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storybookprincess · 3 years ago

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I'm hoping you can help me with some certified Big Sister Advice™ and someone who has more "real world experience" than I do. Obviously if this makes you uncomfortable or you don't have the mental/emotional capacity to reply, please feel free to ignore!!!

I got my first adult job last year and by all accounts I should really enjoy it. Great people. Great pay. Great benefits. I'm even using my degree. But I'm actually starting to be deeply unhappy with it. I'm either stressed or upset near all the time now, and I constantly feel like I'm failing because I get criticism and negative feedback over my main responsibilities regularly. (I am responsible for a magazine so it's cyclical). I am also responsible for advertising, and I'm constantly playing a numbers game that always leaves me losing (re: pandemic + other issues) and it's incredibly stressful as well.

All of this has me on the verge of wanting to quit, but when you remove the emotions, it makes no logical sense. I can save thousands more dollars for grad school by staying at this job for another year. But I'm so miserable that doing this for another year sends me near tears.

I guess at what point do I value the rest of my life and mental health over this job? I'm constantly thinking about work when I'm not clocked in, before I go to sleep, when I'm with friends, in the middle of the night, weekends. The wall of text emails with improvements I need to make ruin my day and I spend my evenings mentally recovering. And I procrastinate everything now.

When is it worth sticking out? Is saving the extra money worth it for grad school which I havent even applied to yet? I could be thousands less dollars in debt if I stay for another year.

And how do I bring all of this up with management?? Preferably without bursting into tears or accidently accusing them of anything. I would stay if things change.

I've never had to make any decisions like this before. Any insight you have would be greatly appreciated.

I love your blog and the positivity you put into the world. Belated Happy Birthday by the way!!!! Thank you for enriching my internet life.

first, my dear anonymous friend, i just want to give you a big virtual hug. it sounds like you're incredibly stressed & really at the end of your rope, and i'm so sorry to hear how hard things are right now.

given that this particular dilemma is a lot bigger than the usual fandom struggles people come to me with, i want to change my approach a little. rather than giving you specific advice about what to do, i'm going to pose a few questions for you to ask yourself so you can come to your own decision. ideally, you'd find some time when you're not feeling extremely overwhelmed & stressed & can think (or write or talk) through these things with yourself with a level head. and hopefully answering them will help you decide what's best for you.

first, what, if anything, is going to change about your current situation?

if your current situation isn't feeling sustainable, do you foresee anything changing that will make it so that it's sustainable? for example, the past two weeks at my new job have been invigorating & fun, but they also haven't felt sustainable. but i know why that is--i've just started & there's a ton i don't know, which is stressful, my commute is eating a total of 1.5-2 hours of my day every day, and my sleep schedule is still getting back on track. but i know all of those things are going to change--i'll learn the ropes, i'm moving this weekend & will cut my commute by 75-80%, and i'll get my sleep schedule fixed with time. given that example, is there anything about your current situation that might change? if there is, what is it & how will it affect your quality of life? if there isn't anything you foresee changing, that's valuable information to have, too.

what non-monetary value are you getting out of this position? and is it worth the hardship?

most of the pithy life advice i see circulated online falls into two categories: 1. "if something is hard & stressful, just stick with it!!!!" or 2. "if something is hard & stressful, just quit!!!!" but both of these philosophies are vast oversimplifications, and the actual answer is far more nuanced & unique to each individual.

instead, imagine that you have a balance scale. on one side is the hardship you'll endure my sticking with something. on the other side is the personal value you'll get out of it. for something to be worthwhile, the value needs to outweigh the hardship. a prime example of this would be a person's decision to stay in medical school. medical school is incredibly grueling & stressful, but it's also the only path to becoming a physician. if a person values their career as a doctor enough that it outweighs the hardship of their training, it's worth sticking it out. but when the hardship outweighs the value, it might be time to reconsider. the answer to these questions will be different for every person. so in your situation, what personal, non-monetary value are you getting out of this job? and do you think it's worth how stressed you feel?

alright, now onto the money question, because i think that's at the heart of your dilemma. so, quite simply, how much money would you need to make for this position to be worth it?

seriously, put a number on it. how much would they need to pay you for it to feel like the job is worth the stress you're enduring? you might say "if i made 75k a year at this job, i think it'd be worth it." or you might say, "honestly, i think it would take 250k--a quarter of a million dollars--to make this feel worthwhile." or, after a lot of considered thought, you might say, "there is actually no amount of money that would make this job worthwhile."

and now compare that figure to your projected grad school debt. if this job will save you 20k in debt, but you've decided you need to make 100k for it to be worth the stress, that's probably an indication that it's not worth the money. if the numbers are more aligned, then you might consider staying more strongly.

and finally, what are your other options?

i think, especially when we're stressed & overwhelmed & burnt out, it's easy to see things in a strict black/white, either/or dichotomy. but in truth, there are usually more options than that. right now, you might be thinking, "i either stick with this miserable job, or i'm going to be drowning in debt when i finish grad school." but i guarantee you there are more options than just those two. for example, could you find a less stressful job with a different company that still pays decently, even if it's not quite as much as you're making now? are there any fellowships or assistantships that could help fund your education? do you have the option to go to school part time & work part time to make things more affordable? if you really give it some thought, i'm guessing you'll find that there are more options than either staying somewhere you're miserable or drowning in student loans for decades.

goodness, this is getting long & it's nearly 11 pm my time & i have to be at work tomorrow at 9, so i'll wrap things up here. i hope this has given you a little more clarity on what the right choice might be for you. again, i'm sorry you're so miserable right now & i'm hoping things will get better soon. hang in there, my friend. i'll be thinking of you <3 <3 <3

#asked and answered #Anonymous #big sister advice

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mchalowitz · 5 years ago

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the process by which time passes

REPOST. you guys. @lilydalexf is the true mvp of this saga. she happened to have the story still open and was kind enough to send it to me. i owe her so much gratitude (as well as the other amazing xf bloggers that reached out to me). although i don’t interact much socially around here, it is amazing to be a part of a fandom that is so kind and supportive! writing xf fic is a creative outlet i enjoy so much and i love sharing it. now back to our regularly scheduled reading. (also if you guys wouldn’t mind boosting this new version so i can see the feedback, i would be so grateful.)

this is something i’ve been writing (at this point) for probably almost a year, which is one reason i’ve been pretty quiet on the fic-posting front. i’m so excited for everyone to finally see it but terrified at the idea that it’s not just an idea that only i know about anymore. it was originally the back half of a wip i abandoned but i couldn’t let this part go. enjoy!!

Mulder gives her a tight hug on the side of a desert highway. Scully presses her forehead to his chest, hoping her thoughts might leave her mind, reach his heart, and convince him to stay. He still gets in the SUV and she never sees him again.

In true Fox Mulder fashion, his physical presence isn’t needed to be a constant reminder. Government officials that she once exchanged pleasantries with at the coffee machine bang down her door and rip apart the life he abandoned.

“Have you heard anything?”

Skinner rifles through papers until the door clicks shut. Her badge feels heavy on her lapel. It feels wrong to be here.

“Only the official warrant,” Skinner answers. That was weeks ago. She has to frequently remind herself that he is doing the best he can. He can’t make it too obvious he’s interested in the hunt. She certainly can’t go digging herself.

“They’re closing the X-files,” he informs her. “There is an appeal process…”

“That’s not necessary,” Scully interrupts. “My assignment was to assess the validity of Mulder’s investigations. There is nothing to assess.”

“You believe in the work.”

“I’m a scientist,” she reminds him, offering nothing else.

Her final report is a jumble of words that states, no matter what she believed, the X-Files should never be reopened.

–

Scully spends idle days breathing in wet air on her mother’s porch. She hopes the sea might soothe her.

A week later, as she plans her return to Washington, she decides emphatically that it did not.

She discovers heart medication in her mother’s bathroom cabinet. Maggie attempts to downplay the circumstances, “It was a blip on a screen, Dana. The doctor said it was just precautionary,” but to Scully, it’s a call to action.

It isn’t difficult to resign. It seemed like it should, after giving the FBI almost a decade of herself, and much, much more than that.

She cries silently in her car after handing over the keys to her dream apartment and saying goodbye to her meticulously curated life.

She reminds herself starting over is the only way to move on. But she isn’t sure she believes it.

–

Scully is a seasoned Special Agent of the FBI, an instructor of pathology, but she struggles to call herself a doctor. After an onslaught of rejected resumes, she begins to believe the medical community of Maryland agrees.

A small hospital outside Baltimore is wowed by her determination alone. At the bottom of the ladder, no one knows the reputation of Agent Scully. She showed promise and expertise in her role, even if her partner was a kook. Dr. Scully has never formally practiced medicine and her bedside manner leaves something to be desired.

Scully hopes for an opening in pathology, where she might be more understood. John From Human Resources hums along with her plight. “I’ll keep an eye out,” he promises.

She begins noticing him behind her in the cafeteria line. On a fall day, she is trying to decide on the best fruit cup when he sides up to her. He is whisper-quiet, conspiratorial in tone when he says, “I wanted to give you a heads up that Dr. Harris may be retiring at the end of the year.”

The may sounds more like an is. A weight inside her lifts.

John assures her she is the first choice when the position officially becomes available. When he leads her to her new office in January, he asks her out to drinks to celebrate, and Scully is surprised, because she forgot people could see her that way.

John is completely unlike anyone else she’s been with. He is endlessly dependable. She never has to worry about where he is because he calls when he’ll be late. He thrives on a fastidious routine and makes safe, informed decisions.

Scully finally moves out of her mother’s house and into a modern three-bedroom she purchases with John. She leads an entirely new life. She climbs the ranks in pathology and is still able to go on real dates, and eat home cooked meals while they’re still hot, and sit in the pew every Sunday. She goes on weekend hikes and uninterrupted trips to the coast and has fine, but not life changing, sex. She accepts John’s proposal on the beach with a beautiful ring.

They have a small wedding. She doesn’t take his last name.

John tries so hard, never asks about her time in the FBI, even tries to adopt a child with her. When it falls through at the last minute, they decide on a dog instead. They get divorced after two years.

In her office one late morning, the phone on her desk lights up. “Dr. Scully, there’s a man on line one asking for you.”

“Thank you,” she says into the speaker. She picks up the receiver with the assumption of a request for a consult. “This is Dr. Scully.”

“Hey, Scully, it’s me.”

She drops the phone.

–

Scully’s stomach is in knots. She is too nervous to order any food. Mulder sits across from her at a diner, looking older and scruffier, and she wonders if this is all a cruel hallucination.

“Where have you been?”

His fingers tap nervously on the table. “Farrs Corner.”

After exploring little towns in the far reaches of nowhere, she remembers that’s Virginia. When she presses for how long, she discovers he’s been within driving distance almost this entire time. Her fingers clench. She wants to strangle him.

“It’s been six years, Mulder. Why now?”

“The FBI dropped the charges against me. I helped them with a case, they wiped the slate clean. I can start my life again, Scully, come back.”

Forget strangle, Scully wants to kill him. He thinks he can just come back? His ignorance to the domino effect of his actions has to be purposeful.

There was a life they wanted to live together that never had the chance to become a reality. She has spent six years trying to fill her life with meaning. Her marriage failed, her career path faltered. They have a child that is no longer theirs.

Scully stands from the booth. She stares down at him, asserts her power.

“I thought you were dead.”

He just nods. He suggests she give him a call, now that she has his number.

She doesn’t.

–

Scully always forgave Mulder too quickly; it was their fatal flaw. She frequently ignored this piece of common knowledge by justifying his more unsavory behavior as residual childhood trauma, or a severe lack of social skills, or plainly being obtuse.

She never found a way to justify him leaving her when she needed him without looking like an emotionally manipulated moron. How could she possibly forgive the embarrassment and isolation she felt after giving up her own child for ostensibly no reason?

Scully bared her soul to him, her body, and gave him everything she had, and she still took a backseat to his quest. There was a brief time where she thought something finally switched in him and the quest would take a backseat to her. In the earliest days of the millenium, working their way up from something undefined to something real.

A month passes. She speaks to no one about her meeting with Mulder, but when she has idle moments, it fills her mind. She tries to remain hot when she begins wondering what Mulder’s life is like now. She attempts to imagine how he filled six years worth of time, because he was never a picture of duality, never able to separate his life from his work, and what can he do after leaving it behind?

It’s a slow burning curiosity. Weeks long. She begins to think he didn’t push during their last meeting because he knew it would happen like this.

She scrolls through recent calls to find the number he left on her office phone. Scully hears the hello in that familiar voice and doesn’t hesitate to respond, “Mulder, it’s me.”

–

Scully sees a dream realized when she pulls up to a little house with a spacious porch on sprawling land. Mulder never liked the city.

He is clearly thrilled to finally present his vegetable garden and his paintings while giving her the grand tour. He recounts putting in the new water heater himself and his plans to replace the roof next spring.

Mulder makes her pasta and gives her the “good chair.” When her stomach is full, they talk about old times. She hasn’t talked about these things in years because she knew there was no one else that can laugh about what she saw instead of instantly recoiling except for the man sitting across from her.

“I have to get back,” she realizes when she sees the sun beginning to set out the window. They spent almost the whole day together. He nods in understanding.

“You see I’m not living in squalor,” he jokes as he walks her to her car.

“It certainly wasn’t the dilapidated hut I was expecting,” she teases. Her tone shifts from silly to serious. “You know, Mulder, after our last meeting, I really didn’t want to come here. I thought…I think you know what I thought. But I’m glad I came.”

“I appreciate any chance you’ll give me, Scully,” he replies.

–

Farrs Corner becomes a regular destination.

Mulder easily becomes the companion she was lacking, the return of the best friend she lost. Even with the passage of time, he still knows her better than anyone else.

She stops offering up her free Friday nights for on-call autopsies and tox screens to watch movies with take-out picked up just before civilization ends.

Without a Saturday shift to spoil their fun, they indulge in the full six pack of their favorite beer. His feet are propped on the coffee table next to their abandoned pizza box, as she folds her legs underneath her on the cushion beside him. She is full-bellied and warm.

“I can’t believe you were married,” he says in disbelief, taking a swig from his bottle. “Considering how many of my proposals you turned down.”

“Maybe I would’ve accepted if any of them had been serious.”

“So you’re saying there was a chance?”

She laughs and nudges his shoulder with the side of her bottle.

When she catches his eye, she sees a person that, yes, she thought she might marry someday. When she was younger, less hard, and had never seen the face of a child that was half him, half her.

She leans forward and presses her lips to his, jerking back as soon as he begins to respond. She tries to find something to say, a reasoning, but she finds his curious gaze, and can’t think of anything to say.

He closes the distance between them and starts where she left off. His kiss is wonderful. It’s hopeful and sexy as all hell.

He nudges her jaw aside with his chin, his mouth seeking out her neck. Her fingers tangle in his hair. “Let’s go upstairs,” he suggests.

–

Standing at the foot of his bed, Scully realizes she’s never been in Mulder’s bedroom before. He has simple furnishings; dark wood and soft blues. His belt clunks when it hits the floor. His bare chest warms her back.

She remembers his warmth, his proclivity to be so tender and gentle, and to let her lead the way. She turns and guides him onto the bed.

Modest kisses quickly turn unrestrained. He breaths in long pants as he shoves her panties down her thighs, letting her kick them over her ankle before hooking them over his hips.

He slips in so easily. Scully explores his changed body; the shifting muscles in his back, his thinner, sweat dampened hair against her hands, his ass clenching as he rocks into her.

Electricity runs through her when his fingers drift to her clit, taking her right to the edge. “Fuck,” he groans, his lips at her ear. “I can’t believe it’s really you.”

She moans in utter bliss, deliriously overtaken. When she comes, she shatters. Mulder thrusts two, three times more, before following behind. He spurts hotly into her with growls of satisfaction.

Breathing heavily, they lay bonelessly on their backs. She feels the sweat cooling at her hairline. Her lips break into a big smile and a laugh leaves her lips. His follows and he raises her hand to his lips, feeling his joyous puffs of air against her skin.

“We are still very good at that,” she decides, turning her head toward him.

“You did always bring out the best in me,” he agrees.

Scully finds his boyish nerves when he mentions spending the night charmingly endearing. She wordlessly moves to press herself into his side, clinging to him in answer.

–

Mulder calls their connection cosmic, though Scully doesn’t believe in cosmicity. An otherworldly connect would trivialize their effort so far in their new era.

She worried how they would assimilate into each other’s worlds without the commonality of what easily linked them before. While their forced separation may never be seen as a positive in her eyes, it did allow for the growth to be content in domesticity.

Scully adores the version of Mulder she met over two decades ago. With his unwavering desire for truth and his absolutely brilliant mind. The hours they can spend talking remind her of that man often. They spar as they always did, laugh like no time has passed.

She delights in the side of him that is at peace with the mundane. He likes filling her drawers with clean scrubs, and working in the yard until he returns smelling like freshly cut grass, and giving her drafts of his paranormal mystery novel.

Uncensored honesty is their biggest challenge. It would be so easy to never discuss what plagued them in the past. They finally get to air their fear, their guilt, and their grief. Scully thinks she and Mulder come out better on the other side.

Mulder leads her to the quiet corners of the world, using his freedom to finally venture off his little property. They luxuriate in the Bahamas shortly after their first night together and they start stopping at all the roadside attractions they used to skip. He plans to finally take her to England and show her all the off beaten paths from his youth. She would go anywhere with him.

A beach house in Maine is this weekend’s activity. Scully accidentally leaves her stack of reading on the desk in her office. “I’ll grab them quick and we’ll go,” she promises him, hanging onto the open passenger side window.

“Don’t leave the coast waiting too long,” he teases. “I’m starting to lose my island glow.” She rolls her eyes at him and pushes up on her toes to kiss him briefly.

Though she promises to be quick, Scully still signs into her computer. She printed out the newest articles hastily before an autopsy and notices now that the first ten pages of the article on top are missing. She finds herself drawn to begin reading when she goes to reprint. She pulls out her chair with blind arms, sitting down absently.

She doesn’t realize how long she’s been gone until she sees Mulder enter. “I was starting to think you’d fallen in,” he jokes.

“Sorry,” she mumbles. He brushes off her apology with a wave of his hand, rounding the desk to brace his hand on the back of her chair.

“What are you reading?” he asks.

Case 43-2009. 8-year-old with Brain Scan Abnormalities Presents Potentially Unseen Neurological Disorder.

She breaks her gaze at the screen to bring her eyes up to Mulder.

“We need to find our son.”

#x files #xf fic #fox mulder #dana scully #msr

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ibelieveinahappilyeverafter · 4 years ago

Text

Writing Commission - Where I Want To Be - Chapter Three

Summary: Yamada Hizashi, better known as the Voice Hero Present Mic, is a busy man. He has classes and students to teach English to, an agency that always seemed to be in the middle of a disaster to help deal with, and a radio station that was one bad show away from being cancelled to run. He doesn’t have time for a bad day triggered by nightmares and fears and anxieties that just never seem to stop.

Luckily for him, his partners are Aizawa Shouta and Yagi Toshinori and neither of those two are very good at leaving Hizashi to suffer alone.

Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia

Characters: Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, Aizawa Shouta | Eraserhead, Yagi Toshinori | All Might

Rating: Teen Audiences

Word Count: 29,323

Transaction Amount: $200 (USD)

WARNINGS FOR: Past childhood abuse (both emotional and physical) and anxiety attacks verging on panic to PTSD episodes. Please read with caution if needed.

⁂

Check out my writing commission information here! Pledge to my Patreon to get exclusive content! Or buy me a coffee on Ko-Fi!

⁂

Chapter Index

<<1>> <<2>> <<3>> <<4>> <<5>> <<6>> <<7>> <<8>> <<9>>

⁂

Yamada Hizashi was a filthy rotten liar. He was a filthy rotten liar who did not have everything under control and, knowing his luck and how his life had gone so far, he would burn in hell for lying to such a sweet, wonderful man as Yagi Toshinori.

In fact, Hizashi could already feel the flames of hell curling around his skin and pressing down all around him. At least, he hoped it was the flames of hell, because otherwise that would mean he was stressed and nervous to the point of sweating and shaking which was just something he did not want to deal with on top of everything else; especially when he had to keep it together in front of his students.

“Alright, listeners, we’re actually going to do things a bit differently today!” Hizashi forced on his best smile and cheeriest voice, smiling at class 1-C as he did his best to act as normal as possible. Thankfully, since these were the General Education students, not many of them seemed to think anything was wrong. Small mercies, he supposed.

“Since we’re all caught up on where we’re supposed to be today-” An absolute lie that Hizashi would also burn in hell for. “-I’m actually giving you lot a free study period!”

The joy and relief of the students was almost tangible, Hizashi relieved that none of them called him out on the lie or seemed to bother to read ahead. They still had another chapter to work through, but Hizashi figured he could deal with that problem on another day when he didn’t feel ready to crawl out of his skin -- or the window.

Settling back into his seat, Hizashi watched as most of his students immediately pulled out their phones or started talking to those around them. A few were frantically digging in their bags for homework that was, no doubt, due that day. Overall, though, they were quiet and respectful, and it was a relief. The last thing Hizashi needed was an aching head on top of everything else that was going on. It was bad enough that fear of even so much as opening his mouth was swirling around him, digging into his lungs and wrapping tight around his throat.

Right… Right, then! Lunch was next and then Hizashi had another two classes and a couple of paper stacks to get through for his lessons -- which was good! That meant Hizashi would be kept busy. His routine kept him busy and gave him little time to think on the fact that he was letting his students goof off because he could barely choke out a single word-

That was okay, though. All his students were happily enjoying their free period and Hizashi could, quietly, attempt to finish up a few things ahead of time. There was plenty to keep him busy, after all, not even including his lessons and grading. He could always catch up on one of the legality packets Nezu typically made them all do so they could avoid lawsuits.

Hm. Hizashi would need to remember to check over Toshinori’s packet -- and definitely Shouta’s. That man was an incredible pro-hero and a wonderful teacher, but his idea of getting out of legal trouble often mean dealing with threats of violence. Thinking of Shouta, though, Hizashi paused in his thoughts of keeping U.A. out of legal trouble at seeing Shinsou Hitoshi step up to his desk. “Ah, hello, Shinsou. Anything I can help you with?”

Shinsou, thankfully, was a pretty quiet kid and whip-smart with his work, so Hizashi doubted he would have to force himself to speak for long if the kid did have any questions. Then again, Hizashi knew Shinsou could be a sarcastic little menace when he put his mind to it. Shouta had been training the kid since shortly after the Sports Festival and it was amazing how far he had come since then. It didn’t hurt, either, that Shinsou was one of his top English students and seemed to love learning new languages.

Actually, now that he thought about it and Shinsou’s skill and enthusiasm for English, the kid might have actually figured out they weren’t caught up or ahead of schedule like Hizashi had said. Ah, well, at least if he was going to say something it wouldn’t be loud enough for the entire class to hear -- hopefully.

‘You know, according to the syllabus that you regularly yell at us for ignoring we still have one more chapter in this unit before we’re supposed to be finished.’ Ah, well, Hizashi supposed he couldn’t be surprised Shinsou had called him out, and in sign language, no less- Wait.

“Huh.” Hizashi blinked, the small word slipping out of him even in his state, because, well. He had been prepared for a lot, but he hadn’t been prepared for Shinsou using sign language to talk to him. He hadn’t even known the kid knew sign language, and he was sure Shouta would have mentioned something to him if he had known. “You know sign language?”

Shinsou gave him a flat, are you kidding me look that was so much like Shouta it was an effort to not actually laugh about it. ‘No, Sensei, I just happen to be moving my hands in random patterns and getting lucky.’ Damn, the kid was fluent in it, too.

‘Okay, okay, no need to be sarcastic about it,’ Hizashi signed back, something in him relaxing as he was able to talk without speaking -- and to one of his favorite students, no less. ‘And you actually read the syllabus?’

‘Don’t get too excited. I think I’m the only one.’ Shinsou’s amusement was clear even in his signing, the gestures relaxed and fluid that spoke of a couple of years of practice, at least. Hizashi was a little insulted he was only just now learning the kid could speak in sign. ‘Or, if anyone else did notice, no one else has the guts to call you out about it.’

‘Oh? And you do?’ The smirk was an answer enough. Damn Shouta for having so much of an influence on the kid. ‘What happened to the days of hero worship, I ask you? You used to be starstruck by me!’

Shinsou let slip a small laugh, the sound a delight to hear from the usually stoic kid. ‘I wasn’t starstruck. You just talked too much for me to get a word in edgewise.’ The kid’s smile took any possible sting out of the words before he was continuing. ‘Had a feeling you knew sign.’

Hizashi clucked his tongue and gave a teasing smile at the kid, ‘Don’t lie. I’ve stated in multiple interviews that I know JSL. You can tell the truth, kid, I know I’m one of your favorite heroes.’ Shinsou rolled his eyes and glanced away, but he didn’t deny the accusation. It was a surprising delight to know that Hizashi was correct in his teasing. ‘I’m more surprised by you knowing! I know Shouta and I sign in a few of your training sessions with him.’

Seeing a flash of confusion on the kid’s face, Hizashi frowned before realizing what had caused it. Damn, it was almost enough to startle another laugh out of him. ‘S-h-o-u-t-a.’ Hizashi spelled out the name before following it up with the personalized version with the signs for cat and sleep.

Understanding lit up in the kid’s eyes and he gave a startled laugh, grin not fading in the slightest as he rapidly signed back, ‘That’s the signs for his name? Cat and sleep? Seriously? That’s amazing.’

‘Thought you might enjoy that,’ Hizashi signed back, not saying anything as the kid grabbed a chair from an empty desk someone had vacated and dragged it over to sit down himself. ‘You can keep using Sensei or Present Mic, if that makes you comfortable, but you’re free to use my name, which is Hizashi.’ After spelling out his name, Hizashi followed it up with his own signs -- microphone and sunlight.

‘You were the one who gave Sensei his name signs, weren’t you?’ Shinsou accused, Hizashi doing nothing more than smiling. ‘Uh huh. Well, I’ve known JSL for a couple of years now. I started picking it up before I went into middle school.’

Hm. As far as Hizashi was aware Shinsou had never mentioned any family or friends with hearing or speaking problems, and he knew the kid wasn’t deaf or had any hearing problems of his own. That left few reasons as to why he could learn to be so fluent, and Hizashi didn’t like some of the ideas that came to mind.

‘What about you? How long have you known sign?’ The question took him out of his thoughts for a moment, Hizashi giving him a smile to make sure he knew his questions were welcome. It was still something he and Shouta were both working on with the kid.

‘A long time, now.’ Sliding off a section of his headphones, Hizashi tilted his head and tapped lightly at where he was wearing one of his hearing aids. He had long since gotten ones that were able to be used with his support gear, and having headphones on over his aids gave him an extra layer against sensory overload. ‘My quirk affects my lungs and vocal folds and makes my eardrums a bit stronger than most, but my screams can still affect me if I’m not careful. I learned sign as I was growing up.’

Shinsou gave a small nod, looking at Hizashi’s hearing aids for a long moment as he seemed lost in his thoughts. Hizashi didn’t blame him. Not many heroes came out and really talked about the negative effects of their quirks or what kind of injuries could happen while they were on the job. As far as he knew, he was one of the few to be so open about his own disabilities.

‘I mostly just learned through videos and books,’ Hizashi finally signed out. ‘Never took an actual class on it or anything.’ Now that took Hizashi by surprise.

‘Really? It doesn’t seem like it! You sign really fluently-’ Pausing in his motions, Hizashi looked at Shinsou for a moment, and, huh. He didn’t know his name in sign yet. ‘What name would you like me to use and do you have any signs for it?’

“Oh, uh-” Shinsou startled, as if surprised he had suddenly talked when he didn’t mean to. ‘Sorry. I don’t really get to talk with anyone like this and I always heard from places that other people were supposed to give you your name signs so I never really gave myself any signs or anything like that.’

Shinsou looked well and properly awkward, carefully avoiding his gaze and looking something close to embarrassed. Hizashi wished he could tell him that there was no reason to be embarrassed, especially if the kid never got to actually talk with anyone using sign language.

Quiet for a moment, Hizashi finally rapped his knuckles against the desk, getting Shinsou’s attention before giving him an encouraging smile and signing a simple, ‘Do you want me to help?’

It was a bit presumptuous considering Hizashi was the kid’s teacher, but he had been learning more and more about Shinsou for months thanks to Shouta. He had even spent quite a few lessons helping the kid train when Shouta was injured from patrol and needed the backup. Besides, Hizashi had always been weak to kids, and Shinsou was too much like a younger Shouta so it was hardly surprising Hizashi was weak towards the kid.

Shinsou, silent and staring at him with a wide, startled gaze, seemed completely taken aback before he mumbled a soft, “I’d love that.” He then flushed in embarrassment and Hizashi did his best to not draw any attention to it even though it was adorable. ‘Thanks.’

‘Of course!’ Hizashi beamed before dramatically tapping his chin with a finger in thought, lips pursed as if he was thinking hard. He heard Shinsou give a small snort of laughter, the sound easing some of Hizashi’s worries about the kid before he was signing again. ‘Alright, I got it! For S-h-i-n-s-o-u we’ll just use what your kanji mean to make it easy. That’d be mind and manipulate, right?’

Shinsou nodded, copying the signs with a questioning look. Hizashi was quick to sign a cheerful, ‘Good job! Do you want me to make some signs for your given name, too, or would you rather have someone else do that?’

‘No. You can do it.’ The answer came at once with no pause, Shinsou giving him a little smile. ‘Are you just going to use the kanji meanings for that one, too?’

‘Absolutely not!’ Hizashi mock scowled, making sure to wink so Shinsou knew he was being dramatic. ‘Given names, at least to me, are something I find more personable. It says more about the person themselves than just their name, you know?’

‘Makes sense,’ Shinsou signed before giving a long, dramatic sigh. ‘Alright. What are you going to stick me with, then?’

Hizashi hummed in thought, staring at the kid for a long time before making the signs for good and hero. Shinsou was still and silent for a long moment, a lifetime of emotions and memories in his eyes as he copied the signs slowly and carefully.

‘Good job, Hitoshi,’ Hizashi signed, using the new signs and smiling softly as the kid cleared his throat and immediately looked away. He was far too much like Shouta, honestly.

“Whatever,” Shinsou mumbled, finally looking back at him. It was a long moment of the kid just seeming to study him before he was moving his hands to sign again. ‘You know ASL too, right? What are the differences between JSL and ASL?’

‘Oh!’ Hizashi beamed, delighted because finally an English student who was curious about English sign language -- and American at that! ‘That’s actually a wonderful question, Hitoshi!’

While Hizashi had been planning on getting through some paperwork, he felt absolutely no regrets about spending the rest of the class period distracted and conversing with Hitoshi in sign, teaching him bits and pieces of ASL and the structures of a few other different sign languages. The kid was a quick study and Hizashi would have to absolutely steal him from Shouta for some language lessons in the near future.

Hizashi was in the middle of one of his explanations about the structure of Japanese Sign Language and how it began in earnest when the bell to dismiss the students rang, the noise enough to startle him into jumping because, well, he hadn’t expected to lose track of time that thoroughly.

The other students were already grabbing their things and leaving to flock to lunch before Hizashi could say anything, and, really, high school students. He shouldn’t have even been surprised. Still, that was another class he had survived and another span of time where the fear had been manageable.

“You know, Sensei… I understand what it's like to have a bad day and not want to say anything about it.” Shinsou’s voice startled him out of his thoughts, the kid looking at him with far too knowing of a look on his face. “Or not say anything at all, I guess.” The kid with a quirk of mind control, huh… Yeah. Hizashi was certain he could understand.

“Yeah,” Hizashi finally responded, a pained smile leaving him. “But I wish you didn’t… Still.” This time Hizashi managed a laugh, words coming as easy as they had when he was safe with Toshinori. “You are far too much like Eraserhead some days.”

“Thanks,” Shinsou grinned, moving the chair back to the proper desk and then grabbing his things. “I do hope you feel better soon, though.” Shinsou’s smile was soft for another moment before it firmed up into a smirk. “Aizawa-sensei is a wreck without you, after all, and Yagi-sensei isn’t much better.”

“Oh?” Damn kid was way too smart and determined to still be in General Education. “Shouldn’t that be All Might-sensei?”

Shinsou snorted, rolling his eyes and shaking his head, “I figure there’s enough people in this school reminding him at every second of the day that he’s still All Might after everything. I figure he could use a few more people to remind him that he’s still human, too. Right?”

“You’re something else.” Hizashi ruffled Shinsou’s hair before nudging him towards the door. “Go on and get something to eat. If you hurry you may be able to avoid being kidnapped by 1-A like you keep complaining about.”

The kid laughed but did as told, Hizashi watching after him for a few moments before letting out a slow, deep breath and moving to get together his own things. A class period full of being able to communicate without the fear that came with it was a wonderful reprieve, but even a kid as great as Shinsou could only do so much. After all, the quiet was quickly fading into silence.

Fear was still clogging his throat and phantom aches and pains made themselves known whenever he moved, reminding him of events that he should have long since forgotten. The last hour had helped, but, well…

The day wasn’t over yet.

#bnha #boku no hero academia #where i want to be #allerasermic #mha #my hero academia #original #my writing

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anya-chalotra · 5 years ago

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GET TO KNOW YOU TAG

RULES: Answer 20 questions and then tag 20 bloggers you want to get to know better.

I was tagged by @notations, @ohhelga, @blackbellatrix, and @hughjackmans to do this, and I know I’ve also been been tagged in variations of it by @argetnallison, @smilecapsules, and @dobrien (and others I know I’m probably not finding in my likes, which has become a graveyard of tag games I haven’t gotten around to doing) but they’re the same thing at the heart of it so I’m hoping to kill however many birds with one stone.

NAME: Ava (legally, it’s still my birth name, which is Vanessa)

NICKNAMES: Technically Ava is a “nickname” but as far as Actual Nicknames go, my mom calls me ‘Toet’, which is Dutch for ‘button’. It’s been the only nickname that’s stuck, though there were the usual suspects of having the name Vanessa—Ness, Nessie, Nessa. Mostly people just called me by my name in full, though.

ZODIAC SIGN: Pisces

HEIGHT: 5′4″ / 1.62m

LANGUAGES SPOKEN: English (and some French, if I could only actually fully get back into it; I used to be fluent in Dutch and Indonesian as a kid, and I’d love to re-learn both languages at some point)

NATIONALITY: Asian-American

FAVORITE SEASON: Fall and Spring

FAVORITE FLOWER: Carnations, though I love most pink, purple, and white flowers.

FAVORITE SCENT: I love, love, love water scents. Soaps, candles, air fresheners, detergents—you name it, I’m probably getting it in some water scent or another.

FAVORITE COLOR: Considering I dress regularly for a funeral and make 500 purple gifs, obviously black and purple make the list. I also really love pink and cyan.

FAVORITE ANIMAL: I love dolphins and have a collection of dolphin trinkets and ceramics. I hope to one day live out my mermaid dream of swimming with dolphins. As far as domestic animals/pets go, I refuse to pick, because that feels like I’m betraying one of my many pet-children.

FAVORITE FICTIONAL CHARACTER(S): We’d be here all day if I made an all-time list, but like. Disaster gays, chaotic bisexuals, absolute himbos, unhinged women, women who deserve better from writers and fandoms both, and grumpy assholes with a soft spot for the people they care about. I am pretty transparent about who my faves are, so you can probably guess who fits the bill.

COFFEE, TEA, OR HOT CHOCOLATE: Hot chocolate all the way. I’m not a tea or coffee person at all unless it’s vanilla iced coffee (and really only just Starbucks Frappucinos or International Delight) or Thai iced tea.

AVERAGE SLEEP HOURS: My insomnia is terrible and my sleep schedule is horribly inconsistent, so it’s hard to say for sure what my average is, but probably 4-5 hours? And then I have the rare days where my body is so exhausted I conk out for 12 hours.

DOG OR CAT PERSON: Both.

NUMBER OF BLANKETS YOU SLEEP WITH: One really big velvety throw blanket.

DREAM TRIP: Paris

BLOG ESTABLISHED: I made this particular blog back in November 2017 (and then kept ditching it for several months at a time, several different times, oops) but I’ve been on Tumblr since either November of December of 2009. Let’s not talk about it.

FOLLOWERS: 1.7k

RANDOM FACT: I have a tattoo on my left forearm that says fluctuat nec mergitur. It’s Latin for “tossed but not sunk” and I got it as a reminder to myself that despite all the waves that have tried to pull me under in my life, I still haven’t drowned.

I have no idea who’s done this and who hasn’t, so please feel free to ignore if you’ve already done it or if you simply don’t want to do it, but I’m tagging: @arthusa, @buckeed, @amandaseyfried, @yennehfer, @julianspankratz, @jugheadjones, @veronica-lodge, @jemmablossom, @daenerystargaryes, @alechardison, @ilysansa, @meliorn

#i have dozens of tag games i've been meaning to get around to #i'm sorry if you tag me in something and i don't do it #tag games #(i would tag 20 people but i always feel like i'm annoying if i tag too many people)

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hnlijiug-a · 4 years ago

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General RP style and preferences

Repost, don’t reblog. Bold what applies. Strikethrough what does not. Elaborate on any points you’d like. Please be honest, we all want to find the people who work best with how we RP.

____

TYPES OF RP / HOW I DO THREADS: I don’t, I just do whatever is on my dash when I’m online | Mainly asks | I do little short things mostly | I do my threads on discord | Long running threads that slowly build upon the muses

my favourites are always longer threads, even when they start from asks. i love character development, and in general exploring what my muses would do or think in different situations. though i’m of course perfectly fine with short and funny things, but i always prefer to write a little more, even in funny moments.

PLOTTING PREFERENCES: Wing it | Get a general idea ooc and then run with it & plot further if need be | Long expansive thought out story arcs

i love plotting, but i’m also here to have fun and i adapted myself pretty quickly. usually having a general, even if maybe vague, idea ooc before starting (or immediately after starting) helps me getting more into the thread (and usually more confident in writing it), but i’m absolutely into improvising everything. i play d&d....... i’m used to improv by now. :3c

TYPE OF THREADS I DO / PREFER: Oneliners only | Whatever dash shenanigans I’m online for | Para or Multi para | Literal Novels

sometimes i get a little lost in what i’m writing and it becomes LONG... it’s not my fault... also i’d be in for any dash shenanigans, but unfortunately i’m not online enough to catch them. i’m usually very late for them, so... :’C

REPLY SPEED FOR THREADS & CONSISTENCY & KEEPING THREADS I lose threads all the time & don’t usually get back to them | I tend to lose threads but please tell me if I have and I’ll reply! | I drop threads pretty easily | I’m really slow but I WILL get back to you | I reply on a schedule/queue (specify if you’d like) | I usually reply within a week | I reply every day | I reply almost instantly

it usually takes me a lot to reply to threads mostly because i’m detoxifying from the computer. i work with it and many hours are spent staring at the screen drawing or writing, and due to a lot of problems that the computer contributed to cause and a bit of dependency, i’m working to use it as little as possible. this is the reason i’m online this little, and threads take so long: since i also try to write them good, it’s already a lot if i reply to two in a single day. exceptions can be mostly on saturday and sunday, or on “free days” that i take, but rarely i do much more.

ROMANTIC OR SEXUAL SHIPS I don’t do these ships (specify reason if you would like) | I’m not against them happening but it is not the main point of my blog | All ships will have to be super slow burn & discussed a lot OOC, super chemistry based (specify reason if you’d like) | I love doing ships, HMU I probably already ship it just ask! | I ship really quickly | I autoship or ship within a few interactions | I mainly RP for the cute ship fluff or smut

i absolutely love shippings, but i’m also roleplaying for a lot of other reasons, so it tends to stay on the same page with other things i like to write. so it’s not a priority, but i love writing a good ship~ ... or a bad ship. i like roleplaying some crazy stuff sometimes.

SMUT I do NOT do smut at all (specify reason if you’d like) | I’m very selective about it | I only do it on a separate (blog/discord/specify here) | I mainly only do asks relating to the subject on Sundays | I write it a medium amount | I write it all the time and love to

a big no here.

ACTIVE HOURS { ROME TIMEZONE | GMT +2 } Mornings 8-10 | Midday 11-1 | Afternoon 2-5 | Evenings 6-8 | Night 9-12 | Ungodly hours of the day 1-onwards

between all things, especially trying to not depend so much on technology, i’m very little active. you might see me when here’s late evening, and i tend to go to bed around 11pm. ... so, exactly when the dash wakes up. of course. timezones. the bane of my roleplaying existence.

ACTIVITY SCHEDULE SUPER slow and sporadic, like once a month or so | Slow and sporadic week long gaps between activity | Bi-weeklyish activity | Weekly activity (specify if there’s a certain time you have school/work/etc. off that you are most active) | Daily activity | I’m online nearly all the time

mianfei’s case makes things a little more tricky, since i have a single thread with him for now. having more threads probably would make me write here more often.

STARTERS I don’t do starter calls | I want to do starter calls but often don’t have time | I do selective calls (generally one-liners every now and then) | I don’t do calls, but always feel free to ask me for one! | I do starter calls rarely/regularly/often

sometimes i don’t have time, sometimes they’re generally ignored, so starter calls are one of the things i do less.

AUs I don’t do AUs | My blog is an AU but outside of that I don’t do them | I sometimes do them but only with a lot of plotting | I have a couple of AUs already feel free to request them! | I have AUs coming out of my ears please interact with them! | I love making AUs HMU to plot if you think of one! | There are some AUs I won’t do (specify here)

i love aus, i’m the sovereign of aus. maybe not really on mianfei’s blog but i lllllove aus,,

CROSSOVERS I don’t do crossovers (specify reason if you’d like) | I’m selective with crossovers (Only fandoms I know/interest me) | I love crossovers!

i generally have bad experiences with crossovers, but i’m always willing to try. they need to be plotted a bit though, or i can’t think of how the muses would interact.

#long post //#零 | ‘ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏꜰ ꜱᴛʀɪɴɢꜱ ᴛᴏ ᴩᴜʟʟ ‘「 ooc 」

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cruzrogue · 5 years ago

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Quantum Leap

#Fictober19 @fictober-event

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for fanfiction:

Prompt number: 16 “Listen. No, really listen.”

Fandom (AU if applicable): #arrow fanfiction #olicity

Rating:PG

Warnings/Tags: Future/Past Time travel (Different Earth)

Summary: Felicity leaves with the Monitor but not everything is as it seems she is being used on a quest just like her husband. Instead of entering this quest in 2019 like Oliver Queen she’s entering it in 2040. Somehow different points of entry into alternate earths are needed. Her life has become like the show: Quantum Leap.

Added prompt: Can you imagine this scenario: Goth Felicity in a coffee shop, working on her laptop, while overhearing some girls' conversation at a nearby table. LL is one of them and she is talking about how Ollie would stop cheating on her once they get married. And the other girls around the table agreeing to the crap L is trying to sell them and herself. I can see and hear Felicity's snort from here. Perhaps L needed a reality check, a wake up call from a take no shit Felicity, and perhaps whatever Felicity says would penetrate.

Notes:If you’ve seen Quantum Leap this is loosely based on it because I watched it religiously like so many other sci-fi/action shows back in the day. I’m using what I can recall.

~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~sp@ce~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~

Quantum Leap on A03

Felicity is not to happy. When she called upon the Monitor to see her husband after twenty years it was time to keep her promise to Oliver. Not land it pivotal points in her history. She doesn’t even understand why she back to her college days. Is she supposed to keep Cooper from doing the stupidest thing ever and getting arrested? Its months till she meets him so what is the purpose of coming to this particular time frame?

She must say though that it’s kind of cool to see herself in Goth attire not like that drugged up version of herself when she hallucinated that wasn’t the best version of her at all.

“I guess if I’m stuck in the past and I’m supposed to change something or another, frickin’ if I’m going to play Sam in all this time world travels, Dr. Sam Beckett needs his Admiral Al Calavicci, so I can Quantum Leap out of this mess.” Unfortunately for her there is no The Observer to be her holographic adviser. At least she is in her own body.

She than mimics the Monitor, “Where I’m taking you there is no return.” Rolling her eyes, “No shit! We just going to Quantum Leap my ass to help balance things out.” She sighs loudly as she needs to add one more dig to all this, “I’m the frickin’ one who doesn’t wear a mask and I’m supposed to what? Diddle dandle the situation like Macgyver? Who does he think I am?” After finishing her little rant, she can almost feel like this whole scene was just witnessed and man if that is true, she just puts up her middle finger to add insult to injury. Not like the Monitor has any sense of humor but sticking it to him makes her feel somewhat better even if its fleeting because she is stuck in the past in whatever Earth number it is.

Heading to her dorm she remembers how much her roommate stunk up the room with the weirdest homeopathic aromas. Wouldn’t be so bad if the girl picked a scent and committed to it. Entering her room, she greets the roommate and heads to grab her laptop. There is this newish coffee shop a few blocks south and well-being anywhere but here sounds like a good idea.

Of course, being a mix of her old self physically and being the older wiser woman, she becomes mentally she feels a little free. All that growing pains and self-doubts are gone. She can sigh a breath of relief in that at least. She could waltz down any particular street and sing ‘I’m off to see the Wizard’ and having people look at her weirdly be like ‘yea what are you looking at? Never seen a girl sing off key before?’ Hence, she decides to do just that as she’s crossing a busy street.

“We're off to see the Wizard The wonderful Wizard of Oz

Because, because, because, Because of the wonderful things he does We're off to see the Wizard The wonderful Wizard of Oz”

What she doesn’t expect is the city may have some loons because a few people join her unexpectedly. What starts off as just being an idiotic move becomes a full-length sing-along and she’s laughing hysterically but by the time she reaches the coffee shop she back to her non-singing jolly self.

Finding a comfortable place to at least check on everything that matters to her by using the convenience of the internet. At least the programing is the same so surfing is her game as she submerges herself into all that is technology.

All is well for many hours, plenty of coffee and sugar to fill her hearts content. She even picks a salad with the right amounts of protein just because she can hear the little Oliver cherub on her shoulder telling her to eat right. It takes a voice to break her from her concentration. It’s not the voice itself that got her too glance around the cutesy coffee shop. It’s the specific laugh of denial that she’s heard from a certain woman before but just as soon as the alternate version of her made its way into her life.

She wishes she wasn’t privy to hearing they’re conversation but as Laurel starts to talk about Oliver she just can’t walk away. Those three women may now have her undivided attention. It may be a train wreck waiting to happen because sometimes TMI is a real thing. She doesn’t need to know their sex life because that would just be creepy. Not that Laurel didn’t share what she thought Oliver would love from her. It still gives her shivers thinking about those few conversations she couldn’t get out fast enough. Luckily it was a one-time Sara Lance intervention session that helped Felicity never hear another Ollie liked this or that conversation. She made sure to thank Sara very well for that sweet deed.

“Ollie, eventually will find himself and he’ll take his father’s company by the horns. When he does, he’ll have me proudly supporting him. No one supports him like I do.”

“Laurel, aren’t you two on a break now?”

“These breaks are just to rejuvenate our longing. He’ll miss me and I always get what I want. There is this gorgeous pair of earrings I hinted to him that would look so nice with the necklace he gave me last time.”

“He loves to shower you with gifts.”

“Well I did mention to him that showing such gifts is important to show relevance in a relationship status within his peers.”

“Smart, this way he knows no other men will try to steal you away. He’d be crushed.”

“It would only serve him right. Though Ollie would settle down after marriage. It would only take the right woman.”

“Of course.”

Laurel lightly chuckles as she features her hand to her chest in a whimsical manner, “I am the only woman for him. No one knows him as well as I do. He knows his discretions are easily forgiven.”

“A tit-for-tat?”

“If he knows what’s good for him. I’d be the devoting wife, the part I was born to play.”

“But he has cheated on you regularly.”

“Ollie will surely stop cheating once we are married.”

“Well you two would make a lovely pair.”

“Thank you. You are so right. The boy is mine and I don’t even have to try. Though I am planning that once we are both back in Starling, I’ll slip some lame story about some of our friendly couples having moved in together.”

“Smart! Right?”

That gets Felicity to snort. She does it so loud that she gets their attention. Oh no she went from casual observer to now a participate and she doesn’t know what to feel. Maybe they’ll ignore her and continue with the most asinine conversation. Is this the Laurel she never met? Because she is not the wannabe strong girl she tried to project. She really is coming off a petty gold-digging princess.

When the three go back and act like nothing happened it not until the next doozy that has Felicity snort and try to hold her laughter. It’s a if she understands now why she is here. She still mumbles to herself, “This is not something I want to do.”

At least her Goth appearance has them concerned in a way that says she’s is battle ready. She enters their conversation and asks, “What on this green covered earth makes you think a man who cheats on you holds you in any esteem?”

They’re answers so bland and vanilla that Felicity takes some pity on these three fools.

“You are seriously okay with being a second fiddle to your own story?”

Yet again answers so bland Felicity just shakes her head.

“And when he finally tires of you and sends you away with whatever prenup you’ve signed how will that fill your longest nights? Because where I am standing you happily giving up the best years of your life for a guy who has his secretary without a mere thought about it buy you the personal gifts while you need to call her to set up an appointment to schedule time with him.”

‘It wouldn’t be like that. Ollie is sweet and just the kind that needs those friendly pushes. His mother told me that herself.”

Felicity lets out a dark laugh, “She’s okay with you being a doormat?” and Felicity takes a hard look at the other two woman who are egging her on. Her attention now solely on Laurel, “Listen. No, really listen.”

“It is the way of the world. You just don’t see it because your…” She waves her hand around Felicity’s Gothic look. “Unexperienced!”

“Is that so? Let me advise you that appearances can change. We also see what we want to. If you see yourself as a sell-by-date nearing expiration and just sell yourself short. You’ll deserve the short-comings because living with ourselves is a lifetime guarantee. The mirror yields for no one.”

“Ah!” Laurel just looks at this girl who budded into her conversation. Some of what she says scares her. She’s heard a similar version from her dad. Her friends are urging her to forget what this dark-dyed hair bimbo is saying. Laurel is the lucky one, she has a guy who’ll will figure his shit and go back with her because she’s been faithful to his lifestyle.

“It’s your call. You can respect yourself or be that obedient doormat to his parents and eventually husband. If he respected you. You wouldn’t need these pep talks by girls who really don’t give two quacks about you.” Felicity has said her peace if Laurel wants to continue on her scheduled way so be it. In the end it’s her choice.

Felicity says her regards and goes back to her spot to pack up its time to see if her roomie has left to her boyfriend’s place for the night. As she starts to head back home Laurel calls out to her. Oh, she forgot she introduced herself by first name only. They talk a bit more but the other girls who were some bad cheerleaders were still in the coffeeshop. Laurel seems to head some advice but to Felicity it is just too early and her words could be forgotten in a heartbeat.

Entering her place, she sees a newspaper left on the cover of her bed she just going to move it to her workstation when she sees the words dance upon the page. It is dated a future year but falling on the same day.

Judge Dinah Laurel Lance-and a last name she has never seen welcomes second daughter.

Felicity places her hand on her mouth in surprise, no… she didn’t help! Did she? Then she continues reading and she can’t believe those few minutes actually helped. Laurel’s first-born daughter is named Felicity, the newspaper saying it was after a girl she met years ago that got her to reevaluate her life choices. WoW!

Just like Sam Beckett she’s whisked away but not by falling asleep and waking up in a new reality. She is somehow guided to her new life. One step closer to Oliver.

~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~sp@ce~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~

Can you believe 15 more prompts to go... The month is flying by!

#fictober19 #olicity #felicity smoak #oliver queen #quantum leap #arrow

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dearmrsawyer · 6 years ago

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I like new years. i mean, it’s a bit stressy because it’s like ~omg~ another year is done and time is terrifying but i like the feeling of refreshment it brings. its kind of like waking up in the morning and starting a new day with fresh intentions, regardless of what happened yesterday. it’s just a concrete opportunity to sort yourself or hit reset on things and i like that clarity

my holiday hasn’t been as productive this year for a couple of reasons. a) most of the days were so hot that if you move you’ll die. b) i had an infection in one of my toes that hurt when i walked (it’s cleared up now tho!). c) i think i was more burnt out than i was during my last christmas holidays.

2018 was a heavy year work-wise. My normal schedule is Monday-Thursday. This was originally due to study, then it was in part so i had days to help my grand parents with stuff. Then it became more of a selfish thing where i just wanted the time to be mine, and i could afford to have it. But last year i worked a lot of 5-day weeks, simply because we had a lot more students and if i’m not there, they don’t have access to the library. I’d say at least 50% of the year i worked 5 days, probably more like 60-65%. I had a very productive year at work, but my time away from work was considerably less productive, mentally. I’d really come home and switch off. I ignored a lot of engaging content on tumblr because i just didn’t want to expend more energy when i was free. (there was other stuff going on in my life that was also taking up a tremendous amount of mental energy too, so there was even less time to build back up.)

when i saw the 2019 class schedule just before the Christmas break, i emailed upper management to say that there was no way i’d be able to work all the days i’d need to to make sure the library was open every day there was a class. a week later they told me they’d be adding another library staff member to work all the days that go beyond my usual Mon-Thurs schedule, which means! i will be able to regain balance in my life! i will have time to use brain cells again!

i don’t have an intention of revamping things in my life with 2019, but i am intent on engaging more critically and actively on here. over the last month i’ve reorganised my dash a bit. unfollowed content i found myself scrolling past every day, even though that has reduced my dash a lot. tried to pick up some blogs i’ve loved for a long time but not followed, to replace that stuff with content that will help me engage. i’m still seeking, but i am making progress. I don’t know if i’ll write more or less than i did last year, but i want to have my head in the game more. one thing i’ve been trying to teach myself for a long time now is that an idea doesn’t need to become a fully-fledged fic for it to be worth having. just a little tumblr drabble is enough of a thing. i didn’t do any of those last year because they require unprompted free thought, of which i had very little.

i also want to lean even more into the community i’ve nestled into more and more as time goes by. i made a post a while ago thanking my fellow fandom writers for being part of this community i perceive and i sometimes think about just thanking all those people again because i really do sit regularly and just think how grateful i am to be in it, after years without it. writing really doesn’t mean anything to me if its not part of a community. inspiration doesn’t take root without it. i learnt that in my years between graduating uni, where i wrote within a class environment that fed you well, and finding 1d, where i felt like an observer of fandom for years before actually finding friends in it. this last 1 or 2 years has been an enormous gift and i just want to appreciate that and be part of it even more this year.

i also want to just be more of a person on here. because of all that mental exhaustion i didn’t really make a lot of personal posts or little text posts. no time! no energy! i did all my expressing in tags which is somewhere i will continue to offer great effort lol, but i just want to be a bit more me as well. or, not be too tired to do so.

#tp #blah typical new year ramblings!

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calleo-bricriu · 6 years ago

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I hate the word “mun” and will not use it to describe myself, but this is that ‘how the blog is run’ thing going around.

Speed:

I'm usually pretty fast; I tend to slow down if work is busy or if I'm not at home as mobile doesn't have xkit and it makes it harder to neatly trim replies.

Usually, if I don't reply within a few hours, it's within a day or two.

Rarely, I draft something then forget I drafted it, then realize it like 2 weeks later when the other person asks if I saw their reply.

Honestly, if I don’t reply to something for over a week and you see that I’m otherwise active, that’s probably what I did and you can absolutely feel free to poke me about it.

Replies:

They can be reblogs, conversation in comments, etc...doesn't bother me either way and I don't usually care about ask reblogs though if it starts to get long I'll usually split it off into its own new thread.

Not picky about length as long as you give me something my character can realistically respond to and that can range from a couple of lines to several paragraphs depending on what's going on.

I don't care if you use icons or text formatting, but I don't and the closest to formatting I get is bold, italic, heading, strikethrough, and sometimes colors. My eyesight is terrible, so weird curly fonts that are also small are almost impossible for me to read, even with my glasses on.

Waiting for replies is no big thing; with several people I write with regularly, it’s 2+ weeks between replies, sometimes longer.

Hell, once, @absintheabsence went on like an almost 3 year hiatus and we picked back up about where it had left off. So, yeah, unless you specifically tell me you want to drop a thread, I’ll wait until you either reply or deactivate and disappear.

If I have a bunch of them I’ll queue or schedule them but, otherwise, they get posted as I finish them.

Starters:

I think all of them I've written have been plotted or split off from asks.

Don't really do open starters because--I don't know, I just never do. I have some starter things tagged that other people can send if they want to.

I also don't mind if someone tags me in a starter they want to do with or without asking me about it first; if something is too off the wall I might ask them to change something but that's pretty much never happened.

Inbox:

Pretty much open for anyone, mutual or not, but it is an IC askbox unless I've specifically posted an OOC meme.

If not, anything sent in will typically be answered IC.

If you want to chat with me OOC about something, use the Tumblr IM thing or Discord.

I do not do M!A/Magic Anons.

Selectivity:

Eh. I'm not that picky, I'll generally give anyone a chance to see if our characters or writing styles click, that includes duplicates of characters.

Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't; either option is okay and I'm not going to be offended or upset if we don't end up clicking and a thread gets dropped or we do one thread then never speak again.

The only things I'm not super into are crossovers who don't have a specific Harry Potter verse that includes NOT carrying over large chunks of another fandom that don’t necessarily really fit into the HP universe into the character. It's just not a thing I'm personally into.

I also tend to be weirdly picky about OCs, at least for following them back.

That said, I'm not mutuals only and I usually only unfollow if we both never interact and I'm not super interested in just reading along.

I also tend to unfollow if you post a lot of untagged or uncut NSFW as I do often idly browse and do replies at work and if you don't tag, Tumblr's tag filter system doesn't, y'know, work.

Constant meme spam and begging for people to send stuff in is also kind of a turn off after awhile as it just comes off as kind of creepy and desperate and past experience OOC with people who do that has never been pleasant because they'd always end up leaping on me demanding to know why I 'never sent anything in' if I didn't send in something from literally every meme they reblogged but if I happened to point out they never sent anything to me and rarely answered any things they specifically asked me to send in, I'm being "aggressive".

So, yeah, constant meme spam + begging people for replies/asks/memes is probably going to make me quietly unfollow.

Still fine writing with you unless you’re also complaining that I don’t send you ‘enough’ memes or complain to me about how everyone ignores you while you’re--kind of ignoring me, but probably won't follow back because I don’t like my dash being choked up with rapid fire desperate meme reblogging.

Wishlist:

It's here.

But, if you'd rather not click:

Things I would absolutely love to do more of RP wise:

RP with more adult characters/adult versions of characters.

RP that doesn’t necessarily involve shipping or push toward shipping. I don’t mind shipping at all, but it’s not my main focus.

RP that involves philosophical or theoretical magical discussion/experimentation.

Slice of life type RP.

Marauders Era/First War RP; I do actually like playing the younger version of this character, though I prefer playing from 5th year on.

Casual, back and forth conversation type RP either as short reblogs or in the comments on a single post. It’s relaxing and often branches into the larger threads or plots as it’s a good way to get some easy rapport going.

#ooc #about the blog #hp rp #long post

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griffinnblake · 7 years ago

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Putting this under a cut because I don’t rant very often and I don’t like doing it. But I’ve been thinking about things over the weekend, and I want to write my thoughts down somewhere. If I lose followers, that’s okay. After this, I’ll be back to my regularly scheduled reblogging. I won’t be tagging this as anything because I really just want to keep this on my blog. I just ask that you don’t reblog this with a super long essay about why I’m wrong™. Just chew me out on your own blog! Thanks.

Let me be upfront when I say that 99.9% of the time, I hate cons. Like, I borderline despise them. I know it can be fun for the people who attend, but as a second-hand observer, I don’t like them, I never have, and I probably never will. I usually try to just ignore them. Most of the time, cons seem to cause unnecessary stress and drama between everyone. And I mean everyone.

You have one group where they want to know every spoiler there is to know about the show, the upcoming season, etc. They wait for those nuggets of information and run with them. I’m talking about those people who make a mountain out of a molehill. In this weekend’s case, I’d say that the most prominent example of this is Marie’s comment of not wanting to play Echo because it would be weird later. The fandom automatically assumed that this means that Bellamy and Echo are having sex.

Sigh.

Okay one, we have no idea if she meant that. She never came out and said that they were going to be a thing (and she flat out spoiled going back into space last season way before the season finale). Plus, Sachin blatantly said that they were trolling the audience. So I take what everyone said with a grain of salt (I do this with everything at cons).

But even worse than that, this nugget of “information” has split the fandom into several camps. You obviously have the Bellarkers who are now freaking out at the possibility of BE. And newsflash, it’s okay if they are. Some people can’t control their emotions when it comes to this stuff, and that’s okay.

Then you have the groups that claim to have seen BE coming from a mile away and wonder why everyone else hasn’t. Which, valid. There have been enough hints that BE might become something eventually since season 2.

THEN you have the groups who claim that you have to at least be open to the idea of BE (or B+someone else) because xyz. Seriously, these are the people that are pissing me off. More power to multishippers, but some of us just aren’t. And no, I am not a terrible person because I don’t ship Bellamy with anyone except Clarke (newsflash: I don’t ship anyone with Clarke except Bellamy either. It goes both ways).

Who are you to tell us how we’re supposed to feel? Maybe we don’t want Bellamy in a relationship in space. Who says he needs to be in a relationship or have sex in order to be happy? I mean, what kind of message are you trying to send here? That sex=happiness? NEWSFLASH: YOU DON’T NEED TO BE HAVING SEX OR BE IN A RELATIONSHIP TO BE HAPPY. I’M A 27 YEAR OLD VIRGIN AND I CAN TELL YOU THAT I’M DEFINITELY HAPPY. SOME OF US JUST CHOOSE NOT TO HAVE SEX OR BE IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR WHATEVER REASON. AND THAT’S OKAY! Sorry, I’m tired. Apparently that’s a weird concept for people to comprehend these days.

Oh, and I’m not asexual. Not even close. I’m just not having sex. Hell, part of the reason why I wasn’t having sex in my 20s was because I liked a specific person and wanted to have sex with him, but he was in college and law school hours away. And then it just never worked out. But that was my choice, and I was completely fine. AND IF IT TURNS OUT THAT BELLAMY CHOSE NOT TO HAVE SEX FOR SIX YEARS, THEN I’D BE ECSTATIC.

For those of you who say that it wouldn’t be healthy for Bellamy to be mourning Clarke for six years, when did I say anything about mourning? Who says that in order to move on, you need to be having sex or be in a relationship? Let me go back to my law school friend. I was half in love with him for almost 8 years. We met when we were 19, and I finally had to move on when I was 26. Did I hook up with someone else in order to get over him? No. Did I eventually get over him? Yes. He’s been in a relationship for almost 2 years now, and we’re at the point where we can laugh about my feelings. I can say for a fact that I’m in a healthy mindset. Who says that Bellamy has to be in a relationship or having sex in order to be in a healthy mindset? Healthy does not automatically mean being sexually active.

And before you say, oh but Clarke got to have sex and have love interests, why can’t Bellamy? I didn��t like any of Clarke’s love interests either. Never liked Finn, definitely didn’t like L (though that more has to do with the way that some of her fans completely ignore certain parts of her character), and I didn’t like Niylah. I don’t have anything against Niylah, I actually don’t mind her as a character most of the time, but I felt that most of the time she was just used as a roadblock.

I’ve never said this before because I’d be crucified, but I’m like the only person in the fandom who didn’t like Gina. Sue me. We see her for 2 episodes, and she seemed pointless to me. And I’m allowed to feel that way. We have this thing in this fandom where certain characters are off-limits to being disliked. Well, sorry. I don’t like her. And yeah, I mainly don’t like her character because she was a love interest for Bellamy. Let me remind you: I dislike all of Bellamy and Clarke’s love interests.

Also, Gina is not a real person. Nor is Niylah. Nor is Echo. I’m allowed to dislike them. Hell, last time I checked, I don’t need a reason to dislike them. I’m not hurting anyone by disliking them. I’m not sending hate to the actresses who play them. Notice that I almost never blog about any of Bellarke’s other love interests. It’s because I don’t like them. I don’t spend time on things I dislike. You’re free to state how much you love Gina on your blog. You can say she’s the sweetest character ever. That’s great! You’re allowed to like her just like I’m allowed to dislike her.

Back to the fandom’s freakout about BE. Yeah, I’m one of those people who gets stressed out when Bellarke gets a new love interest. So what? I’m not sending anyone hate about it. I’m not ranting to the heavens about it. And even if I was, it’s on my blog. Not yours. It doesn’t even matter because I normally keep those thoughts to myself anyway.

I think sometimes people forget that you can watch a show for any reason you want. Maybe you like the post-apocalyptic story. Maybe you like the strong cast of women. MAYBE YOU LIKE THE ROMANCE. I’ve been a shipper since I was in high school, so at least a decade. I don’t know how to turn that part of myself off. I usually always ship at least something. And to be quite honest, the main reason why I’m watching the 100 is for Bellarke. I like the story as well, but I’m mainly here for my ship. And that’s okay.

Some people say “oh but it’s not about romance. You’ll always be disappointed.” Umm. My first real ship was Zutara. I crashed and burned with that ship. I know what it’s like to be disappointed in a show because of ships. But you know what? I got over it. I found new shows to watch, new books to read. New ships to ship. And there’s always fanfiction. I’m a fanfiction junkie. I’ll be okay. (Side note: I think Avatar is one of the best shows of all time. The lack of Zutara didn’t ruin it for me long term. I say long term because I was pretty disappointed when the finale first aired. But I love it again.)

I guess I’m just pissed off that people are telling other people how they should feel. If people want to be freaked out by the threat of BE, let them. I’m not telling you that you aren’t allowed to be intrigued by BE, am I? Seriously, just let people feel whatever they want. If they’re posting it on their own blog, in their own corner, then what’s the harm in that?

I also feel like I should clarify that I didn’t have any specific person in mind when I wrote this. It’s more just general trends that I’ve noticed for a while, but have been especially prevalent this weekend. This is not a specific callout post, nor do I want it to be.

And now I’m going back to keeping my thoughts to myself.

#guys please don't reblog this with a 5000 word essay about why i'm wrong #you're allowed to disagree with me completely #just do it on your own blog #seriously #i won't care!#chew me out!#just don't do it here #i don't want to wake up with 500 replies about how i'm a horrible person because xyz #i have a full-time job #y'all know what my full-time job is #i ain't got time for that lol

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bloodthirstymoonstone · 7 years ago

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Disclaimer and Rules

(For those on mobile who can’t click links on a page)

Updated: 12 Aug 2019

Simply put, Valter is a terrible person. He is an abusive monster who doesn’t care who or what he hurts in order to get what he wants. He abuses everyone close to him, be it soldiers, civilians, allies, enemies, subordinates, superiors, family, acquaintances, lovers, and even his mount. He is absolutely intoxicated with the feeling of causing death, destruction, and suffering.

I’m not going to tone any of that down. Of course, I don’t condone any of it, but I feel like it would be disrespectful to the source material to try to make him out to be anything less than the monster he was clearly intended to be. I find it kind of disturbing that so many younger fans dismiss his actions and comments just because they drew him kind of pretty in Heroes. In fact, I wanted to take him up in an effort to combat the what I see as woobification of a man who is clearly dangerous and insane.

That’s not to say that things will be 100% serious all the time. I’m fine with RPing crack and will regularly reblog silly memes that catch my fancy, but still. That doesn’t change the fact that the muse himself is a power hungry maniac. You’re not going to be able to change him, make him come to his senses, or fall in love with your character and treat them with any more than the shreds of dignity he’s shown anyone else. Ever. Any interaction with him will be highly antagonistic from the start and will only get worse from there.

The likelihood of delving into serious, potentially triggering topics, such as gore, abuse, rape, and even attempted pedophilia with muses under 18. (I’d draw the line at having him succeed, but he’d certainly try his hardest.)

IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE THAT, PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT WITH THIS BLOG.

( That said, if you’re still interested in this heap of garbage despite all that, please have a look at my Rules! )

IF YOU ARE OR ARE AFFILIATED WITH THE USERS RUSHIFAAS, DIVINEBETRAYED, HALCYONFOUGHT, SOULSBETRAYED, OR LOYALBETRAYED, I will block (or softblock) you on sight. I usually don’t like to involve friends of others I have petty beefs with, but this is anything but petty – it’s for my own safety. If you’re confused about this reasoning, please read out the very extensive callout I made concerning them.

Valter is a complete piece of shit. Any beliefs or actions are his own and not endorsed by the mun.

Most RPs are likely to take place in the FE Heroes universe, so Fire Emblem characters from any of the games are welcome to interact.

This includes Fire Emblem characters not yet released in Heroes. You never know if it could happen!

God-modding is an absolute no-no. Let my character react to your actions himself, without being controlled. Yes, even if your character is psychic or omniscient/omnipotent.

Post length requirements don’t exist for me. Go with the flow, as long as you give me something to work with.

NSFW content is completely fine – I’m 21+ and don’t give a shit. Explicit stuff will be moved to my NSFW side blog.

While Valter feels sexual attraction, he is completely incapable of feeling romantic attraction. Don’t expect him to stay with your muse the second they’ve exhausted their use to him.

Muns must be 18+ before trying to engage in a NSFW RP with the muse

I will try to tag and put anything highly upsetting under read mores, but muns must be okay with topics that include abuse, gore, psychological torment, and even threats of murder or rape appearing on their dash. There’s simply no way around it.

I will ALWAYS ask the mun if it’s okay before going down that route.

I will not reblog the promo of anyone / any group I do not personally know or approve of! I've been burned in the past, lol.

I reserve the right to determine if I want to RP with a muse from a different fandom, an OC, or a kin blog or not.

I might not follow back right away, or at all. I prefer to have a neat dash, and might sometimes unfollow people just so it’s easier on me to keep up with what’s going on. Anyone is welcome to send in memes though!

Non-mutuals are free to interact, as long as you've read my rules and disclaimer!

Valter might make an unwanted sexual advance on any muse, even those that are under 18. Please note that, as the mun, I would never let him succeed at that, with or without the other mun’s permission.

This blog is sometimes NSFW! While minors are allowed to read stuff with a #nsfw tag, please for the sake of legal complications, do not read anything with the tag #18 plus or go to my NSFW blog! Those are STRICTLY for adults!

Don’t lie about your age. If I find out, I will block you. If you like a post with an 18 plus tag or on my NSFW blog and you’re a minor, I will ask you to undo it. If you refuse, ignore me, or do it more than once, I will block you, END OF DISCUSSION.

Any asks that sound supportive of Valter as a character will be deleted. This is not a pro-Valter blog! I literally hate him.

Do not send people I’ve interacted with anonymous asks trying to impersonate Valter or on his behalf. That’s just a dick thing to do, and I can obviously get in a lot of trouble, considering how Valter is.

Any ask that feels “LOL TEH RANDOM XDDD” is getting deleted. Here’s an example. It’s not funny, it’s just annoying.

Any blog, including personals, are welcome to follow me. I will block anyone I think could be a porn bot, though. That’s just creepy. However, only RP blogs can interact!

Depending on my work schedule, activity might be spotty. Please be patient with me!

I also frequently drop threads, sometimes without warning! Please do not follow if you're not comfortable with this. Although I will usually try to inform partners ahead of time before I drop, sometimes threads get lost and/or forgotten. Please feel free to ask about what happened to a thread if it's been more than a month, but if I say it's been dropped, please accept and respect my decision without making me feel guilty for it. We can always try again!

#rules #disclaimer

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