#feeding your trauma and sending it to kill someone's magic tree

[eri-pl]

Silm reread 7: the Darkening of Valinor

So Melkor loses his shapeshifting "soon after" he runs away from Valinor (hiding from Tulkas and Orome), but when exactly? I suppose when he empowered Ungoliant. Because later he doesn't disembody or go in spirit form again.

Yes, he takes his big bad form to talk with her— and so he stays. Forever, says the book.

Ungoliant is afraid of Aman and of the Valar. :D

Melkor promises her a lot, with no intent to keep it. I feel like this may have something to do with him being so much nerfed after the situation, unable to take his power back from her (if it would be possible anyway) and almost eaten.

The Valar do like to take CoI-like forms and eat and drink (and celebrate in general I suppose). It is canon.

Feanáro is ordered to come to the party. Huh. why? who thought they had the authority to do it? the book doesn't say, so maybe it was Ingwë, this would make sense and I see why he would think it was a good idea.

Finwë is still upset, and as long as Fefe is banished, he does not want to meet his people. So again, Fingolfin doesn't feel very usurpy to me here.

…and despite being named "Wise", he overtalks Feanáro too. :( This time it doesn't result in Fefe getting upset, but in a badly worded promise.

Ungoliant eats the trees, gets so big and ugly that even Melkor is terrified of her.

Darkness mentioned again!!!

(googling the english text of this part)

The Light failed; but the Darkness that followed was more than loss of light. In that hour was made a Darkness that seemed not lack but a thing with being of its own: for it was indeed made by malice out of Light, and it had power to pierce the eye, and to enter heart and mind, and strangle the very will.

Oh. Darkness that is a thing. No, It *seems* to be a thing. (see: Theodicy and all that.)

I'll have to make a mass analysis of all the capital D Darknesses and how to connect them all (bind? no, we're not gonna do the bindy-bindy) to one concept. But I feel like they should be all facets of one thing concept.

Another thing (a thought for @dfwbwfbbwfbwf especially, I think): It's not "if". It's whenever their deeds started failing too much, Darkness fell upon them and entered heart and mind, and strangled the very will.

I don't think I'll subscribe to this HC, not fully, it makes things too easy, their hand was forced and I don't like their hand being forced.

But partially? This I will subscribe to. They did call upon something, something that seemed to be true, something that seemed to have the power to compel them. I think this reading is very close to Tolkien's intent, because it stinks of "this is how evil works".

Am I portraying Ungoliant as more evil than Melkor?

I think that at least in some aspect I am. Because she feels like something that is not entirely, well, that not entirely *is*. I don't know how to explain it better. And he was a Vala.

Can you stop being? Can you turn from a being to a non-being? I don't think so… I do not subscribe to the "Ungoliant was an uMaia" theory. I don't subscribe to any theory of "Ungoliant was [something that objectively exists]".

Ungoliant as Melkor's (self-inflicted but still real) trauma given a illusion of form by his power? Mmm. I like this one. I don't think it will be popular, but I do like it. (Or: his hatered, his jealousy, something like that, if you prefer. I don't think those are far apart from one another in this case.)

(Why is it easier to me when something evil-evil is not really real? Is it philosophy or my personality issues? Good question. I think there is some philosophy there too.)

Tulkas gets paralyzed by the spider-induced Darkness and Orome gets a "silence" spell on him. So, not only Melkor is defeated by a spider, he's just the most defeated.

[imgonnapanic]

Third gym squad with a theater kid s/o:

Kuroo Tetsurou

Tbh, he knew what he was signing up for when he started dating you.

He’s just not used to it, because he doesn’t have many extroverted friends who aren’t annoying pieces of-

I can envision you both going on the hub to watch pirated musicals. Hamilton, Heathers, Dear Evan Hansen, you name it.

He loooves your singing voice, even if it’s your nervous purposely bad one.

You love the musicals that include allll the good stuff (trauma, death, tragedy, etc.)

Or the iconic ones. You can’t forget about those.

So you’re less-than-thrilled when your school chooses “Honk! The Musical” for this years play.

It’s a spin off of the ugly duckling that no one has heard of.

And when you come up to Kuroo sulking about this boring play you’re emotionally obliged to do, he can’t help but laugh a little.

But his laughter stops when he sees your eyes down at your shoes.

And then he shuts the fuck up because you’re actually upset.

After assuring that you will still be Broadway material even if you’re dressed up as a goose, you feel a little better.

In the two weeks leading up to auditions, Kuroo is starting to get caught humming “A Poultry Tale” at practice.

I mean, his Spotify feed went from Kendrick Lamar to Legally Blonde within one month of dating you, so cut the guy a break.

The day of auditions, you’re a bundle of nerves as you go over the dumb song again and again.

And Kuroo is like “calm down babe you’re gonna do great.”

That sure did a ton.

“Shut up Heather”

...

“Sorry Heather”

He’s also a bundle of nerves at practice, though. He just couldn’t let you see it.

By now, all of the Nekoma team knows you’re auditioning today, and the minute he walks in he just holds up a hand.

“They’re auditioning as we speak”

He’s not surprised when you get the lead.

He looks like the cat who ate the canary he’s a little amused when he figures out the lead is named “Ugly” but by now he has learned to keep it on the inside.

Your schedule is now jam packed, but that’s okay, because Nationals are also coming up for Kuroo and needs to put in some extra hours at the gym anyways.

You better believe two months later Kuroo is making his entire team buy a ticket.

Kuroo didn’t even get to see you on opening night because of dress rehearsals, but that’s okay.

He cleared his entire schedule that day and now has time to wallow in his own excitement and buy you some flowers.

He’s there with the squad team at 6PM sharp, dressed up, and trying to keep his dignity.

When you first walk on stage, the team snickers a little bit at your costume, but Kuroo was completely enraptured by your singing voice, your blocking, your makeup, everything.

This was much better than the demo CD that they had given you.

Afterwards, he gives you your flowers and is glued to your side for the rest of the night, babbling about how proud he was of you, and how talented you are, Nekoma team be damned.

Tsukishima Kei

Tsukki-poo already had a soft spot for the arts before he met you.

Not that he would tell anyone, ever.

When you started dating him though, it gave him an excuse to share his favorite soundtracks.

“you can hit that note, you know.”

*cue the arguing about how you aren’t Barbara Streisand*

When you two are walking through the hallway with him and you see the poster reading “Auditions for Karasuno High School’s ‘The Little Mermaid’ are open!” You start freaking out.

You love that movie! And Kei tolerates it!

Kei honestly thought you would be Ariel/Prince Eric when he first heard you singing “Part of Your World”

Like, you have the voice of a fucking lark. The directors have to be batshit crazy not to cast you.

In his humble opinion.

So he’s a bit taken aback when you get the role of Flounder, but he’s very proud anyways. Especially after you explain that there’s musical numbers that you’re in that aren’t in the movie.

He just hates your director for no reason now.

Practicing your lines with him in your free time becomes almost inevitable because you both have nothing else better to do.

And he can see how into it you are.

And let me just say that you are killing it.

Seriously. You have no problem getting into character, and Kei doesn’t say this much but-

It’s fucking adorable, okay? He has little goth moths in his stomach.

And he can’t wait to see the show, because then he can show you off.

That doesn’t mean he likes the other first years prying at your progress.

Hinata’s incessant questioning about theater anatomy and the memorization of your lines gets really annoying.

Even for someone with a normal temper like you-

“Yes it’s called the right wing. NOT wing spiker. Yes they’re off book. Now will you shut your trap already?”

Dress Rehearsals come, and you’re spinning around his room, face morphing from complete concentration to happy, go-lucky Flounder.

You, Kei, and Yamaguchi (your little third wheel-) all know the soundtrack pretty much up and down, left and right, backwards and inside out.

He still shivers remembering the time you just walked into his house not registering that Flounder’s makeup looks kind of scary up close-

All of his pride was sacrificed that day. All of it.

On the morning of opening night, Kei was walking you to the school, pretending to be bitchy about it being on a Saturday.

“C’mon, what am I supposed to do all day?”

As luck would have it, he’s stuck sitting next to one Hinata Shoyo. Lovely.

So he sat down next to him, and ignored him the whole show. I mean, it worked, he shut up after thirty seconds.

After the show, Kei has to wait a bit for you to take your makeup off, but when you come running out, he can’t hold back a tiny grin.

“That was good. I’m proud of you.”

And then he took you to dinner because singing makes a bad bleep hungry 😌

Bokuto Kotarou

Listen, you’re loud, Bokuto’s loud-

So basically you two are on a mission to not annoy Akaashi for as long as you can before inevitably getting yelled at for your affection and love and shit.

Now, both of you would love for this to be possible.

But the Frozen soundtrack makes it too difficult.

Especially when you can edit the lyrics just to piss off Konoha.

“Turn away and slAm the door *on Konoha”

“The wind is howling like the storm inside *of Konoha”

The possibilities are endless, really.

The game changer is when you two are belting out the song where Elsa and Anna are arguing.

And you accidentally hit the “I-i-I CANNNNT”

Akaashi is like for the love of GOD just audition for the play.

He quickly realizes that his suggestion was not a good idea.

Since guess what the musical is.

You’re auditioning as a joke, okay? You love Frozen, but this is a Fukurōdani Academy level play.

You didn’t expect to land the role of Olaf.

Your director sat you down and bluntly told you that he thought that you had the charisma and energy to be Olaf, but he knew that you were auditioning for a joke.

He needed you to be committed.

And hell yeah, you were gonna be committed.

At first, Bokuto was super proud of you! His s/o as a lead role? So impressive!

You even taught Bokuto your choreography for “In Summer”

He only retained half of it, but eh.

He’s a volleyball player. He tried.

As rehearsal times became longer and longer, Bokuto was a little upset at himself because he didn’t realize how committed you were until it hit him in the face.

Akaashi is there to get him out of his funk when you aren’t, though.

“They feel the same way when you need to be in the gym longer. It’s just a part of having a passion. Just utilize your time with them wisely.”

This bitch knows full well Bokuto doesn’t do ‘wise’ though, so he also sets to him a little more.

Dress rehearsals start, and Bokuto is always waiting for you to come out of the auditorium to ride the bus home.

You’re just bubbling over with stories about the magic of being on stage.

The lights, the microphones, the costumes, just talking about it makes you nostalgic already.

On opening night, Bokuto and Akaashi are there in the front row, going through the program.

“There’s y/n!!!!”

And you can’t see him because of the blinding spotlight, but you can hear Bokuto cheering for you after you finish “In Summer”

Afterwards he gives you a big hug, and you guys go home and watch Frozen.

Akaashi Keiji

When you start dating Akaashi in your second year at Fukurōdani, you’ve been on stage for the last ten years of your life.

Singing, acting, dancing, you love it all.

You’re even considering making it your career.

Akaashi doesn’t know much about theater at all, but he makes sure to do his research since it’s such a big part of your life.

The company you take acting classes with is having their winter show soon, and you couldn’t be happier when you figure out it’s ‘Into the Woods.’

Akaashi makes the mistake of asking the plot of the story.

“So basically there are these two infertile bakers with dead parents and there’s this witch that’s old and wrinkly and she comes to their house because fifty years ago the bakers dad stole her veggies and took the magic beans that made her look old and wrinkly-“

(A/n: this isn’t even half the plot)

He decides he’ll figure it out when he sees the play.

Akaashi knows that it’s a difficult one, though.

Sondheim doesn’t fuck around.

So you shouldn’t be beating yourself up about cracking on some of the high notes and screaming into your pillow.

He feels like an idiot every time you ask him to give you constructive criticism.

He doesn’t know what to say. “That was good” is obviously not what you want to hear.

When the date of your audition rolls around, he has early morning practice.

So he sends you a text saying how far you’ve come already and he’ll be proud even if you end up being a tree and break a leg (he’s very proud of that part. Theater lingo with Akaashi 101)

He’s very pleased to hear through your extremely fast and animated chattering that you killed it.

You were going to be Jack from “Jack and the Beanstalk.”

He’s still not sure how that correlates with infertile bakers, but he’ll go with it.

You also have a notoriously hard solo, “Giants in the sky.”

Akaashi is very impressed.

All you two do is practice that song, until Akaashi is half sure he could sing the song if he really gave an effort.

(He tries seriously one time. He can’t sing. To save his life. Sorry Keiji and RIP y/n’s ears.)

“Maybe you’re just not a soprano?”

“I’ll leave the limelight to you.”

Rehearsals always leave you drained. There are so many dance numbers in the play that you have to go over.

And songs, oh god, the songs are pieces of work.

But you wouldn’t trade it for the world, so Keiji stays close, and is endlessly supportive.

You sent him a picture of your Jack costume, and Keiji is like that is kind of adorable ngl-

He walks into the auditorium you’re performing in, and even he’s nervous to be in there. It’s huge.

But when you walk on the stage, and start belting, all the breath leaves his lungs.

Oh. Ohhhhhhh. He understands the plot now.

[thirstyforlulu]

Alucard x Reader: For Your Convenience Chapter 1

You were just passing through. This small town was on your way, and it was getting so dark. At that hour, there was only one inn open, and thankfully they had an open room.

“What brings you to our little town?” The owner asked as they handed you the key.

“I’m heading to a town another 30 miles from here. Had to stop for the night,” You replied.

In truth, you wanted to keep your answer vague. You’d been known to dabble in magic and had heard of a town where you could get all sorts of supplies, so you decided to make the journey. However, if people knew where exactly it was that you were going, they could guess why and try to burn you for magic.

“That’s nice. Enjoy your stay,” They said.

You nodded and bid them good night, picking up your things and heading to your room. It was the first door on the second floor. It was roomy, but there was little furniture. Perfect for one night but not for much longer.

From the window, you could see the town square, dark save for the occasional flicker of someone’s lantern as they shuffled about. It was calm, quiet, and it was making you so tired.

With one last glance outside, you changed your clothes and went to bed.

The plan was for you to leave the next day as soon as you woke up, but things changed when you were awoken by a loud shriek. Throwing your covers off, you ran downstairs to see what was going on.

“Please don’t go outside, you don’t want to see that,” The owner pleaded, standing between you and the door.

You didn’t necessarily want to see anything, but if someone was hurt you might be able to help. Giving the owner a reassuring nod, you opened the door and stepped outside. To the left of the door, no more than 10 feet away was the bloodied corpse of what you guessed was a man. All around the body people crowded, murmuring and crying. They all looked so terrified.

For a moment, you worried the people would blame you since it happened the night you came into town, but a young man walked over and calmed your nerves.

“I’m sorry, you’re probably scared aren’t you?” He said.

You nodded.

“I’m not really used to seeing corpses,” You replied.

“Yes, it’s a terrible sight, but I’m afraid we’re used to it here. The vampire strikes often and leaves the remains for us all to find. It’s terrible, but we’re helpless.”

At the mention of a vampire, you were intrigued. You’d heard of them but never had a chance to actually see one. A while ago you bought a vial of vampire blood from one of your suppliers, but you didn’t actually see the vampire they’d taken it from.

“A vampire? How do you know it’s that and not wolves?” You asked.

“We thought the same thing as first. With how torn up the corpses were it would make sense, but then bodies started showing up with very little outward signs of trauma and all of their blood drained. The vampire lives in that castle up there, he comes down to kill at least once a week,” He replied, pointing off.

You followed his finger and found a large decrepit castle that you hadn’t seen the night before. It was a dark stone, probably why you couldn’t see it at night, and had several tall towers. Vines grow up the sides, suggesting it’d been in a state of disrepair for a while now.

“Has anyone confronted the vampire?” You asked.

“Heavens no! No one is brave enough. We all just hide in our homes and do our best not to go out at night.”

“Maybe I could talk to them,” You suggested.

You knew how crazy it sounded, but you were curious. This could be your chance to meet a vampire, if you play your cards right this could be very beneficial to you. Plus you might be able to help out this small town.

“Are you crazy?! You’d be killed.”

“Well, only one way to find out,” You replied, heading up to your room to change.

The young man made no motion to stop you.

You hadn’t planned on going vampire hunting this trip so you had little gear to work with. All you had in that area was a cross and small vial of holy water. That should be enough, and if not you knew enough magic to protect yourself. The rest of your things you left in your room, assuring the owner you’d be back to collect them.

After a quick stop to get something to eat, you headed into the woods leading to the castle. It was dark, with dense foliage that lapped at your legs. At times you had to climb over fallen trees covered in moss. They were slick, nearly causing you to fall, but you grabbed onto other branches to steady yourself. It was clear no one had been that way in decades, the only signs of life you could find were deer tracks or rabbit holes.

The dense greenery transitioned into a flat open yard that appeared to have at one time been perfectly manicured but had since succumbed to nature’s wrath. There were weeds growing out of cracks in the steps leading up to the door. The door itself was mostly intact, but you could see where termites were starting to get to it.

When you pushed on it, there was little resistance. A loud creak rang out in the castle’s foyer, so loud you thought for sure it would notify anyone within a mile of your presence. After a quick inspection of the room, you stepped inside.

“Hello?” you called out.

Your voice echoed off the walls, letting you hear just how nervous you sounded. You waited, but no one came, the only sound was that of a few startled bats flying off.

Feeling a tad more courageous, you took a few more steps inside, letting the door shut behind you. Eyes darting back and forth, you slowly circled, taking in the exact size of the room.

“I have to give it to you, you at least came during the day,” A voice said from a few feet behind you.

You jumped, whipping around to find a tall man standing behind you looking very irritated. His clothes were long and fancy looking, mostly dark-colored with pops of red that matched his eyes. Judging by his complexion, he was the vampire.

“P-pardon my intrusion sir, I was just looking for someone,” You sputtered.

“A vampire, you were looking for a vampire, weren’t you? Well, here I am,” He replied, gesturing at himself.

“Yes, I would like to talk to you, I have some questions.”

“You get one, make it count human.”

Sweat was starting to form on the palms of your hands. Your life might be riding on what you ask him, you had to be careful. With a deep breath, you decided.

“Why are you terrorizing that town nearby?” You asked.

He gave you a puzzled look, tilting his head, which made his long black hair fall from his shoulders. No one had asked him why he did what he does. Normally the people who came here told him to leave the town alone or asked him to spare them. No one ever cared about his motives.

“Simple, I have to feed and that town just happens to be nearby,” He said, taking a few steps toward you.

Nervous, you matched each of his steps forward with one of your own backward. His long legs made it to where one of his steps was equal to about two of your own, allowing him to get closer and closer to you. He continued until you’d backed yourself up into a wall. At this distance, it was easy to see the large fangs in his mouth. The sight made you tremble, just thinking about those digging into your neck made your heart race. Before he could say anything else, you spoke up.

“Y-you said you need to feed right? W-well what if you had a constant source besides the town?”

“What are you suggesting?”

His icy breath was on your cheek, feeding the fear you felt inside.

“What if.. I was to offer you myself instead of the villagers? I won’t run, you can drink from me as much as you want as often as you want as long as you don’t kill me,” You offered.

He was shocked at your bold suggestion, but he was intrigued, liking the idea of having a convenient source of food.

“And why would you do that? What have you to gain from giving yourself up for them?”

“Nothing but knowing my sacrifice helped others.”

Hearing that he laughed. You were trying to be noble, to help others selflessly, a notion which he found to be silly. No human would willingly give up their life for strangers, but he was interested to see how far you would take this.

“Deal, you will live here and be my walking blood container and in return, I will not feed on anyone from the nearby towns.”

“Deal,” You replied.

He grabbed you and pulled you close to him, moving your head to give him clear access to your neck. Your breath caught in your throat and your body tensed in fear.

“Now, allow me to sample my new food source,” He said, inches from your neck.

Feeling his breath made you shiver, but you focused, steeling your nerve. His fangs sunk into your neck, his lips meeting your skin. The pain was terrible, but when he began to suck you felt a warm filling your body radiating from the puncture wound.

Your blood hit his tongue just like it does with every other human he’s fed from, but with you something was different. The taste was incredible, better than anything he’d tasted before. He thought he was imagining it at first, but as he continued to drink the flavor persisted, proving it was real.

“What is this?” He thought.

The taste was so addictive, he continued to drink despite the fact that he had just eaten the night before. He held you roughly in place, drinking in an unconscious fervor. You reached up and tried to grab his shoulders to remind him to stop but it didn’t seem to work. A tiny yelp escaped your lips but he didn’t seem to notice.

He drank until you’d lost so much blood you fell to the ground. Your body was so cold, you couldn’t think straight and you feared you wouldn’t make it. The sudden movement snapped him out of it. He removed his coat and threw it on top of you, which you gladly welcomed. As you wrapped yourself up, he turned his back to you.

“Your blood is acceptable, I shall prepare a room for you. I will come for you when it is ready. Tomorrow, I will send you to get your things from town, for now just rest while your body replenishes itself,” He said, acting as if he wasn’t suffering from a painful erection.

“Thank you sir,” You replied, hoping to please him.

He walked away, leaving you laying there in the sea of his coat. You felt your body slowly start to warm back up, the feeling returning to your extremities. With blood returning to your brain, you could finally think.

“What have I done?”