, you were right… Before you got home, I was already eating these as they came out of the oven. Snacking on the filling from the bowl, too.” Hoffman looked off to the side with a coy blush.

“What a surprise,” Strahm mocked softly.

“Ugh, speaking of cream-filled…” Hoffman made a show of patting her wobbling belly before attempting to hoist her hips forward, trying to feel a little less stuck in her chair. Strahm stayed in position, not helping one bit.

“I wouldn’t say you’re totally filled yet,” Strahm mumbled, feeling the heat rush to her face, arousal shaking her voice. She was so turned on it was embarrassing. “I have something else I want you to taste.”

A knowing, silly expression crossed Hoffman’s face, all stupid, blue doe eyes and a lick of her lips. “I have room for that,” she giggled.

[degloved]

yuri hoffstrahm enjoyers are abt to get a lil treat i cannot stop thinking about girlstrahm and i intend to do something abt it

[theflirtmeister]

flip flop the last drabble from fem saw oneshot collection?

You cold-cock Hoffman with your pistol, and she staggers backwards, narrowly misisng the gaping maw of the coffin. You grunt, adjusting your sweaty hands around the handle of your gun, and Hoffman spits blood at you, red smeared across her face like paint.

“Get in the coffin,” She demands, and your fingers brush the trigger. 

“You first,” You say, and she makes a noise like a wounded animal. It reminds you of the sound that family members make when you tell them a loved one is dead, guttural, horrifying. 

“Why don’t you ever fucking listen,” She snarls, and launches herself at you.

[judascr4dle]

Fem hoffstrahm again what fbe FUCK is up

[fiascobaby]

Hoffstrahm toxic yuri on your dashboard? It's more likely than you think!

Lil 1.5k fic heavily inspired by @dixxiemaegraphics impeccable fem Hoffstrahm art 🩷

At this point, Strahm was fairly certain she was going to have a heart attack--and she would be charging all the ensuing medical bills to Detective Hoffman. It would be Hoffman's fault, after all (never mind the pack-and-a-half a day habit, and the endless redeyes from the café on the corner [which just last week had kindly but firmly stopped issuing Strahm frequent buyer cards because she filled them up too quickly]). No, it would be Hoffman's fault for every irritating clerical error when mis-handling paperwork--or sometimes evidence. Hoffman's fault for the parade of police stupidity that made Strahm sometimes feel she was living an absurdist stage play in which she existed only to suffer mightily without reason or end. Hoffman's fault for her blatant and obscene flaunting of regulation dress code. Every day, and seemingly more catastrophic each time.

Her latest crime against decency was currently bulging directly in Strahm's line of sight--her frankly enormous ass wedged into a pencil skirt that had fit precariously a month ago, and now was not so much holding on for dear life as begging to be released into the death it so surely deserved. Beneath the nearly sheer stretch of the fabric, Strahm glimpsed the outline of a lace-trimmed thong. Unsightly. Horrifying. The ballpoint pen clutched in her iron grip exploded under pressure, spilling ink all over her hand, the desk, the report she'd barely been paying attention to.

Later, as she scoured black stain from her hand in the single-occupancy washroom, she considered the notion that perhaps Hoffman enjoyed putting herself on display like that. She wouldn't put it past the detective--with her full lips and even fuller tits, her obstinate attitude, her habit of dressing without any appeal to common sense--to be some sort of crass exhibitionist. The thought that Hoffman wanted to be looked at, that she invited (even welcomed) the passing stares from their colleagues, sent a sick-hot feeling stabbing through Strahm's chest.

Proximity to Hoffman really was terrible for her health.

*

Ten minutes before walking into an interrogation together was perhaps not the ideal time to bring up a colleague's poor sartorial decisions, but Strahm had never been particularly keen on etiquette.

"What do you mean it 'doesn't fit'?" Hoffman's dumb doe eyes blinked slowly down to her shirt, then back up (and up a little more) to meet Strahm's unwavering glare. She tugged at the hem of the offending garment, straining the buttons across her chest that were barely holding it together as it was, revealing an exorbitant stretch of the silky black bra beneath. "Fits fine."

"It does not," Strahm ground out through her teeth, "fit. You look sloppy and unprofessional."

"And you look like you just spent the night doing speedballs and followed it up with a cocaine breakfast, but you don't see me pointing it out." Hoffman glowered and pursed her lips (and Strahm noted that their hue was just a shade too pink to look natural, like the flavored lip balm that had been in vogue when she was in college--a comparison which suddenly called to mind soft flesh-on-flesh and the tang of strawberry saliva).

Strahm took a deep breath, steadying herself against the impending headache gathering at her temples. "You could try sizing up."

"And you could try decaf," Hoffman spat back. "Where the fuck do you get off telling me how to dress?"

"Actually, there's a handbook that tells you how to dress." Strahm allowed herself the pleasure of a sneer. "Or maybe that section was too difficult to read."

"You're such a fucking bitch."

"And you're about to sully the credibility of this entire department. I know by now your math is terrible, so I'll do the calculation for you: that one is worse."

Hoffman stared at her for a long moment, and in the passage of breaths and thundering heartbeats Strahm expected a fight, expected Hoffman to push back, call her a prude or a cunt, or worse. Instead, Hoffman shrugged her broad, solid shoulders and smirked.

"Whatever. Get Perez in here, then. She dresses like a fucking nun."

Strahm very resolutely did not watch Hoffman walk away.

*

All the unease that had been simmering just beneath the level of Strahm’s conscious awareness emerged in sharp, disruptive clarity the day Hoffman popped a shirt button at work. Anyone who was paying any amount of attention to Hoffman’s wardrobe should have seen it coming (and Strahm certainly was and did) but it appeared to take Hoffman herself by surprise when, reaching across her desk to snag a third donut during their morning debriefing, the long-suffering button struggling to hold back the ample mass of her cleavage finally surrendered to the mandates of physics. There was a brief snapping sound–the release of disgruntled fabric–followed by a gentle clatter as the button landed atop a stack of file folders in someone’s inbox. Strahm looked over just in time to see Hoffman frowning down at her own breasts overspilling the starched-white confines of her shirt (likewise almost squeezing free from the cherry red bra now on full display).

“Damn,” Hoffman said, in that low, lazy tone that made Strahm want to crack drywall with her face. “Not again.”

Strahm was only aware of a faint, persistent ringing in her head as she watched Hoffman excuse herself from the meeting (only a casual, “‘Scuse me, boys” issued to pardon the glaring offense that was still bursting forth for all to see while she hauled herself up from her chair). She was sure she must have listened to the final droning recap of the latest update to the department’s approach to the Jigsaw case–must have listened to Perez’s report from the FBI side of the investigation–but it all occurred from within a bubble of static. Static and the oppressive afterimage of Hoffman’s tits bouncing in her mind’s eye.

She hardly registered anything until she was already down the hall, the meeting long over, making her way to the single-occupancy washroom that had become something of a shameful safe haven of late. She shoulder-checked the door so hard it slammed against the opposite wall, leaving a tiny crack in the pale blue paint. The other person in the washroom, standing at the mirror, lifted their gaze to assess the intrusion, and for a moment Strahm felt her limbs lock up with horror. There shouldn't have been another person in the washroom. It was Strahm's unholy luck that person was Detective Hoffman, shirt still gaping broadly.

“Christ, you don't even lock the door?” Strahm muttered, feeling her chest beginning to sweat. She turned to leave, but thick fingers took firm hold of her forearm, jerked her back around. The door swung shut behind her (trapped, she thought, from the part of her that was trained to survive). Hoffman was looking at her like a cat watching the dismembered movement of an insect it isn't sure it wants to eat yet, and it set off quiet sparks down the length of Strahm's spine. Sparks of rage, she would have liked to think. She knew better.

“What the fuck is your problem?” Strahm growled, twisting her arm in Hoffman's grasp.

Hoffman squeezed tighter in response. “Could ask you the same thing, Special Agent. You wanna take a picture or something?”

“What?” Strahm reared back in indignation, but was easily held in place. Hoffman, she supposed, was as dense as she appeared, all fat and muscle and sheer overpowering bulk. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Seen you ogling me,” Hoffman said slowly, a minatory edge in her voice that made Strahm’s legs go suddenly and unattractively trembly.

Strahm kept her voice as level as she could, trained her face into an expression of seasoned neutrality (a mask she was all too happy to shed in interrogation rooms and phone calls with her ex-husband, but whose stability she needed now), “Hard not to when you apparently don’t own a single article of clothing that fits.”

It was the wrong play, and she recognized it instantly when Hoffman’s lips (plump and soft and so fucking distracting to Strahm’s fraying senses) curled up in a triumphant smirk and she moved in closer to Strahm, still holding her arm in a vice. “Why’re you looking?”

At this point, Strahm knew that she was physically out-maneuvered, as she felt the press of Hoffman’s plush stomach against the flat plane of her own abs, Hoffman’s partially undressed tits crowding into her (décolletage heaving with what Strahm snidely thought must have been exertion). Her only recourse was to reason–or what passed for it when she could hardly think in complete sentences.

“Come on. You know exactly what you’re doing, with those skirts that barely fit and–and that shirt…”

Hoffman popped her lips. “Sounds a lot like blaming the victim, Agent Strahm.” She batted her eyelashes. “Are you sexually harassing me right now?”

“You’re physically harassing me,” Strahm exclaimed weakly, shaking her arm, which had started going numb in Hoffman’s grasp. “All I’m telling you to do is buy a new shirt.”

“You could loan me one,” Hoffman mused. The fingers of her free hand caressed the top button of Strahm’s blouse where it held her collar tight against the hollow of her throat, tugged at it lightly, almost teasingly.

Crawling discomfort–pins-and-needles in her arm, heat in her cheeks and sliding down into her stomach (and lower still)--made Strahm automatically twitch away from Hoffman’s touch. Hoffman chuckled.

“Wouldn’t fit me, anyway. Scrawny little thing like you?” Fingertips trailing, now, down the row of buttons, stopping at the horizon where Strahm’s shirt met the waistband of her skirt, pressing into her sharp hipbone. Hoffman’s voice was a breath, heavy and thick in the air between them, “God, you’re so…”

The door to the washroom opened once more–or, at least, it attempted to before it was blocked by the presence of Strahm’s shoulder.

“Hey, what the hell?” the officer on the other side of the door muttered.

“Just a second,” Hoffman called out easily. She released her hold on Strahm and stepped back, expression inscrutable. “After you, Special Agent.”

And Strahm, suddenly more aware of the heat and movement of her own blood than she’d ever been in her life, shame-facedly scurried out the door.

[dixxiemaegraphics]

Random little fem hoffstrahm I forgot about.

[hoffstrap-yuri]

Inspired by @afoxnamedmulder but a fem hoffstrahm legally blonde(ish) au. Instead of Hoffman going to Harvard for a guy and to prove her worth, she goes because she wants to improve the criminal justice system the only way she can think of and she gets there immediately she has beef with this equally brilliant East coast elite girl and she loathes her. It's a fight in every course over who can raise their hand and answer their professor's questions first, who writes the most succinct case briefs and a literal dual for an internship at the end of the academic year.

[spiralinghours]

If I wrote fem Hoffstrahm would y’all read/be into that? I’ve only seen like one or two other people write it but I’d like to go at it.

[twocrabcake]

I saw that you wrote a fem hoffstrahm fanfic based of someones gender band versions of them and I neeeed to know the name of it pretty please xx

sorry that wasn’t me-

[medievalcat]

fem hoffstrahm whats up

[hoffstrap-yuri]

Motherhood

ao3 // masterlist

*Summary: Maureen and Petra were adjusting to life as new mothers, but Petra can't help feel like she's not a piece of the puzzle

*Rating: +18 for Mature Explicit content

*Content/Tags: Mild Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Angst with a happy ending, Fluff and Angst, Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Romantic Fluff, Family Fluff, Sex, Oral Sex, Breastfeeding

*Status: Sequel/Complete (First Fic Here)

Author's Notes: Surprising no one, I was overcome with gay feelings for Maureen yet again and needed to bust out a fic for them. Now with their kids! I hope you enjoy this also hastily crafted sequel as much as I liked writing the little family. Who knows, there could be a third in the series u.u

Also yay for obligatory Lindsey cameo, because we love Lindsey in this household!

It's just a shame that the twins don't have a second aunt u.u

Petra woke up with a groan, aimlessly swatting at the baby monitor on the other bedside table.

“Hon. One of the girls is up.”

“Can’t you get her?”

“Fine, fine.” Strahm pulled herself out of bed and shuffled to the room next door. She took hold of the twin that cried for her mother and gave her the once over. “What’s wrong…? You can’t answer that, but” she sighed. A dirty diaper. She could fix that, thank god. She put the girl down on the changing table and grabbed everything she knew she’d need. Alyssa. This one was Alyssa. She gave Alyssa her favorite ring and smiled at her as she cleaned her up, hugging her tightly once more once they were done. She kissed her head and placed her back in her crib, as she crossed the threshold of the room she smelt something from Jessica. “You just had to let me get halfway back to your mother’s room.” The baby, seemingly aware of Strahm’s mild frustration, giggled as the woman strode across the room and picked her up. Definitely more hefty than her sister, Petra cleaned her up and got her settled back down. She looked over her shoulder at the digital clock facing the girls, only took her about 20 minutes to get them back down. With a soft sigh she dragged herself back into bed and shoved her face into the back of her partner. Her arms wrapped around the space heater of a woman and leeched the body heat from the bigger woman. She waited for a toss, a shift, some kind of indication that Maureen was still up to no avail. Her breath brushed along the back of Maureen’s neck before whispering a soft, “I love you” to the hibernating bear. “I love you so damn much… It hurts.” Her hands slid across the once taut skin where Maureen’s twins had grown, now gave way to loose flesh. “… am I ever going to feel like a mother to the girls? Or is that just something reserved for you?”

She shook her head, trying to clear her mind like an etch-a-sketch before she would be able to fall asleep. Try as she might, the thoughts didn’t want to stop. She pulled herself away from Maureen and sat in the chair across the room. She walked downstairs and laid on the couch, covering herself up in more than three blankets to make up for the lack of Maureen’s warmth. It was this stupid piece of furniture where it all started. Where she promised that she’d stay by Maureen’s side, that she’d raise the baby as hers before Hoffman told her it’d be twins. “Stupid…”

“Petra?” A voice from behind the couch asked. Petra looked up in the direction of the voice, seeing the moonlight soaking Maureen’s visage. Literally radiant. She hated how beautiful she looked sometimes, when it came to her so effortlessly. Petra rolled over so she didn’t have to look at Maureen, “Petra. Tell me what’s wrong. Right now.”

“I’m not your girls, you can’t tell me what to do.”

“And if I asked nicely?” Maureen sighed

“Fine.” Strahm slid so that she was upright and made space for her girlfriend. When Maureen crashed down onto the couch, Petra wrapped herself around her. “I guess… I feel weird about taking care of the girls, because they’re not mine.”

“They’re yours.” Maureen’s lips reached out to make contact with Petra’s neck

“No I mean… You’re their mom, am I going too far if I kiss them on the cheek?” Petra tried to skirt away from her partner. Maureen’s arm was around her back before she could. Her chest shook as she said it.

“So you’ve been holding back on affection?”

“Yes… and it’s not like they can tell me what’s okay for me to do…”

“Petra, listen to me.” She took Strahm’s face into her hand and forced her to look into her eyes. “I may have carried them, got knocked up before I even knew you existed, but I’ll be damned if you keep acting like you’re not their mother.” She kissed the crown of her head and ran her thumb over Petra’s cheeks. “You are. You’re their mother.”

“I wish… I could believe you when you say that.” Strahm pulled away from Maureen’s touch, moving as far as she could on the furniture. Maureen sighed and stood.

“Let’s talk about this more in the morning.” She said, “I love you. Even if you don’t love me right now.”

“Maureen.” Petra sighed as her partner walked slowly up the stairs. She was out of earshot but Strahm whispered after Maureen, “I love you…” She pulled a pillow over her face and silently screamed into it. She threw the pillow across the room before getting up and grabbing it; she would need it if she wanted to get back to sleep tonight. “I love you, Maureen.”

---

Strahm woke up as light trickled into the living room. It couldn’t have been later than seven. She hauled herself up from the couch and rummaged through the kitchen. Hearing the commotion in her kitchen, Maureen appeared downstairs like a spirit summoned. She wrapped her arms around Petra’s front and buried her head into the back of Strahm’s neck. Strahm’s hand gravitated for the thick locks of hair that fell onto her shoulder, affectionately running her fingers through her girlfriend’s hair.

“I’ll make breakfast.” Maureen said in a low voice

“No I’ll get it.”

“You can’t cook for shit, love. Get away from my appliances.” She growled, snaking a hand up Petra’s shirt. “I’ll give you more if you fucking sit down.”

“Fine I was just trying to be nice.” She squirmed away and sat at the table. Hoffman started making a cup of coffee for Strahm in her fancy espresso machine. She placed it in front of Petra and after she took a sip from the cup, she kissed her. Hoffman licked the trace of foam off her girlfriend’s lip to get a taste of caffeine. Petra used her finger to clean up the rest of the drink. Maureen leaned against the table and loosened the tie on her robe to give Petra a view of her favorite part of Maureen. “You’re being real generous this morning. Do you have some motive?”

“If I did?”

“I’d ask what it was.” Petra leaned into her and rested her hands on Maureen’s hips

“Can we talk about last night?” Maureen had set the trap and lured Petra in. Now Petra was snared.

“Yeah. We can talk about it.” Petra replied with a sigh. She ran a hand through her hair and looked into Maureen’s eyes. Her eyes were watery, threatening to spill if Petra wasn’t careful with her words. Of course, Petra was about as gentle with her words as a bull in a china shop. She had a tendency to get her foot in her mouth more often than it was on the ground.

“Why do you feel like you’re not the girls’ mother?” Maureen asked, point blank. There was no stepping around the issue.

“I guess…” Strahm started with a deep sigh, trying to collect her words. Thoughts were racing around her head; threatening to spill when there was only one train of thought that she actually meant to elaborate on. “This is going to be long” she said in a sort of apology.

“I have time. It’s Sunday. Like I was really going to plan on going to mass.” Maureen tried to cut the tension. At the very least it made Strahm’s lips curl into a half-hearted grin. She wanted so badly to kiss Maureen, but she didn’t feel worthy while they had this talk. God knows she should’ve cherished their kiss before bed last night given that that might be the last kiss she ever received from Hoffman.

“Growing up I knew something was wrong with me…” Strahm winced, thinking about the way she was as a kid. Constant wraps on her knuckles from the nuns, and school sanctioned bullying for looking like a fag when she was old enough to decide she hated her hair long. “I didn’t know I was into women but something never felt right when I’d kiss a guy… and when I did figure that out I resigned myself to the fact that I wasn’t meant to have kids. I thought and I thought about how I never really wanted kids really… I mean what woman would want kids with another woman, right? We’d look ridiculous…” Her fists were curled up in the fabric of her sleepwear as she tried to avoid looking at Maureen. “So this entire time I’ve been holding off from wanting something I shouldn’t have. Something I can’t have. At least in my mind. Why get my hopes up when I’m used to a life of disappointment?”

There was silence between the two of them, Petra knew she fucked up when her chest started to heave and hot tears ran down her face. She turned away from Maureen and started to walk towards the bathroom, the front door, anywhere so Maureen didn’t have to look at her pathetic self. Maureen’s hand reached out and closed the distance between the two of them, taking her girlfriend into her arms. Petra froze

“Honey… love.” With one hand on the small of Petra’s back the other found its way through the strands of Petra’s hair. She gasped for air as the cries turned into sobs and her fists curled up around the silk of Maureen’s pajamas. Maureen let go of her for just a second to walk the length of the kitchen and grab tissues for her before Petra clung to her a magnet once more. She kept whispering her pet names for Strahm into Strahm’s ear until Petra was no longer crying. Her breathes were still ragged, but she’d managed to stop crying and looked into Maureen’s eyes for salvation.

“I love you,” She mumbled, barely louder than a whisper, “I love you so much and it hurts to think of my life without you or the girls now… but I just couldn’t let myself love them. What if you got tired of me and told me to leave?”

“I know.” Maureen’s thumbs carefully wiped away the last remnants of tears on Petra’s red cheeks, “I want to spend forever with you, but I understand why you’d think that.”

“Forever?”

“Forever.” Maureen looked at her with a serious expression. Her lips press ever so softly onto Petra’s with the mercy of an angel that Petra knew she didn’t deserve.

“I love you.” Petra repeated

“I love you too.” Maureen echoed back to her. Her hand rubbed a giant circle along Strahm’s back before asking, “You want some breakfast now?”

“Please.” Strahm used the edge of her sleeve to finish cleaning up her face. She took a seat at the table and crossed her legs, reaching for the paper on the table while she waited. While Maureen was in her own world throwing ingredients into the pan, Strahm decided she needed to check on the girls out of her own volition. She went up the stairs, probably creaking loudly into the kitchen. One… Jessica. Jessica had drool on her mouth that Strahm grabbed a wipe to clean off before holding onto her. After hesitantly waiting she kissed her cheek. It felt right. It didn’t feel like it was misplaced, or that she had overstepped and was to be smite by God. Jessica looked so happy in her second mother’s arms. It was going to take her time to learn how to be a better parent to her girls, but for once since the family left the hospital it felt like Strahm was in control of her own life. She whispered quietly, “I love you, Jessica.” before putting her back in her crib and taking Alyssa into her arms, showing a similar level of motherly affection to her other daughter. When she put Alyssa back down, she repeated the words “I love you, Alyssa”. She traced over the outline of the crib’s, admiring Maureen’s handiwork for a moment before walking back downstairs. Maureen was already going to town on her plate when she came back.

“Food’s getting cold.” Maureen hummed, food filling her mouth. “You okay, honey?”

“Yeah… just thought I’d go check on the girls.”

“Were they crying?” Maureen shifted in her seat, “Did they need to be fed?”

“No, they’re okay for now. Sleeping soundly, though Jessica had some spit up on her cheek.” Strahm took the first bite of eggs before eating at a similar pace as her partner. When Maureen finished her food she pressed her lips onto the crown of Strahm’s head and said,

“You’ll be such a good mother to the girls.” She assured her

“Thanks.” Petra’s hand rested against Maureen’s cheek. Maureen nuzzled against it before kissing the skin above Petra’s pulse, “You want me to do the dishes?”

“I’d prefer if you brought the girls down.”

“Okay.” Petra went back upstairs and carried Alyssa down, then went back up to grab Jessica, lest she drop one of the twins on the way down.

“Oh, there’s my girls.” Maureen lit up when she saw her daughters on the living room floor, scooping them up into her arms and covering them in kisses.

“I thought you said you were gonna do dishes.” Strahm smirked

“Dishes are soaking, and almost done.” Hoffman countered

“Uh huh.”

“Promise. You wouldn’t tear me away from my babies now, would you?” She puffed up her lips and put on the most fragile looking doe eyes. Strahm rolled her eyes, but ultimately yielded to her partner. Petra sat back on the couch while Maureen did what looked like baby aerobics to her daughters, at least to Petra. She eventually slid down off the furniture and sat on the floor with her family as the girls got bored with the lion Maureen was trying to force them to play with. Petra inched towards Maureen as she laid on the floor and kissed her.

“Mhm, what’s that for?” Maureen wrapped a hand around Strahm’s shoulder as she returned the kiss

“Your little lion voice was cute.” Strahm smiled down at her partner

“Thank you, I tried.” She replied in the lion voice

“But not that cute.” Strahm’s face turned serious before cracking once more. After making sure her back was clear, Petra sat back down next to Maureen and started shaping Maureen’s hair as it cascaded out onto the carpet floor.

“You’re so pretty.” Maureen blurted out. She said it as if it was as natural as breathing to her

“You’re prettier.”

“This isn’t a contest, love. You can be gorgeous, and I can be beautiful.” Maureen leaned forward ever so slightly and looked into Strahm’s eyes with those ocean foam blue eyes

“Yeah… but you’re absolutely breathtaking.”

“And you make the stars envious of how brightly you shine.” Maureen buttered her up with flowery language. Petra made a run for Jessica as the girl crawled towards the door faster than either mother could herd her back towards her sister.

“Got you.” She told the infant, who giggled at her mother. “You look just like your mom with that devious smile of yours.”

“I don’t know, seems like she’s got your personality though.” Maureen teased her, taking Jessica from Petra’s arms and holding her against her chest. “Seems like someone’s getting fussy.”

“Then feed her” Strahm shrugged

“I will, I will.” Hoffman lifted her shirt up. Jessica latched on to the teat and Hoffman held her. Strahm ended up staring at Hoffman’s chest while she fed their daughter, and Hoffman knew her girlfriend was looking. She smirked and cleaned the two of them up before taking the twins back upstairs for their afternoon nap. When she came back down she had a certain satisfied look on her face as she pulled Petra from across the floor back onto her knees before Maureen’s spot on the couch.

“Oh honey. Whatever am I going to do with you?”

“What do you want?” Petra asked, pressing her lips onto Maureen’s knees as she waited for an answer.

“You know our first night together? Something like that… with you absolutely salivating at the sight of my pregnant body.”

“Have I not been a loyal devotee to you as you are now?” Petra’s eyebrow perked up. Her hands slowly inched up underneath Maureen’s shirt, resting on her hips before lifting the fabric up. Her mouth was on the stretchmarks of Maureen’s stomach before the other woman could say another word.

“Just like that, my love.” Hoffman’s hand threaded through Strahm’s hair. She split her legs open and Strahm hopped onto her lap. Her lips met with Maureen’s collarbone and wrapped her arms loosely around Maureen’s neck.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.” Strahm’s hips bucked up into the fat that spilled into Maureen’s lap

“You spoil me.” Maureen purred

“Can I do something selfish?” Strahm asked her

“Sure.” Maureen laughed, not knowing what it could entail. Strahm took her shirt off over her head and tossed it to the side, running her thumb over Maureen’s nipple. She cupped Maureen’s breast with one hand before putting her lips around the bud. She started sucking slowly. “Hon… honey…”

“Yeah?” Petra asked, her mouth still perched around her nipple.

“Yeah. Do that.” Maureen’s mind was quietly short circuiting as Strahm smirked. She continued to suck on her nipple before managing to draw some of the milk from her teat. She drank from her partner even though it was useless for her. Maureen’s nails dug deeper into the skin of Petra’s hips as her girlfriend drunk her dry. Her hand that cupped Maureen’s boob massaged the fat before trailing that same hand over her stomach. She pulled off and cleaned the side of her mouth with the tip of her finger before moving her mouth further south. Her tongue dipped into Maureen’s belly button before leaving a love bite on skin just above the spot.

“Be honest with me dear…” Maureen hummed, “Was I pretty when I was pregnant?”

“I could care less. I can’t get a-fucking-enough of you.” Strahm growled. Maureen threw her head back against the couch and clamped down on Petra’s hips. Petra tore her hands up before getting back onto the floor. She pulled Maureen’s pants down to her ankles and pressed her lips along the hem of her underwear. They were sloppy and wet, tongue applying pressure to the waistband. When she knew Maureen was good and teased, she slid the panties in a similar fashion to the floor. Petra’s tongue licked at Maureen’s clit until her partner’s legs folded and her back arched. Her hands pulled on Petra’s hair as she tried to keep herself quiet so the babies wouldn’t wake up from her screams. Petra stopped teasing her and let her finally cum. Maureen’s back slumped and Strahm’s thumb flicked over the skin of Maureen’s womb.

“I love you…” Maureen whimpered after Strahm’s head was back up from in between her legs. Strahm pressed her lips once more onto Hoffman’s stomach before replying.

“I love you too.” She shut her eyes and whispered something silently against Hoffman’s body. Hoffman didn’t ask. She didn’t want to take away from how mesmerized Petra acted over her.

“Come here.” Maureen said in a demanding voice, tugging her girlfriend up. Petra gladly let Hoffman pose her to her comfort until she was lying on her back and Maureen was on top of her. It was almost suffocating, but the pressure felt so good on her. Maureen’s hands rested on Petra’s chest before she slowly started kneading her boobs.

“What are you doing?” Petra looked at her

“You’ve ever had a cat?”

“Back when I was in college.” Petra continued to look at her like she was crazy

“When they’re happy, they knead.”

“Okay, so you’re happy. Why my chest and not my stomach?” Petra laughed

“No reason.”

“Mhm.” Petra’s hand rested on Hoffman’s back. “So it has nothing to do with you trying to also make me lactate?”

“No comment.” Maureen replied, continuing her massage. Petra grabbed the blanket from behind her girlfriend and wrapped it around the two of them. “I love you.”

“Love you too.” Petra replied, her fatigue suddenly crashing upon her like waves. Sensing the other woman’s tiredness, she pulls herself off her girlfriend. Petra whined and reached out for Maureen before asking, “Where are you going?”

“To take a shower. My hair is gross.” She fluffed up the oily ends, “That and everyone else is occupied for the time being.”

“Let me shower with you.” Petra protested

“No. Sleep.” She told Petra. Petra grumbled some more before rolling over and taking a nap

“That’s my girl.” Maureen ran her hand over Petra’s head. She slipped into the shower quickly and came back to Petra. She curled up next to her and listened to the house’s creaks to lull herself to sleep. She’s woken up by the sound of someone hitting her front door furiously. She slid off the couch and slinked over to the spot where she kept her gun. She loaded it and kept to the walls of the living room before peering out the door.

“Agent Perez.” She said while opening the door

“Maureen.” She nodded

“What are you doing here?” She asked nonchalantly, tucking her gun away

“Strahm said the two of you wanted to go on a date. So here I am. To babysit.” Lindsey waved her hands in front of her like she was about to perform a magic trick

“Oh. Come in then.” Maureen held the door open for Lindsey and rustled Petra, “Hon. Wake up.”

“Mhm.” Petra groaned

“I know a way to wake her up.” Lindsey shrugged

“Hopefully it’s not cold water. This couch was expensive.”

“No.” Lindsey laughed before getting in her work partner’s face and shouting, “I’ll tell you what I want.”

Petra jolted up from the couch and replied with the next line in the song, “What I really really want.”

“You’re welcome,” Lindsey bowed. Petra looked at her with irritation before softening at the sight of Maureen.

“Hey.” She reached out for Hoffman

“Lindsey’s here to babysit for us.”

“Oh shit, that’s today?” Petra reached around the couch to find her planner

“Yeah. Go get your dress on and take Maureen out.”

“I don’t think I’ve seen you in a dress since we’ve started dating.” Maureen purred. Petra’s face flushed and she quickly walked upstairs while Maureen explained everything there was to know about the twins. Strahm let out a sigh of relief as she came back down, knowing the girls were in Lindsey’s capable hands. “You’re gorgeous” Maureen commented, wrapping an arm around her before pecking her cheek. “I’d better go get ready.”

“Yeah.” Strahm’s hand trailed after Maureen as Maureen let go and went upstairs herself.

“You feeling better?” Lindsey asked Strahm. Petra looked up at her as she fidgeted with the hem of her dress while sitting

“About what?”

“About being a mom now?”

“Yeah.”

“Good. That’s good for you.” Lindsey smiled. Maureen came back down with a girl in each arm, carefully handing her twins off to Lindsey as she avoided getting spit up on her outfit. “Oh my god, they’re so cute. They have the chubbiest cheeks I’ve ever seen!”

“I’m sure they’ll behave well for their Aunt Lindsey.” Maureen fawned over her girls one more time before taking Petra’s hand and pulling her towards the door. Petra broke her grasp and ran back to give the girls forehead kisses before walking back to her partner

“We’ll see you… later?”

“See you later. Say bye mom, bye mama.”

“They’re not really in that developmental phase yet…” Strahm started to explain

“Bye!” Maureen pulled her out the door before she could continue babbling on. She practically threw Petra into the car and ran her hand over the gear shift, “So. Where am I taking you?”

“Anywhere’s fine with me.” Petra ran her hand over Maureen’s before bringing it up to her lips, staring into her partner’s eyes. Maureen put the car in reverse and gunned it out of the driveway before Lindsey had time to change her mind.

[hoffstrap-yuri]

A Sweet Surprise

ao3 // masterlist

*Summary: Lindsey excitedly told her partner, Petra, about a new bakery. They go to investigate. Simple as that.

*Rating: E for Everyone

*Content/Tags: Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Romantic Fluff, Romantic Comedy, Domestic Fluff, Family Fluff, Genderbending, Gender or Sex Swap, Female Hoffstrahm, Female Coffinshipping, Fem Hoffman (Maureen Hoffman), Fem Strahm (Petra Strahm), WLW Hoffstrahm, WLW Coffinshipping

*Status: Oneshot/Complete

Author's Note: For a lovely anon who asked for Fem!Hoffstrahm in a rom-com scenario. I was waffling back and forth about what kind of au I wanted for them, before ultimately deciding on a bakery au. Also needed a happy au where Angie lives because... why not? Hope you enjoy! Also posting this because Saw XI got pushed back another year, so let's just pretend that that didn't happen and have happy fun times here!

“C’mon, we gotta try it.” Perez rested her head on the tips of her fingers as she pleaded with her co-worker, Petra, to go with her to a bakery.

“Do we have to?” The other woman pushed back her bangs

“It’s new… newish. Okay, new to me, but new nonetheless.” Perez explained, “It just looks so good from the tart that I saw on Rodger’s desk that I asked her where she got it from and she told me about this place. A patisserie. Outside of Manhattan. I’m sure there’s decent parking.”

“Well you know me,” Strahm huffed, “I hate parking in Manhattan.”

“Exactly.” Perez threw her hands in front of her, “Which is why we should go check this place out.”

“Alright fine. What are their hours?”

“I’d have to ask Rodgers. Or we could do a drive by this afternoon.”

“Okay, fine.”

“Fine what?”

“Fine let’s go do a drive by.”

“You’re the best.” Perez flashed her co-worker with a pair of finger guns. Petra looked at her younger co-worker with a mild disdain before cracking a smile. After all, she was one of Petra’s best friends. After about a half an hour of actual work Petra pushed her work off to the side and reached behind her for her coat.

“C’mon, it’s been a day.” She motioned towards the office door. Lindsey dropped what she was working on and followed behind the senior agent, getting into Petra’s car. Sure it was Petra’s car, but when Lindsey was in it, it was her car. The music changed from a ‘classic rock’ channel to a more contemporary pop station. Lindsey liked to keep the windows in the car cracked open when the weather allowed, much to Strahm’s seasonal allergy’s dismay. “You know where this place is?”

“Yeah.” Perez replied, lifting her feet up onto the dash for a second, before getting a disapproving look from her partner. She put her feet back down and offered the address to Petra, who started the car. “So…”

“So what Linds?”

“How did the date go last weekend?”

“Didn’t sleep over, if that’s what you’re asking. You should know better than anyone a woman doesn’t kiss and tell.”

“She was pretty.” Lindsay shrugged, “How long had you been trying to set up a date with her?”

“Couple of weeks. She was too bubbly. Like I was dating an older you.” Strahm shrugged, getting an eye-roll from Lindsey. “What, what, what are you looking at me like that for?”

“Nothing.” Lindsay laughed as her coworker pulled up to a parking spot next to the bakery. It was street parking, which Strahm wasn’t a fan of but at least it was better than trying to find parking in the village. The outside of the business had an almost a sickly amount of pink in the branding. Strahm wanted to gag. Lindsay first stepped into the business cautiously, taking a look at the pastry display cases. When Strahm entered, she heard the bell ring over her head. Her eyes grew wide at the rows and rows of pastries, cakes, and even some chocolate at the end by the register. It looked like something Petra had seen when she studied abroad.

“Hi!” A little girl stood on the other side of the counter with a bright smile. She couldn’t have been more than ten the way her two front teeth were missing as she smiled at the potential customers.

“Hi.” Perez smiled back at her. It was quiet for a second before Lindsey asked her, “What’s your favorite thing here?”

“Hmm…” The girl thought for a moment before walking over to the pastry case closest to the two agents. “This one. It has a fancy name, but it’s really just a chocolate cake.”

“Oh that does look good.” Perez squatted in front of the display case, watching where she pointed, “I’ll definitely think I’ll be getting one of those.”

“Okay. Anything else?” She looked up with the cutest eyes that made Petra want to buy everything in the store.

“Marissa!” A woman’s voice called from the back before shuffling up to the counter, placing her hands on the child’s shoulders. “Sweetie, why don’t you get back to your homework, mama can help the customers. Okay?”

“Okay.” The girl shrugged her mom’s hands off of her and walked to the back sullenly

“Sorry about her.” The woman tucked her hair behind her ears, “I was trying to wrangle my other kids in the back… she must’ve heard the bell before I did.”

“Oh it’s fine.” Petra accepted the other woman’s apology. The mother smiled softly at her with a ‘thanks for understanding’ in her look.

“Anyway, was there anything I can get for you right away? Anything you need explanations on? Allergy information? Unfortunately I can’t lie and say nothing in here has zero calories.” She laughed at her own joke. Petra tucked her hair behind an ear too as she did everything in her power to not also laugh at the awful mom joke. Lindsey stood behind her and gave her a look before stepping up the counter to start ordering,

“Can I get one slice of the gateau au chocolat?” She asked politely, pointing at the glass

“Oh definitely, that’s my daughter’s favorite.” The woman smiled and started folding together a box to put the cake in. A taller, bigger woman stepped out from the back, holding the other woman’s daughter in her arms and pressed a kiss onto her cheek. The little girl giggled and hugged the woman’s neck. “Maureen. I just told her to get back to her homework.”

“It’s fine, she’ll get back to it in a minute.” The woman, Maureen, hummed. Strahm bit her lip as she stared at the other woman. She looked… stunning with her neat white uniform. The other woman’s eyes caught Petra’s gaze and she returned the smile with a quick wink. Petra broke the contact between the two of them and ran her hands over her head to pull her hair back. “Can I help you with something?”

“Huh?” Strahm looked up at her. After putting the girl down, Maureen leaned onto the glass, putting her weight onto her elbow as she looked at her customer.

“Mara. I’ve got this. Don’t you have dishes to do?”

“They can soak for another minute.”

“Forgive my sister.” The shorter woman sighed, “She’s the owner of this place, and I’m just her lowly assistant.”

“You’re more than that, Angie.” Maureen frowned, “You’re my business partner.”

“Anyway… I’ve got this at least I’ve got one of their orders.”

“Then I can help our other customer. You need help, just let me know.”

“Got it. I can wait until your sister’s free with my partner.”

“Partner?” Maureen raised an eyebrow

“Oh don’t worry, she’s not a cradle-robber.” Perez interjected. Strahm shot her a look in between wanting to die on the spot, “We just work together.”

“Okay.” Maureen laughed a little bit. She rested her head on her fist as Perez kept browsing through the display case. Strahm shoved her hands inside the tiny pocket of her pants suit outfit and balled the fabric up in between her fists. A timer went off from the back and the large woman removed herself from the counter, walking off to go grab whatever was in the oven. Strahm tried everything in her power to not look at the white shirt as it clung to the woman’s back. Strahm let air escape from her barely opened mouth as the woman entered the kitchen. Both Perez and Angie looked at each other for a second before getting back to the transaction at hand. Angie rung Perez up before approaching Strahm.

“Anything I can get for you?”

“Um… what’s your favorite here?” Strahm asked, easing the tension in her fingers

“Oh,” Angie smiled and placed her forefinger on her chin. “Well I mean you can’t go wrong with the opera cake. That’s probably Maureen’s favorite if you asked her. Though she does make a really good macaron. Actually her rosewater ones are a new seasonal option she’s trying this year… so I’d definitely go with those.”

“Okay… one… no,” Strahm hesitated, “What size boxes do you have?”

“Six and twelve.” Angie replied with a smile

“And what other flavors?”

“So this one here’s going to be a chocolate-hazelnut… and this blue one is going to be a cotton candy, whereas this green one’s pistachio…”

“Just one of everything is fine. Except, I’ll take an extra pistachio instead of the cotton candy one. Please.”

“Got you.”

“And… one of those opera cake slices.”

“Sure thing…” She built another box for the slice, “Anything else?” Strahm stumbled for a minute before the baker stepped back out of her kitchen. Strahm looked past her sister and at the woman as she took the white shirt off, tossing it into the linen bag resting next to the door leading to the alleyway. Petra’s nose nearly started bleeding as she saw the way her arms were built. Thick with a soft layer of fat over it, but still definitely enough muscle to probably lift Strahm over her shoulder like she was a purse. Did she know she had a captive audience as she flexed her back muscles and worked the tension from the day out of her shoulders? She felt fingers hit the side of her arm as she was snapped back to attention.

“Um that’s it for today.” Strahm replied, not daring to make eye contact with Angie after ogling her sister the way she had been

“Great, I’ll get you rung up then.” Angie smiled and punched the buttons a couple of times before coming up with a total. Strahm handed her her credit card and Angie was more than happy to run it. Maureen started undoing her braid and letting the soft brown hair fall onto her shoulder.

“Throw in a cookie for both of them.” Maureen said, tucking a hand into her slack pocket, “I’ve got fresh chocolate chips cooling in the kitchen. So long as the kids didn’t steal them already.”

“Thanks.” Perez smiled at the owner

“You’re welcome. Hope to see you two again soon.” She smiled back at the agents before ducking out and running upstairs

“Cute place.” Strahm mumbled under her breath

“Yeah. It’s always been Maureen’s dream.” Angelina smiled, “She went to culinary school and decided to come home and set this place up, and I was recovering from the twins… not a lot of places would’ve hired me.”

“That’s nice of her.” Perez nodded along with Angie. “We’ll definitely be back soon.”

“Thank you, that’s the best thing we can ask for. Give me a second and I’ll get you those cookies.” Angie started walking back into the kitchen. Lindsey laughed at Strahm as her co-worker started batting her arm with the palm of her hands.

“You like her!” Lindsey laughed, drawing out the word ‘like’

“I do not.”

“Girl, even her sister saw you eyeing her up.”

“Just shut up, she can probably hear us in the kitchen!” She wanted so badly to tack on a ‘dumb-ass’ at the end of her statement, but was worried about Angie hearing the two of them fight.

“Fine, fine.” Lindsey rocked back and forth on her tip toes, enjoying mildly embarrassing her co-worker. Angie returned with two cookies in sleeves that she stowed into Strahm’s bag before handing it off to the customer

“See you again soon!” She waved as the two left the bakery and Strahm ducked quickly back into her car, taking off once Perez was in her seat.

---

“Did you have to do that?” Angie threw a magazine at her sister’s head. Maureen blocked it with her hands and threw a pillow back at her sister in revenge

“She’s so pretty, Angie…” She stared down as Strahm’s car pulled away from the parking stall. She bit down on her lip and flopped onto the couch before taking the other couch pillow and screaming into it. Angie offered a quick pat on Maureen’s shoulder in support. “Like so pretty…”

“I know.” She sighed, “She was looking you up pretty hard too.”

“No she was definitely looking at my pastries.”

“No, I know she wasn’t.” Angie rolled her eyes at her over-dramatic sister. She sat down next to Maureen and hugged her. Maureen freed herself from the grips of the pillow and gave her sister a proper hug. “Listen, her and her co-worker said they’d come back. Why don’t you make a move next time they come?”

“And what if she said no?”

“I’ll give her the ugliest looking macaron.” Angie said with all sincerity

“You’re the best baby sister.”

“I know I am.”

“So how do you think I should go about it?”

“Just… ask her if she wants to come upstairs and watch a movie with you.”

“Or we could go out for dinner.”

“Or you could go out for dinner.” Angie repeated, “You’ve got this.”

“I’ve got this.” Maureen repeated before groaning and hiding under her pillow once more, “I don’t got this.”

---

The bell rang and Maureen’s new favorite customer walked in. She leaned against the counter for a moment before being greeted once more by the little girl.

“Hi Miss.” She smiled at Strahm

“Hi.” Strahm smiled back at her, “Is your aunt here?”

“She’s doing some cleaning. Told me to stay out of her kitchen.”

“It’s probably pretty dangerous back there. I’m sure she’s just worried about you.”

“Yeah.” She kicked at the floor as she looked down at her feet. Her mom came out a couple of moments later and picked up her daughter,

“Hi Petra.” Angelina greeted her, “How have you and Lindsey been?”

“Doing good. We’ve been up to our ears in paperwork though, so I thought I’d get her a treat.”

“Well thanks for coming here. Is there anything in particular you want for her?”

“Yeah one of those strawberry tart things look good.”

“Absolutely.” Angie smiled before her sister stepped out from the kitchen. When Maureen saw Strahm she tried to shuffle back into the kitchen, only for her sister get a hold of her baker’s shirt and pull her over to interact with Petra. Petra started nervously tucking her hair behind her ears as Hoffman popped the button on her shirt before threading it back through the hole. This continued for awhile while Angie helped Strahm. The boys, who Petra had learned were named Will and Lucas, came barreling out of the back. Maureen pulled one boy away while Angie got the other, it seemed like this was a normal occurrence in Maureen’s bakery. Strahm hid a smile as Maureen gently scolded her nephew before turning him around and letting him run into the office area. Meanwhile, her sister held onto her son by the collar of his shirt. After getting a promise from her son that he’d behave this time, she let him free before returning to help Petra.

“Sorry about them.” Maureen apologized, leaning next to her sister as Angie punched in the codes

“No, it’s fine. They’re cute.”

“Thanks. You want to try babysitting them sometime?” Angie offered

“No, I’m not that good with kids, but I’m sure Lindsey would like to… not that I’m offering for her.” Strahm backtracked a little. Maureen looked at her with a grin and she darted her eyes away from the object of her affection. Affection? Was that the right word for the little relationship between customer and owner? It didn’t really matter, Strahm shoved her credit card towards Angie and started to walk out. Angie pushed her hefty sister towards Strahm before turning around and stepping into the office.

“Maureen?” Petra paused

“Um… you can say no if you want, because let’s be honest you don’t really know me…”

“Oh.”

“No that’s not what I want you to get from this,” Maureen scrunched her fists up as she stumbled over the words to say, “I… want to ask you out on a date.”

“Me?” Strahm started choking on the air she inhaled. After regaining her composure, “Um. Yeah, sure. When would you want to go out?”

“Um… you want to go up to my place now?”

“Yeah, let me just… Do you have parking in the back so I don’t get towed?”

“Yeah, just next to the crown royal in the back should be fine.” Hoffman bit her lip as Strahm walked out to her car and brought her car around back. She was afraid for a second that Strahm was going to leave her at the bakery and never come back… but then she heard a knock on the back door. She ran across the bakery floor and opened the door for Petra before tossing her uniform into the laundry bag and guiding the other woman up the stairs and to her apartment. She cracked the door open slightly and threw herself onto her couch. She sprawled herself across the furniture, noticing that Petra didn’t sit down on her own

“Sit wherever you’d like.”

“You mind if sit next to you?”

“Oh. Yeah.” Maureen scooped herself up and opened a space next to her, patting the now open area. Petra sat next to her and crossed her leg. “Want anything for dinner? It’s not just the culinary school, I’m a pretty good cook.”

“I’m fine…” Petra started, “But thank you.”

“Okay. We could also get take-out, if that fits you more.”

“We can think about it later.”

“Later?” Maureen laughed, “Just how long are you going to stay?”

“As long as I feel like it… at least for tonight.” Petra started, before promptly shoving her foot in her mouth. She didn’t want to presume how long she was allowed to be there

“And if I told you…” Maureen swept a piece of Petra’s hair off her shoulder, “If I told you I don’t want you to leave anytime soon?”

“I…” Strahm began to stutter. Rather than say another word, she hooked her leg around Hoffman’s lap and pulled at the undershirt. Maureen paused for a moment before Petra’s lips met with hers and she put one of her big calloused hands on the small of Strahm’s back. “I’d like that.”

“You want to stay forever? You might become Marissa’s favorite aunt.”

“Shut up.” She kissed Hoffman once more. Hoffman pulled her closer and held her flush against her body. Strahm’s hair dangled in Maureen’s face while they sucked face for a moment

“You’re so pretty.” Maureen’s hand reached up for Petra’s cheek and run the back of her thumb over it

“I’ve been staring at you since I saw you the first time I came to the bakery.”

“I’ve been staring back at you.” Hoffman smirked, “I’d get so happy every time you came in…”

“Shut up.” Petra kissed her again

“You seem to like telling me to shut up a lot. Even more so when I say something sappy.” Maureen’s hands rested on Petra’s hips

“I… Yeah, maybe I do.”

“Don’t worry, I like it.” Maureen leaned into Strahm’s space and pressed her lips onto Petra’s cheek, “I could stare at you all night like this.”

“It’d be a waste of you time.” Strahm bickered for bicker’s sake

“And I’d happily waste those seconds, minutes, hours or days for you.” Maureen replied lazily, her thumbs rubbing circles around Petra’s hips. Petra purred softly as she hooked her arms around Maureen’s neck

“Sh…”

“Got you, Agent.” Maureen’s smirk grew, “Now seriously, what do you want for dinner?”

“Chinese is fine.” Strahm replied, hiding her blush behind her bangs. She got off Hoffman’s lap and let the other woman get up. Maureen strolled across the room and grabbed the landline before punching in a number.

“Anything special?” She asked

“Whatever you wants fine. I’m not picky.” Strahm replied, stretching out a little on the couch

“You’ve got it.”

[hoffstrap-yuri]

Tumblr hates my sapphic shit I want to post here so hit up my ao3 if you want the goods (fem!hoffstrahm fic I just uploaded)

[hoffstrap-yuri]

Lost In Time, Like Tears In Rain

ao3 // masterlist

*Summary: Indistinguishable. Her dirt brown hair looked like every other head in this sector. She turned a corner when it felt like an eye was on her back, seeing if the feeling follow. She only let her chest decompress when the nagging feeling of someone watching had gone. --- “You are flipping through a magazine. You suddenly come across a full page nude photo of a girl…” “Miss Strahm, is this question to test whether I am a Replicant, or a lesbian?” She almost laughed

*Rating: +18 for explicit mature content

*Content/Tags: Angst, Seriously a lot of Angst, Angst and Porn, Action and Romance, Alternate Universe: Blade Runner 1982, Gender Changes, Gender or Sex Swap, Smut, Lesbian Sex, Fem Hoffstrahm, Fem Coffinshipping, Yuri Coffinshipping, Yuri Hoffstrahm, WLW Coffinshipping, WLW Hoffstrahm, Petra Strahm (Fem Peter Strahm), Maureen Hoffman (Fem Mark Hoffman), Lindsey Perez, John Kramer, Dan Erickson, Amanda Young, Lynn Denlon

*Status: Chapter 2/3. Chapter 1 can be found here. Chapter 3 can be found here.

Petra filled Maureen where she was up until that point, omitting the lose of her partner from the story. She slid into a spinner that Maureen had said was for the two of them to use while they were searching for Lynn and Amanda.

“I don’t mean this to be an insult to your intelligence, so please don’t take it that way. But have you tried retracing Perez’s steps?”

“No. I only got briefed this morning.”

“Why don’t we try the hospital and see if we can find anything there.”

“Not a bad idea.”

“Angel of mercy, was it?”

“Yes.”

“I can drive us there.” Her fingers curled around the steering wheel, turning the spinner on. Petra watched as she brought the vehicle into the air and charted towards the hospital. The ride was seamless. Perfect. Surely there must be some kind of crack in the other woman’s perfect facade that John created. Rather than sit in the stuffy silence, Maureen did take her hand from the wheel for a second to turn the radio on. Petra hadn’t listened to the radio in months. For the most part she was taking cabs when she had to leave her apartment or sometimes the train if she had to go somewhere exceedingly far. The song was soft, almost breathy. She didn’t know what was popular anymore, but this was definitely different from the music even five years ago that felt the incessant need to scream at every turn. Against the rain, this music made Petra want to sleep. It’d been a while since she’d have a proper night’s sleep how long, she really couldn’t remember. “You can change it.” Maureen’s voice barely resonated over the soft slow music. Petra looked at her for a second before registering what she’d said.

“It’s fine.” Petra tried to rub the sleep out of her eyes that was quickly collecting.

“You look tired.” Maureen looked at her for a second, before turning back to the airway before her.

“Nothing you can do about it.” Petra let out a sigh

“Alright.” She said before keeping her mouth shut for the remainder of the ride. Petra flashed her ID card and the two women were escorted into the hospital and into a boss’s office.

“I can assure you both… we’d never knowingly hire Replicants. Not when there’s so many qualified humans…” The boss whimpered as he felt Petra’s icy gaze fall onto him

“Relax. This isn’t a labor ethics issue. Just give us the information you have on Lynn Denlon.”

“Lynn Denlon…” He combed through his computer before printing out a copy of the info that had been scanned into the system. He also sifted through the file cabinet behind him while Petra thumbed through the report. The two reached out for the file folder he placed in front of them, their hands brushing up against each other. All Petra could think about is how soft Maureen’s hand felt against her beat up wrinkled bearing appendage as they pulled away from the other.

“You first. This is your case.” Maureen backed off, tucking her hand back underneath her other in her lap.

“Thanks…” Petra dragged the folder across the desk and opened it. Bingo. An address. It had to have been an obvious fake. Surely a doctor of her level wouldn’t be trusting enough to give an actual address, but maybe it could give them a trail. “Thank you for your time.”

“You’re welcome. Feel free to return if you have any issues.” The administrator more than eagerly pushed the two out from his office, probably fearing what other violations they would find if they stayed any longer.

“Should we go?” Petra tilted her head back towards the spinner. After a moment of silence between the two Petra answered for the two of them, “No. You were right, I can’t keep chasing a lead while I’m tired.” She checked her wrist watch. Nearly nine. It was time to turn in for the night. Maureen nodded and started walking back to the spinner. Something about her rigid movement still unnerved Petra but she wasn’t about to say anything.

“Where do you live?” Maureen asked as they reached the car

“It’ll just be faster if I drive.” Petra slid the keys out from Maureen’s open palm and into her hand. She slipped into the driver’s seat and turned the vehicle on. It ran smoother than a NYPD issue car and it showed as the vehicle jerked to a stop when Petra’s foot tapped on the brake. Maureen’s fingers reached out for the glove box as she was jostled by the loss of motion. Petra apologized with a quick, “Sorry” and drove off to her apartment. She pulled into the spot meant for her apartment that she never used and handed the keys back to Maureen before fishing her keys out from her pocket. She opened the door to her apartment and let Maureen walk in first. “Sorry about this… wasn’t expecting guests.”

“It’s alright.” Maureen said, pushing a coat off the otherwise unused couch to make space for herself to sit

“You want dinner?”

“What do you have?”

“Uh… I have some noodles if we’re lucky.”

“Alright.”

“Okay.” Petra let out a deep breath as she pilfered through her cabinets. She was not the cooking type. Luckily, she found two cups of instant ramen. It wasn’t the most filling, but it was better than nothing. She opened one and threw it onto the stove top that would take care of it for her. “Are you okay with spice?”

“Spice?”

“Spicy food?”

“Oh. Yes.” Maureen sat straight as an arrow on the couch, her eyes looking forward. Her hand reached for the TV remote before hovering over it.

“Go ahead.” Petra said to her. She took the remote and turned the TV before flipping through the rampant bombardment of ads. She stopped scanning the stations when an old TV show came across the screen. Her lip curled at one end as she watched it.

“This was one of John’s favorites… when he was a child. He showed this to me.”

“He did?”

“Yes.” She smiled as she looked down at her legs. Strahm brought the soup over to her and looked at the teeth that slipped through her open lips. They were a soft white, not pearlescent but probably still cleaner than Petra’s. She took the cup from Petra’s hand and quietly thanked her. Petra nodded and walked back over to the kitchen to fix up her noodles. She sat next to Maureen on the couch before taking the remote and changing the channel.

“Oh… you probably want a fork to eat that, huh?” Petra looked at the coffee table as she realized Maureen hadn’t eaten yet. She scrambled to get onto her feet and back over to the kitchen before pulling out a pair of chopsticks and her one good fork. She came back to Maureen and handed her the fork before digging into her cup of noodles. “Sorry it’s not much…”

“It’s alright, Miss Str…”

“Petra. You can just call me Petra. It’ll be easier than Miss Strahm every time.”

“Alright… Really, this is fine, Petra.” Maureen eased herself into the couch after putting the cup down. She slowly undid the top two buttons on her shirt as she let out a tired sigh. Petra got up and ran to her bedroom, grabbing her extra pillow and a blanket from the closet. She brought it back out and presented it to Maureen.

“Here, for when you want to go to bed.”

“Thank you.” Maureen took the items from her and adjusted herself so that she could rest her head on the pillow. She curled up in the couch, careful to not take up too much space so that Strahm could sit down if she liked. Petra finished her ramen standing beside the furniture before saying a quick “Good night” and scuttling off to her bedroom for the night. She laid on the bed and stared up at the ceiling as sweat collected against her neck. There was something about Maureen that made her heart stop beating when she looked at her. Sure there’d been other replicant sex workers who caught more than a passing glance from Petra, but no one captured her attention the way that Maureen did. Every bit of her was seeped in perfection, handcrafted by a would be god in the modern sense. Petra covered her head with her blanket and stifled a scream as she rolled over onto her side and tried to get some sleep. Just as it came every night, sleep did not come easy for her. She woke up dissatisfied with the rest that she was able to get but pulled her body out of the bed nonetheless. She got into the shower and switched into clean clothes. She looked into her living room and saw Maureen sitting on the couch, trying to fix her hair.

“Good morning.” Petra greeted her

“Good morning.” She looked over her shoulder before adjusting the bun. It was more messy but it still looked right on her. There hung a silence between the two of them before Petra grabbed her coat and slung it over her shoulders.

“Come on, we need to look for Lynn.”

“Okay.” She stood up and followed Petra to their spinner. Strahm pulled the address from her pocket once more and handed it to Maureen to drive them. They pulled up to the abandoned building and Petra looked across the mess. Every window in the front was boarded up, the entryway bolted shut to prevent trespassers but she knew there’d be entrances on the back side.

“Stay here.”

“But you could get hur…”

“Stay. Here.” Petra repeated herself before pressing herself against the bricks of the building. She pulled her gun out from its holster as she paced around the corner, afraid of what might be waiting on the other side. She continued along the short side of the building when it was clear there was no points of entry from that angle. She slid along to the back and found a board that was loose. She ripped the rotting wood away from the window and slipped into the building. Light. She held her breath as she walked around the hallway. No one was in the building but her. She knew this. She would’ve heard the sound of breathing or the scared silence if there was anyone else with her. She saw a unit that looked like it had been previously used within the past couple of days and stepped into it. Rubble mostly, but pieces had been moved to make a make shift bed. If there had been cloth, it would’ve been enough for two people. Surely one of the two Replicants knew their chances for survival would be greater if they split up? Did it matter to them, Petra wondered. The room was clean. Scrubbed of any signs of existence besides the bed and a piece of paper sticking out from underneath the rocks. She tugged on it and pulled it from the rocks. A small girl, smiling at the camera. She was innocent, whoever she was. Petra tucked the picture into her coat pocket and kept rummaging through the rubble. If she could find even one sign she was on the right path, this whole trip would have been worth it. Her hand brushed up against a piece of paper. She pulled it out and looked. A business card. It was torn a bit in the corner, but the address was still legible. She did her best to quietly slip back out from the building and get back to Maureen. Maureen had taken to leaning against the spinner and was taking a drag from her cigarette. She saw Petra approaching and extinguished the rest. “Could’ve finished in the car.”

“That would’ve been rude.” Maureen shrugged. It was gone anyway. Nothing Petra could do to change that now. “Did you find anything?”

“Yeah.” She pulled the card from her pocket and handed it to Maureen. “I can drive.”

“Okay.” Maureen slipped into the vehicle. Petra was the first to step out of the spinner when they got to the bar. Typical red-light district bar, probably a strip tease on the inside. Petra pulled out her badge and after assuring the guard that she wasn’t vice and that Maureen was her partner, they walked in. Immediately, Petra went to the bar and leaned up against the counter while taking in the debauchery. She ordered a rail whiskey on the rocks and took a sip from the glass as her eyes looked over the crowd. Plenty of men throwing away money like their lives were going to be over tomorrow and women barely dressed taking advantage of the free flowing booze and cash. Maureen adopted a similar stance against the bar as she watched where Petra’s eyes seemed to stop.

“You’re looking at a woman.” Maureen couldn’t help but hide a smile behind the back of her hand

“I’m looking for Lynn. Or Amanda even…”

“You know what they look like?”

“I know Lynn, any ways.” She looked down at the ball of ice in the center of her glass before taking another long sip of the liquor. The bartender gave her a look as Maureen tapped her finger tips against the bar before Petra asked, “Do you want something?”

“Huh?”

“A drink?”

“Oh. I don’t know… I’ll have whatever you’re drinking.” She said, before the bartender brought another glass over to the two of them. Maureen brought the drink up to her lips before starting to cough.

“You okay?” Petra asked

“It burns… my nose.”

“It’ll burn going down too. Be careful.” Petra replied before Maureen took a sip. She let the liquor sit on her tongue for too long before deciding whether she should spit it back up into her glass or finish it. She slid the glass towards Petra before Petra ordered something that she thought Maureen would enjoy more. She tentatively brought the new glass up to her nose before taking a swig from it. Petra reached out to correct her, but it didn’t really matter to her that Maureen was drinking the wine like it was a shot. She finished Maureen’s whiskey for her and ordered one more, feeling like she could safely continue observing after three drinks. Maureen’s hand brushed up against hers as she looked down at the floor. She leaned in and whispered into Petra’s ear.

“Someone’s watching us.”

“What does she look like?” Petra whispered back

“Turn around discreetly and I’m sure you’ll see her. She’s waiting to see if we’re safe to approach.” Her fingers weaved in between Petra’s and rested her cheek against the other woman’s. The woman approached the two of them as Maureen faked a giggle against the warm cheek and the two of them looked at her. She was stunning as well.

“Mind if I join you two?” She asked. Her hand skirted along the outside of Petra’s thigh as she asked. The former cop could only let out a muffled ‘mhm’ as the woman wrapped her arms around the two. “You’re cute.”

“Thank you.” Maureen’s eyes looked longingly at Petra

“How long have you known each other?” She tilted her head towards Petra, expecting an answer from her this time. Her black hair sat carefully at the base of her neck.

“A couple of years.” Petra lied between her teeth. She knew that this woman between her and Maureen was Lynn. Her eyes all but confirmed it, but she seemed honed into the curves of Petra’s lips.

“Married?”

“In all but name.” Maureen leaned in and pressed her lips against Petra’s.

“How nice.” She smiled at the two of them, “Think there’s enough room for a third tonight?”

“I think we can make some. Can’t we?” Maureen ran her thumb over Petra’s lips

“Yeah.” Petra’s lips curled around the digit before turning the contact into a full blown kiss. Maureen pulled her finger away, convinced they had done more than enough to convince Lynn that they were a couple.

“Buy me a drink?” She looked at Petra

“Sure.” She ordered a shot for Lynn. She downed it like it was nothing and pawed at Petra’s side, pressing her lips onto Petra’s cheek. Petra wrapped an arm around Lynn’s back and ordered another for her. Maureen bit the inside of her cheek as she watched Lynn get more touchy-feely with the replicant killer.

“You two could come to the dressing room.” Lynn’s lips lingering close to Petra

“I would love that.” Maureen’s finger tips trailed along Lynn’s arm before resting on the back of her shoulders

“Follow me, ladies.” She smiled at the two of them and guided them through the sea of bodies and back to the room. Maureen was careful to let Petra lead the two of them to the room, but still within arms reach from her. She opened the door, pulled the ridiculous shawl she had draped over her shoulders off, and sat down. She kept her legs open between the two of them as they sat across from her.

“Come here.” Her teeth sat on the edge of her bottom lip as she looked over at the two. “I don’t bite. Unless you want me to.”

Maureen was the first of the two to move over to the other couch. Her hand slid underneath the hem of Lynn’s dress and in between her thighs. Petra hesitated as Lynn’s eyes fluttered shut for a second before the two of them glared directly at her. The amber tint of their eyes reflecting back at Petra. Petra came closer and sat on the other side of Lynn. Lynn leaned in to kiss Petra before stopping and saying.

“Amanda said Maureen was beautiful. But just who are you?” She pulled a knife from under the couch cushion while Maureen was playing into the bit and shoved the blade into Petra’s center. Petra let out a gasp as Maureen sat still, Lynn dashing out of the dressing room in a hurry.

“Petra…” Maureen leaned in

“Don’t worry about me.” Petra coughed up, taking a deep breath as blood slowly started to seep into her shirt “Get her.” She frisked herself and handed her gun off to Maureen. Maureen wanted to argue but started running. She bobbed around the dancers as they came filtering in and out of rooms and into a back alley way. Lynn was already so far ahead of her and she couldn’t make a straight shot towards the crowded street she was turning onto. With every nerve in her body pushing her forward, Maureen sought to close the gap between the two of them. She worried about Petra. Would anyone find her before she lost all her blood? Was it bad enough she might die? She slammed into a civilian who started to cuss her out which made her snap back into focus. She saw a spinner land up ahead and kept pushing herself to get there faster. On the other side of the vehicle was her… Amanda.

“Amanda!” Maureen screamed, closing the distance between them

“Kill me.”

“It doesn’t have to be like this. If you just say you’re sorry, I’m sure that John…”

“You don’t understand. You will never understand. So do it. Retire me and Lynn. Appease John and go back to being his second favorite lap dog. You’ll never be Laura. If you had any kind of spine, I’d already be dead. Wouldn’t I?” Maureen knew she was desperate. Throwing out anything to hurt her and seeing what would stick.

“Don’t say that.” Maureen got into a stance, cocking the gun. Amanda cocked her own gun in return and they stood quietly for a second before Maureen felt the gun start to slip from her hand. Her grasp was firmed by another’s hands wrapping around hers and her fingers being used to pull the trigger. Lynn made a desperate gasping noise as the bullet flew between her collarbones and straight through her neck. Amanda’s eyes bulged as her hand rushed to cover the spot and stop the bleeding from the other replicant. Strahm wrestled the gun from Maureen’s fingers and got the pistol ready to fire another shot, approaching the car without a second thought. She heard the broken whispers of Lynn’s name coming from Amanda’s lips before the woman peeled one hand away to take aim wildly back at anyone that tried approaching the vehicle. She turned the vehicle on with her non-dominant hand and sped out of there, nearly missing some people on her way to get away. Petra clutched the gaping wound in her side as she looked down at the street. Maureen stayed frozen in her pose as she realized what she had done. She fell to her knees and started to cry as though her hands were stained with blood. Petra wanted to yell at her. Scream at her for letting Amanda get away when they had the chance to end it all right here, but she couldn’t. She got down onto her knees and rested her hands on Maureen’s shoulders as the other woman wailed. She took Petra’s hands off from her for a second for her to stumble to her feet and walk not even two steps away before letting the pain in the pit of her stomach rise back up and out her mouth. She wrapped her arms around her stomach after she was finished and practically fell into Petra’s open arm. Petra winced a bit as the force of Maureen’s body caused her tear to release another round of blood but she quietly whispered into Maureen’s hair.

“I got you… I got you…”