#feels guilty for having had hobbies these first three years of residency

[izvmimi]

lmao i’m actually here panicking but if you look at me it’s truly just 🙂

[potteresque-ire]

hello, ily metas! thank you for taking the time for them. i hope you dont mind an ask with two follow up questions to your metas i'm curious about: 1) has mxtx rly been sentenced? i have seen others also share this news but other fans have quickly dismissed and gotten pissed at these reports for being fake news that are bad for mxtx, and as fearmongering. 2) for those who want to support yizhan but not the ccp, do you have advice how to navigate fan support and interaction with their media?

Hello! I apologise for the late reply!  You’ve brought up some interesting points, so please forgive me for responding with an essay.

First, about MXTX — This is a follow-up to this post.

Unfortunately, this is all we got—all everyone has got about MXTX’s current situation: on 2020/11/10, she was sentenced in Hangzhou Shang Cheng District’s People’s Court (杭州市上城區人民���院). No details were given on her verdict, due to “人民法院認為不宜在互聯網公布的其它情形”  (“The People’s Court decided it inappropriate to announce further details on the internet”). Here’s a link with the screenshot that showed all the information released about the case that day.

There are enough copies of similar screenshots to this one online, with the differences dependent on where the publisher pulled the information from the same website: 中國裁判文書網, an online archive of verdicts run by China Supreme People’s Court. There’re few reasons, therefore, to believe the information on the screenshot was fake. The link I used was Sina’s Financial News, which I believe is trustworthy enough for China’s standard.

It is also important to note, of course, that two scenarios may still render this screenshot irrelevant. 1) The verdict, which was not mentioned in the screenshot, was “not guilty” and 2) the name listed in the case, 袁依楣, was not MXTX at all.

Few have seemed to suspect 2) to be a possibility. Her real name might have been prior knowledge among some fans, or the combination of her surname and city of residence. 1) has been the where the concern / debate is.

I included China’s rate of conviction in the original post for this reason: acquittal is exceedingly rare (<0.1%) for the arrested in China. This short article discussed some reasons.

So, is it possible that MXTX is now a free woman? Yes. Is it likely? Not at all.

Still, since the probability that MXTX is imprisoned isn’t 100%, is spreading this news smearing her name? Fear-mongering?

I can only answer for myself, Anon, but my answer is no for both questions, which is why I’ve felt comfortable posting about her case. MXTX’s alleged “crimes” are things we already knew she did, or common practices among Chinese IP writers. We know she penned MDZS and other BL works; we know MDZS, in particular, has an 18+ element. She was said to have sold merch based on her works, but that wasn’t unusual at all for writers in Jinjiang, where she published her writing. Even those who don’t like her have seemed to agree that it was her writing that got her into trouble, not some other crimes she could’ve committed.

IMO, a guilty verdict doesn’t tell us as much about her as it does about the judicial system, the business practices of her country. It’s worth re-mentioning that media giants such as Tencent are closely tied to the government; Tencent’s WeChat, for example, is part of China’s Great Firewall and is used for surveillance, for censorship and removal of political dissidents. What MXTX’s case hints at is this: the government has (very likely) convicted her, while its close allies are continuing to use her works—works that got her into legal trouble in the first place—to make money. Some fans of MXTX have questioned if the courts have censored the details of the case to save the embarrassment of the rich and powerful, calling what has happened to MXTX 人血饅頭 (“human blood steamed buns”), an idiom used to describe the act of profiting out of someone elses’ life.

As for fear-mongering, here are my thoughts ~ it would’ve been fear-mongering if the public has access to the facts, and not years after they happen. Specifically, it would’ve been fear-mongering to leak the rumours of MXTX’s sentencing, when the judicial system is transparent and the case details will soon be published for all to see. Why? Because “fear” comes from the unknown, and “-monger” is the unnecessary promotion, stirring-up of this fear.

To promote, stir up anything, one needs a reference level. The reference level in this scenario is this: what is the level of fear if the facts about MXTX’s (and other BL writers’) situation are known? Of course, this knowledge doesn’t make MXTX’s experience any easier or more just; it doesn’t cause her less fear. However, she isn’t the target audience of this likely-to-be-true rumour. The target audience is the public and in particular, those who consume and/or generate BL material online.

What is the level of fear among this population if the facts about MXTX’s (and other BL writers’) situation are known? It’s the (relative) comfort in knowing the government’s stance on what they do: how the administration feels about BL, 18+ BL, and their distribution methods. The comfort comes from having the right information to decide how to act accordingly. For example, if I’m a BL writer based in China and I know the court has found MXTX guilty of bypassing publishing houses but not of writing M/M romance, then I’ll know to not produce paper versions of my writing, but I can keep writing.

This reference level of fear is unavailable here, however, since the government has decided to withhold all details about the case. Without this reference level, fear-mongering becomes a ... difficult to define concept.

Are these likely-to-be-true rumours agents of fear, or are they hints on how to survive in a country that lacks transparency?

Continuing with the example of I being a Chinese BL writer, since I cannot expect to hear more facts about MXTX, this rumour is all I’ve got in choosing what to do with my hobby, in deciding whether it is safe to continue. As I’m aware that a rumour isn’t a fact, I first research on the rumour’s likelihood of truth (similar to what I’ve done for MXTX’s case), and cross my fingers that I don’t get it wrong.

By doing so, I’m turning these rumours into my survival guide.

Is it risky? Yes. Is it exhausting? Absolutely. But this is the way of life for people who live under secretive, authoritarian governments—the authoritarian element making it impossible to demand more facts. It may take people outside such regimes some time to get used to—to the lifestyle, and to the idea that, in a place where news is often synonymous with propaganda, rumours are breadcrumbs of truth that should be sieved through with equal care as one would sieve through the news. Heeding, considering the probable truth of what the authority has deemed to be fear-mongering rumours can be a matter of literal life and death. 

Take...COVID. (I apologize for bringing up this unpleasant topic!)

I shall link to an article about the early spread of COVID in Wuhan here and ask: were Dr. Li Wenliang and the seven other doctors fear-mongering? Wuhanese chose to believe in the government, but at what cost to them? What would the world be like today if they took the early COVID rumours as true and masked up like Hong Kongers—Hong Kongers who weren’t any smarter or better, but had simply learned their painful lessons from the 2003 SARS epidemic? 

(Why hadn’t the Wuhanese learned? Because the government has long changed the narrative of SARS, taught their people that the illness originated in Hong Kong.) 

(How can one learn from past mistakes if one pretends those mistakes never existed?)

You must be wondering, Anon, why I’m talking about COVID when your next question is about YiZhan. The death of Dr Li Wenliang on February 7th, 2020, sparked a demand for freedom of speech rarely seen in internet-age China. Its fury, its ferocity forced the government to change its stance on Dr Li, again an unusual move. Since January 2020, Weibo had been censoring COVID news and opinion pieces that shedded a negative light to the central government; after the death of Dr Li, the censorship apparatus stepped up, making way for the propaganda machine to kick in later and change the narrative of the pandemic.

Here are some questions without definite answers, but may be food for thought for YiZhan fans:

1) While the Chinese government’s censorship apparatus (including Weibo) might have silenced the voices of dissent, of mourning on the surface, was it more likely to pacify, or fuel the anger of netizens, many of whom had lost loved ones, many of whom were still under quarantine?

2) Less than three weeks after the death of Dr Li, a group of fans demanded even *more* censorship from the government—the closing of an internet website that had been seen as a relatively free space to express oneself. How would these netizens react, even though they knew little about these fans or their idol?  

(It was, in the context of the massive silencing of COVID discussions in China, that I learned about the ban of AO3. There had been rumours that the government would censor more websites on 2020/03/01. When I read about AO3′s ban on 2/27, my thoughts were 1) Hmm. This came two days early. 2) AO3? Really?)

(I wouldn’t watch The Untamed or know who Gg was until several months later.)

Now, Anon, this is a good time to get to your CCP (Chinese Communist Party) question.

The very short answer is no. There’s no way to support YiZhan without, to a certain level, supporting the CCP. As mentioned above, the media companies are all part of China’s surveillance system. Weibo is where freedom of speech is curbed. Our two boys have been part of the propaganda machine; the BBC article linked above had a tiny picture of Gg on it, as he was a performer in the Hero in Harm’s Way (最美逆行者), a “real-life based” drama on COVID. DD just did a show glorying the Chinese police force (and here’s a video of the same force welding doors to lock in COVID-stricken residents).

Nonetheless, here’s my first advice: please do not beat yourself up for supporting YiZhan!

Gg and Dd are people who live within the system, inside the Great Firewall. They understand the world the way their government has taught them to—not only in school, but also in the news and media. Like most youths in every country, they’re patriotic—and to expect them to be otherwise, especially because of information they don’t have, is both unrealistic and unfair. Even if they do know about certain things impermissible within the Firewall, in China (as in many Communists countries), openly expressing / performing one’s proper political leanings (ie. loyalty towards CCP) is among the most important pre-requisites for any job. This has been especially true for c-ent in recent years .

They, like most of their countrymen, are doing what they have to do.

In this case, it comes to us, our decisions on how to interact with their works. How should we deal with them, their propaganda elements?

The answer, of course, varies from person to person. Personally, I’ve chosen the approaches of “immunisation” and “restriction”. By “immunisation”, I mean learning about as much historical and sociopolitical facts from non-CCP sponsored sources; this is understandably difficult for someone who doesn’t already have some familiarity with the culture and politics of the region, and/or cannot read the language. 

Restriction means limiting my consumption of media produced by China. I avoid shows (dramas, documentaries, variety etc) featuring topics that are likely to contain heavy propaganda, such as the military, the police, Hong Kong/Macao/Taiwan, and of course, anything pertaining to the CCP, from its rise to its governance of the country.

In general, I’m wary of all information presented about the post-monarchy years (post 1911), even though CCP wouldn’t begin its reign until after WWII (1949). Why so early? 1) Because CCP was formed in 1921 and so its glorification requires a change of narrative since then; 2) because the Nationalist Party (Kuomintang, KMT), which governed China between 1912 and 1949 (the so-called Republican Era 民國), would end up exiling to and setting up a new government in Taiwan.

How much propaganda should one expect in shows depicting the country post-1911? The current TV and webdrama directives (previously discussed in this post) offer some hints. Here are my translations of the relevant items:

D7) Dramas about the Republican era: Glorification of the Republican Era, the Beiyang Government, and Warlord Era requires strict control.

D10) Crime drama: crime drama is the focus of content auditing. The Ministry of Public Security (Pie note: in charge of law enforcement, ie, police) will be involved in the audit. The process of crime solving cannot be exposed; criminal psychology and motivations can however be depicted in detail. Undercover police cannot use drugs or kill, or damage the image of the police force. Criminals must be punished by law.

D12) Dramas featuring realistic topics: realistic topics must adhere to the correct world view, philosophy of life and moral values. They cannot place too strong an emphasis on social conflicts, must showcase the beautiful lives of the commoners. Regular folks should display larger-than-life sentiments and aspirations; they can pursue wealth, but must use proper means to do so; they cannot damage the public image of specific employment types, groups and social organisations. Do not preach negative or decadent world view, philosophy of life and moral values. Do not exaggerate, amplify social issues; do not over showcase, display the darker sides of society; do not preach affluence, avoid things that have no basis in real life.

D16) Dramas featuring the Revolution (Pie note: CCP’s coming to power): 2019 is the publicity period of the 70th Anniversary of the People’s Republic of China. Although the “Three Importances” (important revolution, important people, important events) are still encouraged, the  National Radio and Television Administration requires all departments, at all levels, to strengthen the control of content and the overall management of the industry, and focus on the auditing of content pertaining to the Sino-Japanese war and espionage dramas.

These directives (as those translated in the other post) are as vague as they are restrictive, and to err on the side of caution, production companies tend to “overachieve” to avoid going against headwinds at the censorship board. This means their products have a tendency to malign the Republican Era (D7). It means they will likely twist history in trying to depict the CCP as faultless heroes (D16). It means they'll probably present a utopian-like society and call it reality-based (D12), a society in which the good guys share the same values as the CCP and always win (D10).

Yes, my “restriction” means I skipped Hero in Harm’s Way. It means I’ve never listened to Gg’s version of 我和我的祖國 despite my absolute adoration of his voice. It means I just missed Dd’s performance in the law enforcement celebration event. It means I don’t plan on watching Being A Hero and Ace Troops.

So here’s where I’ve drawn the line, Anon, but it doesn’t mean that’s what anyone should do. Only you alone can decide where your own comfort zone is. I write these metas in the hopes that it can offer a … gateway for those who’d like to understand, with a more telescopic lens, Gg and Dd’s country—a country that holds a particularly strong hold over its citizens’ fate including, yes, their romantic fate. It’s not my wish to impose my opinions on anyone.

If I have other hopes… It’s this. Please, as long as it’s safe for you to talk, do not self-censor—especially about facts, especially on sites like Tumblr or Twitter that have long been banned by the Chinese government. I don’t mean one should go about and confront those who insist on a different version of reality. To undo opinions rooted in years of education, IMO, the process has to be voluntary, and the information is already at the fingertips of those who’re surfing these sites and wish to learn more. More importantly, open discussions of these topics may be risky for those who still have close ties to China, and keeping them safe should always be the top priority. 

What I mean is simply this ~ please do not feel obliged to agree with every perspective presented in YiZhan’s work just because you support the leads. Please do not feel you must remain silent about the CCP—its good, bad and ugly—just because your favourite stars happen to come from the country it’s ruling. And please remember: “Chinese”, as a term, has always included people who live outside CCP’s control, many of whom still fully embrace the culture, traditions and values of Historical China, a 5000-years long string of dynasties with shifting borders, ethnic makeup and customs. The Untamed is a mainland Chinese production, yes, but its genre, its manner of presenting certain traditions, wouldn’t have been developed, or flourished, without the diaspora. The CCP has only been the ruling party of one country, the People’s Republic of China, for 71 years, and as a party with foreign (soviet) roots and a record of destroying the pillar of the country’s tradition, Confucianism, it doesn’t own a monopolistic say on how every Chinese should think and act—no matter how much it insists it does—or how everyone should think and speak about China and its people.

It isn’t qualified.

[piracytheorist]

Small Signs (1/1)

Fandom: Resident Evil 7

Summary: Ethan wakes up, thinking of his wife, who has been missing for three years. Little does he know today will be the first news of her he'll get since she disappeared.

Word count: 1.4k AO3

~

Another dull day.

Another day Ethan wakes up and the other side of the bed is cold.

One would think that he would get used to it, after all this time. But no. Some days he still finds himself waking up and instinctively reaching to hold her.

She always responded to his touch, no matter how deep her sleep. She would sigh and move her body closer to him, then nestle there until she actually woke. He would wait for her to wake up, work honestly be damned, he'd think sometimes.

He stretches his arm, laying it where she would've been, hand on the pillow, fingers running softly over the fabric. He would’ve been mad to think that her scent could have stayed on it after three years.

He sighs. Three years of confusion.

Work be damned, he used to think, but it's the only thing that has managed to keep his mind occupied. His co-workers realized quickly that he was dealing with Mia's disappearance on his own way and time, and they left him alone about all the "You should move on" stuff as soon as they started.

Not that he doesn't appreciate their sympathy. But they’re not in the know.

Even their friends feel distanced to him now. They’ve mourned Mia already, and he’s now the odd one out. He still enjoys their company, but despite the remarks on how it isn't too early to start going out again being rare, sometimes it feels like they can’t get it.

He just wishes he had any fucking way to explain to them the very last message he got from Mia.

"Stay away. Forget that you ever knew me. Have a good life."

It still sends shivers down his spine to think of it. He remembers the moment he watched it the first time clear as ever. How he'd stayed frozen, almost shivering from shock, in front of his computer, for who knows how long after the video had ended. The sirens blaring in the background. Mia's distraught, tired, dirty face. Her telling him to forget her. Completely. As if she never existed.

A part of him – a small one, but a part nonetheless – was almost angry at her request. She'd lied to him – and admitted so – and after all those years of being together, she just expected him to forget all about it? Their love? Her admittance? Her guilt?

Her?

He groans in frustration. Despite anything else, he feels guilty for being even that little angry at her. And for the life of him, he can’t believe she didn’t love him. She couldn’t have just left him… there must have been another reason.

Maybe he should do as she said and have a good life. Maybe he should really move on. Maybe he should just do as their friends want to tell him but won't.

But still... If they had known...

The police had instructed him to not tell anyone about Mia's last video. Even if they hadn't, he still had no idea how to even start that conversation.

"Yeah, first she sent me that sweet message, with the promise of coming back soon, and that same night she sent me this one and it scared the shit out of me. And then she disappeared without a trace. Can you see now why I can't really move on?"

If only he knew what happened. Without a body found, he believes he'll spend eternity hoping he'll get news of her. Not that a body is difficult to get lost and destroyed to the point of no recognition, that fucking voice he hasn’t been able to mute even three years later, says again.

If only he could just know what happened. How, or why she disappeared. If she died, at least if it was quick and painless. At this point he's gotten used to the jab inside his chest at the thought of her actually being dead. It still hurts as much as first, but the pain comes less often and more anticipated.

He wants answers. What was with the creepy video, why she lied to him, what she hid from him.

Who is he kidding? Most of all, he wants her.

It isn't like that every day. He gets up with his alarm clock and loses himself in the morning prep routine, focuses on work, goes back home and finds ways to spend the day by either cleaning, tidying up, maybe distracting himself with a beer with friends and then goes to sleep, hoping the next day will provide opportunities for distractions again.

He's given up on the piano. He was pretty mediocre at it already, so it's not like he has any memories of himself playing exquisite sonatas and Mia sitting next to him, being entranced by his fingers dancing across the keys. But he's supposed to be happy for it. He's supposed to give heart to it.

He doesn't feel like he has much of a heart left. Sad thought, he's aware. But it's also true.

The alarm clock on his phone finally rings. He silences it and gets up.

That one small difference, waking up a few minutes before the alarm, stains his entire day. When he opens the cupboard to take the coffee jar, his eyes fall on the sugar jar and he remembers how Mia took her coffee with sugar, and how that jar has barely seen any use in the past three years. When he washes his now empty coffee mug, the lack of a second cup to wash brings a feeling of emptiness in him. When he brushes his teeth, Mia’s old toothbrush is almost taunting him. He didn’t throw it away at first, because, well, she could have returned at any time, right? After the designated three months since she’d first used it passed, he felt as if throwing it away would send out a sign of resignation to the universe, or something. So there it stays and haunts him.

He’s almost managed to forget about that and ignore its existence. But today, being such a day, when he opens the towel cupboard to take out a new one, it catches his eye. An unopened pregnancy test box, probably expired by now.

The last pregnancy test Mia’d had was negative. “When I come back, we’ll try again. It will be positive, then. I know it,” she’d said.

He just had to change the towels today of all days, didn’t he?

He thinks that getting out of the apartment will make him feel better, with some – relatively – clean air in his lungs. Instead, it makes him feel emptier. No goodbye kiss, no see you later, her house keys still and always missing.

Even with work he can't get his mind off. Especially when an old man calls him for help with his computer and starts talking about how it was a gift from his lovely wife.

Is it too much, that he once dreamed – and sometimes, his traitorous mind still dreams – of himself and Mia growing into an adorable old couple like them? Is it because he was so damn happy, that the universe decided a different path for him?

Ethan feels thankful, albeit reluctant, when Jim invites him out for drinks that night.

Had he been asked, he'd never believe that his sullen mood that day would be a sign. A sign that, while Jim would be talking about a particularly demanding and annoying customer, Ethan's phone would ring with a notification. That he'd turn it on and in a shocked state he'd see that he got an email. From Mia.

Dulvey, Louisiana. Baker Farm. Come get me.

It's her account, he knows it. He even knows the password; he had logged in a few times over the past three years in the frail hope it would somehow bring her to him. Last time was one and a half month ago, on their anniversary.

He doesn't even stop to think. Louisiana, fuck, that's nearly across the country.

Well, no time to waste then. He starts picking up his stuff.

"You okay?" Jim asks.

"Yeah. I- I gotta go."

"Something wrong?"

"No, I just- I gotta go."

"Ethan, what the hell?"

What the hell indeed.

He nearly runs to the exit, not looking back at his friend.

Mia is out there, calling out to him, and he's going to get her back.

~

A/N: Boi has no single clue what nightmare he's getting himself into XD

Anyway, I headcanon that Ethan plays a bit of piano. There are enough appearances of pianos both in RE7 and RE8 (and even a puzzle with one) so I'm going with that. I feel that it's just a hobby to him, so practicing everyday is not his priority, and after Mia disappeared it would just feel wrong to him. Boi's sentimental af.

I looked all over the game's credits, and I couldn't find if the dude Ethan calls at the begining of the game has a name (or even who voices him, lol), so I gave him one myself. I just thought it'd be cool to tie it in that way.

Also, hey, this is the first time I write for this fandom. Yay me! Here's to probably writing more fic!

[unbreckable]

༄ cha eunwoo, cis man, he/him + you are the sun, soul warm and inviting. a man who thinks everything should be bright and bubbly like the champagne you consume. you fall in love with every soul you encounter, half of the relationship imagined by your overactive mind and before you know it, it is over because the truth is not what you imagined and you are alone again. – is that justin finch-fletchley ? their ministry records say that they are twenty-three , a muggleborn , and went to hogwarts . currently they are a businessman . whenever i see them sunflower by rex orange county starts playing in my head. i think this may be because they’re benevolent & affable , but also guileless & allocentric . [ kimmy , she/her , 24 , gmt+8 ]

basics .

name & origin : justin finch-fletchley. justin – the anglicized form of the latin given name justinus, a derivative of justus, meaning "just", "fair", or "righteous". finch-fletchley – his father’s last name which his mother eventually took. a name widely known in the muggle business world for its ownership of many five-star restaurants world wide. nicknames : none, just justin preferred name : justin age & birthdate : twenty-three & february 8 gender & pronouns : cis man & he/him orientation : bisexual & biromantic ethnicity & nationality : nationality – english & south korean, ethnicity – south korean hometown : kinighstbridge, london, england current residence : one bedroom flat in chelsea occupation : businessman, works for his father hogwarts house / school graduated from : hufflepuff

miscellaneous .

phobias : masked men, spiders, cockroaches, rodents, fire quirks : rubbing his calloused fingers together, paces back and forth when thinking or anxious, can do complex math in their head hobbies : soccer, sailing, golf, cooking, guitar and singing love songs likes : sweets, champagne, cocktails, romance novels, exploring, romantic candlelit dinners, surprises dislikes : heat, strong perfume, late nights at the office, business dinners wand : 13″, alder, dragon heartstring, unyielding patronus : bat boggart : rodents and creepy crawlies beginning to swarm him reverse amortentia : freshly cut grass, clean laundry, pine, candle wax

history .

what was their family life like ? the eldest adopted child of harold finch-fletchley and kim dan bi / danielle finch-fletchley. he was well loved and cared for along with his younger brother, tristan finch-fletchley. his parents were apprehensive when they found out he was a wizard at first, that was until he brought home gilderoy lockhart’s books to his mother. 

what was their childhood like ? his childhood was all sports, private schools, and all the latest toys. he excelled at soccer and was heartbroken when he found out that it was not a sport commonly played by wizards. he got on well with his little brother and they discovered justin’s magical abilities together when he made flowers in their roof top garden bloom during the winter. it was their little secret until he got his hogwarts letter. 

what were they like in school / as a student ? although justin struggled with his magical subjects, he was very hardworking and earned himself decent grades. he was affable and friendly, getting along with almost everybody in hogwarts and not just those in his year. he juggled learning magical subjects and muggle subjects althroughout, knowing all along that while he was a wizard he would eventually return to the muggle world to work. what were their views of the war ? justin understood prejudice well, he saw it everyday in how his father’s business partners treated him and his mother. they were more lenient towards tristan, who was half white, but prejudiced nonetheless. he had expected the magical world to be free of it, a place to escape, but he was of course very wrong. it made him fearful, and while he eventually gathered the courage to join dumbledore’s army, he still felt on edge up until he went into hiding. 

where were they during the battle of hogwarts and why ? he was in south korea, hiding out with his maternal grandparents along with his brother and mother. his father, who insisted on being left behind in england died that year not by the death eaters, but by cardiac arrest. 

what are some challenges they’ve had to face as a consequence of the war ? guilt. he feels guilty for running and for not coming back to fight in the battle. it makes him ashamed to show his face in the wizarding world, and up until recently he had only met with his friends in muggle friendly places. as of late, he’s dipping his toes back into the magical world.

what are they doing now ? he’s taken over for his father and is almost always busy. however, recently, he’s been allowing his brother to take on more of the responsibilities. he’s finding his way back to his old hobbies and working on forgiving himself for not having done enough.

how have their views changed ? he still has this nagging feeling as if the evil hasn’t been completely eradicated. as he steps back into the magical world he can still see traces of prejudice.

[thebcwens]

『 avan jogia. thirty. cis man. he/him. 』 oh heavens, is that JASPER BOWENS from MAIN STREET i see roaming around mapleview? minnie may’s always calling them -SELF-DESTRUCTIVE & -IRRESPONSIBLE. i happen to think they’re not that bad! they’re a pretty cool OWNER of STRINGS & THINGS MUSIC SHOP and every time i’ve seen them, they’ve always been +SPONTANEOUS & +CARING. i hope i see them around again!

drugs tw, addiction tw, miscarriage tw, death tw ! @mapleviewstarters​

NAME : vincent jasper desai-bowens NICKNAME : jasp, vinnie (family and older mapleview residents only) SEXUALITY : pansexual RELATIONSHIP STATUS : in a relationship with paxton ZODIAC SIGN : aquarius PARENTS : james bowens and priya desai-bowens SIBLINGS : amir bowens (40), eva bowens-walker (40) RESIDENCY : a quaint and comfortable apartment near the music shop OCCUPATION : owner and manager of strings & things CHARACTER INSPO : ulysses zane (apocalypse now), klaus hargreeves (the umbrella academy), lito rodriguez (sense8), liam (high fidelity), frank n’ furter (the rocky horror picture show), laird mayhew (why him?).

CHILDHOOD

vincent jasper desai-bowens was born and raised in mapleview to an irish dad and an indian mother. james and priya bowens moved to mapleview in 1979, not long after they got married. james soon found himself a job at the factory and they decided to build their family in the small town.

the couple welcomed their twins not too long after, the golden boy and the wonderful girl were both named after priya’s late parents -- amir and eva. that’s when the bowens’ started to settle down and james made the bold decision to make money from his passion for music, quitting his job at the factory and buying the music store in town.

but then nearly ten years later, priya got pregnant with their third child. it was a risky pregnancy, since she was almost in her forties. they welcomed a strong and healthy baby -- who was named after james’ father and personal hero, a brave man that fought in the war. they were living the dream. that was, until vincent grew up.

being the youngest of three was hard. especially when your parents' had great expectations for you and your siblings’ were fucking geniuses and you were just, well, you. vincent was never the brightest kid or even interested in anything. he was the kid who’d bite others for no reason, yell at the teachers and break toys. he was the worst possible kid a parent could want but once his teenage years rolled in, the bowens’ knew he was never going to change.

TEENAGEHOOD

by the time vincent got to high school, he started to finally make friends for the first time. that’s when he met adrien and tba, who later on became his best and only friends. the teenage version of vincent wasn’t much different from the kid version, only this time the rebellious acts were in different ways -- vincent stopped attending church, would spend more time in detention than in class and would even pick fights for the hell of it. but what was the last straw for his father was when the rumors of vincent using drugs started to run around town. of course, it wasn’t like he was doing hard drugs or anything, but the bowens were a respectable family in mapleview.

to say james was furious was an understatement. and during their last fight, he told vincent he didn’t deserve the name he got and he was a lost cause. that’s when he dropped the name and started going by jasper. that was also the night he ran from home. only sixteen, with nowhere to go and no money to his name. he never talked to his dad again after that.

his sister eva, not wanting him to turn into a homeless person, took him in. but it still hasn’t enough. jasper started getting into a darker path and eventually into heavy drugs. around that time, jasper and his friends found a man that was almost dead. they saved his life but it always stuck with him. he watched as his friends were moved by the act, but he felt nothing. the only desire he had was to deepen himself in drugs. it didn’t take long for jasper to drop out of school and get kicked out of his sister’s house. he then became known as mapleview’s junkie and the bowens’ black sheep -- if he wasn’t already.

ADULTHOOD & NOW

because of his addiction, jasper pretty much pushed out every single friend he ever had from his life, refusing to drag them into his mess. when he turned twenty-one, he was in and out of rehab like it was a hobby. but during one stay, he met someone. and that someone gave him hope.

jasper was in love with her and he actually saw himself having a future for the first time. the boy even got a job so they could shack up together. after a year of being together, they found out she was pregnant. but the dream didn’t last long, she had a spontaneous miscarriage and that’s when things went downhill again.

feeling guilty about what happened to her and thinking that somehow it was his fault, jasper left her and fled to los angeles. he doesn’t talk much about what his life was like there.

about two years ago, jasper’s mom reached out to him with news that his father had passed. she told him about the plan his older siblings had of selling the music store since they had no interest in it, obviously too busy with their own lives to care, and asked that he’d come home to take over the business. he’s been the owner since.

his return to mapleview was a shock to everyone who hadn’t seen or heard from him in years, most of which just assumed he had died or something. and to be honest, if it wasn’t for his mom, he’d never step foot in town again. the amount of trauma that jasper went through would be enough to break anyone, but he’s managing. well, not really. but he’s trying.

RANDOM FACTS

only is ok with getting called “vincent” by his family and older mapleview residents. he will hit a bitch if he gets called that.

since he’s living near his mama, he’s trying to get on his best behavior. he’s just happy to be with her and be able to take care of her.

always shaking like a fucking chihuahua because of his addiction.

he hates his siblings. if he had the strength, he’d roundhouse kick the shit out of his brother

luckily for him, he doesn’t have to deal with them since they moved away from mapleview a while ago. they also barely talk and he doesn’t even know if he has nephews or not. Sad

sometimes he forgets he’s the boss ( oi leo from that 70s show! ) and forgets to pay his employees

if he says he’ll be “taking care of stuff” in his office, you bet he’ll be napping there pls come back from 2 to 4 hours thanks

he can speak three languages: english, hindi and gujarati

[phantom-of-decadence]

God Forbid & the Devil Fears // Chapter One \\

Fandom: Hannibal (TV series)

Characters: Will Graham, Hannibal Lecter, Will’s Dogs, Mischa (mentioned) - more to be added

Pairing(s): Will Graham x Hannibal Lecter

Summary of Entire Works: Moving from town to town is exhausting work to keep your face hidden and your hobbies going, but it's worth it to find that crushing high

Hannibal drags himself all over the country, following specific people to kill and following a strict set of rules he laid for himself, struggling to keep his blood lust under wraps.

He soon finds himself in dreary town called Oak Creek and coming face to face with a local who is too curious for his own good.

Albeit, he intrigues Hannibal too, but he is left to wonder if he wants to kill the local or treat him like a delicate rose, blooming in winter's chrysalis...

Warnings: Blood, gore, description of death, murderous thoughts, hunting, pretentious language

Wordcount: 5,514

Tags: AU!No cannibalism, AU!Bookshop Will, AU!Righteous Hannibal, other tags to be added, Will is autistic, pining, angst, gay panic, subtle flirting, eventual smut, fluff, fluff/comfort, pet names, gay thoughts, hunting, hannibal is the scruffy one, so is will but he has standards for fuckssake, hannibal tries to be polite, he is still a murderer though,

A/N: Because we all fucking love putting religion where it doesn’t belong. Also I tentatively made Will on the autistic spectrum ((I will be doing my best to portray autism correctly and read up on it, please let me know if things need to be fixed. I want to do this right))

The POV is not set in stone, I just wanted to open it with something different, going between first person and second was very interesting and I hope it gives insight on characters. So I will likely switch it to third if the next chapter gets written, or keep it like this. IDK, its a toss up

The title will become so relevant later

~

Towns all look the same, especially when they were all small and in the middle of nowhere.

I move between them often, just stay long enough to admire my handiwork and then I move on for my next target. Leaving what I had done behind me, before they could figure out who had done it.

Where was the fun in being found?

I try not to show my face in the towns I grace, I play a guise that I am visiting friends, family, relations or on my way to see them.

So I stop in a place to rest, a sleepy village that hides a monster. It’s only for a few days at most, I hardly ever eat in a restaurant unless I am stalking, or I get something quick to sate my hunger. And even then, my stomach will not settle for it.

In all the towns I visit, I find nothing to delight in besides the people that they hold within them, those who have not properly answered for their crimes. They walk among the others with their shoulders unburdened and their minds dark, on the prowl for their next victim, warily searching.

Their faces and names, dragged through the mud and branded traitors to mankind and humanity. Some were even locked up and away from the humanity they tried to destroy. Those creatures were the sloppy and messy, only focused chasing the high.

Others I knew, were more careful, calculated and didn’t get caught, didn’t get their due even though they left carnage in the wake of their high.

I knew that high, I craved it. Like all of them.

The high was something that I couldn’t live without. 

Was it an addiction?

Maybe.

I never really thought about calling it an addiction, it was a desire to me. Something I could control, something that I had strength over.

An addiction is an urge that had power over its victim.

I would not let the blood lust that curled in my chest to control me, it tried to. Often times when I looked upon a face too soft for this world, too soft for this time.

I did not often give those rushing thoughts too much consideration in the long run, I knew that I should. When I have the time.

But I didn’t have the time, not now.

I was in a new place, looking for a new face, and finding a new desire.

All these towns looked the same.

They were all sleepy, with aimless people wandering the streets. Disguised in neutral colors, abandoned effects, cobblestones and dirt roads.

Diners, mom&pop shops, locals and hardly hints of modern urbanization. Everyone knew everyone, and they didn’t take kindly to an unkind face they have never seen before.

So you have to smile, blend in, pretend you’re one of them - normal, at least; but on the inside you are screaming endlessly and desperately craving for a rushing, dizzy high. A desperation to see red dripping from a wound you made on their exposed throat as their tongue wagged with senseless words, and to the look of shock and stunned silence on the faces of those that surrounded you, the face in front of you.

The thought of it made my mouth water, my hands shake with anticipation on the steering wheel, and my chest crushed with a weight, like I had been sunk deep in the dark depths and been made to stay there, the pressure choking excited gasps from my lungs until I was drowned by the waves of the ocean.

These are the moments where I was powerless, the crescendo of my high - when euphoria rolled through me in waves, and I lost all sense of control.

It hardly ever reached that point, outside of the smooth slide of my knife against uneven skin.

This town was different. I could feel it the moment I drove past the sign that welcomed me into Oak Creek, or perhaps it was just the sinking unease that trickled through me like an impeded stream when I saw the deteriorating sign of that godforsaken fast food restaurant that so many people fattened themselves at.

It’s yellows and reds well faded over time in this dusty little village that didn’t see fit to continuously update it.

I would’ve considered this place abandoned with its looming and dark buildings that were worn with the years of neglect; but Oak Creek’s residents seemed none too concerned about the gloomy haze and bitter cold that rolled over the sky, holding a threat of snow over them.

They didn’t care. They continued to roam the streets, all bundled in fleece coats. It was almost admiral how people in this dreary town continued their aimless patterns in the cold.

The drive past the buildings and to the motel was a short one, on a winding road that dodged small, nestled grey shacks that remained under maintained.

When I came upon the motel, I took note of how well it fit in well with the rest of Oak Creek with a tilt of my head; sleepy and cold and deteriorated, like the rest of the town. 

The roof and grounds covered in a fresh blanket of snow, the dark wooden structure was sparse from decoration, save for a sign that read the name of the motel which I barely registered in the back of my mind.

It was the only lodgings in town, after all.

I slowed my car to a stop in front of the motel, turning it off and slowly resting back against the leather seat as I watched the dreary outside in order to collect my thoughts in a neat line.

I began to wonder why those I stalked, kept to themselves in small towns that were underpopulated. Where people are unlikely to speak about the acts they witness or the people that pass through, because they knew better than to talk about other people’s business.

If my prey wanted a chance, then why not find a populated city?

They would be more likely to be found by someone that wasn’t me, perhaps it was the assumption that small towns like Oak Creek didn’t care. And they didn’t, they kept their nose out of private matters unless it concerned the community directly.

But, I like to think my prey enjoyed the hunt, the thrill of the chase.

Mutual respect, perhaps?

Make it easy to dispose of putrid waste?

Kind of them.

Why do towns exist, little places like these, without much foot traffic or tourism? How do they make their income, how do they willingly feed off of one another and fight their neighbor for profits?

How do they justify it?

Do they?

Or is it something unspoken, untold and unfixed?

No tourist attraction, no myths, legends or killers.

That they knew of.

Towns like this surely had no discourse to them, they were a still lake who never had its surface disturbed by wind, leaf or rock. Intentional or not.

Where was the vibration of enjoyment?

 These thoughts careened in my head as I left the warmth of my car and made a hasty entrance into the motel, I feigned a smile as I stepped up to the desk to obtain my key from them, “I’m just passing through, on my way for a baby shower.”

I answered the desk clerk’s invasive questions in a polite manner as they tried to get to know me, a brief guest in a drizzle of visitors.

What was behind the urge to know everyone in these dwellings?

Could I consider it all basic politeness that was due to every human?

They couldn’t possibly know what I was by a singular glance. They were simply ordinary.

I would only be here for only three days at the most, that’s how long it would take. To find him, his pattern and then drag him out of his dwellings and gut him like the senseless and cowardly pig he was.

I almost felt guilty for comparing him to a pig; pigs had more character than this man.

Though, I suppose he wasn’t entirely senseless, he moved often from his crimes, never got caught and made his killings few and far between.

This time, he made an error, he slipped up. Stayed for too long to revile in the chaos that was created, he got a little sloppy. He still retained more intelligence than half of the detectives and pawns for the FBI hunting him, because he crawled away, right under their noses.

He couldn’t crawl away from me, I found him and he didn’t even know.

Yet.

My routine began when I was handed my key and directed to my room.

Once I entered the ‘cozy dwellings’ as described by the advertising, I put the “do-not disturb” sign on the doorknob. Some previously have considered it peculiar how much I value the privacy and discretion in my life.

If they were inside of my skin, shared my experiences, they would understand. A man who soaked their hands in red does not leave hand prints on others uninvolved in their crimes.

I scoured the room, began to measure and map it in my mind. I sat my travel bag down by the bed before I eased myself onto the creaking mattress, listening for how thin the walls were, how much sound would enter and escape.

I could hear the sounds from the road outside of these lodgings; it was mostly silent, no cars rumbling by. Everything was within walking distance, so I understood that people didn’t use gas unless it was completely unavoidable.

No sounds on the road, not many people milling around. No cacophony of noise to cover up the wails of a dying man, questions would be raised.

It couldn’t be here.

I knew the home address of the man I was hunting, I knew a lot about him.

I made that my job to know him, all of his names that changed from town to town and crime to crime; his given name was Peter Martin, not a name that stuck out in a long list of names that the devil keeps.

I wondered why he never kept his name as it was given, too mundane perhaps? Did he want to strike terror into the hearts of others with a frightening name?

Peter Martin would not be giving me that answer, that wouldn’t be the question I was asking him.

I needed to go to his home and watch him, establish his pattern the way a bee would every single day, a drone existing to serve a queen. Existing to serve the chance that a high would be waiting for him around the corner.

Despite having just arrived to my room, I was ready to venture out into the frigid ghost town.

The prospect of a hunt, of a chase - the temptation and soft promise that I would get that depth crushing high in a manner of three days time, was enough for me to rise from my bed and leave the warmth of my lodgings behind.

The sooner I was able to map out Oak Creek, the sooner my hunt could begin and I could move on to the next deserved high.

I stood, staring down my own reflection in the mirror that sat above the desk, trying to assure myself that I looked like one of them.

With the plaid scarf tucked tightly around my neck, leather gloves on my hands, and knit cap pulled down over my ears, I looked less of a killer than what I actually was.

You cannot help feeling what you are in your soul; but for a brief moment of peace, your mind can let you forget what you actually are.

In the end, when it truly matters most, you will always know what you are in the darkest parts of yourself.

I closed the door behind me, taking care to ensure that the “do-not-disturb” sign was on before I left the premise; though left nothing incriminating in my room. I kept that with me, at all times.

Then again, I was a fond of using whatever was within reach of my hands when it came to achieving my high.

Some considered it resourceful, when I used a “Live~Laugh~Love” wooden poster to nearly sever the head of an escaped child rapist. He had struggled too much, knocked the knife from my grip. That was the closest thing I could reach.

The snow crunched under my boots as I trudged along the slate sidewalk that led from the motel and into a graying Oak Creek, it was mostly empty save for a couple dressed in brown and tan winter clothing, too wrapped up in each other to notice that they had passed me.

I didn’t have the desire to quirk the corners of my mouth up when our eyes met for a singular second, I knew my gaze was emotionless and empty even if they didn’t register it, I did.

I found difficulty to fit warmth in my features unless I had reason to do so, a reason that would hopefully benefit me in the end, and people in love is not a reason to show warmth.

We passed each other and that was the end of it.

I passed several stores in the area, none of which I took too much note of. Save for a diner, I would need to eat, after all.

The sky was still as grey and callous, if not more so, from the time I arrived.

Dark skies settled over the horizon, assuring to bring fresh snow and harsh winds that burned my nose and cast tears in my eyes trying to see past the frigid breeze.

I never particularly cared for winter, it was too bitter and gloomy. 

Only one aspect of winter was appeasing to me, it was the whiteness of the snow. How undisturbed it fell, the way it gently kissed the earth and how it looked when red spattered over it.

I enjoyed writing my love notes to the earth on pure white.

I continued down the sidewalk for a few minutes longer to take everything in, but I soon found myself looking up at a wooden sign above a shop that read, “Pages and Pawprints, a collection of books and friendly faces to keep you company”.

I don’t exactly remember what called me towards the cobblestone store that was more window than it was building, but I turned my attention to it fully. It looked almost completely desolate, but I approached it all the same as curiosity drove me more than logic.

I knew I shouldn’t be showing my face too much in Oak Creek, thankfully satisfaction brought the curious cat, back from the dead.

I opened the glass door, trying not to notice how the handle was shaped in a dog’s paw; I was instantly greeted by the sound of a bell ringing and a couple of subdued barks from dogs laying down, near a couple of tables and chairs.

My eyes were drawn to the six dogs lying on multiple beds that had been provided for them, they were all of different size and color and all eyes were locked onto me.

Subtly, I wondered what I had been expecting? The owner of this store was clearly infatuated with canines and their hair, whereas, I was not. I considered turning around and leaving, though something kept me there.

Perhaps it was the warmth in contrast to the outside, I paused to loosen my scarf and unzip my jacket. I left the knit cap on, however.

The door closed behind me, ringing out the chime of a bell once more just to announce that I was still there, deciding against the thought to leave.

My gaze remained on the dogs for a second more, but none moved to greet me. I allowed my eyes to wander until I found a man sitting behind a mahogany desk. The only one who wasn’t looking at me, but at the computer in front of him.

I moved in his direction, searching for a conversation, these trips got lonely. Save for the people I gutted; I still valued conversation I could have with people who wouldn’t remember me.

“Hello.” The smile on my lips was immediate as I got close enough to study you.

Your hair was dark and unkempt, tousled, forgotten about. Designed by the way you slept, heavy and slicked in sweat from what I can only assume was nightmares, if Oak Creek was always this cold.

Your head tilted up to acknowledge me, the slightest quirking of your pink lips in response to my spoken word, yet you made no move to respond to me.

Your face was almost the same as your hair, unkempt stubble and a sheen of dampness on your forehead, dark circles under your eyes. Which refused to look up at me.

Your blue eyes didn’t settle, they looked everywhere but at me, darting around in that pretty little skull of yours. Trying to lock on something in your shop that would ground you.

I could smell a lot coming off of you. Most notably, that stink of an aftershave that made me want to wrinkle my nose in disgust. I resisted the urge because I smelled another thing rolling off of you, blatant apprehension of my person.

It would’ve strung my chest with hurt, if I cared in that way.

A quick glance to your hands, in your lap now, were shaking and fidgeting in a looped pattern, told me this is what you were always like with new people.

You got sensory overload quickly, when it came to humans, and their noises, and their energy... you liked your dogs though. That much I could see when your gaze rested on them for once.

I wanted to push you a little bit, I wanted to stare at you and make you squirm with the weight of my gaze until your heart was racing, make you talk to me and answer my buggering questions...

 At least I thought I wanted to do that. To test you, see how far you would go.

But I didn’t. I couldn’t find it within myself to do any of that.

I turned my body, my dark and unnerving gaze away from you, and looked into your store to try and figure out the purpose of it really was; dark bookshelves, assortments of books that were organized by color, it looked like.

The walls were a deep maroon and had pictures of people and their dogs  hanging from it, small plaques here and there.

I found myself smiling at the ensemble, despite the disdain I held for animal hair - it seemed to complete the look. The shop was neatly kept, it was something you were proud of, something you were deeply passionate about.

I could feel your eyes on my when I turned my back to you, curiously studying the way I held myself and what I wore, too many layers for a local.

Turning my back to people wasn’t something I would consistently do to strangers, but I knew you had no reason to hurt me, that was the last thing you were capable of.

“What are you here for?” You asked me, finally speaking. Your voice was raspy and soft but baritone in your chest, you sounded hesitant to speak because you didn’t know who I was, and I wanted to keep it like that.

To protect you, to protect myself more.

I knew that you were used to the people in your town, you were used to a pattern that repeated itself and I disrupted it. So you were cautious and tiptoeing around me, as if you could sense what I was.

I had to assure myself that you didn’t.

I parted my lips to answer you, politely as my mind turned back to the thought of small town people wanting to know everything, “Nothing in particular, I was exploring town-”

“You’re not from around here.” You stated sharply, prompting me to incline my head over my shoulder to look at you with a brow raised. I was smiling even if you weren’t.

You looked away, apprehensive again.

I didn’t have the time to wonder why I smiled at you, what the reason was that benefited me but it brought a blossoming warmth to my chest.

“No, I’m just passing through. I thought I should find a couple of places to entertain me on my short visit.” I affirmed your suspicion of my ‘wayfaring stranger’ position.

“Oh,” You took a second to try and collect your thoughts before you spoke again, and something stutter in my beating chest as I faced you once more and saw the creases on your forehead, lips pulled into a taunt line as you considered how best to showcase the things you were passionate about.

Your blue plaid shirt was ruffled, coated in a layer of dog hair; pushed up past your forearms, revealing pale skin and faded scarring. You had left your thick jacket and scarf somewhere else, out of reach.

My fingers twitched by my side, not wanting to make you uncomfortable by my staring, but I wanted to touch your skin and inquire how your arms earned those stripes. I remained silent until you spoke.

“I have owned this shop for three years now and I have books imported from different countries and states, I don’t really put labels on what this space is... but you can buy the books, a-and take them home.

“Or you can read them here and put them back, s-sometimes I open it for crafts on certain day.” You explained to me, your eyes still darting around, a smile and a blush decorated your face. For a moment, you met my gaze before you were focusing on your dogs again, “My dogs are friendly as they can be, they like people and it functions as a safe space if anyone needs it.”

As I listened to you speak about your shop, I reflected a bit internally. I concluded that the safe space you spoke of was for you, mostly. You almost looked like you were refraining from telling me every last detail detail of your beloved dogs, you instead turned the topic elsewhere.

My mind turned towards myself after a beat, I wondered what this stuttering in my chest was; it wasn’t the weight that shackled me when a potential high presented it’s face to my keen eyes.

This was something else entirely, like my bones were made of air instead of tension. Hyper fixation sat heavy on my chest, the same way as when the blood lust dripped down my teeth, accompanying the urge hunt, the desire to know you, your soul, and everything under your skin. All of you.

My claws would flex with the want to sink into you and hold you still, only stare into your eyes, your entirety. I wanted to look you in the eyes and see who you really were, but I didn’t meet your gaze.

I followed it to the books, to the dogs.

This feeling was wrong. It wasn’t how I felt when the perfect prey was within the grasp of my talons; perhaps it was the desire of someone innocent, to see them bleeding.

I had not set my sights on innocence for the longest time.

I promised Mischa that I wouldn’t dig for innocent breath or blood, ever again; but these desires made feel stuck and powerless, rooted in one spot as your words tumbled through me.

I only ever knew one way of getting that power back, to take it away from someone else. I didn’t feel the need to take it back from you, I simply let you keep it... whatever made you feel comfortable with me.

I smiled, the corners of my eyes crinkling as you told me about the genres that you carried, several of which, I didn’t even care for.

You looked so enthused, a twinkle in your eye that mesmerized me, so I could only stand there and thank you, telling you that I would go get the books you recommended would entertain me for a spell.

I kept my eyes on you, watching as your face lit up, you smiled and laughed softly, fingers clasping together as if you were shy or astonished that someone would listen to you.

I found that absurd, everyone would listen to your voice if given the chance. I forced myself to look away from your face, I didn’t desire to make you crawl in your skin because of my piercing gaze; somewhere in the back of my mind, I wondered why that though struck my skull.

I thanked you again and left my place at the desk, carefully stepping around the many dogs that you owned, they simply thumped their tail on the ground and I feigned a smile to them. If only for your sake.

I disappeared behind on of the shelves so you could no longer see me, and the stutter in my chest slowed down, if only just a bit while I scoured the sections to find ‘drama’, ‘mystery’ and ‘historical fiction’, neatly bunched together.

I could consider these few genres the absolute last thing I wanted to read, but... I was going to grab the books and bring them to you anyway.

I wish my mind would give me a rational answer to why this trembling like a newborn fawn, and sudden airiness of a bird made of feathers came to me.

I should’ve left the store when I had the chance.

This wasn’t the blood lust that coiled within me when hunting my perfect prey, the urge then was unfiltered rage, animistic and primal. The desire to maim as best I could while, keeping my identity restricted at the same time.

This fawn is something else that I don’t know how to care for, a different breed of blood lust that sat on my chest. I knew I would have to do a dissection on myself. I could feel it in the back of my mind, the terror of not being in control of my own emotions.

Mischa in the back of my mind, repeating the words I had said to her, the promise I made to my sister so long ago.

I sighed, defeated, as my hands pulled the four books you recommended, off the shelf and held them in my hands, close to my chest before making my way back to you.

The Hound of the Baskervilles, The Murder on the Oriental Express, The Song of Achilles and of course, Othello. Excellent choices if I were another creature.

You glanced up at me as I came back, your eyes like a lamb’s, wide and curious.

You took a second to look me over as I walked, taking me in as a whole and not a part; I was like a Victorian schoolgirl for a beat, embarrassed I had been caught bathing by the boys as they glanced in awe at me.

I wanted to clothe myself in white satin to hide prying eyes; but in a second beat, I was aware that I was fully clothed and dressed for winter in this dreary town of Oak Creek, standing in front of you.

Nowhere close to what my mind’s eye provided me.

It was jarring to say the least, I almost faltered in my movements under your vision.

Your scrutiny lasted for less than five seconds, eyes finally returning to your computer screen, waiting for me to set the books down on the desk so you could ring up the price.

I didn’t even want these books in the first place, yet you looked joyous that they were in my arms, “I recommend, if you read anything, read The Song of  Achilles first, before you leave town...”

You seemed to hesitate on what you wanted to say next, twitchy fingers collecting the books and stacking them neatly, “No-one ever wants to discuss the meaning of it, both within the book or the actual myth.”

You left it open ended, for me. My eyes locked on your wrist, skin pale and almost ashen, and your long fingers stimming below it.

I knew what you wanted, what I was made you curious the same way I had been when I first slunk into your shop. You wanted to find out more about the stranger in your building, like everyone else in Oak Creek.

But you were more forward about it.

“I can come in the day after tomorrow.” My lips parted and my mouth spoke before my mind could finally catch up and remind myself... what rules I was breaking by even offering such an absurd thing.

I blinked, my first solution was to stay away from you, to fight this stutter in my chest and whatever craving I had for an innocent’s blood. If this even was a craving.

I answered your unspoken question and you were a deer in headlights because I gave you exactly what you wanted, you slowly looked up at me, your curls brushed loosely over your forehead and your fingers twitched in uncertainty.

“If you want to talk about the book,” I continued, knowing there was no way I could step back now with my dignity and your feelings intact.

My voice was strained like something was strangling me when I spoke - something invisible to you, but completely seen to me, “I enjoy a lively discussion from time to time.” I offer so it wouldn’t be worse than it was, but I don’t believe it helped the situation.

You stared at me, mouth agape while my chest sunk to the depths against my wishes; then your lips twitched into a smile, “Okay... it’s nice to speak to new people.” Your voice was soft as you accepted my invitation that you prodded from me.

My throat tighten in response, I wanted to verbally agree with you even if I didn’t believe it, I nodded instead to you. I offered to speak with you even though I knew I shouldn’t, I had prey to stalk, catch and gore.

I had to dissect this stumbling fawn inside of me.

Where would I find the delicate time to speak to you?

And why did the thought of not getting the chance, fill my lungs with inescapable breath?

The sooner I left this village and claimed my prize, the sooner I would feel normal again.

I always hated the winter, things were always different and difficult, the ground refused to let things rot no matter how long they had been there.

The amount I owed you for the books I didn’t even want, tumbled from your mouth to distract my thoughts, and I hastily dug into my pockets, pulling out a wad of cash and thrusting it over to you. I hadn’t been listening to you at this point, I just wanted out of this store to cool my buzzing mind. 

I needed to retreat from the public and your eyes.

“It’s only twenty-one ninety,” your voice broke through my fog, confusion an undertone in your soft voice.

I blinked in an attempt to get my head right, before I took the money you offered back to me, wanting the right amount because you were a small store who couldn’t cash a hundred dollar bill.

“Oh, my apologies.” I ran through the notes, finding as close as it could get to the total, giving thirty dollars back to you, “Keep the rest.” I struggled out while I gathered my books in my arms and turned for the door.

My pathetic attempt to get away in a haste as if a hunter was on my bleeding trail, though your voice cut me short like a gunshot in a silent forest, “I’m Will, by the way.”

I stopped, my gloved hand on the handle to the door.

I took one moment to look back at you, your cheeks blushing pink and lips turned upward in the smallest smile as you forced yourself to watch me for my reaction.

I let out a shaky breath, preparing myself to break yet another a rule that I set many years previous to keep myself and innocents safe... did it even matter now?

“I’m Hannibal, it’s nice to meet you, Will.”

“Likewise.” You responded immediately, leaving me with your parting smile and I quickly took my leave of Pages and Pawprints, heading back the way I came from, back to my motel where I could brood over the interaction that just passed. Dissect this new, tumbling fawn

I furiously growled under my breath as I walked through the cold, books pressed tightly to my chest and the lingering scent of that horrible aftershave from you, following me all the way to the supposed comfort of my room.

I needed a kill to get you off of my mind.

[ohhophelie]

ORIGINS & FAMILY:

Name: Ophélie Evangeline Redgrave

Nickname: O, Fee

Birthday: 31 July 1992

Age: 28

Gender: Female.

Place of Birth: London, United Kingdom

Places Lived Since: London, United Kingdom; Saint-Malo, Ille-et-Vilaine, France

Current Residence: Kensington, London, United Kingdom

Nationality: British & French

Parents: Lambert & Sérephine Redgrave, née Callac

Grandparents: Harold Redgrave (grandfather, paternal, deceased)  Hélène de Broglie (grandmother, paternal, deceased) Aurélien Callac (grandfather, maternal) Ophélie Hervé (grandmother, maternal)

Aunts & Uncles: Charlotte, Georgina Redgrave (aunts, paternal) Anita Acton (aunt, paternal)

Number of Siblings: Three brothers; Sébastian Redgrave (38), Arnaud Redgrave (36), Gaël Redgrave (32)

Relationship With Family: Ophélie is closest to Gaël, her other two brothers see her mostly as the family fuck up although they all feel somewhat protective of her as the youngest. This was particularly meaningful during the wild years of her teens when an attention starved Ophélie might find herself in places or situations she was likely too young for, they were mostly all still at home and willing to come collect her from wherever and keep her secrets from their parents. Her father has always been distant, she sometimes fears he’d rather forget she existed. Her mother is overbearing and critical - after three boys she thought Ophélie was at long last the daughter who’d belong only to her, a little doll to shape as she wished. She was very wrong.

Happiest Memory: The freedom and acceptance she finally found in university, the Christmas and New Years she spent with Gaël in New York when spent a year at NYU.  

Childhood Trauma: oh boy - see this answer HERE

PHYSICAL:

Height: 5'4”

Weight: 110lbs.

Build: Slim - some might say too skinny

Hair Color: Blonde.

Usual Hair Style: loose curls, a careless, practiced ease. Sometimes she wears it up if she's bored enough, high ponytail when she runs

Eye Color: Blue.

Glasses? Contacts?: Neither.

Style of Dress/Typical Outfit(s): Expensive as fuck - if she had to choose a ‘style’ it would be classic. She isn’t conservative in the least bit, but she also isn’t one to go into more out there fashions - that is Gaël lane. She tends to favor dresses and skirts and more feminine looks. Ophélie caught in jeans is a very rare Ophélie. When she is home alone she is usually wearing a thin robe or some form of lingerie/pjs  

Typical Style of Shoes: Ophélie does not like to wear shoes. However, given that going barefoot is usually frowned upon in society, she can usually be found in heels that match whatever she may be wearing. If she is very close with someone she will take her shoes off the moment she enters their home, and at her own flat can always be found barefoot.

Jewellery? Tattoos? Piercings?: She has both of her earlobes pierced, as expected. At one point she had a cartilage piercing, but she long ago forgot to keep it open. Unbeknownst to her mother and most of her family, she has both of her nipples pierced. Ophélie will say to anyone who knows that these are her favorite piercings. She has a tattoo of a scorpion on the nape of her neck. Everyday jewellery includes a heavy men’s watch that belonged to her grandfather, whatever earrings she fancies on any given day, as well as rings. The one ring she wears at all times is made up of three interlocking circles - when she is anxious or focusing on something Ophélie spins this around her finger.

Scars: She has a scar on her shin from falling off a horse as a child. The most recent additions include a thin line across her chest/sternum and a nearly perfect large C in the center of her back - she plans on adjusting that soon.

Unique Mannerisms/Physical Habits: When she is focusing, Ophélie will twist her ring around her finger. She has the tendency to curl her hands into fists and dig her nails into her palms. She also chews on her bottom lip, which has caused a significant investment in longwear lipstick.

Athleticism: Ophélie grew up playing tennis with her brother Gaël and got into running in her teens. She never does any actual races mostly because she couldn’t be bothered and also way too many people near her. It’s mostly a way for her to focus her own mind/punish her body.

Health Problems/Illnesses: She absolutely has an eating disorder from the unrealistic expectations of her mother when she was growing up. It is something she has struggled with most of her life that her friends are likely unaware of. Ophélie also has undiagnosed ADHD, PTSD, addiction issues that are yet to be explored.

INTELLECT:

Level of Education: BSc in Politics and Philosophy from LSE - it wasn’t exactly what she wanted to study but a compromise that got her parents off her back. If possible she’d want to go back to school for linguistics or art history.

Languages Spoken: English & French natively, Spanish fluently. Functionally fluent in Italian, a lingering understanding of Latin from prep school. She has a very good ear for languages and dialects and can pick them up quickly.

Level of Self-Esteem: Fluctuates between “I hate myself I’m such a bitch” and “I love myself I’m such a bitch.” No in between.

Gifts/Talents: Very good at languages and remembering things she’s heard if she cares enough to focus, weirdly good at crossword puzzles if she has the patience, has the ability to come off as unthreatening and use it to manipulate people.

Mathematical?: Hell no, she absolutely cheated her way through math and she is not at all sorry about it.

Makes Decisions Based Mostly On Emotions, or On Logic?: Emotions, particularly whims. She does have a vindictive streak and while that is based on emotions she can adapt logic to her purposes is.

Life Philosophy: live fast die young bad girls do it well. No joking, she doesn’t really have one or doesn’t like to consider it, but if we had to define it, somewhere along the lines of ‘never let them see you cry’ IDK TBD

Religious Stance: Was raised Anglican, not really about it. Enjoys the art and melodrama of the catholic church.

Cautious or Daring?: Daring, boarding on reckless, she has the arrogant privilege of the very wealthy, that they are untouchable and almost immortal.

Most Sensitive About/Vulnerable To: Her mother, people trying to lessen her or force her to be something she is not, her eating disorder/body image

Optimist or Pessimist?: says she's an optimist, mostly because she doesn’t let herself project any other way; deep down is def a pessimist mostly out of self preservation and years of building up armor

Extrovert or Introvert?: Extrovert.

RELATIONSHIPS:

Current Relationship Status: fucking her way through the french bros/leadership

Sexual Orientation: bisexual in that she is attracted to all beautiful women and men who are older, dangerous, and low key damaged.

Past Relationships: Only real/serious relationship was with Charles Jameson (alexa play champagne problems by taylor swift)

Primary Reason For Being Broken Up With: being caught cheating whoops

Primary Reasons For Breaking Up With People: boredom, afraid of getting to close

Ever Cheated?: yep, and if not for the way he reacted she might actually feel guilty about it.

Been Cheated On: not that she knows of

Level of Sexual Experience: very high and no she will not be slutshamed thank you very much

Story of First Kiss: A boy she met while staying with her grandmother in France. She was 11 and kissed him on a dare.

Story of Loss of Virginity: She’d just turned 14 but told him she was older, it was mediocre at best but she loved the rush of power she felt when she turned him down the next time.

A Social Person?: Very - she literally wouldn’t be able to do her job so well if she wasn’t. Plus shes a slut for attention and once you cross the threshold between casual friends and very close friends - she’s loyal as fuck.

Most Comfortable Around: Paul for sure, although she feels safe and comfortable with most of the frenchies she knows well - Noa, Laurent, Guillaume, Delphine, Sofie - its Paul she goes to first, her ride or die bitch. Outside of the French she feels comfortable around Spencer, shockingly, and within the family it's only Gaël who she feels she can even be remotely herself around.

Oldest Friend: Camilla Berkeley, her brother Gaël. Most of the people she knew through grade school and her teens she grew bored of or dropped for Paul and the French.

How Does She Think Others Perceive Her?: Dancing right on the knife’s edge between hot and hot mess; a fuck up; shallow and vain. For those who know her well she often fears they think she might be stupid or reckless, not as devoted as she actually is.

How Do Others Actually Perceive Her?: Literally dancing right on the knife’s edge between hot and hot mess. Those closest to her often think she’s smarter than she herself does, hopefully they also value and recognize her deep loyalty. All should think she's a great time.

SECRETS:

Life Goals: To be happy and find something and someone that makes her happy.

Dreams: That she will stop letting the negligence and cruelty of her parents - mostly mother, hurt her. That she will matter to someone, be loved and wanted for exactly who she is and not who they think she should be or who she pretends to be.

Greatest Fears: Being abandoned by those she loves,  being hurt by those who should care for her, never being seen for who she is. Horses - she had a bad fall as a child and doesn’t trust them.

Most Ashamed Of: The walls she builds out of self preservation, lying to her brother when he only wants to help her.

Secret Hobbies: Puzzles - the more pieces and complex the better. It isn’t really that much of a secret because there is usually one in progress on the unused dining room table. Collecting first editions of her favorite books - it's a secret because she is usually too impatient to find a better deal or negotiate and will literally pay whatever the seller asks for it, usually above what it is worth.

Crimes Committed (Was she caught? Charged?): She has never been caught or charged, but possession with intent to distribute multiple illegal drugs, selling said drugs for organized crime. There was also that one time that she may or may not have led a man to his death, which although she has done her best to block this memory, would likely make her an accessory to murder.

DETAILS/QUIRKS:

Night Owl or Early Bird?: Both really,  but that's the insomnia and stimulant usage.

Light or Heavy Sleeper?: light sleeper when she’s alone, heavy if she’s sleeping with someone she trusts

Favorite Animal: penguins

Favorite Foods: strawberries, champagne,

Least Favorite Food: anything mint

Favorite Book: The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson

Least Favorite Book: any of the myriad of self help books well meaning psychiatrists have suggested

Favorite Movie: Heathers, Jurassic Park  

Least Favorite Movie: emotional porn - aka any movie specifically designed to make you cry without any profound or complicated themes other than ‘life is short’

Favorite Song: Kyoto by Phoebe Bridgers

Favorite Sport: she’s a tennis bitch for sure

Coffee or Tea?: coffee although she does like tea

Crunchy or Smooth Peanut Butter?: Ophélie is allergic to peanuts rip  

Type of Car She Drives: lol no one let this bitch drive

Lefty or Righty?: Left

Favorite Color: the champagne sheer of the sun pushing through the curtains in an early morning, baby pink of her favorite peonies, rich red velvet of box seats at the opera, the soft golden grey of art museum marble floors.

Cusser?: Yep - but controls it around her family because she doesn't have the patience or stamina for the lecture/scandal it would cause her mother.

Smoker? Drinker? Drug User?: Never smokes, drinks pretty often, regular cocaine use since her teens, a more recent venture into pills.

Biggest Regret: Letting it go on so long with Charles, the fact that she still lets her mother’s cruelty hurt her, not going to school for what she actually was interested in.

Pets: two italian greyhounds named Pogo & Banana

[forgedwild-arch]

𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑹𝑨𝑪𝑻𝑬𝑹 𝑺𝑯𝑬𝑬𝑻.

repost, don’t reblog

basics !

FULL NAME. August Wesley Wilder NICKNAME. Gus. Gus the Grizzly. GENDER. Cis-Male (He/Him) HEIGHT. 6′9 AGE. unknown, physically appears around 55-60 years old. ZODIAC. taurus sun / libra moon / virgo rising. earth sign dominant chart babey!! SPOKEN LANGUAGES. fluent English, Spanish, and French. has picked up a little Dakota-Siouan from frequent run-ins with the Ghost Nation over the years. he’s not really fluent in it, just knows enough to talk himself out of trouble lmao.

physical characteristics !

HAIR COLOR. salt and pepper grey, with natural black undertones.  EYE COLOR. light hazel that fade to a deep forest green around the edge of the iris (central heterochromia) in both eyes. SKIN TONE. he’s white but he’s very sun-weathered and darkly tanned, with lots of sun spots and freckles all over his body. BODY TYPE. broad, big, bold and bear-ish. just the dictionary definition of a Gentle Giant. well, mostly gentle unless pushed. ACCENT. southern appalachian drawl. VOICE. deep, husky, and gravelly yet nothing short of soothing. his voice claim is Colter Wall. DOMINANT HAND. he’s ambidextrous! POSTURE. Gus is always generally seen standing tall and proud. he’s definitely a man who’s comfortable in his body, and the stark juxtaposition of his formidable physique and utterly gentle nature often catches the townsfolk and westworld guests by surprise.  SCARS. deep, jagged scars that run diagonally across his back and over his biceps. supposedly a bear gave him the scars when he fought one off a young boy. in reality, he fought a guest off one of the teenage hosts in one of his first loops, and said guest struck August down with a searing hot fire poker from his forge while the young android ran for safety. that was the first and last time Gus was ever killed during his loop, and he has rarely been updated since. TATTOOS. he has some beautifully intricate tattoo sleeves on both arms, each image representing one of his favorite western tall tales that he often retells to his forge guests (especially crowds of kids). Gus actually gave himself the tattoos to hide the scars on his arms (the ones he could reach anyway), and the westworld writers never corrected the feature since they found them aesthetically pleasing and appropriate for his host role as both a blacksmith and self-proclaimed cultural mythologist / historian of the town.  MOST NOTICEABLE FEATURE(S). we stan a sweet old android with dimples and laugh lines. and those bright eyes of his visibly twinkle when he smiles!

childhood !

PLACE OF BIRTH. Technically? The Westworld Mesa Hub. But for his written backstory, his birthplace is unknown.   HOMETOWN. Hinton, West Virginia. a small railroad and coal town that sits at the edge of the New River in the Appalachian Mountains. when Gus was a boy, the town was essentially split between “trash” and “old money”. Gus came from the run-down side of the tracks, raised as a laboring blacksmith’s son, but he had a happy childhood. FIRST WORDS. “god dammit” after hearing his father shout it when he struck his thumb with a hammer. Almanzo found it hilarious, but also spent days trying to get the baby to say something else, ANYTHING else because the town population at the time was made of a few hundred southern baptists. suffice to say, Almanzo’s efforts were fruitless, and little baby August shouted it to the world in the middle of that sunday’s church service. his hometown community loved him dearly, but he’d always been labeled a little troublemaker ever since. and he was quite the prankster in his youth. all harmless of course. Gus hardly has a cruel bone in his body, but won his peer’s attentions and affections by being a bit of a class clown. SIBLINGS. none that he knows of. PARENTS. Almanzo “Manny” Wilder. should be noted that Almanzo is not August’s biological father. Gus was dropped at the door of his forge as a baby, and the identity of August’s biological family remains a complete mystery to both him and his caretaker. Almanzo played himself off as his biological dad for some time, but once Gus shot up to be about twice his old man’s size at age fifteen, well. he kind of figured it out on his own. he never resented Manny for it, though. in his mind, he is his real father. his only father. since he was the only one who was ever there for him. PARENTAL INVOLVEMENT.  Almanzo was a very attentive surrogate father and loved Gus with everything he had. Gus always had a sharp mind and vivid imagination as a kid, and Manny told him time and time again that his brain was far too big for a place like Hinton, always urging him to apply to those fancy universities along the coast or over in England and become a novelist or engineer. August looked up to his father however, and wanted to grow up to be just like him, and therefore was not only Almanzo’s child, but also his apprentice. He stayed in Hinton until Manny died from lung cancer, and by which August was about 25 years old or so and a freshly professional smith. He took over the family business, sought to pave his own way out west, and has been tending to the needs of the people in Sweetwater ever since.

adult life !

OCCUPATION. a blacksmith and self-proclaimed “cultural mythologist”. fancy way of saying he really loves to wow kids with the tall tales of the west. CURRENT RESIDENCE. his forge that sits on the edge of town. CLOSE FRIENDS. well he spends a lot of time with his two pets, Teddy Bear and Sundance Kid. they’re about the closest friends he has. oh he cares about the other hosts of Sweetwater, dearly! and he craves human connection something fierce. but his work (and his emotional walls) keeps him a bit too busy to really... dive deep in any of those friendships. sadly. RELATIONSHIP STATUS. single, although was married to @forgedwest​ in a past loop. FINANCIAL STATUS. he’s definitely not filthy rich, but growing up poor taught him to be good with his money and while he doesn’t have a luxurious life by any means, he has all he needs. lower class but not at all bothered by it.  DRIVER’S LICENSE. N/A. CRIMINAL RECORD. a few bar fights, but he was never guilty of starting them. just ending them.  VICES. if you ask August, he’ll say he sleeps in just a little too long on Sunday mornings, rolling and smoking hashish to unwind. if you ask me, i say don’t buy him more than three amaretto sours if you wanna have a drink with him. he can generally control himself and hold his liquor, but he can get to a point where he won’t stop lmao. luckily, he’s a happy drunk. also enjoys cigars, but smokes them more for celebration of special occasions. 

sex and romance !

SEXUAL ORIENTATION. bisexual ROMANTIC ORIENTATION. biromantic  PREFERRED EMOTIONAL ROLE. submissive  |  dominant  |  switch   PREFERRED SEXUAL ROLE. Submissive  |  dominant  |  switch ( he’s primarily a service top ) LIBIDO. average, i guess? i wouldn’t say his libido is anything insane, otherwise he’d REALLY be suffering being the lonely bachelor he is lmao. but he likes sex! TURN ONS. he loves a good sense of humor and has a weak spot for well-meaning troublemakers  TURN OFFS. people who take advantage of others. that’s a broad category, but it’s a personal thing. LOVE LANGUAGE. gift-giving, physical intimacy, protection and quality time! he’s not so good at expressing his feelings with words, but you will absolutely know if he fancies you because his actions will show it. you will NEVER wonder about his intentions. the old boy wears his heart on his sleeve. RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES. despite how obviously loving he is, August has a tendency to assume people don’t want to be with him. one could argue it’s likely rooted in an abandonment issue of some kind. Almanzo was a plenty attentive and very caring dad, but the knowledge that one was orphaned and dropped off on someone’s front step is would be a little jarring when just about anyone hears it. though it’s likely less so much that, and more so how his peers in school were downright TERRIFIED him just because of his intimidating physique alone (despite his kind nature). he was taken advantage of a lot in his youth due to just how naturally people pleasing he can be to compensate for his scary appearance, and his kindness was therefore mistaken often for stupidity. its a compulsion that he’s gotten better about controlling as he grew older, and is now much more discerning re: who deserves the clothes off his back. but little insecurities regarding it remains, and as such his assumption that no one harbors affections for him has become a self-fulfilling prophecy. August is very sweet and outgoing, plenty handsome, great with kids and would make a very loving husband and lifetime best friend! but he doesn’t exactly make himself romantically available.

miscellaneous !

CHARACTER’S THEME SONG. “ take me home, country roads ” by john denver. shocker, i know. HOBBIES TO PASS TIME. he’s a blacksmith by occupation, but August can make just about anything with any material you can think of. he’s a jack of all trades type, and spends a lot of his rare spare time gardening, sketching while he’s people-watching, writing stories, blowing glass, and creating little animals and character figurines from his stories out of hide / wood/ metal. the latter are gifts that he gives to any young park guests who come to the forge. he also likes playing his guitar or banjo and singing to himself on warm summer nights. MENTAL ILLNESSES. i mean. everything truly traumatic that ever happened to him was basically wiped clean from his slate so u kno. none. for now lmfao.  PHYSICAL ILLNESSES. N/A. LEFT OR RIGHT BRAINED. right-brained, i guess. he can be plenty logical, but he’s definitely a creative type!  FEARS. there is a Vague Fear that he will die alone but it’s not pertinent enough to cause him a lot of anxiety. because he’s generally pretty independent. more so, it’s just a source of intense longing when he’s got a crush, but then he never actually acts on it. also, he’s got a bit of a fear of vulnerability. mostly because his kindness has been used against him plenty and no, it has not made him any less kind, but he doesn’t want that kindness tied into real emotional potency and then turned against him. vulnerability and intimacy also come with the pre-conceived knowledge of loss, because relationships ( be they romantic, friendships, family etc ) either end in break ups or death. and yes, it’s better to have loved and lost than never loved at all, but that doesn’t make August’s unease re: loss any less real. SELF CONFIDENCE LEVEL. hmmm. i’ll say about an 6 or 7 out of 10? he’s plenty sure of himself and his abilities, he just keeps himself humble like the well-mannered mountain boy he is. VULNERABILITIES. best way to hurt him is to strike anyone close to him. cares WAY MORE about others. though on a kind of....emotional note? personal note? idk. he’s quite aware of how he’s perceived to be a bit “simple-minded” all due to his accent. it’s something that Gus will get defensive about if you poke at him for it. not out of pride, but out of love for the people and culture from where he hails. he LOVES Appalachia deeply, and while he admires the west for all of its available adventure and promise, the people of the Blue Ridge Mountains remain the kindest he’s ever known. don’t talk bad about them, he’ll be quick to knock you into next tuesday. 

tagged by: @noiseofthunder​​ thank u grunk u always tag me in the Quality Shit (n this really helped me finally flesh some character basics out) tagging:  @forgedwest​ bc i’m the worst friend n force erin to do every dash game ever. also @copiesofme​​ @defactomatriarch​ @bountyman​ & thieves are valid.

[malakhai-ozera]

Look! It’s [ MALAKHAI “KHAI” OZERA ]. They have been living in [ NORTH ] Kingsboro for [ 6 years ]. They say the [ 26 ] year old can be [ COQUETTISH ] but also [  CHARMING ], but I just think [ HE ] looks a lot like [ ZAYN MALIK ].

tw:abuse, tw:suicide,tw:rape

Malakhai Brenan Ozera was born in Henderson, NV on November 19th 1993. When he was just 5 years old his mother Lisette and father George got a divorce and both remarried. Khai’s father who is a famous chef moved to Bradford England to pursue his career and got remarried to Shandy and they had two kids of their own 19 year old Devon and 16 year old Doniya. Khai’s mother stayed in Henderson which is right outside of the Las Vegas area with his baby sister Mackenzie and got remarried to Joe Dagher also having two kids of their own 23 year old Esmerey and 18 year old Parker.

When Khai’s parents decided to split up Khai decided to stay with his mother In Henderson which proved not to be the best choice for him. His mothers new husband Joe would beat Khai constantly and molest him on a daily basis. Khai being only 5 years old at the time was afraid to say anything, and the abuse  continued until he was 10 years old. He confronted his mother about what had been going on, but she chose not to believe him seeing how he didn’t seem to be doing the same sort of things to his 5 year old sister, Makenzie. Khai then decided at the age of 10 to move to England and live with his father in Bradford. He never really saw his father which wasn’t really a bad thing seeing how his father thought of him as a loser who was going nowhere with his life. His father wanted him to follow in his footsteps of becoming a chef, but, Khai was already too preoccupied with his own self-destruction so his father basically disowned him. He started modeling when he was just 16 years old and began to dabble in sex and drugs. Which ultimately led ro him getting kicked out onto the streets at the age of 17. When Khai was 18, he decided to move to Kingsboro, NY where he continued to model and  began working as a stripper on the side to cover his rent. Even though he inherited millions from his mothers death, he never felt right using her money. He would spend every second of everyday working for his own money and doing drugs, and he would basically ignore his current girlfriend. He started dating Ella (Ella Nazari) when he first moved to New York and they dated for two years in an open relationship. They even moved in together.  But, money, drugs, and the attention he was getting from other woman clearly clogged his judgment. Ella wanted him all to herself while being able to continue having her own fun, she was very jealous and possessive. Khai really did have strong feelings for her though, regardless of their situation and he decided he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. So he set up a romantic date for them and went to propose. Little did he know that Ella was already supposedly “engaged” to another man. She came clean to him after he proposed but Khai was pretty wrecked by this and he swore off any relationship ever again. Not that he could actually resist falling in love if the opportunity arose. Khai has always been known as kind of mysterious, and can be a real charmer when he wants to be.. Even with his introverted ways, he’s always found it fairly easy to live the life he wanted and had no regrets doing so.

Things To Know About Malakhai Ozera

•Khai was diagnosed with PTSD when he was 12 years old and bipolar disorder when he was 16.

•Khai was prescribed aderall and Elixir for his bipolar episodes. These drugs ultimately opened him up to a whole new world of addiction.

•Khai has a secret love for pain and is consistently getting tattoos. He also has a deep love for pain in the bedroom.

•After his break up with Ella, he moved out of the apartment that they shared, even though he had paid it off after the death of his mom and sister. He has been living with Jaycee and Roman ever since on the north side of town.

•Khai’s mother committed suicide in June 2017 after finding out his sister Mackenzie was also being raped and molested. Mackenzie took her own life soon after, unable to deal with the guilt. His other sister Esmerey was still currently living with his step father and going through the same ordeal before moving to Kingsboro herself.

•Khai’s mother left him all of her financial profits in her will following her death. But he still works for his money and keeps his earnings in a savings account.

•Khai’s does love to cook, even though he fails to follow in his fathers footsteps. But he has a real passion for the arts. Dancing, Singing, Drawing, Painting, ect…

Full Name: Malakhai Brenan Ozera

Nicknames: Khai

Gender: Male

Height: 5'11

Weight: 145 lbs

Eye Color: Hazel

Hair Color: Black

Birthday: November 19th 

Star Sign: Scorpio

Age: 26

Birth Place: Henderson, Nevada

Place of Residence: Kingsboro, New York

Home Town: Bradford, England

Nationality: :British, Pakistani, Irish, Asian, and American

Languages Spoken: English, Urdu, and some Urdu.

Parents: George Oden Ozera and Lisette Elizabeth Dagher.

Step Parents: Shandy Edna Ozera and Joseph Parker  Dagher.

Siblings: Deceased 18 year old sister Mackenzie Eliza Ozera and three younger half siblings. 19 year old Devon George Ozera,  16 year old Doniya Kassidy Ozera, 23 year old Esmerey Isabella Dagher, and 18 year old Parker Joseph Dagher.

Pets: A dog named Romeo and a hairless cat named Rahja.

Past Occupations: Male stripper and model

Current Occupation: Musician and Aspiring restaurant owner/Chef

Aspiration: Becoming a chef one day and possibly owning his own restaurant.

Current Relationship Status: Involved

Sexual Identity: Bisexual

Favorite Colors: Purple, Red, and Black

Favorite Cuisine: Mexican, Breakfast foods, Italian, and Chinese.

Favorite Candy: Kinder Bueno and Reese’s cups.

Favorite Alcoholic drink: Rémy Martin and Whiskey neat.

Favorite Non-Alcoholic Drink: Milkshakes and Vanilla or Caramel frappes

Favorite Genre of Music: R&B and Hip Hop

Guilty Pleasures: Smoking, Listening to 80′s music, Cooking, and Vanilla Bean Frappes.

Hobbies: Dancing, Cooking, Drawing, Playing Guitar, and Singing Karaoke.

Positive Traits: Dedicated, Loyal, Compassionate, Creative, Honest, Coquettish, Adventurous, Charming, and Charasmatic.

Negative Traits: Shy, Sarcastic, Impulsive, Introverted, Evasive, Indecisive, and Vindictive.

[longlivewadlow]

( MEGAN FOX + SHE/HER/THEY/THEM ) —  Hey, were you just talking to VANESSA WADLOW ? The TWENTY-EIGHT year old is a STRIPPER/DRUG DEALER who resides in MANHATTAN. THEY have been living in NYC for TEN YEARS, and are known to be GENEROUS and BUBBLY, but can also be CHURLISH and GREEDY.  Word on the street is they’ve got some heavy ties with THE GUERRAS so I’d steer clear if you know what’s good for you.

**TW: Nsfw content, death, disease, arachnophobia mention

First name: Vanessa

Middle name(s): Anne

Surname: Wadlow

Age: 28

Date of birth: September 30, 1992

Location: Upper Manhattan, Sugar Hill

Occupation and length of time: Stripper/drug dealer, ten years

Affiliation: Guerra

Sexuality: Bisexual

Relationship status: Single

Nationality: Southern

Languages known: English, a little Italian

Style of speaking: Mouse squeak or pterydactyl screech, there is no in between

Height: 5'2

Weight: 120 lbs

Eye color: Light blue

Hair color: Black

Build of body: Athletic

Tattoos: 14

Piercings: Ears, belly button, tongue, nipples

Typical clothing: Casual or club wear

Likes: Music, fireworks, love, spontaneity and adrenaline junkies

Dislikes: Inconveineces and not getting her way

Education: High school degree

Fears: Spiders, catching a disease, death

General attitude: Introverted neutral until she spots someone she knows

Religious values: Atheist

General intelligence: Average

General sociability: Average to below average

Illnesses (if any): None

Allergies (if any): Seasonal allergies

Sleeping habits: Anywhere between six and twelve hours a day

Energy level: Normal to high

Eating habits: Eats anything and everything in sight when she can

Memory: Poor

Any unhealthy habits: Smoking, binge drinking

Birth Country: United States

Hometown: La Vergne, Tennessee

Parents: Beverly Wadlow

Siblings: None

Peaceful or violent: Peaceful

Weapon (if applicable): Mace, tazer, hairspray and a lighter

Favorite types of food: Sushi

Favorite types of drink: Tequila, water, Sprite

Hobbies/past times: Smoking, writing, drawing, dancing, daydreaming about being dominated by Till Lindemann

Guilty pleasures: Eating california rolls and chocolate chip cookies until she’s sick, late night cruises, vodka & soda, morning sex

Quirks: ( wip. )

Pet peeves: People that are confrontational, petty fights, and being ghosted

Pets: A fourteen year old Akita named Bella

Talents: ( wip. )

Favorite colors: Black, pink

Favorite types of music

Bio: ( wip. ) Doesn’t know her birth parents, grew up in a small one bedroom home with her grandmother a few miles outside of La Vergne Tennessee, when her grandmother passed away she made the decision to move away. Taking a leap of faith, she boarded a one way flight to New York at just the tender age of eighteen. When she arrived, she took the world by storm, even though she couldn’t physically see it or even understand it. 

Present: Has been working at Show N’ Tail for three years

Strengths: Polite, friendly, tough

Weaknesses: Shy, indecisive, superficial, anxious, over thinker

Wcs: fwbs, drinking buddies, an fwb that catching feelings but then finds out she’s had feelings for them the whole time, frienemies

[coeurfroid]

( kate siegel, 37, cis female, she/her ) speaking of the bardet crime family, there goes CORDELIA BARDET. i’ve heard that the BISEXUAL SCORPIO works underground as THE BOSS, but that’s all stuff of rumors. however, the fact that they’re notoriously + STRATEGIC and + CHARISMATIC as well as - MANIPULATIVE and - RESENTFUL doesn’t bode well for their rep. eyes filled with rage, a child resting on her hip, a calm but commanding voice. 

🔍 Overview 🔎

Full Name: Cordelia Roxanne Bardet

Pronunciation: Cor-deel-ia Rox-anne Bar-det

Nickname(s): Cory, Delia, Cords

Preferred Name: Cory, Cordelia

Age: Thirty-seven

Sexuality: Bisexual

Pronouns: She / Her

Height: 5ft 6in

Weight/Build: 127lbs / athletic

Scars/Birthmarks/Distinguishing Markings: Scarred wrists from suicide attempt, birthmark on her inner right thigh, scar on her left shoulderblade from falling off a motorcycle. 

🗣️ Personality & Morals ⚖️

introvert / extrovert / ambivert risk-taker / cautious organized / disorganized close-minded / open-minded calm / anxious / restless disagreeable / agreeable / in-between patient / impatient outspoken / reserved leader / follower / flexible empathetic / un-empathetic optimistic / pessimistic / realistic traditional / modern / in-between hard-working / lazy

Moral alignment: Chaotic neutral

Guilty Pleasure(s): Violence, smoking, downing alcohol when she doesn’t have her kids, BDSM

👍 Strengths & Weaknesses 👎

Strengths/Skills: Physically fit, trained in martial arts, qualified psychologist, manipulative, critical thinker, determined

Weaknesses: Self-critical, driven by emotions, chaotic, intolerant, aggressive

Biggest Vulnerability: Being too emotionally involved with the people who were murdered

Mental Ailments: Severe anxiety and depression after Aiden’s death, PTSD

Physical Ailments: None

Addictions/Bad Habits: Nicotine / Biting her nails, overworking 

Phobias: Somniphobia, feretrophobia

🏠 Lifestyle 🏠

Birthplace: Ponchatoula, Louisiana

Current Residence: Amiens, Louisiana

Education: High school diploma, PhD in psychology 

Religion: She doesn’t believe in it

Job: Mafia boss

Hobbies: Jogging, pilates, jiu-jitsu, part-time soccer mom

📚 Backstory 📚

Childhood: Cordelia was born in Ponchatoula, Louisiana. She is the twin sister of Vincent Lockwood, but she classes him as her little brother because she was born seventeen minutes before him. They grew up very close and often communicated without words. Their parents used to be freaked out by how in tune with each other they were. Things were great for them up until they turned five, and their mother developed a mental illness called schizophrenia. Their father refused to admit that anything was wrong, which made for a very... rough childhood. Her delusions got worse and worse, and Cordelia and Vincent were unable to do anything to help. Cordelia adored her mother, and she often went along with the things she said to make her happy. She saw a lot of things that no child should see, but it never changed how she viewed her mother. 

Adolescence: When Cordelia was thirteen years old, her mother committed suicide. She blamed everyone around her for it, often lashing out at them. It was during this time that she ran away from home. Only Vincent knew where she had gone. It was during this time that she first met Aiden Bardet. He was a year older than her, but they became fast friends. They talked for hours, and he helped her with her grief. He convinced the Bardets to let her stay with them for a couple of nights until Cordelia felt calm enough to go home and face her father. When she did, she blamed him entirely for what had happened, leading to a fractured relationship with him. She never talked to him, never told him what was going on with her. He was just there. Cordelia kept up contact with Aiden, and they began dating when she was fourteen years old. They fell in love fast, and they were true teenage sweethearts. Completely consumed and wrapped up by their adoration for each other.

Young Adulthood: After graduating from high school, Cordelia decided that she wanted to study psychology. She wanted a better understanding of her mother and wanted to dissect and digest everything that had happened during her childhood. There was also the urge to help others with mental illnesses -- to save them, and their families. She moved away from Ponchatoula to Amiens to be closer to Aiden, and to study there. They moved into a cheap, crappy apartment together, but they made it work. Her father offered her money, and so did Aiden’s, but they didn’t want it. This was something that they wanted to do for themselves. Cordelia worked a job as well as studying, and Aiden worked his ass off, too. They made rent every month, and they were happy, in love, and content. This time in her life was the happiest for Cordelia, despite being tired and exhausted all the time. 

Adulthood: Just after Cordelia had turned twenty-one, Aiden was made the boss of the Bardet mafia. At first, she was frightened and didn’t want him to do it. But, after a lot of persuading and promises, she eventually came to accept it. She was surprised by the amount of money he started bringing home -- they were able to move into their own house fairly quickly. And it was a big help with her finishing up her PhD at school. They didn’t have to worry about her being able to afford her books anymore, and fees. They didn’t have to worry about the rent, and her working a job. The only downside was that it took up a lot of Aiden’s time, and the violence and shady business. Despite trying to stay away from it as best she could, Cordelia often became wrapped up in mafia business. It built up to a lot of dark feelings and thoughts, knowing what her boyfriend was doing. Hearing about people being killed, and knowing that they had families really made her second guess her life with him. After a huge fight with him over the things he was doing, Cordelia attempted to take her own life. Aiden found her, and luckily, she was saved. He got her the help that she desperately needed, knowing that it wasn’t just their fight that caused this. It was a lot of unresolved childhood trauma and grief.

Later adulthood: After getting her PhD, Aiden proposed to Cordelia. She, of course, accepted his proposal. Being the wife of a mafia boss couldn’t be as bad as it sounded. She’d learnt to accept the things he did, and ordered people to do. He was doing it to give them a better life. They got married a year after the proposal. Cordelia worked as a psychologist, and Aiden continued his job as the boss. Things worked well between them -- so well that Cordelia fell pregnant at twenty-six with their first daughter, Braelynn. Aiden was a doting father, and Cordelia was a good mother. There were fears at first, because of her own upbringing, but she found that she adapted to motherhood quite easily. At thirty-three, she fell pregnant again. Nine months later, she gave birth to their second daughter, Emersyn. After their youngest was born, Cordelia began to work from home a couple of days a week.  

Present Day: When Aiden was killed, along with Andrew, and Mr Bailey who was like a father to her, Cordelia’s life was turned upside down. She has never felt pain like it before and has no idea how to grieve or process any of it. Losing one person is bad enough, but three? Her heart literally feels like it has been shattered. The only things keeping her going are her two daughters, and her need for revenge. When Aiden was killed, she took over his spot as the boss. She didn’t even hesitate. Despite how much she disliked his job when he first took it, she wanted it. There is no other way for her to destroy those who destroyed her and her family. Too many people have been taken from her in her life, and she’s out for blood. This isn’t just about her revenge, though. She’s doing it for her daughters, too. Or at least, that’s what she tells herself. The world will be safer for them to grow up in with her in charge, running things, and ridding the place of the scum that killed their father. Cordelia is hellbent on vengeance, and she’s a nightmare. She isn’t sleeping, eating, or taking care of herself properly. There is only work for her. The girls are with their grandma most of the time because Cordelia can’t bear to face them as they look so much like Aiden and Andrew. 

💕 Wanted Relationships 💕

There’s a lot of potential for connections when it comes to Cordelia, due to her being the new boss. I’m down for most things.

                             NOTE: As always, if you wanna plot, slide into DMs.

[deserthuntress-blog]

The shadow in the alley...

RENA RAMPART

Age: 30 Birthday: Race: Miqo'te, Seeker Birth Name: Undisclosed Gender: Female Sexuality: Questionable Alighment: Chaotic Neutral Marital Status: Single

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE –––

Hair: Naturally blond, dyed jet black Eyes: Green in color, piercing and condescending in nature Height: 5' 8" Build: Fit and Athletic Distinguishing Marks: Total loss of left eye, covered by a bandage or eyepatch at all times Unusually long nails filed down into sharp points Short, messy, black hair often kept above the shoulder Variety of tattoos on her arms, back, and sides Large aetheric scar on the left side of her face Common Apperance: Rena is reclusive, typically clothed in a variety of tattered sandy robes predominantly brown, black, or tan in color. Beneath the robes, she wears simple, lightweight cloth or leather armor that minimally hinders movement. At first glance, she often appears to be one of the common rabble, especially if in a congested area.

PERSONAL –––

Profession: Void Hunter, Bounty Hunter Hobbies: Alchemy Languages: Eorzean, Amal'jaa (Loosely) Residence: Nomadic mostly in Thanalan, loosely rooted in Lavender Beds Birthplace: Sagolii Desert Religion: Agnostic Patron Deity: Unaffiliated Fears: Undisclosed

RELATIONSHIPS –––

Spouse: None Children: None Parents: ♂ Hena Tia (Deceased), ♀ M'khenna Khai (Deceased) Siblings: ♀ Amia Hena Pets: Ja'kar (Sundrake)

TRAITS –––

Extroverted / In Between / Introverted Disorganized / In Between / Organized Close Minded / In Between / Open Minded Calm / In Between / Anxious Disagreeable / In Between / Agreeable Cautious / In Between / Reckless Patient / In Between /  Inpatient Outspoken / In Between / Reserved Leader / In Between / Follower Empathetic / In Between / Apathetic Optimistic / In Between / Pessimistic Traditional / In Between / Modern Hard-working / In Between / Lazy Cultured / In Between / Uncultured Loyal / In Between / Disloyal

RP HOOKS –––

Void Hunter Her chief profession is that of an eliminator of voidsent large or small. She provides a for-hire service of dispelling such creatures, as well as general tracking and elimination of large bothersome beasts. In repentance for having shed so much blood in previous lines of work, she now declines any marks that involve targets of man unless they are agents of the void.

Coliseum Fighter Rena spent much of her adolescent years a slave fighter in the bloodsands. She had a natural talent for fighting and was able to win against larger, stronger opponents by being small, fast, and nimble. For a span of about 8 years, ending 7 years ago, she went by the name of Rena 'the Bloodfang' Rampart during her time in the Coliseum.

Ex-Mercenary After buying her freedom, Up until roughly three years ago, Rena was a sellsword who took on various bounty and treasure hunting jobs. For a time, she ran under the Ravenstar banner but worked mostly independently. Her loyalty had been seldom only to the coin, her area of expertise focused around Thanalan and its many ruins.

Kin-slayer Rena is guilty of committing patricide in revenge for a childhood of abuse of herself and sister Amia, and alleged murder of her mother, by her late father Hena Tia. Though the charge was never prosecuted, it is a weight Rena carries forever.

CONTACT INFORMATION  –––

deserthuntress.tumblr.com                                                  OrneryOrca #1292

Hello! I hail from Balmung and can be reached pretty regularly in the NA prime time, roughly 5pm -- 10pm CST. Always interested in heavy/dark themes for RP and currently looking into putting together a coven of sort for some voidsent related events. Rena is a harsh character to interact with and is very reclusive, but I’m looking to getting her out there a little more in the near future. Feel free to DM me on discord or send me a /tell in game! Please look forward to it.

[wrecktify]

*  —  task 2  —   stats —   hazel palmer  !

* — basics !

full name:   hazel lenore palmer. nickname(s):   prefers none. age:   twenty - two. date of birth:   july nineteenth. place of birth:    carina,  north carolina. gender:   cis female. pronouns:   she / her. sexual orientation:   lesbian. level of education:   high school graduate.

* — physical !

tattoos:  none. piercings:  ear lobs pierced twice.  an industrial piercing in her left ear and an orbital piercing and cartilage piercing on the right. she still wears her belly button ring as well. notable features:   athletic build, large birthmark on the bottom of her left foot. weakness(es):   tore her acl her junior year, went without surgery. scar(s):   one on her hairline.

* — domestic !

occupation:   waitress. residence:   lives in her childhood home, a duplex with her parents in delphinus heights. social class:   working class. parents:   chris palmer, 40, manager at a local grocery store and karla palmer nee coleman, 39, a sales rep for a local construction supply house. siblings:   none. extended family:   estranged from her father’s family.   was exceptionally close with her maternal grandmother,  lenore coleman,  who lived with her up until her death hazel’s senior year.

* — personality !

positive traits:   resilient,   nimble - minded,   resourceful. negative traits:   hypercritical,   isolating,   melodramatic myers-briggs ( x ):   istj,  the logistician. temperament ( x ):   melancholic. moral alignment:   neutral good. horoscope:  cancer. hogwarts house:  hufflepuff.

* — favorites !

movie:   charlie’s angels. tv show:   the x files. book:   invisible man. drink:   peach tea. food:   strawberries and cream. animal:   cats. color:   lavender. song:   purple rain by prince. artist:   janelle monae. celebrity crush:   rosario dawson.

* — impressions !

first impression:   not closed off,   but a bit spacey.   kind enough,   but there feels to be something between you and her keeping her from really engaging. self impression:   low self esteem.   she sees herself largely as a wasted opportunity.   she had more drive, once,   but now she knows she’s going through the motions. lover impression:   somewhat awkward if she’s got it really bad, a little bit clueless when it comes to flirting.

* — et cetera !

turn ons:   drive,   passion,   confidence. turn offs:   negging,   arrogance,   playing games. drink/drugs/smoke:   yes/weed/no. dominant hand:   right. clean or messy:   messy. early bird or night owl:   early bird. hobbies or special talents:   double jointed.

* — questionnaire !

01. where was your character born? what brought them to carina bay? what do they like most about the town?

hazel was born in carina bay.   her family has lived in carina for generations.   she had once dreamed of breaking the chain,   but sometimes,   shit happens.   she loves her neighborhood,   begrudgingly,   because it’s always been something of a support system for her,   but,  overtime,   that’s begun to feel like a double edged sword.

02. who are your character’s friends and family? who do they surround themselves with? who are the people your character is closest to?

she’s kept in touch with some of her high school peers that stuck around carina,   namely tyler,   hadley,   and eden.   she still considers some of those who left her friends,   like gabriel and piper,   even if things between them are a little more strained now.   her family is her parents at this point and only them.   she considers herself closer to her friends than them.

03. what is your character’s biggest fear? who have they told this to? who would they never tell this to? why?

hazel’s biggest fear is never getting out of carina and never making more of herself than a waitress.   she feels guilty,   because she knows its the town and honest work that’s kept her family afloat this long,   but she can’t help but crave more.   she’d never tell her paretns,  and generally,   she keeps it mostly to herself,   but she has divulged it to eden and maria.

04. has your character ever been in love? had a broken heart?

it broke her heart to break up with maria because,   at the end of the day,   she really did love her.   when maria made her intentions of skipping town for the city and chasing her dreams,   hazel was proud,   but on top of that,   she was jealous and resentful.   and at the end of the day,   she knew that wasn’t fair to maria.   it broke her heart to not be able to make it work.

05. your character is doing intense spring cleaning. what is easy for them to throw out? what is difficult for them to part with? why?

because she’s no stranger to financial struggles,   nothing’s really easy to throw out ----   you never know when you may need it again and who knows if you’ll be able to afford it then.    on top of that,   she’s sentimental as all be.   nothings exactly easy to part with.

06. it’s saturday at noon. what is your character doing? give details.

it’s most likely that she’s working.   she picks up weekend shifts at mira,   because what else does she have to do?   if she’s got the day off,   she’s probably loitering around the shops in town,   window shopping and waiting for something interesting to happen.

07. what is one strong memory that has stuck with your character since childhood?

she remembers nights in the winter spent baking with her mother and grandmother,   one of the few times all three generations would get along without a hitch.   everyone had a job and got damn good at it.   most of the cookies went out around the neighborhood to family friends,   which she would grow to appreciate once she was older,   but even when she was younger,   she was fond of the harmony it brought.

08. what is in your character’s refrigerator right now? on their bedroom floor? their nightstand? in their wastebasket?

her refrigerator is basic,   it’s shared by her family and contains sandwich fixings,   eggs,   condiments,   and whatever teas and juices they found on sale at the sam’s club last trip they made.   her bedroom floor is covered mostly in laundry and other various bags and shoes she’s shrugged off after work.   in her nightstand are various skin care products (  mostly home made remedies ),   birth control,  her glasses,   and a plethora of lip smackers. her wastebasket is full of cotton balls,   q-tips,   gum wrappers,   and various receipts.

09. what is something that upsets your character? where do they go when they’re upset? on the opposite end, what is something that makes them laugh out loud? where or when are they at their happiest?

hazel gets worked up over the little things sometimes.   she tries not to,   but she’s a little on edge anymore.   her favorite thing to do when she’s upset is just to go for a drive.   but usually,   she’ll go find a friend instead,   finding just the energy of being with someone she loves enough to lighten her mood.  her friends are also what bring her the most joy.   she tells herself they’re the people who make staying around carina worth it.   she’s happiest at a party with them.

10. when your character thinks of their childhood kitchen, what smell do they associate with it? why?

there were plenty of smells in the kitchen growing up,   but the one she associates most with it is the stinging scent of cleanly lemon.   her grandmother kept a meticulously clean kitchen and claimed the only way she could ever get any real cooking done was in a freshly sanitized space.   before and after she cooked,   the kitchen was slathered in lemon surface cleaner,   dish soap,  disinfectant,   you name it.

[the-theodorenott-blog]

Task 001: Questionnaire

» THE BASICS «

Full name: Theodore Isaac Nott

Meaning: Theodore is a masculine given name. It comes from the Greek name Θεόδωρος (Theodōros) meaning "god-given" (from the Greek words θεός, (theos) "god" and δώρον (dōron) "gift").

Reasoning: Theodore was named after his mother’s father, his middle name comes from his father’s father.

Pronunciation: th EE - uh - d aw r    Y z ih k   Not

Nickname(s) or alias(es): Theo, and Nott

Preferred name(s): Theodore

Label: The Loner

Date of birth: October 24th, 1980

Zodiac sign: Scorpio

Religion: Agnostic

Ethnicity: Caucasian

Nationality: British

Gender: Male

Preferred pronouns: He/Him

Sexual preference: Homosexual (Has yet to tell anyone)

Romantic preference: Homoromantic (Has yet to tell anyone)

Hometown: Oxfordshire

Resides in: Oxfordshire

Occupation: Published Author

Language(s) spoken: English

Native language: English

Marital status: Single

Political views: Doesn’t have any, steers clear of discussing that now

Financial status: Wealthy

» BACKGROUND «

Species: Human, Wizard

Birth order: Only child

Traditions/customs: Always opened one gift on Christmas Eve

Level of education: Complete Hogwarts education

How were their grades? Extremely High marks

Best childhood memory: Making the few friends he has

Worst childhood memory: Death of his mother

Experienced discipline: (Were their parents strict or lenient?) Very strict

Family’s economic status: Wealthy

Childhood career choice: Minister for Magic

School subject they excelled at: Arithmancy

School subject they had trouble with: Herbology

» APPEARANCE, VOICE, & MANNERISMS «

Looks like (or face claim): Chris Wood

Height: 6’ 0”

Shoe size: 7

Figure/build: Slim

Hair color, Natural or Dyed? Brown, Natural

Hair style/length/width: Keeps it medium length, and parts it to the left. Not long enough on the sides to cover his ears

Eye color: Green

Eyesight: Great eyesight although will sometimes wear lenses with plain glass

Teeth: Excellent teeth

Shape of face: Diamond

Body/facial hair: Used to be clean shaven, now keeps a trimmed beard. Shaves off all his body hair

Self-care: Ever since Azkaban he has taken to constantly making sure his hands are soft, and that he is clean. Is constantly making sure his eyes brows and hair are neat and trimmed.

Skin tone: Fair

Birthmarks/scars/distinguishing marks: Has a small birthmark on his inner thigh

Tattoos: None

Piercings: None

Innie or outie belly button? Innie

Dominant hand: Right

Describe their signature: Elegant, and Neat

Nail polish color: N.A.

Clothing style: Dark colors, often wears turtle necks with blazers/suit jackets. At home, he wears a long velvet dressing robe that also bears his coat of arms.

Frequently worn jewelry: A ring bearing the Coat of Arms of the Nott house on his left index finger

Describe their voice, what accent? Pitch? Strength?: He has a moderate pitch, and depending on he is with his voice can either be weak or strong. Around strangers he’s voice is more solid, and steady but with friends he is willing to give in and let them cut him off and such.

Speech style: He sounds very disinterested if he doesn’t know you, and speaks slowly this isn’t because he is, but because he doesn’t feel comfortable around new people. With people he knows and trusts he is more jovial, and willing to joke and laugh. Also he is more fast paced around those he knows when taking.

Singing voice: He’s never sang before, finding it draws too much attention to him, even when he’s alone. However, Theodore if he tried would find he’s actually quite decent.

Verbal tics: Besides his accent then none

Scent: His cologne

Posture: Straight

Gestures:  None, often keeps his hands folded on his chest.

Default facial expression: He has a serious case of resting bitch face, and can’t seem to shake it which is one reason he seems snobby and unapproachable.  

Age often mistaken for: 24

» PERSONALITY «

Personality type: ISTJ

Upon firsting meeting them: Theodore will seem cold, and arrogant just like the main belief of him is. He won’t go out of his way to try to befriend you, or the like unless something you do, or are is interesting to him.

Catchphrase(s): None

Positive traits: Loyal, Hard Working, Intelligent, Independent

Negative traits: Stand offish, loner, disconnected from people, can be stuck up

Likes: Books, Solitude, Thestrals, his friends, and being free again

Dislikes: Azkaban, Ignorant people, stupidity, people who judge him despite not knowing him

Usual mood: Neutral

Sense of humor: Very hard to bring it out, but when you do he often laughs at most jokes even if it ranges from dark jokes to light ones.

Soft spot/vulnerability: His mother, and magical creatures

Insecurities: The fact he isn’t good at being social, his awkwardness in crowds

Fears: Crowds/Groups of people, being arrested again, losing his friends

Comforts: His home, blankets, wine, friends, and Thestrals

Habits/quirks: Straightening things, checking for dust on stairwell handles

Nervous tics: Cracks his knuckles, looking at his feet, blushing, and if it’s bad enough he can stutter

Hobbies: Reading, practicing Arithmancy and potions, going for long walks.

Guilty pleasure: chocolate liquor

Desires: To be accepted back into society, and for things to just go back to how they used to be

Wishes: For his friends to be healthy and happy as well as himself.

Regrets: Being as guided through life as much as he was by his father, won’t admit to this

Secrets: His sexuality, and the memory of his mother being killed by his father

Superstitions: None

Lucky number: 74

Pet peeves: Chewing on pens and pencils, tapping pens and pencils.

Level of seriousness: 9/10

Level of independence: 10/10

» FAVORITES «

Accessory: His ring

Activity: Reading

Animal: Lionfish

Beverage: Elf Made Wine

Clothing item: His shoes

Color: Midnight Purple

Day of the week: Friday

Food: Beef in any form

Gem: Emerald

Holiday: Halloween

Ice cream flavor: Pistachio

Instrument: Piano

Mythological creature: Thestral

Number: 74

Quote/saying: “Life, for all its anguish, is ours. It belongs to no other.”

Person: His mother

Possession: A photo of his mother and him

Scenery: A forest with a light mist

Scent: Lavender

School subject: Arithmancy

Season: Fall

Quidditch team: Falmouth Falcons

Teacher: Professor Snape

Time of the day: 11 pm

Transportation: Apparition  

Weather: Rainy

Word: Doesn’t have one

Vacation destination: Doesn’t go on vacation, but if he had to pick probably visiting the Thestral Herd at Hogwarts

» HEALTH & PSYCHOLOGY «

Blood type: O

Time of birth: 12 pm

Place of birth: St. Mungo’s

Manner of birth: Theodore’s birth came right when he was predicted, and was a relatively quick and easy birth. He was small as a baby though.

Vaginal birth or cesarean section?: Vaginal

Birth weight/length: 6 Ibs and 49 cm

Sex: Male

Diet: Meat, Dairy, Fish, Fruits, and Vegetables. Occasionally Carbs

Alcohol Use: Yes

Drug Use: No

Addictions: None

Allergies: None

Body temperature: 36 degrees Celsius

Exercise habits: Theodore occasionally does sit ups, as he got into the habit of doing them to keep busy in Azkaban

Sleeping habits: Usually sleeps around 8 hrs although some nights are closer to only 4 or 5 hours

Do they get occasional checkups? Yes

Ever broken a bone? No

Hospital visits, what for? Only for check ups

Any physical ailments/illnesses/disabilities? None

Any mental illnesses/disorders? None

When were they diagnosed? N.A.

Any medication regularly taken? No

Phobia(s): Agoraphobia

Are they prone to violence? No

Enneagram Type: Type 1

Moral Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

Temperament: Melancholic

Element: Fire

Intelligence Type: Logical-Mathematical Intelligence

Approximate IQ: 128

Sociability: Introverted

Emotional Stability: Stable

» LEGAL RECORD «

Birth Name: Theodore Isaac Nott

Other legal names: N.A.

Have they ever been arrested? Yes

Ever served prison time? Yes

Do they have a criminal record? Yes

Have they committed any violent crimes? Yes, used stunning spells on several people during the Battle of Hogwarts

Property crimes? No

Other crimes? No

» CAREER & INCOME «

Primary Source of Income: His book

Secondary Source of Income: Family money gathered from over the course of time

Approximate Amount per Year: £ 60,000

Content with their job (or lack thereof)? Yes

Past job(s): N.A.

Spending habits: Horrible, always has to buy something

Dream job: Head of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures (Realizes that this dream can never be achieved)

Work ethic: Very hardworking

Feelings on their past occupation(s): N.A.

Reason for leaving past occupation(s): N.A.

Reason for their current choice of occupation: Thought it would be interesting.

How long have they been in their current occupation?:  A little less than one month

Are they well liked among their colleagues and employers? N.A.

» RESIDENCE «

Living situation: Lives alone

Good or bad neighborhood? good neighborhood

Cost/rent:  The Nott Manor has been appraise for £ 3.2 million

Home type: Large Manor Home with about 5 acres worth of grounds/gardens

How many stories? A basement/attic, along with 4 other floors

Exterior colour: Black, Gray, and green

Interior colour: Blacks, and golds

How many bedrooms? 10

How many bathrooms? 6

Any plants? Yes, there are larges hedges, and a garden

Tile, wood, or carpeting? A mixture of all three around the property

Housekeeping: All dismissed

Something they usually keep stocked in their fridge or cabinet: cheese and wine

Something they always keep next to their night stand: a book/lamp

How do their neighbors feel about them? They distance themselves

Do they hate their neighbors; if so, why? He doesn’t hate them, but he doesn’t go out of his way to be friends with them, prefers to be left alone.

Is their home haunted? Just by memories

Has there been any deaths in their home? Yes

Other: Theodore is considering selling and moving into something smaller and more appropriate for one person.

» SKILLS & ABILITIES «

Physical strength: 510

Offense: 6/10

Defense: 610

Speed: 7/10

Intelligence: 10/10

Accuracy: 8/10

Agility: 4/10

Stamina: 6/10

Teamwork: 4/10

Lying: 8/10

Sociability: 1/10

Talents: Can sing (Unknown), Can read books 1,000 + words in less than a day, excellent memory

Shortcomings: Has no social skills, is stand offish, made poor life decisions when younger

Cook? No

Bake? No

Drive? No

Swim? Yes

Play an instrument? No

Play chess? Yes

Braid hair? No

Tie a Tie? Yes

Pick a Lock? No

Shoot a gun? No

» VIEWS ON «

Life: Cherish it

Death: It is final

Love: Doesn’t know if it actually exists

Sex: Doesn’t have an opinion on it

Marriage: Doesn’t know how to feel about it

Divorce: Believes it should be an option

Family: Thinks it is the most important thing in your life.

Friends: Everyone has to have at least one, as they do have their great benefits. Despite this they are still hard to make. 

Politics: Doesn’t think about it.

Religion: Doesn’t think about it

Work: Loves to work

Money: Thinks it’s one of the best things going since it's really all he has.

Alcohol/Drug Use: Doesn’t have an opinion or judges people.

Tattoos/Piercings: Doesn’t have an opinion, thinks they look good on some people.

Swearing: Doesn’t swear but doesn’t judge others

» SEX & ROMANCE «

*optional if mun is underage or uncomfortable

Virginity? He is still a virgin

Gender preference: Men

Dominant/submissive? Depends on the person/situation

Top/bottom/versatile? Versatile

Turn-ons: Loyalty, and having a strong bond

Turn-offs: tickling, people who are overbearing or talk too much.

Major kinks: Loyalty, Being stripped, and still being treated gently.

Average kinks: Being tied up, and blindfolded

Anti-kinks: Anything that involves pain.

General libido: Virtually nonexistent

Do they have sex often? Not at all

Do they take the initiative? Never

How do they act? Shy, blushes considerably, gets nervous around people he likes. When in a relationship with someone he enjoys snuggling, or just being close and alone with them in silent. Is extremely loyal, and would never cheat.

Do they go slow or jump in? Slow

Do they act like a friend or a lover? Friend

Type of kisser: Not available, probably bad since he has never kissed anyone.

Do they like kissing in public? No

Can they commit to one person? Yes

What are they like in relationships? If he was ever in a relationship, he’d be very protective of them, letting people know if they mess with them, they’re messing with him. He would also prefer to do things like snuggle up with each other and read or just sit in silence, although he is not against chatting sometimes, although too much talking gets to him. He also however completely understands if the person wants to keep some space though, and in fact would advocate it himself. He puts complete trust in his partner, and would interrogate them if they wanted to go out without him.

Do they want kids? No

Do they want to marry? Maybe one day, but not now

How long was their longest relationship? He has never been in a relationship.

How are they in bed? Extremely inexperienced and has no idea what he is doing.

Do they get jealous easily? No

Feelings on oral? Hasn’t though about it.

» QUESTIONNAIRE «

In the ABO universe, are they an Alpha, Beta, or omega? Omega

Expensive or inexpensive tastes? Expensive

Hygienic or Unhygienic? Hygienic

Open-minded or close-minded? It depends

Optimistic or pessimistic? Pessimistic

Daredevil or cautious? Cautious

Logical or emotional? Logical

Disorderly and messy or methodical and neat? Methodical and neat

Prefers working or relaxing? Working

Confident or unsure of himself/herself/theirself? It depends on the time and situation

Generous or stingy? Used to be stingy, now generous

Polite or rude? Polite

Book smart or street smart? Book smart

Popular or loner? Loner

Leader or follower? Leader

Day or night person? Night

Cat or dog person? Cat

Closet door open or closed while sleeping? Closet door closed

Coffee or tea? Tea

Sleep or eat? Sleep

Showering in the day or night? Night

Bath or shower? Bath

Shaver or waxer? Shaver

TV or movies? TV

Iced tea or lemonade? Iced tea

Ice cream or smoothies? Ice cream

Cupcakes or cake? Neither

Beach or mountains? Mountains

Movie theater or Netflix? Netflix

Buying music or downloading illegally? Buying music

Hot chocolate or hot apple cider? Hot chocolate

Video games or computer games? Video games

Milk chocolate or dark chocolate? Milk chocolate 

Sunrise or sunset? Sunrise

Feminine or masculine? It depends upon who he is with and what the situation is

Are they a good or bad liar? Good liar

Do they have a fake I.D.? Never

How long would they survive in a zombie apocalypse? A decent amount of time

Do they travel?   No

What do they wear to bed? A light pair or pajama bottoms with nothing underneath them or nothing

On what occasions do they lie? To keep his friends safe

What is one thing they’d most like to change about themselves? His doubt in the decisions he made

How would they like to die? In his sleep and having at least passed the age of ninety

Do they snore? No

Do they chew their pens/pencils? No

Can they curl their tongue? No

Can they whistle? No

Do they believe in the supernatural? No 

Are they squeamish? It depends on what happened and how much blood or gore there is

Have they ever killed anyone? Why? How? No they have not

Have they ever seen anyone die? What happened? Yes, his mother, she died accidentally during an argument between her and Mr. Nott Sr. Theodore does not remember how she died though, having suppressed that part, and just remembers seeing her dead body.

Are they a lightweight? Yes

Do they forgive betrayal? No

Do they shower every day? No, but he does bath everyday

Most traumatic experience: Seeing his mother’s dead body

Do they wear the hood on their hoodie? Doesn’t wear hoodies

Do they use chapstick? Yes

Would they rather sleep with someone else or alone? Alone

What position do they sleep in? ( ex. stomach, side, back, etc. ) On his side

Which side of the bed do they sleep on? Whichever side happens to be closest to a window, so in his own bed on the left side.

Can they multi-task or must they focus on one subject at a time? He can multitask

If suddenly challenged, would they rather run away or stay and fight? Would fight

Do they get restless when things are too quiet or do they favour solitude and silence? Favour solitude and silence

What would completely break them? Being sent back to Azkaban and losing everything and everyone

What was the best thing in their life? His mother

What was the worst thing in their life? His father and the decisions that he led Theodore to

Do they curse often? No

» EXTRAS «

Deadly Sin: Pride

Virtue: Diligence

Celtic animal sign: Butterfly 

Chinese zodiac sign:  Monkey

Zodiac flower sign: Chrysanthemum

Native American Zodiac Sign: Snake

Zodiac gemstones: Onyx, Black Pearl, Garnet

Theme song: Der Holle Rächer, if you asked him as it is his favorite piece but truthfully it is probably this 

Song that would like to play at their funeral: Wagner’s Entry of the Gods into Valhalla

Song that is likely to be found on their music library: Anything by Wagner, Bach, Beethoven while also having the occasional Mozart piece

[rottenseoul-blog]

BIO

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♔   G E N E R A L

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⠀✘ 【 Full Name 】 ➳ 박재진: Park Jaejin| { Jia }

⠀✘ 【 Pronunciation 】 ➳  ( jay-jeen) | { G-uh }

⠀✘ 【 Name Meaning 】 ➳  在 "be at, in, on; consist in, rest" and 珍 "precious, valuable, rare".

⠀✘ 【 Birthdate 】 ➳ 3.14.93

⠀✘ 【 Birth Place 】 ➳ SNUH ( Seoul National University hospital) Jongnu-gu Seoul, South Korea.

⠀✘ 【 Current Residence 】 ➳ Yongsan-gu, Seoul, South Korea.

⠀✘ 【 Age 】 ➳ Twenty-four.

⠀✘ 【 Gender 】 ➳ Female.

⠀✘ 【 Species 】 ➳ Human.

⠀✘ 【 Nationality 】 ➳ South Korean.

⠀✘ 【 Zodiac 】 ➳  Pisces.

⠀✘ 【 Chinese Zodiac 】 ➳ Rooster.

⠀✘ 【 Blood Type 】 ➳  O positive.

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♔   A P P E A R A N C E

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⠀✘ 【 Natural Hair Color 】 ➳ Dark Brown.

⠀✘ 【 Dyed Hair Color 】 ➳ Black.

⠀✘ 【 Hair Length 】 ➳ Long, 28 cm.  /  Short 18 cm .

⠀✘ 【 Eye Color 】 ➳  Brown.

⠀✘ 【 Complexion 】 ➳ Peach, unblemished, beauty mark on the apple of her right cheek.

⠀✘ 【 Measurements 】 ➳  32-27-28.5.

⠀✘ 【 Height 】 ➳  5'4  /  162cm .

⠀✘ 【 Weight 】 ➳  100lbs  / 46kgs .

⠀✘ 【 Body type  】 ➳  Slim, pert, slender.

⠀✘ 【 Clothing 】 ➳ Minimalist chic, comfort with hints of style.

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♔   T R A I T S

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⠀✘ 【 Good Traits 】 ➳ • Passionate. • Hardworking. • Moral. • Adventurous.

⠀✘ 【 Bad Traits 】 ➳ • Apathetic. • lacking self-confidence. • Stubborn. • Brazen.

⠀✘ 【 Strange Habits 】 ➳ • Prefers cold food. • Unhealthy sleeping schedule. • Constantly fiddles with hair. • Oral fixation.

⠀✘ 【 Good Habits 】 ➳ • Will usually go out if her way to help a struggling stranger. • Very gracious and humble when performing. • Is known to be quite "Motherly" to those close to her. • Very open-minded and accepting of societal abnormalities.

⠀✘ 【 Bad Habits 】 ➳ • Prone to Self-deprecation. • Known to have varying moods and often isolates from others. • Mild addiction to Caffeine. • Afraid of most responsibility.

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♔P E R S O N A L I T Y

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Upon first encounters Jia is very proper and polite, her years of charm schools and manners give her an aura of grace and regality. Almost always having a pleasant disposition she is extremely humble. Upon first interactions, her cynicism and pessimistic nature is almost always evident. Although with those closest to her she is known to be more relaxed, often teasing and lighthearted. She very rarely shows any feelings of melancholy or sadness to people. Often isolating herself for her own benefit, thus feeling quite guilty when she reappears.

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♔   I N T E R E S T S

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⠀✘ 【 Fears 】 ➳ Driving, Fire,

⠀✘ 【 Fave. Food 】 ➳ Maeuntang.

⠀✘ 【 Least Fave. Food 】 ➳ Dakju

⠀✘ 【 Fave. Fruit 】 ➳  Apples.

⠀✘ 【 Least Fave. Fruit 】 ➳ Cantaloupe.

⠀✘ 【 Fave. Vegetable 】 ➳ Carrots.

⠀✘ 【 Least Fave. Vegetable 】 ➳ Asparagus.

⠀✘ 【 Fave. Color 】 ➳ White.

⠀✘ 【 Least Fave. Color 】 ➳ Purple.

⠀✘ 【 Fave. Music Genre 】 ➳ R&B

⠀✘ 【 Least Fave. Music Genre 】 ➳ N/A

⠀✘ 【 Fave. Animal 】 ➳ Birds of all kind.

⠀✘ 【 Least Fave. Animal 】 ➳ Snakes.

⠀✘ 【 Fave. Season(s) 】 ➳ Spring.

⠀✘ 【 Least Fave. Season(s) 】 ➳ Winter.

⠀✘ 【 Best School Subject(s) 】 ➳ Literature.

⠀✘ 【 Worst School Subject(s) 】 ➳  Science.

⠀✘ 【 Fave. Sport(s) 】 ➳ Baseball.

⠀✘ 【 Least Fave. Sport(s) 】 ➳ Soccer.

⠀✘ 【 Hobbies 】 ➳ Music composition, Oil panting, Nature walks.

⠀✘ 【 Current Obsession 】 ➳ Yamaha YPT320.

⠀✘ 【 Current Concern 】 ➳ Profession Status, Musical aspirations.

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♔   R E L A T I O N S H I P S

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⠀✘ 【 Alive Family Members 】 ➳ ⠀⠀⠀✩ Mother – Park / Jung Heejin: Jia's relationship was very strained, constantly pushing and forcing her ideals on to Jia. Jia never truly felt loved by her mother even when conforming to her mother's wishes. ⠀⠀⠀✩ Father – Park Jaebom: Jia connected with her father from a very young age, sharing an interest in painting. As she aged and his business truly excelled the two drifted apart. ⠀⠀⠀✩ Brother –  Park Jaeyoung: Her fraternal twin brother, they remain very close although they are as different as day and night the two truly love one another. ⠀⠀⠀

⠀✘ 【 Deceased Family Members 】 ➳ ⠀⠀⠀✩ Mother ✖ ⠀⠀⠀✩ Father  ✖ ⠀⠀⠀

⠀✘ 【 Best Friend(s) 】 ➳ N/A

⠀✘ 【 Friend(s) 】 ➳  Choi Kangmin (Co-worker/manager)

⠀✘ 【 Enemies 】 ➳ N/A

⠀✘ 【 Crush 】 ➳ N/A

⠀✘ 【 Past Relationships 】 ➳ Kim Jinwoo. { ex-fiancee }

⠀✘ 【 Current Relationship 】 ➳ N/A.

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♔   H E A L T H + P O W E R

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⠀✘ 【 Phobia(s) 】 ➳ Driving, Cars.

⠀✘ 【 illnesses 】 ➳ N/A

⠀✘ 【 Mental illnesses  】 ➳ PTSD, Acute Anxiety.

⠀✘ 【 Personality Disorders 】 ➳ N/A

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♔   B A C K G R O U N D

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YOUTH ______________________________________________

Jia was born Park Jae-jin, approximately two minutes after her older twin brother Jaeyoung. From a young age, Jia having been raised as a heiress maintained a full schedule with both schooling, musical lessons and etiquette.Her mother began training her to become the perfect wife at a very young age, earning Jia's resentment, as her brother was to be the sole heir and president of the Jung Corporation. Finding solace in her musical lessons Jia initially played the violin, later moving onto to the guitar and piano. Which her mother surprising supported as it her performances were shared with other influential families, thus placing her daughter before a whole sea of future suitors. Although bitter at the freedom and lax treatment of her older brother the two siblings very rarely spent time apart as young children.

ADOLESCENCE ______________________________________________

Upon entering her teen years, Jia and her brother attended different schools, remaining in Korea whereas Jaeyoung was sent abroad to boarding school. Without the elder twin around to care for, her parents often neglected Jia save for the formal or business meetings which for publicity required the three to be in each others company. Jia briefly dated a classmate, who's social standing was lower than hers. Paying the boy and erasing his families debt he soon cut off all communication with Jia. Deciding to keep a closer eye on Jia, her mother decided to end her freedom considerably hiring a team of bodyguards and chauffeurs. Even going to the lengths of paying her classmates to spy on Jia.

ADULTHOOD ______________________________________________

After graduating high school, surprisingly she was allowed to the state university while her brother attended Harvard. Focusing on a major in literature and a minor in music she focused on her studies, hoping to not only impress her parents but earn her freedom. In her second year she began a relationship, fearful of her parents meddling once more she pushed for secrecy amongst the two, but with the males, social standing being much higher now her parents pushed for the relationship, and by the end of her three years the two families had pushed for a formal engagement. Shortly after an official engagement, party and newspapers began reporting the engagement of the two socialites Jia grew disillusioned with the entirety of it all. Breaking it off with her fiancee and disappearing from her families home she was effectively cut off from her families fortune, but finally began to earn feel happiness. Finding a passion for performing and songwriting, Jia decided she wanted to become a musician. Hoping to reconcile with her family and share her goal in life she set to meet her mother and father and brother after a year of no communication. Unfortunately, the could not agree and gave her an ultimatum to which they stated they would officially disown their only daughter. The trio made their way to dinner only to collide with a freight truck killing both her mother and father along with the chauffeur. Jia retains a lot of mixed feelings as she struggles with moving forward and becoming the person she wants to be or the woman her family molded.

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♔   E X T R A S

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ • Prefers to be called Jia, as Jaejin is a masculine name, written with androgynous hangul to suit her. • While in gestation the doctors believed Jia and her brother to be male twins, thus explaining her name. • Although raised with great wealth, she prefers modesty. Choosing to live in a small apartment and known to be quite frugal although extremely rich. •Truly dislikes most alcohol although having a high tolerance. • Does not believe in true romantic love. • Known to only wear Chanel n°5.

EDUCATION: Bachelors in Korean lit.

QUIRKS: Noise scrunching, fiddling with hair.

SKILLS: Music Composition, Singing.

LIKES: Sweet coffee or tea, windy or cold weather, the water, heights.

DISLIKES: The heat, loud noises, and driving.

IDENTIFYING MARKS/SCARS: Beauty mark on the apple of her left cheek, Fading cranium scar behind her right ear.

MUSICTASTE: Acoustic, soul, r&b and some hip-hop.

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: undecided.

[seonrise-blog]

( &; development sheet.

&;  BASICS

Full Name: Christian Jun-hyuk Seon. Pronunciation: Chris-chen Joon-heyok Sun. Nickname/Alias: Chris (most commonly used), Jun, Ian (for close friends and family). Meaning: Christian comes from the name Christos, meaning “anointed” or “one of Christ.” Jun-hyuk is Sino-Korean for talented, capable, handsome (Jun) and bright, radiant, glowing (Hyuk). His last name, Seon, is the Korean variation of the Chinese character meaning “new, or fresh.” Pet Name: Ava refers to Christian as “bighead” or “fathead.” His grandmother calls him a puppy, and his father calls him sport. Gender: Cis male. Orientation: Bisexual. Birthday: July 31, 1997. Birthplace: San José, California, USA. Astrological Sign: Leo. Zodiac Sign: Year of the Water Ox.

&; APPEARANCE

Ethnicity/Nationality: Korean American. Blood Type: AB-. Preferred Hand: Ambidextrous, prefers to use his left hand for writing and his right hand for other tasks. Eye Color: Coffee brown. Hair Color: Usually has dark hair, either dark brown or black. Sometimes dyes his hair a lighter color like a strawberry blond or honey blond. Hairstyle: Lets his hair dry naturally, fringe unstyled. Skin Tone: Light golden hue, easily tanned. Complexion: Suffers from acne. Has oily skin that is currently being treated by his agency’s dermatologist. Makeup: On stage, he wears foundation and fills in his eyebrows slightly. They usually put a little bit of shadow and liner if needed. Build: Tall, muscular. Arms are veiny, arm muscles prominent. Thick thighs and broad shoulders. Baby face with a masculine body. Height: 5’10, 178cm. Weight: 155 lbs, 70kg. Shoe Size: Size 10 in Mens (US), 290 (Korea). Birthmarks/scars: Scar on his left cheek. He got the scar by running towards the jungle gym’s monkey bars and missed the monkey bars and fell onto his face. He cried for two hours. Distinguishing Features: Big eyes, big nose. Two front teeth that protrude out slightly. Tattoos: Left forearm tattoo that says “I’ll keep you safe, you keep me wild.” Right and left arm tattoos dedicated to the Sewol Ferry Tragedy. Right chest tattoo that says “Do not regret and do not surrender.” Piercings: Three lobe piercings on his left ear, lobe piercing and double helix on his right ear.

&; HEALTH

Health: Overall, he’s somewhat physically healthy. He has asthma, controlled by the asthma pump. Since it’s spring time, his asthma gets worse so he has to make sure he carries it around. He also has anemia, which makes it hard for him to do intense workouts/dance routines. Energy: He doesn’t have a lot of energy and slugs around most of the day. Which is why he could never be a full out idol trainee. His anemia also contributes to his lack of energy. Memory: He remembers everything a person tells him. Something you said last week? He remembers. What you ate for breakfast? He remembers that too. Sometimes it’s a hindrance, but he remembers a lot about his friends and family. Senses: His hearing is exceptional. He can hear you talking shit from far away. He has a good ear for music because of his hearing. He can differentiate notes and tones easily and can tell when something is off pitch, even if it’s not noticeable to others. Allergies: Allergic to certain flowers (roses, lilacs, anything really potent). Grapefruit and kiwis give him bad hives. Medication: Prozac (for depression) and over-the-counter melatonin pills (to induce sleep). Phobias: Acrophobia (fear of heights), Gephyrophobia (fear of bridges) and Aphenphosmphobia (fear of intimacy). Mental Disorders: Depression, has episodes less frequently if he takes his medicine regularly.

&; MANNERISMS 

Style: Neutral and darker tones are his favorites. Likes wearing ripped jeans, big shirts. Wears his glasses when he’s tired. Prefers to be comfortable. Grooming: Well-kept. Occasionally, he’ll look a little more rugged and unshaven. That’s only if he’s stressed out or has not had enough time to properly groom himself. Posture: Slouches, rarely sits up straight. The only time he sits properly is around his father and his father’s friends. Coordination: Physically fit, but really clumsy. Falls a lot, trips over small things. His reflexes are good when he doesn’t really pay attention. He’s more coordinated when he’s not thinking about a lot of things. Habits and Mannerisms: Tilts his head when nervous, bites of skin from his lips, cracking knuckles. Also sneezes when he gets nervous. Scent: Smells like Gucci Guilty for Men. Mood: He always seems relaxed when you talk to him. He always seems tired. Attitude: When he doesn’t really know someone, he talks to them with a lot of respect, using honorifics even if they’re younger than him. He’ll crack a few jokes to break the ice. once you get to know him, you’ll see how dumb he is. Stability: Emotionally, he isn’t as stable as he appears. There’s more than meets the eye. He hides a lot of things because he doesn’t really understand how to properly express his feelings. He helps other people emotionally, but really can’t invest in his own feelings. Expressiveness: He hides his emotions, which is one thing he learned from his father. The only time he expresses his pain or sorrow is if he’s at the point of breaking. When Happy: Hums, talks a lot, eyes glimmer and he’s usually really smiley. His dimples are prominent. He usually dances around when something good happens. When Depressed: Doesn’t talk to many people. Says he’s going to sleep but sits around until sunrise thinking about what’s wrong with him. Doesn’t pay attention to what he wears, just throws on anything he can find. When Angry: His veins are prominent, and his jaw clenches. He slams his hands into the nearest object, but then runs off so he can cool down. Hates when people intervene. Don’t touch him. Note: These are generalizations. Different situations will create different reactions.

&; FAMILY DETAILS

Current Residence: Currently living in a dorm with Ava and their manager in Gangnam, Seoul, near the Mystic89 headquarters. Family: Seon “Ronald” Jun-young, U.S. Air Force Physician (father). Born on October 23, 1970 (age 47). Kwon “Samantha” Hye-Mi, registered nurse (mother). Born on February 28, 1971 (age 47). Seon “Nicole” Bomi, younger sister. Born on November 11, 2011 (age 7). Seon “Vincent” Jun-soo, younger brother. Born on April 19, 2014 (age 4). Seon “Jennifer” Sun-mi, youngest sister. Born on December 5, 2015. Im Hye-soo (maternal grandmother). Born on May 1, 1945 (age 73). Seon Jun-ho and Kang Ji-won (paternal grandparents). Parenting: Despite the military upbringing, his family wasn’t as rigid as the stereotypes. His father was more laid back than super strict. His mother would be the one to discipline him, along with his grandmother. Household was very understanding and talked out their issues. Upbringing: His father raised him to be proud of himself and his achievements and to never let anyone tell him that his dreams were invalid. His mother pushed him to do what he loved, even if other people didn’t love it. His grandmother was the backbone in his house, and she taught him to be mannerly, and be bold without hurting other people’s feelings. Infancy: Quiet and curious as a baby. Liked to babble and escape from the crib. Would try to sing along during mass. Childhood: Reserved. Did not have many friends from the frequent moving. Super shy around classmates, rather spoke during class. His parents were worried that he got bullied, but Christian was just too scared to speak. Adolescence: Still reserved, but more willing to talk at school. Finally made some lifelong friends. Was a student athlete, and liked to write poems. Had friends in many different friend groups. Prom Prince of their school. Adulthood: He’s still quite reserved. Private about his life, and not willing to trust a lot of people like he did when he was in high school. Very independent now. Wishes to be more outgoing in the future. Coming of Age: His dad was stationed in the Middle East and he got seriously injured (ruptured spleen, broken ribs, internal bleeding) when he was a sophomore in high school. That was coincidentally the time he got scouted by JYP. He had to make a choice and he chose to be the man of the house and take care of his family before anything else.

&; OTHER RELATIONSHIPS

Friends: Usually hanging out with Moon Ava, considering they’re in a duo together. Also hangs out with their manager, Kang Kyungjoon. Enemies: None for now. He doesn’t really hate anyone. Bosses: Yoon Jong-shin is his boss. He has a fairly close relationship with him, and looks at him like another dad. Pets/Familiars: Lives with two dogs, one of his own and one being Ava’s. His dog is a Pomeranian named Podo and Ava’s dog is a Corgi named Banana. Lovers: Two past relationships. One in high school, one during his trainee period. First relationship ended because his girlfriend cheated on him with one of their mutual friends. The second one ended because his significant other couldn’t handle him being busy all the time. Marital Status: Single. Sex Life: Motherfuckin’ uhhhhh. Virginity: Motherfuckin’ uhhhhh.

&; EDUCATION

IQ: 120. Education: High school diploma. He’d like to go back to university but he really doesn’t find it necessary. It’s a conflict of interest. School: Went to Silver Creek High School. Hung out with a variety of people from different friend groups. Student athlete, played basketball all throughout high school. Grade: His grades were always good, lowest grade he got was a B+. It was a shame that he didn’t want to continue with post secondary education. Was on the NHS board as the vice president. Social Stereotype: Jock who was good at school. “Popular.” Intelligence: Musically gifted. Good with interpersonal affairs. Better at creative tasks than tasks that dealt with numbers. Extracurricular Activities: National Honor Society, Basketball team, Key Club, Drama Club, Korean Club.

&; PERSONALITY

Hobbies/Interests: Eating, sleeping, taking pictures, writing songs, playing piano, drawing and painting. He likes to read mangas and watch anime. His main hobby is annoying Ava. Skills/Talents: Sings fairly well, can dance but chooses not to perform as an idol, plays piano, guitar and the drums. He taught himself how to play piano by ear. He has a natural gift for annoying a person named Ava. Likes: Spring time, cherry blossoms, cafés, sweets, late night walks, movie nights, napping, photography, painting, going to museums Dislikes: Cold weather, sand, the dentist, long lines, kiwis, sweating a lot, sour candies, getting acne, bad skincare products, roses Sense of Humor: Sarcastic, sometimes over-the-top sense of humor. Pet Peeves: Obnoxious people, anyone who hurts his friends (especially his female friends), dealing with people who are closed-minded, sexist, and homophobic. When people are wrong but they argue that they’re right. He hates when people overanalyze something he says. Hates when people tell him he’s wrong when he clearly isn’t. Superstitions/Beliefs: Believes in ghosts and the afterlife. Quirks: Always has to sleep with something by his side, whether it be a pillow or a person. Keeps his clothes color-coded. Brushes his teeth twice a day for exactly 3 minutes to avoid going to the dentist. Closet Hobby: He has a rock collection, lol… fucking nerd... Guilty Pleasure: Watching shows like Gossip Girl, The Carrie Diaries and Pretty Little Liars. MBTI Personality Type: ESFP. Temperament: Melancholic. Enneagram: The Peacemaker.

&; FAVORITES

Favorite Colors: Navy Blue, Black, White. Favorite Animals: Dogs. Favorite Mythological Creatures: Dragon. Favorite Places: Paris, France and Osaka, Japan. Favorite Flavors: Cookies and creme, cookie dough. Favorite Foods: Honey Butter Chips, spicy rice cakes Favorite Drinks: Coffee Favorite Books: The Great Gatsby, A Thousand Splendid Suns. Favorite Movies: Up, 5cm Per Second   Favorite Games: Animal Crossing, Mario Kart, Super Mario, Yoshi’s Island Favorite Shows: Sister’s Slamdunk, Produce 101, Tokyo Ghoul Favorite Music: R&B, Acoustic, Pop Favorite Artists: Wonder Girls, Frank Ocean Favorite Songs: Nights by Frank Ocean Favorite Sports: Basketball, volleyball, soccer Favorite Subjects: English, Art, Drama, Music Favorite Numbers: 3 Favorite Websites: Twitter Favorite Words: “We brought food.” Favorite Quotations: “Don’t spit against the wind.”

&; DISLIKES

Least Favorite Colors: Bright colors. Least Favorite Animals: Sharks and snakes. Least Favorite Mythological Creatures: Unicorns. Least Favorite Places: The bathroom he got stuck in during a basketball game in junior year. Never again. Least Favorite Flavors: Mint Chocolate Chip. Least Favorite Foods: Kiwis and grapefruit. Least Favorite Drinks: Lemonade. Least Favorite Books: N/A. Least Favorite Movies: Fast and Furious 8. Least Favorite Games: Mario Kart (coincidentally). Least Favorite Shows: N/A. Least Favorite Music: American Country. Least Favorite Artist: Taylor Swift. Least Favorite Songs: Any Swift song. Least Favorite Sports: Golf. Least Favorite Subjects: Math and Physics. Least Favorite Numbers: 6 and 13. Least Favorite Websites: N/A. Least Favorite Words: “We didn’t have time to get you food.” Least Favorite Quotations: “YOLO.”