#feel free to send me stuff if you want coz this entire situation is just fucking BULLSHIT and also HOW CAN PEOPLE BE SO DAMN SELFISH

[logicheartsoul]

I’ve had a rollercoaster of emotions today and I’m really trying to keep it together. 

Today started out pretty good coz I got some needed adulting tasks done and even got out of the house, and drove my car, and it was just like. Yes. This is great. And I even treated myself to some snacks and a tea latte from the Starbucks where my sister works at.

When I got home, I found out from my parents that our family is still (currently) going to host Thanksgiving (usually another family member hosts it) and so I had to tell my sister about the change in venue.

Well. That’s when I got the unpleasant news.

So my sister told me it’s possible she MAY NOT be able to come to Thanksgiving because it turns out one of her coworkers has been showing signs of COVID and not quarantining herself. She and her other coworkers have noticed and tried to say something to this person but her coworker 1) refuses to get tested and 2) continues to work. What makes this all worse is the reason WHY her coworker refuses to get tested because she “still wants to go to the BTS concert in LA”.

Like how fucking selfish can you be??????

And even though they’ve been wearing masks around each other while working, some people don’t wear masks “correctly” (the whole not having it over the nose and other bs) and I have no idea if this person has spread it to other customers or whatever.

Anyways, my sister hasn’t gotten tested yet because it’s only been 2 days since she was exposed to this coworker and so her only free day to do so is on Wednesday, so that’s when she’s going to do it.

Now, I didn’t know this info when I went to her Starbucks earlier today, coz I talked to her after my errands. And while I 1) kept my social distance, 2) wore my mask correctly (and it has a filter so even more protection), 3) have had my covid booster for over 2 weeks now (I took it the day before my trip to NYC, so it’s been 2 weeks and a day since then) so the effectiveness of the booster should be high and working by now and 4) made sure to not touch my face after coming home without proper handwashing/hand sanitizing, I’m just. afdljfdalkjfdslkfjds

So yeah, a fear of mine happening is happening but also potentially could come true (I hate this damn wait but I am sure my sister hates this damn wait too, I just am trying not to cry considering other health issues dealing with my mom I won’t get into here coz that would be another lengthy...yeah.) but that I may potentially have gotten it (though I keep trying to remind myself the odds of having it are definitely lower than my sister, since my exposure time was lower, and doing all the measures plus also having an effective booster while my sister hasn’t had her chance to do so yet, though she also got the vaccine later than I did) and I live with my family so if I also end up giving my family covid...Potentially reinfecting my dad with covid (since he was tested positive this time last year, lkjfkdsljfd) I dunno. If I think too hard on it I’m going to start screaming and crying.

My plan is to wait on my sister’s test results and if I start feeling crummy af, I’ll get myself tested this weekend. I really hope her test is negative and if it is, I’ll definitely hold off on testing myself this weekend unless I actually start feeling shitty.

Just. I know I was starting to get better mental health wise but I know this will set me back a bit, even if it’s just for a short while. And yeah, I know the whole “recovery isn’t linear” and blah blah, but I just. Fucking hate this. I want to just faceplant and cry. I was having a DAMN GOOD DAY WHY THE FUCK.

I haven’t...had the courage to tell my parents about me being in that Starbucks, though I know I should. But I just. I dunno. I know that if I have it, I won’t be transmissible for 24 hours, so maybe I should also just wait on telling them...I dunno. I just. falsdkjadljfdslafjds I have read the CDC guidelines and it says as long as I don’t show symptoms I shouldn’t have to quarantine myself since everyone I know is vaccinated (including my family) I just. I hate this.

My parents DO know she’s potentially not coming to Thanksgiving and they’re ok with that but also want her to take care of herself and being safe and also not trying to spread it to other people (if she has it) but it’s just still terribly frustrating and I just wanna scream, punch something, cry, all at once. The sheer selfishness of people is the reason why people are going to suffer, be retraumatized, and get hurt, and continue to do so and prolong this.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

How do u feel about Eno from MonsterKind?

closes book & spins around in chair—oh! didnt see you there. well i’m glad you asked. sets down cup i was drinking from.

tldr i quietly cherish him. i figure it is not exactly his best look right now but i would be surprised if it was to turn out he is/was secretly evil & trying to work against everybody the whole time lmao…..honestly i figured that things were doomed in this way when kip said he trusts eno the most…….that can’t go unpunished. rip

but it is also an endorsement that he must’ve been top quality all this time if kip trusts him that much. i doubt its as Misguided as just being taken advantage of. no idea what the broader con here needs to further take advantage of re: kip….the fact that ppl listen to him whether he likes it or not? or that he can probably survive mad low temps? if he was assumed to die back in the day then the latter seems somewhat relevant one way or another. but i am too dumbassed to make good guesses w/little info

anyways i’m kind of assuming…that eno does sort of have suspicions or straightforward knowledge abt what happened behind the scenes, & its being confirmed just by kip saying there’s some link b/w wallace & the investigation of yore…like, i know i just said im dumb as hell & my guesses are bad, but i’d guess eno thinks that their inside info getting out elsewhere was via himself, not yumi, despite what he said. or even technically if it couldve been yumi i think he thinks it was his own fault. and its not surprising he wouldnt bring up his own suspicious abt his self involvement because like after everything went to shit & the entire project seemingly destroyed, there’s not much relevance to investigating how it happened if nobody plans to be involved. and it would be a little awkward then & now for him to tell kip he thinks he may have been involved in the downfall, even if inadvertently…hm

like……it would be nice if he had secretly developed some kind of assassin level knife throwing skills in the past years. wouldnt it always be. but honestly kip was fuckt the whole time…….nobody seems to be threatening anyone else with knives but i guess if some shadow organization that murders at whim & unhindered shows up & makes threatening demands, the implication is that anyone could be killed, even if some people get to stay alive for the moment just for the sake of pushing them to do something or other thats convenient for whatever latest death plot is underway

e.g. i’m not sure what the point is of purposefully trying to put kip on alert besides having him fall back on eno even more than he would without bringing up that specific threat

but really besides the “well i’m already resigned to someone stabbing kip in the gut while killing everyone he knows in front of him w/promises to kill everybody else too” factor of it all (im not really but—) another reason i cant be that mad is b/c i am also resigned to the fact that wallace is basically in the same kind of position eno was, of an accidental accessory to secret murder

b/c it would truly be a twist if wallace WAS actually in on it the whole time lol….but i doubt it. but the fact remains that he is definitely unwittingly a pawn of the devil!! this wouldnt be a problem if, marxism. anyways the thing is that i really, really doubt that wallace will smoothly learn of whats actually going on before anyone else knows or anyone gets fucked over and be able to gently reveal this to everyone in ways that nobody feels betrayed or breaks their trust with him. i am not even sure how that would be possible…..it is basically inevitable that wallace will have to be exposed as connected to this whole secret society of nightmares, and nobody really knows wallace well enough to be certain that he actually didnt know. and really, the fact that he Doesn’t know doesnt change the fact that he is in fact a part of it and facilitating it, even tho arguably it isnt quite his fault

tbh im assuming that the reason he’s having to do all of this is that he was willing to be transplanted from a to c, and because of that he is like totally clueless about like….everything. he presumably has no idea the kinda shit everyone around him is worrying about like all the time lol & wouldnt know not to try to push past those boundaries. but he can’t exactly be asked to do anything that much different from what he’s doing now / anything too clearly Heinous…besides maybe getting Extra Info or simply making ppl nervous, like making kip think he’s endangered.

coz t.b.h……………i’m not sure that, between kip seeing wallace as harmless and well-intended vs dangerous & ill-intended, the latter is worse? because he is a mix of the two….he doesnt mean any harm but he IS dangerous, technically. not directly thru his own actions quite as much, but still, obviously……kips first impression was basically correct lol rip. i dont think there WAS a way for kip to ever not suspect wallace as being less than purehearted, and of course i also dont think he won’t have to find out that wallace doesn’t want to hurt everybody, but at least he’s a bit on guard about all this fuckery…..even if putting him more on guard is part of some evil plot, which also means its bad…….obviously ideally everyone gets to only ever be best friends and also all be kip’s boyfriends, but i don’t think i my wishes have a tendency to come true, so maybe wait on anticipating that one. in the meantime maybe the inevitable revelation that wallace may have been a double agent will be lessened if kip was holding out for it all along lol. i guess it depends on how much more inadvertent damages wallace’s role is intended to invoke. weird sentence there but i stand by it

basically like dude!! try Knowing Shit instead of not knowing shit!! he may only be an accidental hand of the devil but that doesnt mean he’s totally not working for satan here, so hopefully when he finally realizes the extent of it, he gets to help to right the situation. presumably. idk. but how would anyone know for sure that he never knew what was going on besides trusting that he is not just an excellent actor? i suppose we are in the same situation with eno, huh. despite being given kip’s endorsement, there is only a limited picture of him & then the knowledge that he probably played a part in all the bs w/all these ppl dying. i suppose you can guess that he knew all of what was going on or he didnt or somewhere in between….

basically w/wallace and eno i am assuming that with both itmd a case of well-meaning humans being taken advantage of and accidentally infiltrating these vulnerable circles and sending back information and oh oops, atrocities, and everyone’s dead. i cant imagine that at least kip is meant to survive, and not sure why eno would feel particularly safe on that front either, and clearly any casualties that seem even vaguely necessary can just be carried out at random so you know. bless wallace’s well meaning heart that doesnt know shit but like still, if ppl get fucked over they still have the right to be mad, and if theyre dead theyre still dead, and etc, and also try to learn shit even if it was just a regular, non Agent Of Evil job.

basically what i am trying to say is that im pulling up on my motorbike and telling people that if they’re going to be mad at eno, they ought to be equally condemning of wallace, or that is just inconsistent. like, feel free to either way surely…….i can’t guess that it’d be smooth sailing for eno either if he has to awkwardly divulge that maybe he knows stuff about the whole assassination backstory.

i do wish he had those knife throwing skills for sure…..wish he wasnt being gunpointed into pressuring kip into something or other that surely will endanger him & surely others….but i get why he doesnt exactly seem to have other options at the moment lol. this guy could have assassins all over the block if whatever godforsaken conspiracy is already underway and waistdeep. smh. as i have to assume that he would only endanger kip if he was basically being given a catch 22 of Endanger Kip or Endanger Kip. i suppose he could be doing it solely so he himself won’t be assassinated, but i am personally piecing together that he and kip Are Really in fact That Close & he hasn’t like, faked caring about him this whole time or something

uhhhh tldr i think of him as basically in the same position as wallace, tho to be fair i dont think of wallace as blameless part for not knowing whats going on (like im guessing eno didnt understand until it was too late) and in part because even without the devil he IS just barging in from a in the middle of c & also pursuing audiences w extra vulnerable ppl w/o knowing fuckall (unlike eno who i am also guessing is not from a…)

and perhaps the sole answer to your question as really i was only inferring the part abt asking if eno is suspicious and dubious or not: I Am Fond Of Him Like I Said

what an essay! as all my asks turn out to be!! but i can’t help but theorize. even though i am a dumbass. this is in part because i watched mh for years, and in part because i never assume i’ll still be alive to see any particular plot point in any ongoing media i consume, so i furiously speculate and create au’s in my head and all. for example if i die before its definitely revealed kip doesnt get twenty husbands—which, good luck proving that to me anyways—can anyone tell me he doesnt? no, because i died. so he definitely does. and thats all i have to say on the matter, thank you for tuning in to Milo’s Hour Of Speculation, And Knowing Everyone Is Kip’s Boyfriend