#felix kranken is real but hes an 18 year old fat transmasc kid sorry guys

[felixwaffling]

Totally different vibe but I'm gay and thinking so much about him. This post might get nsfw, folks.

I'm smitten. Sure we have our problems, I mean, of course we do, he's dating ME- But FUCK, man. It's like how I felt with Alex except Victor is a good person who actually loves me. He's way stronger than me, which makes me SHAKE bro. He could hurt me if he wanted to, but he's so nice. He calls me things that have me on my fucking knees.

Like. Hooooly shit I can't wait til I get a chance to meet him in person bc when I say I'm gonna do whatever he wants... I MEAN WHATEVER. Like. I will be incapable of saying no. I will be pathetic.

Imagine if we meet in a bar and I get super drunk and kiss him dude that- HGJDHDBFHFHD.

I want him. I want him ON ME. I legit- like. I'm acespec, sex repulses me, the thought of being touched is so scary, but like I'd let him be all over me if he actually wanted me. I'd let him do ANYTHING.

I am so fucking attracted to this guy, and we have so much in common that some days we do nothing but play video games for literally the whole day together... We play almost every night and he puts up with my drunk nonsense, he doesn't complain <333

I wish I could tell him about the shit I'm into bc the only way this could get better is if I get proper dominated man I'm- I'm weak, I'm small, I like hiding behind people and letting them make all the decisions. I'm a dog for this man. I'm property.

FUCK I am drunk rn and if any of my friends find this I'm going to be humiliated beyond belief, they don't-

Nobody knows how much I want this man to fuck me and it weighs heavy, like, I don't even think he knows how I'd kill for him to both absolutely wreck me AND baby me.

Bc on one hand. I'm a little baby. I'm pure. I'm innocent. Treat me like a little goober and hold me and. IDK FUCK MAYBE I JUST HAVE DADDY ISSUES BC I THINK IM ASKING FOR A DILF-

... but on the other hand, I'm a bad person, I'm the worst, I'm whatever villain you need me to be just PLEASE put me in my fucking place I *WANT* you to punish me I'm like literally asking for it, I'm doing shit that gets on ur nerves bc I wanna be RAILED man I WOULD BE SO MUCH LESS ANNOYING IF YOUD JUST SLAM ME AGAINST THE WALL AND BREAK ME WHEN IM A LITTLE BITCH

HhHh.

I still can't believe I'm saying all this shit

I'm beyond wasted. Like. Intoxicated moreso than usual. Typing this so far has taken an HOUR and I got sad halfway through out of humiliation and went to write that first post. But even through all the drinking, all I can really think about is being pinned to his bed 👉👈,,,

,,, it's not just sex either bc I want kisses. Neck kisses. Like. Damn. I want him to hold me from behind. I want to cling to him. Hide my face against him. If he touched my face I would do the fucking meme thing and refuse to let go of his hand. I want to snuggle against him and just. Disappear for a while.

.... I want to cry myself to sleep in *his arms* instead of on my own. I hug my pillows and try desperately to pretend they're him. I see him when I fall asleep, when I'm alone, when I'm sad... when I'm fucking suicidal the thing that stops me is that then I'd have to wait who KNOWS how long for him to live out his own life, and that I might have to watch him fall in love with someone else (the worst thing ever)

If. If I ever lost him idk what I'd do because fuck dude. He's everything. Victor is my world. I want to meet him.

.... I also want him to control every aspect of my life and tell me what to do bc without guidance I drown. Ppl might think it'd be toxic, but I think I need that in my life. I hate making decisions. I want to sit quietly and let him think, bc I'm bad at thinking, and thinking overwhelms me. I want him to hide me behind him and be the one to handle the world so that I can just be *his.*

UGH. THIS IS THE HORNIEST, SAPPIEST FUCKING POST IVE EVER MADE EVER.

[felixwaffling]

YOU'RE A VIRGIN, AND I'M JUST A METHHEAD‼️

I THINK YOU'RE CUTE AND YOU THINK I'M A JUNKIE‼️

YOU HAVEN'T LEARNED TO FUCK, AND I'M ROYALLY FUCKED‼️

BECAUSE YOU'RE YOU, AND YOU FUCKED UP AND CARED ABOUT ME‼️‼️‼️‼️👹👹👹👹

[felixwaffling]

It's 7:58 am and I haven't had my first drink yet but I MISS MY BOYFRIEND so I'm probably gonna get wasted soon 👉👈

[felixwaffling]

I'm rocking back and forth and gagging rn bro this sucks. I hate it. I hate who I am so ficking much I just wanna be normal dude I can't this iscgonna get usedcagains5 me when I'm sober again so I'm REALLY sorry to future me I'd say don't hate me but I know you already hate me for not hanging myself rn

I hate my self and I hate my body And I hate that I do this to the people I love

[felixwaffling]

The random rushes of anxiety

The way my eyes hurt from crossing

The way my head is a jumbled mess of concerns and anger and sadness

The way I'm ALWAYS HORNY during it

The way my stomach hurts

The guilt.

The way I feel everyone hates me.

Every sound makes me feel sick.

Every movement makes me want to die.

I want to die.

I want to do something really really messed up.

I want to hurt people

I want people to hurt *me*

I'm seeing shit

My bones r locking up

I feel both tense and numb as the same time

I can't stop smiling

I can't stop staring

I can't stop thinking

I can't think

Everything hurts

Everything is numb

I need help but nobody can help me, I need to stop but I don't know if I believe the "no, but really, I could stop if it got bad lol"

I'm so fucking tired of every say being this cycle, I can't go a day without multiple drinks. I'd prolly have an apartment by now if I saved instead of giving M all my money for drinks.

I'm so tired.

I keep coughing

I can't like. Control my muscles

I feel so guilty

I feel so angry

I hate ppl who want me better, but I hate ppl who encourage me. I hate people who ignore me most.

I hate being blown off. My feelings are real. I didn't mean to hurt anyone but I was in pain I wanted to die so bad bro

I love his attention that fucking special kind I get when I'm drunk I love that shit I feed off of it

Oh my god I need him to rail me lol but like that's ever gonna happen he's probly repulsed by my body so like yknow sex is dumb anyways and nobody needs it least of all me I'm not needy hahah

[felixwaffling]

Keep telling myself I'm not an alcoholic but atp it's just for the sake of keeping up normality, everybody knows I am one, even my boyfriend, who I probably should be trying hardest to keep it from. I mean, fuck man, ALL of my income goes to drinking and drugs... Or gifts for friends but I DIGRESS...

I don't really think this is healthy, but I don't see a point in stopping either. I'm a fun drunk, my friends find it funny, I find it funny, my boyfriend... I hope he finds me funny. Why go through the hell of recovering when being a drunk literally makes people like me MORE.

Plus, maybe I.. Kinda like when people look after me. I don't think it's a kink... I think I'm just searching for that gentleness I didn't get as a kid....