#feeling like im a fish swimming against the tide

[nata-natfan]

[eywa-eveng]

ɪɪɪ. sᴇᴄᴏɴᴅ ᴛᴏ ɴᴏɴᴇ

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ – ᴊᴀᴋᴇ sᴜʟʟʏ, sᴜʟʟʏ ғᴀᴍɪʟʏ X ᶠᴱᴹ ᴹᴱᵀᴷᴬᵞᴵᴺᴬ ᴿᴱᴬᴰᴱᴿ

ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ – 16.2k

ɢᴇɴʀᴇ – angst

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢs – widower!Jake, war, gore, major character death

ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ’s ɴᴏᴛᴇ – Part three is finally here! Only one part left and then this short series will be officially finished! Also, this installment follows closely to the plot of the movie.

ᴘᴀʀᴛ ɪ – ᴘᴀʀᴛ ɪɪ – ᴘᴀʀᴛ ɪᴠ

ᴛᴀɢ ʟɪsᴛ – @eywas-heir @fanboyluvr @amiets2 @neteyamforlife @itscheybaby @sunrays404 @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @eternallyvenus @bobojojoba69 @behindthearcane @elegantkidfansoul @goldenmoonbeam @ladylovegood-69 @slutforsmut4ever @myheartfollower @pinkiemme @arminsgfloll @wtf-why-do-i-gotta-do-this @onlyreadz @sovereignsylvia @scc7514 @ghost-lantern @calums-betch @nao-cchi @a—1–1–3 @crazy4books1 @meladollsims

Wind blows through the great arches of the Cove, lifting misting clouds of warm water that sparkle in the pale light rising from beneath the waves. The breeze is filled with the comforting scents of home; of lush sea grass and the tang of the ocean as gusts of air whistle like flying arrows across the open water. The waves crashing against the shore below add to the melody like the beat of a drum as the wind whispers a soft song through the balmy air. The floating islands stand guard, shadows passing overhead like clouds to offer relief from the warmth of the afternoon sun. It’s peaceful here in the Cove of the Ancestors, tranquil as still water as you work. 

The climb had been arduous, your palms sore and legs burning from the climb. The ground feels like a salve as the cool dirt rushes like water over your hands as you carefully dig up plants. Collecting these greenish gray roots are the last of your chores for the day. They’re a necessity for some healing tonics and Ronal has nearly depleted her supply with the new wave of hunters looking to prove their worth so soon after their rites have been passed. It is expected. They are still young, still eager to prove their strength and worth as one of The People. But hunting is not all that is needed in the clan. Some will be better suited to other tasks. Weaving nets, repairing the marui, teaching the younglings the ways of the clan. Some will become healers and free divers. It is what you’re suited to even after so many years of training to hunt and fish. Now, you tuck the last of the knotted roots into the satchel on your hip and dust the dirt from your hands. The climb up the winding vines hanging from the spono alusìng may have been strenuous but getting down is always your favorite part. A few steps back, a deep breath, and then you’re sprinting to the edge of the island. 

Those few moments in the air feel infinite as the wind whips around you, running through your hair and across your skin like weightless touches as the water below draws closer. There’s a moment of darkness as you close your eyes against the impact and then a burst of light as the water slows your descent, the tide keeping you from sinking. Pale purple light plays across your skin, the fronds of the Ranteng Utralti tracing against you as you swim towards the surface. The light fades as you return to the village, purple fading to yellow as the afternoon deepens to evening. The terraces are emptying and hunters are beginning to return from beyond the reef as you pull yourself onto the path in front of your marui. Ronal’s voice greets you, a sharp, wordless yip you recognize as a call for your presence. 

She isn’t happy when you join her, the marui already crowded with guests as the children stand in the shadow of their tsahìk and olo’eyktan. There’s a grave energy filling the home, a disturbance that only grows as your eyes pass over Lo’ak and the rest. A chill trickles down your spine as you hand Ronal what you’ve collected. She sets it to the side with little regard, her green eyes filled with an anger that flows deeper than petty squabbles between children. Before you can speak she grabs your arm with enough strength to make your ears bow back in submission. 

“What have you been teaching your children?” She’s seething, words coming from between clenched teeth as she bares her fangs at you. Your lip twitches, prepared to draw back in your own show of displeasure. There is an accusation shining in her eyes, words harsher than she cares to share in the presence of others. Before she was tsahìk she was your elder sister and it’s clear in her fierce expression that she’d rather dispense with formalities and speak her anger freely. Instead she tosses your arm away with a hissing sigh, returning to her pacing before whirling to face the children once more. 

They’re standing with their heads bowed, ears pulled back and tails hanging limp between their legs as Ronal’s green gaze draws over each of them like a stinging nettle. Finally she settles on her daughter. Tsireya already looks close to tears, eyes clouded thick with regret and unshed tears. Her tanhì flicker with a faint anxious light, seemingly keeping time with what must be her thundering heartbeat. It’s an expression you’ve known in your younger years at the hands of Ronal. She expects so much of those she teaches, and even more when they are her family. Tsireya is in line to be tsakarem, she’s meant to reflect Eywa’s grace. And whatever she’s done has gone against the Great Mother’s teachings. 

“You allowed this! You allowed him to bond with the outcast!” Ronal snaps. 

“Payakan?” The word leaves your lips before you can stop it. Barely a whisper but your sister hears it. The flames of her anger are turned on you in an instant, catching quickly and burning away at your pride as she scolds you as if you’re a child. A hiss rolls off your tongue with little consideration, teeth bared at Ronal as your tail begins to sway in tense waves. Your sister isn’t perturbed by the display of aggression. Neither of you will go beyond these small shows of hostility. 

“Yes, Payakan!” Ronal snaps. “Your son has bonded with him. And they allowed it to happen!” She doesn’t name which of your children has made this misstep but a place in your heart knows it was Lo’ak even before Ronal’s eyes settle on him. He doesn’t look nearly as remorseful as you’d expect. There’s an air of annoyance and agitation in his idle movement, but there isn’t a sense of guilt in his lowered gaze and sagging shoulders. 

“Lo’ak, what have you done? You should’ve known better.” His head raises when you say his name, defiance bright as starlight in his yellow eyes. 

“You are the son of a great warrior and this is how you act? You have been taught better than this.” Tonowari says just as Jake makes his way to the marui. Jake’s eased expression immediately falls to shadows, his brows drawing low and his jaw tightening as he hears the olo’eyktan’s words. 

“Payakan saved my life, nawmtu. You don’t know him.” Lo’ak’s words only serve to sow further discord as he speaks against Tonowari. Tsireya murmurs his name, shaking her head to discourage his attitude. There is still more he wants to say, insolence still clear on his face as he lifts his chin but holds his tongue. Tonowari does the same, nodding at Lo’ak’s disrespect. 

“Sit.” He says evenly. Threads of anger slowly pulling at his tone. At last, Lo’ak bows his head as Tonowari stoops to his level but the olo’eyktan is not mollified. “Sit down!” He shouts until all the children are seated. Tsireya falls to her knees like a stone through water while the other boys remain tense. Tonowari’s voice is strong enough to buckle even your knees but Ronal catches you by the elbow before you can kneel at her mate’s side. She might have laid the fault for this at your feet–blaming your poor teaching–but she won’t let you bow to Tonowari’s anger in this way. She shakes her head when you look at her. Despite her initial anger, this isn’t your lesson to learn. 

Tonowari dissipates his anger with a harsh exhale before speaking again. 

“Hear my words, boy. These are lessons you’ve learned before when the tulkun returned, but it seems you do not remember. The tulkun forbid killing, yet Payakan has gone against this. He has returned to the ways of the days of the First Songs; taking lives. We follow the way of our brothers and sisters. Payakan is a killer, so he is outcast. To all.”

“No. I’m sorry, nawmtu, but you’re wrong.”

“Lo’ak!” You snap before he can say more. “You speak to olo’eyktan.” His eyes settle on you for a brief moment before his mouth opens again. 

“I know–”

“That’s enough!” Jake snaps. His silence lasts a few beats longer, long enough for Tsireya to try to dissuade him with another shake of her head. He seems to consider her before raising his head once more. 

“I know what I know.” He finishes. Ronal drops your arm, clicking her tongue at your son before turning away from all of you. This new bond has upset the great balance and it will be a burden to the tsahìk before anyone else. Though it weighs just as heavily on your shoulders, perhaps more. Lo’ak is your child. His teaching is your responsibility. And yet here is a clear mark of your failure to teach him your ways. 

“That’s enough.” Jake growls, looming over Lo’ak like a pouncing animal. At last, Lo’ak surrenders. “I’ll deal with him.” Tonowari nods, watching Jake pull Lo’ak away from the marui. The rest of the children scatter, glad to be free of their leaders’ anger. 

“Go,” Ronal dismisses you as well. “You’ve worked hard today.” Those are her words of consolation. Not an apology but a stone to step over this conflict. This storm will not pass as easily as fighting between the children, but what’s done is done. A bond with a spirit brother can only be undone by death. This decision; Lo’ak and Payakan will have to live with it for the rest of their lives. 

It’s in your nature to soothe and nurture, a childhood spent healing and convening with the Great Mother has instilled a caring nature within you. Even with anger sitting heavy as stones in your chest you want to go to Lo’ak, to ease his thoughts. Jake will surely have torn into him like an akula for his disrespect towards Tonowari, and while his words will be harsh they aren’t undeserved. Some things you simply cannot turn a blind eye to. He has gone against the way of the Metkayina in a way no one has in recent memory. It is expected that the tsahìk approves the bonding between spirit siblings. For Lo’ak to disregard tradition, to bond with an outcast no less, is a great show of disrespect. And yet you want to understand why he did it. You linger just beyond the path of the Sully marui where Jake’s voice has carried. His words are muffled but anger is evident in his tone. After a while, Lo’ak storms out. When Jake doesn’t follow to drag him back inside you decide it is your time to make a gentler attempt at reproach. 

Lo’ak knows you’re following him. Your shadow is lengthening in pinkish purple light of the coming eclipse and casting across his back as your feet find the prints he’s already left in the sand. Every Na’vi is taught to hunt from a young age and his ears twitch towards the soft pattering of your footfalls even as he refuses to stop. When he is finally tired of running he turns to look at you. His face is no longer set in stony defiance. Instead the harsh lines have fallen away to something soft and vulnerable. He looks nearly close to tears, his bottom lip tucked between his teeth. He isn’t sad, but there is a sort of frustration that can only be released through angry tears. Like a bowl spilling over, Lo’ak’s overabundance of clashing emotions has nowhere to pour but outwards. 

“They hate me.” His voice breaks over the words. “They hate me, Sa’nok.” Your heart squeezes. 

“Shameful. Outcast. That’s all I’ll ever be to anyone.” When his head falls you lift it with a gentle hand under his chin. “I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone. Payakan is my friend, I swear. Please, Sa’nok, you have to believe me. You have to believe me.” He clings to your arm as if you’re the only thing keeping him from being washed out with the tide. It isn’t sadness tinging his voice but an unrestrained desperation. Ronal denied him. Tonowari denied him. Jake denied him. Even Tsireya told him to hold his tongue. None of them would hear him, none of them would See him. But you See. So much. 

“Lo’ak. Ma’itan. I believe you.” You take his hands in yours and draw him to sit in the sand. “Just tell me what happened. Everything.” And he does. He tells you of how Payakan saved him when Ao’nung abandoned him beyond the reef, of how he visited him nearly every day between his chores and lessons, of how he knew they were meant to be spirit brothers after seeing the bond between The People and the returning tulkun. 

“Those men died, but it wasn’t Payakan who killed them. He rallied the men to fight back against the demon ship after they attacked him and his family. He watched his mother die. He was upset and scared. It wasn’t his intention to get anyone killed.” A long breath leaves your lungs as if you’ve surfaced after a long dive, releasing the tension in your chest before you speak. 

“By the tulkun way he is a killer. We did not decide this, but it is the way of our brothers and sisters. Payakan must bear the weight of those lives lost. I will tell Tonowari the truth of it, but it will not change his mind. This path we follow isn’t for us to decide. Only a tulkun can remove the stain Payakan carries.” 

“But it isn’t fair. He knows what he did was wrong!” 

“I know, but it is the way.” You send him off with a promise to talk to his father. Jake is alone when you arrive, your skin still damp from wading in the ocean to wash away the sand. Tension is clear in the harsh lines of his muscles as he sharpens a spear, stone against stone tossing sparks of light between his hands. There are many things on his mind. Dark and heavy, looming just out of sight. This is just another weight upon his shoulders. 

“Ma Jake,” he doesn’t look up from his work at the sound of your voice. Instead he grows more tense, knuckles paling as his grip tightens on the stone in his fist. His ears pull back in a show of irritation but you won’t be ignored. “Jake, this is very hard for them. This is a new place with new traditions. They are learning. It will take time. Everything does not always come easily.” 

“I know.” His tone is thick with authority, dripping with the voice of an olo’eyktan. It’s final. He wants this to be done with. But if he was olo’eyktan you would be his tsahìk. It is what you trained for. It is what all your lessons have taught you to be. In this you are equals. His voice can’t intimidate you when you both stand on equal footing. Jake is no longer olo’eyktan. He’s left that life behind in the forest. And you will never be tsahìk. But you are mated, still. Equals. 

“Lo’ak tries to live up to your expectations. It is very hard for him.”

“I know.” His tone has shifted to something more pliable. He’s less assured. “You are very hard on him.” He stops sharpening the blade at last, eyes swirling with a mixture of denial and acceptance. He sets his work aside and reaches for you. Your hands meet. Hot and cold. His warmed with anger and yours cooled by the ocean. There is so much fire inside him. He’s left war behind but the war hasn’t left him. 

“I do everything I can to protect them,” Jake laments, “and Lo’ak still goes against my word at every turn. Fighting with Ao’nung, going beyond the reef. And now he’s gone and done this. The rest I expect. He’s never been good at following rules. But this–he’s brought shame to this family. Ronal was already hesitant about letting us stay. If you hadn’t spoken on our behalf we probably would’ve been turned away come morning. Now Lo’ak has disregarded a sacred tradition. One that Ronal presides over.”

“It isn’t just Lo’ak’s choice. He bonded with Payakan because he allowed tsaheylu to be made. A bond between a Na’vi and tulkun is as sacred as the one you share with your ikran. You must be chosen for a bond to be made and Payakan chose Lo’ak. He didn’t follow tradition but this is one of his rites passed. Ronal knows this just as well as I do. It isn’t perfect but I’m proud of him. He is becoming one with the clan. That is what you wanted isn’t it?” At last Jake sighs and the last of his fire burns out, body relaxing its rigid posture. His fingers have cooled or perhaps yours have gained some warmth as he toys with them between his own. Five fingers playing across your four. 

“I was worried.” He says after a moment. “I thought that if we couldn’t make it here–if we had to leave–I’d lose you. I’d lose this home. I’d lose everything all over again.” 

“Ma Jake.” Your hands pull away from his to hold his face in your palms. His brows are pulled tight and you kiss away the tension formed between them. “Where you go I follow. If you leave, so do I.” He’s already shaking his head before you can finish.

“I don’t want it to come to that. This is your home. The look on the kids’ faces when we had to leave the forest gutted me. I want this to be our home. But I don’t know how much longer this can last.” Neither of you mention that this small piece of happiness has already begun to slip through your fingers like sand. Lo’ak and Payakan are a welcomed distraction from the storm looming over the horizon, to the south where humans are beginning to attack villages. Tonowari has given the order to keep Jake hidden, but the peace his words have made is tenuous at best. How long until the sawtute bring their war to Awa’atlu if sister islands in the atolls are already being attacked? 

Still the days go on. Tonowari continues to bring hushed reports of what is happening just beyond the reaches of the village. It’s all you can do to share the burden of this knowledge with your sister, with your mate. The guilt tears at Jake’s heart each time he hears of more homes being burned and animals being needlessly killed, but just as you do he tucks it all away to keep the cloud of ignorance hanging over the childrens’ heads. But, sooner or later, gathering clouds bring rain. 

“These things happen.” Neteyam stiffens under your hands at the reassuring words, muscles tensing before he slowly eases himself. He’s embarrassed if the purple tinge of his cheeks and low draw of his ears are anything to go by. He’d come trailing into the marui holding his bleeding arm and promising that it couldn’t be as bad as it seemed given the blood dripping through the seams of his fingers. He keeps his gazes pointedly out of sight, lashes lowered to hide what you might find there, but his tanhì still keeps a stuttering glow beneath your fingers as you smooth a soothing balm over the newly made stitches of his arm. The jagged welt is short but cut deep, the mark of an irritated tsurak. These wounds are common in the clan, nearly everyone receives one during their training. It will heal and fade with time but perhaps quicker than Neteyam’s pride. 

“Skimwings are not easily mastered. It will take time before your chosen mount fully accepts you as its rider. These bonds aren’t as easily made as those with ikran and ilu. Ilu are docile and easily soothed. Tsurak are fierce creatures meant for hunting in open water, and they do not choose their riders as ikran do. It is good that they are vicious. With time their attitude will soften towards you. Until then, you must take care to stay away from their sharp bits.” It’s meant to be teasing but Neteyam shrugs from under your hands. You sigh. 

“Neteyam.” His head turns towards your voice but his eyes don’t rise to meet yours until you say his name again. He is embarrassed and disappointed. It is expected to fail before you succeed but it doesn’t seem like your son will allow himself such grace. As with everything else, he must uphold the highest standards lest it reflect badly on his family. So much of his life has been molded by the expectations of others. As the eldest son of Toruk Makto, and the older brother to a spitfire like Lo’ak who is so prone to making mistakes. It was clear from your first meeting that Neteyam tries his hardest to be like his father, and to make up for what others might say about his brother. But he is still young, still learning. 

“It’s alright. No one is expecting you to ride a tsurak with the ease of a hunter on your first attempt.”

“Sempul did.” You tuck a stray braid behind his drooping ear, stifling a laugh. 

“Your sempul has ridden greater things than a skimwing and even he took a few attempts before he could mount properly. I watched him. Even when I was training, I got scars of my own. It is the way of things. Mistakes mean you are learning.” 

“But I shouldn’t make mistakes.” He grumbles. “I should be better.”

“And you will be, ma’itan, with time. Now go. You’ll miss the rest of your lessons and be more upset with yourself come eclipse.” He still hasn’t fully shaken the weight of disappointment from his shoulders but Neteyam stands with a dull nod. His whole body sags beneath the weight of this failure to meet his own expectations. His tail is limp between his legs as he trails out of the marui. You’re only alone for a moment. Just long enough to turn the fish over the fire before Jake comes ducking in. 

“Neteyam was hurt?” He asks. 

“He is your son.” You sigh, setting aside the fish you’ve already wrapped in leaves. “He has learned to ride an ilu and now he is learning to mount a skimwing. He learns as quickly as the wind, but a storm can’t blow on forever.” 

“Did you talk to him?” He asks, finding his place beside you. You feel his hand find its way into your hair, twisting the dark waves over his fingers as he watches you cook. Neteyam isn’t usually so stubborn but he takes his responsibilities as the eldest son of a legendary warrior all too seriously. Never mind that Toruk Makto has only emerged five times since the times of the First Songs with Jake being the sixth. He needn’t be so insistent on being the strongest, the fastest, the absolute best. It is like the newly made warriors of the clan boasting their strength as if to prove their place among the People. Learning with a swiftness isn’t necessary especially when he is still adapting to life in a new place. 

“I told him these things take time, but he won’t hear my words. A tree does not grow overnight, but he seems to think he must make miracles happen to live up to you.” Jake’s ears fall back against his head, brows frowned as he mulls over your words. It is the truth. 

Jake is a miracle walking among the Na’vi. An uniltìrantokx that became one of the People. He came from a star. Lo’ak had shown it to you once. Pointing at a distant dot of light in the deep blue sky like a pearl at the bottom of the ocean. It seems so impossible to travel through the skies as if it were the ocean but you’ve seen what the sawtute can do. Their metal, their light. It is all so strange. Frightening. They take and take. More than what is needed. From the ground beneath their feet, they twist and distort until it is something unrecognizable as earth; as their home. There’s a sharp pang in your chest as you remember the feeling of Eywa crying out as the Omatikaya’s Kelutral fell to the humans’ greedy hands. Jake said that their mother was dead, that the Earth had nothing more to give, but they wanted more. They wanted to do that here. Perhaps Neteyam is right to want to be like his father. This war isn’t over. The attacks on neighboring islands have proven that. 

Another sigh leaves him and you can’t help but count the seconds it takes for the heaving breath to pass. 

“I wish he could’ve seen what I was like before. They wouldn’t believe the mistakes I made to become what I am today.” 

“I would.” You tease, letting the moment of tension pass. “I’d believe you fell out of every tree you tried to climb and missed every mark you tried to shoot. Like a baby.” 

“Kawngtu,” he says, mirthfully bearing his teeth, “I should show you all I have learned. You should know I am not a child.” Your ears grow hot at his words, cheeks warming as your freckles flicker to life as bumps like plucked flesh prickles down your arms. His tone is unmistakable. Low and warm with a teasing drawl but you won’t entertain his obvious advances. Even as his tail traces over the exposed skin of your back, drawing around your waist in a flirtatious display of affection, you ignore him in favor of continuing your cooking. Night is slowly approaching and the children will be hungry after their lessons and chores. Still acting childishly as always, Jake continues to pluck at your nerves like the string of a musical bow. You swipe at him when he gets in your way, whipping him with your tail when he won’t be moved quickly enough for your liking. His current disposition is favorable compared to how somber he’s been as of late. 

It’s regrettable that the two of you weren’t able to bask in the sweetness of a newly made bond. It is expected that the days following the first tsaheylu between mates is filled with only happiness. A break from responsibilities as a new spiritual thread is woven between two souls. But the Great Mother did not seem to think your bond needed moments of leisure to be made strong. Instead there have only been these few gentle moments stolen between the growing worries that seem to draw nearer with each passing day. Even this small moment is broken as a shadow passes through the soft light of the disappearing sun, tall and commanding as Tonowari arrives with a heavy look of resentment rising like a wave in his blue eyes. It’s a look you’ve come to recognize well in the weeks since the first sawtute found their way to Awa’atlu’s distant atolls. So far from the lush green corner of the Pandoran jungle where the humans first set their covetous sights, yet not free from their treacherous hands. 

“Tskano’a.” He says. Another village just like yours touched by those hands of destruction. “No one died. They were expecting an attack. Most of the marui survived their burning. But they are drawing nearer, Jakesully. I give you my word that no one will tell them where you are, but this is all I can do.” 

It’s what he always says. Tonowari is patient and kind. A worthy olo’eyktan. The protector of peace above all else. The safety of the clan means more to him than the destruction of these demons. To attack would mean to wage war and war would mean shattering the peaceful life he has built for his people. Yet it doesn’t seem as though the sawtute want to give him a choice. 

“The boy is still with them.” The human boy. Spider. That is what Jake called him. A friend of the children since childhood. He was brought up in the ways of the Omatikaya, as close as the clan would allow, and now he has betrayed his people by serving the sawtute. His life matters to your children and so you are glad to know he lives, but he is still human. A plague upon Pandora. 

“They’ll be here soon.” It is the truth you feel inside you, sounding as clear as your heartbeat as the Great Mother breathes the words into your spirit. Always listening. It is a tsahìk’s purpose. And these words you’ve heard countless times. Softly, like the whispers of the wind. But now they rush like blood in your ears.

It is the undeniable truth as plain as Naranawm’s blue eye in the sky. The humans are coming and they’ll be here soon. Even if they have to burn every village to the ground. The men look at you with fire in their eyes. A passion burns within them both; a need to protect. Now more than ever. Tonowari only nods at your grave words before departing. Jake ducks back inside but you remain just outside, feeling the warmth disappear from the air as the burning orange of the sun fades to the bluish darkness of night. The children will be returning soon but you can’t shake the cold hands of fear from your body. They linger over your heart and tie knots in your stomach, staving off any thoughts of joining your family for dinner. This family that you’ve only just become a part of. 

“We need to do something.” Jake ignores your words, crouching down to continue cutting fruit as you’d been before Tonowari’s visit. There’s an irritated strength in each slice of the knife, scoring the slab of wood as he goes. “Jake, they are looking for you. We need to trap them. Kill them. Before these demons destroy anything else.” The knife is set down with a troubled growl. 

“I know.” He seethes. “But we have to be smart. It isn’t just us that could get hurt if we attack.” You want to say more but Tuk comes skipping inside talking about a crab she saw today and the conversation is abandoned as the two of you try to rebuild the facade of safety around your children. But it begins to crumble each time your eyes meet. Bright yellow haunted with what’s to come clash with your gaze as a nauseating sort of anticipation fills you. Like waiting for a nightmare to begin. 

The feeling never seems to pass. 

Rain kisses against your skin in a warm spray. Not heavy enough to stir the waves, just enough to turn the sky to a dreary gray. Your feet sink into the damp sand as Jake leads you to where Ronal and Tonowari are waiting. A hunting party returned with news of an injured tulkun, but as soon as your eyes meet your sister’s, the air seems to shift. The wind feels sharper, the rain colder, and you shiver at the uncertainty in her eyes. Tonowari speaks but you can hardly hear him, his voice is like the crashing of waves after you’ve already dove beneath them, warbled and forgotten as you and Ronal share in your own silent conversation. She is your sister and that bond binds you close, but the lessons of your childhood have brought you even closer. The men speak with words as you open yourself to the Great Mother’s silent voice. She’s there in the wind, in the rain, in the sound of the waves. 

Panic settles over you as you feel loss echoing through the air. Ronal must feel it too as she cuts her husband short to usher your small party into the ocean. Your tsurak croaks as you make tsaheylu, the feeling of fear that has settled in your chest echoing through the bond. It only grows more unsettling when Tonowari finally lands, the rest of you drawing in close behind. The orange spread of the tsurak’s wings are the only color over the bleak waters, drawn to darkness by the storm. Except for another spot of orange, brighter and uninterrupted by any pattern. It is startlingly out of place. Like a fire burning on the waves. Sawtute. Just as their light is strange and wrong–too bright–this color is greatly misplaced in the gathered pod of tulkun. One is unmoving among them, only shifting with the crest and fall of the water. Not injured. Dead. 

Hì’ikran have already gathered, their small shadows swooping overhead and sharp cries cutting through the deep bellows of the mourning tulkun. The tiny banshees are already nipping at the tulkun as you move in closer. For a moment, you accept this as the way of things. There is balance in everything, even death. The hì’ikran must eat and here there is food. But your heart rejects the thought as soon as you are close enough to truly see the tulkun. Ronal makes a small, wounded noise just as your heart turns cold in your chest. The thumping beat of it stills to chilled silence as you lose yourself for a moment. Just long enough to fall from your skimwing. Your mount screeches as you plunge into the dark water, surfacing with a sputtering cry as you swim towards the tulkun. 

Ronal is already there, hands pressed desperately against the unmoving creature. A feeling of hopelessness crashes over you like a heavy wave, threatening to drag you beneath its unmovable weight as your eyes flit wildly across Roa’s body. Those bright orange wings keep her above the water, embedded in her thick skin. Blood seeps in tepid rivers from the places the metal stabbed through her body. The hooks don’t move as you pull at them until your palms burn where the metal begins to wear against your skin. You fall back into the water, thrown off of her by the force of your own strength. A wordless shriek tears from your throat as you swipe at one of the bloated bags with your knife. It tears open and Roa sags, one of her fins beginning to sink. Her son, still tucked beneath it, begins vanishing as well. 

He doesn’t look at you when you touch him, trying to pull him from under his mother’s unmoving body. He doesn’t offer those same shy clicks he’d given when you met him last. It rends a strangled sound from you. Wordless but understood as Ronal looks at you and the calf. She’s sitting on Roa’s forefin as she’s done so many times before. But the tulkun doesn’t greet her, doesn’t scold her son for his bashfulness. She simply floats, bloated eyes rolled towards the sky. Shot through with blood and unseeing as Ronal presses her forehead against her spirit sister. Despite the sudden cold of the rain and water there’s a warmth spreading through your body. A dangerous swirl of anger and grief, sadness and fear that is like a whirlpool in your chest, sucking away any clear thoughts. All you can see is Roa and her son. Dead. And your sister’s despair as she reaches for you through the water. Her hand shakes in yours but her grip is tight as if she will never let it go. Tears mingle with the rain as they drip down your cheeks. Everything feels too close and far away all at once. Like the ocean has disappeared and swallowed you whole. 

“Her name is Roa.” Tonowari says at last, head bowed towards Jake. His tone is clipped with suppressed emotion though you can see it in his eyes. The sorrow, the stifled rage. He sets his lip in a harsh line and looks towards the horizon. 

“She was my spirit sister.” Ronal’s voice is a watery croak. “She was the composer of songs. Much revered. We would sing together.” 

“She waited many breeding cycles to have this calf.” You sob. He was so small, so young. He had many years ahead of him, a spirit brother to bond with, calves of his own to have. And yet it’s all been washed away in a moment. “The clan was so happy for her.” 

“What is this, Tonowari?” Ronal turns to her mate, hand still tight around yours. “What is this?” She shrieks. The olo’eyktan bows his head in the face of his wife’s grief. Death is a heavy burden for anyone to bear but a tsahìk feels things with a strength beyond that of the People. A tsahìk feels all. And Roa was not simply a bonded member of the clan, but her spirit sister. This pain has bowed her over like a flower in the wind, petals fallen and stem broken. You feel it, as well, the deep, aching pain that refuses to pass. 

“What have they done?” You shout, turning to Jake. The anger swelling in your chest has turned the plea to an accusation. It is the wrong place to rest your anger but there is no one else in sight for you to blame. He flinches and lowers his gaze but doesn’t move to comfort you. It reminds you how different you truly are. The ocean is deep and full of dangers. Jake has to cling to his tsurak to keep afloat. You’ve taught him well but not well enough to survive in the open oceans without an animal to guide him. A dark, ugly feeling rises like poison in your chest; regret. For allowing him to stay and cast this dark shadow. 

The thought is there only for an instant before shock douses your wrath, snuffing it out before it can consume you in an inescapable blaze. It wasn’t Jake that killed Roa. It wasn’t your mate that brought you this pain. And even though you haven’t said anything out loud, for once you’re afraid that someone can see what is in your eyes because Jake urges his tsurak forward, out of your sight. It only causes your heart to sink lower in your chest. Ronal releases you with some hesitancy as you pull away from her hold to follow Jake. You watch his back as he bows under the shadow of Roa’s fin. He doesn’t go further than her side, eyes tracing over her body. He reaches for you as you swim to his side, pulling you into his arms. 

There’s a comforting strength in his arms. 

“My girl,” he says softly, the human words flowing off his tongue as he pulls you on to his mount. “I’m so sorry.” 

“The sea gives and the sea takes.” It’s all you can say, words pounding in your head like a drum. It blocks out all else. The sea gives and the sea takes. Water connects all things. Life to death, darkness to light. These words are your way of life. As familiar as your own name. There’s comfort in their truth. Water cannot flow on forever and it’s here that Roa’s river empties into the vastness of the ocean to join the memories of her ancestors. They will sing her songs, remember her voice. She will never be truly gone. And yet it feels as though every trace of her will slip between your fingers the moment you turn your back to her. Tears still cloud your vision as you look at her prone body. There are more orange bags beneath her fins and a strange light like a white flame flickering over her back. A huge barb stands out against her dark scales, the needle plunged deep into her back. 

“Ma Jake.” It is something alien. Something human. Bright red and flashing as it is. There’s a soft sound emanating from it like a bird’s chirp. 

“Shit.” Jake curses. Always in English. He carefully climbs onto Roa’s back and you watch as his fingers dance over the strange object until it falls dark and silent. He pulls it from the space between her scales. You shrink away when he brings it for you to see, wholly uninteresting in being so close to their strange tools. 

“It’s a tracker.” He says as Tonowari rounds Roa’s body. His eyes trail over her before settling on the metal thing in Jake’s hand. You leave them to talk over what the tracker could mean. They’ve moved on from this but you’ll stay if only for a few moments longer. This will be the last time you see Roa and you want to remember it for a little while longer. 

It’s quiet as you sink beneath the waves, skin coming to life with dots of pale light as you swim beneath Roa’s shadow. Your fingers trace against her skin, finding the shapes of her tattoos across her pale underbelly. They tell a story of her life. Each mark etched into her skin like the bead of a songcord. Ronal is there as well, staring at the tattoos. Her eyes hold steady on the twin flowers blooming from a single vine. The same ink that trails along Veyan’s side. Both tulkun had gotten the tattoos to commemorate their bond with you and Ronal. You wonder if Veyan felt Roa’s death as the two of you had. If she is somewhere mourning the loss of a sister. 

«We must lay her to rest.» Ronal nods, neither of you mentioning that she will hardly be given the traditional funeral rites. She’ll be sunk here in the open water. Far from the tulkun resting grounds. The water is deep and dark. No anemones bright as sunlight dance in the gentle current below. Still Ronal unsheathes her blade and nods for you to do the same. The orange wings fold in on themselves, spewing out air as Roa begins to sink. Her son falls beside her and the two of you follow them down as far as you dare, watching their silhouettes disappear into the deep. There’s a burst of light when they finally land, stirring up stray flashes of syuratan. The tulkun begin to sing their bellowing mourning song. It rings through your head, echoing through the journey back to shore. Heavy and sorrowful as they sing about their sister. The clan will mourn too. 

The rain falls heavier as Tonowari calls the village to order in the central marui. There’s a restless sort of energy flowing like lapping waves through the crowd as Ronal pulls you to stand beside her and Tonowari. 

“My spirit sister and her baby have been murdered by the sky people!” Hushed sounds of anguish rush through the air, mournful yipping and defensive hisses. 

“This war has come to us. We knew about the hunting of our tulkun people, but it was over the horizon. Far away. Now, it is here!” Tonowari’s voice booms through the marui, crashing like thunder over the People as he declares war on the sawtute. Others join in his show of aggression, teeth and tongues bared in fierce war faces. Upset turns to aggression as growls ripple through the crowd, spears thumping and eyes flashing with a need for retribution. Jake’s eyes pass over the crowd with a look of distress.

“The sky people don’t think like us. They don’t care about the great balance.” He tries to reason. 

“We do not answer to sky people!” A hunter shouts. Jake’s nose scrunches in distaste, a shadow casting over his eyes as his brows furrow. 

“They’re not going to stop. This is only the beginning. You have to tell your tulkun to leave. Tell them to go far away!” 

“Leave?” You hiss. How could he say such a thing? The tulkun are part of the clan. To tell them to leave would be to sever the bond that has held strong for so many generations. 

“You live among us and you learned nothing!” Ronal shouts. Others second her words, the shows of aggression only spreading further. Half of the crowd has shifted their weight into a lower stance, preparing for a fight that will soon be on the horizon. 

“No! Hear my words! If you fight they will destroy you. They will destroy everything that you love!” Jake points to Ronal, still heavy with child, but his eyes linger on you. There’s sincerity there. A hope that this battle will not come to pass. You hiss at him, baring your fangs. He may be your mate but you cannot stand beside him in this. Roa and her child must be avenged. No more villages will be burned. No more lives will be lost. Ronal’s hand covers her stomach, face falling from anger to disbelief. Her child has not even taken their first breath and Jake dares to threaten them with the violence of these demons. 

“Hear my words!” Jake shouts over the uproar but no one will heed his warnings. The time for peace has passed. An unbounded tulkun being lost could be ignored, but this was a bonded member of the Metkayina. The spirit sister of the tsahìk. Her death will not be forgotten and the clan will not be deterred. No matter who he turns to, no one will listen to Jake. He may have been olo’eyktan once but his voice holds no weight here. Not when it is so plainly clear that he does not understand your way of life. You thought that you had taught him well. That he was becoming one with the clan. But it’s clear that you had been wrong in your assumption. His eyes are pleading as he looks to you, begging your word to second his. When you don’t raise your voice to support him he hisses indignantly and snatches the strange tracker from Neteyam’s hand, cursing in English. A hush falls over the crowd as he raises it above his head, everyone falling still at the sight of the alien object. An arm pulls you away from Jake as he climbs up next to Tonowari, Ronal keeping you close at her side as her other hand holds her mate’s arm. 

“You tell the tulkun that if they’re hit by one of these they’re marked for death. Call for me I’ll silence it. Saving their lives, that’s all that matters. Right? Saving your family.” He says, eyes landing on you and your sister. His words seem to soothe the People. Everyone lingers in the silence, unsure if this moment of peace will last. Tonowari turns to the two of you but you look away from him. The anger you felt when you first saw Roa’s body is beginning to creep up again, embers turning to a blazing flame. You want to fight. It is what is right after losing a member of the clan in such a brutal way. But Jake knows things that the rest of you don’t. If he says that a war with the sky people will only bring death, you’re inclined to believe him. If Toruk Makto isn’t certain of victory, then perhaps the battle should not be fought at all. Ronal shifts next to you before an unspoken decision passes between her and Tonowari. 

“Tell the tulkun.” His word is final and yet no one moves. 

“Go.” Ronal says and the tension releases at last. “Go!” The People begin to disperse and Jake goes with them. 

“Jake.” He doesn’t turn even as you follow his retreating back. “Ma Jake.” He stops only when you run in front of him, blocking his path forward with your hands flat against his chest. He frowns at you, jaw clenched tight as his yellow eyes spear you in place. He’s angry. But so are you. 

“I will not stand and do nothing!” His hand grips your wrist and pulls you away from the marui still crowded with people. He doesn’t speak until the two of you are in the privacy of his home, the children still missing in all the chaos. 

“Jake!” His grip isn’t tight and is easily broken when you wrench your arm free of him. He doesn’t let you go further than a few steps before he’s clinging to you again, hands holding your shoulders to keep your eyes steady on him. 

“Ma muntxate,” he says slowly, “listen to me now.” His tone is that of a scolding parent and you feel your lip twitch, wanting to hiss at him once more. His lips press against yours before you can. It’s a grounding sort of intimacy. Soft and searching as each of you pour your feelings into each other. Your anger and grief mingles with his caution and fear. 

“Listen to me. Humans have been hunting tulkun for a long time. This is the first time they’ve ever been so blatant about it, leaving Roa the way they did. They’re not hunting tulkun. That was a show of power. They’re hunting me. And if we fight back it will lead them right to us. I can’t let that happen. Just trust me on this, okay?” He tucks a limp strand of hair behind your drooping ear, fingers caressing your cheeks still damp with rain and tears. 

“So we must sit and do nothing?” It’s unthinkable. Roa and her child have been lost and he is asking you to stay idle as their murderers kill more tulkun. How long until Veyan is lost? Until Tsireya’s spirit sister is attacked. The tulkun will be thinning like harvested roots until there are none left. Then what will happen to the Great Mother’s balance? It isn’t the way of things and you won’t stand by as Eywa mourns the untimely death of another of her children felled by the sky people. 

“Look, I’ve got nothing. But this will protect the People. I don’t want anyone else to get hurt because of me. If we fight, Na’vi will die.”

“And if we don’t, tulkun will die. Needlessly. A life lost at war is a sacrifice for the People. One that every warrior is willing to make. One that I am willing to make.” Jake winces at your words. “I’m sorry, Jake, but it is the truth. I am Metkayina. We fight to protect our brothers and sisters. This is the way. I thought you had learned that by now. How can you say you will not fight? You’re Toruk Makto.” So few have emerged since the First Songs, and only in times of great sorrow. He is a warrior of legend and yet here he sits, refusing to fight as if the mantle can so easily be removed. His name will be woven into songs for generations to come. What will they say of this battle? That he stood aside and let the sawtute terrorize the atolls that gave his family solace in their time of need?

“I told Ronal and Tonowari; I’m done with war. I did not lie about that. I came here for a life of peace.” 

“And is that peace not worth fighting to protect when it is threatened? Ma Jake, the Great Mother chose you for something. She has protected and guided you. Do not let her efforts be in vain.” He moves to say something but his brow twitches as the small object in his ear buzzes to life. His hand reaches for yours as he listens to the low noises. 

“Lo’ak?” He asks, pressing his fingers against his neck where an unbeaded choker sits above the necklace you recently made for him. More quiet humming follows until he asks, “Who’s with you?” Another beat of silence, then, “You get to cover and you do not engage. All right? You hear me? Do not engage. We’re coming.”

“Ma Jake, what is wrong?” He’s already moving, pulling you out of the marui. 

“The kids are in danger. Ao’nung and Tsireya are with them.” You look around at the people passing, calling warriors to your side as you rush to Ronal and Tonowari. 

“Is Rotxo with them?” You ask, not seeing his cropped hair as you pass by his family’s marui. 

“He said it was all of them. Come on!” Ronal and Tonowari look relatively peaceful despite the day’s events. Your sister cutting fruit and Tonowari repairing a net as the group you’ve gathered comes running up the path to their home, whooping out war cries that gain their attention. Ronal is on her feet in an instant, knife still in hand.

“The kids are under attack. They’re defending a tulkun. It’s your kids too!” 

“The demon ship?” Tonowari asks. 

“Yes! Hurry up, we have to move!” Jake leaves you to your own, nearly abandoned marui, returning with weapons of his own. Your spear feels strange in your hands after years of disuse. Hunting has never been something you were suited to but this weapon had become an extension of your body as you blossomed into adulthood. Years of learning the clan’s traditions have given you the strength to wield it but it has never felt as heavy as it does now with anger running in your veins like burning rivers of fire. Whatever peace you’d quieted your mind to was shattered the moment your family was put in danger and the rage rolls through you like thunder. There’s a restlessness in your body like you’re filled with a roiling tide, hands shaking as you grip tight to your weapons until your knuckles pale and your body stills to the lethal stillness of a proper Metkayina warrior. Jake returns just as you duck back into the passing storm. The sky has begun to lighten as the reef fills with the clan and their mounts all screeching out deafening war cries, weapons poised to attack. 

“Come here,” Jake stops you before you can rush past him. His hand linger on your skin after he puts a matching choker around your neck, fingers pushing back your hair as he puts that strange ornament in your ear. 

“Press here when you want to talk.” He says, leading your fingers to the two pads of the necklace. “I’ll be able to hear you wherever you are. Lo’ak has one, too. If we’re apart, hold here and I’ll hear you.” He holds your gaze for a beat longer, speaking without words. He’s afraid. He’s angry. The man before you is no longer just Jakesully. He is truly Toruk Makto. 

“Come. We must hurry.” You push past him to call for your tsurak. These demons have trampled their way across Pandora and arrived so near to your home. And now they’ve threatened your childrens’ lives. The lives of your niece and nephew. After killing Ronal’s spirit sister. A need to avenge laces through your body like bolts of white lightning, sharp, bitter, and burning as you add your own shrieking cries to the din. You ride at the head of the party, beside your sister with Jake and Tonowari at your flanks. 

It isn’t long to Three Brothers Rocks, the towering stone fingers appear over the horizon with the demon ship beneath their shadow. It is larger than any human invention you’ve ever seen, like a metal island floating in the waves. It is too far to see every detail but your eyes catch the unfocused shapes of humans skittering across the ship like bugs, their faces covered in those familiar shells. It wouldn’t take much to break it, to fill their lungs with the air of your planet. So much of Pandora is hostile even to natives and yet they think they can tame her. Soon they will learn. Some lessons must be taught more than once. 

“They’ve got our kids.” Jake says. “Your daughter. Tuk. Lo’ak.” Tonowari growls, voice scorched with hostility. Ronal’s hiss is nearly a whimper, nearly identical to your own. 

“Jake,” a voice crackles to life in your ear, sounding far off and nothing like Lo’ak’s. You press the strange piece of metal closer to your ear as the voice continues. They’re speaking English and you haven’t learned nearly enough from Jake and the children to fully grasp what’s being said. Only a few stray words are recognized. 

“What is he saying?” You ask, eyes flitting desperately between Jake and the ship. Whoever it is means to harm your family. That much you know even without understanding every word. Everyone’s eyes fall to Jake. 

“Hold here.” He says at last. 

“They are killers of tulkun.” Tonowari stops him before he can go further. “They must die. Here. Today.” These murderers must restore the great balance with their own blood. A thousand of their lives are less valued here than one of a single tulkun. The killing of even one was a declaration of war. No more lives will fall to their greed. Not if you can kill them where they stand. 

“It’s me that they want. That’s what all this has been about. Let me do this.”

“You brought this upon us!” Ronal bites out. Her gaze flickers between you and your mate as if unsure of who her anger should scorch first. It was you that spoke for him when she wanted to deny his family sanctuary. This could have been avoided had you held your tongue. But whatever happens, this is the path you’ve chosen to walk. It seems Jake has accepted his fate as well. 

“It’s me that has to do this.” The voice returns but none of his words make sense. Jake’s voice echoes in your ear as he answers, English flowing easily from his tongue. He gives you a parting glance before leading his tsurak forward. 

“Jake!” Ronal stops you from following with her spear across your stomach. 

“You stay. He has brought this storm over our heads. Let him be the one to quell it.” Your sister says. Her eyes hold flecks of sympathy but it is overshadowed by her need to protect. She is tsahìk. Eywa has chosen her to keep peace and balance. Jake’s life may be enough to free your children and turn the sawtute away from the Metkayina atolls. It is a sacrifice she is willing to make for peace. 

“Ronal.” You can’t watch your mate give himself over to those demons just as much as you can’t watch your clan fall to their hands. It feels as though your soul is tearing in two. A tsakarem protects her people, protects the great balance. But a mate protects their muntxatu. You grip her spear, ready to push it aside and defy her once more just as something breaks through the waves up ahead. A tulkun rises from the water, crashing down over the demon ship with a ferocious bellow. Payakan. 

The bugs begin to scatter aboard their ship and a screeching war cry tears from your lips, calling the rest of the clan to join. It calls the humans’ attention and they turn their eyes to the clan closing in on them. Teeth bared and weapons raised. 

Their guns are loud. It sounds like a hail of heavy rainfall as they turn their guns on you but they’re nearly silent beneath the water as you urge your tsurak to dive. Their tiny metal arrows hiss through the water in cloudy streams, too slow to do harm even as so many fall around you. It’s as if they’re coming from all sides as the shadows of their smaller boats pass overhead, lit by the red bursts of light that follow each fire of their guns. They’re easy to see and hard to lose. Hunting animals is harder than spotting a human with a gun. You rise from the water as another ship draws in close. One of them shouts as you arc overhead, a pained yowl leaving their lips as your spear tears through their chest. If they were alive when you dove back into the water they’ll die soon enough as you kick their limp body off of your blade. One life has been avenged. Still more to reap. 

The sounds of death fill the air as the ocean is stained with more blood but it hardly brings relief. It is the same as the sound of a wounded animal. A death with a purpose. It is what you remind yourself as their empty eyes gaze up at you before their life is snuffed out. It is for a greater purpose. One they could never understand. The great balance is something these demons could never grasp. Some learn. They haven’t. This is the way. And it is good. 

A hunter strives for clean kills. Needless suffering is not needed to kill a prey. The humans make mercy simple as their soft bodies burst like dropped fruit under your blade, crystal spearhead cleaving through their bodies wherever you strike. They cry out in warbled shouts for only a moment before falling silent. “Please” is a word you recognize but pay no heed to. The tulkun that they murdered surely begged for their lives as well. Your tsurak lets out a shrieking cry as you breach over another boat, its teeth tearing into whatever comes between its jaws. 

Neteyam’s wound pales in comparison to the deep fissures your mount carves out of the human, their skin turning to ribbons in the animal’s sharp teeth. But he isn’t dead. You flinch back as he swings a knife at you, the blade small enough for a child. It feels strange to touch him as you catch his wrist when he swings again. You hadn’t touched Max, hadn’t touched any human. The feeling is strange and new. His body is oddly pliant, soft enough for you to feel his bones shift beneath your fingers as your grip on his wrist tightens until he drops his blade. His eyes are blank of any inner glow–his soul hidden or absent completely–but his face curls in terror as his weapon falls. 

“Txopu rä’ä si, vrrteptsyìp.” He begins to cry, tears shining in his eyes as you yip and plunge your tsurak back into the water. He isn’t dead but he is close enough as blood streaks your mount’s maw. Streams of red fill the water as the clan makes quick work of the humans in the smaller boats, yet they still move with no guide. A burst of heat singes across your skin as an empty boat crashes into a stone outcropping in a cloud of flaming smoke, the metal crumpling like a teylu shell as it folds itself around the black stone. Dark clouds rise from the water where other boats have caught fire, some still carrying screaming sawtute. You watch a hunter rise from the water to meet them as they crawl out of the flames, spear tearing through two at a time before the third is met with his knife. 

Their numbers are becoming fewer, but so are yours as riders are shot from their mounts under the endless downpours of their metal rain. A shout leaps from your lungs as one grazes your arm, hardly enough to truly harm you but it feels like a burning stone has passed over your skin. The ocean stings against the shallow wound as you dive out of danger. The pain is hardly more than a dull prickling but others aren’t as lucky as bodies float around you. Brave warriors lost so that this battle can be won. Each of them will be mourned in turn but not now. You blink away the heat of the tears threatening to rise behind your eyelids and focus on the war still raging just over your head. 

The thin shafts of your spear arrows bend under your tight grip as your eyes find another boat floating overhead. The metal husk is caught in flames as the humans abroad rush to put out the fire. It will be of no use as one of your spear tears through their bodies. Their heads barely turned to the sound of your war cry before screams of their own join yours as blood bursts from their pierced chests. More dead but you may be joining them as a third appears, gun in hand. Your tsurak rears back, catching the shots in its chest. The pain echoes through tsaheylu, carving a burning ache between your ribs as your mount’s jaw closes around the human’s head in a final act of retribution. It rears back with a muffled screech, tossing the three of you out of the flaming boat. You’re only thrown as far as a stone outcropping as tsaheylu breaks and your tswin is freed from the bond. The stony shore scrapes at your skin but you roll to your knees with the momentum. Without your skimwing you’re stranded in the middle of a battle with only a few spear arrows in hand and your knife on your hip. 

The dark stone hardly conceals your vibrant body and you slink back into the water, still keeping close to shore. Smoke fills the air with thick, grayish clouds that blot out the sky and everything has taken on the flickering color of flames. Most of the metal boats are destroyed or empty, a few unmoving bodies still aboard. The demon ship is in flames as well and the humans are scattering to smaller boats. They’re leaving. Abandoning their ship and this war that they’ve called upon themselves. Their shouts echo across the open water but from this distance you could never hope to understand their words. You hope they are laments of defeat and promises of renouncing their attempted claim on Pandora. To continue will only bring them more death at your peoples’ hands. Because more lives have been lost than just tulkun. Their fingers spread across Eywa’eveng like poisonous roots, digging deep and stripping all that they touch. Leaving would be best.

Your head falls back against the rocks behind you, eyes facing the hazy sky. It is nearly eclipse. Soon the battlefield will fall into a blue-lit night. Your eyes will not be burdened by the darkness but humans aren’t so lucky. They should leave, you think tiredly. Return to that distant star in the night sky. Your body aches and your heart hurts. You can’t imagine what more pain they’ll bring if they stay. There’s blood on your hand as you lift it from the water, patches of red that the ocean couldn’t wash away. Your hand trembles as you stare at it, trying to decide if the blood is yours or another’s. It hardly matters as you press your bloody fingers to your throat like Jake showed you. 

“Jake.” Half of you expects your only answer to be silence. Or that unknown voice that stole Lo’ak’s necklace. 

“I hear you.” His voice sings through you. He’s alive. 

“My tsurak is dead. I’ve lost my spear.” Your voice sounds tired even to your own ears. Low and gruff as you inhale another breath of smoky air. Exertion burns in your legs and your tail feels bruised as you keep yourself afloat. The moment of stillness has brought you back to yourself, steadied your mind enough to feel your body. No longer numbed by the instinct to fight, the aches and pains of battle slowly make themselves known until even the tips of your ears are throbbing. But now isn’t the time for pain. There will be time to nurse your wounds once the battle is won. 

“Where are you?” Jake asks, his voice pitching with panic. You move to answer only to stop short as a large shadow swoops overhead. You sink beneath the surface as an ikran flies through the clouds of smoke, a figure hanging in its claws. Their words are muffled beneath the water but you recognize the sound of your daughter’s voice. Jake calls your name, it rings in your ear but you don’t answer. Your spear arrows are tossed ashore as you fill your lungs with acrid air before diving after the banshee. As quick as you are in the water, you’re not nearly as fast as the ikran and you watch from a short distance as Kiri is dropped aboard the demon ship. You rise to take a breath, eyes desperately searching for a way in that isn’t through the throng of demon warriors still leaving the burning ship. A flash of blue catches your eye as two bright silhouettes board the ship, crouching low as they move further inside. Tuk and Tsireya. Now you have two more reasons to board the demons’ ship. 

This metal does not burn when you press your palms against it like it had in your vision at the Ranteng Utralti. Instead it reminds you of stones cooled in the shadows as you leave wet footprints in your wake. Even as the humans disappear the ship has not fallen silent. It groans and shrieks out in a monotonous trill as a red light winks in and out of the flooding rooms. Soon the ocean will swallow it whole and whoever’s left will sink with it. You don’t intend for this place to be your resting place. The humans make it easy as you slink through the underbelly of their ship. Shadows pass over you inattentively. A child has more sense than these demons. Even the uniltìrantokx do not seem to know how to use their bodies. Their ears don’t move toward the muted sound of your footsteps, their nose doesn’t scent the smell of blood clinging to your skin. 

They all simply meander, guns poised loose and useless as you slink past, careful of the debris scattered across the floor. Your silence is unnecessary as the warriors stir up enough noise to cover each of your footsteps. Their voices twitter like birds as they mill around with little regard to your shape moving through the shadows just beyond their sight. Their voices echo through the metal walls along with that shrieking noise. It keeps time like a drum as your eyes search for the children in every space you pass. There are so few people still aboard that their voices stand out in the din of the sinking ship. Soft and frantic rather than loud and self-assured. You move towards the sound of their voices like a stalking nantang, your fingertips pressing into the floor as you move on all fours. Your hand finds a broken piece of the ship. Thin and hollowed, the ends broken to jagged points. It’s not nearly long enough to mimic a spear but the shape and weight of it offers some reassurance as you emerge from the shadows, keen on getting the girls off this demon ship. 

Tsireya and Tuk are crouched next to Kiri, trying to cut her free. You wait for the next beat of the ship’s shrieking before letting out a sharp yip. Kiri’s ear twitches towards the sound. You match another shriek with your own, your voice ringing out in time with the strange noise. Tuk jumps, eyes looking around as she hears your voice echo through the air. 

“It’s Sa’nu!” She says quietly. Kiri nods, shifting restlessly as Tsireya’s knife makes little progress on her bindings. 

“Cut it here.” Kiri corrects her, holding out the thin orange material as best she can. All their heads are bowed low, watching the bindings begin to give. You move towards them slowly, only stopping as more humans and uniltìrantokx come into view. You leap from the large metal box you’d been crouched upon, bringing your makeshift spear down hard on a warrior’s head. It makes a sickening cracking sound as blood rushes to the surface of their cropped hair. You swing again and their mask shatters, blood bursting from their crumpled nose. He gasps for air and you watch as Pandora poisons his lungs before moving on to the next. An uniltìrantokx raises their gun and you duck away from the hail of their fire to the sound of Tuk calling for you. A voice follows hers. One that is vaguely familiar. The same voice that has buzzed in your ear before the battle began. 

I want her, you recognize the words if only barely. Alive. The guns fall silent. You dare to glance towards the girls only to see an uniltìrantokx grab Tsireya’s wrist and toss her off a ledge. The breath stills in your lungs as you pray to not hear the horrible sound of your niece’s body landing far below. Instead there’s a splash. He’s tossed her overboard. Thrown her to safety. The voice speaks again and you hear one of your girls hiss. 

“Are you a Sully?” The voice shouts in broken Na’vi. A child is more eloquent and you don’t deign to answer. You aren’t called Sully. It isn’t your family name. But Jake has told you that human traditions are different. You would not be called mates on Earth. You’d be married and he’d give you his name. But you are not on Earth and he is no longer human. Such things mean nothing here. 

“Demon!” You shout back. “Release my children.” It’s doubtful that he understands Na’vi any more than you understand his Earth language, but you won’t embarrass yourself as he has by struggling to string words together. 

“You are a Sully.” He says with a mirthful tone. His next words seem to be directed towards the people around him and you tense for another rain of gunfire. Instead there’s the echoing thud of their heavy foot-coverings against the creaking metal floor as they seem to close in. The sounds are muted but your ears have learned to recognize even the smallest noises. Even the faintest snap of a twig in the forest could mean death if you aren’t an attentive hunter. It has never been your strongest suit but as the smell of their sweat begins to fill your nose as your ears twitch towards each new footfall you realize your weakest trait is still stronger than whatever they’re capable of. At least you hope it is. When the first warrior rounds the bend towards you you’re poised and waiting. His legs buckle as you sweep them from beneath him with a swift kick. He lands with a shout, his gun jumping from his hand. You kick it further from his reach as you round on the next target. A human warrior. Easier to deal with. He’s learned from the last human warrior you took down and ducks when you swing towards his head with your metal spear. You swing again, lower than he can duck and slash open the thick armor over his chest. It spills out white fibers that float like pollen in the air. 

The uniltìrantokx–their leader it would seem–barks another order and more of his warriors descend upon you like a cloud blocking out the sun. There are a few more wounds inflicted by your hand before you’re disarmed, someone’s arms hooked beneath yours with their hands clasped behind your head. You feel their knitted fingers digging into your skull, pressing against your tswin.  A hiss falls from your lips as he catches your thrashing tail between his legs when you manage to swing your hips and knock back a human that moved too close. The pain is a dull ache that thrums at the base of your spine but it doesn’t stop you from kicking as you’re dragged from your secluded corner into the full light of the fading sun. Eclipse is approaching fast and the warm light spills across the sinking ship, all of its metal innards limned in firelight. The uniltìrantokx that has you in his grip laughs as you thrash in his arms, flexing his arms to tighten his hold on you. You feel like a freshly caught fish dangling in a fisherman’s net. A snarl finds your lips to mask the shame as the leader of this war band approaches you with the saunter of a seasoned warrior despite his young appearance. He shouldn’t be so assured as he leans down to meet your gaze. 

“You are Jake’s woman, yes? Mate?” He asks. Whoever this man is, he knows Jake. Your mate never spoke of the war that he won all those years ago. The songs only praise Jake. He is Toruk Makto. A dreamwalker that became one of the People. But this man carrying himself as if he is a true Na’vi, wearing the skin of your people, must have been a part of the story he’s never told. From the time before the songs begin. He asks again, slower, as if you’re a child needing time to understand. As if he isn’t the one speaking like a baby. 

“Yes.” You bite out in English. That word you know. 

He huffs out a dry chuckle, “Good.” The smile that finds his lips is nothing short of predatory, his fangs catching the flashing light of the ship. He stands back to his full height and nods to the man still holding you back from attacking this uniltìrantokx with teeth and claws. The warrior at your back drags you to the ledge where Kiri and Tuk are bound and kicks at the back of your knees. You’re expecting it and your knees buckle but you don’t fall. He kicks again, harder this time, and you go down with a shout. But he doesn’t bind you as he did the children. Instead their strange orange binding is lashed to your upper arm, luckily leaving your injured arm free. You tug against the restraint as he ties you to the ship and the material bites into your skin. If you pull hard enough you’ll bleed where the edges dig into the rippling shapes decorating your arm. Tuk is quick to move towards you, tucking her body as close to your chest as her bound arms will allow. Kiri moves closer behind until she’s leaning against your back as you hug Tuk to your chest. 

“Sa’nok, your knife.” Kiri whispers. The warriors are inattentive, talking amongst themselves as if you’re of no threat to them. They hadn’t even bothered to disarm you or even search for any weapons. Perhaps they expect your comparatively sparse coverings to be incapable of concealing anything. And yet they’ve missed the knife still sheathed behind you, hidden beneath the thick waves of your damp hair. With a free arm and a weapon you could break free of your bindings but how quick would these demons fall upon you and your daughters. You only managed to fight against them for a few moments, injuring only a few before you were caught. Perhaps you could free Tuk and Kiri but they seem to think they need the three of you. Need people tied to Jake. 

“Not yet.” You try to keep the exhaustion from your voice as you squint against a sudden burst of light as eclipse closes in. A blue glow overtakes the last dregs of the amber glow of the sun and your skin flickers to life. The humans seem to draw in closer to each other, weary of the night even as the ship is still filled with false torchlight. Only their leader still stands alone. He guards the empty space between you and his warriors as you keep close to your children. His footfalls don’t have the same weight to them as he paces barefoot across the groaning metal. The pool behind you is steadily filling with water. The ship is sinking and if you don’t move soon it will take you and your girls with it. Your fingers twitch, eager to grab your blade, only stopped when the leader begins to speak again. Half of his words are lost to you but some are caught with the small knowledge you’ve collected. 

“I’ve got your daughters.” He sounds proud, taunting. “I’ve got your woman.” You hiss but keep still as the warriors turn towards the sound of your protest. They don’t look so worried now. The woman among them, arms covered in colorful tattoos, chuckles. She pushes out her bottom lip like a disgruntled child, mocking you. You bare your fangs with a snarl and she returns the gesture, though her hiss is hardly intimidating. Kiri snorts softly beside you, equally as unimpressed with these false-bodied warriors. The lead uniltìrantokx keeps up his taunting but your focus stays on the female warrior as her tail curls playfully behind her. She’s enjoying this. 

“You will never be one of the People.” You mutter. She snorts at that. Her jovial disposition disturbs you. You’ve taken many lives today but you took pleasure in none of it. It is the same as hunting. These kills were a necessity. This dreamwalker seems content to cause harm for her pleasure. You can See it in her eyes. Human eyes are empty. But she isn’t entirely human anymore. It’s barely a flicker of light but you catch the thread of amusement and it curls in your stomach like acid. Demons. All of them. She only looks away when one of them barks out some clipped words and they all begin to move in step, perching with their guns raised as they wait for something. No, someone. Their lively mood drops into a somber silence as they lie in wait for Jake. Even the humans know to fear Toruk Makto. 

Their leader’s mood hasn’t shifted. He still sounds so assured as his voice hums in your ear. He hasn’t moved out of your line of sight as the others have and he’s gone back to pacing as they wait. He says something you don’t quite understand but Tuk and Kiri do. Your youngest looks up at you with eyes full of fear. Whatever he’s said has scared her. She looks under your arm towards the rapidly rising water that’s slowly filling the room below, overtaking the limits of the pool. Her breathing picks up as she shifts anxiously. You draw her head against your chest, letting her listen to the steady beat of your heart only for it to stutter as you hear his next words. 

“Your boy didn’t have to die.” It’s hardly understood but it settles like stones in your heart. 

Your boy, he said. Die. Your eyes cut towards him, ears drawn tight to your skull as the words echo in your head. Your boy. Die. One of your sons has died. Neteyam is dead. Lo’ak is dead. Your son is dead. Your boy is dead. 

Your breaths begin to come in huffs like a chuffing pale as you breathe deep through your nose. It does little to soothe your anger but it’s all you can hear. Your labored breath and your heated blood rushing through your ears. Your heart beat thuds steadily like the beat of a drum. Keeping time as you draw your knife from behind your back. The crystal blade cuts through your bindings with ease. You’re free. The man is still talking, eyes looking towards the horizon as he taunts your mate. His voice is still in your ear but you can hardly hear anything outside of yourself. It’s only the sound of your breath, the beat of your heart. There are no thoughts in your head and yet your body moves. You feel yourself taking staggering steps towards the uniltìrantokx, your knife gripped tight in hand. Heat drips down your cheeks as your vision swirls. The man before you wavers as tears cloud your vision, his back still towards you. He doesn’t hear your footsteps, doesn’t feel the waves of rage cresting over him as your shadow flickers across his back. You raise your blade to strike only to be swept off your feet and tossed away from him. 

For a moment, you’re weightless. Then your body is met with the floor. Pain throbs through your back as scraps of the ship dig into your spine. The space above you swoops and dives like a bird before settling as your vision steadies with a dull throb thrumming in the back of your head. But the pain hardly touches you. It feels like when you fell from a tree as a child. The air is punched from your lungs and you roll to your knees with heaving breaths. Whatever that was has thrown you into a lower area of the ship. Your fingers sift through blood and those same crystal shards from your vision as you push yourself upright, stumbling only slightly. The tiny chips dig into the soles of your feet as you retrace your steps to get back to your daughters. Too much has been lost. You can’t lose anything else. Not today. You find your knife and then a lost spear as you move through the ship. It’s sized to someone taller than you but it will do fine as you follow the shadows moving through the smoke and fire. 

They no longer look like people. Even the uniltìrantokx begin to lose shape in your eyes, becoming faceless entities. Empty and spiritless. Abominations. Demons. Disgusting mockeries of your People meant to be killed without mercy. You will show them none. The ground is hot beneath your feet, metal finally beginning to burn after another fire burst to life. It’s startled the last threads of the human plague and you’ll use their fear against them. 

The clouds of smoke and dimmed light hides you in plain sight. A spine is separated, ribs shattered, as your spear cleaves through the back of an uniltìrantokx. They shout, spewing out blood. It splatters across your face like warm rain as you heave the spear over your head, tossing their body off of your blade. The rest of the bugs are scattering under the light of the flaming rain. Another bursts open as you leap from the darkness. One end of the spear kills one and with a twirl the other end tears through another. The little ones are easier to kill even as they point their guns at you. You swing up and open one of them from groin to face, shattering their mask before pushing them aside to find something else to kill. A shadow moves behind you but they don’t feel faceless. You know their presence. Another hail of gunfire illuminates the silhouette in bursts of reddish light. He only glances at you for a second before throwing a spear of his own at you. You duck with a hiss as it flies past you, landing with a wet thud as it finds the stomach of another uniltìrantokx just behind you. His hands close around the shaft, fingers knotted tight as he tries to pull it out before going limp. When you turn, whoever threw the spear is already gone. Something tugs at your heart and the haze settled over your mind shifts for only a moment before snapping back into place as guns fire forehead. 

Arrows would be better. Would keep you further from the touch of these demons, but the spear is all you have. You swing with vengeful shouts that grate in your throat, burning as smoke fills your lungs. Three more. They turn to the sound of your landing. Tiny things. Easily killed. One. Two. Three. The third gets stuck on your spear, his hands blood-slicked hands clawing at the wood as your foot presses into his stomach. He won’t be moved. Your knife finds his throat to silence his screams. A mercy he shouldn’t be afforded. One moves behind you, crawling as he clutches the wound you’ve cleaved through his side. It’s leaking rivers of blood so thick that survival will be impossible and yet you can’t stop yourself from leaping onto his back. His frail body gives way under your weight and you finish him with your blade in his back. Puncturing through his lungs as you would an animal. That is all these things are. Invasive animals. A scourge needing to be held at bay. 

A hand meets your shoulder and you hardly move as they try to pull you away from the body still trapped beneath you. When you turn the force of it throws them aside. Another tawtute. Another vrrtep. You hiss, or perhaps you scream. It may be both as your knife tears through their soft body. Once. Twice. Again and again until your hand is wet with their blood. Their eyes are empty of anything as you scream. How dare they touch you. Touch your son. Your planet. You shriek and it shatters through the air like a crash of thunder. Everything has gone still. The air crackles with the sound of fire, embers still falling through the darkness as the ship groans lowly. Metal. Dead earth. Everything around you is dead. And yet it is not enough. Your eyes drag through the darkness, looking for any sign of life. There’s no direction to your footsteps as you stagger through the water and blood splatters underfoot but you find your spear, still stuck in the collapsed human. You set your weight on his stomach and his blood rushes between your toes as you wrench the weapon from his prone body. It tears free with a crack, the blue crystal blade hanging loose and useless where the shaft has snapped in the middle. It hits the ground with a dull ring as you let it slip from your fingers. Knife still in hand you stagger through the darkness in search of… something. Your mind has gone blank. As clouded as the smoke swirling around you. You follow the sound of voices. Eyes fixed ahead. Half of the ship has been lost to the water and it feels like the gentlest kiss as you wade towards the figures still wavering in your eyes. Your mind begins to steady as your senses return. 

You can smell blood and the ocean. Feel the waves against your skin. Hear the words being spoken. 

“–don’t hurt her!” Your eyes find the figure of a small human. Blue streaks across his pale skin, most of it exposed save for the tewng he is wearing. There are beads in his loc’d hair. A strange mix of human and Na’vi as the pack on his back hisses minutely as he speaks. The beads of his armband shift as you grab him with enough force that he spins to face you. 

“Vrrteptsyìp!” You snarl at him. His brown eyes widen as he stares up at you. Your fingers tighten around your knife as you raise it to strike only to stop as he keeps his eyes on you. Fear. It’s as clear as Naranawm shining overhead. He’s afraid. And you can see it in his eyes. You can See it. 

“What trick is this?” You hiss, the point of your blade biting into his neck. A trail of blood blooms and falls, streaking through the blue stripes that mark his body like war paint. 

“Sa’nok, don’t kill him! Please, don’t kill him.” Kiri begs. The uniltìrantokx holding her beneath his knife says something. His eyes fixed on you. They’re empty. But his tone sounds shaken. As if he is forcing himself to stay calm and flippant as he has been. But his eyes don’t move from you or the tawtute still in your grasp. With a curious tilt of your head you drag your knife away from his neck, not lifting from his skin as you poise it at his chest. The uniltìrantokx shifts in a way he probably does recognize. This body is not his own. It was stolen. But you know. A tsakarem Sees all. His tail moves, curling nervously behind him as his jaw flickers. There’s a threat in his bared teeth. And it’s one you recognize. Because it’s mirrored in your own face as you watch his knife draw blood from your daughter’s skin. Whoever this little human is, he’s important to the uniltìrantokx. You hiss again and feel the breathing system on the boy’s back stutter as he heaves an uneven breath. Your blade slashes across his chest with the gentlest pressure, just enough to break his skin. 

“I cut.” You string together those two words in accented English. Kiri has asked you not to kill him, and you won’t. He is probably the Spider she’s spoken so fondly of. For your daughter, his life will not end by your hand. But this demon doesn’t know that. You raise your knife over your head with a shriek, staring into the child’s terrified gaze as you wonder how a piece of Pandora has found its way inside a human. The threat is enough and the uniltìrantokx drops his blade, tossing Kiri towards Jake. You’re gentler with the human as you release your bruising grip. Kiri stumbles to her feet as Jake leads her and Kiri towards where you stand. You’re still a bit hazy, still unsteady as grief floods your chest, and your feet don’t move even in the face of victory. The uniltìrantokx says something that you don’t understand but the word “death” is met with a snarl as you bare your fangs at him. 

A hand finds your arm. Small and gentle as they pull you towards the water. 

“Sa’nu, come on. Please. Sa’nu!” Tuk says quietly, clinging to your side.

“Sa’nok!” Kiri pleads as you finally realize the battle is over. Your children are free. The humans are dead. You can leave this place. Jake says your name evenly, still crouched in front of you. He hasn’t accepted this victory either. 

“Get them out of here.” It’s an order. Spoken with the voice of a legendary warrior. Your feet begin to move. The water sings to life with pale blue syuratan as you all slip off the sunken edge of the demon ship. The last demon is still talking, knife poised for a fight. And Jake hasn’t moved. Kiri warily calls for him, but her words go unheeded as Jake lunges at the uniltìrantokx.

“Jake!” You cry out for your mate but your attention is called away by the sound of something bursting. Fire fills the water, arcing towards the ship in lashing tongues of orange light. 

“Get back to the ship. Swim. Now.” The ship is finally succumbing to the ocean, spewing out dark liquid as the fires aboard eat through the last of its integrity. Water rushes up with you as you and the children clamber back onto the ship. Tuk clings to your hand as her small legs buckle in the push of the waves. She screams as she loses her footing and falls deeper into the ship as a waterfall forms at the edge of an opening. There isn’t a thought in your mind as you dive in after her. No thoughts as you push her ahead of yourself. She shouts at you to open things, heavy swinging pieces of the wall that come open as you pull. Until they don’t. You tug at another place where a shape is cut into the wall, a handle jutting out for you to pull. But the ocean presses in as you pull out and the wall seals itself before you can push Tuk through the small opening. 

“There’s no way out!” She screams, round eyes searching frantically for any place to go, but the light is beginning to wane. Winking in and out until it begins to dim like a dying fire. 

“Sa’nu, I’m scared.” She whimpers. 

“It is alright. Stay close to me.” You pull her closer, fingers weaving through her braids as she buries her face in your neck. The water rises around you as the darkness closes in. You pray for the Great Mother’s mercy. To save you and your daughter. And then only your daughter. Just Tuk, you beg within your heart. Please, save ma Tuktirey. For a moment there is nothing. No shift within your heart as there usually is when the Great Mother breathes her will into you. There’s nothing but darkness until a dot of yellow light appears. And then another and another, like stars as seeds of the Ranteng Utralti fill the water with warm light. A dark figure swims among them, rising to meet you as you hold out your hand. 

“Kiri!” Tuk leans into her touch as her free hand finds her cheek. 

“Everything is going to be alright, tsmuke. Follow me.” The yellow light guides the way through the flooded ship as you follow behind your daughters. The open ocean is a blessed sight as you follow the starlight to the surface. It isn’t the longest breath you’ve taken but the anxiety twisting in your chest nearly punches the air from your lungs and you take in gasping breaths as you swim towards the shape of a tulkun floating nearby. Payakan. Jake and Lo’ak cling to one of his fins, beckoning the three of you closer. 

“Come. Come here.” Lo’ak pants, holding his hand out towards Kiri. Their five fingered hands intertwine as Kiri pulls Tuk closer to her. Lo’ak is alive. He is alive and safe and breathing. Tears burn anew in your eyes. Neteyam is dead. Your son is dead. It emptied your head of all other thoughts, empties your heart of all other feelings. You go still in the water, barely kicking your feet as the thought washes over you. Perhaps you begin to sink but Jake pulls you towards him before your head dips back into the water. His arm wraps tight around you until even the water can’t reach the space between you.

“Thank you, Great Mother.” You whisper it again and again until you aren’t sure if you’re saying it aloud or in your heart. Thank you. 

ɴᴀ’ᴠɪ ᴛʀᴀɴsʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴs

Nawmtu – great person (honorific)

Spono alusìng – floating island (speculative)

Hì’ikran – dorado verde, small ikran (speculative)

Kawngtu – bad person, “bad guy”

Naranawm – Polyphemus, the planet Pandora orbits

Syuratan – bioluminescence

Taronway – hunt songs

Muntxatu – mate

Txopu rä'ä si, vrrteptsyìp. – don’t be afraid, little demon

Teylu – a grub, similar to a jumbo shrimp

Tswin – neural braid

Vrrtep – demon

Tewng – loincloth

Tawtute, Sawtute – sky person, sky people

Ranteng Utralti – Spirit Tree

’Itan – son

[strangelysamantha]

hey, i have a jj maybank request! fem!reader, possible angst!

so basically, y/n is a pogue and gets along with the other pogues (john b, pope, sarah, kiara & cleo) except for jj. y/n is always bright, a total sweetheart and bubbly and jj…hates it.

john b recently opens up a surf board shop on that stranded island that they’re on?? and he leaves y/n and jj alone to polish some boards hoping that they’d get along. jj complains about every little thing y/n does and starts calling her names. she gets really upset and storms out the shop to clear her head. she goes by the water for a swim but a dangerous tide picks her up and jj notices and saves her?? hopefully this makes sense!

the deep end ☆

jj maybank x fem!reader.

warnings: mentions of drowning, jj being an asshole, swearing.

words: 1,674.

summary: jj somehow finds everything you do annoying to the point he criticizes everything you do. john b thinks of a plan that will ensure his two friends will befriend each other. it was working at first, until it wasn’t.

request? yes!

a/n: y’all have such good ideas what the?! thank you for the request! if you enjoyed please like and comment. this is angst with fluff at the end. <3 BTW i am from missouri and have never surfed so i hope i got the polishing of the surfboards correct. :)

my masterlist

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john b always had a plan, well usually he did. if two of his friends were fighting, he would always find a way to get them to get along. he knew that stranding kiara and sarah on a boat together in the middle of nowhere would force them to fix their friendship. so, with that knowledge, he knew that he could do the same thing with jj and you.

you were always nice to jj, he just seemed to get annoyed with you all the time. you didn’t know what you had done, if you had even done something. he just always felt the need to critique you. it became harder and harder everyday to ignore him.

since washing up on the abandoned island, john b was ecstatic for his brand new start. unsurprisingly to anyone, his first idea for creating a new civilization would be a surf shack. he started building it right away. you would occasionally help, but he was determined to do it on his own so he would always send you away.

“okay! john b what would you like my help with? i can do anything you need. just let me know.” you smile brightly at john b, while he stared at you. “listen, i love you. but, i don’t need your help at the moment. you should talk to everyone else.” you frown at his words, “fine. but you better get me the minute you need assistance.” he nodded. “will do.” and with that, you left joining the others.

jj was talking to cleo before silencing upon your arrival. “hey everyone!” you smile at the group in front of you. “hey! how’s john b?” kiara asked. “i think he is good, he’s actually pretty much done.” you play with the bracelet on your wrist. kiara nods, “that’s great.” pope smiles, “statistically speaking, we can’t ensure that his shack will be entirely safe as he built it all on his own.” you stare at pope. “true… we’ll let’s hope it doesn’t collapse on him.” pope smiled at you, glad you listened to his random fact.

jj groaned. “awe, how sweet pope!! you found a girl who wasn’t disgusted by your weird and useless knowledge.” you gasp in shock, “jj! shut up you are so rude.” jj laughs, “it’s just a joke, why do you always have to be so offended?” you glare at jj. “jj it’s not funny, you’re just a dick.” pope sighs. “it’s okay, don’t worry.” you frown in popes direction. you quietly pull away from the group. you walk to an area of sand, plopping yourself down. that’s when john b approached you.

“hey, remember when i told you i would come get you when i needed help?” john b smiled at you. “yes! do you need my help?” you tilt your head to the side, waiting. he nods. “i need you to wax up some of the boards i made.” you nod. “okay! sure.” he walked you to his shack, helping you set up. you began waxing the board, paying attention to the direction and the amount of wax you were applying. john b waits a minute watching you, before he decides to leave.

after a minute, you see jj approaching the shack with john b who held a smug smile on his lips. you shake your head, confused. “friends.” he looked between you and jj. jj held an unamused look on his face. “as my close friends, you will wax these boards for me. you can’t stop until you guys fix whatever feud is going on between the two of you.” john b stands his ground. jj scoffs, “we don’t have a feud.” you nod your head in agreement. “jj is right, his hatred is definitely one sided... it is not a feud.” you laugh softly seeing jj send a glare your way. “yeah okay. whatever guys. just fix it, and if you even try and leave, i’ll send cleo after both of you.” your eyebrows lift in shock. you mutter a quick okay, returning your attention to the board.

jj stares at you, watching you apply the wax. he couldn’t help but get upset. everything you did just made him annoyed. he grabbed the wax, working on the board right by yours. silence falls over the two of you. it’s not awkward or weird, it actually feels quite normal. until jj interrupted it so he could judge you.

“youre doing it wrong. i mean come on.” you stare at jj, “jj please just focus on your own board.” you shake your head, continuing to polish the surfboard. he glares at you. “whatever. just keep doing what you are doing, and then john b or i will fix it after you.” his attention turned back to his board. you rolled your eyes. “i will, thank you.” he breathes in, inhaling the waxy scent. “you are so annoying you know that?” you ignore jj’s words, focusing on the board. he continues, “i mean everything you do. everything you say, it pisses me off.” you nod slightly. “you done?”

“no, actually i’m not.” you bite your lip, fixating on the wax that is spreading along the smooth surface. jj stops waxing the surfboard. you look up to see he is already staring at you. “you know, you act like you are better than us, i mean why do you hang out with us anyway?” jj waits but continues when he realizes you won’t reply. “you are fake, you are so upbeat and bubbly that it’s annoying. you are a double sided two faced bitch who says anything to get in good graces.” you inhale, looking up at him.

“listen jj. we are stranded on this fucking island. TOGETHER. so either drop it and move on, or just shut the fuck up and stay away from me.” you place your hands on your hips, breathing slightly staggered from anger. “everyone speaks so highly of you saying how great you are; but the only jj i’ve met is a total douche. if you hate me so much then just stay the fuck away from me. if you continue you’ll just be wasting your breath and energy anyway.” jj holds back a laugh at your sudden outburst.

“you really think if i had the choice, i would want to be here? especially with you?” jj asked, you already knowing the answer. you stay silent. “exactly. no one can deal with you for that long anyway.” you roll your eyes.

“whatever jj. you win.” you toss the wax to the side, frowning. you don’t turn back to him, you just ignore him. you start to walk towards the beaches seashore. it was getting slightly hot, so you decided to take a dip into the water.

you were salvaging the few moments of freedom you had, before you got john b’s and cleo’s wrath from leaving the scene before mending the friendship with jj. it was practically impossible. what did jj have against you? you tip toed into the water, getting deeper and deeper. you floated at the top of the water; the coolness feeling great on top of your hot skin.

jj truly had the biggest nerve, your mind was overwhelmingly clogged. you felt seaweed scratch against the bottom of your foot, this caused you to jump, your adrenaline levels rising since you thought it was a fish. you try to remain afloat, but the high tide caused the waves to crash right over you repeatedly, being faster and higher than ever. you went above water trying to shout for help, but your mouth was filled, causing no sound to come out. you thrash against the water, kicking to stay afloat. your throat was burning, your legs tired from kicking, and your lungs filled with liquid.

a pair of hands wrap around your stomach, dragging you out the water. you were placed on the warm sand. “shit.” jj stared at you. your head felt light. jj’s hand began pumping your chest, curses falling from his mouth. “come on, just breathe. please.” you cough, the salt water exiting your lungs, and dropping onto your neck. you gasp for air, opening your eyes to be met with jj’s face. you breathe heavily for a minute.

“jj… thank you.” you sit up, pulling him into a tight hug. your hands wrap around his neck, one of them grabbing his hair. his arms held tightly around your waist. his chest was heaving heavily, shaking slightly. “i hate to be so cliché j, but you genuinely saved my life.” he frowns at you. “i almost lost you.”

jj’s confession confused you. “what?” you say softly, your hand combed through his hair. “look. the reason i’m so mean to you, is because i knew that if i was nice to you, my already intense feelings for you would only amplify.” you frown at him. “you’ve had a crush on me this whole time?” jj nodded. you went to talk, but your friends interrupted the moment.

john b rushed to your side, kiara and pope swiftly behind him. “what happened!! we were watching from over there.” john b pointed in a direction farther away. “one minute you were swimming… the next you we’re gone!?” you wipe your neck, trying to dry it off. “jj saved my life. i almost drowned.” you frown, the group in front of you nodded. “im so glad you are okay.” kiara bent down pulling you into a hug. “i’m glad you are safe now too.” pope joined in on the hug; as well as everyone else.

sarah, kiara, and cleo bend down, reaching for your hands. they help you up, dragging you to your feet. they walk you away from the crowd, bombarding you with questions. “so when you were drowning what did it feel like??” you turn around watching jj, you smile slightly before turning to them. “oh get ready for the amount of details i’m going to give you guys.”

possibly a part two…??? not sure yet :) <3 also!! i’m proofreading this tomorrow since i’m not entirely sure if it has errors or not! ily!!

[caspianjames]

ok bestie willex with 👑🐚

IM SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG but here you go!!!!

****

Alex had never liked the ocean. Even when he was living, it always scared him. His family had taken lots of camping trips when he was young, and lakes he loved. He could swim all day in them, lost in the fresh water and sand. His parents used to joke that he was part fish. Luke always said he was part mermaid (his parents would never say that, though. Much too feminine for their son. Luke had no such qualms, and loved to explain to Alex’s dad, with a startling amount of patience for a ten year old, that mermaids were actually badass gods of war - it wasn’t their fault they were pink), and Reggie would tell Alex he was part salmon, because Reggie was weird like that.

But when it came to the ocean, Alex wasn’t part anything. He liked his feet firmly on the sand as far away from the edge of the water as possible.

He was pretty sure it was because he had always liked consistency. Things needed to be stable, to stay the same. But the ocean wasn’t stable, not at all. It was hidden undertows, roaring waves, huge tides. It was natural disasters and sharks and drowning. So Alex stayed on the sand.

Which was all fine, except that Willie loved the ocean. It was possibly the only thing they loved as much as skating. Which was how Alex found himself standing at the edge of the water one day, hand in Willie’s, shaking like a leaf.

“You can’t even feel the water, hotdog,” Willie said, his tone light. It didn’t help Alex feel any better, though.

“If something goes wrong it’ll kill me,” Alex said instead. “It happens all the time.”

“Riiiiight,” Willie said, drawing out the i in that lazy way he did that Alex would never admit he loved so much. “Except you’re already dead.”

Alex sputtered. “It’ll kill me again, then!”

“C’mon,” Willie wheedled, “if you really don’t want to we can go do something else - you can show me how to play your drums! But I really think you’ll like this.”

The problem, Alex thought, was that he really DID want to try this.

The first time he’d gotten caught in the rain when he was a ghost, he’d noticed it didn’t touch him. The world got wet, but Alex stayed dry. Willie taught him how to feel the rain when he wanted to. Willie reminded him how it felt to jump in puddles like he was five years old again, to lie on the wet grass and stare up as the rain fell from the sky.

“I want to,” Alex said, finally. He gripped Willie’s hand tighter. “It can’t hurt me, you’re right.”

Slowly, with Willie by his side, he took a step in.

It was a peculiar feeling - different from passing through walls or doors or even people. He could feel the water - the texture hitting his feet in time with the waves lapping. But also, he couldn’t feel the water - it didn’t get him wet, nothing really actually touched him. Like the water was there, but not.

Like Alex was there, but not.

Willie pulled him deeper, rambling about their day skating through LA. It was an effort to keep him calm, Alex knew. The sound of Willie’s voice was his tether, sometimes, to reality. Just like Luke or Reggie, or even Julie and Flynn now, but it was different with Willie.

It didn’t stop Alex from nearly having a panic attack when they hit chin depth in the water.

“You don’t need to breathe,” Willie said in a gently mocking tone. “Even if you do breathe, you’re not actually breathing anything.”

Arms wound tightly around Willie, they stepped underneath the water. Alex held his breath out of habit, and after a couple minutes he realized his lungs weren’t burning and he wasn’t panicking or drowning.

He didn’t need to breathe. Right.

It was a surreal experience. They didn’t need to swim - they walked along the floor of the ocean, along the rocks and weeds that Alex couldn’t really feel. Alex felt himself relax, the waves lapping against his body in time with his heartbeat; Willie’s hand steady in his.

“Told you,” Willie said. It would sound gloating if it were anyone else, but Willie never gloated.

“This is amazing,” Alex breathed back. He chose not to think about how Willie could hear his voice even though they were underwater. If there was anything he had learned recently, it was that the ghost world did not have nearly the same laws of physics.

Willie tugged him farther, and they walked in silence for a while. Really, Alex understood why people explored the oceans. There were fish - so many fish. Every time they went a little bit deeper, different kinds of fish appeared. He startled when they went by a shark, but Willie just laughed, reaching out to stroke it. The shark nuzzled them.

“Can it see us?” Alex asked incredulously.

“I’ve never figured it out,” Willie responded. “But sharks love ghosts for some reason.”

“Bring all your ghost friends down to the bottom of the ocean, do you?” Alex asked. He meant to tease, but the words came out more jealous than he meant them to.

Willie just smiled back softly. “Nah,” they said. “Just you.”

Alex told his heart to stop fluttering. It didn’t work.

Willie shook his hand off suddenly and bent down, standing back up with a huge shell.

“I feel like you shouldn’t be able to pick things up on the bottom of the ocean while also staying dry,” Alex said. If anxiety could still make his palms sweat, they’d be sweating.

Willie just shrugged and gave Alex half a smile. “Ghost physics,” they said. They reached up and placed the shell delicately on Alex’s head.

“I crown you King of the Ocean, Alex Mercer,” Willie said solemnly.

It was cute - for the whole second it lasted until some sort of crab popped it’s legs out and scuttled off Alex’s head, shell and all. Alex screamed like a baby - the only thing scarier than spiders were GIANT spiders, and it didn’t matter if they were technically called crabs. They were still giant, terrifying spiders.

His screeches turned to laughter, though, when he realized Willie was doubled up in the fetal position on the ocean floor, laughing hysterically and trying to apologize between breaths.

Alex was pretty sure lifers could hear them laugh as far as the shore, ghost physics be damned.

Maybe they’d think it was mermaids.

[sh3wolfgam3r]

Phantom Night

Chapter 4: Luna Rose

The Salty sea was the only scent Luna could remember of her mother. She was born by the sea to a siren. Her father, Ken was a fisherman, and when her mother washed on shore injured from her own pod, he took her in, and healed her. Deililah had the most alluring singing voice but she never used it against men, feeling that was wrong. That was the reason she was banished from her pod in the first place. So after 3 years of being married, Deililah gave birth to her baby girl. She was named after the moon, because Deliliahs kind worshiped the moon, and when her baby was born she looked as bright and beautiful as the moon in her eyes.

Lune grew up with her mother for the first 9 years of her life, then while luna was learining to use her powers, Deliliahs pod had found out she had a half breed child, with the sirens ability. They sent a small group of men to kill luna and her father. But they had chosen the day of Luna’s feild trip so while Deliliah and Ken were at home, they were attacked and as they fought, Ken had lost his life and to Deliliahs horror, and as she screamed his name, one of the men stabbed her through her heart. When Deliliah hit the floor, the men had searched the house and assumed that the Half breed didnt live due to not eating flesh for her first month of life.

Hours later when Luna bounded in her house she looked and saw the bloody mess of her parents together on the floor. All Luna could do was scream and fall to her knees crying her heart out.

Luna ran to the beach by her house and hid in her secret cave near the shore, that would fill up during high tide.

She sat their for hours until she relized the water was getting high by the second…

Luna’s POV

I was deep in my secret cave, and my mommy usually would come get me before the high tide, but now im stuck in here as the water slowly began to rise. I accepted my fate that i was about to die and closed my eyes. hope I would join my parents when this was all over. I took my final breath and exepected to start to drown, but as i opened my eyes, didnt burn like they would would, and i was able to breathe. My body began to glow as I grew a tail, fins and gills. My gills allowed me to breathe in the water. I sighed in relief. So i guess my moms genes took control over my DNA, and allowed me to become a siren I swam around for a while until i became hungry. I didnt exactly know what to eat, so I looked around my new environment to see seaweed, sand, corals and of course fish. I guess trying to catch a fish isnt the worst option. I began to swim at some small but reasonably big fish, and didnt expect them to be that fast. I tried to catch them for hours and eventually gave up. The sun started to set and i was hungry and exaugsted. I sat on a near by rock by the harbor. I saw a small boat with a couple of drunk teenagers start to row out of the harbor undetected. They were loud and they started laughing about the studpidest things. I felt this pull in my chest st start singing and lure them to me.

“~Upon one summer’s morning, i carefully did stray.

Down by the walls of wapping, where i met a sailor gay~”

They suddenly got quiet as they heard my singing. I felt my teeth sharpen as they started to row their boat twords me.

“~conversing with a young lass, who seemed to be in pain.

Saying, william if you go i’ll fear you’ll ne’er return again~”

They spotted me and started to row faster.

“~ my heart is peirced by cupid, i distain all glittering gold.

Theres nothing can console me but my jolly sailor bold~”

They soon bumped their boat into my rock. They looked at me in a trance. I felt my eyes turn to slits and myjaw opened as i bit each of the boys neck and killed them before taking their boat elsewhere to eat them privately.

Many Years later….3rd POV

Luna has traveled all around the world, and decided to stay as a small harbor off the coast of Florida.

[pinpuku]

Team Request from @squeetastic-otter

Hi! I’d love to get a team request from you, thanks for your time regardless! My sign is Aquarius, I am an INFJ, favorite animals are puffer and triggerfish, my favorite color is turqoise blue, fav type is water and poison, my hobbies are aquarium keeping, fishing, and bug catching, I aspire to become a great ichthyologist, and I hope to live someplace near the sea that has lots of tide pools to search! As far as triats, my negatives are I am very stubborn, guarded, and antisocial. Im not a fan of trying to say whats great about me, I just hope I make the world a better place when I leave than it was when I came in. Hope that works!

This one was pretty straight forward! I hope it’’s not too obvious, but I think I have a fitting team~ 

♡ Cloyster is a very self protective, guarded Pokemon. It has some of the best defensive capabilities out of all Pokemon! It’s prone to be more quiet & reserved socially, but it’s not exactly ill mannered, either. It can be somewhat intimidating, but Cloyster mainly just minds its own business. 

♡ Bruxish is a very weird Pokemon! It has intense coloration. It can be a little polarizing in popularity. Its psychic ability is strong & can emit intense psychic waves to ward off & discombobulate anything around it in the wild. Although Shelder is one of if its main prey in the wild, Cloyster has much too high a defense for Bruxish to break, so there won’t be any need to worry. 

♡ Surskit is a bug/water type Pokemon. It’s pretty easy to handle. It likes to be near water, and its sweet nectar-like fluid makes it less attractive to Flying type Pokemon. This also can be made into pretty tasty syrup! It will get along particularly with Shellos. 

♡ Qwilfish was a given! It’s the only pufferfish Pokemon out there. It’s not a great swimmer, so be sure to never let it swim in rough seas when you’re out exploring the tide pools! Despite being a poison type, it’s not particularly dangerous unless it is in self defense-mode.

♡ Shellos! Its natural habitat is tide pools. It will be more than willing to explore rocky ocean coasts with you. It also won’t mind spending some time in its natural habitat. Plus, its coloration is quite nice. Shellos has a much more social & sunny personality compared to the rest of your team. It will be the moodmaker for sure! It can do goofy things with its body, and can prove to be a very entertaining Pokemon. Just make sure not to press too hard against its skin. The poisonous purple liquid it oozes under stress is not pleasant, even though it’s not a traditional poison type. This Pokemon likes to be outside during rain & storms. 

♡ Skrelp! It’s a somewhat antisocial Pokemon when not around others of its kind. But it will be pretty easy to raise. It’s slow & pretty stationary of a Pokemon. Just make sure to wash your hands after handling! Its natural poisons are probably the most caustic in your team. It will be good buddies with Qwilfish, though. They will enjoy to spend quiet time together in calm waters.

Hope you like your team! I feel you’d be a water type specialist! 

[ba3kkie]

The Final Crescendo [Epilogue]

“Baekhyun-ah” You whispered as the tears rolled down your pale cheek.

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you managed to say “ I love you”.

Part 1 || Part2 || Part 3 || Final

Pairing:  Baekhyun x reader.

:. I don’t own any of the characters nor companies mentioned and it is purely fictional and should not be taken seriously. I only own the plot.

8:30 p.m

“ Let’s run away together.”

Your eyes widened in shock, that was all it took to break you, your facade crumbled into a million pieces, tears painfully hanging onto your lashes, trying their best to hold on. You hung your head low, avoiding eye contact at all cost, you knew how you turned to putty under his gaze.

“(Y/n)… Look at me baby” He cup the side of your cheek with his gentle palm, you unknowingly leaned into his touch, your hormones betraying you, oh how you have missed his touch.

“Come with me, let’s finally get our happy ending”

As he rubbed his thumb across your cheek, the look on his face made your heart ache, he looked so defeated, what happened to the strong baekhyun who was unfazed by anything? Had so much changed the past few months? Was it your fault?

“We can’t Baek.” You voice faltering.

“Baby please”

“Please (y/n), don’t you want this too?”

His voice getting softer with every plea.

“I love you, please.”

“You can’t throw away everything you worked so hard for !” you cried, banging his chest with your curled fist.

“You are my everything” He said as he let you pound his chest.

You screamed, the tears now dripping from your chin.

“ YOU CAN’T DO THIS! IT’S NOT FAIR!” you shouted at him, turning your heel and started walking to the stairs.

“ He told me why you left.” You were surprised and stopped dead in your tracks.You had to end this now, before you’d never walk away,

You let out a hollow laugh,

“You’re naive to think that he cares! ”

“He told me how to contact you.” You were beyond baffled, how could your father tell him anything. Remembering how the last encounter with the old man went.

“Bullshit, he hated us being together!” You felt the pool of anger form within, you turned your heel, facing away from him.

“I talked to him (y/n), I told him I wanted to be with you.”  He wrapped his arms around your shoulders, pulling your back into his chest.

“Are you an idiot? You just debuted and you’re already a star ! Many take years to establish themselves, but you managed to do it overnight, why would you throw it all away?” You let out a choke as the words came tumbling out, the dried tears staining your cheeks.

“Im dying” he whispered as let his head fall on your shoulder.

You turned and looked at him begging it to be a joke, and for once you hated how you could read him like the open book he was to you. His dark orbs stared intenstly at you, this was all too real, you tried to formulate words, you had so many questions for him yet, they had vanish at the tip of your tongue.

“Brain cancer (y/n), I have brain cancer.” he bit back his tears, trying to be strong for the both of you. “Your father found out and told me how to contact you.”

A tear brimming once again on your already swollen eyes, you managed to choke a ‘Don’t lie’ before staring back at him.

“8 months, that’s what the doctor told me and you know what? The first thought that ran through my mind was ‘I want to spend it all with you’ (y/n), I know I’m being selfish, asking you to love a man who will soon be gone, but I’m allowed to be selfish sometimes right ?” His lips quivered as the last part escaped his lips “I love you (y/n), let me try to love you more in these 6 months than anyone could in a lifetime.” He pressed his chapped lips against yours, as your lips moved in unison with his, you felt the salty liquid reach your lips, but whose tears was it ? You couldn’t tell anymore as the pain in your chest grew with each passing moment.

                                                        xxx

The ride to your house was silent, neither of you wanted to face the hard reality. It felt like you had been thrown into the deep end after just learning to swim, you didn’t know how to react, and imagining yourself in his shoes made you feel like you were drowning, just a matter of time before it all ends.

“Baek,” you gestured for him to take a seat on your bed, “I have something to tell you”, you made your way to your bedside table, fishing out an envelope and handing it to him. “This is yours.”

His eyes widen as he saw the black and white picture, “Why are you giving me a sonogram?” his voice was shaky, unsure, fearful almost of what you were to tell him next. You took his hands in yours and placed it under your sweater, you felt the pads of his fingertips graze over the bump of your belly, goosebumps forming on your arms at the sudden contact. “Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice now laced with hurt and betrayal, yet his hands never moved away from your bump.

“Meet our sweet pea, Baek”

4 months ago

‘Baekhyun had sudden disappeared’ according to the media, but here he was, arms wrapped around my waist as the morning rays shone upon his face. S.M had released statements saying that Baekhyun needed to take some time off to rest, they couldn’t announce the truth, it would be far too damaging for the company and even the people within would be emotionally affected.

“Baek, why don’t you go rest? I’ll call you out when dinner is ready.” You placed a kiss on his cheek before returning to the boiling pots on the stove. His health was rapidly deteriorating, the headaches getting stronger and also lasting longer, becoming more forgetful and the waves of fatigue were becoming more apparent, and all you could do was stand by helplessly as he suffered alone.

It hurt to know Baekhyun’s days were numbered, he too found it hard to be himself during these times, it’s hard to act happy when your body is literally destroying itself and you could not blame him, instead you allowed yourself to be his pillar, a place for him to seek comfort and release built up emotions. There were nights that ended with both of you crying in one another’s embrace with hushed apologies, but there were also nights of endless pleasure, where he kissed butterfly kisses against your skin while whispering sweet nothings.

He would sing you to sleep on those nights where you had trouble sleeping,

Cause you

You could be my only star

You could be the moonlight

You’re all I need in my world forever

I run to you, through the darkness

I’ll hold you close to me through this crazy race

Let’s make it forever

Don’t disappear, this is the end for me

We’ll never find a love like this again

Don’t break my soul

Your gaze,words and everything forever

His voice as beautiful as it is and will ever be, could not hide the sadness behind the words, every word hitting a chord, sometimes you found this song too real, as if it were meant specifically for both of you and the tragic love story you will become.  

It was a far cry from easy, this path you chose to walk on. As you stared at his now sunken features in the moonlight, you realise the entirety of everything,

First, you realise how much he means to you

Second, you realise your child will never remember it’s father

Third, you realised how stupid you were to push him away, how much time you had wasted with your immature behaviour

Fourth, You realise the excruciating pain Baekhyun must be going through physically and mentally  

Last but not least, you realise you love him so much, you wish it were you facing the wrath of the terminal illness in his stead.  

Like a broken record playing, you prayed it were you and not him suffering.

Baekhyun was alone, no one could possibly know how he felt, he was full of imperfections, but so was every unpolished diamond, yet in times of darkness he shined the brightest, he was your only star.

3 months ago

A week before your due date, you both had decided it would be best to both be admitted at the nearby hospital. You were worried for him if you were not around, how if he suddenly lost consciousness, on the other hand, he was worried he would be too weak to help you in an emergency. You had requested for Baekhyun to be able to share the room with you, given your circumstances, no one had the heart to deny you your request.

It was not even a week after you had been admitted, and there you were screaming in pain as the waves of contractions hit you like the crashing tides, baekhyun was in a wheelchair by your side, never letting go of your hand.

“(y/n), deep breaths, I love you.” His voice now very weak but just audible, and after what seemed like hours of labour, your baby girl was born, she was so tiny.

The nurse had placed her in Baekhyun’s arms and you swore you saw the world in his eyes, he placed a small kiss on her forehead before stroking her face with his thumb, you felt your heart swell at the sight of the man you love and the child you shared.

“Baek hee-ah, I’m your appa.” She gripped his finger tightly, before letting out a cute smile.

“I can’t believe you named her that” You sighed, but your lips tugging at the corner said otherwise.

“Shh, Baek hee-ah you like your name right? Your eomma doesn’t appreciate good taste.” He gave her a big smile, the second last you’d see.

Present

You rushed to the hospital with your father and child, you had mended your relationship with your father, he was the only person you could lean on in this time of sadness.

You received a call from the doctor in charge, saying how Baekhyun’s condition took a dive, he advised to come and be prepared for the worst.

You ran to his room, being second nature to you after visiting him everyday for the last 3 months, with your father fast on your tail with baby in hands.

As you reached the room, you took a deep breath before sliding the door and entering, with every step forward you took, you felt your vision cloud, you knelt beside his bed, taking his pale hands between yours. He turned slowly to face you, his body so frail and weak, your father placed Baekhee between you and Baekhyun, there it was, his final smile. He wore that smile like an apology, a sorry stretched across his teeth, “Take care my loves, till we meet again.” as he took his final breath.

“Baekhyun-ah” You whispered as the tears rolled down your pale cheek.

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you managed to say “ I love you”.

Before you saw the light in his eyes fade, his smile now gone forever, his skin as cold as ice in your grasp as you choke back the tears you didn’t know were holding.

Cause you

You could be my only star

You could be the moonlight

You’re all I need in my world forever

I run to you, through the darkness

I’ll hold you close to me through this crazy race

Let’s make it forever

Don’t disappear, this is the end for me

We’ll never find a love like this again

Don’t break my soul

Your gaze,words and everything forever

His voice playing from the small cd player he had left in the bedside table, along with a ring and a small note which read :

‘Marry me in our next life my love, and maybe then it’ll be forever.’

As you sat there alone, you let the tears flow as you felt the wind caressing your cheek, drying your tears , as if he wanted you to know he was there, watching over you both.  

The days that have passed, had already turned into years, yet you had always remembered him with these silent tears you shed,

Your love, Baekhyun.

A/n: This marks the end of The Final Crescendo, it’s my first finished piece. I hope you all have enjoyed it, thank you for being with me through this journey of mine, I have written other fics so please do check them out. It is a great honour to have been given the support my readers have given me. I am thinking about writing an alternate ending, but only if you want it too, so please tell me, send me a message or

https://ask.fm/Ba3kkie [If you’d like to stay anonymous]

Thank you !

Love, Manda

[gsmatthews95]

"Is it wrap o'clock yet?"

Helloooo I am back and breaking my 4 day silence. Im on the bus down to noosa at the moment and I thought this is a good time to catch up with y'all on my comings and goings of the last few days. Also side note, I think I actually got frostbite last night. In a bed. In a hostel. Urgh. I was even wearing my sleeping bag onsie, it was bloody freezing. I just feel sorry for those poor unprepared souls who dont have a sleeping bag onesie. Ha I bet you thought oz would be warm didnt you? But no. Its pretty much arctic here at the moment. Lol. So where have I been these last few days? Oo good question Karen. I have been ticking oz travelling boxes by visiting Fraser island. Yaaaaay. Fraser island is a classic oz east coast stop, somewhere everyone goes for normally three days (dats what I did) on an organised tour, ew organised tour. But no. It was awesome one of the best tours I've done after the San vlas islands and the Lombok to Flores boat trip off the top of my head. Mainly because it was so chilled and fun, the guide was easy, the schedule was loose and we were driving oursrlves. So I think Fraser is the largest sand island in the world and has silica sand similar to Whitehaven beach, soft and white ooooo. Ergo George exfoliated and brushed his teeth again, yessss. But I jump the gun. So what happened was that we were in a group of 24 and one guide. We had three 4x4s with the guide driving the first and us driving the other two beasts. Yes I achieved my ambition of driving these bad boys. The island is famous because there are no roads. The highway is a 70 mile stretch of beach. Yes lots of beach and off road driving, well cool. #CarTwo4Lyf Ok the first day was an early kick off as we cruised to the island and over the ferry from rainbow beach. Then was our first experience of sand driving. Niamh (pronounced nieve. Irish, I know. Weird...) Was up as we skidded thru the deep and soft sand. This was actually the hardest driving as it was high tide and the wheels were going everywhere, a baptism of fire you may call it, well done niamh for getting us thru it all. I was up next as we went inland and off roaded. The moment I'd been waiting for. It was mint. We drove over craters, the car tipped over and the people in the back lost feeling in their bums... Not in a weird way... It was really bumpy I swear. The car smashed it though with its outrageous tires and suspension. It was all I imagined. AND MORE. This was when we came to lake Mackenzie. A rain water lake. Clear, clean and refreshing. With white sands. Idyllic. Kim kardashian actually just put up a photo there if you follow her, I reckon she was following us. We chilled there and swam a bit. Also got some nice snaps obvs. An enduring theme of this trip was Frisbee. Weird. I know. But very fun. So in car 2 (my car, the best car) we had 3, thats 3 out of 8 ultimate Frisbee players slash coaches. What are the chances? Consequentially, there was a lot of Frisbee chat and playing. Hugh and niamh are coaches and Ed plays at a national level (I'll leave it up to you to decide who's cooler me and my quidditch or Ed and his Frisbee). So every beach we got to the disk came out too culminating in a match when we got back to rainbow beach. A competitive yet relaxed affair. A very good game. Edged by team hugh, with yours truely playing centre back, a Sergio Ramos esque performance if I say so myself. It was well fun and is making me think I should have played at Leeds. I dont know if my friends would have stuck by me if I played that and quidditch though, it was hard enough to convince them to hang out with me when just played quidditch. Harry Buxton I'm looking at you. Also this is going to be a very long post, sorry. But a lot happened and I'm in the swing of writing now. The next stop on this adventure was lunch at a nice little creek with a board walk over it. Lunch. Let's discuss lunch. It quickly became the most exciting part of each day. It was the same meal each day but was heavenly anyway. Wraps. Lots of wraps with lots of fillings. It was so intrinsic to our days and necessary to our happiness that most conversations returned the wraps. "Is it wrap o'clock yet?", " I wonder if we're gonna get a new filling for the wraps today?", "im bloody excited about the wraps", "do you reckon dingo would taste good in a wrap?". Yep, wraps are life. I had nine in three days. We even had wrap battles, lol. Who had the best looking wrap?, the fullest wrap? Or even whether beatroot had a place in the wrap, were common lunchtime conversations. Basically we love wraps. The excitement culminated on our final day when Victor, part of our Swedish contingent, caught a fish with his bare hands (very alpha male i know) and proclaimed it was the newest filling for someone's wrap, yummy. Now it was off to camp for a little session. But only after we stopped at a ship wreck, which was quite cool. Nothing to write home about tho. Oh wait a second I suppose I'm writing home about it now. Hmm. Awkward. Well maybe is was worth It after all. We returned to camp, threw the disk, shock and drank goon, shock. We had a BBQ dinner and had some fun. A little trip to the beach for some stargazing and off to bed in my three man tent that i shared with my onesie, very cute. Day 2. An early kick off. Too early. I got up, got breaky and went back to sleep. I held up the group a wee bit, the previous nights antics had taken their toll, lesson learnt. Our first stop today was the champagne poolls. Basically some giant rock pools you can swim in with the waves crashing in. Not overly exciting but nice to see and swim in, obvs, nonetheless. I Just chatted to aido, our guide for a bit. Very funny man. A Bush baby. With a very different upbringing/life to me. Apparently he started a bush fire once, but did he do a fire dance around it while listening to dnb? I think not. Therefore I win. We cruised on Towards a big cliff With a wee little walk up it. We trooped up in true military fashion to get some nice views of the beach and sea. It was also a good sea creature viewing spot, we saw dolphins, a shark and lots of whales. Ok so the whales. There was a lot of them. So many so that the excitement of seeing them ebbed away towards the end. They'd all be chilling and swimming north along the beach. Usually quite far out tho. However, some gave us a show as the jumped out of the water and wagged their tales. One joker even did a workout for us as he repeatedly smashed his tale against the water, it was immense. Having never seen a whale I have now seen enough for a lifetime in 2 short weeks. It was all very impressive. More on day 2. I believe our next stop, after the wraps, was a trip to eli creek nicknamed the lazy river. A fresh water river leading to the sea, so clean you could drink it. It was a funny experience as our whole squad trooped Down the knee high river with only six tubes. There were scrambles for tubes as three would share one. I had a relatively regal experience compared to the rest as I sat on top of hugh, like a king. Then I was then shunted on to jabba's tube which we shared in very cute fashion. There was splashing, pushing and banter. It was all pretty jokes. I then went a second time with Rudy. Much more chilled as we floated down in true chiler fashion. We then played more frisbee and headed home for a sunset walk, with a twist.... What was this twist you ask? The twist was that we missed the sunset cause aido sent us off too late. Great. Luckily there was another group on the sand dunes with boogie boards. Ah, phew, we didnt waste our time after all. We were up and down the dunes standing, sitting and lying on the board. Lots of fun. Bloody tiring tho running up that hill so much and I had sand everywhere. I'm still covered now. A good activity tho, no thanks to aido. We headed back, I showered finally and we boozed. With another twist actually as we had neighbours in the next camp site. North camp. They were 26 strong. 23 girls and 3 guys, lol. 2 of the guys had girlfriends... Lol. So some of them came to join us as we had better banter and music, shock. The entertainment for the night was the excitement of a night at the horse racing. It got intense, especially when Winston pipped Adolf at the final hurdle. Adrenaline was flowing. Before I begin on day 3 I just want to give a little ode to the dingo. I was thinking they could get their own piece but I can't really be bothered. This has taken me like 1.5 hours I reckon already. Dingos are cute. Quite ratty but really they're just chillers. They stroll down the beach chat to humans and hang around with alpha males. There are lots of them on Fraser and people seem to be scared of them, im really not sure why tho cause they're super cute and lovely. They'll always have a place in my heart. I love you dingos. Day 3 started in similar fashion to day two. I hadn't learnt my lesson. We packed up camp and left for wobbi lake (I think). This was a stagnant lake (it was smelly and green) at the bottom of some steep sand dunes. This was the scene for the crumbed sausage. Something I will never forget. And as I have videos of it, I will always remember. Myself victor and jabba submerged ourselves in the festering water. We Got out and ran to the top of the dunes 3 times so we could try entering the water in different ways. We began by charging down at full speed. Easy. The second was the time of the crumbed sausage as we rolled down the hill, wet. This meant the sand clung to us. Hence the crumbed sausage. It was weird. Quite fun but quite painful, disorientating and sandy. This is the other reason im still covered in sand. We went for a third entrance into the water. Forward rolls, like a block of cheese rolling down the hill. This was most successful. As I hurtled down the slope at pace with a relatively smooth entrance to the water. Afterwards my head hurt and I couldn't see straight for about two minutes. If you go to Fraser, join the crumbed sausage crew, you won't regret it. Lol. But that was it as we went for lunch and bombed back to rainbow beach ending a smashing three days. We had a bangin group, lots of fun people in all three cars but seriously #CarTwo4lyf. Now I'm gonna go back to learning all the words to mans not hot and the bog in the valley-o. Maybe I should rename this blog the "blog down in the valley-o" although I do quite like "holidaying" I'll think about it. Anyhow I'll write again in maybe 3 days. Dont miss me too much. All my love. G

[whatson-northwales]

Over the last decade, its dawned on me that we have been living in a society addicted to plastics. Maybe you haven’t noticed, but on the Beaches of Anglesey whilst out running or doing our water sports its increasingly obvious that more and more plastic is being washed up on our shores. Each day we see the tide roll in and then out again, bringing with it a new wave of flotsam that has been discarded to the deeps. This is the story of single use plastics.

So what are single use plastics you may ask? Well put simply, plastic packaging that gets used once in its life cycle and then is discarded. Examples of this are, plastic bottles, plastic straws, plastic cotton wool buds, plastic lighters and plastic tooth picks to name but a few. They get used once, then chucked into landfill or the oceans. Most of the emphasis has been on ocean related plastics found on the foreshores of late, but this is only half the story. The rest end up in landfill sites across the world. Plastics can last upto 600 years until they finally degrade down into such small particulate size, that we can’t see them anymore. But they never really degrade down totally, they move into particulate form and then they enter our fresh water systems first and then us through our drinking waters thereafter.

The life spans of single use plastics.

Whether we are scuba diving, spear fishing or swimming on Anglesey, we notice the plastic waste on our outings more and more. Some plastics are deposited on the foreshore but most is below the low tide region, where most beach goers don’t actually see it. Some times on the receding tide line, a line of small particulate plastics is left in a wave crest like pattern all the way down the beach in multiple waves. Those particulate plastics are symptomatic of a far greater problem and those beaches are part of a bigger network of beaches all suffering the same fate.

A typical scene all along the welsh coast after a spring tide. Heartbreaking.

With a fast food style, fast consumer society, the demand for super fast, super cheap plastic goods from foreign countries got the better of us.. we succumbed to the capitalistic culture that served us, oh-so-well. Then the plastic hangover kicked in. Its like waking up thirty years later after a bad night out and seeing the results of your tequila filed antics.  Yes plastics have made our lives a lot easier – you have to struggle to think of any house hold products without plastic in right? But what where the consequences ? maybe its time for a change in our ethos..

The result of our post consumerism ways. A plastic filled hangover from hell.

With the BBC popularising the plastics global problem on the most recent amazing documentary on the blue planet 2, I think the whole globe finally got the understanding that we are in a whole world of bother with our plastics mess. But there have been amazing ambassadors on the internet who have been doing their piece long before the BBC piped up. Patagonia have been doing an amazing job with their ethical companies for the pst 20 years. And their ambassadors like Liz Clarke from Swell voyage have played a pivotal role. Along with a host of very popular bloggers such as Lessplastic, Paredownhome,  Treadingmyownpath, goingzerowaste and more.

We have seen the vast ocean gyres of plastic floating around the pacific and the sandal filled beaches of the pacific Oceana, and the garbage filled slums and waterways of India that are beyond shocking. It seems the whole world has suffered the same fate from our addiction to the black gold.  Whilst studying this in oceanography at university almost ten years ago now, back then there did not seem to be an imminent threat to nature, but maybe there was all along and the world of technology just hadn’t caught up yet to spread the word.

The Large ocean gyres that run our beautiful oceanic conveyor belt.

With the increase of connectedness of our society through the medium of social media in this age, word travels almost instantaneously. Images are shared in a heart beat and videos go viral. This wonderfully blessed time that we live with this thing called the internet can be most amazing. We can rally support for people in need in minutes with Gofund me pages at the click of a mouse, we can raise awareness to a causes that we feel are important to our communities and we can show real time video and images of events unfolding there and then. This is true empowerment.

The power is firmly back in our hands, ironically it always was we just never realised it. But remember we are the people who must take action, don’t wait for your councils, authorities or governments to jump at the task- they won’t, unless it serves them in the next elections. Take back the power and vote with your feet and your pound. What do I mean by this?, when you walk on a beach, take a back pack with you and pick up anything plastic you see, as little an effort as this can make an differnece- make it a habit. Blog it and show the world what your doing and share the good deed. It may inspire another to do the same. Call this your beach tax.

Locally organised beach cleans are now all over Facebook. This one by the amazing surfersagainssewage

When you are purchasing house hold goods make sure they are in line with the same ethics. Make sure they are plastic free (if you can) opt for bamboo alternatives, choose metals over plastics and natural fibres over plastic materials. There are a whole world of options out there now to choose from. If you want a more detailed idea there are many really cool blogs out there which help you navigate your way to becoming zero waste and plastic free. This is not a fassionble trend, this is a cultural shift in ethos.

Shopping in true plastic free style. This is advanced level but how amazing is it?!

Some amazing blogs that I have been reading and odin my home work on are myplasticfreelife , goingzerowaste and here is a guide to some other great bloggers on zero waste here  

So what changes can we make to our daily rituals and habits to make a difference to Mother Nature? Start small. The disposable coffee cups you drink are not as disposable as you may think- in fact they are not at all and have a plastic lined inner which can’t be separated and recycled. Opt for a bamboo refillable one instead or a metal SIGG coffee flask that your favourer coffee shop can fill up for you.

Next ditch the plastic straws. Opt for paper ones in pubs and restaurants and for the home purchase bamboo straws or stainless steel ones. I can’t tell you how many plastic straws we see on the shores of Anglesey. its shocking.

A basic zero waste bathroom set up! How easy is that?

Lastly cotton wool buds, again these litter the foreshores of every beach in the land after being flushed down the toilet. It doesn’t need to be this way. Buy the Bamboo alternative, easy hey? .. and thats how it all begins. I’m constantly getting schooled in this new cultural shift also, so I’m not the guru here merely a pupil, but a keen one! I’ve had an eco coffee cup for a while, I don’t buy disposable coffee cups and I stay away from single use plastics as best I can, its a process. Start with an eco shopping bag and move from there.

Top offenders in our flight against pollution in our oceans

Image by : The Fast Company

Its kind of fun and In some ways I treat it as a new adventure in our shopping styles. Plus I really like all these small independent retailers I’m finding along the path who create these new organic, wholesome products. Im done with the big industrial firms, they are a thing of the past. Independents who make products with love, not harming our planet along the way are the future.

Its a bit of an adventure finding all the new ways to learn to shop without plastic..

  There have been great initiatives started and run by outstanding people and teams of volunteers in our community of Anglesey pushing for a ” Plastics free status ” Sian from Psyched paddleboarding and Surfers against sewage teams have been rallying to push for this initiative that would see local business backing the plan and scale back on their use of single use plastics, this would mean the use of plastic straws, bottles and disposable cups would be a thing of the past. Plans to push for a plastic free high street, as well as water refill points across the Island of Anglesey / Yuns Mon are to be made available to visitors purchasing single use plastic water bottles. So lets push not only for a plastic free Anglesey but a Plastics free north Wales too!

Sian Sykes in her natural element!

Sian is currently on her own plastics free adventure raising awareness of this topic by paddle boarding around the whole of Wales self supported. This 60 day plus adventure has taken here through the waterways of Wales all the way to the Bristol Channel where she currently is at time of writing moving back north. You cam follow her adventure at her facebooked here. Business is as usual with Psyched Paddleboarding though still so book now for your summer trips with her and her trusted team.

As an oceanographer I have traveled the globe working out at sea, been any seen many beautiful ports around the world. They all have the same conundrum. Plastic waste. Looking back now, I just though it was the norm- of course it was wasn’t, it was terrible and we always did a clean up and tried to recycle wherever we could. But back them we didn’t really have the means to make a solid change via eco products. But those times have now changed. We now do.

The effects on wildlife are the main priority amongst all of this though and that should be pressed. We are not amphibious and do not have gills. it is their home not ours that we are systematically destroying by our addiction to plastics. The prey that fall to these oceanic mobile plastics are vast. From Gulls to turtles to fish to whales. I could go on. So this is not limited to litter problem this is a full blown biological catastrophe for our aquatic cousins. So time is of the essence if we wish to have an ecosystem left to protect!

Top 10 Plastic free products :

1. Bamboo coffee cups

2. Steel straws

3. Bamboo straws

4. Glass water bottles

5. Bamboo cutlery

6. Steel lunch boxes

7. Eco shopping bags

8. Eco bamboo iPhone protective case

9. Bamboo Combs and Brushes

10. Bamboo charcoal infused tooth brushes

This is why we have set up our whatson plastics free online store. We wanted to learn what the eco options where ourselfs. So we set about learning and then thought, we have a website why not set up a amazon store with all the products we could find and share them with you guys. That way we can educate ourself and create a more balanced life in line with Mother Nature.

We hope it gives you some ideas and inspiration to step away from plastics piece by piece. we will be adding to it with the more and more products we test ourselves and we will only promote items that we feel that have a positive impact on you and the planet. Over the past five years both myself and my girlfriend have undergone a huge transformation in our shopping styles, diets and lifestyle to become more balanced. Maybe your the same.

We want to create a buzz around this new movement and get behind it all we can. Our plan is to create a massively reduced reliance on plastics. We will donate 10% of any profits we receive through the affiliate links on amazon to a local related plastic cause or charity- maybe you can help with that? Ideas are always welcome. Drop us a comment below. Also if you have any ideas for the store we would love to hear from your s we will be continually updating the items in there.

In the future we will roll out a full E- commerce store, but thats work in progress. For now know that our minds are on helping create an understanding on the issue, then solutions to the problems we face. A thousand mile journey is said to begin with the first step. So lets begin. Together. Nick

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A Plastic free Anglesey Over the last decade, its dawned on me that we have been living in a society addicted to plastics.