#felt like i was hit by a truck all day tho and my lungs are still a bit tight and wheezy

[paranoidblue]

right fellas, let's see if we survive the night

[chaos-in-deepspace]

LNDS: Bongo Butts | 18+

I should be going to bed but I forgot to do laundry so here I am, writing more content that nobody asked for. Just like motorboating them...when I see them butts. Just. WHAM BAM. Thanks for coming to my TED talk. Also hope you know I had to research different types of dump trucks for this fic.

Disclaimer: This is an original fan work for “Love and Deepspace”. Do not repost on other platforms or plagiarize. All characters shown in this fic is 18+. Warnings: Ass Slapping, Crack Fic, Playing their asses like they're bongos, Zayne's lost sanity, Rafayel is scandalized as per usual, you mentally scar Raf, Xavier is confused as per usual, but is he confused?, he does get you back tho

Blog Information | Masterlist

Xavier

Xavier really did need to be more careful around you. He was the one who wanted you to date him first, in your defense. He chose you. And you wouldn't let a single day go by that you didn't prove why that was a horrible decision on his end. At the very least, he could claim that he was never bored with you around.

Today was supposed to be a lazy day. You two had off from all missions and were relaxing around the apartment since it was too damn hot to actually go outside. It also happened to be laundry day for Xavier, so he was dressed in his workout attire while his uniforms were being deep cleaned from all the dirt that accumulated on them during his missions.

Those shorts. They were so damn short. You'd even call it slutty because hot damn. His ass was just right there. It was staring at you. Hypnotizing you like it was a snake charmer. Your hands were already twitching in a grabby motion as you stared directly at those perfectly rounded globes on his backside. His beautiful bubble butt.

Xavier could feel your stare burning into him as he looked over his shoulder. He was just sun bathing by the window, laying on his stomach. So vulnerable to your upcoming attack.

"Something you need?" Damn, he already sounded suspicious. It might've been by how you were practically drooling with your hands up, ready to grab at him. It was a slight give away. He should've been more prepared though, because you lunged at him in that moment.

He only had time to turn slightly when you pushed him back on his stomach, sitting on his back to pin him down. Your hands took a fistful of his ass before you began hitting them with little force. Just watching them jiggle with every little slap of your hands.

You were cackling like a maniac as you continued your assault until he managed to maneuver you off of him. You were laughing, your cheeks flushed as you almost teared up. His entire face was red as he stared at you in horror. Then you saw a flash in his eyes and you knew you were done for.

He grabbed you, pulling you onto his lap. Then you felt a harsh slap at your ass, making you squeal. It was so much rougher than you had hit him. He stared at your back side and did it again.

"I can see why you found this so entertaining. I think I'll play with this for now."

"Unhand me you creatine!"

"I think not, if I let you go, who knows what else you'll do to me."

Zayne

Anyone who has ever had the pleasure of laying eyes on Akso's best Cardiac Surgeon knew that one thing was a pure fact. He had an ass. His doctor's coat did a good job concealing it, but he couldn't wear it all the time. You had even noticed a few nurses who would glance down at him when he passed them in the hallway.

It was something you knew very well about Zayne, and something the man seemed oblivious to. The man didn't just have a dump truck as a rear end, it was a dump trailer. That shit could keep a family fed for an entire year. It was so perfect in every way. You could grab onto one cheek with both hands and you still wouldn't be able to capture the entire thing.

Yet for some reason, Zayne had no idea just how badly you needed his ass. You would often times find yourself staring at it when you hung out, had an appointment, or were just lounging at the apartments. It plagued your thoughts. You were losing sleep over this. It wasn't good for your health.

"Zayne..." You said as you relaxed on the couch next to him. You two were catching up on a TV show that you started well over a month ago but hadn't had time to really enjoy it.

"Yes, did you need something?" Oh how sweet he was, always looking out for you.

"Yes actually...can you lay down on your stomach for me? I wanna do something." You said, knowing that this man would do just about anything you asked. He eyed you for a moment, contemplating if he wanted to play this game with you.

"Might I inquire as to why?"

"That's for me to know, and you to find out."

Zayne took one more moment before giving in. He adjusted his position, laying down on his stomach just as you had asked. You decided to be subtle, leaning over his form and placing your hands on his shoulders at first. You gently caressed the skin there, massaging the muscles through his shirt as you slowly made your way down to the small of his back.

There it was. The prize. The holy grail of all asses. It was ripe for the taking as you looked over to see Zayne's closed eyes as he relaxed under your touch. You didn't hesitate. Your hands slapping down on his ass and grabbing it roughly.

His eyes shot open as he looked over at you. You licked your lips as you began gently slapping the flesh, watching the bounce as though it were made of jelly. It was a sight to behold and you couldn't help yourself. You had seconds before Zayne reacted and pulled your grubby little hands off him.

So you leaned your head in and bit down. His pants managed to cushion him from the force of your bite, but he sure as hell felt it. He sat up and grabbed you under the arms like a cat, stopping you in your tracks as you stared at him.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Playing with your nice ass."

"My butt is not a play thing."

You paused for a moment, eyes trailing down to the front of his pants, "If you aren't gonna let me slap your ass, can I play with your dick like it's a Bop-It?"

You watched Zayne go through five stages of grief. He sighed as he grabbed a blanket next to him, wrapping your entire body like a burrito so your limbs were no longer effective. He then sat back down on the couch with his legs open and placed you between, holding you tightly to his chest.

"I'm begging you, please be quiet for once and let's finish this show."

Rafayel

He should've known you were up to something if your gaze was anything to go off of. You had zeroed in on him the moment you had come over. Even during your little date as you two explored Linkon together, he knew something was up. Your not so subtle glances in his direction couldn't be considered innocent.

If only he knew why you were staring so hardcore. He had gotten a new pair of pants, or at least you assumed they were new. You were pretty sure you'd remember them with how good he looked at the moment. It was tight on him, accentuating his ass perfectly. You were pretty sure if you riled him it would also perfectly outline another aspect of him.

Still, you had a mission. Rafayel didn't know it yet, but the moment you had caught a glimpse of him this morning, you knew what had to be done. His muffins needed to be squished. His plump little cushions had to be properly admired and worshipped. You would be the one to happily give them the attention they deserved. An ass sculpted by the gods themselves were staring at you literally all day.

You closed the door to his home slowly, turning over to him. He was already heading to the living room. You slowly stalked behind him, and he could feel you were up to no good.

"Something caught your interest? I know I look good, but not even you normally stare at me this much."

"I just think you look particularly handsome today is all." As does his ass. You couldn't say that yet though, he would realize what your plans were if you verbalized it too early. Like a cat stalking a mouse, you followed him until he was in the living room. The moment he was by the couch you took action.

You rushed behind him and pressed down on the small of his back, making him stumble forward. He grabbed the edge of the couch, his body hunched over. Rafayel turned just in time to watch you drop down to your knees. Then he felt your hands harshly gripping his ass. Then the quick slaps in succession followed as you began laughing maniacally.

"Finally!" You said as you grabbed at them again. Rafayel finally reacted, rolling onto the couch to get away from your hands. You were practically panting as your hands twitched, "Come on Raf, lemme just squeeze em again."

"You are a psychopath." He said, hiding his ass from your view.

"I'm your psychopath though." Despite how horrified Rafayel looked, he was also amused by your antics. He grabbed at your arm, making you fall forward and your chest pressing against his own. His hands went to grab at your ass this time, squeezing them and laughing.

"You know, I think I'm seeing the appeal of this." He commented, his hands lazily hitting your ass cheeks like you had to him, although he was far more calm about it.

"See, it's amazing...now can I go back to playing with your butt? I wasn't done yet."

"I think not...although this has given me an idea. Do you mind if I paint your backside?"

"You wanna paint on my ass?"

"Perhaps."

"...I'll agree if you let me eat your-" Rafayel had never cut you off so quickly.

"Never mind."

The most accurate representation of what we're doing to these poor men. I will not be silenced. Their asses need to be slapped. And ate

[p-taryn-dactyl]

Hi omg I love your blog so much! You're truly a great writer~ I don't know if you have the time or the inspiration, but could you do a Wanda x mutant!reader where after the iconic and legendary "no more mutants" thingy, Wanda's gf doesn't survive because she needed her powers? And maybe Wanda tries to fix everything? It's totally okay if you can't, or if you need to take your time, truly. Do have a nice day!! <3 and don't forget to drink and eat, please~ and have a proper sleep schedule, too, just a reminder!

a/n: hi!! Thank you so much!! That means a lot to me ❤️Ooo i love this prompt, so much angsty angst. I have to be honest with you tho anon, i haven’t read the House of M quite yet so if anything seems off, it is because i put my faith in google…i apologize. But i think i did ok? Maybe? Anyways thank you for the reminders <3<3, i really appreciate them. I also have to apologize for the angst of this fic, i really snatched that happy ending away :/

wanda maximoff taglist: @nyx-aira @astralqche @exclusivitymajor

word count: 426

warning(s): angst; major character death; not a happy ending; author might be a bit to dependent on google; not quicksilver friendly (?); short

No More Mutants

Air was sucked out of your lungs, the atmosphere around you chilling your bones. You collapsed onto the ground, clutching your chest as you stared at your girlfriend. The words she spoke resonated throughout your body, her magic stripping you of your lifeline.

No more mutants, she had said.

When Wanda opened her eyes, she examined the chaos before her. Mutants, now mortal, were mourning their lost powers, looking at her with hate. But her eyes quickly fell on you, as you crumbled to the ground. Ignoring the hostile environment around her, Wanda ran to you, gathering you in her arms. Panicked, she cupped your face, her fractured mind yelling at her.

“Y/N? Beba, what- why-”

You couldn’t speak, the energy once fueling you fading away. Your mutation is what kept you alive, without it - you were doomed. All you could do was raise a shaking hand to cover Wanda’s, one last symbol of your love.

Wanda didn’t understand what was happening. She didn’t want to kill anyone, she didn’t want to hurt you. Why was this happening?

The realization hit her like a truck.

Your x-gene didn’t “activate” until you had died a few years earlier. She took away your power, reversing you to your natural, mortal state. Dead.

Wanda’s lips trembled as she planted a kiss on your forehead, almost pulling away in shock when she felt how cold you were rapidly becoming. When she did pull away, she couldn’t hold back a sob when she saw you mouthing ‘I love you’, words unable to be spoken. You squeezed her hand one last time before…

Wanda let out a scream, a blast of power radiating from her body, throwing everyone around her backwards. She pulled you into a hug, your limp body shaking with her cries.

“No, no, I can, I can fix this.” She spoke under her breath, her magic swirling around you. But before she could cast the spell, she felt a hand on her shoulder. Quicksilver looked down at his sister, a blank look on his face. Wanda snarled as she brought you closer to her, shielding your body from him.

“You told me to do this, you told me it would fix everything!”

Quicksilver just shook his head, removing his hand from Wanda.

“You did fix everything, sister. But you cannot fix this, death is not something we play with.”

Wanda’s eyes glowed a dangerous red, her power blasting her brother away from her. She let her magic flow through you once more, snarling at her brother.

“Watch me.”

a/n: ik this is super short and i am very sorry about that!! i love this prompt and enjoyed writing it, i just was afraid of messing up the lore too much but thank you for reading!! I hope you enjoyed it! Bc of the ending, i am willing to write a part 2, if anyone would like that!

[nothing-but-dreamy]

ON THE EDGE ~ Pt. 1

Summary: YN is a Detective and the partner of Gavin Reed, number one douchebag of the Detroit City Police Department. After a forced break, she comes back. She’s looking forward to working with her partner again and to getting back into her ‘normal’ life between case files and criminals. But, of course, it doesn’t stay boring for too long: Gavin seemed to be more on the edge than usual, a Red Ice dealer might be a good lead to something bigger and then, there is Connor, the friendly, handsome android and Hank’s new partner.

Added to the fact that yn has to deal with the criminal world again, she also discovers feelings she hasn’t noticed before triggered by a person she hasn’t expected.

Her life always resembled a ride on a rollercoaster.

But now, it’s a whole damn circus parade.

Characters: Gavin Reed, YN (FEMALE!Reader), Hank Anderson, Connor

Words: 2.472

Warnings: signs of PTSD (flashbacks in italics), cursing (a lot), mention of blood

"He's totally crazy. He shoots at everything that moves. It's impossible to get close to him.", yn stated. "But we have to stop him somehow."

"Stay here. I have an idea. Over there, the left spot is free. He will barely notice me.", Gavin said and pointed in the direction.

"Gavin, no!", Yn cursed as he slipped through her grip, "Gavin!", she tried again to call him back but her partner was already too far away, "Fuck!"

Gavin ran to the left side like mentioned. Yn stayed behind the hide and watched the scene concerned. She was trying to cover Gavin whenever needed. What Gavin couldn't notice was that the crazy guy had seen him.

Even if she tried everything to get the guy's attention, Yn watched in horror how the suspect aimed at Gavin who sneaked through the room completely unaware that he was the target in the line of fire.

The suspect aimed his gun into Gavin's direction and waited til he would appear on the other side of the pillar where Gavin tried to hide.

There was no way that yn would be able to stop the guy. He was too far away and behind a half broken wall. But she was convinced that she could help Gavin. That was what she did without thinking twice: she ran towards Gavin. As she reached him to push him out of the way, the suspect fired his gun two times.

Of course Gavin was cursing as he hit the ground unexpectedly, not knowing what had pushed him. He hurried to get back on his feet and as he saw that the suspect's gun had been running out of bullets, Gavin shot to stop him.

Gavin made sure that the suspect was no threat anymore. Officers were running into the room to arrest the shooter. And only then, Gavin noticed yn lying on the ground and all the blood pouring from her body...

Gasping for air, Gavin started up from his sleep and sat straight in his bed, "Fuck...", he cursed breathlessly. He was dripping with sweat, his hair clutching to his face. Three o'clock in the morning. Just two hours of sleep but still more than the night before...or all the other nights during the past weeks.

Gavin pushed his blanket away, sat on the edge of his bed and rested his face in his hands to calm down himself. His fingers were digging into his hair violently as he desperately tried to get the memories out of his head. He squeezed his eyes shut until stars were dancing in front of his inner eyes.

A shudder was shaking him. Goosebumps were spreading over his naked chest. To sit around like this, covered in sweat, wouldn't do anything good. And because he was already awake, Gavin stood up, took his boxing gloves and started to train until the pictures in his head would disappear.

He knew this would never happen.

He should have been better.

He had failed yn.

**

To stay in front of this certain building after all these long weeks felt like coming home. At least, for yn. She was nervous but in a good way that shot adrenaline through her body. It was like the first day at school after the summer break. She didn't have to fear anything. Everyone would be happy to see her again. And yet, she extended the moment to go in. It was not an official visit. She just wanted to come back because...she feared to miss too many things.

Yn had heard the rumors of Hank's new partner. An android. Then, there were the happenings that got called 'War of Detroit', the successful android revolution. So many things had changed and yet, yn knew that there was still this one, certain absolute term. Her own rock in this ocean of craziness she could always depend on: Gavin Reed, her partner.

Yn was looking forward to seeing all the familiar faces again and without waiting any longer, she entered the DPD finally.

*

Gavin stood in the kitchen of the DPD at one of the tables, his back facing the office so he hadn't to see anyone. The last thing he wanted was to talk with someone. A cup of coffee stood in front of him. He watched the foam floating around on the dark liquid. It was his third cup. And it wouldn't be the last.

"Good morning, Detective Reed."

Gavin nodded without looking up. Even if Gavin had made his peace with Connor, the nice android from the neighborhood, he was still getting on his nerves from time to time. This morning was such a 'time'. His thoughts always drifted back to his recurring dreams of yn…

"Reed.", Hank greeted Gavin, who nodded quickly. Without asking, Hank and Connor joined Gavin at the table. An own cup of coffee in front of Hank. He sugared it and stirred the liquid that would start his day.

Connor was about to say something, maybe to light up the mood of these two grumpy guys, but Hank stopped him, "Shit! Look who's there.", he said and looked at someone behind Gavin's back.

Gavin looked up and saw Hank and Connor staring at the same spot so, he turned around, "No fucking way!", Gavin called out surprised and approached yn quickly who stood in the passage of the kitchen. A smirk was spreading on his lips as he saw her in the familiar environment.

Yn smiled and waved but as she saw Gavin's predatory glance and the smirk, she stepped back and raised her hands to stop him, "Gavin, no. Stop! Gavin!" The impact of her partner knocked all the air out of her lungs.

He snaked his arms around her waist and scooped her up, "I have missed you, shorty!", he cheered.

Yn chuckled until she got put back down on her feet a moment later, "I have missed you, too, idiot!", she said. Together, Gavin and yn went back to the table to Hank and Connor, "I'm- what? Away for six weeks and everything went south? Detroit fights a civil war against androids who started a revolution? Everything's a warzone, suddenly and I'm not a part of that? Boys, I thought you could handle it better without me.", she said smirking and crossed her arms.

"We did what we could but there were just too many of these things.", Gavin said serious.

As yn looked at Gavin with an amused expression, her eyes fell on the fourth person at the table, "Oh, and who are you?"

"My name is Connor.", the android answered.

"My new partner.", Hank added.

"Your new- bloody hell! I already heard the rumors but- Nice to meet you. I'm yn. Whenever you need help with the old man, come to me.", yn said with a wink.

"Very funny!" Hank grunted but yn saw the grin on his face.

As Gavin saw the glances between Connor and yn, he stepped between them. Gavin wasn't fond of the way the android looked at her.

"So, you're 'back' back?", Gavin asked hopefully.

"I'm still not fully recovered. I have to attend a few dates with the psycho-doc AND I have to pass the shooting test. Then I will be back. I guess one more week. I just have missed all this so much, I had to come over.", yn said grinning.

"I guess, there will be no problem for you to pass everything, kiddo.", Hank said encouragingly.

"Thanks Hank-"

"Of course, she will pass all this bullshit! And then, she will be back. The precinct was way too boring without you!", Gavin said excitedly.

Yn saw his eyes sparkling and the familiar grin. She considered saying something nice but she always loved to tease this douchebag. It was their thing, "No new recruits to torture, huh?"

Gavin's smile faltered and he squinted his eyes as he saw her smirking, "I never-"

Yn nodded understandingly, "Ohh...I see... No women to hunt either? You poor thing!", she patted his cheek to act playfully caring.

Gavin couldn't do anything else than just to laugh before he brought her into a bear hug, completely enveloping her, "Oh, how much I have missed you!", Gavin stepped back, ruffled her hair, and laid his arm around her shoulders before they walked to his desk.

Connor watched after them. Overwhelmed by her entrance, the way she was handling Gavin and how different the Detective was around her, "Where was she?", he asked Hank finally.

Confused, Hank looked at his partner, "What?"

"Where was yn? She said she was gone for several weeks. Where had she been? Vacation?"

"Oh .. uhmm, no. She... During their last case, she got injured. She had to recover. It's good that she will be back soon, tho.", Hank explained, smiling about the fact yn was coming home.

"Detective Reed seems different around her.", Connor stated, still confused about all the smiles and laughter coming from Reed.

"I guess it's her magical power. She's able to handle him where anyone else failed a long time ago."

Connor looked at her once again. Yn stood with Gavin, Chris and some other cops at the desk, talking and laughing. She was truly magical. Nice, funny, cheeky, beautiful. He was looking forward to working with her. Then, she came back to them.

"Hey, I got appetite for the best burger in town. Wanna join?", she called over to Hank who nodded with a grin. Gavin rolled his eyes but she just nudged him in his side. Connor got dragged out of his thoughts and followed his three colleagues. Yn already waited for him to join. Much to Gavin's dismay she linked her arm with the android's one but he swallowed down his annoyance for the greater good.

*

They drove to the Chicken Feed truck. The best burger in town, how Hank had titled them. While the three made their orders, Connor organized a table. All three went to the table with burgers and drinks. Simultaneously, they bit into their burgers.

"You know, this meal contains 1.4 times the recommended daily intake of calories. You shouldn't eat-"

"Shut up!", Gavin and Hank yelled at the same time. Connor silenced instantly.

Yn looked alternating at Hank and Gavin before she stopped at Connor, "Connor, honey, very important rule: don't fuck the boys up when it comes to their food. It's not a good idea."

"But it's unhealthy.", Connor argued innocently.

Yn nodded slowly, knowing what he meant before she looked at her burger closely, "Well, I’m spotting salad, tomato and even pickles on our burgers. These are three different types of vegetables. It's more healthier than everything else we're used to consuming. Don't forget that we usually got fueled by coffee and donuts. Only."

Connor nodded and let them eat. He had learnt that humans knew how to live the best way but some of them didn't just want to do it right. Maybe it wasn’t for him to change their behaviour.

"Hey, sweety. Want some bread?”, Yn asked and threw a small piece of bread on the ground.

Hank followed the way of her attention and rolled annoyed with his eyes, "Oh, these disgusting creatures!", Hank muttered. Yn looked questioningly up to Connor.

"Lieutenant Anderson doesn't like pigeons.", Connor explained.

"That sounds like a story. I wanna know it!", yn said amused with a big grin, waiting for Hank to speak up.

Hank grinned but shook his head, "Someday, I will tell you what I had to endure with this guy but not now.", Hank said and he and Connor said goodbye. Hank hugged yn before they left her and Gavin alone.

Gavin and yn started to walk around a bit, enjoying the sunny winter day, "You look tired. Have you been very busy the last few weeks?", yn asked.

"No, it was okay. Nothing much. The typical stuff, you know.", Gavin said, his hands buried in the pockets of his jacket, playing with some coins.

"Oh, yeah... So, you just didn't want to see me then?", she asked, looking at him from the corner of her eyes, watching his reaction.

Gavin avoided her eyes, looking at the ground, "Yn…", he sighed, "I…", but he stopped. Unsure what he should say.

Yn nudged him with her shoulder, a soft smile on her lips as she saw his pained expression, "It's okay. I'm not mad. I was just… it was boring, you know. If you would have visited more often, maybe it would have been more fun to recover.", she said jokingly but it wasn't working, the painful expression stayed in his face.

"I really doubt that.", Gavin said low, still not able to look at her.

"What?", Yn asked surprised and stopped.

Gavin stopped as well, facing her with his back, "I- I… forget it.", Gavin said and was about to go but yn stopped him with her hand holding his arm and turning him around.

"Gavin, what is it?"

Gavin needed a moment before he looked at yn, as he did, it was with a serious expression, "It's my fault that you got injured in the first place."

Slightly taken aback that it was this topic that still bothered him, yn frowned and looked at him with big eyes and shaking her head, "No. It was the fault of this fucker-"

"No! You wouldn't have been shot if I hadn't been so stupid! I have failed you as a partner and as a friend!", Gavin called out angrily, torturing himself.

Yn intervened right away, "Stop that, Gavin! It's not your fault, okay? Your idea was good. This guy was simply just too crazy."

Gavin dropped his gaze, not able to look into her eyes any longer. For him it didn’t feel right to get forgiveness from her, "I should have been in your place instead. Two more scars on my body wouldn't make any difference to all the others I already have."

Yn stepped forward to search his glance, "You feel guilty, I get that. But ... you don't have to, okay? And beside, I know you and your luck. You would have been killed instead of just being injured.", a smirk playing on her lips.

Finally, Gavin looked at her again. He chuckled low by the face she made: a too overexcited grin to cheer him up. No matter how down he felt, yn was able to let him feel better. Always. Even just for a moment. He stepped forward and brought her into a bone crushing embrace, "It's so good to have you back.", he said softly into her hair.

Yn was surprised about the sudden outburst of emotions but she hugged him back, enjoying this moment to the fullest, "Yeah. And you know what? I can't wait to kick some asses with you again."

[solar-bean]

First Meeting

I have like 3 different versions for how Zola met the Autobots ( specifically Optimus) but thos one's my favorite.

So this was it. I wake up. Shower. Feed RG0 ( pronounced Argo ) my Rottweiler, German Shepard mix. Eat breakfast. Workout. Then tinker and tinker till the day is spent on whatever project I'll probably never finish. I usually skip lunch and go straight to dinner. After that I'd read, paint watch tv or even practice playing my ukulele. Then I'd sleep and do it all over again as I've been doing for the past three years.

The best part is that my routine is never interrupted by outsiders since I'm alone in the woods. Or at least until now.

One night RG0 decided that he wanted to stray away from our normal path. I was fine with even though he was off leash. Nighttime in the forest no longer scared me. I felt more safe than anything. I still brought my shotgun just in case.

Then I heard a loud boom and stopped in my tracks. Before I knew it RG0 bolted into the direction of the loud sound. I hurried after him in a panic.

" Crazy dog! Now is not the time to be curious!!!"

He zoomed past the twisting trees over the uneven ground that slowed me down. Over the thumping of my heartbeat I could hear more loud sounds that were all getting louder. What was this dog leading me to? Thankfully he stopped at a dead end.

I recognized it as a small cliff that overlooked the largest valley in the forest. RG0 stood at the edge and stared down quietly with his ears perked. I slowed down and began to catch my breath only for it to leave my lungs again in shock.

The once peaceful, lush valley was now a warzone filled with....robots??? Why the hell are there robots?! And why are they fighting for that matter?!! There had to be ten - no - twelve of them. All with futuristic guns and other weapons used to harm and maybe even kill. But there seemed to be two groups. It wasn't just random fighting.

The ones with brighter colors seemed to only be fighting the ones with sharper, more threatening features. Wait did they have matching symbols? Ugh! I can't tell without my glasses.

Hang on...what were these things exactly? Some kind of government project gone wrong or maybe a test? It would make since sense these woods are deserted despite me and RG0. Wait did they not know I was here. I have been keeping a low profile. Maybe I'm not suppose to be seeing this. Holy Crap!!! One of the little ones just ripped off the other's arm!!!!

" Ok buddy," I held onto RG0s collar and began to step back slowly. " No clue what the hells going on but we're leaving right now."

Then as luck would have it, one if the robots was blasted into the cliff with an eerily human cry of pain. The force of the impact made me fall over and RG0 yelp. Apparently we'd been loud enough to be heard since the robot, who was tall enough to rest their elbow ( or at least what looked like one ) on the cliff's edge, spotted us.

They were red, blue and silver from what I could see. They also seemed to be wearing some sort of mask. But what really stood out was their glowing eyes that stared back at mine. They held so much emotion and intelligence. That and they were the most beautiful shade of blue.

Before I could admire the metallic stranger any longer, a screeching voice runge out.

" Well Prime, it looks like you've found one of the planet's many pests. Here let me dispose of it for you."

Oh that can't be good.

An energy blast from above missed me and RG0 by a hair. I frantically searched above the trees to see another robot high in the sky with a blaster pointed at us.

Oh great they can fly too!!!

Without a second thought we bolted back down the path with the flying bot hot on our tails. RG0 was taking the path home but I managed to signal him to follow me down another in the opposite direction. I hadn't been this way in a while but the last thing I need is them knowing where we live. It would have been a lot easier to runaway if I didn't have to keep running ina zigzag to avoid blasts. From the high pitched laughter, I could tell that this metal douchebag was enjoying our scurrying.

The robot must have gotten tired of flying since they landed on the ground. Right in front of us.

" As fun as this chase has been, human. I'll need to finish the job before Megatron gets suspicious of why my mission is taking so long. Not that you understand any of what I'm saying. With your inferior intellect and all."

Ok. Doucheness just went from a 10 to a 20.

They pointed their blaster at me, causing RG0 to jump in front of me and growl at them.

" Aw. The organic has a loyal pet. Let's see how well it handles my plasma beam."

" No!"

I held RG0 close to me and awaited the blast that never came. Instead another came from behind us and hit the flying robot's in their blaster, damaging it.

" Leave them alone Starscream!" came a noble, booming voice.

It was the red robot from before.

" Argh! How dare you interrupt my fun once again Optimus Prime!"

Ok good I've got their names now. Guessing that Optimus is the good guy.

Oh great now they're fighting and I'm way too close!

I barely managed to get out of the way as they tussled around, making the ground shake. Once I was a good I looked over my shoulder to see Optimus, the nice robot, pause to give me a look that said "run." He was distracted long enough for Starscream, aka the douchebag, land a kick on his injured side. That must be where he was shot earlier considering there was a hole leaking some sort of fluid.

Optimus groaned and fell to his knees. He was about to get up before Starscream pointed his still somewhat functional blaster at his face.

" You've disappointed me, Prime. Bested by a few blows? Where's that legendary power?! Ah well. No matter. Megatron shall be pleased when I deliver your helm to him."

That should've been my cue get RG0 and I ro safety, seeing that Optimus was only fighting this guy to give us an opening to flee. But was he really going to die? Or would he be fine if we left? It's not like we could help him anyway!

Unless....

" Hey Starscream!"

" Huh-"

Starscream emitted a pathetic wail when one one of my rifle's bullets hit his face. Then another. And another.

" Why you little-"

Before he could aim his blaster, RG0 jumped on his foot and barked up at him loudly.

" Ew get off me you disgusting organic parasite!"

He hopped from foot to foot as RG0 jumped around his feet and pawed at them. Meanwhile I kept shooting at him, making a few noticeable dents in his armor. All the chaos made him do a panicked jig and whine. I couldn't help but giggle.

'Serves you right!!!'

He had enough once he accidentally shot himself in the foot trying to get RG0.

" ARGH! Oh that's it! Now you both die!"

Then Optimus, now having recovered some, shoved him at full force. It sent him tumbling threw a few trees, scratching his metal skin and bending one of his wings. He laid a groaning mess in a heap with Optimus' gun aimed at his head.

" I think it's time for you to go."

With that Starscream transformed into a jet- wait how the HELL- and flew away. I was so taken aback by his transformation that I didn't notice one of the now dented trees give out and fall towards me.

" Look out!" Optimus warned.

RG0 thankfully tackled me out of the way but my head hit the ground to hard and everything turned black.

-------------

I woke up with a throbbing headache and sore muscles. Even worse my bed felt terrible and the curtains were open in my room.

Wait a minute....

'This isn't my room!'

I surveyed my surroundings. I was apparently seating in the front seat of a truck.

'WHO'S TRUCK AM I IN???'

Before I could panic for much longer a familiar voice came from the radio.

" Good morning. How are you feeling?"

" U-uhmm...fine I guess. Who am I talking to?" I said while staring skeptically at the radio and scooting as far into the seat as I could.

" Forgive me for not introducing myself properly. I am Optimus Prime. The mech you met from last night."

'Oh great! That wasn't all a weird whiskey induced dream.'

" But......you're a truck now???"

" Yes."

" Weren't you a robot before?"

" If by 'robot' you mean my primary form, then also yes."

I burried my face in my hands and groaned.

"Ughhh what's going on?"

I then remembered the lack of a certain furry companion. I was about to panic again until I saw RG0 a few yards away from us and playing with some of the other robots from last night. A small yellow one was on the ground, nearly mirroring RG0's play position. I would've found the whole scene cute if it wasn't so bizarre.

" If you don't mind me asking. I would like to know the name of the human who saved me."

I snorted.

" Saved you? No way. If anything you saved me."

" If you hadn't have stayed and distracted Starscream, I would've been severely injured if not offlined. You could have left me there and saved yourself. But you didn't. You showed true bravery."

" Aw stop with the flattery. I was just paying you back for helping us first. So consider us even."

" Then thank you miss....?"

" Princeton. Well Zola is my first name."

" Then thank you Zola. And I'm sure we have much to discuss."

" That might be an understatement."

And it was.

[today-we-will-survive]

07. Save Me

A story based on the fictional HYYH world about six boys with unimaginable problems and their friend that can’t do anything to help.

Member: Jungkook

Genre: Angst

Warning: warnings are in the masterlist

Word Count: 6.5K

Parts can be found on my Masterlist under “The Most Beautiful Moment In Life”

A/N: New parts every Tuesday and Friday

You can only pick up the pieces and paste them back together so many times before they no longer fit.

April.

One evening when Jungkook was ten, he and his parents were driving home from the grocery store. This was a weekly occurrence with them. One he always looked forward to because he and his dad would race each other down the aisles. This particular night, it was raining really hard. So hard that the wipers were working at a rapid pace to try and keep the windshield clear and the street visible. The sound, though a bit jarring, was repetitive enough to turn into a sort of rhythm. One that had Jungkook’s eyelids growing heavy until he slumped against the door, face pressed against his palm, and he drifted to sleep.

When he opened his eyes again, it wasn’t to the sound of rain on the metal car roof or the double time beat of the windshield wipers. It was to the beeps of monitors and quiet conversations between strangers. It was too bright. Too white. Too sterile. It took him several seconds to realize he was lying in a bed in a hospital room. And his parents weren’t in there with him.

The night they were all coming home from grocery shopping, a semi truck had run a red light and smashed into them. His dad had been killed instantly and his mom only lived for another week before dying in the hospital of complications. The crash had put Jungkook in a coma and by the time he came out of it, he didn’t have parents. He’d fallen asleep on the way home from the store and woken up in the hospital two weeks later, completely alone in the world.

For several months after the wreck, he’d withdrawn into himself, and while he barely ever spoke a word to anyone during that time, the voice in his mind screamed at the heavens, demanding to know why he had lived. Why his family had been taken. Why he couldn’t have gone with them. He’d heard a nurse say back in the hospital that the only reason he survived was because, since he’d been asleep, his body was limp, therefore absorbed most of the impact, unlike his parents who, as anyone else anticipating a collision would, tensed up. It’s why drunk drivers so often walk away from a crash when their victim doesn’t. If he would have been awake, maybe he’d be wherever his parents were too. Maybe they could be together.

He’d been in the foster system ever since then. Being moved from fake family to fake family,  temporary house to temporary house so quickly sometimes he didn’t even get the chance to memorize his address. No one wanted a preteen. Once you were past the impressionable age, you were treated more as a guest in the house rather than part of the family. No one willingly took in older kids and teenagers because they wanted to. It was always for the money. At least, that was how Jungkook saw it.

He’d learned that out of all of the kids he ever lived with, he was the expendable one. The one that didn’t need attention. Didn’t need love because he could take care of himself. Over time, he’d learned to survive. To see his fake family as a provider of the bare necessities and nothing else. He’d learned to never grow attached. To never let anyone in. To never even unpack his things because any day now, his case worker was going to knock on the door and tell him it was time to move on.

It’s hard not to latch onto the bitterness and let it fester inside you. Especially when there’s such a lack of love in your life. Jungkook shut down, made a bubble around himself of anger and hatred. He’d get into it with his fake siblings, with his fake parents. With anyone that looked at him wrong. He got into sports and started working out as a way to avoid home and clear his mind. He got bigger, more intimidating. People started leaving him alone.

Then in seventh grade, he saw a small boy get cornered by a group of guys much bigger than him. He didn’t even hesitate before getting right in the middle of it, blocking the boy with his body and staring them down until they backed off. That was the day he met Jimin. The day he figured out that his strength could in fact be put to good use. Jimin introduced him to Tae and it didn’t take long for the two to break down his walls. To show him that there were in fact people in this world that cared about him. That he could care about too.

When he met the rest of the guys, he found himself feeling angry less often. Smiling more. Laughing even. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed so much. They were his escape from the real world. The ones that kept him going. That kept him sane. He wanted to protect them with everything he had. Protect Jimin from the darkness that enshrouded him at school.

*

“Out!”

“Fine!”

Jungkook slammed the front door to his house behind him and slung his backpack over his shoulder. His ears burned under the hood of his sweatshirt and hot tears glazed his eyes, threatening to spill over the moment he blinked. It seemed like more and more this was the way he’d leave. With a shouting match between he and his fake dad and then a slam of the door.

Jimin’s mom’s car idled on the curb, Jimin sitting in the passenger seat, his eyes following Jungkook as he trudged toward them.

“Morning, Jungkook,” Jimin’s mom said when Jungkook slid into the backseat.

“Morning,” he uttered and sniffed hard to keep the tears from spilling over. When his eyes were finally dry, he looked up, catching Jimin staring in the rear view mirror. The older boy’s forehead was creased, the corners of his eyes dipped low with concern. Jungkook turned his head, tearing his gaze from his friend’s and watched the houses rush by through the window. Then he felt his phone buzz in his pocket and he pulled it out.

Jimin: fake dad?

Jungkook glanced up again to see that Jimin’s eyes were still trained on him through the mirror. With a sigh, he looked back down at his screen, his fingers typing out an answer.

JK: yea. im fine tho.

Jimin: ok

It was obvious Jimin didn’t believe him but Jungkook was an impenetrable fortress that chose when to let people in and when to keep them locked out. He didn’t like talking about his home life, especially to Jimin. The boy had enough to worry about with school and Jiho and therapy. The last thing he needed was to be triggered by Jungkook and his miserable situation. Jimin had always been an empathetic soul, though. And maybe that was why Jungkook had been drawn to him from the start. Jungkook was comfortable around him. He felt understood even though Jimin knew very little. The only other person in the group he’d opened up to was Yoongi.

Yoongi.

The older boy had been like a big brother to him. Like a father. A protector. A home. His words still resonated in Jungkook’s head, bouncing around in his skull like a ricocheting bullet. I don’t want you anymore. He never thought he’d hear that from Yoongi. His fake dad had drilled it into him that he wasn’t actually wanted. That they only took in a fourteen year old with a temper because they knew he’d be easier to manage than their younger wards. And money was money. As long as they kept him fed and clothed, they would receive a check every month. He expected that from them. But not Yoongi. Never Yoongi.

He hadn’t believed he’d heard his hyung right at first. That, for some reason, his ears had interpreted what the boy had said incorrectly. That maybe his mind had been playing tricks on him. But then the words hit him like a sledgehammer to the chest, bruising his ribcage and crushing his lungs. They’d left him breathless.

You don’t want me anymore? He’d had to be sure. Yoongi couldn’t have said it. Couldn’t have meant to say something that he knew would cause so much damage to the younger boy. That would leave him feeling so broken. So worthless. You heard me. And he had. And he heard him for weeks after that. Those words. Those words that pierced him to the core. That extinguished his spirit and left him groping around in darkness.

I don’t want you anymore.

Leaving Yoongi’s house that night, he’d wandered the streets for a while, his anger and hurt slowly fading to numbness. And now he only ever felt one of the two. When he was angry he wanted to punch something or someone and when he was numb, he wanted to feel pain. Just needed to feel something.

He lashed out even more at his foster parents. At the other kids in the house. At his teachers and students at school. He got in a lot of fights. Provoked classmates and rough looking strangers on the streets. He was lucky no one ever pulled a knife or a gun on him. Though maybe he secretly hoped someone would.

*

“Why don’t you stay at my house tonight?” Jimin asked once they’d gotten to school and his mom’s car had pulled away from the curb. “Friday night’s pizza night.”

“You know I can’t turn down pizza night,” Jungkook replied, the corner of his mouth twitching up into a small smirk. Just the prospect of not having to go back to his fake family after school was enough to lighten his mood a bit. Just a bit, though. Yoongi’s words still dragged him down into the icy depths of a dark ocean, but the thought of staying at Jimin’s house at least gave him a chance to break the surface and take in a breath before being pulled back down again.

School had never really been a problem for Jungkook. He’d always stayed pretty much in the middle academically. Never getting straight A’s but never getting below a C. It kept his fake parents and the teachers off his back which was all that mattered to him. Though now with Taehyung no longer at school as he awaited his trial, Jungkook was having to rush from his classes that he didn’t share with Jimin to meet the boy, sometimes forgetting to turn in his homework or stopping by his locker to grab his books for his next class. He was starting to fall a bit behind and his grades were reflecting it.

Jiho had left them pretty much alone for a while now. Sure, Jungkook saw him in the halls and sometimes would catch him just looking at Jimin but it seemed like making Jimin miserable was no longer on his agenda. Maybe he’d finally gotten bored of tormenting him. Though Jungkook wasn’t stupid enough to let his guard down, even for a second.

*

“I’m sorry I forgot Tae’s homework,” Jimin said as he walked quickly down the hall toward his locker. He’d been bringing work to Taehyung so the boy would still be able to graduate on time. “I don’t know why I didn’t grab it before class. I guess I was just in such a rush. It was stupid.”

“It’s fine, Jiminie,” Jungkook said. He almost had to jog to keep up. The boy was so much smaller than him, how was he covering so much ground so quickly?

“I’ve just been stressed out ever since Tae got arrested and all that crap and now you’re having to work twice as hard and I just—” he stopped in front of his locker, hand hovering over the combination dial. He squeezed his eyes shut with a sigh then looked up at Jungkook. “I’m sorry I’m so weak, Jungkook-ah.”

Jungkook sucked in a breath, words of assurance at the back of his throat when he heard a locker slam a bit further down the hall. He and Jimin turned to find Jiho, by himself, coming toward them. Where were his friends?

“So the rumors are true, then,” Jiho said, his dark eyes sparkling as he leaned against the locker next to Jungkook. “Your other guard dog got sent to the pound.”

Jungkook was in Jiho’s face in a second, teeth bared. “Don’t talk about Tae like that,” he growled.

The bully’s eyes widened in fear for just a second before narrowing to slits, a devilish grin pulling his mouth upward. “Or what?” he asked quietly. “You can’t touch me. Not here anyway.”

“Wanna bet?” Jungkook asked, stepping forward again, forcing Jiho to back up against the locker.

Jiho let out a dark chuckle. “You want to hit me so bad right now, don’t you, Pitt-bull?”

He had no idea.

Jungkook could feel the muscle in his arm tightening and contracting with each clench of his fist. He wanted so badly to slam his knuckles against Jiho’s skull. Make him think twice before ever even looking Jimin’s way again. He was so sick of seeing the fear, the exhaustion, the misery in Jimin’s eyes every day when he’d come to school. Even though graduation was less than two months away, it still wasn’t close enough. Jungkook didn’t know if Jimin was going to make it. He already looked skinnier than he had even just a month ago. Much longer and he’d wither away to nothing. Disappear completely. All because of this worthless piece of trash grinning up at Jungkook. He’d been feeling so cold, so empty since Yoongi had abandoned him. But now fire built in his gut. Flames licked up his chest. Burned his throat and set his eyes ablaze. If there was one thing he knew how to do, it was protect his friends. And this worm was still threatening one of them.

He’d had enough.

“Come on, Jungkook,” Jiho uttered so only he could hear. “There aren’t any teachers around. Hit me.”

Jungkook felt a cold hand on his arm, fingers curling around his bicep. “Jungkook-ah.” Jimin’s small voice was barely audible over the sound of Jungkook’s heart crashing in his ears. “Come on. He’s not worth it.”

Jungkook turned his head to look at his friend. At his tired face. At his pallid skin. His hollowed cheeks. The boy looked like he hadn’t felt happiness in years, yet somehow he still managed to greet him every morning with a smile. How was this boy still alive?

“You’re right, Jimin,” Jungkook said and glanced back at Jiho. “He’s not worth it.” Then he turned to meet his friend’s eyes again. “But you are.”

Before Jimin could stop him, Jungkook reared back and threw his fist forward. It connected with a sickening crack against Jiho’s cheekbone, sending the boy crashing to the ground on his hands and knees. A thick stream of bloody saliva dripped from his mouth and he spit onto the linoleum floor before looking back up to meet Jungkook’s eyes. His face split in a wide, red stained grin.

“Jungkook, what did you do?” Jimin whispered from behind him.

When he turned to look at him, Jungkook’s eyes caught on someone over his shoulder. Principal Song approached with two of Jiho’s friends trailing behind him.

He’d been set up. Of course Jiho and his friends had planned this. Anything to get Jimin’s second guard dog in trouble and out of the picture.

“What on earth is going on here?” Principal Song asked, his face red with anger.

Jiho’s friends rushed forward to help the injured boy up and he stumbled a bit, playing up that he was really hurt. And he probably was. Jungkook had hit him pretty hard.

“He just hit me, Principal Song-nim,” Jiho said weakly. “Just straight up punched me in the face.”

“Don’t even pretend you didn’t provoke him, Jiho,” Jimin snapped from behind Jungkook then looked at the principal. “He was just defending me.”

“Jungkook,” Principal Song barked.

Jungkook hadn’t said a word or moved a muscle since first seeing the man coming toward him. The fire in his gut raged on, leaving his shoulders heaving and his heart pounding. His eyes drilled into the man as his fists clenched tighter. He could feel where the skin on one of his knuckles had split when it came in contact with Jiho’s face.

Jiho. He wanted to make the boy suffer as much as he’d made Jimin suffer since middle school. He wanted to make him wish he’d never said a word to Jimin. Never laid hands on him. Jungkook wanted to kill him.

“Did you hit this student?” the principal asked gesturing toward the cowering Jiho.

Finally, Jungkook pulled in a steady breath to speak. “Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because he told me to.”

Principal Song opened his mouth but nothing came out. He obviously hadn’t expected to hear that answer and now he flapped his mouth a few more times like a fish, his eyes darting back and forth between the injured boy and the one that had injured him. At last, he gathered his thoughts. “We have a strict no violence policy here. You were all made well aware of that at the beginning of the year. Did you forget?”

Jungkook clenched his jaw. “No,” he said through gritted teeth.

“So what made you do it?”

“He’s been harassing Jimin since sixth grade.” Jungkook said coldly. “Where’ve you been?”

Again, the principal was stricken speechless. It took him just a few seconds to regain his composure. “You not liking the way we do things does not justify taking matters into your own hands.” Then Principal Song turned to Jiho and his friends. “Please escort Jiho to the nurse and then all of you get to class.” He waited as they made their way down the hall and disappeared around the corner. Then he turned to Jungkook. “You know the rules, young man. You’ll need to come with me. Back to class, Jimin.”

Jungkook watched a look of horror pass over Jimin’s face as the principal took Jungkook by the shoulder and led him away. He craned his neck around, keeping his eyes locked on Jimin’s until they turned the corner. Dread filled his own stomach. If he was suspended, how would he be able to protect Jimin? He turned his head to look back at the principal.

“Principal Song-Nim, you can’t suspend me. Jimin can’t—”

“The staff will do whatever we can to keep our students safe,” the man replied sternly. “He will be fine without you.”

That was it. Jungkook ripped his shoulder out of the principal’s hand and turned to face him. The boy was eye level with the man but more muscular and he couldn’t help but feel a flash of cruel satisfaction when Principal Song took a slight step backward.

“This school has done nothing to make Jimin feel safe,” Jungkook growled. “Something is going to happen to him while I’m gone. Just watch. And when it does, I’m not going after Jiho and his lackeys. I’m coming after you.”

Principal Song’s eyes narrowed to shining black slits. “That sounded like a threat, Jeon Jungkook,” he said. “And threats will not be tolerated at this school.” Then he straightened up, standing eye to eye once again with the boy. “You’re no longer suspended.”

“Wai—”

“You’re expelled.”

Jungkook could feel the anger churning in his belly like an ocean in a hurricane. His fists clenched at his sides and his jaw became prominent as he ground his teeth together.

“Now, if you don’t want the police to get involved, I suggest getting off school grounds immediately.”

Jungkook watched out of the tops of his eyes as the man turned and strolled away and into his office. The whole inner wall was glass so Jungkook could see him go all the way across the room to sit at his oak desk. When the principal was finally seated, he looked up, locking eyes with Jungkook before reaching slowly for the phone. Obviously, he’d been serious when he said he’d call the police on Jungkook if he didn’t leave right then. What else could Jungkook do but go? He couldn’t go back to tell Jimin what happened. He couldn’t return the next week to walk him to his classes. It was over.

With a defeated sigh, his angry expression fell and his eyes slid from the principal’s down to the floor as he trudged toward the exit. What was he going to tell Jimin?

*

Jungkook waited at the bus stop across the street from the school until the students were let out at the end of the day. He couldn’t risk being caught on the property and getting the cops called on him, so when he finally saw Jimin coming out the front doors, he jumped to his feet and waited anxiously there on the other side of the crosswalk like a dog at the end of his leash. His eyes followed the boy closely, never straying as Jimin pulled his hood up over his faded orange hair. He watched him make his way across the street, his hands jammed deep into the pocket of his hoodie. Watched him glance his way before shaking his head and trudging past him down the sidewalk.

Jungkook knew he looked ridiculous trailing after the boy like a puppy but he couldn’t help it. He needed to apologize. Needed to explain. Needed Jimin to stop ignoring him. Please, just stop ignoring him.

“Jiminie, just stop for a second. Please,” Jungkook finally said, grabbing the smaller boy’s arm and spinning him around to face him.

“Why did you hit him, Jungkook?” Jimin asked. He set his jaw in a hard line, his eyes drilling into Jungkook’s and for the first time, Jungkook actually felt intimidated by his icy stare. “Well?”

With a sigh, Jungkook looked back at the school again. It was several blocks away now. Jimin had gone pretty far before Jungkook caught up to him. “I just need to tell you something…”

“Yes, please do, Jungkook,” Jimin said. “Tell me exactly what you were thinking. Tell me why you thought it would be a good idea to punch Jiho at school when you know that they’ve been cracking down on their whole no violence policy, which is a load of crap, by the way, since apparently Jiho doesn’t even need to touch me to mess with me every day. And now, you’ve gone and gotten yourself suspended so what—”

“Expelled.”

Jimin went silent.

Jungkook didn’t want to meet his eyes. He kicked at a clump of moss sticking up from between a crack in the sidewalk. Stuffed his hands in his pockets and grabbed at the lint that had collected in the seams. Rolled his tongue against his cheek. Until finally, the silence was too heavy to bear and he had to look up.

Jimin’s icy facade had melted, leaving a stricken expression on his pale face. His lips were slightly parted, his shoulders heaving and then his fingers flew up into his hair and panic filled his eyes. “Y-you what?”

Immediately, Jungkook wished he could take everything back. Wished he hadn’t let Jiho’s comment about Taehyung get to him. Wished he’d controlled the fire raging in him. Wished he’d fought the urge to hit him. Wished he hadn’t just uttered the one word that could make his friend suddenly look so scared.

Jimin’s breathing turned ragged and he raked his quivering hands down his face. “Expelled?” he cracked. “You got expelled? I won’t have you? I won’t have Tae? Jiho will…” He staggered, almost crashing into the bushes lining the sidewalk if not for Jungkook reaching out and grabbing him. The boy’s skin felt clammy, his whole body trembling. Jungkook had seen his friend have plenty of anxiety attacks but this was completely different. A panic attack worse than any he’d ever had.

“It’ll be okay, Jiminie,” Jungkook whispered as he sank down onto the curb, enveloping the boy in his arms, letting him crumble into his chest as he descended further into panic. “I’ll figure it out. You won’t be alone. It’ll be okay.” Jungkook knew he was making empty promises. He wasn’t allowed back on school property. Tae wasn’t going back to school, at the very least, until after his trial and that was only if he was found not guilty. And even then, school would be over anyway. Jimin was right. He was all alone. And it was Jungkook’s fault.

*

It had been almost eight years since he lost his parents and the memories, the details, had faded over time. But sometimes, out of nowhere, his mom or dad’s face would appear in his mind with startling detail, leaving him breathless.

This time it was a dream that they appeared to him in. More of a nightmare, really. He could see the crash happening. Hear the collision. The jarring sound of tires squealing, brakes seizing, glass and metal crumpling. He saw his mom’s terror-filled eyes and heard her scream his name. And then he woke up.

It took him a second to realize he was laying on the floor in Jimin’s room instead of sprawling across the backseat of a car. A layer of cold sweat coated his naked torso and matted his hair down to his forehead.

He heard a groan just then and watched as Jimin’s arm stirred where it lay slung over the edge of his mattress. “Jungkook-ah?”

“I’m fine,” Jungkook said sitting up and pressing his palms into his eyes. “Just had a nightmare, Jiminie. Go back to sleep.”

With another barely-awake groan, Jimin rolled over to face the wall. Jungkook peered at him from over the edge of the bed. The boy’s blankets had slipped off of him in the night and now he lay curled into a ball, his cotton pants riding up his legs to expose his boney ankles. He was so small. Too small.

Jungkook got up quietly and tugged Jimin’s blanket back in place over his body. The boy nuzzled his pillow, never opening his eyes but letting out a contented sigh. At least he seemed to be having good dreams. With a sharp breath to clear his head, Jungkook reached for his shirt and tugged it on then grabbed his hoodie and slipped from the room quietly.

The whole house was dark and silent, the place awash in cold, blue light cast by the streetlamp that filtered in through the filmy curtains covering the windows. Jimin’s house was nice. Not super nice like Jin’s, but homey, comfortable. Jungkook felt a stab of jealousy in his gut as he made his way to the entryway where his shoes were. He passed walls lined with photos of Jimin in different stages of growing up. Family photos and birthday photos and school photos. Jungkook hadn’t lived in a house where his picture adorned a wall in a long time. Having been shuffled from one place to the next so many times had made him forget what it was even like to have a place to call his. Sure, he’d been with his current caretakers for a few years now but he’d never go so far as to call those people his family or that house his home.

After pulling his shoes on, Jungkook unlocked and opened the front door quietly. It was unusually warm for a spring night but Jungkook welcomed the feeling of the wind on his face. He’d woken up with goosebumps dotting his skin and this was the comfort he needed to wash away the image of his mom’s terror-filled eyes.

He often went for walks when he needed to clear his head. So much had happened that day that this walk was necessary. Heck, the past several months had been nothing but one hit after another. From Taehyung killing his dad to getting arrested, to Yoongi suddenly flipping out on Jin and tossing Jungkook out like a piece of trash. Jungkook sucked in a sharp breath at that last thought.

He’d made it to the end of Jimin’s street, past the mini mart and out onto the main road that ran through the city. He wasn’t sure where he was headed but it didn’t really matter anyway. He could go on forever and no one would miss him. He already was nothing but a burden on the people that knew him. And he’d let down the only one that didn’t see him as such.

After hearing the same words for the past eight years of his life, that he was only as good as the money he brought in, that he needed to stop relying on others to take care of him, that he needed to grow up and be a man, it was hard to not believe it was all true. And then there was Jimin. His best friend and the boy that relied on him more than anyone else. The boy that trusted him to keep him safe and he’d failed. Failed at his one responsibility.

Jungkook cut across the street and around a corner. The school loomed in front of him, its tall, white stone clocktower raising up to pierce the sky like a blade. Jungkook sat down on the bench he’d waited for Jimin on earlier in the day and rested his head in his hands.

That dream had really shaken him. Had brought everything back. And now the hole in his chest that had finally begun to shrink with time felt gaping again. Without any warning, his chest contracted and he let out a sob. Then the tears came.

He buried his face in his arms, crumpling into a ball there on the bench as he cried. His voice echoed down the street, filling the darkness with sounds of anguish. He didn’t know how long he cried but when he finally looked up again, his lungs hurt and his eyes burned.

Jungkook leaned back, resting his head against the back of the bench so he could look up at the sky. The city lights washed out most of the stars but the brightest ones were still visible. Shining and twinkling the way stars do, completely unaware or maybe uncaring of the trivial problems of humans. Stars have much bigger things to worry about.

With a heavy sigh Jungkook got up again. The air had cooled significantly since he left Jimin’s house and now he hunched his shoulders forward and shoved his hands deep into his pockets to brace himself against the chill. He was exhausted and only now did he regret leaving the house in the first place. It was going to be a long, cold walk back.

He didn’t even see the car flying down the road toward him. The driver apparently didn’t see him either because they didn’t even attempt to slow down before plowing into him. The whole thing happened so quickly that Jungkook didn’t know it until he landed on the road on his back with a sickening crunch. The impact ripped all of the air from his lungs and he lay there for several panicking seconds as he tried to will them to expand again. When he finally was able to pull in a breath, he knew something was wrong. He couldn’t inhale right. When he tried to move his legs, they wouldn’t budge. He couldn’t feel anything. Something was definitely wrong.

His heart pounded in his chest and he could hear how ragged and shallow his breathing was. His vision blurred with every beat. The air grew thick and suddenly he felt like he was drowning. Panic washed over him like a wave and his unfocused eyes watched as the surface grew more and more distant. He was sinking further. Falling into the dark depths of the unknown.

Please, no. Please, not here. Not like this.

Jungkook could feel himself being tugged further down and he grit his teeth, struggling against current. No matter how hard he struggled, he couldn’t fight it. He could feel his energy draining. Feel his heartbeat weakening. The sound of it slowing seemed to surround him until it was all he could hear. Until there was nothing but him, floating in this black ocean, listening to his dying pulse.

Please…not like this.

He thought of Jimin, sleeping peacefully in his bed. He thought of Tae who still constantly wore that haunted look on his face. Of Hoseok and how lifeless he’d become. Of Namjoon and how much he beat himself up over letting Tae down. Of Yoongi.

“Yoongi.”

The name left Jungkook’s lips in a cracked wheeze. His throat constricted and it took him several more seconds and too much energy to force the muscles to relax so he could breathe again.

What he wouldn’t give to see Yoongi again. He just wanted to hear his voice. Wanted to hear him assure him that everything would be okay. That he would get through this. That what happened with Jimin wasn’t his fault. Though he knew it was.

I don’t want to die alone.

A sob broke free of Jungkook’s throat and he took in another gasping breath before plunging below the surface of the dark ocean again. Memories of his life floated around him in the darkness. As if watching silent movies on a projector, his eyes roved over the familiar scenes. Of when he met Jimin, and the rest of the guys. When they had their first beach day. Of one of the many parties at Yoongi’s where Jungkook spent the whole time on the couch stuffed between Jimin and Tae while playing video games. Of the first time he went to Yoongi after his fake dad told him he was worthless. Yoongi pulling him in for a hug, his arms holding Jungkook’s broken pieces together. And finally, his eyes fell on a memory. A memory of him and his parents the night before his seventh birthday when the three of them were making cupcakes and he and his dad ended up getting into a frosting fight.

He focused on his parents’ faces. On the laugh lines creasing the corners of his mom’s eyes. On the gray flecks of scruff peppering his dad’s chin. These were the things he had forgotten over the years. The things that were so vivid and real to him now.

Suddenly the thought of dying didn’t terrify him anymore. Now, instead, Jungkook could only feel an undeniable sense of peace. He’d finally get to be with his parents. He’d finally have a family again. He was so close to the edge, he could feel it.

At last, he opened his eyes. The black sky stretched above him and through the blurry film of tears, he could still make out the stars. Now they didn’t seem like cold, uncaring orbs of light in the distance. They were much closer. So close he’d be able to reach out and brush them with his fingertips if he had the strength.

Kook-ah. What do you think you’re doing?

Jungkook blinked hard and sighed. “Yoongi-hyung?” he uttered, his words drawn out and slurred. He could feel himself fading fast.

Just hold on, Kook. Just keep fighting.

Jungkook’s heart rate plunged again, his thoughts suddenly foggy. It was getting harder to breathe. “I-I can’t…hyung.”

Do it for us, Kook. Please. Do it for Jimin.

“It’s…too…” Jungkook could feel himself drifting in and out of consciousness, “late…for Jimin.”

Bull.

A puff of air escaped his nose in a weak laugh. He couldn’t help feeling a twinge of sadness at the thought of leaving his friends behind. He felt the warmth of fresh tears spring to his eyes when he thought about the moments he’d shared with them. The parties, the jokes, the meals at the diner. He’d had nothing until he met them, and then they were his everything. He couldn’t leave without saying goodbye.

With his teeth gritted against the pain, Jungkook slid his arm along the pavement, scraping the exposed skin of his wrist across the ground as he reached for his pocket. His energy was draining fast and he knew he didn’t have much longer. By the time his fingers brushed the hem of his pocket, he was breathing hard. Just a little bit further. A choked sob fell from his lips when he realized his pocket was empty. His phone wasn’t there.

Exhausted, he let his head fall to the side, his fading vision landing on the cracked black device sitting next to him. He felt like he was going to cry with relief. His arm was too heavy to lift and for a few seconds he stared helplessly at his phone, the sound of his heartbeat slowing in his ears. But then he pulled in a breath.

“Hey Siri,” he wheezed and then waited with bated breath until at last, the screen of his phone came to life and his mouth nudged up into a weak, triumphant smile. ��Call…” Who could he call? “Call Seokjin,” he finally said. As the screen changed, he waited, closing his eyes and letting the sound of the ringing fill his head. It took four agonizing rings before Jungkook heard the sound of someone answering.

“Hello?”

Jungkook’s face crumpled at the sound of the familiar voice and he couldn’t bring himself to speak.

“Hello?” Jin’s voice echoed again. “Jungkook-ah?”

Jungkook sucked in as deep of a breath as he could. “Hyung?” he cracked.

“Jungkook-ah? Do you know what time it is? Are you okay?”

Jungkook opened his mouth to respond but instead, a sob pushed its way out.

“Jungkook? What happened? What’s wrong?” The older boy’s voice rose with panic.

“I tried, hyung” he whispered letting his cheek fall to the pavement. He squeezed his eyes shut as another cry tumbled out. “I failed. I failed Jimin…”

“You what? Jungkook, where are you? What happened?”

“I failed Yoongi-hyung…”

On the other end of the line, Jungkook could hear faint rustling sounds as Jin got out of bed and started fumbling around in his room. “Just stay on the line with me. Where are you?”

Jungkook took in a wheezing breath as his surroundings began to fade. He tried to keep his eyes focused on the glowing screen of his phone where it lay close to his head. He couldn’t feel his body anymore. He couldn’t feel the cold air, or the rumbling pavement. He couldn’t hear the sirens in the distance or the fact that they were growing closer.

“Just tell the guys I love them. Tell them I’m sorry,” he whispered as the tears slipped past his eyelashes and slid down his cheek.

“Jungkook, stop,” Jin cracked. “Don’t talk like that. Just tell me where you are.”

Jungkook tried to open his mouth again, tried to draw in another breath but he was too tired. Too far gone. Instead, he closed his eyes, listening to Jin go on, his voice distorting as he yelled into the receiver. At least he wasn’t alone anymore.

[aescapisms]

disconnected (5)

pairing: sebastian stan x reader

wordcount: 3,197

warning: angst. so. much. angst. and stupidity. they’re. so. stupid. 

a/n: TAGLIST IS OPEN!!! SEND ME AND ASK :)) i think i have two chapters left tho ahhahahahah 

taglist: @berruneko09 @vechkinfan @ria132love @haha-barnes @fantasticsofa  

Two months.

You haven’t seen him for two months. You had been on the road and filmed for different shows be it a sit com or an interview or even for a freaking tv series. Despite not seeing each other face to face, you and Sebastian still talked every time that you guys can. He was always complaining that he missed your cooking and you kept on insisting that you would teach him how to cook over face time or that he could just ask Margarita to cook for him. But then he would just always laugh and tell you that she doesn’t know how to cook or talk about something else entirely.

You had no idea why he was acting that way regarding Margarita, the last he spoke of her with you was to tell you that it would be okay if you stayed since he had already talked to her about it. And that was it, conversation over. You didn’t bother asking what changed her mind especially that it had worked out in your favor and besides you didn’t want to stick your nose in other people’s business so you stayed away from the topic and that was that.

“Hey guys!” You shouted at the crowd in front of you. They replied with screams and you laughed, “Alright I just want to say a few things. So I know you all know that this is the last song for the very last set of my first tour. I just want you guys to know how happy I am that you have supported me through out this venture.” They screamed louder when you smiled and played the first few notes of the very first song that you had released which you had dedicated to your fans. “I never really thought that I would be able to do these kinds of tour you know? I just thought I’d be playing at a bar or something but you guys… You guys made this possible and I can never thank you enough for making my dreams come true.”

As you stared at the crowd of five thousand people, you can’t help but tear up. “I’ve never felt more loved.” Everyone ‘Awwed’ but then laughed when you immediately said “Except for my Mom of course. I love you mom.”

“Whenever I stand on a stage and look at you guys, all of my doubts and fears just vanishes. You guys lift me up every single time and I hope that whenever you listen to this song, I could do the same for you.”

You let the crowd sing the last verse of the song, their voices echoing inside the ballroom and you stared at them as they finished it with tears in your eyes, then bowed when it was over. “I am Y/N, and thank you so much for being here!”

You headed out to the dressing room where everyone was waiting for you with a cake and balloons in order to celebrate the last leg of the tour. And then you cried because you were going to miss everyone that had been with you for the past few months. “Hey, at least you can rest for a while right?” Ryan told you and laughed.

Before leaving you talked to Ryan and told him to take everyone to a bar to celebrate, it’ll be a gift from you to them. “Are you not coming?”

You shook your head “I have to prepare for the audition the day after tomorrow. I have to go home.”

“Alright, you take care. Darling I am so proud of you.” You hugged him and told him to bring  Marian to the after party, “Oh yes. She is going to kill me but she told me to tell you that she is so proud of you to be able to do anything with me as your manager.”

Getting into your new car, that sponsorship form Honda really had its perks, you drove home, to that apartment in the heart of the city with a certain blue eyed man.

“Hey Sebby.”  you greeted when you saw him at the dining table reading.

He stared at you for a few seconds and then suddenly he was up on his feet on his way to you.

“I missed you!” He exclaimed while hugging you. You patted his back and laughed. “I missed you too big guy. You look good with that scruff by the way.”

He smiled and grabbed your bag, “Here let me help you. Have you eaten?” He placed your bags in your room and then he went back to sit on the couch with you.

“So, how are you?” He asked “Have you been eating properly you look thinner.”

“Yes Sebby, I’ve been eating properly.” You laughed at him but he still looked concerned. “Everything is okay, the trip was good, better that I had imagined. How about you? Everything okay?”

He nodded, “Except for your homemade foods? Yeah, I’ve been okay. But when you left I’m not gonna lie, the house got real lonely. Anyway, you should probably rest, you look tired.”

“Yeah, I really am. But its the good kind of tired.” You kicked yourself mentally when you saw Sebastian’s face when you said that “I didnt mean for it to come out that way. its just that— I really don’t have any exp—.” Before you could finish your sentence your stomach grumbled.

“YOU SAID YOU WE’RENT HUNGRY”

“I DIDNT WANT TO COOK”

“Damn it. Stay here, I’m gonna fix something up.” Sebby left and went straight to the kitchen to try and cook you something that would be fast yet still be edible to eat. He had no idea when you were going to be back. And he’s not fooling anyone if he said that he didn’t miss you because he did. He opted to cook ramen, it was the easiest and fastest thing to cook but when he finished, you were already sleeping. Walking towards the dining table he placed the food on top of the script pages sprawled across it. After a while he walked towards you and just stared at your face. You looked peaceful, like nothing had ever bother you in your life.  

Chris had told Sebastian to tell you everything. About the break up with Margarita, about his real line of work,  and about his feelings for you. Sebastian told Chris that he doesn’t see you that way. He doesn’t want to be with you that way. He doesn’t want to wake up to you every single day for the rest of his life. He doesn’t want to give you flowers and take you out to dinner, a fancy one where you’ll both complain about the cutlery. He doesn’t want to kiss your lips and say the words ‘I love you’. No, he doesn’t want to be with you that way. At least, that is what he keeps on telling himself. Because you like Chris, not him. And he knows that Chris liked you too.

Sebastian watched as you lunged at Chris and yelled “CHRIS I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL KILL YOU AND EVERYTHING THAT YOU LOVE.” His laughter filled the whole apartment as he ran around with your arms wrapped around his chest. After a while Chris replied with “Will you kill yourself then?”

Sebastian had never been shot, or hit by a truck but if he had, he expects that it would feel that way. But there wasn’t anything that he could do about that. Sebastian was nothing like Chris, he had accepted that. And so he didn’t bother to tell you anything. He had decided that being your friend would be better than you leaving him forever. As long as you’re happy, he will be.

Gently lifting you up from the couch, he carefully walked towards your room and put you to bed. He closed the door and went back to reading the script for the Destroyer, the next film he’s about to do and the filming starts next week.

‘As long as you’re happy.’

Sebastian woke you up at noon. You had missed breakfast and he didn’t want you to miss lunch, you had definitely lost weight and that really didn’t sit well with him.

“Thank you for this Sebby. I thought you didn’t know how to cook.” You told him as the both of you were eating some curry.

“I can cook okay? I just don’t like cooking that much.” He said as he grabbed your glass to put water in it. “I’m sorry for waking you up. Its just that you didn’t get to eat dinner and breakfast. I was kinda worried that something might happen to you.”

“I’ve been through worse believe me. Missing two meals won’t kill me. I’ve had days where all I would eat is a burger and hey, I’m still here ain’t I?” You said that hoping that he wouldn’t be worried but it only did the exact opposite. “WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU DO THAT?” He yelled that led to a a thirty minute lecture.

While you were washing the dishes Sebby went back to his room and grabbed a couple of papers which you had recognized from last night. “What’s that?” You asked him when you sat across opposite him.

“Just some notes for work.” He answered and shrugged. You smiled and didn't say anything else, you had let him continue working while you went on and checked your email. A few of them were from different companies, some of them were spam some were audition schedules.

“Hey, any plans for tonight?” He asked you. You just stared at him, “Stev—I mean Chris and I are planning to go to this bar was wondering if you wanted to tag along?”

“Who’s Steve?” His middle name. You shook your head and laughed, “I am not good with alcohol. So, I’ll just stay back here and besides I need to go to work tomorrow. You boys have fun, tell Chris I said hi.”

“Are you sure? I can look out for you, you know? I won’t let anything happen to you.”

You wanted to go but, you can’t risk of dragging them into the mess that is your life. A few pictures with them in a bar and the press won’t stop pestering the three of them about it.

When Sebastian left you decided to take that time to practice the lines that you will be needing for the audition tomorrow. Ryan had told you the news before your last show ended, apparently Robert Singer saw your acting in the Good Doctor and wanted to cast you on the show. You will be playing the role of Eris, a half-human half-demon in the show. You had watched some of the few seasons of Supernatural but you had stopped because you had to focus on making and learning music and that didn’t really leave you any time to watch t.v shows until the tour started. You took that as an opportunity to catch up on the show in order to be prepared with their universe.

You heard shuffling outside your door, you wondered if Sebastian had come home. Although, that is impossible. He said that he would be back before Christmas and this is way too early. So you took your knife and slowly opened the door. “Hey there Y/N. I’m treating you to a nice birthday experience since Sebby told me that your parents aren’t here.”

“How did you know that its my birthday?”

“Uhm? Because you told me last week via call?”

Oh yeah, you forgot about that. You had been helping Chris for a book that he had been and you really had no idea how the topic went to your birthdays. And now he’s here.

You smiled at him and made your way into the table where he had set up the food. “I’m sorry Seb is not here.”

Pulling up the chair that was infront of you, he sat down then lit the candle on the cake. “I tried to bake one but it turned out to be garbage so I’m not gonna do that to you since you’re my best friend.”

“Thank you, Chris.” You told him after blowing out the candle “And don’t worry about Sebby, he doesn’t know my birthday so I didn’t really expect him to be here.” Your face betrayed your words. You had wanted him to be there and you know that it was wrong but for the past few months that you had been living here, this had been your home and to celebrate your birthday here with him would’ve been amazing but, it just wasn’t meant to be.

“So, after we eat. Where do you want to go? I’ll keep you company since your Prince Charming won’t be here. Till probably next week.”

“I wanted to go to Disneyland but—“

“It won’t be as fun without Seb. I know.” Chris said the words that you were thinking of. “Hey, its just the two of us here. Its okay.”

“I want to go to a beach. Somewhere secluded though, like where no one will care who we are.” Chris’ face lit up and then he assured you that he had the right place. You told him to give you thirty minutes to shower and get dressed so that the both of you can leave immediately.

Sebastian just finished filming his scenes. They started at 10 in the evening and its 6:35 in the morning he hasn’t had sleep or ate anything but it was amazing to be back on a set and film for a movie. When he got to his trailer the first thing he checked was his phone. He was hoping that you had messaged him or something like that, but you can only imagine the look of disappointment in his face when he saw Chris’ name instead of yours.

>>I’m leaving with Y/N. We’re going to the old town.

Sebastian frowned as he re-read the message. Why were you going with him to Old town? Why is Chris taking you there? These kinds of questions ran through his mind but he couldn’t ask Chris that. IF he did, Chris wouldn’t let it go, instead he just replied—

<<Why are you telling me this?

His right leg was bouncing up and down as he waited for Chris’ reply. He remembered the time when Chris told him that Old town was the most romantic place that he could think of. It was filled with old memories and is a great place to start a new one. Oh god. What if Chris confesses to Y/N? What if they kiss?

>>Because I’m a good friend and since she told me that you didn’t know, I’m letting you know. It’s her birthday today. You might want to do something about it.

It was your birthday. And he’s not there to celebrate it with you.

>>look Seb, I know you can’t make it so at least give her a call? She misses you. I can tell.

>>She’s done. We’re leaving.

>>Greet. Her.

Sebastian was pissed, mad at himself because he didn’t even bother asking you about those things. He wanted to celebrate them with you. And now, knowing that you’re celebrating it with Chris? That thought made him jealous. He shouldn’t be feeling this way but he can’t help it when you make it so easy to fall in love with you and at the same time you make it hard for him to be with you. You’re an amazing person and he doesn’t know if you would want to be with someone like him. If you’re willing to step into the limelight and deal with the attacks that the media would most definitely throw at you if the two of you got together.

He just doesn’t think that he’s worth all of that.

Chris woke you up when the two of you arrived at the place. Stepping out of the car you stared in awe at the beautiful scenery infront of you. “My grandfather gave it to me before he died. He asked me to take care of it.” He told you as he opened the back of the pick up alive. Living in the city is great but nothing beats a quiet place like this one. Seb would always ask me to take him here.”

“Sebby’s been here?” you asked him as you sat down and grabbed the beer he was offering.

He nodded and told you that Sebby would either be floating in the water or sitting against a tree reading a book.

It was pretty obvious that no one comes here except for the people that Chris invites. There was a tall gate and fences surrounding the place. The water in the lake reminded you of Sebby’s eyes. They were blue, full of emotions. And just like his eyes, you were so ready to dive in it head first wanting to get lost in its mysteriousness and beauty. The trees surrounding the lake made you feel secure rather than terrified, the cool air ran through your hair and you smiled. Chris did have the right place in mind.

“So, when do you plan to tell Seb that you like him?” You shook your head at the question and then rolled your eyes. “I told you, its not like that Chris.”

“Why are you so scared?” he asked not letting the topic go, you closed your eyes and took a deep breath.

“Because he’s with Margarita, and because even if he’s not with anyone why would anyone want to be with me?”

“Y/N, stop selling yourself short. Besides, Seb had alread—“

“The thing is. I’m not selling myself short. I’m just telling the truth. The people he dated, I mean just looking at Margarita—Jesus, I’m nowhere near his standards okay?”

“What if he likes you?” Chris looked at you with sadness in his eyes that you couldn’t quite figure out why.

“Then he’s stupid, and even then it’ll be scary.”

“Why?”

There was a sad smile in your face, “Because what if I love him too much? Or worse, what if I won’t be able to give him the same amount of love that he’ll give me?”

Chris took your hand and squeezed it, “Y/N, you can’t keep on letting your idea of love ruin love itself. Love is scary and unpredictable and full of heartbreaks but that’s isn’t everything that love is. Love can make you happy, can make you stronger, can make you want to keep going. Why are you so scared to be happy?”

You shrugged taking back your hands you ran then through your hair. “Because when I am, then there will be that inevitable realization that at any given moment that happiness can be taken away from me and..”

“And what?”

“And I don’t know if I could continue living know that there’s someone as amazing as he is  out there. At least if I don’t act on my feelings I won’t have to face that right?”

--

Next Chapter

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

T&L part 8: Determination

Part 7

Word count: 2771

Some people feel like they don’t deserve love. They walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past.

— Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild

3rd person POV

Next morning Arya woke up to find an empty house. There was a note from Emily telling her she made breakfast for her and that both her and Sam were gone for the day.

She had an afternoon shift at the hospital today and it was only eight in the morning. With all the free time she had after breakfast her mind drifted to a certain wolf that haunted both her dreams and reality. With a small sigh and shake of her head she decided she'll need a distraction because he was truly the last thing she wanted to think about. Not only did they barely converse but when they did it was a screaming match with a slap on top of it, but also he was taken and she was most definitely NOT the type to go after someone else's man. She probably wouldn't interest him anyways, because if Rachel is his type, she was far from it.

Turning up the music she washed the dishes and scrubbed the stove clean. Singing „Go your own way“ by Fletwood Mac at the top of her lungs while using the mop as a microphone she cleaned the floor and managed to do a dance (if you can even call it that) combining swaying of her hips, pumping a fist in the air and an occasional jump.

On the other hand, Paul was still sleeping in his wolf form just outside her window and the sound of loud music startled him. Waking up ready to jump at the threat he looked around like a maniac only to realize that the sound was in fact music and coming from the inside. He shifted back and grabbed clothes from a tree nearby and walked inside. Paul was met with a scene of his imprint singing and doing the most ridiculous dance he had ever seen. She was relaxed and free with her body and it only made her look more beautiful and sexy then the day before. Her awkwardness and innocence appealed to him on a different level, but he liked knowing she could let loose and have fun. As she pumped her fist in the air and jumped up a little she almost lost her balance and fell. Her clumsiness made him burst out laughing and she turned around and screamed in shock.

„God, you scared me to death!“

As he continued to double over laughing to the point of tears her cheeks darkened to a crimson color with embarrassment.  

„So how much of that did you see?“ she questioned with a slight crack in her voice.

He was just now catching his breath and finally got a chance to look at her properly. She wore a long black t-shirt with red leggings and grey bunny slippers on her feet. Her hair was raised into a bun on top of her head with a few stray strands escaping and framing her face that was burning red. Beauty she held seemed even more unbelievable in the morning light shinning through the windows showing every line of her make-up free face.

He found himself nervous realizing this would be their first real exchange of words.

„Long enough to see you have some moves, and oh, let's not forget the singing. Daaamn!“ He smirked with a raised eyebrow.

„Oh God“, she used her hands to cover her face, „can we just forget this ever happened, please?“

„Oh, honey, I don't think anything can erase this picture from my memory“ he replies with a playful tone while gesturing to her appearance.

„Okay then, I'm just gonna go and find a hole I can crawl into and die.“

„Not so fast princess. Where are the parents?“

She looks to him with a confused expression „ The parents?“

„Emily and Sam“ he answered in a 'duh' tone.

„Out for the day. I'm here till half past one, but I suppose you guys are allowed inside whenever, am I right?“

„Yeah, so...what's for breakfast?“ he asked not wanting to leave yet.

„There were waffles but you're about twenty minutes late. Just grab something from the fridge while I finish up in here.“

Paul was most definitely not going to tell his imprint he can't cook to save his life so he nodded and walked in thinking he could maybe make some pasta. All he had to do is boil some water, that seemed easy enough. He put a pot with pasta on the stove and turned to observe her. He was so engrossed in her that he didn't smell the burning pasta behind him, but she did. She came running into the kitchen frantically and grabbed a rag to pull the pot of the stove and threw it under the sink. Turning to him with wide eyes she used the most calm voice she could muster at the moment „How does one burn pasta? Better yet, how does one not notice the burning pasta while standing next to the pot? Please explain that to me Paul.“

„You know my name?“ he said in awe like a love-struck puppy.

„Yes I know your name“ she said with annoyance in her voice, „now please explain this enigma to me!“

„I think I, uh, forgot to put water with the pasta and I was just thinking about...a school project I have due soon...yeah a school project....and I just spaced out.“ He started stumbling over his words, nerves of her rejecting him over this thing hitting him full force.

She raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms over her chest with an obvious 'I don't believe a word that just came out of your mouth' face and waited for him to continue enjoying his nervous behavior.

„Okay, I'll just be honest...I can't cook...Like at all...Once I burned water! Ever since then I've been banned from the kitchen.“

She kept her serious face for a few more seconds as a smile started spreading on her face till she couldn't fight any longer and started giggling at his statement, one hand covering her mouth. Her giggles turned into a full blown contagious laughter causing him to laugh with her, both of them sliding to the floor. After a few minutes both of them wiped their tears and finally took a few deep breaths sharing a look that sent chills down their spines.

She was the first one to snap out of it remembering he has a girlfriend „How does bacon and eggs sound?“

„Sound good...really good“, he replies still watching her face intently. He gets up and offers her a hand to pull her up. As their hands touch the heat from his fingers creeps into her consciousness blurring everything around them while the soft touch of her skin caused him to crave more than just her hand to hold.

She turns around and starts working on breakfast for Paul trying to put herself back together while he just leans on the wall behind her thinking how much he was losing the battle with the bond. The worst thing is, it wasn't just the bond anymore, he actually liked her. Sure the bond made him want to be near her, but the small bit she revealed of herself already got him intoxicated. He knew her barely a day and a half and she was already running through his veins.

Everything about her is captivating, just like the aftermath of a storm, he thought.

They were both silent as she gave him his meal and it continued while he ate.

She looked to the clock and saw she still had a few hours to kill before work.

„So, do you really have a school project to finish?“ she asked as he finished his breakfast and leaned back.

„Not really, more like a ton of homework I never get to do since I shifted.“

„Do you want me to help you? I'm pretty good with school.“

„Yeah, why not? Gotta warn you tho', I suck at all things involving school. But also I don't have my things with me right now. Maybe we can work on it later.“

„Sure, maybe others could use my help too.“ He felt a tingle of jealousy for he didn't want to share his time with anyone.

 „Why aren't you in school right now? You don't have patrol.“ She stated.

„I was on patrol last night“, he lied.

„Right..“ He could tell she was suspicious. How was she able to read him so easily?

��How about you tell me something about you then? Since all of you know my story, I'd like to get to know you better as well.“

Paul nods. His story began with his family. Sharing the story of how his mother left his father and him for another man and how he had to move back to La Push. Continuing on the part how he shifted and met Sam and Jared conveniently leaving out the part where he was a player and about his relationship with Rachel.

Sometime around noon she was paged to the E.R. and she grabbed her bag not changing her clothes and ran to her car with Paul following her close behind.

As she came to the car she stopped and saw just how damaged 'Seal' really was. With all the excitement yesterday she completely forgot to check the damage Paul caused during his fit. There were large dents on the hood with a few cracks, broken left headlight and side view mirror, her left tire flat. She turned to look at him with anger rolling of her in waves with a dark look that made him want to run and hide. Guess I'm already whipped, he thought, and now I'm going to die, he concluded.

She took a few deep breaths before speaking, „My car is totaled, how am I supposed to get to work? I was paged and being paged means people are dying and I AM VERY MUCH NEEDED!“

He just stood there looking at her blankly for a few moments. „Wait here, I'll be back in a minute“, he said and ran off.

Three minutes passed and she was pacing outside the house. Suddenly a navy blue truck came driving so fast she though it would trample her.

„Get in!“

She looked up only to find Paul grinning at her from the driver's seat. As she climbed in he drove off while she was looking at him with an impressed smile.

„Where? How? You're awesome!“ she exclaimed.

„I know“, he states with a cocky smile.

„Okay, I need to get dressed, which means I'm about to start getting half-naked and if you so much as glance my way I WILL find a silver something to stab you with. Got it?“

„Yes mam'.“ He replies. It felt like a special place in hell was just opened for him as she started to take her shirt off knowing that if he looks he would lose all the progress they made today. He was trying so hard to focus on the road and not on the almost naked imprint sitting right next to him. He ignored all the occasional brush ups of her body against his arm while counting in order to calm himself enough not to grab her face right then and there and kiss her. He wasn't thinking about Rachel or his previously expressed intentions of proving how an imprint bond could be resisted, he was only thinking about how would her lips feel against his.

„It's safe to look now“, her voice broke his train of though.

„We're near, be ready to go.“

„Thank you. I mean I'm still upset over 'Seal' but for now I'm going to let it go.“

„Seal?“ he questioned.

„My car.“

„You named your car? No, wait, scratch that. You named your car 'Seal'?“ he said with amusement in his voice.

„I love animals and when I saw the teal color the only thing that popped up in my mind was a lame rhyme 'Seal', so it worked out in both ways.“ she defended her choice with a giggle.

They were pulling up into the parking lot, the entrance to the E.R. jammed with an ambulance.

„Thank you, I gotta run, bye.“ She said as she waved to Paul jumping out of the car. She could see Carlisle opening the door to the ambulance and called his name to signal she arrived. But just as she was about to near Carlisle she was pulled back abruptly behind a tall shaking figure she identified as Paul.

„Paul, what the hell? I have to get there NOW!“

„You can't Arya“, he said with hate laced in his voice that made her flinch.

He could tell he scared her which cause him to take a few deep breaths,

„You didn't tell us you worked with the leech, why?!“ he asked in a calm voice, but it definitely didn't calm her nerves.

„A leech? What are you talking about?!“ She asked trying to walk around him.

He takes her hand and pulls her back,“wait, you don't know?“ he asks.

„Know what Paul? All I know is that right now there is someone who needs my help and I can't help them if YOU DO NOT MOVE OUT OF MY WAY“, she half shouted trying not to lose her patience while the sense of urgency to get to the E.R. grew.

„Arya he“, Paul gestured towards Carlisle, „HE is a vampire, the cold one, the leech, whatever you wanna name it. He could hurt you.“

Paul spoke fast with hope she'll go with him so he could keep her safe. For a moment there she palled looking back to Carlisle then refocusing her eyes on Paul

„ He won't hurt me. If he wanted to, I'd be dead already. For God's sake he saves people every day Paul. I may not know much about his kind yet, but I know about him. I'm a pretty good judge of character and I believe him to be good. I have to go now.“

She started walking away as Paul called after her.

„Ria, PLEASE!“ he ran after her as she came to a sudden halt with a flinch as he used the new nickname, „I can't protect you here and if you get hurt I'll never forgive myself.“

„Why do you care“ she asked with a sudden sharpness in her voice. He opened his mouth to tell her, but stopped himself for a reason he didn't even know. His stubborn nature reminding him of his fight with the bond making his mouth close shut without a word.

She nods with hurt in her eyes almost as if she wanted him to fight for her and now felt rejected by him.

„That's what I thought, now if you'll excuse me I have work to do.“

Watching her walk away felt like a brutal storm started in his mind with thunder burning pieces of his heart. I took our bond for granted, and in my naivety I'd thought it unbreakable. Am I losing her before I ever even had her? thoughts swirled in his head as she disappeared from view.

With each stride her mind became more clear, more resolute, as if the growing physical distance between them had now become an emotional chasm. Ignoring the pain that settled in her heart, she made a decision. Whatever this was, between her and Paul wasn't going to happen. She wanted him more then anything after only knowing him for a day and a half and maybe that was the problem. She always thought of herself as a one great love in a lifetime kind of person, like a lobster. She was afraid if she fell in love with someone she'd give her whole heart to that person and if it breaks, she'd never love again. So Arya always protected herself when it comes to love. By not letting herself get hurt now, it would prevent an even bigger pain in the future.

He obviously didn't care for you, he was just acting that way due to his loyalty to your brother silly girl, like he'd ever go for you, she thought. She numbed the pain hitting her in waves as she always did and promised herself that she wouldn't let him be the source of her pain ever again.

[d1tman-blog]

Not to get ll maudlin and shit, but if I seem impatient sometimes,...well, here is an excerpt from my diary, started when I contracted Congestive Heart Failure and Atrial Fibrillation...

Diary Excerpts 3 The background story really starts in my childhood: I contracted Rheumatic Fever when I was 9 years old, a disease that left me with a damaged valve in my heart, and a slight heart murmur.  Before you get started on the diary, put something that mildly buzzes next to your ear. Keep it there a few minutes. That is one of the things I have going on 24/7/365, and have had it for 3 years (tinnitus). Now get a belt and tighten it as tight as you can by hand around your head. that is what I feel 24/7/365:                                                             My life changed drastically and unalterably in early October, 2015. I had gotten that terrible flu that went round Atlanta and did not understand or recognize it's severity until I felt as if I would not draw another breath. I woke up one Sunday morning unable to breathe. I could only breathe sitting straight up. Monday morning I made a doctor appointment with my general practitioner. To make a long story short, I ended up in the hospital in late October  for the 1st of 11 times, sometimes only 5 days per stay, sometiems as long as 9 days (as of 5/23/2018).  I remained in the hospital a week. The flu had developed into pneumonia, and bacteria from the pneumonia damaged my heart even more than the childhood illness did), causing congestive heart failure, atrial fibrillation, and an enlarged heart. Complications from these and from the medicines to combat it have also caused renal insufficiency and elevated liver enzymes. I am now on 9 medications to combat the diseases. I have also had two TIAs (mini strokes) and precancerous polyps were removed from my colon. To those who will be conducting and/or involved in my funeral:                                                     Don't spend any more money than necessary to bury me. If I am near death and someone finds me, don't use heroic measures to save me. Just keep me from as much pain as possible. It is in many respects difficult to contemplate death, but the facts and my present condition preclude a long life, so I will end this journey shortly.  I am comforted by the words attributed to Julius Caeser in Shakespeare's novel: " Cowards die many times before their deaths. The valiant taste of death but once. Of all the wonders that I yet have heard, It seems to me most strange that men should fear death, Seeing that death, a necessary end, Will come when it will come." To be honest, I will be glad when this life of misery and pain is over. I wish it would have been different.  I wish that all I had dreamed and aspired to had become reality. The circumstances have dealt a different path though. I have taken a very different road in life than I ever would have imagined. There is so much to say: The loss of broken and unrealized dreams, expectations unfilled, life cut short. I hope my ramblings on Facebook, Twitter and tumblr, and my encounters on this journey called life have had a positive impact on someone, and that I have made a positive difference in someone's life. I will keep a diary starting on page two of this document. I hope to live a long life, but It doesn't seem like that is to be. I have made some tremendous mistakes in my life, but hope the good I have done outweighs the bad. There isn't a day that goes by when I am not saddened unbearably by losing the love of family.  To everyone, I love you.

Diary: 10/18/2016. I felt pretty fair throughout most of the day, although I haven't slept a lot. I haven't really kept track but I believe I slept about 4 hours from 4:30am until 8:30am, then from about 2:30pm until 4:30pm. I feel like **** now. Weak, heart beating hard... I think nearly every day about not living through this any more...Congestive heart failure, atrial fibrillation, and an enlarged heart - it is a bitch to live with - no energy, no stamina, hurting or in some type of discomfort constantly. 10/20/2016 I feel a little bit better today - still no energy to speak of. I hurt my back, so am dealing with that in addition to everything else. I think I have made contact with someone - a public defender - who can help Kevin. I stay tired and sleepy nearly all the time... 10/21/2016 Can't sleep. Heart racing, lungs feel tight. 10/22/2016 went back on Proventil inhaler. I think last dose was about 10:45pm 10/21/2016. Have to wait another hour for another dose. can't breathe. Weak stomach tight/bloated. have dry cough. able to sleep 5 hours after 2nd dose of Proventil. Still no energy, no stamina. Throat and mouth dry. slept another 3 hours. Ear infection is back. Ear infection is bothering the hell out of me. Constant ringing. a little sick - don't know if it is from ear infection or other malady - had runny stool several times yesterday. Lost my appetite. Got prescriptions and started back taking them. I hope it gets me feeling better. Kevin's arraignment was Wednesday - charged with felony marijuana possession, misdemeanor marijuana possession, and drug paraphernalia. Finally getting a little hungry. Ate 1/2 Big Mac large meal earlier; Will finish it. Lasix is working me over. 10/23/2016 hard to breathe - can't sleep well. yet am almost overpoweringly sleepy. I finally got a little sleep - about 5 hours. Stomach is cramping, still no energy, no stamina. 10/24/2016 Woke up early - hard to breathe. don't have stamina or energy for ****. Get extremely tired when sitting in a chair and need to lie down and rest, but it takes a long time to sleep - if I am able to - because it is hard to breathe lying down.  made a doctor's appointment for Thursday at 3:30pm. 10/25/2016 same as yesterday. may be getting a little worse. 10/26/2016 my worst day yet. same as the days above, but can't get relief even for a moment. Constant pain and discomfort, tightening band around my head - helluva headache 11/8/2016 Still feel nauseous about 3/4 of the day each day. Doctors think it is the medicine that makes me sick: Indications for some of the meds say will make you sick. Kevin still has shitty attitude. He doesn't get it that he will need to impress the hell out of the jailers to get conditional release program. 11/11/2016 Sick as ****. I hope that is what is causing me to be so confrontational with people rather than me turning into an a**hole. I went off on Jecca. Got jealous because she contacted an old boyfriend of hers. Turns out he called her because he has some type of injury to  his hand and foot and wanted some sympathy. I told her if she continues contact with him I would start hanging with sluts and send her pictures. I told him I would stomp his ass if he kept contacting her. I got pretty nasty with her before we finally made up and resolved it. 11/12/2016 I have been off the diary except sporadically for a while. I thought I was getting better: No such luck. Started driving to class today and threw up all over myself and my car. I am extremely nauseous, and have a tremendous headache.  I get hungry as hell, but then get full after only two or three bites of food. Death would be a blessing. No energy, listless, no ambition, no drive. Headaches are the norm for me, and the ear infection is chronic with constant tinnitus. 11/13/2016 pretty much the same as yesterday. a general feeling of malaise, nauseated. 12/4/2016 I was invited to Christmas dinner. I hope I can have the energy to go. It is getting to the point I don’t even want to be around anyone. I just want to be in the comfort of my own home. Becoming even more of a recluse than normal. New medication regimen seems to be working a little better. Still feel weak and sleepy most of the time. I guess tinnitus will be permanent. 12/12/2016 Was invited to a show free of charge to sell my jewelry. I don’t have the stamina to set up my display, much less be there several hours. Headaches are normal, and tinnitus is constant. 4 days now with no sleep. Period. Zilch. Nada. Bupkiss. 12/24/2016 I can’t make it to the Christmas dinner I was invited to. I don’t have the energy to go. Staying home and cooking chicken with vegetables. 11/14/2017 It has been a long time since the last entry, but what's the point? At least by reading it I discover again the pain and shitty feeling all the time are not new. I don't know what the merit is in that, but it makes me feel like maybe I am not getting worse: I just get the unparralled joy of feeling like total **** all the time: Nausea - constant; headache - constant; tinitus - constant. It is all 24/7/ 365 until I manage to sleep for a little while - 3 or if I'm lucky, 4 hours at a time.  YIPPEE!!! On a different note, Jecca and I are no longer together. When I incurred tremendous financial burdens because of the CHF, she no longer wanted to stick around. It has really done a number on me emotionally, but on the other hand, it wouldn't be fair to want her to stick around and watch me die, becoming a widow in the prime of her life.   I would like at my funeral, Crossing the Bar read during the service: Crossing the Bar   BY ALFRED, LORD TENNYSON Sunset and evening star,    And one clear call for me!   And may there be no moaning of the bar,    When I put out to sea,  

But such a tide as moving seems asleep,    Too full for sound and foam,   When that which drew from out the boundless deep    Turns again home.  

Twilight and evening bell,    And after that the dark!     And may there be no sadness of farewell,    When I embark;  

For tho’ from out our bourne of Time and Place    The flood may bear me far,   I hope to see my Pilot face to face    When I have cross’d the bar. I started an online ministry - not much participation - only 22 members after a few months, but I post sermons and positive thoughts for the day, most of the time twice a day on the positive thoughts. Well, I will stop blubbering and blathering now. Nothing can change, unless I somehow have the good fortune of being hit by a Mack truck or a meteor falling from the sky to put me out of my misery, or something like that. Yippee kayay. Anecdote: I may seem at times to not have much patience with people when they have their little foibles. I am not cold hearted, and have tremendous empathy when people are truly in pain or have grief. It is the little mundane bs that people grouse about that annoys me. My sister  died when she was 15 and I was 16, from leukemia. My youngest brother died when he was 3 and I was 17, from aplastic anemia. My other brother died when he was 45 and I was 53, from a lifetime of alcohol and drug abuse. Both my parents died several years ago, and I am the only one left in my original family, and the only close relative I have is my son, who is now 30 yrs old. My girlfriend at the time (1977) died in my arms  because she had been to a party and OD'd from booting cocaine.  I was driving north on I-285 just north of Atlanta in 1984 when I saw a car lose control and t-bone another one, splitting it into. They both burst into flames. I was just behind them and drove through the flames, stopped and tried to rescue the people I saw burning in one of the cars. I couldn't get in to them because the flames had engulfed the car and I had to watch them burn, unable to help. I was driving on a state highway near my house when I was still a teenager and saw a car lose control and run into a delivery truck. The truck flipped over on its top, and the car slid in a ditch. When I got to the car (this was before padded steering wheels and air bags) I found the driver with part of the steering wheel sticking out of his throat. Both occupants were dying. All this is to say I have seen far more than my share of death and I have no patience with people who complain about little mundane things. On the other side of the fortune coin, I lost control of my car during a rain storm in which I ran over a board with a nail in it and blew out a tire in the rain slick highway: I rolled several times and was hit with the car jack in the head before coming to a stop at the bottom of a 27 foot embankment, but was not seriously injured. I was with a group of musicians in 1969 during the Piedmont Arts Festival in Atlanta, when we drove to the countryside with 3 cases of Red Ripple wine, using them as seats.  The driver lost control of the van and we rolled several times down an embankment, and all but two bottles of wine broke. None of us were seriously injured. So forgive me if sometimes am a bit impatient and high strung.  A friend once said, "Don't sweat the small stuff".