#feel happiness for the other person instead of experiencing envy or jealousy. Elijah I'm so sorry for your life you deserve sm better </3

[yeonban]

Elijah considers people as "cool" based on two qualities:

1) How nice of a person they are. I cannot stress enough just how much this one matters to him. It's even more important than the second quality. Someone who's rude, abusive and/or egocentric could have the best outfits, greatest looks in history, all the talents in the world and be wealthier than anyone else and Elijah would still think they're the lamest person he's ever had the misfortune of crossing paths with. He's met more than his fair share of horrendous people in his life, both before arriving at Wammy's House and especially after starting his work in espionage, and while he is capable of keeping a straight face in front of them, he feels disgusted every time he meets someone who shows blatant disregard for other people's lives and goes out of their way to do others harm (verbal, physical or otherwise) for no valid reason. In this same vein, he also has tons of respect for kind people because the majority of people he meets aren't well-off or they wouldn't have crossed paths with him; so for them to have gone through who knows what sort of life-changing experiences and remain kind despite everything is something he really appreciates. Plus, he feels safe around these kinds of people, which is rare in his line of work and in his mess of a private life (<-if he even has something that can qualify as private life).

2) Their self-expression. Meaning, the person expressing themselves as they are instead of taking on every trend and trying to fit in with the masses at every step; whether that means through donning something visible (having markings, tattoos, piercings, wild hairstyles, uncommon outfits etc) or through personality (standing out in the crowds by voicing their opinions even when they're different from that of the majority). This one is mostly due to how his own life is shaped. Elijah cannot present himself in the ways he'd like to thanks to his job, so he deeply respects those who can and regularly do. He cannot have any sort of distinguishing traits unless they're specifically for a job and in that case it's not even for him, it's for whichever identity he must take on. He must always remain a blank slate, someone you wouldn't remember in the crowd nor think twice about when passing on the street. For this reason, he cannot tarnish his skin or appearance in any way, neither intentionally (tattoos, piercings, hairstyles that take time to fix afterwards) nor accidentally (scars from fights, hence why he prefers to only fight directly as a last resort) which is why he's very fond of those who can and do show the world who they really are.

[yagamisdiary]

I lowkey feel Ambrose's mind set and outcome could have been much different if he allowed himself to seek love from someone instead of shutting out every chance for love he has been offered and only seeing himself, his mind and body as materialistic value. Same goes with his family, I understand how little he must have felt but if he was more open with his acceptance for love and ability to show it back he'd realise how much he was valued and loved for every aspect of his existence. I can't help but sympathise with him. I feel I'm getting opinionated on his character but his death hurt me the most out of everyone's. I truly believed he had a real love for his family but his love was poisoned by envy and jealousy. I find the most upsetting part of his character is that if he got his way or not he'd still never be happy. If he got his way I feel the buzz of praise and control would wear off eventually and he'd realise it was all just performative. Yes, I know a kingdom can have a real love for their King but if you were to put them in a situation between picking a loved one or the King who would they pick? Maybe Ambrose, but that would be from loyalty, not love. Not REAL love. I'd give it a few months before he'd come down from the high and be left wondering why he hasn't been ticked off or put in a small wrestling match or debate quiz in a while. A few months before it wouldn't only be y/n who couldn't look him in the eye, but he couldn't look at her either. Her face a mosaic of their family blended into one.

I also can't avoid feeling sorrow for him because he really was just a boy who had yet to grow up. On the outside was a man but on the inside was just a boy. Kai is the one slagged the most for his childlike personality but it was always Ambrose that had it. His idea of masculinity was constantly being put on fire and constantly having to be rebuilt with fewer resources every time. It distracted him from the maturity and growth that comes with age. Keeping his feelings enclosed for so long must have spilt out and warped his mind and sadly that's what happens when our emotions bottle up and we feel we have no one to express that to. It's because of this I feel that at his breaking point, he'll go back into his childlike mentality and only then realise how dependent he was on his mom and dad. Only then will he realise he'll never get another hug from his mother or a well-needed lecture from his father. No brothers to seek advice from and mentally no sister to confide in. No family to lean on in times of dread like we all need. And he'd still keep this bottled up. He'd have no one to emotionally connect with on that level again. Maybe a wife but a wife will never be able to bring the love experienced from brothers. The type of love where you can kick and punch each other all you want but they'll still be there at the end of the day eating dinner with you and hold no grudge but love for you by the time the sun goes down. The cycle would only continue for him but this time he has no one to hurt. He got what he wanted and would be stuck in a lifetime of misery and fake smiles with the only thing filling his mind being guilt and sadness. I also believe this would make him realise the love he actually held for his brothers. Yes, I know Y/n was probably his favourite but sometimes when your glass of emotions fills too much it overflows and you are forced to sit there and analyse them even without realising or concentrating on it. That's when he'd find the real love he held for Kai and especially Elijah. The remorse he'd feel and the guilt of realising the love and compassion his older brother felt for him. He'd relive all the small moments. I think that another fault of Ambrose is he expects drastic acts of love that he forgets the real pieces of small everyday doings. He'd realise all the times Elijah probably noticed when a conversation was starting to get Ambrose agitated and would steer it away, all the times he probably realised during balls only he, Elijah was getting all the limelight and praise and would find a way to bring Ambrose's light of character into conversation. Sadly, his win would only make him lose as he'd realise all the real love he was once surrounded with, is now gone that he cold-bloodingly destroyed it. Never will the image of Elijah's lifeless eyes leave his brain or the images of his dead parents. He would only ever see Elijah's eyes before his death looking back to him in mirrors and his father's disappointment when he'd scrunch his brows or his mother's tears when he'd cry. Although he got his dream, he'd just as quickly want to reverse it. I think he'd either live a life of misery and guilt which would reflect onto his people, or end it himself.

I could say Ambrose is probably my favourite character in this story. His feelings are just so universally experienced and we all have probably once felt like an Ambrose. Whether that be with siblings, parents or friends. A lot of us have felt unwanted once and Ambrose embodies that and how its sadness can turn to envy.

As much as he has done bad I seriously just can't help but want to cry for him. He really is just a scared boy under his facade.

The saddest part, even with all the death and horror, I believe his family would still find a way to forgive him. If reincarnation existed in another universe and his loving family could be put in a room together one more time for just one day, I do believe that day would end in one big crying hug of guilt from all sides, and especially at the core of that hug, love.

I went a bit on but I just love his character so much and believe that none of this was his real dream and he never really got to find his real dream in the end. As much as he can be painted to be a monster I don't think his family could ever see that no matter what because the truth is deep down I don't believe he was. His story and life were sad and it's upsetting because he could have had a beautiful life if he stopped looking at how he was perceived by others and took a bit of inspiration and help from his siblings to find his true self. As much as we want to do stuff on our own i don't think he could find himself on his own and do believe with the accepted help from his siblings he could have found that :(

I just realised how long this is... I could have kept it to myself but wanted to kinda voice my opinion on his character because I find him the most interesting and complex!

wow, i’m honestly speechless right now. this is the first time someone has analyzed and truly broke down one of my characters before and it’s honestly sorta eye opening.

it’s always so strange to me how a fictional character i made up in my head can cause such emotional and personal understanding within someone. that they have the capability to reach the readers in ways that cause them to feel sad or empathetic for them.

ambrose personally is one of my favorite characters too. he was so much fun to write at the beginning and with time, the more deeper and complex his character became, i felt an overwhelming sadness when i was reminded of his evitable faith

i had ambrose’s plot line planned out from the first page and never intended for myself to get so attached to him, much less for readers to do the same

in my eyes, he’s extremely relatable. especially for people who grew up as a middle child and often feel overshadowed by their siblings or just in general

i agree that whether he got his way or not, he’d never be satisfied. the rose colored glasses would eventually fall and he’d see the world as it really is and come to terms with all he did to get to where he is

i believe that yn knew this too and that’s why she took it into her own hands to end that misery for him. she knew he was too far gone and that no matter what, he’d never be happy