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#feeling very anxious and bad at social interactions tonight
piedoesnotequalpi · 6 months
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Shout-out to 92sies Medda for attempting to punch a cop
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fruit-teeth · 2 years
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I had a bit of a breakthrough tonight while I was sobbing in my room and I feel compelled to share it for some reason so here I go
Lately I’ve been dealing a lot with trust issues. Specifically: I’m socially anxious and I have very few irl friends (and online friends for that matter, I’m socially anxious on here too), but a big part of that is that I tend to instantly assume that people either a) don’t like me, b) like me at first, but then realize I’m annoying and decide to stop talking to me or c) will end up hurting me in some way if I get too close to them. These fears of mine are, as I’ve come to realize, a reflection of things that actually did occur during my life.
I had a friend who I thought of as my best friend for many, many years, only to have her randomly stop talking to me and join a completely different friend group. The last time I saw her, she barely said hello to me and acted like I was just an acquaintance. That encounter upset me so badly that I remember hiding in the bathroom and trying not to cry because I was so heartbroken. Even though it’s been years since then (this happened my senior year of high school and I’m an adult now), it led to a spiral of shame, anger, and resentment that eventually led to me deciding I would never call someone my best friend again. Not only that, but that same year, I had my high school graduation party, and I’m not even exaggerating when I say that NONE, and I mean NONE of my friends or really even any of my classmates showed up. I felt extremely betrayed by this, even more so when one those friends expected me to show up to HER party (allegedly she’d had to cover a shift for a coworker at her job at the last minute, which is why she didn’t show, but I still doubt the validity of this). These weren’t the only instances, make no mistake - I’ve had other friends that mocked my interests, and even one that turned out to be a straight-up bully towards me. She made fun of me for liking My Little Pony, and there was even a horrifying moment where she mockingly imitated one of my stims as a way of ‘teasing’ me. High school was tough on its own, but a bad system of friends made it even harder than it ever needed to be.
It’s been years since then, sure, but this has really destroyed my confidence when it’s come to making and keeping friends. I worry constantly if maybe my old friends thought I was annoying and that’s why I was so easy to cast aside like nothing, so now when I get into new friendships, I hide my true personality because I’m terrified they’ll see the real me and think it’s annoying or weird. At the same time, though, when someone is being nice to me and genuinely wants to hang out with me, I always think to myself “this has to be a trap or something, this is too good to be true”. I have a very small circle of friends now, both online and in person, but even with those friends I worry that when they see me or think about me they think to themselves “oh god not Mara again”. This leads to me being very distant, which also causes these friendships to dissipate sometimes. Social interaction is already confusing sometimes thanks to being autistic, but it’s made even worse thanks to the history I have with making and keeping friends.
I started thinking over these things today and remembering all the pain, the anger, everything, and I started feeling really hopeless. I started to feel like I was going to be alone forever, because I couldn’t trust anyone to not secretly hate me or leave me when I wasn’t convenient for them anymore. But it was during this that I suddenly remembered a comment my dad had made a couple years ago: “you don’t remember every time you ate a decent apple, but you certainly remember the times you bit into rotten ones”.
And…yeah. I don’t think about all the times people were kind to me, or the times people were gentle and said nice things to me. When I think about friendships or people in general, I tend to ruminate on all the things that have gone wrong, the times I was ignored or criticized, the moments I realized someone didn’t actually care about me. This realization broke me, though I can’t really hate myself for it. My brain is trying to protect me from future heartbreak by convincing me that there’s no point in maintaining those relationships, that my heart will just get stepped on again. That’s why the negative experiences get amplified while the positive ones fall to the wayside, it’s a method of protection. But it’s a rock and a hard place - either I open myself up to trusting again and get hurt, or I keep closing myself off and hurt myself by isolating from everyone. There’s no way to truly avoid or anticipate pain, though - we can only cope with it when it happens. That’s at least one thing I’ve fully realized lately, and it was NOT an easy conclusion to come to.
The times my old friends abandoned me, mistreated me, or shattered my heart will forever live in my memory. But the times my current friends have said kind things to me, hugged me when they were happy to see me, shared their happy moments and interests with me, even told me they loved me…those are things I can’t let myself forget. Even if my brain is trying desperately to protect me from feeling pain, I know now just how important it is to counteract those anxious thoughts with the memories of what it’s like to be loved and appreciated, because that’s one thing I don’t think anyone should ever forget.
So…I guess I’m sharing this because I think I’m not the only one dealing with this. I know how difficult it is to make friends and to open yourself up to trusting others after you’ve experienced pain, but I think finding people you can trust and who will love you for you can feel very worth it once it happens. Sorry I’m not making sense because it’s very late and I need to go to sleep but I hope you understand me
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leossmoonn · 3 years
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matt hearing your heart beat like crazy during normal interactions and realizing you have some social anxiety so he starts taking on more conversations so you don't get worked up
Yes <3
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At first he thinks you’re nervous bc you’re around him. Cocky little mf lol. But then he really listens in and discovers you’re actually not nervous bc you’re with him, but you’re a nervous wreck bc of the party you’re at.
You were Matt’s plus one to this work thing. You had never been a very social person. It takes you a while to trust people, hence why most of your friends have been with you since forever. It also takes you a little bit to warm up to people, too. You’re always a blubbering mess and your brain just kinda shuts down and you suck at talking (same lmao). And god you get so sweaty and your throat gets dry. Tbh sometimes you opt out of social gathering just because the thought of having to talk to new people gets you anxious. But of course, this work party was important to Matt, so you had to show up. And you wanted to anyways, but just the thought of talking to random people was off putting
You and Matt are talking to one of the owners of this law firm in Queens. You try to stay out of the conversation as best as you can, but the guy just won’t stop including you and plus Matt is so busy flaunting you off (as he should but it really doesn’t make your anxiety better). Matt’s like “yeah Y/n has her own restaurant! Tell him about it, sweetheart.”
And while you absolutely love promoting your restaurant, you would rather do it when you have a whole speech prepared. But alas, you don’t have that. You start playing with your bracelet and you look to Matt, your throat becoming dry. At first matt thinks you’re getting a little nervous bc you’re next to him and obvs he looks gorgeous (he does tho. Him in a tux 😮‍💨😮‍💨). But then as you start to speak and it all comes out in jumbles, he realizes you’re nervous.
So he slips his arm around your waist, comfortingly squeezing your side.
“Yeah, m-my restaurant is great. I at least think so. Um, we serve lots of different foods. L-like steak and um… cake,” you stammer. You feel dizzy and like you’re about to faint. And the guy you’re talking to literallt is holding the most intense eye contact with you.
“Oh, what kind of cake?” The guy asks.
“U-Um… well, there’s c-carrot and —”
Matt politely interjects. “There’s a great variety. You should come down and try some time. Y/n will give you a discount since we know you.”
You laugh awkwardly, leaning into Matt as a thank you for saving you. “I-I would love to give you a discount.”
“My wife and I would love to eat there!“ the guy smiles.
Matt then excuses you two and walks you to the bar and gets you some water.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were so nervous tonight,” Matt says. “It’s okay,” you practically chug the water. “I don’t like talking strangers is all.”
Matt nods, “I’ll talk more, how about that?”
“Yeah, okay. Thank you.”
“Of course.”
And then you get all embarrassed bc you’re a grown woman and you feel bad Matt has to take the lead. “I’m sorry for being like this. I don’t know why I get so nervous. It’s always been a problem as a kid. I hate job interviews and I hate talking to random people. And I hate being at big social gatherings.”
“Don’t apologize, sweetheart, please. It’s okay, trust me. I’m not mad and please don’t feel bad for feeling anxious. Social anxiety is perfectly normal. But would you like to go home? I don’t want to keep you here,” he says, slipping his hand into yours.
You shake your head. “No. I’m okay. Just please don’t leave my side? I don’t know anyone here.”
He leans in and kisses your forehead. “I’ll never leave, I promise.”
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cloudybarnes · 3 years
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the reveal
Pairing: peter parker x bestfriend!reader
Summary: after years of being friends, y/n wants to tell peter just how she feels. the night she decides to tell him, she walks in on him in his spider-man suit and suddenly second guesses if it’s the right time
Word Count: 2.7k+
Warnings: one curse word 
A/N: added in some platonic interactions with ned and y/n cause why not :)
Masterlist
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✰  ✰  ✰ 
“I think I just failed our math test.” You huffed as you dropped your lunch tray onto the table. 
Peter and Ned left an open spot between them for you to squeeze into. 
“Honestly, I don’t see how you could have failed this test, (Y/N).” Peter chuckled.
“Yeah,” Ned agreed, “if you think you failed this test, then I don’t even want to know what I got.”
That made you laugh. “Okay, maybe not failed, but definitely not my best. I feel like I know what we’re learning, but it’s hard to do on paper, you know?”
Peter nodded his head. 
“Whatever,” you chuckled, “let’s talk about something else. What are we doing after school?”
Peter whipped his head to you, “we had after school plans?”
“Well not exactly, but it’s Friday so I thought we could do something fun.”
Ned agreed, “Yeah, plus we haven’t all hung out in a while.”
Peter sighed, “Guys, I have that Stark thing tonight remember? I can’t just abandon my internship.”
You pout and poke Peter’s arm, “but all you ever do now is go to your internship. It’s like Ned and I don’t even see you anymore, Pete.”
“She’s right. You were so busy last weekend, (Y/N) and I had to go to the opening of her sister’s dance recital all by ourselves.”
“I mean, I understand why he didn’t want to go to that one. It was a nightmare.” You chuckled. 
Peter sighed, “Listen, I’m really sorry I’ve missed a lot. I’ll make it up to you guys, I promise.”
“So... tonight?” You asked hopefully. “I swear, we will make it worth the time of the all mighty Peter Parker.” You teased as you bumped your shoulder with Peter’s.
He nervously chuckled, “Y-yeah! Okay, um, yeah, tonight.”
You giggled, noticing a new warmth to his cheeks. “So, what time do you get done?”
“Get done?” He repeated.
“You know, your internship.” Ned reminded him.
Peter gasped, “Oh, right! Right, my internship. Um, actually it might be late, are you sure you want to do it tonight?”
You shrugged, “It’s the weekend, I’m sure my parents won’t mind. Please Peter, we haven’t hung out in forever! The internship is eating up your social life!” You chuckled.
Ned gasped, “oh my god, we should totally have a sleepover at Peter’s tonight! I can bring some comics and movies for us.”
You cheered, “Yes! That would be so fun!” You noticed Peter looked a little awkward from the conversation. “Unless, you just don’t want to hang out, which is totally okay! Ned and I could always ju-”
“No!” Peter yelled.
He looked around the cafeteria, embarrassed. He cleared his throat. “I-I mean, no, I do want to hang out with you guys tonight. I think I should be getting back around ten, so you guys can come to my place.”
Ned gasped, “Peter, you work that late and you’re not even getting paid?”
He chuckled nervously, “well, yeah. I just really like working for Mr. Stark, so I don’t mind it.” Peter wiggled around awkwardly, almost like he didn’t know what to do with himself.
Peter’s hand rested on his leg, and you placed yours on top of his. He looked up at you, eyes wide and lips slightly parted. 
You gave his hand a squeeze. “Peter, you’re my best friend. I can see how you’re acting right now. If you don’t want to hang out tonight, that’s totally understandable. We get how important this is to you, and we wouldn’t want to get in the way of your opportunity.”
Peter’s face softened into one with a smile. He squeezed your hand back, “thanks (Y/N), that means a lot. I do want to hang out with you guys, though. We’re going to have a sleepover at my place tonight, and it’ll be fun. I promise.”
Peter cleared his throat, and stood up. “I’ll be right back, I’m just going to use the bathroom real quick.”
Once Peter left, Ned started to chuckle. 
You turned to him and smiled, “what’s so funny?”
“What’s funny is how obvious it is that you have a thing for Peter.”
You giggled, “come on Ned, no I don’t.”
Ned shook his head and grinned at you, “I know you do; I just know these things. The way the two of you look at each other is like you’re in some rom com.”
You groan, “okay fine, I do like Peter. And I’m only telling you this because your my best friend, not because I want you to tell him!”
Ned scoffed, “please, of course I’m not going to tell Peter. You should be the one to do it.”
You smiled and lightly pushed his shoulder with your own. “Thanks, Ned. Also, don’t make anything awkward now that you know, okay? Peter will definitely know something is up.”
Ned made an ‘x’ over his chest. “Cross my heart!”
You look away from Ned just in time to see Peter walking back into the cafeteria. He takes his seat next to you and gives you a smile.
“Oh Peter!” Ned said, “I forgot that I have plans tonight already. My mom wanted me to try out this new yoga video with her. She thinks it’ll be a nice way to relax and release tension.”
“Oh, that’s okay.” Peter nodded, “we can always hang out some other time.”
“Oh!” Ned gasped, “Well, (Y/N)’s still free tonight. The two of you can have that sleepover still. I’ll lend you my comics.”
“Yeah! That-that sounds cool.” Peter looked at you and smiled, “I’m down if you are.”
You grinned, “Totally! I’ll never turn down the chance to hang out with you.”
Peter blushed at that. 
You smiled at Ned, “Sorry you can’t come! We’ll miss you tonight.” You winked.
Ned chuckled a little, “It’s okay, there’s always next time.”
The bell that signaled lunch was over rang. The three of you stood up.
“Okay, well I’ll talk to you guys later!” You smiled. “See you tonight, Peter.”
He shyly smiled, “yeah, see you tonight.”
✰  ✰  ✰
“I think I’m going to do it tonight.”
School had finished without any excitement other than yours for tonight. You had already eaten dinner, and as the time drew closer to ten, you grew anxious.
You were dramatically sprawled out on your bed, with your phone on FaceTime with Ned. 
His eyes got wide, “Oh. My. God. You’re crazy.”
You quickly sat up, worried now. “Is that actually crazy? Cause I don’t have to; I mean, it might make things weird.”
Ned chuckled. “No, I meant like, crazy as in you’re a bad-ass. I think tonight is the perfect opportunity to tell Peter you like him; and I’m not just saying that because I gave up spending time with you guys so this could happen.”
You rolled your eyes and stood up, walking over to your closet. “I think I’m just going to wear some sweatpants and a comfy top since it’s supposed to be a sleepover. Or do you think I should wear something nicer since I’m going to be telling him I like him?”
Ned shakes his head. “Definitely the sweatpants. If he doesn’t like you in your comfy look, he doesn’t deserve you in your dazzling look.”
You giggled, “you’re right, thanks Ned.”
“I’m here to help. Let me know how things go between you two. I think things will work out like you want.”
You smiled, “I’ll call you tomorrow! Bye, Ned.”
“See ya.”
You hung up the phone, and put your comfortable clothes on. Your bag was already packed with your overnight gear all ready to go.
You picked it up, and slung the bag over your shoulder.
“Mom, dad! I’m headed out to Peter’s now, love you!”
You parents said their goodbye’s, and you were on your way to Peter’s.
The trip was very short; Peter and you lived only a short distance from one another.
Once you were at his front door, you knocked and were greeted by his Aunt May.
“(Y/N)! Oh my gosh, it’s been too long since you’ve been over!” She grinned, pulling you into a tight hug.
Since you and Peter were always so close, May thought of you as a daughter.
“Hi May! It’s great to see you again. Is Peter back from his internship yet? I know I’m a few minutes early.”
She ushered you inside and shut the door. “No, I don’t think Peter’s back yet. I just got out of the shower so he may have snuck in while I was in there. You can wait in his room if you’d like, Peter won’t mind.”
You smiled, “Okay, thank you May.”
You started to walk down the hall into Peter’s room before May stopped you.”Oh, and (Y/N)?”
You turned around, “yeah?”
May softly smiled at you, “don’t be nervous, dear. I’m sure things will work out.”
You lightly laughed, “how did you know?”
She just shrugged with a playful smile.
You grinned, “I’ll try my best, May. Wish me luck!”
You turned back, and headed for Peter’s room.
In your mind, you were trying to plan out exactly what you were going to say to him, and when. You were thinking about waiting a little bit before dumping all of your emotions onto him. Or you’d do it as soon as you saw him just to get it off your chest once and for all.
As you pushed Peter’s bedroom door open, you saw something you never thought you’d witness. Peter was standing, back towards you in the Spider-Man suit. 
When he heard his door creak open, Peter rapidly spun around. His eyes were wide, and his mouth agape. He looked scared and extremely caught off guard that you had just seen him in his outfit.
“Oh, my god.” Is all you could manage.
You stared at Peter with the widest eyes he’d ever seen. Your mouth gobbled open and shut like a fish out of water; you couldn’t find any words to say to him.
He rushed over and pulled you into his room, frantically shutting the door behind you.
“(Y/N)! I didn’t expect you to be here so early.” Peter’s heart was racing. “It’s not what it looks like, I promise.”
You lightly shook your head, “I think it’s exactly what it looks like.” 
You walked around him in a circle like a vulture stalking its prey. “You’re Spider-Man, aren’t you?”
Peter’s mouth opened, then shut as soon as it did, trying to come up with a response to you. When he couldn’t think of anything, he sighed. “Yeah, I’m Spider-Man.”
You gasped. Peter honestly could have told you he was just playing dress up as Spider-Man and you would have believed him, but here he is admitting to being the superhero that had been around the city.
“That is so crazy, Peter!” You grinned. “Oh, my god, I’m friends with Spider-Man!” 
Your face fell, “oh, my god, I’m friends with Spider-Man.” Oh, no. Why did Peter have to reveal himself as Spider-Man tonight of all nights! 
You were freaking out, now. You didn’t want Peter to think you only liked him now that you knew he was Spider-Man! You wanted him to know you liked him for himself, as Peter.
“(Y/N)? Are you alright? I know this can be a lot to take in, but I need you to listen to me.” His eyes were desperate as he tried to talk to you.
You nodded your head and gave him your full attention. “Yeah, I’m okay. Sorry, this just caught me off guard is all.”
He nodded his head, and placed a hand on your shoulder. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to tell anyone, especially not like this.”
“So I’m the only one that knows?”
“Well, Mr. Stark knows cause he’s the one that gave me this upgraded suit, but yeah. You’re the only other one.”
“Oh, man. This is crazy.”
“You can’t tell anyone, (Y/N), please. If people find out, things will change for me, and I like my life how it is. I didn’t want to tell anyone because the more people that know, the more people there are that could be in danger.”
You nodded your head, and smiled at him, “Don’t worry, Pete, your secret is safe with me.”
Peter let out a relieved sigh, “I knew I could trust you. Sorry you had to find out this way, though.”
Peter presses a button on his chest that released his suit, leaving him in only his boxers.
You face heated up as you scanned you eyes over his toned chest. “Oh my god.” You quickly spun around to not face him once you realized what you were doing.”
Peter’s cheeks were hot as well. “Sorry, I wasn’t thinking when I did that.”
You heard some shuffling around as Peter got changed. 
“You can turn around now.”
You do, and see that Peter is in sweatpants and a sweatshirt with his suit hung up in his closet.
He sat on his bed, and motioned you to sit as well.
You do so, and play with your fingers a little bit, now uncertain if it’s a good time to tell him how you feel. 
“Hey,” Peter said as he grabbed you hand, stopping your nervous fiddling, “talk to me. I don’t know what’s going on in your head, and it’s freaking me out a little.” He nervously chuckled.
You gently smiled and started to mess with his fingers. “I think it’s really cool what you’re doing for the city. I think you’re really brave for all of this.”
Peter smiled at you, “yeah?”
“Yeah. I’m just worried that you could get hurt from this. You know I care about you, right?” You nervously added.
Peter nodded his head with a smile, “I know you care. I promise, I’m being careful out there, don’t worry.”
You lightly smiled, and looked down at your interlocked fingers.
“So, Ned told me something earlier.”
Your head quickly perked up at that. “Oh, did he?”
Peter rubbed the back of his neck, “yeah, he told me to make sure you tell me the thing you were going to tell me.” He sounded confused. “I don’t really know what he means by that, but he wanted me to make sure you don’t chicken out of it.”
You sighed. “Well, I was going to tell you something, but I don’t know if it’s the right time because of your whole... reveal.” 
“Oh, well I’ll still care about what you have to say. Just because you know I’m Spider-Man, doesn’t mean I’m not still Peter.”
You looked up at him and smiled. “Yeah, you’re still Peter.”
He chuckled, and you took in a breath, trying to calm yourself down.
“Well, I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a while now, and I didn’t really know when a good time would be since you’re always at your internship or we’re hanging out with Ned as well. Not that I don’t like hanging out with Ned! I do, it’s just-”
Peter cut off your rambling by grabbing your face and pressing his lips to yours. You were stunned, to say the least. Peter’s lips were soft and gentle against yours. He made no move to escalate things; it was like all he wanted to do was feel your lips against his.
You finally kissed him back, and brought one of your hands to the side of his face. You rubbed your thumb along his cheek as you kissed, loving the feeling of being so close to him.
When you couldn’t take anymore, you pulled back and took a breath of air. 
Looking at Peter like this was something you had only dreamed of. His lips were red and puffy from your kiss, and his eyes gleamed with excitement. You could only imagine how you looked.
“Was that what you were trying to tell me?” He cheekily remarked.
You giggled, “that was exactly what I was trying to tell you.” 
“Good,” he grinned, “because I really like you, (Y/N), I have for a while now.”
You let out a chuckle, “it’s a good thing I’ve liked you for some time as well.”
Peter bit his lip to try to stop himself from smiling so much. He grabbed your hand and laced your fingers together.
“So, does that mean you’d want to go out with me sometime?” Peter asked, hopefully.
You pretended to think for a minute, then giggled. “Yeah, I’d love to go out with you sometime, but right now I just want to spend our night together like we planned.”
You leaned in closer to Peter, gently pulling him in by the collar of his shirt. 
“I like the sound of that.” Peter gently said, right before you placed your lips on his. 
You have so much to tell Ned tomorrow.
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anyoneseenadam · 3 years
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omg can u do smth about the inner circle finding out about reader and azriel’s relationship? maybe they’ve been like secretly dating for a while! ily <3
pairing: Azriel x reader (acotar)
warnings: butt ton of fluff
a/n: i made this a part two to this fic! but it can be read separately, i love az sm so i hope you enjoy!! (this has not been proofread sorry lol)
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A week later you were invited up to the house of wind. Azriel was swamped with work and missed you, and since he stayed there most the time he had dragged you in with him.
Currently you were lying in his bed, curled around a long pillow, and sleeping, wearing one of his shirts and your panties while he trained. He had promised you he would introduce you all soon but so far you had been sneaking about the house. A task that was easy for the spymaster, but less so for you.
He had tried to treat it like a holiday. Sneaking you down to the kitchen to bake cookies at midnight and spending nights on the roof, pointing out constellations.
When you had first arrived Azriel had explained what was going on with Nesta and Cassian as he snuck you in. While you were walking up, giggling behind one hand, the other tightly clasped in Azriel’s warm calloused hand, you had run into Nesta. Your eyes had widened meeting her, stomach dropping as she sized you up and down.
“Nesta,” Azriel’s voice calmed you slightly as you wrapped both hands around one of his, moving behind him ever so slightly. “This is my girlfriend; we’ve been dating for about six months and you cannot tell Cassian.”
She had smiled then and reached a hand out to shake yours, “am I the first to find out then?” she asked and you nodded.
“I’m (y/n).” You muttered, some confidence coming back.
“Pleasure to meet you, if you ever need someone to bitch too about him come to my room,” she left with a warm smile and you laughed, turning to Azriel.
“I like her,” you said, and he looked down at you frowning.
“Why would you need to bitch about me?” he asked, and you kissed his pout away, pulling his hand to continue onwards.
“Probably cause you smell.” He jabbed your side before picking you up and carrying you over his shoulder into his room, dumping you on the bed and crawling over you.
“Horrible girl,” he muttered, pressing kisses into your neck as he ground his hips down into yours. You giggled into his mouth; the rest of the day spent tangled up in him.
The next few days after that were relaxing. He was always away first thing to train, but you weren’t going to complain when he came back stripping of his clothes, sweaty and flushed but always holding a coffee for you.
The rest of the day would be spent either flying out to walk around shops and see markets in other courts, or sometimes flying over mountains, safe and secure in Azriel’s arms. The day before he had prepared a picnic and taken you to a beautiful field, smiling as you pointed out different kinds of flowers, before he picked a gerbera daisy and pushing it behind your ear, then kissing you so hard you almost fell over.
You woke slightly when Azriel returned, his heart warming when he saw you dozing, engulfed in his scent. He put your coffee next to you and you muttered something inaudible to him, snuggling further into his pillow and smiling sleepily when he pressed a kiss to your head, eyes never opening. He sat by you for a minute and pushed the hair away from your face before deciding he was going to bring you breakfast.
He pressed another kiss to your head before standing, quickly replacing his sweaty clothes, and leaving the room, letting you sleep in. His mind so filled with thoughts of his pretty girl and the smile she would give him when she woke up that he didn’t notice that Cassian wasn’t in the kitchen at his usual time.
You on the other hand noticed it pretty quickly, waking suddenly when the door slammed open, a man’s voice that you didn’t recognise asking your absent lover a question.
The well-built man stopped suddenly when you sat up in bed, his mouth opening and closing like a fish as he tried to work out what to say.
“You’re not Azriel.” He stated, realising that the strange girl he saw was covered in his brothers’ scent. And was wearing his brothers’ clothes. And drinking coffee from his brothers’ mug.
“Yes I am.” You said on impulse, shaking your head at your own stupidity but relaxing when the man you presumed was Cassian relaxed.
“Who are you?” he asked, a smile breaking out on his face when he realised who you were.
“Umm I’m (y/n), Azriel’s girlfriend.” You sat up straighter, pulling the covers tighter over you as you realised you were half dressed.
Cassian’s eyes lit up and he ran to your side, sitting in front of you and cheering. “Tell me everything! How did you guys meet? What do you do? How long have you been together?” he bombarded you with questions and you laughed nervously, silently preying that Azriel would return soon.
“Uhh we’ve been together for about six months and I own a flower shop, that’s where we met,” you explained to him when the door flew open again, another tall, dark haired man running in with three women. You recognised your high lord and lady and blushed bright red as they stared at you, smiling so widely.
“We came as fast as we could.” Rhys explained, introducing himself, his wife and Amren and Morrigan. They all crowded you and you moved back slightly, feeling the panic rise in you as they all asked you a million questions.
They were all kind, but so excited that their friend had gotten a girlfriend they were acting slightly insane. You tried to answer their questions, but they were coming so fast that your breathing began to pick up slightly, insecurities rising as you realised that you had just woken up. Your hair was probably a mess, and you hadn’t even washed your face, and you were in an old t-shirt and probably smelt bad.
You looked up when Azriel walked in, his eyes widening at the sight of his entire family in your room.
“What are you guys doing?” he asked as his family turned to him instead, asking him a million questions, Cassian practically in tears that he hadn’t been told.
You jumped when you felt a hand on your arm, turning to see Feyre smiling at you, “I’m sorry if we freaked you out a bit,” she said and you went to deny but she continued, “it can be a but much I know I went through similar, except for me it wasn’t eight in the morning!” her voice raised at the end and Rhysand turned around sheepishly.
“You’re right, my deepest apologies,” he said, still unable to keep the smile off his face, “Come to ours for dinner this evening.”
You smiled at him, nodding as your knee bounced to get rid of the anxious energy, muttering goodbye as Feyre and Rhys dragged their family out the room.
“I love you!” Cassian called over his shoulder and you laughed, eyes filling with tears you were trying to hold back.
“Cauldron baby I’m so sorry, are you okay?” Azriel asked and you nodded at him laughing at yourself as you cried.
“I’m okay, really. They were all so nice.” You assured him as he put down the tray he was holding and wrapping his arms around you.
“Then why are you crying?” he asked, his hands gentle as they wiped the stray tears.
“I cry at everything, the other day I cried because someone said they liked my dress,” you laughed and he shook his head, laughing with you.
“You’re in touch with your emotions,” he reasoned,
“I’m a baby. A baby with no social skills that gets overwhelmed very easily,” His shoulders shook with laughter as he lay the two of you down, “I haven’t even had my coffee yet and that was so much social interaction.” You complained, wiping your eyes as you calmed down.
He smiled down at you, kissing your forehead gently, “Are you up for seeing them properly tonight?” he asked, holding you so gently.
“Yeah it’ll be nice,” you assured him, “plus I do think me, and Cassian have to discuss our shared love for you. I think we might start a fan club.”
Azriel laughed, “If you say so.”
“I really do by the way. Love you I mean. Like I love you so much it makes me stupid, when I’m bored I just think about you and things we could do, and it makes me so happy.” You raised yourself up to look down at him as you spoke, pressing a soft kiss to his lips as he smiled dopily up at you.
“I love you so ridiculously much too.” You sat up together, your back pressed against his chest as he passed you your coffee and the breakfast he had prepared the two of you.
The stress of tonight could come later, you were just content to spend the rest of your morning in his arms.
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in which harry stumbles across your livestream.
a/n: alright lovelies! here is my submission for bificathon hosted by my two lovely friends @bopbopstyles & @harrysclementines !! my prompt is ‘harry accidentally stumbles upon a livestream of her and her friend’ and let me tell you, I SNATCHED THIS SO QUICK! its my first time writing gxg smut, so pls be nice :’). also september is bi awareness month, so happy bi month babies! you’re so all beautiful and valid <3
enjoy 4k words of bi/camgirl!yn x roommate/best friend!harry filled with girl x girl smut/filth
come into my inbox and send feedback and let’s talk about this!
pls rb to share! <3
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It was Harry’s usual Thursday night when he found himself lying in his bed with his laptop on his lap and a plate of his dinner in his hands. 
He was binge watching interior home designers on Netflix, letting out an ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’ as they revealed the finished homes, practically envisioning his future home the same way. 
Thursday nights were practically the start of his weekend as he didn’t have classes on Fridays, and usually his friends and him would hang out, but he really just didn’t feel like going out nor did he have the social capacity to hang out and get drunk when he’s probably going to do that on Friday and Saturday. 
He simply just wanted a break, and that included staying inside and watching interior designers flip a house completely different, and eating his dinner. And he wasn’t ashamed that he enjoyed it. 
After a few episodes and an empty plate, Harry paused the next episode before it even started to put his plate away and grab a glass of water. As he was washing his plate, he heard the door open and close, followed by hushed giggles and whispers. 
“Shh. Harry might be asleep,” a voice said, but he knew it was you. You knew that he liked to sometimes sleep early, but he thought it was too early to be asleep, seeing as it was only eight p.m. 
“I’m actually in here,” he chuckled, making himself present with his voice. 
“Oh!” You said surprisingly, and another laugh was heard. 
You made your way to the kitchen, your guest following behind you as you saw Harry in just a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. 
“Hey, H,” you greeted. 
“Hi, love. Have fun tonight?” He asked. You had went to the bar to chill out from the many essays you had to write and exams you had to take, and Thursday nights were also a start to your weekend as well, so fuck it. 
“Yeah, I did, thanks for asking. This is Daniela, by the way,” you introduced the girl you had met at the bar. 
You had seen Daniela right when you walked in as her and her friends were sitting at the table right next to the entrance, and she immediately caught your eye. She looked right back at you, giving you some flirty eyes herself as you were dragged away by your friends and straight to the bar. 
After a few drinks and rounds of dancing with your best girlfriends, you saw Daniela walk over to the bar and order some drinks, so you decided that it was your chance to go up to her. 
You two had immediately hit it off, getting to know one another. She told you that she was a lesbian, and you proudly told her that you were bisexual. You also found out that you’re both in the same bio-chem class together, which definitely raised the excitement as she suggested studying together and you happily said yes. Then there was dancing while you two were both buzzed, completely forgetting your friends as you grinded against each other and kissed, not caring that you were practically putting on a show for everyone around you. 
And when you suggested that you took her home, she immediately said yes, and you dragged her outside as you waited for the Uber you called. 
“Nice to meet you, Daniela. I’m Harry,” he introduced himself, shaking her hand. “Her roommate and friend-”
“Best friend. C’mon, Harry, don’t put yourself lower than that,” you corrected and he smiled. 
“Alright, alright. My bad,” he laughed. 
“So, we’re gonna go to my room,” you winked him as Harry said ‘have fun’ before cleaning up a bit in the kitchen. 
He was glad that one of you was getting laid. He also noticed how happy you were, which he absolutely adored, and he thinks it has to do with the fact that you came out a year ago, and you’re now living your life to the fullest and happiest, and that’s all he wants; is for you to be happy with yourself and in general.
Harry met you at the end of freshman year of college as your friend groups met up with each other at a bar. He was a bit more shy than the rest of his friends, and didn’t immediately mingle with everyone until a few drinks in. But as you introduced yourself to his friends, you noticed him sitting down at the bar, not interacting with anyone. You were also somewhat on the quiet side, but was able to handle introducing yourself, so you completely understood why Harry acted the way he did when you two met. 
“Hey, not feeling it tonight?” You asked, taking a seat next to him. 
“Eh, not one for going up to people and initiating a conversation,” he said nervously. 
“I get that. Makes me nervous to go up to someone and talk to them, but I’m trying to get over that, so here’s me trying,” you chuckled as did he. 
“Well, we gotta drink to that then,” he said, and it took him by surprise that he was able to make a joke and laugh. 
It could have definitely been the liquid courage, but he was starting to warm up to you; joking around and becoming less tense as you two talked and drank. But that was because you were making him comfortable, to which he appreciated very much. 
Since then, you two have been by each other’s side. He told you that your friends kind of intimidated him because they were very out there, and that made you laugh slightly because it was very true, but you made sure to be by his side whenever your groups hung out. 
The group hangouts turned into one-on-one hangouts with just you and Harry. He was definitely more comfortable with you, and he really enjoyed your company and presence. 
Both of your friends had expected you two to end up together, but you two realized that you were better off as friends—who knows if you two will end up together, but for now, you were happy being best friends with him as was he. 
It was a year, the end of sophomore year, when you wanted to move out of the dorms. It wasn’t like you didn’t like your friends and roommates, but sometimes you wanted your own space and that didn’t help when there’s two other people in the same room as you. 
So Harry suggested that you both find a flat together since he was on the lookout for a flat anyways, and it’ll help him a ton with bills and whatnot. You excitedly said yes after you asked him if he was sure that he wanted to move in with you, and if he was extra sure that he wanted to since you’d be there when he would take home people. He laughed, and said that he didn’t care and wanted to live with you, saying it’ll be fun. You both had gotten quite close throughout that year and practically told each other everything, so it’ll be even better to live with someone you both trust. 
Junior year of uni, he noticed that you always came home with a sad frown on your face, briefly saying hi to him before going straight to your room and locking yourself up for hours. Harry tried figuring out why you were in such a mood all the time, and tracked his steps, seeing if he said anything wrong that made you upset. But he couldn’t figure it out as you both always had light and fun conversations during breakfast and dinner. 
And the frown went on for months until you both came back from Christmas break, and you told him that you had to tell him something very important. 
“Love, you can tell me anything, you know that right?” He said, reassuring you. 
“Yeah. It’s just…I’m nervous to,” you said, shaking your leg. Harry really wondered what happened during break that made you so anxious. He was worried that you wanted to move out and not live with him anymore, but he had to remind himself that it was probably not even about him as he told you to take your time. 
“Don’t worry. I’ll be here when you’re ready,” he said, and you nodded, giving him a smile before you walked off to your room to gather your thoughts. 
An hour later, you came out of your room and found Harry sitting on the couch, watching a film. You sat next to him, and he immediately turned off the TV, giving you his full attention.
You took a deep breath and started, “What I was trying to say earlier was that something about me has changed, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you when I was still figuring it out, but I was just scared of what you would think,” you said. Harry started to get concerned, but he let you finish talking before he said anything. “So, I’ve always had an attraction towards girls, and I thought it was just me thinking a girl was pretty, but when I started to get nervous and flustered when a girl would talk to me, I realized that I really like them, and I would find myself flirting with them and longing to have something romantic with them. And then when I went back home for break, I met up with a childhood friend, and somehow…we kissed. It was so magical that it made my stomach flutter.” 
Harry had smiled softly as you told your story; knowing where this conversation was going, but of course, he stayed silent and let you talk. 
“So what I’m trying to tell you is that… I’m bi,” you had said nervously, hands shaking in your lap. You were trying to contain your tears from falling from your face as you shook your leg. 
“Love, I’m so happy for you,” he replied, opening his arms to comfort you from the anxiety you were feeling from telling him. You had softly sobbed into his shoulder, feeling the weight on your shoulders disappear as you had finally told the person you were closest to and who you trust the most. 
“R-Really?” You said as you pulled away from his hold. 
“Of course! Why wouldn’t I be? I’m happy that you can be whoever you want to be and I’m here to support you,” he said, holding your arms and running his hands over your skin. 
“Thank you, Harry,” you smiled at him, feeling ultimately grateful for your best friend and his acceptance. 
Harry smiled at the memory as he heard giggles through your door, and he chuckled as he finished cleaning before heading to his room. He was feeling a bit tired and despite it being a bit earlier than his usual bedtime, he decided to call it a night a try to get some sleep, deciding that he could go on a run in the morning since he was sleeping early. 
But after an hour of tossing and turning, he gave up trying to get a restful sleep, and opened his laptop to put on some Netflix, hoping it would lull him into a deep slumber. He was comfortably watching a random show until his hand grazed his crotch, and he realized he hadn’t relieved himself nor had he had sex in a while. 
So, he pushed his boxers down his legs, kicked them off the bed, and took off his shirt before he grabbed some lube and pumped his cock as it immedately hardened in his hand. He began touching himself in the darkness of his room as he quietly groaned out and threw his head back on his pillow. 
Realizing he doesn’t have some kind of visual, he stops to search up cam girl sites on the internet so he can get a mental image in his head to get him off. He finally settled on one user that was doing a live stream called ‘KISSYPLS’ as the preview was a girl going down on another with a purple ambiance to the room. The room was dark, but not dark enough where he couldn’t see the two girls. 
The sound of the moans from his laptop were quite loud and he didn’t want you to hear it all the way from your room, so he grabbed some headphones from his bedside table, plugging in his earbuds into his ears as the sounds of the girls moaned and talked dirty to each other. 
“You taste so fuckin’ good,” the girl that was doing the eating out said before she crawled her way up to the other’s body. 
And the slightest moment as Harry was watching, the girl on her back had shifted down a bit as they kissed, and Harry’s eyes flew wide open once he glanced. He saw the face that he wouldn’t have expected he would see. 
His roommate. His best friend. It was you. 
You were being eaten out on his computer screen by Daniela, and he was in complete shock. He honestly hadn’t expected to find you because it was just a random scroll through the site, but holy fuck. 
You hadn’t had your account for very long—maybe about three months. But you thought it was a good way to make some extra money because the bills were stacking up and they had to be paid off somehow. And you loved the idea of getting off in front of a camera for random strangers who pay to see that shit. 
And of course, Harry didn’t know you were a cam girl at all. He hadn’t seen that coming when he was looking for something to get off to. But he wasn’t complaining. He just didn’t expect you to be the one on the other side of the screen. But there you were, showing your body and having sex with someone on camera for the (as shown) 27 people watching who are also horny as fuck. 
You as a person are already beautiful, he knew that, but your body was something else. The way your tits were shown so clearly on his screen with your tattoo that was inked right next to your left tit; as the purple light hit your skin. He wanted to take them in his mouth and devour them. 
You were sprawled out onto the bed, naked as Daniela was kissing you, and he couldn’t stop looking at you as your face looked while kissing someone. He was in complete shock that he stopped stroking himself, his dick in his hands as he watched you two make out. But once his cock twitched from the sight of your ass sticking up, getting a view of your glistening pussy and ass, he continued. 
You flipped Daniela onto her back, making her squeal in surprise before you started kissing down her body, leaving small and sweet kisses to her soft skin. You took her nipples into your mouth, sucking on it lightly as she moaned. Once you were lying on your stomach between her legs, you gave her inner thighs a kiss before licking one long strike up her pussy. You generally loved the way girls taste rather than guys, so your mouth salivates more when you’re with women, eating them out and tasting them, and pleasuring them to their orgasm.
You tongue focused on her clit, licking her sensitive bud relentlessly as your arms were looped under her thighs, and your hand reached up to grab one of her breasts, taking her nipple in between your finger and lightly pulling it. 
“Oh, fuck,” she moaned. Her voice was much more high pitched than normal, but you think it’s hot as fuck. “Like that.” 
That encouraged you to continue sucking on her clit, and you brought your free hand to plunge two fingers into her wet pussy, curling up to meet the soft spot inside of her. Daniela’s back arched off the bed as her hair was spread out onto the pillow as she grabbed a fistful of your sheets into her hands. You pulled your mouth away from her to place your hand on her clit, rubbing it fast as you continue to finger fuck her. Daniela was an absolute mess above you, chanting that she was going to come as a way to manifest her orgasm. 
“C’mon, beautiful. Cum for me,” you encouraged her, the sound of your voice had made Daniela and Harry moan out with how sultry and seductive you sounded. Daniela’s peak washed over her as her hips bucked up, but you placed your arm on top of her thigh to stop her from moving as you calmed her down from her high. You licked her up once more, collecting her juices on your tongue before climbing up her body to connect your lips with her. Daniela could taste herself on you, and it turned her on even more despite just having an orgasm. 
Harry watched as you two kissed for a while. She wrapped her arms around your back, pressing her body against yours as you two made out, swirling your tongues together. Harry fondled his balls, intensifying the feeling before going back to stroke his cock. He gripped on his long hair with his other hand, so it felt like someone was in the room pulling his hair for him, and he closed his eyes. With the feeling of his orgasm coming, he was about ready to pump faster so he could get to his peak, but he heard your voice again. 
“I’m not done with you yet. Wanna cum again?” You asked her, and she nodded eagerly. “Want you to cum when I say so,” you told Daniela, and she nodded. Harry slowed his movements down as if he felt like you were personally talking to him, even though a lot of people on her live stream felt the way he did once she said those words. 
You fixed the laptop, pushing it back a little but still pointing it down to your bodies rather than your face. Giving Daniela a kiss, you situate yourself, putting one leg over her and the other under. You reach between you two, inserting your finger in her wet hole and bringing that wetness to her clit, and she does the same to you. 
Slowly moving closer to one another, you touch clits, rubbing it against each other as you two moaned out. The sounds coming from both of your mouths were loud enough that Harry had heard them from his room, and it genuinely felt like he was in the same room as he was also watching it on his screen. 
“Fuck, I wanna cum,” he groaned to himself. 
“You wanna cum?” You said, rubbing yourself on her and she whimpered out a ‘mhm,’ and you proceeded to grind faster. 
“Yeah, please let me,” Harry moaned. 
The feeling of both your wetness rubbing together was sending you over the edge as you felt like you were going to explode. Your moans had gotten louder, and you really hoped Harry was wearing some sort of headphones with loud music because you felt bad that you were being this loud, but you couldn’t help it. 
But little did you know that Harry was listening to everything. 
You felt like Daniela had waited long enough to release, so you grabbed her face gently, giving her a kiss. “Go ahead. Cum for me,” you said breathlessly as you were going to let go after she was done. 
Once Harry heard those words, he sighed in relief, letting out a loud groan as his orgasm was released onto his stomach. His abs clenched and his hips bucked into his hand. He grabbed a pillow and bit on it, concealing his moans as he came down from his high. With his chest heaving up and down, he looked over at his laptop to see you breathing deeply and he knew that you had just orgasmed as well. 
Your orgasms had hit both of you hard as you were left sprawled out on the bed, laying on opposite sides as your legs were still entangled with one another. Daniela sat up, pulling your body towards her, and she kissed you deeply, still feeling entirely breathless. 
“God, you’re amazing,” she said against your lips, and you smiled into the kiss. The live stream was still going on, so Harry continued watching you two interact with one another post orgasm. “Kinda wanna use that dildo of yours on you,” she smirked, and you chuckled, nodding your head eagerly. 
“Like a threesome, but with a dildo,” you joked, and she laughed. 
“Maybe we should have one?” 
“What? A threesome?” You asked, pulling back, and she nodded her head and shrugged her shoulders. 
“Yeah, why not?” 
“With who?” 
Just on cue, a knock was heard on your door quite loud, making you and Daniela turn your heads towards the door. Before you even had the chance to even get up, the door opened, revealing Harry in just his boxers. You couldn’t help but look down at his crotch area and see his cock hard. 
“Done with the show ladies?” He asked, smirking. The two of you were still completely naked, but neither of you cared to make an effort to cover yourselves. 
“W-What?” You stuttered and looked at Daniela as she had no clue what was going on either. 
“Watched your live stream,” he finally said, and your eyes widened. 
“How did you find it?” You asked, moving towards the edge of the bed, and Daniela stayed behind near the headboard. 
“By coincidence, I swear,” he said, walking towards you. “Was just scrolling and I was horny as fuck, and I stumbled upon it.” 
“D-Did you like it?” A nervous tone came with your words, and it was strange because you’ve never been nervous with Harry, except the time you came out to him. A huge part of you wanted him to say he liked it and that he enjoyed the show, and you really hoped he did. 
He stood in between your legs and looked down at you as you looked up. The sight below him was just something that irked him; you looking up at him with wide eyes, acting innocent and him looking down at you with a raging hard on, begging to be touched by you and your mouth. He placed his hands on both sides of your face, caressing your warm cheek as he studied you for a moment. The smear of mascara that laid under your eyes and your flushed cheeks made his cock twitch. 
Just from watching your live stream, he noticed that you were quite dominant in bed with girls. But with how you’re looking at him, wanting validation and reassurance from him, you’re submissive with men (or just him in general).
His stare was intimidating, and the dark purple light illuminating your room didn’t help. He’s never seen you naked and bare, so that added to the stress of if he likes what he sees. But you were surprised that you didn’t want to cover up in front of him. Throughout the years of being best friends and roommates, you two have never fucked. Although you have kissed multiple times, it was purely platonic and sometimes you just needed a kiss every once in a while. And as your best friend, Harry was happy to help. 
“Of course I fucking loved it. Wanna know my favorite part?” You smiled softly, nodding slowly as you looked at him with big and innocent eyes. He bent down, matching your eye level before he whispered, “Well, first of all you, of course. Looked so damn beautiful, I swear.” You blushed, and he continued. “But the part when Daniela suggested a threesome just a minute ago. If you and her are up with me being a plus one, then I am. Your wish is my command,” he said softly, kissing your nose.
Daniela gasped behind you, a big smile on her face as she crawled to the edge of the bed, wrapping her arms around your waist and kissed your shoulder before she spoke. 
“Well, looks like we’re gonna have a lot of fucking fun.” 
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lunar-wandering · 3 years
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“hey google? whats social interaction?”
two fics in one day hell yeah. this time it’s for an AU i don’t think i’ve talked about here, called the Shy!Wukong AU, in which 500 years of isolation had the consequence of absolutely destroying Wukong’s social skills and confidence.
Word Count: 3.4k
Read on Ao3
-
When MK arrived on Flower Fruit Mountain that afternoon, it was quiet. He walked around for a few minutes, enjoying the silence, a big difference from the constant sound of the city, before sighing.
He walked over and leaned against a tree, barely hearing the soft intake of breath from behind it.
"I know you're there, Monkey King." He sighed again, taking the staff out and twirling it. "I could see your tail y'know."
Wukong slowly emerged from behind him, walking around the tree to stand just outside of MK's reach. MK purposefully didn't look at him, but out of the corner of his eye he could see that his mentor was avoiding eye contact.
"Ah, uh, yeah uh, hey bud." Wukong said, "I uh, didn't know you were here-"
"You were meant to come hang out with me and my friends today." MK said, and Wukong slumped. "I understand having some days were you're just not up for interacting, but this is the third time. ...Why won't you interact with my friends?"
He asked this as gently as he could, but still Wukong shrunk back a little.
"They....they can sense weakness..." Wukong muttered, and now MK did look at him, with confusion.
"Wh- no they don't- well, Mei might, but still." He pushed off the tree, turning to face Wukong fully. "You seriously need to get some more social interaction- it'll help you be more confident again!"
Wukong opened his mouth as though to speak-
"Fighting Macaque that one time doesn't count as social interaction." MK deadpanned, watching unimpressed as Wukong nervously scratched the side of his face. "....Tell you what, if you come with me and Mei shopping tomorrow, I'll get off your case for a week. Does that sound okay?" 
"...Yeah..." Wukong quietly gave his assent, and MK beamed.
"Great! Now, are we going to do training?"
"I didn't plan anything out though...."
"That's okay, we can just spar!"
-
Wukong was 20 minutes late.
MK glanced at his watch again just to make sure that he was reading the time right, before looking back over to Mei. She was playing some game or other on her phone, looking bored.
"Y'know, I'm starting to think Mr. Monkey King might be scared of me." Mei said after another minute went by with still no sign of Wukong.
"Honestly, you might not be too far off from the truth there." MK admitted, "I was half expecting him to at least send a clone, but he must know that I catch on to that immediately now."
"Do you think he's alright?" Mei put her phone back in her pocket, now glancing at the sky with concern. "Like, he didn't freak too much over it and hole himself up in his room or something again, did he?"
"No, he's already met you once, so I don't think it'd be that bad again." MK pulled the staff out of his pocket, contemplating for a moment. "...Hey Mei, how would you like a trip to Flower Fruit Mountain?"
"I would love to." Mei smirked, before turning around and entering the mall, grabbing hold of the back of MK's hoodie to drag him in along with her. "But first, we're gonna need some supplies!"
-
When MK and Mei arrived on Flower Fruit Mountain, it was once again quiet.
"Okay." MK shifted the bag he was carrying on his arm, adjusting his grip. "He's probably up in his little house behind the waterfall. He probably knows we're here by now, so..."
"So all we have to do is find him." Mei finished, "Don't worry MK, I remember the plan."
"Right. Okay." They passed through the water fall, walking through the cave. Standing in front of Wukong's door, MK set his bag on the ground in order to lift his arm and knock.
One of the younger monkeys opened the door.
"Hey there!" MK said, "Is Monkey King here?"
The tiny monkey chitters out a response MK interprets as yes, moving aside to let Mei and MK through. Mei easily finds her way into the kitchen, and MK can hear the clattering of some pots and pans as she shuffles things around (they'd bought some hot chocolate, and apparently Mei refused to wait any longer before making it). MK, meanwhile, sets his bag down by the door and starts looking for Wukong.
It ends up not being very hard really, as he finds his mentor laying on the couch, a blanket pulled over top of his head, his tail poking out and resting on the floor, stiff.
...Too stiff.
"Monkey King?" MK asks, and he sees the fur on Wukong's tail bristle, but yet the monkey himself doesn't move. "I know you're awake."
Wukong says something entirely incoherent.
"Me and Mei are here to have a sleepover, if you're wondering." MK says, "Since you didn't come shopping with us."
There's no response.
Suddenly Mei curses, and there's a loud clatter in the kitchen. MK turns, suitably distracted.
"Y'alright?" He yells.
"Fine! Monkey King just has horrible sorting skills is all!" Is the response he gets, and MK quietly chuckles because, well, she's not wrong.
When he turns back around, Wukong is out from under the blanket, standing up, his usual nervous smile plastered on his face.
...But something's off. His back is too straight, for one, the Monkey King that MK knows is normally slightly slouched. The look in his eyes doesn't show shyness either, rather an attempt at faking being shy.
MK makes his deduction in less than a second.
"You're a clone aren't you."
"Oh thank heavens." The Wukong clone, relaxes just slightly, the nervous smile slipping off in favor of a more relaxed, natural one. (One that, notably, MK has only seen on Wukong's clones. Well, he thinks he saw his mentors real smile once, but Wukong had left rather fast after that, so MK had never been actually sure.) "I wasn't sure how long I could pretend to be nervous for."
"He's trying to bail again, huh." MK said, not even surprised, having mostly known this would happen. 500 years by himself had really taken it's toll on the Monkey King, MK still wasn't sure how exactly Wukong had lost his confidence, but the consequences of whatever it was were fairly obvious. It had taken forever for MK to actually get his mentor to just have normal conversations with him instead of just leaving him sticky notes with instructions on them. During that time, Wukong had run away from MK *multiple* times.
Well, not tonight. MK personally respected Wukong's lack of knowledge on how to be social, and knew first hand the experience of not feeling up to interacting with people. But if Wukong didn't at least try to step over his comfort zone, then he'd never become confident again.
Wukong's clone seemed to have the same idea, as he turned, walking off down a hallway. MK heard a door open- followed by a yelp of betrayal, and then the clone was back, carrying a flustered Monkey King over his shoulder, dumping him onto the couch before vanishing, just as Mei entered the living room with a tray covered in candies, as well as three mugs of hot chocolate.
"Did I miss anything?" She asks, setting the tray down on the coffee table, before sitting on the couch to the left of Wukong. The Monkey King actually squeaked, shifting to move to the other side, only to be stopped by MK sitting on his right. Almost as though they'd planned it, they both leaned up against Wukong simultaneously, feeling how he stiffened at the sudden contact.
"Did you get the remote?" Mei asked, sipping at her hot chocolate.
"Yep." MK held the remote up with one hand, easily accessing Wukong's Netflix account. (He'd accidentally stumbled upon the password one of the times the monkeys had shoved him into the house in an attempt to help him interact with Wukong.) "What do you want to watch?"
"Hm, dunno. What do you think, Mr. Monkey King?"
Wukong didn't respond. He still hadn't relaxed either. His eyes looked slightly unfocused, and MK could practically hear the computer crashing noises.
Jeez. Wukong was a lot more touch-starved than he had thought.
And then Wukong moved, sliding down a little, covering his face with his hands. Mei and MK shared a look of concern.
Maybe this much contact was a bit too much to start?
MK leaned away from Wukong, putting just the slightest bit of distance between them, Mei following his lead soon after.
They were both quiet for a moment, silently considering what to do next as Wukong continued to not look at them.
...And then Mei grabbed the pillow behind her, slowly raising it over her head.
MK barely had the time to register what she was doing before the pillow smacked him in the face.
Mei burst out laughing at MK's surprised look, jumping up off the couch, pulling more pillows out of...somewhere. MK hadn't seen her grab them, but they were certainly there now.
He ducked down, sliding off the couch as a pillow soared over his head, flopping against the couch cushions, having not met it's target. He barely managed to shift out of the way of a second pillow, catching a third before it could hit him in the chest.
"Oh it is on!" He cheered, spinning around before throwing the pillow at Mei as hard as he could.
Soon enough the pillow fight increased to all out warfare, more pillows seemingly appearing out of nowhere. MK laughed, nearly forgetting about Wukong-
And then a pillow hit him in the back of the head.
Both he and Mei paused, knowing for a fact that Mei hadn't thrown it, she was in front of him, getting him from behind was impossible.
MK turned around just in time to see Wukong create another pillow out of one of his hairs and throw it.
When MK pulled the pillow off of his face, he was greeted with Wukong's nervous smile, and a bit of anxious laughter.
MK glanced at Mei.
Well. This wasn't exactly the way they had planned to help Wukong come out of his shell a bit, but it could work.
-
Sleepovers became more frequent after that. Typically they ended up with just a pillow fight, but still, it was some progress, however small.
MK and his friends were more than content to take things slow, let Wukong relearn how to socially interact and overcome his shyness the normal way.
And then New Years happened.
Wukong was still definitely not comfortable interacting with anyone other than Mei, MK, and Sandy, but he did start showing up a bit more frequently. (MK had noticed that Wukong tried his hardest to be more confident around Pigsy. He wasn't sure as to why Wukong did so, but he did. Pigsy himself seemed concerned about it as well, but for the most part let it slide). MK sometimes couldn't help but feel that his mentor seemed a bit...worried about something. But whenever he asked, Wukong would just clam up, sometimes even going so far as to distract MK before teleporting away.
But whatever. It was fine, they were making progress. Wukong was actually somewhat talking to people now, albeit he was still quiet, and easily flustered at the smallest of things. (Tang had briefly mentioned how impressive Wukong's feats were in an offhand sentence, and the Monkey King had practically shut down for an entire half an hour.)
...Unlike MK and the others however, Demon Bull King was more than slightly concerned.
The New Years Incident had been his first time seeing the Monkey King since 500 years ago, and needless to say, he was not what he expected.
He remembered Wukong being boastful, confident, easily coming up with snarky quips left and right.
So it was definitely a shock when, instead of annoyingly chatting or created stupid jokes while captured by Spider Queen, Wukong had simply sat there, quiet, a light blush dusting his face as he sulked, embarrassed over having gotten caught.
Demon Bull King could only wonder what in the world could've happened that would've rendered the Monkey King so shy.
He'd shared his concerns with his family, of course, in a roundabout, thinly veiled way. (He had been fairly certain that the monkey of the conversation had actually been spying on them at the time). Princess Iron Fan had commented about seeing Red Son in a slightly similar state, considering how he never could seem to hold an actual conversation with MK or Mei, instead always challenging them to a battle. (She was concerned, for her son. She'd known that staying in his lab, working on inventions day in and day out would definitely be bad for his social skills, but Red Son had been so stubborn at the time that there'd been nothing she could do.)
Red Son, of course, entirely missed hearing the conversation about himself.
He did however, hear the one about Wukong.
Which, of course, led to-
"Wake up, simian!"
Wukong startled, rolling out of bed, falling to the floor, his blankets falling on top of him and obscuring his vision. He scrambled for a minute, trying to get his bearings as he struggled with the blankets, trying to clear his vision.
A light laugh made him freeze, suddenly glad for the blankets covering him as he felt his face flush as he realized he wasn't alone.
"Seriously? This is the great, powerful Monkey King everyone is afraid of?"
It took a moment for him to place the voice, slowly lifting the blankets up, keeping his head hung low as he checked to make sure.
Bright red jacket. The faint smell of smoke.
Red Son.
Wukong looked away, trying to pull up every inch of confidence he'd regained.
"....How'd you get into my house?" Is what he ended up saying, and he mentally patted himself on the back for not having his voice break mid sentence.
"Please, it's not like it's that difficult."
"There's a whole entire waterfall sealing the place."
"Which is very easy to by pass if you know how."
Wukong couldn't come up with a response for that, instead forcing himself to stand up, trying to put a normal smile on his face, but knowing it would probably only end up being his usual nervous one.
"Uh, um. Why are you here?" He finally asked.
"Well, uh, my father is worried about you so I'm here to help you or....whatever.... something like that..." Red Son said, getting a bit quieter and trailing off towards the end of his sentence.
"I-" Suddenly, irritation overcame Wukong's shyness and anxiety. "You- you're just as bad as I am!"
(Demon Bull King had been right. Wukong had been spying on them during that conversation. He'd originally planned on going over to talk to them, but then, well, as usual he'd panicked, and ended up listening in the rafters while waiting for an opportunity to leave unnoticed.
...That had been a long day.)
Red Son spluttered for a moment, before pulling himself together.
"I am not." He hissed, the edges of his hair sparking.
"You socialize with my successor by fighting him because you don't know how to ask him and Mei to hang out outside of battling." Wukong deadpanned, "And no, battles do not count as social interaction, according to MK."
There was a pause, where they both went silent, staring at each other, waiting for the next move.
An hour later, and they were both sitting on the floor of Wukong's bedroom, both of them looking slightly frazzled.
"I mean, just." Red Son said, "How do you talk to people?!"
"I literally have no idea." Wukong sounded just as stressed and dismayed as Red Son. "I mean, MK and his friends have been trying, and like, I guess it's been working, because they haven't complained about me yet, but still, just, what is social interaction??"
"I don't know!" Red Son groaned, holding his head in his hands. "If- if only we had someone who was really good at social interaction, someone we could copy-"
"Like MK?" Wukong asked, before immediately dismissing the idea in his next sentence. "No, no, he'd pick up on what we're doing and either make us stop or call us out on it way too fast...."
"Agreed, we definitely cannot use the Noodle Boy or his friends as an example." Red Son muttered, "But....to be honest with you, I don't know many other people."
"...Me either." Wukong flopped backwards to lay on the floor, both of them sighing in defeat.
And then Wukong, tensed sitting back up, a thoughtful but also very reluctant look on his face.
"...Actually, there is one person we might be able to go to..."
-
"...What's being social?"
Wukong and Red Son both looked at their last hope of a savior in dismay.
Macaque stared back with an equivalent amount of confusion.
The three of them sat in the middle of a small park, partially hidden from passerby by a line of bushes. Macaque wasn't even entirely sure how he'd gotten there, and wasn't even close to having a clue as to what was going on.
"What do you mean you don't know- you socialize literally every day!" Wukong threw his hands up into the air, in a mixture of anger and defeat.
"You alone are literally responsible for over half of the city's parties." Red Son added, "How can you not know how to be social when you're the perfect example of a social butterfly?"
"I don't know." Macaque shrugged. If anything, this reaction seemed to cause Red Son and Wukong more distress.
"So you're saying you.... don't actually know how to socially interact?"
"Uh, no?" Macaque leaned back, crossing his arms. "I kinda just go along with whatever happens so- wait why are you crying."
Red Son looked to his left to see that, oh, uh, Wukong was crying. He didn't seem like he wanted to be, if the way he was hiding his face behind his hands and trying to muffle his sobs was any indication, but he definitely was.
"You were our last hope of understanding social interaction." Wukong muttered, voice muffled by his hands. Red Son awkwardly hovered his hand over Wukong's shoulder, knowing that the other still wasn't entirely used to touch.
"...Aren't the both of you interacting with me ri-" Macaque was abruptly cut off as something grabbed him by the back of his scarf, pulling him back into the bush. Red Son was too focused on Wukong, and Wukong was too busy trying to stop crying, to notice the sudden disappearance.
Macaque landed on his back, spitting out a stray leaf as he looked up at MK. (He'd known Wukong's successor was spying on them, he'd heard him hide behind the bush. Still though, randomly grabbing him was a little bit annoying).
"You can't tell them that they're socially interacting." MK hissed, quiet enough that the other two couldn't hear him. Macaque raised an eyebrow in confusion.
"Any particular reason as to why?"
"If you tell them they're actually interacting it's like- it's like Cinderella when the clock hits midnight, they both go back to being easily flustered recluses." MK said, "You've got to keep them going without realizing what they're doing for as long as possible."
"...Okay???" Honestly, this didn't clear things up for Macaque at all, but he wasn't going to try and argue with MK now.
MK let go off his scarf, and Macaque returned to his position in front of Wukong and Red Son, adding an extra glamour over top of himself so that his little trip through the bush would be entirely unnoticeable. Funnily enough, neither of them seemed to have noticed his temporary disappearance.
"So uh....wanna keep not-socializing with me at that cafe over there?" Macaque pointed over his shoulder at a nearby place he liked to visit. If he was going to do this, he was going to need another dose of caffeine. "I can maybe try and figure out some tips for you?"
"Yes please." Wukong and Red Son said in sync, already standing up and moving towards the cafe. Macaque stood up shortly after them.
Quietly, watching them walk in front of him, he thought; 'They're idiots.'
-
"Wukong, why are you hiding your face, Red Son's the one that just face planted while walking through a door!"
The Monkey King's response was completely incoherent, afflicted with second-hand embarrassment. Both he and Red Son refused to look Macaque in the eye.
The shadow monkey sighed, almost tempted to teleport away to find somewhere nice to scream.
MK better find a good way of paying him back for this.
134 notes · View notes
ratmonky · 4 years
Text
Out of Body Experience
Word Count: 4.9K
Warnings: semi-public
AO3 Link
Tumblr media
[You matched with Maru!]
[Send Maru a message!]
Maru: Hey.
(username): hiii!!
Maru: You look cute in your pictures on your profile.
(username): omg you think so?? i’m really happy!! i thought you had a rlly cool bio,,, i guess i did the right choice to like your bio
Maru: Thanks. I was surprised to get a notification that we matched. You’re way out of my league.
(username): don’t say that maruuu~ i bet you look handsome irl
Maru: I don’t.
(username): hmm, wanna prove it?? >.<
Maru: I don’t know.
(username): don’t be shy!! ur bio said you lived in kyoto, wanna meet up this saturday?
Maru: You’ll be disappointed.
(username): i promise i won’t!!! i like meeting new ppl!!! besides if we didn’t click we can still be friends?? i feel like you and i will be close no matter what!!
Maru: Are you sure? We just met.
(username): yep!!! come ooooonnnnn it’ll be fun to hang out!!
Maru: Fine.
(username): yay!!! let’s meet in front of the train station!! ahh i’m so excitedddd i can’t waittt TwT
Maru: Me too.
(username): <3
[Maru: <3………….. (send)]
Kokichi paused and deleted the message.
Maru: See you.
~~~
Kokichi’s first impression of you was that you were naive and careless. You wanted to meet up with him without any hesitation, what if he was someone who could harm you?
He stared at his screen and at your pictures.
You were gorgeous, he had never seen someone as pretty as you. On top of all that you wanted to meet him.
It made him feel special, wanted even.
~~~
When a notification sound filled his ears, Kokichi immediately checked if it was from you.
(username): maruuuuu!!!! i missed u  ))):
He stared at the message and read it three times but didn’t quite understand why you would miss him.
Maru: What?
(username): i thought you’d text me but u didn’t,,, i couldn’t sleep cuz i was thinking about u
Maru: I didn’t think you wanted me to text you.
(username): )):
Maru: ?
(username): )))):
Maru: (:
(username): (((((:
Maru: You’re childish aren’t you?
(username): what about it q;
Maru: Nothing. How old are you anyway?
(username): old enough to drinkkkk!!!
Maru: Me too. Which Jujutsu college are you going to?
(username): ohh, hehe… i dropped out cuz it wasn’t my thing
Maru: That’s irresponsible. Did you drop because you couldn’t keep up with your curse classes or was it for some other reason?
(username): maruuuu stop talking about jujutsu with meee!!!
Maru: Then what should we talk about?
(username): about our date >.<
Maru: Date?
(username): did u forget already )):
Maru: Forget what?
(username): our date on saturday )):
Maru: That’s a date?
(username): TwT ur making me sad maru
Maru: I don’t understand it, we just said we’d meet up.
(username): this is a dating website for ppl like us ///:
Maru: You want to date me?
(username): idk anymore,,, seems like ur a heartbreaker and i feel like u don’t feel a connection between us as i do
Maru: Wait! Don’t jump to conclusions all by yourself! You don’t even know what I look like, how can you be so sure that you want to date me?
(username): i mean,,, we matched for a reason,,, i liked ur bio and wanted to get to know u better is that bad??
Maru: No. No, it isn’t. I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. I'm new to this sort of stuff.
(username): apology accepted!!!! ahhhh ur so cute,,, i can’t wait to meet u
Maru: Same here.
~~~
His classmates knew something was up. Robotic demeanor was gone and instead, it was actually a part of himself as Kokichi that was showing through.
“Mechamaru looks happy nowadays,” Kamo noted.
“It’s relieving that he shows us a softer side of himself,” Miwa added. “Makes me feel happy for him.”
“I wonder what caused him to become this way.” Kamo was talking to himself but Todo took it upon himself to answer.
“He has finally found himself a Takada-chan.” Todo grinned. “Reminds me, I never asked him what his type of woman is.”
There was a moment of silence before Todo walked out into the campus garden to make his way towards Mechamaru.
Mechamaru didn’t notice his presence as he was watering the flowers.
“Yo.”
“Todo. Did you need something?”
“What’s your type of woman?”
Caught off guard, Mechamaru dropped the watering can. “I… I think someone who’s kind and cheerful.” Someone who’s submissive.
“Like I guessed.” Todo held his chin between the knuckle of his forefinger and thumb as he hummed thoughtfully. “You’re as lifeless as your puppet.”
~~~
What did that suppose to mean?
Kokichi was just telling the truth.
Right?
~~~
Days passed until Friday came.
Kokichi talked to you almost every day and whenever he could. He seemed to enjoy your company more than he thought he would when the two of you first matched.
He woke up to your messages and went to sleep only after he texted you goodnight.
Today, he felt like his heart was going to jump out of his ribcage, he could hear his own pulse when it got too quiet and it was dead silent in his hideout… as always.
All he could think about was your date tomorrow. He had made sure to dress up Mechamaru nicely for the occasion and checked the weather report thrice so the date wouldn’t be ruined because of anything out of his control.
There was still something that made him extremely anxious. What if you didn’t like him? What if everything went terribly and you blocked his number?
He needed something to distract him from these negative thoughts.
Maru: Hey.
(username): maruuuu!!!! what r u doin??
Maru: Going to sleep soon, I think.
(username): without me (;
Maru: Never.
(username): i’m blushing
Maru: How are you?
(username): fine, i'm doing skincare tonight to get ready for our date!!
Maru: About that...
(username): ....
(username): are you going to cancel our date?
Maru: No! I’m just anxious about it.
(username): good cuz i’d block u
Maru: I don’t think you would.
(username): you don’t know me
Maru: Because you never told me about yourself.
(username): ^-^; haha yeah,,, so,,, what would you like to know?
Maru: Everything.
Without even noticing the passing time, Kokichi chatted with you until he couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore.
He learned everything about you. From the earliest memory, you could recall about your first interaction with a cursed spirit to your latest obsession with an online game about cute animals.
His eyelids were getting heavier, he texted you goodnight and how he was excited to meet you tomorrow.
When he closed his eyes, this time he managed to fall asleep.
~~~
You pressed your phone to your chest and kicked at your sheets. The excitement was eating you up, the butterflies in your stomach wouldn’t calm down either. All because of someone you met online a couple of days ago.
It wasn’t something new to you to meet up with people you met online but this felt a lot different.
Previous times, you had used different dating apps or social media websites to make friends but this was the first time you had used a dating website specifically for people who knew the existence of curses.
Jujutsu sorcerers often found it hard to find someone they could click with because of their field of work but this website had risen up to popularity from day one. Your old classmates from your jujutsu college wouldn’t shut up about it so you gave it a go after their insisting.
Maru was one of the first people you matched with on the website. In his profile, he had written about how he wanted to find someone he could be himself with and date them.
That’s why tomorrow, you had to be on your best behavior so he could be himself around you.
~~~
You were twenty minutes early.
It wasn’t your intention to arrive this early but whether it be the excitement to meet up with Maru or not wanting to make him wait if your train was late-
Wait, those were all connected.
Letting out a sigh, you checked your phone. Yep, still twenty minutes. Once you put it back in your purse, your eyes scouted around the station. There weren’t any empty spaces for you to sit so you were standing by a meeting point next to the maps, hoping Maru would see you.
Although you didn’t know what he looked like, you had put effort into how you looked today so you could impress him. Deep inside, you hoped he would take notice of your appearance and compliment you but some men were just too dense.
From the way he had started texting you, he gave you the impression that he was one of those stoic and dense men but as you started to get to know him better, he turned out to be quite a friendly person. Very talkative and caring.
You pressed a hand on your cheek, you were burning up. Geez, were you really blushing this much because of him?
When you told your friends about this date, they had told you not to have too many expectations about Maru. They believed you were being catfished but it wasn’t possible, you didn’t want to meet him because of his appearance after all.
“Um, excuse me-”
Startled, you lifted your head to stare at a… robot?
You stepped away from its way, thinking that you were standing in front of its charging station or something. How long had it been since you had gone out? Had robots already taken over? Or was this one of those public pranks?
The robot was staring at you even after you moved away.
“(username)?”
You lifted your gaze and looked at the robot with wide eyes. “M-M-Maru?”
It nodded, “Mechamaru.”
No, it wasn’t a robot. You could sense cursed energy oozing from it. More like a cursed doll. Nevertheless, you were speechless.
There was a long pause before you spoke. “Ah, I...” You looked around as if you were searching for an exit and anxiously clutching on your purse.
Great, you were going to make up an excuse and go away. Just like he thought you would.
“I thought I was going to meet you, not a puppet.”
“I’m here,” he said, static sizzling noise coming from him was like nails on a chalkboard. “I just can’t be physically here because of my condition.”
“You could’ve told me about it first… ahh, sorry.” You sounded more annoyed than you would have liked but quickly covered it up by bowing your head to greet him. “Nevermind, I’m (name).”
“Are we going to use real names?”
“Well, I’m not gonna call you Megaman.” There was a smile.
“Mechamaru,” he corrected. After a short silence, he added, “Kokichi.”
“Nice to meet you Kokichi, I hope we can get along well.” You bowed yet again.
“Why are you being so formal?”
“It’s cuz…” You pointed at him.
“What?”
“Well…” You used both hands to gesture his whole body.
“If you say it’s because I’m a robot or anything similar to that, I’ll go home.” He sounded serious, or maybe it was because of the static.
You pouted and leaned forward on your tiptoes, “If I can’t even joke around then I’ll go home.”
“I thought you were looking forward to our date.” When you blushed at his words he spoke again. “You look cuter than your pictures.”
“Ahh, you really think so?” You started walking and he followed after you.
“I do.” He was keeping a large space between the two of you, whenever you tried to walk closer to him, he would move away but now when you were caught in the station with the crowd who were going home after work hours, you had to stay close to him.
You were being pushed against Kokichi thanks to the crowd trying to walk out of the station and he didn’t complain about it. Kokichi didn’t look at you, he thought about the things he read on the internet instead.
‘If you want your date to consider you as manly, you have to invest yourself to talk to her.’
“Your dress looks cute.” Kokichi came up with ‘the compliment her outfit’ route, he had seen men flirt before, he could do it too.
He stared down for a moment to see your reaction.
Bingo!
You smiled brighter than the sun, you played with your hair to give him a playful answer. “Thank you, I wore this just for our date.” Your eyes shined with small sparkles in them. “I really like your collar.” You pointed at his face, not too close, hesitant to invade his personal space. I’m here with his puppet not him, you reminded yourself.
“Thanks.”
When the two of you finally exited the station, you walked alongside him.
“Where to?” He nonchalantly asked while you were looking around the streets.
“What about karaoke?” You gave him an inviting smile, “It’d be fun.”
“Whatever you say.” He wasn’t sure which way you were taking. There was the main street and Kyoto's red-light district, of course, he knew you wouldn’t be going there. “Which street are we going for?”
You pointed to your right, “The main street, there is a karaoke place I know.” Your smile altered when you noticed how this time when you walked together to cross the street, it was close, your shoulder touched his fake biceps.
“I’m not good at singing for obvious reasons.” Back in his bathtub, Kokichi said it in a joking manner but thanks to the cursed puppet, it sounded a lot as if he was annoyed about the idea of going into karaoke. He bit his tongue and cringed, waiting for your reaction.
“You can still try, can’t you?” You gave him the best puppy eyes you could. “For me?”
Kokichi blushed but you weren’t able to see it through Mechamaru. “Y-yeah.”
“Oh, I didn’t know robots could stutter.”
“I didn’t stutter and I’m not a robot. This is a cursed puppet and sometimes the commands I give are interrupted, that’s why I-”
“You’re so easy to tease just as I guessed!”
Kokichi covered his mouth with his hand, watching you giggle at him through his screen.
“Here it is.” Pointing at a sign, you grabbed his arm and dragged him with you.
While you were showing him the prices, he was busy staring down at your shirt. He could… he could see your cleavage.
“The menu says they serve alcohol at this hour! Ahh, the prices are cheaper than the last time too! We can share the tab-” You stopped yourself from talking. Silence brought him out of his trance. “Oops, sorry. You can’t eat or drink through Megaman, right?”
“Mechamaru,” he corrected. “No, I can’t… But it’s on me anyway.”
“You’ll pay?” Your eyes sparkled brighter than the stars. Your pouting lips and hand on his chest didn’t help.
Kokichi looked away, blushing. “Y-yeah.”
“Y-you’re the best!” Mocking his stuttering, you offered him a cute smile. Then you went on to drag him inside while telling him about how this place was the best karaoke place in Kyoto because they served desserts and your favorite cocktail. All the while renting a room for the two of you.
“Would you like to share with others?” The employee asked.
“No.” Your answer was instantaneous.
Behind the register, the employee stared at Kokichi and down at you. It was easy to tell he thought the two of you were a mismatch. “Your room is to the left, you can order through the smart tablet. Have fun.”
“Thanks,” you said before walking past the register. When Kokichi caught up with you, you turned around. “Did you see the way he stared? So lame!”
“Well, anyone would have stared if they saw a pretty girl next to a robot.”
“So, you’re accepting you’re a robot?” You grinned, opening the door to the private room.
“That’s not what I meant!” He didn’t know what he was expecting. From the way you texted, he should have known you were this childish and unable to have a serious conversation.
“Hmm?”
“Nothing.” He closed the door behind him as you were ordering as many drinks as you could. Once he noticed you were about to order the entire menu, he barely managed to stop you by taking the smart tablet away from your hands. “Hey, I’m not rich!”
“It’s cheap, trust me!” You pouted your lips again, reaching for the smart tablet he was holding above your head.
His stare found the menu and froze. It was cheaper than he had thought like you said. He had never been somewhere like this, nobody could blame him for it.
“Sorry, I didn’t notice,” he said as he handed the device back to you.
“I was showing you the menu earlier, you weren’t listening, were you?” Your smile widened, eyes squinting knowingly.
“I was listening! You’re talking way too much, I can’t keep up!”
You crossed your legs, continuing to add stuff to your order.
It got quiet.
Realizing what he had said was rude, he apologized.
“It doesn’t sound genuine.”
“It’s because I’m talking through a puppet.”
“Exactly.”
You weren’t looking at him. Putting the tablet aside, you leaned back on the soft cushions. The mood had changed. When you weren’t talking, it was too quiet.
Decidedly, he walked over to the karaoke machine and grabbed two microphones. He sat next to you, placing one of the microphones next to you as he reached for the tablet.
There were way too many songs in the system and he knew none of them.
Scrolling further, he found Takada-chan’s songs.
“You like Takada-chan?” you asked, noticing how he had stopped scrolling.
“No,” he replied. “My friend-” Was he really his friend? “My friend likes her, he won’t stop talking about her and all.”
“I like her,” you said. “I’ve been to her meet and greets many times but they’re always ruined by some buff dude who has the most tickets. He’s always at the events, kinda creepy but seems like he supports her. He once beat up some guy who insulted her.”
Kokichi didn’t say anything. He didn’t want that guy to be the icebreaker on his date.
“Creepy,” he uttered before putting the tablet on your lap. “You should sing, I don’t know any of these songs.”
“None of them?” You raised a brow.
“None.”
“You’re so boring,” you murmured, clicking on the first song you saw.
The loud music filled the room and his hideout. You tapped on the microphone, “Check, one, two. Kokichi is sooooo boring!”
Your laughter was the next thing that filled his hideout. He chuckled but it came out as a static noise through Mechamaru.
While you were singing, the same employee came with two trays full of drinks and snacks, he left them on the table before leaving immediately. None of you paid any mind as you were changing the lyrics to tease Kokichi.
“Are those really the lyrics?” he asked.
“Yep!”
Another giggle.
Too cute.
Very cute.
He watched you stop singing for a brief moment to chug down your third drink. Your cheeks were flushed red from the booze and your neck was sweaty, you kept fanning your hand towards your face.
His gaze focused on a particular sweat droplet on your neck and idly watched as it drizzled down to your cleavage before disappearing under the fabric of your dress.
Kokichi tried focusing on something else but he found himself unable to tear his eyes away from you. Every single thing you did was seductive. When you bit onto a small rice cake or the way your lips closed around the straw of your drink and how your cheeks hollowed when you tried sucking the last bits of your cocktail in your mouth.
The last drop had to be when you grabbed an ice cube from your drink and held it over the skin of your chest.
His hand pressed on his lower half. He was thankful he wasn’t physically there or he would have been labeled as a pervert. Under the soothing medical liquid, he had a problem you didn’t need to see.
You weren’t singing anymore but the music was playing nonetheless to suppress the silence as Kokichi was practically undressing you with his eyes.
“Heyyy, Kokichi~” you slurred, sitting closer to him. “You’re being too quiet!”
Taken aback, he spoke. “I’m not sure what to say?”
“Just talk…” you whined, putting a hand on his knee.
Oh, how he wished he could feel the warmth of your hand.
“Or better… Sing!” You held a microphone up to his face.
“I can’t sing,” he reminded.
“You said, you’d sing for meee~”
He blushed, taking the microphone from your hand. “I don’t know the lyrics.”
“It’s on the screen.”
Yes, the lyrics were on the screen.
He felt embarrassed, this was stupid. He wasn’t even actually in the room with you but he felt so nervous. His actual hands were shaking as he gulped.
When he started singing, you started laughing.
The static made it sound like he was an actual robot. Yet, Kokichi didn’t stop despite how tone-deaf his voice was coming through Mechamaru. He wanted to make sure you were having fun but the music stopped.
Both of you stared at the notification on the tablet, asking if you wanted to add another hour to your stay.
Had it already been an hour? Time was going fast when you two were having fun.
You looked at Kokichi.
He pressed to accept.
The music continued playing.
This time, Kokichi didn’t sing. The two of you started chatting about everything and anything until there was a lull in the conversation.
“Lemme see your hand,” you said, reaching your own towards him. He slowly placed his hand on your open one and you compared the size. “Wow, your hand is hugee, is your real hand this big?”
Funny, if not absurd. You were on a date with a puppet but you were getting turned on.
“It's the same size as my own hand.” His gaze dropped to his actual body. “At least one of them.”
“Can you feel that?” You intertwined your fingers with his.
“No.” He wasn’t looking and he didn’t need to look. The depressing realization that he was always going to watch people behind a screen and in this damn bathtub was starting to sink in once again.
“Can you feel this?” You were giggling.
“I told you, I can’t feel-” His breathing stopped at the sight of you pressing his hand on your breast.
“I wanna meet you, Kokichi~” Smiling enticingly, you sat closer to him. “It’s no fun when I can’t see if you’re blushing right now.” Your hand over his hand moved on your breast, the supple flesh jiggled under the front of your dress. “Are you blushing right now?”
“I am.” His answer was instant.
“You know,” you started, putting your free hand on his thigh and lifting your leg up on the cushion to face him. “I got all dressed up ‘cause I wanted you to lose your composure. You sounded so uptight and stoic. I wanted to see you lose it.” Tilting your head, you puckered your lips. “But you didn’t even come to our date.”
“I did.”
“Megaman did.”
“Mechamaru.”
“I wanted Kokichi to come.” You pulled his hand away from your breast and led it down to your stomach and even lower. “I wish you were here so you could feel how wet I am.”
“(name),” he said. “I can’t feel my fingers through Mechamaru.”
“Mm?” You placed his hand under the skirt of your dress. “But I can feel them.”
Kokichi’s actual hand started shaking in excitement as Mechamaru’s fingers brushed against your panties.
“Can’t I meet you?” Your voice was faint compared to the music but he heard it. “I wanna meet you.”
“You’ll be disappointed, I don’t look… normal.”
“You don’t look normal right now either.” Biting your lip, you moved against his hand. A soft gasp left your lips. “Yet, I’m so turned on right now.”
There were a thousand different thoughts invading his mind but Kokichi felt like he was hypnotized by your hips.
“Kokichiii, move your fingers,” you whined softly, your eyes hazy with lust.
“I need to see them,” he said. Back in his room, his own hand was pressing down on his growing erection. “Or I may move them wrong.”
“Pervert~” you teased, lifting the skirt of your dress up.
He didn’t say anything, instead focused his attention on your soaked panties. How long had you been this wet? From the moment you two rented the room or-
“Kokichi.” Your needy voice brought him out of his dirty thoughts. “You don’t have a cock under your pants, do you?” Your hand pressed against Mechamaru’s groin.
For the first time in his life, Kokichi felt his entire body jolt. Your vulgar way of asking was enough to get him rock hard. “No-”
“What a waste.” Sulking, you retrieved your hand. “But are you hard right now?”
“I… I am.”
A dangerous glint sparkled through your eyes. “If only you were here… I’d make you feel sooo good.”
Mechamaru’s fingers pressed against your clothed folds before moving along them. A soft moan left your lips and you balanced yourself on your hands.
“I look like a freak-”
“You keep saying that.” Your hips moved against his hand. “As if that matters to me.”
Mechamaru slid your panties to the side and spread your folds with two of his fingers, he carefully watched as wet strands connecting them together broke apart. Kokichi’s own hand was pumping his cock.
“What are you doing right now, Kokichi?”
“I’m putting a finger inside.” He inserted one of his fingers inside you.
“No, what are you really doing?” You bit your lip.
“I’m… I’m jerking off.”
Satisfied with his answer, you crossed a leg over his to settle on his lap with your back against his chest. Spreading your legs wider, you allowed him a better view of your wet pussy. Mechamaru’s digits slid inside as Kokichi moved his hand along the length of his cock.
Mechamaru’s other hand went to cup your breast over your shirt, making a moan escape your lips.
His fingers were reaching deeper than your own fingers ever could. The digits moved in a scissoring motion and curled against your gummy walls, pressing against the spot that made your vision blurry.
“Kokichi,” gasping, you squirmed on his lap, your back arched when his thumb grazed over your clit. “I wanna kiss you so bad.”
Kokichi’s hand tightened around the tip of his cock, he pulled the sensitive skin down to expose the pink tip and massaged it using his thumb. When his hand started moving along his cock again, the device helping him talk through Mechamaru picked up the clicking sound rather than the medical fluid splashing.
You moaned at the realization of what you were hearing.
The feeling of the metallic firm fingers stroking your clit made your hips buck against his hand. Your eyes roll to the back of your head, panting, you pressed your thighs together.
Mechamaru’s hand on your chest moved down on your thigh to hold you in place as his fingers inside your pussy started to vibrate. The sudden pleasure made you scream but the loud music concealed it.
Kokichi couldn’t breathe normally, his pulse had gone haywire as his hand was moving hastily around his cock while Mechamaru’s digits were messing you up.
“S-s-s-stop!” Your voice broke into a moan.
“Do you really want me to stop?” He barely managed to ask, his hand wouldn’t stop.
You shook your head rapidly, biting your lip.
Your walls clenched around the digits, sucking them in deeper. Kokichi’s own hand was moving faster than his heartbeat. His tongue lolled out of his mouth and his shoulders tensed.
He was close.
From the way you were shaking, he could say the same thing for you.
So, when Mechamaru pushed his digits further inside, the vibration got stronger and stronger until your legs shook. The pleasure that was building in your gut suddenly got released, shaking you to your core.
Kokichi followed suit, his cock spurted thick clumps of cum and they landed on his stomach, his bandages absorbed his seed.
By the time he caught his breath, he realized you were still on his lap.
Mechamaru had gone limp as he had gotten distracted because of his orgasm. He revived the cursed doll while you were trying to fix your dress.
You wanted to say something but you couldn’t find something to say.
To your rescue, the music stopped.
The tablet had the same notification from before. Informing you that the second hour had ended and if you wanted to rent the room for one more hour.
Kokichi leaned forward and pressed on the tablet to end the session.
“We’re leaving already?” you pouted your lips.
“You said you wanted to meet me.”
Kokichi watched as the brightest smile he had ever seen formed on your face.
After he paid the tab the two of you exited the building as he held you up with one hand because your legs weren’t functioning properly.
“The employee behind the register noticed your wobbly legs,” Kokichi said.
“You think so?” you whispered, cheeks and ears colored in bright red.
“He was looking, so, yes.”
“You kinda went overboard by using Megaman’s vibrator hands.” Your giggle filled his ears and he smiled to himself.
“It’s Mechamaru.”
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punksarahreese · 3 years
Text
The art of feeling lonely | 4 mg Ativan
Anxious!Ava; Ava’s first month in Chicago took a turn that she never mentioned to anyone.
Word count: 1387
CW: Anxiety/depression themes, mild self injury, panic attacks/meltdowns
***
Ava had always been a reserved person, she much rather preferred to be alone in the evenings than out with friends. She never had an issue, really. Back home she woke up alone, worked alone, and thrived alone. She did have roommates back in South Africa, other doctors in various stages of their own residency, but that was different. They could coexist in the common areas of their shared home, talking in the kitchen or sharing drinks during a night off, but it wasn’t all social. Ava could retreat to her room whenever she wanted, finding solace in the quiet time spent pouring over books or enjoying her free time alone. Ava Bekker had spent years wishing she could afford to live alone, craving the freedom and peace that a solo flat would offer.
When she accepted the fellowship at Gaffney medical, Ava was ecstatic. Not only could she start over but she would be able to live alone. It was so much change at once but it was going to be so worth it. Ava loved the idea of having her own place, no need for small talk and no one to share a bathroom or food with. It would be perfect, her little safe space away from the mess of home and work, or so she thought.
She had anxiety issues, Ava had known that for years, but she never had an official diagnosis. It was hard to get a proper diagnosis of anything when you present as a fully functioning adult, something she dealt with her entire life. Still, the excitement of moving and starting her own life in a new place seemed to win over the nerves, which is why she was completely fine. Until about three weeks into her new life in Chicago, anyway.
It started like any normal day, she went to work on a friday and everything went smoothly. She successfully did a CABG surgery with Connor, who was being a bit more friendly with her at that point. They operated well together, once they both overcame the initial hostility and wariness. Doctor Latham was proud of them after the surgery and the day came to a close with no emergencies.
They two had left Med just as the sun had begun to set, chatting about an upcoming surgery. Connor stopped when someone called his name, looking back to see Natalie Manning rushing over to them. Her cheeks were reddened by the chilly wind and she came to a stop in front of the man she had looked for.
“We’re going to Molly’s for drinks tonight, you wanna come, Connor?”
The first thing that dampened Ava’s mood was that very interaction, watching as Connor turned to answer her question. Ava felt completely cut off, his back to her and Natalie not even caring to glance her way. It was clear she wasn’t going to be invited, of course who would invite the new CT fellow who was technically Connor’s opponent in the grand scheme of it all. She had gotten used to the whispering and hearing the rumours that she was a bitch or that she used charm and sexual favours to get into the program when Connor was already there. She knew they disliked her and originally Ava didn’t care, but this hurt more somehow.
She didn’t bother saying goodbye to Connor, instead just turning and walking towards the waiting taxi she had called. She would have to get a car, Ava realized, especially if she wouldn’t be able to find a friend to carpool with.
Ava’s apartment was the same as she had left it that morning, immaculate and tidy. Her plants had been watered and yet she saw the way they drooped, leaning towards the big balcony window as they sought out the sunshine. They were not adjusting well to the move and she feared her beloved plants might die on her.
Her favourite sweater was draped over the arm of her chair, offering silent comfort like always. It reminded her of home, the logo of her university decorated the front of the fabric. It was all she could do to put the thing on, settling down in the armchair soon after.
Dinner should be made, the woman mused to herself, but she didn’t have the energy to do it. Instead she pulled the sleeves of her sweater over her hands, the fuzzy fabric sinking comfortably between her fingers. Ava wasn’t sure what she was feeling at that moment but something was almost suffocating. There was an elephant in the room, making the surgeon feel overwhelmed and nervous in mere seconds.
She found herself glancing around her apartment, looking for something. She wasn’t sure what that something was, it didn’t even feel tangible, but she still searched.
“Home,” her voice was more raspy than she expected and it made Ava flush from embarrassment, “It doesn’t look like home.”
After three weeks of living - and thriving - alone, Ava truly realized something. This apartment, in all its modern and beautiful glory, was not her home. There was no group of laughs coming from the kitchen, she couldn't hear the tip-taps of her roommate’s sweet cat treading across the linoleum, and this chair wasn’t even comfortable. The only sound she could hear was the faint rumble of cars driving past the building and the hum of the electricity. It felt far too empty… cold and unforgiving. This, Ava concluded, was not home. She didn’t have a home anymore, not really, and she also had no one in this damned place.
The feeling of loneliness wasn’t unnatural to Ava, she had her fair share of feeling left out or alone, but this was different. She was in a whole new city and she had been so busy with work and worrying about others that she didn’t really know where she was. The silence of her apartment used to be a much needed comfort but now it made her want to scream, feeling like she would sink into the quiet darkness until she simply ceased to exist.
She didn’t know anyone in this city, no one who wanted to spend time with her, and she finally understood why that hurt. She longed to be back in her Cape Town apartment, with that sweet old cat purring in her lap and her friends laughing in the other room.
Ava loved to be alone, she was usually so content to work and study and eat all alone. Small talk was painful and people asked for honesty but were offended so easily by it all the same. She was much happier alone, yet this hurt so much for reasons she couldn’t place.
She didn’t even notice the way her nails raked down her forearm, leaving reddened marks in their wake. This was bad, she was not supposed to do this, but the anxiety was too much. She was suffocating and the sharp pinpricks of pain helped her release some energy. Maybe if she had been paying attention she would have seen the marks start to bleed slightly, tiny beads of red from the damaged first layer of skin. Still, it was impossible to see through the stinging tears that flooded her eyes, afraid to vocalize the pain that became evident within minutes.
She was always a silent crier, the only sound was usually her sniffling, but this time was different. This time the sobs shook Ava’s whole being without her consent, the sounds that escaped along with her tears a mixture of unintelligible words and gasps. She wasn’t sure why this hit her like a bus but it hurt more than she ever had felt. She wanted to scream and hit things just as much as she wanted to purchase a ticket back home immediately. Hunched over in the chair, her hand pressed over her injured forearm so she wouldn’t do any more damage, Ava let the sobs overtake her.
All she could really do was feel the loneliness, letting it consume her. Maybe it would help if she just surrendered to it, left questioning why she was hurting so much now instead of when she had first moved. Maybe that’s just the art of being lonely, the first realization of being completely alone is one that almost always cuts through one’s psyche like a sharpened blade.
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stutterfly · 5 years
Text
Swipe Right 01 | Context Switch | JJK (M)
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Rating: M (Explicit 18+)
Pairings: Jungkook x Reader, brot7 x friendship
Genre: E2L, fluff, angst [later on], humor, [eventual] smut, PersonalTrainer!Jungkook, fuckboy!Jungkook, Nerd!Jungkook, Nerd/IT!Reader
Word Count: 12.8K
Fic Summary: Jungkook wasn’t always like this. Or maybe he was and you don’t want to admit that he had you fooled. You quickly discover he has a lot more to offer than exchanging pleasantries and awkward small talk. In fact, he never seems to shut up.
For the better part of a year, he’s held your irritation hostage, never passing up an opportunity to deliver savage one-liners at your expense. When he discovers you’re on Tinder, he turns up the brattiness factor and intentionally seeks you out. Who knows? Maybe if you gave him a chance he could charm the pants right off of you. Then again, maybe he’s just a fuckboy.
Tags: Fuckboy Jungkook, like cannot stress enough Fuckboy Jungkook but gets soft later, dirty jokes, talk nerdy to me, PUNS, friendship feels, sexual tension, Jin being bad at copying Mario’s accent, Namjoon being bad at accents
CW:  panic attacks, filthy language, this whole chapter is setup so like nothing too bad i dont think???
Series: Activate your SIMCard Fic: Swipe Right (1/?- Ongoing) Do not repost. masterlist // next chapter
(A/N: This is part of my “Activate Your SIMcard” series. Each member of BTS has their own AU in which IT/TechSupport/NerdReader gets dating help/advice and ends up falling in love with them instead. As with a dating sim, the same characters are utilized--same professions, similar scenario placement-- but different interactions/pathways lead to different romances. ~Anyway here’s the Jungkook route.~ The Namjoon route, “Love Bytes” is currently in the works.)
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰
Nerves wrack your stomach as you make your way down the hall, clinging to the man beside you. His strides seem gigantic next to yours and you find yourself struggling to keep up with him. “Stop walking so fast, Namjoon.”
The man laughs, but slows his pace just enough to allow you to walk side-by-side. “Sorry. I’m just excited for you to meet them.”
Digging your fingernails into the flesh of his elbow, you swallow hard. It’s been a couple months since the young English professor stumbled into your life holding the pieces of some very expensive, very shattered college property. State of the art technology, brand new, busted in less than a week of his arrival. He’d get the biggest chew-out of his life if he presented it to your boss, and you were too sympathetic to let that happen.
While you’d willingly paid for the whole thing out of pocket to cover for the newbie, it had definitely put a strain on your finances and what little social life you had. Within a week he’d worked up a repayment plan than spanned the course of a year. He even started buying you a coffee every Friday as an apology for how long it was going to take.
After a few months of bonding over kung-fu movies, life before Namjoon’s friendship seemed like a distant past, a hazy dream. It was natural that your new bestie wanted to grow your pitiful social circle. But there was a reason you didn’t let people get close to you. The fact that Namjoon had slipped past your defenses so fast made him an anomaly worth dissecting for scientific discovery.
Just the thought of having to now socialize with people you don’t know has your temperature boiling and your head spinning.
He attempts to tug his elbow away from you, and you stumble forward, keeping your death grip on him. “I know, but talking to people isn’t exactly my strong suit. Are you sure it’s best I meet all six at once?”
“You’ve already met Jimin,” he begins, clawing at your hand with long, veiny fingers until you release your hold on him, “but he’s not coming tonight, so don’t worry... you can relax a little.”
Your face twists into a sour grimace as you try to sputter out a response. “I-Pfft. I mean. Jimin’s a model. His face is on billboards and shit. Like… how is that supposed to not be intimidating?”
“Jimin is the world’s biggest sweetheart,” he laughs, shoving his hands into his pockets as you continue down the hallway. “You don’t have anything to be afraid of. I have a feeling you two will get along fine once you stop being so shy.”
You huff and tick your jaw a few times before wringing your hands together. Maybe.
“Anyway. Taehyung is out of town on business, but you can meet him another time. He’s kind of quiet when meeting new people too. Hoseok and Yoongi texted they might be a little late. It’ll just be Jin and Jungkook you’re meeting now. And it’ll be just the four of us for a bit.”
A deep breath escapes you as you hook your elbow with his. “Okay. I just… I’m nervous.”
He stops at the door at the end of the hall and looks down at you. “Give them a chance. If you’re still feeling bad in an hour, then we’ll leave, and I’ll hang out with y’all separately from now on. Deal?”
You eye his extended palm peeking out from beneath the crook of your twined elbows before a smile creeps across your face. You shake his hand. He always knows what to say. “Deal.”
As Namjoon knocks, you leave the comfort of his side, realizing how your anxious clinging might be mistaken for a romantic gesture. You begin to shrink back, trying to hide in his shadow before the door opens. You’re about halfway there when a young, well-built man appears, prominent leg muscles bulging from beneath his basketball shorts as he props the door open with his foot. There’s a cup of instant noodles in his hands, and you’re pretty sure at least half of its contents are dangling from his mouth.
The scent of garlic and rosemary drifts into your nostrils, and you freeze as you cower behind Namjoon, realizing how long it’s been since you last had a decent home-cooked meal. You were promised free food so maybe it won't be so bad after all.
“Ah, Namjoon,” he greets and gestures with his head towards the domicile. “Come in--Oh!”
He chokes a chunk of noodles back into the paper cup as he notices your figure standing behind the tall man.
“Jungkook, this is Y/N,” Namjoon says, stepping to the side and pushing you out into the light of the apartment “I told you she was coming tonight, remember?”
Jungkook’s dark brown eyes widen and he pumps a fist into his chest a few times as he tries to get the remnants of spicy noodles dislodged from the back of his throat. Namjoon sent a bunch of texts this week making sure it was cool to bring someone to hangout night since he’d made a friend at work and wanted everyone to meet them. The way the texts were worded definitely didn’t give any indication that the friend he was bringing tonight was a woman. Maybe they did. Maybe he should have read more of them.
The muscular man before you holds the remaining food in his cheeks and waves bashfully with two fingers as he swallows. "Jungkook," he mumbles, as if the name itself is introduction enough and all but sprints from the room.
Seconds later, a new voice shrieks out from the other room. “What are you doing eating that?! Dinner will be ready soon! Jungkookie if you don’t put that down--!”
A dull smacking sound accompanies the clattering of silverware and plates. You swallow hard, trying to think about anything other than the way the young man had rushed out of the room at just the sight of you. Maybe you’re just that ugly.
“Hey! I’ll eat! I’ll eat! I promise!” Jungkook cries out. His voice drops an octave. “Namjoon is here.” Their conversation becomes indiscernible, but you can’t shake the feeling that you are definitely the subject of their quiet discussion.
You throw a worried glance in Namjoon's direction. "Did I do something wrong?" your voice is hushed as you work your sneakers off, trying to hold in the crazy amount of anxiety that threatens to unscrew the top of your head and send your brain exploding into the ceiling.
Namjoon shakes his head, unbothered by his friend’s odd behavior. "Honestly, I texted him a bunch this week to make sure it was cool and I got one-word replies so I'm wondering if he even read them." He bites his lip and spares a glance back at you, knowing he probably should have kept that to himself.
"Oh," your heart sinks into your stomach and threatens to fall out your butt as you straighten your spine. "If that's the case, should I... leave?"
"Leaf?!" A bright green piece of lettuce is thrust into your face. "How about a whole salad? You can't go before you try it! It's unbe-leaf-able."
You blink in rapid succession, trying to stifle a laugh at the cackle emanating from the man whose bony fingers are holding the lettuce. It sounds like a... windshield wiper? A giggle slips out, stronger than your will to keep it tucked behind your lips, and it only seems to make the grin on his face stretch impossibly wider. Heavy shoulders rise and fall with his laughter, causing the bright pink apron across his chest to wrinkle.
Namjoon groans. "This is--"
"Now do you smell that delicious flavor in the air? Because this just a taste of what you will find at my amazing restaurant 'Heart and Seoul'," he announces, cutting off the man beside you as he clutches the lettuce to his chest with eyes closed. "Where I give you a piece of my heart and soul... Some refer to me as Worldwide Handsome, others call me the God of Cookery. Some call me an angel and believe I fell from heaven." He bows with a flourish and takes your hand in his. "But you can call me..." He finally looks at you, a dark smoulder in his features that sets your cheeks on fire. "Later?"
He seals your fate with a gentle kiss to the back of your hand. Your jaw, which has been hanging open for some time, finally decides to snap itself shut.
"This is Seokjin, and he's going back into the kitchen to finish making dinner." Namjoon is already ushering his friend back towards the kitchen and chiding him as you purse your lips together to hide the smile spreading across your face. Did you just stumble into some alternate universe where all of the men you meet are ridiculously good-looking?
"It's nice to meet you, Seokjin," you call after them before letting your eyes wander around the room.
Paintings line the walls and photos sit on the bookshelf in the corner. As you approach the shelf to get a closer look, you realize those aren't books, but video games. There must be hundreds. Don't people use cloud storage for most of their games now? Your eyes curiously scan the photos on the top shelf. The man who had introduced himself as Jungkook is in all of them. There's another man in a couple that you don't recognize, but his gaze is piercing and cold when he's not smiling. You're able to pick Jimin and Namjoon out in a few, but it feels like looking at a family photo. Everyone seems so close; it makes you envious.
You lick your lips and can't help but admire the collection of video games underneath. You crouch to get a better look at the ones lining the bottom shelf. You're surprised to see there are games for all types of consoles: PS4, XboxOne, Switch, WiiU, Nintendo DS, SuperNintendo, PlaystationVita, PC... The list keeps going. Jealousy spikes your gut as you note a Mass Effect "SSV Normandy" ship figurine on the shelf above your head. You eye it with wonder and pride as your memories flood with the hours you spent playing the trilogy. Your fingers reach out to brush against the raised letters on the side of the ship.
"Have you played Mass Effect?" a quiet voice asks from behind you.
You jump in place and spin on the balls of your feet in a fluid motion that nearly sends you careening into the basketball shorts in front of you. Surprised by how close Jungkook is standing, you gasp and stumble back into the bookshelf, causing it to wobble and bring some of the frames filled with photos tumbling down onto your head. You wait for the impact but it never comes.
As you look up, Jungkook has several frames balanced on his arms and between his fingers, carefully maneuvering them away from you and back onto the shelf. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you! Namjoon told me you liked video games too and I saw you looking at the Normandy and I thought maybe you've played it. Ah, I'm sorry."
It's hard to miss the crestfallen way he rubs the back of his neck and stares at the floor once he places all the photos back on the shelf. You're still in shock that he caught everything before it smacked you in the head, but you force yourself to respond anyway. "No, it's okay. I'm just a jumpy person. It's my fault. I'm just glad I didn't break anything. I'm... asari? Get it? 'Cause like, I'm sorry... but also hot blue alien chicks, am I right?"
He smiles wide and laughs softly as he offers to help you up. As you take hold of his hand, you're quickly thrust to your feet with an ease you weren’t quite expecting. You steady yourself by reaching out to grip his arm, a movement you reverse the moment you feel the firm muscles beneath his t-shirt.
"Thanks," you mumble. Feeling his hand tense around yours, you take it back and twiddle your fingers. "So what decisions did you make? Renegade or Paragon? Rachni Queen? Samara's mission? Quarian and Geth dispute? Genophage?" You pause only to take a breath. "If you let Wrex die, we can't be friends."
He blinks at you a few times before breaking into a relaxed smile. “Of course not. What kind of monster do you think I am?”
You allow a relieved sigh to pass your lips. Maybe this wouldn’t be so painful after all.
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰
You must have made a good impression that night. It’s been nearly a month and Namjoon’s friends have started pulling you into their group texts and Saturday night plans. This had been fine by you since you rarely had anything going on. Honestly it was kind of nice to be included.
While you still don’t exactly know everyone, you feel fairly comfortable talking with your new friends. Seokjin is absolutely hilarious. He’s so full of himself that his cockiness rides the line between charming and annoying; it’s hard to decide which aspect overwhelms his personality more. But you know that you find him irrefutably, irritatingly attractive because of it.
Jungkook is still polite and rather gentlemanly towards you. Your conversation about Mass Effect was enough to tide over any residual awkwardness regarding your initial meeting. He’s just a muscular, nerdy introvert who seems genuinely nice. However, Namjoon insists that Jungkook is still hiding a louder, brattier side when you’re around. He’s got this theory that since you’re a friend of a friend, Jungkook is holding back his usual antics for some reason. The harmless little crush you’ve developed on him has you secretly holding out hope that it’s because he wants to ask you to be his girlfriend. You’ve considered asking Jin what he thinks, but that man has no tact and honestly you’re afraid he’d just ask Jungkook with you standing right there.
Hoseok is a ball of smiling energy, one who has been begging you to visit his dance studio. It’s hard to say no, but you’ve managed for this long because of the very real possibility that you won’t be able to do anything but stare at the dazzling way he moves. He seems to take pride in his ability to make others feel good and absolutely beams when he’s the cause of his friends’ happiness. You can easily see yourself talking to him without Namjoon around to act as a buffer, which is amazing for someone with your level of social anxiety.
Yoongi is quiet, but when he speaks his words are sharp with purpose. Some people might mistake that for coldness, but you can tell he has good intentions and a soft heart underneath. His pointed remarks in the group interrogations have poked fun at you, but never in a condescending or cruel manner. And it’s certainly not in the way you see him absolutely roast the others. Maybe he’s taking it easy on you.
Jimin is still so beautiful to look at it devastates you, leaving a flustered, stuttering mess behind every time he leaves. Now that he’s become aware of the effect he has on you, he’s been testing the waters of your friendship with some teasing that borderlines flirtation. But you have a feeling he’s just screwing with you because he finds it funny to see you squirm. You’re hoping to build the confidence to dish it back some day.
Taehyung has been a little standoff-ish, but Namjoon had already warned you about that. You wonder if it’s because he’s a hundred times richer than you’ll ever be. Despite seeming like he’s in a different social class, he still seems deeply fond of his friends, and relatively down-to-earth. He’s a bit quirky, but he’s an artist, so you expect that kind of thing.
Namjoon says that he’s known almost all of them since college, so he’s been able to absorb most of the discomfort associated with meeting new people. He’s sweet, and more relatable than you originally would have thought for an English professor. He’s kind of like a pillar that you never knew your life had been missing. And now that he’s got your back, you can’t go back.
The smell of coffee pervades the air as you skim an article on your phone regarding the latest Halloween skins for Overwatch. You’re supposed to be meeting Namjoon here but Seokjin, and Jimin showed up and have been chatting about their plans for the weekend. Apparently they throw a Halloween party every year and it’s Jimin’s turn to host. Seokjin is supposedly in charge of planning the decorations due to his love for theatrics and has been discussing the possibility of a haunted house walkthrough. You smile at the thought of Seokjin popping out of the shadows to drop fake spiderwebs on people. It sounds like the kind of thing he’d get off to.
Namjoon flops down on the couch next to you. “You’re coming, right?”
You’re broken from your thoughts as you scroll further down the page. “E-Excuse me?”
“The Halloween party. You coming?”
You look up from your phone, feeling everyone’s eyes on you. “I mean… I don’t want to intrude on your group thing.”
“You’re not intruding!” Jimin, Jin, and Namjoon’s voices all stack upon each other and you’re taken aback by the sound.
Jin frantically scrambles to make you feel included. “Y/N, we just assumed you were coming. Of course you’re invited! You can help me get everything set up for the scary walkthrough. Please come.”
“Don’t give her work to do that you should have already figured out,” Jimin hisses before sending a warm smile your way. “I’ll text you the address later. It’s a costume party so make sure to dress up!”
Your bottom lip unconsciously protrudes in a pout as you pass a discouraging look Namjoon’s way. “What are you going as?”
He gives you a heartfelt, dimpled smile. “Sherlock Holmes,” he says with the worst british accent you’ve ever heard in your life. “World’s greatest detective.” He drops his accent and starts gushing. “The tweed suit is fairly iconic and most people will recognize the costume so I think it’s a safe option. Originally, I was going to go as Judge Di but Jimin kept telling me no one would get it. It would take some research to really get a feel for how he’d dress, but I’d be willing to put in the work.”
Your eyebrows furrow. “Judge Dee? Like…. Judge... Ju...dy?” you trail off in confusion, immediately regretting your decision to ask.
Jimin throws his hands up as if this is the proof he’s needed to convince his friend that he’s wrong. “You see? I told you no one knows who that is.”
“Judge---! Really?!” Namjoon looks like he’s about to go off, but he shakes his head and sighs. “You know what? It’s okay. I look really good in a tweed suit. That’s all that matters.” He finished his statement by gesturing towards his chest.
You can’t help but laugh. “You’re such a dork.” You turn your attention to the others and raise your eyebrows at them. “What about you two?”
Jimin drags his teeth over his lip and shyly smiles. “I’m going as Iron Man. Tae’s been helping me build my costume for a while now.”
“Jungkookie and I are going as Luigi and Mario,” Jin proudly states he leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees while tenting his fingers. “I’m Mario, of course, since everyone knows he’s the best.”
You roll your eyes. “Sounds like you, Seokjin.”
“What will you come as?” he questions with a smirk, cocking a mischievous eyebrow at you.
“Well...” you hesitate, knowing that most costume shops will be sold out of anything interesting or slutty; at this point your options are limited unless you want to be a Crayola shit brown crayon. “I’m not sure yet,” you mumble, scratching your cheek sheepishly. “I only found out just now so I don’t have anything ready. I usually go over Jennie’s place, hand out candy in my pajamas and watch scary movies, so I don’t know if I should bail on her like that.”
Solid excuse. Great job, brain. Really. Can I sound like more of a loser?
“She can come too,” Jimin offers with a thoughtful tilt of his head and a warm smile. “It’s a very open party. Lots of people will be coming and going, so it’s no trouble if you want to invite more of your other friends, if that makes you comfortable.”
Other friends. Like you have more than this group and Jennie. You’re going to just pretend like you didn’t hear that part. You can already hear her shrieking at you to say you’ll be there. She loves dressing up and would be more than happy to exchange a night of handing out candy for a night of partying. You suppose you can always get some vampire teeth and dab some fake blood on your mouth, but it feels like a cop-out. It’s a solid back-up plan at the very least.
“Okay. I’ll think about it,” you murmur with a fleeting look of panic directed at Namjoon.
He offers a sympathetic smile and pats your shoulder. “It’s okay if you don’t come. I’m just saying there will be free food.”
Your spine straightens and you perk up.
“Free food?” The words on you’re about to utter spill from a different source. A chin drops into the space between Namjoon’s shoulder and yours. Jungkook’s hair is still wet, but thankfully it’s not long enough to brush against your skin. The soft, sweet, almost floral scent of his body wash wafts into your nose as you turn your head to look at him. You surmise he’s come directly from work if he’s showering in the late afternoon. You internally swat the butterflies playing with your ribcage, trying to remember how to act normal.
Jungkook smiles sweetly, his eyes nearly closing with how high his cheekbones have risen. “Where is this food?”
“At the Halloween party,” Namjoon comments with a dismissing wave of his hand. “I was just telling Y/N that she’ll miss out if she doesn’t come.”
Jungkook raises his eyebrows and drops his smile as his surprised stare pierces your periphery. “Oh, you’re not coming?”
“I was thinking about it.” You immediately feel the need to defend yourself. “I don’t have anything to wear.”
“So don’t wear--” Jungkook catches himself before the word anything comes out. “A costume,” he finishes simply, straightening his spine and clearing his throat. “I mean we can make an exception. No one’s gonna kick you out.”
A devilish grin spreads across Seokjin’s features. “I’m sure I can help you find a pink dress and crown if you’d like to be our lovely Princess Peach. We can give each other items.”
Jungkook’s eyes widen at his friend and Jin stares back with anticipation, waiting for him to make the mushroom joke he clearly set him up for. Jungkook purses his lips and quietly regards you. As the moment passes, Jin’s brow furrows and he crosses his arms in a huff, wishing that he’d said it instead. It’s been too long since you’ve blushed for his liking.
“Maybe I’ll show up in a leotard, spiked collar, and fishnets as Bowsette instead.” You nearly snort at your own joke.
Jungkook and Jin spill their surprise over one another.
“Whaa? Really?” Jin’s mouth hangs open, the image already permanently searing its way into his brain.
“You what?” Jungkook clamps his hands over the edge of the couch, hulking figure looming over you.
While Jimin and Namjoon are both oblivious what a Bowsette is, the words “spiked collar and fishnets” have certainly grabbed their attention as well.
You blink a few times, realizing how serious everyone has become as you sputter out a nervous laugh. “Kidding, guys. Kidding.”
Jin tuts in disappointment, slinking back into his chair. Jimin simply smiles. Namjoon breathes a relieved sigh. Jungkook starts walking away, distracted by the signage on the counter promoting a cinnamon chocolate chip milkshake.
“Besides, I’m more of a…” A lightbulb flicks on in your head and the thought comes spilling out your mouth before you can process it. “Oh, I have a cosplay from the gaming convention I went to a year ago. Maybe I can wear that.”
All three men lean forward, suddenly very interested in the concept of you using a cosplay as a Halloween costume. Jungkook’s head snaps in your direction just as he extends his hand to give his money to the cashier, but he drops it prematurely, sending coins scattering across the counter.
The sound causes all of you to look over at him and he quickly turns back to the cashier. She raises her eyebrows at him as he scrambles to recover all of the money for her. His ears turn bright red from the attention and you can’t help but put yourself in his shoes, cringing at the embarrassment coursing through your veins at the thought of swapping places.
Spinning back to face the others, you find Jin and Jimin on the edge of their seats, staring at you. Namjoon blinks at you and tilts his head expectantly. “You were saying?” he prods. “Something about an anime costume?”
Suddenly you’re embarrassed for yourself rather than Jungkook. “Don’t be weird, Joonie. It’s just a Princess Zelda cosplay.” You scratch your cheek in contemplation, murmuring, “Actually, I don’t even know if it still fits since I’ve gained some weight since then.”
Namjoon pats your shoulder assuringly. “Ah you’re fine. Don’t worry too much about it, ok?”
“He’s right. Just bring your smile, cutie,” Jimin says encouragingly.
You blush at the nickname and grin in response. He said it innocently enough, but you get the feeling that you reacted exactly as he had hoped because he exchanges a smug smirk with Seokjin. “See? Bring that.”
“Ah, you guys are embarrassing me,” you mumble, diving back into the article on your phone. “I’ll talk to Jennie about it later.”
Jungkook listens carefully as he tongues his cheek and waits for his drink to arrive at the counter. Are you really going to show up in that? He pulls out his phone and starts skimming amazon. There’s no way he can pass up the opportunity, regardless of what’s at stake.
A familiar veiny hand sets the drink down on the counter, and he outstretches his palm. “Service was good, yeah?”
Jungkook looks up from the checkout page and locks eyes with Yoongi. He scoops a large portion of whipped cream from beneath the lid and pops it in his mouth thoughtfully, smacking his lips as he washes it down with a sip through his straw. Yoongi raises his eyebrows at him expectantly, but remains silent.
“Hmm, I’ve had better. Maybe if I had some more whipped cream?” Jungkook suggests as he tilts his cup forward and gives it the tiniest shake, shit-eating grin strewn across his features.
Unblinking, Yoongi squirts a puff of cream into the top of the container before loudly setting the can on the counter. Satisfied, Jungkook reaches into his pocket and fishes out some money for a generous tip. “See this is why you’re my favorite barista. You always make it just how I like it.”
Yoongi forces a smile as he stuffs the cash into the half-filled tip jar. “The Java Stop values your patronage, customer.”
He catches a glimpse of Jungkook’s phone screen before the younger man snatches it from the counter and walks away. What the hell is he up to?
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰
You curse your past self for choosing Zelda’s outfit from Twilight Princess rather than Breath of the Wild; style over comfort rarely is a good choice, but it’s a choice you often repeat without forethought. It’s tighter than you remember, and not just because there’s a corset sewn into the chestpiece. As you sit in the passenger’s seat of Jennie’s Civic, you fidget with the hem of your dress. Without taking her eyes off the road, she reaches over and slaps your hand.
“Stop it. You look great.”
You rub the back of your wrist and pout, knowing it does nothing to change her mind. You eye her tattered dress, wishing you could pull off something so slutty with the same confidence she does. White contacts make her look even more ethereal than she normally does. Natural waves and curls poke out from beneath the bent witch’s hat atop her head and you can’t help but admire her beauty.
“I look like a nerd,” you say, feeling shittier the longer you compare yourself to her. It’s not her fault. You’re just insecure and wish that you could be more like her rather than the you that you are.
“You are a nerd,” she laughs. “What’s wrong with that?”
You smile. “Nothing, I guess. I don’t know why I’m so worried about it. It’s not like I’m gonna be getting laid any time soon. This costume solidifies it.” Negativity is something you’re used to dosing yourself with, but you know it’s an action you need to work at correcting.
“Hey if no one wants to fuck you in a Zelda costume, do they even deserve to fuck you?” Jennie asks, wagging her pointer at the ceiling as if scolding some invisible source above. “I don’t fucking think so.” She tuts for a second. “So speaking of… Which ones are off limits?”
You scoff and stiffen in your seat, trying to play dumb. “What? What’s off limits?”
“Y/N,” she starts in an accusatory tone. “I’m sure there will be lots of hot people there, but I’m talking about seven hot people in particular. Now if they came up to me and said ‘hey Jennie you so fine you wanna suck all seven of our dicks?’ I’d be like hell yeah I’ma suck all seven dicks. Get in a circle and let me at ‘em.”
You smack your hand to your forehead, wishing you could purge that image from your brain.
“Now I’m just saying in this hypothetical situation that I would never turn down going down on any of them if they asked. Unless I remembered that one time you told me you were crushing, maybe, just maybe I wouldn’t suck that particular dick.”
“We’re about to go see these people. I don’t want to be thinking about this while sipping my drinks across from Seokjin. That man can smell fear, shame, and insecurity,” you mumble, looking out the window at the trees lining the side of the road.
“So that’s why we get it out now before we get there. Can’t possibly slip out if you’ve already got it out of your system,” she explains with a confident smirk.
You cross your arms and give yourself a moment to truly think about the seven men. You certainly find all of them attractive, but crossing that line might make things weird. But maybe, hypothetically… “I don’t know… They’re all pretty hot in their own way…”
“You’ve got to be attracted to one more than the others,” she prods. “Come on, Y/N. Which one does it for you?”
Your tongue clicks against the roof of your mouth before you sigh. “I guess…” You subconsciously lick your lips and give it a few seconds before the memory of falling picture frames surfaces in your mind. An embarrassed smile flickers across your face as you give your quiet, honest answer. “J-Jeon… Jungkook.”
“The young one!” Her mouth falls open. She drums her fingers against the steering wheel excitedly and spares a delightful, yet surprised look at you for a fraction of a second before her eyes return to the road. “Really? I never would have guessed. But I haven’t talked to him much honestly. Doesn’t he work at that nerdy-looking gym you almost joined? What was it, Iron Kingdom? You could always sign up for personal training. Ya know, get some one-on-one time with those muscles...”
“He’ll think I’m dumb for not knowing how to do anything,” you mumble. “Besides that’s not why.”
You shake your head and pause to start counting the list on your fingers. “Okay so he’s got muscles, a cute laugh, he likes video games, he literally always smells so fucking good, he has a great smile, he’s nice, and like he’s so mature for his age. I’m so surprised.”
“I mean from the few times I’ve seen him, I thought for sure he’d be a tool and a major shithead,” she admits.
“I know, but seriously don’t judge a book by its cover. He’s been so chill and respectful and has made me feel so welcome over the last few weeks. None of that fuckboy shit you’d expect to get with younger guys like, he doesn’t talk over me, no mansplaining, he looks me in the eyes and not at my tits, and listens when I say something, even if it’s just me talking about my day.” You pause, registering the words you just said. “Wow, the bar is really low, isn’t it?”
“Sad, but true.” She nods, glancing at the GPS on the dashboard. It’s says you’re nearly there, but it’s kind of further out from the city than you’d both been expecting.
She laughs, mulling over everything you’ve said. “He seems kinda shy. You probably need to make the first move. Maybe you should tell him you have a big fat crush on him. Tell him you wanna hold his hand. Do you think he’d blush? I bet he would. I bet he has a cute flustered face. You should totally do it.”
Recalling the way his ears turned red at the cafe causes you to purse your lips, but the action can’t hide the smile curling at the corners of your mouth. So you have a little crush on Jungkook. Who wouldn’t? He’s practically flawless and totally swoon-worthy. Your heart races as you imagine his reaction to your outfit. Would he be taken aback by how good you look as one of the hottest, most iconic female characters in gaming history? He’s a huge geek so you know there’s a possibility that he could appreciate it. Sweaty fingers work their way down your wig, carefully smoothing out any loose strands. You hope he does.
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰
Walking into Jimin’s place feels like entering a mansion. He told you that he lives with two other people from the same modeling agency, but you didn’t realize how big the place would be. Seokjin’s ability to gather this many decorations and display them with such attention to ambiance is certainly a feat worthy of praise. You find yourself lost in the orange and yellow lights that border each doorway and drape along the walls. Their soft glow is comforting as you walk down the dim hallway, exploring the house just enough to find the table filled with fruits and snacks.
Jungkook is nowhere to be seen and you find yourself breathing a sigh of relief as you sip punch out of a red plastic cup, filling a plate with an excessive amount of strawberries, peaches, and other sweet fruits. Contrary to your previous belief that admission would mean freedom from the thoughts swirling in your brain, uttering the words out loud has made you paranoid that everyone now knows about your secret crush. You’re hoping that drinking will remove the worry from your brain, so you do your best to down the liquid fast and refill your cup.
Jennie immediately hit it off with one of Jimin’s roommates moments after walking in. You’re envious because holy fuck that guy is tall and jacked, and he’s wearing a Captain America outfit. Jennie is about to make out with Captain America and you’re gulping down spiked punch from a little plastic cup. You appreciate being able to silently agree to split, but know that you have each other’s back if either of you were to suddenly express interest in leaving, even if Captain America is balls deep.
She’s an extrovert. She loves socializing. Tossing a strawberry into your mouth, you eye the table of snacks again. You don’t. You love food. Food or sex would be a tough toss-up for you depending on the menu, and in this situation food definitely wins. There’s a buffet table of appetizers looping around the room and into the kitchen. It doesn’t get much better than this, especially knowing it was catered by Seokjin’s restaurant.
You remove a glove and tuck it beneath your armpit as you stuff your face full of sweet treats and survey the amount of people on the dance-floor. There are a good amount of people here --some with ludicrous costumes-- and it makes you feel better about being able to blend in.
You had arrived fashionably late only because Jennie may have passed the house a few times, thinking this place couldn't possibly be it. A hand skates around the periphery of your vision and you frown as it attempts to surreptitiously claim a peach slice from your plate. Following the hand to its owner, you find a smile quickly claiming your mouth in place of the previous sour grimace.
"There's plenty of peaches left over there," you say, pointing to the table of snacks beside you.
"Mmm," Namjoon hums as he pockets the fruit in his cheek. "But this pile is better. I can deduce that you've already picked out the best pieces, Zelda."
You look him over from head to toe, examining the details of his tweed suit. You hate to admit he's looking dapper as fuck in this outfit. Despite often wearing three-piece suits to work, you rarely have time to stop and really appreciate just how flattering they are on his frame. Your eyes settle on the dark brown silk carefully knotted around his neck. "Don't you get sick of wearing ties?"
His eyes widen and he blinks at you as if you'd just told him that he sat in some gum. "Do you think I should have gone with the bow-tie? I spent hours weighing the pros and cons to both and which would be more quintessential to the whole ensemble. Did I make the wrong choice?"
You open your mouth to respond, meaning to allay his concerns and tell him that he looks fine, but he interrupts rather quickly. "You know what, don't say anything. I brought the bow-tie as a backup. It's upstairs in the guest bedroom. I'll go put it on."
You grab his arm just as he's about to leave, noting the plate full of chicken wings precariously balanced on one hand. "Namjoon. Chill. Your tie looks fine. I was only asking because I would strangle myself if I wore one all the time. Now gimme some of that chicken."
His eyes dart from you to the plate in his hand and his anxiety seems to visibly melt away, replaced with a soft smile. "I'm overthinking again, huh?"
The words have never come easier than they do now. "No shit, Sherlock."
At that he offers a laugh. "How about a trade? I share the wings for access to the princess's treasury of peaches."
"Deal," you agree with a smirk, wiggling your eyebrows up and down. "Wanna people-watch with me?"
He nods enthusiastically as he tosses a handful of fresh fruit directly from your plate into his mouth. "I was gonna wander aimlessly and socialize but this sounds way better."
"Glad we're on the same page," you murmur into the chicken wing at your lips, sucking the sauce off of it and scanning the room for any particular eye-catching costumes.
The flash of red, flowing satin catches your eye. Is someone wearing a bathrobe? Seriously? The taste of hot buffalo sauce causes your lips to tingle as you note the soft, fuzzy edges of the robe. It looks comfy, actually.
You elbow Namjoon in the ribs, directing his attention to the slender, black-haired figure gliding across the room. Namjoon opens his mouth as if to identify the stranger, but the flourish of the robe beats him to it. As the material spins, you catch a glimpse of tan skin peeking out from the chest, long legs exposed as he reaches for the sash at his waist.
The silk billows as it comes undone, cascading to the floor like a river of crimson. There's no mistaking it. You're now staring at the nearly nude, half-painted body of Kim Taehyung. You can't help the way you jaw drops open at the sight of so much skin being flaunted seemingly without a care in the world. Namjoon's hand flies up to cover your eyes, as if he's going to spare you the sight you've already taken in. Now that you've seen Taehyung in a thong, there's no going back.
Sauce-covered fingers pry his away from your eyes just in time to meet the piercing gaze of the man across the room. Is it mirth or anger that graces his features? It's hard to tell with a paintbrush trapped in the box his teeth make. He takes lazy strides across the room as you struggle to keep your eyes off the unforgiving fabric outlining every last curve of his dick. It's not until he's closer that you notice the thin belts crossing his hips, which appear to be holding six tubes of paint, three strapped to each side like gun-holsters. You have to admit they frame his crotch rather nicely.
It takes every ounce of willpower you possess to keep your eyes trained on his face. He carefully takes the paintbrush out from between his teeth and extends it to you. "Draw something pretty on me, Y/N. You too, Joon. Tonight I'm a human canvas on display for the universe."
Your eyebrow quirks as you exchange a look with Namjoon and set your plate down. "You know people are just going to draw a bunch of dicks on you, right?"
He scoffs, waving off your concerns. "Don't be so negative. I will have a beautiful mural by the end of the night. Mark my words."
"I think you're putting too much trust in the goodness of human nature," Namjoon comments, his lips pressing together in an attempt to hide the amused grin that is quickly spreading across his features.
Taehyung cocks his head to the side and leans forward with a lopsided grin. You're afraid he's about to get even closer and whisper some dirty secret into your ear. Instead he asks in a breathy, low tone, "Princess Zelda wouldn't draw such dirty things on me, would she?"
Twirling the thick handle of the paintbrush between your fingers, your eyes dip to the paints secured at his waist. His eyes chase the trail yours make down his side and his delight splits his mouth into a goofy grin. "Oh. Help yourself." He gestures to the colors available with a sweep of his hands just above his hips. "Feel free to use your fingers instead.” He pauses when your mouth falls open slightly. “You know, to paint... Just be careful what you grab, Princess," he jokes.
Removing your other glove with your teeth, you drape them over your shoulder and reach out for the tube of yellow paint, trying to hide the way your hand trembles. He looks down and smiles as the cold paint touches his skin. Before long you have the faint shape of 3 triangles at the center of his chest.
“How fitting,” he murmurs, offering an amused hum as you fill in the last triangle with a glob of yellow that threatens to run down his torso.
“Oops, sorry,” you apologize, moving to tap the brush against the excess, but he grabs your wrist before the bristles can make contact with his skin again.
“That’s alright. Let it do what it does. I like it like this,” he says, watching the clump of paint slowly slide down his midriff. “Besides I’m sure someone else can use it.”
“Like Sherlock!” you suggest, holding the paintbrush out for your companion.
Namjoon takes it begrudgingly and uses the excess yellow to draw a small smiley face beside the triforce symbol.
“Cute,” Taehyung laughs as he takes the paintbrush back from Namjoon. “I love it. Thanks guys.”
Just as he turns to find his next artist, a long object bars his path, pressing against his chest just above the collarbone. You follow the shape of the bar to its owner, revealing a grinning Hoseok clad in an officer’s uniform.
“That’s a bold choice Taehyungie,” he says, securing the faux nightstick into a loop at his waist. “Just make sure you keep that thing on…” He gestures to the small bit of material at Taehyung’s crotch and holds up a pair of handcuffs with his index finger before continuing, “or I’ll have to arrest you for indecent exposure.”
“Impersonating an officer is a crime, you know,” Namjoon says, even as he’s reaching out to touch the shiny metal. “Wait. Where did you get these? Are they real?”
You squint at the device in Namjoon’s hands, looking for the safety release latch like the cheap pair you bought to use with your ex. You don’t see it. That can only mean that these are the kind where losing the keys would have real consequences. But you’re not about to out yourself as the kinky freak you are, so you bring your nearly forgotten drink to your lips and guzzle what’s left in the cup.
As the empty plastic hits the table, your eyes happen to trail across the room and land on a crowd of people gathering around a very impressive, fully-lit Iron Man costume. Jimin seems to be soaking the attention up as the crowd grows ever larger. The massive room has begun to diminish in size, and it’s as though the once comforting lights are now wilting and closing in on you, threatening to strangle the air from your lungs. The adrenalin spiking your veins is telling you it’s time to seek the comfort of open space and solitude. Fast.
You duck beneath Namjoon and Hoseok’s arms, carefully sidestepping around Taehyung to avoid brushing against the wet paint on his skin. “I’m gonna get some air. Try not to get cuffed, Sherlock,” you manage to joke with a smile before turning on your heels and booking it from the room.
If anyone responds to your joke or even acknowledges your exit at all, it’s lost on your ears. Sweat beads on the back of your neck as you hastily attempt to make your way down the hall. If you can just get outside, you can breathe. You’ll be fine. You know it.
Warm bodies clutter the path to your freedom and you can’t help but feel more and more breathless by the never-ending apologies spewing from your mouth as you squeeze past each blockade. You don’t feel like yourself, even as you speak. Taking in sharp, greedy breaths like this isn’t helping. Why is this place so devoid of oxygen? Your body moves on autopilot, seeing the faces of the people you pass, but not feeling their eyes on you.
You float out of the front door, your head as light as a feather, but your eyelids feel like they’ve been anchored. You’re positive you’re about to gracefully glide down the front steps, legs becoming amorphous blobs beneath you that will surely allow you to fly. Just as you’re leaning into the momentum of gravity, two pairs of hands steady your shoulders and criss-cross around your midriff.
“Deep breaths,” Jennie’s voice briefly cuts through the ringing in your ears.
“Do you need to sit down?” The other voice spills into your eardrum as a rushed whisper, one that’s dripping with concern.
Huh? You work on steadying your breathing instead of trying to answer.
“What did she drink?” the familiar voice asks Jennie, the brief flicker of panic quashed by the evenness of his tone. “How much has she had?”
“Relax, Yoongi. Not even our lightweight champion gets drunk that fast,” Jennie reassures him as they help you seat yourself on the top step. “Are you familiar with panic attacks?”
Yoongi rubs the back of his neck and nods silently, backing up to give you some space.
“Jennie. I’m fine now. Thank you,” you mumble, shaking your head and regaining your sense of self. “I’m glad you have my back.”
“Of course. I saw you in the hall and I just knew.”
You jump when you meet the gaze of her white, eerie contacts, which causes both her and Yoongi to laugh. You look up at Yoongi. He shoves his hands into his pockets, long flowing shirt obscuring any flesh poking out from beneath it.
“Hey, you’re not dressed up,” you blurt, realizing he’s sporting a very goth, natural Yoongi look.
He scoffs before bending at the waist and baring his teeth. A single vampire fang is affixed to one of his canines.
You tilt your head like a dog hearing a strange noise. “What, only one fang?”
“Just as dangerous, princess,” he warns with a smirk, standing up straight.
You swear you see a wink, but then again maybe you’re imagining it. You have been known to exaggerate things in your head. Still your stomach somersaults and you focus your attention on Jennie. “I’m okay. I think I’m gonna chill out here for a bit. Get back in there and dance with… god what was his name? Jackson? Jae-beom?”
“Jin-young,” she corrects before biting her lip and glancing back towards the house.
“Go. Hottie McYoungie won’t wait forever,” you tease and point your thumb over at the man hovering above you. “Don’t worry. I’ll be fine with toothless over here.”
Yoongi rolls his eyes at the nickname but nods at Jennie. The answer seems to be satisfactory and she gifts you with a tight hug. “Text me if you need anything, okay?”
“Okay. Love you. Now go get laid.” You whisper to her before playfully pushing her back. Before you know it she’s scrambling up the steps and slips back inside, tattered dress swinging wildly with the sway of her hips, revealing just enough of her fishnet-clad thighs to draw Yoongi’s attention. There’s a fraction of a second where he wets his lips as he watches her go, but it’s gone in the blink of an eye. You don’t have time to tease because his dark eyes fall to you.
“Is there anything I can do?” His face is stoic but you can hear the sincerity in his tone.
“Wanna take a walk with me? I’d like to keep away from the big crowd.”
“I know the perfect place,” he says, hopping down from the steps and offering you his hand.
You take it with a smile and rise to your feet, carefully moving down the steps as you dust off your butt. The night air is a bit chilly and you start to work your gloves back up your arms to fight the goosebumps forming there.
That’s when you hear it. You want to misread the sound for a flute, recorder, oboe, or even someone’s radio, but you know those are all incorrect assumptions. It’s an ocarina: an ocarina playing a crude rendition of the opening to ‘Gas Pedal.’
Turning slowly, nothing can prepare you for the sight before you. Jungkook stands on the top step of the porch dressed in a green cap and tunic, tan leggings, and the ugliest dark brown boots you’ve ever seen in your life. He’s got the ocarina nestled between his lips, slowly descending each step with a roll of his hips that accentuates the definition of muscles behind the thin material hugging the shape of his legs.
Your eyes are wide, mouth falling open in surprise. “Jungkook?”
As he jumps down the last step he stops the tune and cups the ocarina in his hands, bowing slightly. “Princess.”
“What are you doing?” you ask, biting back the intimidated voice in your head that’s telling you you’re being picked on.
“What does it look like I’m doing?” he asks in a low tone, a crooked smile crossing his features as he takes a few tempered steps towards you.
You swallow. How are you supposed to answer that? You take a deep breath, trying to drive off the urge to run as he advances on you. Yoongi takes a few steps back and folds an arm over his torso, cupping his elbow as he brings a knuckle to rest against his mouth with intrigue. He couldn’t hold out for one more day? Should I step in? He brings his weight to the front of his foot, ready to diffuse the situation.
“It looks like you’re trying to fuck with me.” You stand your ground, clasping your gloved fingers and calmly resting them against your dress in true Zelda fashion.
Yoongi’s weight shifts back, retracting the step he had taken. A direct accusation isn’t exactly something he would have expected from you, but he finds himself pleased nonetheless. He certainly chose a difficult target this time.
Jungkook gets close enough that you can see the tick of his jaw and the part of his lips as he drags his eyes across your form, settling on the cleavage created by your corset. “Some of those words were right.” He pauses, leaning to whisper against the shell of your ear. “Can you guess which ones, Princess?”
Heat consumes your face as his posture straightens. He doesn’t budge past the space he’s already claimed as his, but he doesn’t move forward again to invade yours. He watches, basking in the full on show your face puts on for his own entertainment. First comes the confusion, next realization, and then shame.
It’s hard to tell if he’s coming onto you or picking on you. You swallow, throat growing drier by the second. “You knew I was coming as Zelda. Weren’t you coming as something else?”
He throws his head back enough to feign exasperation while keeping his eyes trained on you. “Come on. You don’t like my costume?”
Instead of giving you time to answer, he brings the ocarina back to his lips and blows an obnoxious amount of air through the hollow space inside, producing a piercing rendition of ‘Talk Dirty to Me.’
Your shoulders raise as you inhale, suppressing the irritation bubbling within your belly. You wince, turning your head as a particularly shrill note escapes the instrument. Yoongi’s expression sours as he plugs both ears with his fingers.
Jungkook immediately stops playing and offers a sheepish grin. “Oops. I learned that one for you. Maybe I need more practice. Do you want to help me?” He briefly pauses to wet his lips, presenting the ocarina to you. “I can show you how to blow.”
You grind your teeth as your jaw ticks back and forth a few times before answering, “No thanks.”
Yoongi silently tents his fingers over his forehead and tries to massage the secondhand embarrassment from his skull. This is a trainwreck waiting to explode and at this point there’s no looking away.
Jungkook raises his eyebrows at you as he stuffs the ocarina into a small brown pouch hanging from the flimsy belt at his waist. “Ah. Sorry, Princess. I don’t mean to insult you. You’ve probably already mastered the art. Hah. Maybe you could show me a thing or two?”
Unable to form a proper response, your lips purse as the wheels in your head spin. Say something clever. Think of a comeback. Something. Come on. But here you stand, mind blanking for even the simplest of clapbacks. You’re having trouble coming to terms with the fact that your innocent little crush on the once “sweet” Kookie has come crumbling down with his facade, leaving your chest aching with the humiliation of your naivety.
He looks you over, admiring the artistry in the gown you’ve lovingly crafted. For a moment he’s lost in the embroidery stitched into the sash swaying in the breeze of a chilly October night. “I love your…” he trails off, eyes darting across your shape to capture every last detail of your attire.
He pays special mind to the gems adorned at your hips, and the heavy-looking chain belt which links the sash to your dress. He marvels over the color and velvet texture chosen for the purple corset at your torso. The sheer attention to detail and craftsmanship in your costume stuns him into silence for half a second.
His eyes reach the perky mounds of flesh peeking over the top of the corset. Miraculously his voice resurfaces. “...costume.”
The way his dark eyes linger on your chest isn’t lost on you. Your cheeks burn in the cool air, despite the goosebumps littering your arms. You cross your arms over your chest, higher than you normally would to combat his lurid gaze. The green hat atop his head folds over itself as he cocks to one side. Dark, hungry eyes snap to yours, voicelessly pouting at your blockade. For a split second a guilty excitement pulses through you, but you’ll be damned if you’re the cause of an obviously already inflated ego.
“You never said what you think of mine,” he prods. His eyebrows wiggle up and down as he slowly runs his hands along his torso, as if feeling himself up is going to sway your opinion.
You tell yourself not to fall for it, that he’s playing you for a fool right now. Still, your jaw is tight as your eyes helplessly follow the flow of his fingers down his body. His pinky purposefully catches on the flimsy pleather strap acting as the belt at his waist. An impish grin spreads across his face as he notes the way your chest stutters out the breath you’d unknowingly held. Satisfied, his hands continue their languid journey down his body. Your eyes are glued to the way he traces the contours of his thighs.
Finally his fingers dig into the meat of his those muscles and you feel the need to look away before answering. “I hate it.”
He sighs. “Hate is a strong word. Are you sure that’s how you really feel? Why don’t you look at me when you say that?”
Strengthening your resolve, you force your eyes back to his smug face. Stupid doesn’t even begin to cover how you’re feeling at this point. Biting back tears, you swallow hard and do your best to remain composed. Here he stands, a crooked smile amplifying the air of arrogance surrounding him. He’s playing you. He’s been playing you this whole time hasn’t he?
“I don’t even know who you really are, do I?” your voice cracks, only adding to your humiliation.
“I’m the bad guy. Duh.” With that he cackles as he pulls the ocarina from his pouch, proceeding to play the melody from ‘Bad Guy.’
You spin on your heels and storm past Yoongi, the blood rushing through your ears in a distraught rage, drowning out the bitter sound of the notes. A pang of guilt strikes the half-assed vampire as he stares at his friend. “One more day. You couldn’t make one more day?”
Jungkook shrugs, making his way back up the stairs. “If you see Hobi, tell him I’ll have his money tomorrow.”
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰
Dragging your hands across your face, you keep your gaze cast towards the ground.
How fucking idiotic, how self-absorbed have you been to assume that he’s been nice because he likes you and not because he was playing some game with you? He's probably just been waiting for an opportunity like this and you fell right into his trap. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
A hand clamps down on your shoulder and you spin, ready to deck the person you assume to be Jungkook. Yoongi's eyebrows raise as you stand poised to punch. He ducks to the side just in time. As you realize your mistake, it's too late. The momentum brings you forward.
His arms come up around you in a soft embrace, one that you're quick to return. "It's just me," he mumbles, kneading his thumb against your back. "...Sorry."
You bury your face into his shoulder, allowing the tiara to slip from your head and hit the soft ground with a dull thud. Why is he apologizing? He didn't do anything wrong. You want to tell him that, but any sound you make might bring about a slew of tears you've been holding back. Instead you just squeeze your arms around him even tighter.
He awkwardly pats your back a few times, not quite knowing what to do with the hug that's lasting longer than anticipated. Sensing his discomfort, you pull away and adjust your wig as you offer an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry."
A figure approaches, bending down to pick up the forgotten adornment. Out of the corner of your eye you see him rub the dirt off the tiara. Jin carefully places it on your head. "A princess should have a crown."
You look him over, noting the giant overalls, red newsboy cap and hideous fake mustache. You can't help but laugh as he forces a hard blink and puckers his lips, alternating lifting sides of his mouth so the mustache comically tweaks itself in a seesaw motion. "I like your costume," you manage between giggles.
He grins back, donning an over-the-top Italian accent. "I a-like-a yours too! A beautiful costume for a beautiful a-woman."
"Please stop," Yoongi groans.
Jin ignores him, fiddling with the corner of his mustache. "I don't-a know where my brother went. I think he's a-scared of the haunted mansion."
You roll your eyes at the joke. That's right. Jungkook was supposed to be Luigi. "He's busy playing a dick for the night."
A look of realization washes over him and he nods, puffing out air through overly inflated cheeks. "Hmm. You know what might-a make you feel better? Helping me scare-a the pants off of people!"
He folds his elbow and holds it out for you, tempting you to lace yours around it. Channeling your bruised ego and hurt feelings into scaring people for fun? That might just work. You feed your elbow through the crook in his. "Zelda and Mario working together."
Jin laughs. "The dream-a team!" He makes a motion to skip towards the outer entrance to the basement that he's dressed up with spiderwebs and a large, hand-made sign that says "MARIO'S GHOST HOUSE." Beside the entrance is a giant blown-up decoration of King Boo, its pink tongue flapping in the breeze.
As you're tugged in the direction of his creation, he stops abruptly. "Oh, we haven't had that many people though. So we have to make the few that come through count!"
Yoongi's eyes light up. "Hey. I’ve got an idea. I’ll get you a the best customer. But you have to really scare him. I promise it will make your night."
Puzzled, you furrow your brows and tilt your head. “Okay…?”
Jin grins like a maniac as Yoongi makes his way towards the front of the house. “Come on. I’ll show you the best spots to hide.”
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰
About twenty minutes have passed since Yoongi left in search of his promised customer. Only a few people have wandered in. You have to admit it’s therapeutic to watch people scream and jump when you bang on the false walls within the maze Jin has somehow constructed in this basement. Watching people run up the final stairs to safety leaves you with a feeling of satisfaction, always giving Jin a prideful high-five before returning to the beginning to await more guests.
“Ah! My-a new-a guests!” you hear Jin enthusiastically greet the latest people to stop at the entrance. “Are you a-ready to have fun?”
There’s some hushed whispering that you can’t quite make out from your hiding place within the set.
“Don’t be such a pussy,” Yoongi chides loudly. “Seokjin made this. Do you really think it’s that scary?”
“P-Pussy?” Hoseok stares wide-eyed at his friend and scoffs. “Don’t be rude. I just know Seokjin. It will be worse than whatever I think”
Is that Hobi? You were kind of hoping Yoongi would get Jungkook to walk through. Knowing what you do now though, you have no doubt that Jungkook would be unphased by something like this. All you can hear in your head is the echo of his obnoxious laughter and a pang of hurt slices through your heart. God, you’re so stupid.
Yoongi points to the Boo’s tongue flapping in the wind. “It will be like that, probably. It’s silly to be so afraid.”
Hoseok bounces from foot to foot in uncertainty. Even a police uniform can’t steel his spine or guarantee safety. “Why should I do this to myself?”
Yoongi sighs. “I’ll help you look at new places and… help you move. I’ll even be your roommate if the rent is too high.”
Hoseok is beaming. How long has he been asking for help searching? Jin looks from one man to the other, hiding the subtle smile beneath his mustache. He knew Hoseok wouldn’t go in so easily, that something had to be offered up, but he really didn’t expect Yoongi to go so far.
Hoseok points at Jin. “You’re my witness. I go through this and he’s my roommate.”
“If the rent is too high only,” Yoongi tries to reason, but it’s too late. Hoseok has heard what he wants to hear. He grabs his friend and marches into the depths of the basement.
Immediately you bang the walls on their journey down, feeling Jin rush past you to set up for the next scare. Hobi screams. “Never mind! Never mind!”
Yoongi scoffs, dragging his friend forward. “Come on, officer.”
You listen for their footsteps as you circle the walls behind the maze. Hobi’s frantic yelling breaks through the room, slipping into loud curses. You pull your glove up and wait, peeking through the hole you’re hoping he’ll get close enough to. Even shrouded in shadows, Yoongi’s form peeks out from around the corner.
“Don’t think about the dark,” Yoongi says, slowly shuffling towards the wall with Hoseok crouched behind him, using him as a shield from any more scares. “Think about how you bet Jungkook he couldn’t stop himself from trying to get in Y/N’s pants, not even for one month.”
You freeze. Yoongi knows you can hear him, right? He has to know.
“Think about how well he was doing. You would have been cleaning his house tomorrow. Maid Hobi, bound by servitude.”
“I know…” Hoseok groans. “It would have been awful. He’s so messy! I wouldn’t even be getting paid! What was I thinking?”
“But instead, he bet you a month’s rent that he could,” Yoongi continues loudly. “He blew it tonight for the chance to dress up as Link and tease Zelda. He only had one more day.”
“He’s a dumbass,” Hobi comments with a nod, turning to look at the ceiling and making sure nothing is going to drop down on him.
You swallow, taking in the revelation Yoongi has just bestowed upon you. All this time you had spent thinking Jungkook was a sweet gentleman was actually due to Hoseok making a bet with him? You would rather have known Jungkook was a dick straight up because now the innocent, harmless crush you have on him feels so dirty and foul that you wish you could swipe it from existence.
It’s Jungkook’s fault. He lied. He pretended. You know this. But still you can’t help but partially blame Hobi for the bitter taste in your mouth. As Yoongi passes, you reach out, letting your fingers swipe down Hobi’s forearm and retract through the hole in the wall as he lets out a high-pitched scream.
“Hoseok, get off.” Yoongi tries to push away the man climbing onto his back.
“Something grabbed me! Something grabbed me!” Hoseok wraps his legs around Yoongi’s waist and huddles close to his neck pointing. “Over there! It grabbed me from over there!”
“Let’s keep moving, then.”
“No! No more! I’m standing right here until the sun comes up.”
“How is it standing if your feet aren’t touching the ground? I won’t carry you all night,” Yoongi says, adjusting his stance to compensate for the weight on his back.
“You will, too,” he pouts.
Jin helps you position a furry spider decoration above them, slowly dangling it lower until it finally hits Hoseok’s shoulder. The wail that escapes this grown ass man almost makes you feel bad. Almost. He swats the creature into darkness as he spurs Yoongi on by digging his heels into his belly. “Get me out of here! Please!”
Jin’s shoulders move up and down with the sound of his laughter as he slaps your hand in victory. Scaring Hobi made you feel a little better at least.
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰
The party has died down quite a bit and at this point Jimin has been passing you far too many drinks as he and Namjoon regale you with tales from college. Namjoon is clearly feeling toasty, laughing like a dork at every memory Jimin brings up. Apparently they were roommates and Jimin has a liberal arts degree from four years of being undecided.
Your head lolls around to rest on Namjoon’s shoulder, your backs pressed against the bottom of the couch as Jimin sits cross-legged in sweats and a t-shirt on the floor before you, his costume laying discarded beside him. He’s spinning his latest story of how Namjoon had accidentally thrown up on some girl he really liked. Yoongi silently lays on the couch behind you, smirking with his eyes closed. You can’t tell if he’s sleeping or just relaxing as you struggle to stand, using Namjoon’s shoulder as leverage to prop yourself up.
“Bathroom?” you ask distractedly, searching the room like a door will appear if you look hard enough.
Jimin smiles pointing at the doorway across the room. “Go out that door, take a left down the hall. It’ll be on your right.”
Your head dips a bit as you try to take in the directions. Namjoon looks up at you as you stumble forward, clearly off-balance. “Do you need some help, geeksquad?”
“I’m fine,” you mumble, hating the nickname he’s given you from work. “I’ll be right back. Don’t drink my drink.” You narrow your eyes at Jimin and he blinks at you in surprise, like you’ve accused him of such a heinous, unthinkable crime.
Rounding the corner, you pass a grinning Taehyung being led upstairs by a cute girl in a red beret, black and white striped shirt, and miniskirt with suspenders. Art hoe? Mime? It’s hard to tell what her costume might be. While his skin is covered in a beautiful mess of colors, your tri-force symbol still stands untouched at the center of his chest. You smile as you watch him climb the steps, clearly distracted. But as his back is revealed, your eyes widen at the sight of a mural of painted dicks. Well. At least he can’t see them.
You walk down the hall for what feels like an eternity, passing a few closed doors on either side. Maybe you should try one? Knocking on the one closest to you once, the door swings in and you lose your balance, not expecting it to open.
“What took you so long? I almost came without you.” The voice is pouty and low, somewhat familiar. He gasps when he realizes you’re not the person he’s been waiting for.
You stumble forward, falling to your knees and catching the bed frame before your face smacks into the wood. As graceful as you can manage, you pull yourself up. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to! I didn’t realize it was open and I was just looking for the---” The will to speak leaves you as soon as you see him.
A very sweaty, very naked Jungkook crosses his arms and he leans back expectantly, smushing the pillows behind him into the headboard. Your eyes take in the pleased expression on his face, quickly scanning the muscles of his folded arms, his chiseled abs, his bulging legs. The pointy green hat he had been wearing earlier tents across his sculpted hips and pelvis, thankfully obscuring any shape hidden beneath it.
“I didn’t think I’d see you again tonight,” he says, licking his lips as he watches your form tremble, practically falling apart in front of him before adding, “...Princess.”
A devilish grin overtakes him at the sight of you spinning around a little too fast, staggering towards the door and holding onto the frame for dear life. “I hoped I wouldn’t see you again tonight.”
“I can’t say it isn’t a nice surprise. You don’t have to leave,” he coaxes. “Do you wanna see my Master Sword?”
“Grow up!” You make sure to slam the door shut behind you. You hate him so fucking much it hurts.
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰
“Jennie, how could I be so wrong about him?” you sigh, dropping your forehead against the kitchen table. It’s been three weeks since you’ve talked to him, but it’s still the only thing you can think about.
Jennie takes a sip from her beer. “Sweetie, you’re not good at reading liars. Maybe you should look at some dating apps. You could get good read quick.”
“But I don’t wanna,” you whine into the coated wood. “Why can’t people just be nice?”
“Because. People suck. Come on, Y/N. Jungkook ain’t worth the headache. Drink with me. I’ll show you how Tinder works. It’s not so bad.”
When you don’t say anything, she tugs your chair across the floor, dragging your form close to hers and setting her phone down on the table. You peek out at the screen as you raise your head and rest it on a lazy elbow.
“Swipe right on the hotties. Swipe left on the fuckboys and losers. Jungkook? He’s a swipe left. But look at all these good ones on here. These are all swipe righties.”
You nod as she goes through a few profiles and begin downloading the app on your phone. Maybe she’s onto something.
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themanip · 4 years
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alternate routes
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SYNOPSIS — how do you go throughout life? well, you find someone you like. get to know them. start dating. break up a few times, get back together. get married. have some kids. die old. typical. fucking in a back room of an awards show, not once, but twice as complete strangers, was definitely not how most relationships start out.
PAIRING — taehyung x metzi (oc) WARNINGS — descriptions of cheating, fliphones, mentions of getting laid, really bad intros tbh, the introvert line being introverts, and girls who are rlly bad at timing, an asshole named ryan, cursing WORD COUNT — just over 3.1k AUTHOR’S NOTE — hi! i am so fucking bad at writing the first chapter or two, i promise if you can bear the beginning of this story, it gets better. i have two and a half chapters written so far but i am writing super often! once a few more chapters get published i will create a masterlist. please enjoy and if you have any comments or recs don’t hesitate to let me know!! :)))
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𝟏: 𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐄 
𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟖 ⇥ The universe known to man is a labyrinth—an irregular maze, a passage that cannot be routed—and to understand that took more than an average mind. The matter was far too complicated than any obsolete man to comprehend on a whim. Millenia passed before galaxies were formed, planets were created, all unbeknownst to the stars bursting just miles apart.
From early amphibians, to the ice age, to cavemen, evolution has made great strides in every species. Humans in the past were variants called homosapiens, and most likely came from chimpanzees. Great strides like this were something to be proud of, you'd think.
When Metzi Ludovic realized that birds can fly with natural evolution, while humans had to industrialize it (thanks to the Wright brothers) she was pretty distraught. As an imaginative and critical eight-year old, fifteen years later, not much had changed. Currently, she was pondering over the fact that humans are one of the few species with opposable thumbs.
Majority of animals had not yet evolutionized to create opposable thumbs. While frantic over this, she also imagined her beautiful Pomeranian, with thumbs popping out of his paws. Her thoughts were quickly subdued, thanks to her coherent thoughts making an appearance. As cool as it would be, all other animals would devour humans if they gained that ability.
Is that the only reason humans are all mighty? They can industrialize and aim properly due to their adaptations, so that they somehow became top of the food chain?
Thankfully, she was redacted from her thoughts as her manager, Emmy, let out a distressed sigh. "Wren, we cannot change your outfit again. You look beautiful," At this point, looking at Wren, she knew that she would look good. Somehow, she couldn't convince herself.
"Wren, we can switch. I don't hate green, so you can take blue if you want it. I really don't mind," Metzi smiled softly, and she knew it was the right thing to offer as Wren's face lit up, a few tears being wiped away. "Really? Are you sure?"
"Yeah, just do me a favor and loosen the ties on that, please. I have had way too many tacos yesterday to fit into it with the strings that tight," a small laugh left her mouth, and as she laid on the comfortable sofa. It was plush, but somehow offered no lumbar support. Who the hell makes a couch so soft, yet so unbearable for convenience of naps?
Selfish, she thought.
This dressing room was beautiful, so you'd think they'd have enough funds to make a decent couch. She could enjoy the aesthetics of the room, anyways. A luxurious baby pink covered the walls, and was bordered by pristine white. Plush gray carpet was under her feet, and was stain free. With Malorie in here, that probably wouldn't last long.
She was over by the double mirrors, applying powder over her face. She was so beautiful, Metzi couldn't fathom why she insisted on so much makeup. The same could be said about herself, so she kept her somewhat inner misogynistic comments at bay. She was pretty quiet, but something was off. She wasn't usually this quiet, so Metzi shot her a text.
She was very personal, and barely talked about what bothered her. Occasionally, Metzi would get her to open up, which she could physically see the relief on her face as she broke down. A brief, but to the point was written out on Metzi's phone.
you don't seem okay. wanna talk about it? Read 2:33 PM
The three dots popped up, and Metzi's attention was quickly brought to Vida, who sat down next to her, letting out a sigh. "How much longer until Olive gets here? I'm so close to taking a nap," Vida quickly put her hair into a makeshift ponytail, and leaned back, closing her eyes.
"It's only two, so I imagine not for a good hour or so, a nap sounds kind of nice," Wren commented, stood in the other corner of the room, with Emmy helped her undo the straps of her outfit. Her green silk top complimented her skin perfectly, but Metzi knew it was too late to convince her.
"Well, I'm out, wake me up when she gets here," Vida quickly blurts, and her head is now comfortably laying on the arm of the sofa. "I'll get up, I have to go to the bathroom anyways," Metzi commented, sighing before getting up.
Silence followed, and the blonde decided to take a look at her phone. A text was sent back on Malorie's behalf, and she widened her eyes momentarily. Standing still, she turned back to look at her. A face of guilt was evident, and she tried her best to hold her breath.
i have something to tell you, i'm not supposed to. i just feel so bad knowing while you don't i really shouldn't have said anything forget it
meet me in the bathroom
Read 2:37PM
Metzi's mind was in a whirlwind, and she couldn't think of anything she'd be referring to. Of course, it was useless, because clearly she wasn't meant to know about it. She hurried out of the room, the last thing she heard was Wren complaining once more about her outfit.
The hallways were empty, mostly because they'd came so early, and Metzi took her time reaching the bathroom. It was communal, so she really hoped that nobody else was here yet. The awards were meant to start in a few hours, and considering they had three faces to paint with makeup, early was a necessity.
"I hope you won't be mad at me," A small, timid voice aired behind her. The blonde turned around, and clutched her phone in fear. "I'm not, please tell me what's going on,"
As Malorie opened her phone, Metzi tapped her foot anxiously.
God, she really had to piss.
The brunette looked up at her, and showed her a photo.
"What is that?"
"That, was Ryan. On Saturday."
Ryan was her boyfriend of six years. An anxious cramping formed in her stomach at the mixture of his name and the tone of Malorie's voice. The photo she was now staring at made her want to vomit. Her stomach was now doing somersaults.
In the photo, it was indeed Ryan, in Metzi's own bed, with a mop of curly red hair under him. Most was covered by the sheets, but it was enough to come to the correct conclusion. He was clearly enjoying it too, judging by his face. Upon further inspection, she noticed something odd.
Grabbing the phone out of Malorie's hand, she zoomed in. On her nightstand, where a picture of the two usually sat, was now face down. While he fucked another woman in her bed, he turned her face down.
Tears pricked at her eyes, and she took a deep breath in.
What happened Saturday? She was home mostly all day, so when did he have time to do this?
"What—how did you get this?"
"I came to give you your present, and I heard something. Y'know since you gave me keys? I figured it was okay to come in, and your bedroom door was open. I knew Ryan would try to make me the liar, so I took a picture. He told me that if I told you," Malorie pursed her lips, "well he threatened to do something pretty fucked up."
"Holy fuck," Metzi whispered, "I just—I had no fucking clue. This entire time, and who knows how long he's been fucking her?"
One lonesome tear fell down her cheek. In anger or sadness, Malorie didn't know.
Opening her phone, she opened Ryan's contact. "Hey," Malorie whispered, her voice now soft. "If he tells you anything about me, promise you won't believe him?"
"Of course, you come first. Always."
She debated on whether or not to call him, but instead opted on a text.
I hope you enjoyed fucking merida, we're done. get your things out of my house by tomorrow. delete my number.
She wiped the tears from her eyes, and a smile adorned her face. Her bladder problems now the least of her concerns, she started back for the dressing room. Emmy now sat at the vanity, on her phone, and Vida and Wren were basically cuddling.
Surprised at the sudden intrustion, all eyes landed on the pair standing in the doorway.
"Ryan cheated on me, so now we're all single." Metzi gave nobody the chance to respond, as if anyone could think of what to say, and took a deep breath in.
"I haven't been fucked in months, and now I know why. So, I'm gonna get laid tonight, feel free to join me."
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All seven of them had their faces beat to perfection, their outfits tailored and steamed of any wrinkles. They looked absolutely impeccable, as if the world around them kissed their feet. Hell, some reporters actually acted like that.
The members of BTS were now known worldwide, and it seemed that they were sought after by nearly everyone. Each member was so unique—so captivating in every aspect. Personalities somehow intertwine perfectly, yet polar opposites sometimes.
Proud but humble men, they basked in the warmth of positive attention. All eyes were on them for now, and they proudly understood it. As they walked on the red carpet of the music event, Yoongi and Jungkook both hated what they would be forced to do in mere minutes. As self-declared introverts, social interactions were about to start, and they honestly would rather sit in the corner and get this over with.
They would meet a few smaller artists, an occasional household name, (which they would fawn over for the rest of the night) and then be on their way. It would probably be in a few news articles, and some artists would insist on pictures, and they would be spread around within minutes. It was the same routine, and almost every time they would speak as little as possible, save for Namjoon, and would discuss it later. Hollywood was English dominated, and they despised it.
"Right now we only have to meet one group, and then we're okay for a few hours," Namjoon spoke quietly and quickly, and they piled off of the red carpet into a building. The hallways were scary, dark and empty, but a light above them quickly lit up.
To their surprise, the hallway was beautiful. The walls were an navy blue, white accents on top and bottom. Numerous gold paintings and records lined the walls, and it seemed to go on forever.
"Who is it we're supposed to be meeting? This hallway is a bit sketchy," Jimin perked up, and Namjoon chuckled. "WB,"
"Who is that?"
"I can't remember what their name stands for, but they sing that one song," Namjoon goes on to hum the tune to a familiar song that got pretty big, and all of the members start singing along. Of course, the lyrics are completely off and the tune is absolutely horrid, but they all recognize it vaguely.  
All numbly following Namjoon, he was taking rough instructions from their manager to get there. This was not how it usually happened, but he had said something urgent came up. He had told Namjoon how to get there, and he knew that they were smart enough to make it without breaking a couple ligaments.
"Group? I thought it was one singer," Jin commented, and Taehyung nodded in agreement. "I would have never thought it was more than one. Are they American?"
"I guess we're going to find out," he snickered, and they all stopped at the corner. The door was slightly creaked open, and soft laughter could be heard. It was feminine, soft. It sounded like pure happiness was inside that door.
To double check, Namjoon eyed the sign on the door.
A large, black WB was written so even the partially blind could read. It was odd, the only dressing room out of probably at least a hundred, was all the way back, alone. They had no time to question it before Jin took a few strides forward, and boasted his English abilites.
"Come on-uh, guys."
The rest of them burst into laughter, and Namjoon quickly followed suit, knowing Jin would not be the prime candidate for introductions. He would simply utter a few English words, turn to Namjoon for help, and in panic, make a really bad play on words in Korean.
Timidly, Namjoon's knuckles rapped on the already-open door, accidentally pushing it further open a bit. "Come in!"
They were met with three girls stuffing their faces with chocolate cake, and another laying on the floor, fiddling with a.. flip-phone?
Jin grimaced at the reminder, glad it wasn't pink.
All eyes awkwardly met at the realization, and two of the three muffling down cake choked a bit. "Emmy, I thought you said 5:30?" Malorie was the one to ask, but none of the boys knew that.
"It is 5:30,"
The cake was swallowed within seconds, the flip-phone was now laying on the table, untouched. Four girls scrambled up simultaneously, and watched as the rest of the men piled in. An awkward stout of silence followed, and this so called Emmy, rose and met the boys first.
She had a firm grip, and introduced herself as their manager. The situation was humorous to say the least, these girls who could pass off as teenagers, were standing in single file in shame. The first was a beautiful girl with a large afro, and she kept a tight smile. She did not know who they were, nor did she really care. She introduced herself as Wren.
Next, was a taller woman, who seemed a hint older, with large winged eyeliner. She was Vida. Jin's first instinct was that she reminded him of him, she was definitely the oldest. Then, a smaller girl with a thick smile and soft curls was next. Soft hands, gentle grip. Her name was Malorie.
The last, was a young woman with blonde hair. Realistically, she didn't have any defining features besides her hair, she was the average American-looking girl. She introduced herself as Metzi, and to their surprise, bowed.
"It's really nice to meet you guys," Emmy let out a soft chuckle, and Namjoon nodded tightly. "Are you performing tonight?" It was Malorie who had asked, a soft question. "Yes, actually,"
"I heard you are as well," Namjoon replied, hoping to end the small talk quickly. "Yes we are! I'm surprised you've heard of us, I mean we're not huge."
She wasn't lying, but they definitely weren't small, either. Sixth biggest girlgroup of all time by album sales just behind TLC. Thirtieth on the most followed Spotify artist. Their debut album was certified Gold in six countries. Humble was the key to success, though.
"I'm not sure how big they are in the States, but aren't they pretty well known in Korea?" Yoongi spoke, but of course he wasn't talking to the girls, he was talking to his bandmates. He also spoke in Korean, which is why he nearly had a heart attack when a very feminine voice responded in Korean as well.
"We're big in Korea? I knew we were pretty well known in Japan, but I never really knew about that," It was the blonde one, Metzi. All seven members were in shock, the way she spoke it so effortlessly. If she didn't look the way she did, she could pass off as Native Korean by language alone.
"I know South Korea is very conservative and insistent upon how they operate things, and we're probably the farthest thing from it. I just was under the impression that we didn't fit the mold to do well there," Metzi continued talking, and Wren, Vida and Malorie had absolutely no clue what was going on or being discussed.
Had this been in Spanish, all the girls could have participated. Metzi just insisted on learning Korean, though.
They didn't seem too bothered, though, instead more humored.
"She's been waiting to use that one, huh?" Vida whispered, laughing lightly. "You're not wrong, Korea is known to be very conservative, however, that doesn't mean you have to fit stereotypes to break Korea or any other Asian country for that matter," Namjoon spoke in English this time, and finally the other three girls got a whiff of the conversation.
"We are the farthest thing from ideal boy-groups in America, and we broke it for the most part. Obviously a lot of it is due to our fan base, but point still stands." Seokjin broke in, the conversation now half Korean, half English.
"Good to know," Metzi said softly, a grin on her face.
"How did you learn Korean?" Taehyung spoke up in curiousity, and crinkled his eyes. "I started learning a few years ago before we kind of blew up, and when we visited Korea a few times, I just picked it up a bit. Still a lot I don't know, but I can speak pretty fluently now."
Taehyung nodded in understanding, silently applauding her ability to simply pick up on a language. He doesn't think he will ever gain fluency in English, no matter how hard he'd try. It was a lot harder than he imagined it to be.
"I'm gonna be honest, from media portrayals you guys are made out to be asshats, but you seem pretty down to Earth. Nice to know the fame doesn't get to your head, you know?"
Now it was Wren speaking, and a few snickers sounded from Jungkook and Jimin's mouth. "Asshat," Jimin repeated softly, and they broke into more laughter.
"We appreciate that, thank you. Ignore them," Hoseok spoke this time, a large smile adorning his face. "We will watch your performance tonight, and cheer you on."
"Ditto," Metzi responded in English this time, and Hobi's eyes crinkled in confusion. "Same to you," she clarified in Korean, and he nodded.
They said their goodbyes, and Metzi told all the girls to bow. Namjoon and Vida had a brief talk, and it was no time before BTS and WB were now separate, discussing the events that had just taken place.
The talk of the night was the mysterious blonde girl who spoke fluent Korean. 
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taglist: @princessoftheroad​ <3
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blonkk · 2 years
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i wish i wasn’t myself i mean after every single interaction or word that comes out of my mouth i want to rip my skin off. i fucking hate being a specimen like being treated like an experiment oh you’re depressed go on zoloft. oh it stopped working go on trazadone. oh that makes you black out for 15 hours in a row so that will cure your chronic insomnia but here go on cypralex. oh you have menstrual irregularities go on birth control. oh you’re sexually active have a pap smear (maybe this one’s different but idk i hate being probed and treated like a lab rat). one doctor literally said to me he thought it’s time i get a boyfriend (i think i was 21 or 22 at the time). yeah it’s low iron take these supplements. oh the insomnia is still there do a sleep study. six months from now. in another six months i’m told “there’s nothing wrong you you just have reverse sleep syndrome, best you can do is just try to find a night job and live the rest of your life like a fucking owl.” you’re 16 and you have PCOS. you’re 26 and wait now scratch that it wasn’t PCOS at all! silly us. we don’t know what it is tho our bad. yes you definitely qualify for a psychiatrist. just to be told after years of being on a waiting list and screened for months at the very first meeting with said medical professional that i “don’t really need this and there’s no point in continuing.” ok ok things are starting to make sense you’ve got adhd. try 10 now 20 now 50 mg of vyvanse and good news it will reduce your appetite so you’ll lose weight 2 birds in 1 stone right? (my doctor actually said this to me). hmmm things keep coming up, there’s a possibility of mild OCD and probable autism. autism. you are showing telltale signs of autism
i cannot take it anymore i don’t want to be a lifelong patient fr i’m gonna be coke a hypochondriac. the scariest thing is that i think the autism thing might be real the more i think ab how i feel in social settings and how i hate talking to people and never feel like i belong and things i say get misinterpreted and i can’t read social cues….i want to be fucking normal but the more that i get dismissed or randomly diagnosed and prescribed different random shit the more hopeless i feel like whyyyy can’t i just be normal. i was at a relatives place tonight and more people than i thought were there and i had to talk to people i don’t know and when i wasn’t stretching myself thin by making polite tedious conversation and wanting to kill myself after every word i said because i never seem to be able to read the room right i was trying not to cry because there were too many people and i was completely overwhelmed. literally i hate it so much but i’m gonna be 27…. what does it even matter anymore? i’ve made it this far being fucking sick all the time and socially fucking vacant and not fitting in anywhere with anyone so i can pretty much just keep doing it. i just wish he gave me one fucking thing lol he had to make me fat annoying permanent insomniac mentally ill and apparently “neurodivergent” and weird like bro just one fucking win would be nice. like i’m too anxious to even be dependent on substances like i’m so sorry if this is fucked up but i wish could use drugs and drinking to cope but i can’t because my brain doesn’t let me relax for five fucking seconds so smoking weed makes me paranoid as hell and i literally have some sort of blockage in my brain that prevents me from getting drunk. plus i’m too anxious to ever fully lose control it’s way too terrifying for me.
basically i’m wound up tighter than a spring and self medicating is out so i just cope by coping which is getting kinda fucking hard. what happens when i lose my student coverage, how the fuck am i gonna afford my drugs?? i’m already way over my therapy coverage and see her biweekly and now only monthly. i live my life in a constant state of exhaustion and interrupted functioning as a result of not sleeping, anxiety and apparently being fucking adhd plus whatever the fuck else. i’m too tired to keep finding new ways to manage like i can’t manage anymore. i wonder if there’s really nothing wrong or if over the past 11 years no doctor has really ever been able to do their fucking job. and tell me what the fuck is wrong with me. i don’t want to be anything i don’t want to be medicated or sedated i want to be normal and go to sleep when i’m tired and smile when i’m happy and cry when i’m sad and eat when i’m hungry and speak when i have something to say. i don’t understand bro why couldn’t i have just one fucking thing!!!!!
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scarletwinterxx · 4 years
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First and Last pt. 1
Welcome to my new series! I’m so excited to write this one, I hope you guys like it.
For my other works you can check them out here, and for my other story series’ you can check them out here.
All works are copyrighted ©scarletwinterxx 2020 . Do not repost, re-write without the permission of author.
PART ONE || PART TWO || PART THREE || PART FOUR ||  FINALE ||  BONUS
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“I do have a girlfriend”
The moment those words left Donghyuck’s mouth, he knew he was in trouble.
There’s room for mistakes with the statement he just made, like for one he doesn’t have a girlfriend, two he wouldn’t know where he could find a girlfriend and number three he knows atleast one of his friends knew he was lying.
“Finally moved on from Lia?” Jaemin asked, making the rest of the boys turn to him and for Donghyuck to make a face
“I thought I made it clear we don’t say that name out loud” Renjun not so subtly said
“You know I can hear you right?” Donghyuck asked his three bestfriends
“Just pretend that you didn’t” Renjun told him. The rest of their lunch period was spent on talking about random stuff and what to eat for dinner tonight but Donghyuck was still thinking of a way to get himself out of the little white lie he just said.
“Yuta hyung texted, he said they’re throwing a party this Friday. You should take your girlfriend” Jaemin just when Donghyuck thought they let go of that topic
“I’ll ask her” He mumbled, Renjun eyed him before asking the ultimate question
“Do we know her? What’s her name?”
That made Jeno and Jaemin look at Donghyuck too, waiting for his answer.
At that exact moment, Y/N was in his line of sight. She was just walking past behind the three boys, her earphones on and a book clutched in her hand
“Y/L/N Y/N”
“Y/N? Like the same Y/N in our Chemistry class?” Jeno asked, he was trying to recall if he ever saw the two talk or have any kind of interaction but he came up empty
“Yea, but please don’t corner her. We’re trying to keep it on the down low” Donghyuck quickly added, a loophole he was lucky enough to thought of
“No promises, we need to go now or else we’ll be late again” Renjun said then pulled on Donghyuck’s arm, going the opposite direction his supposed girlfriend went.
What has he gotten himself into.
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For the entirety of this semester, Y/N is probably the only student in this campus that hasn’t gone out to party atleast once. It’s never been her thing and she honestly doesn’t see it being her thing now.
“Why don’t you come with us this Friday? There’s a party we’re going to” one of her classmates said earlier, she was already thinking of an excuse to say as to why she can’t come.
Y/N thinks they’re used it by now. She does feel guilty saying no all the time. It does feel like she’s being a bad friend but the mere thought of being in a house with a bunch of people she doesn’t know is already making her feel very anxious.
“Call us if you change your mind” her classmate said with a smile before exiting the room
Y/N was just about to exit the room too when she heard someone call for me. Turning around to see who it was, it was a bit surprising.
Lee Donghyuck or Haechan as his friends and most people call him, was now walking towards her. Y/N knows him because they did an assignment together back in freshmen orientation week .
He was the kind of guy who is her total opposite, unlike her who cowers away from parties he was the life of it. He was always surrounded with his friends and everyone liked him. He has this aura about him that just makes you feel comfortable, she can’t quite pinpoint it.
Y/N looked behind her to see if it was really her he was calling out to, which was kind of dumb since he was calling her name.
“Me?” Y/N said pointing to myself, now he was standing infront of her.
“Hi, I’m-”
“Donghyuck, right?” she asked, cutting off his introduction
“I was going to say Haechan but yes I’m Donghyuck” He said, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand and pulling on the strap of his bag with the other
“Can I help you with anything?” Y/N asked him, it’s not like she felt uncomfortable talking to him. She did think it was weird that even people like her, someone who is very anti-social, feels comfortable around him.
“Yes, uhm this might sound a bit weird but I need to ask you a favor”
“What?”
“A favor”
“Yes, but why would it be weird?” Y/N asked, shooting him a confused look
He looked around the room, which was now empty before his eyes landed back on me
“I kind of told my friends you’re my girlfriend”
There’s so many things Y/N should be asking about, but of course the first one she thought of is,
“Why me?”
“You were walking past us when my friends were interrogating me, and we worked together before right? So I just thought why not, I kind of know you already” he answered. Y/N has never seen him nervous before but she guess this is how he looks like when he is.
“You’re friends with other girls though” Y/N mumbled, emotion flashed across his face. Was it rejection or hurt? She wasn’t sure but she’s already feeling guilty and anxious.
“I know, but my bestfriends know them too. You’re kind the only one who they don’t know yet. If you’re up for it, I totally understand”
It shouldn’t be her problem really. Why should she care? He doesn’t know her, why would he pick her to be his fake girlfriend?
A thousand things were already running through Y/N’s mind
“I’m not sure- I”
“Hey, it’s okay. If you don’t feel comfortable that’s totally fine with me” he showed her a small smile, before looking around the room again
“I’ll think about it”
Even Y/N was surprised with what she just said.
“What? You will? I mean that’s cool but like I said if you’re not up for it, it’s fine. I absolutely understand”
“Okay” she shot him a smile
“Okay, we can talk more about it later? At the cafe near town square?” he asked me. Y/N thought about it for a second, she really didn’t have anywhere to go.
“Sure” she agreed, he shot me a big smile before saying a quick thank you and then walked out of the room.
What did she get herself into?
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Y/N’s last class for the day was done, Donghyuck texted her earlier to confirm our meet-up time.
He probably still had Y/N number from the last time they met, so she shot him a quick text that she was on her way.
Y/N’s not going to lie she did consider not showing up and making up an excuse like she didn’t feel good or she had a paper due tonight but for once she mustered up the courage to go out.
This being the only out-of-the-box thing she’s done her whole life seems a bit sad and disappointing, she kept thinking how other people her age would have double the amount of stories to tell.
As she walks to the cafe, she was already thinking of questions to ask him. But Y/N also thought what if she sound too pushy or something.
Y/N was a bundle of anxious nerves when she got there, she searched around the room to see him sitting alone in a booth.
Donghyuck was on his phone so he didn’t see Y/N come in, she made her way to where he was before clearing her throat which made him look up
“Hey, you made it”
she almost didn’t
“Hi, sorry I’m late” Y/N mumbled then took the seat across from
“It’s fine I wasn’t waiting that long, should we order something?” he asked her, they both stood up again to see the menu. Y/N was just looking around while he was beside her reading the menu,
“Do you want coffee or tea?” Donghyuck offered
“Uh, no thank you” she answered with a polite smile.
“You sure?”
“It’s like 5pm, I won’t be able to go to sleep if I drink coffee now” she told him
“Okay, how about those cookies?” He saw how she was looking at the cookies on display
“It’s fine really-” “My treat, I owe you anyways”
Y/N thinks she knows why she feels comfortable around him. There’s something about his eyes or just him in general that makes him look so innocent in certain moments. It’s not there often but you can see it if you pay attention
“Okay, thank you”
“Think of this as our first date”
That made Y/N turn to look at him so fast she thinks she gave herself a whiplash, he just chuckled at the girl’s expression
“What? Okay I’ll take you out somewhere better if this doesn’t cut it for a good first date”
“This is a date?” Y/N asked, again the boy just chuckled at her
“We can pretend it is, I did tell my friends that you’re my girlfriend”
Every time he says those words, Y/N get this feeling she don’t quite understand. Was it panic, anxiety, or excitement she wasn’t sure.
After getting drinks and snacks they went back to the table they were previously occupying,
“So I was thinking-”
“Actually I came to tell you I can’t do it” Y/N cut Donghyuck off
He looked straight at Y/N, after a few seconds she looked away. Feeling a little conscious under his gaze
“You can’t do it?”
“Yeah, uhm. I’m sorry but I’m not the girl for you, Donghyuck. Even if we can make up a pretty convincing story, I don’t see how you would like a girl like me”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he looked genuinely confused.
Y/N took a deep breath before starting the explanation she has thought over and over during the whole day
“You’ve said it yourself, you only picked me because I was passing by. You wouldn’t have even thought of me if I didn’t. We’ve never hung out during or after school, the last time we talked was last semester, you’re clearly the life of the party while I avoid them like a plague”
“So you’re saying we’re too opposite for me to like you?” he asked,
“You don’t like me, we’re just pretending. What I’m saying is no one’s gonna believe it. I’m not anything like Lia” Y/N said, referring to his ex-girlfriend. She wasn’t the one for campus gossip and all that but it was hard not to know when literally everyone in every class she was in was talking about them.
At the mention of her name, Donghyuck looked away. Another emotion flashing across his face but went as soon as it came. Y/N thought maybe she shouldn’t have brought her up.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring her up” she mumbled, already feeling the guilt set in
“Don’t worry about it, I’m used to it”
“Doesn’t make me any less sorry” her reply made him chuckle, taking a quick sip of his iced coffee before looking at the girl sitting across from him
“It was messed up, what happened between her and I. I’m also sick of people looking at me with the pity eyes” he told Y/N, “That’s why I said I had a girlfriend. To get my friends off my back.”
“I’m sorry about that”
“Don’t be. It’s not your fault, I’m the one who pulled you into this mess” he shot her a tight lipped smile.
Y/N did give his proposition a lot of thought. It will be so unlike of her to go with his plan but also she doesn’t have anything to lose. After hearing why he did it, he sounded like he did need her help but Y/N’s doubts about herself were already eating her away.
She was thinking about him and Lia, how similar they were. How pretty she is, how popular and kind and talented she is. She was nothing like any of those things. How can someone ever believe Donghyuck is dating her? Her of all people.
“I should be get going, I have some work to do” Y/N said, an excuse that she just made up. It was overused, even she was tired of hearing herself say it but she was so used to cowering back to her shell all the time.
“Okay, thanks by the way. For hearing me out atleast”
“Sorry I couldn’t help you” Y/N told him, he shot Y/N a small smile while shaking his head at her “Don’t worry about it. I’ll see you around”
They bid goodbye to each other and went their separate ways for the night.
If Y/N only knew this wasn’t the last time Lee Donghyuck would be invading her mind.
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A few days passed since their meeting at the café, Donghyuck was still thinking of an excuse to say when he arrive at the party alone. Which was happening hours away from now.
He thought about not going but that seemed like he was avoiding something, so that option was out of the window.
He didn’t want to push Y/N, she seemed like a great girl. Too great for him if he’s being honest. But she looked really unsettled with his plan so he decided not to insist.
Donghyuck would just have to live with his friends pestering him about his lovelife.
When Donghyuck arrived at the party, he quickly searched the crowd for his friends. They texted him saying they were already here, already asking Hyuck where he was and if he was taking his girlfriend with him.
He made a beeline for the kitchen to grab a drink, not in the mood to get drunk or anything so he took a can of cola from the fridge before leaning on the counter.
“Haechan, is that you?” at the sound of the voice calling out to him, Hyuck’s body felt frozen.
Why was she here? Why did no one told him she was coming and why was she talking to him
“Hi” he awkwardly said, mentally slapping himself for sounding too awkward
“Haven’t talked to you in a while” Lia said with a smile on, as if she didn’t just break his heart less than a year ago
“That’s because you broke up with me” He told her, his face stoic. Lia looked at him, she was still sporting an innocent smile on. Once upon a time that would have made Hyuck’s heart beat faster but now he just wanted to get out of this kitchen and find his friends.
“We should talk, Haechan-“
“I have nothing left to say to you. You’re the one who broke up with me remember?” he told the girl, this time the smile disappeared from her face. “I just wanted to say I miss you”
It was a lie. He knew that.
He would be the biggest fool if he believed that but Lia can be persistent if she wants to be
“Well I didn’t” Hyuck mumbled, he walked around her trying to get out of the kitchen and away from her but Lia’s hand caught Hyuck’s arm making him halt his steps.
“That’s a lie, we both know that’s a lie”
“Don’t put words into my mouth, Lia. I don’t miss you, not anymore”
“The last time I checked you’re the one who hasn’t moved on” she told him, in that statement he knew what she was trying to do. Lia knew she had Hyuck on the palm of her hands, but he didn’t want to be anymore.
As if the heavens heard him, someone pulled his arm away from Lia’s grasp and stood in between them
“And who told you that?” Y/N asked the girl, this was a surprise to everyone in the room. Donghyuck haven’t talked to Y/N since that day on the café, where if he remembers correctly he was turned down.
“Who are you?” Lia asked back, not in a bitchy way but in a confused way
“Donghyuck’s girlfriend” Y/N answered without missing a beat, Hyuck wasn’t going to lie he wanted to cheer her on out loud but he kept his mouth shut. Y/N’s hand was still around his arm, holding on to it tightly as she stood in front of him about to put his ex-girlfriend in her place.
“Donghyuck? Girlfriend?” Lia asked, looking behind Y/N to see Hyuck looking at his ‘girlfriend’ with a proud smile on.
“Yes and yes, I’m not the one to be territorial or be one of those girls who stop their boyfriends from being friends with other girls but I think you got the wrong idea here. Lia right?”
Hyuck wanted to laugh out loud. This was a side of you he didn’t know and he liked it.
“Well, Lia. I would like to say I heard so much about you but I honestly haven’t. But I would greatly appreciate it if you don’t ask my boyfriend if he misses you because clearly he doesn’t” Y/N said then sent Lia a smile.
Hyuck let out a little chuckle, this made Y/N loosen her grasp on his arm so Donghyuck took this chance to snake his arm around her waist and pull Y/N closer to him.
“This is Y/N by the way, my girlfriend” He said to the other girl, the gloomy night doing a full 180.
Lia looked between the two, a sour look evading her face before she quickly replaces it with a smile. A fake one. After that she walked away without a single word.
“Holy shit, I just that” he heard Y/N mutter to herself, “You’re here” he mumbled back making her turn to look at him
“Yea, Hi” she awkwardly said making Hyuck let out a laugh, “I thought you didn’t want to.. you know”
“I took some time to think about it, I don’t really have anything to lose here. And with just happened I think your friends are the least of your worries” Y/N said, referring to the scene earlier
“Yeah that was unexpected”
“You looked like you needed the save” she told him, her statement made Donghyuck smile.
He doesn’t know why but he was glad Y/N changed her mind and she was here. And she was right, he did need the saving. He just wasn’t aware that he did.
“Thanks”
“So boyfriend, are you ready to go out or was that enough show for the night?” she asked her with a smile
He held his hand out to her to which she just looked at, “You okay with this?” Hyuck asked, his voice quiet. Y/N shot him a smile before intertwining their fingers
“Don’t let me go or I might get lost” she mumbled, making Donghyuck laugh
“I won’t”
289 notes · View notes
hazbbyhaz · 4 years
Text
sleepless || harry styles
twenty three
pairing: Harry Styles x OC
synopsis: story circle
disclaimer: that bloke Eric, harassment, cursing
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One of the luckiest things to happen to you in life is, I think, to have a happy childhood
Avery had never stayed at a party till the very end. She wasn't a fan of the loud noises, the crowded space, the drunks. The atmosphere itself made her anxious. As the hand of the kitchen clock finally hit twelve, she assumed the party would start to die down. She thought people would slowly funnel out, all bidding their goodbyes and frantically making their way to the tube. Their thoughts, no doubt, thinking about the inevitable hangover they will face tomorrow. But, that didn’t happen. If anything, the party intensified. While she knew that she could go home, she didn’t want to. If she did, she would fall asleep. If she left, she would be alone.
A few minutes earlier a small group of people had formed, all of them sat around the living room. Harry, who was exhausted from showing Avery his amazing dance skills, had led her to where he was previously sitting, both of them sitting side by side on the sofa.
Francis, who sat opposite them, held up a cupcake with blue frosting and sprinkles all over it. "Okay, who made these cupcakes because they are so good! I need the recipe."
"All the credits to me," Another boy spoke up, he had black short hair and there was a golden earring dangling from his earlobe. "can't give you that recipe though, it's my mothers." He shrugs and Francis groans dramatically, making everyone laugh.
Avery sat in silence, taking everything in around her. The atmosphere started to grow on her. Harry grew worried by her silence, asking her multiple times if she was feeling okay, but she was having the time of her life. She loved hearing about everyone's family reunions, annoying relatives and friends who got married. It was so different to her life and she wished she could tell a story about her family. But she couldn't. Even Harry chimed in talking about one Christmas night when he was six and tried to catch Santa, tripping over the cable for the electric candles on the tree and causing the whole thing to fall over.
"Okay" Francis speaks up. "I want to hear the most embarrassing thing that happened to you in your childhood or teenage years. Starting with..." His eyes skimmed through the room before deciding on a ginger haired girl. "Zoe."
The stories went all over the place. From awkward kisses to first dates and failed pranks or trying to impress crushes. And before she realized, it was Avery's turn to tell her story. Her first instinct was to let them skip her, but no one in the group was having it. There wasn't anything to say, she had been homeschooled and her childhood had been not even close to any experiences here.
"Uhm... I don't really know... what to-"
"Oh come on, pet." A sudden movement in the corner of her eyes makes Avery move closer to Harry in fright. She gripped his forearm, Harry immediately noticing and taking her hand into his own, rubbing his thumb in gentle circles on the back of her palm. Eric had sat down next to her on the tiny sofa, apparently deciding to join the little circle as well. "Don't act all innocent. Tell us, what did you do as a child?"
"If you'd let her talk she'd be able to answer, mate" Harry chimed in, throwing an annoyed look at Eric.
"Nothing comes to my mind right now." She quickly rambles, trying to just get out of this situation. Being the center of attention must be high up on the list of worst things in the world she thought. The eyes of all these people fixed on her made her incredibly uncomfortable.
"Oh, so she is all innocent" Eric exclaims, his breath smelling like beer and his words almost unnoticeably slurred.
She could sense Harry roll his eyes beside her before he leaned down and whispered in her ear. "Tell something about Oliver, love."
"Oh yes!" Avery grins, embarrassed for a second at how loud her voice was. "I have a cat and he used to balance on the rail of my balcony. There was one time where I had just gotten out of the shower, still in just a towel, and I saw him balancing outside on the railing. I got super scared that he would fall off, so I ran out and grabbed him, and in the process my towel dropped which ended up in me flashing an old lady living opposite me."
"Oh my god, that sounds horrendous!" Francis laughs.
"It was horrible, I didn't step foot on that balcony for a month." She giggled less aware of all the eyes on her. They continued on but Harry was still chuckling from Avery's story. "Oliver really is a bastard, huh?"
"No" Avery laughs. "He's so cute, I just had to forgive him."
Harry shakes his head but there was still a smile on his face. His eyes meet hers and he studies her face for a moment. "You look a bit tired."
"I am" She confesses, leaning her head against his shoulder. There was no reason for denying it, especially not when she was talking to Harry.
"Do you wanna try and get some sleep tonight?"
"Not really" With the party, and Harry sleeping over the night before, there surely was a lot on her mind and Avery wasn't eager to simply sleep it all off.
"I can put a pot of coffee on?"
She sits up with a grin. "That would be amazing."
"I’ll make you a cup." Harry knew that what he was doing was wrong. He shouldn’t be encouraging her sleeping habits, or lack thereof. But, making the night most bearable for her was his top priority, and if this was how, then that was that. Case closed.
"Thank you."
He gets up and disappears in the kitchen shortly after. Avery turns her attention back to the stories being told by all the strangers sat around her. Now that Harry isn't around, she felt irritable and increadoubly out of place now that he was gone. She groans internally because she knows that she has been relying on him too much. She was dependent on him. She felt as if she was no longer independent.
When it came to her job, paying bills, doing taxes, and managing her things, she had always been independent. She had to be. But as soon as she got confronted with social interactions, she simply couldn't stop her heart from beating or her thoughts from racing.
"So.. Avery,'' Eric beside her starts, turning his body towards her and leaning back against the armrest of the sofa, a new bottle of beer in his right hand. "How old are you?"
She fiddles with the hem of her sweater, feeling his burning gaze on her. "22" Avery whispers, focusing her attention on the guy with the black hair who is telling some story that she is too far away to hear. She was trying to show Eric that she really ins't interested in talking to him, but he doesn't get the hint.
"You live on your own then, right? At 22? That's impressive."
She nods, still avoiding his eyes, trying to concentrate on the story.
"Is it far from here?"
"Just a couple tube stops." Just don't look at him, ignore him.
"Hey, loosen up a bit, hm?" Eric jokes and his hand squeezes her thigh, making her jump cause she wasn't expecting him to be so bold.
"Please don’t touch me." She mumbles, scooting closer to the other end of the sofa. Eric simply shrugs, moving closer to her but before he can say anything else, a ball of crumpled paper hits his head. Avery looks up and notices that Francis was the culprit.
"Hey Eric!" He yells over. "Cut it out. You're being annoying."
Eric rolls his eyes at Francis, ignoring his request and turning back to the girl beside him, but Francis doesn't stop. "I mean it. Leave her alone or get the fuck out, okay?"
After huffing and puffing like the big bad wolf, Eric finally gets up and walks towards a little group by the fireplace on the other side of the room.
Avery lets out a breath she didn't even know she was holding. Finally feeling relieved knowing that he was away from her. She got up, about to thank Francis, before realizing that he had completely disappeared. Lost in the abyss of the party. So, Avery slowly made her way to the kitchen, knowing that Harry would be there.
Harry was leaning against the kitchen counter, texting someone on his phone, his brows furrowed. As Avery enters he looks up, his eyes becoming a bit brighter and his brows unfurrowed. "Your coffee is almost ready." He says, assuming that was the reason why she came to the kitchen.
"It's boring without you." She felt how her body had calmed down substantially, her heart had turned back to a normal beat and her mind slowed down.
"Everything in life is boring without me," Harry says and she chuckles tiredly at his ego. "Come over here."
Avery scrambles over to him and Harry opens his arms, pulling her small frame close to his chest. She allowed herself to close her eyes and take in his scent as Harry rested his chin on her head. Avery guessed that he would leave somewhen, maybe soon and there would be no one to blame for it. No one at all. Because if she can't stand herself, how could she expect someone else to be around her.
"Whatever happened to you, Ave, no matter what it was, you didn't deserve it. I know you didn't." She freezes but Harry doesn't let her go, instead he starts to draw small circles on her back. "I noticed how you were acting earlier when everyone was telling their stories. You seemed so... eager to take it all in as if.. I don't know..." He murmurs, she feels the vibration of his chest against her cheek.
"It doesn't matter to me what it was, and you don't have to tell me, but you didn't deserve it."
She had never told anyone. Not her previous boyfriends, not Tom, she could barely admit any of it to herself. For a moment, she thought about not replying at all.
"But don't you think bad things happen to bad people?"
"Oh Avery... I think you can be anything you want to be in life. Anything but a bad person."
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oh-for-fic-sake · 4 years
Text
FUCK OFF!
Masterlist
You and Bruce get to the bottom of your youngests Anxiety fueled Mutism.
Warnings: Swearing, Angst ,Bullying ,Racial bullying? ,Fluff , Humor
A/N: This is a request from @babydork10​ Tried to make this as accurate as I could did have to do a bit of reading up on the topic and hope I have done it justice and you all enjoy xx
Taglist: @125bluemachine125​ @iloveyouyen​ @thefangirlsblog​
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You and Bruce looked at one another across the kitchen, you where having a disagreement. Not an argument. Bruce thinks that its time to start helping your youngest with his selective mutism by taking him to the funday fundraiser for the brand new Martha Wayne foundation, a new charity for the underprivileged children of Gotham. It was going to try and build a new school with decent education giving these kids equal opportunities to go to college and university,  to make it out of the...Harsher side of Gotham city. Sure the day was going to be fun for the kids, Bruce had pulled in a small fair ground and one of those ridiculous inflatable playgrounds you how ever think its to soon.
"Look the Drs said its caused by a severe anxiety, fear! I just- I want to help him y/n I don't want my boy to grow up..." he cut him self off and you growled hissing at him.
"Mute? Is that it Bruce? You don't want him to be mute? I mean he can't grow up to be the next Robin if he can't talk right?" He growled voice dropping low and dangerous he slammed his hands down on the counter.
"THAT'S FUCKING!-that was unfair..you know I didn't mean that at all!" You held his gaze not the least bit intimidated you know he would never hurt you deep down. You sighed and leaned back against the counter crossing you arms.
"I-I don't want him to grow up scared...Thought that we could-if it was with other kids he might open up a little" you sighed  rolling your eyes
"Its anxiety based Bruce social anxiety fuck-sure sure lets put our boy our socially anxious little boy into a fucking fairground with hundreds of kids he doesn't know! where there will be cameras and reporters and and-fuck Bruce it will be hell for him there!" He growled
"He will know some of them! Some of his class mates are coming...And you know what!? At least its something god damn it! Its fear he is scared don't you get that! He is frightened to interact! To speak to anyone fuck sake he won't even speak to Damien or Tim! Y/n! And they live here...fucking hell, woman..You know? at least I'm trying!" You flew from the counted to the island he was leaning on pointing at him really pissed now.
"OH WHAT AND I’M FUCKING NOT? COME ON TELL ME? HONESTLY BRUCE YOU THINK I’M NOT TRYING? THAT I DON'T SPEND HOURS UPON HOURS UP AT NIGHT TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHERE I WENT WRONG? THAT-THAT SOMEHOW THIS COULD BE MY FAULT!?" you screamed at him across the kitchen your shout echoing off every surface tears streaming down your face a you shook in anger and despair you were so happy the boys where at school you never ever wanted them to see this back and forth especially Roman.
Bruce shook his head at you and made his way to you he opened his arms holding you softly as you wept into your hands.
"Shh shh I-I'm sorry I didn't mean that its not your fault...its not anyone’s fault...I just I see my boy hurting, he wants to interact to play and make friends and I want to help him but I don’t know how....I was just hoping you know the rides and games would take his mind off of the people around him and he could...I don’t know prove to himself its okay, he can make friends and talk to others...That was all love, I wanted to give him the chance" you whined into his shoulder as he help you cupping the back of your head ruffling your hair you turned placing a kiss on his neck before nodding.
"....Okay, we can-we can give it a shot but don't push him Bruce they said he could grow out of it"
"They also said it can be a confidence thing...Fuck it could be o many things! We-I just want to help him, he is such a sweet funny kid I just want everyone to see what an amazing little boy he is!" You smiled nodding up at him.
"I know you want to show him off, a big proud papa... I do to I- I just worry to much" Bruce wrapped his arms around you holding you tight. He was worried for Romans future you both were, he place a soft kiss on your head rocking you back and forth.
"I know you are worried I am to...But we have to try, the boys will be around watching and Alfred to I just want to give him what he needs but-" you took a deep breath on his cologne then moved to rest your ear over his heart listening to the soothing pulse beneath.
"I-I know its hard not knowing what he needs...As parents its our job but...But with this? Its- your right as uncomfortable as it is for us we need to try for his sake...never know he might make a friend" Bruce took a shaking breath and rubbed your arms encouragingly.
"He might do, we do whats best, we try and that's all we can do...come on lets go let Alfred know we don't need him to babysit"
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You moved across your youngest bed room he was looking at you slowly blinking his hazel eyes followed you as you ran around grabbing his new outfit. A pair of dark wash ripped jeans and a loose fitting button up shirt. Hopefully he would be able to climb and play in it.
"Mummy...What are you doing?" You took a deep breath and looked down you dreaded this. You smiled and twisted round sitting on the bed and patted for Roman to sit beside you. He did still looking at you cutely as you handed him his clothes he instantly began pulling on the shirt waiting for your reply.
"Well.. Your father and I....As you know we are having a fundraiser today...And its for your Nana's charity....And we were going to take you with us...Its going to be some much fun! your father pulled out all the stops! Theres going to be a fairground with rides and popcorn and candyfloss and a big inflatable playground-"
"Why?" What? You faltered
"What do you mean love? Why what?" He looked down fiddling with a thread on his 'trendy' ripped jeans that his father hated but you wanted him to fit in today to have the best chance, you leaned in placing a hand to his back rubbing slowly.
"Why are you taking me? Won't I embarrass you?" You frowned and kneeled down before him
"Embarrass- OH Roman no! No you have never ever embarrassed us never- do you hear me? My sweet sweet child! Don't you ever think that for a second...Roman Thomas Wayne you look at me" At his full name he looked up at you blinking away tears sniffling softly.
"B-But I don't talk mummy?! isn't that bad? don't people laugh at you and daddy when you take me out?" you gasped
"Laugh? who? who laughs at you my love?"
"....everyone! At school they laugh! a-and when we go out to dinner and when i go with you to see daddy at the office! I try mummy I do try I promise! I just don't-Can't the other parents have to laugh to!..I don't want to go!" you shook your head trying to fight tears seeing how worked up he was getting panting and panicking...This was a bad idea!
"Roman-Roro listen to me...You are my son! My little boy and you have nothing-nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of and don't you worry about what other people think, they are just jealous...You are my special little man! I love you, We love you so very much and we will protect you your brothers included!"
"Damien he and Tim hate me-I cant even talk to them! I love them and Jason and Dick but I can't- they don't know that!-"
"That is one of the silliest things you've ever said and I don't ever want to hear you say that again Roman" you and Roman gasped seeing Bruce slink into the room silently creeping.
"But Daddy-" Bruce waved a hand at him.
"No buts about it Roman...Your brothers love you to death! all four of them and they always will you here me? you might not say it but they know you love them back....There is nothing to be embarrassed about, today is about having some fun you can play with the other kids or stay with your mother and I its your choice...I hope you have a little fun at least go on some rides!" His face lit up
"Re-really daddy? they love me?" You smiled as Roman peeked at Bruce hopefully
"Of course they do! today I want you to enjoy yourself and eat as much cotton candy as you can! Now enough of all this get your- are you really wearing those?" Roman looked down to the jeans on his lap and nodded then quickly slipped them on slowly getting himself all excited he had one hell of a sweet tooth and you can get much sweeter then cotton candy...You'd be lying if you said you wasn't looking forward to it yourself.
"Okay...I will come and...Mummy? Willl-will there be pictures?" You blinked looking to Bruce this was new.
"Pictures? Like the press you mean?" He nodded
"Uh huh Like uncle Clark and aunt Lois" Bruce and you shared a look frowning why was Roman worried about the press?
"Yeah buddy just a few...Your uncle and aunt wont be there though just some people from Gotham....But after we have a picture of the family then will leave us alone...Don't you worry about them you just have fun tonight!" You had a horrid sinking feeling...why the fuck was your seven year old wary of the fucking paps? What has happened for him to be dubious over photos? Roman have an uneasy look but kept quiet prompting you to ask
"Roman love....Is everything alright? You know if anyone has done anything you can tell your father and I? We can fix it..." he smiled a false smile.
"I'm okay mummy....Can we go now?"you looked incredulously as Bruce but nodded."Sure honey go get your shoes on...the black hi-tops your going to need grip on the rides!" He smiled running down the hall
"Bruce-"
"I know love...I will look into it tonight but I picked upon it to"
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The car ride was fairly quiet the tension was thick, you knew both Tim and Damien were wondering about how roman would take this but they chose to keep their comments to themselves. You and Bruce were up front Damien and Tim in the back with Roman snugly tuck in the middle. Damien and Tim were bickering over there younger brothers head. you rolled your eyes at them.
"I'm gonna kick your ass drake!" Tim grumbled
"Whatever you helps you sleep at night hell spawn! mini games are my thing!"
"Fuck you-"
"Damien language! and that's enough both of you- if you start this competitive bullshit today you'll get Jason involved and I don't want to have to deal with your bitching when he kicks both your asses on the shoot a duck!!" you looked back to the three boys. both teens grumbled you frowned.
"Roman are you alright honey? your pale...Is it your tummy?" he nodded and both brothers shared a look over him. Bruce did a quick check in the mirror and took a breath.
"In your bag I'm sure I put some in there" you nodded pulling your bag to your lap and puled out a small bottle of pills, What people didn't realize about Romans condition is there was a whole host of symptoms. Just like adult anxiety there were tummy aches, migraines, diarrhea, sickness, nausea and the most frightening of all was chest pains. you huffed you didn't have a water bottle. Fuck.
"Damien? Tim? you got any water for your brother to take his medicine?" at your request they both quickly routed around in their man bags for a water bottle Tim was first handing it to Roman who took the medicine quickly as always. you smiled to him reassuringly.
"Trust me love...There is nothing to worry over- just a fun day at the fair! okay? Just stick with one of us" Damien nodded
"Yeah you can come play with us! we can beat drake together on the mini games! he can fall to our superior genes!" Roman smiled to Damien warily making the teen smile and ruffle the boys hair.
"ha! as if Roro wants to help me wipe the floor with you! don't you Ro? after all if your as good as you say then you wont need the help!" you rolled your eyes as the two began their bickering again
"oh for fuck sake-" you were stopped by Bruce placing a hand on your thigh nodding subtly to them and you of what he was hinting to. Roman was happy smiling wide looking between his brothers, seemingly happy to be included. you sat back facing forward .
"He will be fine just give him a little space today see where it leads, I've asked the boys to watch the other parents and paps today...I have an idea about something want to confirm it first"
"About what? Roman? what do you think-" you were cut off with a patt on the leg from Bruce and a raised eyebrow.
"Just leave it with me...I will know by the end of the day but...with what he was saying to you i think...well i think he is stressing over what people think of us because of him..just let me do my thing today okay? I'm not the worlds greatest detective for nothing~" you nodded still not understanding fully but you trusted Bruce and the boys they would sort it you hoped.
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Finally you arrived Jason and Dick came over giving both you and Bruce hugs and picking up roman making him release a soundless squeal at being spun around. Damien was quick to bitch at them about his tummy ache and snatch him away giving the small boy a piggy back waltzing to the fair muttering about the imbeciles.
Hhow the little boy could doubt any of his brothers  could hate him was beyond you, they each doted on him spoilt him rotten! if mum and dad said no you can guarantee Dick, Jason,Damien or Tim would make it happen. Much to the annoyance of you and Bruce. Once the initial speech was over and Bruce had convinced the wealthy to start digging into their pockets a few family photos were taken. you had noticed a few whispers about Romans appearance and quickly shut up the gossipers with a deadly glare as Roman clung to either you or his dad refusing to go with Damien and Tim to the mini shooting games. You sighed when you finally got a moment to breath away from the cameras who seemed to cling to you and Roman.
It was true you didn't normally have your youngest about, it was common knowledge that he was mute and shy so the paps had been adamant that they got as many photos of the boy as they could,much to your annoyance. you swore as he held you tighter as you moved quickly loosing them in the crowds. you turned a corner and rested a hand on Romans head calming him looking around spotting Bruce who was bombarded by his 'friends' a bunch of puffed up ignorant posh clingy twats! wanting to be seen with the infamous Wayne patriarch. you looked down as Roman tugged your sleeve and pointed, you followed hi gaze to the small cup stack mini game where there was a bunch of kids lining up. you smiled down at him and nodded patting his back.
"Go on then baby, go have fun and don't let anyone ask for money! your father has paid for free reign for everyone okay?" he nodded and walked over to the back of the line. you sighed standing stiff watching him closely you noticed that Dick was also near by watching over his baby brother closely making you feel better.
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Roman came to a stop looking up at the nets of huge stuffed animals they had a wide selection he smiled seeing a massive great white shark! it was taller then him! he lined up behind the other kids waiting his turn."Hi!" he turned to around seeing a little girl around his age she was dark skinned with a mass of wild natural hair in two pompoms on her head. Roman gulped looking around seeing if sh could be talking to anyone else and she giggled.
"Yes you! that shark is cool huh?" Roman was unsure what to do he didn't want to be rude but at the same time was out of his comfort zone. he settled for nodding and looked back up at it.
"Oh...your shy huh? that's okay! I'm not...You think that's the size of a real one?" she asked looking to the toy hanging above them as the line moved forward. Roman shook his head at her, he knew they were bigger his uncle Arthur had shown him a real great white shark...His mother had to be dragged off of him by uncle Clark after...even uncle Clark had trouble getting her off him..
Roman shook his head and gulped deciding to try and communicate...this girl looked nice and...he doubted she was going away soon the line was long. he blinked and took a deep breath before releasing trying to calm his heart down and made a move signaling to the toy then made a 'smaller' motion hoping she understood. She looked to him then the toy nodding.
"Yeah! your right its probably to small!! but its cool right? I've been trying to win it all day!...Got the seal though see!!" roman smiled a warm feeling slowly bubbling up she had understood. she held out her seal to him letting him prod it, it was fat and squishy making him smile.
"I'm gonna get that shark!" Roman smirked a little looking back up taking another step to the front as more kids left holding various sized sea life prizes, some looked up longingly to the line of huge sharks on the nets you had to knock all ten cups down five times to get one...
"Oooo look! look a tiger shark!! wow I want that one you think I can?!" Libby go excited bouncing up and down placing her hands on Roman’s shoulders. He turned seeing the one at the back with light blue stripes and nodded then pointed to the octopus on the shelf below
"Wow that's cool to...You gonna go for that one? or jaws~" he tilted his head and pointed to the Great white. Libby smiled standing next to him.
"I'm gonna win the tiger shark today!" Roman's eye widened as he heard a familiar laugh
"Ha like you can get that one! scrawny arms like that! you know I'm gonna get it just so you cant have it move!" Roman frowned as some bullies from his class pushed him and Libby shoving the two of them behind their group cutting the line.
"HEY! YOU CANT DO THAT! I'M TELLING ON YOU!" Roman glared at them standing between the small group and Libby. Micky the leader sneered at him.
"What Wayne got something to say? well come on spit it out! oh wait you can't- Dumbo...Don't even know how to talk~ tell me this your little girlfriend? won't even stand up for her-" Roman growled angrily as two of the boys starting mocking them
"Romans got a little girlfriend! ha! what daddy paying her to be friends with you?!" Libby began whining as they began pulling at her pompoms tugging her curly hair harshly.
"Ew look this is her hair! god its gross and fluffy!" Roman panicked and slapped at the boys hands stopping their attempts but one pushed the smaller girl to the floor out of the line as Libby began crying loudly drawing the attention of the adults around them...More specifically the attention of Romans family.
"FUCK OFF!!!" everyone froze as roman shouted to the boys loud and clear.
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You had been watching as a little girl approached Roman with her toy, she seemed nice and unfazed by Romans...Situation and you felt a rush of relief as she continued making conversation with him...well Roman-esque chatter as he began pointing at the toys. You looked away as dick came over to you.
"So? things are going well...Looks like today is working huh Mum?" you smiled nodding looking to your oldest.
"Yes- I was worried but...you know I underestimate your father sometimes especially with roman.." dick smiled slinging an arm around your shoulder kissing your head.
"Do-do you know whats going on your father said something about Roman’s issue? that he as an idea but wouldn't explain more then that" dick hissed through his teeth.
"Not entirely sure myself-" you were both interrupted as you heard a loud crying form where roman was. some kids- boys from Romans class had come over and pushed the little girl down and were pulling her hair as Roman was trying to slap them away then-
"FUCK OFF!" you froze momentarily as Roman screamed at the boys and pushed with all his might making the boy loose balance and fall before crying himself. Roman stood in front of the now whining little girl shielding her from the other mean boys. You made your way over but it was to late some photographers had gotten there first and was surrounding your boy taking photos shouting out at him asking hims to 'say something else' Jason and Bruce had swooped in shoving the men out of his sons face collecting Roman and the little girl; knowing that she would also find herself questioned by the pushy journalists. you followed as Bruce continued to one of the public toilets with roman Jason followed with the little girl.
"Shit- Ro-roman oh god are you okay?" you entered just as Bruce had set him down he was bawling his eyes out panicking and holding his breath. shit shit shit. you noticed the little girl was upset and confused, she hadn't known who roman was.
you moved to crouch beside her.
"Hey poppet...are you okay?" she blinked back tears and pointed to her cut knee.
"Oh no! did those mean boys do that?" she nodded sniffling
"A-And they pulled my h-hair saying it was funny looking!! I-I like my h-hair!!" you frowned and moved to hug her careful of her cut knee.
"Oh shh shh Its okay...your hair is very pretty!" she cried louder
"I-I w-ant my mummy!"
"Whats you mummy's name- Jason can go find her do you remember what she was wearing?" she nodded choking and coughing on her sobs. you concentrated on her as Bruce and Dick helped calm down Roman.
"Joy...she has a blue dress!" you stood up but Jason was out the door returning a few moments later with the little girls mother. She looked to you and nodded thankfully as the little girl ran to her getting picked up still tearful
"Oh god Libby what happened to you? why the tears?"
"T-they were mean to him to- th-they called him names! and and made fun of him! and he tr-tried to stop them from pu-lling my hair! and-and then they p-pushed me down and I cut my knee!!!" you looked to the little girl Libby. Then Bruce who has roman in his arms now calm.
"Roman ..Those boys? they are from your school aren't they?" he nodded and you shared a look with Bruce who was rocking him back and forth still panicked himself wondering if this really was a good idea or not. But to everyone's surprise Roman spoke up in a tiny timid voice
"T-they are mean-Call me dumb....Laugh when I make sounds and laugh...Try to make me talk..Poke me with pens so I make noises" you gasped...He had never said that before...Was that? could this be it? the issues was when he made sounds they made fun and picked on him? Bruce grunted
"How long Ro? how long have they done this?" Roman shrugged and shook his head not answering for a second and Bruce pulled him back and continued in his stern no room for arguments voice
"Roman? how long have they been making fun?" Roman looked down
"Since...forever" you gasped he was being bullied at school...no wonder nothing had gotten better! normally with selective mutism as they grew up safe spaces like home and school were just that safe spaces and he'd talk confidently interact and make friends if he was being hurt at school then obviously the opposite would happen.
Damien and Tim was quiet, this was the most they'd never heard their little brother say before and it was- they were gobsmacked. Bruce sighed and nodded.
"Thank you son for telling me- you were very brave! and I'm very very proud of you...Even if it was a swear word he lifted his gaze to Damien and Tim who both gulped.
"And you were very brave to protect your friend today from those bully's....now you leave the school with me I will deal with them...Or better yet I will let your mother loose on them" as he said that all your sons shivered not wanting to cross paths with you ever they felt sorry for the teacher already. Roman gasped and looked at Bruce
"Pictures-" Bruce cupped his sons head kissing his temple
"Leave it to me- now do you want to stay and play with-" he looked to the now quiet little girl
"L-Libby sir" Bruce smiled to the polite child
"Do you want to stay and play with Libby?" roman looked to Libby who stared hopeful and nodded Bruce put him down letting him stand next to the girl he spoke in a whisper barely being heard now that he wasn't tucking himself into his fathers neck for comfort.
"I-I-I'M Ro-Roman" she smiled at him
"HI roman!! can we?- do you wanna get the sharks? and then sweets-LET GET SWEETS!!"
"Shark's?...." Roman nodded grinning looking up at Tim and Damien as they both interrupted"we will go win you the sharks...and then sweets" they looked to Libby's mother
"We will watch out for them, come on you two" you looked as the Libby looked to her mum who nodded before running over holding Tims hand Roman joined her holding Damien's.
"We will take care of them today mother meet you at the gates at four this afternoon"
"Yes you go have fun mum- I know you like the waltzers leave these two with us" you watched as they made for the exit with the tow youngsters
"Roman come and point out these kids to me and Dami-" you gasped chasing them out
"Oh no you don't!...Timothy! Damien don't you dare! you leave those boys alone! I will sort this out-" you were stopped by Bruce who was making his way out allowing the girls mother to exit first
"Y/n leave them~"
"Bruce they will beat the shit out of those kids-" he laughed winding an arm around your waist.
"No they wont...Scare them but not beat them to many witnesses~" you looked to the other woman and smiled
"Sorry about all this- would you like to get coffee? I'm sure the boys will look after them now....It seems they are on guard duty now~" she smiled and nodded still a little on edge but you were determined to become friends with this women...her little girl has done more good for your son in the last ten minuets then you and your family have managed in the last seven years!
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At the end of the day you had become closer to Libby's mother Joy and had invited her over the next day for tea it turns out you and the woman had a lot in common which made things easier. you waited at the gates and laughed as not only were Tim and Dami walking out with huge stuffed animals but Dick and Jason were trailing behind each holding a collection of won prizes. Roman and Libby were both ecstatic each holding a huge shark and a few sealed bags of cotton candy.
"Oh my- Jason I never thought pink was your colour~"
"ha ha! mum real funny not these are for the little miss Libby!" the girl was bouncing on the spot
"Mummy-Mummy look Jason got me the unicorn and the minion and the batman!!! see see look mummy he won them for me! he is really good at the shooting games!!" Joy chuckled and moved around her buzzing child
"Thank you boys...she has been looking forward to this for a long time""Jason's my boyfriend to! see he won me a ring! we are getting married!" you and Bruce chuckled as Jason blushed as the Libby showed her mother the small plastic ring excitedly.
"Ah I see well we should be getting home now...Say bye bye and we will see Roman tomorrow"
"Tomorrow? oh are we coming back!!" you chuckled as she got all excited again
"No but you are coming over tomorrow to play with roman how does that sound?" she gasped and looked to you then her mum ,Roman looked hopeful at you to.
"Really?! can I bring my shark?!" you nodded
"Of course you can bring your shark now, we better get home for dinner...we will see you tomorrow Libby, see you Joy..Jason can you take them to Mrs Mouvins car!" Damien snickered
"Yeah go help your girlfriend~" Jason grunted
"Shes not my fucking-" he was interrupted by Libby coming up and grasping his hand dragging him away.
"Come on Jason! don't get lost!" you couldn't help it you laughed loudly with the boys as Jason flushed bright as the child dragged him to there car. you looked to roman
"So you have a good day?" he nodded then paused looking around blinking taking a deep shaky breath then stuttered out quiet words.
"Y-yes ....was f-fun with Dami and Tim" both of which beamed tugging him into hugs.
"Wait a go buddy!" Tim's said giving him a noogy with the flat of his fist making roman wince and chuckle softly Damien spoke up next pulling him into a tight hug.
"We knew you had it in you! first words of fuck you though? your kick ass"
"Yeah who'd of thunk it?" Tim continued Bruce folded his arms eye Damien again
"Yes I wound where he gets it from? huh Damien? I'm sure he must have heard it around the house isn't that right Damien"
"Oh shit" you smirked as you all began your trek to the car
"Oh shit is right my boy! your doing double drills tonight!"
"Huh that's not fucking fair-"
"Triple"
"What the fuck? Why?"
"Quadruple and for being a bad influence on your brother- I don't know what your laughing Timothy your spotting him to make sure he does it"
"What?! why? what about patrol?!"Tim admonished
"Dick and Jason are going with me and if there is so much as one more word about it you'll be doing it tomorrow night as well!" you snickered as both teens held there breath biting back retorts knowing Bruce wasn't fucking around. You turned peeking through the center console to look as Roman.
"AANYway Roman you don't mind having Libby around tomorrow for a play date do you?" Roman blushed as leaned back as Bruce started the car pulling away, smiling he shook his head. No he didn't mind he liked her a lot.
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That was the day that changed everything. Roman had anxiety but it wasn't so much as social it was more over the family image. You learned he had been picked on for not speaking and then picked on to make him talk, then when it did make sounds they bullied him even more for making noise!! the whole vicious cycle had gone unnoticed but after one meeting with you everything was fixed. Roman still didn't speak at school it would take time but he was getting better. All in all he was stressed and anxious little boy terrified of screwing up! he didn't want to say the wrong thing in front of the paparazzi or cameras. He was aware of the family's status and had anxiety over that not necessarily people. All of this fear and stress built up on a seven year olds shoulders resulting in his Mutism. Which was now slowly going away! he spoke freely around the house, some times he stuttered and spoke in whispers but it was much much better.
Damien and Tim both loved hearing there little brother talk after going so long not hearing a peep. Both breaking down in tears when Roman first told them he loved them...Not that either would admit it but you had dealt with the sobbing teens that evening giving both long cuddles in the privacy of their rooms. thing's were looking up and with Libby coming around all the time it could only get better!. it was incredible! when with her it as like roman was free, a normal loud boisterous little boy. You were hopeful for the future especially when Bruce was paying for Libby to start school with Roman next term paying for her full education much to the reluctance of her mother. Joy didn't want to be indebted but you but had when you and Bruce explained what was going on... She couldn't refuse that it was a good idea, Libby would have a much better chance in life, for her daughters sake she agreed. and you hoped it was the next step in prying Roman out of his shell.
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samarathesiren · 3 years
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The tape on the bottom right is stuck to the glass, but the edge is folded over so it can be peeled. My daughter drew on this one.
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The upper left piece of tape is the same, and sticky on the outside when this is closed. Obviously, I wrote this.
If you read my blog, some of this may be prior knowledge for you. It’s recapped for clarity & flow.
Please…bear with me if you have time to read this:
************************(TW)*************************
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I have been able to watch my daughter solo dolo for a very long stretch recently, and I’m still in the midst of doing so. The longest since I sent her to live with my brother while I get established with my career path. We spent 5 days together a couple weeks ago in the same manner, and this time I have been up here for a week now. It will be 11 days total, and then I head home to prepare for getting back into my second to last semester toward a degree in working with live sound.
And finally. Finally.
I will be employed again.
Right when school is back in session. With odd gig work already cropping up. I have one the 25th next month.
My redemption arc has been very taxing. At times it’s as if I’m an alien. The soul survivor of a crash somewhere over the US. And I feel like I can finally get the mothership off the ground again.
And I feel that way tonight because…I’m who I’m supposed to be right now.
I’m a mother.
I’m finally a mother again. The way I was when she was small. And I feel home. Even though I’m technically not.
Thank those of you who have been supportive. I don’t think I’m a bad or even a rude person most of the time, but my diagnoses make me a bit of a hurricane when things are hard or I feel anxious. And I overthink social interactions a lot, which leads to venting in some messy ways on tumblr.
There is a scene in Vanilla Sky where Tom Cruise is talking to a board of doctors assembled specifically for him (he is a billionaire) about his headaches and potential surgeries after sustaining skull fractures in a car crash which altered his facial appearance and partially crippled one arm. He gets frustrated when the best care they can provide to assuage the headaches seems to be inadequate, and shakily states:
“These are more than headaches. These are steel plates slicing through my every thought.”
That is how I feel about my trauma symptoms; and why my diagnosis is hard to describe to people. Especially since it is the result of multiple traumas and multiple *types* of trauma; including years of regular physical abuse, psychological torture at one of the long term (1 yr) adolescent facilities I was in…
[[…I could link the articles…about the place I went.…]] and how many of the kids have tried to run. And how basically none of them left the place once treatment was complete and ended up thriving. I *could* share the links. But I don’t want to. All this just to say, I am not using the term “psychological torture” lightly. My parents signed a waiver for my intake because I was 12 and it was a program for teenagers. The experiences there while I was behind locked doors almost 24/7…and was at times sat at my desk with the 19 other kids on my “team” to be punished for days with silent staring at the wall and no talking…amongst other things…has unfortunately made it difficult for me to get things out of therapy ever since. And I had a second round there for 9 months 3 years later. Though therapy is now remarkably [[…more beneficial than before)…..……………….…………]]
…and some sexual trauma (as an adult) which I definitely don’t want to elaborate on.
These are not “bad memories.” They are a hand grenade in my head that never stopped exploding, to loosely quote a Marilyn Manson lyric.
I am finally making large strides in healing.
I sowed the seeds for that through months of daily, 6-8 hour (often 8 but sometimes 6) group therapy last year in 2020; The place was technically outpatient since the level of programming depended on one’s individualized schedule & could vary, but I took on the fulltime track. Like a work shift, every week day.
Those seeds are now bearing fruit.
But only with help from a couple friends, my mother, my brother, two Discord servers and…at least most of you whom I’ve interacted with on my tiny friends list here.
Since my brother has not done a lot of therapy and is 50 years old (I will be 30 in Sept for reference), I am a little embarassed of sticking self-affirmations to the mirror, and he has stopped by occasionally.
That’s why I decided to employ the method pictured above.
Slowly but surely I guess…
💜❤️🖤❤️💜
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Update:
Had to clean out the ole belfry.
It’s been a bit since I’ve seen so clear.
💋
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