#feels soooo GOOD to finally check this off my list

[flamingpudding]

I have a theory!

Duke groaned, his head tumping against his desk on his side of the room. He had heard these words often enough by now to know that his roommate was going to start ranting about something strange but weirdly fascinating again.

The last time his roommate started with that, he went on a rant how all rich people have a secret basement below their homes or some secretly identities with a bulletpoint list of what to look out for as a warning. Which Duke had a hard time not laughing about as he thought about Bruce, who ended up checking a lot of the bulletpoints.

"Danny what is it now?" Duke ended up asking after all. He knew he wouldn't be able to stop his roommate. No one aside from his sister apparently could, Danny even gave her number to Duke as an emergency number in case Danny ever gets so caught up in his own thoughts that even he himself couldn't stop himself anymore. Yeah that was weird to watch Danny trying to stop himself, but it was fascinating that his sister only needed to say his name twice over the speaker.

"Duke hear me out!" Okay of to a good start, so this meant Danny wasn't a hundred percent behind his own theory.

"Red Hood is a ghost or part ghost!"

If Duke had been drinking something, he would have taken a spit take here. For some reasons he had the image of Jason wearing a bed sheet saying the most deadpan 'Boo' in his head when Danny said that. He coughed, trying to hide that amusement. "What makes you say that?"

"You know how you 'saw' that I am a 'Meta'?" Danny ask him in return and Duke nodded still feeling a but weird with how Danny sounded when he refred to himself as Meta but also vividly remembering how his roommate pretty much blinded him on the day he moved into the dorms. "I can kind of see something similar. Like I explained how I have a ghost sense and all that, right?"

"Yea, you did." Duke nodded along, he new his roommate became a Meta through a lab accident. Once Duke had asked him and they had the cleared the air about both of them being Metas, Danny had somewhat opened up a bit on his whole weird family and Duke thought his family wasn't normal but compared to the Fentons the Batfamily might as well could be.

"Well last night I ran into him when I went scrap collecting for my engineering project!"

"DANNY!" Duke couldn't help but scowl. One the school was providing materials, Danny didn't need to do that and two, if he met Red Hood aka Jason that meant Danny wandered far enough to end up near or in Crime Alley! He would need to bug Jason later to find out more about that.

"I know, I know." His roommate waved him off. "Anyway, my ghost sense tingled. Soooo Red Hood got to be a ghost or part ghost, considering he hit a wall instead of phasing through it when he chased me..."

"Danny!" Duke scowled him again, hidding his amusement behind it. Now, he really had to get THAT story out of Jason later, plus he wanted to see if there maybe was possible video proof of Jason running into a wall chasing after Danny.

"Anyway! I got more than just that! Listen here, you know how I told you about some of my parents' inventions..." Danny instead continued finally starting his rant.

[bloodsalted]

lil update. some medical stuff, just so ya know! (long winded. sorry!)

// soooo. now that everything is settled and fine. i just wanted to pop a message up to say thanks to everyone for being so patient with me this past month. i had a pretty big health scare that i didn't really talk about unless it was privately to a handful of people. i'm talking about four. and barely anyone offline. most of which happened about a week before the final test because i don't like people worrying about me. it was the kind where a biopsy is done and all that jazz. waiting from one test to another and the results was a mental mind fuck to put it bluntly. with my ocd and anxiety/panic disorder being triggered mainly by my health? uh. it was a wild ride. i was up and down in my moods and carrying on as normally as possible but my brain was pretty much nonstop--that.

but!!! everything is clear and non-threatening and how my gut kept telling me it'd be. ahh mental health working against you tho. it's a bitch! took me even a week or so after the good news to start getting back into my head correctly! a nurse told me it was the adrenaline built up in my kidneys and leaving my body making it so tired! this week i'm FINALLY feeling back to my normal self. with a bit more of an appreciation for my family, friends and all my loved ones. and you guys and gals and non-binary pals, too! the dash was a blessing to occupy my time with. even if i wasn't writing. reading your posts always makes me happy. so if you're on my follow list? and part of my day to day?

this is just me saying thanks. i appreciate you all more than you know. and man. don't take your health for granted. take care of yourselves. get your check ups. and do what's right for your body. cause i love ya. i'm cleaning today off and on. but i'm planning on binging some supernatural and some spooky stuff once everything's how i want it and dusting off my writing brain as i go! did a lot of video gaming to try and fill up my brain when i was being quiet, too. but it's not the most creative thing in the world! so!!! catch up is coming! much love!

ps. it took me a while to post this cause i'm so so so freaking never wanting to give peeps a reason to worry. but i really wanted you guys to know what's up and why my activity has been so sporadic/focused on a small amount of things. give ya the ol' heads up. i know none of you expect a reason or whatever. i just thought i'd share. and give ya all a reminder that you're important.

[alphinias]

Hi please can you give me some good Draco and hermione fics? Xxx

Idk if you want full length or oneshots, but I’ll go for full length.

To start off the list, I am FINALLY reading manacled. I’m on chapter 55 or somewhere around there and it is in fact amazing, but please PLEASE check trigger warnings. It’s not for everyone and I definitely wouldn’t give it to anyone as their first Dramione fic.

The Disappearances of Draco Malfoy - this one feels so in character and like it could actually be the last book. Loved it a lot and it’s one of the ones I read more recently meaning in the past year.

The Gloriana Set- I’ll be so honest I’ve forgotten most of this one but clearly I enjoyed it a lot or it wouldn’t be in my saved 😭

Draco Malfoy and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being in Love- I can’t stress enough how much this is one of my favorite fics I’ve read. It took me a couple chapters to get into but IT’S SO SLOW BURN AND SO GENUINELY FUNNY and the author has a book being published next year that I’ll definitely be purchasing.

Twinned Quills- I also don’t remember much of this one but sometimes I enter a haze when I read these lmao. It’s in my saved so past me loved something in it!

Remain Nameless- genuinely cannot eat a blueberry scone without thinking of this fic. It’s SO good and felt super in character.

Things We’re all too Young to Know- this fic felt very unique and I remember especially enjoying the first half!

The Rights and Wrongs Series- I shove this one so far down literally everyone’s throat and I will continue to do so! SOOOO good. Some of my favs. The pining from draco in this is top tier.

Also, go read the fallout if you haven’t. I don’t have a link to it on hand and I don’t feel comfortable linking random people’s google docs that I’ve found, but it can be found with a google search. It’s just not on the fic websites anymore.

[musical-shit-show]

“i fucking love you.” “hang up, and tell me this when you’re sober.” Dewey Finn x reader angst? Can go either way. I love ur work so much onh my goodness I can’t get enough

modern idiots

Pairing: Dewey Finn x Reader

Inspiration: Prompt #3 (“i fucking love you.” “hang up, and tell me this when you’re sober.”) from Prompt List 1

Warnings: Cursing, drinking, suggestive dialogue, mutual pining, angst, fluff at the end

Word Count: 2,200

Author’s Note: So, I’m actually embarrassed at how long this took. I think I just hit a wall at soooo many points, but I’m hoping the end result is what the original requester had in mind. Thanks everyone for their patience. I know I’m not the most consistent poster, but I hope to take the next few months to write more and redo my layout to make my masterlist a bit more streamlined. As always, check out my about me page and prompt lists if you’d like to submit an ask. I’d love to get a BJ ask out before the end of spooky season, but unfortunately, I’m drowning in Halloween activities. But definitely stay tuned and enjoy!

“So,” you heard a flirty drawl come from your phone speaker, “Got any fun plans tonight? Maybe…a hot date?”

You snorted a laugh as you surveyed the scene in front of you: a large bowl of popcorn, fluffy blanket draped across your lap, Sex and the City playing on the TV at low volume.

“Oh yeah,” you replied sarcastically, “I actually have a line of suitors out the door just waiting to ask for my hand. It’s all very Regency era.”

“I’ll just pretend I know what ‘Regency era’ means and say…good for you, babe,” Dewey said, making another giggle escape from your throat.

Nobody made you laugh like Dewey Finn. He was your best friend and more recently, your best fuck buddy. You swore you’d never get yourself into a situation like this, but with Dewey it just felt so…easy. Natural.

And if you were spending your time fucking him, you’d have less time to stop and think about how hopelessly in love you were with him. Definitely not the easiest predicament to get yourself out of, but at least it involved good sex.

“Remind me to force you to watch Pride and Prejudice sometime,” you mused, popping a few kernels of popcorn into your mouth, “We need to get you educated, Finn.” Now it was his time to laugh, and you felt your heart flutter as his rich chuckle filled your ears.

“Well, maybe I could come over tonight to get some…tutoring…” he probed. You could practically hear his smirk from the other side of the phone line.

You quickly remembered how disheveled you looked. Even though he was your best friend, Dewey was still a man; And you knew all too well how superficial men could be, no matter how well they thought they knew you.

“Eh, I don’t know,” you said, running your fingers through your hair that definitely should’ve been washed the day prior, “Maybe sometime later this week? I haven’t showered today and—”

“Perfect, I haven’t either,” he cut you off, “We can shower together.”

This motherfucker.

“Very smooth,” you considered. But you couldn’t give in so easily. You knew every time you slept with him, the harder it would be to repress your feelings.

Dewey waited on bated breath. He wanted, no, needed to see you. Not because he had grown accustomed to a consistent booty call, as nice as the arrangement had been.

No, he was finally going to tell you how he really felt.

That he loved you. And way before you had ever shared a bed; he thought maybe he had loved you from the first moment you met. Which sounded unbelievably cheesy every time Dewey thought about it.

But it was true. He was sure of it.

He just felt like the biggest idiot in the world for not telling you before landing in this mess. The no strings attached, friends with benefits kind that you had both agreed on.

It’s what you wanted. And for a while, he tried to convince himself that it’s what he wanted too. That it would just be enough just to hold you, touch you, kiss you.

But Dewey, despite his best efforts, was a romantic. Even if you rejected him, at least he’d put himself out there. The thought was terrifying, but he couldn’t stand the torture anymore. All he needed was for you to actually agree to see him.

“I just don’t think tonight is a good night, Dew,” you said finally. He furrowed his brow. You had never passed on a hangout, not even before you two had started hooking up. He tried to ignore the knot forming in his stomach.

The line was silent for a noticeably long beat. “You still there?” you squeaked, wondering what was up with him. Surely, he could wait a couple days? Maybe that would be enough time for you to get your shit together and act normal.

He cleared his throat. “Uh, yeah, yep. Still here, sorry,” he muttered, “It’s fine, I’ve actually been meaning to go out with Ned anyways so…I’ll text ya.” The disappointment laced in his voice made your heart hurt.

“Dew, I’m so—”

“Hey, don’t worry about it,” he cut in before you could properly apologize, “I, uh, gotta go.” And then the line went dead.

You felt your guilt wrap around your heart and constrict it like a python. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to see Dewey per se, but you didn’t know how to be around him any more without spilling your guts and confessing.

And the thought of being rejected and losing his friendship was too much to bear. If suffering in silence was the way to keep him in your life, you’d happily take that torment.

Getting up from the couch, you swung open your fridge and eyed the two unopened bottles of wine you had bought weeks earlier. You quirked an eyebrow to your empty apartment, Carrie Bradshaw still monologuing from your living room.

Maybe you wouldn’t be as tormented after a few glasses.

~oOo~

Dewey didn’t feel like drinking. The bar was too loud, the patrons were too preppy, and the beer he was nursing was too expensive.

He made a mental note to never let Ned pick the going out spot ever again.

It had only been a few hour since he last spoke to you, but he had been absentmindedly checking your contact in his messages the whole night. He wanted to text you and apologize for acting weird, but he couldn’t find the words.

He couldn’t escape the sinking feeling that you had lost interest in him; It tore him up inside to think that you didn’t want to see him anymore, or worse, had found someone else.

He could’ve kicked himself for letting your friendship become anything more without him telling you how he really felt. He was a coward, and now the thought of losing his best friend made his stomach turn.

Dewey’s shame spiral was interrupted by his phone buzzing incessantly.

It was you.

And his heart nearly jumped out of his chest.

“Hello?” he answered tentatively, rising from his barstool to find a quieter place to talk to you. He found himself running outside, the late summer air still percolating with humidity.

He heard you giggle on the other end, followed by a snort. A snort.

You never snorted. Unless you were drunk.

“Heyyy Dewey,” you drawled. You had already finished your first bottle of wine and had just opened the second. Which meant you were feeling very bold and very honest. “How’s your night going?”

Dewey couldn’t help but let a small smile flit across his face. Even when you were very clearly smashed, you still managed to be polite.

“Uh, it’s going okay,” he said, glancing back towards the door to the bar, “Definitely not as good as yours sounds.”

“Andwhat’sthatsupposedtomean?” you slurred, eliciting a laugh from Dewey. You could feel the confession rising in your throat, burning like bile.

“All I’m saying…” he said, rubbing the back of his neck, “is that you seem like you’re really enjoying your night in.” He couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt; Maybe if he hadn’t been so short with you, you wouldn’t have been self-medicating alone in your apartment.

You groaned into your throw pillow, unable to fight the urge any longer. “I’m sad.”

“Why are you sad?”

“Because, I fucked it up. I fucked us up,” You felt salty tears sting in your eyes. It wasn’t like you to be the drama queen, but wine always made you a bit weepy.

He sighed. “You didn’t do anything wrong,” Dewey said gently, feeling even guiltier for being so pissy earlier, “I’m sorry. I just…really wanted to see you tonight. But there’s always other nights.”

A small sob caught in your throat at the statement. Though you were happy to know he wasn’t going to kick you to the curb, the weight on your chest wouldn’t let up until you told the truth.

“I-I know,” you sounded so pathetic, but there was nothing you could do to stop yourself. “You’re just…Dewey, you’re my best friend. And I-I was scared, but I’m not scared anymore.”

Dewey shook his head. He really shouldn’t be taking you at your word when you were plastered like this. “Look…you don’t have to do this.”

“But I do, Dewey. I fucking love you.”

He didn’t know what to say. He just knew he couldn’t hear that from you right now, not when you might not actually mean it.

He took deep breath and hoped he was making the right choice. “Hang up, and tell me this when you’re sober.”

Your stomach sank as you heard the piercing beep beep beep that indicated the end of the call.

~oOo~

Dewey shuffled into his apartment hours later, leaving Ned behind at the bar with the rest of his friends. At least one of them was having a good night.

After hanging up with you, he tried, really tried to take his mind off of what you had said. But he couldn’t. Every time his thoughts lingered, your words played on a loop over and over.

I fucking love you.

It didn’t seem real. It almost felt like a prank, though he knew you could never be that cruel. But that nagging feeling told him that it was just the alcohol talking, and that you’d call him up tomorrow for a very awkward conversation.

He sighed heavily, switching the TV on to distract himself. His calloused fingers drummed on his knee rhythmically, a nervous tick he had picked up after years of band practices and rock concerts.

He contemplated grabbing another beer from the fridge; he wasn’t even a little buzzed, but maybe taking a page out of your playbook would act as a temporary cure to the unease he was feeling.

His thoughts were again interrupted by his phone buzzing.

You again.

Only this time, he contemplated letting the call go to voicemail. He wasn’t sure how drunk you’d sound on the other end, especially after he ended your last call so abruptly.

With a deep sigh, he picked up. “Hello?” he answered hesitantly.

“Hey,” you replied. To Dewey’s surprise, you sounded stone cold sober. “Can we talk?”

He felt his entire body tense.

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, we can. You sound…better?”

You couldn’t help but snort a laugh. Your head was pounding, your stomach was churning, and your eyes were watering from embarrassment. “Yeah, never better,” you deadpanned.

You couldn’t help but gulp, swallowing your shame. “I’m uh, actually here,” you stumbled awkwardly, “Like, at your place.”

Before you could even think of what you’d say next, Dewey’s door swung open and he stood in front of you, wide-eyed and clearly shocked at your presence.

You both stood in a rigid silence for a moment, unsure of what to say given what had transpired earlier that evening.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hi,” you squeaked.

He couldn’t help but give you a once over, a tiny smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. Running his fingers through his dark brown hair, he blurted the first thing that came to mind.

“Did you mean it?”

You blinked stupidly. “Did I mean it?” you had to repeat his question just to let it sink in.

“Yeah,” he doubled down, “Did you actually mean it when you said you loved me? Or was it the booze talking? Because honestly if it was the booze talking, I’d completely understand, I mean shit, I say things I don’t mean all the time when I’m hammered, just ask Ned—”

“Dewey—”

“—I mean seriously, I was being such a fucking jackass earlier, but it’s only because I’d never thought you’d be into me the way that I’m into you, and—”

“Dewey!” you said again, finally cutting off his rambling, “Breathe.”

He took a shallow breath.

“I meant it,” the words tumbled from your mouth, “I love you. And I’m sorry that it took me getting completely shitfaced after our fight for me to finally tell you. I really was scared of losing whatever we had, and I totally get it if you don’t feel the same way and—”

“Now I gotta shut you up, babe,” Dewey said, his voice smooth despite his cheeks being flush.

He grabbed your waist and pulled you towards him, placing a surprisingly gentle kiss on your mouth. You had kissed Dewey hundreds of times since you began hooking up, but there was something different about this one.

It felt like he wasn’t holding back anymore, and neither were you.

Just as you started to deepen the kiss, he pulled away. “And if it wasn’t obvious, I love you, too. And I really am sorry for tonight.”

Your heart swelled at hearing him reciprocate, and you threw your arms around his neck. “I’m sorry, too. I guess we were both being idiots, huh?”

He nodded, and you giggled. “Maybe…we could make it up to each other? Say, right now?”

You smirked, and kissed him one more time for good measure. “That’s the best idea you’ve had in months, Finn.”

------------------------------------------------------------------

thanks for reading! as always, like/comment/reblog if you enjoyed!

:)

[b-ritney]

MY FAVS LIST PT.2

for some reason every time I try to add a new fic to my original favs list it says there is an "Error processing my post" *rolling my eyes* I have so many fics to add to the list tho, get ready to add some new HEAT to your TBR :)

PART 1 You DO NOT want to miss these

mostly Stranger Things and Avatar lmao

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sleepy and Needy in Steves Lap by @lunarzstarz SMUT

Oh my f'ing GAWD, this is *chef's kiss* this writer is SO talented.

she's gonna save me by @newlips Fluff

Bestie im on my knees. You killed that fr, mechanic Eddie never disappoints. :) THIS IS A 2 PaRt SeriES so far!!

as long as you need by @lilacletter SMUT

As promised I was FINALLY able to add this to the list! :) I love the kindness and attentiveness the writer portrayed in Eddie it's so PerFecT, this writer is sooo talented! Get ready to MELT like a popsicle in JULY.

You Give Love A Bad Name by @cinemaquinn SMUT SMUT SMUT

Also as promised I was finally able to add this to the list :) come get ya'll JUICE!!! I am LIVING for the breaks in his dominant demeanor. Like even though he's a dick he still wants her to feel good and be comfortable. BUT THE ENDING TORE MY ASS UPPPPP girllllll it's soooo good!

Ok i had to come back and add more to this bc i've now read it 3 times.

You know when you're looking for that perfect dynamic in a fic that is the sexiest to you? This is that for me. Like you can tell that even though he is cocky and has the rockstar persona when it gets down to it you can tell he genuinely cares that she is comfortable and enjoying herself. and the CHECKING IN had me giggling and kicking my feet like... he is giving me whiplash in the best way... its like a fatal attraction, he draws you in with the bad boy persona and then switches up and is all sweet and caring and then goes right back to the bad boy. I'm so excited to see how the next part goes.

Lets Go Dont Wait by @carolmunson spicy Fluff

Girl... you've once again blessed me with a masterpiece, I'm officially dubbing it a New York Times best-seller

Check out @pandorxx and @tiredmamaissy for some KILLER avatar smut... I mean both of these writers are so talented... and the content they serve is *bitting my knuckles* SO PeRfecT.... if you love ten-foot-tall, blue, SHREDDED cat people then they've got you covered fr fr <3

Satiate me by @zujime SMUT

hehehehehe this is.. hehehe sensational... we love a tired, hazy dick down... at least I do. *cries in virgin* Listen... The casual dominance had me at attention like YES SIRRRRR when he goes, “Open up for me, yeah?” and “Tongue out, baby, come on.” I was GONE. seriously fabulous work <3

Just call me Mr.Munson by @bimbobaggins69 SMUT

Listen the idea of sucking dick has never been appealing to me.. only just recently have I discovered this itty bitty part of me that might like it a little... but THIS, this has given me a whole new perspective lmao consider my horizons broadened, and the idea not completely off the table LMFAO <3 awesome fic

Eddie Shotgunning blurb by @wndalovebot SpICy <3

Doing this with someone is in my top 3 fantasies lmao you should have heard the scream I scrumpt lmao I am a fucking fool for this. You know what I would do if this ever happened to me.... I honestly don't know... but my knees are weak just thinking about it. Sooo Good! <3

Steddie Tattooing blurb by @idkmanijustwannawrite SMUT

Y'all already know this was being added immediately, lmao this first time I got a tat was a religious experience bc I discovered so much about myself lmaooo I was like "you know what would be good with this???" ...Head... all these thoughts were internal. Don't worry I have some semblance of decency lmao then I found out that there is a whole community of people who think the same thing on here lmao all jokes aside, this is so so so good go give it a read, show the author some love, you will not be disappointed. <3

Mafia Eddie by @oneforthemunny

This shit has me giggling like a fool, I can not talk enough about how talented this writer is, I am on my knees fr queen. It's the type of writing you read over and over and NEVER get tired of. <3 Mafia Eddie does something to me frrrrr.

Jake Sully x Bimbo gf by @coffeeandbookskeepmealive SMUT

This keeps me up at night lmao I'll be so for real I'm in between finals rn and I read this before taking my next test... I can't tell you how many times I've read it already.... I'm not normally into the lil housewife type thing but BRUH this had me crossing my legs and giggling fr. What I like about this is that it fits the prompt but Jake doesn't dehumanize her for being lil slut for him. He still treats her nice and wants her to feel good and that makes me FERAL. Go show this writer some love! <3

The Truest Statement by @newlips 18+

I know this isn't necessarily fan fiction lmao but this is going to live in my head forever... lmfao 'big stretch' bruh i'm gone I blacked out.

Something Extra by @luveline SMUT

This was in my first favs list but the damn link broke at some point so I wanted to put it here again because it is sooo good and deserves proper recognition!!! putting my old comments below :)

It's the way he so sexily explains what he's gonna do to the reader and asks if it's ok and everything, we love a respectful man UGH actually though it is so so so so good.

I Need Something By @hellfiremunsonn SMUT

This is the first time I've seen an author (yes an AUTHOR you are so talented <3) mention a lil panic moment after sex which is more common than people might think, there are so many emotions flooding your system at once. and HOLY F this was just all-around amazing... when he "hey hey hey baby you're okay." My cheeks got HOT fr. <3

The "yes" Policy by @pinkrelish Fluff EVENTUAL SMUT

I have mentioned this before but I am just now on the last part and I want to tell the author with all honesty... your writing style blows my mind I was enthralled in every sentence and I could read this over and over and over... you are beyond incredibly talented.. this is the type of story that could EASILY become a brilliant movie and YOU did that! I really hope you are proud of yourself bc all jokes aside this series is a masterpiece. EVERYONE should read this.

Rabbit Food by @oneforthemunny SMUT

The truth is that I need to go through and write a commentary on all your master lists bc everything you write is gold but for some reason this week DILF Eddie has me in a fucking chock hold. Also, new kink unlocked... thank you. LMAO This is another author I can't recommend enough! <3

us versus them by @myosotisa SMUT

You should know I will be back to read this over and over and if I could leave 1000 hearts I would bc GOOD GAWD this did something to me fr fr. This part in particular:

"Did so good for me, sweetheart.

So pretty, so perfect.

Come back to me, baby. Nice and easy."

yeah, I died a little. As in I blushed so hard I had to get up and walk away to cool down. Take a bow bc you DID THAT!!

Phone Sex Operator Eddie by @bimbobaggins69 SMUT

pt. 2

Lord have mercy. Let me start with, this is relatable af bc not only can I not talk to men in person but I can barely make phone calls LMFAO. This is a 2 part series so far y'all come get you some this is such a cute idea.

Sort of similar... I got a phone call from a military recruiter that is always trying to get me and my friends to join the Marines and his voice was so sexy I just ended up flirting with him the whole time (respectfully). Then we found out it's the same marine that we see in person at the mall all the time lmao so I've met this dude in person bahaha (once again respectfully.)

I fr was like "oh haha I wish you could see who you're talking too, the military wouldn't want me." BAHAHA my ass was FISHING for compliments BAHAHA

TBC... <3

[rivetgoth]

I got tagged by @captainspaulding to list my 10 favorite songs of the month so far :D I feel kinda stupid because I don’t completely get what that means/how to rank or categorize them so I’m just gonna list 10 songs that’ve stuck out a bunch to me this September so far in no order!

Idk who to tag uhh… @lysistra @maldoror-est-mort @ourladyofomega @omegaverse @theonlycure @john--adreams @testure-1988 @blackchantilly No pressure of course, just if you want to :) And TY Mason for the tag!!

1.) Portishead— Sour Times

This month started out really cool and cloudy and it felt soooo exciting having September begin and early fall weather and pumpkin spice and Halloween things going up in stores. I love listening to trip hop in that kind of weather and I’ve listened to a lot of Portishead’s “Dummy” in particular the last week or so.

2.) Sneaker Pimps— 6 Underground

Ditto but even more so because I heard this at a birthday party last night. Birthday girl was playing a trip hop playlist and I was sooooo excited lol. Hearing this one encouraged me to revisit Sneaker Pimps’ debut for the first time in a hot second.

3.) Oingo Boingo— On the Outside

Polar opposite to trip hop, I’ve also been listening to Oingy Boingy with October and Halloween coming up. It’s the right vibe for this time of year ykwim. Not much else to say… it’s fun it’s spooky etc.

4.) Shock Doctrine— Blood Copy

I saw Shock Doctrine live last weekend and they were cool so I checked out their studio albums and they blew me awayyyyy. They’re extremely talented and fun and I’ve been listening to both of their EPs a ton.

5.) Shock Doctrine— Compound Eye

Ditto. Another really good track of theirs off of their other EP.

6.) Murder, Inc.— Uninvited Guest

I LOVE Murder, Inc.’s self-titled album and think it’s grossly underrated and totally horrible how obscure it is nowadays. Shock Doctrine kinda reminds me of ‘em so I’ve been revisiting them lately. Love love love this one but I could list anything off the album tbqh.

7.) Tricky— Christiansands

Fuck it, more trip hop. I’ve been listening to a lot ov it. This is one of my very favorites of the genre, it’s so cool and so atmospheric and so psychedelic. Never gets old.

8.) PIG— Cult of Chaos

September 5th was the anniversary of seeing PIG live for the first time! 2023 is also the 5 year anniversary of Pig’s album ���Risen” which came out that same year, and which blew my fucking miiiiiiind when it first came out. I listened to it nearly daily for basically the rest of the year. So it’s been on my mind. I’ve been listening through the whole album but this one is one of my very favorites lol.

9.) Vision Video— Cruelty Commodity

Again, colder drearier weather (and more stress recently, tbqh, what with new jobs and all 😭🙏) has me listening to different music, right now alongside the trip hop there’s also been more classic gothy music on rotation and I finally caught up with Vision Video’s new releases. I LOVE this song. Such classic goth rock, reminds me a lot of Southern Death Cult. Really really really fantastic song.

10.) The Bellwether Syndicate— Dystopian Mirror

Along the same vein I also revisited The Bellwether Syndicate whose work I super enjoy, and I’m still blown away by this song after it dropped last year. It’s SO good. Gets me so pumped up. Omg. I think these guys are crazy underappreciated to be honest.

[minalblood]

Ok so my brain decided to deepen its own damage last night as I was rewatching The Winchesters (season 1) finale so buckle up it’s a long one fellas.

So I was listening and when I heard Keep on Rambling come on during the bar scene with Joan, my mind went huh, I wonder where this is placed in the album. So I went and checked. Mainly I was curious cuz usually an album tells a story and Jensen made it pretty clear that unlike the previous two albums where they were just trying shit out, this one was meant to be more consistent and have a clear throughline. So as I said, I checked.

It’s the 6th song btw, the 1st of the 2nd half of the album. I kind lost it after that tbh. Let me explain why ok:

So if we go by the logic that the album tells a story and we tie it to Dean (and destiel cuz duh tbh) we have this shit happening: Right Kind of Trouble - you can tie this to SPN directly, this is Dean realizing that Cas is basically it for him despite the constant fights they’ve been having and more so allowing himself to acknowledge that. Basically this is the Purgatory apology. Like legit this song is to me what Dean really wanted to tell Cas, that Cas didn’t allow him to. This is a love confession itself, one that says I know I fucked up, but If you give me a chance again I will do so much better cuz you’re it for me, we match. Like look at this shit guys:

Like this is pure divorce era Deancas and you can’t tell me otherwise, but more specifically, Dean thoughts as he eventually apologized in 15x09 The Trap.

Then we got Forever ain’t Long. This for me can of course still be about the divorce era, sure, but more so it feels like 15x18 Despair and regretting having gotten to this point and now it being too late to change anything cuz Cas is dead. Like how much clearer can it be? Like it’s literally a plea for time to turn back and for the relationship to go back to being as it was before all the mess Chuck and just the divorce era caused, but cannot since Cas is dead (Take me forever/forever ain’t long). And also, just this song screams Despair to me, it’s one of the saddest ones on the whole album, it reeks of grief. And it’s a direct call for Cas with the heaven line off the bat:

Also this part? This is mindspace for sobbing on the floor and 15x19 vibes for me.

Next is Every Light, the ultimate Dean song right? Well specifically this ties into 15x19 - telling Chuck he can just have his ending, just bring Cas back - and more importantly, and it’s also something I think we all heard, it’s about what shall not be named, the fucking 15x20 finale. I don’t need to bang on too much here but like, it’s even more than that. Because with TW 1x13 we find out he decided to stray from heaven while we were still mid ep 15x20 which means these are him going, hey I need to do sth about this, I need to figure out what’s wrong here, make sense of it and make it right cuz fuck this, I ain’t just taking this shit hand I’ve been given. Like I could literally put the whole song here but like imma put just some:

This is pure intergenerational trauma banging around in his head.

Ain’t no telling is next on the list and this is now heading into Winchester territory a bit, but not quite fully there. I see it as a continuation of the above aka I don’t want to go, but now that I’m gone and it’s not good, why is it not good, who am I after all, does anyone really know and does it really matter? And by anyone I do mean Cas tbh cuz like yea, it would make sense. The song literally says hey, you love me through all of it, despite me not always being sure who tf I am or how far away from each other we are, but we are still going to take advantage of every second we have. Basically this to me feels like a retrospective of the divorce arc put into context by the confession and this restlessness and need to find something Dean gets while in heaven. Like the 1st verse if soooo Dean I just can’t.

Ok now we get into shady waters a bit because You make me Blue is a bit of an outlier tbh, which considering I think this was written just by Steve, it makes sense, buuut I can still fit it in here seamlessly like this: this is sung to Chuck. This is the realization or resolution to the question posed by Ain’t no telling essentially. This unsureness of self isn’t lying with Dean alone, this was brought on by Chuck and his machinations so the anger in the song matches perfectly. Again, all of this til now has been gearing up to leave heaven but still on the road so to speak, still matching the 15x20 set of events, but his mind is running and trying to make sense of things. And what do we get with this song? We get “I’m finally happy being free/me”. We get a concretised sense of self once it’s been made clear in Dean’s mind just how much Chuck fucked with him (and if you’re a Chuck Won truther like me, how much Chuck is still doing, has the realisation that maybe Jack isn’t quite Jack here cuz sth is clearly wrong, but it doesn’t matter anymore, he knows who he is so Chuck/Jack’s influence can’t affect him anymore). And again this is the one song that matches least, but if we take it to be Dean having trusted Chuck to not be the villain (see him going to shoot Jack for that and promising to bring Mary back), then this still fits for me.

And now that we close this chapter we get to our 1st offender again: Keen on Rambling and the 1st one that is without any doubt taking place during The Winchesters. Like the whole song states everything that we’ve just been told happened throughout season 1. Like ok, verse 1 is deciding to leave heaven even though heaven is meant to be a place to rest (find peace whatever). Then verse 2 is giving the AU he finds himself in with the Akrida a nudge in the right direction (I’m sorry with the calvary in tow??, headed southbound for the season???)  And finally we get to the last one which to me is meeting the Core 4 but especially Mary and John and giving them the journal (I have a story to tell — do tell). So yea, but he’s not done tho. The song is constantly saying to keep on rambling so there’s more to do to get to where he needs to be, he’s still restless. But it is the beginning of this next chapter and the beginning of the second half of the album like I said. It matches soo fuckign well tbh and I’m going a bit insane here so take all this with a grain of salt tbh.

Ok so now that we’ve reached the current point in the Dean story we have 4 more songs. Which to me is basically where Dean needs to get to. 

And honestly a bit of Sweet Escape still fits into the finale for season 1 of TW so let’s get to it. This one is very much saying I’ve been caught red handed and people are trying to keep me contained but I refuse to stay put cuz there’s still shit I need to do/find. Like this is where my Chuck Won truthing hits worst tbh, but it could just be the Jack’s non interference thing too as well tbh, but the other voices that need to be drowned out are def Jack here, who took him back to heaven at the end of 1x13 of TW so this is basically saying you may have gotten me back here, but I’ll break outta the inclosure anyways, you can’t stop me, I’m not done. And with the 1st verse’ ending it feels like not only is he not done, but there’s a plan in motion here. Also I CANNOT overstate how much the 2nd verse makes me think of the Empty.

Return to Me is self explanatory tbh, but I’ll ramble a bit here too. This one answers the question of what he’s searching for, why he can’t stop moving, what’s missing for him to be happy. And what’s missing is a person that he lost aka Cas. Like I really don’t even need to say much here, this song is literally Dean going hey this is what I need to be happy, this is how that can happen. It fucking has the lakeside and raincoat mentions, it’s blatant tbh. And moreso, the last verse is just a reiteration of what we all lost our shit about with Watching over Me aka how did I not know you loved me back, how did I miss that until it was literally too late. 

Restless Man is a prayer to me basically and also the song I relate to the most tbh. So I’ll try not to get lost in the meanings here. But basically it’s Dean asking Cas to give him the space and reason to slow down. Not stop, because it’s still Dean and he can’t do that, but to give him a place or person where he can feel safe to take a break, where he can just be, where he can learn how to just be instead of constantly needing to do everything for everyone else. To have a place where he can just focus on himself a bit and what he needs and wants and how to embrace being happy. And more than just that, it’s saying that he’s finally ready to allow someone to take care of him for a bit, to have a place where he doesn’t need to be constantly on guard.

And it wraps up with Velvet Sky which in this case is the happy ending. Happy not because there’s “peace when you are done” like Jack says, but because now they have a place of their own to go to whenever they are weary of the road. The 1st verse to me is referring to Dean travels through the multiverse - literally seen all the land, every beach and grain of sand  because he literally went and saw all the possibilities for things, saw the wide expanse of the multiverse in search for this place and this person that he can now be with. And it’s not peace here, the sea is angry still, but it’s what works for them. It’ll never be perfect and it doesn’t need to be, Dean just needs this place and person to be free to just be himself and that no one else can reach or affect again, have his story be his own. 

So yea, this is the insanity my brain concocted last night after rewatching The Winchesters season 1 finale and having a random thought about Radio Company. And like I could’ve left it be and not traced any connections, but they fucking used the song in the show and then used Ramble On as the song to send the episode off. I couldn’t just ignore the relevance of that. 

But anyway, none of this could be accurate at the end of the day, but I had to get it out cuz it was stuck on repeat all night. Let me know what you guys think.

[a-moth-to-the-light]

Most-Listened of January 2024

[last month]

Yeah, winter officially hit this month. Half of December was too Finals to be winter, and the other half was me reflecting on the year in music (so lots of 2023's most hard-hitting songs, which weren't exactly cozy winter music!). But in January, the snowy-gray-won't-leave-the-house mood actually hit--and I think it shows in this list (prepare yourself for LOTS of gloomy folk)! There were so many exciting releases this month, though, even though I couldn't muster up all that much energy about them--I'm really excited to see how the Sleater-Kinney, G-IDLE & Andrea Santiago albums will age!

1 . Boy's a liar Pt.2 -- PinkPantheress, Ice Spice

Yeah I sooooo get it now!! Like I don't fully get the lyrics, but it's so charming that I don't care! It's peak girl-next-door sweetness :)

2. BDH - Acústica Versión -- Bely Basarte

The first time I heard this, I wrote down: "Now THIS is how you do layered harmonies, cowards." I stand by my assessment—this is proof that acoustic tracks aren't boring, at least not when you give them a soundscape as beautiful as this one!

3. Tanta adrenalina -- Bely Basarte

This reminds me of the summer I was obsessed with Chung Ha's "California Dream"—even in January, I need some light, fluffy house in my life! (And yes, you can see that my Bely Basarte phase has kept going strong from last month!!)

4. Big Black Car -- Gregory Alan Isakov

I am a sad boy <3 (HOPE WAS A LETTER I NEVER COULD SEND !!!!)

5. Lost On You -- LP

I've been watching Loudermilk this month, and when I heard this song in the end credits of an episode, I instantly went to find it online. It's so wonderfully desolate, especially with those vocals... and the soft jingling of the guitar... *happy arm wave*

6. Southern Star -- Gregory Alan Isakov

Can’t stop singing this one—the melody is pure magic!

7. When the Party's Over -- Faux Paz

I like the original version better, but I'll never get tired of Faux Paz, either!

8. Ungrateful -- Megan Thee Stallion, Key Glock

Saw @shyreol post about this, and I'm so glad I decided to check it out (thank you for sharing)!! I'm absolutely obsessed with the hook—instant comfort song!

9. The Healing Game -- Van Morrison

Loudermilk part 2. This one hasn't even been played in the show yet, as far as I know, it just gets quoted by one of the characters—and deservingly, because these lyrics hit HARD. (And now I can cross 'liking a new Van Morrison song' off my music bucket list for the year—thanks, Loudermilk!)

10. Lalalala -- Stray Kids

This one has lost most of its appeal after a few weeks of listening, but it was very good noise to keep me sensory-happy during some rough weeks (and that ‘lalalalala’ hook is still great)! We'll see how it ages, I guess!

11. The Fall -- Gregory Alan Isakov

Speaking of Stray Kids, Isakov's lower register in this song is GLORIOUS.

12. Soldier, Poet, King -- The Oh Hellos

Believe it or not, I hadn’t heard of this one before December! It’s so good tho :)

13. What's Love -- Empress Of, MUNA

This sounds like the best parts of nighttime—it’s a little more muted than most synthpop these days, but it manages to stand out with just how ethereal it is! The production really just gets more beautiful with every listen—okay, maybe I just have a thing for vocoders…

14. La isla de Lesbos -- Javiera Mena

I don't really remember listening to this one in the past month? But I'm not mad about it being here—it's a classic in my book, because I can never say no to sparkly house music!

15. Smiley -- Yena, Bibi

An instant shot of energy, every time!! So glad I finally added Yena to my stan list, her music soooo deserves it!

Five-Star Songs This Month:

Ungrateful -- Megan Thee Stallion, Key Glock

Hell -- Sleater-Kinney (i mentioned how excited i was about this album right?? i love the texture of this song i love how it go grrrrr i love the line “hell is just a place that / we can’t seem to live without” !! i have a very good feeling about this one helping me get through the year SCREEEEEE)

BDH - Acústica Versión — Bely Basarte

Certainty -- Big Thief (this is what love is to me btw like i realized this month that i don’t think any other song has captured it better so here we are) (YOU LAY BESIDE ME / SLEEPING ON A PLANE / IN THE FUUUUUTUREEEEEEEE)

Was I Just Another One -- Gregory Alan Isakov (i listened to this allll the time in 2020, but i ended up developing a new appreciation for its atmosphere this month like good god i’m in awe GLOOMY FOLK GLOOMY FOLK IT IS A WASTELAND IT IS IMMACULATE EEEEEE !!)

[the-official-account]

♦️Episode 23 ♦️

Gonna skip mseto's clovenheart and come back around in my pass for the extras

[Felix is spar's ran, androgynous, willowy, Luna sibling &therefore elven light-medium brown skin VERY curly hair, which Spar also has when not slicked back, but brown eyes, sweet smile "between them and tars, they are obviously the more delicate one"]

[Josepha has green skin]

[Merim² is Felix's sibling, spar's Om (om is an ungendered word for aunt of uncle that has become my default for that usage but which I have seen used by other peope exactly once. But I like it. So.)]

The dreams sequence was uhhhh fucked up, methinks!

[Spar's restless & withdrawn when he's angry] hough....HOUGH.

Vellum making sure Spar's all healed up...ugh. ugh. Knife through my heart.

Yk how like there's that circle of distance animals tend to keep from sitting humans and how like dogs will come up really close to like any person but cats tend to stay further away?

Sometimes I think about that in situations like this, and what vellum's doing. Being visible, being available, helping keep watch but...letting someone take their time. Giving space at the same time.

I love that Vellum and Anya get along the are SO ♥️♥️♥️

Omg 🥰carnation🥰

Ah, I'm really glad they went to get her if they were gonna give up Anya........ [Vellum expresses that while he prefers to trust people it's often best to err on the side of assuming dishonesty—mostly at work]

OOOOHHHHHHHH ANYA'S DAD BEING IN CRYSTALLIS MAKES SO MUCH SENSE

Oh my god Anya is so sweet I love her!!!!

Spar if you don't fucking open up your goddamn heart and stop shielding and self isolating every time something sucks I will kick your ass!!!! I KNOW. it's hard, but fuck!

ANYA CALLS HIM KAOLIN VELLUM THEY HAD THE NAME MOMENT RHEY HAD!!!!!! THE NAME MOMENT IM SCREAMING. YAYYYYYY OH MY GOD!!!!!!!! >:DDDDD

They have such sibling-in-law energy. They have such "gossip over tea as the run rises before making sure everyone's up and ready for the family event" energy. Your honor I love them.

OPE spars up.

The hurt/comfort ideas this episode is implanting into my brain.

JACKS LETTER. HOLY SHIT

SEVENTEY TWO HOURS WAS......TOO LONG AGO, HUH? FUCKING HELL

"it's on the list" I'm gonna strangle spar.

Narratively? I love this. Narratively, spars doing so good. Narratively, gimme gimme gimme those good good flaws

Personally? Spar what the FUCK. Spar FUCK OFF. BITCH.

IPSWITCH'S "AHEM" UFKSGSKAGSKDG

"who should even be in charge of this?" technically Vellum, right? He's the one that gives final approval on use of force?

OH SPAR FEELS HELPLESS, THAT'S WHAT'S HAPPENING. Makes sense, checks out, mhm

"QCS LIKE WHY WOULD YOU KILL A POPSTAR" FOSVSOSGSKS FUCK LMAO

Vellum trying to pull Spar's bear hug move.

Oh, goddamn, this scene is....hooooo.

"greggins is gaining a new appreciation for spar's style of communication" spar communicates???

VELLUM PULLED NO FUCKING PUNCHES ON THAT PHONE CALL LMAO

"I need to hyperventilate for a minute and then I'll get back to you" first of all, mood—

"spar has never willingly taken a vacation...usually his loved ones trick him into it" spar is SUCH a hot mess, and I love Tatiana but girl....

VELLUMS BEING A LITTLE ARCHEOLOGIST IS SOOOO CUTE

LUNAVELLA AND BRUNHILDE HI!!!!!! I hope they kick his ass (not literally just give him a good talking to because spar what the fuck)

Spar...Spar speaking to them like that is WILD to me...

"he pats her as if he's comforting her" I am going to run spar a nice hot bath with lavender Epsom salt and fucking bolt him down into it will this man let himself be comforted ONCE?

"the more important thing is that they're here now and I can't keep everyone safe." D:

Spar? Asking for help? Of course not, unheard of.

Bestie those are elven war vets who killed a puppet-master-(functionally)demigod PLEASE let someone help you.

Musician...musicia—DIAMOND. FUCK.

Also NOBODY made diamond a scapegoat in ANYTHING I love them (sincerely) but they are so annoying (derogatory)

RESIST DIAMONDS MIND CONTROL?

YEAH!!! YEAH I WOULD NOT LIKE THAT JOKER FLY CAUSE FUCK.

So diamond had contact with Grey....and wait grey was coming to sindershore? I'm wondering if diamond can mind control on the phone

HEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHE vellum said fuck

(not that he hasn't before? I havemt kaot track. But that was a DAMN well delivered line)

"OHHH! YOUR SPARKLINESS" FUEKGSKDGD

"looks like you've collected more of them!"

"which means over been watching them EXTREMELY carefully!"

Ipswitch is annoying in the best way. Ipswitch is annoying like I hope they never stop talking I have my chin in my hands, tell me all about how deductibles are a metaphor for justice.

Diamond is annoying like when I even hear the name I'm like "oh this bitch again"

WHY DID THEY CALL QC A MINION? MOTHERFUCKER—

""""""""the other one""""""""

"JEALOUS"

"it's seems that you (pointing at vellum) have joined the list of my suitors" hhhh diamond is sooooo lucky to not be real because if we existed on the same physical plane I would be stepping on the back of their heels when they walk at every opportunity. I would mix toner into their hair mousse. I would straighten the backs of all their hanging earrings and bend the backs of all their studs. I would put olive oil in a spray bottle and go ham on their closet.

"I'm being cute" that's a word for it.

BITCH "WHY?" AFTER YOU WERE FOUND WITH THE FUCK WERELION DRUGS THE PERSON YOU INVITES WENT ALL WERELION AND THEN YOU JIST FUCKING LEFT WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING AND DIDNT UPDATE THE PROGRAMME ABOUT YOUR ABSENCE YOU HAVE GOOOOOT FO SEE HOW THAT IS SUSPICIOUS "WHY" MY ASS. """""WHY""""".

bitchass motherfucker. God.

AND OH YEAH YOUR PROBABLY MIND CONTROLLED KURT

"how is sekitan? :)" I don't trust that question at all.

"I didn't want them to be a fatality in all this" HHHHHHHHHRRNGHHH (wrathful)

[Kurt? May be green-skinned]

I loved this episode so much there are so many feelings in my heart. I was affectionately exasperated with spar, and then diamond came in and I was just exasperated. But ipswitch, Anya and Vellum are balancing it out for me. And also the scene between Spar and auntsssss that. That was so. SO. WAH. —AND END NOTES LUNA AND HILDE WERE GOING TO THE COUPLES DANCE THAT'S SOOO CUUUUTE!!!!

And ohhhhh diamond from from the plot card!! Huh!! They wove into the story so well I assumed they were, like, in the premise of the show!

But anyways I'm still bonking spar over the head with a wrapping paper roll and yelling "YOU. MUST. TRUST. YOUR. PEERS. TO-BE-STRONG-ENOUGH. TO CARRY. THE BURDEN. THAT IS. YOUR HEART. BECAUSE-THEY-CANT. KNOW YOU. WITHOUT. THAT. TRUST. SO. HELP. ME. GOD!!!!!!!!"

@threeheartscast

[becomingkatie]

My mobile app isn't letting me create posts (?) so I've been quiet on here. But now I'm at my computer and procrastinating the next to-dos, so here's a quick check-in!

The new job has begun! I was in San Diego last week for the first week and that was nice, although I really leaned into my depression tendencies of eating a lot of junk food and sleeping a lot. Still, the actual time in the office was really nice, and I saw a couple fighter jets while driving which will never not be super cool.

Now I'm back in the office where I'll be for my whole career here. I haven't put email or zoom on my phone and I don't know if I will. The separation is nice. I should make the request for VPN access though, because I'm sure there will be a time when I want/need to work from home.

Ken and I took the bus to work today! It picks us up about a block from home and drops us off at a metro station that is about a ~10ish minute walk to the office. I'm reading Fourth Wing and am soooo close to the end, so I was reading on the bus but then got the sense that the moment in the finale where there's a major loss/tragedy is about to happen. Instead of risking crying over this book on the bus, I closed it and enjoyed the rest of the ride.

I'm hosting a write-in at a local library tonight, and I should have checked the bus schedule before picking today to be the first time Ken and I take the bus, because we got in a little later than planned (will catch the earlier bus next time) and I need to leave early in order to get home in time to drive to the library. Poor planning, but now I am familiar with the bus and it's a viable option for getting to and from work now!

I just found out a friend of mine is pregnant! Every so often I get a wave of "I was wrong to think I don't want kids. I MUST have kids or I won't be complete." But then a week later I'm back to "I think I'd be a good mom and would enjoy motherhood, but I don't NEED that or even know if I really want that." And with Ken already in his early 40s, we don't exactly have time for me to be like "do I or don't I?" Hearing that this friend is pregnant just made me feel frustrated again that I don't have a clear answer. She's known with certainty that she wanted kids for ages, and I have other friends who know with certainty they don't want them.

Okay, time to get down to business because my to-do list is long and it's a busy day ahead.

[babydinojojo]

Day 3/ Entry 3

Okay... maybe I've gotten way too mad at myself last night. I can't really sleep right now so i guess Imma write in here for a bit and then i'm gonna go back to sleep.

Okay forget what i said about the google doc, I will try my absolute best to remember to tell her shit alright, she still loves you Jordan you just need to let go sometimes yk. Okay anyway the Class 700 came out for Train Sim World 3 today so Im gonna be checking that out today. I wonder what skin i should Make for minecraft cause i need something completely original and no i don't wanna use AI cause that's gonna be the death of us Istfg, I don't know it's just i get a mega bad feeling even when i see AI chatbots and shit like they just make me scared for some reason and the fact that its ramping up faster and faster everyday makes me worry about the future... I DON'T WANNA DIE BY A ROBOT, I JUST WANNA LIVE A FULL LIFE AND SEE MY GF KRISY AND HAVE A LIFE WITH HER, NOT JUST DIE BY SOME DAMN ROBOT. Anyway tho I have an off day today surprsingly oh wait i forgot that i didnt have work today and i thought i overslept ;-; bruh, I keep forgetting shit. Which brings me to my next topic

I think i finally might know why i keep forgetting things, I just got way too much going on in the background to remember, I have a short attention span so it's probably because work is making me do more and more shit. Except the past two work days, where we did ABSOLUTELY nothing after my lunch break. That's time where I could have been texting Krisy and spending time with her, but its whatever tho. Oh yea funny story tho from Yesterday lol, Soooo i was on an R62A 6 Train right, and i was riding the City Hall Loop and everything went all and according to plan until we skipped the Fucking Uptown Platform, it went non-stop and i was lowkey panicking cause yea i thought i was on an Out of Service dehead, thankfully we stopped at Canal street, Yea im not gonna be doing the loop after that, speaking of the 6 Train, them R62As are extremely underrated as fuck, for trains that started on the 6 as Single units and then ended up on the 7 and then came back in 2015-2016, they are pretty fast and underrated for a local train.

While we are on the topic of my gf, I think i found some places I would like to show her around

-Brooklyn Bridge Park/Pier

-Barnes and Nobles in Downtown Brooklyn

-Ride around the City Hall Loop and show her the Abandoned City Hall Station which looks absolutely amazing to this day

-Dave and Busters TSQ/Gateway Mall

-Queens Center Mall

Okay yea that's a good list and a good start

Speaking of last night, like I said before i got way WAY too mad at myself last night. Damn.. I never realized how hard I am on myself especially for her. Okay I realize that i need to sometimes let things go, I can't be to hard on myself cause thats gonna end up destroying my confidence and make me start self harming, hasnt happened yet but still, i just gotta breath and chill the fuck out.

On a side note tho, im not sure why but for some reason i have a massive pet peeve when someone uses "Ok" or "K" or "Mk" instead of just saying "Okay" or "Alright. I don't know its just "Ok" or "K" Just seem way more cold and distant, and no in my opinion are not the goddamn same as "Okay"/"Alr"/"Kay"/"M'kay" Its just fucking not the same, like bro next person who "Ok" or "K" me im gonna end up getting pissed at them. Okay fine i'll admit i had way too many people, and no before you ask Krisy is not apart of those people, but still too many people try to pull that dry shit and it always send the goddamn wrong message cause i end up thinking something is the goddamn matter with them, like i said "Ok" and "K" are NOT the same as "Okay" and "Kay" or "Alright"/"Alr"

Well that's all i got for now, lets see where the day takes us shall we

[lone-wolf-no-more]

I Didn't Come this Far Just to Die!

Thursday, February 16th, 2023

Waves. That’s what I’m experiencing right now. Waves of “maybe” glimpses of hope, waves of anxiety, waves of sleeplessness, waves of heart palpitations.

I just read a chapter of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea in which one of the main characters is soooo close to attempting an escape from the Nautilus. And then, right before the attempt, the Nautilus dives to the bottom of the ocean.

Ned Land, who was to lead the attempted escape, curses at the sky vehemently, of course.

That’s how I feel right now. I’m trying to fight back the feelings of having the weight of the world on my shoulders, of feeling like I can escape this seemingly inescapable situation I’m in right now.

I spent a good deal of today just sleeping and reading.

I woke up too many times last night to feel anything close to rested today.

But I am glad that I took time away from the computer, all the same. I even mustered up the strength to walk down the road and sit on a bench by the lake. I was glad to have finally left the house for once, but the overcast skies still reflected my inner state all too well.

This isn’t just about me. This about my sibling. This is about what’s going to happen to ALL of us in the next six months to a year. Those who try to claim we’re “in an age of prosperity” are delusional. The Fed and the government in their handling of “the illness” have majorly tanked our economy, inflated the dollar, screwed up supply chains, and just basically done all they can to destabilize everything. The price of fuel going down? What fuel? That’s from our fastly diminishing reserves. Joblessness at all-time low? It’s a bubble. Look at layoffs.fyi (site). So many companies are laying off for good reason. They know what’s coming. Soon, even those who finally woke up and realized that “stimulus checks” (hello sky rocking inflation and backdoor Socialism) aren’t going to save them won’t have jobs to go to. Credit debt is at an all-time high, and delinquent mortgages are even worse than in the housing crash of 2008.

So, understandably, I don’t want to waste any more time! Again, this isn’t just about saving myself, or even just my family. We NEED to be creating more jobs. That is part of addressing the homelessness. People can’t find stability if they don’t have an income. And don’t I know it!

I’m still going to go down fighting, either way. Figuratively, of course. With only a week left till that impending date, I still don’t really know the way forward, and I’m not going to waste my time or yours trying to list what I’m doing in an attempt to avert it.

But I am trying. This may end with me on the street, or in jail, or maybe the hospital. But I can’t just lay down and do nothing.

I apologize for the seemingly pessimistic outlook of this post. This is just me being blunt, being honest. If anything, my lesson to you is, DON’T burn down bridges recklessly, come to compromises with those around you if you have to, and don’t stop fighting until you basically are about to drop dead.

I think that the reason that the opening scene of The Last of Us hits me every single time is because the concept of having your entire world altered, of having all you've known and loved suddenly taken away from you hits home for me very hard. And now...even more so. These stories are far more than just stories to me, all the more. Down to the detail of having somebody you care about being part of your driving force to stay alive and press onwards.

This music^ = the state of my heart right now.

[jmluvclub]

the performance [pjm] teaser

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synopsis | your objectively globally known boyfriend and his band are nominated for the grammy’s again, but aren’t able to win. robbed for the third year in the row, the boys are left disappointed and angry, especially park jimin

notes | lower case intended ^^ hi guys soooo; i was actually inspired by an nsfw vid on twit for this piece ;-; LMAO. i’ll link the vid below, but typically nsfw posts on twitter get reported or taken down- so i can’t guarantee the link will work T_T i don’t know how much i’ll end up updating my profile because of college apps and semesters finals.. but i’ll try my hardest lol

! tag list; open ] cmt to be added ^^

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*flashback*

"baby you look great, yeah?" you said softly from behind jimin as you clung onto his left shoulder. he was facing the mirror, adjusting his collar and grooming his slicked back hair. dressed in black slacks and a matching satin dress shirt, he looked good as fuck. the urge to fuck him right then and there was so real, but you promised to keep your hands to yourselves.

the two of you were staying in your own hotel room for the weekend, leaving the rest of the band down the hallway. the group had made up their mind that they were going to be awarded for sure. they had held the top charts for months, sales included.

although the numbers looked positively promising, jimin knew their luck. this was nothing new to him, he knew the schedule. the band would be nominated, as always: by numbers or fans. no matter the chart difference, they were always second to the western artists.

yea, it was a grueling process to even get on the charts- they should be grateful for that. but when you’re robbed of your dreams for years in a row, your anger begins to surge.

jimin had kept his suspicion unbeknownst to his brothers, not wanting to ruin their unspoken hopes. you on the other hand, could sense his anxiety through his shoulders. as you clung onto him, the knots weighing him down only made your anticipations worsen.

you wanted the group to win, obviously. they were talented multi billionaires and deserved all the love and appreciation they could get. but you could sense this year would be yet another drag, which made you sick. you hated seeing the band left disappointed, specifically jimin. he always found something about himself to pick on, and you knew this would be one of his worst.

"sit with me.. please?” you suggested, patting the cushion beside you.

the hotel room was a single, containing a bathroom and a king sized bed ;). there was a body length sized mirror facing the couch, where you resided.

jimin gave one last look at himself before turning around and giving you a shy smile, slowly walking over before collapsing beside you. his legs barely reached the end of the couch where his feet dangled nervously in chelsea boots (obviously). he tried his best to keep his head off your lap, not wanting to ruin the freshly done style, but ultimately failed when you started to rub his neck softly.

“mm that feels good” jimin hummed in response, slowly closing his eyes. you smiled at the sight, seeing himself in a state of solitude for the time being.

you tried your best to soothe his senses, wanting to keep this subtle state for as long as possible. knowing all his sweet spots, you continued working into his tendons before his assistant knocked at the door.

his head lifted up, checking his wrist- resulting in a sigh. with his back to you, his left hand reached for your closest thigh and gently rubbed the material. your hand found his, giving it a few squeezes before you reached forward and gave him a small embrace.

“i’ll see you soon love” you whispered as you planted kisses on the back of his neck. “no matter what happens, i’ll be here waiting for you.”

jimin turned around to face you with an expression you couldn’t read as he nodded. slowly standing up to adjust his pants and collar, he turned for the door.

“i love you y/n.”

“love you too.”

———————————————————————————————

ok slay hi LMFAO this is just a teaser obvi. i feel like i gotta put this out there and possibly get some feedback before i continue writing idkkk i have so many ideas >.> if u cant tell, i’m new to tumblr !! i would appreciate any tips/recs on anything tbh, so lmk how this is for uu

! tag list; open ]

[nightowlfandom]

Billy Loomis- Bloody Princess

WHY HELLO THERE!!

sooo ANON ASKS

NSFW

Billy Loomis/Reader at a costume party

Numbers: 1, 3, 4,5, and 11. Could I also add 57?

Please and Thank you.

...

1- Look at me when I fuck you!

3- I said FUCKING BEG!

7- You like when I choke you don’t you?

11- Oh god, Y/N…Those sounds you make are so fucking hot

57- Fuck! You’re mine. You’re fucking mine and I’m fucking yours

(I don’t know for sure if you were the same anon that said “Where’s my scream request, dumb bitch” or something along those lines…I’m just gonna hope you weren’t. Cuz I know that you’re probably a nice person who wouldn’t hurt feelings and I’m pretty sure I recognize your request from the list of ones I lost last month….soooo yeah)

CHECK OUT MY MASTERLIST HERE!!

X RATED PROMPT LIST| NON X RATED PROMPT LIST

LEGGO!

...

“REALLY STU??!!” You screamed from the other side of the door. “This is the LAST TIME I PUT YOU IN CHARGE OF MY COSTUME!”

“Aw come on Y/N! You look so cute though!” 

“BABIES ARE CUTE, ANIMALS ARE CUTE, THIS? THIS IS A FUCKING TRAINWRECK.” you yelled.

You were currently locked in the bedroom of your best guy friend’s parent’s mansion, cursing him for putting you in such a horrible monstrosity. “I SAID I LIKED THE MOVIE, NOT THAT I WANTED TO LOOK LIKE THE BITCH FROM IT!”

“THAT ANGEL COSTUME WAS EXPENSIVE!”

“IT’S A WHITE DRESS WITH A STUPID HEADBAND ON IT!”

“GET THE FUCK OUT HERE.”

You yelled loudly with an annoyed growl as you threw the door open. Stu stood there with a smug grin on his face. 

“Good morrow,princess!”

“STU I WILL KILL YOU!”

“Y/N, Come on! You look great!” 

You dawned an angel costume. The one Juliet wore during that party in Romeo and Juliet...the one with Leonardo DiCaprio. You told Stu he could choose your costume as long as it didn’t look like anything he would fantasize about at night.

You didn’t think this would be what ran through his head.

You crossed your arms over your chest, glaring potholes into the floor as Stu laughed at you. “Well if you’re done bitching and whining, I have a party to host.” he slipped on his pimp robe and strode out. “You’d better be downstairs in the next 5 minutes.”

You sighed as you sat down on the bed. You didn’t know what to do. You felt like a moron. You looked up at the mirror, glaring at those stupid angel wings on your back. 

“Let’s get this over with.” you seethed, standing to your feet. You peeked your head around the corner of the door. You felt very vulnerable all of a sudden and you didn’t like it one bit.

You creeped down the corridors. You stood right by the corner before the grand staircase.

Everyone looked so good but it had you thinking…who the fuck held a costume part in January…probably someone who was too lazy and dumb to actually hold it in October…Y’know when it was supposed to be held? (.....Fuck off) You couldn’t help but peek around the corner, everyone was dancing and drinking. Of course Stu and his loud ass pimp robe was the focal point of the party.

Before  you could walk out, Randy practically appeared out of nowhere…dressed like a royal fool.

No seriously, he was dressed like a fool. The hat with the bells, curvy shoes and striped tights.

“Why hello there Princess!” 

“Hi Randy, Umm I’m trying to hide so could you- Maybe keep it down?” you smiled shyly. “I’m hiding.”

“Buy my fairy lady! Aren’t thou lookith for a date tonight?” He smiled creepily, stepping towards you.

“Ummmm Randy. You are leeeeettlle bit too close.” you tried to laugh it off, but it was no doubt you were getting looks. 

You backed away so much that you hadn’t realized you were standing at the top of the staircase, where everyone could see you…and Randy. 

You were praying that something, ANYTHING, could save you.

You were suddenly blinded by a huge spotlight. Which made whoever hadn’t been looking already gaze up at you. You had to squint so hard you could barely see who was walking up the stairs. 

“Randy, go freak out some other girl.”

Your eyes finally adjusted and revealed that it had been Billy Loomis walking towards you two. He was dressed like…a knight. It was funny because he looked just like…Romeo. From…the movie.

“Fucking Stu.” you griped.

“What?” Randy looked at you like you had gone crazy.

“So the idiot stuck you in a costume you hate too huh?” Billy smirked. “Well I’ll give him credit…you look amazing Y/N.”

“Hehehehe Me? Really? You snorted. “I mean Um…you clean up well too.”

Nevermind that he was the spitting image of Romeo during the costume party. He always looked good to you. (Read more below the cut)

“OUR GUEST OF HONORS HAVE ARRIVED. JULIET AND HER ROMEO!!” Stu belted. You didn’t even know how he got hold of a bullhorn and you didn’t want to know. The entire party had erupted into applause. Obviously this was a setup, but why.

“Well I feel awkward now...” Randy groaned.

“If you’re interested, I heard Sidney is dressed like red riding hood.” You pat Randy’s shoulder. “And she’s been talking about wanting to ask you to the party too.”

“Well…I should practice my wolf howl…AWOOOOO!! Good looking out Y/N!” he gave you a short hug before jogging down the stairs.

You were left alone with Billy, who hadn’t stopped staring at you.

“I’m gonna kill Stu.” you sighed.

“Not if I get to him first.” he scoffed. You weren’t sure if he was kidding or not. “I told him I didn’t want to wear this dumb thing.”

“So did I.” you giggled. “I look ridiculous with these dollar store wings too small for any actual angel to fly.” you scoffed. “I didn’t even want to come tonight.”

“Well if you want to bail, why don’t you hang out with me?” he raised an eyebrow. “Use one of these abandoned rooms that Stu’s idiot parents aren’t using and hide out until the commotion is over. Maybe sneak outside”

You hummed thoughtfully and let the choices run through your head. You could either sit here, have to listen to a bunch of stupid Romeo and Juliet jokes…or spend a couple hours in complete peace and quiet. Decisions, De-fucking-cisions.

“Lead the way!” you finally spoke your thoughts.

Billy didn’t hesitate to grab your hand and head you down the hallways despite Stu screaming at you two, demanding to know where the hell you were going.

“He’s gonna be so pissed.” you giggled as you began running. Stu had begun to barge through the crowd, screaming profanities at you both.

“YOU TWO GET BACK HERE!”

“FUCK YOU DUDE!” Billy yelled back in reply. “Come on, we can avoid him if we cut through this hallway.”

…

You both had eventually wandered outside. (You guys who’ve seen Romeo and Juliet….you know where this is going)

“Stu is the only guy I know who has three pools within the same vicinity.” You walked behind a very large tree that cut off your view of the house. “I hate rich people.”

“So do I, but…Stu’s cool.” Billy followed you, brushing his fingers against several vines that hung off the branches. 

“When he isn’t a fucking creep.” You shook your head, sitting on a bench. “So…what do you wanna talk about?”

“Anything…”

And so for hours on top of hours. You and Billy sat there, talking about absolutely nothing. You almost didn’t notice the lights turning off.

“OKAY ASSHOLES, THE PARTIES OVER…YOU CAN COME OUT OF HIDING NOW! THE MAIDS PREPARED A ROOM FOR YOU TO SLEEP IN IF YOU WANT-”

“I swear I’m gonna shove that bullhorn right up his-” you began to gripe, standing to your feet. “I’m gonna strangle him with his own-”

“Y/N, Watch out!!” 

You hadn’t missed the stray beercan that had made its way out to you, it was frozen solid and practically stuck to the ground. So it was no surprise that it made you trip over your own two feet. 

“AACK-” you missed your footing, causing you to lose your balance. Billy tried to rush over and wrap his arms around you, only to lose his balance too when your weight caught him off guard.

“SHIT!” he grunted.

The splash of you two hitting the cold water was so huge that Stu could probably hear it from inside if his drunk ass wasn’t already passed out.

“...I probably deserved that.” you seethed as you surfaced. “I’m sorry.” you eyed a very unamused. “Hope your costume won’t get rusty.” 

“It’s fake chainmail. I wasn’t gonna waste actual important money on a stupid costume.” he shook his head. “Plus you didn’t make me do anything...so there’s no need to apologize.”

“But I-”

“Shush…” he whispered. “You think I woulda risked trying to save anybody from falling into a piss cold pool?”

“Ummm…Is the answer no?” You said quietly, noticing just how close Billy had gotten to you. “I’m gonna say no.”

“Good girl…” he rested his hands against the edge of the pool, trapping you against himself and the pool wall. “Now that we’re actually alone, without any noise…I can actually do this.” he neared his face closer to yours. He neared so close that your noses were touching. You could see the water drops run down his face. 

You instantly forgot how freezing the water was because your entire body was heating up violently. “B-billy I-”

Before you could say another word,Billy had suddenly kissed you. He moved his dripping wet hair from your face as his kiss grew more and more intense. This moment reminded you heavily of something, you just couldn’t figure it out. It would probably come to you soon.

You could feel his scorching hot hands travel under your dress under the water. He held your body flush against his.

“Oh Y/N…the sounds you make are so fucking hot.” he groaned through kisses. “I want more.”

“Not that I’m saying no,but are we really gonna do this in Stu’s pool of all places? I mean what if we get cau-..haaaa~” you stopped yourself from talking as Billy left a trail of kisses down your jawline. He moved your sleeve out the way to kiss your shoulder then back up again.

“Better than inside with a bunch of trash and passed out drunk idiots,” he replied. “Besides I heard pool sex is pretty hot.”

“Okay you were cuter when you said fewer words.” you pouted.

“Oh I see… actions speak louder huh? Like this?” he crashed his lips over yours again,this time allowing his tongue to slide through the small space and tease yours. “You’re shivering Y/N, is that from the cold or because of me?”

“Ummm~ Maybe a teeny bit of both. The cold is starting to set in.” you confessed.

“Well, let’s take this somewhere more…not out here.” he frowned at his own stupid joke. “No, I can do better than that. Umm…Let's take this somewhere less…Wet? No!” he snapped. “Damnit I can’t be cool around you and it’s not fair.”

You began to laugh, covering your mouth to stop from being too loud. You thought it was cute.

“I have a mind to punish you for laughing at me…come here.”

…

You hit the bed with a thud. Out of the many rooms in Stu’s house, you had opted for the room you had gotten ready in. Since A. it was farthest away from where Stu slepts (meaning he couldn’t spy like the creep he was sometimes) and B…it had the best insulation when it came to the space heater, meaning you warmed up pretty fast.

Billy yanked his costume shirt over his head and threw it behind him, letting it plop on the floor. He reached down and yanked those stupid card board wings off your back, throwing them behind him ass well.

You almost thanked him had he not covered your lips again.

“Fuck Y/N…You’re mine.” His voice almost sounded like a whimper. “You’re mine and I’m fucking yours.” he hissed. “Lean up so I can reach your zipper.”

You did as he said and sat up slightly, only to hear a very audible ‘fabric rippy’ sound.

“I thought you said you were gonna get my zipper!”

“Sorry, I got impatient.” he smirked, ripping your skirt right up the leg. “Aren’t I the worst.” he bit his lip, holding back a laugh. “Get that out the way” he tore off a large piece of fabric. “Get that out the way-” he smirked. 

He kept going until all that was left was quite literally your undergarments.

“I just hope my other clothes are still here or this will be a huge problem.”

“Like that’d be a bad thing?” he laughed. “Enough talking.” he pinned your wrists above your head. You felt his bulge up against you, his lips against your shoulder. You felt his hand slightly tighten the base of your throat. 

Billy stared down at you. His serial killer instinct told him how little and innocent you looked. How he could snap your neck in seconds if he wanted to. But pair that with his love for you, it looks so cute. You trusted him, his hands. The same hands that strangled his enemies.

“You like when I choke you don’t you?” he whispered, running his thumb along your collarbones then back up again. In a way, it was him showing his affections that wasn’t in the form of ripping out his own heart (literally) and offering it to you with his last dying breath. “Y/N.” he shuddered. He crashed his lips over yours again. Now, he wasn’t about this overly romanticized bullshit. He wasn’t a casanova and he sure as hell wasn’t a Romeo either. He just wasn’t, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t show you how much he cared about you in his own fuck up way. “I’m going to mess you up.” he trailed his fingers down your stomach, hooking around the waistband of your panties. He gently yanked them down.

Among the low hum of the air condition and the rustling of satin bed sheets, Billy groaned softly against your lips. He didn’t expect you to start palming him over his pants, but it was a welcomed gesture nonetheless. You felt his fingertips ghost over your clit. His lips moved feverishly against yours as he applied just as much pressure as you were to him. He felt his hand become hot with your wetness and you had unbuttoned his pants in an effort to free him of his restraints.

Why on Earth was this the hottest thing he had ever done with anyone? More over, why hadn’t he pursued you earlier. Nevermind that he had nearly caught you as Ghostface on one occasion. 

“Do you want my fingers so deep inside of you?” he sighed. “You want me to warm you up real nice, don’t you?” he cooed. “Look at me and beg. Look at me and beg me to fuck you. ” he kept rubbing your clit with one hand, while digging his nails into your thighs with the other. “Beg with those eyes, I said fucking beg!” he snarled, thrusting his hips into your hand. 

He was practically leaking already, making a mess. He was groaning so loud he had to pray Stu or some maid wasn’t spying outside the damn door. You bucked your hip against his slow fingers, silently urging him to not stop what he was doing. This was motivation enough.

He slowly inched his fingers inside, moving in complete sync with you. You felt your blood run hot. To say you were more than warmed up was an understatement. 

“That’s right. Moan for me.” Billy whispered into your ear. “Stroke my cock while I fuck you with my fingers.” he growled. “Then we’ll see how far this gets.”

(You guys...I’m so tired...I need a hug or something. It’s only January and I feel like my year has been a downward spiral. I’m just like so done with life right now it isn’t even funny...but I’m a bad bitch...and bad bitches needa do what bad bitches do.)

[drabbles-mc]

Safe & Sound

Bishop Losa x F!Reader

Request by @frattsparty​​, @garbinge​​, and Anon: #11 with Bishop: “I almost lost you” kiss (Prompt from This List)

Warnings: language, angst (with a happy ending), hospitals, mentions of injuries, mentions of car accidents

Word Count: 1.8k

A/N: All three of you sent in this request and that fact alone made my heart soooo happy haha. Hope you guys enjoy it!!

Join my group-chat here: (X) ​

Bishop Losa Taglist: @masterlistforimagines @sincerelyasomebody @sadeyesgf @thesandbeneathmytoes @tomhardydallasstarsgirl @multiyfandomgirl40 @sillygoose6969 @queenbeered @louisianalady @gemini0410 @paintballkid711 @chibsytelford @yourwonkywriter @sesamepancakes @arveeee @mayans-sauce @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead​ @plentyoffandoms @georgiaaintnopeach @twistnet​ @themoonandthewicked​ @bucky-iss-bae​ @encounterthepast​ @everyhowlmarksthedead​ @rosieposie0624​ @mylittlelonelyappreciationtoo​ @mijop​ @xladymacbethx​ @blessedboo​ @holl2712​ @lakamaa12​ @kkim120​ @toni9​ @shadow-of-wonder​ @crowfootwrites​ @redpoodlern​ @punkgoddess-98​ @black-repunzel99​ (If you want to be added to any of my taglists just let me know!)

Bishop has experienced more than his fair share of loss in his lifetime. Every kind of loss you could go through, he’s been there already. He’s lost relationships of every kind, he’s lost friends and family to the inescapable grip of death. From the military to the MC, the numbers had grown too high to count. Somewhere along the way he started to push it all down, become hardened to it. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have been able to function at all. He truly believed that he had hardened past the point of no return, become too jaded for any loss to hit home anymore.

Until Hank walked into Templo one night looking like he’d seen a ghost.

“Bishop…” his voice was timid, which wasn’t at all like him.

“What?” Bishop had been so in his own head, too busy stressing over the MC falling apart to even notice Hank walk in.

“Y-you gotta get to the hospital,” he forced out.

Bishop’s brows furrowed, unsure why he was being so vague, “Why?”

“It’s Y/N.”

He shot up out of his seat, “What the fuck happened?”

Fear was written plain as day on Hank’s face, “I-I don’t know. They wouldn’t tell me—I’m not family.”

“Fuck!” he slammed his fist down on the table before racing out of Templo.

His rage was written all over his face—unable to show genuine fear he leapt right to anger. He didn’t know what happened but the reality of it was that it didn’t matter. You were laid up in a hospital somewhere and someone was going to have to pay for it. Everyone who was in the clubhouse saw the tension in his features and stayed well out of his way as he quickly strode towards the door. Angel got halfway through asking what was wrong before he realized that Bishop wasn’t going to offer a word to anyone, his only concern being getting to you.

He tore down the streets of Santo Padre on his bike. By some minor miracle, he got to the hospital safely and didn’t need to be laid up in the room next door to yours. He gripped his helmet tight in his hand as he stormed in, Hank hot on his heels after somehow managing to keep up with him on the wild ride over.

After a very disjointed talk with one of the nurses, who was clearly intimidated by everything about Bishop at the moment, he was finally being led back to see you. Hank offered to go back with him but Bishop waved him off, saying that he was fine.

“Really, Bishop, I don’t know if you should be—”

“I said I’ll be fucking fine, Hank,” he snapped.

Hank backpedaled, taking a deep breath before finding a seat off to the side in the waiting area. He didn’t know what Bishop was about to be walking into—neither of them really did. The last thing he was going to do was leave him there alone. Even if he was acting like a dick at the moment.

The nurse walked him to the doorway, hanging back as he walked into the room. The rage he’d been holding onto began to wear away as he looked at you, his fear and sadness taking over. He set his helmet on one of the chairs as he slowly approached your bed. One hand came up to cover his mouth as tears gathered in his eyes. Once he reached your bedside, the nurse took that as her cue to step away, giving Bishop a moment to process all that was laid out in front of him.

You looked peaceful. There were a few cuts on your face, and your right arm was strapped up in a sling, but the expression on your face was almost one of contentment. For some reason that made his heart break even more. A choked sob slipped past his lips as he reached forward and gently caressed your cheek, as if to make sure that you were really there and really okay. He studied the steady rise and fall of your chest in a desperate attempt to try and calm himself.

“Fucking drunk drivers,” he muttered under his breath as he tried to keep his emotions in check.

He pulled a chair as close to your hospital bed as he could manage, not wanting to climb up next to you and risk hurting you further. The nurse reassured him that you would be alright, you just needed whatever rest you would be able to get, but he wasn’t going to believe that until you woke up and spoke to him. They might’ve seen you conscious and speaking but until he saw it for himself none of that mattered. He slid his hand into your own, letting out a deep, strangled sigh as he tried not to break down.

Minutes ticked by in hospital silence, meaning the only noise came from the monitors at your bedside, and the occasional sound of loud footsteps from outside the door of your room. Bishop didn’t move a muscle, unable to do anything besides stare at you and trace his fingers over the knuckles of your good hand.

You let out a quiet groan as you started to wake up. His eyes widened, his grip on your hand tightening ever so slightly in anticipation. You fought to open your eyes, exhaustion still weighing heavily on you. your eyes slowly started to flutter open and you began to register what was happening around you—you felt the warmth of Bishop’s hand clasping yours and you could hear the hitch in his breathing.

“Obispo?” your voice was raspy with sleep, and residual pain from everything you’d been through.

He let out a sob that turned into a laugh of relief, “Querida,” he lifted the back of your hand to his lips, kissing it lightly as he mumbled his words against your skin, “Fuck, it’s so good to hear your voice.”

“Baby?” you said quietly as you tilted your head slightly to get a better look at him.

He lifted his head, “Yea?”

“Come here,” you took your hand out of his and motioned for him to join you on the bed.

“I don’t wanna hurt—”

“I’ll be fine,” you reassured, scooting over to make room for him to join you, your movements slow and rigid as you tried to maneuver without causing yourself more pain.

Bishop carefully settled onto the bed next to you, letting out a deep sigh of relief as he let you lean comfortably against him. He felt your body heat seeping over into him and he couldn’t deny that it was the best thing that he’d felt in a long time, the strongest type of reassurance.

“I love you,” he said quietly, resting his forehead against the side of your head.

“I love you too,” you reached over with your good hand and gently trailed your fingers down the side of his face.

“Hey, sweetheart?” his voice was just above a whisper.

You turned your head to meet his gaze, “Hm?”

He cupped one side of your face in his hand, carefully tracing his thumb along your cheek, sure to avoid glossing over any of the fresh scrapes. His eyes were glassy with tears as he looked at you, and you found yourself with a small, soft smile on your face. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d ever seen Bishop look so vulnerable.

You opened your mouth to say something but before you could get the first syllable out, he leaned in and pressed his lips to yours, the rough pads of his fingers moving so lightly along your cheek and down to your neck and shoulder. You leaned into him as much as you could without hurting yourself, wishing that you could melt completely into the feeling that you were experiencing with him as the two of you laid together, lips locked. You trailed your fingers through his beard as his lips moved in sync with yours. The slight tension in his body let you know that he was fighting hard against the urge to hold you tight and pull you as close as humanly possible. He was doing everything that he could to make one kiss communicate everything that he wasn’t able to show you otherwise.

When he pulled himself away from you, allowing you to catch your breath, you felt the rigidity in his body start to give way. His forehead rested against yours as he shut his eyes tight, trying to focus on the fact that you were really there with him, that everything was going to be alright.

You knew that there were a million thoughts running through his head, that every person he’d ever lost was coming back to haunt him. You placed a light peck on his lips as you rested your hand on his chest, “We’re alright, Obispo.”

His breath came out shaky as he nodded, “We’re alright.”

There were a few beats of silence as the two of you laid together. Bishop’s eyes were closed as he tried to focus solely on the feel of your body leaning against his. You were fighting the urge to fall back to sleep again, wanting to soak up the small comfort of having him with you for the time being.

You saw someone appear in the doorway. Forcing your eyes to focus, you realized it was Hank. A small smile crossed your face as you nudged Bishop, who immediately opened his eyes and glanced over at the door.

“Oh,” Hank rested his hand on the back of his neck, clearly knowing that he was interrupting, “I was just checking…I just wanted to make sure…I’ll just…it looks like you’re all good here so…”

“We’re good,” you said quietly with a laugh, “Thank you, Hank.”

“Yea, of course,” he diverted his gaze to Bishop, “I’m gonna head back. If you need anything just, you know, call.”

He didn’t wait for a response before disappearing down the hall out of sight. You looked up at Bishop and you could see all the thoughts swirling around behind his eyes, “You owe him an apology of some kind, don’t you?”

He chuckled, lightly kissing your temple, “You sure you’re not concussed or something?”

“You better say sorry when you see him again, Obispo,” you looked up at him.

“Shh,” he smiled, kissing you on the lips, “go back to sleep.”

You couldn’t help but to laugh, “You’re lucky I’ve only got one good arm right now.”

“I’m lucky for that reason and so many more,” he rested his forehead against yours, weight settling back onto his shoulders as he thought about what the gravity of the situation could’ve been, “You’re the strongest fucking person that I know.”

You smiled, brushing your nose against his, “We’re okay, baby,” you reassured him, “We’re safe.”

“Yea,” he placed a tender kiss on your lips, “We’re safe.”

[boobz-fye]

Comforting them after losing a game

Includes: Oikawa Tooru, Ushijima Wakatoshi, Kageyama Tobio, and Keiji Akaashi x G/N reader.

Warnings: the boys doubting themselves and cursing(I think I only said one bad word in kageyamas but whatever)

Rant: Ok, I feel like this post is actual shit. Like I say that about almost all of my posts- but this one is very bad. The only good one is Ushijimas I think, so I hope I do all of the characters a little justice tho. Also sorry that I haven't been posting much (for like two weeks) I have been very busy, and been dealing with writer's block. I will try and post something else some time next week. Think it's gonna be fluff for MHA tho. Anyways, HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS!!!!!

Oikawa Tooru~

It all happened too fast. He could have sworn that they were just in the lead, ahead of Shiratorizawa by two points. He was so close to beating them. And now what is he going to say to you, or the team? He promised all of you that they will win this only to not fulfill it. Slowly dragging his feet out of the gym, Oikawa starts to feel tears building up in his vision. ‘No you can't cry right now.’ Oikawa thinks as he starts to pick up a pace. Maybe this is all just a bad dream and he will wake up soon.. Yeah that sounds right. He can wake up and have a fresh start of the day, win against Shiratorizawa, then celebrate with his team mates, and to top it all off go over your house and cuddle the whole night.  Oh how lovely that sounds, only if that wasn't another fantasy planted in his head.

Overwhelmed with emotions Oikawa finally comes out of the locker rooms, only to see you sitting on the floor. “What are you still doing here baby?” You look up to see Oikawa putting on a fake smile that makes your heart break. “Come here..” You say rising to a standing position, with your arms open and welcoming. Oikawa doesn't hesitate to wrap his arms around you, and be consumed by your warmth. “You did amazing out there handsome.” Those few words made Oikawa feel butterflies in his stomach. The only thing that could make him feel better were your praises. But he still couldn't help the small ache in his chest, remembering that he promised everyone that they would win this game and make it to nationals. “If I did good then why didn't we win?” He says with a slight crack in his voice, making an ache of your own spread through your chest. “Maybe it was just luck. You were only off by one point, plus if it makes you feel better you'll be able to beat their ass in spring!” A breathy chuckle escaped from Oikawa's mouth, causing a grin to form on your face. “You're right baby, we will beat them in spring.”

Ushijima Wakatoshi~

Ushijima wasn't used to losing. The reality didn't hit him until he heard the opposing teams audience cheer. Looking over to the scoreboard when he hears the whistle being blown, only to see that his team has lost. A bitter taste settles on Ushijima’s tongue. But he is once again pulled out of his thoughts by a hand resting on his shoulder. He turns around to see his team standing behind him with a look of true defeat. “C’mon Ushijima, we have to line up” Tendou says with a tone a little different from his usual cheery one. Not knowing what to say Ushijima just grunts with a small nod.

Walking outside of the gym Ushijima starts to replay the game in his head to try and see where they went wrong, but soon was interrupted by some arms wrapping around him from behind. “Hi bubs.” you say nuzzling your head into his back. “Hello Y/N.”  “Soooo…” you try to think of what to say that will make Ushijima feel better, but it's hard to do so when he can be very blunt at some points and not understand what you are trying to get at. “Yes?” Ushijima says tugging at the sleeve of your jacket to gain your attention back to him. “How are you feeling after the game?” There is a little moment of silence that comes over the two of you causing a slight panic cloud in your mind, because what if he took your question the wrong way- “I don’t know how to feel about losing, I'm upset because we put a lot of effort in that game just to lose. But they won fairly, so I guess that just shows that we weren't good enough.” Ushijima states bluntly. You're kind of taken back by his answer, but notice how his eyes show more emotion than his words. You could tell that he was more than just upset. “Don't say that Ushijima, you guys did amazing out there. You guys were only off by a couple points!” You say as you take Ushijima’s hand into your own. “But still we tried our best and it wasn't enough.” You felt his hands tremble a little in your touch, looking at him with a soft gaze you say “I'm sorry bub, you will get them next time though, I know you will because you are good enough.” Ushijima nods and mumbles a thank you, while gently squeezing your hand. It's times like this, when Ushijima shows you his vulnerable side, that you hold dear to your heart.

Kageyama Tobio~

Kageyama dreaded feeling the pain in his chest after losing a game. He would never get used to it, and doesn't really care enough too anyways. Maybe if he didn't send the ball to Hinata, knowing that the idiot will just close his eyes, then they could have won. But even then Oikawa’s tricky serves would still be a pain to work around. Not to mention how fast the whole team learns their opponents weaknesses. Kageyama had gotten so lost in his thoughts that he forgot he had to meet up with you at a cafe in 6 mins. Today seems to just get worse and worse by the second and he doesn't know if he will be able to keep himself together for much longer.

You hear the bell on the cafe door ring, causing you to turn around and see that all too familiar face. Kageyama walks over to you and takes his seat. Only when he finally looks up you notice that he is panting. “Did you run all the way here kags?” “Yeah, would have been late if I didn't.” Kageyama never liked being late to anything that has to do with you, it makes him feel guilty, and he doesn't want to add upsetting you to the list of shitty things that have happened today. “I'm ok with you being a little late baby, especially when you just got back from your game…” Kageyeama drops his gaze back down to the table remembering that was the first game you got to see him play in just for them to lose, how embarrassing- “Sorry, I didn't mean to bring it up.” you say rubbing the back of your neck. “It's ok….”  “Look at the menu and pick what you want, it's on me!” Kageyama shoots his head up and stares at you with wide eyes “Idiot im not letting you pay.” He mumbles while a blush spreads across his face. “Aww c'mon babe I can pay, let me get you some comfort food!” “Comfort food?” “Yeah food always helps me with stress” Before Kageyama could think over his next words, his mouth and brain betrayed him. “I think cuddles would make me feel better.” Both of you are taken back by his words, Kageyama was always so stubborn, forcing you to pick up hints from his behavior and piece them together to know what he wants. But you don't mind the forwardness; it helps you get straight to the point. Kageyama on the other hand is freaking out, he doesn't know if he was being too blunt or not, and your silence is not helping. “Never mind… forget what I said” “Whattttt, that sucks cause I was going to say yes but since you insist.” “Shut up, we can head over to mine after eating, the meal that I will be paying for, and cuddle. Now pick what you want already I don't have all day.” “Sir yes sir!” You say with a salute. “Dont do that you look dumb” Kageyama says, while trying to supress a grin. “You're so meannnnn” You whine with a pout. Even though Kageyama is teasing you the only thing you seem to be able to focus on is the way he starts to let loose and laugh around you. And when you look into his eyes all you see is love, not a trace of sorrow.

Akaashi Keiji~

It's only been a few minutes since the tragic game has ended and akaashi is already past the limit of stress he can handle. From the fact that they actually lost a game, while also trying to encourage the team and tell them that they will do better next time, and also trying to help bokuto get out of emo mode akaashi was starting to get a headache and wanted to just go home to sulk and attempt to relax. So once when he gets out of the shower akaashi throws on some clothes and runs out the locker room to the front gate. Not expecting you to be there waiting for him.

As Akaashi approaches the front gate he sees you standing there alone. “Y/N, what are you doing here? It's getting late.” “I know, I just wanted to check up on you” Akaashi looks into your worried eyes, causing him to feel a little guilt. Is he the cause of the expression on your face? “Oh well then can I walk you home?” You nod in approval, letting him take your hand and lead the way. A comfortable silence takes over the two of you, but you still can't help but feel like something is still off about Akaashi today, and none of his fake smiles and replies will put this thought at ease. “Hey Akaashi?” “Yes?” you stay silent for a little trying to think of the right words to say. “You know you guys did amazing at the game today right?” Akaashi hums in response, as the hold on your hand becomes a little shaky. “Good, because it's the truth. Just don't beat yourself up about it, you're great at what you do. Even though you guys didn't win I know you are still deserving of it. The only reason your opponents had a chance, was because of the chance balls. Plus you and your team have way more chemistry with each other then they did, it's almost like all of you can read each other's minds… Sorry I was rambling again.” Akaashi turns around and stares at you this time with a real smile on his face. “It's ok love, I think it's cute when you run your mouth. Now why don't we head over to your house instead? I want you to help me get rid of my stress, ok?” “And how can I help you with that?” Akkashi brings your hand towards his lips and gives it a quick kiss. “Cuddles of course, and let me eat whatever food you got in your house.” Akaashi says with a wink. On your way home you can't help but admire your caring boyfriend, always making time for you even when he's too emotionally and physically tired.