#feels like booting up animal crossing after months and finding roaches in your house

[clorofolle]

[purplesauris]

Housesitting For Your Best Friend 101

This is inspired by something that @witcher-and-his-bard and I were talking about late last night that has sprung from my brain with very little coaxing. 

Find it on AO3 here!

“You’re sure.” The question is phrased more as a statement, but Jaskier rolls his eyes all the same, grinning. “I can-”

“Geralt, dear, I may be a great many things, like dashingly handsome, a great lover, patron of the arts-” Jaskier stops when Geralt coughs into his fist, blue eyes narrowing until Geralt straightens up and quirks a brow as if to say what? “But if I cannot look after your apartment for a week, then consider my move back home to be raised further by my mother imminent.”  

Geralt doesn’t say anything for a long moment, amber eyes staring down the man in front of him. Jaskier to his credit, takes Geralt gently by the arm, and then with more strength than his frame might suggest, shoves Geralt toward the door and his waiting bags. “Go already, you brute, I’ll be fine.”

“Text me if you need me to come home.” He finally stoops to grab his bags, lingering by the door for a moment more before Jaskier pantomimes kicking him out and down the stairs. Once the door clicks shut Jaskier throws the bolt, turning with hands on his hips to survey the living room. He’s been here more times than he can say, but there’s something intimate about Geralt trusting him enough to ask him to watch his place. The old couch that he lugged up three flights of steps is still here, still fraying at the edge of the cushions and garish blue flowers finally fading. Jaskier had insisted they head to the nearest estate sale to find the beast after walking in to see the sad sight of Geralt’s living room with nothing more than a sagging armchair in front of the tv.

First order of business: check the list that he knows Geralt spent hours thinking over before finally writing it down. It takes a few minutes of searching, but he finally finds it stuck to the fridge with a horse head magnet. Weird.

water plants

care for roach

clean up after yourself

Well, this seems easy enough. Jaskier laughs at the third task, knowing what hell he’d get if this place was less than spotless upon Geralt’s return. It’s fifteen minutes later while he’s standing on the balcony staring at the plants and wondering how much each one gets, that he spies the little arrow wrapping around to the back of the paper. There, Geralt has written out exact instructions for all of his plants, with helpful notes on how much water they get, and which ones to bring inside at night. 

Roach is much easier; the brown tabby keeps to herself for the most part, and will let Jaskier know with a righteous fury if she needs something. Jaskier spends a good long while playing with her and brushing her fur before she runs off again, having had enough of his company for the time being. 

Jaskier is in the kitchen, debating whether he wants to order in or attempt to cook when his phone buzzes. It’s a vibration he would know in his sleep- Geralt had found some way to set a specific vibration, and Jaskier was too lazy to change it back. 

G: At the airport. Did you find the list?

Warmth blooms in his chest as he takes in the text. There’s nothing that should make him feel this way, but knowing that Geralt is still worrying is almost cute. Not that he would think of his best friend that way, of course. He shoots Geralt a picture of him posing next to the fridge with the list, tongue stuck out and number three carefully crossed off. Geralt’s reply is nothing more than a frowning face, which took Jaskier months to get him to use, but it makes Jaskier chuckle. This will be a piece of cake.

                                                            -*-

Jaskier is  four days in and trying to find something to watch. Normally he would just use Netflix like a normal person, but Geralt’s internet has been spotty for the past hour and Jaskier is about ready to die of boredom. His only problem, it seems, is the complete lack of organization. And the insane amount of movies that include horses. Spirit sits right at the front- one of the few animated movies that Geralt will admit to liking, and the others Jaskier has never heard of before. Well, since Geralt doesn’t seem to care, Jaskier sets out with the intent to alphabetize everything, and while he’s got the shelves empty, dusts as well, just to prove to Geralt that he can clean too.

He’s six movies in to reshelving them when he pulls out Flicka, staring at the black horse on the front cover. He’s noticed a pattern so far- most of the movies involving horses have dark coloring, and that gets him thinking about archetypes within horse movies. Not that he’s ever seen any of the ones on Geralt’s shelf. Out of curiosity he pops the case open, staring at the disc within and wondering if he really wants to subject himself to a movie he knows nothing about past the horse and girl on the front cover. He’s going to watch it with Geralt sooner or later, he thinks, so he shrugs, grabbing for the disc. The little tab in the middle releases with a pop, and Jaskier watches in slow motion horror as the disc goes tumbling out.

Jaskier fumbles, trying to catch the disc before it hits the ground, but to his horror the disc bounces off the carpet twice before he hears a distinct snapping noise. No. It fell on the carpet. It’s fine. His heart pounds in his ears as he sets the case down and pads over to where the disc has settled, cracked almost nearly in half. The curses that Jaskier lets out are particularly colorful, and if he weren’t panicking, he would almost be proud of the ones he’d created. Faintly in his panic he hears the door open, and he whips up, eyes wide and breathing ragged as he stares at the door. Geralt isn’t supposed to be back for another three days yet how-

“What is that?” Yennefer’s voice is cool, but he can hear the amusement running beneath it. 

“Yennefer! I- it’s nothing.” He takes a discreet step in front of his mistake, hoping she’ll leave it be. She never does, though, violet eyes sweeping the room and settling on the pile of movies on the coffee table waiting to be sorted. He clears his throat, and her eyes flick back to meet his briefly. “What are you doing here?”

“Looking for you.”

“Me?” His voice cracks, and he clears his throat again.

“We were supposed to meet for lunch. It’s almost two.” Jaskier swears again, and Yennefer finally steps fully inside, kicking the door shut and crossing her arms. “It’s a good thing I remembered you were house sitting. That wouldn’t happen to be one of Geralt’s movies laying on the ground, would it?”

“Uh…” Yennefer takes a few steps into the apartment, and Jaskier takes two steps back, the edge of the disc pressing into his heel. He shuffles his feet a little, not wanting to cause more damage and watching helplessly as Yennefer picks up the open case, closing it to read the front. Her eyes flick up to meet his, and for a moment she almost looks as panicked as Jaskier feels. She’s better at hiding it though, and her panic turns into a crooked smile, smug and slightly condescending. 

“That’s Geralt’s second favorite movie.”

“I don’t-” 

“The one that’s currently on the floor, broken I’m assuming.” Jaskier can feel the blood drain from his face, and he nervously glances down at the broken disc.

“Fuck.” He stoops to pick up the disc now that Yennefer has figured him out, and stares with dismay at the crack running up the length of it. Yennefer holds out the case, and Jaskier gingerly snaps the disc back in place. “I have to get him another, if he finds out I broke it he’ll never let me come over again.”

Yennefer crosses her arms, that same smug smile on her face, letting Jaskier squirm as he thinks about where he’s going to find a movie from fucking 2006. Immediately his first thought is to go on eBay, see if anyone is selling the movie in some kind of good condition. “Well, lets go then.”

“W-wha…” The dark haired woman pins him with a look, and she motions for him to get his shoes on, standing impatiently by the door. 

“Let’s go see what we can find.” Jaskier shoves his feet into his boots, grabbing for his keys and wallet and stopping to shrug on a sweater much too big for him when he sees snowflakes fluttering down outside. Yennefer raises a perfect eyebrow at that but doesn’t say anything, just leads Jaskier to her car, giving his shoes a look before letting him into the car. 

They search four different stores and three thrift shops, but the only copies of the movie he finds are in almost worse condition than the one currently at Geralt’s house. He’s really panicking by the time Yennefer drops him off with food and a stern command to find something before Geralt gets home. Jaskier puts the movies back haphazardly, not caring about the order they’re in anymore. He parks himself on the floor in front of the couch, food on the coffee table and laptop balanced on his knees. He eats bites in between scrolling, and to his immense relief, there are over two thousand results for the movie. It only takes him a couple more hours of agonizing to find one that looks to be in good enough condition, and promises to get to him within two days. It’ll be tight, but as long as nothing happens, Geralt will be none the wiser.

 Jaskier makes his bed up on the couch and makes sure to bring in Geralt’s plants before bed, confident in his plan. Now to wait for it to ship, and Geralt to come back from visiting his adopted father. 

                                                           -*-

It comes perfectly on time. The case is in better shape than even Geralt’s was before, but by now Jaskier has learned, and swaps the cases before tossing the broken disc. Onto the shelf it goes, no worse for wear, and Jaskier can breathe a sigh of relief. His place in Geralt’s house secure, Jaskier sets out to clean up the apartment some, wanting nothing else to go wrong. Geralt should be home in a few hours, and if he knows his best friend, he’ll be starving. A good hearty welcome back meal is in order, and while Jaskier would never say he’s a fantastic cook, he’s proficient at the least and knows what his friend would like. 

Roach joins him while he’s cooking, stubbornly perching herself on his shoulder and watching his every move as he chops vegetables. He’s made this particular dish before, and knows that Geralt likes it more than he’ll say. Jaskier pops the freshly filled pot pie into the oven with 10 minutes before Geralt is supposed to get home- not that he’s counting or anything. Roach has settled herself like a scarf around Jaskiers neck, head tucked under his chin and little cat breaths puffing onto his neck. He’s sweltering in the heat of the kitchen and Roach’s long fur, but he would never squander any love that Roach chooses to show him. 

Jaskier is wiping up any excess mess when he hears the door click open softly, followed by the thump of bags hitting the floor. Roach perks up, ears tickling Jaskier’s cheek as she pulls herself into a standing position on his left shoulder. Her claws dig uncomfortably into him while she moves, but he forgives her. He’s still wearing Geralt’s sweater after all, and the material is just thick enough to keep him from getting maimed. 

“Jaskier? Roach?” Geralt’s voice is tired, and Jaskier pops out of the kitchen, grinning and heart beating wildly when he catches sight of Geralt. His white hair is wet with snow, and curls loosely wherever it’s free from his ponytail. 

“Geralt! You’re home just in time. Was your flight okay?” Geralt doesn’t say anything for a few moments, eyes dark as they flick over Jaskier, down to his toes and then up again. He holds his hands out for Roach, and she leaps off of Jaskier’s shoulder easily, landing in his waiting arms. Geralt is still staring at him as he allows Roach to snuggle into his arms, but Jaskier is used to this. 

“Yes.” He finally says, not saying a word when jaskier comes forward to work him out of his wet jacket, one arm at a time so Roach doesn’t have to be set down. Jaskier can see Geralt’s nostrils flare, and he glances over at the kitchen where the pot pie Jaskier has crafted has begun to smell heavenly. “You’re wearing my sweater.”

Jaskier pauses, cheeks flushed faintly, before he shrugs, chuckling softly. “Somehow I neglected to pack any sweaters, and well, it’s a long train ride home.”

“Hmm. Food?”

“Almost done. Sit, I’ll bring it out.” Geralt nods, toeing off his shoes and tucking them away before settling on his couch. Jaskier ducks into the kitchen to get his pie out and serve it, careful not to burn himself (again). Geralt takes the hot plate from him gently when Jaskier holds it out to him, taking in a deep breath and shooing Roach when she tries to snag a bite of the chicken inside. 

They eat in comfortable silence, Jaskier’s feet tucked under Geralt’s thigh to avoid a chill and Geralt only grunting at the cold that seeps through his jeans. Jaskier is halfway done with his pie when he sees Geralt pause with his fork midway to his mouth, a crease forming between his brows and eyes flicking back and forth. 

“Geralt?”

“My movies.” Jaskier looks over, sighing and laughing nervously. 

“Oh, I uh, was dusting so I moved them, but I couldn’t remember what order they went in. Sorry.” Can Geralt hear his heartbeat? Jaskier worries for a second that he’s going to be found out, but Geralt only frowns and goes back to eating. Jaskier thanks whatever god is out there watching over him and digs back into his food, grateful for the dropped subject. Geralt finishes before Jaskier, staring once again at the shelf full of dvds with a frown on his face. The longer he stares the more nervous Jaskier gets, and he hops up when he finishes, grabbing Geralt’s plate. 

“Be right back!” Geralt looks at him briefly as he disappears into the kitchen, and Jaskier thinks he’s going to have a stroke, there’s no way he’s going to get away with it. While he’s freaking out in the kitchen he figures he might as well actually do the dishes, just to say he was doing something other than hiding in here. He’s definitely not hiding in here from his best friend because he broke a dvd and had to replace it. The warm water and bubbles are a nice distraction, but there aren’t many dishes that haven’t already been done and Jaskier is running out of time to just stand here.

Jaskier gathers whatever courage he has left and dries his hands off once he’s certain he can handle more questions, slipping back into the living room. Geralt’s back is to him, and Jaskier definitely doesn’t take a moment to admire the muscles he can see through Geralt’s shirt. Definitely not. Geralt doesn’t seem to pay him much mind, shuffling his dvds around and putting them back in whatever nonsensical order they were in before. Jaskier isn’t quite sure what to do now, or if Geralt expected him to leave, so he goes about gathering his things so that he’s ready at a moment’s notice. He’s hunting for a stray sock he can’t seem to find when Geralt turns sharply on his heel, a white dvd case in hand.

“What did you do?” Geralt’s voice is soft, but Jaskier can hear the accusation in his tone.

“Hmm?” Jaskier looks up from where he’s crammed his head under the couch, eyes widening when he takes in the movie that Geralt is holding. “Uh, the dishes? Pack? I don’t-”

“It’s different.”

“What is, Geralt?” Geralt holds out the case, and with a growing amount of dread, Jaskier realizes that Geralt is both way too asinine and way too meticulous to not find out. “Your movie? I told you, I-”

“Jaskier.” The frown is back, and Jaskier only lasts a moment more under those disappointed eyes before he sighs. 

“Right, so uh, I might have had a little accident while cleaning, but I fixed it!” Geralt looks down at the case, and then back up at Jaskier, quirking a brow as if he doesn’t believe him. “Stop looking at me like that! I- ugh, okay so I was cleaning and your organization was just awful- not the point, so I was going to organize your shelf but then-”

“You’re rambling.” Geralt cuts in, expression smooth. “The point?”

“The disc fell out and I don’t know how carpet could damage it, but it uh, kind of broke? In half? So Yennefer-I know- took me to a few stores but we couldn’t find it, so I had to go on eBay to get a new copy.”

Geralt says nothing for a few long moments, just staring at Jaskier while he squirms, looking anywhere but at Geralt. 

“Jaskier.” He looks up at the mention of his name, and Geralt is still looking at him, though this time his gaze is warm, and there’s a small tilt to his lips. A hint of a smile that he’s trying to hold back. The sight brings tears to Jaskier’s eyes and he has to blink a few times to keep them at bay. 

“You aren’t mad?”

“No.” Jaskier reaches up to rub at his eyes, laughing and shaking his head. 

“I must look like an idiot, worried over a dvd, but I didn’t want you to come home to me having broken something after you trusted me to-”

“I have more than one.” Geralt interrupts, and jaskier really should tell him to break that habit.

“Huh?”

“I have more than one copy. For when the other breaks.” For a second Jaskier doesn’t hear what Geralt said. Once his brain catches up to him he bursts out laughing, hardly able to catch a breath between bouts of incredulous laughter. 

“So I didn’t- didn’t break your only copy?”

“No. But,” Jaskier has quieted down a bit more now, and Jaskier almost can’t handle the soft expression Geralt is looking at him with. “Thank you, for replacing it.”

“You’re welcome.” Jaskier smiles at him, and they stand there, smiling, until Geralt clears his throat awkwardly.

“So uh, did you want a ride home?”

“Oh, yes, yes that would be lovely. Lead the way.” Jaskier gathers his things, and Geralt doesn’t say a word when he drops Jaskier off, still wearing a sweater much too big for him.