#feeling very grateful none of my roommates are here rn

[immamapletreekid]

ive only gotten through half of the episode...in 50 minutes...

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[survivingthejungle]

Never Fade Away, part v

BEFORE WE BEGIN: some thoughts.

-im really stressing out bc we’re scheduling classes fr next year and i decided to take ap spanish a year earlier than i was planning n now i CANT TAKE ART MY FAVORITE CLASS WITH MY FAVORITE TEACHER AND FAVORITE ENVIRONMENT n i’ve got a feeling i’m going to fail it but its oaky i guess u kno wat ever

-my hair is hella soft and shiny rn its RL noice thx u morrocan argan oil conditioner

-my writing is getting shittier and shittier i apologize u guys deserve better. hOWever if you’ve got something in mind for me to write hit me up bc im on a block rn with this other request i’ve had for a while now and i need to get dat creativity flowin

-a terrible boy who aint worth my time is once again ruining my life, please send help i cant keep forgiving him and being the one who ends up apologizing when ive done nothing wrong ugh fuck me

-enjoy por favor

It turned out that the event that Jerome had been so looking forward to was a charity ball for Gotham’s Children’s Hospital. About three hours before it was scheduled to begin, you were once again handed over to Barbara and Tabitha to be dolled up again. “Make sure she looks perfect,” Jerome instructed, “But not like she stands out or anything. Can’t have those GCPD bozos trying to take her away from me.” The two women voiced their understanding and kicked him out of the room, but not before he winked at you as you sat on the other side. You were sitting in the same spot you had been in the first time the two women had used you as a life-sized barbie doll. Once they got started, the entire event of getting you ready for the gala went by in a flash. Barbara did your makeup again, however this time it was much less natural-looking. Your eyeshadow was a dark pink to light pink fade, and your cheekbones were lightly contoured. Tabitha was doing your hair again as well, instead this time she kept your hair down; from what you could see in the mirror she was going for a wavy style. The dress hanging on the closet door across the room was crushed pink velvet with spaghetti straps, straight, and ball gown length. Once your face and hair was to their liking, they had you put the dress on behind a divider.

“Hang on,” Barbara said, rummaging through a drawer on the other side of the divider. She handed you something over the top; when you took it you saw it was a black choker. “Wear that. I’ll get ginger in here so we can go.”

Seconds later, she reentered the room with Jerome, whose eyes were being covered by Barbara’s hand. You’d already stepped out from the divider. She let her hand fall and his eyes landed immediately on you. “Wow,” he said in a low voice, “You look absolutely stunning, babygirl. Spectacular.“

“Thank you,” you whispered. He walked over to you, taking your hands in his. He was considerably taller than you, even despite the fact that Barbara and Tabitha had given you a pair of strappy, matte, black heels.

“We can have so much fun when we get back.” He shot his signature evil grin at you, before leading you out the door. ‘Absolutely not,’ you thought to yourself. ‘We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.’ The car ride to the event was relatively civil. You didn’t talk, which wasn’t unusual, and as much as you pushed yourself into the car door to keep distance, Jerome still managed to keep a hand on your leg the whole time. You couldn’t let it distract you, however. You were too busy formulating an escape plan in your head. ‘How will I get away from them all? Do I go straight to the police right after, do I lay low for a while instead?’

The events of the night must’ve been entertaining, you were sure, but you were too busy looking around every two seconds in search of an escape route. While Jerome and Barbera were preparing their act backstage, you were kept by Tabitha’s side the whole time. The only thing keeping you from running at every chance was the expertly hidden pocket knife she kept at your side all night. You kept silently praying someone in the crowd would recognize you and say something, but then, what would that’ve meant for the knife at your side? Escaping wasn’t going to be easy, but you would be damned if you knew you had let the opportunity for freedom pass because of a piece of metal with a point. Before the show started, Tabitha had dragged you along with her to a dark corner in an unoccupied hallway. She stood facing you and moved the pocketknife away. “Listen,” she started, “I don’t want to have to keep you locked up after tonight. Theo has something planned tonight, and I want to help you get away when it’s all over.”

Your jaw just about dropped to the floor. You were dumbstruck! “I- I don’t understand…” you stammered.

“Look, just- just hear me out.” You nodded. “If I let you escape, you have to promise you won’t tell the cops about the rest of us. Just tell them that when Jerome had you, he was alone. No accomplices. No roommates. None of us. Just him. The police tells the news what you told them, and you’ll be fine. Theo won’t try to come after you if he thinks you got him off the hook. Got it?”

“Yes.”

“Good. You’re a good kid, (y/n). You deserve to move past all this. You didn’t deserve any of it. So can I trust you not to run your mouth?”

“Of course. Thank you, Tabitha.” You meant it. You had no hard feelings towards her, or even Barbara for that matter. They were nice to you the whole time, what’s the difference if they were both a little whack? They weren’t the ones who kidnapped you or held you hostage. Tabitha was literally helping you escape. You would always be grateful for that.

She smiled. “I still have to keep this on you though,” she motioned to the knife. “For the sake of convincing Theo I’m not planning anything.” You could understand that. Once you reached your table. You did your best to hide your face from the rest of the crowd. You didn’t want someone spotting you now and ruining your whole plan, that would just end badly.

The events of the night flew by, up until when Jerome highjacked the magician’s bit and started killing people. Some in the crowd had escaped, but the majority of them, like you, were not as fortunate. Then, of course, there were the bits where GCPD detective, Jim Gordon, tried to intervene (if only for a minute or so), and when Jerome tried to kill Bruce Wayne, but none of that was as shocking as what happened next.

Theo Galavan, his mentor and leader, betrayed his trust and murdered him on the stage. You couldn’t help but react a bit shocked- despite what he had put you through, a stab to the throat seemed to be a very unleasant way to go. As soon as the knife was lodged in his neck and Barbara had escaped, everyone at the gala immediately fled, seemingly afraid that something worse was coming if they stayed there any longer. Tabitha did her best to guide you away from Theo’s view, pushing you into the crowd so you could blend in. You turned around and your sight of her was lost; maybe in order to help you gain some escape time against her brother.

When the cool, refreshing night air hit your face, you cried. You immediately started searching for the police when a strong hand came down on your shoulder. Your head snapped around to find the source, and you found yourself in front of a man wearing a GCPD badge. “Oh my God. (y/n) (y/ln)?” The man asked you.

As much as you had been crying before, you were full out sobbing now. “Yes,” you choked out, nodding your head. You weren’t sure how to respond to the situation at hand. Your captor was dead, you were free, standing next to one of the only people who had any control over the madness of that God-forsaken city, and you were alive. You barely knew what to say next, so you said the first thing you thought of. “I wanna go home,” you cried.

The ride back to the GCPD precinct was quiet, but you didn’t mind. The detective, who actually ended up being the infamous Jim Gordon, had given you a blanket before putting you in the car and calling your family to let them know that you’d been found, and you were alive and unharmed. Before being allowed to go back home, you had to be taken in to give an official statement. When you arrived, you had been given a change of clothes- a t-shirt and some sweatpants- and a big mug of coffee, your blanket still hanging around your shoulders. You were sat down on the other side of Gordon’s desk when the official recording started. “Just say what happened.”

“Um, well Jerome, he- I was walking home from school on the day that I was taken and he kidnapped me then- it was just him, I never saw anyone else. And he kept me locked up-he never did anything to me, just talked, but I think he must’ve had an obsession.”

Gordon interrupted. “Why do you say that?”

“He- he always kept talking about how he thought I was ‘his’ like he- like he owned me, or something… he liked pet names a lot. And then tonight, he brought me to the gala, he said he wanted to ‘show me off’, or something dumb like that. The only reason I didn’t run during was because he said if I tried anything, he’d kill my family, that he had them tied up somewhere. So I stayed where I was until that man killed him. Then I ran.”

He switched off the tape recorder. “Thanks for cooperating. Your family is on their way.” He stood up to go finish his work. “And, (y/n)-” he stopped to face you. “I’m really sorry about what happened to you. You seem like a good kid. You didn’t deserve any of that. I'll have one of the guys escort you and your family home. And-... I'd recommend group therapy... or something like that. To help you cope.”

“Thank you. For everything. And... I'm sure my parents will be on board with that. ”

The reunion with your family was full of tears and hugs. Your parents had bags under their eyes, they looked like that hadn’t slept in weeks. You embraced each other in the steps of the precinct, falling to your knees. You couldn't tell how long you all had been like that, but eventually you were led back to your home by one of the officers. The night was indescribably emotional and full of tears.

Your story was on the news for a week or so, and afterwards, it faded into the background. The only reason it was such a popular story was because of the fact that Jerome was involved. There were hundreds of kidnappings every week in Gotham, and most of them went unnoticed by the media. But they had a field day with you. Apparently during his raid of the GCPD, he mentioned how he was the one who had taken you, and that's why the police were in such a hurry to find you.

Your parents signed you into a hospital 3 weeks later. You had been mostly back to normal since you had been recovered, so they weren't expecting your sudden mental breakdown at all. The full weight of your trauma hadn't hit until then, and then suddenly it came crashing all at once. It started with you having random outbursts or crying here and there, but then your handle over the situation deteriorated. Next, you stopped eating. You couldn't risk it without being sick. Then, you stopped leaving your room. This went on for a few weeks until one day, you passed out on the stairs.

You had never really been a depressed kid before, so this was alarming to your family. Your time spent in theater had molded you into an extroverted, generally happy, and energetic person. When the light disappeared from your eyes and smile and were replaced by hollow, sunken cheeks and dark circles around your eyes, you all knew something was wrong. The doctors diagnosed PTSD and recommended 2 weeks in the hospital for your recovery.

You had lots of visitors, and that made you happy, but you could no longer express that happiness. You were put on mild medication, which helped, and you started feeling better as time went by. Most of your visitors were friends and family, but sometimes other people would come. Most of the time, they were Jerome fanatics. There must've been a cult of them or something, because every time it was a different person or group of people. They idolized him, and, by association, you. They saw Jerome as a messiah and you as his 'chosen one'. They always tried to get you to tell them about him, and at first you did.

"Well, he's... extravagant, for sure," you'd say. "He never hurt me, necessarily, but I mean, he killed people. He was a bad dude. I'm glad he's gone." This, of course, upset them. They were convinced he was just a rebel against authority and believed he could do no wrong, which is why you requested they stop being allowed to visit. This didn't mean the cult stopped keeping tabs on you, however. It just meant they had to keep their distance in order to keep you in their plans to resurrect Jerome and reunite him with you.

-THat was a shit cut off point i know and i'm sorry, im just tired and this took a long time

-j man will be back in the next installment of this series so don't worry ya lil brains

-PLEASE REQUEST STFF IM SO BORED AND NEVER BUSY AT ALL AND I NEED TO START BEING CREATIVE AND WRITING AGAIN

-my art class sketchbook is looking killer im so proud of her she's beautiful and if u want to see any of the works in here let me know i want to share ehr with you all

-my depression has been pretty subsided lately and that makes me super happy!! i mean like i still never do shit anyways but like at least im starting to be less sad about it i guess

WELL THERE U HAVE IT THATS AL L FOR TONIGHT FRIENDS

[shushthisaintmytumbla]

6/8/2021 Life Update!!!

Omg I cannot believe it has been 8 freaking months since the last time i wrote here. SO MUCH has changed its insane. JK not really, but the good news is covid is basically over!!!!!!! I got a vaccine back in March and so did my fam so I have been livvinnnn way more than the last time we spoke. I almost teared up reading back on the last life update to see strong I was at that time and how much I’ve been able to hold onto those values of self worth and confidence to this day. As much as 2020 SUCKED... so much personal growth came from it that I truly don't know if I would've had if it weren't for life slowing down, working from home, and being able to really focus on myself. 

I guess to reflect on some of the past 8 months... that boy i mentioned i was talking to but wasn't sure about hmm idk how to explain it but I definitely never felt a spark.. we hung quite a few times, but everything felt very structured and I don't know if it was because of the state of the world or if I just wasn't really into it. But I must say im really grateful to have met him and I still talk to him every now and then to this day. I think he's a really sweet human and someone I want in my life as a friend. He moved to NYC so who knows maybe ill see him over there ;)

Since were on the boy update, I’ve recently went on a couple dates with 2 different guys both super sweet but idk im not seeking something and its definitely difficult to try to date while still living in OP. I hate keeping secrets, but I HATE the idea of telling my parents about a date lol 

Work has pretty much remained the same buuuut about a month after my last post i really stuck to my gun about wanting something new and exciting and I got a job as an assistant to an influencer. It has been a really fun experience getting to learn more about the business side of things and I can definitely see my career shifting in that direction if I want out of the music biz. My boss boss recently just left the company so things are starting to pick up more with work which could affect this influencer role. Im just gonna let my real job play out and see where things go. We were told a return to office date in Sept. which I am very very scared about. I DO NOT want to go back to an office. As much as I love socializing, I LOVE the flexibility and freedom of WFH. It is definitely a HUGE reason why I have been able to stay so fit the past year and a half. I’m really scared about going back to a 9-5 office life and lose this motivation I have rn for fitness. 

As far as the future, I am SO confused on where I am headed which is really scary but I guess exciting too. I have not given up my hopes of moving to NYC. It is literally all I think about most days. I know my parents would be super bummed for me to move away, but at this point i have no desire to be back in LA. I would have no one I really care to live with here since everyone else kind of is moving out with others or have different plans. I really just think I need change after a year of so much stillness. I crave a new city, making new friends, and making a new version of myself or I guess just building off of this new found appreciation I have for my self. Moving across the country sounds very scary to me, but I know I need to do it. Im dead set on the idea. I just need to find a job and a place to live there lol. I do have some leads on roommates (Molly and then maybe this girl I met from Molly in Prague). The issue with it is i don't think they'd move till Feb 2022, which seems like FOREVER AWAY.

Living at home makes me feel like my life is on pause. I don't feel like I can grow or become my own person while under my parents roof. Also, since the last time we’ve chatted here, a lot of family dynamic has changed. Im not gonna spill the tea here bc its really deep and personal and thats a lot for saying on a platform where im fine writing EVEERYTHING. Its just something i can't come to terms with opening up about to anyone, but lets just say I need distance and to create my own future. 

As far as life, I have been able to travel a lot more in the past few months. In the beginning of May I spent 2 weeks in Hawaii with Mckay, her friend Mara, Cassidy, and Mara’s friend Daron. It was SO fun. The most fun I’ve had in a while. It was my first time on a plane in so long and it felt soooo good to be away. I also have travelled to Phoenix/Scottsdale AZ a couple times with Fiona and that was so fun. I am weirdly obsessed with AZ now I could also see myself living there if it weren't so damn hot and if i knew some more people. Traveling again fills me with so much joy. I have some other fun trips coming up like Glacier National park with my family, another trip to AZ (lol told you im obsessed) for my birthday weekend, and I even purchased CONCERT TICKETS for Kygo in sept. wow I can't wait for my first concert back. oh wait i also have Harry in AUGUST fuck ya life is getting good again.

I’m really not sure what the new few months holds for me with work, friends, relationships, where I will end up, etc. which really scares me and I don't know why. I usually like having things figured out and a game plan and I legit have none. If you ask me now my hope is to get out by late aug/sept. I have some plans through then, so after that I really want to dig into my escape to NYC. Covid kinda fucked up life threw me around and is now spitting me back into a place where i don't know where to go or when to make the next move. I feel at a weird place with my friendships. Obviously I love my friends, but everyone is kinda starting to do their own thing, focus on themselves, and go on their own necessary path, and that is why I am so motivated to make my own. I have been manifesting a move to New York for almost a year now lol so CASE the next time we meet here you better have a fricken plan to get your butt to New York. Do it for yourself. Do it and don't look back. Change will be good and necessary. YOU GOT THIS.

Talk soon x

Casey