#felt like i was in the heart of darkness
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thinking about the time i had to beat a raccoon to death with a shovel
#felt like i was in the heart of darkness#unbearable heat and swarms of flies I was searching for a man(raccoon) Ive only heard of but never seen
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oh thank god
#art from a while back#i played hk first and deepnest was like. the most uncomfortable ive ever been playing the game#mainly because its just so DARK#as for rw... when i got to shaded...... what the actual Hell#i eventually got used to just dying in the dark and exploring the first parts of the region but like. Why is it pitch black#i didnt even realize there was a path to the scav merchant at the first room..... i got to memory crypts before finding it in my next run#hollow knight#rain world#hk ghost#rw slugcat#rw survivor#artatat#?!?@?@?@?@ the alt text got removed for a sec Sorry about that im not sure why or how that happened#also im completely aware deepnest without a lantern is much darker but atleast it isnt pitch black. You know#i also wanna add on the fact i entered deepnest after the mantis lords and thought. “what kind of winning gift is this!?!?!?”#and felt like cornifer for the first couple of minutes LOL#but i had nowhere to go so womp womp :P#to clarify: i dont hate shaded its actually my top route to go from industrial to shoreline#but i hate deepnest with all my heart❤️ godbless#reading the rbs here is so fun.... so true guys#digital art
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Kingdom Hearts 3 - Rage Form
#kingdom hearts 3#kh3#sora#rage form#arendelle#formchange#my gif#rage form is so intriguing#sora still behaves in a wild animalistic fashion similar to his anti form but it's different#anti form felt as if he relinquished all self control and acted strictly on instinct just like a heartless#he used to run around hunched over on all fours and fight tooth and claw with reckless abandon#but here you can at least see SOME semblance of who he is. he's able to wield his keyblade while in this form which is pretty major#he still fights in an absolutely chaotic and primal manner but it feels evolved#the big difference is you call upon rage form at will. he channels his rage and darkness in a desperate last resort to stay alive#which is very significant but he still loses some control like the ability to use of magic; items; shotlocks; etc#it's cool to see darkness used in this way but i really want sora to able to explore themes of darkness within himself in future games#i want these to be more than cool forms with fun gameplay. i want them to have implications that something dark is brewing and needs to be-#brought to the surface and tackled head on because we've never seen anyone capable of cloaking themselves in darkness in such a way#take riku's dark form for example. he's in control and he's very much still himself. it's entirely different#on another note i'm now thinking about how hp is fully restored when activating rage form but you have the choice to give it up again-#when using risk charge. it'll increase attack damage but you're still walking a dangerous line in the pursuit of power
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ive seen so many people draw that first meme w the kfc gang and i Love it i just thought it was funny with my aus/theories strange someone frisk and knight chara being Damn Nuisances for kris and being. older than them
and also thinking abt my headcanons for how frisk was able to become possessed and how that might mean for kris (their dialogue is based on this art of mine here) consider this perhaps a post-game were ssfrisk is No Longer attempting to take the SOUL back and kris and the SOUL are. amicable.
also narrator chara and ssfrisk are both From the undertale timeline but chara being dead they didn’t age. knight chara is deltarune’s chara. just to catch everyone up one Just The Hell I’m talking about
#also tweaked my damb ssfrisk design Again. sorry#i felt like their dark world fit having 2 delta runes looked too cluttered#so they have an. empty heart. :)#death mention#suicide implied#the art gallery#deltarune#strange someone frisk#knight chara#both of these things I could’ve and probably would’ve made more sense if I drew them in the light world but Whatever
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Diabolik Lovers More, Blood Vol.3 Mukami Ruki Stellaworth Tokuten Bromide & Short Story Paper
Originally, these were tokutens you'd get for buying Ruki's CD through the Stellaworth store. Nowadays you might find them sold at flea markets or second hand stores. The story is written from Ruki's POV, and takes place right after the ending of his CD, with him and Yui still on the rooftop.
Enjoy the angst (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ)d
(Don't repost anywhere!)
#my ramblings are at the bottom of the tags this time for anyone interested dhdjfj#dialovers#diabolik lovers#diahell#ruki mukami#yui komori#ruki x yui#mb ruki x yui#more blood#short story#diabolik lovers official art#mine#this actually made me a bit sad ;_;#now that i think about it ruki's early stories are all more or less angsty#which checks out#the man himself basically says outright (in DF i think) that he didn't know what happiness felt like before he met and fell in love with Yu#and he also mentions (can't remember where exactly) that he used to wish he had simply died as a human#that he saw no real meaning in his “second life”#so yes. he was in a very dark place emotionally at the start of the franchise#which is why his later routes/CDs/stories warm my heart so dang much#just the difference in his outlook and demeanor aughh. fuck. the feels fffffgdgdg *cries*#i am so normal about this man#speaking of which...the upcoming rukiyui story (which will be posted on friday whoooo!) is so fucking good omg#definitely one of my new faves#so look forward to that on friday ((o(*^∇^*)o)) can't wait to share it!#oh and the 9 other stories as well ig sgdg#they're kind of already fading from my awareness though cuz they're not rukiyui :p
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#this scene hurt SO bad#honestly even after twp ends i will probably still be thinking about it#it felt like a stab to the heart fr💔#(but was also hella 🏳️🌈)#kit herondale#ty blackthorn#kit x ty#kitty#secrets of blackthorn hall#the dark artifices#the wicked powers#sobh#tda#twp#tsc
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𝒥𝑜𝒾𝓃 𝓂𝑒 𝒾𝓃 𝒹𝑒𝒶𝓉𝒽.
#girlhood#girlblogging#daddy's good girl#dollette#girl hood#just girly things#ana y mia#dollcore#girls girl#this is what makes us girls#death core#dead girl#hell is a teenage girl#heart been broke so many times#crazy girl#i wanna kms#i just want to be thin#he hit me and it felt like a kiss#mental illness#daddy’s good girl#ickyprincess#1cky daughter#1cky princess#black tumblr#dark forest#dark fantasy#darkness#angelcore#love me#lana del ray aka lizzy grant
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let's meet again
#kingdom hearts#kh#kingdom hearts dark road#khdr#xehanort#young xehanort#baldr#xehabaldr#quadratum au#my art#kh art#(shaking you by the shoulders) BALDR IN QUADRATUM!!!!!!!!!#and he gets a ponytail because. well look at him#idr who i saw say 'i knew he had bakura vibes' when the finale dropped but i was definitely channeling that here#i've been resisting the urge to ramble abt baldr in the tags. because. i am insane#but. BUT#i dont think that there's a meaningful difference between baldr and darkness. like i think 'possessed' baldr IS baldr#and that he's always been Like That. but i also think it's a mask#like he is cruel because of hatred and anger but also because of grief. and also because he's miserable and -#- because he needs to feel like he deserves it. deserves to be miserable#like it's about punishing himself. that's what it is at its core. he is vile and so he will act vile#but it's an act. he's putting on a show. it's a performance#'i win. you lose. the end'#so he tries to drag xehanort into the performance by goading him into being hurt and angry and vengeful towards him (like he deserves)#but the second xehanort refuses to play along the facade comes crashing down#all that to say. i remembered this bit of dialogue from days and felt like drawing something self indulgent. again#happy valentines day to unwell people <3
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the thing about the new IWTV,,,,, they don't hang upside down for unhealthy amounts of time before shoots so that the makeup artist can draw blue veins on them accurately,,,,, one of them isn't actively fighting his homosexual feelings (theory) while playing a queer vampire which will then make him so insecure that he will never act in an even relatively emotionally vulnerable project again,,,, i miss 1994 says the person who was born in 2003
(new IWTV looks cool and i will watch it one day,,,, but the original means so much to me that it feels so weird to see this other lestat on my dash all the time. not that i have any attachment to tom cruise lol but i am so attached to that movie)
#iwtv#interview with the vampire#iwtv 1994#i haven't seen the show#but all i really hope from it is that it keeps the emotional heart that this is a story born from the grief of a mother who lost her daught#you felt that in the first one#you felt the darkness in every scene#it wasn't like oh there is a creeping evil or gloom#the shadow is death the darkness is grief and nothing more#the blood is grief#it's all grief#if it's about hot vampires that's reductive#so i hope it's not
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I think I'm scared to do a whole rewatch of Supernatural because I'll have to watch the first three seasons again.
Because one, it's a lot scarier than the last ones, with shit like people popping out of mirrors just makes me wanna hide under the cover but then you see an episode where someone is killed into their own bed, so there is nowhere you can be safe.
Two, I'm scared to feel emotions about early seasons Dean. I know I loved him starting from episode 3 of season 1, AT LEAST. This Dean feels so lonely that it hurts my own soul.
And three, now that I know how it ends for him, I just can't watch him tell how he knows his story will end. I just can't. It hurts too damn much.
That's why I usually starts in the middle and almost never watches the (2 or 3) last episodes, because the middle is safer. In the middle, Dean is not alone. In the middle, Dean is not dead (well not for long at least). In the middle, there is no beginning and no end. Sure they all suffer but there is still hope in the middle.
#dean winchester#spn#supernatural#season 1#season 2#season 3#early seasons#in those I feel like dean never felt unconditionnal love#his little brother left#his father too#he was hunting alone#and I know it#and I can feel it#his wounds are still fresh and bloody#and it breaks my heart#plus I'm not into horror movies and it felt like it sometimes#I watched those alone in the dark and was so scared before sleeping#also there is no destiel in early seasons#destiel#deancas#my personal experience with spn#i love dean winchester so much
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okay, SO although this account is based on a heavily canon-divergent and reworked version of mister bloom, there are some thing's that he says in the comics that i think are REALLY accurate to blamore's way of thinking and/or something that he'd say because he does have this mindset that gotham is past the point of saving... so it would be better to just raze it all to the ground. BUT in such a way that will make it seem like a revolutionary because it preaches that it wants a 'better life' for all gothamites + that they should rise up and TAKE what they want, though he is in fact turning people against each other in the process and killing people because some people don't survive consuming a seed at all... and the ones who do STILL tend to die later. so this is the biggest panel that i think still relates to it:
as well as this one, because blamore really DOES sometimes believe in his own hubris that he is a savior and someone who will bring a new beginning to gotham that everyone needs. except no one will be there to enjoy it besides maybe him and a few others, so his logic is beyond flawed. though i truly do believe that the immense amount of stress he was put under combined with actually dying for about three minutes made something snap in blamore... though, that doesn't excuse his actions or anything he does, of course. i'm just saying that it may do a good job of pretending like it's okay a good amount of the time, but it is SO angry and full of resentment towards humanity in reality. because blamore spent what was about eight years of his life studying to help people and years actually doing so as well, but in his point of view, it didn't seem to help. especially after blamore's father got shot.
#IT WAS PROBABLY NOTHING BUT IT FELT LIKE THE WORLD: musings.#ALL DARK ALL BLOODY MY HEART: character study.#yeah blamore is uhhh. very much NOT okay and if i'm being honest if you are not one of it's friends or family or anyone close to it-#i DEFINITELY would not trust him. because let me tell ya... blamore is a deceiver and it does this by appearing like this friendly-#as well as spunky being that can make friends with almost anyone BUT that therein lies the problem bc it theoretically could be using you-#and you wouldn't even know it unfortunately. plus i feel as if blamore purposefully makes his motives unclear a majority-#of the time so that it CAN make allies but then throw them away whenever they have 'outlived their use' i guess you could say.#though there are tells as to whether it genuinely feels a sense of kinship / friendship towards someone OFC and doing thing's like-#protecting them or opening up to them are a few of those. so i'm not trying to say that blamore can't forge genuine friendships but-#i'm just saying that it IS tricky sometimes and does occasionally use people as a means to an end.
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#kingdom hearts 2#kh2#riku#my gif#i like how he fixes his hair to get it out of his eyes when changing back to his normal idle animation#riku looks good with his hair long but i feel bad that he likely felt the need to put all of his time and effort into working toward#understanding and overcoming his struggle with his own darkness while also doing whatever he can to help wake sora up for a whole year#as if taking care of himself wasn't much of an option at the time or just wasn't important
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SBI SCP AU character playlists
Tommy:
Rose by The Oh Hellos (I mean I'm doing an entire animatic wip, it fits and I have essays to prove it. Anyway violence, the power of names/narratives, truth, hypocrisy, how sacrifice and love tie together.)
Sunken City by David Wirsig (Tubbo associations, mostly symbolic/vibes past the prison break. The euphoria of escaping and how the world beyond is confusing and unrecognizable. The idea of journeying with a friend to the ruins of what was once your life. 6th verse as finding a new home in found family. 'God free me from the burden of my thoughts')
Never Love an Anchor by The Crane Wives (Tubbo, and how Tommy tries to distance himself to protect them/is the only reason Tubbo stays in a group with people they abhor. Touch starvation, hands as dangerous, seeing himself as a monster/burden. Again. Did an animatic for this one.)
Wilbur (yes they're all by Will Wood for the bit):
Misanthrapologist by Will Wood (Philza, for their light/dark dynamic and untangling of Wilbur's loathing of society and himself. WHiT Constellations interlude. I imagine 'can't keep a straight face while I'm praying' as Phil trying to get Wil to meditate but they end up laughing + 'don't you revolve around someone else' as a chide to Philza post Anderson's death)
Love Me, Normally (If he were honest with himself. Wilbur is wracked with jealousy for humanity that he disguises as hatred. Die young mentality, insomnia, bridge 2 addressed to the void, 'Is it courageous or escapist to leave the quarantine when you’re contagious?' as a comment on the danger of anomalies and if they should be contained)
BlackBoxWarrior (An entire life spent running from the Foundation and their experiments + trauma, repressing the past, general void madness, 'a map to every victim of his love' as the scars the void has left)
The Blade:
Red Water Dreams by Aviators (The sea motif of the voices, being a vessel for The Blood God, finding blame in those who unleashed his apocalyptic revenge. The entire chorus fits so well. 'Vicious thoughts are stirring/And I hunger for their power')
Paralyzed by Aviators (He's just an Aviators boy, what can I say, it's the violence and upbeat tempos man. Really this is The Blood God's song. His challengers as a duty to cull, as he's forced to hunt down every last foe that laid a hand upon his vessel. The thrill of battle, impending doom, 'I will give you one fair chance' because he really does seek a good fight. The Blade is the one paralyzed, unable to do anything but watch as his body is used for destruction)
Turn Out the Lights by The Crane Wives (Because The Blade does actually handle The Blood God/voices pretty well. I feel this song captures the way he just sorta rolls his eyes and shrugs off the intrusive thoughts most of the time)
Philza:
Rule #9 - Child of the Stars by Fish in a Birdcage (Wilbur as a wanderer, but works for any Collected for fostering their growth. Father vibes. Philza raising his children to be strong, independent people. A gentle expectation of greatness, because he picks out the exceptional among humanity)
Hot Tea by Half Alive (His sheer adoration of his Collected, also fun to swap the roles so that it is the god showing devotion. The pure warmth and sweetness matches Philza. In retrospect I need a song about protective violence but eh I set a 3 song limit.)
Time Machine by Miracle Musical (Amnestic arc. Particularly with loneliness and the vehemence in 'look at what you've done now to me', as well as 'I'm leaving today, today' with his confused insistence that he leaves at the end of the week. The way Philza is dragged in and out of grief at the whims of the Foundation, left free floating and disorientated)
Tubbo:
Soap by The Oh Hellos (Actual perfect Tubbo song. WHiT Croplands interlude. Themes of pacifism, how Tubbo is made of pieces, the separation between humans and anomalies and how the Hivemind can cross that barrier. Learning when to let go/hold on with the Tommy, Hive members, Willow. The 2nd chorus as Rhodes trying to convince Tubbo to leave Tommy in Jasper, with the response of 'I think that you’re worth (keeping around/holding onto)' to both Rhodes and Tommy's Never Love an Anchor. And imagining Tubbo saying the last stanza to Tommy makes me so soft)
Escapism by Rebecca Sugar (Dissociation. Grey chapter in general, specifically Pewter for being firm in convictions: 'shouldn't show a trace of doubt' and telling Rosalind the sacrifice won't hurt them, as well as trying to force a dissociative episode when their hand is sawed off)
Saint Bernard by Lincoln (ok this is a troll but also fits well for Cinnabar and Old Gauze. The guilt of failing one's morals. Technically Tubbo is in Indiana satanic and chained up, but I'll let it slide. The Saint Calvin verse is so good for the Rhodes-Tommy tension + Foundation destroying families. Also the way Tubbo blames their self-loathing on Rosalind, making the chorus apt for the Hivemind mess) (but also its funny to give Tubbo the classic edgy character song)
(Bonus) Dr. Blake:
Take Me to War by The Crane Wives (She sees herself as forced to be ruthless to survive against powerful anomalies. 'And I'll rankle the beasts with words' for her manipulation. Also epithets in the dehumanizing way the Foundation avoids names. Verse 3 is Tubbo 'corrupting' the guards when they saved humans from Philza)
Solaria, Kevin / End-World Normopathy by GHOST (Tommy, with religious themes and verse 5/Kevin understood as The Blood God. The cold cruelty of the Foundation, sentience as a failure/flaw in a tool (Tommy), Dr. Blake completely separating her personal and professional selves because to have humanity is only a weakness anomalies will exploit. 'Though you’ll never die, you’ve found that/All eyes are staring at your hands' is an absolutely perfect line for summoning sessions)
#did I actually put an npc named david wirsig in Fault and have Wilbur eat his arm. Yes. It's called admiration.#moving on.#using never love an anchor feels so over done but i mean#would've been hilarious to use exclusively wilbur soot songs for Wil but frankly i don't listen to him enough to over analyze song lyrics#balancing the blade's edgy fight songs with a sweet upbeat song abt mental health was fun#was thinking both sugar pills and razzmatazz (idkhbtfm) for Phil#but time machine was better for amnestics even if it missed the obsession aspect#and. idk man i can hella read razzmatazz for the hallway but its also fundamentally about fame#also didn't include Ribs for Wil bc the lonely + accepting darkness worked well but it felt too connected to femininity#felt like it took the teeth out of the song to give to a male character#also i had enough crane wives songs already. They just make good character songs#tubbo was an utter pain to find songs for until I realized I was looking at the wrong artists#I keep saying rhodes-tommy tension like its obvious that Rhodes is behind the morals that try to hold Tubbo back from their friend#still snickering at giving tub- 'moral heart of the group' -bo the DARK EDGY IM SO EVIL song#yeah i over analyze everything way too much wahoo im so normal#fault au#sbi scp au#scp philza#scp tommyinnit#scp wilbur#scp technoblade#scp tubbo#scp oc#character playlist#technoblade#tommyinnit#philza#wilbur soot#tubbo#sleepy bois inc
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musing in the tags about the view two years out from my hysterectomy and the shifting nature of neuropathy. i asked my PT for recommendations/resources pertaining to pain science and that's been a very helpful lenses to have. i'm still not back to normal, will never be unmarked by this experience or return to my pre-op self, but my baseline has been gradually increasing over the last few months, and it feels good to look back on the last two years and say "i have no idea how i managed to function while living with that, but i did!"
#meatsuit renno#chronic blogging#ctxt#at first post-hysto pain was a deep burning ache#and eventually that lessened on my left side and settled in for the long haul on the right#after a couple weeks it had started to feel like a small carnivorous creature scrabbling and gnawing at the inside of my abdomen#nestled into the hollow of my pelvis and reaching up with its raking claws#about 6 months in and the creature still chewed occasionally but had shrunk to the size of a tennis ball under my right incision site#it clamped its jaws down and went to sleep and i perpetually felt like someone had pinched a fold of my insides with a large binder clip#this constant awful twisting tug every time i moved that kept me from straightening up or breathing fully#this is about a year into recovery and my original surgeon has blown off my requests for follow-up treatment three times now#i carried on as best i could. fatigue and brainfog getting worse & worse as the pain wore on unrelentingly#about a year and a half into recovery it worsened again. searing lancing pain like i'd been impaled on a piece of white hot rebar#couldn't hardly move. couldn't think straight. couldn't sleep#finally checked myself into urgent care & then the ER just to try to get someone anyone to take me seriously and help me#finally got a referral to a new surgeon who immediately pinned it as extreme neuropathy#started gabapentin end of december last year and the relief was immediately#i never thought i would welcome the gritted teeth vice grip of my little feral pain creature#but when i felt the molten spike slide out to be replaced once more by its worrying jaws#the intermittent spark and fizzle of that pinching squirming pain was a dramatic improvement#then i started PT in march and slowly so slowly the creature's hungry grip is loosening#it still clamps down occasionally. maybe once every week or two i'll have a day when i just accept#that there will be a horrible little creature chewing on my right side from the inside#but nowadays with the gabapentin doing as much as it can and an exercise routine i must stick to religiously to supplement PT#the pain is more of a little pearl of dark matter shifting around under my skin#it's incredibly dense. the heart of a black hole of disabling agony. all that white hot fury condensed into a slick heavy marble#as i recover some of my strength and energy i can feel my body coating it in nacreous layers to minimize its influence#my hysterectomy was 2 years and 4 days ago today and i feel like i can finally finally say i'm beginning to truly heal#i suspect i'll always carry this pearl in my side like shrapnel. product of damaged nerve tissue that went untreated for far too long#i wish my original surgeon had been more competent more attentive less lazy & indifferent to my pain. but i still don't have any regrets.
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brother where is the charles appreciation
#so dark out here#umm dead boy detectives review here we go! first two episodes were definitely the worst of the series. both are kinda weirdly paced and#the exposition is done poorly in places. overall from episode 3 onwards it gets much much better with pacing and show dont tell#do not understand for the life of me why they made crystal palace american#kassius nelson (<- crystals actress) was very good in places and kinda ehhh in others and im 90% the issue for most of the latter moments#was just that her american accent is not great. sorry they did that to you queen#dialogue was a bit dodge sometimes as well#stuff i liked now! the plot felt quite solid and i really enjoyed the monster of the week approach i think thats the perfect way to#do a dbd adaptation. was a bit annoyed they immediately went to america but port townsend was an interesting setting and all the#supernatural elements/characters fit in nicely#major props cos i feel like the show mostly pulled off the emotionally charged moments without getting corny and the dialogue was generally#good in those moments#particularly charles/crystals heart to heart in ep. 3 and like the entirety of episode 7 (<- ep 7 was brilliant)#overall very fun watch and i feel that the more irritating typical YA show garb was at least a bit offset by them being willing to get#quite dark in places#bit sad people are mostly posting about edwin becos charles was my favourite. has been entertaining watching americans scramble around#the cultural differences in the show#shaking my inbox like a maraca. if anyone wants to talk at me abt the show i will love you forever#.log
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I'm torn with khux/khdr/kh3's developments with Ventus and Vanitas because part of me always loved that they are 2 halves of the same coin, and how connected they were. But I also think the idea of Ventus and Vanitas being ancient beings of light or darkness is also sooo coooool
#kh spoilers#kingdom hearts spoilers#i gotta be more aware of what I say if any fuckin text post can show up in a tag/search result...#the ONLY way I'll be 10000% happy is if both Ven and Vanitas are ORIGINAL pieces of the shattered X blade from MoM's childhood#explaining why they made the X Blade on their own (not 7vs13 like kh3) during BbS#I ALSO need Nomura to explain why Darkness was in Vens heart in ReMind if Vanitas had been torn out like 10 years prior#he bend over backwards to explain how Terra could be the Guardian-- he better do it again for this LOL#Idk KHUX just felt SOOO thought out#but KHDR getting an update a month later with CHANGED DIALOGUE#idk.... it feels like Nomura's slipping for me... I hope I'm wrong
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