#feel pretty despite everything
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Headcanon: Deep down they both want to be their fairy godparent/godkid again after losing them, but don't believe they deserve each other and feel like they aren't worthy to be their companion anymore
They both need counseling and therapy as a whole package
#fairly oddparents#fairly oddparents a new wish#peri#peri fairywinkle cosma#dev dimmadome#fop a new wish#peri fairly oddparents#a new wish#periwinkle#the fairly oddparents#dev#my art#fanart#I like how both Peri and Dev is the type who prefers not directly express their feelings because they want to be seen as cool/independent#and be loved by the people that they care of#in other words#a tsundere//hit#jokes aside I like to think another reason why Dev cried during that scene is because-#he realized he's doing the same thing that his dad has done to him but on Peri#and yet Peri still cares for him despite his treatment towards him#like how Dev still loves his dad despite being a terrible father#and just..want to do everything right by him to earn his dad affection#man#Also ngl I have a hunch that Dev might still remember since Hazel's ''no rule'' wish was pretty vague#so maybe he counts in that wish?#plus he was wearing sunglasses before the memory wipe which maybe that won't affect him as well?#you can see I'm coping rn#I do hope this is only temporary and we will see them being back together in season 2 tho#giving them both some time to reflect and growth#because Peri clearly needs more experience in his job and Dev needs his character development for season 2
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🌙💤🐵 monkees in a pile! (or, the reason why Mike gets such little sleep these days..)
#churro art#my art#digital art#illustration#fanart#the monkees#peter tork#mike nesmith#michael nesmith#davy jones#micky dolenz#HEHEHE OHHHH MY GOD IM SO HAPPY WITH THIS ONE#otherwise titled Lets keep mama up all night#exposing myself bec I literally just drew Peter in the same sleeping position I'm always in >.>#i wont lie i struggled? a lil with the coloring in the previous pajamas drawing#but this time it felt a lil more natural and like it came out wayy more smoothly!!#idk im just really satisfied with it HAHAH especially since I also struggled w the bed and everything at the beginning..#man im glad the bed sheets ended up looking like sheets cos i SWEAR they just looked like blobs of color at the beginning LMAO#im just really happy this turned out so well#i mostly drew this for comfort bec i've had some pretty stressful and anxious past weeks ngl...#so i love getting a chance to draw something goofy or silly just to cheer myself up a bit!#despite my circumstamces atm drawing these fellas has been such a joy i love em i CARE em.....#as you can tell im also addicted to drawing all of them together. they come in a pack Sorry. do not seperate.#oh and I feel like this is the closest i've gotten to achieving a legitimate looking storybook style!#everything before has felt like doodles but this feels closer to something I'd love to draw for a storybook ;P
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Wherever you go, just always remember That you got a home for now and forever And if you get low, just call me whenever This is my oath to you Wherever you go, just always remember You're never alone, we're birds of a feather And we'll never change, no matter the weather This is my oath to you
#amphibia#marcy wu#anne boonchuy#sasha waybright#sashannarcy#my art#meta⚡️ art#amphibia fanart#redraw#i hardly make any amphibia art in general and that is a crime#ive been a fan of this show ever since the first episode back in 2019#“hey do you know of this new show called amphibia? it's pretty sweet!”#sigh...#i met so many wonderful people along the way when i first joined this fandom#we laughed we cried we lived. and yet despite all our hardships we still stuck around#if youre reading this you know who you are. love you guys <3#i dont know where id be today if i never watched this show and never met any of you.#this show helped me get through the rest of my teen years#and now that im a young adult with a brand new perspective on things i feel i now have a newfound better appreciation for this show#now that my art skills are improving i feel like i can finally do amphibia justice#thank you for everything.
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With What We Are
#purplearts#chonny jash#with what we are#cj with what we are#transgender#purplesona#literally no idea what else to tag this#i just#feel alot about this song#but in a good way definitely#always trying to be kinder to myself despite everything#because I deserve that kindness#and this is one of those self indulgent kind to myself drawings#because this is just me but swirly and colorful and pretty#because i love to paint it and I love how it looks
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still here
#leafie draws#been having some “despite everything it's still you” feelings lately....ooough#I've survived a lot..and learning how to live is pretty hard too *shrugs*#I just hope all this means something in the end i guess#oc#leafie#tanuki#vent#//blood#//injury
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something i realised earlier today: being in a car kinda hit me in the g/t feels, like it feels nice in a similar way (i say g/t and not micro/macro because it's close to what, to me, is g/t as a comfort thing, and not micro/macro as a fetish thing. but obviously the line between those things can be very blurry and it's not the same way for everyone)
i'm speaking purely from a passenger point of view (that's the only thing i know anyway), but like: i'm carried by something bigger than me, i can feel the movement of being moved but it's entirely out of my control, i don't have to do anything, it's happening anyway and i can just let it happen. another person is controling it all, i can just trust them to handle things and enjoy the feeling.
i've always like car rides, and i think that's why, or at least part of it. idk. it feels nice, and calming, and relaxing, and... i don't know, i really like it.
#it can change a bit depending on whose car im in#and my enjoyment of it is probably influenced by the fact that my parents both drive in a pretty careful and smooth way#so that's what i've known most car rides to be for a long time#with some people (don't know how much it's linked to the person or to the car) the ride can be way more like jerky and stuff#and that makes it scarier#but telling myself that it's okay despite the scariness and i relinquish all control and i purposefully put my trust in the person (whoever#—they may be) and believe that everything will be okay and i can let them have all the control and not worry#like. that's also very close to some feelings and dynamics in gt.#i'm not saying someone driving me somewhere is the same thing as being in a situation where they're giant and i'm tiny.#just that the situation feels nice to me in a way that is similar— and for reasons that are similar— to the way some size things feel to me#and i wanted to put that observation somewhere#robin's tiny thoughts
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Contrary to a consensus among a lot of fanfic authors (who I love and respect so no shade) I think cannon Francis Crozier knows he is hot.
#you can see it in his face#that’s a man who fucks#the terror#I get that it’s interesting to Explore Feelings and Write about Emotions so I’m not like mad about it#but idk I don’t think he’s burdened by huge amounts of insecurities re his looks#If anything I think that he’d be resentful of the fact that he’s got everything - experience & a handsome face & the talent to lead -#but not the *breeding* to be deemed worthy of the same things his English peers seemingly come into so easily#who cares if you’re hot and brave and have been to the arctic and survived#you’re still *irish*#you’d be excellent husband material but alas#and so the girl you love won’t marry you#you go BACK to the end of the frozen world because you feel you must#and then you wake up one day and realize you’re an angry drunk bitter Irishman just like your feckin father#like I think that’s the insecurity right? having everyone around you refuse to listen to you or treat you equally#all the while knowing how they must perceive you - what they must say behind your back#that’s why James’ confession is so powerful bcs suddenly they’re the same#James isn’t this pretty prissy guy with a stupid fancy coat because he was born into it - it’s because he’s running from the same fear of#being perceived as less than despite anything and everything one could do to prove their worth#like oh shit same hat huh?#ykwim?
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to my all little liars!! (edit: wtf happened to my english? 😭)
we’re at 24.6k words rn 😟 if you plan on reading it next week, i recommend you read it on the weekends when there’s no school or work for you waiting in the morning 😀
calling in the troops rn ‘cause there’s still one final scene i have to write and it’s gonna be LONG (this isn’t including the bonus scene btw) but it’s extremely important for the story to continue, and without it, the rest of the story literally cannot go on 😭
we’re locking in guys. it’s 100% gonna border 30k words for sureee. sm has happened in that ONE chapter and i literally cannot wait to release it for all of you, you have no ideaaa
gonna go to bed and then wake up, study, break, write for the fic, repeat. had to randomly drop an update here cuz i’ve been edging you guys for so long i’m sorryyy, but it really is nearly here <333

edit: fck it guys i’m writing it rn (the immediate comments got me motivated)
#the little asks and messages and dms have been so nice tho#like yes pls remind me of ur existence so i can know why i was put on this planet despite the reason that life is a test of faith#think of this chapter as the main one before everything stars to fall crash and burn#the fall is VERY slow tho#the crash is VERY loud tho#and the burn is enough to kill#do they survive it?#maybe#idk 👀 (i do)#but you don’t so muahahahahahaha#feeling like megamind rn#the bonus scene is gonna be pretty long too#so it’s definitely gonna be above 30k words for sure#100%#i am excited and you should be too#this might just be my most fav chapter so far#sm happens#you learn a little more about the stupid things megumi and y/n have done together as kids#and the stupid things their family have done too 💀#chaotic family fr#(we watch it happen in real time guys)#*AHEM* toji and gojo fighting again *COUGH*#that’s all i’m giving you guys#no sneak peaks before i release it cuz i want all of you to go in BLIND!#i’m evil but you’ll thank me for it i promise#<3#ty for ur patience!!!!!
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watching the nickel apology scene from the great bluish bakery over and over going completely insane. i could rewrite this to actually sound like nickel.
#juice.txt#ii nickel#nickel ii#vague ii neg be warned#ohhhh i feel CRAZY#the quality of nickel's writing takes a nosedive at the end of s3 and it kills me#ive been doing a rewatch of ii where i take notes and focus on nickel and balloon specifically for fun#and nickel starts to talk pretty ooc around spring on the breakfast#and it only gets worseeeee#theres nothing wrong with having nickel care for and love balloon (slash platonic for the sake of my analysis)#but. nickel loves differently than what they write love to look like#he's not 'Correct' about how he loves and he's awkward and uncomfortable about anything emotional#and it just disappoints me to see all that inexperience go away because its convenient or it 'proves he's a good person'#watch the scene where nickel comforts baseball in mazed and confused for a lovely example of how he handles emotional situations#with someone he cares about truly#his comfort is awkward and he ends up insulting baseball anyway but you can tell he is trying despite his struggles.#and that makes way more sense than nickel suddenly knowing everything to do and being willing to do it#WILLING to be vulnerable and to take full responsibility and to somehow articulate himself so perfectly it'd make therapists weep#thats not nickel. thats a script for a character that the writers wanted to redeem without knowing exactly Why he was so cruel#ok i rambled a lot the nickel hyperfixation is just at a boiling point these past few days
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last graduation celebration of my medical training happened last night and it was so beautiful and touching; for the first time it felt real and in that same sense, final. it felt like the perfect way to close the curtain on this phase and the start of the next.
goodbye academia. hello the rest of my actual life.
#its just a... very different very vulnerable group of people#being the touchy-feely specialty they have all the fellows do a 'reflection project' which is something 'creative'#talking about the past year and our feelings about it#and we. uh. present it in front of everyone at graduation#and as cheesy as it is. like. you really get such a different view of people when they sincerely share their art with you#it just made it feel so. real. like these are human beings not accolades not their alma mater not prestige or money or publications#and as embarrassing as it was reading poetry to a bunch of my colleagues felt. idk. real. like i was seen for the first time.#and for the rest of the night people kept coming up to me and telling me that they liked my poems. or lines that hit hard for them.#and there was so much surprise there. like it was shattering people's perceptions of me in real time.#which is so funny. i just love one of the social workers came up to me and hes like 'holy shit what was that. and from YOU of all people?'#i'm like yeah bro. i contain multitudes. but also who am i in your head lmao because...?#listen my beloved tumblr friends. i know this may come as a surprise but y'all know me MUCH better that 99.9% of people in real life#i'm actually very serious and straight-laced and relatively unemotional professionally#so there was something nice about letting some sincerity peak through if only for a minute#i didn't know how much I needed this year to improve my relationship with medicine as a practice#like. critical care in and of itself is. ya know. physically and emotionally taxing. and medicine in the US in general is a wreck#and despite how predictable it is i definitely felt myself getting numb and callous as a protective mechanism#and i dont like to talk about it much because honestly whats 'mundane' in my days is hard and depressing and horrifying to others#but despite the extra training. i think doing this year was the right choice.#without shifting my focus like this i would have burned out HARD very early on#but now after essentially a year of therapy and doing some touchy-feely-ass-stuff and reframing uhhhh my entire life#i actually feel ready. like. i can navigate this. set boundries. show up. be the kind of doctor and human i want to be.#so overall i think its good. i'm actually pretty happy. everything is going to be okay.
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Lua update
#she had some stuck sheds on her tail that i hadnt noticed until now... it took about an hour of warm water and gentle rubbing to get it off.#the area is pretty red and irritated. and i imagine it hurt. i feel so bad. its my fault for not checking her more closely when i get her#out... i cleaned it and put some antibiotic cream on the area. im going to check daily. if its not improved by monday im getting in with#her vet. other people are saying stuck tail tips are fairly common in corns. so at least i know to look for it from now on. im scared she#might need to have the tip amputated...#despite everything she was very sweet. she never got defensive despite shes usually pretty skittish. maybe she knew i was trying to help her#i would like to think that anyway...
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In the past two years I…
Got my driver’s license
Had top surgery
Went on meds which got rid of my cystic acne so I’m not in constant pain anymore
Got my first credit card and started two retirement savings accounts
Started my Bachelor’s degree and am on track to complete it by the end of June, in only two years
Found a job I legitimately enjoy and survived some really horrible shit while making a huge positive impact on my coworkers and community, recently winning the highest possible employee award in my department, which sets me up for a fantastic career
Made some wonderful friends who have made my life so much brighter
I have been so constantly stressed and burnt out over the past two years, that it’s hard to truly accept the good things I’ve accomplished, so I just needed to put them all in one place.
#and these are just the major things… there’s a lot of other smaller things as well#i need to look back on this after i graduate bc i think i’m REALLY gonna feel it then…#i’m just so stressed and tired and ready to be done with school#so i can focus on EVERYTHING ELSE!!!!!!!#if i did all this in the past two years DESPITE EVERYTHING - just think what i can accomplish in the next two years?? or five? or TEN??????#the sky is truly the limit!!!! i am so excited and hopeful#everybody is rooting for me to nab a full time position at work haha#WE SHALL SEE!!!!!!!!!#in the meantime - there’s plenty of other things for me to do!#like watch more films and read more books and SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!#and go to fucking Utah and drive on some crazy ass roads because WHY THE HELL NOT!!!!!!!!#i’ll be FREE!!!!!!!!!!!#WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#oh also my 25th birthday is next week…#gotta say - i’m pretty happy with everything i’ve accomplished by age 25!!
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Decided to do this trend after I realized it would work really well with Oliver
Also I debated whether or not to use his Crystal King design or Dragons Rising design but I figured Crystal King Oliver would have more impact to I went with that one
#ninjago#lego ninjago#my art#purified au#ninjago oliver#ninjago overlord#i feel like i'm super inconsistent when tagging the overlord in this au#i only ever tag him when he's mentioned by name or if it's crystal king oliver#and idk why i do that#despite everything it's still you#despite everything#<- i'm pretty sure those are the tags used for this trend idk
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It is very difficult to realize and accept the fact that all this time the events taking place in my life, no matter how insignificant they may seem to me, somehow had an impact on me and my psyche. When at first you could dismiss it and ignore it, because "well, it happens sometimes, but the rest of the time I'm fine and I can function normally," but then you suddenly stop eating, you don't feel anything for the interests you once had, you move away from everyone and you stop participating in any activities, disappearing from the radar. All you can do now is mindlessly lie in one place and cry for no reason. You can't draw anymore because you're too sad and you don't have the energy and motivation. You can't play games or watch anything anymore because it's almost impossible to focus on it and everything is too vague. You can no longer interact with people, even your loved ones, because a migraine starts just from a small attempt to think and you are too tired to talk for more than a few minutes.
Everything is dim or even black and white, or there are absolutely no sounds, or TV noise when it stops working. Blurred faces, memory gaps, and sometimes the inability to remember your or your loved ones' names.
Only then does it suddenly become clear how deeply and strongly this thing has penetrated the brain, that it has not gone anywhere and has been here all this time, all these 10+ years. I keep replaying it in my head. I constantly cannot fully accept the fact that all this time it has continued to develop and progress, how much it has affected me, my activities and my relationships with others. It's sad, i guess. There's nothing more to say.
It's probably too late and I really should just accept it. To live knowing that nothing can be returned and it's really end. Just sad that this happened.
#vent tag#I'm making desperate attempts to somehow return to the state I had a couple of years ago but I'm horrified to realize that I can't do it.#Back in 2022 and 2023 i drew a lot and interacted with people a lot and generally felt pretty alive >#despite the fact that even then it was mentally and physically difficult for me and I had breakdowns and so on.#I wrote a lot about my interests I was passionate about them I had so many ideas and thoughts.#my drawings were pretty good and time-consuming for me in terms of execution.#but now I suddenly realized that I can't do any of this.#even drawing a flying head just sketch is incredibly difficult for me and I can't do it.#like I've had a big regression in terms of everything I've been doing.#I see how much I'm moving away from everyone becoming just an empty shell of who I used to be. I do not know how to stop it.#I'm just really upset that I can't do anything the way I used to. and even worse other >#people realize this too and leave because I have nothing more to offer them. I can't offer them drawings or headcanons >#or any thoughts or anything else. It happened so abruptly even though it had been happening smoothly all these years.#I want to draw as much and well as I did in previous years again.#I understand why I can't do it anymore but I don't want to accept it completely. just dont want. sigh#This is not the first time I have written this. my thoughts are generally the same and repeat themselves.#I just feel worse than usual again.#just thank you all who still stayed with me despite the fact that i hardly draw anymore
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2025 reads / storygraph
Love Points To You
YA contemporary coming of age
an artist struggling to get used to the idea of moving in with her new stepmother & stepsister can't wait to go away to art school
when her ipad is destroyed, her rich classmate offers to buy her a replacement in exchange for concept art for an otome game she’s developing, and as they work on the game, they start to fall for each other
while she tries to get used to her new family situation, and the fact that her parents seem to be more invested in her stepsister’s future while ignoring hers
bi ace MC, bi demi LI
#Love Points To You#aroaessidhe 2025 reads#asexual books#sapphic books#demisexual books#I thought this was pretty good overall!#It’s very much a coming of age kind of story with as much focus on her family relationship as the romance which I appreciate.#I like how their romance developed pretty casually into dating rather than being all in love all of a sudden#- and all the moments of bonding over otome games and both being acespec and both speaking Mandarin#I like how the conflicts with her stepsister/art rival/family etc were quite grounded and mostly resolved (semi) maturely#and not all overblown into drama despite Lynda’s petty explosive personality.#( and honestly; love some girls who are kinda petty and pretentious and stubborn and oblivious)#That is - until the end she kinda fucks up with everyone and pretty quickly realises she’s in the wrong; I feel like it was a bit overdone?#I understand why she felt and acted that way but it was all very fast paced and a bit of a contrast to the rest of the book#where things were handled with more nuance and maturity.#And oh my god if you found out that a potential investor wants you to change the game’s pairing to straight#why would you not think that’s a dealbreaker? like how could you have any other reaction? I know she realises she was wrong to#react that way pretty much immediately but it felt a little too much like it was there to create a conflict rather than being natural#My favourite part of the book was her developing friendship with her stepsister. made me tear up fr#(this also backtracks a little at the end with the final conflict in a way that felt a little overdone but whatever)#I put some specific art opinions and asexual opinions in my storygraph review (in link above) but a main point for each lol:#She has a sticker shop that’s mentioned a few times but no details…. is this via print or demand or is making/sending them herself#because that's a MASSIVE amount of admin that I'd expect to see depicted in some form. i have experience. lol#Generally speaking I liked the depiction of asexuality she already identifies as such and it’s not brought up all the time#but it does effect how she interacts with the world / thinks about people from time to time#- her dad says “even though you're not interested in dating this applies to you too” & she thinks: “I'm asexual not dead"#- which.. oof. unnecessarily arophobic. I know it’s probably unintentional on the author’s part and I’m used to brushing that aside#- because it’s so common in romance books but I’m gonna be honest it soured my opinion on the rest of the book a bit.#it also felt at odds with her otherwise having various anti-amatonormative thoughts and feelings about various things.#that and the slightly too much conflict in the very end i didn't love but everything else about the book i thought was rly good
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#been pretty much a full year since i started learning ab how Hellish my past was and well i think despite everything im fairly well adjusted#FHSJDHDJS#had a childhood of bein trfficked and in and out of shelters and so many untreated bad injuries and yet somhow im still alive 2day#didnt even know until last year thst my abuse being reported caused intrafamilial gun fights#its only funny bc from a logical standpoint i rlly should Not be alive rn but i Am#its been a strangeweird year. anyway this year im focussing on getting medical help for ye olde injuries that never got treated#frank.txt#also still havw to call so many numbers and email so many emails so i can access old case files and stuff#they rlly dont have like. a wikihow article or smthn about recovering old legal information . and im too lazy to try n contact an advocate#anyway idk yayyy happy Mid March aand im still alive#ask to tag#abuse m#csa m#trafficking m#honestly tho i sometimes get bummed bc i feel like im.not doing a lot w my life but then i remember that like#there r SO many reasoms why i shouldnt be alive rn but i Am. a bit of an isolating feeling but knowing there r others tht feel th same helps#sorry for the bummer post i was told its good to Acknolwedhe Small Wins LOL . anywayback to funnys
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