#felt like a lot of big moments were just swept past!

[amber-angel]

Watched the 2018 les mis adaptation but like, just the barricade scenes because yk. Brainrot. And I'll be honest idk how I feel. Maybe it's just because I started with episode 5/6 but... were the other amis just not in the show? There were only Enjolras, Grantaire, and Courfeyrac. And marius, but idc about him

[solecize]

𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐓 | 𝐣𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

ten years of being one and the same with jungkook as the country's it couple is the perfect disguise for the reality of a tumultuous relationship hidden behind the scenes.

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: you welcome your boyfriend back to the country with a surprise party, just as the clock is ticking to say goodbye again. the big day is almost here and enlistment brings couples either one of two things: a ring or a breakup.  𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒: idol!jungkook/female idol!reader and fictional versions of various idols 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄. idol au, on-and-off relationship, angst, i swear there's fluff, and themes of first love, growing up, struggles with fame, and marriage (ish) 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒. portrayal of a toxic couple (implications of emotional abuse and control), infidelity, foul language, substance use, underage drinking, mentions of the covid-19 pandemic, sexually suggestive content  𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄. based off of "you're losing me" by taylor swift. this is a fictional portrayal of real-life people that implement some aspects of real-life events. the series is told in non-chronological order. note that the main character is a member of a fictional idol group. more warnings may be added as the story is written. join the taglist here! ㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤm.list | next

you say, "i don't understand, " and i say, "i know you don't" we thought a cure would come through in time, now i fear it won't

TODAY’S TOP HEADLINE: bts’ rm, jimin, taehyung and jungkook set to enlist in the coming weeks! ㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ   ㅤㅤautumn 2023

the confrontation   when it rained, it poured and you felt like you haven't seen even a glimpse of the sun in ages. there was a nagging feeling in your gut that it was too far gone, but like everything else for the past ten years, you swallowed it down and swept it under the rug. bad feelings didn’t exist in your relationship. that was the unspoken rule. yet, it was growing more and more difficult to mask the disappointment in your eyes or the frown fighting your lips. today marked the worst of your attempts.

  seoul was unusually calm tonight and it scared you. when you moved to the city ages ago to begin your journey as an idol trainee, it was nothing but intimidating for your meek, pre-teen self. eventually, over time, your love for the city bloomed and it was truthfully because of jungkook. once young teenagers that arrived to seoul alone, you found solace in each other and embraced the change as one. he made you fall in love with seoul the same way he made you fall in love with him. dates, nightclubs, late night adventures, and years worth of moments within the city limits. 

  however, the streets were as hushed as you were, as you gripped your steering wheel like a robot. 

  the decision had been long made and you knew it was going to come around at some point, so there was no use in fighting it. after going without seeing your boyfriend for months, it should have been nothing but pure excitement.

  “you’re awfully quiet,” murmured jungkook, glancing over at you from the passenger seat.

  you were already annoyed to begin with, when he mentioned that he was going to have a driver pick him up from the airport, instead of asking for you. it felt like he didn’t even expect to have you waiting for him, considering the two of you had been apart due to his time working in the united states. you thought he’d be insisting for you to be the first person he saw once he came back. these frustrations were on top of several other things, which you’d been dreading to confront for even longer of a time.

  and then, there was also the velvet box you spotted in the background of one of your facetime calls. you didn’t bring it up, but it was living in your mind everyday since. with jungkook’s big day fast approaching, there were a lot of conflicting ideas in your head.

  you shrugged. “i’ve been filming long hours. not getting that much sleep.”

  the look jungkook gave you read that he knew that you weren’t being a hundred percent honest, but he didn’t say anything. his eyes returned to being fixated on his phone.

  after over ten years of knowing each other, you and jungkook could see through each other like glass. the only problem was that nobody ever wanted to speak up. you feared the glaring possibility of other buried conflict dating further back into the relationship because of this dynamic.

  you didn’t think you deserved the blame for the tension in the air. there were several things in your mind, but jungkook wasn’t exactly a person who could easily mask their emotions. something was off with him, too, and you needed to figure out what it was. you could only hope for the best case scenario because otherwise, it was going to be your worst nightmare. there was no situation you could fathom where his behaviour was a result of an in between. 

  keeping your voice casual, you asked, “who are you texting?”

  “my mom.”

  you held back a sigh - jungkook was never particularly keen on involving you with his family. though you’d been together since he was sixteen, you always felt like he kept you an arm’s reach away from that part of your life and you never understood why.

  “oh. tell her i say hi,” you said and he hummed in response. 

  whilst you weren’t in a talkative mood, it wasn’t like jungkook was doing anything to keep the conversation flowing either. you guys obviously texted and called during his time away, but the present atmosphere was awkward, like there was nothing to talk about after his grand return. you hugged and kissed at the airport, asked how his flight was, and that was that. driving him felt like a business endeavour, rather than welcoming your long-term partner back to the country.

  after a few minutes, jungkook finally looked up from his phone. upon peering out the window, he grew confused and turned to you.

  he questioned, “where are we going? the apartment is in the other direction.”

  “just wait,” you assured, forcing a small smile. “take off your hoodie and put on what i have for you in the backseat.”

  there was a shopping bag sitting behind jungkook’s seat and he reluctantly reached over, revealing a silk ysl shirt that you picked up that very afternoon. sighing, he did as you asked and made the change. you didn’t care to look over at your boyfriend’s shirtless body, too irritated at the curtness of the conversation.

  you just wanted to get to the destination, the heavy silence becoming too much for you. there wasn’t even music on. you found yourself focusing too much on it, as you finally pulled up to the infamous hotel azure. somehow tucked away in the busy songpa district, it is unassuming to the civilian eye, but a well-known name amongst the circles of south korea’s entertainment industry. you didn’t “make it” in entertainment until you attended a party at hotel azure.

  jungkook shifted in his seat. “what is this?” his tone was demanding, which immediately put you off. “the plan was to go home.”

  to be fair, the last time that the two of you were at the azure hotel, jungkook wound up with a bloody nose after getting into it with an not-to-be-named yg idol at one of jackson wang’s wild parties. you weren’t even sure what happened yourself, bleary eyed for the majority of the night with several substances in your body. hotel azure was for idols at the top of the world with everything to lose, a favourite place of yours around 2018. it was now a place that you actively tried to avoid, but made an exception for the special occasion.

  “calm down,” you shot back, not letting him get away with the voice he used. “just wait, i said.”

  “i’m tired, y/n,” jungkook pleaded, as you stopped the car for the valet to take. 

  you ignored him - it wasn’t like it was up to you - and unbuckled your seatbelt, not waiting a second for jungkook. 

  not only did you pick up your boyfriend from the airport, you also spent hours meticulously preparing your appearance for the night. it didn’t seem like jungkook noticed, other than at the airport, when he questioned why you were wearing high heels. 

  you never wore heels unless you were working, but that changed when you met jungkook. he loved it when you wore heels and by the time your respective trainee debts were paid, made it a point. you bought platforms with the anticipation of how your boyfriend would go crazy over them. jungkook gifted you designer jimmy choos and pradas whenever you guys got into a fight. it made you feel your prettiest and he showered you with compliments every time.

  now, he looked at you oddly for it, like you were doing too much.

  jungkook eventually gave up and followed you in without a word, watching you take off your trench coat to reveal a stunning baby pink two-piece dress. the colour glittered under the low lighting of the hotel lobby and the corset accentuated your curves in all the right aways. except, he still did not say a word. this made you frown.

  you handed off your coat to an employee and jungkook did the same. the lobby was empty, but you and jungkook knew exactly where to go, making a beeline for the elevator and pressing the button to move up to the penthouse suite. 

  “why didn’t you warn me about this?” he grumbled under his breath, adjusting his shirt in the mirror.

  because that’s how surprise parties work, you wanted to reply. unfortunately, this was not a surprise party that you wanted to celebrate, so you didn’t even try to keep jungkook excited. you were both quiet, irritable, and only wanted to go home. 

  you said, “this is the part where i cover your eyes and lead you out.”

  jungkook complied and you placed your perfectly manicured hands over his line of vision. other than sharing a hug and kiss earlier, this was the closest you’d physically gotten to your boyfriend in months. your hands were cold and you were close enough that he could hear your breathing - all too uncomfortable. 

  the elevator dinged and you nudged jungkook to step forward. the penthouse’s lights were off, but you could make out the shuffling of feet from behind the kitchen counter. it looked like everything was set up and pristine. then, in just a beat, the entire room lit up and you removed your hands from jungkook’s eyes.

  “SURPRISE!”

  the floor rumbled, voices roaring and bodies popping out from different places - behind pillars, couches and the bar. jungkook’s eyes brightened in a way that you had yet to see since reuniting with him earlier and it made your heart sink. you hadn’t realized how dull his demeanour was around you until something else actually made him smile.

  his closest friends and family gathered in the penthouse and there was a large, golden banner that hung from the walls that said “welcome back jungkook!” the other wall was decorated with another banner, but this one said “good luck rm, v, jimin and jungkook!” 

  jungkook’s older brother was the first one that enveloped him into a bear hug, nearly squeezing the life out of him, then his mom. this was followed by the remainder of his band mates that managed to make the party. you awkwardly stood off to the side, a wide smile plastered on your face to mask your despondence. it seemed like jungkook’s exhaustion only existed when he was sitting in a car with you, as his laughter echoed throughout the room.

  you caught jungkook’s eye and he already knew how you were feeling. while he exchanged words with other friends, it was namjoon who pulled you to the side.

  “hey. you guys did a really great job with the party,” you started, looking around.

  the penthouse of the azure hotel was a thing of beauty, with ceiling high windows that looked over the lights of seoul. everything shone and glimmered - the city skyline, the perfect marble floors, the expensive liquor bottles, and hell, even the perfect teeth of the myriad of a-list south korean celebrities gracing this exclusive party. there wasn’t a wrong way to ever throw a party there, but the group made an extra effort to make jungkook’s homecoming a special one. 

  jungkook was swarmed by several people, all asking about his time in america and how exciting it was. those were the words you used to describe it for him, too, when you sent him off months ago. you watched him take shots with mingyu and eunwoo. 

  namjoon shook his head, “no, no. this wouldn’t be possible without you,” he said and then glanced at jungkook, “and i’m sure he knows it, too.”

  the boys, despite it also serving as a goodbye party before their enlistments, had been helping you plan the surprise for weeks leading up to jungkook’s arrival. it was one of the longest times jungkook had been apart from them and from the country in general, so they wanted to make it extra special. though you were the main mastermind behind the gathering, you initially didn’t want to do it at all. 

  “yeah, i hope so,” you replied, as you poured yourself a glass of white wine. ���you guys all deserve it.”

  over the years, jungkook’s band mates slowly became some of your friends, as well. it was somber goodbye for you in all kinds of ways. everyone was preparing to send them off with good luck and high spirits. 

  the boys were also preparing in their own way. you noticed that taehyung and jimin’s girlfriends were missing from the party, which only confirmed your speculations. 

  “it was just bound to happen,” said a voice.

  it was taehyung who joined you and namjoon in a quiet circle at the corner of the living room. all of the boys looked a little bit sad, despite the celebratory atmosphere, but you read a different kind of story in taehyung’s eyes. 

  he smiled with a hint of gloom. “you’re looking around for her, right?”

  as a fellow idol and also a girlfriend to a member of one of the biggest groups in the world, taehyung’s girlfriend grew to become one of your close confidants in the past few years. you guys were polite before, but this connection created a specific bond that couldn’t be understood by anyone else. however, you hadn’t heard from her in a few days and with her absence at taehyung’s goodbye party, you put two and two together. 

  to his side, namjoon clapped a hand on his friend’s back. “sorry, man.”

  “i hope it was cordial,” you mustered up, ignoring the growing heaviness at the pit of your stomach. you could only hope you weren’t next.

  taehyung replied. “she understood, but she wasn’t happy. regardless,” he sighed, “we’re still so young. her career is just blowing up even more, i feel like i’d only be holding her back.” 

  that was the way it went. when enlistment rolled around for most couples, it was either breaking up or a ring. you looked at your feet, not knowing what to say. 

  “jimin also told me that he broke things off with - “

  a loud yelp squeaked from taehyung, who was abruptly jabbed in the side with namjoon’s elbow. the latter cleared his throat and you recognized that look. namjoon only made that face when he pulled the leader card and needed to put someone in their place. you figured that your worries were transparent to those around you.

  namjoon cleared his throat. “not in a chatty mood?”

  while you greeted people during the set-up of the party, you realized that you had yet to actually try socializing. things were awkward with jungkook’s parents, who you long suspected didn’t approve of you for various reasons. in general, most people were interested in chatting with the boys, which you didn’t mind. it was a gathering to send them off, after all.

  “not really. you guys should go mingle with your friends,” you said, taking another sip of your wine. “it’s your party.”

  “i hope i’m not overstepping, but did you and jungkook get in a fight?” taehyung asked.

  you blinked slowly. “no. does it seem like it?”

  “just seems like he’s nervous about something,” he commented and you noticed namjoon glare at him once more, as if to shut up.

  for the first time that night, you felt a glimmer of mixed feelings that left you wondering. why would he be nervous? the big visual forming in your mind was a diamond ring. you and jungkook had contemplated marriage in the past year, but it was also the source of many arguments. you weren’t even sure you wanted to get married now, but your mother had been getting into your ear about you getting older. then, there were your respective companies who lost their shit at the idea. but, what really mattered, was jungkook’s opinion. he seemed to wave it off or change the topic at every opportunity, so your hopes for a ring lived in the back of your mind. 

  despite this, taehyung was right. jungkook looked nervous. he’d been irritated at being dragged to his surprise party - you wondered if it was delusional enough to believe that he had plans for the two of you, instead. 

  for the rest of the night, you continued to keep to yourself. you weren’t lying when you told jungkook you were tired, but you were determined to stay as long as you could and pretend that you and jungkook weren’t stealing mysterious glances at each other for the entire evening. it was obvious and only made you anxious. 

  a few hours later and the party only grew in numbers and in noise. you thought you lost him in the crowd, until you left to refill your nth drink and found him talking to his cousin.

  the two were smiling and laughing, as his cousin appeared to be showing jungkook pictures on his phone. you assumed it was her newborn daughter - she gave birth just two months before her fiance was to be discharged and now that he was back, the wedding was just around the corner. you remembered jungkook telling you that she was proposed to on the day of his enlistment. 

  jungkook caught your eye and he immediately looked away - what the hell was that? he even turned slightly and you couldn’t read his lips. something was going on. you watched him shove his hands in his pockets and you swore you saw the shape of a small square inside.

  eventually, you grew tired of the tension in the air and the music began to make your head pound. the longer you thought about your partner, the greater your anxieties grew. there was a chance you even just although it was late in the year and a fresh sheet of snow adorned the streets of seoul, you decided it was best to step out into the balcony to take some time to breathe. 

  nobody else was there, thankfully, and you let out a shiver when you stepped out. the peppermint air dispelled the haze in your head and in your heart, as taking a deep breath was the greatest relief you felt all night. though your muscles remained tense and you knew you wouldn’t last out in the cold, the balcony was a welcome change.

  you weren’t sure how long you were outside when the door creaked open and just by the footsteps alone, you knew who it was.

  “your guests will miss you,” you said, not even looking behind you.

  at this point, you were hugging yourself to stop shivering. a rustle later and you felt a thick blanket drape over your shoulders, the wool of its make completely enveloping you with much needed warmth. you relaxed your shoulders, but couldn’t look jungkook in the eyes.

  “something’s wrong. tell me.”

  jungkook’s wine stained lips were pulled into a frown and although he hid it well when he was chatting away with his friends and family, you could see the exhaustion in his eyes. he sniffled a few times and you knew why, but you decided to bite your tongue. it was his party and he was an adult who could celebrate whatever way he wanted. it was also clear that neither of you had the energy to argue. instead, to his surprise, you raised an arm and gestured for him to come closer.

  he sidestepped towards you and although you were shorter, let you wrap some of the blanket around him. his cold arm snaked around your waist and you tensed up again at his touch.

  you continued to look out into the skyline. “i was going to say the same for you.”

  “i’m really thankful for the party, love,” he ignored your question and pressed a kiss against your temple.

  you mumbled under your breath, “it wasn’t easy." this was the first time all night that you were comfortable enough to physically touch jungkook and you suspected alcohol played a role in relieving the tension between you two, but it was always going to be easy to fall right back into routine.

  and just like that, you felt a stinging sensation in your eyes. tears welled up and blurred your vision, which only made you turn your head away further from your boyfriend. he caught this immediately, his instincts nothing but natural when it came to you, and pulled you right into his chest. 

  the sound that came out of your mouth sounded nothing like you. the sob was desperate and helpless. it was akin to a toddler who couldn’t do anything by themselves. your voice cracked with each body-shaking sob and you didn’t have the guts to conceal it. your head was buried into jungkook’s new shirt, ruining it, but he only stroked your hair and wrapped the blanket tighter around the two of you.

  “it’s okay. . .” jungkook cooed and for what seemed like the first time in a while, he sounded like himself. 

  it wasn’t like jungkook had undergone a drastic change from his time in america, but it was a gradual shift that you felt over a longer period of time. you attributed to the fact that you were no longer teenagers and things weren’t going to be the same as it did ten, even five years ago. that was what you told yourself, but you weren’t sure why you still held on to the old jungkook you knew.

  in that moment, he sounded like the fifteen year old boy you met in a convenience store again. he sounded like the jungkook who wrote you disgusting love songs that were horrible, but you adored anyway. he sounded like the man who you talked about children and a big house and an annoying dog with. 

  as you found the bravery to finally pull away from jungkook’s comforting embrace, you looked up and saw that future in his eyes. his features softened, but he looked sad. your heart sank once again.

  “you’re not just crying because i’m enlisting, are you?” he finally spoke, just above a whisper. his tone was certain, barely a question - after ten years together, jungkook knew you better than you knew yourself.

  you froze. there was nothing else you could do but shut your eyes tight, pretending that this wasn’t really happening.

  after a beat, you found your voice. “listen. . .we both know what happens after a man enlists. look at taehyung and jimin. look at your cousin.” 

  over the years, you and jungkook had gone through hell and back. you thought the worst day of your life was when dispatch leaked the news that you were dating five years ago, but you were able to recover. you thought it was the worst day of your life when your breakup was witnessed by the entire world, but you were able to recover. you even thought the worst day of your life was when word got out that you and jungkook got back together, effectively proving that you were weak and were the type of girl to crawl back to her ex. you recovered then, as well.

  at the second part of your sentence, you felt jungkook physically tense up.

  “is that why you’ve been acting weird lately?” he replied.

  you don’t know where it came from, but something triggered a spark of anger in you. still, with a tear stained face and a runny nose, you opened your eyes and met his. this was not something you would be able to recover from.

  you said, “it hasn’t just been lately, jungkook. you know exactly what’s on my mind, we’ve been talking - “

  “ - and you know what my answer has been, baby. you know what kind of position i’m in,” he interrupted, breaking apart from your hold and the blanket he brought for you.

  he wasn’t wrong. you did know what kind of position he was in. one of the biggest stars in the world and he had everything to lose, especially with the anxieties looming in the air for him and the rest of his group. every one of them were on their toes as soon as their enlistment dates were finalized, fearing their fade from the spotlight. you and the rest of the world knew that it was bullshit, that the bts was going to be forgotten just because they were going into the military for a few years. 

  marriage would surely ruin that further, right?

  you said, “and you know what position i’m in.”

  the careless joys of your early twenties had come and gone, which left you at the mercy of your mother’s constant talks about marriage. not just her, but other family members and even some of your friends. after all, you and jungkook had been together for ten years and you were pushing thirty sooner or later. 

  you also had your own fears in regard to your career. jungkook once laughed when you expressed your worries about the public no longer finding you young and pretty, but it was a real fear. most girl groups didn’t last more than a few years. many of your contemporaries had long said goodbye to their idol persona and went their separate ways from their band for a new life. you were considered a lucky one to remain with your group and maintain relevance, but for how long? was it time for you to finally settle down? you weren’t granted the same longevity as jungkook’s renowned group and you weren’t bitter about it, but nervous.

  snowflakes began to fall once again and as one fell on your eyelashes, you noticed jungkook’s jaw clench. 

  “we’ve talked about this,” he said and you knew your wandering thoughts about a potential proposal were too good to be true.

  you began, “look, i know that things are different for people like us. . “ but, things were changing. in recent years, you watched several of your peers get married and have children without losing their spot in the limelight. 

  “y/n. . .what made you think i changed my mind?” jungkook sighed, pacing back and forth to calm himself down.

  “i just thought. . .”

  “i’m sorry, but i wasn’t going to propose before my enlistment.” this time, jungkook’s frustrations melted away and there was genuine sadness in his voice. 

  he stepped closer to you and put his hands on your waist. you didn’t know what to say. you really had been pretending that his strange behaviour was because of a hope that seemed impossible now. 

  you took a deep breath. “you never said no. you made it seem like you were considering it.”

  that was what silenced jungkook. it was true, there was never an outright refusal from jungkook. he would say things that implied he would talk to his company again or “with time” it would come. he gave you just enough reassurance, but never confirmation. 

  continuing, you said, “and you even indulged in keeping the fantasy alive with me. you’re sick for talking about honeymoon destinations with me and suggesting songs we could dance to.”

  “hey. i’ve said time ands time again that there is no future where you aren’t by my side,” jungkook tried getting you to look at him, but every time he moved, you turned away. 

  there was no reason for you to make eye contact. you felt like a fool and if you met his eyes, you knew you would just burst into tears again. then, you thought about your conversation earlier with your friends and your vision became wet again.

  “were you planning to break up with me before you enlisted?”

  “what? no,” he responded, but you weren’t convinced. 

  you responded, “it was going to be inevitable, wasn’t it? like jimin and taehyung. you were going to be done with me.”

  this time, jungkook forced you to look at him by the chin and your shoulders dropped. there was a crease in between his eyebrows that you don’t remember seeing even just a year ago. he looked more tired than he did as a rookie with barely survivable living standards. 

  “time really goes by, huh?” you murmured, fighting to keep your voice stable.

  “we were never going to break up, love,” jungkook maintained.

  still, his words didn’t penetrate further than surface level. you were left numb and the chill of winter in seoul had nothing to do with it. you wished that someone would just call jungkook away, but the party inside continued on without him. 

  “you bought a ring. i saw it when we video called.”

  jungkook’s lips parted. you knew it. you knew you weren’t losing your mind. over the last ten years, you made some crazy accusations for all kinds of reasons. this time was different and you saw it on his face.

  even after what seemed like forever, jungkook couldn’t find words to say. the longer he waited to speak, the faster your heart began to race. 

  he rubbed his temples and finally, he spoke. jungkook spoke and you immediately dropped the blanket he brought for you, dashing right back inside. you walked past every single attendee and ignored the few that cried out your name. you didn’t care what it looked like. you just knew you had to get out of there.

  jungkook said there was a ring. he began to open his mouth and explain further, especially when he read the horrified expression on your face, but you wanted no part in it. there was no room for you to think about what that meant. you only saw red.

  you weren’t sure why you wanted a proposal so badly. you knew you didn’t care that much about what your mother wanted and getting married was no solution to the prospects of a dying career. you were second guessing if your wishes for a wedding were even genuine. 

  on the other hand, maybe you intended for the wedding to be a solution to a dying relationship. 

LATEST NEWS: hybe dismisses reports that bts’ jungkook and S.IREN’s nova are engaged, seeking legal action against gossip website that went viral for spreading the false rumour

@butnotmontana @rinkud @kookiescutie @nlr1606 @claireshelby @xtrataerrestrial @whoa-jo @tinyxrose @lavendersugarplum @bangtans-momma @firelcrds @sstrongstyle

[purifiedclitoris69]

Pumpkin Guts

Natasha Romanoff x supersoldier!reader

Summary: Your first Halloween :)

The cool October breeze swept through the compound as you stood quietly by the large window, watching the other Avengers excitedly prepare for their Halloween celebration. They seemed to have an easy camaraderie, something you hadn’t quite figured out how to slip into yet. Since defecting to the team as a former Hydra super soldier, you’d kept your distance—an observer in the background, ever alert, ever guarded. You weren’t used to this kind of normality, this sense of home.

Except for Natasha Romanoff.

Natasha was different. Something about her—maybe it was her calm confidence or her ability to understand without needing to ask—made you feel safe in ways you hadn’t in a long time. You gravitated toward her more than anyone else, drawn to her in ways you were just starting to understand. When she was around, you relaxed, the weight of your past lifting, if only slightly.

This was your first Halloween with the team, and from the looks of it, a big deal to Natasha. You’d never celebrated the holiday before—Hydra hadn’t exactly been festive—and you weren’t sure how to feel about the pumpkins, the decorations, or the costume talk swirling through the compound.

“Hey,” Natasha’s soft voice pulled you from your thoughts. You turned to see her leaning casually against the doorway, a warm smile on her lips.

“Hey,” you replied, your voice a little softer when it was just the two of you.

“You doing okay?” she asked, her green eyes scanning your face with that familiar concern she always seemed to have for you.

You shrugged. “It’s just… a lot. I’ve never done this before.”

Natasha stepped closer, her smile widening. “Then it’s about time you had a proper Halloween, don’t you think? I happen to love this holiday, and I’d say you’re in good hands.”

You felt the corners of your lips tug upward at that. You didn’t often smile, but with Natasha, it was easier. “What’s first then?”

“Pumpkin patch,” she declared, grabbing her jacket and tossing one at you. “Come on. You’re gonna love it.

The haunted carnival had been Natasha’s idea, of course. She loved Halloween—the decorations, the spooky vibe, the general mischief. For you, the idea of spending time in such a lively, festive setting was strange, even a little overwhelming. But the way Natasha’s eyes lit up at each new booth, her excitement infectious, made you want to be there with her. She had a way of making the unfamiliar feel okay.

You noticed she kept glancing at you, checking to see how you were doing. She always did that, never too obvious about it, but enough that you knew she was paying attention.

“You’re quiet tonight,” she said softly, nudging your shoulder as the two of you approached a line of carnival games. “Everything good?”

You nodded. “Just… taking it all in. I’ve never been to anything like this.”

Natasha smiled, her green eyes twinkling in the carnival light. “We’ll make sure you experience everything, then.”

You tried to suppress a smile, but it slipped out, small but genuine. You weren’t used to these kinds of lighthearted moments, but with Natasha, they were becoming more frequent, more comfortable.

“Come on,” she said, tugging you toward a booth where you could see various stuffed animals hanging as prizes. “I bet you can win something.”

You eyed the game suspiciously. It was one of those typical carnival games—a row of bottles stacked together, and the goal was to knock them all over with a single throw. You weren’t one to back down from a challenge, and Natasha seemed to know that. You both knew it wouldn’t be hard for either one of you.

“I’ll give it a shot,” you muttered, stepping up and handing over a ticket.

Natasha stood close, watching intently as you sized up the bottles. With a steady hand, you hurled the ball, knocking over every last one with a resounding clatter. The carnie raised his eyebrows, surprised, and Natasha let out an impressed whistle.

“Nice throw,” she grinned. “Now, what are you going to win me?”

You glanced up at the selection of prizes and, after a moment of contemplation, pointed to a small stuffed bat hanging from the top row. The carnie handed it over with a nod, and you turned to Natasha, holding it out to her.

“A bat?” she teased, but her smile was soft as she took it from you. “I love it.”

“I figured it suited you,” you replied, trying to mask the hint of shyness creeping into your voice.

The rest of the evening was filled with a similar kind of lightness. You went through haunted houses, where Natasha laughed at your stone-faced calm even when actors jumped out to scare you. You shared cotton candy, and she even convinced you to go on a rickety old Ferris wheel that gave you a perfect view of the entire carnival, and both of you a new observed sparkle in eachothers eyes.

But it wasn’t until later that night, back at the compound, that you realized just how much Halloween meant to Natasha.

The knock on your door was unexpected. It was late—late enough that most of the compound had quieted down for the night. You were sitting on your bed, thinking over the evening and the odd warmth that had settled in your chest. Natasha’s smile, her laughter, the brief moments when her arm had brushed yours—it all stuck with you more than you’d anticipated.

When you opened the door, Natasha stood there, a mischievous smile on her face, her arms filled with an array of October-themed treats. “I come bearing desserts,” she announced, pushing her way into your room without waiting for an invitation.

You blinked in surprise, stepping back to let her pass. “Nat, what…?”

“I realized I hadn’t properly introduced you to the best part of Halloween,” she said, setting down a tray on your desk. “The food.”

Your eyes widened as you took in the selection—caramel apples, mini pumpkin pies, Halloween-themed cookies, and candy corn.

“You made all this?”

“Well, I helped make some of it,” she admitted, clearly proud of herself. “Tony’s kitchen is well-stocked for this kind of thing. Thought you might want a late-night snack.”

Your room suddenly felt warmer, more comfortable. The usually bare, sterile space now smelled of cinnamon and sugar, and Natasha’s presence filled the room with a kind of energy you hadn’t known you needed.

She handed you one of the caramel apples, grinning as she took a bite of her own. “Go on. It’s good.”

You hesitated for only a moment before sinking your teeth into the apple. The sweetness hit you instantly, and you couldn’t help the small hum of approval that escaped you.

“Told you,” Natasha said smugly, settling onto your bed with her legs crossed beneath her. She looked completely at ease, like she belonged there.

You found yourself watching her more than you were eating, the way her face softened in the warm glow of the desk lamp, the way she smiled easily when she was with you. You hadn’t felt this kind of peace in a long time, and it unnerved you—but at the same time, you wanted more of it.

“What’s on your mind?” Natasha asked after a few moments of comfortable silence. She always knew when you were caught up in your thoughts.

You shrugged, feeling a little self-conscious. “Just… all of this. All the freedom, the fun, it scares me a little.”

She tilted her head, her smile softening. “I know it is. But that’s why I wanted to make it special.”

Your heart thudded in your chest. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to,” she replied, her voice low but certain.

You swallowed, feeling the words you’d kept hidden for so long rising to the surface. But you weren’t sure how to say them, or if you should. Natasha had a way of reading your silence, though, and she leaned in just a little closer.

“I’ve seen you since you got here,” she said quietly, her eyes never leaving yours. “You don’t always let people in, but I’m glad you’ve let me.”

Her words made your chest tighten, but in a good way. In a way that made you feel understood. You wanted to tell her how much she meant to you, how she made you feel safer, more grounded than you’d ever felt—but before you could speak, she gave you a playful nudge with her foot.

“Come on,” she said, her eyes gleaming with joy, as she took your hand and dragged you out your room, “we’re going on a horror movie binge,”. she smiled brightly as she led you to the movie room.

The next few weeks were a whirlwind of Halloween-themed activities. Each day brought something new— the caramel apples, spooky movies, and laughter that echoed through the halls. You found yourself relaxing more with the team, but it was Natasha’s presence that truly helped you lower your guard. She made the unfamiliar feel safe.

One evening, you found yourself in the kitchen with Natasha, both of you surrounded by pumpkins.

“You ready for this?” Natasha asked, setting down the biggest pumpkin she could find. You could see the challenge in her eyes, and despite your reluctance to get too involved, you couldn’t help but feel competitive.

“Depends. What exactly are we doing?” you asked, eyeing her with suspicion.

“Carving pumpkins,” she said with a playful smirk. “Or at least, that’s how it’ll start.”

You raised an eyebrow. “And how will it end?”

Natasha grinned, leaning in slightly. “Guess we’ll find out.”

You both got to work, scooping out the pumpkin guts. You were meticulous, focused on getting it just right, while Natasha was more relaxed, humming softly as she carved her design. Every so often, you’d glance over at her, feeling that familiar warmth build in your chest. She made you feel at ease in a way you hadn’t felt in years.

But as the pile of pumpkin guts grew, Natasha’s humming stopped, and you felt something cold and slimy hit the side of your face. You blinked, slowly turning to see Natasha looking far too innocent, a bit of pumpkin goop on her fingers.

“Did you just…?”

“Maybe,” she teased, eyes gleaming with mischief.

You reached for your own handful of pumpkin innards and launched it at her with precision. It hit her square in the shoulder, and her gasp of mock indignation quickly turned into laughter.

“Oh, you’re gonna regret that,” she said, grabbing a larger handful and flinging it at you.

Before you knew it, the kitchen was a battlefield of flying pumpkin guts, laughter ringing in the air as you dodged and retaliated. You hadn’t laughed like this in… ever, really. The sound was foreign to you, but with Natasha, it felt right.

In the chaos of it all, you slipped on a particularly slimy patch of pumpkin, arms flailing as you fell back. Natasha attempting to stable you, but ended up losing her own balance, tumbling down on top of your solid build.

You both froze, her body pressed against yours, faces inches apart, your breaths mingling. Her hair had fallen across her face, and you reached up instinctively to brush it away, your hand lingering on her cheek.

Her eyes softened, and the playfulness faded into something deeper, something you hadn’t allowed yourself to acknowledge until this moment.

“Nat,” you whispered, your voice barely audible.

She didn’t say anything, just leaned in, her lips brushing against yours in a soft, tentative kiss. It was gentle, sweet, and everything you hadn’t known you needed. When she pulled back, she was smiling, her forehead resting against yours.

“You should smile more,” she murmured, her thumb brushing lightly over your cheek. “It looks good on you.”

You chuckled softly, feeling the tension melt away as you sat up, arms propping you up, her moving swiftly to your lap as you blushed moving your nose to brush hers “Only when you’re around.”

Natasha grinned, leaning in to kiss you again, this time slower, more deliberate. And in that moment, amidst the pumpkin guts and the chaos of Halloween, you realized that maybe—just maybe—you had finally found a place where you belonged.

And that place was with her.

[paranoiddreams]

Sukuna the secret softie (HC)

Sukuna is a powerful curse, and a merciless king. So when he starts to fall in love, he feels terrified, which in turn makes him even more terrified. Could he feel such emotions before?

Heian era!Sukuna x fem!reader

Warnings! - the slightest big suggestive lolz, fluff that makes my heart bleed :), Sukuna is emotionally constipated :P, kinda short :/

A/n! - This is my first time posting for jjk so pls be nice lol. I haven’t finished the anime/manga so this might be a lil ooc, but who cares😗. Anyways, I’m going crazy I need him :333!!!1!11!

- He’s secretly such a softie

- He is clingy, and touch starved, and probably doesn’t often have feelings for women past lust.

- But then he meets y/n and everything changes in an instant

- He easily makes her blush, and go silent, and yet he’ll feel his cursed heart twitch a little everytime :3

- Laughs a lot, because he’s actually a humorous guy!! Even if some, or most, people don’t find his humor…humor.

- And have you heard his laugh omfg it makes me wanna cu—

- Will make y/n shy on purpose, but is just as easily flustered by her.

- He doesn’t blush (he’s dead, therefore no blood flow for big papa) but he does have telltale signs that he’s a big flustered mess

- If he’s in his true form (yk with the four arms n shit) he’ll unconscious wrap the lower set around his waist and turn away with an ‘angry’ expression

- In reality, y/n probably just smiled at him, or said his hair looked cute that day, and he was in shambles.

- At first, Sukuna denies denies denies his feelings for y/n

- But then when she starts coming around more, and he starts learning more about her personality, it gets harder and harder to just pretend away his awfully human-like feelings

- It made him feel stupid

- And that’s what he told y/n when he confessed during a heated moment of panic

- They were in the village, looking around the farmers market for fresh food. Of course, since he’s da king🙌🏼👑, they give him, and the lady by his side, everything for free.

- But Sukuna being Sukuna, he didn’t want to be perceived as broke in front of his GIRL

- EVEN IF HE DENIES THAT SHES HIS GIRL OUT OF FEAR!

- So he turned to pay for everything with an extra tip (just for y/n bc she’s watching), but when he turned back she wasn’t there anymore

- The crowd swelled, and the King of Curses was hit with the realization that she could’ve been swept up into the bustling weekend rush, or an enemy from far lands has come to take the only person he’s ever been close with after death.

- He demanded that everyone halt with a deep, commanding voice, and of course they did as he said.

- He could hear a pin drop, it was so quiet.

- But then, he saw y/n and her adorable doe eyes looking up at him with confusion.

- When everyone went back to normal he was rendered speechless. If this was anyone else, he would’ve killed them.

- But when she whispers a little:

- “You okay, Kuna?”

- All of his fear and anger melts away.

- “No because I care for you, and it’s terrifying.”

- He doesn’t even know why he said that, so suddenly too, but that fear of losing y/n was paralyzing—even if it was just for a second.

- But by the end of the day, Sukuna was glad he admitted it, because it felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders.

- From that moment on he and y/n were, if it was even possible, even more inseparable.

- It was safe to say that that was the day y/n because Sukuna’s official Queen, and he her king<3

DISCLAIMER!! I do not own any characters from the Anime/Manga Jujutsu Kaisen. This is purely written for entertainment purposes.

[strongheartneteyam]

Realize where you belong.

Pairing: neteyam sully x female!human!reader/female!dreamwalker!reader

Chapter 7

CW: a good amount of angst, reader finally is letting neteyam in and realizing how she does truly love him too, physical contact, neteyam suffering while holding back from mating w/ reader, mentions of sex, yearning, sexual language, reader and neteyam acting like a cute couple, playful flirting, reader is more vulnerable with neteyam, a lot of fluff, reader feels guilty about the way she's been treating neteyam. Tell me if I'm missing something important!

Sorry for taking long to update, my angels 🥺🤍 unfortunately I'm going through a tough path in my personal life rn and bc of that I fell on a horrible depressive episode that I'm still on. So, my motivation to do stuff is very low at the moment and as I have to deal with my adult responsibilities that I can't run from bc nobody can, rn the best I'm able to do is focus the tiny bit of energy I have onto getting them done. I won't be able to update my fanfics as fast as I used to for some time. Can't say how long, it's not under my control currently, sorry :( But I LOVE writing, it's a great escape for me, from life problems and stuff, so, I really do not plan on stop writing fanfiction. I promise! Don't worry too much. Some of the upcoming chapters of this fanfiction, for example, are already saved on my Google Docs. I'll take longer but I won't stop updating. Anyway, I'm a tiny bit (ok maybe much more than that lol) insecure about this chapter but I hope y'all like it. Seeing your comments about the fic would make me incredibly happy. I'm needing some serotonin right now 🥲 Thanks for reading my writings ♡

Not proofread. Sorry if some parts are a bit messed up. I'll proofread it as soon as I can <3

Chapter 6

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

You gave me roses and I left them there to die

So this is me swallowin' my pride

Standin' in front of you sayin' I'm sorry for that night

(...)

It turns out freedom ain't nothin' but missin' you

Back to December (Taylor Swift)

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

You inclined yourself slowly and sheepishly in Neteyam's direction, still feeling guilty for the way you had been treating him before. Neteyam sensed your self doubt and quickly swept you off your feet, taking you inside his arms, so he could finally get the hug he had been dying for, so he could finally feel your small body against his bigger one. His big hands were now under your thighs, securing you in place against his warm body. That closeness, his touch… it all felt incredibly good. You cursed yourself for pushing him away and postponing that moment. To think you could have felt that before and you didn't… "Stupid girl" you thought.

You were now really far from the ground but you felt safe. Now you knew Neteyam would always protect you. He would not let you fall and get hurt. He was not and had never been a threat to you. There was not and there never was any reason for you to be afraid of him.

"Oeyä yawne…" (my beloved) "You feel so soft and tiny… Eywa… Nga yawne lu oer" (I love you) His voice was choked with emotion as he held back tears of joy while he hugged you as tight as he was able to - without hurting you - and you rested your head upon his shoulder. Your nose was hovering over his neck and you sniffed his skin, smelling his natural, cozy scent. It was intoxicating, drawing you in, making you wanna stay like that forever. 

You breathed in deep and relaxed inside his huge arms that held you for the first time but still strangely felt like home, like you had felt them around you a thousand times already. If you believed in past lives - which you didn't - you'd explain this odd but amazing feeling as you having found your soulmate again, in this current life. There was no fear of Neteyam inside of you anymore. You only yearned for more and more of him, only a burning affection kept your whole being warm, just like his massive body did too.

"There's still something I need to ask of you, if this is gonna work out between us." You said, breaking the hug for a while to look him in the eye

"Say it, yawne."

Neteyam was still so utterly happy that he did not even seem to be shaken by that, which he could have been

"You know why I pushed you away. First of all, finding out an alien double your size has been stalking you is freaking unnerving." You still gazed into his eyes, wanting him to pay attention to your words "Second, you acted like a creep. At least compared to the way human guys act around girls they're interested in. I don't really have any experience dating na'vi boys, you know?" You choked a little as you were trying hard to hold back laughter

"Ouch…" Neteyam playfully pretended to be extremely hurt by your previous statements. He chuckled "In my defense, I'd say my instincts are to blame, not me, exactly." You gave him a death stare, but in a playful manner too "When I saw you, I knew you would be the perfect mate for me and I had to make you mine. Everything about you rubbed me just the right way."

You smiled. He was being silly and so sweet. You just could not resist it.

"By the way, when did you see me for the first time?" 

Neteyam seemed to get shy after that question. You wondered why.

"I fell in love with you while you were in your Avatar body, yawntu. That's when I first saw you." Neteyam looked up at you again, smiling but showing no teeth

"You what?" You questioned him, a bit shocked but you could not bring yourself to be mad at him, though. Imagining him hiding behind trees and up in branches to watch you silently seemed adorable in your eyes, now. 

And yes, you knew it sounded crazy, to find someone who used to literally stalk you adorable, but nobody said that anything that was happening to you right now made any sense. Not even you would try to.

"How did I never notice you were around?" You shook your head in disapproval of your distraction back in the forest.

What if it had been a na'vi who did not trust you a single bit to even let you Dreamwalk freely, without grabbing you by the arm and taking you to the Olo'eyktan and the Tsahìk? Some na'vi hated humans to that point. And, as you always said and always would say, you had a great empathy towards them and could imagine yourself feeling the same way if you were na'vi. You could never bring yourself to judge them as harshly as way too many humans did. You knew they were not the villains of the story. But still, what if that na'vi tried to hurt you? You felt tense at the thought.

Neteyam noticed your uneasiness and tried to calm you.

"Don't worry, yawne. I'm a great warrior. A big part of being a good warrior is being really focused on one's mission and knowing how to get by as unnoticed as possible. So many other humans in their Avatars and even many, many na'vi wouldn't notice me, either."

Neteyam still wanted to call those other humans "demons in false bodies" but he was not going to. He knew it would hurt you and make you feel like he was talking about you too. But he was not. Whenever he had called you "demon", it never meant the same thing as it would mean if he was talking about any other human. But he knew it would be hard for you to understand. So he promised himself that he would never call you "demon" again. After that eclipse night when the both of you were talking in front of your bedroom window, he realized how much it hurt you when he called you that. He hated himself for bringing you pain. And his heart hurt so badly when he thought about the possibility of you pushing him away again. It made him want to hold onto your small, frail body tightly and say "Please, don't leave me! I can't be without you again… Please…"

"If you say so… I still think I should've been more careful, though." You say, still feeling a little nervous and thinking that maybe you had not been the best student when attending to your classes about na'vi behavior and that maybe you didn't pay enough attention to warnings they may have given about being mindful of your surroundings when Dreamwalking 

"I promise it's okay. It was not your fault, yawntu. I'm just good at what I do." His smile clearly showed he was proud of being a good warrior

"Ok, then." You smiled back at him and the both of you laughed a bit.

Suddenly, he stopped smiling and his gaze dropped to your lips, that were not that far from his own lips, if it wasn't for that damn oxygen mask. You felt like he wanted to kiss you. The moment was awkward but in a good way. He could not kiss you with the mask on, so, instead, he smiled at you once again and looked down at the floor, bashful.

You touched his huge, gorgeous face and he looked up at you again "So, about what we were talking about before… Just try to be a little less… upfront about what you feel for me. I mean… sexually. I love that you want me this much because I want you too, Neteyam. A lot, actually. You're… really freaking hot." He smiled, blissful, and his cat-like eyes sparkled as he heard that, his ears perking up. "But you're a bit too much, at times. If you could just tone it down a bit…" Neteyam looked a little ashamed and insecure, so, you rubbed your thumb on his soft skin, to reassure him you still longed for him too "At least while I get used to your na'vi nature, it would be great. Please, try to understand me… It's a whole new world I'm just now discovering. But it doesn't mean I don't love you and don't want you and it doesn't mean you should feel insecure." You smiled gently, showing no teeth. 

Neteyam looked a bit sad again after you finished your sentence and you totally understood why. In his na'vi mind, you were practically rejecting him. That was who he truly was, animalistic and a bit too much to your human standards. He must feel like who he is was not enough or good in your eyes.

"Hey" You cupped his face again "I wanna do something. Just let me take this mask off, first." You wanted to reassure Neteyam of your feelings for him by giving him a kiss.

"Yawne, no! You can't breathe without it. You could die really fast! I'm not gonna let you do it."

"So you don't want a kiss, Neteyam Suli? I thought you'd want it, judging by the way you have been stalking me and by our interaction that night, outside my bedroom's window." You teased him and his face lit up

Neteyam gave you an excited smile. The way his full lips curled up as he quickly pondered about the pros and cons of your offer was so beautiful, almost hypnotizing.

God, you really were in love with that na'vi boy, weren't you? There's no going back now. He's holding your heart in his big, weird but cute, alien hands.

"I guess if we make it quick-"

"Shut up, Neteyam." You interrupted, chuckling playfully "I know you're dying to feel my lips on yours. Just help me take this mask off already." It was a bit hard for you to take the mask off while holding onto his shoulders. You knew he would not let you fall but still you wanted to still feel a bit of control and keep holding onto him too.

Neteyam got surprised by your boldness, since he did not see it coming, and he could only think about how freaking amazing it would feel to finally taste your lips, so, he did as you asked - leaving the mask hanging on your neck by the strap it had - and you rapidly held his big pretty, blue face, brought your lips to his and placed the most tender of kisses there, pressing your mouth against his mouth softly but with so much care, trying to let him feel how much you desired him too. His lips were velvety, warm and so incredibly good to kiss. God, you did not care that you were risking dying from lack of oxygen. You wanted that alien boy so badly.

Neteyam's still tense demeanor soon turned into a calmer one as he kissed you back. His hold on you got tighter as he felt your sweet soft lips on his. He felt so incredibly hungry for you. How could he not be? Your kiss was the most delicious thing he had ever felt in his whole life. You both shared saliva and wet each other's lips with each time your lips parted only slightly and came together again. Your soft skin made him want to squeeze you and never let you go again. Neteyam wanted to cuddle with you, wanted to wrap his tail around your small body in a possessive way to let you know you're his and that he would take care of you, hunt food to feed you and protect you from anything that could ever hurt you.

It was getting harder and harder for him not to lay you on the ground and press his body against your tiny one and make love to you right there but he knew that, thinking rationally, that was not a good idea at all, as the both of you were just outside a laboratory full of humans and you two could easily get caught and be in danger.

Even though Neteyam craved your body insanely, now even more than before, as he was finally feeling you close and tasting your lips, he was trying to take it as slow and gentle as he could because he wanted to respect your limits instead of scaring you away again. He understood you were human and your race acted in a very different way when it came to relationships. He still thought it to be a dumb way to lead things but it was you who was asking him to act differently and he loved you with his whole being. He could not bring himself to say "no" to that request. He knew it would be temporary and you soon would give into the na'vi that lives inside of you when it came to mating too. For you, Neteyam could wait. He knew things would soon change for the better. You were now in his arms, as the two of you kissed. You were no longer afraid of him. That was everything he needed at that moment. Things were already so much better.

Neteyam noticed you were having more and more trouble breathing, so he got worried and quickly put your oxygen mask back on.

You gasped for air and breathed in so much oxygen once you had your mask on that it might have been funny to watch, though Neteyam did not laugh. On the contrary, he seemed way too serious, way too worried about your safety. You wanted him to relax a bit.

"See how much I love you? I risked dying just to give you a kiss." You tried to speak normally but what came out of your mouth was a hoarse whisper instead, as your lungs were still in need of more air. A weak smile was adorning your lips as you struggled but still managed to let out a frail chuckle

"Don't say that, oeyä tawtute, please." Neteyam told you, trying to stay serious but still letting out a chuckle as well

"See the sacrifices I make for you, Neteyam?" You tried to seem mad at him at the beginning, only to start laughing shortly after, now that you finally had enough oxygen in your system to be able to let out an actual laugh, even if it still sounded weaker than your laughing would sound in another situation

He smiled big and teased you "Skxawng." (moron)

"But you love me." You closed your eyes while smiling, full of yourself

"I do." You opened your eyes to look at his face "More than you think, yawntu."

Your heartbeat accelerated intensely and you blushed. Neteyam found your blushed cheeks adorable. He looked at you so intensely, like he was holding the most precious thing in the world in his arms.

Neteyam knew he had just fallen even harder for you now that you both had kissed. He could not wait until he could be alone with you in a safe place and get to explore your body with his hands and kiss you all over. He almost got hard just thinking about that but he tried his hardest to whoosh that away. Neteyam was scared that feeling his bulge would be too much for you at that moment, specially since he knew he was much bigger than the human males you were used to. You might feel uncomfortable because of that difference and the sudden intimate feeling of his hard big cock against you and want to get out of his arms. Neteyam did not want that to happen. He needed you there a bit more, he was not ready to let you stand on your feet yet. And he was so afraid of you not wanting him close anymore, he was so afraid of perhaps ruining what you both had now. It was far too special for him. He could not let his sexual instincts ruin that. The time would come when you would let him in completely, when you would grant him permission to be inside of you and show you how much he craved your pussy, how much you messed with his head and awakened his most intense desires. Until then, he would wait and take baby steps. For you, he was capable of waiting for ages, though he hoped so strongly it would not take long.

༊⁀➷

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[rea-grimm]

Sleep protector Buggy

You never gave me nightmares or insomnia. You've always had a healthy self-esteem, and nothing has ever upset you. Because of all this, you were able to work your way up to being a top athlete in gymnastics. 

But that changed when your coach announced that you were among the finalists who would compete in an international competition for the title and to qualify for the Olympics. 

It was like a dream come true, but with it came worries. The new lineup, the pressure to perfect it by the deadline, and a lot of things around that. You felt like your luck had run out at that point and your house of cards was falling apart. 

You were under constant stress with minimal time to rest and relax until it gave you nightmares. You couldn't sleep at night and your body was tired. 

This took its toll on your training as you started to fall more often, failed tricks and the icing on the cake was when you fell off the bar and almost broke your leg. 

At least that gave you a week off, but even that didn't help. You felt like maybe it was worse. 

You were lying in bed listening to Spotify in your sleep. First you tried soothing nature sounds, the sound of the sea, sleep songs, then a friend even suggested tones that would put one to sleep. You felt like none of it was helping. 

You slowly started to fall asleep when you were awakened by a commercial. That's when you cursed the moment you said you didn't need premium. 

However, the commercial immediately caught your attention. It was a commercial for insomnia. Just what you needed. You were so desperate that you decided to try it and you called that night and ordered it. 

To your amazement, the package arrived the morning you woke up. You went outside for a walk and some fresh air when you almost tripped over the package. 

You took the package inside to the table and unwrapped it. Among the foam and marbles were parts of a blue teddy bear along with clothes. You stacked everything on the table next to it. 

In total, you had the teddy bear's head, body, 4 legs, vest and coat, red and white scarf, and pirate hat. Instead of the classic black nose, the teddy had a red clown nose and had white skeleton bones drawn all over his eyes. 

"Weirdest teddy bear I've ever seen," you muttered before you started sewing. You pulled all the pieces together and put his clothes on, and it only confirmed your words. 

You felt as if they had taken parts of the teddy from different boxes and mixed them together. However, the stuffed animal was nice to the touch, and for how unusual it looked, you liked it. 

That night, when you went to bed, you had the teddy bear in your bed and somehow you were already resigned to another nightmare. But you had no idea how quickly you would fall asleep with him in your arms. You thought it was your new personal best. 

As usual, in your dream you were at practice and surrounded by other people watching you like vultures even though they didn't have faces. Even in the dream, you were practicing a routine where you had trouble following the exercises. 

And now you failed and inadvertently ended up on the ground on your knees. Loud laughter and gossip at your expense echoed through the room. How incompetent you were, that you weren't up to it, that you should quit, etc. It made you want to cry. 

All of a sudden there was a cannon-like boom before a giant ore cannon and ball swept the audience away as if it were a painted canvas. All that was left of the hole was a big hole. Now there was a real, roaring applause and the leaky curtain went up. 

You were now in the middle of a mannequin in a circus tent. A juggler on a unicycle rode past you and on the other side you saw a dive beast tamer training with a giant white lion. 

But the most striking among them was a clown with blue hair who looked like a teddy bear to you. He walked over to you and with exaggerated gestures welcomed you into his circus.

You didn't even want to believe how well you woke up this morning. Full of positive energy, ready to face anything. 

All your nightmares have been replaced by circus experiences, rehearsing shows and the like. You even got to watch acrobatic performances you'd only dreamed of before. 

The stunts they performed, some of them so dangerous that you couldn't actually perform them. As you walked through the circus tent, you always caught a glimpse of the clown-nosed principal out of the corner of your eye. 

But now you were standing in the audience, watching the show unfold in the air. You felt like you couldn't take your eyes off them, and in your mind you made notes of what to try when you woke up. 

You were jolted out of your thoughts by a clown standing in front of you, blocking your view of the acrophobes. 

"Do you want to try it too? You can practice here without any problems," he offered, and you noticed the same tools you used for your routine appear in the middle of the maneuver. 

You were a little taken aback, but you agreed. You were touched by how the whole circus was trying to help you. They found you, encouraged you, and didn't beat you with a stick like some in the white world. This is where you started to enjoy the training.

You even decided to try some of the more daring stunts you've seen here. And even though they believed you, you saw the clown's hands detach from his body at the wrists and secure you in mid-air. 

Then, when you did something, it caused the others to cheer and everyone congratulated you and cheered you on, and most of all, it was a cause for celebration. 

Surprisingly, these trainings in dreams helped you in the real world. You felt as if your body knew how to move through your dreams. When to start bending when to put your arm or leg in a way that would work.

In fact, your coach was surprised at how well you were now performing. He had no idea that you could shake off the stress and improve so quickly. 

You were proud of yourself for that, and you mentally thanked the clown and the others even more for helping and encouraging you.

Slowly the day of the competition approached and you began to get slightly nervous even in your dreams, despite the efforts of the others. Eventually it culminated in your clown protector putting on a surprise performance just for you. 

It was an amazing show full of stunts you hadn't seen before, and it ended with a huge celebration full of food and drink. 

At that moment, you forgot that the competition was two days away. Instead, you were having fun and laughing your heart out. 

Now you sat there in the middle of the crowd, leaning on Richie while Mohji and Cabaji debated who could make you laugh the hardest. Your protector sat next to you and smiled smugly. He seemed satisfied with the way things were going. 

"I have a little advice for you. If you unseam the teddy bear apart, then I'll be able to help you more," he said, and at first you had no idea what he was talking about. How could he know about the teddy bear? 

However, that morning when you woke up, you listened to him. You unseam the teddy apart so that the parts you had first connected held nothing. 

But what surprised you most was that the teddy bear held together without anything holding it. It was strange to you, but you didn't complain. 

It was the night before the big contest, but you couldn't find the bear anywhere. So you went to bed without it, and for the first time in a long time, you had a sleepless night. 

For the first time in a long time, you didn't dream about circuses or the pirate clown. 

Still, you woke up in the morning well rested and ready. Although mentally, you could use the support of your protector. 

The rest of the day played out like a fast-forward movie, with not a moment to worry. 

Now you stood among the other competitors, waiting your turn. When your name was called, you entered the starting line. You took a deep breath and ran your eyes over the guests. You thought you saw him there among all the people. 

You closed your eyes and calmed down. The music started, and your body automatically began to move in rehearsed steps. You didn't even have to think about it. The whole thing just happened. 

You didn't even realize it was over. You thought you'd only just begun, but the three-quarter applause and cheers from the audience convinced you otherwise. You bowed and left to make room for the next contestant. 

Now there was a moment of pause, when you could breathe a sigh of relief. You knew you'd given it your best shot and how you would place was in the stars. 

To your surprise, you came in first place with almost a full score. You couldn't believe it, you were overjoyed. You received a gold medal along with flowers and an official invitation to participate in the next Olympics. 

After a long time of full congratulations and interviews, you finally got to your dressing room to catch your breath. But when you opened the door, you were in for a pleasant surprise. 

"Buggy?" You asked in surprise, a smile spreading across your face. You couldn't believe your eyes and you thought you were dreaming. 

"In all its glory," he replied smugly. "You did great. I knew you could do it," he complimented you. You couldn't take it anymore and jumped into his arms and hugged him. You were so happy he was there with you. 

"Thank you..." you thanked him over and over again. You kissed him on the lips before laying your head on his shoulder. Buggy was momentarily speechless, glad you didn't see how red his nose was. 

"T-That was nothing," he stammered, hugging you too." I'm a big Buggy. That was a small thing," he began confidently, but then he started to bleat and stomp on his tongue.

Buggy Masterlist

Sleep Protector Masterlist

[swanimagines]

The Bastard and the Blood Princess [Chapter 10]

Read it on AO3 | Read it on Wattpad

You had to do it. You had to ignore the memories.

Your father trusted you. You needed to do the deed, you weren’t that child anymore who had found a friend from a boy you tricked.

You were now both monsters in Ketterdam. And one of you had to go, the city wasn’t big enough for both of you.

So why it was so fucking difficult?

You had set your mind on it. Looked for ways to trap Kaz, trick him, snatch a weapon and hide it inside your clothes. But now, looking at Kaz made you think about that.

That little game you had played with Kaz.

The one with those old buttons and a wooden board, you couldn’t remember how the game went, but Kaz had taught it to you. You frowned, why did any of this matter? You had a mission, and you needed to proceed with it.

You followed Kaz through the hallways. your eyes fixed forward but your thoughts swam in your long-forgotten memories. You knew your steps probably echoed through the hallway as you marched forward, but you could only hear little Kaz’s laughter as you sat together on the floor, playing.

He stopped abruptly as you reached the party, making you collide with his back. He turned slightly, glaring at you. “Watch it.”

You stepped back, clasping your hands behind your back. “Sorry.”

He clenched his jaw, leaning towards you slightly. “We’ll get uniforms for Inej and Arken next, but we need a reason to visit the laundry room.”

You narrowed your eyes, trying to think. “One of us will distract the others, and in the meantime the other slips there?”

He shook his head. “No, we need to have an actual reason to visit there.”

His gaze swept over the room, people going by you, giggling and swaying, having drank just a little too much.

“What about–” you started, but Kaz held up his hand.

“Wait here.”

He started walking again, and soon disappeared around the corner. You closed your eyes, grimacing.

Focus, damn it. Neither of you weren’t children anymore, your personal feelings about what had been and what could have been if things were different didn’t matter anymore. You were the Blood Princess. Failing your mission because of having second thoughts wasn’t an option.

But you couldn’t help but think about all those moments you could have killed Kaz, and didn’t take the opportunity. As if that little girl in a silk dress would have cried out without you knowing it was her, telling you not to do it.

You thought you were stronger than her by now. She was your past, but wasn’t your present nor your future.

Right?

You stood in place for quite some time, staring forward, trying to look like you’re keeping an eye on the guests. But as time just kept going by, you decided it was better to move than just stand there, and turned the corner. Two Grisha fed each other muffins near you and laughed, people swayed from side to side, taking support from the walls. It was a big party, that much was clear. A party to show off the Sun Summoner.

Allegedly, Kaz’s voice reminded you in your head.

“Damn you, Kaz, where are you again?” you muttered, cursing some more under your breath. You knew that making your way deeper into the party could be risky, you could get lost. Be left here while others fled with the Sun Summoner. You had no doubts they’d leave you here — maybe Inej would object a little, seeing you had been no harm so far. It was strange, you had a feeling she had gone through a lot and hadn’t spoken to you directly at all, but she was the only one who didn’t glare at you with distrust.

Then, like on cue, you felt a hand on your shoulder and turned around to see Inej. 

Of course he went without you.

You stared at each other for a moment, not speaking, before she nodded towards the party and you started walking there together, side by side. After a moment, Inej stopped and you saw Kaz standing there, staring at the stage where the Sun Summoner stood with General Kirigan. A young girl, a shu. You had to admit that you didn’t expect either of those things. Kaz leaned towards the two of you.

“Lights create an illusion of moving light. One of the Infernis is hiding somewhere, helping it look real — a perfect illusion. People so desperately need someone who could finally make the Fold disappear that they’ll believe anything. A skillfully placed trick of light and dark, it will fool everyone here,” Kaz muttered, causing Inej to glare at him and walk away. Kaz looked after her for a moment and then his eyes briefly flickered to you. “Stay close. I want to keep an eye on you.”

You huffed. “What exactly are you thinking I’d manage to do, all alone?”

He was quiet for a moment, watching as Kirigan made his theatrical speech and made the room go dark. And just before the chatter in the room got silenced, he muttered, “I still wouldn’t put any chances past any Rollins. You should know that by now.”

You rolled your eyes at that. Nothing hadn’t changed, or then Kaz tried to suppress it, desperate to hate you, whatever you did. Why does he drag me along, then, you wondered, stealing a glance on Kaz. Does he feel the familiarity too? 

You sighed and focused on watching the show.

General Kirigan clapped his hands once, and the room got engulfed in shadow and darkness. You couldn’t see a thing, and it made the hairs on your arms stand up. Just for a moment, you expected to hear screams of terror, it being a trap.

But then, a light illuminated the whole room. A small light ball, looking like a small sun, floated in the air, illuminating the girl’s face. You frowned, wondering if Kaz saw any trickery. Because you sure didn’t, the light came from her, no doubt about that.

The show only lasted for about a minute, and immediately after it, Kaz gestured for Inej to join you again.

“We are going to tell her that she’s been requested to join dinner, and walk her there. But we will instead take her outside and stuff her into the trunk before anyone sees anything,” he explained, glancing back at the Sun Summoner as she was led away.

“She’s real,” Inej whispered. “What if…”

He interrupted her harshly, “We will carry on with the plan, otherwise…”

He fell silent, swallowing. You frowned, he was hiding something. Could be useful. If you even had the guts to carry on with the plan anymore.

You shook your head, suppressing a scoff at yourself. Of course you had the guts. You had to have.

But that damn little girl inside you kept trying to plead otherwise, and she was increasingly hard to ignore. She was your past, you tried to remind yourself. Your friendship with Kaz was your past. And you highly doubted Kaz would feel otherwise if you told him who you really were. He definitely wouldn’t cry out your name and rush to hug you, he’d probably look at you for a moment, not caring about it, scoffing a question about if you think it has any importance for the mission. He’d be cold, distanced about it. Or maybe him finding out about it could make him hate you more — even his best friend had actually been against him. 

And after thinking about those possible scenarios, you obviously didn’t want to find out if your guesses were the truth. And you knew it, Kaz would never get to find out who you really were, how you had first met. It would ruin too many things. He would be left to think you met each other years later, when your childish features had melted away, and adulthood and years of hardening yourselves had taken over.

Kaz nodded his head towards the hallway where the Sun Summoner was walking, and you marched to meet her.

“Miss Starkov,” Kaz stated, staring down at her. “We’ve been ordered to walk you to dinner.”

She frowned, turning to look behind her. “But I thought…” She then looked between the three of you and smiled. “Well, actually I am getting hungry.”

You stepped aside as Kaz gestured for her to step in front of you, and you slowly began walking behind her. But you didn’t even get to walk for ten seconds before General Kirigan himself appeared from behind the corner, standing in front of you.

He smiled at you, then at her. “Thank you. I’ll take her from here.”

You watched as the General gave her flowers and let her take his arm, and Kaz took in a deep breath. “Alright, plan B. We’ll go–” he started, but at that moment you caught an Inferni staring at you from the crowd. “Scratch that, plan F. We’ll distract that Inferni and meet at the front yard.”

You separated from each other on that moment and as soon as you had blended into the crowd, you looked back. The Inferni was marching the way Kaz had gone, and there was no doubt on what he was going to do. You looked towards the exit, then back at the hallway, seeing the Inferni turn the corner.

He would kill Kaz, you knew it. It wouldn’t be you who did it, but it would do the job anyway. You knew your father would be glad about it as long as he would die and not meddle with his plans anymore. The way how he would die didn’t matter.

You could just… leave him. And trust the Inferni does the job for you.

But, before you could even look towards the exit again, your legs were taking you towards the direction Kaz and the Inferni were going.

As you reached the end of the hallway, you peeked into the room, which was a small chapel. You saw the Inferni walking on benches, summoning fire into his hand, and you felt your heart pounding faster. You closed your eyes for a moment and sucked in a breath, before you entered the chapel and ducked behind the benches, slowly making your way to the front of the chapel as you heard the Inferni rant about spiders. You didn’t really concentrate on his words, blood was rushing in your ears, adrenaline pounding in your body. You hadn’t sneaked around like this and played with death for a long time, you knew that if anyone saw you crawling there, you would be turned into ash in seconds.

Suddenly, as you had reached the front altar, you heard a whack and froze before carefully peeking up. Kaz stood above the Inferni, holding him down with his good leg.

“Unlike spiders, I only need one good leg. However, you…” he growled and slammed the heavy pillar on the Inferni’s shoulder and continued, “look like you need both hands.”

He then knocked the Inferni out and let out a breath, before he started limping towards where he came from. You were just about to catch up to him and brace to hear his scolds about following him, but then the Inferni suddenly stood up and grabbed a fireball from the candles next to him. 

Your eyes widened, blood rushed in your ears again, and everything slowed down. Without thinking it much, you grabbed a quill from the altar and charged at the Inferni, he turned around just in time to see you before you showed the quill into his neck. He howled in pain, before grabbing your arm, burning through your costume. You screamed, feeling the costume melt into your skin, but you refused to let go, just pushing the quill further into his neck, twisting it to line it up with his neck artery before pulling it out and stabbing again.

Blood began rushing out, splattering onto your face and the Inferni’s eyes widened, before he started gurgling out blood. You smirked, feeling his grip on your forearm loosen as life began to dim in his eyes.

You leaned in, whispering, “I’d tell you to not mess up with my people if you would be left alive. But sadly, your story ends worse than just a nasty scar.”

In moments, the Inferni went limp and fell onto the floor, coughing out blood and you pulled the quill out, letting the blood drain out faster.

Kaz stared at you, and you looked up, wiping your blood-stained cheek, sighing. “Shall we go?”

Kaz nodded and glanced up as Inej jumped down. She took a long look at you before you three made your way towards the back. You glanced at the entrance of the chapel as you heard shouts, by no doubt other guards coming to check what was the noise from the chapel, and they’d find that body and a massive manhunt would be rung out. After a set of narrow hallways, you made it to the back door and were finally out.

Kaz seemed to spot Jesper first, who looked at the carriage and shaking, as if he was sobbing or… laughing? You quickened your steps towards him, before he turned. He looked at you and Kaz looking disheveled, the blood on your cheek, and frowned. “Is everything alright?”

Inej breathed out. “She’s real, Jesper. She made the light sing.”

Kaz scowled, looking up. “We lost her.”

Jesper laughed. “Did we?”

You all frowned at him, but Jesper just started walking towards the carriage. Kaz called out, “Jesper?”

“Just ask.”

They got up, and Jesper looked at Kaz again. “Just ask.”

Kaz scoffed. “Fine. Do we know the location of our target?”

Jesper smirked, and almost gave the horses an order to start moving, but then you cleared your throat. “Oh. Sorry, love, no space up here. You’ll need to go back to the carriage. But it’s mostly a nice thing, you can take a nap, the seats are really soft, seeing that–”

“Figured,” you mumbled and climbed into the carriage. Secretly, you were relieved that you got to be alone and as you sat down, you cleaned your face into your cloak and glanced at your burn. It was numb, indicating nerve damage. Nothing you could do about it now. As soon as the carriage started moving, you pressed your face into your hands, rubbing your temples.

What on earth had gotten into you? That was a perfect opportunity, a perfect way to get the job done, and you blew it. Because of that little girl inside you, who apparently still thought you could still befriend Kaz. Or more — he had been your first, and to this day only, crush as well, which had greatly annoyed your father. Any romantic feelings hadn’t been awakened in you. Or at least… you wanted to believe so.

You slapped yourself, get it together, you’re the Blood Princess, for fuck’s sake. You lifted your eyes to look at the roof, before you laid your head against the headrest. Maybe Jesper’s suggestion was a good one, maybe a nap would clear your head. You hadn’t slept at all after that night at that motel with Kaz, maybe that was the reason why you had such foolish thoughts?

You closed your eyes, letting a semblance of sleep claim you, and only hope you’d have new determination for your mission, or whatever you’d do, or need to go through, when you’d wake up.

---

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[bambikisss]

Could've been:: Yuta

-> Song: Could've been - H.E.R

-> You tried your hardest to avoid Yuta as much as possible following your harsh breakup. After being paired with him for a performance, you try to make it through it without bringing up the feelings that you tried to keep down.

-> Warnings: Angst, lots of cursing, mentions of slight alcohol addiction

-> Smut warnings: Unprotected sex, biting, slight tying up, multiple rounds, slight public, Yuta cursing in Japanese, mile-high club, exes-to-lovers, hair pulling, slight spit, barely any plot (lol), hair pulling

A/N: Do you guys ever look at Yuta and just "👀" that's how I feel. NOT PROOFREAD

Look me in my eyes, don't that feel nice? Why should it end?

What could've been is a question that everyone would love to be answered.

The big "What if?"

What if you had joined that first record company that scouted you when you were 14? Would you have been a star at such a young age? What if you didn't blow up into a star now? What would you be doing now? What about all the people you met along the way?

What if you didn't meet the people you had met? Would you still be the same?

"Y/N, please report to the stage."

Would you be in the same position you are in now? Practicing to perform in front of a sold-out crowd in a week at a concert your company was hosting? Only the universe knows at this point.

"Alright, you'll be on stage 4 by yourself." You nodded in that direction, moving yourself to the small circular stage in the audience. You admired the large stadium that would soon be filled with fans, smiling as you began to stretch. You wanted to be calm and ready to learn choreography.

"Nice downward dog, Y/N."

You paused at the compliment, your body erupting into goosebumps as you slowly rose up to face the person. You felt your heart stop as you made eye contact with him, the world seemingly pausing to taunt you.

Yuta Nakamoto. One of your biggest what if's.

You dated him when you first joined the company. He was so sweet and swept you off your feet every chance he got. He was your best friend and biggest supporter, often swinging by after his own events to see yours. It was the best 3 years of your life.

Then, he went back to Japan.

You didn't have a problem with being long-distance- you loved and trusted him. But, it seemed like he changed when he went away. Phone calls and texts became sparse, choosing to live in the moment instead of paying his girlfriend any attention. He had even begun drinking, a bit too much in your opinion; you could understand a drink every once and a while, but to have one every day? When you expressed your concern to him, he blew up on you and a long argument ensued. He called you controlling, you called him selfish for just running away to Japan and ignoring you like you didn't matter to him for the past three years. It was one of the hardest times for you; the fight lasted for a straight week. It seemed like you both couldn't talk without going back to the argument and starting it back up constantly. So, you ended it. Yuta didn't put up a fight, responding simply to your breakup text with "Okay."

That marked the last time you spoke to him, going two years without seeing him. Now, he stood in front of you, looking the same way he did when you both first met.

"You look well, Y/N. Haven't seen you in a while." He complimented as his eyes roamed your body, flickering down your clothes before meeting your eyes once more with a small smirk. You only shook your head and rolled your eyes before turning your back to him, resuming your stretch. 'Yeah, it has been a while since you've seen me', you thought. 'Last time you saw me was before you ran back to Japan.'

As moved down to stretch your legs, you could feel Yuta's eyes burning into you, watching your every move carefully. You were proven right when you glanced behind to see him shamelessly checking you out, occasionally biting his lip as he observed. You tried to focus back on your stretch, your ears only focusing on whatever Yuta was mumming in Japanese under his breath. You wanted to ask him what he was cursing at so much, but you also didn't want to give him any sort of attention, so you finished stretching. When you were done, you stood up watching as the dance teacher walked onto the main stage, ready to teach the choreography.

All you had to do was make it through this, and then you'd be home free.

"Alright, let's get started."

~ () ~

"I can't get this one part, fuck."

You sighed as you tried to do the same dance part again, only to almost trip over your foot. The choreographer sighed before saying "Yuta, you got the move down. Help Y/N get it." You tried to refuse, your words falling onto def ears as he walked away, leaving you with Yuta who was trying to hold back a smirk. "I don't bite Y/N, you know this." He stood in front of you as you tried to move again, catching you when you almost tripped forward. Yuta took a moment to think over what you just did, furrowing his brow while he played the move over and over in his head before he gently gripped your shoulders. You paused at the feeling, meeting his eyes with confusion before he cut you off.

"Switch one foot first, then the other. You're trying to do both at the same time." You let out a soft "what?" as he spoke, trying to do the move again, only for the same result to happen. Yuta shook his head before moving behind you, kicking your legs open as he pressed his chest to your back, his mouth hovering over your ear. "The feet are on a different set of counts than the rest of the dance. You're trying to speed up when you shouldn't be. Here," he counted softly into your ear as he moved his feet with yours, leading you around the dance. You tried to not focus on the fact that your ex had his chest to your back leading you into a dance, but it was all you could focus on. When Yuta noticed, he snapped his fingers before you, asking if you were paying attention, knowing you weren't.

"You know, for someone who values work so much, you aren't focusing well right now," Yuta's breath gently hit your ear as you completed the move, pressing more of his body to your back to get closer to you. His words made your body heat up from annoyance, shoving him away from you before spinning around to face him, your eyes fiercely scanning Yuta's shocked face.

"Rich coming from someone who runs away when things are good and drinks his problems away." You could see a flash of pain move across Yuta's face before narrowing his eyes, stepping back up to you with eyes full of annoyance. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me, Nakamoto. Leave me alone because I have more insults like that one." You didn't mean to come off so angry; maybe it was your pent-up anger you had developed over time orwas his comment. But, whatever it was, it made you hot and you needed to leave him before you said something you knew you couldn't take back.

~ * ~

"Let me see if I have a bigger sized leather jacket, Y/N. I want you to feel comfortable while dancing."

You thanked your stylist before turning in the mirror to check on your appearance, sighing as you rolled your head, stretching lightly. You had been practicing all week long and your body was tense now. You couldn't wait for the performance to be over so you could get a deep massage and just relax some more.

As your eyes opened to look at yourself in the mirror, meeting your eyes with Yuta as he entered your room. He paused as you stiffened, chuckling softly as he watched you slowly relax. "Are you alright, Y/N? You seem to act like you've seen a ghost."

"At least if you were a ghost, then you'd be invisible," you grumbled under your breath. You ran a hand through your hair as he made his way past you, sitting down in the chair next to yours, taking out his phone to busy himself. You raised your eyebrow before walking over to him, kicking his chair so he could look up at you. "What are you doing here, Yuta? Don't you have your own room?" He shook his head, tilting his head up to the mirror that had his name on it in the corner. "Nope, I'm supposed to be in here with you. Aren't you happy to be with me?"

"No, actually, I hate it," you grumbled. You began to take off your jacket, planning out in your head what to say to your stylist as an excuse, pausing when your jacket didn't come off your shoulders. It felt too tight, squeezing your arms tightly. As you struggled to take it off, Yuta watched from his chair before sighing, mumbling for you to let him help you. When you felt his hand make contact with your arm, you jolted away from him, bluntly asking him what he was doing.

Yuta let out a small "helping you" before he moved behind you, pulling the jacket carefully down your arms as you tried to shimmy away. As his fingers graced your skin, goosebumps came behind his movements. He raised an eyebrow at your body's reaction before pausing once the jacket was around your wrists, moving to stand in front of you with a small smirk on his face.

"Yuta, what the fuck are you doing?" You tried to remove your hands from the tight restraints, pausing once Yuta came back into your view, sinking to his knees in front of you, his eyes meeting yours. His eyes were filled with what you could only recognize as lust and need; you had seen it before so many times throughout your relationship. It took you a second before you realized what he wanted, biting your lip as his hands moved to gently massage your thighs. Despite how much hate you had for him, your body still reacted to his touch; spreading your legs so he could pull down your sweatpants, his teeth then moving to pull down your underwear slowly.

He gently placed kisses on your thigh as he removed one of your legs from the sweatpants, placing it onto his shoulder, nipping at the skin before he looked back up at you, meeting your eyes. At his teasing, you couldn't help but roll your eyes, your calf flexing against his shoulder to pull him closer. Yuta got the hint, chuckling before placing his mouth against you, his tongue moving around your wet cunt before humming at your taste.

"That's it, Y/N. You taste so fucking sweet, just the way I like." He moaned praises into you as he continued to wrap his lips around your clit, his hands moving to grip your hips so you couldn't move away from his ministrations. You couldn't help but toss your head back as he moved faster, winning at the angle. You wanted more of him; you needed more of him. Yuta could tell, pausing to pick you up before placing you on the counter, dropping back to his knees before placing your legs back onto his shoulders, placing his face back into you. He pulled one of his hands from your hips before placing it into his mouth, covering it in his saliva before pushing two into you, moving his movements faster. You let your eyes shut as the feeling of pleasure filled your senses, making your hips move against his face as he moved faster, feeling the coil in your stomach begin to snap. Yuta noticed, curling his fingers in you before humming around your clit as you came.

You shuddered against his mouth as he moved to quickly clean you up, murmuring praises as you freed one of your hands, moving it into his hair to hold him closer to you as he did so.

He soon pulled back, watching as you tried to calm down as he licked his lips, removing your wetness from his lips and face. Once you did, he moved to help you get dressed before he helped you stand up, pulling the jacket from around your wrists, freeing your hands. "I'll take this back to the racks. I'm sure this is too small for you." You watched as he shot you a wink before walking over to the door, leaving you with the aftershocks of the orgasm in the empty room. You took a moment to relax before your stylist came back in, holding a leather jacket that looked more your size than the other one. "Here you go, Y/N. Oh, and have you seen Yuta? I have to style him too."

You paused at her question, putting on the jacket as you turned to look in the mirror, your mind thinking back to what just happened, holding back the smile that was trying to come to your lips. "Nope, I haven't seen him at all."

~*~

"After all that heartbreak and all the crying you did, you let Yuta get on his knees in front of you and eat you out like it was nothing?!"

You paused at your best friend's loud words, pulling the phone from your ear as you made your way through security, hissing at her to shut up as you entered the plane. You knew she was right; you cried to her for months after you and Yuta broke up, but all he had to do was just get you alone and get on his knees and you became putty in his hands like it was nothing. It was something you were sure that you would never feel again, especially for him, but you were wrong.

"Speaking of heartbreak, how does it feel going to Japan after so long? I know it may be kinda hard for you since this is where Yuta, you know, ran off to." You felt a pang of hurt move through your body at her words, biting your lip as you made your way through the seats to first class, sitting down with a small sigh before resting your head against the window. You hadn't really thought about it as you had been so focused on the performance. At your silence, your best friend let out her own sigh before saying "Look, just promise me that you won't do anything you'll regret, okay? I don't want to have to comfort you again after Yuta breaks your heart."

"So B/F/N still doesn't like me?" You paused before turning to face Yuta, who was placing his carry-on in the overhead luggage area before sitting down next to you. You quickly ended the call before you cleared your throat, apologizing for whatever he may have heard your friend say. He only shrugged, pulling down his food tray before he turned to you. "Even when we were together, she told you to be weary of me. I didn't expect her opinion of me to change." You nodded at his words, pulling down your own tray before focusing on the menu, hoping to distract yourself from him. As the flight attendant came to you both to take your food orders, Yuta spoke up before you could. "We'll both have the Vegetable Curry with Japanese Potatoes and Onions with Royal Blue Tea." As the attendant left with the order, you asked him how he knew what you wanted, making him shrug. "You always get the same thing on planes."

"What if I wanted something different?" you huffed, making Yuta snort lightly. "The only other option was JAL's Special Chicken Soba Noodle, "Soranoiro-style", and the last time you got it, you hated it so much that you made me finish it for you." You bit the inside of your cheek at the memory, nodding before turning to look out the window as the plane took flight, leaving you in the air with him.

After finishing dinner, you made your way into the bathroom, hoping to get ready to get some sleep. You had switched between eating and having a conversation with Yuta, the conversation between you both flowing easily as it did when you both were together. You couldn't help but feel conflicted; a part of you still hated him for what he had done to you by just leaving for Japan and shutting you out. However, a different part of you yearned for him back- the fact that he was back in your company and seemed to still remember the little things you liked and didn't, along with how he seemed like he still wanted you in that dressing room somehow gave you hope.

Before you could leave the bathroom, the plane began to shake, the harsh turbulence making you fall back into the small room's walls. You tried to push yourself out of the room, only to fall backward again. "Y/N?" You paused as the bathroom door swung open, allowing Yuta to come in before he closed it behind him again, gripping the doorknob as you asked what he was doing. "Checking on you. I know you hate turbulence so I want to make sure you were alright."

"Why do you care, Yuta? We aren't together!" You hissed, a flash of pain moving across his face before he straightened up, his face deadpanning as he apologized, sarcasm lacing his words. He began to make his way out of the bathroom, stopping when a particularly hard movement made him fall backward, making him cage you in between his arms so he didn't crash into you. You looked up at him as his arms were beside your head, looking down at you with the same look he gave you back in the dressing room a few days prior. The air became thick as your lips messily smashed into his, smirking against his lips at the moan he released. He moved one of his hands to your hip, gripping it tightly as the kiss became messy; a mix of teeth and tongue as he pulled you closer against his body, his hands moving around your body to roughly tug away your clothes, you doing the same. As his shirt hit the floor, your hands moved to his hair, tugging on it as he picked you up, pinning your back against the wall as your legs wrapped around his body, leaving him only in his underwear while you were naked. "As much as I love the sounds you're making, princess," he whispered, his kisses moving down your neck as you gently tugged on his hair, making him moan softly. "You need to be quiet- we don't want anyone coming in here to ruin this for us, don't we?"

You nodded as he moved you to the sink, placing you back onto your feet before turning you around to face the mirror as his lips moved down your neck, bending you over the sink slowly as his lips moved down your spine, ghosting kisses as you whimpered softly. He gently sunk his teeth into your skin, his teeth then moving to soothe it before he sat up, moving his hand to grip the back of your throat, moving your head up to meet his eyes in the mirror. "What do you want, Y/N? Talk to me."

You couldn't help but mewl as his hand moved around your throat to the front, applying slight pressure to your throat as he kept you still. Yuta shook his head, letting out a small "tsk" before his free hand moved to swat at your ass, his rings leaving a cold sting. "Don't tell me you already forgot about how to speak when I haven't done anything yet."

"Please, Yuta, come on. Fuck me, please," you bit your lip as his hands left your body, pushing down his underwear before he gently pressed himself against you, making you moan softly. "Who is about to fuck you, Y/N?"

You met his eyes once more as he continued to grind against you, clouding your mind as he his hard cock kept making contact with your wetness. He repeated his question, smirking when you gently whispered out his name. "Whose pussy does this belong to, hm? Who is the only person who can fuck this pussy good, baby? Who taught you how to feel good?" Before you could respond to his words, he pushed into you slowly, causing you to choke softly on your words. Yuta placed his hands on your hips as he began to move roughly, his ringed fingers swatting at your ass every time you clenched around him. You bit your lip to hold in your moans as he hit all the right spots, making you feel like you wanted to melt. "There we go, Y/N. Fall apart for me on my cock, just like you were made to do. Fuck, just for me, only for me." He pressed his chest against your back as he sped up, leaning down to bite your shoulder to hold in his own moans as you fucked him back.

While everyone else on the plane was so worried about the turbulence that still shook the plane, you were only focused on Yuta's movements and keeping quiet; you swore your lip began to bleed from how hard you were biting it. You leaned your head back to rest on his shoulder, placing kisses on his ear.

"Can't, Yuta. I can't keep quiet, too good." Yuta nodded, feeling the same way. He pulled back before turning you around, picking you up to place your legs around his waist as he pinned your back against the wall before slipping right back in. He chuckled against your lips as you hurriedly kissed him, cursing softly in Japanese you dug your nails into his back, dragging them up his back to his shoulders. "You feel so good, Y/N, so good for me. Such a fucking great pussy for me."

"Yuta, you feel so good," you couldn't help but admit, resting your head against his shoulder as he sped up, his hands digging into your thighs while the rings began to press down into your skin. Yuta loved the way your skin felt against his; the way he remembered and loved. The way you clouded his mind every time you clenched around him, whispered his name and begged for him to move faster drove him crazy. He couldn't help but smash his lips back into yours, cursing softly before announcing he was close, his heart swelling when you whimpered that you were too.

One of his hands moved up to your mouth, two fingers moving into your mouth to gather your spit before placing your fingers against your clit, praising you as his hips pounded into you. He needed you, needed to feel you fall apart on his cock. As you came, he fell apart too, pressing his body against yours as you both scrambled to touch one another, pressing breathy open-mouthed kisses to any skin that you both could touch.

"You did so well for me, Y/N, felt just as good as I remembered." You hummed at his words, holding onto him as he placed you down on the ground, helping you clean up and get dressed before doing the same for himself. As he fixed his belt, he watched as you made your way to the mirror, trying to fix your hair so no one would say anything about it. He murmured a small "here, let me," before fixing your hair for you, carefully running his hands through it until it looked nice. He gently let his hand move from your hair to cup your cheek, his thumb moving to gently rub your cheek. "You still have that beautiful glow to you, huh Y/N?"

Your heart couldn't help but leap at his words, your eyes slowly tearing up at the feeling. The feeling you had been chasing for a long from Yuta, you were now getting; and while that same part of you was still mad at him, the other part of you that wanted him back was overcoming you.

"All passengers please report back to your seats as we are now passing through the clouds. We apologize for the turbulence."

Yuta cleared his throat before removing his hand, heading to the door before he looked back at you. "Wait a good five minutes before you come back out." Yuta left before you could say anything, leaving you with your emotions in the quiet room, just like it had started. You turned to the mirror to try and calm down, taking a deep breath before exiting the bathroom, returning to your seat. You turned to him to try to start the much-needed conversation between you two but paused when you noticed he was asleep. You sighed before deciding to do the same, one thought on your mind: What if?

~***~

The universe had a funny way of answering your question.

Once you landed in Japan, you joined everyone outside to get your hotel assignments, eager to get more sleep in an actual bed. However, your dreams were dashed when your manager announced that the event didn't book you a room, leaving you basically room-less in Japan. Before you could ask if you could share a room with your manager, Yuta interrupted you, saying you could stay with him as he had booked an Airbnb instead of a hotel room, and the place had two rooms. You sighed before accepting his offer, realizing that this is probably the universe giving you an opportunity to talk to Yuta about your feelings; the good and the bad.

Now you were regretting that choice.

You sat up on the couch as Yuta moved around the kitchen, humming whatever song was currently playing on the radio. The place felt comfortable and homey, which made your feelings feel even more complicated; it reminded you of all the talks of moving in together and the nights spent in your home baking randomly late at night and-

"Y/N?" You jumped as Yuta waved his hand in front of your face, holding a serving tray with two plates of Tonkatsu in the other. At your reaction, he chuckled, placing the tray down in front of you on the small coffee table before moving to turn on the tv. You thanked him as he sat down next to you, handing you one of the bowls before he grabbed the other one, flipping through the channels to find a show you both would like. "Is there anything you'd like to watch, Y/N? Anything popping out at you?"

"Does it matter, Yuta? I can't understand a lick of Japanese so I won't be able to understand what's going on," Yuta laughed softly before shaking his head, choosing a movie before he began eating. "I'll put on subtitles for you, though, some may not have any. I'll translate for you if needed Y/N." You thanked him before you both began eating enjoying the movie and the comfortable silence. You truly felt at peace with him.

When a scene came on later and the subtitles stopped popping up, you pouted, making him chuckle. "I'll translate, for you." Yuta placed the bowls down before he turned to you, perfectly translating for you the conversation that was happening on screen. You turned to make eye contact with him, your breath hitching at the absolute love in his eyes.

Yuta continued to translate. "You're the best thing I've ever known, Ms. Takahashi. I'd follow you to the ends of the earth. Why? Because I love you."

"Yuta..."

"And I know I've made some mistakes Ms. Takahashi, and I'd spend the rest of my life if that's what it takes to win you back because life has been hell without you. I was so stupid to take what love you offered for granted and I lost out on the love of my life and every day I regret it."

You were sure that Yuta was no longer translating the scene, the movie already moving to commercial as he spoke.

"Because Y/N... Because I love you."

You couldn't tell who really moved forward to start the kiss; maybe it was you, maybe it was him, or maybe it was both of you due to the pent-up emotions. Yuta hummed against your lips before pulling you onto his lap, his hands moving to grip your body as your hands moved into his hair, tugging on it. You whimpered his name as he kissed around your neck, leaving behind hickies as his hands moved to grip your ass, his rings digging into your flesh as he pulled you as close as he could.

"Missed having you close, baby. Couldn't stop thinking about how you'd let someone else touch you like this- no, pleasing you like this. Drove me up a fucking wall," Yuta growled into your neck before biting down, making you moan his name loudly. "That too, baby. The idea that you'd be moaning someone else's name so fucking sweetly kept me up at night."

"Yuta, hurry up and fuck me," you moaned, yelping as his hand once more made contact with your ass before he laid you down on the couch, his hands moved to push up your top as his lips moved to kiss around your stomach. At your demand, he roughly pulled off your shirt, his hands moving to quickly grip your breasts as he massaged them, slapping one of them before he worked on ripping off your bra. "Have some patience, baby. I promise you I'll fuck you, but all you gotta be good for me; let me have my way with you and I'll make sure you won't be able to go to practice tomorrow." He leaned down to kiss you softly, sealing his promise as his hands moved to pull your breasts from your bra, giving way for him to gently massage them. He moved to kiss down your neck, his tongue moving to trace his movements as he chose one breast, swirling around the nipple lightly before he wrapped his lips around it, his free hand moving to play with the other one before he switched.

He pulled back to kiss back down your body, slowly untying your pants as you pulled away his top, tossing it somewhere in the room as he did the same to your pants. "Come here, baby" He pulled you back in for a kiss before he laid back down on the couch, motioning for you to come to sit on his face, which you obligated. As you slowly sunk down to his mouth, you moaned softly, letting your eyes roll back as his tongue around your wet cunt, pulling back to spit onto it before diving back in, holding you down onto his mouth.

"That's it, baby, ride my face while you shake around my fucking tongue," he moaned, his hands moving to smack your ass as you moved faster, whimpering his name as he moved faster. Before you could cum, though, he picked you up from his face, smashing his lips back into yours so you could taste yourself as he led you down the hallway. Yuta was almost animalistic and demanding with his movements; ripping away leftover clothing that was keeping you from him, his lips keeping on yours until you fell back onto the bed, caging you on the bed with his own body.

Yuta pulled back from your lips as a string of saliva connected you both, his hands moving to cup your face before slowly moving down your body to your thighs, hiking it up to his waist before doing the same with the other. "I'm going to fuck you hard, Y/N. I'm going to need you to keep your eyes on me- don't look away."

You nodded as he slowly pushed into you, your eyes rolling back as his own hips rolled to meet yours. He bit his lip as you moaned his name, his hand moving to grip your face as he began to roll his hips, his cock moving deliciously in you. "You don't seem to listen to instructions, Y/N, my god. Still as stubborn as you used to be, huh?" Yuta paused his movements at your objection, raising an eyebrow before he slammed back into you, making you grip the sheets as he continued his rough pace. "Looks like I'm going to have to teach you all over again some manners, huh princess? I've been nothing but so generous to you and yet you still back-talk me like a slut, maybe I should treat you like it."

You yelped as he flipped you over to your stomach, his hands moving to grip your hips roughly as he moved his pace faster, tossing the pillow away before you could press your face into it. "Don't hide from me, Y/N. It's just you and me, babygirl. Fuck, you feel so good." You couldn't help but grip the sheets as he sped up, the headboard now slamming against the wall as the room filled with the sounds of skin slapping, Yuta cursing loudly in Japanese, and your screams. It erupted a feeling from you that you hadn't felt in a long time, and Yuta felt the same. He looked down at your messy and fucked out state, smacking your ass roughly as he bent down closer to you, a hand going into your hair so you could see him as his thrusts slightly slowed down. "I can feel you about to cum for me, baby. Are you going to, princess? Are you going to cum nice and hard for me?" You nodded at his words, moaning loudly as his movements sped back up, demanding that you cum as his hands made contact with your ass harshly.

You couldn't help but scream his name as you came around him, your wetness coating the outside of his thighs as he continued his rough pace. As you lay limp on the bed on cloud nine from the mind-numbing orgasm, Yuta leaned down to grip your hair again, pulling it back as your back arched. "There we go, baby. Arch your back so I can go nice and deep and fill you up, just the way I know you missed."

"Yuta, I can't cum anymore," at your words, Yuta let out a soft scoff, his pace quickening as he tugged on your hair more. "You didn't cum hard enough for me, Y/N. I need you to scream my name, baby. Scream my name while I fill you up and you milk me of all my cum so i can give it to this filthy pussy, my filthy pussy."

You yelped as he moved faster, moaning his name loudly as he moved faster, pushing you closer to your orgasm as your eyes rolled back. He leaned down to bite your shoulder as he could feel himself lose it, pressing a messy kiss to his bite mark before he turned your face to his, looking at you as he felt you clench around him. "I love you, Y/N, love you so fucking much. Gonna give you all of me, let you fucking milk me," he couldn't think straight as his lips pressed into yours as you both came, shaking in each other's embrace before moaning and whimpering into each other's mouths before finally collapsing on the bed.

As you panted into the sheets, Yuta pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, whispering praises as you both calmed down. He took a moment to catch his own breath before he left the bed to grab a towel, returning to you as he gently cleaned your body before placing kisses along your skin. You couldn't help but relish in the glow and the feeling of his kisses, a small smile coming to your lips as he whispered small praises.

"I'll go run us a bath, stay here." You nodded as you listened to Yuta's movements, almost falling asleep to the calming feeling you felt. "Hey, hey don't fall asleep on me, Y/N." Yuta chuckled, gently picking you up before carrying you to the bath, placing you down into the water before he moved to go change the sheets and get clothes for you to put on after you were done. You took the opportunity to think about your feelings; part of you was still slightly hurt from him but..

You still loved him.

Yuta came back soon, slipping into the bath behind you as his hands moved to gently massaged you, pressing a kiss to your shoulder before speaking. "I know we need to talk about... us. And I assure you we will." Yuta pressed another kiss to your shoulder as you nodded at his words, relaxing back into his chest as your eyes closed. "But, for now, let me hold you, baby."

~*****~

"Alright Y/N, go ahead to the stage!"

You nodded before going up to the stage, smiling at the loud cheers as you sang. To you, nothing felt as good as the energy of a full stadium felt that supported you.

The crowd's cheers got louder as Yuta joined you on stage, smiling at you as he sang his part, making your heart flutter. You both couldn't help but keep your eyes on one another as you both danced, feeling like everyone else in the sold-out stadium disappeared.

"Are you busy after this?" You shook your head at Yuta as he patted off the sweat from his neck, taking a sip of his water as his group members surrounded him. He offered you a smile as his members one by one go onto the stage, Yuta going to the back to talk to you before he went on. He placed a kiss on your cheek before joining his members on stage, shooting you a flying kiss before the song started.

You and Yuta were working things out- earning back your trust while proving he loves you.

The biggest answer to your "What if?"

[rabbittf2x]

Last one I swear 💀

Unless you don't mind me sending more requests

Could you do some headcannons about the Mercs with a s/o who faints very easily and randomly? Like, they are idk taking a walk around the town and y/n says "Is it normal to get dizzy?" And they faint at that moment?

If it's very difficult you can ignore it, don't worry! :)

-Spaniard anon 💐

Mercs with a Reader that faints a lot

Pyro💖

You and Pyro laid on your bellies on your bedroom floor, both colouring pretty pictures. Pyro was in a fit of giggles, swinging his legs back and forth while drawing a picture of you two holding hands

“Hold on, Py. I gotta go to the bathroom.”

You stood up and approached the door, suddenly feeling dizzy. You stumbled back, alerting Pyro. As you were about to tip over, he sprung to his feet and caught you just in time

Pyro was always worried sick when you fainted. He gently swept you up into his arms, holding you bridal style. He lead you over to your bed and carefully set you down on it

Pyro would patiently wait until you woke up, then you could finish colouring together. Until then, he placed you under the covers. He tucked you in until you were snug, and placed a masked kiss to your cheek

Engineer💖

You were hanging out with Engineer in his workshop. He had his back turned to you as he worked on a sentry

“Darling? Can ya pass me a wrench?” Engie said to you over his shoulder

“Yeah, babe.” You smiled

As you walked over to his toolbox, a wave of nausea hit you. You plucked a wrench from the box, your head suddenly spinning

Engie jumped in surprise when he heard the wrench clatter noisily to the floor. He whipped around, horrified to see that you had fainted

“Aw, hell. Darling!”

Engie dashed over. He kneeled down by where you laid, gently pulling you into his arms. With a sigh, he sat there with you held close to his chest

Engie frowned, relaxing his posture. He just sat there with you for awhile, waiting for you to wake up

Spy💖

You were just taking yourself to bed one night after a hard day of work. You walked out of the rec room, down the hall and past Spy’s smoking room to get to your own quarters. Just as you walked past Spy’s, that pang of familiar dizziness struck you

You paused, and stumbled back, trying to stay upward. Your eyes began to roll back as you felt yourself slip away from consciousness. The last thing you heard was the small whoosh of what sounded like Spy’s cloaking device…

Spy materialised behind you within thin air. Before your limp body could hit the floor, he slipped an arm around your back. He held you there in a dip, frowning to himself as he stared down at your relaxed features

Instead of returning back to his smoking room, Spy pulled you into his chest and held you bridal style. He lead you down the hall, carefully carrying you to your bedroom

Spy shuffled through the door, approaching your bed. Before placing you onto it, he stared down at your face once again. You looked so peaceful there with your head leaning against his shoulder

A thin smile tugged at Spy’s lips. He tucked you in under the covers, then leaned down to press a gentle kiss to your forehead

Heavy💖

Heavy always kept a watchful eye over you. He was very protective, knowing you could faint at any moment. He found himself worrying about you a lot

Heavy was a sleepy guy himself, but kept much more alert nowadays. Whenever you did faint, he was straight on it

He was sitting at the blackjack table, his arms crossed over his chest as he tried to take a nap. You were across the room by the fridge, opening it up to grab a snack. All of a sudden, a rush of lightheadedness washed over you. You let go of the fridge door, and shuffled back in a daze

Heavy’s eyes opened, watching you from across the room. As you stumbled back slowly, he shot up from his seat and sped over

“Heavy…”

You turned to look back at him, but your eyes fluttered shut. Just as you felt yourself drifting away, Heavy’s big, strong arms caught you before you hit the floor. You were knocked unconscious, while being cradled like a baby in the large man’s arms

Sniper💖

Sniper would never admit it, but he sometimes watched over you through his scope. He was worried you would think he was creepy or being a stalker, but really he was just looking out for you. He made sure to keep himself alert around you, knowing that you could faint any minute

It was a quiet weekend here at the base. The mercenaries were all scattered about within their own quarters of the large building. Sniper sat with Pyro at the blackjack table, both not doing much

You got up to grab a snack from the fridge, already feeling uneasy. Before you could open the door, your head began to spin. You moaned softly, stumbling back. Sniper and Pyro snapped their attention in your direction, both men on guard

“I gotcha, love.”

Sniper jumped up from his seat and rushed over to your aid. Your eyes drooped as you let yourself fall limp into his arms

“Ahh, Sniper…” you murmured

You wrapped your arms around his neck while he pulled you into his chest. Sniper held you there for a long, bittersweet moment. He stared down at your sleeping face through tinted lenses and concerned eyes

Scout💖

Scout never knew what to do when you fainted. Like, you were fine just a second ago! How did you go from effortlessly walking and talking with him, to being unconscious on the floor?

Scout was chatting your ear off as the two of you wandered through the base. He looked ahead for just a moment, still talking and talking. Before you could get a word in, your knees buckled and your eyes drooped

“Oh, crap!” Scout immediately shut up and crouched down by your side, face laced with concern. “Uh,” he tried shaking you awake. “You okay?” He stammered

Scout looked around the hall, hoping to find someone helpful but to no avail. He held each side of your face, staring longingly at your relaxed features. He wished you would just magically wake up. He hated seeing you like this

“Don’t worry. I—I’ll take you to doc.”

Scout thrusted you up into his arms with a grunt. Your head laid limp on his shoulder

Soldier💖

Soldier was a little rough with you. He wasn’t the most understanding as to why you fainted all the time, but grew to accept it

You and Soldier were in the training room. You needed to undergo some basic training for a job. Soldier tagged along for god knew why, seemingly to be your ‘cheerleader’

He was barking orders at you, lecturing and banging on about how to be a great mercenary. Don’t get me wrong, he meant well and wanted nothing but the best for you. It was just that the sound of him shouting was starting to make your head spin

Soldier paced in front of you as he instructed all these crazy workouts for you to do. Your dizziness and stumbling back went unnoticed for a bit, until you finally had to butt in

“Soldier,” you interrupted. “I’m starting to feel really dizzy.”

Soldier snapped his gaze in your direction, but it was too late. You hit the floor with a thud, blacking out almost instantly

“Cupcake, no!” Soldier shouted. He scooped you up into his arms. “We didn’t even get to start!”

The man rushed you over to the infirmary, shoving anyone out of the way in the process

Demoman💖

Your fainting really scared Demoman. He was very concerned for your well-being, and didn’t like it one bit when it happened

Demo was drunk a lot. It was hard for him to watch over you sometimes when, well… everything was all blurry. So when you fainted while he was intoxicated, it wasn’t a surprise if he cried

Demo sometimes got drunk just to forget about you for a little while. You worried him sick, although you swore you were fine. Seeing you faint while he was in this state could really mess him up

You had fainted at the blackjack table. You slipped out of your chair, and onto the hard floor below. Demoman drunkenly tried to pull you back up, but ended up laying next to you instead. He fought back the urge to cry over you, sitting up and cradling your limp form against his chest

“I love ye, mate…” Demo slurred

You slipped in and out of consciousness. Your eyes wouldn’t open but your mouth tried to speak

“I love you too, Demo…”

Medic💖

Medic tried everything to help you. He was always dragging you to the infirmary, blabbering on about experiments. But don’t worry! All stuff he tried on you was perfectly safe… ish!

When you fainted in front of Medic, whether it be with him in the infirmary or anywhere else, he was straight on it. He placed you onto his table, slipping on gloves and fixing his glasses

Every time you woke up from fainting, Medic was the first thing you saw. He smiled at you, and you smiled back. It was comforting in a way. No matter what, he was always there for you

Medic also spent every moment you were unconscious on trying to help you. He never left your side once during your slumbers. Because deep down, he was pretty worried about you. You meant so much to this crazy man, and he wanted to help you so bad

You didn’t ever fail to show your gratitude towards him. A little after you woke up from fainting, you wrapped your arms around Medic. You attacked his face in kisses, going on about how thankful you were that he was trying to help you

[ginger-futch]

Return AU, Chapter 1, part 1 (warning for blood):

The lights were on.

Plaster littered the floor in dusty chunks, ceiling panels fallen from their places to expose wiring and pipes, the very front doors having to be picked open. It was abandoned, clearly so, for a whole decade, and yet the lights were still on.

She put a hand on her holster, and scanned every square inch of unlocked space in the front area.

Past the turnstiles, she found nothing but a locked shutter, a big blue light in the shape of a hand being the only indication of a locking mechanism.

The little store was empty, boxes emptied and shelves tipped over. A lone dismantled Boogie Bot sat on the counter in a splatter of reddish brown goo. The train circling the rail overhead was still running; at the back of her mind, she admired how the company's product was still functional years down the line, but at the moment it was just uncanny.

But, nobody was there, so she let her shoulders fall with just a little hesitation. Ransacked by edgelords as it was, it didn't look inhabited at all.

Sam went to check the door opposite of it, only to find it locked behind a colorful keypad.

CMYK? No.

Huggy colors? No.

... Train colors?

A chime sounded, and the doors slid open. She smiled to herself, a pinch smug. She wondered how many guests put the pieces together and just wandered into the employee area unsupervised. Did they have to repaint the train every time they changed the code?

For the most part, it looked like a regular security room; monitors lined the one wall, and chairs and desks filled much of the rest of the space. The recess in the wall with the ropes and pipes in it, and the TV with the VCR on the cart, were all interesting, but first, she made sure to check the desks.

This search yielded very little. A lot of old, dried out stationary, as well as hand-written reports of minor incidents and a drawer full of crumpled up employee complaint forms. The latter were at least a little interesting; at least in its last few months, the company was basically hemorrhaging employees. Complaints about having little time to sleep between shifts, not being paid overtime despite working well beyond full time hours, intimidation from higher ups, etc. contrasted heavily with the aggressively friendly image they portrayed.

She set her duffel bag down, and took out a simple plastic folder. Nothing special, just enough to keep things organized until she'd pick them up later. This room wasn't too humid or exposed to the elements, so she felt comfortable leading the documents there for now to be collected later while she was on her way out. Low priority, though.

As soon as she finished her task, Sam took the blue tape off the one desk, checked to see if it was wound (it was, good), and slid it into the VCR.

Dreamy music filled the room, and some animal part of her brain immediately raised its hackles. A memory, foggy and intense, overtook her, and her eyes immediately swept around the room, like every shadow had a predator waiting to leap out at her. She breathed in deeply from her nose.

In, out.

In, out.

In.... out.

And in a second, it faded into a dull sense of unease.

Before she knew it, the video unloaded a short tutorial on the GrabPack. She chuckled hesitantly at the part where the yellow stickman coworker got his head taken off, and remembered all at once how many employees she had seen with one of these things strapped to their backs. How was any of this approved by OSHA?

Though, given some of the complaints in the desk, she suspected the inspectors got paid off.

Looking back at her duffel bag, and taking a good look at the ceiling, she decided against setting up her tent for now. There weren't enough holes to worry about rain, the temperature was on the warmer side this time of year, and her cargo pants and utility coat were loaded with enough emergency supplies to last her a couple days before she needed to return to the van for more. For now, she had what she needed to go further in.

Using the GrabPack felt almost second nature to her, like picking up a bike again after a long time of disuse. Which was damn weird because last time she was anywhere near this place, she was a kid, and these things were dangerous in the wrong hands.

Thoughts of child safety violations quickly left her mind when she entered the grand hall. It was huge, just as she remembered it, and at the very center a towering Huggy Wuggy statue. In the bright moonlight, she could see the fur faintly moving.

Breathing.

Memories of giant toys come to life flooded her mind, and she had to take a step out and do yet more breathing exercises to come down. It was probably just a draft from the windows.

She forcibly perked up, and jogged right back into the room. Yeah... yeah! Just a draft. Just... don't think too hard on it.

Her eyes only barely grazed the plaque before the giant toy - it wasn't anything she didn't already know how popular this giant Sour Patch Kid was, given they were still selling bootleg Wuggies at the flea market - as she investigated the rest of the room. She tried her picks on the regular doors first, to little success. At least, not without heavier machinery; Sam left her power drill at home, so she'd have to save investigating those portions of the facility for a later date. Damn.

Finally, she tried the door with the one handprint, only for it to go black and give a concerning sound at the contact, a spark traveling down the wire to the next room over, labelled "POWER."

Jingle.

She turned on her heel, and saw... nothing. No other human being in the room. She almost sighed in relief, until she spotted a glint of gold in Huggy's raised hand.

A key that wasn't there before.

Fuck. He was alive. Or haunted, either or.

Hesitantly, she aimed her GrabPack for the key and snatched it out of his hand, watching as he didn't even flinch at the contact by the dangerous tool.

She almost proceeded to the Power room, but stopped herself.

How long has he been standing in that one spot, alone?

As terrifying as it was to stand in the same room as a nearly twenty foot living statue... he wasn't doing anything yet, and it felt kinda rude not to offer up something in return for his help.

Indulging her inner superstitious child, she took a bag of jerky out from one of her pockets - the nice homemade kind from the dried snacks stand at the same market as the bootleg toys - a napkin, and a bottle of water. Noting his lack of fingers, she laid out the napkin like a makeshift plate on one of the letter blocks, poured out an ample portion of jerky onto it, and left the bottle of water opened off to the side for him to take.

Stepping out a fair distance, she gave him a deep bow, and said sincerely, "Thank you for the key."

She felt silly talking to a statue that was only maybe alive, but hey, if she was wrong, no harm done.

Satisfied with her work, she continued off to fix the door.

...

There was more of the brownish red stains in this room, this time around the remains of a Bron toy. Narrowing her eyes, she took out her blacklight, and it lit up like a Christmas tree. There was a fair chance it was some kind of biological material, but blood wasn't the only thing that lit up under UV light; it could just as easily have been some kind of dried detergent or something containing lemon juice, for all she knew. She snapped a photo with her disposable camera, and put a pin on that thought. Whatever it was, it probably did not belong in a plastic kids' toy. She figured she'd pick it up on her second sweep of the facility and see if one of her classmates in Forensics could do a swab test.

She moved on to investigating the rest of the room; it almost resembled a locker room, except they held circuit breakers instead of shoes. Off to the side, a well lit poster hanged. Sam snapped a photo of that too, chuckling at the one rule.

A fuzzy memory tickled the edge of her brain. She was small again, angry and defiant with adults who acted like they hated her because they probably did. She was a bit of a turd as a kid, so she didn't totally blame them.

She was hiding for some reason. Looking for a way out, she thought. But the only doors going forward were locked, and so, she waited to get caught. In her stubbornness, she refused to come out and go peacefully, but instead give the workers a good sweat looking for her.

A man passed by the door she hid behind, and seeing the opportunity, she jumped out with a shout. The bastard nearly leapt out of his skin, dropping the clipboard in his hand as he gasped and nearly fell. His assistant, some mousey young nerd, squeaked and tripped over her own feet.

"God-damn it, kid!" he yelled, hand on his chest, "You nearly gave me a freaking heart attack!"

She was too busy laughing at his beet red face to even notice getting hauled off by security.

Sam in the present chuckled at the warm memory. Was that Leith Pierre? She didn't know, it wasn't like she was an expert on the small army of faceless old men who bossed her around as a squirt.

The end of the room held more stains, and a strange message scratched onto the wall:

ISNT HE WONDERFUL?

She doubted that a bored, edgy film student could have made it this far. What in the hell was going on in here?

She snapped some more pictures, and went to work fixing the wiring. It took a good second to rip the door off the one conduit, and with great hesitance, she fired the blue hand at it. The wire lit up, and carefully, she maneuvered it to touch the three power nodes, the lights turning back on fully with the final connection. Retracting the hand, she sighed when she felt no current hit herself.

She stepped out, feeling a great sense of relief... until she saw the empty podium in the main hall.

[trashpocket]

hi!! are you the author of my grave is mine to dig on ao3? i just saw your url is the same as on that fic and i was just wondering haha! i love that fic sm!

YESSSS, sorry for the late reply, that's me, that's me!!! sorry if im late to update it, chapter three is being a bitch and i might be splitting it into two big parts since it's where the subplot line begins closing in with the reveal of the main plotline, but AHHHH!!! hope ur patient enough for it 😭😭😭 here's a snippet from chapter three, if this helps!

There was something in people sharing sentiments with inanimate objects. How Steve’s affection extended to the unreal, to the immobile, and to the lifeless. Like he could love even beyond what normal loving did and there was something about that. With children loving anything and everything. 

As if they could both love like kids could; like how they used to. Unfettered, limitless, real. (Like they had the power to do this: keep on loving again.)

“Come on. Ma’s this way,” Eddie’s voice was hoarse and quiet, and Steve must’ve been learning a lot about him too because he didn’t make a comment. Just let himself be pulled away. 

“You think she’ll like me?” Steve asked quietly. 

“I don’t know,” Eddie teased, “what do you think?” 

“Eddieeee,” Steve dragged him to a stop, earning a chuckle out of him.

Eddie turned around and met Steve’s eyes. Found the churchyard, trapped in dawn, the sun breaking through the clouds at a time where Eddie and Steve would usually be sat at breakfast—after Steve came back from whatever run he did in the morning. They’d be sharing a plate by then, with food that Steve cooked up, listening to Eddie’s old records on the turntable Eddie had dug out from Wayne’s old stuff. Steve would have bandaids over his fingers. Eddie would ask about them—and Steve would hum until Eddie forgot ever asking. Take his hand and dance him around. Pretended the world didn’t exist for a moment—that they weren’t hurt everyday.

He swallowed past the lump in his throat. 

“Well, Steve, I don’t know. She likes to wake up early, though. She leaves conditioner in her hair, and can't go out without her favorite bracelet. Ma, she would sing this tune from a show—I forgot the name, I don’t remember—but all I knew was that Ma loved to sing it in the kitchen.” He swept Steve’s hand up to his face, pressing a kiss into the knuckle just cause he could. “She liked cats, and those silver wind chimes you’d see hangin’ from windows. I think my favorite memory of her is—” 

He thinned his lips to meet Steve’s eyes once more; how Steve was full of wonder and adoration. A soft vacuum in a world that held his mess. Eddie couldn’t think of anything more treacherous. Beautiful. 

“Is what, Eds?” Steve whispered, in a manner so reverent, like he knew how Eddie was looking at him then. Caught in the dredges of his heart. If only he knew.

Eddie suddenly felt shy. Christ.

“Every time I called her a hero, she’d light up like a fucking Christmas tree. She knew how much I loved superheroes an’ shit back then. I was fucking ridiculous.” Eddie shook his head, laughing through his nose. “She’d take me out on Fridays, get me those jelly ice pops and sit by the curb. Good shit. We’d count the birds that flew by—name ‘em some stupid things—like Spot, or Dot or whatever.” Steve throwing his head back in a laugh didn’t make the names so stupid, so Eddie grinned softly in return. Continued, “We’d watch the sunset, and sing a few songs too. We’d wait until Pa left so we could go home. The best days were always when the bastard was gone. Ma always made shit better somehow. It’s her magic powers or something. It always blew my mind.”

Eddie took a shaky breath. Steve tightened his grip and he looked over.

He didn’t know what he saw, but he knew what Steve was seeing. He was looking at Eddie, and the jagged mire inside him; broken and scarred over. Steve’s body—just this time, reflected in Eddie’s heart. A hurt manor, full of cracked windows and creaky doors. Alcoves of people—in a life that nearly fell apart. 

Steve wasn’t scared to take a look.

“She sounds amazing,” Steve told him, “and you turned out amazing. Fucking amazing. I’m glad she was there to love you. That she was your superhero—your mom.”

As if Eddie wasn’t fucked up for always losing people. For constantly loving and being left behind. For caring so much, that he felt like he was suffocating the people he wanted to stay; squeezing them so tight in his grasp, that his grip—his care—was horrifying. A desperate thing that forced people to leave. That he was a broken boy, always forced to stay. 

But this was Steve, daunting and fearless. Loved with scars, never without them—because what the fuck kinda bastard would say shit like that right off the bat?

Eddie didn’t know what to say, except, “She was. And you know what? I think she’d love you too,” which was the truth.

Because it was kinda like that. Seeing the people you loved, reflected in the people you were loving. 

Mallory Munson would’ve probably loved Steve Harrington for how similar they were. Maybe they had the same look in their eyes. People who gave a bit too much; who worried for the future, and what it would bring. Who had people for whom they cared for a lot; for whom they gave themselves up to. People who might be facing this future—with or without them, so they gave themselves to the world—if only it meant that the world could love them a bit more easier.

Eddie looked at Steve and saw something familiar. It scared him. Made him feel tender and weak, in the face of something so fleeting. (In his grasp, squeezing, running away—dying.)

“I think I could love her too.” Steve whispered, and Eddie hoped (fucking hoped) that it was true. That he’d stay.

With that, they strode forward across the dead. 

And Eddie wondered if given the chance—he could love Steve Harrington any easier too. 

[droughtofapathy]

"Welcome to the Theatre": Diary of a Broadway Baby

Gypsy

November 21, 2024 | Broadway | Majestic Theatre | Evening | Musical | Revival | 3H 20M

Breaking my silence on attending the Gypsy first preview at last. So, let's start with some caveats and disclaimers. This was a first preview. And because George C. Wolfe does not have invited dress rehearsals, our show was the first time it was fully presented in front of a live audience. Kinks and all. And from an objective standpoint, there are a lot of kinks still to be ironed out. The great news is that this director is known for actually utilizing the preview period for its intended purpose. Changes are coming, and I cannot wait to see what happens.

Let's get the big question out of the way first: can Audra do it? Yes, she can. I don't believe singing the score in a more mixed/head voice substantially damages the character in any way, but I do believe it takes a considerable amount of active acceptance to see (and hear) past the initial shock. It's jarring. Obviously, Audra McDonald is not going to come out with a big brassy Merman. But neither were Angela Lansbury or Bernadette Peters. Because the material is so strong, it allows for a considerable amount of vocal versatility. I don't think she was there yet, and it's a lot to ask of her first preview. Especially in the early scenes of act one, she was almost jittery and gave the character a manic energy. She'll settle. She's going to find Rose over the next few weeks. Performance-wise, she was right on the money in the duets and trios, especially "Together, Wherever We Go," which was one of the night's highlights. She and Danny Burstein play off each other so well. He's already got Herbie down, which is no surprise. He was born for that kind of role. The scene where he finally leaves? Damn.

Audra's initial entrance will be one of the most transcendent moments in theatre history for me. She swept down that aisle and up those stairs just a single row in front of me, and I got teary-eyed. I didn't feel that same euphoria again.

A few moments came close. At some point in act one, just as Mrs. Cratchit answers the telephone and tells the big boss man that the act is having scenery troubles, we had to stop because we had some actual scenery trouble. It lasted less than six minutes (though some online accounts exaggerated by saying it was at least ten or fifteen. They're wrong.) Mylinda Hull played it off with comedic genius ("I'll call you back.") The strippers are show-stealing. That "You Gotta Get a Gimmick" number is perfection from start to finish, and I am deeply in love with every single one of those ladies. Mylinda Hull, my beloved. Lesli Margherita back on Broadway? Lili Thomas Asian Mazeppa? They did this for me. They've got it.

I think the rest of the supporting cast will eventually get it too. The one who has it more than anyone is that little Baby June. Talk about stealing the whole damn show. Jordan Tyson is fine, and I'll be interested to see how she improves as an actress in a few weeks. Joy Woods is also fine. I've never been especially impressed with her in anything I've seen. She has a lovely voice, no denying that, but she's so young and inexperienced and it shows in her acting and control a lot. Here, she's very good as a young wallflower Louise, but her strip transformation from girl to woman is lacking. Yes, yes, first preview, so all those awkward transitions and costume changes are going to be ironed out. I really liked the allusions to Josephine Baker. But the final dressing room confrontation just wasn't landing. By this time, the show was running really long from a mix of lagging scene changes and tech, and Joy's delivery was still very girlish. It felt like a fifteen-year-old throwing a tantrum because her parents said she wasn't grown yet. I'd like to see a lot more work to make her move to sophisticated stardom more obvious. Deliver the lines without getting shrill, ground it more, match Audra's acting.

I'm also not sure about the decision to stage "Rose's Turn" on the passarelle. I was in the front orchestra, no obstruction, possibly the best seat I've ever had. But knowing how deep that mezzanine goes, I cannot imagine how the sightlines were back there. This is the tour-de-force moment. She needs to have the whole stage to work with to be seen by everyone.

As for the rest of it, there's a lot of backstage tightening that's going to happen. For the first night, I could hear and see a lot of commotion in the wings. There are several set pieces that come and go, and it's loud. But that'll be fixed. The actual design of the show isn't really...I just don't know. I don't think the choices are bad, necessarily. They serve the story. But it's not dazzling? The lighting is pretty lackluster. The costumes could be bolder, bigger, better. Oh, sure. I know. It's not that kind of show. But there are definitely points where it could be. Joy's burlesque costumes should be giving more. I think Tessie Tura's butterfly costume is excellent, and Electra's lights are cute (but could be bolder). Mazeppa's is the weakest of the three, and in what's usually the leading stripper role, Lili Thomas does get overshadowed by her comedic genius costars. Lesli and Melinda know comedy like the back of their hands. Lili's voice is strong, but her comedy isn't natural like theirs.

It's been almost a week, and I still just don't know. It's too early for me to have any concrete opinion on what I saw because of how much everything is going to change and improve in the coming weeks. It didn't transcend for me, but that was a huge ask. The show basically sold out and grossed $770k over the first three previews. That places a full-week projection in the $2M range. And that's really good. The big question now is can it sustain that through June? Can it keep filling that massive venue and can these early kinks smooth into place in time for the busiest time of year?

Verdict: Unrated

A Note on Ratings

[q-gorgeous]

What Will It Be? Chapter 15

ao3

fanfiction

@kinglazrus

:))))))))

Dash was eating his lunch outside in front of the school when Jazz finally approached him. He looked at her before going back to his meal.

“Hi, Dash.” She said quietly.

“Hey.”

She stood there for a moment before she continued speaking. “How have you been lately?”

Dash shrugged. “Fine. Been better. How are you?”

Jazz let out a nervous laugh. “As good as I can be with everything going on.” 

“Yeah. Me too.” He stared down at his sandwich. It looked less appetizing by the second.

They sat in silence for a few seconds. The chilly fall air swept up a few leaves from the ground and a shiver went up Dash’s spine. 

“I miss him.” Dash whispered. 

Jazz walked over and sat beside him on the bench. “Me too. I’m worried about him.”

“What do you think happened to him?” Dash glanced at her. Jazz had her lips squeezed shut and she was no longer looking at him. 

“I- Anything could’ve happened to him.” She stammered out. “We live in a big city. There’s bound to be crime, and then there’s the ghosts.”

“Do you think it’s related to ghosts?”

Dash watched as Jazz’s expression morphed. He could tell that she knew Danny was Phantom. He could see as she was trying to think up a response to his question without giving it away. 

“I guess it could be… Our parents are ghost hunters. I’m sure there are some ghosts that have vendettas against our family because of that. I know the Wisconsin Ghost has it out for our dad.”

“What would you say if I told you I could’ve stopped it?”

The words tumbled out of Dash’s mouth before he could stop them. He looked at his sandwich but he could still see the expression on Jazz’s face as she slowly turned to face him in the corner of his eye.

“What?” Her voice was barely there. She sounded scared, betrayed. “What do you mean?”

But her melancholy from before seemed even the slightest bit lighter. She sounded hopeful.

“I saw them that night.” Dash turned to look at her and met her gaze. His voice shook as he spoke. “They were carrying him out of an alleyway. He was all tied up and gagged. He couldn’t do anything.”

Dash looked away from her. The hope in her eyes had returned. He couldn’t bear to see it. Not when he didn’t do something sooner. 

“I tried going to the police.” Dash continued, staring at a faraway spot, his eyes glazed over and unfocused. “But it didn’t help. The GIW got there first. Claimed I was some drugged up kid.” 

“Dash…” Jazz whispered.

“I didn’t want to keep this to myself.” Dash’s eyes finally filled up with tears. They spilled over and ran down his cheeks. “They threatened me. They offered me a scholarship and said that if I tell anyone what happened that they’d make me disappear just like they did to Danny.” 

He chuckled sadly and squeezed his eyes shut. “I didn’t even get to tell him how I felt. When Phantom had gone missing too, I realized who he was and that I had somehow fallen for him twice. And now I’ll never get to tell him.” 

Dash felt Jazz place her hands on his shoulders. He opened his eyes when she shook him. 

“We’re going to get him back. Thanks to you we can finally find him.”

He sniffled. “Aren’t you mad?”

“Why would I be mad?”

He turned away from her. “I kept this a secret from all of you for the past month. If you’re so confident you can bring him home now, he could’ve been brought home a lot sooner if I had just said something.”

She shook him again. “While I wish you would’ve said something sooner, I understand why you didn’t. I can’t be mad at you for that when you were scared because someone threatened you! What’s important is that now we know. Now we can get him back.”

He looked at her again. She seemed so sure that everything would be alright. Maybe he needed some of her optimism. 

“Where do we start?” He asked as his nerve resolved.

[weepynymph]

The Gilded Age season one rant

I’m extremely late to the party but I just finished season one and I have thoughts that must be released or I’ll go mad.

Worth watching for the costumes alone I could not stop staring at everyone’s dresses in every scene (and the sets too like wow)

The actors are all great, both the older cast of well known actors and the newer less known actors bring so much to the show and embody their characters so beautifully. They do a lot of the heavy lifting along with the production. 

Unfortunately in the last third of the season I remembered the thing that always bothered me with Julian Fellowes writing back when I was watching Downton Abbey as it was coming out (particularly later seasons) - he sets up these really potentially interesting dynamics and conflicts and then… nothing happens. One by one every interesting conflict just fizzles out or is resolved in the least dramatic way possible. (well, maybe not every one but I came away from the first season with that feeling).

Like things happen, kind of, sometimes, but they are almost always presented and staged in the most underwhelming way possible. Nine times out of ten he chooses to communicate information in scenes outside of the action, or in the least interesting and emotionally resonant way possible. (for instance, Larry walks Marian home after the ball and we learn that she told him about her failed elopement at some point during the evening but we just don’t see that happen?? Why??? I would much much rather have seen her confide in him during the ball rather than have them suddenly reference this hugely emotionally vulnerable moment as having happened offscreen - what a wasted opportunity to showcase their growing closeness!) 

We end up with repetitive dialogue and scenes which communicate the same information as was communicated last episode with no progress made. Scenes would end and I'd be like 'That's it? What was the point of that conversation?' especially towards the end of the season. It's frustrating as there are so many characters and plot lines with potential but hardly anything ever comes of them. I kept holding my breath waiting for something unexpected to happen and it never did. In fact, more often than not I became impatient waiting for the pay off of storylines which I had already predicted (see: Mr Raikes). Big emotional moments, when they do come, sometimes ended up feeling unearned as I didn’t feel like I knew the characters well enough to really feel their struggle (Bridget for instance that revelation came waaaay too early and then felt so swept under the rug??)

The Russells had some really good stuff, they felt like the most active characters in terms of actually shaking things up, being determined and morally grey and tenacious. I enjoyed their story the most because it felt like there were real stakes and opportunities for surprises, the two of them were some of the only characters that did surprise me with how they resolved things or escalated them.

I loved Marian, I think the actress did a wonderful job of playing this compassionate, loving, yet opinionated and headstrong person in this really gentle subtle way - a lesser actor would have really hammed it up and she didn’t and I was really invested in her. 

Peggy too I really enjoyed and I loved their friendship and wish we’d seen more of her storyline especially with the globe. Once they established her working there they just kind of dropped it? In favour of some fairly repetitive scenes for other storylines. I also felt with the revelation of her past we did an awful lot of telling instead of showing - they could have really dropped clues and hinted at her past instead of having her not want to talk about it throughout and then just suddenly dumping it on us.

Loved the aunts, of course, who wouldn’t? Just wish that they’d had them actually do stuff instead of being stuck in their house all the time. Or at least if you're going to have them stuck there all the time, make a point of it, make it more meaningful or thematically resonant.

Also where was Larry??? He should have been a main character and yet he’s so absent?? Hope they actually focus on him next season it was so weird how little of this he was in.

Anyway, I’m going to stick with it because I want to see if next season can deliver on the promise of this season. Plus I’m obviously not missing out on the pure joy of just watching those dresses move the costume team deserves a Nobel prize.

[bisluthq]

I think people also don't know or ignore how creative writing works. As someone who writes poetry as a way to get my feelings out, I'll be the first to tell you artists or creative people in general are all a bit crazy, a bit dramatic. Like we have big feelings and can be a bit dramatic about them. The feeling a song conveys doesn't have to be a super long drawn feeling ykim? Sometimes things aren't good in that moment and a song is a portrait of that moment that we need it to framed.

I wrote so many poems full on ugly crying and it makes you feel so much better after you get that feeling out. And after you get that out of you, you're able to think clearer and actually be like you know what maybe things aren't as bad as they seemed when I wrote this. You know what, I actually think if we do this or that this could be fixed.

Obviously I don't know their situation, but unlike swifties who think Taylor was held at gunpoint to make her stay more than a year absolutely unhappy, I think that whatever was going on she ended up by thinking they could still solve the situation. And for a while they probably did. If the problem was lack of attention or him being away from work, it seems like in 2022 they actually tried to spend more time together. He was just doing promo and not really being away for a long time.

And then for whatever reason things crashed again. Either because the og issues were just swept under the rug and not solved or something new came up

is it lack of understanding the creative process or a lack of life experience? I mean the former often strikes me as true with Swifties insisting all songs are play by plays and hyperrealistic and like almost form a storyline. They don’t lol even where they are truthful like I can all but guarantee when Taylor agreed to go out with lmfao Hiddles she wasn’t thinking he’s her getaway car - that’s how she came to think about it when it crashed and burned as fast as it did but like obviously that wasn’t her starting point?? Because she’s not insane?? But like that’s how she thought about it on reflection lol. Or taking songs like IWYW or Wildest Dreams or Stay Stay Stay or half of folkmore which she’s said are fantasies and/or very clearly are fantasies and plainly not believing her. That’s a lack of understanding the creative process.

a lot of how Swifties talk about her relationships - and especially this one with Joe - speaks to me to a lack of life experience (not meaning this negatively necessarily). My friend who set me up (in a roundabout way) with my bf is very regularly very miserable with her partner. In part because he doesn’t want to get married anymore. In part because he’s bad at communication. In part because they have different things that they enjoy tbh. In part because he makes decisions without talking to her. In part because he doesn’t get like set crew schedules and gets very annoyed with how her work life is structured. In part because he gets quite jealous idk. She tells me this stuff regularly but they stay together and they do have plenty of fun together - I’ve seen them having fun together with my own eyeballs and also she tells me tbh like they are clearly not happy every day but they’re also clearly not about to break up rn (my bf and I love both of them but we do think they will eventually) and idk guys lots of people are in similar situations? I’ve been in situations I stayed in because it didn’t suck every day? Every divorcing couple ever has stayed in stuff past the point of knowing it’s fucked? Like idk that’s part of life???? People don’t break up one morning just because like they realized yesterday they felt shit because there’s a good chance that morning you make coffee together and have a laugh about something and you just… stay. And you hope tomorrow is good again. And then when it isn’t and maybe it sucks then eh you hope for tomorrow all over again.

[the-power-of-stuff]

I'm one chapter and an epilogue away from "the words to keep you" being complete on AO3, which made me wanna look through my 7k+ words of deleted scenes. 😅

In an earlier draft of the story, I had more interaction between Suki and Kanna during the Southern Water Tribe chapters, but I ultimately scrapped the scene, for a bunch of reasons.

For one, I struggled a lot with the tone of those chapters, but eventually I felt I wanted to keep things light-hearted and fun, at least until the big angsty moment at the end, and this interaction between Suki and Kanna felt a bit too heavy and introspective to me. I also didn't completely love my characterization of Kanna in this section. And I wanted more Suki and Hakoda time and couldn't figure out how to make it work if I kept this scene with Kanna.

But! I still kinda like the scene overall, so I wanted to share it anyway. Here's a bit of Kanna giving Suki a subtle what-for.

“Hello, Suki,” Hakoda said with a warm smile, extending his hand. They gripped forearms. “It’s good to see you again.”

“It’s good to see you too, sir,” Suki said, grimacing inwardly. She’d finally gotten comfortable enough to call Hakoda by his name about a year-and-a-half into her relationship with Sokka, but that comfort was fully eroded by now. Hakoda’s smile was sympathetic, but he didn’t correct her, and she did her best to ignore the lump in her gut.

“Excuse me for interrupting, but Sokka, I need you to help your grandmother while I go finalize some of the details of the celebration with Katara.”

“Sure, Dad, what’s up?”

Hakoda leaned in closer. “She insists on carrying the stew pots to the square by herself,” he said in practically a hiss, “and I told her that Healer Amka forbade her from lifting anything heavy after the last time she hurt her back, but she won’t listen to me.”

Sokka clapped his father on the shoulder and then shot a wink at Suki. “Don’t worry, Dad, I’ve got it under control.”

Just then, Kanna walked out of one of the igloos with a large cast iron pot dangling by its handle from her knotty hands. Hakoda widened his eyes at Sokka and whispered, “See?” between clenched teeth.

“Hakoda, stop pestering the children,” she said, and Hakoda rolled his eyes while he still had his back to her. Suki covered her hand with her mouth before Kanna could see her laughing.

“Gran Gran!” Sokka cried, jaunting past his father to intercept the older woman. “Can I help you with that?”

“There’s three more stew pots in there,” Hakoda said to Suki quietly, pulling her out of her thoughts before she could get too swept up in how endearing the whole situation was. “Make sure he gets them all?”

She nodded, feeling quite conspiratorial when that earned her a pat on the shoulder, but even after he walked away, Sokka hadn’t managed to get his hands on a single pot.

“Nonsense,” Kanna was saying, chin high. “I don’t need any help.”

“I know you don’t need it, Gran Gran, but I’d really like to help you anyway. Whaddaya say? As a favor to me? Your favorite grandson?”

Suki approached the pair with her arms crossed. “Sokka, this woman used to change your diapers, your sweet talk doesn’t work on her.”

Sokka narrowed his eyes at her, a silent accusation, but before he could feel too betrayed, Suki leaned close to whisper in his ear, “Your dad said there’s three more pots inside.”

When she pulled back to confirm he’d understood, she couldn’t help but notice how wide his pupils were, and the heavy bob of his Adam’s apple when he swallowed. Then he nodded, and Suki ripped her attention away from him.

“Kanna—”

“Call her Gran Gran,” Sokka hissed.

“I mean— Gran Gran! I brought something special from Kyoshi Island for you, to thank you for your hospitality. If I may, I’d love to give it to you before we all get distracted by the celebration.”

Kanna looked back and forth between Sokka and Suki before she finally gave in and handed the pot to her grandson.

“Very well,” she said. “That sounds lovely. Thank you, dear.”

As she led Kanna back to Sokka’s room to get the gift from her bag, Suki turned to give Sokka a wink over her shoulder. He gave her a wobbly smile in return and then walked off with the stew pot in his arms.

“You two make quite a team,” the other woman said, with the same casual confidence she might have if she’d said, “Your name is Suki.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” Suki said, laughing nervously. “Okay, wait here one sec, I’ll get your gift…” And then she ducked into Sokka’s igloo.

A shiver went through her at the intimacy of being in Sokka’s space alone. Like she was waiting to surprise him with a clandestine affair. Like he was keeping her there to have his way with later. She locked her focus firmly on her bag, unreasonably afraid of what it would feel like to see the rest of his room, grabbing the gift and then jumping back out into the open air as if she might suffocate if she stayed inside any longer.

“Oh, so there was a gift,” Kanna said, eyeing the bundle in Suki’s arms with a soft smile.

“Of course! Did you think we were trying to trick you?”

“I wasn’t sure, with all that whispering back there. People think just because I’m old, I’ve stopped paying attention. But I pay more attention now than ever.”

Suki rolled her shoulders against the sudden prickling between her shoulder blades. “Your family’s just looking out for you, Gran Gran. I’m sorry if we made it feel like we were deceiving you.”

“Never mind that,” Kanna said, waving her hand through the air. Then her smile turned bright, smoothing away a couple decades from her face. “What have you got for me?”

“Well, for the past few years, my warriors and I have been working to improve our relationship with the other villages on Kyoshi Island, and through that, we’ve discovered some amazing artifacts.” She unfurled the bundle and held it out to Kanna. “This parka looks like sealskin, but you see the boxy, geometric pattern in the embroidery? That’s very typical of traditional Kyoshi Island clothing. We thought this must be from sometime before the war, when there was open trade between our island and the Southern Water Tribe.”

Kanna took the parka and draped it over one arm.

“This is definitely sealskin,” she said, her fingertips running gracefully over the delicate embroidery despite the large knobs in her knuckles. “It’s a bit weathered from lack of care, but nothing a little whale oil and stitching can’t fix.”

“I did the best I could,” Suki said, “before coming down. I’ve never been very good at mending…”

She bit her lip when Kanna reached up to place one hand on her arm. That prickle between her shoulder blades was back, but this time she resisted shrugging it away.

“This is a beautiful gift, Suki. Thank you. And I can see the effort you put in to restoring it. That was very thoughtful.” She ran her fingers over the seams. “Perhaps Katara or one of the other girls can help me with the stitching. My dexterity isn’t what it once was.” And she wiggled her fingers slowly by way of demonstration.

“Nimble as ever!” Suki argued. “Between you and me, you probably could’ve carried that pot just fine on your own.”

“Perhaps,” she said, and then she smiled up at Suki. “I was young, once.”

“Of course you were!” Suki laughed.

“Back then, I gave up everything,” Kanna continued, “my family, my home, everything — to go after the life I knew was right for me. My Pakku…he found me again eventually. Perhaps it was fate, and we truly weren’t meant to be together until now. Or perhaps we were just two very stubborn people who made choices we couldn’t take back. If I could do it all again, well…I would do it the same. But, I don’t have much time left anymore.”

“Gran Gran…” Sometimes Oyaji made comments like this about his foregone youth, and Suki never knew what to say in response. She felt no better equipped now.

“After I’m gone, I’ll still be watching from the spirit lights. And even though I wouldn’t change a thing about my own life, I would hate to see my only grandson get to be my age before he feels truly settled in his.”

Oh… Why had she thought they were legitimately talking about parkas and Pakku? And why had she thought she would make it through this trip without a talking to from the matriarch of the Southern Water Tribe?

“I don’t want that either, Gran Gran,” Suki replied. And it was true. But how much control could she possibly have over something like that? How much responsibility could she take?

“Thank you very much for the parka, dear. This is quite special.” Kanna lifted her hand to Suki’s face. “I never knew a time when there was a strong partnership between Kyoshi Island and the South Pole. I hope I live long enough to see it.”

Suki closed her eyes on a sigh.

“Now!” Kanna said suddenly, clapping her hand onto the antique in her arms. Suki opened her eyes to see an indulgent smile on the older woman’s face. “I think you’ve sufficiently distracted me. Shall we go see if my grandson has managed to transport all four of my stew pots by now?”